#how is he still only 20 btw feel like back then i was not deeping hard enough how advanced he was

[sakamotokaori]

yuma is insane…..like bonkers

[bidaryl]

need u to know that while i've written various words about this in my google docs, i woke up the other morning needing a slight break but also wanting the same world, and so naturally my brain was like.

oh. daryl wakes up at the start of the end. again.

for the second time.

and his first thought is fuck no. we're not doing this again.

but then he actually takes stock of the situation, using all his senses and his insticts that have grown so sharp over the years, and realises, it's different this time.

this time; his throats fucked, forever hoarse, after that run he went on that turned out to be an ambush, and denise and hershel told him he was lucky he could still talk, that he was lucky he even survived, after how deep the wire cut.

he's still got the scar on his hand from the fight with the claimers, when they stumbled upon him in that house in the woods and had him at knifepoint, and he's sure if he was to check, he'd have the scar of his back from them, too.

his entire body aches, feeling every bit of his fifty four years, and then some, and, his hair's long, a complete mess falling in his eyes.

finally stretches his awareness to the rest of the tent and realises–he's not alone. that there's an entire body basically on top of him, weighing him down, except it's a breathing pattern he knows and a heartbeat he takes comfort in, something so familiar and so ingrained into his body and brain–his heart–that he doesn't even think to register it as danger.

looks down at his daughter asleep on his chest and curls his arms around her protectively, breathing her in.

as long as she's in his arms, she's safe. he'll die making sure thats certain.

focuses back on the tent–the shitty, measly, bullshit tent that he pitched all the way back at the start–and thinks, fuck.

anyway! just the idea of the first time daryl woke up in the apocalypse, it was after losing almost everything, after he had so little left; that when he woke up, he looked around and saw it for the second chance it was, and took it.

that he never, not once, tried to go back.

like, sure, there was the occasional thought, especially at the start, when he was missing judith and rj. dog. the few other pieces of his family that had survived alongside him, that he'd left behind. but when it came down to it, he never put any real effort into trying to find out why he was there or how to get back. never figured out why him and carol and maggie and a few others got to start again, with all their memories still intact.

they just took it for what it was and used every memory to their advantage. built every bit of their future with the knowledge they had, and created something.

and it was good.

not perfect, some smaller disasters getting lost in the chaos of the wars, but for the most part, it worked.

it was as close to perfect as they were ever gonna get.

they saved so many of their nearest and dearest, and their family lived.

not just survived–lived.

the second chance was everything they needed to thrive.

except now, he's here, in his stupid fucking tent–again–and he's lived a hundred different lifetimes, or at least two more than he ever thought he would, and his daughter–his daughter–is in his arms, and he needs to go back.

needs to go back to before.

he doesn't want a third chance.

they got it right the second time.

he doesn't want to build everything from scratch again, lay the foundations of their future brick by brick just so he can hopefully, eventually, maybe, one day, get his family back.

doesn't want to have to fight and claw and beg and wait for his future, doesn't know if he could live through it all again.

just wants to wrap his kid up tight and take her home, where their family is alive and happy and thriving, their community so fucking warm and full, everyone having a job to do and everyone having a place to call home.

thinks, not for the first time, time travel is fucking bullshit.

time travel fix it au's are done to death in this fandom but also they're my favourite thing in the world so au where the entire show happens as is and it's heartbreaking and inspiring etc but then. restart button. waking back up at the start of the end except only the people that lived remember

wanna think about what would happen when daryl and carol wake up at camp, remembering everything that happened; carol stronger, knowing in her gut that everything that she remembers is real, and daryl fucking terrified, because if everything in his head actually happened, then what the fuck is this

wanna think about a rick dragging a hostile merle and a wide-eyed glenn back to camp, memories completely intact, and running to reunite with his family. not letting daryl go and hugging carol so so so tight, collapsing to the ground with carl in his arms

wanna think about them dragging the atlanta group to the farm, maggie leaving the front porch light on for them, and everyone reuniting. rick seeing hershel again, daryl seeing beth, carol pulling sophia close, and maggie being unable to even breath, looking at glenn

wanna think about them tossing up whether to even go to the prison, but they met important people there, and alexandria's a long way, and if they're gonna survive this time–if they're gonna live–they're gonna do it right

so they go to the prison so they can figure out their next step, and michonne's there and waiting, andre on her hip, and they deal with the governor before the governor deals with them, and sasha and tyresse finally show up, they find the prisoners, and then one day they get a knock on the front gate, and it's negan

negan showing up, no baseball bat in hand but his leather jacket still in place, a sick but alive lucille by his side, laura and doctor franklin behind him, and all he's got to say is at the end of the world, i know which side i wanna be on

the fallout of that, of maggie being against it, of rick never having gotten to see negan at the end, not knowing the choices he made, the good and the bad. daryl and carol looking at glenn, seeing him alive and in love and having no memory of his last moments, and never wanting anything to ruin that, but negan saved judiths life, helped save all their lives. he chose, in the end, and now it's their turn

wanna think about a future where beth doesn't die, but they go on a rescue mission to get noah anyway. a future where tara turns up with her niece, led by eugene with abraham and rosita following right behind him

wanna think about how they'd handle terminus, how they'd handle the claimers. wanna think about them trying to find father gabriel, except gabe made it the first time around, and he wasn't wasting his second chance. he saved his flock, and he led them to alexandria, and he's waiting

wanna think of connie's group searching for hilltop. not finding maggie, or alden, but finding jesus. wanna think about lydia, being a fucking child, and watching her mother kill her dad, and remembering aaron telling her how loved she was

wanna think of the growing pains of them being able to save so many more family members this time, but god, a larger group is harder to keep alive

daryl trying to run interference with merle and everyone else, getting the jack of it one day and telling him he's already mourned him once, and he won't again. if merle wants to stay–to live–then it's up to him. daryl's not gonna babysit him anymore

rick trying to find his footing between lori and shane and judith, with carl, with michonne and andre. michonne looking at a weak but alive lori grimes holding a screaming and crying newborn in her arms, and knowing that she's never gonna be her daughter the way she was before, but knowing she'll always be something to her

carol struggling to be the mother sophia needs her to be, emotions too sharp and constantly fucking terrified. doesn't know how to hold onto someone like that anymore, either gripping too tight or not at all

maggie trying to exist in a world where she has everyone she's ever loved back, so close and so fucking dear, except it cost her her son. not knowing if she'll ever get him back at all. doesn't know how to live with the grief of losing someone she never technically had in this world

they make it to alexandria and it's aaron opening the gate for them, waiting to welcome them home

[jayparked]

52 and 20 sunoo please btw i love your writing🫶

warnings: brat tamer!sunoo, f2l, begging, edging, teasing, orgasm denial, praise, dirty talk

wc: 569

you wish you would think more before you speak. the amount of times your mouth has gotten you into trouble should be enough to make you use your brain more and consider the consequences.

a silly remark. that's all it was. it wasn't meant to be a challenge. and yet you couldn't help yourself from casually admitting that you were unedge-able.

you'd just never been with someone who knew how to do it properly, is what your friend sunoo said, braggy about how fun it is to have that kind of control over someone.

and, of course, you couldn't just leave it at that. you had to continue to tease and doubt your friend.

and that's how you found yourself here, begging, trembling, losing your mind underneath him as he went from edging you with his tongue, his fingers, and now his cock, still prolonging your orgasm.

"you want to come?"

"y-yes, i...please."

"hm, but do you really deserve to?" sunoo cocks his head to the side, his lips curling into a devilish smirk, "think you can just be a brat anytime you want without any punishments?" he's enjoying seeing you like this way too much, loves the squelching sounds your body makes as he pushes you to the edge only to have you whining and moaning as he takes them away.

"'m..i'm sorry. sunoo, please." you cling onto his biceps while he rubs the tip of his cock around your clit, his other hand twisting and pulling at one of your nipples.

"no. you come when i say you can." although he chuckles, his composure is slowly leaving. his muscles are bulging as he tries to remain focused on his goal, but sweat is starting to trail down his temple and his body twitches every time he pulls himself away from you.

"actually," he tsks, "i'm tired of playing with you. i'm not gonna stop until you're squeezing every last drop out of me. i don't care how sensitive you are."

even though his words are stern, he looks at you and waits for your consent, which you give immediately with an excited nod.

sunoo rubs your knee gently in acknowledgment, finally pushing himself further into you.

finally feeling full, you moan, your body already shaking with overstimulation as your walls mold around him. but then, it starts to feel too much. your hips are bucking against his, entire body shaking as the pleasure overwhelms you.

"shh, just a little more...you're doing so well for me, baby," he whispers sweetly. with one last gentle thrust he's finally fully sheathed inside of you. a moment is all he gives for your body to adjust before he's snapping his hips, his thrust sharp and deep. the sound of your skin slapping against one another mixes sinfully amongst the squelching of your juices every time he pounds into you. both of your moans fill the room and you feel your release erupting from your body without any warning.

"f-fuck, fuck, fuck!" you scream as you cling to your friend who doesn't slow down even for a second. as he continues to use your body, you can't help but smirk to yourself, now slightly thankful that your smart mouth has gotten you into this interesting position. and you can't wait for the next time you get sunoo riled up to the point where he'll have to put you back in your place.

for part of my 1k follower celebration send me a member and a number from this list and i'll write a short drabble about it ♡ masterlist

[crunchwrapsnoopy]

Don't Call, Don't Text [Tomura Shigaraki x Reader]

↻ ◁ ˚₊ Do I Wanna Know ₊˚ ▷ ↺

"Have you no idea that you're in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week"

drunk msging ur ex on discord >>>> (no use of y/n btw!)

Toxic!Tomura Shigaraki x GN Reader

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WC: 1183

It was late, the only light in your room was the one beating on your face from your monitor. You were just about to shut down your computer for the night to get some much needed rest, when you got a Discord ping out of nowhere, a message lighting up your screen. You froze in your gaming chair upon seeing the name, Shiggy. It had been months since you two had broken up. You’d tried moving on after you moved to a new city, you tried pretending that his chaotic, unsettling presence hadn’t left a somewhat sinister mark on your life. You thought about him sometimes, like when you heard his laugh in a random memory or when you played video games that you used to queue together. You also thought about the tears that streamed down your face often, the nights where he'd ignore you for hours. But that was all in the past. At least, that’s what you’d told yourself. You clicked on his message with a small sigh, and there it was: 

Shiggy (1:09 A.M.) Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? Cause I always do.

You didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. You ran your fingers through your hair, the hair that Tomura makes you want to rip from your scalp, trying to process the words, wondering if you were dreaming or if the alcohol had just given him the courage to send this. Your finger hovered over the keyboard, unsure whether you should respond at all. You hadn’t really heard from him since your messy breakup, the closest you've been to contact has been through his friends, who occasionally send you updates on him. And now here he was, seemingly drunk, sending song lyrics on discord of all places. It was almost laughable. But nonetheless strange. A mix of emotions stirred up inside you—anger, confusion, and, yes, maybe a bit of longing. You remembered when things had been different, when it was all fine. But who wouldn't miss a relationship that lasted for two years, no matter how bad it was? There's always a missing piece now, even if the piece was a jerk from time to time. You took a deep breath and typed a response, still unsure if you should do this to yourself this late at night.

You (1:13 A.M.) Drunk messaging me Arctic Monkeys lyrics on Discord? That's a new one.

Shiggy (1:13 A.M.) They’re your favorite, after all.

You (1:15 A.M.) Oh, so now you remember that?

Your fingers hovered over the keys again as you stared at the screen, feeling a strange pull to his words. He had always been unpredictable—sometimes affectionate, sometimes distant, but always a little bit unpredictable in the way he expressed things. You’d never really understood him fully, and maybe that’s why you were still here, still entertaining the idea of responding to him.

Shiggy (1:17 A.M.) I don’t forget shit like that.

Your pulse quickened, but you forced yourself to stay calm. You hadn’t heard from him in so long. You were not about to let a pathetic drunk text pull you back into whatever you two were. But the strange feeling that lingered in your chest was hard to ignore.

You (1:19 A.M.) If you say so.

Shiggy (1:20 A.M.) I do.

The silence that followed felt heavy, like something was hanging between you two, something unspoken, yet palpable. Your eyes flicked over his message again, the way he seemed so sure of himself, you couldn't physically hear him, but you could definitely make out the raspy, cocky tone that he was trying to convey in his messages.

You (1:22 A.M.) You have some nerve Tomura. It's been months, do you really think I'm gonna come crawling back to you because of some lame messages on Discord?

Shiggy (1:24 A.M.) Look at the guts on you. I don’t think anything. But yeah, I remember what we were. Maybe you do too, deep down.

Your heart gave a sharp thud at his words, and the old ache returned—bittersweet and raw. You remembered it too. The fights, the stolen moments of tenderness. The good and the bad. You weren’t sure if it was worth revisiting, though. Not after everything.

You (1:26 A.M.) I do remember but it’s not that simple. You know that.

Shiggy (1:27 A.M.) Never said it was.

The honesty in his response caught you off guard, and for a moment, you were quiet, staring at the screen. You hated how he always seemed to have a way of cutting through your defenses.

You (1:30 A.M.) What do you want, Tomura?

Shiggy (1:32 A.M.) What do you think I want?

The implication hung there between the words, and for a moment, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you knew he was capable of. He had a way of doing things, a way of manipulating your emotions, he could destroy everything and still somehow leave you with a strange sense of wanting more.

You (1:34 A.M.) You can’t just show up like this. I'm not gonna be just some drunk text to you.

Shiggy (1:36 A.M.) I’m not asking you to be. And you know damn well you're more than a drunk text. I'm just… trying to talk ig.

The simplicity of his message was almost disarming, and you couldn’t quite tell if he was being genuine or just trying to string you along, mess with your head. But there was that lingering part of you, the one that still missed him, the one that longed for the connection, even if it was fleeting.

