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ddarker-dreams · 11 months

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Nexus V.

Yandere Blade x F Reader.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, possessive behavior, codependency o'clock, implied/mentioned not SFW, coercion and mommy issues. Word count: 10.1k.

Nexus index.

Time is a way to measure reality.

It allows the woefully inadequate mind of a sentient being to process a sliver of something greater. The senses are a sieve that retains what little they can of the universe’s riptide. Considering this, it’s no wonder the Aeons tend to keep to themselves. How long would you entertain the whims of a speck of dust? You’d gain nothing from it. The dust cannot understand, it lacks the means to properly perceive you. It simply wishes to find a nice, comfortable spot to occupy its days. It can loathe, revere, or fear you, it matters not; for in the end, it’s nothing but a speck of dust.

So why do the Aeons occasionally make themselves known? What do they stand to gain? Further power, enlightenment, entertainment?

They should’ve just kept wading through the stellar sea.

Specks of dust shouldn’t be allowed to wield even an ounce of their power.

All it does is let them destroy themselves and others in new, horrific ways.

The white rings around your mother’s pupils shine.

She subjects Kafka and Blade to concurrent curses. Cutting, snipping, trimming; their psyches are flayed one layer at a time. How she does so rivals a butcher preparing a tender cut more than a doctor performing a delicate surgery. Inky blots propagate along Blade’s vision. From this limited perspective, you can’t determine Kafka’s condition. Not that it would matter, you can barely comprehend what Blade’s going through.

Mother has to be forming a link, right?

Ideally, both parties consent to a link’s formation. This grants stability and lowers the chances of complications. An unwelcome link is treated with the same hostility as an immune system that’s noticed a germ. It’s sought out, identified, then exterminated. The host may suffer malaise for a time, but if their body is in working order, the problem will sort itself out.

There has to be more to this, you surmise. Mom, please, don’t let this be the end. You can’t. Not you.

The disease inflicted on Blade metastasizes; Kafka is likely facing a similar predicament. Memories swarm around him like locusts, buzzing and biting.

The Zhuming is the womb from which divine weapons are born. It is the warden to the subdued Flint Emperor, whose flames once burned hot enough to rival the stars. These flames will one day exterminate the rampant borisin, the young boy is certain. Whether it be in his lifetime or not doesn’t matter. No child deserves to be made an orphan. He can’t undo what’s been done to him, but he can help prevent it from happening to others.

“If you believe you are up to the task, I will take you on as my apprentice. What you do with the knowledge I impart is your decision.”

This Foxian lady sent to retrieve support for the fight against the borisin loves to chat. There’s rarely an instance where a grin can’t be found on her face, wide enough that her eyes must squish to accommodate her exuberance.

“Just focus on what you want to do, and let fate take its course."

Those who belong to the short-life species cannot grasp a nebulous concept such as ‘fate.’ This sentiment is commonly found among his fellow Artisanship Commission members. It doesn’t deter him — if anything, his resolve is strengthened. His life won’t be as long as theirs, but it will burn hot and bright before it extinguishes.

“The borisins must pay the price for their evil.”

One day, a lady with long, silver hair, who has conquered the moon and brought it to heel, approaches him. The air around here is crisp, contrasting the sweltering air of the Zhuming. She reminds him of the winters he experienced on his home planet. He had forgotten how frost stings.

“A talent such as yours shouldn’t be left to drown amidst a mediocre sea. After this visit, I’m bound for the Loufu. A seat will be made available for you. Come and reach your full potential, or, languish here where your accolades will fade from history’s recollection.”

The Shard Sword, Starfall Reverie, Cloud-Piercer, and Baiheng’s recurve bow were no longer what he treasured most. Those monumental accomplishments don’t enrich lives, it ends them. Standing here, where the ocean’s blue is more brilliant than the artificial sky, is where he’s found something akin to peace. The Scalegorge Waterscape has become a gathering place for friends. Laughter, sparring, and the burning of liquor are shared beneath the moon’s watchful eye.

He raises a cup to his lips and silently wishes this joy could last forever.

“Do you remember?”

This voice interrogated him unceasingly for answers they both knew he couldn’t give. Again and again, he’d undergo a punishment disguised as a lesson. Frost didn’t just sting, it imparted necrosis, yet what is decomposition to an immortal but a joke? Again and again, his flesh would be pierced, organs punctured with expert execution. His body wasn’t allowed the privilege to rot.

Again and again, he’d be swallowed by death, only to be spat back up, as it’s unable to digest him.

"Listen, I can always kill you again, otherwise I can't bring you back."

What he thought to be prey standing in his way turned out to be apex predators. A woman who could render him useless with her words alone and a suit of armor that reflected the sun in his weary eyes. He had to get his fill of death before considering her offer. It sounded too good to be true, but he was reminded that the universe has enough instruments to perform the threnody he so desperately wishes to hear.

“Having trouble settling on a gift? Hm… I suppose that’s to be expected. Any off-world flora you leave behind will shrivel beneath the planet’s atmosphere, unless it possesses special qualities. It’d be a bad omen to give her a lotus that can wilt. Why not try a different approach?”

He stands solitary on the cragged terrain around the LOTUS-EATER. Though she’ll soon emerge to gaze up at the starless sky, his wait won’t end there. It’ll bleed into the next day, then the day after that, on and on the cycle will spin. Destiny’s Slave promised this vortex would end so long as he remained patient. Once he fully bows down before her, damnation will be her crown. The weight of his burden is to be shared by two.

He considers the iridescent crystals in his bandaged hands.

He thought the joy he found in creation died the same day ▇▇▇▇▇ did.

This emotion’s resurrection, however…

… If it’s a sin, then what’s another addition to his list?

“Listen, Blade, snap out of it.”

The swarm falls silent.

Bright screens, the thrum of the oxygen generator, sterile colors. Kafka towers over him, implying that he’s fallen to the ground. Her complexion lacks its usual glow. While Blade stands, she reaches inside her jacket and pulls out a portable blush. She dusts the rosy powder over her cheeks.

“That was unpleasant,” Kafka sighs. She snaps the container shut. “I guess that’s to be expected from one of Noct’s Emanators. It seems you bore the brunt of it, though.”

Mom, an Emanator? You think. Maybe… maybe that means she had a chance to get away. This was a diversion that she used to go into hiding. Faking a corpse is within their skillset, Silver Wolf can hack reality itself. I only looked at it long enough to confirm her identity.

Blade places a hand on his throbbing head and grimaces. His vision alternates between different degrees of blurriness. Kafka’s positioned in front of him, which prevents you from seeing the area your mother occupied. You pray to anything that might listen for her to fucking move already.

“That trip down memory lane was a red herring,” Kafka says. “She bought herself enough time to complete her real objective.”

Even Kafka thinks so!

Instead of explaining further, she leisurely reaches for her lipstick. Your frustration boils over. You aren’t the only one feeling impatient. Blade hasn’t uttered a word, but his typical apathy ebbs and flows irregularly. Kafka hums a tune as she smears the rouge pigment along her puckered lips. This whimsical attitude shows no signs of tapering off.

Blade exhales sharply, belying his annoyance. He’s near his limit as well.

Kafka clicks her tongue. “Don’t be so impatient, you two. I’m dolling myself up.”

…‘You two?’

“Yes. Now, let me assess the damage,” Kafka switches from looking at Blade to inspecting his psyche. She gasps, playing the role of a melodramatic damsel perfectly. “Oh my. Ania did a number on you.”

This woman is insufferable, always playing coy. I swear, the next time I see her—

“Your memories of [First] Phaeales, the visceral emotions she stirs up in you; they’re growing fuzzier by the second, I presume? In an hour or so, they’ll be gone altogether. Hmm… ‘gone’ might not be the best word to describe it. Sealed away might be more appropriate.”

A premonition too cruel to put into words coils around you.

No, no, no.

“Can you fix it?” Blade strains. The hypothetical Kafka suggested encourages his mara to writhe and hiss in dissatisfaction. It crawls around his head, murmurs near his cochlea in a scratchy voice, demanding a quick fix. To be deprived of you is unacceptable, it insists. This sentencing must be overturned. It wants you, needs you and will destroy anything to have you. Himself included.

Pandemonium wreaks havoc inside his head, it’s like he barely exists. The warring influences rip away as if drawing and quartering him.

“I can’t, no. It’s beyond my abilities,” Kafka’s smile is all teeth. “Fortunately, I do know of someone who can undo it.”

His mara hushes so it may hear her out.

“Contact them,” he snaps.

“You’d get all bashful if I did. Besides, I don’t think she’d do a very thorough job if she knew the context.”

Kafka stares Blade in the eye and tilts her head like she’s posing for the camera. “Isn’t that right, Miss Phaeales?”

You think you might be living in a nightmare.

Please, no…

Blade’s heart lurches inside his chest at your mention.

“Listen, Bladie. Until [First] Phaeales undoes her mother’s seal, you’ll be unable to remember the past twenty-four hours. The second the seal is undone, this memory, on June 8th, 2153 AE, starting from Eris’ local time of 0223 and concluding at 0214, will resurface in your consciousness. It will play for her so she’s fully caught up.”

How could something this awful… ever happen…?

The edges of the memory fade and curl inward like burning paper.

“I’ll throw in some advice, just for you, sweetie. He’s bound to get tongue-tied around you, so remember to be patient,” Kafka’s suggestion is muffled. “Oh, and another thing. You might want to get a headstart while you can.”

…

You can’t breathe.

The room performs for you, rippling side to side, hypnotizing as a pocket watch. A white blur whirrs by. Clink, clink, clink, it crashes, spurting its innards in a splatter of red and glimmering gold. The sound itself seems delayed, echoing a moment too late. It isn’t in time with the opal shards that scatter like teeth along the polished floor. The deluge is offbeat, dissonant, yet the song continues.

You can’t breathe.

The percussion is ousted, making way for the woodwind section. The flutes raise and raise in pitch. This tocsin sounds shrill and consistent, stabbing your eardrums, and vibrating your bones. Dizziness makes for a distracting audience member, its dry, unblinking eyes landing on you. It opens its maw impossibly wide, tearing the tendons around its cracked lips, and swallows your head. For some reason, it cannot go past your neck, so it contents itself with gorging on your cranium like it’s sucking candy.

You can’t breathe.

There’s something living inside your throat. A parasite, leech, or slug, maybe. It wriggles back up whenever you try swallowing, like jello on a wobbling plate. The tiny hairs along its gelatinous body tickle your esophagus. You’re always on the precipice of choking, but not quite. It delights in the warm and moist cavern you’ve provided.

You can’t die because it wants more from you.

You can’t be reduced to a husk because your vitality sustains it.

You can’t breathe, you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe—

Something awful touches your skin and you want to burn the residue it leaves behind.

“[First].”

You scramble back until your spine hits a cold, solid surface. A hand retracts.

What is this thing before you? It’s tall and has eyes like vats of blood. You see your reflection held captive inside the crimson miasma. The woman it shows resembles you in some ways and doesn’t in others. She looks afraid. Sickly. Lost somewhere between the junction of life and death. Traipsing, testing the fraying line’s integrity. One wrong step guarantees a plummet to inconceivable depths.

“[First].”

“Don’t,” you rasp, your voice wobbling like a transmission with a poor signal, “Don’t you fucking dare come near me!”

He listens. For now, at least. You’d be a fool to mistake stalling for surrender. You press your back into the wall hard enough to ache. The enclosed space seemingly shrinks around you. You press a trembling hand over your heart, feeling how it hammers against your chest cavity. The room’s air is stifling. Your sympathetic nervous system can’t decide its course of action. Should the little oxygen you’re inhaling go to your brain or your heart? Delegation is a tricky endeavor.

Blade’s gaze eats you alive.

He’s starving and you’re the only thing that can fill him.

The manifestation of his mara frightened you less.

Mom, what have I done? What can I do?

“You should sit,” he says. You want to rip his vocal cords to shreds. “There’s nowhere to run and you know better than to fight.”

As if he had to remind you.

The Shard Sword. So that’s the name of the terror he wields? You’ve read about it in history books, there are entire chapters dedicated to the High-Cloud Quintet’s exploits. Even if he were unarmed, you wouldn’t stand a chance. Any flesh wound will heal, any organ will stitch itself back together, and any death will be a temporary visit he’ll saunter back from.

Blade takes a step closer.

How do you get out of this? How do you get him to stop? What would get him to stop?

What could he possibly want more than you?

Oh.

The answer unfurls like a body bag.

… There is one more thing, isn’t there?

You thread your psyches together with a thin string. It’s too weak in its present state, the weight of your goal will make it snap instantly. You need to fortify it as best as you can. Otherwise, there is no place you can go where he won’t find you. The prismatic shards that record his history are no longer indecipherable, each moment is visible to you, forming a macabre mosaic.

The second you finalize this link, he’ll know. Your touch isn’t a stranger to his mind anymore. Nothing about you is.

You recall the shattered opal goblet a few feet away.

You let your knees buckle like they’ve desired all along. You fall toward the jagged shards and you brace yourself. It happens as swiftly as you expected — his inhuman speed allows him to catch you easily. He steadies you against him, holding you up since the strength leaving your body wasn’t an act.

Your hand brushes over a sliver of his skin.

You wanted me to show you what it’s like to die, you think. It isn’t beyond my means at all, Yingxing!

The Synalink is a success.

He might want you, but his longing for a permanent death eclipses that.

This is a scenario unlike any you’ve ever built before. The dimensions are simple, you’re creating one static scene. It isn’t a vast galaxy with trade, economies, and conflicting ideals, teeming with planets that house millions of individuals who each have their own role in the story to play. Grass doesn’t have to blow just right, there aren’t bystanders whose conversations you need to generate and perform maintenance on.

The stage you’ve built is, at its core, nothing. A vacuum you’ve molded into a cube and placed him in the middle of.

You’ve cut off stimuli to each of his senses. He can’t perceive anything, because there’s nothing to perceive.

His psyche shows no signs of resistance. This is what he wants, isn’t it? Total absolution. The loss of self, to be undone and woven into the universe’s indifferent tapestry. Every factor has aligned in your favor like a once-in-a-millennium syzygy. Your newfound knowledge of his past, his most innate desire being death, then the amplification physical touch brings.

This isn’t an unknown pathogen, it’s a welcome salvation.

You just have to maintain it.

Your main hurdle is finding a way to do so while navigating the physical world. The slightest deviation could have catastrophic consequences, his acumen is that competent. How long can you sustain this Synalink if you don’t dedicate your entire attention to it? There’s no point of reference. For all you know, it could be impossible.

Regardless, you have to try.

Reopening your corporeal eyes, you find yourself in the private room.

The Stellaron Hunter, who uses the alias ‘Blade,’ stands behind you like a cocked gun.

He isn’t moving. The white rings in his eyes match yours. His vitals are consistent with what you see in clients immersed in Synalinks. Low respiration and heartbeat, and the paralysis of limbs so as to deter unwanted motor functions.

You hold your breath, shimmy out of his loosened grasp, and then cautiously take a step back.

Your heels crunch down on a stray fragment from the broken goblet. You cringe.

You expect the worst when you gather the courage to look at him again.

Still nothing.

Keeping your back against the wall, you awkwardly slide toward the door leading to The Lounge.

The burning question of what to do next sears your mind. You have no faith or trust in Chrysus. There’s Caicias, but he’s in Mele. The fastest nectar guide would still take two hours, factoring in the repairs being done to the one in Thelx. Even if he did make it here, what could he do? Help you negotiate? Would Blade even give him the chance? You’d be condemning the elder quadrant leader to certain death.

Who is in your star system? You’ve heard that the Astral Express has had run-ins with the Stellaron Hunters, but they could be millions of light-years away. Then there’s Kafka. If she goes too long without hearing from Blade, she won’t just sit around and let you scheme. Silver Wolf could hack into the LOTUS-EATER’s surveillance system or use thermal imaging to gauge the situation.

The price of hope is too steep.

Your fingers grope blindly for the door’s switch. You refuse to take your attention off Blade for a split second. You feel a protrusion, start to flick it up—

Sparks fly from the wall like frantic fireflies, joined by chunks of dark debris. Strands of your hair blow aside as if subject to a wicked gale. Sediment scratches at your skin. Out of instinct, your eyes squeeze shut, shielding you from what they can. A figure towers above you. You can’t see him, but you can feel him. The torment, bloodlust, and yearning are so prevalent that they may as well be in the room alongside you.

Through a looking glass, you saw the reflections of a wretched life.

How he fell victim to a friend unwilling to accept a comrade’s untimely demise. That for this incursion, death would never grant him permanent residency. Over a thousand times, a swordmaster gripped by madness tested this ordinance, her strikes colder than winter’s wrath.

He’d lose a piece of himself each time, leaving a mangled afterimage of what he once was.

A sinner rendered mara-struck and immortal — a shade that will dye you his accursed color.

Blade pins your wrists above your head. It hurts, but you’ve learned there’s pain worse than this.

“Open your eyes.”

It isn’t a request.

You hesitate for as long as he allows. Ultimately, you have no choice but to give him what he wants. Scarlet eyes reward your reluctant obedience. Leering, glowing. Your chest heaves beneath the burden of each breath. Something wet and warm trickles down your cheek. It titillates the flames of his mara as if it’d been lathered in oil. He shackles your wrists with his gloved hand and drags the other downward. Over your temple, cheekbone, then finally, your chin.

He tilts your head up.

Neither of you speak.

How? How did he break free?

You didn’t sense any fluctuations, nothing that’d warn of your incoming fate. Your control didn’t slip, it was pulled out right from underneath you.

Isn’t death what every segment of his psyche seeks? His rationality, morality, and base instincts were all in agreement, a unanimous jury that didn’t require deliberation.

What unforeseen note upset this triad?

Your reflection in his eyes is drenched in red.

“Haha… seriously?” You laugh a humorless laugh. “Me?”

Blade doesn’t respond. You don’t know if he heard you. Either way, it doesn’t matter. He is the author of whatever happens next.

A butterfly with injured wings loses none of its original beauty. If anything, it’s made easier to admire, now that it can no longer fly away. You have nowhere to go, nothing to do, and not a word to say that’d make a difference. This futility reassures his mara. That which was held above its head has been made to crawl along the ground. Blade seizes total control of himself as his mara slinks away. Cognizant of his bruising grip, he releases you. Without his crushing support, you collapse like a house of cards. Your knees hit the ground.

You sink down further and squeeze your head in between your hands.

It hurts, mom, it hurts. Why couldn’t you give me up one more time? ‘My’ life never belonged to me in the first place, anyway. You should’ve granted the shift in ownership when it was still a choice.

