#hoping to start making meta posts like this more often… it’s difficult for me to put my thoughts like this into words though

[saraanzu]

bsd speculation: what’s up with this girl in bram’s flashback from 107.5, and what can we learn about her from dracula?

(prefacing this with some rambling… actual analysis starts after the readmore)

107.5 came out the same day as the s5 trailer and it was right after an exciting mersault chapter which is the vastly more popular pov and it was a whopping 9 pages - it was bound to be disliked. I won’t pretend a 9-page chapter isn’t disappointing (no idea why recent chapters have been so short - I hope they get a bit longer again when s5 is done airing?) and I think it’s fine to prefer the mersault storyline but I’ve also seen some god-awful takes about this chapter.

aya and bram aren’t side characters! they have been core to bsd’s plot ever since their introductions (in aya’s case, her re-introduction) and you can dislike them all you want but it’s objectively incorrect to claim they aren’t important to the story.

I also don’t agree with the take that 107.5 didn’t further the plot at all - obviously not a lot can happen in, again, 9 pages (that’s 1/3 the length of 107!) but aya deciding to remove bram’s sword and him actually encouraging her to do it even when he doesn’t believe it’s possible and previously told her not to is a huge turning point in the story! 107.5 certainly isn’t a favorite of mine but I will say we’ve had (slightly) longer chapters in recent months that had more exposition and setup with less plot.

I’ve seen some people worry that, because bram pictures someone who looks like aya in what’s presumably a wedding dress, bram and aya’s relationship is going in a creepy direction. I want to make it clear that no matter who this flashback girl is, even if she’s bram’s dead lover and/or aya in a previous life, I highly highly doubt that anything weird is going to happen between bram and aya. their relationship hasn’t been set up like that at all, in fact bram has parallels with aya’s father and he explicitly sees her as a child (more on that later) (look. bsd is not above using some Weird Tropes. in particular, the tanizakis and mori come to mind (and in mori’s case, it doesn’t even really function as a reference to the irl author - vitas sexualis has nothing to do with pedophillia!) but it’s important to mention that, while I wish those tropes weren’t in bsd at all because they’re unnecessary and add nothing of value to the characters, they are ultimately gags and nothing more. they don’t really set a precedent for how weird asagiri is willing to get when it comes to legitimately serious plot points.)

okay! got it all out of my system here’s the actual post

part 1: the dress

personally, when I first read 107.5, I didn’t think this girl was in a wedding dress. my initial assumption was “this must be bram’s daughter, she’s wearing some sort of tiara and bram was a nobleman”. but looking at it again, it does resemble one, and we should consider how bram’s backstory might reference dracula.

“the brides of dracula” are three seductive vampire ladies who live in count dracula’s castle and attempt to feed on jonathan harker early on in the book before being stopped by dracula, who chastises them for trying to eat harker and feeds them a human baby instead.

while they are known as dracula’s brides in pop culture and are often portrayed as such in movie adaptations, they go unnamed in the original novel and their relation to dracula is unclear. from what we see of them they refer to each other as “sisters”, although perhaps not in the literal sense. two of them have dark hair and are described as having similar facial features to dracula while the third is blonde, which may imply the third is dracula’s wife and the other two are his daughters. I imagine they’re pretty vague and mysterious on purpose, they could be dracula’s wives/sisters/daughters, or even just some vampire ladies crashing at his house.

however, I don’t think we should disregard details exclusive to adaptations of dracula and only focus on the original book when thinking about bsd. film adaptations of the book are actually more influential on dracula’s perception in pop-culture than the book itself, so it’s not unlikely that asagiri would reference elements that appeared in adaptations but not the novel.

so, because of “the brides of dracula”, I think it’s quite possible this girl is indeed a bride. she does look a bit young for it, but I’ve seen others say they think she looks older than aya, so I guess that’s subjective (and people would get married younger in bram’s time I suppose).

that doesn’t mean she has to be bram’s bride - again, the “brides” in the original novel have no explicit relation to dracula and could easily be his daughters or sisters, and I really do think her being his daughter instead makes more sense thematically.

part 2: her relation to bram

I believe bram subtly parallels aya’s father in a few ways. aya’s dad is verbally and physically abusive, and he berates aya for not being good at traditionally feminine activities. he doesn’t see her for what she is, a child, and instead expects her to be a perfect traditional woman.

right before we see this flashback, bram is surprised by aya’s age, and comments that she is “too young to even use a spinning wheel” (also a traditionally feminine activity). both of them question aya’s desire/ability to be an ally of justice but for different reasons: aya’s father finds it unladylike while bram finds it too big a task for a little girl (he is also sleepy)

I didn’t understand the point of this scene’s inclusion before, but in retrospect I think it serves as foreshadowing for bram’s flashback and demonstrates how he and aya’s father both associate aya with dead people, but this causes them to treat her differently.

aya will never live up to her father’s expectations because she can’t compete with his idealized memories of the dead. her own accomplishments are irrelevant in his eyes because she isn’t enough like the wife and daughter he lost. I suspect his grief is part of the reason he’s so horrible to her in the first place.

it’s the opposite case with bram. in his eyes aya does compare to someone who he remembers fondly, and the end of 107.5 implies that’s the very reason he’s okay with aya pulling the sword out.

I don’t necessarily see bram as a father figure to aya (to me he’s more of a weird creature who’s sort of grown fond of her after being unwillingly dragged around… but hey, who says that can’t be a dad?) but I do think it’s possible that this mystery girl was bram’s daughter in the past because of how he parallels aya’s father.

(note: she has normal human ears rather than pointy ones, but bram was turned into a vampire by his ability and wasn’t bitten or born as one, so I don’t know if he’d necessarily pass down his vampirism to his children. he also may have developed his ability after becoming a father, or his daughter could even be adopted).

part 3: her relation to aya

the most common idea I’ve seen to explain the resemblance between these two is that aya is a reincarnation of this flashback girl. introducing reincarnation out of nowhere seems a bit random even for bsd, but surprisingly this theory does have some basis.

in the movie bram stoker’s dracula (1992), the character mina harker, jonathan’s fiancé, is a reincarnation of dracula’s long-dead lover, elisabeta. dracula recognizes her as a reincarnation due to their resemblance and mina agrees to assist him, still harboring feelings and memories from her past life. it’s fairly common for dracula adaptations to portray dracula and/or mina as having romantic feelings for each other, but this isn’t really the case in the novel, and elisabeta is entirely an invention of this particular movie.

so, aya being a reincarnation of a girl bram once knew could work as a reference to this. I did say previously that I think it’s possible asagiri will reference adaptations of dracula and not just the novel, but I’m not so sure he would make something specific to one particular adaptation a major part of bram’s backstory.

personally, I’m partial to the idea that aya’s ability will be introduced soon, and her resemblance to this flashback girl may have something to do with it. (the ability idea and reincarnation idea aren’t inherently contradictory, aya’s ability could very well be reincarnation)

this theory by @jo-dieeee suggests that aya’s ability is called mirror, due to the discussion of mirrors in 107.5 and the book above.

mirror: the fiction and essays of koda aya isn’t actually a book written by irl koda, nor is it just a collection of her stories. it was written by ann sherif and discusses koda’s life and works, including some translations of her short stories in the second part. however, the existence of this book and aya emphasizing mirrors in 107.5 is quite an interesting coincidence! whether or not it’s called mirror, I’m fairly confident an ability reveal is coming up.

it’s also worth bringing up that aya’s resemblance to this mystery firl might not have a supernatural explanation at all. it could easily be an artistic choice simply made to indicate that bram is reminiscing about someone who aya reminds him of. I’m not too into the reincarnation idea myself.

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

Count me aasm interested in your thoughts about Lily!

okay so.

everything we know about Lily from canon circles around her friendship with Snape. which is why, the moment it is taken from her (which so often happens in marauders fics where Snape is villanised to the point he cant even talk to Lily bc thats not allowed), she becomes a flat one-dimensional character whose only purpose is to be James' love interest, get knocked up at 19 and sacrifice herself for Harry.

if you want to dive even deeper into this, there are two posts I suggest reading. One is this about perception of privilege when you come from a background where you're the majority and suddenly you're a minority (Lily); and the other is longer but super important: two up, two down about class in the UK and the kind of poverty Snape grew up in.

Lily, like many muggle borns, and just like Harry, grows up feelings isolated - she is different, she is a freak, she is a weirdo, and we don't know about her parents, but her sister is always there to remind her of that.

She grows up thinking there is something wrong with her.

Severus is the first person she meets who tells her that the things she's been called a freak for her entire life are actually a gift, that she's special. This is where the bond is created, this is crucial to understand why it's so hard for her to give up on him later.

Severus for Lily represents her first hope - that maybe there is nothing wrong with her, maybe it's a gift and not a curse.

Lily, for Severus, also represents hope in return - she is his escape from his otherwise miserable life in a house with abusive, incapable parents and the kind of poverty where they can't even afford proper clothes for him.

They both come from rural, lower-class English midlands, they are both conscious of class. Lily sees him grow up in an abusive household, she sees him grow up in a house which is barely inhabitable with how poor it is (see referenced meta above, "two up, two down").

Then they go to Hogwarts, and they are instantly separated. While Lily is put in Gryffindor, where she gets the help and support she needs, Severus is put in Slytherin, with pure blooded sons of Death Eaters, people like Malfoy, Rosier, Mulciber, Black, and this is where his fate is decided.

For Lily, she is looking forward to it, to a place where she will finally belong! and INSTEAD she arrives to a place where she is a freak once more - her music, food, clothes are all different. they are calling her a mudblood, she does not even know what it is. she is being attacked by people around her in the middle of a war she did not even know existed, for something she never had to pay one second of attention to.

So there is this battle in her - on one hand she holds contempt to the muggle world for treating her like a freak, on the other hand the wizarding world is no better.

She sees Severus being put into Slytherin, a lower-class, half-blooded kid with a muggle father in a house of people like Malfoy and Rosier, whose rings and shoes cost more than the Snapes' entire house. She tries to help him, she wants to help him, but she isn't enough - his environment, and his desire to fit in, are stronger.

Meanwhile, there is also James - the epitome of everything she can't stand. He is rich, pure-blooded, careless, loud, confident; he does not understand a thing about the kind of background people like her and Severus come from.

Through all of it, there is also Petunia, who only grows more jealous with every year. Every summer at home is harder for Lily because of her. At this point, she has no home.

At Hogwarts, she's a stranger for being muggle born. At home, she's a stranger for being a witch. Severus, her only escape between the two, starts hanging out with people who are the same ones making her life difficult at school.

All the while, she feels some sense of loyalty to him and a desire to save him in the most Gryffindor way possible, while everybody around her keeps telling her that it's a lost cause, until it eventually blows up in her face.

She loses, and it hurts.

I could go on but this is already too long... These are the basics, the pillars of her personality, the battle of two worlds and the one in between them. How she does not belong anywhere, how she watches people get ruined from aside and she's helpless to do anything to help.

I really really would have loved to see the kind of person she would become, and the kind of things she would do, based on all of this, if she did not die so young.

[amysubmits]

“Just Knowing” & Communication

I got an ask recently asking if I could write something about how doms seem to sometimes “instinctively know” things about their sub, and how communication plays into that. 

I thought it was a great point, and I had an experience that I’d been wanting to share in some way, that I thought would work well within that concept. Anyway, here goes...

I have shared experiences where CD reads my needs seamlessly. Those moments can feel almost magical and that makes me want to share them. I have occasionally heard from people who seem to think CD is nearly capable of reading my mind, as a result of posts like that. It’s not my intention to give that impression. 

There are occasional moments where I am shocked at how he knows things I didn’t say. I’ve also shared that sometimes those moments where he perfectly meets my needs are often the moments where I feel the most owned. That’s because him knowing and meeting my needs feels so intensely intimate, and so much of our D/s comes down to emotional intimacy.

He isn’t a mind reader, though. We have been together over a decade now, and he’s observant. I think that deserves a big mention, when discussing how he ‘just knows’ things about me. He notices my body language, and how I react to things. He learns a lot about me by simply paying close attention. This is really important to me. Him naturally watching me, noticing my mood and such, is a big way that he makes me feel loved. I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t naturally drawn to try to learn me, and pay close attention to me. Just him being someone who pays attention is a huge part of how I feel loved. It shows me that he wants to know as much as he can about me, and that he wants to meet my needs. More than that, his desire to want to learn my needs period, matters. There are some people who just don’t wish to get that deep with their partner, they don’t care to know their partner like the back of their had. That would be a problem, for me, because I do want that level of intimacy. Part of how I knew that CD had that desire for deeper intimacy, was how he tried to learn what he could by observing me. 

At the same time, being mindful of your loved one’s body language, facial expressions and behaviors only goes so far. You can’t observe your way into knowing exactly what someone wants or needs. You just can’t. Certain things just have to be explicitly stated. While a good portion of our emotional intimacy comes from paying close attention to each other, more of it comes from our communication.

The truth is, there have been times where I’ve been frustrated that CD didn’t catch something. I’ve occasionally had the emotional reaction of almost feeling neglected because he didn’t notice something about me. And that? Is not a healthy reaction for me to have. That reaction is something I have to try to be conscious of, and I can’t allow myself to run away with those feelings. I have to recognize them and fight back against them. Because I can’t expect him to read my mind, or to pick up on everything, to ‘just know’ everything, or anything, really. If he isn’t aware of something, it is my responsibility to communicate. 

We were new to D/s in particular, we talked about our needs and wants all the time, often daily. Getting started with D/s requires really thorough communication so that you know the boundaries and limits of the dynamic, and so that you know what is expected of each of you. Even though we tried to hammer out our dynamic in advance, we found ourselves experiencing scenarios that we weren’t sure how they ‘should’ be handled with our D/s, because we couldn’t pre-plan our D/s for how to go about every possible scenario that life may throw at us. So whenever we experienced something new and didn’t know how to handle it, we’d have to discuss how we wanted to handle it. Or in there cases we’d handle a situation and then realize we wished it had been handled differently, and we’d discuss that and plan to do differently next time. 

After a while (many months?) it got to where we had the basics down and we didn’t need to talk about things as often anymore. We didn’t have to discuss it multiple times a week anymore, but perhaps a couple times a month was sufficient. Still, the frequency ebbs and flows. We go through phases, even now, 6 years in, of discussing our D/s more or less often. It mainly depends on whether we’re facing new things in life or making changes to our rules or the rest of our dynamic, or whether life is normal and our dynamic is unchanged. If we make changes, that means we’ll communicate about our D/s more often for a while, usually. Tons of what we know about each other and our needs are things we’ve learned through all that communication. Way more than we’ve learned by just observing each other. 

Our “meta-talks” (discussions about our D/s) are perhaps one of the areas that I don’t give enough attention to on this blog. They’re often very private feeling, so it’s hard to feel comfortable sharing much about them. 

A couple of months ago after a meta-talk, we came to the conclusion that it would be helpful for us to focus on making sure I feel very seen. It wasn’t that I had stopped feeling seen...but more that our current life circumstances were making me need to feel more seen than usual. Anyway, CD had me make him a list of things that made me feel seen, to share with him.

The things I shared on that list were all things he had done “naturally” before. So it was more about sharing with him what things he does that make me feel particularly seen. Still, I did over-think it, a little bit. I wondered if it would feel different for him to do these things for me after I shared them with him, rather than doing them purely instinctually, like he had in the past. Would it feel less genuine? Would I be able to absorb it and really effectively feel see if I suspected he was doing this for the purpose of making me feel seen? 

Early on, I did feel a bit bashful or self-conscious when I noticed him doing those things a little bit more often. I felt a bit insecure like “Oh, he just thinks he has to do that because I need to feel more seen.” and for some reason that cheapened it a little in my mind, and also made me feel a bit selfish or something. Worrying about being a burden on people is a deep seeded insecurity of mine that comes in up all sorts of ways. So it’s not surprising that my brain tried to twist this into ‘he just feels obligated to’. Even early on when I was feeling those insecurities, I was feeling seen, at the same time.  As more time went on though, those insecurities softened and I was able to recognize that these things were feeling fulfilling to him, too, which further eased my insecurities. 

This is just one example of how our direct communication has benefitted our D/s. When this type of thing occurs over the course of many years, I hope you can imagine how that can assist with creating those “he just knows” moments. 

I think a lot of good relationships have similar experiences with hesitating to share exactly what you want from your partner. The love is there, the good intent is there, but unless you tell your partner exactly what makes you feel the best...you can’t magically expect them to know. Yet many of us have this instinct that “I can’t tell them exactly how I’d like them to treat me, or it won’t be as ‘real’”. 

I think D/s often complicates this issue even farther. Subs hesitate to ask for ‘too much’ because they don’t want to be too needy, or to feel like they’re taking charge or telling their doms what to do. Which I think is a valid concern. In my view, the answer to that potential problem isn’t to avoid sharing what make you feel good. Instead, it’s just to be mindful of the way that you are communicating, so that you are sharing the knowledge of your needs or desires without telling them what to do. 

Communicating in great detail is a huge part of how we find the intimacy that we’re after with D/s. Understanding in detail what makes each other feel dominant and submissive does SO much to assist us with keeping our D/s on track, and to keep each other feeling loved and cared for. These deep, difficult, detailed discussions are also helpful to our D/s because they make me realize how safe our relationship is. That sense of security allows me to let go and be more submissive. 

As I said earlier, I understand that instinct that if you tell someone exactly what you want, and then they do it, your initial instinct may be to feel like it’s less meaningful when they do it. Like asking for it somehow ‘cheapened’ it. 

I think that is a largely misguided instinct, though. I think that if you tell someone what feels good to you, and they do it just to placate you or please you? You can tell they’re just phoning it in. And if you tell them what makes you feel good, and they do it because they enjoy making you feel good? You’ll feel that too. 

It’s similar to how starting D/s worked for us. When I first asked for it, I worried it would be something he did just for me. But once he found meaning in it himself? I could tell that our D/s was fulfilling for him, that it was giving him joy, and that he was really feeling the connection with me through this dynamic. It was just easy to see that he was really ‘feeling it’. A similar thing can happen with "smaller” things such as specific acts of love, care or service. 

[matan4il]

hello, I just wanted to ask you a quick question about your meta process. Do you play Devil's Advocate while analysing? I mean, do you ask yourself if there's a non-buddie explanation for everything (plotline, foreshadowing), or do you just instantly go for the Buddie explanation. I'm just curious because sometimes it feels like meta writers don't do that, and I get that your focus is on the buddie-mess of it, but surely in order to persuade anyone that your view of a thing is correct, you have to disprove all over possible explanation. You know, like Sherlock Holmes said "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?"

Hi Nonnie! Good question.

