#how am i gonna tell my therapist about this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

devotedlyteenagemusic · 2 years

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made a manic purchase today and bought a crippled bearded dragon. but honestly, I'm very excited for where this journey will take me

#bearded dragon #beardie #manic depression #manic moment #how am i gonna tell my therapist about this #emotional support lizard #Kara's Therapy Posts

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rackartyg · 6 months

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in therapy today i just talked about the dark urge and astarion and my therapist was elated about it. it was fantastic. “wow you’ve really been using this story and those characters to process things. that’s amazing!”

the era of being ashamed of my interests is over. it’s apparently Cool and Healthy to use fiction to cope. i wish i could tell fifteen year old me about this it would blow her mind

#she speaks #arctic plays bg3 #bad brains blogging #you’re gonna have to pry SFF from my cold dead hands because ‘this creature is not human but nonetheless a person’ is THE most #important thing ever actually #i love taking my feelings and experiences and externalising and concretising them through metaphor #my favourite thing about astarion is how he both has literal cptsd AND metaphorically through his vampirism #that fucking rules #also shoutout to another thing therapist said today:#she was originally sceptical of my potentially having autism #then she was like ‘ok you have some traits but you’re probably not diagnosable’#then today she was like ‘you make so much sense when one thinks of you through the lense of autism’#amen sister i’ve been right there with you #but now i’m getting my second assessment soon! which won’t change anything about me i am and will be ‘tism-y regardless #but it’s going to be interesting to see what happens #also i told her about my WISC scores and she was like ‘jesus christ tell them to evaluate you for adhd too’ so uhhh #they already screened me for that and i believe i tested negative but let’s see #the WISC score was why i was even referred for an assessment so

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hajihiko · 2 years

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How do you feel about trans hajime agenda

Same way I feel about most gender, sexuality, and neuro headcanons: not something I *personally* really need to talk about or name, but anything that makes people happy is a thumbs up from me

#That first part isn't a no either btw. It's just a 'i already barely understand my own gender'#'im not gonna talk about or project gender on other characters when idk wtf to even say lol'#Same with neuro stuff. I know somethings wrong with me but I (and therapists) dunno what #So what would I have to say about it in a narrative?#I just draw how I feel and when ppl are like 'omg trans swag' or 'real autism vibes' I'm like oh? Hell yea ok!#Tldr I'm dumb about many things so I don't really think about them #except polyamory BC I'm spiteful abt that one lol #Wow this got long. Uh anyway #If you get mad at anything I say consider: asking forclarification. I'm not always very comprehensible #Can you tell I am a MASSIVE overthinker

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trujellyfish · 2 months

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thinking too hard abt how this rise of "mental health" discussion still only seems to focus on the Cute and Quirky symptoms and still demonizes other mental health (personality) disorders

like my carefully curated tumblr space is fine, but everytime i get sucked into insta reels i inevitably see tens of different reels of the same 3 symptoms of autism/adhd

like im glad theyre getting this positive moment but it just kind of fucking sucks to listen to people talk about how they ToTaLlY have a "touch of the 'tism" and ur friends are sending u "relatable adhd memes" so u think u have a little more support and understanding but then u mention how ur struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts and violent/disturbing intrusive thoughts and suddenly everyone's like

😳

whats the matter babe, my mental health problems not palatable enough for you? :/

#told a coworker that some ppl have intrusive thoughts like assaulting ppl #and his face was just like the emoji #'ur not a terrible person'#would u still feel like reassuring me if u knew abt the thoughts i was beating back with a stick?#like i could absolutely use a therapist #not for a diagnosis mind u just for. fucking. counselling.#bc obvs i cant be chronically relying on my friends to emotionally support me #they have their own stuff and emotional labour is a lot and i know that but still #sometimes i just feel like. fuck. like just.#could u just listen to me for five fucking minutes #and reassure me that im not a terrible person #and that everything will be alright #because i can tell myself and do self affirmations but fuck #sure would be nice if i felt like someone other than me believed that too #like i think i could rely on my roomie but she doesnt do physical contact lmao #and i could prob talk to my sis or mum but i would Rather Not plus they would probably cry #and i want someone who's gonna be calm about it hahaaa #dont ask if im back on my meds yet <3 #as unhealthy as my childhood friendships were they were also the most honest #we were Very Open abt how fucked up we were #unfortunately we just like fed into each other #but now trying to be honest just feels like a Fucking Joke #and not even in a 'trying to downplay so i dont cry' way #more like 'im not taking this conversation seriously Unless ur crying'#gods i feel like a fucking teenager trying to get ppl to take my emotions seriously again what the fuck #like sorry for being an emotionally unstable 30yo i guess?? are u really gonna try to shut me down abt it??#like who are u my father lmfao fuck OFF #like im fine with the person that i am!!! why isnt anyone else?? im not a child!!!

