#how do you know you're addicted | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

apathtorecovery · 2 years ago

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curiosity-killed · 5 months ago

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the one thing i will say on the Trump verdict is I'm seeing a lot of posts about basically "how can we let a FELON run for PRESIDENT (and/or vote)" which is making me feel very "don't make me tap the sign" about why folks who've been convicted of felonies also deserve the right to run for office/vote and how creating categories of people who are not allowed to run for office/vote is a great way to incentivize pushing political opponents (or members of marginalized groups) into those categories in order to disenfranchise and disempower them

#i do think he should be disqualified under the 14th amendment but that's...not really what this trial was about #and i just would like folks to be a teensy bit more mindful of what you're talking about when ur like #''we're going to let a FELON run for PRESIDENT''#when like. if you get charged twice for having weed on you that could be a felony #(this is an oversimplification but like u get the point right. like US folks we know abt the injustice inherent in our ''justice'' system #and how historically that has & continues to be used to benefit folks just like trump #right?#like we know that folks convicted of felonies or formerly incarcerated people should not be excommunicated from the political system right?#it is important to me that us folks know this)#anyway this is my soapbox for the night #catch me next time when a) someone talks about how ADDICTS are inherently TERRIBLE or (more likely) b) ballet is portrayed stupidly in medi #personal

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batcavescolony · 11 days ago

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A Batfam AU where instead of going to get Dick to be Robin again Tim uses necromancy to bring Jason back from the dead. He just leaves Jason on the Wayne doorstep with a 'do better this time' sticky note. Batman can't find out who did it and Tim stays his little latchkey self with semi ok but distant parents (cus canonical they weren't really abusive just not there which isn't good but they could be worse). His parents bring him along on trips but again they love him but they just leave him to do as he pleases. so in Paris he ends up still getting trained by Lady Shiva. This keeps going and Tim just keeps reviving batfam members, if they fake their deaths and Tim tracks them down to check on them. They still have no idea who their shadow is, they can't find him, Tim likes it this way. Bruce goes MIA and Red Robin happens just minus Tim actually being Red Robin. The JLA doorstep gets a passed-out Batman with a 'I can't believe I have to keep doing this shit' sticky note on his head.

#now you're probably going Batcaves i see those fics all the time? and my retort is those are babyified Tim Drake fics. he then gets adoped #the batfam and has a coffee addiction. i want a Tim Drake that treats the batfam like how wildlife rehab centers treat animals. they make #themselves knowable of the subject. they're striving to improve their quality of care. establish safe working habits. share skills. put car #of the subject over personal gain. be professional and humane. protect welfare of the subject. release the subject as soon as appropriate.#it's just his subject is batvigilantes not a racoon that was on the side of the road.#tim drake #batman #robin #dc comics #dc universe #detective comics #batman comics #batman and robin #batman au #and i think Jack and Janet being abusive is getting boring. have them be ok parents. they give tim a long leash but fail to see hes using i #for his own fun. they never told him he CANT learn necromancy and revive bat vigilantes how was HE supposed to know it's a bad thing??#maybe they should have looked at what he was doing while they were off. (like Phineus and Ferb. He asked if he could learn self-defense.#he learned from Lady Shiva not at the YMCA. He asked if he could read a book on necromancy! you didn't tell him he's not aloud to use what #he learned! he asked if he could go to the cemetery to see Jason! you didn't say he couldn't revive him! and so on)#Tim: mom can I learn self-defense while in Paris?#Janet: that's a good idea there are so many pickpockets here a little training would be nice for you. do you know a place?#Tim: Yes! her name is Sandra #Janet: cool. if you think she's the best choice. here some money.#Tim: Thanks Mom!#janet drake #jack drake #fanfic idea #fic idea #fanfic ideas #batfam

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autisticrosewilson · 5 months ago

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Um if you write Jason having to get drugs for Catherine I want you dead btw. Not only does it tell me you assume the average drug dealer would give the hard shit to a very small child and then not supervise them at all (classist stereotype that all drug dealers are inherently evil + lazy writing with no grasp on reality) and you genuinely think that Catherine was CONSTANTLY high, as if that's even possible without overdosing far sooner than she did. That's without even getting into the bad mom Catherine propaganda.