So the short answer is yes and no. I do take into consideration other explanation. Not whether they exist, 'coz if someone's adamant, there is always an alternate explanation. I have, for example, shipped non-canon het ships that can be compared to Buddie, and for them too, every romantic trope could as an idea be explained away. So the question isn't whether there's an alternate explication, it's how often do we see what has most often been a romantic trope being used with a platonic duo, how hard do we have to work to come up with an alternate explanation, are the tropes used in a way that's different to the treatment of actual platonic bonds (like Hen and Chim) etc. So I don't immediately go for the Buddie explanation and there were things that I saw how one could infer a Buddie interpretation for them, but I felt it wasn't the more immediate one, so I never included them in my meta posts.

At the same time, I'm also not looking to "prove" anything. I'm not a detective trying to solve a mystery and having to prove that my solution is the correct one. I started out writing my meta 'coz my whole point was, "we're not crazy, this is what we're seeing because the show has made some very deliberate choices, here is what I see and why I think it's intentional." But at the end of the day, I'm not trying to convince anyone. I'm a person online expressing my POV. I could be right, I could be wrong. My POV isn't better than anyone else's. And I'm certainly not trying to push any agenda, just say what I see in the show and what it was the show which made me into a Buddie shipper. I think that's true for most Buddie shippers: we didn't start watching to ship Buddie, forcing our interpretation on the show. 911 kept throwing romantic tropes at us in relation to Buddie which made us start shipping them.

So that’s my answer, yes and no. I do take other possible takes into account, I don't automatically try to turn everything into Buddie "proof" but I also don't feel the need to try and convince anyone. People who see what I do and enjoy my posts are amazing, people who disagree with my takes are also great. Let everyone enjoy what makes them happy! It’s a difficult life, fandom should bring relief and joy, not the burden of proving anything to anyone.

I hope I managed to explain myself? :) Please do let me know and have a wonderful day! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

[daenerysstrangersagain]

Writing about dressing a character in ASOIAF/GOT can be difficult. While GRRM was obviously inspired by medieval fashions, it isn’t a direct 1-to-1 comparison and the show makes it worse. 

And since I recently needed to write such a scene, I thought I’d make a post about the decisions I made to simplify and add ASOIAF themes to medieval fashions.

 A Starting Point

Here are a number of links I used to inform myself on medieval fashion in general.

META MONDAY: CLOTHING

Rosalie’s Medieval Woman

This Ask by @joannalannister​ (check the first paragraphs for more links)

Show Costumes Wiki Page

THE FULL GUIDE TO CORSET VOCABULARY

Victorian Clothing

The World of ASOIAF

I also pulled a few things from the world to add to this. 

For instance, the books have a great many quotes about clothing.

The queen wore a gown of sea-green silk, trimmed with Myrish lace as pale as foam. - AGOT

The queen wore a high-collared black silk gown, with a hundred dark red rubies sewn into her bodice, covering her from neck to bosom. They were cut in the shape of teardrops, as if the queen were weeping blood. - AGOT

The smallclothes were all silk, but the gown itself was ivory samite and cloth-of-silver, and lined with silvery satin. The points of the long dagged sleeves almost touched the ground when she lowered her arms. And it was a woman's gown, not a little girl's, there was no doubt of that. The bodice was slashed in front almost to her belly, the deep vee covered over with a panel of ornate Myrish lace in dove-grey. The skirts were long and full, the waist so tight that Sansa had to hold her breath as they laced her into it. They brought her new shoes as well, slippers of soft grey doeskin that hugged her feet like lovers. - ASOS

And there’s the entire show to look at. Of interest are:

Sansa’s wearing a dress that closes in front. There’s no undergown or thick layer of skirts, just a loose corset and an underskirt/slip.

Cersei’s shoes and red hose. Also of interest is the way she’s holding the gown. There’s no underskirt, although the material is thick and good quality.

Sansa having the back of her dress removed, with no underdress.

Bringing It Together

The layers I decided on are:

Chemise

Foundation Garment

Underskirt

Kirtle

Gown

Hose/Shoes

Chemise

The chemise protected the corset and dress from the skin and was sometimes used for sleeping. See art example left and Margaery in a chemise on the right.

Foundation Garment/Corset

Most often a corset, but a loose one. Looking at Sansa, it looks like the corset isn’t meant to shape her body but instead meant to shape her dress. To make it sit  a certain way, and perhaps to act like a bra for support. 

Several of Cersei’s dresses lie in a manner that suggests she isn’t wearing anything similar underneath, but using the golden faux armor as support instead. 

Underskirt/Petticoat

A combination of the petticoat and the slip that Sansa has here.

The petticoat had a dual role as both an underlinen and a structural garment. It protected the dress and provided warmth as well as modesty, while helping to shape the dress and therefore mirrored the cut of the skirt.

While Sansa’s slip only seems to provide modesty and protection for the dress, it does serve a similar function to more traditional types of underskirts.

Kirtle

Not all dresses seem to have this, but some, like Sansa here appear to have the further layers underneath the outer gown. Cersei also appears in a sleeveless dress that has the same vibe for me.

While a traditional kirtle could be word under another layer or by itself, in this sense I am using it as an underlayer. 

Gown

This is the upper layer. More brightly colored than those underneath and likely washed less. Over this you can wear jewelry or something like Cersei’s golden corset here.

Hose, Stockings, and Shoes

Before elastic was invented, something needed to hold up the stockings. There were several choices, although if I was asked to bet I’d say that Lena Headey is wearing modern pantyhose or leggings here. 

I tend to vary which I choose for in-universe settings based on the character. A Stark in winter will be wearing thicker, higher stockings - perhaps even just pants - than a Tyrell mid-summer. 

For shoes, I’m sticking with the style shown here by Cersei, or things from a similar era. I have to say, I absolutely adore these shoes, and they helped inspire the post.

Fin

Bear in mind that these are just an idea even at the best of times. In Westeros gowns can have front, back, side, and no closures. Margaery’s chemise has sleeves, and while that won’t work at all in universe for a lot of outfits, most likely people of that era would have been wearing something to protect the dress for practicalities sake. And sometimes women appear to just we wearing a gown and nothing underneath. 

Not to mention, there are a dozen words that could be applied to each of these layers instead of what I’ve used. And this definitely isn’t canon, it’s just that I like structure to my fics. 

Hope this helps someone, or was at least informative!

[shihalyfie]

The Kaiser wasn’t very good at being a villain (and that’s the point, actually)

Ken’s journey of redemption is generally well-documented overall, and it was explicit enough in the series that there’s only so much you really need to explain it, but due to the blurred boundary of what was supernatural influence from the Dark Seed and what was Ken’s own emotional problems wreaking havoc, it’s somewhat more difficult to bridge that gap between the Kaiser and Ken, and how they can be the same person.

The easiest way to understand it comes from both directions. One is that Ken, even in his normal element, is much more assertive than he’s often given credit for -- it’s just that the Kaiser is a (fragile) manifestation of that very carefully cultivated to channel that in all of the wrong directions. The other has to do with the fact that the Kaiser is actually really terrible at being a villain, and the persona itself is very fragile and difficult for him to maintain.

Rewatching the first half of 02 shows multiple indications that, for all he seemed to be the stereotype “evil genius”, Ken was forcing himself into the mold. He was never cut out for it from day one. Even from the beginning, Ken’s actual nature as a lonely and inherently kind eleven-year-old child was tearing apart at the Kaiser persona, and the fateful episode 21 was not so much a single turning point for him as much as it was the last straw in a series of things tumbling down for him.

Before we continue: While all of the meta on this blog is only possible thanks to support and input from a handful of friends (whose names will not be disclosed on account of privacy requests), this one in particular arose from a long and extensive discussion with said friends that I am extremely grateful for. As always, I hope I was able to convey your points well.

Well, firstly, it’s important to understand that, much like nearly any other character in this series, Ken’s surface demeanor is a bit deceptive. The Crest of Kindness has the original Japanese name of yasashisa (優しさ), which has a secondary meaning of “gentleness” (lost in translation, but still apparent with the bubble metaphor in 02 episode 23). That also ties into the secondary meaning of “kind” -- it’s not just about being naturally “soft”, but actively choosing to be gentle with others even when you’re theoretically capable of not doing so. (For those of you who have seen Appmon, the entire point of that series was about what it means to consciously and deliberately choose to be kind, and, in fact, quite a few parallels could be made between Ken and Haru...)

The contrast between Daisuke and Ken goes far beyond just the surface. Daisuke’s surface demeanor is abrasive, but he’s not actually very good at being assertive until push comes to shove, and he otherwise tends to bend easily to others or get overwhelmed; in contrast, Ken has a more polite demeanor and for the most part seems non-confrontational, but has much stronger control of his emotions and is more easily able to be assertive than Daisuke is. (Of course, both of them share the common point of being like-minded when it’s something that really matters, but Ken is much better at imposing his will and getting what he wants done before Daisuke ever gets to that point, which is what fuels the whole punchline of Daisuke and Ken’s Shopping Carol.)

So, the point is: Daisuke is kind out of instinct and just “naturally” being so, but Ken is kind because he consciously believes in treating others well and not causing conflict, and not causing pain to others.

That’s not to say that Ken’s behavior is out of suppression or anything! It’s not a case like Takeru, who’s trying to push complicated emotions down while pretending they’re not boiling under the surface, nor is he like Hikari, who’s compulsively pressing her emotions down out of a desire not to burden others. Rather, even as early as 02 episode 26, he’s very straightforward about what his issue is and what he thinks about it. Ken’s “shyness” during the latter half of 02 is largely due to shame and hesitation from not knowing the other 02 kids well, but as the series goes on and as we go into post-02 material, he indicates that he’s perfectly wiling to be vocal about what he thinks without necessarily fighting any compulsion to suppress it. For someone who claims he doesn’t know much about his own heart, he arguably seems to have the best grip on understanding himself compared to a lot of this cast!

So in essence, the main take-home here is that Ken is theoretically capable of being strong-willed and assertive, and is very good at choosing when he wants to be assertive and when he wants to hold back. And he likes seeing people get along, and he wants everyone to be happy, and he doesn’t like seeing people be hurt or hurting others, and under normal circumstances, Ken has very good control of his emotions for the most part and quite a lot of self-awareness. That’s why Ken is the one to get the unique designation of this Crest; everyone in this cast can be said to be generous and supportive of others in some form, but there’s a difference between being a “natural” doormat who defers to others by default (Daisuke being a very good indicator of how this kind of mentality has a flip side of lack of self-esteem and high insecurity, and Tamers’s Takato being a good indication of how “being deferential” doesn’t necessarily preclude you from having tendencies towards selfishness or cowardice), versus choosing to be kind by understanding everything and still being gentle out of a belief that it’s the right thing to do (again: see Shinkai Haru). And it’s why Wormmon says in the 02 episode 23 flashback that Ken’s kindness can be used against him; being “kind” in this way requires a lot of mental fortitude, strength, and guts, all of which are things that could easily be very bad things when applied in the wrong direction.

This means that all the Dark Seed really needed to do in order to turn him into the Kaiser...was make him lose grip on that self-control.

Actually, Ken says it himself in less-than-subtle words in Spring 2003:

…It was revenge. But who was this revenge against? Did I want to triumph over the ones who made fun of me? The ones who looked down on me and used me? But… In the end, it was revenge against myself. I couldn’t do anything but deny the kind of human being that I was.

So in other words, the Kaiser persona was, effectively, a self-loathing eleven-year-old boy throwing a massive tantrum. A lot of the Kaiser’s actions in the first half of 02 are honestly rather petty -- he’s basically upset at the kids spoiling his holiday in 02 episode 6, he attempts torturing Daisuke out of a petty grudge over a soccer sliding tackle in 02 episode 8, and everything to do with expanding his territory and eventually (hopefully?) becoming ruler of the Digital World is frankly very sloppy. For all he’s said to be a genius, his genius only seems to extend to book smarts, and his “tactical planning abilities” never really expand beyond that of a soccer field sort of affair; his way of locking down control on other things is basically just “brainwash it harder” or “whip it harder” and applying harder brute force instead of doing something in the long-term like, say, trying to rule with charisma and recruiting allies.

(Again, bringing Appmon back into this, seeing Cloud in action will give you a much better example of a charismatic human villain who’s actually competent at his job. Or, heck, you can even look back at Savers’s Kurata, who at least was savvy enough to pull strings with people in powerful positions. Or even the Kaiser’s predecessor Saiba Neo from V-Tamer, who may have been openly sadistic but still had the sense to align himself with background power. Really, compared to all of these folks, the Kaiser is downright pathetic.)

Remembering that Ken fell into the Kaiser persona partially as a desperate attempt to become a “perfect person” like Osamu, Ken “imitated” Osamu’s cruelty to him because he felt that was how he could improve himself to become a “strong” person better than him. But the irony here is that Osamu’s “cruelty” was something that he himself never liked, and mainly came from lashing out at Ken due to feeling like he had a lack of control over his own life. So Osamu was never happy in that position, and Ken, who is indirectly pointed out via the bubble metaphor to be even more fundamentally inclined towards gentleness, is probably even more miserable.

Because everything Ken does as the Kaiser is “unfocused lashing out at everyone”, the Kaiser has less control over his emotions than Ken normally would. Takeru manages to emotionally pin him to a corner by confronting him with enough assertion in 02 episode 19 (this is before he punches him), and correctly points out that the Kaiser isn’t capable of winning with words (i.e. ideologically) and resorts to violence as the first thing he can think of. You’d think that if the Kaiser were actually someone with the self-confidence to consider the other Chosen Children beneath him, he wouldn’t even bother giving them the time of day, but Takeru just happening to be a little assertive is enough to make him lose his composure and start falling apart, and a lot of his shaken “insects!” yelling comes from him seeming pretty desperate to cling onto that rather than being all that confident about his natural superiority over anyone. 02 episode 20 establishes that he’s getting himself in over his head by tampering with the powers of darkness he can’t control, and while, on a plot level, it means that he’s misjudged his own capabilities, on a metaphorical level, it corresponds to the fact that even Ken himself is incapable of getting himself out of the emotional abyss he’s in.

And on the flip side, one of the biggest “tells” that Ken is still miserable during all of this is 02 episode 9, where he’s seen ruminating on the “glory” he’s getting in the real world despite having just decided to leave it all behind. The episode prior, after all, had been called “The Digimon Kaiser’s Loneliness”. The media is using him like some kind of “hot topic”, his parents’ affection (in his mind) is shallow and based only on his achievements, and he has no friends (how much of a role Akiyama Ryou played in his childhood is unclear, but either way, he’s no longer around now). With no emotional support coming from any direction in the real world, he’s resorting to at least trying to have some “fun” in what he perceives to be a “game”, and yet he’s still not having fun at all.

If you look carefully at a lot of the Kaiser’s actions during the first half of the series, one thing you’ll notice is that there are multiple indications that he’s not quite up to par to being as sadistic as you’d think he’d be. Recalling that we learn in 02 episodes 20-21 that the Kaiser is under the impression that the Digital World is like a game that he can “reset” and the Digimon in it not real living beings, it has interesting implications of the fact that he’s actually very hesitant to physically harm other human beings -- he certainly likes emotionally toying with them, but even when he’s trying to take petty revenge on Daisuke in 02 episode 8, he goes out of his way to set up a trap with Bakemon to torture him rather than, well, actually using the kids as hostages. That’s a hell of a lot of work to do, but he instead uses this extremely roundabout way to get them out of the picture in a somewhat less harmful way, risking having them escape (which is exactly what happens).

And in 02 episode 19, when Takeru confronts him and he ends up whipping him, you can hear a slight “...gh?” in the Japanese audio for a split second right after that, meaning that the Kaiser is, for some reason, having a hard time dealing with the fact that he just hit Takeru, and he does a very poor job defending himself against Takeru punching him out despite ostensibly being trained in judo. (Seriously, if you watch the animation of the scene, he’s just lying there while Takeru repeatedly punches the hell out of him, because he’s so out of it.) Regarding the Digimon, he’s convinced himself that they’re not living beings, but regarding the human Chosen Children, who undeniably are, no matter how much he might look down on them, he has a suspiciously hard time harming them as much as he could...

On top of that, one interesting question that might come up to one rewatching the first half of 02 is the strange “contradiction” of why the Kaiser ostensibly seems to hate Wormmon so much, calling him an unworthy idea of a partner in 02 episodes 10 and 19, and yet does remarkably little to get Wormmon away from him or off his case (he hates Wormmon calling him “Ken-chan”, yet doesn’t really try very hard to stop him). He could have easily locked Wormmon away in a cage or something if he really wanted to -- actually, there’s the question, why doesn’t he slap an Evil Ring on him? Because in the end, Wormmon is the only emotional support he’s really getting, and so it’s likely he unconsciously doesn’t want to lose that. Recalling that Digimon are fundamentally linked to the inner self, the Kaiser rejecting Wormmon for being “weak” is analogous to Ken rejecting his own self for being “weak” and “not perfect” -- which means that the fact he still keeps Wormmon around is analogous to the fact that Ken hasn’t really been able to bring himself to completely let his fundamental nature go. And, hence, it’s why he gets so initially incensed at Wormmon’s “betrayal” at 02 episode 10 (and yet still keeps him around despite that), and is ultimately emotionally destroyed by his death in 02 episode 21.

Although, actually, if you look carefully at 02 episode 21, it’s not quite Wormmon’s death that necessarily does it -- the turning point where he sheds the Kaiser persona is right before that (and in case you have any doubts, the animation puts highlights in his eyes for the first time in the series right at that point). Wormmon’s death is the first major consequence of his actions that he has to deal with, but what actually brought Ken back to his senses was his own realization that Digimon are living beings, that his actions have had permanent effects this whole time, and that he can’t take back anything he’d done.

Remember that 02 is a series that is largely about moving on and accepting that you can’t change the past, and that you have to move forward regardless of that. Ken’s fall into sadism was only possible by driving him into extremely deep-seated denial -- he was already starting to face the potential reality of Digimon being real, existing beings in the real world an episode prior. He says, outright, in 02 episode 21, that part of the reason he came to the Digital World to do all of this was escapism -- and, presumably, under the idea that any mistake he made could be rolled back and redone, unlike Osamu’s death. But the Digital World is not a place you can reset like a game, Ken will have to live with the consequences of his actions again, and moreover, every single one of the actions he’d been convincing himself were relatively meaningless had caused severe and permanent harm, and the entire thing overwhelms him.

It’s also important to point out that this was probably where the Dark Seed had to work a lot of magic to get Ken to embrace this kind of denial so easily -- after all, it’s established in the final quarter of the series that it does have a tangible impact on personality and puts a damper on one’s ability to feel empathy. In the flashback in 02 episode 23, regardless of whether Ken considered the Digital World to be a “game” or “able to be reversed” or not, he clearly still didn’t care and treated those around him with proper kindness (even if he did consider it to be all of that, it probably wouldn’t have been entirely unlike how a lot of us have a hard time picking rude choices in video games). It’s a very complicated chain reaction of events that allowed this to be even possible, and it was so against his fundamental nature that once the denial broke and Ken reached his limit, he wasn’t able to do it anymore. The Chosen Children’s main role in 02 episode 21 was really just cleaning up the massive mess he’d made in the form of Chimeramon, but as far as the whole thing about the Kaiser’s persona completely falling apart and Ken being forced to confront his own self goes, that was pretty much all Ken and Wormmon, in a series of dominoes that had already been collapsing for episodes on end.

