#she would never how fucking dare you
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Got thoughts on Ethan Carter this morning.
This man was SO in love with Genevieve, in an attempt to gain her fathers approval, he joins a war effort he doesn't support or believe in. When he deserts his main concern isn't his family, who literally remove him from the family records and the tree that hangs in Wates Landing, its Genevieve, because he hates to disappoint her by failing to please her father. Hes fully prepared for her to leave him when she finds out, tells her he'd understand because he "has no honor and has no money", and Genevieve calls him the most honorable man, because he is, and she essentially tells him her dad can shove it because "you're home now and we're gonna get married"
He is shot protecting her, and while she desperately struggles to keep him alive, panicking and begging Ivy for help, hes telling her how he would have married her no matter what her family thought, how he would have taken a marriage where they can barely touch because Casters and Mortals don't mix, and he would have been happy.
And as he dies the second time after she brings him back, all he does is talk about loving her, about how he never believed for even a second that her father was right when he said it was impossible for a mortal and a caster to be together. And he gives her the locket as he does before he dies in her arms a second time in one night. Both times hes given a chance to say anything as he bleeds out in her arms, he could ask her to say something to his family or to be buried somewhere special to them, but he puts his final bits of energy into making sure Genevieve, who has lost her mother and sister this night, know she is LOVED.
And in the afterlife?? When he could wait for her to join him(he seemingly wouldn't have had to wait more than maybe a decade or so seeing as she seemingly dies rather young) instead, he tries to save her from her curse. The curse she brought onto her bloodline through her love for him and her unwillingness to let him go, he goes to the far keep to try and fix it. To prove one last time that he loves her, that he would do anything for her in this life or the next. But he fails, and becomes one of the bodies in the water, while Genevieve spends eternity wanting him, and watching her family.
#rainy talks#beautiful creatures#the caster chronicles#ethan carter wate#genevieve duchannnes#do i tag ethan#i don't think she hes kinda glossed over#but i am SOBBING over these two#PLEASE THEY DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING#can't believe the books give me all these ships#all kinda tragic#most getting a happy ending#and I chose one of the two that doesn't#and not even that#i chose the one that has arguably the worst!! most painful ending!!@#but i love them SOSOSOSO much#they are the hyperfixation rn#i can't believe the movie did them so bad by having her kill him the second time#she would never how fucking dare you#justice for my poor lil guys
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Halenthir scenario where they get married for tax benefits (in a platonic good friends sort of way) and fall in love long distance via sending each other letters with ideas on how to best leverage their marriage for tax evasion.
#Haleth has never paid taxes before moving to brethil#And is FUMING about the idea. So she sends a letter to Caranthir who mentioned something about *evading* taxes#In this setting I guess they part on good friendship terms#She visits him for a crash course in tax evading and they get drunk and someone mentions marriage giving you tax benefits#They wake up the next day and decide “you know what. Let’s actually get married for tax evasion purposes. It would be hilarious”#Up to you whether they get married in the elven way or just in the human way#Haleth fucks off back to brethil with a bunch of gifts from Caranthir like “bye bestie” and he’s like “👍. Bye bestie.”#And they strike up a proper correspondence#Because they’re married obviously#not because they’re having fun talking about loopholes in the tax code#That would be ridiculous. Obviously they are writing each other erotica.#All of Caranthir’s brothers find out because Caranthir ticks married on his tax return#Maglor voice: YOU GOT MARRIED? AND YOU DIDNT INVITE US?#Caranthir voice: It was pretty low-key. Now tell me. Did Fingolfin cry upon seeing how I leveraged my marriage for tax concessions.#Literally all his brothers: various sounds of sudden realisation this is a tax scheme#half of them don’t even believe haleth is a real person. She might have just been made up for tax reasons#Obviously this leads to a comedy of errors and classic finwean snooping#at one point Haleth hits one of Caranthir’s (half) cousins with a shovel for snooping#claims her name isn’t haleth (despite all her people calling her Haleth) and dares them to call her out on it#they can’t btw she is terrifying#silmarillion#the silmarillion#tolkien#caranthir#morifinwe#haleth of the haladin
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GOD I would HATE to be stuck at a family dinner with them 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I would NOT fucking survive, the vibes alone would do 1000 points poison damage to me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Also JUST. JUST.