… I’m scared.

There is no getting out of this, is there?

Metal clinks by your side. Dazedly, you inspect the sound’s source. A silver dagger rests beside you. It’s small in build, yet pointed as a weapon should be. Your attention flitters between him and the blade. What is this? A pitiful attempt to level the playing field? Has he not humiliated you enough? Taken everything that wasn’t yours to give?

Sensing your confusion, he explains, “Sins should be punished.”

You grasp the hilt.

It’s heavy.

“What… are you even saying…?” You murmur. Is he referring to your mother? “It’s ‘permissible’ to take life, according to you.”

You recount his creed with the venom it merits.

He falls silent.

“Not yours… not for free,” he drawls. “I’ll pay any price.”

Transactions benefit both parties. What’s there for him to gain?

You stand on unsteady legs.

Blade’s countenance is an impenetrable fortress. The violent waves have settled, leaving still, murky waters. Is it twisted affection swirling in his gaze? Guilt? The celebration of a long-fought battle? You don’t know. You don’t know what to think, feel, or do. You’re just numb. What will you be after this? Your mother likened their designs for you to a ‘retractable leash.’ Close, but not quite.

You’ll be more of a portable oxygen tank.

Kafka can’t always be there to soothe Blade’s mara, but you can. You will. You have to. It’s a duty that binds more than marriage.

If transactions benefit both parties, then…

What he’s offering to pay for here is you.

Your eyes drop down to the dagger.

The currency will be blood and flesh. He’ll let you kill him, however you want, for as long as you want. Ten, one hundred, one thousand times or beyond, until you feel the scales have balanced. The blank canvas has given you the tools to create your final masterpiece. Once the paint dries, the roles will reverse. The subjugated will become the subjugator. It isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

You raise the dagger, his cold heart your target. It’s yours. A gift, a burden, an unbreakable vow.

You plunge it down, and—

—He doesn’t even flinch.

The tip of the blade rips his shirt, but not his flesh.

You toss it aside and shake your head.

“Has anything worthwhile… ever come from killing you…?”

Blade doesn’t respond, but you know he heard you.

He furrows his eyebrows, your question hanging over his head. Whatever he expected, this must not have been a possibility he accounted for. Had he been anyone else, he might conflate mercy for forgiveness. He isn’t, though. He knows the crippling weight of guilt. How it secretly imbues you with a craving for more, so you can finally be crushed to death, instead of being forced to roll the boulder onward.

Each slice would be for him as much as it is for you.

If that’s penance to him, you will never grant it.

“My mom…” you trail off, not because you don’t know how to complete the sentence, but because finishing it will finish something inside you. “Is she…?”

Blade’s memories have made their way back to him using you as their bridge. You could parse through them, but you don’t want to. You don’t think he’ll lie. He hasn’t lied to you as far as he knew. The truth is worse and the truth is what you’ll get. The emotions you pick up from him hint at what you already know. They nibble at you as piranhas would. Notably missing from the onslaught is any iteration of guilt or its distant cousin, regret.

He’d die a thousand deaths to pay the fee of having you. What’s a little more bloodshed to someone who views death as enviable?

“Never mind,” you murmur. “Forget I asked.”

He won’t.

He refuses to forget anything about you ever again.

For now, he’ll pretend otherwise.

You’ve decided that from this distance, Eris looks like a marble.

It’s just a little black sphere, infused with the occasional stream of gold. You center the image in between your thumb and pointer finger, making minuscule adjustments until it fits just right. Once you’re content, you hold it there, squinting your left eye so this speck’s the main focus.

As of the latest census in 2155 AE, the planet Eris is thought to have a population of 2,912,840. 560,432 in Ade, 1,510,781 in Mele, an estimated 200,400 in Arc, and 641,227 in your home quadrant of Thelx. Each of those numbers can be attributed to a living, breathing being. Someone with their own family, history, ethics, dreams, and struggles. Your fellow Nymphalians, descendants of prisoners dumped on a dark and frigid planet to die.

You thought you’d given them your life before. In a pretty, metaphorical sense, that could be made into poems for generations.

Your conversation with Destiny’s Slave reassured you that no, there’s nothing pretty or metaphorical about what awaits you. No one will be penning sentimental poems detailing an ascetic’s life led in solitude so that the people may prosper. You’ll be a cold case. For a week, your name will be a hot topic on primetime television. A headline sprawled in large font across news media companies. ‘Tragedy Strikes: Eris’ [First] Phaeales Kidnapped, IPC Implicates Stellaron Hunters,’ or something to that effect.

Then another calamity will occur and you’ll be pushed from the public’s consciousness.

You might get a special mention on anniversaries. The first, fifth, tenth, fiftieth, then the hundredth. Podcasts will do deep dives. Books will be written. Forum boards will swap theories. Who knows? An anonymous user might guess the truth and be labeled a conspiracy theorist for their troubles.

You pinch your thumb and pointer finger together, smushing the faraway planet from your perspective.

“Boom!” You exclaim in a whisper yell. “Is that how easy it is to you?”

He doesn’t respond.

You turn away from the sheet of glass separating you from the limitless depths of outer space.

“The silent treatment, huh?” You muse, drumming your fingers against the window pane. “You saw this future and worked oh so hard to procure it. What? Having second thoughts, now that it’s here? That’d be a shame.”

There’s something ugly living inside your heart. It’s been there since you were born and will remain until you die. Maybe it lives inside everyone, you can’t say, you can only speak for yourself. Kindness isn’t inherent, it’s learned. Practiced so that it may be honed. Otherwise, the steel grows dull and rusts. Sharpening means losing layers of yourself against a whetstone. Those layers are worth losing, you’re told. Spite, vengeance, hatred; they’re all so, so ugly. Little imps that should be sandpapered away.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, that sort of platitude. It’s nice bumper sticker material. Something to slap on a graphic tee or coffee cup, maybe. To be fair, practicing the antithesis isn’t so simple either.

You don’t want his eye, it’ll grow back.

You don’t want his life, he’ll just be born anew.

You don’t want him, but from now on, he’s all you’ll get.

“Are you curious about the deal I made with Elio?” You probe.

Blade sighs, likely preparing himself for the vitriol you’ll slew his way.

“I don’t need to know.”

“You want to know, though,” you smile thinly. “I could feel you brooding from rooms away. What? Does the thought of me speaking to another man displease you that—”

He rushes forward and lifts you by the collar of your blouse. You don’t waver, if anything, you could get drunk off this emotional outburst. His nostrils flare and you can feel his warm breath fan against your face. Your heart whirrs strong against its bony restraints, adrenaline blasting throughout your system.

“That mouth of yours is testing me,” he chuckles, although he’s far from amused. “Have you forgotten the position you’re in?”

“Have you?” You scoff. His grip tightens. “Go ahead. Choke me, ravish me. You can’t bring yourself to though, can you? Want to know why? Hm? You’re holding out for the slim, impossible chance that I might return your fucked up feelings, even if just a little bit.”

Scornfully, you whisper, “Elio was generous enough to answer some of my questions. The extent of the Stellaron’s influence, the true perpetrators behind the nectar guide bombing, why you’d get so pissy whenever Lear swung by… in retrospect, it’s painfully obvious, really. Messing with the LOTUS-EATER’s noise-canceling software is child’s play for Silver Wolf. Did you enjoy eavesdropping on us? Probably not, huh?”

He growls your name, low and menacingly. It’s a warning.

You ignore him. Maybe you shouldn’t, but you do.

“I never told him,” your lower lip trembles. “Because of you, I’ll never get to, either. You want to pay a price? Have your sins punished? Start by listening to this!”

His mara bubbles up as if it were magma. For someone unraveling from the inside out, he doesn’t look the part. Emotion and vitality have drained from his face. His complexion is that of the dead man he wishes himself to be. Pale, vapid. He wants you to stop, yet the only way you would is if he tore out your tongue. To do so would guarantee he’d never get to hear those three words directed at him. He must consider that fate harrowing indeed if he allows the means for you to utter your next sentence.

The finger you pricked all those years ago tingles.

“Lear is the only one I’ve loved. The only one I’ll ever love. He gave me a life; you’ve destroyed mine. How could you ever compare, Yingxing? How can you even come close?”

You wrench yourself free from Blade’s grasp. He lets you.

His hands remain where you once were. Gradually, they fall, as do his shoulders and head. It’s peculiar. You’ve come to be so in tune with his emotions, picking up on frequencies only you can hear. This pitch falls silent. His mara is too. The infighting over where he should begin and end calls for a temporary cease-fire. Neither madness nor sanity care for victory, their attention has been cast elsewhere, to a more prominent problem.

“It is.”

You narrow your eyes. “What?”

“Earlier, you asked if it’s that easy for me,” he says, plainly. “It is.”

Your system absorbs the implication as well as it would cyanide.

“Eris and all of its inhabitants are strictly off-limits. I figured you'd already heard this.”

“I have.”

“Then—”

“It’s not loyalty that ties the Stellaron Hunters together,” he interrupts. “It’s the pursuit of individual goals which just happen to align.”

Blade saunters forward. You bristle, awaiting unwanted physical contact, yet he brushes by your shoulder. His footsteps echo throughout the ship’s hollow corridors. You pivot, intent on following his every movement. He gazes out the window, your home planet his point of interest. The little black and gold marble orbited by four moons, far away from any star.

“Goals change, lotus.”

His eyes find yours in the window’s reflection.

He’s bluffing. He has to be.

“You’ve sought death for over 700 years,” is your uneasy reply. “Surely, you wouldn’t risk the one avenue you have to reach it.”

“Didn’t I already betray that expectation of yours?”

Death is no longer what every segment of his psyche seeks, as it’s the one place he can’t have you.

“... You’ve stopped running your mouth. Clever girl,” Blade flexes his fists by his side. The leather glove on his hand creaks as he does so. “If you think this an empty threat, I have a suggestion.”

Blade grins from ear to ear.

“Repeat any of what you just said to me and I’ll prove it isn’t.”

It’s as if his mara forms tendrils that slowly slither up your body. It caresses your thighs, your midriff, and your chest. Breathes against your nape and coils around your neck. You can’t find the strength to move. It wishes you would so that it’d have an excuse to hold you tighter. Squeeze harder. Sink into you deeper.

You glower at him. His mara keens, finding the expression delightful.

“Look at me like that any longer and I’ll take you up on your suggestion.”

You pinch your eyebrows together, belying your confusion.

He wets his lips with his tongue.

“‘Choke me, ravish me,’ was it?” he muses, chuckling breathlessly. “Who am I to deny such a tempting offer?”

Finally, you muster the effort necessary to break free from his hypnotic stare. You’re overcome with the need to scrub off every part of your skin he’s touched. You want the residue gone, purged from your flesh. Nausea floods you like a broken dam.

You let him touch you, you let him kiss you, you let him fuck you.

He can’t have anything else.

You don’t know what more there is to take.

His eyes are heavy on your back as you leave the room. This spaceship’s decently big, but it’s not enough. A universe could separate you, but it still wouldn’t suffice. You’ll create any gap you can, illusionary or otherwise. You speed through the ship’s main corridor until you near what’s to be your room. Before you can open it, your hand stills.

Elio said we’re to leave on a job the second Silver Wolf starts distracting the IPC’s blockade, you think. That should be any minute now.

Your blood freezes over.

After this ship makes the jump, you’ll never see Eris again.

Or Nona.

Or Lear.

Will Nona continue to pursue her studies without you there to teach her? Is there a reason for her to? She’s come so far since you first met. That harsh, untrusting girl with a permanent scowl blossomed into something truly special.

“Seriously? You’re supposed to be my mentor?”

“Alright, lemme set one thing straight. I’m here to save up enough to leave this shithole. If that hurts your feelings, go and cry to mommy about it, I couldn’t care less. It’ll be bad press to ship your latest Arc rescue back over, after all.”

“Why do you care about this planet, anyway? Beyond whatever sense of purpose you get from playing the hero, I mean. All anyone here ever does is complain and half-ass things. ‘Let’s give anarchy a shot guys, but like, a nice version of anarchy, where we all hold hands around a campfire and sing songs.’ It’s hilarious.”

“The first time I made it to Thelx’s border as a kid, I thought I was hallucinating. I asked my older travel buddy, ‘What’s with these tiny, floating yellow spheres?’ She didn’t even spare me a glance, she was so enchanted. ‘That’s light,’ she said. ‘Take a good, long look. You won’t be seeing much of it.’ I remember how angry hearing that made me. Not just what she was saying, but how she said it. Like she’d given up. Like that was acceptable.”

“A cargo ship bound for Rosiz is heading out in three cycles. You and Lear could come with me, y’know. Elope, or whatever. My contact would allow it. Probably. Hey, don’t give me an answer right away. Geez. At least think about it.”

“Yep, I’m still here. Surprise! My other plans fell through, what can I say? Apparently, Rosiz is run by a weird blood cult. I don’t want anything to do with that. Guess you’re stuck with me a while longer. What’s with that look? Yeah, I still think this planet’s a shithole. But, you’re here, so… it’s 5% less shitty, give or take. Lear brings that up to a whopping 15%. Yes, he gets a value of ten. Have you tasted his cooking?”

Will Lear ever know how much it meant when he comforted the haughty and naive girl you once were? How without him, all you ever would’ve known was loneliness? You were a handful, there’s no doubting that. It’s a miracle he put up with you.

He had the softest voice when you were kids.

“I’m supposed to play the princess? But… but… I’m a boy, and you’re a girl… so shouldn’t you…? Ow, ow, stop pinching! Okay, okay! I’ll be the princess! Eh? Whaddya mean ‘you’ll kiss it better?’ Miss Phaeales? Miss Phaeales…?!?!?!”

“I’m back from work, my wife. Huh? Husbands don’t say that? No no no no, you can’t play the husband, I have to play the husband! Lemme try again! Ahem. From work, I have returned… woman… I’ve married. That’s no good either? This is so complicated!”

“I dunno why you like Connect Four so much. I mean, we could play Monopoly, but you always steal credits when I look away. No, that's not allowed! … You’re just ‘being a capitalist?’ What’s that mean? Cheater, or something?”

He didn’t lose this soft quality when he became an adult — his tenderness was the air you breathed.

“‘What do I want,’ huh? Where do I begin? To be a part of you, I guess? Ah, if I’d known you were going to grin like that, I wouldn’t have said anything. W-Well, of course I want you. I just don’t think the phrasing’s right. You’ve always viewed yourself as a commodity. I don’t want to reinforce such a terrible thought.”

“It’s… so good, so warm, so… fuck, please, don’t look at me like that. I can’t believe… that I get to do this with you. You’re beautiful, you’re everything…! I’ve always loved you so much. So, so much. Is this okay? Is it really okay? If it is, then please, let me pleasure you.”

“Quit messing around with me already. There’s no way that was your first time. Because, I mean, you’re so sought after, y’know? You must’ve had tons of opportunities to— ow ow ow, again with the pinching?! Alright, I get it, I get it! Pfft, stop, don’t make it weird. Okay, fine, hearing that does make me a little happy. Aaand there you go, making it weird. No, I’m not possessive. You said you don’t like possessive men, so… what? Of course I remembered that. I remember everything you say. Wait… are you embarrassed? I didn’t… didn’t think that was possible… one sec, lemme get my camera…”

You swore an oath not to cry.

You didn’t when packing the few items Blade approved of, or when you negotiated with Elio.

It’s not that you don’t want to. Should your resolve slip for a second, you grow dangerously close to drowning in a puddle of your own tears. There’s plenty to cry about, plenty to mourn. Once you start, though, you don’t think you’ll ever be able to stop. You’ll waste away as your body’s wrung for all its worth. Should that happen, you won’t be able to uphold your end of the bargain with Elio.

There’ll be a lot more to cry about then.

For this reason, you don’t turn back.

Your deal with Destiny’s Slave consists of two elements.

First, you are to serve as Blade’s ‘field partner,’ offering him your unremitted support however he sees fit. And second, you pledge the full extent of your psionic abilities to further the Stellaron Hunters’ mission. This second condition perplexed you, but it wasn’t like you had many bargaining chips. For so long as you cooperate, Eris will remain unharmed and the nascent Stellaron neutralized.

Kafka had called to ‘celebrate your inauguration.’ You braced yourself for the worst, but she was surprisingly amicable.

“Have you really never considered your utility outside of parlor tricks?” She wondered. “The power to create fantasias and read memories certainly has its uses, no?”

“I just don’t see how it’d contribute much,” you replied.

“If it stopped there, maybe. Should you be able to replicate Ania Phaeales’ seals, though… that’d come in handy.”

You gritted your teeth and read between the lines. They want that too, huh?

You’ve since worked tirelessly to understand how such an anomaly is possible, much less replicable. Silver Wolf provided an updated version of the Arbiter training software to aid your endeavors. You’ve tried and failed hundreds of times. Deleting fragments of a person’s psyche has disastrous results, as you once hypothesized. If the Stellaron Hunters wanted a foe lobotomized, they wouldn’t have gone through all the trouble of obtaining you.

The holographic screen floating before you presents an error message.

‘Generated psyche #643, Garçia Chamora, has been rendered comatose from suffering damage to his cerebral hemispheres. Press here or say next to generate a new psyche.’

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose.

This job on Rosiz requires a nobleman’s lifelong fealty to be sealed, you think. If I can’t figure this out before then…

Your stomach jumps to your throat like you’re in a free fall.

Leaning back in your chair, you swipe the screen away. You look at the digital clock in the ship’s common room. It reads 2:05 a.m. This shift to a twenty-four-hour time has been a pain, but you think this number means it’s late. While glancing around the uninspired decor, your eyes land on a solitary figure.

Blade sits on a beige couch with his arms and legs crossed, his eyelids shut. You assume he’s asleep. There are plenty of comfortable beds he could veg out on, but wherever you are, he isn’t far behind. You don’t get why he’s playing prison warden. He can’t think you’re stupid enough to try escaping with almost three million lives dangling over your head, can he? Perhaps he’s getting off on your suffering.

Whatever the case, you loathe having to breathe the same air as him. You wish he’d fuck off already.

You’ve barely spoken to one another since he made his threat. If it has to do with the upcoming job, you’ll give a few curt words and nothing more. He’s never been outgoing, so without you initiating conversation, hours trudge by in tense silence. You’ve recently made the unfortunate realization his input on your mother’s seal would be useful. He was under it for two years, there must be some information you can glean from him. You need anything you can get.

The thought of asking him for assistance, though… it makes you sick.

“What?” he asks, his voice gravelly from unuse.

You tense. He could tell you were looking at him without opening his eyes?

“Nothing,” you reply.

