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fairytwles · 9 days ago

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Yellowjacket characters as Hollow Knight characters

- with some with serious analysis and some based off of just vibes

(will make a part two with more characters, these are the only ones i have figured out so far, if u have any suggestions lmk!!)

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

Natalie is Hornet

both become "royalty"

Hornet being the Pale King's and Herrah the Beast, Queen of Deepnests daughter

Natalie becoming their "leader" (maybe the antler queen)

protect others

hornet protects and guides ghost (after she realizes they're fr)

Natalie protects the yellowjackets, (she tries to protect javi, protects misty after shauna punched her, yj's trust her enough to protect them when they make her their leader)

Trust Issues

Hornet doesn't fuck w/ anyoneeeee until she knows they're good and all that, will do anything to help stop the infection

Natalie's got trust issues bc of too many reasons to fucking list

daddy issues

hornet's is self-explanatory

Natalie's dad a bitch

they're both badasses

no explanation needed <3

they also both carry cool long weapons <33 (nats gun and hornets needle)

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

Shauna is Cornifer

they both have to write/doodle or else they'll die

i don't really have an explanation for this one

kinda based this off of Jackie Being Iselda.... Cornifer loves Iselda, Shuana loves Jackie

both nerdsssss (affectionate)

both secretly badasses even though they look innocent (corny mapping the most dangerous areas in hallownest by himself) (Shauna going fucking crazy)

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

Jackie is Iselda

sassy queens

who are those divasssssss

they both got attitude and I love them for it

Iselda being annoyed with Cornifer 24/7

Jackie being annoyed in general 24/7 (so real)

THE it girls

i feel like jackie would be the type to say " Sigh....bapanada"

Stays back while the others do the heavy lifting

love my girl jackie (i am her and she is me)

but her and Iselda just sit around (and they look good doing it!)

Iselda runs the shop while cornifer goes down into hallownest to map it, exploring the most dangerous areas

Jackie stays at the cabin while shauna literally guts animals

corny and iselda = jackieshauna

this one was mostly based off of vibes to whoops

Iselda was once a warrior and left it to run her and Cornifers shop

Jackie was once team captain and got demoted to a lesser role

(not saying Iselda was demoted but she was in a position of power and now she isn't anymore?? if that makes sense, plus she doesn't seem the happiest running the shop lol)

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

Misty is The Pale Lurker

Crazy bitchessssssss

they both give off the same feral energy

they both seem like they would bite

when I was thinking of who would be who the first thing I thought was "misty would be that crazy jumping bitch from the Collosseum of Fools"

screams

Devotion

The Pale Lurker is obviously known to be super devoted to the pale king, even though his reign has long ended,

Misty is one of the first ones to be super devoted to "the wilderness" and it's powers, she calls out Jackie for not praying to the wilderness before the religion is even really established

she's also super devoted to natalie when she becomes their leader, this devotion leads all the way up to natalie's death 25 years later even though her "reign" ended decades ago.

Pale Lurker holds onto The Pale Kings ideas and reign while Misty holds onto the Wilderness and it's rules and ideas

they both go crazy because of their devotion (though arguably misty was crazy b4 hand, love her tho)

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

The Antler Queen is The Pale King

God Like Beings

The Pale king is a "higher being" who is known to have knowledge the common bugs don't

The Antler Queen is a god like entity in the wilderness, knowing and seemingly (?) controlling the weather, who dies etc.

Ruthlessness

pale king is known to be a cold hearted ruthless bitch (see: baby pit)

basically took over Hallownest and made it his own even though there were other communities already there

managed to get those communities (who already had leaders/gods of their own) to follow him instead

antler queen is known to be ruthless, killing javi, jackie, pit girl (etc.) (this is if the antler queen is truly a supernatural entity and not just the girls minds)

the girls easily turned to the wilderness, worshipping it as if it was always there

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

The Antler Queen is The Radiance

Both God like Beings (see The Antler Queen is The Pale King)

both are gods in a sense that they have devoted followers

Infection

The Radiance was upset about the pale kings rule, taking away her followers and leaving her forgotten, so she infected the minds of all the civilians to basically be her walking zombie puppets, slowly killing them all

The Antler Queen took Advantage of the Yellowjackets once they crashed in the woods, slowly infecting their minds (starting with Lottie) until they were all devoted to her (the antler queen) doing whatever it took to keep the wilderness happy

The Antler Queen and the wilderness slowly killed off the yellowjackets one by one with the "infection" of her rule.

the infected bugs attack ghost and hornet (who are not infected)

the girls attack the others who do not follow the wilderness (coach ben as a whole, jackie as a whole, though a more specific example would be misty calling out jackie for not praying, leading to jackies death)

Looks

they both got silly lil horns

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

Lottie is The Hollow Knight

The Chosen one

The Hollow Knight was seen as the truly 100% pure and hollow one, out of all the other discarded children, by the Pale King, leading him to be the "the chosen one" and the one to entrap the radiance

Lottie was seen as "the chosen one" by the wilderness and the antler queen, leading her to be "the Prophet" "saving" all the other yellowjackets by sharing the wildernesses word

The First One Infected

When The Hollow Knight successfully entraps the radiance inside of its shell it is the first one to get "infected" because the hk wasn't truly hollow, the radiance burst out, leading to the infection of all the citizens

Lottie was the first one to "hear" the wilderness, and introduced it to the rest of the yellowjackets, Lottie was the first one "infected" with the wildernesses mind, and she slowly infected the rest of the yj when she spread the word (aka the wilderness bursting out of her instead of her keeping it inside)

Regret

Hollow Knight regrets and hates itself for infecting the others and fighting ghost (u can see Hollow trying to stab himself in the final fight between him and ghost to try to help ghost kill him) even though he can't help it

Lottie unintentionally starts the hunt because of her devotion to the wilderness and it's need for sacrifice to keep it happy, she tells misty after they kill javi that "this isn't what she wanted" but there's no way to stop it now.

not the "true chosen one"

The Hollow Knight wasn't truly hollow, leading to the radiance and infection bursting out of him and infecting/killing the entirety of hallownest,

ghost takes his place at the end because he is the truly hollow one

Lottie gives away her place as "The Antler Queen" after the first hunt, saying she can't hear it anymore

Natalie takes her place after the wilderness saved her, deeming natalie worthy.

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

Javi is Ghost

just little guys

They're just little guys!!1!!!1 look at them!!!!!!!

they both don't talk (javi goes mute for a little bit, ghost literally doesn't have a soul so no brain=no talk)

baby

does

this one was purely vibes LMAO

give me ideas for a better ghost if u have one

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

This is part one to this!!! thank you for reading I love these silly little cannibals AND these silly little bugs

i put so much time into this so lmk what u think <33333

I'm gonna add more once I figure out who I want the other characters to be, I'm still trying to figure out (tai, van, coach ben, mari, gen, melissa, akilah, crystal, travis, jeff etc etc. if you have any ideas feel free to lmk!!!)

also should I make a new post for this when I add new characters or just add to this one???

tags: @jupititties (don't know when i'm gonna draw them but i couldn't get them off my mind, i love love love that you love hk too <3)

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹𖦹 *٭

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mamamittens · 8 months ago

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Can you please do a Platonic Yandere Whitebeard Pirates and U.A pirates (they're Yandere for the U.A pirates) a group of twenty kids, who are notorious for making, but good kids, who protect and save those from the navy Injustice

The Whitebeard pirates grow fond and attached to the U.A pirates, because of how good they are despite being pirates, so how would they react when the U.A pirates are being targeted by the league of villains, and always having injuries, bandages, and scars on their bodies please it's your choice

The phrasing of this ask is sending me cause it's sort of written like I wouldn't know what My Hero Academia is but also like I do.

Also, like Whitebeard's crew has something against any other pirate crew just cause they're pirates. He notoriously likes uppity brats with daddy issues and a thing for violence. And Class A (plus everyone's favorite sleepy purple boi if my memory is right) covers that collectively. Where their teachers are, idk. It kinda sounds like it's just the kids and honestly, that's a recipe for disaster for everyone else. Aizawa works so hard to contain his gremlins and now this? smh

I'm also a little confused from a world building perspective cause ain't no way in hell the league of villians would mesh well with marines or the WG. Which leaves rival pirates but if they're both just pirates, what's the beef? What's the persistent beef at that? They don't beef with Class A just cause it's on sight??? It's like, a whole 'we live in a society' thing.

I doubt LoV would be siding with the marines when they're being assholes, though they may not directly go against them unless it benifits them I suppose... that does leave the question as to why they're riding UA's ass this hard that they're constantly fucked up?

Seems kinda mean, which is weird to say. Doubt WBP would agree with it if they ran into it so they'd definitely intervene since they're already yandere. Probably keep em close and train em up before setting them lose IG?

Not sure what kinda answer you're expecting from this honestly. May as well have asked "Hey, if I smack this hornets nest with a stick and they've been imagining me twitching, foaming at the mouth at the precipice of death, what would happen?"

Probably that. The obvious thing you clearly expect.

#mittens answers #platonic yandere #bnha #who set these kids loose?!?#did worlds collide or reincarnation worked a little wonky #you'd think lov would have bigger fish to fry and without class a in the way #like they'd seriously defend celestial dragons #several are just vibrating to commit warcrimes as is #peace was never an option

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gffa · 1 year ago

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feel free to ignore if you think this is a hornets nest but what’s your opinion on devin grayson? personally, i think the bad rap is more so because she’s a woman - there’s men who have written worse but haven’t been torn down as viciously.

I'm honestly not fully sure of what her rep is, is she pretty reviled? Because any time I see criticism lately, it's usually centered around whoever's currently writing (right now I see a ton more for King and Taylor, I don't think I've seen anyone hardly mention Devin Grayson), but to be fair I'm still acclimating to being back, I have over a decade's worth of missed comics to cover and all. For me, I remember so vividly that I was so excited when she was first announced as upcoming on the Nightwing solo series because I'd loved her Gotham Knights stories, she seemed like she was right in my wheelhouse, that she wrote Dick and Babs interaction that I liked, she touched on Dick's issues with Bruce as a central figure in his life, etc. She seemed designed to appeal to me specifically! But then the issues started coming out and I was just very underwhelmed by her writing, not even her writing daddy issues with Dick and Bruce could do it for me and that's my ENTIRE REASON for being here, like how do you write it so even I am like, ".......no."???, and it felt to me like she was good at telling smaller, more self-contained stories, but that she didn't know what to do with the character when she had to plan his overall direction for the entire book. I think part of it is that she's a bit of a product of the time--I recently reread some of her stuff that I don't remember being all that controversial at the time, like the Romani story she did never jumped out at me while I was reading it back in the day (or maybe I just hung out in the wrong places for that sort of thing? I primarily got my interaction through the Nightwing/Bludhaven Yahoo! group) but I picked it up again and WOOF, that was bad. And, at the time, I don't really recall much reaction over the Tarantula storyline, either. But part of it is also that I just don't find her stuff to hold up, I read something more recent of hers (a single-issue story in an anthology or something? it's already slipped my mind, you can tell how much of an impression it left on me) and it just sort of slid right off me because I wasn't connecting with any of it. Ultimately, I don't hate her writing, but I don't find it particularly compelling, either. I think she had some strong views of the character that didn't mesh with a lot of people and was a lot more open about them than a lot of other writers were and I do think writers who try to be progressive and do it very imperfectly (which I suspect she was, given how she's a queer woman who probably occupies a lot of the same spaces we do) tend to get more backlash than those who don't do anything of interest or stay inside the safer zones. So, I feel like it's kind of middle ground territory for me--I've seen straight male writers get torn down just as much, but also you're not wrong that some spaces do go after women who dare to write a character differently, that I think her work has a lot of problems for me, especially because I'm not sure how much is clumsy wording on her part for her explanations/product of its time and how much is genuinely weird AF objectification stuff, but there are some cute moments as well. But also I haven't reread those Nightwing issues in like 20 years, so I'm purely going off my memories of what I experienced at the time and I have no idea how I might react differently, having grown so much that I'm basically a different person now, too, you know?

#lumi.txt #dc #batfam #dick grayson #devin grayson

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identity-theft-101 · 1 year ago

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hi i love you're art and i'm also a fan of creepypastas too. i would love to be friends with you, but that's only if you want too, i'm sorry if you don't. Hope you have a good day or night.

Hello!

You seem like a new Tumblr user! I am ok with being acquaintances but I would like to know a few things for your safety and my own.

I see you do not have a posted age or something to signify that! ie: a tag line that says [__ years old] or [Minor] or [Not a Minor]. I would like to know whether or not you are a Minor so I can keep my topics age appropriate. I do not want to accidentally traumatize a 14 year old or something.

You have no pronouns or preferred name listed! What is your preferred name and how should I address you?

I do not tolerate Transphobia, Pedophilia or Racism! I also feel strongly about mental health as someone who has had experiences with several issues AND is studying psychology. Please Respect People.

If you have triggers please let me know so I can avoid them

No Amrican politics. I'm American and Everything with politics Sucks.

Mary-Gary Sues/Sparkly Dog Ocs kinda annoy me. They're cool I suppose, but I also like the realism of people not having god powers

Creepypasta specific: I don't do the Whole TOBY LIKES WAFFLES and MASKY LIKES CHEESECAKE thing. I find it annoying. ALSO: I categorize Marble Hornets as not technically creepypasta, but it was adopted by the creepypasta fandom.

I have next to no ability to read social interactions and have trouble with understanding things sometimes. If I seem passive aggressive or rude, I am probably not intentionally being that way. If I ask you to say something differently, please understand that my brain is not processing the way that you previously said it.

I HAVE forgotten that people exist. Please Don't feel offended if I don't respond to you for a while, I probably forgot and may need a reminder. General rule of thumb is a reminder after 72 hours.

If you are mad, tell me. If you hate me, block me. I don't do the he said she said stuff. It irritates me and I'm done with social media smear campaigns. I've dealt with that and refuse to deal with it again.

If you are an older person: NO, I am not interested in onlyfans, having a sugar mommy/daddy or whatever. Do not contact me about hook ups or pictures or anything of the sort! I find people being attracted to me mildly disturbing, actually.

TL:DR I am bad at socializing, I don't wanna tramatize you (Please tell me if you are a Minor; you have no age posted), and please Respect people and don't be horrible/ support horrible stuff!