THE VIBES. ARE RANCID. SHARENA DARLING YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS (ALFPNSE TOO BUT DEAR LORD. Sharena LITERALLY was just told to Don't Speak Unless Spoken To RANCID. RANCID FUCKING FAMILY)
#I SAID I WOULDN'T DOCUMEBT THE WHOLE THING. BUT COME ON#gustav hits alfonse with the 'and' 😐🤨 and if i were him i would be internally exploding instantly.#HENRIETTE HITS ALFONSE W THE 'he missed you soooooo much 😊😊😊😊😊😇😇😇' and BY GOD. IF I WERE ALFONSE#i would SHATTER. LIKE GLASS. INSTANTLY. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#my BITCHASS FUCKING BAD WHO'S BEEN SILENT TREATMENTINF ME FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG#BC I HAD THE AUDACITY TO MAKE A CHOICE?????????? BC I DARED HAVE AUTONOMY????????? FREE WILL???????#ohhhh my god and sharena. SHARENA. DARLING. BELOVED. DEAR. how have you not SNAPPED#girl if i were you this would be my villain origin story.#i mean. if. moe is anything to go by.#gooooddddddddddddd.#HELP THE TYPO IN MY TAGS.... OF 'BAD' INSTEAD OF 'DAD'....... freudian slip. but am i wrong#GOOODDDDD BUT. HAVING. EYES. THAT KNOW. EVERYTHING. THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE#INSANE!!!!!! INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc i DO ACTUALLY BELIEVE HENRIETTE NOW??? WHEN SHE SAYS THAT ABOUT GUSTAV?!?????#SHE'S. the ONLY person in the goddamn fucking WORLD. who would know this. who would be able to read this. what the FUCK#but like THAT STILL DOESN'T MAKE HIM ANY BETTER...... gooooddddddd I HATE IT. HATE IT#when the love IS there it's just fucking stupid bc nobody here is normal. about anything. making an endlessly complicated situation#type of shit that has made it so i never believe that anyone genuinely likes me. type of shit that makes me never believe an 'i love you'#UNLESS. if it's from my sisters i trust them w my entire heart. but holy shit it actually took them directly stating it#AS. AN ADULT. AT THIS TIME. for me to actually believe it. and fully actually accept it.#HELP AND ALSO... EVERY TIME GUSTAV CALLS ALFPNSE 'Son.' IT'S.. SO FUNNY TO ME IDK WHY#i just read it in that one voice/cadence. of that katamari post. my gay ass son who i hate. HELP#i need to find that again hold on#but first#fe alfonse#sharena#fe henriette#fe gustav#book 3 replaying#feh
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Okay but forreal, now more than ever I desperately NEED Aya to eventually wreck Fyodor's shit somehow. I already wanted her to get her revenge before, but I didn't think Fyodor would even remember or know who she was, and would massively underestimate her for that reason (just like Jouno knew that Fukuchi would underestimate her). But now the story has instead created this twisted, fucked-up dynamic between them, where Fyodor not only knows her, but is protective of her for reasons that are not his own: he has taken the pure, noble, kind, fatherly love motivating Bram to protect Aya and warped it into something horrific, vowing to protect her body only while not caring how much her heart and mind has been scarred, and claiming to be doing it for her own salvation, when he cannot possibly understand the selfless feelings Bram had that made him want to protect her and care for her — feelings that he does not have. He may genuinely have some sort of affection for children (the way he treated Karma, "blessings for the children", this), but it is twisted and hollow and is quite possibly only him unconsciously acting out the motions due to behavior instilled in him from the feelings of all the people he's subsumed in the past.
