#you dont wanna burden them ? do you think that he understood
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isnt it crazy how spencer barely knew this kid and yet his entire heart died in that motel somewhere when he found him barely clinging to life ? man isn't it crazy how much love and compassion spencer can hold to a kid who's struggles were killing him from inside and out ? how much care and consideration and attachment he had . ? man isn't that fucking wild <- is not okay at all
#cm 2x11#lvdipics#im not okay because spencer had to profile the kid and it was like he knew him from the back of his hand#do you think that he knew what it felt like do u think that he felt such overprotectiveness for nathan because he understood?#to understand to have compulsions that destroyed you . that made you want to rip people apart and make you hurt and others hurt#do you think he understood the hardships of witholding that burden from the world when all you wanted to do was scream ?#do you think he understood what it felt like to keep it to yourself and to keep quiet and to not let a peep to anybody because#you dont wanna burden them ? do you think that he understood#what it felt like how painful it was to be good and to not sin and to keep your hands to yourself#when in fact you're as sinful as anybody else and maybe even more because you have these thoughts#thoughts that make you want to die cry kill murder to feed an addiction that you know that cant be fullfilled#because nobody will accept you once you do theyll think youre a monster and the most terrible person alive#do you think he understood that#cm#spencer reid#i KNOW spencer has pent up anger i absolutely know that he does
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I I I I I I am so nervous to ask you anything because I feel like a burden to anyone I talk to but How do you think possession would work for Midnite, ifyou have any strong ideas for it? I'm just curious omg I'm so sorry for wasting your time sorry
DO NOT BE SORRY!! YOU CAN DEF ASK ME ANYTHING RANDOM IDM /GEN
So funny you said that!!! I was thinking of a way of how she would control someone the other day while going to work. I forgot what songs I was hearing but it was a lot of possessive behavior songs,
I liketo think she would lie her way to someone’s brain, saying how people will abandoned them and she will be their friend and only friend as slowly control them
Or even like she will tell them they can become stronger together and never fall apart <3
CRAZY PART IS!! THE THOUGHT PROCESS WITH SCRIBBLES… WHERE IF SCRIBBLES REALIZES HIS FRIENDS ‘ABANDONED HIM’ BC THEY DONT INVITE HIM TO PLACES ANYMORE [since he’s always busy with the library and learning things , the group feel upset about him but they understood so they been doing things without him] and midnite would tell him she witness it and shares it all to him, prob even finding proof they never asked him to hang out ECT
Ofc the would wanna see him but he pushed them away kinda doing a tiny bit crazy with trying to understand the world of mario, he just never realized
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I guess I wanted to add to my own post on after seeing a post that pointed out their disagreement of my general point and I have no idea if they saw my post or not so no idea if theyre specifically rebuffing my questioning and I didn't want to reblog theirs and make it feel like I was calling them out or anything to make them uncomfortable but it brought up an interesting point and it has made me think more and I am thankful they gave me a space to do that. It's gonna be another long disjointed ramble and I do not expect anyone to read it more just so I can put thoughts to paper so they're out of my brain
I question who the characters who prayed to not to say 'they should have done more to get the gods attention' but more, I question the earnesty in which they did pray. If 3-4 characters are going to take the same backstory point that the gods haven't answered their prayers, I want it explored because it does not feel earnest to me. This group is the most removed from religion of all three campaigns and a choice has been made by several of the players mid-campaign to say 'my characters prayers were never answered' and that's valid and it is a form of religious trauma that I cannot understand but when multiple characters say it, I wish the choice to frame their characters in that way went further in conversation because it feels slightly empty right now to pull it and use it as part of the character viewpoint on if the gods should be allowed to continue to exist in their current form or not. They are burdened to be part of an incredibly complex situation and they are all coming from that similar viewpoint in their past that the post I saw went into talking about religious trauma and how the campaign is a.. man i dont wanna use the wrong word but I lost the post so I cannot correct myself if im wrong and im sorry for that, but deconstruction? Critique? Of religion in Exandria and that it is more multidimensional that a viewpoint like mine is allowing for. And maybe I am playing checkers and, but I struggle because the characters themselves are not looking at it past their own views. They have not seeked out any other viewpoints from people who are casually religious or devote their lives to it and find comfort or joy it in the further and they get into this conversation especially since FCG's death to shape their own views any different then what they have now. Find someone who finds solace in religion for a change just to hear what they feel about everything. The group goes in circles around and around, and this point of characters prayers going unanswered has been brought up and I crave more from it. I want to know more about it because it is a very conscious choice by the players and since it seems to have shaped a character like Ashton so deeply and they felt so abandoned by them that they would see them be exiled from their home that their entire being is so intrinsically tied to, I want to know more of their experience.
They were willing, in rather condescending terms speak to and about a room full of people and say their experiences cannot possibly be as bad as his and his suffering and call them morons and in my opinion invalidate their experiences when he knows next to nothing about them. I don't like it. I think it's a brilliant move by Taliesin, but dang, if it doesn't make me angry that Ashton so badly wants to be understood and yet does not try to understand others. Hypocrisy is to be human but they long pushed past my ability to understand. If they are going to be that strong in their opinions, I want them to explain what shaped those opinions more. Let me understand how your prayers went unanswered. Did one god spurn you when you were earnest and in your lowest? Did you simply call out into the night air and expect an answer? Did they go to every temple? Did they go to any temple? I want to know how active they were in their exploration. It's entirely valid to be passive in need and feel hurt and abandoned when there is no answer. They are allowed to feel hurt by the gods. But when so many characters have taken that same point, in a world where prayers that we have seen have almost always been answered in some form even if not immediately, I want to understand the situation better and no one is explaining it and I'm a stupid person who sometimes needs things spelled out to grasp it fully. It's just the angle that I am looking at this part of the campaign from.
Keyleth, who has been so impacted directly by the gods in ways that have deeply hurt her for decades, and she is willing to see that the gods are necessary and that she holds respect for them. But again she is also not someone that follows religion in any way. In her youth she questioned a lot and came from a place of celebrating the earth, not the goddess of the earth. She questioned and worroed for Vax when he first was chosen by the Matron if he would lose his free will. I think that's valid to question and worry. I just don't always feel that BH question enough outside of their group to pass judgement on the gods in the way they are being asked to. I just want them to find someone who does follow the gods and is happy with their choices but isnt the leader of the temple and maybe also hasnt found answers from the gods much like they have said they have experienced but still find comfort in it. Go talk to a sailor who prays to Melora before a voyage about the comfort he finds in it or maybe someone who works in the arts who prays to the Arch Heart because it gives them a sense of confidence in their work without devoting their whole life to the one god. We've never had pc who are casually religious. Even now, Orym says he's an equal, not a follower. It's kind of an all or nothing thing with their table.
It's okay that people come at this campaign from a different angle and see my views as simplistic. It really is. Maybe they are. But it's how I'm interacting with the campaign and it's something I question and I have no one in my life to chat it out with and I just kinda spew it out here to write out stupid thoughts.
I guess really I'm stuck on the choice so many players have made to come from the same point in their backstories in a story about how varied religion can be. If they're all gonna go with it I want to understand it more and what happened and how exactly they feel abandoned and ignored because was it all the same, was it varied? Was it earnest? Was it to feel like when the gods weren't answering there was a reason your life hurt you so much. I dunno. I just want to understand a little better.
One thing I've been curious about with Ashton, Imogen, etc, saying they've prayed to the gods, and they never answered... who did they pray to? What did they pray for? This is going to be a huge long ramble that's quite disjointed, and I'm sorry for that. Also I'm going off memory so if I am mistaken in any way or forgetting something, totally my bad and I'll own to it.
If the characters who have said their prayers went unanswered, I wonder if they are randomly just saying words into the universe, just praying to anyone and expecting for a sign from anyone..
I kinda see it like the gods all working in an office, phone ringing constantly, hundreds of emails or the pleas of their followers and a person they don't know randomly just standing at the doorway of the office of all the gods and shouting 'hey you' without any direction or purpose behind it and no followup. Can the gods hear it? Maybe. Probably. But why should they answer it? Do they know it's directed at them? Yes, the gods actively reach out to people who aren't praying. We have seen the wildmother do it with Fjord and Orym now. But both also have deep connections to her domain even before she did so.
If the person praying went to a temple and prayed and asked for something specific etc, I see that as going actually into the office and up to the desk and asking for help. Going to a temple shows actual active choice and active want from a single god of the pantheon. The person praying must look at the deity and think 'this one' for one reason or another no matter how tenuous. But they would show they at least have purpose by going to the temple and in so, know who they are praying to.
Just praying in a moment to the general idea of them.. is so...passive. Again. What are they asking for? Are they asking for anything? Are they asking for a better life? Are they just asking for a sign that the gods see them? Since we have not seen these unanswered prayer moments in game and they have only been mentioned starting mid game as the characters doing it countless times, we do not know what was said in those prayers. And so I wonder.. if someone comes to your desk and just says help, without context. How do you help them? Yes, the gods know things but do they know what is in the heart of people? Do they know what is in their mind? They seem to know more of the people connected to them. Connected to their domains.
What would Fearne ask of in earnest of the gods? What would Imogen ask in earnest of the gods? What would Ashton ask in earnest of the gods? Would Ashton ask without the distaste of authority that is so baked into his being because of his experiences? Not all gods are merciful as the everlight in looking past what could come across as sarcasm and snark.
Then, with signs. Everything I can think of in-game where characters have actively prayed to a single god with a focus for their prayer, it has been, in some form, acknowledged.
It is sometimes just a warm breeze, and sometimes not what they want to hear, and usually, even an absence has a reason to the larger story that is influenced by the choices of the characters. Could they have been sent a sign they didn't recognize because they didn't pray to a single god, so they didn't know to see the sign from a particular god?
Did Imogen always pray to the stormlord? I feel like her path to where he might be has been entirely in game as she has grown so so much. Ashton says he wants to talk to the arch heart only because he interpreted what he saw in Aeor but I don't know he would have prayed to before because I can't imagine what he would have asked for. Did Fearne say she prayed? I can't remember exactly but my brain says she said something along those lines. Am I forgetting where she did so in game to a particular god? If she's saying it happened pre-game... Who would she have prayed to? And especially in the fey realm? Would she even really know the gods there? She didn't really feel consequence until she joined Bells Hells. Would it be in earnest?
Also, the gods are behind the divine gate and cannot work directly outside of someone rolling divine intervention. Often, all they can do is send those small signs. Praying just for a better life isn't something that will be answered because it's not something they can do, at least to my understanding. You get visions and signs 95% of the time.
I know we as the audience knows more than the characters so they could absolutely be expecting more than they have been giving because they don't know what is to be expected. There are so many threads to make up where the characters are and how they act vs how we view them knowing more than they do.
I dunno it's just been bouncing around in my head and then I saw a super interesting and wonderful post talking about how OP wondered if the people saying their prayers hadn't been answered had chosen pre-stream that it would be part of their backstory or if the players decided to add it later on to justify their characters' povs (both totally valid choices) and that post really got my mind turning about what would they pray for? Who would they pray to?
Just my silly little thoughts and how I wonder about how prayers work within Exandria.
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#bells hells#the prime deities#im just struggling a bit to understand and i want to understand a bit more
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My Everything (HRJ)
1.7k words. (Fluff)
Sometimes you wished you could run away from college and then run a café and live with your boyfriend.
You looked up at him, he was playing on his phone, why was he so relaxed? He has finals too next week. "Renjun! Don't you have to study?" You said.
"I'm done with my course." He said looking back down at his phone.
You sighed, he was always one step ahead of you, even when you were in school he used to teach you things because he was done. Now, even in college he was done before you. Even though you had different majors, you had the same college and fortunately, your classes took place in the same building.
A sigh escaped from your lips as you looked at the amount of chapters left. "What's wrong baby?" Renjun said, sitting next to you.
"I have 3 more chapters left, and exams are next week." You said. "Anything i can help with?" At this you snickered.
"Babe you're an arts major, how are you going to help me with Company Law?" You smiled and looked down.
"I am smart." He said. "I never said you're dumb."
He stood behind your chair and started massaging your shoulders and neck. "Renjun what the-" He shushed you. "Get back to work." He kept massaging your shoulders.
"Renjun stop. That fucking hurts."
"You're stressed it's all pent up-"
"I told you to fucking stop it." You shouted at him, shooting a death glare.
"Why are you being so mean? I'm just trying to help." Renjun spat at you.
"You're clearly not helping, so how about you leave? You're just adding on to my stress with your completed course." You shouted at him.
He picked his bag up and slammed the door on his way out, making you flinch a little.
