#hopefully youve been doing better!

[pendraegon]

your thesis update.... i will tell you that your advisor is definitely the problem (and so is the organization of your program for not having published the theses in a way that is accessible because wtf). please take care of yourself and treat yourself well because a terrible grad school experience is no joke. you WILL escape that place with a degree and i hope everything goes a little bit more smoothly in the future🫡

i can tell that she REALLY does not like me nor wants to put up with me which is..... kind of incredible. im truly not quite sure where it all went wrong — my program is like...stupidly expensive (hello terrifying student debt!) as well as pretty damn renown and i came to this uni SPECIFICALLY for this subfield that im in and it's been a genuine mess from my first semester (not even counting the whole thesis debacle). im going to drag myself to the finish line even if it kills me but also like. this is genuinely the most degraded i've ever felt LOL

[totheidiot]

all i can think about is that i am going as L for halloween. I AM GOING AS L FOR HALLOWEEN EEE.

[larnax]

what i really like so far abt 2 is that they put in a lot more little details. the sprites still have the paper doll thing where sometimes you need to approximate an action thats too complicated to animate but way more stuff DOES have custom animations like particio pulling out a bag or throné doing the little knife flip at the end of battles, and also it seems like the protagonists you havent picked up yet have different dialogue depending on the party leader who talks to them which is great. most importantly though i really like that they have dialogue that react to each other in combat though, like giving them all lines for when specific party members do a good job or are in danger is really sweet

[ohdeerfully]

can you do a lil story abt alasor x chubby reader? Idk I've been getting kinda insecure lately especially abt all my stretch marks so please and thank you! Have a nice day also I love your story's and stuff

rahh i just had to write something for this even though its at the top of my list. hopefully you like it, and i hope youve been feeling better lately! heres some sickeningly sweet fluff!! rather short, around 1.5k words

Bare

Alastor x Reader (fluff/comfort)

TW: body dysmorphia, insecure reader, alastor ooc but hes a cutie pie so its ok really (coping)

join my discord!

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You purse your lips at your bare reflection, turning this way and that to peer at the different angles of your body and its curves. The expression on your face turned into a frown as your eyes trailed over the stripes that decorated the conjunction of your stomach and thighs, evidence of the weight you had gained over the last year.

The atmosphere was all too uncomfortable, which only made you feel worse. A mediocre shower had left your hair damp and skin cold, and the light breeze that wafted from your slightly cracked window chilled you. Your towel was lying, discarded, by your feet, but you had become too engrossed in looking at yourself in the body length mirror to really take note of the goosebumps that pricked up your arms.

You looked away from the mirror and down at your legs, lifting and twisting one to get a better look at your thighs. You sighed at the sight. You thought you might cry, but you didn't want to cry—

“Cher,” A familiar voice made you jump to attention, head whipping up and almost knocking against the chin of the culprit had he not placed his hand in the way to halt your motion. “We don’t want to catch a cold now, do we?” His voice was uncharacteristically low, and it lacked the usual intonation of static.

You met Alastor’s red gaze through the mirror as he stood behind you, bent slightly so his head was level with yours. You were embarrassed, standing here naked in front of the Radio Demon, but you were frozen in place. His hands rested gingerly against your shoulders, trailing up and down your arms, slow and gentle. 

You fought back the urge to shove him away when his hands strayed from your arms, traveling under them and wrapping over your stomach. You swallowed. Tears started to blur your vision as numerous racing ideas filled your mind, casting doubt on the genuine nature of Alastor’s affections. You paused mentally when you felt another light touch of his lips against your cheek. 

You didn’t blink, worried that a tear may slip down and concern the demon behind you. You caught his gaze again in the mirror and he stood silently for a moment, studying your expression. You knew your eyes looked glassy and your lips were pressed tightly in a thin line, but you prayed to God—ironically enough—that he wouldn’t notice. His brows knit, creating a slight crease on his forehead, and you timidly stood there wringing your hands together. You felt so vulnerable, so scrutinized, because why else would he be staring at you so intently if it wasn’t to judge your bared body?

“What a sight,” He said suddenly, promptly placing a featherlight kiss on the crook of your neck. “How lucky is a man to have you all to himself?” He eyed your face and your body, but his gaze lacked the typical glare of lust and hunger that you would expect from a man. Instead, they only conveyed some tender, unspoken feelings of affection for you. As strange as it was to see such a look on Alastor, you had grown accustomed and welcoming of it.

There was still doubt in your mind, but you knew to trust the gentle words he spoke to the best of your ability. Alastor was full of lies and manipulation, but he was different behind the doors of your shared room. You knew a side of him that was, for him, as equally vulnerable as you were currently. So, though there was still a part of you that fought against the idea of him loving you despite what you found in yourself to be so ugly, you allowed the reassurance of his touch and words to calm your mind.

“Now,” He said, standing up straight once more. He gingerly picked up the damp towel by your feet, contemplated it for a moment, and then vanished it in a dark plume of inky smoke. “Let’s get you something warm.”

He lightly placed his hand by your shoulder blade, pushing you with the lightest pressure to maneuver you away from the mirror. You cast one last look at yourself out of the corner of your eye, but noticed he was still watching you. You quickly looked away with an awkward, breathless laugh. He pulled you closer to himself as he walked you towards the bed. With a gentle shove from Alastor, you sat lightly on the edge of the mattress, bouncing your leg as you watched him cross the room.

He hummed as he sifted through the closet of your room, a finger on his chin as he looked too concerned about picking out pajamas. You figured he was just trying to be silly to lighten your mood, and you appreciated it. Plus, you had to admit to yourself, seeing him look so serious at a bunch of old, oversized shirts did cheer you up.