All this is to say that, now the narrative has specifically pitted Aya and Fyodor together as direct enemies: she not only had reason already to hate him because he killed Bram, but because he's also taken Bram's love for her and defiled it, dishonored it and him and all that he was; meanwhile, Fyodor has given himself an arch nemesis that he no doubt takes great pleasure in seeing how much she hates him/how much despair he's brought her, but paradoxically at the same time feels a compulsion to "protect" her that draws himself to her and that he can't ignore. Aya has to defeat him somehow (not permanently, mind you; Dazai will undoubtedly be his final end), and the setup for Bram being able to fight back enough to stop Fyodor from the inside with her help is all right there, too. Their love for each other is still enduring, stronger than ever, Fyodor is proof of that right now, and they will be able to defeat him together, at least enough that Bram can be freed and come back to Aya. Dazai told Fyodor that he would lose because he doesn't understand and underestimates the power of friendship bonds and love, and there is no better a time for that to happen than here, when he is literally using someone's strong love for and connection with someone (acting as that person and claiming to know how they feel and to be the same as them) in a way that he cannot understand, which will be his undoing.
#bungou stray dogs#bsd 115#bsd spoilers#bsd 115 spoilers#this post brought to you by me spamming two steps from hell songs because i need to be hyped up and to feel something#the lyrics to 'star sky' are very bsd (especially right now) okay just listen to it#anyway aya is gonna fuck fyodor up i see the vision LET ME COOOOOK#I SEE ASAGIRI'S COOKING AND I'M STIRRING THE POT#PICKING UP WHAT HE'S PUTTING DOWN#BOY THAT WHOLE PART MADE ME FEEL LITERALLY ILL AND WANTING TO KMS BUT THE PAYOFF IS GONNA BE SO GOOD JUST WATCH#i had the copium after last chapter but IT'S FORMING NOW WE SEEING IT COMING TOGETHER TRUST#GIVING FYODOR AND AYA A TOXIC FUCKED UP FATHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP OOOHHHH............ PURE EVIL BUT I'LL GLADLY BE SICK FOR A WHILE#IF IT MEANS THE REUNION AND RAT SMACKDOWN IS ALL THE MORE SATISFYING!!!!!!!!!!#AYA AND BRAM GET HIS ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS#THAT RAT BASTARD COULDN'T RECOGNIZE A LOVING PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIP IF IT HIT HIM IN THE FACE#(narrator: this statement would come back to haunt her)#HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE HE STOOD AND TRY TO BE HIM!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NEVER!!!!!!!!!!#BRAM'S LOVE FOR HER IS STILL IN THERE AND I'M MORE THAN A LITTLE EMOTIONAL OVER IT#HE'S GONNA COME BACK SHE'S GONNA FUCK FYODOR UP THEY'RE GONNA DO IT TOGETHER WITH THE POWER OF LOVE BABYYYYYY#*kingdom hearts 3 woody voice* because hE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT HEARTS AND LOVE!!!!!!!!
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ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him
#dont get me wrong i am enjoying this manga#but i'm failing to see how this is some great amazing autistic rep#like yeah laios is obviously autistic#and the struggles he has due to his autism are VERY relatable#but it's deeply uncomfortable that even the people closest to him are routinely awful to him#specifically for his autistic traits#and their bullying is almost always a joke#not a single person defends him#literally senshi is the only character that's never been cruel to him#well and farlyn but lbr she's also autistic and also has been in like half a chapter that ive read so far#maybe ive just not read far enough or not seen enough posts#but im not understanding why the fandom are treating it like amazing autistic rep and how it understands us so well#you could argue that the narrative tends to support laios's methods and way of thinking#but nothing else does#the scene with shuro was fucking awful to read tbh#'you're so annoying because you're autistic. how dare you think im your friend when you should have just guessed that i hated you'#and not a single person defends laios#or calls shuro out on what a fucking horrific way of treating a party member that is#like i dont know MAYBE you could have just said 'hey i don't really want to be friends'#maybe you could COMMUNICATE.#but no it's the autistic man who's the problem. for the crime of.... being too nice.#i don't have a problem with the scene.#i have a problem with the fact that shuro is framed as reasonable here. instead of utterly fucking vile.#i have a problem with none of the other characters sticking up for laios.#dungeon meshi#maybe ppl will start treating him better#i would like to continue reading#but if he continues getting bullied in EVERY fucking chapter as a 'joke' then idk man
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Bro I was reenacting the "Just So" clip while I was putting away the dishes and when Frank yelled at Barnaby I was gonna say "oi fuck you" y'know because I was being silly but what came out was an almost PERFECT imitation of Barnaby's voice- I couldn't even finish the "fuck you" because I broke down laughing