Asshole, that's the only word that came to your head once he left. His temper is very very short. Sometimes you wondered why you dated him and got annoyed at him. You had noticed how nowadays, the way he dealt with you had started changing.
He'd shout and slam doors. He never did that before but he was doing it nowadays. He is definitely bored of you and wants to break up with you, this is what you thought.
He on the other hand was very stressed, it wasn't about studies, it was about his family. After he left for college, he got to know about the fights which happened back at home. His mom and dad were fighting a lot more than when he was back at home. It had driven him off the edge that he wasn't there to stop his parents. He was an only child, so he'd end up persuading them to stop fighting, but he couldn't do it from here, in college. The only person who'd listen to him was getting annoyed at him too, you. He thought that he was the problem, probably everyone around him has problems because of him.
You weren't able to complete your course because Renjun decided to stay the nights in between semester and took you out so much. If he would've told you to study, you'd be revising by now. He forgot that you leave everything for him. He hadn't told you anything about what was happening back at home. He applied to the same college as you because he didn't want to lose you but he slowly understood that he was just a distraction for you.
Renjun didn't speak to you the entire week, and the week after that. You were done with your exams but still no contact or trace of Renjun.
You called him multiple times those weeks but he didn't pick up, knowing that he was probably busy revising, you left him alone. You needed the space.
After your exams were over you went to his shared flat, one of his flatmates saw you in an alleyway and smiled at you. "Mark, have you seen Renjun?"
"Renjun went to college, he must be back by now though." Mark said.
"Ok, thanks."
"If he isn't home, you can just wait on the couch, he'll be back soon I think." Mark said.
You nodded, bidding Mark a goodbye and walking to their apartment. Renjun had told you the password to the apartment, all his flatmates knew that he had a girlfriend and they didn't mind it. They were friendly and got along with you.
When you unlocked the door and got in you saw a girl in the kitchen, around the same age as you.
"Oh Mark you're back?" She said and turned around. "Hello." You said and she smiled at you. "Who are you by the way?" She asked you, the question took you aback.
"I'm Rejun's girlfriend." You said, her mouth formed a small Oh. "What's your Major and Year?"
"I'm a final year in BCom."
"I'm a first in year Mass Media. Oh by the way I'm Mark's girlfriend." She said and passed a cup of coffee towards you. "Renjun isn't home, how about you wait here till he's back? He said he wanted to get some groceries." Mark's girlfriend said. She was younger than you and Mark. Mark was doing his post graduation and she was in her first year. You and Renjun were the same age.
When Renjun had moved in only Mark was living here, before another guy named, Jeno had moved in. You had found yourself a reasonable one flat apartment but slowly it's cost was rising which was a problem for you, but you kept living in it.
"We're looking for a flatmate." Mark's girlfriend said, trying to break the awkward silence. "Oh, where do you live?"
"The apartment above."
The both of you started talking about college and she told you details about the flat and the empty room. It seemed decent and you thought about it. "Can i see it?" It was a chance to be closer to Renjun, he wouldn't have to commute so much to see you.
Renjun came back home an hour after you had arrived, Mark and his girlfriend kept you entertained. They made you coffee and spoke to you.
When Renjun came home, you saw his red face, which was puffy.
He saw you and stood at the door frozen. Slowly tears started to fall from his eyes and your movements were quick. You ran to him and hugged him. He fell on his knees near the shoe shelves and you hugged him. He cried into your arms and you soothed his back.
"What's wrong Jun?" You asked softly. Instead you got a louder sob for a reply.
His grip around you tightened and he cried for a few minutes before pulling away and pushing your hair back from your face.
"My parents are getting divorced, and i thought i lost you because you lost interest in me-"
"Renjun I love you." You said hands caressing his cheek. "Why didn't you tell me about all this?"
"I didn't want to burden you, and I thought you'd get affected."
"Renjun, if it's bothering you and is a problem to you, it's my problem too." You said smiling at him.
"They've been fighting a lot lately, since i came here." Renjun looked down at the floor. "I wasn't there to stop them."
"Renjun, its not your fault." You put your hand under his chin and made him look up at you. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself."
"But I should've been there and because of me you weren't able to complete your course on time, its all my fault."
Your boyfriend who was almost a head taller than you, suddenly seemed like a small lost child who you wanted to coddle and sing to. He looked so troubled and sad that your heart hurt. It wasn't his fault, he blames himself for everything.
You remember the time when you were cutting vegetables and got a slight cut, he blamed himself for it, saying that he knew that you dont know how to use a knife so he should've been the one cutting the vegetables.
He was harsh on himself and as much as you believed you could change it, you couldn't but you wanted to.
"Renjun, its not your fault that i didn't study, it's my fault. That's on me."
"If I hadn't stayed the nights, you'd be done."
"Renjun you stayed over the weekends, i always had weekdays but i ended up wasting them, it's on me." You explained to him.
"What about my parents? That's totally on me. I shouldn't have left them knowing how hostile they are towards each other."
"If they were hostile towards each other did you ever consider that they were both stressed together. They didn't want to be together Renjun."
He finally looked at you, eyes dejected.
"I want to break up with you."
"Why?"
"I'm nothing but a distraction to you."
"You are my driving force. You're like a miracle to me. I wish you could see that." You connected your foreheads. "You're the person i look forward to each day, knowing you'll provide me comfort and that you'll be there to listen to me."
"And i wish i could show you how much i feel for you, It can't be expressed in words." You whispered, planting a small kiss on his cheek.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on and for keeping you in the dark." Renjun said.
You nodded. "You're not gonna hear the end of it, they annoyed me so much over the phone about who'll keep the pearls and me." Renjun said. "Honestly, your mom deserves the pearls." You said looking into his eyes.
A small giggle came from his chest. "Yeah she does."
That's when the door opened and Jeno entered. "Renjun, its dirty here-"
"Oh hi Y/N!" Jeno smiled and waved at you. Mark slowly pulled Jeno, "You're ruining their moment dude." Mark muttered under his breath.
All of you laughed and ate ramen for dinner, enjoying each others company.
"Renjun, Mark's girlfriend told me there's a room upstairs that's empty. I was thinking i should move in there." You said when he brought you to his room.
"Actually, i was about to ask you if you wanna move in together, Mark wants his girlfriend to shift downstairs, we can have the entire apartment to ourselves." Renjun smiled. "Plus my house is closer to our college."
"Yes, I'll move in with you."
New beginnings awaited you two, all full of happiness and sunshine with a few rainy days, but no storm lasts forever, all of them pass, and bring along sunshine again.
Read More: Masterlist
#nct#nct dream#nct 127#superm#hot sauce#nct jisung#hendery#nct u#nct drabbles#huang renjun#nct renjun#renjun#renjun icons#renjun fluff#mark lee#00 line imagines#nctfics#nct dream imagines#nct dream fluff
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Love Never Wins
Summary: Words will be said but do you really think either one of you mean them. Sometimes actions speak louder.
Warnings: slight angst
Characters: Loki, Thor, Y/n, Clint, avengers in the background here and there
Loki x you, Thor x you (platonic), Clint x you (brother,sister)
ANNOUNCEMENT: Not going to lie. This was going to be a simple short sweet straight to the point drabble but it turned into such a looooong one shot (i guess) I was in a good head space wgile writing this and just couldnt stop really. But it is something that I am very proud of.
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: I've had to make this a simple 2 part. I got way to carried away with everything in it!
Loki Masterlist
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What's going on with you?" You yelled as you grabbed Loki by the arm pulling him away from the girl who was obviously flirting with him and he with her.
"What are you talking about? We were talking." He yelled back.
"You were flirting Loki in front of everyone! Openly! Don't play me for the fool you think I am. You've been off lately. Not around as much, zoning out when we finally have some time together. If there's something you want to say tell me now." You felt the tears rush to your eyes. You had seen all the signs, hell you were an expert at the signs. Multiple boyfriends had given you the signs before but for some reason you though that maybe, just maybe, he was diffrent.
"I just feel like we've grown apart in the last few months y/n. I don't think I can do this anymore." he said simply.
"You said I brought out the best side of you, that I was the love of your life." You said tears streaming down your face now, to hell with the makeup you was wearing you wasn't going back to the party anyways.
"You're not." He stated simply clenching his jaw.
"Ok fine. It's not the first time I've been broken up with. Just the first time that I had ever put so much into someone that I truly did see a future with just to have my heart completely ripped out in front of me. You got me good this time trickster. Don't think I'll be able to fully recover from this one." You spat back at him before turning to head up stairs to your room that the two of you had shared for so long.
Luckily Tony hadn't done anything to the room you had once occupied on a lower level of the tower so you easily moved all of your clothing back into there in a matter of no time. You weren't use to the feeling of being alone but thats all you wanted right now for the rest of your life. The god of tricks had ruined other men for you, he had once shown you love like you had never felt, and now your heart broke like it had never broke before.
"Hey sis, noticed you weren't- oh god what did he do?" Clint asked walking into your room. "Knew something was up. I could feel it."
"Hawk stop with the twin shit, its creepy." You huffed whipping your eyes on the back your long sleeve hoodie.
"What happened? All I know is you two disappeared, he came back, you didn't, and he said I should probably find you in your old room." He sat down next to you.
"We broke up. Easy as that. Ya know I never understood why they say not to date your co workers till today." You shrugged turning to him. "When we first got together you hated it-"
"To be fair he did brainwash me."
"I didn't say you didn't have a right. We kept it from you for a while though. But we hadn't been together long, Hawk, I thought he was diffrent from any man I ever dated-"
"Well he is a god, kinda different."
"Would you shut up so I can vent just for a little bit then you can go back to the party."
"Na, parties lame anyways, I was thinking about hanging out here for a little bit." He said kicking his shoes off and proping his feet on the coffee table throwing his arms across the back of the couch.
"Whatever," you rolled your eyes as you snuggled into your brother. "He was so kind, gentle, he was paciant with me. He knew that me and you were close and he didnt wamt to get in the way of that. He wanted us to be closer than he and Thor was. I think it helped him realize just how important family is when you only have each other. We kept it a secret for so long though." You pulled the hood up closer to your face. You didn't want to admit to yourself but you had kept the jacket because it still smelled like him.
"Nat seen the two of you making out in the hall weeks before you told anyone by the way." He laughed pulling you closer to him. " I didnt say anything though because I knew you would tell me when you were comfortable with it."
"I love him so much and he played me. Completely tricked me into these feelings that I dont think will ever change." You sobbed wrapping your arms around his waist, he through his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer.
"Hes a dick with a god complex. Hes not good enough for you at all. Coming from a brother, a twin brothers point of view, I think you could do better. All is fair in love and war, but dont put it past me to be a little rougher on him during training, and I wont point anything out if you happen to let some bad guy kill him on the field." He said kissing the top of your head.
"Hawk, you know I'm not like that. I habe a reputation to up hold." You said slapping his arm before pulling away. "If you wanna stay theres still some of your sweats that I stole in the bedroom and ice cream in the freezer, but your sleeping on the couch. Its been since we were kids that we shared a bed but I bet you still kick."
~~~~
A few weeks had passed since you and Loki had called it quites. You had been mainly staying in your room trying not to cause any uncomfortable silence if you and Loki wede in the same room. On one occasion when you had ventured out to the living room you seen Loki holding an icepack to his eye and a busted lip, your first instinct was to rush over and make sure he was ok but instead you turned and took a seat between Thor and Clint.
"Lady Y/n, as always your peresnts lights up the room. We just havent been seeing much of it as of late." Thor greeted you with a warm smile throwing his huge arm ober your shoulder, making you look smaller than you already was.
"No more gods." Clint mumbled beside you.
"Thor is just a friend. One of the best I have." You laughed. "What happened?" Nodding toward Loki.
"Payback." He shrugged.
"Ah yes, it turns out Loki is not very good at hand to hand combat unles he is able to use his magic." Thor laughed. "I always tried to get him to train with me but he never did, turns out he probably should have."
"Oh for god sakes I'm right here and you three are not really whispering. I shouldn't have to learn hand to hand combat I have my sedair! I'm assuming it was just your brothers idea so that he could get back at me." He yelled.
"And you forget that there could come a time when you might need hand to hand. I told you many times that you needed to train but no mister 'I'm Loki prince of Asguard, burdened with glorious purpose', mister I have my magic. Bullshit. Your just sour because a mear mortal bested you at something. Grow a pair and learn how to actually fight." You jumped up. You had finally snapped. It had been coming tough sitting in you waiting for the right, or wrong, time to show up.
"You watch your tone!" He shouted jumping up. "I know how to fight better than half the people in here." Clint and Thor slowly stood watching the scene in front of them neither one know what to do.
"You know how to use your pixie dust to make things happen! Well guess what tinker bell this aint Neverland. We get in weird predicaments all the time you never know what to expect." You yelled back. "Hell Loki, your probably so bad at hand to hand even I could beat you."