You (1:38 A.M.) Why now?

Shiggy (1:39 A.M.) Why not? I miss you.

Your fingers trembled as you typed your next response, unsure whether you wanted to open this door again, but knowing deep down that the curiosity was eating away at you.

You (1:41 A.M.) I don’t know if I can go back to that, Tomura.

Shiggy (1:42 A.M.) I’m not asking you to come back. Just wanted you to know that I miss you.

You didn’t know if he was telling the truth, or if it was just the alcohol talking. But part of you wondered if, deep down, he wanted to fix things, or if he was just trying to have control over something, anything, after all this time. Maybe you could never know the full truth, and maybe that was the most frustrating part of it all.

Your mind was racing now, trying to decide if you should keep this conversation going. Should you close it off, or leave it open, just a crack, to see where it would lead?

You (1:45 A.M.) Maybe it’s better if we just leave things as they are.

Shiggy (1:46 A.M.) Maybe. But you’re not gonna stop thinking about it, are you?

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[cerberus-new-owner]

anyone else see headcannons for the om! characters and think of their own for a completely different topic like seriously i was reading headcannons about how the brothers would react to MLP (by @byte-your-tongue for those curious i would recomend looking at the post it made me laugh) and i started thinking up headcannons on how they would sleep like what??

Anywayssss here some headcannons about how i think the characters would sleep (with and without mc cause i feel like some of the would change how they sleep with someone next to them)

Part 1 - The Brothers Part 2 - The Angels + Solomon Part 3 - Diavolo + Barbatos

content thingy btw: the brothers are kind of implied to be dating mc but it can really be taken how you wish, also gn!mc, ooooo ooo oooo and a few pet names (dove, treasure, player 2, love) and a bit of fluff to

Lucifer

w/out mc- on back stiff as a board, mans becomes a plank of wood dare i say even a brick unmoving and silent no snores no sleep talk and somehow takes up his entire bed (he's probably in his demon form) also a very light sleeper he's gotta be ready for anything and everything disaterous that could happen in the middle of the night

w/ mc- buuuuuuut when mc shows up and starts sharing his bed he starts to sleep talk like when mc first showed up in the devildom he started doing it every now and then cause of stress (i sleep talk when stressed lol) but when they started sharing a bed he started sleep talking alot more the stress probably coming from him not wanting one of his brothers (mammon, levi, asmo) to A to walk into his room and fall asleep ontop of him and mc cause they want mc cuddles to or B straight up steal mc from his grasp (he protec) oooooor lucky number C take photos of the two and use them as blackmail (mams, satan and belphie), still no snoring, 20% chance he's in his demon form especially if its winter (wings can be blanket), i also think he may switch from a brick to side sleeper everynow and then for cuddles (touch starvedddddddddd), light sleeper still but like way worse now, will wake up at the sound of a pin drop (force him to wear noise cancelling headphones everynow and then so he gets sleep 'do i have to wear these silly things dove, i'd preffer to keep you safe and the house of lamantation standing than sleep')

Mammon

w/out mc- hes sprawled out (starfish), loud snoring (can be heard across the house), also loud sleep talking (he will get flustered in his sleep and talk for everyone example 'mammon that was such a dumb idea' 'no it aint it was a genius idea' 'mammooooooon, wheres my record') sleeps with his glasses on, also kicks like alot, very deep sleeper would've slept through one of beels late night rampages when the fridge was empty many times

w/ mc- still starfish no room for mc, snoring is still loud (hope mc's got ear buds or smth) sleep talks but now flirts with himself too 'oh mammon did it hurt when you fell' 'of course it did i fell for you after all', has gotten into a better habit of taking his glasses off before sleep (feel like mc got up him for wearing them to sleep) no kicking anymore or atleast not as much mc has gotten kicked off multiple times, still a very deep sleeper but he'll somewhat wake up if mc moves to check on them (its probably just tred mumbles of something like 'ya okay treasure?' or 'you're not going anywhere treasure')

Levi

w/out mc- idk what to put here like he obviously takes up like the entirety of the bathtub he sleeps in, he probably talks to ruri-chan or his online friends in his sleep and does the poses and stuff ruri-chan does also body pillows no blankets just body pillows/hj he's a pretty normal sleeper (when he does sleep) only really waking up to any loud noises

w/ mc- still dunno but he probably wraps his tail around mc when sleeping (once again he protec) probably like the exact same as w/ out mc but without the poses, still a pretty average sleeper and still talks in his sleep ('nonononononono player two you take on the minions and i'll take on super elite demon dragon fish boss')

Satan

w/out mc- lets be real when hes does sleep its either almost exactly like lucifer (when he goes to sleep willingly) or he's sprawled out with a book on his face, snores but not as loudly as mammon or beel, probably kicks if he falls asleep angry at someone (most likely lucifer) sleeps pretty deeply normally but when pissed off he's a light sleeper almost like he's preparing to explode at the slightest sound, also if he's snuck a cat into his room he's cuddling with the cat

w/ mc- cuddles in the middle of reading a book, mc was sitting in his lap and he was reading to them when they fell asleep and a few hours later still reading the book out loud for the sleeping mc he falls asleep himself, doesn't go to sleep angry as often as before but his sleeping does lighten a little to make sure unwelcome intruders dont enter his space whilst he's with mc, will not move if he's cuddling mc (if he does move and wake them up he's apologising tellng them to go back to sleep ' 'm sorry love go back to sleep')

Asmodeus

w/out mc- kitten snores tiny little baby snores, doesn't kick unles he's having a nightmare, has a night time face mask on deep sleeper and sleeps on his back just not as stiffly as luci and satan, sleep talks on occasion but its usually just him complementing himself 'oh asmodeus you look extra fabulous today' stuff like that

w/ mc- pretty much the exact same mans wants his beauty sleep

Beelzebub

w/out mc - snores louder than mams, sleeps like a brick, human heater, midnight snacks, deeeeeeeep sleeper like an a new level not as bad as belphie but still he won't wake up unless its one of his alarms or he's hungry, if he were to sleep talk it'd probably be the recipe to his faverite food 'beat two eggs, mix the eggs in with the rest of the batter bake for 15 minutes'

w/ mc- me personally i would get him a sleep apnea machine (stops the loud snores) and install several fans for summer months, he would be very clingy too, perfect for winter not so much for summer

Belphegor

w/out mc- dead he might aswell be dead does not move or make a sound pretty boring overall and cold, no sleep talking like i said he might as well be dead

w/ mc- snuggles snuggles snuggles only time he will move is to get closer to mc for snuggles still pertty cold though like if he wakes up before mc, mc better be prepared to be woken up by a pair of cold hands / feet on their back and a very bratty smile to accompany their awakening

i feel like its way to obvious who my favorite brothers are looking at this and which brothers i struggled with lol but oh well....

i may do the dateables next, i also may expand on a few of these (the ones i didn't struggle hardcore with lol)

have a good day, night, evening, breakfast, lunch, morning

having too muvh fun with the masterlist things lol

[brighttears]

Filth

Joel Miller x f!reader

One use of y/n, no physical description other than having hair

Summary: You and Joel are on the road, heading to nowhere in particular, but going there together, though you're nothing more than partners on the road. It takes a risky yet intriguing move by you in the face of danger to urge Joel to explore your relationship a little further, and it leads to you touching for the first time, then much more than that, and feeling things neither of you have ever felt before. Aka: you have wild sex in the dirt

Word count: 8.2k

Warnings: violence, starts with suicide of a stranger but basically porn with plot (minors dni!), unprotected PiV, Rough sex, hair pulling, lots of biting, multiple orgasms, creampie, brief sub!Joel but almost all just dom!Joel, possessive!Joel, Joel is just extremely horny (I think that’s it on that front? but pls lmk if I forgot to anything!), pet names (darling, baby)

A/n: like 7k of this is just smut ok. Idk what came over me. Anyways Im so fucking terrible with multi parters but now I have three chapters written, I’m writing like Joel Kerouac and his fucking scroll I stg I just have like 20 pages to rewrite to be presentable and split into parts. So welcome to part one of filth. Btw sorry if the formatting is weird my wifi’s down so I can only use my phone

series masterlist

—

“Come on, keep up.” Joel says, looking at you over his shoulder. 

You trot to his side as you approach the building—a large and wide, run down brick warehouse by the side of the road. It’s the first thing you’ve come to in a long while, walking down the empty road, surrounded by trees. Joel slows his steps as you come closer, and you follow his lead. There’s a large metal door on the side and the only windows are around the front, a thin rectangle of glass block windows high up on the wall. Joel glances back at you as he pulls out his gun, and you pull yours out to raise it in two both as you reach the door. 

It’s surprisingly silent as Joel pulls it open, but as you pause just outside, you hear a faint shifting. 

“There’s somethin’ in there.” Joel says quietly. He looks back at you, “Stay close.” You nod, and he starts with slow steps inside. The room is big and deep, and you can barely see, but you catch the glint of a doorknob on the other side of the room, and you walk towards it with quiet, careful steps. 

Joel stops to turn to you, “Ok. You stay right behind me—” Suddenly, you see movement behind him, and the beginning of a screaming growl before you raise your gun and shoot. An Infected falls dramatically at your feet, its face splattering on the concrete ground. Joel looks at it, then at you, his eyes wide and brow pinched sternly, and he whispers angrily, “What the fuck was that?”

“You didn’t see it, it was behind you,” you start but Joel cuts you off. “You don’t just go shootin’ at anythin’ that moves.. We don’t know what else is in here. Could be full of Infected. Could be full of Clickers.” There’s a silent pause before you reply, “Doesn't sound like there are.” Joel sighs, glaring. 

“Don’t shoot unless I tell you to. Got it?” 

You nod shyly, somewhat embarrassed now. 

“Jesus.” Joel says under his breath, shaking his head as he looks head at the door. When he looks back at you, he states firmly, “Stay behind me.” 

You nod again, and start back towards the door. You enter an office room, those same glass block windows shedding much more light into the smaller room. There’s a desk and a chair at your side, a fake plant set by the windows next to a line of filing cabinets. The room is pretty much untouched. Nothing of value, even before the apocalypse. Behind the desk, next to a pasteful, plain painting caked in dust, is another door, slightly ajar. There’s shuffling inside, then stillness, and you can hear very faint, fast breathing. 

“There’s a person in there.” You whisper to Joel. 

“How do you know it’s a person?” He looks back at you skeptically. 

“I hear breathing. It’s fast, but they’re trying to be quiet. Infected don’t do that.”

Joel pauses his eyes on you, considering, then looks back to the door. You approach slowly, and Joel nudges the door open with his foot, announcing, “You’ve been found out. Come out into the light where we can see you, hands up.”

There’s more breathing, faster now, but no movement. 

“I said, come out, into the light, hands raised.”

Finally, they step out into the line of light—it’s a woman, absolutely terrified, with a bite mark on her shoulder. It’s fresh, and infected. Thick, tangled dark hair farms a pale face, piercing blue eyes bugging out of her head as she stares at you. She grips a gun in her hand, but it’s pointed at the floor. Her breathing is rapid. 

“Drop the gun.” Joel demands. After a pause, “Drop the gun.” 

The woman squeezes her eyes shut, flinching, then drops it, her hand shaking, and it thuds on the carpet. 

“Kick it to me.” She pauses again, and Joel repeats himself harshly, “Kick it to me.” She does it without opening her eyes. Gun tsill trained on her, Joel leans down to pick it up and then shoves it into his belt. “Now give me one good reason not to shoot you.” He says as he straightens. The woman’s eyes fly open, and she looks petrified. Her lips try to move, quivering, but she’s unable to speak. 

Joel cocks his gun, but you put your hand on his shoulder, “Wait.” He glares at you with wide eyes, but you step towards the woman, lowering your gun to your side. He clamps his hand around your arm, but you shrug it off, not even looking at him as you walk up to her. When you get to her, you see that her entire body is quaking. 

“Hey.” You say in a soft tone, “What’s your name?” She stays silent, wide eyes staring. You continue, attempting to be friendly. “My name’s Y/n. It’s ok. I’m not gonna hurt you.” You keep your voice as soft as you can and shake your head lightly, “I’m not gonna hurt you.” You shift closer to her side, trying to keep her eyes on you instead of the barrel of Joel’s gun. 

Eventually, she swallows, and speaks, “Maggie.”

“Hi, Maggie.” You reply with a light smile, continuing slowly, “We saw that Infected in the other room. Looks like he got you, huh?”

She swallows again, then nods. “Yeah, I–I was alone,” her voice tremors, “and I didn’t see him, n’…” she trails off, swallowing hard again and blinking at you. 

“Yeah, we almost didn’t see him either. I’m sorry.” She stares back, a deer in the headlights. You take a breath before continuing, “I think… you know what has to happen now.” Maggie closes her eyes and pauses, then nods vigorously. “Look,” you start again, “I wanna give you an option. We can do it for you. You can close your eyes, it’ll be quick.” You raise your hand, holding your gun out in your open palm, and she looks down at it. “Or you can do it yourself.” You say quietly. “It’s up to you.” 

This wasn’t planned. You just couldn’t bear to see her go in the state she was in, is still in.

Maggie looks up at you, down at the gun, then back at you. “I… I wanna do it myself.”

“Ok.” You whisper.

Slowly, she takes the gun out of your hand, then raises it shakily to her temple, wide eyes glued on yours. She’s still shaking. She pauses. 

“It’s ok.” You assure her, slowly nodding, then slip your hand into hers. Maggie nods vigorously again, trembling, and you squeeze her hand. She squeezes it back, then the trigger, bang, and slumps against the wall and then to the ground, her hand slipping out of yours, the gun thudding with her. 

You look down at her, swallow, and pick up your gun. 

“Can we go now?” You say to Joel. He looks shocked, though trying to hide it, then nods. 

“Let’s go.”

He walks quickly back outside, and you struggle to keep up. He’s obviously pissed, but there’s a strange look mixed within it. He continues quickly past the building, then suddenly stops, turning to you. 

