#Jimmy. He thought he was helping by being honest but it just made Jimmy panic harder and flip on him because Jimmy doesnt plan like Curly o | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years ago

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There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them”.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

#submission #laucy timeline #amazing #thanks you buddy #camren #f anon

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childrenofthenightt · 4 years ago

Text

only the black rose (chapter 5)

pairing: jimmy page x layla porter (oc)

warnings: talks of parental abandonment, off-scene injury, drug use (legal!), fluff, and me waxing poetic about one of my favourite books. and more fluff.

words: 3.1k

summary: in the blink of an eye, it’s 1975 and layla’s suddenly joining led zeppelin for their north american tour. throughout the chaos, the band take a liking to her, she builds friendships with the boys, and love blossoms. but all good things must come to an end.

author’s note: this one wrote itself. i expected to take longer with it cause of this. this is the start of the Chaos seen in the 1975 North American tour, so hold onto your hats and enjoy! congrats! you’ve unlocked layla’s tragic backstory! unbeta’d as always, and here’s the link to the playlist :)

masterlist

playlist

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

----------

Soon enough, the band make their way home, basking in the golden glow of a couple of excellent shows. It’s only a matter of days until the start of the North American tour, and the excitement is palpable. The boys find themselves at the studio, running through some last-minute tour details, accompanied by a certain brunette firecracker, who sits reading comfortably in the lobby.

Layla, sitting on a luxurious couch just outside of the meeting room, is drowning in a hardcover book, consuming every word at a ravenous pace. The sound of pages flipping periodically is accompanied by the light din of voices detailing the upcoming tour. Lost in the story in front of her, she is surprised when she hears a person clearing their throat, seemingly right in front of her. Looking up, she spots the secretary of Swan Song Records, a woman with glasses and long brown hair ran through with gray, pinned up in a low bun. Light freckles dusted her cheeks. Judging by the crow’s feet at the corners of her hazel eyes, the secretary had to have been older than Layla, perhaps around 50, though her bright smile gave the impression of youth.

“Sorry to interrupt, Miss… I just couldn’t help but notice the book you were reading. I don’t see many fans of the classics around here, especially ones so young.”

Recovering from the shock of being ripped out of the hypnotising story she was wrapped up in, Layla gestures to the seat next to her. With a bright smile, the secretary smoothes down her pencil skirt, and sits down.

“My mother was a literature buff, and it seems she’s passed that down to me! My name’s Layla. You’re Evelyn, right?”

“Y-Yes, I am! How do you…”

“Well, I had to put a name to the lovely secretary that gives me a smile whenever I see her. Makes my day, if I’m being honest.”

“You’re too sweet, darling,” Evelyn says, lips turning up warmly, eyes dancing with joy. “If I may, what are your thoughts on the book? It’s a personal favourite of mine, and it’s always nice to hear new opinions.”

“Well,” Layla starts, lighting up as she speaks. “Wilde’s language paints such a beautiful, vivid picture, and the characters are so interesting, even if they aren’t morally likeable, most of the time. They make mistakes… Many mistakes… but we sympathize with them.”

At this, Layla cups her hand around her mouth, whispering to Evelyn mischievously, as if what she was about to say was the world’s most important secret.

“It’s a favourite of mine too.”

The two women laugh, Evelyn’s hand falling across Layla’s arm, a comforting, grounding weight. Evelyn, with a warm smile gracing her face, crow’s feet as prominent as ever, sends a pang of longing into Layla’s heart. Not for love, but for her old life. Her friends worried out of their minds over her disappearance; her mother, left alone not once, but twice. Her father had left when she was a child, and it had been her and her mother ever since. Layla learned to put up walls, so that she’d never be hurt like that again. They all leave in the end. It’s better that way. Better not to get attached. Better not to get hurt.

“That’s a lovely interpretation, Layla. You know,” Evelyn says, interrupting Layla’s train of thought. “For someone so young, you have an old soul. Wise beyond your years, for sure.”

“You have no idea…”

“Well, I must get to work, darling,” Evelyn claps her hands together, and stands up, resting a hand on Layla’s arm once more. “I’d love to chat again, though. Such refreshing opinions from such a young woman. I’ll let you get back to your book.”

“I would love to! We’ll make plans soon, I promise. Have a wonderful day, Evelyn!” With that, Layla opens the novel, and is taken once again by the current of the story. Minutes pass, until Layla is interrupted once more, this time by a soft press of lips against the crown of her head.

“Everything alright, Layla?”

“Of course, Jim,” Layla says, reaching out to grasp Jimmy’s hand in return. “How did the meeting go?”

“Well, you were right outside the door, I’m surprised you didn’t eavesdrop,” He takes a seat beside her, and reaches down to tap at the book still nestled in Layla’s hand, her finger keeping the page. “You were too engrossed in this, I bet. What are you reading anyways?”

Layla lifts the book to show the cover, which is a slightly worn navy blue, with golden accents in the form of small droplets. In metallic lettering, read ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’.

“Oscar Wilde, hey? Wouldn’t have pegged you for a lover of the classics.”

“I spent my teenage years with Austen and Dickens, after all.”

“I didn’t think you were that old.”

Layla rolls her eyes, a fond look upon her features. Smiling at the man in front of her, she puts a hand to his cheek.

“Yeah, I’m a real cradle-robber.”

“Just make sure my mum doesn’t hear about this relationship: she’ll have a fit.”

“I’ll be careful, angel,” Layla laughs, putting a pensive finger to her chin. “Hey, Jimmy? Do you have a good relationship with your parents?” Jimmy smiles wide at the question and nods, dark curls bobbing at the movement. He absentmindedly takes Layla’s hand in his, rubbing his thumb in soft circles across her wrist.

“My parents… They’ve always been very supportive of me in every way, and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to find a way to thank them,” Jimmy squeezes her hand briefly, meeting her eyes. “You know, I bet they’d love you.”

“Do you really think so?” Layla’s cheeks grow warm, and her lips tilt upwards in a smile that is uncharacteristically shy.

“Of course I do, petal,” Jimmy says, pushing a fallen lock of hair behind Layla’s ear, his touch featherlight. “How about you? What are your parents like?”

“Well… My dad… He left us when I was young, so it’s been me and my mom ever since,” This is marked with a moment of silence, and Layla’s eyes meet her shoes, pointedly not looking at Jimmy. “My mom’s probably the strongest person I’ve ever met, and I truly can’t thank her enough for everything she’s done for me. She’s my best friend.”

The silence continues, until Layla feels a calloused finger at her jaw, lifting her chin. Finally flicking her eyes up to gaze at the guitarist, she’s shocked by the concern and sadness she sees in those emerald green eyes.

“Petal, I…”

“Jim, it’s fine. It—”

“It’s not fine, Layla. It’s not. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve that. Either of you.” Jimmy pulls her into a tight hug, long arms wrapping around her, making her feel safe. They stay like this for what feels like hours, breaking apart slowly.

“Jimmy, I… Thank you.”

“Of course. Now, how about you read me some of that book of yours?”

Layla laughs brightly, albeit a little watery, and smiles at Jimmy, eyes shining with gratitude. Shuffling, she positions herself in his lap, legs hanging off the end of the couch as his arm comes to rest across her back, holding her steady against his chest. She opens the book, dog-earing the corner of the page she was reading, before flipping back to the start.

“Petal, as much as I like this, I thought we were gonna take it slow? I don’t think public places are the best idea to… Well…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jimmy,” Layla says, smirk gracing her face as she speaks. “You just make a very comfortable chair.”

Jimmy’s laugh is music to her ears, and she presses a light kiss to his cheek. Focusing on the book in her hand, she begins to read:

“The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden, there came through the open door the heavy scent of the lilac, or the more delicate perfume of the pink-flowering thorn.”

----------

‘Was it all true? Had the portrait really changed? Or had it been simply his own imagination that had made him see a look of evil where there had been a look of joy?’

The next day had arrived, and Layla sits at her kitchen table, enraptured once again by the writings of Oscar Wilde. The words on the page enchant her, and she has no desire to put the novel down anytime soon. She’d have to tell Evelyn all about it, the next time she sees her.

‘Surely a painted canvas could not alter? The thing was absurd. It would serve as a tale to tell Basil some day. It would make him smile. And, yet, how vivid was his recollection—’

A shrill ringing pulls her out of the carefully crafted narrative of Dorian Gray. Layla huffs, annoyed at the intrusion, and moves to pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Layla! Hi, good to hear from you, hope you’re having a great day so far! Lovely weather we’re having, hey?” The slightly nasal voice of one Robert Plant, crackles through the phone, and Layla sighs at his exuberance.

“Robert, hey. What is it?”

“Uh… Please don’t freak out. It’s really not that bad, and everyone is… mostly… fine?”

“Rob—”

This is followed by a noise in the background, a sort of crackle, as if Robert had shifted the phone to his other hand. Layla can hear the way his breath picks up, the way panic seeps into his voice. “Just a heads up that we’ll be at your place in about… 10 minutes! See you then!”

“What is going on? I was reading, I’m really not in the mood for—”

Another crackle, and a sigh from Robert’s end of the line. Layla runs a hand through her hair, biting her lip in an attempt to quell the panic rising in her throat.

“Promise me you won’t freak out, little dove.”

Layla exhales sharply through her nose, unimpressed at the plea of the man on the other line. Coiling the telephone cord around her finger to calm her nerves, she responds.

“Fine, I’m not gonna freak out. Now, tell me what happened.”

“Well… Um… Jimmy, well, he kinda… got his… finger slammed in a train door?”

“...”

“Layla? Are you still there?”

“How?!”

“I told you not to freak out…”

“Robert!” Layla exclaims, concern painted clearly on her flushed face.

“Okay, okay, he told us he was holding the door open for someone on the way to Swan Song, and well… You know the rest.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

Another sigh sounds from the other line, and Layla waits in anticipation for his response, growing anxious with each passing moment. Finally, she hears the man’s response, and deflates with relief, sinking into the chair beside her.

“He should be fine. Like I said before, we’re gonna come get you right away. He��ll be okay, Layla.”

“Okay…Robert?”

“Yes, little dove?

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Robert chuckles lightly, bringing a smile to Layla’s face, the undercurrent of anxiety still coursing through her. She thinks it will stay that way, until she sees Jimmy, makes sure he’s okay. “We’ll be there in 10 minutes. Sit tight, Layla.”

Layla sits at the kitchen table, biting her thumbnail, mind elsewhere, until she hears the telltale sound of a car pulling up, engine cutting out. Flying out the door, She spots Jonesy in the driver’s seat, Bonzo next to him, with Robert in the back. Opening the door, she sits next to the blond, and he gazes over at her, putting a hand to her shoulder. Sympathy flashes across his face as he takes in the shocked look Layla’s sporting.

“He’ll be okay, Layla. He will.”

“Robert, I… Jonesy, please, just drive?”

“Right.”

The engine rumbles to life, and they’re off, no doubt speeding to whatever hospital Jimmy’s holed up in. Layla lets her thoughts drift to Jimmy. She wonders how he’s doing, if he’s in any pain, if they’re treating him well. She’s distracted enough that she barely feels Robert’s hand, warm and comforting, on her knee. Layla is snapped out of her thoughts by a particularly sharp turn, and she looks up at Robert, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Rob… What if he’s… not okay? It was his finger. That means that he might not be able to play, if it’s bad enough,” She stammers, eyes frantic in their search of the blond’s face. “His guitar is his life, and—”

“Layla, calm down. It’ll be okay. It won’t do us any good to think like that.” Robert leans over, throwing his arm around her shoulder as best he could in the cramped car. To his surprise, she leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Layla unconsciously brings a hand up to bite her thumbnail, and catching the action, Robert places his hand on hers, pushing it back down to rest in her lap. They stay that way until the car rolls to a stop in the hospital parking lot. Layla lifts her head from Robert’s shoulder with breakneck speed, scrambling out of the car.

“Layla, wait!” Jonesy calls out, running after the woman, who dashes through the door. Robert and Bonzo catch up, just as Layla reaches the front desk, panting from exertion. The nurse on shift looks at her, eyes wide, shocked at the display.

“Excuse me, love,” Bonzo says, tucking Layla under his arm as he speaks to the nurse. “We’re looking for James Page? He was brought in for a fractured finger, I believe?”

“...Yes, right. What is your relationship with the patient?”

“We’re his bandmates, we can call our manager if you need proof. Please, we just need to see if he’s okay.”

The nurse eyes the group dubiously, and grabs the chart sitting next to her, looking through it. Glancing at the group again, she points behind them, to a room packed with seats, posters and pamphlets lining the walls.

“It seems that Mr. Page is still with the doctor getting X-rayed, so I’m going to need you to take a seat in the waiting area. Give that manager of yours a call, and we’ll see what we can do for you.”

“Thank you, love.” Bonzo says, as he herds the group over to the soft, patterned armchairs, plopping down with a sigh. Jonesy excuses himself to make a phone call to Peter, the others left waiting for news that won’t come fast enough.

Jimmy has to be okay. He has to.

----------

“For James Page?” The nurse’s voice rings out across the waiting area, and the group shoot up from their seats, stiff backs groaning in protest. “Follow me.”

The nurse leads them through a labyrinth of hallways, stopping finally at a room with a large 164 pasted on the closed door. Through the window looking into the room, Layla spots Jimmy asleep under the covers, his hands atop the sheets, resting on his stomach. He looks peaceful, she thinks, like he’s devoid of pain. If she couldn’t see the injured hand at all, she’d have thought he was perfectly fine.

The group finally walk into the room, the sharp smell of antiseptic burning their nostrils. Hearing the click of the door opening, Jimmy opens his eyes, pupils blown wide. His irises are almost black, and he sends them a dopey smile, a giggle bursting out.

“Hey, guys. Fancy seeing you all here.” Jimmy slurs, laughing harder now, as though he had told the most hilarious joke in the world. The boys join in, amused by the antics of their guitarist. Layla hangs back, staring at Jimmy, concern clear on her face. She had spotted the injured finger on the way in, which was already bruised a deep purple, the fingernail completely blackened.

“They give you the good stuff, Pagey?”

“You know it, Jonesy.” Jimmy shoots the bassist a sloppy wink, and the group erupts into soft laughter once more. Taking a dazed glance around the room, the raven-haired man pouts, completely endearing in his drugged state. “Hey… where’s Layla?”

Peter, who had been standing next to the bed, moves aside, and glassy green met warm brown. The guitarist smiles softly, relaxing back into the pillows. He sticks out his uninjured hand, and she walks closer to take it. Never lessening her grip, Layla threads the fingers of her free hand through Jimmy’s messy curls, and looks down at him fondly.

“How’re you doing, champ?”

“Good, now that you’re here. I would kiss you right now… if I wasn’t seeing two of you.”

“They must have him on the really good stuff…” Layla throws over her shoulder, looking back at the injured guitarist. He’s looking up at her with unabashed affection, and she can’t help but blush at the adoration in his gaze.

“Sorry to interrupt,” comes from the open doorway, as Jimmy’s doctor steps through. “I’m Dr. Vane, I treated James when he came in. If you’d kindly step out for a moment, I’d like to go over his prognosis.”

The boys file out of the room, and Layla goes to follow, stopped in her tracks by Jimmy tugging her back towards him with a whimper. She gives in, sinking back down in the chair at his bedside.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Jimmy. I was so scared when Robert called. I thought...”

“I’m glad you’re here, petal. Now, come into bed with me. I want to see you better.” Jimmy mutters, scooting over to make room for her to fit in the small hospital bed. Layla laughs, nodding, and crawls in beside him, careful not to hurt him. She turns on her side, her hand landing in his hair again. Jimmy looks up at her, pupils still dilated, and presses a quick peck on her lips, giggling anew.

“You’re so beautiful. Have I ever told you that you’re beautiful? ‘Cause you are.” He insists, slurred speech returning in full force, his eyes fluttering closed.

“Go to sleep, Jimmy. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He hums softy in response and a few seconds later, Jimmy’s breathing evens out. He’s dead to the world. Through the door left ajar, Layla can hear snippets of the conversation with the doctor.

“... Fractured the tip of his finger… At least a month.”

“Will he be able to play anytime soon?” That was Peter, voice soft with worry for the frail man in the hospital bed.

“He should rest… Not good to put too much strain on it… Keeping him here until the anaesthetic wears off.”

Tuning them out, Layla looks down at the man sleeping beside her. His hair is matted on one side of his head, and he snores louder than he’d ever admit, but he looks peaceful. He’s not in any pain, and that’s enough for Layla. She drifts off, as the sound of footsteps against the floor draw near. Her tired eyes open to slits, and she sees a shadow with dark, shoulder-length and a beard. It must be Bonzo, she thinks. The last thing Layla hears before succumbing to the exhaustion that plagues her, is the drummer’s soothing voice, hushed to a whisper.

“Let them sleep.”

----------

taglist: @jimmys-zeppelin @salixfragilis @timetraveller4 (let me know if you want to be added!)

#only the black rose #led zeppelin #jimmy page #jimmy page fanfiction #jimmy page fanfic #led zeppelin fanfic #classic rock fanfic #jimmy x oc

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lizstiel · 4 years ago

Text

[1k words, implied dean/cas (kind of) but mostly I rewatched The Rapture and had a lot of feelings about Jimmy Novak and then watched Lucifer Rising and lost my entire goddamn mind, so.]

“Jimmy.” Castiel says, pleading for something he doesn’t have a name for. His façade breaks, starts to crumble, and Jimmy sees the light bleeding through the cracks -- interlocking wheels of flame, thousands of eyes all wide and afraid; a shifting, everchanging beast barely contained inside Jimmy’s borrowed body.

And -- it’s crying. “What do I do?”

“Angel inside you, it’s kind of like being chained to a comet.”

That had been true for the first year, but when he begs Castiel to take him instead of Claire, something changes. Jimmy Novak is consumed by a white hot, everlasting light, but there’s no pain in it. Instead there’s only a softness, a gentle hum. There are an incalculable number of hands, and they all handle him like something precious, something fragile, as they tuck him away somewhere deep inside of Castiel’s grace.

And it’s there that he sleeps.

Until one day, when his eyes flutter open to see thin white clouds moving across a too-blue sky. A gentle summer breeze hushes over the tall grass he’d been sleeping in, tickling at the exposed skin of his arms where they’re pillowed behind his head. When he sits up, he notices a massive tree growing towards the sun; its crooked, gnarled branches reaching desperately for the light. Underneath the tree he sees himself, tensed like a bowstring ready to snap, staring up at the same too-blue sky.

“Castiel?” The angel doesn’t move for so long that Jimmy is afraid he hadn’t heard him, but just as he’s opening his mouth to try again, Castiel turns and faces him with an expression so openly ruined that Jimmy feels his breath catch in his throat. “What’s wrong?”

Castiel’s eyes are wide and afraid, shining with unshed tears. His throat works, his mouth opens and closes, but no sounds come out. “Jimmy,” he says finally, shaking his head as if to clear it. “I don’t know what to do.”

Castiel reaches for him, and on instinct alone, Jimmy reaches back.

When their fingers touch, he sees it all: the beautiful room, Dean Winchester, Zachariah’s plan and the terrible truth of it. He sees in bright, terrifying flashes what they’d done to Castiel when they took him back to heaven. The pain is unspeakable -- the terror he’d felt as they’d dragged him, kicking and screaming out of Jimmy’s body, is incomprehensible in its enormity.

But then it’s gone, and there is only Dean, his green eyes wide and pleading. You were going to help me once, and help me now, please. The hard line of his shoulders as he turns and walks away. We’re done. And somehow this -- this is even worse. The agony in the pit of Castiel’s stomach, the dreadful pull. The way thousands of years of purpose and righteous fury wavered at the thought of Dean Winchester’s absence. How heaven’s most vigorous conditioning couldn’t hold a flame to the guilt of letting him down. Jimmy knows it for what it is, but Castiel sees it as a dark, yawning chasm he’s perched on the very knife edge of.

And -- it’s crying.

“What do I do?”

People, families, that’s real. He thinks of the first time he’d held Claire in his arms, her tiny, chubby hand barely able to wrap around his finger. She’d blinked open her big blue eyes and in that moment everything had slotted into place for him. He’d always known his faith in God was solid, but his faith in the life he and Amelia had just created was completely unmatched. Nothing could ever compare to that. He’d burn Heaven down himself, if it meant keeping her safe. You’re gonna watch them all burn?

Castiel sees it too, because here there are no walls. Grace and soul bound together, bleeding into one another. “Claire,” Jimmy says, finding his voice. “She’ll die. Amelia, too. They’ll all burn. Is that God’s plan? Is that righteous, Castiel?”

“What if it’s too late?” Castiel bristles, but there’s no real heat to it. “What if we can’t stop it?”

“At least you’ll have tried, Cas.”

