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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 5 months ago

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I've been listening to these Peacock and Gamble podcasts from many years ago, and Ray Peacock occasionally mentions how weird and/or upsetting it is when people contact him on social media as though they know him, which just seems wild to me, that people would do that. I mean, I get that listening to a podcast can make it starts to sort of, very subjectively, feel as though you know a person. But I thought, even 10 or 15 years ago when there was less common talk about "parasociality", that people did understand that is a subjective feeling and not reality. I am so scared of being mistaken for someone who does not understand this clear difference that it freaks me out to imagine ever being perceived by these comedians. How the fuck could someone message a guy on Facebook to do casual/over-familiar banter just because you heard him on a podcast?

I've signed up to his Pateron page because I wanted to hear/read the content on there (and because I figured a few dollars is the least I can do for the many hours of free and very good entertainment), and I'm really enjoying reading a lot of the blog posts as well as taking the valuable video and audio files, but it does mildly freak me out when I read the comments, and see people who seem to just be random people who've subscribed, not people he actually knows, commenting like it's a chat. It seemed so odd to realize I've bought my way into a place where you're allowed to just contact a performer that directly. I thought that was weird, until I realized that's all of Twitter and Instagram and Tik-Tok, where no one even has to pay to get in, literally anyone can send things directly to most celebrities any time through all of that. It just seems odd to me because I almost never go on any social media besides Tumblr/I'll occasionally lurk on Reddit. But there are so many of them where that happens and you're allowed to just ask famous people questions. What the fuck?

Anyway, this post isn't actually a rumination on the nature of performer/fan relationships. It's to say I got thinking about this, and this led me to think of how I'm going to Edinburgh in 6 weeks where I'll actually physically be in a room with these people and technically you could just up to them and ask them anything. And then I thought, of all the comedians I'm booked in to see in Edinburgh right now, if I could ask them each one question, what would it be?

(In case this isn't obvious from the first few paragraphs of this post, I'd like to clarify that this is a joke/hypothetical thought experiment, and I would not actually ask any of these people any of these questions in real life. Except maybe the David O'Doherty one. I have to try, right?)

Sara Pascoe: Did you name your best friend Scoopy in your Out of Your Mind sitcom after your Scoopy snowman from Taskmaster? Or did you name them both after someone else? I assume it’s the latter, so who was it?

Emma Sidi: Was anyone in Starstruck based on any real person? Just, you know, anyone? No one in particular. Maybe someone who’d played the same role in a different sitcom, for example. But no one in particular.

Kiri Pritchard-McLean: Is there any Amusical footage out there besides the clips I’ve managed to find on Flickr, and can I have it if I give you money?

Sophie Duker: Seriously, how the fuck were you so good at that tongue thing on Taskmaster? I know there’s an obvious joke here but I’m not even trying to make that joke, or any joke, I just genuinely want to know what happened?

Jordan Brookes: Have you found any drugs that work reliably well for reversing a worsening of OCD symptoms? Asking for a friend.

Nish Kumar: I have so many questions I would love to ask so very much, I can’t settle on any one, I'm getting overwhelmed by the effort to try to choose the most significant one so I've decided to bypass that and go with the least significant one instead, that happens to be on my mind because I’ve been going through recordings from Edinburgh in 2011-2013. Was part of the decision to name your thing with Tom Neenan Gentlemen of Leisure an intentional homage to Kitson’s Honourable Gentlemen of Art?

Marjolein Robertson: Is living on a remote Scottish island everything it’s cracked up to be, in all my most prevalent fantasies? Or would you possibly prefer it if I would to stop using that life, with its complex and I’m sure often difficult realities, as the go-to reference for the best thing to run away to?

David O’Doherty: Please, David. Please. Tell me you remember the cow. Please say you have an answer. Why did you do that to the cow?

Chris Cantrill: So, I was saying recently that all comedy double acts end with one member getting significantly more successful and the other having a breakdown. I think The Delightful Sausage probably has plenty of time left – I certainly hope it does – but I think we now know who’s going to play which role when their ending finally happens. So given that, have you put any thought into what you want to be the main tenants of your breakdown?

Mark Silcox: Hey, how’s it going? [or any other generic question, I just want to hear him speak while not in character because I want to know how that sounds in real life]

Zoe Coombs Marr: Want to name any names of comedians on whom you based the character Dave?

Greg Larsen: Okay, what did Slurp’s Up actually mean?

Dan Rath: What percentage of it is real? You doing okay, man?

Eleanor Morton: How did you get the character in Great Title, Glamorous Photo so perfect? I would honestly read 20,000-word essay or listen to whole podcast of you just explaining where that character came from, who inspired her, how you developed her, how long it took. It’s so wildly accurate, portrayed with such a pitch-perfect mix of frustration and sympathy, when did you first decide on it?

Laura Davis: Do you really spend as much time wandering poetically through the woods as it seems like you do from your shows? You’re so cool, can we be friends?

Tom Ballard: The climate change stuff, and the running thread about people laughing and regretting it later – it was in your show at JFL in 2023, and in Edinburgh in 2023, and it was not in the filmed version that turned up on YouTube in early 2024. Did you cut those bits from your show, or did they get performed but cut from the recording? In either case, why? It was so funny.

Harriet Kemsley: On panel shows, what percentage of the time are you pretending not to know what’s going on, and what percentage do you not know what’s going on?

Ed Night: Could you please take your sketches with Paddy Young and put them in a nice easy YouTube playlist that I can follow, so I don’t have to go to fucking Tik-Tok just for you?

Huge Davies: Do you think cynically exploiting something as seedy as people writing pornographic stories about your more successful friends is the only way to try to go viral on two separate podcasts? Or just the easiest?

Seymour Mace: What is clowning? And why is clowning?

Mark Watson: Okay, seriously, why the Welsh thing? And I know you’ve answered this before, I’ve heard your explanation several times, but it’s not enough. Just wanting to try a different voice doesn’t explain why you committed to it so hard, why you were telling stories about growing up in Wales as late as, like, 2007, when you’d have had a Wikipedia page and people knew full well you weren’t Welsh. Can you give me any explanation that makes that make any kind of sense? And if not, if it really was as nonsensical a choice as it seems, why have you never written a sitcom about two friends in a university comedy troupe who are both trying to hide the secrets that one’s not really Welsh and one’s not really a student? That’s not even a joke, I am genuinely baffled as to why no one has tried mining those stories for comedy. Seriously, has it ever been considered? And if not, why on Earth not?

Jonny & the Baptists: Any tips for finding the perfect partner in life? Also, is running away to live in Scotland all it’s cracked up to be, in all my most prevalent fantasies?

Susie McCabe: Was New World Order as cool a TV show as it seemed? I get the impression that with most TV shows like that – panel shows or other light entertainment stuff (not that anyone could call New World Order light) – if you wait twenty or thirty years so that people can discuss it as ancient history rather than something where they have to be polite because there will be immediate consequences to their words, most people in a show’s cast and crew, particularly anyone who’s not a straight white cis abled man, will say working there was shit and full of barriers and all kinds of things like that. I get the impression that New World Order may have been an exception, I think largely because you give off such a strong impression as person who wouldn’t just bite the bullet and appear on a show that was bad like that. Is that true?

Guy Williams: What do people in Mexico say when it’s Christmas time?

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forcebookish · 1 year ago

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Hi! I just want to say that you seem really cool and I agree with a lot of your takes on only friends so far and I’m quite grateful for them (as a forcebook & topmew truther😅). There have been some things I realised that have relatively gone unnoticed by a lot of viewers that I feel like sharing if you don’t mind and I’m curious about your thoughts on them.

I came across one of your posts about how Mew is actually not done with Boston yet after EP7, and I agree but I’m nervous about it. After Mew let Boston off easily in EP7, I was thinking “that felt like a pre-game to me😅”. Book also said that Mew was going to support Nick with something in one of the interviews. I don’t think the talk they had in EP7 counts, but the way the convo was set up was actually interesting to me.

My theory is that Mew and Nick knew each other way before than what the show presented us with (in EP3). That meeting they had in EP7 - it looked like Mew was the one who arranged it, which is kind of strange? In EP1, Boston gave Mew’s number to Nick for his phone number. There has not been any scene that has revealed Mew has Nick’s contact info (unless it’s a given since Nick works for them for the CCTV and stuff). When Nick and Mew were introduced to each other in EP3 by Chueam, she only said Nick was in charge of CCTV (she didn’t mention audio recording…). But Mew started off the convo with “Nick. I knew you were the one who recorded that audio clip…” - How does Mew know?

Someone on TikTok mentioned in the TopMew ice cream scene in EP1, Mew was so oddly specific about what he would (theoretically) do if he fell in love and got heartbroken - he would stalk his instagram, check his messages, listen to sad songs and cry. Initially I was like yeah that’s a textbook romance troupe. But oddly that was what Nick did. The way Mew said those things with certainty, could be based off someone’s experience🤷🏻‍♀️?

I also want to point out in the beginning and ending of EP5, there were a lot drawings - which could be from Nick, since he majors in animation and visual design. Someone else theorized that Nick was probably watching the friend group from the sidelines for a long time, given that Nick mentioned he was ostracized often when he was younger. This is where I think it might lead into the next phase of Mew’s revenge against Boston.

Nick is likely doing a project at his internship company - which is doing CG work for a film production company. Imagine if Mew is feeding him information about the friend group - which leads to something similar to Lexi’s play in Euphoria? I’m also curious if that’s how we’re going to find out how this friend group got together in the first place. The way Mew can still have a similar psychological warfare on Boston and expose his misdeeds, but with something that’s not illegal or explicit like Boston’s tape. I can be wrong but this is something I had in mind.

intriiiiguing🤔

hmmm, i'd just assumed that mew found out from ray who the recording came from since sand told him nick recorded it - although going back through it doesn't actually come up in their scenes together🤔 and the wording here makes it seem like he figured it out, rather than was told...

but he could be bluffing to protect ray? he is kind of coaxing/lying throughout this scene. or it could be a translation quirk, idk.

whether nick's been watching the gang or not is probably not as straightforward as that, although it does seem like perhaps he recognized boston from school:

it IS interesting to note that nick and mew had each other's phone numbers before officially meeting and might have kept in contact. there are a lot of interactions we don't see, so mew's comment about nick being nice could just be from them chatting while working on the project so 🤷‍♀️ however, i do believe that mew's comments about how he'd be "so into" top are more coming from personal experience and, you know, he is flirting lol so i wouldn't read too much into it.

i never put much thought to the opening/ending drawings in episode five, i kind of just figured it was one of the unique styles for individual episodes but there has been a lot of importance put on visual art throughout the show so🤔 i hAVE had a feeling that nick's animation subplot would have something to do with the rest of the gang or mew's revenge, especially if it's to avoid actually releasing revenge porn. (i haven't seen euphoria, but i'm assuming it's a play based on the real events of the group of friends?) although with how nick seems to still be trying to stay with boston, idk... unless they have another falling out? hm.

the last two episodes of mew spiraling out and even skipping classes have made me question if he really does have something more in store for boston, since it seems like he'd postpone revenge so he could stay an honor student but... i could also see why he'd get sidetracked by the actual heartbreak too.

i am actually extremely uncool but i'm happy you're here and enjoying my blog, anon!🥰 verrrry interesting ideas, thanks for sharing!💗💗

#ofs liveblog #anonymous #asked and answered #my caps

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letstalkaboutit24 · 2 years ago

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This is what I heard and some of what I saw from the actual evidence present in court and streamed on YT.:

1. Tory himself stated that Kelsey didn't shoot Meg off of his account. -If only Tory and Kelsey had gun residue on them, there was no other gun around, the gun was found and was warm/hot to the touch and was found under the seat Tory was sitting at.

Even if we use the logic of, Oh Tory was trying to get the gun from Kelsey and shot the gun to empty the bullets in the air. As he himself stated Kelsey didn't do it, and he is recklessly emptying the clip. Though unintentional/intentional discharging could definitely change the course/direction/sentencing of the case, the fact of the matter is Megan was shot. That fact doesn't change.

Also, Discharging the firearm in the air is still extremely dangerous, like I don't understand why adults don't understand gravity. It's not like the bullet will just start floating. It obviously has to come down. And for the people trying to counter about statistics and how many times that has happened where someone has gotten hurt. The fact of the matter is. IT HAS HAPPENED. Google is a thing, just look it up. It's reckless and someone engaging in that behavior obviously. doesn't need to be carrying.... or procreating. No one should feel fearful and confined to their house because some idiot wants to recklessly shoot in air.

2. Tory called Kelsey while she was IN THE HOSPITAL waiting and Kelsey was aware that Megan had to get surgery [aware that she was indeed shot] and he was stating that he was sorry and that it was the fault of the liquor etc. etc.

3. Kelsey Text to bodyguard that Tory shot Megan. 4. The Audio of people calling to police.

5. The gunshots that were caught on audio where was no long pause in-between the shots that could have implied not even just a switching of hands but a full-on struggle. Wasn’t it stated that he had to wrestle the gun from her? (Legit question)

At first people wanted to claim that Megan was never shot at all, and then when it was proven she was indeed shot, now people are debating over who shot her. But if only Tory and Kelsey had gun residue on them, and there is no other gun in the vicinity or vehicle, and Tory himself stated Kelsey didn't shoot, where did the bullet come from? Space?

If you were one of the people who are still hesitating because you feel as if you would like more in depth evidence before coming to a conclusion, that's fine. You should want to be able to see the evidence for yourself and making an educational and informed conclusion. That's completely normal and more people should do that. But for the people antagonizing, demonizing and demeaning Megan and mocking her trauma or appearance, and even encouraging her to harm herself are just plain evil.

This woman is by herself. She does not have her mother or grandmother, or family that she would be able to lean on in this situation. These are the same people yelling "protect black women." or "listen to/believe black women" but are persecuting her over what SHE experienced. because the fact of the matter is she was shot. There are police reports, medical reports (x-rays), videos and pictures corroborating that. And what makes it even worse is that many women already emphasize that they do not feel protected, loved, treasured, or respected (treated like a human being) as a woman by men in the community, who are aware that people will gaslight them for feeling that way instead of trying to make a difference and help people heal. . But these same women who know this are online refusing to even try to see things in her perspective or use common sense.

