#how fucked is that?! IM NOT A HE! its so condescending to treat someone that way what the hell?! 😟

[woomycritiques543]

I swear, I could go on Twitter and just comment “man, I wish that the character development was better! :D” and I would still get shit talked and blocked for it.

I need to stop going on Twitter so often, honestly. Not very good for my health :(

[w3ven]

Did i scare you..

18+ Cory Cunningham x fem.reader TW- knife play? “fear” placed on reader (idk)small age gap

this is my first writing ig so if anyone even finds and send request about what doesn’t have to be him :3sorry i’m very illiterate so there isn’t really punctuation and sorry for spelling please understand

“happy halloween kid” is blaring over the loud speakers “my fucking head” you mumbled you have a raging headache you pick ur head back up and cover your ears ..you some how get the school day done with you get home and take a shower as you are in the shower you hear someone come in the house you think it just family so you don’t pay attention to it you get out the shower and wrap a towel around you and open the bathroom door and walk in to the hall you listen and hear no one talking so you yell “hello are you guys home?” no response you walk in your room and see someone on your bed “ what the fuck corey why are you here” you say he looks you up and down “ you are dripping wet” he says as he gets out of bed “get the fuck out you perv are you a professional stalker. you know this is probably why you have no friends ” you are saying as you push him out your room and slam the door in his face “ i take pride in my work” he says in to the door so i can hear him. me and corey have an interesting relationship first off we have an age gap i’m 18 and he is 21 not bad but i’m in high school but we have been best buddies for a while now and i’ll admit it i’m attracted to him but he is a creep. you throw on a tank top and sweats and open the door he is just standing there “get lost” you say as you are about to close the door again but he holds its open “it’s halloween remember” he says giving you a condescending look “ what do you wanna go trick-or-treating” you say as you roll ur eyes “ yes i do with you” he replies “ this sounds like a weird date i should reject” you say as you walk over to ur bed and lay down he walks in and stands next to the bed he is silent you look up and him and see him admiring your body you feel ur stomach get hot and tight • what the hell is wrong with me• you quit get up and try to brush off how you just felt “ fine i’ll go but i have nothing to wear” you say with your back to him then you hear him walking over and he grabs your hand and pulls you out you room down the stairs and outside and he opens the passenger said door to his car and tells you to get in without asking you get in he get in and start driving “ where are we going “ you look and him “to the halloween store to get you something” he says as he speeds up we get to the Store he gets out and opens your door “i’m not going in there im wet and have a take top on im freezing” he takes off his thick hoodie and give it to you “come on” he says as he walks in to the store you can’t help but smell it before you put it on you slowly walk it to the store it’s basically wiped out i mean it’s Halloween you walk over to the womens section to see him there already looking there isn’t much left and all of the costumes are like .. revealing and sexy “ see anything you like” he says as he looks at you “ i’ll just be a black cat” you grab a black leotard cat ears and a tail he takes it from you “i’m paying because i am making you go so” he walks the the check out and pays you were going to protest but he had a point you guys get in the car and go back to your house he drops you off “i’ll come back in a little bit i have um….some things to take care of be ready when i come back” he drives off you get in and see your mom and little brother in the kitchen eating your mom summons you to the kitchen you go in the kitchen “ are you going somewhere” she says looking at the bag of clothes in your hand “yea um i was going to go trick-or-treating with my friend” you say she smiles and says have fun you go up into your room and realize you still have his hoodie on you smile •god why am i so happy over his hoodie• you take the hoodie off and put it under your bed •he isn’t getting this back• you get into your costume • i look like a slut•

you do your makeup and grab one of your hoodies and lay on your bed and wait your mom yells up the stairs that she is taking your brother out then she leaves it’s now 8 pm you are thinking about just getting changed and not going but you hear the front door “corey is that you” you slowly walk down the stairs and the light are off “are you trying to scare me” you walk in to the living room trying to find the light then all the sudden you feel someone grab around your waist and just as you are about to scream you feel there hand cover your mouth you instinctively bite down and hear “ow you fucking bitch” as they let you go “ WTF COREY” you say as you turn the light on “did i scare you?” he says “no you didn’t “ you say obviously lying “that’s a lie i felt you shaking in my arms” he mocks you “are we going or not” you roll your eyes “yea come on let’s go” you go outside with him and started trick-or-treating about an hour goes by you are having so much fun “where even are we” you ask corey only to see he isn’t there you keep looking around cuz you have no idea where you are then you hear a faint voice coming from the woods sound like corey so you walk in to the woods “ you better not be trying to scare me again” as you walk deeper and deeper in to the woods you get more and more scared you seen the abandon house it’s doesn’t look too abandoned though there is a light on in one of the rooms “ corey i’m so i’m scared i cant do this ok just come out please” all the sudden you feel a sharp cold pain in your leg you look down to see you leg has been cut pretty deep and is pouring out blood you try and open your mouth to scream and you try to run but your leg has you fall you the ground you start to crawl away towards the abandon house you look behind you for a second and you see something you never thought you would its Michael Myers in the flesh •i’m dead for sure• he gets closer and closer you try to move faster but you can’t get away he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder the only words you can manage to get out are “ corey please help me please “ you knew he wasn’t going to hear you he continues to carry you upstairs in the abandon house you start to cry he slams you down on an old mattress but with new sheets blankets and pillows •why is everything new?• you don’t have much time to think about that he gets on top of you and start you cut off your costume you try to cover yourself but he puts the knife to your throat you put your hands back down he starts playing with your tits he slowly works his way down to your underwear he cuts them off of you “you are dripping wet” he says • that voice no it’s can’t be• “corey..?” he takes the mask off “yes my love “ he answers “what the fuck is wrong with you i’m leaving” you sit up “oh no your not” he slams you back down on the bed and puts the knife to your throat “do you know how fucking long i wanted this do you know how many nights i have fantasize about you i’m not letting you just get up and leave now and don’t think i’m clueless i see how you act to just admit it you like me” he says you look up at him with fear in your eyes “your so hot when your scared” he says as he unbuckle his pants you close your legs as tight as you can “come on be a good girl for me and i won’t have to hurt you” he says you can’t help put get that feeling in your stomach again he separates your legs and positions himself at your entrance and pushes himself in “you are so tight and wet just like i imagined it to be” he groans out you bite down on ur bottom lip trying to be quiet “come on it’s ok i wanna hear you don’t make me beg” he starts thrusting in and out fast and hard “please slow down “ you whisper “i can’t hear you” he says as he brings his self closer to you “please slow down “ you say again “ not a chance in the world “ he says as he begins to make out with you and slamming in to you harder and faster with every thrust you let the lust take over and started to enjoy the pain and pleasure he was giving your body you don’t want it to end you become a moaning mess “ i’m going to cum”

you moan out “go on then dont wait for me” you release yourself and you hear him moan and put out “looks like we did the same” he gets up and puts his pants back on “ did I scare you” he asks “n-no” you reply such an obvious lie “ your shaking says otherwise” THE END

[miscellaneous-ruminations]

it feels so bad to talk to him. i feel so miserably ashamed of feeling bad talking to my own partner. the times we talk to each other and it goes well are diminishing in frequency, and i feel like he’s turning into another person before my eyes. i don’t know what to do with this person who dislikes me, dislikes spending time with me, or likes me but hates me? he treats me like a hated little sibling, always getting in his way. i’m not even treated like his friend. why does this happen to be how he does it. we need couples therapy. i need therapy. ive had the tome of my life without him. i dont know whats happening.

and yet he claims he needs me and clings to me whenever my negative reaction gets too obvious to ignore. he takes on this expecting to be punished attitude and im like am i even here to you? are you even experiencing my presence? it feels like he’s living in a monologue and is just talking with a version of me that he controls, and punishing me when i don’t adhere to it.

IVE FELT LIKE MYSELF WHILE HES BEEN GONE!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE WHEN HE COMES BACK WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

and yet i love him and i miss him and i dont

i have been making excuses for him for three years. no if ands or buts. i have been making excuses to people whose opinions i care about more than his. i have lost my own good opinion.

why do i have to worry about the giant fight itll be when i get upset that all he can talk about is his fomo when i bring up my fun things.

i realized that i dont even really talk anymore. he dominates every conversation, and aside from literally just jokes and the occasional deep conversation that he treats like derailing his day, the expectation is that i will be there to be his everything and not have my own life. not have my own friends. not have my own interests. i cant go to anything without him. and he has the excuse of being my ride.

and oh, when hes at his best and functioning normally he can act rationally and be “generous” and “let” me go without him, but the second hes even a littleee insecure about ANYTHING and i can pry him off me wothout a fight where he paints me as a bigass overreactor while being the one who cant let the fucking thing go!!! what am i supposed to do!!!!!

we let outselves get really entangled really codependent at the beginning. i wont pretend it wasnt mutual. but in spite of that i feel like im the ONLY ONE TRYING TO GET US OUT OF THE DEATH SPIRAL

why am i the only one trying

why am i the only one trying

and he says im reading too much into this that im being unfair but you cant “its not that deep” your way out of this you bastard. because there is a point where it is that deep. where i leave the confines of this relationship and cant contribute to someone who wants to hear from me because im used to being the silent spaghetti wall. when im not contributing ideas because im worried about that GODDAMN CONDESCENDING “WELL YOU DONT GRASP THE SOCIAL ELEMENTS OF THIS” SMUG ASS FUCKING…… AOUGH

YOU WOULD NOT HAVE DATED ME IF I WAS NOT SOCIALLY ADEPT. I AM BEING HELD TO NEUROTYPICAL STANDARDS NOT ETHICAL AUTISTIC ONES AND I AM TIRED OF SUFFOCATING UNDER THE STANDARDS YOU HOLD YOURSELF TO BECAUSE THEYRE COMFORTABLE. THEYRE NOT FOR ME. IM NOT ENTERTAINING IT ANY LONGER

HE HAS GIVEN ME A SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER. I CANT STEP AWAY FROM IT!!! I HAVE NO FRIENDS THAT I CAN BE MYSELF WITH WITHOUT HIM INTERFERING AND INSERTING HIMSELF. AND HE SAYS HES FINE WITH IT HE SAYS HE IS AND THEN ILL NEED TO DO NOTHING BUT BE IN THE ROOM WOTH HIM WHILE HE SEWS AND WASTE MY EVENING BEING A SEXY LAMP!!!!! AND IF IM ANGRY OR FEEL USED OR ANYTHING ELSE IT TURNS INTO A FIGHT WHERE IM IGNORED IN FAVOR OF TALKING ABOUT HOW SAD IT IS THAT HE HAS THIS INFURIATING DEFENSIVENESS AND HOW HARD IT IS FOR HIM AND HOW MUCH HES TRYING. BULL SHIT! NOT FUCKING BUYING IT!!!! ARE YOU CHANGING? ARE YOU TRYING??? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE SOENDING ZERO TIME AND ZERO CONSISTENT EFFORT ON CONSISTENTLY NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE TO ME

AND ANOTHER THING!!! HIS OCD RULES THIS FUCKING HOUSE!!!! THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO AVOID THE FACT THAT NO JOB I EVER DO IS ENOUGH HE WANTS TO BE MATRON WITH ME AS THE DELEGATE BUT I CANT FUCKING GET IN THERE BECAUSE WHAT HE ACTUALLY WANTS IS TO DO IT HIMSELF

I NEED HIM TO GET MEDICATED FOR HIS OCD AND PTSD IT IS FUCKING RUINING *MY* LIFE. AND I DONT THINK HE CARES. I DONT THINK HE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT HIS IMPACT ON ME TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I THINK ON SOME LEVEL HES LIKE WHERE WOULD HE GO.

and thats so fucking dangerous. he can justify fucking anything with that. and i will not be a part of it. im building my own fucking life back and if i encounter resistance i dont like the shape of he can start taking a fucking backseat. if he wants to be my friend he can start acting like my fucking friend again. but until that time hes my mentally ill shithead boyfriend. who i love. god help me i love him. g-d, help me if i need to learn to leave him.