"Oh your on. Training room, 30mins. That is unless your scared?" He said giving you a mischievous smirk.
"Trust and believe I'm not afraid of you by any means. No weponds, no sedair strictly hand to hand." You said turning on your heel to walk to your room to get ready leaving Clint and Thor standing alone in the living room aww struck.
"So what do we do?" Clint finally asked.
"Well of course we have to stop this. It will not end very well." Thor answered.
"So tell the others?"
"Yes you tell the others I will get refreshments for the battle." They took off in seprate directions.
#loki and thor#loki avengers#loki fanfic#loki fanfiction#loki laufeyson#loki odinson#loki x reader#loki daily#loki#loki angst#lokilaufeyson#loki one shot#loki fandom#loki x y/n
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Weight of the World
WARNING: This is a sensitive Fic that deals with depression, mentions of dark thoughts, punching a wall, and anxiety. It has a fluffy ending.
A/N: Please put yourself first and don't read this fic if it will put you in any kind of dark place because of what is metions and please know that my DM’s are always open. Feel free to message me all hours of the day or night, I am always here to talk.
Request: this is a touchy request so i understand if you are uncomfortable with writing it. it’s kinda a comfort/coping prompt but can you write corpse x reader where reader has been going through manic depression and just pushes everyone away and performs self destructive behavior, and corpse has to talk y/n out of su*icide? recently i’ve just.. been really going through it is all i can say. if you don’t wanna write it, totally understandable ❤️
Paring: Corpsex reader, Sykkuno x reader (best friends)
You rolled over in your bed as your phone rang, hiding yourself further into your covers. You woken up yesterday morning and your depression had hit you full force. You couldnt really put a finger on wheat caused your manic depressive episode but it was kicking your ass. It had been a while since you felt like this and you couldnt find the strength at the moment to pull yourself out of it and in doing so you were pushing away the person you loved the most. Corpse. The love of your life but you couldnt even answer his phone calls or texts. Instead you physically turned away from his caller ID, the last time you had talked to him was through a text yesterday telling him that you needed space and that was all.
The more you thought about it the angrier it made you, the angrier you became with yourself. As your mind slipped into darker, angrier thoughts your phone rang again but think time it was your best friend Sykkunos ring tone, Big booty bitches.
Corpse must have called him. You thoguht before reluctantly picking up the phone, wiping tears from your face. “What Sykkuno”
“Oh uh h-hi y/n. I just wanted to uh call you and check up on you, you didnt come to the Among Us lobby yesterday.” You sighed.
“Im fine Sy.” Your tone was short and rough, you hated acting this way but you didnt want to pull anyone else down intot the slump that you were in.
“O-okay, well im here okay. Love you y/n/n”
“Yeah love you too sy. Never forget that.” and with that you hung up on him, tears running down your face again as your thoughts continued down a dark route.
CORPSE POV
Corpse was going out of his mind trying to figure out what was going on with you. After your text yesterday he had been battling his anxiety on wether or not he should oush the situation, corpse knew you depression could get back sometimes but he also understood sometimes people just needed space. So he turned to the only other person he could trust right now, Sykkuno.
“Hey buddy.”
“Oh hey corpse, whats goin on?” It made corpse smile to hear that at least sykkuno was still his normal cheerie self.
“I need a favor, I think y/n is having another episode butbut she wont answer my calls so I was wondering if you could try and call her for me. See if she answers.”
“Yeah of course man, but why dont you just go over there?” Corpse sighs.
“Im going to but I dont want to push ya know. Its- this is a touchy thing.” Sykkuno hums in agreement before hanging up. Corpse paces back and forth in his livingroom till Sykkuno calls back.
“Hey Corpse”
“Did she answer?” Sykkuno sighs.
“Yeah and she doesnt sound like shes doing very well.Im actually really really worried Corpse.” Before Sykkuno could even finish his sentence Corspe was grabbing his car keys and hoodie.
“Im heading over there now, Ill text you later with and update. Thank you for calling her.”
“Of course, just keep me updated.” Corpse faster than he ever had , it was a mirical he didnt get pulled over.
Please be okay, please be okay. He repeated in his mind over and over as he run up to your apartment door. He entered quietly and quickly, not even bothering to take his shoes off. You entire apartment was dark and eerily quiet but as he neared your bedroom he could hear your quiet cries coming from the bathroom. He knocks on the door and tires to open it but it was locked.
“Go away.” You cried with broke Corpses heart.
“Baby girl, please open the door.”
“NO please just go away!”
Your POV
You felt out of control as you cried so you puched and yelp in pain. Corpse wastes no time kicking in the door.
“Im sorry baby Ill fix that I promise.” He says quickly as he kneels down beside you. You didnt know if it was the suddenness of the door kicking in or him beig here or both but you broken down into even more of a crying mess on your bathroom floor. Corpse pulls you into his chest and you try to fight him off.
“No leave me alone, go away!” He only held you tighter and closer.
“Y/N I’m not going anywhere. We made a promise to eachother remember? We promised to never leave eachother remember? Me and you together. Im promise to fight next to you. So please just breath and let me help baby please.” Eventually you stopped fighting against him and clung to him like your life depended on it, and in this moment you were positive it did. You didnt know how much time passed between that moment and when Corpse finally stood, holding you bridalstyle as he carried you to the room. You laid both you you down, never letting you leave his hold. As you laid there Corpse left sof kisses around your face and whispered sweet loving things to you.
“You are so strong Y/n” He ran his fingers through your hair and kissed your forehead. “You are beautiful and smart” Corpse kisses your temple. “You are worth every single breath you take, every single atom and molecule in this universe that you take up you are worthy of.” He gently lifts you chin so you were looking up at him with your red, puffy eyes. “A wise girl once told me, that I know it gets hard and feels like the weight of the world is one your shoulders but theres two of us now and you dont have to take the weight on alone.” You sniffle and look up at him.
“Hey I said that.” Your voice was weak and horse from crying.
“Yes baby girl, you did, and I hope you knoe its true. I am right here.”
“I dont want to burden you, I know you have some much on your plate already I dont want to throw my shit on there too.” He shakes his head and lays his forehead on yours.
“You arent burdening me, the only thing that ever puts more stress on my plate is when you push me away because I cant help you when you do that.” You sniffle reaching up and brush your finger tips across his cheek.
“Im so sorry I put you through this.” Tears started to well up in your eyes but Corpse qucikly wipes under them and peppers your forehead in kisses.
“Hey hey hey none of that baby. Alls well now. Im here now.”
“Thank you my love. You are my rock.’
“And you are mine”
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#corpse husband#corpse husband x reader#corpse fic#corpse husband x female reader#corpse husband imagine#youtubers fanfic#youtubers x reader#youtuber imagine
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There Once Was A Man With No Arms-
Goshiki x Manager!Tendou!FirstYear!Sister!Reader
a/n: that was a mouthful
anon request: ahhh i loved your headcanons of iwaizumi dating oikawa's sister!!! this time, can i request goshiki x tendou's first year sis na manager din ng team nila? salamatttt hehe ingat ka lagiii💞
this cute little bowl cut babie
so you are the little baby sister of our favorite red hair cutie and he was the one who offered you the manager position
ofc you accepted bc hello, you get to hang out w your brother and tease semi-semi-senpai everyday
pls let semi live
everyone likes you though bc you are their manager and you do a lot of things for them even though you dont need to
like sometimes, you stop by the store and pick up all kinds of snacks and if its really hot, popsicles and ice cream
ushijima farmer-san is known to be quite stoic and serious but he’s pretty chill around you and even ruffles your hair whenever you make a stupid joke
as a tendou, you are basically like a ctrl+v with your brother
the same cute teasing and bubbly personality but the quick change to serious and demeaning
the team gets stressed, especially mom, bc he has to take care of not one red-head freak but two
but he liked you more though bc you were a first year and you were this short little pumpkin and you were so nice and just all around A D O R A B L E
but you just didnt rub goshiki the right way
maybe bc he thought you were just doing this as an act and no person could really be this bubbly and cheerful
or hes just jealous his senpais attention is directed to you
he will DIE FOR HIS SENPAIS
whenever he gets a good spike, you cheer him on and say things like, ‘nice spike, tsu-chan!’ and he swears youre just doing this bc you want to kill him with a heart attack and he doesnt like feeling like this but you like torturing him
boi what is with this logic
even though he lives for praises, your praises and compliments just hits different than his senpais
before he even realized it, he started all out glaring at you and tendou, being the overprotective brother he was, pointed him out on it
‘oi, little kouhai, you got a problem with our y/n?’
at the mention of your name you turned around from talking to the coach and everyone turned to goshiki, expecting him to answer
unfortunately you didnt hear what your brother said so you were just confused
‘hm? i read the room and i am not comfortable with the energy in the gym today’
someone snorted while goshiki turned red at the attention being on him with the topic of you so he just walks away back to the court
‘oh? what was that all about?’
semi shushes tendou and gives you a smile
‘y/n, can you help tossing the ball for us?’
you nodded and quickly ran to the chair and waddled over to put it by the net before standing on it
everyone turned red, including goshiki and even shirabu, and busted their uwus
‘okay! let’s go!’
youve always noticed tsutomu and his determination to beat ushijima which youve appreciated bc he was so hard-working and he was talented enough
‘good one, tsu-chan!’
‘t-thanks, y/n-san’
even when no one noticed it, you were always there to give him compliments and he always grows flustered and hes just a big idiot babie and doesnt realize that your praises makes his heart beat faster bc he thinks youre freaking pretty and someone pretty complimenting him in his spikes boosts his ego
but eventually, it grew on him
instead of looking around for any senpai to praise him, he now turned to you and you would give him that adorable smile and he would bite his lip to stop himself from running over and hugging the life out of you
then he remembers who your brother is, well more like how protective the boys were
‘waka-senpai, nii-chan got sick so he wants you to stop by his dorm later today!’
‘okay’
since you were their teammate’s sister, theyve known you for a while and watched you grow from being this little middle school girl to a first year high schooler
you were practically their sister
goshiki went to a different middle school so he never really realized how the guys treated you so differently but he knew it would be difficult to win them over for your hand
oops wait what
this thought struck him just as he was drinking water and he ended up choking on water causing you to run over from talking to semi so you could pat his back
‘omg, tsu-chan, you need to be careful!’
this was only the beginning of weeks of being weird
like he was so distracted and different that shirabu actually yelled at him and refused to give him any tosses
‘you talk big about being the ace but the slightest distraction could cost you a match. are you really being serious about being the ace or is it all just talk?’
he got all sad and mopey and he had to sit on the bench
goshiki never got benched
he was too good to be benched!
but he was and he did not like it
you went over to him and sat next to him
‘tsu-chan, can you follow me?’
he looked up from the floor and he shrugged before following you out of the door
the others watched their first years exit the gym and they contemplated following
but tendou, surprise!, actually stopped them
‘my sister can sort him out herself. trust me’
goshiki didnt exactly know where you were taking him to until you stopped by by the baseball field where there was mud
‘y/n-san, why-’
‘you always say my name formally, why is that? im a first year too, tsu-chan’
he looked down
‘um, i-i don’t know-’
‘y/n-chan, tsu-chan. try it out’
‘y-y/n-chan’
you squealed at how cute he looked w red ears and a red face but you refrained from hugging him
then you remembered why you brought him out
‘oh right! come here, tsu-chan!’
you took a branch from a nearby tree and encouraged him to crouch down with you as you began to draw on the mud
‘there was once a man with no arms-’
you started happily singing and this was when goshiki really realized the resemblance between you and your brother
you both were happy and cheerful bc you wanted to radiate the energy to the others to be happy too
and it worked
tendou’s funny songs and jokes always made the others laugh and you did too
goshiki was happy that he was able to absorb that energy and he soon completely forgot about shirabu’s comments
once you were done, you have drawn a dog on the mud and the boy was so amazed at the sudden creation
he looked up at you with wide eyes and you laughed with a wide grin at his expression
‘hehe, its cool, right? nii-chan showed me something like that before when i got sad and it made me happy again. i thought it would work on you too’
he might have questionable feelings around you bc when you mentioned being sad, he felt weird
like he was relieved he wasnt there to see you sad bc he couldnt take it seeing your usual grin into a frown and your bright shining eyes filled with tears
‘y/n-chan, when you get sad, call me, okay? so i can go to you and make you smile like you did with me’
your eyes widened in surprise but you nodded, your grin even wider
‘im counting on you, tsu-chan!’
and he did
when he received a call late at night from you, he easily snuck out from his dorm and ran to the baseball field where he saw your crouching figure aimlessly dragging the stick in circles
‘y/n-chan!’
he huffed and panted after running so fast and you looked up before running to hug him
‘im here now. youre okay’
you didnt release out your problems on him bc you didnt want to burden him
but he understood and just hugged you until you felt better enough to return to your crouching
goshiki hurriedly grabbed the stick and began to do the same thing you did for him before
‘then he jumped onto the lake and got stung by bees?’
he stopped and frowned, realizing he wasnt right
but the frown lifted when he heard your giggle
‘tsu-chan, he got stung by bees first and then he jumped on the lake!’
the corners of his mouth lifted and he chuckled
‘heh, i guess he did. but this is my version so listen closely, okay y/n-chan?’
this might be the reason you got close w the first year
the others noticed it too since you seem to pamper him and take more time taking care of him than them
like you even started wiping his sweat for him while he just giggles when you pull on the long strands of his hair
‘tsu-chan, i want to cut it!’