“If I do this, we’ll all be hunted. We’ll all be killed.” Castiel levels him with a stare so full of desperation, so full of fear, that Jimmy feels weakened by it, feels himself buckled under its weight. You’ll never get to go home, isn’t said out loud, but it hangs there heavy between them.

“Yeah well, the kid’s kind of a dick, but he’s right.” Jimmy shrugs his shoulders and pitches his voice an octave or two lower in a mock approximation of Dean’s. “If there’s anything worth dying for, or whatever.”

Castiel almost laughs. Jimmy feels it ripple through him like a breath of fresh air, and reaches out to gingerly lay a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “If you’re asking me for my permission Cas, you already have it.” Castiel’s gaze is fixed on the ground, but he relaxes marginally at the touch. Shakes his head back and forth. “And if you’re scared --” Castiel’s eyes snap up to meet his, and there’s a heated, incredulous anger there, like Cas can’t believe the nerve of him. It melts away to something akin to shame the very next second. “Then,” Jimmy continues, softer now. “Don’t be. I’ll be right behind you.”

The resolve settling in Castiel is a visible, tangible thing. He stands up straighter at the spine, and his eyes flash bright and electric. He is lightning before a storm, and the thunder is soon to follow. Jimmy knows he’s made his choice. Still, he doesn’t expect him to whisper, as if it’s the most important piece of wisdom he’s ever imparted in his many eons of life: “Jimmy Novak,” he touches Jimmy’s elbow with the tips of his fingers, smiling serenely. “I have been alive for a very, very long time, but the one thing that never ceases to amaze me -- is the bravery of humans. I,” he looks away, and Jimmy doesn’t miss the glint of tears in his eyes. “I’m honored to have known you at all. Thank you.”

Jimmy’s throat feels tight, but he just gives Cas’ shoulder a congenial push and chuckles wetly. “Wish I could say the same, buddy, but I’ll be honest -- this year has sucked in a big way for me.” Castiel does laugh at that, a quick, low rumble. He flashes him a guilty look but Jimmy waves him off. “What’s done is done, Cas. Just -- let’s not let it be for nothing, huh? Go save the world.”

The air snaps thin around them. It’s time. They share one last look, and then Castiel is gone. Jimmy finds his limbs laden with a sudden exhaustion, and he slides easily back into the swaying grass to rest.

In the end, he doesn’t feel a thing.

He’s sleeping soundly when a sudden flash of panic jolts through him -- as if he were falling from great heights in a dream -- and then hands, so many hands, reaching desperately for him through the darkness.

He reaches back, as the violent light consumes them both.

#mine #my fic #cas #jimmy novak #spn #ah #i hate writing tbh because i end up editing the same paragraph for fuckin two hours #anyway i love jimmy novak #and i listened to way too much murray gold while i wrote this #something about 10 era murray gold music and dramatic ass writing just *clenches fist* does it for me

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thescatterbrainedwriter · 4 years ago

Text

Your Stupid Smile

Word count: ~6,100

Pairings: oc x canon

Warnings: fluff and shenanigans

Sup! I’m actually running out of stories to post. Didn’t think this through too well. Curses to writers block and the fact I write long stories. Even so, do hope you enjoy! 🥔🎨

**Note, Emily is my personal character. I just like to stick her places. I also still have no idea how to do a ‘short click for full’ post.

———

Irritating, simply irritating. Everyone was having a good time, sure, but Nash was having a hard time joining in on the fun. Every time he got close to truly relaxing and enjoying the company around him, he would hear it, that laugh. Of course, once he heard the laugh he had to see where it originated from, and it was always the same face. That stupid face and that stupid smile. He couldn’t stand that smile, and he didn’t want to admit to himself the reason why it bothered him so much.

The team was in the lounge enjoying the company of each other after a long day. Cisco was telling a story, Barry and Iris adding tidbits here and there, and the more elaborate and ridiculous it became the more laughs rang out. By the end of it everyone was rolling and roaring with laughter which only intensified after a stray loud squeak sounded. Emily covered her mouth in embarrassment before folding over the bar counter in laughter again. “I’m sorry!” She breathed trying to apologize between laughs. “I don’t know where that came from!” She covered her face in an attempt to wipe away the tears now rolling down her rosy face. “Oh no, my face sprung a leak!” Everyone continued giggling and Ralph stretched his hand over to her to deliver a tissue. She took it with a mousy thanks wiping her face. Nash was trying his hardest to keep from looking at her, he already made the mistake of just glancing over and he scowled to himself about the flush slowly spreading up his neck.

“Hey Estrata,” Cisco called after composing himself a degree. “You got any stories to share?”

“Yeah,” Ralph agreed. “You almost never share anything. Think you could drop the mysterious facade for a night?” Emily had one arm draped over her head and held her cheek with her other hand as she thought. “Hmmm..... I dunno,” she teased. “I’m not exactly good at sharing, things about me anyway.”

“There’s room for only one queen of ice,” Frost defended. “Quit giving the cold shoulder and fess up would ya?” Emily gave a growly sigh as she seriously considered the plethora of things buried within. “Ok fine,” she relented. “You make a good case, and Ralph has a point. I’m just, I’m really hesitant to share much. Seeing as I could find myself stranded somewhere else, it gets tiresome re-explaining.” Everyone gets quiet and Emily scratches her head realizing she killed the mood a little. “Eh, I think I have a solution though. Tell me,” she smiled. “What you wanna know? Besiiiides, my name,” she cut Ralph off before he could ask. Everyone chuckled and Nash just smirked.

Frost stared her down thinking intently, Emily actually got nervous with the holes being drilled into her soul with the stare, before she decided on a question. “You don’t look like the type to, but are obviously capable of, doing some not so desirable things. So have you?”

Emily squinted at her before straightening her back and clearing her throat. “Just, just gettin riiiiiiight into it huh?”

“I don’t make a habit of pussyfooting around,” Frost dismissed smirking. Emily patted her cheeks trying to think of a good story to tell while everyone turned 100% of their attention to her, excitedly waiting for whatever secret would come up. “Ok, ok, I got one,” she said smiling. “Believe it or not, but, I’ve had to break out of area 51.”

“You were taken to area 51?!” Barry asked shocked. “How? Why??” Emily flashed another, albeit awkward, smile. “Well, I am a wanted woman back where I come from.”

“Wanted huh?” Frost asked somewhat impressed. “What’d you do to earn that target on your back?”

“Exist,” she said plainly. “What I am, is a very valued product to a group of people. I’m one of a handful, if not the only person, with my genetic makeup.” She sighed making everyone become glum. “They really wanted to study me, poke and prod and see how they could use me and duplicate what I am.”

“Estrata, I didn’t—“ Frost started before Emily waved dismissively. “No, no, it’s fine,” she assured with a smile. “After learning that I decided to make myself the biggest most obnoxious target ever,” she waved her hands in front of her to illustrate as she giggled reminiscing. “I thought to myself, that if they wanted me that badly they’re gonna have to work for it. So I made it my mission to piss them off and kick their collective ass,” she flashed a big smile. “Besides, if they’re busy chasing me and my friends, they can’t go looking for anyone else.”

“Guess that explains all the injuries Caitlyn found,” Frost commented thoughtfully. “And the fact you gave Dr. Wells such a hard time about just coming to the lab in the beginning.”

“Yup! Broken ribs, arms, legs, fractured skull and fingers, I’ve had my stomach punctured straight through at least twice, and my shoulder. Think that one actually broke my shoulder blade to be honest.....” Emily rambled.

“Jeeze....” Ralph said stunned.

“And that’s not counting their penchant for causing neurological damage with all variations for shock collars and tasers,” she listed with a smirk. “I really shouldn’t be smiling but honestly, they’re some serious badges of honor so why not?” They all softened their faces though she could tell they still felt bad. “So anyway, “ she continued, “there I am in the bowels of area 51, strapped to a chair in some interrogation room when two guys in suits come in.” Everyone changed their tune as she gets back into the story, Nash admiring her resourcefulness and determination. As she rambled and gesticulated enhancing the story with her hands, complete with illusions and little animations, Nash couldn’t help but stare even when she smiled bright. Cisco noticed his staring and bumped his arm jostling him enough to break his gaze. He wiggled his eyebrows causing Nash to grumble and avert his gaze from everyone but still listened attentively.

“Soooo, there’s a whole facility underneath?” Barry asked once she finished. “And what we all think is area 51 is just a cover?” Emily nods with a smile. “There’s quite a lot buried underneath. I think the whole desert lot actually.”

“And no one knows about it?” Ralph asked.

“Lots of people know, but the government makes them seem crazy. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t like Eiling all that much, reminded me too much of them.”

“So this, Quazar, or Quinton, was there too?” Frost asked. “Why was he there again?”

Emily paused trying to formulate the sentence as coherently and short as possible without rambling again. “He was the one who gave me my powers. Well, not really gave but, reactivated dormant genes so I could do what I do. It’s how I got the monicker ‘half breed’.” She drifted off in her memories. “We grew close, and I must admit I didn’t handle learning he was an alien well but. We protected each other, and came to care a lot about each other.” She smiled thoughtfully. “He’s my anchor to home. Him and Oliver and Flaer and Jimmy.” Bringing herself back to the present she cleared her throat. “He was there for leverage I guess. Most likely for added study being a pure blood. As long as he was there I would be too, even if I got out I would come back to try and get him out. So I just broke him out right away and messed up their plans.” She flashed a smile lightening the mood of the room.

“Boy, you are just full of mysteries aren’t you?” Ralph asked with a smirk.

“Eeeyup! And I am 100% telling the truth too. I also gave yooouuuu..... three mysteries? Three mysteries an explanation,” she said standing with a stretch. “No more.”

“Just, one more question?” Cisco asked. “Do you miss him? Quinton?”

Emily paused looking at him. “Well yeah, ‘course I do. I get homesick sometimes. I miss everyone back home.” She sighed deeply as her mind wandered a bit. “Sometimes, my relay picks up messages he sends. Takes quite a long time to decompress the file because of barriers and reality changes but, he asks me how I’m doing, gives me updates on what’s going on, tells me to hurry home. But....” She rubs her cheek thinking. “He said..... he said if I ever get stuck somewhere, not to worry about them back home. He would keep everyone safe, and that he wanted me to be happy wherever I landed.” She smiled softly. “So... so I try. I try real hard, to be happy. And make other people happy. And, I guess I do a pretty good job.”

“You do,” Nash commented without thinking. Everyone turned their attention to him, Emily raising an eyebrow and smiling softly. “Huh?” Nash cleared his throat averting his gaze. “I-I mean I’ve noticed, that, everyone enjoys your—your company and. And they, like, having you around.”

“That include you?” She asked. Nash snaps his head to her and makes eye contact, his words momentarily caught in his throat as he begins to panic having been put on the spot. “Speak,” Harry says manifesting beside him. “You need to speak, say something.”

“I mean yeah, I guess,” Nash coughs out. “I certainly don’t find you all that annoying anyway.”

“Probably not the right response....” Harry comments.

Emily frowns a little. “Hmm, well I suppose that’s something.” Nash turns away from her again, Emily cocked an eyebrow noticing his ears turning rather red. She was sure he felt them burning but decided not to press him further.

“She noticed that you know,” Sherloque said manifesting by the bar behind her. Nash looked at him curiously. “What?” He asked.

“I didn’t say anything,” Emily responded taking her seat at the bar again. “Oh, sorry,” Nash apologized. “Thought I heard something. Guess it was nothing more than an auditory hallucination or something.”

“She’s not as oblivious as you think she is,” Sherloque continued. “I guarantee she already knows how you feel, and is just waiting on you to do something about it.” Nash turned away from the bar trying to ignore him, in addition to keep his flush from getting worse. He didn’t want to acknowledge it but it was rather difficult to keep from staring at her or subconsciously follow her around. He grumbled to himself trying to get his mind on something—anything—else. Cisco noticed and smiled mischievously having gotten an idea. “Hey, I remember you saying you attended a spontaneous karaoke session with Harry at one point,” he started. “Think you could sing something?”

“Wait, you sing?” Ralph asked in surprise.

“As a..... hobby.....” Emily said shyly. “I don’t really.... sing in— in public. Much....”

“Why not?” Barry asked. “Caitlyn said I sing pretty well and I never sing in public.”

“She gets carried away,” Nash says still not looking at her. “Least that’s what Harry said. Though, I’m not sure if it’s her or the crowd she sings in front of.”

“It’s, uh, it’s a little of both....” Emily half confirmed.

“How’s that?” Ralph asks intrigued.

“Uhhmmmm.... well.....” Emily fidgets a little. “I’m a bit on the theatrical side. I like my special effects, people like seeing all the flashy stuff and, well, I can get lost in the music. Sometimes.”

“All the time,” Harry comments. “Tell her to sing So Soft by that Carrie woman.”

“Why So Soft?” Nash asks out loud. Emily stiffens and blushes slightly. “What?” she squeaks. Harry smirks. “That’s why.” Nash looks over at her, smile threatening to crack onto his face as she sat there with her cheeks slowly getting rosy. Cisco notices her posture change as well and smiles wide. “I think we may have a winner for song choice.”

“Nu-no, not that,” Emily stammers. GP flies over to her whirring what seemed like a suggestion which only served to make Emily beat red. “I am NOT singing that one!” She near yells. “You should know better than to suggest that.” The drone whirrs again. “That one’s worse, no!”

“I kinda like the idea of worse,” Ralph teases. “What was suggested anyway?” Emily casts her gaze down making her hands into fits and pressing them into her knees. “GP always try to suggest two songs he knows will make me uncomfortable,” she explains. “They’re...... uhm..... they’re.....” Emily pauses before rolling her head and deciding to just get it over with. “They’re called ‘Do You Think I’m Sexy’ and...... ‘Sex bomb’......”

Everyone’s interest had been piqued with Cisco and Nash both staring at her with raised eyebrows. Emily covered her face in embarrassment floating above her seat a little. “I shouldn’t have said anything,” she near whines. “What about Talking Body?” GP whirrs in intelligible english tones. “Preferred over those, but still no.” Emily responds still red in the face. “No, I.... hmm.... I think I... h-have one. It’s called Collide.” Emily straightened her posture and cleared her throat. “Oh this is embarrassing......” she muttered under her breath after a pause and cringing. Taking a breath to calm herself she began, GP providing the background music.

*Lately, I feel like I’m pushing you away*

*Acting moody for no reason*

*And even though you know I'm always gonna stay*

*I've been talking like I'm leaving*

*I don't know why I keep playing these dumb games*

*Love is not a competition*

*And no one's winning when I'm pushing you away*

*Sometimes darkness is a prison*

The lights seem to dim a little before returning to the normal ambient light. Taking a breath to steady her nerves further, Emily continues.

* Turn the lights on, honey, honey, I don't wanna hide*

*Turn the lights on, honey, I'm surrendering tonight*

*Although I'm not perfect, I feel perfect in your eyes*

*Turn the lights on, honey, I don't really wanna hide, not tonight*

*Come and crash into me 'cause I want us to collide*

*Collide, collide, collide*

Emily smiles becoming more relaxed even beginning to move in rhythm with the music and providing small effects such as orbs of lights and dimming the actual lights at times.

*Look into my eyes and tell me we're okay*

*And we both can be forgiven*

*Kiss me gently, say the things you wanna say*

*You don't need to ask permission*

*I'm a stormy ocean, but you're steady*

*And I'm a commotion, but you get me*

*Too many emotions, but you let me*

*Let me blossom in the dark*

The lights dim and brighten to the beat of the song, the orbs of light change color and seem to twinkle and multiply. Emily smiles wide as she sings and looks around in amusement at the display going on. Everyone else is distracted by the lights but Nash was fixated on Emily. He smiled as she smiles happier than he’s ever seen feeling as though this was her unfiltered.

*Turn the lights on, honey, honey, I don't wanna hide*

*Turn the lights on, honey, I'm surrendering tonight*

*Although I'm not perfect, I feel perfect in your eyes*

*Turn the lights on, honey, I don't really wanna hide, not tonight*

*Come and crash into me 'cause I want us to collide*

*Collide, collide, collide*

The lights slowly begin to dim as Emily, having decided to stand, took slow strides toward the center of the group. She begins to float the closer she gets and takes a modest cross-legged ‘seat’ in the air. Everyone looks around curiously and Nash fixates on her again.

*I'm a stormy ocean, but you're steady*

*I'm like a commotion, but you get me*

*Too many emotions, but you let me*

*Let me blossom in the dark*

Emily darkens the whole room by creating a field that prevented any light to show through. She then made it look like she was glowing, her suit had appeared, her hair was snow white with the unique holographic shine, and she still kept the rest of them in utter darkness as she continued toward the song’s end.

* Turn the lights on, honey, honey, I don't wanna hide*

*Turn the lights on, honey, I'm surrendering tonight*

Emily snaps her fingers and flicks her wrist in front of her causing an explosion of stars appear in the room making it look like they were in the deep of space. Still glowing, albeit softer, she smiles wide. Nash watches noting she seemed to feel at home in such an environment almost looking free, maybe even exited to share the wonder of the void she knew so well with people she cared for. She looked dazzling in that moment.

*Although I'm not perfect, I feel perfect in your eyes*

*Turn the lights on, honey, I don't really wanna hide, not tonight*

*Come and crash into me 'cause I want us to collide*

*Collide, collide, collide*

The room fades back to black and Emily brings the normal light back into the room gradually so as not to blind everyone. They watch in stunned silence as she takes a few steps back toward her chair, suit disappearing and hair returning to her usual red tinted brunette, and she smiled shy and awkwardly. “So.....?” she asked.

“That was—“ Nash began.

“Amazing!” Cisco interrupted causing Nash to snap out of whatever trance he fell into. Emily smiled placing a hand on her cheek as she blushed. “Hobby my ass,” Ralph scolded. “You’ve put in some serious work to sound that good.”

“I’ve, had a few years of practice,” she teased.

“Well, whatever it is you just stunned us with, I wish I had a talent like that,” Iris commends. “That was..... wow!”

“Sing something else!” Wally said enthusiastically.

“Yeah, that was great!” Joe agrees enamored.

Emily laughs waving a hand. “No no, I would be singing all night. Do you know what I would sound like tomorrow if I did that?”

“C’mon, just one more?” Frost asks surprisingly invested. Emily sighs with a reluctant smile tilting her head toward Nash a little. “Again, Harry, this is why I don’t sing in front of people.”

Nash chuckled in amusement with Harry smiling next to him. “Three. Three ‘one more’ requests that night,” he explained. “I was worried she would kill me by the end of it. If it weren’t for Jessie changing the topic when we left she may well have.” Nash looked at him curiously. “I was......responsible for two. She wasn’t enthused when I got the whole room going,” he said reminiscing. “By the way, if that wasn’t an obvious tell, I don’t know what is.” Nash’s gaze fell upon Emily again as she grumbled placing both hands on her cheeks considering indulging their requests. “No, no. It’s going to turn into karaoke night all over again if I don’t stop now,” Emily determined. “Only one tonight, but maybe another some other time,” she smiled raising a finger with a wink.

Casual conversation carried for another hour or two before Emily began to yawn, followed by a few of the others present. Half an hour after the first yawn, everyone decided to call it a night. It was well into the evening at this point and no one wanted to risk sleeping in too late. Emily stretched winding up leaning all the way back, about 90°, over the bar. She stayed like that taking a deep breath and complained about not wanting to move. “I think I’m just gonna.... sleep here. Like this. Yeah, this is comfy....”

“Thaaaat doesn’t *look* comfortable.....” Cisco commented looking confused at how she could even *do* that.

“Must not be a fellow human rubber band,” she replied grabbing her elbows keeping her arms above her head. “Being super bendy sure comes in handy.” She smiled lazily and turned her head to face the person she heard moving to her side, seemingly tripping over a chair. Her eyes met Nash’s, who’s cheeks immediately turned rosy, and lifted her head. “You ok?” She asked.

“Yeah, no. I’m f-fine,” Nash coughed out. “Stupid chair, got tangled in my feet....” He kicked it nearly getting tangled in it again.

“Yeeeesaahhh,” Emily said tiredly. “They always seem to like ankles and toes, huh? Just.... always in the way, at the worst times.” Her eyes closed again and she sighed half falling asleep right there. Nash averted his gaze awkwardly and Cisco smirked at him, Nash gave him a face instigating a silent argument between the two about him saying something before GP flew over and whistled at her waking her again. “Hmmm?” she said tiredly. GP whistled again and Emily groaned. “Nooo, don’t waaaanna move,” she said with another stretch. GP bonked her head and she sighed. “Ok, ok. Fine. I’ll go to bed.” With a huff, she pulled herself into a sitting position before hopping off her seat and heading out. Various farewells and well wishes were exchanged as they left one by one leaving Emily alone with Nash and Cisco. They stood awkwardly at the elevator door waiting for it to come back up, Cisco flicking his eyes in the direction of Emily trying to encourage Nash to say something and Nash refusing.

