#how could i forget about izzy hands??

[squircatlies]

I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!

My mom accidentally saw my phone background, which is a fanart I made of Our Flag Means Death over a year ago and she said we should print it out and display it somewhere.

There are GAY PEOPLE KISSING in it and she's HOMOPHOBIC!!!

I don't think she managed to get a good look at it, but I need a way to erase that memory from her brain. Right now!

btw here's the art (I posted it on instagram as a stupid prediction for s2, so you might've seen it somewhere before, but I'm the original artist)

there's also a stabless version

the layout of the characters is based on that old Wolverine meme

I have set grumpy Izzy part as my lockscreen and the kiss as the homescreen on my phone. I fought it was funny at the time and then promptly forgot about it and haven't changed it since.

Alas routine has become my downfall. My escape from reality is suddenly causing it to come crushing down on me.

Now I might have to come out as trans and gay and a fucking shipper at the same time. I don't want to come out like this. Like, it's not even funny to me anymore.

[ritzcrackee]

oh to be a right hand man who wants more than he has...

[izzyy-stuff]

THE NEXT STEP - HUENING KAI

bf!huening x fem!reader

in which even though you've been dating your boyfriend for months now, neither one of you could find enough courage to take it to the next level, until one night, when he shows up at your door with food to take your mind away from studying once again.

wc 3.1k

warnings yunjin of le ssera is mentioned once, established relationship, protected sex, nipple play, vaginal fingering, oral (f. receiving), squirting, pet names

izzy speaks... I genuinely don't like this much as my other smuts but whatever, I guess. I still hope you'll enjoy reading

“You guys are annoying,” Kai proclaimed, rolling his eyes as he picked up his phone, wallet, and keys to leave the dorms. “I am visiting my girl. And staying overnight, probably. I am too tired of you guys.” 

Kai sighed when the only response he got was more of Beomgyu's and Soobin's yelling while they played Mario cards on the TV. “This is exactly why I don't want to be here."

"We get it, don't worry," Taehyun looked up from his phone.

“Wait, what do you mean you are staying overnight with her?” Yeonjun questioned immediately, looking up from his phone and leaving his girlfriend on read for a second. 

Kai rolled his eyes again. “That I am sleeping at hers? What? Do you have a problem with that?” 

“Of course I do,” Yeonjun nodded. “I don’t think you’re responsible enough for that yet.” 

“Yeonjun,” Taehyun spoke up, raising an eyebrow at him. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” 

“To be honest, I think he is more responsible than you, and we still let you sleep with your girlfriend,” Beomgyu commented, his fingers quickly moving over the console so he wouldn't lose. 

Yeonjun was already opening his mouth to argue, but Beomgyu stopped him before he could say anything. “Don’t try to lie, we all know you’re fucking her. I have heard you,” he frowned, only leaving Yeonjun embarrassed. “He is at least doing it with none of us around. You don’t care.” 

“Okay, I did not need to hear that,” Soobin sighed, understanding why Kai would want to leave the dorm. The boys were sometimes too much to handle. 

“I am not going there to sleep with her,” Kai rolled his eyes. “If you guys are this horny, call your partners and stop caring about my love life.” 

“Don’t say that. It will be even noisier if they all come,” Taehyun whined. 

“Well, good thing I am leaving,” Kai chuckled. “I’ll see you guys at practice tomorrow. Don’t text or call until then,” he waved them goodbye before quickly rushing out of the dorms, wanting to leave as soon as possible. 

You, on the other hand, were currently in your room, working on your school stuff, having no idea your boyfriend was coming. You sighed as you finished your presentation, leaning back in your chair to rest for a minute. You looked around the room, trying to remember everything you still had to do today. 

You noticed your phone buzzing and reached for it, opening the texts between you and your boyfriend. 

kaikai 💛  babyyy kaikai 💛  are you hungry?? kaikai 💛 (≧▽≦q)  [you] You’re being cute again  >  <   [you] I am a little hungry... [you] I can’t go out, though. [you] I am working on my school stuff now :( kaikai 💛 I'll bring you some food then kaikai 💛 You’ve been working a lot  [you] I love you <3 kaikai 💛 I know you do kaikai 💛 who wouldn't kaikai 💛 I love you too though ❤

You smiled at your phone, forgetting you had stuff to do when you talked to him. That was just what he did with you. Kai always made you think about different things. Sometimes, he just made you forget about things, keeping your mind in the moment with him and nowhere else. Sometimes, he just made you think about how adorable he was.

And sometimes, at times you would never admit to him, Kai made you ponder about the nastiest things possible. 

As cute as he was, he knew exactly how to tease you. He always said the right things that turned you on, but he had no idea what he was doing because you refused to tell him.

It wasn’t like you didn't want more with him, but you were scared. Even though you knew your worries were unnecessary, your mind simply couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if you came to him, admitting that you needed him. What if he wouldn’t want it? What if, for any reason, he would think you were weird? You weren't risking your relationship with him because of that unless he showed any signs of wanting to do more, too. 

You shook your head, getting the thoughts out of your head as you reached for your textbook, taking a deep breath before reading through the whole page. 

You turned to another page, slowly getting tired, when your doorbell rang. You smiled, knowing it must have been your boyfriend. You told all your friends not to bother you today because you were busy, so unless your landlord had some problems again, it must have been him. 

You quickly stood up and rushed to the front door, glad you finally had a reason to stop studying. You opened the door with the biggest smile as you noticed the older boy in front of you, a bag with food in one of his hands and a bottle of your favorite soda in his other hand. 

“Hey, love,” Kai smiled, walking inside your apartment. You adored it when he called you love, and he knew that. No wonder he has been using it so much lately. 

“Hi,” you greeted him, watching him walk to your kitchen and place the food and drink on your kitchen island. “What did you bring?” You wondered, walking to him. 

“Chicken,” he responded. “Yunjin mentioned before that you weren't eating much, so I am making sure you’ll eat everything today,” he proclaimed, already taking the chicken out of the bag. 

You came closer to him, hugging him from behind, which made him leave the food and turn around, hugging you back. “Cutie,” he chuckled, caressing your back. “Says you,” You mumbled. “You’re just amazing, Kai,” you breathed out. “Thank you.” 

“Always,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. 

The two of you ate everything Kai brought and ended up in your bedroom, your boyfriend lying on your bed, watching you as you were studying your textbooks again. 

“You are pretty like this,” he commented, lying on his side. You looked amazing no matter what in his eyes, but there was something about this moment. There was something about how you focused on the book and about your hair falling in front of your eyes, making you flustered every time you tried to tug it behind your ear.

“What?” You looked up from your book at him. He smiled, just simply watching you, which made you chuckle. “What? Is there something on my face?” 

“Yeah, a cute smile,” he responded, making you blush. “It suits you, your hair like this,” he commented. “And studying too, you look pretty while focusing.” 

Your cheeks were looking like a tomato by now. You were supposed to be studying, but Kai was taking your mind away from that once again. “Well, you look adorable lying on my bed,” you confessed. “Like I want to kiss you, cute.” 

“Then come and kiss me,” he grinned mischievously. You bit on your bottom lip, slowly standing up from your chair and walking over to him. 

You kneeled on the bed, commanding him to sit up, which he happily did. You shook your head with a chuckle, cupping his cheek as you pulled him closer so you could kiss him. 

He smiled into the kiss, putting the messy strands of your hair behind your ear, pulling you even closer to himself. Instinctively, you moved even closer to him, sitting on his lap. Huening carefully slid his hands under your oversized shirt, his fingers touching the skin on your waist. 

“I love you,” he whispered, placing his forehead against yours, his breath landing on your lips. You smiled, a genuine smile full of love. “I could kiss you all day long.” 

“Let’s see if that’s true,” you giggled, slightly pushing his chest down so he would fall on his back. He laughed, watching you as you leaned down to him, pushing your lips against his. He whimpered when he felt you shift on his lower body, making your eyes widen. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he blurted out immediately, embarrassed. He didn’t want you to know, but your moves turned him on. So much that he wasn’t sure how long it would take him to get a boner with you on top of him. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to.” 

Fuck. This wasn’t good at all, you thought. Hearing your boyfriend make these sounds under you made you feel things. And imagine stuff. You bit your bottom lip, trying to get the thought of his cock inside you out of your mind. But it was too late already, and the image of him under you, as you bounced on his dick, was all over your mind, making you wet. 

The taller boy noticed the look in your eyes. You looked even more turned on than he was. It was hard holding back when you were right on top of him, looking like you wanted him as much as he wanted you. He had told his friends he wasn’t going to fuck you tonight, but his whole body hoped for something else. 

“Kai...” You whispered carefully, looking right into his eyes. “Do you...want to?” You hesitated for a second. Unable to breathe as you waited for his answer. You were too nervous. 

“Do you want to?” He asked, his puppy eyes looking right into yours. Oh god, you thought, wanting to kiss him again. 

You were hesitant again but nodded, slightly moving your lower body, making his eyes widen. His cock was getting hard already only because of your small moves. It was impossible to resist you. Especially when you were looking at him like that. 

“You’re making it hard for me, love,” he mumbled, quickly pulling you back to himself to kiss you. “And my dick, too. You’re making me hard,” he informed you. That information, however, wasn’t new to you. You could feel his cock getting bigger under you, and it was only making you hornier. 

Your hands wandered under his shirt, your fingers slowly getting to know every inch of his stomach and chest. “Love,” you moaned quietly. “I need you,” you whispered, making his mind go completely blank. There was nothing else other than you on his mind right now. If you were to ask him anything, he wouldn’t be able to answer. 

“Oh god,” he breathed out, his fingers getting to the bottom of your shirt. “Do you mind?” You shook your head immediately, and before you could even realize that it was happening, he was taking your shirt down, revealing your white bra. He bit his bottom lip, already thinking about taking your bra off, too. 

You felt your cheeks getting hotter as you felt his gaze on your body, only getting more turned on. You were going to die if he didn’t touch you soon. You moved forward and back again with your ass, rubbing your pussy on his dick through your clothes. “Fuck,” he whimpered, sitting up properly so he could be closer to you. Your bodies were touching, the only thing keeping you apart being the clothes you were still wearing. 

���You should take this down, too,” you commented, your eyes staring at his completely hidden body. “Why don’t you take it down yourself, princess?” He smiled, watching your already flushed cheeks turn even redder. 

You didn’t say anything to it and instead just took the shirt down for him. Your sight fell on his naked body immediately, and suddenly, you couldn’t even blame him for staring seconds ago. “Are you sure you want to do it?” You questioned, hesitating again. It still felt unreal.  

“Do you have to ask?” He chuckled, carefully cupping your face, kissing you as his hands wandered on your back until they reached the bra fastening. He slowly moved his mouth from your lips to your neck, making you whine immediately. “Kai,” you moaned from the pressure on your neck. He smirked, leaving a few hickeys. “I am going to take care of you soon. Don’t worry,” he assured you. 

This wasn’t good at all. Kai hasn’t even touched you down there, and you already felt like cumming just because of his words. 

Your panties were soaking wet already, and his mouth on your boob wasn’t helping it at all. He moved his attention to your right nipple right after taking down your bra while his hand made sure your other boob wasn’t left out. The sounds you were trying to hold back as he sucked on your nipple were heaven for him, making his pants tighter. 

“Baby,” you whined again, making him look up for a second. “Please, I am going to die.” He chuckled, pulling away from your chest, making you lay down on the bed as he quickly took down his pants and boxers - the two pieces were already so tight on him it was killing him, too. 

He took down your jeans, too, leaving you only in your panties, which were visibly wet. Kai smirked when he saw you, his eyes fixated on your cunt. Even though his hard cock was begging for some attention, the thought of his head between your thighs seemed better to him.

You glanced at him, making sure your mind remembered every inch of his naked body. The way his hard cock slapped on his lower tummy when he took down his boxers, his naked torso, the way his fingers ran throught his hair as he looked at you with hunger in his eyes, you were sure to remember it all.

He grabbed your thighs, pulling you closer to himself before he took down your panties, too. “If you are not okay with anything, just tell me immediately, yeah?” You nodded to him, “Just please, do something already.” 

Good thing he took down his pants because his dick was already trembling, wanting to slide inside your wet pussy. He watched you as he carefully slid the first finger inside you, making you moan out immediately. He added another finger, still not taking his eyes off you as he slowly trusted in and out of you, leaning closer to you to kiss you again. You wrapped your hands behind his neck, pulling him closer as you let out quiet moans against his lips.

The feeling of your pussy tightly squeezing his fingers was incredible, already making him think about how his dick would feel inside of you. He pulled out his fingers, making you whimper for more. He licked his lips, kissing you once more before he moved his head down to your legs, kissing your inner thighs before he opened your legs properly. His kisses moved closer and closer to your cunt before he finally reached his destination, placing a kiss on your clit before he began to suck on it.

Your legs moved on your own, trying to close themselves more as you were getting closer to your orgasm. You didn’t want him to stop, so when he grabbed your thighs, holding you close to himself and making sure your legs were open enough, you were grateful to him. There was no way you wouldn’t try to pull away if he didn’t do so. 

You cried out his name as you reached your high, squirting over his face, starting to feel embarrassed for it. He finally let go of your legs, seeing how much they were shaking. He smirked, happy with himself, as he licked your wetness once more before crawling on top of you, hovering over you. Your face was getting redder again as you broke your eye contact. However, he wasn’t letting you run away so easily. He kissed your jaw. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, turning your head to face him again. “I just- that was so good, Kai,” you breathed out, making him smile again. “Do you think you can take my cock now too? It’s fine if not,” he assured you immediately. “I can just take care of it myself.” 

“No, no,” you shook your head. “I am...I am fine,” you answered confidently. “I want you inside of me.” 

Huening was screaming inside his head, already getting obsessed with that sentence. He already knew he needed to hear you beg for him like that again in the future.

“I have condoms in the drawer next to my bed,” you proclaimed, making his eyes widen. He had no idea you were this prepared. When he thought about it, though, you were dating for a long time already. He just didn’t know you wanted him as much as he wanted you. 

Only a few seconds later, he was putting the condom on his cock, watching you lying down in front of him, your legs wide open again, waiting for him. The sight was unforgettable, and he had made sure his mind would remember it clearly. He moved closer to you, waiting for your nod before he slowly slid his tip into your cunt. 

He didn’t thrust right away. Instead, he waited for you to get used to him first. When you nodded again, he started thrusting into you, at first slowly, making sure you were okay with it before he started going faster, in a pace that suited his need. 

You started moaning again, putting a hand in front of your mouth so you wouldn't be so loud. That, however, wasn't to Kai's liking. He pulled out of you completely, making you whine. "I want to hear you, love," he proclaimed. "Or I am just going to leave you like this." 

You moaned again. This time, in disagreement. You let your hand fall back to your body, grabbing onto your bed sheets as you felt his cock at your entrance. He smirked, "Good girl." 

Moans filled the room again. Some of them were from you, your legs shaking thanks to him, and some were from your boyfriend, who was trying his best to last as long as possible. With your pussy tightly wrapped around his cock it was way more difficult than he thought it would. 

Eventually, he gave up, letting himself cum when you clenched around him even more. "Fuck," he breathed out, pulling out of you. He was breathing heavily, and so were you.

He laid down next to you, his hand resting on his belly as he turned his head to face you. "You did great, love. So great."

"You did well, baby," you chuckled. "I love you so much," you added, kissing him once more. 

"I love you too," he smiled into the kiss, his hand cupping your cheek as he pulled you closer. 

⋆✶ izzy's tags @beomiracles @seoulzie @adel222 @inkigayocamman ✶⋆

[icallhimjoey]

Not to be a psycho but i delusionally check your blog about 3 times a day for a new part of All The Aces 🫶🏻

Not to be a psycho but this blog is the exact right place to be a psycho so ✌🏻 here you go, the last part of this lil series! Lmk your thoughts! Also don't forget: 18+ smutty adult themes etc Wordcount: 4.5K

---

All The Aces

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

Joe was right, but there was a sour taste to it. Something a little rotten.

