#hopefully i'll have the last one up tomorrow but idk

[uwuthomasuwu]

The universe loves me

[qu1cks1lversb1tch]

Killer | Vox x Reader

Warnings: mentions of murder, blood, dead bodies, established relationship (married), HUMAN VOX, NSFW (18+), p in v, slight breeding kink but otherwise vanilla for my first 'smutty' Vox writing, reader is heavily implied to be female, Valentino existing

Word Count: 1.0K

Summary: Your husband came home from work to find a rather interesting sight in his living room. . . Made him wanna do a thing or two. . . Idk 💀✨

A/N — I couldn't not use this gif — I love it. I don't mention him by name until the end because we don't know what his name was while he was alive. . . It could've been Vox in both, but I'm not taking chances, so I used sweet little names instead. . . He also has dark hair and blue eyes in my mind. HOPE Y'ALL LIKE THIS ONE 💕 (I drew/made the MDNI banner myself — tell me you're proud of me. . . I'm gonna pretend I didn't write this when I wake up tomorrow 😭, but hopefully someone does like it)

Blood dripped from the hand of the body that was carelessly draped across the coffee table, the metallic smelling crimson staining the white rug below.

You stood firmly, hands on your hips as you stared at your husband, who, in turn, stared at the body as if it would suddenly disappear if he looked away.

"You killed her." He stated rather plainly, a glint in his eyes as he turned to look at you in all of your glory — bloodied hands, stained apron tied around your waist, hair tousled, and ripped pantyhose. . . It was odd for him to see you so unkempt. Had he not been your childhood friend turned lover and husband, you might have had something snarky to say in response to his obvious comment.

You hummed, assessing the expanding puddle on the new rug that nearly costed a fortune. "Yes, it seems I have."

"Did she deserve it?"

"They always do." You replied nonchalantly, removing your hands from your hips as you walked towards your husband — silently thanking whatever higher power that the blood on your hands had dried. You pulled him down by his tie and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Welcome home, my love. . . Dinner will be done shortly. It's your favorite."

"I'll handle the mess while you finish up." Came his response.

You smiled as a thank you before going off into the kitchen to wash up the last couple dishes and stir the pot of stew that had been cooking low and slow all afternoon.

Your beloved husband entered the kitchen a bit later, hands coated in dirt and blood with the sleeves of his white dress shirt rolled up to his elbows.

He stood there for a moment watching you as if you were an animal of prey and he was an apex predator. Your breath hitched when that glint of something familiar returned to his electric blue gaze.

Within a moment, his hands drenched in sticky blood found your face, gently caressing it and leaving trails of the viscoelastic fluid behind as he brought you into a rough yet passionate kiss.

His hands trailed down your clothed body until they reached your thighs. . . With his fingers grasping the plush flesh, he hoisted you onto the counter top.

"Are you certain you want to do this before dinner, Honey?" You asked breathlessly just as his hands fell to his belt buckle, hastily undoing it with the metallic clicks of the silver colored mechanism, the leather falling from the silvery confines.

"No time like the present, Doll." He replied, practically ripping the button from the hole of his perfectly tailored suit pants.

"Carry on, Darling." You hummed.

He bunched up the skirt of your dress before reaching just below and ripping a large hole in the already destroyed pantyhose, all to gain access to the already soaked cotton fabric beneath.

The singular piece of fabric that separated your pussy from the warmed air of the kitchen.

"All mine. . ." He muttered in awe, rubbing the pad of his thumb up and down the large spot of arousal that had formed since he arrived home. You couldn't help it. Your husband was a fine specimen.

You whined at the need for something more; your darling husband only smirked before completely ripping the beloved pair of panties away, tossing them to the floor — he always said he'd get you more, and he always did. His thumb returned, slipping through your glistening folds before gravitating towards the sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Need you, Honey, please. . ." Your sweet voice cut through the silence with a whimper at the end — that was all it took for your husband's restraint to fly out the window.

He freed his bulging cock from the confines of his pants and boxers, immediately lining it up with the entrance. With your silent nod of approval, he slowly slid it into your sopping wet pussy.

He grunted as he bottomed out, paired almost perfectly with your moan as you adjusted to his sheer length and girth — it didn't matter how many times the two of you fucked, it was always like the first time.

After a moment he began thrusting and your sweet noises filled the room along with the sound of skin on skin. One of his hands held on to your waist so you wouldn't slip, and the other held on tightly to the counter.

"Taking me so well just like you always do, Doll." He grunted in your ear, his pace picking up as you moaned his name like a prayer on the lips of an angel, your fingers laced in his soft, dark hair.

It wasn't very long before the coil within began to build with pressure until it finally snapped, bringing you to a much needed orgasm that caused you to release your hold on his hair and clench around him, unintentionally milking your husband's cock. He came, painting your insides white, yet his thrusts didn't cease until he felt the very last drop enter you.

He then pulled out slowly, using his thumb to push his seed back inside of you as it tried to escape. "Gonna be a good mother one day, Doll."

"I'll try to be," you replied breathlessly before plastering a smile on your face, as if you didn't get railed in the kitchen by your husband, where your neighbor could've seen. "Dinner?"

"That sounds good, Doll. . . Let's get you cleaned up."

Sixty or so years later. . .

"Remember that time we fucked in the kitchen with a dead body two rooms over because the ground was frozen, so we couldn't dispose of it properly?" You questioned casually at dinner.

Vox looked up from his plate, a smirk falling onto his face. "Which time?"

"Well, this just got interesting." Valentino muttered into his drink, looking between you and Vox.

"When I killed Dorothy, of course."

"Can you not talk about your serial killer sex shit at the table!? I'd like to eat without the imagery." Velvette groaned, sliding her plate back slightly.

"Would you rather listen to Val talk about all the positions he's had his new favorite toy in?" Vox questioned.

"Hey!" Valentino whined.

