#I’m tired and my hair looks gross and my face looks puffy and weird and it’s fine but it’s a bummer

[blurglesmurfklaine]

you ever have moments when you look in the mirror like “damn. I really be Ugly ugly”?

[shorkbrian]

💖💘my heart’s dizzy and I my dose of serotonin whenever I read your prose🤟🏽😩 was wondering if you could do reader with an erratic future-vision!quirk so when they first meet yandere!Hawks they’re suddenly plagued by erotic, sensual, 365days-level of disturbing visions of them, so reader actively avoids them (it’s like those Tik Tok future-seeing videos playing to “Play Date”)

Prelude - Hawks isn’t a famous pro-hero in this, but he still has his quirk. It’s not really mentioned a bunch tho lol.  This is rlly long, but I decided not to put it into two parts because the smut is so slight lol. Hope this meets your expectations anon, thank you for reading!

Pairing -  Keigo Takami X Reader

Warnings - NSFW mentions, dubcon, noncon. No out-and-out explicit smut, just a really long story. Hawks is manipulative and gets what he wants

Music - https://open.spotify.com/track/5ukAQcKEIJuzIbP55xp07x?si=iz6I-RoDSdCNYhT2Du8etg

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He was a friend of a friend, someone you had only met once or twice.

Your friend kept bringing him to hangouts, he kept showing up on her instagram feed,  getting mentioned in her twitterbio, and eventually it came out that they had started dating. It didn’t catch anyone by surprise.

What did catch you by surprise, was how infatuated with him your friend was.

“He’s just sooooo hot, isn’t he?” She squealed, shoving her phone in your face to show off a shirtless pic he had just sent her.

You nodded in agreement, quickly appraising the pic before turning your head. Yeah, her boyfriend was attractive, but you weren’t one to ruin relationships. Plus, you and Keigo had never really talked past the brief “Hey” and “Wassup?” said in greeting when introduced the first time.

“Can he come to the mall with us on Friday? I promise there will be no third wheeling.” Your friend begged, clasping her hands together. You thought about it for a second - this had been a fun shopping trip the two of you had planned a few weeks ago, meant as a girls date on a day the mall wouldn’t be crowded. But would it really hurt anything if her boyfriend came along? Probably not.

“Yeah, I don’t mind.” You shrugged, watching your friends face erupt into a wide grin. “But don’t ditch me to go makeout in a bathroom or something, got it?”

“Sir yes sir!” Your friend faux saluted, before patting you on the shoulder. “Thanks girlie!”

You jerked back, head suddenly swarming with visions, your quirk activating. Your quirk was helpful in some ways, but you mainly tried not to use it - headaches resulted, and you hated getting glimpses of the future. Sometimes they’d be good, but they were often bad - you had gotten a screenshot glimpse of your brothers death, his face marred and bleeding out onto the pavement.

It still made you sick to think about it.

Touch wasn’t something you could always avoid, but you tried, seeing as how it activated your quirk, giving you visions of your future with whomever you touched, or whoever touched you.

You saw your friends face, eyes puffy with tears, shouting something. Then another scene flashed, your friend on TV, talking to a reporter.

Thankfully, the visions ended, this episode relatively quick due to how short of a time she touched you.

“Oh shit, I forgot, I’m so sorry.” She rushed to apologize, holding her hands up and backing away from you.

“It’s-it’s fine.” You wheezed, waving your hand in the air to signal that it wasn’t a big deal. The vision just probably meant the two of you would get into a fight soon, which wasn’t uncommon.  It was fine, you were fine.

——

The mall wasn’t too crowded, which made the day pleasant. Your friend was talking to her boyfriend, hand tangled with his as the three of you walked in.

“So (Y/N), what do you think about that new Victoria’s Secret launch?” Your friend bumped you with her hip, drawing your attention as she pulled you into the conversation between her and her boyfriend.

“Oh, um… what?” To be fair, you had zoned out when the couple started being gross and mushy, which was like, the second your friend met Keigo at the door.

The blonde man laughed. “Victoria’s Secret just launched a new line of lingerie, have any thoughts about it?”

Turning red, you smiled sheepishly. “Ah, well…. From what I’ve seen of their stuff it’s… nice? So I’m sure it’s good.”

Your friend mock-gasped, almost slapping you on the arm before quickly remembering your quirk, drawing her hand back. You gave a quick nod of thanks.

“(Y/N)! Don’t tell me you didn’t even know about it?! I practically live, eat, and sleep Victoria’s Secret, it’s impossible to miss their product drops when you’re one of my friends.”

Unsure how to respond, you floundered, opening and closing your mouth like a lost fish.

“Babe, leave her be, she’s probably just shy.” Keigo stepped in, giving his girlfriend a chuckle as he steered you both towards a shop.

“Fineeee.” Your friend whined, turning to focus on the task ahead. “They have a VS shop here though, you’re not getting out of here without going in with me!”

----

The VS store was huge, smelling sweetly of flowers, bright colors assaulting your vision, soft pop music filling your ears.

It was hard not to cringe at all the fancy lingerie, you were honestly a bit embarrassed to be strolling through the store with your friend, let alone her boyfriend by her side.

“Does-does Keigo mind?” You quietly asked your friend, out of earshot of her boyfriend, who was looking at perfumes, last time you checked.

“Not at all birdie, I’m used to clothes, any form, any shape.”

You whirled around, squeaking in surprise at Keigo, who had apparently finished with browsing the perfume. He was flashing you a 1000 watt grin, continuing with what he was saying. “I’m a model, practically every girl I’ve ever met I’ve seen in less than full underwear, it’s no big deal.”

“Oh…. Cool.” You offered, cheeks turning red again. You felt like such a blushing schoolgirl, turning red when faced with looking at bras and panties, flushing when a man got too close.

It was the nature of the store, you told yourself, that was making you so embarrassed.

“Oo! What do you think of this one?” Your friend was holding up a babydoll, pink, with light fabric and zero coverage.

Keigo wolf whistled. “Man, that’d be a good look for you. Lets buy it.” The couple moved on, pointing at different clothes, your friend occasionally picking one from the rack to hold up against her body, looking for Keigo’s opinion.

They were cute together, laughing over the cheesy names on the tags of the lingerie, holding hands as the browsed, your friend occasionally stopping to plant a kiss on her boyfriend’s cheek.

“I think that’s everything that I like…. (Y/N), your turn!” Pulled out of your casual observance, you back pedaled. “Me? No, I’m not really the type to wear this kind of stuff - I don’t even think most of it would fit, I have weird proportions.“

“Nonsense!” Keigo looked around for a moment, going to the nearest rack to quickly sift through bras, before pulling one out. “This one would make all the boys drool over you honey.”

He held it out towards you, shaking it slightly when you hesitated to take it. Was your friend okay with him talking to you like that, pushing underwear at you to buy? A quick glance sideways showed she was more than okay with it, clasping her hands excitedly as she watched you.

The bra was sheer, soft lavender fabric forming the cups, an intricate embroidered detail of flowers dotted haphazardly over the bra. It was pretty, but you weren’t exactly partial to it. When would you wear it? Who would you wear it for? You weren’t sure it was your style. Plus, it probably wasn’t even your size.

“My arm’s gettin’ real tired.” Keigo joked, before you finally took the garment from him. Checking the size, you paused for a second, blinking towards the man.

“How did you-?”

“You spend enough time in the fashion industry, you learn to tell a girl’s size just by looking at her.”  He seemed to puff up, as if he was proud of his bra-sizing skills.

“Let me help her pick out some things too!” Your friend cried, rushing past you to head over to the next rack, ushering you to follow with a wave of her hand.

You ended up with an armful of lingerie - bras, panties,  an odd bustier or two, and some other flowy items, like a sheer robe and a lacy chemise. The choices weren’t exactly made by you, more so made by a combination of your friend and Keigo together. They had alternated holding up items towards your body, comparing color and garment cuts, lost in their own mushy-gushy world, and it was almost like you didn’t exist for a few moments, nothing more than a barbie doll to dress up.

But now the three of you stood in line to checkout, and you felt included again, your friend cracking jokes that were making you snort, Keigo watching the two of you interact.

Until your friend accidentally brushed against your arm as she shifted forward in line.

Again, you saw her tearful face, heard her sobbing, before the other scene flashed, of her on TV, talking to the reporter. She still looked upset, eyes rimmed red, nose running, hair a mess.

With a gasp, your vision returned to the present, and you were wobbling on your feet, almost falling.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry (Y/N), I’m so so sorry. Here, let me take that, go sit down by the entrance.” She fussed over you, face concerned as she carefully took the stack of clothes from your arms, making sure to not make contact.

“Oh fuck, is she alright?” You heard Keigo ask, your friend stepping in front of you as he moved forward to check on you.

“Yeah, she’s just feeling a little dizzy. Can you make sure she doesn’t fall and crack her head open? Just wait by the entrance please.”

“Okay. Oh, here-“ You were a bit dazed, but you saw Keigo fish his wallet out of his pocket, thrusting the entire thing into his girlfriends hands before patting her on the shoulder “Whichever card is fine.”

And then you were stumbling towards the entrance, towards the bench right outside.

You hated seeing the future. Why was your friend crying? What had happened to elicit such a reaction? The unknowns killed you, kept you up at night as you tried to puzzle out the events that could lead up to the scenes from your visions.

Not looking where you were going, you tripped on air, unable to catch yourself as you plummeted towards the ground.

But then you were seeing Keigo.

He was above you, face flushed and sweaty, hair tousled, his chest bare. The room was dark, barely lit, and he was so close. The man leaned down to kiss you, then the scene changed.

You were bent over a table, only able to see the solid wood your face was smushed against. There was a heat in your belly, a tingling between your thighs, and pressure. Someone was talking - Keigo, muttering behind you angrily. You head was pulled up, a hand fisted in your hair, and then one of your knees was pushed up onto the table, and the pressure inside exploded into pure pleasure.

You felt yourself screaming, bucking your hips as you suffered through whatever the feeling was.

The scene changed again.

Hands tied above your head, you were pressed against a wall, sitting on some kind of…. Saddle? Your legs couldn’t touch the ground, and you squirmed, before gasping loudly.

There was a nub in the seat, ribbed and textured, slick with some kind of liquid… From you? Then you saw Keigo, standing in front of you, smirking at you with hardened eyes.

He had something in his hand, arms crossed over his chest while he fiddled with the object, muscles flexing. He was shirtless again, and-and his cock was hanging out of his sweatpants, pressed against his belly, smearing precum over his skin.

You tried to say something, anything - the visions never lasted this long, it was too intense, there was so much sensation. But your mouth wouldn’t move, choked up.

Keigo’s hand was on his length, rubbing slowly, saying something that didn’t reach your ears.

The scene changed.

Something was shoved down your throat, warm and twitching. You were sobbing, choking, clawing at whatever was in front of you. A dark laugh filled your ears, and you opened your eyes, met with the clenching abs of a strong stomach.

Keigo was brushing your tears, no, smudging them over your face. Were you wearing makeup? His cock was sitting in your throat, his hips moving in tiny jerks, stabbing your esophagus, making you gag.

Then you were back in the present.

A hand was holding your arm, keeping you from falling and making contact with the hard floor.

“-N)? (Y/N)? Are you okay? Talk to me birdie”

You made a panicked noise, pulling yourself out of Keigo’s grip so fast that you fell flat on the floor, scrambling backwards away from the man.

He almost looked scared, confused as he followed after you, holding out his hands. “(Y/N), you gotta calm down, you’re gonna make yourself sick.”

The man reached for your arm again and you pressed yourself against the floor, screeching out a loud “No!!” before he could touch you. Keigo paused, looking at his hand, then at you. “Hey, hey, I’m not gonna touch you. It’s okay little birdie, you’re alright.” He cooed, sinking to his knees in front of you.

You were hyperventilating, wide eyes trained on Keigo. Your thoughts were swirling in your head, you couldn’t focus, the sensations of the future still echoing through your body.

Keigo crouched there while you steadied your breathing, talking to you the entire time, trying to help you relax and calm down. You weren’t sure what he was saying, something about the weather? Or a dog? But you could feel your breathing evening out, head clearing.

“Hey, she fall?” You friend was carrying two bags, crouching down beside Keigo, cocking her head at you.

Her boyfriend nodded, turning to her and taking one of the bags. “I caught her, but then she freaked out and fell for real.”

Your friend nodded. “I should’ve told you earlier, she has a touch-based quirk. Every time someone touches her, she sees snippets of her future with that person.”

Keigo cocked his own head, gazing at you curiously. “I guess her future with me isn’t too positive then?”

Your friend shrugged. “Eh, she just hates seeing parts of the future. She doesn’t want to know what’s going to happen, makes her worry or something like that. Don’t take it too personally, she’s like that with everyone.”

“It-it-“ you rasped out, causing both sets of eyes to swivel towards you. “-I hate it... because-‘cause I can’t ever cha-change it.” You shivered.

Keigo nodded in understanding, before rising to his feet. “Think you can walk to my car? I’ll drive you two home, I think you’d benefit from some rest.”

He dropped you off at your apartment, and you wearily waved at the couple as they drove off, before heading inside.

----

A week passed, then two.

The visions you had concerning Keigo were plaguing your mind, filling your body with anxiety. There had been a distinctive feel of fear during each one, and despite all the other various sensations felt, the most overwhelming had been distress.

Whatever was going to happen, you weren’t going to like it.

You were holing up in your apartment, ignoring your roommates when they knocked on your door, only leaving your room to eat or grab water. You couldn’t sleep, too scared you’d have dreams, or more accurately, nightmares of what you had seen.

Curse your quirk.

Trying to pass time, desperate to keep your mind off of the future, you threw yourself into any activity you could find.

First you tried coloring - it was supposed to be relaxing, but it gave you too much time to think.

Then you tried gaming, spending hours in front of your computer mashing the keys. That worked for a bit, but your eyes and head soon protested.

You listened to music at full volume, tried several workout videos, even resorted to cleaning your space with fervent energy.

None of it took your mind off the inevitable.

“(Y/N), someone’s at the door asking for you.” You jerked awake, slumped over uncomfortably on the floor, the half finished card tower in front of you promptly knocked over at your erratic movements.

“(Y/N)?” Your roommate called again.

“Yeah! Coming, sorry.” You mumbled, scrubbing sleep from your eyes. You guess your body would give out sometime and force you to fall asleep, but as you moved to stand, you sorely wished your body had chosen a more comfortable place to pass out.

Opening the front door, you immediately took a cautious step back, sleepy demeanor vanishing.

Keigo smiled at you, one hand in the pocket of his jeans, the other holding a bouquet of flowers.

Flowers?

“Hey birdie, mind if I come in?”

You stared at him for a second, immediately on guard. Why did he have flowers? Why did he want to come in? Wasn’t he dating your friend? She didn’t live here, what was he doing here?

The man cleared his throat, raising an eyebrow at you. You moved to the side, holding open the door for Keigo to come inside.

Your roommates were home. If anything happened, they would be within earshot.

Keigo shot you a smile and a thanks, before immediately moving into the small living room, taking a seat on the couch. When he saw you still hovering by the open door, he patted the cushion beside him.

“Come sit, I promise I don’t bite.” He thought for a moment, before grinning. “Well, not unless you want me to.”