[shaaaaaaar]

hi it is 1 am and i am here to complain

i’m really fucking tired of people treating me like i’m soft or fragile or innocent/naive, that kinda stuff. it’s been a thing for most of my life no matter how much i try to prove its not really true, and its so frustrating. because i’m easily startled and i have anxiety, i’m some fragile boy meant to be protected and whose too soft for stuff.

most people don’t actually mean any harm with it. the concern is good willed and comes from a place of kindness, but ends up feeling condescending. i’ll be shielded from anything mildly scary and i won’t be told specifically why but it’s pretty easy to deduce that it’s because the tone is horror or it’s mildly violent or whatever. the sensitivity is appreciated, but it often is either over exaggerating things i’ve said i don’t like (for example i don’t particularly like gore but that’ll be overblown to like. someone avoiding telling me about shit like yandere sim. because people die. exclusively me.) or shit i’m fine with but there’s a darker tone so “he wouldn’t like it”. a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like there’s consideration for me specifically and instead an assumption of me not liking darker-toned stuff.

a lot of the time people treating me softly comes off as patronizing. something that really sticks out to me is i was asked recently to hold onto something while a person left for a moment and got told that the thing i was told to hold was there to protect ME. the legal adult. an inanimate object. another one is i’ll be told for HYPOTHETICALS i’m not allowed to have sharp objects because “i don’t trust you to not accidentally cut yourself”. i’ll be told i can have blunt objects, but nothing sharp. i’m always characterized by being weak-willed or the anxious one and… it gets very tiring. especially when none of this treatment is given to anyone else, only me. it gets noticeable.

another part of it is i tend to be less harsh on people. i try not to be too judgemental and harsh on people, maybe to a fault (i’ve got more shit to work on than that). so when i run into assholes, i’m treated like the innocent “too sweet for this world” guy because im… not a dickwad to people? i had a friend group once who all became friends bc they made a groupchat to complain about basically an entire community of people. i had nothing to add with complaints (even if i did wanna rant to the extent they did, i barely knew the people they talked about), i was just willing to listen and found it morbidly interesting. hindsight 20/20 i should’ve figured these guys were assholes (and christ they were assholes) but that isn’t the important part. in that friend group i was ALWAYS treated like the little innocent bean and if i knew something mildly fucked up it was a shocker. which got exhausting.

at the end of the day its because i have anxiety problems. that’s the smoking gun. anxiety has always been a part of my life and mine is considerably worse than a lot of people’s nervousness. with my friends i’m the guy who has “more anxiety problems” and i don’t like being boiled down to that sure but i agree that i have a lot. but frankly, being treated like i’m weak actually makes me feel more anxious. because it leaves me feeling pathetic and humiliated. being treated like i need to be protected only serves to make me feel either defenseless or disrespected. i’m well aware that i’m not a weak person. i’ve been aware of this for a long time.

yes, i am a more sensitive person. sometimes i’m pretty fragile. i get nervous very easily and treating me more gently isn’t exactly bad because the gentility is mindfulness of my sensitivity. there’s a line, though. because at some point it stops being sensitive and becomes being patronizing. it stops being mindful of my anxiety and becomes making me all about my anxiety. cradling someone with anxiety, or at least cradling me, isn’t the solution to anything. it makes things worse and only serves to solidify the notion that i’m weak. to be blunt, being sensitive, being anxious, hell, being fragile, doesn’t mean being weak. it doesn’t mean i need to be protected and my world needs to be baby-proofed. i mean hell, i spend a lot of my time trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone because what’s the point of baby-proofing? nothing will change.

ironically i have no clue how to go about actually telling people this (despite the fact i’ve had the intention to find some opportunity for months now) and somehow i’ve ended up on tumblr at 1 am rambling about it. which isn’t solving anything. i really do need to go about that because it’s important

ok it’s 2 am now so i’m leaving bye

[jakowskis]

a day in the death time!! quite a few interesting differences. i already knew about a lot of this stuff bc i read the torchwood magazine on the episode, but it was still cool to see the script in its entirety

first order of business:

this writer seemed to have a slightly skewed view of certain parts of owen's personality... namely, he's not the type to fake a smile; if he's miserable, everybody's gonna know it. and he wasn't trying to find happiness in the coffee thing, he's not resilient like that. he tried to adjust to it, which shows some maturity bc i think s1 owen would've thrown more of a fit, but all in all it's just... not quite the right take on owen. i think that's the sort of thing that happens when a bunch of people work on a show and there's an extended universe and the writers don't work closely together, because the way torchwood as a show is, there's like... thirty different versions of owen. this feels like owen in the books or something, where he's just... Off

we see this misunderstanding of the character pop up here; originally in this scene, owen grabs tosh and kisses her. he's a little more sadistic, and a lot nastier; the script describes him as looking scary in this moment.

i adore this ep and i... think i like this writer, i know he did deadline and that's a good one, but this script feels... weird. it's got less heart in places, and a bit of flashy meanness i very much dislike. we see it with owen there, and that same sort of unnecessary cruelness pops up with jack as well. i always hated the way he treats owen after he meets him on the dock. like, owen just tried to kill himself, and the two things jack does when he finds him are 1) flirt with him, and 2) ask how much longer he's gonna "do this for". i think owen should've gotten to kill him again for that lmao.

we were spared yet another instance of it. im a owen/ianto/jack shipper, so this makes me slightly happy on that note cuz erm wtf jack - but also it like... fucking sucks. there's that callousness again, the utter disregard for owen's mental state, jack feeling fucking inconvenienced by it (and i'll never understand why he has that response to it). he's soo fucking cruel to owen. but then to make it worse, he once again offers up a soullessly flirty line, and then physically condescends him with the hair ruffle. like??? come the fuck on. i can see why it got left out. it's the wrong tone, it's tasteless, and it's mean. (however. i will always be amused by the fact owen's canonically into ianto, yet ianto repeatedly expresses he's not attracted to owen. ahahaha)

ok some other little highlights

bored kid :) at another point he's referred to as a bored schoolkid. the legs swinging visual is adorable

i dont really have anything to say about this one i just like the vibe of it. the idea of owen grabbing someone's hand and letting them feel the way there's nothing there. ive been working on some owen/andy stuff maybe ill borrow that concept lol

there's a lot more of the owen & parker convo, i liked some of the stuff. i reallyyy like owen's preoccupation with choice here, because that's a recurring thing with his character that compels me. he's doomed by the narrative, but he doesn't want to be. he's conscious of it and he desperately attempts to rewrite it so he can control his own fate, but in the end he doesn't get to, either time. he keeps trying to off himself because that'd be taking some control back, getting to go out on his own terms, and he's thwarted every time. and when he does die, it's not fair, because nothing is. "not like this!" it haunts me a bit.

i also like this moment. i assume it was cut because they already got into the same thing with maggie and her husband, but i like owen finding comfort in another person sharing something nice they once had, and i really like him admitting that that's what he's doing. it's a humanizing little moment for him, because he's usually not someone who experiences freudenfreude very often.

love this. there's that stuff about choice again, about taking the power back, a fuck-you to the universe that's treated you like a chew toy. there's something about the way owen's suicidality feels spiteful that hits close to home for me.

oh hell no not a fucking "i love you" "i know" that's FUCKED. fuck off

martha's departure originally didn't feature the hug between owen and martha, which is one of my fav moments. i do wish we got this little bit of gwen throwing an arm around owen. i always loved how he holds her at the end of kkbb and it would've been nice to see her support him in the same way here

tiny little owen + ianto solidarity moment here awe. also 565... has. has there been 500+ tw agents?? if so that must include tw1 agents. they probs excluded it cuz irrelevance + they didn't wanna think about all that fdshfjkd

and lastly............. but most importantly...........

BUENOS DIAS OWEN!!!

s2 time! i'm not gonna be as thorough with it as i was w s1 bc i'm not a huge fan of season 2 ff but here goes

(this post's gonna be tosh/owen + some fragments talk, then i'm gonna reblog with a day in the death stuff, and then ill make a separate post for adam bc. woo nelly. that one warrants it.)

so lets start with the tosh/owen differences. a lot of their little scenes in s2 are markedly different - mostly as far as body language. there's a surprising amount of physical affection between them.

four separate occasions (eps 3, 4, 8, and 9) where there's physical affection between them in the script that didn't make it into the episode. i find this intriguing. tosh and owen are both very... non-affectionate people. both of them could be, with someone they loved romantically, but they don't strike me as the type of people who like to cuddle with their friends. they're both naturally very aloof and non-touchy, which makes that casual physical touch very ooc. i imagine that's why it didn't end up on screen. i figure the writers here knew the show was meant to push the tosh/owen angle in s2, but it's interesting to me that it ended up being a lot more subtle and... awkward in the show itself. i've already said i'm not a towen fan, for many reasons, but one is that there's just... zero chemistry between them (in s2, anyway). every interaction is forced and uncomfortable. it's weird enough that i was thrown off by it for a long time and couldn't figure out what the show was trying to do with them, lmao. i know that their awkwardness probably appeals to some people, and is cute or smth, but i dislike it personally. mostly i'm just petty the show reduced tosh down to that relationship tbh but whatever.

i can't help but wonder if they had this casual physical affection with each other, and if it fit in and didn't feel ooc for them, if i would like them as a couple more. but honestly i have thought about what the show could've done to make tosh/owen endear me, and i don't think uncharacteristic physical affection would be it. i do like that first scene, the way their communication styles clash a bit and they don't know quite how to talk to each other. i like owen awkwardly trying to comfort her, i love when he does that, how it's like a baby deer walking for the first time fhsdjfkds. im very endeared by the way owen's empathy is either out of nowhere and all-consuming, or something he has to force and is awkward about wielding. whenever he tries to be kind it's very tentative, because it doesn't come natural to him (anymore, at least), but he does care enough to try. i'm so fond of it. also hes sooo nd ehehe. tosh too.

will say this: i do appreciate owen getting hugs. he does need it. tosh needs it too. if the team WAS physically affectionate with each other they'd be better off, i think.

two more tosh/owen things...

see, this is what i mean when i say i couldn't tell what the show was doing with them. the SHOW can't even tell. this whole scene is written very vaguely, with little insight into owen's head, like the damn writer doesn't even know why he finally agreed. this is probably my, like, fourth favorite tosh/owen scene, which isn't saying much, 'cause i still don't really like it. it's cute in like, three spots, but mostly it just feels... weird. i don't understand what burn was intending with his acting choices, because owen comes across as insincere and slightly snide. it's weird and gross, and it rubs me wrong. i don't know if he's trying to be casual and play it cool or something, but the way he laughs at her makes me wanna punch him. the way owen treats tosh is just about the only place i legitimately can't stand him.

one last bit about it. see, 'fondly'. in the actual scene, i would describe the way owen looks at her in this moment as.... amused (at her expense) and slightly condescending. like he thinks she's laughable. it fucking bothers me. which sucks because i wanna like them, i do. i think they could be compatible. but the way he treats her in canon is nauseating and i can't get behind it.

right, and then two fragments moments i wanna discuss

all i really wanna say here is again (as mentioned in my end of days talk), chibnall didn't specify owen crying or anything, but he spends his whole segment of this ep in tears. point is i wanna thank burn gorman for the way owen constantly is teary eyed and miserable, with those big pretty brown doe eyes of his. it means the world to me. thats all

actually it's not all cuz i also wanna point out jack grabbing owen to stop him instead of owen collapsing into tears and sobbing into jacks chest while jack holds him. the dead man walking script similarly didn't specify the physical touch between jack and owen in the three places it appears, so i imagine that was largely something decided by the actors... i'm very compelled by the three separate instances where we see owen attack jack one minute / at one point in the ep and then sob in his arms the next. their relationship is sooo unhealthy fff

[palant1r]

ok fr tho im still thinking abt how someone commented about godot being a misogynist on my godot thirst post....makes me think about how this fandom keeps having to hash this out. like. i have a few thoughts about this

1. godot's misogyny is a bad translation. we all know this. he was condescending to franziska for being a child, not a woman. because franziska is fully 18 years old. thats a CHILD. a BABY

2. godot still does exhibit misogyny in the text, but you have to have media literacy skills beyond "man said bad thing therefore bad" to read it. low bar to clear. anyway i could talk for a while about how he thought of mia as needing protecting and how that was a condescending viewpoint to take, seeing her as someone who needed a man to protect her, but i kinda dont need to here. guys, it's a complex character flaw of his. its deeper than "man sexist so don't think he's hot"

3. edgeworth LITERALLY calls mia a novice bimbo to her face, even though she's older than him with just as much experience. thats textbook misogyny right there. and yet godot is called out for being sexist WAY more than edgeworth. now, if we all put our heads together and think really hard, maybe we can come up with some difference between godot and edgeworth that could explain this discrepancy in how they're treated...

