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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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even more prompts catchup

April 5th: What was school like for you, or what is it currently like for you if you are still in school? Elementary, high school, post-secondary?

i Hate/d school lmfao......like i do Like To Learn and Know Shit, and of course Sometimes / on some occasions it was like, hey i'm having a good to pretty great time at school, but those were usually Special occasions or teachers going out of their way to give us you know, fun projects / go beyond the Standardized Testing curriculum, which natch they couldn't always do / did require sort of going Above & Beyond, rather than being the constant, guaranteed experience of like hooray for school......it's like, oh hooray re: the Play Scenes my fourth grade english class did that was like, an Extra thing, where we got to audition and i just had a great time like oh right, clearly Theatre in retrospect, or hooray re: the field trips, or projects we did In Class, since i hated homework.......i was always that accursed (i mean, not accursed for Me, but) combination of "really a terrible student but also gets great grades" lmao i forever do things Last Minute but like, when i was At school, in class, i'd just power through whatever work there was then & there usually, and in middle school would sometimes do hw on the bus, as i was the last on the bus route to be picked up in the morning or dropped off in the afternoon, but as soon as i got home i was in Home Mode and yknow. didn't just sit down and continue School Stuff asap. also hardly ever Studying unless it's the night / morning before a test lmfao but i had a great memory for that stuff, so studying that last minute was like "yep, i Do remember this from going over it 2 seconds ago" so yknow, despite hating school / no good Study Habits(tm) or anything, i did fine. i also read a ton, at home or at school and at any other point. so i was also like, quiet and generally ~well behaved~ or whatever lol (the like "how are kids (or anyone) supposed to stay focused and on task for 7+ hours a day..." thing), segue into next paragraph

i also remember like, 3 day a week preschool being the first time i was, you know, in some sort of School and also around other kids that much, i did have this sense that like, somehow there were Rules that i wasn't following, not re: Classroom Rules or something, but wrt socializing with peers, like that everyone else had something going on in how they interacted which i wasn't gonna get right, & i had this sense of like, not really being Allowed to interact lmao, even being 4 years old i have a few distinct memories re: this of like, a) choosing to play by myself in the classroom or when outside, and b) my "best friend" being the one person who just like, chose to hang out with me lmfao, but i was like oh cool Having A Friend lmao, like i didn't Not want to have friends, i was just already aware of like, i don't feel like i can just up and interact w/these people and i don't feel like they want me to, and c) re: that being aware of whatever Rules Of Interaction existing and that i wouldn't meet them / abide by them and thus there'd be some kind of repercussion for not meeting those rules, and not being allowed, i remember that like. there was this other indoor playspace in the lower level and there were toys i wanted to play with but Refrained from, and it was like, why did 4 yr old me get the idea i Wasn't Really Allowed, and most of what i can theorize is that it was like, well other kids might want to play with that, and the Normal / Better kids should get priority lmao, and/or being nervous that it just might otherwise lead to some sort of Interaction i wouldn't feel ready for.....and d) sitting at a table with like whatever 4 or 5 other kids or something and amongst ourselves someone was like "oh put your foot in the middle if you're [x]" and i tried to join in on a technicality lmfao and also just in, you know, active efforts to be Participating with these other kids on their terms, and it did not pay off, something that repeated uhhhhh, forever i guess lol. insert that post like can allistic people be normal for 5 seconds.....

like in elementary school i wasn't really making friends either, incredibly, i was Amicably Tolerated by many people then & like, again also at any point after at least lmao (and it helps that i was generally in teachers' good graces, not that i narced on anyone ever, but i had like, my Niche as the Academically Successful One, and also i was the kid who draws, another shoutout to some post and tweet about how being The Drawing Kid was like, some measure of respect but also disdain lmfao...) and sometimes people would again like. choose to interact with me repeatedly, and i'd sort of be nonplussed at best b/c it's like, okay thanks but in this situation i didn't Choose this any more than i choose [Trying to be in the group but being rejected/excluded], so it's kinda weird, i was friends with someone for a few years in elementary school but we just were Coincidentally in the same class for those years, when we were in different classes in 3rd or 4th grade and just weren't seeing each other it fizzled out, in middle school i made another couple friends where we were all being Funny lmao, but i didn't go to high school, so once again we weren't seeing each other, and [At School] was where i always had most Interactions with people, didn't see people much outside of school even if we were hanging out / being friends During school, for [a whole tangent] reasons, so. guess the good news is i'm still in touch / friendly acquaintances with some people from school from college, but even then, there was Some more social success or whatever, but not all That much, and i was still unhappy like, not having many friends, often being like "i'm going to the cafe a block away b/c i have no social occasions here and i want to get out of the dorm / be around people," that if i was with more than one other person i could end up the third wheel friend lmao or nobody is paying attention when you talk or oh no i put myself out there hanging with a friend group but maybe people thought you were a joke or something, thanks. smh

and that like, speaking of college, i went early but this was, for my part, truly primarily driven like "well i hate school so if i can Not go to high school, okay" and like, while i got in and everything it was still like "tf is college, i've never known what i Want To Do so i wonder if i'll figure this out, but i'm not expecting to last past the first semester / year b/c this is college and i'm a terrible student actually lol" but then turns out i kept doing well enough like A's & B's like oh woops i guess i'm still here, then, hope i can figure out what tf "credit hours" means (finally did lol).....then sophomore year was a bunch of just Agonizing over "what tf do i major in," something i never figured out, wherein i might bring something up & it got parentally shot down like "never heard you talk about that" like what tf Did you hear me talk about? are you thinking i had my life figured out by age 9, b/c i didn't think that, i'm only 15/16 even Now, even being the Regular college age it's like, nobody's figuring their life out then. also i didn't tell my parents things, so. and then i settle on something that sure, Might've been of interest, but also it was like, a) a program that barely existed and req'd taking classes at a like 30 min away campus and also the head of department had Just retired and the most heinous teacher in the related fields was now in charge, brilliant and b) the sort of thing you'd just wanna start taking prerequisites for like as soon as you set foot on campus, like, great. and c) i was like, hardly feeling all the Academic Ambition anyway b/c i never had, b/c i hate/d school, and b/c i still didn't Know what i wanted to major in, and i was stressed n depressed and also realizing oh right, i'm not cishet, and oh right, i'm never going to get along with my family b/c [long tangent] reasons and that's kind of concerning, here i am impending Being 18 and like, how do i get out of this b/c it's becoming clearer that i'm not just gonna start getting along with the 'rents now that i'm not an elementary schooler and also now that i'm realizing the Reasons being at home sucks. guess i learned stuff in college lol but also it was like, the experience of getting to be Away From Home and existing every day without parents literally / figuratively over my shoulder at some point every day, and getting to do shit on my own and figure things out while Not At Home.....i also had a lot of fun taking a couple classes from this one music prof lol. he was this weird really enthusiastic and really knowledgeable guy lmao like great, these evening classes where we go over to the arts building and he plays things on the piano off the cuff and tells a lot of tangential stories while we're learning about like, beethoven technically, or folk music. didn't need those classes but they were great, i've had these teachers who were totally into whatever they were teaching and had a great time with that

also acknowledgment to the fact i was a No Extracurriculars person all through school, k thru 6 and college alike really, although i took dance class for that k thru 6 period, just that was separate from school actually (and another fun "being away from home" thing and Theatresque performance thing i enjoyed) but besides that it was like, how do i figure out what i want to do without committing to joining this whole thing, i don't know How to sign up for stuff really either, and it'd probably entail "asking for stuff" and needing to coordinate more rides and etc and that's just a hassle, and i wanna go home from school asap anyways, and then like, when it came to college, i was again at first thinking like "well idk what i'm doing and i hate homework so i'll probably mess it up in this first year anyways" and figured that doing anything Extra outside classes was just gonna be too much, and also, it's like, i've never been in these kinds of groups before and why am i gonna start in college, where there'll probably be all these people who Have done this stuff before, and are also 18? e.g. even though it was like "hey you're away from home and don't have to ask/tell anyone else anything to do this club stuff or whatever!" supposed ideal environment for trying stuff out, it was like, maybe i'm theoretically interested in auditioning for the fall theatre production, but the last acting experience i had was like, "2 month drama class in middle school" or "that 4th grade [section of a] play" so like, not really Any education or experience or Training re: any of that stuff, and a bunch of 18 yr olds who might've, or [age peers] who were theatre people who had already done stuff so they weren't getting Lead Roles or anything but they were getting cast / taking classes / joining an a capella group while i'm like right on, i'm over here with some sort of Grade Honor Society (??) saying my gpa qualifies me to join and be able to experience some further academic rigor/requirements lmfao and i'm like absolutely not. get away lol. anyways so bit of a chaotique Post K12 Zone Education Experience there lmfao, all kinds of things i'd Like to Learn and even take classes on, but didn't like, right i love learning languages but never took classes, love math and shit but only got to a certain level of calc and even then seemed to miss some Lore, never did anything re: theatre, etc and so on. so you wonder if some advantages re: high school would be like, more chances for those extracurriculars (or regular curriculars) but, as though i wouldn't have the same qualms about getting in on any of it, and as if i wouldn't've still hated school but also still been at home, F. and i think people can be a lot more normal to each other when it's college and you're Not stuck in one building together 8 hours a day lmao, got some gentle "occasional Bullying style attention" in middle school, but had juuust enough like, [that Niche of good grades / kid who draws] and people who Were friendlier to me that it was you know, unpleasant, but didn't have to be that huge a deal, and then i was outta there soon enough. also, in college many people are 18 or older, as opposed to 11 to 13. anyways the rest of my school story was that in the end the problems were "i don't know what i want to major in and also now's a worse time than ever b/c i've realized my existence At Home is untenable, and naturally i am quite depressed & stressed about things, and i gotta say absolutely virtually every adult presence was either totally unhelpful to Counterproductive here lmao, like, not much anyone could do really but it's helpful when someone is like, i'll treat you like a person vs simply just going 'uh why are you not doing the academic stuff good enough'" lmfao like. the whole time Not having friends i'd wanna talk to through class and happening to get good grades in part b/c i somehow Could as easily as i did and also i was afraid of getting C's or worse b/c "tfw i wasn't even yet in a grade that gave you A thru F grades yet but my older sister caught shit for getting a C

like :/" and etc means adults are like My Student Is Fine, and also, what are you gonna do even if they aren't, i guess. i just had to figure out completely for myself Why and How i really wasn't Fine and that was quite difficult and also took a long time. then there was a mutual prank of "i drop out of college at the tail end of things" and "now i have to be at home with parent/s more resentful of your obvious Waywardness (insert: not being cishet, and the fact it occurs to me that my being autistic was always causing 'problem' behavior i was getting shit for like, the whole time lmfao, even if nobody knew / labeled it like oh this is for ND reasons, or if it was both true i tried to come out (smh, thought i Had to b/c that was part of Not Being Cishet) and it was simply ignored / unaddressed and yet it sure fueled further specific resentment of my not Performing Gender properly, or "worse," so that went well, in that i eventually abruptly left and did not maintain contact, in the interest of "the levels to which i was thriving was like, that if i bailed and like died 50 hrs later it'd still be what i want to do," true to that i did not / don't regret it. and what do you know, i was first able to bail to a relatively nearby friend from college's home, whose family also liked me lmao. shoutout to school still being where i made Any friends, except a friend i made who was a coworker of several years. and Online Friends, which, another school connection, that like, i can more readily Connect w/people via talking about interests, something that happened Sometimes at school in person lmao but not much, but also that i Talk About Interests in a way through Drawing, which, well shoutout to doodling in the margins of papers throughout school lmfao, it didn't hurt! that's my saga.

oh and that footnote, i also really enjoyed the "in middle school you either take language classes or 4 Electives you rotate through each year" and those electives sure featured some more varied and hands on activities i had a great time with. shoutout to like, cooking, and to shop class, my Car Designs were great apparently, idk how. shoutout to my Intuition re: engineering or something lmaoo.....very fun to just end the schoolday in that big garage space where you could actually open that garage door right to where all the buses were, beautiful. Oh, and that's another footnote, when my last class of the day in 8th grade was english, i'd sometimes finish work early and my teacher would let me go to our spacious library, with the v nice librarian who'd recommend books to me she thought should be checked out more often b/c she knew i liked to read that much, and also just generally had teachers / other adult staff kinda wandering in at the end of the day, talk about "i don't really relate to other ppl my age" where i did generally prefer to be around adults, so that was fun. oh and also shoutout to hating school lmao wherein during like, middle school when the schoolday started at like 7:30am or smthing disgusting and i just learned to like, view whatever time it was in a "at least it's almost [x]" like well okay, first period is math and that kinda sucks but at least once it's over this hardest part of the day will be over, then next class is kinda more chill at least, and then it'll be the last period before lunch, etc etc etc where i could sort of keep up that stamina like telling myself at any point it was Almost [a more encouraging time of day] lmao like. kinda fucked up to have to be dragging yourself through the weekdays like that, but

Oh! goddamn and i didn't even get into that if i ever got in ~trouble~ in elementary school it was stuff like Not Paying Attention, but where half the time that might be some other kid beside me messing around lmfao and i'm not gonna be like "uhhh follow the rules!!!" (and that even when i was In Trouble like go sit in the chair where you have to be quiet there for like 10 min i might say something to some other kid in that zone and they'd be like "um it's the quiet chair you have to be quiet!!" or "uh we're getting into the next lesson and you have to put that book back asap" like wow these other kids are dweebs about Rules lmfao) and there'd just be times like, it's 1st grade and i know how to read pretty well already but we're going over the alphabet like stoppp i know the Phonics already........or the ways ND people can kind of Intuit some stuff more successfully, like in third grade learning multiplication i neverrrrr studied but just broke it down like, okay i remember the Fives b/c of telling time, i know the 2x table and stuff, i know the commutative property, if we're all the way at the 8x and i haven't Memorized stuff, i can still like, break it down to say, [5 x 8] + [8 x 2] or something when i see 8 x 7, even if it takes a second lmfao.......and stuff like the tragedy of when i Did make a friend in like, 2nd grade, who i think we didn't even talk to each other ever?? i was playing legos or smthing by myself once during Indoor Recess and she just started playing agreeably along with me, aka someone socializing on My Terms apparently as our Introduction, and we just were friends past that but one time, not even during a Lesson Session, we were messing around quietly making each other laugh as the incredibly important process of "put papers in your folders" was going on, and since we were Not Paying Attention for some reason the teacher made a whole example of it where i had to carry my desk across the classroom for the Shaming Element of it and also so that i had to permanently sit way further from that friend, so that was kind of discouragement re: interacting at all. thank you to that teacher, who'd later once Gesticulate to me from across the gym that i should put my arms down at my sides rather than being crossed (we were rehearsing some class performance) & i had no idea what she was trying to convey, so afterwards she told me i had to have Reduced Recess Time or some shit because of Ignoring her instead of putting my arms down lmfao. and i was irritated at having been misinterpreted / my Intentions dictated to me and punished like that, but i was also used to it from adults lmfao and did not bother explaining myself lol like yeah god forbid i left my arms crossed on purpose and now i have to read some more during recess. tl;dr school has so much nonsense & i def had some Times re: being autistic & also just being someone who hated school forever lmao, think it was Also 2nd grade where one arbitrary sunday night i just cried out of frustration at having to go back for another normal school week. classic. oh and that also, while i wasn't like "oooo booksmart people who hate not having a Definitive Correct Answer to things &/or ohhh autistic ppl So Good at math, in a way everyone hates and disrespects, but they suck at Literature/Arts which requires you to reflect on humanity and shit," like, not only was i the drawing kid but i was also apparently ahead of the curve as it were at like, Literary Analysis lmfao where there was a few times in elementary school i'd be the kid providing the Interpretation like "what's this poem about / what's the theme or Symbolism in this story," but from elementary school to college it's like, for god's sake don't ask me to come up with a story / work with some really open ended prompt, i don't Invent in that way, and when i try to draw on Inspiration i'll get stuck on some specific source and be unable to do anything but just rip it off really lmao. but then again i was prolific in "it's 1st grade and you write and illustrate a little short story or smthing in these booklets

that we then have a simple little binding process for" like ohhh fancy, i got a tootsie roll lollipop at Awards Time for writing a shit ton of those lol. but that's like, when you're too young to have that much of a Creative Process anyways lmao. but then, my older sister, whose Thing was writing, has an incredible 2 Volume like, noir mystery saga from those elementary school times, it's a classic lmao. anyways once again so much to say about School lol closing the door after meandering on that one for this long lol

