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moonlightkitkat · 5 years ago

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Chapter 2: Trust

On her second day of school, Marinette is surprised to find that Alya is not at all happy with her placement in the back. (To all you Alyanette readers, i hope you like this chapter <3

The next day, the two returned to their seats in the back, and Lila had made no fuss about the new seating arrangement. In fact, when the brunette came to school the day after, her smile had been all too wide, and she practically skipped into her seat next to Alya.

It was Alya that didn’t approve of her change of seats. When she came to class, at first she didn't notice Marinette, just smiling at Lila and sitting down. When Ms. Bustier called attendance though, her head had snapped to the back, eyes wide as she realized that Marinette was in class. A frown covered the reporters face, and she glanced at Lila before turning around, her pen tapping her paper all day as she waited impatiently for lunch.

When lunch came, Alya was quick to yank Marinette out of the room and into the hallway. “Girl'' Why are you with Felix? You don’t have to sit by him you know.”

Frowning, Marinette nodded her head. “I know. I wanted to sit next to him.”

She gasped at that, her eyes widening a little. “You wanted to sit next to him? But hes… hes so mean! He bullied Lila!”

She sighed heavily, crossing her arms and leaning on one leg, tilting her head to the side as she looked at her friend. “Alya, he's not like that. He’s really nice, and have you actually seen him do anyt-

“Oh don't tell me that that's what this is about,” Alya groaned, rubbing her temple. “Marinette, i know you don't like Lila, but that doesn't mean you have to hang out with the only other person who doesn't like her. Really i don't know why you two don't get along, Lila is great!”

They’d had this conversation many times, and she was tired of having to argue with why she didn't like Lila. why did she have to have a reason to not like someone? Alya didn't like Chloe, and she certainly hadn't loved Sabrina, even though Sabrina wasn’t really all that bad. Why was it that she wasn't allowed to not like this one person?

Thankfully, she didn't have to answer. Felix walked out of the class,holding Marinette’s backpack to her. “You forgot this.”

Her eyes widened, not having realized that she'd left it behind when Alya dragged her out. “Thanks Felix!” She quickly took it from it, pulling it over her shoulder.

“It’s no problem really. Are you ready to head to lunch? Or..?”

“Nope! I’m ready! I’ll see you in science Alya!” Offering a small smile and a wave, she hurried over to the cafeteria with Felix, holding onto his sleeve a little.

As they walked down the stairs, he turned his head to look at her, a hint of worry showing in the raise of his brow. “Are you alright?”

Nodding her head, she sighed softly, her shoulders sagging. “Yeah… just.. Sad that she keeps trying to get me to be friends with Lila. Why can’t she just accept that I don't want to hang out with her? It really shouldn't be a big deal.”

They walked inside the cafeteria, grabbing a lunch tray and getting in line. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I’m afraid you’d know better than I. After all, I don’t know Cesaire as well as you do.”

That was true. He really had only been here for a few days, and already the odds were against him. She didn’t blame him for not knowing, and she offered him an apologetic smile.

“Anyways, it seems that your voice is back.”

Looking up in surprise, her smile lit up. “Yeah! My Maman gave me this tea that soothed my throat, and I passed out as soon as I got home from school. Nearly scared her to death when I woke up at dawn and came downstairs for breakfast.”

Chuckling softly, he moved and got a salad and a sandwich. She reached out and got a sandwich and some crackers. Once they sat down, she pulled out a thermos and poured its contents into a bowl, sighing happily at the smell of hot soup. “First croissants, now soup,” he teased.

Blushing, Marinette quickly put the thermos away, quickly deciding not to pull out the box of cup noodles and the second thermos that had plain hot water in it. “My mom wanted to make sure I had something my stomach could hold,” she quietly explained, dipping her cracker into it and taking a bite.

Nodding in understanding, he took a bite of his sandwich, wrinkling his nose at the taste. “Remind me to make my own lunch tomorrow,” he said after he swallowed. Smiling, Marinette looked up at him, offering to share her soup.

“Marinette, you’re sick, you really shouldn’t share your food with me,” he chuckled, receiving an adorable pout.

“I still have some in my thermos,” she grumbled, sipping at her soup.

He smiled softly at the gesture, but still shook his head. “You should keep it in case you want some later. I can suffer through a gross sandwich. Besides, I still have my sandwich,” he pointed out.

She reluctantly agreed, and she left him in peace as she ate her soup, no doubt trying to save her voice for later. He didn’t mind the quiet though, pulling out his book from his bag and reading it while he ate.

Even though she’d been forced into the back during Mme Bustier’s class, she was able to keep her seat for Me Mendeleiev’s class. Lila sat next to Nathaniel, and Felix had been placed by Ivan, sitting right behind Marinette. Admittedly, she was sad that they weren’t sitting together, but she was happy that she got to sit with Alya all the same.

Thankfully Alya hadn’t bothered her about sitting next to Felix, and they made plans to head to her house for the afternoon. Alya wanted to show her some new information of an idea for the Ladyblog, and wanted her opinion on it before she posted it. Thankfully, she didn’t ask if Lila could come too, and Marinette had been all too happy to agree.

Much to the class’s relief, there was no homework for science, and they all quickly left the classroom, eager to leave school as fast as possible. They stopped by Alya’s locker so she could grab her notebook, but to Alya’s horror, it was missing.

“Where is it?!” She asked in a panicked tone, quickly searching the locker for the spotted notebook.

“Alya? Are you looking for this?” Marinette’s face fell, and she sighed softly, withholding a groan. Turning around, she saw Lila, holding the notebook they were looking for.

“Yes! Thanks Lila, you’re a lifesaver.” She quickly took the notebook, hugging it to her chest before putting it safely in her bag. “Where did you find it?”

“You left it on your desk back in Mme Bustier’s class. I meant to give it to you at lunch, but I forgot. You know how my ADD is,” she sighed sadly, looking down and rubbing her arm.

“You’re all good girl, no worries. I’m just glad you found it, I really needed it.”

A curious gleam in her eyes, Lila looked up at Alya. “Really? What for?”

“Oh just a theory for the Ladyblog,” she shrugged.

“The Ladyblog?” she asked excitedly, quick to grab onto this piece of information. “What’s it about?”

To Marinette’s surprise, Alya seemed a little uncomfortable, and she scratched the back of her neck. “Oh, well.. I was gonna show Marinette it and get her opinion on it before i shared it with anyone else..”

Sparing a glance at Marinette, Lila frowned, looking back up at her with a pout. “Oh of course.. I get that it’s something that you could only tell your best friend. I get it.. I’ll just go leave you two besties be then.” Sniffling, she turned to leave, only for Alya to sigh and reach out to grab her shoulder.

“Wait Lila that's not what I meant.. It’s just, Marinette’s been there for me since i first started the Ladyblog.”

“If you want, you could show me and i could tell you whether or not it's right! Ladybug has told me all about how her power and how it works. Did you know she can fly?”

Alya’s eyes lit up for a moment, but then she frowned. “No she cant.”

Turning back around, Lila nodded her head eagerly. “She can actually! She just doesn't do it because it takes too much energy.”

“Flying takes more energy than running on rooftops?” Marinette asked, not impressed at all by her claims, for obvious reasons.

“Oh Marinette, I don't expect you to believe me,” she said sadly, sighing softly. “You never seem to believe me.. I could say that the ocean is blue and you still wouldn’t believe me.”

“Technically the ocean isn't blue,” a voice sounded from behind Lila. Marinette smiled as she met Felix’s grey eyes, but Alya huffed. “The ocean only reflects the blue color of the sky. It’s only blue because of that reason, otherwise it's clear.”

Lila stammered at his claim, quickly shrinking away from him.

“Are you stalking Lila you creep?” Alya hissed, pushing Lila behind her.

Rolling his eyes, Felix walked over to a locker and unlocked it. “Of course not Cesaire. I’m simply coming to my locker, which is right here. Is that a crime?”

“No, but like I’ll believe that,” she grumbled.

“It doesn’t matter what you believe, it’s the truth.” Grabbing something from the locker, he carefully placed it in his bag. Turning back to them, he raised an eyebrow, “Are you three just going to stare at me? And you call me a creep..” Seeing Marinette’s pout, he quickly added “not you Marinette. You aren’t a creep.”

Chuckling, she smiled at that, and waved as he locked his locker and left. “Ready to go Alya?”

Nodding, Alya slowly relaxed. “See you Lila,” before Lila could say anything, Alya and Marinette left the room.

It was a quiet walk to the house, and it wasn’t until they got up to Marinette’s room that Alya finally sighed and relaxed. “What is his problem?” she whined, flopping against Marinette’s chaise.

Marinette popped a cough drop in her mouth, shrugging. “What did you want to show me?”

Quickly sitting up, Alya pulled out her notebook, quickly flipping through the pages. A frown covered her face, and she gasped in horror. “It’s gone!” She wailed, flipping back and forth in despair.

“What’s gone?” Marinette frowned, hurrying over to sit next to her, only to see that several pages were carefully torn out of the book.

“My research!”

“Did you make a copy of it somewhere?”

Nodding her head miserably, she pulled out her phone. “I did.. But it isn't finished.” She showed Marinette the phone, and she scrolled through the document. It was a draft on the Ladyblog, just waiting to be sent.

To her horror, it was information on the Miraculous. On how it worked, on Kwami’s, and on how the two were connected. This was all the things she’d heard Alya talk to Trix about, and what Rena Rouge had asked Ladybug about. She’d refused to answer, but it seemed that the Kwami hadn’t minded to share.

“Alya.. What are Kwami’s?” she asked, pretending to be confused.

“Oh! They’re these adorable little creatures that look like animals. I think that they match whatever animal the superheroes are based after! So Ladybug would have a Ladybug Kwami, Chat Noir a cat Kwami, etc etc.”

“Where did you get the idea of Kwami’s from?” she asked carefully.

This made Alya pause, as if just realizing how suspicious all of this sounded. No one other than the superheroes knew about Kwamis, everyone except for Alya, of course.

“Well…” she frowned, chewing her lip. She looked so conflicted, and Marinette decided to just go ahead and ask.

“Alya? Are you one of the Miraculous Holders? Are you Rena Rouge?”

Alya looked horrified, then disappointed, and then.. Relieved. “How did you know?”

Shrugging, Marinette handed her back her phone, leaning back against the chaise. “You really don’t think that I'd recognize my best friend as a superhero? Besides, you always seem so happy after Rena appears in a battle. I figured that either you were her, or you were her biggest fan,” she teased, gently bumping her.

Laughing, Alya shook her head, smiling. “Nah, Ladybug holds my heart.”

“Uh oh, does Carapace have competition?”

“What do you mean?”

“Alya, you flirt with Carapace as Rena. Plus those goggles make a terrible mask,” she giggled.

Alya groaned, but chuckled. “I tried to convince him to change them, but he refuses. He says they're “Totally tubular!”

She squealed and wrinkled her nose. “Oh god that's terrible!” she laughed.

“Oh tell me about it. He keeps coming up with turtle puns! Did you know that he even asked Adrien to help him with it? Apparently Sunshine’s a punster.”

Adrien liked puns? What was it with the blonde’s in her life loving puns? Hopefully Felix didn’t like them. Catching her look of disgust, Alya snorted. “Hey, don’t judge my boyfriend. You make puns all the time.”

“Point taken, but that doesn’t mean I have to like other people’s cringy puns.”

“Touche.”

The two giggled a little at that, and sighed in amusement. They sat in comfortable silence for a while as Alya read over her theory again.

“Do you think I should post it?” she asked softly.

After a moment of thought, and a glance up at her bed where Tikki was hiding, she shook her head. “No. It’s a good post Alya, but no one should have that information except for the Miraculous holders. Besides, what if Hawkmoth or Mayura saw it? We don’t know if they have this information, and we can’t risk them knowing. Two super villains having all of this information definitely wouldn’t be good. What if someone figures out you're Rena Rouge if you post this? It just.. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Chewing on her lip, she watched as Alya took in all of the information. Would she listen to her? Or would she choose to post it anyways?

After several minutes of silence, Alya sighed, and pressed a few things on her phone before setting it down. “There. I deleted it.”

Marinette blinked in surprise, her shoulders sagging in relief, releasing tension she hadn't even known as there. “Wait really? You did?”

She nodded, removing her glasses and closing her eyes, leaning her head back against the chaise. “You were right. That information.. It should only belong to the superheroes.. Besides, I didn’t even think about Hawkmoth knowing anything about it.. Thanks Marinette, I’m glad I asked your opinion about it.”

Blushing a little, Marinette smiled, leaning her head against Alya’s shoulder. “I am too.. And thanks for trusting me.”

Wrapping an arm around Marinette’s shoulders, she pulled the smaller girl closer, sighing contently. “You know, I never realized now nice it would be to have someone know i was Rena Rouge. In comics and movies, people always have to hide their identities, and it's always so angsty and dramatic. I always wanted a secret that only I could have, it was a dream of mine actually.. But.. When Nino found out i was Rena, I realized how ice it was, being able to share that part of my life with someone. I’m glad you know too. Promise you won't tell anyone about Nino and I?”

Marinette nodded, holding her pinkie up, which Alya chuckled at and locked her pinkie with it. “I promise Alya. your secret is safe with me.”

“And if you get a Miraculous, promise to tell me?”

She paused at that, hesitating. She already had a miraculous, but on the rare chance that Chat chose her to have a miraculous, she figured she could tell Alya. “I promise.”

“Oh! Wanna hear another part of the theory i had? I'm not gonna post it of course, but it's really cool!” After Marinette nodded, she sat up eagerly, leaving her arm draped over her shoulders.

“So there's the seven main miraculous, the first ones we saw. Ladybug, Black Cat, Bee, Fox, Turtle, Butterfly, and Peacock right? Well after looking at the other miraculous holders that showed up, I realized that the new miraculous holders all had something in common! So there's the Horse, Snake, Dragon, and Monkey, right? Well all of them are a part of the Chinese Zodiac! I call this new group: The Zodiac Miraculous!”

Alya offered her a big wide grin, and Marinette stared at her in awe. She had put all of that together? And it was just a theory? If only she would fact check Lila.. the good this girl could do..

“That's incredible!” It wasn't even a lie, she was genuinely impressed. “So which zodiac do you think i would have?”

“Hmm.. Well, you're so jumpy, maybe the rabbit?” she teased, tickling Marinette’s sides. Shrieking, she quickly rolled off of the chaise, whining.

“Alyaaaa!”

Laughing, Alya shook her head in amusement, putting her glasses back on. “Just kidding. I think you’d do good with any of them. I just hope that Ladybug gives me a Miraculous when you get yours. Then we could work together!”

Marinette smiled at that, her heart warming. She wished she could tell her that she was Ladybug, and that this whole time they’d been working together… but there was too much of a risk. After Hawkmoth was defeated, then she’d tell her.

“I can’t wait for the day that happens. Until then, I’ll stay your number one fan.”

“You might have to fight Nino for that role,” Alya teased.

“Oh he's gonna down!” She laughed.

The two laughed at that, returning to a comfortable silence. Marinette picked herself off of the floor, moving to sit on her computer chair. Alya sprawled out on the chaise, relaxing and enjoying the afternoon free of homework.

“Hey Alya? Why didn’t you want to tell Lila about your theory?”

“Why?”

She shrugged, pulling her leg up and hugging her knee. “I dunno… I just thought that maybe you would want “Ladybug’s BFF” to know about it.”

“Well.. I did… but I’ve always shared my theories with you first.”

It was true. Ever since Alya got her number, she had eagerly spilled all of the details she found out about Ladybug to her. Whether it was a theory about who she was, or figuring out how many spots were on Ladybug’s suit-which she totally didn't transform afterwards so she could count for herself, and realize that she was right-, Alya always told her first. Not even Nino was the first, because Alya knew he only listened to humor her.

“Is that the whole reason?”

With a sigh, she shook her head, staring up at the ceiling.

“No… Lila keeps promising me an interview with Ladybug or Chat Noir. she keeps talking about how well she knows them, and.. At first I was so excited about it all. Ladybug’s best friend! But.. The interview never came… I was so upset, and I was ranting to my sister about it, and then she asked me about that one interview I got with Ladybug, and asked me how i got that. Then i realized.. My best friend, who I kept brushing off, was the one who sent me that impossible interview. I just.. I realized that I should really be putting my attention to.

