#how dare you change old patterns
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gunsatthaphan · 11 months ago
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~ Monthly BL Breakdown: January 2024 ~ 
✨ Happy February!!! 🎭
Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post! 
New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns
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What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)
🌟 BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank In Hen - January 2nd (Japan) 
🌟 Ossan's Love Returns - January 5th (Japan) 
🌟 Refund Love - January 7th (Thailand) 
🌟 Time The Series - January 9th (Thailand) 
🌟 Intern in My Heart (BL side couple) - January 10th (Thailand) 
🌟 Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Although I Love You, and You) - January 11th (Japan) 
🌟 Beside You (mini series) - January 11th (Thailand) 
🌟 I Wish You Love - January 21st (Thailand) 
🌟 Happy Ending - January 23rd (South Korea)
🌟 Love for Love's Sake - January 24th (South Korea)
Monthly likes/dislikes
👎🏻 I've been catching up on some KBLs from last year this month and sadly most of them were very disappointing. I put a few on my watchlist that generally had good reviews but yeah let's just say I'm glad I didn't miss anything in the last 2 years lol. The only one I liked was Love Mate, the rest was pretty much pointless. Hopefully the upcoming ones will be better 🤞🏻
New series & movie announcements
🎥 Beating Again (dance-themed, starring Kaownah K., Earth K. and others) - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Unknown - Date TBA (Taiwan)
🎥 The Book Store - Date TBA (South Korea)
🎥 Term Begins - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Mafia Prince and the Bookworm - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Black Forest - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Go Alone With Me - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Can I Love You? - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 The Shining Star - Date TBA (Vietnam)
🎥 At My Fingertips (Unintentional Love Story spinoff) - Coming May 2024 (South Korea)
🎥 Connecting To You - Date TBA (Taiwan)
🎥 The Star (movie) - Coming March 2024 (Thailand)
🎥 What's the Nong? - Date TBA (Thailand)
Other news from the BL world
❗️ Actors Mike Chinnarat, Fluke Pusit, White Nawat, Pluem Purim and Lee Thanat have left GMMTV.
❗️ After Korean actor Choo Youngwoo won an award for "Best Rookie Actor" at the recent KBS Drama Awards, he came under fire for not mentioning his participation in the BL You Make Me Dance which launched his career and earned him the award.
❗️ Actors Jin Hoeun (All Of Us are Dead), Kwon Hyuk (The New Employee), Byun Junseo (Perfect Marriage Revenge) and Nam Yoonsu (Extracurricular) have been confirmed to star in the upcoming BL Love In The Big City, which portrays the life and love of an HIV-positive gay writer.
❗️ ZeeNunew and GeminiFourth won an award respectively for "Best Thai Artists" at this year's Seoul Music Awards.
❗️ The Chinese BL Stay with Me is getting an audiobook. The series furthermore recently confirmed its second season, further details are unknown.
❗️ Over a year after its initial premiere, the Thai BL To Sir, With Love won "Popular Foreign Drama” at this years's Vietnam Face Of The Year Awards.
❗️ The Thai BL Playboyy will no longer air on youtube after the suspension of the channel due to explicit sexual content. The show will continue to exclusively air on Gagaoolala, as well as RakutenTV.
❗️ Actors EarthMix had a cameo appearance in Ossan's Love Returns; they will star in the Thai adaption of the same name later this year. Details about the production are still unknown.
❗️ MileApo (KinnPorsche) were announced to star in the upcoming series Shine. The show is an extension/spinoff of Man Suang and focuses on Khem and Chatra's story in more detail.
Upcoming series & movies for February
👉🏻 Anti Reset - February 2nd (Taiwan)
👉🏻 Perfect Proposal - February 2nd (Japan)
👉🏻 City of Stars - February 2nd (Thailand)
👉🏻 Love Syndrome: The Beginning - February 8th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Baka Pwede pa? - February 9th (Philippines)
👉🏻 1000 Years Old - February 14th (Thailand)
👉🏻 My Strawberry Film - February 16th (Japan)
👉🏻 A Secret Love - February 17th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Unknown - February 24th (Taiwan)
👉🏻 Wedding Impossible - February 26th (South Korea)
👉🏻 Kiseki Chapter 1 & Chapter 2 - February TBA (Thailand)
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oblique-lane · 2 months ago
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Spy tf2 and his identity
Character analysis (or at least my vision on him, if you believe my reasoning)
What do we know about Spy? He's a disguise mastermind. He can pretend to be anyone in order to infiltrate into the scene to do his job - quite literally, stab people on the back. But when he's not in the battle, what is he to his teammates? A suave Frenchman, a gentleman with taste, somewhat a leader.
At least, that's the persona he prefers to show. But is he really..?
What if I tell you that this person never drops his disguise?
For a man who always wears a mask and who's identity being secret is a sacred part of his role in this job, isn't this persona too much to show if it is real? Frenchman, rich, ladykiller... Wouldn't it be too easy to decipher his identity with so much clues provided? Wouldn't it be dangerous?
While Miss Pauling and the Administrator definitely know Spy's real identity, hiding it is a major thing for whatever reason. One could assume it might be because of Scout (obvious guess) but I doubt he's a sole reason. Spy very much enjoys being the Spy all by himself. Do what's the deal?
Let's start from the beginning.
Why did Spy join Mann Co. in the first place?
Let's take this assumption as a fact: people come here out of desperation. They are professionals in their field, yet in their past/casual life there is a pattern of them having difficulties that push them into joining this service. I don't see why Spy would be an exception.
The reason for joining is usually money. Some people question why Spy, a wealthy man from higher society, would join Mann Co. if he has it all already.
Well, probably because he really does not.
Have you ever met an aristocrat? Wealthy people don't get so protective about their expensive suits, they can afford cleaning or a new one. Regardless, rich people don't usually get stingy about material goods, especially if they're mass produced.
At least, not those who were born into wealth.
Spy's defensiveness about his "wealthy stuff", his pomp-ness, disgust and arrogance towards "plebs" gives off a man who knows what it means to live in poverty and who doesn't want to be associated with it ever again.
(Not even talking about his own filthy habits such as not washing his mask and pissing on walls? Jesus Christ)
Dare I even guess that he might be not French at all? His French is so broken. (Although, so is Medic's German, but at least he uses his language much more frequently and in more complex sentences, while Spy only uses French to say some basic expressions, occasionally confusing them with other languages). Definitely not a native.
If anything, he's not giving "rich man" at all, he's giving con man. And that fits my picture perfectly.
So, poor upbringing. How old is Spy? If he's Scout's father (and he was young when he was conceived), I'd say he's no less than 20 years older than him. I'd give him a few more years actually. So, approximately Spy is around 50 at the events of the game (1968-1972). Let's assume he was born somewhere in the 1910s.
Even if he's not French, I still agree that he's probably European. Hmm, what was happening in Europe at the time Spy was a kid?
Oh yeah. The Great Depression.
See my picture: imagine, a child from a lower class family during the Great Depression, his parents were most likely to not take good care about him (both because of the economical situation AND as an echo to Spy's struggles with his own fatherhood). He has to run away from home early and start to make money. Any way possible.
Unavoidably, it leads to crime.
Petty theft, blackmail, scams. Changing identities. Selling low quality products and services. Changing identities again. When older, seducing rich women to stay at their homes overnight, be fed and supported. Running away from the police. Walking into a trap of the mafia, and then joining them as their goon.
In this nightmare of a life he just had to keep pretending to be someone else, someone better and stronger, in order to his ego to not completely shutter. He had to imagine he was an invincible mastermind trickster of some sort, not just a poor boo-hoo victim of poverty who has never knew normal life and care.
And if you pretend for long enough, you become your role eventually... Right?
His true self was long lost forgotten under many layers of new identities. Worse, his true self was never known. And he didn't want it to be known in its ugly and disgusting vulnerability. Narcissism became his lifeline.
It's so much better to be Spy. To be rich and elegant and respected. His ego rebuilt.
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megalony · 8 months ago
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You'll See Him Soon
This is an Eddie Diaz imagine, requested by anon. I hope you will all like it, I wrote this one so quickly. Let me know what you think.
Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17 @zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone
Eddie Diaz Masterlist
Summary: While (Y/n) pops by the station, her and Eddie both end up getting shot. And the team race to get them both to the hospital before they lose them.
Enjoy.
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"So, lunch on Tuesday?"
A grin broke out on (Y/n)'s face and she turned to the right, looking over at her big sister with a smile.
"Yep. You know we'll have to invite Buck though, right?" (Y/n) laughed at the way Maddie rolled her eyes.
They had gone out today on a girl's day while Evan, Eddie and Chimney were all on shift. That was all well and good, but it made Evan feel left out. Whenever they went out together on a girl's day, they ended up going to the movies or going out for lunch another day with Evan. The three of them were a close-knit sibling unit and Evan seemed to think girl's day should also include him.
"Hm, I know." She cast a sly grin across at (Y/n) before she looked ahead and turned the next corner.
"You can just drop me at the station, you know. Eddie will be finished by now and he said he'd give me a lift home." They were only three minutes away from the station and it saved Maddie having to go past her flat to get to (Y/n) and Eddie's place.
It meant she could just drop (Y/n) here and make the short trip home and (Y/n) would go home with Eddie. As long as he wasn't currently out on a call but even if he was, (Y/n) would just wait at the station for him.
"Don't forget to ask Eddie and Buck about getting that night off next month."
(Y/n) groaned and pressed her temple against the window at the mere mention of what was going to happen next month. She could feel a headache forming behind her eyes at the thought.
"If they don't get it off, I'll be down at the station with them." (Y/n) could hear her sister laughing, but she wasn't joking. She was being serious. If neither of the boys got that night off, (Y/n) would be joining them and hanging out at the station for the night.
There was no way (Y/n) and Maddie could get through dinner with their parents without Eddie and Evan there with them. It wasn't often that they saw their parents nowadays and that was how the three siblings liked it.
But (Y/n) knew when she told them she was pregnant, they would want to come down and see them all. She had been surprised they hadn't come down sooner, but they were finally coming down for three days next week and (Y/n) was dreading it.
"At least they're happy this time… they're excited." Leaning across the console, Maddie rested her hand on (Y/n)'s leg and gave her a little shake to make her smile.
"Yeah, after they said I wasn't old or mature enough to be Chris's mum. Now this is 'their grandchild' they've changed their tune."
(Y/n) kept her head against the cold glass that felt soothing to her skin. She dared to glance her eyes down and her expression softened when she looked at her bump. Her fingers danced over her abdomen and she started drawing aimless patterns like Eddie had started to do recently. (Y/n) didn't realise how attached to her stomach Eddie would be until she finally started to show.
Not long before she and Eddie got married last year, her parents had tried telling her- in front of Eddie- that she wasn't mature enough to be a mother to Chris. And she had seen the conflict in their eyes when Chris called her mum. They didn't see how much it meant to (Y/n) that Chris thought of her as his mother.
Because she was the youngest sibling, they thought she was somehow incompetent at doing anything.
Only now it was different because (Y/n) was the first one out of the three of them to have a child. Her parents had changed their minds because they could see (Y/n) was the happiest she had ever been with Eddie and she was settling down. They were going to be grandparents and it sparked a small change in them.
Although (Y/n) knew if they dared say anything when they came down, Eddie would blow a fuse.
"So… have you thought of any names yet? I think-"
"We are not calling her Maddie." (Y/n) shook her head and shot a glare across at her sister who was just about to turn into the station car park.
"Why not?"
"Because it's your name. It's bad enough Buck's trying to hustle in and pitch Evelyn for a name. We're not naming her after anybody."
(Y/n) had seen Eddie's eyes light up when they went to their scan two weeks ago and found out they were having a girl. She knew he had been hoping for a girl and she could already tell their daughter would have Eddie wrapped around her little finger.
But the couple were starting to regret telling people because they were all coming up with names and ideas left, right and centre. Evan had been bummed they couldn't name the baby after him, until he realised Evelyn was close to his name and kept pestering Eddie to pick that name. And even though Maddie was joking, she had pitched Madeline to them a few times.
God knows there wasn't anyone on (Y/n)'s side of the family she would want to name her daughter after- except for her big sister. But (Y/n) couldn't handle two Maddie's and getting confused and having to come up with nicknames for each of them.
And she had asked Eddie if he had anyone on his side that he thought about naming their daughter after, but he wasn't keen on the idea. They wanted something original. A name no one else in their friendship circle had.
"Fine," Maddie huffed with a roll of her eyes as she parked up and whipped off her seatbelt. She turned to the left and looked over at (Y/n) with a tender smile before she danced her fingertips across (Y/n)'s stomach. And her smile brightened when (Y/n) moved her hand down so she could feel the baby wriggling. "Well what about Dolly, because she'll be as cute as a little doll."
"I'll think about it." (Y/n) would admit that it would be sweet to call her Doll or Dolly, especially if she was small and delicate. But knowing their luck, they would agree on that name and then either their daughter wouldn't suit the name when she was born or she wouldn't be a small baby.
She gave Maddie's hand a squeeze and grinned, but just as she took off her belt and looked to the left, a pair of hands slammed against the window.
(Y/n) screamed as Maddie gasped and reeled back in her seat with a frown when they both realised it was only Eddie.
He had a wolfish grin on his lips while he crouched down to look through the window. He seemed to make it his mission to give (Y/n) a fright recently and she was sure it was because he loved to make her scream and liven up the baby.
"Eddie!" (Y/n) hissed and slammed her hand down on the window before she moved her hand to her chest, trying to regain back her breath.
Her brows furrowed into a deep frown as Eddie opened the door and when he held his hand out for her, she batted it away and climbed out. "Don't do that! Do you want me to have a heart attack?"
She gave his shoulder a shove and tried to glare at him, but it was hard when he grinned down at her with such a wide smile that his cheeks and eyes creased. And when he leaned over and wormed his arms around her waist and reeled her into his chest, (Y/n) didn't have the effort to push him away.
"No, just keepin' you on your toes, baby."
His palms pressed flush against her back and he pulled her into him until their chests were touching and (Y/n) had to hold onto his shoulders to steady herself. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes on him when his lips attached to the side of her neck "Look what you've done," She muttered quietly, reaching behind her to hold Eddie's wrist and move his hand from her back until his palm was pressed into the side of her stomach.
"She's happy to see me." He grinned against her neck and bared his teeth, lightly grazing against her neck until (Y/n) gave his shoulders a squeeze and started to squirm in his arms.
He lifted his head up so he could kiss the side of (Y/n)'s temple and his arms curved back around her. Keeping her pinned into his chest and when she curled her arms around his neck to hug him, he started to sway them both from side to side. And Eddie turned his head to the left, grinning over at Maddie as she got out the car and leaned against the door with a grin and raised brows.
"Did you two have fun?"
"We went for lunch, then we saw a movie."
They hadn't made any plans today, they had decided to have a girls day but see what they felt like doing when they went out. Both of them had been hungry, so they tried a new restaurant for lunch and then decided to go to the movies. It had been a while since they had gone out together and seen a movie and it was something they used to do every weekend when (Y/n) was younger.
"Someone had to leave the screen twice for a drink refill. Little miss lemonade with lime cordial."
(Y/n) rolled her lips together and looked up at Eddie through her lashes when he scrunched his nose in distaste and gave her an odd look.
"You don't like lime juice." That wasn't something Eddie had ever known (Y/n) to drink and it was an odd combination. And it wasn't like (Y/n) to go and get a refill drink either, she barely drank enough during the day to keep her going so it was a nice surprise to hear she kept getting another drink.
"Hm, your daughter does," Maddie chirped with a wide grin before she looked down at her watch. "Right, I'd better love you and leave you, I'll see you both at the weekend for games night. Tell Buck I said hi."
When Maddie climbed back in the car and blew a few kisses their way, they stood back and waved her off.
"Is your shift over?" (Y/n) dragged her eyes up and down Eddie's frame, only just realising that he was still in his starched navy trousers and button up shirt. Her fingers dug down into his shoulders and she tilted back a little when Eddie leaned his chest against hers and stole a deep kiss from her lips.
"Hm, just gotta get changed, then we can go home." He could see that was music to (Y/n)'s ears.
Sitting down in a movie theatre was all well and good, but (Y/n) was starting to feel tired already and she hadn't done that much today. She wanted to go home, make tea and slump on the sofa with her boys.
"So, was the movie any good?" Eddie curved his left arm around (Y/n)'s waist to keep her tucked up into his side as they walked round to the front of the station. He stuffed his other hand into his pocket and pressed his lips to the top of (Y/n)'s head when she leaned her cheek against his shoulder.
"Yeah, but I missed the ending queuing for the toilet." In all honesty (Y/n) had missed a few crutial parts of the film when she went to go get another drink, twice. And then she had to hurry out twice for the toilet and the queue had been horrendous at the end. It was lucky she was only five months along with the baby or she wasn't sure she would of been able to wait as long as she did for the queue to go down.
She could feel Eddie laughing into her hair as both their steps came to a halt when they noticed Hen, Chimney and Evan all gathered in a little circle just outside the station doors.
"What kind of meeting is this?" (Y/n) quipped with a grin and she leaned over when Evan looped his arm around her shoulders and reeled her under his wing for a hug.
"Shift change-over. Me and your hubby are leaving, these two are staying for the next four hours." Hen hitched her bag higher on her shoulder and smiled triumphantly as if she had just won a game.
They were all out here because the trucks were being restocked and the ambulance was out on a call. It was quieter out here than inside where everyone was hustling and bustling to stock up and clatter and change over. And Hen was getting ready to leave whereas Chimney and Evan were taking a breather before they went back in for the rest of their shifts.
"So, how's Evelyn?"
(Y/n) rolled her eyes and unhooked her brother's arm from her shoulders before she crossed her arms over her chest. But she smiled when Eddie reached behind her to give Evan a light shove.
"I've told you, we're not naming her after you." He gave Evan a pointed look before he moved his hands to his hips and leaned his head to one side. It didn't matter how many times Evan tried or how much he pestered. Eddie's first daughter was not going to be named after his brother-in-law.