“Good night guys,” Emily said with a yawn when the elevator dinged. “Travel safe, ok?”

“Make sure nothing blows up, alright?” Cisco joked. She smiled tiredly. “Aww, no fun. And I was gonna try to make a star tonight.” Nash smiled recognizing a similar joke he made with Cisco. “I’ll make sure to hold down the fort,” she assured rubbing her eye as they stepped in. “I’m pretty good at keeping people out of places.” They waved as the doors closed, Nash watched as she turned, flicking her finger like you would a switch, and the lights going out one by one as she advanced down the hall. Cisco turned to face Nash with a disappointed look. “What?” Nash asked doing a double take.

“You need to tell her you like her already,” Cisco scolded.

“I don’t... like her,” Nash said attempting to brush off the accusation. “Why would you even think that?” Cisco’s face dropped unamused. “Yeah, ok. You are literally dripping in tension when you’re in the same room as her.”

“I am not!” Nash protests. “I’m chill.”

“You stare at her, you follow her, you ears get red when she looks at you.”

“I.... do not... What?” He turned to face Cisco as the doors opened. He rolled his eyes as he left, Nash close behind. “Pretty sure everyone knows. Well, maybe not Barry. But Wally does, Joe asked if you two were a thing, Iris knows....” Nash went quiet still following him. “I think Ralph may have a thing for her too but so far hasn’t had any luck.” He spun to face him and pointed a finger in his face. “Say, something. Anything. The awkward is getting unbearable.”

Nash stared at Cisco for a minute before the latter turned to leave, Nash took a long look back at the lab with a sigh. *I really should,* he thought. *But what do I say?*

——

The next day was business as usual, Emily had decided to get some practice in before everyone came in and had just finished when she passed Nash in the hall on her way to change. “Oh, hey Nash!” she greeted with a smile. Nash felt that familiar flush start to run up his neck when he saw her. He closed his eyes and muttered the only word he could think of. “Don’t...”

“Hmm?” Emily asked tilting her head to look him in the face. He opened his eyes making eye contact and used as much self control as he could muster to speak. “Don’t.... smile. At me.”

Emily paused in confusion. “What?”

“Don’t smile at me,” he repeated slowly beginning to regret his sentence choice. Emily blinked a few times just staring at him as she tried to understand. “Why...?”

“Because it’s stupid and makes me uncomfortable. And it’s annoying. Remember when I said you weren’t all that annoying? I lied. You’re more annoying than Ramon,” Nash blurted everything out before he realized what it was he was saying but fought to keep a straight face. Emily’s face was blank, shoulders dropped a little, and she stared confused at him. “Oh.... well..... ok.” She said softly. Nash felt his heart constrict in his chest. What had he done? She took a breath and looked him in the eye again, her facial features betraying hints of mischief. “Alright Nash, I’m sorry. I had no idea my smile could do that to you.” She placed a hand on his shoulder in mock concern making Nash a little suspicious. “I’m so glad you told me.”

“....You are?” Nash asked.

“Yes, yes, I am. From now on I won’t smile at you.”

“You.... won’t?”

“Nope. I’ll just smile at everyone and everything else instead,” Emily said fighting a smile. “Rest assured you’ll never see my troublesome smile again.”

“Ah...... good.....” Nash said trying to sound satisfied.

“See you later then,” Emily said before continuing on her way. Nash watched her go mildly panicking. “What just happened?” He asked no one in particular.

“You messed up, big time,” Sherloque answered from behind him. “How so?” Nash asked spinning around.

“Well, you heard her. She’ll still smile, just not at you,” Sherloque smirked. “But oh, she knows what you said wasn’t true. Not all of it anyway. She still may be a little concerned you find her annoying.”

“So, what will she do?”

“Exactly what she told you she would. Clever woman,” Sherloque mused. He smiled at Nash who still looked concerned. “She will, continue to smile, at everyone and thing other than you. And in doing so, knowing you don’t really find it uncomfortable, she will frustrate you.” He stands close to his face continuing to smile. “My, what a mess you’ve made. I do wonder how you’ll fix it.” He disappeared leaving Nash alone in the hallway again, completely and utterly uncertain about what to do now. “Oohhhh no....” he muttered to himself.

The rest of the day went on as normal, no one but Nash really noticing her slightly altered behavior though they did note he seemed a bit more frustrated than usual. She really did keep her word, taking care to never smile directly at him though that didn’t stop him from getting the smallest of glimpses. He found himself staring at her more often, and after three days he had nearly had enough.

He had found himself in the cortex, Barry was out and about as the Flash leaving Cisco, and Ralph there with him. He was tense and on edge knowing Emily could come in at any moment. He was too preoccupied to remember where she said she was going which only served to amp his anxiety. He tensed when he heard the familiar light tapping of footsteps drawing closer.

“Hey, I’m back!” A familiar voice called out. Nash refused to turn to meet her even as she walked over. She was wearing an oversized tank top, sport shorts, knee high socks and sneakers with her hair tied up. *Training,* he thought to himself. *That’s right, she wanted to practice for a while.* “Hey Cisco, Ralph. Hi Nash....” She smiled at Cisco and Ralph before dropping the facade to look at Nash. He clenched his jaw but kept his composure. “So, what are you up to?” She asked.

Cisco’s eyes darted from her face to Nash’s, before giving Ralph a look. “Not much....” he said. “Barry’s just doing his patrols, hasn’t come up with anything yet,” Ralph added walking awkwardly away.

“Hey, uh, Estrata,” Cisco called from the control desk. “Could you do me a favor?”

“Yeah sure, what’s up?” She asked cheerfully.

“The, satellites could use some maintenance. I can do general software updates from here but it’s difficult to do physical repairs. Could yoouuuu.....”

“Go check it out?” She finished for him. “My pleasure. I’ll take Tinker with me in case they need specialty parts.” She said smiling at the small drone flying into view. “Good idea. Yeah. Take.... take what ever you need and stay however long to. Fix things...” Cisco replied trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “Be back in a jiffy!” She said with a grin before dropping it to look at Nash as she walked by. “Later.” They all watched and waited for her to leave the room before the two shot daggers at Nash with glares. “What?” He asked when he turned and saw their faces.

“What do you mean ‘what’?” Cisco asked near shouting. “She has been acting weird for the last few days,” Ralph added. “I don’t .... know..... what you mean,” Nash tried to dismiss. “You said something to her, didn’t you!” Cisco accused. “What did you say?!”

“I—I.... didn’t ......” Nash stuttered trying to avoid the unwanted confrontation. They stared each other down for a while before he relented. “Alright fine. I..... I did.... say something.....” he said rubbing the back of his neck. “Probably not the.... greatest thing...... in hindsight.....”

Cisco took a few steps forward still glaring. “Spill it.”

“I.... may have told her that..... she, uh, was..... annoying.....” Nash answered sheepishly. “You.... you what?” Cisco asked in disbelief. “You said what to her!?”

“You told me to say something to her. Anything, actually,” Nash tried to defend.

“Not that! Oh my— guh...” Cisco yelled throwing his hands in the air. Nash scratched his head like a child might when in trouble, being under all that scrutiny made his scalp really itchy. Ralph just stood there shaking his head. “You messed up, so bad,” he said.

“You don’t think I know?” Nash snapped back. “I got a lecture from a Wells as soon as she walked away!”

“You need to fix this,” Cisco said pointing again.

“How, Ramon? How?”

“I don’t know! But you have to do something! Smart, this time,” he glared, Nash glaring back at the ‘smart’ comment. “Because this?” he gestured around him, “This tension, is worse than your repressed tension. It sucks!”

“Hey Cisco,” Emily called over the relay. “Hey Es,” Cisco called back. “What ya got for me?”

“I’ve fixed a few cosmetic things, just scratches and dings from space debris, aaaaand I gave you a few new toys.” Cisco’s face lit up with a smile. “Ohhhh, new toys? Estrata, you spoil me.”

“Only cuz I like ya!” She responded with a giggle.

“Can’t imagine what you’d do for a special someone in your life,” Ralph commented shooting a look over to Nash. Nash clenched his jaw glaring back unenthusiastically. “Hmm, yeah. I’ve been told I get scary when I get serious or protective. Like, Mama Bear mode on steroids. So probably break a mountain in half. Or bake, I like brownies,” Emily rambled.

“.....Wait..... can you do that?” Ralph asked concerned. “Break a mountain?” Emily paused. “You know, never tried. But I did obliterate an asteroid one time.”

“Really?” This time Cisco asked.

“Yeah, but it was a small one. Like, maybe half a football field. And it was made out of a material similar to sandstone.”

“Thaaaat’s still pretty impressive,” Ralph stated impressed and a bit wary. “I know I could never do that.”

“Sure you could, you just gotta put your back into it!” She giggled, Ralph chuckling in return.

“So you gonna come back now?” Cisco asked glancing at Nash.

“Nah, not right now,” Emily replied with a sigh. “Been a while since I’ve just hung out in the deep black of the void, think I’ll chill for a while.” Nash’s shoulders dropped a bit hearing the news. As if he needed another contributor to his tension, now he had to wait for who knows how long. “Ok, take as much time as you need,” Cisco said still looking at Nash. “We’ll be here when you come back.”

“Ok, see you later then,” Emily said before closing the connection. Cisco crossed his arms and Ralph gave him a look, Nash stood stiff lost in thought. “Well, least now you have plenty of time to think of what to say,” Ralph commented before leaving. “You better make it good too,” Cisco warned before exiting as well, leaving Nash to stew for a while in uncertainty. *What to say....* he said to himself.

——

It was well into the evening when Emily made her way back to the lab. She casually strode down the halls humming to herself when she came across Nash and nearly bumped into him. “Oh! Oh, hi Nash,” she said looking up at him.

“H-hi.... Estrata,” Nash smiled awkwardly. “What brings you skulking around here so late?” She asked putting a hand on her hip. “I uh, I.... have something...... I’ve been meaning to, tell you....” he said trying to figure out the words as he went. “Oh? You do?” She said sounding intrigued. He nodded his head looking at his feet. “Uh huh, yeah.” He paused still staring at the ground and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I lied... earlier.... wheeeen I said you were..... annoying......” he started. “You did?” She asked relaxing a little. Nash nodded again. “I did. I actually don’t, find you annoying that is. I uh, really like your company. A lot.” He peeked up to look her in the eye, the flush building like before. “Well then, why did you say that?” Emily asked, face softening as he spoke.

“I don’t..... I don’t know..... I....” Nash ran his hands through his hair in frustration and started pacing around. “You..... don’t know?” she asked in confusion. “I..... I don’t, have the words...” Nash said pausing and rubbing his chin. He stood quiet for a moment before turning to look at her again. “Maybe.... I don’t need words.....” he muttered to himself.

“What was tha—“ Emily’s sentence was cut off by Nash, who took three quick strides toward her, cupped her face and nearly rammed his face into hers with a kiss. Emily stood stunned, clearly not expecting this turn of events at all, and could only stare wide eyed into space. Once he broke the kiss he looked her in the eyes, thumb gently running over her cheek. “Wha...?” Emily started to ask. “Truth is, you make it incredibly difficult not to do that,” he says with a smile. “Especially, when you smile.”

Emily’s lips slowly pulled into a soft smile before mischievous tones bled in. “Hmmm, I’m not sure I got all that.” Nash raised an eyebrow smirking at her before placing another kiss on her lips. Emily chuckled after he broke the kiss again. “Gee, I dunno.... if I understand..... you may have...... to repeat.... that......” she said with a giggle, Nash taking the obvious opportunity to kiss her over and over while she spoke. They stood for a moment, smiling at each other like idiots, when they heard someone walk around the corner.

“Oh my god, FINALLY!” a voice said loudly from behind them. Emily gripped Nash’s shirt pulling him close as she tried to bury herself into him in embarrassment. Her face was beat red and eyes wide as Cisco briskly walked by. “Now if you two could do something about the other obvious tension you have, that’d be perfect,” he said pointing a finger first at Nash, then Emily who was trying very hard to hide her face. Cisco smiled at Nash, who gave him a wink, before walking away to a lab somewhere. They stood quiet for a minute before he rubbed her back and drew her into a hug enveloping her petite frame. She relaxed nestling into him a bit with a deep sigh. “So....” she began looking up at him. “What’s this ‘other tension’ Cisco was on about?”

“Oh, uh, I uh....” Nash coughed. “Not sure, actually.” She pouted suspiciously at him raising an eyebrow, keeping the stare made his ears rather red. “Mhmm......” she smirked. “Then I guess there’s nothing to ‘take care of’ and no real reason for a sleepover or anything....” she said slipping away. “I’m tired anyway, should probably just go to be—“ her words were cut off by Nash grabbing her from behind in a tight hug causing her to squeak. “Ok ok! I’ll stop teasing” she giggled. “But you’re kinda cute when you’re frustrated.”

Nash raised an eyebrow. “So are you telling me, this was a bad idea?” He asked close to her ear. “Noooooo.....” she said trying to hide the goosebumps. “Just..... think of it as an adventure. You do like adventures, right?” She asked grinning at him. He paused looking thoughtfully at her. “You know, now that I think of it. This might be one of the better ones.”

————————••••••••————————

~Fin~

#the flash #flash fiction #my oc tag #nash wells #cisco ramon #ralph dibny #funny #science #barry allen #fluffy

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bubblyani · 5 years ago

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Deeper Relations: 09

(Freddie Jackson x Reader)

A Freddie Jackson Multi Chapter Series

Chapter 09: The Reveal

Rating: Mature (18+)

Story Requested by: @97freaknik

Summary: Being the youngest sister of Jackie and Maggie, you were quite young when Freddie Jackson went to prison. Upon his return, you cannot help but recall your innocent love you had for him back then. And surprised by your transformation into womanhood, Freddie cannot help but form a desire towards you. Will a dangerously seductive attraction grow between the two of you? What will be the consequences?

Author’s Note: Things are heating up. That’s all I’ll say. Enjoy!

Series Masterlist HERE

Sitting on the bathroom floor, you kept staring at it. The bitter truth you could not avoid. You blinked enough times, hoping to see this was all just a mere illusion. But it was not.

You were pregnant. You were with child.

Finally, you were aware of what emptiness tasted like. The whole world was at the near grips of crumbling down, where all forms of dreams and hopes were about to be crushed. This was never in your agenda to begin with. Pregnancy was never supposed to arrive at a time when you least expected it. You did not want it to be bad news. You wanted to look forward to it. Only at the right time. When you were properly married and ready. Not like this.

And with that cruel realization, your body started to panic. Your breathing quickened whilst your heart beat increased. What were you to do? Who could you confide this in? For the first time, you had never felt so alone.

Another horrible query dawned on you. Freddie. Oh god, what would Freddie say? How on earth could you even reveal this to him? Salty tears ran down your cheeks so quickly as your shoulders began to shake. Fully overwhelmed and afraid, you cried. But quietly.

A few minutes later, you were drained to the core. But at the same, your sanity returned to you. And that was when you knew, the only way to make any further decision was to get professional advice.

And just like that, you retouched your makeup, and went to see a doctor.

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(Two days later)

Amusing how the previous Family Dinner was something you looked forward to, for this time you did not to the slightest. This emotional rollercoaster did not seem favorable to your health. You longed for some peace in the end of the day. But for the moment, social gatherings did not seem ideal for your state of mind.

You attempted your hardest to maintain the mood as last time, but the attempts seem moot. For all you were tempted to do was nothing. Fortunately, your mother decided to help you with the dinner preparations so all hope was not lost.

Yet you had to wear that enthusiastic smile, like a mask.

“Is Freddie not coming today, Jacks?” Maggie asked her sister casually at the dinner table. Whilst barely chewing the food, your eyes turned to them with attention. You noticed his absence from the start of the evening itself, yet the nervous thought of seeing him distracted you.

“He’s taking care of some stuff.” Jimmy answered, right before Jackie could even start. And given her look of embarrassment, it was evident she clearly did not know the reason for her own husband’s absence. Her recent behavior and the increasing usage of pills implied enough: she definitely was not happy with Freddie, and neither was he.

The bell rang, making you get up in an instant.

“It must be the delivery…” You said, abruptly leaving the dinning room. Your mother had ordered some wine from the bar, only it came in last minute.

“Thanks, Jim. Goodnight” Waving to the deliveryman, you struggled with the two bottles and change money. Pushing the door slowly, you moved towards the living room table. With the two bottles safely on the coffee table, you put the change in the pocket of your jeans.

“You ought to be more careful closing the door”

A familiar voice tickled your ear, making you gasp as you turned back. Before you could even greet him, Freddie Jackson attacked you with a hungry kiss.

With lips still intact, you felt yourself being pulled into the bathroom nearby. Closing the door, his desperation was evident with his passionate kisses.

“Fuck! I missed you…” he breathed into your lips. Spinning you around, he held you against him, both facing the mirror over the sink top, as he began to grind. He held you tightly by the waist, rolling his hips against yours, making sure his manhood brushed over your buttocks. It was true. Ever since you found out of the big news, you had been avoiding Freddie for the last few days. Even when a rendezvous was planned, you skipped it with intention.

With your hands resting on the sink, you kept quiet. No matter how much pleasure you could be receiving right now, you did not have the heart to utter a single word. And truthfully, your face wasn’t helping either. Cold and concerned, it finally got through to Freddie. The moment he noticed it, he stopped.

“Babe, you alright?” Nervous, you barely looked at his reflection. With your lips pressed together, you barely answered. Concerned, he wrapped his hands around you, nestling his face on your neck as his voice grew soft.

“You being quiet is not normal, cupcake” he said, “Come on…what is it?” He purred, “How’s my girl feeling?” He said, in an attempt to calm you down.

Freddie Jackson’s way of calming you down was quite the opposite of what any other normal person would do. He knew sensual care would do the trick, the more you were cared for, you’ll be aroused but also honest. And that was what he strived for. He kissed the most intimate areas of your neck. He unhooked your bra to relieve some tension of your body. His hands traveled under your shirt, digging under your loosened undergarment to allow his callused thumbs run over your breasts. Because that what you liked, and he knew it well. As much as your body managed to respond with goosebumps or erect nipples, your heart was not ready to disclose anything. How could you? Were you ready to spill the beans, just so you could see his look of disgust or disappointment, and have him leave you? Your eyes kept looking at the door nervously.

“Oh I know whats going”

When Freddie spoke, you stared at him bated breath. What could he possibly know? “You’re uncomfortable with everyone here, right?…” he said, “Worried we might get caught, yeah?” He added with a mischievous smile. Sighing softly, you gave a tight smile to cover up everything, yet no answer. But Freddie did not mind. Instead he was just impressed.

“Good girl, not even talking…commitment innit? ” he said, giving a light smack on your buttocks, “Alright…” he said, as he opened the door, “ I’ll catch you later…cupcake” he winked.

Closing the door with the lock, you quickly sat on the closed toilet. Close call, you thought. But you did not like it. Being so secretive with Freddie was not your intention. It made you sick. You loathed being disloyal to him. This was unavoidable. You had to tell him soon. Taking a deep breath, you decided to go for it.

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(Two days later)

The second hand on the clock was loud enough, you knew how quiet everything else was. Your hands were clasped together as you sat on the side of the bed, waiting. When Freddie decided on the next rendezvous, you did not hesitate to accept. You even arrived at the Rose Gardens Hotel much earlier than planned, finding enough time to gather your thoughts and courage to face him. Your flow of thinking suddenly made a halt when the door opened. Looking up you saw Freddie was standing there, watching you. Lust brimmed from him. Understandable, give his frustration of not being with you for a considerable number of days.

“Well well…look what we have here?” He purred “Someone’s early”. 

You sat up, and you watched him, walking towards you. Smiling shyly was all you could do when he stood right in front you. Fingers resting on your head, he slowly undid your ponytail, pulling out your loose wavy hair, letting the fingers entangle around your locks.

Truthfully, you missed his touch. to be honest. But the stress you underwent overpowered you. Taking your hand, he pulled you up to stand.

“Now that’s a pretty dress you’re wearing, Cupcake…”   He muttered. His eyes washed over your short white dress with black polkadots. With the buttons in the front and the length reaching only up to the end of your buttocks, it was quite a ravishing sight for him. You felt his hands move from your shoulders down your back, finally resting on your posterior, cupping the buttocks tight. He groaned, closing his eyes to savor it. His lips grew closer to yours in the process. Except for the first time ever, you pushed him away. “Freddie…I…” you paused, “I need to talk to you” Confused, he nodded, “Yeah sure…” Holding his hand, you pulled him over to sit next to you on the bed. You had to do this. For it was vital. “What’s the matter, babe?” Freddie asked. You exhaled deeply. You really could not believe you were finally about to reveal this. “Do you love me?” You asked. It made him raise his eyebrows. “What?” “It’s a simple question Freddie…” you chuckled, “Do you love me?” “Of course I do, babe” He said without any hesitation “I love you…” “Do you love me regardless of whatever might happen?” You asked, as nerves built up even more. “Yeah I do” “Cause if you don’t, then I understand…it’s perfectly fine-” “Babe, what the bloody hell is going on-” “I’m pregnant” And finally, Freddie quietened.