Hesitantly, you shut the front door, going to sit in a ratty armchair further away from the winged man. If this bothered him, the man didn’t let it show other than a short pause before he spoke.

“So, I know it probably seems like, super weird for me to show up at your apartment, but hear me out.”

Flowers were shoved in your lap, Keigo taking great care to avoid touching you.  “I felt bad about the other day, and my girl and I decided that we should get you some flowers. She picked ‘em out, it even says so on the note.”  The man laughed, running a hand through his hair.

“She’s so uptight about this kinda stuff. Anyways, just wanted to say that I’m sorry for grabbing you like that. If I had known, I would’ve let you fall flat on your ass. But I know now, so I’ll be better, cool with you?”

Finishing his little speech, Keigo held out his hands, wings stretching behind him to mimic the gesture.

Looking at the flowers in your lap, you felt your hands shaking. Picking up the little note attached to the bouquet, you found that your friend had indeed picked out the flowers, which made sense. They were your favorites, and in a nice color too.  Keigo had left a messy, scrawled “Sorry!” in one corner, before signing by his girlfriends name.

“Um, thank you Keigo, you didn’t have to apologize.” You murmured, rubbing one of the flower petals between your fingers. You were so glad your quirk extended solely to humans - if you were shown glimpses of the future of everything you touched, you would most likely go mad.

“Nah, I wanted to. Also wanted to swing by, check how you’re doing. You been taking care of yourself?” He relaxed on the couch, legs spread, arms resting behind his head. This wasn’t his home, yet you totally could believe that it was by the ease with which he owned the space with his presence.

“Oh, well… I’m still here, so…” You shrugged.

Keigo frowned. “That’s not a fun answer. How much sleep you been gettin’ each night? Eight hours?”

You shook your head, huffing out a breath in place of a laugh.

Keigo clicked his tongue. “No sleep? That’s bad for you y’know. Have you at least been drinking water? Eatin’?”

You nodded quickly, looking up to meet the man’s gaze. “I’m not a kid. I appreciate your concern, but it’s not necessary.”

At this point, you think the best thing for your health would be for the man to leave.

The blonde man stared at you for a moment, before sighing. “Alright, I get it. But I don’t want to hear that you’ve passed out or something, got it? Your friend would kill me.”

He rose to his feet, and so did you, walking him to the door. “Thanks Keigo, and thank you again for the flowers. That was very sweet of you both.”

Keigo beamed, giving a two fingered salute. “You deserve it birdie. Well, have a good rest of your day, yeah? Eat something.”

You smiled, at Keigo as he turned away, beginning to whistle as he strolled down the hall.

Once the door was shut, you found a vase for the flowers, filling it with water and setting it on the table. Your roommates would think it was pretty, and it was, a nice little centerpiece.

That really was nice of your friend and Keigo to offer you flowers.

——

“Welcome to Gold Nile Jewelers, how can I-“ You blinked at the man entering the shop. “-Keigo.”

“Birdie? You work here?” He looked just as confused as you felt, cocking his head to the side as he approached the counter.

You looked around the small display room, nodding your head. “Yep… You looking for anything specific today?”

“Ah, right!” He clasped his hands together, bending over to lean on the display counter as he looked up at you. “So professional (Y/N), it’s just me.” The man chuckled.

“Actually, I thought I’d get my girl a cute little bracelet or something like that, you think she’d like that?”

Knowing your friend, she’d be ecstactic. “Oh, absolutely. Any particular occasion, or just an “I love you gift”?” You asked, already running through the list of bracelets in stock.

“It’s our two month anniversary in another week, thought I’d get her a little sumn’ sumn’, y’know?”

Gold Nile Jewelers was an expensive store. You patted yourself on the back for not dropping your jaw when he said “two month anniversary”. People came here for wedding rings and special occasion jewelry, not monthly anniversaries like some high schoolers.

Well, unless they were rich.

You showed Keigo the selection of bracelets currently available, the man listening quietly to your product descriptions and recommendations, asking questions about the fit and feel, and if you think your friend would like a particular one.

“Honestly Keigo, I could choose one I think she’d like, but it’d be more special if you chose for her.” You finally told him.  He wasn’t annoying you, but you felt frustrated with his apparent lack of knowledge about his girlfriend. How did he not know what her favorite color was? “I’d suggest coming back in a few days. Go home, see what kind of jewelry she wears, pay attention to the colors she gravitates towards, if she’s allergic to any metals.”

Keigo tapped his chin. “Hmm, you have a good point. I guess I should pay more attention to those kinds of things.”

You nodded as you began to pack the expensive bracelets back into their display cases. “Gifts for a significant other can be hard. Honestly, it means a lot if they pick it out themselves and surprise you with it. Makes it special.”

“Oh, you have a partner?” Keigo asked, bright eyes watching your hands work.

A frown almost crossed your features, but you stopped it before it could show. “Ah, sorry, that’s not really a work-appropriate question.”

“Awh, c’mon! It’s just me, we’re friends, can’t you tell me?” Keigo pouted, batting his eyelashes at you in an exaggerated, dramatic fashion. The display made you laugh, so you indulged him. After all, he was a friend. No harm in telling him something he was bond to know sooner or later.

“I’m actually single right now. But as a jeweler sale associate, I know how much it means to a person when their partner picks out a gift for them, especially if it’s a surprise.”

Keigo nodded his head solemnly.  “That makes sense. I better follow your advice then eh? Find out what she likes-“ he mused “-I can do that.”

“Good luck Keigo!” You called after him as he strolled through the door, waving when he smiled at you, giving that same, goofy two fingered salute that he always did when saying goodbye.

The man unnerved you, the visions you had experienced concerning him making you worry. But as long as he was dating your friend, you felt that you’d be fine.

-----

Keigo showed up again two days later.

“Back so soon?”

“You know me-“ He shook out his umbrella, placing it in the drip-bin by the door, wiping his shoes on the mat. “I always try to be speedy with my work.”

It was grey outside, drizzling slightly. You loved these kinds of days, where you could sit near a window and watch it rain while sipping tea. It was so peaceful and calm, and always soothed your stress.

“Find out anything useful?” Whatever he could tell you would make it easier to refine the jewelry selection for his particular needs.

“So, she doesn’t have any bracelets, and I asked her about why and she said they annoy her. She likes necklaces.” He clarified,. You could tell by the way he puffed up that he felt proud of his detective skills. “I even made a note of the lengths - she likes ones that dip low, which-“ He wolf whistled, and your stomach turned. But it was fine, just awkward.

“Alright, I think we have quite a few like that. Let me collect them for you and lay them out.”

Keigo strolled around the display room while you bustled about, looking in each case at the shiny metals and stones  

You laid out the necklaces, calling Keigo over. The man smiled brightly at you as you showed him the selection, noticing he was gravitating towards the more simply, elegant choices.

“I’m sure she would be thrilled with any of these.” You offered, Keigo silent as he tried to decide between two necklaces.

Still, the man shook his head, quirking his lips. “I just…. I need to see them on, y’know?” Then he brightened, as if he had just thought of something. “Hey, can you try them on? Model one for me? Just to see what it’d look like.”

You laughed nervously. “Sorry Keigo, but I’m not allowed to do that, it’s against company policy. Only customers get to try on the jewelry, and that’s if they’re supervised.”

“Awh, c’mon! No one else is here, and I won’t tell.” The man leaned forward, shooting you a quick wink before he snatched up one of the necklaces, holding it out towards you. “Please? I just need to see it. I promise I’ll buy it.”

He was so insistent, and no matter how loud the alarm bells were wringing in your head, you felt cowed by his confidence.

“Um, still… I don’t think it’s allowed-“

“Fuck what’s allowed-“ He cut you off, snorting. “-I want to see what it looks like. It’s just me (Y/N), I’m not gonna snitch.”

A heavy sigh, and you finally agreed, taking the necklace from his nimble fingers.  You slung it around your neck, not fastening the back as you held it in place. Hopefully that would be enough to sate Keigo’s curiosity.

His eyes immediately followed the curve of the necklace, how it dipped low towards your cleavage (curse you for wearing a lower-cut shirt today). You tried to ignore the leering.

“Here, let me help you fasten it, doesn’t look right otherwise.”

Before you could protest, he was sliding behind you, deft hands reaching for the necklace your had in your grasp.

“Keigo no-!”

But it was too late.

You were pressed up against a wall, face-first, your hands gathered into the small of your back and held there with a vice-like grip. There was pressure between your legs, something hammering into you, in and out, in and out, in and out.

Keigo was talking to you, you could tell it was the man by his voice. What was he saying? You were too overwhelmed with the sensation between your legs to focus on the words falling from his lips.

Sweat dripped from your temples, Keigo’s chest pressed up against your back was slick with perspiration, his nipples hard and pressing into your skin. It was an uncomfortable situation-

And then it changed.

You were tied up now, tight enough that you couldn’t move no matter how you thrashed. Knees bound in such a way so your ass was up in the air, arms stretched out in front of you, anchored to the headboard of the bed.

Keigo was behind you again - nothing to indicate that the tongue running through your core was his, but somehow, you knew.

You were begging and pleading, withing in your restraints against his tongue, but he wouldn’t let up, he wouldn’t let you crest the mountain that had built up inside. He kept chuckling, the vibrations running through you and making you buck your hips. You felt disgusting.

Then the bed was gone, and Keigo was in front of you. He was sitting in an office chair, your legs straddling his lap. Hands on your hips were dragging you back and forth, grinding you on the hard member protruding from Keigo’s lap. He was flushed, letting out little moans as he kept eye contact with you, smiling and praising you.

Then you were back.

Gasping, you shot away from Keigo, the expensive necklace clattering to the ground as it fell from your hands.

The man froze, confusion etched across his features as he watched you bend over, trying to catch your breath, to calm down, to ignore the lingering sensations from the futuristic visions.

“(Y/N)…”

“I think-I think you should leave.” You heaved, tears building. That had been awful, everything had felt good but you hadn’t. You felt uncomfortable and disrespected and stupid. That couldn’t be your future with Keigo, you wouldn’t be able to handle that. He was your friend’s boyfriend, for goodness sake!

Keigo opened his mouth to say something, but you snapped at him “Leave.”, making the man click his jaw shut.

He walked out the door, shooting you concerned glances the entire way.

You felt better as soon as he was gone, the door clicking shut after him. Thankfully, you were the only employee out front at the moment, and no other customers were present, so no one but you and Keigo had experienced your outburst.

Bending down to pick up the necklace, you inspected it carefully, horrified that you had dropped such an expensive item. It was alright though, so you brought it back to the others, shakily beginning to gather them up to put away.

You didn’t want to see Keigo again.

——-

“I just don’t understand!”

Your friend sobbed, surrounded by tissues on your bed, eyes red and blotchy.  You wished you could rub her back, our give her a hug, but you knew what would happen. So you stayed on the floor, passing up tissues and offering wordless sympathy.

“Why would he break up with me? Why?”

You shrugged, looking for words. “I don’t know… I’m sorry that this happened, but if he can’t see how awesome you are, then he’s an idiot.”

She sniffed, blowing her nose. You could tell she wasn’t convinced, but she didn’t say anything further, instead choosing to wipe her eyes.

She had called an hour or so ago, tearful, asking if she could come over. Refused to tell you what was wrong, but the second you let her in, she had burst into tears, explaining everything.

Keigo had broken up with her via text, that asshole.

“I just…. I thought we were good. Did I do something wrong? I just don’t get it.”

“Neither do I. You said he just texted you out of the blue?”

She nodded her head, going to blow her nose again. “We were supposed to go out for dinner tomorrow, it’s our two month anniversary.”

You cringed. Did your encounter with Keigo in the jewelry store have something to do with this? Had you driven your friend’s boyfriend away? Had you weirded him out? Oh god, what if this was all your fault?

Your friend broke down into a sob again, slumping onto your bed. You passed her another tissue. “It’ll be okay. I think he’s a stupid fucker that just wanted to play with your heart.  He isn’t worth shit. You deserve so much better than him.”

She nodded, blotchy eyes seeking out your own. In the back of your mind, you cringed, seeing the exact same scene from your vision. Well, at least the two of you hadn’t gotten in a fight.

——-

A few weeks later, Keigo was at your door.

“You need to leave. Now.”

“Aw, c’mon (Y/N), at least hear me out?”

You huffed, crossing your arms. Maybe he had a dumb explanation for why he had dumped your friend. You were wary of him accidentally touching you again though. “Fine, but make it quick.”

“No promises.” He grinned, breezing past you and into your apartment. He beelined for the chair you had sat in last time he was here, leaving you to take a seat on the couch.

“Alright-“ He settled in, fixing you with a gleeful eye. “How do you feel about your quirk?”

Caught off guard, you blinked. Wasn’t he going to explain why he had broken your friend’s heart? “Um, what?”

“Your quirk, y’know, the one that makes you see the future?” He leaned forward, rubbing his hands together with a smile. He seemed far too pleased, and it made you nervous.

“I hate it. If I could get rid of it, I would.” You stated, ready to move onto a different topic. But just as you were about to ask him about your friend, he rose to his feet, fishing in his pockets.

He drew out a bracelet, black and red, thin. “Well then, lookie what I have.” The man walked over, sitting down quickly on the couch next to you, causing you to immediately scoot to the end. You didn’t want him touching you.

“Oh, sorry.” He apologized upon noticing your unease. Instead of scooting closer, he simply tossed the bracelet onto your lap, leaning back as he watched you look at it curiously. “Put it on, see how it fits.”

“I don’t need jewelry Keigo, and I think we should be spending our time discussing why you bro-“

“Just put it on (Y/N), please? I promise you won’t regret it.”

Huffing, you did as he asked, clasping the bracelet around your wrist. It fit snug, almost too tight, but it hugged your wrist comfortingly. It was pretty, but you didn’t see what this had to do with your quirk, or with your friend, or anything that held any relevancy.

Bracelet now on, you fixed Keigo with a blank stare. “Happy?”

“I don’t know.” Keigo grinned. “Are you?” And then he was hugging you, arms wrapped around your shoulders, face buried in your neck.

You shrieked, already panicking as you tried to ready yourself for the onslaught of  visions that accompanied physical touch.

They never came.

Choking back a surprised gasp, you drew back from his hug to find Keigo’s eyes, the man smiling down at you as he watched your reaction.

“Kei-Keigo…” You stuttered, shocked, surprised, euphoric, confused - so many emotions, all at once. You couldn’t even think to brush off the hands still around your shoulders, thumbs brushing at the tops of your exposed collarbones by the neck of your shirt.

You weren’t able to think rationally, couldn’t focus on anything but the awe you felt at being touched without being slammed with visions of the future.

You forgot about the terrifying visions you had gotten when Keigo touched you.

You forgot about how he had hurt your friend, broke her heart with no explanation.

You forgot about his hands refusing to leave your body.

“Keigo, this is…. Amazing” You breathed, wide eyes snapping up, catching his smiling face, eyes crinkly and twinkly.

“I had my team modify some quirk-cancelling cuffs! You seemed so upset whenever someone touched you, I couldn’t leave you with such a burden.”

Nodding, you returned your gaze to the bracelet, turning your wrist this way and that to look at the bracelet from different angles.