He returned after a moment with a simple red top and fuzzy black pants. He motioned his finger to prompt you to lift your arms, which had subconsciously come to rest over your stomach. You obeyed, albeit with some hesitance, and bit your lip as you lifted your arms from their protective position.

“You know,” He spoke as he aided you in pulling your arms and head through the shirt. He paused his words for a moment to shake out the pants so the fabric was straightened, and then he continued. “If the Gods were to exist, I’d say your beauty would make them rather jealous. I don’t think art even portrays them quite as enchanting.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” You said with a light eye roll and a too-sarcastic tone in your voice that you immediately regretted. He didn’t seem to mind, though.

“Oh, but it’s true!” He argued back with a light smile. He tenderly lifted one of your legs and slipped the fabric of the fuzzy pajamas over, and followed suit with your other leg. You lifted yourself up with your hands so he could slip the waist over your hips.

He stood, looking down at you for a moment, again just analyzing you. It was easier to feel more comfortable under his gaze��as comfortable as anyone could possibly be with Alastor looking at them so intently—when you were clothed.

He ruffled your hair, accompanying the movement with a pleased hum, before turning and beginning to change himself. You shuffled yourself up the bed, resting your back against the headboard as you carefully watched him.

His coat came off first, slipping down his shoulders and hung carefully in the closet. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the fluffy red tail that flicked as the cold air breezed through the fur. You made a mental note to ask to pet it later—maybe he would let you if you told him it would make you feel better. He then pulled at the hem of his undershirt, tugging it up and over his head and then down his arms. His hair tumbled down in soft locks from the neckline as he popped his head from the shirt.

God, how embarrassing you probably looked right now, watching Alastor undress in front of you with the sickest, lovestruck eyes. If you were a drawing, there would probably be hearts floating all over your head right now.

He bent at the hip slightly to rustle through a drawer of his own night shirts, and you watched the edges of his shoulder blades and the slight curvature of his lean muscles shift and contort under his pale skin with every move he made. Your eyes traveled up and down his back, drawing mental images with the lines of scars that marred his otherwise smooth flesh.

Heat flushed your cheeks when he turned his head slightly, looking at you through the corner of his eyes, catching you ogling him. His grin only grew wider, though, before he finally threw on a loose shirt. What a tease.

He made quick work of his pants, replacing them with some comfortable sweats that looked almost alien on him, considering his usual attire. He joined you in the bed, his body creating a sizable dip in the mattress that made you fall against him. His arm snaked behind your back, coming to cup you at the curves of your waist and pulling you closer. He pressed a kiss against the top of your head before resting his cheek against it.

There would be no discussion about what had been bothering you minutes prior, and you were perfectly okay with it. Alastor was useless at emotional discussions, and in extension comforting you directly, but he could, to the best of his ability, comfort you through his actions and presence. A light, soothing jazz tune reverberated in the dark room, manifesting from his cane that sat against the wall by the bed. You closed your eyes and sighed, tangling your legs into his underneath the sheets.

You purse your lips, a light curve at the corners as you smiled at your previous idea.

“Al, my love,” You said softly, moving your head so he would lift his own off of it and look at you. His red eyes had a light glow in the dark.

“Yes, ma moitie?” He lifted his clawed hand and gently placed his index under your chin. Your next words made his body jerk and tense.

“Could I pet your tail?”

[sotiredimbored]

MOOT APPRECIATION POST

I love my moots(keep reading baout them) also these might repeat so if you all want another more specific post lmk!!!!!!!!!!!

@cheekyboybeth - you legitimately make me smile each time i see you on my dash because you have good comebacks, youre just generally funny, and just amazing to be around

@calypso10191 - tbh i have no words, you are amazing, awesome, cool, the best, every positive adjective ever, you light up my day, the sun to my moon, i love talking to you so much woeghweougmhew

@seekmemystar - we haven't talked a lot yet, but i WILL say that you seem rly cool ad from your interactions with other moots, you sound awesome and i hope we can talk more

@thestrawberryapologist - i can't believe you haven't got snow :(((( i rly liked our first convo, and you were so cool and awesome, and I RLY RLY RLY hope we can talk more in the future!!!

@planetjinko - just like with some of my other moots, i haven't chatted with you too much yet, but I rly like seeing ur blog on my dash and i hopewe yet tpo talk a lot !!

@a-t1r3d-b1s3xual - you are, to be genuine, a great person, and thats rly all i need to say, because youre just such a kind peson to chat with !!!

@moku-and-his-madness - we haven't been able to talk as mch, but i love talking with you all the time because you are RELATABLE AND AWESOME AND AN AWESOME ARTIST SAND HWEOUFMHEWOUFHW

@serialkilluh-1996 - i haven't been able to talk to you yet(hopefully soon tho) and i love seeing your posts, though, so i rly rly hope that we can chat a lot more !!

@arandombiped - youre just such a kind and generous person, and i love the little drawing you made of me, and honestly speaking, its so much fun interacting with you!

@sleeplessfluid - i love to see your edits, bvc theyre so much fun to see, and i honestly do admire you and hope that we get to hang out a lot more now!!!

@demigod-jack-hearth - i love chatting with you becuase you're just a good pereon who gives godd adcice, youre caring, youre kind, and so much more !!

@circe-but-better - you're so much fun to talk to(soryr ive veen repeating this a lot) and i love to chat with you because you're just gerneally interesting, and youre kind and just light up my day

@sstarmanbutitsregulusblack - we haven't talked a lot yet, but (not to sound like some random fan) but i rly like seeing your posts on my dash and seeing you in general !!