“What the fuck was that.”

“I don’t know, I just, she just, she looked so scared, and you—you asked her for a reason not to shoot her, but she couldn’t speak, so I just wanted to give her a chance—”

“That was stupid.” Joel glares. “Walkin’ up to someone who’s infected, someone with a gun—”

“She dropped the gun, and the bite was fresh.”

“You don’t know what she was gonna do.”

You cut him off, defensive, “She was scared stiff. She couldn’t have done anything if she wanted to.”

“Why the fuck did you give her your gun? She could’ve shot us both.” He shoots back fiercely. 

“She wasn’t going to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I was looking in her eyes. She knew she had to die. There was no reason for her to shoot us.”

“You don’t fuckin’ know that! Even if she didn’t, havin’ no reason hasn’t stopped people before.”

“You had a fucking gun pointed at her. If she had even flinched, you would have shot her.”

Joel looks at you, then down, shaking his head. “That was fuckin’ stupid.” He takes a breath, then looks back down the road, and starts walking back along it. Following beside him, you glance at his face. On it you see a mix of anger, confusion, but maybe a hint of recognition, of understanding as he mulls it over. Then, that strange look from earlier, something else you can’t place. 

After a while, he stops suddenly, turning to you, “Why’d you give her an option?”

You pause, then shrug, voice shy, “Well, she had to die, and she knew that… but… I don’t know…”

“‘You don’t know?’ That’s the answer you’re going with?” He responds, irritated. 

You take a breath. “Because there’s not much choice left to be had anymore, with anything. She’d gotten this far, which mean she’s had to do the same kind of shit we have, and she was just so fucking scared, and I just wanted her to have some kind of say in how she went. I wanted her to be able to go with some kind of dignity.”

“Was it that, or did you just not wanna get your hands dirty?”

“I’ve shot people. I can do that.”

“That’s not what I was askin’. I’m askin’, were you doin’ it for her, or were you doing it for you?”

“For her.”

“So, you could have shot her, but you chose not to.”

“Yes.”

He pauses, then says, “If I told you to shoot her, would you have?”

“Yes.”

Joel pauses again. “If I told you to, you would have done it, no hesitation, no mercy, no nothin’?”

“Yes.” 

“No hesitation, no mercy, no nothin’.” He repeats. 

“Yes.”

“Just cause I said so.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I trust you.”

There’s a long moment of silence, the both of you just looking at each other, before he asks, “If I told you to shoot me, would you?”

“…Why would I shoot you?”

“Just answer the question.”

After a moment, you reply, “Yes.”

There’s a longer moment of silence before Joel says, “Get on your knees.”

“…What?” You ask quietly. 

“Do as I say. Kneel.”

You pause, then do. “Are you going to shoot me?” You ask, voice still small. 

“Close your eyes.”

“Are you going to shoot me?”

“Close your eyes.”

After another moment, you do. You’re blind now. It’s quiet. The wind gently brushes over your face. I trust him. I trust him. I trust him. You repeat the mantra in your head as the seconds tick by. 

“Open your eyes.” Joel’s voice is much closer now, and when you open your eyes, he’s squatting in front of you, face less than a foot from yours. 

Your breath hitches. 

Silence. 

Joel’s eyes bore into yours, searching, you don’t know what for, but searching. You feel naked. Exposed. Still blind, though your eyes are open. You’re lost, no idea what to do, or what Joel will do next. I trust him. 

“…What is it?” You ask eventually, voice coming out quieter than you intended. 

He stares into your eyes for a long while, and then his lips move, but he stops. Eventually, he says, voice quiet but strained, “I want something from you.”

“What?” You nearly whisper. 

He pauses for another long while, then, quiet, desperation in his answer, “Everything.”

“It’s yours.” You whisper back almost immediately. Your mind swirls, velvet ropes twisting around each other, your gaze frozen on Joel, so close to you. “You can take it. Anything. I’m yours.” You answer like you’ve been waiting forever for him to ask, and only now do you realize that you have been. 

Joel lips part and he lets out a soft breath, and then he moves his face closer, lips merely inches away, and while your eyes are trained on his, you feel his knuckle brush gently over your cheek. 

Then, he kisses you. You breathe in as soon as his lips meet yours, your mind bursting and melting as they slip between yours, tasting him, sweet and heady. Quickly, he deepens the kiss, passion pressing into your mouth, and then pulls you forward, tugging his arms like a hook around you to pull you into his lap. You straddle him, his strong hands immediately going to grip your sides, and you comb your hands through his hair. Joel lets out a soft moan, the sound shooting a jolt of electricity through your body, and you press yourself closer. When he slides his tongue between your teeth, you open yourself for him, hands sliding around his face, through his hair, just, all over, messy, eager, starving to finally touch him. He lets out another soft moan, your lips parting with it before he brings your them back in, kissing you slow but passionate. 

As you push and pull your hands around his head, Joel’s neck relaxes, letting himself lean and fall with your touch, his hands traveling over your sides, your back, your hips. You feel him relaxing under you, letting out more breathy moans; he’s being submissive, you can feel it, his defense falling. Big bad Joel is putty in your hands. 

You keep moving over him like this, then start planting kisses over his cheek and jaw before you move your lips to his neck. Wet and sloppy, your tongue travels over his neck, relishing in his flavor–pungent, earthy, salty with caked sweat, but it doesn’t make it any less palatable. It’s him. With your chin pressing over his collarbone and chest as you advance around his neck, his beard scratches your temple, breath warm in your ear. You lower your hands to ball his jacket in your fists over his shoulders, keeping him there. 

Joel’s hands tighten around your sides and he breathes out, “Shit.” More whispers of moans come out of him, his hands back to sliding all over your torso, and he breathes out, “God,” before his grip hardens, rubbing cupped hands up and down your sides, and then he moves his chin down to nudge your face away, grabbing your lip with his teeth and pulling you back in to kiss you, rougher, hungrier, immediately pushing his tongue past your teeth. One of his hands reaches up to clutch your chin, squeezing your cheeks to hold you in place. He slides the grip around to the back of your neck and bends it to get at your neck. 

He kisses, then starts to bite, as if he’s claiming you, and you melt at the idea, your mouth falling open. To be his. He bites harder, sure to leave a dark make. There’s no one to see it, but if there were, they would all know. You’re his. Joel uses his nose to slide your shirt away so that his mouth can reach your shoulder, biting again before he brings his tongue to lick a flat line along your collarbone. You moan, your entire body buzzing. He kisses hungrily, his tongue on that sensitive spot along your neck, just above your collarbone and next to your throat. He nips it, then moves back to the side of your neck, almost opening and closing the entirety of his mouth around your skin, sinking his teeth in like an animal. 

You feel his hands start to slide under your shirt, running up and down your back, his mouth still pinching your neck, enough for it to hurt, but you don’t stop him. You don’t want him to. You want him to do as he wants. Mark you. Own you. 

His thumb lays along your jaw as he holds you open for him, and then he slides it up, his palm over your ear with his fingers around the back of your head to pull his lips back into yours. Eager, frenzied, fervent. Joel’s hand slides from your side to your thigh, squeezing it while the other falls to the collar of your shirt, tugging, and you’re pulled further into his mouth, hands gripping his shoulders, just for support, just to hold on. 

His grip moves to your ass, squeezing, while his hand continues to tug at your shirt, the fabric digging into the back of your neck as you hear the sound of fabric ripping, and you let out a quick moan, your mouth opening with it as your neck is tugged down. Slowly, dramatically, he licks back into it, his tongue hooking around the back of your top teeth to keep your mouth on his as he continues to rip the fabric of your shirt, finally tearing it fully in half. As soon as he does, he pushes forward, leaning you down so that his mouth can travel past your chin to drag it wetly down over your sternum. He kisses down the center of your chest while his hand caresses your breasts, the other still simply clutching your ass. 

With every part of you squirming, you grip his jacket in balled fists. You can’t remember the last time you’ve been touched; and like this, never like this, by someone like Joel, no kind of animal like him. Tilting your head to the sky, you moan, eyes closed, brow drawn up, shivering both from his touch and the breeze over your bare chest. 

Joel drags himself back up, sliding his hand back up to your neck to slowly pull your faces back together. He looks at you under lids half closed, his teeth almost barred. He bites your lower lip, then his teeth come back down over your neck, biting it unrestrained, mouth open, teeth on either side, as if he was trying to take a piece out of you, and then both hands go down to start to grind your hips over his. A cold fire runs over your skin, engrossed completely in him, mind spinning, him all around you, every part of his body against yours. 

Joel moans into your skin, and you relax your body, letting your arms fall lax around his shoulders, allowing him to move you as he pleases. Let him do what he wants with you. Let him have you. Feeling it, Jole moans again, deep and low as he sucks a breath in through his nose, inhaling you. His fingers curl around your jeans at your hips, tugging them, almost unthinkingly, just tugging. In response, you lean your head down to push him away so that you can look down to start unbuttoning your jeans for him. When you look up, you meet his gaze, and the intensity in his eyes makes your breath hitch, and in the most erotic way possible, you feel like you’re being boiled alive. He’s looking at you like prey, like he wants to rip you apart, full of lust, of need, and he nearly growls as he leans his lips back onto yours, and you wrap your arms back around his shoulders. 

With your jeans undone, Joel slides a hand down, and his fingerw press into you already soaking through your underwear. Instantly, his touch instantly pulls a loud moan from you, breathless. He moans right back, deep and low as he sucks on your bottom lip, then opens his mouth again over yours to kiss you harshly, his hand smoothing up and down between your thighs. Your fists bunch the fabric over his shoulder again, moans cascading from your open mouth, and Joel leans back to watch you. 

You open your eyes to him and moan just at the sight, his mouth open and dribbling both of your spit, his cheeks flushed, still looking at you under half lidded eyes, looking like a wild animal as he feels over your wetness, and your body rolls into his touch. He slides his hand up from between your legs in a line up to caress your chest again, your own cum trailing over your skin. His other hand keeps hold over your hip, grinding you down over his hips again. Right from under your core you can feel his hardness, and you release a shaky breath, a deep craving boiling up in your chest. Joel’s eyes flutter closed for a moment as the contact rolls from between you, his mouth falling open wider as a moan falls through a deep breath. 

His hand falls fast from your chest down to the band of your underwear, tugging it as he his mouth goes back to your neck, now doing nothing more than sliding his tongue along it, then bites down again as he begins to rip apart the next piece of clothing. He brings his mouth back up, both hands gripping your hips now to pull you down and grind, his bulge firmer now, making deep contact right against your opening through your jeans. With both of your mouths open, your lips brush and bump, breathing moans into each other’s mouths as he moves you over him faster, almost bucking into you as he holds you down, rolling your hips back and forth. 

With a deep growl, he grabs the fabric of your underwear, ripping it down until it pulls away, exposing your pussy for him to slip his hand back onto, sliding all of his fingers up and down as he continues to grind, each pull gliding his fingers farther in. Your moans louden helplessly, your heart pounding. Joel’s forehead rests on your chin, mumbling things you can’t make out. The hand from your hips reaches for your hair, bunching it in a fist to find your mouth again. He breathes hotly into it, mumbling unintelligibly before he slides his tongue back in. You’re almost throwing your hips over him, both his hardness and his hand making sweet contact with your pussy as your tongues find a rhythm in each other's mouths. 

Your hands fall to fumble with his belt, undoing his jeans with haste, and Joel’s breath quickens, going back to clutching your hips before you’re even done, moving desperately against you. He lifts you up and you get the message, moving swiftly with him to remove your boots and jeans, the remnants of your underwear flapping against your leg at the one spot that they’re still attached over your thigh. As you climb back onto his lap, you slide your hands eagerly over his chest, hooking your thumbs around his shirt to lift it up. Joel lets out a breathy, loud moan as you do, then hurriedly pulls it over his head to toss on the ground before he pulls your hips back towards him, placing you down on his dick. 

A loud moan skids from your throat as he enters you, and he takes no time to start pumping himself into you, loud as he tugs and rolls and pulls. Your hands slide over his back and into his hair, combing and clutching as you’re lifted up and down over him. His firm cock fills you repeatedly, his body warm and powerful around you. 

Joel has his mouth back on your neck, kissing and licking and biting, your skin sore, the stumble on his cheek scraping against your throat. He becomes rougher, controlling your hips with his hands gripped so hard it hurts, but you relax your body again, rolling with his movements, allowing him to take you as he wants. Joel leans back and your head falls to look down at him, and he still has that hungry look on his face, wet and flushed, breathily heavily and leaking low moans. Your own voice becomes louder as you take in his expression, and he lifts his hand to clamp around your mouth. He looks back down, his head against your chest as he watches you coming up and down over his thick cock. He lets out a long moan before wrapping his arm around your waist, pushing himself father into you, keeping his hand on your face with your head leaned over his shoulder. He picks up his pace, mouth on your neck again, the sensitive skin abused at this point, but pain has never felt so good, and you let your moans loose into his palm. 

The pleasure builds as he thrusts himself deep inside you, faster, and you whine into his hand. Joel lets his mouth come off your neck, leaning his head into the crook of your neck, letting out loud, breathy moans. His arm comes back around from your waist to close around your hip again, bringing you down harder at him, widening his thighs to go deeper, hitting your limit repeatedly, and you nearly cry out.

“Fuck, darlin’,” Joel breathes out, “you feel so good.” His voice jumps with the beat of his body as he repeats, “Feels so good.” 

He lets go of your face to bring it back to his, kissing wet and rough, sucking and licking, your teeth clicking together. 

“Feels so fuckin’ good,” he says again, though it comes out almost like a whine, muffled in your lips. He starts moaning more, going harder, faster, and it starts to hurt your hips, but he keeps a relentless pace, griping so hard you know your waist will be covered in bruises—another mark from him, he’s claiming you, your his, and you know it, and so does he. 