4. don't interpret point 3 as me saying edgeworth should be cancelled. he was funny as fuck for that

5. godot is the finest man in the series end of question. and 67% of that appeal is how fucking weird he is

[cometcrystal]

work saga updates cause i haven’t posted abt any of this yet and a lot has happened

cause i know at least one of you reads this shit. will be split into 3 parts

mute money incident 

i was the vault custodian that week and i was gonna take up mute money that day. mute is short for Mutilated and it means money that’s too gross/beat up to give out to customers, but is still real money and full enough to accept in deposits n shit. in the vault, we put them in straps marked with highlighters, so we know which ones to ship out to the feds

i was gonna do it the way another teller had done it before: gather enough bills to sell a full strap, with the mute money inside, and mark it with a highlighter and just sell that to the vault

head teller (im gonna say HT to keep it easier) says that’s wrong and i shouldn’t do it that way. according to her im apparently supposed to have each teller sell each individual bill they have to the vault and then i swap it out, swap it out for a good bill that’s inside an already- mute strap (cause they’re never 100% full of mute money), and bring it back (i.e. five 1s, three 5s, etc).

note i am still tense w her from smth she had done the previous evening

so im like Ok I Guess and start writing down how much each person is getting rid of on a piece of scrap paper. which makes sense right? cause if i’m gonna be bringing it back, i need to know how much to GIVE back.

HT sees this, takes my paper and crumples it and throws it away without asking me, and tells me i need to count it. i am upset and i said i WAS counting it and that’s why i had the paper. but apparently i have to hand count it every single time

also im apparently not supposed to give any back to the other tellers and im supposed to sell it back to my box when ??? like.

im trying to sort out this misunderstanding with her and truthfully arguing a bit because she is treating me like a child! and she looks at me and goes “do you want to learn or not. do you take this job seriously. because this is how we do this, and if you don’t want to learn, i’ll call [retail op specialist] and we can find someone else.”

so im abt to go inside the vault and shes like abt to come with me to help SWAP THE BILLS OUT and i was like i think i got it.

so i go in there alone and have to take a second and lean my head on the counter bc i am abt to start crying from how upset angry and insulted i am. she was just 100% talking to me like i was 5 years old and being EXTREMELY fucking condescending to me about the whole thing instead of just... explaining it. i have never once cried at work and i dont cry often in general. but she had nearly pushed me to that point.

when i go back out HT says “see that wasn’t so hard was it” in this I Told You So voice

so abt 20 minutes later i call her into the then-empty manager’s office so i can sit down with her and talk. because i am a petty person but im not abt to lose my job so i wanted to clear shit up w her.

TLDR i said its not that i don’t want to learn, it’s that the way you talk to me is condescending and it makes me feel like you think i’m stupid. and she said sorry and that she would try not to talk like that anymore, she was just frustrated cause she felt like i was arguing with her. so! i assume shit is cleared up

apparently, the next day, when the girl i learned the original mute money technique from came to work? HT pulled her aside and talked to her abt it and told her that we wouldn’t do it like that anymore here. and apparently! this bitch told her “apparently dott just doesn’t want to learn”! after i had that WHOLE conversation with her because i was trying to be a fucking adult! so i guess shit ISN’T cleared up!

and the funny part??? last week was HT’s rotation week so she was gone for the entirety of our new manager’s first week. and the other teller talked w the manager (MN for short) abt mute money and u know what she said????

SHE SAID JUST SELLING IT IN FULL STRAPS WAS THE EASIEST WAY SO THAT’S HOW WE’D DO IT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

new manager

she officially started monday of last week, but had stopped by friday to get her keys and to introduce herself

HT is EXTREMELY angry that she didn’t get the position and she doesn’t hide it very well. and i like. i get it she’s been here for 10 years but also. just bc you’ve been here 10 years doesn’t mean 1. you have desk experience needed to be a good manager 2. you have the personality to be a good manager

anyway. MN is AMAZING and i love her. in her first WEEK, we got her putting her foot down but doing it in a considerate way, which is WAY more than could be said for our previous one, and is DEFINITELY something we need with HT. she’s very intelligent and i have very high hopes for her.

for one thing, TLDR we were cashing checks for ppl that weren’t there and had sent someone on their behalf, and we had apparently done that for a very long time but i never felt good about that. MN shut that down REAL quick as soon as she saw it happening, and the customers were all chill about it! literally the only issue is gonna be HT being upset that we’re changing that

the other big thing is its own section

Oh You’re GONNA Deposit It

so this one guy comes thru friday before last wanting to deposit a check into his business acct. let’s say his name is john doe, and the check’s made out to jack smith. jack has NOTHING to do with this account; he’s just one of john’s customers.

obviously we can’t fucking do this bc the check is made out to a completely unrelated person and not the business

i explain this to john doe and he immediately gets angry. hes like “oh youre GONNA deposit it.” with venom in his voice @ me. and i repeated myself. and he said “IS HT THERE??”

he’s asking for her because HT babies all these damn customers!! they’re spoiled as shit because she bends all these rules for them and then both of them, customer and HT, get angry when policy is cited at them

i was like ok! i’ll be right back! and i showed it to HT. and she goes over to talk to him. and even SHE tells him “we’re not supposed to do this” so she’s like “we’ll do it this one time because it’s a small check and you’ve been here forever, but we CAN’T do it again.”

SO EVEN HT HAS TOLD HIM THIS.

next friday, john doe calls in and says he has another check made out to jack smith that he’s gonna deposit. and if there’s any issue with it, he’ll close all his accounts out. like. ok lol

so he comes by and i do his first deposit for his personal bc it’s fine and then i pick up the business deposit and sure enough. another jack smith check, this time bigger.

so i don’t even talk to him, MN comes over to do that. she tells him the same thing i told him the previous week. he 100% straight up starts YELLING at her. not just raising his voice, YELLING. i can’t remember the exact convo but she hands the deposit back bc hes telling her to give it back and he speeds off

abt 30min later we get a call from someone at the call center just wanting to know the situation bc apparently he called them abt it and they told him the same damn thing we told him LMFAOOOO

so then an hour after THAT i pick up the phone and it’s him! he sounds calm and collected. he very politely asks for his account info because he’s gonna get stuff together to close all of his accounts and he’s gonna come by to do that. im like ok sir

he never comes by that day so idk if he changed his mind or if he’s planning to do it this week

the moral of this whole story is! this entire week is going to be extremely entertaining because HT’s reactions to all that MN has done so far (ALL GOOD THINGS!) is going to be extremely funny and vindicating! shes gonna be like “I’M GONE FOR A WEEK AND YOU LOST [COMPANY THAT’S BANKED HERE FOR 30+ YEARS]???” YEAH BECAUSE HE WAS BEING A MASSIVE CHODE GOOD RIDDANCE

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

Im trying to catch up to C2 (im on ep 61) and Im having a really hard time liking Fjord. Idk what it is, if im just annoyed cause i dont think he should be the leader or because hes kinda condescending (to Nott and Jester especially) but god. Its making me really sad, i dont wanna dislike anyone. What r ur thoughts on him? Maybe it will help me change my views on him a little?

Huh, interesting, I had a hard time connecting to Fjord too until after the pirate arc! I genuinely love this half-orc now, so let me try and say why without any spoilers…

He’s an impulsive idiot! Fjord keeps himself under wraps a lot of the time, but whoo boy sometimes his desire to Touch Things like, say, a magic mirror in a pocket dungeon, or unnecessarily provoke, for example, a blood ritual in a creepy underwater cave, gets the best of him. He’s genuinely curious! He wants to know what things do and why! And sometimes he is dumb about it!

He really and truly cares about the group, and he’s pretty darn loyal to it. He was pissed off with Caleb for a long time after #Scrollgate, because he took that as Caleb not really being invested in the group. It was only after Caleb came right into the lion’s den with Nott and Beau to save him, Jester and Yasha that he warmed up to Caleb again. The group is very important to Fjord, and he relies on their support a lot, even while he’s not sure it won’t be taken away from him.

He actually does appreciate what the group does for him! I’m not sure how much it showed, but he was very thankful to Caleb and Beau for saving their asses in the Avantika clash, and to Jester for being kind about his tusks. He’s been growing them out because of what she says to him! I think that’s very sweet. What the Nein does and says to him, all their little and big gestures, are ones he takes to heart.

I think the biggest barrier that stops people connecting connecting to Fjord is, well, Fjord. He’s a very closed off person! That made me suspicious of him early on, but it’s become clear that he’s always been massively insecure about who he is and tries to put on a brave face. Knowing his stoic-ness is rooted in him believing that opening up to people will make them like him less makes Fjord a lot more relatable and sympathetic.

On the leader front, Fjord also very much does not want to be the leader. I think he’s said or at least hinted that pre-ep 61 by saying something along the lines that he’s “happy not to be captain anymore,” and Travis said in Talks Machina that Fjord really had no idea what he was doing when trying to act as a captain, which is where some of his dismissiveness came from. Fjord was straight up bluffing. Again, I think knowing that he’s also confused as fuck about what to do and just acted how he thought a leader should act paints him in a better light there.

Him and the way he treats Nott and Jester! After ep 48-49, the snippiness with Nott is both well meaning and mutual. She and him get very comfortable with bantering back and forth, and she actually starts ragging on him a lot more than he rags on her! If you look at that like the bickering sibling relationship it is, it gets a lot less frustrating. Believe me, the condescending relationship between Fjord and Nott is firmly established as a two-way street at this point lmao.

Jester and Fjord! This one is a bit harder to pin down, but I think Fjord is very aware that Jester has a crush on him, and he doesn’t know how to act around her sometimes. Because this is not a shippy blog, I won’t speculate on whether he likes her back, but it’s very possible. Fjord has never had someone like Jester support him so continuously, and I promise you he appreciates Jester and her encouragements and compliments.