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stellacadente · 2 months

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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get

#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering #bc i wasn't able to tell them #and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these #distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself #and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it #scares me #but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself #for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et #just every bad thing under the sun #but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn #it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little #but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe #whatever others lead me to believe #and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for #other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less #and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand #but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm #interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes #and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark #i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk #and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh #it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself #well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself #that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months #that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so #sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings #and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with #suicide tw #sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment

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bunnyboy-juice · 2 months

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blah blah blah blah blah

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raulfernandez · 10 months

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God I miss my friends...

#myself #I don't think I've ever felt this lonely which is crazy to say and 2020 me wouldn't believe it #but god I miss everything I ever had why can't we just go back???#l'd love to go back to my therapist but what's she gonna do anyways? same nothing she did the last times #I miss everything I ever was... but I never was anything. there's nothing special about me #how am I this easy to forget?#what am I saying I'm not even surprised #I don't want any fucking sympathy I just want to not be alone is that too much to ask for?#I just want somebody to hold me and tell me it'll all be okay who actually means it and doesn't just say empty words #sorry

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trannakinskywalker · 6 months

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#s.a. mention incoming->#I'm realising ng more and more i need to maybe get professional help im just being a pussy about it #last time i tried the therapist (who was from israel but i didn't know wjen i booked her) immediately victim blamed me #for my own assault when i was crying telling her what happened #literally the only person i had told at that point even though it was a year and a hakf later #it was so vile how are you gonna ask someone what THEY did to make that situation happen #ig it gave me trust issues with therapists bcs i havent tries ti find one again but atp #i need to talk with someone i feel lik i am nearing a breaking point as certsin habits and patterns are accumulating #i can recognise this migt lead somewhere bad tje pattenrs never lie!#this is such a pointless rant and i am mad bevause i was doing so well #the last thing i need to be cruel to myself #i need to find someone that isnt just going to say oh wow youre so self aware ok that'll be $150 #like bro i am slipping

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allyouzombies · 8 months

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screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!

#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite #the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life!#and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were #near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!!#i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and #have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and #are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without #realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time!#i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you #and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day #knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit #that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020 #but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will #i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had #and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty #but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger.#and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now.#guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!!#HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON!#ann with an ie #<- this was a nightmare to type out and feel but i wanna keep it around for whenever i get the balls to talk about it in therapy again

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kyoupann · 9 months

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Really looking forward to finally bringing the man, the legend, Ry☆ up in therapy next session. Like, are you really telling me I get to talk about the fucking grip he had on me for like 7-8 years and tell my therapist about how I maintained the hobby of literally categorising 95% of his online presence across multiple blogs and different social media; created a virtual closet based on the stuff he'd sometimes wear (down to the price shipping options overseas) as well as a catalogue of all his roles in stage plays and a video archive of his time as radio host. Like, why am I even paying to get diagnosed at this point. Ry☆ has had the answer all along, the bitch (affectionate)

