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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 6 months ago

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Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

#oh my god this was supposed to be a brief write-up what happened 😭#ugh i feel like this is a bit of a mess and there's infinite other little points i could've made or elaborated on or interpreted differentl #but i'm so tired lmao #anyways tldr fuck you illumi you suck #killua is a snarky little shit but he also has so much love in his tiny body and i think we should appreciate him forever and ever #this also accidentally turned into alluka and nanika appreciation. i love them #nanika sweet angel i love you so much i hope you get all the head pats in the world #ghhh i'm so scared this doesn't make sense anymore i've been working on it for almost a week #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #killua zoldyck #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#storyrambles #also that one scene where gon turns to look directly at killua and tells him he has fun being with him makes me jdfhbvsdjfbvh #he's so intense about it i start laughing. no wonder killua basically just went ??!?!?!?! and like. leaned back because i think i would've #done the same lmaoooo #it's very sweet though :')#argh. gotta post. i need to stop hesitating. let's go.

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deoidesign · 6 months ago

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

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darthyolk · 17 days ago

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I've finally finished my first boss for my demon hunting game Judgement Nights! A guard dog for a much stronger demon, Grub keeps their secret safe and hidden from all mortal or demonic eyes

#I hope the notes help to understand what I was trying to go for hehe #Judgement Nights as a system hasn't really been tested by players yet. Just me.#I haven't played enough ttrpgs to know if something like this has been done before or not but something like it probably does lmao #think original fallouts if all of your allies shared one turn instead of being sorted into a turn order. If it was all just your guy's turn #And you had to balance using your AP wisely because whatevers left over you can use to counter the opponents turn!!#I hope that makes some sense I've been writing for a minute now and am kinda tired I'll probably go more in depth in another post #this post was supposed to be abt Grub but now its abt the combat as a whole woopsie :3 #Grub needs just a bit more polish but I'm really happy I've gotten this far. Used to kinda be a far out idea but now that a Demons characte #sheet is right in front of me it feels almost surreal #First time designing a Tabletop game from the ground up and not basing it off an existing ip/ converting a video game into a tabletop #(even though its still very video game inspired taking a good bit from Devil May Cry)#indie ttrpg #Judgement Nights #ttrpg

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novafire-is-thinking · 1 year ago

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Same anon concerning Dratchet—

I get what you're saying a bit more, except my big counter would be:

How much of a main cast member is Drift, though? 🤔

He has a lot of presence when he's around, but if you look at the numbers... he's actually entirely missing for half the series (40/82 issues for MTMTE+LL) and his panel time is only spotty otherwise.

As much as I love him, he's really not much of a player plot-wise—you could honestly sub him out for just about anyone with no appreciable difference.

Whereas, I'd say Ratchet is still a main cast member regardless of him being entirely absent for 11 issues.

So... Drift might seem Ratchet-centric, but as opposed to that being a reflection of his actual character, it's only a reflection upon the fact that his only claim to fame is Ratchet so it follows any panel time he gets is panel time tying him up with Ratchet.

TL;DR: it's not that Dratchet/Ratchet more important to Drift's character, it's just that it's what connects him to the story.

Does that make any sense at all?

It’s interesting that you bring that up because I did think about the fact that, quantitatively, Drift isn’t quite a main cast member.

I was looking more at qualitative presence.

“you could honestly sub him out for just about anyone with no appreciable difference.”

^ Right. His presence in the series was heavily dependent on Dratchet being so huge, and that’s one of the main reasons I take issue with it in a similar way I think Cygate is overrated.

You’re right that Drift’s claim to fame was through Ratchet, but as far as I know, Ratchet is still the most stable relationship to him outside of MTMTE. Everyone else dies or walks away.

Ratchet was there at the start back at the Dead End, and Drift’s story ended with him attaining his goal of belonging. With Ratchet, apparently. The message conveyed by that narrative is that his story and all his losses were a “journey to Ratchet.” (aka journey to belonging)

Someone (@/weapon-up-wallflower?) wrote something about Dratchet and how every step led to each other (if I recall correctly). I wish I could remember where the post was…

To me, the fact that Ratchet is the main connection Drift gets to [arguably] his most significant story makes their relationship/the ship extremely important to his character arc as a whole. It carries the most weight.