He grunts and that’s the end of it. You pull the holographic screen back up, eager to distract yourself. Except, all you can focus on is the #643 in the bottom left corner. You’ve already made that many attempts without any progress? One of Kafka’s contacts is going to help sneak this ship onto Rosiz in two days. You’re running out of time.

You spare Blade a quick glance. Unsurprisingly, he hasn’t moved.

Every muscle in your face scrunches up as if you’d bitten a lemon.

Just get it over with, you tell yourself.

“Blade?”

He makes a noise to prove he heard you.

“Can I… ask you a few questions?”

“That depends on what they are.”

You exhale shakily. “When your memories of me were sealed away, what did it feel like?”

His mara murmurs, discontent at this reminder. He appears outwardly unaffected.

“Why do you want to know?”

You play with your skirt’s hem, picking at a loose thread. This is what you were afraid of.

“Knowing will help me understand and replicate the seal better,” you explain. Then, you hastily add, “For the job.”

All is silent. You shift in your seat.

“That isn’t my concern,” is his eventual answer.

Your jaw drops. “Wh— are you serious? You wouldn’t want to botch a job, would you?”

“It wouldn’t be me ‘botching’ it,” Blade says, coolly, evenly. “It would be you.”

You gnash your teeth together but bite your tongue. As callous as he’s acting, he isn’t wrong. He doesn’t owe you anything. Especially after you said what may have been the worst combination of words to him. You refuse to regret it, but you can follow the cause and effect.

“You really don’t care about what’d happen?” You press, breathless. “Eris is my home. You lived there for months yourself, experienced the culture… does that mean nothing?”

“Why do you ask questions you know you won’t like the answers to?”

Blade hasn’t so much as opened his eyes. You just don’t get it — you’ve peered inside his mind multiple times and still struggle to understand him. To what extent does he care about you, if that word even applies here? Does it stop at your physical well-being? Can his current nonchalance be attributed to your diatribe, or would he have acted this way regardless? He doesn’t make sense. He’s an enigma.

You decide to try another approach.

“What about Nona? You’d still feel nothing then?”

Finally, he opens his eyes. The warm hues feel cold.

“I hold no ill will toward your student. I’d consider it a shame,” he says. Despite his impersonal word choice, he isn’t being sarcastic. That must mean something. Before you can expand on this, he smiles. It’s far from kind. “I see you’ve omitted your boyfriend from this thought exercise. A wise choice.”

Your heart skips a beat.

Ah, fuck.

“A word of advice, girl. Manipulation isn’t your forte.”

It feels like a struggle between life and death to maintain eye contact.

“Negotiation, though, you’re half-decent at,” Blade muses. He inclines his head to the side. “Well? Make me an offer.”

You worry your bottom lip between your teeth. What do you have to offer? In a business setting, you can lowball some figures, that’s how everyone starts. You doubt he’s interested in money or stocks. There’s your Synalink ability, but there’s no way he’ll put himself in a vulnerable position like that again. Everything’s been taken from you. Your business, assets, connections, leverage; all you have are the clothes on your back. Still, if he’s entertaining this conversation, there must be something.

Goosebumps erupt all over your skin. “Are you… propositioning me?”

“Oh? That’s how you’ve chosen to interpret it?” he raises an eyebrow. “If that’s your offer, I accept.”

“No, I’m not—!”

“I know. Calm down,” he interrupts your panicked exclamation. “You’re easily rattled when exhausted.”

Your heart’s pounding so loud in your ears that it’s difficult to hear him.

“Relax. The next time I take you, I want you willing.”

The next time? Is he delusional? Has he suffered long-term memory loss? You’d sooner saw off your hand than sleep with him ever again. You come dangerously close to voicing this, but ultimately decide against it. You need him in an agreeable mood. This seal — have you been set up for failure? You can’t imagine why they’d bother. Still, there’s no singular script, as per Elio’s own admission. It’s a string of possibilities loosely connected by little choices. If one script isn’t followed, that means another has taken center stage.

Should you be unable to deliver, that future has been accounted for as well.

It’s a future that can’t come to pass.

Blade speaks your name.

“Come over here,” he says.

Your eyes widen and lips part, horror painting itself across your countenance.

He clicks his tongue. “Trust your own intuition. You said it yourself, didn’t you? That I’m ‘holding out.’”

You fight the urge to wince at the quotation. He’s the one who mentioned it, not you. This can’t count as an infraction on your behalf. Taking a deep breath, you start trekking over, counting each step. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen… ah, it didn’t take anywhere near long enough.

He pats the spot beside him. Once you’re situated, an arm coils around your shoulders, tugging you into his side. Your heart thumps away. This is reminiscent of the evenings you spent together in your office and on the balcony. The high you received from sex would fade away, replaced by this nice, soft haze. Talkative as you were then, there was something about those moments that kept you quiet. You’re not sure why.

Maybe it’s because you realized you’d finally met someone lonelier than yourself.

“You’ve hardly eaten or slept. That I can understand,” Blade says. “What I don’t get, however, is why you haven’t cried.”

“I can’t.”

“You’re often on the verge of tears. Like now, for instance,” he points out. You struggle to swallow the lump in your throat. “Why not let it go?”

Something already broken in you shatters beyond recognition.

“What good would that do?!”

Your fingernails dig into your palms hard enough to bruise the sensitive flesh.

“I’m nothing, I-I have nothing, I’m—” you laugh and laugh, making your throat feel scratchier than it already is. “I wanted to do so much…! I was stupid. So stupid! I actually thought that I could— could find a way to fix things, if only I kept working, kept trying! There isn’t a way. There never was a way. We’re greedy, we’re awful, we’re ignorant. A planet like that… a universe like this… so long as we’re in it, it’s fucked, it’s all fucked.”

You shake your head. “I may have hated her, but I still wanted to be her. To outdo her. Prove that I could’ve done it better, that change was possible, so she’d have no excuse. I couldn’t do either. Even if I had, it wouldn’t have mattered. I’d just be delaying Eris’ inevitable fate like she did.”

Your shoulders heave with each painful breath you take.

“Did she feel vindicated in the end? Think that by saving me once, it’d make up for all the times she didn’t?”

Whether you’re talking to him or yourself, you can’t tell anymore. It doesn’t make a difference. Speaking the truth aloud doesn’t make it any more or less real. It just leaves a bitter taste that’ll never go away.

“If she cared so much, why did she never tell me?” You whisper, your voice cracking. “What was she so afraid of…?”

What was I so afraid of?

Tears trickle down your face in a free flow. The drizzle shifts to a torrential downpour, no matter how hard you try shaking or shutting it off. There’s no point in telling him this. You’ll probably regret it, somewhere down the line.

You faintly register how your body moves without your input. Blinking the wetness in your eyelashes away as best as you can, you see gold patterns. There’s weight around your shoulders too. Weight and warmth. The scent of blood and anise.

He’s pulled you into an embrace against his chest.

You twist and jerk your limbs around, attempting to purchase freedom you can’t afford. You yell at him, curse him, beg him to let you go, and still, his grip never relents. He just holds you there, your struggles amounting to nothing, your pleas falling on deaf ears. His grip doesn’t feel tight until you try wriggling yourself out of it. Then, and only then, are you hit with the realization he could crush you so easily. It must take a great deal of self-restraint to avoid doing so.

The fight leaves your body and you tremble like a leaf in the wind.

His large hand runs over your back, slow and steady, as if his touch were destined to soothe rather than destroy.

Your well of tears runs dry eventually.

“When you live for others, you’ll die for them too.”

Blade’s statement doesn’t make you feel better or worse. It washes over you without soaking in. Whether it’s a warning for you or condemnation for yourself, you don’t know. Perhaps the two overlap in an unsightly hybrid.

Some time passes before he speaks again.

“The day that man drew his weapon on you, I felt something stir, as rousing from a long slumber,” Blade reveals. “I assumed it should remain undisturbed.”

This is your chance. You detach yourself from him enough to look him in the eyes. He loosens his grip just enough to allow this, but no more. The vice would tighten should you try extracting yourself further. You wipe away the moisture clinging to your lower eyelashes with your wrists. Since he’s sitting, he isn’t towering over you. This small detail aids your waning resolve.

“What made you assume that?”

His bandaged hand cups your tear-stained cheeks. You wince, but allow him his indulgence.

“Instinct,” he murmurs.

Your eyebrows pinch together as you think. That wasn’t what you were expecting. You guessed that’d it feel like something significant was missing — a gaping hole. That the individual would want to fill it. Curiosity is the sentient being’s natural state, after all. Especially since this should’ve been an element of itself the mind wishes to reinstitute. Yearning, affection, and care; even if it’s a vestige of the full experience, these positive emotions shouldn’t set off alarm bells.

Unless the mind decided it was worth suppressing.

Maybe your mother wasn’t using the influx of memories inflected on Blade as a ‘red herring.’ Kafka adores messing with you, she could’ve floated the idea because she knew you’d hear it in the future. What was your mother doing then? Pulling up key instances throughout Blade’s life, specifically those with heightened emotions and long-lasting influences…

What if it’s not so much altering memories, but altering the mind’s perception of them?

The Arbiter training software is bound to your movements, which allows it to manifest with a few hand gestures. The screen displays itself close to your right. You’d prefer to figure this out elsewhere, but Blade doesn’t appear interested in letting you go anytime soon. He silently observes as you pore over the generated psyche. You’re too focused to comment on how creepy he’s being.

Liliana Kokot. 34. Short-life species. Citizen of the planet Punklorde. Witnessed the murder of her parents at a young age. Came to despise gang activity. Joined police academy. Assigned to the Homicide Unit by age 25. Discovered possible connections between the police chief and organized crime.

You pull out the prismatic shard containing her parent’s murder.

The mind has mechanisms to inhibit trauma that’d otherwise obliterate it. Repression, denial, projection, displacement, rationalization, and regression to name a few. In the same way, prisms have multiple sides. The one which refracts the most light will change depending on how it’s angled.

You adjust the shard without changing its shape. Eventually, you find a side that deems this memory too much, beyond what Liliana can handle. It’s easily absorbed back alongside the other fragments. Except that now, the mind chooses to repress the memory, deep down in the subconscious where it cannot do irreparable harm.

A ‘seal.’

“I get it now,” you wave the screen off. “It’s similar to a heart transplant. Mechanical valves aren’t integrated as smoothly as tissue valves. The body’s more willing to accept what’s similar to it in composition, as is the mind.”

“You don’t look less troubled,” Blade notes.

You scrunch up your nose.

“I mean… this is— I don’t even know. It undermines what makes a person, well… who they are to the very core.”

“When you accepted Elio’s deal, you knew you’d be an accessory to criminal activity. How is that any worse than homicide?”

Blade’s refusal to sugarcoat the truth slashes through you like a phantasmal sword. Perhaps not a thousand times, but close enough.

“This is your price, lotus.”

You want to avert your gaze, but you don’t. It’d feel wrong, somehow. Cowardly. Hypocritical.

No longer can you dwell on the currency itself. What matters now is ensuring you pay your dues on time.

Your debt extends beyond Destiny’s Slave. There’s another proprietor you must settle with, for even the slightest peace of mind.

“Blade— no, Yingxing,” you correct yourself. His muscles stiffen, his true name having gone unspoken for so long devoid of contempt. “I may have made a deal with Elio, but… I haven’t personally made one with you. I’d like to change that.”

You can tell you’ve piqued his interest.

“I swear on everything that is sacred to me that I’ll remain by your side until my final breath. In return, regardless of if I’m alive or dead, you’ll never harm my home or the people who inhabit it. Intentionally or otherwise.”

His long, dark eyelashes flutter shut as he mulls over your proposal. He doesn’t take long. Soon enough, vermillion bores into you again. Candle wicks flicker inside them, alight with an emotion you refuse to name.

“How do you finalize deals, Miss Phaeales?” Blade asks, moving aside a stray strand of hair from your face.

It’s like the air’s been knocked from your lungs. He couldn’t have known, right? The ripples born when those two words are stitched together? Your chest feels tight and hollow all at once. It’s like your internal organs have liquified, leaving nothing but shapeless viscera. This isn’t the right voice. It should be softer, a tenor’s pitch, not a sonorous bass.

“M-Miss Phaeales?”

You blink away a fresh set of tears.

“A promise? Miss Phaeales, I don’t know if I can.”

“Hand me the dagger from before.”

“I don’t really get you, Miss Phaeales, but… I wanna.”

He does, after a moment’s consideration.

“It’s my fault, I should’ve killed that man, and now she’s in that criminal’s debt, because of me…!”

You prick your pointer finger with the dagger’s tip, just enough to create trickling blood.

“Everything you just said — I can tell you believe it.”

He mirrors your actions. His skin quickly mends itself back together.

“So why… why do you look so sad?”

I had so much to say, you think, bitterly. So, so much.

Blade’s bandaged hand falls to your lower back, where it softly pushes you forward. His gloved hand envelops your face, the leather refreshing against your feverish skin. His lips descend upon yours. You may have called the kiss tender had you known nothing about him. You do know him, however, as fate has decreed he’d get a better future at the cost of yours. It’s as if everyone was in on the joke, leaving you the odd one out.

He murmurs words in between kisses that you fight desperately to unhear.

When you pull back for air, you notice how madness surges and retreats in his eyes, as if it were ocean waves washing against the shore.

The likeness helps.

Pretending the red shade’s a brilliant blue instead comes easier.

The next time he kisses you, you cautiously kiss back.

A/N: i thought i'd feel satisfied when i finished nexus' last chapter, but i actually feel rather sad JTFSIKL i cannot overstate how much i enjoyed working on this story. it scratched a sci-fi itch i've had for over a decade now. when writing longer works, it's rare for me to not get caught on snags that sap my inspiration away. that never happened with this story though. from start to finish, i was contentedly tip tapping away on my keyboard.

i became enamored with this idea of a yandere story that didn't just revolve around the MC and yan, it just wasn't until i started outlining nexus that i had an excuse to explore this concept further.

the main cast of n darling, nona, and lear (an anon affectionately dubbed them the lotus trio, which is a term i loved enough to hijack) has become close to my heart. for that reason, writing this chapter physically hurt at times 😭 i wanted to swat blade away like a fly and have everything end nicely. from the very first sentence though, i knew this would be a tragedy, so it'd go against the Themes to pull a power of friendship ending.

at first, i worried about the reader's ability to empathize/connect with n darling, since her status and abilities aren't universal. like at all. the solution presented itself rather naturally. n darling, at least to me, stresses that simmering anger women feel the need to hide for professionality's sake. her experiences as a child where she's given responsibilities beyond her age's capacity, then in adulthood, where she isn't taken seriously (chrysus) or unintentionally infantilized (caicias). i'm sure many afab individuals can relate to some extent.

my primary interest was in having these two deeply frustrated individuals crash together and spill debris everywhere. i was given a little more liberty with blade's actions and dialogue, due to miss phaeales' id inducing presence, which drew out more than he'd normally give. as for blade's characterization, if he isn't in the throes of mara madness, i really can't see him being a hellion 24/7. he feels more somber to me when lucid.

of course, that changes if the right buttons are pressed... but that isn't exclusive to him.

since the final chapter is divided into three main scenes, i wanted to fully explore the three predominant ways i picture a yandere version of blade acting. the first is his guilt and shame, the second, his mara-induced sadism, and the third, a more neutral self where reason prevails.

i hope that you enjoyed reading nexus as much as i enjoyed writing it!! although the main storyline is finished, i'm by no means done with the universe as a whole. i'm planning a little epilogue for starters. then maybe some side stories from blade's perspective ?? who knows, the motivation's still there, so anything is possible.

thank you again 💖

-sincerely, lock.

Tag list: @99-nct @pixiestixes (idk why the tag thingy won't work but an effort was made) ...

#blade x reader #yandere blade x reader #honkai star rail x reader #yandere honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #yandere hsr x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #nexus #my stuff

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sl-newsie · 2 months

Text

Melted Mind (Dr. Spencer Reid x OC Coworker)

Summary: The team checks into a hotel and one of their coworkers has never used a sauna, leading to late night shenanigans. (Hinting at intimacy towards the end)

“You’ve never used a sauna?”

I’ve had a lot of strange and unusual conversations with the BAU but this has got to be a very random one. I guess one half-mention of never having used a sauna seems to be the hot topic of tonight.

I shake my head at Emily’s question. “Never had a reason to. I can’t stand being too hot.”

Of course now Spencer has to hop in and give his input. “Saunas actually help us sweat toxins out of our bodies and improve lymphatic drainage. They also reduce stress levels and help strengthen the immune system.”

I love him dearly but he can come in at the worst times. Just because he’s my boyfriend does not mean he can drag me into this too.

Meanwhile Emily is looking at the hotel’s brochure. “There’s one in the pool room. We should try it.”

Um, no. We’ve just spent three hours flying. I feel no need to sit in a boiling hot room with my coworkers.

Quick, grab the suitcase and start walking away. “I think I’m going to relax in my room-”

Morgan grabs my arm. “C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

In the corner of my eye I see JJ and Penelope waving goodbye with cheeky smiles. Hotch has already gone to his room and Rossi avoids the situation by heading for the bar. There’s no getting out of this.

There’s no other way to say it. This is Hell. I won’t sugarcoat it.

I don’t care how Emily tries to sell this as a good thing because it’s a ‘steam sauna.’ Spencer’s facts from earlier have completely flown the coop because thinking about the positive health benefits of sweating is the last thing on my mind. All I can think of is drinking water and staying alive.

“I’m melting.” We’ve been here for half an hour and I’m already slumped in the corner.

“You look like a lava lamp."

My glare can burn through walls. “Thanks, Morgan.”

“That swimsuit is really cute,” Emily comments. “But why wear a shirt over it?”

The suit I packed is my patriotic one. A one-piece suit with blue and white stars at the top cascading into red and white stripes. When we met up in the hall I threw on a swim shirt and I guess that raised a few eyebrows. Why? I don’t know.

“Some call it image paranoia, I call it modesty. I will not walk around half-naked in a hotel lobby.” Technically my onepiece could count as a leotard but it’s still not modest.

Emily snickers. “Between you and Reid both you guys could give a lecture on social etiquette.”

“I’m giving a lecture?”

Reid pokes his head in and a wave of cold air washes over me. It’s Heaven! But it’s only a split second because he closes the door and I’m submerged in the moist prison once more. He hops up on the seat next to me and from the look he gives me I can tell he’s looking to see if I’m still alive. I think I am. Maybe.

“Here’s the boy genius!” Morgan claps and gestures to my limp body’s presentation of a corpse. “What do you think of this lovely swimsuit?”

