#how fucked is that?! IM NOT A HE! its so condescending to treat someone that way what the hell?! 😟

[woomycritiques543]

I swear, I could go on Twitter and just comment “man, I wish that the character development was better! :D” and I would still get shit talked and blocked for it.

I need to stop going on Twitter so often, honestly. Not very good for my health :(

[w3ven]

Did i scare you..

18+ Cory Cunningham x fem.reader TW- knife play? “fear” placed on reader (idk)small age gap

this is my first writing ig so if anyone even finds and send request about what doesn’t have to be him :3sorry i’m very illiterate so there isn’t really punctuation and sorry for spelling please understand

“happy halloween kid” is blaring over the loud speakers “my fucking head” you mumbled you have a raging headache you pick ur head back up and cover your ears ..you some how get the school day done with you get home and take a shower as you are in the shower you hear someone come in the house you think it just family so you don’t pay attention to it you get out the shower and wrap a towel around you and open the bathroom door and walk in to the hall you listen and hear no one talking so you yell “hello are you guys home?” no response you walk in your room and see someone on your bed “ what the fuck corey why are you here” you say he looks you up and down “ you are dripping wet” he says as he gets out of bed “get the fuck out you perv are you a professional stalker. you know this is probably why you have no friends ” you are saying as you push him out your room and slam the door in his face “ i take pride in my work” he says in to the door so i can hear him. me and corey have an interesting relationship first off we have an age gap i’m 18 and he is 21 not bad but i’m in high school but we have been best buddies for a while now and i’ll admit it i’m attracted to him but he is a creep. you throw on a tank top and sweats and open the door he is just standing there “get lost” you say as you are about to close the door again but he holds its open “it’s halloween remember” he says giving you a condescending look “ what do you wanna go trick-or-treating” you say as you roll ur eyes “ yes i do with you” he replies “ this sounds like a weird date i should reject” you say as you walk over to ur bed and lay down he walks in and stands next to the bed he is silent you look up and him and see him admiring your body you feel ur stomach get hot and tight • what the hell is wrong with me• you quit get up and try to brush off how you just felt “ fine i’ll go but i have nothing to wear” you say with your back to him then you hear him walking over and he grabs your hand and pulls you out you room down the stairs and outside and he opens the passenger said door to his car and tells you to get in without asking you get in he get in and start driving “ where are we going “ you look and him “to the halloween store to get you something” he says as he speeds up we get to the Store he gets out and opens your door “i’m not going in there im wet and have a take top on im freezing” he takes off his thick hoodie and give it to you “come on” he says as he walks in to the store you can’t help but smell it before you put it on you slowly walk it to the store it’s basically wiped out i mean it’s Halloween you walk over to the womens section to see him there already looking there isn’t much left and all of the costumes are like .. revealing and sexy “ see anything you like” he says as he looks at you “ i’ll just be a black cat” you grab a black leotard cat ears and a tail he takes it from you “i’m paying because i am making you go so” he walks the the check out and pays you were going to protest but he had a point you guys get in the car and go back to your house he drops you off “i’ll come back in a little bit i have um….some things to take care of be ready when i come back” he drives off you get in and see your mom and little brother in the kitchen eating your mom summons you to the kitchen you go in the kitchen “ are you going somewhere” she says looking at the bag of clothes in your hand “yea um i was going to go trick-or-treating with my friend” you say she smiles and says have fun you go up into your room and realize you still have his hoodie on you smile •god why am i so happy over his hoodie• you take the hoodie off and put it under your bed •he isn’t getting this back• you get into your costume • i look like a slut•

you do your makeup and grab one of your hoodies and lay on your bed and wait your mom yells up the stairs that she is taking your brother out then she leaves it’s now 8 pm you are thinking about just getting changed and not going but you hear the front door “corey is that you” you slowly walk down the stairs and the light are off “are you trying to scare me” you walk in to the living room trying to find the light then all the sudden you feel someone grab around your waist and just as you are about to scream you feel there hand cover your mouth you instinctively bite down and hear “ow you fucking bitch” as they let you go “ WTF COREY” you say as you turn the light on “did i scare you?” he says “no you didn’t “ you say obviously lying “that’s a lie i felt you shaking in my arms” he mocks you “are we going or not” you roll your eyes “yea come on let’s go” you go outside with him and started trick-or-treating about an hour goes by you are having so much fun “where even are we” you ask corey only to see he isn’t there you keep looking around cuz you have no idea where you are then you hear a faint voice coming from the woods sound like corey so you walk in to the woods “ you better not be trying to scare me again” as you walk deeper and deeper in to the woods you get more and more scared you seen the abandon house it’s doesn’t look too abandoned though there is a light on in one of the rooms “ corey i’m so i’m scared i cant do this ok just come out please” all the sudden you feel a sharp cold pain in your leg you look down to see you leg has been cut pretty deep and is pouring out blood you try and open your mouth to scream and you try to run but your leg has you fall you the ground you start to crawl away towards the abandon house you look behind you for a second and you see something you never thought you would its Michael Myers in the flesh •i’m dead for sure• he gets closer and closer you try to move faster but you can’t get away he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder the only words you can manage to get out are “ corey please help me please “ you knew he wasn’t going to hear you he continues to carry you upstairs in the abandon house you start to cry he slams you down on an old mattress but with new sheets blankets and pillows •why is everything new?• you don’t have much time to think about that he gets on top of you and start you cut off your costume you try to cover yourself but he puts the knife to your throat you put your hands back down he starts playing with your tits he slowly works his way down to your underwear he cuts them off of you “you are dripping wet” he says • that voice no it’s can’t be• “corey..?” he takes the mask off “yes my love “ he answers “what the fuck is wrong with you i’m leaving” you sit up “oh no your not” he slams you back down on the bed and puts the knife to your throat “do you know how fucking long i wanted this do you know how many nights i have fantasize about you i’m not letting you just get up and leave now and don’t think i’m clueless i see how you act to just admit it you like me” he says you look up at him with fear in your eyes “your so hot when your scared” he says as he unbuckle his pants you close your legs as tight as you can “come on be a good girl for me and i won’t have to hurt you” he says you can’t help put get that feeling in your stomach again he separates your legs and positions himself at your entrance and pushes himself in “you are so tight and wet just like i imagined it to be” he groans out you bite down on ur bottom lip trying to be quiet “come on it’s ok i wanna hear you don’t make me beg” he starts thrusting in and out fast and hard “please slow down “ you whisper “i can’t hear you” he says as he brings his self closer to you “please slow down “ you say again “ not a chance in the world “ he says as he begins to make out with you and slamming in to you harder and faster with every thrust you let the lust take over and started to enjoy the pain and pleasure he was giving your body you don’t want it to end you become a moaning mess “ i’m going to cum”

you moan out “go on then dont wait for me” you release yourself and you hear him moan and put out “looks like we did the same” he gets up and puts his pants back on “ did I scare you” he asks “n-no” you reply such an obvious lie “ your shaking says otherwise” THE END

[shaaaaaaar]

hi it is 1 am and i am here to complain

i’m really fucking tired of people treating me like i’m soft or fragile or innocent/naive, that kinda stuff. it’s been a thing for most of my life no matter how much i try to prove its not really true, and its so frustrating. because i’m easily startled and i have anxiety, i’m some fragile boy meant to be protected and whose too soft for stuff.

most people don’t actually mean any harm with it. the concern is good willed and comes from a place of kindness, but ends up feeling condescending. i’ll be shielded from anything mildly scary and i won’t be told specifically why but it’s pretty easy to deduce that it’s because the tone is horror or it’s mildly violent or whatever. the sensitivity is appreciated, but it often is either over exaggerating things i’ve said i don’t like (for example i don’t particularly like gore but that’ll be overblown to like. someone avoiding telling me about shit like yandere sim. because people die. exclusively me.) or shit i’m fine with but there’s a darker tone so “he wouldn’t like it”. a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like there’s consideration for me specifically and instead an assumption of me not liking darker-toned stuff.

a lot of the time people treating me softly comes off as patronizing. something that really sticks out to me is i was asked recently to hold onto something while a person left for a moment and got told that the thing i was told to hold was there to protect ME. the legal adult. an inanimate object. another one is i’ll be told for HYPOTHETICALS i’m not allowed to have sharp objects because “i don’t trust you to not accidentally cut yourself”. i’ll be told i can have blunt objects, but nothing sharp. i’m always characterized by being weak-willed or the anxious one and… it gets very tiring. especially when none of this treatment is given to anyone else, only me. it gets noticeable.

another part of it is i tend to be less harsh on people. i try not to be too judgemental and harsh on people, maybe to a fault (i’ve got more shit to work on than that). so when i run into assholes, i’m treated like the innocent “too sweet for this world” guy because im… not a dickwad to people? i had a friend group once who all became friends bc they made a groupchat to complain about basically an entire community of people. i had nothing to add with complaints (even if i did wanna rant to the extent they did, i barely knew the people they talked about), i was just willing to listen and found it morbidly interesting. hindsight 20/20 i should’ve figured these guys were assholes (and christ they were assholes) but that isn’t the important part. in that friend group i was ALWAYS treated like the little innocent bean and if i knew something mildly fucked up it was a shocker. which got exhausting.

at the end of the day its because i have anxiety problems. that’s the smoking gun. anxiety has always been a part of my life and mine is considerably worse than a lot of people’s nervousness. with my friends i’m the guy who has “more anxiety problems” and i don’t like being boiled down to that sure but i agree that i have a lot. but frankly, being treated like i’m weak actually makes me feel more anxious. because it leaves me feeling pathetic and humiliated. being treated like i need to be protected only serves to make me feel either defenseless or disrespected. i’m well aware that i’m not a weak person. i’ve been aware of this for a long time.

yes, i am a more sensitive person. sometimes i’m pretty fragile. i get nervous very easily and treating me more gently isn’t exactly bad because the gentility is mindfulness of my sensitivity. there’s a line, though. because at some point it stops being sensitive and becomes being patronizing. it stops being mindful of my anxiety and becomes making me all about my anxiety. cradling someone with anxiety, or at least cradling me, isn’t the solution to anything. it makes things worse and only serves to solidify the notion that i’m weak. to be blunt, being sensitive, being anxious, hell, being fragile, doesn’t mean being weak. it doesn’t mean i need to be protected and my world needs to be baby-proofed. i mean hell, i spend a lot of my time trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone because what’s the point of baby-proofing? nothing will change.

ironically i have no clue how to go about actually telling people this (despite the fact i’ve had the intention to find some opportunity for months now) and somehow i’ve ended up on tumblr at 1 am rambling about it. which isn’t solving anything. i really do need to go about that because it’s important

ok it’s 2 am now so i’m leaving bye

[palant1r]

ok fr tho im still thinking abt how someone commented about godot being a misogynist on my godot thirst post....makes me think about how this fandom keeps having to hash this out. like. i have a few thoughts about this

1. godot's misogyny is a bad translation. we all know this. he was condescending to franziska for being a child, not a woman. because franziska is fully 18 years old. thats a CHILD. a BABY

2. godot still does exhibit misogyny in the text, but you have to have media literacy skills beyond "man said bad thing therefore bad" to read it. low bar to clear. anyway i could talk for a while about how he thought of mia as needing protecting and how that was a condescending viewpoint to take, seeing her as someone who needed a man to protect her, but i kinda dont need to here. guys, it's a complex character flaw of his. its deeper than "man sexist so don't think he's hot"

3. edgeworth LITERALLY calls mia a novice bimbo to her face, even though she's older than him with just as much experience. thats textbook misogyny right there. and yet godot is called out for being sexist WAY more than edgeworth. now, if we all put our heads together and think really hard, maybe we can come up with some difference between godot and edgeworth that could explain this discrepancy in how they're treated...