@blizzardtheartisticfox - you give such great adivcei, and i love to see you on my dash because you're just a kind person/gen, and i think its always good to see you

@eef-stars - this one is gonna be alittle short but i love you all the same i promsie: you are interesting/pos. ui love to see those little snippets of your life on my dash because each time i just think "waht is he up to now what are the shenanigans" and its always awesomesauxe

@choucon - your poetry is always so much fun to read, and although we havent gotten to talk as much as i wsih we could, i rly like to see your posts and i always stop for them each time

@xx-neuro-xx - i love to see your posts & talk with you, and though we mainly met just thrugh @formertokenstraight-deactivated (missed forever/srs) i genuinely love to see you and appreciate you

@kermit-spooky-season-edition - you because each time that i see you, i get a little bit happier because i can relate to you, and i can just freely chat with you & i feel like youve always made an effort to include me, so thank you <3333

@here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can - yes just yes because youre kind, generous, nice in general, awesome, yesyesyesyesyes :)))))))))/gen/pos

@asters-tempo - you are always fun to chat with, and i rly love chatting with you (sorrry repeated that) and seeing you lights up my day :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

@cowboyhentai - when i accdentally misspelled your name as shanks somehow and you added it to your intro, i actualy felt a part of me grow and shine it was amazing bc you made me feel appreciated !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY YOU

@starkissed-mars - the shenanigans we have together are incomparable, and i love it wahtsoever because its just us i feel like searching for pics of two people and taggin gyou us core

@star-dust-shark - each time i see your posts, i get so happy because its YOU !!! and i wish you nothing but happiness and excitemess and the happy juice

@pearl-div3r - the things we do together are just so much fun and the way we met was unconventional and i just basolutely love anything and verything about us <3333 also if you see this the moment i post it go to bed >:(

@gardenoflilys - i always love to see you its like a trewat of candy on my dash and i mean like nerds gummy clusters because i love gummy clusters :DDD also i started to read the outsiders because of you because i wanyted to releate to u and talkto you about it because youre the bestest

@ashmoor - each time i see you i hope that youll be in more of my tag games because i always forget(im so sorry mi amiga) and each time i go on your b;olg i reblog the pinned post because youre just that great !!!

@fishcow99 - though we mainly met through brody im rly glad we did because lathough we dont talk mych, i love to see your posts even if i dont understand them(like a supportive dad whi doesnt quite understand but its ok <3333)

@crowofthestars - you are so swqeet & kind and thoughtful, and i hope wqe get to talk a lot more because you are just so cool and i cannot believe we are moots

@hershey-not-the-chocolate-maybe - i love seeing you on my dash because you are somehow alwasy relatable youre like a pinterest whisper/pos

@kunikisss - your art and vibe in general is so cool and awesome, and I PROMISE ONCE I UNDERSTAND WAHT THE FUCK IM DOING I WILL FINISH THTE THINGY IM SORRY EWHFOUEWMFHOEW SOB anyway ur the bestest

@kawaiibarty - i realize i fucked up because i accidentally made the post towards your side acc, but i dont care because you get two now youre just that cool and awesome <333333333333

@butch-marauders - i love to see your posts and i rlly hope we talk more because you seem like a very sweet person and awesome in gerenarly :)))

@definitionoffuckup - you legit made me so excited to join tumblr because you were so exciting and kind to me it just made me brave enough so thank you THANK YOU !!! you tbh changed my life <3(sorry is that a lot sorry)

@rins-batcave - i loive talking with you, and each time you keep liking and rb ing my posts i jusyt get so happy because it means someone as amazing as you actually thinks im awesome too :D

@mun-urufu - you light up my day when we talk, and the fact you made a playlist for the forest group thing just shows me how much you care and how kind you are !!!

@raeprise - i love talking to you and listening to you bc i just fills me w a warm fuzzy feeling, do thank you ❤️❤️❤️

@k-is-for-potassium - i have remembered so much in science bc if you soni greatly appreciate you for that, and your for our convos bc they're always sm fun

@yourlocalbadgerscales - i honestly kinda look up to you because you are just brave and kind, which I think is rly hard

@stqrgirl3 - your pfp reminds me of that one song that goes like girls just wanna have fun i just wanna have sx in a car and you're rly kind and i love chatting w u bc you match my energy and just yesyesyes

@daggerhobbit - though we dont talk as much anymore(ALSO IM OS OSRRY I DIDNT GET TO ADD YOU IN TIME NOOO HWEOFUWMHEO) you're a really wesome person and i love when we do chat !!

@you-will-never-be-satisfied - you are honestly so kind and a great friend, which i sincerely appreciate

@aesthetic-writer18 - you've listened to me vent and offered support, as well as just been there to chat and include me, so i am eternally grateful ❤️❤️❤️

@funz1es - I love watching you and i think ur art is just awesome, generally ur just a great friend and companion :DDDD

@themortalityofundyingstars - though we haven't gotten tot alk a lot yet, i rly like seeing your posts/gen !!

@lifegoalsofafish - u were one of the first ppl iet on this app, and i thought you were cool and you are end of sentence :)))

@garden-of-runar - you are one of the first ones i spotted on this app(we are in fact getting to the first's here lol) and altho we don't talk a lot, i do like seeinf ur posts!!!