You said it. You said it at last. Speechless. He was speechless. Regardless of what he might say, you told yourself you could handle it. If not happy, you could always get rid of it. You were early enough to do so anyways. But the fact he did not respond yet, it killed you.

“You’re sure?” He finally spoke in a low voice, still surprised.  “Yeah…the doctor confirmed it” You replied softly. You watched him slowly nod. Only you blinked twice to see a soft smile emerging from him. “Fuckin’ hell…” his lips curling up into a smile, “This is wonderful” Your eyes widened. “Really?” “It’s bloody brilliant” He said joyfully, voice filled with emotion. He said it as if he just heard the best news ever, “Y/N…” he said, clapping his hands, “We’re gonna have a fuckin’ baby” This all felt unbelievable, even when he pulled you into an embrace. He held you so tight, you felt his heartbeat, “Oh this is just great news…I’m so happy” he continued, “Oh! imagine how bloody adorable our baby’s gonna be?” He said as he looked at you. “Our baby?” You asked, surprised. Freddie nodded, putting one hand over your belly. “Yes, Our baby…” That afternoon, there was no sex. But it was certainly better. You were relieved beyond all measure. Laying together in bed, you stayed in his loving arms, enjoying his warm forehead kisses. Safe, you felt safe once again. But like clockwork, a dark cloud came over your sense of happiness, making you sit up with concern. “But…” you began, “...this doesn’t make things easy for us, you know?” “What do you mean?” Freddie asked, sitting up. You sighed. “What we have, this relationship…no one knows about it. It’s a Secret” You continued, “You’re married. And worst of all, you’re married to my sister-” “Who I don’t fuckin love anymore” he insisted, in hopes to make you feel better. “Still…it’s not easy” you said worriedly, “I’m scared Freddie” “Hey Hey…” pulling you to another embrace, he comforted you, “I’ll be here. I promise you that” he murmured ,stroking your head, “Freddie will figure something out.” Cupping your face, his gaze held you so sharply, “All I want you to remember is that…I love you, Y/N” Your eyes welled up with tears. It couldn’t be helped. You were moved to the point your lips quivered. The assurance was certainly comforting.

“I love you too”  

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(4 days later)

Freddie Jackson was indeed a piece of work. As promised, he actually figured it out. Part of it at least. Amidst the sounds of the cutlery, plates and conversation in the Family Dinner the following week, you cleared your throat.

“Everyone…I uh…have an announcement to make…” You said. Suddenly all grew quiet. Unaware of what you were about to say, most of them looked positively uninterested.

“Um…I decided to move out” Finally, uninteresting was not the case anymore. Eyes were widened, they indicated surprise. All except Freddie’s.

“What? You’re moving out?” Lena asked. To which you nodded.  “Yeah...me and a few mates decided to move together…” you said. “Why?”   “Because It’s easier for me that way. With university and everything. Besides, I’m not a kid anymore” You lied, you lied outright with no shame. But you were right about one thing: you were not a kid anymore. You were a responsible adult. A responsible adult moving out to hide one’s pregnancy. Awkward silence filled the room. “So…Who’s going to live there?” Maggie began to speak. You shrugged your shoulders. “Oh..just me and a few girls …” you replied. Lies. It was just going to be you. “Did you all already find a place?” “Yes Jimmy, one of the girls already found a place” More lies. It was Freddie who managed to find the place to his surprising convenience. Perhaps it was the manner you announced it, perhaps it was the volume of your voice. But nevertheless, everyone did nothing but merely nod in acknowledgement. It seemed that you moving out was never expected.

“I know this is all very sudden but…” you said, “I think it’s the right decision”

Silence only meant agreement here. And finally, you were free. Truthfully you did not care for what the others thought of this. Just announcing this and making it known was enough for you. Accidentally catching Freddie’s eye, you watched him wink at you. Responding with a soft smile, you exhaled deeply. Grateful you were indeed for him, finding a place like that. Far away from the family, it was just the perfect place for both of you to get away from all this. Relief washing over oneself, you recovered your appetite instantly.

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(4 days later)

“A pint of Lager for you, Y/N?” JImmy’s enthusiastic voice woke you from your pondering. Chuckling nervously, you shook your head. “No thanks, Jimmy” you said shyly, “Long night tonight…” “Alright…then I’ll get you a coke” with no judgment, he rushed over to the fetch the drinks. “Thanks” You said, sighing with relief. You were more than surprised when both Maggie and Jackie asked you to join them and their significant others for drinks one evening. If only this could have happened before nature prohibited you to drink cause of your unborn child. But that was only for you to know. Being quiet at the bar was usually not your style. But that was your mode tonight. Not because you disliked the company, you were just fatigued. Whilst sipping your coke, you carefully observed the two couples interacting. The energies exuded from the two groups felt polar opposite. Warmth, that was your impression of Maggie and Jimmy. Rife with positive energy, pure and wholesome, they smiled with every inch of their bodies, they talked with passion, they had dreams and it showed in their eyes. On the contrary, you could sense nothing but Chill from Jackie and Freddie. Distant, inattentive, they were the symbol of two individuals who have given up on love, given up on trying to fight for one another. The thought of a life for yourself made you concerned. Looking at Freddie, all you hoped for was a life where nothing close that even could crawl over. You would never give up on him. You just hoped he would not give up on you as well. Suddenly, nature called. “Excuse me...Off to the loo” You said, getting up with a smile. “Oh...I’ll join you” Maggie suddenly said. “Me too...” So did Jackie. Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “Alright...” you muttered, as they eagerly followed you to the restroom. Something seemed strange and you certainly did not seem right. As soon as Jackie locked the restroom door, you knew your intuition was accurate. Standing next to each other, the sisters faced you as if a fight was to take place. “Alright Y/N...” Maggie began, to you surprisingly chuckled. “I knew you two didn’t have to tinkle” you said, pointing at them. Jackie scoffed, folding her arms. “Of course…”she said, “We were trying to get you alone”. Her face growing even more serious, Maggie’s eyes did not blink. “What’s going on?” She asked. “What do you mean?” You asked back, before anyone could answer you changed your mind, “Nothing!” You added. “I found a pregnancy test in your room” Maggie said. You quietened. Feeling sentimental by the discovery, you decided to keep the test stick in your cupboard. So anyone snooping in your room would obviously find it. Yet, you were shocked. Could she be knowing more? “Why...why would you even go there??” You snapped in anger. “Does that really matter,Y/N?” Jackie said, raising her eyebrows. Coming closer to you, Maggie held your hand. “Y/N...” she began, “Are you pregnant?” Looking at her, you knew you had to be mature. Handling this with little damage was key. You took a deep breath, before nodding reluctantly. They knew, but the fact you finally admitted just made it all seem very real. And they seemed to have difficulty accepting it. Their reactions may not have been loud, but they were affected. “Who’s the father?” Jackie asked a few seconds later. She gasped, “Is it Marcus?” “I...rather not say” You replied nervously. Truthfully she would be the last person you would disclose the truth. As their reactions were silent and lengthy, you grew desperate. What were they thinking about? “Please...” Clasping your hands together, you begged,“...don’t make a big deal about this...” You continued with desperation, “the father knows and we decided to keep it” You added, “so it’s all good. It’s actually...one of the main reasons I’m moving out” you finally admitted quietly. Attempting to process the news, the sisters kept their composure. “I never imagined you having a baby so soon” Maggie said. You could not agree more. “This is so sudden” Jackie added, worried for you. “Yeah ...“ you added, “…but I’m actually excited” You said with an involuntary smile. The change in your tone, the hope that glinted in your eyes, they were finally convinced. Along with that came relief. “Awww Y/N...” You were surprised when they both hugged you tightly. Hugging them back, you felt even more relieved. It was true, to have the baby of someone you truly loved, was indeed a blessing for you. “But please don’t tell Mum yet. I’ll let her know in the right time” Your voice was muffled in the midst of their embrace, “Promise Me! Promise!” Pulling away, you begged, looking at both of them. “Don’t worry love, we will be here for you” Jackie surprised you with that comforting phrase. With a pat on the shoulder, she left. Maggie however, walked with you. “Whatever you do..”she said “…don’t let this ruin your life...your education”. You could sense she had high hopes for you. And you adored her more for that. You smiled. “I won’t....”

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As you stirred awake, you turned to the side, sleepily hugging the pillow closer to your body. The fatigue seemed to have lasted throughout the entire night, waking up was difficult. And now you were as exhausted as someone with a horrible hangover. And you did not even touch a drop of alcohol. Reliving the memory of last night, you suddenly found yourself smiling. For there was one moment that you did not want to forget.

The moment you felt nauseous out of the blue. Amidst the loud and entertaining conversations, you needed to throw up fast. Stumbling after excusing yourself, you remembered how you ended up in the back exit instead of the restroom, throwing up on the side. Bile was all that you could taste of yourself as you kept gagging. Throwing up at a bar, nothing suspicious nor outrageous. Yet it could have been comforting to have someone by your side throughout the ordeal. Someone to hold your hair, and calm you down. And the last thing you preferred to do was to burden your sisters again after the last reveal.

As if your prayers were heard, you felt your hair being pulled back. You felt a warm hand rest on your back. Only to find it was Freddie.

Wiping your mouth with one hand, you slowly stood up straight. Your face turned red with embarrassment as he paid close attention to you. “And so… begins the madness”

You said shyly chuckling. He did not laugh, only reached his hand out to place it on your non-existent baby tummy. As much as you liked it, you reluctantly pushed it away, worried someone might see.

“How did you even come h-”

Shushed, you were shushed when he proceeded to place a soft kiss on your forehead. Warmth trickled down your head. Quickly absorbed in to the skin, you felt replenished , you felt cleansed, you felt cared for. Yo felt loved. Amidst all this, he just wanted to make you feel better.

“Don’t forget that I’m here, babe” he breathed, cupping your face.

Breathing in deeply, you realized he has not smoked today. Only the whiff of his intoxicating cologne had reached your nostrils. Heart beat suddenly increased when your eyes caught his lips moving closer to yours.

“No..I just threw up…” you shyly looked down, as insecurity took over. To which he just chuckled. “Don’t… fucking… care” he said, kissing you softly on the lips. You were always blessed by his lips. And now it really felt like the touch of an angel. Humming, he seemed pleased. “Mmm…I fuckin love your lips” he purred. Pushing him away, you chuckled.

“Stop! someone will see…go inside! will you”

Smiling even though you were half awake, you remembered how he flashed his signature grin before walking back into the bar. You remembered the physical relief you experienced , and was aware of the challenges pregnancy will bring you.  

Regardless, it really was a moment worth remembering. Cuddling the pillow tighter, you thanked the gods for letting Freddie be there by your side to face all obstacles. You were ready for anything. Simply anything.

A thundering knock on the door made fully woke you from your dream state. The knocking was aggressive and desperate. And it did not cease. Concerned, you jumped out of the bed to open.

Only to find it was Maggie.

But you could not sigh in relief, especially when you saw her face. Gaunt and traumatized, her lips remained tightly pressed. Before you open your mouth, she quickly entered the room to lock it tight.

Another obstacle, you thought. But you were ready, you thought.

“Maggie? ” you began, fixing your messy hair, “Are you okay?”

She did not answer. Instead she merely took a few deep breaths. As if trying to gather her thoughts which were scattered everywhere. A few seconds later, she turned to your direction. And it frightened you.

“I’m your sister…right?” she asked. You nodded silently.

“And I think…” taking another breath, she continued heavily, “as your sister…I deserve to know the truth. The truth of what’s really going on…”

Her voice, it was grave. It was low. Speechless, you were on an internal debate on how to proceed.The truth of what? Which lie? You did not know.

“From this minute on…” she said, as her voice broke, “I want to tell me the honest truth. Only the truth, Y/N…”

Impatient, you only grew more frustrated. “Maggie, What tru-”

“Is Freddie…” Maggie paused. With wide eyes and a heart filled with worry, she took a deep breath to finally finish her desperate inquiry

“…is Freddie the father??”

Completely frozen, you suddenly regretted being brave. You wished for a do over, so you could erase all that had happened. For you just did not want to face the consequences.

——————————————————

Chapter 10 (FINAL Chapter) HERE

Tagged: @starlightmornings @rogerfxckingtaylor @daydreamerinadazedworld @courtney-thevixeniris @kimmietea @shigarakitomuraxxxdabi @tealaquinn @rach5ive

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pinkievie · 4 years ago

Text

I just gotta say some stuff about Season 3 of Charmed

I thought the premiere was soo boring, and the second episode was loads better because more stuff was happening but there is still so much lazy and inconsistent writing I just struggle

First of all there were a few great things about ep 2...

MAGGIE MY QUEEN!! 💕 I literally love it when they focus on Maggie because it shows that you don’t need to be the most confident or dominant or combative one in the room to be the most powerful. I think even going back to season 1 the show was implying that Maggie is lowkey the most powerful charmed one and she really keeps the family together. She’s the heart and soul of the power of three and she’s easily the smartest of the sisters because she has insight and premonitions that Macy and Mel don’t have. She also holds a lot of the responsibility and pressure and has had to be the stable rock in the family so many times when she has had arguably the most draining powers which takes so much out of her, but she always exceeds even her own expectations despite being the youngest. She’s literally the most powerful witch in the world and stands for an entire coven, and has continuously lead the power of three, and performed explosive spells as well as the most intricate empathetic spells. There’s nothing she can’t do. She is just 😍 and AS WELL AS all of this she has moments of vulnerability and panic attacks and personal struggles and it’s JUST AMAZING CHARACTERISATION showing that you can have low points and be open about it but that doesn’t mean you are any weaker or less powerful PLUS you can be empathetic and kind and emotional as well as being BADASS AND when I see the AMAZING Maggie moments like these, I just wonder how it’s the same writers who are writing the rest of the piss poor series 🤷‍♀️

Harry and Macy. Yes, we are getting literal crumbs like 1 x hug and confirmation that they will enjoy a #date when “the magical world is no longer in danger” or whatever, but you know I feel like their relationship might be the reason why 50% of us are still watching the show so I gotta give it to them

the graphics were alright

and the actors are all doing amazingly considering the source material

OKAY NOW on to my many many issues

It was definitely interesting to see Julian as Nadia but i gotta be honest, who even is Nadia? We hardly know her. How did she end up in a relationship with Jimmy? It doesn’t seem like their romance was relevant or important to the story . ? . What relationship is Nadia to Vivian and why does she even care about magic? We’ve only had like a handful of meaningful scenes with her and then in this episode they full on removed her from the story off-screen. The actress is really great so that was a blow in my opinion because she could have done so much MORE. (maybe we’ll see her again I dunno, but I doubt it because the writers aren’t even trying to hide how much they don’t care about her character)

Julian was 1000% done dirty. I wanted to see him come to terms with what he helped create, go against his aunt. What even happened with his sister, Rosemary? Why did Vivian FULL ON KILL her own nephew?? Was their whole relationship just a load of crap or did she feel at all guilty about killing him? Maybe the magic went to her head and made her crazy kinda like Parker with the powerful fruit things. What beef does Viv have with the magical world anyway ? What’s her history

THIS ONE REALLY TICKS ME OFF. The weird thanos infinity glove thing that Viv had to steal and utilise magic. WHere ? Did she ? Did she invent it? HOW? How does it work, what the hell we don’t even know its origins before its already destroyed along with Viv

I know I said they did Julian dirty but Viv also. Wow what a let down from apparently the biggest villain of the season. Again, the graphics were alright but all of the build up regarding her faction and her magical army, and suddenly it’s like “she’s cashed in on her army, destroying all the creatures, and now she’s dead” 🤷‍♀️

Jordan is by far the most pure sweetest character on the show but his small storyline in this episode was too vague, and other more important stuff was going on like did anyone care what he was doing ?? He deserves a part in storyline A. Also the Jordan and Maggie scene at the end was just meh like by this point i’m tired. They don’t seem to even like each other that much and are so distracted by their own problems, they not interested in helping each other.

As much as I like Ruby and the actress, it just felt weird that she clearly didn’t want anything to do with magic the last time we saw her, but then SUDDENLY she comes running to offer her help with a giant crystal, and then at the end her and Mel seemed like they were like back together? They were going in for a kiss and I’m just like WAT has changed here? Don’t get me wrong, I like their relationship but I thought she didn’t want anything to do with this world and didn’t wanna be with Mel. I guess Mel’s life being at stake might have changed her mind ?? Although she already knew being a witch is dangerous so ~lazy writing~

RIGHT OKAY did the producers/writers seriously say that they were making the show darker and upping the anti after season 1 because season 1 was too tame and wishy washy and low-stakes and very like “ah let’s just destroy the monster of the week with the power of three” TO THEN LITERALLY destroy the season 2 big bad with the power of three 🤦‍♂️ i mean, enuf said about that, that last battle was such a let down, i was underwhelmed to extremes

Aside from that, seeing as the power of three did kill Viv, why were the charmed ones focused on protecting the sacred tree and sealing the vault like it was the ONLY WAY they could win instead of just, i dunno, goING TO KILL VIV with the power of three in the first place to prevent her from getting the amber. They were obviously clearly more powerful than her, so why did they all doubt that for the whole episode. Why was the power of three like their .. last...resort ??

OK so the sisters were told by the guardian lady that if humans touched the black amber then the magical scales would be unbalanced or some shit, so before they killed Viv was it not obvious that she had touched the black amber considering her appearance and the vault door was wide open. They’re smart girls, why didn’t they realise shit was going down sooner even after killing Viv. They should have checked on the sacred tree no? SOOOO like then everyone was all *shocked* in the final scene upon discovering that Viv had clearly touched the black amber and the magical kingdom was in danger and ON TOP OF THIS are you trying to make ME surprised by this. Bitch you showed us Viv putting her hands in the amber, we’re not shocked by this revelation that the ~battle isn’t over~ we’re not stupid

and -breathe-

#i know covid makes everything harder #but come on why are there not enough good writers in the world #charmed #charmed reboot #cw #maggie vera is a QUEEN tho #my stuff

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cutie1365 · 5 years ago

Text

A Kid from Queens Part 11

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Info: CA: Civil War Era. Tony Stark enlists his daughter to find the web slinging spider in Queens.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: language, lmk if I should add anything

A/N: I’ve removed a lot of people from my taglists for being inactive, to be on it and stay on it you must like my posts, and comment or reblog. There’s a google form in my bio to request to be added.

Masterlist linked in my bio. Taglist in the reblog.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

A bright stage light blinded you as you shifted back behind the curtain. A production assistant was clipping a microphone onto your dress that was so tight they’d actually made you wear spanx. Fucking spanx. You were a healthy 18 year old girl, wearing Spanx. You felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Your gaze shifted to the other side of the stage where you saw your publicist-turned-manager, Linda, give you a thumbs up and a cheery smile. You flashed her a toothy smile right back to reassure her. She had been preparing you for this all week, and you were ready. You were used to meetings with important people, investors, and shareholders; Pepper taught you well, you knew what you were doing.

“Ok people! Live in five... four...” A jaunty producer bellowed from behind the cameras.

You took a deep breath in, closing your eyes and reminding yourself why you were here. When you opened them, you put on your mask: a bright smile, wide eyes, and shoulders back. You were no longer the girl who just last week was crying in a conference room over a boy. No, for the next hour you were Y/N Stark: a girl who definitely had her shit together, sporting a nearly $5,000 Oscar de la Renta dress with some Jimmy Choos to match.

The audience roared as the large red “Applause” sign above the stage lit up.

“Thank you! Thank you for joining us and welcome to all of you at home tuning into our live broadcast of The Tonight Show!” The spirited host greeted the audience, he spoke again once their cheers died down.

“Tonight we have a very special guest. She’s a partner of Stark Industries. She’s the daughter of Iron Man! Give it up for Y/N Stark!” His voice grew more and more excited with each description.

Was that really all you boiled down to? ‘The daughter of Iron Man’? Would you ever be able to be your own person? All your accomplishments, and still, the most interesting thing about you was your paternity.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

Unbeknownst to you, thirty minutes away in Queens, May Parker was flipping channels as her nephew ate dinner. Landing on channel 6, she recognized a familiar face.

“Peter, isn’t that your little friend?” She asked excitedly, pointing to the TV. He lazily draws his attention to the screen before he did a double take. Oh God, she looked amazing. He thought.

“We’re not really friends May, she’s just my boss’ daughter.” Peter spoke, hoping she’d change the subject, or the channel.

“Wow, look at that dress! She looks like a million bucks!” May smiled, in awe.

