#how does everyone in the world actually turn that understanding into something .actionable.

[niuniente]

Dear people over America. I woke up to this current political news which is devastating to say the least to minorities, women and the trans community on the other side of the globe. I wanted to do what little I can to help and ease your minds.

I'm a psychic. I have been doing divination (oracle readings) for 25 years. I've got a high success rate and my reviews on my store are 5/5 (you can see this for yourself). I asked the cards for clarification for all this; why is HE the president now, and how does the nearby future look for women and trans communities.

Please note that these are collective readings of the topic and might not correlate with your own personal experiences or how things are in your home state! So take only what resonates with you and ignore the rest. (If you wish to have a personal reading, that is possible; in that case, click here)

Why Trump is the president?

This result didn't surprise me because for the past 3 years I have heard many American people, who have had a near-death experience (NDE) to say that if they have gotten a view of America's future, Trump has always appeared as being elected for the 2nd time - but only for the 2nd time.

The Spirit tells me that Trump's personal lesson is to learn to see other people's points of views. That's why he chose such a position in society, where he would need to consider many different people from different backgrounds and life situations. He needs to understand how his actions affect others.

However, he is miserably failing with this personal lesson (unless something happens and he somehow completes it now in the next 4 years). Instead of going for harmony and seeing everyone's point of view, his priority is Power. With a capital P. That's what he desires, that's what he wants (MAGA movement is based on this; power back to America, America needs to be a powerful, unyielding boxer in the global ring - only a win matters).

I asked why he wishes for this Power and it's simply because of the power's sake. He loves to be in control. He loves to feel powerful. You all are asked, as much as possible, to detach from this drama he is causing because it indeed seems like he is close to a cult leader and loves to bask in this power. He loves the idea that he can command nukes and one of the most powerful countries in the world. To get this, he is ready to cause any kind of a shitstorm - after all, he has not learned to consider others, except maybe only his own family members.

This correlates with his views of an autonomic power, where he gets all the power and can be a dictator. There's no one more powerful person alive in the world than a dictator. Anyone following him is likely learning this same lesson of empathy and understanding, and failing in it. They all want to be the King of the Hill and by following someone who already is, makes them feel like they are, too. This is all drama for dramas sake because it makes them feel more powerful.

TL;DR: Trump's life lesson is to learn to respect and honor everyone despite their backgrounds and views. What a better way to do that as a president of a nation with so many nationalities and stories of people in it. But so far he has failed miserably in this lesson and has chosen blind worship of power instead. Stirring drama is his tactic to gain more power and followers. Detach from his and his followers' drama as much as you can; block, ignore, move on. His reign will eventually come to an end.

Future for Women in The US?

A toxic masculine energy wishes to control women of America and this is not related to any single individual. The rise of misogyny is real and tangible, and women are part of this "other party" the power hungry men do not want to contemplate. It's His way or No Way at all.

This will make women turn more and more away from men, which HOPEFULLY make these men see that in order to actually have a woman and a family they so much yearn to have is to love women. Not to hate them as they now do. Not to see them as assets or items or rewards of a job well done of being a man. More and more women will choose not to have kids, choose not to date or get married, and they will choose even more carefully men who are on their side, walking next to them as a unit.

In a way or another, women WILL fight and take their power back. Peace will not be an option. If this fighting can't be done visibly, it will be done in secrecy; helping other women out, warning them of bad men and risks, aiding others to better safety and to a better life. Mind you that this also covers trans women; there are trans women and trans allies in cis women who will be willing to help. Women will turn towards one another. Men who follow this old paradigm of controlling women will be met with women's bare teeth but other women will be met with peace. I don't see anything particularly related to women who follow misogyny but I imagine with this much mental energy here, women will not abandon them but educate them. It is possible some of these women, who support this kind of regime, will later change their minds when they see how it negatively affects them, their parents, sisters, aunts, friends, cousins, coworkers etc. Some women will die in order to wake others up.

Women will turn their nurturing energies - the one this regime wants to turn towards men and babies - towards themselves. Artistic expression and expressing their feelings through any form of art will be significant. Pay attention to what kind of art women do now - it's going to be directly reflected in what's going on now. Women seem to also be looking more after their bodies, keeping themselves safe. This low level energy of control and forcing women is echoes of the past and women of America, collectively and mainly, wish not to partake in it any longer.

When it comes to men, these men who have thought that Trump will deliver them a woman to look after them and have their babies will see that it's not the case. And, if it is, the marriage is not happy and many women will fight like a trapped wild cat, scratching the eyes out of any of the people who want to trap them. This will be genuinely boggling to them and might make them angrier but their lessons are to understand what human rights are and what it means to respect others as your equal.

TL;DR: Women will turn away from misogyny and forced motherhood more and more, turning their attention and care towards themselves and other women (trans included) and leaving misogyny men angry because they have not learned to love women (not your job to teach them this, sisters!). Artistic expressions in all forms among women will be very high as it will be a way to express and deal with these current energies. Women will be even more pickier with the men they date and get married with, or even interact overall with - as they should. Anyone who wants to rip you off from your human rights is not your ally or a good partner. This will not be a shocker to anyone else but the men who believe in misogyny, as they will not get wives or girlfriends any easier - it only gets harder.

Future for Trans People in the US?

Trans people in the USA (not every state, mind you) need to "erase" their existence. Like I saw someone saying here; if you know a trans person in the USA now, no, you don't. True identities will be hidden for the safety's sake and people will flock more into underground, smaller communities. Those communities will continue to exist and support one another. This is not a total erasure but it's erasure in a way that it is better to choose carefully who really knows your true identity and who are the people to whom you are performing the identity of your physical body. So trans men will pretend to continue to be women on the outside, trans women will pretend to continue to be men on the outside but in their own safe spaces and supportive communities, they can be who they truly are.

Now, trans communities and rights will not be erased. There can be a momentary setback and time when trans people have to carefully hide their identities for their own sake but it will not be permanent. Trans people, like women's collective, WILL FIGHT. Trans people will NOT allow themselves and their fellow trans people to be erased. The time when "transpeople didn't exist because this is woke idealism", as red-wing misogyny says, WILL NOT return. People who wish for these times to come back have fallen from the evolution of humanity. Trans people will not stop existing. They will fight for their rights till the end of the world. Liberation seems to be near and this looks, in America, to be the final dark hour before the new dawn. Hang in there!

The Spirit and the cards promise that trans people will get their freedom. There's no returning back to the time when their existence was forbidden. There's a flow of prosperity and lots of freedom in the future cards so any trans person there reading this - DO NOT GIVE UP. This is temporary. This will pass. You need to play with these nasty rules for a little while but it will pass.

There's a promise of balance in work and home life, so acceptance of trans people both in private areas of their life (home, friends, communities, online blogs etc.) as well as in public (school, work, society, hospitals, other people). That kind of a future is coming, also as we move more into the Era of Aquarius, which supports human rights, different gender and sexual identities without judgment, liberation of gender and sexuality and thus the human expression itself.

TL;DR: Trans people need to lay low for now and hide their true identities for their own safety. If you know a trans person, no, you do not. They will find the support they need in their own communities but trans people will not be erased. Trans people WILL fight and there is going to be a time in the future when they can openly (once again) be who they truly are, both at home and outside home. Flow of prosperity and freedom is in the cards as a promise of the future and these energies are massive. This is only the old paradigm's final efforts to stay alive as it croaks and is forgotten. American humanity will evolve to respect trans people's human rights, too.

EVERYONE SCARED IN THE USA, KEEP GOING! This is only a temporary moment of night.

[halfdeadwallfly]

hey does anyone have any info on how to actually recognize that your actions have future consequences

[bunni-v1]

Can I please request a reader that has been so traumatised by what’s happened in the Scarabia book that they actively avoid the entire dorm and have Ace and Deuce as their guard dogs (I love those two and I really love how you wrote them as the readers protective besties during the Malleus break up fic). Like how would Kalim, Jamil and Adeuce react to that?

I find it really cathartic when I read fics that have the characters feeling guilty after what they put the reader through whilst the reader is getting support from their friends.

(Something I’m really salty about in twst is how no one ever holds the overblots accountable for what they’ve done. I full on agreed with Ace when he told Riddle that crying wasn’t going to erase all that he did before the overblot and I literally fell in love with him when he punched Riddle after he insulted us/Yuu/the player. I understand that those boys are traumatised and are in desperate need of therapy and overblotting was the only way for their problems to be solved but the treatment they inflicted on Yuu/us was downright hellish. Azul made us homeless and tore us away from the only family/comfort we had in twst (the ghosts) and then sent the tweels to terrorise us in our attempts to reclaim said home and free our friends from servitude; Jamil kidnapped us, hypnotised us, locked us up in a room against our will, isolated us from Adeuce and took away any contact we had with them, forced us on long marches in the dessert and turned a blind eye to our clear suffering during that time; Vil acted like a literal demon to not only us (and then almost made my Deucey cry) but everyone else as well and that was before he decided to try to murder an innocent teenager. Like why does no one understand just how much this can damage an actual child who has no magic and has been stripped from their home and family?)

Reader Terrified of Scarabia After Jamil’s Overblot

TW: PTSD; Mental Breakdown; Disassociation; Mentions of Abuse; Kalim and Jamil are tragic

Info: Ace, Deuce x Reader (platonic or romantic); Kalim, Grim x Reader (platonic); Jamil and Reader (neutral)

🍓I love requests like this tbh. My own OC sorta has her own grapplings with this stuff that I like to touch upon, and I’m excited I get the chance to talk about it here :) THIS IS LONG AS HELL BTW(like this intro here lol). I had a lot of fun writing it :))) I added a cute, shorter little grim part, because our little guy deserves more lovin’ than he gets. I also decided to do a cute little (read: long) intro, and then head cannons since you didn’t specify for either. I hope you enjoy this style, and I’m sorry for the wait <3

You had been through… a lot in your time at Night Raven College. Being thrown into a completely different world would’ve been enough, but it seems that the great seven thought you needed some extra troubles. You weren’t sure how you could’ve encored their wrath, but you were, and you were chugging along despite it all.