@gasolinehornet - another on eor the first's here, iwlove seeing ur posts and your art(so talented wowzers) and just chatting with u/gen

@stars-on-my-bedroom-ceiling - THE FIRST MOOT I FOT ON HERE THAT SAYS SMTH YOU ARE JUST AN ALL AROUND GRETA PERSON SO ID LIKE TO THANN GOU :)))

[foldingfittedsheets]

Hey i figure youre probably pretty done with anons re: the daisy story so feel free to ignore and never answer.

But i did want to say that im so glad you posted that story. Its been a real moment of comfort for me during a stressful time. Not just the story, but the way youve handled the ridiculous BS youve gotten in response too.

Im a writer, and ive followed you for awhile! I love your comics and little snippets across the board and its a little moment i take whenever i do get the chance to log in every once and a while and just skim through your blog and see what little story youve posted recently.

Like, the daisy story is what it is, but i really really appreciate you standing up for yourself and what youve said re: growth and maturity. I have a severe and stigmatized mental illness, and as i go through recovery im often reminded of all the times ive hurt people whether unintentionally or maliciously. Seeing a creator i enjoy not only acknowledge mistakes theyve made so publically, but also not accept the public beating people feel they are entitled to really helps me personally. Like, you don't deserve this level of vitriol, so maybe I ought to be nicer to myself yeah?

I know it hurts and sucks right now, people are vicious sometimes. But i wanted to send some encouragement your way too. Its refreshing seeing a creator being unapologetically human, ugly side and all. I know im full of ugly sides and it feels good to know that its not too late to be a decent person, because theres time to learn and grow.

Its funny tho, all of these people are getting mad at you and saying all these mean things to you about something you know is wrong and have learned from, but none of them have taken the time to recognize that they are actively doing mean things right now. Like..?

I’m honestly so glad to see this. It’s really what I was going for when I shared it as well as just.

I think people often don’t think like, how long is someone on the hook for a past misdeed? Don’t you think someone is capable of growth?! My past actions making me feel guilty is a sign that I’m a different and hopefully better person now.

Thank you for your kind words and letting me know what it meant for you to see the whole debacle go down.

[i-just-want-to-destroy]

the last chapter for walking study in demonology was CRAZYYY im so happy you updated. im so curious about what your thought process in writing it and if youre willing to share?? you dont have to if you dont want to btw! but in any case thank u so muchhh

hey thank you! appreciate it

okay super long answer below

honestly this one was difficult. idk if its bc its been a while since i write fics from scratch so i might have forgotten how difficult the whole thing is, but this one was tough. ch 8 wasnt from scratch tho cos i had the drafts since like 2022 or smthg lol

ik the formatting is non conventional in ch 8 and i was aware that itd be hard to read for some people. but i do think abt the readers often when i write.. mainly not what the readers want in terms of storyline (altho ofc i consider this too sometimes lol) but what the reading experience will be like for them.

i.e consider if id written the chapter in a linear, traditional way and narrated the confrontation between 1-A and LoV (or even other wackier “Villains” like godzilla and invading aliens or whatever). the truth is, although def easier to read, that version will be very boring.

(i know bc i tried and scrapped those versions.)

(im sure a better writer can write it interestingly but i am not a better writer.)

the thing w writing these traditional fight scenes is tht im sure — im 1000% positive in fact — that the readers have read it before. there r literally thousands and thousands of bnha fics out there with great fight scenes, on top of the actual manga, where youve read these characters fight their assorted villains. why would i make you read that again, esp when i know i cant do it better? i already know the readers r just gonna skim the chapter if thats the case. ive been a reader, ik what fic fatigue is like — esp with bnha when everythings been rehashed infinity times in infinity different ways.

same thing also applies with even the “metaness” of the fic itself.

i dont want the fic to come off like its talking down to readers, whom i believe alrdy have the instinctual knowledge of what the fic is trying to do. im willing to bet tht the readers have read something similar to this before, like multiverses n time loop n meta stuff, also cosmic horror. i still end up narrating some things even though often i feel im being too explanatory. i jst feel like the readers will know what im talking abt by virtue of their familiarity to the tropes involved.

therefore the least i can do is serve it in an interesting way, aka the fuckass formatting. like although the tropes im doing r done so many times before, at the very least i cld let the readers hopefully have fun by piecing it together puzzle-style with the fragmented formats — so its more of an experience thing rather than jst a lore dump. i dont like lore dumps, they can be condescending.

demonology def doesnt succeed in avoiding that however. in fact its fallen to that exact trap. ch 4 and 6, those r very lore-dumpy. i tried to make it fun w the humor dialogue style but its not perfect. i know tht by ch 8 that tricks alrdy old, and the readers have all the puzzle pieces at this point anyway so itd be even more repetitive than it alrdy is. even so i still feel im being too explanatory esp with the emotional arcs but thats a skill issue on my part

overall i feel demon can be more oblique and “elegant” in its mechanics.

but anyway, it IS crack… it was never meant to promise intelligence, least of all eloquence lmfao. its never meant to be taken seriously.

of course, at this point u can tell that i actually am taking it pretty seriously LOL. i never meant to write meta fiction. i have some gripes w it, namely that i feel meta fiction is used by weaker writers as a storytelling crutch n it can come off as lazy — demon is guilty of this too. but now that i end up writing meta fiction, i might as well fucking commit and try to push it as crazy as i can. if its not gonna be good, at least it can be interesting, or weird.

blah blah im yapping. point is, ik the end product might look very “random” and pastiche as if i was jst doing whatever i wanted … which, true … but it went thru a lot of trials and errors until this final version. you would not believe the amount of time ive rewritten this chapter, due to all those ^ considerations.

however i always knew i was going to start ch8 with the classic mary sue “fanfiction” — that segment was written a long time ago like in 2022/2023?? and mostly stayed unedited since, unlike the rest of the fic which i stripped and repainted and restripped again lol

ok thanks for reading abt my wack anime crack fic writing process that, again, shld not be taken seriously. i will admit however that i do put a lot of effort n heart into it so i cannot pretend i am aloof and disaffected. id be lying if i say its been easy. i consider it a miracle i updated at all. i keep saying its not meant to be taken serious but if i managed to make it even a little bit meaningful, id be very happy.

ah also. bnha ending actually forced me to scrap a lot of things too. but it kinda ends up for the better, maybe.