“Don't get me wrong! I still love Lila and all, but after hearing about her disease.. It made me wonder what else she was lying about. This was the one that seemed the most fake, and I just chose to stop following that lead.”

Marinette was stunned. She never thought that her best friend would stop believing Lila, or at the very least, start questioning her claims.

“Really? So… Do you believe her about Felix?” she asked softly.

Alya’s expression turned cold, and she huffed. “I don't know what to believe about him. He’s a jerk to everyone in the class. But.. he is nice to you, so he can’t be all bad, right? I mean, you like him better than Lila, and she’s a sweetheart!” she laughed.

“Yup.. A sweetheart..” she muttered.

“Look.. I don't know what you see in that guy, but as long as he doesn’t hurt you.. I’ll tolerate him, okay?”

Perking up, Marinette leaned forward in her seat, swaying from side to side. “Really? You mean it?”

Chuckling at Marinette’s adorable expression, she nodded. “Yeah, I mean it. Adrien better hurry up before you get stolen by another blond though.”

“Chloe?” she frowned, wrinkling her nose.

“No girl!” she laughed, bending over and hugging her stomach at the thought. “That girl only loves three things: money, power, and Ladybug.”

“What about Adrien and her parents?”

“I guess I could add those to the list.”

“Wait but if it's not Chloe then who?” It couldn’t be Rose, she was into Juleka, and Mylene was into Ivan.. “Aurore?”

Sighing, Alya shook her head. “Girl you’re hopeless, you know that?”

“What? I am not!”

“Are too!”

“Alya just tell me!”

“No way, if you can’t figure it out then i'm not telling.”

“Alya!” she whined, moving to kneel beside the chaise. “Please tell me?”

Humming, Alya sat up and leaned forward until her face was inches from Marinette’s. “Nope,” she booped her nose.

Whining, Marinette flopped on the ground. “You're horrible!”

“Yeah but you love me.”

“.... Yeah i do.”

#not alone anymore #miraculous ladybug #felinette #felix #marinette dupain cheng #alya cesaire #lila rossi #alyanette #ml fic #miraculous fanfic

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pbandjesse · 4 years ago

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Today was a rainy, but pretty good, day. I slept a little better last night. Even if falling asleep hasnt been going well. I woke up in a good mood. James had put air in the tires and gas in the car. I gave him lots of hugs and headed out.

There are to many cars on the road. But it was fine. I had a good ride in. And honestly it was just a nice morning.

Some parts were quiet. It was rainy. I spent a lot of time today just enjoying my own company. When I first got there we were all sitting on the porch. I told them all about my powerpoint project and they thought I was very silly but excited that I was excited.

I had some free time and some energy this morning though. So I went and changed into my rain boots, which have finally broken and absolutely need to be replaced now, and went down to homestead. Heather had asked the specialty teachers to work on cleaning that since we had some time in the afternoon. But I had time then so off I went.

I listened to my podcast and I cleaned for about an hour and a half. It was kind of rainy and damp all day but it was hella gross down there. Everything was covered in mud. There was so much stuff just around. It was terrible. I started with picking up stuff off the ground. I didnt get the stuff under the picnic tables because honestly, it was to hard to bend that much. But I also had some of the campers help me collect all the containers and tubs down there so I could hose them off. Everything was going to go into storage and they couldnt go in covered in mud. But then everything was wet from the hose and I was very hot. Break time.

I went and sat at arts and crafts for a few minutes. Caught my breath. Enjoyed the hammock. Enjoyed the rain sounds. And then went down to the office to check in with Heather. She was super surprised that I had been cleaning down there alone. Acted all proud of me. And my stupid money brain was like "Praise???" so of course I went back later in the day and kept cleaning and wiping things off and putting things in totes. Cj is going to come back on thursday and help sort but in the mean time at least they would be able to get everything away from the muddy area.

Heather told me that after lunch I should go help with sandwiches. But I had time. So I went and finished setting up in art. Laid around. Had my lunch a little early.

And went to figure out making sandwiches. But that went all wrong because apparently there was a change of plans, but no one told me. I made like 20 sandwiches when Elizabeth came in and was like. The fridge broke and we arent allowed to use this food anymore. Even though it was in a cooler that was still cold. Which seems silly to me but food rules are important. I just feel bad that I wasted the bread. And another change of plans was that I was supposed to be running trading post again. But I had asked! A few times! And was told no, youre doing sandwiches. So I was all confused. And a little unsettled. Im still unsettled honestly. I hate doing things wrong. I hate being wasteful. Doesnt feel good.

But I headed up to trading post and it went just fine. It was healthy day and no one told me that so I had to get that stuff but everyone was quick to help me set it up.

It took a little longer today, I dont know why but we were having trouble getting the kids up and in line. But it was done and I went to art to wait for my group.

This group was tough. I knew that. Because they were the little ones and there were 13 of them. But it went well all things considered. We ran a little over time. And James, their counselor, was obviously stressed. But the kids were so excited that they made their little quilt square. But because of us running late I didnt get a picture. Ah well. It was still a lot of fun.

Half their kids wanted to use the bathroom and then there was an early pick up and then their program space changed and it was a whole ordeal. I was barefoot but I told James I would take half his group to their next program. So I threw on some shoes and walked them down to the office. Where James met us and took over.

I headed back to art and cleaned everything up. Took a small break. Okay a little bit longer. Wrapped in my blanket in my hammock. It was great.

Im a little sad thinking about it only because Maryland is moving into phase three and I dont know what my job situation is going to look like going forward. Its hard. Im scared all the time, but being out at camp at least feels safe. I dont think I will feel safe in another job yet. And like none of my museums are going to open for field trips. And so its like. Fall at camp was already tentative. It was already like. Unsure. But Alexi is hoping it will at least be some time every week. And Im trying to stay positive but its hard and Im scared about what the fall will bring with covid and with the cold. I am going to try to get into my art more. Try to actually sell things? Well see what happens I guess.

The rest of the afternoon was cleaning down at Homestead and then hanging out with the kids at the office until 5 when I headed out.

I drove to Hunt Valley and went to the Marshals I discovered there. I didnt realize that the shopping center had a back side. And I had excellent luck. I finally found a long sleeve black shirt. To replace my lost one. And I got some gum and a pretty makeup and a night time lotion. The cashier was very sweet. But I was starving and had to go find some dinner.

I ended up going to wawa and ate a hoagie in my car. Just living my best life. I had a long and strange drive home. I got a light on my car that I had never seen before. But I looked it up and it seems like its not a big deal. It only flashed at me two different times and didnt stay on so its probably okay but Ill keep an eye on it.

I got back here and was annoyed to find a cop in the alley. But Mr Will was also outside and it was nice to see him. He got one of those two screen phones, very fancy. He showed me how to look for jobs on facebook market place. Which I didnt need him to do but I enjoy him and his dad energy so I let him show me. He's great. I was also glad to see he was actually wearing a mask. I worry about him!!

I got in here and it was basically 7. I put stuff away and did the dishes. I got a piece of the cookies and cream cheese cake James made and played animal crossing. I cant believe its september but that brings changes to the island! New bugs and fish! I caught a soft shelled turtle! I played until 8 and then took a lovely long bath.

And now I am just hanging out. I am tired and hoping I fall asleep easier tonight. I hope you all have a great night and a wonderful tomorrow!

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emmanelsonwrites · 6 years ago

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new girl: season 1 ; sentence starters

❝ did you just make up a theme song for yourself? ❞

❝ it made no difference to me, i just wanted to set her trashcans on fire. ❞

❝ you think i’m sexy right? ❞

❝ it’s astronomy day and i’m dressing up as galileo so i have to put on my beard. ❞

❝ i thought pawnshops were about helping people and frankly i feel taken advantage of. ❞

❝ he looks like he juggles clubs on the beach. ❞

❝ suck it, mr. crabs. ❞

❝ the only way i could fit in this dress was by wearing little girls bicycle shorts underneath. ❞

❝ she used to get drunk and pass out on our porch it was like having a hot alcoholic cat. ❞

❝ i need you to put vodka in a water bottle and rendezvous with me in the bathroom. ❞

❝ it was weird when i was stuck in a freak sandwich between you and that eight year old. ❞

❝ i took my feelings out... with dance. ❞

❝ i know word and i can open a document. ❞

❝ locker rooms, swimming pools, penis fights, it just happens. ❞

❝ sorry officer, i cant help you, because, no, i haven’t seen his penis. ❞

❝ and then, boom, he’s buried in an unmarked grave. ❞

❝ c’mon i dance naked all the time! ❞

❝ a bear might fall on our trampoline. we don’t need to have it figured out right now. ❞

❝ who are you miss pajama? ❞

❝ i mean, he seemed like a really nice european dj with a face tattoo. ❞

❝ no i dont dance. im from the town in footloose. ❞

❝ okay, no matter how many emails you send, that is not a thing. ❞

❝ that’s a great idea. be the girl who replaces his dead nana. ❞

❝ you get all mean and you make that little turtle face. ❞

❝ anyone who tells you the future of gravy is nitrogen based is cooking with blinders on. ❞

❝ i’m sorry, are you singing about what we’re doing? ❞

❝ he’s weird about cooking. did you touch his whisk? ❞

❝ when i was on that elevator ride from hell, the coroner told me to stop crying like a little girl and i told him that was sexist. ❞

❝ this is just like a nightmare i had where you brought over teenagers with bells. ❞

❝ jingle bells is a trash song. played on a trash instrument. ❞

❝ the plastic soda bottle is right where its supposed to be. back in the wall hole. ❞

❝ two things women love: alternative percussion players and role models. ❞

❝ my bar mitzvah was an amazing event! the theme was sports jams! ❞

❝ i have fifteen minutes. teach me how to be good at sex. ❞

❝ apparently i’m hooking up with the right girls because they don’t choke me. ❞

❝ i don’t wanna get a haircut, it’s too intimate. ❞

❝ looking forward to years of therapy over dirty santa. ❞

❝ apparently my business isn’t as important as frankie muniz’s. ❞

❝ we’re bro-nemies. he’s my friemesis. ❞

❝ last month he went to a party called bros before hoes on the moon. the dress code was yacht flare. ❞

❝ i’ve got no girls on the horizon. in a hot way. ❞

❝ tanya has half a pot cookie so maybe she’ll share if you’re lucky. ❞

❝ when i work out, which isn’t often, i listen to huey lewis, it pumps me up. ❞

❝ i don’t think dinosaurs ever existed. i’ve seen the science and i don’t believe it. ❞

❝ i have these issue— these anger management issues. i go to all these class— they’re court ordered classes. for it. ❞

❝ can you please not tell anyone i did that? actually, i don’t care what people think. do you think i care too much what people think? ❞

❝ i’m good at being that guy you find yourself spending more and more time with before you meet your husband. ❞

❝ i’ve had to start carrying athletic shoes in my purse because i have to sprint from one sexual encounter to another. ❞

❝ i have come here to listen to you. should i have interrupted you to tell you that? probably not. ❞

❝ my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch! ❞

❝ when people talk about breakfast being the most important meal of the day i’m like... whaaaat? what about lunch? ❞

❝ and then i drove to mexico and i tried to enter a cock fight. as a person. ❞

❝ i wasn’t gonna tell you until after you got knocked up and were stuck with me. ❞

❝ i helped him get back together with his ex girlfriend, he made me video chat with his mom in hawaii, and then i went home. ❞

❝ is this one of those fortune telling cactuses? ❞

❝ what kind of crazy person destroys a child’s robot? ❞

❝ i feel great and i’m ready to rock but i really don’t wanna be alone. ❞

❝ my funeral is my time to shine! ❞

❝ this thing makes me emotionally nauseous. ❞

❝ are you sleeping in dress pants? ❞

❝ i’m gonna throw my phone into the fiery chasm where he keeps his poor people. ❞

❝ i wasn’t raised with money so when something broke we pretended it still worked. ❞

❝ i don’t know how to drive cars that work. ❞

❝ makes me wanna sit by the fire and talk about how annoying ghandi is. ❞

❝ she accidentally ate a cookie because she fell on it. ❞

❝ but i mean, can we just take a moment to celebrate me? ❞

❝ was it that stuck up bitch from last night with the fake hand? ❞

❝ i need you to teach me to be a douchebag. ❞

❝ now go away because i’m having cereal. ❞

❝ puns are creepy and they freak me out and you know that. ❞

❝ now i hate me as much as i’ve always hated you. ❞

❝ i don’t trust what cool means to you so just be normal. ❞

❝ those are my friends and that wasn’t even the first stabbing this month. ❞

❝ i was the bomb diggity as a baby. ❞

❝ i wanna rub my face on his face. ❞

❝ if you were a woman, or even dressed as a woman, we’d be unstoppable. ❞

❝ i might as well call you bridge to terabithia because you make children cry. ❞

❝ i got tomatoes and i’m betting on me. ❞

❝ don’t tap dance at dinner. ❞

❝ this the ass of a failure! ❞

❝ if you hurt her, i will let myself die and then i will haunt you. ❞

❝ i’m sorry i made you feel like monica lewinsky. ❞

❝ shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? no, a summer’s day is not a bitch. ❞

❝ for someone with a soulmate you sure did have sex with me. ❞

❝ i know fake karate. ❞

❝ i hope you like feminist rants cause that’s kinda my thing. ❞

❝ am i supposed to want to buy a missile? ❞

❝ i took my fair share of rubber bands so i don’t wanna hear about it. ❞

❝ there’s a corpse in your room? ❞

❝ i rode up in the elevator with that guy and something growled in that box. ❞

❝ the tow truck can’t come until tomorrow; aren’t you glad i stole all this beer? ❞

❝ you don’t do the roadrunner to a coyote! ❞

❝ you slept with me! that doesn’t say much about your taste in men. ❞

#meme #rp meme #sentence starters #writing prompts #starters #masterlist

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seyvetch · 3 years ago

Text

in response to this post by @kwarrtz: (amma not tag anyone but feel free to do this)

Last...

Beverage: kefir Phone call: my mom checking up on me Text message: sent jojo stuff saw in recommended feed on youtube Song you listened to: JoJo fan made openings to parts 7 Steel Ball Run - Holy steel and 8 JoJolion - Goodbye Morioh Time you cried: today, first when rewatching the ending of The good place then while reading the dialogue on the screen after I beat minecraft in survival for the first time

Have you ever...

Dated someone twice: yep Kissed someone and regretted it: didnt kiss anyone before 😢 Lost someone special: idk if what I am thinking of counts Been depressed: as long as I can remember! Been drunk and threw up: I dont drink and never got drunk in my life

Last year, have you...

Made a new friend: ye :) Fallen out of love: No Laughed until you cried: I think I did? Found out who your true friends are: I dont like the insinuation of this question Found out someone was talking about you: I dont think so

General

How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life?: I dont use fb since like at least 5 years ago and even then I only made fb acc to login to other stuff for convinience List 3 favorite colors: black, purple, red

Firsts

First surgery: I think removing my apendix was my first surgery First piercing: not yet First best friend: my neighbour on dacha, we are still good friends but college is consuming a lot of time lol First sport you joined: swimming First vacation: cant remember that. I think it was at dacha tho as almost every summer vacation from school First pair of trainers: Idk what this one is about

Right now

Eating: Ate a sandwich and a bannana right before writing this Drinking: kefir with the sandwich I’m about to: go to sleep

Your future

Want kids: ye Get married: I want to marry several people at once >:) Career: Programming most likely

Which is better

Lips or eyes: by looks eyes by touch lips Hugs or kisses: kisses. hugs are good too tho! Shorter or taller: shorter Id say tho tall people are 🤤 Older or younger: around my age is great Romantic or spontaneous: idk what this is about Nice stomach or nice arms: stomach ig its not a good either or tho Sensitive or loud: idk what this is about Hook-up or relationship: relationship Trouble maker or hesitant: idk what this is about

Have you ever...

Kissed a stranger: never kissed anyone yet Drank hard liquor: I dont drink Lost glasses/contacts: :/ (do sunglasses count??) Sex on first date: never went to dates :| nor had sex :( Broke someone’s heart: hopefully not cant recall that Been arrested: no Turned someone down: dont remember any situations like this rn Cried when someone died: yes

Do you believe in...