#askbox #YOU SEEM REALLY NEW AND YOUNG #I WANT TO ENCOURAGE THE SOCIALIZING #BUT ALSO LIKE #IF YOU'RE A MINOR I DONT WANT TO DESCRIBE IN DETAIL HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE YOUR TOENAIL RIPPED OFF OR SOMETHING?!#Please add an age to your blog bro #young people scare be tbh #like fr im terrified i dont know how childs act #will it bite me??? idk it might?!

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abyssal-endling · 1 year ago

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any common threads in ur favorite characters/media?

ough. okay so i definitely love unhinged characters, himbos, and redheads. lets start there.

characters with family issues i definitely tend to lean towards. ones with trouble opening up or allowing themselves to rely on others, ones who feel things intensely, ones who push themselves to help others to the point of it harming them, disabled characters. Also, things that symbolize trauma

But I also adore characters that find beauty in small things.

(cw under the cut for csa/cocsa, suicide, self harm, depression, ptsd)

Spoilers for Silent Hill 2, Hollow Knight, Resident Evil, Yume Nikki, Gacha Game Impact

one of my favorite characters is Angela Orosco from Silent Hill 2. She was one of the first I ever saw myself in, too, at age 8 or so. A monster designed for Angela in the game is the Abstract Daddy- representational of the abuse she suffered at the hands of her brother and father, and there's a room that also represents what she endured as well. Angela ends up committing suicide later in the game, something that destroyed me when I played this game because I so desperately wanted her to happy ending. In my mind, if she could have one, I could, too.

Yume Nikki has a LOT of symbolism for abuse as well, and obviously Madotsuki dies at the end as well.

Resident Evil. God. Chris Redfield loses SO many people he cares for. The other members of STARS, Jill (albeit temporarily, but you see how it affects him in 5), Piers and the others on Alpha Team. In 6, Chris literally talks about how he wants to retire, how he's done. But he keeps going because Piers turns himself to save Chris. He looks noticeably more tired in each game. He didn't want his sister to follow in his footsteps, but that didn't work out.

Hollow Knight itself has a death grip on me, I love this game so much. Elderbug is the last one in Dirtmouth and he's SO appreciative when you talk to him. Quirrel slowly dying, enjoying the places in the world. Cloth wishing to die in battle to be reunited with her lover, sacrificing herself to aid you in battle. Myla, mining away and singing, even as infection takes over her. Cornifer has a line "we are extraordinarily lucky, you and I," regarding how you and he get to explore the world. Hornet, losing everyone, being the last protector of the kingdom, taking a moment to mourn her mother. Hollow, who loved their father so much, calling out to him with the Dreamnail and actively stabbing themselves in your fight.

Silly gacha game affected me with the storyline of a child who was sacrificed and is caught in a timeloop. You cannot save him, no matter how many times you go through the loop. And he's okay with it. He says it's okay that he'll die. You cannot save him. Another character befriends you and dies from trying to become strong enough to help you. One of the player characters fell into the game's equivalent of hell as a kid and his eyes no longer reflect light because of it, and he swears to never let his siblings' dreams die, even if it causes him himself extreme pain or death. Another player character became a zombie, but forgets things, and she doesn't remember her parents, or those she knew prior to her death thousands of years ago, while a third is in constant pain but refuses to let himself be near others for their own safety.

There's a lot of others, too. Characters that are deemed weird by other characters, or are outcasts. Father Grigori in Half Life? He's been driven mad, and he comes to help you, most likely sacrificing himself in the process. (We don't actually know for sure what happens but) Ethan Winters in Resident Evil loves so much that he survives for way longer than he should have. Houston being an outcast both in Payday AND in the community AND family problems. Vlad is crazy, an outcast, but he loves. He mentions how everything is fine as long as Harjudin is safe in Ukrainian Prisoner, and asks multiple times what's going on with Bain. Roderika in Elden Ring ough... There's a lot of characters that mean a lot to me.

I don't think I actually answered this but essentially characters and media that use symbolism in various ways, that explore trauma and/or show, appreciate smaller things, and find love in hidden places mean a lot to me

#answered asks #THANK YOU #bubby was chewing on me the whole time i typed this #i need to go cry about hollow knight for many reasons

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bugslaststraw · 3 years ago

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Vessel ages/Hallownest timeline rant:

Ok so it's incredibly probable The Hollow Knight is the youngest sibling since when they found their perfect vessel they must have stopped making them, and that means since Hornet is said to have had very little time with Herrah she could have been created when the arrangement was set to use the dreamers as a seal. But was that set before or after the Hollow was chosen as the perfect vessel? We have no idea. Hornet radiates older sister energy like a damn beacon but there's a genuine chance she's younger still than Hollow.

As for the Knight, shit, they could be one of the very first vessels to be made for all we know. Were they thrown down into the Pit™ right at the Void Heart flashback, or had they climbed up only to slip back down? Also, since we saw Hollow and the Knight being the same size in that flashback and Hollow grew but Knight did not, that should mean vessels growing doesn't have much to do with their age. Or do they need soul to grow and Knight couldn't get it down there?

Also, how long has it really been between vessel creation and the canon events of the game? We know people like Ogrim, Quirrel were alive back then and still are. We even know Ogrim was an adult and a famous knight at the time. Some people, like the nailmasters, call the Knight part of the "next generation" (which is a generous way to describe a detached part of an ancient eternal void hivemind but okay) so that means they're also around that age. Makes sense. Probably means the Nailsmith was also alive to see Hallownest in its glory days, as well as Elderbug.

Okay, well, how old is the Knight to a normal bug then? Like at what stage of their lives kinda thing. I have a very hard time believing the Knight is a child but that still leaves me with absolutely nothing. I guess since Bretta is referred to as a "lass" or something like that it gives us a margin on her age since she's young enough to be called that but old enough to live alone, and since she falls in love with the knight we can assume that they end up that age or older. I'm inclined to older but not by much.

That actually poses the question of how old Zote is. Because of the mouth he looks kind of old, but also, Elderbug is old for sure and they have the same mouth and face kinda but they're different in size. Does that mean Zote is young because he's small...? Or maybe age and size have no correlation in this universe? Also I just don't wanna believe Zote isn't a boomer. Look at him.

Speaking of that, Zote and Elderbug look a lot like vessels only with mouths. Does that mean vessels were modelled after their species? Are those their faces or are they masks? I have already sent a strongly worded note to the Maskmaker and he hasn't answered. Or even more cursed, are Zote and Elderbug vessels? Also who's Zote's dad. We know he's got daddy issues, who's the guy in question. Is it Elderbug? Probably not.

Anyway.

Ka-chow.

#hollow knight #long post #rant #hk #hk thk #hk elderbug #hk zote #hk hornet #hk ghost #hallownest

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tiger-manya · 4 years ago

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So, my Miraculous Ulysses AU.

I was genuinely surprised how many people responded to this (which is like… ten, but still). Thank you everyone, @furryhamlet in particular. I don’t know how serious I am about this, but does anybody really?

First, let us take a moment to establish the main similarities between Ulysses, a modernist masterpiece by James Joyce, and Miraculous Ladybug, a (debatably metamodern?) kids show:

puns;

the revolutionary new trope of main hero having a dead mother and the resulting father issues (never done before or after);

farts and bathroom humour (more prevalent in Ulysses, of course).

I think everything is quite clear.

And now, without further ado, Miraculous Ulysses AU:

It’s still Dublin, it’s still 1904, but now there’s also magic. And superheroes.

Stephen Dedalus has a black cat miraculous; Buck Mulligan has a bee miraculous; Simon Dedalus has a butterfly miraculous (not because I think it suits him, but because someone has to); Leopold Bloom is the guardian, but he doesn't do a very good job; Molly is often Ladybug, but it's not like she cares a lot.

All of them, of course, have different names for their alternate personas, but I'm not clever enough with names and not skilled enough with English language. Let's just say: Simon doesn't bother; Bloom comes up with a name for every person he gives a miraculous to, but none of them use those; Stephen has a million names, all very deep and clever, but the only one that stuck is whatever Mulligan mockingly called him that one time; and I don't know what's Bee!Mulligan name is, but it's inappropriate for general audiences.

I’ll have some placeholder names to make it easier for myself. Stephen may remain Chat Noir (he would probably name himself after a cabaret, at least to honour his teenage rebellion against church); Simon Dedalus can be Moth Daddy; Buck is… idk, Hornet? Hornet will do.

May Dedalus, Stephen’s mother, died not from cancer but from the misuse of the damaged peacock miraculous. After her death, Simon started akumatizing people into villains. He’s aware of the wish, but at this point it’s mostly about revenge to Chat Noir.

(Chat Noir might be the one who damaged the peacock miraculous in the first place, but it never said outright.)

He, of course, doesn't know anything about his son being Chat. Stephen, however, knows everything about his parents, but has no idea what to do with this information. It's a source of his resentment, but he can't bring himself to properly sort out his feelings.

Mulligan and Stephen know nothing about each other’s alternate identities. Stephen is friends with Mulligan mostly because his father doesn't want it. He actually resents Mulligan a lot, but is sympathetic towards Hornet because sees him as someone similar to him, someone who could actually understand his world-view and take it seriously. Chat spends some efforts to turn Hornet to his side but to no avail. Mulligan, on the other hand, thinks Chat Noir is a pretentious prick, but has a lot of genuine admiration for Stephen, even though he hides it under the layers of sarcasm and cynicism, as he doesn't want to be seen as weak. And that is your love square, everybody.

Hornet starts out as an independent party, but at some point begins working for Moth. Naturally, Simon finds out his identity and that’s the main reason he doesn’t want to see him anywhere near his son.

It’s Bloom who deals with the most akuma emergencies. He often recruits different dubliners to his side, but almost none of them stick to the job. Chat helps time to time, even though this help is often incidental, and he’s a lot more interested in Hornet shenanigans. Bloom is aware of Chat, but they never have time to properly talk to each other. Bloom wants to meet him; Bloom is searching for him.

The guardian duties tire him a lot. Bloom inherited the miracle box from his father with three miraculous already missing. Later he lost the fourth one, the bee miraculous, which he considers his greatest mistake. His relationship with Molly is not that great either. She used to regularly take a role of Ladybug, but after her singing career took off, she started losing interest. Nowadays Bloom often gives the ladybug miraculous to other women. Gerty is one of them.

Boylan is there somewhere. There’s probably an episode where he gets akumatized and Bloom and Molly are the ones to deal with it (very awkward for all parties).

Just so you know, the masturbation scene is still there.

There are a lot of Odyssey themed akumas. For instance, local back-seat political expert The Citizen is turned into Cyclops.

There was one person Stephen tried to tell about Chat Noir. A few years ago, before his run off to Paris, he tried talking to Cranly about the ring. He immediately got excited about the possibilities, insisted he and Stephen could work together as a superhero team. Stephen tried to explain himself, but ultimately saw that Cranly wouldn't ever understand. He brushed the whole thing off as a joke and never returned to it. At some point, Stephen thinks he should reveal himself to Mulligan, but then remembers Cranly and decides against it.

Haines’s dream about panther hunting is still there and now it cuts even deeper.

There’s a Chat Blanc type episode. It’s called Pangur Bán and it’s about the horrifying alternate reality of Stephen staying in Ireland (it’s not that bad, actually, but Stephen has a meltdown).

Ultimately, Stephen finds out Hornet is Mulligan. That's what seals his betrayal to Stephen, so there is nothing he could do but go to the brothel and get drunk. What led him to this discovery is that during their last encounter Hornet reused one of Stephen's aphorisms only Mulligan could know at that point. (He also grossly misquoted it and twisted the meaning.)

It’s in the brothel that Bloom recognizes Stephen (who is severely drunk at this point) as a son of his friend and saves him from the trouble he’s about to lead himself into. That’s when he notices the ring and realizes that Stephen is Chat Noir.

Bloom is happy beyond belief. He’s finally met someone he could share his guardian duties with. He buys Stephen some food and lets him sober up a bit, afterwards he invites him to his home and proposes a plan. Stephen could live in Bloom’s house with a better, more stable job. Bloom could share all his guardian knowledge with him, so he could better control his powers. They could work together as a team to finally bring Moth and Hornet to justice and end all this mess. Finally, Stephen could become the next guardian and have a miracle box all to himself. He responds to this with silence. Bloom apologizes and says he understands it’s a lot to take in, so he tells Stephen to think on it until morning.

Bloom falls asleep near his wife, full of hope for the future.

Before dawn, Stephen leaves Bloom’s house with his ring and his wallet. He plans to spend his last money on a ticket to France.

Before we end, a few things about an ideal media format for this AU:

It’s an animated tv series, at least 3 seasons long.

The style and quality of animation varies drastically from episode to episode, sometimes suddenly changing in the middle of one. There are at least 9 studious working on this, the communication between them isn’t great.

It all takes place in one day, 16 June 1904, but the viewers can’t tell that for sure until the last episode. This revelation might frustrate them at first, but once they’ll look back, they realize it kind of makes sense, as there is hardly any change of weather or time of day during the vast majority of episodes.

Unfortunately, it will be very hard to look back at, as all the episodes are aired out of order.

The series is broadcasted in many countries, each of which has its own order of episodes. And none of them has a full translation. Actually, nobody can have a full translation, until the thing becomes public domain. Until then, there are only automatically generated and machine translated subtitles. And fansubs, I guess.

Not to mention it gets banned really quickly in a lot of places.

The fans lose their mind, trying to establish continuity. There are multiple theories and theme tables to make sense of it all. The meaning also can change drastically, depending on the order you watch it in, so there are full-blown fandom continuity wars. People go mad. People die. It feels like a fever dream.

But once it all put together?

Absolute masterpiece.

Thank you for reading. Sorry for any mistakes or awkward English.

Was this necessary? No. Will I stand by it? Well, yes I said yes I will Yes

#miraculous ladybug #ulysses #james joyce #Stephen Dedalus #the tales of ladybug and cat noir #miraculous au #Buck Mulligan #Leopold Bloom #Simon Dedalus #May Dedalus #miraculous holders #crack #?#i'm sorry #or am i really?

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master-sass-blast · 6 years ago

Text

Authority Issues

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

(AN: I’m not abandoning Strong as Stone. This was just my entertainment for the day.)

Long story short: I had a dream with Piotr Rasputin/Colossus in it last night. It was glorious. I might’ve kissed him.

Like I said. Glorious.

And thus, after kissing the dream Colossus, I woke up inspired to write some fanfiction loosely inspired by my dream.

So, essentially, welcome to my latest hyperfixation.