#dc #jason todd #Catherine Todd #I don't like talking about personal shit on the Internet #but I'm someone who grew up in a family of addicts and dealers and the attitude so many of these fics have #is so fucked up #like yeah my uncle would give a 15 year old weed but he won't even let them be in the house while he's doing coke #every dealer I've ever met had been THRILLED about my enthusiasm towards school and they always encouraged me #Multiple of them have given me actual job opportunities because they know a lot of people and they help their own #you guys actually just hate poor people and demonize addiction!#it's actually starting to piss me off #you don't have to write Cathy as a perfect example of morality #but if you turn her into a neglectful monster I assume you're either classist or projecting #it actually is possible to write Jason parentifying himself in order to take care of Cathy #without blaming a terminally ill woman who was already dying and likely in immense pain #you guys could be critiquing capitalism and our healthcare system and how it fails the most vulnerable people in our society #but instead you're playing up how gross and evil addicts and dealers and petty crooks are to make Jason's lige sadder???#his life already sucks you don't have to be classist to make it worse I promise

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anchorandrope · 1 month ago

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#regarding the liam and maya situation: i have a lot to say that i cannot express in tags and some of yall are still in a huge denial phase #but as i said the day we first knew about maya's book - im believing her. i believe she is a victim. im believing the victim.#i do trust women who make allegations without explicitly showing proof on social media because thats what i stand for. i rather believe a #liar than believing and abuser. with her; with you; and with every women (and everyone) out there even if i don't like her.#if you have a problem with this value i have: i recommend to unfollow me. because i believe her and that won't change.#and the tiktok she posted acknowledging 1d's fanbase behaviour is not only well-worded; but her non verbal language does match what she is #saying. i hope liam can get out of his addiction and i hope he can recognise his actions to be able to change for good; yes. but that doesn #change what he already did. i have plenty of reasons to believe maya - and seeing so many fellow fans saying shit in her comments like #“you're a liar until you post proof” “if you're saying the truth then sue him” “this is pr for the book” etc etc. insane and concerning.#yall talk like cishet men defending their friends btw. the exact same “arguments”...... is sad to see other women saying this. it breaks my #heart. and as someone who is studying PR genuinely fuck yall ???? yall don't even know what tf we do yall just blame us for every shit in #the industry when in reality its not our fault all the amount of crap yall say it is our fault. if i ask yall to even define what we do #im sure 99.99% won't even know the difference between PR/Marketing/Publicity. get my name and my fellow PR people out of your shit ??? wtf?#its diabolical to blame this on PR. seriously whatin the actual fuck. it doesn't even make sense????? fuck offffffff #i hope maya henry may find peace; i hope she can recover and overcome as well as possible. im disgusted by the behaviour almost everyone is #having. im not praying for a downfall or hoping bad things on liam but i definitely won't defend any of this. and tbh yall shouldn't either #on the other side: i hope she better not talk in any kind of way about louis/harry situation #but because that would mess stuff up in multiple ways. they don't need to be dragged in this. at all.#we don't need “official” denials nor confirmations of people that are not them in any type of way.#anyway... how's the weather i guess #maya henry

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flowercrowngods · 1 year ago

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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

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izu · 6 months ago

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the worst part about rereading Akira at 22 is being just as sad for tetsuo as i was at 14

#like yeah he's a terrible person #but he's also. 14. and clearly acting the way the adults around him acted #and he thinks its okay because it was done to him? so obviously its okay because why would they do it to him if it wasnt?#his drug addiction slowly evolving.... ugh #shut up lancer #i think in order to fully process how tragic tetsuo is you have to know what its like to be a lonely tortured kid #you're supposed to see how abhorrent his actions are and understand that the military did this to him.#turning his already troubling traits into a power he can barely even control. and then watching it drive him mad

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blueberrybanee · 1 year ago

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Art again! Finally-

Hiii, I'm finally posting some more art since I've been practicing using watercolor today, and I actually have the motive to post + free time!

This isn't that good since it's just practice + I was experimenting, but I'm happy enough with it! Lemme tell you, I was fighting for my life with the coloring/shading 💀

I also have this random sketch I made while waiting for my watercolor layers to dry! It was mostly just very brief anatomy practice, and I have no idea who this is supposed to be, but he was definitely inspired by Temuera Morrison lmfao. I've also started painting this sketch with watercolor, so I'll probably post the finished product soon!

#traditional art #traditional artist #watercolor #watercolor art #sketch #sketches #art practice #anatomy practice #young artist #my artwork #my art #blueberrybanee #Watercolor is so hard but so fun lmfao It's kind of addictive #I also find it to be pretty therapeutic now that I know how to use it a lil better!#Still learning but It's fun!#Also very pleased that my skills seem to keep improving everyday <3 It definitely helps me stay determined to keep trying!#Don't give up on your passion! No matter how hard it may be! I believe that you can do it with enough practice!!! Keep going!!!#Also I seriously recommend watching Scott Christian Sava on YouTube if you're trying to learn watercolor! He's helped me so much!

