#how long will it take before i write about the parallels i realized she has with morrigan and zevran.

[perilegs]

i have a text document open while i'm doing my current replay of my canon warden so i can write my thoughts down as i play so i won't forget important things about her character and. im reading what i've written down so far and i am going to make myself cry right this second. why did i write "zevran looks like home"

[sincerelybubbles]

could you write something where the reader is listening to reid going off on his tangents and when he gets insecure, just straight up saying. "no, go on. i like the sound of your voice." ? ty! 🤍

Don't shut up // no warnings as far as i can tell? lmk if not <3 pure fluff!! ty for the request <333

"They usually called her the Limping Lady but there's really no way to tell how many pseudonyms she used," Spencer is saying, dragging his hand through your hair where you lay on his lap, His other hand is busy grasping at the air while he talks.

"Because of the prosthetic leg?" You ask, urging him to continue talking. You're nearly asleep, eyes heavy and chest loose with the comfort of his proximity.

"Yeah. She actually nicknamed it 'Cuthbert' when she got the wooden prosthetic. It's actually pretty interesting - people have been using prosthetics for a really long time. We don't know exactly when people started using them in modern medicine, but the first evidence we can find of them dates all the way back to ancient Egypt where they found a prosthetic toe."

The documentary Spencer put on over an hour ago about World War II has long since been paused, Netflix's blinking "Are you still watching?" hovering uselessly on his laptop screen. He paused it ages ago to discuss the inaccuracies about Hitler's past, then Italy's involvement in France and the parallels between the almost French famine and the Irish famine, leading him to Virginia Hall.

All in all, you're in heaven. He's been stroking your hair, blunt nails scratching every so often, voice rumbling through his chest and stomach where your ear presses against. He's talking calmly, even, if not slightly rushed, like he can't wait for even a breath to keep telling you about everything he knows.

"I just want you to know all of the things I know, too, you know?" He told you once when you urged him to slow down. He's learned to take his time with you, eventually, realizing that you're not waiting for your opportunity to jump in. You don't spend your time with Spencer figuring out when it'll be your turn to talk next; instead, you lull in the comfortable space of listening while knowing he'll return the favor the moment you have something to say.

"Sorry, are you trying to sleep? I can shut up and turn the movie back on," Spencer says suddenly, hand stilling in your hair.

You open your eyes slightly to find him looking down at you, lip caught between his teeth, a hesitant look in his eyes.

Spencer doesn't often get insecure like this around you - you've spent plenty of time convincing him that there's no need - but moments like this still happen. You suppose it's a natural product of constant teasing and bullying through childhood.

"I don't mean to ramble," he mutters when he catches your eye.

"No," you say, interrupting him and reaching up to brush your fingers across his cheekbone and up to his eyebrows. "No, Spence, I literally love the sound of your voice. Please, keep going."

You watch him melt, afraid for a moment that his liquid brown eyes will start to water. You make a concerned noise, about to sit up and comfort him further, when his hand moves to press down on your collarbones. He holds you in place as he looks at you for a second, heated gaze causing you to feel warm. Slowly, he bends to press a kiss on each of your eyelids, right below your eyebrows. He rests his lips on the bones there for a few moments before moving to the next.

"I love you," he murmurs, the truth of the statement oozing out too sincerely to ignore.

He doesn't give you a moment to breathe before diving right back into his explanation of how ancient prosthetics were integrated into modern medicine, hand resuming its path in your hair and voice slowly bringing you to a calm half-nap.

[lover-of-mine]

Welcome to Anna writes another color meta because she's losing her mind.

I made half this point before, but season 7 has more evidence, so I'm gonna make it again, just stay with me. Buck wears a lot of red, right? Staple color for him.

And, well, the coma dream has many elements that make it uncomfortable even if we don't fully realize it, one of them is the way that Buck is wearing green.

(something else is the way he's wearing black vans when he usually wears white hightops, but that's not important right now, but 911 costume department, I worship you)

Why is the green part relevant? Well, red and green are complementary colors, that means they are on opposite sides of the color wheel, and the whole thing with complementary colors is to create contrast. So, since he's usually on this part of the color wheel, the green stands out, even if we don't fully register why.

But the thing is, they put Buck in green when something is wrong. The coma dream, yeah, but the talk with Ali that leads to the breakup, the whole thing with taking Red to see Cindy that completely backfires, and subsequently the conversation with Maddie about being the one who gets left behind, telling Taylor he cheated, talking to Eddie about how he's avoiding Taylor after the Jonah thing, breaking up with Taylor, the cemetery scene, the gym scene in 705.

Those are all scenes where something is wrong, Ali doesn't understand who he is, the whole thing with Red is Buck deciding to do the wrong thing over his idea of what Red needs, the Taylor arc is very self-explanatory, the cemetery feels like he's trying to convince himself of what he's saying a lot more than it sounds like that's something he actually believes, the gym scene he's stressed because he lied to Eddie, it's all at least Buck doing misguided stuff. I feel like at this point, it is very clear that they put Buck in green for this purpose. If Buck is in green, something is most likely wrong.

So, Buck has a something is wrong color. During season 7, I offered the possibility of the show using maroon with Eddie for a similar purpose. But where Buck is about doing misguided stuff most of the time, Eddie is about lying. In a sense.

Eddie's color palette is very earthy. I don't wanna say green is as much of a staple color for him as red is for Buck, but he is usually in army colors, he does wear his fair share of green, greyish-green stuff, it's enough to make sense to some degree if they use maroon to say something is wrong in a direct parallel of what they do with Buck, just going the other way.

But why the maroon during season 7? He's wearing maroon while daydreaming about an idealized Shannon and during the date with Kim. Both situations involve lying to himself, Buck, or whatever. There's also the maroon when Chris leaves. He's not lying, but to say he's pretending to be okay with the situation because it is what Chris wants is not that much of a stretch.

But, I just noticed this dude is wearing maroon when Lena takes him to the first fight, which triggers something dangerous for him. So now we're talking. We have bad shit happening to him and bad shit being triggered by him while he's in maroon.

It opens up a lot in the possibility of them using red in this way for him in other scenes he's wearing reddish stuff. First date with Ana, the nondate with Vanessa, the 612 talk, and I'm gonna throw in the Carla thing too because I need another screenshot lol

Granted, as long as the show doesn't come right out and say Eddie is gay or Eddie was lying about remembering the shooting, these are just speculation and wishful thinking for the most part, but Eddie is peer pressured into the relationship with Ana and ends up admitting he liked the idea of them more than he liked her, so lying to himself, and the Vanessa one, he just plain doesn't want to be there and is agreeing to lie to Pepa so, it's a stretch but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the Carla thing, Eddie is at least hiding the Shannon of it all and he was lied to to get there, and while Buck does offer him the answer to a problem that scene, it is a problem he was struggling a lot with and pretending he had it under control. And I will live in a land where Eddie has been aware of his feelings since the shooting and it is lying to Buck about not remembering until the show explicitly proves me wrong, so in my head he is lying to Buck in 612. I'm not nearly as confident on this one as I am with the green and Buck when it comes to the whole show, but at least during s7, they did use it like that, and considering the way he was mostly in black or white during s7, the maroon has to mean something.

Now that we got that out of the way. Why am I telling you all this? It is not just because I think this is yet another way the show makes Buck and Eddie exist as mirrors of each other. It is because of the bachelor party.

Because Buck is in mint green and Eddie is in baby pink.

Buck is absolutely being misguided about what Chim actually wants during this, but I have no idea what Eddie would be lying about though. The interesting thing is that Buck loses the green and Eddie has the darker pink quite literally ripped out of him. Which is an interesting choice all things considered. And they get back to it once we find out Chim is missing.

This is pure speculation that even made me write a fic (self-promo if you feel like reading a confrontation about them almost kissing at the party), but the thing is, everyone involved in this damn show talked too much about this bachelor party for it to be a minute long montage with no lasting consequences and me to feel satisfied with it (rip karaoke scene you will always be wanted). Especially considering with the way we know the episode was actually 2 episodes long and they had to trim everything down (the fact that they tried to shove 18 episodes worth of plot into 10 is gonna make me mad forever, it was a reduced season, make a reduced season) and the ideal world madney's wedding would've been the 2 episode event it deserved to be and we would've gotten more. Do I think the show wanted something to actually happen between them, like a full-blown kiss? No. Do I think a "we are drunk and getting too close" situation was completely plausible? Yes. I mean, Buck was practically pulling Eddie to his lap. And it's not like this is something that can't come back to if they feel like it. Sudden triggers making them remember shit is a perfectly acceptable way to add some tension, push some realizations.

I don't know why, but Buck wearing green there will forever bother me. And with the added layer of Eddie and the maroon, I feel like there has to have a point for that particular costume besides making me want to make The Fairly OddParents jokes.

If we wanna go full conspiracy theory, considering the way the early renewal changed the way they dealt with 7b, I wouldn't be surprised if that party was going to trigger something and they decided against it. We'll never know unless they come back to it, but, nice to think about.

As always, if you read this, I love you.

Other color metas if you like my brand of crazy: blue and green masterpost, red and blue post, blue and yellow theory part one and part two.

[local-lamppost]

Act 3 Thoughts

Watched Wicked, came home, waited 20 minutes, binged Act 3. I do not recommend this lifestyle. Anyway...

I was so satisfied with where we ended up, but I would have also appreciated about 20 minutes to an hour more. It felt like some beats were skipped over, they wanted to get to specific endings and didn't have the time to wrap them up as neatly as I would've liked.

Maddie is a good example. She's a plant for Ambessa, okay but when and why did she become one? She couldn't have been one before Cait being named commander and when we next see her she's pushing for Cait to take power back from Ambessa. Did Ambessa just message her right after Cait and Vi started working together again as like a "the woman you love's actual love is back in the picture, you can either wallow or get revenge with me", but also made a smarmy remark about Cait 'at least being warm' or something. We didn't need to absolve Cait or villainize Maddie for their 'relationship' because they didn't even have a relationship-just a coping mechanism for Cait, similar to Vi's drinking. At best it was all unnecessary and at worst a waste of time.

Away from that, I want to focus on some good.

I am officially a JayVik shipper now. Them disappearing into a void together, encircled with each other, after Viktor spend however long within timelines/multiverses in hopes of finding a Jayce able to bring him back to his humanity? Come on, they needed to kiss. Especially after Jayce and Mel's low key break up. Honestly we were denied the three of them working together, because they would have been unstoppable.

Speaking of Mel, I love her. I love her design, her powers, her matricide, her taking command of Ambessa's armies, etc. I wish we could have seen more of her adapting to her new powers, finding peace with what she now is. There could have been a cool interaction with Viktor over how Arcane power has changed them both for better and worse.

I don't think Mel's story is done. With other characters, I can see them coming in for future story arcs as like, cameos or background details, but if the next LoL story is in Noxus I fully expect Mel to be a major player again.

Back to Jayce. I like Jayce, that could be my Arcane hot take, and I definitely want to write something more in depth on him. On all the characters really. For now, I'll just say that his determination to destroy everything he has built, because the only creation worth saving is his relationship with Viktor is just... glorious.

Viktor was amazing. I love Viktor in the lore, and they took his traits from the lore and amped them up to eleven. His body being destroyed and rebuilt, the process of which has chipped away his humanity and mutilated his dreams. He lives up to his own quote: "In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good. We have to make it right."

Ekko is a character I never realize I miss. That sounds mean, it probably is, but I am never the less so happy to see him every time. It's like finding the missing piece you didn't even know was lost: that is Ekko to me. His mini adventure in the parallel universe was adorable. Us getting to see what could've been alongside learning what matters most to Ekko, him getting a taste of a near perfect life and still choosing to return to his own time. That's why Ekko is the true hero of this story.

In terms of Jinx, I'll just say I'm not a hundred percent sure she's dead. The airship leaving at the end followed by her scribbled sign off, plus not getting a dead body shot. It was definitely left open ended. Her looking to do something good, to not mess up, alongside her fear of not wanting to try again because she is just tired of failure, of being a Jinx, was too real in many ways. I will go in depth on her at a later date.

Caitlyn's arc is going to be argued about, no question. It needed more time (see the start of this long post) to make her point of her anger burning away, of it not being sustainable, hit harder. I would have made her realize what her anger was doing to Vi, have Jinx point out that they really are acting the same in their treatment of Vi, and use the whole Ambessa was literally stoking the fires of her hatred to help fit what time they had left. Honestly just have Cait learn Ambessa was the one behind the memorial attack, that would be a much better way to explain her anger diminishing enough to look beyond her own hurt to realize and take account of her mistakes.

Vi, as usual, needed more screen time. Not necessarily because her story would've been helped by it like in act two, but just because I wanted her to have more time to enjoy her life. I went into act three with the sole hope that Vi would have a nice day, only for her to loose everything again. The only people she has left are Cait and Ekko, and god help anyone who tries something against those too now. Her ending being the chance to finally rest, to lean on someone else, was beautiful. She is my favorite character and please let her have only good things in the future, she was traumatized in almost every scene this season please-

Nobody tell Vi that in a universe where she died young everyone else ended up living. It would destroy her.

Vi and Cait relationship was great. I wouldn't say it was rushed in act three, because it felt like it was where it should be for a final batch of episodes, if that makes sense. It felt like the set up was Cait being genuinely remorseful and Vi just wanting someone in her life who wanted her in return. It helps that they have great chemistry and that when given the chance they fit so neatly together. I think Jinx encouraging Vi to be with Cait is what sold it to me. Jinx realizing how much Vi has given/sacrificed and giving her blessing for her sister to be happy with someone she disapproves of; not to mention Cait pulling the guards from their posts to give Vi the chance to actually meet Jinx in order to have that conversation. All in all, it comes down to Vi's "I don't care" because that's really all there is too it for them. Vi is done being miserable and Cait makes her happy, vice versa. Cait is someone Vi can rely on, Vi is someone Cait can find strength in.