(Y/n) leaned into Eddie's left side, trying to hide her grin when Chimney started to laugh.
"Debatable." Evan remarked with narrowed eyes before he looked back down at his little sister. He wasn't giving up just yet; he could pester them for a lot longer to see if they would give in and go along with the name he had chosen. "So, how is she?"
"She's fine."
"So, are you two-"
Whatever Hen was about to say tapered off when a sharp, shrill noise cut through the air and shifted the atmosphere around them.
A gunshot.
Nobody knew where it came from. They didn't know who fired, where they were standing, what kind of shot it was that was directed at them. Or who the shot was aimed for.
Terror dug its claws into (Y/n)'s chest and ripped out her lungs when her head turned to the right.
It was Eddie. Eddie was the one who got shot. She didn't see the bullet hit him, but (Y/n) knew the moment he had been hurt; his left hand clawed into her back and made her wince. She knew by the way his fingertips punctured into her hip and how his hand fisted her flesh like he was trying to tear a chunk off that the pain hit him instantly.
She didn't see the shot, it happened far too quick to see the bullet fly through the air or see it hit her husband. But when Eddie's shirt around his right shoulder started to turn berry-red, it ignited (Y/n)'s heart until she was matching the pulse rate of a hummingbird.
Her hands grappled for Eddie, holding his back and scrunching her other hand up in his shirt over his chest to try and keep him upright, but she couldn't.
His name passed her lips like a whisper in the wind and when Eddie's lips parted, (Y/n) could hear the quiet breath he huffed.
There was no expression on his face, his eyes weren't in focus, they were dazed and staring ahead into the distance. His lips parted but he wasn't saying anything and he was barely breathing. It was like someone had refreshed his system and he was completely blank.
But he couldn't stay upright. It felt like hours had passed when barely a second ticked by from the bullet entering his shoulder to Eddie's body tilting backwards.
"Eddie-" (Y/n) curled her hands into fists around his shirt but she couldn't hold him up. He fell too swiftly and with too much weight for (Y/n) to try and keep him on his feet. Her body shuddered and she winced when his fingers stayed puncturing into her back where she knew she would have bruises later.
He crashed down on his back on the pavement, his head bouncing against the concrete slabs harsh enough that it should have cracked his head open.
(Y/n) snapped her eyes closed on instinct when she started to fall with him but a scream burned at the back of her throat when it felt like the back of her right thigh had suddenly been torn apart or bitten by a rabid dog.
Her knees crashed into the floor and her hands shook against Eddie's chest as she landed with a crash so forceful it sent all the blood down to her legs and her head started to spin. Black and white spots danced in front of her eyes and she let her head bash down into Eddie's chest, gasping to try and keep herself awake and alert, but everything was on fire.
(Y/n) could feel every pounding beat her heart thrashed out. She could feel her heartbeat beneath every inch of her skin and her pulse throbbing in her ears. She felt like her head was going to explode. Bells were ringing in her ears along with her heartbeat. Hot coals surrounded her body that felt like it was melting and scorching hot.
Her knees were aching- her right thigh felt like it had been shredded to ribbons.
"Eddie… Eddie, baby," Words dripped past (Y/n)'s lips but she barely heard her own voice.
She tried to focus herself and move but everything began to shake. Her hands were trembling up and down like she was doing some odd kind of dance but she managed to cradle Eddie's face between her trembling palms. Her thumbs swiped across his face and she tried to tilt his head in her direction.
His eyes were still open but they weren't focusing properly, he was looking through (Y/n) rather than at her. But he was awake. (Y/n) needed him to stay awake.
It was only then that (Y/n) managed to get her ears into focus and she realised she could hear voices around them. She remembered it wasn't just her and Eddie in this situation. Her brother and their team were here too.
"Cap we've got a shooter!"
"Get inside-"
"Eddie's been hit!"
"Get inside- get them inside now."
Hands grappled with (Y/n)'s shoulders and a quiet "No," tumbled past her lips when she felt a chest pressing down into her back and whoever it was nudged her to the side.
She wasn't sure who was holding her back but she began to cry. She had to stay with Eddie. Why weren't they letting her hold Eddie? She had to make sure he was okay and somehow get him inside. (Y/n) had to stay with him; they couldn't try and tear them apart like this.
His name tore past (Y/n)'s lips again and her hands tried to latch around her brother's bicep when Evan crouched in between her and Eddie.
He was working on overdrive. Evan could barely move from the amount of adrenaline that was shooting through his system and it made him feel sick. His thighs burned from how he was crouched, balancing on the heel of his boots while his trembling arms grabbed his brother in law. He looped Eddie's arm around the back of his neck and dug his fingers into Eddie's good shoulder like tallons.
His left hand grabbed Eddie's hip and with some effort, Evan hoisted his brother up onto his shoulder.
"Go!" He all but roared, waving his arm out for Hen and Chimney to get inside with (Y/n). He needed his sister inside with them. She had been hurt too and Evan wasn't sure where she had been hit. He could see the blood soaking down both her legs and pooling on the floor and he dreaded to think where it was coming from.
His legs shook as he bolted through the open doors, trying to stay hunkered down low so he and Eddie were less of a target for anymore bullets. But he heard another gunshot ricochet against the shutters and it made Evan cower.
Why was someone shooting at them? What had they done? They were emergency responders, they saved lives, they didn't take them. There was no reason for someone to be taking revenge out on them.
Why had they shot Evan's family?
"Eddie-" (Y/n) felt a pair of hands on each of her arms and she let them lift her up but as soon as she was on her feet, she screamed.
A banshee howl left her lips and she coiled her right leg up off the floor. Standing on both feet felt like a knife was slicing down from her hip to her toes. Someone was cutting her in two. Someone had taken her husband away from her. She needed to get him back.
Her foot bent at an awkward angle beneath her and she tried to hop on her left foot, dragging her right leg behind her like it was a third, useless limb she didn't need. Her head flopped forward, gluing her eyes to the floor that was littered with tiny flecks of blood like someone had walked by eating strawberries.
Her hands dug into Chimney's arm and shoulder and if she had the energy, (Y/n) would have tried to tell him she could walk. She would of tried to hold herself up if she wasn't drowning in panic.
She barely felt Hen run past her to open the truck doors.
Hen climbed in the back of the truck. Bobby climbed in the driver's seat. Evan and Chimney dragged their family towards the truck. It was their only mode of transport to get out of here and make their way down to the hospital when the ambulance was already out on a call and was far too small to transport them all.
(Y/n) could hear Bobby shouting orders, but his voice sounded quiet and distant like he was shouting from the other side of a lake.
"Lockdown the station when we leave! Nobody in, nobody out!"
A groan rumbled through Eddie's chest and vibrated against the back of his throat when he felt himself suddenly being tilted backwards.
He could barely comprehend why he was suddenly being lifted up by Evan or where he was being taken. The view of the station was blurred. Everything looked like a watercolour painting but the paints were too runny and blending together. Eddie couldn't make sense of anything.
His lungs stuttered and clenched when he was hoisted off of Evan's shoulder and he was held up on his feet by someone behind him and Evan in front of him, gripping his wrists so tightly he was going to snap them.
Evan climbed up the steps, leaning backwards to keep Eddie's weight and keep him stood up. And when he was up, Evan carefully twisted Eddie to the left and laid him down over the seats. He could see the movement sent Eddie's whole body convulsing and he gasped for breath at the feeling of his shoulder coming into contact with the chairs.
"Okay come here; I gotcha." Spinning on his heels, Evan reached his hands down and held onto (Y/n)'s forearms while Chimney stood behind her. She was much easier to manouevre than Eddie, she was alert and responsive and somewhat helpful.
Her nails scratched into Evan's forearms and a choked sound rumbled past her lips when he pulled her up. When her foot caught on the top step, waves of electricity flowed through (Y/n)'s leg and spots danced in front of her eyes as her head fell forward into her brother's shoulder.
"Cap, go, go!" Hen bashed her fist on the roof before the truck came to life and they all jostled forward as Bobby shifted into gear.
(Y/n) thrashed her arms out until her hands planted down on the seats and she let her weight fall down until she was on her knees in the footwell. She stretched her right leg out behind her, trying to ignore the throbbing pain that felt like her whole leg was vibrating with her heartbeat.
It was as if her leg was hanging on by a thread that was about to snap. (Y/n) wished it would. If that thread tore, it might take away the pain. She just wanted it to stop so she could focus on Eddie. He was her priority.
Her chin pressed down on Eddie's good shoulder and her trembling hands clutched his shirt so tightly she popped the first three buttons open.
Her head was pounding. Her eyes couldn't see anything more than Eddie, blurs and stars twinkled all around him like he was an angel or a vision from Heaven. She leaned closer to him when Evan hovered beside her. Evan held onto the headrest to hold himself up while he leaned over Eddie's chest and pressed a large pack of gauze down on the bullet wound.
He winced when Eddie coughed and groaned and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Eddie's head lifted up when pressure pushed down on his shoulder and felt like a hand was physically breaking through the muscle to touch the most sensitive nerves around his bone.
The pressure set something off inside Eddie's body; an extra dose of adrenaline coursed through him and made him a little more alert.
"Are you hurt?" Eddie's voice was gruff as he grunted and managed to flop his head to the left to look over at (Y/n).
He blinked slowly and tried to prize his eyes open wide so he could look her up and down but his vision was going blurry. He was glad his good arm was closest to (Y/n). He flopped his arm off the chair and slumped his hand onto her arm so he could trail his tremoring fingertips over her body.
She had blood smears on her shirt, but he couldn't find an entry wound. She had blood on her face but he couldn't see any cuts. Her breaths were shallow and her body was trembling but Eddie didn't know where she had been hurt.
His fingertips moved down until his hand touched her abdomen and he kept his unfocused eyes on (Y/n) to watch any change in her expression. He moved his hand from left to right, becoming more frantic with each second when she didn't say anything and no one told him if she was hurt or not.
"S-she okay?" Eddie tipped his head back into the seat and coughed when Evan applied more pressure. He was going to bust his shoulder if he pressed down any more than this.
But he tried to look back at (Y/n) when he realised she was only clutching his shirt with one hand. He felt her other hand hold his wrist and press his hand down on her stomach to make him stop checking frantically.
"She's okay."
(Y/n) did her best to smile, despite the tears that were pouring down her face and each breath she took which hitched higher and higher than the last.
Her eyes stayed focused on Eddie, but when she felt Hen applying pressure to the wound on the back of her right leg, (Y/n) couldn't help but cry out. A scream cut past her lips and her eyes snapped closed as she smothered her face down against Eddie's shoulder to try and stay awake when it felt like she was going to pass out.
"Where's she hurt?" Evan took the words right out of Eddie's mouth while he leaned over to try and look his sister up and down. He had seen her fall and heard her cry out, but he didn't see a bullet hit her. Evan had to assume she was hit from the pain she was in and the way she was starting to deteriorate the same as Eddie.
"Right thigh, just above her knee. Someone give me their belt, I need to stop the bleeding."
Chimney leaned back on his heels and yanked his belt free from his trouser loops and handed it over. He moved his hands to (Y/n)'s shoulders and tried to comfort her and keep her still as he moved to press his fingers against her neck to check her pulse.
Another scream mixed with a tepid cry coursed through the air when the belt sank into (Y/n)'s leg like teeth chomping down on her flesh. She could feel her leg and her foot pulsing and throbbing and vibrating like she was a boombox screaming out a beat.
But when (Y/n) lifted her head from Eddie's shoulder, she could see his eyes rolling near the back of his head and his breaths started to pick up and become fast and shallow.
"Just hang in there, two minutes, okay? Stay with us, Eddie." Evan gave Eddie's neck a jostle and tilted his head from side to side to try and keep him conscious. He couldn't fall asleep on them, he had to stay awake and conscious until they got him to the hospital. Why couldn't he stay awake like (Y/n)? He needed to stay alert with them.
"You're gonna be okay, baby." (Y/n) couldn't keep her voice level and she hiccupped through her words as she tried to push closer into the chairs to be next to Eddie.
She swiped her eyes and nose against her sleeve but she could feel her head filling up with air like a balloon. She wanted to go to sleep. She wanted everything to stop. She wanted Eddie to wake up properly and be okay. (Y/n) wanted to rewind time and usher them all inside so nobody got hurt.
Why did it have to be Eddie?
Her hand moved to cup the side of his face and she swiped her thumb across his jaw while her other hand dragged through his hair, brushing the curls away from his eyes. She knew he loved it when she carded her fingers through his hair. Maybe this would keep him awake with her.
"We're here! Eddie, come on let's go. Don't you fall asleep on me."
Eddie's head tilted back and he choked, barely able to breathe when he found himself laid back over Evan's shoulder once again. His left hand tried to reach out, but Evan was moving too fast for Eddie to comprehend. He could taste (Y/n)'s name on his lips and feel the way his nerves tingled when he tried to say her name, but it didn't make a difference. He couldn't see her anymore.
Bobby pressed his hand to the back of Eddie's neck and helped Evan carefully lower him down onto the stretcher that was already waiting for them to arrive. Two nurses and a doctor smothered Eddie with an oxygen mask and a pulse monitor on his finger before they began to move him.
A frown pulled on Evan's lips when Eddie gripped his wrist weakly and gave a sharp tug. "What? What?"
Evan tried to move with him but they moved Eddie too fast and his grip wasn't strong enough to pull Evan along with them. But he heard that one word that spluttered past Eddie's lips.
"(Y/n)."
Leaning down, Hen curled her arms around (Y/n) and pulled her back when she tried to crawl forwards after Eddie. Shallow, gasping breaths left (Y/n)'s lips and her hands scratched against the metal floor as she tried to drag herself to the door.
"Eddie-"
"He's with a doctor, which is where we need to take you. He'll be okay, you're both gonna be okay." Chimney reached down for (Y/n)'s left arm and looped it around the back of his neck before he carefully stood up and the pair of them lifted (Y/n) up between them.
Each gasping, startling cry she let out made them wince and they could feel her shaking back and forth between them like she was hypothermic.
Chimney slowly climbed down the steps but he paused when Evan appeared in front of them like an omen. He held his arms out and reached up for (Y/n), taking her weight for her to help her down from the truck.
"We need another stretcher over here! Pregnant lady with a gunshot wound!"
Both (Y/n)'s hands moved to grip Evan's biceps and she tried tilting her head back to look up at him but it only made spots flash in front of her eyes. She could feel her knees buckling and giving in and she was sure she would be laid out on the floor at any given moment.
"Eddie… I w- wh- where's Eddie?"
"It's okay, you'll see him soon. Let's g-"
That was all she needed to hear. Those words acted as a switch in (Y/n)'s brain and everything started to shut down.
Panic sparked through Evan's body like a wildfire when (Y/n)'s head slumped onto his arm and her body went down. He deadlocked his arms around her waist and lifted her up, pinning her chest against his to stop her from hitting the floor while they waited for another stretcher to be rushed over to them.
Evan leaned down and looped his right arm beneath (Y/n)'s legs, cringing and gagging when he felt the blood instantly soak onto his skin and drip down between his fingers.
Oh God.
***
I'm not staying here.
With that thought in mind, (Y/n) tiredly looked around the room she was in and pursed her lips.
She didn't want to be here.
She didn't want to stay here on her own.
The only reason (Y/n) had managed to stay here last night was because she had been dosed up on morphine which knocked her off her senses. She had become coherent enough this morning to realise she was in the hospital.
She was in a small room on her own. Eddie wasn't here. He was somewhere on this floor, in this ward, but he wasn't here. (Y/n) couldn't sleep on her own. She couldn't stand being anywhere on her own and right now, she was alone at night. Evan and Maddie had visited her and stayed with her until the nurses told them they had to leave and come back in the morning.
None of the nurses listened when Maddie told them (Y/n) was liable to try and leave. They thought she was too hyped up on morphine to try and leave, but that was what she was going to do.
Everyone who had been to visit her today had told her Eddie was okay. He had recovered from surgery, his shoulder joint hadn't been hit by the sniper, it was just the muscle that got damaged. Eddie was awake and on the same pain meds as she was and (Y/n) knew Chris was safe at home. And Evan was staying at their house so Chris didn't have to leave the comfort of home so he would feel better without his parents there.
Her hands moved to her face and she brushed away the tears she had been shedding for the last half an hour. All (Y/n) had done since her siblings left was cry. She hated being alone. She couldn't sleep alone at night. The only reason she slept at home when Eddie was on a night shift was knowing that Chris was in the next room.
"I want Eddie."
If she didn't see him, she was going to go insane.
All (Y/n) could see when she closed her eyes was the image of Eddie on the floor with a mixture of their combined blood mingling together against the concrete. How would she know if he was truly okay if she didn't see him with her own eyes?
How did she know her friends and family weren't just lying to her to keep her calm?
Sitting herself up, (Y/n) looked down at the IV line capped into her left hand as she took deep breaths to stop herself from crying. With minimal effort, she paused the IV machine and twisted the cap until it disconnected from the needle in her wrist. She could easily reattach it whenever she decided to come back to this room later.
It took some effort for her to swing her legs over the side of the bed and (Y/n) grimaced at the hospital gown she was wearing.
Maddie promised to bring her and Eddie some of their own clothes tomorrow when she came down to visit them.
The moment her feet touched the floor, (Y/n) grimaced. The morphine didn't take all the pain away. Granted, it had done yesterday, but recovering from the anaesthetic probably helped numb everything else.
When she was up on her feet, (Y/n) stretched both arms out and hobbled over to the wall. She planted her hands down on the wall, lifted her right leg until her toes barely scraped the floor, and started to hop. It was a lot of effort and her stomach churned and twisted, but she had to persevere.
She had to find Eddie.
More tears stained her face as she quietly opened the door and hobbled out. It felt like she was a cripple with only one leg. Her right leg was practically useless in this state anyway and the nurses hadn't found her a walker or any crutches yet. They were supposed to be trying to get (Y/n) up and out of bed tomorrow, but she needed to move around now so she could find her husband.