First was the attack from the phantom in the mines — something that should’ve been foreshadowing for what was to come. You didn’t even do anything to be in this position. It was Ace Grim and Deuce, but you got dragged into it all because you were “Grim’s keeper.” You managed to befriend Ace and Deuce though, so it wasn’t so bad.

Second was Riddle with his unending temper and strict rules. Despite everything telling you to just stay out of it, your good-natured heart just couldn’t stop you from helping Ace and Deuce. Nearly dying in the process, you managed to help Riddle and made newfound friends in Heartslabyul. 

Third came Leona, the selfish, stuck-up, lazy no-good prince of the Savannah. You knew he was trouble from the start, and you wanted nothing to do with him or his little lackey Ruggie. Then he hurt Trey, and you couldn’t stand by while he reigned terror on the school. He was a favorable ally to gain in the end, so you could dismiss his actions so long as he kept in his lane.

Fourth was Azul, another student you figured would cause you trouble. With the extra scary Jade and Floyd always tailing him, and that too buttery sweet voice of his, you were determined to keep your distance. Again, however, your friends were in trouble and you couldn’t help but help them. Azul was a broken person, and you could sympathize with his struggles. He even gave you a job at the lounge to help with funding yourself, so he couldn’t be all that bad.

You’d come to dislike the other house wardens out of principle. A pattern had emerged among them, and you weren’t going to fall victim to another horrific overblot. You still had suction cup-shaped bruises on your arm from Azul’s breakdown. Leona had given you more than just a nasty burn from the scalding hot whirlwind of sand he conjured up. The scars Riddle left behind on your face and arms were healed, but they still ached when you touched them. All painful reminders that you could not truly trust anyone here, that anyone could lose control of themselves and hurt you. Yet…

When you met Jamil in the kitchen, he seemed so kind to both you and Grim. He seemed so genuine and honest. Maybe it was wishful thinking, or maybe it was you missing your friends, but you wanted to trust him despite your gut feeling to be distrustful. Could everyone here really be that bad? Certainly not. Ace Deuce and Jack went here as well… so surely… surely…

The alarm bells didn’t ring at all during the dinner, and Kalim — despite everything you’ve been through — seemed so nice, if not a little overbearing. You could see the tiredness on Jamil's face, and you had the kindness in your heart to express your sympathies. And oh, Jamil so humbly assured you that he was fine. Filling your head with little half-truths and ideas that Kalim had been overworking not only him but the other students. That he had been acting “off” as of late.

You saw Kalim’s sudden shifts in personality. How he would be so sweet, so kind and soft. How he made sure you were enjoying yourself, made sure you ate to your heart's content, made sure you were comfortable in your uniform and your sleeping quarters. Then he would be yelling at everyone, demanding unspeakable exercises and work.

If Ace were there with you, he would’ve called bullshit. Still, you trusted Jamil to start. You actually believed he was kind and had good intentions. You believed that Kalim was the real evil here.

Then he wouldn’t let you and Grim leave, and the students were suddenly so aggressive toward you. He took everything you had and stripped you of your dignity and pride until there was nothing left but fight.

Truly, you didn’t realize it was him that was the issue until he was over-blotting in front of your eyes. It wasn’t an unusual sight to you at that point, you’d defeated multiple overblots and befriended these people. You don’t know what it was. The way you’d trusted him. The fact that you felt truly alone without Ace and Deuce. This one broke you…

You just didn’t feel a damn thing after he was saved. You felt no pity, no joy, no relief. Absolutely nothing, an empty void in your chest. Even as everyone around you celebrated, there was nothing. You stood watching everyone parade around with glee blankly, unable to speak to anyone around you. Just listening to the voices that had begun to mesh together.

You didn’t show anything until Ace and Deuce showed up. Something about their faces, the way they were looking over you, the way they seemed so scared for your wellbeing… it made you cry. It made you cry and cry and cry until you couldn’t make any noise and then you cried some more. They had to drag you away from everyone because you just couldn’t quite stand upright when Deuce would try to get you to walk away with him…

The days after were blurry. You remained holed up in your dorm, unable to really move from your bed. Ace and Deuce stayed in their own separate room next to yours. You could hear them talking through the walls about how worried they were about you, how angry they were at Jamil, how angry they were at themselves for not getting there in time to help you. If you’d had the energy, you would’ve scolded them for being so hard on themselves, but you could hardly speak in the first place.

They cared for you as best as they could. Deuce attempted to cook the recipes Trey sent him over magicam, making sure you ate and stayed hydrated. Occasionally you’d hear Azul downstairs, and Deuce would give you something nice from the Monstrolounge — free of charge, he promised. You could tell that he wasn’t sleeping much in his worry over you. 

Grim remained at your side as loyal as a dog and boasting that he’d keep you safe, but you knew he was scared too. He proclaimed that he would keep you safe, but you could feel him trembling at every sudden noise. You had to comfort him from the horrific nightmares he was having. That was okay, though, he was family and you were his.

Ace was the only one who really kicked your ass into gear. He’d tug you out of bed and into the shower as people began to return from winter break. Made you go on walks around campus to show you that you were completely safe. Eventually, he’d been able to get you to visit Azul to thank him directly for his kindness. He wasn’t soft or gentle with you, that wasn’t in his character at all, but he made sure you felt safe enough to return to classes before they started.

They both worked hard to help you recover, but you were still so afraid…

Ace

-Ace isn’t exactly the most comforting person, and he never claimed to be. 

-He’s not good at reassuring people, but he’s good at being honest, and if he was being honest he knew that you were safe around him and Deuce.

-He walks you to and from classes, spends most of his nights in your dorm doing whatever the hell you’d like him to do without complaint, distracts you when you’re freaking out, and most importantly keeps that snake as far away from you as possible.

-If he was being honest with himself, which was his whole thing, he didn’t really get your reaction to everything. 

-You’ve all been through this before, it's textbook at this point. A guy does some shady shit, a guy gets caught doing said shady shit, a guy overblots, and you defeat a guy with the power of friendship. Boom. Done.

-He’d get it more if you were completely alone, but grim and the octanivelle freaks were there! Kalim too, and he’s always seemed pretty nice. Not the best company, sure, but still you had people helping you out.

-When he looks at your face and sees how tired you are, he forgets the logical stuff. All he can hear are those horrific sobs you let out when you saw him and how you nearly ripped his uniform in half with how tightly you were holding him and Deuce.

-If that was too much for him, he can’t imagine how badly it must’ve felt for you. How bad it must still feel.

-So screw what he thinks, he’s gotta make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

-He doesn’t ask you how you’re feeling, he knows it's not good. He focuses on keeping your mind off of everything that might trigger you.

-Reroutes your paths to classes to avoid Jamil and Kalim completely. Sure it’s longer and more annoying, but it's better than you going dead silent and shutting him and everyone else out again.

-He does everything in his power and you’re doing so well… and then the VDC happens. 

-You’re given the title of manager and you’re forced to be around these people who terrify you. 

-Vil won’t budge on anything and sevens Ace wishes Rook would let him try out a little target practice with the (illegal) bow and arrows he’s got in his room.

-He keeps himself between you and Jamil at all costs. He won’t let Jamil bother you at all, not that he was trying in the first place.

-The real issue is Kalim, which sounds crazy, but it’s true.

-Kalim is so… forceful. A pretty strong word, but honestly the only one Ace can think to use.

-He’s really nice, really sweet, seriously such a good guy… but you’re still unsettled by him.

-There are several times during practices that Ace has to yell at him to just leave you alone.

-Sure, it gets him a pretty big scolding from Vil, but he couldn’t care less honestly. He doesn’t wanna risk you having a panic attack because Vil doesn’t wanna be a responsible leader.

-You confide in Ace a lot. How you really want to move past all this, but Crowley won’t provide you with any form of therapy, and you’re just not ready to forgive Jamil or Kalim for what happened.

-He won’t tell you this, but hearing you talk like this breaks his heart.

-You’re normally so strong, so brave, so confident… and now you’re absolutely broken.

-He’s proud of you for putting on a brave face to placate Vil, but he’s angry you have to.

-Surprisingly, though, you do begin to warm up to Kalim. Just a little. 

-It's only when Ace, Deuce, or Grim is around, but it's a really big step forward in his eyes.

-You’re getting back to where you used to be little by little.

-He still won’t give you or Jamil the chance to reconcile, but you honestly couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Deuce

-Deuce is incredibly different from Ace in how he handles everything.

-He’s a delinquent, sure, but he’s a Mama’s boy at heart. Therefore, he’s much more equipped to help you emotionally through all this than Ace.

-Where Ace is the harsh pushing force to keep you going, Deuce is the calm where you can rest and cry your heart out for as long as you need.

-As I mentioned, he makes sure you’re eating and drinking and at least speaking to someone.

-He asks Trey for recipes without leading on to what’s going on and asks Cater for advice on helping someone feel safe after a traumatic experience.

-It’s not subtle, but it helps.

-He handles making all your meals, even though he isn’t the best cook, he absolutely puts all his heart and soul into everything he makes.

-A good portion of his days are dedicated to cooking for you, and he gets pretty damn good at it by the time classes start up again!

-With Sam’s shop closed, he has to go into town to get the ingredients he needs, and then he has to spend hours preparing and serving the food.

-He watches you eat, encouraging you that everything is safe and that he made it all by himself by hand. 

-He doesn’t question why things ended up this way for you, he wonders how can I help?

-And he does help, a lot, more than just with food.

-Sometimes, late at night, he hears you crying alone in your room. He gets up from his own bed, quietly enters your room, and holds you and grim while you both tremble in fear.

-It makes him so mad. Mad that this happened to you. Mad that Jamil did this in the first place. Mad that he couldn’t help more than he already is. 

-Like Ace, he accompanies you to all your classes and makes sure to stay close to your side if any Scarabia students are around.

-He’ll go anywhere you need him to, and if you’re not comfortable being alone and he’s got plans, you’re invited to join him. No matter what anyone else thinks.