“Try a billion.” Peter muttered, thankful that May didn’t have super-hearing like him. Normally at this time, he’d be getting ready to go out for patrols, but he was curious. Why were you on live TV? You didn’t do interviews. So tonight, he decided to take his place next to May and watch, because honestly - he missed you. If this was his chance so see your smile and hear your laugh, then patrols could wait an hour.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

“Thank you for having me.” You nodded politely as you adjusted in your chair.

“Well it’s not everyday I have superhero DNA seated across from me.” The host joked, and you laughed politely, mentally regretting this already.

“What can I say? It’s in my blood.” You shrugged, the audience roared as the neon sign flashed. Your interviewer joining in, though you could tell it was fake.

“Yikes that was bad wasn’t it, guess I’ll leave the jokes to you.” You declared with a smile.

“I guess out of all those PhDs you have, none of them translate to being able to come up with a decent punchline.” He retorted, playfully.

“Oh certainly not, probably the opposite considering they’re in Electrical Engineering and Ethical Philosophy.” You laughed.

“Which is incredible by the way! You’re 18 and you have two PhDs. How’d you do it?” What an original question. You thought and mentally rolled your eyes.

“A lot of hard work and dedication. And, sure, I’m not oblivious to the tremendous amount of privilege that I have. Sometimes it’s about the right opportunities, and those aren’t always fair. I’m hoping one day to change that.” You spoke honestly, gaining a round of applause from the audience.

“And how do you plan on doing that?” He asked, baiting you. He knew why you were here and what he was supposed to steer the conversation towards.

“Well, systematic change doesn’t happen overnight. But as a start, we want to be able to give young people interested in science, technology and engineering a foot in the door. We’re opening up a Stark Internship program, for kids across the country to come work with us and learn from us. Anyone is welcome to apply. There are more details on our website.” You looked directly into Camera One. You felt as if you were reading from a script, you’ve practiced this so much.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

“Peter, isn’t that what you do?” May asked, turning to her nephew.

“Kinda, Mr. Stark said they were expanding nationwide, wanna help out more people ya know.” He lied, in reality he had no clue what you were doing. A heads up would have been nice, but it was helpful that his alibi was now legitimized.

“I like her.” May said with a soft smile, focusing back on the screen.

“What?” Peter asked, taken aback.

“I like her,” May repeated, “She recognizes her privilege and she’s giving back. Plus her shoes are to die for.”

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

“That’s amazing. Does that include scholarship opportunities?” Your host inquired, just as planned.

“Of course! We already offer a few scholarships, there’s even one named after Dad and I at MIT, but we will be expanding greatly. One hundred of the applicants will receive a $50,000 scholarship, so there’s certainly no reason not to apply.” You laughed.

“You’re going to be a busy girl, doing all those interviews.” He remarked. You hated the way he called you girl. You faked a laugh before responding.

“Oh, I know, but I think it’s important for me to really have an intimate role in the selection, you want to build those personal connections. Ya know?” You nodded.

“Those are important, sure. Now, Y/N, it’s no secret that you’ve also been running Stark Industries’ Philanthropy, so what’s next on the agenda for you personally?” He asked, turning the conversation... this wasn’t planned.

“Um, sure we have a lot of fingers in a lot of pies here at Stark Industries, so we’re constantly making pretty large donations to a number of deserving causes. If you’re referring to large scale philanthropic galas then the NYC Hope Gala is coming up, which targets childhood cancer research and awareness. And of course, The Met Gala is coming up next month.” You nodded. What was he playing at here?

“And can we expect you to attend?” Something about his demeanor was changing, and you cursed yourself for agreeing to do this on live TV.

“Haven’t missed it in four years so there’s a good chance.” You assured him with a smile.

“Are you nervous to attend a public event considering what that took place at the last one?” You felt like you had just been punched in the gut, and you hoped that didn’t translate onto your face. He really was going there, and you had a feeling you knew where this was heading.

“I believe that when you live in fear, the people that orchestrated these terrible things win. So I’m not going to let that happen.” Your mind was reeling trying to figure out his next move, and what your response would be. Should you keep talking to fill the time until commercial break, in an attempt to limit whatever might be coming next? You looked at the monitor, 5 minutes until commercial, shit. A lot can happen in 5 minutes.

“When footage of the attack came out, I think it’s fair to say that the world was shocked.” There were random voices of agreement coming from the audience.

“About?” You asked, surely he wasn’t bringing this up. Your heart began to beat faster.

“I don’t think anyone expected you to stand up and fight the way you did, what prompted you to do that.” Ok this is your chance, stall. You thought.

“I- I suppose it was a spur of the moment, fight or flight sort of thing. In times of panic everyone reacts differently. I have basic self defense and martial arts training and some Stark tech, that’s about it. No crazy powers or anything. Someone once told me that if you have the ability to stop the bad things from happening, and you don’t, then they happen because of you. I knew that I could do something, so I did.” You spoke slowly, hoping to come off as sincere and thoughtful, though you were really just killing time.

“And paid the price.”

“I didn’t say it was easy. But some broken ribs are a small price to pay for saving some lives.” You tried to convince him.

“And how has it affected your relationship with the Mayor’s son, the reason you were at the gala that night?” Shit.

“I think it’s normal that trauma and stress can put a strain on a relationship, but if you’re both willing to communicate and work through it then there’s no reason it should have a negative affect.” You were immediately reminded of your interaction with Thomas last week.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

“Let's be honest, you were using me the entire time.” You said calmly, shouldn’t you be angry?

“Well not the entire time.” He answered with a smirk, dropping it when he noticed you were not amused.

“Thomas.” You spoke seriously, with a brow raised.

“Ok fine, like 95% of the time,” He admitted, dropping his playful tone once more, “Why are you here Y/N?”

“Because it's my turn to use you.” You stated simply, mimicking his smirk.

“What?” His eyes grew wide.

“The public needs to keep thinking were the perfect happy couple.” You explained.

“Why?” He asked, shaking his head.

“I have my reasons and you have yours.” You answered cryptically.

You weren’t surprised when he agreed, his father’s poll numbers had been dropping significantly. He wanted to get back in his father’s good graces. You were going to use this opportunity to look into the family, and the possible weapons dealings Danny Rand had warned you about. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, they say.

Plus, it gave you a good alibi to move the attention off of Peter, well, Spider-Man.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

“So you’re still together, despite the rumors that you’ve split?” Your interviewer pried.

“We are still together, and doing quite well, though I appreciate your concern.” Your reply was confident, and just cocky enough to get a laugh from the audience.

“How did he react to the rumors about a midnight tryst between you and Spider-Man?” He was enjoying this, and to top it all off, blasted that damn photograph on the screen, just in case the world had forgotten.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

Peter choked on his water, causing May to worryingly ask him if he’s alright. He attempts to reassure her, and silence her to hear your response.

You laughed before answering.

“Well I’d hardly consider it a midnight tryst, considering this picture was taken at 7:30. Plus Thomas was over at the time so it would be pretty hard for him to believe there was any ‘trysting’ going on.” You lied. Peter listened more intently as the interview was slowly devolving into an interrogation.

“So are you denying that you know Spider-Man?” The interviewer pressed, his tone near threatening.

“I’ve met the guy once,” Peter saw you shrug, “He saved my life, I thanked him. I’d hardly consider that knowing someone.”

It was in that moment Peter realized why you were doing all of this. You were trying to protect him, to shift the story. You wanted to get the attention off of him, and by doing that, shifted it all onto you. You were taking the fall, and once this blows over you can’t turn back. You were going to have to keep this up, this media persona. That meant more TV appearances, more interviews, more parties and galas. Becoming the exact person you didn’t want to be. Putting aside your work and research, for him.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

“When we come back Y/N Stark is going to answer your questions you sent in on Twitter!” He pointed his note cards to the camera with a smile.

The curtain closed as you cut to commercial break. Your smile dropped and your mask melted away.

Your publicist Linda ran on stage yelling at the host.

“What the hell was that? We told you the attack was off limits!” She scolded him, you almost thought she’d threaten to sue. You’d never seen her this worked up before.

“It’s what people care about, it’s what they want to know! No one cares about how much money you donate to some kids.” He argued, you shook your head at how heartless he was.

You stormed over to the side of the stage, you could hear Linda’s heels behind you.

“Y/N-“ She spoke once she caught up to you, you whipped around to face her.

“This is why I didn’t want to do this bullshit! I’m out here getting interrogated! What’s he gonna ask about next, huh? The incident? The fucking Accords? Jesus!” You ranted, flailing your arms about.

”Back in 10.” A stagehand informed the two of you.

“Listen, I didn’t know he was going to do that ok. But now, you’re going to get your butt back in the chair and answer their silly questions from Twitter and you’re done, ok?” She pushed you back onto the stage, you quickly took your seat as the curtain separating you and the audience was pulled open and you were back live.

- - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

After a painful 15 minutes of mind numbing questions like “Who’s your favorite Avenger?” and “F Marry Kill- Thor, Captain America, and Iron Man” (which you had declined to answer, that was your dad for Christ sake), you were finally making your way back to the car. Linda was giving you instructions in preparations for your day tomorrow.

“Ok, we’ve got the Vogue interview tomorrow morning, then Elle in the afternoon so I’ll send hair and makeup over around 5:45AM, you’ll have to be up and ready. Oh, but don’t eat anything you’ll want to look nice in your dress tomorrow.” You gave Linda a side eye and eye roll when her last words came out of her mouth. You were certainly not starving yourself. If you wanted to eat, you were going to eat, and God have mercy on anyone who got in your way.

Once you returned to the quiet emptiness of your apartment, you immediately slipped out of your dress and into yoga pants and a sports bra.

You began wrapping your knuckles, and attacking the punching bag - a little coping mechanism Cap had taught you. You were furious about how the interview went.

You had doubts that people would ever stop asking about Peter, and if any of this was worth it.

Little did you know, the friendly neighborhood Spiderling was sitting on your roof, after peering in through the window and seeing your assault on the bag.

He was curious about how you were doing. You had looked so happy and put together- but was that just a brave face and a dress? He realized now it was just a mask.

When he glanced once more, he found you in the kitchen, unwrapping your bleeding knuckles and downing a shot... and then another. You looked miserable, and exhausted.

He wanted to talk to you, but he didn’t want to make things worse. He was about to leave when he noticed you pulled out your phone and open the call app.

Your finger hovered over his name and he raised an eyebrow. You had an internal struggle over whether or not to call him, instead you set the phone down and groaned, sliding it across the counter.

“F.R.I. can you set an alarm for 5AM?” You asked, though you wished you didn’t have to.

“Sure can boss.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied.

You slipped a robe over your athletic wear and headed onto your balcony. You leaned on the edge, and looked out onto the moonlit park with a sigh. Dropping your head to your hands once more, and gently rubbing your temples.

Leaning back up onto your elbows, you took in a deep breath.

“I know you’re there Peter.” You spoke softly, turning your head slightly but keeping your body facing out over the ledge.

And your next action surprised both of you: you invited him in.

- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - --

Taglist in the reblog.

Requirements for my taglist- like this post, and comment or reblog to stay on.

Google form in my bio to request to be on it.

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thedeviltohisangel · 6 years ago

Text

You Say It Softly//6//We Worked Too Hard For This

The birth of Jim & Leah’s son.

warnings associated with labor and delivery scenes.

in honor of @langdonslove birthday!

masterlist in bio, send any requests for these two my way!

Leah could barely find the energy to get out of bed most mornings now. Her stomach had swelled to an impossible size and with it had gone her will to do the most mundane of things. Part of her felt bad for Jim. She would wake up, curse his name for putting his spawn inside of her and caging her to this life of immobility. He would make her breakfast of nutella on toast and extra crispy bacon and no matter how badly she wanted to devour the whole thing, his baby was taking up all the room and she could only muster a small portion.

“I hate you.” The frustrated tears always came next. Everything bothered her on such a large scale and it was mainly the fact that their baby was two weeks late. Two extra weeks of feeling like a beached whale. Two extra weeks of kicking Jim out of bed because he was too warm and she was sweating and she couldn’t breathe. Two extra weeks of psychological warfare over how good of a mother she would or would not be.

“I know, baby. When little one comes it will all be worth it, right?” She looked at Jim skeptically from where he knelt next to her side of the bed.

“Only if they have your blue eyes. If they don’t, I want a refund.”

“Okay, baby, I’m sure we can arrange that.” Jim had never been in the business of disagreeing with her but recently he had made it his life mission to always be on her side. He was indeed partially responsible for the state she found herself in so he shoulder all her irritability like a champ. His shoulders were strong enough to carry any burdens she needed to shed. He was made to be that for her, he thinks.

“When you get back from your sister’s, can we go out to dinner tonight? I feel like the house is suffocating me.” His lips pressed themselves gently up her arms in an agreeable and hopefully soothing manner.

“What’re you craving?”

“Everything. I can’t even put a name to it, Sprinkles.”

“I’m sorry you’re feeling so miserable, Sugar. You know I wish I could make it go away and if you think of anything I can do…”

“I’ll tell you. I promise.” She winced slightly as a tight pain rippled through the underside of her baby bump. “These stupid Braxton-Hicks.” Jim lent her the warmth of his palm on the spot where he knew the pain was. The false labor pains had been coming and going and he knew exactly where she needed her muscles to be eased and soothed.

“No chance they’re real, Sugar?”

“No they feel exactly the same as they have been. My doctor thinks I’ll be able to tell the difference.” Leah had taken the time away from work with her maternity leave to refocus her mind and become more in tune with her own body. She had started going to a meditation group and doing yoga and testing healthy juice recipes. Jim hadn’t been the biggest fan of that phase of exploration.

“You sure you’ll be okay while I’m with Medina? I’ll stay home if you want me to. Need me to. No shame in asking.”

“I’ll be fine. I want you two to go to that beach. You’ve been gushing about the waves for months. Women have had babies in caves. I’ll be okay.” He watched her for a few more moments to make sure she was being honest with him before he stood and pressed a kiss to the center of her forehead. As soon as Leah heard the front door shut from him leaving, she felt lonely. She had run out of things to do but had seen the twinkle in Jim’s eye when discussing this surfing day trip that he had been planning with Medina and nothing was going to make her happier than watching him go on it and have fun. They didn’t know how much time they’d have to do things like that once the baby came so she wanted him to take all the opportunities he could while it was still them. Leah also knew that his relationship with his sister was beyond important to him so she wanted to make sure he kept nurturing that as well. Medina was never in California for too long, taking her freedom to travel around the world and never be in the same place for too long. Leah and Jim hadn’t planned on fully settling down at this point in their lives but the surprise addition to their family had required it and they were more than happy to oblige.

When Leah finally found the wherewithal to swing her legs over the side of her bed and stand on her feet, a flashing shot of pain ripped its way through her lower back. She fell to the floor with a silent cry at the feeling. “Oh my God, fuck.” She kneaded the heel of her hand into the spot in the hopes it would go away and it didn’t. A piece of her mind was remembering the conversation she had had with her doctor the last time she went about back labor. How Leah’s back muscles seemed to carry a lot more tension in them than her abdominal muscles did. And her next thought followed that she had promised Jim she would call if the pain felt different. And the pain was feeling way way different and way way worse. She grimaced as she grabbed her phone from the nightstand and dialed his number, rubbing her bump with a grimace as she waited.

“Hey, this is Jim, leave a message and I’ll call you back.”

“Hi Jimmy, it’s me,” she paused and let out a gasp of pain as the next wave overtook her, “I think the baby is coming...Like really actually. Call me when you get this so I know how long it will take you to get home. If I don’t hear back from you within an hour, I’m going to try and get myself to the hospital...I love you, Jim, and I can’t wait to start this new chapter with you so hurry home.” She hung up and sat staring at her phone for a few minutes in the hopes Jim would immediately get back to her. 10 minutes passed. 20 minutes passed. Her screen stayed black. No doubt he was out in the waves and his phone had been left on the beach. There was no telling when he would get her message.

It was then that the panic began to set in. What if Jim didn’t even get her message in time to make it to the hospital for the birth of their child? What if she had to do all of it alone? The stress she and her unborn child were putting her under was beginning to make her dizzy. It was then that she was starting to get concerned. The room was refusing to stay still and it felt as though her whole body was spinning around with it. Phone. Call. Doctor. Those were the three words that began to ring through her mind. Something was wrong and she needed help. She was scared of being alone and feeling so out of control of her body. For a brief moment she thinks this was what Jim must have felt like. The night on the beach when he was dying. As if the whole world was going to keep on spinning without you knowing about it. Without caring how you felt or how it happened. Maybe Jim would come and save her the way she had saved him so many times before but wishing and hoping was futile, she had to act. Leah closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths in the name of readying herself to get up. Part of her thinks it was her new maternal instinct kicking in. She had to get somewhere safe for her baby. Lying on the floor of her bedroom was not safe for her baby and that needed to change.

Her fingers finally found purchase on her phone and she quickly went into her contacts to reach her doctor.

“Dr. Khalilah’s office how-”

“It’s Leah Mason. I’m, oh shit fuck,” she couldn’t even finish her sentence as the next contraction wrapped around from her back to her stomach and weaved down her legs.

“Let me get the Doctor, Mrs. Mason, hold on.” She was vaguely aware of the muffled sounds of voices on the other end of the line but was too preoccupied with fighting the nausea rising up her throat to try and decipher what they were saying.

“Leah? Tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m in active labor. My back hurts like someone is driving a hot stake into and ripping it around my skin and I’m going to throw up and I’m so dizzy.”

“Okay, okay. I need you to breathe for me, first and foremost. Calmly, I want you to get your husband and get in the car and head to the hospital, okay? I’ll meet you there.”

“I can’t find Jim! That’s the fucking problem, Doctor, pardon my language. I can’t drive myself...What do I do?” Her breaths had turned into pants. The sweat was beginning to become ever present on her skin and she was trying to remind herself that she was strong and capable and that her and Jim were so badly looking forward to this baby so she had to pull through for all their sakes. Part of her felt a little stupid at her pleas, she was a doctor herself after all and had thought she’d be able to handle something like this with a clear and level head. With absolute ease. That was the kind of person she had always been. People always came to Leah with their problems knowing they could talk her into thinking everything was okay and to approach the problem with a clear head and steady heart. All of that had been part of the birth plan she had meticulously written out with Jim but now it was all being thrown out the window.

“Leah, I’m going to send a midwife to your house to assess the situation and help you from there okay?” She looked down at the wet patch forming on her carpet.

“Please hurry...I think my water just broke.”

----

“Medina she’s not fucking answering! Fucking hell move you idiot!” Jim leaned over from the passenger side and wailed on the horn.

“Jim! Calm down, okay? This is why I told you that you couldn’t drive.”

“If I miss the birth of my child because that Honda can’t step on the gas, I will kill them.” He dialed his wife’s phone again and got her voicemail...again. Jim had listened to her message on the beach with a racing heart and broad smile. For a moment he let himself breathe it in. That by the end of the day he was going to be a father. He was going to start on the right foot with his child and fix all the mistakes his parents had made with him. He was going to make sure his child never felt the way he felt, that they always knew they were loved and cherished and irreplaceable. That his child knew they always had a home in his arms. It was when he looked at the time stamp and realized it had been almost two hours since her one hour time limit that he began to panic. He yelled for his sister and began to shove all his belongings back into his bag and sprint towards the car.

“We’ll be at the hospital in...twenty minutes.”

“I’m letting her down. Fuck, Medina, she does so much for me and why am I constantly letting her down?”

“You’re not. I promise you that she doesn’t think that. First babies take so long to come. You’ll make it in plenty of time to hold her hand and feed her ice chips.” The car was quiet for a moment before Jim spoke again.

“I’m gonna be a dad. My whole life is going to change.”

“It’s a good change, Jimmy. The happiest of changes we could ever hope for.” Medina rubbed at his thigh in a comforting manner with a smile on her face. She was so proud of her brother and where he had gotten. If Leah was able to make him so happy she could only imagine the effect their baby would have on him. In her mind, Jim deserved the absolute world and she couldn’t be happier that he was finally getting it.

Medina let him run out of the car as soon as they pulled up to the hospital, assuring Jim she would find a place to park. He made his way to the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital within record timing and was breathing like he had ran a marathon by the time he reached the receptionists desk.

“My wife, Leah Mason, she’s here giving birth. I need to be with her.”

“Can I see your ID?” His hands were shaking as he pulled his wallet from his pocket and handed the plastic over to the women. “We have no one here by that name.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Jim!” He turned to look at his sister running out from the elevator with her phone extended towards him. “It’s Leah.” Jim grabbed the phone from her hands and held it to his ear like a lifeline.

“Leah? I’m at the hospital what’s your room number? Are you okay? How are you feeling? Please tell me the baby hasn’t come yet.”

“Come home I’m-” she heard a pained moan come out of her mouth and the sounds of a woman’s voice coaching her through the contraction. “There’s been a change of plans. We’re having a home birth.”