In the end, Fjord is just very bad at showing his true feelings, which is what leads to him being hard to connect to and appearing condescending or aloof. He’s slowly improved on this front over the campaign so far, and by ep 61 has already had a fair bit of growth, though I can’t remember how much he’s shown it yet. I promise you Fjord gets some very overtly sympathetic moments soon, and I’ll be curious to see where you stand once you’ve caught up!

[angel-archivist]

h heres the story,, 

mm some angst: the day had been stressful as hell for cyrus, it felt like everyone was out for blood for day, and that GODDAMN headache wouldnt go away! He sighed and rubbed his temple as he slunk over to his dorm room. Finally some rest. he flopped onto the bed and felt himself begin to drift of, his vision went red for a split second startling him awake. "what the fuck...." suddenly a sharp knocking sound pierced through his ears and his headache grew worse. right... he forgot he had to study with Dominic... He pulled himself off his bed, he realized he was still in his gym uniform but he didn’t give a shit at this point. "hey...man. whats up..." 

        "Hi cyrus!" as bright.. and cheery as always, he mustered up a smile. "sup man..." "ready to study the shit outta some english!" 

 "no" 

"too bad!" he walks into his room with the books and sat down at the normal table smashed in the corner, over the course of dominic tutoring it had aquired a lot more junk, some old pizza boxes and candy wrappers, along with a few cds that dominic had brought to show him. Cyrus himself even pulled out a relic of the past a walkman that his grandma had given him. It was ancient, but dominic was into that stuff so he thought he'd enjoy the horrible quality music. he did. Cyrus slunk over to the desk and sunk into a chair slouching and slamming his feet on the desk. "bro" 

 "dont say bro what is it the 2000's again?"

"phff someones in a mood, ok lets open up to chapter 5!" cyrus gave a long drawn out sigh as he reached into his bag and yanked out the crinkled cover of "the westing game' "Alright so you should've read chapter 5, tell me what happened!" 

 "i dunno some bomb or something went off, turtle almost...died?" 

"kind of!" he cracked a frustrated smile 

 " yaaaay im not a total dumbass..."

 "cyrus are you ok... seriously?" 

"im...fine next chapter..." 

".........if your sure! so! did you find any similes or metaphors" cyrus felt his face grow red, he had forgotten to do that, his vision went red again and a shooting pain went through his skull.

 "FUCK FUCK FUCKUFKCUFKC" he screamed, in frustration he stood up.

 "oh shit! Cyrus are you ok" dominic had a genuinely concerned face he stood up with him like he was going to hug him or some shit. if that dick wad even tried to touch him hed beat- whoa..whoa calm down he said to himself. his vision went red, he suddenly didn't feel in control. 

 "hey...its ok... we'll figure this out, if you didnt find them, ill help you!" he put a hand on his shoulder. bad choice. his head slowly came up and his eyes were level with domonics. " cyrus.....?" he punched the other boy smack in the face. Domonic stumbled backwards and let out a cry of pain grabbing the area that had just made contact with cyrus's fist. he stared at shock at the other. Cyrus was breathing heavily and glaring at him. "I'VE NEVER GOTTEN IT AND YOUR 'HELP' WONT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE, I DONT GET IT AND  I NEVER WELL. I DONT NEED YOUR CONDESCENDING SMILES OR YOUR LITTLE PATS ON THE BACK. " Dominic choked back a sob. hearing his friend cry brought cyrus back his vision was normal again and he stared at shock at his friend. A bruise was already starting to form under his eye and although he had only just started crying aloud there was a silent trail of tears that seemed to have been there for a while his eyes were bloodshot and  he looked in fear at cyrus."oh..oh my god dominic im so sorry, im so so sorry" he went to touch him and the other boy flinched away, he silently grabbed his bag and ran out of the room, leaving his copy of the book lying on the desk. cyrus stood in shocked silence, thank god he didnt use full force....he could've broken dominics skull..but...this was some how worse, he sunk to the ground and let out a small sob. Dominic ran through the halls trying to avoid being seen with his new bruises he almost ran into simon. "Dominic shit man are you ok!!!????" he ignored his cry, he needed somewhere private. Now. He ran into the boys restroom and slammed the door behind him, at this time of day the restroom was usually abandoned he went to the corner behind the stalls and sunk to the ground. Suddenly, he heard footsteps, he looked up hesitantly when they stopped in front of him. It was liam... "oh my god... dominic are you ok... wh- what happened to your face..?" he looked away embarrassed, he laughed a little. "oh...nothing just a little tutoring mishap is all! nothing a little water cant fix!" liam stared at him. "cyrus did that to you." "ha- whaaat dont assume...." "That ASSHOLE. hurt you didnt he!" "liam...please..." "Please go beat his face in? Sure! Let me get arana. we'll make that bas-" "STOP. its...ok..." "listen dont go back there...hes always treated you like dirt" "you know thats not true liam" he stared at the ground not wanting to look liam in the face, he furrowed his brow thinking back to how cyrus acted, "it didnt...SEEM like him.... hes not known for his temper...but he got.. MAD.."liam was quiet, he crouched down and pulled dominic into a hug. "im so sorry...i'll be right back with some ice cream" "sounds unhygienic" dominic laughed grabbing some toilet paper from the stall next to him. "its not like im gonna dump it on the ground and make you eat it there" liam flashed one of his rare smiles and hurried out of the restroom. he sighed when he closed the door behind him. He had to find Mr. Gray.                               . . . Mr. Gray at this time, had been enjoying some tea in his study when he suddenly got  a sharp knock on his door, he looked up from the highlights magazine he was reading, b/c the principle confiscated all of his....other magazines. He stood up and answered the door. "Yes- oh! Liam~ You look well!" " Gray. What did you do." "Im not sure what you mean kiddo?" "what did you do to Mclee." "that cyrus kid? oH nothing! He should be fine in an hour, i just thought we needed to, make sure dominic didnt have any doubts about whose side hes on in this fight~" "..................the kid PUNCHED him!"The professor simply shrugged and smiled going back towards his seat, "well we cant have him making friends now can we?" 

[neutralvlddiscourse]

In defense of Sheith: Power imbalance, brother figure, truth about media influences

Power imbalance is an argument used by Klantis against Sheith. It states that Shiro is 7 years Keith’s senior and his mentor, which warrants it an unhealthy ship. The argument is perfectly logical, but it remains abstract in nature. I will be using the argument in an abstract manner against Klance first, then I will be addressing the theory’s application in reality.

Power imbalance as a argument falls to invalidate Sheith as it will also invalidate Klance. Power imbalance is found in all relations, from friendships to relationships and familial relations. There are also instances of power imbalance in Klance, for example, Keith is known to be a superior pilot compared to Lance, while Lance is known as the sharpshooter of the team. Keith is held in higher regards for his piloting skills, which causes Lance to express some of his jealousy and bitterness through his verbal skills. Keith almost never defend himself against Lance when Lance makes fun of him because 1. Keith can’t be bothered/sees the truth in the abuse that Lance had hurls at him and thus doesn’t fight back (his character studies/metas often cite his insecurities as the reason, so essentially, Lance is poking fun at Keith’s insecurities eg calling him a dropout) 2. Lance often passes off his insults on Keith as a joke and thus other characters (including the audience) believes that it is simply a banter between characters and does not think twice of such incidents. It may seemed like a joke but they stays on Keith’s mind. eg his vlog talking about how he couldnt connect with people

The underlying power imbalance is due to Lance’s wit and the fact that he is pro-social. He knows the Vol-tron cheer because he hangs out with other people (it is a group cheer so one is only introduced to it in a group) while Keith doesn’t and thus he doesn’t know the cheer. Keith’s cluelessness is stemmed from his ignorance of cheering, a people-activity that he had unlikely been a part of, so Lance is more priviledged in that aspect. Keith’s ignorance of said cheer was also the joke in that scene, and Lance had mocked him with “we will work on it” like Keith is an idiot and that he was supposed to know what Lance was talking about. It was a scene where the audience laughed at Keith, and since Keith doesn’t understand what’s going on, he is not laughing along, and that’s a code red when it comes to jokes. One can joke at another’s expense if it is consensual and that everyone is having a good time. Furthermore, it is an issue that Keith brings up probably months after that incident and blamed it on the fact that HE couldn’t connect with people, not because people didn’t bother explaining/teaching him how to better socialise. Lance’s superior wit and social skills had been used against Keith in this simple scene.

(before yall lance stans get on my ass ill let you know that i love lance, but what he did wasnt very nice. yes it is just a kids show, but sheith is being held to a high pedastal while lance isnt. it is just hypocritical to dismiss this incident as a case of abuse due to power imbalance just because you love lance.)

Now onto addressing Shiro’s mentor status and his brotherly role. First of, I believe that it is not the best idea for one to date their mentor/brother figure as it is a breeding ground for grooming, however love also means trusting that said grooming doesn’t happen, love also means to not groom. A simple example, your parents are far wiser than you, older than you, richer than you etc but they don’t use it to groom you (unless they are abusive). People are not passive objects that let theories unfold on them, we make choices to not hurt others. An abled body person has certain priviledges over a physically-disabled person so that does mean that they aren’t allow to fall in love and get married? That is ableist and condescending towards people who are less priviledged.

From a more psychoanalytical POV, dating a brother figure is considered to be rather perverse, but we must be reminded that modern psychology is built on extremely Western values/culture. In Northeast Asian culture, it is perfectly normal and romanticised for a 3rd year high school male student to want to date a 1st year high school female student and vice versa. In my schooling experience, some pre-teens and teenagers have formed pacts where they address each other as a brother/sister and care for each other as such. Some of them also ended up dating their ‘older brother’. This clique behaviour is paralleled in Western alternative culture where wolf-kins form their community and goes around doing stereotypically wolf stuff and treat each other like brother/sister in their pacts. This pattern is believed to aid in teens’ identity-formation and thus normal in puberty, where teens try to find themselves outside of their home/family which could include forming familial ties with other non-family peers. Given Keith’s age, this could explain why he said that Shiro is like a brother to him, it is basic teenage psychology and if you don’t know bat shit about it and assume that Keith thinks of Shiro as a literal brother, then you’d be pretty dense. He could have been just expressing a hyberbole to get his intense feeling across during an occasion where someone he loves is literally leaving him, he’d express his deepest feelings for Shiro to stay.

In Western vocabulary of sexuality, it is often commented upon men that they’re ‘a daddy’, or ‘an uncle’, or ‘a bear’. (okay granted uncle would have been more in niche communities and you might not have heard it before but im just trying to make a point here) It doesn’t mean that someone literally wants to fuck their dad or a bear, but rather the person they’re describing bear attributes to maybe a dad or a bear. One may argue that ‘oh you’re fetishizing bears/fathers’ and no, they’re not, they’re fetishizing a trait associated. I am an Asian woman so I know fetishization and its impact better than most of yall Klantis. I know fully and well the impacts of fetishization but fetishizing bears/fathers have no social cost. (also data on klanti’s overwhelming white demographic: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeNLlB64PD9k0bxG1bw3Crq5DE_VQhY_on_orWtuGIogN9gAQ/viewanalytics)

In Northeast Asian vocabulary of sexuality, ‘father’ and ‘bear’ are unheard of, but ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ are. (Feel free to correct me, I got my sources from reality TV shows/dramas lmao media shapes sexuality so it is valid evidence) Nobody wants to fuck their siblings, in fact, they think that it is really gross. It is like watching those sister-centric anime and be like “oh shes hot” but when they think about their actual sister they’d be like “lmao ew wtf my sister is gross af” and they will start listing at least 100 things about their sisters that they hate. Again, people are not passive objects that just swallow whatever media tells them. In fact, media can be used to deter such perversions. Eg if you are a child and you’re watching some serial killing movie, you parents would frown upon and condemn it. This is socialisation, where one sees something and then process other’s reactions to it to cement their beliefs. If you see pedophilia on TV and everyone around you are like eww wtf, you’re most likely to follow it as we are social creatures.