4. don't interpret point 3 as me saying edgeworth should be cancelled. he was funny as fuck for that

5. godot is the finest man in the series end of question. and 67% of that appeal is how fucking weird he is

[multiplefandomsblog]

request(s); IZURU SMUT WITH AFAB READER - IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT THE CONTENT INCLUDED IN IT IS,I JUST, NO ONE REALLY WRITES FOR THE SCARY M A N 😢😢😢

paring(s); Izuru x AFAB!reader

warning(s); cussing, woAHH reader is a prostitute hired by enoshima, reader is AFAB, oral sex (m receiving), humiliation kink whoop, degradation kink double whoop, ah yes dirty talk, degrading names, spit-play,  prositution, multiple orgasms, wall sex, slow and steady wins the race, dumbification, begging, dacryphillia, sadism, kind of like fuck or die???? but not really??????? AND DEAR LORD I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING WITH THIS GOD oii

note; i actually had a dream similar to this— also i lowkey got attached to these characters and now im seriously considering making a series of this???? DHSBJDDBF IDK IT REMINDS ME OF, LIKE AAAA IDK

wc; 4.1k+

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Everything was terribly boring. 

It was funny; that had been the only thought Izuru seemed to have in his brain, even as you were on your knees sucking him off like he was your last meal. Glaring down at you, he stifled a disappointed sigh. In all honesty, you weren’t bad; but he knows he could do much better, perhaps even find much better. It was almost a guarantee that he’d get someone else to do the job for him much better. 

Sitting on the throne of a comfortable chair, he had barely broken a sweat, nor had he even moaned a single time. Of course, that would frustrate you; you were squeezing whatever couldn’t fit in your mouth, ‘faking’ moans—or at least that’s what you told yourself you were doing—to send vibrations down his spine, and swallowing all the filthy pre-cum of his cock had released. And the man didn’t even have the gall to at least pretend to like it. 

It irritated you.

Why had he even accepted Enoshima’s offer for you if he hadn’t even been enjoying it? You hadn’t even touched yourself yet, and you were the one completely soaking in your panties—whilst you swore you heard him sigh, and not one of pleasure. Every part of it was humiliating for you.

“This is boring, get off.” You perked your head up, popping your lips off the unsatisfied pink tip, and to your humiliation, you looked up at him with sad, puppy dog eyes; ones that you hadn’t even purposely put on. You felt your heart drop all the way down to your stomach, “Boring…?” Well, that did it. 

Desperation turned into anger, and before you knew it, you had been crawling on this man’s lap, thighs straddling him, and hands digging into his shoulder as you looked down at him with feigned dominance. You gritted your teeth, he hadn’t a single reaction, just a look of genuine curiosity, and the same look of bored annoyance. He didn’t seem to like being suddenly touched, not like you even cared. Boring, huh? You’d prove to this self-entitled fuck, you weren’t as boring as he thought you to be. 

“... What do you think you’re doing?” With his question of genuine intent to know, his dull tone of voice seemed to have affected your interpretation of what he truly meant to say. Despite the condescending and almost offended tone, he truly wanted to know. Someone like you, crawling into his lap as if you hadn’t been face-to-face with possibly the world’s most dangerous human being; brought a small spark of interest in his chest.

Maybe you had some potential, he would think. “Are you trying to prove yourself to me?” With his eyes gleaming with curiosity and anticipation, you leaned back as you felt him lean in. With his nose inches away from yours, you shrunk just a slight but kept your act as strong as you could hold it for.

You gulped, gaze and grip faltering underneath his piercing gaze. Suddenly you felt small again. Your previous surge of dominance seemed to crumble and collapse as he brought his hands up to grope at your hips, reminding you who was really in charge here. He narrowed his eyes as he felt your hesitance and yielding, his large hands that had cupped your ass had practically been supporting all your weight as you backed down in the body and in mind. Damn it. He wondered where your confidence went, it was only just getting fun— but perhaps, all good things come to an end.

Well. He wasn’t going to let you give up that easily.

Suddenly, he let go, causing your ass that had once been held up by his hands, to fall back and knock onto his knees harshly; and you swore you could see a ghost of an expectant smirk on his face. Surprising you further, Izuru uttered 4 words that only seemed to confuse you, yet excite you all the same.

“Go on then. Try.” Your breath hitched, averted eyes now confused and focused them back onto the long-haired male. “W- what?” Izuru’s eyes narrowed at you, and the impatient look he had sent to you almost felt like a reward as you felt yourself growing more sodden. “Try and prove that you aren’t just another hole. That’s why you’re still here, no?” He spoke, and you swore you could hear his voice lower in tone.

He rested his hands on the armrests of his chair, leaning back ever so slightly as he got comfortable; as if he was about to watch a performance made just for him—which hadn’t been far from the truth.

But to your surprise and not his, you obeyed. 

If this was your chance to prove yourself to him— the ultimate hope that everyone seemed to be intimidated by—you’d take it. Of course, you would. 

Despite the growing anxiety in your heart that you’d mess up, you pushed it down and put one brave façade; he would sense your fear if you displayed it too much. 

Your efforts turned futile anyway; you should’ve known he’d sense your hesitance. 

Acknowledging your hesitance you thought hadn’t been too obvious about, Izuru brought it up. “What’s stopping you? Your fear?” Izuru hummed, leaning down to peck at your chest, “Well, that’s understandable; you should be scared.” Followed by the light sound of his lips against your heated shoulder. 

“... Though I assume that’s not what you’re afraid of at this moment.” Assume? More like knew. You were so predictable to him, a flick of your finger could tell him exactly what you’re thinking. With a tender gaze you were surely seeing wrong, he stared up at you expectantly as he waited for your answer. 

“Well?” You gritted your teeth at his sudden gentleness, taking more offence to it than you should have. You didn’t like being treated with kid gloves, not by him at least; for all you know, he kills children. “I’m not scared of anything—” He was huge, of course, you were terrified. ”How do you know I’m not just trying to slow it down, so you’re ready for it?” You challenged, shifting yourself above his tip that still glistened with your saliva from the earlier blow. Izuru looked at you, nearly taken aback. 

It made you feel incompetent. As if he thought you couldn’t do it, as if he thought you couldn’t give him the best night of your life. Of course, you’d be offended. No one likes being underestimated, especially not by him. It just brings you a whole new different feeling of humiliation. 

And he knew that. He just wanted you to hurry up, you know, provoke you a little. Foreplay was… Boring; he’d think with a small smile.

“Surely, you’re not that idio—” He cut himself off with a sharp inhale, lips parting and eyebrow twitching from the way your slick cunt slid over the tip of his dick, sinking in with ease. “I- I’m not what?” You breathed out, a shaky, smug grin contorting on your face as you tried your best to conceal the fact his dick had felt like it had literally been splitting you in two. “Hnnahh— Jesus-” You dropped your head for a second, nails digging deeper into the material of his suit; surprisingly, he didn’t care all that much about the material damage—at the moment, he cared more about the fact you hadn’t even sunk half his dick in yet, and you already looked like you were near-tears.

Maybe care would be an overstatement. 

You bit down on your once-smug smile, jaw going slack as you felt the pleasant curve of his dick, rub against your vaginal walls ever so slightly—following the movements of your own heavy panting. “You shouldn’t be so cocky, S/o.” He didn’t seem to hear the irony hiding in between his almost-mocking words.

You scoffed at his taunting statement, staring him straight in the eye as you walked further into his trap, and sunk down lower—stifling a wince as you felt him sink in you alarmingly deep. How big was he!? Well, you already knew the answer to that question. Your jaw still hurt from earlier. But that stretch had been positively incomparable to the stretch your pussy had currently been experiencing. 

Izuru pursed his lips, silently groaning at the way your walls clamped onto him as if you were already trying to milk him of his cum. You were so tight, he noted in his mind; well he wasn’t going to complain. As a sex worker, he would’ve expected you to be looser, easier to slip in; it seemed one of his predictions had been incorrect. 

In a dry, uncaring tone, he addressed the bead of sweat forming on your forehead from the stretch. “Can you really take it? You look like you’re in pain.” the part that irked you the most had been the small undertone of genuine concern for your being. Yeah, Izuru; the ultimate I-don’t-care-if-you’re-dead, cared if you could take his dick. 

Maybe your heart would’ve been swelling with joy, had it not taken a large hit on your pride. You were a sex worker, not the protagonist of a fucking romance comedy. 

You could feel yourself growing angrier and angrier by the second; a large part of you just wanted to get him off and leave—but there was a larger part of you that… strangely wanted to please this man, prove him wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, the urge was purely sexual. 

Rolling your eyes at his ‘concern’, “Can you just- Nh!” you held your breath before clutching onto his suit a little more desperately than you wanted to as you sunk the rest of him inside you. Embarrassment made its debut in your reddening cheeks as you unwillingly let a few whimpers slip out. “—B- be fucking quiet? For on- Mn! O- once?” He paused before retorting back in that same blunt tone, seemingly unamused by your curses as he had been busy watching your bodily reactions closely, as well as feeling them first hand. “... You’re shivering.” He addressed the tremor of your shoulders, as well as the contractions of your walls against his cock. 

“It- It’s cold.” You lied through your teeth, to which he found annoying; surely, you knew that he would read through that lie, so what was the point of even trying? 

Sighing in annoyance, he bucked his hips, exhaling sharply through his nose as you yelped and collapsed onto him, body going limp as you felt him hit your sweet spot. With a slightly panicked moan, you dug your shined face deeper into the crook of his shoulder, causing him to shiver as he felt the breath of your moan hit his neck. “Hnn-! A- a- already?” Izuru scoffed quietly, “I thought you wanted me to be quiet. Which one is it?” Izuru’s condescending voice kissed your ear, and you felt your own shivers being sent down your spine from his voice alone. 

Putting on an annoyed façade that would soon shatter, you rolled your eyes—something you would probably be doing often tonight. “You’re really annoying, you know th-? Oh-! Oh fuck-!” You moaned, eyes shooting open, revealing your dilated pupils to the wall behind him. With your hands fanned out on his suited back, you arched your back against him, grinding slowly as you hugged him off the back of his chair. 

Mewling quietly, you found yourself trying to stifle your own moans, so you could hear better his own; only to pout as you heard nothing. Your sole purpose and presence with him at this moment had been to please him. You… needed to please him.

And only Atua knows what Junko’ll do to you if she finds out you didn’t satisfy him. 

Sighing in slight frustration, you felt him tense underneath your touch as you locked your lips onto his neck, lips searching and exploring every inch of the sensitive skin of his neck. Izuru’s eyes widened a fraction, only to lid as he felt himself growing bored again. “What are you doing?” You muffled against his neck, “I’m trying to find your erogenous zone—“ a large grin grew on your face as you felt him go rigid and stiff against you—as if he wasn’t already rigid and stiff—as you grazed your teeth on a certain spot on his Adams’s apple, a sign that you hit the jackpot.

“There, huh? I never would’ve guessed…” You spoke through gentle moans caused by Izuru’s natural reaction to fuck up into you harder. He shivered, sure, he was good at everything; but even he didn’t know he had an erogenous zone—or rather, where it was.

And now you had this information. 

You felt your confidence sprout back up again as you felt him melt, slowly but surely into your embrace, and slowly but surely, you tried gaining back control of what had been happening. 

That had been your plan; but as soon as your hands reached up to tangle your fingers in his hair, he flinched, nails digging into your hips harshly. “Hands off.” He growled, crimson gaze darkening in irritation from your feather-like tugs. 

Yeah, your plan. 

His scalp was sensitive, and he had made the mistake of reacting so strongly to your touch to it, right in front of you no less. It was a weakness; one you’d surely take advantage of as you fucked this man. Or rather, as he fucked you. Izuru grimaced as he could practically hear the mischievous grin in your voice, “Yeah?” with a warning tone, Izuru tried stopping you, “S/o.” you probably shouldn’t have felt as excited as you did from his warning voice; especially from a guy like him, but there was a part of you that really wanted to know what would happen—what he was warning you about. 

So you made the best mistake of your life; and tugged the already impatient man’s hair. 