April 6th: Are you able to drive? If so, was it difficult to learn? What was difficult about it? If not, do you use any alternatives?

i did learn to drive, tbh just universally it's like, at any point you're driving there's A Lot to pay attention to at once, even if you think you're Good At That or whatever, which i sure don't think i always am lol, and it's pretty wild we just, you know, let everyone go around as fast as they want in machines that can kill you or someone else, and this is also Unnecessary b/c like, let's have accessible & reliable public transit so that everyone can travel without Needing to have a car / someone else who will drive them. i didn't think i had too much trouble learning to drive, but it had to help that i just took it very seriously from the start lmao like, well, i'm quite aware i could kill someone with this. the driving classes i took were alright, i remember the instructor being pretty chill and friendly lol. rip to the fact i could be tense when driving with parent/s, when driving a manual i'd always like screech the tires when accelerating out of a Stop, until all at once it was like "and i'm driving that manual car alone on a road trip & wouldn't you know it, only literally once did i have that issue of not getting out of a stop smoothly enough" lmao like the Anxiety......really like yeah i had an alright time learning and think i'm solid enough at driving / like doing it, theoretically, but Driving Is Wild just in general and let's have that public transit

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

i think i Usually get what people mean with these Devices but i can't really say lol, but anytime you know, someone is being more Implicit in what they say, plenty of times i can infer one implication and only later realize they probably meant a different one, or yknow, i make whatever initial inference i make and can be stuck like "???" and have to like, mentally run diagrams about the interaction lol......meanwhile i'm not always remembering that like, if i'm shifting context mentally that's necessarily able to be inferred by whoever i'm talking to lol, whether it's about getting into some adjacent topic or like, i don't think it tends to be very clear even in person when i've started being sarcastic lmao, like i know that can be true for anyone but it's like well, guess i gotta make it clearer i'm doing a bit......flipside of that or something lmao that people are more Obvious than they think they are sometimes about like, idk, when someone is sort of making some sarcastic remark to you but the sarcasm is also sort of only to themself, aka just like okay i know you mean this more dismissively / disparagingly than re: what you're saying just at face value lol like. just always fun >:/

#30daysofautismacceptance #2021 #you know that Read More means especially a saga even by my standards lmfao

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a-dozen-moderate-fragments · 4 years ago

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This isn’t going to be a manifesto on healing or mental health or any of those things, and not because I don’t have years of personal experience in those areas, but rather because the only experience I can talk about is personal. The things that worked for me aren’t guaranteed to work for anyone else, but they’re all I have. I just want to write down a bunch of stuff I’m thinking about. The story goes a little something like this:

Up until somewhere around two years ago I was very depressed – and I think it started when I was ten or so? One of the things that makes this so tricky to talk about is that I don’t remember most of it and it feels like I only woke up a few years ago. But that’s for another time. What matters today is that for a pretty decent chunk of my life, to varying degrees, I was not doing so great in the general head region. Around the middle of high school (so like 15-16 years old) this showed up as a gradually worsening spiral into self-hatred, suicidal ideation, and a general lack of function that reached its extreme early senior year (18 yrs old), with a generous helping of shitty behavior throughout. I’ll spare the details, but to briefly summarize: an attempt, a deliberately anonymized and untraceable plea for help, two days of protective hospitalization, and three very awkward sessions with a therapist, with whom I did not even slightly cooperate (lmao Sarah I’m sorry for being such an obstinate little shit, and to anyone who was here for the other blog at the time and saw what I wrote about the experience, you deserve the employee discount), and to an extent those things helped, but, and weird flex incoming, I think what really helped me recover my mind and pull my schoolwork and personal relationships out of the nosedive I’d put them in was laundry. Let me explain.

I started doing my own laundry around age 12. No particular reason; that’s just when I decided I was a ✨big boy✨ or whatever the fuck and asked my mom to teach me how to do it. And for a while it was entirely insignificant, just a thing I did in between all the other things I did. After my \\epic crisis moment// though, the task became more significant. As I sat with the flaming rubble of a self I’d left me, I knew three things: that I wanted to take this wreck and twist it into someone better, that I didn’t have the tools to do the job or even an idea of where to look for them, and that I’d start in the laundry room. The person I’d been had in every measurable way fallen the heck apart, but for some reason none of my issues interfered too badly with my ability to do laundry. Admittedly, it did often happen far closer to the last minute than it needed to, but regardless it always got done. No matter how much of a crisis I was in, by god I was going to at least be having that crisis in clean clothes. So when it came time to rebuild anew, that’s where I started. While I was gathering my dirty clothes to put in the wash, maybe I’d also pick up those papers off the floor, or maybe I’d glance through my email inbox while I was waiting for the dryer so I could have a few hours to prepare myself before I had to actually write an email. It took months and months of concentrated work and lots of fragile progress, but eventually, building outwards from “I am capable of doing laundry,” I made my way into one (1) reasonably stable and functioning human.

There were other factors, of course. Another big thing I did was to surround myself with better things. I removed myself as much as possible from people who might bring me back into my old patterns, and as much as possible surrounded myself with stories of positivity and growth and healing, and I learned to sing, and I found people both real and fictional to live for, and if I’m being honest? Part of it was being here on tumblr reading posts about cherry pies and flowers in the concrete and monsters and heroes blended into one, and I’m also sure there’s symbolism in the laundry ritual to dig into about cleansing and wiping away past transgressions and all that christian bullshit, but all of that stuff’s not really what I’m interested in here. I know at the start I said I only can talk about myself, but I think it’s useful to talk about what I did in general terms, to examine how a broken person with no idea how to mend can do so. These are what I take away from my experience with forcefully rebuilding myself: If you’ve only got one solid thing, you screw in a handhold and cling to it for all you’re worth. It can be the smallest or most unrelated thing and it does not matter; it will still crack open the door to further growth. It’s a fundamentally self-driven effort that takes a long time, but it gets a little easier if there’s another person in the equation, whether they be a friend, a family member, or even a fictional character. It’s far too easy to get frustrated with how little progress you seem to be making and give up, but having another person to fight for so they can have a better version of you can counter that. It might not be the 100% healthiest thing to define yourself by how you benefit others, but it helps. Bonus points if one of those people in the equation is a certified mental health professional. Be aware of what your subconscious is telling you as you go. You’re already in a state of reconstruction, so if there’s something you need to change, this is a good time to do it. If there’s something you find yourself idly thinking about a lot, examine it (hint hint trans hint. Not that that’s an obligatory part of this whole process but like. It was for me lmao). It’s hard and it sucks and progress is not linear nor is it guaranteed to stick 100% of the time but I promise it is so worth it and there will come a day when you no longer feel in danger of slipping and I’m proud of how far you’ve come and how far you’ll go.

And I don’t really have anything meaningful to say but as shit has this year has been in general, for the first time I remember I’m happy that I’m alive and I’m so glad I was able to claw my way to this point and I know I’ve got much farther to go but – and this is a radical statement for me – I genuinely do love who I’ve become and I’m excited to see where I go next, how much more genuinely and readily I can love and how many people I can care about and bring with me.

#sam speaks #soft bitch hours #again I've got nothing especially meaningful to say about all this I've just had these thoughts in my head for a while #and also hot damn! that's the most I've written in a while and definitely more than I intended to when I sat down #there's undoubtedly some typos in there but I'm not reading that back to fix them #also I'm sorry about my obsession with the comma. one day I'll learn that twelve clauses is too many for one sentence but alas #not this day #long post #anyway we now return you to your regularly scheduled pile of reblogs

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randomoranges · 4 years ago

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welcome to the past. the year is 2007-2008. i was in high school. i loved to write, but i only ever wrote fanfiction [which is cool]. but one day i decided to write my own - story of sorts. own characters and such. it was for the school paper - the french teacher had asked me if i wanted to have an ongoing thing of mine, since she knew i wrote and then my friend made 1-2 illustrations to go with the first 2 parts. the school paper never really picked up and so i never got to share the full story with an “audience” ever, except for my friend.

i was 16 at the time and the writing is very reflective of a 16 yr old girl. i’ve decided to post this, because there was never really a platform at the time that i knew of where i could post non fanfiction writing.

ive reread this part and i intent to post all the parts to this absurd little story of mine. ive kept it as it was, safe for a few corrected typos so obviously there are ways of thinking and terms that might sound - dated or more “perspective of a young girl who didnt really understand the world” and also, being 18 going 19 was totally rad and Old and Mature at the time ;)

if you’ve read this far and if you were into anime and manga at the time of the mid 2000s, im sure you can pick up on the influences i had with the main character. his whole personality is heavily based on 2 characters i loooooved from 2 different things i watched/read at the time.

i’m still weird dumbly fond of this fic, even if i wrote it nearly 15 yrs ago.

i dont expect anyone to read this. this is very splurgy and self-indulgent, but if you do give it a spin, i hope you find it ridiculous and absurd and that you don’t totally hate it :)

and now, may i give you, So Totally OP!

So Totally OP! part 1

No way! There was simply no way that I would do something as stupid as what I was about to do. No one would force me into the ridiculous costume no matter what they told me. I refused to do it. They could try whatever they wanted but it was out of the question. Many would wonder, why don’t you do it? It’s only for a day. Sure, first it would be for one day, but then they would want me back and I would have to be an entire different person for them. After all, who couldn’t resist my talent?

The deal I had made with my twin sister wasn’t a very pleasant one. We are both aspiring actors and to top it off we are identical twins. For this audition, they needed a girl and a man who dressed up like a girl. Naturally, I had to be the cross- dresser. It’s not that I minded putting on the ridiculous female clothes and playing the part, I just knew that after the audition, I would be accepted and I would need to wear this ridiculous costume for the better part of the year.

Some might wonder, what’s so bad about that? The only answer I could give them was that of a “desperate guy looking for cute girl.” I care for my sister deeply and I know that the company can’t go on without my brilliant acting, but there are some things that the male pride and ego would never allow. Especially someone with my status and my talent.

Just as I was about to get ready to call my manager and give him a piece of my mind about the ridiculous affair, the telephone started ringing loudly, too loudly. Mumbling curses to myself, I got out of my armchair and made my way graciously towards the phone. There wasn’t anything about me that wasn’t beautiful, breathtaking, and magnificent or as many would tell me, perfect.

“Yes?” I said as I put the receiver to my pierced ear.

“Taro, get your perfectly fine piece of @$$ over here in a skirt before the director cooks my head for dinner!” My manager yelled to me. I could just imagine his enraged face with his black beady eyes looking frantically at my clear cerulean ones. His face would redden as he spoke and sweat would drizzle from his scalp, to his forehead, to his cheek and finally end its voyage on his neck. Not a very pretty picture, but not everyone could be born the way I was. We can’t all be perfectly beautiful.

“I told you Ben, I am not doing this. I refuse to dress up as a woman!” I replied in my perfect deep voice; a sound that would make any girl faint right there and then. How did he even want me to speak in those high notes that girls of eighteen spoke in?

“Taro, you’re eighteen going on nineteen. This is the type of role that could land you right there with the big shots! You could get an Academy Award for this and be one of the youngest male actors to get one. Think about the future of your career!” I knew Ben meant well and he was a nice guy once you got to know him. Finally, after a little pleading I accepted and went to put on my costume. Knowing my sister, she was probably already there.

I slipped on a bra that was stuffed with things that I never heard of and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked ridiculous! The tank top came next and already I could see the transformation. I was lucky to have a little hair on my slender legs so I didn’t need to wax. That I had really refused to do! I put on the mini skirt and the stiletto heels and walked a bit in my flat. Thank you modeling school! Beauty really paid off after all. I combed my medium long jet-black hair and applied very little make up. Finally I took one of my sister’s purses to make it all look credible. I took one glance in the mirror and I had to admit that despite the fact that I was a handsome man, I made a gorgeous woman.

I left the flat and walked through the busy streets of town to get to the director’s office. As I was walking, I noticed men staring at me with hungry eyes. If they even dared put one of their un-manicured fingers on my clean clothes, they wouldn’t be able to see properly for the rest of their days.

As I turned a corner, a person walked into me and stumbled a little. I helped the person up and noticed it was a man. His eyes widened with shock and he embraced me in his arms.

“Darling, there you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” He held on to me longer and took my hand in his. I was too shocked to say anything and I simply followed him…

CURRENT: I NEXT: II

#so totally op!#fic #original writing #old writing

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xbreezymeadowsx · 4 years ago

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200 Questions

No one asked me to do it but I made @sharpiewashere do it so it’s only fair I suffer through, too.

200: My crush’s name is: Zach because husband but also... Tommy motherfuckin’ Flanagan

199: I was born in: New Hampshire

198: I am really: horny and annoyed

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: like 10.5W I think.

194: My ring size is: I think it’s a 9.

193: My height is: 5’ 3”

192: I am allergic to: cats and crop dust

191: My 1st car was: old ass shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee

190: My 1st job was: at a stand in a city mall where we had an inflatable slide and two bounces houses and served sno cones, smoothies, and novelty ice creams

189: Last book you read: Fangs by Sarah Andersen

188: My bed is: fuckin’ broken and uncomfortable and clearly not big enough for myself and my bedhog husband.

187: My pet: 1 old black cat.

186: My best friend: Yuki (that bitch is my best best best friend and I miss her to pieces)

185: My favorite shampoo is: Garnier Whole Blends: Honey Treasures

184: Xbox or ps3: Fuck both. Switch.

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: nada at the moment

181: On my calendar: is scribbles from my kid

180: Marriage is: Don’t marry a redneck!

179: Spongebob can: stop. Give me the early Bob but that’s it.

178: My mom: loves Unicorns

177: The last three songs I bought were? Wap metal version, Room with a Zoo, Shoop

176: Last YouTube video watched: GabSmolders playing Control

175: How many cousins do you have? technically only 2 by blood and actual familial connections. 6 if you count some others. 9 if you count step-cousins.

174: Do you have any siblings? 1 big Seester!

173: Are your parents divorced? Yeah

172: Are you taller than your mom? Maybe? IDK, we’re both shorties

171: Do you play an instrument? sadly, no.

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept and worked

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: yes

166: Yourself: HA, you’re funny.

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: these are...

163: Hell: ... kinda loaded...

162: God: ... questions

161: Horoscopes: maybe

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: yes

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: unfortunately neither.

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s outta these choices but I’d take Steak’N’Shake over either.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk and Dark.

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Zach can be sweet (he certainly isn’t ugly to look at) and we’re definitely on the poor side.

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi (anybody remember Pepsi Twist? That was the best!)

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: Buried I guess. Though, if I’m cremated, my ashes need to be spread in one place and no separating them.

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I am a redneck, these things don’t mean anything to me.

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Either? I shop Wal-Mart all the time out of convenience but I do like Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I am overall not a fan of either barring a select couple movies (like Heavyweights and Little Nicky)

128: Manicure or Pedicure: no thanks.