For the record, I haven’t seen the Deadpool movies. I haven’t read the X-Men Comics. I haven’t seen the X-Men movies.

Yes, you got that right, this is undoubtedly the crackiest fic you’ll ever read.

Or maybe not. I’ll let you be the judge.

So, loosely based in the Deadpool Movieverse/X-Men universe, I present you this: a self insert pic with Colossus.

You’re welcome.

Also, @colossus-and-cable, I blame you for suckering me into this hyperfixation! Because of your brilliant writing, I can’t get enough Colossus content!

Well, they say create the content you want to see.

Rating: M for kidnapping, mentions of abuse, sexual assault, sequences of terrifying action (nightmares), and stong language.

Pairing: Reader x Piotr Rasputin.

Alright, so, it wasn’t your fault. Technically.

Remember that ‘technically.’ It’ll come in handy later.

For context: you are the latest trainee/recruit/refugee at the Mutant Mansion a la Professor Xavier is really stinking rich to afford the utilities bills for this group.

You’d seen the X-Mansion briefly, two years ago, on a newscast that your mother had turned off as soon as she’d seen you watching it, then forced you up to your room to ‘pray for protection against the ungodly lures of the outside world.’

Ah, the joys of growing up in the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere --zero tolerance of the queers, people of color, and mutants.

You’d read about the X-mansion’s purpose --taking in and training mutants to control their powers--in a newspaper article a few months later --well after your parents had decided that TV was ‘too great a portal to temptation’ for someone of your ‘unnatural, hedonistic tendencies.’

You’d been shocked. You hadn’t known that there was an actual group out there that was willing to take in mutants, much less train them.

Your father had ripped the paper out of your hands a few moments later and tossed it into the burning fire, stating that the X-Men were nothing more than heathens upsetting the natural order of God’s holy creation.

Perhaps with some great amount of foresight, your parents had decided to lock you into your room that night. Not that it mattered; the lock on your bedroom door had always been easy to pick.

No one ever said that foresight and practical wisdom were the same things.

You’d packed a bag of everything that mattered --clothes, toiletries, a stuffed bear, your state ID--then crept downstairs and broken into the family safe. You’d taken all of your paperwork --birth certificate, social security card--and all the cash that your parents had kept in there, and left.

Looking back on it, you were incredibly lucky the universe had gifted you with the powers to control air and wind. Instead of having to plot out a route via bus and train routes --thus risking being caught by the authorities and shipped back home--you could simply fly to the X-Mansion, stopping to buy food and rest as needed. Within a couple days, you’d found the X-Mansion, dropped yourself on their doorstep, knocked, and asked if you could stay.

Which, apparently, they were used to, because they’d just said ‘sure’ and let you in.

Two years later and look at you now!

A --still, technically--trainee on account of your difficulty controlling your powers and hot, hot issues with authority, under the tutelage of the X-Men. Free room, personal bathroom, three hot meals a day, and the fastest WiFi the world has ever seen.

And, well... a boyfriend, too.

Piotr Rasputin, code name Colossus, with the real secret to his identity being that he was a massive marshmallow with a heart of gold. He’d wooed you in his own sweet, subtle way as he’d helped you adjust to your new life at Xavier’s, taking your poor impulse control and hot, hot issues with authority in his patient, gentle stride.

It had been a good two years. The best two years of your life.

Which wasn’t to say that everything was perfect...

Right, so this is where the ‘technically’ comes in. And, as with ninety percent of your ‘technically’s, Wade Wilson is along for the ride.

You and Wade get along like a house on fire --compatible in all the wrong ways and usually resulting in some sort of damage to persons and/or property.

Wade, also known as Deadpool, also known as the Merc’ with a Mouth, also known as ‘the Obnoxious Red Dildo,’ has widely known and accepted authority issues, zero impulse control, and a daddy kink a mile wide that he likes to remind everyone of at any given moment --which is all of them.

You, the formerly repressed and abused mutant who has had their first taste of freedom and are itching for more, are --unfortunately--all too willing to help Wade execute any sort of prank, joke, or hijink, because for fuck’s sake, people, live a little!!!

Cue today’s incident.

It had started with a bet. Wade had bet you that there was no way in hell you could use your powers just right to launch a lit firework into Scott Summer’s --aka Cyclops’s--room.

The man had given you kitchen duty for being fifteen minutes late to morning training. The loser had to buy the winner pizza. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up!

You're just about to light the firework when something lifts Wade off the ground and hefts him to the side. A large shadow falls over you, and you look up with a cheesy grin. “Hi, babe.”

Piotr stares down at you, arms across his chest. He’s in defense mode, which means he isn’t here on the friendliest of terms. “What are you doing, myshka?”

You look down at the firework in one hand, the lighter in the other, then up at Scott’s open window. “Uh...” You look back up at Piotr and give him the most convincing look you can muster. “Arts and crafts?”

He isn’t convinced. “Professor Xavier sensed your plan.”

Ah. Well. That would do it.

“Hey! Russia’s Greatest Love Machine!” Wade interrupts, madder than a hornet and a little more crooked than the human body usually looks. “Stop fucking throwing me everywhere, you giant metal dildo!”

“Wade, watch your language, please.”

“Suck a cock!”

“In my defense,” You interject before Piotr can go off on his usual spiel about rules and ‘appropriate language,’ “it was Wade’s idea.”

“Hey!”

Piotr is still unmoved. “You are capable of making your own choices, dorogoy. Wade did not force you.”

“He was going to buy me a pizza, Colossus! How do you expect me to refuse?”

“Hey, that was only if I lost!”

“Yeah, well, you were gonna lose!”

Piotr sighs, shakes his head, then extends a hand to help you off the ground. Even when he’s busting you for misbehavior, he still treats you with the utmost respect and courtesy. “Come. We need to talk to Professor.”

You sigh and trail after him. This is gonna suck.

It does, in fact, suck. Talking to Xavier --again--sucks like a vacuum cleaner gone prostitute that’s hellbent on sucking its client’s dick off.

The professor, as always, is patient with you in talking about rules and your struggles with following them.

Scott Summers, who must have a serious anal kink considering how far he has a pole wedged up is ass, is not. “I’ve just about had enough of your acting out! Either act your age or--”

“Or what?” You interrupt with a roll of your eyes. “You’ll kick me out?”

“No,” Professor Xavier interjects firmly before Scott can speak. “You will always have a safe place at the Institute, Y/N.”

Scott scoffs. “Safe for her and no one else.”

You narrow your eyes at Scott. “Says the guy who has to wear glorified sunglasses all the time or he’ll blow a hole through the wall. You look like a tool, by the way.”

“Your destructive tendencies are way out of hand!” Scott snaps.

“My destructive tendencies? Logan goes through four phones a month and cut your bike in half because you drank one of his beers! How come he always gets away with it?”

“We’re not talking about that right now!”

You sit back and your chair and nod, feigning amicability. “Ah, I see. You’re a misogynist.”

“Y/N--”

“No wonder Jean’s always looking at Logan the way she does. You must be a pain in the--”

Scott’s hand smacks down on Xavier’s desk, cutting you off. “Are you looking for extra kitchen duty? Because I’ll be happy to provide it for you.”

You refocus on Xavier. “Okay, I have an administrative question. Why’d you make the actual tyrant in charge of punishment duty?”

“I run a fair and understanding system!”

“You gave me three nights of kitchen duty after I was late for morning training! By fifteen minutes!” You look back at Colossus, who is standing post in the back of the room. “Does that seem fair to you?”

Piotr flounders. “Well... being on time is important...”

Your jaw drops. “You’re not honestly siding with him.”

“I think things have gotten out of hand,” Xavier says, reasserting control over the room. “And I think I need some time to speak with Mr. Summers about his ‘system.’”

Scott recoils. “What?”

You pump your fist in the air. “Ha! Suck it, dickhead!”

“In the meantime,” Xavier added with a stern, if somewhat amused look in your direction. “Mr. Rasputin, I’m discharging Y/N into your care. I’d like to keep her separated from Mr. Wilson until she and I have had a chance to talk about the root of her rebellion.”

Your mouth falls open at the Professor’s orders, and your shock only mounts as Piotr actually accepts. You’re so shocked that you let yourself be ushered out by the metal man himself --ever gentle and respectful of your space--into the hall and away from Xavier’s office.

It isn’t until you’re halfway down the hall that it hits.

Rage. Red hot and burning. Rage at being chastised by Scott, rage at Piotr’s refusal to defend you, rage at being unfairly separated from your best friend. You were an adult, for fuck’s sake! You could make your own decisions!

You storm ahead of Piotr, ignoring his concerned calls, and march to your room.

Like the exposition said: hot, hot issues with authority.

You manage to grab the essentials --bag, wallet, ID, phone--and make it halfway to the front door before he catches you.

Technically, he’s already waiting there for you, in his human form.

Well, that would explain how he beat you there and why you didn’t hear him.

Piotr looks up at you, expression patient if somewhat admonishing. “And where I are you going, dorogaya moya?”

“Out,” You say. No point in denying the obvious.

Piotr sighs and shakes his head. “I do not think that would be wise.”

You shrug. “Arguable. I just need some time to blow off some steam.”

Piotr presses his lips into a firm line. “Y/N.”

Uh-oh. You recognize that tone --the ‘we need to talk as serious adults about serious things in a serious manner.’

Right now, it’s just seriously annoying.

“This is fifth incident in as many weeks.”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, can the record please note that Wade and I have been trying to scale back our ‘escapades?’ The car blowing up was a complete accident, not that Scott cared --oh, by the way, thanks for sticking up for me back there.”

That one lands hard, you can tell by the way his shoulders tense. “This behavior is irresponsible.”

“What, exactly, is with the vendetta against having fun?”

“Throwing firework into someone’s room is dangerous, myshka. Someone could have been hurt.”

You roll your eyes again. “It was a smoke bomb, Piotr. Not a 4th of July finale piece! Remember was I said about ‘scaling back?’” You finish descending the stairs and reach for the door handle.

Piotr reaches out --not much of a reach, he’s still a giant in his human form--and places his hand against the door. “No, myshka. You stay here.”

You bristle as you glare up at him. “I don’t remember for asking for you permission.”

Piotr exhales through his nose, the first sign that he’s actually getting frustrated with you. “The Professor--”

“Is not my dad.”

“--has asked me to watch you.”

“Well, I mean, if you want to come with me, I wouldn’t mine.” You grin up at him. “It could be a date.”

“I have things to do here.”

“Of course. Well, in that case...” You yank at the door, but Piotr is unmovable. “Look, Piotr, I’m an adult. I can make my own choices.”

“My instructions are to look after you. I cannot do that if you are not here.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “And how are you going to keep me here? Lock me in my room like my parents did?”

The comparison hurts him, you can tell by the way his blue eyes flash, but it’s enough of a distraction to suit your purposes.

While he’s still reeling from your words, you rip the door open and dart onto the front lawn. You can hear Piotr pursuing you, shouting your name, but outrunning him is easy, even when he’s in his human form. You simply manipulate the air around you to propel you forward. Before he’s even taken three strides, you’re over the wall and out of sight.

You grin as your feet hit the ground outside the wall that borders the grounds of the mansion and run towards the city.

Freedom.

The first thing you do is find a diner and order a heaping plate of food. A massive, greasy cheeseburger with extra bacon, a small mountain of fries, fresh out of the fryer, and a thick, sugary chocolate milkshake that comes in a glass bigger than your head.

It tastes like heaven. Junk food is in rare supply at the mansion, what with Piotr’s obsession with proper nutrition. You love him for it, but you miss your guilty pleasures.

The next thing you do is find that arcade Wade took you to for your birthday. You still have the credit card he bought for you, and you spend the day switching from game to game as you please.

It’s early evening when you leave, and it occurs to you that Piotr is going to be absolutely --you’d use the word furious, but you’re not sure if that’s even genetically possible for him--upset with you when you get back to the mansion, so you stop by the chocolate shop he took you to on your first date and pick up some fudge for him. He rarely treats himself, but you know it’s a favorite.

As you start walking the path back to the mansion, you get the eerie sensation that you’re being watched. Maybe it’s just the unfamiliarity of the city after growing up in a small town, maybe it’s just being a woman in an unfamiliar place while the sun is setting, but--

You look behind you, trying to find anything out of the ordinary.

A man, wearing a black sweatshirt, quickly turns to look in one of the store fronts.

You watch him, anxiety churning in your stomach. You catch his eye, he nods, and starts walking in the opposite direction.

You sigh in relief, and resume your progress back to the mansion. False alarm.

A few blocks later, and that creeping sensation on the back of your neck is back with a vengeance. You turn around again, unable to shake the suspicion that was curling in your chest.

The man in the black sweatshirt was back, standing about twenty feet behind you.

You grit your teeth as you pick up your pace. You focus on trying to find a place where you can duck out of sight and use your powers to run back home, back to the safety of the X-mansion, back to Piotr’s waiting arms --because even when you’ve been an ass, he’ll still oblige you with buckets of affection.

You spot an alley ahead --not ideal, but out of sight enough that you should be able to levitate yourself to a roof top, then hide there until the guy goes away and fly home.

You glance over your shoulder to check the pace of the guy following you and nearly have a coronary.

He’s now five feet behind you.

How did he catch up that fast? You break off into a run, desperate to reach the alley before the guy reaches you.

A man steps out of the alley, grinning malevolently at you. “Going somewhere, doll?”

You barely have time to skitter to a stop before something hits you in the back of your head, knocking you to the ground.

Your last thought before you lose consciousness is how bizarrely empty the streets are.

“Hey there, doll. Open those pretty eyes for me.”

You come to in some sort of basement, dirty and littered with crumpled beer cans and other garbage. You’re tied to a chair, arms tied to the arms and legs to the legs, with another thick rope tying your waist to back of the chair. There’s a gag in your mouth and odd weight hanging around your neck.

The man that jumped out at you is sitting in a chair in front of you, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. “You’ve been difficult to track down. Lucky us, you decided to step outside your precious fortress for the day.”

You’d smirk at the man if you weren’t gagged. Apparently, for all their efforts to find you, they didn’t research your powers very well. You flick your fingers, ready to send the man flying across the room with a gust of wind.

Nothing happens.

You try again, then again, stomach sinking with dread as the man’s grin grows.

Nothing.

The man leans forward and taps at the weight on your neck, a soft metallic sound resulting from the press of his fingernails. “Suppression collar. No powers for you.”

Shit.