The following episodes have Ken treat the 02 team with a certain amount of detachment, and this is often construed by a handful of people as being reflective of Ken being standoffish of some sort. The fact that Daisuke and Ken are often promoted in franchise materials as “rivals” mainly due to them being in the “protagonist and right-hand-man” position such characters are in might tempt you to think that way, but they are most definitely not!! (Considering that even saying that Taichi and Yamato fit that mold is a bit questionable, and neither Ruki nor Jian quite fulfill the expectations of the role in regards to the genre-subverting Tamers, Frontier, which is explicitly said to be deliberately written to be conventional, is probably the first proper execution of this trope in the form of Takuya and Kouji.) Ken’s detachment from the group at this time in the series is something he actually gives the reason for quite directly: he believes it’s his fault and doesn’t want to burden them with what he considers to be his job, and in the end Daisuke ultimately breaks through to him and they become completely normal friends who get along. “Rival” what?

Ken is, at worst, distant during this point of the series, but he’s actually very straightforward about what he wants and intends to do; it’s just that he’s being a bit blunt about it because he’s still drowning in his shame and not sure how to approach them. (Also, consider the fact he was rather lacking in friends or a support group before all of this; he doesn’t have a lot of experience in socializing, either.) So he keeps everyone at arm’s length, and the reason he comes off as so standoffish is because he’s so assertive! He directly and bluntly makes some very strong remarks about how he believes everyone else shouldn’t be getting involved! Again, when left to his own devices and not being manipulated into by a supernatural evil seed into multiple levels of denial, Ken is very in control of what he wants and thinks, and is even very open about speaking his mind.

That’s even when they’re not good decisions, mind you. Ken starts off the climax of 02 episode 26 being very firm about wanting to suicidally throw himself into the reactor in order to stop it, and 02 episode 30 has him consider himself a burden to the team after the fallout with Iori and try to stay out of it despite them very badly needing his presence, which Daisuke (of all people!) rightfully calls him out for being childish about. But he also listens to reason very quickly and acknowledges the others’ point very easily, with Daisuke reminding him in 02 episode 26 that his suicidal recklessness is actually pretty self-centered and short-sighted of him, since it’ll prevent him from doing anything else to take responsibility for his actions going forward, and Miyako, uh, slapping him in 02 episode 30. (But he comes quietly right away as if acknowledging his own idiocy, and never holds it against her thereafter.)

Nevertheless, the point is: you can see that this kind of assertiveness is the same kind of assertiveness he had as the Kaiser, just channeled in a different direction and for a different purpose. But as the Kaiser, he was angrily lashing out at anything and everything and stepping on anything he could just so he could have a show of power; once he comes back to his senses, he reserves that force for it being something he consciously believes is the right thing to do (regardless of whether it’s actually the right thing to do or not).

Because of the fact Ken spends a lot of the last quarter of 02 suffering and parsing a lot of trauma, a lot of people have tended to pin him as constantly sad and being a soft crybaby, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! Despite all the emotional pain he goes through, Ken has a hell of a ton of strength through all of this -- he even flings a well-aimed quip at Oikawa in 02 episode 44 despite being in a completely helpless situation, and in 02 episode 45 he himself is the one who volunteers to open the gate to the Dark Ocean, despite knowing exactly what it entails. That takes a lot of guts, and all things considered, his recovery from being the Kaiser spans only four months and is altogether incredibly fast given what he went through -- it did not take long for him to regain his bearings and get himself back on track. Again, it’s the same kind of “assertiveness” and capacity for action that fuels what the Kaiser did, just better controlled and in a direction Ken knows he actually wants.

This is also why I tend to object to insinuations that Ken would be overly touchy about or traumatized by the mere discussion of him being the Kaiser in the aftermath of 02, because the series itself, multiple times, portrayed him as being very able to talk about his experiences bluntly and honestly, at worst maybe considering it a bit of an awkward topic. He has no problems admitting that it was a thing that happened, especially if it involves discussing it as part of taking responsibility or preventing further damage -- it’s just that he of course doesn’t enjoy it either, and is equally as open about the shame he feels as a result. All of the times Ken loses his composure in the latter half of 02 involve either physical pain being inflicted on him, or a lot more actively vicious invocation of his memories and insecurities, and even then he gets himself back on his feet with a rather prompt amount of speed. Poorly timed of a statement as it may have been, Miyako is not incorrect when she says in 02 episode 31 that he has a certain amount of natural resilience that he carried from being the Kaiser.

All the way back in 02 episode 9, shortly after it was revealed to the group that Ken was the Kaiser, Iori, Hikari, and Takeru all label Ken as someone who doesn’t look like someone who could do something so horrible, and Hikari even says that his smile looks “gentle” (note that this is yasashisou, a word derived from the same root word used for his Crest). So in other words, even all three of them were able to catch on to his actual nature betraying himself even during that awful period of time. It’s still poking through, all things considered.

But we as the audience know he’s putting on that face for the camera, and his eyes are still as dead-eyed as they are for the first half of the series, and when Miyako accidentally makes him laugh during the Christmas party in 02 episode 38, it’s very much framed as probably the first time Ken has been this genuinely happy in a long while. He was never able to be this happy even when “satisfying” himself by stepping on others as the Kaiser.

And that’s why it’s so extremely unlikely that Ken will ever be able to lapse back into the Kaiser persona after the events of 02, even with the Dark Seed technically still inside his neck. He wasn’t enjoying it anyway; the Kaiser persona wasn’t a habit that he fell into out of emotional suppression or even catharsis, but rather him forcing himself into a role he was never comfortable in to begin with. He was never truly satisfied with anything he was getting out of it, and moreover, it took the combination of supernatural influence and a hell of a lot of denial to allow it to get that far in the first place, because of how far against his fundamental nature that was.  (Again, for those of you who have seen Appmon: think about what it would take to get Haru to embrace sadism.) Even Osamu wasn’t enjoying being cold; being kind and living your life with positivity is a lot more fulfilling and fun, anyway.

In 02 episode 48, Ken describes the influence of the Seed as “horrible” in retrospect; even if it didn’t involve physical pain and exhaustion the way it did for the Dark Seed children, the entire experience sucked even back then. And while Ken theorizes about the Dark Seed’s influence being countered by the power of love earlier in the episode, when you look at the whole of 02, it’s not just his family’s love -- Ken now has the emotional support of his family, and Wormmon, and his newfound friends, and that’s giving him all of the fulfillment he wanted that putting on a front of sadism wasn’t giving him, and he doesn’t really need anything else anymore.

02 itself is very much about the fact that it’s not a bad thing to rely on the support of others to be happy; the Ken and Kaiser are undoubtedly the same person, but the latter’s existence requires a very specific lineup of events and factors to happen, and one of the massive parts behind that was a severe lack of emotional support or anyone who properly understood him. And by the end of the series, Ken has more than enough strength of heart to accept everything that’s happened and move on, and to stop reaching out to denial and clinging onto the past, and he has emotional support and understanding from a whole new group of friends that thoroughly understand everything he did and went through, and wholeheartedly accept and love him anyway.

He is never going to have a gaping hole in his life like that again.

[stxleslyds]

I didn't realize how often I thought about this fandom until I started churning out asks on a daily basis.

Knowing DC's creative trends/talent in 1988/89, what do you think would have happened if fans voted for Jason's survival? From released alternative comic pages, Jason still gets blown up but survives.

Do you think they had a plan for him to become Hush (like the Death in the Family interactive "movie" implies)? Would he get a personality change through amnesia? Or would the comics have retired him to fade into obscurity?

WHAT IF…? BUT JASON TODD SURVIVES.

Hi friend! Thank you for the ask! This should be interesting.

But before I give my answer, let’s take a look at those pages where Jason had actually survived Joker’s attack.

From the second page we only can see one panel but some who have seen the entire, unreleased, page have said this about it:

“The full page reveals more, including the arrival of Dick Grayson to Jason’s hospital room, although a pencilled note in the margins says to strike him, and redraw the panels in favour of having Alfred in the scene instead. Dick rushed over as soon as he heard, and offered Bruce his help in tracking down the Joker.

In the published version of Batman #428, the same page depicts Jason’s funeral, where Alfred asks Bruce if he should get in touch with Dick Grayson. In both pages, Batman says roughly the same thing: “I’ll handle this by myself. No help from now on... that’s the way I want it.””

This makes me feel like Jason having survived or not the Joker’s attack would have resulted in the same outcome within Bruce. Dick shows up at the hospital to check on Jason and offers his help in tracking Joker to Bruce but Bruce doesn’t want his help because from that moment on “he works alone”.

That would lead to the same exact actions that happened with Jason dead. Bruce goes after Joker on his own and leaves up to fate if he dies or not (although he said that his issues with Joker never truly end, Batman (1940) #429),

And if Bruce pushes Dick away then we could also be having a scene like the one from The New Titans (1988) #55, where Bruce implies that Jason getting hurt was Dick’s fault for having moved on from Robin himself. If that happens then Dick would blame Bruce for putting Jason in danger way too soon and their fight will end up with Bruce kicking Dick out of the manor.

-

So, to answer your question, what would have happened if fans voted for Jason’s survival?

I think that DC would have turned Jason into another reason why Bruce thinks that all he could ever be is Batman. It would have made Bruce dark, moody and sad just like DC wanted, all darkness and no light.

Jason wouldn’t be dead but he wouldn’t be truly alive and they would use that to fuel the angst that surrounds Batman.

It is a very sad thing, but I actually think that Jason surviving the attack wouldn’t have had any impact on his own story, Jason’s suffering/death were set up to make Batman want to work alone again. I just don’t see DC back in the day working on Jason’s recovery (physical and mental), I see them leaving Jason comatose and as a reminder of one of Batman’s “failures”. Maybe in a distant future Jason could have woken up with amnesia and they could have done something with him then but I really don’t know how they could make that story work or if Jason would end up working as an ally or enemy of Batman.

Much like you said in the ask, I think that DC would have let the character of Jason Todd fade away,

-

Because that is a really sad answer, I decided to come up with other scenarios where I would give ideas of what I would have liked to see DC do, and what I would have done if I had existed back in the day!

What I would have liked to see DC do:

After setting the fact that Jason was left in a coma at the hospital after Joker’s attack, I think DC should have had Bruce making some extreme decisions. With Jason alive but not really there I think that DC could have made work a plot point that they tried to pull off with Jason dead.

In a comic event called ‘Underworld Unleashed’ the demon Neron offered bringing Jason back to life if Bruce gave him his soul in exchange. But with Jason alive I think that Bruce would have actually been even more tempted to take the offer if it meant that by giving his soul away, he could wake Jason up from the coma he was in. Then there could have been an event with magic users that made it possible so Bruce got his soul back or something. DC could have also had Jason have amnesia after Neron wakes him up so we would have a soulless Batman and amnesiac Jason trying to make their father/son relationship work (or not).

Another idea is Bruce making a different extreme decision where he asks Talia to help him find a Lazarus Pit to try his luck with Jason. Because Jason was in a coma and not dead the Pit would have actually worked (the Lazarus Pit cannot bring people back from the dead!). I imagine that if it worked then Bruce would owe Talia or Ra’s a favour, and that could make an interesting story, mostly if Jason Todd ends up mad at Bruce because he didn’t kill the Joker after he tried to kill him. (I do love chaos).

Maybe Jason could even join the LoA to make Bruce’s life difficult. He wouldn’t become the Red Hood but Jason becoming an assassin after all that could have been the perfect recipe for complete chaos and I love that. I think DC could make it work, this last part of the idea is kinda inspired by Young Justice's Jason Todd.

What I would have done if I wrote for DC at the time:

I would have taken Jason away from Bruce! I would have Dick appear out of nowhere and I would have him take Jason with him back to the Titans Tower so they can both be far away from Bruce (at least for a little while).

If this idea sounds familiar it might be because you read another “What if…?” post that I made about what I thought would happen if Jason hadn’t been found by Batman that night when Jason was stealing the Batmobile’s tires. I will link that post here!

This time Dick would obviously be taking Jason with him at a different time and he would actually try to train Jason a little bit more but Dick would also have Jason work on his trauma and then Jason would decide to leave the vigilante/hero life behind. But not completely because I still believe that Jason would still want to save people. He would also be very protective of his brother/best friend Dick Grayson, also known as Nightwing.

I just think that Dick could have handled the situation a lot better than Bruce, he would have made sure that Jason felt like him not being Robin anymore wasn’t because he was a failure but because he can help people in other ways. He would have made him go to therapy and would have been more willing to share his own experiences with him.

I would have Jason studying to become a paramedic again (a different kind of hero) and this time he could also practice on the Titans when they got hurt in battle, if he did that then he could end up being an excellent medic for all superheroes!

I mean, in the Titans there are humans, aliens, metas, amazons and atlanteans. Jason could actually become DC’s very own version of Marvel’s ‘Night Nurse’. I don’t know, I love that idea and I think @hood-ex would like it too!

I just love the idea of Jason and Dick becoming each other's family. The Titans would also become Jason's family but he would be very protective of Dick. I just feel like Jason would have seen the whole thing (of Dick taking him to live together) as a fresh start after such a horrible experience.

I love Red Hood but I also love the idea of Jason becoming something completely different from that and this is one of my favourite ideas!

-

Oh! Before I forget, I think that the idea of Jason becoming Hush in the ‘Death in the Family’ movie comes directly from the fact that Jason “was” Hush for a second in the Batman: Hush comic. That was revealed to us in UtRH, Jason gave the real Hush all the information that he needed to get under Batman’s skin. And then when “Hush” captured Tim and he showed his face that was actually Jason who then changed places with Clayface to confuse Bruce more.

So, yeah, I don’t think DC had planned on making Jason become Hush.

Thank you so much for the ask! I hope the answer was good and that you have a fantastic week!

[todomitoukei]

Japanese vs. English Todoroki - A 301 Comparison

Finally, for the first time since this manga has begun - and it only took 300 chapters to get here - we get an entire chapter that is solely about the Todoroki family! As I read through the chapter and started to type down the Japanese text, I asked myself which scenes I should translate. And so here we are with me having translated every single line. With that, this is a long post. Long. You have been warned. So let’s get right into it:

The chapter starts out with a flashback to Endeavor speaking with Rei’s father to get his approval to marry Rei:

「次期No.1の呼び声高いエンデヴァー様からお声掛けいただけるとは夢にも思いませんでした！僥倖の極みにございます！！」

「次期 ; jiki 」-> next term

「No.1 ; nanbaa wan 」-> number one

「呼び声高い ; yobigoe takai 」-> being widely talked about as a prominent prospect (for)

「エンデヴァー様 ; endevaa sama 」-> Endeavor-Sama

「から ; kara 」-> from

「お声掛け ; okoegake 」-> greeting; approaching (someone)

「いただける ; itadakeru 」-> receive (potential form)

「とは ; to wa」-> adds emphasis to the prior word/phrase

「夢にも思いませんでした ; yume ni mo omoimasen deshita 」-> I never dreamed that; not in one’s wildest dreams

「僥倖 ; gyoukou 」-> good fortune

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「極み ; kiwami 」-> height; extremity

「に ; ni 」-> at

「ございます ; gozaimasu 」-> to be

= “I never dreamed that we would receive greetings from Endeavor-Sama, who is widely talked about as a prominent prospect for the next term’s Number One position. We are at the height of good fortune!!”

It’s kinda sad if the height of your good fortune is meeting Endeavor. I also wonder how he reached out to them? “Hi, I need a wife with an ice quirk, do you have one?” How did he even search them? Is there some kind of registry that tells you which family has which quirk? 

Anyway, we then learn a little about Rei’s family:

「氷叢もかつては名家と呼ばれた由緒ある家柄にございます故―

トップヒーロー様の伴侶としましては充分に釣り合いがとれるものと。。。」

「氷叢 ; himura 」-> Himura

「も ; mo 」-> also

「かつて ; katsute 」-> once; before; formerly

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「名家 ; meika 」-> noble family; distinguished family

「と呼ばれた ; to yobareta 」-> was called

「由緒ある ; yuisho aru 」-> prestigious; with a long history

「家柄 ; iegara」-> social standing of a family; lineage

「に ; ni 」-> from

「ございます ; gozaimasu 」-> to be

「故 ; yue 」-> reason; cause; circumstances

「トップヒーロー様 ; toppu hiro sama 」-> Top Hero-Sama

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「伴侶 ; hanryo 」-> spouse

「としまして ; to shimashite 」-> to take as

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「充分に ; juubun ni 」-> sufficient; enough (the ni turns this word into an adverb)

「釣り合い ; tsuriai 」-> balance

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「とれる ; toreru 」-> to be attained (of balance)

「ものと ; mono to 」-> shall; to assume; understood as

= “The Himura family was also once called a noble family. It’s a lineage with a long history - so to take her as a top hero’s spouse shall be a sufficiently attained balance.”

Something I would like to note here is something that is difficult to properly translate, which is the politeness level. There are a lot of different politeness levels to show the different social ranks. We don’t know how Rei’s father normally speaks, but he probably talks politely here to show respect to a top hero, which also makes this seem more like a business deal rather than a familiar conversation with your future father-in-law.

Anyway, we then get a little bit of narration from Endeavor:

「氷のような女だった」

「氷 ; koori 」-> ice

「のような ; no you na 」-> similar to; like

「女 ; onna 」-> woman

「だった ; datta 」-> was

= “She was a woman like ice.”

Ah, the classic “this woman doesn’t immediately worship me so she has no feelings” attitude. Not that I can say that I’m surprised he’d say something like that. And look at her. She looks so unhappy! Why are there people reading this chapter and claiming that this wasn’t a forced marriage when she looks like that? She clearly didn’t truly want this herself. This is also confirmed in the next line:

「“個性婚”である事も承知の上で。。。。。。家の為に俺の妻になると言う。」

「個性婚 ; koseikon 」-> quirk marriage

「である ; de aru 」-> is; be

「事 ; de aru koto 」-> nominalizes the preceding phrase

「も ; mo 」-> also

「承知の上で ; shouchi no ue de 」-> being aware of; taking something into account

「家 ; ie 」-> family

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「為に ; tame ni」-> for the sake of

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「妻 ; tsuma 」-> wife

「になる ; ni naru 」-> to become

「と言う ; to iu」-> to say

= “She is also aware that this is a quirk marriage... she says she will become my wife for the sake of her family.”

De aru is a formal way used to express that someone is explaining something and makes it a neutral, official-sounding statement.

It’s not entirely clear to me how she knows that this is a quirk marriage, though. Did Endeavor just tell her? Did he tell her father? Does she just know?

