#horrible man i heart you
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Bacon & Eggs
Pairing: Zapp Renfro/Reader Rating: Teen and Up Words: 7179 Read on AO3
Summary: You’re getting awfully tired of being woken up in the middle of the night. (Or: four times Zapp crashes on your couch uninvited, and the one time you invite him to stay.)
#i am. tragically. in love with him.#horrible man i heart you#sef writes#zapp renfro x reader#kekkai sensen#blood blockade battlefront#zapp renfro#x reader#reader insert
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#valerie gray#danny fenton#danny phantom#grayghost#gray ghost#my art#fan art#taking that ''you have to draw horribly" advice to HEART and then slapping like 6 gradients over the mess to make it appear competent#idk i wanna revisit the concept of contact+their relationship evolving#like pinky swear->shaking hands->holding eachother i guess?#like despite the setbacks+hurt they both cause#it also has like joy+value. like the idea of knowing and trusting others depite lies and betrayal is worth the pain for the good or somethi#also i wanted 2 try the idea of the suit val gets from vlad looking like his. idk might b too on the nose tho... ill overthink it l8er#idk man its 4 am. my brain stopped being able to draw how i wanna weeks ago. (meds stoped working yippie! this wil b fixed soon <3)#wanna revisit this once i get my shit together but UNTIL THEN...#im going to bed and posting this and ur gonna looka t it and understand my vision through it all ok? ty!
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why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?
This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.
Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.
New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.
Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.
But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.
You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.
My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.
Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.
#I’m mostly silly or character headcanon focused on this blog#but sometimes I forget some people literally have never interacted with someone slightly outside of their ideologies or don’t learn about#philosophies that don’t pertain to their view point and actively block them out#and so I have like a meltdown and occasionally post about it cause like I see more people hate Danse for regurgitating BoS teachings than#hate Joshua Graham who helped found the legion participated in their practices and still has this weird bloodlust#like make it make sense why do you like this white man genuinly like outside of his aesthetic#I can say silly shit about them hit it’s always I think it’s surreal they even exist while others genuinely wish they did so they could fix#them and some of all don’t realize how quickly jokes lead people down rabbit holes and pipe lines cause ur not gonna see posts even pitying#that man in here#like when I defend Danse it is through the signs and events in game that show he is not stuck in his ways and possibly only adopted those#beliefs because of his tramatic events with super mutants and the bos being very anti anything not human#their are affinity reaction that concern this while Joshua like moans yes when killing the white legs and is always polishing his gun goon#pile like I’ve learned too much about him the Mormon faith and that dlc to be told I’m playing favorites he is not fixable or repentent#this fandom has one of the worst issues of he’s my fave so he can’t do wrong when some of this characters are literal unapologetic rapist#racists or individuals who condone or perpetuate like ideas and concepts like obviously I’m gonna not like them????!#like I still think it’s interest to dissect them and I try so hard to not be a hypocrite but sometimes it’s like the whole this is just a#fun thing for you but like be aware of what you are taking in and reflect like is so important fiction can slowly seep into your morals#I’m rambling and losing track of shit so imma stop here before I reach the tag limit but again dm and ask cause this is the stuff I will#blab about#horrible at normal conversation tho#fallout#fallout new vegas#joshua graham#honest hearts#ask#anon#fallout 3
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happy pride. i am aroace. yes i date people (rarely) and have a lot of love to give. no i dont need to explain myself to anyone...
(also a reminder that the "A" in LGBTQIA stands for Agender, Asexual and Aromantic. It will never, and has never, stood for ally. thanks.)
#but if you WANT an explanation#fine. here it is#I'm strictly asexual#I've never been and will never be sexually attracted to anyone#i have had sex with someone i felt very emotionally connected to and safe with#i also unfortunately had sex with a horrible ex that guilted me into it#as for being aromantic#I'm demiromantic#im questioning if I'm homoromantic or just biromantic#i have loved a man before and it was intense#probably the only true love ive had so far#but im just so much more romantically attracted to women#i just havent been around that many queer women that i didnt categorize as “friend” yknow?#but anyway#yes#i am aroace#aroace#aromantic#asexual#pride#pride 2024#lgbtq+#lesbian#sapphic#i wish i could let people escape the friendzone but unfortunately my brain and heart do not function that way.#i tried. i really did.#but thats a story for another day
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I just remembered that the main conflict between HMS is Heart and Mind hating each other and violent rejecting harmonisation bc I'm just so used to Soul being the problem and Heart and Mind being loving brothers who just like to play fight a lot
Like… Heart and Mind are extremely cruel to each other in canon
Heart literally attempts to murder Mind and Mind mocks Heart as he tortures him
That's so horrible, and yet in the la la land of AXYER world they're driving home from a party and buying Taco Bell and Heart's not wearing a shirt and Mind hasn't slept in four days
#chonny jash#chonny jash heart#cj heart#cccc heart#chonny jash mind#cj mind#cccc mind#chonny jash soul#cj soul#cccc soul#chonny's charming chaos compendium#cccc#untitled chonny jash au#lost at sea#chonny jash au#cj au#cccc au#copy-pasted from discord#I'm serious tho Heart and Mind in my AU are just homies#like they snuggle and play Minecraft and buy each other gifts and what-have-you#they do gots the sibling rivalry but yk#Mind helps Heart with his disability (blind + unable to feel pain)#and Heart makes sure Mind rests and takes over when he's burnt out#and then there's THIS rat (Soul) /silly#in like every AU of mine except Pillow Club and Lost at Sea Soul is horrible#I mean he's been through so so so so much so it's expected#but man forty-eight minutes is a long time Soul#/ref
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Fernando be careful, you're not in your youth anymore!