Left with nothing else, you try to yank yourself out of your restraints. You thrash and struggle to no avail --no amount of training was going to make you as strong as Piotr, even in his human form.

“They told me you were feisty. Apparently, you tried to run away from home several times before finding the X-Men.” The man leans forward, watching you with a lurid gaze as you struggle.

You growl at him through the gag. Just wait, motherfucker. I’ll get out of these ropes, and then I’m going to beat your ass stupid.

“Not gonna lie. It’s pretty hot.”

You try to flinch away as he reaches towards your face, but are ultimately subjected to the unpleasant sensation of his fingers caressing your cheek.

His touch is nothing like Piotr’s --it’s too rough, too forceful, and nowhere near loving enough.

“Now, we’re supposed to just take you back home--”

Your eyes widen at the mention of home --the small town you grew up in--and you start your struggle to free yourself anew.

“--but maybe we should have some fun first. After all, we’re not in any hurry.”

You stiffen and stare at him as your mind puts together what ‘fun’ might mean, then thrash around violently, almost knocking yourself over in the process.

The man reaches out and grabs the chair, forcing it back into its normal position. “Of course, I’d have to untie you for that, and I don’t want to risk you running away...” He turns to look at the other man --the one that had been wearing the hoodie. “Go get me the paralytics.”

You watch, horrified and on the verge of tears as the other man walks away and up the stairs, and let out a muffled scream.

“Oh, it’s alright,” the man said, leaning in to run his tongue over the shell of your ear. “You’ll be doing a lot of that later, and you’ll be loving it.”

You’re about to headbutt him, but are distracted by the sound of several heavy thuds on the floor above you.

You and the man look up in unison, both trying to discern the source of the noises.

Then, there were several brief bursts of gunfire, accompanied by several metallic pings.

Silence follows.

The man growls under his breath and pulls a gun out of his jacket. He points it at your head. “Don’t go anywhere.”

You watch him ascend the stairs, then start trying to work yourself free. In your efforts, you cant the chair sideways and fall on your side, back to the stairs. You wince at the impact --your arm’s going to be bruised as shit later.

You flinch at the sound of another gunshot.

Everything’s silent for a minute, and then there are footsteps on the stairs again.

You start crying, tears streaming down your cheeks, and you try anything to wiggle your way free.

Then, there are a pair of hands on your shoulders, pulling you up and turning you around, and--

Piotr kneels in front of you, resplendent even in his human form, smiling reassuringly. “It’s alright, moya lyubov’. I’ve got you.”

You draw in a sharp breath and moan at him through the gag.

“Hang on.” He pulls the gag out of your mouth --carefully, the man is always careful--and lifts it over your head.

A cry bubbles out your mouth, followed by a breathless apology. “Piotr-- I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry--”

His thumbs are already wiping the tears off your cheeks while his lips press sweet, gentle kisses along your hairline. “It’s okay, myshka, I’ve got you. You’re safe.” He leans back and flashes you a crooked grin. “Let’s get you out of here, da?”

You nod, already itching to be out of the chair and in his arms. “Da. Yes. Si. Now, please.”

He chuckles and pulls a knife off his belt. “I need you to hold very, very still, moya lyubov’. Can you do that for me?”

You nod again and focus on holding still while he works at the ropes holding you in place. “How did you find me?”

“Tracker on your phone. Men forgot to turn it off.”

You manage a weak, half-hearted giggle. “Idiots.”

He chuckles back, mostly because it’s clear that’s the response you wanted. “So, what did you get up to before all this happened?”

“Oh, you know.” You tip your head back to try and hold back the tears that are threatening to reappear. “Got a bite to eat, smashed Wade’s highscore in Pac-Man at the arcade.” You manage a wavery smile as you tip your head forward to look at him. “I stopped by that chocolate shop you took me to on our first date, got you some fudge.”

“That was very sweet of you, dorogoy.” He’s done with your legs and waist and already halfway through the ropes on your left arm.

Your laugh comes out less as amused and more as hysterical. “Yeah, well, I figured it’d pay to have a bribe.”

“Bribe?”

“To get back in your good graces after being an ass.”

He smiles at you, soft and sweet, as he tosses away the rope that had been holding your left arm in place. “You don’t have to earn my ‘good graces,’ Y/N. You’ll always have them.”

It’s serendipitous timing that he finishes freeing your right arm in that moment, because you want nothing more than to be in his arms after that comment. You launch yourself at him, winding your arms around his neck. You sob, the weight of what could’ve happened hitting you full force, and press your face against his chest.

Piotr is forced to temporarily abandon his knife, tossing it off to the side so he can wrap his arms around you. He’s massive, exceedingly so, and it’s easy for him to curl himself around your --much smaller--body. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Piotr! I shouldn’t have run off, and I shouldn’t have said those things, and--”

“It’s okay, dorogaya moya, it’s fine.” He presses his lips against your forehead. “Let’s get you out of here, then we talk. But first.” His hands turn to the solid steel you know so well, and he presses his fingers against the suppression collar. “Hold still.”

You keep yourself still as he tears the collar off of you, then let out a relieved breath, sending a gust of wind throughout the dusty basement.

“Much better,” Piotr murmurs as he rubs his hand up and down your back.

You press against him, trying to close every tiny gap between you and him. You’re shaking like a leaf in a gale, body trembling with adrenaline and relief. You let out a tiny squeak as he lifts you into his arms and wind your arms around his neck as he starts carrying you up the wooden stairs. “I half expected you to come down in full metal.”

“House is very old,” Piotr grunts as he navigates the rickety steps with ease. “I am surprised I did not fall through floor.” He pauses halfway up the steps to look at you. “You may want to close your eyes.”

You oblige him and lean your head against his shoulder. “A grisly scene, unfit for the eyes of a lady?”

A puff of laughter ghosts over your cheek. “There was struggle.”

You can’t resist the temptation to peek at the scene as he carries you through the house. You open your eyes and gasp at the sight of bodies crisscrossing the floor, riddled with bullet holes.

“I thought I told you to close eyes.”

“You should know by now I’m not good at listening.”

That finagles a chuckle out of him. “Stubborn girl.”

“Well, duh.” You peer at the bullet holes --some in the bodies, some in the walls--then check Piotr over for any sign of injury. “How’d you survive the shooting?”

“I came in defense mode. I was not sure stairs would hold me, so I changed.”

“They should’ve thought about the ricochet.”

“Da.”

The sun is almost done setting as he carries you outside to the awaiting jet.

You wince as your eyes adjust to the fading natural light, then blink as you realize you couldn’t have been captured for more than a few hours. “How did you know to come looking for me in the first place?”

“Professor Xavier got letter from intelligence operative. Said your parents had hired bounty hunters to find you and to keep you at X-Mansion until coast was clear.” He clears his throat and ducks his head, looking sheepish. “My... over-protective instincts got the better of me.”

You can’t help but tremble in his arms at the mention of your parents or the fact that they hired a fucking bounty hunter, good God. Your stomach churns as the memory of the hired man threatening to rape you and asking for paralytics, and you cling tighter to him. “Well, I’m glad they did.”

“So am I, moya lyubov’. So am I.” He carries you onto the jet and sets you on one of the seats. “Stay here. I will come back when we are in stable flight pattern.”

You try to stay in the seat as he starts the take off process, but you can’t help but stumble up to the cockpit after him.

“Yes, I found her.” Piotr looks up at you as you press yourself against his arm, and pauses to kiss your forehead. “She is alright, a little shaky.” He pauses again as he pilots the jet high enough to clear the top of the trees and surrounding buildings, then nods as the voice in the pilot’s headset speaks. “Da. We are on our way back now.” A few more exchanges between him and the voice in the headset, and then he’s setting the jet on autopilot and taking the headset off. He turns to face you, flashing you a crooked grin. “I thought I told you to wait.”

You try to reciprocate, you really do, but the past few hours as catching up with you. You lower lip starts trembling, and you slump against Piotr, crying quietly.

He wraps his arms around you and presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “Come on, dorogaya moya. Let’s get you checked out.” He carries you back into the main bay of the jet and --with a gentleness that completely belies his sheer size--deposits you on one of the seats. “How did they capture you?”

You lift your hand to the back of the head, wincing as your fingers brush against a small lump. “They hit me. Knocked me out.”

Piotr’s lips are set into a tense line as he pulls a flashlight out of his suit pocket. “Look at my nose, myshka.”

You stare straight ahead as he checks your pupil response to the light. “Piotr... I’m really sorry for being such an ass at the mansion.”

He chuckles. “It is alright, dorogoy. I need you to follow light with your eyes now.”

“And...” You add quietly as you track his light with your eyes. “...I’m sorry I compared you to my parents. That was... royally unfair of me.”

“It is okay, Y/N. I forgive you.” He clicks off the light and turns his attention to the nice, ugly bruise forming on your left forearm. “How did you get this?”

“I knocked myself over trying to escape.”

Piotr chuckles as he carefully prods the bruise. “That’s my girl. My fierce myshka.”

“Getting herself bruised,” you mutter with a wince. “That sounds about right.”

“Am I hurting you?”

“Well, it’s a bruise and you’re poking it. What do you think?”

“I am trying to ascertain if it is broken.”

You shake your head. “I’ve broken my arm before. It just feels like a bruise.”

He stops prodding at your forearm in favor of encapsulating your hands with his massive ones. “Did anything else happen? Anything you can remember?”

“No, I was out for most of it.”

“What happened when you came to?”

“I tried to use my powers to throw them across the room.”

Piotr snorts --actually snorts. “I suppose, for them, it was good thing they had collar. You would have kicked their asses otherwise.”

“Good for them, pain in the ass for me,” you mumble, annoyed. “He pointed out the collar, so I tried to yank my arms free.”

“I figured. You have rope burns on your wrists.”

You have to stop to force down the bile creeping up your throat before you can go on. “He said I was feisty. Said it was hot.”

Piotr’s hands tighten around yours. “Anything else?”

You start shaking again. “He said that he had to take me back home... but that he didn’t have to rush. He... asked for some paralytics... said he was going to make me scream.”

Piotr’s jaw clenches, and he pulls you into his arms, holding you tightly.

You giggle hysterically against his chest. “You came in the nick of time. He’d just sent the guy up for the paralytics when you crashed in.”

“Bozhe moi, I am grateful. I am grateful I found you when I did.”

“Me too.”

He presses his forehead against yours, taking deep, shaky breaths. “Was there anything else that happened, lyublyu?”

You frown. “Yeah. He touched my cheek and licked my ear.” You rub your cheek, then your ear. “God, that was gross.”

Piotr is quiet for a moment. Then, he lifts his hand to your cheek, rubbing his thumb against your soft, supple skin. “Like this?”

You lean into his touch, smiling weakly. “Yeah. Yours is better, though.”

“I would hope so.” He’s quiet for another moment, then leans forward.

A shiver runs down your spine as he presses a soft kiss against your ear. “Piotr,” you sigh.

He presses the side of his face against the side of yours. “Better?”

“Yeah.”

And, oddly enough, it is. It was as though Piotr’s touch erased the traces of the bounty hunter’s harassment. Sure, you could remember it happening, but you couldn’t quite remember how it felt. All you could feel was Piotr’s loving, tender touches and the affection he so willingly lavished upon you.

You turn your head towards him and press your lips against his.

He kisses you back for a moment the way he always does --with a tenderness that never fails to make you weak in the knees--and then pulls back. “I must apologize for my behavior earlier. I was too controlling. You are an adult, and I need to respect that.”

“Eh, I think I need to talk to Xavier about that one more than I do you.”

“Still, I am sorry--”

“I forgive you, Piotr. Stop beating yourself up.”

He ducks his head, smiling sheepishly. “Khorosho. I also want to apologize for not defending you in front of Scott. He was out of line.”

“It’s alright. I’m just glad to be with you right now.”

“As am I, myshka. As am I.”

After one of the resident medics gives you a thorough check over and a blood test to ensure you hadn’t been injected with anything while you were knocked out --at Piotr’s worried insistence, and you were too worn out to put up too much of a fight--you're given a clean bill of health and instructions to rest for a few days.

Piotr escorts you to the living space side of the mansion, his hand a warm and soothing presence on your shoulder.

The two of you are met by Professor Xavier and one very pissed off looking Scott Summers.

“It’s about time,” Scott snaps. “We have jobs to do, you know. We can’t just waste our time keeping up with your outbursts.”

You roll your eyes. “Geez, Scott, who rusted the pole up your ass?”

Before he can retort, Piotr steps in between the two of you. “Enough,” he says, voice deep and hard. “She has had long day. She needs rest.”

“Yes,” Professor Xavier agrees. “We’re glad to see you back safely, Y/N. Rest for now. We can resume our discussion when you feel more recovered.”

You nod and let Piotr escort you to your room.

“The medic cleared you for concussion, so you can sleep on your own tonight.”

You bite back a frown. You would rather stay with him --in general, yes, but especially tonight, given the circumstances. Dammit. Why couldn’t I have a concussion? “Okay.”

Piotr cups your face in his massive hands. “If you need anything, come wake me up. Time does not matter, okay?”

You nod, then roll up onto your toes to kiss him. When he tries to break away once, you grab onto his shirt and cling to him.

He humors you for a few moments longer before disentangling your hands from the material of his shirt. He kisses both of your hands. “Sleep well, myshka.”

You manage a smile for him, but it dissipates as soon as he turns away.

You’re not sure sleep will come easy tonight.

You’re not sure it’ll come at all.

The needle glints in the glaring overhead lights of the basement, sinister and clinical.

You wrench at your restraints, but you’re stuck, frozen in place.

The man in the hoodie holds you still while the man from the alley stabs the needle into your arm, slowly injecting you with its malevolent contents.

You try to fight, try to free yourself, but you can feel yourself quickly becoming sluggish. Your limbs are heavy, stiff from the dose of the paralytic.

You can only watch, frozen, as they cut your ropes away. Tears trickle down your cheeks, but you can’t so much as flick a finger.

You’re helpless. Completely at their mercy.

You’re laid out on the dirty stone floor without any decency or preamble.

The man from the alley laughs as he cuts your pants away from you, laughing at your tears and the sight of your shame. He leans towards you, close enough that you can smell the beer he drank while waiting for the paralytic. “You’re going to love this, doll.”

You stare at the ceiling, crying as you try to will your useless limbs to move --to fight.

You jerk upright, breathing hard.