It was all sweet, all fun and games until, very slowly, it turned into something else.

He didn’t know when you’d reached the tipping point, but you were well past it now and very muchly not willing to admit you weren’t doing great.

Fucking stubborn. So proud and tenacious. It was really something. Weirdly admirable, but also impossible to manage. Joe said he’d wanted to find your breaking point, but you didn’t seem to be willing to stop bending, and Joe started wondering if you’d even snap at all.

Sometimes it was easy.

You’d be short with him, and he’d react in a stupid way to make you laugh, and then you would laugh, and the ice around you would melt away instantly.

But there’d be moments where nothing Joe would do was okay. In fact, all of it would be exactly the opposite, and you’d prefer to be left alone. To not be touched, or even be looked at. To maybe sleep in your own bed whilst Joe slept in his because then you could just avoid this stupid bet all together.

There was something nice about the control still, Joe thought. But he also wasn’t sure if he knew he could handle the responsibility for much longer.

When he’d told you he didn’t want you to come just to see how long you’d be able to go without, there was a mental image of you reaching a point of begging for him to let you. And then, he could be the one to give you permission. That’s what he’d envisioned and ultimately, what he had wanted.

But... you weren’t begging for shit.

Izzy started noticing a difference after about ten, maybe eleven days. How you held onto frustration a bit longer than you usually would. How you’d snap a little sooner too. 

She’d frown at you and ask, “Are you all right?” rhetorically after you’d forcefully kick her shoes aside that she’d left in the middle of the doormat by the front door.

You’d sigh and mutter, “Fine. Sorry.” Before you’d make the mental decision to be kind and friendly to your best friend because she hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault that you felt like you were slowly going insane.

You felt a little pathetic.

You’d not even made it a fortnight before you’d started avoiding Joe.

You stopped asking him if he’d come over to yours for dinner. Stopped double tapping his messages to send him little hearts. Stopped replying to his double chin selfies with ones of your own.

You didn’t like Joe any less.

But being around him became something risky.

And Joe hadn’t expected for himself to become a risk.

It was stupid.

It was absolutely crazy, actually.

You wanted to quit your job.

You also wanted to flip your desk, set the sofa on fire, and move to another country.

Your hands constantly itched to do something.

How many feelings was a person able to have at once? Because there were about 26 feelings happening in the middle of your chest simultaneously, and they were seeping into your limbs where you weren’t able to process any of them properly and it was making you angry.

You couldn’t cheat.

Even though you wanted to. 

Badly.

But if you were one thing, it was stubborn, and you’d started pushing Joe away when he’d take you to the verge of an orgasm, just to have the overhand. To feel like you were in charge still, even though whatever you thought you held in the palm of your hand was starting to leak through your fingers.

You were not having a good time.

And so you decided that Joe also wasn’t allowed to have a good time anymore.

Joe’d initiated sex three nights in a row, and all three times, you’d avoided his advances.

Shied away.

Moved just out of reach.

And the first time, Joe thought it was sort of cute. He’d said, “My poor baby,” and had chuckled a little before leaving you alone.

The second time, all he could really be was sweet. Be polite. If you said no, you didn’t want it, and so that was your choice.

But the third time, Joe quirked an eyebrow and asked, “Is something wrong? Have I… did I break you?”

His attempt at humour got dismissed. You didn’t laugh. Didn’t even smile. Just looked at your phone and flatly said, “No. I’m not made to be broken. But, it feels more fair like this.”

“Huh?”

“If I don’t get to have any, you shouldn’t either.”

“How is that more fair, exactly?” Joe’d tried moving in on you, hand sliding over your stomach, body scooting closer to curl all around you.

“I don’t know. Feels it, so…” You didn’t move. Kept your eyes on your phone and pretended there weren’t soft circles drawn into your side with a slow fingertip.

“Okay,” Joe chuckled silently, “But I never said that I didn’t want to–”

You clicked off your phone and interrupted, “Well, tough. Deal with it.”

Your phone got placed onto your bedside table, and you started moving to lay on your side, facing away from him, wriggling out of his hold as you did.

Joe let you get comfortable before he humorously said, “I actually think… yea, I think that this could mean that I’ve won. I’m right.”

“You’re not right.” You deadpanned, eyes already closed, ready to ignore Joe behind you and go to sleep.

“But I am.”

“No.”

“Explain how.” Joe curved another hand over your hip, but you were quick to move it aside.

“No.”

God, you were being impossible. It was a shame that this was funny to only one person in the room – it would’ve been way more fun if Joe’s giggles would’ve kick-started yours, but you stayed silent.

“Well, all right. Let’s spend some quality time together then. I’ll do some good foreplay for you, hmm?” Joe was fucking around. “I want to… baby, I want to do a fun activity together. Be close to you. Give you some appreciation, learn about you, I–”

“Fuck you.”

Joe was using every word you’d uttered that night with Izzy against you now, and listen: you were not wrong.

You were right.

Joe had just gone and changed the game, that was the real issue here, and now you couldn’t even look at his hands without feeling a pulse in your underwear.

How the fuck was that fair?

It wasn’t.

And so Joe was a risk now.

It was all fun and games until Joe realised it maybe had only been fun and games for him. You were still playing, still following the rules, but how could Joe still enjoy this if you weren’t?

When Izzy was the one to invite him over to your shared flat instead of you, he felt his defeat sit heavy in his chest.

He was going to have to admit he’d been wrong and, for his own sake as well as yours, was going to have to admit to it. He was ready for things to go back to normal, if that was even possible.

When you’d walked in after work that evening, one of your belt loops got stuck on the doorhandle before you’d even taken off your jacket.

“Shut up!” You spoke into your flat before anyone had even said anything. “I’m fine.”

You weren’t, but you repeated it in your head like a mantra – I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. You’d have dinner with Izzy to be a good friend and then you’d see if you could calm yourself down enough to actually get an early night.

You knew you needed it.

You likely wouldn’t be able to, though. Hadn’t been able to for a few nights, and it was really starting to fuck with… well. Everything. One thing would go okay, and then two thousand things would go wrong, and you didn’t have the mental capacity to process, let alone deal with, any of it. 

Everything was overwhelming.

You needed to soak your whole person in a hot bath for two weeks to reset your brain, you thought. 

You got no reaction to your shut up, and when you walked into your kitchen, you saw why. Izzy was crouched down in front of the oven next to Joe.

Surprise.

You hadn’t expected Joe to be there. Hadn’t anticipated to hear his soft voice explain oven settings to your best friend as you’d barged into your flat in the worst mood.

Joe was showing Izzy how he’d set the buttons on your oven the last time, when he made a pasta bake that turned out exactly like the picture from the recipe. Especially amazing, because rarely did pasta bakes even make it onto plates to be served in your flat. Your oven was an old thing that needed careful handling. Couldn’t turn it on and trust it to do its thing on its own; your food would either burn or not cook at all.

“Hey, what’s going on?” you asked, and both of them turned their heads to see you frowning down at them, your hand rubbing at where you’d just been yanked back into the door.

“What happened?” Izzy asked, half paying attention to the oven still, but she sounded genuinely confused. Moreso when she actually turned her head and looked at you.

“Nothing. I said I’m fine.”

You hid the belt loop you’d just nearly ripped from your jeans on the door handle from view for fear of them commenting on it. That would just piss you off more. 

But then Izzy wouldn’t stop looking at you from her crouched position by the oven, so you were quick to add, “Bumped my hip. What’s he doing here?”

That made Joe burst into laughter as he got up and stretched his legs.

You didn’t join in.

You hadn’t invited Joe over.

Your serious face made Izzy frown at you a little as she got up, everyone at eye-level now.

“Joe helped me cook us dinner…”

“Oh. How nice of him.”

Izzy turned her head to look at Joe and hesitated a little before she said, “I know I’m the best friend, but, can you maybe...” she nodded her head in your direction. 

Joe scrunched up his nose and shook his head. 

"Nah. She said she’s fine, didn’t she?" 

Smug bastard.

"I am."

They both looked at you.

"What- leave me alone. I’m fucking fine!" 

No one had even said anything, but you were stomping out of the kitchen anyway. Maybe dinner could be a thing you just didn’t have tonight. You’d have some self-loathing with a side of slamming doors instead, and it would satisfy you all the same.

After the door to your bedroom slammed shut, you let your fingers slide into your hair where you gripped tightly, just for a second.

Took a few deep breaths, just to calm down.

What would be good right now?

No.

Besides that.

What else would be good right now?

Change.

You could change into a softer outfit.

Be gentle to yourself.

No one else was going to be, so you might as well.

You’d only just taken your top off when the door opened behind you.

You knew it’d be Joe, so you ignored it.

Softly the door got closed again, and Joe turned to lean against it, hands behind his back, head tilted back as he looked at you.

“Hey,”

“What?” you snapped.

“Have you eaten today?” Joe’s voice remained soft, not affected by your moodiness at all.

“Had a fat lunch, thanks for asking.” You wiggled out of your jeans and found a pair of soft joggers. You changed without looking at Joe, and then, when you finally did, you saw him look at you like he knew exactly what was going on.

A small, little smile that said, “You’re only acting like this because of what I asked of you.”

Eyes sort of twinkly that said, “And you know that we both know what the problem is.”

And Joe wasn’t totally wrong, but also definitely not totally right. You were feeling the way you were feeling for lots of reasons.

Joe looked at you like that for exactly long enough for you to snap, “What?” at him.

Then, he suddenly frowned.

“You been avoiding me?”

“No.”

“I think you’ve been avoidning me.”

“I haven’t.”

You suddenly heard the front door open and close, and Joe saw how you paused to listen. 

“Izzy,” Joe simply said by ways of explaining, like he knew she’d be heading out. Which made no sense - they’d just made dinner together.

But you hadn’t witnessed the way Izzy had looked at Joe when you’d stormed out of the room. Hadn’t heard how Joe answered her unasked question by saying, “We’re playing a weird game, it’s been... it’s been a while.” He said it like he knew it was ridiculous, and it got followed by an uneasy weird silence that provoked him to add, “You said you didn’t want to know what we– how we–” Izzy’d raised her hand, stopping him before he could say more, had then told him to fucking finish the game already, you fucking weren’t children, and Joe’d laughed that maybe Izzy didn’t want to be in the flat for it.

Izzy made the executive decision to have her dinner elsewhere then, face scrunched up in disgust as she opened the kitchen cupboard that held all the plastic containers you owned, ready to put whatever was in the oven away for another time.

She reminded Joe of the behind-closed-door rules before pointing him towards your room, sending him on his way like an irritated mum would.

Before you could really think to ask why Izzy’d left, Joe gave his chin a little tilt and distracted you when he said, “Remember when I thought you were cheating before… You’re kind of cheating now.”

And you had no time for childish silly games. Joe could leave and take his dinner with him. Come back later when you felt like being around him again.

“Joe, stop being annoying, I’m not–”

“No, no. That wasn’t a question.”

You gave an annoyed huff and dropped your shoulders whilst your face fell too. If Joe wasn’t going to let you tell him how annoying he was being, he was at least to observe by your body language how annoyed you felt.

But then Joe stepped forward, and used the back of his hand, backs of his fingers, to slowly caress a soft line down your face. He barely touched you, but the little trace that did catch your skin, sparked immediate goosebumps. 

Your breath hitched a little at the sudden softness from him, and you felt yourself sway on the spot.

“This all it takes?” Joe made his voice sound all soft, a little innocent, like he was just being curious as he watched your eyebrows knit together.

“No…”

Yes. 

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

No.

Joe let his fingers curl around your neck, and your head dropped to the side as your eyes closed, your imagination wandering somewhere dangerous now, and fuck off, you were supposed to be mad at him. That little desperate noise wasn’t meant to slip from your throat.

“What about this?” Joe quietly wondered as he moved in closer and let his lips softly brush the skin on the side of your neck.

You thought you went deaf for a second.

“Hmm?” Joe hummed in question when you failed to answer him, and you couldn’t actually get any words out, because you just knew every word would come out all shaky, like it would ache to speak at all.

All you managed was a tiny shake to your head as you tried swallowing down the hazy feeling that was making your mind run a mile a minute.

Joe lowered his voice as much as he could when he followed up with a little confused, “No?”

He saw how you frowned, the smallest of movement in your brow, and for fear of you trying to pull yourself out of whatever you were slowly sinking into, Joe let his forehead touch yours.

You knew what he was doing.

“No, you can’t...” you breathed against Joe’s mouth.

“Can’t what?” Joe kept you in place, hand on the back of your neck still, eyes closed, forehead to forehead.

Joe could feel how you were trying your best to hold onto your last little bit of resistance. However, a short strengthening of his grip was enough for it to ebb away, and Joe pretended for your sake that he couldn’t feel you shaking like a leaf.

“Can’t let me...” Lose, you wanted to say, but you faltered, and Joe used the opportunity to sneak a kiss. He went in for a soft little romantic one, something small to maybe make the words come back to you, but the moment that your mouths touched, you lost all inhibitions and immediately slapped both hands around Joe’s neck to pull him into you forcefully.

Joe let a surprised little noise escape him.

He hadn’t expected this hunger from you, which he quickly realised was actually so dumb. He’d left you starving, and then you added to that by not feeding yourself. He should’ve seen this coming from miles away.

It was perfect, too. He knew it meant he could manoeuvre you to right where he wanted you to be.

See if you’d beg.

Or at least, ask nicely.

With a soft palm to your stomach, Joe started pushing you back towards your bed, and he thought it wouldn’t be so easy, but it was shocking how you were forcefully pulling him with you. How you let yourself fall back onto your mattress and held onto Joe to ensure he’d go down with you.

You’d been avoiding Joe for this exact reason.

One little finger of outreach made you grab onto his whole being.

And Joe simply went with it, obviously.

Went with you hurriedly squirming out of your clothes with fumbling hands.

Went with the legs that wrapped around him, ankles hooking him right into place with no escape.

Went with the urgency with which you kissed him, and let himself get lead to that same spot, where your energy linked up and matched, and soon, you both were just failing limbs and panting open mouths as Joe was quick to push himself inside where he found you were more than ready for him, like you’d been waiting.

Which, yea, that checked out. You fucking had been.

“Oh, shit,” Joe groaned, and immediately had you moaning.

He’d missed those moans.

Not that he’d gone so long without, but you know. If Joe had things his way he’d hear those same noises at least twice, maybe three times a day.

There was nothing soft about how you were handling each other.

Nothing soft about how you were both treating this like a quickie that you wanted to pay off for yourself before it would pay off for the other.

You kind of forgot about the bet.

Which made sense.

Joe was breathing heavily beside your ear, letting his mouth graze over the shell of it, and if he wasn’t also jackhammering himself inches deep inside of you, just that would’ve sent you into overdrive.

It was silly how quick you felt yourself getting close.

The second you fully registered it, you panicked a little.

“Wait, no, no, stop, I’m–” you almost auto-piloted the staving off, like you had been doing for a while now, but Joe was quick to shush you.

“Want you,” he huffed, struggling as you tensed up under him. He wished that didn’t feel so nice. “Want you to come.”

“No, the... the...”

The bet. The deal. The game. You didn’t want to lose. Couldn’t lose. Joe was wrong. He had to know he was wrong. He–

You had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from crying. That was going to help no one right now.

But Joe saw, and in a wild turn of unexpected events, he turned into the one that begged.

“Stop,” Joe whispered, hips slowing down just a smidge. Just enough to get you right where he wanted to get you. Where he knew it’d be so easy to make you tip over fairly quickly.

“I got you, please. Please, come for me– want you to, ah, want you to feel good. You can come. It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m about to come, I wanna come together, please, you–”

You cut Joe off with a loud gasp that turned into louder moans you tried to swallow for fear of them turning into screams.