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: Can I go to a Zoo instead?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I’ll say Sox because New England but I don’t particularly care for baseball.

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: there’s a time and place

121: George Bush: he’s an idiot?

120: Gay Marriage: yay!

119: The presidential election: tearing families apart because people are stupid and vote for Trump

118: Abortion: this is a bit of a grey area for me. While I firmly believe in “my body, my choice”, I do not accept that argument if you are constantly getting them as if it is a form of birth control. Use proper contraceptives you slut.

117: MySpace: does that even exist anymore?

116: Reality TV: certain ones can assume me.

115: Parents: love them even when you don’t like them.

114: Back stabbers: pussies.

113: Ebay: never used it

112: Facebook: is reserved for pictures of kids, pets, funny videos and memes, and gifs.

111: Work: shitty... literally

110: My Neighbors: I’m just glad they aren’t the cousin-fuckers or the Methicans anymore.

109: Gas Prices: it takes like 20 bucks to fill my tiny car gas tank so whatever.

108: Designer Clothes: never fit me

107: College: didn’t go.

106: Sports: HA. My fat ass play sports? Maybe Badminton or Tetherball but that’s it.

105: My family: lives too far away.

104: The future: needs to be better than now.

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: like 20 mins ago when my kid was trying to suck up to me to get a sip of my frappe.

102: Last time you ate: two hours ago.

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Zane’s first day of school this year. Miss Angie came over to see him off in the morning.

100: Cried in front of someone: probably a few weeks ago.

99: Went to a movie theater: Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2.

98: Took a vacation: three years ago.

97: Swam in a pool: probably close to 8 or more years ago.

96: Changed a diaper: 4-5 yrs ago.

95: Got my nails done: professionally? never. By Zane? last weekend.

94: Went to a wedding: three years ago.

93: Broke a bone: never. dislocated shit though.

92: Got a piercing: over a decade

91: Broke the law: probably frequently without realizing it.

90: Texted: couple mins ago.

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: oh I’m a funny bitch

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing? fuck this house. fuck this town. fuck this state. I wanna go HOME home.

87: The last movie I saw: Smokin’ Aces 2

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: my nephew’s birth and the vacation we plan to take to see him!

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: the travel for the vacation stated above.

84: People call me: a lot of things. most of them true.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus

80: The first person i talked to today was: my husband

79: First time you had a crush: I had a massive crush on Shawn Micheals as a kid.

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my Seester

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably someone in the Flanaclan Chapel

76: Right now I am talking to: the Flanaclan on and off

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m supposed to grow up?

74: I have/will get a job: yes

73: Tomorrow: is Halloween

72: Today: I’m horny and annoyed

71: Next Summer: is a long time away

70: Next Weekend: work

69: I have these pets: already answered

68: The worst sound in the world: right now I’d have to say it’s Zane clucking his tongue.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself? or more specifically my anxiety brain.

66: People that make you happy: my Flanaclan friends, my bff, my sister.

65: Last time I cried: a few weeks ago

64: My friends are: on the internet and/or mostly too far away

63: My computer is: a hunk of shit laptop

62: My School: never going ever again.

61: My Car: looks like the car emoji.

60: I lose all respect for people who: beat animals

59: The movie I cried at was: recently? Up

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: SOA, SVU, SWAT, wrestling, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Supernatural

56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England, all that.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: dislocating my knee

53: How do you like your steak cooked: med rare

52: My room is: some boring off-white

51: My favorite celebrity is: Tommy Flanagan

50: Where would you like to be: New Hampshire

49: Do you want children: I have 1 and that’s 1 too many.

48: Ever been in love: yup

47: Who’s your best friend: didn’t I already answer this?

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls nowadays. guys around here suck.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: reading Chibs fics, staring at Flanagan

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Flanagan

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I did not.

40: Last person I got mad at: me

39: I would like to move to: for the millionth time, New Hampshire

38: I wish I was a professional: dog sitter/walker

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons

36: Vehicle: 90′s Ford Ranger, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Gladiator, Ford Shelby GT350R

35: President: certainly not the fuckin’ current one.

34: State visited: Massachusetts

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Aleister Black, Drew McIntyre, Luchasaurus, Sonny Kiss (and fuck you if you try to tell me they aren’t athletes)

31: Actor: Tommy Flanagan

30: Actress: Millie Bobby Brown

29: Singer: Ville Valo

28: Band: HIM

27: Clothing store: don’t care.

26: Grocery store: don’t care.

25: TV show: Law & Order: SVU (as much as I’d love to say SOA, Law & Order was my first real love)

24: Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You

23: Website: tumblr, youtube

22: Animal: dogs, wolves

21: Theme park: Zoos

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: professional wrestling, football, hockey

18: Sport to play: nothing that requires that much energy

17: Magazine: don’t read them much

16: Book: the House Of Night series and sequel series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast (I don’t care that I’m probably too old for them now, I love them)

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: Hampton Beach, NH

13: Concert attended: 69 Eyes headlined (opening with Night Kills The Day, then Fair To Midland which were fine but also Wednesday 13!!!!!)

12: Thing to cook: fajitas

11: Food: apple fritters/apple cider donuts

10: Restaurant: Panda Express I suppose.

9: Radio station: WGFA

8: Yankee candle scent: Midsummers Night

7: Perfume: don’t wear perfume so much as body spray and it’s usually something like cucumber melon or some baked goods scent.

6: Flower: Tiger Lillies

5: Color: Green- specifically Forest/Hunter

4: Talk show host: idk I used to watch Maury all the time, does that count?

3: Comedian: George Carlin

2: Dog breed: Pittie mixes, mutts, labs, medium to big short haired breeds

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes I did.

#200 questions #jeez that took a long time #do it #i dare you

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smokelesseyes · 5 years ago

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Hello fellow treasure planet fan!!! First off, I'd like to start by saying I love your OC Sky!!! She's very cool and I'm loving her story so far! And, if you don't mind, I'd love to know more about her! Especially if there's anything connected between her and the main cast of characters. Another question; can I please draw her? :)

Aw hello! Thank you so much for reaching out! The Treasure Planet fandom seems so small, and OCs are even rarer to come across!! SO, I’m happy to be able to talk to you! :D AHHHHH thank you so much!! I love her and have been working on her story when I have time (I’m currently one week out from finishing my college semester so I’m pretty busy but am trying my best to doodle and create when I have the time).

AH gosh, okay, what would you like to know specifically? I finished her profile art wise but still need to do the write up portion. I think I have her story mostly squared away so I can answer any burning questions that you might have about her O3O Main characters! Okay, well, she actually knows Silver; I guess I’ll have to provide some back story to explain how they meet, so let me set the stage for ya XD So, as I have mentioned, Sky lives with her great aunt and little sister in a small, rural town on a planet a little farther out than Montressor. Her parents die suddenly when she is 8/9 yrs old and her her great aunt falls ill when she is around 11. It is around when her great aunt falls ill that she takes over as the main breadwinner of her ragtag family, running the several generation bakery and caring for her sister and great aunt (note: Sky’s great aunt isn’t completely incapacitated, but she has become wheelchair bound due to her illness so she cannot run the bakery as she did before. She mainly offers assistance and advice to Sky to help her with the baked goods and watches her youngest great grand niece (still deciding on her name XD).

Sky is able to maintain her family’s income and run the bakery with her great aunt’s help for the first few years, but things become sticky after taxes are increased in the town astronomically, putting out a majority of the rag tag businesses or forcing them to sell out/ give their deeds to one of the wealthiest, plundering families who happen to have great influence over Sky’s town and neighboring counties (the ones who may or may not have suggested upping the taxes to seek more control). The bakery is no different, and when Sky notices their running out of money/ability to keep the bakery open, she knows she needs to come up with a quick way to make money, and fast.

This is what leads to Sky offering her intellect and skills for profit; AKA, Sky offers her services in tinkering to those down by the pier several miles out from her little town. Since her world is fairly behind and more misogynistic than others, Sky disguises herself as a boy in order to freely navigate through the bustling port and offer what she has to those who are interested.

Of course, she soon learns that she isn’t going to get enough customers or money from people right with the law; why trust a 13 year old “boy” to handle some tech issue you have when you can pay an apprentice with the education and skill? And even if they do take her up on her offer, she gets paid even less than what she wants, which will make it impossible for her to actually pay for the bakery and her family’s basic needs.

Sooo...She crosses over into the black market.

People running from the law are more desperate and willing to pay more to get something fixed. Sometimes people can be rough (she got some scars to prove that) but most times, things go good. She’s not only able to make enough extra cash to support her family and bakery, but can also perform a service that happens to be her passion. So all in all, it’s good.

And, it is here that she runs into, you guessed it: Silver. After being on the run for a few months (post Treasure Planet), Silver stops by the dingy little port and is in a pretty big need to get a part looked at (I don’t know what yet, but just that it’s something Silver himself can’t just hit a few times and fix XD). He soon hears the rumors about a young engineer with sharp eyes and tongue who appears around the port a few times a week, and can fix anything you ask him to, for a price. With this info, Silver sticks to the shadows and makes work of tracking this engineer down, and when he does, it’s Sky.

Sky of course, goes by “Larz” when she is undercover. She’s about 15-16 at this point, so she knows her way around the port. She offers her assistance to Silver, and the two strike a bargain (Sky is much more stubborn than Silver thought) and she fixes whatever his issue is fairly quickly and impressively. Her skill and coded, mysterious nature intrigue Silver, and so, he finds himself watching her over the next couple days that he hides out at the port, wondering what it is that makes the boy so interesting.

I’m thinking that on one of these times, Silver steps in when one of “Larz’s” clients are getting a little too rough, which annoys Sky and sets her off, as she can take care of herself, thank you very much. And it’s that spark that Silver sees that reminds him of Jim, and oh no John, do NOT get yourself invested in another kid-

But it’s hopeless. Jim’s made him soft for clearly under appreciated, trodden down, brilliant teens, and Silver finds him with yet another troubled (different sort of troubled though) teen. The two end up talking, and actually meet up every time to chat at the port while Silver is there then next couple of days and Sky comes to offer her services.

Well, more so, Silver goes out of his way to “run” into her, and eventually, Sky gives in and joins him for a conversation (annoyed or not, the guy did save her from a pretty nasty brawl AND had been nothing but kind to her since, looking out for her and all. Plus, if he did try anything, Sky knew 8 ways off the top of her head to dismantle him, so she was prepared).

And the conversation goes pretty well, leading to several more before Silver leaves after his few days (still on the run and all that, heh), but he comes by every couple of months to see her and catch up. Sky still keeps her disguise and Silver doesn’t pry, but he’s pretty much figured out that she’s not who she says she is (Sky’s smart and can outsmart most of the pirates at the belly of the port, but not Silver).

This is just the beginning though; there’s a whole lot more that goes on between them, but I think this is what I will share for now (also I don’t wanna make you read anymore cause I know it’s a lot XD). You’ll have to tell me what you think! :D

Oh, and before you ask, yes, she does eventually meet Jim, but the two get off on sort of a rocky start (some jealousy with Silver and all that, but the relationships Sky and Jim have with Silver are not the same; Silver and Jim have that father & son thing going on, where as Silver and Sky have a “friendship, but also mentor” sort of thing. Jim doesn’t realize that though so he doesn’t like Sky all that much, and Sky’s not a big fan of men in uniform, so he can hate her all he wants and it’s no skin off her nose. Basically, bad first impressions, so we will see where it goes~).

And finally: YES OF COURSE YOU CAN DRAW HER!! AHHH I’M SO HONORED YOU WOULD EVEN ASK!! THANK YOU!! TTuTT

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ashleysheatz · 6 years ago

Text

My FULL Testimony:

trigger warning: I mention some very hard things to read for some. proceed with caution! and don’t read this if you are not an adult.

