#how is it fucking thursday 😭😭😭😭
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#i’m tireddd i hate thursday#how is it fucking thursday 😭😭😭😭#this is mostly .. me not having enough sleep probably lmfao#but ;-;#i just djdbfdjrjdbdbdhejej why is there always so much going on#why am i behind on this project even tho i didn’t feel like i started that late 😭😭😭#was abt to skip this class to stay in office hours long ass queue but 1 i got off the queue and actually got helped#and 2 i think if i start skipping classes and have to keep up w lectures on my own time i would cry lol#it just helps for me :\ but also#there were two office hours queues one in person and one virtual#i joined the in person one at like 12:30 at like position 30 or sm lmfao there were hella ppl#there were also several instructors but i’m annoyed bc i joined the virtual queue when it opened and#ended up getting help on that one first#but i got off the other queue like while in the call w the instructor#which was just a lil annoying bc i’d been there for a couple hours lmfao#but also bc there are other virtual office hours tonight but bc i was alr helped on the virtual queue today i won’t be able to get#on that one in a position that means i have any chance of getting g helped lol#it’s all pretty minor and dumb stuff i’m just tired and want to complain abt it lmao 😭#thursday is just so back to back nonstop lowkey and i’m 🫠 but it’s fineee#glowstick club practice later and it’s part of the back to back nonstop-ness but it’s at least fun part 😭#anndbdbdhehdbfjdjdhhdhdjdjfbfbhrjegfhdhd#jeanne talks#also glowstick club is slightly stressful rn bc i keep thinking abt next yr and elections#and there’s just a lot there too but i need to stop stressing abt it while i have this project especially lmfao
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First day back at the university and I still suck at this exactly as much as I did 4 years ago
#i wish doing something over and over actually made it easier from then on#how come i've done this so many times and i'm still as horrified by the prospect of group projects and exams and all as in the very start#can they invent a higher education that doesn't require you to prepare a group project for every damn subject that exists#can they also invent an intercating with people#in a way that doesn't leave me feeling like the only person on earth who somehow doesn't get it#how do people just start talking and becoming friends :( it's literally impossible for me#it's such a mystery. how the hell do they all do this. what's your fucking secret !!!!!!!!!#not that i expected to become friends with anyone in one day#but one day was already enough for me to start feeling as alienated and othered from everyone else as i've always felt#like god it's always the same damn thing. each year i hope it'll be different and it's still the fucking same#i try to appear nice and approachable and chime in to the conversation whenever i can (just like i've been doing for the past 4 years)#but i guess there must just be something deeply wrong with me that makes everyone avoid me in the end anyway#am i really that unfriendable. can anyone tell me what i'm doing wrong#and why no one is interested in holding a conversation with me for more than 5 minutes in total#it's literally back to the same thing that i've done over and over before and i truly don't see any point in any of this anymore#it's just so ridiculous 😭😭😭 why do i even keep trying at this point#back to school so back to crying alone in my room every evening i guess#how beautiful how poetic. i almost forgot this was the daily standard for the entire past year#never getting out of this ok i get it :))#friendship was meant to be for everyone but me i get it now!!!#worst year ever everything bad is happening. going to my first funeral on thursday i'm definitely going to take that well hahaha#it's been only a day and i'm already so done. ok.#i'm freaking out man what am i even supposed to be doing anymore. it's all pointless
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2 days till my final exam rant in tags sorry i gotta let it spill somewhere 😭
#IM DYINGGGG#there are so many things to memorise#and theyre gonna pick 2 questions from a list of 60?????#and my whole degree relies on this?????#im sorry who the hell thought of this system#id MUCH rather write a 2h long exam than have to orally answer questions for 10mins fr#and if i get a topic i dont fully understand that’s it. it’s over for me#bc u have to answer both to pass#they should at least let us pick 2 out of 3 or something 😭#i also hate my procrastinating ass#i shoulda been doing 15qs a day and ive been doing between 1 and 5#and now i have 50 questions (so probably around 70A4 pages) to memorise by THURSDAY AT 9AM#i swear to god why do i always do this#also turns out that for the thesis presentation it’s forbidden to use notes 😀#I AM NOT GOOD AT SPEAKING I AM NOT GOOD AT THIBKING MY MEMORY SUCKS HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PASS THIS#im so fucking anxious#but funniest thing is IM STILL ACTIVELY PROCRASTINATING#LIKE??? ISNT THE PRESSURE ENOUGH YET??????#i fucking KNOW for a FACT even if i started studying RIGHT NOW i probably wont make it with all the questions by the exam date#and i skipped ALL THE HARDEST ONES FOR NOW#i swear to god guys im gonna go fucking crazy with this#i know it’s nearly over but it’s KILLING MEEEEE#please why cant i skip time to when it’s over#help me manifest not getting a finance/law question pls guys#hela yaps
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I've got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. mostly to discuss if the new sleep medication is working. it is.. not? I don't know. it sorta makes me stay asleep better but tbh that only really means it's even more impossible to wake up when I need to.