Spitfire round:

Sevika being made a councilor

Every single one of Mel, Cait, and Jayce's designs were 10/10s

Vi not being given an actual uniform, just armor and the gloves

Jinx cutting her hair further to match Vi

Ekko getting his crystal sword/bats

Heimerdinger dying after living a life where he could make his city something to be proud of

I was fully expecting Vander and Silco to kiss in that one shot

Everything with Benzo

Loris' name being said

Vi humming the song and the song being their mother's lullaby

Viktor being held within the Herald

Sky leaving so Viktor was free to bring Jayce to his space mind palace

Caitlyn's rifle never surviving

Fishman McBlue being the only one of Cait's soldiers to stick to his guns and stay loyal

Sevika and Shoola side eyeing each other

Vander and little Vi and Powder with the bunny

The bunny being a passenger on Jinx's balloon

Singed's messed up family getting a happy ending

[edgeray]

*vibrates*

So many wips… 👀

Ok so. IDK. I have. So many “want to sees”. So I’m just gonna list them 🤷‍♀️

Ghost Clervie AU. I’m imagining Clervie watching as Peruere- sorry, *Arlecchino* develops her “cold, strict, and unfeeling Father persona”. But she quickly reverts back to Peruere in the presence of Clervie when Arle figures out she isn’t hallucinating and this isn’t some scheme of someone trying to throw her off balance.

(I’m actually just realizing the parallels of Furina making her Archon persona and Peruere with her Father persona 🤔 Both masks are there in order to better protect the people that rely on them (Fontaine’s citizens and the Hearths Children respectively)). Anyways.

Isekai-ed Arlecchino. I’m just wondering at how that would work and how serious you would make the writing take itself. Like would it be crack, crack that takes itself serious, or serious? (You don’t need to answer that. I was just pondering)

Modern Cat or Bunny Shifter Arle. Arle in her animal form has a nearly 100% coat with the exception of one ear that’s black. It’s cute. Also, I see her as a bunny with floppy ears that are so long that she trips over them XD I’m giggling at the thought she might even be one of those massive bunny breeds too. This makes me wonder if the House exists and whether or not the rest are also shapeshifters. Like a haven for shapeshifters, if you will.

Pirate Arle. You know (you don’t, but I’m telling you 😅) I’m a sucker for enemies(who actually aren’t all that bad) taking in and caring for an abandoned enemy.

Historical Goddess Arle. I think the fact that Reader prays for a painless death rather than no death at all could be intriguing to Arle who probably regularly gets prayers from people not wanting to die?

Spiderwoman Arle. It’s not a want, it’s a need. I’m also a sucker for secret identity relationships. 

Arlecchino w/ Cursed Bio Child.

Alien Arle and Human Reader. Arle and Clervie internally seething at getting another runaway test subject (not at the human, at the fact they were experimented on). That(the facility) would need to be taken care of… (badass ArlexClervie couple who are leaders of an organization who take down illegal trafficking rings, experiment facilities, etc? 👀) Once the newcomer gets adjusted to their new home, of course.

Arlecchino x Alive/Knave Clervie.

Sorry if any of that/the extra commentary seems like I’m trying to press for any of this. Yeah, these are requests. If that’s ok 🙂

👉👈 Hopefully it isn’t overwhelming.

The Other End of the Blade

(Arlecchino x GN! Reader)

A/N - Hi anon, sorry for being late with this anon! I really love your commentary on all of your (mine?) ideas so don’t worry about it! I’ll put more of a response at the end of this.  This one is going to be pirate AU because I too crave some enemies to lovers right now. One piece is the only basis I have for pirates so apologies if it's not alike to other pirate media.    Those of you wondering where this list of ideas come from, it’s from my ideas/wip post, where I store all of the silly little ideas for fanfics. Feel free to request from anything on that list.

Content warnings / info - enemies to lovers, semi-graphic violence, heavily one piece inspired, got WAY too invested into this whoops, 4.0k words

Before you could read books, you could read wanted posters. Before you could spell out your name, you could write down ‘pirate’ and ‘wanted dead or alive.’ Before you could write, you throw a mean punch. Before you knew how to play, you knew how to fight. And before you knew how to count your fingers, you could tie knots. Before you knew what a Marine was, you already were one. And before you knew what ‘love’ means, you knew what hate was and who to hate: pirates. Hatred towards them coursed alongside your blood through your veins. 

Pirates are the scum of the seas, raiders from the depths of the oceans that have come to pillage towns and wreak havoc over the prospering empires. They’re sick people who only know how to steal and how to kill. They rob lives without an ounce of hesitance, ignorant to the misery and suffering they force upon people because of their actions. The world would be better off without them. That way, all people can live in peace without worry from murderers and pillagers like them. Pirates are everything you should hate and you swear that you're going to make it so not one person has to be afraid of their shores–they'll never have to look at the horizon wondering if they see pirate ships in the distance cruising towards them. 

If there is one thing that your family has instilled into you, it would be that a world free of suffering is a world free of pirates. Like every other family member before you, you've been set on the path of greatness that is to eradicate every one of those vermin since birth. The only aspiration you could have is rising the ranks of the Marines. Generations of your family served in the Marine, holding the highest positions. Being anything short of one of the admiral positions, (the lowest of which ranking fourth highest in authority) is a disgrace, a stain on your one of the most prominent Marine families. 

Rising towards the ranks was no difficulty for you. It's only about two years since you've joined the Marines, and you've already risen to a commander position. For reference, even the best of soldiers take four to five years to be promoted to that level. And you know you're about to be promoted–you just need one big case. Just capture one famous pirate, and you know that the Captain rank is yours. One more step closer to cementing your place among the greats of your family. 

– 

Water pelts across your face and the strong sea breeze whips around you. Over your own thumping heart, you can hear the roaring of raging waves paired with the wild flapping of the sails and the creaking of wood. Thudding footsteps rushes all around you, and the clouded sky flashes, thundering. 

“Lower the sails!” You scream at the men as they wrestle with the ropes. Seeing one of the men fumble, you grumble under your breath and shove him away to take over. 

“Get a bucket, and keep getting rid of the water. We need as little water to get into the hull as possible,” you command him, and that's enough to make him useful. 

“Pirate ship spotted!” One of the crew members states and you groan in frustration. A pirate ship at this time? You're only just barely ensuring the vessel does not capsize! Not only is the Marine ship struggling, but no doubt the pirate ship would be too. You release the ropes, seeking out the captain. 

“Captain!” You yell as you head towards him. The cranky man shoots you a snooty glare before turning to a Marine soldier besides him. 

“Hurry up! What flag is it?! Huh? Huh?! Give me a damn answer before I throw you overboard!” Your captain gruffly exclaims at the poor Marine who was holding a spyglass, pointing it towards the oncoming ship. You cringe at the Captain's voice, silently giving sentiments to the other Marine. 

“It's a… um… it.. um…” The Marine stutters, unsure of what to make of the flag. You grind your teeth before wrenching it out of his hands and examining the flag yourself with squinted eyes. In between  heavy rain and dark surroundings, you can just barely recognize the flag: a hand grasping a candle. 

Damn it! At this time?! 

“It's the Hearth pirates!” You announce, tossing the scope to your Captain to see. 

“The Hearth? You mean one of the Harbinger crews?!” The old man grunts before seeing for himself. His facial features morph into one of disbelief before hardening. 

“I want every cannon manned now! Get your weapons ready and drawn! All hands on deck!” The Captain demands. The confusion and disbelief was practically palpable among the Marines, and felt through their second of hesitation before the soldiers’ replied with a ‘yes Captain.’

Is he crazy? What the hell is wrong with him? As much as you would love to capture the notorious Hearth pirates, you knew now was nothing but an imprudent time. Even if the Hearth was among the less deadly of the Harbinger crews, that did not make them any less powerful. You have heard from other Marines’ hushed whispers that it takes at least a large fleet (5 Marine ships) to take down one entire Harbinger ship, and even that was theoretical. The Fatui pirates as a whole are damn near unstoppable, but the Harbingers themselves are monsters ripped from hell. As much as you hate to admit, you’re not strong enough to defeat a Harbinger, and you have similar doubts for your Captain. Where does he get this pomposity from?

The other men are struggling enough to keep this piece of wood afloat, and now they have to worry about battling pirates? You doubt even the Hearth is eager for a fight. Fighting in this storm would only lead to early graves for both sides. Winning against and capturing the Hearth pirates is unfavorable, but surviving past this storm is indisputable. 

“Wait, Captain!” You call out to him. An annoyed click of his tongue comes from him, as if you were the bother, and it only makes you clench your hands into fists. He turns his back towards you, irritation written all over his expression. 

“What are you standing around for? Get ready already!” He demands with a scrunched face. 

“We can't engage in battle with them yet! We don’t have enough men, and we're already struggling with the storm!” You protest. “We're in no condition to try and fight them!”

Silence. Around you, you hear whispers from the other crewmates, sounds of agreement coming from them. Evidently, this increases the captain's indignation. 

“Quiet!” He screams. “If we're struggling, just think about how they could be faring! They don't have nearly enough resources as us marines do to survive! This is our chance to capture one of the Harbinger crews!

“After all,” he pauses to give you a pointed, haughty look. “We have one of the members of the greatest family? We won't lose with you on our side, right? We're in your hands.”

You bristle, your nails digging into your palm as your lips twitch into a deeper frown. To think he would use your family name against you. What is he even trying to do? You're too stunned to respond and he brushes past you. 

You're absolutely powerless to do anything, and so are the other soldiers on this ship. No one here outranks the Captain. No matter how correct you may be, you would be punished for disobeying a superior's order. If only you could have been promoted earlier, then you wouldn't have to listen to this fool. Had it been you, you would have this ship steered towards the closest Marine base and report what direction the Hearth pirates are going. But you can't do that. You nod pathetically, and the rest of the men disperse. 

You can only watch as the smaller ship approaches closer and closer. As soon as Hearth pirates enter within the firing range, chaos ensues with your Captain's bellowed “FIRE!” 

A cacophony of screams and cannon fire sound through the air, deafening you, and the overpowering smell of gunpowder and brine swarm your nostrils. Like all naval battles, it’s always a blur–just a flash of colors and movements. At some point, the pirate ship approached close enough for them to board onto the Marine ship. You are not aware of this until you find yourself face to face with one of the Hearth pirates. By then, all rationale has been thrown out in favor of instinct–the most precise, miniscule reaction is what keeps you alive the most when it comes to battling pirates. Your surroundings fade from your awareness, your only attention on the figure before you.

She’s a young pirate, that you can tell, but her skills are no less admirable. She has an ever passive, unreadable face that makes predicting her movements hard to discern and even harder to catch off guard. You narrowly dodge another slash of her saber, and your cutlass swishes through the air, only shallowly cutting her sleeve. Despite this, she is far from deterred, and you have to parry another swing. The steel of the blades screeches as your blades clash against each other. Now at a temporary standstill, the both of you exchange eye contact for a brief moment. Lilac eyes, brimming with determination, skirts away from yours. She pulls away only to lunge again, a thrust of her blade heading towards you abdomen but you dodge, side-stepping it. The blade skims just past you, embedding into the wood of one of the masts. Realizing the given opportunity, you give a swift kick to the pirate’s stomach, disconnecting her hand from the handle of her sword. She tumbles onto the ground with a grunt, and you use no time to close the distance. 

Just as you are about to deliver another blow, a loud gunshot sounds through, making you flinch. A sharp pain erupts from your left shoulder and you stumble back from the young pirate. You cock your head, peering behind you. This action allows you to narrowly miss two oncoming daggers, though your cheek and neck get nicked. Spinning on your heel, you face the dagger wielding pirate fully. He’s a young boy, with a top hat and matching eyes of the saber user. Siblings, perhaps? The fierceness in his eyes confirms your suspicions. 

You charge at the boy, but before reaching him, a large wave crashes into the boat, water spilling overboard and throwing you off balance. The sudden impact makes you lose your balance, and you’re hurtled towards the railings of the ship, your back slamming into it. An audible crack emits from the collision and your spine screams out in agony. Lifting yourself into a crawling position, you glance up at the havoc over the deck. 

A bit close to you is your captain, fighting against a white-haired woman. Given the striking polearm she wields, that must be the Knave, one of the eleven Harbingers of the Fatui pirates. Her movements are graceful, every thrust and slash calculated and precise. In contrast, your captain’s movements are botched, desperate. Every output of effort from him is just for another instance of him scraping by with his life. Each parry with his saber leaves his arms trembling. He is a bumbling mess compared to the Knave. Easily, you can tell it’s a losing battle for your captain. He’s outclassed. 

You’re about to rise when a flicker of bright light catches your gaze. Your eyes widen as you turn your head to spot a bright orange mass covering a part of the deck, and it only grows the longer you gaze at it. The flames stalk towards you with a terrifying space. Despite your body’s protest, you beckon your body to stand. When you have both feet on the wooden planks, you head towards your captain to assist him in his battle. Abruptly, the Marine ship shakes, another current assaulting its side. Swept off your feet, your body is flung, your lower abdomen hitting the top of the railings while you roll off of the ship. It’s only by sheer luck that your hand catches the base of the railing, holding onto it with all the strength you could muster in your left arm. The rest of your body hangs over the ever-swallowing sea. 

Your grasp is slipping because of the rain. You grunt as you try to lift yourself with just one arm. Opening your mouth, you clench your teeth onto the spine of your cutlass, freeing up your right arm to grip onto the base of another fence. With much effort, you’re able to heave your head up so that your eyesight is just over the floor. You can spot the familiar boots of the captain. Every muscle in your arm is straining, burning painfully. Holding on for much longer is impossible.

The cutlass has to go. You let the weapon fall from your mouth, and it plunges into the waters below. 

“Captain! Captain!” The guttural outcry comes from your lips. There’s the groaning of wood breaking. A large shadow looms over you, and you lift your gaze. The mast above tilts down, forewarning its collapse on top of you. 

“CAPTAIN!” You scream out, no longer having the strength to lift your head above the deck. You dangle helplessly, your grip slacking with each second. 

You hear thumping footsteps towards you, and you have never been more grateful to see the unsightliness of your captain’s face peering over the railings. 

For a moment, he does nothing, viewing your vulnerable state. His lips twitch, a small smile stretches over his face. He turns away briefly, glancing in both the right and left direction, before focusing on you again. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure that they know you fought honorably,” he says, venom in his voice. “So go ahead and let go.”

Your blood freezes, and his face disappears. Your arms can no longer continue and you let up. 

You fall, plunging into the icy cold waters. The iciness does not just seep into your blood, but your muscles and tendons too, making your body heavy. Air is stolen away from you and you flail and kick to the surface for air. Everything hurts. As you sputter for oxygen, coughing out the saltwater, your vision catches the glimpse of a long brown mass toppling down onto you. It’s the last thing you see when something hits the back of your head, and everything fades into an inky abyss. 

—

Everything hurts. It's the first thing that comes to you when you are able to grasp even a bit of consciousness. You feel it in your limbs, your back, your abdomen, essentially anything above your waist has a stabbing sensation in it. A groan, followed by a deep suction of air, emerges from you, and you lift your head up. Your eyes flutter open, bright light stabbing into your eyes. You let out a pained groan, rolling your neck to ease its discomfort but find it unhelpful. 