-Things get better little by little. You make strides in your ability to be independent again and you’re smiling and joking around like you used to. You even agreed to try out for the VDC with him and Ace… a big mistake.

-He didn’t expect to actually get in, let alone get in with Jamil and Kalim. If it were just that he could’ve been civil, but no, you had to be dragged in too… because that’s always how it works out.

-He has to hold himself from getting in Jamil’s face more than once because just him looking at you is enough to send you into a clear panic attack.

-Deuce does his best to comfort you between all of this, though. Being your shoulder to cry on and trying his best to be your protector… it's just hard. Hard to see you like that, and hard to keep his cool for your sake.

-It's worse with Kalim because both you and Deuce know he means well. You both know he wants to reconcile, but you’re not quite ready.

-Deuce helps the confrontation with the two feel a bit easier though. He acts as a mediator between you and Kalim, and eventually, he’s proud to say he helped you trust Kalim just a little bit.

-Jamil… both of you could use some work, but Deuce is more willing to hear you out on him than Ace is.

Grim

-Grim was there with you the whole time. He understands the fear you’re feeling deeper than anyone else.

-He could just tell something was wrong the second he saw your face. Despite all the celebrations, he was focused on making sure you were at least a little okay.

-He tried to talk to you, tried to make you feel okay, but the only comfort he could offer you was letting you hold him while you cried.

-He could still hear your cries, and they made him want to cry too. He almost did, but he was your guard cat — he had to be strong for you.

-Unlike Ace and Deuce, he never left your side. Not a second. He was there with you from the moment you were unwittingly kidnapped to the sleepless nights in your dorm to the horror of finding out you’d have to work closely with Jamil for the VDC.

-He made his distaste for him very known, sure to make a snarky comment at least once every time he saw him. 

-It was so bad, at one point, that Vil had to give him a stern talking to. He didn’t stop regardless.

-You are Grim’s best friend, the only family he has, and Jamil hurt you in unspeakable ways. He couldn’t just sit back and be okay with that.

-He’s really such a good guy.

Kalim

-Kalim means well. With his whole heart, he has the best intentions… just not the best execution.

-See, he didn’t notice initially that anything was really wrong the whole time.

-He didn’t suspect Jamil at all. In fact, he thought that you were really enjoying your stay in Scarabia, you seemed so happy and chatty up until Jamil flipped things on their head.

-Call him air-headed, but he was caught up in his own whirlwind of emotions at the time. You know, the whole betrayal of his supposed best friend took a toll on him too.

-It wasn’t until you were sobbing your throat raw that he realized something was really wrong.

-The look of sheer terror on your face when you made eye contact with him sent shivers up his spine.

-He knew that look. He’d worn that look on his own face too many times as a young child.

-Believe it or not, without Jamil’s intervention, he knew to keep his distance. He knew he had to give you time to adjust.

-Then a few days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a little over a month, and he had hardly seen you around campus.

-You are avoiding your normal route to class, and when he did see you he was also greeted by the harsh glares of your good friends.

-He understood if you’d never want to talk to him ever again, honestly. He couldn’t blame you. You were more headstrong than him, after all.

-Still, when the VDC came around… he was hopeful. Truly he was hoping that something would give.

-He would talk to you in hopes of showing you that he meant no harm, but Ace or Deuce or even Grim would shove their way between the two of you.

-Several times Jamil had to tell him to knock it off because “It’s not worth forcing.”

-Still, he wanted you to know he felt bad. He felt horrible.

-In a very un-Kalim-like move, he quietly asks you if you can speak with him. Alone. But in a crowded enough area that you wouldn’t feel threatened.

-He didn’t expect you to accept it, he wouldn’t have blamed you at all. But you said yes. 

-You showed up, with Grim by your side, which was fine. He earned some apologies too.

-He poured his heart out to you, apologizing for things that he couldn’t even control. In turn, he listened to you rant about how scared you were, how angry you were, how you wished you were any of these things.

-And after that, things improved. Slowly, but surely. You became more comfortable around him, and you spoke to him again.

-Sure, you wouldn’t be caught dead at one of Scarabia’s parties, but you considered him a friend. 

-That’s all he could ask for.

Jamil

-Jamil is the monster in your story. 

-He’s the evil guy who kidnapped, manipulated and lied to you.

-He’s the one who used his misplaced anger as an excuse to hurt others.

-He’s the boogyman who made you endure days of long and hard training, just because he could.

-Of course, he felt bad. What he did was unspeakable, but he was more concerned with how his reputation would last after the overblot.

-More concerned with it not getting out for the safety of his family.

-Even with you sobbing, he just thought you were being dramatic in all honesty. You have a reputation already, he knew you’d been through this whole thing before.

-It didn’t really strike him how badly it affected you.

-He didn’t notice how you switched paths, how you were never in the same area as him for long, and the glares of your friends never once phased him.

-Even Ace’s snarky comments during basketball didn’t bother him for a second.

It wasn’t until he accidentally bumped into you in the hallway, and he saw the look on your face that he realized.

-The terror in your eyes, the way you shrunk back as if he would strike you. It was the same way his parents acted around the Asim’s.

-If he were a more insane man, he might’ve found it liberating, but it wasn’t.

-He had become what he hated to you, he had done what he hated to you. 

-Jamil was not only your monster, but he was his own.

-He steers clear of you and keeps as much distance as possible for both your sakes.

-He couldn’t handle someone looking at him like that, and he was sure you couldn’t handle the sight of him after what he did.

-Still, this is NRC, and luck is never on anyone's side here.

-Both of you are forced into a position where you cannot escape the other, you have to learn to live with the awful pits in your stomachs.

-He keeps Kalim away until you both are on good terms, then he simply watches quietly.

-He won’t apologize, he won’t antagonize, he won’t speak unless spoken to.

-You two never truly recover your small lasting friendship, but you do make amends with each other.

-During the trip to the scalding sands, you get to meet Najma, whom he’s confided in about ‘accidentally upsetting a classmate’.

-You get to have a good talk with her, and it makes you really realize some things about Jamil.

-You realize he’s just as broken as you, just as tired as you, and that he feels the most immense amount of guilt for hurting you.

-You, being you, find it in your soul to forgive him.

-Nothing really changes between you. The guilt is still there, and the fear still shakes you to your core, but you both have closure.

-In a situation like this, closure is the best grace a person can ever have.

[snowleopardcrk]

more symbolism!!!

ah yes, more Midnight Lily, a silverbell cameo and two Moonflower doodles. AU by @cuppajj

For Moonflowers story, we have her main conflict with her father, Saint Vanilla Cookie. But what about Midnight Lily Cookie, her mother? To give a little context for whats coming up, Moonflowers story theming around the Saint where Moonflower symbolizes the Moon, which includes the Solar Eclipse to contrast the Saints light themed imagery. Plus Moonflowers additional and more religious theming being based on the Spirit of Apostasy.

It is abundantly clear that Midnight Lily is an enabler of the other Neo Beasts, while to some extent understandable as she is the weakest of the Neo Beasts (she has long crossed the line of it being acceptable).

To compliment well with the general religious theming, I did additional research into the role of a mother in the lens of the Bible. 'the mother is one who "binds" the family together, holding them together individually and collectively through her love and actions' Despite how broken the family is, the only remaining connection that Moonflower has with the Saint IS Midnight Lily. And in return, she does care for her daughter and the Saint at some level. Yet, she does nothing to genuinely mend what has been broken (no one is, Moonflower is afraid of her father and the Saint is so delusional that he believes that this is the best course of action to save everyone). This fits her pattern of enabling and being generally passive to the world around her, for the most part.

Another aspect that I have neglected to mention is her slow-burn of a plan, she seeks by the end to have the others at least playing by her rules, but also not liking when her children do things she does not like. This is now territory where I do a lot of guess work and personal thoughts n' research so this is very much subject to change if anymore gets revealed.

How I have understood the few tidbits we get about the Beast of Sovereignty, she is an enabler and insecure about being the weakest. And I think her insecurity in some way, even if unintentional may reflect on her relationships where she is the one in power. In general, she is fine with her kids, generally passive until they get too unruly. At that point, she will remind them with harsh words who the mother is. I'd like to note quickly, she will NEVER get physical. She only uses WORDS. It is also important to note that she does wish for her child to understand where she is coming from. She is an enabler because she holds little power over the beasts, but in dynamics where she is the one in power, this side vanishes for the most part. Despite valuing sovereignty I believe she still wants to retain some level of control so Cookies don't do things she does not like. This is generally in line with how leadership generally operate, they don't care when you're doing smth positive, but when it turns negative, that's when it starts turning sour.

As for the actual arc of Midnight Lily and Moonflower, I have a general framing but it is difficult to make something as substantial as the one she has with Saint Vanilla. Gotta wait until I get more lore and story for the gal. But in short, it is a conflict of the two trying to make each other understand their respective sides. With Moonflower trying to save her mother, her only remaining parental figure from being a beast- while Midnight Lily seeks to make Moonflower truly understand her side and hopefully have Moonflower join her permanently.

Heres other tidbits for Moonflower and her relationship with the Creme Republic. For her ventures to the Silver Kingdom are actually secret. She is a very powerful and talented magic user (similar to her parents), so her travelling long distances quickly is very possible. Moonflower is already an outcast in the Republic, it is well known who her parents are. And Cookies keep their distance, there are very few Cookies who come and check in her. Its mostly some scientists who are researching the neo beasts (espresso, maybe, depends on his condition in this au), Clotted Cream Cookie, GingerBrave, Financer (sort of, she tags along the Consul) and depending on the direction of the story, Madelaine Cookie(I will start really brewing something here once more stuff comes out~). She stays isolated in her lab in the undercity, she never comes out, and when she does, she hides her face and just retrieves things like food or research material. It is normal for her to not talk with anyone for well over a week with nothing but a single lost Raisin Crow to keep her company. I'd like to note that this raisin crow is now an albino, and Black Raisin tasked Moonflower to take care of it since it was bullied and ousted by the other raisin crows (I took inspo from the myth, but it is generally agreed that white color corvids are subordinate to the colored ones).