idk at this point I'm getting close to just saying you know what? thank you for trying to help, mr. nice old psychiatrist guy, but let's just give up! who needs sleep anyway (me, like 12-16 hours a day). I'm just not gonna do it anymore! that sounds more doable than ever figuring out how to sleep normally!!
#literally like. everything is kinda fucked up and everything hurts a lot of the time and everything just feels wrong in my stupid body#but not being able to sleep and also being tired all of the time and sleeping so much is so so so shitty#like I can't fall asleep when I want to and I can't stay awake when I need to#it fucking sucks#also my so called sleep schedule ALWAYS goes back to sleeping at like 5 or 6 am no matter how much I try to go to bed earlier#it never ever lasts#also it's really funny (haha sooooo hilarious) when people talk about sleep hygiene. as if it actually does/changes anything?? apparently it#does for normal people??#literally nothing ever helps (at least not more than a few random unpredictable times)#also. the toddler upstairs has been crying every morning starting around 5am. for an hour.#which is juuust perfect for helping me sleep. 😭😭😭 but anyway I've got Thursday Murder Club to listen to. and also my husband snoring in#his room next to mine lol. this feels like some kind of really mean joke 🙃#ALSO also. I have to get up in 3 hours for the appointment........ every damn time I'm like oof this is bad I need to get a later#appointment next time! and then I immediately forget.#personal
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I'm literally itching to draw something for arcane s2 but I'm completely buried under university stuff, man I wish we had 14 days a week 😭
#I have two translations due tomorrow#one due Thursday#and a very big lit translation project by the end of next week#I'm also helping my little brother with a biiiig project like a conference speech!!!#which is a very good thing btw like rn that's my number one priority I'm so so fucking proud of them aaaaa#but yeah with everything going on now I don't think I can squeeze in some art for a week or so#it's alright the ideas and motivation will wait for me!! (self reassurance)#shrews ramblings#I will now be rambling about arcane s2 a bit so don't read further if you wanna avoid spoilers#there's so much to unpack what the hell 😭😭😭#I'm holding the caitvi kiss scene sososo close to my heart <3#ignoring the breakup that happened in the same episode fhskdhjshdjdh#also cult leader Viktor yay??#I have so many thoughts on that one#the fact that unlike in league here he didn't do that to himself#it was Jayce#fucks me up so bad#especially with the 'I should've died'#I cannot take this guys#can we just talk abt how Mel is the only one person there still mostly stable and clear minded set on good goals?#and she got kidnapped?#we're so cooked#I'm obsessed with the soundtrack btw#heavy is the crown lives in my head rent-free#anyway#if I do sketch some stuff be prepared for it hehe
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halfway thru my first drivers ed session. idk if i can do this aftually lol
#purrs#there’s like 30+ ppl in the class and most of them are high schoolers who already have like at least 20-30 hrs and i have 3. also the#instructor is really nice and means well but she is also a little clueless and she embarrassed me in front of everyone (or maybe i#embarrassed myself) bc she had us all introduce ourselves and say what we like to do and i said play video games and she was like oh are you#a bit of a gamer 👀 have you been to any of those conventions. LIKE 💀😭 NO I JUST PLAY SILLY LITTLE PET GAMES…..#but ajyways um. i don’t have enough driving experience to start behind the wheel lessons yet 💀💀💀💀💀 and we r watching videos rn and it’s so s#scary like istill have such trouble even maneuvering the car around how am isupposed to develop situational awareness and be driving on high#hihways and shit. this is so overwhelming. it’s like ‘every moment ur behind the wheel u and the ppl around u are at risk’ well idont want t#to be at risk or risk others lives. but also i need to move out. help 💔💖#anyways this class has INSANELY long breaks (like 15+ mins thank god) and we might be able to end early every day too so. fingers crossed it#wont be that bad and i’ll actually retain stuff and learn to drive fucking finally. but im so scared#also on thursday we are watching a video depicting a graphic c*r cr*sh so. that’s just fucking great#drivers ed tag
