#how could that ever work? everyone deals with the outcomes of their 'bad' choices and gets wiser. and here i am.

[bluedestinybluebird]

This week I met a person who kept saying that "everything happens for a reason".

I can't say I believe it any more. Mentioned the well-worn argument: if that's the case, all the bad stuff that happens, all the tragedies and suffering, violence, illnesses and abuse, they happen "for a reason" as well.

Which. If we assume that's true. Makes the system so rigged that I don't really want to believe in it.

The missing piece might be her belief that she's not alone in all this, though. That she needed help, and at that point, she received it, sent from The Lord, whomever they might be.

So yeah. Maybe not feeling alone in all this is the key.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Dead Friend Forever - final thoughts

I say final thoughts, knowing I will likely have many more thoughts to come on this series. Because this is definitely one of those shows that gets its hooks into you.

I file this one under "super memorable and engaging watch that I will never watch again" because I really enjoyed it, but also struggle with such dark material (and I can't stop crying over sweet baby White).

First though, major props to BOC for doing something different in the BL genre. This is the kind of creativity that I love to see, similarly to The Sign or Playboyy. It doesn't always work, and I know there are wildly different feelings about all three of these shows, but that's the point - if no one takes creative risks, no one cares about the outcome.

In this case, the ending actually worked for me. I was expecting something ambiguous, because a) horror genre, and b) there was such a huge difference in interpretations throughout the entire series that it seemed clear they were planting a lot of things that could be seen in vastly different ways. And I think the ending stays consistent with that.

I also don't mind ambiguity if it gives me a lot to chew on in metaphorical meaning, and wow was this show a juicy one.

That said, it definitely wasn't perfect, and there were plenty of loose threads that could have been tightened. But I still found so much that worked for me.

My interpretations

So here's my thoughts on the ending, speaking for myself, within my lens and my cultural context.

I see this as a story about purgatory. Not in the sense of any religious system, but in the sense of being a human, and dealing with human emotions. It's a story about the ripple effects of our own selfishness, of how lack of empathy and caring creates a cost for ourselves as well as others, of holding on to guilt, of what happens when we refuse to reckon with the harm we've done.

I don't see anything that happened on this current day visit to the house as a literal, real life, experience.

A few reasons why (and note, I'm aware there are people who will prescribe the below to bad writing/editing, I'm interpreting these as conscious choices made by production):

The road seemed quite well maintained and straight forward on the way in on the truck (and well used enough that Por's dad put a sign up there), yet when anyone tried to leave, they ended up on small forest paths or there was damage to the road.

Similarly, Top & New rode out on the bike for a while, but then New was able to get back to the house really quickly. It had a feeling of "you can check out any time you like but you can never leave" for me.

The Janta temple. This random big building with a ton of fresh blood and lit candles, yet no one else ever being around, and Phee & Jin getting locked in.

The drugs don't explain how all the hallucinations matched so well, or that they all focused exclusively on Non. You telling me Por and Top never did any other sketchy shit in their life? Tee worked for his uncle for years, but didn't have a single other regret? No glimpse of his father, of White being hurt? Fluke didn't get any visions of his parents asking when he was going to finally be a doctor and worthy of their love? White, the one stuck in purgatory because of his love for Tee, was the only one to have a non-Non hallucination.

It's also not really well explained how New could have physically done everything here - such as set up the trap for Por while hanging out with the other guys. Maybe he did, but he never confirmed Phee's explanation for everything that happened.

But my biggest reason for feeling this way is what happens to each character.

Por was used to being the center of the group, due to his wealth and status. But he gets immobilized and silenced.

Top made Non take the fall for him, and then becomes the puppet of the killer in this scenario.

Fluke always did his best to stay on the outskirts and not be seen, but everyone here sees his paranoia and selfishness.

Tee had regrets, but he was still responsible for a huge part of what led directly to Non's death, and he ends up losing what he loves the most through his own actions (he was the one who convinced White to come, like he convinced Non to work for his uncle).

Jin knew that he was violating Non by recording and releasing the video, hence his experiencing the same violation in his hallucinations. But the crux of his situation is that he had a selfish love for Non, and therefore regardless of how much he wants to believe that Phee's love will protect him, it's not enough to save him in the end.

And then of course we have Phee, New, and White. Three people not involved in the initial course of actions, but caught up in them all the same.

White is truly innocent, but sometimes when we love those who have caused harm, we pay a cost. That's the injustice of life. He was a good boy, and learning what Tee did hurt him.

Phee couldn't let go of his guilt for what he said the last time he saw Non, and for not reaching out to him in time. He knew how much Non struggled, he came in during a self-harm attempt before, but his pride wouldn't let him help Non. He also moved on with Jin, but won't acknowledge that there are genuine feelings involved. He says this weekend is all about learning the truth, but he doesn't even care that Jin released the tape. He wants to believe he knows Non better than anyone, but he doesn't really. He wants to heroically save Jin, but he is not the romantic hero in any of this. There's a disconnect between who he wants to believe himself to be, and who he actually is. And it's why he's not really free at the end.

And New. New is so fascinating to me, because like Phee, he was trapped in his guilt. But unlike Phee, through his choices at the house (despite regretting the innocent loss of White & Dang), through his passionate commitment to doing whatever he can for Non, even if it is far too late, he is able to finally let go of his guilt. He is at peace with his choices, and so he sees Non forgiving him. And I think New is able to move on.

Because in the end, I don't see this as these boys being punished by some cosmic moral authority, but rather their own choices and own feelings of guilt/refusal to admit to said guilt.

Reminder - I make no claims of "the truth", this is just my truth.

Relatedly, they did nothing to prove that Non did not fake his death, so you can't make me think he's not having a much better life somewhere with a really good therapist and a hot boyfriend (perhaps Perth).

Last note - the acting in this show was so goddamn good. Mio and Barcode were the standouts for me, but there was a lot of talent on display. I hope they all get a nice career bump from this.

[lycandrophile]

hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

[bestangelofall]

One of the things I want most is for Bruce to be fully aware how his behavior and choices affect Jason so: soul bond them and bring up the past. The nature and degree of Jason’s suffering must be felt!

Thank you so much for the ask!!! I thought about this the whole time I was working today and I had to make little pauses to make some notes.

I'll put the rest under the cut because this got long 🫣

I ADORE the idea tbh, so I was thinking about how a soulbond could happen, and my favorite scenario is it happening at the ending of UTRH.

We have the Batarang incident™ and Jason is in dire need of help. Then the purple thing that first resurrected him acts again. I know that canonically that's because of Superboy Prime, but for worldbuilding purposes, I'll go with "it's a mystery and no one know wtf happened". Anyway... the—magic—either doesn't let him die, or he briefly does die and it brought back, but this time because of a soulbond with Bruce.

Why? I don't know. Magic fuckery. Something something his feelings for Bruce (hatred, love, yearning, whatever they may be) and Bruce's feelings for Jason (regret, love, disappointment, yearning, GUILT, whatever they may be) are so strong that the universe basically goes all "after all, why shouldn't I bond these two fuckers together?"

Anyway. None of them knows what happened (though Jason finds it weird to be alive, but hey, that might be just the suicidal thoughts talking, maybe the cut wasn't that bad. Maybe he gaslights himself into believing that, even if it changes barely anything about the outcome of that night).

Bruce, for his part, starts to have feelings and ~vibes~ that seem foreign to him. Even if he's deeply familiar with grief and guilt, and self-destruction, it all seems just... extreme. The profound sense of loss he feels is greater than ever before—and he doesn't understand why. He already lost his parents, he already lost Jason once, so it shouldn't feel as raw and suffocating like it does.

Oh, and the betrayal? It follows him everywhere and almost constantly. It feeds his paranoia. It all coalesces into self-destructive behavior, and he makes it everyone's problem, in a similar fashion to after Jason's death.

To put it mildly, he's not well.

No matter, he just bottles it all up as per usual, even if he suspects there is something just wrong with it all.

Both of them live their lives as usual. And here I'll mix pre-reboot/N52/Rebirth things because that's what I usually do.

Now, I thought about different ways to have the reveal.

I thought about it being in Ethiopia 2.0 (Jason feeling Bruce's grief for Damian, not understanding why he feels like he just lost someone so important to him, when, in all honesty, it shouldn't feel like that. Jason also feeling Bruce's determination and certainty bleed through onto him, and oh, when he understands what is happening, that those are Bruce's emotions, and how Bruce *feels* about taking him to Ethiopia without a care if it gets him what he wants... yeah.)

But then I thought... we don't really know how reconciliation happened in Rebirth. It's all very vague. So maybe the bond had some influence on their minds, in Jason's choice of living by Bruce's rules. The reveal could be something softer, with no one great event that forces them to realize what happened.

Realization comes to Bruce in bits and pieces. It's after he goes to confront Jason and berate him for doing something reckless (much like something that Bruce himself would have done), or after Jason drops by the Cave to bring Intel for a case they're begrudgingly working together and sees that there's a ~family event~ going on at the manor (inspired by the portrait, or by 149, for example). It's all small things that start to add up. How Bruce will feel worse after those things, a bit more suicidal, a bit more tired, even if he's learned to deal with those feelings (even as to start thinking, with time, that they are entirely his).

He consults Zatanna and gets the veredict...

His first reaction upon learning about what's going on is to bottle up things even more, because this bond is a weakness, something that could be used against him. By Jason.

Something something they both end up in a high emotions scenario (maybe the plot that leads to Rhato25 happen in a similar fashion), and Bruce uses the bond to "show Jason how much he's loved". Jason takes it all: the regret and guilt Bruce feels about him, the lasting grief.

It doesn't change anything. It just makes Jason be irrevocably sure that Bruce will never see that he's there, alive. He will only ever be something that Bruce regrets.

Sorry if this didn't go in the direction you expected but it got angstier than I intended 😭 and it has the tone of "not even a soulbond would fix their problems".

:/

Alternatively: Bruce learns about the bond after Gotham War lmao and he has a taste of his own medicine.

[demcnsinmymind]

character info sheet.

Name. Lance Preston

Name meaning. Land, territory, or the weapon with the same name.

Alias.( ses ). He's boring and doesn't really have any. Though post canon, he'll run with the fake name 'Sean' to keep his real identity hidden.

two pictures you like of your character.

this shot of him in the room is just so freaking iconic and I'm forever mad they cut it from the film. and the second one because it's such a general boy mood.

three headcanons you never told anyone.

uuffff, I feel like at this point, I've told everyone all about all my headcanons lmao.

I feel like he doesn't believe in any concept of fate/destiny or whatever the like. He believes outcomes are entirely up to ones own choices and decisions and that said outcomes can always change based on those choices and decisions and thus, that nothing's set in stone. That's one of the main reasons why he's such a driven and determined character. He still believes that if you try and work hard enough, things'll turn out the way you want them to.

That basement attack actually pretty much killed him, at least for a short amount of time. Cut content pretty much confirmed that it left him with maaaaassive brain trauma. But given how fucked up time in that place was and how obsessed it became with him, it wouldn't let him go quite literally. Deep down, he knows that he did, but that would mean admitting that in a way, he lost his fight and didn't quite make it out, and he just won't/can't do that. He's just stuck in a weird limbo where he's pretty much a paradoxical dead man walking, perfectly alive and breathing and talking when he really shouldn't be.