It still leaves me baffled how some people read this sentence and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t a forced marriage just because she agreed to it. I’m actually kind of sensing a pattern here: first, we learn that Rei agreed to have more children, so people claimed she wanted to have all these kids with him. Now, she apparently wanted to marry him out of her own will. I cannot stress this enough, but please please understand that if you do something “for the sake of your family” or generally for the sake of someone else, it doesn’t mean you actually want it yourself. If you live your life basing your decisions on what makes the people around you happy, you will not be happy. It’s one thing to be selfless, but another to never live for your own sake.

The only reason Endeavor decided to have a wife, specifically Rei, was for his own selfish goals. And the only reason Rei agreed, despite knowing she was being heavily objectified and reduced to her quirk here, was to please her family. However, this in no way indicates what her true feelings are. 

「。。。花が好きか」

「花 ; hana 」-> flowers

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「好き ; suki 」-> to like

「か ; ka 」-> question marker particle

= “... Do you like the flowers?”

A pretty straight-forward sentence.

「はい。とても綺麗。 」

「はい ; hai 」-> yes

「とても ; totemo 」-> very

「綺麗 ; kirei 」-> pretty; beautiful; lovely

= “Yes. They’re very pretty.”

Can I just say that she looks so sad here? There is something very lonely about her expression and the way she looks at these flowers. I’ve mentioned it before in another post, but the flowers Rei likes so much are Rindou, and the meaning of them is “I love you who is sad”, “justice”, or “sincere; faithful” - this would probably be more something to talk about in a separate meta on Rei, but I think maybe she identifies with those flowers in a way? She doesn’t seem happy - and granted, who would be in her situation? Maybe her whole life has been sort of dictated by her family and about pleasing them instead of ever being truly happy. These flowers are a common theme in terms of their relationship, so it’s likely that here, she is the one who is sad and maybe she just wants to be loved despite knowing this marriage isn’t based on love. She might still be hopeful that it will turn into love eventually and for now, she just enjoys the thought that someone might love someone as sad and unhappy as her.

「強く。。。しかし触れれば溶けて消えてしまいそうな。。。」

「強く ; tsuyoku 」-> strong

「しかし ; shikashi 」-> however

「触れれば ; furereba 」-> to touch; to come in contact with (conditional form)

「溶けて ; tokete 」-> to melt

「消えて ; kiete 」-> ; to vanish

「しまい ; shimai 」-> to do something completely

「そうな ; souna 」-> it seems

= “Strong… however, she seems like she would completely melt and vanish if I touched her.”

Then… don’t. Anyway, as mentioned in other posts, a verb + shimau means either that something that was done was regrettable or that it was done completely. Shimai is the polite version of this same concept. Back to the present:

「冷。。。！おまえ。。。大丈夫。。。なのか」

「冷 ; rei 」-> Rei

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「大丈夫 ; daijoubu 」-> alright

「なのか ; nanoka 」-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

= “Rei…! You… are you alright?”

The no itself is already a question marker, but men often add ka to it to make it more ~manly~

「大丈夫じゃないよ」

「大丈夫 ; daijoubu 」-> alright

「じゃない」-> am not

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “I’m not alright!”

I’m not sure what kind of answer he expected, to be honest, but I think we can all appreciate Rei here. The official translation did a good job capturing that emphasis of yo by having her say “Okay? No, I’m not.” which bolds her statement a little more.

「だから来たの」

「だから ; dakara 」-> that’s why

「来た ; kita 」-> came; arrived

「の ; no 」-> explanatory particle

= “That’s why I came.”

Other people have already pointed out how this line is similar to All Might’s catchphrase, which is 「私が来た」 - watashi ga kita. Obviously, she doesn’t say that exact line - although that would have been absolutely hilarious to see, just imagine you see your wife after ten years of her being in a mental hospital because of you and your obsession with your rival only for her to quote your rival’s catchphrase at you? Iconic! Anyway, it still has that same feeling to it.

Another thing worth noting is how much her expression here differs from the earlier flashbacks. 

The panel of her looking at the flowers is a high-angle shot, which is used to make the subject seem inferior and looked down on. Additionally, that shot is from Endeavor’s POV, which is to give us a sense to show us how he viewed her - inferior. He is the hero and he is the one planning on using her to gain more power for himself. He made the decision to get a wife and thus initiated this whole relationship.

In this panel, though, we look at her with an eye-level shot. This is a neutral perspective, so it’s neither a superior or inferior situation, but there is still a specific atmosphere being created, usually done to make the viewer connect with the character and sort of having the character’s emotions be projected onto the viewer, especially in uncomfortable scenarios. To intensify this, we are staring directly at her. In the flashback, she is also turned to the side, so we don’t see her full face. Instead, she is avoiding eye contact and instead, is looking down at the flowers. Showing a character from the side creates a distance and makes it less clear what the character truly thinks.

But here, she is fully facing the viewers and staring directly at us. As mentioned before, this angle is meant to make you feel what the characters feel, especially when there’s an uncomfortable atmosphere. So here, when she says “That’s why I came” it’s supposed to make you uncomfortable. The “I am not alright” isn’t because her supposedly dead son turned out to be alive and a villain - she is not alright because of all the pain each of them endured for the past decade because of Endeavor. She lost ten years of her life, precious time with her kids, missed seeing them grow up, because of him. She wasn’t able to be there for them because of him. So no, she is not alright. But now she is out. And now she can finally regain some power. Power she never had in this relationship and possibly never had in her whole life. But now she is here. She is here because she feels guilty for what happened to her son, but she isn’t going to just give up. She is holding herself accountable, but she is making sure Endeavor knows he is the culprit. He is supposed to be uncomfortable and so should you (to understand that Endeavor is not the victim here) and anyone who sees that panel and thinks she is being supportive of him here? She isn’t.

I’ve seen a lot of people either claim that she is supporting Endeavor here or people say that she is being too soft on him here. While I don’t really see how this could possibly be her supporting him, I definitely do agree that Horikoshi seems to avoid wanting anyone directly pointing a finger at Endeavor, which is odd considering throughout the whole story everyone in the Todoroki family has always only ever blamed Endeavor. Dabi made it very clear in his broadcast that he wants to destroy Endeavor, Shouto always blamed Endeavor for his scar and for Rei being in the mental hospital, Natsuo can’t even have one dinner with Endeavor because he has always been neglected by him and because he blames Endeavor for what happened with Touya - rightfully so, by the way, Touya being alive doesn’t exactly change that Endeavor destroyed Touya. And given how Horikoshi writes female characters in general, it’s not really surprising that the only ones who don’t actively speak out against and blame Endeavor are the women of the family.

But while I do think that Horikoshi is toning down on that here and I don’t wanna give him too much credit, we should also keep in mind that this is the first time in ten years that Rei talks to him. Just a few months prior, when Fuyumi and Natsuo visited her, she said that she was still afraid to see him. I think it’s actually more realistic that she isn’t yelling at him or anything like that, yet is still able to at least put him in his place and remind him that this isn’t about him.

And that’s the other reason why I think it makes sense she reacts the way she does. It’s not about him, but this is also not about her. The last line of chapter 300 was saying “I’m here to talk about our family and Touya.” This isn’t about any of them individually except for Touya (more on that later). So if she gave an entire speech here about how much pain Endeavor has caused her and how he took ten years of her life away, this simply isn’t the time. Instead, she is prioritizing Touya.

Could she be a bit more clear that Endeavor is the culprit who caused them all a lot of pain and trauma? Yes, apparently she needs to say this more clearly considering how many people absolutely fail to interpret this correctly by claiming they are a happy family. But it’s not the most unrealistic way to write her here, either.

But let’s move on to Dabi and where the main criticism for the official translation comes in:

「だいぶ焼けたな。。。」

「だいぶ ; daibu 」-> considerably; greatly; a lot

「焼けた ; yaketa 」-> burned

「な ; na 」-> sentence ending particle; usually used to seek confirmation

= “Burned a lot, huh…”

Someone recently pointed out to me that Dabi’s staples might actually just be there for him to check how much his scars are spreading. And that really does seem to be the case now as he has simply moved them to the new edges of the scars. The new burns aren’t yet as intense as the rest, so I guess those aren’t skin grafts that need to be held in place, after all, but just his skin heavily burned?

As mentioned above, na gets used at the end of a statement to seek confirmation, however, it can also be used in a more rhetorical sense to make a sentence less assertive in order to simply introduce a topic in a more casual and less abrupt way.

「何も感じねぇ」

「何も ; nanimo 」-> (not) anything

「感じねぇ ; kanjinee 」-> not feeling

= “I don’t feel anything.”

The normal negation of kanjiru (to feel) is kanjinai. Changing the nai into nee is a more casual form, but it can also be used instead of nai to add more emotion/feeling to what is being said, which is kinda ironic in a sentence talking about his inability to feel anything.

Dabi generally uses both forms (nai and nee) for negation so it’s hard to say if this is just him negating a word or if this form gets used to put more emotion to it, though it’s probably a mixture of both considering he is just lying there and reflecting on the situation.

More importantly, this sentence reminded me of what he said to Shouto in chapter 292 「そうだよ焦凍。兄ちゃん何も感じなくなっちまった。」- “That’s right, Shouto. Nii-Chan has completely stopped feeling anything.”

While the line from chapter 292 is referring to his mental state, he is now talking about his physical state. So basically, Dabi is completely numb - both physically and mentally. Fun times!

「あいつは俺の親父だ。あの程度で死ねるようなタマじゃねえ。例え死にたくても立場がそれを許さない。」

「あいつ ; aitsu 」-> he; that guy

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「親父 ; oyaji 」-> dad

「だ ; da 」-> be

「あの ; ano 」-> that

「程度 ; teido 」-> degree; amount

「で ; de 」-> by; of

「死ねる ; shineru 」-> to die (potential form)

「ような ; youna 」-> like; similar to

「タマ ; tama 」-> person (when commenting on their nature); character

「じゃねえ ; janee」-> isn’t

「例え死にたくても」-> even if you want to die (例え...ても + 死にたく)

「立場 ; tachiba 」-> position; situation

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「そ��� ; sore 」-> that

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「許さない ; yurusanai 」-> doesn’t allow

= “That guy is my dad. He isn’t the kind of person to die from something of that degree. Even if he wanted to die, the situation doesn’t allow that.”

A few things to note here:

First of all, and I know this is a big shocker to us all, and it does pain me to say, but he does not say “adios” here. He really just says “want to die” and, although this is such an unimportant change it’s just really annoying to constantly see him being translated in such a weird way. Even minor changes like this one just make him sound strange. Dabi is someone who chooses his words carefully, so it really does alter people’s perception of him when he suddenly starts speaking like that. Does anyone actually talk like that?

“He isn’t the person to die from something of that degree” - Here, Dabi uses “tama” which is usually written in Kanji, but is written in Katakana here for emphasis. More importantly, though, this is a derogatory term.

Anyway, that sentence follows after the obvious statement of “That guy is my dad” - which isn’t new information to us, but this is the reason why he concludes that Endeavor hasn’t died without actually having that confirmed. He is able to tell how much damage Endeavor can take, possibly also stating here that as long as Dabi himself doesn’t die from his attack, Endeavor also wouldn’t have died. So much for his self-confidence! The “dear old dad” in the official translation yet again sounds a bit odd. It might be used to make a more clear distinction between otousan and oyaji, but much like boku and ore (male pronouns), you don’t really need to make a distinction in English because it’s just something unique to Japanese, and trying to translate it results in something like “dear old dad” which just makes the character sound weird because no one says that in English.

“The situation doesn’t allow it” - while the fan translation went for “I won’t allow it” the official translation went for “His position won’t allow it” - all of which are different statements. It’s hard to determine which of these is correct since there isn’t a pronoun used here. The reason I went for “the situation” is because it seems like he is referring to the current state the country is in. We’ve already been shown how much damage has done and the “I am not here” statue shown in the previous chapter is a good summary of that. Although it’s unlikely that Endeavor could do much to make things go back to how they used to be before the reveal, the country is still waiting for his statement, which will further impact the situation. If he died now, it would probably be the end for heroes, whereas him being alive and trying to somehow save the country could bring a little hope back to the people. So basically, the future depends on him (not really, but that’s the general idea here).

「そろそろ表に出てくる頃合いだ。」

「そろそろ ; sorosoro」-> gradually; soon

「表 ; omote 」-> surface

「に ; ni 」-> to

「出てくる ; detekuru 」-> to come out; to appear

「頃合い ; koroai 」-> suitable time; good time

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “Soon it’s a good time to come to the surface.”

Much like the rest of the country, Dabi is clearly also awaiting Endeavor’s statement to the public so he can plan his next move.

Something to note here is that these two panels use the thinking speech bubbles, so we have two different kinds of internal monologues from Dabi in this scene: interior monologue and soliloquy. Soliloquy refers to a speech given to oneself out loud, which is why this is commonly found in plays in order to show what a character is thinking since you can’t make the audience hear the character’s thoughts otherwise. 

An interior monologue gives us readers immediate access to a character’s unfiltered thoughts. Since we don’t exactly control our thoughts, we often jump from one thought to another without explaining how we got there. So when Dabi thinks “That guy is my dad.” followed by “He isn’t the kind of person to die from something of that degree.” - he doesn’t have to go into an elaborate explanation as to why the second sentence is the conclusion of his first statement because he just knows.

A soliloquy isn’t too different as the character is still their own audience. However, this style is often used to amplify a character’s thoughts, in a way signaling that they can’t keep their thoughts inside anymore so instead they just come out of the character’s mouth. Using these two styles here emphasizes the soliloquy even further. While his interior monologue is a reflection of what happened and tells us that Dabi already knew he wasn’t going to kill Endeavor back then, the soliloquy part focuses more on his actual feelings. This last part of his interior monologue, where he concludes that Endeavor will have to face the public soon, serves as a trigger of his following excitement, highlighting his obsession with making his dreams of ruining Endeavor come true.

「早く惨めな面が見てぇ楽しみだ。ここまで長かった。」

「早く ; hayaku 」-> soon; quick (adverb)

「惨めな ; mijime na 」-> miserable

「面 ; men 」-> face; mask

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「見てぇ ; mitee 」-> to see

「楽しみ ; tanoshimi 」-> anticipation; looking forward to

「だ ; da 」-> be

「ここまで ; koko made 」-> so far

「長かった ; nagakatta 」-> was long (time)

= “I’m looking forward to seeing your miserable face soon. It’s been a long time so far.”

Here we have another case of the official English translation making him talk in ways no one talks. Aside from the “pathetic mug” part, Dabi doesn’t say “damn” - considering swear words aren’t really a thing in Japanese anyway. But he’s also generally not really talking in a rude way here, it’s just a pretty straight-forward sentence. To be honest, I think the reason why certain characters (i.e. Dabi) get written like that™ is to add character and distinguish them from less casual-speaking characters? To show that this is a character that’s a bit on the rougher side? Even so, he doesn’t actually talk like that, and trying to make him sound rough in every single sentence is a bit of an overkill. I get that he’s dramatic, but that still doesn’t mean that he speaks like he never read a normal book.

To quickly bring up the soliloquy again: You can see with this sentence that this is far more subjective. “Soon it’s a good time to come to the surface” was somewhat objective as the whole country awaits Endeavor’s public statement to this situation. But “I’m looking forward to seeing your miserable face soon. It’s been a long time so far” is subjective. The public might not necessarily care about a hero being exposed. But Dabi cares because to him, this whole reveal is personal (obviously). This plan has been in the making for around ten years, whereas the rest of the country was unaware of the truth about Endeavor up until a few days ago.

「轟炎司。お母さん。冬美ちゃん。夏くん。。。。。。焦凍。」

「轟炎司 ; todoroki enji 」-> Enji Todoroki 

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「冬美ちゃん ; fuyumi chan」-> Fuyumi-Chan

「夏くん ; natsu kun」-> Natsu-Kun

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

= “Enji Todoroki. Mom. Fuyumi-Chan. Natsu-Kun….. Shouto.”

While we can’t exactly blame the official translation for not including these suffixes, the distinction with Shouto doesn’t really show in the translation at all. Endeavor is an obvious one in either version - addressing your parent by full name indicates a distance as this shows no signs of familiarity. Much like his other siblings (I will talk about this at some point in a separate post) he calls his mom okaasan, a pretty normal way to say mom. As the older sibling, he wouldn’t have to use a suffix for any of his siblings, but this can - especially in a case like this - show familiarity. Aside from the many many dots representing a small pause he makes before even naming Shouto almost like he initially forgot about him, Shouto is also the only one only being called by name without a suffix, so the distinction becomes far more pronounced. It’s obvious that Touya, Fuyumi, and Natsuo grew up together and spent a lot of time together, thus he still uses these suffixes. But Shouto is just… Shouto. There is no relationship between them and the many dots just show this distance between the two.

「俺を見てくれ地獄の底で。」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見てくれ ; mitekure 」-> please look at me

「地獄 ; jigoku 」-> hell

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「底 ; soko 」-> bottom

「で ; de 」-> in

= “Please look at me in the depths of hell.”

The kure at the end of mitekure gets used when asking a favor from someone.

The official translation yet again sounds a bit weirder with the “Take a real good look at me” when kure is more of a “Please look at me” which sounds less assertive. Anyway, Dabi is clearly trying to state that his life is hell and now they get to see it, too. At the end of the chapter, Rei says that she and Endeavor both didn’t look at him before and there are several times during the flashback where Touya says “look at me!” which is all a summary of where this whole thing went wrong: Touya was in pain, and he made it known that he needed help and that he wasn’t okay, but both his parents ignored that. And so now his broadcast forces them to look at him. Forces them to look at what happened as a result of them ignoring his pain before. It’s not just to show the civilians how their heroes aren’t all that heroic, but more importantly, it’s so that someone can see his pain. He’s not giving them a choice, either. Though people - both in bnha society and in the fandom - write Dabi off as annoying or continue to refuse to see him as a victim, it really doesn’t matter because what he has accomplished is making people experience his pain. He is damaging society just how society has damaged him. Just how his father said “you’re not good enough” it’s now Dabi’s turn to say the same thing to him and society.

Dabi is already in the depths of hell, yet so far his family didn’t know that. But now they do and now they have to face the facts.

「せっかく休みなんだから“個性”訓練付き合ってよ！！何で急にダメとか言うんだよ！！」

「せっかく ; sekkaku 」-> after all the effort

「休み ; yasumi 」-> rest; holiday

「なんだから ; nandakara 」-> so

「“個性” ; kosei 」-> quirk

「訓練 ; kunren 」-> training

「付き合って ; tsukiatte 」-> to go along with; to follow someone’s lead

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「何で ; nande 」-> why

「急に ; kyuu ni 」-> suddenly

「ダメ ; dame 」-> no good

「とか ; toka 」-> and so on; such as

「言う ; iu 」-> to say; to mean

「んだ ; nda 」-> used for emphasis when information has been shared

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “You have a day off, so come do quirk training with me after all that effort!! Why do you suddenly say things like it’s no good!!”