‘no, y/n-chan!’
‘but-!’
he grabbed your hands and your arms around his torso so he could do the same to you and gently tugged on the ends of your long hair
‘you too then, y/n-chan. your hair is long too’
you pouted then gently punched his chest
‘mean, tsu-chan’
‘heh?! mean?! how?!’
tendou is like the best big brother ever and hes just like ‘yuhhhh get it tsutomu!!!!’
eventually, goshiki began playing even better
his complete spike percentage has increased and his jumping has gotten higher
but the team predicts that this was all because he’s trying to show off to you and your praising and compliments have motivated him to play better
forget being ace, he just wants you to praise him
‘y/n-chan! y/n-chan! did you see that?’
‘wahh!!!! so cool, tsu-chan!!”
bus trips to matches are so cute but yall lowkey annoy the players a bit
yall sit next to each other and are just leaning together as you giggle over stupid cat videos
like we get, goshiki is getting some quicker than us
i feel like before moving on to relationships, goshiki and you would be best friends first and then move on to the dating stuff
tbh, theres no difference bc yall have always been like that but theres just an offical label now
‘hey, tsu-chan, wanna date?’
‘u-um,, sure?’
yall would hang out in either his dorm or yours and yall would be alone bc the team actually trusts you but you dont know that they pass by the door ever 5 minutes and listen in to just to make sure yall are not doing anything bad
smh they so nosy but we luv them
you know of his insecurities about not being enough and his fears of not being the ace and his dreams of playing to the big leagues and his passion to continue playing on the court for as long as he can and how excited he is to be able to spend all those years with you
he knows of your insecurities about the way you look and being associated with your apparent freak of a brother but you didnt care about that and even fought someone when they said something and your deep protectiveness for the boys, especially your brother but it’s all because the boys were the ones to accept you with open arms and treat you like family
yall shared a lot of secrets amongst yourselves and tbh, your communication is just *chefs kiss*
so serious fights dont happen, like ever, just stupid little arguments that are usually resolved like an hour later
since youre also a manager, its also your job to make sure the boys are maintaining their good grades and you know that shira-senpai has given up on tutoring tsutomu
i mean,,, goshiki is smart but he gets distracted easily and ends up spacing out during lessons
yknow?
thats when the little arguments bc youd be trying to teach him the damn phythagorean theorem and hed be distracted at how come your hair was styled like that today
‘goshiki tsutomu, i will leave your ass to fail right now if you dont stop touching my hair’
‘but babyyyyyy’
‘no, ‘dont baby’ me, you idiot! you’ll be crying like a baby when you fail and you’re bench during the next game!’
oof also!
hes a protective little babie and he gets jealous easily so whenever yall have games, he literally hangs all over you
like he makes a show of putting his jacket over you and kissing your forehead so that the other teams know to stop looking over at your direction and whispering about you
ofc this gets on your nerves but you cant help but think how cute he looks when he gets jealous
he gets all pouty and touchy and youre just like, take my uwus you big babie
even tendou is like, ‘im her brother yet hes more protective than me’
he demands to be hugged 24/7 but thats not appropriate if youre in public so he ltr drags you outside and away from people just so he could hug you
he likes hugging you bc youre shorter than him and it makes him feel all special and soft since you like to burrow your face into his chest and your sweater paws are just like ugggggghhhhhhhhh
whenever he gets nervous, you kiss his fingers and his knuckles bc it soothes him and youre just his good luck charm and he feels like he can take over the world w a single kiss from you
‘baby, didja see that?! i was so cool, right?!’
‘so proud of you, tsu-chan! youre so cool!’
‘i love y/n like a sister but if she inflates his ego more, i will have to tape her mouth’
can you guess who said that?
overall a relationship i strive for and i really want a goshiki now thanks byeeeeeee
a/n: ngl goshiki’s hair lowkey triggered me when i first saw him bc why the heck does it look like that?! but now i actually like it on him and i cant imagine any other hairstyle fitting him
#goshiki#goshiki imagine#goshiki imagines#goshiki tsutomu#goshiki tsutomu imagines#goshiki tsutomu imagine#goshiki x reader#goshiki tsutomu x reader#shiratorizawa#tendou satori#tendou satori sister#tendou sister#goshiki scenarios#goshiki scenario#goshiki tsutomu scenarios#goshiki tsutomu scenario#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu!! x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu!! headcanons#shiratorizawa headcanons#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu imagine#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu scenario#haikyuu!! imagines#haikyuu!! imagine#haikyuu!! scenarios
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Hey! Ive been feeling a bit in the muds so could you do like and old type of fanfic...like a mob!tom on a retro phone just sweet talking the reader?
Only if your requests are open tho. I dont wanna be a burden
Aw baby you could never EVER be a burdon. Dont ever be shy to talk to me because im always here babe.
T.H| What a Sweetheart
Summary: 👺👺👺
Warnings: ah just some fluff- i went overboard i hope your okay with that-
A/n: I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER- HERE ILL POST A WEIRD VIDEO FOR YOU
There you sat. The baby pink everywhere as you laid on your stomach rocking your feet and reading a book, sucking on your lolipop
Ring Ring, Ring Ring
A smile and a giggle brought to your lips, sitting up and crawling to the old pink retro phone you answered, curling the wire around your fingers with the other hand holding the pop.
“Hey babyface” “hi tommy” he also laid there, in the darkness as he starred at the empty wall, shirtless and pantless, just in his boxers and in his socks rubbing his stomach and wanting to listen to your voice.
“I missed you” you laughed at his words “i missed ya to tommy” “i miss your voice...that pretty face of yours” “well i cant come see you, daddy stays at home now and he needs my help” “i dont need your help princess” you giggled at his joke “not youuuu, my real daddy”
“Mhmm princess, well what are you wearing?” You looked down at yourself then squealed “well i just got this fuzzy pink robe! Its so cute!” He chuckles and shifted in his spot. “Are you tired dollface?” Your lips go to the side for a moment, thinking before speaking.
“Kind of” “well, can i talk you to sleep” he desperately asked, biting his lip waiting for an answer. “Yeah let me go turn off the lights” you muttered, putting the phone down before getting up and walking to your door to switch the light off.
When you came back to your large bed you cleaned everything up and tom waited patiently, humming some songs to himself before you came back.
“Alright, what dya’ got for me” you asked, laying down on your side and holding onto the phone. “I just wanted to praise you bunny. Tell you how beautiful you are and how much i love you. How you speak and walk....your just everything for me ya know?”
“Really?” You said, your voice shrinking. “Of course baby, you deserve the whole wide world, do you know that? I feel like you should just sit on a cloud because your too good for this earth”
You sighed “thank you, but whats going on with you?” He bit his lip before answering, sitting up against the headboard “uhm, this job has been so stressful lately, i havent seen my family at all. I havent seen you- i just feel alone...”
“Oh...well i can ask my daddy to drop me off” you suggested. “No you dont have to, i only wanted to hear that sweet sweet voice” he chuckled, his head hanging low as he thought about what to buy you next.
“Im still listening!” You perked up making him laugh “i know you are princess, just lay down yeah? All ears for me?” “Got it tommy” “you ready?” “Mhm”
“I wanna buy you everything and more because your such a good girl for me, i wanna pleasure you in any and every way possible because you deserve it” “really? Give me some examples” “i dont know....rub your feet?” You both shared a small laugh “i know youve been wanting that fox fur coat..”
“I would fucking kill for that coat” “your daddy hasnt bought it for you yet?” He asked, a smirk on his face. “No, i havent asked at all” “whys that baby girl?”
You sighed before answering “because hes been so hard on me...hes getting old and-“ “you dont have to finish baby i know, i just wish we could all get together and be happy” “why cant we?” You asked rather innocently.
“Well...your daddy doesnt like my dad, and my dad doesnt like yours so we just continue to clash and fued” he wiped his eye. “Thats no fun, maybe i can talk to him” “what are you gonna say? That we are in love together and we wanna get married?” He sarcastically chuckled and your eyebrows furrowed.
“Well do you?” You asked. “Yeah doll...i do. Why dont we just run away and kill everyone in our path”
He didnt know why he was suggesting it. He in one of the biggest mobs and hes held responsible as one of the main people in the family, aside from you and yours. He really isnt the one for violence but he just wants at least a break of peace.
“Daddy wouldn’t like that” you shook your head. “I know, i just really miss you pretty girl” “i miss you to tom- thats why i wanna see you-“ “no itll just put you in danger! Stay home y/n” “what if i dont want to!”
“Then you cant come here. Im sorry!” “I dont care, bye-“ “wait-“ before he could finish you hung up the phone, dropping it back on its place before getting up and putting on your slippers and walking to the kitchen, finding your father eating.
“Daddy no carbs!” “Honey its 9 o’clock, give me a break” he glared at you, eating the piece of buttered bread. “Well i have a questionnnn” you distanced off, the slippers making a noise while you walked to the counter where your father was at. “Hm?” He groaned looking at you. “Dont get mad at me! Promise!” You said, holding up your hand and tilting your head at him.
“Spit it out y/n” “okay okay- can you pretty please talk to the hollands-“ he choked on the piece of bread “daddy!” You run up to him, aggressively patting his back. “Okay okay- im done! But you said what?” He looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed.
“The....hollands” you muttered looking away from him. “We have been against each othet for generations! And what makes you want to speak and collaborate with them” “daddy...theres this-“ “oh fuck off! Please dont tell me-“ you only nodded. “A white man?” “Daddy!” “What? Im being honest!”
“Whens the next meeting!” You asked. “In a week”
This is your first time ever coming to one of the meetings, and you were afraid. Your mob color is a dark brown so you wore it...daddy refused to let you wear anything too revealing because these men are dirty.
“Cover yourself!” “What are you talking about!” “Y/n.” “Finnneeee!” You stomped back to your room and your dad gifted you a tuxedo, so you wore it...
“Seeeeee you look great! Your grandfather would be so proud of you” news flash. All the women in the family ran away or whatever, they didnt know what they were getting their sleves into.
“Can we just leave”
Clank clank clank clank
You walked behind your dad and his close partners followed behind you, protecting you from toms family.
“You do not speak. You hear me y/n. Just sit down and listen” “yeah” you were nervous, ver nervous. So when you stepped in and seen absolutely no women at the tables you panicked. But when you made eye contact with tom you almost shit yourself.
He eyed you from afar, wondering why you were here. Why are you putting yourself in danger.
As everyone talked you sat there bored until someone made a comment about you. “Why is she here? Shes a beaut” he snickers, others laughing to.
Your dad stood “talk about my daughter again and i will kill you, understood?” He snapped, shrinking the man down to size. “Honey get out of here” he smiled at you and you stood, one of his friends pat coming with you outside.
“Why did you come here?” He asked, offering a cigarette but you declined. “I just wanted to see what its like” “no dont lie to me dollface, i know you were eyeing that boy” you side eyed him before groaning “is it obvious!” He laughed and took out his lighter.
“Very” “i dont like him” “well he likes you” he took a puff and put the lighter back in his front pocket. “How can you tell” you leaned up against the wall and crossed your arms. “He was only looking at you” he smiled, you smacked your lips. “You have em wrapped on your finger, you should take advantage of that”
“Well i dont wanna hurt people like you!” You whisper yelled. “Its business baby, has been for years” he shrugged. “Well maybe i can change it” “eh, it’s possible” he shrugged “but it aint easy”
You both heard the door get pushed open aggressively and turned around, seeing tom walking up to you. “Woah woah woah, slow your roll” pat said, stepping infront of you. “Can i just talk to her- give me like 20 minutes” “why should i do that” pat dropped the cigarette and stepped on it.
“Because i want to talk to her- if i dont make it back it twenty minutes i swear ill give you everything i have” “i dont want anything, y/n do you wanna go” pat looked back at you. You harshly swallowed before nodding your head, pat stepped aside and tom smiled, pulling your hand and tugging you to run with him.