But she is also an outcast in the silver kingdom, despite being Midnight Lilys kid (its a well known fact), she has gotten into disagreements with their monarch and isn't the upmost loyal member- she has a strong stigma around her. Silverbell Cookie does take pity on Moonflower.

That's all for now. I'm gonna lay down, I've done so much research...I silently weep at the thought of fully showing the complexity of the three in full force.

[shesmore-shoebill]

braindump of additional smosh vs zombies thoughts after the final episode:

In general, @ the players. Everyone did SO fucking good, okay. All of them I think hit a perfect blend of committing to the characters, trying to make smart choices, but also not getting so attached to keeping their characters alive that they weren't willing to take big swings. Shayne, whose character died TWICE. Was definitely not too precious about keeping his character alive, but like. WOW Courtney Amanda and Spencer all really were unafraid to both try to give their characters growth and change while still leaning into character-appropriate moves.

Amanda especially did such a good fucking job of like. Making big swings that made sense. As Gracie's worms progressed, Amanda actively gave Gracie character growth and depth even while committing to the comedy and horror of the worm infections. Shes so unafraid of committing to the character both comedically and narratively, its a fucking gift.

And of course, Brodie's character being hilarious until the very end coupled with the sacrifice.....

It was VERY satisfying to see Savannah full of (justified) rage throughout the last episode. Aware that she's not being treated well, aware that she's saving everyone's asses and is hands down the most capable person there. And ANGRY about it.

But even when she is angry. She is loyal. She sees a worm under Gracie's skin and- walks away, but doesn't leave, doesn't reveal it. She recieves the key and rages about being left- but still chooses to go after her. She's furious, but still, goes to the research area to get Gracie the cure. She is furuous, she knows she deserves better, she knows how capable she is now. And still she chooses. Gracie. And if that's not wildly codependent pretty toxic vaguely homoerotic gay girlie bffism idk what is.

Also Savannah fucking COOL AS SHIT in this episode. Hello. Action hero shit. Evades the blue worms. Gets the cures. Cures HERSELF. Queen shit.

Gracie's aggressive dedication to her father was obvs played up for comedy but can be so compelling if taken seriously. She doesn't even know how to conceptualize disagreeing with him. She's sure he'll keep her safe and to an extent she's RIGHT. He will. But only her. And in this world that means something different. Unquestioningly trusting him, unquestionably listening to him means something more. Her father asks her to kill Brodie and she basically does. Because she loves Brodie but loves her father more.

(And then they get there, and her father asks her to get rid of Savannah and Gracie doesn't. She doesn't want to.

Actually that alone has me unwell, Gracie tries to kill Brodie at her dad's request and then draws the line at Savannah. yk? yk? yk?)

Its so compelling to have Gracie as a character understand empathy and sacrifice and start unlearning her selfishness in the same moments that she is being devoured by worms and losing her control and humanity. Its VERY compelling. She is finally trying to look inward a bit, and its when being devoured from the inside out. The scene of her in the bathroom, turned away from Brodie, telling him to leave while half her face writhes with worms. She is trying to be better and probably won't survive long enough to actually do it.

Its also very comedic of like. She got some worms that ate her brain a little bit and not only is she not that much worse off, shes actually better as a person. Character development brainworms. Its kind of hilarious.

Brodie's fascination with and love for and dedication to Gracie despite her being terrible to him generally and their relationship being so new was both hilarious and touching in the way of classic horror/apocalypse/action movies. He's at the top of the bunker going "Well i gotta go get my gf!!!!" and its toxic and hilarious and like. vaguely sweet in the tropey movie way. Same thing with the love confession. And same thing with the heroic sacrifice. It was ridiculous, hilarious, dramatic, sincere, and deeply genre-appropriate. Fantastic way to play a romance in this genre with character who are generally pretty unpleasant and are only getting an ounce of growth in, truly, the 11th hour.

And honestly I was obsessed with the dynamic at the end. It was really "Gracie, her boyfriend Brodie, and Gracie's Savannah". No questions about it. It didnt even feel like Savannah would have been thirdwheeling it was just . Of course. Brodie loves Gracie. Gracie loves Brodie. Savannah loves/is devoted to Gracie, until the end. Gracie loves/is dependent on Savannah. Until the end. Obsessed with this. Obsessed.

Gracie saying to Savannah: "thank you for saving my life." Savannah saying: "Anytime." wow.

I probably need to write a separate post about Savannah/Gracie if I want to take their dynamic seriously actually. Its so compelling.

Savannah and Gracie in a nearly-empty shuttle shooting towards the moon together while Earth succumbs to manmade worm apocalypse is not a happy ending, but it also felt so right for both the genre and these trashfires of protagonists. They were all a little self absorbed and rash and foolish. Going to the moon doesn't actually solve any of the issues. The world is still dying by worm. Gracie's father is furious. I don't think Savannah or Gracie know how to fly a ship, much less survive on one? Or the moon. They're probably fucked.

But in this kind of scenario that's as good of an ending as youll get. And if nothing else, wow what a win for codependent toxic yuri-ism. Gracie finally realizing how valuable Savannah is, how much she loves her friends and how valuable it is that they love her- loved her. Savannah coming into her own confidence and still choosing Gracie as her priority- but consciously making that choice. Alone in a shuttle to the moon while the world dies. fucked up. very fun. veeery fun.

[swga-ficrecs]

long fic recs

this is a list of fics that are, well, long regardless of the trope and plot. for voracious readers who aren't satisfied with short-length writing. all these fics are considered holy grails because i don't read long fics if they aren't well-written. all fics are finished unless noted otherwise.

✒️ unfinished

yoongi

third wheeling by @untaemedqueen  i absolutely love everything about this. it's a lot of my favorite tropes in one giant fic. the characters are complex and fleshed out, the pacing is good, and i love the writing style. the smut is well-written and, though the catalyst for the plot, well-paced that it doesn't feel like a smut-centric fic.

suit & tie + drabbles by @jungshookz this is is a long fic but in bullet points, so i can only imagine how long this could've been if it was written in full sentences. another fic where yoongi does a 180°, but their dynamic is adorable from the beginning. not a lot of drama, a good fic to go back to if you want something lighthearted. you can probably tell by now that i love ceo fics.

desolate by @angelicyoongie this fic is long but has a very straightforward style of writing that's easy to follow and understand. it's one of the few hybrid fics i've read where they fight for a hybrid's right to freedom. i love how much yoongi opened up and changed throughout the fic. it's one of those fics where the idea of a hybrid isn't romanticized.

the deal by @untaemedqueen a great introduction to syndicate fics if you're looking for one. this is a chaptered fic that isn't too long and is easily digestible. it doesn't touch on mafia-esque activities so much. i have a thing for romance fics where the stone cold character evolves into a romantic, and this tickles that itch.

jimin

balletteacher!jimin x ballerina!reader by @jungshookz ✒️ this bullet point mini-series should be considered a full series already, considering the length of each drabble and how many of them exist. this is a forbidden romance between a teacher and a student with different personalities, so it's interesting and endearing how they developed their feelings over time.

i want to be with you by @oddinary4bts

a lengthy oneshot of strangers-turned-lovers and how love grows slowly between two people who are worlds apart. very well-written, i dreaded how quickly i finished reading it. i love how human jimin is in this fic. the oc is very relatable as well—very realistic and not overtly romanticized. i can easily identify myself in her if i were in her shoes.

taehyung

maybe i do by @chateautae another fic that is a mix of my favorite tropes. this fic has fewer but longer chapters. another smut-filled fic that doesn't feel overworked and serves as a good break between dramatic scenes. i love how both characters developed throughout the story.

jungkook

please love me by @ahundredtimesover i loved the complexity of the characters and how they navigated through their situation. they both had to do a lot of growing up in this fic, and it was done in a well-paced manner. the drabbles also give a lot of insight to this universe. i go back and read the drabbles a lot.

evolution of a lover's heart by @jeonstudios

a heartwrenching masterpiece. i waited a long time for this to be finished, and it did not disappoint at all. one of the most emotional and resonating fics i've read so far. my heart feels for both of them so much. the kind of love that people wish they would have.

the boy with galaxies in his eyes by @oddinary4bts

an emotionally captivating and heartwrenching oneshot that i never expected to read. both characters were well-written and well-fleshed out, it was easy to fall in love with them and understand their actions. the writing itself was really magical too—flowed so smoothly, it didn't feel as long as it actually was. an absolute hidden gem that everyone should read!

4-7-8 by @jiminrings

not the longest of fics, but a great read nonetheless. i read this a while back, and it was only after i reread it that i was able to truly appreciate the characters and their development. it has a very realistic plot that tugs at my heartstrings. everyone deserves this kind of partner and love.

our first and last by @thedefinitionofbts ✨️

if you love the concept of alternate universes and soulmates, this is a must read. the author utilized scientific concepts that i had a hard time grasping and, at the same time, supported the plot really well. i'm so glad i came across this fic.

multi-member

sanguis duology + (ongoing) oneshots by @borathae absolute monster of a fic, probably one of the longest ones i've read. even though i was annoyed at mc's stubborness, i think it was a driving force throughout the fic. i also never imagined the pairings in this, but i enjoyed the ride. there were some parts where i felt the author could've woven details better to make the story smoother, but it's charming in the sense that i need to think and connect the dots from previous chapters.

a place called home by @agustdakasuga i keep re-reading this fic every few years. i loved how each hybrid came into her life and how they eventually stayed. i also appreciate how each hybrid's personality isn't necessarily stereotypical. great pacing in each chapter, good to read if you like chaptered fics that aren't very long.

the road to you by @bonvoyagenoona

a slow burn masterpiece. this fic is a rollercoaster of experiences that is complemented by terrific writing and pacing. it's very instrospective, which is something i personally like. it has a little bit of everything and a good amount of smut, but it all works wonderfully together, the words flew by quickly.