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chuthulhu-reads · 1 year ago

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[ID: Five panels from Trigun Maximum. The first shows Milly and Meryl looking up at something, startled. The second shows Wolfwood hovering around a corner, peering out from behind it. The third shows a closer up image of Wolfwood peering around the corner, a serious look on his face as he says, "Booze? Him? First thing in the mornin'? Ya gotta be kiddin'..." The fourth panel shows Vash crouching on the ground, a really awkward face smile on his face as he looks down on his coat, which has been splashed with whisky from a broken bottle. He's sort of laughing, the speech bubbles saying "Ha... heh heh..." but he doesn't really look happy. The fifth panel is a close-up of Vash's face as he slurps some of the spilled whisky off of his glove. Despite being close up, his face is so heavily shaded that it's almost impossible to make anything out. His left eye is sort of visible, closed and curved as if he might be smiling, but that's really not the vibe. End ID.]

I know I yell a lot about Nightow ruining my health and happiness but Colourless Expression really is such an INTENSELY impactful character chapter about SUFFERING. These people drink a lot for fun (can't blame 'em, given where they live) but in the aftermath of remembering about July Vash is day drinking to cope--and his friends don't even know he's been drinking until now. FUCKING OUCH

#Trigun #alcoholism #btw I work in a rehab-adjacent service #and drinking alone isn't exactly a flag that you should seek help for alcoholism #but if you're drinking alone more often than you drink socially #or find yourself hiding your drinking from people who care about you #or even actively avoiding the company of others (including those you'd usually drink socially with)#in favour of drinking alone #plz reach out for help #the people who actually care about you don't want to be suffering alone #addiction does have genetic and chemical components but most of what our service provides is addressing the psychological addiction #finding the untreated mental health problem or physical pain or unaddressed trauma that a service user is self-medicating for #Though I don't know HOW we'd handle Vash's July trauma #I'm not one of the therapists but how do you even BEGIN with a guilt complex like that #You'd probably have to untangle his relationship with Knives first #And maybe some of Vash's own discomfort with/fear of his own nonhuman nature #I mean it hurts to see but can you blame the guy for drinking

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eclarinet · 4 months ago

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same soup... different day

#hello it is sarah in the tags again #i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again #venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone #anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin #back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye #anyway this time i'd come in for the big D #i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong #i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety #its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc #anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the #isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers #isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and #i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic #anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing #i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche #also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like #ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it #and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this

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aggravatedanarchy · 5 months ago

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I fucking love video games that are buggy as fuck

Fucking around in Vault 3, helping those guys escape- I come back with the key and two of them are outside the cage and one of the Fiends is inside it instead. I'm like "wow okay," move on, unlock the cage.

And then I just. Get to watch them all crouch and "sneak" out of the cage, pushing up against and stopping in front of Fiends the whole way.

I genuinely don't know if they're supposed to just be fine once you open the cage? So like maybe that last bit is par for the course. But coming back to two of them just wandering that room, chillin with the captors? Incredible. 10/10 I recommend this game to everyone.

#queued #jay.txt #fallout new vegas #can i like. comment on a thing btw. here in the comfort and safety of my tags?#does anyone else find getting good karma exclusively from (at least so far as I've seen) killing Fiends a little. Not Fucking Great?#like. idk. when i first heard about them in game it was from betsy and she has that one line abt them and like. it kinda set a tone for me #+maybe. 'cause barring the fiends we're given specified crimes for (and thus I DO enjoy my good karma from) they're just. addicts?#idk it just rubs me wrong. especially walking around this vault without having aggro'd them. like they don't even get upset with you for +#+taking their chems??? which i expected to be a problem 100%. but no. they just let you do whatever. they're just Fiending as it were #i do recognize that like. They've Fucking Done Shit. like killing the original vault dwellers who apparently just invited them in. that's +#+horrible yeah I agree. but how am i meant to know/believe they were all 100% complicit in that? how recent was that also? there's possibly #+people in this faction who DIDN'T do that yk? idk. idk. I'm overthinking it but it just rubs me wrong. like you're not gonna give me good #+karma for killing the slaver faction but I can get it for killing addicts? sure. okay. definitely not fucking weird behavior #Rant Over it's just been on the mind. until I get a mission that makes me be aggressive w them in there I'm gonna leave them be I think #like rogues that just attack me? sure. self defense. but if they've not attacking me we're just gonna chill #(queued june 9th)#future/present me here with an update! Finally encountered something else that gave me good karma for killing it! it was a feral ghoul +#+trooper. not sure how I feel about that 100%? i think i lean mostly towards ''yeah fair enough.'' it does make me feel a little less Hm +#+about the Fiend good karma though. just a little. but seriously why am I not getting it from Legion troops-#(additional tags added june 13th)

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bylertruther · 1 year ago

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question: what does a crush feel like? how do you know it's a crush and not just a particular fondness for someone?