“Baby” he said out of breath, both of you ran to the trunk of his car. “Y-yes tommy?” “I got you a gift” “what is it!” You perked up and he giggled “something youll never forget” he pulled out his key and opened the trunk, a large gift box with a pink bow on it. “Do you love me y/n?” He asked, looking at you.
“Yeah...i really do” you smiled and bit your lip nodding. “Open it” he muttered, you nervously took the bow out, slowly opening the top of the box “tommy i dont know...” “dont be scared! Open it!!” He edged you on.
Suddenly it started to sprinkle, soon turning into some heavy rain. “Y/n hurry up before you get a cold!” He said sternly and you did, a gasp left your lips as you raised the coat. “You bought it for me” you whispered and he nodded, he took the coat to put it on you, when you were finished your pressed your lips on his roughly, his hands hooking behind your knees to lift you up and put yout legs around his hips.
“I. Love. You. So. Much” you said between kisses. “I know princess, just know id kill for you if i had to” “i would too tommy, i would too” he smiled and pressed his forehead against yours, the rain coming down making your hair frizzy but he could care less, he loved you. “I wish we could be like this forever” you whispered against his lips before kissing him again. “We can baby, I promise” “how tommy?” You rubbed your nose against his “running away” “tommy i cant, you know this-“ “but arent you tired doll, it would just be me and you” he muttered, pinching your legs some.
You bit your lip before pressing a kiss on his lips. “Okay” “really?!” He smiled “yeah yeah lets go!” He carefully dropped you and slammed the trunk closed, he unlocked the car and you both hopped in, on the road you both go.
“I dont have any clothes!” “I can buy you everything you want and more princess, dont worry. Andddd letters. You always write your father some letters pretty girl” he smiled at you.
“Love you” “love you too”
#tom holland x reader#tom holland#tom holland fanfic#tom holland x black!reader#tom holland imagine#tom holland fluff#tom holland blurb#mob!tom holland x reader#mob!tom
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Analysis Pro NH Anti NS
Naruto Manga Part 2
Part 8
Naruto is seen returning to the village after his talk with Nagato. Naruto is exhausted and was about to fall over, but Kakashi catches him (let’s all appreciate that the first thing he did after coming back to life was to go look for his student). He pressed his cheeks and wrapped his arms around Kakashi. Also Kakashi is making a reference to when he carried Naruto on his back after their battle on the Valley of the End.
Naruto returns to the village and the first thing he sees is all the villagers cheering for him. He has become a hero and saviour of the village and everyone acknowledges him as a hero. Naruto had achieved his dream of wanting everyone to acknowledge him (There’s a deeper meaning to why he even wants everyone to acknowledge him in the first place and it has to do with his past).
Naruto is very suprised, he is not used to being treated this way by everyone after all. Notice how us as viewers are more happy than Naruto himself (not that he isn’t happy of course) I’ll get more into why when we come to the Dark Naruto part.
*Sakura rant* Why is the first thing Sakura does after Naruto saved her village is to punch him in the fucking head?! Jesus Christ it’s like Kishi WANTS her to be hated. Look at Naruto’s face in the bottom right picture, it’s like he thinks ”What the hell have i done now?!”. Sakura then hugs him because she’s grateful that Naruto saved the village (way to show you’re gratefulness earlier you lousy bitch).*Sakura rant over*
Notice how Hinata smiles here. She doesn’t feel threatened at all by their supposed ”romantic relationship” but she rather sees them as a brother and sister type relationship (like most people). Actually their relationship is almost like Harry and Hermione. Both scolding and caring for each other as good FRIENDS. Also notice how Naruto didn’t hug her back after a physically, mentally and emotionally draining battle while he pressed his cheeks and put his arms tightly around Kakashi. Why is this? Well maybe it’s because they aren’t so close after all.
Naruto doesn’t notice when Sakura is sad over her master’s near verge of death. He knows how it feels like to lose his master but he cant notice her feelings of inadequancy and her sadness? He couldn’t notice when she was depressed over her inferiority complex when drafting for the Chunnin Exams either (to much in his own fantasy world of being acknowledged and beating Sasuke lol) he only noticed when it concerned Sasuke. Imaging only noticing when someones depressed because of another person you’re both obssesed over.
When Hinata was sad he comforted her by saying she saved him more than twice and that she was strong. He also noticed her sadness through her eyes.
Notice how when Tazuna asked if there was a love triangle going on, Naruto happily denied it (confirming that there never really was anything serious going on and also that he didn’t have any ”romantic feelings” at all at this point, since he seemed so carefree about it) Naruto was maturing and just acting like a good friend here and Sakura was thankful for that. (They were honestly acting just fine here so why did Sakura decide to make that fake confession later? She underestimates Naruto).
Naruto now reveals he knows what revenge truly feels like. After his fight with Pain he now understands why Sasuke was so obssesed with revenge. Why is this? Maybe because witnessing Hinata getting stabbed triggered the worst emotions he’d ever felt and he almost transformed into the Nine Tailed Demon Fox because he hated Pain and wanted revenge on him. Tell me how Hinata didn’t contribute to the main story when she was a reason why Naruto could understand Sasuke in the first place.
A topic that must be touched upon now unfortunately is:
Why didn’t Naruto talk to Hinata after the Pain arc? Well in universe, we have to consider that Naruto has never in his life experienced real romantic love before. It’s something that’s completly foreign to him. Sometimes when affection is directed towards yourself, it is hard to realise what it really means. Mentally abused people like Naruto is no exception, someone that never experienced parental love, how are we supposed to expect that he would understand romantic love aswell? Something that is way more complex than that too.
Also let’s be real here considering what i’ve just said how would Naruto be able to recognize what Hinata really meant when he was pinned downed by rods, about to be taken and his greatest enemy being right in front of him in a destroyed Konoha crater. It all probably happend in a blink of an eye and before he knew it he was already transformed into the six-tails. The tension was really high and Naruto was already in emotional turmoil and despair, there were simply too much happening at the same time for him to comprehend it all.
Later everyone acknowledged him as a Hero and suddenly everyone was paying him attention and he became very busy aswell. Pressing matters in the shinobi world were happening immediatly after his return, like Sasuke being ordered to be disposed of. Other responsibilities were being placed on him so in context he really didn’t have time to think about what her confession really meant and what it made him feel, he not only didn’t have any help from others to understand it but other things were happening so quickly too.
Also the reason Kishi didn’t show Naruto thanking Hinata was because Kishimoto felt awkward about writing romance. He’d rather wait till later and make it more indirect than write actual lovey dovey stuff, and i dont blame him completely. Its a fighting manga after all, and not a romance (altough i wouldn’t say he’s bad with romance as he understands the context) He probably didn’t plan to explain when or how they got together at this point in time, he was just gonna do it, as that was what he always wanted since part 1. Had Naruto accepted her feelings right there and then it would have moved away from the main topic of the story, which is saving Sasuke.
His actions later in chapter 559, 615 and 677 makes his answer to her confession an indirect YES. He was already in love with Hinata subconsiously. You might believe that it happend after this arc but it was actually implied in Naruto’s theme song from The Last. ”He now understood the meaning of that warmth” and ”her overflowing kindness”. Judging by this Naruto could have loved her as early as chapter 77 when he told her from the direct translation: ”Thank you, you’re far too kind Hinata!”. It was probably because of her kindness but also the origin of how Hinata fell for Naruto was out of admiration and respect, the same reasons Naruto started feeling something for her too in the Chunnin Exams.
Sai falsely states that Naruto is going this far to save Sasuke because of unrequited feelings for Sakura and because of that promise (that he admits he didn’t know anything about, also when Sai asked Naruto about how he felt about her he said ”how can i? Cant even keep my promises.” Seems to me that he was more depressed over not getting Sasuke back and the only reason he haven’t given up on Sakura completly is because he wants to keep his word because that’s his ninja way. He actually let his ”crush” go after that hospital hug where he saw Sasuke’s tender face and accepted that Sakura loved Sasuke. He realised subconsiously that what he was feeling before was a pointless childish crush.)
Sai accuses Sakura of causing Naruto alot of pain too because of that promise, and that’s true. Promise of a life time more like Burden of a life time. Anyways Sakura cries because of guilt and decides that the only way to make Naruto stop chasing after Sasuke is to falsely confess to him like the narcissistic *nice lady* that she is. Next time i’ll be going over the fake confession. Here’s the other parts if you wanna check them out.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
Part 7 Part 9
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how about billy and steve aren’t able to quarantine together they are at their respective homes. but no neil please he’s dead none of him billy live with his mom and the boys are struggling but they’re trying
so, basically, Billy’s mom took her with him when she left Neil.
-
pwetty boi 🥺👉👈: should we just break up?
The text made Billy’s heart stop.
He knew Steve was being weird on the phone when they talked. Whenever Steve was quiet, it meant bad.
I mean, do you WANT to?
pwetty boi 🥺👉👈: like, no, but would it be easier? do YOU want to?
Of COURSE I don’t want to.
Billy sighed, tossing his phone onto the counter, scrubbing his hands down his face.
“What’s going on, Starfish?” He looked up at his mom with one eye.
“Steve’s being insecure.” She raised an eyebrow. “I just talked to him and now he’s texting me and asking if I want to break up.” They had met in college, both joined the LGBT+ club at Chapman University, ended up working at one of the coffee shops on campus together. They had been together for just about a year, spent almost all their time together.
And then global pandemic forced Steve outta the dorms and back to Indiana while Billy packed up and headed down to his mom’s place in San Diego.
“Why do you think he’s thinking that?”
“Steve’s clingy. He likes being around people, and being touched, like just straight cuddled, and his parents are real shitty, and pretty much ignore the fact that he exists, and me not being around to like, help him out is probably really fucking with him.”
She twisted one of his curls around her finger.
“Would his parents let him come here? He could stay with us.”
“I asked him when all this shit first went down, but they’re like, really freaking out about everything and want him home. It’s the first time they’ve been home for longer six days since Steve was fourteen.” Her jaw dropped.
“Oh my God. Poor Stevie. How could a parent just, just treat their child like that?” Billy licked her hand, made her laugh loudly. He checked his phone, finding a bunch of new texts from Steve.
pwetty boi 🥺👉👈: i’m sorry. i just feel like a chore.
pwetty boi 🥺👉👈: like, i think itd be easier for you
pwetty boi 🥺👉👈: if you dont have to deal with me
pwetty boi 🥺👉👈: im sorry im bothering you
Billy sighed.
“I should probably call him. He’s spiraling pretty hard. Twenty bucks says he hasn’t taken his meds in like, a week.” His mom tried to stifle a laugh, flicking a dish towel at him. He grinned at her while he pressed the call button.
“Hi, Bill.”
“Stevie, take your fuckin’ meds.” Steve huffed into the phone. “You can’t hide from me, Pretty Boy. I know how you get.”
“But I mean, think about it. You wouldn’t have to, to call and check in on me, you could just like, live your life. Date. If you wanted to.”
“We’re in a global pandemic. I’m not gonna go out and date, even if I fuckin’ wanted to break up with you.” He put his face down on the counter. “Now I’m gonna stay right here until you take your fucking meds.”
He could hear Steve stomping around on the line, slamming things around.
“Okay, I fucking took them.”
“Good. Now listen. I love you. I don’t want to break up with you. Even being halfway across the country from you, I’m so fucking happy. And it kills me that I can’t be with you right now, that I can’t hold you and help you, but I’m still here for you.”
“I’m sorry, Bill.” Steve sniffed. “I just, I hate it here. My parents are, are just all up in my shit, and my mom hasn’t let me leave the fucking neighborhood, and I, I’m so stressed out about school, and that I’m bringing you down and I feel like a fucking burden to everyone in my life and I, I” Steve broke down into sobs.
Billy’s heart fucking shattered.
All he wanted was to climb into a shitty dorm bed with Steve, hold him nice and close until he stopped feeling like shit about himself, until he understood that Billy fucking loves him.
“I’m sorry, Honey. I’m sorry I can’t help you. I wish I could do more. I love you. You are not a burden to me. I just, I wanna fucking climb through this phone and drag you home with me.”
“Maybe, maybe I could talk to my mom about, about visiting.” Billy held the phone out to his mom, putting Steve on speaker.
“Mom, tell Steve he can move in with us until it’s safe again.” She laughed lightly, taking the phone.
“Hi, Pumpkin. You are more than welcome here with us. Billy’s has been gardening up a storm. We’ve been giving away tomatoes to all the neighbors.” Steve laughed, it still sounded kinda wet.
“That sounds like heaven, ma’am.” She smiled warmly at Billy.