#Ry☆#odorite #odottemita #I remember being like I love odottemita #(and I really do)#but my hyperfixation was the persona of Ry☆ LMAO #honestly how do I thank him for giving me a sense of purpose when I wanted to off myself at the ripe old age of 16 #cant believe I got the obsessed with a man type of 'tism #all jokes aside my therapist made me take multiple test and I scored super high an all the autistic traits hehehehehe #so that explains like a lot a lot #personal #LMAO AND I REMEMBER THINKING AND TELLING PEOPLE #I ONLY KEPT TRACK OF ALL HIS STUFF IN CASE PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE WANTED TO FIND HIS OLD STUFF LMAO #WHO WERE THE PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE I WAS REFERRING TO? ME! THAT'S ME NOW BAAAABYYY!!#BECAUSE WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE ALL THIS? NO ONE BITCH THIS GUY WAS YOUR OBSESSION AND YOURS ALONE #Like my way of coping was there's gonna come someone as normal about him as I am of course <3 I just want to make things easier <3

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heavenknowsffs · 1 year

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Sorry for another vent post but here goes

#like i'm not looking for a relationship ok ? but i met this guy and we've been hooking yp #but like he is being all sweet and caring and he is great don't get me wrong #he's like eddie munson i'm not gonna lie #but at the same time he doesn't get my jokes and when i make a sarcastic comment or something funny he always thinks i'm being honest #and then he's too sweet if it makes sense in normal convos? BUT if i am ganuinely distressed (which i am a lot you guys know)#he is just not very emotionally intelligent 😬 and like it's all fun and wtv but i feel like he might like me more than i like him #and i called him babe once bc i had this girl friend who calls everyone babe and i spent like 3 days with her so i called him that #and now he always calls me babe and i'm like 😐 pls stop but i can't tell him to stop bc it will seem rude #and yeah my friends that know him are like he's such a cool guy and so sweet and everything and it looks like we're dating #but like we're not man we're not i met him a few weeks ago #anyway i think in reality i'm trying to find bad things about him just so i can justify not liking him and sabotage the whole thing bc +#+ i'm too afraid lmao #i think i'm emotionally unavailable and don't want a relationship or feel ready for it at all #i feel like i'm starting that age most ppl have at 18/19 of exploring and just vibing except i should have gone through that then #but i never got the change bc of abusive relationships and being at home and not having freedom to just exist #and now i do and i feel like if i start dating someone i'll lose my freedom again #which should not even happen in a healthy relationship but that's how i feel #maybe will talk about this to my therapist see what he says #i think i know what he will say like 'you're just afraid don't think about it too much tell him how you feel'#and i HAVE told him generally how i feel and that i don't want to move mad about it and he was like 'no were just getting to know eachother

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nowandforalways · 11 months

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LOUIS MASKELL JUST SAID THAT MY CURLS ARE BETTER THAN HIS

2020 MARY IS QUAKING

(2023 Mary is also kinda quaking, ngl)

#i'm actually dying rn #like it's dumb how pleased i am #this is also gonna be very fun to tell my therapist about later lol #healing is fun! and twitter interactions with actors can be part of that! weirdly enough!#it's also funny cause my curls are usually not that good #i don't have the time or patience to take care of them properly #but i did try for my Frodo costume #glad it paid off :P #hehehe

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house-in-the-backyard-trees · 1 year

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i am unwell ☺️

#had some not nice thoughts today when i was gonna shave my legs so i had to not shave my legs or it wouldve ended badly #am i gonna tell my therapist that u havent self harmed? yes bc technically i havent. she doesnt ask me if i think about it she just asks #if ive done it #and that is how i justify not telling her #cause i really dont think i ever go like 2 weeks without at least thinking about it #but i don't do it #i thonk the last time i did it was probably a year ago? like i remember vividly the moment doing it but cant remember /when/#anywho. didnt shave my legs so dodged a bullet. am i at every single inconvenience saying im gonna kms? like more than usual?#yeah! are we veering into concerning territory? yeah! am j gonna day anything? no! cause i don't like being a burden!#and sometimes i feel like i like feeling depressed!#now that i overshared im gonna go watch my comfort youtube and eat some yogurt and granola and go to bed cause i have work at 4 am 🤮#tw self harm #tw suicidal thoughts

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scoutpologist · 1 year

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realizing i have religious obsessions and intrusive thoughts/fears is very much a harrowing experience. unfortunate vibes!