Yourself: yeah :) Miracles: kinda yeah Love at first sight: a bit? Heaven: I have phobia that hell exists. not good with my anxiety. idk about heaven like Im open to the idea Santa Claus: nah and for the record we have a different person in Russia - Grandfather frost (Дед Мороз) Kiss on the first date: imagine being able to go on dates with your partners bc you live in the same country :) wish I had that Angels: I believe in that less than in possibility that heaven exist

0 notes

blackbird-brewster · 7 years ago

Text

tagged by @frogyell (in January)

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: espresso

2. last phone call: Called Frankie last week to debrief about my Mother

3. last text message: “Found it. It fell behind my desk” from my partner’s mum

4. last song you listened to: Currently listening to “En Love” by Lizzo

5. time you cried: yesterday because my partner is so beautiful

6. dated someone twice? NOOOOPPPPEEE

7. kissed someone and regretted it? LMAO Men.

8. been cheated on? Yes

9. lost someone special? Too many to count

10. been depressed? Current Mood

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? When I used to drink, yes. All the time.

Fave Colors

12. Pink

13. Purple

14. Black

In the last year have you…

15. made new friends? yes! So many!

16. fallen out of love? Yes, thank fuck

17. laughed until you cried? Nearly every day

18. found out someone was talking about you? yuuuupppp

19. met someone who changed you? *eye emoji but in 72pt font*

20. found out who your friends are? Truly. So glad to get rid of people who were shitty and fake

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? Multiple

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? all of them? I only had 62 when i used it

23. do you have any pets? We have a black cat named Mist who is the perfect son

24. do you want to change your name? Nah, I chose this name 24 years ago and never looked back

25. what did you do for your last birthday? Celebrated with drinks at the pub

26. what time did you wake up today? 7 to get Doom Femme ready or work then back to sleep until 11.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? Playing Knittens in the dark while Doom Femme slept on my chest

28. what is something you cant wait for? The future of this relationship

30. what are you listening to right now? Kissin u - Miranda Cosgrove

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? Yeah probably??

32. something thats getting on your nerves? Not being able to work rn

33. most visited website: Metservice weather.... I’m old

34. hair color: Currently brunette with purple echos of shades past

35. long or short hair: Short forever!

36. do you have a crush on someone: Yeah, I guess she’s pretty great :P

37. what do you like about yourself: Everything! I’m funny and kind and understanding and queer AF and chronically ill and patient and i love my laugh and my smile and my general everythingness

38. want any piercings? Currently have tripled gauged lobes, an industrial, nose ring and lip ring. Would love more!

39. blood type: Delicious, I’m sure

40. nicknames: Pemily, Kit, Kitastrophe, Kittigan, Taurus Prince, Ocean Prince

41. relationship status: Tired and Old and domestically blessed

42. zodiac: Taurus Sun, Capricorn Moon, Taurus Rising (Triple Earth Boi)

43. pronouns: they/them, dat boi

44. fave tv shows: Criminal Minds, Leverage, MFMM, GBBO, Community, The X Files

45. tattoos: I think I have 33 now? No one knows for sure.

46. right or left handed: Ambidextrious

47. ever had surgery: 4 to date

48. Favorite Scar: I like the scar on my wrist from when I went Hannibal in the psych ward

49. Favorite sport: No thanks, I’m old and queer. Although I love Puppy Bowl.

50. Dream vacation: I wanna visit Melbs soon!!

51. Favorite shoes: My Wonder Woman Chuck Taylors

52. eating: Just ate a bombass sandwich

53. drinking: Water

54. im about to watch: Criminal Minds S13!!!!!

55. waiting for: My love to get home 56. want: TACO FUCKIN BELL

57. get married: NEVER AGAIN.

58. career: **Shurg emoji**

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: Hugs

60. lips or eyes: Eyes

61. shorter or taller: Either

62. older or younger: Older

63. arms or stomach: STUMMY!

64. hookup or relationship: Either

65. troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: Yee

67. drank hard liquor: What haven’t I drunk?

68. lost glasses: Not since I was like 7

69. turned someone down: Men.

70. sex on first date: Yep

71. broken someones heart: Unfortunately, yes

72. had your heart broken: Hahahahahahaha how many times?

73. been arrested: Yes

74. cried when someone died: Yes

75. fallen for a friend: Multiple times

do you believe in

76. yourself: Ain’t no one else gonna!

77. miracles: Not particularly

78. love at first sight: Nah

79. santa claus: Tim Allen is still alive I guess

80. kiss on a first date: Yes

81. angels: Not really

other

82. best friend’s name: Frankie, Kay and Wells

83. eye colour: Sparkling Brown

84. fave movie: Wonder Woman

85. fave actor: Paget Valerie Brewster Tagged: @living-on-melancholy-hill @spencyfrenchy @unitchiefwives @puddlejumper9 @no-to-status-quo @otahkoapisiakii

#tag you're it #long post #about me 2k18

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for-the-love-of-life-lads · 4 years ago

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Progress Report!

No weight today.

So, I followed a very similar diet to yesterday. I only ate my breakfast and my lunch (and I had chicken noodle soup for lunch which is only 180 calories). I had two bottles of water and two cups of coffee. I feel like my weight is going to be pretty good tomorrow!

I was actually really proud of myself today. You see, my mom always takes me shopping with her whenever she needs to go to the grocery store for anything she needs (eggs, creamer, etc..) but when we are there, she always wants to get a piece of cake because my dad isn’t there to berate us about what we can and cannot eat. I also think she uses cake and sweets as a coping skill for stress and for when she is feeling emotionally hurt by my dad. Usually, I will get a piece too because my dad stresses the fuck out of me too, but also because it sounds really good because I always crave sweet stuff, and my mom tends to try and peer pressure me into eating it as well because she feels bad eating cake in the parking lot by herself. But today, when my mom got a piece of cake because she was really stressed out I didn’t get anything. She was really trying to convince me to get one, but I told her that my stomach was in a lot of pain, but that she could totally get a piece and I wouldn’t judge her. I was really happy with this just because with my mom, I usually feel really guilty because she gets sad when I don’t get a piece. But I was able to stand my ground and supported her in the way that she needed me today which was just to be a sounding board and to talk to her while she had a piece. The truth was, I didn’t really want it, not because it didn’t sound good, but because I am finally making progress with my journey! I finally liked how I looked in a tank-top for the first time in my life, and I didn’t want to throw that all away for a piece of cake that I wouldn’t even fully appreciate the taste of. I also didn’t realize how much my parents try to peer pressure me into bad habits.

My dad? he constantly tries to make me eat things he wants because he doesn’t want to eat alone. He also tries to convince me to put aside my school work so that he has someone to talk to when he doesn’t want to do his work. He was also the one who encouraged me to take laxatives in the beginning for weight loss and that habit I haven’t even been able to quite. My mom? She needs food for comfort (that is probably why I use it as well) she always wants to take the day off, she doesn’t want to work hard until she absolutely has to, and will also try to convince me and my sister to take time off until we reach a time crunch.

I think that this is why I kinda became the bitch that I am. I have an alarm for every workout, every lesson, every meal, every zoom, every time I have to wake up, every time I need to get ready for bed, I have some timers that I don’t even know what they are for anymore. I never want to stay up past 10 PM (unless its just my sister and I) I’m the one who makes sure everyone is up on time, I’m the one that will work ahead a week’s worth of work before I can even allow myself a break. I yell at people and freak out when I cant follow my schedule, if anyone tries to suggest a break or to take time off I am cold and distant the rest of the day. I exhibit OCD tendencies (the schedule thing, but also I get really scared when I don’t check my phone alarms and turn my ringer on and off 5 times before I go to bed, I get scared that someone will steal my parent’s car if I don’t lock it 6 times, my breakfast is ruined if I don’t use a specific plate group or the right spoon, etc.). I think from my parents being kinda like teenagers my whole life and not having a consistency within their lives made me feel the need to be consistent in every aspect of my life. That’s why I try and be so constant with this journal thing and my abs workouts. Sure, I could take a break. But what if I let myself slide the next day too? What if I start eating unhealthy again? I am in soo much fear of not following a schedule that’s all I know how to do or want to do.

My parents have actually gotten mad at me for being a hard-ass. It especially drives my dad crazy because it means that I won’t just do whatever he says. When he wants to order pizza and I ask if I can have the left over piece of chicken in the fridge, I think it makes him mad that I can’t let go of my habits and loosen up. But I get mad because I think that if he had any kind of responsibility or accountability I could learn to loosen up. I need to be the bitch of our house because if I’m not? No one will be. Then my parents get mad over little things and will fight and someone will get hurt and I can’t let that happen. Then, when I feel like my dad might get angry (which might lead to violence or isolation until he feels like his done pouting) or I will make my mom feel guilty and alone (like she feels with my dad already) I give into the peer pressure. At least, I used to.

Now, I feel more like an adult and I am about to go to college. Starting myself out with healthy habits is much to important to me now for me to just give in anymore. Now, I am doing some things that help me mentally, as well as physically. This blog/ journal has helped a lot. It helps me get out the feelings and issues that I struggle with everyday, and help keep myself in check food and habits wise. I realized how bad my water intake is, and how bad my food intake is. Not to mention my constant use of laxatives to try and loose weight in an unhealthy way. I’m learning how to get a treat (like when I got my sandwich) and enjoy it without eating everything in the world on top of that, saying ‘fuck it’ to all my progress just because I ate a sandwich. I also think that this helps to give me a reason not to do that. If I feel like I am reporting what I do at the end of the day, then I feel like it helps me remember “hey, don’t everything or you’ll have to admit it to everyone on the internet and yourself as you type it out”. Obviously I shouldn’t only keep doing well because I feel like others wouldn’t approve, but I feel like if I can do that enough, then eventually it will just become a mentality like how I didn’t want the cake because I liked how I looked in my shirt on Saturday. Eventually, it will add up and I will be living a more healthy life style.

Does anyone else believe in subliminal stuff? I found these subliminal videos for weight loss where they are supposed to work just by listening to them. I honestly don’t know what to think, but I think that to a certain extent they help even if it is just the placebo effect at work you know? I feel like the mind is a powerful thing, and if they are just BS then I haven’t really lost anything just my listening to them. I usually listen to them while I’m calming down from my abs workout before bed, and while I write these posts. I used it one time, and I saw dramatic weight loss (I think like two or three pounds) but I also worked out hard that day. So, because I wasn’t able to isolate anything in specific, and I still wanted to continue to loosing weight I decided to keep it in my schedule. So now I just listen to these things and I hope that they help retrain my brain a little. If not, no harm no foul you know? I do little things like that. Like when I think of something where I want good luck, I cross my fingers until I stop thinking about that event. If I do think about that thing without crossing my fingers, then I’m pretty sure that it won’t happen and that I will have the worst luck. Its kinda like knocking on wood not to jinx something. Sometimes, I can get away with a quick crossing of the fingers if I squeeze extra hard on my fingers when doing it, like I’m forcing the luck out. The weird thing is, I’m not even that super stisious . I don’t believe in ghosts or curses or supernatural things like that. However, my brain is just like “you know I think your wright about this... but just in case!”. I used to do similar things like that when I was little, but now it’s gotten to a little bit of a crazy point with some things. Like I have woken up with my fingers asleep because I was worried about something I was thinking about before bed. I also don’t know which subluminal videos work, and which ones don’t and how many times I need to listen to them for results so I end up listening to almost an hour of them just to e safe because I’m pretty sure that they won’t work if I don’t.

Anyway, thanks for listening. sometimes it just feels good to talk about things I’ve never told or talked about with anyone and realizations that I have and can’t tell anyone. It’s like having a good friend I suppose. I’ve never had anyone that close to talk to, but it’s nice to feel like someone is listening even if they aren’t actually. I think that I’m going to have a really good weight tomorrow! Yay!

See you tomorrow! Have a great night!! :)

0 notes

lookatallthestuffihave · 5 years ago

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So I wanted to add to this from the point of view of someone who realised I was being fat phobic because I don't often see skinny people really admitting that to themselves or others. It's sort of a buildup of how I got there and how fat phobia exists in my family.

Growing up my mom was great and was very serious about no making the mistakes her parents did. The only social issue that I think she messed up on was the discussion around being fat. I remember her getting at home workout videos that were pretty intense and then eating nothing but a single apple and a small dinner the whole day (I know this because she was a kindergarten teacher at my school and I visited her often to play with the babies plus it wasn't a secret). Even when she was hungry.

My dad wasn't great about weight either. He started gaining weight around the time I was born. I can't remember a time when he wasn't warning my sister and me to not be like him, to eat little and be skinny (he didn't do this so much with my younger brothers but I can write a whole second post on that).

I didn't think this had any affect on us until we hit puberty. My sister went from being like this scrawny little girl to a very curvy teenager. (For the visual: I would compare it to like size 00 to a size 8 in pants I'm sorry guys women's clothing sizes are a nightmare think like old navy sizes cause that's what we bought most; and I think like a 34G in bra cup sizes?) Suddenly my mom started telling my sister how attractive and curvy she was (I assume seeing how similar my sister was to her in size and hoping to prevent her from having the same insecurities) and my dad stopped telling me to not eat so much but focused his efforts on my sister (again parents insecurities you know the deal).

My parents had kinda made it into a binary of: curvy is good cause too skinny is bad; skinny is good cause too fat is bad. And you can't really believe both. This whole time thinking I was the socially aware one. My dad's comments on weight made me uncomfortable, my mom's diets always felt wrong. I thought that was enough.

So here is where my intrinsic fatphobia realization came in. In my family we were me 20, my sister 18, my brother 13, and my youngest brother 5. The youngest brother (YB for short) is a little chubby. Who cares right?! He's not 5 anymore but he is still literally the cutest kid you will ever see and perfectly fine health wise. Except no, the doctor cared. I don't know exactly what happened at the doctor's appointment but my mom came home saying that the doctor gave her a slight reprimand for my brother's growing curve (think it's just height vs weight). And to my mom with her fear of being fat that must have felt like she was failing her kid.

So we started watching the quantity of food he ate. YB will not stop eating pizza until he literally physically can't. Its happened before and he'll barf it all up. So us crazy people felt justified. I wasn't living at home at this time but I was visiting for some break babysitting cause my parents were working and I knew we were watching what he ate. And that whole day all I fed him was a goddamn cream cheese sandwich and some broccoli. And then dinner came around and he wanted seconds but I said like the absolute piece of human garbage that I was that he had eaten a lot that day so my mom didn't give him seconds thinking he was just trying to shovel tasty things down. But he kept asking, the poor thing, he was just so hungry. Until finally mom asks me what he ate and I say a sandwich and simultaneously realize how absolutely monstrous I was being. She must have seen the look on my face cause she didn't say anything about me not being okay and just made sure he got more food.

There's a happy ending ish. Obviously I cant 180 my whole family's view on being fat but I think my mom and I both realized how internalized and toxic our fatphobia was. My brother eats as much as he wants now. The only rule is that anything unhealthy must be accompanied by a vegetable. After school now he usually gets a snack plate loaded with cheeses meats and veggies. He still eats pizza like he will never eat again after that meal (which is weird cause my family eats pizza often) so that's the only time my parents watch his portions. And he is still chubby and still handsome and still adorable and still healthy.

I still catch myself saying or thinking things that are fatphobic but I'm working on it. Fatphobia is a real thing. It's hurting people. It's dangerous. Let your kids eat. Let your kids be fat. Who cares as long as they're happy.

Hope this anecdote is appropriate let me know if not.

I work at a daycare with infants.

One of our baby girls is fat, in the 99th percentile for her age. She is super cute and sweet. Lately, she has been sick with various breathing issues, so she has been reluctant to take her bottles. Normally, she’ll take 4 ounces of formula at lunch and 8 ounces in the afternoon. Today, I was lucky to get to her take 5 all day.

There was a substitute covering a lunch break in my classroom today. We emphasized to her that we need to keep trying to get the baby to drink her bottle until she finished it. She said, “Why are you guys so worried about taking her bottle?”

My coworker replied, “That’s where all her nutrients are. She needs the nutrients and the water.”

To which the substitute replied, “But she’s so fat. She doesn’t need it.”

Thin privilege is a small, pretty baby getting better childcare because the caretaker doesn’t think she’s too fat to be allowed to eat.

#fatphobia #fatphobic #personal #health #fitness #family #intrinsic fatphobia #anecdote #fat #skinny #let you kids be fat

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disableddisaster · 8 years ago

Note

Do all of them ! Blease !!! I Stan u so hard I need the insider deets!!!!!

now THATS what i like to hear :))

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

asfgsfdg im only listening to after laughter rn

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

@gaysun but thats happening so idk. come to alberta tristan

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

theres not a single book in this room and im not leaving to go look for one

4: What do you think about most?

sfgafdgasfg idk myself, probably

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

”he drank ur orange juice the fuck” - you

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

just my underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent?

im gay

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are good boys are bad (noah fence i love u)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

yes actually :’)

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

man idk

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

FUCKIGN black BEETLES

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

i dont think so? kleenex?