#aston has deaged him like at least a decade and a half i swear#young at heart <3#tbh tho after watching him body several horrible crashes in dakar and such i really dont think anything could take him down#like you think jumping over a car coild break him? this mf drove w a broken hand and jaw#but man i love aston's socmed i feel like they just allow him to be such a menace on main#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#formula one#fa14#we do a little bit of f1
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genuinely the most evil move ever for Larian to have made Astarion look so beautiful while in the sun knowing damn well that his time in the sunlight would be so short. cruel and mean and unkind. he was not built for living in the shadows he was built for putting cucumbers on his eyes and laying on the beach
#so sad#sometimes i will talk to him while he’s standing in flowers with sunlight in his hair and my heart breaks#no one look at me i’m sick about the horrible vampire man#no one understands him like i do#if you don’t like me bg3 posting. sorry it will happen again#bg3#astarion#baldur's gate 3
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Asuka from NGE holding my cat Zibout cuz Mar’ said they were similar and it was such a horrible thought I had to draw it hehe ( ̄▽ ̄ )
I did the sketch in between gobril prompts to not get tired of it and I finished it now yay !
#neon genesis asuka#asuka langley soryu#evangelion#neon genesis evangelion#my cat#cat#allsaasart#SaaSart#he is horrible he is a terrible awful son and i love him with all my heart#he hates being lifted and hugged or kissed but also he is never happy if you know him you can confirm dhehudzhu#he is also huge yes usually the first thing people say when meeting him is WOW HE IS BIG huduehzd big boy mister man
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i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit
#sorry. i dont think theres any good and plausible explanation for rhine to still be a kind or gentle person in general#she can (and SHOULD) have her moments. but it'd make so much more sense (and be much more impactful) for her to be inherently cruel#because look at all the stuff thats happened#i love the indomitable human spirit trope. dont get me wrong.#but rhine has that in the way she WONT stop her research till shes either dead or murdered. she is not gonna be gentle kind and optimistic#she watched all her kids (that she was SHOWN to care for) get very brutally murdered.#had to then go and kill her next creations that she didn't consider perfect (which most certainly fucks a women up. no matter what you say)#made the 'perfect creation' and the way she treated him was obviously a HUGE contrast to how she was before (being gentle and nuturing)#and left him (albeit with what we can guess was good intent) with NO goodbye just#a recommendation letter. a text. and his final mission#she could have good intent#and still care for others#dont get me wrong!!!!!!!#but shes. human???#humans can be (as much as i hate to say it) a tad selfish when it comes to survival#and being antagonized demonized AND shunned by teyvat and even her own people. having to survive multiple gods wrath#isn't. gonna be good for the human psych#and it isn't gonna be something fixable#look at how furina progressively faltered over a hundered years WHILE being adored#she already started waning in her ethics and morals (as someone immortalized as a human WOULD)#with exposing lyney and all of that when it was VERY clearly the morally wrong thing to do (which her as a human would know)#and being relatively pessimistic and clearly spiralling#(no hate. i love furina with all my heart.)#if thats how FURINA started going#imagine rhine who has nobody (save maybe alice. but i doubt she'd be constant given her spontaneous nature and refusal to sit still)#shit man. even I'D go crazy and be horrible.#its okay and natural to be bitter#and its not as if anybody was there to help#hexenzirkel has a ton of women who survived their own nations falling yes#but not ONE of them (from what we know) has had circumstances any where near rhine's
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that bailey post is pure copium
It does have a healthy amount of denial I am not shy or ashamed about that 👀
But at the same time, I do not base my thoughts on nothing, I base it his dialogue and scenes partnered with a bit of psychology! And you know what I'll take this chance to ramble even more because I always have thoughts on DOL characters and their complexity
I am in no way shape or form saying that Bailey is thinking sunshine and rainbows and the stereotypical loving sighs everytime he thinks of PC-- quite the opposite 👀
I think, no matter what situation, you're literally not getting any cute loving relationship with Bailey, I think that man is too far broken, too guarded, too self-isolated. He'd not really allow it for himself, and if he did... It'd probably be deeply toxic and controlling. Because that's... What he knows.