There it was.

You’d bent until you snapped.

Snapped right in half.

And, fuck, was it delicious.

If Joe’d had more decency, he would’ve maybe waited with his own orgasm. Would’ve maybe tried to make the moment all about you.

But Joe wasn’t a decent guy, was he? You felt how he came inside of you, body trembling on his forearms that pressed into the bed either side of you.

“That’s it, keep going. Come on, let go. Let it all out.” Joe cooed, like he wasn’t actively orgasming himself, using the softest of whispers directly into your ear as you uncontrollably convulsed and whined underneath him.

You’d never come so hard, you thought.

You’d also never burst into sobs right after an orgasm before.

“Hey, hey, hey, c’mere.” Joe was quick to pull out of you, dick still twitching as he sat back on his knees before pulling you up into him for a hug. You let yourself be dragged into a sitting position, immediately enveloped into both your boyfriend’s arms that squeezed you tight.

“It’s okay,” he said, voice slightly enthused with a light amount of loving ridicule. “What are you crying for, hey? You’re okay. You’re okay.”

And that was just the thing.

The release of everything you’d kept pent up inside had such an overwhelming effect that feeling just okay was more than enough to get you all up in your emotions.

And the fact that it made you feel silly and stupid and pathetic for it didn’t really help the case.

Joe let you cry like that for a minute, and just made sure to hold you close to his chest. Skin to skin. Sway side to side, all warm and safe, exactly where he wanted you. Where he’d gladly have you forever. Naked too, preferably. All vulnerable, just like this.

Perfect.

It took a long while before he felt you calm down and pull back a little, but when you eventually did, he moved back to take a good look at you. To really take you in.

You looked a right mess. Sort of embarrassed. Rosy, blotchy cheeks. Make-up smeared all over.

Perfect.

“Oh, you’ve got some,” Joe moved a finger up to move a sticky strand of hair from your face. “You’ve got some pretty here, hang on,” he joked, taking your warmed cheek into his hand. “Come here, I’ll get it.”

Joe had you giggling before you knew it, pressing little kisses to your cheek, jaw, chin and eventually getting you on the mouth where he kissed you one, two, three times.

Quick fourth time when he pulled back and saw how the embarrassment lingered on your features a little.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured when Joe give you the sweetest little pursed smile, which you immediately saw vanish upon hearing your apology.

“No,” he shook his head at you like you were a child.

You ignored it, wiping your face dry - or at least attempting it - with the back of your hand.

“For the dramatics.”

“No.” Joe stressed, taking over face-drying-duties with both of his hands, and you were so close to rolling your eyes at him.

You knew you were going to have to say it now.

Couldn’t wait for him to bring it up later because you’d knew he’d be a little shit about it.

There was no way he was going to mean about it now, and you’d best use that to your advantage.

“You were right,” you mumbled in your softest voice, just shy of a whisper, because these words didn’t need to be heard by the whole world. You looked at Joe through your eyelashes and gave him a small shy smile when you added, “Guess you won.”

And Joe fucking beamed at your words.

Had to bite his bottom lip into his mouth to stop from smiling so fucking hard.

For a moment you just looked at each other like that.

Twin smiles.

This was all he had wanted, Joe thought to himself, but then realised right in that moment that actually, he wasn’t right.

He wasn’t right at all.

And neither were you.

God, you were actually idiots.

You were both wrong.

So Joe scrunched up his nose all cute and shook his head a little when he said, “I’m afraid you’ve got it wrong.”

Your forehead twinged with confusion.

You couldn’t be wrong.

You couldn’t be wrong about being wrong.

What?

Had Joe not just held you through shaking sobs as you’d cried?

Had he not felt hot tears fall and run down his shoulders?

Joe’d held all the aces for weeks and was now trying to sell you the idea that he’d just been hanging onto a bunch of random cards. A four of spades and six of diamonds and… was he saying that you were right?

“Are you saying I’m right?” you asked, pouting through your confusion and, shut the fuck up, it was just about the most adorable shit Joe’d ever seen. Made saying this next part real easy.

“Yes. Well, partially. You’re partially right.”

You inhaled a sharp breath and waited for further confirmation of you being the smartest person to have ever graced Joe’s life with your presence.

“Crossing the finish line is not the most important part. You were right about that. It’s not.”

Joe paused for effect, and you narrowed your eyes in suspicion.

“The most important part of sex is not crossing the finish line...”

What Joe was going to say next would do good to make you like him more, rather than less.

“...but it’s making you cross the finish line.”

Oh. Shit. 

Yea, more.

More.

You liked him more.

So much more.

“Both wrong...” You said it just to hear it, and it sounded nicer than anything else could’ve done.

“Both wrong.” Joe confirmed with a nod, his smile still there.

No aces.

No winners.

All random cards.

All losers.

You let all of that sink in for a second, giving yourself a moment to process what that really meant, and then you were quick to grab Joe by the skull and pull him right back into you, not unlike you’d done before.

With Izzy out the door, Joe could prove his own conclusion right a couple times more, and you’d tell him he was right every time he’d do so.

Joe was right.

Had been right.

But the both of you being wrong was so much sweeter. Tasted so much nicer. Nothing sour, nothing rotten. Just sugary kisses and honeyed sounds of pleasure, flavours and colours and textures that he wished he could bottle up and keep for the rest of his life.

Joe was right, but you were both wrong, and somehow, someway, this was the best possible outcome either of you could’ve probably ever hoped for.

This stupid bet.

Both wrong.

Right. But both wrong.

---

The Taglisted

@alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @demonsanddemogorgons

@djoseph-quinn, @dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma-munson, @emotionaldreamer

@everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @gri959, @hanahkatexo

@hazelenys, @imjustjen14, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven

@kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @munsonluvrr

@munson-mjstan, @munsonssweets, @nadixq, @niallersfreckles, @notverywise

@pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @prettiestboyreid, @readergf, @royale1803

@skulliecadaver-blog, @sherrylyn0628, @shizlac, @solzi1420, @songforeddiemunson

@sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow

@witchwolflea, @yunirgo

add yourself

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

Orange Peel Theory’s Got Nothing on Magnus Bane

“This whole thing sounds stupid,” Alec rolls his eyes at his siblings.

“That’s the point. It’s stupid but cute,” Izzy explains.

He thinks for a moment. “And Jace passed?”

“Jace passed,” Izzy nods.

“And so did you.”

“Yes,” Izzy smiles.

He’s not surprised, both his siblings are gone for their partners.

Alec doesn’t think a stupid orange peel theory is the true test of love but alas, mundane culture rarely ever makes sense to him.

“Alright. I’ll try it,” he sighs at their childish excitement, “but if Magnus doesn’t peel it and I have to get a divorce; I’m blaming you two forever.”

Izzy and Jace chuckle at him. “Okay, bro.”

Alec forgets about the stupid thing for the next few days. They’re busy and Magnus and he barely get any time together.

Then Izzy texts him one day, “Did you try it?”

Children.

Magnus comes out of the kitchen, with coffee for the two of them in his hands. Alec lets out a hand and takes one cup.

His husband sits on one end of the couch, his legs spread on the table in front of them. Alec sidles up next to him, closing any distance.

“Hi,” Magnus exhales against his mouth.

Alec smiles before kissing him. “Hi, baby.”

They spend the day lounging on the couch, trading slow kisses and touches. It’s been a while since they have got the time.

The kids are with Izzy and Simon today.

Then Alec remembers the stupid thing and decides to try it. He excuses himself and goes to the kitchen.

Do they even have oranges? He wonders.

He glances around the kitchen and finds a bowl of fruits with a few oranges in them.

Thank fuck.

He picks one up and walks back to the living room.

Magnus has a book in his hand now and his legs are stretched out on the sofa. He picks up the man's legs and makes space for himself, putting them above his.

He plays with the orange for a few minutes before he speaks, “Baby?”

“Yes, love?” Magnus looks up.

“I don’t feel like peeling this. Could you peel this up for me?” He asks, nonchalantly.

Magnus glances at the object in his hand and gives him an easy smile. “Sure.”

He hurrays himself internally and is about to pass the orange to Magnus before his husband snaps his fingers and voila—he has a plate in his hands with oranges peeled out and separated, displayed in quite a decorative manner on the dish.

Well, shit.

Alec huffs out a breath, picks up a slice and eats it, grumpily.

Magnus puts the book aside and shifts on the couch until he’s lying with his head on Alec’s stomach. He brings his hand to Magnus’s hair and runs them through it gently.

Another half an hour passes before Magnus comments. “You didn’t eat the oranges.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, he has magic, so I can’t blame him,” he points out to his siblings who laugh at the incident.

“Why don’t you try again?”

Alec rolls his eyes, “I have better things to do, you know? Like running the Clave?”

“Come on, just one more time,” Jace insists.

“Fine,” he relents because even he wants to see how it goes.

It’s a few days later when the chance arises. The boys ran them ragged this morning, shouting and complaining, not liking anything Alec made for breakfast.

It was one of those mornings when nothing either of them did was getting the boys to settle down. So, they’d accepted defeat and magicked them some ice cream.

Ice cream cures everything in their house.

They’re exhausted by the time they get to have their breakfast. At this point, Alec doesn’t feel like eating much, also he’s running late.

“Darling, what would you like for breakfast?” Magnus murmurs against his neck, his body a strong line against Alec’s.

He hums before picking up an orange, “I don’t know. Just peel this for me,” and hands it over to Magnus and continues, “I need to leave. I’m not very hungry, right now.”

“Alexander,” Magnus says in an affronted tone, “You know, how I feel about skipping breakfast. Not in this house.”

His husband drags him over to the coffee table and snaps his fingers. There’s a small set-up there now. A plate of pancakes with a side of berries. Bacon and sunny side up.

“Eat,” Magnus chides before he can say anything.

He smiles, shaking his head in affection before he starts eating. Then, Magnus speaks, “Oh, wait. I forgot,” before a magically peeled orange appears in front of it.

Alec groans.

“What?” Magnus asks innocently.

“Nothing. Thank you.”

Alec tries a few variations of the thing but the result is all the same.

He can’t test the stupid theory, not that he needs to, but because it’s fun and with each failure, his desire to get it done right increases tenfold.

His siblings can’t win this.

He’s competitive, fuck him.

There was a demon attack today and Magnus and Alec, as psychotic as it sounds, decide to make a date out of it.

They help each other get prepared.

Well, mostly it was Magnus helping Alec ensure that all his eight hundred blades were in place.

“Do you think demons feel anything?” He asks his husband as they portal to the location.

The warlock thinks for a moment, “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Why?”

A mischievous grin appears on his face, “Well, if they did; they wouldn’t be able to concentrate while you looked like that.”

Magnus chuckles softly. “Flirt.”

They both reach home two hours later, taking their time between bantering and flirting while the three shadowhunters along with them groan at their blatant flirtation.

Not entirely exhausted, but the right amount of tired, both of them crash on the couch as they enter the loft. They’re met with two very excited boys, who immediately sober up a little seeing their tired states.

“You okay, Daddy?” “Bapak, are you tired?”

They hug the boys close and kiss their temples, letting them know they are well.

“Hungry?” Magnus asks.

“Starving.”

Then like an idiot, he asks the boys to bring an orange.

He flutters his eyes and hands it to Magnus.

“Peel,” it’s an order this time because Raziel, Magnus will know shit is up now.

“You just said you are starved. What is an orange gonna do?” Magnus raises an eyebrow.

“Just do it,” he whines.

“And they think I’m weird,” Magnus grumbles.

“Don’t use magic. You’re exhausted,” he warns.

Before he can pass off the orange to Magnus, Max comes running to him, snatching the orange. He snaps his fingers and there’s a plate in Alec’s hand again.

“Here, Daddy. I peeled it,” Max yells excitedly.

Internally, he groans like the biggest tragedy just occurred but outside, he can’t help but chuckle in response as he kisses Max on the cheek. “Thank you, baby.”

Fucking warlocks in his house.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The six of them are at the Tang Hotpot on a Saturday evening.

They switched Sunday brunch with Saturday hotpot for the day. Clary mentioned something about hotpot and Jace mentioned never having one and Magnus decided then and there, that it’s time to introduce the white assholes he hangs out with these days to culture.

“So, we put whatever we want to eat it inside this thing and it’ll cook?” Jace acts surprised.

Magnus rolls his eyes, knowing Jace likes to act like he doesn’t know anything about the mundane culture.

It’s always a 50-50 chance between Jace really not knowing something and him just fucking with everyone else.

“That is how cooking works,” Alec says sarcastically. “You cook what you want to eat and voila—“

“Not all of us have partners who can take us to any part of the world and have us taste world cuisine,” Jace grins.

“Clary can literally create portals,” Izzy points out.

There’s a large pot in the middle of the table, divided into two sections. One is the traditional broth while another is a spicier version of the broth with added garlic and spices.

Magnus prefers the spicier one.

Bowls of broth are placed next to the pot to be added as required. Next to them, platters of raw ingredients are present. There’s thinly sliced meat including beef, pork, lamb and chicken. Next to it is a plate filled with seafood—shrimp, and fish balls. Accompanied with it are noodles and dumplings of a variety.

And then there’s all the leafy vegetables.

The best part about a hotpot is that it is the only preparation with which the boys usually are okay eating vegetables. Most of it has to do with the fascination the cooking element of it brings but regardless, if his kids are eating vegetables, for whatever reason, Alec counts it as a win.

Magnus sits next to him, a hand dragging a random pattern on his thigh as Alec murmurs something against his ear, pulling a small grin out of the man.

“We are out in public. Stop with the obscenity,” Izzy grins.

Alec sticks out his tongue at her.

Years ago, Alec never thought it would be like this one day. He could never comprehend something like this.

An average Saturday dinner with his family and friends, as he sits next to the love of his life, his husband, Alec’s husband—like that very thought wouldn’t have made Alec throw his fists into a punching bag until they bled.

They’re waiting for the last of the preparations to arrive so they still have a few minutes. Alec looks up at Magnus and plants an unhurried kiss on his lips. When he pulls back, Magnus has the sweetest look on his face.

The food arrives so they all straighten up to get started.

Magnus picks up a few pieces of pork and dumps it in the broth.

“This one has improved,” Magnus teases as Alec pours some spicy broth into his bowl. “His white ass couldn’t deal with the spicier broth the first time we tried it.”

“Jokes on you. You married me,” Alec grins back.

“Oh wow,” Jace explains. “This is too good,” he adds before he chokes realising that he dipped his chicken too much into the chilli paste.

“Weak,” Clary chuckles.

“You try it,” Jace challenges her. Clary dips her shrimp into the chilli paste and pops it inside her mouth, all the while keeping eye contact with Jace.

She doesn’t flinch or cough at all.

“I am so attracted to you right now,” Jace comments.

Simon murmurs something against Izzy’s ear and she laughs, heartily before smacking his shoulder lightly.

This is good, he thinks.

Magnus nudges him and without even looking, Alec turns and opens his mouth as Magnus feeds him a bite of fish ball.

“Too sweet?”

He thinks for a moment before replying. “You could add some sesame oil.”

Magnus hums at that.

There are a few pieces of mushrooms in his broth which he doesn’t like at all. He picks them up and puts them on Magnus’s plate who rolls his eyes at him.

“Why do you take mushrooms if you never eat them?”

“I’m picking them out for you. The best mushrooms in the world for you,” he says in mock seriousness.

Magnus shakes his head in fond amusement before he picks up the plate of seafood and a few shrimps. He puts down his chopsticks and starts peeling the shrimp one by one.

When he is done, he transfers the plate to Alec who smiles at him. “Thanks, baby.”

It’s a fun night as they all relax after an exhausting few weeks.

“Alec, do you not know how to peel a shrimp or what?” Izzy comments.