“I mean, I know how much I like being touched, and touching. I think I’d totally die if I couldn’t.” Keigo chuckled, but you weren’t listening.

The rest of his time sitting next to you on the couch was spent explaining the colors he had spent so long picking (“They’re my personal favorite, aren’t they nice?”) and why he had decided on a bracelet (“It could’ve been a necklace, but I think it looks better in it’s original cuff design, looks cooler that way.”).

By the time he had to leave, you were completely sidetracked, so distracted with your shiny new jewelry that you didn’t even remember to ask what his deal was with being a jerk to your friend, his now ex-girlfriend.

-----

“-and then he gave me the bracelet. I wasn’t thinking much after that, I just… I can hug you, isn’t that incredible?”

You gave your friend another squeeze, feeling a smile dance across your face. But then you sobered, pulling back from her with your hands on her shoulders, quickly becoming serious.

“But he’s really starting to kind of weird me out. Why won’t he explain why he broke up with you? He’s being a little bitch. I tried asking him a couple times, but he kept cutting me off, and I feel like the bracelet was a distraction to stop me from busting his chops about his behavior towards you.”

Your friend looked sad for a second, before shrugging. “I dunno, he just said things weren’t working out, and that while he liked me, he’s not ready for a relationship right now ‘cause of where he’s at in his life.”

“Psh-“ You scoffed, going in for another comforting squeeze for your friend. “-that’s code for “I’m a fuckboy and want to sleep around”.”

“I know….. But it still hurts.” You friend sighed, wrapping her arms around your neck. “But at least he gave you that quirk thing. I’ve never seen you so happy.”

“I just wish he was a mildly decent person.” You grumbled, detaching from the hug to sit back, glaring at the ceiling. “He gives me the fucking creeps.”

“How so?” You friend locked her head to the side, throwing her arm over the back of the couch. You had called her over the second Keigo had left, finally gathering your wits about you.

“I dunno…” You shrugged, not quite ready to tell her about the disturbing visions containing him. Did that have something to do with their breakup? Was it your fault? What was going to happen with Keigo? It honestly scared you, the residual feelings and sensations you could remember from the visions.

Your friend nodded understandingly. “Some people just give off those vibes. Well, at least we don’t ever have to see him again. Good riddance I say.”

You agreed.

——-

Knocking on the door, you shuffled your feet as you took in the house.

It was one of those rich places - nice neighborhood, fancy street filled with lavish houses, expensive cars. You felt slightly out of place, shifting from foot to foot in your clearance-rack clothes.

The door swung open, revealing a sleepy Keigo, shirtless, clad in nothing but sweatpants.

“Oh, um-“ You quickly turned, averting your eyes, trying to give the man privacy in case he hadn’t realized he was shirtless. It looked like he had just woken up from a nap, eyes blinking owlishly, hair mussed.

“Hey (Y/N), come on in.”

Still keeping your eyes turned away, you stepped inside the opulent house, trying not to gape too much at the decor inside. You didn’t want to look like a complete peasant in front of Keigo, but he’d already been to your house, so you could imagine that he knew of your poor-ness.

“Something wrong? You can look at me y’know, I’m not gonna turn you to stone or something.” Keigo joked, voice entirely too close for comfort.

Head whipping around, you found that he was too close, practically almost touching you as he stood beside you, head cocked as he watched you.

“No… nothings wrong, you’re just…” You gestured to his torso, and Keigo looked down in confusion, before looking back at you, a grin on his face.

“Ah, just woke up.” He shrugged, before reaching out to touch your arm. “Bracelet still keeping that quirk at bay?”

You nodding, following the blonde as he turned and walked further into his house, towards the kitchen.

“Glad to hear! I just wanted to look at it a bit, make sure nothing’s worn or torn, y’know? Hate for you to have to deal with the no-touching thing again.” He said over his shoulder, gesturing for you to sit down at the island, on one of the barstools.

You did so, watching the man open his fridge, take out a carton of milk, uncap it. “Is it too tight?”

“Nope.”

He drank right out of the bottle, and you watched some dribble out of the corner of his mouth, down his chin. The man finished gulping down the milk, taking the bottle away from his lips to swipe at the white trail of liquid rolling down his chin.

Eyes dark, he made contact with your own eyes as he cleaned his chin with a finger, stuffing it in his mouth to suck it clean.

That was gross.

The next second, he was back to normal, cheerfully putting the milk back into the fridge. “Good, good. Now, mind if I take a look at it? You should keep it on though.”

You nodded, and Keigo straightened, walking around the island to sit next to you, shuffling his stool closer.

He grabbed your wrist, laying it out on the island, before beginning to poke at the bracelet, running his fingers over it, fiddling with it, squeezing the tendons in your hand, smoothing his hand up your arm.

It felt a bit intrusive.

“So the visions are all blocked?”

“Yep.”

“And you can touch and be touched?”

“Yeah.”

“How’s your appetite? Sometimes complete quirk suppression can make you lose your appetite.”

“It’s been normal, I guess I’m a little hungrier than normal, but I’ve been getting out more too, not as afraid of crowds.”

“Nice! And how about your libido?”

You spluttered, choking on your own spit, snatching your hand away from Keigo’s wandering touches.

“Excuse me? That’s a bit personal, thanks.”

Keigo shrugged, bright eyes hooded and lazy. “It’s just a question.”

“Are you done making sure it’s all good? No broken parts?” You changed the subject, narrowing your eyes. You can’t believe your friend had ever dated him, that you had ever thought he was anything but a playboy.

You wouldn’t even be here, in his house, but he had come into the jewelers a while back (both you and your friend had blocked his number), spouting something about your bracelet needing constant checks and maintenance in order to keep suppressing your quirk. (“Wouldn’t want it to stop working, right? Just stop by sometimes, here’s my address.”).

So here you were.

Keigo leaned back a little, raising an eyebrow at your irritated tone of voice. “Woah there, don’t get snippy. I’m doing you a favor, right? I’m not trying to hurt you or something.”

Technically, you guess he was right. But he had played your friend, had fucked with her feelings. He was a fuckboy, liked messing with each and every girl he could find, and you didn’t care to be one of them.

“And I appreciate that Keigo. But I like to keep my private life private.”

Keigo was silent, simply holding out a hand for you to place your arm in, so he could fiddle more with the bracelet.

Several moments of awkward silence passed before he spoke again. “You’re being awfully ungrateful. It makes me think you don’t even want this little gift. If I were you, I’d be doing everything I could to show the person kind enough to do such a thing for me how thankful I was.”

Lost for words, you stared at the man. Was he expecting some sort of award? Some sort of prize? It’s not like you had anything to give him.

“I don’t have anything to give you in thanks. Just my words, which I’ve said plenty of. I didn’t ask you to make this for me.” You pointed out.

“Sure, but you use it, don’t you? You wouldn’t like it if I took it away, right? Think about how miserable your life was before I gave you this.”

Your life had been miserable. Afraid to go out in crowds, afraid to leave the house, Nervous about grocery shopping, about paying and having the cashier touch your hand as they handed over the change.

Scared of public transportation, of coffeeshops and bookstores, of public parks, even your own home. What if one of your roommates forgot and touched you? Or accidentally bumped into you?

Plus, you could hug now, and shake hands, and slap your friends back when she told a horrible joke, or tap her when you wanted her attention.

You didn’t want to go back to before. “I’m sorry Keigo… I really do think it’s lovely, and I can never thank you enough for doing this for me.”

Keigo let go of your arm, and it swung back to your side. You could feel the man looking at you.

“You know what would let me know that you mean it?”

God, it better not be something sexual.

“You could buy me coffee. Or maybe a cookie from that bakery on 1st Avenue, you know the one? With the little bunny pastries?”

That surprised you.

“You go there? That’s my favorite place.” You mused, looking at Keigo in surprise. He didn’t seem the kind of guy who’d like a place like that. But appearances could be deceiving.

“Of course! I really like their stuff.”

“Alright,” You conceded, rising to your feet. “I’ll get you some stuff from there. Want it today?”

Keigo rose to his feet as well, crossing his arms over his bare chest. “Yeah! Let me get dressed real quick, and then I’ll go with you. Don’t go anywhere birdie.” He shot you a wink, before sauntering past you, out of the kitchen.  You raised a brow, surprised. He meant to go with you?

“Make yourself at home while you wait, don’t be afraid to kick up your feet!”  

——-

The bakery smelled as lovely as usual.

A warm atmosphere, good food, friendly employees. It was your favorite place for a reason.

“Alright, what do you want?” You asked Keigo, the two of you staring up at the menu.

“Hmm, I don’t know. What are you going to get?”

“Probably a muffin, those are my favorite.”

“What!?! That’s my favorite too! How crazy.” Keigo smiled at you, dimples showing. You got the feeling that he was brown-nosing you, but you kept the thought to yourself, striding up to the counter to order.

Muffins purchased, you approached Keigo, who was lounging by one of the display cases, admiring the delicate, mouthwatering masterpieces held within.

“All good to go?” His smile was so charming, so friendly, you almost caught yourself wanting to see it more. Huffing in irritation at yourself, you pushed past him, shoving the bag with his muffin into his chest.

“Here’s your stuff. I’m going home now, see you around.”

“Wait!” Keigo turned, jogging a little to catch up as you exited the bakery. “We gotta eat these before they get cold - hey, birdie, are you listening to me?“

You weren’t, stoically keeping your head turned forward, walking with determination. There was only so much of Keigo that you could tolerate, and you had reached your limit. He was starting to really annoy you, didn’t he get that you wanted to go home? You’ll just eat your muffin on the subway, it’s not that hard.

“(Y/N)-“ His sudden growl was punctuated by an arm on your shoulder, spinning you around and pulling you towards the man.

“Hey-!” The sudden collision of your face with his chest knocked your breath away, almost causing you to drop your own muffin in the process.

When you managed to gather yourself, you shot a glare up at Keigo’s face, only to find the blonde smirking down at you, a fierce glint in his eyes.

“I expect you to listen when I’m talking, got it? I don’t like being ignored.”

That’s evident.

You tried to back away, but he still had a hand on your shoulder, squeezing you tight to him. “Keigo! Let me go, you stupid idiot-“

“Stop it, I’m not doing anything to you, ya big baby.” He cooed down at you, before taking his hand away, letting you stumble backwards.

He was just messing with you, teasing you. It was obvious, yet still you allowed him to be around you.

“Alright, I’m sorry, I know all the touching’s gotta be new still. Wanna go eat these in the park? I’ll buy you some ice cream if you want.”

“I don’t want ice cream, I want to go home.”

Keigo frowned, walking after you when you turned on your heel, heading for the subway. “Why do you dislike me so much? I’ve done so much to help you, and yet you spit in my face. Your parents ever teach you how to be grateful? Or even respectful?”

You gasped at his accusation, stopping in your tracks to whirl around, only to find the man far closer than what you had expected. Still, you tried to hide your surprise at his proximity, jabbing a finger in his direction.

“You are a playboy, you broke my friend’s heart, and you want to sleep with every single person you come across just to mess with their feelings. I don’t want to be around you. I won’t get dragged into that.”

The man watched you, face solemn and contemplative. “Is that really how you see me?”

“Why would I say any of that unless it was true?”

He ran a hand through his hair, looking up and around, as if gathering his bearings, before back down at you.

“Have you ever considered that I’m the one getting my heart broken?”

“Yeah right-“ You scoffed, only for Keigo to cut you off.

“People want to sleep with me because they think it’ll get them something that they want. Fifteen second fame, a piece in a tabloid about my “new lover”…. Think it’ll help them further their career, or that I’ll give them money. I can’t find anyone real.

“And my friend wasn’t real enough for you?” You spat, not believing him for a second.

“Nope.  You think she liked me for who I am?”

“Uh, yeah? She gushed to me all the damn time about how good you were, how she felt about you. That girl held nothing but love and affection for you.”

The man snorted, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, sure, love for my wallet.”

“She’s not like that.” You argued, brows furrowing.

“Really? Cause she was sucking me dry, and not even in a sexy way.”

You crinkled your nose at what he was implying. Your friend wasn’t like that, she truly had felt for Keigo, had liked him as her boyfriend. She wasn’t just a leech.

“I’m done talking about my failed love life.” Keigo said lowly, nudging your shoulder. “I just thought two friends could hangout, but it seems like you think all I do is try and fuck people.”

“No, Kiego…. That’s not what I meant.” Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, but right now…. You almost felt a twinge of sympathy for him.

Some of what he was saying made sense, how people would try and use him for various reasons. But that still didn’t explain his sudden and harsh breakup with your friend. And over text no less, a complete douche move!

But you felt bad about his words, about how he seemed to actually want to hangout, and yet you were accusing him of trying to sleep with you. But what about those visions you had had? Was that even how they went? Or were you remembering falsely based on your bias towards the man?

And what about his suggestive touches, his leering gaze? Was that maybe just how he always was, and it wasn’t exclusive to you? Were you inflating your place in his life, thinking that he wanted you?

It was confusing, and you didn’t want to think about it, try and untangle the lies from the truth. Right now, you just wanted to eat your muffin.

“If you really didn’t mean it, then can we go eat these in the park? I just want to chill with someone that isn’t trying to gain something from me. I want to spend time with someone that’s real.”

With a half-irritated sigh, you nodded, hoping you wouldn’t regret hanging out with the obnoxious man.

-----

He kept calling you, texting you. You’d had to unblock his number at some point, in order for him to text you about the bracelet and when he needed to look at it.

“Come overrrrr, I’m bored!”

“Birdie, are you hungry? The delivery place gave me extra Torikatsu and I don’t want it to go bad. Can I come drop it off?”

He’d swing by the jewelers, leaning over the counter to talk to you about a recent shoot he’d booked, or something he saw recently.

Keigo seemed to slowly insert himself into every facet of your live, against your will, ignoring every subtle, irritated attempt of yours to turn him away. Every single time you saw him, your mind would inevitably think of the visions, but you felt like you couldn’t trust yourself with those anymore.

The man assured you at every step, he had no romantic feelings for you, he just wanted a friend, someone to put him in his place, be honest with him.

You definitely were honest.

Snapping at him when he showed up at your apartment uninvited, coming up behind you on the street and grabbing your sides, laughing when you shrieked and tried to hit your attacker, only to realize it was Keigo.

Tearing into him when he tried to talk badly about your friend - she had been having less and less contact with you, and you couldn’t figure out why. Now your relationship with her was reduced to curt text messages. Maybe she was just going through a hard time, and wanted alone time? Still, you let her know you were there for her, whenever she needed.

You were honest when Keigo asked your opinion on food, TV shows, clothes, movies. It was almost satisfying saying something sucked, just to see Keigo’s face fall slightly, before he shook his head, whining.

“Then help me pick something out! I can’t do it without you-“

He totally could, he was just being a baby.

The more he inserted himself into your life, the more you realized that he was akin to a petulant child, just with muscles and a penchant for inappropriate touching.

Whenever he saw you, he’d try to draw you into a hug, letting his hands drop far down your back, way too low for you to feel comfortable. You’d slap them away, and Keigo would laugh, before ruffling your hair.

He’d have you come over so he could check your quirk suppressor, except he was in the middle of a show, and it was getting to the best part. (“Sit down, shhh, it’s just getting good!”) You’d have to sit through the entire thing, enduring Kiego’s hand lazily drawing shapes over your pants on your thigh, simply putting it back whenever you shoved it off.