You’re in your room, lonely and terrified in your bed. The darkness around you feels oppressive, like it’s choking you.

You try to calm yourself, to still the tremors in your hands. You use your powers to draw more air into your lungs, to try and quiet your nerves.

You can still smell the beer on his breath...

You can still feel your limbs going numb...

You bolt out of your bed and fling open the door --screw anyone who complains about the noise. You dart down the hall, skidding to a stop in front of Piotr’s bedroom door. You rap your knuckles at the door, trying to stay upright while your knees knock together. “Piotr! Piotr!”

A light flicks on his room, the glow creeping out from around the edges of the door. There’s the thud of footsteps --too light for him to be in defense mode--and the door swings open to reveal Piotr’s confused, sleepy face. “Zdravstvuyte? Hello?” You must look worse than you thought, because the exhaustion drains from his face in seconds. “Myshka, what is it?”

“I had a nightmare,” you whimper.

Piotr ushers you into his room, closes the door behind him, and kneels in front of you. “It’s okay. You’re safe. They can’t reach you here.”

You sniff and slump against him. “I dreamed that you didn’t get there in time, and that they injected me with the paralytics, and--”

Piotr wraps his arms around you and holds you against his chest. “Sh, lyublyu, it’s alright. You’re safe, I’m here.”

You wipe your eyes with the back of your arm. “Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

You hadn’t asked earlier to avoid making him feel awkward. Piotr was such a stickler for rules and ‘appropriate behavior,’ and you had no doubts that he would consider sleeping in the same bed --especially since your relationship was still fairly young--to be inappropriate, to say the least.

However, he doesn’t so much as hesitate when you ask. He simply presses a kiss to the top of your head and whispers, “Of course, dorogoy. All you had to do was ask.”

You wrap your arms around his neck and let him carry you to --and set you on--the bed.

There’s bit of shuffling as Piotr finds a pillow for you, and then he shuts his bedside lamp off and lays down next to you.

You wiggle across the bed until you’re pressed up against him.

Rather than mind the invasion of his space, he simply winds his arms around you, holding you against his large, muscular body. “I would’ve have offered earlier, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

You can’t help but smile at his sweetness. “Well, I would’ve asked earlier, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Politeness gets you nowhere.”

He huffs out a soft laugh and runs his fingers through your hair. “You don’t mean that.”

No. You really don’t.

Rather than admit defeat, you opt to trace your fingers over his chest. He’s wearing a loose t-shirt, exposing his collarbone and the tops of his pecs. His skin is warm and soft under your fingertips.

Something in the back of your mind registers satisfaction at the shuddering gasp you pull out of him when your fingers graze over his collarbone, but you’re too tired to let the thought manifest past that.

By all means, it’s really soothing. Piotr’s fingers playing with your hair, his comforting embrace and warmth, the way his skin feels under your fingers. It’s almost enough to lull you into sleep, save for one nagging thought--

You tilt your head back to peer up at him. Piotr’s face is near indiscernible in the dark, but you can make out the shadowy outline of his features and the soft glint of his eyes. “What happens if I have another nightmare?”

“I will wake you up and comfort you.”

That --the promise that you won’t be left to suffer alone--is enough to finish calming you down. You close your eyes, lay your head on his chest, and let yourself fall back asleep.

You wake up --but not in the place you fell asleep in.

You’re in your room --not the one at Xavier’s, but in your old room, back in the middle of nowhere.

You bolt out of bed and race to the door. You yank and pull on the handle, but it doesn’t budge.

You try the windows next. You rip the curtains away, only to find that you’ve been sealed in. The windows are boarded over; not even a trace sunlight peeks into your room --your cell.

You pound your fists against the walls, desperate to find a way out. “Help me! Please, help me!”

A bright light floods the room, seemingly from nowhere. Someone grabs your shoulders--

“Y/N!”

You jolt awake, mid-scream.

Piotr is holding you by your shoulders, expression pinched.

Oh. That’s right. You’re in Piotr’s room. Not at home.

The relief hits you like a brick to the chest, and you start crying.

“Oh, myshka, what happened?”

“I dreamed was back home, trapped in my room.”

His arms slid underneath you and lift you off the bed. “It’s alright, love. I’ve got you.”

You draw in shaky, uneven breaths as you press your forehead against his shoulder. “I know. I’m just happy that I’m here, instead of stuck back there.”

“So am I, lyublyu. So am I.”

You sit at one of the many window seats, staring out at the cool, rainy day. Normally, a view like this --gray skies and damp grass--would leave you in a foul mood. Today, however, you were simply grateful to be seeing it.

It was horrifying to think that if Piotr hadn’t started looking for you, or if you had left your phone at the mansion, or if the bounty hunters had turned it off, or --a thousand other things, who knows. Point stands, you would be on your way back to your parents, never to see Piotr or the other X-Men again.

Or, maybe you wouldn’t have been underway to see your parents by now. Maybe the bounty hunters would’ve kept you in the basement, torturing you however they pleased.

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t hear Piotr sneak up behind you. You shriek as he lifts you off the seat and spins you in a circle.

“ Zdravstvuyte, myshka.”

You can’t help but smile at him as he settles you into his arms, bridal style. He’s in defense mode, which makes things a little uncomfortable, but you don’t mind. “Hey, yourself. I didn’t heart you coming.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I was lost in thought.”

“Good thoughts, I hope?”

Your smile fades. “Not really, no. I was just thinking... what would’ve happened if I hadn’t had my phone on me...”

Piotr’s grip on you tightens. “Easy, dorogoy. There isn’t much to be gained by those thoughts.”

“I know. It’s just kind of horrifying.”

He kisses you gently, then carefully sets you on your feet. “You need distraction. Have you had lunch yet?”

“No.” You intertwine your fingers with his --a near impossible task when he’s in defense mode, but you manage. “But, I can think of a couple other things if you really want to distract me.”

He ducks his head and chuckles. “Perhaps another time, myshka. Skipping meals is not healthy.”

You smile and let him lead you out of the library and in the direction of the kitchen. “Of course. Heaven forbid we mess up our meals.”

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #x-men fanfiction #colossus x reader #piotr rasputin imagine #colossus imagine #self insert #welcome to my new hyperfixation #enjoy the stay #i certainly have been #colossus is the biggest marshmallow and no one can convince me otherwise #oops it got long #like 7k words long

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philiprolz · 7 years ago

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CHOOSE YOUR FRANCHISE By Philip Rolz Nov 7, 2017

I was lucky enough to go to a couple of Orlando Magic games back in the 90′s and 2000′s and fell in love. But living almost 2,000 miles away from the nearest NBA city made it hard for me to really root for a team, a city, a franchise. But like a drunken, low self esteem college girl with daddy issues I gave myself to the first one that wooed me... a Shaquille O’Neal and Penny Hardaway led expansion team in Florida. I’ve stuck with them ever since.

But it got me thinking, how do you choose a team? Are some teams more likely to be a fan favorite than others? What’s their fan-ability? Before I make my case I gotta tell you what I took into consideration making this list: how cool or uncool the city is, how good-looking their uniforms are, GM decisions over the years, iconic players, fan base, the culture of the organization, overall success or lack there of, team history. OK, here’s my list:

Atlanta Hawks

You can’t NOT love a place people refer to as “The dirty south”, I mean it sounds fun and rappers made it cool to root for Atlanta based teams (specially the Hawks and Falcons).

Dominique Wilkins and Spud Webb were the first real iconic players that put the Hawks on the map with their amazing athletic abilities. The rivalry with Jordan and the Bulls was real (both in real games and in dunk contests at All-Star Weekends) and people noticed them. They were fun to watch.

Ever since the “Dominique era” the franchise has been kind of a letdown though. Always underachieving and kinda disappearing in the clutch. 2014-2015 was a clear example of a roster that made a lot of noise but crapped their pants when it got real in the playoffs.

Currently they’re probably one on the top teams looking to tank this season to get a franchise defining rookie in this apparent “loaded” draft, so the Hawks aren’t really a team you root for this year but they have been fun to watch largely in part of high flying young players like John Collins and Taurean Prince.

Fan-ability: B-

Boston Celtics

The Celtics are one of the most successful franchises in sports. Their fan base is extremely loyal, somewhat violent and friggin’ loud. They might be responsible for starting the whole “superteams” trend some seem to hate, but when it comes down to it, it’s just good management and recruiting. Then there’s the legendary Celtic players from oldies Bill Russell and Larry Bird to not so oldies Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce. These guys are deified by the hardcore Boston fans and man have they come through with epic playoff performances and hard nosed triumphs. Nowadays they seem to expect a LOT from the young roster GM Danny Ainge put together majestically and guess what? They are they fun to watch. Kyrie Irving has the most insane handles in the league and I haven’t seen a small guard finish as efficiently in the paint since Tony Parker’s best days. The Celtics are also very similar to the Spurs when it comes to drafting well which is a big thing for fans looking for franchises to root for when there’s youth and potential. Will Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown be the NBA’s next studs? Will Markelle Fultz be a complete bust? (therefore making the Celtics even smarter) The Celtics are NBA Elite and that makes them either really loved or really hated. Fan-ability: B+

Brooklyn Nets

Brooklyn, New York. Home of everything cool in the world, right? Wrong! The Brooklyn Nets seem to be a forced fed team (notice the cheesy SI cover above) completely divorced with the whole swagger of this New York borough. Nobody wants to be associated with failure, and the Nets have been failures in so many ways during the last years it’s embarrassing. They basically gave away all their draft picks, they over-hyped a Deron Williams that was arguably one of the biggest free agent busts of all time. Their iconic players? Dr J? Jason Kidd? Kerry Kittles (just kidding)? Kinda feels weird picking guys who did play for the Nets, just not the Brooklyn Nets. I feel bad for them though, playing in one of the biggest markets in the country and not being known for enticing big name free agents, not even with Jay-Z helping them out for a little while. I’m pretty certain HOVA wanted out before the stink rubbed off on him. They haven’t drafted well, they’re not fun to watch, they’ve become synonymous with losing. The only good thing they have going for them is the fact that Brooklyn is a tourist destination and there’s a chance some tourist will buy a Nets ticket before a Knicks ticket.

Fan-ability: D+

Charlotte Hornets

Remember those big flashy Starter Jackets with the Charlotte Hornets logo plastered all over them? Those were the days! The Hornets used to be good and/or fun. An Alonzo Mourning team alongside Larry “Grandmama” Johnson, Muggsy Bogues and Steph Curry’s dad (who apparently could shoot very well, too) was a fun thing to watch.

Several years later it all went straight to hell with the Bobcats. Let’s face it, when you think of the Bobcats you think of a bunch of scrubs and Adam Morrison. Good God!

Now they’re back to being the Hornets, although, they’re still not that fun. They don’t have Zo they have Dwight Howard, one of the least likeable players out there. They don’t have LJ, they have Frank Kaminsky (crickets chirping). They don’t have Muggsy they have Kemba Walker... ok that’s better. And instead of Dell Curry they have a rookie who I’m really rooting for: Malik Monk.

They’re ok. They’re not super exciting but they have some star power. Hopefully this year the young guards can do some damage down the stretch and maybe be a sneaky team in the playoffs.

Fan-ability: B+

Chicago Bulls

You think Bulls, you think MJ, his Airness, the G.O.A.T.

For younger fans you think D.Rose being drafted by his hometown team and making them a force to be reckoned with in the East and dethroning the King with a 2010-2011 MVP award.

But it’s 2017 now. The face of the franchise is a blonde kid from Finland named Lauri Markkanen and the face of Nikola Mirotic was obliterated by fellow teammate Bobby Portis. Well maybe not obliterated, but I hear it was a heck of a knockout.

It really doesn’t matter how bad GM Gar Foreman and owner Jerry Reinsdorf have been, because what Michael Jordan did for the NBA he did for this NBA franchise as well. Fans crave for the second coming of Michael and until that day comes (I’m pretty sure it’ll never happen) the first thing you’ll think of when you see a red Bulls jersey is #23.

Fan-ability: A-

Cleveland Cavaliers

I’ve never been to Cleveland. I don’t think I’ll ever go there. Not really a bucket list destination. But I have to admit, LeBron James made Cleveland relevant since the day he was drafted by his hometown team. He was the chosen one entering the league and did not disappoint. He carried a really weak team to an NBA Finals versus a really strong San Antonio Spurs team (and lost). Took his talents to South Beach making everybody in the league feel sorry for the Cavs. As soon as he ditched Miami to go back to “The Land” they were legit once more. LBJ is no MJ however. Some people seem to dislike his demeanor, question his clutch gene and doubt his leadership. He is a little whiny sometimes. Yet no one has denied that LeBron is still the best player on the planet and has been for the better part of his career. I mean it feel like its been 30 straight NBA Finals for him. He’s great. He made Cleveland great. Even if he leaves this upcoming season, Cleveland should be forever grateful for everything King James has done. And because people enjoy experiencing greatness the Cavaliers are a fan favorite. (Me personally, not really a fan) Fan-ability: A

Dallas Mavericks

A lanky slow-ish blonde forward from Würzburg, Germany made the Dallas Mavericks NBA champions against, non other than, the chosen one (or as Skip Bayless likes to call him “the frozen one”). But aside from being lany, kinda slow and uh... blonde, Dirk Nowitzki is one of the top 20 greatest players of all time, one of my personal favorite players and proud owner of one of the sweetest fade away jumpers ever. 2010-2011 was the Mavericks championship season and man was it a well constructed team that no matter if you love or hate outspoken owner Mark Cuban, you gotta hand it to him. Combining veteran leaders like Jason Kidd and Jason Terry with defensive anchor Tyson Chandler and freaks of nature like Shawn Marion was the recipe for success under the brilliant mind of one of the most underrated coaches, Rick Carlisle. You felt glad they were champions. It wasn’t a “super team” but it was really really good and they were underdogs against a Miami team that promised not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, etc. championships. After the ‘chip they remained relevant until maybe last season. Dirk is rapidly aging and this really seems like it’s gonna be his last season. To be honest I’ve stopped watching Mavericks games because this is not the Dirk I want to remember. I do watch a lot of highlights though, mostly because of rookie Dennis Smith, Jr. Holy cow! That kid looks like he was made with the same stuff Russell Westbrook was made from. DSJr is another rookie I’m really rooting for, specially because he’s in great hands with old man Dirk to guide him and Rick Carlisle to coach him and get the best out of him. It’s a winning franchise in a hip warm weather city, with a wild celebrity owner, an iconic international player and champion, with a lot of young talent. Nuff said. Fan-ability: A-