“Shit,” he breathes out, wrapping his arm around your back and his hand back over your mouth to hold you close as you cry out moans. 

The pleasure is almost too much at this point, but he’s fucking you, finally, so you take it, and his moans grow louder, sounding almost pained, like he’s trying to hold back though he’s already fucking you in such a desperate manner. As he hits your limit, sweetness slicks its way from between your legs through your body and up into your mouth like he’s plunging sugar up through you, and you clamp your legs around him, knees on his sides, twisting your ankles around his waists as your toes curl and your eyes screw shut. You cum around his dick, thigh shuddering around him. 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop,” Joel breathes out, as if you had a choice. You're almost screaming moans into his hand when he doesn’t let up, fucking you relentlessly through your orgasm, but he still doesn’t stop, only going harder. As he keeps going, you feel tears start to ball up in the corners of your eyes, falling down your cheeks to meet your spit already wetting his palm. You grip the hair on the back of his head, body wrapped around him, holding on for dear life. Joel let’s go of your mouth, wrapping it around the back of his neck to tug your face down into the crook of his neck. 

“Bite down,” he tells you, like he knows exactly what he’s doing to you, pushing you further and further, and you obey, closing your mouth around his trap. Joel moans loud, a deep breath puffing out his chest against your body, and he squeezes your ass hard, tugging your onto him while he bucks up into you. His fingers in your hip nearly reach the bone, fucking you animalistically, like he himself can’t stop, is unable to stop fucking you. His breaths are ragged, and he makes another sound like a moan and a whimper, once again sounding pained, and he moves his head up to press against your neck, mumbling things you can’t understand into your wet, bruised skin. 

He pauses, slowing, almost stopping for a moment, but not even long enough to catch any sort of breath before starting back up again, rougher, urgent, hammering into you, moaning loudly. He bunches your hair into a fist with his hand still pulling and tugging you over him. His movements become frantic, aggressive, needy, and he pants into your neck. 

“More,” Joel breathes against your skin, sounding more like an escaped thought, and then he jolts into you, starting to simply press your hips down on his cock. More, he wants more, and you don’t know how much more you can take, but you’ll give it to him. His moans come out like whimpers, pained, but he wants more, more, more. 

That deep euphoria starts to build inside of you, and you know you’re about to cum again. You release your teeth from his shoulder, almost pressing your lips to his ear as you grip his hair, forearms tight against his back, holding tight, and you tell him, “I’m so close,”

At the sound of your voice, his movements and breaths start to slow a little, seeming to put effort into speaking, “I know,” then slowly, carefully, pressing deep inside of you, he says, “so, so close.”

You whimper loudly, and he takes it as a sign to start fucking you faster, like he’s starving for it, like he needs it more than anything. That feeling grows inside of you, an incredible pressure that feels like it can’t twist any tighter, and you moan gutturally, almost completely overwhelmed. He’s all over you, all around you, his spit, his breath, his hands, his dick deep inside of you, all you can smell is him, all you can taste is him, all you can feel is him. He makes a groaning, moaning growl, somehow fucking you faster, and he holding tightly onto your torso as your body jolts against him. 

He slows then, letting out another growling, groaning sound, and his grip loosens slightly, only for his fingers to dig back into your skin. He reaches up to pull your head back by your hair, looking at you with almost glazed eyes. They move down from your eyes to your lips, and he pulls you into another kiss, his tongue pressed into your mouth as he moves slowly inside of you. 

Just when you thought he had finished, he starts moving faster again, but more deliberate. Purposeful. Did he cum, but what’s more? He kisses you deeply, holding you as close as he can, arm pulled around your waist with his hand pressed firmly against your back. He keeps himself attached to you as if he can’t pull himself away, like he’s physically unable to let you go. 

He moves faster again, movements becoming more frantic, almost primal, keeping his mouth on yours. He pulls back to let his forehead press against yours as he fucks urgently, then starts mumbling incoherently again, like he’s unable to speak properly anymore. Joel pushes you farther, farther, his movements aggressive, clutching at you like he only wants to take more of you, like taking you is the only thing that matters, the only thing that exists, the only thing he can physically do. He starts moaning again, breathy but loud and jolting from his throat, breath hot into your open mouth as he fucks faster, leaving bruises in a pattern of his fingertips. He stops his mumbling to reattach his mouth to neck, simply holding his mouth around your skin, teeth digging to the beat of his hips, claiming you, and you feel yourself close to cumming for the third time. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” you whimper, and he takes his mouth back to yours, kissing you again, sucking your lips. 

Then, in a low, quiet voice, he says, “I’m… greedy… I need… more…” 

“Everything, take everything,” you reply, out of breath, and his throat starts back up with moans, leaning his forehead against your cheek. You bring your hands over the sides of his neck, pulling his head back to look at him, but his eyes are screwed shut, his teeth bared slightly, like he’s in pain, but then he opens his eyes to meet your gaze and he looks so incredibly desperate. As he watches you, he adjusts his hands on your hips, moving harder, pumping into you relentlessly. He looks to have forgotten everything other than you, held onto him, like he’s lost himself completely in you. Need. Need. Need. Your body almost hurts, that place for pleasure almost abused by now, and yet, you feel yourself drawing closer to another climax, and you cry moans, still focused on his face. His movements are frantic, taking more, moving as fast as he can with wild intent. He closes his eyes, lips searching for yours again, and you give them to him, your tongues instantly meeting. His hands slide around your torso, nails scratching down your sides, shifting the, around your ass, your back, your hips, your stomach, up your front, clutching your breast, moaning and touching and kissing as if he knows nothing more than this. Like he was made for it. 

He pushes you father, taking you deeper, filling you to the brim, and you feel yourself so close, the pleasure more raw, so you pull your lips away to tell him again, whining, “Joel, I’m so close, I’m so close,” 

He keeps his eyes closed, then barely gets out, “Just a lil’ more, baby, just a lil’ more, please, please,” and you couldn’t refuse if you wanted to. And then you feel it, that wave of euphoria flowing back through your body, taking that route from your pussy through your thighs, up your chest and shooting into your head, and it’s completely overwhelming this time, and you hear yourself crying out jagged, long moans, eyes squeezed shut and leaking tears. You feel nothing else, only him, all you know is him and this feeling and his arms sliding and clutching and pumping into you as you bounce on his cock. You feel like you’re going to burn, like you’re not even human anymore, but he doesn’t stop, only going faster as your entire body trembles around him. You hold onto him helplessly as he fucks you violently. 

For a split second, it seems as if he’s stopped moving and it makes some sort of sound come out of you, right in the middle of rapturous orgasm, but then he changes how he takes you, not just pushing into you now, but painfully gripping onto your hips to pull you down over him. You try to relax your body again for him, letting him move you, slower, pulling and tugging you down over his cock over and over and over again as you cum.

“Oh, god,” he says, breathing heavily. His moans sound nearly anguished, as if he’s still somehow holding something back, like he’s trying to keep this going as long as possible. 

All he wants is more. You can tell. Nothing else. Only more. He starts to quicken his pace again, bouncing you in his lap, aggressive again, fingers digging into you. You feel like you can barely take anymore, but you want to, and you can tell that he’s going to keep going until his mind or body breaks, taking you until he can’t anymore. And you’re his, all his, for him. He moves like he can’t control himself anymore, purely wanting more, more, more. 

Joel presses you down hard over him, fitting every centimeter of himself inside of you as starts thrusting to that limit again and again and again. He kisses you like he wants to consume you, like he needs you to be completely his, and if you had room to talk, you would tell him, I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours. 

His fingers crab and claw at you, and you feel things you’ve never felt before, that you couldn’t even describe, and it feels so otherworldly good. He kisses you frantically, like he can’t get enough, moving like he can’t possibly go as intensely as he wants. His tongue probes, digs, licks. There’s no stopping now, it doesn’t even feel like an option. Your body is a mess, mush in your stomach with some other substance filling the rest of you, something created by him and, naturally, for him. You feel yourself about to cum on him again, surprised that your body can still function like this, you’ve never been able to go this long, but he makes you, Joel takes you there. 

He mumbles more against you lips, and you can barely understand it, but you hear him say, “God, oh, god, so good, so good, please, I need it, I need you,” and his words alone are enough to push you over the edge again, and you tremble, almost vibrating around him, legs still locked around his back, and he moans loud and quick as you cum on his throbbing, bucking cock. 

He grips your body like he wants you to implode you around him, and you just might if he doesn’t stop. Your orgasm is longer than any one before, and the long moans you let out are almost gargled in your throat as every muscle in your body shudders around him. He’s almost like a god, creating this feeling that you didn’t know existed. With your head tilted up, Joel kisses and licks your throat, breathing raggedly, sounds never ceasing to come out of him—simply sounds, almost words but not quite, and he wraps his arms around you, keeping you held tightly onto him as you squeeze helplessly around his cock. 

If you could speak, despite how close you are to your absolute limit for everything, you would beg, for more, anything, everything, for him to get what he needs, all you want for him is to get what he needs from you. You gasp as the complete euphoria blossoms and pours over you, almost an unbelievable wave of pressure and pleasure, and you think, this is like heroin on steroids, a kind of euphoria that prods repeatedly through your pussy into every part of your body. And from the way he’s going, you know this must feel just as good for him as it does you. As the feeling encompasses you, you’re like a rag doll in his arms, though your hands grab and claw at his back, your fingertips feeling like they’re vibrating as they press into his skin, then climbing through his hair to bunch and clench in your fists. With your chin hooked around his shoulder, Joel continues to pour mumbles into your neck. You’re not human beings anymore, just piles of pleasure attached onto each other. You have no control, and neither does he, fucking you like an animalistic machine, violently, his arms fumbling to wrap you tighter, going deeper, faster, harder, and you’re both crying out at this point. How much more does he have, how much longer could he possibly keep going? For god's sake, he’s in his late 50’s. 

You grasp onto him, crying and clawing and squeezing and gripping. “Oh, god,” he groans out against you, bucking frantic and chaotic, and this must be it, he must be at the top of that cliff, about to crash down from this record breaking climax. He cries out one final, long, guttural moan, falling into whimpers as he thrust as deep as humanly possible inside of you, becoming slow jerks as he finally pumps the rest of his cum inside of you. 

Eventually, it slopes into just twitching and shaking, him pinned deep inside of you. Joel’s body starts to relax, releasing his grip that leaves behind throbbing prints. You lean back on him, muscles exhausted, and look over his face. You begin sliding your hands around it, feeling over his cheeks, brushing your fingers over his wet and puffy open mouth, your thumbs over his eyebrows before pushing your fingers through his hair. His shoulders heave with deep breaths, looking back at you through half lidded eyes, dazed. Now suddenly gentle, his hands slide up your thighs and over your sides, gliding up your ribs before falling back down to rest over your legs. 

Joel lets his head fall forward, resting in the crook of your neck, breathing hard, and you brush your hands through his hair as you both catch your breath. 

You are an absolute mess, and so is he, both coming back down to planet earth in each other's arms. Eventually, both of your breathing starts to slow, coming into an even rhythm. Lazily, he slides his hands back up and down your sides, and you keep your hands in his hair, petting him like a dog. You keep your eyes closed, being in nothing other than this moment, nothing other than in each other's arms. One of your arms slings over his shoulder, brushing your other hand over the side of his head. 

Joel raises his head slightly to rest his chin on your shoulder, his nose leaned into your neck, and he lets out a deep sigh. You sigh after him, then start planting kisses over the top of his head. When you pull his head back to look at him again, he looks like he could fall asleep right here in your arms, but, with your eyes open again and now actually grounded back into reality, you start looking at your surroundings, and anxiety starts to bubble up as you realize that you are in the dirt on the side of the road, completely out in the open, and completely naked. 

“Joel, we need to get up,” you tell him, still scanning around. You cup his face in his hands, looking back down at him, but he seems to be mesmerized. “Joel, we need to get up.” You tell him again, then finally recognize realization in them. 

“Oh, shit,” he whispers as his eyes widen, and you pull away from each other, him removing himself from inside of you, and, having to use each other for support and balance, you pull each other up to your feet, wobbling. 

With his warm arms still wrapped around you, Joel sighs, looking over your face. You desperately wish you could just stay like this, standing here in the dirt, looking like Adam and Eve, but you say, “We need to get dressed.” As you look around at the ground, searching for your clothes, you realize that your shirt is now unwearable. “And I need your jacket,” you add, “I don’t have a shirt anymore.”

“Wha’d’you mean, you don’t have a shirt anymore?” Joel looks at you with his brow pinched tiredly. 

Your lips tug up shyly when you remind him, “You ripped it in half.” 

“Shit.” He says, his lips tugging up with yours, then looks down at the scattered clothes. “I did, did’n’ I? Sorry, I just got so caught up in you. Did’n’ really mean to.”

“It’s ok.” You reply quietly, smiling back up at him. 

“Shit,” Joel breathes out with a smirk as he totters over to pick his jacket off the ground, coming back to bring it around your shoulders. He holds you by your biceps in front of you, looking over your face with another slurred “Shit,” before pulling himself away as you both stumble around after your clothes. You shove your arms through the sleeves of his jacket before finding your boots and pants, realizing the other detail of your shredded underwear. 

“God damn it,” you chuckle to yourself as you pull your pants back on, then sitting to do up your boots. When you look up, Joel is leaned over his boots, pants on but not buttoned up. You grab his shirt off the ground before hobbling over to him, holding it out to him. As he straightens back up, he gives you another smirk as he takes it from his hands. You step a little closer, looking down to do up his pants for him. When you step away, he’s frozen, still holding the shirt in his hand. 

“Never had someone do that for me.” He says, smirk fallen from his face, and you lean in to press a kiss to his cheek with a smile. When you pull away, he chuckles, then pulls his shirt back on. “You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” He says as he pulls the hem around his waist. 