This is why I am fuckin pissed when Klantis attack Asian artists. We have different values/different take on sexuality. Just because modern psychology (with Western roots) says that it is perverse to date a familial-figure doesn’t mean that it is universal. (Therefore I argue that psychology is not an empirical science and the argument that Western Klantis propose are not to be applied to Asian Sheith shippers.) PLEASE LEAVE ASIAN ARTISTS ALONE. Stop forcing your values down our throat under the pretension of ‘progressiveness’. It is fucking insulting, condescending and racist. You have already colonised China, is it not enough? Do you have to force our beliefs to be aligned with yours, whilst disregarding our cultures? Are you seeking to colonise our minds? 

(If you still don’t understand why I am outraged, just read Freud and how psychology came to be, please, stop being so ignorant and harasse people for it. I will be addressing Klanti’s arguments from a sociological POV in my next post)

note: part 2 is justifying power imbalance since i kinda digressed on western vs neasian shippers out of anger 

[butchtaurus]

When will i shut up abt this tbh? hopefully after this… god damn.

Now that it’s been days since the supergirl sdcc incident. i wanna try talk about it more comprehensively? I’m not so good with words or expressing my feelings but i feel like i need to try and understand. I’ll probably forget things i want to say lmao. It’s probably gonna be SO LONG, I’m so so so so SORRY!!!!!!

So, people are mad at Jeremy and Melissa for “making fun of a popular f/f ship.” And while on the surface it seems exactly that, it partially was. But i don’t think the words yelled at us, and it was at us because he looked directly at he camera while doing it, “THEYRE ONLY FRIENDS” was the problem. It was that a fanbase made of many young LGBT people were singled out. Now the intent on Jeremy or Melissa’s part may not have been homophobic or meant to hurt in anyway, they felt they were joking around. But they still did hurt a lot of people.

My interpretation of this “joke” felt like they were poking fun at me for believing two female friends could more than friends and that it was silly to think that. In Jeremy’s first apology he says how its valid how he interprets their story. Which is absolutely correct! He can view them as only friends, no one’s gonna make fun of that. Cause… thats canon? lmao. Part of fiction is allowing the consumer to interpret the work however they see fit because whats the fun in being told what the fiction or art means?

Maybe the cast was tired of being asked about Supercorp, but why was it brought up unprompted in this song recap like that? Jeremy could’ve sang something like ‘Kara met Lena and they became best friends!’ done, perfect, move on. Everything woulda been chill. But instead he faced the camera, which breaks him apart from the interviewers and his cast mates to talk to us the fans, and yelled to the camera.

Onto the rest of the interview because that song was not the only thing that made me disappointed and/or angry.

The interviewer asks about shipping (Kara and Lena). Jeremy chimes in and says “I feel like I’m gonna get destroyed for what I just did…. I’m sorry. I just debunked supercorp.” And Melissa says “That was pretty brave.” And I THINK, that’s where others got really mad at Melissa. I do not think Melissa was saying Jeremy was brave for “debunking supercorp” but that it was brave he just said any of that shit, because the cast has to know how insanely loud this fanbase as a whole is, usually not in a good way. (I’ve never seen it, but i just know people have to be sending death threats to multiple people in this cast, or insulting them in some way when its none of our business. Valid criticism aside.)

Then, the interviewer asks a weirdly worded question towards supercorp as a ship. “Are you caught off guard when you hear about, sort of, [what] fans are making of relationships, seeing stuff that is or isn’t there or might be there, et cetera? Like what do you make of it at this point?” Which, since listening to that fandomentals podcast, does throw me off because it puts everyone in a weird position to answer the othering(?) type question.

Now after Melissa answers the question, i have no problem with her answer there tbh, Katie chimes in with a very thoughtful response on how we can interpret art how we want. I also wanna talk about what people thought Mehcad was saying during the end of Katie’s response. I think everyone was feeling very hurt and sensitive since the song etc, so people were very analytical of everything being said. So people thought Mehcad was either saying “zitta” or “take that”, and since re-listening to the actual interview I hear “take that” as in ‘yes, take what you want from fiction’ AND NOT zitta. Take that (haha) for what you will and if you still think it was zitta I would urge you to re-listen and check after you’ve calmed down a bit? Not to be condescending to/dismissive of your feelings tho! ahhhh

After Katie has said her response. Chris says “Yeah and sexuality is all about others perceptions of yours, right? [cast laughter] Am I right?! …. That was sarcasm!” Yeah… okay. Maybe it was sarcasm, but it was a shitty thing to say at all. And also makes no sense for what they’re talking about. I mean… we’re talking about fictional character here aren’t we? So, what? why? what..?

Jeremy replies to Chris’s comment: “Hey listen, I went to musical theatre school I know all about other peoples perception of sexuality.” So… uh, we aren’t talking about fictional characters? Honestly, who cares what other people think about your sexuality? Did/do people think your gay? Why is that so bad? (Maybe I’m still a little sensitive about that part for some reason…)

Now, I think that was all from THAT interview specifically. There was definitely more ugly stuff that happened with Supergirl at comic con, at least to me. Maybe I’ll make another post because this is so fucking long, I’m so sorry…

The cast may not have meant to hurt anyone with all of this, and they definitely aren’t homophobic like how I think people mean? I really do think its in bad taste to just call them homophobic for this incident. What they did was like a micro aggression and in the grand scheme of things very little. Though large in the aftermath unfortunately. They just couldn’t understand the intracasies to LGBT fandoms or shipping, or even LGBT people, since they aren’t. Basically it was ignorance on their part. So, for me personally, I’m not gonna go all out and hate them. I do have a distrust that I can’t ignore though cause i felt made fun of. :/

To people who think “yeah well supercorps deserved it for how they treat the cast.” I can not control what other people do with their social media. I do not see whatever everyone else fucking does. I sit here in my bubble liking the things I like. I can only say that, I do not condone any ugly person that sends death threats, tells someone in the cast to kill themselves, insults the cast, or bring up personal things to be gross to the cast. I do not like that and think it’s stupid. I could only hope anyone 18 and older would know better and that anyone younger would please think of the cast as actual human beings. It doesn’t matter how much you hate any of the cast. Take your time to do anything else.

And listen, feelings are not invalid. No matter how many people think it’s an overreaction. People don’t get to tell you what you feel is stupid. You were hurt, that is the end of it. You’re allowed to be angry or upset or sad or disappointed but before you think to write something angry or rude, take a few minutes or a few hours and try understand why you’re angry and be respectful if you want to express those feelings. Cause when I look back to those words I said right after I was hurt by theirs… I know that I didn’t hurt anyone else. But, if I did? I’m sorry. D:

If you didn’t get offended or hurt? That’s great I’m really happy for you! :)

ALSO AGAIN IF YOU READ THIS WHOLE THING OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY YOU USED YOUR TIME ON MY WORDS AHHHHHHAGDHJFK

[zainab1x1s]

2 3 5 7 11 12 16 19 20 32 37 41 50 57 64 66 75 77 79 83 86 92 93 94 and then 1?? 100?? whatever the one that actually says i love you for the ship meme u asked for this im a good person

“It reminded me of you.”

Aaron held the faux leather bound journal in his hands close to his chest almost as soon as he got it, catching a peek at the gold lettering on the cover but not long enough to see what it said. “You absolute angelic, unbelievable, undeserving…” Aaron found himself smiling wider than he realized, rambling off a list of adjectives with no intention of which one he was searching for, only knowing they weren’t enough. Eventually he came to a halt and took a deep breath, only saying, “Thank you. I love it. You’re amazing” this time, kissing the top of her head before he could stop himself.

“No, no, it’s my treat.”

“No, you really don’t have to do that,” Mariella tried to say, but the words were already swallowing in her throat by the time Brooke had began paying for the coffee, and she found herself sitting back down in the uncomfortable wooden seats of the coffee shop, listening to the continuous wails of someone who just had to be the roommate of the cute girl she was trying hard not to like. Looking at Brooke, though, who was talking to the barista with a brilliant smile on her face, Mariella knew there was no use in trying. She was absolutely hopeless.

“I’ll walk you home.”

“You will?” The gesture wasn’t overly romantic - the pair had stayed late to finish a biology project, and though it was barely six, the sky was already ink black, and Noelle didn’t live too far away. Still, it was one of the first, concrete signs that showed Adam cared about her - or maybe he was just a generally good person who didn’t want a teenage girl to walk alone in the dark, but Noelle would take it. “Thank you, yes! That would be great! You’re so sweet.”

“I dreamt about you last night.”

“Oh!” Aiden jumped up at the realization of what this was, already laughing a little (though trying desperately to hold it back as best as he could). “Okay, so we’re finally doing the lame pickup line you promised. You’re only, uh, a couple months late, but, yeah, sure, I guess I could take it, you know. What was I doing in your dream?”

“You can have half.”

“What? No.” Maya looked up from her schoolbooks to an odd show of kindness, a cross between irritation and confusion sitting on her face. She began listing off reasons for the stupidity of his offer on her fingers. “You just bought it, I’m working, I can make myself my own bagel if I want one, it’s weird to split a bagel, and I’m vegetarian. Can’t eat bacon.” She turned back to her textbook, still watching his figure out of the corner of her eye before flipping them closed slowly and straightening her back. “But I think it’s my lunch break,” she said, piecing together each word as she spoke it. “So I might as well make myself a sandwich, and we could eat it together if you want. That way, no one has to have half of anything,” she tacked the last part on as a deflection from the fact that her face was growing impossibly hot.

“Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”

Even as she attempted to avert Jodi’s gaze with her waving hand, Ava couldn’t stop smiling at the kindness of her subject. “Jo, you’re not supposed to address the camera, remember?” she said finally, when it didn’t seem that Jodi was quite understanding it. “But thank you, you’re a doll. I’ll be fine, though. Alejandro Innaratu once described the mountain weather for The Revenant like rock climbing without a rope, so I don’t think this is all that bad.”

“It’s okay.  I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

“Thank God” Sam muttered the exclamation under his breath, but there was no need, as he was sure Lillian was thinking the same thing when she saw he was still awake. Quickly, he pulled back the covers on the too-large hotel bed, moving over to one said. “You know,” he said, sitting his pillow up and leaning against the headboard as she crawled in, “it’s pretty stupid that management keeps making us sleep in different rooms. Like, wouldn’t we be saving money if we slept in the same room, you know? What’s the point, anyway?”

“Can I hold your hand?”

Wordlessly, Oli slipped his hand into that of Mary’s, smiling down at her as reassuringly as he possibly could. “It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered, taking the opportunity of being so close to her to kiss her face quickly. Sitting back up, he turned to Haley and said, “So, we’ve all seen The Ring before, and it actually kind of freaks me out a little. When I was a kid, actually, um, my dad took me on a camping trip - well, it wasn’t really camping. We were going to go camping, but-” Haley threw the remote at Oli’s head before he could finish his sentence, and handed it to his girlfriend with pride.

“You can borrow mine.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Minji practically heaved her words as she pulled Adam’s Biology notes towards her, scattering them around the small table they shared at Hillary’s house so he could see as well. “If I had to talk to Basketball Boy, I might have actually had to kill him.” She grit her teeth at the very thought, lowering her voice. “He’s actually trying to be friends with me. Actively. Aggressively. I’m going to kill someone, Adam. It’s probably going to be him.”

“It looks good on you.”

