re-watching the second episode of leverage and wondering, for the first time, how much of a revelation nathan ford's crusade was for eliot spencer.
did he have any plan, before then? any path forward that brought him closer to where he wanted to be? or was he stuck in a holding pattern, figuring that retrieval work for rich people who weren't damien moreau was as close to becoming a better man as he could ever reach?
how much did it mean to him, do you think, to be given the opportunity to do some good in the world again?
obviously he's of the opinion he'll never be redeemed, and he's not wrong, per se. but I'm suddenly curious about the internal journey there, for him, in the early days. do you think it was like a gentle dawn finally breaking? do you think it was a relief? or was it terrifying? realizing that he could actually do better, that what he chose to do next actually mattered?
no wonder eliot never abandoned nathan ford, despite all possible provocation. how could he ever betray or desert the man who gave him a hand up out of the darkness, who showed him there was still a path forward?
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Dislike it when I see a post making a good point about romantic relationships not being necessary from an aro perspective and then the rest of the post is about friendships.
Especially in a way where it just feels like they replaced romantic relationships with platonic ones.
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I try to generally be constructive and engaged with the show I love on here, so on this day, I’ll just say that one of the most thematically important aspects for me from the original ATLA is Aang’s emotional core of real shame for running away when he was hurt by the monk’s decision to send him away. People who feel the kind of deep-seated shame that Aang feels from this decision can understand how that kind of all-encompassing shame is not built around a simple failure or a lie they tell themselves; it’s constructed from real misbehaviors and transgressions of their own sense of ethics—lashing out, telling lies, attempting to hurt others intentionally—that then have consequences (abuses, abandonments, or deaths) which seem to far exceed their expectations or even basic logic.
The combination of the misbehavior with exaggerated existential punishments (along with a lack of support and amend-making in the immediate wake of the events) is what transforms a sense of guilt (I fucked up) into shame (I am a forever fuck-up). Then shame, that sense of being a secret monster ‘no matter what I do or how good everyone thinks I am,’ invites all the avoidance strategies (Aang puts on big smiles, makes lots of jokes, constantly tries to make everyone happy, hops from town to town without building deeper connections). One doesn’t want to acknowledge one’s true feelings or let others in to see those feelings and experiences because it’s too painful to face the grief at the same time that you have to look at yourself for being responsible—even when you recognize it wasn’t totally your fault. It’s just that if you had just been good, less emotional, less human, then maybe the world wouldn’t be so messed up. Of course, in a zen view of things, the world will always be messed up in the same way it will always be beautiful. These are constant facts that always coexist in balance, and this is the truth that Aang learns and that undergirds the whole series.
So I always loved that Aang ran away. It was his sin and his salvation. And it becomes this constant tension for the series—he gets hurt in Bato of the Water Tribe and starts to run away from Katara and Sokka, he runs away to the Guru in the Crossroads of Destiny and his best friend is attacked, he and the gaang retreat after the Day of the Black Sun failure, he runs away to meditation in Sozin’s Comet when everyone wants him preparing for war. Aang’s reluctance to be a hero and the attachments and petulance for which he gets criticized are what metamorphasize to become his most noble attributes. They allow him to empathize with others shame and, ultimately, wield the kind of compassion that can deconstruct the power and perfectionism of imperialism.
So yes, Aang ran away from his temple 100 years ago. It wasn’t the mentally healthy choice. It wasn’t the ethical choice. It wasn’t the wise choice. It was human and emotional and shameful and real. Aang is a better character for it. ATLA is a better show because of it. And we are better people when we understand these kind of tragic emotional experiences that people are trying so hard to grow through.
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