#how did the hyperfixation get THIS bad
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ok this is getting ridiculous
#its been a week#how did the hyperfixation get THIS bad#hes not finished finished yet#i gotta cut the cardboard to be nicer but I've been working on this all night and its 2am#im tired!!!!#im going to bed lol#guilty gear strive#paracelsus
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Hehe this man is broken and severely emotionally distressed. Silly lovable guy but given self esteem issues because of the crushing weight of perfectionism. Not so funny if you think about it too long. But at least on the upside he cries pretty :))
No but seriously for all those who relate to Mr. Puzzles just want you to know your accomplishments alone do not define your value and worth as a person. Even when you’re a messy work in progress, you are loved and appreciated more than you may recognize. Thank you for being here. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to be idealistic and set goals, but don’t undermine yourself if you don’t get that perfect score….or if you start to fall behind compared to everyone else. Everyone goes through those moments of doubt or perceived failure. We need to fail every once in a while. And that’s okay
…a-anyways funny goofy dramatic TV guy we love him so much so silly so slay he lives in my head rent free yipeee. This animation is dedicated to him because if anyone in the cast deserved a feature length film it was definitely him, and he sure took up the spotlight in Puzzlevison and absolutely owned it. I’m excited for his future endeavors ✨
#someone please how did I make this in two days wh-#wow wow wow what’s going on here how did I do that this is scary super powers being unlocked right now#Mr. Puzzles hyperfixation give me strength and motivation to get shit done I guess??? yay???#like holy shit I’m so productive in my art all the sudden whats this feeling of dopamine and happiness-#WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DEPRESSION WHERE’D IT GO#sir really stepped into my brain and yeeted my depression saying ‘looks like you won’t be needing that anymore’#and now he things he can just puppeteer me around to make countless art pieces in his image and honor??#he’s using me as his pawn to spread his glorious face around the internet HELP jksjksp#no actally don’t it’s very comfortable and freeing here I love letting my silly fixations go rampant <3#I don’t even need to think about what I want to do art stuff just happens naturally#CHEERS TO FICTIONAL MEN YIPEEE#wow he’s so mentally ill just like me fr /j#also now I’m staring to guilt trip myself because I feel bad watching him cry even though I’M THE ONE WHO ANIMATED IT WHYYYY#hplonesome art#mr. puzzles animation#smg4 mr puzzles animation#mr puzzles smg4 animation#sad mr puzzles#mr. puzzles crying animation#smg4 mr puzzles#mr. puzzles smg4
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... Will you guys please let me talk about hgduo/gossipduo/mockingjays/ whatever they are called a little more pleaseeeeeeeeee, they make me unwell and I want to get my thoughts about them out of my head- or more specifically about them from Bad's point of view!
There's a familial air to it, but it's just not true to define it like that- and that doesn't make what they DO have any less powerful or significant- They have a unique bond and that continues to be true, even during painful times like this.
Cellbit WAS Bad's responsibility at one point, and that time came and went- he got him through the war and into adulthood ( aka 18 years old or close to it.) They meet again as old friends and generally respect each other as such... but even so Bad can't deny he still feels some duty to watch over the man once he starts crumbling- much like how Cellbit as well can't help but reach out to Bad during this time.
but there's limits.
like- Bad for years had and still wants to protect Cellbit, he's had an influence on him, he taught him how to survive, he himself acknowledges he has some responsibility over Cellbit, looking at Cellbit right now feels like looking in a mirror, he doesn't like having to give up on him, but if it's between him and the kids he's choosing the kids every time... and he knows there is no simple way to save someone who refuses to let themself be saved.
And it hurts! It hurts seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to let him burn! It hurts watching someone he cares for falling down the same path he is! It hurts knowing he's hurting others the way it did for him seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to choose his kids over his protege/ student/ former responsibility/ the kid he watched over years ago/ old friend/ his 'something'!
Like, cc!Bad brought up this internal mental tier list that q!Bad has- I still deeply believe that q!Cellbit is quite high up there even if he'll never be at the level his kids are at- like he loves Cellbit enough that he ACTUALLY CONSIDERED putting parts of his months long plan at risk to save him- even if it was just during the stress of that moment that still means a LOT from Bad- but he was always going to choose his kids in the end!