As for Drift’s actual character—barring narrative and storytelling—I still see Ratchet as being key because Drift’s life without Ratchet would be emptier, kinda bland, and would lack all meaning/direction because all of his other relationships were severed or shallow.

Besides Wing and maybe Megatron (both dead), what did any of his other relationships do for him? Nothing.

Meanwhile, if Drift were removed from Ratchet’s life, Ratchet would still stand well on his own as an individual character. Judging by the end of LL, Ratchet was a significant part of many people’s lives and vice versa. His life would still have had meaning without Drift.

I guess I’m just sad that other, potentially interesting options to make Drift compelling were ignored/destroyed with each loss he faced over the course of his story.

EDIT: I realize this would be very different if Drift weren’t so relationally oriented. Relationships aren’t always the most significant thing about a character, but because they are for Drift, that’s where my focus goes: The nature and quality of his relationships.

#honestly I think I just have issues with characters who are seen primarily through their love lives #while they have so little story of their own as individuals #personal bias and all that #I hope this all makes sense I am very tired and used this to avoid working on my story #asteroid belt of asks & answers #drift ✧ deadlock #I just had a lightbulb moment #watch me make an argument for the other side #‘why Ratchet needed to be so important to Drift and his story’

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wereh0gz · 9 months ago

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Wait wait... i have.... an Idea

A Sonic AU based on the song Aura by Ghost and Pals

It follows Amy as she investigates a series of disappearances, including the disappearance of her childhood friend and crush Sonic, and tries to find the cause of a strange "fog disease" that is plagueing her village at night, using her fortune cards to guide her

The disease drives people mad and changes them, even turning some into beasts. She believes it's connected to the disappearances, and that Sonic may have been afflicted, which is why he went missing in the first place

Tails would join her in her investigation as he is Sonic's brother and has been trying to find him with no results. He also wants to learn more about said disease to hopefully find some kind of cure to help the rest of the village

(The "fog disease" is of course dark gaia energy. I literally cannot listen to that song without thinking about dark gaia energy when I hear the words "fog disease" like it's literally purple smoke that makes ppl act weird and turned Sonic into a werehog like. How could I not make that connection (<- i am not normal))

#ramblings #i don't have many details figured out yet. don't even know if i'm gonna actually do anything with this idea at all tbh #i'm honestly just throwing it out there before i forget abt it and it's lost to the void completely #it is very late ok. i am tired #also ik the song is originally abt chronic illness. those themes would play into this au #the werewolf stuff is like a standin for that. think of how eda's curse is treated in toh #i hope i'm making sense bc this idea is driving me a little insane ok

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whoviandoodler · 3 days ago

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Issues I've had with MFMM S3 in the most recent rewatch, or: an incomplete and incoherent rambling about some of the things that really annoyed me about it

I've recently finished rewatching miss fisher's murder mysteries for some 5th-10th time since I originally saw it years and years ago on FOX Crime or wherever and it's been a completely different experiences to previous rewatches. I have to assume because I grew up quite a lot so things that used to rub me the wrong way until I was raw no longer hold the same sway over me, but I found scenes previously unbearable perfectly fine to watch (annoying, but nothing especially enraging), and characters that I despised merely unlikable. In short, it was as immensely entertaining as before without certain hindrances, and the main attractions (jack and phryne's relationship, the found family, amazing acting and fun mysteries) were no less attractive.

However, I also developed an issue with the third season. Prior to rewatching the show (while I was still trying to convince myself i totally wouldn't go back in the 30+ hrs runtime trenches), I rewatched an analysis I'd seen years ago (possibly around my previous rewatch, knowing covid time) made by a creator whose work I like, and she dedicated a section of the video to some of the things that bothered her about the last season. I was a bit confused, to be perfectly honest, because I didn't remember being at all bothered with it the last time I watched it, and certainly not with the things she mentioned (and more importantly, I had no issues with the writing).

And then, uh, I got to the third season on the rewatch. And at first I was like, ok, this is perfectly fine. A little bit odd in certain moments, but not all that bad. And then the problems kept piling and piling through the seasons, and I kept pacing and pacing and noticing more and more things about it that bothered me.

The main problem, and I imagine the reason my then-self didn't really notice anything (apart from my all-encompassing rage at hugh collins that blinded me to anything else), is that the character writing isn't outright Bad. Like, it's not the kind of bad where you throw your TV out the window because how dare they do that to your blorbos, but it is the kind of bad that festers in your show loving heart until it forms 'It's plausible that they might do that kind of... I guess?' It's the kind of bad that takes a bit of thinking to figure out why your brow furrowed in this or that scene until it smoothed out.