Alec raises his head and frowns. “What?”

“Do you not know how to peel a shrimp?”

“I do.”

“Then why is Magnus doing it for you?”

Alec tilts his head to find Magnus peeling a few more shrimps and placing them on his plate.

“Umm, I like doing it for him,” Magnus adds nonchalantly.

Alec thinks for a moment. As long as he can recall, Magnus has been peeling shrimp for him.

He thinks about Izzy’s question and scoffs—of course, he knows how to peel a shrimp.

Then why doesn’t he do it himself?

“Magnus?”

“Yeah?” The warlock replies as he takes another bite of a dumpling.

“When did you start peeling the shrimps?”

Magnus raises his head at him in a quizzical manner. “Like twenty minutes ago?”

Alec huffs. “No, I meant like at all. When did you start?”

His husband frowns. “I don’t know. Maybe the first time we went out for a hotpot. You seemed confused by everything so I helped.”

The first time was almost five years ago.

“Okay,” he mumbles before he adds. He doesn’t know why but he can’t help but ask. “But why are you doing it still?”

Magnus gives him a small smile. “Because you like shrimps.”

He says it like it’s the simplest of things. And maybe it is.

He huffs out a laugh. “And you couldn’t peel those dammed oranges?”

The small smile turns into a huge grin as Magnus replies, “Well darling, you didn’t really like those oranges, now, did you?”

Alec breaks into laughter. “You knew?”

“After the first two times, yes. I had my doubts,” Magnus laughs.

“So all this while you knew?” Clary laughs. “You were just fucking with Alec.”

Magnus glances around the five of them. “I believe that I was playing all five of you and not just dear Alexander.”

“You are so annoying,” Alec comments, even though he’s laughing.

“I’m annoying?” Magnus teases. “You are the one who was testing my love through an orange.”

“And you failed,” Alec announces, feigning hurt. “My poor heart.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Should I stop peeling the shrimps too?” Magnus asks in amusement, and it’s entirely too enticing with a shrimp between his chopsticks.

Alec steals the chopsticks from Magnus’s hands and pops the piece inside his mouth. “Nope.”

They’re both home two hours later. Alec falls into the bed with Magnus on top of him, “Baby?”

“Yes, love?” Magnus runs his hands gently through his hair.

“You know what I realised?”

“What?”

Alec kisses Magnus’s nose before he speaks. “Some stupid peel theory has got nothing on you.”

——————————————————————————

For Anh @carelessflower 🌻🌈

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

Pls pls pls do pt 2 of the izzy fic 🙏🙏🙏

Warnings: Smut, I wrote this over a week so if you see anything that should be warned let me know bc I forget what I wrote

Part 1

After months of your sneaking around, bringing Izzy over, staying out for weeks at a time and staying with him, you weren't sure how much longer it could last.

Axl wasn't big on school or anything in Indiana, really. The second he got the chance he got up and left, taking you with him because there was no way he was leaving you with your parents.

Izzy came as well but got himself an apartment away from Axl, which worked out perfect for you.

You told Axl that you'd stay back home and let him handle working and such unless you absolutely had to get a job. Axl liked this arrangement because it meant he knew where you would be and he could keep you safe.

You were safe but he didn't know where you were and you were none too concerned with him not knowing you were in Izzy's arms while he rearranged your insides.

While Axl was busy, on the phone or off with some band, you'd go out for 'groceries' and walk down to Izzy's apartment.

The raven haired man would be waiting for you on the couch and when you entered the room a smile would spread across his face.

You'd come and sit next to him, he'd shower you with love, littering kisses all over your face while his hands roamed your body.

He'd pull you into his lap, his hands would slide up your shirt and grope your chest before he'd pull it off and kiss your collarbones. Your hands in his hair, tugging on it gently as his hands worked their way down to your pants, pulling on the waist band, sneaking in and rubbing your clothed clit.

But your little meetings never ventured far past heated making out. A few times he'd fingered you, making you a whiny mess on two digits pumping in and out of you, hitting a spongey spot you never knew of, but that was it.

Months passed with this being your little secret. Axl wasn't oblivious to your outings, question how you'd leave for groceries so frequently and come back with nothing. He knew something was up and he asked you about it but you played innocent and he wanted to believe you.

It was late and you'd snuck out, it was stupid and you did a terrible job at it but you were so needy. You just couldn't sleep and no matter what you did you just couldn't get off, nothing Izzy taught you to do was working, nothing was as good as him.

You needed him.

When you knocked on his front door he answered, lidded eyes and shirtless, his pants sagging and showing off his happy trail of dark hair. Again, when he saw you he smiled, but it was just as tired as he was.

"What are you doing here..?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. He didn't hesitate and kissed you back, pulling you into him. Tasting him only made you needier and you were moaning into the kiss.

A window shut loudly down the alley between the two buildings, both you and Izzy looked to the noise but didn't see anything. "Shit, come inside." He pulled you inside, keeping his eyes down the alley until he finally closed the window.

He sat you down on the couch, holding you in his lap. "What are you doing here?" He asked again, cupping your face in his hands, those same hands that had you seeing stars not long ago, the ones you remember tasting like you, how he'd lick your cum off of them afterwards.

"I couldn't do it." You mumbled, kissing him again and moving to straddle his lap.

You could tell he wasn't hesitant to stop the kiss but he pulled away. "Couldn't do what, darling?"

A pout pulled at your bottom lip and you could feel your eyes watering. "Anything..." You muttered. "Please, need you so bad." He had a sympathetic look on his face as he held yours, caressing your cheek with his thumb in a soothing motion.

"Aw, you couldn't get off?" You shook your head, moving closer to him and accidently rubbing against his thigh. You let out a soft gasp and your body moved on its own, grinding down on his thigh again and again.

Izzy chuckled lowly at your sad attempt. "Aw, you really couldn't do it? What about what I told you?" You shook your head, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. He held you close as he stood up and carried you to his bedroom.

He laid you down on his, quickly ridding you of your clothes. This was the first time you'd ever been completely naked in front of him, or anyone for that matter. The lights were off which helped you some, but Izzy still had his pants on as he hovered over you.

"We'll go slow, alright?" You nodded, finding comfort in his voice.

"Keep talking." You said softly. You weren't used to being this vulnerable, not even when that dude walked in on you both the first time. This was different.

Izzy kissed your cheeks, the tip of your nose, and kept trailing kisses down your neck between sweet words while he got his pants off. "Tell me if you want to stop." He said, you could feel his tip against your hole. "I mean it, alright? I'm not doing this if you're not comfortable."

"How could anyone be comfortable naked with someone?" You asked with a small smile.

"Don't worry," he said, "you get used to it, and one day we'll have a house and you'll be begging me to walk around naked." You laughed at his comment but it was cut off when he pushed into you. It was an unfamiliar stretch but a welcomed one. "You're so beautiful like this." He mused.

He kept whispering praise in your ear and littering your face in kisses but he wasn't moving. In hopes of encouraging him to move, and fulfil your needs, you rolled your hips and a sting shot through you.

"Don't do that." He muttered. "Let me do the work, you just sit pretty, alright?" You nodded, a pout on your lips. "Wait a minute so you get used to it" You nodded again and let him continue to shower you with love.

He slowly pulled his hips back and then pushed into you again, watching your reaction carefully. When he saw the look of pleasure spread over your features he did it again and again until he had a steady rhythm set.

The room filled with your soft moans mixed with his grunting and groaning. "Fuck, you feel so good." He'd say, smiling sweetly down at you.

"Faster." You hummed. "Please."

He shook his head. "Darling, take it easy, it's your first time and I want to make sure it's good." The thought was cute but you just couldn't take it, you came here for one thing and one thing alone.

"I've cum before, just do it, please." You couldn't help but at the 'please', a hint of begging already in your voice.

He leaned down, closer to your ear. "Tell me if you want to stop." He said and bit your earlobe. His hips moved faster, instead of rolling against you it was a snapping motion.

The new angle he was thrusting into you with had him hitting a spongey spot inside you that made you see stars. "Hah! Right there, right there!" You moaned out, much louder than you probably should've given the thin walls. In the moment you didn't care and just wanted more.

Izzy did as you asked and kept with that pace, hitting that same spot over and over again. You were already clenching around him, sucking him in deeper. "Fuck, Izzy! Izzy, m'close, m'so close!" Izzy was too focused on not hurting you and putting your pleasure and comfort over everything else to respond.

All he wanted was to close his eyes and fuck you like you deserved, to call you a whore and degrade you so he could watch you cry. All he wanted was to hold you close and make sure no one ever hurt you, the thought of you crying because of anyone made him inexplicably angry, never mind if it was his own doing.

"So pretty, taking all of me like-" a dirty slut, he thought, "that." He grunted, barely censoring himself. He didn't want to admit it but he was getting close himself, it had been so long since he'd been with someone like this and it was hard to contain himself. "Fuck, gonna make me cum, darling."

You could feel that knot that stuck in your gut the past few hours coming undone. Whines and whimpers left you like a second language, spewing out of you as Izzy went impossibly faster.

Finally, your breath hitched and your eyes rolled back as you came around him. Izzy pulled out and finished himself off, cum spurting onto your stomach and chest.

He kissed your cheek and forehead as he fell onto the bed beside you. "Fuck," he breathed, "should've done that sooner."

You looked up at him, shifting closer. "Why didn't you?"

Izzy laughed. "I thought Axl would kill me."

Just then there was a loud banging on his front door. "Izzy! Izzy, get your ass out here!" Axl yelled.

"Fucking Duff." Izzy grumbled as he got out of bed. He through on his pants and headed to the door.

You followed shortly after, pulling one of Izzy's shirts on.

Axl was going off on Izzy for tainting you or something, for lying to him about everything, and when he saw you he stomped in and took you by the wrist. "Come on, we're leaving." He paused just outside. "And you!" He said. "You are not going near him again, understood?"

You glanced back at Izzy and shook your head. "No, I don't see what's wrong." You said simply.

"Are you kidding?" Axl demanded.

"You like Izzy, I like Izzy a little more-"

"Only a little?" Izzy teased. You shot him a look.

You looked back to Axl. "Why does it matter? You know he's not gonna do anything bad, if anything this should be better for you."

Axl chewed his cheek and let go of your wrist. "Fine." He said. "But, I swear, if you do anything-!" You waved your hand in his face and walked back to Izzy, wrapping your arms around him. Axl groaned and left.

Izzy picked you up, letting you wrap yourself around him like a koala as he carried you back to bed.

[mamaestapa]

Team Dinner Disaster

• pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

• series summary: Y/n Hubbard, the younger sister of Cincinnati Bengals Defensive End Sam Hubbard, finds herself in a difficult situation after a steamy hookup with her brothers best friend, who just so happens to be the quarterback for the Bengals. In just nine months their lives will be changed forever. How will Y/n and Joe manage to to go through parenthood together? more so, how will Sam take the news he is going to be the uncle of his best friends baby?

• chapter summary: The Bengals team dinner turns into a complete disaster after an encounter Joe has at the restaurant

• word count: 2.8k

• warnings: pregnancy, vomiting, angst, lots of angst, crying, mentions of cheating, Joe gets mad and v upset, get the tissues ready babes...

series masterlist

June 26, 2023

6 months pregnant

You were laughing along with Morgan and Holly as Tee told a story about his bar experience from a couple nights ago. As you were attentive to the story Tee was telling about a fan encounter, Joe was dealing with his own fan encounter...

"Excuse me." An unfamiliar feminine raspy voice spoke from beside you. You glanced in the direction of the voice, eyebrows furrowing as you looked at the source of this new voice. A tall woman with wavy copper red hair, bleach blonde highlights and blue doe eyes approached Joe with a soft smile on her plump red lips. You figured it was just a fan so you turned your attention back to the group you were conversing with before.

Joe turned his head to the left to look at the woman who looked to be in her early twenties. A half smile half smirk pulled at his lips as he looked at her.

"Hi Joe," she said, flashing him her best smile, "I don't know if you remember me, it's Izzy."

"Yeah I remember, we talked on the phone last week about the..." Joe glanced over in your direction, careful not to say his next words too loudly, "uh arrangement."

Your head perked up at a few of the words you picked up through your left ear: Izzy and arrangement.

Who's Izzy and what is this arrangement?

You eyed the two carefully, half listening to the conversation you were having with your friends and half listening to Joe's interaction. Izzy smiled as she placed a hand on Joe's shoulder, her infectious laughter filling your ear. You turned to look at the interaction your boyfriend and this Izzy girl were having. You couldn't help but feel a little jealous at the hand placement and the smiles on their faces as they spoke.

It almost seemed like they had some sort of history together...

"You never called me back." Izzy said, voice laced with slight disappointment as she spoke, "I get you're busy but, I need to know if this will work Joe."

Joe nodded in response, "I know and we will, but," he glanced around the table full of his teammates and friends before bringing his face closer to Izzy's, "Can we talk about this later? I don't want Y/n to know."

You felt your heart drop to your stomach at the mention of your name. The conversation you were having was now long forgotten as you gave your full attention to Joe. You turned towards him, folding your arms over your chest and letting them rest on your belly as you looked at him.

The red head, Izzy, made eye contact with you as she spoke, "Sure sweetie. Don't forget to send me the details." Joe nodded at her words as he spoke, "I'll send them to you tonight so you'll be prepared. Thanks Iz."

Prepared for what? You didn't know exactly, but you'd make it your mission to find out and get to the bottom of it. Izzy smiled at you, saying a soft hello and congratulations before she sauntered away from the table. Your lips parted as you just watched her walk away from Joe like nothing happened. Your thoughts were running wild, all of them going to the worst possible case scenario. There was no reasoning with yourself on this one.

Joe was cheating on you. He had to be.

You looked at Joe with an expression full of hurt and confusion. How could he do this to you? How could he do this to your little family? You just got back on good terms with Sam and now you have to deal with this.

"Joe?" You squeaked out softly, making your boyfriend turn around to look at you. His face filled with worry as he looked at you. Joe took in your hurt expression, teary eyes, and flushed cheeks. You looked like you'd just seen a ghost and were about .2 seconds away from a breakdown.

"Y/n," he said softly, tone growing worried, "what's wrong?"

You were fine just a few minutes ago. You were upbeat, happy, laughing with Tee and seeming to enjoy the team dinner. Right now, your whole demeanor took a full 180. Joe figured it was just the hormones making you feel this way, after all you have been having some mood swings lately.

You scoffed at your boyfriends obliviousness, "What's wrong?" You shook your head, "You're seriously asking me what's wrong?"

It's definitely not mood swings.

Joe parted his lips as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Y/n, baby I don't know what's going on but-."

"Was I not enough for you?" You asked, voice full of hurt. You placed your hands on your bump as you looked directly into Joe's confused blues, "Were we not enough for you?"

"I-" Joe stuttered, "I don't know what you're talking about? Of course you are. Both of you are."

You wiped a tear away as you sniffled softly, trying to compose yourself and not make a scene in the restaurant. You were feeling so many different emotions and it was a matter of time before they all came pouring out.

"Then who the hell is Izzy? What kind of arrangement do you have with her Joe, hmm?" Joe's face fell at your words. Now he looked like one that had just seen a ghost. "Y/n, you weren't supposed to hear that."

"Yeah I figured." You said, voice cracking with emotion as you tried to sound bitter. Joe's Adams apple bobbed as he gulped. His mind was going crazy with thoughts on he was going to explain this to you. He knows what it looks like to you.

"Was I ever going to find out or were you going to keep sneaking around behind my back?"

The hurt in your voice and the distraught look on your face had Joe's heart breaking. He stayed silent. He couldn't find the right words to explain himself, at least not in the middle of team dinner. You shook your head in disbelief at his silence. You stood up from the table and gathered your things. You walked away from the group, leaving a few of your friends and Joe's teammates stunned as they saw the tears rolling down your cheeks. That's all the confirmation you needed.