#op #gonna refer to it as an obsession bc it is and my therapist said i can call it that #but. one of my big obsessions is how 'valid' i am in wanting to convert and this is SOOO embarrassing to admit #because i'm convinced that this obsession means i'm a terrible terrible fucking person and it causes sm pain #i literally feel like a liar and a fake and a horrible person and i had no idea this wasn't just a character flaw that meant i'm awful #but instead is like. Mental Illness actually #it's liberating as hell to realize this doesn't mean anything and it's not a moral failing but also terrifying cause i just have to Sit #with the terror that everyone hates me and wants me to die and i deserve it because of something silly #that seems Very rational to me!! it seems so rational in my head!!!#but the moment i tell someone about it (haven't explained this one in detail bc of fear) they're like 'but that's not true'#like i KNOWWW it's not true but i'm so convinced i'm terrible because i'm a horrible evil intruder #like girl what. what does that mean #also they're not like normal religious obsessions and fears they're more about community and belonging and intruding and shit #it's weird

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rigginsstreet · 1 year

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sometimes i'll be watching a video or reading up about a certain mental illness from people living with it and im like "oh some of these things are hitting..." but not to an extent that it debilitates my life? but also it feels like its certainly happening more than it should for like normal people lmao and i can never tell if these are just symptoms of my anxiety that cause certain feelings to be heightened or if theres something else going on

#just like for example #im watching this video about schizophrenic delusions #and the ladys talking about how she personally has a thing about mirrors and feeling like theres always a camera in them #or how shes always aware of cops around her because she has a thing about being followed by cops #and im sitting here like oh yeah i too am hyper aware of cops around me cuz i think im gonna end up getting arrested for a crime i didnt #even know i committed #but like thats probably just my anxiety #i do not think im schizophrenic btw im just using this as an example since im here #anyway my point is i'll hear about symptoms sometimes and be like 'oh yeah i have that more than a regular person probably does but also im #aware enough of them generally to be able to ignore it and not let it consume me so its probably a non issue then'#except there are other things where if brought to my attention i literally cannot let it go #but then that also my just be phobia related #like theres some things where if someone mentions it to me i will not be able to stop thinking about it and become very paranoid #im being vague cuz its about a fear i dont like telling people incase its used against me lmao #so you understand my position here #but again.... could just be phobia + anxiety coming together to fuck me up #i did have a therapist tell me once i might have ocd #thats another thing im always questioning #idk im doing a lot of talking im just thinking out loud here but like i would like to be able to go through life sometimes without being #plagued by such thoughts #(the paranoia and shit)

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horizontalsplash · 3 months

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okay at what point do i actually get concerned about ocd though bc there’s only so much people can tell me are health problems that i can ignore before it starts. becoming a different health problem

#vent in tags #‘don’t drink out of plastic it’ll hurt you!’ *only has plastic water bottle*#NOT DRINKING WATER FOR A MONTH IS WORSE. I AM GOING TO DRINK OUT OF THE PLASTIC WATER BOTTLE #AND EAT THAT THING. WHICH I HAVE TO MICROWAVE.#ITS PROBABLY MICROWAVE SAFE BC YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT #BUT JESUS CHRIST. I THINK I’M EXPERIENCING COMPULSIONS PERHAPS #ramblings #or if not actual compulsions then whatever comes before them #the Actual Problem ones are kind of bad. for me mentally.#and i have to HIDE why i’m DOING that bc if i externalize it #they’re either gonna say that’s valid or that’s something i should stop #and the problem is that i don’t know what’s true!!! i don’t know what’s toxic!!!#i’m an artist and i don’t fucking know what to do surrounded by things my brain is telling me could kill me slowly!!!#if i’m not fucking careful!!!#if i don’t wash my hands every time i touch something it thinks is toxic!!!#even if it’s not! even if it was just nearby or could have touched it tangentially!#is that ocd???#is it ocd if it’s an actual potential danger but no one else cares as much and you’re spiraling #i don’t even want to talk about the actual problem behind it #this is not the thing to be worrying about rn i’m not even in the county #*country #i think. maybe i should see a therapist again #i was. not expecting that to turn into a vent. oops #hi.#i don’t know if it’s better or worse than it looks bc i don’t know how it looks #i’m bad at talking about my problems #delete later

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