People have all this condemnation and vitriol against her, the victim that was shot, rather than the two people that were thought to have shot her. If two men were suspected of raping and killing a woman, if it was proven that these two were the last to see her, everything points to one of the killers. Would you then go and start critiquing the deceased about their personality or drinking habits?

Or let me use an example that more people seem care about, if it was a black MAN instead of a black woman. Let's say a black man got into a disagreement with two police officers and the two police officers are suspected of shooting an unarmed black man 15 times, and either he's injured, deceased etc, and the question is not IF he got shot but between the two officers WHO has shot him. You would see damn near the entire community basically calling to prosecute them both, raging against their families, marching etc. Not go on about how many records the black man got, any history of violence, if he drinks/smokes, who all he has slept with, if he is active in his kid's life, his social media posts, any altercation or disagreement he’s had with friends, his appearance or stature, if his height intimidated the officers, etc.

I've seen cases in where when two people were present and if it seems like the two people are either trying to intentionally hinder/obstruct the investigation, they will just nab them BOTH. Like why are people not getting this??

Because honestly both Tory and Kelsey could have gotten charged. the prosecutors suspected Tory specifically, that's why they gave Kelsey immunity (so she would speak out everything without worrying about repercussions), because prosecutors were sure it was Tory specifically, otherwise as both of them had gun residue on them and they were at the time contradicting, prosecutors could have potentially got both of them convicted anyway.

****The thing about immunity is that if you have immunity, meaning you agreed with prosecutors that you would go over certain things and you don't or plead the 5th, it could potentially lead to immunity being revoked since you essentially playing in their faces..****

If on that phone call Tory was apologizing referencing the cheating on Kelsey with Megan, why would he be saying that MEGAN, the woman he was supposedly cheating with, won't forgive him TO THE WOMAN HE WAS SUPPOSEDLY CHEATING ON. This really makes me feel like Tory and Kelsey was never together because even in that call she didn't mention anything about the 'cheating'. You could say 'oh this wouldn't have been the time to address it as Megan was in hospital; but it also wasn't the time to be speaking and giving out the hospital location to the man that shot her. If you were being cheated on, and the person that cheated on. Where is the logic in this? I would immediately have an issue/address it. Like I feel the idea of cheating was introduced to discredit Megan's character (Just my feeling/obviously have no personal knowledge of these people personal lives/literally going off case details/evidence and common sense), even though this has no bearing on the fact that she was shot. Even if she was the evilest person in the world, at the end of the day, she was shot, and gun residue was only on Tory and Kelsey.

Also, gun was not registered so illegal possession of unregistered firearm and Tory was already a convicted felon, right? so he shouldn't have been touching a gun anyways. I feel this needs to actually be stricter all the way around. It's too many convicted felons out here with guns. If you get out whether its on probation or for good, and you still doing illegal activity shoooo at this point give them life, since they obviously don't learn. People really out here walking around entitled and feeling untouchable. Giving more grace and curtesy to literal criminals and repeat offenders, who can just brush off their behavior due to how harrrdd their life was, they're a target this-target that, and how they have changed sooo much, only to do the same ish. Doing everything but taking accountability. .Be taking plea deals and shit, but once they out, they do the same ish.

And for the so-called men out there. I don't know how they can celebrate an unarmed woman getting shot and still consider themselves men, especially the men in the community.

They want to cry about no one LETTING them be men or the head of the household. First of all, no one should have to LET you be a man, that's what you already supposed to be. No one is perfect that is true. But if you want the responsibility, respect and praise that comes with being a leader, the first step is accountability and the second is actively working towards being better, to make sure you even fit that title. Wrong is wrong/right is right. Secondly, you complain about providing and for sure don't protect anything. There is nothing manly about trolling and celebrating a woman getting hurt and proceeding to gaslight and pick her apart after she has been hurt. This is not an Amber Heard situation in which you have to play where's waldo to locate any type of grievous bruise, Megan has evidence that she was shot and there was gun residue on two of the suspected shooters. I wouldn't feel protected or secure in a relationship with a man that I see is doing all of this degenerate behavior. How could I trust you with my wellbeing and the wellbeing of any children we might have. I would literally file a restraining order and get concealed carry (Y'know...legally). Those are dangerous individuals not only do not want to protect women, black women, but they also feel that black women are not deserving of protection, love and respect from not only them but any other man. They want to tear you down so that you are so self-conscious that you remain that come-up queen, fallback, ride or die, anything other than a wife to them, while they date outside their ethnicity and when they see that the grass is not greener on the other side; they want you as a backup option. Women should never let a man degrade them or feel comfortable being witness to a man degrading another woman unprovoked and undeserved. They hate themselves so much that they cannot bear the thought of women they consider to be lesser than themselves thriving and being loved. They want you to believe that you have no other option, that no one else will love you.

I actually like both Megan and Tory's songs, they are very talented artists, and I'm not heavily invested in their personal lives, but facts are facts. Their career and level of artistry have nothing to do with this.

But the sheer savagery and inhumane behavior I've been seeing on the internet is appalling.

The way you should show love to your loved ones is to hold them accountable for their actions, that is the only way that they could grow as people and keep out of situations like this or even worse. You show care by wanting your loved ones thrive and become invaluable. This should ring true especially to the people who claim to be religious.

#america #this is america #megan thee stallion #tory lanez

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isgcd · 3 years ago

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GORILLAZ SENTENCE STARTERZ .

non - music gorillaz sentence starters, taken from various audio / film clips and interviews.

‘ freedom is in your noggin. once you understand that, you have the mental strength to endure anything. ’

‘ i reckon you’ll go far, if you ever manage to pay off those crippling loans. ‘

‘ what happens in the past stays in the past. that’s my motto. ‘

‘ it’s a philosophy that helps me remain in the moment while giving me licence to behave exactly as i like without having to worry about guilt or regret. ‘

‘ oh, i know. i’m down with the kids. don’t worry. ‘

‘ ___ is such a poser. ‘

‘ beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy. ‘

‘ i like blue and i like green. mix it together you get turquoise. ‘

‘ some people are born great, and some have greatness thrust inside them. ‘

‘ don’t worry, we can hang out in my room, i still haven’t finished that jigsaw. ‘

‘ the wrinkles on my face are laughter lines. ‘

‘ nothing is that funny. ‘

‘ if you touch my leg one more time, i will call the cops. ‘

‘ there’re a million possible futures out there. question is, which one do you wanna pick ? ‘

‘ you wouldn’t believe the bribes i get, either. ‘

‘ hold on, what was the bit about ice hockey ? i definitely heard ice hockey. ‘

‘ sounds like something ___ might have said when he’s had too many twisters. ‘

‘ i punched him for saying that. ‘

‘ sod off, you old goth. ‘

‘ snobs look down on people, and i look down on everyone. not in a snooty, classist way, i mean because i’m better than everyone. ‘

‘ i don’t give a shit about good manners. although it does piss me off when people slurp soup. ‘

‘ i’m a feminist now. ‘

‘ our paths entwine, then separate– like a messed - up pretzel. ‘

‘ i was in a relationship with six other people, that’s my problem with her, you know ? ‘

‘ why don’t you jump in next to me and feel the quality of these sheets ?

‘ whales ! they’re enormous too big ! ‘

‘ go away. go on. sod off. ‘

‘ do you wanna come and watch a zombie film ? ‘

‘ i just got a blu - ray of evil dead. ‘

‘ i love cats. they’re always the first to spot ghosts in horror movies. ‘

‘ i don’t think i’ve learned anything. and that is a lesson itself. ‘

‘ fear was one of the biggest emotions. and frustration. ‘

‘ look, i’ve got two cups of orange juice in my hand. ‘

‘ he begged me to take him on. ‘

‘ they did give me substance. or substances. i’m not sure. ‘

‘ who the hell are you ? how did you get my number ? ‘

‘ my gaff, my rules ! ‘

‘ i like to shop under pressure. ‘

‘ how much longer are this warm - up band going to hold the stage for ? ‘

‘ look up ___ in the dictionary, it says ‘ungrateful wanker’. ‘

‘ i don’t think people should be forced to do anything. ‘

‘ afterwards he said i was a good listener, and not like all the other girls. we hugged, exchanged numbers, and i left. he never called. ‘

‘ if you don’t know, a sharknado is a phenomenon where a tornado sucks up a shoal of killer sharks, then spins across the land eating and destroying everything in its path. ‘

‘ luckily they’re quite rare. ‘

#rp memes #roleplay memes #gorillaz memes #gorillaz rp #sentence starters

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prurientpuddlejumper · 3 years ago

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Don’t Look! [Part 4]

<- Part 3 | Part 5 ->

Frederick Chilton x Reader

@we-are-all-just-a-bit-crazy’s lovecraftian horror AU, with a bit of my own twist on the origin story. Emotional hurt/comfort. Body horror. Hugging your body-horror monster boyfriend.

3,386 words

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had everything: great wealth (built on the backs of exploited workers), a grand estate, a beautiful wife, and many mistresses waiting in the wings. Yet after years of trying, he failed to produce an heir. Determined that his money could buy anything, the man scoured the world, searching for a solution. One day, his extensive resources brought him to an ancient castle in Lithuania, where the last descendants of a noble bloodline offered him a devil’s bargain—a book, a summoning ritual. He did not ask questions. His wife was finally with child.

The Chilton legacy was secure.

The moment Frederick was born, the life was sucked from his mother—a human sacrifice for his soul crossing into this world. That was what his father told him, at least. Frederick had no memory of clawing his way through the veil between worlds, of being anything other than an ordinary child with a distant father, a young, blonde stepmother, and nannies instead of friends. Until the changes began. Allison (or was it Kayla at the time?) fainted in the living room when he staggered in, screaming as smoke boiled from his skin, begging for help. His father only wrinkled his nose with disgust and calmly explained what he was.

“You must learn to hide this, Frederick. Never let anyone see you this way, or it will destroy the family name.”

And so, he learned the transformation’s schedule. Prepared for it. Knew how to hide it away and never let anyone get close enough to see the real him. But it wasn’t good enough. Try as he might, nothing Frederick ever did met his father’s expectations for the perfect son he had gone through so much trouble to produce.

Frederick grew into a bitter and lonely man with no one to care about, or who cared about him. He kept the world at a distance, hiding his shame behind expensive suits and lavish decoration.

Never once did he consider that he was not alone in this world at all.

***

I see him as one of those pitiful things sometimes born in hospitals. They feed it, keep it warm, but they don’t put it on the machines. They let it die. But he doesn’t die. He looks normal. Nobody can tell what he is.

This is how Will Graham describes the Chesapeake Ripper.

Every therapy session with Graham, every conversation overhead, the puzzle became clearer. At first, Chilton merely believed that Dr. Lecter was guilty of unethical practices—manipulating Mr. Graham in the same way he had manipulated Gideon. He felt such kinship with Hannibal. Learning a bit of dirt on him brought the ever-so-superior doctor down to his level, gave him something to lord over him—a little implied blackmail to strengthen their friendship.

They both had secrets to hide.

Dr. Chilton never would have guessed the final puzzle piece to convince him fully that Hannibal was the Chesapeake Ripper would be the one everyone else laughed at.

“I brought you here to bear witness,” Graham said to Gideon through their adjoining cells.

“To tell Jack Crawford that I sat in Hannibal Lecter’s cobalt blue dining room? An ostentatious herb garden, Leda and the Swan over the fireplace. And you, having a fit in the corner.”

Chilton perked up and quickly shared the audio feed to one of the junior therapists assisting him. You were reliable at editing his audio files, clipping and exporting segments he wanted to keep, but he was avoiding you at the moment. This was proof—irrefutable proof that Gideon had met Hannibal Lecter the night he went searching for the Ripper.

After his conversation with Graham concluded, an assistant was sent down to coax more information from him while Chilton’s research team listened in, keenly taking notes.

Gideon was not finished dropping bombshells.

With a casual lilt to his voice as if talking to a friend over dinner, he began to describe the Chesapeake Ripper. Skin like volcanic ash, reflecting no light. A red glow to his eyes. Black claws as long as steak knives. Antlers breaking through the inside of his skull, punching through the skin. All black as night—a form that shifted in the shadows, ever tricking the eye, unwilling to be known.

He’s the Devil, Mr. Graham. He’s smoke.

“Great. Gideon is delusional,” one therapist snorted. “On the bright side, this completely undercuts his malpractice case against you.” She patted Chilton’s shoulder. Chilton flinched.

“We should start him on antipsychotics. What do you think? Doctor?”

Chilton’s face turned ashen white. “Y-yes, certainly,” he muttered, staggering to his feet.

He moved for the door, but crumbled halfway there, pain ripping through his leg as sharp thorns grew beneath the skin. It was daylight. No. No! The transformation should not be starting for hours—he had plenty of time! He gasped out as another shock tore through him, barely containing a cry. His body convulsed.

“Doctor!” A therapist and a guard rushed in to help him to his feet. “Where does it hurt? If this is a complication from your surgery, we need to get you into intensive care right away.”

“No,” he brushed them off. “Only… psychosomatic. I need to— ah!” He gritted his teeth, mind racing to the one person he did not want to turn to, but the only one he could, and barked, “Get my secretary!”

***

Smoke was rising off of his burning skin by the time you rushed into Chilton’s vacated office. His eyes were wide with panic, but greeted you when you entered with—not relief, perhaps, because he was every bit as terrified as before, but with the anticipation of being rescued. His eyes pleaded.

“H-help. I cannot make it stop.”

You managed to get him into your car. The sun’s orange rays seemed to chase the beast away, clearing his skin and stopping his wracking convulsions long enough to cross the employee parking lot without drawing stares. He insisted on taking the back seat so he could hide—and to put more distance between you in case he lost control.

His chest rose and fell like a rabbit in a cat’s mouth.