Denver Nuggets

I think the Nuggets’ greatest moment in franchise history was the improbable win against the #1 seeded Sonics in 1994. Big whoop. There were other highlights in franchise history like drafing Melo (who later demanded a trade outta there). They did have Allen Iverson on their team, but then they traded him to Detroit because he wasn’t the 76ers Allen Iverson of old. And this is the part where I want to talk about Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf. He was a muslim player (duh!) and was unbelievably good. But he was a muslim. Many compare his game to Steph Curry’s. But he was a muslim. He had crazy handles, the highest basketball IQ and one sweet jumpshot. But he was a muslim, and he started the whole Colin Kaepernick thing where he protested during anthems. Oh boy. Can you imagine a guy named Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf protesting in front of thousands of proud americans back in the 90′s? Yeah, that was the end of that. It’s really sad to wonder how good he would’ve been. At least Ice Cube gave him a shot in the BIG3. Anyway, back to the Denver Nuggets franchise comprised of young exciting talent but not a clear cut superstar. Nikola Jokic is really entertaining but is enough to make the Nuggets relevant? Millsap just joined them, but let’s face it he’s a really good boring player. Garry Harris was supposed to have a breakout year and it’s still early but he’s been a little too quiet for my taste. Jamal Murray, Emmanuel Mudiay seem a long way from being relevant and Kenneth Faried hasn’t been traded after 1,864,227 times it’s been rumored. The biggest indicator the Nuggets are in trouble is the fact that their own fans don’t show up as they finished last in attendance last season. Yikes! Fan-ability: F

Detroit Pistons

Personally I can’t really talk about the Bad Boy Pistons from the 80′s because I didn’t really get into the NBA until a little later. But from what I’ve heard and read, I really dig it. An uber-defensive team that wasn’t scared of anything or anyone. Hard nosed defenders, clutch shooting, trash talking and an iconic coach kinda sound like... hey! The 2004 champion Pistons! The comparison just goes to show that a culture within a franchise can go a long way. The 2004 Pistons were tough, smart and had the winning mentality that I’m sure legendary coach Larry Brown implemented in the locker room. Big Ben was scary big even though he wasn’t as tall as your traditional center. ‘Sheed was a bad man with a sick jumper and a f*ck you attitude. Rip and Chauncey were the smart and offensively skilled guard combo. Okur, Tayshaun and McDyess played their roles just right. To this day I can’t believe they beat Kobe, Shaq and another “superteam”. The Pistons of 2017 however lack some of that old school attitude. It’s well coached (shout out to Stan Van G) but no very well managed (sorry Stan Van G). Drummond is a huge piece of human who can block shots, dunk over anyone and has kind of improved the free throw issues of the past. Reggie Jackson seems to be a conflictive dude lacking the leadership of a Chauncey Billups. Tobias Harris who’s good but would’ve been better in a different era. Today’s NBA doesn’t really work for a guy like him. It’s not a roster you can nip and tuck and turn into a legitimate force in the NBA, to me it feels like it’s either this group of guys to maybe get past the first round of the playoffs or blow it all up and tank away to get younger and better. Can we send Avery Bradley to the Celtics, please? Overall, it’s a city with a lot of heart and a franchise with a lot of history but right now who knows what they are? Fan-ability: B-

Golden State Warriors

My first memory of the Golden State Warriors is Chris Mullin’s hair and short shorts. Tim Hardaway’s crossovers. Latrell Sprewell’s angry two handed dunks (also angry head coach chokings) and an underachieving Chris Webber. But that’s all in the past. Even the good stuff like the Baron Davis and Stephen Jackson Warriors that made a lot of noise in the 2006 playoffs. That’s all irrelevant now because things changed in the bay area. Mark Jackson started coaching a young group of really promising guys and started a style of play that later Steve Kerr, who replaced him as head coach, perfected and made history. I don’t need to talk about how good Steph Curry is and how he revolutionized the game or how good of a shooter/defender/heat check guy Klay is. Or how Draymond is the new villain and best defender in the NBA or how Durant made this team virtually invincible... because everybody knows it. The only thing that worried me was if I would ever get bored of this team; short answer: NO. Again, people like greatness and the bar set by these basketball juggernauts is so high it’s become ridiculous. People call them “bandwagon fans” but it’s really just a matter of wanting to feel part of something as special as this group of future hall of famers... that and they’re totally bandwagon fans. Bandwagon fan-bility: A+

Houston Rockets

Probably not gonna be on the same page as a lot of people here but I’ve always found Rockets players kind of douchey. Maybe not the championship Rockets Olajuwon, Drexler, Horry or Cassell. More like Steve Francis, the worst version of Dwight Howard, and now James Harden AND Chris Paul. Yes, I said it. James Harden is a douchebag. He gets a lot of points, has become an elite point guard but his game isn’t really that exciting... and he’s a whiny flopper.

They have a lot of history and a bunch of iconic players but ever since the championship years in the mid 90′s we haven’t gotten a dominant conference shifting team. Today’s roster is a poor man’s Golden State Warriors and they’ll eventually find out (the hard way) that in a 7 game series you won’t outshoot or outscore the Dubs. OK, I’ve really bashed the Rockets here, but don’t get me wrong I have to give credit where credit is due: James Harden is an MVP caliber player and Chris Paul is the point God but nobody likes ‘em. Fan-ability: C

Indiana Pacers

Back in the day the Pacers of Reggie Miller, Mark Jackson, Rik Smits, Derrick McKey and Antonio & Dale Davis were for real. They had shooting, rebounding, star power, coaching ...they had it all! It’s a shame that Michael Jordan and the Kobe/Shaq combo never let Reggie and the Pacers win a championship. A decade later the Pacers found themselves with a very strong group of talented players that made LeBron and the Heatles a little nervous. Paul George the emerging superstar along Lance Stephenson, Roy Hibbert and company were battling LeBron down to the last second but eventually falling short. Paul George broke his leg got better and basically told everyone in Indiana to go screw themselves because he would leave them for his hometown Lakers. Now he’s in OKC as a rental and Indiana has highly motivated Victor Oladipo (fan favorite in Indiana) Arvydas Sabonis’ son and what’s left of Lance Stephenson. They should be tanking this year but they’re not in large part because of phenom Myles Turner and a rejuvenated Thad Young. So, what are they? Good? Mediocre? Bad? At this point, we don’t really know. It’s a small market team with no real superstar anymore and a lot of young talent that could either shine or implode. Fan-ability: D

L.A. Clippers

CP3 leaving means the Clippers are now terrible, right? Nope. Point Blake is for real, DeAndre looks like he’s having fun again and all the role players seem engaged. Oh! And this guy with the scruffy beard is their 30 year old rookie point guard who’s soooo fun to watch. What about the history of the franchise? Well, it’s no pretty. The Clippers were synonymous with failure for a long time. They were terrible at attracting free agents, terrible at drafting (i.e. Michael Olowakandi) until they put together what would become Lob City. It was fun but not very successful. Los Angeles is sexy and cool but you don’t really think Clippers, you think Lakers, even when the Clippers have clearly been the better basketball team for the last 3 or 4 years now. With the Lakers making a comeback it’s becoming more obvious that the the Clippers should just move north and become the beloved Seattle Sonics. Fan-ability: C+

L.A. Lakers

Showtime is back in L.A.! Not particularly because of their style of play but because of all the buzz the young players have caused and the circus surrounding Lonzo Ball, who in his first month playing in the NBA looks... different from what Lavar promised. It’s okay, nobody really expected Lonzo to be better than LeBron, Steph and God in his first games. The bottom line is Lonzo not bad and could become really good! Ingram is looking pretty good (just needs an extra 50 lbs) and I’m predicting he could become a Greek Freak type of superstar. But enough about the Baby Lakers, who we know are gonna be alright eventually, let’s talk about the incredibly successful franchise throughout the years. Ugh! Can’t believe I just said something nice about the Lakers. Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Magic Johnson, Shaquille O’Neal and of course Kobe Bryant are one of the biggest names in the history of the league and they’re all Lakers (shout out to Nick Van Exel, one of my favorite players ever). I was blessed to witness the early 2000′s reign of Shaq and Kobe (even though I kept thinking what would’ve happened if Shaq stayed in Orlando) and their epic battles with the Spurs. Let’s face it, the Lakers are the Yankees of basketball. People love the city of Los Angeles and they root for what the Lakers were and what they could eventually become once again. Fan-ability: A+

Memphis Grizzlies

They’ve come a long way from those Vancouver days when their best player was Bryant “Big Country” Reeves. They established a culture of hard work reminiscent of the city they play for. They created “Grit and Grind” and should be very proud of it. The history of the franchise is a little iffy since they were really bad for a really long time (normal for an expansion team in small markets). Marc Gasol, Mike Conley, Tony Allen and Z-Bo put the league on notice and transformed a joke of a franchise to a legitimate contender. The roster has been almost completely revamped but Gasol and Conley are keeping the “Grit and Grind” very much alive. For how long? Only time will tell (hopefully as long as possible). Fan-ability: C+

Miami Heat

Fun fact: Did you know the Miami Heat won a championship without LeBron James? Yup! Here’s another one for you: Did you know the Miami Heat and the New York Knicks hated each other and had a bunch of epic playoff battles back in the 90′s and early 2000′s? Hell yeah! My point is Miami has had a lot history before the LeBron and Heatles “superteam” nonsense. Pat Riley is largely responsible for all of it. And this post LeBron phase hasn’t been as terrible as you’d expect because this well oiled machine of a franchise keeps drafting, signing and getting all the right pieces to be contenders in a very weak Eastern Conference. They’re still a couple of moves away from being the top dogs so don’t be surprised if they make some moves during this season or once the season is over. The city of Miami is fun and sexy and so are the Heat fans. As long as Pat Riley is there they’re gonna be relevant and in the conversation. Fan-ability: B+

New Orleans Pelicans

As Tony Montana famously once said: “Manny, look at the pelican fly. Come on, pelican!” refering to some flamingos he was watching on TV. I kind of feel that way when I’m watching these guys play... I think I’m watching two of the best big men in the game along with some decent role players but I’m really just watching a franchise with no idea of what they’ll do when they inevitably lose both their big men (AD & Boogie) and return to being bad (worse). My second thing about this franchise: how are we supposed to root for a team called the Pelicans?! Wait... their arena is called the “Smoothie King Center”? OK, I’m done.

Weird to not root for a team that has 2 of the top 15 players in the league. Fan-ability: F

New York Knicks

New York IS basketball. When you walk around this magnificent city you breathe basketball. Some of the best street ballers are New Yorkers. Yet, the Knicks haven’t been as great as Knicks fan expect them to be (not in the last 3 or 4 seasons anyway). Owner James Dolan is not exactly a fan favorite, Phil Jackson left without accomplishing what he was hired to accomplish, Charles Oakley has been banned from MSG (yes, the former Knicks legend) and the Melo-drama of last year(s) was quite frankly very annoying. So yeah, it’s been pretty brutal. It’s seems like a very long time because their last championship was in 1973 but there have been some really interesting, talented and semi-successful Knicks teams since Bernard King’s epic finals performance. One of the most sought after rookies landed in MSG and had a really good career (Patrick Ewing) and the aforementioned Charles Oakley along with John Starks, Anthony Mason and Doug Christie among others were talented, feisty, tough and relentless enough to reach the finals against a really loaded Rockets team. Then there’s Van Gundy’s squad with Ewing, Allan Houston, Latrell Sprewell, Larry Johnson and Marcus Camby who played the role of the underdog from day 1 until they reached the finals which they once again lost, this time against a dynastic Spurs. As of today the Knicks, minus Carmelo Anthony, have been quite surprising and own of the most precious assets in basketball: a unicorn. Kristaps Porzingis has won the heart of every single Knicks fan because of the dog in him, something very important to a city that values hard work. His stellar numbers and the potential of becoming a very unique type of player (hence the nickname “unicorn”) might be that x-factor that brings the championship back to the mecca. All they have to do is be patient, avoid the drama (hard to do with the New York media) and draft well... let’s hope Frankie Smokes is the perfect compliment to KP’s amazing talent. Oh, and please pray to the basketball gods... no injuries, please! Fan-ability: A-

Oklahoma City Thunder

You know what helps building a fan base when your not the coolest city in the world? Superstars! Oklahoma City has had some of the biggest names in the NBA play for them: Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, James Harden and Serge Ibaka. More unbelievable? They played together! Just goes to show what a great GM (Sam Presti) and great scouts will do to a franchise. Even with all these amazing atheletes on their team they really never got to win it all. KD and Russ were an unbelievable duo but many wondered if they didn’t really compliment eachother... maybe KD needed more of a playmaker, maybe Russ needed more of a role player and shine on his own. Well KD left to join the ridiculously talented Dubs (and won the title) and Russ won the MVP averaging a triple double. Now they have even more star power adding hoodie Melo and Paul George to the mix and hoping this trio will knock down the reign of the all mighty Warriors (highly unlikely). Superstars aside, OKC really has had an uphill battle developing a fan base in such a small market and have done so beautifully. Fan-ability: B+

Orlando Magic

Whoa! This is hard for me. I’m probably gonna bash the franchise I first loved (and still do for some strange reason). My best memories as a kid are in Orlando when me and my whole family went to Disney World, Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, so I’m a little bias. Imagine a kid from Guatemala city going to a basketball game in a jam packed arena where Shaquille O’Neal and Penny Hardaway put on a show. Done deal! I’m a Magic fan for life. Orlando somehow managed to lose Shaq by lowballing him in an almost offensive way comparing him to other players in the league and criticizing his rebounding and defense in an attempt to “negotiate” a deal that wouldn’t mean breaking the bank for Shaq. But guess what? For Shaq, you DO break the bank and by not doing so they broke the heart of every Orlando Magic fan. So Shaq left and it took a long time to recover. 13 years later Dwight Howard somehow managed to go to an NBA Finals with a very weird and well coached Magic team that seemed content to just get there, and let’s face it, didn’t really have a shot against the Lakers. Then, Rob Hennigan happened. Bad draft picks, horrible free agent signings and head scratching trades were the norm under this guy. Even though he’s still no longer with the team the stench of his horrible decisions still linger over the very bizarre roster today’s Magic have assembled. Granted the beginning of this season has been a very pleasant surprise many people feel it’s just a phase in which a lot of “bad teams” started hot and will eventually fall back down to earth. I’m just trying to believe they might snatch the East’s 8th spot and finally be back in the playoff picture, but... why? Shouldn’t they just tank and hope to get ANOTHER draft pick? Who knows? All I know is Aaron Gordon is finally playing some decent basketball and I have really high expectations from rookie Jonathan Isaac and might eventually become a steal in the draft. Fan-ability: D