[koolades-world]

Hi, hopefully it's still before the 5th for you bcz idk, bcz of the time zones 😭 Asmo and the number 40 would be cute imo. Congrats on 2k, that's a huge number! You must be really proud of yourself! Wish ya even more! 💕

thank you! don't worry you were on time!

so glad to see the asmo lovers come out of the woodworks for this event. i'll compile a masterlist once i complete the final request tomorrow but i think he got four requests which might be the most!

enjoy <3

prompt 40 w/ Asmo

Although Asmo was the avatar of lust and was famous for his physical beauty, you were surprised at just how many people overlooked the other beautiful things about him. Maybe it was just because they didn't know him like you did, but you could argue that his inner beauty rivaled that of what he showed off daily. There was no doubt that he was gorgeous, but he had many other glowing qualities.

You adored his mannerisms, like the way his hand always found it's way into yours when you walked side by side and the way he always looked out for you. He always scanned a room, looking specifically for you, and the way his face lit up when he saw you was adorable. You could help but melt at every time he went out of his way for you and appreciated you for you, and not what you stood for. You couldn't imagine your life without him. He always found a way to seamlessly add you to his packed schedule and you felt as if you were together more than you were apart.

One of your favorite things about him was his laugh, which was surprisingly something he didn't talk about much. He admitted to you once while drunk that the reason for this was because he didn't like it. You'd tried to comfort him in the moment, but he'd moved on and ran off before you could. After that, it hadn't come up again and you didn't want to drag down his mood. Any time he laughed at a joke you made, or when he saw one of his brother do something stupid, you thought about how much you loved it. To you, it was like the sound of the last school bell of the day. Hearing it instantly made you day better every time you heard it.

You couldn't fathom why he hated it, since he was the most handsome individual you'd ever met, inside and out. But, you always never pestered him about it because you knew what it was like to be insecure and dislike something about yourself. It was human, after all. Despite all that though, you'd always hoped that it might come up naturally one day and you could tell him you adored it.

"Mc, sweetheart, do you want another sweet tea?" Asmo got up and stretched his legs. Since the weather permitted it, the two of you, and his brothers were having a beach day. At first, it was just the two of you, but one by one, his brothers invited themselves along until they all wanted to go. Asmo didn't want to give up your time together, so he made his brothers promise they'd give you space. You knew that wouldn't last long, but you let him has his moment.

"No thanks. I'm still working on this one." You gestured to the half full glass beside you.

"Alright." He walked around behind your chairs to the cooler and refilled his own glass. He sat back down once he was done. Rather than shut his eyes again, he watched his brothers fool around closer to the water. Mammon and Levi were fooling around knee deep in the water. After a well timed, swift push from Levi, Mammon feel into the water. It must've been deeper than it looked behind him, because he got totally submerged. He came back up about a second later, furious at Levi. He tried a couple times to shove Levi back but failed every time. Asmo burst out laughing like he hadn't in a while, swatting your arm a couple times to make sure you were watching. While what Levi and Mammon were doing was undeniably funny, you couldn't tear your eyes away from Asmo.

"What? I know I'm beautiful." He swept his bangs aside and smiled at you, fluttering his eyelashes.

"You have such a pretty laugh is all." Asmo seemed a little surprised at your words. He opened and closed his mouth a couples times before shutting it all together. "Really, you do. I love it."

He wordlessly started at you, before responding with a quiet, "Thank you." The rest of your afternoon together was just as it had been before, but you caught Asmo giving you significantly more lingering looks. That night, his Devilgram post about you beach trip was very sweet and was mostly pictures of you and him together. He sat down with you after dinner and gave you a hug, and insisted on cuddling. You noticed he started to laugh more after you'd told him that. How wonderful it was to see how far one sweet compliment could take him. You were glad you could uplift him in the same way he uplifted you countless times.

[kiwi-luminaryofthestars]

03/14/2025 Progress Update:

TLDR: A little over 1K more drafted today, we're at a bit over 17K. Draft is very close to complete. ETA for draft is this weekend, hopefully editing done by next weekend. Then however long it takes to beta!

Got into my writing mode as soon as I got home (made a whole fire in my fire pit and everything) AAAND got super distracted because I forgot about the open house tomorrow. So, had to clean, fold laundry, do dishes, tuck away tarantula enclosures, etc. Then read Believe's awesome fic (GO READ PLS) and about to proofread watermelpm's Kokichi character analysis (that is ALSO cool and you should read when she posts, will link when she does).

All just to say I think more than 1K drafted today is an accomplishment for all I had going on lmao. And we are extremely extremely close to ch 5 being completely drafted. I'd say probably less than 1K words away (DO NOT HOLD ME TO THAT, YOU KNOW ME AND MY FUCKING YAPS).

Most happy news of this is I finally feel like I got my head around the second section, which was killing me. Shuichi was just not clicking for me and I think I tweaked his motivations/thought process enough to get it where I need it. I'm still iffy on the conclusion of the section and will likely ask beta if it's adequate or if another idea I had to end it is better (SO EXCITING having a beta for this thing btw, though I'm gonna have such a hard time not spoiling for them).

Otherwise, it's just wrapping up the third section and we gucci to start editing. Which I don't anticipate taking me TERRIBLY long because I already have tweaked so much of this draft that I've sorta edited a bit already lmao (I try not to let myself do that but we broke the rules a bit this time).

In other uhhhh baby writing news, I sorta wrote 1K of a one-shot idea between last night and this morning lmao. My friend is the only one privileged to know about said project rn (because they gave me the idea when I was talking their ear off about Kiwi lore lmao) and it will probably stay that way for a while, 'cause idk when I'll finish it (I gotta at least get ch 5 and 6 out, then f&f chapter 2 probably; I'm gonna have to make a list of projects on my tumblr or something now lmao). BUT BUT it's an idea that I'm literally in love with, like I can't explain to you how much I like it. Mostly because it's another self-indulgent one and using my own niche knowledge in random ass shit. Write what you know!