[merakiui]

Meraaaaa im not sure if we're allowed to send in hsr thoughts but.... yan stepbro!geppard who FUMBLES when you come to him crying and tell him that your bf broke up with you because you couldn't take it balls deep 🥺 Aaaaaa and he's been so on the straight and narrow his whole life, he has no idea what you're talking about until you whip out his dick and show him just what you mean 😖

He's livid that his sweet little sister has been whoring herself out to the streets hes spent all his time protecting, but beg him sweetly enough and he'll bully his way in until his balls are slapping against your skin!!!

Even if you beg him to stop, he cant. You're too hot when you moan and tremble about how youve never taken anyone this deep before how many others were there, how you cant go any more your pussy says otherwise and most importantly how he's the biggest you've ever had doesn't that mean that he's.... the best?

Omg Gepard unintentionally ruining men for you with his crazy big dick... T_T <3 he just thinks others need to appreciate his cute step-sister more often (although not at intimate levels... only he can be the one to appreciate you in the bedroom). You really can't expect him to pull out after he's just managed to slot himself inside. He'll wipe sweat from your brow, kiss your tears from your lashes, and pet your cheek so fondly, assuring you you're doing well and that he knew you could take it. Omg maybe he even rubs circles into your hips when you squirm beneath him, mumbling dumbly about how he has to pull out, it's too big, it hurts, it's too much, it's not a safe day... Nonsense. <3 you shouldn't worry so much! He's here for you; he'll take responsibility. Do you really think your kind-hearted, gentle step-brother would ever abandon you? He'll always be here for you, whether you want that or not.

Now when you try to fuck another man it just doesn't feel the same or nearly as good as it did when you did it with your step-brother. Maybe you feel better with him because he's safe and sweet, always so patient and gentle, unlike your ex who broke up with you for such a foolish reason. You may be able to take dick balls deep now, but Gepard isn't going to let you continue whoring yourself out to just anyone. You need stability, a long-term relationship, and you'll find it with him. He's always loved you, so just let him take care of you. Your step-brother knows best because he's always looking out for you, so there's no need for you to dress in skimpy outfits and parade around the streets of Belobog.

He'll be your boyfriend instead (and hopefully your husband in the future) and then you can always take his dick balls deep. :D

[edlucavalden]

The aftermath of being in a toxic ?idk) relationship is certainly... something!

I guess it just sucks. not only do i have to deal with the feeling of betrayal over someone i cared about hurting me really badly but i also i have with cope the damage the relationship did to me in the first place.

I was bed bound at some point. I didn't eat or take care of myself. I guess im just shell shocked... abused to the point relapsing really hard to self harm and eating disorders, like genuinely suicidal haha. I was literally just dead at that point.... it was. Bad

Like omg lmfao its crazy how even now i still doubt that it was that bad...Irs hard to think rationally and logically when youve been hurt to the point where youre constantly in fight or flight mode. You dont realize it when uour in it... until its too late

.. im only functional now because i have a routine to follow, and even then, im barely doing so haha. Living on only a routine is barely living at all... not to mention that i have trouble maintaining it, i dont really have the desire to soo its a little harder. Then again Its better than literally being catatonic for weeks straight..

It'll... hopefully be ok. After all i ended things a month ago so. (Its crazy how recent it is haha) itll be hard but i know i can do this. Even if its just alone.

(Have kbms bc why tf not

In hindsight i dont think i should be talking about super personal information like this in my public accs but. I really dont care anymore. Its my blog i can do what i want.

[simplygyuu]

Teddy Bear - 11 : i wont ever forget, okay?

*⁀➷synopsis ! : on your birthday one of your best friends, soobin, gifts you an adorable teddy bear. you keep it all day once he gave it to you, carrying the adorable thing around for your entire birthday day and going to sleep with it that night. the next morning you wake up with.. a man in the place of your precious bear?! he doesn't have a name and he looks at you like you hung all the stars and.. did he just say he WAS the bear?

wc (0.6k)

From the second you got home, you noticed something was off about Beomgyu. He wasnt being anywhere near as energetic as he used to be and he was doing a lot of zoning out. He would stare at the wall with a pouty, almost frowning, look before picking up his phone and typing furiously.

Honestly you didnt know what to think. You assumed it was just him still upset about his game even though it had been hours since then. You dont know why he would still even be upset with it.

You were gonna just leave it alone and let the boy sleep it off until you heard soft sniffles coming from Beomgyus direction. Almost immediately, your head snapped up at the sound to see the most pitiful sight youd ever laid eyes on.

There Beomgyu was sitting on the small, single chair while crying. He tried to wipe at his eyes, looking honestly confused and just upset. He didnt seem to understand what was going on, he might not even know what tears were. Yet there he was, crying in your living room.

“Beom?! Whats wrong? What are you crying?” You were quick to jump up and approach him once the initial shock wore off. He looked up at you, still hiccuping as he cried before shaking his head.