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weekly dunmesh ep post here to say that as one of the eps that didn't follow their usual formula I loved this one to bits 😭 pacing felt just right, didn't feel that rushed to me (tho maybe that's bc I kept goin back to watch more details lol) and the canaries and yaads voices in sub are all really really good
#i fucking loved pattadols voice WAHHH and i love how shes draw in the anime.. perfect girl#i think the only voices that didnt immediately click w me were otta and cithis'. they felt too high-pitched or too soft spoken respectively#but i think i can get used to them#also toshiro looking sm better w just a simple shave is getting to me.. his interactions w namar tickle me good..#the egg convo back to touden party had me go 'oh no' but then i realized we werent at that part of the anime yet BUT STILL. WDYM WE'RE#ALREADY AT THE GOLDEN CITY!!! THAAT FELT LIKE IT TOOK LONER. WHEN I READ THE MANGA!!!#i cant talk about everything i loved about this ep but shout out to senshi when he was doing you know exactly what im talkin about.#if i were a gay maan i think my reaction to that wouldve been marcille spitting her food out#PEAK MARCILLE EXPRESSIONS THIS EP BTW. CUTE CATGIRL IZU. LAOIS FREAK MINOTAUR EXCITEMENT. KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF CHUCKLEFUCK#the short impromptu 'pillow fight'#ahhh i just love them so much#but also its goin so fast 😭😭😭 don want my dunmesh thursday to eend so soon wahhh crazy that theyve been herefor almot half a year#i speaku#ALMOST FORGOT BUT PATTIES LIL FAIRY 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥺🥺🥺🥺 so cute that it makes u forget that its made out of [redacted]
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day three of stretches and i almost stuck my foot behind my head 😍
#‘day 3? but you made that post last thursday-‘ I may have missed a couple days okay 😭#the fact my flexibility is coming back so quickly is so exciting though!!#like I was doing a normal stretch and again maybe bc of the fucked up hip thingie ive always found butterfly stretches super easy#like knees to the floor each time (when me and my sister were both doing dance we used to stand on each others knees for this lol)#and so I was very zoned out like lifted my foot out of that stretch to touch it to my head#and there was NO pull so I was like 🤨🤨 how far back is she bout to go rn#and it KEPT GOING AND I ALMOST LODGED MY FOOT BEHIND MY HEAD#BC IM NOT QUITE AT A LEVEL TO KEEP IT THERE#the panic I felt holy FUCK#but yeah this was such a shout from me I’m having so much fun#hella goes to uni
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I’ve had covid for the last week and I’ve gotta go back to work tomorrow. At the start I joked that I would get so much drawing done, and all I’ve done is this Jasper doing an incorrectly drawn navy salute
#baby’s first covid#the rest of these tags are just gonna be me venting#y’all would not believe how much of a fuck around it was to get my 5 days of isolation#I’ve said this a lot over the last 6 days but you’d think they wouldn’t want someone with covid cleaning an eating area. which is my job#and guess who covered half my shifts? the other worker who tested positive the same day I did#I have such an issue with my new supervisor and how my workplace is run. I’m 🤏 close to quitting (alas#the plan is to get top surgery and then dip)#but yeah. anyway. wish me luck and let’s hope I’m not still contagious (I always wear a mask and sanitise anyway)#if any of the customers or workers ask where I’ve been or why I’m working slow. I’ll be 100% honest and say I’m recovering from covid#‘’yeah I may still be infectious I don’t know‘’#I tried to get Monday/tuesday off on Saturday and was ignored for 27 hours and the answer was ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ill give you a call at 8#didn’t get the call so I called at 8:20 and was like ‘I’m not feeling great’ and the supervisor said she would cover my shift but didn’t#I never got told if I had Monday off. so I assumed I did. then today (Tuesday) got laughed at when I said if no one can cover I’ll go#so I got today off too. but I was asked if I could work Thursday which was the day after I tested positive.#I had Thursday off for my top surgery consultation. which had to get rescheduled. I didn’t even think I had covid 😭 I just wanted to be#responsible and test myself before an appointment. then I had a fever that afternoon. wild ride#anyways. I’m gonna try sleep.