He knew that not everyone inside the building was evil/paranormal and that some were 'regular' innocent 1940s patients completely unaware of the time/space rift in that place. He still set fire to the building just so he could escape it/the cult/the loop. He kept trying to convince himself that in his timeline, all of them had already been long since dead anyway, that it was all a paradox so it and they couldn't be/weren't/aren't real people caught in the crossfire, but he still has nightmares about that night in particular, and how truly bonechilling and horrifying those screams had been compared to the paranormal ones he'd been taunted with during the inbetween time. What makes it messier is that he really can't tell if he killed any of them, since the fire itself created a paradox that corrected itself. When he got back to his timeline it was the one where he went inside the building in 2003 aka where it was still standing and not burned down, so how could anyone have died in a fire that was never set? But the problem will always be that he did set that fire to get out. And he did watch it burn to the ground. And after everything he's seen and been through, he isn't much of a sceptic anymore, can't rule out anything anymore, even the possibility of parallel timelines/worlds. And in one of those, he did burn people alive, and it's just another forever dilemma he's struggling with and that's putting more knots in his brain that he honestly can't quite deal with.

three things your character likes to do in their free time.

Write scripts and come up with new movie ideas 2. edit movies 3. read about filmmaking 4. movies

three people your character loves.

his mom. He just straight up adored this woman and I've written countless headcanons about that. It's the one woman/love he would never ever hide or play down or make fun of. It's just honestly very sweet.

sasha. he was bad for her and always knew it, could be a dick with her at times too, but he had such a soft spot for her

people who aren't het cis men / women in general. period. and not just for hedonistic reasons. Given his character, his job, and the things that happened, he just generally doesn't mash well with most het cis men. he always expects the worst of them because of the way he himself acts and thinks and the way he's seen others like him act and think. he just has a deep appreciation and respect for women in general, vibes with them much better and quite frankly, just loves the ever loving shit out of them.

two things your character regrets.

1. locking the door. deep down, he knows that it wouldn't really have mattered. He said it himself, they were doomed the minute they set foot in the building. But still, T.C. asking him why he locked that door and everyone telling him that they just want to go home haunts him even years later. He picked the building. He knew its violent history, knew that it was built like a prison. And he was the one who kept provoking it even when his team got uncomfortable. Despite everything he knows, he still blames himself for the fact that none of the people he locked inside that building made it out alive. Worse still, that even the man he asked to physically lock that door killed himself over it, too.

2. Killing Trevor/getting people killed in general. Even though he's a survivor who'll do literally anything to survive, it still doesn't mean that he likes that one bit . He doesn't want innocent people to get hurt or worse, killed.

three phobia's your character has.

hospitals 2. doctors/surgeons 3. being tied up/restrained/trapped

tagged by : @void-foxy tagging : the usuals : @badassxbirdy @kxllerblond @demonstigma @ebonyforged @greatwrath @bitchheroine @therebekahmikaelson @huntresscaraquinn @shellcrack @mslangermann @walriding @innerwar

I wanna read all your headcanons and I won't take no for an answer :>

[jack-bytez-genuine-corner]

I will also promptly shoot myself in the foot to get into the corporation / not artist mindset, but making art is truly difficult, capturing good pictures of the world is difficult, making videos and writing are difficult and sometimes people can't do those things due to a lack of skill or talent or time, etc, so they are a market for AI image algorithms. But they are a threat in that they can replace real artists who put in real labor to siphon money to a giant corporation who is, for all intents and purposes, stealing that work EVEN IF they are "Paying" for it via things like this where they sign a deal with a social media site. Under the current laws this is legal as you basically waive any ownership to your own work as soon as it hits the web, but it hits people as unethical and shady which is real bad when you're a site with so many dedicated artists who use your site to connect and get jobs.

I get the appeal of AI art, I really do. I can't picture things in my head at all, I struggled to make any art since I was a kid and now I don't even try to draw cause it's just not ever going to match what I want, and that's fine. I channeled that energy into TTRPGs. If AI art was around when I was younger I would have used it cause I was obsessed with running by head into a brick wall cause I viewed art in a small scope with the only value being in ones you can directly see, but having hit my head against the brick wall I expanded what I viewed as art and, by extension, gained far more respect for the people behind the art and the process they went through to finish a piece.

The real shame is that anyone can be creative and they just have to find the outlet that works for them and with AI art being sourced via straight theft (Given that so many people won't know if their art was used by AI or not unless we users keep sharing that you should opt out of the ai training) it not only is taking their work but is already being used to fire good artists from their positions in favor of the basically free robot with no soul nor creativity. Even on here AI art prompters can very easily pretend to be real artists and charge real people real money for them to task an AI with making fake art while artists who need that money get passed up and put down via algorithm, lack of interaction, sharing, etc.

If you want art made but you can't do it yourself you should pay an artist. There are many artists who, sadly, do really high quality, high effort art for very little pay due to how competitive it is. If you want to make art you need to find the outlet that works for you cause"Drawing" may not be it and it may be sculpting or writing or even acting, photography, etc. If you want to basically sell users artwork to a company to train their AI you should at least make it blatantly obvious that THAT is what will happen if you post a pic via a warning whenever someone is trying to post an image, and best case scenario it should default to opt out. Because the worst outcome is that sense of betrayal when that user finds out they were being used for some random rich guy's profit so some rich company could fire an entire studio and replace them with bots who can only forge and steal, not create.

And yes, there are artists out there who would be down with their art training an AI. If the photos I take on trips was used by an AI to learn I wouldn't be bothered, but that's a personal choice and it should be one that every poster can choose for themselves at the outset, putting that single option to automatically opt in is making the decision for them which harms users and, by extension, company rep. Just think it over, because that sense of betrayal and theft is a big issue I think everyone would like to avoid.

Hi, Tumblr. It’s Tumblr. We’re working on some things that we want to share with you. 

AI companies are acquiring content across the internet for a variety of purposes in all sorts of ways. There are currently very few regulations giving individuals control over how their content is used by AI platforms. Proposed regulations around the world, like the European Union’s AI Act, would give individuals more control over whether and how their content is utilized by this emerging technology. We support this right regardless of geographic location, so we’re releasing a toggle to opt out of sharing content from your public blogs with third parties, including AI platforms that use this content for model training. We’re also working with partners to ensure you have as much control as possible regarding what content is used.

Here are the important details:

We already discourage AI crawlers from gathering content from Tumblr and will continue to do so, save for those with which we partner. 

We want to represent all of you on Tumblr and ensure that protections are in place for how your content is used. We are committed to making sure our partners respect those decisions.

To opt out of sharing your public blogs’ content with third parties, visit each of your public blogs’ blog settings via the web interface and toggle on the “Prevent third-party sharing” option. 

For instructions on how to opt out using the latest version of the app, please visit this Help Center doc. 

Please note: If you’ve already chosen to discourage search crawling of your blog in your settings, we’ve automatically enabled the “Prevent third-party sharing” option.

If you have concerns, please read through the Help Center doc linked above and contact us via Support if you still have questions.

[gumdropgamespot]

Hey - to the baby modders on the block.

I know there’s been a lot of chatting lately in these spaces about cc creators putting recolors behind paywalls. I know there’s a lot of folk online right now insisting that it’s so easy and takes so little time and is so embarrassing that someone could see value in them. It’s coming (often, or at least mostly) from a genuinely decent, ethical place.

But I’ve seen a number of you expressing that these sorts of attitudes keep you from trying to create something yourself. And discouraging others from trying a new skill is NOT the intended outcome (and if folks are in your inbox saying so, block ‘em, babe).

Some people are forgetting (or simply not currently stating) that recolors are where nearly everyone starts. And the first time you download s4studio and crack open that first package file, it’s not easy. It’s new. That’s how new skills are! And frankly, your first attempts are either going to take more time than you ever anticipated or are going to come out poorly. Learning how to wrap a 3D object with a 2D plane takes time, and practice, and the development of artistic sensibilities which you don’t just magically have! It takes experimentation!

Even just adding new color to an object requires a whole range of skills that have to be learned (how to work with s4studio and the art software of your choice, how to handle layers, how to map or add shadows, how to read the diffuse maps and what they heck they mean, how to troubleshoot, etc etc etc). We have all downloaded cc before. We all know what good vs bad recolors look like. Not all recolors are equal. They take practice.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try!! Just the opposite. Start with the recolors. In another three weeks you’ll be downloading blender. And learning about the magic of the warehouse, and meshing, and maybe even coding something! Every step of the way you’re learning transferrable skills. You’re growing as an artist, as a designer, as a programmer - the list goes on!

Modding is a hobby that can translate to a whole host of new knowledge, a great deal of which can become useful to a variety of professions - from artists to game devs. You deserve the chance to learn something new, whether it’s building future paths or just proving to yourself that you can succeed at something!

Please don’t let negative voices win. Please have the courage to create. 🖤

I believe in you!

[rantingoverbadfic]

Only Sith deal in absolutes

but goddammit if there isn't a great deal of writers salivating at the idea of committing to the sithly path in the name of the Light.

It isn't like this maxim isn't widely known - it is one of the most recognizable quotes from the movies and firmly established as canon, instead of being in that grey area of Legends canon that a lot of our other worldbuilding blocks are, like Obi's background and upbringing, or the fighting styles and forms, or the clone troopers own internal culture and the mandalorian influence on it. And while there is some sophisticated wankery about the statement being an absolute in itself, Obi-Wan is still voicing a prevalent belief held by the Order.

And then an author goes and says, you know what would be a splendid idea? If we had one chosen being or one designated race that is hundred percent immune to the Dark Side! I am going to create an Absolute that is Light!!11! Talk about failing to understand the assignment.

I understand where those authors come from - it is so much easier to deal with amoral choices when you can chuck off all the responsibility on some Chosen One, so much easier to argue that it is not you, the author, who had killed off a fave, or failed to reconcile a conflict that had caused a lot of pain and grief in canon (Jaster, my beloved, you died too young!), but it was the Force's will, or the inability of your savior to act in time.

But this is bullshit reasoning. People fail. Bad things happen. If you are immune to the struggles normal Jedi - and normal people - have of finding the most honorable path forward out of only bad choices, then you can't understand that struggle and you will lack compassion for those who are fallible. Your own choices will be based on something other than compassion and honor, most likely efficiency, which will in turn likely make your decisions monstrous in eyes of others, making you a monster. Just because the author writes the most positive outcome possible, doesn't change that this is the same road paved with good intentions that Anakin embarked on - if only there was one good, trustworthy politician who could be trusted with absolute power to make decisions over everyone! We all know how that turned out.

The danger of the Dark Side is not in merely existing. That 's a purity wankers' mindset and I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. The danger of the Dark Side is that it is pervasive and can corrupt even the best of men, no exceptions, if they don't stay vigilant and guard against letting small exceptions slide that tend to be followed by big exceptions and being open to blackmail until they suddenly find themselves doing the work of evil unquestioningly and enthusiastically, even if it is just to stay ahead. That is what the Jedi were supposed to learn - not to stagnate in their moral superiority but to be ever vigilant and not compromise their beliefs. And that is much more difficult to write, and much less rewarding emotionally, when whatever you choose still leaves your hands dirty.