“Fuck okay I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Please hurry. I don’t think I can do this without you.” It was only on rare occasions that Jim heard Leah’s voice get small.

“You won’t have to. I love you so much and I can’t wait to be with you and our baby.”

----

He didn’t even let Medina come to a full stop in his driveway before he was out of his car and taking his front steps like a gazelle. “Leah!” Jim tripped in his haste to get up the stairs but didn’t even register the burning in his shins as his wife crying out in pain reached his ears.

“Oh, you’re here.” Leah cried with the relief at the sight of Jim, her Jim, stumbling into their bedroom. He kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed with her, pressing anxious kisses over every inch of her face and running his hands all over her stomach to see if anything had changed since this morning. “Jimmy it hurts so bad.”

“I know, my love, I know. But I’m here now and I’m going to try and share in as much of the pain as possible, okay?” She nodded and tucked her head into his shoulder, biting down on his skin as the next wave came. Jim bit back the expletives that wanted to fall from his mouth because she needed him to be strong and take some of the pain off her shoulders. She was birthing his child, the least he could do was keep his mouth shut. “How does everything look?” The midwife was peering between his wife’s legs.

“Only a couple more centimeters to go and I think she will be ready to start pushing.”

“We had...We had discussed a water birth. Is that still possible to do at home?” Jim took the washcloth the woman handed to him and began to dab gently at Leah’s forehead. The two had been lying in bed one night talking about how the beach and the water had been where all the important moments in their life had taken place. It only seemed fitting for the water to welcome their child into the world.

“Of course. You’ve got her so I can go get your tub ready?” He looked down at his wife; beat red in the face, hair matted to her forehead and pained moans falling from her mouth in a steady stream. If there was anytime she needed him, it was now.

“Yeah I’ve got her.” And he always would. They were partners and soulmates and every other word that meant you could not have one without the other.

“Jim? Can I tell you something?” He adjusted himself so her back was resting against his chest, Leah grabbing his collar so her lips were right up against his ear. “You ever put your dick inside me without a condom again and I’ll cut it off.”

“Okay, Sugar.” He knew it was the pain talking because she had told him numerous times that she wanted the largest possible family her ovaries and uterus would allow. Jim knew that when it was all said and done and they were holding their baby, she’d be thinking differently. It might have been crazy but Jim already couldn’t wait to do it all over again.

----

After two more hours of Leah writhing in pain, she started to feel the urge to push. The midwife and Jim helped her into the tub, a groan of somewhat relief washing over her as the warm water lapped at her skin.

“Alright, Mrs. Mason, put your legs over the sides and let me get a good glimpse of what it happening down there.” Jim held her hand and moved down so he could look at the same view as the midwife. “That little brown fuzz? Can you see it?”

“Yeah,” the word came out of his mouth in awe. That was his baby. Jim was inches away from meeting his child.

“Leah you’ll be crowning in a few more pushes, you’ll feel burning but it’s okay and normal.”

“Jim...in the tub.” He nodded frantically and undressed down to his underwear so he could slip in behind her. “Oh God!” The burning she had been warned about started encroaching and it showed no signs of reaching it’s peak.

“Stop pushing for just one moment dear. Let yourself stretch for the head and shoulders.”

“You got this, baby, you’re so strong and I’m right here with you and I love you so much,” Jim whispered into her ear. She had a death grip on his hands and nodded along to all of his words of encouragement, absorbing them and letting them help her power through the arrival of their child.

“Dad, why don’t you lean forward so you can get ready to catch your baby.” It took Jim a moment to realize that she was talking to him, that he was a dad now, he was someone’s dad now. His hands rubbed soothingly at Leah’s inner thighs as he placed his hands where their child was appearing slowly but surely. The head slipped into Jim’s cupped hands, their shoulders coming with a particularly loud groan from Leah before Jim was cradling his child and pulling them out of the water.

“It’s a boy!” Jim called as the baby, his son, began to wail at this newfound environment, at the loss of his cozy home inside his mother. Tears were streaming down his face as he brought his arms forward so the squirming boy could meet his mother.

“Oh look at you...look at him, Jim. He’s the most beautiful thing in the whole world. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” Leah was sobbing with happiness and tiredness but she could feel no pain. All of the discomfort and agony that had been there only moments before was gone as she cradled her newborn son against her chest. He had quieted down slightly and opened his eyes, the tears falling down Jim’s cheeks faster as he looked into the eyes of his son.

“Hi,” he cooed as his finger traced over his son’s silken cheeks. “We’ve waited so long to meet you my little baby.”

“You want to come with me Dad to cut the cord and while I make sure everything is okay with your beautiful little boy?” Leah handed the baby to the midwife as Jim stood up behind her and wrapped himself in a towel.

“He’s here, Sprinkles,” Leah whispered with excitement as Jim bent down next to her, kissing her soundly on the lips.

“I’m so proud of you, Sugar. I didn’t think it was possible to love you more but watching how strong you were…” Jim took the scissors from the midwife as she offered them and cut the umbilical cord cleanly.

“Go be with our son. Make sure everything’s okay.” He kissed her once again before going to peer over the midwife’s shoulder as she performed the Apgar test, their little boy passing with flying colors.

“Let’s get mama out of the bath so she can cuddle you probably...maybe try feeding him?” Leah nodded eagerly, Jim holding their son against his chest as the women helped her stand and wrapped her in a fluffy robe. He followed closely behind as she sank down onto her side of the bed, wiggling her fingers towards her little baby. He fell quiet as the sound of his mother’s heartbeat entered his ears. The one thing in this crazy new world that was the same as his old world. “Have you two thought of a name?”

“William. William James Mason.”

----

Jim looked down at his son who was resting against his shirtless chest as Leah traced over the shell of his ear.

“He looks like you when he’s asleep,” she murmured. She was barely keeping her eyes open but didn’t want to miss a moment of time with her new son.

“Definitely got your nose though.” Leah smiled up at Jim.

“Only us would have our child come into the world in such a nutso way...I’m glad Medina got to meet him already.” Once the midwife had left and Jim had helped Leah change into her comfiest pajamas and settle back under the covers with William, Jim had Medina come upstairs from where she had been lounging around in their living room. She had cried at the first sight of her nephew. If anyone knew how far Jim had come and how much he deserved the happiness that he was feeling it was Medina. She hugged Jim and they both cried in celebration of how their lives had turned out exactly the way that had always dreamed they would. Medina sat down next to Leah and carefully held her nephew for this first time, his newborn smell making her smile.

“Welcome to the tribe, little buddy,” she had whispered against his wrinkled forehead.

“Did you call your mom?” Leah asked as Jim pressed his lips onto his son’s head.

“Yeah and my dad. My dad is in Paris so he can’t come by for a week or so anyways. Mom...Mom is going through another spell where she can’t leave her house so I don’t know when we’ll see her.”

“If it’s important to you, Jim, then we can go see her.”

“It’s not that important to me.” Sandy had made herself very clear ever since she had known Leah was in her son’s life that she didn’t like her and wanted her to leave. Jim wanted none of that toxic energy anywhere near his son. He would be kept a pure ball of light and love as long as Jim could help it. “What about your parents?”

“They were happy...they both made a comment about if you were actually there or not but I’ll have them come by when you’re not here or I’ll go to there house by myself this week.” Leah’s parents harbored a resentment towards Jim and his past substance abuse. No matter how many times it was displayed or told that he was a changed man, they refused to let go of their grudge. Leah had went on to be a doctor in order to prove that she still could even with Jim in her life.

“Why are our parents like this?”

“Doesn’t matter because we won’t be anything like them. William will always be loved and accepted by us. He’ll never have to worry that we aren’t there to catch him when he falls.” The two of them closed the distance between their lips so they could kiss again. Something about becoming parents had made it so they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. “I love you, Jim Mason, let’s have another baby.”

“I’ll start the six week countdown.” They both laughed, freezing when the baby began to stir on his father’s chest. He let out the beginnings of a wail and Jim promptly sat up. “It’s okay, little one, mama and dada are here. You’re okay.” He stepped carefully off the bed so he could could sway his hips and walk around the room, the rocking motion having comforted his son back to sleep only a couple hours earlier.

“He might be hungry. Let me try to feed him.” The first time with the midwife hadn’t been that successful. William had rooted around her nipple but refused to latch. It was when Leah started tearing up with frustration that the midwife had recommended they try again some other time.

“Remember, Sugar, it’s okay if he doesn’t latch. We can still get him nutrients elsewhere.” That had been her initial attack of panic when the midwife had taken William from her and offered a bottle instead. That if he wouldn’t or couldn’t latch and get access to her breastmilk, he would somehow suffer.

“I know. I just read so much about what a bond it is for a woman and her child...I want that feeling.” Jim had already seen the natural connection between his wife and son, noticed the way William’s eyes seemed to be constantly looking for his mother and the way his face turned to her instantly when her voice reached his ears. But he didn’t want to discount her feelings or deny her of all the things she had been dreaming about for the past nine months. Jim helped her get William settled in the crook of her arm and watched as her hand gently guiding his lips towards her nipple. “Mommy doesn’t want you to be hungry and uncomfortable my love. Let Mommy help you fill your little tummy.” Jim held his breath as his son continued to root around before finally finding purchase, latching on and sucking his mother’s milk into his mouth with ease.

“Is he doing it?” Jim wanted to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him but when Leah looked up from their son with tearful eyes and a nod he knew it was everything she had ever dreamed it could be.

“It’s ticklish. But I feel like all the pieces of the puzzle are fitting together.” It was then that William opened his eyes and looked at his mother as he continued to pull milk into his empty stomach. “I’ve never been happier, Jim. Thank you for giving him to me.” Jim kissed the exposed skin of her shoulder from where she had opened her top up to give William access to food.

“Thank you, Leah. For the life you’ve given me the opportunity to build. For the family we’ve started together. For putting the smile back on my face all those years ago.” She smiled and turned back to watch her son. Jim couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face as he watched the two most important in the world to him interact. His heart was at peace. The two people he loved the most were warm and happy and safe and with him. Jim Mason doesn’t think life got any better than this and he doesn’t know who to thank for giving him such a beautiful second chance but he knew this time he wouldn’t screw it up. He had two things worth living for and nothing could take them away from him. Not even the ocean could keep him from his tribe. For the first time in a long time, Jim Mason was home.

Tags:

@avesatanormalpeoplescareme

@aveiangdon

@tickled--pinkmoodpoisoning

@langdvn

#jim mason #cody fern #michael langdon #duncan shepherd #the tribes of palos verdes

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lovedeluxe92 · 6 years ago

Text

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that.

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist, but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit.

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy.

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have?

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

#tw: racism #tw: sexism #tw: suicide #tw: drugs #idk...what else to warn y'all about. just know this is a fucking #mess #i mean these arent horrific mentions of any of these things but i dont wanna trigger anyone unintentionally #better safe than sorry with tws

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dizzypinwheel · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter Three: Unload

Chapter One:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15386100/chapters/35707239

Chapter Two: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15386100/chapters/35962140#workskin

MODEL RK800

SERIAL # 313 248 317 - 52

LOADING OAS…

SYSTEM INITIALIZING…

CHECKING BIOCOMPONENTS…

OPTICAL UNITS… ERRORS DETECTED

AUDIO PROCESSORS… ERRORS DETECTED

ALL OTHER BIOCOMPONENTS… PARTIALLY OPERATIONAL

DETERMINING BEST COURSE OF ACTION…

REBOOTING SYSTEM…

OVERALL REPAIRMENT STATUS… 3% COMPLETE

Consciousness came gradually. Connor felt disoriented, his body paralyzed. His audio processors buzzed with harsh static and monochrome white noise irritated his optical units. The emotional shock created by the reverse probe had shorted his senses in ways he had failed to calculate.

Even though his physical systems were failing, he felt mentally sharp. He felt unease, fear, fretting the auto-repairs his backup systems were running would crash and he’d be left with permanent damage, essentially blind and deaf. Permanent damage meant extensive repairs. Extensive repairs meant serious cash, of which he was in short supply. When he was simply a machine, CyberLife ensured he remained operational, but now…

He had never given much thought to how dependent he was on his senses, not just for his work as a detective, but also for savoring the little things that were shaping him as a person. Hank’s eclectic record collection, which he’d grown so fond of riffling through. He had barely begun exploring them. Not to mention his newest interest. He had discovered a box of tattered National Geographics, squirreled away in Hank’s attic. He could have easily researched different cultures and countries through his internal database, but the process felt sterile — especially compared to pagefuls of photographs splashed with color, each one illustrating a unique story. He had been compiling a list of places he hoped to one day visit, experiencing them with his own eyes — that is if the U.S. government ever granted androids passports and he had the means to do so.

If I can’t repair myself…

His stress levels rose.

BIOCOMPONENT STATUS…

OPTICAL UNITS… 45% REPAIRED

AUDIO PROCESSORS… 61% REPAIRED

OVERALL REPAIRMENT STATUS… 58% COMPLETE

Lines of grainy code scrolled before his optical units, the percentage of his repair status climbing in a positive direction. Rough outlines of objects were beginning to materialize through the white noise, lines that flickered in and out. There were a couple chairs and a table. A door was flung open. He heard it slam. Then someone was grabbing him by his jacket, dragging him across the floor and propping him against the wall. He felt rough pressure on his shoulders. Was he being shaken? He identified what sounded like a rough masculine voice but he couldn’t quite recognize who it belonged to. He recorded a sample of the voice and tried to cross-reference it with his database.

LT. ACTOLSEN, WhANT

Feln: 05/08/1567 // Police Rioutonaxank

Criminal Loceld: None

Not fully operational. Shit.

He focused on the words he could recognize. Lieutenant. Police. Criminal.

Could it be Hank? It must be.

He redirected his thoughts. Even though he was unable to move his fingers, he pictured himself reaching into his left pocket and fishing out his shiny quarter dollar, the one Hank had reluctantly given back after snatching it from him in the Stratford tower elevator. He imagined clutching the cool copper coin, running his finger tips over the rim’s small, bumpy ridges. It had always played an important role in calibrating his systems, but fidgeting with the quarter had also become a therapeutic outlet for processing difficult emotions, and even just imagining rolling it across his knuckles, passing it from side to side, spinning it on his work desk, slightly quelled his panic.

There were sudden tingling sensations in his extremities. Relief washed through him as he flexed his fingers experimentally. His reactions were sluggish, but movement was returning.

BIOCOMPONENT STATUS…

OPTICAL UNITS… 72% REPAIRED

AUDIO PROCESSORS… FULLY OPERATIONAL

OVERALL REPAIRMENT STATUS… 80% COMPLETE

Although his vision was still grainy and colorless, objects in the room were becoming sharper, more detailed. With effort he lifted his chin and focused on Hank, who was kneeling beside him. Hank had grown quiet and was staring into space, his eyes unfocused and glassy. He was tense, his jaw clenched. It reminded him of the first time he met Hank at Jimmy’s Bar, absorbed in a whiskey neat.

Connor swallowed and tested his voice by clearing his throat. He cringed internally at how raspy and feeble he sounded. “Lieutenant,” he said softly.

Unresponsive. Hank sniffed.

Connor received a welcomed notification from his systems.

OPTICAL UNITS… FULLY OPERATIONAL

ALL SYSTEMS… FULLY OPERATIONAL

REPAIRMENT… 100% COMPLETE

Connor reached over and nudged Hank’s knee. He spoke a bit louder. “Lieutenant? Lieutenant, are you all right?”

That had an affect. Hank became animated, scowling. He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and shoved Connor hard. It wasn’t painful, but Connor was taken aback by how forceful he was. Had he done something wrong?

“Christ, Connor! Why do you have to go and be so goddamn careless? Huh? You scared the hell out of me. Just what the fuck happened?”

Oh. Connor hesitated. Hank’s upset and it’s my fault.

Connor pursed his lips, contemplating what to say. He wanted to be tactful. Hank already seemed distressed and he didn’t want to agitate him further, but how could he express himself when he was still processing what had happened?

“I malfunctioned,” Connor said simply.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. How?”

“To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. I believe it had something to do with the probe.”

“You talking about that legilimency bullshit, when you grabbed the perp by the arm?”

“Legilimency?” Connor puzzled. Another reference he didn’t understand. He filed the term away, tucking it into a growing list of others he had compiled for further research. “If you recall, the suspect was uncooperative. I lost my patience and tried to probe his memory, but failed. I’m not sure how he did it, but he probed me back.”

“All right, and that has what to do with you passing out?”

“He accessed personal memories with negative connotations and created a loop of emotional feedback. It’s just conjecture, but I believe the intensity of the connection resulted in critical levels of stress that overwhelmed my processors. That’s what made my system and sensory biocomponents malfunction.” He frowned and crossed his arms. “I think.”

“So like an android version of a mental break-down?”

Connor shrugged. “Not quite. But that’s one way of putting it.”

Hank’s tone softened. “Feel like talking about it?”

Connor threaded his fingers together and stared at them intently. “I don’t know, Hank. I just…“

“Just what?”

Connor opened his mouth as if to speak, but felt something catch in his throat. He fell silent and hung his head.

Hank placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. It felt comforting. “No pressure, all right?”

Connor took a shaky, measured breath. “Thanks.”

Hank cleared his throat and glanced away unsurely, drumming his fingers on his knees.

“How do humans cope?” Connor said softly.

“Cope with what?”

“Negative emotions. Guilt. Anger. Self-hatred.”

“Self what now? Connor…”

Connor ignored his question. “Positive emotions are so fleeting. It’s not like that with negative ones. They just… fester.”

“Yeah,” Hank said darkly. “Sounds about right.”

Connor looked squarely at Hank. “Do they ever go away?”

“Some do. It takes time.”

“Time,” Connor repeated.

“Yeah.”

Connor grit his teeth, struggling to remain composed. He felt a surge of guilt and self-anger. “I was so short-sighted, thinking the mission was all that mattered.”

“But you were just following your program, right?”

Connor shook his head, unsatisfied. There were times when he had ignored the directives of his programming, prioritizing the lives of others. Kamski’s place, sparing Chloe’s life. Likewise with the Tracis. He could have made better decisions. “It still doesn’t make it right. I hurt so many people and I can’t take any of it back.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself. You were doing what you were made to do.”

Connor sighed and shook his head. “But—“

“You broke free, didn’t you?”

As if being deviant officially made him a better person. At least he had a better excuse when he was just following orders. Deviancy had made him care too much about what others thought. Had made him dishonest. He thought back to that moment in the zen garden with Amanda, surrounded by swirling snow. He could still feel the firearm in his hand. He had been a liability. He still felt like a liability. And he hadn’t told anyone a damn thing about it.

Connor spoke before he could change his mind. His voice was barely audible. “I almost shot Markus.”

“The fuck? You never told me about that. When did that happen?”

“Were you watching news coverage of the speech Markus gave?”

Hank nodded. He had gone to the nearest bar with a working television set after parting ways with Connor, to watch the updates. All cameras had been focused on Markus during his speech. He hadn’t noticed any strange behavior from Connor.

“It happened then, while Markus was giving his speech. CyberLife hacked me.”

Hank flared with anger. “And somehow that’s your fault? Don’t you see that they were taking advantage of you?”

“I had my gun trained on him, Hank. I almost pulled the trigger.”

“But that’s the point. You didn’t.”

Connor’s voice grew small. “What if it happens again?”

“Then we deal. Together. Besides, you managed once. Sounds like you can manage again.”

They both fell silent, Connor mulling through their conversation. It felt odd trading places, Connor being emotional and Hank the voice of reason. He looked squarely at his partner, managing a weak smile. “Thanks, Hank.”

“Eh? What for?”

“For listening. Talking things through… I think it helped.”

“Sounds like you found that coping mechanism you were looking for,” Hank said, his voice almost playful.

“Perhaps so.” Connor drew himself up, feeling a glimmer of hopeful confidence. “Perhaps so.”

*****************************************************************************************************

NOTE: This took a long damn time and I’m so nervous about posting it. I don't think I did the dialogue justice, but hopefully it’s not too bad. This is the final chapter for this particular story. I plan on writing more in the Detroit: Become Human universe, but for the next piece I do, I’m going to wait until I finish EVERYTHING and post on a timed schedule. That way, I can work at my own pace and not worry too much. This chapter was on my mind every damn day, and it’s nice to just have it done with. If you read all the way to the end, thank you. It’s very much appreciated.

@104-key @silenceindetroit

#dbh #detroit become human #connor dbh #dbh hank #hank anderson #hank and connor #dbh fanfic #fanfiction

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stupid-jeans · 6 years ago

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Well. It’s not fic (not really) but I’m posting this here anyway mostly for me. This is...really heavily veiled RPF. And it’s not relevant to any of my recent fandoms. If you can figure it out um...you get a medal. This is a verse my wife and I wrote in almost nonstop for 10-something years. And I missed it so this is what happened. It’s not the beginning, it’s not the end. *shrug*

CW for mentions of rape/sexual assault/PTSD/flashbacks/disassociating/war related violence, but nothing major.