My name is Ashley Huizar and this is how Jesus Christ changed my life. I never grew up in a religious-based household, or with anyone who was seeking for truth. I lived with my mother my entire life since she and my dad never married, and they split up when I was 3 yrs old. At a very young age, I was exposed to lots of sexual immorality such as pornography and crude, sexual talk. This soon led me to get enslaved in the sin of indulging in pornography as young as 11 or 12 yrs old and this continued for many years. At 15 years old I became VERY rebellious. I was promiscuous, jumping from relationship to relationship, smoking, sneaking out at night, lying to my mother where I was going, drinking, and partying. Not too long after, I soon began to dabble into New Age, Hinduism, Buddhism, The Occult, Yoga, Shamanism, and other DARK and DECEPTIVE false religions. I began collecting many books on these topics and my library was overflowing. I got super drawn into the yoga/hippie way of living…I ended up getting dreadlocks around 16 yrs old, then began a life of a toxic pattern, and at 16-17 years old I really began to go downhill. At 16 - I began going to desert/rave gatherings with many drugged out people, and no police or authority to watch over anyone. I was going to these, camping away from home full weekends at a time without my mother or father ever really knowing. I got into doing party drugs while thinking I HAD to do these things in order to be ‘spiritual.’ At 17, I had a boyfriend who was 23 years old and he introduced me into psychedelic drugs such as LSD, Mushrooms, DMT, etc. I began doing these drugs thinking I had to engage in them in order to reach some higher, esoteric level of enlightenment, or reach a sort of ‘’god consciousness.’’ I began to really lose my mind and have numerous bad trips, memory loss, psychosis and saw lots of demonic activity in and around me. I even ran away to Vegas for an entire two weeks without talking to any family and continued to be brainwashed by this man and taken advantage of immensely. After that relationship, I had another one who was into the same thing. Older, and had access to psychedelics. The cycle began to REPEAT. I was used, and abused more than a few times at this age. I was naive and indulged in any drug I was given and began to really lose myself, my family, and my identity. A similar thing happened at 17 with a 50-year-old man who went by the name Broly in the festival world. He claimed to be God, and that he was here to save my soul. He manipulated me, gave me drugs, and did horrible things to me and kept telling me this was the truth and that he was the way to spiritual awakening. I was SO brainwashed. He even had his own published religion that seemed very real to me. Granted, I was already brainwashed by many other false religions. (I had NO clue what the gospel really was, or who Jesus was at the time) After escaping that very toxic ‘relationship’ I began to get heavily addicted to a drug called ketamine. I began changing my name on Facebook and barely talked to my family. I was very, very lost. This continued on the whole year. When I was 18, I moved out to New Mexico with my boyfriend at the time, and continued to smoke, drink, practice yoga and even got into prostitution online. I sold myself virtually online by videos, pictures, etc. I lived here for maybe about 4 months, until I packed up my bags, got on a train and left. I was talking to my family a bit more, but not much. I came back to my dads’ house, left my bags, stayed home for maybe a day then left to the desert with friends for another rave. The same routine continued, and I ended up meeting someone from this rave, and he wanted me to come to Santa Barbara with him, so, I did. I stayed in a hotel with this person I did not know, camped out in parks, and was HEAVILY using the drug ketamine again. This time, it was for 3 days straight, almost nonstop. I was barely eating, or drinking water at this time. Then, we stayed at his friend’s house and I began mixing drugs. I began to fall out of consciousness and was very disoriented. I passed out for a while, then when I awoke again, something was VERY wrong. My vision became very narrow, and the colors were dark around me. I started crying and instinctively screaming at the top of my lungs, telling them to let me out of the room, and they refused. They were holding the door closed and my body switched instantly into fight or flight, I began trying to fight them in order to get out, and get help because I was close to death. I tried breaking out of their window, breaking their blinds…Finally, I got out and ran screaming for help. The only closest thing to help was a dentist's office. I ran inside screaming that I was drugged, raped, and in need of help. I told them to look up my dad and to please call him. The last thing I remembered was falling to the ground and having 3-4 painful seizures. My parents told me after that I had to be strapped down because of how intense my seizure was from overdosing. I was in complete darkness, yet still fully conscious. I was not aware of what was going on in reality because all I was aware of was darkness, pain, and my body's out of control shaking. I did not even know that I went in an ambulance to get to the emergency room. After the overdose, I went through recovery and had to get treatment there at the hospital because I was in bad shape. My dad drove all the way from San Diego to rescue me and after being able to come home, my dad sat me down and said, ‘’Ashley. Something HAS to change or you are going to die. This path you have chosen ONLY leads to death. I could have lost you.’’ So, I cut my dreadlocks off and went sober for a while, but by my own strength & self-effort which was soon to fail. After months of being sober, I for the last time fell into the same toxic pattern and I left to Oregon for a month. My dad had bought me a plane ticket and a pass to go to Guatemala for the whole month of October alone for a Yoga Certification course to become a teacher. I had told him about this a year before, and this was the plan. So, after a month of living in Oregon, I came back home to prepare for Guatemala. Little did I know, the Lord was beginning to draw me. As I look back, I see His providential hand always at work. The fact that he kept me alive all of those years astonishes me. A few days before my trip - I came across a youtube video. I cannot remember what it was called, but all I remembered is that it said ‘’All of the yoga, chakras, Hinduism, and meditation are HIDING Jesus from you. It is blinding you to the truth.’’ I began to weep and pace back and forth saying to myself, ‘’No way. There is NO way this 'spiritual' life I have been living is a lie.’’ After pushing this video away, I began to really question everything I had been doing. Fast forward - I go to Guatemala the whole month to study Yoga deeper. I had studied yoga since I was about 15 years old and was drawn to the false spirituality it promised. The chief end goal of Yoga is something called "moksha." It is to basically merge with this divine consciousness and come into union with Brahman (the false impersonal force). It is completely rooted in Hinduism and cannot be mixed with Christianity for dark and light do not mix. During the trip, I was with yogis, witches, spiritists, and surrounded by lost people who thought they knew the truth, myself being one of them. I was realizing how empty I felt, and how much I was internally hurting. There were many days I just wanted to go home. After a month, I ended up getting certified, passed all my yoga classes and assignments, then I got to go home. After being home again, my search continued. The devil REALLY began trying to keep me blinded and deceived. I started to become very attracted to Jesus’ name. I first began to see His Hebrew name, Yeshua. I kept saying, ‘’Who IS this Yeshua?’’ After days of studying Gnosticism, I was on my knees by my bed and was weeping. All of these false religions had NO foundation. They were SO confusing and all I could think was, ‘’I have been searching to find something spiritual for 4 years now, I am SO SICK of seeking.’’ and I began crying out to the God I did not know at the time, but He knew me. I was crying on my knees just yelling, ‘’PLEASE GOD, I don’t know if you are real, but WHO are you…Please, I need you. I am SO broken.’’ Perhaps a day or so later, in God’s Sovereignty I come across another youtube video like before. This time it was ALL about how God is Sovereign, how He is in control of ALL things, and how Jesus alone is the truth, the way, and the life. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiBgiOSsC-k&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3sF7B27ZLx6tvJNXiFiDU4TedTRmimaPI9v8oqnFe6MJVEyY7VET7VGbA I began to cry so much. I am talking about INTENSE tears, but this time tears of JOY. Tears of astonishment. My blinders were lifted this day by the Holy Spirit. He opened my eyes to the truth of Jesus, and I felt a huge weight lift off of me. I kept my eyes above towards heaven and kept saying, ‘’Thank you.’’ With tears in my eyes just thanking God. The attacks from satan began to come upon me right after trying to keep me again, blinded. That day I called the only brother Christian I knew all my life in tears asking him to please help me, because I need to know what is next and what is real. He said he would meet with me on December 9th. On December 8th, I got in contact with a friend who was deep into New Age and I hung out with him to tell him about this video and how I really feel this is the truth. Nothing has ever felt MORE REAL to me than the truth of Christ, I would tell him. He would not listen. So, I stopped talking about it. That day, he said he wanted me to do this psychedelic drug with him, and fear rose in me. But I said yes because of pride. I remember the fear I felt going back to his house to do this drug. I truly believe the Lord was trying to direct me out of this situation. The fear and the resistance I felt was something I had never felt before. The feeling finally that this was WRONG. But I still did it. I remember thinking of my dad, and family and was grieved. All I thought to myself was, ‘’This could be it. This may be the final straw, and I might actually die this time.’’ People would do this drug called ‘’DMT’’ to try and ‘’reach God’’ or ‘’source.’’ I remember my friend asked me, ‘’How much do you want?’’ I shrugged. He said, ‘’I’ll send give you enough to send you to source.’’ I remember thinking, ‘’I might actually die…’’ My heart was beating so fast. But, by God’s grace, He kept me safe under His protection, and this drug had no affect on me. It made me shut my eyes, but I snapped out of it quickly. My friend talked about seeing faces, hearing voices, and getting spiritual insight. I was truly grateful that I was okay and did not go through past experiences such as seizures, fainting, etc. After this, I told my friend I had to go because I was going to be meeting with my friend who is a Christian tomorrow. He was shocked. December 9th, it was the day of my salvation. My surrender. Before meeting with my Brother in Christ I remember thoughts of the enemy instilling in my mind to cancel the meeting, but God was stronger and of course, I still met with him. We talked, prayed and cried. The day lasted about 9 hours. My friend walked me through the gospel and I surrendered to Christ that night. He gave me his Bible and instructed me to read through the gospels immediately and pray constantly. After praying and surrendering to the Lord that night, I got a trash bag and ripped all the tapestries off my wall, all my new age pictures, dream catchers, crystals, tarot cards, BOOKS, IDOLS, and more - I threw it all away. Trashed it. I did not care what my family was going to say. My grandma that night said to me, ‘’You can’t just change like that.’’ I looked up toward the sky and said, ‘’This is the truth. Yes I can.’’ Because it was all THE LORD. HE OPENED MY EYES. He gifted me the gift of faith, repentance and supernaturally caused me to be born-again. This was the beginning of my upward journey because of Jesus Christ. All desires for any drug left me. I have not craved any drug since the date I was saved. In 2018 the Lord freed me from sexual immorality, and addiction to pornography after about 7 years. He freed me from drug addiction and healed MANY wounds in my heart that year. I had MANY restless, and sleepless nights because of spiritual attacks, & flashbacks in dreams, but I continued to daily fight in prayer on my knees, and continued to renew my mind through the reading of His Word, meditating on His Word, continual worship, praise, and abiding in joy, sorrows, or anguish... He continues to show Himself faithful to me, and cause my heart to OVERFLOW with love, and adoration of Him. Daily. It is a DAILY fight to stay in His presence and abide in Him, but it is the ONLY fight that is worth it. Jesus has truly transformed my heart in ways I never imagined possible. I now desire above all to be a godly wife and mother at home and I run all my social media accounts to proclaim the gospel and the truth of Jesus Christ! He died for me, now I live for Him!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ( 1 Peter 1:3 )

For those who have never heard the gospel, this is it:

We have ALL broken God’s commandments and are deserving of eternal hell. God is a JUST and HOLY God who MUST punish guilty sinners for their iniquity. But God, being RICH IN MERCY, compassion, and love was made manifest in the person of Jesus Christ, 2000 years ago. He was born of a virgin, conceived by the Holy Spirit and He lived a perfect, sinless, and righteous life that we COULD NEVER live. We have all sinned. He did not sin once. As fully man, and fully God, Jesus Christ emptied Himself and took on the role of a servant to obey God perfectly and fulfill His will here on earth. Jesus was tempted in ALL areas, yet remained sinless. Our sinless and perfect Lord CHOSE to die on that cross,

No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.” (John 10:18)

Jesus CHOSE to be crucified. He was nailed to that tree and BORE ALL OF OUR SINS, and He drank the cup of God’s wrath. He DRANK your hell. And on the third day, Jesus Christ rose from the grave by the power of the Spirit, defeating death & hell forever. Death could not hold Him, and now He is ALIVE. He died for you, so that you may live eternally with HIM. To be reconciled to HIM. Now, what must you do in order to be saved? You must REPENT, (turn from your sins; 180 degree turn from sin and run to Christ) confess your sins, humble yourself and TRUST ALONE in Christ. No good works wills save you.

because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9)

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. (John 14:6)

Romans 5:8: God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 6:23: The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:32: He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

2 Corinthians 5:21: For our sake, he made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 8:9: You know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake, He became poor so that you by His poverty might become rich.

1 Timothy 1:15: The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.

1 John 4:10: In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Revelation 5:9: “Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood, you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.”

I have now graduated high school after dropping out at a young age, I start college in the fall, I am now in the process of writing a book and working two jobs unto the glory of God! His saving grace is MIGHTY.

God bless you all!

I’m alive, because He lives!

#mine #my testimony #jesus saves #personal testimony #Bible #biblestudy #Christian #jesus christ

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omenthenarrator · 5 years ago

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Prompts That Inspired No Sleep Club

If you tell me a few of your favorites, I’ll try to write out a snippet or even a full short story about that prompt!

A girl goes missing in the woods and the search party only finds a decrepit porcelain doll that looks oddly similar to her. The parents start treating the doll like their daughter, slowly losing their sanity.

New residents move into the neighborhood and get invited by their neighbors for dinner. After an hour of horror they finally escape the house only to find it an abandoned decrepit building in shambles. No one has lived there for 15 years since the last family died of unknown causes.

A family dog runs away from home. He returns a year later to the familys delight. However, theres something different about him. Something demonic.

A man reads a novel, soon realizing that the story is his very own–and according to the book, a killer is lurking.

Serial killers world wide have been sent a link that connects them all to an anonymous chat room. A teenager somehow is sent the link by mistake. Soon after receiving a warning of everyones coming demise, he noticed people vanishing from the chat room one by one–and hes the next on the kill list.

A woman who is afraid of clowns wakes up from her normal life to one in which she worked at the freak show. However, instead of working a normal job, she’s the main attraction and the audience she is performing for are the very things she fears.

A young brother and sister find an old door in their basement that had never been there before.

One day, as the townsfolk begin to wake up, it is discovered that strange winged creatures can be seen within the gathering storm clouds above. Over the years, the phenomenon becomes a normal sight during stormy days.

A man wakes up in the streets to find a hobo clown staring down at him with a long face.

A mad scientist performs the first head transplant on his sick and dying daughter (4 yrs old) when things go horribly wrong. (Pigs head?)

A girl is scrolling through her photo gallery only to find several pictures she hadn’t taken. One by one, all the towns residents find the same photos in their galleries. The pictures turned out to be a warning for the whole town of the coming earthquake.

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: A scarewalk in the woods during a Halloween festival turns out to be real. And all the walkers have to survive multiple horror movie scenarios to get to the end of the walk alive.

A bartender serves last calls to the only remaining patron, a man who calls himself Lucifer.

Something/someone has turned all the neighborhood pets into demonic killers.

A woman wakes up with her eyes and mouth sewn shut and no memory of who she was before.

A couple has a young son who is a total angel in public. However, once they are home alone he becomes something right out of their nightmares.

A woman wakes up in an abandoned maze-like sewer system. As she attempts to escape, the water begins to rise. But drowning is the last of her worries… Somethin lurks within the depths.

A robber steals from the small town museum only to discover the apparent riches belonged to a covent of witches.

Kidnappers abduct a child only to find out she was more than they bargained for. She was found playing on the swingset the next day, no sign of the kidnappers in sight.

A homeless man is stalked by faceless creatures who crawled on all fours. Hes the town drunk so no one believes him until he turns up dead face down in the snow.

A group of friends wake up disoriented in the old abandoned mansion to find it has been turned into a chamber of horrors. Only one of them will survive, so says the note left with them.

A woman of high social standings becomes the gossip of the town when she is sent away to an asylum for raving about the writing on her wall. However, when her husband suffera the same fate, people start thinking she wasn’t as crazy as she seemed.

A boy on a farm makes scare crows to protect the crops. Only problem is, they tend to come alive. (This one might be too goosebumps but I Can try to write it different if it sounds interesting enough)

EASTER SPECIAL: A figure dressed in an old dirty Easter Bunny suit haunts the children of the town.

Something ancient rises out of an old pond.

An artificial intelligence begins to communicate with a family online, only to terrorize them through their tech. Anytime they try to seek help, all traces of the AI vanish completely. (Maybe make this about one person instead of a whole family?)

A family buys a cheap house only to find an unmarked grave in the back yard while remodeling. (It looks like it belonged to an infant child)

A boy is born with an identical twin. The older they get the more evil the twin becomes.

A cult that worships history’s deadliest serial killers begins to kill by copying their methods. A girl and her mother see this on the local news. The girl later discovers her mother is a member and shes the next victim.

A winter snow storm traps a group of thrill seekers in an abandoned asylum.

A little girl comes down the stairs and asks her parents, “Can you hear it breathing? I can.”

Children find a deep dark well and an old ladder that leads down into it.

A teen (?) Finds a crayon drawing of a strange family on the wall–its inscribed with the words, “We live in your walls.” (Its either a teen who blames his 3 year old brother before realizing he can’t write or a young child who tells his parents about the ‘wall people’.

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: A woman is watching a scary movie alone on Halloween night… But someone keeps knocking at her door. However, when she opens it, no one is ever there…

A famer and his son begin to hear childrens laughter coming from their fields at night–no child is in sight though.

A childs imaginary friend in not actually imaginary. (Possibly use one of the creatures I had made for the original No Sleep Club… Like Scratcher?)

A girl hears movement in her walls and rooms, but she is the only one home.

An old lady is sitting in her house knitting when a whisper interrupts the silence. “Be quiet. They WILL hear you,” it says

A man hiking through the woods when he came across a crumbling staircase that leads upward. However, there is no sign of the rest of the ruins anywhere.

A child walks down the stairs and stop in front of their babysitter. An eerie grin tugs at the child’s lips as they say “We’ll go to war with a smile on our faces.”

The old rotary dial phone started ringing loudly, but when answered, the caller hangs up. When the girl set the phone down, she remembered that her parents had disconnected it a week ago due to some prank calls that had been happening for months.

“There used to be six of us… Now I’m alone.”

He followed the young lady as she led him into a long forgotten room, only to find her gone. There was no way out except the narrow hall they’d just come from.

Someone kept sending her encoded messages. Every time she decoded them, each revealed a secret worse than the last. (The secrets are about her and she grows more paranoid each day until she calls the police for harassment. Once they read all the messages, she practically confesses. Each message is sent from various victims numbers, which had been deactivated.)

Theres an urban legend thats been circulating for years about a taxi cab that doesn’t take you where you want to go but where you need to go. One night a tired yound man steps into this cab.

A boy is sitting on his couch when one of his friends barges into the living room and says, “whatever happens, who ever comes knocking, ive been here for at least an hour.”

Every night he hears the sound of a train… But the railroad closed down years ago.

A reclusive grandmother dies. The grand daughter-who feels guilty for not visiting her-has to go through her things and finds her grandmother was not all she seemed to be.

Having vanished into the forest seven years ago, she emerged looking like she hadnt even left. Everything was the same, she hadn’t even aged, but something seemed a bit… Off.

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: The frozen pond in the forest cracked open. Ice skaters we disheartened by this, and curious as to how it happened–then they noticed the trail of footprints leading out of the pand and into the woods.

A fair has come to town with a strange funhouse. Inside, past the normal mirror maze, there’s a room that has one lone mirror that shows the viewer the last thing they’ll see before they die. (Alternatively: after viewers exit the room, something about their features is a bit off and they act very different then before.)

Funhouse Mirror: Alternatively, it could be both. The last thing they see before they die is why “they” start acting differently.