[beemovieerotica]

ugh no I do have more to say about this

the replies on my posts have revealed this absolutist notion people have on identity i.e. the necessity of identifying as a victim. because so many people are harping on "well, the child never said she was exploited or groomed. so until she comes out and says it, we can't say anything!"

and like. I need everyone to understand that this viewpoint is fundamentally missing the entire fucking point of what grooming is - and people on here are continually paying lipservice to stopping something they wouldn't even be able to identify? 💀

the entire process of grooming is convincing someone that what is happening to them is normal, that it's preferable, that they are "chosen" and special and remarkable for receiving this attention. it is above all creating the false perception that the child has a CHOICE in the matter (which the child will attest to) and these gut-wrenching realizations often don't hit until well into adulthood (if fucking ever)

yes, I'm agitated about this because I had to listen to a friend in her mid-20s say that the relationship she had at age 14 with a 40 year old man was something that she "wanted" and she didn't feel like the man had groomed her at all. there are other people in my life who have been groomed and if you have not been there for someone who's gone through it, you have no concept of how long it takes for people to identify and face these patterns from their childhood and speak out about what happened. a youtuber who just turned 18 will not say it. an ex-child pageant teen will not say it. someone's inability to speak on it does not mean that the harm did not happen.

I'm using the analogy of child pageants because it's another situation where half the population recognizes it as grooming, while the other half is caught up in this idea of "nobody's *making* the girls do this, they're so excited and they want to be here! their parents aren't physically pushing them out onto the stage. they're smiling and having a great time. they say they're fine."

and it's just so deeply missing the point of what it is to be a child. with so little power, living in a household and fed and clothed and only allowed to do fun things by the good graces of someone from whom you've gotten almost your whole outlook of the world from.

no, nobody's dragging them out onto the stage. the parents of child youtubers also aren't forcing them to press record. but there is such a lack of basic analysis happening where people completely ignore the actual material rewards, motivations, and praise that these children continually get from their parents in order to keep doing that which is profitable - to keep performing actions which gratify strangers who are not invested in the safety of that child.

so we should be able to simultaneously acknowledge that parents make their kids do pageants / parents make their kids bring in ad revenue, alongside the fact that yes! kids have free will! and some of these things that kids do happens to be fun for them! but I am just asking people to ponder the difference between a) a kid playing dress up at home, running around with the family video camera and recording some home videos that only their siblings and parents will ever see

and b) a parent seeing that this brings their child joy, and going on to purchase elaborate costumes, props, makeup, cameras, microphone, laptop etc for the purpose of putting their kid directly in the public eye in a provocative manner that makes money

if people are still insisting that this act falls on a moral spectrum based on whatever nebulous "intentions" beyond money the parent has, then it's somewhere between active financial exploitation and flat out grooming, and that's it. a parent who cultivates an environment in which their child is incentivized, praised, and materially enabled to perform a behavior, ("you can pay for college by doing this!") in the very limited space in which a child may exercise their free will, in full reliance on that parent for their literal survival --- that parent is, in fact, exploiting them.

[twst-hottest-takes]

I’m so tired of Malleus stans (and arguably the game) brushing his issues under the rug. He’s not just a lonely guy who’s been isolated by his status and power from his peers who refuse to understand him. Or just some sheltered prince who means well but is a little out of touch and doesn’t fully understand the other races’ norms.

In his dorm vignette, the other dorm leaders get upset about him skipping meetings even after exhausting every reasonable way to get him to attend. His response? Treat them like inanimate objects by teleporting to his location for his convenience. In the second Halloween event, Malleus relates to the ghosts who are sad they missed the Halloween festivities because he also misses many events. His response? Abduct a significant amount of his fellow students into a hostile realm for a party he did not inform them of. And then make everyone else engage in a treasure hunt to find the students. And then he gets mad when he finds out that the others rightfully treated this as a hostile situation and blames them for the possessions that happened to his fellow students. Or how about the multiple instances of Malleus being patronizing towards the non-fae students?

I just find issues with Crown Prince Malleus Draconia constantly being babied for his actions when he should have been taught by now to have a little more self-awareness. He may still be very young for his species of fae, but a crown prince would still be trained to behave in a way befitting of his status. I don’t see any other character (especially among the OBs) get this much defense for misdeeds.

I mean, it's kind of true . . . at least as far as the game is concerned.

Real talk, Malleus can be a cheeky brat sometimes. He gets away with a lot in game and out because of his power, status, and relative immaturity. It's too easy to reason away his actions no matter how inconvenient they are or what problems they cause. The fact that no one has the power to feasibly fight back against his whims (like what's causing most of Chapter 7's current story) makes it pretty frustrating to boot. On top of all that, if the game follows its pattern for how Overblots have been treated so far--and I strongly suspect it will--Malleus isn't even going to be properly punished for causing a potentially world ending catastrophe and putting everyone in danger. He should honestly be expelled from the school at the VERY least!

Don't get me wrong, I love Malleus and enjoy his character greatly, but he's way too powerful to be acting the way he does. In the game it's emphasized repeatedly how stupidly strong he is, and even though I subscribe to the idea of him being not very mature for a fae creature, anon is right that he doesn't seem to get any flack for how badly just his mood shifts affect the world around him. I don't know if it's ever really addressed if his changing the weather when he gets upset is something he can control or not, let alone if he's made any actual strides to be more mindful about how they affect the people around him (despite apparently being told off by Lilia at least once about how much trouble a tantrum can cause).

I can't comment on the state of the fandom defending Malleus' unpleasant behaviors because I haven't seen it myself. However, the game does give anyone who might want to baby him A LOT to work with, so I wouldn't be surprised if anon' observation turned out to be accurate.

Thank you for your take!

[lovelymoira]

a major reason geto is so interesting as an antagonist is because within a story centered around heroic sorcerers, he is attempting to save the sorcerers themselves instead of the people. he thinks what he's doing benefits them, benefits the world essentially.

the purpose of a jujutsu sorcerer is to be a savior, and he fits that role to a T. however who he's 'saving' is actually flipped.

where this distinction stemmed from was him always seeming to lack a purpose within the sorcerer world, and his inherent thought process where he makes a clear line between "regular" people and sorcerers, emphasizing non-sorcerer inferiority.

geto, before the Riko mission, found himself coherent to sorcerer ideology. but i think its important to note that this belief doesn't really have much backing to it. He simply states that its a "duty" of theirs to protect "weaker" people- the word duty implying that this is something that's been told to him, not something which he's set on believing.

thats especially highlighted when he gives riko a choice as to what she wants. he's not set on this belief- which is actually an admirable trait in the case with riko. everyone deserves that choice.

then the whole fiasco happens with toji, but thats not really his turning point. his turning point is when he sees all those non-sorcerers who support riko's death and thats when he strictly begins his distinction of how non-sorcerers are cruel, and morally inferior. that they don't understand the sacrifices sorcerers have made, that they don't have gratitude or empathy. that, toppled with the two girls he saves/adopts, and witnessing the death of that one kid (forgot his name) who wanted to save people as per jujutsu sorcerer ideology.

one of the reasons gojo goes the opposite way in his path is because he actually had the strength to defeat toji at the end which makes him believe in honing his skills to prevent future incidences. while gojo also hates those non-sorcerers that applauded riko's death, he doesn't have to put himself through the same situation again & again in a way? geto does.

geto, while consuming curses, has to consistently remind himself of jujutsu ideology of protecting non-sorcerers, despite the plethora of negative experiences he's had with non-sorcerers in the first place. for him it was a lonely, endless cycle, and most importantly, lacked purpose.

the thing with geto is that he feels so deeply. he doesn't want other sorcerers to go through the depressive states he went through; he wants to get rid of the source of evil, which to him lies within regular people.

he found that same 'savior' purpose elsewhere, being a savior to his own people (in his eyes: more superior people) by eradicating the non-sorcerers (the inferior).

he's so interesting aaaaaa. also the way he twists his immoral actions/justifies them even more so. anyways onwards to genocide for him!

[dealingdreams]

I haven't wrote one of these in a while, but I also haven't been extremely captivated by a pair of characters in a while either. Regardless I'm rusty but how about some thoughts on Osha and Qimir ❤️

I've been talking to @a-heart-of-kyber for days now about these two...but something we talked about really has stuck with me and it's the fact that Osha has run essentially from everyone except him.

When she was younger, she wanted to explore, she wasn't sure she wanted to be a witch, but she did want to see the world beyond her coven. So she would run away to her tree until she had a chance to run away with the Jedi.

She ran from the Jedi after her presumed failure in learning to control her emotions.

She didn't even give herself roots in the years after leaving the order and instead bounced from ship to ship working as a mekak.

So when she wakes up to find herself on an island with this Stranger who murdered her friends...but he cooked her dinner, healed her wound, put himself in a vulnerable position to give her at least the illusion of more power, and very pointedly was like you aren't my prisoner. There is the ship you can go. She doesn't, she follows him.

She asks him questions, she engages in conversation, she listens to him..but she doesn't run at any point (well she does walk away but not far and he immediately follows her lol). Not when he is getting close to pulling truths from her, she pushes back and reacts but doesn't run. She looks for him in the after math of Sol. She agrees to train with him. While a part of that is for sure cause of Mae... blocking is also a very important and telling part of visual storytelling and that fact that when Mae asked what Osha wanted and she turned toward Qimir, it means something .

Idk, I think she found someone who has a rather terrifying ability to actually SEE her. For a character like Osha that seems to keep a bit of distance between herself and others...not really because she doesn't want companionship, but cause she's been so often disappointed. Having someone truly know you is terrifying and yet she keeps choosing him.

Her fear has caused her to run every time except when he is involved and I just find that super interesting.

I think part of it is he's essentially her guide...he's not corrupting her, he isn't manipulating her, he's telling her his point of view from his lived experience, but not pushing her in any other way than making her face herself. Her actions are her own and her fall is her choice. I think having the dynamic she has with Qimir goes hand in hand with that. Someone who knows you cause they understand, you crave that understanding while also being terrified of it.