He was insufferable, irritating to no end, but you could tell he was a lonely man, bitter about his love life and with his friendships.

So you tolerated his presence.

After all, he wasn’t trying to hurt you. That’s something he reiterated every single time you shied away from his touch. He made you feel like a fool for thinking the man was hitting on you, when he made it so clear that he wasn’t, only interested in friendship.

Until you fell asleep at his house.

Another one of those days were he needed to look at your quirk suppressor (which you were 99% sure was fine, it seemed like he just enjoyed seeing it on your wrist). He had been rummaging around in his room before he had to run and open the front door for you, talking as he walked back to return to his previous task.

Apparently he was trying to find a good shirt, seeing as how he had pants on, but his chest was bare. Keigo instructed you to sit on the bed for a second while he retreated into his massive closet, trying to find a good shirt  to go with the rest of his outfit.

His bedroom was pretty large, a full California King taking up the majority of the space, neatly made. The sheets and blankets felt soft beneath your fingers as you sat on it’s edge, prepared to wait for Keigo for a bit.

The man always took his fashion very seriously - one time he’d even spent two hours trying on clothes until he’d decided on an appropriate outfit to go to the park.

So you followed your tired eyes, exhausted from work and dealing with Keigo, worrying about your friend, daily life stressors and the like.  Keigo wouldn’t mind if you laid back, right? Your feet wouldn’t be on the bed, so it’d be fine.

And it was fine, pleasant, the room the perfect temperature.

You were roughly jerked out of sleep by pressure. Pressure on your hips, pressure on your lips.

Eyes jolting open, you tried to inhale, only to find yourself unsuccessful.

Keigo was on top of you.

Panicking, your hands came to push at him, a muffled sound of protest being squeaked out from where his lips pressed against yours.

Noticing you were awake, Keigo pulled back, smiling the whole while.

“I’m not willing to wait anymore, I just gotta have you.”

His eyes were glinting, hair tousled, still shirtless. You felt goosebumps arise as you remembered the vision you had so long ago, of this exact moment.

“Wai-mmph!” His lips were on yours again, passionate and warm, moving eagerly. A wet tongue pressed at the seam of your mouth, surprising you and making you blanch, which allowed the man access.

Kiego’s tongue explored the inside of your mouth, playfully tapping your own wet muscle, encouraging you to lift it and wrestle with him.

This was too weird, this wasn’t happening, you couldn’t do this-

Biting down hard, you snapped your teeth shut on his tongue, and Keigo yelped, drawing back immediately.

“Ouch, what the fuck!?! Chill out (Y/N), geez.” His hand was dabbing at his mouth, wincing when it came in contact with his bleeding tongue. You had bitten him deep, but you weren’t focused on that right now.

“What are-what are you doing?” Your voice was breathless, disoriented. The room felt…. Dark, and suffocating, as if it was closing in on the two of you, trapping you.

Keigo looked down at you, and it was only then that you realized you had been moved to lie on the bed fully, shoes off, legs splayed. The man rested on his stomach between them, his weight pressed against your body, keeping you still.

“I told you, I can’t wait anymore. I’ve been as nice as I can, but it’s time you started paying me back for everything I’ve done for you.”

What? Paying him back-was he talking about the quirk suppressor he had gifted you? Had he been lying about his true intentions this whole time?

“That’s not right, it was a gift, you-you don’t have to pay back a gift.” You spluttered, feeling as if your chest was collapsing.

Keigo shook his head, swooping down to leave a bloody kiss on your forehead, which you cringed at, before pulling back to speak.

“Nah, it wasn’t a gift. You know how expensive it was? You were always gonna have to compensate me. Now shush, I wanna feel you-“

One of his hands grabbed your jaw, keeping your face turned towards his, pressing down until tears formed in your eyes. His lips were bloody from the bite on his tongue, tasting unmistakably like iron.

You didn’t want this.

Trying to bite him again left you with a slap to your thigh, making you cry out. Keigo huffed out a laugh against your mouth.

He detached from your lips, just to start nibbling at your jawline, elating streaks of red where his lips touched.

“God, you are so sexy. I was trying to chill, but then I came out and you were sleepin’ all cute, and I couldn’t fucking stop myself from touching.”

“Stop doing this, I can pay you with something different. I don’t wanna do this Keigo.” You whispered, on the verge of crying.

“No, I get to decide what you’ll be doing for me, it’s my bracelet-“

“It’s not, you gave it to me, please stop-“

“Shut up.” He growled sinking his teeth into the side of your neck, nipping at the skin hard enough to have you screaming. “You’re so ungrateful, where’s my thanks? I’ve done so much for you.”

“Thank you, thank you Keigo, I appreciate it all-“ You hurried out, hoping it was what he wanted to hear “But I can’t do this, please don’t make me. I wanna go home.”

“There we go, I like the sound of you thanking me. You’re going to thank me for each and every time you cum tonight, got it?”

“No, no, we can’t do this, I can’t! Get off of me, please-“

“You’ll do it, or else I’ll whip you until your flesh hangs off of you in strings.” He hissed, squeezing your jaw cruelly.

The tears in your eyes overflowed as you fell silent.

“Aw, birdie, don’t cry. I’m not gonna hurt you, I never have, right?” He waited for a second, watching your face before he pressed harder, eyes hardening “Right?“

You nodded jerkily, and Keigo came to kiss your tears away, savoring their salty taste as they rolled down your cheeks.

“Keigo, this isn’t right though, please get off me. I don’t want this-“

“You want me to take this away?” A hand caught your shaking wrist, the one that had the quirk suppressor fastened snugly around it, wrenching it up so both of you could see it. “Huh? Put you back where you were in your miserable little life? Running away from everyone, holing up in your apartment, not willing to touch or be touched…”

The very thought made your insides churn, and a fresh round of tears rolled down your face as you shook your head no, lips wobbling as you whined. You felt so pathetic, so small and dumb underneath Keigo.

“That’s what I thought. You’re going to relax now, right? No more begging unless it’s for more.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, beginning to shuffle around until he could slide his hands under your shirt, pressing against your tummy as you flinched away.

“Don’t worry birdie, you’re gonna like every single thing we’re gonna do. You’ve had sex now, yeah? Since I gave you the bracelet?”

You shook your head “no”, it’s not like you were eager for sex before you got it, and all the touching-without-terrifying-visions thing was still new to you, the dating world was being eased into. Somehow though, every single date seemed to be crashed by the man on top of you.

Keigo lit up like a Christmas tree, licking his lips gleefully. “Okay, okay, I can-whew, that’s hot-I can be gentle.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince you, his hands skirting up your ribs, shucking up your shirt as the traveled higher and higher.

“Keigo please-“

“Don’t you dare say stop, I’m not gonna. You’re the first person that doesn’t want anything from me, you’re real, and I’m not stopping.”

His admission made you cringe, recoiling from his touch. He followed you, palms finally smoothing over your breasts, over your bra.

“You’re going to do what I say, or else this-“ Your wrist was wrenched into view, red-and-black bracelet glittering. “-gets removed. And I’ll still do whatever the fuck I want, but you’ll be off in your mind having visions of who-knows-what while I have my way. Got it?”

Your blood chilled, body suddenly feeling ice cold. His tone was dead serious, spitting out the words with a sense of finality.

“So, just lay there and take it birdie, I’ll be good to you.”

[bubblybubbubs]

Stuck With Me (3)

Summary - Draco’s POV on losing his soulmate

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Word Count - 3.5k

AN- I am so sorry this took so long, I hope you all enjoy it!

Part 1  2 

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Sometimes Draco thought about how different his life would be had he not left you, had you not gotten hurt and lost your fucking memory.

It was truly ridiculous, the universe was actively conspiring against him, he was sure of it.

His current living situation just proved that further to him. “Wake the fuck up.” Blaise said slowly pouring water on his face even though Blaise himself was evidently groggy. “I will kill you.”

“Looking forward to it.”

Draco was unsure as to why Blaise had chosen to live in a crappy apartment when his family Manor was free. He missed his silk sheets and expensive pillows. Yet sadly the ministry had decided they wanted to take that leaving Draco on Blaise’s smelly consignment store couch. Had he gotten completely cut off by his family? Perhaps, it would make the disgustingly plain beans and toasts they ate daily make a lot more sense. He’d hate to think that Blaise fed them this by choice.

“Guess who wrote.” Blaise said, wiggling a letter in Draco’s face.

“Loud ginger?”

“Loud ginger.” He confirmed dropping it in on Draco’s face. “You should answer her before we get a howler, then we’ll really see how loud the ginger can get.” Draco looked at the letter, Ginny’s name was scrawled on the envelope and the aggressiveness of the signature made him heavily considering not opening it but the possibility of getting a howler from her convinced him otherwise.

Draco,

You are the worst and I hate you. I’m not sure if you care anymore given that you have refused to make contact with her but y/n is doing fine. I mean sure she’s been asking about her soulmate and lying to her is slowly killing me, but I’m glad you and Blaise are having fun in your bachelor pad and that you have successfully cleared your amnesiac soulmate out of your head.  

Looking forward to hearing your pathetic excuses,

Ginny Weasley.

It was way too fucking early for this.

-

Things were strange.

You had gotten most of your memories back but everything was very different than what you remembered, everyone was different after the war.

The Weasleys, oh the poor Weasleys, they were like your family but the life has been sucked out of them without Fred. They had all tried to hide it from you, they believed you were already going through enough and you didn’t need their problems too. Ginny especially, she hadn’t left your side since you woke up. You kind of felt bad for Harry because whenever he wanted to spend some one on one time with Ginny she always insisted you tagged along.

For example whatever the fuck this current situation was.

“I’m really sorry Harry.” You whispered to him. “I told her I’d be fine alone.”

At first it had sort of made sense how careful everyone had been around you, but at this point it was exhausting. You would walk into a room and it would just go silent. You lost your memory, not your basic communication skills.

“It’s fine, I understand Ginny can be quite persistent.”

“What about me.” Ginny said hooking her arms with the both of you.

“Just that I don’t think I should be going on your dates anymore, it’s kind-“

“Ginny.” Harry said interrupting you pointing towards a boy down the street. He was blonde and lanky, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

You had seen Ginny mad, in fact it was one of the first things to come back to you. Her calm fury was something that hadn’t remained constant since she was young and right now you saw it on her face as she stared daggers into the boy.

She scoffed. “I’ll be back.”

“This might take a while.” Harry said quietly, shaking his head. “Come on we can meet Ginny there.” You stole a glance across the street as Harry dragged you away. Ginny was yelling at the boy but he didn’t seem to care because he wasn’t looking at her he was looking at you. You felt your face heat up and you looked away from him following Harry. “Who was that, should I know him?”

Harry paused for a minute.

He had that face that people had whenever they were walking on eggshells around you.“He went to school with us but I don’t think you two were ever friends.” The way he didn’t look you in the eyes screamed to you that he was lying.Harry was always a horrible bloody liar.

-

It was really hard for Draco to process what Ginny was saying. Her anger had gone right to her face and Draco had been silently betting with himself as to how long it would take for her face to turn the same color as her hair. “Your face is really red.” Draco said, struggling to hold back his laughter. “Are you drunk.” Ginny said stoically.

Was he? It was likely, he honestly couldn't remember the morning or yesterday. The days were sort of blending together.

“Malfoy.” Ginny said. Usually when people used his name they were yelling at him or were angry at him. But Ginny said it with pity which somehow felt worse.

“I don’t get why you're doing this to yourself.” She said. “You’re miserable.” He deserved to be miserable.

“It’s for the best.”

“How’s that.”

Draco had no interest in divulging his feelings to weaslette of all people, but it seemed his judgement was slightly impaired by the alcohol he may or may not had been drinking. “I’m going to fucking Azakban Ginevra,I just dont see the point in telling her I’m her soulmate and possibly facing rejection just for me to be thrown in Azkaban for the rest of my life.” Draco huffed. “Even if she somehow forgave me, I doubt the dementors will be allowing conjugal visits.”

“There are no more dementors at Azkaban, Kingsley got rid of them.”

Now normally Draco was against hitting girls but he was considering it heavily. “Thank you Weasley. I feel way better, I’m sure Azkaban is a paradise now. Remind me to send Kingsley a thank you letter.”

“Draco.” Ginny said.

Gross, hearing Ginny say his first name with pity felt even worse.

“You’re not going to Azkaban, Harry agreed to speak at your trial.”

“Oh great he’ll testify to the one time I helped him, I’m sure it’ll cancel everything else out.” He said. “I’m not a good person Weasley, that’s why I know I’m going to Azkaban, because I deserve it.”

“Is that why you’re staying away from y/n?” Ginny said even angrier than before. “Is this some sort of self punishment.”

Draco stayed quiet.

“Merlin, Draco go to fucking therapy.” Ginny huffed. “You’re not the only one that’ll suffer because of your self pity. She needs her fucking soulmate back, as much as I hate you for everything you’ve put her through I can’t argue with the fucking universe and neither can you.”

“Exactly.”

“What?”

“I shouldn’t have fucking gotten involved with her in the first place, it’s only put her in danger.” He took a deep shaky breath. “And her losing her memory was the universe’s way of telling me to stay away.”

He had known for a long time that she was too good for him  

It was dark and he was tired, turns out making potter stinks badges and teaching all of Slytherin clever chants was demanding. Draco wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings as he walked back to his dorm until of course he heard quiet sobs. He was a firm believer that crying in public was pathetic, especially in a hallway where anyone could stumble across you. And he might’ve told them that had it not been you. He had been thinking about you, not that he would ever tell anyone that ever. But how could he not, you were his soulmate and that had to mean something.

He barely had time to think as his feet moved on their own bringing him in front of you.

“Why are you crying.”

Merlin, could he have been any less compassionate.

“Why do you care Malfoy.” You said.

He hated the way you looked pretty even if your eyes were all puffy and your face was all red.

“I don’t.”

He did. He even started to walk away for dramatic effect of course.

“I’m scared.” It felt weird to hear sincere words from you that weren't you yelling at him, and he hated the fact that he didn't hate it. “Harry has his first task tomorrow he could get hurt or worse.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Don’t tell him I told you this but he has to be some sort of invincible to defeat Voldemort at the age of 1. Don't you think?”He could hardly believe the words he was saying.

“I suppose you’re right.” You finished off.

Draco sat tensely, he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He couldn't hug you could he? No that would be seriously overstepping. You would probably punch him in the face, again. After all you had been the one who wanted to forget about the whole soulmate thing and of course you were a halfblood and a gryffindor on top of that. It would never work.

For once he hated being right.

-

You were actively weighing how likely it was for Ginny to kill you if you woke her up.

Very, is what you eventually came up with. Maybe you could play the amnesia card.

“What do you want y/n.” Ginny grogged from under her. “I’ve been listening to you shifting around for the last hour.”

You had been staying at the Weasley’s and you had absolutely refused to take Fred’s bed so that had resulted in a cramped hammock floating in Ginny’s room.

You turned around to face her with a sorry look on your face.

“Did I know that boy, the one you were yelling at.” You said. “I just feel like I knew him.”