Btw the reason this is so funny is because I'm a 5'2" Latino AFAB with NO experience in voice acting whatsoever yet for some reason the spirit of Giant Blues Clues decided my vocal chords were the PERFECT place to set up real estate
Anyway peace and love
HAGHASBCAKJSCNAKLD I WHEEZED
#the spirit of giant blues clues were the perfect place to set up real estate#PLEASSSSEEEEEEE#how dare you people come into my inbox and be leagues funnier than me-#fuck now i really want to hear barnaby's va say 'fuck you' In His Voice... what i wouldnt give...#i think it would heal something in me! i can imagine it well enough but to Hear It...#but yeah thats so fucking funny. peace and love Indeed!#rambles from the bog#i actually had a similar experience once if you dont mind me uno reverse carding you#when i lived with my mom i made a game out of trying to scare her#so one night shes downstairs in the dark. messing with the printer by the light of the stairs#and i am not a light person by any means. but im fucking Quiet. i regularly sneak up on my cats#so i snuck up behind her-#and im afab w/ no experience in va too. my voice is a lot higher than id like it to be.#but holyyyy shit when i said 'Hello' - STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER MIND YOU!!! - my voice dropped Several octaves#im talking roadhog from overwatch level deep. deeper than mark introing three scary games#im talkin Downright Demonic The Devil Himself Possessed Me deep. deep as the marianas trench#to this day i have never startled or scared anyone that badly. she literally almost fell over. i saw true fear in her eyes#so. 🤝
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JoJo Siwa doesn’t deserve all the hate (and homophobia) she’s getting for her style and music; but she does deserve scrutiny for defending Colleen Ballinger and being both active and complicit in abuse that happened on her TV show. Like the girl has been under the public eye in unhealthy environments all her life; cut her some slack — not too much; she’s still a responsible adult — but if you’re going to dogpile her, then at least dogpile her for the right reasons. Jesus Fucking Christ.
#jojo siwa#discourse#Her comment sections are VILE#I actually don’t hate her songs. They’re basically early-2000s new old stock and I like early 2000s music#Is she trying too hard to look like an “adult?” Yes. But that’s understandable.#What isn’t understandable is screaming at children for no fucking reason#and JoJo not helping at all when a girl was hemorrhaging out her belly button#when JoJo’s mother told the girl to “put a pad on it”#I don’t care how afraid you are of your parents; you END that shit the second you see it#I was raised in a cult and I actively sabotaged my parents’ preaching work on multiple occasions#I didn’t know if I’d get kicked out if they found out I did that; the only reason I still have a relationship with them#is because they never found out about my later sabotage#Dad preached to a waitress dangling a cure for her sons’ disorder in front of her nose as incentive to join and gave her literature#So I went to the restaurant with him and insisted I pay for the tip.#I gave her eight dollars and a sticky note with a bunch of keywords about the cult’s abuses to look up#The next time I went there#she said didn’t understand the sticky note and asked me while he was gone what I meant#I hate talking to people especially when I’m under pressure because I trip over my words even when I’m NOT anxious#But her kids’ lives being free of a cult meant more to me than avoiding a momentary discomfort so I gave a quick rundown#She thanked me and heeded my warning basically playing along with me and not saying anything to my dad about it#I was 20; JoJo was about 19 when her show was going on#She had no excuse for allowing her mom to do that.#At the very least she could have said “Oh god I’m so sorry she said that. Please don’t hurt yourself for my show; go to the hospital.”#But no. She didn’t do that. In fact she screamed at children and joked that if they were crying then it was a good show.#Bitch come here and do that in front of me. I double dog dare you. I may only be 5’5” but I fight dirty and I’m angrier than you#Sorry. I guess I do hate her… for THAT specifically.#Like yeah I’ve fucked up with the kids I help and yelled when I didn’t have to but I HATED doing it and tried to do better later#Why someone would SCREAM at kids on purpose for long periods of time for no reason is beyond me
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Y'all do know you can't make Jason be NOT white without changing his whole character, right?
For other characters, yes, because their physical appearance are not that influential in their story, on how they are viewed by people, on their personality formation — you can have a black/asian/indigenous/arab/brown/latino/etc Nico and yes, the hate he gets will have a undertone of racism but at the same time nothing significant on his story, motivation or personality will need to change. This is also true for other characters: Clarisse risks repeating the "aggressive WoC" stereotype but the character itself doesn't change.