(I am not calling out those who write fic using those tropes - I have read plenty of fic in SW utilising it with great enjoyment. It's just - as as I loved those fics, they always ring wrong because they go against everything I understand about the Force from canon. Even the prophecy that Qui-Gon believes to apply to Anakin talks about bringing balance to the Force - not the complete eradication of one side of it. But it's not like I don't have my problems with the Jedi's interpretation of what the Force wants and how to achieve that anyway, and I suppose that this is a matter of a difference of opinion. After all, if only the Sith deal in absolutes, then only the Jedi are capable of waffling the smallest disagreement interminably until everyone involved longs for the sweet embrace of death.)

((I wanted to say the Dark Side is capable of corrupting everyone and everything, with no exceptions, so long as you draw breath, but had to rethink that. Is it really true that the Force stops influencing someone when they are dead? We DO have Force Ghosts. And while Anakin did repent upon dying, was it really long enough to reverse his Fall, so that he could become a Ghost himself? Do we really know how far the effects of Sith Alchemy reach? So, yeah, you might not even be safe when you are dead. I would watch out, Bail, if I were you; the enemy knows your name.)

[cuttoothed]

Fic for day 3 of @jonmartinweek for the prompt "Healing & Recovery". We've all been saying jmart need a lot of therapy after the finale, so...yeah.

Disclaimer: I have never been to couple's therapy. I have done some reading on it, but this is not intended in any way to accurately reflect real world therapy practices. Please just assume that anything "off" is due to the way couple's therapy is practiced in AU-land (though of course feel free to let me know if you spot anything egregious).

*

“Why don’t you start,” Judith suggests, “By telling me about the incident?”

The two men on the sofa give her identical startled looks, as if she’s uncovered something incriminating. Martin seems to regain his composure first; he clears his throat, and his hand moves to cover Jon’s, unconsciously protective.

“Sorry, wh-what do you mean by “incident”?”

“For most couples who come to see me, there’s an...inciting incident,” Judith explains. “Something that makes them realize they could use some professional support to work through things. Of course any couple can benefit from seeing a therapist together on occasion, to deal with small issues before they become big ones. But, well, it’s the same way that everyone knows they should go for regular check ups with their GP rather than waiting until they actually get sick—it’s just not something most people get around to until they need it.”

She pauses to give them time to consider that, and after a moment Jon nods, looking mildly embarrassed.

“Right,” he says. “That’s, ah, I think that’s fair.”

“There are pretty strong extenuating circumstances, though,” Martin huffs defensively. “We didn’t exactly have the option for therapy in the a—wh-where we lived before.”

“It’s not intended as a criticism,” Judith tells him. “You’ve chosen to talk to a therapist, and that’s a big step—one that many people never take. You’re ahead of the curve, Martin.”

Martin looks mollified at that; he’s clearly a bit touchy about perceived criticisms of their relationship, and Judith doesn’t want to get him on the defensive. She gives them both an encouraging smile.

“So,” she says. “Is there an incident you’d like to talk about?”

The two of them look at each other expectantly, as if each is waiting for the other to start. After several long moments of silence, Jon raises his eyebrows meaningfully, and Martin sighs.

“Fine,” he says. “So, we, uh, we recently realized that our...garden was a-a bit of a mess. So we—Jon and I—we get together with our...housemates, to figure out what kind of flowers we should plant. Fuschias or—or hydrangeas. ”

He pauses to glance nervously at Jon, who gives him a reassuring nod, squeezing his hand.

Right, Judith thinks, This is probably not about flowers.

“We agree we all want fuschias,” Martin continues, “Except Jon—he wanted hydrangeas. But we took a vote, and it was fuschias.”

“Except of course most of our—our housemates weren’t there for that meeting,” Jon interjects, folding his arms across his chest.

“Yes, but we agreed we couldn’t wait to ask every single person,” Martin says sharply, back on the defensive. Jon’s brow furrows and his mouth opens as if to say something, but he changes his mind and shuts it again. Conflict aversion is one of the most common dysfunctions Judith sees in the couples she treats; very few people want to disagree with the person they love, and even fewer know how to have a constructive conflict. She makes a mental note of it for later.

“Go ahead, Martin,’ she suggests gently. Martin looks unhappy, but continues.

“So we agree to plant the fuschias the next day, but Jon—Jon sneaks out in the middle of the night and starts, uh, planting hydrangeas. Without telling anyone.”

Without telling me, Judith hears in his hurt tone. Jon’s arms are still folded, and he’s almost squirming in his seat with the effort to not interject; Judith decides it’s a good time to invite him into the story.

“Jon, why did you feel so strongly about the hydrangeas?”

“It’s—it wasn’t that I wanted hydrangeas, I just couldn’t a-accept the idea of—of fuchsias.”

“Couldn’t allow it, you mean,” Martin grumbles. Judith lets it pass and continues to focus on Jon.

“Why is that?”

“They, uh, they spread…” Jon waves his hands vaguely. “Their—their...roots? They would get into the, uh, the neighbors’ gardens, completely take over, destroy everything.”

“Potentially,” Martin insists. “There was no guarantee—”

“There was no reason they wouldn’t,” Jon snaps.

By now Judith is not only sure that this has nothing to do with gardening, but suspects that neither of these men has ever seen a fuchsia in their lives. It’s fine, though. This is far from the first time a client has invented a story out of whole cloth so they can work through something uncomfortable without actually describing it. And this is their first session; Judith hopes in the future they’ll trust her enough to give her the real story.

“Remember,” she tells them. “We’re not here to decide that someone was objectively right or wrong, we’re here to help you understand each other and improve your communication skills.”

“Right,” Martin mutters, unconvinced. Jon’s expression is distressed, but he continues.

“There was no other choice,” he says wearily. “The only other option was—was azaleas, and I know you didn’t want that, Martin.”

“Absolutely not.” Martin sounds horrified. “But hydrangeas, Jon? Do you really think that was a better option?”

“You have to see the difference.” Jon’s tone goes stiff and incredulous, as if he’s winding up for a lecture, and Judith decides to cut that off before it starts.

“So what I’m hearing,” she says, “Is that you both had very strong, conflicting opinions on this topic. And that’s okay—it’s okay for you to disagree, even on something important. You’re not always going to agree on what the right thing to do is. Often there is no single “right thing,” so it comes down to how the different choices make us feel.”

“That doesn’t seem like a good way to make a decision that affects the wh—a lot of people.” Jon clearly considers that his opinion on not-flowers was the objectively correct one. Judith smiles.

“People aren’t computers, Jon. Even the most logical minded person in the world is influenced by their feelings—about important issues, about other people. You’d be surprised at how much of our decision making is rooted in emotion; either how we anticipate the outcome of our decision will make us feel, or how we are feeling in the immediate moment of the choice.”

A spasm of something that might be grief or pain flashes across Jon’s face, and he leans unconsciously in Martin’s direction. Martin’s arm instantly goes around him, offering comfort without thought. It’s clear that these two love each other deeply, unquestioningly—and that’s also part of the problem. When someone you love thinks that you’re wrong about something that’s important to you, it can feel like a rejection of your entire self.

“I’d like to pause this discussion for now, and try a little exercise,” she says. Jon nods, sitting back up and disengaging from Martin’s embrace; Martin looks attentively at her, though his expression is unsure.

“One of the biggest challenges we face with people we love is recognizing that they are separate from us. I know—” she says, raising her hands to stop the objections she can already see forming on their lips. “Of course you know that you’re separate people. We all know that, rationally. But emotionally, it’s natural to see the people you’re close to as extensions of yourself—it’s an evolutionary impulse to aid group bonding. It happens with friends and family, and it’s an even stronger impulse between partners.

“We have to do a lot of work to truly internalize the idea that the people we love have their own inner emotional lives that drive their opinions and decisions. But once you are able to fully grasp that truth, it makes disagreeing with the person you love feel less emotionally fraught; it’s a powerful tool for navigating conflict constructively.”

Jon is frowning, but it’s in consideration rather than disapproval. Martin still looks skeptical, his body language defensive, though he doesn’t say anything. That’s probably the best she’s going to get for now, Judith thinks.

“So,” she says. “The exercise is this: I’d like each of you to take a few moments to think, and then tell the other person something about yourself. Not a fact, but something that you feel. And I would like you to listen without interrupting when your partner tells you their feeling. Can you each do that?”

“I, ah—” Jon’s frown deepens. “That’s...rather difficult to do on demand.”

“I know,” says Judith with sympathy. “That’s why I’m here, to support you both in doing the difficult things. If it was easy, you wouldn’t need a therapist to facilitate.”

“Right,” says Jon. “Okay.”

“Martin?”

“Fine,” he says, but his tone is reluctant. Judith gets it; vulnerability is hard enough in front of someone you love, never mind with a stranger in the room. It’s easier to pretend that it’s pointless, that you’re not really putting yourself out there to be hurt. She has the feeling that Martin is someone who would rather avoid being hurt, even if it means closing himself off.

“All right,” she says. “When you’re ready, Jon, would you mind going first? No rush, take all the time you need.” Hopefully, seeing Jon take the first step might help Martin get over some of his defensiveness.

“Oh,” he says, and for a few moments his expression devolves into one of intense concentration. Then he nods, turning towards Martin.

“Start with “I feel”,” Judith suggests.

“All right,” he says, breathless with nerves. “I, uh, I feel...responsible. For—well, for everything, basically. And for everyone. Bad things have happened to people, and it’s my fault, because I should have done something. Everything that happened, back there, it was all because of me.”

“It wasn’t you, Jon!” Martin protests. “Annabelle told us—”

Judith is about to remind him that he’s supposed to just be listening, but he cuts himself off first. Jon laughs, an ugly sound that’s more like a sob.

“And how is that supposed to help? Knowing that the—that they were using me my whole life, how does that absolve me of any responsibility for what I did? For the fact that I failed to do anything to stop them? I couldn’t even go through with the one thing that could have actually meant something, because—”

He clamps his mouth shut, his jaw locked tight; Martin looks down at his hands, his expression distraught.

“Because of me.”

“Martin—” Jon’s tone is wounded, and he reaches for Martin’s hand. Judith sees reflections of a shared pain in both their faces, though she doesn’t understand why; this would be a lot easier if they’d just tell her the truth.

But you didn’t get into this profession because it was easy, did you?

“Thank you for sharing that, Jon. I think there’s a lot more for us to explore there, but let’s give you a break and give Martin a chance to share, okay?”

Jon nods, clutching Martin’s hand in his. Martin gives a long, slow exhale.

“Righto,” he says with false, brittle cheer. “”I feel,” wasn’t it? Right. Jon, when you do something stupidly self-sacrificing for other people, I feel like everyone else is more important than me.”

Jon flinches.

“Martin,” Judith says, keeping her tone level. “Let’s keep the focus on what you feel, not on what causes you to feel that way, okay?”

“Right,” Martin mutters, and glances at Jon. “Okay. In that case, I feel...like I’m not important. Like the only thing I can really do is—is take care of you. And if I can’t even do that, then what bloody use am I? That’s it, I suppose.”