“Have Starfish send you my phone number, I can speak with your parents if you like. We’ve been very safe here. I’ve been sewing masks and giving them to all our friends as well.”
“I mean, I’ve been so miserable here, maybe, they might let me. I think my dad wouldn’t mind not having to deal with me anymore.” His mom pursed her lips at that. “I asked him for help with one of my classes, because apparently I forgot that he sucks, and he just told me I was an idiot for like, twenty minutes.”
She threw her rag down, her mouth all scrunched up.
“Baby, get the fuck out of that house. Come out here and hang out with me and my mom. We’ll help you with your work and won’t call you shitty names the whole time.”
“I don’t know, I am really fucking stup-”
“If you finish that fucking sentence, I swear to God, Steve.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Have your mom call my mom to set up our play date. We can have you quarantine in the guest room for a while after traveling.”
“Okay. Thank you, Bill.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
-
Billy was driving slowly through the pick up line.
They had a whole plan of attack. Steve had put on a pair of latex gloves, and would put his bags in the trunk and then sit in the back seat.
Billy was gonna take him home, and he was gonna shower while Billy tossed his traveled in clothes in the laundry.
He saw Steve standing there, his big duffel bag slumped next to his large suitcase.
He was in a mask, but waved giddily at Billy in his mom’s car.
They executed the plan flawlessly, and before they knew it, they were making out in the guest room of Billy’s little house.
His mom knocked on the door.
Steve rolled off of him sheepishly.
“You can come in.”
“Are you sure?” Billy rolled his eyes.
“Yes, I’m sure, Mom.” She winked at him when she came in.
She hugged Steve tight, and Billy’s heart fucking soared as Steve melted into the hug.
“I’m so glad you could come out here. It’s wonderful to meet you.”
She smelled like fresh bread and lilies. Steve loved it.
“It’s nice to meet you as well, Mrs. Hargrove.”
“Oh please, call me Beth.” She pulled away from the hug. “Sweet Thing, come help me set the table. Let Steve get his bearings.” Steve was grinning.
“Billy calls me Sweet Thing.”
“Well, he comes from a long line of nicknamers, so you better get used to it, Sugar.” Billy kissed him on the cheek as he followed his mom out.
Steve still has no idea what Beth said to his mother to convince her to send Steve out to San Diego for the foreseeable future.
But somehow, she had made it work, and he wasn’t gonna be alone, or with cold parents that called him names, wasn’t gonna have to cry himself to sleep, not when he could sneak into Billy’s cozy little room.
He could garden with Billy, and Billy said he’d teach him how to skateboard, take him on bike rides around town.
They would cook, and Billy would help him finish the semester online, and the weather was warm and-
And Billy loved him.
Loved him so much he convinced his parents to let him fly across the country to live with him.
Steve had never been loved like this before.
And he was gonna fucking cherish it.
#this was originally much sadder#but 🤷♀️#another one from way down the req list#steve harrington#billy hargrove#steve harrington x billy hargrove#billy hargrove x steve harrington#harringrove#harringrove fic#harringrove ficlet#harringrove drabble#yikes writes
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Honey its 12 AM time for your reaper headcanons :)
!!!TW: This one is gonna be about mental illness abuse (emotional and physical), alcohol and the reapers su!c!de/deaths, you've been warned!!!
Ok, you understand?
Good-
(Also, I'm not good with story telling , so I'm sorry if it doesnt make sense)
- All the reapers were depressed, obviously, however, I dont think all were suicidal. Some may have been an in the moment death instead of being the only path they could take after trying so hard for too long or it could have been accidental
- Eric died by train. His was a no thought/in the moment death. Eric's human life was moderately working - barely middle class, his family could afford food and housing, but he remained in poverty (britain, am I right, lads /j). When eric saved up enough money, he was able to move his family and himself back to Glasgow, which, in the long run, was a terrible idea. Eric's father worked so much that he often drank to forget or relax, which ran his family low on money, forcing Eric to work more, despite being young and in his late teens. His father began to get aggressive as the drinking continued and Eric almost worked himself to death on a nearby train line just to provide for them, and give them a home to stay in. His father grew more verbally and physically abusive, poking at Eric to see where it hurt Eric the most, all for his entertainment. It soon lead to using sharp or pointed weapons. Eric had lived in fear of his father, but he couldnt get away, because if he was gone, they would direct it onto his mother. Eric was a tough man as he got older, desensitized to whatever his father threw at him, but soon his mother was brought into it. His father practically held her hostage until Eric did what the man wanted. Soon, his father kicked him out, ordering him to find somewhere else and never return, and if he did, hed put his mother in danger. Eric had nothing. He barely worked minimum wage but it was enough to keep him alive by himself. It should have anyway. Eric made it to the trainljne on an empty day. It wasnt uncommon for workers to not show up, but it was just Eric fkr the moment. He was afraid, he hadn't thought this far. Despite his tall and strong appearance, he was frail and weak and barely held on by a strand. All it took was the close sound of an engine to make his last move.
- Alan died by overdosing on medicine. (All this will be explained in greater detail in the story I'm writing) When Alan was younger, his parents abandoned him on the side of the road, him being weak and ill, his parents didnt want something to burden them. They were middle-upperclass and didnt feel the need to waste their money on an ill child. They wanted a strong boy. Alan followed a pair of reapers on duty through the portal back to their realm, which was how he ended up in a box in front of William's doorstep. He managed to attend weston college once he was older, a few years younger that Vincent, but didnt manage to graduate due to heart palpitations that rendered him in constant pain and discomfort for long periods of time. Once bed ridden, despite all the help from his new friend, he still felt useless. Like a weight on someones back, a burden. He had harmed himself before, just to feel something that wasnt the pain in his chest. Once that didnt work, he continued to overthink with intrusive thoughts, thoughts that made him view himself as nothing but something to gawk at, to feel bad for. He didnt like the pity he was receiving. He could make anyone cheerful, so what was the point. He still had a full bottle of pills remaining.
- Ronald died by falling to his death. Ronald did well for himself. Graduated with a doctorate and earned enough money to take his family from working to middle class. He soon understood that not everyone could be trusted. His family began using him as a staple of their class, abusing their power against other people, and stole money. Ronald at first, struggled to understand why anyone would be doing this to him, but saw that his family were leeches and used Ronald for his status and wealth. He was but a mere object to them. Once he found out, he stopped lending the money, and it took a turn for the worst. He was publicly scandalized for things he didnt do and shamed for being 'attracted to the opposite gender' which Ronald never understood. Soon, it turned violent, if money was asked then refused face to face, weapons were carried so that ronald could take hits until he gave in. It didnt take long for ronald to make his decision. If he couldnt have anything, neither could those who hurt him for it. All he owned was donated or auctioned, as per his will, and charities were carefully selected for his money.
(I'm gonna leave this here cause I'm mega tired and wanna post some more cheerful headcanons :3)
#black butler#kuroshitsuji#alan humphries#eric slingby#Ronald knox#black butler ronald knox#black butler Alan#Black Butler Eric#1000 souls and the fallen shinigami#the most beautiful death in the world#black butler headcanons#shinigami headcanons
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okay so i watched the shanghai special last night
yall
are sabines parents dead because they just casually dropped that wang raised sabine
like they cant just DO that, they cant just REVEAL something like THAT and not FOLLOW IT UP. how can they do this to me lol
also stupid as hell that marinette never knew her moms chinese name is xia ping. i find this whole idea that she was very passionate about wanting marinette to know about her culture, but never actually teaching her about her culture very annoying because its easily fixable but they just dont wanna have scenes of marinette actually learning anything so they put the burden of not knowing on her character. its stupid.
and i loved fei as a character, she felt very solid, but i keep thinking this entire story could have revolved around marinette and her family but it was more about this new character. these specials so far have delivered well written NEW characters but it makes me sad for the characters they seem to have no interest in developing anymore.
but i really am tired of gabe and his whole ‘thing.’ what 15 year plan? What happened to his wife being the sole reason? it was simple and i understood that him and emely or however the fuck you spell her name were searching for miraculous for a reason still mysterious to us, something happened and she was put into a coma, and now he needs the ladybug and cat to make a wish to bring her back. That i understood, and i assumed the initial reasoning for searching for them was moot cuz his wife is still in a coma. did i miss something? did he want these new set of powers just to aid in capturing the ladybug and cat miraculous? but then he mentions this 15 year plan. for what. its stupid. they dont need him at the center of EVERY conflict.
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i did this on the spot because i just had an idea after reading a dj of them, im a sucker for bakudeku so please bear me.
baku deku oneshot
in which midoriya gets a 'fall in love' quirk
midoriya was shocked, like seriously, who wouldnt? when someone you ever met just now, confessed to you in the span of 2 seconds of eye meeting and in came another person that was just passing by suddenly had the audicity to grab midoriya's hand. he was very terrified and so he ran.
//
"wh-what? a quirk?" midoroya uttered in shock. "apparently so," recovery girl, who midoriya confronted about the weird things that were happening replied to him. "it definitely isnt a common quirk and probably almost seem none-existant to most people, anyhow, did you bump into some unusual people or did you interact with anyone this pass hour?" recovery girl asked wanting to know the source of this incident that he had. "no, not really- wait maybe there is," midoriya suddenly remembered about the hoodied man he bumped in when he was rushing to school this morning. it was strange because the man looked like he had killed someone by accident and after that the man was on his knees apologising to midoriya, but midoriya thought it was weird how he was apologising that hard for just bumping into him, he explained this to recover girl and she smiled saying maybe he accidently used his 'fall in love' quirk on midoriya.
" so what am i supposed to do?" midoriya said remembering how he was surrounded by people when he came to school just now. "its going to be fine as long as you dont make eye contact with anyone, so use this glasess to prevent anyone from locking with your eyes and also keep in mind that most times quirks only last for a significant time, im sure nothing is going to happen in the meantime" recovery girl retorted smiling warmly.
//
oh this is not fine at all, he didnt expect the only person he didnt want to meet(or maybe not) to suddenly ripped the glasess from its rightful place, startling the poor greenette, also getting the attention from their classmates. "kacchan no, dont look at me!" midoriya quickly covered his eyes from being seen by bakugou, the person that he didnt want to interact right now, because he didnt want kacchan to feel burdened by this stupid quirk and probably even embarrassed the blonde or so he thought. he didnt think this was going to happen when bakugou didnt act out of normal and even replied with a "what, you shitty nerd, i only asked why you were wearing such shitty looking glasess and not to mention, in class?" bakugou simply replied eyeing midoriya weirdly. midoriya slowly put his hands down and immediately asked "you dont feel anything? nothing at all?" "what? no? was i supposed to?" this had midoriya taken aback, was the quirk gone completely? and so he concluded. there was no need to worry now.
but ofcourse he was dead wrong, when todoroki suddenly caught his hands, looking into the green locks and said "mi-midoriya, i dont know whats happening, but you look so pretty today," cue the gasps from the others and a pair of rageful crimson red eyes.
wait, isnt this the effects of the quirk? but why? and so being the quick witted boy he was he quickly got the glasess back and wore it, to prevent the next incident from happening. the class was still in shock by todoroki's sudden confession. midoriya had to explain the situation and so he did from the hoodied man to why were todoroki acting like that.
"oh, so you just have to wear this until the quirk wears out, is it not?" iida said after understanding the situation. todoroki was also in shock still, he understood everything. midoriya was still curious on why bakugou didnt get effected by it. "can it be?" he thought to himself, heat rushed through his face as he finds himself blushing by the thought that he had the slightest chance but was immeadiately dismissed as the other was dead on hating the poor greenette.
//
all day, todoroki followed midoriya around like a lost puppy and honestly it was cute of todoroki but what can he do, he was under the influence of a 'fall in love' quirk, so midoriya just hanged out with him all day. it was at lunch that he had noticed the anger filled eyes that was shooting daggers at the poor todoroki, he also remembered how bakugou acted today, he was awfully more explosive than ever. midoriya would caught bakugou glaring at todoroki as if he was a predator lurking for its prey not to mention he almost blew up the school's cafeteria when todoroki was trying to share his lunch with midoriya. midoriya find it totally weird as bakugou wasnt really someone who would do things like this.
//
meanwhile, bakugou cant take it anymore, he has had enough of the weird heavy feeling in his stomach that was killing him everytime he saw those two together and when he had witness the oh so loving sight infront of him, he just blew up not caring about other people and went straight to class. seeing this, midoriya chased after him and told todoroki to wait for him.