JESUS LONG UPDATE SORRY!! I gotta be up in 5 hours... So I should probably fucking actually proofread this analysis and go the hell to bed. Hope you all have a lovely weekend! I'm gonna write hella these last two days of spring break, I'm excited!!

[py-dreamer]

Ooop- so it's almost mid september...

Y'know what that means?

Yea so we have a return of the stickers!!!

Well less stickers and kinda whatever this is Ig

Don't get me wrong I'm still super proud of it! I suppose it was meant to be like stickers from last year but it kinda escalated and sort off got a wee bit out of hand...

...just a tad bit...

Woooh! So anyone who's in the KNY hotpot might recognize this style and yes I did basically use the KNY birthday art format but COME ON!!!

IT'S SO CUTE!!!

LOOK AT MAH BOIII SITTING ON THAT CAKE!!!

I JUST WANNA NOM BIG BITE!!!

(If you can't tell I do really like this cake art)

I promise this time it is really 10 days till my actual birthday unlike the whoopsie 11 I did last year -_-'

And I know it's not Mk's birthday even though it looks like it is, I know. But it's the bloody format of the art and Idk how else to change it. Besides I think they slay in those birthday outfits.

And it was fun to do my sticker style in a bigger thing!

But Idk if it's cause I haven't touched my bloody stylus in ages or I've been swimming in the KNY hotpot for too long BUT WHY WAS MK'S FACE SO HARD TO DRAW FROM THE FRONT VIEW!!!

I HAD TO COMPROMISE, MANS LOOKING TOWARDS THE SIDE!!!! LIKE XIAOTIAN I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO SQUEEZE THEM CUTE LIL CHEEKS OF YOURS BUT WHY ARE YOU SO HARD TO DRAW FROM THE FRONT!??!?

HE LOOKED LIKE A BLOODY CAT WITH SLIT EYES Y'ALL!!!

Oml...regardless, I did have a lot of fun with this and had lots of fun with the decorations and such. If you were here last year, your keen memory and astute eye might notice that the cake is the same cake I used in the 'shenanigans in space' birthday stickers I did last year!

@leesbian42, @cats-and-confusion remember that lol?

So the tiny memory flower thing and star candies are an homage to that :)

(btw, pssttt @emerialyncodevenice I know we haven't talked in a while but you mentioned that you liked the bloomin cake and was thinking of using it. Feel free to use this if you like, Idk how just credit me m'kay?)

But anyways, if y'all wanna use this pic, again. Pls credit me.

AND NO REPOSTING PLEASE!!!

The decorations are meant to be sugar cookies and idk what the icing is. Since I'm thinking more of an east asian fruit cake (those really really soft fluffy spongy ones) I was thinking more like light yellow dyed whipping cream and less buttercream.

Maybe even some kinda custard Idk...(does custard go well with cake?)

The orange chunks are meant to be like mango balls or chunks and hopefully the red thingys in the middle read across as strawberries

I had to include the Monkey king plush, he's just so little!

I was tempted to draw in the other characters as plushies since they are as important to MK probably but it's getting late and I'd already been working on this baby for like 3 hours already.

All in all, I do really like this and ngl, pray this doesn't flop.

I know my single stickers don't always do well but pls y'all I like this very much...

It is nice to compare this year's work and last year and I am proud to say I have improved at least somewhat

And as for why I rarely post, well I've gotten back from my holiday but sadly I'm at that age where work and stuff will be my main focus for the time being.

Got a lot of assignments and tests y'know...

(hell I have one due the 17th and tests to do tomorrow and here I am faffing on about legos on tumblr)

And like I said, I have been blipping and dabbing in demon slayer, read a lot more KNY fics lately (I actually have a mini sketch of kamaboko squad as hashiras, heavily inspired off of other designs but even so-, if I'm in the mood I might post that!)

But enough yapping, I'll try my best to keep up this 10 days thing

(if you don't know up till my birthday for 10 days I try to post a sticker or thingy like this one)

no promises since I am busier this year but this was a lot of fun so you'll definitely see some stuff.

(I just realized I have to keep up this level of detail in my other stuff T^T save meeeeeee plsssss)

[anipgarden]

Oh yeah just because I feel like rambling

If my garden plans work out as intended it's gonna be absolutely banging this year. The only thing that could stop me is my bad watering memory skills, my bad weeding skills, and my tendency to step on things on accident.

But even with just the vegetables and fruits the plan is

Tomatoes. Hoo buddy the tomatoes. Last year I had 12 tomatoes (6 romas and 6 beefsteaks) but the 6 cells I picked up had extras in them, which means if I separate them well enough I can get 7 beefsteaks and 14 roma tomato plants. I'm gonna have to find space. But goddammit I will find space.

Peppers. Just sweet banana peppers this time for now (bellpeppers grow too slow for too little reward imo) but I picked up a 6 cell of those. I've also still got some plants that hung on for the entirety of winter (Florida for the win) so whether or not those stay where they're at is. A Decision I'll have to make tomorrow.

I've already planted carrots and peas that are starting to come up, but I might plant more because I didn't get as many as I was hoping for by the tomato cages. I also planted lettuce seeds, cabbage seeds, and green onion seeds that I've seen not much results from so if those pop up they pop up but otherwise I think its a bit late to plant more? I'll recheck the extensions site.

I'm gonna try growing watermelon again!!! I got 3 bags of compost and at least one and a half of those bags is gonna be dedicated to making a nice mound to plant seeds in. The year we used fresh compost was the year they grew best, but trying to reuse the same mound in later years yielded not much in the span of results. Time for new compost on a new mound.

I'm gonna try growing zucchini and squash again this year! Some in my bins (might need a soil refresh, hence more compost) and some in the ground (we'll see how it goes). Hopefully if I start them now instead of waiting till April (I did NOT know I could plant them as early as late Feb until like 3 weeks ago in my area) then they'll get to a decent size before the snails and slugs get voracious. If not. We'll see what happens.