“Martin…” Jon says again, softly. His eyes are wet, and he’s clinging to Martin’s hand like a drowning man to a plank. Martin swallows hard and shakes his head, but he makes no move to extract his hand from Jon’s grip.

“Thank you, Martin,” Judith tells him. “I know that wasn’t easy to share, for either of you. But this is the kind of honesty that we need, in order to build strong communication. Let’s all take five minutes—if either of you want to take a bathroom break, or get some water—and then we can talk about where to go from here. All right?”

Martin disappears to the loo, while Jon wanders around the office, looking with polite interest at the shelves of books and ornaments. Judith writes a few notes for herself, to follow up in future sessions. She hopes there’ll be future sessions. Both of these men seem deeply hurt, traumatized by events that they’re just barely alluding to, and have clearly been struggling through as best they can with less than ideal coping mechanisms, trying—and likely failing—not to hurt each other in the process. They both need individual counselling as much as couples’ therapy—maybe more. She’s certainly going to recommend it..

They clearly love each other, though. And they want to make it work. If they’re willing to put the effort in, they have better than even odds in their favor.

Martin’s eyes are red-rimmed when he returns; he sits on the sofa as near as he can to Jon, who presses their shoulders together. Judith can’t help smiling at the sight.

“How long have the two of you been together?” she asks. She always asks new clients at the end of the first session, rather than at the beginning; that way she can get a feel for the relationship without preconceptions based on longevity. The two of them look at each other properly, for the first time since Martin came back in, and matching, sheepish smiles break out on both their faces after a moment.

“So it was three weeks in Scotland,” Martin begins, ticking it off on his fingers. “And then—how long?”

“Uhh, it’s...let’s say half a year, give or take?” Jon makes a face that says he’s really not all that sure.

“Right, and then we’ve been here nearly six months. So...about a year, all in all?”

“But we knew each other for over three years before that,” Jon insists earnestly.

“It sounds as if the two of you have been through a lot,” says Judith. “And not all of it gardening related?”

“No,” Jon says with a self-deprecating chuckle. “Mostly not.”

“We barely scratched the surface today—and that’s normal. Relationships are complicated, and it takes a lot of time and hard work to build understanding and communication. But I promise you, it is worth all the effort. You both made a really strong start today—it takes courage to be that honest, even with your partner.”

The two of them give each other a long look, and the smile they trade is tentative, but genuine. They haven’t solved anything today, have only just begun to reveal their hurt and their insecurities; they have a long journey ahead to get to a truly honest, healthy place both for themselves and their relationship. Judith has a feeling they’ll persevere, though—that losing each other simply isn’t an option.

“So,” she says, “Should we make this a recurring appointment?”

Jon glances questioningly at Martin, who bites his lip and then nods firmly, taking Jon’s hand in his.

“Yeah,” Martin says. “We’ve done much harder things. We can do this.”

“Together?” says Jon, and Martin smiles.

“No matter what.”

[the-poly-armory]

PolyA Exchange 2022 Masterlist

Thank you to everyone who took part in this year’s PolyA Exchange! We have 18 fantastic works for you to enjoy to fill that Clint/Nat/Bucky shaped hole in your heart. Enjoy!!

so the sky may be the sky by CloudAtlas​ for Caitriona_3 ​[ T, no warnings, 4404 words, Modern with Magic AU ] It’s just an abandoned construction site down by the railway tracks. There’s nothing special about it, not really, but Natasha finds herself there intermittently throughout the week, drawn as if by invisible hands.

secret instincts of hearts by Lacerta for buckyismybicycle [ T, no warnings, 6128 words, Werewolf AU ] Clint has already stayed at Bucky and Nat’s twice. He’s already broken his habit of ever changing places; one more visit won’t hurt. At least, it won’t hurt Bucky or Nat. Clint can suck it up and deal with his pining and a broken heart like a fucking adult.

Just this one last visit, then he’ll back away. Just this one last time.

Sine Language by buckyismybicycle for st3llarkid [ E, chose not to warn, 5006 words, Teachers AU ] Clint has a brand new job at Westview Collegiate & Institute, and everything's fine, except: why does it feel like the most attractive couple he's ever seen are coming onto him? Wait a minute -

Heron’s Formula by slythatheart for TheOnlyCeeCeeJ [ M, no warnings, 6558 words, High School AU ] Clint had never really thought about dating both Bucky and Natasha at the same time, except for in his wildest fantasies where things like reality didn't matter, but suddenly it was the only thing he could think about.

Sins Hidden Under the Permafrost by enknifepointe for Reagy_Jay [ E, no warnings, 5136 words, canon divergent] Everything seemed neat and simple. However, in the midst of a failing marriage, covering up a neighbor’s murder that they didn’t commit, and then harboring a fugitive who is wanted for said murder? That all tends to turn everything on its head. An Alaska-set AU, but with plot spice

Extraterrestrial Allergens by Call_Me_Kayyyyy for Harishe [ M, chose not to warn, 365 words plus art ] Bucky has a bad feeling about these Alien trees giving off clouds of pollen.

Bullfinch by Ketita for geckoholic [ T, no warnings, 5458 words, canon divergent ] Among bad decisions Clint has made in his life, joining HYDRA is definitely up there. Well, he didn’t join HYDRA, it was a mistake. A series of mistakes that snowballed until he’s basically goose-stepping with no way out. But everything changes now. Clint’s going to do one good thing in his life, and that’s bringing down the Winter Soldier.

Jump (Don’t Ask How High) by YesDanger for Ketita [ M, graphic descriptions of violence, 7776 words, canon divergent ] When an undercover mission to a HYDRA base goes wrong, Clint has to make a choice to either trigger his lover and set his recovery back or to let Brock Rumlow do the same.Nobody is particularly happy with the outcome.

A different kind of shell game by Alistra for Lacerta [ G, no warnings, 1860 words, canon divergent with shapeshifters ] Secret shapeshifter Natasha pretending to be Bucky, running into the guy they both fancy? What could possibly go wrong?

Boys Just Wanna Have Fun by Harishe for Huntress79 [ M, no warnings, art, Stripper AU ] Fanart of Clint, Bucky, and Natasha at a strip club.

on hallowed ground by geckoholic for CloudAtlas [ M, no warnings, 1639 words, sex work ] Natasha tugs at his sleeve. She takes a moment out of her networking to give him a concerned look.

Clint shrugs his shoulder, tries to sound nonchalant. “Saw a client.”

Three’s Company by spinachgarden for enknifepointe [ M, no warnings, 1240 words, canon divergent ] Bucky is happy for Natasha and Clint, really, he is. It's just that sometimes he wishes he could be with them - both of them. There's no way he could ever have that, right?

Unexpected Alliance by TheOnlyCeeCeeJ for endlesswanted [ G, no warnings, 2284 words, canon divergent ] Bucky's observant nature leads to a new friendship, a new mission, and a lot more.

When Night Comes by Caitriona_3 for spinachgarden [ T, no warnings, 4842 words, Vampire AU ] When night comes, the true elite of the city become active... and the Prince of Brooklyn isn't happy with what he's found.

The Archer, The Wolf and The Fox by Reagy_Jay for Alistra [ G, no warnings, 1908 words plus art, canon divergent ] With Natasha and Bucky being away on a mission, Clint decided to have some alone time. That is until he gets a phone call from Steve. Now he has to look after a wolf with a metal arm and a fox with piercing eyes. 

Yeah, Clint really hates magic.

Midnight at El Berlin by endlesswanted for slythatheart [ T, no warnings, 8633 words, Music AU ] Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff have known each other since they entered Strike Music Academia at the age of ten. This of course doesn't mean they have been friends since then, and especially not now that they can get out of ot with a job offer and never see each other again.

Spies in Disguise by Huntress79 for YesDanger [ M, no warnings, 4574 words, canon divergent ] Natasha Romanov, newly-minted agent of SHIELD, has a job to do. James “Bucky” Barnes, her former lover and partner now working for SHIELD as well, has too. What both don’t count in is that running into Clint “The Amazing Hawkeye” Barton might derail not only their work, but their personal life as well…

The Coffee Shop Downstairs by st3llarkid for Call_Me_Kayyyyy [ E, no warnings, 6865 words, Coffee Shop AU ] Just three lovers living life, getting closer, and the coffee shop on the ground level. Good vibes and warm fuzzies!

[an-angel-in-the-garden]

hi hi~ it is I your friendly neighborhood vulture here to pick ur lovely brain ~

Ok ok so imagine slashers ( michael (ur choice of version) , asa , Billy and stu (poly) and Jesse) coming home after a long day just to tired to deal and either seeking out or allowing their s/o to comfort them ~ whether just headcanons or head cannons and ficlet I'll let u decide~

Hello my darling birdie!!! I'm so happy to see you here! Welcome to my garden hope you stay awhile just try not to pull to many flowers this time kay ^v^ And as my best vulture I did both! CW: Blood, murder in passing ,obsessives behavior ,Just the normal slasher stuff and slight NSFW, OOC slashers and Not beta read or edited

Michael the RZ version

It's been a long day first having to go shopping for the week then cleaning to get rid of all the stains still left behind meant you were tired it seemed however you weren't the only busy one. Michael had be gone since early morning a pat on the head was all you gotten before he headed out and now slightly past 1 he was back. The echo of his boot steps were purposeful as he shut the door the cling of his knife hitting the counter ever more audible before the creek of the stairs let you know what the "plan" was. It doesn't take long for him to reach the bedroom and unlike most nights where the two of you would lay down and enjoy bliss each others comfort this time it was clear another approach would have to be taken. Michael now stood at the doorway mask dyed red and breathing heavy, whatever happen was not the outcome he wanted so with slow careful steps you began step one.

Michael no matter what is not one to seek comfort or affection it is something you have to be will to initiate willing and be willing to go slow with

Bathing is a good way to make him feel relaxed and if he tired or having a bad day its what he want and its one of the few times he's quick to remove him make you touching his hair makes him very happy

After a nice bath he wants but wont say he wants cuddle's and the start of step two

Sit on his lap and just let him hold you in a soft voice talk about you day or plans for the week or just things you enjoy its a bit of domestic life that makes him warm

turn a movie on and stay close run you hands through his hair and just exists with him for a while now for the best part

Once he's calmed down two things could happen one is that he'll pull you both down to the bed curled up with you in his arms and the sound of a movie still playing in the background letting himself fully relax

Option two is less common but more enjoyable Michael will move both you and him to the table in the room covered in his craft supplies where hell being working on his paper mache mask, asking you for input or wanting you to join if you fall asleep that's fine he's more the content just having you there

Stu Matcher and Billy Loomis

Its not hard to tell when one of them is having a hard day. After a long day of classes and keeping up with everyone Billy was exhausted had told but you and Stu as much more then one and Stu wasn't much better it seemed. Any plans that had been made were canceled as you told your boys it would be a good day for a date in, some cheesy slasher flicks tons of snacks and ordering food was the new plan. Telling everyone good bye then heading back to your place the the boys are quick to make themselves at home Stu starts by ordering dinner for the three of you Billy picks out a few movies and you head to the kitchen to make the snacks. It about an hour before everything is fully ready and with the date night begins with Stu being the first to say he needs some affection after the long day. Though he doesn't say anything at first Billy is fast to act on said affection once its shown leaning over to ask for some love as well.