Your eyes adjust to the orange glow of your surroundings. You blink several times to relieve the blurriness in your vision, able to see more clearly. Given the rocking motion and the familiar sound of waves crashing, you would reckon you're on a ship. Looking down at yourself, you're seated on a chair. You attempt to sit up, only to find yourself unable to. Rope digs into the skin of your bound wrists, and you let out a string of expletives in a single defeated sigh. 

“Did you learn that tongue from the Marines?” A cutthroat voice resounds through the room. 

You dip your head, turning towards the figure. A tall woman leans against the wall in the corner, a good bit of distance away. White and black strands, charcoal hands, crimson crossed-pupils, and the epitome of beauty and refinement that marks the appearance of the Knave. Strange to find that among pirates, of all brutish people. Your hazy mind clears in an instant, and you sit up straighter. The pirate captain's presence brings about your most recent memories onto the forefront of your mind in short bursts. With a forceful swallow, you recognize that you have been captured by the Hearth pirates. If you're alive rather than dead, that means they have some use for you. Whatever it is, you need to escape from this. You can only do that when you fish for enough information. 

Taking in your surroundings, you'd have to guess you're in some storage room. Stacked barrels make up the majority of the room. Perhaps if you're able to access the contents of the barrels, you can use them to escape. If not, you could easily ruin their supplies, including food and water. 

“I just thought communicating would be easier in your language,” you snark back, observing the Harbinger's reaction. Expectedly, she remains inexpressive, revealing nothing. She leans away from the wall, stalking towards you. Heels click against the floorboards. Only pirates would have the audacity to be wearing such compromising shoes out on the sea. 

She stands before you, unmoving, her piercing gaze smiliarly fixated on your form. When nothing comes from her lips, you make conversation first.

“Admiring me?” 

This earns a humorless chuckle. “There's nothing to admire.” 

Ow. 

A frown comes across your face. Acting coy does not work on pirates like the Knave. The Knave seems like someone who only responds to directness. No use in stalling. 

“What happened to my crew?”

“They were alive when we left them.” 

“And are they still alive?”

“Presumably.” 

You grit your teeth, lunging at her in anger. Your bounds don't allow for much movement, and it only makes your chair screech across the floor boards towards the pirate. “You left them in the middle of the storm with a ruined ship! You killed them!” 

“You were the fools that decided to attack us.”

“You would have attacked us first! You scum aren't above anything! How can I even trust your word? How do I not know you're not lying to my face?! How do I know you haven't slaughtered them all?!” You scream, thrashing against the ropes wildly.  

“I doubt any persuasion could relieve your distrust. I see that any sort of conversation with you will be futile,” the pirate remarks. She spins on her heel, heading towards the door. You're almost tempted to let her if it means the chance of never seeing her face again, until another thought crosses your mind. 

Why did she want some sort of conversation with you?

“Wait.”

The Knave stops in her tracks. “Are you choosing to be civil for once?” 

You scrunch your nose. “Never mind. I can't bear seeing your face again.” 

An audible huff comes from the pirate before she does face back towards. 

“Why did you… why did you keep me alive? Why did you spare me? Why did you…” You pause, recalling back to your last memories. You were knocked unconscious by falling debris, that you were sure of. You should have drowned by all accounts. You doubt your crewmates have saved you–you hate to admit it, but you would have sunk to the seabed before one of them had noticed. Your crewmates would have been too focused on the pirates to have. If it wasn't any one from your party, then that only leaves the opposing party. However, there is no logical reason for them to. You'd sooner accept divine intervention rather than pirates having rescued you. 

The voice in your head, the voice that has been fostered since your childhood, tells you that it is neither of those two, just a sick sense of karma. Pirates aren't capable of any good doing. If they've kept you alive, it's because they intend to hurt you even more. They're inhuman monsters who only know how to steal and steal, until nothing of you is left. Wretched people that shouldn't even have the luxury of being labeled as ‘humans.’ 

“Why am I here?” You finally settle on those words. 

Silence stretches for a single moment before she begins. “You encountered two of my children, yes?” 

You raise your eyebrows at the mention of ‘children.’ You're aware that some captains likened themselves to a parental figure of their crew–it seems like the Knave is one of those cases. You think back to the young ash blond pirates you briefly fought. 

“The swordswoman and the dagger thrower,” you reply.

“Correct. I found Lyney as a child, when I was wandering the alleys of a shoretown. He bumped into me because he was in a hurry to save his sister from being sold to a high ranking Marine.”

Shock envelopes your face as you process those words. A Marine? Someone whose duty is to protect citizens? A high ranking Marine? Someone whose performance and power is praiseworthy and yet they would do something like that? The thought sickens you. That kind of behavior… that can only pertain to a pirate right? It is not possible for a Marine to act that way. Other Marine officials would have never allowed it. She must be feeding falsehoods to trick you, to get you to betray your family and duty. There's no way this would happen. 

Despite your inner turmoil, Arlecchino continues. “When I took them in, fed them and gave them somewhere to sleep, it took several months for Lyney to sleep in his own quarters. He couldn't be torn away from his sister's quarters. Any chore assigned to him, Lynette had to be beside him. You would have to possess a superhuman strength to separate him from her.”

You could imagine why. Your stomach churns uncomfortably, hating the fact that with every word, her story seems more and more plausible. Why were you even considering this fabricated story? Why were you being swayed by a pirate's tongue?

“Why are you telling me this? You didn't take me to tell your kids’ sob story,” you remark. 

“Every single person on this ship has been dealt an unfortunate hand by the Marines. My children,” she speaks with a hint of indignation, her voice chillingly sincere, “have suffered and wept because of a Marine. Not one of them has ever had a good history with a Marine.” 

She gives you a pointed look, one that makes your blood boil. You hate it, you want to gauge her eyes out because you can see the glint of sympathy in them. “I see now that it's not just people having been harmed by the Marines. But their own people too.” 

“I am not some pitiful stray you found on the street!” You scream, having heard enough of this. “I have not been wronged by-” 

“Your captain abandoned you.” That is all it takes to silence you, and your outburst dies the instant it comes. Any protests on your lips is pummeled away by the heaviness in your chest that forms whenever you think back to that moment. Arms aching, helpless and dangling, and the man you relied upon to lead you and guide you, turns away. He left you, simple as that, to die. Why? You couldn't even fathom a reason. How could a captain do that? After all your service, after all you've done for him, he leaves you.

“You would have died because of a self-serving captain.” 

And you still have the audacity to try and defend him. The Marines are all you know. He was just one man. That did not mean all the Marines were like that. “He was just one man.”

“One man is all it takes. One man is one too many. And if that were true, no one else would be on my ship. I do not believe that all Marines are as revolting as him. Quite the opposite. But there is enough and that's the problem. 

“You may find it hard to believe, but we want to welcome you. If you choose to so stubbornly reject our hospitality and company, we will drop you off at the nearest island so you may return to your duty. But here, we at least know of loyalty and family, I assure you that.” 

The Knave approaches you. You hear the unsheathing of a blade and you feel your wrists relieved from their bounds. You gape at her. 

“Welcome to the House of the Hearth.” 

More A/N: I know this was really long, and not at all romantic, but I got way too invested into the plot of it all to actually focus on the romance. Please someone request a part two because I haven't enjoyed writing a piece this much in a while (i know my inbox is closed for requests but I will make this an exception. This was such a fun piece that really had me invested the entire time while writing. I would love to see Arlecchino's and Reader's relationship develop more. I hope you guys enjoyed this because it's now the longest request I've ever written.

I'm not done yapping, unfortunately. To address anon's commentary. First of all, never be sorry for the commentary. I love yapping, as you may be able to tell. I love hearing your guys' ideas and I think they're all so cool!! (I'm also lonely :v pls talk to me anons).

I love, love, love Arlecchino's character, and I so wish to see it more explored in x Reader fics (I have something like this in the works ehehe) and I totally see the comparison between Furina and Clervie (even though I don't ship Arlefuri).

I've already written Goddess! Arlecchino x Reader! I've linked it in case you haven't seen it before. I'm also working on an Alien! Arlecchino x Human! Reader, so not quite like the Alien AU! Arlevie, but I thought it's something you might be interested. I think that Bunny! Arle would be more like her plush in the Arlecchino animation, but seeing her with floppy ears is such a cute image. With the Isekai AU, I guess it really depends on my mood. (I've also put a different concept for an Arlecchino Isekai-ed AU in the same post), but likely the one mentioned in your asks will have more crack.

I really want to think you for your conideration of my ideas!! It means a lot to me that people actually see them and like can envision it and feel the raw potential for that story like I do. I know it took super long for me to get to this request and it might not even be how you wanted but I hope you like it. <333

Note to future requests: if you guys give me a list of ideas you want me to do (bc you're as indecisive as I am), I can pick one to write :33)

[constantfragmentation]

I love the latest chapter of Iron&Glass.

Sweet Dad Silco gets me every. damn. time.

I love.love.love Reader and reading it in Silco's pov. Their whole first meeting and the whole scene where she gets her first shower in a long time. omg. and he goes into full protective brother mode but maybe has a crush growing on her, a little possessiveness showing.

He really likes she admires him. So, it's going to be interesting how his relationship with Vander is going to go.

The parallels are really good too. He sees her qualities in Jinx. He's in a toxic relationship with Vander that he doesn't control so it seems right he would be controlling with Reader instead.

It feels like he's not sure what to do with her. There are some feelings coming and I think it's going to fuck him up.

You hit the nail on the head, indeed. It's going to fuck him up.

I wanted Vander to be in control of their relationship. Silco always admired him, wants to be him and now he's the 'secret' lover. But it's growing old.

I like to think Silco has never had a serious relationship except Vander, where emotions are involved. Yeah, he's had one-nighters but it's just sex.

With Reader, he's in control and he's finding he likes that. A LOT. It's on his terms. He just underestimates her feelings and his own suppressed feelings. He's kind of learned from Vander on how to treat a lover.

Being bisexual, I wanted to play in this area too. It can be difficult going from female to male relationships. You can be conflicted on your identity as far as sexuality. I see that in Silco. He likes both but as of now, he's more emotionally invested in Vander for many reasons. Cracks are showing though and they'll continue to grow bigger.

They're already having issues before Reader arrives. It opens up for them to have a fond friendship and Silco starts finding all the things he admired in Vander, she admires in HIM. That's some cocaine for the brain. In the first chapter she's telling him how smart he is and how he should be taking more control because clearly he's the brains in this group.

There is a divergence happening in how Silco sees managing the Lanes and the bigger idea of a full on revolution and this is where Vander starts to waver. He's had control of Silco for awhile and let it slip. Reigning him back in will be harder now that he is finding his own voice.

I wanted to blend Reader into how Silco perceives women and how he sees young Jinx. His protective side comes out. He remembers when he was like that for Reader and how it all went to hell, so he wants to fix that this time around.

I want to play with parallels of Silco/Vander , Silco/Reader and Reader/Jinx (non-sexual or romantic. Silco only views Jinx as a daughter)

There's kind of a triple betrayal on the horizon. Reader's attempt to build Silco up and pull him away backfires, she learns some not so good news on two accounts and hides one from Silco, by the time the other rolls around it's too late.

Vander's not an idiot. He starts to see things change. He didn't care about Silco's one-nighters because he always 'came home' to him in the end but with Reader, something is different and it becomes a tug of war on Silco. Who does he trust? Who does he believe? And who just deceived the shit out of him.

It will get very ugly prior to the attempted murder.

By the time Reader and Silco meet in present time.... the audience will know exactly what happened that tore everyone apart, and what Reader DOESN'T know about Silco until actually sees him again. It will be a shock to her. Will she realize the truth before it's too late?

That's what I'm hoping for.

I love writing unhealthy relationships. IRL, I wouldn't want one but they're hella dramatic to play with in fiction.

I wanted to show Readers loyalty to Silco. A friendship turning into more but its complicated. Unrequited love? I wanted to show her as scrappy, smart and independent at first but finding a lost soul in Silco and attaches to that (kind of like Jinx) because she has no one else. So when she starts to fall apart, Silco is literally "dude wtf ?Why are you a mess now?" because he expects her to be logical like him and doesn't realizes she harbours serious emotions for him.

Silco processing his emotions is a juggernut in itself. The man holds grudges until the time of fucking time. He has serious trust issues. He emotionally closes himself off out of fear of abandonment and hurt. He can't handle disloyalty or lies.

He knows when he's wronged someone but him apologizing for shit? Oh boy.

I love playing with his character because there is SO MUCH to work with. Silco is so damn complicated that you can take him in multiple directions.

Of course, me being long-winded as fuck when I'm talking about something I like.

I just need to learn to say: thank you! I appreciate it! Thanks for reading but my fucking brainrot says otherwise.

[mitternacht]

UU Appreciation Week Day 1: A negator you appreciate

Of course I was gonna sit here and yell about Rip! I’m still fairly new here but I have so much to say about him and his character, I ran out of time to do any sort of proper fic or anything so I’ll stick to what I do when all else fails and that’s write Too Much Meta™️ about my faves. So here is a bit of that.

The rest under the cut for spoilers!

Rip Tristan, where do I even start.

The tragedy of someone whose entire life was decided for him as a child, who never had any choice but to continue trying to carry out the singular goal he’s had since he was young and will be forever haunted by that. The constant visual symbolism of him not being able to escape his child self in Loop 100, the constant reminder that he’s changed and he’s betrayed everything he used to stand for. The cover for 175 in Loop 101, the entirety of chapter 176 finally allowing him to make peace with his inner child as he’s been given the chance to finally keep the promises he’s been holding in himself for so long.

The tragedy of a doctor turned weapon, no longer able to use his hands to save or heal, only to kill and maim. Blades used for saving lives only now good for taking them. The ever constant betrayal of himself and his ideals, of his deeply internalized need to help and save people, all in the name of love. Someone who was once willing to do anything to save the lives in front of him now willing to sacrifice quite literally everything around him for the sake of seeing the one he loves again.

The tragedy of someone who doesn’t realize the love in front of him until it’s too late. So blinded by the love he would sacrifice everything for that he didn’t recognize the love that would sacrifice everything for him.

The tragedy of someone so kind becoming someone willing to let the entire world burn without remorse, for love.