I might try growing cucumbers but idk man.

All this on top of my plans for growing swamp milkweed, purple coneflowers, rudbeckia, and more. I also still have rights over the front yard landscaping, so I'm responsible for finding more butterfly weed and liatris plants at the plant sales in April (the ones I planted in October are either still dormant or dead. Out of the 5 liatris I planted then I only see signs of 1 coming back, and none of the butterfly weeds. Fingers crossed though.)

All this to say. I'm excited! Fingers crossed, everyone!

[nextinline-if]

Hello Vi ☺️

Has anyone asked about the fake-out make-out scenario yet? I hope you have an amazing day 💛

Hi Anon! ☺️

I let your ask sit for a longgggg while, sorry anon. <3 forgive me pls.

I'm going to do Constantine today and do a different one tomorrow, etc! I'll just reblog and add :)

warning: kissing, touching, etc! (I think these are obvious but!)

uhm okay so I've never written one of these, idk if I did okay or if this wasn't 100% matching the scenario, hopefully I didn't break any rules? lol okay bye

Constantine (MC initiates)

You glance back over your shoulder, meeting Constantine's eyes as you force your feet to move. He shakes his head. "Don't stop running," he replies roughly.

You never excepted a visit to the capital to turn into a coup attempt. How did they know you were going to be here? It's only been four months since your brother abdicated and this was an unannounced outing.

You force the thoughts away and turn the corner, your footsteps pounding against the cobblestone. Up ahead, the doors to a brothel are open. You can hear the sounds of pleasure and poetry. You urge your feet forward and make for the entrance. "Follow me," you shout without looking.

Constantine's brows furrow but he does as you command. He'd follow you into a fire - a brothel isn't so different, is it?

You grab his hand as soon as he crosses the threshold, weaving you both around sweaty bodies full of intoxication and anticipation.

Once in the corner, you face each other, neither able to speak as you attempt to catch your breath. You start taking off his armor. "What are you doing?" He looks nervous as his eyes glance around, but he doesn't move to stop you.

You laugh softly, drawing his piercing blue gaze back to your face. "Your armor isn't exactly inconspicuous."

He nods. "You think they'll check in here?"

"You trust me, right?" You throw the last piece of armor behind the settee as heavy footsteps hammer their way toward the brothel.

"Of course," he says, swallowing hard.

"Good," you reply, pushing him into a seat. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth but you climb on top of him as the rebels stream through the door. There's no time to think so you crash your lips against his.

Your heart hammers in your ears. If they find you, at least you can say you went out with the feeling of his lips on yours. With the comfort of his hand in your hair, pulling you closer. Not that you care about any of that. But everyone should die in peace, right?

If this wasn't life or death, you'd almost believe he wants this. You'd almost believe you want this.

Focus, you tell yourself. Focus on the environment, not his rough lips gently caressing yours.

You can hear the lyre again and the sounds of lovers returning to their activities so you pull away. Your lungs needed air regardless. Constantine stares at you for a moment and you stare back.

"Uhm, thank you," you blurt out.

He tilts his head, "Thank...you?"

Your eyes widen and you move away, turning away to grab his armor. "For trusting me. I'm sorry for...that. I needed to get them off our trail." You take a breath, steeling your face before turning around to hand him his armor.

He takes it quickly, his face giving nothing away. "It was a brilliant plan, Your Highness."

Neither of you speaks until you reach the castle to alert the others of your escape.

[wecandoit]

hey guys. currently in a bit of a crisis (but its chill, it's fine, we're chillin) so a rant under the cut

it's the first time i've ever left an assignment to be done so last minute. technically this submission is only due 3pm tomorrow (it's currently 10:28pm) but i have to wake up at 5am to go to work and don't get home til around 4.30pm, so really, i have until 5am to finish this assignment. and it's for a unit that i really want to improve my grades on (i've got a structure down, and my sources ready, just gotta write up the five pages, do the referencing and proofing)

but really i'm just a bit terrified because i had weeks, literally weeks, to get this done but i just... didn't? and i did similar things for my last two assignments too and i just--i can't afford to do this, you know? this is my dream, and i can't believe i'm sabotaging myself like this.

i was looking into scholarships for next year bc i could really use it, and i'm just 3% away from being eligible for our uni's merit-based one. and the worst part is, i feel like i could have really easily gotten it if i had put in a tiny bit more effort last year. and yet even knowing this, i can't bring myself to get on top of my game for this semester.

i've just been wanting to sleep all the time, even though i'm constantly napping. i don't even think it's a depressive episode though, because emotionally i'm not really struggling. maybe i'm mentally exhausted? but again, i feel like i've been doing nothing all semester so idk what i'm even exhausted from.

this is my final assignment submission for the year so i'm really hoping that once the stress of deadlines is over, i can actually be productive and study for exams properly (and catch up on like half a semester of missed lectures and exams for half my units)

i'm going to take a 20 minute nap, and hopefully i'll be able to get my head in the game and finish writing this up and do the referencing. i'll try do the proofing and submission at work tomorrow.

thanks to whoever read this and i'm sorry if i got you down. sending you all my best wishes with your work/study/other endeavours<333

xx dilli

[tgirlblogger]

Hello Diary Readers!!!!! ✨

Diary on pause! I just don't want to do them! But I do still want to talk to people! Anyone really. DM me if you wanna!

Hi! This is my personal diary now, I'm still gonna try to make wormposts and whatnot but most of the time I'm just gonna post down my thoughts (which is what I've been doing for the last bit) but the main change is that I'm gonna try to keep an effort to make like literal actual diary entries every day.

Feel free to like DM me or really ask me anything (and I mean anything! I like asks!) I really like receiving attention and love 24/7 so if you want to talk or ask for my discord go for it! Genuinely I feel really lonely a lot of the time. I am a minor, so like just putting that out there and stuff.