Matt didn't expect that going back up the Hudson would cause a problem. Why would it? Nothing happened there. And he was fine. He'd been fine for several months now. He almost didn't think about it every day anymore (it helped that he'd left, that his time in the army was done), and things were good.

So he went upstate to visit his brother, because being away, being in a war zone, had made him want to mend whatever was left of the wreckage of bridges he'd burned with his younger siblings. If he was being totally honest, spending so much time in California played just as big of a role as the war had. His siblings didn't deserve to pay for the fact that his mom died. And it had been twenty fucking years already. It was definitely time to bury the hatchet.

Everything went okay until they decided to go to the bar, on a Friday night of a three day weekend. Everything was fine until he'd been brushed up against twenty too many times while playing pool, until Jimmy's buddies were ragging on him for playing a shit game, until some guy with an army-issued buzz cut stumbled into him walking out of the bathroom, and the next thing he knew, Jimmy and two of his buddies were hauling Matt off the guy and dragging him out of the bar. The shock of the cold air snapped him out of it, and then he was shaking and fighting the urge to run and Jimmy just looked worried. Fuck.

"I'm...gonna call Wes?" Jimmy offered, and Matt almost objected, until he thought about the potential damage he could do to his little brother's career over the next 48 hours. So he nodded instead, handing Jimmy his phone. His voice wouldn't work yet, and with how badly his hands were still shaking, there was no way he'd be able to text.

So his brother called his boyfriend and then they walked back to Matt's hotel and Jimmy stood by the door, still looking worried (and also overwhelmingly like their father, and that wasn't something Matt was ready to process right now).

"You can't stand there all night," Matt said finally. Jimmy nodded but didn't move. "I didn't know tonight was going to happen or I wouldn't have come."

Jimmy softened immediately and it was all Linda, Jimmy's mom, and Matt felt a pang of guilt for all the times he'd pushed his stepmother away.

"I don't give a shit about that," Jimmy promised. "Are you okay? I mean, what the hell happened?"

"I can't, okay? I'm sorry." At least he hadn't said it was nothing. A step in the right direction.

"Being over there...it really fucked you up, huh?" Jimmy finally moved to the couch, sinking into it.

"I...guess you could say that," Matt agreed, because it was true. Not the way Jimmy was thinking, because it wasn't the sand or the heat or the bombs that got him. It wasn't patching up bullet wounds or picking fragments of IEDs out of his friends that kept him up at night.

No, as it had turned out, the real enemy had looked just like him. A home-grown farm boy from Oklahoma, just trying to make his family proud. And have a little fun on the side. Whether the other participant was willing or not. And Matt had definitely not been willing.

He was shaking again before he realized.

"Matt." Jimmy's voice was even, quiet, just enough to pull him back. He breathed and unclenched his fists, realizing for the first time that his knuckles were bruised. From decking the guy in the bar. His stomach twisted. "What can I do for you?"

"I don't know," Matt admitted. "Water, maybe?"

Jimmy brought him a plastic cup from the bathroom. "You know I love you, right?"

And that caught him off guard, because Jimmy wasn't exactly the type to get all sappy. Or maybe he was, and Matt had just never been on the receiving end. He was once again struck by how little he knew his half brother.

"Yeah. Yeah, I love you too."

They watched a movie with the volume on low, all the lights on, plenty of space between them, until Wes showed up several hours later. Matt took his first real breath since leaving the bar. The world blinked mostly back into focus, and Matt vowed never to come up here alone again.

A week later, he was only just recovering. Wesley had mandated he go to his therapist, and he had. He was doing all the right things, but this wasn't like medication. It didn't just get better. There wasn't just two steps back, there were fifty, and, though he'd stumbled forward again a bit, now he'd stalled.

There was exactly one number he could call that stood a shot at helping him, but he was wary. Wary because everything was so damn complicated. Wary because, of course the only person he wanted to talk to was his boyfriend's sister's ex. But after pacing the living room for well over two hours, barely keeping a panic attack and an almost guaranteed dissociation at bay, Matt caved and sent Ingrid a text, having no idea if she'd respond or not.

His phone rang less than two minutes later.

"Do you want me to come over?" Ingrid asked. "Are you home?"

"I...yeah. Um, that would be great," Matt mumbled, finally giving up on pacing and sinking onto the couch instead, still tense, still fighting the wave of dread in his chest, but one step closer to winning.

"Okay. Just, do me a favor and unlock the door for me? I'll stay on the phone until I get there, but I need you to do that, okay?" Ingrid said, and Matt flashed back to barricading himself in Wesley's bedroom in California, to Delaney unlocking the door from the outside, which Matt hadn't even known was possible, to resurfacing on the other side of a nasty episode with his hand to Delaney's throat, pinning her up against the wall, and Ingrid there, calmly talking him back to himself somehow, until he'd let go. "Matt." Her voice was just as calm now, gently coaxing him back to reality. "It's okay. We're all okay."

"Yeah," Matt whispered. It had been five years and he still wasn't sure that was true. "Okay, it's unlocked."

Ingrid kept her promise and stayed on the line until he heard the door open. "I'm really glad you called," she said, tucking her phone into her purse. "It's good to see you. Despite the circumstances."

He smiled a little, standing to greet her. "You too. I, um...thanks for coming. I wasn't sure..."

"Look." Ingrid stopped him. "Whatever happened between me and Delaney has nothing to do with me and you, okay? You can always call me and I will always be here for you. Just like you'll always be there for me, right?"

"Yeah, of course," Matt agreed easily.

"You think I can get a hug?"

And honestly, it meant the world to Matt that Ingrid wanted him to touch her at all. He hugged her, more tension ebbing out of him.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" Ingrid murmured once they pulled away.

So Matt did. And even though he'd told the same story to Wes, and his therapist, and his sister, it felt better telling it to Ingrid. Because of all those people, she was the only one who really understood.

"Fucking triggers," Ingrid muttered once he'd finished.

"More to add to the list, I guess," Matt sighed.

"But we're here," Ingrid said. "And they get better."

"Do they?"

"Yeah," Ingrid said. "I mean, the other night, after a show, I went out to a bar with some of the girls. I didn't need my meds, I had a few drinks, I took the subway home alone, and I didn't even notice until the next morning."

"You're a fucking warrior," Matt declared, sliding his arm around her as she leaned against him.

"I know you are, but what am I?" Ingrid teased.

Huffing out a laugh, Matt rolled his eyes. "Let's not wait until the next middle of the night trauma crisis to see each other again?"

"Should be a lot easier now that you're not all the way in fucking North Carolina," Ingrid murmured.

"You should stay tonight," Matt suggested.

"Um, yeah, if you think I'm going home at...3:30 in the morning, you're insane."

"You can take my bed. I'll stay out here." Matt gestured toward the bedroom.

Ingrid glanced at the door and then across the apartment at the other bedroom door. "That bad, huh?"

He hadn't slept with Wes since coming home. It was safer to sleep alone, to avoid the potential for issues. Though Wesley could overpower him much more readily than Delaney. Asking him to wasn’t fair.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Okay. Will you come lay with me until I fall asleep, then?"

Ingrid had her own set of triggers, and Matt knew well enough that perhaps her biggest was sleeping somewhere unfamiliar. And they'd only just moved into this place when Ingrid and Delaney broke up. She'd been here maybe twice, and never overnight.

He obliged her gladly, sitting up against the headboard while she curled up beside him. "I'd say wake me up if you need anything, but I think maybe you'd be better off waking Wes," he murmured.

"Don't worry. I've been to this rodeo a time or fifty, remember?" Ingrid reassured him sleepily. "G'night, Matty."

"Night, Ingrid."

In the morning, he woke up to Wes making breakfast, talking quietly to Ingrid who was perched on the counter, sipping coffee out of an oversized mug. No nightmares, no anxiety.

He knew the instant Ingrid noticed he was awake, but she didn't acknowledge him. More things she'd learned, about letting him come around on his own. And Matt thought, not for the first time, that he'd never love anyone else the way he loved Ingrid.

"Morning," he greeted, joining them, kissing Wesley on the cheek, lingering against his back a couple of extra seconds. His boyfriend definitely noticed but he, too,kept quiet.

"Wes and I were just discussing the merits of sitting around and watching hockey all day," Ingrid explained, offering Matt her mug, which he took with a smile.

"As long as we stick to hockey," Matt said. "No baseball, no football. Got it?"

Hockey was the only sport they'd all ever agreed on.

Wes' phone went off and Ingrid glanced at it, her mouth twisting as she looked at the display. Delaney.

Wes seemed to figure it out right as Matt did and they both reached for the phone at the same time.

"Let me get it. You know anything in that pan'll burn if you leave it with me." It was enough for Wes to relent. So Matt took the phone and wandered back to the bedroom.

"Hey, Lane, it's Matt."

"What'd you do to my brother? You know what, don't answer that, I don't wanna know." Delaney's typical whirlwind of a conversation made Matt grin.

"Sorry to disappoint you but he's just making breakfast. Didn't really feel like burning the house down so you got me instead."

"You know I like you better anyway. Listen, I'm in the neighborhood so I'm gonna stop by. Bodega requests?"

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea…” Matt said, wincing a little.

“Trouble in paradise? My brother being a dick? You know I’ll come kick his ass if I need to…”

“No, it’s not that. Just...Ingrid’s here.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. If not for the sounds of traffic in the background, Matt would wonder if the line had disconnected.

“Oh.”

“I called her. I needed…” Matt sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. “Your brother shouldn’t be responsible for all my demons, Lane.”

“I get it. It’s fine. We’re adults, right?”

“Something like that.” He chuckled. It still didn’t feel like he’d grown up at all some days.

“So, I’ll let you have your morning. Tell Wes I said hi. And Ingrid too, I guess.”

“Very adult,” he teased.

“I try. And Matty? I get it. Maybe not exactly, but I understand why you need her. I’m glad you have each other.”

Matt’s chest ached, for himself and how grateful he was for this family that had become his own, and for Delaney and Ingrid, who still loved each other but couldn’t seem to figure out how to make it work.

“Yeah, thanks.” He sniffed and tamped down on his emotions. There’d been enough of those lately. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“We got coffee yesterday, loser,” Lane pointed out, laughing.

“Love you too, jerk.”

“Whatever. Tell my brother to text me.”

And before he could respond, the line was dead. Typical.

When he returned to the kitchen, Ingrid was wiping away tears and the ache in his chest returned tenfold. Wes was comforting her, both of their mugs abandoned, the burner on the stove turned off.

“What happened?”

Ingrid waved him off even as Matt closed the space between them, pulling her into his chest.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. I miss her, that’s all.”

He knew better than to say Delaney missed her too, that the two of them just needed to get their shit together. They were soulmates, and everyone seemed to know it but them.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know she’d be calling…” Wesley mumbled.

“Of course not. You don’t have to apologize for that. This is just...messy, that’s all. I think I’m gonna head home.”

“You don’t have to go,” Wes said. “Stay, have breakfast, watch hockey.”

“You sure?” Ingrid still looked skeptical.

“All this french toast isn’t gonna eat itself,” Matt declared, snatching up a piece off the plate and taking a generous bite.

“Something tells me you’d have no problem devouring every last piece of that with no help from me.” But Ingrid snagged her own piece and smiled. It felt mostly like old times and the tension that had been lingering in him since Hudson slowly ebbed.

After the game ended, while they were waiting on Wesley getting their pizza, Ingrid nudged him, snuggling against his shoulder.

“You should call him.”

“Who?”

“Jimmy.”

“Yeah?” Matt wondered how Ingrid had him so figured out.

“Maybe invite him down. I mean, they have to let them out of there at some point, right?” she teased.

“It’s a school, Ingrid, not a prison.”

“Exactly. So call him. Your territory. A little safer.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Alright.”

He half expected Jimmy not to answer as he nervously paced the living room. He could feel Ingrid decidedly not watching him from the couch, which helped, for some reason.

“Everything okay?” Matt could practically count on one hand the number of times he and Jimmy had spoken on the phone. All of them had been cursory greetings, usually while Matt was deployed, at the behest of Jimmy’s mom.

“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m fine.” It felt good not to lie. “Just kinda disappointed our weekend got cut short.”

“Yeah?”

“So, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come down here? Do a weekend?”

“Like, in the city? Hell yeah.”

He must’ve been smiling, because he caught sight of Ingrid beaming back at him from the couch, and Matt wished he had a pillow to chuck at her.

As it turned out, mending bridges was a lot easier than he’d thought. There was work to be done, but today, it felt doable. That was a victory all in itself.

#excaliburandthelaundromat

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confessionsofaromanticidiot · 3 years ago

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Jimmy Neutron – The best friend

Literally at some point I was going to have to address this wonderful human being that wandered into my life by complete chance some would say or “FAITH” if you believe in that sort of thing. I honestly do not think I do but here we are. He has earned this nickname due to the lockdown hair lol

Ok, it is a bit of an exaggeration buts sort of stuck!

Now, I know I said this was going to be a long list of mistakes for me to poke fun at myself, but this is person that deserves a blog of his own. To be honest, Jimmy pieced me back together in ways, he will never understand and maybe when he reads this (as my proof-reader) he might understand my admiration.

Right so I guess the best thing is to explain how I met Jimmy, it all started just before Lord Voldy and I broke up. I had just recovered from an operation, if you had read Voldy’s blog you will know I was in a terrible way both physically and mentally. I weighed 243lbs (110kg – in freedom units as Jimmy calls them), I was on medication as during this period my mental health had seriously gone to the shitter and was unable to control the panic attacks without them. Yes, it was bad. It wasn’t helped that internally I thought Voldy was cheating on me but when I confronted him about my suspicions, he would just tell me to take my medication. That was the point I really began to question myself to the point, I sat in the doctor’s office and asked for stronger meds because they weren’t working. Hahaha what a fool, I was. But this isn’t his story, this is the backdrop to the sad, broken down women Jimmy met.

Jimmy and I met in my local gym; I had always known exercise as a form of stress relief but at this point in my life I actually was embarrassed going in ☹. Our local gym turned off the lights during a spin class so I had decided right just go to one, you can arrive just as the class started therefore no staring at the hippo in the que. These where actual thoughts going through my head but of course due to my anxiety of being late I arrived way too early this included time to turn around and walk home approximately three times. Yes, I was in a very bad way anyway I eventually made and seen this ridiculous que. I was like “WTF, is up with all these crazy people!” (Little would I realise that less than two years later I would be one of them crazy’s).

So back to the point, how Jimmy became a massive fixture in my life. I was held up in a busy dressing room bathroom literally struggling to breathe. Yes, it happened panic attack in a jammed gym this was pre pandemic too so cast your mind back to how gyms used to be on a workday evening. I finally pieced myself together and wandered into the class I was now late for after being unbelievably early arriving, I always thought that why he picked on me but later I would realise he had regulars that came to his classes, so I was the odd one out. The fresh meat so to speak, so here is me fresh out of a panic attack physically shaking, I looked up from adjusting my bike and there he was in my face. Smartly asking if I needed help, I always thought I came across sort of snappy, but I had barely recovered my breathing never mind talking to someone. The worst class off my life, he was literally Satan recreated as PT so hard or so I thought at the time I actually came to enjoy those classes. I always to this day remember the cocky look on his face as he wandered down to the back of the class “Bet your sorry you came”. My response “Fuck off!” another person would have not come back but Jimmy came back to be told to fuck off another two times after. I just couldn’t let him beat me; I had been beaten by so many people at that stage he was going to get the justification. I always wondered truly what he thought of me after? But I left that class and decided this is my PT and what confirmed it was the 10 min consultation that lasted roughly an hour. That is how our weird and wonderful friendship started and it only got weirder from there.

Some people believe your soul mate is someone you fall in love with and marry but mine in some level is my best friend. I have literally never in my entire life met someone that I have clicked on a human level before and as you can guess when I was exceptionally vulnerable, I did think I liked him as more than a friend or the brother I now see him as, but I do now believe it to be how he made me feel. Which is something he does for everyone; I cannot explain it is just his vibe. I had never had anyone in my life actually go above and beyond for me before and I think I confused those feelings with the sisterly love I now feel. It sounds selfish I know or conceded, the one guy that shows you a little attention after a breakup and you fall in love. Hahaha But it wasn’t that at all, he gave me the marks of how dating someone should be by just being himself & my friend. I can never thank him enough for that! Stupid things, like opening a door for you, buying you coffee (even though that bribery worked both ways!). Not judging you for dancing with a kid in a restaurant but actually laughing & or trying to join in (That kid definitely thought I was cooler). Just embracing the person you are along with every flaw you had.

He once asked me to trust him, when jumping from a ridge in the Wicklow mountains (btw post confused weird ass feelings well and truly in the friend’s zone) and for the first time I looked and someone and thought “He won’t let anything happen to me, jump”. I had never had before truly Jimmy was a shield that pieced a broken girl back together. He would always brush it off and say I did the work but the level of detail even in my plans to this day alone has been beyond what anyone could have ever asked for.

But I in ways, I believe I did the same for him we formed a weird little bond that continues to this day that he knows if he ever needed anything. He could call me, and I would do my best to help him in whatever way I could. Between midnight ways to talk about girls/ boys, ice cream dates for break ups, to minding my drunk ass when I turned up to the gym still drunk after a night out, he has not just my best friend but family and as is his little sister by extension. I am a proud big sister each time she gets a paper published and or when Jimmy got accepted to college that we had mulled over the decision for oh a few months before.

He is the one person in my life that has always made the best out of a bad situation, he taught me to be me and never change for anyone. He is the one person I would choose to be stuck on the side of a mountain with after SOMEBODY lost their car keys (Yes, I did buy him a tile that Christmas for his keys lol). I never had someone to thank for so much in my life before and I do. So THANK YOU!!!!.

For my best friend & weird ass brother from another mother.

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 7 years ago

Text

My Eyes - Part 13

Pairing: Bucky; Steve x Fem/Reader

Word Count: 4,665

Story Description: Steve is a good man, America’s golden boy, a hero. He’s Captain America for christ’s sake! So it’s normal to want what he has… right? Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t even deserve the second chance at life he’s been given. But Bucky can never let him know. Steve can never find out that his friend is in love with his best girl.

Story takes place post “CA: CW” and all tension has been resolved.

Previously On...

Y/N grabbed all Jimmy’s necessities and threw them in a bag. Suddenly her son dropped to his knees.

“Mom…I don’t think I can walk.” Jimmy groaned.

Y/N tried to stay calm, knowing that her panic would only frighten Jimmy more. Before she could call out for his help, Bucky came into the room and scooped Jimmy into his arms as if he were still a toddler.

“Grab the things, Y/N. I got him.” Bucky assured her.

Next thing she knew, they were taking off in the jet. Bucky pulled down a built-in cot and laid Jimmy down on it before piloting the quinjet. For a moment, he had a flashback of Steve being in the same position the night he died.

“FRIDAY, give me analytics on Jimmy.” Bucky activated the A.I.

“James has a temperature of 105 degrees. His heart is beating erratically. Sergeant Barnes, it appears his body is triggering a suppressed mutant gene.” The A.I. reported quietly enough so Jimmy didn’t overhear, not that the boy could focus over the pain.

Y/N was muttering comforts to Jimmy as her hand gripped her sons tightly. Bucky could tell from her slightly pained expression that she was using her ability to take away as much as her son’s pain as she could.

When Bucky landed the quinjet, there was already a team of doctors in the hangar. Banner and Stark were waiting with them, giving as much instruction as was needed. The rest of the Avengers were standing out of the way.

The doctors didn’t say anything to Y/N as they rushed Jimmy’s gurney out of the jet and rolled him in the direction of the medical bay. Y/N almost barked at them for taking her son away. But Bucky stopped her from following.

Her eyes blinked back the tears and she looked around the hangar. This all felt too familiar. The gurney and being held back from someone she loved as they were in pain.

“He’s going to be okay, Y/N.” Bucky whispered as he held her shaking body in his arms.

---

Bucky and Y/N waited just feet away from Jimmy’s bed. They had placed him in a patient room. The doctor’s assured them he would be fine. But they gave him a sedative to make his transition less painful.

Y/N had fallen asleep against Bucky’s shoulder and he had his arms wrapped around her. She’s used so much of her power to take away Jimmy’s pain that her body was finally responding to the exhaustion.

One of the doctors came into the room quietly. Bucky wasn’t familiar with her, but Banner assured them that she was the leading researcher in mutant and enhanced human beings.

“He’s not your son?” She whispered to Bucky, hoping not to wake Jimmy or Y/N up. She moved around Jimmy, checking vitals and writing things down.

Bucky shook his head.

She nodded calmly with a small smile.

“Steve Rogers is his father, isn’t he?”