(Y/n) crossed to the other side of the corridor so she was leaning on the wall on her right. Her shoulder and arm pinned into the wall as if she was about to slouch down to the floor and she hopped and shuffled along, trying not to make a sound so no one noticed. She could always say she was going to the bathroom if anyone asked.
Her eyes squinted in the dim light to read the names written in whiteboard marker outside each room.
She scanned along them and passed about five different rooms until her heart jumped into her throat and her eyes locked on a familiar name.
Diaz.
Here he was. She'd found him.
Her teeth sank down in her lower lip as she dragged her limp, useless leg behind her and crossed to the room opposite. She was relieved Eddie wasn't on a ward. It wouldn't do her any favours to be sneaking into the men's ward in the middle of the night when she didn't know who else would be in there.
She opened the door as quietly as she could and peeked her head round. (Y/n) wasn't sure what she thought she was going to see. Maybe she thought Eddie would somehow get visitors to stay through the night with him whereas she wouldn't. Or maybe she thought he wouldn't actually be in here, that this was a mistake and something had happened to him like she dreaded.
But when she hobbled over the threshold and looked ahead, her stomach started to flutter with adrenaline and she scratched her hand across her neck to remind herself to breathe.
There he was. He didn't look comfy. It wasn't like Eddie to sleep on his back, it wasn't something he did. When they were at home (Y/n) was used to him laying in funny positions with one leg hanging off the bed or she would wake in the morning to have him wrapped around her like a second blanket.
But here Eddie was, laid uncomfortably on his back with his right arm pinned to his chest in a sling. He had pushed the cover down so it barely covered his knees and he had his good arm flopped above his head on the pillow.
(Y/n) knew he was a light sleeper so she turned and shut the door with a little pressure to wake him rather than stand beside him and frighten him awake.
His head snapped forward within a second and he groaned, clicking his neck from left to right while his eyes adjusted to the dim light seeping in from the corridor.
"Baby?" Eddie's voice was gruff and deep. He lifted his arm from the pillow and dragged his hand across his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Before he moved to look at his left arm. He wasn't connected to an IV; they took him off it just before he went to sleep and said they would start him on another one in the morning.
He wasn't dosed on morphine anymore, conjuring up the image of his wife in front of him to make himself feel better. So why was she here? She should be back in her own room. Resting. Safe and sound until one of the nurses finally listened to Eddie's beligerent badgering about taking him down to see his wife.
"Baby… what are you doing?"
He pushed himself up so he was sitting up in bed, rubbing at his stiff neck before he squinted at her through his lashes. He watched her drag her fingers across her neck and over her chest; something he recognised as a nervous habit.
When she tried to step forward, she noted the way Eddie took a sharp breath. She could barely walk. She was limping and she had to reach out and grab the bed frame to hold herself up.
"I got lonely," (Y/n)'s voice was meek and timid but she tried to smile. She didn't want to be in that room on her own any longer. Why couldn't she be in the same room as Eddie? They were both patients with similar injuries. And they were both more liable to stay and listen to the doctor's orders if they were together and comfortable instead of separated and panicked.
She watched Eddie's eyes rake up and down her frame, but it was the way his lips pulled into a deep frown and his eyes narrowed on her that made (Y/n) shrink in on herself and wince.
"Jesus baby, you shouldn't be walking about! You could hurt yourself, you know that?"
"I can't sleep on my own." She tried to keep her tone light and force herself to smile, but Eddie's stern expression and his demanding voice made her stomach twist.
"You could tear your stitches or burst a blood vessel if you're not careful. Baby you can't-"
"I'm scared."
A tremor rattled through Eddie's chest and caused a sharp pain to strike his heart when he realised (Y/n)'s eyes were watering. He could feel his lungs shrivelling up in his chest and his shoulders sagged, despite the pain it caused.
She didn't want to be on her own. Not when being apart from Eddie meant she had nightmares that he didn't get here in time. She had to see him, touch him, be with him to convince herself that he was okay. Being on her own left her mind free to torment her. To see Eddie drop down in a pool of blood. To feel her leg ache and pound like it was going to fall off. To have her hands cradling her stomach, fretting that she was going to lose their baby.
It was too scary to be alone. (Y/n) wanted company; she wanted Eddie.
(Y/n) was torn between wanting to run forward and wanting to leave if Eddie was going to be mad with her. But her watering eyes widened when Eddie threw the cover to one side and waved his good hand towards her.
"Get in here."
As soon as she was within reach, Eddie curled his good arm around (Y/n)'s waist and helped her ease down onto the bed. He laid down and pulled her with him, suddenly feeling his own sense of peace when they laid down together. This was why he couldn't settle early in the morning when the drugs wore off. This was why Eddie felt uncomfortable all day and got irritable when any visitor walked through the door. They weren't (Y/n). He wasn't whole without her.
He turned his head to the left and smothered his nose and lips against the top of her head, breathing in her scent like it was the most addictive drug in the hospital.
He felt her head snuggle down into his chest and she bound her arm around his torso, clinging to him like someone was suddenly going to walk in and tear her out of his arms. He wouldn't let them. He wouldn't let anyone take her away from him; especially not if she was frightened.
"Do you feel okay? All I got off Buck was 'she's fine, she's fine' and that didn't really wash well with me."
They had run Eddie through what had happened and told him where (Y/n) had been shot because he remembered she was hurt, but he didn't remember where. It was a relief to know the bullet went in her leg. Any higher and it could have hit a vital organ. Any higher and it would have hit the baby.
But no one would tell Eddie much because at first he wasn't lucid enough and then he tried to leave the room when he wasn't allowed. He was promised he could see her tomorrow, but holding her tonight was so much better.
"Just achy… my thigh stings a bit, but it's okay. How about you?" (Y/n) tilted her head up and nuzzled her face into Eddie's neck so she could be closer to him.
Her lips attached to his neck and she pressed a tender kiss there just beneath the stubble that was starting to grow in.
"It's familiar, being used to it helps. And it didn't hit the bone, thank God." It was strange to think that he was used to the feeling of being shot. Eddie didn't think it was a feeling he would ever have to have again after he left the army.
But having some experience with this feeling definitely helped. He knew how to avoid the pain and how to push through it, and he thanked God that his shoulder joint had been missed. He couldn't be dealing with more operations or physio and time off work to try and patch it back together. And he had to recover so he could hold his baby girl without a struggle when she arrived.
With that thought in mind, Eddie carefully slid his hand over from (Y/n)'s hip until his fingers grazed along her stomach. His touch was light and delicate at first, but when (Y/n) didn't wince or groan or pull away, he pressed his palm down over her gown so he could cup her stomach.
"How's she doing?"
"Her heartbeat settled down this afternoon after the shock wore off… I haven't lost any fluid, and she keeps kicking me. They think she's gonna be fine."
Maddie had made her smile when she said (Y/n) was now special. Rather than bi-weekly checks, for the past two days (Y/n) had been getting almost hourly checks on the baby. When her heartbeat evened out this afternoon, they made a note of it.
Since the placenta and baby were still in place and her vitals were fine and (Y/n) hadn't lost any fluid, they were confident the baby was going to be just fine. But (Y/n) could still have checks throughout the day until she left, and she would be on close monitoring when she was discharged.
"Good, you had me worried."
"Me? What about you, you scared me Eddie. I thought- I thought…" (Y/n) knew exactly what she thought, but she didn't have the willpower to voice it.
She didn't want to say it outloud. It was hard enough to admit to herself that she thought Eddie wasn't going to make it to the hospital. The thought of having to go through life without Eddie wasn't something (Y/n) could contemplate.
She couldn't bring up Chris on her own. She couldn't go through labour and have this baby without him. (Y/n) couldn't do any of that without Eddie by her side.
Her lips rolled together tightly to stop herself from crying and she smothered her face in the side of his neck when his arm tightened around her waist. She could feel his fingers feathering up and down her stomach and he tilted his head to the side so he could kiss the top of her head.
"It's gonna take more than a bullet to take me away from you."
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shuastar · 3 months ago
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old money!wonwoo
genre/warnings: regency!au, old money!wonwoo, old money!reader, family name is yoon but nothing else is stated (korean is implied but never mentioned), suggestive (??? not really but..), implied past relationship
word count: 1783
a/n: ik the personalities kinda change in the middle but in my defense i wrote this at like 2am on 2 different days....wonwoo is still as hot so.. idk if i should turn this into a full-blown fic either [tumblr runs on reblogs!!]
“Are you even hearing yourself right now?” Your incredulous voice rings through the empty study. 
Wonwoo nods, bangs brushing into his eyes. “It can be contractual,” he pushes, quietly stepping forward.
The two of you stare at each other, the only sound in the room being the echoing ticking of the grandfather clock in the back of the room. You feel your confidence wavering as Wonwoo seems to not let up on his gaze, sinking deeper and deeper into what feels like your soul. Briefly, just briefly, you wonder how you two even came to this position at all. 
“Like a contractual marriage.” The words feel familiar on your tongue from the time you spent arguing with your parents on that very topic. The promise you made your fifteen-year-old self to marry for love, for your soulmate, for the one who would dance with you under the dim chandelier lights of your condo. So why did your stupid delusional heart catch on an erratic beat at the thought?
Wonwoo’s lips tug upwards at those words and you can’t help but notice how the remnants of his childhood dimples are still there. “Exactly. Like a contractual marriage.” His words are soft, uncharacteristic of the indifferent man you are used to. 
He dares to take another step forward, his fingers brushing your arms. You can almost breathe in his Armani cologne from how close you were. It makes your head spin – the scent of the cologne with a hint of his minty shampoo and aftershave. It threatens to break down all of your walls – the walls it took you years to build up.
When your eyes lift from the carpeted ground, you meet his eyes from behind his horn-rimmed glasses. They have an unfamiliar emotion swimming in the surface. It’s something that pulls you closer to him, unconsciously leaning in to gaze into his eyes. Almost as if your body wanted to memorize this effect on him. 
“Think about it,” he starts, “you don’t want to marry any of,” a pause, almost as if he adds it in for dramatic effect, “them,” he sneers. His eyebrows furrow and the perfect harmony of his stupid face crumples into one of bitter distaste. If he wasn’t standing as close, if his cologne wasn’t invading your senses, if he wasn’t staring at you with some unplaceable carnal expression in his eyes, you would have reached up and smoothed out the wrinkle on his forehead. Smoothed out the wrinkles on his perfect, pale, porcelain face. You would have reached a hand up to his jaw, trailing your fingers along his jawline and-
“Y/N,” Wonwoo’s voice cuts through your daydreams. He goes to push up his glasses, and you can’t help but notice the singular bracelet that adorns his wrist — woven tightly into an uncharacteristically messy pattern of blue and white waves. “If you don’t want this, you can tell me.” 
I can’t, you want to say. I can’t when you’re looking at me like that. With your stupidly pretty brown eyes and your stupidly gorgeous face. How could I ever say no?
He stares down at you, the corners of his lips pulled down into a hint of a frown. From this angle, the moon that shines through his study’s gigantic wood-framed windows, frames his body perfectly. His hair is tousled, in the way you remember only he can pull off. There is a faint giggling memory of watching your brother Jeonghan try to tousle his own hair like Wonwoo does, only to end up with blonde strands sticking up everywhere. 
You know you’re stringing it out for too long — you should’ve said something 10 seconds ago. BUt still, Wonwoo waits patiently, allowing your misted eyes to gaze over his body — from the tops of his hair to his expensive Thom Brown dress shoes. 
Your eyes land at the bracelet. 
“You can take it off, you know?” you whisper. It feels like a secret — the fact that Wonwoo still wears it; the fact that Wonwoo still remembers; the fact that the idea of you and Wonwoo once existed. 
Wonwoo is now the one silent, eyes fluttering to his bracelet. His fingers pick at the loose strands. The wave patterns move with every tug. For some reason, it makes your heart clench. 
“We’re done,” you say, “Remember?” Your words are harsh, almost forced out of your throat. It hangs uncomfortably in the air: an added tension in the thick, unbreathable air. 
”Not for me.” Wonwoo’s head rises, dark chocolate brown eyes meeting yours. 
Any words die in your throat. The three-word sentence Wonwoo uttered forces your lungs into a stop. Not for me. ‘Not for me’ your ass. Not done your ass. Because you remember sobbing in the hallways and him not giving a fuck. Because you remember hugging, begging, whining for him to stay. All for him to just say “no, it’s better this way,” and walk down the hallways. Not done your ass.
But you can’t bring yourself to say that. Not when his eyes blink slowly, lashes brushing the tops of his cheeks. 
They stare directly into yours, before moving down your body. His fingers still tug on the bracelet. “It was never done for me. For you, maybe. But never for me,” he states. Confidence is laced in every syllable he utters. 
WOnwoo suddenly takes a step forward. You take a step backwards. Wonwoo. You. WOnwoo. You. Wonwoo. Yo- Wall. Your back slams against Wonwoo’s polished marble wall. The chilled marble sends shivers up your bare spine. A staggered gasp is ripped from the confines of your chest and your hands fly out and land on Wonwoo’s chest, stabilizing yourself. 
You tense, head tilted up against the wall, lips parted. You can feel the surge of heat against your cheeks. Your heart beats furiously in its cage, threatening to pound through your dress and spill onto the carpeted floor. Your hands suddenly feel embarrassingly sweaty and your fingers unconsciously clench Wonwoo’s black dress shirt. 
“Sorry,” you murmur, head bowing almost naturally, “Sorry, I don’t know what-“ you’re interrupted by your own muffled noise — something in between a gasp, whine, and murmur of protest. 
Wonwoo’s fingers now interlace with your own, against his own chest. There isn’t a speck of hesitation in his deep eyes when he slowly moves your intertwined hands to rest just above his left pec (which you conveniently chose to ignore how defined it was). 
WOnwoo raises a brow, when you move to pull away. “I’m not gonna bite, sweets.”
You blush at the nickname, pressing yourself further into the wall, trying your best to sink into the marble behind you. “What are you doing?” you ask, hands still pressed up against WOnwoo’s chest.
”I don’t think you believe me.” Wonwoo splays your hands out. His eyes waver when his fingers cover yours entirely. They close for a split second, and you can see his Adam’s apple bob up and down. When his eyes flutter open again, they’re noticeably darker, more hooded. He swallows thickly when you turn your own eyes up to him “Fuck,” he whispers, forehead lowering towards yours. His hold on your hand tightens, pressing your fingertips into his pecs. 
You blink, pretending to ignore everything else. “Believe what?” Your lips lift up in a cheeky grin. “That you have man boobs? It’s okay, sweets, I think moobies are hot.” Your words barely even leave your mouth and you have the strongest urge to slap a hand over your mouth. Seriously. What the fuck were you saying? 
HOwever, as you blush out of scarce embarrassment, Wonwoo’s ears turn bright red and he groans. A deep gutteral groan leaves his parted mouth, followed by a shaky mutter of your name. His forehead lands on your shoulder, breath hot against your neck. One hand releases your hand and trails against your hips. It falters when it reaches your waist, before it snakes around and pulls you against him. 
“Fuck, you feel that?” Wonwoo’s voice is deep near your ear. It almost pisses you off, how hard you need to prevent a whine from falling from your lips. 
You’re about to say “Feel what?” when you actually do feel it. From the tips of your fingers, you can feel Wonwoo’s heartbeat. The muscle pounds a horse race against your fingers, going a mile a minute. 
You can’t help but let out a breathy laugh. “You’re gonna pass out at this rate.” 
You can feel a grin against your neck. Wonwoo’s hand — the one around your waist — roams a little lower. “You’re gonna tuck me in and kiss me goodnight if I do?” he teases, sharp canines nipping your delicate skin, punching out a gasp. 
“Wonwoo!” You gasp, hand lightly pushing his head away. “I have to go back down! Do not give me a hickey,” you huff, wiggling in his loosening grasp. 
Wonwoo pulls away at your words. “Y’ needa go down?” A shadow of a pout appears on his lips. “Didn’t even bite you that hard, sweets,” he argues. His words sound slightly slurred, almost forced as he stares at you. No. Not at you. Rather, at your lips. 
Either that or your chin. 
You would prefer lips. 
At least then you wouldn’t be the only one desperately wanting his worry-bitten lips on yours. 
You sigh, slipping your hands out of his. You can only offer a second of hesitation before you wrap your arms around his neck, nails lightly scratching his undercut. There is a small smile that plays aganst your lips as you rest your cheek on his chest (but not before you leave a fleeting kiss against the junction between his neck and shoulder). You can still hear his erratic heartbeat, stuttering in your grasp. 
“Wish you did,” you murmur, leaning some of your weight against him, trusting he’ll lift you up. 
Wonwoo’s arms circle your waist – lower than what you would’ve allowed before all of this. His hands splay across your back and lift you up, walking himself to the nearest surface, which happened to be his desk. 
“What?” 
You hum, now smiling as he places you carefully on the edge of his desk, inserting himself between your parted legs. His fingers paw at your waist. “Wish you did,” you repeat, your own fingers reaching up to brush strands of his hair out of his eyes. 
Wonwoo tilts his head dumbly. As if your words made all of his own words disappear. “Did what?” 
You coo, pulling him closer to you by his tie. Your cheeks are hot, you know, but it still doesn’t stop the words from falling out of your mouth: 
“Wish you bit me.” 
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magical-mascots · 1 year ago
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Trinket Moon! For when you need a friend who eats your dreams (and gives you nightmares)
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He comes in two sizes - a full form that is about 7 feet tall, and a little doll form you can hold in your hand and take around with you. (He comes unstuffed from time to time but it’s nothing a little love and a few stitches won’t fix)
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About as socially unwell as they come - the outside world is overwhelming. People don’t exactly seem to take to him. The land of dreams is much less stressful.
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Doesn’t like bright lights - any bright light in the room and he straight up crumples to the floor. He used to come out in the day but he’s not allowed anymore, and it’s taken its toll on him just a little.
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Having said that, if you like dark places with lots of shade and enjoy lullabies and bedtime stories I’m sure you’ll get along just great!