"kacchan, wait, are you okay?" midoriya said catching up his breath and took his glasses off. " what do you want, deku? go on with your todoroki," bakugou said unamused. "and what makes you say that he is 'my' todoroki," midoriya retorted with a smug face. " nothing, for the fact that you were on him 24/7 " bakugou deadpanned now looking at midoriya. "but kacchan, it hasnt even been a day, but seriously though, why are you so weird, you didnt even react to the quirk like everyone else did," midoriya stated curiously. "shut it," bakugou rolled his eyes, turning back to continue on his way. "but kacchan, you almost blew up the whole cafeteria, you surely are not okay," midoriya said still persistent as always. "none of your business, now go away and leave me alone, or i would blow you up too," bakugou stated in a warning tone but midoriya being midoriya, he caught bakugou's wrist and forced bakugou to turn, still waiting for an answer. "wha-what ?" holy shit he's close, ah those freckles looks so kissable its really adorable i cant-
"tell me whats wrong," midoriya asked again with those cute puppy eyes of his, but bakugou still did not gave in although he was almost at his limit, still pulled his hands away turning around again.
midoriya was sure he saw a faint blush crept up onto bakugou's cheeks and he was taken aback. "kacchan? hey kacchan!" midoriya called and was now infront of bakugou blocking his way. "what? go away!" bakugou glared at the smaller one. "kacchan, why are you being like this?" midoriya stated seriously this time, eyeing bakugou dead in the eye. bakugou just stayed silent but midoriya was not one to give up easily.
"kaccha-" WAIT WHAT?! midoriya was beyond shocked when bakugou suddenly pulled midoriya and connected their lips, midoriya's thought was everywhere or rather he had a few broken fuse by now. it was a sweet passionate kiss and when they parted, midoriya was stoic, standing still while looking into bakugou's eyes. "there, is that enough of an answer?" bakugou quickly went pass midoriya and straight to class. midoriya who was still frozen in his spot was soon interrupted by ochako and iida who were on their way to class. "hey deku-kun, are you okay, why are you red, do you have a fever?" "if you have a fever please go to the infirmary" they both said. "oh it's nothing, is todoroki with you guys?" deku said changing the topic. "no he was still at the cafeteria, wait midoriya did the love quirk thingy ended, because i dont feel anything now looking into your eyes" iida said and midoriya was also surprised by it. "oh yeah i guess it is gone now, and by the way i got to go to todoroki, see ya guys!"
after he got to todoroki, he was sure that the effects of the quirk had worn off and todoroki was being his usual self now and he even apologised to midoriya about his behaviour.
//
midoriya got to their class alongside todoroki, and immediately turned red when he saw bakugou and to worsen the situation, bakugou locked their eyes together resulting in a very flustered deku who then broke it and went to his seat. he hid his face and muttered stuffs under his breath but got caught off when bakugou suddenly spoke loud for the two of them to hear still looking infront "im not saying it twice, so wanna be my boyfriend?" he was acting tough but his body betrayed him, he was shaking uncontrobally and his face was nothing but red. midoriya can see the redness on bakugou's ears and had thought that it was cute. after some time that felt like hours to bakugou but in reality it was only seconds passed, midoriya replied with a faint "yes ofcourse" followed by him hiding his also flushed face with his arms.
//
"um so, wanna go to the dorms together?" bakugou suddenly said after packing up his stuffs, turning to midoriya. oh fuck why is he so cute, with that blushing face of his. "s-sure" midoriya stuttered from all the nervousness. so they went out together, hand in hand. they were silent, but the atmosphere is a comfortable one. midoriya suddenly gasped with his hand to his mouth saying "thats why the quirk didnt work isnt it?" bakugou was caught off guard, embarassed by himself. midoriya was actually beyond happy, he was over the moon, he had always thought that bakugou hated his guts so this was extremely surprising and also he was having fun teasing bakugou's new side that he just found out about. " hey kacchan" midoriya called out and bakugou looked at him. "i like you," midoriya said with a sweet smile.
BOOM! bakugou exploded, he was very flustered by the sudden confession, his face was bright red, his mind went blank and he couldnt control his quirk. "damn you nerd!" he screamed to a laughing midoriya who find his now boyfriend very cute. after laughing for a bit, he connected their hands again, tugging at a very red pomenerian to continue their way to the dorms.
that was an experience that both of them will cherish forever.
hmm i think i wanna do a bkdk headcanon after this or maybe not?
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Bnha 277; The boy who is being Left Behind
Lets talk about chapter 277.
War arc vs Gentle Arc;
First, THIS
Source; https://twitter.com/CDCubed/status/1279821074373283841
Most people pointed that they looked like Allmight and Afo but i think that scene is clearly is more like Gentle vs Deku fight.
Deku vs Shigaraki is really looks like Deku vs Gentle but difference is Deku is the one who is up, like he is kinda in villain pose or like he is the one who is trying to supress him.
Remember that Gentle is also Deku’s foil just like Shigaraki. In spor festival arc, Deku fight it to protect Eri’s smile and other people’s hard work while now Deku is fighting with another Eri.
After their fight, Gentle was redeemed and they both realized that they are kinda similar too. (Which in Izuku and Tenko’s case, their similarities are more, their origins are literally same.)
Also Deku realized that how Gentle’s existence is a light for someone else so maybe in the future, he might realize that Shigaraki’s existence is light for some people too (league).
Gentle was saved (a villain who was saved by a hero) and after the fight, he wished that Deku’s feelings can reach out to others.
(Like since their pose is very similar,and clearly meant to be parallels, maybe, those scenes might be hints for the the future encounters between Deku and Shigaraki.)
Shigaraki’s smile & Dehumanization by Proheroes;
First, it started with Miruko who enjoy by killing noumus, dead people who were kidnapped and tortured. She called Shigaraki as thing.
Aizawa who is ready kill the cat that Shirakumo/Kurogiri wished to save.
Then, there is another hero who call Shigaraki as monster, only because of this smile.
He doesnt smile to mock heroes, he smiles cause it hurts.
Shigaraki always give this reaction to pain. Smilling is how he express his pain.
He laughed when he was tortured cause he can not handle the pain of that surgery.
He smiled when the thinks he is about to die cause he was scared.
He also smiled when he remembered his origin, his worst trauma.
And Shigaraki’s smile is how he express his pain. This is also norrmal reaction for real life trauma,abuse victims.
Source; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-trauma-s-wounds/201509/why-clients-smile-when-talking-about-trauma-part-1
Also i already mentioned before how Shigaraki’s sitution is similar to Pop’s sitution from Bnha. So this is not the first time that Endeavour tried to kill a victim who should have saved.
And also Shouto is not here, yeah but Endeavour would want him to be here. Probably reason is he still wants him to carry his legacy. Notice; unlike Gran Torino or Aizawa, he didnt even say them to “stay away from Shigaraki”. Bringing children to war, fighting with them is not a big deal for Endeavour cause he is used to raising a child soldiers.
This guy is hero who supposed to save people. He is also Nana’s friend, also someone who knows a lot of things about him. He is the one who decided to neglected Nana’s son. So its also his responsibility but insteda of facing his mistakes, he didnt just dehumanize him but also he blamed Shigaraki for everything.
Let me remind you. It’s not Shigaraki’s fault for being Nana’s grandson, borning with a decay quirk, being ignored by society, being kidnapped by Afo..etc. Shigaraki’s all life is out of his control and not only he suffer more and more but he is also blamed for existing.
“Your existence brigns pain”, well, tell this to League, to people like Twice. To them, meeting with Shigaraki, league is the only blessing thing in their life.
(Even kids are blind. Tokoyami is blinded by hero society, he thinks what Hwaks did is right, thats probably why the chapter name is “Dark cloud”. Deku who wanted to save everyone fights with another Eri.)
Rejecting Nana and Afo;
Most people are happy to see that Shigaraki rejects them but unfortunately, despite rejecting them, Shigaraki also cant let them go at the same time.
Shigaraki ‘s biggest desire is freedom, a little agency but he is someone who always carry the burden of his past. Despite destroying them, he keeps remembering them againd and again.
Even after he destroyed them (because they rejected Shimura Tenko), he still take the hand besides him.
Shigaraki cant reject his family cause he cant get rid of this guilty feeling that he he had to be punished for what he did so he has to remember. So Shigaraki destroy his memories but then, he will come back to them cause he believes he had to be punished, he cant just continue his life after what he had done.
Then, we see that Afo is trying to take Shigaraki’s will, full control of him but this is too much even for him.
Look how he feels gratefull the person who ruined his entire life. Shigaraki is fighting for little agency, for his will, for the power he gained (remember how Shigaraki had to endure those full of hell-horrible surgery for this power).
Despite rejecting Afo, he is saying “i wanna be greater than you” like Shigaraki doesnt want to be Afo, yeah but he is trying to be his successor, he is still carrying his legacy anyway cause to him, he owed this to him.
Look at how he is still going after One for all, despite saying that its his own will. Shigaraki is not the one who wants One for all. Its Afo. Shigaraki is living his life for the sake of Afo. He still does what Afo wanted him to do.
(His face is not happy smile face, he is smilling cause he is afraid of loosing his will.)
Afo goes far to take Shigaraki’s only agency and Shigaraki still doesnt reject him completely. He doesnt even see this as betrayal, like this is normal to him. His only reaction is “No, this is too much.” like you already took a lot but no more. Shigaraki wont reject Afo completely. he will come back to him eventually cause thats how he used to.
Shigaraki was abused his all life and he is trapped with cycle of abuse, he will eventually return to his abuser’s hands. Despite rejecting and trying to escape from them, he will come back to them.
Shigaraki cant get out of this prison by himself but its impossible for him in those conditions. Shigaraki’s biggest desire is being treated as person but he cant see himself as person cause he was never treated as person.
(This is also i believe that will chage later when one hero saves im and league, the people who saved by Shigaraki tell him that he is not a thing, his existence is not destruction, that meeting with him is a miracle for them.)
Shigaraki was dehumanized by Afo and Ujiko.
He was dehumanized by random people he never met before.
He was dehumanized by heroes who should have saved people. He is abandoned by everyone.
Overhaul Arc vs War arc;
This was mentioned by a lot of people how this arc is opposite of overhaul arc. Since this was mentioned, i wont mention about it a lot. Just a summary;
- Heroes came to save Eri in overhaul arc, heroes came to kill Shigaraki in war arc.
- Heroes/teachers are worried about sudents in ovrehaul arc, heroes /teachers are bringig students to the war and focusing on revenge/destruction in war arc.
- Overhaul experemented on human, Eri and heroes defeated him by saving Eri and her power. Ujiko expremineted on many people, heroes killed all the victims of science and they also tried to kill Shigaraki. They didnt even really Ujiko and they didnt dehumanize him the way they did with Shigaraki, despite Shigaraki is the one who is victim here.
- Overhaul’s arc’s victim is Eri, This arc’s Eri is Shigaraki. Heroes won that arc with saving Eri, heroes are loosing in this arc cause they dehumanized Shigaraki. (Narrative punishment for heroes cause they didnt act like heroes).
- Extra; In overhaul arc, Nighteye was killed by a villain and Uraraka understood the meaning of the life, this became her own motivation to save people, just like Deku. In war arc, Twice was killed by a hero and Toga understood the meaning of life, this became her own motivation to destroy hero society, just like Shigaraki.
Conclusion;
I think meaning of this arc is to show that how far heroes can go, how they are not different from what they fought, like the true face or lets say dark side of heroes, hero society. How much they are blinded by system and dont realize what they did is horrible but also how they saved people depends on to their situtions. Saving Eri and destroying another Eri, only because one of them cant cry like another. since Shigaraki cant cry and cant ask for help, i wonder how they will see his pain.
Cause in this chapter, he showed his pain, he was distracted by Afo, pretty much was fighting for his own will, he was literally cried (yeah its crying, remember how his smile is no differen tthan his crying, its obvious that he was suffering) but heroes, all of them, even Deku ignored it.
So since this is the story of how Deku became the greatest hero and there is a clear set up for to fix the flaws of society, i think something will happen to change their perspectives. But it has to be something different like that they will feel so regret that what they have done, especially what they have done to Shigaraki. Since they are heroes.
(I might edit a little things later but for now, thats it. This became random cause i wrote analysis before but i accidently deleted it :’/ so i had to write different version of it again. Well, i hope i didnt forget to write anything. )
#bnha analysis#bnha 277#shigaraki tomura#shimura tenko#midoriya izuku#parallels#eri#gentle#endeavour#aizawa#gran torino#war arc#overhaul#deku#mha meta
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Two Hot Chocolates, A Brownie and A Norse God of Mischief
TITLE: Two Hot Chocolates, A Brownie and a Norse God Of Mischief
CHAPTER NUMBER: One-shot
AUTHOR: Inspired-snowflace
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: imagine that you are really interested in MARVEL and you and your friend are always like quoting the movies and so one day ur in a cafe and u say a Loki quote and then someone behind u finishes the quote ur saying and it sounds hella like Loki so u turn around to be like whoa great impression but when you turn around it’s actually Loki and he’s like nice impression and ur like dead and just fangirling and Loki is just loving being adored so much and so u two end up hanging out and fall in love
NOTES/WARNINGS: I haven’t written anything in the past 3 months. So this is my attempt to get back to writing. I am sorry if it isn’t good, but I tried real hard. I am sorry it I disappointed the original imagine writer due to not putting the same ending. (And not to mention half of it iust got deleted by itself)
"When you said you were opening Wakanda to the world, this is not what I imagined."