A grandfather tells his grandson that when a person leaves a graveyard a different way than they entered, spirits will leave with them. The boy decides to test this theory.

A man soon realizes that the fence around the orphanage is to keep the public safe–not the other way around.

One day the townsfolk wake up with their deadly sin tattooed to their left hand. (pride, lust, gluttony, envy, sloth, wrath, greed) This pits the townsfolk against one another as they discover that their heavenly virtue is tattooed to their right.

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gotstory · 6 years ago

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My 20 Year Old Idol Husband - Day 18 - I’m Fine

20 yr old Jungkook, at the top of his idol boyband career, has a secret only he & his bandmates know – An underground relationship, with you, a girl he met at a fanmeeting. Things get a little out of hand and you find out you’re pregnant.

Read: Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4 / Day 5 / Day 6 / Day 7 / Day 8 / Day 9 / Day 10 / Day 11 / Day 12 / Day 13 / Day 14 / Day 15 / Day 16 / Day 17 / Day 18 /

It was a normal day for the boys as they shuffled around their studios, practicing or recording.

Namjoon in particular was getting slightly impatient.

(Last night - Namjoon)

"Alot could happen in 3 weeks."

Yoongi frowned, "couldn't she just come with us?"

Instead of waiting for Bang PD to arrive, he decided to drop him a text.

- PD nim, I have been thinking about our previous tours abroad and wondering if we can hire a billingual PR manager to come along with us for the next tour.

The reply was almost instantaneous.

- We have been thinking about it too and have someone in mind. But we found out the agency let her go and we still haven't been able to get in touch.

Namjoon took the chance and pushed for it.

- PD nim if you don't mind, I do have someone to suggest whom we have worked with during the last Europe tour. We can discuss this in detail maybe later today?

As he focused on waiting for the reply, his heart was racing a little.

Why am I being nervous about this? It's not even my girlfriend...

Just then the door of his studio shifted a little and in came Bang PD with a smile.

"Oh! PD nim! Were you already here?" quickly, a wide smile came over him as he stood to greet his boss whom he hadn't seen in some time.

As the older man sank down into the cosy grey sofa and squashed abit of the Van cushion under his weight, he spoke up in a light tone.

"Namjoon-ah, why are you bothering yourself with these matters when I've already got a whole team of staff to look into such things? It's not like you haven't got enough work on your hands."

Namjoon wasn't sure if he was being scolded for being nosy or was Bang PD trying to thank him for going beyond his scope.

He sat down and with a pressed smile, began to put forth some of his plans he had been working out in his head.

"Actually, PD nim, there's this one person we really hope to have along with us..."

---------------

Back in the agency where you used to be, things were running as usual. But your co-worker and bff, Fan, had been having a hard time coping with other reporters who had no interest in the music events they covered. It was mostly a touch and go approach that left her missing you, her partner in crime, even more. Days were getting tougher and she even entertained the though of leaving altogether since there was hardly anything else to look forward to.

As she packed up her stuff ready to leave for the day, her boss strolled by with a worried look.

"Hey boss, everything fine? You look like you just lost your company."

He smirked tiredly, used to her teasing. "Thankfully not. It's just that one of our Korean counterparts have been asking for Chae-rin and it was a pity I let her go. I don't even have anyone else I could send as a replacement."

At the mention of your name, she entertained some hopes of reuniting with you.

"Then just hire her back and send her over to Korea! You do know she's IN Korea right?"

Surprised at this piece of newly acquired information his brain quickly turns the numbers and realised that it clicked.

"But wait," he said, "didn't she say something about needing to rest for her health?"

Fan quickly brushed it aside, "well yeah but it's been awhile now she's probably fine. Why don't I call her for you just to... You know, see if she fancies something like that? Oh and, which company are we talking about here anyway?"

The boss ponders, "That sounds good, Fan. It's the one.... with Mr Bang and BTS."

Her breath hitches and chokes in surprise as he catches on quickly, "What's wrong? You alright?"

"Oh nothing!" she laughs, "I'm feeling just fine! I'm fine! Yea, definitely, just fine!"

---------------------------

I'm feeling just fine, fine fine...

You wake up to the sound of your new BTS alarm, it was your favourite song of the moment after seeing the elaborate choreography and how it was such a comforting yet emotional track. You look around and find a note stuck to your phone. It was neatly written and you recognised Jk's handwriting from the numerous letters he'd written over the last year.

'Noona, (they insisted I be fair and call you that) we won't be back early tonight because of the rehearsals for the tour schedule next week. If you get bored, just get a cab and let me know where you are. The hyungs and I will be at the studio so please have a good rest and eat well. Jin-hyung says he made some soup and the kitchen is yours. Please call us if you run into any trouble at all.

-JK'

Of course, it would be a surprise if these busy idols were mopping around their house in the peak of their career. You weren't even expecting to see them altogether, recalling what a feast it was last night which only showed how long it had been since they could all rest at home together in the same space.

Finally. Some time to explore the city!

You thought to yourself, slowly reading off the messages you ignored since the night before.

There were a stream of pictures and messages from your ex colleagues and friends, as well as a few from Jungkook mainly to check if you were awake yet.

Just then, your phone rang and to your surprise it was Fan. Excitedly you answered it with your croaky morning voice.

- Ahem, ah, ah. Hello!

- Oh gosh, Chaerin, sorry did I wake you up? I didn't check the time difference!

- Don't worry it's noon here. What's up? You hardly call!

- Yeah I know, it's only been like what... Less than a week since you're gone and I'm dying without you.

You laughed at her cutely exaggerated tone which you missed.

- 4 days to be exact. It's only like what, my 3rd day here? It feels like I've been gone forever though. I miss working already.

- Really? How's your... Erm... Body? Has all the... Discomfort worn off?

You pause at her overly cautious choice of words and found it strange.

- Are you with someone?

Fan smiled, knowing how sharp you were.

- Well yes, and I wanted to ask if you really MISSED WORKING WITH US SO MUCH THAT YOU WISHED YOU COULD COME BACK?

Placing deliberate emphasis on the keywords with her back facing the boss, Fan definitely knew what she was doing and wanted you to catch on it.

- You're in the office aren't you... With, let me see... At this hour, wouldn't there only be the boss left? Hang on, are you saying he wants me to come back? Oh come on...

Giving an air punch, Fan was more than excited even though there wasn't even a conclusion.

- Not just me but before you... TURN ME DOWN, I just wanted to know it might be because you're PLANNING TO SETTLE IN KOREA?

- What are you going on about, Fan? You know full well the reason why I was dragged here! of course I have to settle here with... Well, you know who! And eventually I'll have to find a job and---

Quickly, Fan cut her short and put the phone to the boss.

- OKAY OKAY! I got that I got that! Hang on yes yes!

Nervously, he took it and tried to be as casual about it as he could. Unknown to you, there was actually a huge sum of money behind the contractual agreement which BigHit had offered. One that made it harder and harder for him to turn down or ignore. He knew the ball was not in his court and he had to get you back no matter what it took.

After half an hour of lengthy explanations and persuasion, you finally got the full picture.

- So, boss, ah... I mean, erm John, you're telling me the Korean agency we worked with, wants you to post me there as a permanent PR manager for them, while you manage the press at the Europe office, is that it?

- Yes, that's exactly what it is but of course, I'd have to hire you in order for that to happen.

It sounded like a good plan that would help keep your time occupied with income while you got a legitimate work pass to be in Korea as how you needed to. Only thing was letting them know, you'd soon be needing to use some maternity leave and that could potentially cause issues.

- But there are so many PR managers in Korea, why us and why me in particular?

- Beats me! but I know you've always outshone in your abilities and it doesn't surprise me if you were headhunted directly by them. It's just that they probably didn't know you had left the country and man, their staff are so persistent! There were a couple of mails I missed around the time you left which I ignored, since well, you left, but they've called me countless of times this morning as if they can't even wait an hour longer for me to disclose your details. But I told them I'd have to speak with you first. You know, PDPA can be a real bitch these days...

It was true.

Personal data protection was such a sticky issue that never let anyone in this media line rest. Of course, it didn't make any business sense for the boss to let another agency poach his ex-staff when he could possibly leverage on it. Anyone would. But you still didn't get it - why you?

- Before we go on, Mr John, which agency is this that has put forth such a strange request?

As if haunted by the thought, he sighed and sank into a chair.

- Apparently they said the leader made a direct request this morning for it and it became urgent. Remember the boyband you covered at your first stint? What was it again...

He motioned to Fan asking for the name of the band and she quickly showed him her Season's Greeting calendar with the 7 smiley boys.

- BTS. That's right. The Bangtan Boys.

----------------------

The day whizzed by and you were completely caught in the flurry of calls, and emails you thought you never had to open again.

In a matter of hours, you had set up your laptop and found a small empty area where you could sit comfortably and wasn't occupied by one of the boy's laundry or gadgets.

The call had ended abruptly when you told Mr John to send you the emails for your consideration since Fan was probably freaking out at both her roaming call charges and the surprise of it all.

The leader made a request this morning? That's not possible... Namjoon? But why?

Bewildered, you let the mails load by the chunks until you hear the arrival of new mail from your boss - you had always gave it a different colour code just so you'd never miss it.

As you clicked it open, you saw the unmistakable BigHit email signature and a long mail thread which you read every single word not missing any of it. You could tell it was written very directly due to the probably lack of English expertise from the local staff but was succinct and sufficient to get the point across.

It was simple. They wanted you to work for them - with lodging and everything else taken care of.

This is more than perfect!

After going through the legal and operational details over the phone with their representative, you carefully broach the subject of possible maternity leave, in the near future. To your surprise, they were not only supportive but assured you that even the expenses would be taken care of so long as you were returning to your duties after that. The only thing was that you would have to start work the day after tomorrow in view of the tour that was upcoming.

Another long flight. Packing after you've just unpacked.

With a small sigh, your eyes caught sight of the neat scribbles Jungkook left for your this morning and smiled to yourself. Well, it wasn't that bad if this meant you were able to be with him for the next 3 weeks. It had just been 3 days with the boys but the thought of not being able see, hear, and just be near him had grown so uncomfortable that it made you teary.

Hurriedly you shook these thoughts off and took a deep breath, picking up your phone to text Jungkook.

- Work hard for today Kookie, I've got some news for you tonight :)

-------------------------------

Hours later, Fan sorts out her own paperwork and ties up loose ends in the office, and prepares to take the first flight out in the morning to meet you. Unlike you, she had to get on flight soonest in order to arrive on the same day you start work.

Looking through the texts, she remembered having Jimin's number from the time when she pressed Chae-rin for at least one emergency contact other than JK's, in the event where she wasn't contactable. Picking up her courage, she decided to send him a text of her arrival... After all that you've done for her, being there for you in this uncertain period of your life, was the least she could do, of course, with some help, a surprise appearance would be the cherry on the cake.

------------------------------

The doors of the apartment swung open hastily and you hear the familiar banter of Jin, Namjoon and J-hope, as they discussed formations for the concert. They were so loud it sounded more like a party than 2 people just talking.

'No, no, no... hyung, I'll change it and Taehyung will sit on Namjoon and me because -- AAAigoo Jungkook-Ah! Your big bag is in my face, watch it!' It was J-hope, the loudest of them all, sounding suddenly cautious at the silent arrival of Jungkook, probably squeezing through the door with his over-sized bag.

'Sorry hyung! You okay?' Without even looking back, he habitually kicked off his shoes and tried to mask his excitement of finally being able to see you at the end of a long day. Going straight to his room, he finds your bags sitting at the door, luggage zipped and packed like the day you arrived. With eyes wide in shock he starts going into every room in search for you and when you were nowhere in sight, he grabs his phone and starts calling you, frantically looking around the living room if you'd left him a note or something.

The older boys, especially Namjoon, calmly check out Jungkook's room to see what he was being flustered about only to be startled by sudden movements among the rack of Jungkook's black tee-shirts.

'OOH! OOH! OOH! What-what -- Ahhh... you scared me!' Hushed Jin who put a hand to his chest after seeing that it was you, hidden behind the clothes. He looked extra warm and fuzzy today, in a turtle neck and glasses you seldom saw him wear.

You put a finger to your lips and motioned for Namjoon to come closer as you whispered to them. 'The company told me about your request.' You said, to the 3 older boys who were crouched down with their faces inches from yours in the dim corner. You continued, 'I'll be moving to the empty apartment next door in the morning.'

'JJINCHA???' J-hope exclaimed only to be quickly silenced by your hand.

'But why're you hiding from Jungkookie?' Namjoon asked. 'You trying to make him think you're leaving? You want to prank him?'

You nodded. 'It's now or never, isn't it?' with a cheeky wink, the brothers nodded and stood up giving you an "OK" signal, and started going into their overly exaggerated acting mode.

Jin sat on the bed while Namjoon went out to look for Jungkook, and J-hope started talking loudly again. "OMO! Jungkook-ah~~ Why are all her luggages packed up again? Aigoo, Jungkook-ah!"

As the boys gathered, they thoughtfully positioned Jungkook's face in your view, a clear sign they had done this so many times for the camera.

Namjoon started on his worried low voice, asking Jungkook if there was something wrong or if there was anything else he hadn't told them about. Before Jungkook could even respond, Jin chimed in like a comedic duo with Namjoon, picking up line after line, not even letting Jungkook process what was happening.

'... and you know, its getting late now, where do you expect her to go? right? her bags are all packed and she isn't answering her phone, are you sure she didn't say anything else to you? Jungkook-ah, check your phone again, did you miss some messages?'

You watched as Jungkook stared blankly, trying to recall while he cocked his head to one side, eyes fixed on the packed suitacases in deep confusion. 'No... Noona only said she had something to tell me tonight, but... but...'

'Something to tell you? Ah! That's right, she has to go back home that's why these are all packed!' Jin added quickly.

'NO!' was Jungkook's only response and you could see J-hope trying not to laugh at the innocence of this man-child. He was practically about to throw a fit at his 'helpful' hyungs in his sheer helplessness. As he mumbled unintelligible words to reason out why it wasn't possible you would leave, Namjoon decided to give it the final blow.

Putting his hands over JK's shoulder, he brought him nearer to where you were hiding as if to tell him a secret.

'Jungkook-ah, actually, I spoke to Bang-PD about Chae-rin.'

Jungkook sucked in a sharp breath in disbelief as he shrieked in a high pitch tone you'd never thought he was capable of. 'You, WHAAAAT???? HYUNGGGGG!!!!'

He continued, 'so I told him that for your sake, and hers, she has to move out of this place. Jungkook, hyung is sorry, I really tried my best to speak up for you but I think we can't have a girl here.'

You saw the Jungshook gifs appearing before your eyes as he froze in place, not even attempting to refute all that he heard. You made a mental note to commend his loyal and abiding nature even though it seemed like Namjoon had just turned his back on him.

After awhile, Jungkook spun around, looking at the other boys, studying their faces before going straight to J-hope giving him a deep closeup view of his bright round eyes.

'Wohhh, too close, Jungkook, too close, what-- what--' As he observed the reactions of his brothers, he stood up, surveying the room this time calmly and with sharp eyes, he realised how they had been deliberately leaving an empty space in front of his clothes. It was only then that he faintly saw some colours hidden behind the row of monochrome clothes, and took a deep breath of relief.

'Noona~ I know you're there. Come on out now, you have some explaining to do.' He closed his eyes with a satisfied grin and mild annoyance, pointing in your direction.

Slowly, you emerged bashfully, to the wind-screen wiper laughs of Jin and J-hope.

'Sorry, Chae-rin, we're just really horrible at acting no matter how hard we try. But for now I think we will leave you to deal with our little Kookie, see you outside for dinner! Bye!' In the blink of an eye, the hyungs exited and shut the door behind them as you heard their quick footsteps scurry down the hallway.