Izuru hadn’t given you the time to even inhale a single breath, as he had you pinned to the wall in half a second. Shit, he’s fast. Well, what did you expect? Izuru was definitely more than ordinary—and as you still felt the stretch burning between your legs, you knew that more than anyone. “I- Izuru?” Izuru sighed as you shrunk underneath his hold, forcing him to hold you up by his hips that had been pressed up against you. Your cattiness seemed to disappear the moment he manhandled you to the wall; it was predictable. All bark, no bite. He wondered why he wasted his time with you. 

With your eyes wide and helpless, Izuru remained unamused. “Let’s get this over with.”

Underneath the shell of your body, you could feel your blood boil as the man thrusting into you, had given you that familiar condescending stare of pity. He didn’t seem very pitiful as he watched you writhe and squirm underneath him from his unrelenting pace, though you could still read the emotion clear as day; your eyes glared right back at him—though you could barely see where you had been glaring, as your vision had been blurred from your own tears.

He was planning to push you to your limits, because, maybe when you’re sobbing and begging for him to stop; maybe then, you’d be less boring. 

‘He was the ultimate at everything; of course, he would be good at this too-’ “Fuhh...- fuck!” Your first orgasm of the night washed over your body, shaking uncontrollably as you had been less than prepared for it. You’d often have to fake your orgasms or get yourself off once the person using you was done. So you, whether it was fortunately or unfortunately, weren’t used to cumming so quickly. Previous thoughts of distaste had been long forgotten, as you had now been completely weak; moments away from breaking down and throwing away your dignity to prolong sex with Izuru. 

Sobs spilled out of your mouth as Izuru helped you ride out your high. The man watched you from above, hands hooking underneath your thighs and slamming you against the wall harder than your body had gone slack in your arms. For him, it felt more like he was pleasuring you—but for some reason, he didn’t mind all too much. 

Through tear-stained eyelids, you glared at him, your warm body still trembling from the near-mind-blowing orgasm he granted you. “I- I can take it.” At least, you thought you could. In all honesty, you didn’t care. You wanted it, and furthermore, he hasn’t even cum yet. Your job wasn’t finished. If you had to be fucked until your mind broke for him to cum, you’d do it. You didn’t have a choice—but even if you did, you wouldn’t deny him; you’d have to be insane to. 

“How... persistent…” Izuru murmured quietly to himself, bringing a hand up to tap your chin, causing you to perk your head up and flush at the gentle touch; the way he looked at you made you feel as if you were a mere science project being examined. It may have not been ideal, but being gazed at like nothing but a lowly bug is better than being ignored.  

It was so easy to fuck you into submission, he thought. Grunting, he pulled all the way out, lip twitching at the lewd squelch of your pussy. He almost lost himself in the way your walls fluttered around the tip of his cock once again, before tightening as if you were trying to welcome him back in.

Izuru, with a sharp inhale, roughly slammed back in, hitting all the right places despite the thrust being as quick as a flash of a camera. You gasped for air, you felt as if you had just been punched with his hips—and before you could recover from it, you felt him pull out yet again, only to slam back in, a small exhale huffing out the man’s lips as he kept on doing that same repetition. 

“F- faster— Pl- please!” You choked out as tears welled up in your eyes, his thrusts had been so powerful and forceful, yet so calculated; as if he was aiming for your G-spot every time he thrust in—which he was. He growled under his breath, voice still monotone but more strained than before—it was almost impossible for him.  

“You’re too tight to go fast.” He deadpanned, “if I go any faster, I might break you.” He didn’t really care whether he broke you, but who in their right mind would want to be broken? 

It was almost comedic how quickly you perked up at the mention of being broken. “I- I wanna! Really bad, r- real bad! Please!” You blabbered and begged like an idiot, your dignity long gone. He hissed at the way your pussy gushed with your juices and excitement, struggling yet again to piston himself into you. “Do you only think with your cunt?” Izuru narrowed his eyes down at you, disbelief and disgust gleamed in his red eyes; and it only made you squeeze around him unwillingly.

You shrunk, shaking your head as a babyish pout contorted onto your lips. “N- no, I-” The slow slapping noises of his hips on yours grew in volume, and your eyes widened as you could feel and hear him getting more frantic, hitting you deeper—places you were sure weren’t even supposed to be touched were abused by the crown of his growing cock.

Through a tone that tried its best to be calm and composed, Izuru shakily breathed out. “Open your mouth.” 

“W- Huh?” With slurred speech and crossed eyes, you tried your best to find his red eyes through the tears that blurred your vision. You were so fucked out, you weren’t even sure if he had actually said anything or if it had been your imagination.

“You heard me, don’t play dumb.” You hadn’t been playing dumb; you were dumbed. But Izuru held no patience for your games, and you could definitely feel that in his increasingly painful grip on your ass—he was sure to leave a bruise on your skin. With a confused look in your eye, you hesitantly dropped your jaw for him, whimpering and jolting as you felt something wet spew into your mouth. Before you could whine or even get the chance to complain, Izuru had forcefully knocked you against the wall again, lightly hitting your head as he steadied you against the surface with one hand as he used the other to close your jaw.

You hadn’t even registered the fact you had spit into your mouth as your mind had been too foggy from the intense feeling building up in your stomach once again. “Swallow.” Without so much as a questioning noise as a reaction to what he had done, you obeyed. Swallowing thickly with bleary eyes, you tried your best to keep eye contact with the man who seemed way too calm for the aggressive pace he had been maintaining like a pro.

Not thinking much of it, you dropped your jaw and flattened your tongue down against your chin; it was almost instinctual as you obediently showed him you had swallowed all of it. It seemed to please him, as he traced his thumb absentmindedly over your jawline; it almost felt like a reward, to be touched like that. His gentle hands differed greatly from his pace that fastened within each second that passed the both of you by. 

Your moans grew in volume, and you could feel yourself getting overwhelmed by how fucking good it felt to be fucked by him; moans and groans turned into full-blown hysterical sobbing as you felt your second climax approach. He grunted in frustration as he felt your walls clamp around him once again, convulsing as you gasped for air, his breaths huffing out in small intervals as he tried to get himself to his own high. 

Nothing was said as you threw yourself into him, hugging himself close to you as if he was your lifeline despite your twitching body—you weren’t sure how long you could hold on before you passed out, but you tried your best to stay conscious. He hadn’t cum yet.

It may have frustrated him, but it also frustrated you. Running your hands down his neck to his well-defined jaw, you cradled his skull before attaching your lips onto his neck desperately, practically slobbering over him like a dog as you kissed and sucked at his neck—to which he groaned quietly at. It was a terrible job, you were necking him so sloppily, and he hated himself for grading your performance when really, he should’ve been indulging in it.

The sounds of his hips slapping against yours, combined with your small moans that you tried to muffle against his neck, had overwhelmed his senses and he found himself going blank in the mind for less than half a second. 

It was dangerous, to leave yourself vulnerable like that. 

So without another word, sound, or thrust, he hoisted you up and dropped you against the chair; in which you unravelled like a velvet carpet over the soft, plush furniture. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you didn’t want to part from him, you didn’t want it to stop. There, he continued his assault to your already battered cunt, grunts and sharp sighs spilling out his mouth as he concentrated on getting himself to climax. 

“F- fuck, Izuru— Izuru, you’re splitting me- in t- two!” You sobbed out, arms flying up to wipe your tears away that prevented you from seeing the esthetical man above you. With his hair looking like it was flowing behind him, and the thin layer of sweat shining on his skin, you felt your heart beat a little faster— what?

You hadn’t even been able to register the dread of the realization of your feelings, as, without warning, Izuru creamed inside you. His hips stuttered to a stop, and he leaned himself completely over your body that had folded over the back rest of the chair, nose meeting the crook of your mid-chest. “Hhah...” He panted, clammy hands that had been gripping onto your skin tightly, loosened as he took a second before getting up and off you. 

You scrambled up from your position on the chair, legs and pussy numb as you struggled sitting up.“Wait Izuru—!” You called out for him, catching his attention as he cleaned himself up with a convenient towel Junko had left on the table. 

Zipping up the fly of his pants, he stared at you, waiting for you to continue what you had been planning to say as he flattened the creases of his suit. 

“W- were you...” You gulped, flushing as you recalled what you had done earlier. “Were you satisfied?” Your voice had been meek, afraid of his answer for more than one reason. Junko really would show you despair if she found out you didn’t satisfy him. “... I’ll let her know I was.” You sighed in relief, shoulders going slack as you fell back on the chair. You’d live another day.

[cometcrystal]

work saga updates cause i haven’t posted abt any of this yet and a lot has happened

cause i know at least one of you reads this shit. will be split into 3 parts

mute money incident 

i was the vault custodian that week and i was gonna take up mute money that day. mute is short for Mutilated and it means money that’s too gross/beat up to give out to customers, but is still real money and full enough to accept in deposits n shit. in the vault, we put them in straps marked with highlighters, so we know which ones to ship out to the feds

i was gonna do it the way another teller had done it before: gather enough bills to sell a full strap, with the mute money inside, and mark it with a highlighter and just sell that to the vault

head teller (im gonna say HT to keep it easier) says that’s wrong and i shouldn’t do it that way. according to her im apparently supposed to have each teller sell each individual bill they have to the vault and then i swap it out, swap it out for a good bill that’s inside an already- mute strap (cause they’re never 100% full of mute money), and bring it back (i.e. five 1s, three 5s, etc).

note i am still tense w her from smth she had done the previous evening

so im like Ok I Guess and start writing down how much each person is getting rid of on a piece of scrap paper. which makes sense right? cause if i’m gonna be bringing it back, i need to know how much to GIVE back.

HT sees this, takes my paper and crumples it and throws it away without asking me, and tells me i need to count it. i am upset and i said i WAS counting it and that’s why i had the paper. but apparently i have to hand count it every single time

also im apparently not supposed to give any back to the other tellers and im supposed to sell it back to my box when ??? like.

im trying to sort out this misunderstanding with her and truthfully arguing a bit because she is treating me like a child! and she looks at me and goes “do you want to learn or not. do you take this job seriously. because this is how we do this, and if you don’t want to learn, i’ll call [retail op specialist] and we can find someone else.”

so im abt to go inside the vault and shes like abt to come with me to help SWAP THE BILLS OUT and i was like i think i got it.

so i go in there alone and have to take a second and lean my head on the counter bc i am abt to start crying from how upset angry and insulted i am. she was just 100% talking to me like i was 5 years old and being EXTREMELY fucking condescending to me about the whole thing instead of just... explaining it. i have never once cried at work and i dont cry often in general. but she had nearly pushed me to that point.

when i go back out HT says “see that wasn’t so hard was it” in this I Told You So voice

so abt 20 minutes later i call her into the then-empty manager’s office so i can sit down with her and talk. because i am a petty person but im not abt to lose my job so i wanted to clear shit up w her.

TLDR i said its not that i don’t want to learn, it’s that the way you talk to me is condescending and it makes me feel like you think i’m stupid. and she said sorry and that she would try not to talk like that anymore, she was just frustrated cause she felt like i was arguing with her. so! i assume shit is cleared up

apparently, the next day, when the girl i learned the original mute money technique from came to work? HT pulled her aside and talked to her abt it and told her that we wouldn’t do it like that anymore here. and apparently! this bitch told her “apparently dott just doesn’t want to learn”! after i had that WHOLE conversation with her because i was trying to be a fucking adult! so i guess shit ISN’T cleared up!

and the funny part??? last week was HT’s rotation week so she was gone for the entirety of our new manager’s first week. and the other teller talked w the manager (MN for short) abt mute money and u know what she said????