So let's talk about that scene in s3e1 where jack does his 'i'm not part of the parade' monologue, the thing that bothered the analyst but that I distinctly remembered being silly and entertaining. I mean, he gets drunk and goes on a tirade over a misunderstanding while phryne stands there baffled, unsure whether she should laugh or not. This is where the 'i guess?' starts, because like, absolutely, it's not the first time in the show he's been jealous, nor the first time he's been incredulous or eye-rolly when he finds out phryne's had a dalliance with this or that man. It's plausible that all those sentiments would come out the way they did with alcohol involved and after being stood up twice, first for what was possibly supposed to be their first foray into more serious territory, and then again that night. It's not a scene that paints him in a favourable light, but that's not in and of itself an issue, he's got his faults and that's one of the things that make him interesting to watch. But arriving on the heels of the caustic remarks and biting sarcasm and refusing to listen to phryne at all to the point that she got borderline upset hours before, it felt less silly and in character and more like a nail hammered one time too many.

It set a trend too for the rest of the season, and not a nice one. All those jealousy scenes created two situations- the first, where phryne would respond indignantly and in character to how she'd been in previous seasons, on the rare occasion he'd actively made a remark (was it even more than once? i can't remember); and the second, where phryne would run after him, explaining that 'it wasn't like that', like she was cheating on him. The second option was especially hard to watch because their reactions genuinely read like she'd done something wrong when that wasn't the case at all, and like the analyst said the narrative went so far as to shame her with that moment at the air base fence (for the first time in the show! previously jack's reactions had been light-hearted and phryne had responded in kind, usually saying something witty or teasing him; the second they became that of the betrayed partner, it got a sour note).

For the sake of adding drama and an unnecessary explanation as to why they haven't railed each other yet, the show killed the wonderful dynamic they'd rocked thus far, that of very close friends who are attracted to each other and probably in love but who haven't quite decided what to do about it yet.

It was like the show lost all faith in it's audience to imagine the reasons behind their reluctance, to understand their characters, to believe this truly outrageous (/s) situation of two friends in love who don't get together (yet). Like it's not a tale as old as time for people to be afraid romantic involvement with their friends might ruin that friendship, and choosing not to take the risk. Like we don't know that phryne has never had a serious relationship, and that jack has never had anything but; that her dalliances with other men are all about sating her curiosity about different people's lives and minds and pleasure, that she firmly embodies the rich aristocrat and keeps the little collingwood girl firmly on the other side of the door; that he stayed in a failed marriage for ten years because he's always serious about the people he loves, that he nearly married concetta because he cared about her and didn't want her to be married off again to somebody cruel.

And speaking of lack of faith, did they think we needed to be reminded every five minutes in various clear-cut and glaringly obvious ways that they love each other? Like we know! We're watching the show! We don't need guido and concetta and the greek chorus to slap the note in our face. This isn't a children cartoon and they didn't suddenly fall in love in s3e1 for the entire cast to lay on the horns, we've been watching them fall in love through every touch and look. Honestly, there was more subtlety in sanderson's 'you do indeed keep close company these days' than the entire italian episode.

The entire thing felt like they were insinuating that the second phryne and jack try for something serious the entire thing falls apart, and they go from dear friends to a reddit post. Despite all their surface differences, the reason they're in love is their deep-seated belief in truth and justice, and the reason they're as close as they are is that they don't keep things from each other and they communicate. I don't think it's in character, or even worse, I feel like it's a very sad choice of character path for them to lose their whimsy and trust the second they delve into the romantic, like it's a whole different thing and not just a different lens through which to experience the intimacy they already share. I would've much preferred that they'd either continued their whimsical friendship until the last episode, or even that they'd gone down the vulnerable road of talking more about their respective issues; frankly, i would've settled for a long term friendship over the mess that they ended up creating (I'm queer, I can sustain myself on subtext).

That area of jack writing aside, what the hell did they do to my boy's murder solving skills? I swear, there were at least a couple episodes where he didn't contribute anything to the investigation, or he did so little it was imperceptible.