Its kinda hard to give them comfort together since they both need different things at first but give it some time and it tends to end with a cuddle pile

Stu prefers holding one to waist head on in your neck or on your tummy nuzzling and kiss you having you give him head pats and forehead kisses while also rubbing his back

Billy likes having you on his lap your back to his chest his head resting on yours or on your shoulder hand locked together around your waist just holding you

If they're both in need of affection and comfort its a mix of both with Stu's head on your stomach and Billy's on your shoulder Billy's holding one hand and his other is on you hip Stu is doing the same on the opposite side

Billy feeds you snacks you feed Stu and Stu throw snacks at Billy and changes the movie when needed

Cuddles last for a long time often time it end with you three falling asleep with you in the middle of the two of them

Its not hard to know when they need comfort along with the fact that Stu is open about needing it and Billy will follow his lead when he sees you dont mind

Jesse Cromeans

Jesses always enjoys having your attention even if its for something small however, when he's in need of comfort he prefers you not being around him not because he worried about things but because he's bad at asking for it so he tends to just lock him self up in work. With that its very easy to tell when he's have a bad day its getting close to him that's hard. It starts like any relaxing day a nice warm meal whether you make it yourself for him or order something he likes its a way for you to get close. Tried and angry from a day of work the only thing on Jesse's mind is getting home what he wasn't expecting was to come home to you having gotten the places cleaned up with a meal laid out in the living ready to spend time with him and well he just couldn't say no to that. Its not hard after that to get him to set work aside till tomorrow as long as its not super important and from there the rest of the night can begin.

Jesse really enjoys slow intimacy and when his days been bad and he needs to let go having you take the lead in a nice slow pace helps him let go of the chromeskull mindset whether you know about it or not

He likes to snuggle wrapped almost fully around you with you as close as possible

Kisses are a must they make him so happy many people find him scary with go reason but here you are the love of his giving him kisses as if this is a perfectly normal relationship

Like with Michael two things can happen after he relaxes and gets your affection and comfort however its based on how your feeling not him

If you keep with the soft lead it ends with you curled against his side feeding each other fresh fruit and chocolate watching movies and shows while he talks about dates he's hoping to take you on

The other option is that you head to the bedroom hell pull you on his chest arms wrapped around you hearing you talk about this and that while just ignoring the world till he falls asleep

The next day Jesse will take off work after days of needing to seek your comfort it make him acknowledge he needs a break to not burn out or not to move to fast in the work and the day will be spent with you by his side

Asa Emory

Asa has always gone by a schedule and unless it is absolutely necessary he will not deviate from it and that includes for affection and goes double for if you want to give him comfort on exhausting days. He doesn't like feeling weak and though he loves you in a twisted way you thinking he needs comfort makes him feel weak. For weeks Asa will come home tired and frustrated his class is in the mist of exams so he has tons of work and the collection isn't going well but he wont let you in on it. The best you can do for the time being is just lightly his work load at home keep things clean, make meals for him so he doesn't skip them if the dogs are at the house help take care of them and things like that its not much but he pays attention to things like that and will notice that your helping him. Seeing you working hard to help him not stress as much while still waiting for him to take the steps like usual helps him come around to the idea of letting you spoil him for a while. Once he gets to that point remember to keep things slow though rushing it after that makes him stay on edge.

For Asa slow and steady is the way to go when he's ready to let you spoil him he will tell you outright that he "requires" your attention

He wont let this happen on a weekday only a weekend where he can fully relax and rest but he leaves the rest to you and that's a big step

Setting up a nice date in is the best way to go and though he likes homemade meals on a day like this he doesn't mind ordering dinner that night

On days he can relax with you the first thing he wants to do is cook for you as odd as it might be it gives him a starting point to let you show him affection

Eating breakfast together then heading to the living room with curled up on the couch you read to him for a bit him might interject sometimes depending on what its about but he just holds you close for a while

Tacking the dogs for a walk is the next part of the day hand in hand taking a walking path and enjoy the day whether its cold or hot he likes walking time

Domestic bliss is something he adores its what he's always craved and you give him the chance to have it so often it keeps him on cloud nine

After going back home out on a documentary and snuggle up to him the dogs will be on beds near the couch and hell have you laying you head on his lap while he runs his hand along you neck and back

You'll eat later in the day and enjoy quite time he might want to rant about his class, he wants to hear about the things you've been into lately and slowly the night winds down

Given that he has no work the next day if your feeling up to it he want to end the day by embracing you its been a while and its not something he up for much but after weeks of not being around you much he craves the close touch

It might not even end with sex he just want to caress your body looking over the curves and lines feeling you fully without restrictions till your both tired and with that he pulls you close to him whispering that he's grateful for you love and thanking you for the wonderful day

Ta-da! I hope all enjoy this and a big thanks to my best birdie buddy for requesting this I had fun writing it and I hope to see here more often! To my other followers if your looking forward to the next part of My Soulmates A God then be happy its the next thing I'm working on. Have a great day and thank you for reading! - Lilly Ps you can really tell I favored Asa here huh..

[softcallofdutyimagines]

any safehouse crew x bell!reader headcanons? can be fluffy or angsty, whichever you prefer to write 🥺 i adore your work!

Aw, thank you!! Yeah, I'd love to share to some headcannons! These are sort of a mixed bag regarding fluff/angst, but I think they're mostly nicey-nicey :)

Sorry for your wait, but I hope you enjoy 💖

Adler

His relationship with you is such a tangled mess

He shouldn't even be doing this, not after all he's done to you and is still doing, but...

He just can't help but fall for you

Your memories of being with him during the war may be fake, but to you they're all too real

You know him better then anyone else, maybe even more then Sims

This whole thing started because you wanted to get to know him, to fill in the gaps and to continue growing the bond that only exists in your mind

Every day he struggles with the knowledge that what he's doing is wrong, along with the constant badgering about it from Hudson, Sims, and Park

But he's never felt this close, let alone wanted, by someone in his entire life

There'll come a day when the lid blows right off all this and explodes in his face for sure

Just... Not yet, he hopes

Hudson

If there's one person here who should not be getting involved with you... It's him

Adler and Park may be your handlers, but he's the one overseeing the entire operation

You wouldn't even be here if he hadn't passed down the orders from the higher ups

If there's nothing else you take away from this, he would have you know that there is much, much more at risk here then his mere job if he was found messing around with you

Hudson tried everything to resist you

You and your charming voice

You and your beguiling looks

You and your kindness and patient soul

His will was strong, but the flesh is oh so weak

No one has ever treated him like you do

Just an ounce of respect and a surprising, never ending stream of kindness...

What else is a lonely man to do?

Adler and Park know nothing, this is a term you both agreed on

And they never will, because as soon as your work here is done...

He will stop at nothing to keep you safe

Lazar

He knows, he knows...

He should be doing this

But damn it if you aren't just so... Loveable

Lazar has a big heart that just bursting at the seams with love to give

You'd think such a friendly fellow would be popular in the dating pools, but...

It would seem not so

He'll be honest, he was going to make moves towards Park...

Mostly because, between the two of you, she wasn't strictly off limits

But you were his first choice

And when Helen shut him down, well...

Why not at least try?

He never expected you to actually take to him

He deals with constant reprimands, but he dismisses them every time

No one knows what it's like to be so full of love and have no one to give it too

And now that he has you...

He'll be damned if anyone tries to take you away from him

Mason

Geez... All Mason wants is a stable relationship with someone who loves him and has the grit to see past his flaws

He's been taking his meds and seeing his psych, but the numbers and mind jacking still bother him

In fact, they very well might for the rest of his life

He feels so broken

So unlovable and far too damaged to even be an option for anyone else out there

So... Why are you so interested in him?

At first he brushes it off as a star struck kid, and maybe, at first it was, but then...

Things start to get serious

He meet up with you after work hours

You both get to talking and relating to one another through your memories of warfare and the current mission

You tell him you've seen plenty of things just as crazy as what's going on with him, and people that are twice that bad

He doesn't scare you, not one bit

Acceptance is all he's ever wanted, and to have found it in you feels better then anything he ever could've dreamed of

He falls for you so hard, he rarely let's you out of his sight and tries to get on as many of your missions as possible

Park

This whole op is a well oiled machine and she's the one driving it

Hudson and Adler may act like they're in charge, but they'd be nothing without her helping to hold them and you in line

She's a woman of rules, decorum, and conduct

There's a way to do things and a way not to, simple as that

And yet for all that, she still cannot understand how she's fallen in with you

She should be holding you at arms length at best, and yet here she is stealing kisses and playing with your hair when no one is looking

Maybe she's too much of a sucker for a good forbidden romance story

Or maybe there's always been something in you that's spoken to her from the beginning

A certain way you carry and conduct yourself

So brave and strong...

The kind of person she aspires to be, deep down...

Soon she starts saying things like "what's the worst that could happen" and "no one has to know"

And before long, she knows she could never let you go

When this mission is over, she swears to set you free from the mental prison and living hell she helped put you in, no matter the outcome for your relationship

She loves you too much to see you suffer

Sims

He has the exact same problem as Adler

You know him too damn well

Except... You don't really know him at all, huh?

It takes him so long to wrap his mind around that one...

But the more and more you keep coming to him, asking about things like 'Nam and his time in the war...

The more and more that line becomes muddled

How much have you been programmed to know, and how much did you learn naturally, just from getting to know him?

It's hard being a Vietnam vet you know...

Everyone blames you for the loss of the war, and no one wants much to do with a soldier in general, he guesses

Too much of a headache when you could just get a nice, normal person, right?

But old Vietnam vets get lonely too you know...

So you know what? Who gives a damn

This whole thing with you and mk ultra was screwed from the start, and who knows where the end will take you

If nothing else, if not even for his own benefit, he may as well give you the respect enough to enjoy a little fling

He treats it seriously. Very seriously.

He even grows to truly love you

Maybe that's why he's so scared for you

Woods

Here's a man who'd go his whole life proclaiming he'll never settle down and had no interest in doing so

He's a lone wolf, a life long solider, and far too fucked up for a stable relationship anyhow

At least... That's what he'll say

The truth is he yearns for what Mason and Hudson have

A happy little family and cozy home to protect and care for

He wants to feel needed, wanted even

And he'll never get that from long hours at the practice range and lonely weekend nights spent in his living room

He takes the same approach as Mason would at first

He brushes you off as a starry eyed fan and nothing more

But you know... He's never had anyone care enough to be a "fan" before

Alex laughs at him and keeps saying he's letting his ego get to his head, but what the fuck does he know?

He's got all that shit with the numbers and reznov stuck in his head, and yet he still has someone to go home to each night

So he does it, he gets involved with you

And it's the best damn feeling in the whole world

He loves you relentlessly and soon finds he can't bear to be away from you for too long

Mason will never let him life it down, but you know what?

He's just fine with that

[itsme-basil]

Blackmail - read on ao3

Tags: steo, dub-con, biting, blood, knotting, mating

Tagging: @therogueheart

"I know what happened to Donovan," Theo had said. "I know everything."