You choked out a sob as you jogged out of the restaurant, ignoring the looks from the concerned hostess and couple waiting tone seated. You pushed open the doors of the restaurant and stood by the entrance, chest heaving as tears rolled uncontrollably down your cheeks. You knew you looked crazy, insane even. But you had no control over your emotions right now--none at all.

You were feeling absolutely gutted. You were certain that Joe was cheating on you. Why else would some random, hot, model like twenty something year old approach Joe about a certain arrangement in public? He had to be cheating.

Your chest heaved up and down as you choked out painful sobs. The tears poured down your cheeks as cried into your hands. Each time your thoughts wandered to Joe your sobs grew harsher, almost to the point where you felt sick.

This almost hurt worse than the drama with Sam.

As you continued to cry and let out all of your emotions, you started to feel sick. Extremely sick to your stomach. The sudden wave of nausea crept up your throat and your mouth filled with saliva. Before you knew it, you were hunched over and throwing up all the content of your stomach. You grabbed your hair pulling it back as your chest heaved. Suddenly, you felt a hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as they shushed you softly. The touch was so gentle, almost like if it was any harder it would shatter you into a thousand pieces. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, letting out a soft sniffle as you did so. You wiped your cheeks and turned to see whose hand was on your shoulder. Your heart dropped and you let out a pained cry as you saw who it was.

Joe.

"Don't touch me," you cried out, pulling away from his touch, "Please."

Joe pulled his hand back, a deep frown was on his face as he looked at you. You never pulled away from his touch no matter how upset you were with him. He must have really fucked up.

"Y/n," he said softly, "it's not what you think-."

"Then what is it, Joe." You seethed, turning around to face your boyfriend. You wiped the tears off your cheeks as you looked at him with a look full of sadness and a hint of disgust. "What could it possibly be if it's not what I think."

Your emotions were running wild. Pregnancy hormones really show no mercy.

Joe let out a sigh as he ran his hands down his face, "I," he hesitated, "I can't tell you."

You scoffed as more tears welled in your eyes. Why can't he say?

"If you're cheating on me, please tell me now." You looked into his eyes, a tear rolling down your cheek as you continued, "Because I don't want to find out through a gossip site that you got another girl pregnant. Was one not enough for you?"

Ouch. Joe couldn't deny it, that one hurt.

"Y/n," Joe pleaded as another sigh escaped his lips, "I'm not cheating on you." He said desperately, trying to reach out for you.

You shook your head, turning away from him once again. Your chest heaved as your sobs picked up again. Joe's heart broke as he watched the woman he loved more than anything in the world. The woman carrying his baby boy that he already loved more than life itself. Break down into shambles all because of him and some stupid surprise he was trying to plan for you.

"Sweetheart," Joe said softly, "please look at me." The crack in his voice made you reluctantly look at him again. Joe's blue eyes were watery as he looked at you wearing a guilty expression. Once you locked eyes with Joe, he continued speaking.

"I would never cheat on you. I would never do that to you or peanut. Ever."

The mention of your unborn baby's nickname made you place your hands on your six month baby bump. The little boy moved wildly inside of you, clearly sensing your emotional turmoil. You whispered a soft "I'm sorry" down to your protruding belly, knowing your son was probably starting to become just as distressed as you were. You sniffed a coupled times as you just listened to Joe's soft pleas for you to listen to him.

"Y/n please," he pleaded as a tear rolled down his cheek, "you have to believe me. You know I'd never do that to you."

You closed your eyes tightly at his words. You wanted to believe him, you really did. But something just seemed off to you. Yes he denied that he was cheating, but he wouldn't tell you what was actually going on. You shook your head at his pleading, more tears falling from your eyes as you looked at him again. Your heart broke at the sight in front of you. Joe looked absolutely distraught. Lost. Worried. Heartbroken.

"I guess we'll find out how true that is." You said, your eyes showing off every bit of emotion you were feeling. Joe furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he wiped away his tears, "What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't have this conversation right now Joe. I mean I don't know that I believe you."

Joe's breath hitched in the back of his throat at your words. Your confession absolutely gutted him. How could you believe he'd actually cheat on you? After everything you've been through, all you've done for each other, how could you even doubt your relationship?

"Y/n," Joe said softly, his voice wavering, "we have to talk about this."

You shook your head, sniffling as you spoke just above a whisper, "I can't. Not right now."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't have your parents think that everything is fine between us tomorrow when it's really not. We take about this here, right now, I don't think I'll make that trip." You explained, your voice wavering as you spoke.

Joe gulped as he watched you try to gather yourself before speaking again, "So I'd rather wait to have this conversation somewhere else because I don't think I can handle any more right now."

Between your raging hormones and your heightened emotions, anymore talk about the current situation was only going to make things worse and cloud your judgment even more.

You needed a few days.

Joe's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach at the mention of his parents. His parents. Joe totally forgot that the two of you were traveling to Athens tomorrow morning to stay with his family for a few days before heading to California for his off-season training.

How was he going to explain all of this and pretend everything was fine between the two of you to his parents?

"We can't have this talk at my parents." Joe said shaking his head, "I don't want them to know about this?"

"Why because it's true?" You seethed, snapping at Joe and making him step away from you. Joe shook his head at you. His jaw clenched as he gazed at you.

"There's just no reasoning with you is there?" Joe snapped, his tone matching yours. He continued to speak harshly, "You convince yourself shit is true so it must be true then, right? And that's not all. You refuse to hear anyone out, ever. That is why we get caught up in shit like this Y/n."

Tears welled up in your eyes again at Joe's words. You choked out a sob as you took his words to heart. Ouch.

"Fuck you, Joe." you said, voice cracking with emotion, "I'm done." You slowly started to back away from him as you spoke, "I'm going home with Emma and Sam. You can pick me up there tomorrow on your way through. I can't even look at you right now."

Joe scoffed at you as he shook his head. The air grew tense between you the longer you stood in each others presence.

"Fine by me." Was all he uttered to you. You shook your head in disbelief as the tears threatened to fall from your eyes once again. Both of your hearts were breaking from this conversation, but you knew spending the night away from each other was best.

What a complete disaster of a team dinner.

hi loves!!

see, i told you it was an angsty one. everyone say thank you anaheim ducks😚 (that damn jamie drysdale trade had me in shambles for days)

what do we think? is joe innocent and is y/n just overreacting? or is something going on…

it feels like forever since i’ve updated this lol. i need to get back on the daddy issues grind…ive been slacking very bad and i apologize. i need to start making it a goal to have this series updated at least once a week again!

i hope you’re all still interested in this series! i promise the angst is almost over, there’s so much fluff coming in the near future. you’ll be in your dad joe feels when those chapters come out, trust me ;)

as always, thank you for all the love and support you all continue to show me on my work and just in general! you are all so amazing and you mean so much to me. i love you all!🫂🤍

tags: @dandelionwrites8 @joeburreauxsworld @theflawedwriter @mrsshiesty @ann288 @ijustcrypretty @theoneandonlyfanz @wickedfun9 @venus-b @hummusxx @stainednailpolishremover @a-moment-captured @alternativemadchen @erinmartin1987 @kkrenae @unhingedfangirl @sublimemusic-rebel @meameagirl @ilovejoeburroww @hallecarey1 @j-worlds-blog @blinkloverx3 @jordyn14 @kristencochefski1125 @ryiamarie @unsaidjaelinrose @sinners-98-world @ozwriterchick @hornyforherbert @fangirl-madz @fantasywritersstuff @jackharloww @bernelflo @austinswhitewolf @emherb10

[celaenaeiln]

Bruce: *sees a motorcade come up on his right* *ignores*

Timmy in the back eying the group suspiciously: ….

*tapping on glass*

Dick: B, there’s someone tapping on my side.

Bruce: Don’t roll the window down they could be-

Dick: *already rolling the window down* *GASP* ROMMEY?! ROMMEY! ROMMEY!!

A 45 yr old grizzled man with a smoker’s voice, nicknamed Rommey by Dick: heya Dickie, how it’s going kiddo.

Dick: ROMMEY IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

Another motorbiker with a full claw scar down his face: what about the rest of us, kid? Forget about us?

Dick: MANES! DERRICKA! IZZY!!

Derrick-I take down mercenaries for fun but let a kid I like call me DERRICKA-Rolan: You little shit, why’d we not hear from you after you fucked off to neverland huh?!

Isabella-what? Someone went missing? I had nothing to do with it, it’s total coincidence that I hated him-Hodges: Maybe he doesn’t like us, Der. That right, Dickie?

Dick: *flabbergasted* No!! It’s a long story! After I left I ran out of gas and then some girl crashed into my bike and sent it flying off the cliff but I dove off it first and then I had to walk to the nearest motel on bare feet because I gave her my shoes and then I met this half bear half man and I’ll be pleased to tell you that it was a beary bearable encounter once he got his bearings hahahahaha- *progressively climbing out of the car as the story goes on*

Bruce: Dick! Get back in the car! *having one hand on the steering wheel and grabbing the back of his shirt with the other to keep his wayward son from falling out*

Dick: Wait- *accidently twisting too far and nearly braining himself on the speeding asphalt*

Rommey: DICK!

Bruce: DICK!

Rommey, Derricka, Izzy, and Manes: *grabbing the front half to prevent Dick from becoming like two-face*

Bruce: *letting go of the wheel to grab Dick’s bottom half for the same reason*

Tim: *high pitched screaming from the back* DICK! Tₕₑ Wₕₑₑₗ! ₜₕₑ Wₕₑₑₗ!!!

Bruce: *struggling to pull his son in while the motorcade struggles to pull him out to sit on a bike thus leading to Dick hanging in limbo out the window of a car going 80mph on a freeway* GRAB THE WHEEL TIM

Tim: *sacrificing a few ribs on the edge of the front car seat* IM TRYING! I CANT REACH THE CRUISE CONTROL AND DONT LEAN BACK AND OH MY GOD SIGN POST! SIGN POST! THE POST! THE POSSSTTTTT!!!

Dick, Bruce, Tim, and motorcade: *furious screaming and shouting and panicking*

*2 hours later*

*Arriving at the manor*

Jason: damn what happened to you lot, you look like you went through hell and back.

Bruce and Tim: *drained, pale-faced, messy, sweating, and heaving*

Dick: *a curl of hair falling elegantly into his shining eyes* I just had the time of my life, Jay!

Jason who is well acquainted with Dick’s “Time of the life”s: ah. My condolences.

Tim: Never again. *flopping on the ground and cater-pilling his way up the stairs*

Damian: Father, this is such disgraceful attire! Fix yourself at once, mother would be embarrassed by such a visage! What in holy reincarnation have you been doing?!

Bruce: Never again, Dick.

Dick: it’s nothing Dami, they were just helping me.

Damian: Father, I am ashamed of you. Why must you devolve to such a state when you assist Grayson, he is perfectly capable of extraordinary feats without your input. I suggest you refrain from interfering with his success again.

Bruce:

Bruce: Damian, you-

Dick: Bruce. *smiling pleasantly*

Jason: *immediately sneaking off*

Bruce’s life momentarily flashing before his eyes: …..nothing. Go finish your homework. *trudging off to whine to Alfred about how no one’s gonna believe him*

Dick: *sincerely* what a great day! 😊

[stizzysupremacy]

ahhh I have such a good idea for a secret reverse sugar baby modern AU. it's sprizzy in my head but I think you could substitute other Izzy ships with only minor changes to details.

So basically the premise is that Ed left and took with him half the income that was propping up Izzy's tight budget. now that Izzy has to cover rent and bills in full instead of just half, he is struggling financially. He really can’t afford to live, honestly. But he's a proud man so he tries to hide it. Tries to tough it out and make it work.

But Lucius (or whoever you fancy) notices and tries to help without making it obvious he is helping because Izzy probably won’t accept help, especially from Lucius, off all people.

Lucius, trying to be subtle, starts:

-timing his smoke breaks so he can run into Izzy and annoy Izzy into ‘stealing’ the cigarette right out of Lucius’s mouth. because Izzy won’t ask to bum one, and helping izzy hands avoid nicotine withdrawal is basically a public service. Lucius is a hero for that.

-“ugh, I told them no pickles! Here, eat this stupid sandwich, I don’t want it anymore, I loathe pickles!” (Lucius likes pickles just fine) or getting ‘just sooooo full’ from drinking elaborate iced coffees that he can’t possibly finish more than half of his lunch and he doesn’t want to waste food but he’s going out straight after work and won’t be able to bring it home to put in the fridge for tomorrow and really you may as well eat it, Izzy, or it’s just going to sit in the trash bin stinking up the whole place.

-asking Izzy to walk him to the tube station after work ‘for safety’ but it’s really so Lucius can swipe an extra ride for Izzy on his transit card. sometimes when it’s cold and miserable enough to make Izzy ache Lucius will opt for cab or rideshare instead as soon as they hit the street, insisting it will be cheaper to split the ride. always drops Izzy off first, conveniently forgetting to split the fare

-buying izzy a cozy cashmere scarf and claiming that it was Buy One Get One Free when Lucius was scarf shopping for himself, but he didn’t see any other colors/patterns he liked and this one just screamed Izzy Hands. (And maybe a knit cap that Lucius claims he stole from the lost and found because it coordinates with the scarf so well)

-begging Izzy to come over and ‘fix’ something ‘broken’ at his place, conveniently near dinner time, just so Izzy can spend a few hours somewhere where the heat and lights aren’t turned way down low to save on utilities. Somewhere warm and bright, where the WiFi service hasn’t been turned off because of all the past due bills.

-constantly starting bets that Izzy can win. This backfires when Izzy starts to feel bad about taking Lucius’ money because he thinks Lucius is a typical starving artist type. Not knowing that Lucius makes $$$$ on furry art commissions and just doesn’t tell anyone about it because his friends, much as he loves them, have zero moderation and would cajole Lucius into partying all his savings away.

And all the while he is being sneakily generous, Lucius is trying to figure out how to trick Izzy into letting Lucius buy him a new winter wardrobe, treat him to lunch every day, and buy back the motorcycle Izzy had to pawn to pay off some debts Ed left when he blew town.

[o-wild-west-wind]

okay, here’s my actual thoughtful post: I get why people are upset about the finale…I really do. but I want to mention that there’s a bigger picture to this story that’s missing if you’re zooming too close onto Izzy as a character, and I’m honestly so grateful that the show stuck to the thematic arc it introduced in season 1 because, as per usual, it’s about the themes 🤌 and this show never skimps on the symbolism!!

so here’s the thing: the primary themes are toxic masculinity (& it’s opposite, queer joy); trauma; love as a healing force for the above; and, title alert—DEATH. because it’s so much more than a cool title!

now, Izzy has always represented something metaphorical about all of these points; most directly, he’s always represented masculinity, and s2 has been an arc of toxicity deconstruction. but crucially, he’s also represented all that for Ed, who is the deuteragonist of this show. because—don’t forget—Stede and Ed are the show.

