#hopefully i wont delete this one

[szczurherbacany]

day 1 - pinning

[drarw]

mouthwashing has really gotten aholda me

[peck2neck]

hiiii. heres the allohema logs from the wyatt dies au

putting it all under the cut since its preeeeetty long. the first two were written back in january while the third one was written recently

dunno what else to say soooo enjoy :]

Allo.Hema LOG_1

It's been about a day since I first discovered that Wyatt had gone missing. I don't think I ever could have seen it coming - things were fine a few days ago. I went over to visit, but he was more cheerful than usual. He was finally starting to open up, I think. Hell, I even managed to make him laugh, something I assumed that he was incapable of. He gave me a present before I left and I went back for the day. I wasn't able to visit for a while after, things get pretty busy during the holiday season but I managed to sneak out just after new years. But... He wasn't there. In fact, there was nothing but rubble. Charred metal lying limp around where the feint memory of a shack had been. I searched for hours to no avail. I couldn't find him anywhere, and I'm starting to believe that maybe... he- ...nevermind.

I brought Microwave back to the lab with me. It seems like she wasn't around when it.. happened. I checked her and she appears to be unscathed. I doubt I'll be able to keep her here for long, though. As soon as someone notices she's here I'll get in trouble and she'll get rehomed. I feel bad for the thing, she's just been staring at the door all day. It's obvious she wants to go back, but i can't let her - she doesn't know that no one is waiting there for her.

I should really throw his file away - I have no need for notes about Wyatt anymore but I... can't bring myself to do it. Not right now, at least. I'll keep them for a bit longer - just in case. Tomorrow I'll sneak out again, just one more time. I need to be sure. I need answers. It just doesn't make sense! I'm the only one who has had contact with Wyatt for YEARS, he basically confirmed it! Unless I had been followed? I doubt it was an accident, either. He may be arrogant but he sure as hell isn't stupid. It just.. doesn't add up. I'll watch my back tomorrow but I'm not sure what else I can do.

Allo.Hema LOG_2

I fixed up the flowerbeds while I was out there today. He never let me anywhere near them before, but someone has to tend to them. On that note, its been about over a week now, and there's still no sign of him. It would seem I have no choice but to believe that he's gone.. however I just can't. I said that I'd go back one more time, but for the past few days I've been returning over and over, desperate for a something, anything.... nothing. I've been tidying a few things while he's been absent - might as well pass the time. Some of his belongings seemed to survive, so I'm going to take them back to the lab with me - until he gets back, of course. It's pretty calm out here, all things considered. It's... quiet, there's a clear view of the sky and a slight breeze at my back. I suppose getting out of that building for a while is doing me some good.

I still haven't fully decided what to do with Microwave. No one has noticed that she's here, surprising considering I ordered so many cat toys.. ahem - I've been considering keeping her, to be honest. Wyatt cared a lot about Microwave, and I'd feel bad just.. giving her away with no guarantee that she'll be safe. Besides, she's taken a liking to me. My jacket is covered in cat hairs.. I hope no one is allergic, because I'm about to run out of spare ones.. More annoyingly, she keeps knocking everything off of my desk, even my tungsten cube! I used to wonder why Wyatt's tools were scattered on the floor, but I guess that's why. I don't mind the company, though. She curls up on my lap while I'm doing paperwork and I can hear a feint purr each time. She's adorable.. but I should get her to stop chewing the wires.

Looking back, he always seemed to be worried about me, specifically what my job was like. It always confused me why seemed so pushy about it despite him being so abrasive, though I slowly figured out why. We even talked about it one day, and I managed to assure him that i'll be fine. I'm already very aware of what the higher-ups think of me, and i've never trusted them for a second to be honest. I know they'll attempt to decommission me the moment I stop being... useful to them, but what's stopping me from leaving? I could always pack my things and leave the night before - information always gets back to me somehow, so I'd know. They'd never find me if I lay low somewhere, I've already removed that damned tracking chip ages ago, and I could continue my work for free, for those who need it somewhere else. Huh. It doesn't feel like a bad thing to consider, actually.. Hah, guess he was right. He knew what he was doing when he gave me that bag, I suppose.

I'll think about it. Maybe I could find some information out there, a lead to what happened to him - or maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.. I'll bide my time and bite my (metaphorical) tongue.