#esp if you're hypersexual sensitive or have ever been an addict. where's the line that separates one sensation from another? how do you #know that it's a crush and not some other itch? how do you know it's not just you being sensitive?#what does it Feel like in your body how does it change your Thoughts jus . what is it!!!#what are the signs tht prove they're not just a friend you cherish? what informs you that they're not just a cherished friend tht you #recognize is attractive?#like. what makes a crush a crush ... how much romance can there be before it becomes a crush instead of platonic love..#whts the difference between a crush n the desire to be close to someone like . 😔 girl help 💔#aughhhhhhhhhhhh 😣😣😣😣😣😣😣

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idiotlovers · 2 years ago

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isnt it crazy how spencer barely knew this kid and yet his entire heart died in that motel somewhere when he found him barely clinging to life ? man isn't it crazy how much love and compassion spencer can hold to a kid who's struggles were killing him from inside and out ? how much care and consideration and attachment he had . ? man isn't that fucking wild <- is not okay at all

#cm 2x11 #lvdipics #im not okay because spencer had to profile the kid and it was like he knew him from the back of his hand #do you think that he knew what it felt like do u think that he felt such overprotectiveness for nathan because he understood?#to understand to have compulsions that destroyed you . that made you want to rip people apart and make you hurt and others hurt #do you think he understood the hardships of witholding that burden from the world when all you wanted to do was scream ?#do you think he understood what it felt like to keep it to yourself and to keep quiet and to not let a peep to anybody because #you dont wanna burden them ? do you think that he understood #what it felt like how painful it was to be good and to not sin and to keep your hands to yourself #when in fact you're as sinful as anybody else and maybe even more because you have these thoughts #thoughts that make you want to die cry kill murder to feed an addiction that you know that cant be fullfilled #because nobody will accept you once you do theyll think youre a monster and the most terrible person alive #do you think he understood that #cm #spencer reid #i KNOW spencer has pent up anger i absolutely know that he does

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louderfade · 1 year ago

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this is wild. they put topiramate in the phentermine and now they've approved its sale to kids. unnecessary express. and all the relevant studies are paywalled naturally. i swear all this street fentanyl was their plan to monopolize the market. they could turn off the fent factories tomorrow i bet, the way they did with quaaludes which don't exist today bc the labs don't make them. but they want fent out there. they want more ill, desperate people who are afraid to take any drugs but theirs. the goal is to get everyone hooked on pharmaceutical garbage that makes us halfsick and compliant. don't forget to take your daily brainfog & binge eat tablet to treat the depression you feel from being deeply unhealthy on every level. still not feeling unwell? don't worry we'll find a pill for you. everybody gets a pill. it's medicine! for your health! ask your doctor if workmoronal is right for you.

#i took psychiatric topiramate for many years #and we used to shoot phentermine recreationally #now they've combined them to create yet another abomination drug that shouldn't exist #just let people take drugs that work #and stop with this garbage about how THOSE drugs are bad and dangerous but THESE drugs are good and safe #like drugs are always a risk y'all's shit included but highways are a risk too and i know you're in league with the addiction recovery #and psych industries too you're all such lying liars stop lying before we put you in jail #topamax is a voltage dependent calcium channel blocker and affects all the neurons in your brain and can do some really weird stuff #and phentermine is just their way of making speed less fun bc they very much hate the idea of anyone altering their own moods #this combo is not a drug we need in the world just take amphetamines jfc end rant #big pharma

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theramblingvoid · 2 years ago

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To everyone who got through today without doing That Thing you're trying so hard not to do: Congratulations, genuinely. I see you. It's overstated by strangers on the internet I know and it might not mean much but I'm so proud of you. You're getting through and you're doing it your way, you're doing amazing, I wish you all the strength and luck and may tomorrow be a little bit easier to face <3

#voidrambles #mental health #addiction #this is not a vague I'm doing alright I promise #was just thinking about how hard and how worth it it is to stop something that you know leads nowhere good #or to resist something that you know isn't worth it #you're powerful. don't let anybody tell you otherwise #least of all you

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euroclydonn · 2 years ago

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texting my mom about how much I hate social media and porn and the commodification of suffering

#I wish I could just shake people and go “YOURE BEING TREATED LIKE A PRODUCT. DON'T BUY IN”#giving a kid a phone without restricted access is like going “here johnny try a cigarette.”#the earlier you're exposed to those addictions the more likely you are to carry them on to adulthood AND add on NEW addictions #like IDK #drug addiction #which I think or rather hope that we can all agree is bad #but parents don't even know that they're doing something wrong when they give their kid a phone #because no one is talking about how the purpose of the technology has advanced beyond it being a tool and has become a method of money maki #you are the product.

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