Ginny was quiet the same way Harry was. “No.” She said turning away from you. “No you didn’t.”

“Ginny-”

“Y/n please don’t.” Ginny said, cutting you off. “It’s not for me to tell, if it was believe me you’d already know.”

“I want to go.”

“Go where.”

“To Hogwarts.”

It was embarrassing. Everyone had gone already; they had been able to at least attempt to cope with the trauma they had endured. And you who couldn't even remember the bloody war couldn't work up the nerves to go.

Ginny stared at you for a bit before muttering. “Hermione and Ron are going soon, they’ll likely let you join them.” You were about to make an argument about going on your own before Ginny turned back around nonverbally telling you that the conversation was over.

You still couldn’t sleep and not from lack of trying. Your mind was whirring, ever since you had seen Ginny yell at the boy your lack of memory seemed to be feeling different. And your fear was beginning to settle in, your doctor said that some memories may never come back and that thought made you sick to your stomach. You didn’t feel all that different, Ginny said you were the same whenever you asked. But she could be lying (since she seemed to be in the habit of doing so these days) and you would never know because you had amnesia.

-

Draco was regretting not taking his plea deal. He would much rather be sleeping in Azkaban than waking up on Blaise’s concerningly uncomfortable couch to an angry looking ginger towering over him. No one seemed to value his rest and it was getting ridiculous. He pressed his eyes closed and pull his blanket further over his face in hopes that maybe Ginevra would disappear. Sadly that was not the case and Ginny ripped the blanket off of him leaving Draco quite cold.

Ginny stared down at him as she stood impatiently at the foot of the couch.

“Blaise someone broke into your flat.”

“I noticed mate.” Blaise said who looked just as exhausted hunched over his coffee.

“We need to talk.”

“We talked remember, or were you drunk too?”

Ginny did not look amused and Draco almost felt bad for being so difficult but then he remembered he didn't care.

“Y/n’s going to Hogwarts with Ron and Hermione. She’s likely going to get her memories back.” Ginny said. “Thought you should know.”

Draco sat up. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Ginny said taking a deep breath. “You need to be there.”

“How so?”

“She’s going to remember all the shitty things you’ve done to her and are yet to apologize for and you’re going to lose your soulmate for good.”

“I don't see how me being there will change that.”

Ginny didn't answer him rather she walked towards his chimney. “You know what, screw you. I truly do not care if you go, I just thought you should have the choice that's all.”

Ginny didn't look at Draco, rather giving Blaise a short nod before using the floo to go back to the Burrow.

Draco let himself fall back down to the couch as he listened to Blaises loudly chow down his cereal.

“So are you going to go?” Blaise said his mouth still full.

He felt bad for Blaise’s mum all that money on etiquette lessons for what?

“No.” Draco said, burying his head in his pillow.

“You’re a tosser.”

“I can live with that.”

He could and he has. If he had a sickle for everytime he was called some variation of ‘tosser’ he certainly would not be sleeping on Blaise’s couch.

“I’m calling Pansy.” Blaise didn’t scare him, not in the slightest. But Pansy was another story, Pansy scared everyone, especially the people that loved her which sadly included Draco. “I will kill you.”

“You’re just saying that cause you know she’ll knock some sense into you.”

“I have a lot of sense.” Draco groaned. “In fact I have too much sense.”

Blaise ignored Draco’s exaggerated groans as he called Pansy.The call was short or maybe it was long, all Draco knew was that Pansy was standing over him with that look on her face.

“I’m not going, and you’re not changing my mind Pansy.”

“Blaise leave.” Pansy ordered.

Blaise looked insulted. “This is my house.”

“You call this a house?”

Blaise huffed mumbling under his breath curses at Pansy.

“That was rude.”

“So you're going to lecture me on rudeness now, that's rich coming from you.”

“I dont care.”

“You look and smell like shit, I can tell you ‘don’t care’.” Pansy said.

Never in her life had Pansy been one to sugar coat things and apparently she had no intention of starting to do so. Draco was going to argue it was the couch but he realized he couldn't remember the last time he showered so he kept his mouth shut. Draco a year ago would’ve drowned himself in the black lake had he known he’d come to be like this.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m pulling the card.”

“Pansy no that’s not fair.” Draco said sitting up.

“Fair?”

Poor choice of words.

“Draco, do I have to remind you my soulmate is dead, I stopped feeling tugs and being able to talk to my soulmate when i was 13. Your soulmate is alive by some fucking miracle, and frankly you’re being a selfish prick.”

“Oh.” He always hated when Pansy talked about it. Not because he didn't care but according to Pansy because he cared too much and the last time he had shown any sign of pity towards Pansy it had not gone well for him.

“What lies do you have Ginevra feeding her, does she think she has no soulmate, does she think her soulmate is dead?”

“She doesn’t think she has a soulmate.” Draco said in a low voice, he wasn't proud of what he was doing but he also knew he had no choice. “She was in her coma during the tug. I figured by the time the next one rolls around I have something figured out.”

“And what about you.” She asked. “She may not remember you but you’ll remember her, you'll never forget that you have a soulmate out there that you refuse to see.”

“I won't let myself ruin her.”

“She’s a grown woman, I find it demeaning that you don't see her capable of making her own damn choices.”

“What?”

“You think she'll hate you, you think she’ll be ruined, you think she’s better off. What about what she thinks? You think she'd be okay with you slowly killing yourself?”

“You're a bitch Pansy.”

“So I’ve been told.” She looked towards the clock.

“Come on lets get you something to eat.”

She reached her hand out for Draco to grab.

“I can walk to the kitchen without holding your hand thank you very much.”

Pansy rolled her eyes and grabbed onto Draco’s arm.

“What are you-”

Draco’s sentence was cut off by Pansy apparating them both out of the loft.

-

Draco had gone to his fair share of therapy, did it ever work? no, Draco would rather die before talking about his feelings with a stranger but he had been taught his fair share of anger exercises . And Merlin did they come in handy, truly it was the only thing keeping him from throttling Pansy as she stood there with a smug face looking at the rubble that once was Hogwarts.

“Pansy.” Draco said slowly.

“Shut up, look she’s right there.”

“I’m not ready Pansy.” Draco said wiping his palms on his pants out of stress. “I wanted to bring her flowers.”

“flowers?”

“Forget me nots.” He said with a sardonic dry chuckle. “It was our unofficial flower, ironic isn’t it.”

“The fact that you have an unofficial flower makes me want to throw up.”

“I need flowers.” He said. Pansy groaned before searching the grass. She picked up a dandelion swirling her wand transfiguring it into a bouquet of forget me nots.

“Here, go.” He was about to give another excuse but Pansy apperated away. The one time he needed her she leaves.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to approach her without seeming like a stalker.

His thoughts were disrupted by Hermione and Ron walking up to him. He wanted to turn around so bad but he had no doubt that if he did so Hermione and Ron wouldn’t hesitate to curse him.

“Granger, Weasley.” He said sticking his hands as deep as his pockets would allow him.

“I didn’t think you were going to come.” Hermione said.

Draco shrugged.

“Just go talk to her.” Ron said.

“Thats why Im here.”

Ron mumbled something under his breath but Draco didn’t feel like fighting Weasley.

Draco had never felt such anxiety because of another person. He had always been confident and walked around like he owned the world, but now he felt scared.He watched you as you traced your hands across the bricks of Hogwarts, his steps faltering as he came closer to you.

“Hi Y/n.” He called out.

You turned to look at him. Draco’s heart felt heavy at the way you looked at him, not any recognition in your eyes. You had once looked at him with such love, then such hate but now you looked at him with nothing. because right now that’s what he was to you, and it broke his heart.

“You.” You said stepping closer. “You were the one talking to Ginny.”

“I wouldn’t really call it talking, she yelled I stood there.”

“Ginny does that a lot.” You shrugged.

“Yeah.” He said.

You spotted the flowers in his hands.

“I’m sorry, who did you lose?”

His hands tightened on the flowers.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” You said. “I lost my friend Fred, and my memory. But I don't feel like I lost it since I can't remember ever having it. But I miss Fred.”

He studied every centimeter of your face noting the subtle changes he didn’t notice the last time he saw you as you rambled on about Fred anxiously.

“You.” He said voice wavering. “I lost you.”

You stayed quiet for a second.

“I’m sorry I-“

“don’t know who I am?” He said with a dry laugh. “I was sort of expecting that.”

You didn’t say anything studying his face for anything that sparked a memory in you.

He dug through his jacket pocket pulling out a photo.

His hands were sweating and he tried his best not to touch your hand. Partially because he didn’t want you to feel his sweaty hands and because he feared he would break down at the realization that you were finally here in front of him.

“I’m Draco and you’re my soulmate.” He said

-

AN THIS IS NOT THE LAST PART THE LAST PART WILL BE THE NEXT PART

[miraeluc]

you’re suffering alone

prompt: “kageyama knows you as his little ray of sunshine, but what does he do when he finds out how you really feel?”

pairing: kageyama x female! reader 

word count: 3k

warnings: MAJOR tw!!! depression, again major tw self harm, reader cries a lot when kageyama finds out, reader’s mom is dead lol i went all out 

genre: fluff, angst

you were always their little ray of sunshine

when you first joined the school a year ago and introduced yourself all excitedly

hinata ran to tanaka after that class

“we need to convince her to be our manager!!!!”

tanaka was down lol

it didn’t take long to convince you, you were looking for extracurricular activities to engage in anyway 

the conversation went a bit like this

“y/n-san! do you want to be karasuno’s volleyball team manager?”

“sure!”

“we swear it- did you just say yes?”

“...yes”

cue tanaka and hinata screaming 

after you became their manager it didn’t take you and kageyama too long to fall in love either 

he adored the good vibes you brought with in any room you stepped in and you enjoyed the calmness that came with him (except when hinata’s around to annoy him, pretty boy radiates ᵃⁿᵍʸ energy then lol)

poor boy didn’t know that what he felt towards you until he had the whole team screaming at him to ask you out 

so he did 

and so you ended up here, 10 months into dating kageyama and 12 months into being karasuno’s manager along with kiyoko and hitoka 

everyone found it a little weird that you were always the one to stay the longest out of everyone, but everyone assumed it was just because you genuinely enjoyed being there

which you did, don’t get me wrong

that just wasn’t the only reason.

no one actually knew why you had changed schools in the middle of the year

every time someone asked you pushed it off, claiming your old school just wasn’t working out and started babbling about how much you love being at this school and how glad you are to have found real friends like them

“time for a break, i brought food!!”

you held the bags of food up, getting tackled in a gross sweaty hug by nishinoya 

“it’s like you heard my stomach calling out for you, y/n!!! you’re my saviour!!!”

you immediately laughed 

“i know, noya, now get off, you’re sweaty” you cringed a little and he got off, a little offended but he quickly forgot about it and snatched the bags 

you were all sat on the ground, everyone eating quietly when hinata started complaining about his mother nagging him to focus a little more on studying 

that’s how everyone started talking about their mothers, somehow everyone having a little to complain about 

“what ‘bout you, y/n? you have nothing to remark about your mom like our little crybabies here?” daichi looked at you

everyone whined at that,, “we’re not babies!!”

you tensed up at the question before relaxing and smiling 

“nope! my mom is perfect.” you giggled

“woah, i wish!! you need to introduce me to your mom, y/n!!” 

noya was very invested in your mom being perfect, lol

you see

kageyama here is very observant, whether it be on the court or just, well, people in general

he saw you tense up for that split-second, not pressing it further 

he knows you most likely aren’t ready to talk about it 

now that he thinks about it, you never talk about your family

he’d love to know but he understands that you’ll come to him when you’re ready to tell him and he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by nagging you about it

“i’ll introduce you to her, noya” you giggled

his face lit up and he nodded before the topic changed again and you could now also speak to them about how annoying and hard math class is

fr tho i hate math 

after they were done eating no one could move anymore, let alone practice

hinata tried

keyword tried 

he threw up....

no one else even wanted to practice after that - opting to clean up and end practice for today instead

“kageyama, ill head out a bit early today, i’ve got some stuff to do” you said

you startled the shit out of him because he was just bringing the last volleyball to the cart

“HO- oh.” he stopped himself from screaming and turned to you 

“alright, just take care..” he mumbled, ruffling your hair which made you whine and fix it 

you hate when he does that 

he thinks your reaction is adorable

you scoffed and pulled him down to your height to plant a little kiss on his cheek 

he blushed, pda isnt for him

you loved his soft side so much 

nonetheless he smiled at you and straightened up again 

“call me if anything happens” he cleared his throat 

baby was a little awkward with stuff like this 

you didn’t mind though

you nodded and smiled “will do!”

and off you were lol 

hinata then popped up infront of kageyama 

“what’d you do to her!?!?!?! she never leaves early!!!!!!!”

kageyama pushed him away by the head 

“she just has stuff to do, shut up.”

“hey, mom..” you smiled lightly as you sat down 

“nishinoya is really looking forward to meeting you! the whole team asked about you today.. today was an ok day, i was pretty distracted all day so i didn’t have the time to feel sad again.”

...

you sighed

“but, you know, it’s been getting harder lately. it seems that getting out of bed to get to school is getting harder.. i love making everyone happy, but it’s hard being the provider and never getting something in return. sometimes, when things get hard, i just want to drop everything. i want to stop acting so bubbly and happy, but i know you wouldn’t want me to lose my smile.”

you stood up 

“i’ll get going then, i love you.”

you placed the flowers down on the grave before you, staring down at it with a sad smile before making your way home, yet again 

the next day you showed up to school as you usually did, taking your seat next to kageyama after greeting him like usual 

you were having a conversation with hinata

it was too early for kageyama to speak 

everyone was confused when you didn’t show up to practice that day

kags(｡◝‿◜｡) , 2:47pm: are you not coming to practice?

y/n, 2:49pm: no baby, i’m sorry :( i really can’t tODAY, im so upset over it 

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:50pm: did something happen?

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:53pm: y/n?

y/n, 3.26pm: nope, i just have some stuff to do at home  (╥﹏╥)

the next day you showed up like usual again, this time attending practice too

just like that the days seemed to go by in a blur for you 

day by day you felt yourself breaking more 

day by day the scars on your hips multiplied 

and day by day it got a little harder to make the room light up when you stepped inside 

it was after practice and it was only you, nishinoya and kageyama left 

“hey, y/n, can i finally meet your mom today??”

he was pressing around so much about it 

you smiled and shrugged,

“sure, i bet she doesn’t mind a visit”

“can i come too?” kageyama asked timidly and you nodded 

“of course.. it’s about time.” you smiled 

your eyes were a little glassy 

he frowned

nishinoya was too busy getting excited over meeting the first ever perfect mother to notice and he began dragging you out “let’s go then!”

he was pulling you to the direction of your place before you abruptly stopped

“ah-ah, i didn’t say i still live with her, did I?”

you had both boys confused now and you started walking into the right direction

you intertwined your fingers with kageyama’s

he squeezed your hand a little 

he knew you needed a little support 

only did he not expect you to lead them to the cemetery

nishinoya’s smile dropped when you actually entered the cemetery 

he saw it but he expected you to walk past 

you stopped in front of your mothers grave 

“there she is.” you let out a sigh 

kageyama felt his heart drop 

“wait, y/n, i’m so sorry for pressing this so mu-”

kageyama pulled you in a tight hug, shaking his head at the boy, who now went quiet 

he felt so horrible

you were trying so hard to hold your tears back, looking at noya

“don’t worry, you didn’t know.” 

you still smiled at him 

kageyama then spoke 

“it’s best if you go home, don’t you think?”

he didn’t even sound angry at this point 

nishinoya nodded and left 

he really felt so bad 

you couldn’t hold back and broke out in tears after

this was the first time you cried in front of your boyfriend 

he didn’t expect it to hurt this much 

hearing your little sobs break through you 

he could feel his own heart breaking as he tightened the hug 

neither of you said anything

he just let you cry into his chest 

he didn’t need to tell you he was there for you with words

he told you through gently patting your back as you cried

he told you through not judging you when you cried like this 

even when it started raining and the rain was slowly seeping through both of your clothes he didnt loosen his grip on you 

he let you finish crying 

however long it took 

and when you finally looked up at him, only the moon’s light illuminating your face, he felt his heart break, again, at the sight of your puffy eyes and red nose

he wanted to protect you from all bad things, forever.