Philadelphia 76ers

Oh God! The Process. The day they win a championship I’ll tolerate the Process. I feel awful for the Philly fans that had to endure such a long run of shameless, utter failure while being the laughing stock of the whole league. Having the commissioner actually getting involved in the team’s plan to continue sucking has got to be embarrassing. But 76ers fans have shown they always trusted the process and are now celebrating as if Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons are the next best thing since sliced bread, but I have to remind every Sixer fan once in a while that they drafted Michael Carter-Williams and traded him for nothing, Nerlens Noel and traded him for nothing and Jahlil Okafor, who’ll be traded for nothing... so let’s not get too excited just yet. We still have to find out what Markelle Fultz becomes. The level of incompetence they endured for so long actually made us all root for them making them the most lovable underdog in history and thus captivating a new fan base of people rooting for the eternal losers to finally get a break. They used to be good though. Real good. Mostly because they had Allen Iverson, the best pound for pound player ever. Those A.I. teams were surrounded by a bunch of scrubs, role players and stiffs that watched “The Answer” in awe as he dismantled every opponent they faced. The team had a superstar and a lot of heart that would eventually take the finals against another almost invincible Lakers team, that for a second, crapped their pants when Allen Iverson tore them apart in Game 1. Eventually L.A. won 4 straight and the series was over. Philadelphia was praised for valiantly battling a star studded team with a minuscule scorer along with a bunch of unknowns (so yeah, they’ve always been the lovable underdogs). In a very “Rocky” way, Philadelphia always seems to be forced against the ropes and fighting back the best way they can. Fan-ability: B

Phoenix Suns

It’s hard to imagine a time where the Phoenix Suns were a great Western Conference team. They were. My first memories of good Suns teams was the Barkley, KJ and Majerle led team. Then there’s the Nash-Stoudemire era where the battles against their Western Conference nemesis were pretty epic. It’s seems like its been forever since the glory days for the Suns. They had a nice little run not long ago with a trio of guards that are really good (Eric Bledsoe, Goran Dragic and Isaiah Thomas) but seemed like they handled it very poorly only ending the very brief run with some questionable GM decisions. Overall the Suns are franchise that hasn’t really clicked and found a clear path to becoming a fun team to watch. The Suns are very young and do have a great-to-be shooting guard in Devin Booker, but they’re probably 4 years from being competitive again and some young players like Bender, Marquese Chriss and Josh Jackson have to prove their worth in the next upcoming seasons. Trading Bledsoe seems like it could be a fresh start and open up some very important playing time for the younger talent. So brace yourselves, it’s not gonna be pretty. Fan-ability: C-

Portland Trailblazers

Hispters rejoice! There’s no doubt that rooting for the Blazers is the cool thing to do since nobody really trusts their backcourt defense, bench or bother to give Dame Dolla (a.k.a. Damien Lillard) an All-Star nod. CJ McCollum and Damien Lillard think they’re the best backcourt in the NBA and it’s a legitimate claim since they score at will against any and every defender. When it comes to clutch shooting... you know it’s Dame Time! I personally find the Blazers a really fun team to watch and when you think about it, it’s been the case for a very long time. Awesome Blazer players throughout the years: Clifford Robinson (headband included), Jerome Kersey, Rod Strickland, Arvydas Sabonis, Rasheed Wallace, Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge are just some of the names that made this cool-ass city much much cooler. They’ve been relevant but haven’t really won a championship but at least they’ve been to one. Even if they’ve lost more than they’ve won they are definitly a cool team. Fan-ability: B+

Sacramento Kings

Before owner Vivek Ranadivé thought Nik Stauskas was the next best thing, before they drafted every single big while having arguably the best center in the league in Boogie Cousins and confusing everybody with every single poor decision the Kings were exciting.

Can it be argued that Jason “White Chocolate” Williams was the most entertaining point guard of the last 25 years? I certainly think so. He put the Kings on the map along with a very productive Chris Webber, the shooter extraordinaire of Peja Stojakovic and a bunch of really good role players. They kind of underachieved but looking back on that team, they might have been a little too young and flashy. The only time they made the NBA Finals was unfortunately in the movie “How to lose a guy in 10 days”. They lost those fake finals to the Knicks, how about that?

They might be making a comeback, though. The fun team they used to be could once again excite us basketball fans with rookie phenom De'Aaron Fox, second year shooting guard Buddy Hield, big man Willy Cauley-Stein and the rest of the young core. After all the DeMarcus Cousins drama they dealt with I sincerely hope they find their way with this young squad and make the Kings games a must watch. Fan-ability: C

San Antonio Spurs

You know how some organizations are so good they become kind of annoying and after a while they stop being annoying again because you’re in awe of how well they do everything? That’s the San Antonio Spurs.

Only the Spurs can reach the playoffs a record setting 20 consecutive years (also the longest active playoff streak in any major North American sports league as of 2017) and keep drafting really good under the radar rookies, who eventually turn out to be really good. You can’t talk about the Spurs without talking about Tim Duncan or Gregg Popovich, and even though there have been a lot of other amazing Spurs players (David Robinson, Manu, Tony Parker, Sean Elliott, now Kawhi, etc.) it’s Pop and Timmy’s dynasty. And is it just me or was Gregg Popovich really unlikable back when we didn’t really know him? He seemed like a real a**hole but now people want him to be the next President.

They are an iconic dynasty that will be a trademark of greatness for years and years to come. Watching Timmy retire was hard, I can’t imagine what’ll be like when Pop calls it quits.

Fan-ability: A+

Toronto Raptors

All Star Weekends aren’t really important. I was always a fan of these long, flashy, ceremonious events, but not really. It’s like it’s supposed to happen and it’s kinda like the mid-season awards in a way but it’s definitely not a big deal. In the year 2000 (shout out to Conan) though, it mattered, mainly because of the Canada’s basketball ambassador unbelievable display of amazingness and athletic dunk display that became, and still is, the single best dunk contest in the history basketball. Vince Carter was “Air Canada” but eventually it became a messy divorce with the franchise and once again became a sub par team. Nowadays they a decent top 3 team in the Leastern Conference, but I don’t expect them to go further than the second round of the playoffs, even though Masai Ujiri managed to assemble a nice roster that inlcudes the Big Medium 3 of: Lowry, DeRozan and Ibaka. The Raptors have always been ok and cool to root for (they are the only non U.S. team in the league, and that might be a plus) and the list of iconic players is actually pretty decent: Vince, T-Mac, Damon “Mighty Mouse” Stoudamire, Marcus Camby and Skip to my Lou (Rafer Alston). The most notable Raptors fan nowadays is Toronto’s rapper Drake (see also: Nav Bhatia) which really boosts popularity for the franchise, even when we know LeBron will have his way with the Raps come playoff time. Fan-ability: B+

Utah Jazz

Ok, first things first... let me just say that the biggest oxymoron is this franchise’s name. Has there ever been actual jazz played in the Mormon state? (shout out to Trey Parker and Matt Stone for the hilarious “Book of Mormon” musical) Now that I got that out of the way, let’s go ahead and analyze the franchise. They’ve been a really well coached team for the most part (Jerry Sloan and now Quin Snyder) and even when they’re lacking star power they seem to be that team you don’t want to face. They’re really good at drafting and developing young talent and that translates into really feisty hard working potential all-stars... that eventually leave via free agency, probably because Utah isn’t the sexiest place in the world. Deron Williams was on his way of becoming the best point guard in the league and almost overnight became an expendable bench player. Gordon Hayward was the big white hope but opted to join forces with his former Butler head coach in Boston and got injured 5 minutes into his Celtic debut... wait is this a “Leave Utah curse” theory? Nah. Hayward will be alright... I hope. The 90′s and 2000′s were different though, Utah was a star studded franchise always representing the west come playoff time mainly because of the one the best duos of all time: Karl Malone and John Stockton. Although they never got to win the championship they’ll always be remembered as a legit force in the league. As for now, let’s just hope Rudy Gobert keeps developing into the best dang Center in the league... he certainly has the potential. Rodney Hood (awesome name by the way) needs to become an offensive force and most importantly be consistent. Dante Exum sadly, hasn’t really lived up to the hype and I believe has reached his ceiling. They are what all Jazz teams are, gritty and tough. Fan-ability: C+

Washington Wizards

DC’s team is and has always been a conundrum. Wizards teams have been pretty good on paper but none of them, including a Michael Jordan led team, could really make them relevant (granted MJ was getting pretty old and wasn’t in the best shape). It seems the current team is the best the franchise has had in a long time, yet they’re not close to being a Conference favorite. Do the Wizards have big names? Yup, John Wall is in the prime of a stellar career. Bradley Beal has proven he can stay healthy and stay productive. Otto Porter got paid All-Star money and should become one for this team to really go further. Are they well coached? Debatable, but I believe Scott Brooks is a huge improvement over several of the last coaches in Washington. Now the big question is can they actually dethrone Cleveland? The other big question is whether this roster is built for the future like Boston is. Sadly, my answer for both these questions is no. They had their share of bad draft picks (Kwame Brown most notably), players gone bad (Gilbert Arenas, Juwan Howard) iconic players that never really transcended or carried the franchise (MJ, Chris Webber), but the bottom line is they’re a cool franchise to root for (used to be cooler when they were the “Bullets”) in a cool city. Hopefully one day they’ll become a legitimate championship contending team. Maybe if they figure out how to get Boogie Cousins that’ll happend sooner rather than later. Fan-ability: B-

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knownothingpodcast-blog · 8 years ago

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Overcoming Resistance - Ep.06 Companion Blog

This past episode, my mom and I discussed Steven Pressfield's book The War of Art. As part of our discussion about overcoming resistance in our own lives, we decided that we would put some of Mr. Pressfield's ideas into action in our own lives and create something that we had been trying to create for years. For my mom, this was beginning to write a novel. I challenged myself to record a song. Here are the results of our past week of battling against resistance.

I am so proud of my mom for writing this. I love the way it paints a picture and I love how in just a few words she is able to develop very real characters. As for my own project, I faced a lot of resistance including a lot of technical issues. My microphone dropped and broke and the tracks I had recorded became corrupted and couldn't be salvaged. Still I was determined not to let resistance beat me so here is a more paired down, raw off the floor take of the song. There are not parts, not backing vocals, no bass licks, no organ rips and it has many warts but I didn't let resistance beat me.

"Nobody knew I was finished. Nobody cared. But I knew. I felt like a dragon I had been fight all of my life had just dropped dead at my feet and gasped out its last sulfuric breath." -- The War of Art - Steven Pressfield

If you haven't checked out or last episode, you should. It was a great chat with some eye opening ideas about how we create. The link is here. Also, if you have been creating something or facing your own resistance we'd love to hear from you. You can leave a comment below, tweet us @knownothingpod or visit our Facebook page. Now, the first chapter from my mom's novel and my cover of Saturday Night by The Misfits.

Grasshopper Summer

Chapter 1

Callie lay on the warm ground, a cushion of wild rye stalks beneath her like a bed. All around her she could see nothing but the same golden-green stalks, making walls nearly four feet tall that swayed and bent in the breeze. She loved being out in the field, in her own homemade fort. It was secret and safe and a good place to listen. She could hear the sweeping sound the wind made as it teased and tagged the weeds around her, and she could hear the sound of a screen door opening and closing, maybe the one at her own house, maybe the one on the other side of the field.

Suddenly the whirring of wings made her sit up and look around anxiously. She knew that sound, too. Grasshopper. She was afraid of grasshoppers, the way they gathered in groups on the sidewalk, and jumped around like popcorn in a frying pan, all willy-nilly. And dangerous, for they sometimes jumped on her face, and once -- so gross! -- in her mouth. She didn't like the feel of their prickly feet on her arms and legs, the too-large eyes in their triangle-shaped faces, the sound they made when she accidentally stepped on them and squished them. Though they had been everywhere every summer of her 11 years, she had never yet made peace with them.

Cautiously, Callie lay back down, but as she looked up, bouncing on a stem right above her face was a big, brown grasshopper, his hind legs bent so very bug-like above his back and his antenna twitching. He didn't seem to be in a hurry to move on. In fact, he looked like he was enjoying himself, the wind making his chosen perch into a sort of bug amusement park ride, up and down, up and down. The thought made Callie smile. What about ant bumper cars and worm waterslides? Wait, potato bug roller coasters! She laid there grinning at the grasshopper, feeling some kind of a strange kinship with him. She'd actually never really stopped to watch any grasshopper this closely before, and she found probably didn't mind him, as long as he was not touching her. Maybe, she thought, she wasn't actually bothered by one lonely grasshopper. Maybe it was the crowds of grasshoppers that were so unnerving. Almost fondly she said, "What are you doing there? You are so weird."

"What are you doing there? You are so weird." For a second Callie wondered whether grasshoppers could mimic, like a parrot. She blinked and squinted up into the sky at the face of her nearly 13-year-old sister. "I have been looking for you everywhere. Mother wants to speak to you." Callie scrambled to her feet and hastily brushed the dirt and bits of weeds off her jeans. She ran to catch up with Lynette who was already nearly at the driveway. "Am I in trouble? Lynette, am I in trouble? What did I do?" Then she stopped dead in her tracks, "Why are you calling Mama 'Mother'? Lynette, wait up."

Lynette sighed and stopped. She turned and stared at Callie with an expression on her face very much like the one Callie used when canned spinach was being served for dinner. "Who you were talking to out there in that dirty old field? And why are you always laying around in the weeds? Honestly, you really are so weird." Lynette gasped, and put her hands on her hips, "Wait, you were talking to that grasshopper, weren't you? Oh, Callie, grow up." And she turned on her heel and walked quickly over the driveway and into the house, banging the screen door behind her.

Callie followed more slowly. If she was in trouble, there was no point in hurrying, and Lynette still hadn't answered her question about why Mama was suddenly Mother, and twice in the space of a couple of minutes she had called Callie "weird." Wasn't it just a few weeks ago they had both been out in the dirty old field, sitting the wild rye and flying a kite? She was pretty sure Lynette had never called her weird before either. She had definitely called her stupid and a baby, just as Callie had called Lynette bossy and dumb, but weird was a new one. Was she weird? She'd never thought she was, but so many things were not making much sense today. After all, she had actually been talking to a grasshopper.