“I d-dont know..” Beomgyus words trailed off into another sob, making your eyes widen. You were never the best at comfort like this, it really wasnt your forte. But you couldnt just do nothing!

“Shh shh, It's okay Beomie.. I'm here okay? C'mere give me a hug.” You lowered your tone into that of a soft whisper, hoping it would ease him more. The hybrid was quick to take up your offer, practically diving into your waiting arms.

You just rubbed his back gently, whispering any comforting words you could think of as you let him cry onto your shoulder. What could have made him so upset? From all that you know he hasnt been doing much that could get him this upset.

“..Beomie? Are you feeling better?” You finally whispered gently a few minutes later once Beomgyus sobs lowered into soft sniffles. He had yet to look up from where he was cuddled up against you, just nodding softly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You added along, bringing up a hand to run your fingers through his hair. He melted into the touch, making the corners of your lips quirk up into a small smile.

“You..you texted me and said you didnt remember how we met and I got.. sad. Even though you said it was Yunjin I worried and-and then I thought what if you really did forget even though i'd never forget cause thats the more important day of my life but youve lived such a long, human life and-”

“Oh, Beomie..” You gently cut off his long, panicked ramble. You didnt want him to work himself up again. Carefully, as if you were touching glass, you cupped his cheeks and brought his face up so that he could make eye contact with you.

“I wont ever forget, okay? Never. You're important to me and that day changed my life forever in a good way. Im sorry that my friend upset you this badly. Ill talk to her, okay? But I promise you i'll never, ever forget the day we met.” You rubbed his cheek with your thumb as you spoke, making sure to maintain eye contact to hopefully get across the point of how serious you were.

“..Okay. Thank you, yn.” Beomgyu finally replied after a few seconds before smiling a small smile and leaning forward to hug you again.

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previous ! masterlist ! next !

notes ! : sad beomie..

taglist ! : @lynnfv @openingssequence @wonioml @lunaavity @sunarintoes @bluebearybeom @invusblog @forever-in-the-sky2 @woncheecks @captivq @i8lhee @tatanbin @rynryn2 @qluvrv @wccycc @f4iryho0n @fancy-whitedwarf @totallynotbella @n0-thisispatrick @aeulia @zaeeeee @jungwon-kitten @sserafimez @lynanist @mazeinthemoon

[kittenchancorruptionarc]

[Clink! The man perks up as he hears the door begin to unlock after what felt like hours of deafening silence, at least back at home when things were quiet he could throw on some music and have it defy the loudness of the silence, but here all he could hear was himself. He tried to remain calm as he watched the surprisingly short man enter, his ears and hair just how he saw on stream. His voice filling the silence as he approaches, trying to keep focused on his face but the cigarettes quickly gaining more of his attention he gracious accepts the one placed in his mouth, savouring his first inhale, inhaling more as the smoke emanating from the Fox’s own cigarette blows over his face, clearly someone who has been itching for this relief.]

eh- i wasnt expecting them to bring me here on a silk pillow and a private jet. that shitty old van needs some new suspension by the way, i could feel every single bump on the way in, it was almost worse than when your bigger guy hit me right in the eye! i hope he wasnt two heart broken with the jab i landed on his gut, heard him coughing a little on the ride here.

[He snickers after his rambling and takes another drag from his cigarette, taking a moment in the silence to eye up the Fox, appreciating some of the smaller details even the camera couldn’t pick up, like a faded scar or some of the aging of his skin, textured tastefully from years of existence.]

yknow, i really appreciate this though. i get it and expected it, you cant treat me too well. but i guess my surrender deserved a little something.. hopefully if i can perform as well as some of your regulars maybe this little exchange can repeat.. maybe a burn per cigarette i know your fans just love burns…

[He rolls up one of his sleeves to reveal a small assortment of round burns, some scarred and some fresher than the rest, on the underside of his arm, turning it slightly to be seen by the Fox.]

wouldnt be anything too new to me!

[Another drag of his cigarette leaves his lips, his finally burnt nearly to the butt with a small ember left, he looks down to his arm and swiftly extinguishes what was left of it onto his arm, letting out a soft hiss as it goes out, leaving a raw red divet where it was shoved.]

guess im not feeling too bad, definitely better now after your gift. im pretty eager to get on camera, honestly its going to be different being on the other side of the screen. never thought id actually do it but uh hey were here now arent we? im glad your excited for it! wouldnt be much of a stream without your enthusiasm would it? sounds like youve already began cooking up a little in your head? do i get a heads up on the plans or am i going into the first round blind?

[He looks up at the Fox, watching his tail sway and ears perk as he listens. Trying to keep a relaxed demeanour as the Fox’s aura fills the room.]

[Fox rose an eyebrow at the comment about the van, he wasn’t very knowledgeable in machinery, especially when it came to vehicles, he usually let Kangaroo deal with that. Nonetheless, he nodded his head at the other man’s comment.]

New suspension, eh? I’ll bring that up with Kangaroo later. I don’t do the machine work around here anyways.

[The beastkin grinned when he heard that the other punched one of his men in the gut, it did explain why one of them was nearly coughing up a lung when they returned with him. He loves when his new stars put up a fight. It’s more fun.]

Ooo!~ I see you like put up a fight, eh? That’ll be exciting.

[Fox was about to talk about how he has multiple different methods of giving people burns, some more brutal then others, but seeing the random man he kidnapped casually roll up his sleeve to reveal his cigarettes burn scars and put another one out on himself like was a human ashtray nearly made the older man’s jaw drop. Oh, he got LUCKY. The man’s words started falling on deaf ears as Fox processed what he just witnessed, his legs shifting around a bit to hide…something.]