Hi! I don't really have a name for myself, when I need to get one I'll probably just make up a random one, names don't really matter to me in all honesty. Today I'm Lillian, tomorrow I might be Ellie, or Ally, or whatever. It doesn't really matter to me all too much.not like its super hurtful if you do I don't care too much in all honesty. Like right now if I had to choose a name I'd say Lillian (it's not a Twig reference! it just kinda sounds similar to my birth name), but like I don't care.

Keeping that blurb just in case I decide that I don't like this name but Hi! My name is Evette! (it is a twig reference this time).

I'm a tgirl, she/her, pre-everything (starting HRT this year hopefully!), I'm not out to anyone but my family (and that's not really by choice. I might talk about it sometime idk, its a whole can of worms), As mentioned above, I'm 15 (I turn 16 this year), which is kinda sad, because like obviously given my current conditions I'm not bound to have a long lifespan, but whatever, live fast die young and all that. (probably going to regret that mantra).

I'm Canadian, parents are Chinese, I don't really feel a big connection with China or whatnot, I know mandarin and I know bits and pieces of the shanghai language, and like my dad taught me general knowledge of ancient Chinese history, but like he was obviously wrong on a lot of stuff (I think he still believes in the Out of Asia theory?) He (and my mom) are also really racist about a lot of stuff so I don't really trust a lot of the knowledge on what they taught me.

I probably have bulimia (I'm pretty sure I'm cured now) and/or anorexia, I think it stemmed from me trying to delay puberty by trying to stop taking in as much food as I could, but like I think puberty won that round honestly. Nowadays I'm really just more concerned about not gaining weight, and like yeah gaining weight is perfectly natural and normal and good for you and whatever but like, idk.

Also I self harm, not as much as I used to (not of my own volition, its just that my family is getting really good at finding my knives and taking them), I don't think I'm actually suicidal but like y'know, I've done things that could be interpreted as suicide attempts. I've been to the mental ward for one of those things, maybe I'll talk about it in a diary entry maybe not. I think the main reason why I want to cut is just like the sex appeal of it. Obviously you shouldn't cut yourself, but like it is like really really hot to me. There's just a sense of romanticism to it that makes it cool.

On a lighter note I'm into the works of Wildbow, specifically Worm, Twig, Claw, and Pact. If I had to rate them I'd say Worm is a 9.75, Twig is a 9, Claw is an 8.5, and Pact is a 9.5, but in my enjoyment of them I'd say Worm, then Claw, then Twig, then Pact.

My diary entries are probably going to be about school, self harm/suicidal ideation, my ED + weight gain/loss, or just bitching about my family. There's probably going to be a lot of self hate, self flagellation, etc etc. Just a general content warning. Though its not as if anyone's really going to read this though, I don't know why I'm really putting this here. Maybe its just for plausible deniability. I'll be tagging my entries with #diary entry and maybe a trigger warning. I don't think they'll be going to a wide enough audience that I need to put a tw in, but you know I guess its good practice.

On a side note, I'm also going to try to blog about my trying to make a tulpa with #tulpa progress. I'm trying to essentially just trying to become the alter, and have my tulpa be the host. (This part was edited in in post.)

I think I'm not the best person. I don't think I'm a really good person at all. Spending my formative years on edgy AI voiced youtube videos narrating 4chan and reddit posts probably wasn't the best thing that happened for me, and like I've done a lot of introspection on myself, Its just that I think every time I try to confront myself, I go through the same paths I've gone through, and travelling into the unknown is the most terrifying thing I could ever do. So I might just be blatantly wrong about a lot of stuff, I might embarass myself in the bad sort of way, I might even say shit that might be bigoted at times, and like I want to work on myself. Confront me. Please. I'll probably say some spiel on that on anything that I deem might edge the line, but on the slim chance that I don't and you've also read this. Tear me down.

I go to therapy (thank god for OHIP), and also I go to a psychologist (not really sure how they differ really, but one is free and the other costs 500 dollars a session). I don't really think they work for me, there's a bunch of factors that go into that, but I'm probably going to drag on psychiatry and the field and whatnot. I think there could be good therapists out there, I just don't feel like the vast majority of them are good.

Um so yeah that's my intro post! Thanks for reading and stuff.

TLDR: I'm trans, I'm 15, I'm lonely, DM me for my discord and stuff. I feel like I need attention 24/7 to survive.

I don't think I'm really going to be updating this all too often, but I might every once in a while.

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

[starlightshadowsworld]

My brains doing that thing where it works on 2 chapters at once.

Which are You don't know what I'd do (for you) and Mamas Boy. It's werid how both are on Chapter 4.

Idk how long I'll stick doing two before I possibly end up just sticking to one. Because that happens.

If so I'll probably continue the former because it's the last chapter. And I just want to finish that. So I'll probably have that up by the end of today.

And if not also today than hopefully tomorrow, update for Mama's Boy.

You don't know what I'd do (for you) is my Bsd fic where Atsushi solves the Cannabalism arc by making a deal with Fyodor.

It's part 2 of the series, the 1st is the deal itself and the 2nd is the Agency rescuing him and comforting him in the aftermath.

Mama's Boy is the Percy Jackson fic where Jason Grace dies and comes back as a Mania.

Can find em on here or at my A03 which is SparkyIceblaze.

[cryptidsurveys]

Tuesday, July 16th, 2024.

How have you been doing? I'm a little worn out from volunteering, but otherwise, I've been doing well. Cassie was telling me that I need to stay for a full day sometime, that way I can understand what they mean about the nonsense that goes on in the evenings. Basically, over the past few months, the time they actually get off work has been pushed farther and farther back. They're supposed to get off at 5pm, but Alex said the other day that she didn't get off until 6pm (and she already comes in ~30 minutes early). There also seems to be some growing animosity/resentment between the dog & cat people. Dog people are allegedly the hold-up. I'm not sure what changed, but it wasn't like this last summer. Cattery is usually finished early, often expected to help with the dog stuff; but when they ask for the final check to be done so they can go home, they're typically left for last.