“The way he described Dr. Lecter—anyone would think it was a metaphor! That he was crazy!” Chilton’s breath was raspy as you drove, glancing back at him through the rearview mirror. He kept trembling, small patches of scaly skin appearing at random then swirling back inside. One pupil was a pinprick. His tongue occasionally became serpentine and got in the way as he frantically spoke. “But it was too specific, the details. Familiar. I always knew there was a connection between Dr. Lecter and me—a reason we were friends. It all makes sense now!”

“Hey, it’s OK,” you said, trying to sound soothing, though you had no idea what he was talking about.

“Don’t you understand? Lecter is like me!”

“That’s good, isn’t it? That means you’re not alone.”

“Hannibal Lecter is the Chesapeake Ripper!” he shouted, and a spine tore through a seat cushion. “A cannibal, if Will Graham is to be believed, and loathe as I am to admit it, Graham is an excellent profiler. If the Ripper and I are the same… then that means I—”

“You are nothing like that!” Forgetting the damage his demonic tantrum was doing to your faux-leather interior, you had faith in him. He was a little withdrawn and more than a little vain, and it had garnered him an icy reputation around the hospital, but now you understood why. He wasn’t evil or malicious. He was frightened.

“God help me,” he murmured.

***

As soon as the garage door closed behind you, he scrambled from the car (scratching the handle), and retreated inside. He didn’t invite you to follow him home. But he didn’t forbid it, either, and you wanted to be there. All you had were panic-scrambled memories from the first time that made his transformation worse in hindsight than it was. Or maybe better. You didn’t know, and you wouldn’t know until you saw it again with clear eyes.

The electric kettle rumbled on its stand, hissing steam as you searched through Frederick Chilton’s surprisingly extensive tea collection for something herbal and soothing. Chamomile, you thought. With honey. Surely that must be good for demon-monster-werewolf things?

The sun was about to set and he was still reeling over Hannibal, and just as much from the premature transformation the revelation had triggered. And every time he cried, “This is not possible. How can this be possible?” the next convulsion was more intense.

He would probably just burn himself on tea.

A painful whimper came from somewhere in the house, and you followed it to a tiny panic room that opened behind a bookshelf. It was only about seven by nine feet with concrete walls and floors, bare except for deep scratches of varying age, like an animal trying to escape. The few chairs inside were metal. Difficult to break. Frederick faced away from you, staring at a hand that was too large for the rest of his body, capped with long black claws.

“Oh no, this will not do at all,” you tutted, shaking your head at the barren space. “How about I bring in some blankets? Let’s get you comfortable.”

His whole body shook. “You should go.”

“No. No way, not after seeing this prison cell. I am not leaving you like this.”

“I do not want to hurt you.” His shoulder jerked. A spike tore through his shirt.

“You won’t.”

“Seeing it again… will not be therapeutic for you,” he hissed, another spike breaking through. “Go before it is too late.”

“No!”

“Damn it! I am a monster—there is proof of that now! The FBI has no idea what it is dealing with!” Chilton began to pace the small cell, thoughts racing, features morphing into something grotesque and alien. “Does Hannibal know about me? Can he sense it? Is that why he confided in me? I always thought it was professional respect—hah! God, what if he…” A painful convulsion halted his pacing and brought him to one knee, gripping his side. His attention snapped back to you. “This is… dangerous,” he warned, then hacked violently. Fleshy, snake-like projections spewed from his mouth, and he quickly turned away again, hiding his face. “You should… you should be nowhere near all of this! You should not be here! Why did I let you inside?!”

A roar of anguish ripped through the air with enough force to push you back through the panic room door, just in time to avoid being impaled on half a dozen spines as they shot from Chilton’s body like lances. Chips of concrete clattered to the ground as they penetrated the walls. He screamed again, writhing to get free, but found himself trapped by his own violent transformation. Like an animal, he struggled and clawed at himself as if his rational mind had been overtaken by raw, volatile emotion.

“Take it easy. You’re going to hurt yourself,” you tried to calm him, but you couldn’t stop your voice from shaking.

This was worse than last time. You were sure his spines weren’t half as long when you saw him in his office—even Chilton seemed surprised to be pinned.

You lifted your hands, palms toward him in a steadying gesture, and took a step back into the concrete room.

“Stay back!” he howled, thrashing. “Get away!”

It was tempting. Every muscle in your body wanted to follow his advice and run far away from the indescribable horror before you. But his eyes were still green. Were still terrified. And you had an inkling of why it was worse this time. Maybe he would hate you later for imposing, but it seemed more important right now not to leave him feeling… like a monster.

“It’s OK.” You took another step closer.

“No!”

“You’re not going to hurt me. I trust you. Shh, shh… I’m not afraid, see?”

Rigid spines sprayed from his back and shoulders in a 180-degree arc, leaving only his front accessible. You ducked under one and followed its trajectory to where it met the wall. It wasn’t just pinned by pressure—it had struck the wall with enough force to dig into it like an iron rod. Sawing through might be the only option for getting him unstuck. You wondered if that would hurt. Were there nerves in his spines? You stepped over the next one as you drew nearer.

“You should be afraid! I am just like him!” Chilton tried to turn his head away as you traversed his network of thorns and stood in front of him.

His face was almost entirely inhuman. Tentacles cascaded down from where a nose should have been, and when he opened his mouth in a snarl, they parted like wriggling eels—each with a life of its own—to reveal a jaw that split his face open vertically, crowded with rows of sharp white teeth. The more agitated Chilton became, the more dramatic the effect. Each time he spoke, you caught a flash of teeth that sent shivers racing down your spine. But you continued to move closer anyway, within snapping range.

“Hannibal and I… we are the same. Please—I do not want to become him. Do not let me hurt you!”

“You are not the same. You’re not a killer.”

Chilton let out a choking cry that was all too human. “I killed that nurse,” he said. Concrete groaned as his spines grew longer. A crooked horn sprouted from his head. “I killed Elizabeth Shell.”

“You… you didn’t kill her.”

His breath quickened again. Tentacles sprouted and died and resprouted from his face in a constant fevered motion. “I knew Gideon would kill! I lowered security! I knew what would happen—what I needed to happen to prove that he was the Ripper! I may as well have plucked her eyes out with my own hands and… and feasted on her organs. God… I am the Ripper,” he wailed.

“No…” It never occurred to you that Dr. Chilton would have done such a thing knowingly. Maybe there was something dark inside him that this creature was reflecting. It hurt to acknowledge, and yet maybe you both needed to. “You made a mistake. You did a bad thing, but… Gideon was already a killer. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I drove him to it, manipulated him… I am just as responsible as he is. I am a monster.”

“A monster wouldn’t feel this guilty! You made a mistake, but you won’t make it again, will you?”

Tentacles and spines stopped sprouting. His form stabilized as his wet eyes looked off thoughtfully. He seemed so pathetic… so innocent, almost. Despite the intimating spines and claws that added danger and height to his appearance, his body had the same mass—leaving his frame gaunt and frail, with ribs sticking out prominently. Hollow.

You wanted to protect him.

You knew that was your job at BSHCI. You knew that was why Dr. Chilton suddenly needed a personal secretary when he never had before. Someone to sit outside his door, take his calls, and warn him when visitors wanted to see him. You’d never met the doctor before he was attacked by one of his patients, but you recognized the signs of trauma—the way he flinched easily, avoided contact at first, then the way he clung to you when you earned his trust. The awkward little smiles. The way his cheeks turned bright red when his fingers brushed yours as you delivered his coffee. You couldn’t help feeling protective. Falling in love, even.

Though it was closed for the moment, his mouth was a dangerous black hole with alien arms ready to pull prey inside. It seemed impossible to get close without being dragged into its teeth by instinct. You couldn’t imagine putting your face anywhere near it.

Another step, and your forehead touched his.

“I... I do not want to hurt you,” he pleaded.

“You won’t.”

You leaned into his arms, a hand reaching up to stroke the side of his face. It was covered in fine scales that glistened as if they should be slimy, but were smooth to the touch, like a snake. Sharper thorns sprouting from his skin seemed to retreat before your caress.

He trembled with inner turmoil, hot breath puffing against your chin. Your eyes darted toward the motion of one of his claws rising behind you, and all you could focus on were the way each sharp talon caught the light. You couldn’t be sure what he was thinking—if he was going to return your embrace, or prove to you that he was a monster. Would he slash you just to drive you away?

“I smell your fear,” his voice hissed accusingly.

For some reason, of all the reactions you could have had, you started to laugh. It was nervous and tight at first, but then building in confidence at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“You’ve got giant claws! Of course I’m afraid! But I’m not running, am I?”

You slid your hand from his cheek and trailed it over his bony neck and the ridges and spines of his shoulders, finding a path for your arms to twine around him. Cuddling closer, you nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hardly bothered by the writhing tentacles that draped down over you.

“I know you would never hurt me. You’re just going to have to keep showing me there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Shuddering, he breathed in your scent. All his senses were heightened by this form, and he was surrounded by you—your pheromones, your electric field, the radiant heat of your skin. It was like sinking into a warm bath with a glass of fine wine in his hand. He opened his palm and let his predator’s hand sweep harmlessly down your back, holding you close. He could sense the fluttering of your heart in his embrace. It was slower than a creature in terror—slowing the longer he held you. You were not afraid. And he could not imagine hurting you. Whatever he had been worried might happen, whatever awful things he might be capable of, he could never imagine hurting you. You were right. You didn’t have anything to fear.

He exhaled a long, steady breath of surrender. The long spines retracted, pulling out of the walls as they returned to their usual size. He could move again, but didn’t. Not for a long time.

“It’s OK. It’s OK,” you sighed. The scent of your hair was intoxicating.

Eventually, you had to part. Chilton’s eyes darted away as you did—the inky scales on his face emitted a soft bluish starlight, which you were certain was blushing. You could not coax him to leave his concrete prison cell, but he told you where to find some blankets he could live with damaging—linen closet, second floor, third door on the right—and let you make a cozy nest on the bare floors. You made tea, and only cringed a little at his attempts to drink it. It was late, then. You were sleepy, and he was exhausted. Emotionally drained. His mind still raced over everything, still not certain of your presence and inexplicable kindness. You sat in the pile of blankets and had him rest his head in your lap.

“Give me your hand,” you asked, extending yours.

A clawed, scaly hand slid tentatively along the floor. You took it. Held it gently, first observing the long talons protruding like daggers from each finger before slotting yours between them—nothing sharp there. You let out a long sigh and leaned back against the concrete wall. His breath hitched.

He’d never had his hand held in this form, you assumed.

He’d never had his hand held at all, in fact. Not in many years.

It had to be a trap, he thought. No one had ever loved him before. No one could—not like this. Yet, as he fell asleep to your fingers massaging his temple and the soft murmuring of your voice, he let himself believe it. You were always there, protecting him. Smiling at him in the morning.

When you woke up, Frederick was human again, still fast asleep in your arms.

#Frederick Chilton x reader #my writing

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nerdified · 4 years ago

Text

Procedural Notes: Patient #3 (FKA Hugo Jensen)

NOTE: [At the time of this audio recording, Mr. Hugo Jensen (NKA Norville Nerdlinger) has just begun the process, and is restrained. The identity of the speaker is unknown. This transcript is reproduced here in order to assist with identification of this man, who has since disappeared, absconding with an undisclosed amount of the process agonist. Efforts to locate him have, to date, been fruitless. If anyone knows anything about this man or his whereabouts, please report the information to Central Command.]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Quiet, now. It’s no use struggling.

I’m not going to hurt you. Quite the opposite.

I see that look in your eyes, like you don’t think I could hurt you. You’re probably right. I’m not much of a fighter. But I know what you think of me, and other guys like me. I’ve been listening to you on the phone, you know. Hacked your telecommunications. What was it that you called me, on that call with the client yesterday?

Oh, yes, I remember. A walking pocket protector. I’ll admit, that was a new one for me. I’ve had “pencil-neck” and “four-eyes” and the good old-fashioned “nerd” lobbed at me before, but “walking pocket-protector”… Heck, it’s got a little poetry to it!

Shh. I know, it feels strange. It’s a little unsettling, at first, I’ll agree. But you’ll get used to it. It’ll go easier for you if you just relax and quit fighting it. In time, you’ll even begin to like it.

I’m sorry about the gag. Unfortunately, it’s just the beginning of the process, so I have to leave it in for…twenty-three more minutes, at least, if my calculations are correct.

Ha! Who am I kidding – my calculations are always correct.

I can see from your eyes that you hate my guts right now. That, too, will change.

You see, what’s about to happen to you isn’t out of the ordinary, or even very noteworthy. As far as I can tell, it happens to a lot of guys, especially those that zip through their twenties and then hit that speed bump called thirty, bank accounts empty and career opportunities shot. Those of us who didn’t win the genetic lottery couldn’t get by just on our looks and our charisma, like you did.

I remember how it felt when I was in high school, and guys like you were all A+ students and perfect jocks, too… gosh, it’s enough to make me swear.

But no. You couldn’t leave well enough alone. You couldn’t just be a jock, be good at sports, and leave the academics to the rest of us. We didn’t ask for much, you know. We just wanted to be left alone in our science labs, and in our tutorials, in our lives.

There's no escaping guys like you. You’re everywhere, and you’re spreading. For a time, we ignored it. Figured it was some kind of anomaly. But it wasn’t – it was a trend. And despite the fact that we didn’t see it coming, we are now prepared for its end.

Like I mentioned – it won’t surprise most people to see you change. Maybe a few of your close friends will worry about you. Express some concern. But by that point, you’ll already have accepted your new self. You’ll be able to say “This is just who I am,” and it’ll be their choice how to proceed. That’s a side benefit, by the way, of the process. You get to find out who your real friends are – and, spoiler alert: they’re not exactly big football fans.

You have to be prepared for some major shake-up in your life, though. The good thing about the process is that it won’t faze you in the slightest. Everything will be gee-whiz gosh-darn super-duper spiffy keen neat-o, if anyone asks, and for you, it will be.