“gosh, i’m sorry, it took me so long to stop crying..” 

he shook his head and pecked your forehead quickly “no. you didn’t.”

“..is this why you always avoided talking about your mother?”

you nodded, looking down at her grave, the flowers you placed there two days ago already droopy

you then looked up at him again 

“thank you, for.. supporting me..”

nishinoya apologised about 27 times when he saw you 

you kept reassuring him that it was alright but he felt so bad 

he felt so bad he couldn’t even properly play that day 

daichi sent him home early

“come back when you dont have two left legs!!!”

practice ended soon after that anyway 

you sat on a bench, filling out the last bits of your homework so you didnt have to do it at home, not even noticing that it was just you and kageyama left until he called out to you 

“hey, y/n, mind throwing me some balls? i’m not tired yet and i want to keep practicing”

you happily helped

you admired his determination to get better daily

it was refreshing, seeing him so passionate about volleyball 

how couldn’t you help when he asked like that

that’s how he was now practicing as you were talking 

“can you come over tonight?”

you furrowed your brows

“but it’s a school night?”

he shrugged “i don’t care. you haven’t been at my place for three entire weeks! i only see you at school, i miss you.” he was honest

he really missed you and he wanted to know what was up with your lame excuses every time he asked 

you then nodded 

“alright then, i’ll come.”

whilst he was busy drinking water you tried ‘passing’ the ball (at which you horribly failed)

“look, i’m a better setter than you!”

he chased you down lol 

you took him by surprise when he finally caught you, grabbing onto your hips, followed by a loud intake of breath and a wince from you

fuck

well

he obviously immediately let go

“y/n. what’s wrong?”

you sighed and turned towards him

“um.. i.. hit my hip earlier today..?” you trailed off and he immediately knew that you were lying 

honestly, he kind of had an idea of what it was 

he just didn’t want to think of that possibility

he might be a bit slow, but he’s not stupid 

he has a slight idea why you haven’t been coming over

he notices how the circles under your eyes have gotten darker 

he notices how you sleep in classes, which is something you never do 

and he’s so, so worried 

but he’s scared to approach you 

he’s scared to confirm his worst fears 

he shook his head at you “don’t lie.”

you sighed softly “kageyama, it’s nothing.”

you avoided his gaze and he shook his head again, now unable to hold back from speaking 

“no, y/n. you’re not okay, i know you’re not. i know that you struggle every day and i know you don’t like speaking about it, but i just can’t keep watching you suffer in silence, i do give you your space, but not when it truly concerns your well-being to the point i cant touch you or see you as often as i’d like to!” 

he stopped and took a deep breath, shaking his head 

“let’s go home first, i want to talk about this in a place i can do more for you.”

you were speechless

you never had expected him to notice anything, let alone speak up about it 

you were so lost in thought you let him drag you to his room quietly 

you snapped back to reality when he was unlocking his door, walking inside when it was open - you following 

you sat on his bed, still not knowing what to say

how the tables turn, usually its kageyama being the quiet one and you being the one to fill the silence with unnecessary babbling lol 

he looked at you, uncertainty swimming in his eyes

“can i see?”

you immediately knew what he was talking about, looking down 

you pondered over it a little before nodding

he crouched down before you, looking up at you 

“you know you can trust me, right?”

you furrowed your brows “of course”

“you don’t need to hide your feelings from me, baby, i love you through all of your emotional states, i love seeing you happy but i like comforting you when you feel sad too, you mustn’t hide your feelings.”

your eyes filled with tears at that one sentence

i love you through all of your emotional states

“thank you..” you sniffled

“i mean it. it hurts me when you hide it, it makes me feel so helpless, i don’t want to watch you crumble before my eyes, please, talk to me..”

“i just feel so hopeless, kags.. my heart feels so dull lately.”

you finally let in

“it feels like every single day repeats itself and all of my responsibilities are so hard to fulfill..it’s so hard turning up to school, bringing positive energy with me when all i feel is my sadness taking over my entire self bit by bit.”

he was listening, now sat on the floor before you, chin resting on your knee as you spoke

“but you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness except yours. i don’t like when you prioritise others before yourself, y/n.. i don’t say it often but you’re truly so important to me and i don’t want you to lose yourself only because you try to make others happy.. it isn’t worth it, we love you for you, i can assure you, no one from our group would judge you for feeling down, we all have bad days, gosh, we all have bad weeks or even months! hiding these feelings will only worsen your pain and lead you to.. do irrational things..” he said, fingertips tracing over your hip gently

“let me see first and then we’ll talk about how we’re fixing this, ok?”

you sniffled and nodded, letting him pull the side of your pants down enough to reveal to him what he feared most 

seeing the cuts scattered on your skin broke him, truly.

he gulped and stood up, leaving to get you a pair of his shorts

“put these on, this way i can tend to them better.” he said, wanting to clean it up first before telling you his thoughts about it 

you nodded and changed into the shorts, him trying not to break down there and then as he left to get some stuff

when he came back you were patiently waiting for him and let him clean the cuts with some alcohol (not without complaining at the stings) before he bandaged them up as best as he could

he then laid down and pulled you with him, hugging you

“oh my precious y/n..” he mumbled

he was hugging your head to his chest to hide the fact that he was tearing up 

he wanted to help you so bad but he knew exactly that he couldn’t just end your suffering and it hurt him 

“but why? why do you do that to yourself?”

his voice cracked when he asked and you looked up, realisation hitting you 

you hurt him so bad by doing this.

the person you loved and cherished most 

“it felt like the only escape”

he caressed the top of your head

“pressuring you into stopping won’t help and isn’t worth it, but please, when you feel like.. doing that, call me instead. i’ll be at your place in no time and- even if you don’t want to talk i can just hug you and keep you company-”

you cut him off by pressing your lips against his

“i will, baby. i’ll call you whenever i feel down from now on”

he nodded “thank you”

he was thanking you as if he wasn’t the one helping you right now

you now hugged him back, “i’m sorry for not saying earlier..”

he hummed “lets just lay here. you’ll get better, i promise.”

he kept his promise

ever since that day, he’s been calling you morning and night, making sure you felt good waking up and going to bed 

he often called you through entire nights

he made you slowly start to understand that your purpose wasn’t to make anyone happy but yourself

he made you realise you were more than a mere person that’s always happy

and he made you understand that showing your feelings wasnt something to be embarrassed about 

(the entire team was very supportive too when they found out you were struggling! kageyama didn’t explain the details though)

so yep.

you had kageyama and a bunch of friends that were supporting you 

and for the first time, you felt hopeful for the future, your mother watching over you proudly after years of struggling and even having to move schools for a fresh start

she could now rest easily, knowing your guardian angel found his way to you and won’t ever leave you.

a/n: YALL I MADE MYSELF EMO WITH THIS ONE:( i hope you enjoyed it & please leave comments about it! 

[nostalgiahan]

Euphoria

word count: 4k (holy shit)

genre: smut

content/warnings: explicit sexual content, threesome, restraints, pillow humping, oral (both receiving,) anal (m receiving,) face sitting, consent, discussion of boundaries, aftercare :)

pairing: dom!chan x sub!felix x afab/switch!reader

a/n: it is heavily implied that felix goes into subspace at the end! however you can interpret it however you want <3

You never planned on having two friends with benefits at once, but it turned out to be better than you could have ever imagined. You were originally just looking for someone to take your emotions out on after a long day, break them down to the bone and then put them back together again. You found that in Felix, your perfect boy; always obedient and eager to please, even if that meant getting orgasm after orgasm cruelly denied or being overstimulated to the point where his lithe frame was shaking and his eyes were puffy and red from tears. In the end, though, you were always there to calm him down, to rub lotion into his sores and to kiss his bruises better, to run your fingers through his hair as he cries into your chest. That’s what makes it worth it for you.

However, soon enough, you became burnt out. Domming Felix was fun, but it was tiring, and sometimes you just wanted to be taken care of. This lead you to Chan; similar to Felix in some ways but entirely opposite in others. Where Felix was timid and obedient, Chan was outgoing and domineering; ready to degrade you and pound you into his creaky bed or call you sweet names and milk multiple orgasms out of you until you were relaxed; whatever you happened to need that day.

So here you were. You had thought for some time about introducing them to each other; after all, they would fit together perfectly. Chan was the Yin to Felix’s Yang; one unabashedly dominant and the other perfectly submissive. You would love to just sit back and watch their dynamic play out. However, you also felt that doing that would make things more than just casual, and you weren’t sure how either of them felt about it. That was, until after one of your sessions with Felix.

You two were in the bath, his back against your chest, and you thought he was asleep until he turned around to press a peck to the top of your breast, his favorite way of getting your attention.

“What’s up, Lixie?”

“Um, I’ve been thinking about… something. Lately.”

“Yeah? What is it, baby boy?”

You maneuver him so you’re both sitting up in the tub, facing each other. At that, Felix averts his gaze.

“What do you think about, maybe, bringing in another dom?”

It’s silent for a bit before Felix speaks again.

“I mean, it’s okay if not. It’s just… you’re a really good dom, but I’ve been thinking lately about how hot it would be to be dommed by… two people at once. I don’t know. I feel like it’s weird.”

You bring a gentle hand under his chin, guiding him to look you in the eyes.

“Sweet boy, it’s not weird. I’ve been thinking about it too.”

You pull him against your chest again, and your hand returns to his hair.

“I have another friend with benefits, you know. His name is Chan. He’s a really good dom, and I’ve been thinking about introducing you two for a while.”

Felix relaxes noticeably against you, nuzzling his face into your chest.

“How about I text him right now?”

“Mmm. Bath first.”

“Of course. We’ll finish our bath, and then I’ll fix you some tea, and then we’ll text him. Sound good, Lixie?”

Felix nods against your chest, and not five minutes later, he’s dead asleep.

About half an hour later, the two of you are in bed, phone in hand. You’ve already shown Felix Chan’s pictures, and he seemed intrigued, given the way he shifted in his spot and gulped a bit louder than he probably intended to.

“Alright, Lixie, what do you want to say? He already knows that you’re my sub, but not much else.”

“Uh, we should probably get straight to the point, I guess. Something like, ‘Hi, my sub and I want you to fuck us.’”

He giggles, a cute sound that makes the air in the room feel lighter.

“Okay, maybe that’s too forward.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Felix is still giggling slightly as you type out a draft in your Notes app.

“How does this sound, baby boy?”

Hi, Chan. My sub and I were talking about how we might want to introduce another person into the bedroom, and I’ve been thinking about introducing you two for a while. Is this something you’d be interested in?

Barely a minute passes before Chan replies. It’s short, but it’s all the two of you need to hear.

Of course

The three of you settle on a time and date, about a week later. You didn’t have the foresight to set up a group chat or anything of the sort, so you’re going into this completely blind. Whatever. It’ll be fine.

The first one to arrive is Chan, and he has a duffel bag with him. Expected, but a bit intimidating.

“We could’ve just used my stuff, you know.”

“Eh, it’s more fun this way. Then I get to surprise both of you.”

You scoff but walk across the room to hug him. He takes you in his arms and chuckles when he feels you practically melt against him.

“Long day?”

You just sigh and Chan pecks the top of your head, squeezing you even tighter.

“Don’t worry about a thing, baby. Just let go for tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

A few minutes later, Felix walks in, carrying nothing but his keys and phone. He sets them down nervously on the table by your front door before latching onto your side like a shy child might with their parent.

“Hi, lovely.”

Felix makes a muffled noise into your shirt but doesn’t move to greet Chan.

“What’s wrong, baby boy? Nervous?”

Felix pulls away to nod, gaze fixed firmly on the floor. Chan coos before approaching Felix slowly, just trying to get a closer look at the boy.

“You’re more… intimidating then I thought you’d be.”

Chan smiles wide and giggles brightly at Felix’s statement.

“Don’t worry, Felix. We don’t have to go faster than you’re comfortable with. Besides, we still need to have a talk about boundaries.”

Felix nods slowly, seemingly pleased with Chan’s statement.

“By the way,” you say, the two boys perking up at the sound. “I ordered pizza, it’s in the kitchen. We can have dinner and talk, and maybe you two can get to know each other.”

Felix jumps up, nervousness seemingly forgotten as he rushes to the kitchen, a big smile on his face. He rips the pizza box open, grabbing a slice for himself and shoving it into his mouth unceremoniously, forcing a giggle out of you. As everyone gets their pizza and settles down, you turn on some soft music and invite everyone to sit on your couch. You figured it would be better to have this conversation on neutral ground. Felix immediately curls into your side, now staring inquisitively at Chan, who’s sitting on your other side.

“So, uh, I figured we should just establish some hard boundaries first. Lix, do you want to go?”

Felix nods and grabs his phone from the side table, seemingly opening something on it.

“I wrote down what I wanted to say so I wouldn’t forget.”

Both you and Chan smile at that.

“So, uh, I can’t really handle intense degradation. I can do it if you mix in nice words, but I much prefer praise. I like knowing I’m doing well. Uh, and no bodily fluids or gross stuff like that. And aftercare is really important for me. I need a lot of it.”

Chan nods, looking attentively at Felix.

“Pretty much anything else other than those things is fair game.”

Chan leans in just slightly.

“So what do you like, Felix?”

Felix looks back at his phone, the tips of his ears and nose turning a light pink.

“Uh, choking. And pain. And, uh, praise, obviously. I like being marked up, too.”

Felix’s face gets adorably redder as he reads off the items on the list. You look over and notice Chan is trying to cover the outline of his half-hard dick in his sweatpants with a slice of pizza.

When Felix is done, Chan asks him another question which makes Felix choke on his own spit.

“What do you like to be called?”

After taking a moment to collect himself, Felix speaks up.

“Uh, I didn’t write that down.”

“That’s okay. If you remember later, just tell me.”

“Okay. Well, uh, Lixie and Lix are always good. And uh, baby boy, or any variant of that, really. And, uh…”

Felix murmurs the end of his sentence and although you already know what he said, you still lift his chin up with your hand and guide his gaze towards Chan’s

“Go ahead, Lixie. Tell him your favorite pet name.”

Felix looks away, and in a very small voice, says,

“Kitten.”