Based on what I know of q!Bad (which is admitably not a lot lol) there is next to nothing that'd convince him to give up on his kids- with Cellbit he's able to see that he can't help him because Cellbit sadly does not want to be saved- and for Bad that means he simply has to accept it even if he really doesn't like it- the emotions from that night have processed and he's looking at the situation from a more logical and resolute perspective. If it means him and Cellbit may one day clash, then with a heavy sigh so be it....
but if it was Dapper or Pomme... I just don't feel certain in saying he'd be able to come to that conclusion, especially not after one night. Even if it would be the 'smart' thing to do. It's one of the key differences between the dynamic he has with them vs Cellbit...
But, in a perfect situation, he would've done everything to save them both.
Anyway thanks for reading, posting this at hell hours so my beloved mutuals won't see my hgduo ramblings but tagging this anyway for other people to see LMAO-
#mockingjays#hgduo#gossipduo#qsmp#badboyhalo#cellbit#God it's honestly a major problem how in love with this dynamic I am because I rly don't feel like I know shit about Bad or Cellbit LOL#like I enjoy both of their characters a lot but I feel so uncertain about actually ever talking about them- I enjoy them a LOT#but I don't think I have the best grasp on them as characters compared to others- wish I did though!#esp. Cellbit despite having been in love with his character since he joined- hence why I talk more about Bad's point of view LOL#wish I knew more Portuguese so I could 'get' q!Cellbit more I love him </3#I always feel scared talking about them because their other fans just get them way better then I do- I'm just hyperfixing over one aspect!#one last comment I do generally feel like they have a similar view of one another of like-but recently I feel like Cellbit wants to view Ba#as something closer to a parental figure- consciously or not- but he still doesn't see him as family- at least not in his past#They were two dudes doing whatever it took to survive- but still he was a child and Bad was the adult he looked up to!#longpost
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im kinda glad i was a tiny child when windwaker came out and i only played it years later without having internet access for the longest time bc i would have NOT survived the hatred i know ww got when it first came out bc it wasnt what most people expected (ww is my fav zelda)
loving botw but not liking totk and seeing the vast majority praise the latter like its the holy grail while alot also discrediting and needlessly hating on botw for it is already making it hard to stay calm about :U
#ganondoodles talks#special interest go brrrr#sucks when you care so much about a piece of media thats out of your control and it does something you hate#i do not control the hyperfixation#it wouldnt be so bad if people wouldnt keep hating on botw just to praise totk more tbh#and before people say but arent YOU doing the same thing in reverse???#welll ... its suppposedly a sequel yes?#direct sequels should build on the first title and totk does the opposite doesnt it?#again one of my biggest problems is that it was advertised and called a direct sequel qhen it really isnt#like at all#how some characters also made a weird turn in their personality it really does feel like it did a majoras mask thing without admitting to i#like majoras is GOOD#it was weird and kinda nonsensical but ultimately worked#can you imagine if totk just went with the whole other dimension thing properly and really went ham with it-#.... i am coming up with even more ideas for totk rewritten arent it..#anyway i dont think im gonna get a collectors edition ever again given the risk of me not liking what its for#regret spending that kind of money on it after i calmed down my fears and in the end they turned out to be mostly right#;__;
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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So I work at a tech store, which means we sell dvds
Like tons and tons of dvds, all the recently printed dvds you can think of, a quarter of our store is just dvds and cds
So today I was on the counter and this sweet woman dressed in pink comes up to me and asks, 'Can you look up whether you have a dvd for me?'
And I'm like, 'of course' (But a genuine 'of course' and not a customer service 'of course', there's a difference)
And she said, 'I'm not sure if you've heard of it, it's on amazon prime, it's called good omens'
*record scratch*
Did she just say the name of my worst hyperfixation
I had to stop myself from letting on how feral I am about this show, so I'm pretty sure I said something along the lines of 'Only season one was released on dvd, and we don't have it in stock anymore, blah blah blah'
And she said to me 'Oh, I know, it's so disappointing, they must be waiting for season three, season three is being filmed in january, you know'
I'm like 'I know'
I KNOW
#y'all have NO idea how much self control it took not to talk to this woman about good omens for like an hour#She only left because people started to line up behind her#We did commiserate about amazon prime being mean bastards for not making dvds#(Lowkey felt bad for saying that because at least they're making the show)#(But also that's how capitalism gets you)#Anyway that was my daily good omens post#good omens#dvds#daily good omens#silly#hyperfixation#work stories
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do u have any idea how agonizing it is being an autistic person w broadway special interest but u live in fawking canada.