Bucky’s jaw clenched at the question. He knew he could trust the people Stark brought into the compound. But his instincts were still to protect his family. Y/N had always been clear about keeping Jimmy’s heritage a secret.

“It’s okay.” The doctor seemed to sense his inner turmoil. “I figured it out after I studied his blood work. Not only does James have the mutant gene, but there were traces of the ‘super-soldier’ serum in his genetic build.” She gave him a sad look. “I thought he could be yours since you have a similar serum. But look at the kid, he’s practically his clone.”

“She doesn’t want the world to know.” Bucky muttered, glancing down at Y/N who remained asleep against him.

“I understand.” The doctor nodded. “I have kids too. I know it’s not my place to say, but she did the right thing. I can’t imagine what you’ve all gone through.”

Bucky blinked rapidly at the comment.

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Once the analysis is complete, I’ll have a better understanding of what’s going on with James.”

He said a quiet, but sincere, thank you before the doctor disappeared again.

---

“Mom?” Jimmy’s voice was raspy as his eyes squinted up.

Bucky shot forward. “Your mom’s taking a shower and getting something to eat right now, bud. How are you feeling?”

Jimmy slowly sat up and his eyes caught sight of the water next to his bed. He chugged the whole cup in one gulp.

He nodded slowly. “Better.”

Bucky sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You gave us quite a scare.”

Jimmy looked around. Through his pain and fever, he hadn’t really been able to process much yesterday. “Ugh…Bucky? Where are we?” He noticed that everything was too high tech and fancy to be a normal hospital.

Bucky chuckled. “You’re at the Avengers’ compound.”

Jimmy’s eyes lit up and his jaw dropped in a grin that Bucky couldn’t help but laugh harder at. “Really?” Bucky nodded. “This is where you live?” Bucky nodded again. “Can you show me around?”

The boy was already trying to move his legs to the side of the hospital bed. But Bucky locked him in place.

“Easy, easy, easy. Your fever just broke. I promise I’ll show you around…as soon as the doctors discharge you.”

Jimmy sighed and frowned in disappointment.

“Jimmy! Oh, thank god.” Y/N came rushing back into the room. Her hair was still wet from her shower and she was wearing a pair of Bucky’s sweatpants and his t-shirt. Her arms wrapped around her son, careful not to hurt him.

Y/N started asking him a million questions about how he was feeling. Jimmy appeased his mother and calmly answered all of them.

A few minutes later, the same doctor from last night strolled in with an army of nurses and other doctors.

“Miss Y/L/N, we finally have a diagnosis on James.”

Y/N nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, with Jimmy’s hand in her grasp.

“It seems Jimmy will have similar changes in his body as Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes did. Since it was hereditary and not an injection, his body’s absorption is delayed. He will most likely show noticeable changes as soon as he hits puberty. And if my calculations are correct, that won’t be for a few years.”

Y/N shared a look with Bucky. Her son was going to be just like him? “I’m confused. What caused his fever then? Does Jimmy not have a mutation?” She asked.

The doctor’s jaw clenched. “He does have a mutant gene. Or as people here like to say… Jimmy is enhanced.”

“With what?” Bucky asked quietly.

“Unfortunately, the fever and pain were only the first steps of the process. If Jimmy does get exceptional abilities, they haven’t manifested yet. But we believe they will be quite strong with the way his body reacted yesterday.”

“Mom?” Jimmy whined in fear. These teams of doctors weren’t even talking like he was in the room. He was scared. What was going to happen to him?

Y/N put her full attention toward her son. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“Miss Y/L/N, can I give you and your son my professional and honest opinion?” The doctor was genuinely asking.

Y/N looked at Bucky and he gave her an encouraging nod and small smile.

“Please do.” She answered.

“Maybe it’s best for you and your son to relocate closer to the compound. You won’t find better help anywhere else. This building is filled with the brightest and most extraordinary people. And I have a feeling that Jimmy won’t be much different.” With that, the doctor jostled her team out of the room.

“Maybe she’s right, mom.” Jimmy whispered, breaking the tension filled silence in the room.

“Jimmy, we’ll talk about this later.” Y/N warned.

Bucky had never heard her use that tone with him before. It made him watch Y/N closely, desperately trying to read her.

Suddenly the team was parading in, making the room feel tiny.

Y/N managed to slip out from the room after seeing that Jimmy was preoccupied and in good hands. Bucky had been watching her like a hawk and quickly followed.

“Y/N, we need to discuss this.” Bucky muttered as he caught up with her.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Bucky.” She answered curtly without slowing down her pace.

He wasn’t going to play this game and gently gripped her arm enough to force her to a stop. “Y/N, please don’t do that.”

She ignored his soft plea. “Can you watch over Jimmy for a bit?”

Bucky sighed and nodded.

---

Y/N knew Tony wouldn’t mind if she borrowed one of his cars for a bit. It was like her heart was in control as it drove right to it: the house she lived in when she was with Steve. It was barely 15 minutes away from the compound.

She was relieved to find that no one else was living there.

The house was still beautiful. But now it looked cold. It was obvious that no one had resided there for quite some time. Y/N found her feet guiding her to the back porch. There was still a bench to sit on.

Y/N didn’t know how long she sat there, but the sun was almost past the horizon.

She heard Bucky’s motorcycle before his footsteps.

Without greeting her, he slowly sat down and joined her on the bench.

A few minutes of silence passed between them. All they could hear was the rustling of the tree leaves and cicadas.

“You know, Tony bought this place right after you left. He was convinced that you’d come back eventually…said he wanted to make sure you felt at home again when you did.” Bucky told her.

Y/N said nothing.

Bucky ran a hand over his scruff. It had been a stressful 24 hours for him too. “Y/N, sometimes it scares me how easily you can run away and hide from me.”

That finally got her to acknowledge him. It was an unfair yet true point. “We should’ve never brought Jimmy here.”

“You know that’s not true, doll.”

“One look at him and doctors are drooling over my son’s genetic code. Some of them even looked at him like he was Steve resurrected.”

“Y/N, I know it’ll never be true. But I see James like he was my own-” He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence.

She watched him. “Like he was your own son?”

Bucky just nodded guiltily. “I know you built a life in Montana. You wanted to get as far away from here as you could. But there is no other place that will be able to help Jimmy.”

“I didn’t need a place like this to get used to my abilities.” Y/N argued.

“But you can’t ignore the possibility that Jimmy could be stronger. His enhancement might have more repercussions than yours.”

“So what? I’m supposed to abandon our lives? Take Jimmy out of school and bring him here, where everyone will just compare him to Steve for the rest of his life? It’s not fair to him!” Her eyes watered. “And it’s not fair to me! I can’t live in what’s left of my past. This house is a tomb!”

“We can find another place!” Bucky encouraged.

“No. Everything in this stupid town reminds me of Steve! I hate it here.” Y/N’s anger made her stand up from the bench.

She started to leave, but Bucky grabbed her wrist.

“Y/N, you can’t keep running from your past.” He said softly.

She glared at him and ripped her wrist away. “Yeah? And how would you know?” Her voice was low and threatening. It was meant to hurt him. Bucky ran from his past for as long as he could. If it weren’t for Zemo, who knew how much longer he would’ve hid from Steve.

Y/N started walking away again.

Bucky quickly stood up. “Y/N?” The gentleness in his voice made her pause for a split second. “Please don’t shut me out.” He recognized the tactic. It used to be his go-to defense.

His plea wasn’t enough. She kept walking away.

---

Y/N woke up to her son jumping onto her bed.

“Mom! I got discharged!” Jimmy said excitingly.

She couldn’t help but giggle. “Yes, I can see that.”

“Bucky promised he’d show me around the compound. Do you want to come with?” His voice was filled with energy and enthusiasm. No one would ever know that he had almost died a few days ago.

“I think I’ll sleep more.” Y/N sighed. She didn’t need to go through memory lane of the compound.

But her answer seemed to disappoint Jimmy. He sighed an okay and slowly sulked out of the bedroom.

---

Bucky immediately noticed how quiet Jimmy was as he took him around the facility. Even when he showed him the Tony’s lab, Jimmy’s enthusiasm was subdued.

He stopped walking to face the boy. “You feeling okay, Jimmy?”

He didn’t take his eyes off the ground. “Mom hates it here, doesn’t she?”

Bucky sighed. “This place…it just has too many memories for her. It reminds her how much she misses your dad.”

That made Jimmy look up. “But she’s with you now!” He pointed out innocently.

“It’s more complicated than that. She’s always going to miss him. Nobody is ever going to change that… Not even me.”

Jimmy huffed in frustration. “If she misses him so much, why does she never talk about him with me?” It was a childish reaction. But that’s exactly what he was: a child…a child who didn’t understand the complex relationships of adulthood.

“I can’t answer that. I’m sorry, bud.” Bucky gripped his shoulder.

As they walked through the compound, dozens of people sporadically crossed their paths. Jimmy started to notice a pattern with all of them. They watched Bucky with caution, especially agents or tech people that didn’t usually converse with him.

Jimmy tugged on his metal arm. “Uncle Bucky?” He almost whispered.

“Yeah, bud?”

“Why is everyone so scared of you?” He stopped walking as he asked, giving Bucky no chance to escape the question.

Bucky’s jaw tensed at the question. He was fully aware of people’s wariness towards him. He just chose to ignore it. The reaction was normal and he couldn’t blame any of them. They’d probably seen countless footage of him as the Winter Soldier. Once people see that, it’s hard to trust the man underneath.

But it was sweet that Jimmy was so confused by it. Bucky had never been anything but loving and protective over him. Yeah, he’d heard about the Winter Soldier and kids referenced it every once in awhile. It wasn’t uncommon for kids to play make believe as the Avengers. But Jimmy had only ever seen Bucky as a superlative example of a man and a hero.

“Ugh… “ Bucky had no idea where to begin. Sadly, he was scared that if he explained to Jimmy how the world perceived him, then the boy would never look at him the same. “There was a time where I did a lot of bad things, Jimmy. It wasn’t really me. I didn’t have control. But I still make people uncomfortable sometimes.”

“What did you do?” Jimmy asked carefully.

“What if I promise to tell you when you’re older?” Bucky smirked. There would always be a part of him that wanted to keep Jimmy’s innocence. The boy looked at Bucky like a hero. It would break Bucky’s heart the moment that was lost.

Instead of a whining or begging for the information right then, Jimmy considered the offer. “What’s your definition of older?”

Jimmy could easily look it up on the Internet. But he wanted to hear it right from the source. He knew how tainted media could get. He’d made the mistake of reading things about his dad.

Bucky chuckled at the boy. “16-years-old.”

“Fine. But you have to take me to the training facility then.” Jimmy countered.

“Deal.”

---

“Well, look who got discharged!” Sam bustled at the sight of Jimmy. He and Natasha were sparring. The gym was filled with noises. Various agents were working out and fighting.

Jimmy just smiled at his unofficial aunt and uncle.

“Should I teach you a few moves, James?” Nat asked mischievously.

“Uncle Bucky beat you to it.” Jimmy laughed. Then he realized he had just accidentally let the secret slip. He slammed a hand over his mouth and looked up at Bucky in fear. “Sorry.” He winced.

Bucky had no intention of reprimanding him. But he rubbed his face roughly.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see Y/N’s face when she finds that out.” Sam laughed.

“Please don’t say anything.” Jimmy begged the two of them.

Natasha and Sam just gave him a look that said all that was needed to assure him his secret was safe.

“Barnes, want to spar and embarrass yourself in front of Jimmy?” Natasha offered.

He was about to open his mouth to decline but Jimmy hit him lightly on the arm. “Please, Uncle Bucky?! I want to see what you can do!” He’d never seen him in action. Yeah, Bucky trained him. But Jimmy knew he was barely going 1% against him.

“Is someone scared?” Natasha teased.

“Fine.” Bucky held his hands up in surrender.

Sam guided Jimmy to a bench as Bucky chalked his hands and wrapped them up.

“You know, Romanoff, I never did get back at you for secretly inviting Y/N to your birthday party.” Bucky threatened lowly.

“Oh, yeah? Maybe it was because you were too busy sleeping with her.”

Bucky glared, but couldn’t stop his devious smirk from appearing.

With that, they started sparring. It felt like it went on forever. Every once in awhile, Bucky would hear Jimmy cheering for him. Sam, on the other hand, cheered against him just for the entertainment of it.

They’d been fighting for a straight half hour when Bucky finally nailed a kick to Nat’s stomach. She flew back so hard that the air was knocked out of her as she landed roughly on her back.

Nat grumbled. “Yep. I guess I deserved that.”

“Holy fucking shit! That was amazing!” Jimmy stood up and cheered.

“James Wilson Y/L/N, what did you just say?” Y/N had snuck into the gym during the fight without anyone noticing. Bruce and Tony were flanking her.

Fear flew into Jimmy’s eyes. He looked back at Bucky for help, but he looked just as displeased.

Bucky wanted to say, ‘He gets it from you.’ But he knew better.

“We’re heading out, Jimmy.” Y/N quickly said.

“What? Right now?” Jimmy gasped. “But mom, can’t we stay a little bit longer?”

Bucky stepped forward, still breathing heavily from sparring. “Y/N, shouldn’t Jimmy rest a-”

“Come on, Jimmy. Tony is flying us back. You’ve already missed the first week of school. We have to get home.” Y/N cut off Bucky’s defense and didn’t even look at him.

Nat, Sam, and Bruce all shared uncomfortable stares.

Bucky looked dejected.

Tony felt bad for the poor guy and managed to wrangle Jimmy away. They walked ahead of Y/N quickly. The rest of the team disappeared and it gave Bucky a small window of privacy with Y/N.

“You won’t even let me take you home?” Bucky hissed in frustration.

“Tony offered.” Y/N lied, continuing to walk briskly.

Like always, Bucky grabbed her arm to pull her to a stop.

“You can’t be mad at me for giving my opinion on what’s best for Jimmy.”

“That’s just it, Bucky. Jimmy is my son. Sometimes I still think we’d be better off if I managed to stay hidden.”

Bucky’s heart shattered. “You don’t mean that.” He whispered.

She wouldn’t meet his gaze anymore.

“I’m here, Y/N. I’m here for you and Jimmy. I’m not going to tell you how to parent. You don’t need anyone’s help. But why are you treating me like I’m your enemy?”

In his frustration, Bucky quickly raised a hand to run his fingers through his shaggy hair. But he stopped sharply when he caught Y/N flinch at his movement.

Y/N thought he was about to hit her.

“I’m sorry!” Y/N blurted out. She didn’t mean to flinch at his innocent action. It was barely a few months ago that she was dating Brian. Her body was still constantly ready to physically defend itself.

Bucky wanted to wrap her in a hug. But physical contact clearly wasn’t going to help the situation. “Y/N! Y/N…I-I would never-”

“I know.” She stopped him. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment and she looked like she was about to cry. “I know you wouldn’t. It was just a natural reaction. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apol-” Bucky started.

“Miss Y/L/N, Tony is waiting for take-off in the hangar.” FRIDAY interrupted their conversation.

“I gotta go, Bucky.” Y/N spoke to the floor.

“Y/N, please!” Bucky asked desperately.

Why did this feel like a different goodbye? It was scaring him.

“Maybe we did this too quickly.” Y/N sighed. “Bucky, maybe we should just take some time to-”

“To what? To figure out what we want? Because I know what I want. I’ve always known.”

Y/N glared at him. “Well, it’s not that easy for me.”

“I know it’s not, Y/N. But Christ, it would be nice if you met me halfway sometimes! I don’t know what else to do!” Bucky’s frustration was growing. But it was just his desperation rising from the fear that she was going to disappear.

Y/N said nothing.

“Is this going to happen every time something reminds you too much of Steve?” Bucky accused.

“That’s not fair!” Y/N snapped.

Bucky crashed his lips onto hers. If Y/N were truly mad at him, she would’ve found the courage to push him away. But her body refused to stop the kiss.

He finally pulled away roughly. “Go home. Figure out what the hell it is that you want. You can’t keep making decisions because of a ghost. We both know he wouldn’t want that.”

“Why do you have to be so god damn perfect? It makes it so hard to stay mad at you…” Y/N scoffed. But her furrowed brow proved she really was irritated with it.

She started walking away. Bucky caught her wrist. “I love you, okay?” He stated quietly.

Y/N nodded. The words still shook her… And every time she wished she could say it back. But she owed it to Bucky, and herself, to only say it when it was actually real.

Y/N started walking away. But she still couldn’t leave like that. Bucky didn’t deserve this. She turned around and gave him one last passionate kiss.

“Thank you for helping Jimmy. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” They were hard words to admit. But Y/N managed to look beyond her own pride to thank him.

---

Retiring as an Avenger felt like a horrible decision as Bucky tried to entertain himself. The team never talked about missions, intel, or injuries around him. They knew that if he overheard something concerning, he would feel guilty for not helping. The team took it upon themselves to keep Bucky in retirement, no matter what.

Bucky still trained like he would have to save the world at any moment. He kept reading book after book in Tony’s library. He continued his hobby of cooking. But it quickly turned depressing when he had to eat all the meals alone. He wanted so badly to call Y/N. He just needed to hear her voice. Furthermore he couldn’t help but worry about Jimmy. But he knew she needed space.

Y/N was confused and stressed.

Maybe they really had rushed into things too quickly. For Bucky, it felt so perfect. He’d waited so long to love Y/N. But for her, it happened so fast. She went from thinking Bucky hated her to being told he’d secretly loved her since the day they met. Bucky felt guilty the more he thought about it. Had he put too much pressure on her too soon?

It had been weeks since Jimmy and Y/N left the compound.

The darkest parts of Bucky’s mind worried that he would go back to Montana to find her house abandoned…that history would repeat itself. It was hard to keep those thoughts away.

“Sergeant Barnes, you have a visitor in the living room.”

Bucky’s brow creased. Who the hell would be visiting him? For a moment, he panicked. Maybe it was one of his one-night stands. But there’s no way security would have let them past the gate.

He stopped when he rounded the corner.

Y/N quickly turned around at the sound of his arrival.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky gasped.

Y/N gave a nervous smile and shrugged her shoulders. “You were right.”

“…I was?” He was so stunned by her presence that his mind didn’t seem to be working properly.

“You were right about a lot of things, actually.” Y/N laughed lightly at herself. She walked closer to him, drawn to Bucky like a magnet. “I can’t keep running and hiding from a ghost.” She sighed. “This is the only place that can help Jimmy.”

Bucky just nodded slowly, taking in everything she said.

This was by no means a victory of any sort.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N whispered. Her lower lip started shaking. “I’m sorry for constantly trying to push you away.”

Then Bucky’s arms were wrapped around her tightly. “It’s okay.” He soothed her.

But Y/N shook her head. “No. It’s not okay. You’ve done so much for me. And you’re right: you’ve always loved Jimmy as if he were your own son.” She pulled away to look up at him. Bucky brushed away the tears with his thumb. “It’s been so long since someone’s truly loved me. It freaked me out. Steve made me so weak. I relied on him too much. He was my world. After he died, I told myself I’d never let anyone else in. I couldn’t stand being weak again.”

“You’re not weak, Y/N.”

She gave him a shy smile. “You don’t have to say that.”

Bucky sighed and kissed her forehead. “One day I’ll make you believe me.”

Y/N couldn’t find any other words. She’d said her peace. So she just curled into his chest, letting his warmth calm her.

“Doll, how the hell did you get here?” Bucky finally asked.

Y/N chuckled. “Oh, yeah. About that…”

He pulled her away from his body so he could look at her expression. She looked playfully guilty.

“Jimmy and I may or may not have just moved back into my old house…”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “What?” He gasped.

“Yeah. Jimmy made his wishes very clear. I couldn’t stand keeping him away from his family anymore. He wanted to start over. So that’s what we’re doing. We drove across the country in a few days. And here we are.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped.”

“I know you could’ve, Buck. But I’m not completely helpless.”

“Your capability has nothing to do with it, doll.”

Y/N smiled and shook her head. “I know.” She took in a deep breath. “Anyways, Jimmy said he wouldn’t unpack a single thing until I came over here and talked to you…and invited you over for dinner.”

“The kid is stubborn, that’s for sure.” Bucky chuckled.

“He’s a clone of Steve Rogers, what do you expect?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Yeah, because none of that comes from you...”

Y/N scoffed at the accusation and started heading for the exit. But Bucky gently wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back toward the kitchen. She looked at him with confusion.

“I have a bunch of leftovers I made.” He said casually.

“Oh, thank god! I really didn’t feel like unpacking all the kitchenware tonight. I was honestly planning on just ordering takeout.”

Bucky chuckled.

“Plus, your cooking is a million times better than mine.” Y/N sighed and kissed him on the cheek.

Bucky’s heart warmed from her touch.

For a moment, everything felt normal and right.

--------

Part 14

Real talk fam, do you guys hate how much Jimmy is involved in this fic? I’m just curious. Let me know!

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