And that kindness that occasionally shines through in Loop 100 is genuinely what saves him in the end, going into Loop 101. And the few times he’s thrown aside his own goals and objectives to rush into trying to save a life don’t go unnoticed by those around him (aka trying to save Anno after using Life is Strange on him, and when Fuuko was stabbed by Unruin he immediately ran to her and started trying to figure out how to save her)

Has anyone ever talked about how the handgun Rip gives to Fuuko and ends up letting her keep after the Autumn arc becomes one of her main tools of offense and self defense going into Loop 101, and how she’s built an entire fighting style around it?

Have we talked about the way that Rip (in Loop 100 specifically) actively avoids direct physical contact with those he doesn’t want to hurt, unless absolutely necessary? And the way this parallels Fuuko, the way she might see a bit of herself in him? Rip in Loop 100 is so careful to avoid touching Lucy after saving her from Unruin, and it’s such a sad contrast to how affectionate he is in Loop 101 before Unrepair manifests.

The ways in which Rip and Andy also foil each other, the way they both begin Loop 100 trying to handle everything theirselves, not letting others share their burden. The ways in which they will both in the most literal sense sacrifice life and limb for the ones they love. The way we see both of them slowly take that next step forward, learning to let others shoulder the weight they carry (Rip took a whole loop to learn how to do this, but better late than never).

Rip was never supposed to be a villain, and he’s never written to be one which I adore. He tries so hard to portray himself as one in the beginning, but his true nature always ends up shining through, for the better.

I also adore so much the ways in which he will fight to keep holding on to the people he loves, regardless of whether anyone else in his life approves. He’s fought so hard to achieve his dreams, and I’m obsessed with his absolute refusal to give any of it up. He’s a bit of an idealist, of a romanticist, but he’s always proven to back that up with his actions and words.

He’s a beautifully written character with such a lovely storyline and it’s made me so happy to see him finally getting to exist as his truest self in Loop 101. He’s so full of love and light and I hope with every fiber of my being his story ends on a positive note.

I also need to give an honorary mention to Latla, because she is my queen and she is such a force of nature, I love her to bits.

[gffa]

I haven't had much time to read fic lately, because I've been basically consumed by two fics that I need everyone to read with me: ✦ Out with Lanterns by SkyeBean, ahsoka & mace & jedi & clones & cast, 312.5k     In another universe, Jedi Masters Plo Koon and Depa Billaba decide a Padawan could do Mace some good. It takes a while, but he eventually agrees. When he takes Ahsoka Tano as his Padawan, Mace knows that he’s broken through a Shatterpoint and changed the course of a life. How, he doesn’t know. I'm now about halfway through this fic and it continues to be just everything I want out of its concept--it's such a great Ahsoka fic as she grows up in the war and as a Jedi, as well as an amazing look at the Jedi in the middle of the Clone Wars, as all these familiar Jedi come around to teach her. It's such a fantastic parallel to the way Ahsoka worked with Luminara or Jocasta or Aayla or Sinube in the canon, but without feeling like a repeat, like it's all new characters for her to interact with and murder mysteries to get involved with or missions to sea worlds to get involved with and clones to grow closer to, etc. All wrapped up in the kind of writing that just pulls me in so fast that I don't realize I've been reading for half an hour before I finally look up and realize it's time to go to bed, because it's just so easy to slip into this story, it's so solidly built that I get satisfaction out of every chapter. There's such affection for the world and the characters appearing here and the themes, you can tell the author genuinely loves the world they're writing about and it spills over onto me every time I read and it makes my heart warm.

✦ Azula's Search by crowleyshouseplant, azula & zuko & ty lee & mai & ursa & cast, 190k After her defeat at the hands of Katara, Azula has lost her throne, her father, and her firebending. Held prisoner in her once lavish quarters, she is desperate to escape, and makes a proposition to Firelord Zuko that he cannot refuse. I'm halfway through Book One of this fic and already I'm in love, it's a slow burn Azula redemption fic that isn't shying away from the long road she has to walk or how complicated and biting of a character she is, but still showing the sympathetic way she got there. The rotating points of view have been fantastic for getting inside every character's head, like this is very much an Azula fic, but all the characters are getting their moments and the writing is just cutting its way straight to my fannish heart, that this girl can be so terrible and yet I ache so much for her. Gorgeously done so far and at two novels' length, I've been enjoying getting lost in the world being built here--every flashback to bb!Azula as a child has been punching me right in the feelings place, the line walked between what a cruel child she was and how she was just as abused as Zuko was, if in a different way. Such a good post-canon and Azula-centric fic.

[threbe]

I know a lot of people are hyped for this moment but I kind of feel bad for gwaian I know a part of her character and Tristan's

characters that they're supposed to be more than their parents but it just feels like at this point she doesn't get to be an original character she's either doing magic like Merlin or doing sunshine mode like escanor or somewhere in between with her powers it doesn't feel like she gets to be original like the other characters doing even

Tristan doesn't fully feel like a copy of meliodis or Elizabeth but with her she feels like she's just a mixture of both escanor and Merlin rolled into one is their magic love child she even has a hand-me-down outfit everyone else got a new outfit but her during part two and she just feels like she's a carbon copy of both of her parents

And yeah I know it hasn't been stated in the manga yet that she's related to Merlin or escanor but it's pretty clear through everything that she's heavily linked to them

I just don't know why she can't have original moments for herself that aren't really seen as moments that parallel Merlin and escanor or so heavily I wish she had more original moments like even though Lance has traits of both his parents you can still feel like he is his own character he doesn't feel like a complete copy of either Ban or Elaine

He takes advantage of the skills he's had and that he's learned and uses them in different ways than his parents did I wish we could see that gwaian maybe if I'm lucky in the future we'll get to see that but for now I just feel kind of disappointed and wish she could have her own moment that didn't reflect escanor and Merlin in any way and she was just her own character

Even nasiasin doesn't feel like a complete copy of king or Diane he feels like his own character with his own goals and dreams but with her I know her main goal is to figure out who she is where she comes from and what she likes women and some other things but in the long run after all that's discovered what does she hope to do after that it'd be nice if we got to explore that

Like what most characters in this situation you would at least think oh after they discovered who they are they can go be with their loan interest or discover something new but it doesn't feel like there's any setup for what she plans to do after she discovers who she is because I know once Merlin comes back or we get introduced to the Lady of the lake who likes to tell everybody's business will get her full backstory and then what after that

I know this kind of sounds like pointless rambling but I just wish there was more for her character other than feeling like just a straight-o copy of two other characters we have from the original series who weren't even together although escanor was in love with Merlin she did not fully reciprocate his feelings maybe at some point down the line she realized maybe she could have loved him and we did see that she kept the burns on her face from the kiss she got from him before he died but other than that Merlin made it clear she had closed her heart off to love and wish that if he had love truly loved her she wished she had found her 3,000 years early but it was to late

I'm hoping that nakuba maybe does something more with her character in the future he's never actually been the best at writing female characters a lot of mangas that don't exactly have great female characters unless you look at certain mangas that have a certain types of female leads

A good example of a female lead I can think from a story is maka from soul eater, and rukia from bleach even though she's not the main character she still has a very heavy strong presence that's recognized as a strong good female character that a lot of people

Maybe if I'm lucky down the line gwaian will get something like that I know it just sounds like I'm rambling and complaining about nothing but I just have so much hope for this character and I feel like I'm not getting that with how things are going with how her characters being written

[fleckficgirl]

Heartthrob | Arthur Fleck x reader 💗 CHAPTER 10

Summary: Attempting to conceal her checkered past, a young dancer in Gotham (Y/N) lands a job at Ha-Ha’s and finds herself increasingly drawn to a shy, lonely clown named Arthur Fleck.

Warnings: This chapter contains mugging, memory loss, traumatic brain injury. This fic as a whole contains sex, language, violence, mental illness.

Word Count: 3164

Chapter List: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Author’s Note: I’m back! Obviously, it took me sooo long to figure out how to write this next chapter, but I finally got it together. I really appreciate your patience in the meantime & hope you enjoy reading it. The plan is to post more regularly soon (Chapter 11 is almost done).

“Makeup is an art,” Chantelle and Tina had explained to you the night before. “Think of your face as a canvas.”

Despite all their well-intentioned beauty coaching, the cold, hard truth was you still had no idea what the hell you were doing - you couldn’t even keep the differences between moisturizer, foundation and concealer straight in your brain. And after twenty minutes of attempting to “paint” your face like the natural-born Rembrandt they were convinced you were, you’d stared back at your reflection in the mirror and decided you looked like a clown…and not in a sexy-Arthur-Fleck kinda way.  

Exasperated, you’d washed everything off, opting instead for a tiny bit of mascara, lip gloss and powder.

But then there was the issue of your hair. You’d burned your fingers on Tina’s flat iron before managing to get things somewhat under control. But as soon as you stepped out onto the street the rain began to fall, causing your already-unruly mane to frizz up completely by the time you reached the subway.

Chantelle’s handpicked outfit, however, remained the only unblemished element of tonight's ensemble: her tight-fitting angora sweater did things for your non-existent cleavage you’d never imagined possible. You’d be sure to thank her profusely later…even though she thought you were going out with someone else tonight.

You’d never cared how you looked in front of a guy before…but Arthur Fleck wasn’t just a guy. To say he’d gotten under your skin was, perhaps, the understatement of your life: you were becoming crazy about the man.

You didn't know how you were going to survive this date. You could barely hold it together in Arthur’s presence without wanting to reach out and smother him with affection, and the kiss between you earlier today had only solidified your deepest desires. You wanted Arthur in so many ways…ways you didn’t even understand yet. It reminded you of the first time you’d ever rode the Giant Dipper at Amusement Mile: the sensation of your stomach flying up into your throat as you went over that first terrifying drop…a disconcerting mix of fear and exhilaration. Was this what being in love felt like?

***

The bouncer at Pogo’s frowned as you handed him your ID.

“Are you…um…are you alright, miss?” he asked, concern in his eyes.

You were thrown off by the question. “Of course. Why?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but…have you looked in a mirror recently?”

You shook your head. The jerk was actually making fun of how bad your hair and makeup had turned out. People in this city really didn’t know how to act.

“Wow, you’re hilarious,” you rolled your eyes at him, snatching back your ID. “Can I please go inside now? My friend’s about to go on.”

You pushed past the rude bouncer and entered the club, scanning the room feverishly for an empty seat. Spotting one parallel to the center of the stage, your eyes lit up and you rushed over to claim it. As you sat down, a strange chill ran up your spine as you slowly began to realize: everyone was staring at you. Faces of concern and mockery swam around you, and you weren’t sure why.

Oh shit, you thought. Do I have something on my face?

Unfortunately, you hadn’t brought a compact mirror (Tina and Chantelle had given you a five minute lecture on the importance of always carrying on in your purse), so you couldn’t check. And you couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom because then you’d lose your seat. You shifted uncomfortably in your chair, then glanced at your watch and saw the glass was cracked.

Weird. You hadn’t remembered smashing it against anything on the way over.

Your concerns about your appearance, however, were quickly dissolved as the current act wrapped and the emcee took the mic.

“This next comic describes himself as a lifelong Gotham resident who from a young age was told that ‘his purpose in life was to bring laughter and joy into this cold, dark world.’ Umm. Okay? Please help me welcome Arthur Fleck!”

You applauded along with the rest of the half-faded crowd as relief washed over you. Thank God you hadn’t missed him. As Arthur took the stage, your heart began to throb again. There were simply simply no words to describe how incredible he looked tonight. His red vest. The crisp, white button-down shirt underneath it. The matching slacks.

And his hair. His hair.

You were certain his hair was going to be the death of you. How was it possible that you and that gorgeous hair inhabited the same planet without the entire world imploding?

Arthur squinted out at the crowd before speaking. You knew he was searching for you, needing to see you in the audience, needing to know you were there for him. And you were. When the two of you locked eyes, he smiled. You smiled back at him and everything else fell away. It was you and Arthur again. And nothing else in this cold, dark world mattered.

You didn’t care that Arthur had a laughing episode at the beginning of his act. You didn’t care that basically all his jokes fell flat, either. You didn’t care about any of that. All you cared about was how proud you were of him. So proud, you felt like you could burst into a million pieces.

When he finished his set, you leapt to your feet, clapping and screaming. Arthur blushed from the stage, embarrassed…and pleased. Everyone was staring at you, then back at Arthur, then back at you in dazed confusion. Two weirdo peas in a pod…and proud.

“We’re gonna take a short break,” the emcee announced.

A moment later, you and Arthur found each other at the back of the club.

“You were amazing, Arthur!” you exclaimed as you threw your arms around him.

“I'm so glad you came tonight…” he hummed into your ear. Of course, your depraved mind twisted the meaning of those two words in your head, and you found yourself having to stifle a blushing smile. You felt your body quaver with excitement at being next to him once again.

“Wait a minute…” Arthur pulled back to look at you, shock and concern flooding his face.

“Y/N, what…what happened to you?”

You blinked. “What? Nothing happened to me.”

“You’re…you’re hurt.” Arthur looked you up and down, then lifted your hands to eye-level. Bruises in the shape of what looked like fingers and fingertips lined the insides of your wrists. You frowned at the sight, utterly confused.

“Y/N, who…who did this to you?”

“I’m fine!” you insisted. “I mean…I have a slight headache, but, y’know,  it’s probably just the rain.”  

“Y/N, look at me. Tell me what happened. Can you remember?”

It took a minute for your brain to register Arthur’s question, which you realized was a little strange.

“Well,” you inhaled, trying hard to formulate your thoughts. “I got on the subway…I know that. And I took it all the way to…well, whatever this stop was near here, you know? And then I got off the train and went up the stairs…and then…” you looked up into Arthur’s beautiful eyes. “And then I was here. Watching you perform for the very first time. And I’m so proud of you, Arthur!” you squealed as if you’d seen him for the first time tonight all over again.

“You don’t remember anything else? You must have hit your head.”

“I'm fine!”

“Y/N,” Arthur’s worried eyes blinked at you. “I don’t think you are. I think I need to take you to the hospital.”

“But it’s our big date!” you wailed. “I got all dressed up and everything!”

At that moment, a few Wall Street bro types brushed past and snickered at Arthur.

“Nice set, freak. In case you didn’t get the memo: you’re supposed to tell the jokes and the audience is supposed to laugh…not the other way around.”

"He has a laughing condition, you assholes!" you snarled at them without hesitation.

To everyone’s surprise, the bros paused, thrown off by the fact you’d called them out.

“Sorry…” Arthur interjected, glancing at the dudes apologetically. “She’s…she’s not feeling well.”

Arthur shot you a desperate please-shut-your-mouth-before-you-get-us-both-killed look, but you could see there was a tiny, triumphant smile curling up his lips underneath it. Still, the words were flying out of your mouth and there wasn’t much you could do to stop them.