Now, I know those terms are a little outdated. We’ve had to make a bit of an adjustment to the process in your case. The earlier version wasn’t quite strong enough for you, so we’ve had to over-compensate in a few directions. You won’t just be a little bit nerdy, you know, a couple of odd quirks, some new hobbies. For example, Derek – well, that’s his dead name, he goes by Derwood now – Derwood can sometimes get by in normal society. He even kept a few of his old friends. He’s just more into things like superhero movies, and he’s left behind all knowledge or passion for sports. I think I even saw him reading a comic book the other day, come to think of it.

But that’s not going to be you. Oh, sure, you might develop a taste for superhero movies, but if you do, it won’t just be a passing interest. You’ll become a rabid fan. I believe��obsessive…is the operative word, in fact. Yes, you see, that earlier version of the process would have worn off, and you’d have been back to your old self in no time, which would wreak havoc on your psyche, not to mention put our entire operation in jeopardy. We can’t have that.

It looks like some time has passed, but not quite enough for me to remove the gag yet. Do you feel your perfect white teeth shifting around in your gums, almost impatiently? Nod once for yes.

You don’t have to nod at all, not if you don’t want to. I don’t need you to confirm for me what I can already see happening in your eyes. Speaking of your eyes – how’s your vision? I can see you starting to squint every now and then. Trying to see past that blur? Don’t worry. I’ve already got your glasses, right here, for when it gets too bad for you to see. Talk about your Coke-bottle lenses - my calculations again predict that you’ll settle somewhere around…hm…negative six diopters, which is even worse than mine.

To put it simply: you won’t even be able to read the big E on the eye chart without your glasses on.

I know, you’ve never been to the optometrist in your life. You never needed to. And don’t think about getting contact lenses, either. I mean, go ahead and try, if you really want to embarrass yourself.

Oh, I can see it now: timid, nerdy little guy like you, shuffling into the doctor’s office – you say you want to get contact lenses, and they get you in the back for a fitting. They show you how to do it, you know, hold your eyelids apart and then just plop the lens on there. But you have to do it three times before they’ll let you leave with them, and you won’t even be able to get one in, because you’ll keep blinking it out. I wish I could be there to see it, honestly – you, all frustrated, trying to swear, but only able to say things like “Fudge!” and “Gosh darn it!”

It’ll be so beautiful. I’m getting teary just thinking about it.

I’m glad you’re starting to settle down a bit. Let me know when you need your glasses. Maybe while we wait, I’ll get started on your hair. That trendy fade has got to go, and so does that scruff on your face. At the start, you’ll have to shave a lot, but as the process continues, you’ll start producing more of a 5-alpha reductase enzyme. This will convert your testosterone into dihydrotestosterone, or DHT, which will actually miniaturize your follicles. Kind of like using a shrink ray on them! Oh, and there will be no taking of inhibitors, like finasteride or anything like that – our process contains a potent agonist, with an affinity of 0.25 to 0.5 nM for the human androgen receptor.

It’s all very scientific, I assure you. And with the miniaturization of your follicles, your sebaceous glands will begin to over-produce sebum, which results in – you guessed it! Acne. Pimples. Zits. I know you’ve never had to deal with that before, so I’m just preparing you for it now. Pizza-face, I think the popular nickname is. Get ready for a lot of that.

Let’s see…what else can I tell you.... Gosh, this is kind of like the orientation for a new job, isn’t it? Ah, yes. I know. Speaking of jobs...

Yeah, this is the tough part. It’s all very natural, I assure you. Just like with your friends, your co-workers will come to see you in a different way. I know you have quite a few cutthroat underlings who would eat one another alive to get your corner office, and the moment they sense you’re not as much of a threat as you used to be, they’ll swarm.

I give it two weeks, tops, until you’re gone. If you choose that road. Or you could make it much easier on yourself and resign. You won’t be financially ruined – not with all that new information surging through your brain – you’ll be an asset to the right company, the right department. Maybe IT will take you. Or accounting. Maybe you won’t work corporate. Maybe you’ll work retail.

God, that’s cruel even for me. I wouldn’t wish retail on anyone, even a jerk like you. But there’s no telling what could happen. For all I know, once the process has completed, you could end up one of those Geek Squad guys at Best Buy! Have you seen the uniform they have to wear? It’s company-mandated dress code. You’ve seen them, haven’t you? White, short-sleeve, button-down shirt. Black polyester clip-on necktie; black, pleated trousers; black lace-up shoes…and white socks. Yes, white socks, kept completely spotless and bright. All this is enforced, too, with routine inspections, to make sure you’re being compliant!

You see, there’s really an infinity of possibilities for you. If anything, this is a new chance for you – a fresh start. I know it feels scary, all this change. But change is the only constant. Everything is always in flux. Heck, every seven years, your entire body regenerates – every cell is new and different, so why shouldn’t your personality and identity change, too?

It’s logical, isn’t it? Nod once for yes.

Good! You’re starting to come around, aren’t you? Like I said, it won’t be so bad if you just accept it. If you don’t fight it. That sudden urge to position your tongue up behind your teeth when you say ess. Eth. Eth. How your voice keeps breaking, and in the most unfortunate ways, and at the most unfortunate times – all of this is being etched into your muscle memory as I speak to you.

There isn’t much longer now until I can remove your gag, and I can see that the physical alterations are beginning. Too bad all that hard work at the gym all these years is so easily eroded by our process, but then, those muscles were mostly for show, weren’t they? Well, no longer. It isn’t exactly sarcopenia, but it’s close. You’ll be at least one and a half, possibly two, standard deviations below the relevant population mean, and no amount of exercise will restore your former abilities.

Yes, the ropes are looser now, because you’re much smaller. Rapid onset muscle deterioration. You could struggle out of them. Maybe you could even escape. You could try. But there’s no way you’d make it very far without your glasses. Who would believe you, anyway? What would you even say?

Like I said, you might as well give in. It’s not so bad, once you get used to it. And you’ll have me. I’ll be with you for the whole beginning process, so you can acclimate to your newly nerdy life. You won’t be able to continue living in that luxe apartment you’ve got – no, you’ll be moving into a nice little basement apartment I’ve got fixed up for you, in the suburbs outside the city. The landlords have just got it refurbished, with some nice wood paneling, and there’s a spare twin bed that should be just your size! There’s also tons of room on the walls to put up all your posters. You won’t need much room for anything else, really. You definitely won’t be needing that enormous closet of tailored, fitted button-down shirts, or all those sneakers, definitely not those expensive Under Armour boxer-briefs. What a waste. No, the new you is way more frugal with his money, seeing as he’s paid so little of it. The new you doesn’t even think that much about clothes, or fashion.

This must be a lot to handle. Maybe I should have a little mercy on you.

Tell you what. I’ll let you choose your underwear. How’s that, pal? That make you feel any better? Nod once for yes.

See, I’m not that bad. That’s right. So, here. You can choose…Hanes, or Fruit of the Loom?

Oh, I see. You thought I meant what kind of underwear. Haha, no. You’ll be wearing tighty-whities from now on. Sorry, them’s the rules. Besides, you won’t need much support…down there, if you catch my drift!

Don’t look so horrified. You won’t even notice that it’s gone. Mostly. You’ll still have some length, just, you know, not a lot. You won’t be able to call it a “cock” or a “dick” ever again, either. Oh, look how cute – you’re blushing just hearing me say it! You might call it something else, like your ding-a-ling, or your wiener.

Okay, okay, I can tell you’re getting embarrassed, you’ve gone all red and blotchy in your cheeks. We don’t have to talk about the … “no-no place” anymore, little buddy.

All right. Here’s your glasses. I’ll just set them on your nose, for you…there. Wow, they sure do make your eyes look tiny!

I can tell you’re getting near to the end of the process, and I’m curious to see how big your two front teeth have gotten. From that bump in your upper lip…gosh, it looks like you might be giving Bugs Bunny a run for his money!

You’ve really been behaving better, so I’ll bring you a mirror, okay? So you can see for yourself. I must say, it’s already quite the improvement. I wasn’t expecting your hair to turn so red, or get so curly. Maybe if you can’t get a job at Best Buy, you could run away and join the circus as a clown!

I’m just horsing around with you, pal. Don’t pass out on me. You promise not to scream? I hate it when they scream. Nod once for yes.

You’re a little excited, aren’t you? It’s okay. You can tell me. I bet you get a little more excitable than you used to. Maybe you even get a little clumsy, with the loss of all that hand-eye coordination. Trip over your own two feet and go sprawling.

But who knows. There’s so much potential.

And you’re just the beginning, too. Let’s just say that my proposal for introducing you to the process wasn’t well-received by Central. What do they know? They have this power, and they don’t use it. Well, you snooze, you lose, by golly! If you have a gift, you use it, otherwise it goes to waste.

Anyway. Enough of the supervillain speech. You don’t need to know anything more. It’ll probably be wiped out in the massive crush of nerdy trivia about Star Trek and Star Wars that’s going to download into your brain soon, anyway.

So, this is it. Are you ready to see? Nod once for yes, and I’ll pull the cloth off this mirror here.

Alrighty, dweeb, you asked for it. Here goes.

Say salutations to the new you!

[END TRANSCRIPT]

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rushingheadlong · 4 years ago

Text

So I’m seeing a surprising number of people who are disappointed by the Live Album announcement, either because of the specific track list or because it’s a compilation album or because it feels like a money grab or whatever.

And people can feel however they want to about this, and no one is going to force you to buy any of the products associated with the Live Album launch... but let’s take a moment and really think about this, okay?

“Why did it have to be a compilation album? Why could it just be a recording of the Rhapsody Tour?”

Maybe Queen doesn’t have a full recording of a Rhapsody Tour show. The only clip they’ve shown with any regularity is the Fat Bottomed Girls in Dallas, which is the one being included on this album. Just because they have some video from the Rhapsody Tour doesn’t mean that they have an entire show that they’re able to release. It doesn’t seem like they recorded any of the Rhapsody Tour shows with the intention of releasing it as a live album and DVD, so they may have audio or video that just isn’t a good enough quality to put out.

Or maybe they do have that, and they’re holding off on releasing a Rhapsody Tour live album until after they complete the entire tour so they don’t spoil things for people who will be seeing them next year. There are people who are torn about buying this Live Album specifically because they’re still waiting to see Q+AL next year and they don’t want to spoil the experience. I can’t blame Brian, Roger, and Adam for not wanting to release the full Rhapsody Tour footage if they even have it.

Personally, I like that it’s a compilation album because I like that we’re getting the full span of what Q+AL have done over the last decade or so! It’s makes for a rather nice tribute to their history together.

“Why didn’t they include ____? Why aren’t there more songs? It’s so short!”

Again, they’re probably working with whatever they have! They need not only good video of a song, but also good audio of it as well. If the only have one of those two things they can’t include it on the Live Album.

Also in terms of length, this album has a similar number of tracks as Live Killers. Yes, it’s not a full two-hour concert and it’s shorter than releases like Live at Wembley and Rock Montreal, but it’s not an obscenely short release. The audio formats will have 20 tracks, the DVDs will have 22. That’s still a respectable length, at least IMO.

“Why is so much of it taken up by the Fire Fight concert? We’ve seen so many of these clips before! Give us something new!”

Again, they are working with what they have! We keep seeing the same clips from them because these are the professionally-filmed clips that they have that are suitable for release.

There’s also the issue that some of the professionally-filmed material that they have, they might not be able to release. They’ve included one song from the Global Citizen Festival, but that doesn’t mean they were able to get permission to include more (depending on who owns what rights to the video content, and since Global Citizen in general is the organization who uploads those video clips to youtube I’m assuming they have some say in the matter here).

Furthermore, Q+AL already had a Japan-only release of the Summer Sonic 2014 performance so they may only be able to re-release a certain number of those tracks depending on what arrangements were made for Live in Japan. (Personally, I’d like to see Live in Japan get a worldwide release and I’m disappointed that that hasn’t happened.)

Queen, apparently, owns or was able to get the full rights to the Fire Fight concert. And I know that people feel that we’ve seen that a thousand times before (and I’m given to understand that our Australian fans have, because it was shown on TV there) but at least in the US the only youtube uploads of it are on unofficial accounts. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that since you, personally, have a bootleg of something that means that everyone does or that everyone is as tired of it as you are.

Also, for better or for worse, the Fire Fight set is somewhat iconic/historic/whatever because it’s the Live Aid recreation. You might not love that (personally, I’m meh about it) but it does make for a good ending for a live album because of that and I can’t fault Queen for wanting to include it.

“If they weren’t planning on doing a live album, they shouldn’t have made one then! Putting together this material is just a cash grab!”

Okay, but is it though?

There’s a demand for this material. Yes, bootlegs exist. Yes, you can rip the audio off of youtube. But I for one am very excited to own Q+AL performances on an official album, especially since Brian said not too long ago that whatever material they’ve recorded with Adam in the studio isn’t fit to be released.

Everything is priced reasonably well. The clothing is maybe a bit expensive, but it’s still in line with the rest of Queen’s products and their tour merch so I’m not mad about it. But the vinyl, CD, DVD, etc. aren’t exorbitantly overpriced, even though Queen very easily could have jacked up the price of everything especially the LP.

They may not have been planning this, in the sense that they set out to record a specific concert to release as a live album like they did in the past with Live Killers, Live at Wembley, Rock Montreal, etc. But the demand is there, and this is a good stopgap between tours that doesn’t ruin the spectacle of the Rhapsody Tour for those who haven’t seen it yet.

Anyway, here are my final thoughts...

There’s definitely a subset of fans who are going to be disappointed by this release. Personally, there’s a reason why I haven’t pre-ordered a DVD or blu-ray and it’s entirely because I don’t think the video will contain enough new material for me to be Super Invested in owning an original copy of it. I’m fine acquiring a bootleg once that hits the internet, that doesn’t bother me.

But I am really, really excited about owning the vinyl. I’m excited about Q+AL finally releasing a proper album together, so I can finally listen to their performances without it having to be ripped from a youtube video. I’m so excited to hear how they sound on vinyl, and I will absolutely be buying a digital copy of the album once it’s out as well.