SHE SAID JUST SELLING IT IN FULL STRAPS WAS THE EASIEST WAY SO THAT’S HOW WE’D DO IT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

new manager

she officially started monday of last week, but had stopped by friday to get her keys and to introduce herself

HT is EXTREMELY angry that she didn’t get the position and she doesn’t hide it very well. and i like. i get it she’s been here for 10 years but also. just bc you’ve been here 10 years doesn’t mean 1. you have desk experience needed to be a good manager 2. you have the personality to be a good manager

anyway. MN is AMAZING and i love her. in her first WEEK, we got her putting her foot down but doing it in a considerate way, which is WAY more than could be said for our previous one, and is DEFINITELY something we need with HT. she’s very intelligent and i have very high hopes for her.

for one thing, TLDR we were cashing checks for ppl that weren’t there and had sent someone on their behalf, and we had apparently done that for a very long time but i never felt good about that. MN shut that down REAL quick as soon as she saw it happening, and the customers were all chill about it! literally the only issue is gonna be HT being upset that we’re changing that

the other big thing is its own section

Oh You’re GONNA Deposit It

so this one guy comes thru friday before last wanting to deposit a check into his business acct. let’s say his name is john doe, and the check’s made out to jack smith. jack has NOTHING to do with this account; he’s just one of john’s customers.

obviously we can’t fucking do this bc the check is made out to a completely unrelated person and not the business

i explain this to john doe and he immediately gets angry. hes like “oh youre GONNA deposit it.” with venom in his voice @ me. and i repeated myself. and he said “IS HT THERE??”

he’s asking for her because HT babies all these damn customers!! they’re spoiled as shit because she bends all these rules for them and then both of them, customer and HT, get angry when policy is cited at them

i was like ok! i’ll be right back! and i showed it to HT. and she goes over to talk to him. and even SHE tells him “we’re not supposed to do this” so she’s like “we’ll do it this one time because it’s a small check and you’ve been here forever, but we CAN’T do it again.”

SO EVEN HT HAS TOLD HIM THIS.

next friday, john doe calls in and says he has another check made out to jack smith that he’s gonna deposit. and if there’s any issue with it, he’ll close all his accounts out. like. ok lol

so he comes by and i do his first deposit for his personal bc it’s fine and then i pick up the business deposit and sure enough. another jack smith check, this time bigger.

so i don’t even talk to him, MN comes over to do that. she tells him the same thing i told him the previous week. he 100% straight up starts YELLING at her. not just raising his voice, YELLING. i can’t remember the exact convo but she hands the deposit back bc hes telling her to give it back and he speeds off

abt 30min later we get a call from someone at the call center just wanting to know the situation bc apparently he called them abt it and they told him the same damn thing we told him LMFAOOOO

so then an hour after THAT i pick up the phone and it’s him! he sounds calm and collected. he very politely asks for his account info because he’s gonna get stuff together to close all of his accounts and he’s gonna come by to do that. im like ok sir

he never comes by that day so idk if he changed his mind or if he’s planning to do it this week

the moral of this whole story is! this entire week is going to be extremely entertaining because HT’s reactions to all that MN has done so far (ALL GOOD THINGS!) is going to be extremely funny and vindicating! shes gonna be like “I’M GONE FOR A WEEK AND YOU LOST [COMPANY THAT’S BANKED HERE FOR 30+ YEARS]???” YEAH BECAUSE HE WAS BEING A MASSIVE CHODE GOOD RIDDANCE

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

Im trying to catch up to C2 (im on ep 61) and Im having a really hard time liking Fjord. Idk what it is, if im just annoyed cause i dont think he should be the leader or because hes kinda condescending (to Nott and Jester especially) but god. Its making me really sad, i dont wanna dislike anyone. What r ur thoughts on him? Maybe it will help me change my views on him a little?

Huh, interesting, I had a hard time connecting to Fjord too until after the pirate arc! I genuinely love this half-orc now, so let me try and say why without any spoilers…

He’s an impulsive idiot! Fjord keeps himself under wraps a lot of the time, but whoo boy sometimes his desire to Touch Things like, say, a magic mirror in a pocket dungeon, or unnecessarily provoke, for example, a blood ritual in a creepy underwater cave, gets the best of him. He’s genuinely curious! He wants to know what things do and why! And sometimes he is dumb about it!

He really and truly cares about the group, and he’s pretty darn loyal to it. He was pissed off with Caleb for a long time after #Scrollgate, because he took that as Caleb not really being invested in the group. It was only after Caleb came right into the lion’s den with Nott and Beau to save him, Jester and Yasha that he warmed up to Caleb again. The group is very important to Fjord, and he relies on their support a lot, even while he’s not sure it won’t be taken away from him.

He actually does appreciate what the group does for him! I’m not sure how much it showed, but he was very thankful to Caleb and Beau for saving their asses in the Avantika clash, and to Jester for being kind about his tusks. He’s been growing them out because of what she says to him! I think that’s very sweet. What the Nein does and says to him, all their little and big gestures, are ones he takes to heart.

I think the biggest barrier that stops people connecting connecting to Fjord is, well, Fjord. He’s a very closed off person! That made me suspicious of him early on, but it’s become clear that he’s always been massively insecure about who he is and tries to put on a brave face. Knowing his stoic-ness is rooted in him believing that opening up to people will make them like him less makes Fjord a lot more relatable and sympathetic.

On the leader front, Fjord also very much does not want to be the leader. I think he’s said or at least hinted that pre-ep 61 by saying something along the lines that he’s “happy not to be captain anymore,” and Travis said in Talks Machina that Fjord really had no idea what he was doing when trying to act as a captain, which is where some of his dismissiveness came from. Fjord was straight up bluffing. Again, I think knowing that he’s also confused as fuck about what to do and just acted how he thought a leader should act paints him in a better light there.

Him and the way he treats Nott and Jester! After ep 48-49, the snippiness with Nott is both well meaning and mutual. She and him get very comfortable with bantering back and forth, and she actually starts ragging on him a lot more than he rags on her! If you look at that like the bickering sibling relationship it is, it gets a lot less frustrating. Believe me, the condescending relationship between Fjord and Nott is firmly established as a two-way street at this point lmao.

Jester and Fjord! This one is a bit harder to pin down, but I think Fjord is very aware that Jester has a crush on him, and he doesn’t know how to act around her sometimes. Because this is not a shippy blog, I won’t speculate on whether he likes her back, but it’s very possible. Fjord has never had someone like Jester support him so continuously, and I promise you he appreciates Jester and her encouragements and compliments.

In the end, Fjord is just very bad at showing his true feelings, which is what leads to him being hard to connect to and appearing condescending or aloof. He’s slowly improved on this front over the campaign so far, and by ep 61 has already had a fair bit of growth, though I can’t remember how much he’s shown it yet. I promise you Fjord gets some very overtly sympathetic moments soon, and I’ll be curious to see where you stand once you’ve caught up!

[angel-archivist]

h heres the story,, 

mm some angst: the day had been stressful as hell for cyrus, it felt like everyone was out for blood for day, and that GODDAMN headache wouldnt go away! He sighed and rubbed his temple as he slunk over to his dorm room. Finally some rest. he flopped onto the bed and felt himself begin to drift of, his vision went red for a split second startling him awake. "what the fuck...." suddenly a sharp knocking sound pierced through his ears and his headache grew worse. right... he forgot he had to study with Dominic... He pulled himself off his bed, he realized he was still in his gym uniform but he didn’t give a shit at this point. "hey...man. whats up..." 

        "Hi cyrus!" as bright.. and cheery as always, he mustered up a smile. "sup man..." "ready to study the shit outta some english!" 

 "no" 

"too bad!" he walks into his room with the books and sat down at the normal table smashed in the corner, over the course of dominic tutoring it had aquired a lot more junk, some old pizza boxes and candy wrappers, along with a few cds that dominic had brought to show him. Cyrus himself even pulled out a relic of the past a walkman that his grandma had given him. It was ancient, but dominic was into that stuff so he thought he'd enjoy the horrible quality music. he did. Cyrus slunk over to the desk and sunk into a chair slouching and slamming his feet on the desk. "bro" 

 "dont say bro what is it the 2000's again?"

"phff someones in a mood, ok lets open up to chapter 5!" cyrus gave a long drawn out sigh as he reached into his bag and yanked out the crinkled cover of "the westing game' "Alright so you should've read chapter 5, tell me what happened!" 

 "i dunno some bomb or something went off, turtle almost...died?" 

"kind of!" he cracked a frustrated smile 

 " yaaaay im not a total dumbass..."

 "cyrus are you ok... seriously?" 

"im...fine next chapter..." 

".........if your sure! so! did you find any similes or metaphors" cyrus felt his face grow red, he had forgotten to do that, his vision went red again and a shooting pain went through his skull.

 "FUCK FUCK FUCKUFKCUFKC" he screamed, in frustration he stood up.

 "oh shit! Cyrus are you ok" dominic had a genuinely concerned face he stood up with him like he was going to hug him or some shit. if that dick wad even tried to touch him hed beat- whoa..whoa calm down he said to himself. his vision went red, he suddenly didn't feel in control. 

 "hey...its ok... we'll figure this out, if you didnt find them, ill help you!" he put a hand on his shoulder. bad choice. his head slowly came up and his eyes were level with domonics. " cyrus.....?" he punched the other boy smack in the face. Domonic stumbled backwards and let out a cry of pain grabbing the area that had just made contact with cyrus's fist. he stared at shock at the other. Cyrus was breathing heavily and glaring at him. "I'VE NEVER GOTTEN IT AND YOUR 'HELP' WONT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE, I DONT GET IT AND  I NEVER WELL. I DONT NEED YOUR CONDESCENDING SMILES OR YOUR LITTLE PATS ON THE BACK. " Dominic choked back a sob. hearing his friend cry brought cyrus back his vision was normal again and he stared at shock at his friend. A bruise was already starting to form under his eye and although he had only just started crying aloud there was a silent trail of tears that seemed to have been there for a while his eyes were bloodshot and  he looked in fear at cyrus."oh..oh my god dominic im so sorry, im so so sorry" he went to touch him and the other boy flinched away, he silently grabbed his bag and ran out of the room, leaving his copy of the book lying on the desk. cyrus stood in shocked silence, thank god he didnt use full force....he could've broken dominics skull..but...this was some how worse, he sunk to the ground and let out a small sob. Dominic ran through the halls trying to avoid being seen with his new bruises he almost ran into simon. "Dominic shit man are you ok!!!????" he ignored his cry, he needed somewhere private. Now. He ran into the boys restroom and slammed the door behind him, at this time of day the restroom was usually abandoned he went to the corner behind the stalls and sunk to the ground. Suddenly, he heard footsteps, he looked up hesitantly when they stopped in front of him. It was liam... "oh my god... dominic are you ok... wh- what happened to your face..?" he looked away embarrassed, he laughed a little. "oh...nothing just a little tutoring mishap is all! nothing a little water cant fix!" liam stared at him. "cyrus did that to you." "ha- whaaat dont assume...." "That ASSHOLE. hurt you didnt he!" "liam...please..." "Please go beat his face in? Sure! Let me get arana. we'll make that bas-" "STOP. its...ok..." "listen dont go back there...hes always treated you like dirt" "you know thats not true liam" he stared at the ground not wanting to look liam in the face, he furrowed his brow thinking back to how cyrus acted, "it didnt...SEEM like him.... hes not known for his temper...but he got.. MAD.."liam was quiet, he crouched down and pulled dominic into a hug. "im so sorry...i'll be right back with some ice cream" "sounds unhygienic" dominic laughed grabbing some toilet paper from the stall next to him. "its not like im gonna dump it on the ground and make you eat it there" liam flashed one of his rare smiles and hurried out of the restroom. he sighed when he closed the door behind him. He had to find Mr. Gray.                               . . . Mr. Gray at this time, had been enjoying some tea in his study when he suddenly got  a sharp knock on his door, he looked up from the highlights magazine he was reading, b/c the principle confiscated all of his....other magazines. He stood up and answered the door. "Yes- oh! Liam~ You look well!" " Gray. What did you do." "Im not sure what you mean kiddo?" "what did you do to Mclee." "that cyrus kid? oH nothing! He should be fine in an hour, i just thought we needed to, make sure dominic didnt have any doubts about whose side hes on in this fight~" "..................the kid PUNCHED him!"The professor simply shrugged and smiled going back towards his seat, "well we cant have him making friends now can we?" 