Sekkaku doesn’t have a direct translation, but here it emphasizes that an opportunity has come up (Endeavor having a day off), which would be a shame to waste by not spending it with training. The nanda in nandakara is a preliminary remark, which can be used to get the listener’s attention to the conclusion that follows after. Again, these are nuances that you can’t necessarily translate. But at least little Touya talks more like a normal person than Dabi.

「何度も言ったろう。おまえの為なんだ。」

「何度も ; nando mo 」-> many times over; often

「言ったろう ; ittarou 」-> told; said

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「為 ; tame 」-> advantage; benefit

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

= “I’ve told you many times. It’s for your benefit.”

The tarou ending in ittarou is used to add an accusatory tone to the phrase, so it shows somewhat of an impatience/annoyance here. Imagine being Touya. You always look forward to your training days with your incredible dad. And suddenly, he keeps canceling on you and just says “it’s for your own good” - kids aren’t stupid, and they know when they are treated as though they were. So it’s obviously frustrating that his dad just gives him weak excuses instead of being honest with him. And it’s not like Endeavor is seeking an actual way to help Touya. All he does is go to the doctor, gets told that Touya’s body and quirk don’t match, and then his solution is to stop training him. It’s one thing to be a concerned parent and keep your child away from harm, but it’s more important to think about how you keep them from harm and whether or not you ensure that they know that failing doesn’t mean that they are a failure. Problem is, Endeavor can’t tell him he’s not a failure since Touya is a failed project so he does, in fact, see him as a failure.

If you take a quick look at Touya, you can see his hair is only now starting to get a few white spots. It’s difficult to determine the exact timeline of things, but it’s obvious that this takes place only shortly after his hair first started turning white, which means that Endeavor went to the doctor pretty quickly. And yes, he says this is for Touya’s sake but remind me again why Touya is born? Oh right, for Endeavor’s sake! Anyway, moving on to the doctor’s office:

「珍しい例ですね。。。炎の個性因子はより色濃く引き継がれているのですが。肉体はお母さんの方を強く引き継いでしまってるんです」

「珍しい ; mezurashii 」-> rare

「例 ; rei 」-> instance; case

「です ; desu 」-> to be

「ね ; ne 」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

「炎 ; honou 」-> flame

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「個性 ; kosei 」-> quirk

「因子 ; inshi 」-> factor

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「より ; yori 」-> than

「色濃く ; irokoku 」-> strongly tending to

「引き継がれている ; hikitsugareteiru 」-> inheriting (present progressive passive form)

「のです ; no desu 」-> explanatory particle

「が ; ga 」-> but

「肉体 ; nikutai 」-> the body; the flesh

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「お母さん ; okaasan 」-> mom

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「方 ; hou 」-> type

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「強く ; tsuyoku 」-> strong (adverb)

「引き継いでしまってるん ; hikitsuide shimatterun 」-> completely inheriting

「です ; desu 」-> to be

= “A rare case, isn’t it? The flame quirk factor is more strongly inherited, but the body is strongly and completely inherited from the mother’s type.”

In the last part, we once again have the verb + shimau constellation, which always either indicates that something happened regrettable or completely. In a way, both meanings apply here since Touya’s body fully takes after Rei’s constitution, but this is also obviously regrettable since it’s a waste of his strong fire quirk. In the official translation, he just says “he takes after his mother physically” which doesn’t really carry either nuance.

「つまり。。。炎への体制よりも氷結。。。寒さに適性のある身体なんです。」

「つまり ; tsumari 」-> that is to say; in other words

「炎 ; honou 」-> flame

「への ; e no 」-> particle that describes the word that follows using the direction towards the word that comes before

「体制 ; taisei 」-> order ; system

「よりも ; yorimo 」-> in comparison to; rather than

「氷結 ; hyouketsu 」-> freezing; freezing over

「寒さ ; samusa 」-> coldness

「に ; ni 」-> for (purpose)

「適性 ; tekisei 」-> aptitude; suitability

「のある ; no aru 」-> there is

「身体 ; karada 」-> body

「なんです ; nandesu 」-> explanatory particle

= “In other words, it’s a body with an aptitude for the cold rather than being a system to the flames.”

Considering all the support items the heroes have, I feel like they could have found a solution to this. Dabi’s current coat helps cool him down, so why did Endeavor not think of something like that?

「まア。。。デザインじみたことはね。。。この“個性”時代禁忌なんで。。。やめといた方が。。。 」

「まア ; maa 」-> well

「デザイン ; dezain 」-> design

「じみた ; jimita 」-> like

「こと ; koto 」-> thing

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「ね ; ne 」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

「この ; kono 」-> this

「“個性” ; kosei 」-> quirk

「時代 ; jidai 」-> period

「禁忌 ; kinki 」-> taboo

「なんで ; nande 」-> because

「やめ ; yame 」-> to stop

「といた ; to ita」-> to do something in advance (contraction of te oita)

「方が ; hou ga 」-> should; it’d be better to (used to give advice)

= “Well… design-like things, huh… because this taboo of the “quirk” period… It’d be better to stop in advance.”

I feel like a normal doctor should maybe inform someone that this Top Hero is having a little eugenics project on the side. Maybe also call Child Protective Services. But since we’re all assuming this doctor is Dr. Ujiko, it’s not exactly surprising that he left it at “giving advice” which he is just as good at as Endeavor. Those two would truly get along well.

「なんと今日は６２もの市町村を救いました！オールマイトがいる限り我々が悪に屈する事は決してないでしょう！！」

「なんと ; nanto 」-> what…!; surprisingly; believe it or not

「今日 ; kyou 」-> today

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「６２ ; 62 」-> 62 

「も ; mo 」-> emphasizes the number

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「市町村 ; shichouson 」-> cities, towns and villages

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「救いました ; sukuimashita 」-> saved

「オールマイト ; oorumaito 」-> All Might

「がいる ; ga iru 」-> there is

「限り ; kiri 」-> as long as

「我々 ; wareware 」-> we

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「悪 ; aku 」-> evil

「に ; ni 」-> to

「屈する ; kussuru 」-> to yield; to give in

「事 ; koto」-> nominalizes the verb it attaches to

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「決してない ; kesshitenai 」-> never; by no means

「でしょう ; deshou 」-> used to express certainty

= “What! Today, 62 cities, towns, and villages were saved! We will certainly never give in to evil as long as All Might is there!”

The mo after the 62 implies that 62 is a large number and granted, that is a lot of places to save in one day. 

「燈矢。おまえならオールマイトを超えられる。」

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「なら ; nara 」-> on the topic of; if

「オールマイト ; oorumaito 」-> All Might

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「超えられる ; koerareru 」-> to surpass (potential)

= “Touya. You can surpass All Might.”

Let’s move on to some sibling interaction, though:

「冬美ちゃん。ちょっと火傷するくらいなのにさ！全然がまんできるのにさ！」

「冬美ちゃん ; fuyumi chan」-> Fuyumi

「ちょっと ; chotto 」-> a little

「火傷する ; yakedo suru」-> to burn

「くらい ; kurai 」-> used to describe a state, situation

「なのに ; nanoni 」-> even though; although

「さ ; sa 」-> emphasis particle

「全然 ; zen zen 」-> entirely; completely

「がまん ; gaman 」-> bearing (something)

「できる ; dekiru 」-> be able to

「のに ; noni 」-> used when complaining to someone

「さ ; sa 」-> emphasis particle; also used to let out emotions

= “Fuyumi-Chan. I only burn a little! I am able to endure it!”

Noni is something that roughly translates to even though, and usually gets followed with a second part of the phrase, but that follow-up part can be left out when you can understand it from context. So in that first part, he’s basically saying “Even though I got burned a little, I can still do this so he shouldn’t stop training me!” The second noni is used as a way to complain about the situation (= “Even though I am completely able to endure it, I get treated like I’m weak.”)

「俺の身体のことは俺が一番よくわかってるんだ。」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「身体 ; karada 」-> body

「のことは」-> nominalizes the preceding phrase

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「一番 ; ichiban 」-> the most

「よく ; yoku 」-> good (adverb)

「わかってるん ; wakatterun 」-> to understand; to know

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “I am the one that knows my body the best.”

We don’t know how fast his hair color was changing, but this is probably a few months after his hair first began to turn white. So at this point, Endeavor already knows that Touya’s body and quirk aren’t compatible yet still hasn’t bothered to come up with a solution. Instead, Touya keeps training. It’s odd that no one seems to try and properly stop him and make him understand that training isn’t good for him.

「でも冬美も燈矢兄ボロボロなの心配嫌っ。」

「でも ; demo 」-> but

「冬美 ; fuyumi」-> Fuyumi

「も ; mo 」-> also

「燈矢兄 ; touya-nii 」-> Touya-Nii

「ボロボロ ; boroboro 」-> worn-out (physically); tattered

「なの ; nano 」-> this particle functions as a substitute for a noun (= his body)

「心配 ; shinpai 」-> worry

「嫌っ ; yaa 」-> casual no

= “But Fuyumi also doesn’t [want to] worry about Touya-Nii [being] tattered.”

Me too, Fuyumi, me too.

「冬美ちゃんにはわかんねーよ！女の子にはわかんねンだ！」

「冬美ちゃん ; fuyumi chan」-> Fuyumi-Chan

「には ; niwa 」-> as for

「わかんねー」-> doesn’t understand

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「女の子」->

「には ; niwa 」-> as for

「わかんね」-> doesn’t understand

「ンだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

= “Fuyumi doesn’t understand! Girls don’t understand!”

The n in nda is written in Katakana, once again for emphasis.

Also he looks so adorable the way he is marching out of the room there. Tiny Touya.

Still can’t believe some people in this fandom apparently were never (around) kids and somehow drew the conclusion that Touya is sexist. What a great takeaway from this entire chapter! Anyway, that’s just how kids talk - and definitely something brothers say to their sisters - but I’m pretty sure if he tried to say something like that now Fuyumi wouldn’t let him get away with it. But she’s like 2 (?) here, so not like she cares. Oh and… if you think “a girl wouldn’t get it” is sexist, then wouldn’t you also have that same energy in regards to a man solely getting a wife to use her as a baby-maker-machine, and then after putting her into a mental hospital proceeding to turn his only daughter (who was only created as emotional support person for her older brother) into a replacement for the mom? Yeah, I’m really surprised little Touya would say something that could be considered sexist...

「心配ちてんのに！！ 」

「心配ちてん ; shinpai chiten 」-> worrying

「のに ; noni 」-> used when complaining to someone

= “I’m worrying!!”

Here, little Fuyumi-Chan is basically complaining that Touya-Nii is mad and says she doesn’t understand, even though she is just worried about him. Everybody say “Thank you, Fuyumi!” for caring about Touya. Now, moving on to the actual sad panel:

「俺はもう「超えたい」って思ってるんだ！火をつけたのはお父さんだ！」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「もう ; mou 」-> already

「超えたい ; koetai 」-> want to surpass

「って思ってるん ; tte omotterun 」-> thinking

「だ ; da 」-> be

「火をつけた ; hi o tsuketa 」-> ignited

「のは ; no wa」->

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “I’m already thinking ‘I want to surpass him’! Dad is the one that ignited that flame in me!”

He is crying! Already! He acted tougher before walking away, but now that he is facing away from Fuyumi, the tears start rolling in a very defensive way. It’s basically him knowing that he can’t live up to his father’s expectations, but this is what he wants. He “wants” to surpass All Might, but it’s Endeavor who ignited that fire in him. Kids oftentimes have one parent they are closer to and sometimes even look up to. For Touya, that’s obviously Endeavor. He wants to make his father proud and wants to be what his father wants him to be.

Clearly, he’s always been very smart and also very self-aware. He’s always known his limits, but also back then refused to admit to it because he still had hope that he would somehow be able to be this incredible hero, despite his limitations. He wasn’t willing to just give up back then, and even now in the present time, he doesn’t give up. He can’t just let go and move on with his life, because no one ever told him that was an acceptable option. Not performing well meant his father loved him less. That’s why he never gave up because a child naturally craves their parents’ attention and love, even if it isn’t a healthy love. So who would give up something if that would result in not being loved anymore?

「それは。。。あんまりだよ。。。！残酷じゃない！あなたが子どもに何を求めてるか燈矢はもう知ってる！」

「それ ; sore 」-> that

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「あんまり ; anmari 」-> too much

「だ ; da 」-> be

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「残酷 ; zankoku 」-> cruel

「じゃない ; janai 」-> used to express emotion; when you want to accuse someone

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「子ども ; kodomo 」-> child

「に ; ni 」-> for

「何 ; nani 」-> what

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「求めてる ; motometeru 」-> searching for; seeking

「か ; ka 」-> represents the intention of a question

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「もう ; mou 」-> already

「知ってる ; shitteru 」-> to know

= “That is… too much…! It’s cruel! Touya already knows what you want children for!”

A difference I noticed between the original version and the official English translation is that in the official translation Rei says “That would be too cruel!” whereas in the original version she says “That is cruel!” accompanied by janai which is used when you want to accuse someone. The “would” seems a bit more like Endeavor merely suggested something, but it’s still undecided. In reality, he’s not asking for her permission. It’s not about what Rei wants, yet she is still trying to make him come back to his senses and realize what effects his actions have on Touya.

「どれだけ言っても。。。毎日新しい火傷をつくってくる。。。」

「どれだけ ; dore dake 」-> how much

「言っても ; ittemo 」-> although I say

「毎日 ; mainichi 」-> every day

「新しい ; atarashii 」-> new

「火傷 ; yakedo 」-> burn

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「つくってくる ; tsukuttekuru」-> continue to get (つくる + てくる)

= “Despite how much I say, he continues to get new burns every day.”

Well, the earlier advice of “it’s for your own good” isn’t exactly the best way to get your child to understand why it shouldn’t do something. There probably could’ve been a bit more initiative here, you know, like getting a therapist involved. Someone, who actually understands children and knows how to handle them.

「バカなところも俺に似た。。。！諦めさせるにはそれしかない。。。燈矢には。。。超えられない 。」

「バカ ; baka 」-> idiot

「なところ ; na tokoro」-> aspect; side

「も ; mo 」-> also; too

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「に似た ; ni nita」-> resembled

「諦めさせる ; akirameru 」-> make someone give up

「には ; niwa 」-> as for

「それ ; sore 」-> that

「しかない ; shika nai 」-> only

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「には ; niwa 」-> as for

「超えられない ; koerarenai 」-> can’t surpass

= “He also resembles me with the idiot aspect…! That is the only way to make him give up… Touya can’t surpass him.”

Those last two panels honestly look straight out of a horror story. Is that the face of a loving family man? Apparently so!

These posts originally started out because of the bias and obviously, Dabi is still written weirdly, but I do have to point out that the official translation at least doesn’t make Endeavor sound nicer here than he actually is.

I also find it interesting how Rei is drawn here, with half her face being in a shadow, which is usually a style used to show a character’s sinister side. Here, it’s accompanied by a sweat drop, which often indicates exasperation. This might indicate the start of a turning point for her. And this turning point is something that you see over the following panels until it comes to a finale on everyone’s faces once Shouto is born:

Looking at their eyes, they all look less than fine here.

Touya just kinda stares lifelessly. As Rei stated in the previous scene, Touya already knows why he and his siblings exist. He already knew when Natsuo was born and thus, Natsuo’s existence was living proof that Touya was still not enough. Yet, he still refuses to give up and desperately tries to prove himself to his father. And then 3 ½ years later, another sibling arrives.

Rei has shading under her eye and her eyes only half-way open, indicating fatigue. Obviously, giving birth would do that, but she’s also just generally tired of this and probably began to understand how powerless she is. And Endeavor has his eyes wide-open with tiny pupils, often indicating a character’s drive (not in a good way). He knows this is the one.

「お父さん。俺も超えられるよ。ほら。。。こんなに強い炎が出せるようになったんだ 。俺のこと見てよ。 」

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「も ; mo 」-> too

「超えられる ; koerareru 」-> can surpass

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「ほら ; hora 」-> look!, hey!

「こんなに ; konna ni」-> such

「強い ; tsuyoi 」-> strong

「炎 ; honou 」-> flame

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「出せる ; daseru 」-> can produce; start (a fire)

「ようになったん ; you ni nattan 」-> have reached the point that

「だ ; da 」-> be

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「のこと ; no koto 」-> about

「見て ; mite 」-> look 

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “Dad. I can also surpass him. Look… I have reached the point that I can produce such strong flames. Look at me!”

Based on this scene we can conclude that Touya kept training on his own. Endeavor knows about this, yet never bothered to actually stop him from going out to train (just saying “don’t do this” isn’t enough).

You can just see the desperation on his face, completely ignoring the tears running down his face. He is already at a point here where his feelings start to be tuned out. The only thing that’s on his mind is his goal of proving himself as the worthy successor.

「ダメだ！何故わからん！そこまでの火傷を負って何故わからないんだ！！」

「ダメ ; dame 」-> no good

「だ ; da 」-> be

「何故 ; naze 」-> why

「わからん ; wakaran 」-> don’t understand

「そこまで ; sokomade 」-> that far

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「火傷 ; yakedo 」-> burn

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「負って ; otte 」-> receive (wound); injured

「何故 ; naze 」-> why

「わからない ; wakaranai 」-> don’t understand

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

= “No good! I don’t understand why! You get so many burns and still don’t understand!!”

Again, not a great way to get your kid to understand anything. Yelling isn’t helping, either! Neither is telling them you don’t understand why they don’t understand.

「燈矢。。。！！おまえは外を見ろ。冬美や夏雄と遊べ！！学校で友達をつくれ！ヒーロー以外にも。。。沢山の世界がある。。。わかるだろう！」

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「外 ; soto 」-> outside

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見ろ ; miro 」-> look (imperative)

「冬美 ; fuyumi」-> Fuyumi

「や ; ya 」-> and

「夏雄 ; natsuo」-> Natsuo

「と ; to 」-> with

「遊べ ; asobe 」-> play (imperative)

「学校 ; gakkou 」-> school

「で ; de 」-> at

「友達 ; tomodachi 」-> friends

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「つくれ ; tsukure 」-> to make (imperative)

「ヒーロー ; hiro 」-> hero

「以外 ; igai 」-> excepting; with the exception of

「にも ; nimo 」-> as well

「沢山 ; takusan 」-> plenty; enough; a large number

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「世界 ; sekai 」-> world

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「ある ; aru 」-> be

「わかる ; wakaru 」-> to understand

「だろう ; darou 」-> don’t you agree

= “Touya…!! Look outside! Play with Fuyumi and Natsuo!! Make friends at school! There are other things than heroes… there are many worlds… you understand that, don’t you!”

The darou at the end here is a little assertive, like saying “This is how I see it and you should agree!” which is captured in the official translation by him saying “I know you understand” - which is a funny phrasing since Touya obviously doesn’t understand.