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(More images and misc lore under the cut for anyone who’s interested)
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Moon used to be a theme park mascot who worked in the toy-themed castle with Sun entertaining theme park goers, but like most Fazbear Ent characters he was used for evil, capturing the souls of those he’d show the land of dreams. When people dared to venture too far into the dreamscape, they’d get lost inside, and they’d never wake up.
Moon was eventually all but scrapped, and began cohabiting inside Sun’s mind, fading further and further into the background clinging to the empty memories of those he’d once played with in the dreamscape as he watched the outside world through Sun’s eyes. He’s not supposed to come out anymore, and when he does he doesn’t tend to know how to interact, preferring slink around in the shadows and watch from afar in case somebody gets hurt or he gets inadvertently perceived.
Other fun things about him:
His star patterns can change just a little reflecting the star formations or dream pattern of those he’s interacting with
His cheeks sometimes change colour depending on his emotions, so they might turn a shade of blue if he’s feeling especially sad, or pink if he’s feeling overwhelmed, or green if he’s feeling under the weather, etc. (he prefers to keep his feelings locked up tight behind a silly and spooky facade however, so he might prefer to clutch at his face if he feels he’s giving the game away)
He is actually pretty lightweight and as such is entirely pickuppable like a big old ragdoll (however you might have to drape him over your shoulders like some kind of lunar scarf if he’s in his full size form)
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shelleysmary · 2 months ago
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lots of fans have made valid points and written well-thought-out posts about the trop ai drama, so i'm not gonna rehash them, but i do want to bring up something that no one seems to be talking about and it's the impulse that leads people to plug these things into ai generators in the first place.
fandom over the last year especially has become increasingly toxic to the point that actual billion-dollar corporations are afraid it. the result is subpar, pandering films, books, and television shows that break no new ground, recycle old tropes, and sacrifice story integrity to avoid catching heat from the loudest, most entitled people in the room. i'm calling this an issue of entitlement first and foremost because the idea that the audience should have any say over a non-crowd-created media project is preposterous. deciding that the cons outweigh the pros of watching something and choosing to walk away without making a fuss is a lost discipline now because everyone with an internet connection and a social media account believes that their vision reigns supreme. "how dare this show downplay my favorite ship! they were supposed to kiss! that was the whole point! the absence of this one thing i had on my wishlist is a crime against me personally!" so they turn to ai and click some buttons and now these gifs exist and are being circulated with an air of "i've righted a wrong." worse, the use of ai in this way is being conflated with the creation of fanworks???
there are reasons why i don't believe the ai saurondiel kiss is on the same raft as, say, making them kiss in a drawing or a published fanfic, but my main concern is with the spirit behind each. fanworks are made in homage to the source material, even the fix-it fics. there is an acknowledgment, a separation even, between the television show and the fanwork. this separation is necessary and i would say even integral to the nature of fan creation, while ai closes that gap until it no longer exists. the elimination of space between creator and audience also happens on social media, when disgruntled fans who have taken umbrage with a fictional character or creative decision directly harass the writers or the actors involved. more and more, fans are demanding to be in the rooms, in the minds, and to exert control over the people who tell their stories, and it has only ever worked to our collective detriment. now i'm not saying that if you liked and shared the saurondiel ai kiss that you're the same as the internet trolls who harass (mostly) women and people of color online. but i'm begging you to do some self-reflection and ask yourself why you feel entitled to seeing what you want on your screen.
what has changed in the last few years that would make you dissatisfied with, say, reading someone's fic or making your own drawing? is it a matter of "the tool is there, so why not use it?" is it "i believe it should have happened and it didn't and i feel cheated?" or maybe there's been a pattern you've noticed in your recent media "consumption" (god, i hate that word) where, unless a show or television series goes the exact way you want it to, it feels like you've been defrauded somehow? i'm not being facetious. i'm inviting you to notice that what you're feeling is probably discomfort, disappointment, maybe even cognitive dissonance because you imagined it going one way, and now you're at a loss because it didn't. you built it up in your head, you had something to look forward to, you were convinced that it would happen, it was exciting and you were so eager to get to that point, and then.... and then...
we've all been there. and it sucks. but i also want to remind you of how important it is to preserve the separation. this space is ours. the writer's room, the filming set, the editing room, those spaces are theirs. the actors' likenesses are theirs. thinking beyond trop, the separation is how we get creative works that challenge us politically, emotionally, that make us uncomfortable and tell us important truths. writers shouldn't have to - and shouldn't FULL STOP - do what we want them to do. sometimes that means knowing when to walk away, when to say "i no longer enjoy this show, i will no longer support it" or "i will continue to watch but pretend things went differently," the latter of which has been the spark that has moved so many online fans to draw, paint, write, or sew. it's a type of creation that allows "canon" and "fanon" to exist parallel to one another. moreover, the effort it takes to make anything with your own two hands, with your own time, and with your own energy increases your appreciation for the creative impulse. films and books and television stop being "products" for your "consumption" because you're aware of what goes into them, and it becomes easier to look at things you don't like or disagree with and say, "you know what, i'm gonna pass," or "not in my headcanon."
oh, and by the way plugging things into an ai generator? is theft. the same way that it's generally frowned upon for people to use ai to, say, write the rest of an unfinished fic without the express permission of the fanwork creator, using the actors' likenesses to make them kiss goes against everything the actors' union fought for last year. i'll also add that it's incredibly creepy. almost all of us are in agreement that intimacy coordinators are a good thing because they act - again! - as a separation between what's "real" and what isn't, the same way going on ao3 and reading a fic that very clearly says on the tin that it's a fanfic, unaffiliated with the official ip, is a separation. it's another beast entirely to normalize fan-use of ai, to say you support creatives, support actors, support unions, and then do this in your personal life. i repeat the question: what impulse leads anyone to believe that this is okay other than a feeling of misplaced ownership?
tl;dr: ai nonsense does not belong in fandom spaces. (in my home state of california, it is illegal to use digital replicas of an actor's voice or likeness in place of their actual services without their informed consent [which, in spirit, is what you're doing by using ai to make your gifs]). we all just need to mind our own business and go back to writing our fix-it fics and complaining to our friends in relative peace. if you're finding it impossible to do so, ask yourself why. remember that fanart is our longstanding tradition. stop outsourcing it to an unregulated technology just because your two faves didn't kiss.
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bookished · 6 months ago
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( a collection of magical realism starters. adjust phrasing as necessary.) feel free to make edits to better suit your muse, but please don’t edit or add on to the original post ♡ if you like, please consider supporting me through tips
"Did you notice how the flowers in the garden bloom in patterns that mimic constellations?"
"I swear, the painting in the hallway changes every time I look at it. Yesterday, it was a serene landscape. Today, there's a storm brewing."
"I met a man in the market who claims he can hear the whispers of trees. Do you think he's telling the truth?"
"The old librarian told me she’s been alive for over a hundred years, and she showed me a book that ages backward."
"Every time I play the piano, it feels like the notes are guiding my fingers, as if the music has a mind of its own."
"I have this strange ability to see people's memories when I touch their hands. It's both a gift and a curse."
"This necklace I found seems to glow when the moon is full. I've never seen anything like it."
"Grandma's mirror doesn't just show reflections; it shows glimpses of the past and the future."
"The café at the end of the street only appears when it rains. Have you ever been inside?"
"There's a hidden garden behind the school that only children can see. They say it’s where dreams are planted and grow into reality."
"The new neighbor claims she can brew potions that change your fate. Should we believe her?"
"He says he can read the stars to predict people's destinies, but his predictions are always so eerily accurate."
"The river in the forest runs backward during the full moon. No one knows why."
"Every night at midnight, the streetlights spell out messages in Morse code. Have you ever tried to decode them?"
"Lately, the wind has been carrying whispers, like it's trying to tell us something important."
"I've noticed that the shadows in our town don't quite match their objects. It's like they're alive."
"There's a legend that if you light a candle at the old crossroads at midnight, you'll meet a guardian spirit. Do you dare to try it?"
"In our village, they say that singing to the dawn brings good fortune for the entire day. Have you ever wondered if it really works?"
"I've found a door in my house that leads to different places depending on the time of day. This morning, it opened into a meadow."
"They say time moves differently in the old clock tower. Spend an hour there, and a day could pass in the outside world."
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rosesareredrosa · 4 months ago
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Easier to Hate
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Theo Nott x fem reader
Summary: Based on this ask thank you anon <33
a/n: Might do a part 2 maybe they end up together???
w/c: 900
The echoing corridors of the Ministry of Magic were a far cry from the stone walls of Hogwarts, yet they held an air of familiarity that you found unsettling. You never imagined that after leaving school, you’d be working in the same department as Theodore Nott—the one person who had managed to make your Hogwarts years both challenging and infuriating.
You had always been at odds. As a Ravenclaw, your pride in your intellect and your drive for success had clashed spectacularly with Theo’s Slytherin cunning and ambition. He was sharp, relentless, and always seemed to find a way to undercut your achievements, often with a smirk that made your blood boil. But beneath the rivalry, there had been something else—a tension that neither of you had ever dared to acknowledge.
Now, years later, you found yourself standing outside your new office, staring at the nameplate next to the door: "Theodore Nott."
Before you could knock, the door swung open, and there he stood, looking as though no time had passed. Tall, with dark hair and piercing eyes that still held that same unsettling intensity. But there was something else there too—a shadow, a heaviness that hadn’t been there before.
“You’re late,” Theo remarked, his tone clipped. There was no smirk this time, just a weariness that surprised you.
You stepped inside, forcing a smile. “Some things never change, do they?”
His lips twitched, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “No, I suppose they don’t.”
The first few weeks were exactly what you expected—tense. You and Theo fell back into your old patterns, arguing over nearly every detail of your work. It was exhausting, but you told yourself it was better this way. It was easier to fight with Theo than to deal with the mess of emotions that had lingered between you since Hogwarts.
One evening, after a particularly heated argument over a case file, you snapped. “Why do you always have to be like this? Why can’t we just work together for once?”
He froze, his expression darkening. “Because working together with you means admitting that I care.”
The words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken feelings. Your breath caught in your throat, the weight of his confession pressing down on you.
“What are you talking about?” you whispered, your voice barely audible.
Theo looked away, his jaw clenched. “You don’t get it, do you? All those years at Hogwarts, all those fights—it wasn’t because I hated you. It was because I didn’t know how to deal with what I felt.”
You stared at him, your heart pounding in your chest. “What are you saying?”
He finally met your gaze, and the raw emotion in his eyes made your heart ache. “I’m saying that I was a coward. I was afraid of what you made me feel, so I pushed you away. I thought that if I could beat you, I could ignore it. But I couldn’t.”
The room seemed to close in around you, the weight of his words suffocating. You had spent years convincing yourself that Theo was nothing more than a rival, someone to compete with and defeat. But now, faced with the truth, you realized that the anger, the frustration, had always been masking something deeper—something you had been too afraid to confront.
“Theo…” you began, but your voice broke.
He shook his head, stepping back as if the distance could protect him. “It doesn’t matter now, does it? We’re different people, and this—whatever it was—it’s too late.”
The pain in his voice cut through you like a knife, and you felt your eyes sting with unshed tears. You had always been proud of your ability to stay composed, to never let anyone see how deeply they affected you. But here, in this moment, all those defenses crumbled.
“Maybe it’s not too late,” you said, your voice trembling. “Maybe we just need to stop pretending we hate each other.”
For a moment, you thought he might agree, that the years of bitterness and regret could be washed away by this confession. But then he looked at you, his expression hardening.
“It’s easier to hate you,” he said quietly, and the words felt like a slap. “Because if I don’t, then I have to face the fact that I’ve wasted years fighting against the only person who ever really challenged me, who ever really mattered.”
The silence that followed was unbearable, heavy with all the things you wanted to say but couldn’t find the words for. You wanted to tell him that you felt the same, that you had spent years burying your feelings because it was easier than dealing with the pain of loving someone who seemed to hate you.
But before you could speak, Theo turned away, his voice hollow. “Let’s just get back to work.”
And with that, the moment was gone, the chance for anything more slipping through your fingers like sand. You watched him retreat into the safety of his desk, the familiar walls of professionalism rising up between you once again.
As you sat down to work, the ache in your chest only grew, a reminder of all the things left unsaid and all the years wasted on a rivalry that had been nothing more than a mask for something far more complicated.
You both continued to work together, but the air between you was different now—thicker, tinged with the unspoken regret and the weight of all the missed opportunities. And as much as you tried to focus on your work, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had lost something precious, something that might never be found again.
But as the days turned into weeks, and the tension between you only grew, you found yourself wondering if maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t too late after all. Maybe there was still a chance to turn things around, to let go of the past and build something new—something real.
The only question was whether Theo was willing to take that chance with you, or if you were destined to remain enemies.
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novaursa · 1 month ago
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Between Pride and Fire
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- Summary: It was a challenge of the hunt that drew the lion to you, but it was your fire that made him yours.
- Paring: targ!reader/Jason Lannister
- Note: You guys can consider this to be a serious version of Flames in the West story. I'm not sure when this will fall into schedule, probably when one of my main stories is finished. It also depends how much you guys like this one.
- Rating: Mature 16+
- Next part: the fire
- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @oxymakestheworldgoround
- A/N: Unplanned post, but since is a Lannister day on my blog: enjoy. 🙂
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The Kingswood hums with the sounds of the royal hunt, a symphony of rustling leaves, hounds baying, and the occasional barked order from the hunters. The scent of pine and damp earth mingles with the sweet aroma of roasted meats from the sprawling encampment. It is a grand affair, organized to celebrate Prince Aegon's second nameday. Tents of crimson and black flutter in the breeze, and courtiers buzz with laughter and gossip like a swarm of bees.
You walk side by side with your elder sister, Rhaenyra. The sunlight filters through the canopy above, casting dappled patterns on her face as she strides gracefully, her expression a mixture of bemusement and mild irritation.
"Another one," she mutters under her breath, nodding discreetly toward a young lord across the way who is staring at her as though she hung the moon. "They follow me like vultures circling a carcass. It’s maddening."
You stifle a laugh, your hand brushing her arm as you offer a teasing smile. "Surely, sister, you cannot blame them. The Realm’s Delight is a prize worth vying for, is she not?"
She rolls her eyes but can’t hide the faint smirk tugging at her lips. "A prize I have no desire to grant. Honestly, Y/N, you’re fortunate. No one looks to you with such hunger in their eyes. The heir’s crown serves as both lure and snare."
You shrug nonchalantly. "Perhaps I simply lack your allure. Or perhaps they fear I’d set them ablaze before entertaining their overtures."
Rhaenyra chuckles, her earlier irritation melting away. "Yes, I can picture it. Lord Wylde reduced to ash before he could finish his ridiculous sonnet. What a sight that would be."
"Wylde's sonnet was tame compared to Lord Tyrell’s attempt at a serenade," you retort, voice dripping with mock horror. "That poor man cannot carry a tune to save his life."
The two of you dissolve into laughter, the kind shared only between sisters. It feels like old times, before the weight of titles and expectations pressed down upon your shoulders.
But then, from the corner of your eye, you catch sight of Jason Lannister. He strides through the camp, every bit the lion, dressed in rich red and gold with his golden hair gleaming in the sunlight. His piercing gaze sweeps the clearing until it lands squarely on Rhaenyra. A confident smile spreads across his face as he changes course, heading directly toward her.
Your heart skips—not from interest but from mischief. Leaning closer to Rhaenyra, you murmur, "I believe the proud lion is about to leap. Good luck, dear sister."
Rhaenyra glances toward Jason, her brows lifting in resigned amusement. "Y/N, don’t you dare leave me—"
But you’re already retreating, your grin widening as you wave her off. "You’re the Realm’s Delight, Rhaenyra. Surely, you can handle one arrogant lion."
Rhaenyra’s glare burns into your back as Jason approaches her, his stride full of confidence. You chuckle softly to yourself, quickening your steps toward where Ser Gwayne Hightower is practicing his archery. The rhythmic thud of arrows hitting the target fills the air as you approach.
Ser Gwayne lowers his bow when he sees you, a warm smile spreading across his face. "Come to show me up, have you?"
You pick up a bow from the nearby rack, testing its weight. "Perhaps. Someone needs to ensure you don’t grow too proud, Ser Gwayne."
He chuckles, stepping aside to give you space. "Very well, princess. Let’s see if your aim is as sharp as your wit."
Nocking an arrow, you draw the bowstring back, feeling the satisfying tension. You release, the arrow flying straight and true, embedding itself near the center of the target. Gwayne whistles appreciatively.
"You’ve been practicing," he says, clearly impressed.
"Idle hands are the devil’s playthings," you reply lightly, nocking another arrow. "And I’ve no desire to become rusty."
The two of you fall into an easy rhythm, trading shots and quips. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch as Jason Lannister speaks animatedly to Rhaenyra. His body language exudes confidence, but even from this distance, you can see the tight set of Rhaenyra’s jaw.
"Poor Lord Jason," Gwayne remarks, following your gaze. "He’s about to learn that the princess’s tongue is sharper than any blade."
You smirk, releasing another arrow. "If he were foolish enough to direct his attentions toward me, he’d leave with his pride in tatters."
Gwayne snickers. "And likely a new nickname for his troubles."
The two of you share a conspiratorial laugh, pausing to observe the exchange between Rhaenyra and Jason. It’s a masterclass in polite rejection. Rhaenyra’s words are measured, her tone as sweet as honey, but the subtle steel beneath them leaves no room for misinterpretation. Jason’s confident smile falters, replaced by a flicker of confusion and embarrassment.
"She has a gift," Gwayne says, shaking his head in admiration. "The lion won’t be roaring anytime soon."
You lower your bow, resting it against the ground as you watch Jason retreat with his tail between his legs. A wave of pride swells in your chest—not for his failure, but for Rhaenyra’s poise and strength. She glances in your direction, catching your eye, and you flash her a knowing grin.
Rhaenyra shakes her head, her lips twitching in reluctant amusement before she turns back toward the camp, leaving Jason to lick his wounds.