Why? Why did Morgan of all people have to find out about us? I’m honestly surprised Penelope didn’t find out first. If only Spencer didn’t want a picture of me on his desk so badly. Ever since we became official he’s been much more manly about it. Like he wants to make sure everyone knows I’m his. It’s actually cute.

Spencer gives me a look-over. “Very patriotic. It looks nice.”

Those eyes say more than that. He loves it.

“Thank you. I’m lucky I brought it with me. Though this may be what I’m buried in if I don’t make it through tonight. This sauna’s going to be the death of me.”

So the night goes on. My mind dwindles in and out of the conversation but the only thing keeping me awake is Spencer’s occasional squeeze on my shoulder. Though him rubbing my back is definitely not helping. After a while my mind starts to wander.

“Ever notice how radio stations play the same songs over and over?”

The chatter stops and in the corner of my glazed eye I see everyone look at me.

“That’s kinda deep,” Morgan teases.

“I can’t help it. This sauna’s making me think deep.”

Emily waves a hand in front of me. “Ok, I think it’s time to call it a night. You need to drink some water. Make sure she gets to bed safely, Reid.”

Reid gives me a hidden smirk. He’s definitely thinking about that out of context. Thankfully the others are too tired to notice and we all slowly exit the human vegetable steamer from Hell.

“I’ll go get you a towel,” Reid says before walking off.

I’ll finally get to go to my room, rinse off and relax- Uh-oh. I catch a quick glance out the window. A pair of blue sunglasses lies on a patio lawn chair. No one’s outside. I guess I should do the Girl Scout routine of returning them to the lobby desk.

Brr! How is the air outside so cold? The sauna must have really gotten to me. Back inside now- Oh no. Is it my wandering mind or am I locked out? No. No! I don’t have a key card!

Inside Spencer walks around the pool looking for me. The towel he’s carrying might as well be a fur coat.

“Oh- Spencer! Help!” I knock on the glass door. “Please! I’m locked out!”

Reid’s eyes widen and he strides over. “How did you get stuck out there?”

“Someone left their sunglasses out here and I didn’t think about needing a key card to get back inside. Could you let me in?”

He starts reaching for the door but then gets an amused smirk. “Hmm. I don’t know…”

Is he kidding? “Spencer! Please! It’s freezing out here!”

Reid checks the thermostat. “It’s only 65 degrees.”

“I just came out of a sauna! Do you want me to pass out?” I put my hands on my hips.

Spencer’s laughter is muffled by the glass but he turns the doorknob anyway. “Open sesame.”

I sigh in relief at the warm air. “Thank you- oh!”

My temperature spikes the instant Spencer’s lips are on mine. He backs me against the cold condensation-covered door and pulls me close to him. I hope no one’s looking!

“It was hard not to do that in front of the team, seeing you in this suit.” Spencer presses a kiss on my cheek. “It looks very nice.”

If I weren’t so exhausted I’d encourage this. “Ready to go to bed? I’m getting tired.”

“Me too.” Reid wraps the towel around my shaking shoulders and we start walking back. “Would you like me to rub your back?”

“I’d love that very much, Spencer.”

The sight of our hotel room is equivalent to scoring an A+. I speed-wash through the shower and all but dive onto the soft bed. I lift my sleepy head up to look at Spencer, who’s sitting in the lounge chair staring at me.

“What?”

“You know my attraction to you didn’t start from your body,” he murmurs, still looking at me as if examining a piece of art.

I smile shyly and look down. “It was my eyes.”

He walks over and kneels down to my level. “It was your eyes. Those eyes that show a deep wisdom but are always wide with excited curiosity.”

Spencer crawls up onto the bed and rests his head on my chest. “Still tired? I can feel your heart rate elevating-”

“Let me pause the lecture, professor.” I put a finger to his lips. “It’s time to sleep. You can resume tomorrow.”

He sighs but gives in to his own tired state by going limp. I’m too tired to push him off.

“You were right, Spencer. Saunas really do reduce stress levels. Even if I was almost locked out.”

He smiles with his eyes closed and feels around for the bedside light switch. “Goodnight, angel.”

The room goes dark and I give him one last kiss. “Goodnight, genius.”

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animeyanderelover · 2 years

Note

I’m currently in Europe so I’m awake for once when requests are open!

May I request how Ciel, Sebastian, and Reiji Sakamaki’s would treat a s/o who’s body is really fragile (they bruise easily, have fragile bones, etc.). Thank you very much! 💖

I actually planned a little special for my 6k celebration but I’m still so loaded with requests that I think that I’ll have to cancel that and do it a bit later😵‍💫.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, overprotective behavior, abduction

S/o with a very fragile body

Ciel Phantomhive

☕️Ciel’s condition was of a rather delicate status during his early childhood days too. His asthma used to be quite bad, there were days where he couldn’t leave the house or his room. So despite his strict and sometimes apathetic attitude he can understand his darling’s frustration and anger regarding the hindrance that is their body. Unable to do so many things simply because it’ll only result in large and painful bruises or even a few broken bones. Whilst the Phantomhive heir bears more sympathy for you though, that doesn’t mean by a long shot that he’ll let you risk anything. He’s overprotective and his paranoia worsens because of your risky condition. He probably feels the constant need to know where you are and if he’s in the mansion, he wants you in his field of vision.

☕️A doctor is constantly checking on your condition and is always kept close in case something should happen. He’ll also force you to consume medicine and vitamins to strengthen your immune system and overall condition. Ciel will also be really pissed if one of his clumsy servants accidentally hurts you. He holds them dear somewhere in his heart, knows that all of them are primarily here for their skills to kill and protect him. That all doesn’t stop him from lashing out on them if their chaotic antics hurt you, especially because of your delicate body. He argues heavily with you when you insist to do something which he knows your body won’t handle and at one point just snaps, slight paranoia shining through.

☕️He feels sorry afterwards but knows that he’s in the right. Ciel tries to be softer and more spoiling to you in other areas as a sort of attempt to distract you from the sadness of the inability of your own body. Your room is designed to be comfy and cozy with minimal risk of you hurting yourself. There are events where you two do go out but you’re never allowed to stray away from him as he keeps an eye on your condition sharply. When he catches yet another bruise on your body, he will end up interrogating you how and where you got it. The whole mansion is over time (y/n)-proofed for you only to decrease chances of you hurting yourself. He treats you like glass at most times.

Sebastian Michaelis

🐈‍⬛It’s pure and unaltered overprotective instincts speaking out of the demon because his human mate is such a delicate thing. He feels the constant need to be around you to protect you from everything that could even bruise your skin or hurt and damage you even the slightest bit. When he catches a good glimpse of your bruises and scratches the first time, you swear that you hear a low growl rumbling deep inside his chest. He still has a contract with his master but at times he seems slightly tense, subtle glances outside and at the clock. As soon as the demon is free to go, he’s rushing to you to check on you. It isn’t very often that he’s ever made a great fuss about someone but he does exactly that when he’s with you.

🐈‍⬛The demon becomes essentially your doctor who bandages every little injury and makes ointment himself to help the bruises you have. He is able to sense your disappointment and sadness because your body holds you back from doing the most basic things but Sebastian is firm in his decision to minimize the risk of you hurting yourself. Whether you like it or not, you’re his mate and he can’t let you risk your health. Sebastian keeps you fairly isolated and to himself as he’s coddling over your fragile condition. He could almost enjoy this in a way, him as your sole caretaker, if it wouldn’t be for the constant injuries. It isn’t normal nor healthy which only makes him more protective, worried for your wellbeing. He’d like to call himself patient but it’s likely he’s tempted to kidnap you faster because of your weak physical body.

🐈‍⬛He’s clingy, barely leaves you alone when he’s with you and is staring at you just to ensure that nothing happens. Your sadness doesn’t fly over his head though as he tries to entertain you otherwise. He gets you books, reads to you, if you enjoy music he’ll play something for you. The demon himself is more careful with his own physical affection simply because he knows that you can’t handle much. Normally he’d love to bruise you with bites and kisses but he has to hold back as you are unable to endure that. He still needs some skin-ship so he often holds you softly in his arms. He’s quite aggressive if someone accidentally hurts you, even if just by accidents since his overprotective instincts just ring loudly the moment you get harmed.

Reiji Sakamaki

☕️Reiji is the worst one in here which is essentially boiled down to two main reasons. The first one is that he’s such a perfectionist and has high expectations on his s/o. Surely they’re special because otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten obsessed with them. Their frail body is such a big thorn in his eyes though and he’s not one to hide his obvious displeasure because of it. Especially in the beginning he openly shows his dissatisfaction and it makes you feel down because you know that he’s blaming you too for not having done more to fix your body. The vampire dedicates his time into brewing together medicine to increase your physical health and you’re forced to consume it daily.

☕️He even watches you just to make sure that you really take it. You’re on a strict schedule as it is. A healthy diet, physical workouts to slowly strengthen your bones and the time where you go to bed and get enough rest. Reiji is a controlling individual and wants his partner to be perfect in every aspect. Another big problem is that Reiji is a sadist and will punish his s/o if they misbehave. He’s not as dumb and impulsive as to let that get the better of him if he’s confronted with your weak body. If he goes too harsh, chances are that he will cause you permanent damage and he does not wish to be responsible if he ruins you. He will still lecture and teach you better if you behave like an ungrateful brat. You should thank him for even bothering with a helpless case like you.

☕️He’s huge in degrading you for your condition and making you feel like you’re a burden because of it. Harshly sucking your blood so that it hurts is also always an option although he makes sure that you always consume enough nutrition to ensure a healthy blood flow. You end up with large bruises on your neck and shoulder though whenever he does this. Examines your body all the time for new bruises and is always questioning you sternly when he sees a new one. All your clothes are covering you up completely to hide all the bruises because he doesn’t want his brothers to look and make unnecessary comments. He is more lovely when he softens up, treats you nicer and far more delicate, indulges in little wishes of yours as he stops blaming you for your fragile body.

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere ciel #yandere ciel phantomhive #yandere sebastian #yandere sebastian michaelis #yandere diabolik lovers #yandere reiji #yandere reiji sakamaki

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blackypanther9 · 10 months

Text

How to turn a Killer into a Bunny – (FNaF Movie)William Afton x Male!Reader

WARNING!: Cursing !!!

Part 2 – Aunt Jane

They got home after Mike and M/n were shopping for a bit of food and drinks. Michael didn’t have much anymore and really had to watch the price tags. Max told him that food was still left over and warm and that Abby didn’t eat yet, which Mike decided to take care of.

After a while he came back out, utterly defeated.

“She still refused ?”, M/n asked.

“She keeps talking about her imaginary friends...”, Mike sighed out and sat down on the couch.

“I should probably leave.”, Max said.

“No, no. The three of us have to discuss something before you leave, Max, but first, let me try to convince Abby to eat...”, M/n said and left.

“Good luck.”, Mike called after him.

M/n entered Abby’s room soon enough and looked over her shoulder at the drawing, she was working on.

“I don’t want to eat right now.”, she informed M/n.

“Abby, please eat now. Your drawing isn’t going to run away from you, but your food will get cold and then it will taste bad.”, M/n told her softly.

“We can make new food.”

“Abby...we can’t.”

“What do you mean ?”, Abby asked.

“Oh dear, how do I explain this... Mikey lost his job and with that you don’t get any money right now. It means you are unable to get more food and drinks, like stuff to draw on. Mikey and I are looking for another job for him already, right now, but until then, PLEASE just eat when you are told to eat, yes ? You worry Mikey and me with your habit to starve until you are done drawing.”

Abby looked at her drawing, then at M/n and then at her bed. She seemed like she listened to someone talking. Then she looked at M/n again.

“My friend said that Mike is stupid. He said that if kids don’t eat properly, they will stop growing.”, Abby told M/n.

M/n looked at her and frowned.

“But that is true. If you don’t eat and sleep properly until a certain age, you stop growing sooner and stay small for the rest of your life.”

“How is that possible ? That sounds stupid.”, Abby asked.

“Well, I mean when you are older, you will learn about that in school, but food and sleep are very important to our bodies and our systems. Our immune System gets strengthened when we eat Vegetables and fruit and bread and when we get sick our immune System develops, to deal with it better next time. Our body grows thanks to sleep and the food, we consume. Healthy food. It has a lot of protein, Vitamins and minerals.”

“And how is that getting into our body ?”, she asked confused.

She got up and M/n walked with her to the living room.

“Hm, well, what we drink and eat comes out of us too. That is why we go to the bathroom and need to take daily dumps.”

“Eww...”, she said grossed out.

“It is all natural. Every living being does that. Our digesting System does the rest for us, I suppose. It pulls out all the important minerals, vitamins and protein it needs and then another part of our body works it over and it ends up in our blood, while the unnecessary stuff, gets washed out of us and into the toilet. So a lot of it does our stomach.”

“What if I don’t drink enough ?”, she asked.

“You will get thirsty and your thirst will be too much for your stomach to handle. Your throat will scream endlessly for water, while your stomach begs you to stop, that is why Mike tells you to drink enough and why he tells you that you didn’t drink enough at certain days. Our body is mostly made out of water and our organs need a lot of it too. And when you are sick and drink a lot, there is a high possibility that you get healthy quickly, with a lot of resting, of course.”

“Why even is our body tired, when we are sick ?”

M/n grabbed a plate and put the Macaroni and Cheese on it, not all of it, but enough for Abby to eat. Mike needed food too. While he piled the plate he explained.

“Because it focuses all its energy against the thing that harms us. A disease is always a small virus and our immune System is there to destroy it as fast as possible, with that it focuses all your energy on healing and getting better, that’s why you are always so tired after. The disease you have, that the body fights off, can only leave, when you wash your body out, in other words, drink a lot and sleep and go to the bathroom. Fresh air and a bit of movement is also very good when you are sick, with that you strengthen your body to be stronger next time you are sick.”

Then he gave her the plate and they sat down on the couch. Mike stared at M/n impressed. When M/n talks about something, even the most boring thing, he can make it sound very interesting.

“Huh...”, Abby replied.

“Our body is full of wonders. Kids your age still need nap times and a lot of sleep, to get stronger and to grow properly, that is why Mike and the other adults are so mean to you and tell you what to do. And no, in fast food is nothing healthy for your body. Some bit of salad is not enough. Too much meat is bad, too much sweets is bad, too much fried things is bad. You need everything balanced, for your body. I am not saying that eating any of it is harmful, but too much of it, will harm you. Too much sweets, you will suffer with stomach aches, too much eggs, same thing and you will fart a lot.”

“Eww !”, she giggled out.

M/n chuckled and looked at her with a small smile.

“Everything needs to be balanced, Abby, dear. Otherwise, everything comes crashing down on you one day and then you will regret a lot, but can’t do anything to change it anymore.”

She was quiet at that and looked at M/n.

“From where do you know all of this ?”, she asked.

M/n chuckled.

“My Mother was quite small. She was short, a head shorter than an average sized woman was, her hands were small, her fingers short and her feet the same. She forced me to eat healthily. Three to four times a day and a lot of fruits and vegetables and she forced me to sleep a lot. I hated her as a child for it, until she explained to me one day why she did it. She rebelled against her parents too, when she was my age and...that was the outcome for her. She was small, weak and she hated her feet and hands. She always called them Baby hands and baby feet, because they were so small. When she properly slept and ate, she had quick growing spurts, but as she rebelled...she stopped growing and she regretted it deeply, that’s why she forced me. That’s why Mike wants you to listen and do as you are told. So you won’t end up like that.”

Everyone stared and he had a wobbly smile on his face, silent tears running down his face.

“She couldn’t even change a light bulb that was over her head, because she was too short, always needed a ladder.”, he got out with a voice, thick with emotion.

The three stared at him.

“I was gone for only two days and I saw her dead on the stairs with that cursed ladder fallen over and the light bulb shattered on the floor.”, he sobbed out.

At that all six eyes were ripped wide open. That’s how his Mother died three years ago ! The ladder fell over with her on top, she fell and hit the stairs, breaking her neck in the process.

“Oh god...M/n...”, Mike got out and hugged him from the side.

Max took the other and stroked his hair, while he sobbed. Abby left her food alone and got on M/n’s lap, hugging him from the front tightly. He hugged her back, while he calmed down. No need to start wailing again like a three year old. For fucks sake he was 25 years old !

“I don’t want the same to happen to you, Abby. One day you will be all grown up and you will want to be independent from Mike and me. How are you supposed to, if you are too small to reach anything alone ? One day Mike might not even be there anymore, for you and what then ? Who will help you ?”, M/n asked, voice emotional, but not hiccupping.

“I understand, M/n. I will...listen more to Mike...”, Abby replied.

“But only about sleep and eating, right ?”, he sniffed out a joke.

She giggled and nodded.

“Only on that.”, she confirmed.

“Eh, at least something, Abbs.”, Mike replied with a smile in his voice.

Then they parted and Abby continued to eat.

“So what did we need to talk about ?”, Max asked.

“Mike has his eyes on a certain job. But he can only get the Nightshift. Do you think you can babysit at night ?”, M/n asked softly.

She looked at Mike at that.

“Really ?”, she asked surprised.

“Yes. I would take the job, but I wanted you to have time to either accept or decline babysitting.”, Michael replied.

“Let me think about it for a bit.”, Max replied softly.

“Okay.”, Mike replied.

With that Max took her stuff and left. M/n waited for a while and then scoffed.

“I still don’t trust her.”

“M/n-“

“Mike she is acting fishy.”, M/n interrupted him, before he could defend Max again.

He sighed and leaned back. M/n rubbed his eyes and then got up.

“Eat something Mike. I will drive home now and we will see each other tomorrow, okay ?”, M/n asked.

Michael nodded.

“Be careful on your way home, yeah ?”

“I will be.”

With that M/n left and drove home in his own car.

-The next day-

Abby was drawing outside of the building Mike and M/n were in. The Social Services department, a woman always talks with Abby and the woman then talks to both Mike and Jane about it all.

“Just look at my Nephew. It is barely 10:00 and he can barely keep his eyes open.”, Jane said.

M/n turned to her.

“He didn’t sleep well tonight, so what ? As if you always get out of bed full with energy, woman.”, he argued back and stuck his tongue out at her.

“You keep your nose out of this.”, she said back.

“You aren’t my Mother, so you have to suck it up. How long and how often do you wanna pull the same show now ? You aren’t gonna get what you want, like always. Why do you still bother ?”

“After what this man did to that poor family Father, I am thinking mostly of Abby now.”