At the end of the day, this wasn’t planned months in advance and they’re working with whatever material they already have on hand, not anything that they’ve purposefully recorded for this sole purpose. That means that there’s going to be limitations in what they can release, not because they don’t care or because this was rushed but because there are other factors at play here.

You don’t have to be excited about this, but throwing around accusations of Queen doing this as a “cash grab” just feels really mean-spirited. As Roger said in the press release, they had this idea after seeing the response that they got to the youtube fundraiser video - I don’t have any reason to doubt that that’s true, and that means that they’re responding directly to what fans want and working with what they have to make that happen.

#long post //#I'm mad and went off a little and I should probably apologize for that but I'm not going to #text

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slasher-party · 4 years ago

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Leslie Vernon’s Secret 2021 Short Film: Wait For It

J: Calling all Leslie Vernonites! This info is MUST KNOW for all fans of the Glen Echo slasher! So even if you already know about this project, please consider reading & sharing so more fans can get excited about this! (This is a post I’ve been REALLY excited to make for a while, so I really hope you enjoy and spread the news!) Lace your boots up, kiddies; this is gonna be a looong post. I’m putting every step of my discovery path in here. That way you have access to all my sources:

We begin our journey on YouTube back in July. I was fooling around, watching some Leslie content, and was recommended Joebizz34's 1/6 Behind The Mask Leslie Vernon custom figure video (tip: bold words from this point forward are most likely links). I thought it was super cool! And it had about 1k views. A small plug! But I scrolled down into the comments... and spotted a familiar face.

‘Nathan?!’ I thought to myself. Was this his actual YouTube account? That singular like is my own, by the way. So odds are, Joebizz34 himself hasn’t even seen this comment (or doesn’t realize who this is). Step One: Investigating Nathan’s Channel A natural skeptic, I assumed this was a fan account and set out to prove myself wrong. (Here’s the link: Nathan Baesel) At the beginning of all of this, this was the main task I was attempting to accomplish.

Pulling up his page, there isn’t much to look at. Just a clip from an old movie and a short video of someone who clearly isn’t Nathan Baesel. He also only has a handful of followers, but that didn’t deter me and I decided to look deeper.

Popping over to his own subscriptions, another familiar face jumped out at me:

Ben Pace! Who you might recognize as the man who played Doug in Behind the Mask!

Double-checking this page as well, this is definitely his channel.

And Leslie/Nathan fangirls will find a particular little treat in this pinned video of his, Hello Jogger:

youtube

Absolutely fantastic, the both of them.

So this is a good sign, but Ben doesn’t follow him back, and I couldn’t find any interaction between them with this account. So this isn’t definitive proof. Step Two: the 197 MPH Promo Going back to his channel, I checked out the first video he had up... with only 15 views on it.

Now, this guy I didn’t recognize. So I jumped in to see if I could figure out who it was, and low-and-behold, you’re looking at David J. Stieve, the writer of Behind the Mask. And that man in the back? In the stripes? Well, check out the video yourself and you’ll see:

youtube

Now, there’s a lot to unpack here. Keep in mind - I was just trying to figure out whether or not this was Nathan’s actual YouTube channel for fun. Now I’m going nuts cause there’s apparently some short-film set in the Behind the Mask universe that I haven’t heard about?! At this point, I can’t say for sure this is Nathan’s actual YouTube account, but I can definitely confirm that that is Nathan in the video, and this main guy is David Stieve, the writer of Behind the Mask. (Also, can I just say, I live for Nathan’s sass? He’s just the best, guys.) But my goal had changed. Now I needed to find out what this Wait for It project was all about. Step Three: Discovering Wait for It I jumped on over to IMDB and there it is: Wait for It (2021)

Check out that unnamed boy. That’s right, folks. You’re looking at a secret Behind the Mask project. (That little bit of trivia that says they’re linked was actually added by me. Sorry for the bad wording - I tried to fix it but IMDB wouldn’t let me, so, what can I do.) Now, talk about being hard to find! Without my addition, there’s nothing that points to this having anything to do with Leslie. Even with Nathan & David’s involvement. I checked Twitter today, and there are only a few tweets (with the #WaitForIt tag) that refer to this project and not Hamilton. David hasn’t said anything about it, Nathan hasn’t said anything about it. That I saw. I did an advanced search but if I accidentally misspelled something and they have mentioned it, please let me know. From this tweet:

I was able to find the IndieGogo for the project:

Which was closed a long time ago, with only 36 backers, where B4TM got roughly 300. One can only assume it was an exposure issue, but it doesn’t seem like they really advertised it. However, I wasn’t a Vernonite back in 2017, so I can’t really say that for sure. The last update was from 2018, which stated that things were in motion for the project:

But then again, the last update on the B4TM Indiegogo is outdated, stating issue #6 is in production when I have it sitting on my desk right now. So who knows where this project lies. It could be even further along than the update suggests, and after all, the IMDB does say 2021. One last update I found poking around the official B4TM Facebook page:

Now, this is a little strange. You have the Behind the Mask crew here, and given the title of the page this is posted on, one would assume this “screening” is for Behind the Mask. But looking at the date, and the now-familiar-to-us posters on the table, that might not be the case.

So, does that mean this short film is finished and unreleased? Does that mean we see Taylor and crew in the film? Or are they there to support the creators? I’m leaning toward the latter. A streaming party was also an incentive for backing the Wait for It fundraiser. I’m lead to believe they premiered a rough-cut of the short film, and that’s what we’re looking at in this photo. That may also be where the technical data on IMDB is pulled from, but that rough cut isn’t available to us, and the finished project isn’t either. If it is I can’t find it, otherwise it’d be part of this post. I also did check the collector’s edition Blu-ray (which I’ve yet to get myself but I do want it for the incentive of extended/deleted scenes, the interviews, and the movie commentary), but Wait for It was not listed as part of the bonus features. Now, this interview has the most information about the project’s details out of everything out there I’ve seen so far. It’s an audio-only over the phone interview a horror channel did with David Stieve back in 2017.

youtube

For details on what Wait for It is about, and how it fits into the Leslie universe, it would be better to listen to this interview than for me to write it all out.

Step Four: What now?

Well, I realized that I might have found something that maybe a lot of people don’t know about, but they should. So, I’m putting this together! While we can’t back the project monetarily anymore, we can support it, the creator, and the Leslie Universe by spreading as much awareness about it as possible. With that said, this is all the information I’ve found, with the links included. Poke around and see if you turn up anything else! And if this project is available somewhere, even as a rough cut (but so long as it’s posted legally), please do share! I love Leslie, I love Taylor, and I love what the Behind the Mask universe stands for. I love David Stieve’s mindset, and if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would immediately call him up and tell him any Leslie projects he had planned were now completely funded. I’m really just that passionate about this franchise.

Thank you so much for reading this! I hope you found out something new, or you at least now have a post with all the information about Wait for It gathered in one place. Like I mentioned at the beginning, please consider sharing so all the Vernonites know about it! As always, much love to all of you, and the Slasher community! XOXO, Mod Jess

#Leslie Vernon #Behind the Mask #Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon #Slashers #Horror #YES #I've finally put all of it in one place!!#I love this crew so so so much aaaaagh #It's Leslie's Time Now

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saleintothe90s · 4 years ago

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422. ”Carrie” (May 12 - May 15 1988)

I adore reading about flops. One of my favorite flops to read about is Carrie the musical. A doomed production from the start. Millions of dollars wasted. Bad costumes. Filler songs.

Similar to my Simpsons season 10 review, I wanna give something to the worst aspects of the show. With Simpsons, bad episodes were awarded Marge’s homemade Pepsi. For Carrie, I think I’m going to give the bad parts the “Vending Machine Maxi Pad” award.

As most anybody who follows Broadway flops knows, clips from Carrie are scarce and are in poor condition on YouTube. Most of the actual clips are from when the show was in test productions in Stratford Upon Avon, but the music has been replaced with the Broadway soundboard. So, keep that in mind. Most of the time you can’t even make out what’s going on. Here’s the closest copy of the entire show I could find on YouTube, from the Sratford Upon Avon production.

I know people bash the musical, and sometimes it’s rightfully so, but two things are consistent: Linzi Hateley who played Carrie, and that orchestra that is on.point. Check out the overture.

(source)

The show begins with girls cheering in gym class in the beginning of an aerobics lesson? The white gym shorts look like diapers. That’s the first of many costume mistakes.

The song is a banger, I love Darlene Love playing the gym teacher, she’s my favorite part of the song. The only part that is cringey to me is when the girls sing “I go CrAzZyyyyy” and they get on the ground and dance like a toddler having a temper tantrum in a Toys R Us. Since the audio quality is so bad in these clips, I thought at one point the girls were singing about not being caught picking their nose, no, the lyric is:

Bought the clothes, did my nose,

Near the end of the song, the girls are on these rising rafters? It took me for-ever to realize that they were simulating a cheerleader pyramid, and that Carrie had snuck in near the end of the number to be on the bottom of the pyramid. Oh, and she causes it to fall and someone tells her to eat shit.

“Dream On” is the song that the girls sing while in the showers. Why yes, it does look like they’re in the nude due to the poor quality of the video. The song is ok, it gives total night driving home from the mall in the late 80s early 90s vibes. Although one girl says the line, “Six foot three and he's in his forties!”. WHAT.

Carrie breaks those vibes at around 3:44 by screaming that she’s bleeding. When Miss Gardener slaps Carrie, a cymbal plays. I love it.

I like to imagine that when the girls threw the tampons and pads at Carrie, some flew into the audience.

“Carrie” is shrill at first, and then it turns into a bit of snoozefest. Linzi sings the name “Carrie” about 458 times.

Betty Buckley who previously had played the original Grizabella in Cats. and who played the gym teacher in the original movie plays Carrie’s mom. Her song, “Open Your Heart” is pretty good. It’s a nice little break before mom goes bottoms up on Carrie for getting her period (”And Eve Was Weak” [Stratford version with Barbara Cook]):

Carrie: I was in the shower and...

Mom: You’re forbidden from showering with the other girls...

Carrie: I started to bleed!

While Carrie spends the rest of the night in a cellar, the popular girls are at the drive-in. Now, this musical cost over $7 million dollars 1, but yet this was the best set they could think of for a drive-in movie theater:

It looks like something out of a high school play -- which I guess makes a little sense since they are high schoolers? I’m grabbing at straws here. It cost so much money to put Carrie on, what’s a few more dollars to have two real hollowed out cars on stage, one with Chris (in the red) & Billy (in black) in it, and the other with Sue (pink leggings) and Tommy (purple windbreaker)?

“Don’t Waste the Moon” is the song sung at the drive-in, with Sue having regrets about throwing tampons at Carrie in the beginning of the song. The song is very 1980s, and it kind of doesn’t fit in the musical. Gene Anthony Ray’s (Billy) talent is wasted here.

It’s time for some “Evening Prayers” for Carrie where she discusses with God her new telekinesis powers. Meanwhile Carrie’s mom is being a worrywort. During the Stratford production, Carrie’s mom is in a rocking chair over there looking like Whistler’s Mother.

“You’re going to tell Carrie that you’re sorry!” belts out Miss Gardner. In the musical, Chris seems more obsessed with torturing Carrie than in the movie or book if that’s even possible. Sue is like, “What did she even do to you?”. Even Billy asked earlier, “Who the hell is Carrie White?”.

Oooof. Seeing the gym teacher try to cheer Carrie up by singing a song about the prom (”Unsuspecting Hearts”) and how she could go too is patronizing. Even if its sung by Darlene Love.

“Do Me a Favor” might be the most infamous song from the musical. It’s the song I see referred to the most when I read bad reviews. For some reason Chris is wearing a metallic red bodysuit and Sue is wearing a light pink bodysuit. Are they supposed to be that cliche devil and the angel on the shoulder thing?

Chris looks like Evil Homer!

I’m going be the unpopular opinion here and say that I love the song! The erratic dancing also fits with the song.

Carrie tells her mom before “I Remember How Those Boys Would Dance” that Tommy is sweet and polite, but the audience doesn’t know that. Tommy is barely a character in this production. In the end, Carrie uses her powers to shut her mama up.

From what I gather in “Out for Blood” (audio) where Chris and Billy go looking for a pig to kill, the chorus dancers are the pigs? The video quality is so poor. Chris had another crazy ass red outfit on, some sort of shiny red skirt and a crop top. The costumes in this are just horrible. It was like the wardrobe budget was $50.

This song is so.so.bad. It reminds me of whenever Rocko from Rocko’s Modern Life would see a movie trailer or a parody of something on TV for some reason?! Or the “gotta get that Reptar song” from Rugrats when the kids saw Reptar on ice. Especially when the chorus tells Billy to kill the pig:

CHORUS Cha! Kill the pig, pig, pig! CHRIS Go! CHORUS Kill 'im, kill 'im, kill, kill! We'll make him bleed! CHRIS Go! CHORUS Get the blood, blood, blood Oooh, blood! CHRIS Oh, baby show... CHORUS Kill the pig, make 'im bleed Let's get the blood, that's all we need!

Sue’s song “It Hurts to be Strong” is a bit of a throw-away. It gets a vending machine maxi pad award. Moving on. It’s filler

In “I’m Not Alone”, Carrie sings while using her powers to move things around in her room. What things? I don’t know the video quality was so bad. That’s another thing! The sets are nonexistent! I wouldn’t know we were in Carrie’s room unless the Playbill told me. It’s another forgettable song. Three in a row!

Betty Buckley saves the day in, “When There’s No One”, a sad song about facing life without Carrie being her subordinate.

I don’t understand the prom dresses in “Wotta Night”, they’re all garish giant white numbers that make the actresses look about 20 pounds heaver. The guys look like that Rio doll from Jem. The costume designer couldn’t just go to Alexanders or A&S and buy prom dresses? You know, why am I even asking at this point. We all saw what Chris has been wearing this whole time. There is a disco ball thrown aside in the corner instead of hanging up. More on that later.

The song sounds way too much like that song “Rock on” by David Essex. Automatic Vending Machine Maxi Pad.