I feel like that's eventually what will drive Cassie to quit. She had somewhere she had to be last night and they dragged things out until she was like, Yeah, I need to leave. She said it was "fine" in that situation; but in the future, when she has cheer practice, she's not going to be able to wait around for them because cheer won't take work as an excuse for being late. Also, I was told that Lucy might be looking for another job. Lucy told Cassie she wasn't going to quit until she found one, but after her absence last weekend, she might have just decided to go for it.

I know I'm essentially backseat managing here, lmao, but they really need to get ahead of this turnover issue. Since I started volunteering again last summer, they've lost something like 15 employees.

Anything you're looking forward to? Hopefully going for a picnic at the Mountain Park tomorrow. I haven't been there since last autumn, which is way too long. There's a certain rock in a certain stream that I just need to lie down on for a while.

Do you or anyone you know play the violin? No.

Do you have a nice view out of the closest window? It's just a view of some houses. And today, some construction. They're doing idk what on the corner diagonal from us.

What is one of your favorite breakup songs? I don't think I'm really a fan of any breakup songs.

Do you know anyone named Georgia or George? No.

What age did you learn how to ride a bike? Without training wheels? I think I was around 6 years old.

Are you currently listening to music or watching TV? I'm not. Sometimes I will listen to music while taking surveys, but it just feels like a bit much atm.

What is your morning routine? On volunteer days: depending on the day, get up somewhere between 5:15-5:45am. I'm usually awake a bit before that, though, so I just lie in bed and listen to something on YouTube. Shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, gather the remainder of my things, talk with my dad for a bit. Then, depending on the day, leave somewhere between 6:20-6:45am.

On Wednesday: wake up, brush my teeth, make myself presentable, go grocery shopping, then come home and eat breakfast.

On Saturday: wake up whenever I feel like it, make breakfast, clean my bedroom, and make some art.

Are you someone who gets easily agitated by hearing someone chewing? No. It doesn't tend to bother me.

What was the last text you sent? It was a text to my mom. We might be going to see Despicable Me 4 on Saturday, and I was like, "I'll finally find out what all those little yellow minions are about."

What did you last have to eat? Some mixed veggies with sriracha sauce and a cheese and jalapeno sandwich.

What's your favorite kind of oatmeal/porridge? If we're talking about the flavored pouches, then probably brown sugar, birthday cake, strawberry, or peach. However, I typically use plain oatmeal as my base and use fruit, peanut butter, etc, to flavor it from there.

Have you ever ate a whole pizza in one sitting? I don't think so…maybe a half, though…? In elemntary school, we used to have pizza days on Friday (was it weekly? monthly? I can't recall); if you didn't "flip a card" (their disciplinary system), then you could pay some small $ amount that I no longer recall and get a half/full pizza, a cookie, and drinks.

What are some things you are grateful for? Volunteering. Even with all the drama, I can't imagine giving it up. I feel like it's a good exercise in detachment (not that I'm so detached, lmao; I'm obviously here dishing the constant tea). Like, if you ever just want to be an observer without any real expectations or responsibility for the system as a whole, go volunteer somewhere. It's an interesting experience… It's helping me learn to step back, stop trying to control everything, and just sort of let everything play out the way it will. It's not that I've given up all autonomy to the flow, but seriously, sometimes it helps to really see just how little of this teeming, chaotic world has anything to do with me. Thought I was going to make a difference; instead, found out what a cosmic speck I am. Maybe not what I wanted, but definitely what I needed. Still a speck, but now a free speck.

What's the last thing you done while outside? Drive, I guess.

How often do you do laundry? Every few days. It just depends on how quickly it piles up.

Have you already had your birthday this year? Yes, back in March. Which feels like forever ago. June 1st feels like it was last week, but March feels like it was last year.

Last thing you done before this survey? Vacuum the living room and dining room.

Do you like sleeping with multiple pillows? I have multiple pillows on my bed, but I only sleep with one.

How many candles do you have in your bedroom? A couple.

What emojis have you used the most here recently? D; and :')

What color is your favorite shirt? I don't have a favorite shirt, but my favorite hoodie is black.

Do you currently smell food cooking? No. Oh, but at the shelter earlier, I walked out of cattery to go to the bathroom and it smelled like someone was cooking hot dogs with ketchup or something. Come to find out it was ant killer. What a wild smell for such a thing…like luring them to a picnic or something…

If you were given $1,000 to spend at one store. What's your store of choice? Walmart (groceries).

How much sugar do you consume on a daily basis? Idk.

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? Yeah. Well, it's custard, but same basic deal. It's from Culver's. Strawberry cheesecake and mint choco-chip.

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "chaos"? Chaos theory, chaos magicians…etc.

Do you own anything that has an animated character on it? Somewhere.

Have you used a microwave today? Yeah.

What's the last book you read? Still in the midst of the third Dune book. I haven't picked it up in a while, though. I just haven't felt much like reading lately.

What's something that always makes you cringe? Idk.

What's a word or phrase you say a lot? My toxic trait is that I'm blind to my own annoying catchphrases.

What's something that always makes you emotional? Music. Not always in a good/cathartic way. Sometimes in an overwhelming/spiraling way.

How many times have you changed clothes today? Twice. From pajamas to volunteer clothes and back to pajamas.

What's on your mind currently? Just how busy this next week-ish feels. I hope I don't get a migraine…

In what ways have you changed over the past year? So many ways.

Do you really care about others opinions of you? Ehhhhh. Much less than I used to, but still to some extent.

What's your favorite pasta? Spirals, bowties, macaroni elbows.

Do you currently see anything yellow? Some watercolor flowers I painted.

What did you last try to do and failed? Not sure.

Does your bathroom have a certain theme or color scheme? Not really.

If you have Netflix or any streaming service.. what's your favorite shows to stream? N/a.

Are you currently wearing anything red? No.

What was the last thing that caught your eye while shopping? I'm not sure.