Allo.Hema LOG_3

I left. After 4 months I finally bit the bullet and.. ran away, i suppose. I'm currently laying low in Wyatt's old shack- what I could salvage of it anyways. The charred ground seems to have been washed away by the rain, but this place is still somewhat in a state of disarray despite my attempts to fix it. About a week was spent packing my things, going back and forth between my office and the scrapyard to drop off my stuff. I have enough supplies to last for a while on my own before I'll have to find some way of getting new ones. I'm not sure what I'll do after that.. but i have more important things to worry about at the moment. Microwave is with me, too. I made sure to stock up on food for her, though Wyatt always managed to get some for her so I doubt I'll have to worry too much about it. She seems glad to be back in the scrapyard, but she keeps searching for Wyatt. I guess we're both in the same boat.

The reason I left.. is because I found a lead. I spent all of those months trying to find something and for once I finally did. I think I've found what - or who - may be responsible for Wyatt's death.. or rather his disappearance. I knew he couldn't really be dead. Surely he's too stubborn for that. My research leads me to believe that theres.. someone behind everything that's happened to him. The issue is that I don't know how to locate it. All of my research for nothing. Again. But I still have to try, I can't rest knowing that he's out there.

I've never really tried.. building anything. I've watched Wyatt do it plenty of times and he made it look easy so it cant be THAT bad, right?? I have his old tools, so I guess I can practice by properly fixing this shack. All I did earlier was slide some scrap metal sheets on top of each other and called it a day. He always seemed to passionate about making things, even if he didn't want to admit it. Most of his belongings were salvaged scrap that was repurposed into something new. Surely I could do the same. It's starting to get darker now. When was the last time I saw the sunset? It's much more beautiful than I remembered. I guess not being stuck inside all the time really does have its upsides. I don't like my jacket being covered in dirt though, I'm not sure how I'm going to clean it.

I have an idea. I'm not sure if it will work, but i think it's worth a try. If it's successful, I might be able to get some answers. This may take months, even years to finish- but this creation will be what I need to find it. To find answers.

I have to get answers. I have to. I will find him.

[kal-thas]

guys when the disability is disabling 👎

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i posted that stupid shit on my instagram i might just kill myself fr

now im afraid i wont sleep for another 24 hours damn 😭😭

[mchi22]

im going to actually injure myself trying to beat this song

[starstruckodysseys]

THE EVIL (senior presentation) HAS BEEN DEFEATED

[arolesbianism]

So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing

[theloveinc]

the ideas i'm having right now vs. my ability to express them and myself

[kirishwima]

might've kinda gotten...1....2....3 new piercings cuz i was bored and took my frind to get pierced so yknow, might as well

[silvergarnet12]

Not that I get many asks but I made controversial comment on another site, and since I would rather not deal with any risk of harassment that could possibly bring, I will be turning off anon for a while.

[windtorn]

@forbelobog speaks: 💭 // thought(s) my muse has had about yours

'you were a simple man. when i first saw you, i knew it to be true. you were tall, the type of man that petite women would fawn over the idea of getting to step up on the tips of their toes to kiss. handsome, adored by the denizens of belobog, your strong and calloused hand sought after by many. loyalty unmatched, unbound by the word of the guardian in better interest of the people. what a life fit for a pretty, rich brat like yourself. people like you aren't anything special, you're just as easy to manipulate. for the right price, anyone was. people endure and they struggle, all to submit to their petty vices and despicable sin when the woes of life become too heavy to bare. you are just a man, gepard landau, i knew you would snap just the same as any. i wanted to test those limits, press you until your boughs threatened to break like a common tree branch. save for the fair red that tinted your face from pretty lies spoken straight from the fox's mouth...you never did falter. not ever to a guy like me, as ever-persistent as i was, anyway. sometimes, i wish you had though. lash out at me, affirm that i am the scum that everyone says i am. they're not wrong though, you do get that, right? if the loss of their lives amidst one of my schemes meant i got an extra swath of credits or two then it would be no skin off my back. my hands would still be clean if something else did the dirty work for me, but you would save them. you would save me, isn't that funny? all i crave is the pleasure of laughter, but i can't find it in me to see the humor in this sick little game we play.