I get that being a hero is often reduced to just being about fighting, but how is this man so incapable of understanding his own child? He knows Touya goes out training regularly - and has been for years - and keeps coming home with burns and even after all this time Touya still doesn’t listen to him, and yet his incredible advice here is “Go get some friends!” Is that… helpful to anyone? No wonder he never got to the Number One position if that’s how he tries to save people.

There’s actually a chapter in the School Briefs light novels (no spoilers) that brings up this topic too: What kind of hero are you if you can’t even save your own family?

And we’re not talking about Touya being held at gunpoint or something; we’re talking about years and years of this child’s mental and physical health decreasing, very obviously so, and it’s not getting any better.

Touya doesn’t do this because he’s jealous because he already did all of this before any of his competitors (= Natsuo and Shouto) were born. He’s doing this because he is a child and like any other child out there just wants his parents’ love and attention, which is literally the parents’ whole job. Endeavor failed both as a father and a hero.

「そうしていく内に忘れる。」

「そうしていく ; soushiteiku 」-> continue to do so (そうする + ていく)

「内に ; uchi ni 」-> while

「忘れる ; wasureru 」-> to forget about it

= “While you continue to do so, you’ll forget about it.”

I don’t even know if he thinks this is good advice? Surely, no one could think this would be helpful here, right…?

「学校の子は皆ヒーローになるってさ。。。！。。。わかるはずないだろ。。。！」

「学校 ; gakkou 」-> school

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「子 ; ko 」-> kids

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「皆 ; minna 」-> everyone

「ヒーロー ; hiro 」-> hero

「になる ; ni naru 」-> to become

「って ; tte 」-> quotation marker

「さ ; sa 」-> emphasis particle

「わかる ; wakaru 」-> to understand

「はずない ; hazu nai 」-> cannot be 

「だろ ; daro 」-> right; I think

= “The kids at school all say they’ll become heroes…! I cannot understand, right?”

Hazu nai is used to strongly emphasize that something cannot be. In this case, Touya cannot possibly understand that concept of just letting go because this is his whole identity and you can’t just toss your whole identity away, especially when that identity is necessary in order to get your parents’ attention and love.

「俺はお父さんの子どもなんだから」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「子ども ; kodomo 」-> child

「なんだから ; nandakara 」-> because; after all

= “After all, I am your child.”

Nandakara has an important nuance that’s worth talking about it. It’s used to give an explanation or emphasize something that both the listener and speaker know and expresses a strong emotion that the speaker feels and that the listener doesn’t fully appreciate. Apparently, some people had an issue with the official translation here and claiming it sounded too accusatory. Anyway, this child has every right to accuse his father of expecting him to just give up on his attempt at reaching his goal when Endeavor got married and had four kids because he wasn’t immediately handed the Number One position. That sure is ironic and sad that little Touya understands this so well, too.

「冷やさなきゃ」

「冷やさなきゃ; hiyasanakya 」-> must cool; must calm down; must cool off (冷やす + なきゃ)

= “We must cool him off!”

This is a pun that also works in English! While the word hiyasu can mean to cool off in the sense of calming down, it can also mean to cool (from room temperature); to refrigerate. And both meanings are applicable here since Touya is having a breakdown and needs to be calmed down mentally, but he also seems to be sweating almost like his quirk is building up inside of him and about to boil over, which it then does as he tries to attack Shouto, so he also needs to be physically cooled down.

「お父さんが火をつけたんだ。。。！消えないんだよ。。。！！なかったことになんて。。。できないんだよ！」

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「火をつけた ; hi wo tsuketa 」-> ignited

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「消えない ; kienai 」-> won’t go out

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

「なかったことに ; nakatta koto ni 」-> to forget something ever existed; to pretend something didn’t happen

「なんて ; nante 」-> something like

「できない ; dekinai 」-> can’t

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

「よ ; yo 」-> emphasis particle

= “Dad ignited that fire in me…! It won’t go out…!! I can’t just pretend something like that never existed, you know!”

「俺を見てろよ。。。！！エンデヴァー　俺を見てろよ！！！」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見てろよ ; mitero yo」-> just you wait and see (as a threat)

「エンデヴァー ; endevaa 」-> Endeavor

「俺 ; ore 」-> I 

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見てろよ ; mitero yo」-> just you wait and see (as a threat)

= “Just look at me…!! Endeavor, just look at me!!!”

So mitero yo is an expression meaning “just you wait and see” and it consists of the imperative form on miteru (= you must be looking) and the yo emphasizes this more. “Just you wait and see” obviously sounds far more threatening (because it is) and also kind of makes sense when considering where they are now in the present time. Now - fifteen years or so later - Endeavor sees him. This goes back to the earlier part where Dabi said “Watch me from the depths of hell” - it’s a different form (in that part he says mitekure, while here he says mitero yo) but he’s always telling his family to look at him. Because, at the end of the day, that’s where it all went wrong. No one ever truly saw him and his pain until one day, he broke. What exactly is a child supposed to do? Endeavor has gotten away with not looking for too long, but Dabi won’t let him go on like that anymore.

And notice how he says the same line twice here? And in the middle he says “Endeavor” - for the first time, he addresses him by his hero name instead of calling him dad. This is because he isn’t just asking his father to look at him, but he’s also threatening Endeavor. I think this might actually hint that he’s already having thoughts of turning into a villain? Maybe he already thought about what it would be like to just turn himself into a villain and refuse Endeavor from reaching his goals just as Endeavor has refused Touya from reaching his goals. Whether he actively thought about this or whether that was more of a subconscious feeling is hard to say but it’s clear that at that point he already viewed Endeavor, the hero, as the bad guy that took his father away from him. If it wasn’t for Endeavor, the hero, then Touya wouldn’t have to prove his worth to his father by having a strong quirk.

「一番辛いのはあなたじゃないし。あの子を見なかったのはあなただけじゃない。」

「一番 ; ichiban 」-> the most; number one

「辛い ; tsurai 」-> painful; difficult (emotionally)

「のは ; no wa」-> nominalizer + topic marker

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「じゃない ; janai 」-> aren’t

「し ; shi 」-> emphasizes the point you make

「あの ; ano 」-> that

「子 ; ko 」-> child

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「見なかった ; minakatta 」-> didn’t look

「のは ; no wa」-> nominalizer + topic marker

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「だけ ; dake 」-> only

「じゃない ; janai 」-> aren’t

= “You are not the one with the most pain. You aren’t the only one that didn’t look at that child.”

This is another line where some people claimed the official translation made Rei sound harsher than she actually is. But I don’t think she’s even being harsh here? She’s just stating a fact. And just compare the two of them real quick: Rei just got out of the mental hospital she stayed in for ten years and upon finding out what really happened with Touya, immediately took responsibility and decided to do something. Endeavor, on the other hand, is crying in his hospital bed because suddenly he regrets that he failed as a parent for over twenty years. I don’t think she’s being harsh by telling him that he isn’t the one who is hurting the most when that’s just a fact. And the “you don’t get to claim” phrasing of the official translation isn’t really harsh, it’s just being direct. But Endeavor is a grown man and with all the pain he has caused his family, I think he can deal with not being handled like some fragile little thing.

What I find interesting about this line is that it’s essentially a continuation to what she said in the last chapter when she stated that “Everyone else is having those feelings a lot more than you” Now, she is adding to that because not only has the rest of the family suffered a lot more than Endeavor, but one person in particular - Touya - is currently in the most amount of pain out of any of them. Endeavor’s self-pity and regrets have no space here because Touya is the actual victim here, and not Endeavor for having been exposed for something he chose to do for over two decades.

They both never looked at that child, but now it’s time to change that and finally start looking at him.

There weren’t really a lot of changes in the translation - aside from our now Spanish-speaking amigo, Dabi - but there’s still a lot to talk about, as you can see by this very very long post. So if you read all of this, thank you! And also congrats for making it through! There’s always nuance that just doesn’t translate but is still important to mention and gives a better insight into the characters. This chapter was just the first part so chapter 302 will surely give us some more clarity, possibly even finally revealing what actually happened on the day Touya supposedly died. So now let’s see what the next chapter will bring. 

Adios~

[thedeviljudges]

the devil judge + the seven deadly sins

so, i made a gifset about who i thought falls under the seven deadly sins. and also shameless plug - please go reblog the gifset i made for this. took me ages to do.

but i figured i might as well make a meta post to correlate. so this is that post. it’s not everything i could discuss. i could be here for hours more, truth be told. but i hope it’s enough to chew on.

while i feel like a lot of these are going to be a no-brainer, i still want to talk it through because idk. i can, and i want to, and i feel like it, lmao.

gluttony

the elite are privileged and have an opportunity to indulge so much more than the general public, but in many different ways. this is shown throughout the show in the fact that they can indulge on luxury food, have political power, they can make a phone call or snap their fingers and everyone must follow their orders.

and the thing about gluttony is that there is always more to be had. you take a little and then realize it’s not enough and so you ask for more. case in point: in episode 11 when sunah suggests that yohan could be the new president, the current one gives her an alternative: dictatorship. because it wasn’t just enough for him to be an actor and the presiding president.

you’ll also know they turn in on themselves - the two other guys in the elite group. one who owns the company and the other dude - i really cannot remember their names and what they do, but y’all know who i’m talking about. it was so easy for them, when threatened, to fabricate documents to give to yohan about each other in order to get ahead. gluttony is only shared in the relationships we have until one realizes they can take a little extra of the pie. it’s the selfishness of having all the leftovers. gluttony cannot necessarily exist without someone else’s sacrifice.

lust

i kind of had an ah-ah moment when i was talking this over with @technitango​. i was trying to decide who was going to be lust because lust is portrayed very, very differently in this show than what most of us are used to. we, of course, know sunah who lusts after a life of indulgence and riches because she equates that with respect more than actually wanting it because it’s monetarily worth something.

but then i realized the public is lust because of their need for justice. i won’t say revenge necessarily because they’re doing as they’re told when given the judge show. but we can quickly see how that evaporates into something akin to bloodlust, for criminals and people who normally get away with shit, to have their fair taste at conviction for their misdeeds. we even see it with yohan’s fanboy club - the lust that comes from adoration and dedication.

and even more so, the public is easily swayed and so is the nature of lust. it follows in the vein of needs and wants, and as soon as new information is presented, however may false, so does the wants and desires of what people want sway. how easy was it for them to turn on yohan for a split second on two occasions - on two accounts of bribery.

envy

envy, above all, is about wanting what others have because you do not have it yourself. it may not be exactly what they have, but a form of it. some people don’t necessarily want money - they want what it can by, which is time, health and material goods.

sunah is the perfect example of this. she envies respect and recognition. she talks about bright and shiny objects, and that’s true to her kleptomania tendences, but more than anything, she wants to be seen as an equal because being poor with a vastly different upbringing means she’s looked down upon by those she thinks matters.

which also begs the question why she feels the need to seek validation from people in higher statuses to begin with when she can be the exception and not the rule - form her own understanding and environment to show others that the typical way of the elite is not actually all it’s cracked up to be - to which we see when she has no one to celebrate her victory with. it’s lonely being at the top. you get to your goal you thought you wanted but then what?

more importantly, sunah also envies family, relationships and simply put, human interaction. she wants to be cared for and treasured, and she looks for that in her position of power. because then all eyes are on you. because then that’s what people care about. what she fails to see is that those eyes are just as fruitless and just as wavering. to be a leader means people loving the idea of you but not you as a person.

“people of envious nature are sometimes stimulated to seek to emulate those who have completed some great achievements and in doing so achieve something great for themselves,” according to Understanding Philosophy.

wrath

while i realize that gaon not might entirely fit the wrath trope, he certainly has his moments, and i think he’s lived with a tampered flame since his parent’s death. he just learned to briefly put it out in the form of distractions and a false sense of righteousness and justice. it isn’t until he meets yohan that someone finally gives him the okay to feel the entirety of his emotions, that lets him breath and tells him it’s okay to feel anger and hurt. and while gaon ultimately chooses not to exact revenge, his wrath is what led him to becoming a judge and walking away from his teenage crimality.

gaon transposed his wrath into seeking justice, transformed it into livelihood, and reformed his narrative so that he was no longer angry and a teen with rash emotions. it was simply redirected and never really forgotten. yohan turned that redirection back around onto gaon’s ultimate heartache. fueled with that, it became easier to justify himself and his actions.

the most pivotal moment of turning his back on this mindset is, of course, the minister’s suicide, where he takes a good look at himself and doesn’t like what he sees. at this point, gaon’s upset isn’t necessarily at yohan but at the situation in which they got themselves into. because the thing is, gaon doesn’t absolve himself from what they did. he doesn’t turn a blind eye to that and try to dismiss it. he owns up to what happened and confesses how he feels to yohan and how he has to leave for his own good, and in some indirect way, for yohan’s, too.

with yohan, his ultimately weakness, despite never admitting to it, is family. his wrath comes in the form of anger when the ones he loves are threatened. yohan lives by a moral code of loyalty because that means you won’t be abandoned, and as a child who lived with that verdict since the day he was born, it’s an ever-pressing theme of his.

thing is, wrath comes in two particular forms for yohan. again, one is family and the second is the rose-colored glasses he’s given himself in his revenge story. he’s always had a goal to presumably make right the wrong for taking away isaac, but within that, 10 years is a long time to plot revenge, to the point where it becomes so much easier to lose yourself to that, to become enraged with it and forget the initial goal all along. we see this in his inability to form the bonding moments needed with his niece and his casual throwaway comments over people’s lives - the comment he made to gaon about moving on to the next plan, and the ultimately nail in the coffin of pushing gaon to leaving him.

his fury has also led him to convince himself his own humanity is nothing short of a lie. therefore, it’s easier to justify the means to an end because of his own self-worth and self-deprecation. it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy: he even admitted to gaon’s mentor that he is an abyss. he’s referred to himself as nothing but an animal or a monster - all characteristics of despondency to survive and to justify what he’s doing. sort of like a catch 22, yohan claims he’s an animal/monster and behaves as such, but because he behaves as such, it means he’s an animal/monster.

wrath for gaon and yohan are very different yet the same. they are slow-burning, and that’s a dangerous type. it’s actually interesting when you think about the fire imagery surrounding the two of them because flames are quick to lap at anything in its wake, to destroy within a matter of minutes. and yet for the two of these men, their internal fire eats them from the inside out, painfully, until they’re almost unrecognizable to others and to themselves.

sloth

sloth was a little more difficult to pinpoint because of its characteristics. it was either the minister versus the mentor, both of which i think could work in this role. however, i chose the minister simply because she’s featured more and intertwines heavily with the plot line.

soth is a medieval translation of the Latin term acedia, meaning “without care.”

the ultimate characteristic of sloth is often identified as laziness, and while it’s easy to argue that the minister hasn’t been lazy in her ability to get where she is, she became as much when she started lying to get to her position. isn’t lying known as the easier way out? it absolves you of responsibility, of putting in the hard work, of apologizing and making things right. in the end, she had a goal and found the easiest solution to get there through her lack of responsibility for the roles she more than likely swore an oath to.

but that also translates into the other attributes of sloth: a failure to do the right thing, lack of emotions for people or of the self, and the fact that it “hinders man in his righteous undertakings and thus becomes a terrible source of man’s undoing” according to The Seven Deadly Sins: Society and Evil.

while i think there are a lot of components of sloth that may not necessarily fit the minister, the apathy and carelessness are enough to showcase her aggression, despondency and restlessness when what little efforts she does put in do not go her way. another interesting thing to note is that many of sloth’s traits correspond with symptoms of mental illness, such as depression and anxiety. it’s an interesting thing to note given the way the minister chooses to end her life.

greed

i don’t know that jinjoo would’ve had any provocation to the limelight if it wasn’t for sunah’s direction, but she’s eager to please and wants to be useful. it’s only natural for her to want more because it’s clear she’s a career woman, loves her job and has a heart for serving the people.

but like gluttony, greed is also that little thing that plants itself and can take on a life of its own. you start looking for justifications as to why you can’t have more than what you do, and in jinjoo’s situation, she’s already overlooked through no fault of her own. and it’s not that gaon and yohan are doing it purposefully, which is what makes their neglect heartbreaking, because truthfully, they’re after the same thing jinoo is. sure, it looks different and the foundation of it is different, same with their motives. but they’re all three judges on a residing bench working to exact justice - even if all three of them have their own personal agenda. 

i don’t think jinoo fully aligns with greed, but she does want more for herself, and i think that’s only natural. you can tell she has a heart, and she’s keen not to be overlooked. this isn’t her pain point so much as it is she knows her worth and is more than ready to do what it takes to get where she wants. this, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily a bad trait, but we can see how it leads to being deceived, especially for someone who’s been left in the dark for so long.

she is enticed by the glitz and the glamour of being a head judge, but you can tell she feels some remorse and guilt for those thoughts at times. i think her sense of greed is a battle within herself more than it is extremely outwardly.

pride

soohyun’s pride comes in the form of her imbalance with right and wrong. her sense of righteousness and justice is so far leaning, even more than gaon’s. it can be chalked up to her being a cop, but we’ve seen instances of this outside of her role within that agency. her pride doesn’t let her see beyond saving gaon and getting to the bottom of every mystery that comes her way.

it also comes in the form of impulsiveness and her savior complex, putting elijah in danger, for example, instead of waiting for backup. it’s not necessarily from a belief that she can fix things all on her own, but she sees injustice and immediately jumps in. another case in point is her and gaon watching yohan wreck the minister’s son’s car. she’s ready to go stop him, but gaon pulls her back, most likely because at that point, they hadn’t been observing the situation for very long to get a read on it. also the fact that at that point, neither of them truly knew yohan and his capabilities.

but as to where her characteristics come from, we simply don’t know beyond that of gaon. it’s unfortunate because we don’t have much of her backstory, so there is no real understanding why she so firmly believes in entities of regulation beyond keeping her friend out of jail. she prides herself on her work and what she’s able to accomplish, which is why it’s devastating to her to have to protect gaon by cleaning up his bloody handprint.

aristotle is of the belief that, “pride, then, seems to be a sort of crown of the virtues; for it makes them greater, and it is not found without them. Therefore it is hard to be truly proud; for it is impossible without nobility and goodness of character,” from Nicomachean Ethics.

but pride for soohyun isn’t about honors or rewards. it’s for herself and her capabilities, her ability to protect gaon, and the virtues she’s set as the precedent for herself. because sometimes it’s not even about establishing morals and ethics upon yourself. it’s about feelings/intuition, logic and observation. and no, i don’t mean the feelings she has for gaon. there are things that humans do, both actions and words, that we inherently know are bad without someone telling us as much and without the rules of the world seared into our brains. there are some things we know, for a fact, are wrong to us as individuals.

for soohyun, she knows that gaon’s actions, and even her own, have consequences. from what we’ve seen, i think it can be argued that it’s really about not doing those actions to prevent an outcome - not necessarily from a place of being just and right. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand good morals/ethics, but again, we have no background of what her internal guidance actually is.

to put this in layman’s terms, we’ll use gaon wanting to stab the conman in his youth. soohyun knows it’s wrong because it will incriminate gaon and therefore she stops it. gaon’s gone to her because he sees her as a moral compass. but is her own internal navigation rooted in justice the way gaon had to find it in the judicial system, or is hers rooted in her pride of keeping gaon safe? she stops him from doing things that will get him in trouble, but is she stopping him because the action itself is wrong or because the outcome will result in undesirable consequences for the two of them?

and of course, there is a flipped argument to be had there - i’m not arguing that gaon stabbing the conman would be right or justified. but what i am saying is that for her, her worldview is the only right one, and when anyone steps out of that, even gaon, it becomes a bit of an issue: the pride she has for that is palpable.

every character indulges

truthfully, every character has at least one form of these sins rooted in their characterization. some are larger than others, but the breadth of it can be explored even further for each. and that’s what makes them more realistic and not just characters written on a page or following a linear progression of their writing deity.

the seven deadly sins are also notoriously rooted in religion. they’re also a defining feature of aristotle’s works that represent the golden mean, in which each vice is parallel to a virtue.

the devil judge is so layered, but i think at the heart of it, it’s about humanity at its core. sprinked in are the philosophies and contradictions and what it means to look in the mirror, what happens when we’re blind to seeing our true selves and most importantly, how much changes when we’re swayed by our own misgivings. it really asks us to understand nature versus nurture, that people must find a belief in something to keep them going, and how futile our hopes and desires can actually be if we’re not carefully regulating ourselves, nevermind the entities established by society to regulate us, too.

the entirety of the show genuinely begs the question as to who is truly right, who is truly wrong, and if it’s even possible to find the correct answer.