“By now, I think I have an idea.” You smile back at him, and he chuckles again before bringing you back against his chest, cupping your face to pull you into a kiss. “God, you are somethin’ else.” He says, lips teasing yours. 

“Says you,” you smirk, pulling away. 

He looks down at you, chuckles, then looks back down the road. “Alright, we really gotta get going. We’ll find some clothes somewhere along the road.” He leans down to pick his pack up and sling it around his shoulders. “We already got a guardian angel lookin’ over us the way we were screaming out here. Jeez, we really did get carried away.” He turns to walk back down the road, looking at you over his shoulder with his hand offered out. 

“I’ll say,” you reply as you grab your back and trot up to stride next to him, slipping your hand into his with a smile. 

Swinging your hands at your sides, he smiles and chuckles. “Jesus, I really wasn’t expecting that from myself.” He lets go of your hand to instead link your arm over his. He hums a deep sigh, then says, “You make me feel dangerous, dangerous things.” You look up at him, twisting a smile around your face. He glances down at you, smirks and chuckles, then tugs you into his side as you walk. “You wanna know somethin’?”

“Yeah, what?”

“The first time I saw you, I knew you were special.” He chuckles lightly, “I was like, ‘Jesus, she’s pretty.’” He chuckles again, “‘I could fall for her if I’m not careful.’”

“Well I’m glad you weren’t.” You smile. “You wanna know something?”

“I do… what?” He asks, looking back down at you. 

“I’ve been wanting you to do me like that since the day we met.”

He pauses, looking at you, “No kidding?”

“No kidding.” You say, grinning, fluttering your eyelashes, hardly able to believe what’s in front of you now, that Joel feels the same way, that he wants you just as bad as you want him. “Jesus, I haven’t smiled this much in a long time. My face hurts.”

“That not just from smilin’.” Joel smirks down at you, and you feel your face going hot. Suddenly, he spins you around to hold you in front of him and leans into another kiss, then moves his head down further, biting your neck lightly. It’s painful, and you shiver, but smile. “Look at’chou, all marked up my me.” He whispers against your neck, and your eyes fall closed, another hot shiver running through you. “You’re mine.” He teases his lips along your skin, “Always gonna be a little bit mine.” He rubs his lips over your neck lightly before whispering again, “I want you. So I’m gonna mark you up,” you feel him smile against your neck, “make sure everybody knows. This cute lil thing over here? Nobody touch. She’s all mine.” Heart fluttering, you chuckle lightly,. “N’ I’m all yours.” He breathes out over your neck, heating up your entire chest, then plants a simple kiss. “And you know what? I don’t want just a little bit of you.” He bites lightly again, “I want all a you.” 

“I told you,” you breathe out, only able to get words out like that, “everything. You can have everything. I’m yours. All of me.” 

Joel nearly growls, whispering more against your neck, his hands sliding up your waist, “You have no idea how bad I wanna take you again, right here.”

You smile but shy away, grabbing his hand to pull to keep walking. Part of you wants him to, despite how ruined your body already feels; you’re obsessed with him at this point, but you try to keep yourself reeled. “Not here.” You tell him, “We gotta keep going. Find somewhere before it gets dark. Besides,” you bump your side against him, “I’d be shocked if you could get anything else out of you now.” Joel chuckles and you squeeze his hand, changing the subject, “I hope we find a town somewhere up ahead.”

Suddenly, you hear dogs barking, a lot of them, and Joel tugs you into the tree line. He pulls you to face him, his face now entirely serious. He raises a finger to his lips, “Shh.” Dripping with anxiety, entirely caught off guard, your eyes are wide as you look at him. You nod. You have no idea what these dogs mean, but it’s a threat, and your hand instinctively goes to your gun on your hip. He sees your hand move, then shakes his head no. 

“Don’t move. Be silent. And follow my lead. Ok?” He whispers sternly. 

You nod, brow pinched with anxiety, but you’ll do anything he says.

[kaddyssammlung]

The lyrical connection between Ascensionism

and that other video that was posted some other place when they reposted Ascenionism on their Facebook and Twitter.

I am being cryptical because I do not want to give things away that some of you may not want to read.

I do mention lyrics from that other video. I only mention lyrics!

No names! No faces! No link to that video even! Only lyrics.

So yes this is a spoiler alert!!!!!

The text is rather long and like I said about the connection that I see between those videos that they posted on the evening of January the 16th 2024.

Don't like? Don't read! That simple.

This is going to be a rather long one.

The short answer about the question why or how I see the two songs Ascensionism and Mud Angel connected.

First, Ascencionsim was reposted and also Mud Angel was posted to that old channel or rather that channel that is also Vessel's. At least that is what I assume. That is my first connection.

When it comes to the lyrics it's “you are going to watch me ascend” and “find me below the thralls of gravity”.

To ascend can also be understood that those thralls of gravity end or you set yourself free from them. Just to point this out thrall is often understood as a form of slavery.

Which we could debate about weather that is actually true or not. The first rabbit whole I ever went down was about finances, property and all kinds of things having to do with economics and also law. It was shortly after that whole financial crisis in 2008. For the sake of what I am writing here I will treat it as a form of slavery. Everything else is highly debatable and also just my opinion. I do not want to bore you with financial stuff.

What I learned from this: researching things on your own and thinking for yourself is important.

Maybe you can guess at this point that this may be a bit long. I'm sorry for that.

Another thing that I see connected is what our boy pointed out in the description of Mud Angel he wrote: “I know this place”. I think he means Eden.

Now you know something up front and I will dive into the rest.

Some things about me in order to understand where I am coming from.

Hey there I am 36 years old and I had quite the journey here on earth. I've struggled with addiction for almost 20 years but I was able to reconnect with something deep within me and I pulled myself out of this mess.

I have BPD. I'm begging to think that really I was born with this. Someone that I know explained BPD like this to me: it means being stuck between worlds and also not being really committed to live on earth.

I felt that. I do still feel that some days but most days I am fine. When you don't feel like you belong on earth and don't really feel alive but chronically empty instead you need extreme experiences to remind yourself that you are still in fact somewhat alive. That lead to SH, ED and alcoholism. And also I remember crying a lot and screaming “I want to go back home. I just want to go home.”

That home I was so desperately looking for I found within myself. I loosely refer to this as “spirituality”.

I do see a lot of these themes represented in the lyrics in general. That is just how I relate to them. I want you to understand this. That's all.

To me Eden is a state of being or a state of existence. It is a state of absolute abundance, peace and also connection. When I think about this I get a feeling for it. I know this state of existence. I'm familiar with it. I feel like we already had that on earth at some point but then it got lost somehow. We became slaves to the material world. That is symbolized through the apple in the Bible or well the apple that Vessel holds. Or even the ring in the Lord of the Rings btw. We are all slaves to this three-dimensional material world. We don't feel a real connection to each other because we have lost the connection to ourselves. Especially to our hearts and our true nature. To me our true nature is being a creator of our own reality, a divine being. But instead of knowing and living that we chase something that we don't even know what is. More money to buy more things? Not enough. Just not enough. It's never enough. Not thin enough, not rich enough.....a slave to the material world.

But I am not so attached to all of this anymore. I like sitting down and just focusing on my heart centre and in doing so to align my energetic centres of my body. It's called “heart coherence” what I'm referring to. I am re-establishing that lost connection to that Eden state again. Or well...I'm just meditating and have my hand on my heart. Because that is all I do.

Remember that in “Thread the needle” Vessel is holding an apple but then he kind of trades it for a heart.

To me this is exactly what I just explained.

Reconnecting with our hearts and our true selves and not paying so much attention on the material world anymore.

Back in the day, when there washarmonious life on this planet, earth looked different. “they have flooded my sanctuary, with hate chemicals and machines”.

The way that we live is not really healthy. Neither for us nor the planet. Seems like the “never enough” way of living that I referenced is the end of us in some way. And also you say that we have polluted everything or polluted that sacred place.

“I know this place”

I feel like that, too. I remember it. It used to not always be like that. There was peace, joy and abundance.

I also feel like I came here (not quite willingly) to remind humans of what we once had and what we lost and to recreate heaven on earth. To ascend.

I don't know how much you know about the different dimensions? When you go to bed and sleep you are in the 4-d-realm. When you wake up again then you come back to the 3-d-reality. That Eden type of state for me goes even beyond that I would say it's a five dimensional state of existence .

When you search on YouTube about these topics you will a lot about the fifth dimension. Most of the stuff is about what I explained.

To me this makes sense and I resonate with it.

We are ascending into the fifth dimension again. We are getting “this place” back or “Eden”.

You could also say that we are escaping the thralls of gravity.

To me personally I see this and I feel this everywhere. The magnetic field of the earth also looks like an apple by the way. It is chancing. But that's where it gets complicated because I don't know how much I can post on this platform about all of that. You could look up things like “pole migration or polar drift” if those are even the correct words. I do get lost for words when it comes to certain topics.

To me this only underlines what I assume but also that's just how the lyrics work. In other words: it's just my interpretation. But I wanted to you to understand where I take my assumptions from.

The magnetic field of earth and gravity have something to to with each other right....

All of this is also a rabbit hole btw.

And also I often feel all that. I just feel. On days where I am not totally dissociated thanks to my CPTSD I just feel nothing but a deep connection to all of you and to that divine state of existence. That “Eden state”.

Why did I bring up BPD? Because living all of this is really helping me. I am more and more surrendering to live on earth. I am starting to fall in love with life :)

To me both Mud Angel and Ascensionism are about: ascension.

Getting this place back, reconnecting with our true divine nature....all of this :)

Some things I feel like that may help?

When it comes to ascenion I like her channel at the moment:

About heart coherence:

For nothing is infinite to me = Nothing. Lasts. Forever.

And also....all of this is just my opinion based on what I know and what I have learned.

I forgot something:

[queerlilchinchin]

Pregnancy Announcement Reactions

Because I'm in the mood to talk about it and some of these reactions were just so damn precious I need to talk about them.

So, I'm under the 10 week "wait period" of being pregnant, where it's safer to be excited/announce that you're pregnant, but I've been telling some people, because I've miscarried before and I want to have some people that I can turn to if The Worst happens again.

So... here are some of the reactions from some of the people I've told.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Auntie (maternal figure): "Oh! Uh... how do you feel about that? Excited but anxious? Well, yeah, that's totally normal. But you're excited so I'm excited for you!" She was hesitant to be excited at first, I think because she remembers that this has happened before and when I miscarried, it destroyed me. It still hurts, 11 years later. So, that combined with the fact that I'm unmarried and with a man I've been dating a year and a half after an awful marriage, I think she was cautious to get too excited too soon. But in the end, she received the okay to be excited, so she was then happy for me.

Boyfriend (the father): *stare* --- *silence* --- followed by spoiling the shit out of me about 20 minutes later when the initial shock wore off and he could mentally function again (with an immense amount of apologizing over his initial reaction). We'd just had a conversation literal days before about how I've been feeling like he doesn't actually want kids with me and some deep-seated anxieties I'd been having about us and how our relationship was going (in my eyes), so I think that conversation being so fresh only to find out I was pregnant was... A Lot. Both of us realized it was a possibility but I don't think he actually believed it was true. I did. Sometimes a woman can just tell.

New Boss: Kinda similar to my auntie -- Hesitation followed by "are you... happy about this? Is it good?" When I said yes - "Oh good!" And then an exuberant amount of excitement. Apparently he LOVES kids and is really excited for me to become a mother, even though he just met me lol. We've had some pretty deep conversations since about parenthood and my past and stuff. He's a pretty good person to talk to about these things, ngl. -- anyway, I think he's almost the most excited person for me xD

One of my absolute best friends (and the first person I told after the dad): "!!!!! How do you feel?" Followed by lots of conversation about really personal stuff because he, too, knows about my past and the things I struggle with and listened to me vent about my worries and encouraged me. I don't know what I'd do without him. If you're reading this, thank you and I love you 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Old coworker that I'm also becoming good friends with: "holy shit congratulations" -- followed by catching up on life because it's been a little while since we've caught up xD

Boyfriend (the dad)'s mother: now this one I was anxious about because on Christmas, we made a joke to her and her husband that "we're making babies" when we went outside together alone and her hubby asked what we had been doing back there and her response was "I'd just better not find out the same way I found out last time" (he has a son)... she was perhaps the cutest of all (eventually). At first it was just a blank stare of horror. I got super anxious, thinking she was pissed at me, so I started rambling details about how long we knew, etc. and then once she snapped back to reality, she asked "is this... good? Are we happy about this?" I said yes, happy and anxious. She congratulated me and we chatted about her other grandchildren and how anxious I've been.

The best part of the last story is this: by the time she left the apartment (we spoke about it alone, btw. Mr. Daddy was at work (but permitted me to tell her by myself)), she was dancing away from the building (not after saying she was leaving to beat her son xD) and sing-songing "I'm gonna be a grandma again!" It was so... so endearing to see that in the end, she was happy about it. I genuinely thought she'd shun me or something. We've only been together a year and a half, but when she realized I was happy, she was too. And kind. And helpful. And since, she has helped with groceries twice. Today, I got a random message that she brought us food again out of nowhere, which made me laugh because I had just told my bf the day I told her, but right before we agreed to me telling her, that if she knew I was pregnant, she would be so much worse about spoiling us with groceries.

Guess who was right lol.

Anyway. Those were some of the reactions to my pregnancy announcements. I also had a couple of friends react to the news here on tumblr on my very first post where I talked about being pregnant, but I just wanted to talk about those.

I'm glad to know that this time, opening up and letting people I trust and love know the news, even if it's still in the risky time period of pregnancy, I know I'm supported. People that love and care about me have my back. If I get the devastating news again that I lose this baby, I won't have to deal with it alone again. I'll have people I can turn to that will be there for me, and that knowledge is everything. 🩷

Doctors and other people recommend not telling anyone you're pregnant until you're past 10 weeks because there's such a heightened chance of miscarriage, but as someone who suffered so drastically the first time I miscarried, I actually recommend telling people that you trust to help you through it if the worst happens, because it feels so lonely to go through it. I didn't have a supportive bf at the time. In fact, I'm pretty sure he purposely contributed to me having it... however, if I had let people be there for me the way that I plan to this time around... life would have been so much less horrible during that time.