I’ve always doubted myself for feeling this after seeing how fandom saw Izzy as a third romantic figure (which like by all means have a blast in your fanfics I don’t care it’s about joy at the end of the day and pursue that as you want to), but after hearing something about djenks referring to Izzy as a father figure, it confirms a major point for me—Izzy is also in a lot of ways a parallel to Ed’s dad, and a representation of the trauma and guilt Ed felt from that formative killing. for so long, Izzy was an aggressive shadow in Ed’s life, and a tangible reminder of those daddy issues—someone telling him what to do, keeping him Blackbeard—and the beautiful thing is how that changed this season, how Izzy became a version of masculinity that could love and be beautiful and make good from the hurt, the literal poison into positivity. someone antithetical to his own paternalistic force, healing our daddy issues one drag show at a time. BUT, Izzy is still thematically representative within Ed’s arc—and by also representing the trauma that made Ed “Blackbeard,” it does make smart writing sense as to why Izzy died (NOT saying you can’t be sad about it—stick with me for a moment).

because here’s the thing—as aforementioned, this show is also about DEATH. killing is the root of everyone’s trauma, and reconciling a relationship with death is the ultimate arc Ed and Stede are both on, with the ultimate path of learning to live despite its inevitability. there’s a reason it was such a huge thing that Ed couldn’t personally kill, and then in this episode killed so many people with his bare hands in the name of love—and there’s a reason that was framed as a good thing. and there’s also Ed’s (and arguably Stede’s) active suicidality, which has been a huge force driving this season. these are characters who see death as this all-consuming thing, and they see their own deaths as the only solution. death is the traumatic force driving almost everything about their being for so long—and its reconciliation is everything for them, the greatest sign of growth. so Izzy’s death, and everyone beginning again with love—healing each other with love—is a cap to it all. it’s death as a positive force, for once. it’s death as love, not trauma. it’s death as something that will always happen, but this time not forced by your own hand. it’s a death to everything toxic, to what “Blackbeard” represented, and all the while a sort of rebirth. it’s kind of a death to…death? it’s functionally like the real physical moon replacing the giant romantic imaginary orb: it’s taking the thing that’s been artificially morphed in Stede and Ed’s heads and making it real this time, with all the bittersweet emotions that come with tangible reality.

and honestly, I’m glad that it was tragic and emotional. I didn’t think I’d be so devastated to see Izzy die, but it really did get to me, especially because of everything he said to Ricky and then to Ed. but think of it this way: Izzy and Ed might be romantically compelling because they were toxic and charged (and I hope people still enjoy everything they get from that dynamic in fan work), but imagine if the show had actually gone in that direction—where would it take us thematically? it would kill the thesis; it would be love as chaos and entertainment, but not healing. instead, this show gave us something so much more powerful: a legitimate, fully-fleshed trauma arc.

trauma hurts. Izzy’s death hurts. but that’s okay. that’s great, actually! it means the storytelling was effective—that Izzy’s arc made you feel something. and i know this won’t be every viewer’s experience, but honestly? I’m glad I can have this grieving process in such a beautifully framed light in the safe space ship of this show, because let’s be real—death, real life death, fucks you up. and let me tell you, I could’ve used this show during so many episodes of grief in my life. but here it is now, reminding us that our grief and trauma doesn’t define us—and WHAT a powerful thing for queer love, especially, to be presented as the thing that heals us all. ESPECIALLY when so much grief and death in this community is woven so deeply with the trauma of our identity.

so grieve as you need to, but don’t forget to turn the poison into positivity 💛 because that’s what the show is telling us—choose live, despite!

[hearts-hunger]

evergreen — part one

Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Cabin Fever Masterlist | Join my taglist here!

Series Summary: Jake takes you on your first vacation to the cabin the gang stays at every year. When memories of past relationships loom heavy, will this vacation send cracks through the foundation of safety and trust you have in each other?

Chapter Summary: Jake picks the worst room possible to share with you.

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Josh x Baby, Sam x Danny | Genre: fluff, angst, emotional h/c | Word Count: 3.5k | Warnings: drinking, sexual innuendo, mentions of infidelity

A/N: Hi it's me again with another Cabin Fever fic :)) I've had this one bouncing around the ol' noodle for a while now, and I'm finally trying my hand at it. It's a direct sequel to Cabin Fever and No Strings Attached, set about a year after No Strings. I don't know how many chapters it's going to have, but I hope you like this first one! ♡

“God, am I glad we decided to drive together. No way the boys would have let us stop for drinks so many times.”

You looked over at your best friend and smiled, cradling the peppermint mocha you’d gotten at the last Starbucks you'd come to before you truly left civilization. She was holding a latte in one hand and steering Josh’s jeep with the other, humming along to the playlist you'd put on.

“You don’t think we could have convinced them?” you asked. “We do have some feminine charm at our disposal.”

She grinned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. And since Danny’s driving, and he can't say no to either one of us, we probably could have gotten away with it.”

You propped your feet up on the dashboard, enjoying the scenery of the winding road through the woods as she drove. You were headed to the infamous cabin you’d heard so much about, the one they’d vacationed in each fall for the past two years. It would be your first time there — you and Jake had started dating a few months after they went last time, and you were looking forward to being a part of the friendship lore the trip held now that you were a part of the family.

Baby gestured to her bag in the back. “Grab my notebook out of there,” she said. “It’s got a list of things I want us to do this week. Look it over and add stuff that I missed.”

You did as she said, perusing her neat handwriting and seeing things like make breakfast together and have a movie marathon. At the top, with a little smiley face by it, was a neatly penned item reading break the bed.

You laughed. “Ah, I see where your priorities are.”

She glanced over at the list and gave you a smirk. “It’s tradition. Nobody bats an eye about it. I can guarantee you it’s high on Jake’s list too.”

You felt a dull blush creep up your neck at that. It was no secret that you and Jake were intimate, but there was something about this trip that made you a little nervous, perhaps foolishly so. The last time they’d all come, Jake had brought his ex, Izzy, with him. That had been before she cheated on him and he broke up with her, but they’d no doubt broken the bed that trip when everything had seemed fine between them.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m coming?” you asked.

She waved you off. “Of course. Don't even ask. You’re in the Kiszka-Wagner clan now, sparrow, and it wouldn't be a family vacation without you.”

You wondered briefly if she’d said the same to Izzy last year. Of course she would have been kind to Jake’s then-girlfriend, but you wished that you'd gotten to be the first girl Jake brought to the cabin.

She looked over at you and smiled. “I’m really glad you’re coming. I would be bored to death if it was just me and the boys.”

“I don't know,” you teased. “Judging by this list, you’d have kept busy.”

She laughed. “Well, maybe. But I want to spend time with you, just as much as I want to spend time with the guys doing whatever they can cook up.”

You smiled, deciding to forget your worry and just enjoy the trip. “Speaking of,” you said, “we should add that cooking show competition thing to the list.”

“Oh, yeah!” she agreed. “Write that down. We're definitely doing that.”

You penciled it in where you could find space, and the two of you spent the last few minutes of your trip coming up with ideas for things you could do over the week. Songwriting was the most important to the boys; Baby said they usually took a lot of time to work on new songs when they had the time and leisure to play around with them in a low-pressure environment. 

“Lunch has got to be the first thing we do, though,” she said. “I'm starving.”

“Me too,” you said dramatically. “Should I text the guys and ask them to throw a pizza in the oven or something?”

She turned onto a long dirt road. “Maybe we got lucky and they already did,” she said. “Because.... ta-da! We're here!” She pulled into dirt driveway that led up to a big, snug-looking cabin nestled into the trees. Josh and Sam were unpacking Danny’s truck, and you parked next to them.

“Well well well,” Josh teased, giving his girlfriend a quick kiss hello. “Look who finally showed up.”

“Had to get coffee, honey,” she insisted. Josh opened the back of his jeep and started pulling out your bags. “We can do that, though. You guys just unloaded all your stuff.”

“Don't worry about it,” he said sweetly. “Come on inside. Danny's got lunch going.”

“Oh, thank god,” she sighed. She followed Josh as he took her bags inside, and you stood by the jeep, a little shy about walking in by yourself, wondering where Jake was.

Before you could start feeling too lonely, you were swept up in a bear hug from behind. You squeaked in protest as your feet left the ground, giggling when you realized who it was.

“Just me, sparrow,” Jake teased, setting you back down and kissing your cheek. “Not a wild animal, I promise.”

You smiled, feeling much more at ease now that you were with him. “How was I supposed to know? All the way out here in the woods, anything could happen.”

“Nah, I gotcha. No bear attacks for my best girl, if I can help it.” He took your bags from the trunk. “You ready for the grand tour?”

You took his arm when he extended it to you in a very gentlemanly fashion. “Lead the way, Mr. Kiszka.”

He showed you inside the cabin, pointing out the kitchen, the living room, and the back porch.

“Basement’s down there,” he said, walking you past another door on your way to the bedrooms. “We’ll get that set up after lunch so we can work on some music later.”

The cabin was cosy and rustic, the perfect place for a getaway with your best friends and your boyfriend. You hugged his arm as he led you down the hall, and he showed you the bunk room and three other bedrooms, each with a single, big bed.

He ushered you into the last bedroom and started unpacking your bags, putting your clothes neatly in the dresser drawers next to his things.

“You don’t have to do that,” you said, a little guilty. 

“It’s no trouble, sweetheart.” He finished and nudged the drawer closed with his hip. “How do you like our room?”

“It’s lovely,” you said sincerely. The king sized bed was spread with colorful quilts and pillows, and it reminded you a little of the cabin you’d shared when you got together. You scooched close to him. “It’s romantic.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you like it. Anywhere would be romantic with you, but I like it too. I staked my claim on this room last year, mostly because it’s the darkest, and you know how I get about sleeping with any lights on.”

Your heart sank a little, any amorous thoughts dissolving as quickly as they’d come. So this was the room he’d shared with Izzy the last time he was here? You knew it shouldn’t bother you, but you’d be lying if you said it didn't.

“Oh,” you said, not sure what you should say. 

He read your discomfort. “What’s wrong? You don't like it?”

You shook your head and tried for a smile. Obviously it didn’t bother him, and you didn’t want to cause trouble your first five minutes there. 

“No, it’s great,” you said. “I love it. You have very good taste.”

He kissed you. “I know,” he said pleasantly. He took your hand. “Come on. Let’s see what everybody else is doing.”

They were in the kitchen making lunch, chattering on about memories the cabin held for them, and you felt the weight of your discomfort a little more sharply. You didn’t know any of these inside jokes, nor the antics that had gone on here at the cabin; you tried to remind yourself that you’d make plenty of memories with them this week and tried not to let it bother you.

After lunch, you all made your way down to the basement, where you helped get things set up to the boys’ satisfaction. Christmas lights were strung overhead, amps and instruments set up, comfy couches and chairs rearranged.

“Hey, do you think you can teach me some new stuff this week?” you asked, venturing over to where Jake was taking his guitar out of its case. You weren’t the best at guitar, but Jake was always patient with you, and under his kind direction you’d improved more than you’d ever hoped you could.

He smiled. “Sure, honey. I’d like to.” He nodded towards Sam and Danny. “I think your boys are trying to rope us into a hike right now, though.”

“We just got here,” you said, amused.

“You know Sammy,” Jake said. “Always looking for some adventure to get into.”

You went to talk to “your boys” and found that Sam was, indeed, planning a trek into the woods. Danny seemed perfectly willing to go along with his boyfriend’s scheme, as he generally always was, but told you that there was no pressure to join them.

“Aw, you don't want to miss it, sparrow,” Sam protested. “You have to see the waterfall.”

You’d heard of this enigmatic, hidden waterfall, and your curiosity was piqued. 

“Fine, but somebody’s making me apple cider when we get back,” you said.

Sam gave Danny’s shoulder an affectionate slap. “Dan’s got that covered. Don't you, babe?”

Danny rolled his eyes and smiled. “Yes, I’ll make sure sparrow has a festive little drink as a reward for putting up with you.”

“Good man,” Sam said cheerfully.

Baby and the twins were cajoled into coming with you as well, and you set out into the chilly woods together to find the waterfall. You huddled into a flannel jacket you’d stolen from Jake forever ago, enjoying the crisp autumn weather and the company.

Jake, Josh, and Baby were leading your group; you hung with Sam and Danny a few paces back, thankful for Danny’s steadying hand when you came to overgrown parts on the trail.

“Did you guys pick a room yet?” Danny asked, holding your hand as you stepped over a fallen tree trunk. “Sam was too excited to get outside for us to decide on one, but I guess we’ll just go with the same one we had last year.”

You gave him a rueful smile. “Well, Jake picked ours. Care to guess which one?”

“Probably the last one on the right,” he said, frowning a little. “He picked that one last time, but... oh, I see what the trouble is there.”

Sam found a sturdy walking stick in the brush. “Jake can be kind of an idiot sometimes.”

“Yeah,” you said, a little more bitterly than you’d intended. “Not the smartest choice, I thought, but hey.”

“Just tell him,” Sam suggested. “He’s not that much of an idiot that he’d make you stay there once he knew why you didn't want to.”

“Oh, I don't know,” you said, hesitant. “I don’t want to be annoying. It’s just a bedroom, after all.”

“Yeah, with a big, comfy bed he’s shared with someone else.”

Danny elbowed him. “Not helping, love.”

Sam looked a little abashed, then, but his easy, incorrigible smile won out.

“Sorry, Sparrow. I'm kind of an idiot sometimes too. But I do think you should just tell him.”

“You can have mine and Sammy’s room,” Danny offered.

“And I can guarantee that Jake hasn’t slept with either of us in there,” Sam added. You laughed, and Danny shook his head. 

“Samuel Francis,” he said, chiding and affectionate. “You’re terrible at this sort of thing, you know?”

He shrugged, a lazy grin spreading over his face. “Got a laugh out of her, anyway.” He slung his arm over your shoulders. “Don’t fret, my pet. Once you get this bedroom thing sorted out, this week’s gonna be great. Not least because...” He pointed ahead of you with his walking stick. “We’re almost at your waterfall.”

The six of you came through the trees to a beautiful swimming hole and the accompanying waterfall, and you had to admit it was very nice. Jake was looking for skipping stones along the water's edge, and you joined him.

“Hiya, sweetheart,” he said. “Did you have a good time with Sam and Danny?”

“Yeah,” you said truthfully, thankful for their kind advice and help. You handed him a perfectly flat stone to add to his collection. “How’s this one?”

“This one,” he said, holding it up to inspect it, “is a winner. C’mere.”

You did, following him to the bank, and watched him skip your stone an impressive five times across the water. 

“Here, you try,” he said, handing you a few. 

“I’m not very good at it,” you said hesitantly.

He grinned. “Sweet!” At your confused look, he softened and pulled you snug against him, your back to his chest. “Gives me an excuse to get real close and teach you how it's done. I didn’t know how I was going to convince you to let me teach you if you were good at it.”

You smiled and snuggled close to him. “Don’t worry. I would have pretended not to know.”

Giving you some pointers, he stretched your arm out and showed you how to move your wrist just so. He did it with you a few times, sneaking kisses here and there, and you probably would have been more successful if you hadn't been so distracted by his warmth and affection.

“Okay, you try,” he said, letting you go.

“No, one more,” you said, wanting him close.

He chuckled. “How about some incentive? I'll give you a kiss for every skip.”

That was motivation enough, but you tossed the next stone with such vigor that it skated straight under the water without so much as one skip.

“Aw, super,” you said. You looked to Jake. “Can that count?”

He kissed your nose. “Half a point. Try again.”

You did, several times, and earned kisses for each paltry one- and two-skip attempt. Then, finally, your stoke skipped four times.

“Ha!” you said, exultant. “There. Four kisses, please.”

He smiled and obliged you, giving you an extra for a job well done. 

“See?” he said. “You’re pretty good after all.”

“And now you've Pavloved me into expecting kisses every time,” you teased. “That won’t ever get boring.”

He hummed and gently butted his head against yours. “You’re right. It won’t.”

Warm with his affectionate attention, you felt brave enough to bring up the bedroom situation, sure he would understand.

“Can I talk to you about something?” you asked.

“Always, sparrow,” he said gently. “What’s up?”

“Well... I was just wondering if we could switch rooms.”

His brow crinkled. “I mean, sure, if you want. Any reason in particular?”

You bit the inside of your cheek.

“Because, well...” You couldn't make yourself say it, wishing he’d just realize what it was instead of you having to spell it out. You didn't want to make him feel bad, and you definitely didn't want to be the one to drag the memory of his ex into your vacation. “I just want to. I think a little variety would be good for you.”

He gave you a bemused smile. “Okay, honey. Suits me.”