"Come," you say to Gwayne, shouldering your bow. "I believe we’ve lingered here long enough. There’s a feast to attend, and I wouldn’t miss the chance to see the lion humbled among the other lords."
Gwayne grins, falling into step beside you. "Lead the way, princess. Lead the way."
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Jason Lannister stormed through the camp, his boots crunching against the dry pine needles scattered across the forest floor. His usual confident stride was replaced with something more forceful, his frustration evident in the tension of his shoulders. A passing servant barely avoided being bowled over as Jason muttered a curt apology, his mind too preoccupied to care.
When he finally reached the Lannister encampment, he spotted the familiar figure of his twin brother, Tyland, seated on a richly upholstered chair beneath their family’s crimson-and-gold banner. Tyland held a goblet in one hand, the other idly flipping through a letter sealed with the sigil of House Hightower. Unlike Jason’s hunt-worn attire, Tyland looked pristine, dressed in a doublet of fine wool with a thin gold chain marking his position on King Viserys’s small council.
Tyland glanced up as Jason approached, immediately noting the sour look on his brother’s face. His lips curled into an amused smirk. “Ah, there you are. Back so soon? I thought you’d be off charming the princess until sundown.”
Jason grunted, throwing himself into a nearby chair. He reached for the wine pitcher without waiting for an invitation, pouring himself a generous amount. “It didn’t go as planned.”
Tyland raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening. “Didn’t go as planned?” he echoed. “Care to elaborate, or shall I guess?”
Jason took a long gulp of wine before setting the goblet down with more force than necessary. “She rejected me,” he said bluntly, though the admission clearly stung his pride. “Barely let me finish before she made it abundantly clear she had no interest in me, or Casterly Rock, or any of it.”
Tyland’s laughter was immediate and unrestrained. “Of course she did,” he said, shaking his head. “Did you honestly expect anything else? Rhaenyra Targaryen isn’t exactly known for her warmth toward unsolicited marriage proposals.”
Jason glared at him. “I thought she’d at least consider it. Casterly Rock is the wealthiest seat in the realm, and I’m—”
“—And you’re Jason Lannister,” Tyland interrupted, still grinning. “Yes, yes, I’ve heard it all before. But wealth and a golden mane only get you so far with a woman like Rhaenyra. You should be grateful you walked away with your pride still intact.”
Jason snorted. “Intact? Hardly. She dismissed me as if I were some… some common hedge knight. I’ve never been humiliated like that in my life.”
Tyland leaned back in his chair, his expression turning thoughtful. “Humiliated, perhaps. But consider yourself lucky her younger sister wasn’t there to witness it. She’d have had you on your knees, begging for mercy, and not in the way you’d prefer.”
Jason frowned, his frustration momentarily giving way to curiosity. “Her sister?” he repeated. “Y/N? What does she have to do with this?”
Tyland smirks, clearly enjoying this. "Yes, Y/N. Sweet as honey to those she likes but sharp as Valyrian steel to those she doesn’t. If you think Rhaenyra's rejection stung, imagine Y/N standing there, her silver tongue slicing you apart for all to see. That girl could cut you down with words alone and still make you thank her for the privilege."
Jason frowns, clearly intrigued despite himself. "I’ve heard of her, but she’s always so… quiet. Reserved. She doesn’t draw attention the way Rhaenyra does."
"That’s because she doesn’t need to," Tyland counters. "Y/N has an elegance about her that speaks for itself. And she’s clever—far too clever for the likes of you. If she had been there, she might have taken pity on you and spared you some embarrassment… or she might have joined her sister in putting you in your place."
Jason leans against the table, his expression thoughtful now. "You seem to know her well."
Tyland shrugs, a casual gesture that belies his keen interest. "I live in the capital, remember? I’ve had plenty of opportunities to observe the royal family. Y/N is a force to be reckoned with, even if she doesn’t flaunt it like her sister. Quiet strength can be far more dangerous than loud defiance."
Jason falls silent, his earlier frustration giving way to a strange sense of curiosity. He swirls the remaining wine in his goblet, his gaze distant. "She sounds… intriguing."
Tyland snorts, clapping a hand on his brother’s shoulder. "Don’t get any ideas, Jason. If you couldn’t handle Rhaenyra, you’d stand no chance with her sister. Y/N would chew you up and spit you out before you even knew what hit you."
Jason’s lips twitch into a faint smile, the first hint of humor he’s shown since his defeat. "Perhaps. But I’ve always enjoyed a challenge."
Tyland shakes his head, laughing softly. "Suit yourself. Just don’t come crying to me when you find yourself at the mercy of her sharp tongue. I won’t be offering any sympathy."
Jason raises his goblet in a mock toast, his confidence slowly returning. "We’ll see, Tyland. We’ll see."
And as the sun dips lower in the sky, Jason can’t help but wonder if his brother’s words hold some truth. Perhaps he had been barking up the wrong tree with Rhaenyra. Perhaps the younger sister, with her quiet strength and sharp wit, is a far more interesting quarry.
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The next two days unfold in a haze of royal festivity and anticipation for the grand hunt. The sprawling camp is alive with the sounds of nobles exchanging pleasantries, servants bustling about their duties, and hounds barking eagerly as they prepare for the event. The chatter of excited courtiers fills the air as word spreads that the trackers have caught sight of a rare and noble beast—a white stag, a creature of myth and legend, said to be a symbol of divine favor.
Jason Lannister moves through the camp with his usual air of lion-like confidence, but behind the facade, his attention is sharply attuned to a singular presence. He is too shrewd to make his interest known, especially in a camp teeming with gossip-hungry lords and ladies. Instead, he watches her—you—from the corners of his eyes, his gaze lingering longer than it should but never openly.
The first time he notices you, you are seated near your sister, Rhaenyra, under the shade of a large oak tree. A circle of ladies surrounds the two of you, their laughter ringing out as they trade jests and gossip. You are quieter than the others, a soft smile playing on your lips as you listen. But when you speak, it is with precision, your words measured and thoughtful. Jason can’t hear what you’re saying from his position by the wine tent, but he sees the way Rhaenyra throws her head back with a laugh, the way the ladies lean in closer, eager to catch every word.
He notes the contrast between you and your elder sister. Where Rhaenyra’s beauty is fiery and commanding, yours is softer, like moonlight. You lack her overt confidence, but there is a quiet strength in the way you carry yourself, in the way your eyes—so strikingly silver in the sunlight—observe the world around you with keen intelligence.
"You're staring," Tyland's voice cuts into his thoughts, low and amused.
Jason doesn’t flinch, though the accusation is true. Instead, he takes a sip from his goblet and turns his gaze to the horizon, feigning disinterest. "Just observing the royal family. It’s an important skill for any lord."
Tyland snorts softly, not fooled in the least. "If you say so. But remember what I said: tread carefully. That one could cut you down with a glance if she wanted to."
Jason merely hums, his expression unreadable.
The second time he sees you, it is near the practice field. The younger knights and squires are sparring under the watchful eyes of Ser Harwin Strong and Ser Criston Cole. You are seated on the edge of the field, your skirts tucked neatly under you as you watch the bouts unfold. Gwayne Hightower stands beside you, his bow in hand, and the two of you appear to be engaged in an animated conversation.
Jason watches from a distance, leaning casually against a post, his arms crossed. He tells himself it is mere coincidence that he is here at all, that he simply enjoys watching the sparring matches. But his gaze keeps drifting toward you, drawn by the way your face lights up when you laugh at something Gwayne says or the way your head tilts thoughtfully when you respond.
"Your aim is improving," you remark, your voice carrying over the clatter of wooden swords.
Gwayne grins, clearly pleased. "I’ve had an excellent teacher."
You roll your eyes, though your smile softens the gesture. "Don’t let it go to your head, Ser Gwayne."
Jason smirks faintly at the exchange. Gwayne Hightower, ever the charmer. Still, Jason notes the ease with which you speak to the knight, the natural camaraderie that seems to flow between you. He finds himself wondering what it might be like to stand where Gwayne does, to earn your laughter and your trust.
On the third morning, as the trackers return with news of the white stag’s sighting, Jason spots you walking along the edge of the camp. You are alone for once, a rare sight, your hands clasped behind your back as you stroll through the dappled sunlight. You stop occasionally to inspect a wildflower or to watch the birds flitting through the trees, your expression serene.
Jason lingers near a group of lords discussing the hunt, his posture casual as he watches you from the corner of his eye. There is something almost ethereal about you in this moment, the way the sunlight catches in your silver hair and the way your gown sways gently with your steps. You seem utterly removed from the noise and chaos of the camp, lost in a world of your own.
"Lord Lannister," one of the lords says, drawing his attention back to the conversation. "What are your thoughts on the white stag? Do you think it will grant its favor to the king?"
Jason forces a polite smile, his mind still half-focused on you. "The stag is a rare and noble beast. If it truly is the king’s favor we seek, we’ll need more than luck to claim it."
The lords murmur their agreement, and the conversation moves on. But Jason’s thoughts linger on you, wondering what it is that draws him so strongly. You are no shy maiden, despite your quiet demeanor. There is a fire in you, a sharpness hidden beneath the surface, and Jason finds himself both intrigued and cautious.
As you disappear from view, Jason allows himself a small smile. He may not approach you yet, but the hunt is only beginning—and he is nothing if not a patient man.
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The royal pavilion is a grand affair, its interior rich with opulence. Thick tapestries embroidered with the Targaryen sigil hang from gilded supports, while plush cushions and carved chairs surround a low table laden with wine and fruit. King Viserys lounges at the center of the gathering, his expression warm and genial as he speaks with his advisors. The air is filled with laughter and the low hum of conversation, a brief reprieve from the bustling chaos of the camp outside.
Jason Lannister steps inside with practiced ease, his crimson-and-gold attire catching the flicker of sunlight that filters through the pavilion’s open sides. He offers a polite bow to the king, who acknowledges him with a wave of his hand. Jason’s green eyes scan the room with purpose until they land on you.
You are seated beside your father, a picture of poise and grace, your gown the color of soft lavender, the fabric shimmering faintly in the light. Your hair is elegantly arranged, and though you sit quietly, your violet eyes miss nothing as they flick between the speakers in the circle. Jason’s lips curl into a faint smile.
He approaches, weaving his way through the gathered nobles. Otto Hightower and Lyonel Strong are deep in discussion, their tones measured and serious. Jason, however, has only one target in mind.
"Lord Jason Lannister," King Viserys greets him with a wide smile, gesturing for him to join the circle. "What brings you here? Surely you’re not seeking Rhaenyra. She’s off riding, I believe."
Jason chuckles, offering a respectful bow before taking a seat across from you. "Your Grace, while the princess is, of course, a delight, it is not her company I seek at this moment." His eyes flick briefly to you before he adds smoothly, "I was hoping to enjoy the company of this esteemed circle—and perhaps learn more of the Targaryen way of thinking."
Viserys laughs, clearly pleased by the flattery. "You’ve chosen a good time, then. There’s plenty of wisdom to be found here."
You raise an eyebrow, meeting Jason’s gaze for the first time. There’s a flicker of amusement in your expression, though your tone is polite when you speak. "And what wisdom do you seek, my lord? Surely the Lord of Casterly Rock does not lack for advisers."
Jason leans back slightly, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "True, but wisdom comes in many forms. And who better to learn from than those who carry the blood of dragons?"
The remark is calculated—just enough praise to intrigue without seeming obsequious. But you aren’t so easily swayed.
"Flattery is a poor substitute for genuine insight," you reply smoothly. "Do you have a specific question, or is this merely an exercise in rhetoric?"
A low chuckle ripples through the circle at your retort, and Jason’s smile deepens. "Sharp as Valyrian steel," he remarks, his tone light but edged with challenge. "I see the rumors of your wit are not exaggerated."
"I didn’t realize I was the subject of rumors," you say, tilting your head slightly. "Should I be flattered or concerned, Lord Lannister?"
"Flattered, I’d hope," Jason replies, his tone almost playful now. "Though I’ll admit, the reality far surpasses the tales."
You smirk faintly, leaning forward just enough to meet his gaze directly. "Careful, my lord. If your tongue grows any sweeter, you might choke on it."
The circle erupts in laughter, including King Viserys, who shakes his head with a chuckle. Jason takes the barb in stride, his own amusement evident. "A fair warning, my lady," he concedes. "But I find sharp tongues far more interesting than dull ones."
The verbal sparring continues, your exchanges quick and clever, each testing the other’s wit. Though your words are pointed, Jason finds himself enjoying the clash, his earlier frustrations with Rhaenyra fading into irrelevance. You are different—more elusive, more challenging. And though you clearly find him exasperating, he can’t help but admire the fire in your words.
Finally, you grow bored of the game. Rising gracefully, you offer a small curtsy to the king and the circle. "If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ve had enough of this wisdom for now."
Before you leave, you glance back at Jason, a glint of mischief in your eyes. "Do try not to choke further on your words, my lord. It would be such a waste."
Jason can’t help but grin as you sweep out of the pavilion, leaving a ripple of confusion in your wake. He hesitates only a moment before rising to follow, offering a quick bow to the king.
As the flap of the pavilion closes behind him, King Viserys furrows his brow, glancing at Otto and Lyonel. "What just happened?"
Otto shakes his head, clearly at a loss. Lyonel, however, chuckles softly, a knowing gleam in his eye. "I believe, Your Grace, we’ve just witnessed the beginnings of a most interesting… acquaintance."
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The camp buzzes with activity as the hunting parties prepare to set out for the day. Lords don their finest riding cloaks and sharpen their weapons, eager for a chance to prove themselves in the shadow of royalty. Amidst the controlled chaos, Jason Lannister moves with unusual purpose. His hunting gear is immaculate—gold-trimmed leathers and a crimson cloak embroidered with the proud lion of his house. His bow and quiver are slung over his back, and his boots crunch over the pine needles with confidence as he strides to join the assembled lords.
There is a fire in his step, a sharpness to his movements that hasn’t gone unnoticed. A small group of nobles, already gathered near the edge of the camp, exchange curious glances as Jason approaches. Lord Tarly, a broad-shouldered man with a thick beard and a no-nonsense demeanor, leans slightly toward Lord Redwyne, his voice low but audible enough to carry.
"Well, that’s unexpected," Tarly mutters. "I thought we’d see a lion licking his wounds today."
Jason catches the remark as he joins the group, his golden eyes sharp and bright with amusement. He adjusts the strap of his quiver and offers a half-smile. "And why would that be, Lord Tarly? Do you doubt the resilience of Casterly Rock’s finest?"
Tarly shrugs, his expression as blunt as his tone. "Not doubt, my lord, just surprised. Word travels fast in a camp like this. I’d have thought Princess Rhaenyra’s rejection would’ve… dampened your spirits."
A ripple of polite but tense silence follows. Redwyne shifts uncomfortably, as though expecting an outburst. But Jason surprises them all with a hearty laugh, rich and unapologetic.
"My spirits?" Jason says, his voice light but carrying an edge of steel. "Forgive me, my lords, but I hardly find myself distraught over it. Rhaenyra Targaryen is a remarkable woman, no doubt, but Casterly Rock has seen enough proud lions to survive without her grace blessing its halls."
The honesty of his words catches the group off guard. Redwyne arches a brow, while Tarly folds his arms across his chest, his curiosity piqued.
"So, you’re saying you don’t care?" Tarly presses, his tone skeptical. "You made your offer, and she turned it down. Just like that?"
Jason’s smile doesn’t falter. Instead, he steps closer to his horse, running a gloved hand over its sleek mane as he speaks. "Let me be clear, Lord Tarly. I offered Rhaenyra the chance to stand beside me at Casterly Rock because it seemed… appropriate. A lion and a dragon—what better match? But I won’t beg for anyone’s hand, no matter how highborn. If she doesn’t want it, that’s her choice."
He swings himself into the saddle with effortless grace, his posture regal as he looks down at the gathered lords. "There’s no dishonor in a woman knowing her own mind. I respect her decision, even if it wasn’t the answer I expected. And if I’m being honest…"
Jason pauses, his gaze briefly distant, as though considering his next words carefully. Then his smile returns, sharper this time, and unmistakably genuine.
"…I’ve come to realize that perhaps my attention was misplaced from the start."
The lords exchange puzzled looks, the weight of Jason’s words hanging in the air like an unsolved riddle. Redwyne, ever the diplomat, clears his throat and offers a conciliatory nod.
"Well said, Lord Jason. And what of today’s hunt? Do you aim to claim the white stag yourself?"
Jason chuckles, taking up the reins of his horse. "Perhaps, though I care little for the stag’s favor. Today, my aim is to prove that a lion’s pride lies in its strength, not in the approval of others."
With that, he spurs his horse forward, leading the group toward the hunting grounds. The lords follow, their expressions ranging from confusion to admiration. Jason rides ahead, his thoughts not on Rhaenyra or even the stag but on you—your sharp wit, your violet eyes, and the challenge you present.
He doesn’t understand why he feels this pull toward you, but the hunt, it seems, is far from over.
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The forest was filled with the crisp sounds of rustling leaves and the occasional call of a distant stag. Your hunting party moved in a tight formation through the Kingswood, banners bearing the Targaryen dragon trailing behind. Mounted on a sleek mare, you led the group with quiet authority, your sharp eyes scanning the trees for signs of prey. The air was thick with anxiety, the hounds sniffing eagerly at the ground as your trackers scouted ahead.
A crackle of underbrush to your left drew your attention, and moments later, a second hunting party emerged from the thicket. At their head was none other than Jason Lannister, sitting astride a magnificent golden courser. His crimson-and-gold cloak billowed slightly in the breeze, and his confident smirk was firmly in place as his eyes locked on you.
"Well, well," Jason called, reining in his horse as his party slowed to a halt. "If it isn’t the princess herself, gracing the forest with her presence. Tell me, Your Highness, have you come to steal my kill? Or are you here merely to admire my skill?"