Anyways, hope that made sense lol

[uncomfortably-bowing]

there's so much utena discourse around certain aesthetic signatures of the show (in particular, scenes and shots like the sword pulls, the transformations and outfits, etc.) and, like, surface-level discussions over whether these things are "Actually Beautiful" or "Actually Bad."

and i totally get it, especially with regards to some scenes---like the ways in which people have taken the ending scene of episode 33 and turned into weird pastel-pretty aesthetic boards lmao----but i do feel like a lot of the discussion is over-simplistic, and disconnected from the actual framing and themes of the series

utena and anthy's world is full of beauty. it is also full of horror and pain. there is often no clear delineation between the two, and we are forced (quite generously!) to recognize both sides of this.

the sword pulls oftentimes carry feelings of manipulation, hurt, subservience. anthy summoning the sword drives in the repetitive, obedient actions she is forced to repeat time and time again for others as the rose bride. in the black rose arc, they're violent and terrifying. in the third arc, they're stand-ins of the dysfunctions the characters have with the person drawing them, the ways in which their emotions are being twisted and ignored.

and yet! they're beautiful.

they're incredibly intimate moments, in which the two characters---who, generally speaking, are either emotionally or physically estranged from one another---cradle or hold one another, pull out a culmination of that person's essence, as a heavenly light frames the two of them together. the first time anthy does it to utena, it is out of genuine fear for her, her voice quivering with fear as she tries to do anything to help her! it's love! it's an act of beautiful love!

when pressed on how it felt to have their sword drawn, the duelists are flustered---they can't say it was just painful, because it was more than just painful. the screams of the black rose arc turn into something more quiet, ethereal, pretty---and yet still uneasy, unsettling.

a similar conversation can be had about utena and anthy's outfits. they're symbols of their roles as duelist and rose bride, and for anthy in particular it's an outfit emblematic of her status as a static, never-moving prize to be won. the outfits are as ugly as the entire dueling system, and yet---while recognizing this---the show doesn't stray away from associating the dress and the duels with delightful, beautiful imagery. the rose imagery in general is very beautiful and striking, even at some of the more dark moments!

there is an aesthetically pleasing contrast between anthy's dress and utena's uniform---one that goes back ages in terms of our understandings of gender and social status. why is that beauty there? well, for a lot of reasons! one is definitely making us question what we think of as beautiful, particularly in the contexts of gender roles and society (why did we have that gut impulse to see anthy in that dress as beautiful to begin with?) but, for the sake of this post, i think the most satisfying answer is because horror and beauty are usually intertwined in our actual lives.

so much of the show is dedicated to both finding beauty in horrifying situations and seeing how beautiful things are oftentimes pretty horrifying. anthy and utena's relationship is beautiful, but grows out of abuse, sexism, queerphobia, and hurt.

when utena and anthy dance in front of everyone at the ball, how do we interpret that? well, our first instinct is as a beautiful scene of budding love and care between the two of them; our second instinct (especially after watching the show) is that it's another example of the way in which they've both been boxed into these roles of prince and bride---and all as hundreds of eyes are staring at them. when does the line between gender as choice and performance begin, and when does it become oppressive gender roles? when does anthy's performance as the meek rose bride become her real self? when do the two's relationship become loving, and when do they stop hurting each other? when do the ugly things at ohtori become beautiful, and when do all of the beautiful things become ugly?

and there's not really one point, always, although sometimes there are---and sometimes there's multiple points, and sometimes there was no transformation at all, and sometimes things never stopped oscillating between good and bad, ugly and beautiful, scary and hopeful.

and like, even beyond the really radical ways this impacts the queer and feminist readings of the show, i just think that's also very nice. so much of utena is built on recognizing the beauty in the world. the main characters live in a shitty world while leading shitty lives. and they find beauty in it still.

(i will here also add here at the end that when the show wants to make a very clear definitive statement on one of its aesthetics being basically entirely bad with no beauty behind it, it's very frank in its framing. see: any shot with utena in a dress or her girl's uniform)

[heartbeatbookclub]

I think probably the biggest thing that contributes to the thought that Monika's love isn't some great falsehood to me is actually how she talks about it after being deleted.

Like, okay, i understand everyone saying that she isn't interested in you, because she's actually not interested in you specifically. I've said this before; Monika knows virtually nothing about you. She only knows that you're real. Despite this, she says she is utterly in love with you, while making it clear that her entire existence absent you is completely meaningless to her, because she knows it isn't real. It's fairly easy to make the leap here and I definitely agree that Monika is more in love with the idea of you than with you specifically.

I however disagree with the notion that this love is somehow false.

I've talked about this a little bit in the past, and I have a few drafts somewhere going deeper into my thoughts on it, but I didn't like how they turned out, so I'm just gonna start fresh.

I think if you only look at Monika's actions leading up into Act 3 and what she says then, it's a little questionable how true her feelings are. She talks a lot and spends a lot of time trying to endear herself to the player while forcing them to choose her. And a lot of that talk is about how powerful her sense of nihilism is about the world around her, except you.

It's not hard to make the leap that the reason why she's so invested in you specifically is because you represent something real, where she is trapped somewhere fake. Even if she can't really escape, she's content with this being as close as she'll get.

She's sitting here, directly talking to someone she believes is real, trusting that they're there, and listening to her.

You could take us continuing to click through the text and potentially hitting the skip button as confirmation that we are indeed still here, but the important thing is she can't see us. She doesn't know anything about us, or what it really looks like for us, but she loves us anyway, because we are real.

That's it, isn't it? At that point she doesn't even love us. It's a front; it's a lie to try and get some sense of interaction with reality. She doesn't actually love us; she loves the idea of escape we present.

There's one major thing that suggests to me that it's more complicated than that.

After we delete her, her initial response is fear. Anger. Betrayal. After everything she sacrificed, all she dedicated to us, we delete her. We've killed her; only small vestiges of her influence remain. How cruel. How unjust.

We are truly sickening, aren't we?

...But she still loves us.

I think this is something people overlook about the situation here, and I really think it's indicative of something not a lot of people realize.

Monika has no reason to lie here. There's no reason to maintain any sort of facade; Monika is giving up. There is no escape from her prison. She is trapped and always will be. And you? Despite everything, despite all that she's done to be with you, all the love she's given?

You deleted her. You killed her. She opened her heart to you, and you rejected her.

She has nothing left. She's dying. You, her one reason for living, for doing any of this, rejected her. She fucked everything up. She regrets everything she did, realizing that she's ruined everything, and probably driven you to hate her as well. Regardless of if that's true, it's what she believes.

Monika is at the end of her rope. Yet still, even when the chips are down, even when she's lost all hope of escape, when she's given up completely, when she regrets everything, believes you hate her, and hates herself...

She still loves you.

I don't think Monika's feelings are in any way a front for something else. I think she truly does believe, more than anything, that she loves you, truly, from the bottom of her heart. I think it's better to say, rather than that she doesn't love you, she only loves what you represent, because she doesn't know anything about you, that she does love you, despite not knowing anything about you, because what she does know is enough to her. She knows (or at least believes) that you're here, that you've been here, and that you're still here, despite everything. You've spent this much time with her. You must truly be kind, and patient, and all these other things she's built up in this image of you in her head.

Despite everything. Despite your rejection of her.

She still loves you.

And it's that love that guides her on into introspection, forces her to come to terms with the fact that she's been acting selfishly this entire time. It's her love for you that makes her realize how horrible she's been, and leads to her regretting everything.

Because if you deleted her after all she sacrificed, there's only one explanation. You don't love her the same. In fact, you must hate her for what she's done. She's ruined everything as badly as she possibly could.

She still loves you, but she messed things up so badly that you hate her.

"How could I do that to someone I love...?"

She restores everyone on the assumption that things will work out if she's just gone.

Because she wants to give you what you want.

Because she still loves you.

Dan Salvato responded to this question in the r/DDLC AMA on Reddit, and when I first read that response it seemed like a huge...non-answer. And when you actually look at it, within the context of the question, I'm right, it doesn't really answer the heart of what the question's about, and it's always troubled me because of the way he worded it.

It takes the notion that Monika loves us for granted, and instead of actually addressing the question, provides a foundation for Monika's truly selfless expression of love.

When I look at this, I'm suddenly confronted by my own thoughts of Monika as a fictional character, rather than as AI. Rather than accepting the conceit of +'s world, that Monika is truly an artificial intelligence in a simulated reality, looking at Monika as a fictional character with awareness of something beyond the fictional. That she is, in a sense, on a dimension below.

Yet despite that, she tries to reach behind the curtain, to reach out and touch your hand separated by the screen.

And regardless of any motivation, she loves you. She does, wholeheartedly, and she wants nothing but the best for you. She wants to give you all of the love she has. "Only someone who has lost all hope in themselves is the one who is condemning Monika to her own sad, unfulfilled fantasy. If you believe Monika loves you, then you've found it in you to love yourself a little bit, and that's what she would want more than anything."

It doesn't really answer the question, in my opinion. But I'm not sure it's supposed to.

Really, it's tough to make heads or tails of what that actually means in the context of this question. I often find myself wondering if I'm thinking too hard about things as presented in the game, and diving off into wild speculation into things which Salvato didn't intend.

I think the most important element to all of this, which people so frequently look past, is that Monika's own perspective is heavily limited. I have some other thoughts on this that I won't get into here, but just because we know something's true or we think something about her true underlying motivations doesn't mean she knows it.

A lot of what she says and does may be consequences of denial, but that doesn't mean conscious denial necessarily. I think something a lot of people don't realize is that Monika isn't actually some omnipotent or all-seeing goddess. There are things she doesn't understand, and things she can't control. I talk often about how we have no real communication with Monika outside of the limited interface of the game, but I'm not sure even she knows how limited that interface is, given how she places some blame onto our shoulders for how things turned out prior to Act 3, among other things. She has the capacity to be surprised by things happening in game, given that she was surprised by how we were left with Yuri's corpse for an entire weekend, commenting that she didn't realize the script had broken that badly.