Oh? Um. Uh…y-yes. I have SEVERAL ideas in mind for you, little pet.

[Fox then smirked sinisterly as he saw he was at the butt of his own cigarette now, he then, without warning, quickly gripped onto the others still exposed arm with his free hand and used the other to press the somewhat still lit butt into his arm, pushing it nice and deep into his flesh so it’ll hurt worse.]

Feel good, darling?~ This is one of the MANY things I’m going to do to you on stream. <3

[skishie]

omga i love your airphone gijinkas

anyways i uave no idea if youve already said this somewhere ,my memory sucks ,but how do you reckon airy and mephone met. what is ur perosnal headcanon. grabby hands i must know (i love airphon

UUWAAAA THANK YOU !!! im really glad you do... looks up at you so politely and with a big smile.. i want to draw them again but better and more like a ref so hopefully soon! :D aaaatehee heeee i have not spoken about it publicly so im more than open to go into it now... cracks my knuckles(its actually not that intense but i jsut have a lot of thoughts)

OKAY, so personally i like to think about it starting after airy dies the second time(the end of ONE). its nice for him to still have gone through everything hes done and experienced because its what makes him him. he needs to be the airy we know and love. this also allows for bonding and growth and other such things. anyways, he uses the radio and ends up in the world of inanimate insanity! this would also take place after season 3 has wrapped up, either before or after the library is built. this means he can meet mephone and they can start bonding over being hosts of game shows but as airy talks mephone starts to understand "wow he just like me, but i got better, and now i want to help him" so mephone feels this need to help airy out with the same growth that mephone jsut went through. but also anyone whos been through the isolation that airy has been through along with dying who knows how many times. mephone just wants to help him and help his mental state and get him resocialized and to a point where he understands why he should be a bit more thoughtful or so on and whatever. airy would still be his old self but a bit more caring/understanding to a degree. i think hes just got some mental problems going on and hes just kind of an odd guy. mephone lets him hang around and either they could MAYBE? co host together, but at first hes just watching mephone do a show first before anything like that. which he watches from afar. hes not so used to being upclose or even being around people anymore so he likes to watch from a distance. as time goes on yada yada mephone would develop feelings first, and airy would much later. mephone would develop feelings while helping airy and such, airy takes a lot longer because he is readjusting and just, getting some basic social skills back. i like them in part because i just see mephone having gone through the growth he went through because he was similar to airy, and then meeting airy after this and realizing "wow i should help him too because this is just how i was and id hate to see someone else suffer the way i did" kind of thing and blah blah idk sorry i yapped and i hope any of this makes sense/is readable period. i ramble a lot and my thoughts kind of get lost oops. im not great with words or wording things well. not everything is thought out but those are my thoughts :] ps: airy still has the cracked head because thats just how i personally like to see him and draw him. i also think that if he died and came back that after all hes done, thats more akin to who he is now. hes a broken individual who needs help/fixing. if that makes sense(also a bit of self projecting) pps: my boyfriend wanted to add his two cents for what he knows of mephone as well(hes not finished season 3 yet) and yknow,,, hes right i think its a mix of what i said and mix of what he said... which is: "wow he just like me for real, not anymore though, also this guy's committed some major fucked up stuff and that's just not right, if i fix this guy maybe it'll look really good for me"

[my-castles-crumbling]

hiya cas!! so i saw about your new job - congratulations!! im glad you were able to find something better for you, especially somewhere where your identity will be respected <33

as for advice with middle schoolers, ive only done a short teaching experience with kids aged 13-16 but hopefully some of it could be of use! (once ive finished my university course in teaching, ill absolutely be asking your advice in return ahaha)

so this ones less like advice and more just... a suggestion, i guess? maybe not for your first year there if you dont want to have too much on your plate or if you dont have time, but if theres any sort of extracurricular activities or lunchtime clubs you might want to set up, do it!! it creates such a safe space for kids if they dont feel like they can go outside/in the lunchhall etc - i definitely benefitted from a few myself when i was at school - and it helps make your classroom feel like a place kids can go to whenever they need help, which is huge. my english teacher at my first high school literally saved me by setting up her creative writing club, and we barely actually wrote stuff. but just by her having that space for me, it made me feel like her room was a welcoming place for me to exist whenever i needed support or somewhere to take a breath, and showed me that she was a safe person to be around <3

also, this maybe seems like an obvious one but just be yourself! dont try too hard to be likeable; im absolutely not saying to be an awful person, but i just mean that trying too hard will make the kids lose any respect for you because theyll deem you cringe :/ be yourself!! im sure theyll love you!

its okay to make mistakes, too, and if you do make any, dont try to hide them if anyone notices!! the kids need to know that its okay not to get things right all the time - perfection is not going to happen every time! i wish someone had shown me that in school. most of my teachers either hid their mistakes or they blamed it on others, which in turn made me feel like i had to hide and deflect my own mistakes too. its still a habit im trying to unlearn

i dont think ive got much else to say? a lot of it looks to have already been covered by others ahaha

best of luck!! youve got this in the bag, cas <33

Hi hon!!! Thank you so much for all of this advice, I really appreciate it. I think it's hilarious that you were in a middle school creative writing club that didn't actually do much writing because...I was too lol. Is that a common queer experience? Were your teacher's initials perhaps DM? (because that would be so fucking insane).

But YES I definitely want to do a club. I actually don't know if they have a GSA yet, so if they don't I'm gonna look into that. But if they do, a writing club sounds amazing.