Stiles had denied it, too shocked to come up with anything more elaborate than: "You don't know anything."

But Theo had known everything. He'd seen Stiles climb up the scaffolding, heard Donovan's threats to eat his legs. He saw the scaffolding fall. Stiles pinned him to the chain link fence, gripping his clothes in hands that trembled as he tried to catch his breath. Beside them both, blood was beginning to pool from the body. 

"What do you want," Stiles sneered, so much like a 'wolf. His upper lip pulled back to show dull teeth. Theo let him shove him around, the smug look never leaving his face. 

"I want in the pack," Theo said. Stiles scoffed, pulling his hands away from Theo after a final shove into the fence. The metal rattled loudly in his ears as he took a step back. 

"That's not going to happen," Stiles remarked coldly. He didn't trust Theo. Hadn't since he walked his stupid face into Beacon Hills. Something was off about him, and Stiles was the only one who could see it. 

"Not without you," Theo agreed, taking a step away from the fence. Stiles didn't step back, even though he wanted to. He didn't want the proximity. 

"You're going to get me into the pack," Theo told him, with all the confidence of a man who already knew he'd won. It made Stiles want to hit him. "Or I'm going to tell everyone what you did."

Stiles felt himself freeze at that. His mind raced with every outcome. Theo would manipulate the story. He'd make Stiles the bad guy. 

"They won't believe you," Stiles managed, though it didn't sound as confident as he'd hoped. Theo tilted his head patronizingly. 

"No?" He asked. "There might not be a body, but we all know it's not going to take much to convince the pack you've gone bloodthirsty. It's not the first time it's happened."

The nogitsune flashed across Stiles' mind's eye in rapid succession, his friends' distance since Stiles had woken up possession free. 

Scott and his relationship was rocky at best at the moment, and dealing with the chimeras wasn't helping. Fighting about Theo wasn't helping. And Stiles was right about him. He was always right about him and Scott refused to see it. Stiles knew. He knew that if They got to Scott first, the true alpha would believe him over Stiles. 

"Do you really think Scotts gonna let that slide, Stiles?" Theo continued. 

"It was self defense," Stiles said, throat tight. It was the only argument he had, and it was shoddy. They both knew it. Theo smirked. He was three inches shorter than Stiles, but Stiles had never felt smaller in his life than in that moment. 

"And once word got out, what's gonna happen to your dad?" Theo asked. "Can you even count how many times you put your father's job on the line?"

Stiles felt his heart sink to his gut. 

"No one would ever want a sheriff who's son murdered a student in cold blood. He wouldn't be able to find work as a security guard at the mall if anyone ever found out about what you did."

Stiles licked at his lips, struggling to come up with anything he could use as leverage, but he couldn't. 

"You'll be packless," Theo sneered, stepping closer. "Your best friend will hate you, your dad will be unemployed, and let's face it, Stiles, you're way too pretty for prison."

Stiles pulled his arm back and swung when Theo got close enough. Theo reared his head back and reached for Stiles, fisting Stiles' hoodie and yanking him forward. Stiles staggered, not able to keep his feet under him. Theo had him pressed against the fence in seconds, a growl in his chest. His eyes flashed gold. 

"It's your choice," Theo snapped, teeth a little sharper than they were a second ago. Stiles held onto Theo's shirt, trying to get his feet back under him, but Theo didn't budge. 

"What do you want," Stiles conceded. He couldn't let Theo tell anyone about what happened. Not his dad, or Scott. He didn't trust them not to react badly, not to believe Theo. He had to take care of this on his own. 

Theo's sneer turned into a smirk, his grip on Stiles loosening. "The only way to ensure my place in the pack is to be mated to the left hand," Theo said. 

Stiles knew all about werewolf mating. He knew what it meant, and he also knew he'd rather die than be mated to Theo. But that wasn't an option. Because Theo would tell his dad and Scott what he'd done. 

Stiles didn't say anything. He couldn't. Agreeing would mean he agreed with mating, but turning away would mean so much worse. 

But Stiles didn't need to say anything. Not with the way Theo's smirk widened slowly, victory glinting in his too sharp teeth. 

There was no ceremony like a normal mating had. Stiles was shoved over the thrumming air conditioner and his pants were yanked down with little care. Theo held his wrists between his shoulder blades with one hand. Stiles couldn't fight back. 

"You made the right choice, Stiles," Theo said from behind. Stiles could hear his zipper being yanked down. The gravel crunched under their shoes. 

"Fuck you," Stiles seethed, his cheek pressed against the cold metal. 

Theo didn't respond. He spat on Stiles, a thick glob of saliva landing just above Stiles' asshole. He spat again, and Stiles could only assume it was in his hand. Stiles yanked at his arms, but the iron grip Theo had on his wrists were too strong. 

He felt the full head of Theo's cock against his asshole and tried to kick out. Theo pinned him further with his own legs, making it impossible for Stiles to do anything as he sank into him. 

Stiles yelped and thrashed at the stretch. Unprepared and nearly dry, even with spit as lube. It hurt, and Theo kept going. He shoved in until Stiles' ass was flush against Theo's hips. 

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this," Theo chuckled, pulling nearly completely out before slamming back home. It set off a brutal rhythm, and Stiles was helpless against it. He found no purchase, he couldn't get used to it. The pleasure never came and Stiles bit his lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from crying. 

"Look at you," Theo continued. "The boy who runs with wolves, who survived a nogitsune, bent over and powerless. All mine to use and control."

Stiles growled as best he knew how, struggling against the werewolf behind him. His ass burned, his insides stretched. He was sure he was bleeding, and the edge of the air conditioner bit into his hips with every thrust. He couldn't catch a breath, and all the whole, he could stop thinking about what would happen if Theo ever told anybody. 

So he pinched his eyes shut and he took it, because the alternative would kill him. 

Theo let go of his wrists and grabbed his hair, yanking his head back until Stiles was forced to lift his chest off the air conditioner. His arms shook with the effort, his head pulled back so far he couldn't close his mouth. 

He panted into the night air as Theo pistoned his hips, uncaring of the pain he caused. His breath was hot against the side of Stiles' neck. He tried to push the werewolf back, but he couldn't hold himself up with one hand, his body trembling with the effort, the position Theo forced him into. 

"You're mine, Stiles," Theo growled low into his ear. "I knew you'd be a challenge from the start. Without you, I'd never be able to get close to Scott."

Stiles choked on a pain filled sob as teeth bit into his skin, slowly adding pressure until finally, the skin burst and blood flowed. Stiles' vision went white with pain and something else. A bond. 

Theo pressed Stiles further into the air conditioner, jaw locked around his neck as he rammed into him, the base of his cock expanding until Theo couldn't pull out. 

Stiles' arms buckled and Theo wrapped his arms around him, holding him up. Blood soaked into Stiles' shirt and hoodie, his body stretched tight around the knot in his ass, and his mind clouding. 

Theo pulled them away from the air conditioner, releasing his neck and licking at the wound. Stiles could do nothing against it, his head lolling to the side, chest heaving. Was he hard? He could feel Theo cumming inside him still, it all locked away behind his knot. 

Theo smirked against his neck, continuing to lap up the blood that oozed lazily from the mark. The book Stiles had read had mentioned the effects of the bonding bite, but he hadn't believed it. An over exaggeration at least. But it wasn't. 

Theo wrapped his hand around Stiles' cock and stripped him until he came against the gravel at their feet. He was limp and powerless against Theo as the bond took hold, his mind unpleasantly blank. 

"There," Theo murmured, voice strained in the throes of his long orgasm. "All mine."

Stiles found himself nodding, allowing Theo to take all his weight. He knew he should be worried about something more important than how much cum Theo had left in his sack, and how much Stiles could hold, but whatever it was wasn't coming to him. The bond dang through every part of him, too bright for him to focus on anything else. But he'd figure it out once they seperated, he was sure of it. 

The idea of ever separating from Theo made him whimper. Theo shushed him with a kiss to the bite mark on his neck. 

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

I feel like you've given most spn related things some lil spice but I always love the spice on this : hot spicy take on the "Dean is the most horrible character and ruins everyone's life and Sam and Cas are poor little meow meows who only do bad things sometimes because tyran Dean farted in their direction" takes that are not really only said by anti-Dean peeps ? Obsessed with that incredible thesis and would love the added spice ❤

SPICY HOT HOT GHOST PEPPERS CAROLINA REAPERS HELP I'M BURNING

I really try to respect other people’s opinions, and I believe there are a wealth of ways to interpret a story, and I think that’s a deeply beautiful thing. This applies to interpretations I don't agree with and outright dislike as well. That said, some opinions are simply and objectively bad, dishonest, and/or demonstrably false, and I truly do not believe you can sit down and honestly watch through the show with an open mind about all the characters, truly pay attention to what they do, say, and believe, and come to the conclusion that this show is about an evil manipulative abusive man terrorizing his pure and sinless brother and friend. It is an interpretation built from cherry picking facts to suit an ugly, miserable theory, making Mount Everest out of a bunch of the tiny mole hills, making the worst possible presumptions of feelings and intentions, and holding characters to completely different standards in order to neatly divide them into "abused" and "abuser" in a way that, frankly, fetishizes the abused person. I despise this interpretation of the story with every fiber of my being, and I have absolutely no respect for the opinion of anyone who peddles it, regardless of who they cast as villain/victim (because people have also done this with the others—it’s just more “popular” to do it with Dean... I mean... does anyone else remember how people were shitting on Sam after his emotional reaction in 14.12? Calling him an evil abuser? Because I do).

The thing that always gets me about this take isn't just how dishonest, unfair, mean-spirited, and compassionless it is in its treatment of Dean’s feelings, circumstances, and intentions... but how deeply reductive and offensive it is toward Sam and Castiel, sucking away their identities to turn them into effigies to mourn for their sad, Stockholm syndrome-esque attachment to their "abuser". Further, it grips the heart of the show—the relationship between Sam and Dean, and then the relationship among TFW as a whole—in a tight, uncompromising fist and pulverizes it. It literally rips out the heart of the show (the RELATIONSHIPS) and replaces it with something unprepossessing of any merit: A miserable, 15 years long story about a malicious abuser getting away with terrorizing those closest to him for his entire life, while his poor abuse victims suffer through until they die for him/happy to be reunited with him because they “don’t know any better” and never ever learned better, I guess. What a stupid, sad sack of a story.