#i went to ny for the first time for my bday in may but probably will not go again for several years bc#omg that shit was expensive#but it was literally the best week of my life but#like i want to live there 😭 why did my fawking autism brain have to fixate on broadway and not like. something important and/or close to me#WHY ALL THE WAY OVER THEREEEE#also adding that when i went i saw great gatsby instead of the outsiders bc my last one was between those 2#but the outsiders album wasn’t out & i wasn’t sure if my family would like it#so i chose great gatsby. do u know how bad i regret that.#bc then i just HAAAD to get the biggest hyperfixation ever on this fawking musical i COUKSVE seen and didn’t. omg#like less than a month later too. the cast album literally came out on my bday and i missed my chance so bad.#anyway that’s my rant thank you tumblr
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oct2path update . just hit the double whammy that was one of casttis chapters + one of thronés chapters. don't remember the numbers but it's probably an if u know u know type situation bc Ow that Hurt. anyway I'm currently on the temenos chapter that I'm pretty sure I've heard ppl talk about in a. similar vibe sort of way. and. not for the first time this game. i feel dread
#this game makes the first octopath look so tame its fucking wild . i should replay and keep a counter of how many ppl die on screen#and then make a counter of how many of those are important side characters .#i have a bad feeling that one is about to go up#ah. hm. yeah. there it is isnt it#yknow this game realllly doesnt pull any punches like ever. no one is safe ! anyway i hope to see temenos emotionally ruined#octotag#sorry abt the recent silence the hyperfixation has been catastrophic#no yeah this does hurt . a little bit#guide this individual..#i love the way they use game mechanics for storytelling#in a way that just. works. so so well . u wouldnt initially expect this sort of thing to bring an emotional response#intriguing for sure but not like . ow.#what he says before entering the secret door . ow ow ow#oh hes pissed . yay <3#AND THEN THE FLASHBACKS?? COME ON MAN#ive almost been up for 24 hours now . worth it#should probably end it there tho bv i do Not have it in me to do everyones final chapters.. and the side stories#how do u get more chapters for each tho i wonder.. i did the first of throné n temenos' but there isnt a new one for em yet..#and theres the extra stuff w partitio..#i need tlleave before i actually pass out#octopath traveler 2 spoilers
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Y'know- I wonder how many people were even surprised that Killbot 86 is being talked about/being present a lot during these past/current time all.
#killbot 86#woy#wander over yonder#chewys notes#just random ramblings#how because of ONE person#And it me🩷#but fr though#killbot 86 isn't even a popular character#nor does he stand out a lot cause he was never given a chance to have a character#9 year whole ass year btw#Until out of nowhere#uhh yeah you get the point#But oh my god#There's some stuff that could be talked about killbot 86 actually???#Yeah you guys mentioned how you did when the episode first aired but-#me personally#i was thinking you guys were talking about the episode itself instead of killbot 86#which isn't a bad thing and tbf he has no character#but damn#I noticed a shit load of errors in his design and weirdly enough he could've been wander's partner#unless im wrong but still#😭😭😭#the hyperfixation is fucking strong#My killbot 86 autism is real
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(muth being music theory!)