Chan’s eyes visibly darken and he shifts in his seat, clearly trying to restrain himself until the conversation is over. You smile contentedly, and decide to continue the conversation yourself in fear of Felix becoming impossibly more flustered.

Eventually, the conversation comes to a close, and the three of you stand up to head to your bedroom, Chan grabbing his bag which Felix didn’t notice until now. His eyes widen and he grabs your hand, squeezing hard. You squeeze back to offer him some reassurance as the three of you slip into the bedroom.

Turning Felix around to face you and taking both of his hands in yours, you press a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Are you still nervous, baby?”

Felix nods and looks away again.

“You know we can stop any time if it gets too much for you, right?”

He nods again.

“I want to do this. I’ve just never done this before.”

“That’s okay, Lixie, just try to relax, okay?”

He nods and you let go of his hands, turning towards Chan.

“Is everyone good with using the traffic light system?”

The both of them nod.

“What is everyone’s color?”

Everyone says green.

“Alright. Lixie, why don’t you sit on the bed for me?”

Felix, ever obedient, sits with his hands in his lap, fingers nervously picking at the sleeves of his hoodie. You approach him carefully and take his face in your hands, leaning down to kiss him gently. He immediately reciprocates, falling into the comfortable rhythm that the two of you share. Chan watches from the sidelines until you pull away, beckoning him with a small tilt of your head. He pads over softly until he’s standing in front of Felix, running his hand through the younger boy’s hair. Felix tentatively places his small hands on Chan’s waist, and the older smiles before leaning in slowly to kiss him. It starts out slow and sweet, but soon Felix is grasping at the fabric of Chan’s shirt, letting out tiny whimpers into his mouth. It’s adorable, watching Felix fall apart like this.

You decide to sit behind Felix on the bed, wrapping your arms around him for a quick hug before dipping your hands under the hem of his shirt, letting them explore the skin there. Felix whines at the unexpected touch but keens into it, prompting Chan to pull back and pull Felix’s shirt off.

He’s flustered at first, covering his chest with his hands, until you pull them away and start brushing your fingertips over his pert nipples. He lets out a long, drawn-out whine, arching into your touch.

“Does my pretty boy like having his nipples played with?” Chan asks, smirking down at Felix. He nods frantically as you increase your speed, causing him to squirm even more in your hold. Chan hums appreciatively before motioning for the two of you to scoot back on the bed, and when you do, he settles in between Felix’s legs and starts to mouth at his cock through the younger’s jeans. Felix cants his hips up into Chan, but the older is having none of it and pushes his hips down violently, coaxing a gasp out of him.

“Stay still.”

Chan unbuttons Felix’s jeans and and pulls them down, along with his underwear, agonizingly slow, relishing in the younger’s sigh of relief. He’s already fully hard, and it must hurt.

“This worked up already?”

Felix nods frantically, just trying to get Chan to get on with it. Chan walks away, and retrieves a pair of pink leather cuffs from his bag.

“I’m told you look pretty in pink.”

When Felix stays silent, you lean up from where you’ve been sucking gently on Felix’s neck to murmur in his ear.

“Is that true, Lix? Tell him.”

“Y-yes, I look pretty in pink.”

Chan nods approvingly as he snaps the cuffs around Felix’s wrists, securing them behind his back. He assumes his position between Felix’s legs again, hands wrapping around his now bare thighs, shocked to find that his hands are big enough to wrap around almost halfway. He can feel his dick twitch at the thought of being so big that he can literally split Felix in half.

When Chan wraps his lips around Felix’s tip, he can tell the sub is using all of his self-control not to fuck up into his mouth. However, nearly as soon as he starts, Chan pulls off, leaving Felix whining for more.

“Tsk. Be patient, kitten.”

Chan’s ego swells when he sees Felix’s dick jump at the pet name. He looks towards you, where you’re still kissing all over Felix’s neck and shoulders, running your hands up and down his sides, and lifts your chin up, giving you a quick kiss.

“What do you think about helping out our y/n? They deserve it for introducing us, don’t you think?”

Felix nods, but tugs at the cuffs restraining his arms. He wants so badly to touch, but he knows Chan won’t let him.

“Go ahead, then. I’ll get you started, yeah?”

Felix can only nod as he watches Chan undress you to your underwear, rubbing his fingers lightly over your slit and reveling in the low groan you let out, completely opposite to Felix’s whining.

“Alright, go ahead, baby boy.”

Felix looks at Chan, confused. How was he supposed to get your underwear off if he couldn’t use his hands? Chan just shrugs and sits back on his heels, undressing himself and palming himself through his underwear as he watches.

Felix tries to be sexy and pull your panties down with his teeth, but he can only get them down an inch or so before he gives up. He eventually settles for just mouthing at your clit over your underwear, but it’s still not enough. He switches between your clit and nipples before just giving up for the second time and sitting back, looking at his knees dejectedly. Chan sighs before moving Felix aside and huffing in fake disappointment, pulling down your panties and unhooking your bra with his hands.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Felix whines, but he yelps when Chan delivers a harsh slap to his thigh. 

“No talking back.”

Felix sighs and huffs out a “fine” before leaning against you, signaling that he wants you to touch him.

“Poor Lixie. That must hurt, huh?” You gesture towards his cock, angry red and straining against his stomach. He nods and you hum, reaching out a hand to stroke him slowly.

“You remember what Chan said, baby boy?”

Felix nods.

“Yeah? What did he say?”

“Stay still.”

You hum approvingly and continue to stroke Felix lightly, squeezing involuntarily as Chan’s lips wrap around your clit and suck. You try your best to keep going as Chan licks up your slit, making lewd slurping noises that cause Felix to thrust up into your hand. He doesn’t process that he did until he feels another slap on his opposite thigh and your hand move away from his cock. He whimpers to try and get your attention, but both of your hands are tugging at Chan’s hair, and all Felix can do is watch.

Eventually, Felix’s helpless whines catch Chan’s attention and he grabs a pillow from the head of the bed, tossing it in Felix’s direction.

“You want relief that badly, huh? Be patient for us, kitten. For now, hump that. I’m busy. And don’t you dare cum until I tell you to.”

Felix whines but complies, situating the pillow between his legs and rutting into it as he watches Chan eat you out.

Meanwhile, your eyes are screwed shut as Chan picks up speed, letting out loud moans that only make Felix more desperate for you. You can feel your first orgasm quickly approaching, and you make sure to let Chan know. He just hums against you and sticks two fingers inside of you, making you nearly scream in pleasure. Your grip on his hair grows ever tighter as you beg him to let you cum. He pulls away just slightly to give you permission, and almost on command, you’re cumming all over his fingers and tongue. Chan just laps it up eagerly and shifts his gaze to focus on Felix, who’s rutting into the pillow faster and faster.

Chan lifts Felix’s chin up and kisses him hard, almost toppling the poor boy over with the force of the kiss. He slows down, and eventually comes to a stop, panting as tears line his eyes, threatening to fall from how desperate he is to be touched again.

“Come here, baby boy. You were so good.” Chan unclasps the cuffs and Felix takes a moment to stretch his wrists. Chan kisses the spots where Felix tugged too hard and left red marks, causing the younger to look away and blush.

As Chan is leaning Felix back on the bed, kissing down his body, an idea pops into the sub’s head.

“Hey, Chan, uh…”

“Yes, Lixie?”

“I was wondering if, uh.”

Chan cocks his head and rubs his thumb over Felix’s cheekbone as he waits for him to finish his sentence.

“Yes?”

“Uh, if it’s okay with you, I want you to fuck me.”

A short silence passes before Felix covers his face with his hands, trying desperately to backtrack.

“I mean, it’s okay if not! I know some people aren’t really into that, and, uh, it was just a suggestion, but if not-”

Chan silences Felix with a kiss.

“Sweet boy, all you had to do was ask.”

Felix sighs in relief.

“Y/N, why don’t you help prep our kitten?”

You nod and reach towards the bedside table where the lube and condoms are kept.

“Lix, is it okay if I fuck your mouth?”

Felix sputters out an overenthusiastic ‘yes,’ bringing his hands towards Chan’s thick thighs. The older just laughs and discards his boxers before situating himself on Felix’s chest, the sub’s mouth watering at the sight of Chan.

Chan has just started pushing gently into Felix’s mouth when you put your first finger in, slicked up thoroughly with lube. He moans louder than you’ve heard him all night when it’s fully situated, at which Chan groans and pushes in further. You can’t see what’s happening, but the sounds give you a clear enough picture, sloppy and wet and absolutely filthy. When you tease a second finger at Felix’s hole, he groans, causing Chan to buck forward into his mouth.

When Chan sets a steady pace, you push a second finger in, and then a third. You don’t purposefully aim for Felix’s prostate, but you must have hit it because a moan even louder than the ones before it reaches your ears and a gush of precum dribbles out of Felix’s slit. You decide to treat him and wrap your lips around his tip as you stretch your fingers out inside him. Chan just keeps fucking into Felix’s mouth faster and faster, and you can tell he’s getting close, but he pulls out right before he cums, much to Felix’s dismay.

Chan gets off of Felix’s chest and rolls on a condom as you decide he’s stretched out enough.

“Ready, kitten?”

Felix nods, whining desperately. There are tears tracks drying on his face, which must have been from Chan fucking his mouth just moments before.

At first, you just want to sit aside and watch as Chan takes your pretty kitty apart. You do for a bit, reveling in the way that Chan throws his head back as he tries not to cum right away from Felix’s tightness, or the way Felix bites on his knuckles and arches his back as Chan pushes into him. However, once Chan is fully settled inside Felix, resting a comforting hand on the smaller boy’s inner thigh, you have a better idea. Crawling towards the two of them, you give Felix a soft kiss before setting yourself over him, dripping heat right above his mouth. You’re facing Chan and he gives you a look, but when you say in a low voice that face sitting is Felix’s favorite, he nods.

You can feel puffs of air on your cunt as Felix tells Chan to start moving. Then, you lower yourself onto Felix and when his tongue starts circling and gently biting at your slit, you throw your head back in pleasure. Chan grabs the back of your neck and tugs you in for a kiss, and it’s more of an exchange of spit and clashing teeth than a kiss but it works.

Chan starts fucking faster into Felix and the younger lets out a loud, high-pitched moan, his mouth leaving your cunt as he lolls his head back onto the pillow. You reach behind you and grab his hair, pushing his face up into your slit rather forcefully. His licks and sucks get more frantic as Chan thrusts even faster, and he lets out moans into you, wrapping his arms around your thighs for purchase.

You can feel your second orgasm of the night coming on.

“Can you keep holding on for me a bit longer, baby? I’m close too.”

Felix moans frantically, freely fucking himself back onto Chan, nearly screaming when Chan holds his hips up to more easily hit his prostate and wraps a hand around his dick. Chan hammers that spot over and over, Felix letting out helpless moans and screams as he approaches his high. Chan can tell that he’s close, but he knows Felix won’t be able to ask him for permission to cum in his fucked-out state.

“You can cum, Lix. Go ahead and let go for us.”

With a strangled scream, Felix cums hard onto his own stomach. Chan follows soon after, letting out a low, loud groan as he rides out his high inside Felix. You reach a hand down to your clit to finish yourself off, body convulsing as you fall over onto Chan. He pulls you against his chest as he stills inside Felix, the three of you breathing heavily. When you get off of Felix, you notice that he’s fully crying.

“Lixie, are you okay?”

Felix just groans, staring at the ceiling with blank eyes. Chan pulls out and discards the condom as you pull Felix’s head into your lap and stroke his hair. His entire body is limp.

Chan once again returns to his bag and pulls out a big fluffy blanket sporting a paw print pattern and a few extra pairs of clothes. He drapes the blanket over Felix, tucking it in around the sides and brushing some stray, sweaty strands of hair from the younger’s forehead.

Felix’s eyes flutter shut, and you lean into Chan, exhausted.

“That was… really good,” you say groggily.

Chan just nods, putting an arm around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head tenderly. You busy yourself with threading your fingers through Felix’s hair and trying to get all the knots out. Chan reaches over for the clothes and tugs a shirt over his head, wiggling his legs through some sweatpants. The two of you work together to wipe Felix down and dress him in a similar outfit, before you pull on a sweater and a pair of sweatpants identical to the ones that Chan is wearing.

After a bit of maneuvering, you’re sandwiched in between the still asleep Felix and a very, very, tired Chan.

“Do you want to do this again sometime?”

You laugh hoarsely and nod. “We’ll have to ask Felix when he wakes up.”

“Oh, I’m sure he won’t be opposed.”

You hum, and Chan wraps his arms around you even tighter then they were before, pulling you closer to his chest.

“Pancakes and bacon when we wake up?”

“Absolutely.”

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 26

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 3.7k

; Synopsis:  You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Thank you for reading this :) I hope you’re all enjoying it still. Please reblog so others can read and let me know your thoughts in some feedback! :D I’m always happy to hear them and I’m a little worried that you might all be getting bored or something :( <3

; Flower Masterpost

-

You’d be more surprised about the fact that it was just after eleven in the morning and Hoseok still wasn’t awake; if you didn’t have the memory of how drunk he’d been in the early hours. It had been amusing to wake up and see him still completely fast asleep next to you. 

He hadn’t even shifted position throughout the night, still laid exactly as he had been when he’d passed out. Before leaving him alone, you’d had to push him onto his other side to try to reduce the chances of him waking up with an unfortunate strain somewhere. Because that’s what happened when you were an adult. Sleeping gave you injuries sometimes, and you’d rather he didn’t wake up with more pain than he was already going to have.

Being an adult is fun.

Your concern for his health hadn’t stopped you from cooing softly at how cute he looked sleeping though. His face looked almost innocent when completely relaxed, a sight you didn’t often get to see given he got up and went to bed before you. The stomach-clenching sweetness wasn’t helped by the fact your heavily tattooed and pierced boyfriend was juxtaposed against the white bedding with tiny, cartoon ice-creams in multiple colours all over it. 

Honestly, it’s no surprise you’d had to snap a picture to show him when he woke up.

The sound of shifting and a slight creak from your bed through the open door of your bedroom distracts you away from your book. Looking up and at the doorway, your gaze narrows as you wonder if he’s just finally moving around or if he’s waking. But then you hear the quiet groan of someone who’s suffering and have to stifle a laugh. Placing a bookmark between the pages and putting it onto the coffee table, you go and fill a glass up of fresh, cold water for him and pop some painkillers.

Walking in, you’re greeted with the sight of Hoseok on his back. He doesn’t particularly look grateful to be awake, with one tattooed arm covering his eyes and the other rubbing at his head while he lets out the tiniest groan. Smiling to yourself, you place the glass onto the bedside table and nudge his arm softly.

“Hey, sleeping beauty. How’re you feeling?” There might be just the smallest hint of teasing in your voice and you’re thankful Hoseok has never really shown much of a temper before. Because given how rough he must be feeling, he could easily snap at you.

“Like I got run over by Satan’s truck and then he reversed back just for good measure. With an added dose of Jason Voorhees stabbing my brain through my eyeballs.” He grumbles, voice hoarse with sleep and you can’t stop the laugh that slips from your lips without meaning it. 