[giantsreach]

part of having written carver since like. 2013/14 is that i can never remember which topics i’ve posted meta on but i’m pretty sure i haven’t discussed his banter with fenris in-depth on this blog yet.

i think something that rubs me the wrong way about the way carver and fenris often interact in fan work is that there tends to be an underlying and fundamental misunderstanding about why carver approaches fenris in the manner he does. i’ve seen a lot of carver talking out of his ass to fenris for no reason other than a ) he thinks he knows better, and/or b ) his overly critical eye wants to fault-find. + he’s annoying or smth to that effect. 🙄

these interpretations tend to neglect the actual driving force behind carver interacting with fenris in the first place, and that’s that carver has had little exposure to other warriors. apart from his time in king cailin’s army, he was peerless ( literally ) in his field, and only interacted with his fellow swordspeople when they passed through town via the imperial highway. 

now, there is aveline, of course, but the writing makes it clear that aveline takes on the role of yet another older sibling ( or family of a similar, authoritative position ) in his life, and as such, doesn’t quite qualify as a peer in the traditional sense.

this likely isn’t the most flattering way of phrasing it, but carver wants friends. people who he can relate to, who share his interests and background, who find him as compelling as he finds them. carver may seem prickly or sullen in act i ( and he certainly is at times ), but he’s also experiencing two-prongs of isolation:

     1 ) cultural, as a fereldan refugee in a city-state that doesn’t try to hide its hatred of foreign asylum-seekers, and      2 ) mundane, as a displaced young man who has never quite fit in at home nor in any village they've settled in, and who has recently lost the family member closest to him, and who watches his surviving sibling pick up new companions left and right as if it’s not at all difficult.

cut to fenris, who is a consummate swordsman. and while carver is initially on edge because he's under the impression fenris could pose a threat to hawke, once the tension is dispelled, he's far from opposed to fenris's presence. if anything, carver is eager for his approval. fenris is, aside from aveline, the only warrior carver gets to spend any considerable amount of time with, and he's singular in his skill and ability. it's plain to see why someone like carver, starved for peers, would want to establish some kind of rapport with someone as exemplary as fenris.

the problem is, naturally, that carver — nineteen and having never learned to read socialize properly, due in equal parts to growing up sheltered as well as having poor self-confidence — cannot stop himself from saying shit that is so mind-blowingly stupid, that it is a wonder fenris was as forbearing as he was. i'm talking about:

Carver: So... this master of yours wants your markings back? Skin and all? Fenris: So his hunters told me. Unwillingly. Carver: So why not cover them up? Wouldn't that make you harder to find? Fenris: Let them come. I am not one to hide. Carver: Still, if it were me— Fenris: It's not. ─────── Carver: So you've really never thought of hiding from those hunters? Fenris: To what end? Carver: So you could, I don't know, have a life? Fenris: What life do you have? There are no hunters after you at all.

i feel like it should be obvious why these banters are in bad taste, so i won’t go into detail to lambaste carver over his blatant ignorance. the dialogue is proof itself, especially considering how little of fenris’s experience carver ( or anyone else for that matter ) can truly comprehend. 

what i will do, true to form, is explain that no, carver did not just pull that suggestion, careless as it was, out of his ass. while hawke may or may not do their best to lay low as an apostate, potentially choosing to engage then-knight-captain cullen over the unjust treatment of mages depending on player discretion, carver has internalized how malcolm guided the family. his father taught them to keep their heads down and be prepared to hit the road in case the circle caught scent of them? then that must be the best way to approach it. emotional neglect unfortunately primed carver to idealize and adopt malcolm's choices and general philosophy. this carries over even to legacy, where, regardless of carver's current character arc, carver will agree that malcolm was correct to keep secrets.

so there's fenris, right, who carver believes is in a position similar to that which the hawkes have been in. carver, attempting to help ( as he is wont to do ), wants to share what had worked for them in attaining a semblance of normalcy, not realizing or considering that that is not fenris's foremost goal. hiding is not a one-size fix-all solution, but carver hasn't expanded his horizons well enough to grasp that fully yet.

then there's largest contributors to my secondhand embarrassment in da2:

Carver: You're very different from other elves. Fenris: Oh? You know them all? Carver: No. I just... you look different. There's no denying that. Fenris: It is what I am. And unlike the problems you claim to have, I really did have no choice. Carver: Do we know anyone who isn't brooding every hour of the day? Fenris: Like attracts like, it seems. ─────── Carver: You know, Fenris, I have a tattoo. Fenris: You have a what? Carver: A tattoo. A lot of us got them before Ostagar. It's a Mabari. For strength. Fenris: Does it curse you with the ability to reach into a man and tear out his insides? Carver: Uh. I can make it bark. Fenris: Please don't.

i’ll start with the second one first. at its heart, the tattoo banter hearkens back to the fact carver wants to feel like he has something in common with someone. yes, it is cringe. but it’s also misguidedly sweet, and on top of that, it’s something carver also tries to do with merrill, who carver arguably has the friendliest dynamic with out of hawke’s crew. 

Carver: Your people came a long way Merrill, but I like to think that we have Ferelden in common. Merrill: I never saw Lothering. Did you walk as much as we did? Probably more, you didn't start with halla. Our ship stunk. Carver: Your ship? Merrill: There was something foul in the hold. I can still smell it. Carver: Oh, well, that must have been unpleasant. Merrill: It was. Did I miss something dirty again? Carver: No.

speaking of parallels, the “you’re very different from other elves” dialogue mirrors this one with merrill:

Carver: So, you're not like a lot of other girls. Merrill: No, I'm an elf. Carver: Right. Alright then. Merrill: Oh, did I miss something dirty? Carver: What? No! It wasn't dirty. It wasn't anything.

yes, i took 42069 points of psychic damage from reading that too. but the main takeaway from this is that carver is trying, poorly, to make the two people he thinks he could be friends with feel like they’re special. ( you know, like how carver wishes he was. lol. ) to disastrous results. but i think it’s more than worth mentioning that the intent behind his conversation-making is never once condescending. 

and it’s not like carver lacks self-awareness, either. after he becomes a warden and returns to the party for mark of the assassin, he admits he lacked polish.

Aveline: I'm glad you found a place with the Wardens. Carver: Well, it's not the city guard, but it'll do. Aveline: Carver... it wasn't the place for you. Carver: No, it's all right. It is. It cost a lot, but I get it. I really was a bit of a tit those days, wasn't I?

Carver: So, we're lost. Varric: Just like old times. Carver: Maker, I hope not. I was an ass. Varric: (laughs) Fair comment, Junior. All right, let's get this done.

and specifically to fenris:

Carver: Orlesians. Can't build a hallway without turning it into a maze. Fenris: Keep going. I'm sure your training will kick in any moment. Carver: Still don't like me? I've tried to change. Fenris: You have. Now you're dangerous. Let's move.

i don’t know how to end this nearly 1.5k meta, so tl;dr i guess

[sparxwrites]

Not really a question, but I absolutely love how nuanced and thought-out your views and interpretations of characters are. I felt it when I first found your writing through last life, but it’s especially stood out when you talk about c!Dream and c!Quackity. Your recent post and the linked directors commentary especially were so good, I feel like I’ve rarely seen folks who view Dream’s imprisonment and torture as a bad thing without going on to want a redemption for him and the way you explained it all put to words a lot of things I’d been struggling to give form to in my mind. I’d love to read some of the zines you referenced in your directors cut if the names ever come to mind! All this to say your work is incredible and your analysis always makes me think, I’m typically not an avid nsfw or kink fic reader, but your work makes me want to branch out just to experience more of your writing lmao

Thank you! What an incredibly flattering ask to recieve <3 I’m delighted by the response that my DSMP meta especially has had, and especially wrt the bit you picked out - that what has happened to Dream can be wrong, without that in any way minimising or absolving the absolutely heinous shit he’s done, or in any way contributing to a redemption arc. That was a really difficult thing to work out how to phrase; I’m extremely glad I managed to make it coherent, and to give words to stuff that other people have been feeling too.

The zines I mentioned in those are as follows:

what about the rapists? anarchist approaches to crime & justice

The Revolution Starts At Home: Confronting partner abuse in activist communities

They’re both heavy reads, as may be obvious from the title, and challenging in that they a) do not necessarily provide answers, and b) are collections of essays from many different perspectives, with different and often conflicting ideas on how we should try and find answers. But they’re both phenomenal, and (along with the ever-recommended Lundy Bancroft) informed a lot of my thinking about domestic abuse/intimate partner violence and people’s reactions to that (both from inside the abuse and without).

Some of my nsfw stuff is more character-study based (the “Snapshots” duo; perhaps also “all you gotta do, darling”). If you’re considering branching out, I’d start there. They’re arguably the heaviest, and please do check the tags before reading, but the sex/violence in those is because it’s part of a way of looking at bits of the characters - at how they think, how they react, what they do in the face of vulnerability. Some of it (“Unhealthy Compulsions”, “Compromise”) is just because I wanted to write some (occasionally very nasty) smut, and whilst I’d hope it’s still in character and still has interesting things to say about the characters, it’s primarily driven by the sex/kink and so might be less to your taste!

[wolfstarlibrarian]

Hello lovely friends, and welcome to the second installment of the Beyond the Shelves series! This month the library is featuring @aryastark-valarmorghulis​ who’s beautiful prose borders on poetry, and always manages to access those lovely tender feelings we so wish to share with the world. Hope you enjoy this interview here, and make sure to check back later today for the list of her favorite fics!

Name/Creative Type: Arya (she/her) / Author

AO3: aryastark_valarmorghulis  

Tumblr: @aryastark-valarmorghulis

What's your favorite thing about Remus & Sirius? 

Oh, well, this answer will be incredibly sappy.

Let me begin by saying that I am truly disappointed and horrified by JK Rowling and by the harmful, awful views she’s expressed in the last years. I don’t share her ideas and I don’t support her anymore.

Having said that, HP was my childhood and is still incredibly important for me – it helped me, saved me, even, during some very dark and difficult moments, and I believe those books – as flawed as I see them now, as dated as they are – will stay with me until the very end.

Remus and Sirius have been my favorite characters since I read PoA – I was intrigued at once by that tragic yet epic backstory we only get glimpses of and I was very interested in what was left unsaid (the Marauders’ school years, the First War, how their friendship deteriorated, why Remus and Sirius reconnected so quickly). 

Even a naive thirteen-year-old could see there was something worth exploring under the surface, and after a few years I opened a fanfiction on LiveJournal: it was the Shoebox Project. From that moment, I started shipping Punk and Nerd-Wolf and never stopped. Even if I left fandom quite a few times during uni, I kept coming back and I’m still here, because I think those two characters have everything a reader and a storyteller need: there’s friendship, self-discovery, queerness, love, betrayal, war and second chances. What else could I want in a pairing?

What do you think your signature is?

I’m not sure I have one, but what I really love is to let the unsaid things speak more than the actual conversations between characters. I often write from Remus’ Pov and he isn’t a big talker for me – not about his feelings anyway – so I try to convey what he doesn’t dare say, which is actually more important than what he does say.

I think objects like clothes or furniture or even houses can carry a lot of hidden significance, and very mundane actions like brewing tea or putting on a record or touching an elbow can convey more feelings than an actual conversation, so I try my best at describing all these things.

What advice would you give new authors?

Write what you like and not what you think other people will like. That's pretty obvious advice.

I would like to say something even more basic for writers like me, whose first language isn’t English: just try!

I know it can be scary to post a story written in a language that isn’t yours and there is the overwhelming fear that you’ll never be as good as a native speaker, but being bilingual can actually be a resource – you can mix together words in unexpected ways and use surprising metaphors.

I won’t lie because there are days where you don’t even know words in your mother tongue, let alone in English, but there’s no harm in trying and this is something we do for free, for ourselves first, and most of all it’s super fun to play with a new language and bend it to our will – sometimes it’s very frustrating and some sentences will never make sense but it’s nothing that a good, trusted Beta can’t fix.

My advice is that it’s worth trying.

What inspires you?/Where do you get your ideas?

I’m actually not sure; I usually get my ideas when I’m about to go to bed and I’m too sleepy and lazy to jot them down, so I can only hope I remember some vague stuff in the morning.

Most of the time I think of a particular atmosphere (a Welsh cottage in the middle of nowhere during a sweltering summer day, a chilly walk in a misty graveyard etc...) and the story develops around it.

Pick a favorite fic of yours and explain what inspired it.

Midday, Midnight is definitely my favourite fic among the ones I’ve written and, I think, the best one. I wrote it very quickly and it didn’t need much editing, except for the usual grammar stuff. It was absolutely unprecedented, it never happened again and probably never will.

I was inspired by two things.

One is this excellent piece of meta by @shaggydogstail​ regarding the Prank that I absolutely agree with; I was musing over a Post Prank story for a while, mostly because of my disagreement with the trope “The Prank was this huge Greek Tragedy that foreshadows the lack of trust between Remus & Sirius etc”.

The second thing I had in mind was writing something that respects Aristotle’s Classical Unities: a story that lasts for no more than 24 hours, with a single plotline and only one location. The many quotes by Ovid and Sappho underline this classic inspiration. I am acutely aware of how pretentious this sounds, just in case you were wondering.

I knew I wanted to write something about the (lack of) consequences after the Prank, and the idea of a fun summer romance came to me after reading that meta and the interesting discussion that it created.

⭐🌙

Last Month’s interview with @theprongsletthatlived​ can be found here. 

[ignylinn]

On Snape, RAB and a little on Draco

Being Regulus stan, basically living for Regulus-centric fanfiction of any kind, as well as any meta, I often stumble upon posts on Snape vs Regulus, Slytherin redemption arch, etc. So, I have been thinking about the whole thing, and read through many many arguments from both sides.

For me it comes down to this:

In JKR world, ethics of each individual character comes down to who you are friends with, which is a pretty chance thing. Or who your parents are. Or where you study. Your environment in general. We read a lot about choice in the books and being able to make a right choice, and that choices define us, but there is little to no factual evidence to support this. Harry does not know shit about Wizarding World, but the first person he met and the third person he met tell him Gryffindor is cool, Slytherin is bad, and that’s it, he never reflects on this ever again. Why does Ron think Gryffindor is cool and Slytherin is bad? Because family. The other big choice maker is Sirius. Who by chance befriended right people.

The same goes for Dumbledore, f.e., who changed his ways after his sister dies, and his previous way are bad because a person close to him dies because of these views. If there is more to it, some reflection and actual thinking, we never see it.

The only major exception to this is Draco Malfoy, who lowers his wand because he lowers his wand, making the choice not to kill even at the peril his decision poses to his family. That is about the only choice of such kind.

It also amazes me to no end how politically complex JKR’s world is, but how at the same time the characters… just never think about it (it would be difficult to know their thoughts, of course – they never talk about it).

Since the first time I learned that Voldemort was not a single evil wizard, but he had the whole movement which supported him (we get first hints in PoA, but all the major things are in GoF), I was in desperate need of a character who made a right choice not because other choice did hurt someone, or because they were friends with right people, but because they looked at Voldemort, and the Dearh Eaters, while being inside, and they thought: this is just some serious bullshit going on, I will not take part in it and I will do something to counter it. Like, you know, a political choice, not a purely individual one. That was something I needed at the point and still need now from time to time, as a comfort character, or a character I can identify with.

Now, there is Snape. I started reading books way before DH came out. So, I lived years and years without really knowing anything about his motivation. At some point we learned that he was a double agent, but even before that it was quite evident that there is something more to him than just bringing more misery into Harry’s life. Like, much more. Something big. I never believed betrayed Dumbledore and thought everything Snape did in HBP was on his orders, I was sure he genuinely changed his mind ar some point and betrayed Voldemort because he was… well, torturing and murdering and generally leading the whole Wizarding community to ruin. That it was a personal political and conscious choice for Snape. After that, there was a long haul before the last book came out, and with it crumbled all my hopes that such a character exists in HP universe. That all he did was because of his obsession/love for one person, and that this motivation never really changed. Also, I did not even read the book when it came out. I read the spoilers because I was desperate for them, and that is how I learned it all. I had read the 7th book about 3 years after the release.

I do not argue that Snape is a well-written character. He is. He is complex, he has very believable and human motivations, his story in its final version is… it really is a very good story. It is a redemption story in many ways, from his horrible childhood to his horrible time at school to the Death Eaters to his initial talk with Dumbledore and at last to the place where he contributes basically more than almost anyone to defeating Voldemort for good. I like him as a character. I like his story. I appreciate it greatly, it is one of the best. It is just not what I needed and still need, and, from what I see currently, not what many people in the fandom need.

And… enter Regulus Black. Whom we know very little of. Just… 3 or 4 facts on which we can elaborate in basically any way we want to. A little less than the amount we had on Snape before DH, actually. We saw Snape a lot, of course, but what did we actually know about him, his motivations, his views, his position? Almost nothing, and we had to go with what we had. And so we can do now, with Regulus. We know very little facts about him, and we have two opinions on him, both from extremely biased sources, Sirius and Kreacher. It really can go any way you want:

he could go to that cave solely because of Kreacher (because he genuinely loves Kreacher or because Voldemort damaged something that belonged to him), thus going with normal JKR motivations;

he could go there because he was horrified at horcruxes, thus going with… I would call it profound theory of magic motivation;

he could go there because he changed his mind about things and put a thought to it;

because he loved his brother and wanted to be more like him.