It only took you half an hour to explain the situation to Jungkook as he took it all in.

'Are you saying you'll be travelling with us when we're on tour, and when we're back, you'll be staying beside us?' He summed it all up in a sentence.

'Well, y-yes.... but Jungkook I'm going to be a company staff from now on, you need to be mindful of that especially when we're around the other people. I will have real WORK to do, not just tagging along.'

The glee on his face was so evident that you weren't sure if he was really seeing the full picture. Giving you a total embrace, you could feel his muscles relaxing slowly in your hold while he buried his nose in your hair.

'I don't care about that,' he whispered, slightly emotional all of a sudden. 'As long you're not leaving, I know I'll be fine.'

----------------------------------------

The next morning, Jungkook headed for practice early, filled with newfound vigor. They go through their routines, new formations, have meetings back to back and work from sunrise to sunrise.

A staff also meets you at the apartment, rather surprised that you had made your way to the door.

'How did you manage to get here?' He asks, slightly puzzled since it was a very secured residence.

Flustered, you blurt out whatever came to your mind. 'Oh, I met Namjoon while I was coming and he showed me the way, ha... yea that boy has good a very good memory for these things yea?'

'Ah, Namjoon? Yea, he did? I heard he doesn't request for staff directly but he specifically asked for you to be brought in as soon as possible... You guys must be close huh?'

As he opened the door to the adjacent apartment, your eyes saw the largest and most spacious loft-like studio, with full-length glass windows and light day curtains blowing in, fully furnished, open concept space. There were 2 rooms in view and a small kitchen, and a balcony. For a place like Seoul, you knew this had to cost a lot being in the same building as the boys.

The staff continued, 'there will be another staff joining us tomorrow and it seems you both are acquainted. It hasn't been sorted out where she will stay but for now, please settle in here as your home while you work with us. Since you're friends with the boys already, I guess there is no need for us to introduce you?'

You brushed it off casually, 'yea you must have had so much to do with my sudden arrival, please don't worry yourself with these trivial matters. I'm thankful enough as it is that Mr Bang made these arrangements himself.'

'Sure, in that case I will leave you and if you need any help just call for myself of any of the managers. We'll see you at the company tomorrow, Ms Chae-rin.'

As he closed the door to your new home, you pick up the shiny new card that came with a long black strap. Your passport-sized photo greeted you back with the same smile as you read the words beneath it to yourself.

BIGHIT STAFF

Strategic Artiste Management & PR Lead (BTS)

This meant a promotion in your career; a new role - not to say the least, one you've proved your worth for, but more impressively,with a team under your lead, the one to call the shots on the bulk of their public appearances, personal welfare, and the first say over the boy's schedules.

As you go through the contract that you had read tens of times over before inking it, you shake your head in disbelief. This was practically the role of a highly paid corporate nanny over 7 grown boys that the world was fawning over.

But well, who's complaining? And you knew deep down, with Jungkook by your side, you'd be more than just fine.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Thank u for your likes, reblogs, reads and for waiting ... and I will keep updating this book!

Please feel free to leave me your comments and if you are going for LYinSG, see u there! :))))

This story can also be found on wattpad with my same username:

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crafiet · 6 years ago

Note

1-50 of the writers ask thingy, tell me everything :D

1 : What age-group do you write?adult! ive always written characters my age or a few years older

2 : What genre do you write?sff, mostly fantasy

3 : Do you outline according to big ideas or small details?hmmm, i guess small details? when i get an idea, i get an idea for single scenes or pieces of dialogue or a certain character, so i piece together an outline from that. but i have trouble with a overarching plot lol

4 : Which do you prefer–line-editing or plot-revisions?line-editing, i love editing. revisions suck bc it takes me 10,000 yrs to come up with an idea and now i have to replace it with another??? blasphemous

5 : Do you write better with or without deadlines?ive written my whole life without deadlines except for when i tried nano last year and failed. so without i guess, but then i dont have anything to convince me to write more lmao

6 : What would be the biggest compliment you could hope to receive on your current WIP?idk probably that its someones favourite book, or to see fanart *.*

7 : How long is your current WIP?26,305 words, its a rewrite heh

8 : What author would you be most excited to be compared to?hummmmmm,,,idk when people call new fantasy books “the next game of thrones” it sounds so fake lol but idk who my favourite author is...

9 : What do you struggle most with as a writer?writing

10 : Do you brain-storm story ideas alone or with others?mostly alone but YOU, ASH, help sometimes. its good to get an objective ear

11 : Do you base your characters off of real people?nah lol, im not good at characters

12 : Is your writing space clean or cluttered?clean

13 : Do you write character-driven or plot-driven stories?plot-driven. my writing is extremely fast paced, and i dont tend to like reading character-driven works

14 : Do you have a favorite writing-related quote?ive answered this in previous ask. the 'drunk on writing’ one by ray bradbury

15 : If you transport your original characters into another author’s world, which world would you choose?everyone else’s worlds are so harsh lol maybe id put them in atla so they can fuck around w bending

16 : Would your story work better as a movie or tv show? Why?miniseries ﾟ*｡(･∀･)ﾟ*｡ but it would lend itself to a movie yeah

17 : Do you make soundtracks for each story?nah, lazy ass

18 : If you could assign your story one song, what would it be?unbecoming by starset

19 : Would you rather live in your characters’ world, or have your characters come live in our world?honestly? i wanna escape capitalism and wield a sword

20 : What book would you love to see adapted for the big or small screen?zero world by jason m hough!!!! its a pretty big book i think a movie duology or a tv show would work!

21 : Do you finish most of the stories you start?no

22 : Has your own writing ever made you cry?no lol

23 : Are you proud or anxious to show off your writing?anxious cz im bad

24 : When did you start considering yourself a writer?i meannnnnnnn do i even now thoooooo

25 : What books are must-reads in your genre?sff is so broad, read whatever tf u want

26 : What would you like to see more of in your genre?diversity, not just in race gender sexuality but in fucking plots like damn give me something w a twist

27 : Where do you get inspiration from?real life, books, movies

28 : On a scale of 1-10, how much do you stress about choosing character names?about a 2, i just search on a generator until i find one i like im not a stickler for names nd i dont usually have placeholder names or anything

29 : Do you tend to underwrite or overwrite in a first draft?chronic underwriter hence the only 20k words

30 : Does writing calm you down or stress you out?calm me down, i have no control over my own life so its good to have complete control over my oc’s lives. i dont tend to have the ‘characters run away from me’ thing, but probably bc i dont see it like that lol

31 : What trope do you actually like?ride-or-die, charas who are knowledgeable and badass from the beginning, i hate following the character learning to do something lmao im impatient

32 : Do you give your side-characters extensive backstories?depends on the side character, every character is fleshed out to an extent but i dont do a massive family tree or anything

33 : Do you flesh-out characters before you write, or let their personalities develop over time?i tend to create characters before plot so i would say i know them pretty well before starting but i do let them develop naturally within the story without forcing them into any box

34 : Describe your old writing in one word.tryhard

35 : Is it more fun to write villains or heroes?mmm both have their merits, i went through a phase where i loved villains but a warped heroes journey or a morally grey/anti-hero can be super good too

36 : Do you write with a black and white sense of morality?nah, murky

37 : What’s one piece of advice you would give to new writers?try anything. anything it doesnt matter if ur nervous or you ‘dont write in that genre’ or you dont even like that genre. its good to train yourself and go out of your comfort zone, makes u a better writer imo. also dont read this and think ‘im not writing an entire historical romance novel bc i hate it’ i mean just one shots. a paragraph or two. try out writing prompts, it really flexes ur skillsalso dont feel like everything u have to write will be published, thats what i mean by try out little paragraphs or prompts. let go of this idea that any of this work will see the light of day [unless u rly want it to] and just have fun, go wild, go crazy, go stupid

38 : What’s one piece of writing advice you try–but fail–to follow?its mostly those ones that help u have cleaner, more beautiful writing. i write really beige-like and its hard to be poetic or flowery

39 : How important is positive reinforcement to you as a writer?probably super important

40 : What would you ask your favorite author if given one question?when ur next book out

41 : Do you find it distracting to read while you’re writing a first draft?nah

42 : Do critiques motivate or discourage you?ive never really had many, so i would say discourage bc i dont have a thick skin with my writing

43 : Do you tend to write protagonists like yourself or unlike yourself?unlike myself, i like to write bold, confident characters and im not that lol escapism much

44 : How do you decide what story idea to work on?whichever interests me the most at the moment, i can jump between projects easily so i dont have a problem

45 : Do you find it harder or easier to write when you’re stressed out?harder, i cant look at my writing if im stressed else ill absolutely hate it and might do something drastic like delete it all lol

46 : What Hogwarts house would your protagonist(s) be in?ary is slytherincyri is ravenclawash is gryffindorcaena is slytherin [i dont know how to spell the house names]

47 : Where do you see yourself as a writer in five years?still writing id hope

48 : Would you ever co-write?nah

49 : Are you a fast and rushed writer or a slow and deliberate writer?i used to be fast and rushed bc i was so impatient i just wanted to see the end product but i realised that i really love being in the world of my wips as long as possible so i draw it out and really mull everything over

50 : Would you rather be remembered for your fantastic world-building or your lifelike characters?both lol? i do love worldbuilding but i think characters make a greater impact

#writing #answered-ask #cloudybookash

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dreammutual-remade · 7 years ago

Text

best friends to lovers!lucas

request: ok ur SO FUNNY when i was reading ur hyunjin scenario i almost pissed my pants istg ur fckin hilarious !! and could you do like a best friends to lovers type trope with lucas from nct? love ur writing and please go nuts my guy <3 <3 - @nctro

word count: 3.7k

a/n: djfhgkhdj thank u sO MUCH everyone who compliments me on here makes me blush dhbfkhsbdk anywhom I actually enjoyed writing this so much mainly because I love big dumb boys and Lucas is one of those !!!! I hope u like it bby<3

warnings ?: cursing and brief mentions of underage drinking

okie doke babe

l e t s d i v e i n

let’s set the scene fellas

you’re in like the second grade right

boys are: disgusting and mean

but this is when you meet your bestie !!!!!

lucas was a new kid all the way from china and he was , the only boy you’d ever found cute

(i mean y’all have seen those baby pics oh my gOD HE WAS SO CUTE)

and when the teacher introduced him he was obviously a bubbly kid but none of the others in your class seemed to warm up to him

:((((

later when you all are at recess he keeps trying to join the boys but they won’t let him because as previously stated

THEYRE MEAN AND GROSS

he looks so so sad and lonely and you’re a Sweet Baby Girl so you go up to him and ask if he wants to play w/ u :)))

he’s so excited !!!! hooray !!!!!!!!!!

you guys play house and BAM

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

your friendship lasts all through elementary school !!

even in fourth grade when you guys were in different classes he would come find you at recess and your moms would arrange play dates :))))

middle school was,

middle school

we don’t talk abt that

all you need to know is that it was embarrassing

and yeehaw we’ve made it thotties aLL THE WAY TO SENIOR YEAR

let’s do a brief summary of 9th-11th grade

9th grade:

lucas is taller than you but only by a little and his voice breaks every other sentence

his ears are still too big for his body :(

you are a late bloomer and still look 12 but you’re , TRYING YOUR BEST

you guys have about half of your classes together but remain really close since you eat lunch together and hang out after school too

lucas attempts to join the basketball team

he . doesn’t make it and is v upset so you have to come over and comfort your Pitiful Man Baby

he cries a little and ouchie yOUR HEART hurts

but then he’s like u never saw that THOT

and so you are forced into silence rip

10th grade:

lucas FINALLY gets his permit halfway through the year because he fuckinh forgot to do it last year and you’re TERRIFIED but it’s fine

you’re starting to look more like a female and less like a fetus congrats !!!!!

lucas has now grown to almost 6 feet tall what the FUCK BRO

he grew at least 6 inches over the summer and you don’t really notice until one day you’re like uhhh excuse me since when are you half a foot taller than me

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and this boy LORDS his height over you

purposefully places things where you can’t reach it so he can be like

*tips fedora* m’lady , are u in need of assistance

after this you have perfected the art of pinching his arm til he screeches

also his voice has gotten sooooo so so deep

like okay darth vader CHILL OUT

with all this height though he is even clumsier than before

it’s like he forgets he’s now a giant 15 yr old

he’s always covered in scratches and bruises so you’ve taken to carrying disney princess bandaids

they’re disney princess because you thought it would embarrass him and encourage him not to get hurt but

he loves them so it didn’t work rip

he tries out for the basketball team again and genuinely makes it based on height alone

i mean the boy can barely dribble but ??? he can learn i guess

he calls you when he makes it and screams for 45 seconds straight

you don’t know wtf goin on so you’re like oh mY GOD ARE U OKAY

and he’s like yES BITCH I MADE THE TEAM

and then you scream for 45 seconds

next time you see him in person you tackle him with a hug and he lifts you up and spins you around because wow !!!!! so happy !!!!

11th grade:

ah, yes

the year of PARTYING

you always go to parties together and switch who’s dd each time

eventually more friends start coming with you so that you can both get drunk tho ayy

but for the first couple times it’s either drunk lucas half draped on you as you drag him home or sober lucas carrying your lightweight ass to the car

he’s a real one so he won’t say anything about the time you were really drunk and got separated from him so you stood on a table and screamed his name til he came and snatched you down lmao

lucas has reached full height as well so he’s like, so much bigger than you

also he’s gotten so much better at basketball and is practically the star of the team

you go to every game and cheer as loud as you can bc that’s your BOY

puberty is Complete for you and you look female and everything!!!! go off queen

lucas is now on Protective Mode since you’re really cute and a very agreeable drunk and under no circumstances will he allow you to be taken advantage of

NOT on my watch- lucas

alright we’re gonna make senior year the present timeline bc

YOLO

lucas is officially more popular than you

BUT

he actually sticks around because he’s The Best

okay also this guy just keeps getting larger

like he got all tall but THEN

he was doing basketball so much and just genuinely enjoyed doing sports in general that our boy was thicc with two(2) got damn c’s

you don’t notice that much until he gets into a habit of throwing you over his shoulder whenever you won’t pay attention to him

and it’s , unnerving how easily he does it

he’s started wearing shirts that show off his, eh hem, assets

long story short he’s hot as fuck and even you see him and you’re like DAYUM

also every female in your school is. ALL OVER HIM

it’s hard to walk next to him in the halls because people genuinely shove you out of the way to get next to him

at first you just kind of let it happen and he didn’t notice the first few times

that made u hella emo :(((((

but now he INSISTS upon holding your hand and dragging you behind him through the crowds

you highkey blush the whole time and everyone is all ArE yOu GuYs DaTiNg ?!/&:&:$

lucas is like NO.