Here’s a cute rehearsal clip I found of “Heaven”, the song sung while the Prom Queen and King ballots are being counted. Unfortunately, the audio is bad. Chris is there to remind us that she’s still out for blood.

Finally, finally it’s time for Carrie the prom queen to get drenched with blood -- but the thing is, due to microphone technology back then, Carrie really couldn’t have blood dumped on her. Chris and Billy just run up to her and half ass pour the bucket at her. Could the set designer not suspend the bucket from above the stage? Is that also why the disco ball is thrown in the corner? I don’t even think she has stage blood on her during “The Destruction”, (which is the best song from the musical). I think a red spotlight over Carrie signifies the blood.

I think Linzi is really only truly covered in blood for press shots.

Anyway, the Destruction, I love it when she screeches “DOESN’T ANYBODY EVER GET IT RIGHT??! DOESN’T ANYBODY THINK THAT I HEAR?!” It’s the best. I could listen to it all day and I almost did the other day.

Due the poor video quality, I can’t really tell how the prom-goers are dying. They’re kinda just twitching there in the laser light or slamming themselves against the clear barrier that descended from the stage to signify Carrie closing the doors to the gym.

After Carie kills everybody, this giant white staircase descends and covers up the gym. I read somewhere, I forgot where, that its supposed to be the school stairs? We’re led to believe that Carrie’s crazy mom ran to the school. The first time I saw it, I thought that it was Carrie and her mom getting ready to go to heaven. I thought maybe someone over at the set department took the classic song too literally.

It appears that while the stairs are descending, Carrie smears stage blood on her.

The reprise of “Carrie’ is so much better than the original. Carrie stops her mom’s heart cold mid song. Then she slins down the stairs and Sue catches her. In an interview on playbill.com, Betty Buckley says that on opening night (I don’t know if she meant the first preview, or the official opening night), there were boos from the audience at the end, but cheers for Linzi and herself. I believe it. Betty and Linzi were amazing. Darlene Love was amazing. The rough scenes are the scenes with the school kids. They’re awful, in the words of my boy Jay Sherman, “they’re awful I tell you. aw.ful.”

(relevant prom .gif)

1. Rothstein, Mervyn. “After Seven Years And $7 Million, ‘Carrie’ Is a Kinetic Memory (Published 1988).” The New York Times, May 17, 1988, sec. Theater. https://www.nytimes.com/1988/05/17/theater/after-seven-years-and-7-million-carrie-is-a-kinetic-memory.html.

New York City Broadway reviews on the news in NYC for Carrie. That first reviewer, Stuart Klein, I love him. I’ve watched several of his reviews on flops on YouTube. Joel Sigel who was the Good Morning America film reviewer is here too.

Archive of Betty Buckley interview.

#carrie #carrie the musical #1988 #betty buckley #linzi hateley #charlotte d'amboise #broadway #musicals #broadway flops #flops #the 1980s

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fan-dumb-trash · 6 years ago

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Come Out And Play: Casting Call For Voice Actors!!!

Hello, and if ya don’t know me, my name is Ray! I wrote a short story one shot about Virgil and Roman titled “Come Out And Play” late December! @sanderssidesaudiobooks uploads audios of Sander Sides fan fiction. I thought, “hey, why not join in on the fun?” Here’s how you can help me... audition to read for the charecters in my fic! Here’s some information!

Virgil

Any gender voice Actor

Alto or in the lower/softer register

You need to be able to sing! The song that’s crucial for you to be able to sing is “King of the Clouds” by Panic At The Disco!

If you can play guitar that’s a bounus but it’s not required

Should be able to portray fiend confidence with a little bit of vunrebility. More of the listening type than the sharing.

Roman

Soprano (second soprano) or brighter Tenor

Any Gender Voice Actor

Also has to be able to sing. Not as important as Virgil’s singing abilities but still crucial! Come Out And Play is Romans main song.

Bright voice! Has to contradict and blend with Virgil’s voice

Roman is very metaphorical and emotionally compromised in this fic- so the actor has to convey the tiredness and self doubt here, while still maintaining Romans dramtic flair in some sections of the fic.

Romans Roomate

Bratty, Cruel, Impatient

Female actor preferred but I’m open to whatever

You don’t need to sing

Minimal lines in the begging of the fic, but you should have a bite to your words since your rant sticks with Roman through the entirety of the story and causes him pain

•••

How to Audition

Roman:

An audio of you singing Come Out And Play by Billie Ellish (the beginning till the end of the chours)

An audio of you saying the following lines:

“ It’s just that what I expect is never what I get. Christmas kinda ruined itself for me. It didn’t help that ever since I moved here I haven’t kept in touch with my folks as much as I should. I just feel… guilty. For feeling free. But I’m also sad as hell if you can’t tell,”

“SORRY! Ididntmeantostartleyou! I just-erm… reallyreally liked your voice.”

“I mean, isn’t a little spontaneity good every once in a while? People just do stuff without any explanation. It can be good, bad, but it just happens. Is it your job, or my job, to decide what the universe should and shouldn’t make happen?”

“A prince such as myself has got to slay. Theater sort of demands that you be social. All the actors, tech crew, directors… Frankly, I don’t think I get a break,”

Virgil:

A clip of you singing “King of the Clouds” by Panic at The Disco (the beginning to the end of the first chours) I’d recommend listening to an acoustic cover of it for reference because the original has some vocal distortion in it

And an audio of you saying the following lines:

“I’m just an antisocial guitar lover who’s only plans are to hang out with their parents on Christmas Day. The universe is one funny dude for giving you me, of all people, for condolences,”

“Sorry! Did I say something? I probably did sorry that was harsh I shouldn’t have-“

“Thanks…? But that still doesn’t explain what the HELL you are doing up here! Where did you come from?”

“It seems like your art is your way of expressing yourself. Isn’t that what really matters? Being yourself? Music is my escape. Singing something is acknowledging it’s real, but also acknowledging the wisdom and power that you gain when you overcome an obstacle. It’s also just… really nice ya know?

Romans Roomate:

An audio of you saying the following lines:

“Go ahead and write your dumb little short plays and hide the fact that you don’t have a clue what you’re doing with your life,”

I am a semi flexible person with Discord Hangouts and a pretty functional google drive so go ahead and message me if you’re interested and we can work out how I get your audition! Tsym for your time and I hope you guys will be interested!

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laurensomebody · 6 years ago

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The Towers

Everyday for weeks, I watch those planes crash into the Twin Towers. Every angle I can find, every Youtube documentary, every newscast. Footage from the street, from hotel guests at their windows, from the NYU student in her dorm who can’t believe those are human bodies and not chairs falling from the top floors. I watch before bed and after waking, replaying clips again and again until they’re real.

The day we learn my mom is going to die, I hang back to sleep in her hospital room. We stay up late. She forbids me from telling her how long she has left, just like she did her doctor. She wants to talk about anything but the cancer. After awhile, I slip up and say something I instantly regret, aiming for the brand of dark humor we’d enjoyed many times before. “The only upside is that now I won’t have to worry about you when I finally commit suicide.” She sighs, “No, don’t do that,” like she remembers the vague threats since my preteen years and has learned not to entertain them. I say sorry but hate myself for making a cruel joke which defeats the purpose of leaving her unaware.

On the first anniversary of her passing, I’m still not ready to open my box of memories from Maryland- her earrings, the funeral programs, her old phone, her journal and devotional book. It stays shut on a shelf while I dip into Facebook to see relatives posting tributes, then click out to avoid the photos. It stays shut while I consider listening to the James Taylor album I played on her last day, her death rattle in the background of her favorite songs. I refuse to play JT again now and maybe ever.

Instead, I watch the towers. In the hour before impact, news anchors marvel at the nice weather, and how it’s almost too quiet this morning. They talk to Babyface about his beard and Ray Romano about his show. Howard Stern recalls almost hooking up with Pam Anderson. Soon, it’s 8:46am, then 9:03, and their ignorance is not an option.

I hear some 9/11 jumpers were blinded by black smoke while searching for a pocket of air and took one last step out of a smashed window. Others felt flames licking their backs and opted to fall, instead. I wonder how the terror of sinking compares to being eaten alive by the fire. I decide I’d rather fly out, too. The jumpers remind me of what David Foster Wallace wrote about suicide- how it’s not so free a choice; it’s like leaping from a burning high-rise when you see no other way out. I watch them to convince myself it’s not time to jump; my building is not actually on fire. I am still on the ground.

One day I’m done. I have to stop watching the towers. Just like that heavy drinking in the weeks after Mom’s death, ended only when I mistake the closet for the bathroom and the hamper for the toilet, then hear my boyfriend arrive from work and enter the bedroom and I casually emerge and hope he won’t notice how wet and smelly our laundry is. Another addiction I must thwart.

On the day I decide I’m done, I walk my dog outside and watch a plane fly low from Burbank airport. I fantasize like I always do, wondering what it would be like if it crashed into our complex. This time I fear it will happen because maybe I’ve been watching all that footage to prepare. My mother’s mother believed she had premonitions and thought they ran in the family. Mom had demon sightings and occult interests before she strengthened her faith and swore off the stuff. I’ve tried to shake intrusive thoughts since childhood but flirt with them for a thrill. I have my fun, decide I’m silly and go back inside.

The night of my decision, I restrain myself from searching for new clips and go to Reddit instead. There’s been a hijacking in Washington State. I’m relieved to learn it’s only one man and no passengers, no buildings, no houses. But he’s dead. Richard Russell left behind audio of his conversation with air traffic control. He’s in a manic state, only now realizing the extent of his struggle, embarrassed to be disappointing the people who care about him. He hopes he hasn’t ruined anyone’s day with his stunt. But he wants a moment of serenity and to see the sights before dying. He’s made his choice; a safe landing means an indefinite stay behind bars. I can hear his resignation. He tells the controllers he wishes they could all just shoot the shit, without this business getting in the way.

I’m broken by his self-awareness and vulnerability in the last moments. They would have saved him if they’d come earlier. But he knew we aren’t supposed to admit some things, like when we’ve pushed people away and don’t know why, when we feel lonely and forgotten, when we just want to talk, when we feel worthless and at a loss. He did it because it was the end. I curse and thank him for his insane, horrifying act, which lets me off the hook. I can never match that epic, symbolic goodbye- that astounding barrel roll- and I will never try. I can fall apart and rebuild before the flames become real; I can hope they never do. I go to bed and pretend something meant for him to help people like me who need the constant reminder.

#death #towers #suicide #planes

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 5 months ago

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This post goes in a number of directions. Starts out being about a funny phone call on this Peacock & Gamble radio show, then covers a few other subjects, probably says more than I need to say on the internet. There's nothing particularly interesting here, unless you like audio of a man having a breakdown shouting at a man who was fairly recently a child.

New post about the Peacock & Gamble FUBAR Radio show, and this time, it is not analyzing the dramatic and drawn-out breakdown of a double act! Mainly because I’ve heard a couple more episodes since my last post, and it’s been mainly good. Ed Gamble’s relaxed a bit. Ray Peacock’s mainly taken back control of driving the show (not just physically driving the desk and radio buttons, but moving the show in a reasonable direction as well, leaving Ed free to occasionally take a breath and play along). References to a variety of dire personal circumstances have been reduced to a dull background roar rather than a constant threat to tank the show. Tension levels are being maintained at a somewhat acceptable point. One time a listener called up to make a joke about how they could get more famous, and Ray started talking about how Ed doesn’t need that advice because he has a show in America and won an award and all of the comedy community is sucking his cock at the moment (word choice there is Ray’s, not mine), and Ed nearly begged the listener to change the subject, but it’s all right, they got out of the call and reset.

Anyway. I specifically said I’m not doing that in this post. Because the last couple of episodes have been very funny and quite a good time. Particularly this bit of episode 8, when they were soliciting entries in their “Magnificent Seven” competition. That’s a thing where every week, Ray comes up with seven categories of person, and tells listeners to call in if they fit into any of those categories, with the goal to find one person each for all seven categories. That week, a listener had Tweeted in to point out that the comedian Daniel Sloss might well fit into all seven categories, so they decided they wanted to call him and find out. But they couldn’t because they had the wrong phone number for him, despite having interviewed him the previous year so presumably they’d contacted him before.

Then Ray left the studio for a bit to have a cigarette, because that’s the level of professionalism going on in this show. While he was gone the guest arrived, who was a comedian I’d not heard of named Mark Smith. Ed chatted with Mark for a bit, played a song that he said Ray would refuse put on, they were having fun until Ray bursts back in in the middle of the song and demands to know why they are playing music without him. And announces that while he was gone he got Daniel Sloss on the phone. Hilarity ensues.

I normally hesitate to post clips from this show, particularly longer ones, because… I say it’s because it doesn’t seem fair to the comedians to post potentially bad stuff they said 10+ years ago without context, but it’s also because I barely want to admit on my own behalf to some of the shit I find incredibly funny on these shows. It’s one thing to describe it, another thing to show people. This phone call isn’t that bad – if there were anything very offensive in it I wouldn’t post it – but still, it's juvenile and stupid enough so I hesitate to admit how funny I found it. I’m doing it anyway, though. Hardest this radio run has made me laugh so far. I was listening in an empty classroom on break at work and I worried that I wouldn’t be able to laugh quietly enough to avoid being heard by my co-workers. I laughed so hard my chest hurt a bit. For pretty much the entire phone call.

I don’t know why I find unwarranted aggression so funny, but it really is. They did a similar thing to him last time, but for a shorter duration. In their run of Edinburgh 2013 podcast interviews, they did a relatively normal and non-confrontational one with Daniel Sloss for most of it, and then at the very end, Daniel Sloss mentioned that he doesn’t like vegetables, and Ray just decided to go off on him for no reason, and once again, it absolutely killed me at work.