#FUCK IT MY OWN EDITION OF THE ODDLY SPECIFIC POLLS BC THESE ARE FUN#me when i've been obsessed with space/time stuff since i was a KID its more an interest than hyperfixation rn but man.#media with any of those?? i am OBSESSED (star wars rottmnt movie etc etc) like i hyperfixated on dr who for a year in middle school#the skateboard one is so funny. in high school my guard instructor saw me with a friend's pennyboard & immediately said no.#me when i was notoriously clumsy in middle + high school so everyone i knew was like. “this is a bad idea” when i did anything#my first semester of college i bought a longboard off someone then 5months later i turned around & ate SHIT it was so funny in retrospect#anyway fun sage lore i have only ever heavily injured the left side of my body. my knee + elbow and the SAME FUCKING TOOTH. TWICE.#also i have a high pain tolerance. like idk how or when but in middle school it just got Really Strong. me when i injure myself and just#live with it for a year before it becomes a concern and i get told to get an xray (i will live with a fractured knee the rest of my life)#also when i fell off my skateboard and ate shit my first concern was “ah fuck my glasses did i break my nose” and#“nah my elbow isnt broken! my arm is just rly sore from how i landed on it” (readers. it was in fact fractured.)#like i literally went “no im fine we dont need to tell my mom or go to the er” and my friends said “call your mom and go to the er”#me spitting out my tooth and blood bc i also busted my lip: that hurt. time to hobble back to my dorm.#anyway hiding this one in the tags bc i will never not just ignore my issues LMAO did it with my ptsd dx and i will continue to do it#another incredibly hyperspecific thing: oh this doesnt seem normal! im gonna ignore it and hope it goes away#these symptoms match up to something? nah i'm sure it's not that! (proceeds to get dx'd with ptsd five months later)
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deleted my twitter
#god it feels good#after getting into smiling friends i rememberd how truly awful the site is#because i got a twitter in the first place for my caddicarus hyperfix#and that community is so tiny and secluded and there's no bullshit like dudebros and discourse#but with SF.... hoo boy#dudebros harassing people for existing and making cute art#people flinging shit at each other over the DUMBEST shit OVER AND OVER again#people thinking they have the moral high ground for consuming the correct media and putting others down#for enjoying something they don't#or something they deep problematic for something the creator did EONS ago#i would see something that pissed me off and it would get me in a bad mood for the rest of the day#and i would have awful FOMO#and i just need to step back a bit and realize hey. the duck bigger than the car
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the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)
#heed my warning boy#it seems i am not well today#recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation#something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well#its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day#i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully#but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is#and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him#my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me#so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks#but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it#and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao#so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that#and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves#ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO#anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF#i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY#ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA
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you do not realize how much you take certain body parts for granted until you can't use them anymore hooooly shit
#have yall ever tried to make a cup of tea one handed. there is NO fucking reason for this to be this difficult#like im no stranger to chronic pain but this is something completely different#girl. i fucked up both of my arms so bad. this is excruciating#i woke up this morning rolled over and proceeded to spend an hour crying and shaking (literally)#i have not. been able to do nearly ANYTHING with my left arm from the shoulder to the actual tips of my fingers#my right arm. is better. but i still need 2 be so careful with it rn#this is my fault & because of final shape. to be clear#i did NOT. realize. laying on my stomach in bed for that long would fuck up my biceps at all. much less this bad.#i dont know HOW. this has NEVER happened to me before#bitch ass body is like hey :) we have a suprise for you :) and the surprise is my muscle tissue has starting ripping up#but also what a testament to hyperfixation and quality lmao#literally sobbing in pain while my mom was slathering my arms in magnesium butter and i was STILL like. yeah this is worth it#obviously im not going to do it again. but if that was the price i had to pay for getting to experience final shape for the first time agai#yeah. i would fhgkjhfdkjHADJAGDJS#mine#vent