[neutralvlddiscourse]

In defense of Sheith: Power imbalance, brother figure, truth about media influences

Power imbalance is an argument used by Klantis against Sheith. It states that Shiro is 7 years Keith’s senior and his mentor, which warrants it an unhealthy ship. The argument is perfectly logical, but it remains abstract in nature. I will be using the argument in an abstract manner against Klance first, then I will be addressing the theory’s application in reality.

Power imbalance as a argument falls to invalidate Sheith as it will also invalidate Klance. Power imbalance is found in all relations, from friendships to relationships and familial relations. There are also instances of power imbalance in Klance, for example, Keith is known to be a superior pilot compared to Lance, while Lance is known as the sharpshooter of the team. Keith is held in higher regards for his piloting skills, which causes Lance to express some of his jealousy and bitterness through his verbal skills. Keith almost never defend himself against Lance when Lance makes fun of him because 1. Keith can’t be bothered/sees the truth in the abuse that Lance had hurls at him and thus doesn’t fight back (his character studies/metas often cite his insecurities as the reason, so essentially, Lance is poking fun at Keith’s insecurities eg calling him a dropout) 2. Lance often passes off his insults on Keith as a joke and thus other characters (including the audience) believes that it is simply a banter between characters and does not think twice of such incidents. It may seemed like a joke but they stays on Keith’s mind. eg his vlog talking about how he couldnt connect with people

The underlying power imbalance is due to Lance’s wit and the fact that he is pro-social. He knows the Vol-tron cheer because he hangs out with other people (it is a group cheer so one is only introduced to it in a group) while Keith doesn’t and thus he doesn’t know the cheer. Keith’s cluelessness is stemmed from his ignorance of cheering, a people-activity that he had unlikely been a part of, so Lance is more priviledged in that aspect. Keith’s ignorance of said cheer was also the joke in that scene, and Lance had mocked him with “we will work on it” like Keith is an idiot and that he was supposed to know what Lance was talking about. It was a scene where the audience laughed at Keith, and since Keith doesn’t understand what’s going on, he is not laughing along, and that’s a code red when it comes to jokes. One can joke at another’s expense if it is consensual and that everyone is having a good time. Furthermore, it is an issue that Keith brings up probably months after that incident and blamed it on the fact that HE couldn’t connect with people, not because people didn’t bother explaining/teaching him how to better socialise. Lance’s superior wit and social skills had been used against Keith in this simple scene.

(before yall lance stans get on my ass ill let you know that i love lance, but what he did wasnt very nice. yes it is just a kids show, but sheith is being held to a high pedastal while lance isnt. it is just hypocritical to dismiss this incident as a case of abuse due to power imbalance just because you love lance.)

Now onto addressing Shiro’s mentor status and his brotherly role. First of, I believe that it is not the best idea for one to date their mentor/brother figure as it is a breeding ground for grooming, however love also means trusting that said grooming doesn’t happen, love also means to not groom. A simple example, your parents are far wiser than you, older than you, richer than you etc but they don’t use it to groom you (unless they are abusive). People are not passive objects that let theories unfold on them, we make choices to not hurt others. An abled body person has certain priviledges over a physically-disabled person so that does mean that they aren’t allow to fall in love and get married? That is ableist and condescending towards people who are less priviledged.

From a more psychoanalytical POV, dating a brother figure is considered to be rather perverse, but we must be reminded that modern psychology is built on extremely Western values/culture. In Northeast Asian culture, it is perfectly normal and romanticised for a 3rd year high school male student to want to date a 1st year high school female student and vice versa. In my schooling experience, some pre-teens and teenagers have formed pacts where they address each other as a brother/sister and care for each other as such. Some of them also ended up dating their ‘older brother’. This clique behaviour is paralleled in Western alternative culture where wolf-kins form their community and goes around doing stereotypically wolf stuff and treat each other like brother/sister in their pacts. This pattern is believed to aid in teens’ identity-formation and thus normal in puberty, where teens try to find themselves outside of their home/family which could include forming familial ties with other non-family peers. Given Keith’s age, this could explain why he said that Shiro is like a brother to him, it is basic teenage psychology and if you don’t know bat shit about it and assume that Keith thinks of Shiro as a literal brother, then you’d be pretty dense. He could have been just expressing a hyberbole to get his intense feeling across during an occasion where someone he loves is literally leaving him, he’d express his deepest feelings for Shiro to stay.

In Western vocabulary of sexuality, it is often commented upon men that they’re ‘a daddy’, or ‘an uncle’, or ‘a bear’. (okay granted uncle would have been more in niche communities and you might not have heard it before but im just trying to make a point here) It doesn’t mean that someone literally wants to fuck their dad or a bear, but rather the person they’re describing bear attributes to maybe a dad or a bear. One may argue that ‘oh you’re fetishizing bears/fathers’ and no, they’re not, they’re fetishizing a trait associated. I am an Asian woman so I know fetishization and its impact better than most of yall Klantis. I know fully and well the impacts of fetishization but fetishizing bears/fathers have no social cost. (also data on klanti’s overwhelming white demographic: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeNLlB64PD9k0bxG1bw3Crq5DE_VQhY_on_orWtuGIogN9gAQ/viewanalytics)

In Northeast Asian vocabulary of sexuality, ‘father’ and ‘bear’ are unheard of, but ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ are. (Feel free to correct me, I got my sources from reality TV shows/dramas lmao media shapes sexuality so it is valid evidence) Nobody wants to fuck their siblings, in fact, they think that it is really gross. It is like watching those sister-centric anime and be like “oh shes hot” but when they think about their actual sister they’d be like “lmao ew wtf my sister is gross af” and they will start listing at least 100 things about their sisters that they hate. Again, people are not passive objects that just swallow whatever media tells them. In fact, media can be used to deter such perversions. Eg if you are a child and you’re watching some serial killing movie, you parents would frown upon and condemn it. This is socialisation, where one sees something and then process other’s reactions to it to cement their beliefs. If you see pedophilia on TV and everyone around you are like eww wtf, you’re most likely to follow it as we are social creatures.

This is why I am fuckin pissed when Klantis attack Asian artists. We have different values/different take on sexuality. Just because modern psychology (with Western roots) says that it is perverse to date a familial-figure doesn’t mean that it is universal. (Therefore I argue that psychology is not an empirical science and the argument that Western Klantis propose are not to be applied to Asian Sheith shippers.) PLEASE LEAVE ASIAN ARTISTS ALONE. Stop forcing your values down our throat under the pretension of ‘progressiveness’. It is fucking insulting, condescending and racist. You have already colonised China, is it not enough? Do you have to force our beliefs to be aligned with yours, whilst disregarding our cultures? Are you seeking to colonise our minds? 

(If you still don’t understand why I am outraged, just read Freud and how psychology came to be, please, stop being so ignorant and harasse people for it. I will be addressing Klanti’s arguments from a sociological POV in my next post)

note: part 2 is justifying power imbalance since i kinda digressed on western vs neasian shippers out of anger 

[gg-astrology]

for instance, had a cancer friend who would straight out call me stupid when i didn't get what she was saying and then i would point out its because she wasn't making sense another pisces sun coworker who constantly talks down to her other coworkers had a pisces sun supervisor who was wrong for sh*t half the time about tasks we had to do and then say it was just "common sense" have a pisces sun father who made it a habit to make me feel stupid when he was pompous and arrogant do u get me now?

re: pisces and cancer being condescending it wasn’t about giving any advice at all or them not taking my words into account it was these two water signs seem to think they’re better than everyone and liking to talk down to me like im a child no hate just observations (½) 

Hey there, I guess we have an answer now on ‘who hurt you’ 💕 yes it’s hurtful but perhaps you’re stigmatizing the signs and acting out of your own feelings/experience more than logic. It doesn’t take one side to create a dynamic in a relationship (any kind) and perhaps there is something you can do about it too (whether it’s to leave, fight, communicate, evaluate things more etc.)💕💕 I hope this helps u out abit for ur immediate situation 💕💕

On the other hand, Please stop using sun sign like this, or generalizing signs trying to find something to blame? Picking on someone’s action (undeveloped or developed traits) – or use certain things about a sign to condescend on (projecting on them) – I won’t allow on my blog so please take some time to yourself 💕 

(I am a person too, and you’re telling me this on my blog – my only rule ever is to just ‘be mindful’) 

My solution when someone usually does this to me is to think ‘oh its a personal problem’ for them and let it go. They may make valid points, but you have to know when to not generalize/group it together or how to let understanding come to you/them. 

If it’s something that bothers me like a sharp pain, and i can’t get it out of my mind. I gather my thoughts and open communication with them. I clear the air as fast as I can – and let them have their say too. Usually, this helps me a lot even though I’m always fearful they’ll invalidate me back/lash out. This is for me, and that’s me doing my part in this relationship if they want to salvage them or even try. I did it and I’m open to on my part.  

The entire attitude in this ask and your first ask is stinky — I say this after thinking about it carefully (multiple…times..) And perhaps that’s because it’s through text and it might not be your intention. I’m sorry about saying that – but seeing you projecting it is unacceptable.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but when your emotions needs sorting out first then it’s worth it to do so. Your own prejudice is going to hold you back and make it harder to learn and accept others, please take sometime for yourself 💕 And try to figure out who is the developed and underdeveloped one in the relationship here (they’re definitely not in the right, but you’re the one who has to sort out your internalization here)

(and perhaps how to expel this energy without lashing out like this – you might not think it’s as bad or emotional as it seems but please, seeing these asks made me so angry I was so close to just telling you off for generalizing and projecting emotional experiences onto sun signs )

Further notes:

‘these two water signs’ – please don’t generalize and make judgement based on just the sun signs. You have an agenda against them from past experience?  Sure, understandable. 

But that doesn’t justify having prejudice against them or type-casting them. The way you’re talking about them right now is you lashing out/venting at being hurt. 

You’re victimizing yourself as well, I dont know you but probably because you were hurt. You have every right to be, but you’re also hurting others around you from your own hurt. If you need a more straight-forward answer— You both have problems to deal with. Seeing each other you trigger ‘potential to grow’ through challenges in the interactions. Please work through it properly.

‘talk down to me like im a child, no hate’ – stop right there, that is something you should care about. That is hurtful, and upsetting to be treated (mistreated) by someone else’s actions. Process your own emotions, you’re trying to ‘win’ against them or be heard but you’re not even hearing yourself and your own feelings. 

Your emotions is the one that got internalized due to their actions– and while yes, that gives you every right to be hurt that doesn’t mean you can’t be the one instigating hurt to others because you refuse to process and accept your own reality as well. You’re lashing out and hurting others the same way they are hurting you– don’t let the cycle continue. If you’re unsatisfied with the way you’re treated– a) how do you feel b) stop fucking suppressing yourself c) reach out or learn how to deal with them/understand a part of where they’re coming from.

your cancer friend straight out calling you stupid and you saying it’s because they don’t make sense — get your head out of your ass. The world doesn’t evolve around what each individual person sees it as. You expect someone to abide by your vision of what/how it should be/understand it? Why are they wrong. This isn’t some middle-school fight, own up and be bigger.   

pisces co-worker who talks down on her co-worker — Yes, that’s wrong. But what are you going to do about it? How are you grouping this into an overall understanding of a sign? You making this into a ‘sign’ thing isn’t going to help you, in fact it’s only going to make you hold grudge and prejudice. Knot your head further up your ass because you’re going to victimize yourself more every time this happens.

When are you going to stop hurting yourself over the way ‘people turned out’ or what you ‘expect’ out of people?

None of this is straight-forward— if I say to give people a chance, sure maybe there’ll be better hope for other Pisces/Cancer out there. 