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Idk how welcome home has overrun literally all of my social media but I guess I welcome it
#talkingcore#I love puppets it’s all on me I’m engaging this actually isn’t a complaint more like a I Didn’t Know This Existed 24 hours ago#and now it’s literally all I’m seeing like 80% of the videos I’ve seen today have been welcome home which like honestly is super impressive#hell yeah to those creators they’ve got some insane drive#album adventure update: finally rolled good ol honorary Beach boy Glen Campbell maybe I’ll give you guys ram ranch#pip would’ve loved ram ranch 💔 rip king fly high 🕊️🧍♂️ 18 naked cowboys 😭 at the ram ranch 😰#I’ve been fucking around with lip syncing shit and it’s tedious as hell but heeehee it’s fun woooah the mouth moves wooooahaaahhhhhh#also this dude keeps leaving his Apple Watch in the practice room in my dorm and like thankfully I’m such an amazing and perfect person#that I didn’t take it the first time but the second time (like 2 weeks later) I said fuck it and just used it while it was still in there#(I’d checked at 2. saw it was there. didn’t use it. came back at 5 it was still there so like a reasonable amount of time to get it)#so I fucked around as normal but like I started getting freaked by the possibility of it listening (it probs wasn’t)#so I left but like bro how do you forget it twice why are you taking it off#I gave it to the help desk people which I think was the right thing to do but also Dude think how easily I could’ve stolen it please keep it#no longer dying of the plague but I need to hang onto my t boy swag pleasepleaseplease let me keep at least some lower notes#I will accept not hitting a G2 again but like. a C3? even just a D3 like regularly? please? please? please? hello? you’re nothing#anyway I’m avoiding my work you guys should look up The Beach Boys and Charles Manson have a gander at that for fun#thanks to my lovely institution having a strike going on by mid Thursday I’m done for the week which means I get to indulge and boy shall I#love you 🫶 go slay 🫶 have great vagina 🫶 byeeee
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If someone could just like…. Stab me through the eye that would be great idk
#idk what it is about today but I feel… terrible#not physically just mentally#and not even in a way that’s easy to place I just want to lay in the floor and melt into it#tbh I think it is premature exhaustion and anxiety ABOUT the exhaustion#because tomorrow we have two new apartment tours#and then Thursday (which is my other day off this week) I have that first therapy appointment#so my brain is not classifying either of those days as actual ‘days off’#(and I mean they’re not they will both be extremely draining)#AND THEN one of the store’s big managers insisted on doing the schedule instead of letting our department manager do it#so it’s sooooo fucked up and I won’t have a day off until NEXT Thursday and he scheduled me a bunch of inconsistent morning/evening shifts#so…. I am…. going to have literally no free time for like two weeks straight#no time to decompress no time to do things I think are fun no time to catch up on sleep#and my mom keeps messaging me about getting a new car which yes I need a new car and I WANT a new car and I’m finally in a position to GET#a new car#but she’s like ‘you have to go test drive a bunch of cars to find the one you REALLY want and then we’ll negotiate for it with you’#but I cannot stress enough that I would genuinely rather kill myself than go to a dealer ship and test drive cars by myself#I also just do not give a shit about cars there is never going to be one I ‘love’ because cars are cars I just want one that functions#I don’t CARE which one it is or how it drives or what the fuck ever I will NEVER care#but she keeps insisting I do it and I know they won’t help me go negotiate if I don’t do this first 😭#and I have a dentist appointment for the first time in like three years in a couple weeks and I know I probably have so many cavities#from when I got super depressed for like four months and didn’t brush my teeth at all#and I am just so overwhelmed#new apartment hunting new car shopping new therapist dentist appointment AAAGGGHHHH#I thought it might be a good idea to do it all at once so it’s all over with and I don’t have to have like four month period where it’s just#hopping from one thing to the other#except now I am just exhausted and overwhelmed and grumpy and feel like I can’t handle ANY of it let alone all of it#maybe one of the new apartments will go well tomorrow so at least I can cross that off and budget new rent prices….#ugh#kaz rambles
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cause what the fuck was that.