13: What’s your religion?

man idk !!!!

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking to work or looking for dogs

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

in front im a vain bxtch

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

patd.............................................

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know i lied to my mom the other day but i told the truth five minutes later and i dont know what i lied abt

18: Do you believe in karma?

no lol

19: What does your URL mean?

bella swan is a big ass lesbian

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

dude i dont fucking KNOW who am i!!!!!!

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

kristen stewart.. . hayley williams..... shrugs

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no i dont want any BUGS crawlin around in there.there was an episode of greys anatomy when that happened

23: How do you vent your anger?

i yell to my mom tbh

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

MUGS

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting is so fun

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

NO LOL

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

sound i hate: paper towels

sound i love: rain i guess

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what IF I fail at life completely wow

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

YES AND YES

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right, my computer. left, my cup!

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

man idk AIR??????

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

high school

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

CANADIAN west coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

hmmmm bad question\

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

AUGHFGKDF not to be dramatic but there isnt one

36: Define Art.

dude i dont know. why is this so fake deep

37: Do you believe in luck?

NO !!!!!

38: What’s the weather like right now?

its dark out and im inside!!! i dont know!! i think its warm

39: What time is it?

12:25am :O

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes! and no

41: What was the last book you read?

eclipse..................sdfghsdghsdfgsfg

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

..............................who does......

43: Do you have any nicknames?

shy!!!!!!!!!!!

44: What was the last film you saw?

dgsfsdfg new moon!!!!!!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

i dont know!!!!!!!!! i injure myself a lot im clumsy

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no!!!!!!!!!!! let them be free.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

twilight, dragon quest 8, paramores new album,.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

TAKE A WILD FUCKign GUESS

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

YES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA it was awful

50: Do you believe in magic?

.......................no

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

YES LOL

52: What is your astrological sign?

im a libra :^)

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i cant fuckign save money for shit

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

a grande coconut cold brew coffee with extra coconut milk :O

55: Love or lust?

what dpes this mean.

56: In a relationship?

no!

57: How many relationships have you had?

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

fun fact i have a really really short tongue

59: Where were you yesterday?

went to the bank in the city and the MALL and ate a sandwich

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

no :(:(:(

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

SOCKS ARE GARBAGE

62: What’s your favourite animal?

CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and sheep and giraffes. mostly cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

fgkdfgosfkg u think i have a secret weapon???????? bxtch i dont even like me!!!!

64: Where is your best friend?

i texted her and asked her one sec. ok she replied “im in my bed!!!!!”

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@gaysun @gaysun @hurricance @hurricance @popcornlesbians :)

66: What is your heritage?

idk! im ukrainian and french

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

playing dragon quest and listening to @quidditchlesbian s wild stories

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

this is so werid asgafdgadsf

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

duh

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i mean probably. im kind of annoying tho

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

sfgadfgadsf save the dog im not HEARTLESS my job gives me no hours anyways lol

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) probably bc i overshare b) probably just pet my cats c) sort of?

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

TRUST

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

..................someBODY

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2980

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

trust and communication also i think attraction is important tbh

77: How can I win your heart?

be a cute girl and be nice to me. maybe have a cute animal or smth

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

MMMMMMMMMM ABLEISM

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

gay

80: What size shoes do you wear?

5? 6?

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

”gay bxtch”

82: What is your favourite word?

LESBIAN

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

i wish i was on my phone id add the yellow heart emoji

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

”wow id die for u”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

earlier i was listening to live in chicago

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

yellow adn PINK

87: What is your current desktop picture?

its a pic of bella swan

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

theoretically like donald trump but probably my abuser :)

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

bxtch u could ask me literally anything and id tell u. literally aything

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

go back to sleep. plot twist im actually just having a sleep paralysis episode

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

the vegetables are mushrooms and ALSO iwanna teleport or fly

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the other morning i had a really relaxing breakfast at tim hortons i just listened to music and ate my bagel. it was nice

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

JSDFKJSFG u think i can choose? ur FUNNY!!

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

oh,,.. .my fucign god. tjis is such a loaded question,. HAYLEY WILLIAMS

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

JENNA (or nyc but shes not there rn so probably just wherever she is!)

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

i think my bio dad was in jail once. maybe

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

no ew throwing up is a huge fear of mine

98: Ever been on a plane?

yep i love planes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

“im gay”

THANKS TRISTAN

#homonormality

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johnnyfizz89 · 8 years ago

Text

Viral Rain

By: Johnny W. Moody

December 21, 2014 12:07am

Hey dad, can we go outside and play for a bit before it rains? Sure but if you see any lightning or hear thunder I want you both back in this house, understood? We understand, we’re just going to go play in the backyard.

Cool look at that sky, we’re going to get a good storm today. Let’s play already before its starts to rain. The boys play tag for a few minutes until a blinding flash of light stops them. Moments later the boys hear a loud rumble of thunder that shakes the ground. The eldest of the two boys decides he’s had enough and heads towards the house. His brother however, continues to play as the rain starts to fall. His older brother try’s to get him to come inside with him but he fails. Dads going to be mad if you get all muddy. His little brother just stands there with his head tilted back and his mouth open towards the sky. Ok I’m going inside without you then. Just then his brother starts to cough. He asks his brother if he is ok but he continues to cough then falls to the ground.

The boy runs to his brother’s side and try’s to wake him but cant. He calls for help and his father comes running. What happened to your brother? We were playing tag and heard a loud rumble of thunder so I said we should go inside. He didn’t want to go in so he just stood there as the rain started. He was catching rain drops on his tongue then he started to cough. Then he just fell to the ground.

The father bends down to check his sons pulse but he’s unable to find one. He may have been struck by lightning. Listen to me son, I need you to go inside and call 911. Tell them to send an ambulance to this address and hurry. As the father walks back to his sons lifeless body he notices that it’s no longer there. The boy jumps onto his father’s back and takes a bite out of his neck dropping them both to the ground. Muddy water turns to red and splashes everywhere as the boy takes another bite. Then the boy gets up and runs off and moments later his father does the same.

The police arrive minutes later with the ambulance only to find a puddle of bloody where the father and sons bodies were just moment ago. The police rush into the house to question the eldest son about what happened and he explains. The police then ask him where the body is. He tells them it’s in the backyard with his father. There is no body in the backyard, only a puddle of blood where the body was. So you and your brother were outside playing tag and it started to rain, wait what puddle of blood? The one in the backyard where you said your brother was. He wasn’t bleeding he was struck by lightning. Focus, your little brother wanted to stay outside and while catching rain drops on his tongue he fell to the ground. That’s right, he started to cough then he just fell to the ground. Then you called for help and your father came and asked what happened. He then told you to go inside and call 911. We arrived here minutes later with an ambulance as requested only to find no body. Do you have neighbors you know that you can stay with incase your father returns? Yes, I know the neighbors across the street.

You don’t believe this kid do you? What do you me? I mean a kid calls 911 asking to bring an ambulance to his house only to find nobody that needs one once it gets there. I mean kids call 911 as a prank all the time but to request an ambulance is gutsy. Look, we found a puddle of blood in the boy’s backyard so we need to keep an eye on this. You’re right, let’s get back to the police station before we get soaked. When we get there keep quiet about this. What’s that? I don’t need scanner chats freaking out the civilians. There’s going to be enough problems with the storm tonight.

Two guys are outside eating on their lunch break. Aaron says, “Man why can’t we get a food court or something where we work”? “I mean we waste half our time finding a place to eat. Then we have to rush through eating so that we’re not late to getting back to work, it’s ridiculous”. No what’s ridiculous is how many times you said the word “to” in that sentence. Shit dude it’s starting to rain. They both stand up with their food and move to a nearby tree. You know what I used to do when I was younger and it would rain? Hold my food would you. What are you doing we have to get back to work. Aaron steps out onto the sidewalk and starts catching rain drops on his tongue. Your know that rain is being polluted by the poor air quality in this city right? Aaron smiles then he starts to cough then falls to the ground.

Roger calls 911 to report that his friend has collapsed. When he looks back he sees that Aaron’s body is no longer there. You know what forget I called looks like he was just pranking me. Sorry, have a nice day. You know 911 isn’t a joke man. That’s the third time this year you’ve made me call them. You know one of these days they’re just going to stop responding to all my calls.

Roger goes to take a bite of his sandwich and when he turns around; his friend takes a bite out of his throat and pushes him to the ground. Aaron takes another bite out of Roger then rips off his shirt and takes another bite out of his chest then gets up and runs off. Roger’s cell phone begins to ring. It’s their boss from work. Where are you two, your lunch breaks were over five minutes ago. That means you two are late again. Their boss starts to say “you two are fired” but Roger drops the cell phone and steps on it, then runs off as the rain washes the blood down the sidewalk.

Ring……ring……ring…… Hello this is Nate, whose calling? Nate this is Jeff at the zoo. The Tapir fence has a hole in it again and their running all over the place. I’ll be there in ten minutes man, just let me get dressed. Nate hangs his phone up then says “and wake up”.

Nate arrives at the zoo and when he opens the door to the Tapir Habitat, one try’s to run past him. He grabs it by the hind legs and redirects it back inside. Within minutes all the tapir’s are back inside the fence and Jeff says “thanks man you’re a life saver”. Do you need any help fixing the fence? No I’m fine now, I just needed them captured and put back in before the storm hits. You’ve been up all morning prepping the zoo for the storm haven’t you? Can you tell? Listen man, how about I come back in 20 minutes with lunch and something to drink, That sounds awesome man, can you make it pizza? Done, now fix that fence there’s a storm coming.

Jeff is working on the fence when he starts to hear rumbles of thunder in the distance. Then a bright bolt of lightning hits a nearby power line and the thunder is instant and loud. The sound spooks one of the tapirs and it rams its head against the fence causing Jeff to fall onto his back. It starts to rain and he says “perfect”. He stands up, dusts himself off and spits out blood. Fucking great that is. He stares at the tapirs and say’s “you’re lucky I like tapir’s”. Jeff starts to cough then falls to the ground. Shit I hope I didn’t break anything. Within a few minutes Jeff is dead and the virus takes over his body. He gets up and runs off into a different part of the zoo.

Nate gets back to the zoo about five minutes after the incident to find the hole still unfixed. Jeff are you taking a piss break, there’s still a hole in the fence. Jeff where are you man this pizza is getting cold and eaten. Nate walks through the zoo searching for his friend but can’t find him anywhere, so he heads back to the Tapir Habitat. There you are man I almost ate the whole pizza without you. Where have you been hiding I was calling your name for like ten minutes. Jeff turns around to reveal his bloody mouth. Shit what happened to you man, are you alright? Jeff lunges at Nate and grabs his arm and takes a bite. Nate screams “WHATS WRONG WITH YOU”? Nate takes a step back and throws the now bloody piece of pizza at Jeff. He lunges at him again only this time Nate punches him in the face knocking him out cold. He leaves the zoo angry and drives to the nearest hospital.

Nate arrives at the hospital less than a mile from the zoo and rushes inside to the front desk. The lady behind the desk tells him to take a seat while she calls a doctor to come take a look at him. Nate keeps his shirt wrapped tightly around the bite on his hands to stop the blood from gushing onto the floor. A doctor comes up to him and asks what happened to his hand. My friend took a bite out of me then I knocked him out. You should send an ambulance to the Sactin Hill Zoo. He works there and was fixing a hole in the Tapirs Habitat fence. I went there because he called me asking for my help. I helped him catch the tapirs that had gotten out through the hole in the fence and then I offered to go get him lunch. He’d been prepping the zoo all day for the storm that’s coming so I wanted to give him a break.

Look if you want to file a police report on your friend you can do that later but for right now let’s have a look at your hand. Looks like your friend took a nice chunk of your hand. To be honest I’d have knocked him out too, this looks like it hurt. Well I did scream and knock him out when he did it so yes it hurt. I need to ask you a few more questions before I stitch up your hand. Was your friend intoxicated when he bit you? No, Jeff never got drunk. Was he sick or angry at you or someone else? No, like I said he was just a bit tired from prepping the zoo all day for the storm. He had a bloody mouth before I knock him out. It looked like maybe someone or something had hit him. Then again maybe he fell while trying to fix the fence. You know I bet that’s what happened. He was fixing the fence and must have fallen off when that loud bang of thunder occurred. That explains why I couldn’t find him. He must have gone to clean the blood from his mouth after falling off the fence. I shouldn’t have knocked him out. Looks like you two just had a bad day. Follow me to my operating room and I’ll get this hand taken care of for you.

There good as new, minus the chunk missing of course. Doctor, when he bit my hand it burned a little. Is it normal to feel a burning sensation from a bite? It’s not uncommon when say bitten by an animal or insect to feel a slight burning or itchy sensation. However from a human it’s a little odd. You know what I’d like to take a blood sample from you just in case. Nate takes a deep breath as the needle goes in and breaths out as the needle leaves his arm. Ok I’ll have someone take a look at this to see if there’s anything unusual. Should I just stay here over night? That might be best with the storm heading our way. What about my friend Jeff? I’ll send an ambulance to the zoo and have him taken care of before the storm hits. Thanks, could you let me know when he arrives so I can apologize for knocking him out? I’ll bring him to you when I’m done taking care of him.

The doctor walks to the front desk to speak with the head nurse. Nurse I need you to send a few paramedics and an ambulance over to the zoo. Tell them to pick up the guy in the tapar habitat. Tell them he may be unconscious and have minor injuries. Also tell them to be careful not to let him bite them if possible, he may have some illness.

Alright we’re here let’s get this done before it starts to rain again. Where’s the body supposed to be again? The doctor said we’d find him in the Tapir Habitat. Honestly he just knocked out not dead. Well knocked out or dead he’s not here. What are you talking about this is no time for games. Well this is the Tapir Habitat and there are no bodies here, dead or alive. Maybe he woke up and went to another part of the zoo. Let’s have a quick look around and see if we can find him anywhere. Maybe we should call the doctor and tell him we can’t find him. We haven’t even looked for him yet. Dude there’s a storm coming; I don’t want to get stuck in a zoo with a bunch of animals and you. Then shut up and help me look for him or you will be stuck in a zoo with animals and me.

Knock knock knock. Come in. Doctor the patient with the bite on his hand wants to speak with you. Tell him I’m a little busy and can’t talk right now. Doctor has my friend shown up yet? Nate what are you doing up out of bed? Didn’t I tell you I’d bring him to you once he arrived and I had treated him? Nurse will you please take him back to his room so he can try and get some rest before this storm hits. Nate I want you to stay in there this time and I’ll let you know the minute your friend gets here.

Okay man we’ve been searching for this guy for almost half an hour now. What’s your point it’s a big zoo? Just call the doctor and tell him we can’t find anyone here. Would it kill you to do your job a little pass half ass just once? Fine I’ll call the doctor but you know he’ll say the same thing. I’m getting nothing but static, happy? Try calling him again it’s probably just the storm. It’s ringing, yes hello Dr. Travis are you there? Yes I’m here this storm is making the connection weak. Have you located this Jeff yet, his friend just asked about him? We can’t find this guy anywhere. Alright sit tight you two and I’ll call you back. I’ll go ask his friend if he has any ideas where he might be.

Dr. Travis walks to Nate’s room and knocks on the door. Come it. Oh it’s you doctor, has my friend Jeff arrived? Actually the paramedics I sent are having a rather difficult time locating him. Does he have an office within the zoo or some other place he might try to ride out the storm? There’s an underground area where they keep the baby animals during bad weather. Normally he stays down there to keep them calm. I’m not sure he’d go down there hurt like he was though. He’d most likely try walking home. He only lives a few blocks from the zoo. Good I’ll call the paramedics and have them split up. They stand a better chance of finding him before the storm if they do.

Hey dude your cell phones ringing, it might be the doctor. Hello this is Robby. Robby is Steven there with you? Yes he’s right beside me, what’s up? I have two possible places to find this guy Jeff and I need you two to split up. I want Steven to check the zoo’s sub-basement while you drive to Jeff’s apartment a few blocks away. I need you two to be quick because this storm is approaching fast from the west. Alright but if we don’t find this guy we’re both coming back to the hospital. I agree, you’ve spent more than enough time looking for him. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be found. We’ll call you if we find him. I’ll tell Steven to go check the sub-basement then head to this Jeff guy’s apartment.