This isn't true for Jason, whose main character trait is how he is perceived by others and how he showcases himself to others based on that perception. (specially with how little effort Riordan put on him besides making him perfect-er Percy who's somehow also weaker and less important than him).
Let's not pretend a black, Arab, indigenous, Asian, Latin man, etc, in the USA would ever be treated with the universal reverence Jason gets from New Roma, you can't have the illusion of perfection and most of all, of invincibility they have about him when you see him suffering racism or xenophobia in the middle of a mission. In theory, nothing in his life has ever gone wrong, that's his image, destined to be king, he is supposed to have no weakness on his peers eyes.
He is not trying to prove people wrong, he is trying to prove them right; he isn't worthy despite their prejudice, on the contrary, he only tried to make himself worthy to fulfill their expectations. He can't be a woman or an immigrant or have a visible disability or any other thing that strays him from a perfect ideal by western society standards, and be that same character.
#Different from the other white character in the series he was never questioned or doubted#There's a presumption of perfection with no exceptions that society doesn't give to us (women poc immigrants visible minorities in general)#His privilege (handsome white man with no visible disability son of Zeus etc) also prevented anyone from worrying for his well being#This illusion/expectation of him having no weakness/being untouchable pushes himself too far and clouds his judgment.#I headcanon he didn't even consider the possibility of myopia because that wouldn't fit Jason Grace Son of Jupiter so it wasn't an option#And you think it'd be the same character after facing racism? Because ain't no way he'd be praetor without going through racism#I think I'd love him nonetheless since I'm very weak to the whole golden boy tearing himself to save the world but it'd be a new character#jason grace#I know racism in USA is different from here but I know how different a “non-racist” white person treats me and treats my white friends#Also for him to not be an entirely different character if PoC would be incredibly disrespectful and racist on its own#It would fail to recognize the difference in how we are read (and written). I hate that a lot.#I remember that when Cody told Brandi “I see no color” she told him “then you don't see me” and that's so fucking striking#We ARE different. treated differently. if you act like you don't see it then you also turn a blind eye to the violence that comes from it#This is straying from my point I got a bit heated banalization of things I care about usually does that to me#Point is please don't change Jason on the very few things that man actually bothered writing about him#I actually think this is true about Octavian too. A lot of what he is allowed to do would not be possible if he weren't a white man.#Same for Rachel Elizabeth Dare. I mean you can work around making her poc but it will truly be pushing A LOT#Let's put it this way: a woc doing a street performance is perceived very differently from a white woman doing a street performance.#Specially in the eyes of cops#Pjo
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Opinion on the idea of role-swap AU where everyone only swaps one random trait per pair? (like say, Audrey is the one who stayed in Paris while Andre dipped but its still very much regular Audrey. Or Shoto going to Aldera instead of Katsuki)
Honestly we have plenty of AU ideas that stem from 'character A does something different/Character A and B swap roles'.