#today was horrible oh my god#NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO FUCKING LISTENNNNNN#i hate when i’m the only person doing my job and other people get mad at me#also i have FOOD POISONING 😭#also x2 someone apparently pulled a gun out in class at my school on thursday and the admins did nothing#it was deemed a ‘non-issue’ or something like that#that’s a child with a weapon in a neighbourhood where NOBODY needs a weapon#this is just the worst#i need a sweet treat
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im applying to backup jobs and stuff and im realizing i am just. not well. like mentally and also physically
#tongue#i honestly dont know how much longer i can handle like. working for really long shifts#im still so exhausted and sick and i didnt realize that mcd was like#actually killing me#but i feel so fucking pathetic for even considering orher options here#and i need money i dont have a choice#but if i work the same hours at the same place my moms bf works ill literally be working like#ten hours a day#and getting monday and thursday off#and im apprehensive about it entirely bc i cant handle only having one day off at a time anymore 😭#LIKE they gotta be. together. i cant recoup anymore i need that#im not saying i cant recoup without it im saying that i just cant as a general rule#and i feel like a fat lazy piece of shit for even thinking that 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪#srry if this is like unreadable i keep like not taking my meds and im like confusing myself
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Only twelve more hours until i can watch the riverdale finale <3
#this is the only thing keeping me going rn#how the fuck will i get through my future thursday slumps though?? 😭😭
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occasionally i sit there and just have a holy fuck i saw mcr LIVE in 2022 dude moment. i was THERE. i saw and met and talked to so many cool people and heard so many of my favorite songs and went to possibly the worst breakfast joint in north florida and dehydrated myself to impressive levels and somebody drove a HEARSE to the VENUE. dude. i was 17!!!! i got to do that as a teenager! like this band that was so important to so many adults when they were my age, that got them to the place they are now, managed to do the same thing for me years after they broke up and now they're back and i'm experiencing it right alongside the people they saved. also they're just so fucking good live, i don't think i realized how much metal influence they really have esp ray until i heard it in person, the music really sounds completely different in a way you can't capture in recordings. i spent the whole summer leading up to it with their albums keeping me company at my lonely ass internship, watching the tour from afar never thinking id get to go, and then i actually went and saw and participated in it and they've only gotten more important to me since then. just, man, mcr is everything.
#discovered so much new music thanks to them too!!#franks other bands and the misfits and thursday and midtown and homeless gospel choir and-#also got me more into punk history and riot grrrl and metal altho i am. very much a neophyte.#also was so important to me to see so many trans ppl in one place and have gerard wave the flag around#when ive been watching things get worse n worse for trans people#i mean shit dude i already knew i was gonna have to wait till 18 but at least it was my dad and not desantis before 😭#will always remember make room!!! and vampires especially. those songs are so fucking powerful and even more so live#idk the live music in my town is all country and classic rock covers#wanna get into the local music scene in college but until then? never seen live music before and this was so so so special#like what a first concert holy fuck. and everyone was so nice even tho i was some 17 y/o with my mom and no idea how this all worked!!#just. mcr man!!! mcr.
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welp
#final season upon us 😭#first final done big 🤡🤡🤡 is fine lmfao#big clowning over the weekend not studying at all (i had reason on sunday lmao but)#big clowning yesterday not studying (i did have glowstick club things i was doing tho and also socializing bc balance or something lmao 🤪😭)#clowning staying up late last night to study but not very well lmao#clowning not paying that much attention in lectures recently#ugh anyway . this was like a non major related class and in the past i have#elected pass/fail for a few classes that were kinda like that#but i got an A in the classes i did pass fail which was a waste of pass fail 😭#but now i feel like i might not get an a in this class LMAO but like that’s how i felt for the other classes i did pass fail#and then i did get an a so idk snfchdjdjd oh well#i don’t think my gpas surviving this semester unscathed XD looking at my ‘intro’ to probability class i got no fucking clue what’s happening#lmfao thank prof for generous fuckin g curve bc i’ve gotten Bs on the exams that i’ve just fucking BSed my way thru lol#final coming up on monday and i’m 🤡 haven’t started the hw for this week#i also have a hw due thursday this week that i have to start nowwwww 🤡#also a final project that i have to figure out what the fuck to do for lol#anyway why am i like saying all this everyone else going thru the same thing lmao#GOOD LUCK ON UR FINALS AND STUFF EVERYONE WE’LL ALL FUCKING GET THRU IT ❤️#jeanne talks#for this one i just took was online and multiple choice section was 60 points and i got 45 😭😭😭#there’s still a like free response section that i didn’t do especially well on 🤡 but that hasn’t been graded#but the way it showed me 45/100 bc that hasn’t been graded lmaoooooooooo#how did i fuck that so badly 😭#idk if the pass/fail policies or whatever are the same as they have been but honestly#might have to do that lmfaooo 😭😭😭#i don’t think this one will be curved and my probability one def will#so maybe i can manage something reasonable in that class but idk lmao bruh the fucking reckless pass/failing lol#like i could have three As to anchor this gpa a lil bit but 🤡#but yk idk what the fuck i’m doing and i’ve accepted that XD#we’ll see what i end up doing w this class im looking forward to finding out lmfao 😭
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