So what’s up where do we go now? You are headed to the sub-basement of this zoo while I drive to this guy’s apartment. Why? Apparently the doctor thinks I’m a better driver than you. Or if we split up we stand a better chance at finding this guy. Now if you find him down there call and I’ll bring the ambulance back. What if he’s at his apartment, are you going to be able to handle the guy if he’s critical? The guy was knocked out and maybe fell off a fence. I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle.

Robby gets into the ambulance and drives to Jeff’s apartment. Meanwhile Steven heads to the zoo’s sub-basement. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs he sees a big door slightly open. He approaches the door and hears a strange sound just on the other side. He opens the big heavy door a little more than all the way and sees a baby penguin on the floor. Hey buddy, are you supposed to be out here in the open all by yourself. Jeff are you down here? Jeff this is EMT Steven, are you down here or not? I’ll take that as a no baby penguin. Ring…Ring… Hello, yah it’s Steven. Listen this guy isn’t down here from what I’ve seen. I mean there’s a baby penguin roaming around down here but as far as humans I don’t AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. Steven what the hell man, are you trying to make me go deaf. STEVEN! Damn it screw this shit, I’m going to this guy’s apartment and if he’s there I’m leaving your ass at that zoo.

Robby arrives at the apartment building and heads up to Jeff’s place. He has to kick in the door and when he does he finds nothing but an empty room. Just like the zoo, where the hell is this guy? I can’t believe I’m wasting my time on this wild goose chase I’m out of here. He goes back downstairs, gets into the ambulance and drives pass the zoo. He thinks about leaving Steven there but changes his mind last minute. He turns the ambulance around and parks it in front of the zoo then goes inside and heads for the sub-basement. As he heads down the stairs he gets a call from the doctor. He answers “what’s up”? Did you find him? He wasn’t at his apartment and Steven says he’s not in the sub-basement either but I’m about to check it myself.

Robby reaches the bottom of the stairs and gets another call this time from Steven. He answers it mad “You’d better be calling me to apologize.” Robby I was wrong he is down here. You found him, man I just told the doctor you said he wasn’t down here. Shut up and listen to me man, he’s fucking crazy. What, dude listen I’m at the big door so get ready to leave. NO, Robby don’t come into the sub-basement. Steven listen the doctor says this storm is approaching fast from the west so we don’t have a lot of time to fuck around. The phone goes dead. Steven are you still there, damn it unbelievable.

Steven are you down here? Jeff? Hello idiots come out or I’m leaving you both here. He starts to leave and as he does he looks down for just a moment. He notices a blood smear and follows it to the back of the basement. He sees something in a corner but cannot make out what it is so he looks for a light switch. When he finds it he flips the switch and the basement slowly fills with light. He heads back to the corner to find Stevens dead body. Steven, what the hell happened to you man. He bends down to take Stevens pulse and he grabs him. Robby stands up and says “damn it I told you we don’t have time to fuck around”. Steven, get up and go get Jeff so we can get the hell out of here now. Steven slowly gets up and stares at Robby. Will you stop standing there looking at me and go get Jeff. Steven grabs Robby and takes a bite out of his face. Robby screams “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING”? He throws Steven against the wall and he falls to the ground. Robby runs for the stairs and he runs into Jeff. Are you Jeff, listen man we’ve got to get out of here? Jeff grabs Robby and takes a bite out of his arm and he screams. Jeff comes from behind him and takes another bite this time out of Robby’s throat killing him instantly as he tare’s away a chunk of flesh.

Have you seen Robby or Steven they should’ve be back an hour ago. They haven’t shown up yet. This is unacceptable I’m going to have a couple policemen sent over there to check on them. I’d better have one sent here to this Nate needs to file a police report. This is going to be one of those nights nurse, stay on your toes.

Two police cars arrive at the Sactin Hill Zoo. Meanwhile, a police man arrives at the hospital and the nurse behind the front desk sends him to Nate’s room. Knock knock knock. The policeman opens the door and introduces himself as Officer David. You must be here for my police report. Let’s get started then. Ok Nate, now I need you to start from the beginning and try not to leave out any details. I got a call this morning from my friend Jeff that works at the Sactin Hill Zoo. I went there to help him capture some tapirs that had escaped through a hole in their fence. When they were all back in the fence I offered to leave and bring lunch and something to drink back since he’d been working on prepping the zoo all morning. I left to go get pizza and when I returned he wasn’t there. I started eating the pizza without him as I walked around saying his name now and then. After about ten minutes I got sick of waiting for him so I made my way back to the tapir habitat. That’s where I ran into him and started asking him where he had been hiding all this time. He turned around and that’s when I noticed his bloody mouth. I asked him what happened and if he was alright but he didn’t say anything. That’s when he lunged at me and took a bit out of my hand. I threw my piece of pizza at him and when he lunged at me a second time, that’s when I knocked his ass out. After that I left the zoo and drove here. That’s all there is to say officer. Ok now all I need to do is have Jeff tell his side of the story and we’ll be all set. Good luck finding him, the doctor has had two policemen looking for hours and they haven’t found him yet. I hope they find him before the storm gets any worse. Well there are two police cars at the zoo as we speak so if your friend is in fact there they’ll find him.

Ok we’re going in teams of two. We’re looking for an adult male age 25, name Jeff. Also looking for two paramedics Robby and Steven. Both are adult Caucasian males roughly the same age. They were last heard from approximately twenty minutes ago when a call came from the sub-basement of this zoo. Stay sharp men and remember non-lethal force is to be used unless absolutely necessary to defend yourselves. Both teams enter the zoo and split up. The storm approaches kicking up gusts of wind nearing 30 mile per hour at first then increases to over 50 miles per hour.

Alright nurses listen up I want every patient in the emergency basement ASAP. Patients that are in critical are first priority. Use the elevators to move them to the basement. All other patients able to move on their own head down the stairs to the basement quickly and calmly. We got 15 minutes before this supercell hits and I don’t want any patient left up here when it does. Not you Nate, you’re staying up here with the policemen. I’m sorry but two of my paramedics are missing on account of your friend and until the show up you’re staying up here. Don’t worry if a tornado is headed our way he will escort you to the basement. I don’t understand it he was there when I left. Why couldn’t they find him, I mean it’s not like him to just go fucking missing. Listen I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually. Now I have to go secure the doors and windows on the upper levels of the hospital so don’t leave your room unless the policemen is with you. We don’t need two people missing, make that four people missing.

He’s not in the Aquarium section or the Desert Dome. He’s not in the Tapir or Bear Habitats. We still have the Primate, Big Cat, Bird and Insect sections to search. The last place we will all check together is the sub-basement. This storm is getting closer and more intense so I want you all to be careful.

Doctor all of the critical patients are safely in the basement now. Only a few non-critical patients remain on the lower levels. Finish getting them to the basement then please head back to the front desk. I need you to keep an eye on the monitors and weather radar while I keep an eye on the critical patients in the basement. If you see Nate trying to leave his room, page me immediately. He is to remain in his room unless the policemen in charge of him say otherwise.

This is insane us being here, why is this guy so important? The doctor just said he’s important and that we need to find and capture him immediately. Now let’s start looking around for him before we get fired or worse, killed. Static******you men find anything up there yet? ******No sir we’re still looking, is this guy really worth searching for during a storm? Listen to me, his friend was bitten by him and his blood test shows a virus I have never seen before. In the right hands it could be used for greatness but in the wrong hands, well you know what some jackass would do. Now I want you to find this Jeff and bring him to the hospital where he can be safely detained until this storm is over. Yes sir, we’ll notify you as soon as we have him. Forget notifying me the storm is going to be so bad you won’t be able to reach me via radio or cell phone anyways, just bring him to me.

I can’t believe we’re out here looking for a guy just because some idiot that pays us wants him. You know you could’ve turned down the $2,000,000 if you wanted, no one held a gun to your head. Right and I suppose you could’ve turned down that guy at the bar you made me go to last month. However we both know there are some things we cannot turn down. Why do you have to get personal man? I wonder if the other team has found this Jeff guy yet. Well even if they have we won’t hear about it anytime soon. Why is that? The radio has been nothing but static since we got here. This storm is having a major effect on our connection so not even the doctor can contact us now. Ha and that’s a bad thing? Let’s just find this guy so we can get the hell out of this zoo.

Well I give up, he’s not at this freaking zoo or we would’ve found his ass by now. Dude we’re getting $2,000,000 each to find this guy and all you are doing is bitching. Yes and that’s because I now know why we’re paid $2,000,000 to find him. You’re not worried at all about finding this guy and having him bite you so the doctor can lock you up and do random tests on your blood. Just then a bolt of lightning strikes a nearby tree sending a huge branch falling. It lands on one of the guys crushing him as the other guy gets knocked out. He wakes up a few brief moments later and screams and as he does the rain pours down his throat and begins infecting him rapidly. He’s dead in less than a minute due to the severity of his injury caused by the falling branch knocking him out and crushing his feet and legs. After a minute he awakens and pulls himself out from underneath the large branch. Unable to walk he begins to crawl through the thick mud and heavy rain. He hears the other team when one of their radios accidentally sends out a loud beeping sound. He begins to crawl in their direction.

What’s going on with your radio? It’s this storm it keeps making static over all the channels, looks like we’re on our own. Well maybe you should shut you’re radio off, we can’t use it anyway. Your right I don’t want this static to give that Jeff guy a chance to run away. You don’t think he’d run away from us do you, the doctor said he was injured. Why else has it been so hard finding him? This guy is hiding and he knows this zoo better than we do. You know a few years ago I brought a friend here to take a tour of the nursery for the baby animals. What’s your point? The point is the nursery was underground so maybe this guy is hiding there. It’s behind a big heavy door just underneath the zoo. Well we aren’t having much luck finding him up here so it’s worth a look. At least we’ll be out of the rain for a while.

Damn it what could be taking them so long, it’s just one man. Doctor this patient hasn’t got a pulse anymore. We need to get his body to an upper level we can’t have dead bodies down here with the living. We can use the lab on the second level since you haven’t operated in it for months. That will do, here you’ll need my key card to use the elevator. When you’re done could you check the front desk and ask the head nurse if she’s seen anything on the monitors or radar.

The nurse puts the dead man’s body in the elevator and swipes the doctor’s keycard and presses 2. The elevator starts going up as the nurse stands in the opposite corner of the dead body. The storm having damaged the roof of the hospital, starts forcing rain down the elevator shaft. As the elevator approaches level 2 it stops with a jolt. The lights go out and the nurse takes a deep breath. The rain starts seeping into the elevator and a few drops fall into the dead man’s mouth and eyes. Immediately the virus begins reanimating the body in the dark. The lights flicker back on and the elevator reaches level 2. Before the doors open the reanimated corpse grabs the nurse from behind and bites a chunk of flesh out of her neck. As she falls, her hand hits the door close button and it continues to rip the flesh from her body.

These are the stairs to the basement. This storm has gotten worse the rain is starting to hurt. Let’s hurry up and get down there, looks like we’ll be waiting out this storm in a zoo basement. I don’t mind as long as it doesn’t smell. Hold up, shit looks like the rains caused a bit of flooding. Well maybe we can find a way to fix it while we’re down here. Hey don’t look at me like that I don’t want to stay in a basement with animals that’s filling with water. This is the door you’ll have to help me open it. Damn this door is heavy. That’s because you’re foot is in the way. Honest mistake let’s just get this stupid door open I’m soaked. Okay the flooding isn’t as bad in here but we still need to find the pump switch. How detailed was this tour you took you’re friend on? Okay so I used to work here a few years back when I was in college, I needed the money. Well you sure don’t need it anymore, now where’s this pump switch? It’s been so long I can’t remember, it might not even be in the same location anymore. Let’s split up and find it. Sure let’s split up in a dark zoo basement slowly filling up with rain and who knows what else. Just go check that way and I’ll go check over here. It should be a big red T shaped switch with the words pump control above it.

Nurse can you come look after this patient, I’m going to go see what’s taking Margrett so long with that dead body. The doctor goes over to the elevator and realizes he had given his keycard to Margrett earlier. He makes his way to the stairs and runs up to the main level. He walks up to the exit and hears screaming. He opens the door and runs up the dark hall to the front desk. He sees Nate holding the head nurse. Nate, I knew you were infected. Get your hands off her. He kills the head nurse and runs towards the doctor. He tries to grab a needle from his pocket but Nate is too fast and he knocks the doctor to the floor and begins to bite and scratch at his body. The doctor screams “NO GET OFF ME” and tries one last time to get the needle from his pocket but before he does Nate takes a bite out of his throat and he bleeds to death. Nate runs off and the head nurse follows. Moments later the doctor comes to and runs off into the dark hospital leaving nothing but puddles of blood on the floor.

Hey man have you found it yet? No but this water smells like shit so we’d better find it quick. I’m going to go check further back in the basement while you keep checking here. Be careful man it’s dark as fuck down here, isn’t there a light switch somewhere? I think there’s one near the back so if I see it I’ll turn the lights on. Ma’am we just got a dead signal from our doctor in Sactin. Have a team retrieve his body immediately before someone identifies who he is. Then have them clear the area, I don’t want any trace of him having ever worked there understand? Yes Ma’am, I’ll put a team together immediately. One last thing, send one of our doctors to the hospital to fill the dead doctors position. Sactin is a very hot spot and I want eyes there at all times.

Hey man I found the light switch but they take a minute to turn on. I don’t care just flip the darn switch already I can’t see a damn thing and this water is driving me crazy. There we go problem solved now we can find that pump switch. Um, I think we might have a bigger problem on our hands. I’m seeing a lot of blood back here all over the walls. Get your ass back here and watch my back while I find this pump switch. I remember where it is now and we might not be alone down here. The sound of water splashing echoes throughout the basement and catches the attention of the now infected paramedics and Jeff. Did you hear that man it sounded like an animals. Let’s hurry we need to get out of here. The sound of splashing increases and the three infected men approach John and Andy from behind. There it is now we can get this water drained. Andy flips the pump switch down and the basement begins to empty the flooded rain water quickly causing the infected to lose their footing. John and Andy make their way back to the big door and see the 3 infected men on the floor. John grabs a pair of handcuffs and quickly puts them on Jeff while Andy cuffs the 2 paramedics together. We need to find something to keep them from biting us. There’s some duct tape over here. That should work great, now wrap it around their heads several times and remember they aren’t human anymore.

While Andy and John have everything under control in the basement, their now dead and footless team member has managed to crawl his way to the stairs leading to the basement. He hears the pump and throws his body down the stairs. He crawls to the big door but cannot open it. He sees a vent nearby and crawls over to it. He starts banging on it with his fists until the cover smashes inward. He enters the vent and starts moving closer to where Andy and john are.

Did you hear that just now, sounded like something banging on metal? It was probably just the storm man, must be making a real mess of the zoo. We should be fine down here so don’t worry about it. I wonder where our teammates are should I try to radio them? You can try but I don’t know if you’ll be able to get a signal out while we’re down here. Colt and Alex are you there? *****Colt and Alex are you guys up there? Listen we found Jeff and the two paramedics. They’re all infected so we cuffed them together and taped their mouths shut. If you get this make your way to the basement and get out of the storm. I hope they at least heard me. Wait I’m getting something it sounds like breathing. Colt is that you? Alex are you there? Maybe it’s just storm static. This isn’t static its breathing. Alex and Colt if this is your idea of a joke it needs to stop right now. SHHHH that sound isn’t breathing or storm static. I know that sound, I used to get it all the time when my friends and I played with walky-talkies. They only made that sound when you would get near each other. That means Alex and Colt are down here with us. Stay here while I go try to find them I know this basement better than you do. Hurry back man its fucking creepy down here, especially with three zombies handcuffed together staring at me like a midnight snack.

John pulls out his hand gun and slowly walks towards the front door of the basement but sees neither Alex nor Colt by the big door. He searches and searches but cannot find them anywhere. He makes his way back to Andy and hears a loud crashing sound from above. A violent tornado is slamming large debris around above ground and a siren begins to go off both underground and above and John runs back to Andy.