“Yeah, I’m not feeling well,” you continued loudly, glowering at them. “Maybe if assholes would shut their fat faces and stop acting ignorant, I’d feel better.”

“Okay, you’re coming with me now!” Arthur wrapped his arm around your shoulders and scooted you towards the door. You looked over your shoulder to see them staring after you, dumbfounded. The sight of it made you laugh.

“Y/N,” Arthur pulled you into him as soon as you were outside. “I’m taking you to Gotham Hospital. We’ve gotta get you checked out.”

“No, Arthur!” you protested. You didn’t exactly know why you were so opposed to the idea, but your first instinct was to protest.

“I’m worried about you,” he emphasized.

“I’m fine!”

“Y/N, please. Please? Just do it for me. Just so I know you’re okay.”

“Okay.”

You’d switched it up so quickly, Arthur blinked in disbelief. He cleared his throat, nodding.

“Uh…okay. Good. Let’s go.”

**

“This is not where I expected to end up tonight,” you lamented. Arthur sat next to you, a clipboard given to him by the nurse at the front desk in his lap. He was trying to fill out your paperwork for you.

“Um. Your last name is…L/N right?”

“Yeah” You smiled at him. “How’d you know?”

Arthur blushed. “I…might have looked at your timecard. I was…curious about you. This was before…you know…we became...closer.”

“That’s so sweet! I looked at your timecard, too!”

Arthur stifled a laugh. “What’s your date of birth?”

He patiently wrote in all the answers and brought the completed forms back up to the desk.

“I’m surprised there aren’t more people here,” you observed, looking around at the handful of other patients. “It is a Friday night, after all.”

“It’s only ten o’clock,” Arthur reasoned. “My guess is things get crazier out there in a couple hours or so.”

“I feel like things are flying out of my mouth tonight without any filter,” you blurted. “And I’m not even that angry.”

“I feel like they are, too,” Arthur agreed. “But, that’s okay. I’m glad you agreed to come here. I’m…I’m still worried about you.”  

You narrowed your eyes at him, leaning in. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Arthur looked a little startled, but he nodded.

“How do you get your hair to look so good all the time?”

Arthur’s eyebrows arched and he laughed.

“I'm serious!”

“No…I'm sorry,” he demurred, looking down at the tile floor. “It's just that nobody’s ever said that to me before.”

“Nobody ever said your hair looks incredible?” you asked. “Like it's the most gorgeous hair in the world? Nobody ever approached you to do shampoo commercials?”

“Maybe that's my true calling,” he joked.

“What shampoo do you use?”

"That's a personal question," Arthur teased as the door to the back of the ER swung open.

“L/N? F/N L/N?” the nurse called out.

You leapt to your feet. “Oh! That’s me.”

“Do you want me to wait here?” Arthur asked.

“Are you kidding?” You extended your hand and pulled him up. “Of course I want you to come. You’re my emotional support clown.”

**

After weighing you, taking your blood pressure, asking if you had any allergies to any medications and all the other boring details that entailed a medical visit, the nurse set you up in an examination room and read through your paperwork, pursing her lips as she centered in on the handwritten scrawl (Arthur’s handwriting of course) that explained why you’d come to the ER in the first place.

“It says here you…think you hit your head?”

“He thinks I hit my head,” you clarified, jerking said head towards Arthur. “I’m still not sure. There’s a big gap in my memory from tonight and I don’t know why.”

“There are bruises on her arms,” Arthur added. “She came to meet me and she looked…disheveled. Like someone had…”

He paused. The nurse looked you up and down.

“You don’t remember what happened to cause the bruises?”

You shrugged. “I can be clumsy sometimes.”

“You’re not…that clumsy,” Arthur murmured under his breath. “I mean,” he looked up at the nurse. “She’s a dancer. She’s…one of the most graceful people I’ve ever seen.”

“Arthur, that is so sweet!” you exclaimed.

The nurse shot you both a skeptical look, then smiled. “Your husband obviously cares for you a great deal.”

“Oh,” Arthur blushed. “I’m…not her-”

“Yes, he’s a wonderful husband!” you interjected, flashing him a slightly maniacal smile. “So protective of me. I couldn’t ask for a better one.”

“It sounds like you might have taken a fall,” the nurse continued, jotting down a few notes on your chart. “But the bruises on your wrists do look like they were caused by someone else’s hands.”

“My watch is broken, too,” you blurted.

“I’m wondering if maybe you were mugged. It happens to women in Gotham all the time, unfortunately.”

“But I still have all my money,” you pointed out, opening up your purse to show off your untouched wallet.

“Maybe you fought them off,” Arthur suggested. It wasn’t a completely outlandish notion. You were known to bring out the feistiness if the wrong people pushed your buttons.

“In any case, we’ll run some tests to check for concussion and other injuries.”

The nurse opened a drawer and handed you a light blue paper robe. “You can put this on. I’ll inform the doctor and he’ll check you over.”

“Thank you,” Arthur said.

“Of course. He should be by in just a minute.”

“What a nice lady,” you said to Arthur after she left you alone. “Don’t always meet people like that around here.”

“Very nice,” Arthur agreed. He cleared his throat. “Um…do you want me to leave, or…turn around while you get changed?”

You blinked, the reality of everything that had happened tonight finally hitting you.

“I just can’t believe this is how tonight turned out.”

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked softly.

“I had a whole outfit planned, Arthur! And my hair and makeup. I wanted to impress you and look beautiful for you tonight.”

“Y/N…” Arthur stood up to face you. “You are beautiful. No matter what. All I care about is that you’re okay.”

You sighed, moved by his sweet words, but you still felt utterly crestfallen and defeated. “I ruined our first date. And your big stand-up debut. I wanted tonight to be perfect so bad…”

“You didn’t ruin it,” Arthur interrupted. “I…” he paused. “Of course I wish none of this had happened to you. This city is…awful. In so many ways.” He paused, taking your hand into his. “But…I just love being with you. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, as long as we’re together.”

You wanted to kiss him again, but suddenly the door flew open and a man in a white coat suddenly stood before you both.

“I hear somebody got banged up tonight.”

**

Dr. White’s bedside manner was on the complete other end of the spectrum of your nice nurse’s from a few minutes before, but you’d come to expect that from men with MDs. After performing the perfunctory tests of shining a light in your eyes, examining your body for additional trauma or bruising (none was found) and asking you a few routine questions, he announced his evaluation:

“My guess is you got mugged. Maybe the muggers chickened out before they could actually…you know…mug you. It does look like you’ve got a concussion.”

“What can you do for that?”Arthur asked, concerned.

The doctor snorted at what he obviously deemed a dumb question. “Not much. Just wait it out. Don’t go to sleep for a while.”

“What happens if I fall asleep?” you asked.

“You could die.”

“Oh.”

“Your brain’ll heal itself,” the doctor continued. “Might take a little time. Just try to take it easy and don’t be in places where this could happen to you again.”

“You mean the entire city?” you asked, raising an annoyed eyebrow at him. You knew what he meant, but the slight insinuation that getting mugged was somehow your fault didn’t sit great with you.

“What can I say?” Dr. White shook his head and shrugged. “Welcome to Gotham.”

“I’ve lived here all my life,” you informed him dryly. “Gotham’s a jungle.”

“Then welcome to the jungle.”

**

“Are you hungry?” Arthur asked in the lobby of the hospital. It was past midnight. “There’s a diner down the street people seem to like.” He paused. “That is…if it’s not too late for you.”

The way you saw it, you’d stay up all night with Arthur if he’d have you.

“Let’s go to the diner. I could really go for a cheeseburger."

Arthur laughed. “Okay.”

The rain had stopped and the air outside felt crisp and freshly-washed. For a brief moment, it made you forget that the garbage strike in Gotham had just entered its seventh week.

You and Arthur moved through the crowded sidewalk together, stumbling through the endless obstacles of people and garbage. A startling headline caught your eye as you walked past a newsstand, and you stopped in your tracks to read it:  

KILLER CLOWN ON THE LOOSE. LATEST NEWS ON THE MURDERS, PAGE TWO.

Beneath was a drawing of a vampiric clown.

“Can you believe that?” you asked.

Arthur paused alongside you, his eyes wide as he soaked in the headline.

“I watched this on the news last night."

Arthur nodded, pulling out and lighting a cigarette. “They worked at Wayne Enterprises. All three of them.”

You rolled your eyes. “That figures.”

Arthur cocked his head to one side. “What do you mean?”

You continued, lowering your voice. “Between you and me, I actually knew one of them. Back when I was still at college. He was a complete asshole, and that’s putting it nicely.” You sighed. “And if I had to guess, those ‘friends’ of his were cut from the exact same cloth. But it looks like he finally picked the wrong person to fuck with. And I can’t say I’m shedding any tears.”

Arthur nodded slowly, taking in your words.

“I’m sorry,” you stopped yourself. “You must think I’m crazy for talking like this.”

“No,” he shook his head. “I don’t think you’re crazy at all.”

“Three less pricks in Gotham City,” you quipped. “Only a million more to go!”

Arthur threw back his head and laughed. You took it as a good sign: despite the traumatic brain injury and the chaotic night you’d shared, his smile still made you go weak at the knees.

🤍🩷 Thanks for reading. Visit my Masterlist for all my Fleck writing, including future chapters of Heartthrob.

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[abyssalzones]

experiencing Disabled Rage, so i would like to ask if you have any bits and bobs about abw!ford's eye (or. lack thereof) for me to chew on like a dog

ooh good question... I will do my best to assuade your rage with some thoughts of mine, one disabled to another.

worth noting I do not have experience with missing an eye so it is of course possible for me to get something wrong here, in which case: sorry. (Lot of fucking words below the cut. also tw for discussion of traumatic injury, particularly the medical aspects of eye injuries)

general medical/background information:

I'm actually unsure if it's an enucleation (removal of the eye) or an exenteration (removal of the whole socket including optic nerve) with plastic surgery to recreate housing for a prosthetic

the reason I'm unsure is because I imagine there would be a pretty nasty scar left behind due to the violent nature of the injury but I don't know if they would just scoop out the whole thing due to nerve damage? I'm not a surgeon and this is a cartoon so I opt for easier narrative answers, in which case more likely enucleation.

keeping that in mind I think even if ford Could hypothetically get plastic surgery with his fancy shmancy oddology money he's more likely to leave any gnarly scarring (that doesn't interfere with his health) as-is... a reminder of what happened, maybe?

initially he wears an eyepatch while recovering + going through the process of being fitted for a prosthetic and then it just kind of becomes his brand, I think it makes for a nice parallel to stan... where stan (in the main timeline) is wearing a fake eyepatch (concealing things but not Really concealing much of anything, she's still the same grunkle you see on the surface) ford actually is covering up secrets in an effort to protect himself but he also ends up owning his Weirdness brand. y'know. it's symbolic

more disability specific stuff:

adjusting to the eyestrain is a Bitch And a Half, especially considering ford as someone who does a lot of writing and illustration. I think it would fuck up his journaling in the sense that he'd stray to the side of the page he can see without realizing it and leave a noticeable gap. knowing him he'd train himself out of that habit but I could see it being frustrating

oh baby you thought those "things I see in the periphery of my vision" hallucinations were bad before huh. this guy's hallucinations have a name and everything. bill might as well have his own condominium apartment in his blindspot even if he isn't a tangible problem in his life anymore

I don't think the injury would've been deep enough to hit brain tissue but I can't imagine any optic nerve damage would help in regards to ford having a potential TBI. he's Mr Symptoms to me but in particular I think he's sensitive to light and probably has more coordination issues than main timeline ford

fiddleford and stan (or lee, in the case of this au where I like to imagine she'd start using a more butch-y name) both pick up the habit of staying to the sighted side of ford, though this would be awkward for oddology publicity photoshoots where obviously they'd want ford in the middle as the face of the company... cue ford bumping into whoever is unfortunate enough to be in his blindspot. a lot.

with that in mind I think ford probably feels pretty frustrated and embarrassed by the new limitations considering how much he's prided himself on his independence in the past. it takes a long time for him to let fiddleford or lee help him with things like shaving (particularly difficult because he can't just focus his good eye on the other side of his face in the mirror, obviously. and no he isn't allowed to just set his face on fire) or even just reading if his eye is tired. but part of this au is him allowing himself to be looked after, so...

it's also difficult sometimes just for the painful memories it brings up. it isn't just a clean hole in his face, there's signs of a struggle. there's always that unspoken question of how it happened-- how do you avoid your status as a victim of violence when it's literally written on your face? but then if it looked neater, would it magically erase the fact that it did happen? would it just make him feel worse, more like he's hiding the end result of the worst mistake of his life? so without the eyepatch he feels very vulnerable.

fiddleford will plant a kiss on his brow sometimes which makes him feel a little better (avoiding the scar itself because it's sensitive for both psychological and nerve-damage reasons)

when the twins are old enough to start spending more time around their uncles/aunt I could imagine dipper finds it spooky and theorizes as to The Mystery of Grunkle Ford's Missing Eye (sort of like how he fixated on stan's "tattoo") whereas mabel is like waittt can you get fake eyes in different colors? what if you had a cool marble pattern in there. like these

I think he'd pick crystal or neptune

this has been Eyeball Talk

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Your Name vs WWY: Asushin vs Reishin

This is a follow up to this post which I’ve decided to write a longer essay on. The Evangelion fandom has long been divided over best girl wars between Asuka Langely Soryu and Rei Ayanami and over who would be the better partner for Shinji. I became a fan of NGE a few months back and have been strongly team blue, despite its controversial nature, but I try to understand team red as well. I’ve also become a fan of Makoto Shinkai, who considers EVA and Anno a big influence on his work, after watching Suzume in theaters last year and Your Name in 2021.

While Suzume was more about trauma and loss, Shinkai’s two previous films, Your Name and Weathering With You are more explicitly romantic. While not perfect parallels as there are some differences, I’ve realized that Your Name is a good movie for Asushin fans and WWY is a film Reishin shippers would prefer and will elaborate further on this.

There actually is a Korean fan comic based on Your Name as a post Rebuild Asushin AU. Your Name is the story of two teenagers who dislike each other at first but slowly begin to fall in love. Both have distant relationships with their fathers after their mothers died/left like Shinji and Asuka. Taki’s father acts sort of like how Gendo did in the domestic AU in Episode 26. Both Asushin and Taki/Mitsuha fall under the opposites attract, tsundere kind of anime romance that’s tragic, humorous, hopeful and emotional all at once. They irritate and grate on each other at first but begin to develop romantic feelings and are attracted to each other. Funny enough, the voice actor who plays adult Shinji in 3.0+1.0 is the same as Taki’s as well as Serizawa in Suzume.