In s2e9 (the cinema one, i think that was the number) I distinctly remember phryne laying out what she thought happened (at the very beginning when they found the body) and jack staying silent and giving her a besotted look, and afterwards hugh saying it matched what jack had surmised earlier. This was amazingly done, because it very economically established 1. that jack had already done the clever bit 2. that they agreed fully so there was no need for their usual back and forth, and most importantly after their huge, sad rift had just been surmounted, 3. that he was incredibly happy to be working with her again because he loves listening to the cogs turning in her head and watching her be clever.

There was none of that attention to detail in those s3 episodes, he was just... not involved. Phryne would lay everything out and then they'd leave, and that was it. It felt wild to witness because in different scenes he acted as he always did, like their dynamic was the same as always. I didn't get the impression that he was having a bad day, or not in the mood, because in writing those things need to have some significance or note, and here it was just there. Not noticed, not significant, not anything; fully like they'd forgotten that they put him in the shot and thus gave him no lines.

I really can't explain how much it irked me because the main appeal of the show isn't the murder investigations, as fun and clever as they are, it's the relationships between characters. The point of the narrative shouldn't be solving the crime, it should be all the things that happen while it's being solved.

In short- how dare they rob me of the sparks of phryne and jack exchanging theories and opinions?! That's what I'm here for! The sexual tension isn't just the looks and touches, it's what preceded them and keeps them so fresh and electric- it's them standing over a body or in the morgue or in her parlour and being clever at each other and with each other, the push of sharing an opinion and the pull of daring the other person to catch up with you by giving them only the raw information, the resonance of interacting with someone who's on even footing with you.

It's like 3 am and I've tired myself out so I'll stop here. Obvious disclaimer for anyone who might see this is that this is based on my impression of the show and i won't go back to watch just the bad parts solely to write a coherent, sourced analysis (aka I'm going off the things that left an impact on me, they might not be given the most screentime or note), and that this is still a favourite show and not meant to be an indictment of the whole thing (I only get so annoyed bcs i like it otherwise).

#mfmm #miss fisher's murder mysteries #jack robinson #phryne fisher #mfmm critical #i legitimately nearly went back to edit LMAO #if sb is reading this at all it'll hardly matter to them whether sentences make sense #i just got upset and realized that i wouldnt get the full satisfaction in a discord rant so i moved here instead #also dont think i need to make this disclaimer but just in case #this is an acab household- the show has numerous issues in several departments- etc etc #we watch things critically here but also i am trash for characters with chemistry in slow burns #i do want to write coherent analyses so bad bcs i legit have a lot of thoughts #but i always get tired rly quickly and forget all i wanted to say #so rants it is instead #like i said i wont go to rewatch bad parts bcs it doesnt bring me joy #but i do hope one day to make posts for each episode with things in it i love and all the little details acknowledged that i can #bcs its a very dear piece of media to me #oh man and i need to. you wont believe this but i need to do my nd hc post #every. every time. every time i rewatch smt its that dynamic #oh u liked a piece of media? autism mf #dan talks

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sparky-is-spiders · 3 months ago

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Title!

there was teeth in their kiss

Okay so I won't lie, this one really got away from me. I had like three different ideas and I was like "I'll just write a really short scene for all of them!!" only for the "really short scenes" to get... progressively longer. Oops?

I have two Lizardverse fics and one TMA (JE) fic. Because I don't want my Lizardverse stuff showing up in the JE tag and it's also The Longest One, so you can check the notes of this post to read it.

Also gonna be real I wrote these at ass-o-clock at night and Did Not Edit them, so.......

Oh shoot wait warnings! They only apply to the second one (you can stop reading at (Amaldyne)).

Body horror/mouth horror (mild?)

Non-consensual touching (non-sexual/non-romantic, but I figured I should still warn for it just in case)

(Send me a fic title!)

(Important Lizardverse Context (TM): The Overseer is a creature called a Grotle (think ankylosaurus but bigger, spikier, and omnivorous). He's also a very dangerous necromancer. His real name is Mihzarch (pronounced Miz-ark), and these are used somewhat interchangeably. Leoshgon wields a sword called the Godslayer sword. It's a very deadly semi-sentient sword that's bonded to his soul. He's also a Noctar (a much smaller, fuzzier mammal species.))