I know some stuff about Daniel Sloss. It’s the only one I know about. My brother’s been a comedian for 13 years, lived in London for a year in 2012, and in Australia for a while, he’s done all kinds of things, the only insider gossip I’ve learned about any comedians from that is Daniel Sloss. And I will have the decency to not share all the details of that gossip, but I have to say, when my mother overheard my brother relaying this gossip to me, it led to what might have been the most sitcom-like conversation I’ve ever had in real life, as she asked us, “But how did that picture end up on her phone?” “Well, she had sex with him.” “What, did she stop in the middle to take a picture of it?” “No… no, he’s the one who took the picture.” “But then how did it get on her phone?” “…Messaging apps.” “People message that? Why?” Basically, Daniel Sloss is responsible for the time my brother and I had to explain to our mother how dick pics work. That fact made that radio phone call much funnier to me - I think that's the factor that tipped it into making me laugh so hard my chest hurt. Yes, Daniel, please listen to your friend Ray and have some decorum. How are people supposed to explain you to their mothers?

(The above paragraph does not count as me gossip mongering, by the way. It is hardly shocking news to say I hear Daniel Sloss had sex once. And he has an entire, fairly long routine in his latest stand-up special about how there are hundreds of his dick pics floating around out there since he sends them out so often. So I am not saying anything new about that. I would still like some credit for having discretion about the details).

That’s all I got from my bother in terms of gossip on famous comedians whose work I like, aside from that he once met Sam Campbell at a party in Melbourne and said he was a nice guy. Though after we had that discussion about Daniel Sloss a couple of years ago, we got talking about his work, and my brother said he once sent Sloss’ show Jigsaw to a girl he liked, telling her to watch it. And I said that I’ve actually done that too!

With my most recent ex-girlfriend, when we first connected on an app I said I wasn’t looking for a proper relationship, I don’t do those and haven’t tried one since I was 21 (I was 30 when this happened), I occasionally go on this dating app but am always extremely upfront that I’m only going to do things casually because my mental health can’t handle something serious, she said she was just out of a serious and terrible relationship so she was also enjoying being free from the psychologically taxing constraints of a serious relationship and she was in favour of just spending time together without expectations the way I wanted, and to illustrate what I meant, I sent her Daniel Sloss’s Jigsaw. This was nearly three years ago now, and I cringe when I think of it, that I would send anyone a comedy special, but maybe particularly that one, as a way to say “Let me share my soul with you” or whatever. Especially given how much annoying marketing Daniel Sloss has done around bragging unironically that he’s a dangerous comedian who ruined all those relationships by speaking dangerous truths in Jigsaw. All that marketing has made me sour a bit on a show that I loved when I first watched it. But I did send it to this woman, and she liked the show and told me she also wanted to be able to have something together that didn’t have all the things that make relationships so hard, and then we fell in love and decided that actually we could use the word “relationship” and “girlfriends” and just define it how we liked, and it was very very good for a bit over a year, and then it turned out that I was absolutely right the first time to think I need to stay out of serious romantic relationships because I can’t mentally handle them and will just end up ruining them. (I’m slightly worried that this implies I, like, cheated on her, or something. I didn’t. I just had a complete mental health breakdown at the end of 2022 and couldn’t ask her to deal with that so I broke up with her and then felt horrifically guilty for ages that I had ever let someone I love base their happiness on me remaining mentally healthy enough to maintain a relationship, even though I’ve always known I can’t keep that up. But anyway. I’m fine.)

But anyway, the point is that I told this to my brother, when he said he’d sent the show Jigsaw to a girl he liked, because I said that’s a coincidence, that we’ve both done that. But after I explained the story, he said… no, he sent that show to a girl he liked who had a serious boyfriend, in an effort to convince her to break up with her boyfriend, so he could try to date her instead. “You don’t send Jigsaw to a girl you like who’s already with you,” he said. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Looking back, a relationship starting by sharing that show might not be a good sign. Might have been a sign that it wasn’t going to work out.

Wow, I have hit a hell of a lot of topics in this post. I genuinely did not mean to hit most of these, I just wanted to share a very funny phone call on the radio. It doesn't matter, as no one's reading the Peacock & Gamble posts. A small handful of people read it when I post about Taskmaster or something, but no one's clicking on these ones, and I find that genuinely nice and freeing. I could write anything I wanted here. I could make a list of all the Britcom ex-couples I know of and specify whose side I'm on in each. I won't, but I tried just now to think of the most ludicrously inappropriate thing I could put on this blog, to illustrate the sort of thing it would only be fine to post if no one reads it, and that's the first thing I came up with. So I'm just saying I could do that, if I wanted to, and it would be fine.

I'm not even drinking right now. This seems like the sort of post I might have once made while drunk, but now that I'm trying to drink significantly less, I just have to post this sober. It’s funny when Ray Peacock yells at people for no reason. And I’m doing fine. That is the main thesis of this post.

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chaos-and-recover · 7 years ago

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all the asks. all of them.

I KNEW IT.

1: name 11 bands you listen to regularly

1. AFI2. Brian Fallon3. Anberlin4. The Gaslight Anthem5. Lucky Boys Confusion6. Jimmy Eat World7. July Talk8. The Rocket Summer9. 36 Crazyfists10. The Used11. Glen Hansard

2: is there a band with only one song you like?

Right now I have that stupid Sofi Tukker song from the iPhone X (red) commercial stuck in my head so that one. It’s catchy as fuck but I’m SO OVER the song of theirs from the original iPhone X commercial. So. That one I guess?

3: what is a very unpopular band you’re into? tell a little bit about them

Plain White T’s. Listen to me, I know they are not good and I know if we never heard Hey There Delilah live again we would all die happy but they are my boys, they have been my boys for 16 years, and I will always stand by them. They have never been anything less than great to me over those 16 years and I would take a bullet for each of them.

4: name a great band you recently discovered

I wanna say Creeper, whom I love, but there are also two bands who’ve been around a while I’m finally realizing how great they are/were - The Arkells and the Tragically Hip.

5: which rare recording of any band would you like to possess?

The Stranger Ways 7″ by Anberlin. It’s the ONLY THING I need to have a 100% complete Anberlin discography and it was only released as a bonus item for people who bought VIP on the Australian leg of their final tour and it HAUNTS ME. I fucking... need it. There’s been one for sale on discogs for a while but it’s like $200 and I cannot but eventually I’m gonna cave.

6: is there an artist whose solo career you prefer over their work with their band(s)?

I... can’t think of one? I love Glen Hansard solo more than I have ever been able to get into The Frames but The Swell Season is just... still... so good.

7: which is you favourite side project by any band member?

I probably have to be basic as hell and just say Blaqk Audio.

8: which song do you think should everybody listen to at least once in their lives?

Mourning Ritual - Bad Moon Rising (with my mans Peter Dreimanis of July Talk singing lead. It’s such a good cover. I love it so much.)

9: explain why your favourite song is your favourite song

I actually don’t know if I have just one favourite song but I guess Falling Slowly qualifies and I just... think it’s gorgeous? I just really love the line “You have suffered enough and warred with yourself, it’s time that you won.”

10: any bands you got into after seeing them live?

Milk Teeth would be the most recent, but also that’s how I got into Plain White T’s and it was from seeing them that I got into Lucky Boys Confusion and The Rocket Summer, so.

11: any bands your friends got you into?

I actually have a wildly different musical taste than most of my friends but I blame @sinceubeenjon for the 5SOS thing. Also 1D a little. And I got into Creeper because of a friend.

12: a band which is the only band from their genre you like?

clipping. is probably the only hip hop act I’m really into.

13: an unpopular opinion on which is your favourite song by any band?

The 1D fandom on this hellsite for some reason cannot appreciate the fact that Diana was the best song they ever had and I will not stand for it.

14: _th favourite song by your _th favourite band?

THESE NEED MORE SPECIFIC NUMBERS NICOLE. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THIS.

15: _th favourite album by your _th favourite band?

SAME.

16: favourite album artwork?

I still think the simplicity of Worship & Tribute by Glassjaw is brilliant.

17: favourite booklet design?

Anorexia & Nervosa by Showbread. Technically two different albums but similar in design and I just love having the story there to go with the music.

18: favourite concept album?

...Anorexia & Nervosa again. Criminally underrated. Y’all broke their brains not appreciating them lmao.

19: which bands would you like to see live one day?

I think I’ve actually seen pretty much everyone I’ve ever really wanted to?

20: which was the longest concert you ever attended?

I mean, aside from festivals, I did see Eric Church play for like three and a half hours straight. That was a time.

21: a musician whose music you enjoy but whom you dislike as a person or vice versa?

Music I enjoy but dislike as a person - I mean 3/5 Backstreet Boys are on thin fucking ice, so...

Person I like whose music I don’t - Ariana Grande kinda sounds like she’s good people but god am I ever not the target audience for her.

22: list 10 favourite songs by your top 10 bands (each)

LORD.

AFI:-Narrative of Soul Against Soul-Days Of The Phoenix-Veronica Sawyer Smokes-Paper Airplanes (Makeshift Wings)-Still A Stranger-Malleus Maleficarum-17 Crimes-Of Greetings & Goodbyes-The Interview-A Deep Slow Panic

Anberlin:-The Unwinding Cable Car-Atonement-A Day Late-Autobahn-Naive Orleans-Younglife-Losing It All-There Is No Mathematics To Love And Loss-To The Wolves-City Electric

Jimmy Eat World:-Dizzy-Firefight-Big Casino-Work-Kill-Drugs Or Me-The Middle-If You Don’t Don’t-A Praise Chorus-For Me This Is Heaven

The Gaslight Anthem:-Blue Dahlia-Mulholland Drive-The 59 Sound-Great Expectations-Here’s Lookin’ A You Kid-45-Boxer-Rollin’ and Tumblin’-We Came To Dance-Handwritten

The Rocket Summer:-Movie Stars & Supermodels-White Fireworks-FL, CA-Brat Pack-200,000-Skies So Blue-The Rescuing Type-Cross My Heart-You Are, You Are-Never Knew

MxPx:-I’m Ok, You’re Ok-My Life Story-Responsibility-Southbound-Middlename-Teenage Politics-Punk Rawk Show-Chick Magnet-Yuri Wakes Up Screaming-Move To Bremerton

36 Crazyfists:-Slit Wrist Theory-At The End Of August-Song For The Fisherman-11.24.11-I’ll Go Until My Heart Stops-The Heart And The Shape-We Gave It Hell-Rest Inside The Flames-Bloodwork-Time & Trauma

Lucky Boys Confusion:-Burn A Little Brighter-Stormchasers-Hey Driver-Mr. Wilmington-Fred Astaire-Do You Miss Me (Killians)-Commitment-Breaking Rules-I Slept With The Devil-Medicine & Gasoline

Plain White T’s:-Radios In Heaven-Stop-Breakdown-I-88-What If?-Please Don’t Do This-Take Me Away-Revenge-Penny (Perfect For You)-Shine

July Talk:-Johnny + Mary-Lola + Joseph-Strange Habit-Having You Around-Summer Dress-Headsick-Push + Pull-Beck + Call-Picturing Love-Guns + Ammunition

23: favourite singer (only for voice?) and favourite drummer/guitarist/bassist (only for playing their instrument)

Singer - Davey Havok, Peter Dreimanis or Adam LambertBassist - Alex Katunis (formerly of Incubus and bassist on all my favourite Incubus songs)Guitarist - Ian Docherty (July Talk)Drummer - Travis Barker, or my soft bird boy Danny Miles from July Talk who is so good and so pure.

24: favourite songwriter/lyric writer

Brian Fallon, Glen Hansard, Davey Havok

25: somebody you absolutely adore as both a musician and a person

Bryce Avary, aka The Rocket Summer, who is the light of my life and a literal ray of sunshine, whose music is so, so uplifting even when it gets a little dark and who has never not been a joy to be around. He’s so kind and so genuine and I love him so, so much.

#nikkihorrorxx

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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 8 years ago

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When is the first time Alex gets to actively help Kara (and/or Clark) in some kind of superhero crisis? (I presume she doesn't actually wait until she's 49, unlike what Kara's suggestion was in the babysitting fic, haha.)

You presume correctly:

OnMay 4th, 2004, Alex Danvers saves the world.

Byproxy.

Shedoesn't set out tosave the world, necessarily. If anything, she's more preoccupied withconvincing her mom to let her stay an extra day in Metropolis.

“School,”Eliza says firmly, over the phone.

“Mom,I'm like...five chapters ahead in bio,” Alex counters. Eliza hums.

“How'sthat history project coming along?”

“...Uh...”

“Mmmm-hmm.That's what I thought.” Alex groans, knowing she'll never win thisargument. Not if historyis involved. “Kara's flying you back tonightlike we planned. Got it?”

“...”

“Gotit?”

“Yeah...”

“Oh!That reminds me...is Kara there? Could you put her on? There's aresearch facility out in Nebraska, and if she could make a quickstop—”

“She'sbusy with a mugging downtown,” Alex interrupts, “but I can tellher. Just—” Alex scours the desk for a spare post-it note and apen. “Gimme a sec—”

Hersearch is interrupted by the sound of a muffled explosion. The DailyPlanet building trembles, andthe handful of people in the office stop what they're doing to lookout the windows.

Alex'shand freezes over the desk drawer.

“Um.Mom?”

“Yeah,sweetie?”

“I'll...callyou back.”

Alexhangs up without further explanation, and knows she'll be in for itlater.

But,as it is, there's a freaking spaceshiptearing up the financial district, so she's hoping her mom willunderstand.

“Go,go!” Perry yells, ushering everyone towards the stairs. Theexplosions continue, stronger this time around. A few people losetheir balance, tripping as the city shakes.

Alexhelps those closest to her, slowing to offer a hand, to make surethey reach the stairwell safely.

Oneof the art interns spots her and rushes over.

“Yougo,” he says, and takes over assisting so that Alex can leave.“I'll make sure they get out safe.”

“But—”Alex starts to protest.

“I'ma friend of Clark's,” the intern explains with a grin. “And Idon't think either Kent would forgive me, if I let Alex Danvers playhero while Brainiac blows up Forty-First Street.”

Thathe seems to know Alex, but that Alex doesn't know him,is enough to stun her into momentary compliance. When Perry corralsher down the stairs, along with the rest of the DailyPlanet staff, she doesn'tresist.

Theminute they're out on the street, though, and the shape of thesituation changes, Alex feels herself tense, and pull away fromPerry's side.