Ok nurses there’s a large violent tornado headed our way, we need to get these criticals along the west wall quickly. I hope the doctor and head nurse are safe. Unknown to the nurse, they are headed to the basement as the large tornado moves closer and closer towards the hospital. Its went from a violent F3 to a 3 mile wide monstrous F5 with winds well pass 310 miles per hour destroying everything in its path. The ground begins to shake and the doctor, head nurse and Nate fall the rest of the way down the stairs. The large tornado destroys the zoo and makes its way to the hospital and all lights even the emergency ones go out.

I think its pass us now Andy. Shit that was my first tornado ever and I had to share it with three zombies in a smelly basement. Nice to see you still have your sense of humor after two near death experiences my friend. I like to look on the bright side of things even if it is night time. Look I couldn’t find Alex or Colt anywhere down here. See I told you it was breathing I heard and not your walky-talky too close together noise. It was that sound but I don’t understand it. They must have crawled into one of the vents to take shelter from the tornado. The door must have been blocked by debris. They must still be in the ventilation system I can still hear the feedback over the radio. Stay here while I go track them down. Um no, I’ve played zombie babysitter enough for a lifetime. You stay here and watch them while I go track down Alex and Colt. Alright but be careful, have your gun ready just in case any of the animals escaped and are still alive. They’ll be extremely violent after a storm like this, especially the wolves and lions. Ha this zoo only has lions. Andy just be careful.

Andy opens the big heavy door to the entrance of the basement only to find the stairs blocked by a crushed car and a fallen tree roots and all. He climbs over the debris and begins looking for the air vents. He finds only one and it’s been smashed inward. He enters the vent system and begins to crawl forward when he notices traces of blood and mud beneath him. They must be in here, one of them is injured. He continues to crawl through the vent and begins to hear his radio make a loud static sound. He then hears a loud growl echo in the vent and he reaches down to shut his radio off. What the fuck was that, that wasn’t Colt or Alex. He begins to crawl backwards in a panic and snags his boot strings on a loose screw. He has no choice but to move forward and when he does his boot comes free. He continues to crawl backwards then hears the growling again. He can see light from the opening to the vent when out of nowhere Colt grabs him by the arm and tries to bite him but cannot get through the body armor material. Andy wiggles out of the vent as Colt follows after him. It is then he notices Colt hasn’t got any feet and says “what the hell happened to you Colt”? Andy takes out his gun and shoots Colt in the head and his body falls dead in the mud.

Well Andy did you find Alex or Colt up there? Andy? He’s dead and I had to shoot Colt. What the hell happened up there, why did you shoot Colt? He was infected and tried to kill me in the vent. I crawled backwards to get out and he followed me and I saw he had no feet. I shot him and on my way back here I saw Alex crushed under a tree. Colt must have been stuck under the same tree and somehow pulled himself out from underneath. The virus turned him somehow because when I saw him, he was no longer there. Colt was no longer himself and I had to shoot him. I don’t care what the doctor or the CDC says or does to me. I wasn’t going to let my friend be tested and studied like a damn lab rat. SHHH there’s another noise, its coming from the vents again. Well it’s not Alex or Colt so who or what could it be this time? Get your gun ready I’m going to open the cover to the vent. John steps over to the vent and removes the cover and tosses it aside then takes a step back. They both stand there for a few moments and see nothing. Andy takes a step towards the open vent but hears scratching so stumbles back with a gasp. John grabs a flashlight from his pocket and shines the light into the open vent. Out jumps the baby penguin that the paramedic was holding just before his partner and Jeff killed him. It had escaped through the drain in the floor and managed to crawl out when the water flooded the basement. Then it somehow made its way into the ventilation system.

How in the hell do you suppose a baby penguin got into the vents? I don’t know but I’m glad it’s not another zombie. Why are you afraid, have you forgotten we already got three? We’re going to have a hard enough time getting these three into the police car and getting them to the hospital. This is if it’s still standing, you haven’t seen above ground yet. I say we take this little guy with us and head up to the police car with these three. Alright Jeff it’s time to go. You too Robby and hmmm you lost your nametag so I’ll call you smelly, get moving Robby and smelly. All five of them head to the big door in the front of the basement. John I told you it’s blocked by a car and tree. You know I think there’s an elevator lift leading into the penguin habitat. Follow me it’s this way. Are you sure this thing can hold all five of us John? It should be able to it’s used to lift thousands of pounds of ice to keep the penguins comfortable during the summer months. They get on the lift and John presses the green button and they begin to ascend to the penguin habitat which to their surprise is still intact and cold. I guess I can leave you here little guy. You’re going to leave a helpless baby penguin in the middle of a tornado debris field all alone? Well what in the hell do you propose we do with it Andy? We can’t just take three zombies and a baby penguin to a doctor at a hospital that might not even be standing anymore. I’ll be back, watch them and I’ll be back trust me. Andy what are you doing let’s just go.

Is everybody okay? Any nurse hurt or patients dead? We’re all fine and no reports of fatalities down here. I went upstairs to check on the head nurse and the doctor but all I could find was blood everywhere. There were even traces of blood by the stairs but no body’s. Do you think they were trying to get down here as it hit? That’s as good a guess as any right now but let’s hope they made it somewhere safe and that the blood isn’t there’s. Ok does anyone have a working cellphone? We need to notify the authorities and let them know that the hospital has taken major damage and that we have several critical patients that need to be transferred to the nearest hospital ASAP. I’m already on it, they have a line of ambulances and a few helicopters headed our way to help out. Great, now let’s work on getting these patients into the stairwell while I go see if the elevator still works.

The nurse makes her way to the elevator and stumbles over a pile of rubble that had fallen from the ceiling. She makes it to the elevator and when she opens the door Margrett grabs her leg and she screams. Margrett oh my god what happened to you? Don’t worry help is on the way, you’re going to be just fine. Margrett takes a bite out of the nurse and she screams in agony. She turns around to run but falls and the elevator doors close on her legs then open again. She stands up to try and run again but the dead man grabs her and pulls her into the elevator just as the doors shut in front of her.

Come on Andy where are you? Andy is back in the basement where he finds a small cooler and grabs it. This should work. On his way back to the front of the basement he hears a noise from above. What now? Andy drops the cooler and pulls out his gun. A large python drops out of the ceiling and wraps itself around Andy’s legs. He tries to pull it off but it’s too strong and he falls and hits his head on the ground. John having heard the snake crash through the ceiling moments earlier had already made his way to the basement. He runs to Andy and cuts the snake off his legs and throws it to the side. Are you alright Andy? Come on Andy wake up man. John slaps him a few times and he wakes up. What the hell man, I had the strangest dream. I came down here to get a cooler for the baby penguin and I tripped and hit my head. Then some idiot kept slapping my face. John laughs and says “third near death experience in the last 24 hours and you still have a sense of humor”. Come on I’ll help you up man. I did fall and you were slapping me weren’t you? What was on my legs? A rather large python was wrapped around them. Oh that’s great it should’ve been you down here, you’re the one that likes snakes. Don’t blame me Andy you’re the one who came back down here for a cooler. Hey I like that baby penguin and I wasn’t going to just leave it here. You’re too kind my friend now grab that cooler and let’s get the hell out of this basement before something else happens.

Ok it this everybody? Yes that’s all the patients but we have to wait for the nurse. What nurse is she injured? No she went to go check the elevator a while ago to see if they still worked and she hasn’t come back yet. Well if she’s not injured then I’m afraid we cannot wait here. We need to leave now and get these critical patients to a hospital. Are you coming or staying? I’m coming I guess she got out of the hospital another way.

They leave the hospital without ever searching for the missing nurse or the head nurse and doctor. As for the patient Nate, the policeman that was in charge of watching him was found half a mile away from the hospital dead. They bagged his body up and gave cause of death as tornado victim. The real cause was Nate who had violently attacked him hours prior to his body being picked up by the tornado and tossed the half mile distance. As for Nate’s body, it was never found by the search party so he was assumed dead.

Damn there’s nothing left of the hospital. Well where do we go now, I doubt the doctor is even in Sactin anymore which means we’re stuck with these three. Let see if we can’t find something here that might tell us where he went. They search through the rubble that was once the hospital and find nothing. They head back to the police car and are halted by the CDC team. Hey what the hell are you doing don’t open that back door. Sir are you the officer that drives this vehicle? Yes we just arrived here from the zoo after being attacked by those things and a tornado. These three are from the zoo? We were informed that our doctor had died and were sent here to collect his body. We were informed just before he died of a patient by the name of Nate that was bitten by his friend Jeff at a zoo here in Sactin. His blood has a virus in it and we are to take all people that have come in contact with him to the CDC headquarters to be tested. Listen we work for the doctor and since you said he’s dead that means we work for ourselves now. We’re not going with you however you’re more than welcome to take the three in the backseat of my police vehicle there if you want. Andy and I are leaving and you can just tell the head of the CDC that we are not having tests done on us because we were never bitten by those things. We can’t allow you to leave the area possibly infected with an unknown virus coursing through you veins. I’d love to see a nerdy piece of shit like you try and stop me from leaving. Let’s get the hell out of here Andy. Stop them use tranquilizer darts if you have to. Get in the car Andy. Damn it lethal force authorized shoot them. John and Andy jump into the police car now free of the three infected and speed away dodging bullets and debris on the road.

The team leader gets a call from the head of the CDC. Well how does it look there, have you located the doctors body yet? Yes and his head nurse and this patient Nate who we thought were dead and missing. We also found his friend Jeff that bit him originally. We also located two infected paramedics from the zoo as well. That’s good news has the area been cleared? Two male policemen sped off claiming they were attacked by the three infected at the zoo. They also mentioned working for the doctor. Since he was dead the figured they work for themselves now and so they drove off and we couldn’t stop them. I’m not happy about this. Your team has four hours to find those two and bring them to me dead or alive. Ok team we have new orders. You three drive the infected to the CDC headquarters while the three of us track these two guys down. Let’s do one last sweep of the hospital to make sure we haven’t missed any infected then head out.

This place is such a mess do you really think we’ll find anyone alive here? No but after letting those two get away I’m not going to allow us to let anything else make us look incompetent to the head of the CDC. Sir I have activity by the lower elevator. I’m on my way. While walking pass the elevator in the basement one of the guys heard movement from within the elevator where the dead man and Margrett killed the nurse. Alright what did you see? Nothing it’s what I heard sir. Well what was BANGBANGBANG… That sir, the elevator has someone or something in it. Get you’re tranquilizer darts ready, we might have multiple infected on our hands. You, get this door open while we cover you. I’m on it sir, it requires a keycard so it’ll take me a minute. Hold up the doors opening on its own now. Get back, tranquilizers ready both of you. The doors open and the three see dead bodies lying on the floor not moving. What do you think went on in here? I’m not sure but we were told to clear the area so let’s bag these bodies up and head out. Do you think they were infected before they died or did the tornado do this? I don’t know it’s hard to tell. Let’s make this quick before it gets dark and those two policemen get too far away to track down.

I can’t believe the doctor is dead and we’re both out $2,000,000 each. You know they’ll track us down and kill us for leaving like that. Andy come on, they have far bigger fish to fry after a disaster like this. Beside I think I have a way for us to get more than $2,000,000 for each of us. Oh really, I can’t wait to hear your brilliant plan. Well smartass before I came to your rescue in the zoo basement I was taking blood samples from our three zombie friends. How is that going to help us get millions of dollars? You really don’t expect me to sell zombie blood do you? Andy you’re not using your head at the moment so allow me to explain. The CDC team said the infected had a virus in their blood that they had never seen before. I have samples of their blood with me meaning I have the virus with me. Do you have any idea how much money we could make selling this virus to someone. I’ll say it again, you’d go out of your way to sell zombie blood to some crazy rich dude that’s going to do fuck knows what with it. Then what we just drive off into the sunset with millions of dollars in our pockets? Actually I was thinking we could use a suitcase but pockets are fine. You don’t have a problem with this idea do you? Actually no I don’t I think it’s one of the best ideas you’ve ever had, are you sure it’s yours? What’s that four times you’ve almost been killed and you still got a sense of humor? That’s why we’re friends because you don’t have one.

Pilot this man is still alive, call the hospital and tell them to have a doctor on stand by for another critical. The paramedic goes to unzip the body bag to help the man inside when the bag rips open. The zombie grabs the paramedic and bites his face and he screams. The pilot looks back and screams “what are you doing” then the paramedic attacks the pilot and the helicopter starts losing altitude. The zombies fall back and the pilot tries calling for help but before he is able to get a word out the helicopter crashes in a field not far from a busy road. Hundreds of people witness the crash and immediately call for help. Fire trucks are rushed to the field to hose down the helicopter and nearby flames that are spreading further into the dry brush. When the flames are extinguished the firemen start pulling out bodies from the wreckage. The bodies are so badly charred they can’t be identified. I bet these three were headed out of Sactin after that F5 tornado hit, poor souls. Let’s get these bodies to the morgue and see if we can ID them so we can notify their families.

Where do we start looking, I mean these guys could be anywhere by now. Luckily I placed a tracking device on their vehicle before they came out of the hospital. It only works when the car is in motion so if we are going to catch them we need them to be driving until we catch up to them. If the car isn’t moving then we’re not going to find them in the time we’ve been given by the head of the CDC. What happens if we don’t catch up to them and they leave the country, they could infect thousands or more? I have a signal they’re about two miles north of us moving fast. Take this dirt road and we can catch up to them faster. Trust me I know the area better than you.

Hey John we should find a place to stop for the night, I’m tired and don’t feel like sleeping in a car with you. There’s a motel nearby but it’s not smart to stop with that CDC team on our tail. I don’t care you know how many turns we took. I mean even if they were following us they couldn’t possibly know where we are now. Alright but first we should ditch this car. How about we just find a dirt road and leave it there then walk back to the motel. If they find it they won’t think to look in a motel for us. Was that a joke or something, that’s the first place they would check? It was I guess that means I do have a sense of humor after all. No you need to work on it that was terrible. Shut the fuck up. They both start to laugh. Here this looks like a good place to stop. Ok with me let’s grab our stuff and get out of here. Don’t forget your baby penguin Andy. I won’t now where’s the cooler? Isn’t it in the back seat? Not unless it’s invisible because I’m not seeing it. Damn it I left the cooler back at the hospital. Don’t look at me like that we were being shot at and I just forgot about it. We have to go back John. Andy we are so not going back there for a baby penguin. I mean for all we know the CDC probably already has the cooler and they are running tests on the penguin as we speak. Well that’s just great that’s fantastic that is. Don’t get all pissed Andy it was just one baby penguin for god sake. Let’s just find another vehicle and keep moving.

So what happened to them, why do you think the helicopter crashed? I’m not sure but I can say without a doubt that the crash didn’t kill these men. What are you talking about I have hundreds of witnesses saying the crash killed them. A couple managed to get some footage of the helicopter just before it crashed and you can hear the men screaming from inside the helicopter as it burned. If the crash didn’t kill them what did the fire? They pulled this one from the front of the helicopter and I assume it’s the body of the pilot. He seems to have had chunks of his flesh taken out by what appears to be teeth marks. Judging by the size of the teeth patterns that have been charred into his flesh here and here I’d say someone in that helicopter bit him. This of course would’ve caused him to lose control and crash the helicopter into the field. So are we looking at a murder and accident since all men died? I mean if one of these dead guys killed or tried to kill the pilot before the crash there’s not a whole lot I can do about it accept write that in the autopsy report. If you agree that was in fact the cause of death just tell me and I’ll have you sign the report. I’d like to take blood samples from each body since it was a bite that could’ve caused the crash. You can’t take blood from a charred body can you? If I’m lucky there’ll still be unsolidified blood within the hearts of each body. I’ll need a few hours to cut them open and get the blood to run some tests. You got it just hurry because there’s going to be a lot more bodies coming your way. That tornado over in Sactin killed thousands and their morgues are full or damaged and their hospital was destroyed. My god, I’ll have this taken care of within the hour. I’ll have my two trainees help me so we can do all three bodies at the same time.

Damn, the signal stopped which means the care is no longer being driven. Well where did the signal last say the car was? On a dirt road near a motel about one and a half miles up the road. You think they ran out of gas and checked into the motel? No but it’s worth a shot. Ring…ring…ring… hello? Have you found them yet? We’ve tracked their car near a motel and we’re on our way there now. You have less than two hours to locate these men and bring them to me understood? Understood ma’am we should have them within the hour. You should’ve had them at the hospital.

Are you comfortable back there? It’s a lot better than that stinky police car. Hey that’s not from me, it’s from those zombies.