Yes, maybe there’ll be a day you’re met with undeveloped traits from a developed Pisces – how are you going to understand or accept traits in others if you have a prejudice/intolerance thing going on? 

How is that going to help you? Instead of you hurting more people from your own restriction on yourself (keeping yourself safe).  

If you’re feeling insecurities about what they commented on, that’s something we should be talking about, how to handle it on your side. 

Processing emotions, communication and stuff like that. You can’t change everyone– but you can learn how to be a bigger person without unnecessarily suppressing yourself. 

It’s by knowing where they’re coming from, you don’t have to responsible for them and their own insecurities. But the path that you’re on — hurting and internalizing your own, whilst targeting and lashing out trying to validate your point on why they’re ‘bad’ – this ain’t it. 

I’m sorry if this is a lil harsh, I thought about it throughout the day because I didn’t want to give a completely terrible answer. I hope this is a little bit more helpful. 

If the gentle reminder didn’t work, I included straight-forward/harsher answers, as well as more elaborating answers. You’re venting, and while that’s fine to do, this one grates my nerve because the whole point of this is to understand we embody the signs as part of ourselves and what you’re seeing in them is something you can accept (evolve, develop, grow.)

In the right context (houses that it rules) you might even act the same. What we hate in others are things that we can see in ourselves. So I hope this helps you 💕  

An anon sent in an ask to help out:

I always say: judge the individual, not the group in itself.' because amongst the rotten apples, there are good ones hiding as well. People need to stop stigmatizing people, seriously.

The message is nice, we’re here for you 💕💕 I

[butchtaurus]

When will i shut up abt this tbh? hopefully after this… god damn.

Now that it’s been days since the supergirl sdcc incident. i wanna try talk about it more comprehensively? I’m not so good with words or expressing my feelings but i feel like i need to try and understand. I’ll probably forget things i want to say lmao. It’s probably gonna be SO LONG, I’m so so so so SORRY!!!!!!

So, people are mad at Jeremy and Melissa for “making fun of a popular f/f ship.” And while on the surface it seems exactly that, it partially was. But i don’t think the words yelled at us, and it was at us because he looked directly at he camera while doing it, “THEYRE ONLY FRIENDS” was the problem. It was that a fanbase made of many young LGBT people were singled out. Now the intent on Jeremy or Melissa’s part may not have been homophobic or meant to hurt in anyway, they felt they were joking around. But they still did hurt a lot of people.

My interpretation of this “joke” felt like they were poking fun at me for believing two female friends could more than friends and that it was silly to think that. In Jeremy’s first apology he says how its valid how he interprets their story. Which is absolutely correct! He can view them as only friends, no one’s gonna make fun of that. Cause… thats canon? lmao. Part of fiction is allowing the consumer to interpret the work however they see fit because whats the fun in being told what the fiction or art means?

Maybe the cast was tired of being asked about Supercorp, but why was it brought up unprompted in this song recap like that? Jeremy could’ve sang something like ‘Kara met Lena and they became best friends!’ done, perfect, move on. Everything woulda been chill. But instead he faced the camera, which breaks him apart from the interviewers and his cast mates to talk to us the fans, and yelled to the camera.

Onto the rest of the interview because that song was not the only thing that made me disappointed and/or angry.

The interviewer asks about shipping (Kara and Lena). Jeremy chimes in and says “I feel like I’m gonna get destroyed for what I just did…. I’m sorry. I just debunked supercorp.” And Melissa says “That was pretty brave.” And I THINK, that’s where others got really mad at Melissa. I do not think Melissa was saying Jeremy was brave for “debunking supercorp” but that it was brave he just said any of that shit, because the cast has to know how insanely loud this fanbase as a whole is, usually not in a good way. (I’ve never seen it, but i just know people have to be sending death threats to multiple people in this cast, or insulting them in some way when its none of our business. Valid criticism aside.)

Then, the interviewer asks a weirdly worded question towards supercorp as a ship. “Are you caught off guard when you hear about, sort of, [what] fans are making of relationships, seeing stuff that is or isn’t there or might be there, et cetera? Like what do you make of it at this point?” Which, since listening to that fandomentals podcast, does throw me off because it puts everyone in a weird position to answer the othering(?) type question.

Now after Melissa answers the question, i have no problem with her answer there tbh, Katie chimes in with a very thoughtful response on how we can interpret art how we want. I also wanna talk about what people thought Mehcad was saying during the end of Katie’s response. I think everyone was feeling very hurt and sensitive since the song etc, so people were very analytical of everything being said. So people thought Mehcad was either saying “zitta” or “take that”, and since re-listening to the actual interview I hear “take that” as in ‘yes, take what you want from fiction’ AND NOT zitta. Take that (haha) for what you will and if you still think it was zitta I would urge you to re-listen and check after you’ve calmed down a bit? Not to be condescending to/dismissive of your feelings tho! ahhhh

After Katie has said her response. Chris says “Yeah and sexuality is all about others perceptions of yours, right? [cast laughter] Am I right?! …. That was sarcasm!” Yeah… okay. Maybe it was sarcasm, but it was a shitty thing to say at all. And also makes no sense for what they’re talking about. I mean… we’re talking about fictional character here aren’t we? So, what? why? what..?

Jeremy replies to Chris’s comment: “Hey listen, I went to musical theatre school I know all about other peoples perception of sexuality.” So… uh, we aren’t talking about fictional characters? Honestly, who cares what other people think about your sexuality? Did/do people think your gay? Why is that so bad? (Maybe I’m still a little sensitive about that part for some reason…)

Now, I think that was all from THAT interview specifically. There was definitely more ugly stuff that happened with Supergirl at comic con, at least to me. Maybe I’ll make another post because this is so fucking long, I’m so sorry…

The cast may not have meant to hurt anyone with all of this, and they definitely aren’t homophobic like how I think people mean? I really do think its in bad taste to just call them homophobic for this incident. What they did was like a micro aggression and in the grand scheme of things very little. Though large in the aftermath unfortunately. They just couldn’t understand the intracasies to LGBT fandoms or shipping, or even LGBT people, since they aren’t. Basically it was ignorance on their part. So, for me personally, I’m not gonna go all out and hate them. I do have a distrust that I can’t ignore though cause i felt made fun of. :/

To people who think “yeah well supercorps deserved it for how they treat the cast.” I can not control what other people do with their social media. I do not see whatever everyone else fucking does. I sit here in my bubble liking the things I like. I can only say that, I do not condone any ugly person that sends death threats, tells someone in the cast to kill themselves, insults the cast, or bring up personal things to be gross to the cast. I do not like that and think it’s stupid. I could only hope anyone 18 and older would know better and that anyone younger would please think of the cast as actual human beings. It doesn’t matter how much you hate any of the cast. Take your time to do anything else.

And listen, feelings are not invalid. No matter how many people think it’s an overreaction. People don’t get to tell you what you feel is stupid. You were hurt, that is the end of it. You’re allowed to be angry or upset or sad or disappointed but before you think to write something angry or rude, take a few minutes or a few hours and try understand why you’re angry and be respectful if you want to express those feelings. Cause when I look back to those words I said right after I was hurt by theirs… I know that I didn’t hurt anyone else. But, if I did? I’m sorry. D:

If you didn’t get offended or hurt? That’s great I’m really happy for you! :)

ALSO AGAIN IF YOU READ THIS WHOLE THING OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY YOU USED YOUR TIME ON MY WORDS AHHHHHHAGDHJFK

[eagleslouis]

Like can someone explain to me how Z is the dbag and not Hompous? Z leaves and it comes out he s been dealing with mental health issues (and we ALL watched him get scary thin in 2014), he comes off a bit :/ in some print issues but the only vid intv he does, he s visibly shaky and v nervous. His promo gets messed up due to his struggles, even at the cost of pissing off the BBC. But he s a total asshole right? For daring to be human....

2. And Im not trying to say he s a saint. But like, he was clearly struggling. And even if he was using to cope? Eh 100s of popstars have admitted to same, so if he got clean then went on tour and found himself too tempted, wtf was his terrible crime? The first appearance he made he made a point to say how special the boys were? Then we have H, who 'fulfiiled his obligations' but imo acted a total arse for most of the promo except the big tv slots. Like he was smugly condescending to radio ...3.hosts that probably 1st interviewed him at 16? All the smug smiles about the hiatus? Acting so over it most of the time? Acting on stage and off like he was already going solo except at the very very end when he could count down the days? Larries were too busy screaming about Next to You! But everytime I saw him I thought he smugger than the last, dreaming of his yacht prob lol. And will he even mention the boys when doing his first appearance.

okay i KNOW like completely putting personal biases aside (lol i wish), theres definitely double standards with how zayn got treated vs how h got treated. like ofc h could be dealing with mental health issues lmao no ones denying that but like, yeah, the way he comes off, anyway idk. like obviously zayn technically shouldnt have left in the middle of a tour ahsdhfh like not a good move, but like you said, 2014 was bad it really was and if he felt like he would have had a breaking point had he stayed longer, its definitely understandable. and about the using thing too like ohhh my god when people get mad about that its????????? people that think theyve never done drugs truly exhaust me like how naive must you be?? but yeah i mean obviously its not.. ideal. but again like you said if he felt tempted, then its also understandable for him to leave??? also not to steer away from what we’re talking about but lmao people trashing zayn for the drugs thing.. theyre the same that think h has never touched a drug in his life and think that makes him better. that annoys me. but anyway. things in print can be taken out of context like yeah i get that, but compared to h, zayn at least MENTIONS them, by name. and he doesnt sugarcoat anything like he doesnt say it was great when it really wasnt. like we basically have proof that h didnt want to be in it but theres still people that insist he loved it. like.. again with the naivety. anyway. zayn still.. even after public fights :).. interacts with his band members. h really couldnt log onto fucking twitter and send a tweet to louis about jay? it looked so fucking bad that everyone else did but not him. thats undeniable! h literally just comes off like a douchebag i dont know how else to put it. he was condescending ahsdh. to interviewers i dont know really but he was so fucking annoying with the zayn jokes lmao. they were so petty and unprofessional and exhausting. 

he was 100% counting down the days though oh my god. he knew had dunkirk under his belt and considering this album is already done?? he had to have been doing that too so he was ready! since 2013 really, with jeff. you know. and i talked about this before, like him acting like a solo artist. cause he was always so obnoxious during otra compared to the other tours and like maybe thats just his personality, but he wasnt like that in any other setting, so probably not lol. i dont think he’ll mention the boys tbh. definitely not if hes not asked, and if he is, expect am quote 2.0. :) that band was the best thing to ever happen to him! he’ll defend his behaviors of not interacting with them in years ahdhdhd

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #8- “people are going to be blindsided and i'm people”- Vincent

Holy guacamole I feel terrible. On one end I have four people who decided to work together and on the other end are people they told I wanted out. I am at a bit of a loss here but I always like a challenge! I'm gonna go finish my thinking, see if it sticks, and go then voice it!

wow how am i even still here because of my strong social connections! just 7ish tribals until the end! that's so much...i have no idea what's about to happen over the next few weeks except that people are going to be blindsided and i'm people a big part of my pitch to rizo and chris was that cheatham is a threat and he needs to go...which is why now that we're all together i'm in an alliance with all of them, as well as austin and noah. this six is absolutely not going to stick together but i'm in the middle so when it falls i'm not taking the hit! annmarie and liam are cool as well, so ideally the merge vote is between sara and kyle. for me i would ideally keep kyle bc he seems less likely to try and blow up the game in a way which is bad for me, like i feel like he may help me down the line. so i'm going to try to push for that. however, neither annmarie or liam are worth saving at this time so if either of their names come up i'm going along with it this is the first time i've merged in nearly a year and i'm ready to overplay and flop!

Right now Im in an alliance with...Austin, Noah, Rizo, Vincent, and Cheatham by the name of Bottom Feeders. Tbh its just irony at this poiint I am going to end up working with people I wanted out but hey that's Survivor!