#actually that *shoto at Aldera* one is driving me insane#because while it would never happen because (as the next Road to Hell chapter shows) Enji is not touching that district with a ten foot pol#it would fix so many problems#shoto befriends Izuku half out of genuine Izuku and the power of friendship and half because he thinks it'll spite his dad#shoto is confused because enji doesn't care about Izuku's lack of Quirk and is just answering every one of Izuku's rapidfire questions#(because enji's focus on the family's quirks was for a specific purpose not some prejudiced bullshit)#(izuku being an All Might fan might annoy him but Enji gets why the population likes All Might so he's not too bothered)#Either Shoto decides to use this for good and/or Fuyumi is doing some TA shit and finds out about the bullying#and they go *hey dad as a Hero I'm sure you could do something about this* and whoops a rain of hellfire on the school staff#On the flipside Inko finds out about the abuse and flips on Enji because how dare he call himself a Hero but act like That™#(she may or may not throw a chair at him because damn it reoccurring theme)#tbh once confronted by an adult who knows the situation is fucked and can point out the wrongness of it from every direction?#It's actually pretty easy for him to back down on some of that and unpack a chunk of trauma
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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again the rage that fills me upon reading the tags “abusive Midoriya inko” and “Midoriya inkos bad parenting” knows no fucking bounds I want to explode
#esp when the fic actually sounds good until I see that#it’s like 1) how dare you slander my wife fuck you and 2) that and bakugo slander tell me you have zero reading comprehension#also all might slander but I don’t care as much when it comes to him. cuz idc#she would NEVER and your desire for angst will never change that#she loves her boy with her entire heart he is a mommas boy STOP DESTROYING HER
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my favourite headcanon for glass sorenson is that she came down with farm station and watched them murder luke right in front of her eyes (or kidnap him or something cause i love tragic lovers but she deserves to be happy) and so she’s one of the first people to join pike’s militia and turn vengeful, and her best friend wells (he lives too cause this is my canon now) is trying to get through to her but she won’t hear it cause all she wants is justice and to get her oldest friend clarke griffin out of polis and away from harm (they’re friends too fight me on this i dare you)
(also sorry about the tags i didn’t know i had that rant in me 😭😭)
#the 100#the 100 novels#kass morgan#glass sorenson#please explain to me why she wasn’t in the show#actually dont i dont want excuses 😭😭#shes my babyyyyy#and this is my favourite headcanon for her#i think that after everything that happened to her she deserved to stab someone#i also think having someone explicitly in the younger main cast who was affected by the farm station massacre would help highlight why they#refused to trust grounders and wanted vengeance for what happened to them#because it feels like the show was going for a whole black and white youre wrong thing#which sucked#cause you literally hear hannah and pike say that the CHILDREN who were just PLAYING IN THE SNOW were the first to die#and then the writers are like but how DARE they want retribution#also im sorry but lexa was so stupid to think the ice queens body would be enough#everyone was so for jus drein jus daun but when they demanded the grounders responsible it was literally never adressed#and they didn’t even see the ice queen die#lexa just wanted to hand them her body and be like okay its done now stop causing problems#also she did literal shit to help because a whole ass SEASON later some of farm station are still alive being held as SLAVES by the ones#who attacked them#and if the main group didnt go after the ship for ita resources they would have died their in praimfaya or died through the labour#like please explain to me why the writers just brushed this aside and then made BELAMY the guy who lost someone he loved and was manipulate#the villain of that season like the fuck????????#not saying they had a right to go around massacring villages im not an idiot that was too far but the people who are like oh they were#murdering children how could they 😔😔#like the grounders didnt kill children FIRST and get NO FUCKING CONSEQUENCES pisses me off to no end#also im really supposed to see skaikru as villains fot wanting vengeance when literally 99.99% of the grounders we meet wanted it and the#ones who didnt DIED for chosing peace because the rest refused to abadon violence like titus and lincoln literally say lexa would DIE for#wanting peace and changing her ways cause her people would MURDER her and yet skaikru were evil for wanting justice
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#I just spent 30 min crying over that clip from the last unicorn#the: how dare you come to me NOW clip#because the magic never came for me#and when it didn’t come I put the desire for it on a shelf#I buried it#(that desire that one day#something amazing would just appear in my life#and then the adventure would start#a new better world would open up to me)#I became so good at ignoring it I forgot about it#I grew up#my life became about banal tiring things like house maintenance and bills#the awful crushing druggry we all go through to just survive#I’ve become a bitter tired woman who feels old before she’s old#and it cracked my fucking heart in two#because this isn’t what I wanted to be#and I still want that magic#I will ALWAYS want that magic#but I am really morning for the me that needed it 10 years ago#I am sorry the world is so hard#and so full of disappointments#I am sorry you became me
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realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.