One other parallel I picked up on was the confession scene from Thrice Upon a Time. It came out years after Your Name so it’s more of a coincidence but both Shinji and Asuka take a moment to confess their feelings before going on what they think is a suicide mission. Not unlike how Taki confessed his love for Mitsuha just before he disappeared which gave her the motivation to demand her father evacuate the town. They never actually start a relationship in the movie and their fate is left ambiguous though the novelization for WWY confirmed Taki and Mitsuha got married. The way they meet again is kind of like Shinji and Asuka’s reunion in the manga too. Some other things I’ve noticed are that some of the side characters are similar to those from NGE. Taki and Mitsuha’s friends: Tessie, Sayaka and Tsukasa are a bit like Toji, Hikari and Kensuke. Your Name feels like an AU where Shinji and Asuka were able to develop a healthier relationship and weren’t damaged by being child soldiers.

WWY seems similar at first, being another story about a rural kid who hates their home life and wishes to move to Tokyo and a city slicker but it’s quite different and TV tropes lists the two films as an example of Spiritual Antithesis. WWY is about two lonely outcasts, both who’ve lived difficult lives, who befriend and develop feelings for each other with one doomed to a cruel fate. It’s also not a love at first sight kind of romance. Hodaka is intrigued by Hina the first time he sees her, then sees her as someone to save, she gets angry at him for acting impulsive but quickly warms up to him.

Hodaka acts a lot more respectful to Hina than Taki did to Mitsuha and only glances at her inappropriately once. Kind of like Shinji’s dynamic with Rei and Asuka. Hina acts a bit maternal despite being younger than Hodaka, calling him out for running away and for being impulsive while also comforting him when crying. Their relationship starts as a platonic friendship with Hodaka falling in love and maturing as a person because of her. He’s scared after learning of her true nature but comes to accept her just as Shinji did for Rei. Hina learns to value herself and grows as an individual like Rei chose to rebel against Gendo’s demands, for Shinji.

Then there’s the ending. WWY is part of the Sekai Kei genre, same as NGE. The world is just a vehicle to tell a personal story about the MC, their growth and rebirth and their relationship with their romantic interest. The grand escape scene is basically a mix of the ending of 2.22 with the falling scene from Spirited Away. Hodaka goes to get Hina back at the cost of the rain flooding Tokyo just as Shinji tried to save Rei and caused the near Third Impact. The ending is basically “what if Shinji succeeded and got to reunite with the Rei he knew in 3.33”. Some of the side characters in this movie are also similar to those from EVA. Natsumi and Mr. Suga are a bit like Misato and Kaji except they’re family rather than lovers, though Hodaka assumed that much to everyone’s disgust.

I think that’s the difference between Asushin and Reishin as well as Your Name vs WWY. One’s more of a cliche but tragic and emotional anime romance and the other is more of a pure love despite being seen as problematic by some. Both are about overcoming obstacles but in different ways. I respect people who prefer Asushin and I do love both movies as well as Shinkai’s other works like 5 Centimeters Per Second and Suzume but by writing this piece, I hope more will understand Reishin for what it is as opposed to dismissing it because of “incest” and many in team red would probably feel the same because of all the jokes about the hospital scene. Hopefully more will keep an open mind when it comes to EVA ships as not everyone has to like the same pairing.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Barbarian Bat: Part Two

A/N: It is sadly the last day of @nessianweek but I have had so much fun writing lots of fics and reading lots of fics! And I want to thank everyone for reading part one of this silly little AU earlier this week. Hopefully, you all enjoy part two, and I'm hoping to update with part three soon. :)

Previous Part // Next Part // Read on AO3

The trek through the snow is awkward and quiet, Cassian leading the way and Nesta trailing behind, trying to keep up with his long, easy strides. He slows to a stop each time that Nesta’s steps trip up, each time her foot sinks too deep, but he doesn’t turn back to look at her. He merely waits for her to regain her footing, to dig her snowshoe out, and then they continue on through the dark and the mountains of white.

If the entire journey to the spaceship is going to be this way, Nesta isn’t sure how much longer she’ll be able to take before her anger and annoyance really get the best of her. She remembers taking the journey once before, when all the women were given the knowledge transfer so they would understand the language the sa-khui spoke. It had taken almost a day between the spaceship and the main cave that they now call home. A day of awkward silence. A day of this tense energy that’s thrumming in the air between them. A day of her stupid khui vibrating and singing away, the damned thing still not shutting up.

As they walk, Nesta looks around, trying to recognize any landmarks from that previous journey, but everything on this planet looks the same. It’s all endless waves of white, snow reaching as far as the eyes can see in every direction. It’s only broken up by the strange bushes on this planet, by the purple and pink wispy stalks that are meant to be some kind of trees.

Perhaps she’s seen that particular cluster of trees before?

But any familiarity Nesta swears by vanishes as she takes in the rocky cliff face they’re walking toward. Under the pale light of the two moons, the snow covered rocks look especially looming and ominous, like sleeping giants waiting to wake, to rise. It has a shudder skittering up Nesta’s spine, and she hurries her steps enough to stick close to Cassian’s side as he walks parallel to the cliff face.

He makes it about halfway along the cliff face before coming to a stop before some sort of small opening, the abruptness of it almost sending Nesta careening into his back. She scowls and glares at his shoulder blades as she almost trips over her own feet, her snowshoes sinking deeper with her effort to stop quickly. She doesn’t let up even when Cassian finally turns over his shoulder and looks at her again, letting him feel and see all of her ire.

“Stay here,” Cassian tells her before slipping through the opening between the rocks, a cave Nesta realizes. He doesn’t stay inside for long, stepping back out into the night and gesturing with his hand for her to enter. “It is safe.”

But Nesta doesn’t move. She stays rooted to the spot and crosses her arms across her chest. “I thought you were taking me to the Elder Cave.”

“It is too dangerous to travel that far at night. We will rest here then continue the journey at first light.”

“How do I know you’re even taking me to the Elder Cave? That this isn’t some trick where you pretend to go along with what I want.”

Cassian’s eyebrows dip low at the accusation, his mouth pinching as he crosses his own arms. “Do you not trust me?”

“No,” Nesta answers matter-of-factly, unable to stop her scoff even if she wants to. “Human men, those weird green alien men, the basketball head alien men, even giant blue alien men… you’re all the same. You’re all just men.”

It’s more information than Nesta means to share, a part of herself that she hadn’t meant to hand over so easily. She’s never been good at any type of openness, any type of vulnerability. She’s always preferred claws and masks and armor. Snap and snarl now, and no one will ever ask questions later. Push someone out the door, and they never have the opportunity to leave.

But Cassian has always seen through her every defense, her every wall, ever since she stepped on this godsforsaken planet. She feels it now as Cassian’s eyes sweep over her frame, stripped bare, every crack, every nick, every bruise to her soul on full display. It’s as though he’s cataloging her every expression, tucking each reveal from her away.

“Give me their names, then,” Cassian finally speaks.

“What?” Nesta whispers, blinking in confusion.

Cassian steps closer to her, the breeze carrying with it the heat that always seems to radiate from him, the scent of low burning embers and what Nesta has always sworn was pine. He’s close enough that Nesta has to tilt her head back to continue to meet his gaze, a fire practically blazing across his expression. His hand reaches up in the space between them, a whisper of his touch skating along her cheek, before he seems to think better of it. His fingers curl back into his palm, hands settling into fists at his sides instead.

“Give me the names of these men that have hurt you, and I will find a way to hunt them down, to shatter every bone in their bodies for ever laying a finger on you.”

The declaration has Nesta swallowing hard, even as her traitorous heart skips a beat between her ribs, even as her khui starts singing again. “Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.”

“Then I will make a promise that I can keep. I will never hurt you, Nesta. I swear it,” Cassian says, pressing a hand to his chest, to where his own khui answers.

He says the words with such conviction, with such earnestness on his face, that Nesta doesn’t know how to respond. Words tangle on her tongue, clogging the back of her throat and battling with the emotions swirling like a storm in her chest until all she can do is try desperately to breathe around them. There’s no stopping that cold and cruel voice whispering in the back of her mind, digging its claws in with doubt and hesitation. Even if she wants to believe him, even if she wants to speak those words, she’s been burned too many times. She knows exactly how this will play out in the end. So she merely presses her lips together, wraps her arms tightly around herself like that will help hold herself together.

Cassian sighs softly at her extended silence. “If it will make you more comfortable, I can stay outside the cave for the night.”

“I thought you said it was dangerous. Snow-cats and all that,” Nesta reminds him before chewing at her bottom lip and turning away from his piercing gaze. “It’s fine.”

Before she can change her mind or take the words back, she ducks down and steps into the cave. It’s certainly small, clearly meant to just house a single hunter for the night. There’s a designated area for a fire, and when Nesta squints through the dark, she spies a few supplies like fuel and spare spears tucked neatly along the far wall. The way the walls seem to press in around her has Nesta’s hackles raising, especially when Cassian steps inside just behind her with his tall frame and wide shoulders, but she takes a deep, steeling breath, refusing to give in to those swirling shadows within her.

She spots where Cassian set down their packs, and she cuts across the small space to them, more than happy to have something to do with her hands. She unties her furs from her own pack first, unrolling them out across the cave floor and straightening them how she likes. She chances a glance over her shoulder, watching as Cassian strikes flint to start a fire.

An orangey glow flickers to life in the cave, casting shadows and shapes across the walls and floor. The firelight bounces off the dark strands of Cassian’s curls, his hair pulled back and tied off with a leather strap. It draws emphasis to his horns, to the plates and ridges on his arms and the way they shift along with his flexing muscles. Nesta finds herself tracing the dark colored lines and swirls across his blue skin, Cassian one of the few sa-khui with tattoos.

As if he can feel her attention on him, Cassian turns his head, meeting her gaze. Nesta is quick to snap her own head back around, swallowing down the heat threatening to creep up her neck, the way her heart skitters and skips for a moment. She grabs for Cassian’s pack to distract herself, untying his furs and laying them out in what little space remains of the cave floor.

“You should try and get some sleep,” Cassian’s voice breaks the quiet. “If we want to leave for the Elder Cave at first light.”

Nesta knows that he’s right, so she takes a moment to tug off her boots and her various outer layers of leathers, damp from the cold and the snow, and rests them near the fire so they can dry. It leaves her in just the long, loose leather tunic she wears beneath, her legs exposed. She can feel Cassian’s gaze on them, goosebumps prickling across her skin in the wake of his attention, so she quickly slips beneath her furs.

She burrows deep into them, tugging the furs up and around her shoulders as she turns to face the cave wall. Nesta has never done well in the cold. Back on earth, she always kept her thermostat higher than most during the winter months, always had plenty of blankets on her sofa to pile on when she curled up with her books.

And of course now she’s stuck on a planet literally covered in snow.

Even with the furs wrapped tight around her, even with the heat of the fire, Nesta can’t help but shiver. She nearly jumps out of her skin when another layer of furs is gently placed atop her. She cranes her head enough to watch Cassian move away and back to the space where she had laid out his own furs earlier, her lip finding home between her teeth.

“Won’t you be cold now?” Nesta dares to ask, fingers toying with her now extra furs.

“I will be fine. I have slept in worse conditions,” Cassian dismisses, getting comfortable against the cave floor. “Go to sleep, Nes.”

Nesta sighs softly but she rolls back over and tries to get comfortable herself. She watches the way the shadows flicker and dance across the stone of the cave wall from the fire, and tries to focus on emptying her mind. This whole night has already been bad enough, and the last thing she needs is another round of nightmares to make things even more awkward between her and Cassian. She squeezes her eyes shut and keeps her breathing a steady in and out, in and out, until finally the blissful darkness sweeps her away.

~ * * * ~

Nesta blinks her eyes open slowly, sniffling softly as she rubs at them and tries to reorient herself. It takes her a moment to remember where she is, to remember the events of the previous night. Resonating with Cassian. Making the trek to this hunter cave. She presses a hand against her chest, but her stupid khui is surprisingly silent.

With a quiet huff, Nesta sits up, rubbing at her arms against the chill. A glance around the cave tells her that the fire has banked to just embers. It also tells her that she’s alone in the cave, Cassian nowhere to be seen. That fact has Nesta frowning, and she scrambles out of her furs, grabbing her now dried clothes and yanking them back on. She heads for the cave opening and the privacy screen still in place, her anger already beginning to spark at her supposed escort being MIA.

“Ho,” Cassian’s voice sounds from outside, and Nesta freezes. That’s the greeting the sa-khui use with one another, which means…

“Ho,” another voice answers, followed by the sounds of footsteps in the snow coming closer.

“I am surprised to see you out on the trails so early,” Cassian comments.

“I wish that I came with good news,” the other sa-khui explains. Azriel’s voice Nesta realizes. “Rhys is furious. He has accused you of stealing the human female to force resonance.”

Shit. That’s definitely not good news. Rhysand had made it very clear to the tribe about how the women who had crashed on the planet here were to be treated, had set very firm rules and very strict punishments. If he thought Cassian had kidnapped her, that meant he could banish Cassian from the tribe. And it would be all her fault. Guilt churns in Nesta’s gut, and she squeezes her eyes shut to try and fight off the wave of sickness.

Cassian lets out an annoyed huff. “I did not do that. You were there.”

“I know. Luckily, when I told them what had happened, how she tried to leave on her own and you tried to stop her, that you went with her to ensure she was safe, Feyre was not surprised. She said that her sister would do something like that, and many in the tribe agreed. They do call her the stubborn one. The scary one.”

“Do not call her that,” Cassian all but growls, his tone fierce.

Azriel lets out a pained gasp as though he’s been shoved hard, a moment passing before he speaks again. “I am sorry, brother. I know that you have a soft spot for her.”

“She is hurting. It is very clear. I do not know why no one else can see it.” Cassian sighs, his voice dropping quiet enough that Nesta has to lean even closer to the privacy screen to hear him. “I just wish to help her.”

His words, the unwavering sincerity of his tone, they have Nesta’s chest tightening, her traitorous heart skipping between her ribs. None of the men back on earth ever spoke of her like that, least of all when they thought she couldn’t hear them. She’ll never forget the words she overheard in school. The words Tomas would sneer with his friends behind her back.

Cassian barely even knows her, and still he defends her, still he declares how he wants to help, and he says it all without an ounce of doubt, without any hesitation. It has something suspiciously like hope threatening to bloom and take root within her, tying like a golden thread tighter around her heart and flooding warmth through her veins. Nesta tries to swallow hard around the feeling, around the way it thrums and purrs.