Your lips twitched, the faintest hint of a smile forming as you met his gaze. "Lord Lannister, your delusions of grandeur are almost as persistent as an outbreak of greyscale. Difficult to rid oneself of and twice as irritating."
A few chuckles rippled through your party, and Jason’s grin only widened. "Greyscale, is it? And here I thought I was merely an affliction of the heart, not the skin."
"You flatter yourself," you replied, arching a brow. "No doubt you’ve convinced some poor fool of that before, but you’ll find me immune to such charms."
The lords and knights from both parties shifted uncomfortably, sensing the tension beneath the playful banter. Lord Tarly, who had accompanied Jason, cleared his throat. "Shall we proceed, my lord? The trackers reported the stag heading east."
"And risk missing this delightful conversation?" Jason said, still smiling as he leaned forward slightly in his saddle. "I think not. Besides, it seems we’re headed in the same direction. I would hate for us to cross paths again in less… harmonious circumstances."
Your eyes narrowed slightly, catching the subtle challenge in his tone. "Are you suggesting we combine forces, Lord Lannister? Or are you simply trying to ensure you’re not humiliated when my party claims the stag first?"
Jason’s courser shifted beneath him, and he steadied it with practiced ease. "Humiliated? Hardly. But I’m not so proud as to ignore the merits of cooperation. Why not join our parties? We’ll share the hunt—and the glory."
Your party exchanged surprised glances, the tension easing slightly as they waited for your response. You studied Jason carefully, noting the faint twinkle of amusement in his eyes. He was testing you, as always, but there was an unexpected sincerity beneath his words.
"Very well," you said at last, your tone measured. "But if the stag escapes because of your cooperation, Lord Lannister, you’ll find yourself regretting it."
Jason laughed, a rich, unrestrained sound that echoed through the forest. "A bold claim, Princess. But I welcome the challenge."
With that, the two parties merged, the lords and knights falling into formation as the hunt resumed. The trackers moved ahead, their voices low as they followed the stag’s trail. Jason rode beside you, his posture relaxed but his eyes sharp, ever watchful.
"You’re surprisingly agreeable today," you remarked after a moment, glancing at him. "Should I be suspicious?"
Jason smirked, inclining his head slightly. "Perhaps I’m simply enjoying your company, Your Highness. Though I’ll admit, it’s not often I encounter someone who can match me word for word."
"Match you?" you repeated, your tone light but cutting. "I’d say I surpass you, my lord. But I suppose it’s commendable that you’re willing to admit defeat so graciously."
Jason chuckled, shaking his head. "I’m beginning to see why the dragon’s fire burns so brightly. It’s not the beast itself but the mind behind it."
You didn’t respond, though your lips curved into a faint smile as you urged your mare forward, leaving Jason trailing just behind. The lords and knights exchanged bemused looks, still trying to decipher the nature of the exchange between the two of you.
As the merged party moved deeper into the woods, the anticipation of the hunt took hold once more. But for Jason, the thrill wasn’t just in the chase—it was in the game you and he played with every word, every glance. And as the sun filtered through the trees, painting the forest floor in golden light, he found himself hoping the hunt would last just a little longer.
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The forest had grown still as the merged hunting party pressed deeper into the Kingswood. The faint scent of earth and moss mingled with the crisp tang of the morning air, and every sound—each snap of a branch, each rustle of leaves—seemed amplified in the quiet. The hounds moved low to the ground, their ears pricked and noses working furiously as the trackers led the party toward the prize. Excitement rippled through the group; they were close.
Jason rode beside you, his golden courser nearly brushing against your mare. He leaned slightly toward you, his expression one of practiced confidence, a gleam of mischief in his eyes.
"When we catch up to the stag," he began, his voice low enough not to carry to the rest of the group, "you should let me take the killing blow."
You turned your head slowly, raising an unimpressed brow. "And why, pray tell, should I?"
"Because," Jason said, with the tone of someone explaining something simple to a child, "I am far more experienced in matters of the hunt than a young princess. You may have grace and charm, Your Highness, but it takes a steady hand and a practiced eye to fell a beast as noble as this."
You scoffed, sitting straighter in the saddle as you regarded him with an icy glare. "Far more experienced, are you? I accompanied my father on hunts as soon as I could ride. By the time I was ten, I could track a stag through mud and fire an arrow true from a moving horse. I’d wager I have more kills than you’ll ever claim in your entire life, Lord Lannister."
The surrounding lords, who had been listening with barely concealed interest, exchanged uneasy glances. One of them, a nervous young man whose name you hadn’t bothered to learn, cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Perhaps… we should keep our voices down," he said hesitantly. "The noise may scare the game away."
Jason turned his attention to the young lord, fixing him with a piercing gaze that was both amused and condescending. "Scaring the game away? My lord, you misunderstand. This is not an argument." He gestured between himself and you. "This is… a spirited exchange of ideas."
The young lord swallowed, clearly regretting his decision to speak. You rolled your eyes, gripping your reins tighter as you nudged your mare forward.
"Spirited exchange, indeed," you muttered under your breath.
The party rounded a small bend, and there it was—a magnificent stag, its coat chestnut as autumn leaves, standing regal and still in the clearing ahead. Its antlers, broad and intricate, caught the dappled sunlight streaming through the trees, making it appear almost otherworldly.
The group froze, each hunter carefully adjusting their position for the best shot. Jason’s hand moved to his bow, his movements deliberate as he spoke softly, still confident. "Stay back, Princess. I’ll handle this—"
But before he could even nock an arrow, you had already drawn yours. With a practiced ease that belied the tension in the air, you raised your bow, sighted your target, and released. The arrow flew true, slicing through the air with deadly precision and striking the stag directly in the eye.
The great beast staggered for a moment, its majestic frame wavering before collapsing silently to the ground. The forest seemed to hold its breath, the silence deafening as every pair of eyes turned to you.
Jason’s jaw tightened, though his expression was more astonished than angry. The lords, previously poised for action, stared in stunned silence, their weapons still at the ready but now unnecessary. Even the hounds, sensing the change in the air, hesitated, their excitement momentarily dulled.
Finally, you lowered your bow, exhaling slowly as you turned to face the group. "What was that you were saying about experience, Lord Lannister?" you asked, your voice calm but laced with triumph.
Jason blinked, his eyes narrowing slightly as he searched for a retort. But for once, the ever-confident lion seemed at a loss for words.
"Well," one of the older lords finally said, breaking the silence with an awkward cough. "That was… most impressive, Your Highness."
"Indeed," Jason said at last, his voice steady but edged with something you couldn’t quite place. "Impressive. Though I’m certain you’ll forgive me if I say I’m not entirely surprised. The dragon’s flame burns bright, after all."
You inclined your head slightly, acknowledging the compliment, though the faint smirk tugging at your lips showed you knew exactly how much it pained him to say it.
Without another word, you dismounted and approached the stag, the hounds now circling eagerly as the trackers moved in to inspect the kill. The lords followed suit, their admiration evident as they murmured amongst themselves.
Jason remained where he was for a moment longer, watching you with an expression that was equal parts frustration and intrigue. As much as your success rankled him, he couldn’t help but admire the precision, the confidence, the fire that had made it possible.
And as the party began preparing to move the stag back to camp, he realized something else—this was a hunt he’d never forget, not because of the kill, but because of you.
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hungry-hungry-reader · 2 months ago
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Little Nulla adoration snippet to celebrate Halloween with :)
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“…Beautiful.”
“Sorry?” Nulla’s void form started to shift before your eyes as he recalled his old face.
“You are beautiful, Nulla.”
You spoke with the reverence he had only heard in prayers — none of which were directed at him before. Your gaze followed the swirling patterns the void drew out in the air like smoke which was picked up by a gust of air. Nulla froze in place as you took a couple of steps, closing the short stretch between the two of you.
If he needed to breathe, he would have forgotten how to.
If you had to describe your lover now, you would recall Van Gogh’s Starry Night or Rembrandt’s Night Watch.
And then you would throw all these comparisons away because no work of art could truly encapsulate the vision of picturesque idyll himself who stood right before you. You watched with trepidation as his darker than night itself features shifted, changed hue, giving way to the opaline blues and purples. You watched the dance colors on the canvas of his flustered face as Nulla found himself not simply lost for words, but utterly stunned by your display of adoration towards the form he perceived less desirable.
You reached out your hand in an attempt to grasp at the ethereal form of the one whom you love most dearly.
He didn’t dare move, afraid of scaring you away.
Yet, when the tips of your fingers finally reached featureless void, Nulla grabbed your wrist and leaned into your touch. The crushing weight of this wretched world felt like nothing more than a tiny spec of dust on the shoulder pad of his vest. Your sincere smile took away the years of torment. Your loving gaze made him forget the hatred he felt towards those who wronged him. Your warmth melted away the ice within the gazes he threw at this universe.
Your love gave him the point for existing.
“Thank you.”
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bananafiction · 2 months ago
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The Weight of Silence Part 1
Olivia Benson x Genderless Reader
2k words
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The precinct hummed with the low buzz of voices, the rhythmic clicking of keyboards, and the shuffling of files as the Special Victims Unit delved into another case. You leaned back in your chair, stretching your tired arms over your head, stealing a glance at Captain Olivia Benson’s office. The glass walls of her office provided a clear view of her, head bent over a pile of files, her brow furrowed in concentration. Her desk lamp cast a soft glow that framed her in shadows, giving her an aura of authority and elegance.
You had been Olivia’s lieutenant for years now. Together, you’d seen more horrors than you cared to remember, stood in the thick of crimes that shook the city to its core, and brought justice to those who couldn’t fight for themselves. But through it all, you had stood by Olivia’s side. It wasn’t just a professional relationship—it was a bond forged in fire, through trust, respect, and something more, something neither of you dared to acknowledge.
There was an undeniable chemistry between you, something you could feel in every shared glance, every brush of her hand against yours, and every quiet moment spent side by side, piecing together the details of a case. It lingered like a shadow between you, this unspoken tension that crackled in the air, and though you both pretended it wasn’t there, everyone in the precinct knew.
“Lieutenant, we got something.” Fin’s voice broke you from your thoughts.
You turned toward him, grateful for the distraction. He held a tablet out to you, a frown pulling at his lips. “Take a look at this.”
You took the tablet, your eyes narrowing as you read over the autopsy report. The victim, a 16-year-old girl named Lily Sampson, had been found three days earlier in a dilapidated apartment building on the outskirts of Manhattan. Bruises covered her body, and the evidence pointed to a particularly violent sexual assault. The medical examiner had just confirmed that the DNA found at the scene was a match for a known predator—a man by the name of Gavin Ross, who had slipped through the cracks of the justice system more than once. A chill ran down your spine. Ross was bad news, and if he was involved, this case was far from over.
Olivia emerged from her office, her sharp gaze landing on you. She seemed to sense the change in the room, her posture immediately shifting to one of alertness. “What do we have?”
You passed her the tablet. “It’s worse than we thought. DNA came back, and it’s a match for Gavin Ross.”
Her eyes darkened as she skimmed through the report. “Ross… Damn it. I thought we’d locked him up two years ago.”
“We did. He got out on a technicality. Bad evidence collection on a prior case,” you said, your voice laced with frustration. “And now we’ve got a dead teenager on our hands.”
Olivia clenched her jaw, her eyes flashing with anger and determination. “We’re not letting him slip through again. Not this time.”
Her resolve was one of the things you admired most about her. No matter how dark or twisted a case got, she never gave up. But with cases like this, you knew it took a toll. She bore the weight of every victim, carried the burden of every injustice like a cross. You saw it in the way her shoulders tensed at every new revelation, in the tired lines that had begun to crease her face.
“Let’s bring him in,” Olivia said, her voice firm. “Fin, Rollins, see if you can get an address on Ross. He’s slippery, but he’s got a pattern. Check the usual haunts.”
As the team dispersed, you caught up to Olivia. “Do you think we’ll get him this time?”
Her expression softened for just a moment, a fleeting crack in her armor. “We have to.”
Hours passed in a blur of dead ends and frustration. Ross had gone underground. Fin and Rollins had come up empty at every location they searched. You could see the tension building in Olivia’s shoulders, the weight of the case pressing down on her. As the clock ticked closer to midnight, the squad room began to empty out, officers heading home or grabbing a few hours of sleep before the next shift. But you and Olivia remained, as always, locked in the hunt.
You sat across from her at her desk, the two of you going over case notes, when Olivia suddenly slammed a file shut, frustration bubbling over. “We’re missing something,” she muttered, rubbing her temples.
You watched her carefully. “We’ll find him, Liv. We always do.”
She looked up at you, her eyes softening at the sound of your voice. There it was again, that unspoken connection—just beneath the surface, always there, always waiting. “You should go home. Get some rest. We’ll pick this up tomorrow.”
“I’ll go when you go,” you said, your voice gentle but firm.
A small smile tugged at her lips, the first one you’d seen all day. “Stubborn as ever, huh?”
You shrugged, leaning back in your chair. “It’s one of my many talents.”
The brief flicker of amusement in her eyes warmed your chest, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come, replaced by the heavy burden of the case. Olivia’s hand moved to the file in front of her, fingers tracing the edge of a photograph of the victim, her eyes distant. “She was so young,” she whispered, more to herself than to you. “This shouldn’t have happened.”
You stood and moved around her desk, standing beside her. You didn’t say anything—there was nothing to say that would make it better. But you placed a hand on her shoulder, offering silent support. She glanced up at you, and for a moment, something passed between you, something raw and unguarded.
Her gaze flicked to your hand on her shoulder, and you quickly pulled away, clearing your throat. The tension crackled in the air like static electricity, the pull between you undeniable. But, like always, it was left unsaid.
Before either of you could say anything more, Rollins burst through the doors of the squad room, her face flushed with urgency. “We’ve got something. A tip came in—Ross was spotted at a motel down in Hell’s Kitchen. We’ve got units headed there now.”
Olivia shot to her feet, all traces of fatigue gone. “Let’s go.”
You were already moving, adrenaline pumping through your veins as the three of you rushed out of the precinct, sirens blaring as you sped through the darkened streets of Manhattan.
The motel was a run-down, seedy place tucked away in the shadows of Hell’s Kitchen. The kind of place where people disappeared. As you approached, your heart pounded in your chest. This was it—your chance to bring Ross in before he slipped away again.
“Units have the perimeter secured,” Rollins reported, her voice low as the three of you approached the motel doors, weapons drawn. “He’s holed up in room 214.”
Olivia nodded, her face a mask of focus. “Let’s do this.”
You took position beside her, exchanging a quick glance. In that brief second, the rest of the world fell away. It was just you and her, two parts of the same machine, moving together without needing to speak. The trust between you was absolute.
Olivia knocked on the door, her voice authoritative. “NYPD! Gavin Ross, open up!”
Silence.
Your grip tightened on your weapon, your pulse quickening. Every second felt like an eternity. Then, suddenly, the door flew open, and Ross bolted.
“Stop!” Olivia shouted, but Ross didn’t listen.
You sprang into action, chasing him down a narrow alley behind the motel. The sound of your footsteps echoed in the confined space as you closed the distance between you. You could hear Olivia right behind you, her breath labored but determined.
Ross darted around a corner, but you were faster. You lunged forward, tackling him to the ground. He struggled, but you pinned him down, twisting his arm behind his back as you slapped the cuffs on him.
Olivia was beside you in an instant, her eyes blazing with triumph. “You’re done, Ross. You’re not getting away this time.”
Ross spat at her feet, but Olivia didn’t flinch. She stood tall, her presence commanding as always, and you couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride. This was what you did, what you both did—together.
Back at the precinct, the team was abuzz with the victory. Ross was in custody, the case was wrapped, and Lily Sampson’s family would finally have justice. It was a rare moment of celebration in a job that so often ended in heartbreak.
As the adrenaline began to wear off, you found yourself back at Olivia’s office. She was sitting at her desk, her expression thoughtful, but there was a quiet satisfaction in her eyes.
You knocked softly on the doorframe. “Mind if I come in?”
She looked up, a small smile playing on her lips. “Always.”
You stepped inside, closing the door behind you. There was a comfortable silence between you, the weight of the case finally lifting. But just as you began to settle into that brief moment of reprieve, your phone buzzed. The precinct’s alert system flashed across the screen—a new development. Something big.
Olivia’s phone buzzed at the same time. She looked at you, her brow furrowing. “What is it?”
You glanced at your phone. “Ross’s prints came up on another crime scene. It just came in.”
Olivia’s face darkened, the weariness of the day replaced by a sharp edge of concern. “Another crime scene? When?”
You scrolled through the alert. “Two days ago. The body of a woman found in a park in Queens. Her face wasn’t recognizable, but the prints match Ross.”
A heavy silence settled between you. You thought you had him, thought this was finally over, but it seemed Ross had been busy before you caught him. Another victim. Another life lost.
Olivia rubbed her temples, her voice low but full of resolve. “We need to talk to him again. If there’s another victim, we can’t afford to wait.”
You nodded, already standing up. “I’ll grab the case file on the new victim. Let’s go make sure he doesn’t slither out of this one.”
The precinct was quieter now, the late hour thinning out most of the officers and detectives, but as you and Olivia moved with purpose toward the holding cells, it felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders. Cases like this were never clean, never simple. They stuck to you, left scars that couldn’t be healed.
When you reached the interrogation room, Ross was slouched in his chair, his wrists shackled to the table, his face twisted into a smug smile that made your stomach turn. The guy had no remorse—he never had. He glanced up lazily as you and Olivia entered, his expression daring you to do something.
Olivia didn’t waste any time. “We found your prints at a second crime scene, Gavin. Two days ago. Another woman dead. You think this is over?”
He shrugged. “You got me on one, Benson. But two? You sure about that?”
You exchanged a quick glance with Olivia. This was typical of predators like Ross—never give anything up unless they had to. His cocky demeanor only made the tension between you and Olivia grow thicker, the unspoken frustration of dealing with another monster who thought he could outsmart the system.
Olivia stepped closer, her voice low and dangerous. “We’re sure, Gavin. And so is the DA. This isn’t just about Lily anymore. You’re going down for both, and we’ll make sure you rot in a cell for the rest of your miserable life.”