I think the whole thing is, Bailey doesn't want a weakness. He doesn't want to have any of that kind of feelings (frankly he seems to try to be detached from feelings in general), and I think even /realizing/ having any sort of feelings like that would infuriate him to no end, he'd internalize it and it'd eat him up inside.
And with that being said, I do genuinely think he does have a soft spot for the PC. Again, not a cutesy "Oh I love PC so much!!" absolutely fucking not. And sure, you could say it's only because PC brings in the most money,,, but I think it's more than that.
I've already listed a few of my reasons in my previous Bailey post, but honestly even if we just look at personality...
I think the two big archetypes of PC-personality is the Defiant who looks Bailey in the eyes without fear, isn't scared of him, fights back, refuses to conform, and protects the others. A pain in his ass, a thorn that won't be pricked.
Or, the neutral-to-submissive type, who does as asked, helps everyone around the Orphanage, helps everyone around town, tries to keep hope and stay strong especially for the younger orphans. Someone i could see make him almost even more bitter.
And honestly... this is PURE speculation, because we don't know canonically Bailey's past yet... But I could straight up see that some of Bailey's speculated soft spot could come from seeing some of his younger self in the PC, maybe before the bitterness overtook him, before he became this hard shell that knew that the only way to ignore his own misery was at least captilazing on others, that the world would remain broken regardless of what he did.
Or maybe the version of himself he wished he could have been.
I am however simply speculating it could be something like that!! because genuinely psychologically pretty much no one turns out like him, without being deeply broken themselves.
But no to get back on the Bailey x PC dynamic
We know that everytime Bailey has shown these moments I've called attention to, they're almost immediately followed up by coldness.
Oh he came running because you screamed in the bathroom? Congrats you got slapped for wasting his time when there's nothing there. You managed to seduce him and make him admit he doesn't want you to leave? Yeah no you got shoved off him and kicked out of his office as soon as he was thinking rationally again.
-- and it's like that with everything when it comes to Bailey. Which is exact why I'll say again, Bailey is in no shape or form a lovesick puppy, and I don't think he realistically ever would be even if my speculated soft spot ever turned into something more. That man has stunted his emotions as what I would assume to be a survival instinct, recognized that emotions = weakness. Having people close = weakness.
But instead of continuously rambling on,, I'll sum it up and say that my conclusion is, that Bailey is a complex character there isn't a simple "Oh he's in love with the PC" or "Oh he doesn't care about anyone ever at all", it's much more complex than that. Just like I think a LOT of DOL characters are complex, which is part of why I love the game so much.
People definitely don't have to agree with me, and can absolutely say I'm in denial I'll accept that because even if it's denial I still love him 🤧
#Anyway that turned into more of a ramble than I intended#I just have a lot of feelings about DOL characters#Especially one like Bailey 🤧#Horribly broken man who does atrocious things but I love him#Sorry for the late reply to this!!! 💕#dol#degrees of lewdity#dol bailey#bailey the caretaker#Idk if any of this makes sense my brain is tired#But yes#Also one thing that IS my own weakness is my heart fluttering when he said to Whitney#You want to keep pretending my boy belongs to you?#Like sir 💕💕💕#woogarambles
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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putting a dastardly disgusting addition to my intro post to clear anything up 😐 its a hard economy out here
#i have reasons for not listing my exact age and i will not be doing thatand if you dont fw that that is OKAY just politely block pleas 🩷#if it wasnt already obvious from who i into woth and how disgusting i am. i am rpf and i am not a fetus LMAO#im childish and purposefully infantilize myself and wnat to be nice to people.and im very retarded. i am aslso disgustig 🩷🩷🩷#tw i use SLURS (that i can duh) and i do HORRIBLE DASTARDLY BUSINESS#idk why im yapping so hard but i keep bein reminded of it and im like man i guess i gotta put it in the intro post huh#but i have serious reasons about the whole nonspecific thing#and no im not telling you pink heart emoji#not oneyplays#yapfest#if you are in a seveer woth me you know myage if i perosnally know you you probably know how old i am#were just like one skded followih or rarely/dont dm im not handing my shit out
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hiiiii p!!
first impression: oh early talks really highly about this person and reblogs a lot from them! i should check them out but I'm 100% not getting into this fandom. oh he has such a funny little quick about not being the royal mail on here he seems fun! oh transmasc readers too!? yippee!!!