You hugged him, needing him close, and he hugged you back with a tight squeeze.

“I sure do love you, sparrow,” he said with a happy groan. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” you said contentedly. “For both things.”

When the sun started to sink and the air got colder, you made your way back to the cabin and started getting the bonfire going. Sam and Jake got the grill on, serving up a round of hamburgers and Sam’s very artfully crafted veggie sliders, and Josh made drinks while you and Baby helped Danny with the fire. Helped was a bit of a strong word, actually, given that Danny did most of the work, but he was grateful for your efforts all the same.

By the time the sun had set, the six of you were well on your way to being drunk. Josh was nothing if not a craftsman of strong drinks, and you all hung around the fire, tossing the football around and lounging in your camping chairs, talking and laughing and intermittently breaking out into song. The playlist you and Baby had curated was expertly tailored to the musical taste you shared with the boys, and none of them could resist a good tune.

“Listen to his tone on that,” Jake said to you, his accent slipping into tellingly British territory. He gestured with his cup, sloshing a bit over the rim. “I woke up and pressed my lips to a cup full of comfort, wrapped in the bliss of a golden shroud,” he sang, his voice raspy and warm. “God, that guitar sounds so cool.”

You smiled up at him, pleasantly buzzed and dreamy. “Not as cool as yours, honey.”

He grinned and gave you a kiss. “I like you. I think I’ll keep you.”

“Suits me, Jakey.” You draped your arm over his shoulder and let him sway you to the music. Your breaths came in silverly clouds, and you were thankful for his warmth in the chilly night. 

He nuzzled against your jaw, breathing you in, humming along to the tune. “You smell good, sparrow.”

You giggled when his hair brushed against your neck. “Thanks. It’s just soap.”

“It’s you,” he said. “Sunshine and fresh air.”

“Well, I have been out in the sun and the woods all day,” you reasoned.

He kissed a loved mark against your neck, and you lost yourself in his touch. 

“I have a theory,” he said after a moment.

You hummed. “What’s that?”

“You let me make love to you,” he said, “and I’ll make you the best love you ever had.”

You laughed. “That’s not a theory,” you protested. “That’s... a bargain, maybe, but not a theory.”

“Whatever,” he said. He pulled you close. “Bargain, theory, call it what you want. What say you, lassie?”

“Oh, there’s my pirate Jake,” you said, coy and affectionate. “I missed him.”

“He’s all yours, sparrow. Just say the word.”

You looked around the bonfire and saw Sam and Danny playing a card game, both of them laughing far more than any card game could make a person laugh sober. Josh and Baby were entangled in Josh’s camping chair, looking like they might very soon cross out that thing at the top of her list of things to do this week.

You had a mind to cross it off too, and as you’d been promised, Jake was more than amenable.

“Very well, Dread Pirate Kiszka,” you said, swaggering and posh. “As you wish.”

He grinned, wasting no time finishing off his drink and taking you inside. You were giggly and clumsy as you made your way through the dimly lit cabin, and you weren’t paying attention to where he was taking you until you passed the bathroom.

“Hold on,” you said, disentangling yourself from him. “Two seconds. Be right back.”

Going to find him after, you realized with a pang of chagrin that he was in the room he’d said you could move from. What’s more, he was absolutely dead to the world, spreadeagle on the bed with his shoes still on. You would have found it sweet and amusing — apparently even the promise of drunk pirate sex wasn’t enough to combat an unremembered number of tequila sodas — if you hadn't been so unhappy about where he’d fallen asleep.

You swallowed your feelings and gently took his shoes off, setting them neatly against the wall. Surely you could handle one night in this room; you wouldn't dream of bothering Jake by insisting he get up and move when he was already sleeping, not when the reason would be something as silly as your emotions. Getting undressed yourself, you got into bed next to him, trying very hard not to think of another girl who'd done the same thing in this very bed.

He roused just enough to move close to you, draping an arm over you.

“My love,” he mumbled, soft and sweet.

For some reason, you felt like crying. Couldn't he have called you his nickname for you, one you knew had never been used for another?

“I’m here, Jake,” you said softly. You pressed close to him, hiding your face against his shoulder, wishing you could forget every reason not to relax against him completely. Feeling the sting of tears that you knew you wouldn't be able to stop but would try to keep quiet, you weren't sure how successful you would be.

taglist: @viagvf @allieisacrybaby @itsafullmoon @spark-my-nature @anthemheatwave @xserenax-13 @musicspeaks @mountain-in-springtime

and some cabin fever besties who were excited for this one :) @shutupdevvie @gold-mines-melting @earthlysorrows @brooke-gvf

join my taglist here!

[coldlovehotblood]

K queen could you please provide me with some izzy fic lmao 😭😭😭😭 so um i'm literally at the end of my uni semester and it's eating me out CAUSE I FEEL SO DUMB LIKE WHY TF AM I GETTING A DEGREE IF I CANT DO BASIC SHIT 💀💀💀💀💀💀 but i needed a super cute angst to fluff izzy fic where yn is going through this and she feels dumb and just bad about it all, and izzy helps her feeling better 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 literally handed 2 big projects today (i'm a programmer btw but that's irrelevant) and i got 3 tests next week AND I CANT BARELY THINK ANYMORE

Ok i'll shut up bye thank youuuuu

˗ˏˋ✩ˎˊ˗

SMARTY PANTS

The pressure of university is worse than you thought it’d be, swallowing you up before you realise what’s happening. Luckily, your boyfriend is willing to help you forget for a while.

w/c: 2,128

warnings: smut

a/n: haiii sorry for the wait! nah programming sounds like a headache to me you must have one of the biggest brains in all the land. wish i was that smart fr😔 anyway i hope this scratches the Izzy fluff itch and gives you a little boost. YOU’VE GOT THIS I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

GWORGGGG divider by @strangergraphics

You were burnt out. Badly.

Exhaustion wasn’t a strong enough word for it. You were so genuinely close to padlocking your apartment door and going into hibernation in an attempt to catch up on missed shuteye.

Every assignment felt colossal, and put another wall between you and the freedom university was supposed to give you once you moved away from home. You had wanted more space to breathe, more opportunities to explore the world and yourself, more time to spend with your boyfriend…

God, your boyfriend was so good about all of it. He knew when to give you space and when to fill that space. He knew it was eating you alive and kicking your ass. He never gave you grief for periods of silence. You honestly didn’t know how you deserved him.

This occasion was yet another display of his patience.

You were sitting on your bed, staring blankly at the wall, trying to will yourself to get up and do something productive. With assignments being at the forefront of your mind for the past week or two, everything else was left behind. Your room was in disarray, there were clothes to be washed, dishes to be done, the list went on and on. As the minutes ticked by, you got more frustrated with yourself and your inability to keep up with life. You couldn't tell if University was brutal or if you really were eternally a few steps behind.

It was frustrating.

That lump that had been sitting in the base of your throat for the whole day finally loosened up as a sob heaved its way out of you. Vision blurred with tears, you turned to lie on top of your bed covers, but you heard a knock down the hall.

It took an unbelievable amount of effort to haul yourself up from where you lay. You padded over and didn't bother to wipe your cheeks before opening the door. There stood Izzy in leather and dark wash denim, holding a bottle of Jack. The crappy, sparse, yellow light from the hall was dampened greatly by the grin he was sporting, but that quickly faded once he saw your face.

“Baby, are you ok?”

You really started to cry then. He came through the threshold at once and took you into his arms. That gorgeous woody scent you knew as his engulfed you. Wordlessly, he guided you back into your apartment and to the sofa, setting the bottle down in favour of pulling you on top and close.

You tucked your head into his shoulder, seeking more of his cologne as he soothed a hand down your spine, tracing light patterns with his fingertips as he went. You realised then that you could relax a bit and that you were able to shrug off the tight restraints of deadlines that had been digging into you like rough ropes tied too tight.

Your voice was croaky when you eventually thanked him after a few minutes of silence. He shook his head in response.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“A little,” you replied with a sniff.

One of his hands now pushed away some of the hair that had fallen over your face.

“I came ‘cause a while ago you told me today was the deadline for some pretty important things. I wanted to see how you were holding up.”

You moved to look up at him from where you lay, and he dipped his head to look back at you, that same grin from before returning.

“I even brought a friend,” he spoke with a giggle, looking over to where he’d set the liquor bottle down. It was brand new, the amber contents sitting just below the unbroken seal as it ought to be.

You sighed before dropping your head again.

“How did you remember? I know that you and Axl are busy right now.”

“I wrote it down on some paper and kept it in my jacket. Every time I went to grab my lighter, I felt it and remembered. Figured it was the only way I could’ve.”

You were so fond of him it was sickening.

“You’re really dumb.”

“In comparison to you, yeah, honestly. All that computer stuff they have you doing is unbelievable.”

You let yourself feel the vibrations of his voice rumble against your cheek as you took in his words. Following this path had been your dream. Tech had always been an area of interest and pursuing it in university looked like the best path for you. For months, you had scoured high and low, looking for a place that would best accommodate you and the life you dreamed of creating. If you were going to do it, you were making damn sure you’d do it right. With the tech industry in the beginnings of a boom, it really was the best time to start.

However, you severely underestimated the pressure of the workload. You understood what you were getting yourself into when you signed up. You had read the course details a million times over, but actually having those deadlines hanging over your head, actually having those tests back to back with no wiggle room or time for a breather— it was harsh. Much worse than you thought it would be.

On top of that, the content was difficult. You had to take your passion seriously now. That doesn't sound like a big deal until you experience it yourself. It’s so strange, and new information was thrown at you with every lecture. The knowledge being given was amazing, but memorising all of it, being tested on it, brought everything into a different ballpark entirely.

In short, you were finding the rigour of it all extremely hard to keep up with, and the idea of dropping out was starting to paw at you like a dog looking for treats.

“I question why I’m doing it.”

Izzy scoffed and shook his head once more. This time his chin grazed your crown as he did.

“You’re kidding, right? You’re doing it because it’s what you love.”

“It is, but is it worth my sanity? I mean, there is constantly so much going on I feel like I’m losing even the basics.”

He said your name softly as his hand came to your cheek, encouraging your head up to meet his eyes.

“They wouldn’t have let you in if they thought you weren’t capable of keeping up. You are good at what you do, great even. And with this kind of an education? You’ll become fucking insane.”

His words brought you back to earth a bit. What he was saying made sense, but it wasn’t enough to fully satisfy that itching feeling of being behind, the feeling of non-existent eyes drilling into your back everytime you thought about work.

He tapped your cheek with his index and ring finger.

“Hey, let that pretty head rest. Let those projects and stray homework’s be the past and be here with me in the now.”

In the low light of your living room, his silver nose ring glinted as he tilted his head. You wished you could follow his instruction, but doubt is a stubborn thing. Tears filled your lash line again and he made a face so concerned and full of care it brought them on faster.

“Don’t cry, baby, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Frustration grew once again and you couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped you.

Suddenly, Izzy’s face changed as he looked into your salt-soaked eyes.

“I know how I can help.”

It was your turn to tilt your head.

“Will you let me take care of you?”

“What—“

“Just trust me,” he whispered, smiling handsomely as he came closer. You could feel his breath tickle your face a little bit with the proximity.

You were sinking deeper into a pool of uncertainty by the second, and he offered a hand to pull you to the surface. How could you refuse?

“Please,” you breathed back before he pressed his lips to yours.

Kissing him was like blinking, it came naturally and you didn’t have to think about it. Your mouths moved in sync so well it was easy to get lost in it. He was soft against you, each brush of lips like waves melting into each other upon impact. Seamless.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and flipped the two of you gently so that he was hovering above you. Carefully, Izzy brought one hand down your body as he kept the other propped beside your head on the armrest, slowly dragging it lower and lower as he continued to kiss you.

He then pulled away from your mouth as he sat up straighter, giving himself two hands to meet at the waistband of your bottoms.

“What you need, sweetheart, is a distraction. That is something I can most certainly give,” he spoke, wiggling his eyebrows and making you laugh. Fingers under the fabric, he hesitated.

“Is this ok? We don’t have to do anything, it’s just an idea.”

He was too good to you. So sweet it’d be no time at all before every one of your teeth would have to be capped with silver.

“I trust you.”

That’s all the confirmation he needed before pulling them all the way down, taking your panties along with the movement. He was careful but quick.

“You’re so gorgeous here,” he muttered, not taking his eyes off of your exposed lower half.

You blushed bright as you wiped at your eyes, loathing the tight feeling that came to your cheeks once tear tracks dried. Izzy ever so gently encouraged you to open your legs wider with his hands, parting them to place himself in between.

He lowered himself then to your hip, leaving a trail of wet, open-mouthed kisses, whispering praises as he crept closer and closer to where you needed him most. You shivered as arousal bloomed in your stomach. Your being sung under his touch.

He stole one more glance of you, eyes glittering with excitement. He looked ready to buzz out of his skin and squeal. Every time he did this, you were left in disbelief at how eager he could be. You couldn’t decide if it was you or him that got off more to things like this.

Finally, he closed the gap between him and you, and you sighed with contentment. Izzy licked a stripe over your core and pleasure coursed throughout your body. Hypnotised, you let him have his way.

He was too good at it, knowing just how and where to brush his tongue in order to drive you mad. You didn’t realise it, but his lapping really was making you blank.

You were relaxing.

He built you up steadily and at the brink of orgasm he left you hanging, stunning you out of the bubble he’d lulled you into. This continued a couple of times as he made sure your brain was left mush and static.

Once satisfied with your state, he let you reach that dizzying peak of pleasure and tipped you over the edge, ecstasy bursting you open and leaving a supernova in it’s wake for your boyfriend to appreciate; the fruit of his labour: a lax-bodied, simple-minded version of you.

You panted with him as he brought you to his chest once again. You couldn’t really say anything but his name at that point so you opted for silence and squeezing him tight.

“Told you I knew,” he said huskily into your ear, nipping your lobe playfully.

It took a second for the words to come out, but you did eventually reply, “okay smarty pants, we get it.”

He laughed, the sound ringing loud and bright through the room before moving an arm under your knees and standing up, princess carrying you through your apartment to the bedroom. As he went, he continued his teasing, insisting you call him ‘ the smartest motherfucker to ever walk the earth’ before he tucked you in and took his place behind you, curled up tight to your back.

Worn out and kept cozy by Izzy’s warmth, it wasn’t long before sleep took you. You’d decided university was a problem for future you, as you at the time was more occupied thinking of all the ways they could prove they are the smarter motherfucker.

You were terribly in love, and, in that moment, that was what trumped everything else.

Also, you had a bottle of Jack Daniel’s waiting for you. That’s an immediate plus.

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

Better Late Than Never

Pairing: Alex Karev x Reader

Summary: After years of being gone, Alex makes his return to Grey Sloan Memorial.

Warnings: Mention of Jack Gibson and light cursing.

She's baaccckkk!!!

-----

“Dr. Y/L/N.” 

“What is it Griffith?” The brunette looked up from the tablet in her hands to see the new intern smiling back at her and panting like she just ran two miles. Y/N cocked an eyebrow and the intern who seemingly forgot her reason for searching for the OBGYN in the first place.

“Oh! There’s a really handsome man looking for you. Well, I overheard him asking Dr. Hunt for you down in the pit but he got brushed off so I offered to bring him up but he said he knew this hospital like the back of his hand. Which is weird now that I think about it.” Griffith tilted her head to the side causing her curls to bounce on top of her head as she thought back to her interaction with the man.

“Did he give you a name?”

“I didn’t ask but he’s right-” 

“Here.” For a second the doctor’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of a very familiar voice. A voice that she tried so hard to forget over the past couple years. 

No no no, it can’t be him she thought.

“Y/N.” 

“Griffith I need you run down to the lab to collect Mrs. Henry’s lab workup.” Alex hung his head and the intern could visibly see her superior trying her best to ignore the man that called out to her.