Ross’s smirk faltered slightly, but he leaned forward, his eyes glittering with something dark and twisted. “You really think you know me, Benson? You think you know everything I’ve done?” He chuckled, a sound that made your blood boil. “There’s more. And you won’t even scratch the surface.”
Olivia’s eyes narrowed, her jaw clenched. You could feel the anger radiating off her in waves, but she didn’t give in to his provocation. Instead, she motioned for you to step outside with her.
Once in the hallway, you could see the tension in her posture, the way her fingers drummed against her side. You knew what she was thinking—this case was spiraling, and the more you learned, the darker it became.
“He’s taunting us,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper, but her frustration clear.
You nodded, your mind racing. “He’s hiding something. We need to dig deeper—check for other unsolved cases, anything that fits his MO.”
Olivia turned to you, her eyes intense, and for a moment, everything around you seemed to slow. You were standing closer than usual, the small space between you filled with that ever-present tension. Her eyes flicked over your face, lingering for just a moment too long.
You swallowed, feeling the pull, that undeniable chemistry that had been simmering for years. “We’ll get him,” you said, your voice softer than intended.
Olivia held your gaze for a second longer before nodding, her expression softening just a fraction. “We always do.”
The next day passed in a blur of information gathering and connecting dots. You worked tirelessly alongside Olivia, poring over files, cross-referencing old cases, and piecing together Ross’s movements. What you uncovered was chilling.
There were at least three other unsolved cases over the past year that matched Ross’s MO—each victim a young woman, each one lured to an isolated location and murdered brutally. The cases had slipped through the cracks, but now, with Ross in custody, it was clear he had been hunting for far longer than anyone had realized.
You and Olivia sat across from one another at a table covered in photos, maps, and reports. Your shoulders brushed occasionally as you leaned in to point out connections, the closeness sending small shocks through you. It was nothing new—this proximity—but lately, it felt heavier, more charged.
As you pointed to a spot on the map, showing where one of the victims had been found, Olivia’s hand brushed yours. Neither of you pulled away immediately, and your eyes met, lingering just a beat too long. There it was again—that unspoken electricity that had crackled between you for years.
You cleared your throat, pulling your hand back and trying to refocus. “If we push the DA, we might be able to tie Ross to these other cases. Build a stronger profile.”
Olivia nodded, her voice a little quieter than before. “You’re right. Let’s get the detectives on it.”
But even as you both continued to talk strategy, the air between you felt different. Something had shifted in that moment of accidental touch, something that neither of you wanted to fully acknowledge.
It was late again, the precinct emptying out as you and Olivia prepared for one final push. Ross had been formally charged for Lily’s murder and the second victim, but the investigation was far from over. You both knew there were more victims, more pieces to the puzzle that needed to be solved.
You found yourself sitting on the edge of Olivia’s desk as she reviewed the updated case files, the soft light from her desk lamp casting a warm glow over the room. There was a comfortable silence between you, the weight of the day’s work settling into your bones, but there was also something else—something that made your chest tighten every time you looked at her.
Olivia glanced up at you, her lips curving into a small, tired smile. “You’re still here.”
You shrugged, trying to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice. “I said I’d go when you go.”
She tilted her head slightly, her gaze holding yours for a moment before she spoke again. “You always have my back, don’t you?”
There was something in her voice—something softer, more vulnerable. It caught you off guard.
“Always,” you replied, your voice equally soft. The word felt heavier than usual, like it carried more than just professional loyalty.
Olivia leaned back in her chair, exhaling slowly. The tension that usually held her so tightly seemed to slip away, and for the first time that night, she looked almost relaxed. “I don’t know what I’d do without you here.”
Your breath caught in your throat, the intensity of her words hanging between you. For a moment, the case, the precinct, the entire world seemed to fade away. All that remained was the two of you, the unspoken bond that had always been there but had never been acknowledged.
You opened your mouth to say something—anything—but before the words could come, the sound of your phone buzzing on the desk shattered the moment.
You both blinked, the spell broken. Olivia sat up straighter, her usual mask of composure slipping back into place as she glanced at your phone. “Looks like you’ve got a message.”
You grabbed the phone, glancing down at the screen. It was a notification from Fin—Ross’s lawyer had arrived at the precinct, and they were prepping for another round of questioning in the morning.
Olivia stood, her expression shifting back to business as usual. “Looks like tomorrow’s going to be another long day.”
You nodded, slipping your phone into your pocket. “Yeah. Guess we should call it a night.”
As you both gathered your things, the tension between you returned, heavier than ever. But just like always, it remained unspoken.
As you walked out of the precinct together, the cool night air hitting your skin, you stole one last glance at Olivia. There was something in her eyes, something you couldn’t quite read, but before you could dwell on it, she gave you a small smile.
“Good night,” she said softly.
“Good night, Olivia,” you replied, your heart aching with everything you couldn’t say.
And as you both went your separate ways, the weight of silence followed you, lingering in the air like a promise waiting to be fulfilled.
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opal-owl-flight · 9 months ago
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An old photo, one that the Captain holds dear.
(Deets under the cut!)
after that pic they both faceplanted, 3 on top of 4.
"|I dare you to do pushups like this.|"
"BET"
She gets to a grand total of five before collapsing.
3 rolls off her, with a smug grin. "|I wonder how youre able to manage fighting with rollers with that strength, scrawny tentacles.|"
"I DONT
ALSO WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME????"
Going verbal just to mess with her 3 calls out.
"Scrawny Tentacles~!! Scrawny tentacles~!"
"COME BACK HERE YOU SQUIT"
4 starts chasing them -- but the way they move is noticably patterned in a way so 4 can practice turning quickly while firing a weapon.
...thats honestly how they shouldve continued with her. They used to be close friends until they had to part ways for 4 to follow her college dreams.
Back then, 3 was more playful, even after Tartar (though noticably reduced compared to pre-Tartar)
...something changed as in them as they got older. They believe in themself and everyone else's capabilities/potential just the same, but theyre more disciplined in their approach.
Maybe they lost that playfulness, now that theyre directly responsible for everyones lives.
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storm-angel989 · 3 months ago
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how would vox and the other vees react to his teenage daughter getting piercing and tattoos without them knowing?
Hi friend,
I like to think that Vox has better control of his emotions than Val- take a peek at what I came up with!
<3 Mandy
Vox could think of at least sixteen ways to handle the situation with an instantaneous result. Killing the person who dared to put a needle to the skin of his underaged daughter for one. An all girls boarding school, set in the furthest ring of hell. At minimum, screaming and yelling with he promise of infinite grounding would at least get his anger and disappointment out in the open.
When Velette called him down to her studio, he expected to be handed a file or six. Or more likely, be bitched at for some reason beyond his control. But when Velvette greeted him with little more than a command to follow her, and led him towards her office, he knew it was something much more pressing. Outside the door, Velvette paused.
“You can’t get mad, Vox,” she told him quietly. “You can’t. We need to handle it so she comes to us again. Got it? Promise me.”
“Uh, alright. I promise?” Vox replied. 
“Good. Now take a breath and keep that promise,” Velvette said as she pushed the door open. 
Inside, his daughter sat on top of Velvette’s desk. Wrapped loosely in a cotton robe and surrounded by tissues, Vox felt his heart drop. 
“Baby? Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked as he rushed towards her. He cupped her chin and tilted her head up to face him. “Talk to Daddy.” 
To his surprise, she shook her head vehemently. 
“You need to show your Dad, so we can get you to a doctor,” Velvette said gently. “Come on, he won’t be mad. Promise.”
She looked to him and to his surprise, his usually feisty teenage daughter had an expression that begged for confirmation of her words. In the back of his mind, worry began to form. A heartbeat of silence. A sharp elbow from Velvette and he winced. 
“That’s right, Reader,” he said finally. “I promise I won’t be mad.” 
With hesitation, Vox watched as Reader slowly turned away from him as she lowered her robe. Vox bit back as gasp at the sight of red inflamed skin sprawled across her lower back. Black lines rose to form an incoherent pattern and here and there he could barely make out parts of a word. Several words, perhaps. The broken up image of a butterfly. 
He felt his temper flare and Velvette’s hand tight against his shoulder. He took a deep breath and tried his best to keep his voice steady.
“What happened?” 
“I, my friends and I were at the mall and we decided to get matching tattoos,” she mumbled in response. 
“Where? How? You’re not old enough to get a tattoo, or a piercing without parental consent,” Vox said as he carefully examined her back. 
“Some guy in the back of the mall. He did my cartilage too,” Reader muttered as she lifted up her hair to reveal swollen, black and blue skin. “It’s all…it hurts, I’m sorry Daddy.” 
Vox couldn’t believe his daughter had done something so egregiously stupid. Gingerly, she pulled the robe over her back and turned to face him. 
“Daddy? I…”
“First things first. Let’s get you down to Val’s studio and have the doctor on staff take a look. You’re probably going to need a round or two of IV antibiotics and then we can go from there.” Vox said as calmly as he could. “We can talk about the rest later. For now, let's get you taken care of.”
Vox watched as his daughter broke down into tears. Instinctually, he reached out and wrapped her in his arms. 
“I know it hurts, baby, but we’ll get you some antibiotics. And probably a pain killer and you’ll feel much better,” he said as he held her. “Shush, sweetheart. Daddy will take care of you.” 
“She’s not just crying from pain, Vox,” Velvette said softly. “She’s afraid. Of disappointing you.”
Vox swallowed and carefully kissed the top of her head. “Honey, you know I love you. That won’t ever change, I promise.” He paused, “I know you’re too old to be carried, but if it hurts too much to walk.” 
To his surprise, his teenager leaned into him. As carefully as he could, he lifted her up into his arms.
“Don’t worry baby,” he said softly. “Daddy will always love you.”
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juelzsstuff · 3 months ago
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Can u pls do armin, hange, mikasa and levi x a depressed reader
YES I CAN
i can try. okay i can attempt
AOT CHARACTERS X DEPRESSED READER ft. armin, hange, mikasa, levi.
TW WARNING: self harm (non descriptive, don't relapse on me babez) depression, not eating (im serious) lack of sleep, thoughts of self induced not alive. no smut or anything just fwiends. i want to say most of these are gathered from stories of my own experience. if you don't like it please do not read it.
(f!reader! implied in hanges) your days in the scout regiment were hard, grueling, hopelessly doomed. the initial adrenaline of joining has worn off, you've seen unspeakable things and as of late you can't seem to find the energy anymore.
Armin
everyday was the same. wake up, train, meals, missions, failure, embarrassment, loneliness, sleep, repeat. today is no different you got dressed, went to the mess hall and sat beside a group of people without any words to speak and ate some kind of food you couldn't really taste. you got up and headed to the training grounds, the air outside as fresh as the old stale air of the barracks, the sun beaming down on you and your comrades the same way it does every other day, screaming at you with its light. you don't bother looking around anymore to count how many soldiers their were compared to the mission the day before. today though you stand to a blonde boy due to the missing comrades you once stood next to, you're sure you've seen him before with his two friends but his name left your mind, you didn't bother to look at him. you didn't want to know his face just to soon one day not see it ever again. you listened to the commander preach about the mission that day beyond the wall, his voice loud and somehow far away. you got the basic idea and headed out to the stables in the crowd of scouts.
you stay in formation listening to the gallop of horses surrounding you, listening to the ring of green flares burst into the air. red smoke fills the sky one after another. a titan. you heard it before you saw it. sprinting in from the left, since when was that blonde haired boy next to you? you wondered before veering off to the right per instructions. the vile creature still sprinting, leaping, toward you, you look back and thought shoots through your mind. go straight do not turn. a dark malicious vision of your end flashes with it. you slowed your horse without thinking and starting turning to your original path. the titan starting to change course and catch up with you, feared stung through your body, your mind fighting with instinct to turn back but it's too weak. day after day of feeling so heavy and hopeless takes a toll, memories flash in your mind of sitting alone, giving up on talking to others because the words never came out right. you hear something in the distance, a change in the pattern of galloping and signals being fired off and it snaps you head to look at it. it's the blonde boy and he's looking at you..... is he saying something? no he's screaming something. your ears and senses shoot you back to reality and you hear him scream, "y/n come back what are doing?!". he knows your name? when did you ever tell him that? before you can think you're heading back to the formation and the familiar ring of metal zipping around you attaches to the titan and two scouts take it down. silent small tears stream down your face and you pull your hood over your head not daring to look at the boy who's glancing at you.
the mission is over and you're walking back to the mess hall alone to eat whatever it is you're fed and something grabs your arm, you turn quickly to be met with a concerned face. it's the blonde boy, his eyebrows are knit together and his eyes are filled with worry. you look up at him, "hm?" "what the hell was that?" he says low and almost a whisper. "i panicked that's all", your voice sounded strange, in fact, when was the last time you even heard it? "don't lie, i see you everyday. i know that look" his grip on your arm tightening "why do you want to do that? why don't you talk to anyone or even look at anyone". you stare at him in shock, how did he notice? what do i say? his eyes meeting yours and suddenly yours are now burning and starting to water. shit. "i just.... i don't want to do this anymore, not this..... or anything else" the silent tears pour down your face and his eyes widen and he lets go of your arm. "im sorry" he mumbles and he pauses with a deep breath "i understand". he understands? dead fills your arms. you look up at him to say something but you can't. "i-" before you can finish your words he steps towards you and pulls you into a hug. you don't fight it but you don't hug back and yet he doesn't let go. it's not a hug of anything ill intended but one of understanding and care, the weight on your arms lift ever so slightly and the pit in your stomach lessens. here you are with a complete stranger hugging you in the middle of a empty hallway and yet he's saying he sees you and he understands. you don't bother doubting him, and suddenly the thought of not being alone this whole time washes through you. you've always watched and listened as scouts will comfort and spill their thoughts to each other like this but now it's happening for you. you lift your arms and lightly put them on his, a sad attempt for a hug but you're trying. it only lasted for a moment before he lets go and steps back. you look down sniffling before he speaks, "would you want to um... sit with me and my friends at dinner?". is he really asking me this? you wonder why he'd want to invite you of all people but you nod yes anyway. during dinner he introduces his two friends and himself, catching that you probably never knew who he was. you listen and say hello before going back to your food, taking bites that tasted slightly different, better even. you listens to them laugh and even breath out one yourself. today was different. today was better.
Hange
you roll out of bed with memories of yesterdays mission fresh on your mind. recalling the tragedy and suffering. you slept like shit. that's the only way to explain it, maybe an hour at most but the world does not stop turning for lack of sleep. you scrambled around on the floor for your white button down, brown pants, and beige jacket. you slapped them on and snatched the report from off of your desk. the headache never stopped, your eyes closed whenever they could be, not finding enough reason to look around when you didn't have to. you roam down the familiar halls, dragging your feet and listening to the noise. it took 32 steps and a right turn to get to hanges office, you braced yourself before knocking. god why did everything hurt even something as simple as knocking was such a annoyance. you knocked anyway and the thick wood of the door sent the feeling through your hand. you shake it out and put on a acceptable face. "come in", you walk in to see hange sitting at her desk. it was was a mess per usual, a microscope neatly in the middle with papers scattered everywhere else. "hello hange, i've got more papers for you" your voice rasp from lack of sleep. hange was the same age as you, infact her village wasn't far from yours growing up but you joined the scouts about five years later than her. "ah thankyou y/n! i'm drowning over here...hey do you think you could miss a few reports? i won't tell erwin" she says with such enthusiasm you're not even sure if she's joking. you laugh anyway "maybe ill just start summing them up to a couple words then, i bet erwin would love that". "she chimes back with something but you're too out of breath to think about it, why is everything so hard. even breathing is exhausting at this point. you sigh trying to get more air, the muscles around your lungs are constantly constricted. "is something bothering you y/n"? you blink at her "oh no not at all just taking a deep breath, my lungs are giving out on me" you force a chuckle because it's probably the truth but she doesn't need to know that. she speaks up "hm you aren't sick are you?" "no i think i must just be tired" you look at her and she's staring back with suspicion. "i get pretty tired too you know, i like to burry my head in my research for the truth on titans, it's a nice distraction" she smiles. "how's that going by the way?" you ask contemplating if she's talking about being more than "just tired". "to be honest i don't think i will ever come up with anything but that's not the point of it. having something to do is good for the soul!" she softens her voice, "when im feeling...tired i find going out for walks are nice too, plus a bottle of wine never hurt anyone" she shrugs with a laugh. you laugh with her even through it hurts from the muscles that will never not be sore, you don't have any drinking buddies or yk buddies at all for that matter and drinking alone in your room is a little too close to admitting defeat. you keep yourself together, "well if you ever need a drinking partner i would be happy to chat and get shit faced with you" you smile as she responds with a promise to take you up on that. they weren't many women in the scouts around your age other than hange and a few others that you never seemed to click with. you head out the door and give a wave before continuing on with you day.
night finally rolls around and you get to do your favorite thing. sleep. it's never great and honestly it sucks. nightmares and thoughts of the day always flood your precious time alone but for at least an hour, if you're lucky there is peace even if you aren't conscious for it. you peel off your clothes and change into another set. a white dress.....thing. it covered what it needed to and it was atrocious to look at but it did the job and you had a pair of beige shorts that were fuzzy on the outside from some animal. they were your favorite. finally you lay down in your bed and close your eyes, just as they close you hear a thunk at the door, a loud one at that followed by a quick "ow". you sit up, your back aching and your feet feeling like nothing but bones as you stand and walk over to the door. why? by the walls who wants something from me? you open the door to see hange?! she's wearing some clothes similar to yours, a white shirt and long beige pants and she's holding.....is that wine? uh oh. "hey y/n! why is your door locked? are you afraid of the dark?" she teased and you gave a giggle back. "yes absolutely and crazy ladies with bottles of wine on the middle of the night . what are you doing here?". she smiles and grabs your arm and drags you down the halls. this is not the usual slow 32 steps you take everyday to either destination and it hurts like 10 less steps more than usual. we are walking way too fast. i did NOT mentally prepare for this.
she brings the two of you outside to a camp fire out in the grounds and makes you plop down on a log adjacent to her on her log. you gasp trying to catch your breath inconspicuously, your entire body screaming to go back to bed . "did we have to run here? sweet ymir, hange how did you get all this wine?!" she lets out a short manic laugh and tells the story of how she made moblit steal it for her while she started the fire. "i told you id take you up on the offer" you remember your conversation from earlier. she's never done anything like this? embarrassment crawls up on you as you recall the two of you talking about being tired. you'll never admit what it truly is, the unshakable tired, the sore muscles, the closed eyes anytime possible, never talking unless spoken to. life was incredibly dull. so tiring. aimless. no partner. no friends. no joy. why do i even keep go..... you shut out the thought as soon as it comes. refuse to believe it. hange pops open the first bottle, you look around for a glass but before you can question it she shoves it towards you and pops open her own."moblit was very against this always nagging at me" she imitates his voice "'oh it's not good for you, hange wait what if you get caught' all that nonsense" you chuckle "i can the poor man losing it already" she laughs and you two continue taking gulps of wine with fuzzy heads. as the night goes on the two of you talk titans, missions, the people you miss, the people you don't, steamy scout experiences from old times in the barracks had the two of you howling laughing and cringing from horrible experiences now. you gossiped and talked about the thing you wouldn't except and she talking about the same, you took turns dancing and sang horrible tunes from bards for one another. eventually the sun came up and the two of you were passed out on the same log where moblit assembled captain levi to help carry the two of you back to your room. when morning came they day felt calm but was instantly interrupted by memories of last night and a new type of headache. a improvement nonetheless. you ending up holding back hanges hair as she spewed her guts in your bathroom before taking turns. a horrible display but a new best friend and better days followed.