She realizes too late that it’s actually her stupid khui thrumming, realizes too late that the sound gives away the way she’s practically pressed up against the privacy screen and obviously eavesdropping. She scrambles away and to the other side of the cave, knocking her elbow back against the stone wall in her haste. She slumps down to the floor, curling her knees up tight to her chest as if smothering her khui will make it shut up.

“Do not worry,” Cassian’s voice startles her, and she snaps her head toward the cave entrance just in time to watch him slide the privacy screen back into place behind him. “I have made Azriel swear not to tell anyone about our resonance.”

“Thanks,” Nesta mutters; although her khui starts singing anew. Whether touched by the gesture or in protest, she’s not sure.

“But Rhys and Feyre have demanded we return right to the main cave when we are finished at the Elder Cave.”

“Okay…”

Cassian opens his mouth as though he intends to say something more, an emotion passing across his expression that Nesta can’t quite pinpoint, but he seems to think better of it. With a shake of his head, he settles near what remains of the fire, placing the quill-beast in his hand down in front of him. He tugs a knife free from his belt, skinning the small animal with practiced ease and slicing the meat.

“I’m not hungry,” Nesta tells him when he places a few pieces on the meat atop the embers to cook.

Cassian’s grip on his knife tightens, a muscle in his jaw ticking. “I do not believe you. You need to eat, Nes.”

“You said we would leave at first light for the Elder Cave.”

“I will not escort you until you have eaten something first.”

“Fine,” Nesta snaps, turning to yank her furs close enough that she can begin rolling them up. “I don’t need you anyways. I never asked you to escort me. I’ll go to the Elder Cave by myself.”

“Good luck finding your way,” Cassian drawls.

When Nesta finishes securing her furs to her pack, when she finally turns to look at him again, Cassian is smirking. It’s a challenge if she’s ever seen one. They both know she doesn’t know where she’s going, both know she’d just end up wandering aimlessly through the snow. It has her bristling, has her eyes narrowing as a scowl twists across her face. With a frustrated huff, she tosses her pack to the side.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re annoying?”

Cassian’s smirk morphs into a full blown grin at the retort, and he picks up one of the now cooked pieces of meeting, holding it out in offering. “Not nearly as much as since you have come into my life, but do not worry. I like it.”

Nesta snorts, but she scoots closer to take the meat. “You like when I insult you?”

“I like this game we play. I like the way your eyes blaze. The pink that floods your skin here…”

Cassian’s hand reaches up between them as though to demonstrate exactly where he means, but his fingers just barely brush the skin of Nesta’s cheek before he freezes. Just that single, simple contact has a shiver skating up Nesta’s spine, has her breath hitching in her lungs. She can’t tear her gaze away from his, from the way his glowing eyes seem to bore straight through her. She swears she can feel the energy crackling in the space between them, just as surely as she can hear both their khuis singing away.

But Cassian seems to jolt back to himself, clearing his throat awkwardly and dropping his hand back down to his side. He turns his attention away from Nesta, focusing back on cutting the rest of the quill-beast meat up and popping the pieces into his mouth. Nesta nibbles on her own piece of cooked meat, trying to will her still thundering heart to calm.

“That sort of makes you a creep, you know,” Nesta finally comments. “Noticing all that. It’s almost like you admitting to watching me all the time.”

The comment draws a soft laugh from Cassian, and he offers her a sidelong smirk. “I cannot be blamed for always wanting to watch you. You are the most beautiful female I have ever seen.”

“Wow,” Nesta drawls sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “Does that line work on all the females you’re interested in?”

“The only female I am interested in is you.”

The words have Nesta swallowing hard and she tosses her last remaining bite into the fire. “I’ve eaten now. Are we going to the Elder Cave or not?”

Any good natured teasing between them, any hint of returning to the way things were before their resonance, it crashes around Nesta in the blink of an eye. Cassian’s smirk falls away, his entire expression hardening again. He shoves his knife back into his belt with enough force that she winces, but he pushes to his feet and begins to move about the cave, using snow to put out the embers of the fire and grabbing his and her packs.

Nesta can do nothing but pull back on her cloak and boots, can do nothing but follow him back out into the snow and biting wind. The two suns shine high above in the sky, but with their small size and pale light, they provide almost no relief against the cold, and Nesta wraps her arms tight around herself, just barely holding off a shiver. If Cassian notices, he doesn’t say anything. He shoulders both of their packs, letting out a sound somewhere between a grunt and a grumble, and then they’re off.

If Nesta thought that their trek the night before was terrible, it’s nothing compared to the rest of the journey. They hike in silence, Nesta trudging through the snow just behind Cassian. By the time the Elder Cave comes into view, Nesta has never been more happy to see that stupid spaceship, her chest heaving from the steady exertion. Cassian pauses just outside the large, main door and ramp that acts as the entrance, his shoulder tensing for a moment before he lets out a breath.

“I will wait out here for you,” Cassian offers, not even meeting Nesta’s gaze. “I am sure you do not wish for our khuis to give away our resonance.”

“Good idea,” Nesta murmurs quietly.

Nesta offers Cassian one last look, but the sa-khui male keeps his gaze firmly on the line of trees around them, his arms crossed over his chest. With a soft sigh, she walks up the ramp and steps inside the large main room of the spaceship. She finds just Jurian sitting around the fire, skinning what appears to be a hopper. He looks up when Nesta enters, but doesn’t say anything. There’s always been a strange, almost unsettling, wildness to Jurian, especially since he spent so little time with the main tribe. It has Nesta keeping her distance rather than stepping closer.

“Is Vassa here?” Nesta asks, refusing to back down from the way Jurian’s eyes narrow, the sa-khui male still slow to trust anyone outside his mate.

Jurian still doesn’t say anything, but he lets out a quiet grunt and turns his eyes toward the door that leads deeper into the spaceship. The meaning is clear enough. With a quiet thanks, Nesta heads through the doorway and into the winding hallways. She steps around holes in the floor, making sure to give a wide berth to any crumbling walls and crushed doors, and follows what sounds suspiciously like someone singing a Taylor Swift song.

When she turns around another corner, Nesta finally locates Vassa, the redhead toying with the wires of some sort of panel in the wall. Vassa pauses what she’s doing when she hears Nesta, but her friendly smiling of greeting morphs into a confused frown when she glances over Nesta’s shoulder and finds the rest of the hall empty.

“Nesta? What are you doing here? Did a whole group come?”

“Just me,” Nesta explains, raising her chin and straightening her spine. “I came to use the medical machine.”

Vassa’s eyes sweep over her, confusion growing. “Medical machine? For what?”

“That’s none of your business. I just need to use it, okay?”

“Well, if it was working, which it isn’t, I would need to program it to do what you need.”

The world seems to stop spinning beneath Nesta’s feet, everything crashing down around her as she swallows hard. “The medical machine isn’t working?”

“It started smoking the last time I tried turning it on, so definitely wouldn’t recommend climbing in there,” Vassa explains with a shrug. “I might be able to fix it, but it’s probably going to take awhile since I don’t exactly have a manual handy, so if you need something super urgently? Not happening.”

Nesta lets out a quiet, defeated scoff, closing her eyes and tilting her head up toward the sky. This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening to her. She’s not sure what sort of grievances she must have committed in another life, why the Mother has apparently seen fit to issue this sort of punishment, but it’s clear the gods are laughing at her now. Bile starts to claw its way up her throat, and she swallows hard around it, shoves down the panic threatening to well up in her chest. With trembling fingers, she pulls out the IUD from the small pocket in her clothes.

“Is that…” Vassa starts, leaning closer to see. She glances up at Nesta’s face, as if looking for confirmation, before letting out a bright laugh. “Come on. Your periods can’t be that bad that you need an IUD still. Our khuis help with that now. Besides, that was probably keeping you from resonating. Now you can have a hunky alien husband like Jurian.”

“So what?” Nesta snaps, her temper beginning to flare at this turn of events. “You won’t help me then?”

Vassa sighs, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. “I can try and fix the medical machine, but just know that it probably won’t make much of a difference. Our khuis are living organisms, remember? Now that it knows how to push your IUD out, it will just do it faster the next time.”

Nesta hates that she’s right. Hates that it’s a fact she’s been pointedly ignoring since she first realized what had happened back at the main cave. A fact she’s been running from since she resonated with Cassian. But there’s no more running, no more denying, and there’s certainly no reversing it.

Vassa keeps speaking, her lips moving as she says something else, but Nesta doesn’t hear a word of it. She doesn’t hear anything over the ringing that takes up home in her ears, over the rushing and pounding of her blood. She clenches her hands into fists, her nails biting into the skin of her palm, but it does little to help ground her. Already, she can feel herself spiraling, falling down beneath the crushing waves until it hurts to breathe, until she’s sure that she’s going to drown and no one will hear her scream.

It’s like an out of body experience, like being on the outside looking in, as numbly, Nesta turns on her heel. As she walks back through the winding halls of the spaceship. As she walks out through the entrance and into the sun and the snow beyond. As she walks and walks and walks. She doesn’t know where she’s going, where she will go, but Nesta knows one thing with absolute certainty.

She needs to get out.

—

Updated Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed): @moodymelanist @nesquik-arccheron @sv0430 @talkfantasytome @bookstantrash @eirini-thaleia @ubigaia @fromthelibraryofemilyj @luivagr-blog @lifeisntafantasy @superspiritfestival @hiimheresworld @marigold-morelli @sweet-pea1 @emeriethevalkyriegirl @pyxxie @dustjacketmusings @hallway5 @dongjunma @glowing-stick-generation @melonsfantasyworld @isterofimias @goddess-aelin @melphss @theladystardust @a-trifling-matter @blueunoias @kookskoocie @wolfnesta @blurredlamplight @hereforthenessian @skaixo @jmoonjones @burningsnowleopard @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk @ofduskanddreams @rarephloxes @thelovelymadone @books-books-books4ever @tenaciousdiplomatloverprune @that-little-red-head @readergalaxy @thesnugglingduck

[happyk44]

For the character ask- Jason Grace and Jason Todd 💌

Jason Grace

1: three facts about them from my personal headcanons:

Jason suffers from severe depersonalization and emotional disconnect/amnesia

He has chronic pain that he does not treat and ignores because he's had it so long it's become normal to him

He knows ASL

2: a reason they suck

He was not fleshed out as well as other characters - he doesn't really have a backstory and we never see him refer to his past the way the others do, even after TLH when his memories should've come back in full

3: a reason they are great

He's sees the best in people

3: a reason I relate to them 

I was definitely that kid in school was seen as a flawless overachiever

4. (what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character

Lol, I don't write it very much, but my preference is 100% valgrace

5. five things that never happened to that character that I believe should have happened

His arc finalized with him realizing that he wants to learn how to be his own person. He does not go back to Camp Jupiter, but he also doesn't stay at Camp Half-Blood - he just leaves to go on his own journey

He and Leo confess their feelings because, look I love aroace Leo, but also I love gay Leo who falls in love with Jason and they get married and are happy together forever and ever

I also!! Really love the idea of Jason disabling Leo as a parallel to Hera disabling Hephaestus after she threw him off Olympus. There are two options I like: 1) it happens near the end of the book, Jason blasts Leo's arm off by accident in the middle of the battle, Hera is freed and patches him up before he bleeds to death, or 2) it happens during the fight with Circe. Jason pins Leo with heavy air pressure and readies to kill him - but killing Leo goes against his base morals and as a child of Jupiter, he is bound to little else but his morals and the rule of law. So the disconnect between that and with what he's being told to do temporarily frees him of Circe's influence and he's able to deviate and severe Leo's arm off instead. Afterwards, he and Leo use a combo of fire and lightning to cauterize the wound.

I would've loved to see Jason embrace or be more of a representative of Jupiter/Zeus's law and order side of things, the way Hazel and Nico showed the two aspects of Pluto/Hades. Since the Greeks appear to be more within the realm of nature and Thalia is shown using lightning frequently, it would've been cool to have scenes showing Jason using skills outside of lightning and wind. Manipulative Jason who can turn enemies on each other, diplomatic Jason who can convince people to help him so easily. Jason being able to enforce order and calm to a chaotic situation, Jason being able to force his rules, his beliefs, his laws on people. That would've been so much fun - and also a fun way to repel him against the other characters, like Percy, who may be put off by his ability to override someone's free will

Also bloodthirsty wolf boy Jason!! Like yes I get that he wasn't at the Wolf House for that long but who cares? Give me vicious Jason who is protective of his pack, give me starving Jason who rips the flesh from your throat and swallows it whole

6. five people that character never fell in love with and why

I don't understand this question tbh - is it like. who did they fall in love with in canon but I don't think they should have, or who I think they should've fallen in love with, or what.

---

Jason Todd

1: three facts about them from my personal headcanons

His white spot is due to vitilgo. Going through the pit just kind of triggered the gene, sort the same way getting a cold or the flu or severe stress can

He helped take care of Damian as a kid - I think this is canon in one of the animated series, or at least like, implied canon, but unsure about the greater comic network. As Talia was helping him recover and whatnot from the pit, he helped train Damian. He has conflicted feelings about this now, but he remains a safe space for Damian to disappear to whenever he fights with Bruce. Dick may be Dami's big bro now, but Jason was his big bro first.

Autopsy scar! I just like the idea.

2: a reason they suck

He hasn't ripped the Joker's head off yet :( Like I understand why - it has to be Bruce who kills him, it wouldn't be as comforting or satisfying and it wouldn't mean much, but like whatever, someone kill this fucking clown, I hate him

But, nah, on a serious level, I think Jason is a good character. I don't really have anything on why he's bad, other than maybe poor writing? I don't read his comics much tbh

3: a reason they are great

Shoots things and pisses off Bruce

4: a reason I relate to them

I also was an angry little nerd when I was young

5: (what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character

I don't really ship Jason very much, but jaydami would be my go-to because Damian is my favourite. Otherwise, I would recommend either jayroy or jaydick. Or brujay, but only because of the angst potential. I don't really care for Bruce past that, lol. Maybe brujaydick if that's a thing. Little wing getting smushed between people he opposes but also loves a lot. That's hot.

6: five things that never happened to that character that I believe should have happened

I don't have a lot of thoughts on Jason because I priortize Damian and also don't read a lot of comics (so Jason and others get left out because I prefer to read the ones with Damian. Or Duke. Or Dick. The DDD trio lol), but I do get kept up to date by my friends who do love Jason. I'm not sure what never happened to him that I would've wanted to happen to him other than like. Him not dying.