Trapp emerged from the store’s dressing room in the dress Mara had picked out for prom or Spring Fling or something and was greeted to a series of compliments and coo-ing from her girlfriend over how good she looked. “I’m pretty sure I look like ass,” she said blandly, gesturing to herself. Still, as she looked at how happy Mara was, Trapp only rolled her eyes and said, “yeah, alright, I’ll buy it, whatever.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Onyx was taken aback at the question, already feeling a deep red flush rising to her cheeks. It wasn’t that the question was unusual - though she didn’t have much experience with people asking to kiss her (or people kissing her in general, really. Rather, it snapped her out of a pleasant reverie and reminded her that she wasn’t supposed to like him. Didn’t like him. Onyx looked at Tony and contemplated leaving without another word, before grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him into a long kiss. By the time they pulled away, there was lipstick on the edges of his lips and a stunned look in his eyes. She pressed a small kiss against the corner of his mouth before picking up her purse and leaving the room, her head spinning.

“Go back to sleep.”

“I fucking wish, right?” Maddie’s overly cheery voice chirped over the phone, showing no sign of her statement being true. “Anyway, I can’t sleep. I’ve tried everything, Shawn, I swear to god I actually have, and it’s done shit. Come on! Stay up and talk to me? Please?” Maddie continued before he even had a chance to answer. “It’d be like a sleepover over the phone, and your voice is really cute, and it could help me go to sleep? Come on, please, Shawn?”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

Almost as soon as Winter returned from the bathroom in her full Juliet costume, she began muttering frantically to herself about how awful she must have looked. When Robbie spoke, she dropped the hairbrush in her hand, causing one of the makeup people to curse under their breath as they picked it up on their way to the other side of the room. “Oh, thank you,” she said, unsure if her excited yet nervous feeling was because of her compliment or because their first show was less than hours away. “But no one can top the beauty that rests in your eyes - if you think I am beautiful, you’ve never been so lucky to look in a mirror.” Even her method acting was on autopilot, however, all the while wondering if his compliment was real or not. At least she knew hers was.

“There is enough room for both of us.”

“There’s barely enough room for me, you guys” Beth said half-heartily as her sisters crawled into the bed around her. It was her last day they were all going to live together, and she was certain that they could hear her soft cries from a million miles away - not because they were especially loud or good at hearing, but because all three of them had a sense for whenever any of them were upset. “Okay, fine,” she said, as they ignored her barely passable attempts at getting them out, “but don’t steal all the blankets”

“It’s two sugars, right?”

Sunnie looked up from her laptop, smiling at the boy before. “Uh, yeah,” she said, tilting her head to the said before adding, “do you know my coffee order, Mateo?” She couldn’t help but grin at herself, feeling proud for no reason. Pulling the blankets away and pushing her laptop with whatever Netflix show they were binge-watching on it away, Sunnie started to get up. “Don’t worry, though. Let me come with you. I don’t mind.”

“Stay over.”

Joy only smiled a half-smile at the request, patting Henry’s cheek gently. “Oh, sweet baby,” she said in a teasingly condescending tone. “You can’t be serious, can you? You know I can’t stay over. Actually, I should probably be getting home right now.” She began gathering up her stuff at that, but paused to look up at Henry, licking her lips before a nervous smile found its way to her lips. “I had a really good time, though. I like your place. A lot more quiet than mine.” She headed to the door before spinning on her heel. “Walk me to mine? I kind of want to keep talking to you, weirdly enough. Don’t ask.”

“I was just thinking about you.”

Casey walked into the art room with the oddest greeting yet, and she wasn’t sure if she quite appreciated the way her heart swelled up before she even had the opportunity to register the words being said. She began setting up her easel and art supplies, pretending at first as if she didn’t hear what he had said at all, that her eyes didn’t keep trailing back to where he sat, building sculptures and tapping out rhythms with his finger tips. Eventually - far too long for it to be considered normal, she said, “only good things, I hope” in what she wished was her regular, cheery voice and not an obvious sign that she cared too much for her liking what he thought of her.

“Call me if you need anything.”

Nina chuckled to herself at the concern of her soon-to-be-former hallmate as she neatly tucked rolls of clothing inside her suitcase. “Aw, Val, you almost sound concerned,” she teased, perfectly folding the shirt in her hand without looking. “Don’t worry. Me and Mar are going to be fine, okay? I used to travel all the time with my dad, and then I did a year abroad when I still did university full-time. I’ll take good care of Marisol, and I’ll send you a bunch of pictures of me in front of famous landmarks all the time to make you jealous.” With a smile, Nina pointed a pair of tube socks at Val to punctuate her point. “Promise.”

“I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”

Emmaline finished off the last of her cigarette before flicking it into the ground, grinding it underneath the heel of her foot. This process took much longer than it should have, but it was most likely because she was avoiding the seemingly all-knowing gaze of Ketan Macpherson. Indeed, when she raised her head to look at him, it was done with a great slowness. “You probably shouldn’t be,” she said honestly, her low voice even lower than usual. “I’ve got no idea when I’ll get my shit together.” Still, she made no effort to leave, even with her excuse to stay pressed into the heel of her shoe, and instead only moved closer to him.

“Stay there.  I’m coming to get you.”

It was two, maybe three in the morning, and Josh was walking down the sidewalk drunk out of his mind. Which, you know, bad idea and all that, but it may help if he explained that it wasn’t something that happened as often as you would think, and it was because of a long-winded game of truth or dare that got out of hand? No? Yeah, he figured. Harry also thought it was a pretty stupid excuse, and he told him so when Josh called him, laughing his ass off. “No, ‘m fine, swear,” he said, still choking on laughter between words. “I got this.” He didn’t manage to get another word in before there was the sound of keys in an engine and a distinct click, and- yeah, yeah, that was a smart move. Because he didn’t have this. Not at all. And he honestly don’t know what he would’ve done without Harry - not just in that instance, but in general.

“You’re important too.”

Phoenix licked his lips to hide the smile that came crawling forward. “I mean, yeah, I know, but- it’s Orion, right? He’s my number one, which means I gotta be his number two and have his back. And if the stars don’t like me because of that, then they got to find a new set of muscles,” he added, only half-joking. “Besides-” his voice lowered for this, significantly softer, “The ones that matter are still around.”

“I want you to be happy.”

“I do, too,” Roxy said, sitting up in her bed and leaning over to kiss Link as delicately as possible. As she pulled away, though, her once soothing voice got impossibly loud. “I just wish-” she yelled pointedly, overly-emphasizing every word as she banged the wall adjacent to Tessa’s room, “my roommate also wanted me to be happy, and stopped forcing me back in the closet because of some dumb, convoluted scheme.”

“I believe in you.”

Walt shoved the top half of his super suit over his head, peeking his head out just enough to smile down at his girlfriend. “You probably shouldn’t do that,” he said with a nervous laugh in his voice, trying to hide his sheer panic with as much humour as possible. He gave a pointed look in the direction of Simon, who had just set his cape on fire and was trying to summon water powers in a fast attempt to put it out. Turning back to Priya, he said, “neither of us really, uh, how do you say- know what we’re doing?” He laughed again, pressing his forehead against hers when he leaned forward, already feeling the pit in his stomach. “Um,” he said, before clearing his throat, “wish us luck and all that. Off to save the world, you know.”

“You can do it.”

Emmaline found her hands shaking as she reached down to smooth out her dress for what must have been the hundredth time. She was going on a date with Ketan, and for some reason that was more frightening than debate competitions, than band performances, than business events with her dad, and it really shouldn’t have been. But it was. Tony was the only thing keeping her from practically losing it. “Thanks,” she muttered, offering him a half-smile as an apology for her nerves. “I mean, I don’t think I’ll be great or anything - um, definitely not good enough to win any awards. But I hope it goes okay.”

“I love you.”

Troy froze. For the first time in his life, he felt hyper-aware of all the onlookers upon him - and though they weren’t there in the physical sense, the red blinking light on the camera refused to let its presence be forgotten. He should have said something. He shouldn’t have hesitated. He knew that. He knew that. He was messing up the take, and then they’d have to take another one, which means they’d have to stay longer, which means they’d have to find more excuses to not talk to each other between filming, and it was all going to be bad. He knew that. But everything was so weird, he couldn’t just say it. Instead, he pulled back, shaking his head in a desperate attempt to clear his mind. “Sorry, thought I saw something behind you,” he said. “Can we try that again?”

[eagleslouis]

Like can someone explain to me how Z is the dbag and not Hompous? Z leaves and it comes out he s been dealing with mental health issues (and we ALL watched him get scary thin in 2014), he comes off a bit :/ in some print issues but the only vid intv he does, he s visibly shaky and v nervous. His promo gets messed up due to his struggles, even at the cost of pissing off the BBC. But he s a total asshole right? For daring to be human....

2. And Im not trying to say he s a saint. But like, he was clearly struggling. And even if he was using to cope? Eh 100s of popstars have admitted to same, so if he got clean then went on tour and found himself too tempted, wtf was his terrible crime? The first appearance he made he made a point to say how special the boys were? Then we have H, who 'fulfiiled his obligations' but imo acted a total arse for most of the promo except the big tv slots. Like he was smugly condescending to radio ...3.hosts that probably 1st interviewed him at 16? All the smug smiles about the hiatus? Acting so over it most of the time? Acting on stage and off like he was already going solo except at the very very end when he could count down the days? Larries were too busy screaming about Next to You! But everytime I saw him I thought he smugger than the last, dreaming of his yacht prob lol. And will he even mention the boys when doing his first appearance.

okay i KNOW like completely putting personal biases aside (lol i wish), theres definitely double standards with how zayn got treated vs how h got treated. like ofc h could be dealing with mental health issues lmao no ones denying that but like, yeah, the way he comes off, anyway idk. like obviously zayn technically shouldnt have left in the middle of a tour ahsdhfh like not a good move, but like you said, 2014 was bad it really was and if he felt like he would have had a breaking point had he stayed longer, its definitely understandable. and about the using thing too like ohhh my god when people get mad about that its????????? people that think theyve never done drugs truly exhaust me like how naive must you be?? but yeah i mean obviously its not.. ideal. but again like you said if he felt tempted, then its also understandable for him to leave??? also not to steer away from what we’re talking about but lmao people trashing zayn for the drugs thing.. theyre the same that think h has never touched a drug in his life and think that makes him better. that annoys me. but anyway. things in print can be taken out of context like yeah i get that, but compared to h, zayn at least MENTIONS them, by name. and he doesnt sugarcoat anything like he doesnt say it was great when it really wasnt. like we basically have proof that h didnt want to be in it but theres still people that insist he loved it. like.. again with the naivety. anyway. zayn still.. even after public fights :).. interacts with his band members. h really couldnt log onto fucking twitter and send a tweet to louis about jay? it looked so fucking bad that everyone else did but not him. thats undeniable! h literally just comes off like a douchebag i dont know how else to put it. he was condescending ahsdh. to interviewers i dont know really but he was so fucking annoying with the zayn jokes lmao. they were so petty and unprofessional and exhausting. 

he was 100% counting down the days though oh my god. he knew had dunkirk under his belt and considering this album is already done?? he had to have been doing that too so he was ready! since 2013 really, with jeff. you know. and i talked about this before, like him acting like a solo artist. cause he was always so obnoxious during otra compared to the other tours and like maybe thats just his personality, but he wasnt like that in any other setting, so probably not lol. i dont think he’ll mention the boys tbh. definitely not if hes not asked, and if he is, expect am quote 2.0. :) that band was the best thing to ever happen to him! he’ll defend his behaviors of not interacting with them in years ahdhdhd