I love you guys. I appreciate everyone that's there for me. 🩷 I can't wait to share this journey with my family and friends.

[d4t-webserial]

D4T: Page 7 (Lu POV)

//cw: ableist slur and depiction of internalized ableism// go here for more info on d4t

previous page

After telling her about his detransition she proceeded to ask a handful of follow up questions (they were pretty incoherent, and he honestly didn’t know enough..), he did his best to answer them until she just told him “srry for so mny questions idk if u can rlly give me what i wnt…for answers i mean! i think i  jst need some time to thnk” (so there’s still, a chance they stay friends, hahaha,,, he’s dying ;-;).

But actually tho what the fuck just happened? Lu was so confused… did Alice just ask him out, or ask him to ask her out… why? He’s so… subpar, how long had she liked him??? Her little brother always called him her “boyfriend” to tease her, but he thought the joke was cause of how… mediocre he was. He knew she would say stupid things to make him flustered but, but wasn’t that to get a reaction out of him (plus she teased all her friends). She always did sit close to him when they hung out (but like she’s a girl, girls hug and cuddle and hold each other's hands all the time… right?). Wasn’t there that guy she liked??? Was she playing a prank on him?... no she would say that’s cringe and lame probably… so she likes him. He still can’t begin to process that but, luckily he won’t have too! Since she now knows about how absolutely disgusting his body is she’ll stop having feelings real quick (yay problem solved ;~;)... this sucks, if she had just never liked him it wouldn’t have hurt this much, was she gonna grow cold… like… nvm, he didn’t want to think about that, he didn’t want to think at all actually… she was his only friend (unless you counted his roommate Tanner… he seems nice… they rarely talked tho.) why did he have to like her so much, why did she have to like him back! If she was just not interested he could repress and hide away his feelings as tho they didn’t exist, but instead she ripped his heart out of his chest and now that she knew… she would throw it away. In this moment he wished more than anything he could be a feather floating thru the wind not needing to feel emotions or have thoughts, just going where the universe takes him.

Alice was somewhat more distant than before, but Lu was surprised how much she kept in contact. They didn’t really talk about what happened, which was comforting. He didn’t need to worry about what to say or do to keep her in his life, it was as tho they had an unspoken agreement to not acknowledge it. One day she asks to hangout at his, it was just after a big test so his roommate was out at a party…

trashbag_minister (Lu): “sure thing”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “yay!”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “when wll u get here btw”

trashbag_minister (Lu): “around 20 minutes”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “❤️❤️❤️❤️”

.

.

.

She just sent him hearts, he thinks his brain is about to explode… did she used to send hearts?... he thinks so… maybe, but like it had to mean someth- no… no no no. He wasn’t going to do this, he was going to be normal. She’s his friend.

When he picked her up she waved to him and got in, the car ride was quiet, but that was normal (he was so bad at talking and driving). But when they got out she was a bit quieter than usual, she barely said a word until they got to his dorm. When they did she hesitantly started talking about her life as they often did, but it felt strange, like she was padding for time. After a couple of minutes of this he asked…

Lu: “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

Alice: “...”

she seems more nervous than he’s ever seen her

Alice: “yeah…”

(oh god, dear god, please let it be no big deal)

she is fiddling with the seam of her shirt ever so slightly

Alice: “I don't super know what your detransition means to you…”

Alice: “... i mean, i tried to learn, but there aren’t many… resources or anything”

Alice: “anyway i don’t know what it means, but i still like *you*”

he lets out a deep breath 

(thank jesus)

Lu: “Cool…”

Alice: “...”

Alice: “Do you… like me too?”

(shit)

Lu: “Oh… you meant like *like like*.”

Alice glares at him like he just said the stupidest thing in the world

Alice: “Yeah no fucking duh, also who says ‘like like’ past the age of ten”

Lu: “i don’t umm…”

Alice pulls back and once again becomes more timid

Alice: “Do you not? It’s okay if you don’t i… just thought you did…”

Lu: “No i d-do- i do, i just…”

Alice both looks affirmed and confused

Lu: “You shouldn’t,,n’t l-like me.”

Alice: “Why???”

Lu: “Be-be-be-cau-cause you can do better-ter…”

Alice: “That’s retarded!”

Lu: “L-Lys! You can’t sssay that!”

Alice: “Jesus fucking christ Lu, i… i just *fucking confessed to you*, and you respond with the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard, i can respond however the fuck i god damn want!”

Lu: “go-ju-Alice! I- it’s- god like you- you- you could- could have any s-s-ssself respecting man you want, you sh-shouldn’t se–se-set-t-tle for… *me*”

Alice: “I’m not settling, i *like* you, you’re smart and caring and sweet, why wouldn’t i like you.”

Lu: “Why *w-would* you! I’m a fu-fu-fu shit fuck god damn it! I’m a- I’m a fucking pathetic little shit preten-pretending to be a man, i-i-i can b-b-b-barely even s-sb-sp-speak, i…"

she rests a hand on him and looks in his eyes, he didn’t realize he was crying

Alice: “Are you okay?”

Lu: “...ye i just, it’s nothing, my brain is stupid sometimes”

Alice: “That's okay, i’m sorry for getting you worked up."

she smiles up at him

Alice: “I’m just… if you like me and i like you there isn’t any real reason not to date right?”

Lu: “But it’s more,, complicated than that-t”

Alice’s jaw clenches for a second but she takes a somewhat forced breath to relax

Alice: “Why? Why does it have to be?”

Lu: “Because of all the s–st-stuff i said.”

Alice: “But i don’t care about any of that.”

he pulls away from her

Lu: “I don’t even have a f-f-d-di-dick Alice… how would that- how would that even work”

she looks somewhat surprised at that, but responds quickly anyways

Alice: “Tons of people make that work.”

Lu: “But you shouldn’t- you shoulnt have too, your boy-boyfriend should be a real man not a tr-tr-trans girl in denial”

Alice: “You could be my girlfriend then, we don’t hav-”

Lu: “I don’t want to be your girlfriend!”

Alice: “...”

she looks down at her lap where her hands are gripping hard into her pants

Alice: “ok”

they sit like that awkwardly, tensely until…

Alice: “I want to go home”

.

.

.

Lu: “ok… can i go to the bathroom first”

Alice: “of course”

Lu walks into the bathroom, and sits on the floor. What was he doing? She was like the girl of his dreams, and more importantly, his best friend. Was he really gonna throw that all away because of… fuck, he entirely forgot what his point was. He was so scared. For almost a year now, ever since he detransitioned he just… accepted he would never be in a relationship again. But then Alice came in with her unending confidence and had the gall to just… like him, as he is… she didn’t care, not about his body, not about his brain, not about anything… god damn it. He walks out of the bathroom and sits next to Alice, when he approaches she seems to wipe something from her face…

Lu: “What’s wrong?”

(why did he say that jesus christ)

she looks at him like he asked her if she preferred drinking water or vegetable oil

Alice: “...nothing”

Lu: “mhm?”

she looks at the floor

before she could ask him to take her home he put his arm around her

she rests her head on his shoulder

(good sign… here goes nothing)

Lu: “You don’t have to say you’re fine.”

she looks up at him

Alice: “*I am fine*”

(she very obviously isn’t)

Lu spends some time trying to find the right words

(god damn it he is so bad at this)

he holds her cheek

Lu: “Look as your boyfriend, you should- you should tell me when you aren’t ok.”

Alice: “You’re my boyfriend?”

Lu: “I mean, even if i think you have bad taste, who would i be to deny the most b-b-gorgeous woman i-i’ve ever laid eyes on”

(that was the cringiest thing he’s ever said)

but she’s blushing very hard

Alice: “... i… you think i…”

she attempts to compose herself

Alice: “I don’t have bad taste, you’re very…”

Lu: “The point is you should tell me why you feel bad.”

she rolls her eyes but smiles

Alice: “I actually feel alot better now.”

(now Lu wasn’t so autistic that he didn’t *know* it was because of him before, but man did it feel good to hear her pretty much say she felt *better* because of him)

riding that high he kisses her once softly on the lips

Lu: “I hope that means you don’t have to go home right now, cause i,, i really wanna,, be with you a bit longer”

she responds by grabbing onto his shirt and nuzzling further into him

Lu can’t stop the massive smile on his face, as he hugs her tight. Nor does he want to, as he thinks about how lucky he is to be here.

[quigonswife8]

Saved: Leon Kennedy x fem reader

When you're saved by a cop called Leon Kennedy, he promises that he'll get you out of there.

gif creds: @gameplaydaily

Warnings: swearing, violence, sadness.

I finished the resident evil 2 remake yesterday and I love it!! I love Leon so much.

You are 20 in this btw, one year younger than Leon.

-----

It wakes you from your slumber. A large bang which rocks the building. The sleep still takes ahold of you, so as you slowly walk to the window to see what's happening, the sleep soon becomes non-existent. "What the hell..?" the next thing you do is quickly gather up any items necessary before leaving the room.

Trudging down the stairs and out the nearest exit you are met with screams- and then groans...unnatural groans. Surely that can't be human...right? Not even time to think on this you're pulled out of your thoughts by a *ding*, so with the phone you'd stuffed into your pocket, you quickly pull it out.

Once it's unlocked you tap on the message which is from one of your best friend's, Claire. The message seems to be typed quickly as it's not perfect, but what you read makes your stomach sink.

Claire: Can't explain what's happening but get to the police station. Will meet up with you when I can.

"What the hell is happening?" you question out loud while putting your phone away and looking around. The police station isn't far, only about a ten minute walk, but with all the shit that's happening, will you be able to get there in time?

You know you can't stay there, though. It's unsafe and you'll most likely die if you do, so the station seems to be your best bet. "Okay Claire." glancing at the apartment building, and then looking forward.

"I'm on my way."

-

Walking to the police station is a nightmare, to say the least. Those things practically surround the area, so you're forced to duck and weave in-between cars. At least you have a weapon to protect yourself if you're attacked, so that's good.

It's so weird to see the city in such ruins. Everything had been fine before you fell asleep, nothing like what was happening right now had been happening then. How can something like this happen so quickly? You do have a feeling the infamous Umbrella has something to do with this, as you know who they truly are.

Chris, your best friend and Claire's older brother, had nearly died on a mission. He'd been trapped in some mansion with a few other members of the s.t.a.r.s. team, and been forced to escape.

He'd told you everything, but one thing stuck with you. That was about umbrella, and how his captain, the man he'd served in the airforce with, the man he trusted had been apart of Umbrella all along. His name was Albert Wesker. He'd nearly killed Chris, Jill, and Barry, with this thing known as 'tyrant', but they'd thankfully escaped. So it's not a surprise if this is all umbrella's doing.

As you approach the station you notice how the lights that are usually on outside, have been switched off. That doesn't matter much to you, as the group of those things- zombies- are nearby eating someone.

Jesus

At least they're busy, right? As much as you feel bad for that person you know this is the only way to get inside. At least inside you'll be safe and you can clear your mind. "Hopefully Claire's inside." you mutter quietly as you crouch and then creep towards the building.

Groans get louder but you try and block the sounds out focusing on getting the hell inside. When you get close the sounds of them chewing nearly make you throw up but you refocus back in. Okay, it's right there. just within reach. Now if you can just get inside without getting attacked or, better yet, dying, then everything will be perfect.

Gripping onto the gun until your hand starts to cramp up you take a deep breath. Counting down in your mind, you give a quick nod. "okay." and then, without another second, you bolt towards the door. Groans and screams start up as they focus away from the dead body and to you, the perfectly alive person in front of them.

"Shit, shit, shit."

Reaching the door you open it- "no!" the door is locked. Locked. Out of all the places locked it had to be this place. Now as you hear the zombies groans as they move towards you, you resort to banging on the door.

"if someone's in there now would be the right time to open up!"

Banging quicker until your hands hurt.

"PLEASE!" but, as you come to realize, no one is going to help. Whoever is inside, if there is someone inside, probably think you're a crazy person and that it's safer to not open up. Banging against the door is useless so you decide to just stop and turn around to face them all.

Shaking you bring your gun up to shoot down however many zombies you can. There are 8, more than you had seen. Tears well in your eyes and you think of Chris- you wonder if his vacation is going well, and you think of Claire. Hopefully she's safe and she can escape this city.

Sucking in a sharp breath you get ready to fight to the death knowing that at least you went down with a fight. Bringing your finger over the trigger you take a deep breath and as you get ready to shoot, the door suddenly opens and someone's voice comes from inside.

"QUICK!"

Not seeing what they look like, but not caring. You simply back away nearly tripping over your feet but making it inside the station. Rushing backwards with the gun still gripped in your hand you watch as the mysterious person quickly locks and re-boards the door up.

The zombies practically throw themselves at the door so he holds his gun up, getting ready to shoot and kill if any were to get inside. Unable to say anything you simply look forward waiting for them to just leave, because your heart can't take dealing with any of them.

The one who'd saved you lowers their gun after a minute. He breathes a sigh of relief, and when he's certain they won't be breaking in to that part of the station at least, he turns to look at you. You who's eyes are wide with fear and you look like you've seen a ghost.

"Are you okay ma'am?"

He's wearing a uniform indicating that he's a cop. Unless he stole the uniform off some corpse, but you can tell he didn't. The stranger tucks his gun away, approaching you slowly as he doesn't want to frighten you. When he does stop, it's a "safe" distance away,

"Are you hurt?"

"No I... I haven't been hurt. I was going to be if you hadn't helped." blinking away tears and finally putting your gun away.

"Who are you?"