“If the child would have been kidnapped, like Mike thought, by the way the man DRAGGED and TORE the kid away, and he wouldn’t have done anything, you would sit here now and say ‘THAT POOR CHILD, LOOK HOW IRRISPONSIBLE HE IS.’. So how about you shut up ? It was a misunderstanding and Mike already got scolded, it’s not like he killed someone. It looked like the kid was about to get kidnapped, Mike misunderstood the situation and jumped in to protect a defenseless kid. My god, such things happen some times. You make a big show out of this. We all know Mike is not abusive to Abby.”

Jane scoffed and then had a scowl on her face, directed at M/n.

“As if you would know.”, she snapped at him.

“I do know so in fact. I am there every day. I watch Mike the whole time. I KNOW what is happening in that house and I have a recording of how the kid got DRAGGED by his so called Father. I have all the evidence I need. Where is yours, that Mike is abusive and bad for Abby ? He takes any job he can get and works his ass off for her and himself. Yes, he is tired, but he has more problems than your primadonna girl ass. Keyword: BILLS. Wow ! Ever heard of BILLS ? Cool, now shut up and stop annoying us.”

She glared at him and then at the woman worker.

“Look at the disrespect he has towards his elders.”, she accused.

“MY elders ? Woman, you act like a 12 year old, each time we are here. You put up a drama show and then expect to get what you want. We KNOW that you fake it. Stop being so fake and be an actual aunt that LOVES and CHERISHES BOTH of her Sister’s children, the only Family, by the way, that you still HAVE, you single, old fossil !”

She stared at M/n with an agape mouth.

“Honestly that is all you do, make a scene from the smallest things and then try to make everyone believe that Mike is the bad guy, no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries. You want me to respect my elders, then you should respect YOUR younger generation first. They are, quite literally, YOUR future. You already made Mike not like you and Abby isn’t fond of you either, so maybe accept defeat, take the last few remains of dignity that you still have left and leave them both alone.”

“You bratty little-“

“You are the brat here, woman. Both of them want NOTHING to do with you and you just CAN’T leave them both be. You want to rip siblings apart for a stupid paycheck ! How stupid do you think we are ?!”, M/n yelled at her now.

Jane put a hand on her chest.

“How can you say something like that ?”, she said offended.

“Woman, I know how you tick ! We all know that you are faking it ! God...just why the heck do you think NOBODY likes you ?!”

“I think we should all calm down now.”, the social services worker said softly.

M/n took a deep breath and looked at her, away from Jane.

“I’m terribly sorry that she gets on my nerves. This outburst won’t happen again.”, M/n said, calm again.

“It is quite alright, M/n. You just said, what you felt. That is healthy.”

“Just like a child drawing all the time and seeing magical creatures that don’t even exist ?!”, Jane yelled.

M/n’s glare hardened and he was close to snap again. He took a deep breath and then looked at that annoying Bitch again, wishing her a brutal death already in his head.

“Abby is a child and children have a wild imagination. She is an active child and it is completely normal for her. She will grow out of it.”

Jane scoffed and gave him a nasty smirk.

“Like you did ? You still talk to yourself.”, she snapped back.

M/n’s glare intensified.

“Only when I am frustrated and usually I talk to objects then. Like when I am angry and my pen falls from the desk, then I say: ‘Of course, fall down, not like I need you Bitch, I have other pens too.’ And grab then another one. It is entirely normal.”

She laughed without humor.

“As if !”

“It is called letting steam off. Now shut up and leave me alone.”, M/n replied with a smirk and turned to Mike, who was just hoping that this meeting will be over soon.

“This is ridiculous... Abby needs to get away from them, this has been going on for long enough. Doug.”

Her lawyer didn’t react.

“Doug !”, she called.

He snapped out of it and gave Mike a pile of papers, on the front stood “Family Court Matter”. M/n wanted to laugh and planned her death, even though, he knew that he can’t kill her. He was no murderer, nor did he have the skills to be one.

“This is the only right thing to do and deep in your heart you know it too, Mike. You are unfit to raise a child.”, Jane said.

“And what if I don’t sign them ?”, Mike asked.

“Then me and my lawyer will drag you to court and they will take care that you will see your Sister never again. Do you want that ?”

Mike looked at the paper. M/n leaned over to his ear.

“I will find a way to get her to lose, don’t worry about it, Mikey.”

He looked at his friend and just nodded softly, then Jane and Doug left and Mike, M/n and the social services worker went to the hall, watching Abby from a window, while they talked.

“She just wants the monthly paycheck, this is not about Abby.”, Mike said.

“Of course it is not. She could take care of the both of you, she is your aunt too, but she refuses. She is very fixed on Abby and taking her away, no matter what, doesn’t matter if Abby said a million times already that she hates her. Any normal thinking person would have left you and Abby alone after that. If it would be about Abby, she would respect her wishes, which, spoiler alert: she doesn’t.”, M/n replied annoyed.

The woman looked at them and they chatted for a while longer. That Mike was important to Abby, that drawings are very important to children and that she definitely loves him the most, which made M/n smile.

“See ? Your Sister loves you in her own special way.”, M/n chuckled out.

“Yeah. But my aunt is right...no one would let me keep my Sister.”, Mike stated saddened.

“Did you already find a new job ?”, the woman asked.

He looked at her and was hesitant.

“He had one offered, but the Babysitter needs to give a reply, so we can arrange everything, before he takes the job.”, M/n answered for him.

She looked at M/n and nodded with a smile.

“It always gives you extra points, if you have a job.”, she told them and then sent them off, wishing them a great day.

Then they grabbed Abby and drove home. As they parked at their home, Mike received a call from Max and he picked it up.

“Hey, have you decided yet ?”, Mike asked.

There was silence for a second, then a relieved sigh.

“Thank you so much, Max. Yes, yes. I promise, as soon as I can, I will repay you.”, Mike replied and then hung up.

“So I’m guessing she will watch Abby at nights.”, M/n concluded.

“Yes, she will.”

#male!reader #fanfiction #fnaf #Five Nights at Freddy's Movie #FNaF Movie #Steve Raglan/William Afton #Steve Raglan x Reader #William Afton x Reader #purple guy #Part 2 – Aunt Jane #How to turn a Killer into a Bunny – (FNaF Movie)William Afton x Male!Reader #michael schmidt

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themoonsbride · 2 years

Text

She's Mine, You Stay Away From Her .

pairing; Peter Ballard x Fem!Reader

summary; Reader is basically in Elevens spot like in the episodes leading up to 7; The Massacre at Hawkins Lab in season 4

warnings; swearing, descriptions of - Murder, insanity, hatred, being shocked, anxiety, isolation. Peter himself is considered a warning for this fic.

a/n; I've spent forever working on this agh!!! it's been taking up my time of working on other requests </3 but I got the inspiration of this fic based of an edit I saw of Peter to this song! I also just really wanted to write him to a Pierce The Veil song because they're my favorite band :) (HOPING THIS DOESNT FLOP HHJ)

word count; 5.1k

--×♥︎×--

The lingering quietness was always off putting inside of Hawkins Labrotory. It always made you feel uneasy. The fact that you were forced to live and work here everyday for most likely the rest of your life was uneasy.

But there was nothing that could be done, Martin Brenner was a dangerously powerful man who ruled over everybody that was within the walls of his facility.

And it was clear to you that he had not a single silver of an amount for care for the humans inside of his building either. If he did, he wouldn't be scientifically experimenting on children to give them different forms of physiological powers. It was inhuman to do this to undeveloped brains of practically toddlers.

And you having to watch and document it happen every single day was picking away at your sanity piece by piece. What you would do if you could've had the power the children withheld.

You would take matters into your own hands and put an end to all of this insanity that went on, put an end to the man behind the madness.

You weren't sure if you were losing your sanity, or if it was already lost. But you would do anything to break free of this hell, Martin seemed to be Satan himself when someone did something he didn't like, if they even breathed the wrong way, his wrath would come their way and would last for longer than you'd prefer to admit.

But you weren't the only one who seemed to grow this type of hatred for a place like this, no. There was another, And though you'd never been directly told you weren't the only one, you could tell. It was obvious in your eyes.

He seemed to be Brenners favorite, and also his most hated worker, And his name is Peter Ballard. A man with the facial features made of pure beauty like a God.

He isolated from others, as they were uninterested in him and often spat shit at him, infront of him and behind his back and you'd heard it all. Some of the pesky rumors that went around about that gorgeous man seemed so ridiculous a fucking 4th grader could've came up with better.

You were both just looking at eachother, the tension wasn't awkward between the two of you, she was nervous to be standing before you, you towered over her.

She probably would have started to sweat thick bullets if it weren't constantly fucking cold. Which surprisingly didn't constantly get the children sick, maybe them having humanly impossible powers strengthened their immune system to the point they don't get sick anymore.

It wouldn't suprise you if that were true, nothing was surprising anymore unless Brenner left you off with a warning and not 3 hours of you getting shocked to the point your nerves went numb and you felt like you were about to take your last fucking breathe.

"play." Eleven mumbled out and lightly tugged on the hem of your skirt. you raised a brow at her, your face felt blank, and numb, you felt numb inside too.

"play what." your voice was clear and ferm, your remember how your mother used to tell you when you were a teenager that she loved the femininity in your voice, it made you sound more professional.

The image of your mother's face in your head made you feel a certain way, a feeling that had felt lost for a long time, like it was hidden deep and burrowed inside you.

"puzzle." Eleven spoke, bringing you back to the reality you lived in today. the dreadful reality you lived in.

"okay." her small fingers wrapped around your index one, guiding you towards a small table, leaving you next to one of the chairs, you sat down feeling somewhat hesitant. You didn't understand, why now? why would Eleven now be talking to you?

Maybe it was something under the control of Peter, or Brenner, maybe either of them convinced her to talk to you, to get you to like her and use her as a weakness towards you. You didn't trust anyone anymore, the first look you took inside this building, you knew you were fucked.

Eleven sat across from you and placed a tiger children's puzzle onto the table, opening the box carefully. Everything felt off, You'd never spoken to Peter before, but you didn't need too, you already knew he hated this facility as much if not more than you did.

But you did supervise the rainbow room together, You were never a fan of the room, infact you seemed to have a weird sense of hatred for it, the way the room was displayed.

Maybe it was those muted rainbows on the wall and flooring. Or all the toys that surrounded them to make it seem like they were cared for, when in reality it was most likely to keep them distracted from the mortifying reality around them.

The somewhat nice part about that room was the children mostly placed nicely with one another, the youngest would play with wooden building blocks or solve animal puzzles. There were only around 4 of the children that were in their tweens..

It was 002 and his gang, God you fucking hated 002 and his devious little followers. All they did was bother one of the subjects, and specifically one, her name was Eleven.

She never caused trouble, because she was too afraid. She feared everybody, and she was only a little bit older than the youngest ones. She was 8 years old, the younger ones were more around 5-6.

She was especially scared of the workers, but she liked to play around with the puzzles and challenge herself to see if she could solve them, she also seemed to be observant.

She seemed to take interest in you, often you would catch her looking over at you, but you'd never thought anything of it, mainly because you couldn't care enough.

But today was different, because this time instead of the small girl just eagerly staring at you, she ended up walking her walk over towards you. You tried not to show the suprise on your face, you saw Peter watching her as if he were a hawk and she was a meek prey from the corner of your eye.

Her shaved head looked up at your eyes, You assumed she wanted to talk to you, but since she was 8, and no one cared to teach these beings anything else other than how to enhance their powers, they most likely didn't understand how to form full sentences from what you've seen and heard.

You looked around the room carefully without trying to move your head much, you started inspecting the rest of the ominously quiet room. The children were usual to minding their business.

You brought your gaze to the blonde man who kept to himself, and noticed he couldn't seem to keep his own gaze off of you.

'..Weird.'

You looked back over at Eleven and found her struggling to fit a puzzle piece to connect with another, though it was the wrong piece. You carefully took the small cardboard photo from her tiny fingers and placed it in the spot, she just stared at you, like she were embarrassed.

You weren't really sure what you were supposed to do or say now, you sort of just awkwardly smiled, it was too quiet for you to speak, your sanity didn't want you to crack somehow by simply speaking to an 8 year old.

She sort of just awkwardly looked away from you like she felt shy or wanted to speak, but obviously as noted before, she doesn't really understand how. Which is expected.

She instead just went back to figuring out how to member the tiger into a normal photo once more. You observed her movements closely, usually when she would think very critically of her next move she'd place her small index finger onto her chin or lower lip.

Every now and again she had to look up in your direction, as her way of saying "help" or "can't figure it out" and you wordlessly helped her and pieced the correct parts together. She'd finished her puzzle just as Brenner had entered the room.

"Goodmorning Children." And there she was to get quick on her feet and in her spot where she always stood in union with the rest of her "siblings."

You were meant to stand as well and did so, you watched all of them follow out behind Brenner and were fast to break the puzzle and place it back inside its box and onto the shelf where it was kept.

When you turned again, Peter was still stood in that spot next to the door, you knew he was watching you, and as much as it would've put anyone else on edge, it didn't for you. You were constantly being watched by your every move in your life now, so it seemed like nothing new.

--×♥︎×--

It was now your break, taking your time into the breakroom, it was like any other room. Only with a fridge and a counter top inside of it with a coffee machine. The coffee was rancid, tasted horrid.

The taste of the dirt water reminded you of when your father forced you into summer camp, when he first told you he had signed you up, you were extremely pissed.

"I'm am not going daddy! I do not want to go to summer camp! I'd rather be home!"

You would whine and complain to him, but there was nothing to be done, he already signed the paperwork and handed over the cash.

And when you had gone, it was more fun than you had expected. You went inside of a swamp and a creek, and went fishing, did tie die and collected rocks and small insects. You'd even found a snapping turtle once.

Remembering the times of your early teenage years and how you'd been happy made you feel a sense of grief, and also anger. With yourself and the world around you.

You pushed through the double doors of the breakroom, grabbing water from the half broken refrigerator and sat down by yourself, alone.

You were always alone, even when there were others around you, you were alone. No one seemed to take interest in you, not like you'd wanted them to anymore at this point.

Even if you could see through that perfectly physical man with those deep blue eyes, you were still alone. you always were since birth. Barely ever had many friends, always the targeted girl when it came to kids who had troubles in their own lives and had the shit audacity to take it out on you.

What you would've given to get your revenge on those little fucks at the time you were dealing with them.

What you would give to get your revenge on Brenner and all the shit he's dumped onto you and the rest of the people who were imprisoned here.

Your train of thought about you getting your pay back was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening again. You didn't want to make it noticeable that you were checking who was entering, But you weren't too shocked to see it was Peter.

You stared at the bottle of water that was held in your hands, small beads of sweat forming on the plastic and making your hands moist.

The sound of coffee pouring from the dispenser of the machine filled the room, no matter how similar you could tell you were to others, you never understood the trouble they would put themselves through of drinking the mud water that was labeled as "coffee" in this building.

what's something that was a shock to you about the man was that he'd sat across from you, he never interacted with you before and now he's suddenly across from you, you could feel him staring again.

It was like Lazer beams burning through metal. You'd felt that same feeling with Brenner multiple times before, it was an anxiety inducing feeling.

It reminded you of how he'd lecture and yell at you for the littlest of actions, like giving one of the children candy or something else that doesn't even matter.

And then when you would refuse to look at him because you didn't want to see that familiar cold glare that would send shrieks of fear throughout your entire being he'd send you to the punishment room.

Your skin began to form goosebumps at the memory of your entire body going numb and not being able to feel anything and your throat constantly hoarse and sore from that fucking collar he'd put on you like you were some dog.

Your skin felt itself getting warmer like your blood was boiling with rage from all your mistreatment and how you could do absolutely nothing about what you've gone through.

You shook your thoughts away, not wanting to physically remember what it felt like to wear that collar or feel those metal rods connect with your skin.

"Eleven seemed to take an interest in you today." His voice broke the imagery of your memories and your eyes automatically looked into his, they weren't cold like Brenners, they were light, and reminded you of clear skies during the summer that you used to take in while you'd make castles at the beach when you were a child, or would learn to ride your bike as your mother helped guide you in the spring, how you'd ride around your neighborhood as a teenager and would embrace the warm air and beautiful sky.

"Yeah, I suppose she did." Your voice was flat, but it wasn't cold, or mean, but it also didn't sound normal, but what would he know anyway? he's never even spoken to you before.

"She usually doesn't do that with the orderly." He clearly wanted to talk to you about something and it wasn't Eleven, but you weren't sure if you should just go along with it, or tell him to get on with the point already.

"She usually isn't like that with anyone." you remarked, there was a slight snark in your tone, you didn't really want to come off as snarky, but who wouldn't after all the shit that goes on in this place?

"So I've noticed" He didn't sound mad, and he still hadn't taken his eyes off you the entire time, it was a little uncomfortable how good he was at holding eye contact, but maybe that's what the point of making it so strong, was to make the other uncomfortable.

Or maybe it could've been unintentional, it was clear why it was one of the reasons your coworkers commented it on it and called him 'weird' or 'creepy.'

It didn't make you as uncomfortable as it would've others, it was normal to feel that way in Hawkins Labrotory. But when it was Peter who was making this strong of eye contact, it didn't seem that uncomfortable anymore. His eyes were so angelic and his hair seemed perfect in the horrible light, almost like there was a halo around his head.

It felt almost like you were losing yourself in him, like the way you'd lose yourself in the pages of a book, or a masterpiece of a drawing that someone would spend day and night on.

Maybe because in your eyes, he was like a masterpiece drawing, he was beautiful.

The both of you were just glaring at eachother now. It wasn't awkward, it only would've been if you told yourself it was. You learned a long time ago about how it worked that way, your mother had told you.

"That was so awkward.." You spoke quietly, walking out of the doctors office with your mother.

"It was only awkward because you had told yourself it was." She replied, walking to the car that your father was waiting in.

"What do you mean?" You looked up at her as she suddenly stopped in her movements and looked down at your 13 year old self.

"It was only awkward, because you told yourself the tension and the interaction was awkward." You were still confused.

"If you don't tell yourself when something is awkward, you won't feel so anxious or uncomfortable anymore." And then she continued back in her tracks.

you were only 13, so you still didn't understand what the hell she was talking about, and even now you didn't really understand. She'd worded it in a way were it sounded like she thought awkwardness was just an illusion of the human mind.

Sometimes your mother would be very smart with her words or explanations, and others it seemed like she just didn't care enough to hear you talk about how you felt, or she just wasn't sure how to explain something to you.

It was now that you realized that you still didn't respond, assuming that's what he was waiting for, there weren't any words that were forming out of your throat, and lunch was about to end anyways so you just stood to your feet.