[mininecro]

I don't really like killing stalking but there's no need to be condescending towards people who do. I think if they can enjoy the comic for other aspects than the porn it's fine to read it, it's just a comic. like it made me really uncomfortable but just because someone else enjoys is that doesn't give me or you the right to call them sick

i never called people sick, i never treated people like they were garbage humans for liking KS, it’s just that the media itself is inherently flawed and open and gleeful engagement with it helps cultural dismissal of Real-Ass Issues gain traction. i (and basically everyone else) have frequently called the deep pleasure people extract from KS disgusting, but that like, doesn’t really reflect on you? its just being ignorant...i’ve done plenty of disgusting shit because i hadnt thought empathetically enough about the big picture.....

and honestly why should i be all nice and kind for what basically boils down to “you had an OPINION? well FUCK YOU”. there were plenty of ways to communicate how much i hurt their worthless feelings and anon hate wasn’t fucking one of them

anyway actual breakdown of why no one likes KS under cut since this is a mere Ignorant ask that i was expecting at the start of this hot mess

the biiiig issue is that it takes popular controlled, socially contradicted Dark Interests (murder, violence, kidnapping, torture, psychological manipulation) that we take pleasure in with general fascination and curiousity, and pair it with uncontrolled, socially ignored Dark Interests, which is any level of victimization

e.g. you see a protagonist torture/kill a villain, you’re okay with it. jack bauer can be a war criminal and deadpool can kill just, everybody

but if they raped or abused someone, it is NOT okay. not because we’re clutching pearls, but because these aren’t controlled and socially contradicted. the way we interact with this type of violence is completely different. 

and when you see people outraged over depictions of it, it almost always isn’t because it was written at all, it’s because it was written as if it were in that controlled socially contradicted subgroup (which KS is). and because they think these two genres of violence are at all comparable, the reader can instantly know how engaged in rape culture the writer is. a villain can’t just do horrible shit to the hero if it’s victimization, that’s misunderstanding the very structure of how society views these 2 types of torture! one is helpless violence, one is a direct attack on a physical, emotional, AND psychological level that actively detracts from their base personality in some fashion. one is straightforward, one can’t be well-written without exploring from the victim’s point of view and with constant upkeep

it’s basically the difference between ignoring a redshirt character’s death and ignoring the death of, like, the dueteragonist. they aren’t comparable.

so, the anon way back called me a “hypocrite” for being fixated on writing rape subplots in my stories, but the reason no one’s called me problematic yet is because i understand this structural difference. the extreme levels of violence are never paired with the victimization; the main character is traumatized by both events, but the former is “how do i deal with this anxiety stabbing a dude in the head 50 times gave me” while the latter is “how is this trauma affecting me, how has it impacted my life until this point, how deeply will it affect me in the future, what’s my relationship with it” etc etc etc, because the focus of victimization has to be on the victim in order for it to parse sensibly. the deeper you go into the impact, the more compelling it is, and the more of the full impact you communicate, and the better the writing ends up. im not saying i wrote it WELL, i just did it serviceably and with good sense, so no one has a problem with it! 

and victimization can’t be Tragedy Porn either; writing about how the victimization dominated their mind and broke them as a person is still not going to write well, because it turns off the character’s status as human just to really drill in how horrible this situation is. again, taking focus away from the character breaks the writing at the base. suffering is an emotion, and going “he was sad. he was unhappy. he was crying. he was emotionally unwell.” would be bad writing in any other context. nothing about being abused should be magically fixing how bad that writing is

which brings meeeeee to the example i listed in my reply a month ago that the anon hated so much; the last house on the left. there’s an explicit rape scene that only exists to exhibit how brutal and irredeemable the villains are, and the main character completely ceases to be a character at all after it. like, she might as well be a housecat for all of her personality we see. it’s aaaaall about the torture porn, it’s aaaaall about the thrills, and she’s reduced to her parent’s rightous anger. it fails! if it were about the main girl fighting back and trying to collect herself after a traumatizing experience, that rape scene would still be too long, but it wouldn’t be such a cheaply-written fat sack of garbage

this problem is just especially obvious and thus contentious in KS because the writing in KS is, i’m sorry to say, even shittier and cheaper

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #8- “people are going to be blindsided and i'm people”- Vincent

Holy guacamole I feel terrible. On one end I have four people who decided to work together and on the other end are people they told I wanted out. I am at a bit of a loss here but I always like a challenge! I'm gonna go finish my thinking, see if it sticks, and go then voice it!

wow how am i even still here because of my strong social connections! just 7ish tribals until the end! that's so much...i have no idea what's about to happen over the next few weeks except that people are going to be blindsided and i'm people a big part of my pitch to rizo and chris was that cheatham is a threat and he needs to go...which is why now that we're all together i'm in an alliance with all of them, as well as austin and noah. this six is absolutely not going to stick together but i'm in the middle so when it falls i'm not taking the hit! annmarie and liam are cool as well, so ideally the merge vote is between sara and kyle. for me i would ideally keep kyle bc he seems less likely to try and blow up the game in a way which is bad for me, like i feel like he may help me down the line. so i'm going to try to push for that. however, neither annmarie or liam are worth saving at this time so if either of their names come up i'm going along with it this is the first time i've merged in nearly a year and i'm ready to overplay and flop!

Right now Im in an alliance with...Austin, Noah, Rizo, Vincent, and Cheatham by the name of Bottom Feeders. Tbh its just irony at this poiint I am going to end up working with people I wanted out but hey that's Survivor!

(LATER)

My plan of action is to talk with Kyle, consider having a aide alliance with him and Rizo where we get AM/Sara/Liam out and then have BF target Cheatham and/or Noah or whoever in F8/F7..stay tuned!

(EVEN LATER)

Mark my words, this week is going to expose Austin! He has Liam/AM/Sara wanting him and then Bottom Feeders so no matter how this immunity goes and tribal, he will be seen sketchy to somebody.

Wow, So last week I decided what was going on bc i have the idol. If Gwen knew how to stop talking then maybe i would’ve. ANYWAYS, this week. So I got put in three alliances. Big Time Thrush (which I was already in from pre merge) which consists of Me, Noah, Austin, and Vincent. Then there is Bottom Feeders, consisting of Me, Noah, Austin, Vincent, Rizo, Chris. Basically Rizo and Chris made that bc they are on the bottom. I don’t trust it at all. Finally, the one that i’m actually sticking with, is The Frock Destroyers, which consists of Me, Noah, Liam, Austin, Ann Marie, and Sara.... JK i’m not working with that. There is a secret 4th alliance that is the same as the last one but without Noah. I know Noah is probably reading this. Basically, I don’t like the way he talks to me. Outside of the game, I would LOVE to stay friends with Noah bc i’m sure he is a great person. INSIDE the game however, i do not appreciate when someone tells me to shut up, calls me an idiot, or tells me i’m stupid. That is NOT okay. He never listens to my ideas and he acts like this idol, is his. This idol is mine PERIOD. I was his puppet early on because i was so busy with life shit. But now i’m realizing the way he is treating me/ using me. And revenge is gonna be awesome.

Ugh....this is like trying to choose which puppy is cuter when both are identical!! It doesn't WERK! Fricken the only people I really trust fully is AnnMarie and Liam but we can't get on the same damn page. AnnMarie leans more towards Rizo/Chris/Kyle but I have DEALT with them and I know how they are. And it's been confirmed that Kyle won't split from Rizo...he said it on call that they're tight. I like Kyle...don't get me wrong...but he leaks EVERYTHING (so do I...but that's different, right?) and twists and turns things. Yes, working with OG Thrush is risky AF, but so is working against the idol and with a [new] trio, some of which have ALREADY voted for you. I mean...I've done this before where I completely flip on my old 'tribe' to work with the other side and I've won...so it isn't impossible. I also generally just don't click with the other side (as in Chris/Kyle/Rizo) as well as I do with the noobs....so even if they are tight....I'm either on the bottom of the original Petrel or the original Thrush. Noah fence....but I like Thrush better and would rather lose to them than Petrel. And that's just the way it is!

So we gave Sara immunity, I want to use it as strategy to possibly have her like me again but we will see if it works. As far everything else, Austin wants Kyle/Rizo gone. I dont know where it leaves me in his ideal pecking order but Im not waiting around long enough to ask.

(LATER)

Nah, Im not accepting this. Im not waiting for Rizo to be voted out to make mends either. Im gonna get this Petrel chat going and maybe it is the one thing that can save him and me. Im not putting all my eggs into the Bottom Feeders basket just yet and sure as heck am not a out to welcome myself to the bottom of the barrel so easily

Wow...a lot has happened. My alliance with Cheatham, Noah, and Austin supposedly merged with Chris and Rizo to create a super alliance. Guess how long that lasted? As far as I can tell, Noah is targeting Austin but tried setting it up to ensure Chris and Rizo take the fall, using information I gave him (not necessarily important info, but something which incriminates Chris/Rizo which I only told him). Austin heard about this, of course, because he's just so good at this game and everyone is gravitating towards him. I've been completely honest with him, so hopefully he has been with me. Originally the vote was supposed to be Rizo, with myself, Austin, Cheatham, Liam, AnnMarie, and Sara on board. This is why Rizo got vote against him at the challenge. However, Rizo has never targeted me personally. Comparing that to Noah, who I have heard from multiple sources was hoping that I was going to be voted out last round, voting to ensure this happened, and it was clear to me that Noah was the bigger threat to my game. Additionally, Cheatham told me things about how condescending Noah would be with him, so at that point I felt like I had to change the vote. Cheatham was on board with it, and I told Austin as well. Liam, Sara, and AnnMarie don't know (as far as I know) as of when I wrote this, but I really don't see a reason as to why they'd not want to vote Noah. After this, it's 9. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, just to see how the dynamic is structured to truly figure out whether or not Noah is the best move for me. Liam-AM-Sara are essentially a trio, and they're all good with me bc I voted with them and included them all Chris-Rizo will be an even tighter duo, with Kyle as their auxiliary, and they'll all hate me. However, because I pushed the vote off Rizo (which is evidenced by the fact he got the vote at the challenge), I don't think it's fair to say that I ruined these relationships beyond repair, which I would have if Rizo left. Austin is still the most powerful guy in the room, but he's a powerful guy who fully trusts me. Cheatham has the idol, so keeping him on my good side is essential. To be honest, earlier flushing the idol was my top priority, but now I would not mind if he kept the idol for the rest of the game. Doesn't hurt my game, and as long as Austin is here, why would he take a shot at me? So I think it's fair to say that, based on my current understanding of the dynamic, I am making the best move for my game.

Im gradually realizing Cheatham is the answer. We majorly messed up by not giving him immunity and now I want to talk to him to fix it. Rizo doesnt want me to with fear that it could ruin things but like I cant just sit here and do nothing. He doesnt wanna talk to Austin, Austin doesnt want to talk to him, OG Petrel doesnt want to talk to us, and so really this boils down to us needing to persuade Cheatham. I dont feel right if I dont talk to explain how bad of a decision it was and I'll work to fix it but for now Im just gonna do what Rizo says and wait

Merge !! Wohoo this is where the game starts and I must say I’m playing hard. And it’s starting to backfire. Chris not voting AM out our first Petrel tribal really fucked me because it showed where I lied. I was trying to play both sides and unfortunately it’s biting me in the ass. It’s crazy cuz austin is doing the same thing but it’s working for him. I got last in the challenge because my name is being mentioned and the next target. Austin is clearly the snake and I can’t say I’m mad good for him but he is someone I need out. He mentioned my name to Kyle and with a vote on me already I’m assuming I have 5 votes to my name going into tribal. I know I have Chris and Kyle on board to vote with me. Noah is next to go so he is down to vote with me and I saved Vincent so why wouldn’t he vote me. That leaves 5-5 with cheatham being the swing. I’m trying to convince him that I got his back and I truly do he is a power player With that idol and is a great shield. He is upset he wasent granted immunity by our alliance and that is a valid reason but I don’t want that to cost me my game. Cheatham says he is going to try to take the target off my back but I really want him to vote austin out with Us to make it 6-5 blindside. It would be iconic to get out a big player like austin who is playing a Rob C type of game. It just sucks cuz if I go Kyle and Chris my go too guys are next and austin will steamroll you the end. If it’s my time I played the game how I wanted to play. I’m not going to quit until my torch is snuffed but looking at it now, I have a big uphill battle but if I can pull this off, it goes down in the history books.