“You'rewith me, kid,” Perry says firmly, “until we can find yourcousin.” Kara never did get around to telling Perry the truth; he'sstill under the impression that Alex is somehow related to Clark andKara.

Alexwatches streams of people run through the streets, and glancesskyward. It's hard to tell through all the smoke, but she thinks shespots a red cape in the distance.

“...Okay...”Alex agrees, trotting after him. She's not scared. A little...ampedup, maybe. But not scared.

Kara'staking care of things.

Oncethey're several blocks away, Perry barks for the entire DailyPlanet brood to duck into a nearby sports bar, with the intentionof hunting down a TV.

“Seeif we can't get a better idea of what's going on,” he explains toAlex, even though Alex is perfectly capable of determining the reasonfor the quick detour.

Thereis a TV, mounted in the far corner, the screen fuzzy with static, butstill more or less functioning.

“Turnit to channel four,” Perry barks at the jumpy bartender, and then,under his breath, “hate bowing to the competition but Cat's gonnabe right in the middle of this.”

Sureenough, there's a live report, Cat Grant's face in the middle of thescreen.

“—pergirlappears to have the threat contained, but we'll keep monitoring the—”

There'sanother explosion. The camera shudders and tilts. Cat Grant swears onnational TV and people behind her are screaming.

“Notme you insufferable—look!” Perry and Alex watch as Catbasically wrestles the steady-cam from the operator and pointsit at the battle overhead. A swarm of—drones? Continue theirassault on the lone figure dressed in primary colors.

Theyaren't winning.

Untilthe large, looming spacecraft fires some sort of projectile pointblank at Supergirl.

Theaudio cuts out as the hero slams through two buildings. It's eerie,because they can all hear the far off echo of the destruction.

“—ackon—” the crew is trying to fix the audio as people on screenshout.

“Comeon, come on,” Perry mutters.

“—MonumentAvenue, in the middle of a crater—” now the crew is runningin the direction Supergirl was thrown, the audio only partiallyrestored. It cuts out, comes back on, fizzles and pops.

Blocksahead of the crew, a crowd is gathered.

Itfeels like it takes an eternity for Cat and her crew to get closeenough for the woman to grab someone by the arm and ask what's goingon.

“Supergirl'snot breathing.”

“...Thehell?” Perry yells at the TV. “Not breathing?” he turnsto look at Alex. “But that's not poss—kid?”

Alexisn't there.

Alexis currently sprinting as fast as she can toward Monument (she hopesshe is, anyway, it's not like she's committed a map of Metropolis tomemory or anything) because if Supergirl's not breathing...

She'llneed CPR.

She'llneed CPR and then she'll need that Martian guy to show up with hisblack ops team because apparently they've got medicalequipment that can treat Kryptonians.

(Alexis not supposed to know this. Her parents are not supposed toknow this. But Kara knows the Martian guy and he knows they'renot supposed to know so he makes sure...no one knows that they know.)

Humansaren't strong enough to administer CPR to a Kryptonian. And even ifthey could, they'd do it wrong.

“KAL!”She yells, hoping that Clark is listening, all the way out in Kansas.“KAL YOU COLOSSAL DORK, GET YOUR A—”

“Golimp!” Alex has exactly three seconds of warning beforeshe's being rocketed up, up, and away. “I didn't break anything,did I?”

Anyother day, Alex would tell Clark that he's the one with X-Rayvision, but there's no time for joking.

“I'mfine. We need to get to Monument.”

Clarknods, though he does hesitate a little as Brainiac drones buzz intohis peripheral vision.

Buthe trusts Alex, and he knows something is wrong. He thought Kara washandling the whole Brainiac problem, but apparently she needs anassist.

Clarkdoesn't slow his decent when they arrive. He just slams into theground beside Kara, who remains prone and unmoving at the bottom ofthe crater.

“Ohno,” he mutters. Alex doesn't let him freak out, though. They canfreak out later.

“Youhave to do chest compressions,” Alex says, pulling up the hood ofher sweatshirt as the crowd presses as close as the ruined pavementwill allow. Clark nods.

“To'Stayin' Alive,' right?”

“No.”

“...What?”

“That'sfor humans.”

“Thenwhat—?”

Alextries to remember what her parents said—what they'd been talkingabout, as they compiled information on the Kryptonian circulatorysystem.

“It's—faster.More like...” Alex taps a rhythm with her foot. Clark nods hastilyand begins. “Yeah, just—keep doing that.”

Andthen Alex pulls out her phone and dials her dad's number—theemergency number. The number that was never necessary beforealiens.

BeforeKara and Clark.

Hepicks up almost immediately.

“What'swrong.”

“Youneed to call the Martian guy,” Alex says, trying to keep her voiceeven. She tells herself everything's okay now, because Clark is hereand he's going to keep Kara's heart beating.

Butthat doesn't mean there aren't still robot drones and a freakingspaceship attempting to tear apart the city.

“Okay.”

“Dad,he's gotta get here fast.”

“Okay,Alex, okay. Are you somewhere safe?”

“Um.”Alex scratches her head. “I'm with Clark and Kara.” It's not alie.

“Okayjust...hang tight, kiddo.”

AndAlex would, she really, really would.

But,again. Drones and spaceship.

“Keepdoing the compressions,” she tells Clark, clambering out of thecrater. Clark yelps.

“What?!Al—uh. Ah. Youth I've never met before! You can't—”

“Help'son the way! You'll know it when you see it!” Alex calls, just as asquadron of drones swoops down, presumably to finish the job. “Hey!You—uh. Coluans?!” Alex thinks that's the right name.

Thedrones swivel around.

“Uh.”Alex fumbles with her phone. Coluans...they like technology. Theylike...possess it, or whatever. “Uh, uuuhhhh...you guys want this?Huh?!”

Shesuspects they probably don't, judging by the way they turn anddescend on the two Kryptonians.

SoAlex is forced to grab a bit of rubble and chuck it at them.

Someof the rocks hit their mark, some don't. Either way...

Thedrones are mad.

Theyturn and charge. Alex turns and charges as well—charges down thestreet, shoving people aside, vaulting over debris.

Herparents are going to kill her.

(Ifthe drones don't kill her first, that is.)

Andshe realizes, in retrospect, that this is a very dumb plan. Becausethe drones can fly. And outpace her. One zooms ahead and clipsher shoulder. Another aims to take her out by ramming her legs, andit's only because she had to clear a downed street sign that sheavoided having her knees busted.

She'svery nearly out of breath, and another drone slams into her frombehind. She tumbles forward. It's all over.

Butthen.

“Golimp!”

“Ithought we agreed on forty-nine.”

Alexstops picking at the bandage on her arm and glances over at Kara.

“Huh?”

“Forty-nine,”she repeats, shifting on the couch and wincing as her broken ribsprotest. “We agreed you'd start saving the world at forty-nine.”

“Idon't—” Alex tilts her head to the side.

“Right,yeah, I distinctly recall settling on that number,” Clark pipes up.He brings over a few mugs of hot chocolate—he feels a little guiltyfor breaking Kara's ribs. And letting a kid serve asdistraction for the bad guys.

(Again.)

“Youprobably don't remember,” Kara laughs at Alex's confusion. “Youwere pretty small.”

“Andtraumatized,” Clark says. Kara raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Okay.I was traumatized.”

“Wasthis the 'Sharon' incident?” Alex hedges a guess. Both Kryptoniansnod. “Yeah I don't...that was a while ago.”

“Verbalcontract's still binding,” Kara insists, reaching forward andinstantly regretting it. Clark helps her, meeting halfway with themug. “I'll let it slide this time. Since, you know. You didsave the world,” Kara doesn't bother to hide how proud she is.

“Ididn't,” Alex says, ducking her head. After the Martian guy swoopedin and helped revive Kara, the two cousins more or less sent Brainiacpacking. “Not really.”

“Yes,really!” Kara argues.

“And,and!” Clark interjects. “You saved it in a patently 'AlexDanvers' way; by throwing stuff at the bad guys.”

Clarkand Kara laugh, and Alex does too, though she doesn't reallyunderstand what's so funny.

Whatshe does understand, however, is that she's in for anear-full, because her phone rings loudly in her pocket. The tendigits scroll across the screen.

“It's Mom,” she cringes. Clark and Kara stop laughing and share a look.

“We'redead.”

#stranger replies #stranger writes #supergirl fic #cool aunt kara AU #Anonymous

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faithfulnews · 5 years ago

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March News Update

Almost all of us know someone who has rejected the Christian faith because of science. This month on television we will use the latest scientific evidence to reach people for Christ, and hope to strengthen your faith in God as well.

Did you know that modern science has discovered the universe had a beginning? Astronomer George Smoot from the University of California, Berkeley states, “What we have found is evidence for the birth of the universe.… It’s like looking at God.” This astounding revelation has enormous consequences.

For example, Nobel Prize winner Arno Penzias has declared, “Astronomy leads us to a unique event, a universe which was created out of nothing, one with the very delicate balance needed to provide exactly the conditions required to permit life, and one which has an underlying, one might say ‘supernatural’ plan.” Isn’t it interesting that the Bible says, “By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible” (Hebrews 11:3).

George Greenstein, in his book The Symbiotic Universe, talks about the implications of the universe having a beginning. He writes, “Is it possible that suddenly without intending to we have stumbled upon scientific proof of the existence of a Supreme Being?” The late Stephen Hawking conceded, “It would be very difficult to explain why the universe should have begun in just this way except as the act of a God who intended to create beings like us.”

If you have ever wanted to believe in God, but were concerned about contradicting known scientific facts, today’s science provides you reasons to believe God exists and powerfully created all things. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth” from Genesis 1:1 accurately describes what science has discovered.

This month on The John Ankerberg Show I’m airing a new series of programs on science with astronomer Dr. Hugh Ross. He is a PhD graduate from the University of Toronto, and has conducted postdoctoral research at Caltech on quasars. He is the author of numerous books on the origin of the universe, producer of the documentary Journey Toward Creation, and serves as president of the organization Reasons to Believe.

Science Discovers the Universe Had a Beginning

In our first series of four programs, called “Science Discovers the Universe Had a Beginning,” Dr. Ross presents the scientific evidence that has led astronomers to conclude the universe had a beginning, and how God has designed the universe in precisely the manner necessary for human life to safely live on earth. Further, you’ll learn how God positioned the planets Jupiter, Saturn, and Neptune to protect the Earth. You’ll also see how God has uniquely designed the sun, moon, and stars for our benefit.

Step by Step through Creation

In our second series, Dr. Ross and I will take you verse by verse through Genesis 1 and 2 in four programs entitled “Step by Step through Creation.” You’ll learn how the biblical account of creation can be reconciled with today’s scientific evidence. Further, we’ll share clips from Hebrew scholar Dr. Walter Kaiser explaining the meanings of some of the Hebrew words used in the account of creation.

Our Resources for You

This month, I’m offering an exclusive package of resources available only at the John Ankerberg Show. It includes our two series, “Science Discovers the Universe Had a Beginning” and “Step by Step through Creation” on Blu-ray and DVD for $49 each. Then, I’m including two new study guides that parallel our two television series. Each study guide contains four sessions for your personal study or Bible study group, and is available for a gift of $8 each, or for five or more copies, $5 each.

Further, we are making available the documentary movie Journey Toward Creation, which will transport you by state-of-the-art computer animation out into space and back in time through the solar system, past stars, galaxies, and quasars—all the way back to the moment the universe came into existence—and show you how God meticulously created and designed the universe. This updated second edition documentary movie is available on DVD for $30.

All 5 of these new resources are available together in a special package for your gift of $120 or more this month. See the enclosed card to order.

Audio Bibles Making Disciples of All Nations

The final words of Jesus challenge us to “make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19). However, as many as half of the world’s population remains functionally illiterate. Without an audio Bible, these people will likely never hear the gospel.

As we have shared the opportunity to provide audio Bibles, you have responded with overwhelming generosity. I have just received our latest update that shows our ministry together has now helped over 3.33 million people speaking over 120 languages in 40 nations are now in audio Bible listening groups each week!

This means each of these individuals is listening through the entire New Testament within a group setting. Surveys show approximately half of those in listening groups will become new believers. This means your gifts are helping over 1,665,000 people come to faith in Jesus.

Most of these new believers live where missionary activity is restricted. Yet God is working through your gifts and prayers to change lives in some of the most difficult places in our world.

Coming soon, I’ll bring you another update from Morgan Jackson and our friends at Faith Comes By Hearing. The stories of God at work through your partnership is offering new life to many who are hearing the Bible for the very first time. Thank you for helping fulfill the Great Commission!

Through the Book of Revelation with Dr. Jimmy DeYoung

I also hope you’ve enjoyed our recent series on Revelation with Dr. Jimmy DeYoung. You can still request parts 1 and 2 of “The John Ankerberg Show Presents Through the Book of Revelation with Dr. Jimmy DeYoung.” This collection includes eight full-length television programs on DVD and Blu-ray.

In addition, our package includes two new study guides to complement the two parts of the television series. Helpful for both personal study and small groups or classes, you’ll better understand Revelation and be able to live out its principles in your life.

All four of these resources, including part 1 and part 2 of our television series, as well as two new study guides, are available for your gift of $99. Please see the enclosed card for details.

For Those Still Waiting to Hear

I often end my letters with the phrase, “For those still waiting to hear.” Statistics show as many as 2.8 billion people have yet to hear the gospel. Together, God is working through us to change these numbers.

Never before has God opened such opportunities for us to work together to share the gospel. The same gospel that has changed us has the power to change others. Our Lord calls us to take this message to every person possible.

Our calling is not only important; it is urgent. Every day, around the world, about 153,000 people die. How many of them know the Lord? I want them all to have some chance to hear the gospel.

We may never know how many people we have reached until heaven, but we do know our mission is clear. Each day, I pray for you and our other friends to continue growing in the Lord and pursuing ways to help others hear about Him. I look forward to how God leads you to help this month.

For those still waiting to hear,

John and Darlene Ankerberg

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