#horror #zombies #book #books #writer #writing

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bulbsanta06-blog · 5 years ago

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Eating BIG in Montreal

Eating like a local: Regional food specialties

- Exploring French-Canada (MTL edition)

We decided to take a trip for our second anniversary. My wife had the time available from work and I'm currently part timing so why not we figured? If it's one rule I try to live by it's the live for now mentality. At least while it's just us anyway. Why Montreal? Well we paired it with Quebec City but in truth it was Montreal that I really wanted to get to. It's a spot I'd been to about a decade ago but that was before I did stuff like this. So we did the typical stuff that 20 somethings do when traveling there. I think I ate poutine at the casino. Ha. So this trip would be much different. As always I had my eyes on Montreal for the food first and foremost. That paired with the facts it's only a two hour flight and early November was off season made it an easy choice. We wanted something similar to Europe.

Sights from Montreal

What's so similar to Europe? Well to start French is still the main language in the Quebec region of Canada. This alone makes you feel like you're somewhere overseas. Maybe not as much so as Quebec City but Montreal has some wonderful historic neighborhoods with cobblestone streets and such. I cant quite pinpoint what it is but I really did love Montreal after this second trip I took. We got lucky in that it was warmer there then it was in Chicago so we had basically 50 degree weather that was mostly sunny. I really want to go back during the summer bc like Chicago I imagine it's electric.

More Sights from Montreal

I always have these large google maps that I make of all the spots I want to try. I was surprised by how many were on my Montreal list. It's a big city and it seemed like my type of spots just kept popping up. Of course it was impossible to get to tall of them which is partially why I think Montreal is the type of city that warrants multiple visits. If you like strolling around town and walking through different neighborhoods than this is a good place to take a vacation. The public transit system was very much reliable and really easy to use. Clean too. Shouts out to the Hotel William Gray which is a very nice place to stay if you like the new school hip and modern hotels that take good care of you.

More Sights from Montreal

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Beauty's Luncheonette

Montreal is home to a ton of iconic eateries. Some of them have been on my hit list for quite some time. Beauty's Luncheonette was one of them. Opened in 1942 by a son of two Russian-Jewish immigrants it's been a staple of the community ever since. Locals come for both the food and chit chat based on what I saw on our visit. I chose this as our first stop bc we got in early and the most ordered menu item at Beauty's is the Beauty's Special. It's a toasted Montreal bagel with lox, cream cheese, red onion, and tomato. A classic that I can always enjoy. Even if the bagel is toasted. Other popular menu items are the blintzes, challah French toast, and the smoked salmon with eggs. It just started to get packed as the kids of the founder were hosting some sort of get together for what seemed like friends and relatives. Go early or on a weekday if you can bc I noticed a line on the wkd.

The Beauty Special at Beauty's Luncheonette

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Pâtisserie Au Kouign Amann

Any time a city's direct comparison is France you better stop and see what's up with the pastries. Pâtisserie Au Kouign Amann is said to be one of the best spots in town. We stopped in for both a croissant and also a bite of the namesake. Not bad at all. Maybe not Paris level or should I say San Francisco which is where I fell in love with the super buttery and flaky Kouign Amann pastry.

Kouign Amann at Pâtisserie Au Kouign Amann

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Larry's

Larry is short for Lawrence which is a popular Montreal dinner spot. Helmed by a British ex pat who also runs a head to tail butcher it was one of many spots on my radar. I didn't get into the Restaurant Lawrence on this trip but we did get to enjoy some natural wines at his all day bar Larry's. If it's too early for drinks you can get coffee here and the menu is reflective of all three popular meals in the day. It's the rare chef driven all day spot that every city deserves. We got the chicken liver over toast from the section of toasts on offer and it was wonderful. Some of the best chicken liver pate I've tried.

Chicken Liver Toast at Larry's

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Wilensky's Light Lunch

Seeing as how we were a short walk from the #1 spot on my hit list I made it happen early. It too is an iconic stop on Montreal's sensational sandwich trail. Wilensky's was opened in 1932 by a Russian Jew who made Montreal his home. There is no grill, or fryers. No plates or silverware either. That’s bc they basically serve one thing which is the famous Wilensky sandwich made with five slices of beef salami, one slice of bologna, mustard, and your choice of cheese (Swiss or cheddar). It’s pressed until the cheese melts and then served on a napkin. Don’t even think about asking for it sliced or served without mustard bc they have never catered to those requests. Don't forget to try a homemade soda and either some sweet or sour pickles. My cherry cola was made right before my eyes.

Sandwich, Pickles, Drink at Wilensky's Light Lunch

Having been visited by the likes of Anthony Bourdain, David Chang, and just about every travel publication out there it's a popular spot for both locals and tourists. I loved sitting at the counter and I loved the sandwich even more. I ended up going back for one on the last day as it was right there. I don't have a Hall of Fame of spots I've visited over years. But if I did Wilensky's is a first ballot entry.

The Wilensky Special

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Agrikol

Montreal has that French connection which means there's also a Haitian connection. There's plenty of French speaking Haitians around town from what I saw. Agrikol is a hip rum bar where Haitian flavors star in the food. It took us straight to South Beach with it's presentation and vibes. That said I've never quite liked a place in SoBe the way I did Agrikol. Both the food and drink were killer. Specifically the food. I've had my fair share of Haitian down in Palm Beach County and Griot is one of the most popular menu items. The fried pork is one of the cuisines signature dishes and Agrikol gives it a wonderful fresh fry resulting in a piece of pork as juicy as the freshest fried chicken. What takes it over the top is both the wonderful citrus flavors and also the pikliz. The latter of which is a diced up pickled cabbage loaded with sneaky heat. Haitians put this on everything so it's at each table like BBQ sauce is at a smokehouse. Whatever you order make sure you turn it up to 10 with pikliz.

Griot at Agrikol

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Au Pied De Cochon

You know the drill. When most people look into where they should dine while in Montreal there's two spots that always pop up. Au Pied De Cochon is one of them. Run by the famous Martin Picard it's one of Montreal's OG new age fine dining restaurants. New age meaning all the rules from the fine dining of your youth are kicked to the curb in favor of rustic French-Canadian cooking with lot's of fireworks involved. As in an entire section of the menu dedicated to different preps of foie gras.

Foie Gras Nigiri

I forget where I saw the Nigiri but it was on one of the shows as these guys are a popular visit from food and travel people. I believe they were on Bourdain's show a couple times. The foie gras nigiri was as good as advertised. I could eat that stuff all day. No surprise to find foie gras and rice going so well together as it's not the first time I've tried the two paired together. After what was an almost unbearable wait we received our entree. Honestly every single restaurant had anywhere from good to great service with this spot being the exception. Our waiter was hardly friendly which is fine as long as I don't have to wait close to an hour for my food. I think it might've been sitting at the station for a good 15 minutes while the waiter chatted wines with another table. Oh well I rarely care about service. I would still go back but after all the great hospitality before this it was a letdown here. The Tajine Pork was extra fragrant and quite delicious but also rather one dimensional with cumin being the dominant spice. I liked it but I didn't want to eat it all night. Good thing we got a single portion.

Curry Pork Tajine at Au Pied De Cochon

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Cosmos Snack

If you couldn't tell by now Montreal has a ton of locals favorite type spots. Places that have been around as long as many of Montreal's people. Located in a pretty residential area is this iconic diner. So beloved that there was a documentary made on Cosmos and it's founder. Tony Koulakis opened his diminutive diner in 1967 after emigrating to Canada from Crete. It quickly became a local landmark known for it's greasy spoon breakfasts and the friendly owner who served them. The documentary titled 'Man of Grease' lives on but unfortunately Tony does not. He was tragically killed by his son back in 2013. His picture still sits overlooking the small counter that seats maybe six.

a peek inside

In spite of his tragic death Tony left behind a legacy in both his diner and it's food. One of the most popular menu items is the famous creation sandwich. It's made with bacon, salami, fried egg, lettuce, tomato, and mayo on toasted challah. I watched from the counter as the lady whipped up three of these as everyone in there was eating them. Upon my first bite it was easy to understand why it was such a popular way for Habs to start their day. It's a damn fine sandwich. Shit I should've got two.

The Creation Sandwich at Cosmos Snack

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Momesso Restaurant

Continuing along on my little self guided sandwich crawl was another must stop spot on my hit list. I was feeling the Italian sausage subs served at this extremely popular sandwich shop in a pretty Italian heavy area. I visited right around Noon and it got hopping real quick. I think I read that they've been in the area since the 70's. A bunch of Canadiens memorabilia on the walls as well as TV's and drafts of cheap beer gave Momesso the feel of a sports bar. The menu has hot sandwich offerings with the Italian being the first one listed. For good reason. It's their most popular. They take a seasoned Italian sausage patty and fry it up on a flattop before putting it in a bun and topping it with tomatoes, onion, cabbage, oil. Cups of homemade pepper relish come served on side at each table. Delicioso!

Italian Sausage Sandwich at Momesso Restaurant

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Gibeau Orange Julep

So I had a lot of must stops on my lists and this next one was another. I've wanted to check this place out for a long, long time. Partly do to the food but also bc of the building itself. As you can see in the pic above the Gibeau Orange Julep is housed in a big orange orbit. It's impossible to miss if you're driving past. It opened in 1932 and over time has become a roadside attraction for both the building and the famous orange julep drink. For those familiar with an Orange Julius drink this is pretty much the same thing. They also serve burgers and hot dogs. I was tempted to try a hot dog or maybe a burger but those were coming soon so I held off. But I really liked the creamy orange drink.

Gibeau Orange Julep

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Snowdon Deli

For those that may have been wondering there was no trip to Schwartz's. What gives? Well first is the fact I went there on my trip a decade or so ago. The other is the long lines and locals talk of it being overrated. They're not the only smoked meat sandwich game in town. The smoked meat sandwich being the most crucial of Montreal's regional foods. The bagels may be the most celebrated but those in the know understand how special the smoked meat sandwich is. Like the bagels the smoked meat sandwich is a product of the city's Jewish community. It's made using a Kosher brisket that's been salted and cured with different spices before being smoked and sliced for sandwich meat. Snowdon Deli is said to serve one of the best in the city and I'll be damned if it isn't bc it was f'ing spectacular. The meats tenderness reminded me of the best brisket I've ate in Texas. Notice they don't slice it too thin? That's bc it's hand sliced. Pictured is a "medium" in terms of fattiness. IT. WAS. PERFECT.

Smoked Meat Sandwich at Snowdon Deli

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Bar Henrietta

As always my wife was on the cocktails and Bar Henrietta was near the top of her list. It was on mine too but more so for the food. As you can read in the neon pictured above this is a trendy Portuguese style tavern. Montreal has a really nice sized Portuguese community and Bar Henrietta is an ode to some of the older taverns found around town. Aside from the drinks they also do a small bar menu of Portuguese inspired bites. We loved all three of the plates we tried to the point where I really thought about coming back. The chicken liver pate was decadent. The roasted octopus with fried sliced potatoes was perfect. We also tried the Bifana sandwich which is one of a handful of popular Portuguese sandwiches. Made with thinly sliced marinated pork and cheese that's pressed in a Portuguese roll and served with sides of mustard and cornichons. So good. Pretty similar to a Cuban.

Portuguese Bar Snacks at Bar Henrietta

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Joe Beef

Many of you already know about Joe Beef. Perhaps the most famous restaurant in Canada. The Kings of restaurant gluttony have built themselves quite an empire. Aside from their original project they have another spot next door as well as a natural wine bar and an upscale luncheonette. Joe Beef being the spot that gave them the ability to do all the others. So as you can imagine people book reservations here well in advance. There were no spots left by the time we knew we were going to Montreal however there is a way to enhance your chances of getting to go. So long as you're willing to find out if so on the day of the meal. There's a Canadian dining app called DINR that you can download for free. Once on your phone you can open it and select your city where you'll be brought to a page with a bunch of popular restaurants around town that have last minute reservations available. From what I could tell Joe Beef has spots on the app every day. We got in easily. After taking a seat at the bar (I prefer sitting there) we were greeted by some enthusiastic locals. Five star hospitality.

Quail Stuffed with Sausage in a dill infused broth

The bartenders / waiters were full of life and obviously enjoyed their job. As was the case with just about every place we ate, they were all about the fact we were from Chicago. I swear every bartender and or waiter we had in both Montreal and Quebec City has either been to Chicago or was going and they were all visiting for the food and drink. So them knowing we were from Chicago I think made them bring their A game as they all had nothing but wonderful things to say about our city. All of which I could shoot back at the Quebec region and it's people as the service was stellar just about everywhere. Food wise we weren't let down either. Pictured above was a sausage stuffed quail in a sip it dry dill infused broth. The menu changes daily but you'll never have trouble finding something good.

Lobster Spaghetti at Joe Beef

One thing you will most always find on the menu is the lobster spaghetti. It's pretty much their signature dish. Not much selling needed by our waiter for this one. The picture doesn't do justice the fact that there's an entire lobster on that plate. It's a dish that pretty much anyone who likes shellfish would love. I like shellfish and so does she. Thus we loved it. At first I couldn't decide between a steak and a beef cheek but in the end it was actually pretty easy. When you see slow braised meats on the menu at Joe Beef you'd be well off to make them your dinner. French-Canadian cooking is all about comforting yourself up on a cold winter night. But it doesn't need to be cold for it to be good.

Slow Braised Beef Cheek at Joe Beef

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Montreal's Bar Scene

As always we popped around to a handful of the hot local drinking spots. I'd give Montreal's cocktail scene a B+ as it was better than many spots I've been to but not quite on the level of some of the worlds best. We enjoyed drinks at a Vietnamese inspired bar called Nhau. The food is also supposed to be good but we stopped there before reservations elsewhere. Perhaps the best cocktail I've had in some time came from a backdoor spot called Cold Room. It was called the Ube-Macapuno and it was made with rum, purple yam ananas, suze liquor, dry curacao, Bols yogurt, pineapple, and mint. It had an amazing taste that I've never quite experienced. I imagine this is what the cocktails are like in Tokyo. That said the service was SLOOOOOW so be prepared to wait and maybe even order two.

Cocktail at Cold Room

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The Greenspot

One of my favorite things about Montreal's food scene is all of the local fast food spots. They call them Casse Croutes but they can also be diners. The latter of which is what Greenspot is. The diner has been around for more than 70 years. Just like in the States these spots tend to be owned by Greek and or Albanian immigrants. Greenspot felt alot like many of the old school diners in Rust Belt cities such as Cleveland and Detroit. They became popular for their hot dogs which are huge in Montreal. Equally big if not bigger is poutine. Greenspot was said to have a good one so I made it breakfast one day. Though they have something like 27 different poutine options you can't beat the classic. Thick fresh cut fries are topped with a deeply beef flavored brown gravy and fresh squeaky cheese curds. I've always liked poutine even though it's something I don't eat often. Greenspot's was the best I've ever had. This place was a perfect ex. of a greasy spoon diner. I wish I could be a regular.

Poutine at Greenspot

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Ma Poule Mouille

When it comes to regional treats Montreal has more than their fair share. Portuguese grilled chicken is another one of them. Peri Peri Chicken shops such as Ma Poule Mouille are beloved for their charcoal grilled chicken dripping in spicy peri peri sauce. It's just one of many dishes the Portuguese adapted into their own as peri-peri is originally an African snack. Mozambique to be exact.

Charcoal Grilled Chicken

Ma Poule Mouille isn't the oldest of the bunch but it gets mentioned often as the best in the city. Same goes for their poutine which they add slices of Spanish chorizo into. I wanted to try the poutine but had plans for another stop so we got a half grilled chicken which comes with salad and fresh cut fries. Everyone loves a good plate of charcoal kissed chicken so it's no surprise this place stays packed. In a city where you can easily spend $20+ on lunch this is a great option for the locals.

Peri Peri Chicken at Ma Poule Mouille

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Pataterie Chez Philippe

Next stop up was on my list for a Michigan. What's that you ask? It's basically what they call a chili dog in Montreal. What's the reason? I cant promise you it's 100% accurate but I do know that they also call them "Michigan's" in upstate New York which isn't far from Montreal. So that's the most likely reason but why do they call them that in NY? My guess would be bc the people in New York named them after the Coney Dogs of Michigan. Detroit to be exact. Pataterie Chez Phillipe is a longtime Montreal casse croute that the locals love for both hot dogs and burgers. I hear the fries are great and the poutine is too by extension but I couldn't do all three. So I rolled with one Michigan and a cheeseburger with everything. The burger had some unexpected fantastic crispy laced edges and was really well made for something like $4. They grind the beef in house. The hot dog was a standard skinless frank from the popular local supplier but the sauce was pretty popping. Great little stop.