"Lunch is about to end, maybe I'll see you tomorrow." You spoke quickly before exiting, he was watching you the entire time, of course.

--×♥︎×--

It was now Training of the next day, the children were lined up against the wall whilst they waited for their turn to use their powers on a ring a bulbs that was implanted in the floor infront of a metal chair.

It was currently 002's turn to attempt to light the glass bulbs, You walked up and placed the headset onto his buzzed scalp.

You felt your skin grow warm with how close in contact you were with him as a visous anger grew deeper in you for him. And for a split second, you were thinking of what it would've looked like if you killed him right then infront of everyone.

When you finished placing the wiring on his head you quickly walked away back in your spot at the corner of the room, clamping your hands behind yourself as usual.

You glanced over at Peter, and he was quick to look back over at you, but it wasn't like he darted his head over at you, it was slow and calm. Maybe that's what was off-putting about him that people didn't seem to like.

It was sort of assuring to see him be slow and calm, almost like he was tired, or maybe just burnt out, whether it was mentally or physically you didn't know, but it was sticking out to you.

He was good at masking how tense he was and how much he hated everyone here, as were you. Maybe he could see through you too and that's why he had spoken to you yesterday.

He seemed to take a liking in Eleven though, he was sitting next to her and talking to her a few days before she'd spoken to you, which is why you were curious as to whether if it were his doing or not.

Brenner had forced Eleven to go next by brainwashing her with a piece of fucking candy. A piece of candy she clearly could've cares less for, she was so obviously scared and uncomfortable. Her powers weren't as strong as the rest of her siblings.

Peter had went up and placed a headset on her stubble hair, unnecessarily fixing the front of her headset. He'd whispered something to her, why would he have done so right infront of everyone in the room? infront of Brenner? He was practically asking for the punishment room, but why would you care? it wasn't you who would be tortured later on.

It was her who had you do that stupid puzzle with her, you weren't the one who came up to her asking to solve a puzzle, she just up and decided randomly to ask you to solve one with her. after almost 2 weeks of her just eye-balling you.

--×♥︎×--

It was now a week later, and todays training was different from anything else they've done before, Peter's been interacting with Eleven more, and it's quite strange.

Regardless of all the rumors of how strange he is, this was one of things you did find weird, why has he started randomly started interacting with her? What was he telling her?

Brenner proceeded to draw 2 circles with white chalk onto the lominum floor as he spoke.

"For today's lesson, we are going to play a game." His voice was mutated to sound kind with a plastic smile on his face. It was a relief that these children didn't understand how powerful and cruel he truly was, but it was also so fucked in the head that he would do this to any of them and act like some big teddy bear and like this was okay.

It wasn't, obviously. But it just pissed you off so much, and it only made things worse when you'd remind yourself there was nothing you could do about it. It started to feel like every passing day it felt more and more like you were living in an insane asylum.

You used to think about escaping from time to time, but now you full on fucking fantazied it. you truly were starting to go insane, who wouldn't though.

002 was beating all of his opponents, and then it was Elevens turn, and when Peter finished tying on her blindfold, he wasn't very quiet to whisper "Good Luck" in her ear.

This started to seem tedious to you, what the fuck is he telling her? what if he's attempting to brainwash her just like Brenner? Though you told yourself multiple times you could've given less of a shit about these kids, there was a part of you that felt protective over Eleven.

Almost maybe like a motherly kind of protection? Though it wouldn't matter, there's nothing you can protect her from because both of you live in danger. She just isn't aware of it.

To your suprise, Eleven beat 2, she had slammed his body against the mirror behind him, leaving it cracked, he was shaking and looked at her with fear But he'd get his revenge soon, and you were sure of it, whether or not he'd be successful in getting away with it was yet a mystery. Because he's gotten away with it before, you've seen it yourself.

You could still remember it like it were yesterday, when you had to monitor the cameras.

"You're weak, and useless. You don't deserve to have the place as papa's favorite.." His voice was hushed and filled with rage.

"I-im sorry.." Eleven was so young at the time, her lip was trembling and tears were forming in her waterline.

"I'm gonna hurt you, for having what I dont.."

"please d-don-" But before she could even beg him further to spare her, she was already being pushed around the room, into tables and on the floor.

And then they left her there, crying.

Why they were all in there? was never answered, but she shouldn't have been in there by herself with 002 in the same building as her.

But the small amount of guilt you felt for her on that day still lingers. 002 stumbled to his feet and sat with the other children.

"It looks like we have a new winner." Brenner spoke, Eleven seemed shocked and nervous at the same time, but at this point it seemed like nervous was just a normal feeling and vibe to get from her.

--×♥︎×--

You were back inside the breakroom now. Holding a bottle of water you most likely weren't going to drink. And Peter entered the room too, but this time was different.

"Miss L/n, may I speak to you, alone?" His tone sounded pleadful and curious.

"We are alone." You answered firmly, but he didn't respond he just continued to stare at you, and then that's when you glared at the camera in the corner of the room and sighed to yourself.

Standing to your feet and walking over to him, you didn't trust him or his motives regardless of seeing his feelings. it was how everyone felt about this place.

He took you inside of a small broom closet that seemed like it was never entered anymore, he closed the door behind himself and you just stood there.

He faced you and smiled lightly at you, but you were careful go examine him.

Your grandmother always told you to keep your head up and seem serious, men would take you seriously, especially if you'd show you didn't have a care for them.

And throughout your life, it mostly worked, but Peter was already here when you came here 2 years ago, so he probably would be smarter than that.

"How would you like to escape with Eleven and i?" His tone was excited but quiet.

"What?" You were in pure shock and weren't even sure if you heard him correctly, but you did your best to keep a straight face.

"I've been speaking with Eleven"

"I've noticed that." You kept your voice ferm and serious, you didn't want to agree with him, maybe if you kept this conversation with him, you'd be able to seek through his true intentions.

"And I've told her about how she deserves to escape this horrible place."

"Are you fucking insane?" You blurted out, you didn't mean too, it was just the first thing that came to mind.

Was he fucking insane? what the hell was he doing tell an 8 year old to escape the place she's lived in and only knows as good? what else has he told her?

He completely disregarded the question, which was appreciated on your end.

"I've got a plan set out for her and I, and I know you hate it here, Y/n."

"You don't know shit." So maybe he could see through you too, but this couldve still be a trap regardless, a trap to get you into trouble or become his little minion and do whatever he wants you too.

"Don't I? I've seen the way you've glared at Brenner and 002."

"You look at them the same way, It's not just them either, don't think I didn't know you couldn't keep your eyes off me either Ballard." You felt someone outraged that he would just randomly propose this to you, he didn't even know you. Maybe he didn't have too, though.

"The same goes for you, are you going to join us, or no." His voice sounded serious now, and after a few moments of just staring at him, you could sense this man was infact serious.

"..When is this happening exactly?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" You looked at him like he had actually lost his mind, and maybe he did, but whats so wrong with that?

It's not like you had your sanity in tact with you anymore either, so if he's crazy then you can be crazy together surely.

"Are you joining us, yes. or no?"

"..Yes."

Part of you was mentally cursing yourself out for agreeing, you still didn't trust him, fuck no. But at least you just got a free get out of jail ticket so.

--×♥︎×--

You felt anxious in the rainbow room, Peter was nowhere to be seen all day, and you felt hazy, your vision felt blurry and eyes sore, but from crying.

Your breathing was shaking and so where your hands, you hadn't gotten anxiety since your freshmen year of collage.

You remembered the uncontrollable fear that was tensing throughout your veins, you used to get that same feeling when Brenner would have his gaurds shock you until he felt as though you'd had enough.

When you were barely breathing and laying on the floor like an injured kitten inside of a box that no one cared for.

Eleven was at a coloring station, she checked the clock and then stood to her feet, making her way towards an orderly and leaving with him.

You soon exited the room aswell, going down into the basement where Peter had instructed you to meet him.

'I'm going to be free, I'm going to be free. I want to get revenge, I want my revenge. I want Brenner to feel the pain he caused me.' Your mind raced as you walked down those steps and soon saw Peter waiting for you.

'I want him dead.'

"Hey." You spoke, walking up to him

"Hello, Eleven will be here soon." You didn't respond after that, instead just leaned against the wall next to him, picking at your fingers.

Soon Elevens small body was heading down the stairs, you stood up straight as she looked for the both of you, bumping into Peter.

"Shh, follow me." And then the both of you were following after him as he took the both of you over to a small drain, atleast, that's what it had looked like anyways.

He was able to convince the small girl to escape through the pipes, explaining how they worked.

"They lead out into the woods, when you get out of here you need to run, do you understand me?" She seemed extremely scared and shook her head no.

"What about you.. and Miss L/n?" Her voice was shakey, like she didn't want to leave him, gosh what kind of things did they have going on? what was he telling her before?

"Well be following you shortly after you escape, I promise. we promise."

Eleven looked over at you to confirm his promise, and you simply nodded your head, and she was quick to squeeze herself into that tunnel.

The both of you rose to your normal height, and he smiled at you.

"How are we getting out of here now?" You asked him. there was boredom in your voice, but that was just natural now, when in reality your anxiety was bolting throughout you.

"I'll show you, it'll be fun." He smirked and grabbed your hand, running out of the basement with you, and once you two exited, the alarms were already blarring, they must've discovered that Eleven was gone by now.

Everything was happening so quickly your brain didn't have much time to process what was going on, but the next thing you knew, Peter was slaughtering everyone in sight.

There was blood splattered all over the walls and floors, this answered your question.

"Are you fucking insane?"

Yes. this is his way of saying yes, Part of you felt absolutely terrified of him and wanted to run away, but there was another, stronger half of you that felt raged and viewed this as the both of you getting your revenge.

You didn't freak out, or runaway, or feel scared of him, because he let you do the honors of killing 002, and you made sure it was agonizingly slow and painful.

And then off you two went, escaping, running as fast as possible, feeling relief, and free. Feeling a smile that was stretched on your lips as you ran, feeling the wind all around your bodies and fresh air in your nostrils.

You were finally free at last.

#peter ballard #peter ballard x reader #peter ballard x you #peter ballard fluff #henry creel fanfiction #henry creel x y/n #henry creel x reader #henry creel #001 fluff #001 x reader #stranger things 001 #001 #jcb roles #angstish #peter ballard angst #angst with a happy ending #beginner writer

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southernmermaidsgrotto · 2 years

Text

A beginner guide to tea blending 🌿

⚠️This is meant to be a simple guide based on my own research and experience, by all means, educate yourself further and double check everything before proceeding!⚠️

First, define your intention or goal for this blend: what medicinal properties do you want to extract from these plants? You should know the medicinal value and effects of each plant separately before trying them out together and finding out how they interact with each other. Similarly, taste all the herbs separately before putting them together to get a better tasting blend. You’ll have to find a good balance between:

the right dosage of each herb to get their medicinal value,

the taste of said herbs to your liking,

the right dosage to avoid any possible side effects.

The herbs that cause the main desired effect should take up to 70% of the blend.

One type of effect can be based on which system you want to work in (if the herbs all have similar positive effects on immune, circulatory, digestive, or other systems, like for example calming nerves or easing digestion). The other would be a nourishing effect (if the effects on each system cancel each other and thus you’re only taking in the nutrients, like minerals and vitamins, of the herb). The first kind would all have herbs that work together towards a common goal, the second would have effects that counteract each other so you only absorb their nutrients.

Then you’ll have supporting herbs, up to your 20%, that either boost the good medicine, and/or relief possible side effects of the main herbs.

Depending on the effects each plant has on your body, you’ll want them to boost each other or counteract each other. Also take into account if it’s an overall cooling or warming effect, boosting or slowing down metabolism, if it dries or moistens the tissues with minerals and fluids, and whether it’s relaxing or constricting/toning in tissues aswell.

Last should be possible catalysts. These are optional, but recommended. That would be up to 10% of stimulant herbs that boost metabolism or enhance the overall effects of the others, to really get all the good stuff into your body.

Some good examples of catalysts are ginger root, cayenne or licorice root, but be careful with licorice as it can be toxic in high amounts!

To give you an example of how I’d put everything into practice: if my goal is to make a tea blend that’s toning, rich in minerals and vitamins and strengthens the immune system, I’d use 5 parts stinging nettle, 2 parts lemon balm (for the main effects), 2 parts thyme (supporting), and 1 part ginger root (catalyst), then sweeten to taste. Parts can be grams, teaspoons, or smaller measures, depending on how much blend you want to prepare. If you’re going to try this blend, do this exercise: research each plant, it’s medicinal value and side effects, and you’ll find out why I put them together!

Also, I personally love the taste of stinging nettle, yet someone else may prefer to use 5 parts of lemon balm and 2 parts of stinging nettle instead and get a slightly different result, more soothing to the nervous system, try it for yourself and always check for the effects and right dosages. I normally measure each part as grams, and this formula gives me around 2-3 liters of infusion, depending on how strong you make it. That is, using dry herbs, if you’re using fresh plant material you’ll need more grams. Normally 1 teaspoon of dry herb equals 1 tablespoon of fresh herb, or 1 part dried equals 3 parts fresh, but there may be slight differences between each plant depending on how much water it contains.

Finally, write everything down! The formula, how it worked for you and what it tastes like.

Thanks for reading ♡

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anaveragebibliophile · 2 years

Text

All Smiles (Carlisle Cullen x OC)

You’d think that that part would’ve been easy. You’d think that the minute he heard of the vision he’d have run. You’d think that that insatiable desire to fight for his family would’ve sparked a fire within him to leave and allow Rosalie and Emmett to take the reins.

No. Not by a long shot.

Instead, here we were two hours later. Still on the couch. Still nowhere closer to getting him to see reason.

“I can’t just leave you, El,” my husband said. “You’re still ill, and you’re not getting any better. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened while I was away.”

Placing a hand on my growing belly, I gave him my most disapproving look. Once his eyes caught mine, he immediately looked away, chagrined.

Clearing my throat, I began. My voice was even hoarser than in days past (if that was even possible at this point).

“Honey, let’s be realistic here. You staying here isn’t going to increase the probability of a timely recovery any more than you leaving. What’s more, this little guy enjoys the pampering I’m getting. He’s not going to want to end this anytime soon.”

As a phoenix, a resurrector of the dead and believer in the goodness that the life of all beings brings, I’m capable of connecting with any being, those that are living, dead, or on the periphery. In this case, our son, the little dude in my belly, would be considered as a being on the periphery. He’s alive but not co-existing with us in the land of the living just yet. However, despite that, I have been able to establish a connection with him that allows me to determine who he is, who he’s going to grow up to be, and what he’s capable of.

With respect to what he’s capable of, manipulating situations is a big one. And while it might seem like this is a malicious act on his part, the truth is that he has good, kind intentions. Out of his love for me, he wants his father to continue to shower me with his love and compassion. He wants his father to remain dedicated to his mother. Ultimately, this allows our child to understand Carlisle better. It goes without saying that their bond has strengthened over the last few months. At this point, my husband can barely keep away from the both of us.

So, how did our little guy manipulate the situation this time? Well, it would seem that he compromised my immune system somehow, leaving me with one of the worst flu strains I’ve had in years. And the best part is that he’s the only one that can decide when it will end. Not Carlisle. Not me. Not medical science. Just him. And considering the fact that his father has been within close proximity around the clock, I wouldn’t count on any reversal anytime soon.

“That doesn’t mean you should be without medical assistance. Rosalie and Emmett, albeit resourceful, aren’t doctors,” Carlisle retorted, his hand moving towards my bump, waiting for his son to kick him hello.

Soon enough, it happened. We both grinned down at the beautiful creature just waiting to make his appearance. Only a few more weeks to go.

Looking down, I responded. “I know they’re not doctors, sweetheart. I just think that we shouldn’t take any chances where Bella’s concerned. She’s still human. And she has a family. What if that were him?”

“I understand what you mean. She will be our daughter-in-law sooner than later.”

“Much sooner than you think.”

Alice isn’t the only one that had visions in this coven. I do too. The only difference is that mine are pretty inconsistent. I’m always given myriad possibilities and unable to determine which is the correct one. Yet, we had all agreed that any vision would be taken seriously because it’s validity depends on the choices one decides to make. In this case, we don’t know if Bella’s decisions are going to force her into a potentially harmful confrontation with Jane in Volterra or not. Only time will tell.

But that was why Alice and I wanted Carlisle to be out there with Bella and Edward. Just in case.

That yearning doesn’t seem to be getting us anywhere though.

“Please, darling,” I said. “Do it for me. I’m telling you that I feel well enough to have Rosalie and Emmett watch over me. If I didn’t, I would’ve demanded that you stay.”

It was so obvious that he was torn. His gaze turned away from mine and down to our son once again, his brows pinching in both frustration and agony. “I know, darling, I know. It just doesn’t sit well with me. As a husband and a father, it’s my duty to be present and attentive to your needs as well as his. I feel like I’m doing you both a disservice by traveling to Italy when there’s been no indication that she’s been harmed.”

“If it’s any consolation, I still believe she’s at risk. I just have this gut feeling.”

Mulling that over for a few moments, my husband sighed in resignation. “Then it’s settled. I’ll go. Let me go speak to Rosalie and Emmett.”

At that response, I leaned forward from my spot in front of, let’s just say, a ton of support pillows, completely preventing Carlisle from moving away from me.

Cupping his cheek, I smiled at him. “You’re such a good man, Carlisle Cullen. I hope you know that.”

His hand reached up to his cheek to grasp mine, leaving all the unspoken words to be heard and appreciated with just that one touch.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Now, remember that her nightly dose of Amoxicillin must be given at eight o’clock if she wants to be eligible to take it early tomorrow morning. And as far as comfort levels go, she’ll want her pregnancy pillow that’s laying on our bed upstairs, the heating pad for her lower back–which is in my office–, and some tea as well. Earl Grey, to be specific, which can be found—”

“Carlisle, it’s okay, we’ve got it,” Rosalie said, sitting down next to me. “Eloise will be in excellent hands, so you don’t need to worry so much. We’ve read your notes three times over and will consult them if need be. Plus, she’ll have her phone on her, I’m sure, so you can contact her whenever you please.”

“Rose’s right, Carlisle,” Emmett interjected. “We promise to be extra vigilant and prudent. We understand how important they both are. We love them too. But it will all work itself out. It doesn’t look like she’s going anywhere anyhow.”

All her husband could do was nod, watching as I shrugged and blew my nose. The look of agony on his face was all I needed to know that this separation was going to destroy him. But it needed to be done, for the sake of our family and our sanity.

“Thank you. Thank you both.”