(LATER)

My plan of action is to talk with Kyle, consider having a aide alliance with him and Rizo where we get AM/Sara/Liam out and then have BF target Cheatham and/or Noah or whoever in F8/F7..stay tuned!

(EVEN LATER)

Mark my words, this week is going to expose Austin! He has Liam/AM/Sara wanting him and then Bottom Feeders so no matter how this immunity goes and tribal, he will be seen sketchy to somebody.

Wow, So last week I decided what was going on bc i have the idol. If Gwen knew how to stop talking then maybe i would’ve. ANYWAYS, this week. So I got put in three alliances. Big Time Thrush (which I was already in from pre merge) which consists of Me, Noah, Austin, and Vincent. Then there is Bottom Feeders, consisting of Me, Noah, Austin, Vincent, Rizo, Chris. Basically Rizo and Chris made that bc they are on the bottom. I don’t trust it at all. Finally, the one that i’m actually sticking with, is The Frock Destroyers, which consists of Me, Noah, Liam, Austin, Ann Marie, and Sara.... JK i’m not working with that. There is a secret 4th alliance that is the same as the last one but without Noah. I know Noah is probably reading this. Basically, I don’t like the way he talks to me. Outside of the game, I would LOVE to stay friends with Noah bc i’m sure he is a great person. INSIDE the game however, i do not appreciate when someone tells me to shut up, calls me an idiot, or tells me i’m stupid. That is NOT okay. He never listens to my ideas and he acts like this idol, is his. This idol is mine PERIOD. I was his puppet early on because i was so busy with life shit. But now i’m realizing the way he is treating me/ using me. And revenge is gonna be awesome.

Ugh....this is like trying to choose which puppy is cuter when both are identical!! It doesn't WERK! Fricken the only people I really trust fully is AnnMarie and Liam but we can't get on the same damn page. AnnMarie leans more towards Rizo/Chris/Kyle but I have DEALT with them and I know how they are. And it's been confirmed that Kyle won't split from Rizo...he said it on call that they're tight. I like Kyle...don't get me wrong...but he leaks EVERYTHING (so do I...but that's different, right?) and twists and turns things. Yes, working with OG Thrush is risky AF, but so is working against the idol and with a [new] trio, some of which have ALREADY voted for you. I mean...I've done this before where I completely flip on my old 'tribe' to work with the other side and I've won...so it isn't impossible. I also generally just don't click with the other side (as in Chris/Kyle/Rizo) as well as I do with the noobs....so even if they are tight....I'm either on the bottom of the original Petrel or the original Thrush. Noah fence....but I like Thrush better and would rather lose to them than Petrel. And that's just the way it is!

So we gave Sara immunity, I want to use it as strategy to possibly have her like me again but we will see if it works. As far everything else, Austin wants Kyle/Rizo gone. I dont know where it leaves me in his ideal pecking order but Im not waiting around long enough to ask.

(LATER)

Nah, Im not accepting this. Im not waiting for Rizo to be voted out to make mends either. Im gonna get this Petrel chat going and maybe it is the one thing that can save him and me. Im not putting all my eggs into the Bottom Feeders basket just yet and sure as heck am not a out to welcome myself to the bottom of the barrel so easily

Wow...a lot has happened. My alliance with Cheatham, Noah, and Austin supposedly merged with Chris and Rizo to create a super alliance. Guess how long that lasted? As far as I can tell, Noah is targeting Austin but tried setting it up to ensure Chris and Rizo take the fall, using information I gave him (not necessarily important info, but something which incriminates Chris/Rizo which I only told him). Austin heard about this, of course, because he's just so good at this game and everyone is gravitating towards him. I've been completely honest with him, so hopefully he has been with me. Originally the vote was supposed to be Rizo, with myself, Austin, Cheatham, Liam, AnnMarie, and Sara on board. This is why Rizo got vote against him at the challenge. However, Rizo has never targeted me personally. Comparing that to Noah, who I have heard from multiple sources was hoping that I was going to be voted out last round, voting to ensure this happened, and it was clear to me that Noah was the bigger threat to my game. Additionally, Cheatham told me things about how condescending Noah would be with him, so at that point I felt like I had to change the vote. Cheatham was on board with it, and I told Austin as well. Liam, Sara, and AnnMarie don't know (as far as I know) as of when I wrote this, but I really don't see a reason as to why they'd not want to vote Noah. After this, it's 9. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, just to see how the dynamic is structured to truly figure out whether or not Noah is the best move for me. Liam-AM-Sara are essentially a trio, and they're all good with me bc I voted with them and included them all Chris-Rizo will be an even tighter duo, with Kyle as their auxiliary, and they'll all hate me. However, because I pushed the vote off Rizo (which is evidenced by the fact he got the vote at the challenge), I don't think it's fair to say that I ruined these relationships beyond repair, which I would have if Rizo left. Austin is still the most powerful guy in the room, but he's a powerful guy who fully trusts me. Cheatham has the idol, so keeping him on my good side is essential. To be honest, earlier flushing the idol was my top priority, but now I would not mind if he kept the idol for the rest of the game. Doesn't hurt my game, and as long as Austin is here, why would he take a shot at me? So I think it's fair to say that, based on my current understanding of the dynamic, I am making the best move for my game.

Im gradually realizing Cheatham is the answer. We majorly messed up by not giving him immunity and now I want to talk to him to fix it. Rizo doesnt want me to with fear that it could ruin things but like I cant just sit here and do nothing. He doesnt wanna talk to Austin, Austin doesnt want to talk to him, OG Petrel doesnt want to talk to us, and so really this boils down to us needing to persuade Cheatham. I dont feel right if I dont talk to explain how bad of a decision it was and I'll work to fix it but for now Im just gonna do what Rizo says and wait

Merge !! Wohoo this is where the game starts and I must say I’m playing hard. And it’s starting to backfire. Chris not voting AM out our first Petrel tribal really fucked me because it showed where I lied. I was trying to play both sides and unfortunately it’s biting me in the ass. It’s crazy cuz austin is doing the same thing but it’s working for him. I got last in the challenge because my name is being mentioned and the next target. Austin is clearly the snake and I can’t say I’m mad good for him but he is someone I need out. He mentioned my name to Kyle and with a vote on me already I’m assuming I have 5 votes to my name going into tribal. I know I have Chris and Kyle on board to vote with me. Noah is next to go so he is down to vote with me and I saved Vincent so why wouldn’t he vote me. That leaves 5-5 with cheatham being the swing. I’m trying to convince him that I got his back and I truly do he is a power player With that idol and is a great shield. He is upset he wasent granted immunity by our alliance and that is a valid reason but I don’t want that to cost me my game. Cheatham says he is going to try to take the target off my back but I really want him to vote austin out with Us to make it 6-5 blindside. It would be iconic to get out a big player like austin who is playing a Rob C type of game. It just sucks cuz if I go Kyle and Chris my go too guys are next and austin will steamroll you the end. If it’s my time I played the game how I wanted to play. I’m not going to quit until my torch is snuffed but looking at it now, I have a big uphill battle but if I can pull this off, it goes down in the history books.

(LATER)

Oh shit coming back to you with some great? News. Cheatham and austin came to me stating that they will save me and they want Noah out? Is that what I want? NOPE! Will I do that to stay in the game ? YESSIR! Obviously I want noah to stay cuz he is a shield for me and seems to want to work with me but cheatham says Noah has treated him like shit and austin dislikes him. At this rate I have to lay low and just let austin and cheatham make the move to save me. I’ll tell Chris to vote noah and make sure as much votes go to noah as possible. After noah leaves I can regroup and think of a strategy but tonight the goal is to survive no matter who goes besides Chris and Kyle. I need us 3 to stick together to have a chance. But I might have some life in this game !

Am I a mess for telling Cheatham Bottom Halfs votes in the challenge? Yes. But if it keeps him more likely to want Rizo in then I'll take the consequences

SOOO. OH BOY. I'm in a pretty good alliance with Sara, Liam, cheatham, and Austin. We are all working together against everyone else. I like the comfort, but it's clear that it won't last for long. Apparently Austin is working both sides, and it's just veryyyy frustrating not knowing if there's another plan you're not a part of. I'm doing pretty good developing the trust I have with others, and I'm happy with how I'm doing right now. I want to nap.

So much has happened! So glad that Gwen's elimination went to plan and even ended up unanimous against her, she would've been even more scary in this merge. I've been taking a deliberate backseat in this past challenge because it's messy as fuck & I'd rather everyone else take the heat at the end of the day, I've not heard my name at all & both sides are speaking to me decently regularly so I don't feel in danger at all tonight. I'm hoping the votes to get Rizo eliminated are there because as much as I like the guy he rarely speaks to me & I'm not keeping around people who refuse to speak to me, enjoy ponderosa!

As of now I think the Noah votes over. Noah conveniently is told and only 4 people knew it. So it tells me that Cheatham/Austin probably planned to set us up or something. So now I just want to get Austin to own up to things...which is unlikely

Fuck Kyle lmao chatting shit at tribal with his fake woke bullshit, I'm so over this tribal & I can't wait for it to be over so we can move on and get the rest of this game underway because there's so many more angles I wanna explore & I need the people I know I can't work with on the jury.

9 votes Rizo, 2 votes Austin.

[praesidiumsystem-blog]

i was so angry for so many days and i think im finally starting to calm down. i just wanted to scream and scream and scream and tear apart everything. him, myself, everyone, everything...

ive already worn myself out of everything i wanted to say really and i cant really tell if i feel better but... its something, maybe.

in my current grief cycle i’ve gone through denial and anger, and im like, on the second half of bargaining, i think im approaching the depression stage.

theres so much anger in my heart that i never express to anyone ever because i dont want anyone to hurt because of me but i am hurt and i have to put all of these feelings somewhere...

i just feel like i hate everything, i hate my parents, i hate the vampires, i hate ferid and i wish i could rip all of the veins out of his body one by one with a scalpel for what he did to us, what he did to mika...

i hate guren, i hate him so much and i dont have anywhere to put that feeling. im so angry about everything and ive done my best to just forget it and get over it, but im still so angry and it wears me out. im so tired...

i hate him for using me, for taking advantage of my anger and trauma so he could use me, i hate him for keeping everything from me, i hate him for always keeping me at arms length, i hate him for condescending to me, for shutting me out, for making me feel stupid all the time. i hate his holier-than-thou bullshit attitude, i hate him acting like he’s above everyone else. i hate how he treats shinoa, i hate how he treats me, i hate how he treats everyone. i hate him sacrificing people for “the greater good”, the greater good my ass. he wouldn’t know the greater good if it busted his face open. he doesn’t fucking know anything.

i hate him for laughing at me when i was angry or hurt, i hate him for constantly dismissing everything i ever felt, i hate him for telling me to shut up and get over it. i hate him for leading me on and toying with me and constantly shutting me down because i didn’t do everything exactly the way he wanted it done. that’s so fucking manipulative, to deny someone something they deserve because they didnt do it Precisely the way You wanted it done. fuck what he wants. god, fuck what he wants. he doesn’t fucking deserve anything either. he didn’t deserve shinoa and he didn’t deserve me or anyone else because he treated everyone like shit and constantly acted like he was better for it and that we were all immature idiots for giving a fuck about anyone else. i hate him, i hate him so much.

i hate caring about him, i hate loving him, i hate being in love with him, i hate myself for being transparent about it, i hate myself for being desperate and disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. i was so pathetic and thinking about how i was embarrasses the hell out of me and makes me want to die because its so humiliating, he expected me to be completely transparent with him about everything i felt and never fucking told me anything about himself, it was so fucking one sided, just one sided forever and ever and ever and fucking ever and his excuse for treating me like shit was that i was just a kid and i wouldn’t understand.

i would fucking understand things if you would explain them to me. i’m not as fucking stupid as he treats me, i hate how stupid he makes me feel, it makes me want to claw out of my fucking skin. i’m not stupid! i’m not fucking stupid!!!!!!! i’m not! stop fucking making me feel so fucking worthless as if i don’t already have a million and one fucking reasons to feel fucking worthless...