#whosebaby talks#SDMItag#abuse cw#polyphobia cw#there is just. still a lot that i am unpacking about how deeply abusive her muses were in ~healthy relationships~ with mine#which was really fucked up to put me through by itself but was also *deeply* telling about our friendship in general#a major aspect being how she constantly went back and forth between being very clear that she was repulsed and disgusted by my queerness#and pretending she never said that; while playing olympic-level gymnastics for any possible bullshit alternate explanation she could find#and i'm just like. in hindsight it has become deeply cathartic to write/engage with stories where the polyphobic abuser#is openly and intentionally and maliciously abusive; and framed as such#after the relentless gaslighting and queerphobia of ~healthy OTP relationship~ where a poly muse i had put a lot of myself into#brought up the subject of whether his partner would be alright with him pursuing a relationship over feelings he was Just Starting to Have#and wanted to get ahead of things and ask the moment it became relevant; specifically because he knew the partner had jealousy issues#and the poly person Absolutely Fucking Daring to Have Even the Beginnings of a Crush at All Without His Permission#sent the partner into a massive wailing nauseous spiraling self-harming world-ending inconsolable breakdown#and going practically catatonic with jealousy and ~pain and betrayal~#and the ~healthy resolution~ was the poly muse apologizing profusely for it; comforting him; and promising it would never ever happen again#'he has BPD and jealousy issues and it hurts him sooooo so bad 🥺' i hope otto cheats on him with ten people and then dumps his ass#BPD doesn't make you abusive or polyphobic even if you're mono#and it's so fucking gross that her non-BPD-having ass used pwBPD as an excuse for passionately hating poly people#but yeah there was just. so so much more horrible shit along those lines just In General with those characters alone#and it was constantly dressed up in a veneer of ~healthy relationships uwu~ and in hindsight that's another reason#i have such an extremely strong reaction to 'no see this dynamic is good and home-grown organic wholesome and healthy uwu'#'[most abusive/bigoted/etc shit you have ever seen in your life]'#and why it is honestly such a fucking relief to be able to engage with a dynamic where the abuse is mask-off and openly Intended to Harm#just call me a slur and get it over with etc#anyway it's just. a Lot.#that person was a fucking nightmare and writing with them was a fucking nightmare#last i heard they were part of that fandom's resident anti crowd and mocking/harassing disabled people for dietary limitations lol#and i'm glad they're out of my life and that apparently i've got enough distance from them to be comfortable processing it through fiction
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No context but I got So distracted. I did not set out to do All That today. I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. It was all an impulse decision and I didn't even write down the second distraction because it was So Strong. In my mind. But then a second distraction hit my two braincells. I have no idea whwre I am anymore. I was just gonna whip up a shitpost doodle and then go back to my main project. I never even got to the shitpost doodle. 🧍
#okay fine full context. i was hit w a vision last night due to a pet peeve like No Hate but Damn#people will really just put any guy in this specific format. and obvs epic trans headcanons forever i have nothing but respect 🫡#but like. it just irked me and made me ask myself Well. who WOULD fit this format in my beautiful mind palace#who. in my mind. has LAYERS of lore surrounding my trans hc for him. who would fucking say that. some sort of mentor perhaps#and who would ASK him that. what would PROMPT that. under WHAT PLAUSIBLE CONDITIONS#esp i think bc the topic makes me so fucking dysphoric too i go insane and die 1000 deaths about it routinely#to the point where i straight up almost never talk about it. i refuse to even acknowledge it.#which is. i think why this got to me so much LMFAOOOOOO I'M. ANGRY. HOW DARE YOU HAVE FUN WHILE I'M DYING. BADLY.#in a way that i just could never allow myself to have fun w bc I Am Above It. you CANNOT get me. i'm WINNING.#takumi has too much pride so not him. moe has too much pride so not it either.#no.... this is. a job. for Bruno.......#and sharena my best friend sharena my sillie goofy about to jump to the most INSANE conclusion bestie sharena 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#but then. realization. i have to revisit my 'back in the day' designs for the askr sibs and ESP bruno.#and honestly i just needed to completely revamp him. okay. no probalm! 👍 i am revisiting my back in the day alfonse hcs#really Thinking about them. i doodle One Thing about how if alfonse wants to build any muscle#he needs proper nutrition. he is SCRAWNY. he is TWIGGY. he only has weight in his thighs abd really not as much as he shoulf#i get distractef. i am making a comic. anna is there. she is also a mentor. the comic is about learning life skills/food#I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS. I CAN'T FORGET. I NEED TO GO. GOODBYE#worte it down but alsp i got plans i gotta go for REAL. GOODGBEY
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tmi probably
my lunatic ass after telling my therapist "i have a thousand voices in my head all the time, and they tell me all the possibilities, so i deserve to know the future and i actually see it most of the times!" when he replies "not really. none of us can see it, you are just hyperactive and manic."