:))))

ouchie

you start overthinking things because ??? would it really be so bad to be dating you jeez

you’re not terribly ugly or anything ???

at least you don’t think so

oh my god he thinks you’re ugly and annoying and he hates you

self hatred commence in 3,2,....... someone play the icarly theme song

you lowkey start distancing yourself and he himself is busy busy bee so

you start seeing less of each other :/

and you miss him soooo so much (this is your own doing BITCH) but it doesn’t even seem like he misses you at all wtf

he’s just having a great time w/ his basketball boy(friend)s and everyone loves him and you’ve been hashtag left behind :(

he really didn’t mean to he just !!!! has so much going on aaaa

and like in his absence you start realizing a lot of things

like how much you actually liked his cringey ass flirting

you would always smack him every time he was like “oh sorry, just got lost in ur eyes what did u say :3”

you miss his hugs because they were really rEALLY GOOD

he tucks you under his chin and squishes you or he’ll just wrap his arms around and pick you up

your feet just ???? dangle

you miss when he would show up at your house at like 11 with a bunch of shitty foreign films and force you to watch them with him

you miss when you both would fall asleep in a pile on the couch and he would wake up and carry you to bed

because he’s an angel THATS WHY

anywhom

you miss everything about him and you just are so upset that he doesn’t pay that much attention to you

it gets WORSE when you notice some other girl hanging out with him

and she’s prettier than you and apparently good enough for his attention when you aren’t and you’re just so full of

what’s the word

JEALOUSY.mp3

go listen to jealousy by monsta x

but obviously you’re not going to acknowledge that because what’s a good friends to lovers story without a hearty helping of denial

he still tries to hang out with you so you guys do see each other in class and at least a couple weekends out of the month but :(((

it’s nowhere near how close you were

it all comes to a head when one day you’re walking in the hall and it’s hella crowded

way worse than usual

and in the center of the crowd is

you guessed it :’-)

our boy yukhei

and he just asked this girl to the winter formal and she’s nodding and smiling and hugging him and he’s smiling too and you

gotta go

your eyes are already starting to water and you start skirting around the edges of the crowd to get to a bathroom

one of your other friends jeno who also plays with lucas on the team sees you and smiles and lifts his hand

but it immediately shifts into a frown when he sees your face

he reaches out to grab your wrist and asks if you’re okay and what’s wrong

you just bring your other hand up to sloppily wipe at your watery eyes and whisper that it’s nothing

the hand he’s got in his grasp has started to shake and he looks really worried so he tugs you around the corner until he doesn’t see anyone around

and he turns to look you in the eyes all Serious

“alright. spill”

and you just

BURST INTO TEARS

he panics and hesitantly puts an arm around your shoulders to pat your back

you just press your forehead into his shoulder and cry

it’s a short cry though because although we are dramatic out here we aren’t doing The Absolute Most

you pull away and wipe your eyes and take a few deep breaths before you apologize

jeno smiles sadly and pats your head and says it’s okay and that he hopes it helped

you stand there for 37 seconds exactly in silence

jenos been counting

and then you let the cat out of the bag

you adMIT FINALLY !!!!!

that you are really in love with your bff/sort of ex-bff and you’re really jealous and sad because he doesn’t even CARE about you anymore

at first jeno is quiet but then he starts laughing

and he won’t stop

and you’re like if you keep going i’m going to cry again please i’m so sensitive

and he shuts up immediately and is like o_o

but then he grips you by your shoulders and is like hEY

“guess what”

“god jeno i am really not in the mood”

“no for real guess what the fuck is up”

“what is up ???? what is up you asshole ???”

“yukhei is in love with you too”

you scoff and roll your eyes

“this is a really lame attempt to make me feel better”

“no really i’m not even lying i swear he talks about you all the time in the locker room and he literally thinks you’re an angel”

“okay but its platonic as hell like obviously we love each other after all these years but he doesn’t like ME in the way i like HIM”

“how do you know??”

“how do YOU know ?????”

“,,,,,, you got me there”

you pat his shoulder and you’re like listen i really appreciate you trying to make me feel better but it’s time for me to accept my fate

now you and lucas still text semi regularly and send each other memes and stuff

but you just, cut him off because you physically can’t move on if you interact with him at all you LOVE this boy

he def notices and texts you a few times like

y/n ??? hello? is your phone broken?

but when you stop waving back at him in the hallways and actively avoiding him he realizes you’re not talking to him

and this poor boy cannot for the life of him figure out why

he doesn’t UNDERSTAND

god he’s dumb but we still stan

he figures you want him to leave you alone so he just stares at your forlornly from afar

this just pisses you off bc like wtf nOW YOURE GONNA PAY ATTENTION TO ME ??????

a couple weeks pass and it’s time for winter formal

yay.

you’ve been dragged here by jeno who is SURE that something important is gonna happen tonight and lucas is gonna Fix Everything

yeah OKAY

SURE

you may not want to go but you wouldn’t be caught DEAD not stunting on these hoes

you show up looking absolutely SPICY

QUEEN OF WINTER

you know you had to do it to em

jeno forcefully pulls you into the doors of the gymnasium and then disappears after he threatens you with an

“i told chenle not to let you leave”

and you turn to look at chenle who is SGA and helping with the dance and he gives you an “i’m watching you” hand motion

god this is ridiculous

you sigh and go find some of your other friends

you hate to admit this but. you actually had a little fun

and then of course

a slow song was played

and the dj is all yo everyone find you a honey it’s time to slow it down for a bit

sigh

you go to walk off the dance floor or find jeno or do SOMETHING other than stand around looking awkward surrounded by couples

but someone has snatched your hand up yo wtf

it’s LUCAS

and you just look at him with confusion

“dance with me, please. just this once,,,”

and you’re like hmmm pls don’t make me do this

but he hits you with Them Puppy Dog Eyes and you’re a goner

so you let him pull you close and hold you against his chest and rest his chin on the top of your head

you lift up on your toes so you can talk in his ear

“where’s your date?”

“dancing with her girlfriend”

“um. what”

“she’s not super duper out yet so i’m being her beard for the night. it was mainly to get her parents off her back”

“oh. huh”

“plus i missed you :(((( you disappeared”

your hands tighten in the fabric of his button up bc you’re like aw FUCK

you just shake your head and rest it back on his chest and close your eyes to enjoy it while you can

as much as you want to be convinced that things can go back to the way they were now

they cANNOT because you still love him and he still just thinks of you as a friend

maybe not even a best friend anymore :(

(again,, YOUR FAULT BITCH)

his GIANT warm hands slide across your waist to press you forward by the small of your back

at this point you are pressed together basically head to toe

and you can’t tell for sure but , you think he kissed the top of your head ???

maybe you were freakin hallucinating though since you’re losing oxygen fast due to his close proximity

the song ends and you slowly stop swaying and pull apart while everyone gets back to being wild

“can we.. go talk outside”

this sentence strikes FEAR in your heart but you take his proffered hand as he leads you outside

it’s cold as hell so you’re already wound up tight and wrapping your arms around yourself to keep warm

he notices quickly and wraps his jacket around you before turning to face outward towards the road

it’s quiet other than the muffled music from inside and crickets and other night noises

he opens his mouth to say something but you just blurt out

“i like you!!!!”

and he whips around to face you and you just. keep talking

“it’s oKAY i know you don’t like me back like that and i would never be mad at you about that i didn’t distance myself from you bc of that!!!! i just had to because it was hurting me to be around you and see you be with other girls and i really wanted to move on so that we could get back to being best friends if you even wanted that i just !!! IT JUST HAPPENED OKAy i’m sO SORRY AND I ComPLetely understand if you never want to speak to me again”

and he’s just staring at you and panting

why is he out of breath he’s just been standing there

you’re getting super duper nervous because he hasn’t said aNYTHING and it’s been at least a minute

and then he just goes

“you… like .. me ???”

and you’re like ugh YES you dumbass have you even met yourself you’re so cute and sweet and such a goofy boy and you’re way too nice to me and also HOT so like. you were asking for it

and he immediately swings you into his arms and gives you a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and buries his face in your shoulder and squeals

this man. SQUEALS

and you giggle because it’s tickling your neck hey stop that

and he’s laughing that loud ass cackle of his so you’re laughing too i mean have y’all heard that shit

GOOFY AS HELL

also he’s hugging you almost just like he used to with your feet dangling off the ground

and he pulls back to set you down but then

HE GRABS YOUR FACE

AND KISSES YOU ??!/&8:$:$:92&

b i t c h

he’s so gentle and is patient when you kind of freeze at first, pulling away and pressing his lips very gently to the corner of your mouth before going Back In

and even though he’s given you NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS you kiss him back because this may be a one time only opportunity and you will NOT be wasting it

he goes very slow and sweet and right before he pulls away he presses a cute lil smooch to your bottom lip and presses his forehead against yours

“what was that for?”

“oh yeah, i forgot to tell you!! i’m in love with you”

“oh hEY me too ??!!?!&/&”

and you’re both pressed together and giggling

“hey, you wanna ditch and go get some ice cream”

“absolutely”

so he lets his date know and you text jeno

(you: bIIIIIIIITTCHHHH jeno: I KNEW IT)

and you’re off

he holds your hand the whole way there and when he parks he spRINTs around the car so he can open it for you

you each get an ice cream cone and sit next to each other at a picnic table and just talk and catch up with each other since you haven’t been talkin :/

one of your hands is laced with his and your head is leaned on his shoulder and he’s like hEY watch it this is my favorite shirt

and he flexes his arm with your head on it and you’re like god dAMN that’s a bicep

and he’s like ayy lmao arent u glad ur dating a greek demi god 🤪🤪

and you smack HIM

“i cant believe you just declared us as dating in the same sentence as calling yourself a greek demigod”

“are we ,,,, not dating”

“i mean personally, i haven’t gotten asked on a date yet. hmmmm, have you? :-)”

and he sighs dramatically before wrapping an arm around your waist and leaving a somewhat sticky kiss on your temple from the ice cream

he leans down to your ear

“hey so there’s this girl and her name is y/n and she’s so beautiful and funny and i love her so much do you think she would go on a date with me ? :3”

“hmmm well i guess so,,, she could give you a chance…..”

you hold a straight face for less than 5 seconds before you get all blushy and smiley and he squeals at you

......again

and grabs your face with his hands since he literally dEVOURED that ice cream cone

he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose and then to your lips and says against them,

“please~”

another kiss

“for me?~”

another

“cmon~”

and he goes in for another but you’re like oKAY okay i’ll date you you giant pain in my ass

and he’s like :-(((((((

(DONT BE MEAN TO THE BABY BOY)

and you’re like aw i’m sorry you’re MY giant pain in the butt

he seems pretty satisfied with that and after you finish your ice cream cone he is already at the door waiting with the door open

“if you dARE say m’lady i will walk home”

“of course ,,,,,,,,, m’lady”

“alrIGHT THATS IT”

he grabs your hand and pulls you back toward him to keep you from leaving and presses a kiss to your forehead and ruffles your hair a little

before he kindly and gently shoves you into the car

he drives home with one hand on the wheel while you mess with the fingers of his other hand because wow

that shit is amazing he’s got some big ole beautiful hands

when you arrive he walks you to your door and

this mf presses you against it and presses an absolutely SINFUL kiss onto your lips before turning around and heading back to his car

“bye, baby!! i’ll see u tmrw at school :-)))))”

and first of all: KKDKDNDKDJ

second: he called you baby it’s officially over for you bitch

you wave back blankly because what the hell just happened and then you go inside

you press yourself against the door after you close it behind you and press your hands into your warm cheeks

and woooo bOY what have you gotten yourself into

a supportive and caring boyfriend who LOVES YOU THATS WHAT !!!!!!!!

okay goodbye i really love wong yukhei xuxi lucas whatever the fuck his name is

#huehueheuhuehe #sorry its been a few days I was super busy #I love u ALL #Lucas #wong yukhei #lucas scenarios #lucas fluff #yukhei scenarios #yukhei fluff #nct scenarios #nct scenario #nct fluff #nct u #nct 2018 #nct u scenarios #nct 2018 scenarios

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pooklet · 6 years ago

Text

unaesthetic asks (anon edition)

i usually use a psd for asks to make them look nice and transparent and number them but tbh it’s just keeping me from answering asks quickly, having to shift layers around and stuff. so this is me literally cutting and pasting the text of some asks into a text post instead, sry.

if i did not answer yr thing here i lost/never got the ask, need a separate post to answer it (community lot anon), or worked myself into an anxious lather when i did not have an immediate response at the ready and fled into the woods to hide inside an old damp log and mutate slowly into a creature composed entirely of moss.

1) hey friend i think i can actually help with this one! slig did my poor lover for momma lisa, and has a few of my other skins linked to different body meshes in this tag here. @asimplevampire also did rehash for androgyny. those are the two i know off the top of my head but if anyone else knows any others pls reply to this post!

i don’t personally make showerproof skintones for body meshes because i a) am lazy and b) don’t usually take pics of my sims in the shower or naked in general so the occasional floating head just gives me a lil chortle when it does happen.

2) yis, it is the second to last one in this post by @magpieplayssims with a bunch of face masks piled on.

3) i use a personal edit of gunmod’s 3.1 A camera which alters the, like, central pivot axis so i can swing the camera underground into any basements i might be using. as a result, whenever i load the lot, it starts me off zoomed inside the floor, you just gotta zoom out with the scroll wheel to get above ground and it works normally from there. i haven’t figured out how to mitigate this while still being able to access underground rooms. which is why my edit never got its own post, but i did share it here.

4) nah, not really. i mean i have an outdated one at the back of my catalogue but my face is boring to me cuz i see it every day n stuff & i’m less and less interested in making human features now that custom sliders have let me go absolutely mad with power.

5) ye sorry i put that on my to-do list and promptly forgot about it cuz my brain seems to think that putting something on a list means it’s done forever now!!!! but now it’s actually done and i’m fixing the other links too.

6) yr phone is a craven liar and i will not stand for this libel. earlier today i was genuinely bewildered by a discussion about channing tatum cuz i thought his name was tatum channing. i sat there for minutes, convinced that there were two guys in hollywood one named channing tatum and the other named tatum channing and wondering if that ever got confusing for them.

7) u would be surprised, friend! my memory is a lawless wasteland but i do not end up chatting back and forth w/ many ppl b/c i am a seething pit of social anxiety. if we talked, like, more than twice, i probs remember u!

8) omg i was about to be like “nah i never made nosemasks for those” but that is a fucking lie of the highest caliber, i totally did make one (1) set and then forgot entirely about it. i will post them with the next batch of bodyshop content which should be Shortly (and if i don’t just yell @ me and i’ll just lazily put them on sfs and link them in a reply).

also thank u anon i am glad u like my content! :D

9) omg thank u so much anon that is so sweet of u to say!! truly i don’t feel like i have accomplished a whole lot beyond managing to snag @resurrection-failed but that is definitely the Best thing i could accomplish so i am 100% fine w/ that

10) oh ts4. i want to play it real bad but i have discovered that playing games that are still being updated and could break at any moment due to a new patch or ep gives me hives. esp when it’s sims games b/c those are held together exclusively w/ wishes and prayers as it is. they’re like the bottom panel of an expanding brain meme on spaghetti coding. at least when the game is Done there nothing else for EA to break (... right?). plus i only have base+pets and no money to throw at the other expansions so i could maybe download 1/10th of the cc available out there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but i am excited to be late af to the party. lemme tell u. thank u for saying such nice things, anon!! i hope u have a good day also. like, lots of ‘em.

11) hey anon! it’s built into tumblr’s text editor. u type the text first, highlight it, and click on the fourth button that looks like a slouchy figure 8 to insert yr link. i’m not sure if it’s the same on mobile, tho, cuz the tumblr mobile app is self-elected torture.

12) i do not right now but i can make one. idk if it would interest you but i am also doing a big ol’ blend of the hq eyes and wifezaya’s favorite ephemera mist eyes and will make a default version of those too when they are done.

13) nah i am still using my v3 texture for straight hairs and for waves or natural hair i just use nouk’s originals. i’m old-fashioned and boring. if u need help w/ making yr own, tho, i would suggest checking out @furbyq’s tutorial here!

14) hey friend! i did have plans to do that, in that vague way where i have plans to do many things but most of the time end up taking a five-hour nap under a cat instead or watchin game grumps. luckily, @digitalangels is a doll and did it for me so consider this my official endorsement. i am pooklet and i approve this action.