(Leoshgon) The Overseer liked to put his teeth to Leoshgon's throat. It happened in the night, mostly, when Leo was curled against Mihzarch's heavily plated body, throat bared in offering for the Overseer to do as he would. He was always very gentle, of course, and very careful. As if Leo was a priceless, fragile heirloom, not the most dangerous weapon in the world. But there was a pressure there, and Leo could feel the shape of the teeth even through his mane: the wide, shearing ones in the back; the broad conical incisors in the front, wet with saliva and dreadfully cold. The puff of chilled breath sent shivers down Leo's spine. Leo wasn't sure he liked the sensation, really. It was uncomfortably damp, for one, and also sort of boring to be held in place for so long (aside from that brief spike of fear, which really wasn't fair to Mihzarch at all, because the Godslayer Sword was the real danger here, but- that wasn't the point anyway). But he always bared his neck willingly. And when those massive jaws closed so sweetly around his throat, he leaned into it. And then Mihzarch would let out a happy rumble that sang through Leoshgon's entire body, and all would be well.

(Important Lizardverse Context (TM): Amaldyne is currently a (semi) unwilling servant of the ever-starving god of hunger. Eityr is weirdo freak bestie who want her to become as powerful as possible. Their relationship is. Uh. Weird. Amaldyne is a dragon becoming something More, Eityr is a Noctar)

(Amaldyne) "Show me." Amaldyne didn't look up when Eityr entered the room, nor did she turn to face her. In fact, she did not acknowledge Eityr's presence in any way at all. No matter. Eityr would not be so easily dissauded. Amaldyne's desk was strewn about with massive tomes and piles of documents and about a dozen bits of charcoal. It was as if some great beast of parchment had been savaged and slain atop it, and Amaldyne was trying to read the future in its bones. With a flick of her wrist and a stretch of her power, Eityr relocated them all to the floor, then hopped up onto the now-cleared metal. Amaldyne slowly raised her head to look at her with exhausted irritation written plainly all over her snout. "I want to see," Eityr said, "so show me." "Show you what?" the words were accompanied by a hiss of displeasure, but Amaldyne's wings remained loose and relaxed by her side. Unhappy, but willing to indulge. Were it anyone else, Eityr would find that infuriating. "Something happened, didn't it? There's something-" 'wrong' wasn't the right word. Whatever it was, it must surely be the opposite of 'wrong,' but Eityr struggled to think of an alternate descriptor. "Something happened to you, and I want to see it. Show me." Amaldyne nudged her down off the desk. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Eityr, and I don't have time to engage your every childish whim either, so please-" Sick of waiting and on a whim, Eityr grabbed at Amaldyne's lower jaw and yanked downwards. It split right down the middle, and the insides were coated with teeth that had not been there only a moment ago. Amaldyne let out a proper snarl then, shock intermingled with an animalistic rage. Her tail was poised to strike, stinger gleaming in the low light. But the tell-tale glow of dragonsflame never touched her throat, and so Eityr felt comfortable in running a paw along the seam where Amaldyne's mouth had split. No venomous fangs sank into her fur and no bite crushed the strength from her writs. Of course not. Amaldyne had always been content to let Eityr do as she would, why should this be any different? After a moment, Amaldyne pulled away. Her jaw clicked back together, and she watched Eityr through slitted, appraising eyes. "Satisfied?" She asked? Eityr saw no reason to lie. "No."

#i wasn't sure if you had a fandom preference?#i figured probably tma since that's just about all i post about but i saw 'teeth' and 'kiss'#and i just couldn't resist making it about my favorite little lizards #also i'm sorry if their scenes don't make much sense #i tried to give enough info to make stuff clear but i've been marinating in lizardverse for years by now #so idk how confusing this is to people who can't read my mind #i am. so tired. my ability to be articulate ain't doin so hot rn if i'm being honest #the problem was i went 'oh! i can stay up late to finish these Very Short Scenes instead of going to bed at a normal time!!'#and then i couldn't. so the je one was written today #but anyway thank you for the ask!! i really enjoyed writing this actually!#asks #ask game #lizardverse #the lizard crew #amaldyne rotwing #amaldyne #eityr #eityr reksha #leoshgon #leoshgon varmillius #the overseer #leoshgon/the overseer #eityr&amaldyne #i hope you don't mind me making this about my silly little ocs. i'm so soft for them i had to include them.#sparkwrites #body horror #body horror tw #tw body horror #i feel like i'm forgetting something? it's probably fine #oh i remember now! so from the overseer's pov he's holding something even more dangerous than him in its mouth

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