Actually, I do kind of wish they would give Jason his own team. Like I know JayRoy is popular and everyone liked the teamups with Starfire, but I like the idea of each robin sort of having their own little group - like Damian with Jon, Maya, and sometimes Suren, or Tim w/ Kon and the others whose names I don't remember, Bart, Cassie and someone else I think? And then Dick w/ the OG titans. I do get the sibling experience of being friends with your older sibling's friends because they're around all the time and you don't have anyone

I know he had Bizarro and Artemis at one point as a group? I don't know if they sort of "belonged" to anyone else first, but if they didn't, then yeah bring 'em back. Let Jason have his own people to connect with.

Also I want him to beat up Bruce and win. Just for funsies. Doesn't even have to be about anything. Just smack him around.

7: five people that character never fell in love with and why

Right so. Yeah I still don't get this question. 😂 Sorry.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

delete this if you're uninterested in this i just need to spill the beans to someone. anyhow. hi im a trans man and as much as i lovw to see trans man steve for the feels i had the thought of trans woman steve today.

why have i never thought of this before?

im new to this fandom so many i havent seen it yet but i also love angst with all my heart so maybe i want the angst of steve being transformed as she is in canon and being extra dysphoric before realizing she can be the muscle mommy she was always destined to be be the change

angst aside i wonder when trans steve of any variety woman man nonbinary whatever has her moment of realization

I may not be taking writing requests right now, but I'm never uninterested in ideas. I really like this idea! Ever since I entered the fandom for Captain America, I've always thought a trans narrative fits Steve really well--being trans and/or being queer, there's, just, so much about his story that lends itself so well to being a social outsider and other in a way that parallels queerness.

Further, I mean, come on, on the topic of being LGBTQ+... *squints eyes a literally every detail of Steve and Bucky's entwined story*

I think I've seen some, some trans nonbinary Steve art floating around and I know I have seen art and fics of trans man Steve (none of which I can locate right now, thank you Tumblr search 'function') but I can't recall seeing anything for trans woman Steve. Either way, I'm sure you're not the only one who's had the thought, great minds do think alike!

And maybe it's how "One of Your Girls" by Troye Sivan came on shuffle earlier--which, obviously that song is not the same as being trans, it's about Troye's gay longing for a straight playboy guy and pretending or persuading drag him just to try men, even if it hurts Troye, but follow me here, I swear it's relevant--which now has me considering that maybe Steve (Steph perhaps? I've seen Stephanie floating around for various versions of femme Steve, whether she be cis or trans), she has the first breakthrough moments of realization through what she believes to be at that time as gay yearning for Bucky?

She has this private moment where she's so fucking jealous of Bucky's girls, how they can be together in public, how Bucky touches and moves them, how Bucky looks at them, how Bucky and whichever girl he's with now look together, how the girls sound, how Bucky talks to girls, how Bucky talks about girls, how, how--how?

How can Steve get some of that? What even is that?

But, then, with that line of thinking, I got caught up in my own political thoughts and historical context--her political and moral thoughts, too, based on what we know of Steve's canon moral compass.

Maybe at first she just tells herself--trying to self sooth and not have the terrifying realization of opening up another part of her identity that could be weaponized against her--that as a skinny, short, disabled person, it might be easier as a woman. She has her Ma as a wonderful example of strength in womanhood, after all. Plus, at least, if she were a woman and skinny and just as frail looking, she'd be considered pretty rather than scrawny and useless. But, denial aside, she quickly shakes that out of herself--if she were born a woman, with her luck and genetics, its probable she'd be just as disabled and probably unable to get pregnant so, just, as ridiculed and bullied with just less rights and still many opportunities to be cut down by men, just in a different way then men bullying an unmasculine figure.

I think I've discussed something with femme Steve, as Stephanie on this blog about the transformation and her body as relates to feeling less feminine with more muscles, but, again, I can't find it. (Edit: I found it! Right here!) And it would be super interesting to have it either way.

(A) I can see the angst and deep dysphoria that would ensue with the transformation happening as it does in canon. Then, there could be some silver lining to waking up in the 21st century where she can find things more readily to aid her dysphoria with the internet and more visible trans people, whether it be social or medical.

(B) I can also see the delight and euphoria ensuing from the transformation, giving her the body she wants. You could have angst there, too, I mean, this was the 40s, I am absolutely sure, unfortunately, there would be cruelty in the situation where the people surrounding project rebirth expect someone they assume to be a man to transform into the ideal, masculine, yolked fucking man soldier only to result in a strong, commanding woman soldier to be the result. If Peggy reached out and touched Steve's chest without asking in the original scene, I'm sure the men surrounded a transformed femme Steve would do that and much worse 🙃

P.S. 'Muscle Mommy' immediately had me thinking of these two pieces of fanart by @/kimeido (1) (2)

[milliesnowfall]

NONEWORLD Demo: How Did I Get Here?

..and where are we going?

This is a blog post regarding the development of NONEWORLD and the Chapter 1 Demo. You can download it for free on Itch.io!

It's only been about a week since the release of NONEWORLD Chapter 1 -- and the end of an incredibly stressful period of my life. In retrospect, I can break down what I learned, how we got here, and where we're headed.

Consider this blog post a scattershot of lingering thoughts and developmental insights. I like documenting my current mindset because it would surely be lost to time otherwise.

So, let's start from the very beginning.

Becoming Praxis.

NONEWORLD has been in development since August 2023. Originally titled "The Satellites Will Fall", I quickly dropped the name after a week and went with the far more appropriate "NONEWORLD" - which I shamelessly took (with permission) from Black Dresses' 1/2: Devi McCallion's song 'Noneworld', on the project titled "2" by Mom.

PS. thanks for letting me steal the name Devi ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

The development of Chapter 1 has been a long and continuous journey, but the core fundamentals have stayed the same:

The Princess starts in a destroyed kingdom, before going into a bright parallel world - only to exit through a Portal for a pseudo flashback sequence set within a Farm Town. Oh, and you meet a Blue version of yourself. That too.

The Home Town and Farm sections alone almost took me the entirety of 2024 to get right. I felt there was a lack of engagement and severe pacing issues. There was no "hook".

Seen here: early Chapter 1 prototype, sometime in late 2023.

Captain Mayday was originally going to be introduced right at the tail end of Chapter 1, leading into the introduction of the Hubworld -- but that created a few issues: mainly that the game was boring without someone or something to shake up the status quo.

As a result, I made the decision to move Mayday to the forefront. I was motivated by my desire to get her in front of the audience as quickly as possible. She's fun, quirky, and really blows open the "what if?" in regards to the potential of NONEWORLD's story.

Mayday is also the most narratively intriguing because, like most things around Princess Quartz, she is utterly ridiculous.

A blue Star-powered girl with an egomaniacal mentality and a knack for punching stuff; who also somehow knows what's happening in the story.

..or maybe she's just as clueless as everyone else, simply marching towards an inevitable end. But that's for you to figure out. Her nonsensical personality makes her engaging for the player and an incredibly fun character for me to write.

But of course, many other things changed too -- iteration is the name of the game.

There was a second bridge-building segment that was cut pretty late into development, with fewer areas to explore and an overall smaller scope. There wasn't a second Quartz Guard encounter originally either. Even the fishing mini-game was a last-minute addition inspired by WEBFISHING.

Seen here: me and my friend Elle web fishing for a big guy.

All the little things count, more than you could ever fully realize in the moment. I think it's super important to trust your instincts in game development because only you can truly know what's best for your game.

As I'm heading into production of Chapter 2, I've tried my best to keep that in mind - and sometimes, it can take a while for things to click into place. But when it does, that feeling of relief and satisfaction is magical.

How Did We Get Here..?

It's sometime in January. I have for some reason spontaneously decided that I'm going to release a public demo of NONEWORLD on the 22nd.

Why? Because I thought It'd be a good experiment to see the public's reaction to NONEWORLD.

Those two weeks were stressful and quite utterly ridiculous, but the last few days were especially the worst: waking up at 9 am, hitting several energy drinks, and cracking away at a sheet of bugs and to-do's until 2 am -- only surviving off microwaved frozen meals and the leftovers from yesterday.

My mental and physical health suffered under the stress; but that's the reality of making games, especially as an independent working under a self-imposed deadline. It takes the type of manic caffeine-fueled creative dedication that could kill someone to achieve such an ambitious goal.

The reality of forking a build for a demo is that it's a ton of work.

Polish, art pass, optimization, and removing anything that shouldn't be shipped. Suddenly everything you thought was passable is now under intense scrutiny.

The bugs and issues you initially overlooked begin standing out like car headlights and they are seemingly endless.

God forbid you remove a .map file you weren't supposed to, I certainly did that a few times. There's still some stuff left over in the demo build that shouldn't be there, but I don't think anyone is currently dedicated enough to crack open the data and go looking.

Thankfully I've had my amazing girlfriend by my side to reduce a lot of that stress. I have a tendency to get immersed in my work, so it's lovely to have someone bring me somewhere else - whether it's a dinner date, a cathedral orchestra, or more.

Even though I'm pretty terrible at work-life balance, I think it's really important for all creatives - indie or otherwise, to have a healthy balance between their work and personal lives. It's not easy.

A Black Letter Day...

First off. Not many people actually downloaded or played the demo, I'm talking low double digits. But that's OK.

I know the reality of being indie is being unseen and unheard for a long time. Still, I appreciate the few who took the time out of their day to play through it. I'm not going to sit here and say I expected anything else, because I didn't.

However, the few direct responses I did get were awesome! And as stressful as that entire day was, being able to watch the folks in my Discord community play through the demo was super rewarding! Specifically my friend Lavender, who after a lengthy playtest gave direct feedback of "Add Impact font" and "Lesbians 10/10".

There was also this incredible write-up by user Canned Potato in my Discord, which is so beautifully written; that I just had to share with permission.

"The demo was a lot of fun to play through, there were lots of different places to see and I enjoyed seeing what differences they all have. Overworld exploration was very enjoyable, I don't feel like I am moving too slow or too fast, and there are lots of interactable things to get me curious about the world I am seeing, I hope that I will get to visit some places again to understand more, especially the first zone. And messing around with placed things, even if they aren't important, was something I found myself doing just because I like hearing the sounds they make. (stepping on mushrooms simulator) I would have liked to see more side-happenings like the fishing mechanic (every good game has fishing) but it makes sense that it might be dialed back for the opening sections. I am just happy with my ability to stop and smell the roses while on my way.

I did not really grasp the ideas behind the combat system, sadly I just ended up attacking things over and over and that worked. When I tried anything else the results felt lacking so I just stuck with that instead. There were only two battles (that I ran into) on my playthrough of the demo, so more understanding of the systems may come with time. I barely feel like I did any serious fights, which are usually the ones where I have to wake myself up and figure out how to fight good, it felt a bit odd that the demo did not have anything like that to wrap it up. I don't know if I can give any feedback about how the combat is, it feels like reviewing a play based on the first scene.

Interacting with the mirrors and being sent into a kind of similar area to where you were is an idea that I like thinking about, I can imagine some really interesting puzzles that could be made out of it. The characters are all very fun to read, they all have distinctive ways of speaking which makes them feel character-ey, in a good way. Fun game, excited to see more!!" -Canned Potato, 1/22/2025

His feedback is similar to many of the notes and criticism I've gotten from private playtesting over the last year, which is both comforting and concerning.

More specifically, the notes about the combat system. I've gotten a lot of mixed feedback around the battle system: either that it's overly complicated, or too difficult to understand.

Control Alternate Delete;

Seen here: the current iteration of the battle screen in Chapter 1.

My main approach to combat has always been that the player should be thrown into the deep end and allowed to learn at their own pace, even if it means dying a few times -- actually experiencing the combat means you'll have an authentic path to learning it; as opposed to being told what to do, when to do it, and why.

And the best part? If you disagree with that sentiment, then you can always avoid the battles themselves; either by dodging the Quartz Guards or by using the Forfeit ability with Princess Quartz.

This is actually what inspired me to implement the Autosave mechanic, as it allows for an effective safety net -- in the scenario the player forgot to save before a battle. I've also experimented with a tutorial screen specifically for the battle system, but it felt too "gamey" and meta. It didn't effectively communicate how to play.

Despite those previous failures, I still have a few ideas for lowering the barrier to entry, and overall improving the battle experience. This includes a "tip" system that explains what an action does as you're hovering over it: but I'm yet to begin prototyping this. (keyword: yet!)

And even though battles are entirely optional, the mechanics are inherited by many other core systems in the game. This includes items, player resources and more. Fine-tuning the balance is difficult because there's a domino effect with other features in the game.

The battle system has to be better than "acceptable". It needs to be amazing.

Fine-tuning the battle system is going to be the hardest part of developing NONEWORLD, as it's an incredibly important global system. I'm listening closely to feedback, exploring options and hoping to continue iterating as I continue development on Chapter 2.

In Loving Memory.

As I near the end of this blog post, I wanted to add that NONEWORLD is dedicated to my dear grasshopper Mother.

Seen here: Mother resting on her enclosure in the morning sunlight.

She passed away last year, which was absolutely devastating for me. I cried non-stop for days. In a way, she's been closer to NONEWORLD as a project than anyone else.

Everyday I'd wake up, play with her and feed her, as she climbed around my desk while the day's work commenced. I've never felt such an intimate connection with an insect, even as someone who works around them regularly due to my interest in entomology; she was more than tame.

You could've convinced me she was borderline domesticated.

There wasn't a single day where I didn't tell Mother goodnight before bed. Every night, she'd walk on my hands and face, stare into my eyes with a tilted head while moving her long antenna around. She was a wonderful pet to have and I hope she felt the same about me.

I had her for roughly a year. I still miss her.

The Overgrown Path.

And here we are! Wooo! If you've read this far, no you haven't.

Okay, maybe you have.

That's a wrap on this blog post for now. But before I go, I'm gonna leave you with an exclusive sneak peek at what's to come!

Seen here: early version of a location in Chapter 2, the Swamplands.

The next Chapter of NONEWORLD will see our protagonists in a strange new land; a swampy jungle, forgotten caves and an ancient temple -- plus, the introduction of a brand new party member!

I'm also seeking financial support from an investor or publishing partner in the background, but whether or not that'll come to fruition is anyone's guess. Getting a project off the ground is really difficult, especially for NONEWORLD; it's not the type of game that publishers generally aim for. As a result, I'm keeping my expectations low.

But that's for the future.

You can follow me on Bluesky to stay updated on all the latest, or alternatively, join my Discord community!

Thank you for reading. -M