just wanted to hurt myself so fucking bad the past few days because i can’t cope with it, i just black out with rage and nothing can get through to me because i have so fucking much anger and none of it means fucking anything anymore because i’m not living that life anymore. and he just gets to walk away without ever paying for his shitty behavior and treatment of everyone because the timeline is gone now. that fucking sucks.

i hate having mirror touch, i hate it, it’s the worst fucking thing about being alive in this timeline because i can still feel him hitting me, i can still feel the shaking in my chest from how scared i was, i can still feel the ringing in my ears from how loud he would scream at me. he always made me terrified, of a million different things. was it worse for me to try to (and fail to) defend myself and make him want to throw me out because i was disobedient or worse for me fucking mentally to put up with playing his game and run back and forth like a fucking rat in a cage desperately trying to figure out which lever to push so I wouldn’t get fucking hit again. i hate him for making me crazy. i hate him for making me hate myself so much more than i already did. 

if i wasn’t a seraph he would have let my ass fucking freeze to death probably, he didn’t give a fuck about me or anyone else, just himself and mahiru.

and like fuck mahiru but he Chose to do everything he did, he fucking had a choice and he chose and it was never me, I was never the choice, shinoa, yoichi, kimizuki, none of us were ever the fucking choice, ever. not once, even though we all risked our lives for His cause over and over and fucking over. because we loved him. because he was our family. he has a complex about killing his own girlfriend and somehow i get to be the lucky winner to pay for it for the rest of my fucking life because he never does anything wrong because he’s the adult and he knows what’s right. fuck him. god, fuck him so much. i hate him so much.

fuck him for putting his dead fucking demon girlfriend above me, above shinoa, above shinya, above fucking everyone else. fuck his guilt complex and his fucking dismissive abusive behavior. he made his fucking bed and he should lay in it without everybody fucking else becoming collateral for him. fuck him for hurting everyone else, not even to mention for hurting me, and he hurt me more than anyone else, because I cared about him more than anyone else did, despite everything.

he’s so fucking selfish, he has the nerve to tell me I’m being childish and selfish when the only fucking thing he ever thinks about is himself and his hurt feelings over his dead girlfriend. consider paying attention to the LIVING PEOPLE who are RISKING THEIR LIVES FOR YOU every fucking day you asshole instead of sitting around feeling fucking sorry for yourself and making everyone else pay for your selfish decisions and the mistakes you made that we had nothing to fucking do with.

if he thinks i’m so goddamn selfish and childish he should take a long fucking hard look in the mirror because he was the only influence i had growing up because no one else gave a fuck about me besides him and what he gave for me could barely be considered a fuck given the way i was treated.

is it that selfish and childish of me to want to be wanted by someone i care about? to want to be considered ever? to want to be kept in the loop and treated like my feelings matter, ever? to want some reassurance that my life has any value at all outside of my usefulness as a pawn? to want my efforts to be recognized? to want to be believed in and trusted? ever? 

i was 16 fucking years old and he expects me to have the maturity of a 40 year old just because it’s war and somehow because i don’t have that maturity that he’s very unfairly expecting me to have i’m a certified useless annoying waste of fucking space that he can barely bother to pay attention to once every 3 months because Im just So Unbearably Annoying he can barely stand to remind me to go fuck myself every few weeks. war doesn’t fucking make me not 16 years old so it doesn’t give you an excuse to abuse the fuck out of me and never pay for it because the circumstances weren’t great for you and you were stressed about other shit. the circumstances werent fucking great for anyone and everyone else wasn’t abusing each other or taking everything out on everybody else. just fucking you. it was always just fucking you.

i could give a fuck about whatever was going on with kureto or the hiiragi’s or whatever the fuck, nothing he could possibly have went through would give him an excuse to abuse me or to treat everyone below him in a military sense like we were less valuable than single celled fucking organisms. but while he was busy rubbing in my face that he So Fucking Graciously and Kindly saved my fucking life so I owed him every atom of my fucking body, when the only reason he fucking saved me in the first place was for his own benefit, I’d already decided to support him whether it got me murdered by the government or not because I fucking loved him and I was on his side. peacing out because he cant resist his dead girlfriend anymore because he’s 2 deprezzed so he fucking stabs me in the stomach and tells everyone who loved him to go fuck ourselves is some real fucking gratitude. 

im so angry, im so angry, im so angry. i have nowhere to put all of this anger. its never going to anywhere because i’ll never be able to say any of this to his face and make him sorry for everything he did. i don’t even think he’d be sorry anyway. he gets away with everything and everyone around him pays for it, that’s how it always was, and that’s how itll have to always be, and i just have to get used to it but i dont want to get used to it. 

im so fucking angry because after everything, all of this anger is just because i want him to care, i want him to care about us, i want him to care about me. i want to have value, i want to matter. i want to be considered. i want to be worthy, i want to be deserving, i want to be important. i want to mean anything at all. anything, anything at all, anything, anything. if that makes me childish and selfish i guess i’ll just have to be that way forever and accept it if that makes me deserving of condescension and belittlement and neglect and mistreatment and abuse.but i don’t think it does. but he’s never going to be around to tell me that so it doesn’t matter, so i stay feeling like i don’t matter. there’s nowhere for these feelings to go, there’s never going to be anywhere for these feelings to go.

so every now and then i just have to let the rage take me and spend a few days having a meltdown alone in my room because i fucking refuse to make anyone else feel like my shit is their fault, because it’s not. i’m not fucking like him and i never will be, and no matter how much anger and hatred i feel, i will never stoop to that level because unlike him, i give a fuck, i give more fucks than anyone. because people deserve to have fucks given about them and people deserve to be treated fairly and kindly no matter what’s going on in my head. 

i just wish he’d felt that we deserved that, too.

[uunnrreeaadd]

This has taken me way too long to write about.. and there’s so much to cover and Ill probably forget half of it so welcome to this journey. I don’t even know where we’re starting or if I even want to start but... I feel weird lately. All kinds of weird like anxious-weird, overly self conscious-weird, judging myself and my life and my path so harshly. Ive been questioning EVERYTHING and its fucking with my head so much.

I feel like my “friends” don’t like me. They make subtle jabs and gestures that make me feel unwanted, I don’t know if I’m just too sensitive or if they’re actually treating me wrong. When they read over my texts and don’t respond or when I realize they say things to each other about me when I’m not around, I feel like theres only bad to say. Ive been SO spaced out, I can barely talk to them because everytime I go to speak I start having repeated anxious thoughts in my head about “what if I sound weird or what if what I’m saying doesn’t make sense or what if this isn’t a good thing to say” and those thoughts talk over me in my head and then I end up stuttering and pausing and being awkward anyway.. its so hard to control.

It’s making my confidence fall apart. Ive started to question my personality and my ability to communicate with others so much that its taken over and I’m questioning how I feel about the person I see in the mirror; me. I’m wondering if I like myself as much as i always thought I have. I tried to go to the gym in hopes of mending my self confidence but I struggle to learn the equipment and when I reach to my friends for support I feel embarassed and like Im giving them a hard time. When I mentioned I had pulled my muscles, my one gym friend said “you need to lift smaller weights” and then the rest of the room of friends nodded in agreement and they don’t even go to the gym with me so I know its been the topic of discussion and that just makes me more scared.

I have spent a disgusting amount of time thinking about death. All of its impacts and the end of days, how the world is gonna end and how my life is going to end. I cant even FATHOM that that’s how life works, I never have and I never think I will be. Ever since the realization hit me that this is how life works, it all just ends one day and then you never ever ever ever get to be a part of this same life ever again, that’s just terrifying. Ofcourse when I say that I feel like its all going to be over tomorrow and ofcourse it wont be but.. you still never know. I’m scared to let go of my mom and my grandfather and my Dad whom I also haven’t spend nearly enough time with.

I feel like I’m constantly waiting for my job to fall apart. I always wonder if theres going to be a day that I’m asked to step down from my position. I have to give myself credit, Ive been doing a really good job and Ive started asking for feedback on my work to make sure I’m doing a good job. I just value this job more than a lot of things, I don’t want to loose it or the amazing people that have came with it. I learn so much every day about myself as a person and working with other people. I feel like I should be doing more though, I’m a supervisor, I need to instruct behaviour and call out mistakes when I see them but.. I’m really passive, I h a t e to make people feel bad or harp on their day so I let things slide more than I should.

My relationships with men are completely fucked up. I haven’t seen my Dad is god knows how long, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why he doesn’t want to communicate with me and questioning my worth. I know that’s the typical thing but its hard not to do, I’m his daughter. I came from him, shouldn’t he want to go out of his way to even say merry Christmas? Happy birthday? The last few months my relationships have just been brutal. I saw about 2 different guys after my breakup and Ive been used everytime. Each time it got worse, the first guy I kind of knew was a player but he was charming and funny and he told me things were real and that he knew he wanted me to be apart of his life.. he lied, he left like a month or something later and told my best friend it was for sex. I started seeing someone else, we met on tinder but from the very first time he spoke to me he said he wanted something real and we hit it off and connected, we made ALOT of (still beautiful) memories together, started dating, I met his family and we went on tons of dates, started having sex and then after a couple times of that he also decided to leave. I had some friends with benefits along the way and ended up catching feelings (ofcourse) every single time and THAT never goes anywhere so Ive just been left questioning over and over and OVER what is WRONG WITH ME. I don’t think these boys are the deciding factor on my self worth but I used to, and sometimes still do view myself as a magnificent person. On a good day, I think I’m super human. On a good day, I see what’s nearly perfection, I think I’m creative and uplifting, Im caring and supportive and open minded, I’m pretty, Ive got good curves and I’m really genuinely genuinely NICE. I’m a good mate, I love cooking and going out and socializing.. you know? Like why would any of these guys decided to get me and then drop me? What am I not seeing? I think there’s something about me that is just a huge turn off and I don’t have a single clue what it is and I shame myself for not understanding.

I am worried about my drawing. Tattooing is my big career path and its what I’ve hyped up to ALL of my friends and family. I’m worried I’m not as good of a drawer as I think I am.. not that I’m not constantly improving and learning, taking notes and impressing myself but.. what i feel about my work could be a whole other story to other people, especially other tattoo artists. It’s hard for me to make a portfolio because I do most of my work right here on my iPad, yknow where I can have limitless colours and endless paper.. this girl I know just landed an apprenticeship and she had this entire portfolio of amazing pen and paper drawings that she glued down onto big pieces of black Bristol board, it looked really professional and I just find that so hard to do without better tools. I feel like if I had a light board I could do it but ofcourse mines pretty much broken. It’s hard to make it look professional on an iPad where I can use different brushes and textures, kinda feels like cheating and I really want to own this craft. It’s all Ive ever wanted to do.

I left my best friend. She moved away and bad things happened in my life. I didn’t feel like I knew her like I did before and I didn’t like texting her everyday because it just felt like a constant play by play.. “oh hey i did this” “oh hey i did this other thing” “you wont believe what just happened”. Meanwhile I’m at my lowest of lows because she’s gone and IM SO ALONE but she’s in a relationship and is always telling me about the guys she’s talking to and all the hot guys where she lives and guys down there that would be great for me. I don’t understand why she would involve me so much in her love life when she knows mine is failing and I’m struggling. I even tried helping her through her relationship struggles and I put in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much energy to a toxic relationship that she’s seeming still in. I just don’t understand. I felt mistreated numerous times during our relationship, I felt there was times of her being condescending and passive aggressive, I just couldn’t take it anymore so I cut ties. I stopped having any energy to reply because I was just so fed up with how I felt I was being treated.

I don’t even think I can go on at this point, theres more but not anything that Im ready to talk about right now. A lot happened with my mom, I have weird feelings about my phone and my weed addiction.. But until next time

Love yo self and love the people you love

That shits important