“Well, what did you imagine?”
“The Olympics, a starbucks maybe?”
That was it. That was all your crazy friend had to say to lead to this moment. You had shifted to a new place and this was the first time your friend was visiting you. You took her to the nearby Starbucks, because Olympics wasn’t really your cup of tea. As you entered the store, the only noise was the small bell on the door. Well, that you and your friend were here, not anymore.
“I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose" Your friend screamed, testimony to the statement that you both quoted the movies so much that you wont notice even if you came face to face with the real avengers.
You looked inside to see a couple sitting and a man with his back turned to you. Hm.. Didn’t look like the kind of people who would call an ambulance on you guys to take you to the mental hospital.
You liked this branch because it was cosier as compared to the others, with a very few people. The shop had mahogany furniture which mingled beautifully with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and hints of vanilla. You went to place the order while your friend picked a seat.
“Is that your friend?” The barista asked you sceptically. He didn’t think you mad and you attributed that painful fact to the inability to scream quotes when you were alone.
“Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard and he is my brother.”
He stared at you blankly. Ahhh... not a fan. Probable candidate of calling the ambulance.
“I would like two hot chocolates, a brownie and a Norse God of Mischief please.” You placed your order.
“Hot chocolates- 2, Brownie-1 and... what was your last request?”
“Never mind.. you guys don’t have it on the menu” You wish you knew how wrong you were at the moment.
“That will be 12.50.”
You paid and waited for your order. When it arrived, you picked it daintily and turned around. You saw her sitting ahead of the man. Yet, she took matters in her own hands.
“Cap, On your left.” She turned and waved as if there were a hundred occupied tables instead of just three. She was sitting on the table ahead of the man, which were the only two tables on the left. She had purposely chosen that table. Cheeky girl!! A+ for the effort.
Placing the order down you sat opposite to her your back to the man. Immediately, she picked the cup with your name on it.
“He spelt your name wrong!!! He had one job!! Just the one!!”
Well, you had corrected the man the last time you were here. But people spelt it wrong so often that you stopped correcting them. It wasn’t exactly new for you.
“If it’s all the same to you, I will have that drink now.”
You friend turned to look at the barista and scream some Tony, or better yet, Falcon quote. Instead she turned back without screaming and said, “Oh God!! He is cute!!”
Trust your friend to fall in love with someone who is minutes away from calling the ambulance on you guys.
“There is only one God ma’am, and I am pretty sure he does not dress like that.”
“Loki.” You both said at once, laughing and high-fiving.
“I swear he exists only to raise my expectations in men. Normal men- yeah! They will never be God.” You added.
“Your world on the balance and you bargain for one man?”
“Any day... If you are talking about Loki, that is.”
There was a few minutes of silence where you both savoured your hot chocolates and the brownie. You hear footsteps and saw the couple leave.
“I wanted to tell you something..” Your friend said, interrupting the peace.
“I was having 12 percent of the moment.” You added closely after, “I am listening.”
“I understood that reference.” She said pointing out like Steve.
She continued, “Since you have given the breakfast treat, allow me to take you lunch. There is a Shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but I want to try it.”
“Why do you wanna take me to lunch? Tell me!!” You whisper screamed.
“Its really not that complicated. I got red on my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out.”
The next dialogue was more malicious, but cursed be you if you allowed a chance to say Loki’s dialogue slip. So you steeled yourself and began, “Can you?”
“Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire? Barton told me everything.” Came a voice from behind you, nailing the dialogue, the British accent and the snark down to a T. You literally froze, a chill went down your spine as you understood the dread that must have sparked in Agent Romanoff. However, it died as soon as the dialogue ended. Not for your friend though, she sat with her jaw hanging as if she had just seen a ghost.
“Umm.. wow man!! That was flawless. You nailed it down perfectly.” Under normal circumstances, you would have quoted the movies but all flew out of your head when he spoke.
Your voice seemed to snap your friend out of the daze she was stuck in. Her eyes widened and she pointed the space behind you. She tried to speak but no words came out. Her eyes were unblinking as if she feared that a blink will turn it into a dream.
“Cap, to your left” She finally said, but you figured her words from reading her lips rather than what she said, for her voice was completely inaudible.
You turned around.
No. No way.
Sitting there was a man, with a chiselled marble face, framed by night black hair, his bluish-green eyes seemed so deep that you could not look away. It seemed like the sea had engulfed you with its beauty. But your focus was stolen by the smile. Despite the mean comment, the smile was hopeful, was genuine.
You had argued with you friend that the first thing you would do if you ever saw Loki would be to scream, jump up and down no matter the situation. But even as you tried to say his name, your voice got stuck with the various emotions having a party in your throat. This time your friend snapped you out of the temporary muteness by whisper screaming.
“This is madness!!”
“Is it?” His eyes softened as he looked at you, “Is it?”
“OhMyGodLokiThisIsUnbelievableIAmAHugeFan!!” You squealed in an incoherent language.
“Darling, I am pretty sure even allspeak cant translate that.” He said with a laugh.
“Oh my gosh!!! Can we get a hug?” Finally, all the quotes flew out of your friend’s mind.
He had such an innocent smile on his face that it seemed impossible that this guy had tried to attack New York. He stood up and green light shimmered around him, changing his coat into the costume from the avengers. He held his arms open calling you both for a hug.
You were quicker to respond. “Mmmm.. Brother, you look ravishing.” And proceeded to throw your arms around him and bear hugged with as much love as your body could muster, making sure to convey the love and make your tumblr friends proud. Behind you, your friend had completely lost her mind at the change of outfit.
“Dont faint. Don’t faint. Don’t faint....” She repeated like a mantra while pressing her fingers into her temples as if that would keep her alive.
“Does she do this often?” Loki asked you amused at the effect he had on your friend.
“Only when she meets incredibly hot Gods of Mischief in their armour.” You said with a smirk.
You nervously glanced at the counter because it was about time for the ambulance to be called. He was busy cleaning the counter, leaving you guys to your own shenanigans. Phew!! No ambulance.
Then you noticed the mischievous glint in Loki's eyes with the words, “Just a bit of illusion magic dear.”
Meanwhile, you saw that your friend was crushing Loki in a bear hug so tightly that you doubted he was able to breathe but he didn’t say anything, happy for the love and attention he was getting.
“Now, now, darling, even if I am a God, an occasional breath of oxygen would be nice.” Your friend loosened ever so slightly, taking his words ‘occasional breath of oxygen’ too literally.
“Hey!! Get off him!! Get yourself your own Loki. He is my God of Mischief!!” You pouted and started playfully hitting your friend, urging her to stop hugging him so that you could be in his embrace again. After all, how many people are luck enough to hug their fictional crush.
Loki threw his head back and laughed and opened his arm, “Well, I can definitely handle two mortals crushing me.” You threw yourself into his open waiting arm after poking your friend a bit so that you could squish your cheek against his armour.
“I must say; it was easier to breathe with Thor's hammer on my chest. You mortals are pretty strong.”
“You have an army.” Your friend’s muffled voice came and then added, “And we will most certainly kneel.” Loki laughed at that though his cheeks were sprinkled pink.
“How about my beautiful ladies stop crushing me like a bilgesnipe its prey, and then perhaps we talk and exchange, what do they call it, phone numbers?”
“Deal!!” You promptly screamed. Your friend promptly fainted.
“I am honoured?” He questioned, winking at you.
“Oh don’t worry about her”, you dismissed. “She wouldn’t want to miss your phone number.” You said while facing your friend.
“Of course I will not!!” your friend said while keeping her fainted pretence. “Haven’t you seen enough movies to know that this is the cliché where he falls in love with me?”
You all laughed.
#Loki#Others#Imagine#submission#Two Hot Chocolates A Brownie and A Norse God of Mischief#inspired-snowflace#Submitted one shot
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its 1.30 am i kinda miss u
disclaimer: there’s gonna be a lot of grammatical errors or whatever, i’m just writing this as i’m having one of my mental breakdowns. if u know me and ure reading this, dont worry im gonna be alright !! and if u dont,, hey stranger i hope u pray for my happiness and healing :)
- shit okay, i guess ill start by saying i miss u. i miss the way u would send me to sleep at night, the way ull beam at the sound of my voice on the other side of the line, the way ud be head over heels over me, the way ud react to the stories i tell u, the way u keep up with me talking about books when its way past our bedtime. i miss it all, ur warmth, the way u used to hold me close, the feeling of my hands inside urs, ur scent, ur smile and everything about u. its been hard for me, so hard. i can’t get past even scrolling through old pictures, how am i ever gonna build the strength to delete them? sometimes my memory willl just rewind the times u held me close, the times when ull end each and every of ur sentence with I LOVE YOU, yes with enthusiasm and all. and whenever my mind does that, i get dragged into this pit full of darkness. reminds me of tartarus; and just like tartarus no one ever survives from it- so i dont. i struggle to fight each day, counting days since u left me to hold my own hands and to stand by my own. i think what hurts me the most is when i remember the promises we made to each other. god the lump in my throat is swelling right now, i wish ud feel it too.
remember how u promised me forever, how everytime i wake up from a bad dream ull be there, telling me it’s alright and telling me that no matter what happens, ure gonna stick by my side NO MATTER WHAT!! remember how for now was our anthem and 17?? remember our promise to not give up on each other? remember all of that? i guess u dont remember all of that since it seemed so easy when u let me go. no heaviness, no regrets. u were just determined to get rid of me.
i wish u knew how hard u broke me that night. all our dreams, crushed. hopes, shattered. there was no light. yet there were more promises. “ sayang, i just want you to know that at the end of the day. i’ll find u” words i held on for days not knowing if u actually mean it. dont know how much thats worth to u now. another bullcrap?? not surprised!! promises are meant to be broken right?? u said ull come back then a few weeks later “dont hope for much”. shit fucking hurts dude. and how u just forgot i existed, just like that. like how can u not miss it at all. were u just pretending all this while? was it all for show, was it superficial?
THE AMOUNT OF QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR YOU.. dont even get me started. when did u fall out of love? what was i lacking? was it me? was i suddenly not worth anything anymore? was it easy for u? do u think about me often? do u find it hard to sleep? how often do u cry to sleep? do u even grieve over me? do u wake up in the middle of the night crying over the same voice and face visiting? because i did. i lay awake, wondering where was my fault and flaw in what we had. was i too hard to love? am i just not worthy enough? did i ask for much? AM I NOT FUCKING WORTH IT??? where do is stand in ur ife? why didnt i love u harder? if only i understood u better. if only i didn’t want to call u ever night. if only i didnt love u too much. so many ifs. these were what was spiralling inside me for weeks. still is if ure wondering though i doubt u do. u dont give a shit.
do u wanna know about my nightmares, the bad dreams i woke up to about u? the voices in my head? how i break down in the middle of nowhere as my head replays the exact words u said when u dumped me?? how i wake up crying from the same dream about u leaving?? i hate that i let u in so deep. i hate that i keep reminiscing all our better days when u clearly left me alone when i needed u the most. i hate that i let u break me this bad. i hate that despite all that i have said, despite all the rage and hate, i hate that i understand. i understand how hard this is all to u. i understand how bad ud feel knowing u break someone this bad. i hate that despite everythig uve done, i still cant unsee the good in ur heart. i hate that despite ur absence i still cant find ways to unlove u.
i pray to god everyday to heal me, to fix each and every of my broken parts inside me.
i also pray to god for ur contentment and happiness, for the burdens u carry to feel lighter without me around. i also pray that He eases ur journey in whatever ure going through. i pray that He’ll take care of u now that i am not allowed to do that anymore. and i hope He granted all of it. i hope He hears me. especially because i want u to feel better, i know how dark it must’ve been for u. i never thought it would come to this. we were so happy. no red flags whatsoever.
of course i also hope ure suffering. i hope guilt drains ur life out of u everyday. i hope it hurts u as much as it hurts me. in spite of everything, of course i also wish u well.
i don’t know if there will ever be days when i can unfeel ur absence again, when the sudden pain doesnt come anymore. i dont know if im ever gonna be okay but heres to everything ive been keeping inside of me. now out at last.
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