Castiel is a thousands of years old celestial being who has literally beaten Dean into the pavement under no form of mind control, and has shown over and over again that he will do whatever the hell he wants, regardless of whatever Dean thinks about being sidelined. If he thinks whatever he is doing is in Dean's best interest, he literally does not care how Dean feels about it. He will nod and smile and then fly off and swallow thousands of souls with Dean begging him not to, shove Dean out of the way to attack the big bad, leave Dean alone in Purgatory, refuse to come out of Purgatory so he can self-flagellate, fly off with the angel tablet, help Sam with the Book of the Damned, let Lucifer possess him without anyone's knowledge or agreement, come into Dean's room under the guise of apologizing for ghosting him so that he can steal The Colt out from under his pillow and murder someone, decide not to murder that person and still prevent Sam and Dean from helping by knocking them both unconscious, get himself killed, make a deal to trade his life for Jack's and never tell anyone, hide information and worries and ignore phone calls, ghost Sam and Dean, and bicker and fight with Dean as if they are a married couple. Love sickness and feelings of worthlessness (which Cas has a wealth of reasons to feel—many of which aren’t even related to Dean but to his heavenly family) are reinterpreted as the result of some sort of constant, terrorizing emotional abuse. Power and authority that Dean does not actually have is forced into his hands by these fans. Maybe listen when Cas says, “Hey—not everything is your fault.” Maybe listen when he says “I loved the whole world because of you”, calls Dean a role model, says he enjoys their conversations, offers to die with him and dies for him multiple times. Maybe treat these feelings as genuine and valid and HIS and not as the delusions of some poor manipulated baby. 

Sam is framed this way even more often than Cas, and it's a damn shame, because what I typically see is this: Sam’s development into a mediator and peacemaker is twisted and reinterpreted as coming from a place of weakness and/or fear. Rationality, maturity, wisdom, and compassion are not the traits of a scared, powerless child. They are the traits of a mature adult, who has been beaten down by life, and fought and raged against his circumstances, and somehow come out of it with more kindness and understanding and strength instead of less. He has made his own decisions whenever it was possible, within the set of circumstances doled out to him. From telling his dad to go fuck himself and going to college, to getting back into hunting to avenge Jess (NOT because of Dean—Dean took him home without complaint at the end of the woman in white case), to continuing to hunt after their father died because he wanted to feel close to him (Dean was actually weirded out and sort of disgusted by this), raging and fighting to save Dean from his deal against Dean’s wishes, continuing to hunt and working with Ruby (directly against Dean’s dying wish), drinking demon blood, jumping in the cage, leaving hunting to go be with Amelia, coming back to hunting to save Kevin, fighting with Dean over what he had with Amelia and threatening to leave if Dean didn't shut his mouth, leaving Amelia to go back to hunting (Dean ultimately suggests he go back to her—Sam chooses to stay), trying to kill Benny, demanding to be the one to do The Trials and saying he is going to SURVIVE them—that being the ENTIRE POINT, losing that resolve in a fit of depression but choosing to drop the knife, demanding space from Dean (and being given it), fighting to save Demon Dean who didn’t want to be found or saved, using the Book of the Damned against Dean’s wishes, telling Charlie that this is what he wants—that he used to want normal but now all he wants is to hunt with Dean and that he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he can’t have that, unleashing the Darkness in his desperation to keep Dean with him and even saying, “I would do it again” in the aftermath, saving the town being destroyed by Amara, getting into The Cage with Lucifer, leading a team against the British Men of Letters, nurturing Jack, punching Dean in the face when he was going to sacrifice himself, leading more hunters, wielding a gun against Chuck... and that’s just some highlights. Sam Fucking Winchester does not need your bullshit about him being some sad, scared, helpless baby lorded over by mean old Dean who has never let him do anything he wants. 

Yes, in the text itself, there is jealousy and resentment at times, and there is legitimate and righteous anger on Sam’s part on a few occasions. There is blame cast on Dean by Sam for some of these choices/circumstances. Some of those moments where Dean is blamed are legitimate, and some of them... frankly, are not. Within the framework of the fucked up dynamics of the way they were raised, Sam and some fans bristle when they feel Dean is casting himself as the parent he is not, but Sam also has been guilty in the past of trying to reframe himself as Dean’s child when things got tough. Neither of them is responsible for the origin of that dynamic, but they BOTH have responsibility to change it, and they both, ultimately, succeed in doing so. For Sam, his part comes in recognizing and learning to fully own his own choices. Recognizing that he is not a child, and he is certainly not Dean’s child, and it isn’t just “Mummy—loosen the grip”, but Sam has to too—not claim independence only to blame Dean for his choices when his own decisions have an ultimate outcome he is unhappy with. That is a legitimate arc that Sam goes through imo, but he comes out the other side of it, and he and Dean relate to each other much better as peers from then on—and I’d like to note that throughout the entire series, when they don’t relate as perfect peers and teammates, it isn’t always Dean “bossing Sam around”, but Sam also trying to sideline Dean and yes—boss him around. And when they lied and hurt each other and yes, even manipulated each other, Dean most certainly wasn't always the one doing the lying and hurting and manipulating. Always, always, ALWAYS, they both had an understandable point of view, and it was complex, and you could understand why they made the choices they did, even if you thought of those choices as being wrong ones. 

I also would like to point out (because this is basically what I see all of the time) that Dean being hurt by someone or simply voicing his feelings or opinion is in no way abusive or manipulative. Dean is certainly charismatic and loved and his returning love and respect is often deeply desired, but he is not an actual siren, who bends people to his will simply by speaking or being. People are, in fact, able to tell him “no”, and frequently FREQUENTLY do. Further more, no one is owed his affection, his unwavering loyalty, or his trust. He has a right to his boundaries, regardless of if it makes some poor sad sap feel deprived of the “wellspring of coveted love” while he works through things. He can be hurt and angry, and he can wear his heart on his sleeve at times, and he can be flawed, and broken. [Insert Castiel's speech from 15.18 here]. So can Sam. So can Cas. None of them are manipulating each other by virtue of getting angry, feeling hurt, being traumatized, needing space, or having differing opinions or feelings. Sam didn’t punch Dean in the face in 14.12 because he's a cruel, manipulative abuser trying to force Dean under his thumb. He didn’t work behind Dean’s back with Ruby, insist on doing The Trials, beg Dean to use Doc Benton’s alchemy, use the Book of the Damned to cure Dean, pump him full of blood to cure him of being a demon despite the fact that it might kill him, or scream at him and fight him for wanting to get in the Ma’lak box because he “doesn’t respect his autonomy” and “wants to control him” and “doesn’t respect his right to his own body”. He did it because he loves him desperately, and Dean could stand to fucking hate himself less, and he fiercely wanted Dean to live even when Dean didn’t want to or couldn’t picture what that could be like. He didn’t force Dean to do anything simply by opening his mouth to voice disagreement and swaying Dean when he did so. Now reverse that. 

Cas didn't beat Dean into the ground in season 5 because he wanted to terrorize him into never going against Castiel ever again. He didn’t go behind his back dozens of times, sideline him, go MIA, all because he wanted to manipulate and control Dean and punish him. He didn’t throw sassy remarks at him to shatter his self-esteem. Now reverse that. 

*Breathes*

Anyway, fuck "X is abusive” interpretations. 

[a-friendly-fangirl]

My thoughts on Sex Education, season 3.

⚠️⚠️⚠️SPOILERS⚠️⚠️⚠️

First of all, please try to remember that this is just my opinion. I'm nobody to judge whether the season was good or bad and I don't mean to hurt anyone.

With that being said, I'd like to begin by admitting that I liked these 8 episodes overall... but there were so many things that felt wrong to me.

I loved Jean's journey during her pregnancy and the way she tried to take care of everyone at the same time (although I kind of disliked Jakob for some things he said).

I loved Aimee and her desire to heal after the assault. The way she really wants to make her voice be heard was heartwarming and inspiring to me. Plus, her friendship with Maeve is one of the most beautiful I've ever watched (about this, I'll say something later on).

I loved Viv and her ambition that slowly became less important than her peers and their rights. She really wanted them to be happy in the end. I think that she didn't really understand how bad things with Hope were until the trip to France. And she redeemed herself in a great way.

I loved Lily and her journey towards acceptance of herself, even when others thought she was weird and silly. It was empowering seeing her so confident in the end.

I loved Adam's growth. It taught that even the most simple of passions can turn into something meaningful and that, no matter how bad you are, you can change.

Above all, I loved Maeve finally getting the chance to do something amazing for herself for once.

All of these things were wonderful, truly. But so many others I didn't like and I couldn't really understand as narrative choices.

Let me begin with the one I found the most annoying: Isaac's fake redemption arc. I know what you might say: "Of course you hate it! You ship Maeve and Otis!". Well, yes, I do. But it's not all about that. I might be exaggerating... but Isaac deleting Otis' message was beyond disrespectful to me. If you remember, at the beginning of the second season, Isaac was really mean to Maeve... but he had the opportunity to redeem himself. He had the chance to say he was sorry and to be a better person to her, even though he had been around for so little time. However, when it came to Otis to have the same opportunity, he decided that he wasn't worth it. Isaac, who didn't really know Otis, took away from him the chance to at least say that he was truly sorry for being such an ass to Maeve. But, what feels even worse to me is that he took away even Maeve's possibility to decide. We don't know how it would have gone, if Maeve had listen to what Otis had to say. Maybe she would have forgiven him. Maybe she would have still chosen Isaac, because Otis hurt her too much. Who knows what might have been? No one. And why? Because Isaac decided for everyone. And I don't care if he thought he was protecting Maeve or if he was angry. It. Was. Not. His. Choice. To. Make.

Also, I didn't really understand why Maeve wasn't as mad as I was with him. Sure, she stopped talking to him for a couple of days. But the moment she started to speak with him again, they hooked up. Too fast, too soon, in my opinion. He apologised? Sure. But so did Otis. And he didn't get to be so easily forgiven.

But let's move to the another point I have a lot to say about: Otis and Ruby. I really liked them together. I found them cute and funny. But still... Ruby struggled for real to accept Otis for who he is. And Otis acted the way she wanted to keep her close. For example, he shaved off his moustache for her. Now, most of the fandom hated that moustache... but again, Otis seemed to care a great deal for it. He kept repeating that he spent months growing it. But Ruby didn't like it. And he sacrificed something he was proud of for her. But okay, a lot of people would do something like that for their loved ones. But then he had to dress like her friends to fit in. To be fair, Ruby gave up that idea pretty soon... but she just reacted to Otis refusing to do it. If I had to make a comparison between her and another love interest (not Maeve, 'cause I'd be biased), I'd choose Ola, of course. She was putting pressure on him in other ways, but she never wanted him to be any different than who he was. Love, after all, means acceptance. And perhaps Ruby loved Otis for he saw the hardest part of her life, without judging her. I wish it could have been the same for him.

About this, I've noticed many people being disappointed in Otis not saying he loved her too, because it means that he was just using her. Well... no? I mean, he was the first one to admit that, if she was willing to give him more time, he might have learned to love her. Should he have made it clear to her earlier in the relationship? Sure! Can we condemn him for not feeling the same? Absolutely not! Feelings can't be forced. And I'm also sure that he thought he was done for good with Maeve. He suffocated the love he had for her so much that the clinic made him sick and that he admitted his feelings only when pressured by Maeve herself.

In conclusion, I think that Otis and Ruby might have had a wonderful friendship, if they were only given the chance. They have that kind of chemistry.

Talking about people who are better off as friends: in my opinion, that's all Maeve and Aimee will ever be. I honestly can't see anything romantic in them. The purity of their friendship means so much to me and it's, at least for me, so different from the "Friends who are more than friends" energy. We're so lucky to have such wonderful actresses to play these characters... and what I see in their gestures and glances tells me of a great friendship. They're so different from Emily and Sue in Dickinson (they're supposed to be just friends, but they're clearly not) or even Judy and Jen in Dead To Me (another pair of friends that can be ambiguous with each other).