[jlquarterly]

hey i just wanted to say that i love your spreadsheets SO much i hold them almost reverently they're amazing!!!! your yj reading guide has really saved me and now i fear kon is my favorite char of all time.. if you ever decide to share the teen titans sheet youve been working on it will be such a beautiful day.. thank you so much for the work you do i hope youre doing good!!

i’m so happy you like the guides!! and i am SO happy you like kon, he truly is THE BEST EVER!!!!

here’s the titans guide, if you want! it’s nowhere near complete, but i haven’t really read comics in like two months and i really don’t know when i’m getting back to it, so maybe it’s just better to post the part i’ve done. rn it covers from 1980 (the start of ntt vol. 1) to 1995 (almost to the end of new titans). hopefully i’ll complete it in the near future but i don’t really know.

anyway, i’m very glad you like the guides so much!! and hopefully the titans spreadsheet can be helpful!

[prestonmonterey]

TLT UPDATE!! BEFORE I GO TO BED

(gods im so tired...)

@vincentaureliuslin @tatsumisheep3

no photos today so heres my cat :P

OPENING NIGHT!!! it went super well!!!!! (i think)

it was PA night so the understudys were percy and annabeth and they killed it!!!!!! :DDDD

also my director gave me a compliment today so im in a good mood (it was somethin along the lines of "you finally did a good job as cerberus" but ill take what i can get...) (i still have beef with him but.. whatever....)

its crazy how fast this show is going and that itll all be over after sunday,, but also i am SO tired bc we literally spend more time at school than at home this week :(

also getting a lotta acne bc im not used to wearing this much make up every day :P

but hey at least ill get to rest a teeny bit on the weekend (just in the morning TwT bc we have matinees)

also my parents and some of my friends are comin tomorrow so they BETTER FUCKIN BUY ME CANDY (i really really really want candygrams... one of the stage managers got like 4 boxes of candy i am so jealous...)

also also also we did the legacy robe last night before preview night and my friend (and mother /ij) got it :DDDD very happy for her

um um um i felt like i had more to say but idk this is already a lot and i cant remember things im kinda tired :P

oh i finally got my camper necklace!!! the beads were missing for like a week but they were just on the table in the costuming room... anyway my friend made it for me during tech class bc shes so so sooo sweet <3 (while i was in math trying to force my friend to study... *stares at neeks* /aff) i got four beads that kinda almost make the ace flag!! (black for tech, silver for the fall play, light blue for this show, and purple for my grade)

idk if i explained it before but all of our necklaces represent how much theater we've done,,, bc its kinda like how long we've been at camp. theres a bead for each grade based on our class colors, and the tlt bead, so everyone gets at least 2. theres also beads for each of the past musicals and plays at school, and a black bead if youve done tech, and a white bead if youve done leadership :D some of the seniors have like most of their necklace filled because of how many shows theyve done

heres another cat pic to keep you engaged and reading this /hj

also also also many many thanks to my wonderful actor and tech friends i would not survive without them (especially thanks to tech bc they have to put up with us actors... /hj) its poseidon's actors first show i think and they have a LOT of quick changes so their section of the rack is,,, kind of a mess. also the lamp for the oracle scene has broken multiple times i think already... and i already left my make up bag out yesterday and my watch in the cubbies today TwT we are a hot mess

my graphic design teacher was acting today :D (the farmer in drive is a teacher role, and they switch out every night) and i love him being so absolutely perplexed by the energy circle before show :333

also i remembered to put setting powder on for the first time,,, and... i forgot that my mom is SO much paler than me TwT (i was very washed out...) so ill probably stick to spray for the rest of the week :P

sorry i really am rambling tonight...

ok i will probably hopefully do at least one more update after strike on sunday!! (depending on how tired i am,, i might just curl up on the floor and sleep after the sunday show actually...) unless something goes horribly wrong,,, then ill probably post about it too

good night!! i need to collapse in bed and try to save up enough energy for tomorrows show :3

have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! (or you'll die straight...)

[keibea]

thank you both @simstuition & @nectar-cellar !!! TWO WHOLE ASKS WOWOWOWOWOW

putting this under read more since most have probably seen these if youve followed me for a while BAHAHA

to some, this won't come as a surprise, but my most fave post of all time is still this one:

i just popped off with this one (in my opinion LOL) and ive never been able to create anything like it since.

a few other notable mentions from the sims 3:

the "finn" one i still love to this day, i was trying out more simple editing, and i think it turned out just how i wanted it. the elodie in the field one is something i wanted to recreate for ages, and im very proud of the final product! i find that it takes a while to learn to love all your posts, even the ones you hate, but im getting better! the last one is from the collab i did with three of my besties, and i absolutely adored how it came out. it was one attempt at doing something proper photography-esque and im really proud of my attempt!

this one above is probably one you guys havent seen, but i did post it on reddit. i try not to post my gameplay because i tend to get bored easily and it never lasts long. or, as is the case a lot in sims 3, the save gets too laggy to play. i think with this save, it was a bit of both, but i still adored this wedding picture of my two sims.

and from sims 4 (weirdly quite a few more?? i thought i would like more of my sims 3 posts but guess not)

the statue photo is one of my all time faves. when i was editing, i was like, this is actually awesome jessie im so proud of you. and the top one was eli and elodie in sims 4, and i just loved the lighting and elodie's hair flowing. if you have any pics you like of mine, id love to hear...

thank you to both again for asking me to do this, i feel like looking back on your favourites gives you a lot more confidence about what you can do. a reminder that despite what my thoughts keep telling me, im not so horrible at this, and i can be proud of things that ive made. i feel very inspired, so hopefully maybe i can produce something...but first assignments, UGH!