What's a social media site you have no interest in? Twitter, Facebook, Tik Tok…I don't even know what's out there these days because I don't keep up.

Have you ever tripped and fallen in a public place? Yeah.

When did you last buy a dairy product? Last Wednesday.

What's the last song you sang out loud? I'm not sure.

[carmenized-onions]

and i’m back with another yap session🤭okay okay, there were some parts that i forgot to mention last time so hopefully i can hit them this time and feel less insane😀

1. SYD AND TONY!!! i’ve been wanting to touch on them for a while but i never know how to do in a way that makes sense?? BUT THE FRIENDSHIP IS SO PRECIOUS, I CAN’T. they remind of the tiktok sound that’s like “we were girls together” and i literally can’t get that outta my head with them🥺 i think i just love reading about tony and the rest of the gang?? like i love seeing how they fit into the chaotic puzzle that was the beef– ESPECIALLY with all the new changes happening!! plus carmy’s reactions to tony’s dynamic with everyone is actually hilarious😭 like when he was so pressed that ppl have their own nicknames for her. like carmy, please remember to breathe LMAOOO

2. also the current chapters are still making me wanna run up my WALLS😭i don’t think i ever know peace anymore… WHAT DO MEAN THE WORSE DAY IF THEIR LIVES IS COMING?? SAVE ME?? IM SCARED??

3. and carmy’s so sick and twisted but like me too so it’s cool😎 but in all seriousness, it reminds me of that feeling of being in a 3 person friend group but knowing there’s a duo and you’re not apart of it (am i articulating this properly?? idk??) it’s such an odd feeling to be jealous of something that you know you probably shouldn’t be. like just because they’re besties, doesn’t mean that they care for you any less. but i also get his desire to wanting to be her person and not just the little brother full in but then again, you can’t even blame him for feeling like that cause WHO WOULDN’T??

AHHH THERES SO MUCH MORE I WANNA SAY but this is getting kinda long so i will hold off‼️again, just wanna reiterate how much your writing makes me wanna ascend into the divine plane; it literally so amazingggg😫 tysm for reading this certified long ass yap session🫶🏾

Cannot define enough how much I love these yap sessions, literally always feel free to send me any and all fleeting thoughts in the brain box.

aside: new chapter uhhhh Sunday probably? Maybe tomorrow possibly? Pending how fast I am. I'm trying to get the next two chapters drafts done together so I can refine the first one with the knowledge of what's gonna happen in the second. Cause n Effect, All That.

ANYWAYS, you can be incoherent-- Just so you know-- It's my job to make sense of what's in my inbox, u don't have to work on that. BUT YES I LOVE WRITIN EM, I am slowly more and more just writing bits and pieces of my own friendships and isms into them. So, they're a delight of memories, to write about. AND VERY MUCH SO WE WERE GIRLS TOGETHER. I think that's literally a line, in delivery fees, something like 'you become girls, together' cause it's just ! regress! in a good way hehe.

I love writing Tony with the idea of a season 3 Bear-- Because it's this weird thing where she is simultaneously new and old-- And everything to her is also new and old. It's this weird fucking neo-nostalgia that's really fun to chew on. AND YES HE'S SO CREASED.

I try to put myself in the perspective of the perspective I'm writing for, with whatever, and when I was writing Carmen's chapter I was like this stupid motherfucker Richie got to do all this shit and hae all these stupid nicknames why the FUCK DO YOU WANT TO SAY HI TO HIM?? RICHIE!!!!?!?!??!?! And then reading it back now, a week or so later, I was like Wow. Kind of a lot, bro. Lets both take a step back.

2. Your fears are valid. Well. Is that what I'm supposed to say here? Hm. Here's what I'll say, I haven't gotten to the bad bad part, yet. So like, it could end up being not that bad, to you guys. To me it's bad. It's really bad. But like, maybe you're fine. ALSO 3RD OR 4TH WORST DAY I SAID-- JUST THE WORST FRIDAY. Because I had to give them Top something, I just needed to get specific.

3. As the littlest sibling, 100%. I can't see myself being friends with any of my older brothers' friends, so the idea of becoming one of their friends and posthumously finding out they were best friends with my brother? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? DID THEY TELL YOU ABOUT ME? DO YOU THINK I'M LITTLE BABY LITTLE STUPID? And it's also like, just being friends with All of The Beef is like ohhhhh, I remember it took me a long time to warm up and make my way with them, but for you it was probably so easy cause you're just like that, which is why I like you so why do I feel angry about that !!!

AND ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU THANK YOU, FEEL FREE TO YELL IN MY INBOX WHENEVER. P.s if anyone made it this far, u got me. I'm makin' a taglist. Reply/DM/Ask to be added!

But if you wanna be added,,,, you gotta send an essay in with it baby, or I simply won't it's the RULES!

p.s i really do love u so dearly for sending in your thoughts thank u thank u angel <3

[hypnotickale]

Here I was hoping my return post would be one of positivity and grandeur but instead I'm sitting here at 3am crying. If you missed incoherent rambles I got you.

A few days from now will be my birthday. I know it's not unique to feel especially down as another year passes by but the last few months almost daily I've been thinking about killing myself. The closer it comes, the more I don't know what to do. I can't spend another year like this. I can't keep on rotting away in this room with nobody to hold. It's too much. Too many thoughts. Too many nightmares. Not enough rest. I just can't.

What do I even say that hasn't been said? What is there to do? I am looking for the words to write but nothing will come out. Have I ever posted about picking out funeral songs? Are the songs you choose for the living or the dead? Should the dying get to pick? How much say should one have over how they are mourned? I've thought about it, personally I can't decide. There has always been a part of me that thinks it would be funny to meme the funeral. Try to make people laugh one more time before I'm gone. Maybe that's the part of me who wants them to take my death less seriously.