He seems around your age, maybe slightly older. You have never seen him around before so it's most likely that he's a new recruit. When he says what his name is, however, that's when you remember.

"Leon Kennedy."

Sometime before Chris went on vacation you had found out that a new rookie would be starting there in the next few months. Everyone was impressed by how high his marks were and were excited to welcome him. That rookie being Leon, of course, so you weren't wrong about him being a new recruit.

Now having remembered this information, you start to relax.

"It's nice to meet you Leon." stepping forward. "..and thank you."

"You're welcome, (y/n)."

Wait, how does he know my name? He notices your confusion, and decides to clear things up.

"Claire told me your name."

"Claire? wait, she was here?"

-

You learn that Claire had been with Leon when they arrived in the city, until they were separated. She'd told him about you, that if someone were to show up to the police station to let them in.

You learn that he was heading to racoon city to see what was wrong, and that's how he'd met Claire. He wasn't and still isn't sure what's happening but all he wants to do is protect and save. That's all that matters.

Now, as your break is over, you and Leon head off through the station.

-

You quickly shut and lock the door "Who the hell was that?"

"I don't know." he lowers and tucks his gun away. "...but I think we're safe for now."

Keeping away from the door as a safety precaution you lean down to catch your breath. Having dealt with zombies and these creatures that crawl on the wall, two that had nearly ripped you to shreds, you thought that was it. Until he appeared and you were sent sprinting down the hallway, thankfully finding this room to use as a safe haven.

"I can't do this." you admit, hands on your hips as you stand up. "...I just want to get the hell out of here."

"I know." Leon, having turned to face you, looks at you with sympathy. "...I will get us out of here." but what about that guy? You're both injured and need to recover in this room, but what if that guy somehow breaks in? Then you're screwed.

"Speaking of here."

You turn around taking in the room. Having been so focused on escaping you never realized where you had decided to escape to. The S.T.A.R.S. office, the place you would often go to when you'd visit Chris and would often say hi to his fellow team.

"Wow."

Even within the chaos this room seems to remain basically untouched. It still looks the exact same, even down to the way the desks are set up. Then you see it and without even meaning to you're already walking over and grabbing it off the wall.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah." you reply, feeling tears well in your eyes. Hugging the jacket you take in the smell. It still smells like him it's crazy. You're not sure when he'd hung up his jacket, but it still smells like him. It's good that he's away as he's safe [you hope], and not having to deal with all of this shit.

On the other hand you do wish he was there to comfort you. While he isn't a touch-feely type of person he does offer you comfort whenever you need it, and right now you really do. It doesn't even register that your sniffling until you feel a hand on your shoulder, and when you glance back with tear filled eyes, you see Leon staring at you with kind ones.

"I'm sorry." even though it's not his fault you're feeling like this. "...is there anything I can do?"

It's sweet that he's so carin, considering you'd just met less than three hours ago. If everything hadn't gone to shit you know he would have been a good cop, and the police department would have been happy to have him. Maybe things can still go back to normal and he still can be the cop he's wanted to be.

"...Thank you Leon, you're very kind." he takes his hand away as you turn, still holding onto the jacket. "...but you've done enough already." including how he'd saved your life, which you'll forever be grateful for.

In his opinion he's not done enough. Leon feels bad that you have to go through this especially since you're simply a civilian and he's supposed to protect people and make sure nothing happens. Though he often forgets that he's still young and shouldn't have to deal with so much.

Continuing to hug the jacket to your chest you place a hand on his shoulder for a moment, before walking off to search around the area. Leon watches you and he can tell that you're so close to breaking, and he doesn't blame you.

He watches you move about the room, and he realizes he needs to search too. Though he has one goal in mind, and as he starts to search, he doesn't forget about it.

We'll get us out of here.

-Time skip-

The train pulls out of the station and there's silence, except for the heavy breathing shared between you both.

It's finally over. After one hellish night you are on a train out of this city and to safety. After surviving against different creatures and nearly dying more times than you can count, you're finally free.

Leon sits to your right, while you lean against him. The jacket you'd grabbed from the station still with you, as it's wrapped around you.

"See..." his voice breaks through the silence, and as you look up at him, you notice how a small smile seems to grow on his lips.

"...I told you i'd get us out of there."

"That you did..." you owe everything to Leon, especially your life [you do owe Claire for that too as she’d told him to let you in. Not that he wouldn’t have, but you do still owe Claire your life too]

He'd been the reason you got through that night to live to see another day, and there aren't enough words to thank him for that. Though you wish there were.

Instead you smile up at him with a weak yet thankful smile, "Thank you Leon."

Despite everything he is able to crack a smile as he replies with "you're welcome", but there's something hidden in the way he says it, though neither of you decide to talk about that at the moment. Resting your head against his shoulder you feel as Leon leans more into your touch, and the two of you just get kind of cuddly.

Ready to fall asleep right then and there, the door in front opens, revealing Claire who's got a little girl with her. She looks at Leon, and then you, and while you don't greet eachother with open arms as you're both just tired, you do nod to eachother. You're together again, finally.

Soon some chatter is exchanged but soon enough the room falls silent again, and you head further and further away.

----

[froggos-art-corner]

Hey y'all remember how I said i would post writing stuff? Well here's a fnaf AU for ya!!!

So basically it takes years after the events of Ruin, the ending where Cassie seemed to have died but she didn't in this au since Gregory, Vanessa and Freddy went here and saved her [Also in this au the Princess quest ending is the canon ending for SB]

So basically a good couple of years later Gregory is 20 years old and Vanessa is somewhere in her 40's and Freddy has a full body cause when they saved Cassie, they all live in Ness's house [ima shorten their names] and Gerg is feeling guilt about hurting all of the other animatronics, so he wants to go back and save them but Ness is like ''Hell fuckin no'' but Greg goes and does it anyways cuz he doesn't want to listen to Ness <3

And Cass follows Greg there since she knows how to fix animatronic too [They both took engineering classes btw] but when they get there Cass shows Greg the Vanny mask and Greg puts it on and is like, ''why tf did you hide this?'' and she goes, ''Idk'' so they use the Vanny mask to get around and shit, but this time instead of showing the mimic or the glitch thing it shows Glitchtrap and only to Greg so Greg is confused but ignores him for now

But long story short they turn off all the animatronics and put them all ina area where they can get fixed Including Glamrock Bonnie along with Sun [along with his counterparts] and DJ and then they go home since it took them forever to find and to turn them off [especially since they don't like Greg LMAO]

When they get home Freddy is like ''Where the hell were you two it's midnight??'' and they answer, ''Dw about it bbg'' and he goes, ''Alr'' then Cass goes to bed and Greg looks for more information about Glitchtrap since he curious now, and during that he finds Ness's VR headset and he hides it in his bedroom then epps

The next morning he hooks up the VR headset to his TV and plays the HW game from the start, still finding Glithtrap in there and it even talks to him, explaining some things about the game and leaving hints about who he is, witch he is William Afton

Once he finds out who hes talking to is WIlliam Afton he's very confused, since yk William Afton has been dead for YEARS and William explains himself and twists the story so Greg will be on his side 

Something that had been going on as Greg had played the VR, Will had gotten more and more control of Greg without Greg knowing, but to everyone else in the house, something is clearly wrong with Greg but they cant identify what yet 

On one fateful afternoon tho, Ness finds the VR headset in Greg’s bedroom and Greg and Ness have a huge argument about it, to the point where Ness slaps Greg and Freddy has to break them up

As Greg progresses through the vr game, Greg and Cass fix the animatronics at the Pizza Plex one by one, getting them in working cognition but also finding out more about Will

The more info they find about Will at the PP [Pizza Plex] Greg finds out Will lied to him about the actual story witch causes Greg to get mad at Will but he's too far deep to break off from Will’s powers so he keeps losing his mind to the point where he's hearing and seeing things that aren't there, he even makes a bear suit so he could kill

But when Ness, Freddy, and Cass find out about all of this it's too late, he's in Will’s compete control and they cant do anything besides kill Greg, witch no one wants to do so Greg asks Cass t compete fixing the animatronics and then stabs himself multiple times with a knife in front of Ness, Cass and Freddy, witch they all cry over

But thats the bad ending

The good ending is where you fix all the animatronics before Greg loses his mind completely and he's able to fight off Will’s virus

[le-panda-chocovore]

What do you think are Aizawa and Yamada’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

So, I don't see many Eraserhead/Present Mic shipper, so glad when finding your blog...(Hope you don't mind I use the same frame from your satosugu ask)

P.s 1

Can I ask, why did you dislike BNHA ending?

I know it's anti climatic but for BKDK shipper (me) the last 20-25 chapters feels like out of some fanfics. I can't believe we got that many BKDK canon moments and no canon m/f ending... (Sorry if you're anti Bakugou or anti BKDK, please don't hate me)

P.s 2

Now, that we got the feel of JJK ending, which did you feel more disappointed, JJK ending or BNHA ending?

Sorry for the late answer, I completely forgot about this ask 😭😭

I don't post much about Erasermic because I'm far out of my MHA hyperfixation. I still love them obviously but I stopped being obsessed with them 2 years ago so you probably quickly get bored if you follow me for that kind of content

Why I love them ? Well, they're the moonlight x sunshine cliché trope, PLUS they're best friends to lovers !! They met in high school and stay together, Aizawa is kind of a tsundere and Mic constantly calls him out on that ! And they're really cute together. Also, they're liars.

Aizawa pretends he doesn't but he cares so much about people he's willing to risk his life to protect them. And he knows that. He knows it's bad and dangerous too, which is why he teaches everyone around him to not do the same thing. Aizawa believes in his people, he believes they can change, they can do better, and he believes most people deserve to be saved. He's actually a sweetheart.

Mic is way less nice than he wants you to believe. He's impulsive and says his thoughts out loud, and most times they're insulting. He's kinda selfish, which doesn't mean he's a bad hero btw. He sees villains as criminals, he doesn't respect them, and doesn't care about them. He's not very merciful or lenient. He wasn't going to give Shirakumo/Blackmist a chance. He accused Bakugo of fighting seriously during a fighting tournament. Of course he's not on an extreme level of grudge and resentment, but Aizawa is more willing to forgive people than Mic is.

They complete each other and I love that. I love how they changed during the manga. Aizawa started as a scary and strict teacher, and Mic looked like the cool and positive teacher. At the end of the manga, Aizawa keeps smiling and being so pure and lovely, while Mic is bitter and frustrated and sad, and can hardly bring himself to laugh. I love them.

A few years prior I would say much more things about them but I haven't read an mha fanfiction for a while so my analysis isn't that deep. Also I don't feel like answering the weaknesses/strength thing today.

Anyway, as for the ending, of course it's great for BKDK shipper, which I am a part of. And no I'm clearly not a Bakugo hater, he's one of my favorite characters, I love him. I also think he has one of the best character development in the entire serie. So, yeah, this is the perfect bakudeku ending, they're so sweet and cute, but this doesn't mean I like the Manga Ending as a whole epilogue.

I'd say I'm just not the target audience. I guess I forgot MHA was a classic shonen with power of friendship and all. Problem fixed and everyone's happy I guess ? It's cute on paper but I don't buy it. I think Hiroshima didn't realize how deeply philosophical his work would be. There're serious moral and ethic and politics themes showing that there is an obvious problem in the Hero Society and the only way to change it is to destroy the Hero Society. Not change it from the inside. Destroy it, the way they did in JJK when they killed the Zenin clan, the Higher Ups and Tengen. The ending seems nice, but it's very superficial, very idealistic. (Almost) Every villain is dead or dying but there's no major loss on the heroes' side ? All Might and Edgeshot are impossibly still alive ? They all go back to school after after the war, as if the public image of Heroes hasn't been shattered to pieces ? What the fuck is this nonsense ? It's not fair, it's not right.

There are entire arcs about the villains, their lives, and their convictions. I know more about Toga than I do about Jirou or Momo, and you're saying me the students win and live happily in the world they rebuilt ? The LOV members are still seen as awful monsters and their voice aren't shared with anyone anymore ? Don't get me wrong, I didn't want the league to win, but it would have been fair for them to manage to destroy something else than buildings.

It's an idealistic ending and I guess people need to believe we can change the world that way, so I'd let them that. You can like it, it was enjoyable, the same way the last chapter of JJK was. But personally, I don't thing that story should have led to that.

I don't really want to debate about it, like I said, I'm over MHA.

I'm not disappointed in JJK's ending because all I wanted was for this to end. I'm not disappointed with MHA either because I stopped having expectations a while ago. I think I like the JJK one better though.

[the-delta-project]

Follow my secondary @deathofatalkingfish !

I talk about bullshit, wips, and my other interests there! As a note there might be some things that border adult content (just because of Beastars lol), but I have no intention of putting nsfw on any of my blogs!

Rules: SFW Only! I do allow more darker questions, but for the love of divine please don’t do anything that’s downright weird, creepy, or nsfw. Any Zoos, p3d0s, or other weirdos will be IMMEDIATELY BANNED from this blog.

Premise: This is an Alternate Universe where they are all animals, while they can switch back into being a human, I will most likely draw them as animals (although idm if you request to see them as a Human.)

Basis: This is called ‘Bird Of The Market’; BOTM for short. It’s basically a God-Spirit AU that takes place in a distant Furture. Taking place on an Earth-like Planet; Kepler-452b (which is a real planet btw.) It takes place 1000 years after a war, although the effects are still heavy. Most things that still exist are minimal, most things are man made in this futuristic, but also stunted world. It’s overly hot, but over time; it’s slowly healing. Everyone (minus Moke) lives under the kingdom ruled by Solaria, Asterian, & Saros. (Might add them to the list at a later date, feel free to ask abt them though)

CW: Some posts may have Gore, Religious Trauma, Death, Horror/ Surrealism Elements

❌ - Fukase - Recoiler (although a wolf-like appearance they are an Equine (horses, zebras & asses))

🌸 - Flower - Saltwater Kelpie/ Kirin (A feline-like Equine)

———

Short Ver of Individual Notes:

Fukase:

Full Name: Fukase Uta (Deep River Sound)

A 33.000 (33) year old trans male. He works in a freak show time to time, mainly as a sword swallower or a Jester. Goes by He/lt

Height: 7'9 (As a Human) 12-15ft (As a Beast)

He is mostly made of metal, due to various injuries, 80/20 to estimate.