Dropping his carry-on, the only bag he was bringing, my husband came to kneel beside me on the couch. Kneading his fingers through my hair, he pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead, savoring the last few moments we would have together for a few days.

Him and me both.

“I’ll see you soon, okay? Call me if you need me.”

“Will do, sweetheart. Now, go be amazing. I’ll be here, keeping our little one safe,” I said, watching as our son wanted to get in on the action.

Kissing my forehead one last time and then my lips, he moved to place a long, loving kiss on my belly.

“I love you both. I’ll see you soon.” he said, all smiles.

#carlisle cullen #carlisle x reader #twilight #newmoon #eclipse #breaking dawn #jacob black #alice cullen #Bella Swan #edward cullen #emmett cullen #jasper hale #the volturi #volturi #twilight carlisle #vampires

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balkanradfem · 2 years

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How to learn about plants and herbalism?

If you're trying to get into foraging, recognizing wild plants, herbalism, or even just want to know more about the nature and the plants that are growing around you, it can be hard to know where to begin. The information that is out there, and the number of plants are overwhelming. If you get your hands on any book about natural medicine, herbalism, wild plants or foraging, you'll easily find 200+ illustrated or photographed plants, most of which you've never seen or are able to recognize, with detailed descriptions of how you're allowed to use this plant and which parts are dangerous. You cannot possibly pick out which one of these is the most useful to you, which ones you can easily find and recognize, and which ones are too dangerous for a beginner, and better to keep away from.

So, how do you start? You start with what you know.

There are plants most of us know and recognize. Even if you've lived in a city, there are wild plants you can most likely recognize. You would know a dandelion if you saw one. You know what nettle looks like. You know daisies, clover, maybe even violets. If you're into cooking, you might know what mint and basil look like. You surely know what garlic is!

I've listed some very common plants, and yet knowing just a little more about these, can bring a great benefit to your life. Dandelions greens have such huge amounts of vitamin C they can compare with oranges with how well they can benefit your immune system. They're also rich in calcium, to the point of being able to act as supplement, if consumed consistently. Daisies are edible, medicinal, and clovers are too, but their flowers are dangerous in big amounts. Violets are very safe, and teas made from the leaves can act against colds, fevers, inflammation. Nettle can strengthen your blood, replenish most of the minerals you need, and be made into tea, infusion, or a meal. Mint and basil can be used medicinally, in a tea.

If you know some other plants, that you can already easily recognize, pick up, and bring home, look up what they do and what their uses are. You might find out that you already have enough knowledge to start benefiting from it right away, without learning to recognize every single plant that is out there! I've spent years using only dandelions, nettle, yarrow, basil and mint as my herbal remedies, and it has taught me just how valuable this knowledge can be.

Once you've gathered the knowledge and uses for the plants that you already know, see if you consistently enjoy using those plants. If this brings you joy, if it's something you're consistently taking advantage of, and incorporating in your life, then gathering more knowledge and learning more will not seem so overwhelming, because you will know, that even just knowing 5 plants, is crazy beneficial. And you'll know that you don't need to learn every single plant, recognize every plant that has ever grown, and you don't need to memorize lexicons or encyclopedias. You can only learn as much as you can incorporate in your life, your diet, your resource system. So it's going to be slow.

So now you've decided, okay, I've now benefited a lot from knowing just the uses of 5 plants, now I want to know more. Where do I start? And the answer is – start with whatever you can find close by, that peaks your interest.

Know that most plants are edible and medicinal. When you're out there, if you pick up a plant, 9 times out of 10, you've picked something you can use or eat. There are many more edible and useful plants than poisonous – and most of the poisonous ones will not kill you either, there are in fact, 2% of wild plants that would have the ability to end your life, most of other toxic ones will merely make you sick, pained, or vomiting. You still don't want to risk it, and the best way to learn about new plants would be to have a mentor, who already knows to warn you of what not to even touch (some plants can make your skin sensitive to the sun, and cause burns!).

If you're like me, and don't have anyone to ask questions, you do extensive, extensive research before consuming anything. There was exactly one time I felt brave to consume a plant I didn't properly vet, and that's the time I got poisoned (it was hilarious but I wouldn't recommend it).

The way I learned to recognize wild plants, was to download big, detailed photographs of medicinal or edible plant that grew in my country, and I would mark every picture with the name of the plant, then browse thru the pictures, every time I got out to forage. I was hoping to recognize anything, really, I didn't know what I was looking for out there, just that I wanted more knowledge, to possibly know everything. This way, when I would go out, I would try to see if any of the plants would match up to anything I've seen in the pictures. Sometimes, I'd get a hit! Then I would excitedly take this plant home, and compare it to the images, and then research and extensively compare it, and not just the flower or leaf! You have to count the flower petals. You count the leaves and see if their formation is correct. You have to check the shape and the size of leaves. You check the scent, the liquid inside of the stem. You check the firmness of the stem. If the height of the plant matches up. If it's growing in the right season. If the flowers are smelling correctly. You check how it looks at various stages in the development. Then you research if there's a poisonous double, just in case. Then how to use it. You look up multiple sources. You post it on a wild plants facebook group where experienced people can confirm if it's that plant. Then, if it's safe, you use a small, tiny amount, and wait for 24 hours to see if you feel okay. Then you're good.

It's considerably easier to do this in the early spring, because there's not that many plants! If you're learning just early spring plants, you can learn to recognize 6-9 plants and know all the plants that are currently out there, because there's just not that much, and you can walk the ground and think 'there is not a single plant I cannot name in here' and be super smug about this (this was my experience. things change in the summer when 300+ plants appear and you're just standing there like. i know 6 of you.)

At this point, I know which plants are most common, grow thru the entire year, and will be easy to recognize without accidentally getting poisoned: Yarrow, Nettle, Chickweed, Cleavers, Blackberry, Plantain, Borage, Wild Chives, Bear's Garlic, Garlic Mustard, Sorrel, Wood Sorrel, Rosehip, Elderberry, Linden. These plants have shown themselves to be useful and beneficial to me, so I warmly recommend them, as something to look up if you're trying to learn in the early spring.

Some of these might be useful to you, some might not! I will now vet plants by first reading what they're used for, then deciding if I need this in my life, currently. If the plant is healing, let's say, anxiety, I'll be right on that, I can always use more calming plants. If it's for curing cardiovascular diseases, I decide, nah, I'm not needing this in my life right now, will look it up again if and when the need arises.

One of the things you HAVE to be careful of, is over-exaggerated claims. There are marketing tools out there, trying to convince you to get a hold of one specific plant or another, and they will tell you that this plant is basically, magic. That it cures 90% of all diseases, that it will make all of your ailments go away, and it's natural so of course, no side-effects, it will cure cancer and all that; please avoid any resources that talk this way about plants. There is no "one-cures-all" with natural remedies. There is nothing that has zero side-effects, if over used. Medicinal plants usually do help with multiple ailments at once, but there are specific things they can do to your body, and you should know what these things are, before consuming them. They're not all-powerful, and they're not going to completely remove an illness after several uses, you need to use them consistently, and not over-use them, if you're trying to use them to ease some kind of symptom. You can use them to put minor aches at ease, you can often lessen your symptoms, or prevent an issue from coming up, you can nourish yourself with them as food and nutrients, you can boost your energy levels, prevent headaches and calm anxiety, but they often will not work as effectively as medicine, for serious cases, unless you're educated to the point where you can create actual, real medicine out of them. And some people can! If you're at the beginner level, you can't. And, some plants can and interact with medicine, so if you are on medication, you have to check if the plant could interfere with it.

Herbal medicine will have the most beneficial effect for you if you know exactly what it's for, and when to use it. For example, as a kid, I would often take home Yarrow, because Yarrow just looked magical to me and I knew in my heart it had to be a medicinal herb. I would make tea, and it had absolutely no effect on me whatsoever; I didn't know what it does. But, I got used to the taste and learned to enjoy it, so that when later in life I found out it decreases menstrual pains, it was a big relief to have a remedy that I already have, and like. You can randomly drink herbal teas and infusions, and if you're not having any symptoms they are supposed to help with, they likely won't make any changes. But drinking them in key moments, for example, making basil tea when you have a headache? That can be a significant in making your life easier.

#herbalism #wild plants #foraging #learning about wild plants #wild edible plants #herbal remedies #medicinal plants #plant resources #learning herbalism #learning herbology

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transsexual-dandelions · 6 months

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hey!! im gonna humor you (but also im just really interested), how’s your capstone? it sounds compelling:>

i think its SO cool and interesting but I may be biased i've spent the last like,, six months on this researching and planning and im starting statistical analysis next week (planning to do a t test several times over, if I have to do ANOVA i'll cry. I could settle for pearson correlation coefficient theyre not terrible)

(can you tell im a STEM guy through and through)

short version: i'm studying how often a pair of jeans should be washed based on accumulation of bacteria over a period of time, the project itself was conducted through seven consecutive days, being worn for a minimum of three hours a day, however I do believe this information could transfer over to "wears" instead, so instead of three consecutive days you could wear them three times over maybe two weeks and get similar results (in theory, this is inference made based on my decent amount of research)

longer version:

the whole reason clothes need to be washed beyond removing stains is because of odor. how does that odor get there? bacteria, baby! there is a large amount of bacteria residing on your skin (which is wonderful for your immune system, first line of defense!). The amount, types, and variety/biodiversity of bacteria is determined by many factors, including but not limited to pH, temperature, and moisture. how do these bacteria survive on your skin? sweat! sweat is inherently neutral and has no odor, it gains an odor as a byproduct of bacteria metabolizing it.

this odor is transferred over to clothes through the sweat, it wics into the textile and attaches to the fibers, bringing the bacteria along with it, they will just exist together for the most part, creating a malodor but nothing intense for now, the real fun part happens when the sweat dries. as the sweat dries, the solutes and compounds that the bacteria metabolize are severely concentrated, so the bacteria can access more of it quicker, giving it much more energy than it previously had access to, allowing irreversible adhesion to take place, which when built up can cause a lingering malodor, discoloration, loss of textile strength (thinning) not related to natural wear and tear,

the material a textile is made of will impact how sweat, sebum, and bacteria interact. most clothes are made with any combination of these three things: cotton, polyester, and spandex/elastane, each with different properties and attributes causing. ive read some journals/studies suggesting spandex to have a degree of antimicrobial properties, and for denim/100% cotton to have a degree of antifungal properties

cotton and polyester differ in many ways due to being natural vs synthetic, with one being hydrophilic and the other hydrophobic, different hygroscopicity, and general structure, as well as preparation for textile making. this results in different sebum distributions as it dries, polyester causing a uniform distribution with no respect for being face up/face down, while with cotton it dries into spherical droplets, face down, which could lead to implications and suggestions with and about bacterial behavior and odor formation (different bacteria cause different odors!)

the dyes used for clothes can also impact bacteria, it can accelerate or decrease bacterial growth/quantity/malodor, for example black jeans will gain a unique malodor that blue jeans may have. different dyes and dying processes can impact the integrity of the textile to begin with, such as stonewashing or acid wash which compromise the health of it, and traditional/classic indigo dye will strengthen/better it, with its natural antimicrobial properties. ultimately, different dyes will also have chemical properties that will affect how bacteria, sweat, and sebum interact and absorb (adsorb?)

jeans can have a different washing rate than say, t shirts, for a few reasons

one, denim is in reference to how the fibers are weaved to form the textile itself, a different structure means sweat and sebum (oil from your skin) will interact differently two, where and how you sweat! sure you sweat everywhere for the most part, but it accumulates and acts differently in some places compared to others, the most prominent sweating is at the armpits so it has all these processes happening quickly creating a greater need, compared to your legs where it may not be happening as quickly, if at all

so with all that background knowledge, what did I actually test?

I had a person wear the same pair of jeans for seven days, minimum of three hours a day, medium wash, indigo dye, 100% cotton. i took samples on day 0, 1, 2, 6, and 7. I could not get data for days 3-5 due to reasons out of my control, but it ultimately may not matter because there was no seemingly visible difference in amount of bacteria compared to day zero and one until day seven! at day seven it was intense, easily reaching fifty colonies per plate (two sections per day, each section gets played five times), compared to the one to ten colonies, <= 2mm on the first few days,

i predict that my statistical analysis will not show a significant difference (probably p value <0.05) until day seven, but i may be entirely wrong either way, i think its going to be very interesting!

in theory it would have applications in determining optimal washing frequency, based on a variety of factors (significant physical activity or sweating would decrease amount of time between washes) to create the longest possible lifespan of the jeans, especially with the effects of fast fashion and planned obsolescence

washing too frequently can also negatively impact the lifespan of a textile and make it degrade much quicker, and not washing it frequently enough will cause bio deterioration

I would love to do this project again another time, perhaps with more people, or exploring other %make ups, brands, and dyes/colors

#apollo answers #capstone #i love science i love math #thank u for the ask #i never get to talk about science with a few rare exceptions #i hope this was coherent theres like several base facts that need to be established that have no relation until later which makes figuring #out a natural flow order for a linear essay like this difficult #for my poster i might do a flow chart instead of a bulleted list of facts #id love to answer any questions btw !! this is my pride and joy ive been doing this since like. october.

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moonjxsung · 8 months

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Hi pookkiieee<33,

I'm so sorry you're feeling like shit, covid is not a joke i really hope you get better soon, remeber the holy trinity, lemon, honey and ginger ( and maybe some painkillers hihi). I also have been kinda mia lately since i'm visiting my grammy , i sometimes hate how much catching up i have to do with our fellow fandom and other creators when i've only been gone like 4 days but i love the community so much and i'm glad i have a little window to check up on you. Skz have been awfully quiet latetly and that makes me very suspicioussss jsjsjs, anyday now the tickets will pop up and i am super scared. Anyways my beautiful, lovely and gorgeous star, please do get better, sending you a BIIIIG HUG ( channie style). love you pookie<33

HI BEAUTIFUL how did visiting your grammy go?? I hope it went well!!!

I’m finally getting over covid and it was AWFULLLL but I’m still doing my best to drink lots of tea and take care of myself so that I don’t get sick again! I’m starting a long list of supplements because I am severely lacking in so many vitamins and minerals so hopefully my immune system gets strengthened 💪🤧

skz have been VERY quiet…. BUT did you see the billboards pop up in London??? London stays I hope yall are saving your money those tickets are going to be announced any DAY NOWWWW 🫶😧 I’m in the states so I still have a little bit more time but I’m panicking in advance for how ticketing is going to be its fr gonna be a BLOODBATH 😭😭

I hope you’re doing AMAZING my angel, please take care of yourself for me and know that I’m sending you alllll my love right back !! I love you so much pookie xoxoxo 🩷💓🫶⭐️👼

#ask

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babychoko · 2 years

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🌺𝔸 𝕤𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥🌺

Part 13

In the last few days I have been feeling much better. I walk more often for fresh air and take medicine as well as juices to strengthen my immune system. Salty food helped me a lot. Although it was also important to drink enough fluids. And I'm talking water here, not juice with fizz.

I left the pharmacy with a small bag because I had no more room in my backpack.

Sure, it didn't do any good for the environment. But what else is harmful to the environment? What I just got from a prescription from my doctor was not necessarily worthy of bragging about in public. Otherwise I would have held the small package normally in my hand. Not to brag about it, of course.

After all, one less thing to worry about.

I looked at the clock first and realized Venti would be out of the library soon. Today I was going to pick him up and stand by. His graduation is coming up very soon and he really had his hands full. He may find the subjects easy to fall into, which may be one less problem, but it didn't mean he shouldn't type anything at all. And it's not little that he has to do.

I walked up the small stairs to the library and mistakenly pushed the glass door outward, even though it said it opened inward.

There can be signs all over the place.

Will I still push a glass door the wrong way? The answer is yes. Not proud, but not annoyed, I entered the library. Surprisingly, only a few busy students lurked in the hall. It was also quiet as usual. Only rarely was it very noisy here. Be that as it may, it didn't take me long to find Venti choosing a seat in front of the window. The view of a few people spending their usual activity outdoors apparently gave him some inspiration. And actually, I wanted to surprise him from behind by covering his eyes with my hands.

This was usually what he always does with me, should he have seen me and I didn't notice him. At the very beginning, when we didn't know each other long at all, it scared me.

But as it seemed, he turned to me with a smile even before that. That, although I was quiet as a mouse and paid attention to my step volume. I wondered how he always did that. Then it occurred to me that he must be able to detect it because of his abilities. I don't know how and I'm still slightly confused about it...but surely he can. We didn't really talk about that subject. I'm sure it came up because he rarely uses his abilities and when he does, he complains about fatigue. I was already curious, but I never asked him to show me some of the things he has in store.

"Did you come to give me strength?" Venti looked energized again. "From the looks of it, I already have..." I stated and sat down with him. My eyes fell on his laptop screen. He'd already accomplished quite a bit, I could tell. "That's right. But honestly, it's all getting to me." Venti leaned his head on the table and sighed. "Can you put me out of this misery?"

"Short and sweet? That's going to be difficult."

"No, that's not what I meant...maybe someday. I meant something gentler, though." I put a hand on his shoulder for comfort. "Like what?" Maybe I am capable of helping him at this moment after all. Otherwise, he cheered me up much more often.

He just turned his head so I couldn't see his face and muttered.

"Now out with it."

"I need to... get rid of pent up thoughts." Uh... and in what way? Wait-what thoughts?!

"So what? What do you need for that?" Maybe I can muster that certain something from somewhere after all. I'll do what I can.

Venti looked to me. "There is a way for stressed people."

"Yeah, and what's that?"

He let his face show again, which looked smug, and placed two fingers on his lips, which he pulled back into the air. "See? Hand over a few already."

"Venti, I'm not carrying cigarettes with me. Besides, cut the nonsense."

"But how then? I need to blow off steam... it's all getting too much for me. And forbid, I'm in total withdrawal!"

He means wine, right? Right... that's what I think. What else could it be?

"How long has it been..you've actually been sticking to it?" He nodded in response to my question. "More or less..definitely so much that I'm in withdrawal. And yet, the infusion therapy wasn't a success." He sighed again and hid his face. At that moment, I really felt sorry for him. I know the feeling when you try very hard and still the results are not satisfactory. And Venti looked really miserable right now.

I scrolled through his work a bit and was not surprised how much passion he has for music. Also, his grammar as well as spelling was perfect as expected. However, the last few lines really slacked off and at some point you realize he completely gave up when not even a sentence was finished. Poor guy. Rarely do you see this sight.

He deserves a reward, of course. "Listen Venti, you don't have to torture yourself like this. You're trying very hard and you've kept at it for a long time..." He was already looking at me with slight hope. He's just waiting for that one sentence. I swear... even his eyes were already sparkling. And why does the sun suddenly start to give him light as if he were a saint?!