Callie let the screen door slam behind her, too, and then was immediately sorry. Slamming the screen door was definitely not something Mama approved of, and if she was already in trouble, she had just poked a hornet's nest. But nobody said anything, and Mama wasn't even in the kitchen, although she usually was at this time of day, getting things ready for dinner and Daddy's arrival home from work. She poked her head cautiously around the corner and peered into the hallway and Jack's bedroom, which was right there, just at the end of the hallway. Jack was on his bed, curled up in a tight ball, his face pale and sweaty. Mama was there, too, and Lynette, and they were both looking at Jack and paying absolutely no attention to her. "Mama?" Callie breathed in almost a whisper.

"Oh there you are, Callie," Mama said, looking over her shoulder. "It's okay. I just wanted to tell you I'm going to run Jack up to the clinic in Lawton. He's been having a bit of a tummy ache since last night, and it just doesn't seem to be going away. Daddy will be home soon, and you can help Lynnette get dinner ready, can't you? Just hamburgers and pork and beans, something easy. We'll be home before you know it with some medicine to make Jack feel all better, and maybe some ice cream for dessert," and Mama brushed Jack's hair out of his eyes, then blinked fast and looked out the window at the field and the mountains behind it.

"Sure, Mama, we can do that," Callie said, feeling a little bit relieved and yet oddly anxious at the same time. Jack did look sick, but, shoot, they'd all had stomach aches or earaches at one time or another, and the doctor had always fixed them right up. Jack sat up, and Mama helped him with his shoes and socks, and Callie tried, as she always did, to lighten the mood by telling Jack about her ideas for bug rides. He smiled at her, but she could tell his heart wasn't really in it. "Maybe when you get home later, Jack, or tomorrow, after your medicine starts working, we can go outside and see if we can build some rides and catch some bugs to ride on them." Callie didn't like catching bugs, but she knew Jack was a big fan. What 8-year-old boy wasn't? That made him grin. "Okay, let's see if we can catch a bee." Jack's latest project was catching a bee. He wanted to put a little collar and leash on one and fly him around like a pet. He'd been trying all summer, but so far every bee had either died because he held them too tightly or had flown away, buzzing in anger.

"Don't worry about us, Mother," Lynette said importantly. "I'll be in charge, and Callie can help me. She knows how to open cans at least." Callie rolled her eyes. She knew how to do a lot more than use a can opener, and there was that "Mother" word again. Geez, what was the problem with Lynette today? But she knew Mama was worried, and Jack was obviously in pain, so she didn't make a big deal out of it. She tried most of the time not to make a big deal out of things. She didn't like it when things were out of sorts, people fighting or worried or upset or, well, weird. She wondered again, was she weird? And then put it out of her mind because Jack was shuffling to the door, and Mama was right behind him, grabbing her purse, looking for her keys, and biting her lip.

They all walked out onto the porch, although Callie was not quite sure why. It seemed important, somehow, that she watch her mother and brother get in the station wagon and back out of the driveway. She watched Jack get gingerly into the passenger seat, then lean back against the headrest, his eyes wide and scared, face nearly grey with pain. Mama started the car and started to back away. "Wait, wait," Callie nearly screamed, and she ran down the driveway. Mama rolled down her window, "What now, Callie? We're in a hurry." Callie wasn't sure why she had run after them or what she wanted to say now that she stood at her mother's open window. She glanced back and forth between her mother and Jack. "See ya," she said to Jack, and then gave him a thumb's up. Quietly, but still with the same Jack voice, the voice that always seemed to be smiling, he replied, "Wouldn't wanna be ya," and gave her a thumb's down. Mama smiled, a tiny, tired smile, and said, "Okay, enough of your shenanigans. We have to get to Lawton before that clinic closes." Callie waited in the driveway until the car reached the road and turned south to Lawton. Then she stood there for quite a while longer, watching the dust settle as Mama and Jack drove away.

#blog #War #art #Resistance #Song #Cover #Novel #Create #Steven #Pressfield #Misfits #Satuday #Night

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showdepremiosclub · 5 years ago

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Household Experiences on the Salmon River Rafting

Toil as well as water mix on a raft trip; A Salmon River run deals something for the entire family, with berry selecting, campfire singing, cave checking out, even pedicures.

By John Muncie

When the cool, deep shaft of the abandoned copper mine ended in a wall surface of rock, overview Mike Thurbert resorted to the team and said, "Shut off your flashlights."

We had to do with 100 lawns right into an Idaho hill. The lights went off as instructed as well as, in a moment of solemnity, 19-year-old Thurbert silently asked us to contemplate the sensation of utter darkness. For that split second, each of us was an island, alone in the black tunnel.

Then someone made a creepy ooooo-ing audio as well as, to screeches of giggling, all the flashlights clicked back on, the majority of them beaming up under chins, transforming faces into grotesque Halloween masks.

Solemnity remains in brief supply on a river rafting journey filled with kids.

If you're questioning what a stroll in a copper mine involves river rafting, you'll possibly question the very same about blackberry selecting, speeding down sand dunes, Wiffle-ball and also toenail sprucing up.

Our white-water rafting trip on the Lower Salmon River had as much to do with old-fashioned family members enjoyable as it performed with running rapids. It was the warm as well as unclear points-- singing around the campfire, eating meals with each other, developing video games, informing poor jokes, debating big issues with know-it-all teenagers-- we bore in mind long after the white-water thrills faded.

My partner, Jody, and I chose this specific adventure for family reasons. Good friends of ours, the Fullers, had actually looked into the journey-- 4 days, three nights on the Salmon as well as Serpent rivers starting in Idaho with the Outside Adventure River Specialists, or OARS, rafting company-- and asked whether we intended to join them. John Richer teaches scientific research to our 14-year-old kid, Sam, and also Richer's son, Woody, is a chum of Sam's.

Our journey began on a Monday, when we took a bus from Lewiston to the Pine Bar put-in point on the Salmon, 62 miles upstream from our eventual location, Heller Bar. We pushed out into the river around 11 a.m. Our little flotilla contained three rubber boatings, 3 wooden dories, a big paddle boating as well as 3 inflatable kayaks.

Barry Dow, 57, a 30-year expert of the Salmon, Snake and also Colorado rivers, was our journey leader, yet the remainder of the seven- person staff seemed remarkably young. Actually, 3 of them remained in their teens. When we questioned them regarding their backgrounds, we discovered that rafting seems to be in their genetics.

" My mom was pregnant with me when she was on the river," stated Thurbert, whose papa was a river guide. Thurbert, who made his very first ex-utero rafting trip when he was 3, piloted the guest- powered paddle boating on this journey. His directions were both counterproductive-- "Always lean into the wave, constantly favor the rock!"-- and also uncomplicated-- "Listen to what I claim and also, when doubtful, paddle."

Eric Shedd, 19, had a similar story. His moms and dads were river overviews and fulfilled on a rafting trip. "My mommy claims I was less than a years of age when I was first on the river."

The prize for the toughest river ties mosted likely to Zak Sears, 18, who made his initial river journey when he was 6 months old. Sears pointed downriver and also stated his daddy was at the next campground guiding another rafting trip. Then he pointed the various other method, smiled and also stated, "My sis's 250 miles upstream and my brother's concerning 150 miles."

Tossed into the drink

The initial 3 days of our trip got on the Salmon, a 425-mile river that starts in the mountains of central Idaho as well as finishes at the convergence of the Snake River near the Oregon-Washington boundary. The Salmon is the lengthiest free-flowing river left in the Lower 48. For rafting purposes it's separated into the Middle Fork (the upper component), the Key and also the Lower Salmon.

Each has its beauties and its advocates. Depending on water levels, our component, the Lower Salmon, typically has less and much less hard rapids. We dealt with just a couple that count as Course III. (Course IV and V rapids are scarier and much more unsafe; Class VI is taken into consideration unrunnable for a business journey.).

The absence of huge white water may make the Lower Salmon a little tame for thrill-seekers, however it was excellent for our band of youngsters and their moms and dads that intended to obtain them familiarized with river rafting without the threats of big water.

" This is nothing," said expert rafter Jim Eisch, 40, of Tampa florida, Fla. Eisch brought his daughter Kelsey, 8, boy Jimmy, 11, and daddy, Ted, 69. "However I didn't want to make them so scared they really did not wish to do it once again.".

If we could have fast-forwarded a trip tape to the last day, it would certainly have revealed Jimmy grinning widely after his 3rd back flip off a raft and stating, "I don't wish to go house. Following time I'm taking place a 17-day trip!".

With children as young as 8 on the trip, threat was on every family members's mind. Before we put in, the overviews offered us numerous safety and security talks, describing what we were to do if we overdid in a quick-- or "went swimming," as they say in river parlance.

There was a great deal of information to absorb, entailing, to name a few things, head-patting signals, toss ropes, flip lines and also the "La-Z- Young boy" float setting. All of it washed out of our heads when, independently, Jody and I were thrown from our kayaks at the Class III Bunghole rapid on the 2nd day.

Disoriented after getting toppled in the opaque wash cycle of Bunghole, we promptly bobbed to the surface. In much less than a minute we were within understanding of a boating or dory, and also in less than three, we were back aboard our kayaks paddling.

The important points, it ends up, were not just treatments but additionally the vigilance and also unflappable nature of our crew as we obtained tossed too far and also forgot all our lessons. That as well as the bright orange life vests we always used.

The blow up kayaks-- like beach boatings with sides-- offered one of the most heart-pounding flight. It's just you as well as a little bit of plastic careering via the rapids. When the waves of white water huddle and assault, the secret is to paddle hard. "No lily dipping," overview Marci Whittman told us before we set off the first day. "No tea-and- crumpet handling.".

Two days later on Sam wiped out at the start of one of the most technical (river-speak for unsafe) of the rapids, Eye of the Needle, sending him swimming through the spinning water.

At the bottom of the rapid, he gladly climbed up back in his kayak. The guides were impressed. His mother was tense. Sam had a blast. "That was fantastic," he stated.

Yet the very best ride, as far as we were worried, was in the dories. Even Sam and 15-year-old Adam Mowery agreed. "The dories were outstanding," Adam stated.

Since the wooden boats are inflexible, they don't flex to the waves, making the highs much higher and the declines like a tiny roller rollercoaster. And for the best flight of all, the overviews allow us ride the bow. That suggests covering your legs around the prow, getting hold of onto a rope as well as riding the watercraft a like throwing bronco.

Comply with the sun.

Aside from the occasional white water, river days were comforting stretches of lazy rocking and recreation, framed by stunning landscapes of golden hills and also deep chasms. At the beginning, journey leader Dow had recommended we leave our watches behind. The sun became our clock, and also the plaintive note Dow blew on his conch covering our phone call to dishes.

We would pack up as well as press off after breakfast each early morning, after that invest two or 3 hrs on the river, occasionally dropping crazy for a swim to cool down. We would stop at a sandbar for lunch and more swimming or games, then go back to the river for a few more hrs.

We usually pulled up around 4 or 5 in the afternoon, which left a lot of time for onshore activities. The very first day established the tone. A number of papas tried their luck fishing while the rest of the grownups sought remedy for the 95-degree-plus heat as well as the kids horsed around at the water's edge. Later, someone began a Wiffle-ball video game. When wind blew the ball into the river, 13-year-old Amy Richer shouted, "Seventh-inning stretch!" as well as everyone delved into the trendy water.

Eventually, large clouds steamed up, bringing color as well as relief, thunder and also a couple of declines of rain. By early morning it was clear and dry.

The opening night, prior to we came down to the business of family members enjoyable, Dow talked about the threats of onshore life. It was rather tame things-- poison ivy, hornets, the rare brownish monk and also black widow spiders, as well as the rarer rattlesnakes. "This is important," Dow said solemnly. "Don't damage the animals. This is their home. We're visitors." Several of the moms and dads wished the guides' respect for the river and its locals would certainly abrade on their children.

" My youngsters are city youngsters," said Susan Mowery, the Indiana mommy of Adam and his sisters, Anna, 12, and also Abbi, 10. "I want to show them there's more to life than Disney Globe.".

Overview Matty Wilson, 28, aglow in the orange campfire light, took out a guitar and also, with fellow guides Sears and Thurbert, sang people as well as pop songs, some so old that even the parents identified them.

Soon the fire went out, leaving a soft night breeze, the audio of guitars, a big moon attempting to beam via the clouds and a group of pleased parents watching their children do something besides playing video games.

That was simply among lots of special shore-leave minutes. At that camping area, much of us had our toe nails repainted. Whittman, an art educator in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, when she's not a guide, established a salon in her raft. At the backside was a studio where the ladies and also a few of the more youthful young boys repainted rocks and also made sand art. In the center, she repainted toenails.

Having scientific research educator John Richer along on the river journey was an added reward. For Fuller, truths are fun, and also it had not been long after our departure that he obtained journey leader Dow to speak about the river and also its flow. At the time, it was running at a mild 7,000 cubic feet per second, or CFS, yet throughout floods, it ran greater than 100,000 CFS. Dow pointed out driftwood trees high up on the banks and also claimed, "Imagine the river that high. It's like a wild pet.".

Richer's favored minute on the trip, medically at least, came at a blackberry spot just listed below the mouth of the copper mine. He viewed amazed as one overview threw a berry 50 feet right into the mouth of another guide. And also it gave him an idea for a science laboratory, including the physics of throwing grapes (in the absence of blackberries).

There was no need to educate the physics of enjoyable; the kids on the trip were experts. By the second day, progressively certain in their brand-new environments, they were embarking on the plethoras right into the water to cool off. By the third day, they were swimming down a Course III rapid. Water splashing battles routinely burst out.

On Thursday afternoon as we came close to Heller Bar, our location, nobody wanted the trip to end. That night overviews and clients fulfilled for a farewell supper at a dining establishment near Lewiston, although two family members needed to change their travel plans to make it.

During salutes and also endorsements, Dow increased and promoted the overviews, claiming, "We wish the river spoke to you and offered you an unique present, since it does to us.".

As we left the dining establishment, family members were exchanging e-mail addresses and Whittman was painting minority staying blank finger nails left on the little girls.

Months before, when the Fullers had pitched the family rafting suggestion, Woody, with adolescent ridicule, called it "the stupid trip." Later, he had a new name for his rafting journey down the Lower Salmon River.

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