#take a gander at a stereotype about trans guys! :D
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hi it is 1 am and i am here to complain
iām really fucking tired of people treating me like iām soft or fragile or innocent/naive, that kinda stuff. itās been a thing for most of my life no matter how much i try to prove its not really true, and its so frustrating. because iām easily startled and i have anxiety, iām some fragile boy meant to be protected and whose too soft for stuff.
most people donāt actually mean any harm with it. the concern is good willed and comes from a place of kindness, but ends up feeling condescending. iāll be shielded from anything mildly scary and i wonāt be told specifically why but itās pretty easy to deduce that itās because the tone is horror or itās mildly violent or whatever. the sensitivity is appreciated, but it often is either over exaggerating things iāve said i donāt like (for example i donāt particularly like gore but thatāll be overblown to like. someone avoiding telling me about shit like yandere sim. because people die. exclusively me.) or shit iām fine with but thereās a darker tone so āhe wouldnāt like itā. a lot of the time it doesnāt feel like thereās consideration for me specifically and instead an assumption of me not liking darker-toned stuff.
a lot of the time people treating me softly comes off as patronizing. something that really sticks out to me is i was asked recently to hold onto something while a person left for a moment and got told that the thing i was told to hold was there to protect ME. the legal adult. an inanimate object. another one is iāll be told for HYPOTHETICALS iām not allowed to have sharp objects because āi donāt trust you to not accidentally cut yourselfā. iāll be told i can have blunt objects, but nothing sharp. iām always characterized by being weak-willed or the anxious one andā¦ it gets very tiring. especially when none of this treatment is given to anyone else, only me. it gets noticeable.
another part of it is i tend to be less harsh on people. i try not to be too judgemental and harsh on people, maybe to a fault (iāve got more shit to work on than that). so when i run into assholes, iām treated like the innocent ātoo sweet for this worldā guy because imā¦ not a dickwad to people? i had a friend group once who all became friends bc they made a groupchat to complain about basically an entire community of people. i had nothing to add with complaints (even if i did wanna rant to the extent they did, i barely knew the people they talked about), i was just willing to listen and found it morbidly interesting. hindsight 20/20 i shouldāve figured these guys were assholes (and christ they were assholes) but that isnāt the important part. in that friend group i was ALWAYS treated like the little innocent bean and if i knew something mildly fucked up it was a shocker. which got exhausting.
at the end of the day its because i have anxiety problems. thatās the smoking gun. anxiety has always been a part of my life and mine is considerably worse than a lot of peopleās nervousness. with my friends iām the guy who has āmore anxiety problemsā and i donāt like being boiled down to that sure but i agree that i have a lot. but frankly, being treated like iām weak actually makes me feel more anxious. because it leaves me feeling pathetic and humiliated. being treated like i need to be protected only serves to make me feel either defenseless or disrespected. iām well aware that iām not a weak person. iāve been aware of this for a long time.
yes, i am a more sensitive person. sometimes iām pretty fragile. i get nervous very easily and treating me more gently isnāt exactly bad because the gentility is mindfulness of my sensitivity. thereās a line, though. because at some point it stops being sensitive and becomes being patronizing. it stops being mindful of my anxiety and becomes making me all about my anxiety. cradling someone with anxiety, or at least cradling me, isnāt the solution to anything. it makes things worse and only serves to solidify the notion that iām weak. to be blunt, being sensitive, being anxious, hell, being fragile, doesnāt mean being weak. it doesnāt mean i need to be protected and my world needs to be baby-proofed. i mean hell, i spend a lot of my time trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone because whatās the point of baby-proofing? nothing will change.
ironically i have no clue how to go about actually telling people this (despite the fact iāve had the intention to find some opportunity for months now) and somehow iāve ended up on tumblr at 1 am rambling about it. which isnāt solving anything. i really do need to go about that because itās important
ok itās 2 am now so iām leaving bye
#oh yeah lmao coming out as trans also made this worse because#take a gander at a stereotype about trans guys! :D#im 90% sure its a coincidence the majority of the time#but the mild paranoia#this is probably incoherent to some degree#lets not worry about that though#shar rambles for way too long
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