"I'm not your boss, and ironically I say that, but you should sit back now with-"

"With a couple of glasses?!"

"Yeah, just that."

He flipped his laptop closed, but of course after saving his work. "Then it's decided. Today we blow off steam!" I didn't see him cheer up that quickly.

"Tonight, okay?"

"Okay...I'll go with you." Not that he's drunk talking to a garbage can. I experienced that once with a tree and it looked really sad. He even thought a tree was more attractive than me. "Thank you, I'm glad. Come, let me give you a hug." No sooner said than done. "And I'm not hugging you because of tonight... just because I missed this, yeah?" Whispered Venti to me.

If he missed this badly...

I ended up putting my arms around him. "Mhm..me too. Honestly, I've been feeling empty lately." I confessed slightly embarrassed.

"Hoo..empty you say?" Venti leaned back a bit to the back of the chair. "Empty..I see."

I looked to the side a bit as Venti gently put his hands on my shoulder and pulled me to him. "Yeah...if I can put it that way-m..."

He hushed me with his lips, licked once over it briefly with the tip of his tongue, and now gently bit my lower lip with it. It made my whole body tingle.

"Mwah~, all better, right?"

I was speechless and hoped no one was walking by. Honestly, I couldn't get a word out. It was just unexpected...

Venti formed a V sign with his thumb and pointer finger under his chin and winked at me with a smile. "Heheh... I'll give you more later if you like!"

When I spoke of emptiness, I didn't think of that, but...it surprisingly helped. "Uhh..fine with me..?

We had some things to do, so we won't meet at a bar until later.

I didn't know if that was a serious question. With him, it was always unclear whether he meant such things ironically. Believe us or not, Venti and I actually kiss very rarely. And when we do, it's only a fleeting kiss. Nothing longer, nothing naughty....

I briefly looked at the cloudless sky.

All right, once it had not exactly been innocent between us. But more was and came also nothing. His ways of love are rather totally harmless.

Then I thought of a question, whether Venti had had a relationship before me? Until now he has not mentioned or hinted at anything. I have also never asked about an ex. Actually, you don't talk about your ex either. After all, he is a bit older than me, has experienced a lot in contrast to me, many people find him likeable and he doesn't seem to be unpopular either. In terms of relationships, he is a total sweetheart....

Wait, didn't he once tell me about the most beautiful poem he had ever read? As far as I can remember, it was from a girl who was too shy to let him read it.

So there is a very high probability that Venti already had his first love.

I continued my walk, feeling a slight and uncomfortable tug in my chest.

And what if? It shouldn't bother me. After all, he has his own life and I have mine....

I guess I'm worrying unnecessarily again. It's the time here and now that counts, and unlike before, I'm no longer completely miserable.

And even though I told myself that, I was lying to myself.

Towards evening, I was finally free and searched my not-quite-full closet. It's not so cold anymore, so could I wear something light? I picked out a blouse and a long skirt until I realized that what I had in my hands didn't look stylish at all. Venti always has nice clothes.

I often had to listen to people saying that I dressed like a granny. I shook my head and looked deeper into the baskets of my closet.

There was a skirt that I ordered once, but it looked way too short..there it is!

Oh. It's actually short in contrast to what length I usually wear. Hesitantly, I looked at the piece.

Yup, definitely going with tights. I mean I might catch a cold or something haha. That's right, I don't want to catch a cold. I definitely don't wear the skirt because I'm embarrassed or too shy!

Okay...as a top, I could wear a fancy sweater..would this one be okay? I couldn't make that decision until I had the whole outfit on. So here goes.

I put on the tights..no, no...

They're see-through! I took them off again.

I sighed and grabbed a razor from the drawer. Actually, Venti wasn't interested in how a body looked at all. He's more the natural type though... I don't even possess that much self-confidence.

Uh, quick change of plans or commercial break. Whatever you call it.

After leaving the bathroom with silky smooth legs, I now put on the clothes.

As I said, I didn't have any self-confidence at all. It looked all right... but on me? I bent down slightly to test that one did not see under my skirt. Honestly, I don't want to put on a show and just wanted to make sure.

After a while, I walked out of the apartment when I was done. Did I want to make sure so badly today that I didn't look like a granny? I honestly wondered since when I started worrying so much. Just for this one special evening then. After all, it was all about not holding back. And that only went for drinks, nothing else.

I took the bus and only had to walk a few feet before I saw the lounge. A few people were standing outside smoking as they chatted about news. I only fleetingly heard what they were talking about. Something like, "I don't believe in that at all. Sounds like something out of a bad book..." or, "If you only knew what else existed...".

Apparently, a mysterious person is being sought. Police searches have not been successful so far. I think that from now on I should watch more news TV or listen to the radio with Venti. I must have missed some things in the world.

As I walked on and reached the entrance, the warmth of the lounge and the dim red lights of the room hit me. A few groups sat at a four-top table with comfy couches, a few people preferred the tall chairs in front of the counter, and others stood casually.

"(Name)!" I turned around and was surprised with a hug and the light, pleasant scent from the forest. I returned the hug fleetingly. "Hey..." Venti, as always, had a casual but fashionable style of dress. A slightly oversized green cardigan with a white shirt and brown pants with a belt. The green hat is not to be missed.

We sat next to each other in a quiet alcove. Here you can talk in peace and others will certainly not interrupt us. Somehow I am glad to see him again today. Lately we saw each other rather rarely and we were very busy with other activities.

Oh... am I that dependent on him?

"Today it's all on me. Do you know what you want yet, (Name)?" He looked at the card for a moment, then handed it to me. Somewhat reluctantly, I took the drink menu and took a quick look inside. Then I looked over at him. "I think I'll have the fruit drinks..."

"Eehh..? But I'd like to see the drunk (Name) sometime..." Sighed Venti, leaning his head on my left shoulder. "Not gonna happen!" I said decidedly and folded the card shut.

"Besides, I should be watching you more." I added. What about if he does any shenanigans and I can't find him?

Or worse, he's drunkenly talking to a tree again.

"Subtle as ever." Venti stated quietly, looking to me. "I like that about you." He doesn't elaborate and accept that? He really is a godsend. I've heard so many stories from friends back then and one thing I can say...it wasn't pretty. I am really happy to have him.

But because I didn't know how to respond, I suggested that we order the drinks now.

"Ah, they even have candy!!!"

"Alright then, let's order some candy to go with it." After all, it's supposed to be a relaxing evening tonight. "Pick some out, here." I get to pick?

"Do you actually know what you want yet, Venti?" I asked, looking at the offerings. Jellybeans, Konpeito....

"Anything will do. Especially apple flavored." I propped my cheeks up with one hand and ruffled his hair with the other. "You're so quick to settle for anything." I stated. When he looked to me, I was sure he had slightly rosy cheeks.

Oh yeah, before I forget.

In the end, I didn't cut his beautiful hair after all. I advised him to sleep on it for a night. Venti was a little conflicted until he did listen to my advice and didn't have it cut. His hair was back to the style it was when I first saw him.

He was just Venti and that suited him too. The braided hair with the blue tips. He told me that at least the blue tips should be back on. He really didn't seem to like himself with the black braids. His reasoning was that he didn't have any fond memories with them.

For some reason, my first thought was that he wanted to avoid a certain look. Maybe...because he doesn't want to look like someone? Honestly, I can't explain why I thought that. I have no idea.

"Let's just order the Konpeito." I decided and turned to Venti, who looked at me in amazement. "You're eating those? Since when?" Funny question. "I don't know, it's been a long time. But I eat them rather rarely, because they're way too sweet for me. "Don't you like them a little, Venti?" He shook his head with a smile. "No, it's not like that. I haven't had them in a very long time either. What are we waiting for?". After much back and forth chatter, the drinks were on our table.

I didn't expect the bottom of the glasses to light up. At first I thought the drinks were poisonous. But these are glasses that start to glow as soon as they are filled with liquid. They really looked very cool. Especially, with the little umbrellas and ice cubes made of heart shapes.

I tried a sip and thankfully the juice didn't taste funny. As very strange as the combination was....

"I totally forgot to ask this, but how have you been lately? Have you...actually seen a doctor yet?"

"About that..yes, I have been. It's been stressful." I left out the fact that I was diagnosed with burnout for now. I didn't want to ruin the night with worry. But knowing him, I'm sure he already knows that. "That's why I should get reduced hours."

Venti put his hands on his hips. "And you keep those nicely!"

"Yes, sir."

"But the nausea is gone, thankfully, I see?" And how. I'm really relieved about that. It's been pure hell.

"Yeah, thanks again for your support. I don't know what I would have done without you. Really now."

"Oh, don't mention it!" Venti took a sip and looked like the happiest man alive. "Did I miss this..." He muttered, seeming to be in his own world.

"Go ahead..." I said quietly and patted his head. I took a Konpeito and brought it to my lips. I looked around a little bit and observed the other guests. No one was getting into mischief. Everyone was very relaxed and enjoying their free time with friends. I ate the Konpeito and looked at someone sitting on one of the high chairs. It really stood out. Did I look as lonely back in college...?

I think it was a young man. Maybe my age? He had an unusual haircut, but I couldn't make out the hair colour because of the LED light. He seems to be the only one here alone. Just as I picked up the second Konpeito, the person jerked up and turned slowly..

Towards my direction.

As someone walked past me, the young man had disappeared off the face of the earth. I could not see his face. This moment simply passed much too quickly

I looked again to the same place, but there was really nobody sitting anymore. Did I just imagine that? No...that would have been impossible.

Was it because of my burnout? Did I reach for the wrong drink after all? To confirm this theory, I looked at my glass. No, it certainly wasn't that either. I'm absolutely sure of that.

"Say Venti, can you try a sip?" Uncertain, I held my glass up to him. Without hesitation, he accepted the glass, our fingers touching. "If you want it so badly..."

He raised the glass to his lips and tasted a sip. Then he looked to me with a clueless smile. "Hmm..It's just juice, if that's what you wanted to know. Was that what you were worried about?"

"Actually, it was. I just felt funny."

"Do you want to get some fresh air? That group of people over there have been smoking the hookah for a while...are you getting any air?" He then suggested to me. In response, I shook my head. "No, that's fine and doesn't bother me. You just know my paranoid self." He slid a little closer to me and placed my glass so that the rim he just drank from touched my lips.

"You can relax with me. I'll stay with you, okay?" His voice was soothing. I nodded in response. took the glass in my hands and drank a sip from it. He was right...there are a lot of people here, after all. Besides, I was severely sleep-deprived, so much so that I actually imagined some things. If I only thought about lying comfortably in bed at night... then I could hardly wait.

I should pull myself together, for the sake of my health.

I set the glass down on the table and looked to him with a smile. "I'll order some more. How about you?"

He held the drink menu in front of me and looked over the rim with twinkling eyes. "Oh, I see, you want the number six again?" I then asked him.

"I'd say more like I should take number 8. But better I take the whole row!" I didn't know what he meant at first, but blamed it on the alcohol that he can say confusing stuff.

After a few drinks, we sat close to each other. He had his head leaning on my shoulder and looked content. "Have you had enough?"

"I could use a few more glasses, but my wallet is showing a definite stop." Typical!

"I didn't know you could take so much after all, Venti." He could easily be entered in the book of world records. I am very sure that no one else could beat him in it. I'm so sure about that.

"Hehe, I'll take that as a compliment." Positive as always. "You do that, fine by me."

We had so much fun that we completely forgot about the time. We even made friends with a few other people over time. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. It started with them thinking Venti was my best friend at first...that we were both girls having a good time. We were going to be treated to a nice evening and bought some drinks. I had never been hit on like that in my life and I really didn't know what to say. Inside, I was panicking.

Luckily Venti came to the rescue and put a hand around my shoulders and after a few drinks on them that the waiter brought us, laughingly clarified that he is actually my boyfriend.The group of guys were speechless for a few seconds, but then they started laughing and cheering for us, which I thought was funny. This clearly happens often with him. He wasn‘t mad one bit.

They were actually totally happy about us and left after a few minutes.

"Now we can stay longer!"

"You really take advantage of everything in your path." I sighed. Give him inches and he'll take miles!

Venti and I talked longer about pointless stuff while we had our shoes off and sat comfortably on the couches next to each other. I watched curiously as he tried a hookah. When I realized it wasn't his thing after all, I patted him on the back comfortingly. As much as they could smell pleasantly of apple..I still passed, waving a hand and shaking my head with a laugh. He stuck his tongue out with a bitter look on his face. He sticks to real apples himself. They are sacred to him!

And at some point we talked about not-so-senseless stuff. He told me that he was already sad about being done with university soon. He would miss it already if he couldn't spend the time there together with me as usual. I felt the same way.

But he is really happy about the fact that he won't have much writing work to do anymore. At least as a music therapist not as much as in the university. However, he wants to continue playing music freely for others before he looks for a permanent job.

Anyway, he has earned that. He has already studied so much, even if he didn't like it.

A break after graduation...? I haven't had a specific plan for how I want to spend my time off. I myself am graduating soon. But it might be a little while yet. Venti suggested that I could sell my handmade things. Or the flowers he had growing around his cottage. He knew an area nearby that would be very happy to have something like that. I thought it was a nice idea. I kept that idea in the back of my mind.

We took a cab to his home as the night came to an end. We had had enough fun and were getting really tired. I totally forgot about the worries from the evening. Besides, he hadn't had a chance to talk to a tree. Good thing!

"Are you happy?"

"Totally!" He replied tipsily as he lay with his head on my lap. He meanwhile raised his arms in the air and chuckled with slightly flushed cheeks.

"Are you drunk?"

"I don't think so..or maybe a little." He whispered and sat up in front of me. Just a little?!

"(Name), I didn't tell you, but I wanted to tell you that these clothes really suit you..." He now looked at my denim skirt. "Huh..you..you usually wear much longer and looser skirts though?" He just noticed that now?! "Yeah, I..just wanted to try something different on. Does it look weird on me?"

"Not at all!" He immediately denied. Then he smiled at me. "So don't say something like that and wear what you like, okay? The important thing is that you feel comfortable in it." At that, I took him in my arms and sighed. "Sometimes you can be really adorable."

"(Name)..."

"What now?"

"I almost completely forgot my promise!" I didn't know what he meant at first. "What promise?" He put his arms around my neck and chuckled as he moved closer to me.

"..That I'll give you more of it..so hold still, okay?"

"Huh? More? W..what?"

He closed his eyes and moved his lips closer to mine. His hands lightly stroked under my top up my back higher and higher.

It wasn't until he fell right asleep on top of me that I checked what he meant.

Oh, that!

I pushed him aside, put a pillow under his head and covered him with his blanket. He seemed to have really had his fun and was sleeping soundly with a contented look on his face.

"I'll just keep your promise then." I bent down to him and placed a kiss on his forehead.

That day, I felt like I was getting closer to Venti. And that, although we always had nice moments together. I couldn't explain it either. Maybe it was because he will soon be finished with university and I only now realized how quickly the time passed. This seems to make me appreciate moments more.

The rest of the days passed peacefully and I kept to my reduced hours. I rejected further measures offered to me by the doctor. Some measures I found a bit too extreme. Time off from the university, for example. Then I would worry more about forgetting a lot of things. Besides, I had to admit that I also wanted to get my degree as soon as possible..

I didn't want it to come to this at all.

It wasn't easy to change adapted habits at first. That's why I started slowly.

Going straight home after my classes and taking a nap after watching series I totally left behind was my favorite activity lately.

And have I missed a lot..Lucky that so far there have been no spoilers. Otherwise I wouldn't be surprised by some of the scenes. It's not just the same feeling.

I was actually relaxed a long period of time. Yes, was.

Until that evening.

I had been on late shift at the café and was happy to see some colleagues again. Actually, I prefer early duty because it's much quieter on a weekday. I could work more slowly then. It's a disaster on the weekend! That's when my team has a lot to fight for.

Actually, my day was going quite well. Until I remembered after work that I forgot a folder in the café. When I arrived, my manager was standing there with a smile on her lips, shaking her head and holding the folder. Sheepishly, I took the folder.

"Now go home, it's very late. Enjoy your weekend and have a good time!" I thanked her and made my way home.

It was still pitch black outside and cold because of the time of year. I was kind of hoping that the warm spring would come a little faster. Because now it was still cold. A cold spring. The flowers were already showing themselves.

I walked along the dark street and noticed nothing at first. Sometimes I looked at my phone to check the time. In a few minutes my bus should come and I could make it to the bus stop in time. If the bus driver didn't arrive way too early.

For a time free marked by worry, I was suddenly overcome with goosebumps. At first I thought it was because of the cold. Then I realized it was a shiver down my spine. I didn't usually get a shiver down my spine just like that. I even felt a slight pressure in my ears. A queasy feeling arched in my stomach and I suddenly felt unease.

My steps slowed down. Was it my gut feeling?

I stopped at one point and didn't move when I heard soft footsteps. I didn't know from where they came. But I still heard them clearly. Hesitantly I tried to look around, but I saw nothing.

After a few seconds I plucked up my courage and continued walking a little faster. I told myself that it was surely just another pedestrian and that I was imagining everything.

But a feeling deep inside me denied this too much. I had never felt anything like that before.

I looked around and saw it only for a few seconds.

In fact, I saw the outline of a person, quite far away from me. It was standing between the trees in the park.

At that very moment, a shiver stabbed me again all over my back like a knife.

I want to leave.

At that moment I got the impulse to walk faster, much faster.

Was I running now? Never mind. I just had to get away. I didn't feel how I was breathing or if I was breathing at all.

I ignored my surroundings so much that I didn't hear the sound of a motorcycle next to me and was startled when it stopped next to me.

"(Name)?"

For a moment I held my breath and could have sworn I saw my life flash before my eyes.

That voice..

I looked hesitantly to my left, where the road was. I didn't recognize the man in black clothes sitting on the motorcycle. He seemed to have noticed that and took off his helmet. My eyes widened a bit as I now recognized who he was.

"Xiao...?"

"Why are you running around the street like a madwoman in a panic at this hour?"

I couldn't answer at first. I didn't know what to say either. My legs gave out and I stopped myself at a fence.

"Hey, what happened?" He got off the motocycle, put his helmet on the seat and walked towards me. Then he calmly put a hand on my shoulder as he bent down to me.

Part 14

Masterlist

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #romance #fanfic #love #venti x reader #alcohol #lounge #venti and reader having a good time #paranoid thoughts #dark #Venti trying the hookah lul #dont come @ meh #a surprise guest #why did Venti choose number 8?

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