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Every day I wake up and want to cry because there is something so comforting yet so unbelievably terrifying about a prequel series that includes characters we have seen in the future because we know that those characters will certainly survive, or at least survive the events we are witnessing in this context, but everybody else has their fate completely up in the air. Will they live? Will they die? Is their absence in the future timeline and inherent confirmation of their death, or will they be fine and is there a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they do not appear with the characters who we know will survive? And that constant hope, that persisting anxiety about their fate holds for their entire time onscreen because we know, we know that their future is not set in stone. So we're fighting against our better nature as the audience to convince ourselves that somehow the characters will survive even when it feels like we should already be grieving their loss. Anyways I'm doing fine mentally and have consumed a perfectly healthy amount of media why are you asking
#for your information this is in fact about star wars. because i am. hyperfixating#specifically commander cody/any rogue clones we meet and basically the entire cast of andor#because for cody we see rex in rebels; even better we literally see him with wolffe and gregor#which separately makes me so emotional cause they survived together dont you GET IT-#im good im fine. moving on#but we don't see cody#and rex even has a nightmare about him and calls out for him so WHAT IN THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN#CAUSE MY SPIDEY SENSE IS TELLING ME THAT MEANS CODY'S DEAD#WHICH OKAY. DEVASTATING. I WILL BE ON LEAVE FOR 4-6 BUISINESS WEEKS GRIEVING THIS NEWS.#but more importantly: HOW#HOW AND WHY IS HE GONE AND WHEN DID IT HAPPEN#did rex get to see him before he died? did cody die 3 years ago or 15?? there's a hell of a lot of time between episode 3 and 4 (/rebels)!#thats a full 19 YEARS of time#so WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED#AND WILL WE SEE IT HAPPEN IN THE BAD BATCH#BECAUSE CODY JUST WENT AWOL BUT IF HE DOESNT LIVE I WILL CRY REAL TEARS#also with andor this is a thing#cassians obviously alive and so is mon and saw and melshi is there too#but we dont see of hear about luthen one bit and bix nor any other characters are anywhere around in rogue one#so i just. want them to be okay so fucking badly#i am in a major mood can you tell :D#star wars#the clone wars#the bad batch#andor#rogue one#commander cody#luthen rael#cassian andor#andis thought geyser
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it is so easy for me to get the urge to start learning a language jesus christ😭 i was just watching a twitch stream where chat started talking about german and now i really wanna learn german
#theoretically this is a good thing#but the issue is it never lasts#i just start learning a billion languages#learn how to get by in a select few#and then forget most of that when the hyperfixation passes#the only languages i can truly use are spanish and portuguese#the two that i’ve actual lessons in#i mean i did do french in school for like 6 years#but british primary school doesn’t tend to teach languages very well and secondary school doesn’t do much better#and i’ve forgotten most of it anyway#i’m not too bad at understanding written french but that’s largely thanks to english spanish and portuguese#anyway language learning is most certainly my strongest special interest#langblr#language learning#actually autistic
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Hey so this happened to come up on my feed seemingly randomly but for once I'm not complaining /enthusiastic because I did in fact have a Wreck it Ralph phase last month! Helped me feel better when house became hostile lol. I wonder if I forgot I had the tags saved or something, cause I don't remember what I did to have this pop up on my dash lol. Sorry for anyone who has to see it, but honestly, this was the best way y'all could've found out, lmao. I have Seen Shit, and I made a Spotify playlist about said shit. It is, mercifully, only 8 songs long lol
Anyway, remember I said "topical times do exist, but never feel embarassed to like something years after everyone else seemingly moved on! It's both valid to grow out of something, as well as valid to keep it in your hearts! I mean, that is the basis of the retro genre after all..."
Happy 10th Anniversary to the movie that fundamentally changed my brain chemistry and made me unbearable to be around in 2012!!! <333
#wreck it ralph#owl city#songs just hit different#and i genuinely cannot explain why#like let's be real#they sound like the absolute worst of pop music#and the haters kinda have a point#but i don't understand what the fans like so#is it just rose-tinted nostalgia?#because if so i think i found my ticket to the guardians of ga'hoole fandom#relatable childhood experiences of people on the internet how i envy you#finally may i find a common experience? of many?#or are y'all just have no excuse fopr yourselves lol#i'm gonna regret this when i find out the reason lmao#'apology post coming in anywhere from a few years to a few weeks lol#depends how long my backlog of hyperfixations ends up being#i still have a few fanfics i've been meaning to read#yes there are fanfics. no you do not want to look them up. fandom's wack#all hail one of the only arguably decent twist villains in disney's roster#all hail the wreck it ralph good guys#i'm gonna make a post about felix sometime because i have thoughts about him#that i haven't seen covered yet#because i did check the character and canon ship tag#very little nuance to be found#at least on the surface#but i 100% get it guys#don't feel bad or like i'm judging you on that front#i see the appeal#but like miguel o'hara and the resident evil mother#i am on the sidelines respectfully cheering y'all on
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