15) hey anon. when did i call it that?? i think usually i just call it marriage or equal marriage if i need to specify (or gay marriage if i’m feelin Spicy cuz nonbinary-for-nonbinary is pretty gay). if i did say same-sex it was probs w/ implied air-quotes since that was the term du jour when we got married, which was 3+ years before the supreme court mandate, when it was only legal in some places and everyone was still ‘‘‘‘debating’’’’ the ‘‘‘‘issue’’’’ of queers gettin all married.

16) i been gatherin’ links for u anon but lemme look around a lil more. i will either give this its own post or add it as its own section in the resource post that is like .... five years overdue. meanwhile if anyone reading this has anything they either know is made for dark skin or works well universally or knows of a list like this that already exists, i would appreciate links!

17) I KNOW THAT’S YOU, AZAYA

#anonymous #pooklet replies #wcif #pazooka #pooklet irl #sims 2 #ts2 #also if u got cakebread wcifs plssss ask me on dreamwidth #in the post in question #with a link to the picture

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twinned2021 · 3 years ago

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Some of the houses that have been coming and going. Frequently. Here’s how it works: a house I’d 1299. It’s put on sale for 649. It is then removed within three days. Or one day or two hours. It’s arbitrary. Next, some are brought back at full price? No, brought back at 15 times the price. Really. I laughed because it’s … I want to know who pays. Hahaha okay, from what I’ve read and seen- there’s is no good or properly spelled writing on the game- it used to be adult focused til last year. Then it was aimed at 13+ which caused a lot of adults to leave and slot of kids to appear, begging for items because they’re expensive, the adults didn’t mind paying now and then snd coins are hard to get unless you know how to get five times what your character is given free, as I’ve done.Now, I read, the company has been laying off folk and is in trouble still even after a 15 mil injection last year. Most seem to want wings. Wings are 10 bucks in human currency. Parents aren’t handing kids credit cards to buy virtual wings and scenes and sneakers. Its fascinating that a publishing company bet on kids paying these prices for coin. You really do need loads of coin and it ain’t free and kids aren’t going to focus on running multiple accounts to collect coin and gift themselves. I do it because I require a completely pointless distraction with no goal in sight. The whole point is engrossing distraction. Perfect. I have other reasons, I like the color and sound and a few other things… one house I bought for 1299 is now 12000. I’d love to know the thinking. Unless they’re just grabbing money before they inevitably close the doors, this won’t maintain current users or gain new users. 10 or 20 bucks for a virtual house you’re going to look at a few times? 3 bucks for a virtual jacket that could disappear at any moment, that you will eventually abandon. Many users have thousands of pieces in their avatars wardrobe bought before the changes. They spend hundreds on the “game” . Must feel like a sock in the face to them. For new users and kids, you get really crappy looking things if you can pay or beg. Lots of beggars running about. I just … do kids pay tens or hundreds for games? Do kids have credit cards now? I didn’t have one til I was 15. Last thing I wanted was virtual sneakers.

It’s a totally antisocial concept framed as a social game. I wouldn’t want to talk to another user or anyone behind a screen. There’s a reason you’re behind a screen I don’t wanna see it. The one time I tested it was so sad. It was that Indian m com student. He sent me a picture. He was looking down and so airbrushed his face looked like… an avatar. Makes sense. I’m sure a lot of them feel they need to be as perfect as their pixel-self. Some of them work hard on blogs where they too have smoothed out any “imperfection” and try to look like their fucking avatars. These are not healthy people. Some maintain their avatars as a second life. The avatars have jobs and families, babies and spouses. Weddings and careers, usually as models. Virtual dress-up, virtual doll houses, virtual everything. And the babies… wow, they look exactly like the baby from Trainspotting who dies of heroin overdose. Exactly like. Creepy. I wonder if they’re still around. Eww, I checked. They are. 11999 for a baby in the accessories department. I gotta get a pic. Haven’t seen them in use.

Maybe they’re schizophrenic. Marketing to kids….and babies. Okay. The womens clothes are mostly whore clothes. Inappropriate for 13. Imagine your 13 year old wants your card to buy virtual lingerie and a baby to raise with her virtual husband. It’s SO fucked up. They look like Brazilian hookers. No joke. I don’t want to imagine 13 yr old girls buying virtual babies and g-strings and hooker animations. Fine for poor people in slums who are having babies already, but that isn’t the girl with the credit card. It don’t get the marketing strategy. Is it meant to goose… so,etching before the company is sold? Why alienate loyal users who pay in favor of 13 yr olds who can’t or lose interest in a week or when their coin is all gone? Can’t imagine it’ll last much longer. If I’d paid, I’d be bothered. Imagine you’ve spent years amassing a collection of things that make you laugh or smile and spent hundred on it. Hundreds of hours blogging it and making friends through it and then, it’s just gone. They can’t transfer their friends to another platform because there isn’t one like it. You are your avatar and your avatar is… gone.

957am Saturday 22 January.

The London fashion designers apt is 2999 15 hrs later.

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wincore · 3 years ago

Note

can i be 👻 anon?! (dfhg i jus realized that it's shorter than 'same as prev anon')

IKR !! fiction smh makes getting bitten by a vampire sound like a 'hawt' ordeal it barely feels like a humanoid mosquito is drinking your blood

also humour is v underrated at times; i grew up reading this comic in a kids mag where a fangless vampire kid has a series of the adventures trying to find a proper pair of fangs so that he can fit in w the vampire society (spoiler alert: he never gets it) so reading twilight later on was a whole new experience by itself like whoa how did they just go from a 0-100 😬 (i prefer cassandra clare)

twilight au w hyuck 👀 idk the last time i read a miss.lana hyuck fic (i become attracted to seaweed), i stared at the wall grinning like an idiot for 15 mins straight (my tsundere part's ego was crushed)

yes hq the same lovely fandom where the shipping gets soo out of control that you forget that it's your fav emotional support volleyboys they're still talking about 😔 (lowkey only talk ab anime to my irls the toxicity here is overwhelming)

i learnt ab smut the hard way (13 yr old me + drarry smut without warnings = me not reading ff for the next few months out of fear; this goes without saying but smut writers who don't add warnings to their works are the worst of the worst) and NO YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE AN ASSHOLE everyday in tumblr dot com is an obstacle course bc the tag blocking function smh never blocks the smut <//3

this was the hq fic i was talking about.. op is no longer active but i love their fics sm !! and this grim reaper! taeil au by @/naptaemed is great !!

p.s. moon i've read sweet tooth pls it's one of my fave vamp aus here <33 the idea of a low-alcohol tolerance vamp sicheng is jus super cute kay 🤧also your grim reaper tyong! au no, maybe, yes fdgkdh my heart skipped a beat every time mc almost died and ridiculously sweet boy taeyong saves them (he better set up a profile on linkedin, this grim reaper thing is so not his thing)

ofc you can!!!

also, sorry for the late response moonpie :( got a little busy with my weekend plans and finals crashing on me right after but i guess i like to live dangerously 🤪

djshghds the only vampire media i liked was castlevania (the show, i haven't played the game) bc there's nothing sexy about the vampires there (except carmilla bc we love ambitious women) and they're treated as the violent predators they really are. (gore tw// like, every time a vampire bit into a human neck in the show, the neck was already getting torn off the shoulders 😬)

omg i never got around to reading cassandra clare, my friends recommended her all the time! also plsss what comic is that it sounds right up my alley (does it make me childish if i like stuff from a kids magazine??)

miss lana does produce masterpiece after masterpiece also she graduated so it is my time to pester her for some god tier fics every day 😌her fics make me 😩😩😩

SAME like i only discuss anime with my friends bc. if i experience the anime side of the internet for longer than 30 seconds, my internal organs will combust and i will be reduced to ashes immediately after. the hq fandom is honestly terrifying which is such a sharp contrast to the anime content dsjdhsdh

NAURRRR that would scar me too. i stumbled onto smut on wattpad i think?? bc back then i thought it was a site for legitimate books 🥴and. ended up reading some gay pirate sex (not one piece). anyway, it's all in the past now.

AHHH!!! i get so happy to see semi fics thank you for blessing me with that, love!!! this fic is going to make me cry, isn't it 🥲i'll check out the grim reaper fic too!! i think that au really suits taeil somehow 🤔

THANK YOU SO MUCH, DEARIE!!!! sweet tooth is honestly a fav of mine bc it's mindless fluff and i do believe that if vampires have no blood,,, won't their blood alcohol content be 100% if they drink?? dshjksdh poor taeyong, only the grim reaper has luck terrible enough to fall for someone that accident prone 😩(and yes, he did set up his linked in profile for reaping but they mistook it for farming so i guess he's in the agriculture industry now.)

#👻 anon #anon #answered #tw: gore #<- tagging it just in case gdksgs

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myrunreports · 4 years ago

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2020 American Heroes 100

I was pretty sure that the American Heroes 100 mile run would not happen this year. Back in May, the 49 yr old race director died from complications of back surgery. Most races have been cancelled this year due to COVID. There were no updates on the race webpage or FaceBook, so it seemed like it just wouldn’t happen. I kept looking for some kind of announcement either way and finally, a couple weeks ago, I learned that the race would go on after all. I had just finished the 4 month long virtual race across Tennessee – 1270 miles covered from May 4 to August 30. I waited a whole 24 hours after finishing that to sign up for American Heroes. The week before the race was kind of crazy. Wildfires nearby and on the west coast were causing terrible air quality. We had been having very high temperatures and then on Tuesday, a big cold front came in dropping temps by 50 some degrees and bringing snow and rain. The forecast showed a nice rebound by the Friday morning start. Five days before the race, I was working on making a flagstone patio. Moving the stones and 50 lb sacks of sand strained my back a little so I decided no more of that before the race.

Friday morning, I finished packing my gear and loaded up the van. Shah kinesio taped my low back in the same pattern as last year (partially for the low back strain I already had and preventive because I’ve had low back pain in other ultras). I often get a bad pain in the neck/shoulder area on the left side during long runs, so I also got a piece of kinesio tape on my neck hoping I could avoid that. Kinesio tape is magic for me! I did my usual foot taping and was ready to go by 8:30.

I got my camp all set up in the Roger’s Grove park in Longmont, picked up my race number, ankle bracelet (this race has both ankle bracelet chip and chip on the bib to make sure the chip reader doesn’t miss any laps) and shirt then had a bit of time before the start at 10:11. There are many different distances for this race, all with start times corresponding to events of 9/11. The 100 mile race has a 30 hour time limit, ending at 4:11 Saturday afternoon. The sky was overcast and temp was perfect for running, low 60’s at the start. Fifteen people entered this year but only six of us showed up.

At 10:11, we hit the trail. The course is 1.05 mile loops of mostly dirt, sand/gravel and a little bit of pavement. Pat was the first of many of my running buddies there to keep me company. She ran the first 16 miles with me. Not too long after she left, Shah showed up and he walked a lap with me. He also brought me a spicy chicken sandwich from Popeyes – I decided I would hold on to that for after the race. Spicy anything during a long run is not a good idea! When we finished that lap, Donna was at my camp. Her car was in the shop a couple blocks away getting new tires, so it was convenient (under the circumstances, though not that convenient overall for her!) to walk over to the park. We walked together for six laps. I was feeling fine, but getting some hot spots on my left foot despite all my preventive taping. I don’t typically have issues with my feet but have had this same problem the last two years at this race. On the off chance that it was my shoes or socks causing the problem, I changed both. The foot pain was annoying but tolerable. At 4:11, about 15 runners in the 24 hour race started so there were a few more runners on the course.

I normally don’t eat anything from the aid stations, just stick to my Hammer Nutrition fuels, but they had these delicious fig cookies and I thought it would be ok, so I ate a couple. Sometime late afternoon, I was a few tenths of a mile away from the bathroom (we get real indoor flush toilets at this race!) when I realized I needed to be there NOW. I almost made it. Luckily it was not a catastrophic event – could have been much worse! I think figs are just a bit too much fiber for me during a race. After that, I had what just felt like pressure in my low gut. Not awful nausea or cramping, but not quite right and it made it hard for me to take in calories. Sometime in late afternoon, a guy walking his dog asked me “is this the same race that was going on this morning?” Yep – it’ll still be going on tomorrow morning and afternoon too!

By evening, it was getting pretty cool out. I gradually added long sleeve shirt, light wind breaker, light gloves, down jacket, light beanie, warmer beanie and warmer gloves. Judy arrived a little after 8:00 with a Smashburger for me and she joined me for ?? miles. I was getting chilled and couldn’t really eat much and my stupid foot was still hurting. Around 10:00 I said I wanted to lie down for a few minutes. I crawled in my sleeping bag and warmed up while Judy patiently sat outside. My timer went off after 10 minutes and we got back to walking. I think she left around 11:00. At midnight, I decided I was ready for a nap so I set my timer for 30 minutes and crawled into my sleeping bag. It felt so good, I stayed there another 30 minutes. I went back out for another hour, then back to the tent at 1:00. I think the combination of my gut and my foot were wearing me down. I probably could have managed just one of those things. I kept setting my timer for 30 minutes and at some point, I did the math and decided I was not on track for a 100 mile finish. Once I made that decision, I figured I might as well enjoy the warm sleeping bag and get some rest. I checked on the toe that hurt so much but it just looked red and angry. Back out to run some more at 4:30. Cat arrived a little after 5:00. My gut was feeling much better by this time and my only real complaint was my foot.

I didn’t recognize any runners from the last 2 years, but I did see some people I had seen other places. The first place guy in the 100 mile race had a sign on him that said “Legally Blind”. I saw him and his pacer at Chase the Moon a couple months ago. Really nice guy – he somehow knew my name and would always say something nice as he lapped me (many times!) He apparently has enough vision to run alone sometimes. He had a pacer running ahead of him announcing obstacles and he wore a super bright headlamp. He was coming up behind Judy and me and we heard his pacer tell him to step up (dirt path met up with sidewalk) and then we heard an awful crash. He didn’t make that step up. It hardly seemed to faze him though. He just jumped right up and kept on running. I also recognized a runner I had seen at races in California. His nickname is “the running jester” and he’s easily recognizable by his clothes and jester’s hat. He was there for the 24 hour race. Saturday morning, I saw a woman I’ve visited with at several races around here so we chatted for a bit. One of the really nice things about a short loop course is that you get to see the same people many times and there’s a nice camaraderie to that. It’s especially nice to see how the fast people just keep on with such a steady pace.

As the morning went on, all the shorter distance races began and these annoyingly fresh-looking runners joined us on the course. Julie came and joined us for some miles later in the morning. Saturday was warming up a lot more than Friday. I was starting to think about when would be a good quitting point. Since I knew I wasn’t going to make 100, I should pick some meaningful distance. Cat was game for pretty much any distance (within reason, of course) and she planned on running marathon distance so I was thinking maybe 80 miles would be good. My toe was really throwing a tantrum though and I came up with a new goal: 78.6 miles. That’s 3 marathons distance and I could finish a couple laps sooner than 80.

I ran most of that last lap and finished with a sprint. The RD tried to convince me that I should go for another one but I was already mentally done. My final distance was 78.75 miles in 26:12, including 5 ½ hours of resting. My back and neck were never an issue thanks to the Kinesio tape. I’ve got a year to figure out how to protect that pinky toe so I can go the full distance next year. I think the problem is going in a circle, always turning to the right. I never have this problem in other races!

Sunday morning update: I feel fine this morning and the problem toe is just tender. When I drained that blister last night, the toenail was just kind of floating around on that loose blister skin. It will be interesting to see how that heals. I would be fine if the nail doesn’t come back after it inevitably falls off. I think I would be ok if that whole toe just fell off! My legs aren’t sore and I’m ready to meet up with Julie and Cat for a short easy run. Thanks to all the Allenspark Pack Runners who made my run so much more fun!

Click the “keep reading” to see an ugly blister

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