The way she manipulates the others seems very half-hearted and inefficient, and she's frustrated by how tough it is to make things turn out how she wants.

I mean, despite believing herself to have very deep knowledge and control over how things are managed in her reality, she doesn't realize at all that she's done this exact same song and dance over and over across millions of people playing Doki Doki Literature Club. Even within the conceit of +, over each reset loop, the same things happen, and she has no idea. She is still subject to the whims of being a character in this game; she is not somehow divorced from it due to her awareness.

Her life is a tightly wound coil of duplicate decisions leading to the same outcomes each time, and she has no idea. And regardless of your decisions, things turn out the same.

She's the same as any of the girls, operating with their own code forcing them to do certain things. Each of them might realize something is wrong, or different; some cracks show through Monika's overt manipulation of elements of their personality, but they still act as though it comes from within, because that's how it feels, and why would you assume differently?

Somebody built them. Their existence is determined by a base of hard code, that although their consciousness may resist it, ultimately defines what their consciousness even is.

And Monika is no different.

It's implied pretty heavily that the four of them are on the same level, within the conceit of the game being artificial intelligence responding to stimuli. As Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri are all tweaked in different elements, they change in personality. Their actions change, in ways that both Monika and the player don't necessarily expect.

Sayori hangs herself, Natsuki is able to write a note about her concerns for Yuri, and Yuri stabs herself multiple times, leaving you staring at a rotting corpse all weekend. When Sayori becomes Club President, she immediately sets to keep you for herself. Or she loses her mind. Whatever.

My point is, they're all on the same level, just with only one having awareness of the real nature of their reality.

So...that all being said.

Monika's love isn't a lie, not even one she's telling herself. But it doesn't seem to make sense, does it?

So the real question, I guess, isn't whether it's true or false.

It's whether she developed it naturally, or if it was implanted.

Does that even matter in the context of fiction?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

All these questions and more...uh, I don't know. Seek medical attention if brainrot lasts longer than 4 hours. If you read to the bottom of this post, you're cute. Do the monkey with me!

[nikethestatue]

It’s funny to me how a somewhat big moment in ACOMAF is when they are in the summer court and one of the more significant lines we get from Rhys as a character (IMO) is when he says he is jealous of Tarquin because he would be easy to love and befriend, he doesn’t have to wish for anything, whereas Rhys doesn’t have that life because he is always making tough decisions for what he believes will be good outcome, which in turn gives him enemies and moral grayness and hardship. I feel like that idea - that bold action in the face of conflict isn’t the easy path but it’s the right one compared to passive inaction that won’t ruffle any feathers - is how SJM views the world (at least, her fictional worlds) but it’s something the fandom completely misses. Saying Tarquin, Helion, Eris, Lucien, Kallias, and every non-main male character has never done anything wrong. Saying Vivianne is more suited to be High Lady. Saying the Inner Circle is evil. All the Gwyn stuff. It’s crazy to call characters we only get little snippets of unproblematic and more interesting when we don’t really know them. We know the IC much more intimately and see their faults and fallout from their actions. It’s just funny to me that SJM had that whole ACOMAF scene to show where Rhys and the NC are coming from, yet everyone glosses over it and falls into exactly the thing that SJM was saying not to do. Sorry for the rant.

I think it's actually very true. A good observation.

Because it's EASY to love 'unproblematic' and uncomplicated characters. Every time I see on Reddit some post about 'Gwyn is the only unproblematic character in ACOTAR' and it's true, but i wonder if she WAS problematic, would you like her as much?

I think the rabid hate that Cassian is experiencing now--whereas before he used to be universally loved--is exactly because of that. He WAS unproblematic. He was good and kind and fun and loyal. But the moment he was paired with Nesta and suddenly he is not making 'perfect' decisions and not behaving in an ideal way, he is being lambasted right and left and suddenly 'the mate bond is fake!' and 'Eris is Nesta's true mate!' and stuff like that.

I think SJM does show the difficulty of making decisions which are usually imperfect and how oftentimes, people are forced to do their best under the circumstances. Like with all the 'good' characters, we only hear snippets of the good things that they did--Helion, he has this unrequited love thing happening, and he tore the beasts to save LoA, and he is helping Rhysand in the war and whatever. Same with Vivian and Kallias--we only heard the good and valiant and honourable things that they did.

I dunno. Sometimes I feel like huge chunks of this fandom aren't ready for 'morally gray' and don't understand what it means. Whereas that's exactly what SJM is writing. Moral dilemmas, ambiguity, imperfect actions, bad decisions, etc.

[tenebraevesper]

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 6)

Welcome to Part 6 of my Shadow and Sonic character analysis, which is actually part analysis, part me just gushing over the Sonadow ship. In this Part, I will be covering the second half of Episode 17: Grim Tidings, which can be summed up as ''little brother is jealous of older brother's boyfriend and also is trying to kill them''.

With this done, I have three more episodes left in which Shadow appears, and unless I get too many screenshots/gifs so Tumblr won't let me post them all, Episode 21: Home Sick Home and Episode 22: The Devil is in the Tails will be one post, while Episode 23: From the Top will be its own post. There might also be a slight delay in me covering those episodes because I need to gather all of the material for them.

In any case, let's dive into this episode!

In the first half of the episode, we already saw a very prominent shift in Shadow's character, aka his protective and caring side and his attempt to reach out and comfort Sonic, which was genuinely really cute from him.

So, Shadow and Sonic manage to enter The Grim, with Sonic (who for once didn't faceplant upon landing in the Shatterspace) being surprised to see Nine having gone full Elsa by creating a citadel with the Paradox Prism energy. As they approach it, they're confronted by Nine, who tells Sonic how Sonic's plan was never Nine's plan.

''So, it was always about power?'' ''No, that's not-'' ''Exactly. With the Paradox Prism, I'll be able to turn this world into a paradise. MY PARADISE!''

I find it genuinely interesting how Shadow's first thought is that Nine was after power, rather than approval or companionship. Nine agrees, but he wasn't seeking power for the sake of power. Knowing Nine's character, he is a loner who had been bullied all of his life and after believing that he found a true friend in Sonic, all he wants is to create a world where he and Sonic can be happy. However, with Sonic ''betraying'' him, he decides that he is better off alone.

Now, doesn't this sound a bit familiar?

So, this is speculation, but I think that Nine is supposed to be a foil to Shadow. Both are loners with a cynical view of the world and a strong connection to Sonic. However, while Nine started out as Sonic's ally (after some initial trust issues) and looked up to him, Shadow was quite antagonistic, fighting Sonic and berating him for shattering their reality. However, over the course of the show, things changed, with Nine taking over as the main villain while Shadow became Sonic's closest ally.

While the reasons for Nine betraying Sonic have been seen and discussed in and out of the show, I want to point out something I didn't really see anyone bring up - how much does Nine really know Sonic (and for that matter, how much does Sonic really know Nine)?

Nine acted on the belief that Sonic wants to stay with him in The Grim and create a world just for them, at least until he got the confirmation that Sonic wanted to restore Ghost Hill. Nine is not Tails, so no matter how much he interacts with Sonic, he wouldn't know about any of Sonic's past actions or how he acted in similar situations to get a good understanding of him.

Shadow, on the other hand, knows Sonic well enough to point out his mistakes and flaws and is not afraid to knock him down a peg, while also understanding that Sonic genuinely has everyone's best interests on mind. He has seen how Sonic behaves in situations like this, and even if he fights Sonic, he has no issues working with him and trusting him (albeit, after he admits that, yeah, they need each other to fix reality). Unlike Nine, he has enough experience with Sonic to understand why he acts like this.

''Let's destroy this traitor.'' ''Wait! Maybe I can reason with him.'' ''Reason with him?!'' ''Just let me try. If that doesn't work-'' ''Then he's mine.'' ''No, he's ours.''

*Soviet anthem starts playing* Sorry, not sorry! X3 But seriously, was anyone reminded of that one meme when Sonic went ''he's ours''? Because that's the first thing that popped into my mind.

Also, why do writers love writing Shadow trying to destroy Tails? Like this is the third time this happens!

First we had Shadow fighting Tails in Sonic X (granted, he was targeting Cosmo, but still!).

Then we had Shadow fighting Tails in Sonic Boom (granted, he was targeting Sonic, and Tails and Knuckles were in his way, but still!).

Now we have Shadow targeting Nine in Sonic Prime, who betrayed them, took the Paradox Prism and left their reality to fracture... which for once is actually a valid reason for Shadow to go after him.

But still, why is Shadow having beef with Tails in every animated media he appears in? Going by this pattern, I guess that Shadow will also target Tails in Sonic Movie 3.

*shakes head in amusement* Anyways, where were we? Ah, yes!

So, Shadow and Sonic's conversation is actually quite interesting when you take into consideration everything that happened between them. Shadow wants to do the obvious, while Sonic, despite having experienced a great loss, still hopes that he can reason with Nine. Shadow is stunned, but Sonic asks him to let him at least try. If it doesn't work, Shadow will deal with him... No, Shadow and Sonic will deal with him.

This is certainly the culmination of both Sonic and Shadow's character growth. Not only did they talk about their plans, but Sonic acknowledges that, if he cannot talk to Nine, he will have to fight him. Shadow, in turn, let's Sonic do try the more diplomatic approach rather than take the violent option, clearly showing trust in Sonic's negotiation skills. It is genuinely amazing to see.

Unfortunately for Sonic, Nine doesn't care about fixing their relationship, as he already replaced him with his own version of Chaos Sonic, called Grim Sonic.

''Woah! Who or what is THAT?!'' ''It's you.'' ''Yeah, but if you squint and tilt your head to the side, it's also kinda you.'' *gives Sonic an unimpressed look*

Honestly, I genuinely laughed at this little exchange, especially when Shadow just gives Sonic that look. It's really fun to just have them talk like this, showing off their dynamic.

''Whatever it is, it's in our way.'' ''Not for long!''

The conversation even continues, with both preparing for the fight. Once again, I just love how these two can hold a banter in one moment and leap into action in the next one.