i thought i had you figured out, but you proved to me-annoyingly so-that you just weren't like other people. you couldn't just be like a normal person, could you? no, you had to look at me with those cold eyes, not ones of stoicism but ones that pierced through me. i hated you for a time, even. hated that you could treat me like someone that deserved respect without asking for it outright or needing to prove it so. you should hate me, gepard landau! why don't you hate me? how can your kindness feel so cruel. i'm exhausted by feeling, kindled into being within the vagrancy that not even the roaring hoarfrost of the eternal freeze could permeate. you should have just left me be, now i'll never forget the hole that you burned open wide in my chest. i wanted to ruin you, but that was not a task meant for me, and when you showed me kindness, i would never consider it again. what divine irony it was for you to pursue me out of duty and for me to pursue you back out of twisted hunger, self-inflicted punishment and ever-insatiable for your attentions. these masks don't feel so tight around you. you taught me how to breathe again, and there was tranquility to be had in the peace it offered in doing such a mundane function that brought life. i found that you were not a simple man, and that perhaps, not all people were as easy and predictable as i had framed them to be. maybe the black and white that painted my word could have gradients of grey too. i spoke that in optimism if only it meant that you could be my prize. though you should fear the man that walked behind your bastion's walls if you knew who he really was. i would wait until the world fell apart or tear it asunder myself if it ended with you, but we dont have forever and there is someone out there far better for you than i. you deserve that, dearest gepard. these filthy, wrathful hands of mine dare not touch what i cannot keep and have as my own. '

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

honestly idk why my gp said i should avoid cocodamol or codeine on account of my fibromyalgia and risk of addiction, because ive now taken both for jaw pain in the past few days and they didnt do shit

[thethingsiwantthemost]

i didnt mean to rb anything here this is the vent blog i wanted NO ONE to know about BAHSDHSHDFHCJSHDGF hiiiiiii

[kinetic-elaboration]

I'm thinking probably the best thing to do with the time loop fic is to write and edit the rest of it and then post the remaining chapters all at once.

[doodlebeeberry]

It's OSC gift exchange number 4, baby!!

Thats right folks!!! once again so so excited to host the gift exchange, hopefully itll be yet another fun one! :D

doing things slightly differently this year: if you wanna join you can just fill out this google form! You can also still join by replying/reblogging/dming me with what you'd like if you prefer to do it that way though.

Rules, dates, and details are all under the cut (and also in the form), please read them through fully before joining!!!

Entries close November 28th at midnight (est)!

For those not in the know, the gift exchange is just what is sounds like! Upon joining, you tell me what you like to see in you gift. After, you'll be randomly assigned a giftee, and will make a gift for them based on what they've requested. When the day comes, you'll post your gift and @ the person it's for!

The timeline this year looks like this:

Nov. 7-Nov. 28: Join the gift exchange by filling out this form, dm-ing me, replying, or tagging this post with what you'd like to receive. You can ask for anything--shows, ships, ocs, whatever! Additionally, if there's anything you dont want to see or can't make (ie, ships that make you uncomfortable), you can make a note of that as well

Dec. 1: I'll let you know who you've been assigned and what they'd like! This'll most likely be done through tumblr dms, so if that's an issue do let me know!

Dec. 1-30: You make your gift! This can be anything, from art to writing to music and more! so long as you follow your giftee's request, the possibilities are endless!

Dec. 31: Post your gift, being sure to @ the person its from! Please do not post your gift before this date!!!

Some other things to note:

You can request anything--shows, characters, ships, etc--just please make sure they are osc related! it is an osc gift exchange after all

Asking for OCs is very much allowed, just be sure to provide me with a reference when you join

in regards to things you can't do, please do note that "i haven't seen x show so i wont do it" or "i'll only do requests for x show" are not being treated as valid requests in this context, so i won't guarantee them. also please remember that giftees are assigned randomly.

If your giftee requests more than one thing, you aren't obligated to fulfill all of their requests if you don't want to. Just be sure to do one of them and you're good!

If you need to drop out for any reason, that is completely ok, it happens! just please be sure to let me know ahead of time so I can re-assign your giftee!

On that note, if you have reason to believe you will be unavailable or otherwise unable to post your gift on the 31st, please be sure to tell me so we can work something out! Additionally, if you can't reach out on tumblr (say, your blog gets deleted) you can also poke me on bluesky (@ bumblebeeberry) or discord (thatonegaycat) about it

You can not join anonymously! I just don't think it'd fair to your giftee

While I highly doubt I will need to, I can bar you from participating if I deem it necessary. Again, unlikely, but in the off-chance it does happen I will message you to let you know, pretty please do not yell at me if I do

Not a requirement but when I send you your giftee if you could just let me know you saw the message i would greatly appreciate it!

As per usual I'll be tagging everything with #osc gift exchange, feel free to use it on your gift as well!

That's it! if you have any questions, comments, notes, what have you, please don't hesitate to dm me! :]