Flower:

Full Name: Flower (Hana) Gaku (flower music)

A 45.000 (45) year old, Masc, Agender person. Works as a gothic florist.

Specializing in the darker side of flowers and how they are put together.

Uses Its/it

Height: 9'1 (As a Human), the same as Big Al; 12 ft (as a beast)

[agentidiot]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks @justhallucinating for the tag 🫡🫡🫡

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 

23 atm but i'm planning at posting more

2. What's your total ao3 word count? 

129,910 ☠️

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now for peaky blinders but i used to be very deep in the rolling stones and mcu (and i still am just doesn't feel like writing for them)

4. Top five fics by kudos 

If There Is A Will, There Is A Way (mcu)

don't feed me, I will сome back (pb)

like real people do (pb)

Don't Forget to Subscribe (mcu fic that i translated to russian like 8 years ago ☠️)

lavender (pb)

5. Do you respond to comments? 

YES I LIVE ON THEM AND SCREENSHOT THEM AND LOOK AT THEM FOR MOTIVATION

but i used to be bad at responding tho cuz i was too shy ig

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

love is the death of duty but only because it's an open kinda ending. but i'm your man which is the ongoing fic i just finished and posted 1st chaper of broke my heart when i wrote the ending

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

pretty much all of them, apart from the ones i mentioned have a happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no which im really happy about

9. Do you write smut? 

yes

10. Craziest crossover? 

i haven't done any crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

no thank god

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

no but i did

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

kinda if dumping fic info to @justhallucinating counts

14. All time favorite ship? 

tommy/alfie and mick/keith. but. hear me out. that's might be controversial. but i'm stony shipper since the first time i saw avengers. i'm a stony shipper til the day i die. also wolfstar but mainly because fics are just too good (fuck jkr btw)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but you doubt you ever will? 

i so many but i can only think of two.

the 1st on is about modern tommy and alfie meeting at the margate's beach where alfie sees tommy walking his cat (yes dangerous is a bengal cat in this one) on a leash. also alfie went to margate to rest after chemo and tommy went there cuz his family talked him into taking some rest after he broke his scull.

the 2nd one is tommy and alfie meeting via chess app. and then they meet irl but alfie doesn't realise it cuz he never saw tommy's photos but tommy did. and he decided to not tell alfie that it's him and suffers greatly cuz of it

16. What are your writing strengths? 

god idk i wish someone would tell me that. smut comes very easily, dialogs too

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

HAVING. TOO. MANY. WIPS.

also i struggle with not established relationships like how the fuck i supposed to get those idiots together

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i sometimes put russian words in when i write alfie cuz well i know russian, he knows russian, so why not

and i don't mind it if it's in the fic i read until it's not like in the first pages of war and peace which is a crime against humanity. but well i haven't seen fics like that yet

19. First fandom you wrote in? 

harry potter ☠️ (FUCK jkr)

20. Favorite fic you've written? 

it's either places we came from cuz HELLO? BOTTOM ALFIE TO THE MASSES 2024 or don't feed me, I will come back which is the 1st one from baker!alfie au

that was really fun!! thanks again

tagging: @gimmeaglimmer @rysko

[howmanytimeshere]

I'm Neil (he/they) - I'm transmasc non-binary, bisexual, and I am in my late 20s. (I have many other identities and intersections, but right now am choosing just to focus on kin things here.)

This is a side blog, btw!

I'm somewhat a member of the old guard: I was active on the Therian message boards starting in 2007 although I awakened much earlier in childhood. I identified first as a grey wolf, explored both coyote and fox theriotypes (does anyone even use that term still? do we still call ourselves therians?) for a period of time, but have ultimately returned to wolfness. I think I came to the community right before the "you're not a wolf" trend, and thankfully everyone I met when I was young allowed plenty of space for exploration. I have gone through many shifts in how I understand it over time, but I have experienced wolf instincts and behaviors as long as I can remember and have generally felt non-human all my life.

I very, very strongly identified with the community for most of my adolescence and into early adulthood, and then it was if I had that part of my memory erased. I went Through Some Things and I don't know if it was that, the pressures of shifting into human adult responsibilities, or something else, but until recently I had lost conscious knowledge of myself. It's not that I grew out of it - it had all but disappeared. I've only begun to come back to myself, and it feels like I'm finally able to take a deep breath for the first time in years.

I'm still catching up on terminology as it's been a long time since I've been in therian and otherkin spaces, but for now I alternate between identifying as werewolfkin and wolfkin. I feel like I identify mostly as a wolf, but experiencing life as a wolf-alterhuman, I feel a strong kinship to werewolves and I go through lunar cycling. Werewolves and wolf therians were considered one in the same over a decade ago, and I'm still not sure exactly how I want to express it.

I've always skirted the Otherkin community as well, and for a period of time in my youth I identified as a vampyre. I still experience strong affinity and cycle between whether or not I am also a vampyre, although I have begun to feel like I have too many kintypes.

More recently, I discovered my angelkin identity, and I have been meditating on this development for a while now. It is still a new experience for me but I feel like it explains the heaviness of wings I have always felt, and has been with me as long as I can remember. I am still searching, holding out my hands in the dark.

I'm definitely have fictionkin identities, but I am just v tired and right now I am trying very! hard! to stick my fingers in my ears and ignore them. I know this is likely not good long term, but I'm too terrified to go there.

In many ways, this feels like a return to my first forays into the community, and I've been trying to allow myself to relax into the re-exploration phase without forcing myself to claim or avoid anything. I want this space to be a safe place to nurture my wildness.

I have been away for too long, and I am glad to be home.

[d4t-webserial]

D4T Extras: "Alice's Page 7"

//cw: transphobic, homophobic, and ableist slurs // go here for more info on d4t

She lays on her bed for a while sitting in her anxiety, unsure what their relationship even was anymore. After a while he responds to her text.

trashbag_minister (Lu): “it’s… complicated”

trashbag_minister (Lu): “i’ll try to answer questions as good as i can…”

She takes him up on that in fact she asks *alot* of questions, he doesn’t do a good job answering but she thinks that’s probably her fault (everything she was saying was pretty retarded). Thinking on it more she realized that her weird feelings about it probably was more about her than it was him. So she decided she just needed some time to think.

She couldn’t really talk to anyone else about this, and when she tried looking into detransition all she found new fun ways to hate herself. Now she only had access to google and twitter which might not be the best places to look, but she wouldn’t know where to find communities where trans supportive detransitioners (detrans people? detrannies?) hung out, people like Lu… even he said he didn’t know any other detrans people, not in person or online. So instead she just thought about it, she was kinda confused but she thought to herself “what would i want someone who had no idea what transness was to do”, he just… thought he was a girl, but wasn’t (right?). Did it have to be more complicated than that? He always treated her nice, he never said transness was wrong or unnatural. And he… expected her to leave kinda, like he didn’t say it he’d just say “i’ll understand if things can’t go back because of this” bracing himself for her to not be supportive, not be kind, she *hated* that, she hated that way more than she gave a shit he used to be a tranny. He was way too kind to need to have that reaction, like he didn’t *do* anything, not to her at least. He was just… himself.

She missed him, she wanted to be near him, and she wanted him to kiss her despite his gender bullshit. Hell if she was fine with him being a tranny why not be fine with him being a “detrans” boy, he was still *her* boy…

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “r u free today?”

trashbag_minister (Lu): “ye, why?”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “can i hang at urs?”

trashbag_minister (Lu): “sure thing”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “yay!”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “when will you get here btw”

trashbag_minister (Lu): “around 20 minutes”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “❤️❤️❤️❤️”

She was so excited, nervous too but more so excited. She was gonna tell him she liked him… again, but like… it’s different this time cause she knows he’ll reciprocate.

When he comes to get her, she remembers how pretty he is. She just… stares at him for a second but before too long she snaps out of it and says hi. It started to dawn on her how scary this was, like she *thinks* he likes her but she doesn’t *know* he likes her, what if the detrans thing was his way off getting her to back off. She continues to spiral about this until Lu tells her they arrived at his campus, she tries to put the words together in her head as she gets to his dorm, but by the time she’s there she hasn’t gotten far. She realizes as she was about to talk that just coming out trails blazing talking about it might be… awkward (she wouldn’t want him to think she just came here to get with him… she really does miss him). So she tries to make some meaningless conversation but…

Lu: “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

Alice: “...”

(god damn it! stop being so fucking observing you bitch)

Alice: “yeah…”

his pretty brown eyes are staring into her soul

(okay… here goes nothing)

Alice: “I don't super know what your detransition means to you…”

Alice: “... i mean, i tried to learn, but there aren’t many… resources or anything”

Alice: “anyway i don’t know what it means, but i still like *you*”

he lets out a deep breath 

Lu: “Cool…”

(cool?!? the fuck does that mean)

Alice: “...”

Alice: “Do you… like me too?”

Lu: “Oh… you meant like *like like*.”

(this fucking retard…)

Alice: “Yeah no fucking duh, also who says ‘like like’ past the age of ten��

Lu: “i don’t umm…”

(fuck fuck fuck… she shouldn’t have assumed she’s so fucking stupid)

Alice: “Do you not? It’s okay if you don’t i… just thought you did…”

Lu: “No i d-do- i do, i just…”

(SHE FUCKING KNEW IT!!!)

Lu: “You shouldn’t,,n’t l-like me.”

(oh-no what gayass shit was this faggot gonna say now… he’s lucky she finds him so cute)

Alice: “Why???”

Lu: “Be-be-be-cau-cause you can do better-ter…”

(THATS RETARDED)

Alice: “That’s retarded!”

Lu: “L-Lys! You can’t sssay that!”

(shut the fuck up you stupid virgin bitch)

Alice: “Jesus fucking christ Lu, i… i just *fucking confessed to you*, and you respond with the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard, i can respond however the fuck i god damn want!”

Lu: “go-ju-Alice! I- it’s- god like you- you- you could- could have any s-s-ssself respecting man you want, you sh-shouldn’t se–se-set-t-tle for… *me*”

Alice: “I’m not settling, i *like* you, you’re smart and caring and sweet, why wouldn’t i like you.”

he looks like he can’t even understand the language she’s speaking

Lu: “Why *w-would* you! I’m a fu-fu-fu shit fuck god damn it! I’m a- I’m a fucking pathetic little shit preten-pretending to be a man, i-i-i can b-b-b-barely even s-sb-sp-speak, i…

he’s never stuttered this much before, he’s crying and she doesn’t know why, so she just reaches out to him

Alice: “Are you okay?”

Lu: “...ye i just, it’s nothing, my brain is stupid sometimes”

(she already knew that, but he seems to be talking about something else)

Alice: “That's okay, i’m sorry for getting you worked up.

Alice: “I’m just… if you like me and i like you there isn’t any real reason not to date right?”

Lu: “But it’s more,, complicated than that-t”

(don’t blow up on him)

Alice: “Why? Why does it have to be?”

Lu: “Because of all the s-st-stuff i said.”

Alice: “But i don’t care about any of that.”

he pulls back and looks a bit away from her

Lu: “I don’t even have a f-f-d-di-dick Alice… how would that- how would that even work”

(oh shit)

Alice: “Tons of people make that work.”

Lu: “But you shouldn’t- you shoulnt have too, your boy-boyfriend should be a real man not a tr-tr-trans girl in denial”

(trans girl in denial?)

Alice: “You could be my girlfriend then, we don’t hav-”

Lu: “I don’t want to be your girlfriend!”

(she feels her insides twisting)

Alice: “...”

Alice: “ok”

after a while she says

Alice: “I want to go home”

.

.

.

Lu: “ok… can i go to the bathroom first”

Alice: “of course”

Lu walks towards his bathroom

Fuck… why was he being so retarded. Did he hate himself so much that he can’t even allow someone else to love him, fuck… did she love him… no not important, he made his feelings known, if she does she’ll… stop. She *wanted* more than anything to say all the things to make him reconsider, but it was his choice. She couldn’t *make* them be together. Fuck…

when Lu returns she wipes the tears from her face

Lu: “What’s wrong?”

(she’s gonna kill him)

Alice: “...nothing”

Lu: “mhm?”

he puts his arm around her, and she lays her head on him

(why did he have to be so comfortable)

Lu: “You don’t have to say you’re fine.”

she looks up at him

Alice: “*I am fine*”

he clearly doesn’t believe her

Lu looks like he’s trying to tie a knot with his tongue

(why does he have to talk, can’t he just let her have this)

he puts his hand on her cheek

(mgddfmnsafsdm)

Lu: “Look as your boyfriend, you should- you should tell me when you aren’t ok.”

(what the fuck is happening)

Alice: “You’re my boyfriend?”

Lu: “I mean, even if i think you have bad taste, who would i be to deny the most b-b-gorgeous woman i-i’ve ever laid eyes on”

(since when did he have game?!?)

Alice: “... i… you think i…”

Alice: “I don’t have bad taste, you’re very…”

Lu: “The point is you should tell me why you feel bad.”

(he’s so stupid, it’s great)

Alice: “I actually feel alot better now.”

as he hears that he smiles and kisses her

(bfvbwjrbwfkregbhvbdhsmbrhfbiwsfkvbsfjh)

Lu: “I hope that means you don’t have to go home right now, cause i,, i really wanna,, be with you a bit longer”

she responds by grabbing onto his shirt and nuzzling further into him

Alice is so giddy. She has a boyfriend, *Lu* is her boyfriend. As she buries her face into him she thinks about how she never wants to leave.