current: sunshine parker! absolutely wonderful writer who brings us amazing catdad!simon thoughts while being an awesome parent to their two creechurs. absolute delight in the fandom and I'm always so happy to see you in my notifications. such an incredibly educated and informed individual who articulates themself so well! infinitely cool and awesome. infinity aura as the kids would say - @mikichko 💕
kiko!!! i love you!! i'm trying to find the perfect reaction image but i can't so please have this picture of dolly, charlie and my mum's dog ross from today 💕
#pfh answers#first impressions ask game#kiko my love you have my heart in a vice grip and i love you so much#the horrible creechurs#poor ross was being stared at by dolly and charlie#leave the old man alone! he did nothing wrong!#(no mango in this picture because she’ll throw down with a dog)#please excuse the mess i create Doom Piles and forget they exist
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NGL do genuinely miss Heinrix. Him and Cas were not well suited for each other in the least but going back to the old stiff-but-polite greeting feels wrong.
#the biggest Heinrix bullyer is the one who put the jealousy/potential breakup event AFTER the big resolve shaking part of his personal quest#my man is having a horrible time and i want to hug him#the “its like he never had any emotion at all” bit when you leave him....my HEART#rogue trader#Casimira von Valancius
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guys it turns out kind ppl (and kind strangers) DO exist in this world and i have proof:
i’m at the gym + a lovely man just got a (big to me, probably tiny to others) SPIDER for me that was climbing over my treadmill !!!!!
and not only THAT, but he matched my jokey nervous energy (“i know it’s SO stupid, i’m so sorry, i was gonna be brave and get it myself until it started moving”) with kindness and levity of his own (“no problem at all, tell me if there’s any more lurking 🫡🔪”) !!!!!
(also i couldn’t just swap machines they were all full) but i was SO embarrassed + this stranger was SO kind !!!!! + i was soooo scared that i’d ask + the person would be like ??? wtf ??? okay ??? 🙄🙄🙄🤨🤨🤨 but he was so so so not like that !!!!!!!
[and, as further proof to make this kind stranger even kinder: when he got the spider, without making any mention or deal of it, i noticed that he very quickly checked under the main machine screen to make sure there were no more…………… 🥹 and he did that without even thinking i’d notice…………. 🥹]
#i could have CRIEDDDDDDDD#i was so scared i was gonna get somebody mean !!!!!#and then like 20 mins later when he left his treadmill he even said bye !!!!!!!#i have had such a horrible life full of so many horrible people that whenever something small like this happens my heart feels so warm#thank you kind man#i
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Okay, so I wanted to send my mutual an episode of KikoRiki to familiarise him with Pin — a character I really like (one episode isn't enough to say EVERYTHING about him, but dear god, he's the best, I love the kid robot's German mechanic dad :> )
Which meant I had to watch one episode to see what his name is, since some were changed in the English dub
And holy hell........
youtube
(English dub)
youtube
(Original)
The difference is driving me insane. Literally
I know that dubs aren't always good at conveying the original's intent, look no further than Gumball's Russian dub with its censorship of "harsh" words like "butt", but THEY STRAIGHT UP CHANGE LINES TO SOMETHING THAT BARELY MAKES THE DIALOGUE FLOW AND THE VOICES ARE KILLING ME
so yeah i found another thing to be mad at
#random.dusty#kikoriki#смешарики#pls where's the techno scatting in the end what the fuck is 'wally in the house' PLEASE 😭😭😭😭#you don't understand i love pin sm he's just like me fr#i love him speaking german i love him getting mad at things not working i LOVE that he went through essentially#an artist's crisis in one episode i love him laughing at his own stories despite nobody else getting it HE'S SO FUCKINGSTCSRSCSUCWJS#they didn't do justice to him and many others why does sovunya (olga) sound like that she's too young >:(#and losyash (doco)......... despite knowing what happens in the episode i thought that was kar-karych at first#WHERE'S THE BI WITH MALE LEAN VOICE?????? >:[[[[[[#also if you didn't know uh i'm a sovunya x kar-karych x losyash truther they're all married and they love each other sorry 💅💅💅#but anyways barash's (wally's) monologue in the middle about aliens capturing him to teach him their 'horrible' dances#IT'S SO NOT IT IN ENGLISH DUB LIKE MY MAN WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IT BARELY MAKES SENSE 💀💀💀💀#in rus it's 'did you get scared' 'no i'm not allowed to take anything close to heart. neither good nor bad'#'you're lucky. i get nightmares about aliens taking me on their ship and teaching me their horrible dances'#IT'S SO SIMPLE AND SO FLOWY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#russian media#Youtube
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