"Michigan" Hot Dog and Cheeseburger at Pataterie Chez Phillipe

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Cadet

After five straight days of hearty meat-centric French-Canadian fare we wanted some seafood. This newish small plate and natural wine spot popped up the night of this need. In a true testament to Montreal's dining depth it was one of the best meals of the trip, and it wasn't even on my radar. For starters we had a fantastic plate of octopus with fried chickpeas and eggplant. We got our seafood in the form of a whole fried sea bass with baby bok choy sitting over ginger noodles. I loved this dish and it's light Asian flavors. Also so as to not suffer meat withdrawal we got a plate of pork belly with chicharron, apricot, and barley. Normally I prefer the belly crisped up but this was insanely tender. The natural wine recs by our waiter were really good as well. Cadet is a spot I'd return to for more.

Dinner at Cadet

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Montreal Pool Room

As I mentioned earlier Montreal'ers love their hot dogs. Or Steamés as they call them. Montreal Pool Room is one of 100's of hot dogs stands in the city but it's also one of the oldest. They've been in business since 1912 and thus have pretty much always been there for locals in need of a late night hot dog fix. Maybe they used to have pool tables, I don't know, but these days I know they don't. Now they may not compare to a perfectly made hot dog in Chicago but I still found a spot in my heart for steamés. Everything on these is diced cabbage, onions, and mustard. Most folks get at least two.

Steamés at Montreal Pool Hall

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Fameux Gyros Elatos

One of the things I noticed in my research was Montreal's love for souvkali. The Greek grilled pork skewers are found all over town. Many spots specializing in them. Every Habs fan has a souvlaki spot. I scouted this old school looking spot in a Greek dominant neighborhood and made my way over on the last day. Elatos is a compact family run Greek counter. It had the feel of a diner. I think it was father, daughter, and son running the place. I originally came here for the souvlaki but when I arrived I was greeted by a huge cone of fresh layered gyro meat. Thus my decision to get a combo plate was an easy one. Both the souvlaki and the gyro rocked. Would've liked a bit less sauce on the gyro so I could really taste the meat straight up but it was still super satisfying. Another good one.

Gyro Sandwich at Souvlaki at Fameux Gyros Elatos

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Lester's Deli

The other smoked meat sandwich that I wanted to check out comes from Lester's Deli. This old school spot has been a part of the heavy Jewish neighborhood since 1951. You can feel the nostalgia upon walking inside. I was tempted by the smoked meat breakfast plate but a sandwich is hard to beat. The typical way to eat a smoked meat is just mustard though some folks get cheese. This was yet another killer sandwich to be found in Montreal. Just fantastic. They have a spot at the airport too.

Smoked Meat Sandwich at Lester's Deli

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St. Viateur Bagel Shop

You knew this one was coming. Reason I waited until the last day to stop here was I wanted to bring the bagels home. I arrived to a pretty tame shop but within three minutes the place was packed. St. Viateur has been making their wood fired Montreal bagels since 1957. There's an argument to be made that it's the number one attraction in the city. Just realize that they only sell bagels. I think they have a fridge with cream cheese and such but you'll have to make your bagel sandwiches on your own. Montreal bagels are a bit sweeter than their NY counterparts. I'm not a hardcore bagel guy so I cant comment on which style is better. I can just share my thought on these which is pretty good! Like so many other famous food stops St. Viateur has a dueling competitor in the nearby Fairmont Bagel. I stopped there after going into St. Viateur but there was a huge line and I had to go pack.

Bagels at St. Viateur Bagel Shop

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Montreal's Chinatown

After packing up we had an hour or so to chill. So I walked over to the Chinatown area which we had only Ubered through earlier. With it being the weekend there were quite a few people out and about eating noodles, dumplings, and such. I ended up stopping at a spot called Qinghua which specialized in dumplings. Actually I was surprised by how many specialty dumpling shops Montreal has. This one wasn't at the top of my list as reviews were mixed. But the spots I wanted to try weren't in Chinatown so this was my fallback. Not bad but I felt what others were saying in that there's better.

Dumplings at Qinghua Dumplings

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Note: To find the locations of all the spots featured in this post, as well as places I didn't make it to, please click HERE for my google maps guide to Montreal. Stay tuned for Quebec City.

Source: http://chibbqking.blogspot.com/2018/12/eating-big-in-montreal.html

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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ajadelight · 6 years ago

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Cell Phone Affair - Part Two

Amanda left the bus stop laughing to herself about John’s reaction. She made her way through the park, rounded a corner and saw a line of people waiting for service from a food vendor. Art’s Breakfast Bagels - Your Way, his sign announced. She danced her way along the line until she caught the attention of a fabulous dress woman. She stopped and looked at her with sad eyes. “What’s your problem?” the woman asked. “Hunger for one. It’s been two days since I ate last. Other than that, some jerk stole my cell phone and I need to call my sister to get picked up for a party tomorrow. I always attend family parties, even if they don’t like me. At least they feed me well.” The woman frowned and shook her head. “I swear! Don’t they teach you anything at school? Did you graduate?” “Yes, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. Would you be kind and let me use your cell phone. I promise I won’t run away with it.” “You want a sandwich also?” “That would be nice, but I won’t bother you about that. I’ll find something later or hit the free soup kitchen for lunch.” The woman groaned and got her cell phone from her purse. She handed it to her and then hooked a finger in a belt loop of her jeans. “It might break, but it will slow you down enough for me to grab you and knock a knot on your head.” Amanda gave her a huge smile. “Cool.” She dialed a number and waited. “Hey, Susan. Sorry I had to use someone else’s phone. Mine got stolen. What do I want? I want to see you on Saturday at noon at the water fountain in Walton Park. Why? Because you’re a coward and I’m tired of it all. You’re a great woman to sleep with, but enough is enough. If you don’t show and discuss it with me, I’m going to the Walton Post and come out of the closet and drag you with me. Maybe you’re joking about what you’re doing, but I’m not. I’m serious and you’re hurting me by treating me like a piece of shit. So, be there at noon on Saturday or prepare for exposure in the papers! It’s not right for you to play with my feelings and emotions and think you can walk all over me. You spend 6 months being intimate with me and now you want to be my friend and say it’s all my mistakes for loving you? Yes. I said noon on Saturday at the fountain in Walton Park. You’d better keep that date, woman! I love kissing your ass, but this time I’ll kick it and kick it good! Goodbye.” She disconnected the call and handed the phone back to the woman. “Thanks. That was mighty kind of you. You have a wonderful day now.” “Whoa! Are you okay? What the hell was that? Was that your sister or some other family member?” Amanda frowned. “No. I wouldn’t be doing no lesbian love with a family member. That was Susan. She came on to me and I tried it once and found I like it and I liked her. For 6 sweet months, it was bliss and she kept insinuating and hinting that she wanted a very long-term relationship. I opted to accept because the love and everything with her was so real. Then wham. She’s out of my life and it’s my fault, but she can’t tell me why? All I did was love her. Bitch.” “In that case, I agree with you. But why my cell phone? Oh, I get it. If you used yours, she’d never answer. Bitch. I hope she calls me back. I’ll add my icing for her cake and grind it in her face. You might be down-and-out, but you’re attractive and you’ve got a good heart and personality. You probably deserve better than her, but I’ll let you make up your own mind on that. And you have a good day also.” “I will now. Thanks. Will you come to the park on Saturday at noon to support me?” “I’ll be there. I’ll rearrange everything to get there and help you. She has me riled up now.”

Amanda walked away, nibbling on an Everything Bagel with cream cheese, compliments of Danielle, and feeling good. She came across a taxi stand and people were lined up, getting inside yellow cars like lemmings jumping off cliffs. She walked past them dancing and humming and stopping occasionally to play some guitar and bow for their applause.

She approached the 7th person in line, a man wearing dress pants and a long-sleeved blue striped shirt with no tie. She waited until he finished his call and put on her pitiful, helpless look and waved timidly. “Excuse me, sir. I’m down on my luck now. A wonderful angelic woman back the street bought me a bagel to calm my hungry stomach. Some jerk stole my cell phone and I need to make an important call. I know that look. It’s not important to you, but it is to me. I’m supposed to be in Rantoul in 30 minutes to babysit for a cousin who’s paying cash and I’m not going to make it. Unless you want to give me a ride and detour to Rantoul before you go to where you’re going. Where are you going?” “To work. I work odd hours at the ice factory, like from 10 to 6 4 days a week and 12 hours on Saturday.” “No rest for the weary and overburdened. So, will you give a ride or I could use your cell phone and let my cousin know I’m not going to make it.” He looked her up and down and handed her his cell phone. “You might be down, but you look too good to ride with you in a taxi right now. Help yourself until it’s my turn.” “Thanks, dude.” She pressed the last-call function, highlighted the number and pressed call. “Hey, honey. What’s up with you today? Do you miss me that much?” “Not really. Don’t tell me I got the wrong number again. You don’t sound familiar. Who is this?” “This is Jean and you have the right number. It came up Clyde on the Caller ID. What are you doing with his phone?” “Using it. That should be obvious without asking unless you’re a slow learner. Are you?” “NO! Who are you?” “I’m Amanda Collins. And you?” “I’m Jean! I told you that already! What are you doing with my husband?” “Oh, him. I’m probably doing the same thing that you’re doing, but I’m doing it a little, no, a whole lot better than you.” “What?” “You didn’t know that? Don’t tell me you’re one of those women who take life for granted. You know, like after you say, ‘I do,’ you can slack off and wear granny dresses and curlers to bed and everything is all paradise. I got news for you, honey. That’s not the way it works. You have any kids?” “NO! And when I get my hands on you, you won’t ever have them either! Give him back the phone!” “Not yet. I’m not done and it’s rude to try to end the conversation early.” “You’re pissing me off, woman!” “Oh well. I enjoy golden showers on occasion. Tell you what, meet me at the fountain in Walton Park at noon on Saturday and we’ll take turns pissing on each other while the cameras roll.” “Give him the damned phone, woman! Now!” “Or what? Do you know where I am? Do you know where your husband is? I do.” “Give it to him.” “Here? You want me to give it to him here?” “What are you doing?” asked Clyde, finally stopping his gaze and daydream and paying attention. “I don’t know, but this strange woman wants me to kiss you at a minimum, right here.” She stepped close and kissed him without moving the phone. “Wow! You do kiss very well. That was so good, I’d like a repeat. Come on. We still have time before we reach the taxi platform.” “What are you doing? I’ll kick your ass, bitch!” yelled Jean. “Just got a couple of great kisses from Clyde. Wow! Got a little worked up on them. But thanks. I appreciate that opportunity.” “You’re welcome,” Clyde said. “Who are you talking to?” “I’m talking to some woman named Jean. Do you know her?” “My wife? What are you doing, crazy woman?” “I’m doing what she said to do. Here, ask her if you don’t believe me. “Jean, what the hell are you doing? Did you tell her to kiss me?” “Yes, I think, I said give it to him, or you, but I didn’t know it was really you. She’s confusing. Who the hell is she?” “I don’t know. I’m waiting for a taxi to go to the train station and she just stopped out of nowhere.” “Then put her on the damned phone again!” “Hello? This is Amanda. What can I do for you?” “Besides drop dead, what are you doing?” “Enjoying some great phone sex. I think this is the foreplay part. Kind of kinky, but very exciting. What do I do next?” “Get ready for a fight, bitch! Where do we meet?” “At noon on Saturday by the fountain in Walton Park. Do you know where that is?” “Yes, I know where that is?” “But not where your husband is?” “Stop it!” “Sounds like you did a long time ago. That’s a shame. He has a lot to offer.” “That does it! I’ll be at the park at noon and at 12:05, you will die!” “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, like saying ‘I Do’ in a chapel or elsewhere and not holding yourself to it.” “Tell me that after I hold your head under water for 10 minutes, waterlogged heathen bitch.” “Yada-yada-yada,” said Amanda. She handed Clyde the phone. “She hung up on me. I’ve never been that rude to anyone in my life. And she hung up on me. She lays into me with all those threats and it’s my fault? I don’t think so. Anyway, you’re up next. You have a great day and see if you can get Jean to enroll in Anger Management classes. It might improve your marriage.” He slid the phone back in his coat pocket. “You’re fucking unreal! Do you know that? How can you do that to people? Why hasn’t someone killed you before now?” She shrugged. “I don’t know. It must be my angel-like face and personality. Are you coming to the park with her on Saturday? One of us will be the kicked and one will be the kicker.” “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, weird woman.”

#short story

0 notes

sanfranciscoyoginigypsy · 7 years ago

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Love and friends is all we need

my life is so good honestly like all of it.

I have great memories and experiences and relationship with my brother and wouldn't change it for the world, and when I listen to Zeppelin, I feel him still here, in my heart.

& damn I still have the same kick ass friends I had in Highschool and I had such great high school memories, and tomorrow is going to be like a high school reunion but except it’s with all my closest and favorite people ever instead of high school lol. It’s so beautiful, all my musician friends that were just starting as musicians each have their own show now and I'm so excited to see them play tomorrow!! Jake & Zach’s band= modular sun, Sam’s band with FUCKING JOHNNIE AND BRANDON FUCK IM SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM FUCK , and lakehouse with my former band john and dillion before I moved. SO fucking stoked. and collin, zane, caryna, cameron, liz, literally fuck just all the cool people will be there and it'll feel like a birthday party honestly I'm so fucking excited dude like i cant even sleep tonight. and today was so good, i did some good yoga and ate some good food i ate berries and a vegan protein shake my dad gave me and a sandwich with kale and spinach and lettuce and pickles and mustard and avocado it was so damn good and i ran from Zilker to south congress and had so much fun on my own and these guys said damn u looking good girl and that made me feel so fucking good about it and i did feel so great.. I love Austin, it was so beautiful today sunny and everyone was out walking on a monday afternoon. Akashi picked me up and we went to bouldin cafe its a vegan cafe then went to a guitar pawn shop then i drove home to my beuaitufl family and house and jammed to hendrix funk and zeppelin then zane picked me up and e went to monkey nest cafe and i had green tea and he had a macchiato and then we saw disaster movie BUT he payed for everything and I'm wondering if it was a date i have no idea he was being super nice and it looked like he wanted to hold my hand in the theaters like he had his hand like literally in my space in my seat and it was open but dude i dont know if this guy has a girlfriend still like the pics they posted were only like a few weeks ago and he has her picture in his wallet but idk friends to pay for each other i dont think and dillion did the same thing where he paid for us both for a movie and art museum and food but idk i just feel like my life is a movie and what i want out of it in the future is happening now like i can easily be a yoga teacher at the ashram rn and like people i haven't see in a while we are uniting and having fun and I'm being taken out on dates by a portion of my friend group (guys) from my senior year in high school and me and brendon went to see a kick ass punk show last night where we moshed and damn we talked about how for their senior graduation we saw fucking metallica and damn i have so many good memories and I'm only making more now i cant wait for tomorrow and theres so many people iw ant to see and hang out with i need to make a list and plan this week since its my last freaking week): no regrets though i spent time with family and had a lot of fun .. my dad wants to run downtown with me tomorrow and carina wants to take pics and today kevin wanted to do a photoshoot with me honestly its soo good here and right now i cant believe it like I'm having so much fun like overnight last week i went to shows bc of free week and saw so much talent and just damn its so good and me and collin confessed our attraction to each other and i miss him i haven't seen him in a while but he's another sweet guy that pays for everything and is super talented and i cant wait to see tomorrow i just cant believe it like time goes by and i still have the same friends and we are escalating in life like zane is going to paramedic school and i ran into him at golds gym and he just emsaged me he's still cheesing and wants to spend so much time with me before he leaves and I'm glad he enjoys my presence for who i am like i dont hold back and I'm just having so much fun and now tomorrow me and caryna are going to north loop but damn I'm gonna have to cancel on my dad on that run but maybe i can make it up to him for lunch on wednesday or something and we can run on like a saturday and go out to eat ?? or maybe we can do north loop on a weekend?? hmm ill figure it out but i seriously feel like my life is a movie like i have two homes and two families in two bad ass cities and i want to start blogging more and maybe getting a more serious structure and type with my blog 1.9.17

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amazynazyn · 7 years ago

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