“Y/N you can’t igno-” 

“Griffith-”

“On it.” The intern glanced between the pair before speed walking down the hall to the elevator. Alex sighed, he knew that she wasn’t going to be happy to see him but he didn’t expect her to ignore him either.

“Y/N please, can we talk?”

Rolling her eyes at him Y/N walked past him to go check on her patient but that only made him follow her. Alex securely took hold of her arm and pulled her into the nearest on-call room.

“Alex! What the hell?” Breaking away from him she wasted no time in putting as much distance between them as possible. 

“Y/N I know you don’t want to see me especially after the way things ended between us but I just want to talk.” 

“It’s been years since you left me to go back to Izzie and now you want to talk. Alex I’m only going to say this once, fuck you. I don’t want to hear a word coming out of your mouth because when you were supposed to talk to me you left. You took your things and took off leaving me a freaking letter filled with bullshit.” Alex listened to her release all her anger on him that she definitely had pent up over the years.

“I meant everything in that letter Y/N. I loved you and every single thing we had built together-”

“Oh please, you wouldn’t even know what love is even if it slapped you in the face Karev. If you had loved me, loved us and what we had, you wouldn’t have left. We would’ve come up with a way for you to meet your kids and be a part of their lives but you took off instead. You didn’t mention them to me, you just found out and left me in the dirt.” Hot tears pricked at her eyes as all the hurt, frustration and anger rushed to the surface but she’s not going to let them fall. Alex Karev didn’t deserve another tear of hers.

“You didn’t deserve that.” 

“I didn’t deserve that but yet still you did that to me!” Alex felt a stabbing pain in his chest hearing and seeing how much pain, how much she’s hurting over the way he left. After all, they were three days away from getting married and starting a life together.

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s a little too late for apologies.” A moment of silence fell over the room giving Y/N the time to get a hold of her emotions. Alex couldn’t help but take in her appearance after being away from her for years. He had to admit, her beauty never changed but the thing that struck him was the wedding band that she wore on her left hand.

“How are they?”

“Mhm?” Alex snapped back to reality at the sound of her voice.

“Your family, how are they?” She couldn’t help but to be curious about the kids and what they looked like. A smile graced his face at the thought of his kids back home.

“They’re good, the kids are growing nicely.” 

“And Izzie, how is she?” 

“We’re no longer together, we had gotten remarried and tried the whole apple pie family life but that only lasted for two years. I’m just sticking around for the sake of the kids.” His smile faltered, breaking that news to her. When he left he had hopes of working things out with Izzie and they did but it wasn’t the same and he knew that. He knew that his heart was back in Seattle with Y/N but he didn’t want to not be part of his children’s lives. Clearing his throat, he pointed to the rock that sat on her ring finger.

“You got married?” 

“I did, I married Gibson” Y/N’s lips curled up into a smile at the thought of her husband Jack.

“Gibson from Station 19? Wow, okay.” Alex didn’t see that one coming, he stuffed his hands into his pockets as he continued.

“He uh- treating you right?” 

“He is.”

“Good, good, you deserve it.” Y/N could see that he’s still wrapping his head around it and just as she was about to say something her pager went off.

“I have to go, they need me in the pit.” She brushed past him but stopped with her hand on the doorknob.

“Alex, although it took a while, thanks for finally coming to talk.”

“Better late than never, right?” The pair chuckled at that statement because it’s true. Now she was finally able to bury what they had.

“But I should get going, take care of yourself Karev.” Y/N opened the door and ran off leaving him in the cold room. Just as the door closed shut behind her, Alex found himself saying the three words that he wanted to tell her all along.

“I love you.”

-----

Grey's Taglist:

@freyathehuntress @meeksmusic83 @graniairish @lorenakaspersen @sergntbarnes @sketch-and-write-lover

[unknownperson246]

love please do a part 2 for sociopath(the izzy fic) i'm begging you 🥺

Hii I hope you enjoy it I added plot twists lmfao

Part 1

Sociopath Part 2:

words: 744

warnings: *angst* *plot twists* *cussing* *izzy being cold to reader* *mentions of drugs and using drugs* *plot twist is a surprise* *anger*

✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:*

It has been a few weeks since Izzy left the house after the argument that occurred while you both were in the middle of making love. It turns out all the stuff you said about him being a sociopath was true and you had no idea about it whatsoever. He was a diagnosed sociopath. He always had hidden it from everyone around him for his personal gain. You were so worried about him after he left the house. You waited days for him to come back until one day he did come back. You were glad he was back but you were so upset about that night. You went up to him crying. You hugged him. He pushed you away and sat on the couch.

“Izzy, what is wrong with you? You're scaring me!” You begged for him to talk to you.

“Please talk to me. Tell me what is wrong. I love you and you don’t even talk to me!” You start crying more. 

“Me being with you is wrong.” He mutters.

“What was that?” You ask sniffling and not hearing what he said under his breath.

“Nothing. I’m just tired, okay?” He says picking himself off of the couch and going to the bed.

You follow him to the bed. You want to take a nap with him so you change into your silky white nightgown. You hug him trying to whisper sweet things in his ear to help him calm down. He pushes you away and you get upset. You turned around on the bed. Suddenly you felt sick to your stomach. You rush to the toilet to puke. You were a former heroin addict. You picked the habit from Izzy. You had quit ever since he left the house for a while because he took it all with him. All the withdrawals were almost over. By the time you got up from puking, you felt so cold and you were shivering. You got to bed and you covered yourself in the blanket you and Izzy shared. Izzy turned around looking at you after you got in bed again.

“What's wrong?” Izzy asked.

“Don’t get mad okay?” You told him. 

“I used to use some of your heroin and I got heavy withdrawals from it,” You say looking down because you were ashamed. 

“Well that’s not good for the baby,” He said, holding and rubbing your belly, realizing he accidentally slipped up.

“The baby? What baby?” You asked confused.

It all made sense to you now. You started to sob at the realization. Izzy had been cheating on you and he got another woman pregnant. He forgot that he wasn't at her place anymore. It was just a habit for him. He doesnt seem to care either. You realized that he was using you as a toy. You didnt know how many more girlfriends he had. In fact, he could have a wife and kids for all you knew. You just watch him sit there in silence. You turned around on the bed sobbing and not saying anything. You felt his hand gently stroking your shoulder but you shoved it away. You felt the front part of his body leaning against your back. You got up and had enough of him.

“I can’t believe I ever loved you” You finally stop sobbing.

“Get out of my fucking house” You yell. “Woah what are you talking about?” He says confused.

“Fuck” You yell.

He shows you papers with your name on them. “See these right here? You showed them to me a couple of weeks ago when I left. You're pregnant.” He says.

You grab the paper not believing him. You skim through it and find out he is right. Your mind was so fogged up that you forgot you were even pregnant. “When did I show you these?” You asked him, forgetting he already answered your question.

“When I left,” He said calmly. 

You were so confused. “I can’t be pregnant” You chuckle.

“You are,” Izzy said, pulling out ultrasound pictures you both went for the other day.

“When did this happen?” You ask Izzy.

“Like yesterday. Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah I’m fine” You lay down again facing the other way.

“You sure you stopped using it when I left?” He asked you.

“Yeah. Maybe it was the withdrawals messing with me” You say falling asleep. You feel Izzy stroking your hair and kissing your neck and shoulder.

[hollywoodroses]

Could you do somethjng about being izzy's sister and liking steven for a while and you end up hooking up in a after party and izzy finds out and is pissed 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 lmao i love family drama THANK YOUUUU 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

warning: smut, language and mention of drugs

minors please don’t interact

That’s My Sister

You are currently on summer vacation from university and decide to visit your twin brother Izzy in Los Angeles. Izzy had just released an album with his band, Guns N’ Roses.

You originally met his band when they were in your hometown doing a concert. Meeting them back-stage you developed feelings for the drummer, Steven. He looked so cute and innocent but your brother was near you like a shadow. You never got a chance to speak to Steven and soon went your own way while the band continued their tour.

Now was your chance to see your crush again. You are so excited as the plane was ready to land at LAX. You wondered if Izzy would pick you up personally so if he’d send a really posh driver and limo.

Once you get through customs, you exit into the lobby of the arrivals lounge and see Izzy.

“Izzy”. You call out to him.

You run towards him and when you get close to him you give him a hug.

“I missed you, twin”. You say in delight.

“Hey kiddo. The guys are excited to see you”.

You walk out of the airport with your twin brother and see a limo waiting for you with a personal driver. You didn’t even know how popular Guns N’ Roses were. You preferred New Kids on the Block.

The driver welcomes you to California and opens the limo door for you. You are greeted with an array of food and drinks. You quickly grab a soda and some water.

Izzy explained that he would take you to a hotel to dress as he was going to take you to a night-club. The club was going to celebrate the release of Appetite for Destruction album. You can’t wait to see everyone but you are hoping that Steven didn’t forget you after all those years of meeting him for the first time.

*****

You decided to wear a plaid skirt and crop-top with thigh-high socks and ankle boots. Even though Izzy was originally against your outfit choice, you convinced him that you wanted to make an statement. Izzy understood has he knew your parents were a little protective of you.

Once you entered the party, you saw who you were looking for. Steven was right there, with glassy eyes you knew he was possibly on some drug. When you noticed Izzy was no longer in sight, you walk up to Steven and just go for it and sit in his lap.

“Hey baby, remember me?” You asked.

“Y/N, of course I remember. How can I forget.”

While getting comfortable with Steven, you feel your clothed pussy rub against him. You roll your eyes back and moan.

“I want you.” You whisper in his ear.

You get up from Steven’s lap and take his hand. You see that your twin brother is busy with a groupie he met at the party.

You drag Steven to the women’s rest room. Locking the door, you turn to him and take his shirt in your hands. Pushing him towards the sink, you kiss him hungrily. Licking his tongue, you start to feel yourself dripping through your panties. You kiss him until your lips are swollen and wet with spit.

You are horny so you lift your skirt and move your panties to the side and begin to finger yourself. Steven smiled as he could see how desperate you were. When you climaxed, you collect your cum and lick your fingers clean. You kiss Steven again, mixing your cum and your saliva in his mouth.

You want him inside you but you suddenly hear the rest room door unlock. To your horror, Izzy walks into the scene with anger.

“What the fuck are you doing”. He yells.

He runs up to you and grabs you out of Steven’s arms. You walk out with him in embarrassment as you mouthed ‘sorry’ to Steven but you did wink at him so he was definitely satisfied.

You walked towards the party with Izzy following close behind you. When you got in-front of everyone Izzy made a scene.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH STEVEN?” He yelled towards you.

“What do you mean?” You ask innocently.

“I know what Steven and my band-mates are like. I know how they treat women. I don’t want you to get hurt.” He admits to you.

“Izzy, I am your twin sister. You should know nobody can mess with me. Besides, I am an adult not a child”.

Izzy started to calm down when he realized what you said.

“Be careful, I don’t want to be an uncle just yet”. He explained.

You wink at your brother and he laughs as he hugs you. His band-mates including Steven breathe a sigh of relief.

It seemed like everything turned out the way it should. You began to date Steven exclusively and he was loyal to you, never looking at the groupies. He only had eyes for you.

the end

[bookishjules]

what do you think Izzy was like post cohf but pre tftsa? bring on the angst

okay i can't promise this will be coherent, but..

the first thing that comes to mind is angry. like.. i don't think i need to contextualize this for you, but just to get us in the headspace.. she really just gave her heart away. put the emphasis on any word in that sentence and it not only makes sense but just feels heavier and heavier. she fell in love in spite of herself, in spite of her fears and insecurities, in spite of her efforts and determination. and why would that not make her feel like the biggest fucking idiot?? she knew. she knew that falling in love would only result in pain and heartbreak and that that was a life she didn't want to live. and yet she did all that anyway. she put trust in simon, trust in the universe, and of course men and the universe will do what they do.. so can she really fault anyone but her own naive self?

she externalizes that anger too, snapping at her family, being especially brutal when she comes across demons during patrol etc. and the worst part is, that that anger doesn't take the other emotions away, it doesn't eradicate the love she felt for simon, that she still very much feels for him. she thinks of him and her heart hurts and it only makes her all the more angry. i think she waffles between being glad she never truly said the words "i love you" and regretting it. because now those words are just curdling inside her, a constant reminder of what she had and lost, and it makes her sick. like no, she never gave them away, but that also means she has to harbor the truth of them in her stomach. the truth of how much she's come to need him, of how every time she feels herself breaking down because of the heaviness of reality, it's his arms she craves.

she tries to forget. tries to move on like she's always been able to, tries to deny him like she's never been able to, but it doesn't work. of course it doesn't work. she tries to go out, to kiss boys, but all it does is pull her closer to tears. and it feels a little like she's the one being disloyal. because her heart still belongs to simon. because she never actually broke up with him. he may not remember that they are still together, but it's not like he wanted to ghost her. he loved her. and if he knew her.. he still would. but physicality has always helped her forget, helped her push those strong emotions deep inside. so she trains and she goes dancing, and she even lets a couple guys take her home. but no matter how intense the physical side gets, the emotions just rear their heads even stronger.

she's changed so much since meeting simon, since falling in love with him. and suddenly she isn't satisfied by hookups and bandaids. she wants someone to listen to her, to see her. someone to protect, someone to hold her hand. someone worth fighting for. she wants simon. she worries she's ruined. she worries she'll never be satisfied if he isn't simon. how could she find that again? would she even want to?

and i say she wants someone to talk to, but she definitely is not opening up to the people who are trying to be there for her. she closes herself off until she can properly mask her emotions, but her brothers aren't fooled by her act. clary has the best success when talking to izzy. not because she can offer consolation in any way, but because she gets it. because they can comfort each other in the loss of this person who meant the most to both of them. and when starving out the emotions doesn't seem to be working, izzy decides maybe .. maybe she should try the opposite. so clary starts to tell her stories. she talks about simon the way she grew up with him, talks about his favorite subjects in school and how he cried at his dad's funeral and the day he came home from his first guitar lesson. and izzy knows it helps clary too, to have someone who will appreciate these stories as well. who will appreciate a glimpse into the world clary lost.

but of course that also makes izzy feel even less deserving of the sense of absolute loss she feels when it comes to simon. like she had this guy in her life for what.. four months? why is she reacting so strongly?? why must this love have such a chokehold on her?? but the way she opened up to simon was something so unique and new that.. it wasn't just losing him. in a way, she'd lost a piece of herself too, the piece she'd never thought she'd give away. and fuck. it had felt so good. in all the anxiety.. it had felt good to be vulnerable with simon. it had been a piece of her that she'd relented. not freely given at first, but by the end.. it was absolutely his. and he took it with him. there was no getting that piece of her back.

no matter how hard she'd tried, she ended up with a man who hurt her, just like her mother warned. but she doesn't want to be like her father, either, marrying someone he doesn't truly love, mistreating them in that apathy.. not after what she felt with simon. not now that she knows what true love and heartbreak are. so she thinks well.. i guess i'll have to live off sex alone.

but like i said before, sex doesn't work. alec says she'll find someone, jace tries to distract her, any effort her mom makes is completely brushed aside.. and eventually she finds herself hoping. it's naive. its fucking dumb. but she starts.. stalking simon. just a little. she attends his shows, and she pays attention. she talks to people who have interacted with him since edom, and she pays attention. is there a piece inside him that's broken too? could he remember me? remember us? how bad would it be to just approach him. to kiss him and remind him of the truth.

she expresses these thoughts one night, after having had a little too much to drink at one of simon's shows and going to crash at magnus and alec's place. and magnus listens. he doesn't want to give her false hope, but he also doesn't want her to sink so far into this train of thought that she ends up approaching mundane simon in such a self-destructive way. so he tells her that if they found enough proof, they could try to jog his memory.

then izzy find the poster days after the band changes their name to the mortal instruments and the rest is history..