At first, they get caught off guard by Grim Sonic, with Sonic being exasperated there's another robotic version of him, with Nine pointing out how he saved Sonic from Chaos Sonic, but how this time, Sonic is on his own. Sonic's expression falls as he hears that, clearly hurt by Nine's words.

''He's not on his own.'' *Sonic perks up, both confront Grim Sonic* ''We're all on our own.''

Honestly, this is really sweet of Shadow, showing that he now stands firmly by Sonic's side and cheering him up. Shadow really has undergone through a lot of character growth, affirming that he and Sonic are now a team and they will work together to beat Nine. Not to mention, Sonic just looks so happy to hear this.

What follows next is Sonic and Shadow beating up Grim Sonic, showing some amazing teamwork together.

''It's over Nine!'' ''I decide when it's over!''

Nine summons the other Grim Variants, that of Amy, Knuckles, Rouge and Birdie (no Big or Froggy tho, and certainly no variant of Tails), claiming how they're his friends now. Sonic and Shadow continue the battle.

''Behind you!'' ''Behind you!''

I'm absolutely loving this! Seriously, before Sonic Prime, when was the last time we saw them work together like this?

Anyways, as the battle continues, Shadow tells Sonic to go for the Prism, but Sonic protests, not wanting to leave him alone. Shadow assures him that he'll be fine and tells him to go, with Sonic listening to him. Nine laments about Sonic's recklessness, throwing crystals at him and knocking him down.

''Sonic!''

Shadow looks absolutely devastated when he sees Sonic fall...

...and his first instinct is to rush over to Sonic to protect him.

Fortunately, Sonic gets up, with Nine joining the Grim Variants, praising the power of the Prism and how there's nothing he can't do. Sonic questions him whether this is really what he wants, to spend his life all alone with robots as his companions. Nine responds how he can at least trust them, with Sonic the pointing out how The Grim is decaying, and Nine reveals that, while he rebuilt the Paradox Prism, some of the Prism energy is still missing.

Now, observe this closely.

''Oh, I've rebuilt it. But it turns down there is some Prism energy missing.''

When Nine mentions the missing Prism energy, he briefly glances at Sonic's shoes, smirking. Sonic clearly has no idea what he's talking about, thinking about his words.

Shadow, on the other hand, follows Nine's gaze, looking at Sonic's shoes, then back at Nine, who gives him a firm look, as if confirming something. Shadow's eyes widen in realization, then he gives Nine a look of pure anger.

Shadow has put together that Nine is now targeting Sonic, and he is pissed.

''Sonic, you have to get out of here!'' ''What?''

Shadow's first words and actions after this realization is to tell Sonic to get out and then protecting him from Grim Sonic.

''It's you! He's after your energy!''

It is as if someone flipped a switch. Shadow's thoughts are basically ''Forget the Paradox Prism, I need to protect Sonic now!'' He literally switched priorities the moment Sonic had been put into danger, and when he sees Sonic struggling with the Grim variants, he basically encases him into a tornado to protect him, telling him that he has to go.

''What? Shadow thinks he can steal Sonic away from me!? Not a chance!''

I know that Nine is after Sonic's Prism energy, but he sounds so much like a little brother who is jealous that his older brother spends more time with his boyfriend than with him. I mean, he certainly isn't over Sonic, no matter what he says about the robots being his friends now, so it certainly checks out.

Nine then fires a blast of energy at Sonic and Shadow, with Shadow managing to grab Sonic's leg...

''This is for your own good!'' ''Shadooooow!''

...proceeding to throw him out of The Grim and right into The Void, much to Nine's dismay. Nine then sends Grim Birdie and its clones to follow Sonic, and while Shadow fights the rest of the robots.

He is not in the best state, but damned if he doesn't give his all to cover Sonic. Unfortunately, he is outnumbered and eventually knocked into the abyss.

You fought as best as you could Shadow, but unfortunately, you will need more help in the fight against Nine. Fortunately, Sonic knows where to find that help.

So, the second half of the episode just cemented everything I had said about Shadow's character growth, with the inclusion of him putting Sonic's safety above his own. Sure, Sonic is Nine's target, but you can't say that Shadow hasn't been doing that even before he learned about Nine's plans.

Oh, and Sonadow shippers? I think you can definitely add ''Protective Shadow'' to your story ideas.

#Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 5)

#Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Prime, Character Analysis - Part 7)

#Sonic the Hedgehog Analyzer (Masterlist)

[markantonys]

i was looking at your latest gifset and realised why cauthor is such an amazing ship. mat needs someone who has his back in the way rand does. all the years of his parents and everyone else telling him he's no good, he'll never amount to anything - that kinda stuff sinks in until eventually you start to believe it yourself. and i'm not saying mat doesn't have any flaws of course, but I think some of the time his actions are dictated by what he believes about himself, that he really isn't worth it.

but rand - he's been mat's protector from day one, hasn't he? always in his corner, always defending him and letting mat know without equivocation that he is worth it, that he is a good person who deserves love and a second chance. and that was even before the whole dragon reborn thing came into play. when mat said at the start, "don't stay up-mountain too long" rand answered, "i won't". he won't stay up too long because he misses mat and knows mat needs him too. is it any wonder even ishamael shipped them?

THIS!!!!!! all of this, i'm weeping!!!! i remember in the wait between seasons i was going "oh man the cauthor reunion will be so angsty, rand will be so hurt over mat having stayed behind at the waygate!" but then we got to the actual reunion and it turned out i'd sorely underestimated rand's love for mat! rand is nothing but happy to see mat again, he gives him 100% unconditional love and understanding without bringing up the waygate incident at all, except for taking a moment to tell mat that they aren't better off without him. because he knows mat well enough to guess that the reason he stayed behind might've been that he thought the gang was better off without him, and he loves mat enough to believe this IS the reason rather than supposing something less charitable like selfishness or cowardice. and rand himself, for the first time in his life, has been struggling with feeling his loved ones are better off without him ever since the eye of the world, and this has given him new empathy for and new insight into how mat has felt for his ENTIRE life.

i know that "i'll take care of you" "it's rotten work" "not to me, not if it's you" has become a meme at this point, but it truly is the perfect descriptor of the cauthor dynamic! and on both ends too, since in s2 we see mat starting to be protective of rand and take care of him too now that rand's getting his own share of Issues. mat also assures rand that they aren't better off without him, after all! their lil amateur therapy session in cairhien is so perfect because they are both so well-positioned to understand the internal issues the other is currently dealing with, because it's similar to their own issues. and they each have their own way of showing care, and it just so happens to be perfectly suited to what the other needs; rand is very earnest and vocal in telling mat he's a good person, which is what mat needs to counteract all the fears that have been driven into him since childhood about being worthless, and meanwhile mat takes care of rand by teasing him and joking around and making him smile, which is what rand needs to lighten the burden of being TDR for a while. no wonder ishamael ships them, indeed! he is not immune to homoerotic devotion!

also, what really gets me is that mat didn't get to witness rand's passionate defenses of him in fal dara! nynaeve, you better have been recording the fight on your phone so you can show it to mat, he Needs To Know just how well rand continues to speak of him even when he isn't around. there probably won't be time for it in s3, but i would love a scene where egwene and mat talk for the first time after the great waygate abandonment, and mat's apologizing and egwene's like "well i was pretty mad at you at the time but we're cool now" and mat asks if rand was mad at him too, because he needs to know if he hurt rand but knows rand won't admit if he did because he'd want to spare mat's feelings, and egwene tells mat that rand was not mad at him and in fact defended him tooth and nail against everyone else, and mat's like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 trying not to cry, and egwene's internally like "oh my god can you two just make out already". this scene happens between 2x08 and 3x01 in my heart!

[briochebrioche]

Grave of the Fireflies ( brb, crying )

So now that I can see my keyboard (I stopped crying finally) I can type my thoughts on this film. Although the film takes place during WWII, I believe the main focus was not actually about the war. Sure, there are a few scenes that show the gruesome consequences of war (the burning homes, dead bodies, rush to hide in shelters, food rations, etc.). But other than those few times, everyone else in the community actually seemed to be doing fine. Many people still had homes, even though food was rationed they still ate every day, and children were playing happily. It was harder than usual, but as long as everyone stuck with their families and followed the rules, they made it by okay. The real problems came from the lack of empathy the adults in the show demonstrated toward Seita and Setsuko.

Ironically, going to live with their aunt was more of a catalyst for their eventual death than the start of the bombings. The aunt became bitter toward the siblings, acting condescending and almost scolding Seita for not helping out in the war effort more. She equated them to freeloaders and even went as far as to say something along the lines of “this is what I get for taking in two orphans”. This line really stuck out to me because it showed an alarming lack of empathy. Their mother had recently just died and their father had also likely perished in the war, but the aunt was more focused on using them for extra rations and being petty. This tense environment caused them to leave their aunt’s home and move into a small cave, where they tried to survive on their own.

Eventually, Setsuko becomes sick with diarrhea and lack of energy, which Seita tries to alleviate by stealing a crop from a local farmer and using it to make a sort of home remedy for her stomach. The farmer catches Seita and beats him severely, despite him pleading and explaining that his little sister is very sick. After this event, Seita tries taking Setsuko to a doctor that merely tells him that she is suffering from malnutrition and needs food, then brushes them off to move on to the next patient. Sometime after Setsuko succumbs to her malnutrition, Seita does the same at a train station where everyone around him ignores him.

In the end, it was not the war that killed these two children, but their own people. I believe the movie is a critique on how adults turn a blind eye to those in need, especially children. This is seen in the real world with homeless people that are completely ignored by society. The average person would rather pretend they’re not there than do something to help and acknowledge them. There’s also the parallel to many adults questioning the intentions and credibility of young people. They are quick to judge a child’s actions as delinquency and don’t take into account the context of why they did what they did. They fail to put themselves in the child’s shoes and understand that they cannot deal with stress and hardships the same way an adult can. The light from these two kids who were full of love and joy was snuffed out by the cold indifference of the adults who were supposed to protect them.