#ignore ignore ignore ignore go away#doc started talking about inpatient wards and emergency rooms like?? no. i'm never telling you anything ever again. how dare you.#i know he cares about my mental health. but like. i don't know. i feel like i'm being gutted out like a fish#i might throw up#like how dare you tell me i'm manic?#like. i know. i know! i can see it. i can tell.#i just. how do i put it into words. i just need to do the stuff i do and i need the voices to keep going. they just have to be less loud.#also because not all of them are bad!! some just don't make fucking sense.#“you know there are things we can do together that can help if you would just trust me and yourself” impossible.#i don't trust anyone. i have like a thousand voices in my head. which one is me? are they all me? trust is- no. not doing that.#and like yes yes i have to trust others and deep down a voice wants me to since i asked for help but?#i am so confused.#“saying no is something that can be learnt” also impossible.#i want a hug.#and a beer.#and#idk#cuddle pile#that's still hug territory?#oh i miss my mom. she gives the best hugs.#i can't ask a friend to hug me can i?#no but it's not even the same. like a friend's hug isn't the same. just doens't hit the same.#but like. i'd take it.#and also i wouldn't ask my mom for a hug either. they just happen.#she hugs me a lot. and i do hug her back too. love it#but like. it's been 15 years since i last asked for a hug? more maybe?#i don't think i ever did. not like. not after i stopped going to my parents every night until age 9 because of nightmares#yes i used to go to my parents every night until i was old as hell. i know kids stop at 6. i stopped at 9.#and like yeah someone should have guessed something was wrong with my relationship with sleep but
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okay wait actually instead of falling into their camp, she probably lands in some random spot in the shadow-cursed lands bc its connection to the feywild is currently all fucked up
makes her way to the last light inn because it seems like the best place to find more information -- the only spot that might have actual, living people, really. meets jaheira. "oh my gods it's jaheira, hiiiii jaheira i love your work"
immediately involves herself in their problems because she Just Can't Fucking Help Herself. she hears that some refugees got snatched up by cultists, and that's all she needs to know; point her in the general direction, and off she'll go
so symon and company rock up to moonrise towers and start exploring until they're stopped by some half-elf guard who's really insistent that they don't go beyond this door they're guarding and come into the room with them, and the party is secretly ready to come to blows over it bc hey, they need to do shit here, when the guard stops and just says "wait -- dad???"
opens the door, pulls off their helmet, says "oh, thank gods, i was sick of wearing this face." swipes a hand across their face, dispels their disguise, and there's a bloody little tiefling standing there instead
"i have been looking for you EVERYWHERE, what happened?? actually wait, let's talk about this later, there's more important business right now"
opens the door and there's a small pile of burned bodies that she's been trying to drag out of sight
"the people i'm looking for are a floor down but i was, um, a bit less discreet than i meant to be and i haven't been able to make my way down there yet. could use some help with this, if you've a moment to spare. either hiding or storming the rest of the castle, i'm not picky! :)"
#when they ask her how she heard abt the kidnapped tieflings#she says 'a very charming tiefling girl told me about them!'#they think she's talking about alfira but no. she means mol.#mol scoffed about how useless the adults have been and the assholes at the tower#and how mol's gotta focus on taking care of Her Kids#and amity went 'hmm. okay! how abt this: i'll kill every one of those bastards who dared to get in your way + the way of the kids' safety'#'and i will bring you their heads on pikes. how does that sound? would you like that? :)'#and thus a partnership was forged. tiefling solidarity forever.#amity tag#bg3 blogging#also she does Not have further protection from the shadows so i guess she just.#commits to taking the fucking necrotic damage.#Messages her mom#'hi mom no pressure but if i die of a curse you'll never be able to use me in your grand design :) just thought that was interesting :)'#coerces a blessing out of her mom for free#or more likely she gets help from her fey patron#hard for them to reach her there tho so it's not the strongest ward#also the door she's guarding might be the way to the kitchen#she made friends with the gnolls and killed the cultist in there for being an asshole#an impulse decision that she's now struggling to keep covered up#this is where/how you'd find amity if she was a companion
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