Moving to another couple, whose development I didn't understand: Adam and Eric. I'm not a great fan of their relationship. I like them both as individuals. But the bully-victim dynamic they used to have wasn't the best one to start a relationship with. I could see the appeal though. So much that, I was truly happy for them, when they said their first I love you's. And every step Adam made in the right direction made me smile, since that it took him a long time to grow up. Eric seemed happy with him too. Until he went to Nigeria. I sincerely loved the whole trip... but something felt wrong in him founding what he truly wanted there, where he couldn't even tell his family he had a boyfriend. The scene in the taxi gave me chills. I felt the risk he was taking by going with a stranger to a gay club. A stranger that he kissed almost out of nowhere (whether it was the heat of the moment or Adam not replying to him, I'm not sure). It's the second time he cheats on his boyfriend. And I think Eric deserves far better as a character.

My question about this whole drama is: "How come Eric found out that he wanted to be free in Nigeria and not in England?". If it's true that going to the club made him realise he wanted to be among people like him, it makes the whole situation even more absurd. Because there are plenty of gay bars and clubs in England. Why not go to one of them? My theory is that they wanted to build a good romance with Adam, then build tension between them and in us and end the whole thing with their breakup (probably to make Adam fall in love with Rahim).

I swear I'm almost done. I want to discuss one last topic with you all.

Maeve going to America like that felt so rushed. It's probably another strategy to make us want to see more of the show. And it surely worked. But still, it has, at least for how they developed it, nothing to do with Maeve maturing. The idea itself was amazing. I loved her getting the opportunity of a lifetime. But she literally decides to go the evening before (which is not even realistic. In real life, you have a deadline until which you can pay to go wherever you want. If you don't, your place is given to someone else), after getting the money from her mother. Now, where does that money come from? She might as well have stolen it, since she didn't have it before. In my opinion, this part of the story could have gone differently with little effort and the same outcome. How? Well, since that basically everyone thought she deserved to go to America, why couldn't have her classmates and teachers organised a fundraiser? Even in secret, so that she couldn't get angry for their "charity". It would have been so much better and so wholesome to see everyone in that school give a little sum for her, even to thank her for the help they got from the clinic.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for talking so much, but this season didn't go as expected and I truly needed to vent :P.

Thank you for listening❤

[obae-me]

hi!! may i please request nsfw headcanons of the brothers (+ Diavolo and Barbatos, if you can) with an MC with a pastel aesthetic who usually wears skirts and thigh highs who loves plushies and is a brat in bed??

This is my first time writing NFSW headcanons so I hope you like them! 💜

NSFW Below The Line, Please note that even if these are suggestive I always write with equal consent in mind.

Lucifer

Oh no. When they came down from the human world in light pink clothes, looking innocent and naive, he knew he was going to have his hands full. Their stark contrast against the Devildom’s bold dark colors was just screaming for some lower demon to take them.

The more he got to know them, the more MC drove him wild, but in a good way. They pushed his buttons in all the right places, puffing up his pride and then tearing it down in a tease.

Whenever they wore thigh highs, which was often, he would get distracted, wondering what those thighs would look like tied up in his many ropes or ribbons.

When they finally got to bed together, their behavior was even worse.

“Is this all the Demon of Pride can do?”

They were a brat, and he needed to put them in their place. If they were going to act like a child, they would be punished like one.

He wouldn’t stop till they were obedient. Till the mouth that would dare mock him was singing his praises. Till they knew who to obey. And he wouldn’t give them any pleasure till they begged for it.

Mammon

Their bright and soft aesthetic reminded him of a child, and the last thing he wanted to do was be a human’s babysitter. However he would never have guessed how deep MC would have him wrapped around their finger.

He’d end up giving them anything they wanted to keep them happy. MC would abuse this just a bit. If he was going to be their sugar daddy without knowing it, they wouldn’t refuse. He’d pamper them with clothes, cute gifts, plushies, all because he couldn’t resist how they looked when they pouted their lips and asked him for it.

They teased him though, god, how they teased him. Not only how they looked but how they acted, especially with demons other than him. But push Mammon too far and he can be even more possessive than Lucifer. He’s the Demon of Greed, and if he wants something, he’ll take it by any means necessary.

If they’re already in bed with him, kissing and teasing, but being a brat? Denying him what he wants with a smile and a roll of the eyes and watching him get flustered over it? That’ll drive him wild. He’ll growl in their ears and take what’s his. Making sure to mark them in several places so everybody can know who MC belongs to.

Levi

They remind him of a kawaii anime character. He’ll fall in love with them immediately. None of the demons around here ever looked like that. Even the school uniforms RAD had were always dark and mature. He could barely look at them without blushing.

MC knew this and lived off it. They’d purposely get close to him, grabbing his arm and pushing their chest close against it. Wearing extra short skirts just to expose just enough skin to make him all red in the face. He’s a shy baby most of the time, until the demon comes out of him.

They would dare question his otaku reputation? They would dare talk about being with someone else just to make him jealous? They would dare snatching one of his prized figurines to hide it behind their back?

“If you want this back, you’ll have to go through me~”

He’s played so many dating games that he knows the only way they’ll be satisfied is through force. He’ll play them like a game and make sure he wins. With his fingers in all the right places till MC finally ends up the one red and flustered.

Satan

He couldn’t care less how MC decided to dress. Aside from a cultural perspective, fashion was never important to him, what someone looked like was insignificant next to how much they knew.

MC knew this and so they would act dumb around him, but for the life of him he couldn’t discover as to why. They did just fine in their studies, and surely they couldn’t be as dumb as they pretended to be.

Until they got a little more familiar, and MC would do things to him and act stupid as an excuse to get away with it. Surely they knew how he felt when they rubbed against him in sensitive areas. About how he felt being compared to Lucifer. Were they insulting him? Insulting his intelligence? Nothing made him angrier.

“But how am I supposed to know unless you teach me?”

Oh Satan would teach them a lesson alright. Class was about to be in session. They would know how to behave around him. They would be taught how to act if they wanted for him to please them so badly. If MC knew what they were doing, they would have to be prepared for his wrath to be unleashed so well bad they’d not be able to walk to school tomorrow.

Asmo

MC is so cute he can’t stand it. They’re both pink and bright and beautiful. The Devildom is so bland and drab, meaning MC is such a breath of fresh air. He knows all sorts of outfits that would look amazing on them.

Ooh, they’re going to be bratty? How cute, he can be bratty too, so who would win in the end? Anything MC said to him he just found endearing. He’s been in bed with everyone, honey, he knows how to handle them.

Ah but what he wasn’t expecting was for them to cut them off completely. To shun them and act like he doesn’t exist, on purpose. He had enjoyed the bratty game, because it was some form of attention, but now they’re not even giving him any of it? The shining Demon of Lust has to be the center of all their attention.

That outfit MC was wearing wasn’t cutting it. He’ll tear it off and give them something...better to wear. He has a separate closet full of clothes he wants to see MC in. Especially if it makes them turn that bratty attitude shy.

He’ll make sure they don’t forget him or ignore him again. He’ll have them memorize every inch of his body and sear it into their mind. He’ll have his moans be the only thing they hear all night. Ensuring it’s impossible to ignore him. He wants MC to know his body better than their own.

Beel

MC reminds him of something sweet like a marshmallow, he has to be held back not to eat them right off the bat. He only just needs to be patient...

He doesn’t really pick up on the behavior at first. They want something to eat? He’ll get it for them. If they throw a little tantrum if the food is wrong, they can have his, he’ll eat anything. He’s more of a protector, not a punisher, and so he doesn’t quite get why MC keeps acting like this around him.

So MC had to step up their game, and decided to eat the last of his special ice cream. When he found out, he was furious. MC knew it was his, and it was a limited flavor that won’t be back for another century. 

“What’re you going to do about it?”

If they ate his ice cream, he was going to have to eat something else. He’d just have to have MC as the appetizer, main course and dessert. He’ll take their clothes off with just his teeth. Leave them with faint bite marks as he nibbles on them. He’ll finally get to taste them through thoroughly, feasting off of them until he’s full.

Belphie

MC looked soft, like a pillow or a colorful cloud during sunsets he remembers seeing in the human realm. Even just looking at them made him sleepy. 

He’s Sloth, he doesn’t have the time or the energy to deal with MC’s taunts or advances. It exhausts him, and he’ll just sleep it off.

Or that’s what he’d like to do if MC would let him sleep. They’ll talk about anything to keep him awake. They’ll shake him. Bother him. Rattle him up. Even go so far as to sit on him and straddle his body, refusing to let him get rest. He gets cranky when he’s tired.

If that’s how they wanted it...he’ll stay awake, just to pin them to the bed. He’ll make sure MC’s noises are muffled by his pillow so they’re not too loud. He won’t stop until they’re so exhausted they’ll have no choice but to fall fast asleep, with him doing even more to them in their dreams. That night MC will be his pillow.

Diavolo

He liked how MC looked. It was different. It was human. He couldn’t get enough of amazing little humans. He especially was fond the way MC seemed to forget the fact he was a ruler. A Demon ruler. The brothers that MC had gotten to know so well were fallen, yes, but were angels originally. They weren’t Hell Breed demons. So no one had ever treated him the way MC did, and it drove Lucifer up the wall which he found so much more entertaining.

MC was trying so hard to get him riled up, but he’s been alive for ages, he’s had demons of all sorts out to get him mad, to lose his composure. To ruin his image. It wasn’t going to happen, adorable human, try as they so desperately may. He’d let them think it was working, just to humor them.

He thought it was so refreshing to be teased instead of worshiped for once. He wants to see how far they’re willing to go. How far they’re willing to push their luck. He’ll treat their boldness with rewards, but he also has an image to maintain, so there’s no way MC is getting out of this without ending up on their knees. He’ll just postpone it as long as he’s able.

He’ll have them discover how much power he has, how much people fear him, how much special treatment he’s given them thus far. They’ve never seen a demon like this before. His very presence emanates superiority. At the end of the day he’ll find out how much more satisfying it is to have MC at his feet than anyone else.

Barbatos

Barbados is Diavolo’s source of information. None other than him could be the one to directly serve the Lord himself. He knows everything about MC. Everything. Every MC from every timeline and possible outcome. Which means that the fact that this MC was here like this says he chose them. He chose to be here in this present with this MC.

He’s the most composed demon in the Devildom, even surpassing Lucifer and Diavolo himself. No one will ever know if they’ve pissed him off, his expression is unchanging and they’ll find themselves along the branch of time where they die their worst death.

So the fact that MC was purposefully trying to frustrate him up was amusing. Of course he’d never do anything to harm them since they were important to Diavolo and the program, and he was quite fond of them.

He’d show them possible bedroom events they could have together, but would never give them any until they asked for it. He was still a gentleman and a butler, and so he wouldn’t do anything until someone told him to. He’d be pleased watching MC spend ages trying to pry him out of his cool-headed nature so he could do as he would with them. But eventually they would succumb against his unwavering gaze and beg for Barbados to fulfill some of those futures that he taunted them with.