(LATER)

Oh shit coming back to you with some great? News. Cheatham and austin came to me stating that they will save me and they want Noah out? Is that what I want? NOPE! Will I do that to stay in the game ? YESSIR! Obviously I want noah to stay cuz he is a shield for me and seems to want to work with me but cheatham says Noah has treated him like shit and austin dislikes him. At this rate I have to lay low and just let austin and cheatham make the move to save me. I’ll tell Chris to vote noah and make sure as much votes go to noah as possible. After noah leaves I can regroup and think of a strategy but tonight the goal is to survive no matter who goes besides Chris and Kyle. I need us 3 to stick together to have a chance. But I might have some life in this game !

Am I a mess for telling Cheatham Bottom Halfs votes in the challenge? Yes. But if it keeps him more likely to want Rizo in then I'll take the consequences

SOOO. OH BOY. I'm in a pretty good alliance with Sara, Liam, cheatham, and Austin. We are all working together against everyone else. I like the comfort, but it's clear that it won't last for long. Apparently Austin is working both sides, and it's just veryyyy frustrating not knowing if there's another plan you're not a part of. I'm doing pretty good developing the trust I have with others, and I'm happy with how I'm doing right now. I want to nap.

So much has happened! So glad that Gwen's elimination went to plan and even ended up unanimous against her, she would've been even more scary in this merge. I've been taking a deliberate backseat in this past challenge because it's messy as fuck & I'd rather everyone else take the heat at the end of the day, I've not heard my name at all & both sides are speaking to me decently regularly so I don't feel in danger at all tonight. I'm hoping the votes to get Rizo eliminated are there because as much as I like the guy he rarely speaks to me & I'm not keeping around people who refuse to speak to me, enjoy ponderosa!

As of now I think the Noah votes over. Noah conveniently is told and only 4 people knew it. So it tells me that Cheatham/Austin probably planned to set us up or something. So now I just want to get Austin to own up to things...which is unlikely

Fuck Kyle lmao chatting shit at tribal with his fake woke bullshit, I'm so over this tribal & I can't wait for it to be over so we can move on and get the rest of this game underway because there's so many more angles I wanna explore & I need the people I know I can't work with on the jury.

9 votes Rizo, 2 votes Austin.

[praesidiumsystem-blog]

i was so angry for so many days and i think im finally starting to calm down. i just wanted to scream and scream and scream and tear apart everything. him, myself, everyone, everything...

ive already worn myself out of everything i wanted to say really and i cant really tell if i feel better but... its something, maybe.

in my current grief cycle i’ve gone through denial and anger, and im like, on the second half of bargaining, i think im approaching the depression stage.

theres so much anger in my heart that i never express to anyone ever because i dont want anyone to hurt because of me but i am hurt and i have to put all of these feelings somewhere...

i just feel like i hate everything, i hate my parents, i hate the vampires, i hate ferid and i wish i could rip all of the veins out of his body one by one with a scalpel for what he did to us, what he did to mika...

i hate guren, i hate him so much and i dont have anywhere to put that feeling. im so angry about everything and ive done my best to just forget it and get over it, but im still so angry and it wears me out. im so tired...

i hate him for using me, for taking advantage of my anger and trauma so he could use me, i hate him for keeping everything from me, i hate him for always keeping me at arms length, i hate him for condescending to me, for shutting me out, for making me feel stupid all the time. i hate his holier-than-thou bullshit attitude, i hate him acting like he’s above everyone else. i hate how he treats shinoa, i hate how he treats me, i hate how he treats everyone. i hate him sacrificing people for “the greater good”, the greater good my ass. he wouldn’t know the greater good if it busted his face open. he doesn’t fucking know anything.

i hate him for laughing at me when i was angry or hurt, i hate him for constantly dismissing everything i ever felt, i hate him for telling me to shut up and get over it. i hate him for leading me on and toying with me and constantly shutting me down because i didn’t do everything exactly the way he wanted it done. that’s so fucking manipulative, to deny someone something they deserve because they didnt do it Precisely the way You wanted it done. fuck what he wants. god, fuck what he wants. he doesn’t fucking deserve anything either. he didn’t deserve shinoa and he didn’t deserve me or anyone else because he treated everyone like shit and constantly acted like he was better for it and that we were all immature idiots for giving a fuck about anyone else. i hate him, i hate him so much.

i hate caring about him, i hate loving him, i hate being in love with him, i hate myself for being transparent about it, i hate myself for being desperate and disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. i was so pathetic and thinking about how i was embarrasses the hell out of me and makes me want to die because its so humiliating, he expected me to be completely transparent with him about everything i felt and never fucking told me anything about himself, it was so fucking one sided, just one sided forever and ever and ever and fucking ever and his excuse for treating me like shit was that i was just a kid and i wouldn’t understand.

i would fucking understand things if you would explain them to me. i’m not as fucking stupid as he treats me, i hate how stupid he makes me feel, it makes me want to claw out of my fucking skin. i’m not stupid! i’m not fucking stupid!!!!!!! i’m not! stop fucking making me feel so fucking worthless as if i don’t already have a million and one fucking reasons to feel fucking worthless...

just wanted to hurt myself so fucking bad the past few days because i can’t cope with it, i just black out with rage and nothing can get through to me because i have so fucking much anger and none of it means fucking anything anymore because i’m not living that life anymore. and he just gets to walk away without ever paying for his shitty behavior and treatment of everyone because the timeline is gone now. that fucking sucks.

i hate having mirror touch, i hate it, it’s the worst fucking thing about being alive in this timeline because i can still feel him hitting me, i can still feel the shaking in my chest from how scared i was, i can still feel the ringing in my ears from how loud he would scream at me. he always made me terrified, of a million different things. was it worse for me to try to (and fail to) defend myself and make him want to throw me out because i was disobedient or worse for me fucking mentally to put up with playing his game and run back and forth like a fucking rat in a cage desperately trying to figure out which lever to push so I wouldn’t get fucking hit again. i hate him for making me crazy. i hate him for making me hate myself so much more than i already did. 

if i wasn’t a seraph he would have let my ass fucking freeze to death probably, he didn’t give a fuck about me or anyone else, just himself and mahiru.

and like fuck mahiru but he Chose to do everything he did, he fucking had a choice and he chose and it was never me, I was never the choice, shinoa, yoichi, kimizuki, none of us were ever the fucking choice, ever. not once, even though we all risked our lives for His cause over and over and fucking over. because we loved him. because he was our family. he has a complex about killing his own girlfriend and somehow i get to be the lucky winner to pay for it for the rest of my fucking life because he never does anything wrong because he’s the adult and he knows what’s right. fuck him. god, fuck him so much. i hate him so much.

fuck him for putting his dead fucking demon girlfriend above me, above shinoa, above shinya, above fucking everyone else. fuck his guilt complex and his fucking dismissive abusive behavior. he made his fucking bed and he should lay in it without everybody fucking else becoming collateral for him. fuck him for hurting everyone else, not even to mention for hurting me, and he hurt me more than anyone else, because I cared about him more than anyone else did, despite everything.

he’s so fucking selfish, he has the nerve to tell me I’m being childish and selfish when the only fucking thing he ever thinks about is himself and his hurt feelings over his dead girlfriend. consider paying attention to the LIVING PEOPLE who are RISKING THEIR LIVES FOR YOU every fucking day you asshole instead of sitting around feeling fucking sorry for yourself and making everyone else pay for your selfish decisions and the mistakes you made that we had nothing to fucking do with.

if he thinks i’m so goddamn selfish and childish he should take a long fucking hard look in the mirror because he was the only influence i had growing up because no one else gave a fuck about me besides him and what he gave for me could barely be considered a fuck given the way i was treated.

is it that selfish and childish of me to want to be wanted by someone i care about? to want to be considered ever? to want to be kept in the loop and treated like my feelings matter, ever? to want some reassurance that my life has any value at all outside of my usefulness as a pawn? to want my efforts to be recognized? to want to be believed in and trusted? ever? 

i was 16 fucking years old and he expects me to have the maturity of a 40 year old just because it’s war and somehow because i don’t have that maturity that he’s very unfairly expecting me to have i’m a certified useless annoying waste of fucking space that he can barely bother to pay attention to once every 3 months because Im just So Unbearably Annoying he can barely stand to remind me to go fuck myself every few weeks. war doesn’t fucking make me not 16 years old so it doesn’t give you an excuse to abuse the fuck out of me and never pay for it because the circumstances weren’t great for you and you were stressed about other shit. the circumstances werent fucking great for anyone and everyone else wasn’t abusing each other or taking everything out on everybody else. just fucking you. it was always just fucking you.

i could give a fuck about whatever was going on with kureto or the hiiragi’s or whatever the fuck, nothing he could possibly have went through would give him an excuse to abuse me or to treat everyone below him in a military sense like we were less valuable than single celled fucking organisms. but while he was busy rubbing in my face that he So Fucking Graciously and Kindly saved my fucking life so I owed him every atom of my fucking body, when the only reason he fucking saved me in the first place was for his own benefit, I’d already decided to support him whether it got me murdered by the government or not because I fucking loved him and I was on his side. peacing out because he cant resist his dead girlfriend anymore because he’s 2 deprezzed so he fucking stabs me in the stomach and tells everyone who loved him to go fuck ourselves is some real fucking gratitude. 

im so angry, im so angry, im so angry. i have nowhere to put all of this anger. its never going to anywhere because i’ll never be able to say any of this to his face and make him sorry for everything he did. i don’t even think he’d be sorry anyway. he gets away with everything and everyone around him pays for it, that’s how it always was, and that’s how itll have to always be, and i just have to get used to it but i dont want to get used to it. 

im so fucking angry because after everything, all of this anger is just because i want him to care, i want him to care about us, i want him to care about me. i want to have value, i want to matter. i want to be considered. i want to be worthy, i want to be deserving, i want to be important. i want to mean anything at all. anything, anything at all, anything, anything. if that makes me childish and selfish i guess i’ll just have to be that way forever and accept it if that makes me deserving of condescension and belittlement and neglect and mistreatment and abuse.but i don’t think it does. but he’s never going to be around to tell me that so it doesn’t matter, so i stay feeling like i don’t matter. there’s nowhere for these feelings to go, there’s never going to be anywhere for these feelings to go.

so every now and then i just have to let the rage take me and spend a few days having a meltdown alone in my room because i fucking refuse to make anyone else feel like my shit is their fault, because it’s not. i’m not fucking like him and i never will be, and no matter how much anger and hatred i feel, i will never stoop to that level because unlike him, i give a fuck, i give more fucks than anyone. because people deserve to have fucks given about them and people deserve to be treated fairly and kindly no matter what’s going on in my head. 

i just wish he’d felt that we deserved that, too.