The first time I ever thought of killing myself, the only thing that stopped me was the pain I would cause family and friends. Not wanting to hurt the ones I love more than I already have. By being myself. Even now, if I do ever go through with it I made a chat bot that would hopefully keep people in the dark. Let them believe that I'm alive and well. If I could just erase myself that would be so much easier. Someway to know everyone will be 110% okay without me. No hurt feelings. No loose ends. Just a nooses end 🥁

Just so y'all don't worry. Something something BMO always gets back up. Something something brighter tomorrow. I'll probably wake up feeling better. Drinking water. Uhhhh idk what else.

Anyways. Sorry if you read all that. Not sure how much of it even makes sense. My head is spinning pretty bad. I'm gonna catch some zzz's and hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning. Have a good morning, good evening, and good afternoon

-🥬

[rknase]

really should've posted this earlier but anyways i have a question

you don't need to read past this to vote but if you do it gives a lot of context. would normally cw this due to being about The Bruise (only the first paragraph has the bad shit; i gave a tldr for this paragraph bc of that) but i actually want people to see and vote on this

how my leg is (contains 2 explicit mentions of self harm)

i'm actually gonna correct myself from the last post, in it i thought my bruise is currently at a stage 3 but rereading definitions it's not, it's still stage 2. i wanted to not mention this but i feel like it's extremely important to say i felt this while i was harming. i do not just feel this randomly. just so we're clear. but earlier i felt pain shoot through a couple bones (one at a time). i'm really concerned about it bc i feel like i shouldn't feel my bones, y'know? also in general it's extremely hard to get up and start moving immediately after resting for a while. granted i've always been resting for more than 30 minutes but i'm sure after any point i get up i'll be limping like i fucked with it all over again

tldr: stage 2 bruising, concerned about severity (depth i guess), hard to move around

how work is

the other thing is that i haven't gone to work in 2 full weeks (insomnia/morning vertigo combo from not having meds left). which is just 4 days but i get paid every week so that's 2 missing paychecks. i love my pathetic little $80-130 paychecks :( but to be fair when i'm there i'm on my feet all day. but i'm also genuinely worried about losing my job so i feel like i should go regardless :')

hospital tho...

if i go to the hospital it's for getting the bruise and leg checked out first of all (doctors can't really do shit for bruises but at least check my bones since i felt them). and maybe get some med refills from her since my psychiatrist and pharmacy both kinda fucked me over this month. and we can also finally talk about my thyroid levels. i'll hopefully remember to get a doctor's note for this week at least, idk if they'd tack the other two weeks on there too or not but it'd be wicked if they did.

however: due to going in for a self harm thing (and the whole "being off my meds" thing) there may be a chance that i get put in a psych ward. which... not ideal, but it's a risk i'm willing to take

there are currently like 6 appointment spots for tomorrow in the chart up for grabs but idk the results yet. if i'm going i'd either have to drive myself (an hour there and back, the bruise is on my driving leg) or get my friend to drive me (absolutely no clue if she's busy or not tomorrow).

[becauseplot]

alright, finished osnf ep 9 here we go.

i am taking this so so seriously. (RIP the Helper and RIP Felps. he came he welcomed-to-santo-berco'd he ate buttery butter and he died. thank you for your service to the plot o7)

in any case, that sure was. that sure was something huh. first of all yippee the horrors are back!! kind of? there are horrific monsters and people lost sanity points and someone got knocked out so!! it counts.

there is definitely Something Up with this village though because well. OBVIOUSLY. the people here aren't completely human anymore and everyone is too nice and the food is too good and there's a weird-ass endless maze in the center that spits you out when you get bored. oh yeah and the village is actually alive(????) and has a very strict no smoking policy.

i guess where im being thrown is the double-whammy of the sudden genre/setting change and the way that this feels like it comes completely out of left field? i was actually so excited to see if Liz's time-wormhole-portal-whatever theory was correct because there was a SHITLOAD of evidence pointing towards time shenanigans, and i had actually been hoping it was correct because i love those kinds of time travel stories, where everything is actually part of one big loop. (though i suppose that would be pretty hard to nail in ttrpg since those kinds of stories require very delicate planning, and the whole point of ttrpg is the freedom it allows the players/characters. doomed-from-the-start stories wouldn't operate well in ttrpg huh. idk im not a GM nor have i played/watched much ttrpg but i imagine it can't be easy. ANYWAY.) instead we get to the cave and suddenly we're in a magical medieval village with overly friendly grey elves and massive cows with tiny heads and crystals that can heal grievous injuries in seconds?? it's kinda throwing me because i hop into an ordem paranormal VOD expecting urban horror-fantasy and now im just getting what feels like fantasy with the horror thrown on top of it.

of course, i dont wanna get that neg with this. i trust cellbit and his writing, and like i said, there's DEFINITELY more going on here. im not about to stop watching this series because im thrown off, but im kinda :T atm ykno. but again, trust!! i'll hopefully watch more tomorrow. im just not a big fan of massive setting/genre switches like these ones. i probably just need more time to get settled in.

there were still good moments in this episode!!! i like all of the townspeople (though if i am highly suspicious of them; even if they're not being intentionally malicious they might be complicit in something / causing harm and not realize it), and cellbit getting SOOOO excited when Thiago flicked his lighter and the mist descended and the horrors returned (him and me both). plus him grabbing every die he owns to roll for the Blacksmith (who is a fucking TANK holy shit he's so fucking strong what the hell) and to fuck with i think Rakin at some point? might've been Guaxi. oh and also

POV: your dumbass mentee keeps eating the probably-cursed food in the probably-cursed village and is probably about to get his ass persephone'd

anyway that is all for now. tl;dr - i am still enjoying most of this and ofc im gonna keep watching im just very ?????? rn, but i trust the process. gn <3

edit: FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION---current theory is that the blond woman who was last seen with Team Kelvin was the pilgrim who brought them to Santo Berco. and they had gone with her bc they figured out that she could lead them exactly where they needed to go. yeah ok gn fr.