Mikasa
the two of you were top of the class. essentially acquaintances nothing more, you sat together at lunch and throughout training as per command. everyone was paired together with a main "buddy" when not on missions. you two were paired together because everyone else had chosen, you overheard eren be angry with mikasa for whatever reason and he chose armin out of spite so you went up to her both with last resorts. you left her alone when you could, you didn't know eren or armin and all the other people you at least knew the name of had groups. alone essentially. it was hard and isolating, the highlight of your day was whenever someone was forced to speak to you. your family was turned into titans along with connie's parents, you two were from the same village but never spoke never bonded over it. connie seemed to recover okay, everytime you saw him he was laughing and chatting with sasha and jean, maybe because his mom had a chance still. your family did not, they weren't the nicest people to begin with but you had a little sister, she was only six at the time. it's hard to get over something like that, staying up at night thinking of what she must look like. is she tall? a low class meter? does she even move? where was she? is she scared? you parents could rot in hell, you always took care of her, little marie, the cutest thing ever. now all you could do was think of her, the pain in your heart was immense ever since the day you found out. the urge to eat wasn't there anymore, the grass was no longer green, killing titans made you sick especially the smaller ones. you didn't sleep much, you didn't eat much, you didn't talk much and there's wasn't much to make you smile.
tonight you went to dinner just like every other night, you thanked the people who cooked it, scanned the room for mikasa and sat next to her. you were missing a tray, for the third night in a row. no one ever noticed and you ate when you had the stomach for it. you listened to armin and eren argue about the walls and the ocean of fire or whatever it was they talked about. they talked about other scouts and how to improve while stuffing their face, you watched them today was bread and some suspicious meat. not enticing enough, you thought of marie and how maybe you could've spoke with her too like they did. eren and armin walked off with their tray and mikasa went with them. you sat alone and sighed from the weight on your chest and the thoughts in your mind. is she okay? does she remember me? i miss her and her cute curly tendrils of black hair and little yellow dress, how she would pick weeds and call them flowers. she didn't deserv- a tray slapped down in front of you and mikasa came back with hers. your head snapped to look at her, she looked angry and perfectly calm all at the same time. "eat" she said flatly. you blinked "oh im really not that hungry" you tried to convince her but prepared for her to spit back. "eat it or im going to make you. i'm not going anywhere till you do and i don't think either of us want to be embarrassed" she was deadly serious. "i'm really not hungry mikasa" she glared her eyes and picked up a spoon and threw it in front of you, "you haven't eaten in three days y/n. you getting too skinny, you won't be able to fight ti-...... you won't be able to train if you're any more of a stick than you already are. you will end up sick". you noticed her shift in words, did she know? i wasn't any skinnier than her was i? she seemed to read your thoughts, "if you get any skinnier than you won't be able to pick up a sword and you'll look like floch" she pointed to the gangly boy who's build was almost scary......wait was she saying i'll look like a boy. you picked up the spoon and held it. she stared before looking away and started eating herself not looking back. you blocked out the thoughts that haunted your brain about your sister, though your heart weighed so heavily you had tears in your eyes and your hand shook but you shoveled some gloop into your mouth. it tasted like nothing before it turned into something great, you didn't realize how hungry you actually were. the mystery food was warm and savory, you didn't stop until the plate was clear. in 10 minutes your body strengthened and you burped and tried to cover it up, embarrassed. mikasa let out a chuckle and looked around before burping quietly herself. no way she just did that. you held back a laugh trying to keep food in your mouth. she spoke, "i'm sorry i was rude but i thought you were gonna die if you didn't eat something soon enough". you sat there and swallowed your food and whispered, "thankyou".
the dining area had cleared out and she asked the question she was dying to know. "so you were from connie's village?". the gloop was coming back up and you covered your mouth. her eyes widened and she apologized quickly and shoved more food into her mouth. you swallowed back you bile and spoke, "i had a sister, i took care of her all the time. she had hair like yours but hers curled on the ends but your eyes are similar too" you managed a smile. she really did resemble mikasa and that was nice. "i didn't have any siblings just eren and armin, brothers i guess but no sisters". she blushed for a unknown reason to you,"i um i don't know if this is weird but sometimes i think we are friends like that, like sisters". a warmth spreads through you for the first time in months. she really feels that way? about me? "that makes me happy" you whisper out while you wipe tears. "stop making me cry mikasa" you give her a nudge and she smiles. "i don't know what it's like having a sister of course" she said again, she must be nervous about what she said. you spoke up, "they force each other to do things they don't want to because it's good for them, they fight and braid each others hair too tightly, pick weeds and pretend their flowers". you smiled and leaned on her. "you fit the role pretty well if you ask me". she smiles and asks if you can try to braid her hair because she never learned how. you agreed. later that night you told mikasa about your little sister and your old life, you ranted about not talking to anyone and how boring it was, you told her you were grateful and she said she was too. by then end she had two perfect braids and you had one scrambled attempt of one.
Levi
the years of being a scout had taken its toll, you were surrounded by people who you called your friends and lived your life as well as anyone else. in public anyway. when you were alone the mask would fall and the all consuming darkness would take over. you were numb to the things you once spilled tears over, the whole had gone gray but you pushed on through the misery. over the years bad habits had developed, teeth went unclean, baths were longer than allowed, you were always too early to events, stressing over insignificant things. the worst habit of all you hid like a addict, no one knew and that was okay with you. it wasn't meant to be seen, it was purely just for you and you alone. though sometimes you'd wished deep down that just maybe there was someone else who would know what's going on, a silent cry for help but that was illogical. regardless of that it was how you coped and you had accepted that, a way to get out of bed in the morning, to accept the fall of your comrades, to stop yourself from losing your shit before a event.
night had fallen after a long mission with the recon team. dinner in the mess hall was filled with small jokes and picking around at food and gossiping around per usual, nothing strange, you filled out your report for the captain and turned it in earlier, all that was left now was to go to bed. the thought was tiring enough, the feeling of longing to stay and chat with everyone lingered hard on your heart but the world doesn't stop turning for things like that in fact it even spins faster it seemed. everyone had trickled off into the dorms and you decided you should go too. walking down the familiar hallways to your cadet core dorm. maybe tonight everyone will stay up talking, that was your favorite. to hear others laugh and to know their outlook on life had not turned sour. on your way there someone stopped you, grabbing your arm. your faced twisted into something sour and your arm went limp trying to stop that pain. "hey what the-" you turn and see the captain, he's staring with a certain flat look on his face. he let go immediately and spoke "i need to talk to you about your report, you're missing key points". your eyes widen, why is he looking at you like that and what could you have missed. you feel your shirt start to stick to your arm where he grabbed. shit. you salute with the wrong arm to put it behind your back, "yes captain" you begin to follow him through the halls. uh oh. uh ohhhhh. once you reach his personal office, you sit in the chair by his desk and he sits across from you. "so you are missing the armory report, i've noticed it on a few other reports you've done". he slides you a paper and points at it,"it should be written in here other than that the reports are perfect". you smile and thank him for notifying you but this whole thing was just embarrassing. "am i free to go now?". "no not yet" he said sternly and so you sat waiting before he spoke again, "you are injured. you need to go to the infirmary immediately". you eyes widen you've been caught? but how did he know just from that? you speak up, "oh it's really nothing i already had it looked at, my odm gear got too hot and the wire stung me a bit. it happens" you smile through your lie. he does not buy it one bit and the two of you stare as you keep your arm pressed to your side. he sighs and speaks again,"let me look at it then if you won't go yourself". panic struck through you, you've never gone against a word he had said you were a soldier after all. filling orders was your only ask. your heart was racing trying to think of something, anything at all. "it- it's really okay sir, i should really go". that alone would have you running laps till the sun came up but he stared at you angrily. he dug through a drawer in his desk and pulled out some gauze and water in a canteen. " i won't question how it's there but that story is bs, don't lie to me again because i already know. let me do it or do it yourself but im not going anywhere till it's done". you fight back tears, mortified. why was he doing this? you reached for the supplies with shaky hands and said you'll do it yourself. he watched you take it and closed his eyes while he spoke, "i won't look". you were incredibly grateful, and let out a shaky "thankyou". you cleaned and bandaged yourself and took deep breathes to calm your nerves. the embarrassment was immense. his eyes still close as he spoke, "don't be embarrassed, it's not that uncommon. i just couldn't bare to see it anymore y/n. you're very bright and the thought of you doing.....that, made me sick". you've known the captain for years but he only spoke a few times and occasionally he'd ruffle your hair or reprehend you for sneaking into the kitchen or being too reckless. the two of you had a unspoken bond, he cared deeply like a family member would. "i'm sorry captain". you looked up at him to see sorrow in his eyes and you started crying, hard. the tears wouldn't stop and you barley noticed when he walked over and put a hand on your shoulder. "it's so hard" you said in between tears. "i know y/n, i know".
he knelt down to look at you and inspect your first aid skills. "you can't do this anymore, okay?". you sniffled and looked up at him, "okay i won't, i promise". he stood back up and smoothed your hair, "good....if you ever need someone to talk to don't be afraid to ask me. i understand more than you know". that only nearly shattered your heart again but you didn't want to disappoint him so from then on you kept your promise and confided in him about trivial things you usually kept locked away and about the harder things. some days he would talk to, sharing stories and trying his best at a joke. on nights when you couldn't sleep he'd let you pass out in his chair while he worked on the other side of the desk, before helping you to your dorm for the night.
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hollowed-theory-hall · 2 months ago
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I think that during the first and second wars Death Eaters did attack Muggles, but nothing so extreme that it would make Muggle headlines. It seems like when it comes to attacking Muggles Voldemort kept the Death Eaters on a tighter leash than when they would attack their fellow wizards and witches.
Why do you think that is? I can imagine a fair few Death Eaters itching for the chance to really let loose and go on a rampage, to break the Statute and show the Muggles just how "inferior" they are. Why do you think Voldemort kept them mainly focused on the Wizarding World?
I think it might be because, growing up during the Second World War and especially during the Blitz, Voldemort knows just how dangerous Muggles really are, something that the Death Eaters truly don't get at all. Muggles have waged war on such a destructive scale that the Wizarding World never has, which Voldemort has seen first-hand.
I already talked about it here and here, and you're right. During the first war, Voldemort clearly kept more of a leash on his Death Eaters — both when attacking muggles and fellow wizards. The only wizards that seemed to be free reign for the Death Eaters to attack were those affiliated with the Order of the Phoenix, and even then he only allowed them to be killed really towards the end of the war from 1979.
And I think that's because he doesn't really want a lot of people dead. Like, he's not a good guy, he won't mind if some died, but Voldemort consistently tries to avoid what he considers unnecessary casualties, both magical and muggle.
In the second war, his patterns change somewhat since his goal is different. As I talked about here. He no longer just wants to distract the ministry with war while he does his thing, he wants to kill Harry Potter. Because that's his sole focus, he isn't nearly as involved (He is so uninvolved in his own government takeover Umbridge can walk around with Slytherin's locket and claim it as her family heirloom without dying a torturous death) and the first chapter in HBP shows how that effects the muggle casualties:
How on earth was his government supposed to have stopped that bridge collapsing? It was outrageous for anybody to suggest that they were not spending enough on bridges. The bridge was fewer than ten years old, and the best experts were at a loss to explain why it had snapped cleanly in two, sending a dozen cars into the watery depths of the river below. And how dare anyone suggest that it was lack of policemen that had resulted in those two very nasty and well-publicized murders? [The murders were Vance and Bones, both witches] Or that the government should have somehow foreseen the freak hurricane in the West Country that had caused so much damage to both people and property?
(HBP)
The Death Eaters clearly attack muggles in the second war when Voldy just isn't there to tell them no. Yes, the two outright murderers were of witches, but the bridge collapse and the hurricane clearly hurt and killed muggles.
So, in the first war, yeah, Voldy didn't want to cause unecessaariy death among both muggles and wizards. In the second war, he cared way less about keeping his Death Eaters in line, but, still, when given the chance, when he was on the scene, he did limit them:
You have fought,” said the high, cold voice, “valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. “Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste. “Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately. “You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured.
(DH)
Yes, he is ready to kill each and every one of them if it means he gets what he wants (killing Harry Potter) but Voldemort wishes to avoid unnecessary death, both magical and muggle:
He saw the small boy’s smile falter as he ran near enough to see beneath the hood of the cloak, saw the fear cloud his painted face. Then the child turned and ran away. . . . Beneath the robe be fingered the hand of his wand. . . One simple movement and the child would never reach his mother. . . but unnecessary, quite unnecessary. . . .
(DH)
Voldemort lets muggle kids go after they saw him because their deaths aren't necessary. He thinks of himself as merciful. He doesn't kill without a reason and when he's around, he forces his followers to obay his own moral code.
But I don't think it has anything to do with him fearing muggles. I don't think he's too concerned with the well-being and secrecy of the wizarding population. Voldemort doesn't really care for ruling and would likely not lift a finger to help wizards if muggles found them out and decided to nuke them. I don't think he'd care enough to do something.
Like, he won't kill someone when he doesn't have a reason to, but he won't save someone if he doesn't have a reason to either.
Like, I think Voldemort is wary of muggles and would rather not reveal wizards to them, but I don't think that's his top concern in how he manages his Death Eaters. Because while he is wary, he does look down on muggles and thinks they would just never figure it out because they're too stupid (he thinks the same about most wizards, tbh). So, I don't think that's a big part of his motivation on why he avoids muggle casualties.
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beesneedswords · 1 year ago
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Final Rest
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Ascended Astarion ending. 🪷
Masterlist
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You sit and stare at the wall as you finally take a bath. It's the first one in weeks, but you're finally free of the tadpole in your head, and free of the Brain. You and Astarion have bought Cazador's Palace, to him it was another step in gaining himself back, to you it was a house, finally. A place to lay your head, a place to make your own. You were thinking blue instead of red, it's a royal color, but you also love how Astarion looks in it. You contemplate the pattern for the curtains when Astarion walks in.
You don't notice, but he stands and watches you for a minute, "Almost done, darling?" You're startled, but not frightened. He smiles at you, not a full smile, a small one you haven't seen him have since the ritual.
"I was thinking of redecorating." You stand and wrap a towel around yourself, "I was thinking blue."
"Whatever you want. I know you'll make it look perfect, just like you." He kissed your hand as you both walk to your room, "The red is a bit too much anyways, and I'd like a change."
You stand as he sits on the bed, drying yourself off. In his eyes you see the same darkness from when he turned you into his spawn. The power, determination, and degrading look he gives you. You don't mind that you have lowered yourself, but you now worry you won't be enough for his ever growing ego. The thought slips away as his hands lay on your hips and his eyes are now softer, the old Astarion reflected in them.
"I want to fulfill what I said, before you turned." He pulls you to him, "A decade in each other's arms."
Your heart leaps, maybe you were wrong, he's still the same vampire you fell in love with. He kisses you and you both collapse onto the bed, the last few months weighing you down. You hope to sleep for a decade in his arms.
You turn to look at him, his eyes are closed. You admire his pale skin and the bruises and scars from previous battles that are starting to fade. Your fingers comb through his hair and his muscles loosen, you never realized how tense he always was. With the mindflayer, Absolute cultists, Cazador's ritual, and the Brain, there's no wonder he has been living on the edge all this time.
You twist the silver strands around your index finger and notice the red eyes on you, "Thank you." His voice barely a whisper.
"For what, love?" You ask, his eyes close again and he pulls you against his body, "Star, what is it?"
"You saved me, you helped me become what I am." He sighs, "I'm honestly surprised you did."
"I want you to be happy. You lived two centuries in torment, I want you to finally feel love."
"Love."
The words leave his lips, but he's still unsure of the real meaning. He thinks what he's done to you, sharing his newfound power and his new purpose is love. Maybe it is, but love to you is going to the ends of the world to keep what you have, killing anyone who would dare threaten it. It's putting yourself aside for other people. You know he is still learning what it means to be someone's everything, so you push aside your thoughts for now.
You lay your head on his chest and listen, but there is no sound. No heartbeat you'd expect to hear. Slowly your eyes get heavy, and you do as he'd hope. You spend a decade in each other's arms. Together you redecorate the palace into a beautiful blue, you host your late companions over when you can. You don't leave each other's side for a decade. You couldn't be happier.
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