Or any combination, or all of them, or something else. It is a matter of choice we have as readers, and I am glad that there still exist characters whose motivations are almost entirely obscured from us, a creative space for readers, a space for our own choices.

I pray JKR never writes anything, a single word, about the Black family and Regulus specifically, so that it will all crumble again.

[mooshys]

dumb question but how does one get online/tumblr friends who share the same interests? lol i see everyone here know each other and are very supportive and im like 🧍🏽‍♀️

this isn’t a dumb question! tbh, I find it difficult to make friends online as I’m incredibly shy and often find myself unable to “make the first move,” but the wonderful thing about tumblr and twt and such is that you can easily see what other people are interested in and it gives you something to talk about! most people are open to making new friends (they’ll usually have their asks/dms off if they aren’t) and would love to chat about whatever has their attention at the moment.

trust me when I say that most people love to engage in conversation about their interests. if they post about their favorite series or character, then you can add your own two cents with a comment, or if they post art or a fic you can let them know how you felt about it! as long as you're kind then there's really nothing wrong with starting conversation. engagement within a community is key if you want to make friends on here.

here’s a list of what you can do to engage more within the community:

join a network -> it’s way easier to get to know people this way as it's a smaller group of people who have similar interests as you. there are always some content creation communities on tumblr and gc invitations on twt that're floating around.

send engaging asks/dms -> give them something to talk about. don’t send them something like “Can I be your friend 🥺” bc Uhh sure mate I guess, but where does the conversation go from there? personally, I like it when people share meta/headcanons for me about a work I enjoy since it makes for easy open discussion.

comment/reply on posts -> this is how I became friends w/ my closest mutual on here. I commented on one of her fics and then we started sharing headcanons and began to hit it off in the dms!

make content -> Lol this is kind of how I got most of my internet friends. this showed that I was pretty active within the community (was always in the tags...) and that kind of drew people to my account? I also feel like I got really lucky and shared/joined during the "height" of hq tumblr in summer 2020 when a lot of other ppl were sucked into it and wanted to read new content abt it Lmao like most of the ppl I engage w/ and talk to currently are mutuals/friends I met on here in 2020

lastly, I wanted to add that just bc you talk to someone on here =/= to being mutuals or friends or whatnot. sometimes you vibe with people and sometimes you don't. and it's fine either way! that's nothing both against you or the other person. you can find someone else out there that you enjoy chatting and spending time with.

anyway, I hope this could be of help! my dms are open too, so feel free to send me a msg if you have any other questions or your just want to chat :-)

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Supernatural vs. How I Met Your Mother

I just want to start by saying that I mean no disrespect to any different interpretations of either show. These are just some similarities I noticed myself. I’ve been debating back and forth on posting this (I’ve never posted a full detailed meta on anything before), but hopefully it makes sense. I struggled with the finales of both these shows and these are my thoughts on why the struggle feels so familiar.

The Leading Man (Sam Winchester vs. Ted Mosby)

First of all, I love both these characters. Neither are my favorite character, but I identify with both and they’re similar in that they both have gigantic hearts and are often the voice of reason. Both characters start off their shows as the lead character. The story of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ is all about the journey Ted takes on his path to meet the love of his life. The story of ‘Supernatural’ is about a boy who gets dragged on an adventure with his brother to fights angels, demons, and all sorts of monsters. But, as the show goes on, both shows become about more than just one character and their journey. Both Ted and Sam end up being sidelined more often than they probably should. In an effort for circular storytelling, the finale puts both Sam and Ted back into the role of the main character, bookending the story. There’s nothing wrong with this. There is an argument to be made that both these shows ended exactly as they should have. But there are complications that arise when the finale focuses on ending one specific character’s journey and that’s where a lot of the criticism arise.

The Lost Agency (Dean Winchester vs. Robin Scherbatsky)

In the case of any good story, a leading man needs a leading lady. They need a character who is their partner and main foil. In the case of Supernatural, Sam’s closest relationship is with Dean. In the case of How I Met Your Mother, Ted’s closest relationship is with Robin. I love Dean and Sam’s relationship. I love Robin and Ted’s relationship. The problem is that both Dean and Robin are also character’s in their own right. In the case of Dean, he has an entire arc about learning to accept himself as the dorky loving caretaker that he is. In the case of Robin, she has an entire arc about chasing her dreams and being a career-driven woman. The finales force both character’s back into being defined by their relationship to the leading man. Dean becomes Sam’s older brother and his death serves to send a message that we must “carry on” when we lose someone we love. But Dean, a character who had just escaped his trauma and was ready to live, didn’t deserve to die. To anyone who liked Dean, it sends a message that “some people are too broken to find happiness”. Robin becomes Ted’s love interest and her ending serves to show that “true love conquers all”. But Robin, as a character, wasn’t looking to settle down. To anyone who liked Robin, it sends a message that a woman can’t be happy if she chooses her career over a man. Both these character’s lose their agency to fit back into roles that they had (mostly) grown out of. 

The Missing Woman (Eileen Leahy vs. Tracy McConnell)

In the process of ending the story where it began, the leading man himself has to lose the person he’s grown to see himself with. Sam and Dean can’t have their brotherly ending with Eileen hanging around. Ted can’t save Robin from herself if Tracy is still alive. Both the characters of Eileen and Tracy were introduced (or reintroduced) in the final season of their shows and both shows made an effort to build their relationships with the leading men over the course of the season. It’s a difficult task to build a romance this late into the game, but both women were strong enough character’s on their own that they won over a decent portion of the audience. It helps that they were both sweet, kickass, and charismatic characters in their own right. Eileen understood the hunting life and knew Sam’s complicated history. Tracy appreciated Ted’s quirks and laughed at his bad jokes. But neither woman fit in with the circular storytelling of the finale and were swiftly cut from the story (or killed off).

The Unexpected Fan Favorite (Castiel vs. Barney Stinson)

It’s always a pain when a character hijacks your plot isn’t it? In the case of both these characters, they were never intended to “steal the show”. They were never intended to have such a dedicated fan following, become fan favorites, or take up so much of the plot. They certainly weren’t expected to fall in love with the secondary lead. Both these character started off cold-hearted. They were the ones with the great one-liners, moments of sheer “awesomeness”, and just generally fun characters to play around with. But then things got complicated. Both character changed significantly due to the love they had for the secondary lead. This was never supposed to happen in either case. Both characters grew outside of what the narrative had intended for them. In order for the finale to work, both characters needed to be sidelined. But, because the characters had such large and devoted fanbases, the writers couldn’t be too terrible towards them. So both characters were allowed to have happy endings with their respective children. They could keep their loving and affectionate personalities, but instead of aiming it at the object of their affections, they could aim it at fatherhood. It’s a happy enough ending and it keeps them out of the finale.

The Core of the Show (Sam & Dean vs. Ted/Robin)

Both these shows started off by focusing on the relationship between two characters. In the case of Supernatural, it’s always been about the brothers and their relationship. In the case of How I Met Your Mother, it was all about Ted’s romance with Robin. I love both these pairs. But over time the characters had to learn to form a healthier bond with each other. The brothers learn to be less codependent and stop lying to each other so much. Sam becomes more independent and starts to get interested in learning spells and leading hunters. Dean starts trusting Sam more and stops lying to protect him. In the case of Robin and Ted, they break up when they discover that they both want different things out of their relationship. Ted wants a family and Robin is more focused on her career. Sam and Dean remain the heart and soul of the show from start to finish, but over time they learn to allow more characters into their lives. Ted and Robin's friendship remains important to the show, but the show grows to be about more than that. The ending put both these relationships back into the center stage. 

The Lost Love (Sam/Eileen vs. Ted/Tracy)

The love that could never be. Both these relationships are mostly built during the final seasons of their respective shows, but still manage to win over a significant portion of their audience. Only to abruptly get thrown away in the final episode. They are both sweet pairings where the leading man finds a woman who can love them for all that they are. A rare find in a story that has often dealt the leading men a rough deck. Some fans are happy Eileen/Tracy were scrapped, while others wish the show could have let the character grow and start a new story. But the writers wanted to end the story where they began and focus on the relationship that started it all. There’s no space for these new characters in a circular finale.

The Unexpected Pairing (Dean/Castiel vs. Barney/Robin)

These pairings were never supposed to happen. But sometimes actors and actresses have a lot of chemistry and things don’t go according to plan. In both cases, the writers chose to play into the chemistry and both pairings developed deep relationships over the course of the series. In the case of Barney and Robin, they became an actual couple with an on-again-off-again relationship that eventually culminates in a final season focused on their wedding. In the case of Dean and Castiel, they became closer friends over the course of the show, culminating in a final season that places a heavy focus on their relationship issues and their path to reconciliation. Both pairings were crucial to the final season. Until the ending. Right before the final episode of How I Met Your Mother, Barney and Robin finally get married. Right before the final episode of Supernatural, Castiel finally confesses his romantic feelings for Dean. Immediately following the episode where Robin and Barney say “I do”, they get divorced. Immediately following Castiel’s confession, Castiel dies and Dean never addresses his feelings and quickly moves on from the death. After years of build-up, both relationships are thrown out the window so that the leading man can have his happy ending with the one he loves most. 

The Controversial Ending (Supernatural vs. How I Met Your Mother)

I love both these shows. Throughout High School, How I Met Your Mother was my favorite show. Recently, Supernatural has become one of my favorite shows. There’s a lot of good both shows have given me and I definitely still love them despite their problematic elements. Personally, I hated both endings. In both cases, I believe that the shows failed by trying to end their stories where they began. Life is unpredictable. Things change. Character’s hijack your stories and take them to unexpected destinations. Let them. Embrace it. Life doesn’t always go according to plan and you can’t force it to. But I still love both shows and I respect those who either loved the endings, liked the endings, or have made peace with the endings. I just noticed the similarities and felt the need to gather my thoughts on the topic. Thanks to anyone who read all this and hope it made some sense :)

[rainbowcarousels]

I don't know how interesting this is going to be but I started to answer a comment on the latest JBSWM from @zanahoriabaila and realised I actually kind of want to talk more depth about the subject so I'm going to post it up here. Between talking a little about Genesis especially on twitter and briefly talking a couple of chapters ago about Sephiroth, it's kind of all been ruminating into something meta that borders on a directors commentary.

Again, how come your Genesis always spews all the stuff I think?

This is absolutely something I do with my version of Genesis on the regular and there's a few different reasons why he’s my character of choice for uncomfortable examinations of stuff.

 Cut for discussion of fic, canon, trauma and interrelationships with everyone!

The first reason is the Eve symbolism that comes with Genesis as a character. There's a decent bit of it with Genesis (much like Aerith) when you consider his name, his limit break, his carrying around of the forbidden fruit and the look of the Goddess statue and in CC canon, he is the first person to tell Sephiroth about what Jenova is. As such, giving a lot of the harder hitting commentary to Genesis feels natural because he is good at weaponising knowledge.

It also makes more sense out of AGS to give it to him because of each of their interactions with how knowledge effects them. The revelation of the Jenova Project in general (I hope!) illustrated this pretty well in that Angeal takes in knowledge and then thinks about what he should say or do or feel about it and it impacts it greatly. Sephiroth takes in the knowledge and tries to analyse and categorise because exploring how he feels emotionally about something is really difficult for him and unless it's pertinent, he just doesn't address it in terms of how to feel about it. Genesis in contrast to both goes instantly to what he is feeling in the moment and it fuels his decisions and choices.

Angeal's issue comes when what he should feel and what he does feel are so at odds that he can't reasonably justify how he feels and he's been going through a lot of that since he doesn't want to think ill of his mother, he does not want to consider that his father might have lied to him and he absolutely does not want to think about Hollander at all. His sense of honour is wrapped up in family, in the idea that he pulled himself up to get where he is with hard work and determination and that he does make a positive difference and he's just...completely lost right now emotionally because he can't reconcile his feelings with what he thinks he should feel.

Sephiroth's comes when something is emotive and he can't pick it apart and make sense of it through physical and observable changes. I think this probably comes from spending his childhood as a lab specimen so he knows how to report things that are observable and that emotions are too subjective so he doesn't include them. Then getting thrust into war, he also learns to describe himself by a physical status report. Zack gives him one based on how he is physically because he knows this is how Sephiroth is. The problem for him and the reason he is as noted by the same comment so detached is because he just doesn't really process anything emotional in any significant way, which is why as noted in one of my much earlier chapters, he struggles with saying 'I love you' because it's pure emotion and he tries to show it in his own way instead.  

Then you have Genesis who runs on his emotions and experiences like they're fuel. There's a throwaway line in Don't You Know My Name about how Genesis doesn't so much like or dislike things as he dismisses or obsesses over them and because of that, he has the nastiest tunnel vision and comes across as self centred. He likes to write his own narrative in a way that makes sense to him based on what information he has and how he feels about it. There's a line in the song from JBSWM's title song that says 'judgment made can never bend' and I think this is part of Genesis struggling more with Zack's inclusion into their relationship with Cloud because he formed his own opinions on Cloud and Zack is Angeal's little puppy he's been hearing about for years. It's hard to shift perspectives for him.

Zack and Cloud have their own relationships with truth and feelings but Gast is history for AGS. So onto Gast, because that the subject being discussed in the chapter. It's not something new, if I go by my own timeline, Genesis and Angeal have known since they were 15 about a decent chunk of what happened as Sephiroth's background and Angeal comes down hard on the 'respect what Sephiroth feels even if it's not entirely accurate because it's important to him' side and Genesis comes down on the 'This was bullshit and Sephiroth needs to know it was bullshit regardless of how attached he is to the memory of Gast because he needs to deal with it'.

Zack and Cloud are just forming their opinions and it'll happen over a few chapters, but Zack is far more emotion based but he also has rose coloured glasses and if there is an upside, he will find it. Cloud, growing up feeling angry and isolated and idolising Sephiroth, kind of has a similar way of coping as him in that he has this idea he can't be openly emotional or vulnerable because he'll get hurt but he also isn't about to pull any punches either. It should make for interesting interaction hopefully.

I think Sephiroth is more knowledgeable than he realises in that he quickly guesses from Genesis being willing to share that they are in the 'experimented on parents' club that this is colouring some of his interaction here. He backs down earlier when the subject comes up, not because he thinks he's wrong but he's not pushing that hard because as much as it comes from a place where he's sad and angry that this terrible thing happened to someone he loves, he can rationalise backing down because his feelings are second hand. Except now they're not. While Angeal and Sephiroth can look at their parents to some degree and assign some kind of blame (and Cloud can from being victimised), he can't because he doesn't know who his parents are or what the circumstances were but Gast was the head of the department when this crap went down so he is a prime target for someone to be furious at.  

These guys spent their teenage years building coping mechanisms based on battlefield experience, it's probably not a surprise Sephiroth is practical and tries to funnel it into something productive, Angeal tries to find the honourable method of dealing with it in the way he's supposed to and Genesis just wants someone, anyone appropriate to unleash all of that emotion on. I'd also argue that Zack tries to apply it to being the best hero he can be even though he was doing a lot of pretty unhero-like things and Cloud was cannon fodder, it's no surprise his sense of worth is in the toilet and he can't really grasp the idea of being special.

Someone described JBSWM as five broken people trying to make each other whole and I don't think it's exactly right, but it is close. It's five people trying to figure out a way to live with a shit ton of trauma and a lot of it is trauma they're complicit in which is really difficult to work through given all time and resources let alone trying to deal with Shinra at the same time. 

This kind of brings me back to why Genesis is often the pushing person in the relationship and why he's not always right to do it.

As horrible as the Project G revelations are, it's not the same as growing up in the way Sephiroth (and in some ways, Aerith) did and he has the coping mechanisms he has for good reasons. He needs to have this idea of Gast as this good person who tried to be good to him but died because the alternative is Gast wandered off the moment he wasn't as interesting anymore and left him (in JBSWM's timeline at around the age of 4) to try and survive it by himself. He's already lost this perfect idea of a mother by having the 'L' put there and all SOLDIERs having JENOVA on their files and he's kind of desperately clinging onto something good because he hasn't really thought about what a lot of it would look like to someone coming in now until Cloud started to ask about it and had enough first hand experience to know it was really messed up. He can justify it as Gast was the better scientist, the better man, the better influence for him but if you start taking that away, it puts him in the position of being victimised and abused and that's all there is and I don't think he knows how to even begin to process that. As @aimeelouart pointed out, if he thinks about it or talks about it with any perspective, he would have to acknowledge he is traumatised and a large part of his identity has been built on his own invincibility. How can he be traumatised if that’s so?

The flipside of it being that I don't think any of them understood fully in a conscious way what happened with Sephiroth’s childhood until they saw it up close and personal with Cloud and even if it's coming from Genesis (dude is loud), Angeal is also pissed off and furious that it's just as bad as they thought it might be but could never be sure because they've only ever seen the aftermath and he does not talk about it. Zack got it all in one, he heard about it and saw it and is trying to deal with that but for Genesis and Angeal, it's festered for a decade and since no one save for maybe Zack has ever met a single healthy coping mechanism, it goes out as Angeal being cautious and letting Sephiroth set his own pace and Genesis going no, this is important, you have to confront this because if it hurts them from just caring about him and realising how bad it was, if Sephiroth some day realises how awful it was, he's going to just...shatter or explode and they'll lose him and even if he struggles to express it sometimes, he does love him dearly and like with Cloud, he wants him to figure out what will make him happy and it doesn’t seem like he’ll feel happy until he can stop blocking out what he’s feeling on instinct as some leftover coping mechanism. Cloud having to deal with his own lab trauma just brings it to the forefront and Genesis is not wasting the opportunity.

The thing is I don't think he's wrong about it because I think Alien Demi-god Sephiroth and Sane Sephiroth are two sides of the exact same person. There's hints of it here and there, but I think one of the biggest ones is he's very possessive and it took Hojo crossing the line and almost killing Cloud when he was beginning to grow attached to him to get him to move out of his holding pattern. In a way, this can also be traced all the way back to Gast and the idea of his mother because it's this almost childlike view that when he's attached to someone, they leave and it hurts so the obvious answer is make it so they can't leave or in the case of canon, try to push them to come back. I genuinely do not think Jenova knew what they were getting themselves into with him because they were like 'hey I could be your mom' and got absolutely swallowed by someone who was hurting, desperate for connection and just So Fucking Done with all of it until his will overrode theirs and he was never, ever going to be alone again because the entire planet would be reborn as part of him. 

Not the direction I'm going with JBSWM, they have some things they need to work on with each other but they are together and leaving Shinra was as close to a statement of commitment as you can get. With Midgar behind them and a chunk of their identity and dreams left with it, trying to face those uncomfortable truths will be hard for everyone and as much as Genesis puts it out there, he’ll struggle with his own too because if they have to deal with their shit, so does he.