#or jusy talk. thays fine too.

[edlucavalden]

The aftermath of being in a toxic (abusive?idk) relationship is certainly... something!

I guess it just sucks. not only do i have to deal with the feeling of betrayal over someone i cared about hurting me really badly but i also i have with cope the damage the relationship did to me in the first place.

I was bed bound at some point. I didn't eat or take care of myself. I guess im just shell shocked... abused to the point relapsing really hard to self harm and eating disorders, like genuinely suicidal haha. I was literally just dead at that point.... it was. Bad

Like omg lmfao its crazy how even now i still doubt that it was that bad...Irs hard to think rationally and logically when youve been hurt to the point where youre constantly in fight or flight mode. You dont realize it when uour in it... until its too late

.. im only functional now because i have a routine to follow, and even then, im barely doing so haha. Living on only a routine is barely living at all... not to mention that i have trouble maintaining it, i dont really have the desire to soo its a little harder. Then again Its better than literally being catatonic for weeks straight..

It'll... hopefully be ok. After all i ended things a month ago so. (Its crazy how recent it is haha) itll be hard but i know i can do this. Even if its just alone.

(Have kbms bc why tf not

In hindsight i dont think i should be talking about super personal information like this in my public accs but. I really dont care anymore. Its my blog i can do what i want.