Sitting next to him on the bed, you gently tug his arm down until you get to see his face properly. The usual puffiness of sleep is there, only this time it’s combined with red eyes that are slightly bloodshot and what looks to be an unhealthy pallor to his skin. No surprise, given how much alcohol he’d ingested last night. His liver would not be thanking him today. Nor was his head probably.

“Those are some very specific descriptions.” Hoseok sits up slowly and takes a huge gulp of the water that you hand him before taking the painkillers with a soft thanks. They go down equally quickly and he’s finished the whole glass before you can even blink.

“Yeah, well. It’s true. Also, I need to pee so fucking bad. Holy shit.” He mumbles, scrambling out of bed once you take the glass from him. Snorting at how quickly he exits the bedroom, you go out to refill the glass and grab a dark chocolate and orange breakfast bar. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, you wait for him to finish his business and come back.

Which he does after five minutes. The tired kiss he presses to your lips tells you he’s taken the time to brush his teeth too so he’s probably feeling slightly more human at the moment. Handing him your hangover goodies, he drinks half the glass before chewing half-heartedly on the bar, pulling a face as the flavour clashes with the mint of his toothpaste before his gaze goes vacant while he looks down at the bedspread.

“Did you clean me or something before bed? I smell really good to say I’m this hungover. I don’t even feel gross. I mean...physically at least. Mentally, I feel like every sewer level in a horror game. Gross, annoying and entirely unnecessary but inevitable,” He’s rambling a little now and you frown, tilting your head at him. “God, I can’t remember the last time I was this hungover. Or maybe I’m still drunk, I’m not quite sure.” 

Rolling your eyes, you plump your pillows up and lean back as you watch him eat methodically. Hoseok isn’t exactly doing it fast but you get the impression that he’s got a severe headache going on and is trying to reduce aggravating it. You want to coo at him but feel it’s not the time to be doing that.

“No, that was you. You were adamant you wanted a shower and your teeth cleaned when we got back. I had to make sure you didn’t drown yourself because you got it into your head to drink the shower water and then had to brush your teeth for you because you have a bad gag reflex and kept stabbing yourself in the throat.” Hoseok winces at that, his hand coming to the said throat as he rubs it.

“That explains that then,” He mutters before looking at you a little bashful, his cheeks a tiny bit pink. “Sorry. I completely forgot that I became some weird clean freak when wrecked. There are worse things I could be though.” 

Nodding with a wry smile, you acknowledge his statement while he finishes eating before handing you the glass and empty wrapper. Placing them both on the bedside table, you go to move away when he suddenly lays back down. On his side of the bed this time.

You’re prevented from moving when he cuddles up to you, his arm wrapping around your waist tightly to pull you down while he rests his head on your chest with a heavy sigh. Hoseok doesn’t weigh too much, but he’s not exactly light either. No complaint leaves you though, not when you enjoy the feel of him pressed against you so much.

“I like your boobs. They’re soft.” He mutters and you can’t help but laugh, accidentally jerking his head as your chest moves violently but he doesn’t complain except for a soft noise that leaves him. Carding your fingers through his hair, you twist your lips in amusement as you wonder if he is a tiny bit drunk still.

“Thanks, I grew them myself.” Now he’s the one chuckling, leaving a kiss on your collarbone before sighing deeply. His weight seems to double as he relaxes against you but again, you don’t complain at him. Not yet anyway. You probably would in five minutes when he gets hot enough to feel like you’ve stepped into Mt. Doom.

“There’s some pictures of last night if you wanna see.” You tell him quietly, enjoying just cuddling with him as you play with the soft strands of his hair. He doesn’t respond for a moment and you wonder if he’s fallen asleep before he hums, shifting until his head is on your shoulder so he can see your phone. You’d brought it in with you and it had been on the bedside table until now, so you grab it and unlock it.

Clicking through Facebook, you show him some of the statuses that both his and your friends had made throughout the night along with the photos that had accompanied them. There was a particularly delightful photo that must have been taken after you’d left, of Jimin vomiting outside the bar while Yoongi and Jungkook pointed and laughed.

The two of you chuckle as you go through the photos, getting to see the night live out once more in visual form and Hoseok makes a few comments here and there. Chungha’s pictures went from relatively sweet selfies of her to selfies with Soyeon, Dahyun and you to what can only be described as drunken blurs. You’re pretty sure one of them is her making out with her girlfriend but you can’t quite tell.

What you can tell is Soyeon kissing Jungkook in the booth in the background of one of Taehyung’s photos. You point at it excitedly to Hoseok as you tell him that they must have got drunk enough to let their inhibitions go after you’d both left. Neither of them had responded to your excited texts yet though, causing him to laugh when you pout at not being able to find out if your matchmaking was truly successful.

“It seems like it was a good night. Not that I can remember anything.” Hoseok mumbles, his lips pursing in a cute pout and you gently tap them. You’ve migrated from looking at Facebook to Instagram, where the pictures are a little bit classier and more put together. No one wants to look bad on Instagram after all.

“I took some photos of us too, and Soyeon sent over some she’d taken.” There had been plenty of Hoseok on Facebook, all in various stages of him getting drunk until you could practically smell the alcohol on him through the screen. Not so many of you though, given that you’d purposefully avoided the camera throughout the night.

Though Soyeon had managed to capture one or two pictures of the two of you together from earlier in the night. Flicking through to your gallery, you let him see the photos as you scroll through them.

“I haven’t put them anywhere yet. Wanted to see what you thought.” Hoseok takes your phone from you, shifting slightly in bed to be more comfortable and scrolls back to one Soyeon had taken. Neither of you has drinks in your hands, nor are you even looking at the camera. 

Your arms are around his waist, front pressed to his side while his arm is wrapped around your shoulders. It’s almost sickening how much love and affection is painted onto your face as you smile up at him, your eyes softer than you’ve ever seen before. Anyone looking at this would easily be able to see how grossly in love you were with him.

But what made you love this photo was the fact that Hoseok was looking back at you with an equally disgusting amount of emotion. His smile was broad and genuine while his eyes were firmly focused on you. It was perhaps one of your favourite photos ever already and you weren’t surprised that Hoseok had focused on that.

“This one. We’re putting this one up.” He mutters quietly, already going to your Instagram before looking up at you with a questioning glance. Nodding your approval to him, he plays around with the custom filter settings until he has it looking exactly like he wants before posting it and sharing it to Facebook as well.

Before he gives your phone back, he scrolls through to another photo that you’d taken. It was a bit later in the night with Hoseok a little more drunk than he had been, but you kind of liked it too. A selfie this time, with your faces taking up the screen but your smile is so big as you laugh, eyes scrunched closed while Hoseok squishes a kiss against your cheek.

“I want this one,” With that, he sends it to himself before giving your phone back to you with a smile.  “Looks like I had a very good night. Wish I could remember it but...whatever. Did you enjoy it?”

Pausing, you place your phone back onto the table before wriggling down the bed to get more comfortable. You think hard on his question, contemplating whether you’d truly enjoyed yourself last night. Going to bars and parties were your least favourite thing to do and he was well aware of that. Combined with drinking, it was perhaps your worst-case scenario.

“I didn’t exactly enjoy it but...it was kind of fun. Nice to see everyone and talk to them. Funny to watch them getting drunk. Most of all, I liked watching you enjoy yourself. I’m glad that you got to have fun and do what you love with your friends for your birthday. I know that I don’t like drinking or going out but I never want to be like...an anchor holding you back, you know? So yeah, I enjoyed it more than I’d expected to.” Perhaps that was a little more honest than other people would be, but you didn’t see any point in lying to him.

He knew what you liked and didn’t like by now, you’d been dating almost a year after all. On top of that, Hoseok had been concerned that you wouldn’t enjoy yourself and would make yourself unhappy just to satisfy his want to get drunk with his friends. So you hoped him hearing that you’d enjoyed yourself more than either of you had anticipated would relieve his worries.

“Good. I mean, not good that you didn’t fully enjoy it but I think we both knew you were never going to really. I’m glad you came with me though. Means a lot to me.” He smiles at you, his expression bright despite the tiredness etched into his face.

“That’s why I did it. It was your day and I wanted to make you happy.” Your words are soft and gentle, more than a hint of shyness threaded through them. Would you ever truly get used to telling him emotional things like this?

You hoped so because he was always so comfortable showing his love and affection for you. But at the same time, that was just his love language. Yours was different, and you knew he appreciated that too.

“Well, you did. So thank you. And thank you for my presents, I love them. Do you mind if I set up the vinyl player here? Given I spend the most time here?” His question is innocent and you can sense there’s no expectation on you. You’d have to give up something to let him have space for it, but you know that if you told him no that he’d accept it without complaint.

But that led you to something you’d been contemplating for a while now. Perhaps much quicker than anyone would have thought you’d have started to think about this topic given how long it took you to admit your love to him or even just have sex. This was a much bigger life change, something that would affect both of you drastically and have the potential to truly make or break your relationship.

And yet you’d been unable to not think about it. Perhaps most surprisingly, you actively wanted what you were going to suggest.

“I mean...well, yes. I’m okay with it but, well I was thinking… M-m-maybe, I mean...do you want to...what do you think a-a-about-” You’ve devolved into the kind of nervous and awkward mess you’d been when you first met him and you know he’s both confused and worried. His head tilts up to look at you, brows furrowed together in confusion as to why you’re suddenly getting like this over a vinyl player.

“Baby? What’s wrong? Just say it. Whatever you’re thinking, just say it. I’m not gonna laugh or tease you. I mean...unless it’s funny and then I can’t be responsible for my actions.” Hoseok laments, his face scrunching as he realises he can’t be completely honest. It makes you smile though as he’s being truthful and you push at him till he’s moving off you.

Sitting up, you play with your hands as you stare at them, licking your lips nervously.

“Do you want to move in? I mean...or at least, move in together? T-t-this place probably isn’t big enough f-f-for us both to live here with y-y-your stuff but yeah. I’d like it, I think. I mean, I would. And you basically live here anyway. T-then you don’t have to pay full rent and stuff and we can share bills so i-i-it’d be better for us both, yeah? Unless...unless you don’t want to live with me. Then it’s okay. W-we can-” He cuts you off with his hand against your mouth, his eyes dancing in amusement despite how tired they look.

“Sweetheart, please let me respond before you talk yourself out of it, okay? You want us to move in together, correct?” Nodding slowly, you take a moment to glance over at him and see what his expression looks like. Whether he looks agreeable or not.

Hoseok has a carefully blank face at the moment and you swallow thickly, wondering if he’s going to reject you. It’s fine if he does, honestly. Some people don’t like living together properly. Having his own place means that he can escape from you if he’s had enough or something. You knew that you were a lot to deal with sometimes.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured into it or anything. I’m fine as it is now if you want to keep it like this. I know you like your own space after a while and I don’t want to intrude into it. Plus, this apartment is your home and it’s your safe space. I don’t want you to uproot yourself just because you think you should be doing it or anything.” He makes perfectly logical points and your heart expands with love for him at his acknowledgement of something that had been a concern for you.

You didn’t handle change well and while you were excited at the prospect of moving in with Hoseok, the knowledge that it would completely upend your life for a short while was terrifying. This apartment had taken a long time to get feeling like a home, to somewhere that you love and feel like you can recharge in.

It would take time to make whatever new place you get with him to feel like home too. And you wouldn’t be able to escape him by just going home or anything. He would be there all the time. You knew it also came with the added complication of entangling you both even more, making your lives and your hearts even harder to separate.

But you couldn’t stay coddled forever.

“I might struggle with it a bit at first but...I want to. I love being with you and you make me happy. I hate when you go home and I’m alone again, it’s harder to sleep without you here. You might not want it though but...I just thought I’d bring it up. We can talk about it more in-depth to make sure we’re on the same wavelength but...yeah. I don’t know if this is too early or too late in a relationship or anything, I just want to be with you.” You’re mumbling the words now, firmly looking away from his gaze which has softened progressively as you’d talked. They probably didn’t even make sense.

“No, no, don’t worry about it. There’s no such thing as the right time, just when we feel it’s right. But...I’d like it. I’ve been thinking about it too, I won’t lie. I always feel bad that I don’t pay anything here even though I spend so much time here but then my rent is more than yours anyway. I agree about finding somewhere new, a little bigger to cope with both of us. And give us somewhere to escape to when we’re annoying each other or something.” Now he’s the one looking away from you, rubbing at his jaw thoughtfully as he thinks.

The smile that begins on your face soon expands rapidly into a giant grin, excitement flooding through your veins along with a mixture of nerves, making it hard for you to stay still. He wanted to move in together! Live together, you were going to live together. Like have your names on a rental agreement and have mail addressed to both of you. 

“Oh, and we need to make sure it’s pet friendly for Kasumi.” Hoseok is still talking and you realise he’s been listing what you both should look for in a place. It seems that Hoseok wants to try and find an apartment if possible but he’d prefer a small house given the two of you both have a car. Understandable, given parking in the city was a pain.

There were many occasions when Hoseok had to park a few streets away as the apartment building parking lot was full. 

The thought of having a small home with him was even more exciting and you let out a small squeal of happiness. It’s only when Hoseok looks at you with wide eyes, shocked but also amused, that you realise what you’ve done and you look away from him, trying to ignore how you’ve gone hot with embarrassment.

“Oh, that was cute. Definitely cute. Yes, let’s do it. Let’s move in together.” Now he’s the one grinning and you can’t stop yourself from wrapping your arms around him, swaying him as much as you can while sitting on the bed. He lets you with a laugh before groaning as the movement makes his hangover worse.

“Just as long as you don’t decide to show me your helicopter dick every time you get drunk.” You say cheerfully, climbing out of bed to go make some lunch for you both. Already you’re decorating the new place in your mind, planning the perfect combination between you both and deciding what you want to keep from your place and his.

“I’m sorry, my what?”

[harrysgloves]

Let Your Hair Down (chapter xix)

Get caught up with the Let Your Hair Down Masterlist!

word count: 1,524

story summary: Harry gets more than he bargains for when he falls not only for you but your little girl as well.

chapter summary: Time for ice cream and an important talk.

warnings: Language/fluffy things

a/n: I needed cuteness before the shit show starts. xx

>>><<<

When your tired puffy eyes finally opened again from your nap the first thing you saw were those soft green eyes staring at you.

"Is this the part where you murder me?" You smiled, thinking back to the time you had been caught staring at him in his sleep. Throwing his own words back at him, making his beautiful wide dimple smile come slowly across his face.

"Shut up." He laughed pulling you into him, kissing you so softly it melted your heart. Any fear you had of things being awkward between you two fading from your mind.

He was acting so normal. Like you hadn't just told a secret you'd been holding onto for close to 6 years. It made the fact you confided in him so much easier.

"Ice cream?" He asked when he pulled back from the kiss making you smile and nod. He jumped out of bed, grabbing his phone and putting it in his pants pocket when you rolled over stretching out your arms and legs. Taking your time getting out of bed.

"Didn't you come here to actually work?" You asked, laying on your stomach, hands under the pillow on his side of the bed.

"Wanna spend time with you and Thea." He walked around the room, looking for his wallet that he somehow always managed to misplace. You rolled your eyes burying your head into his pillow, knowing it was going to take a while before he was ready to go.

"Come on." He whined impatient that you were already taking so long to get up.

"Maybe I'll just stay here. You and Thea can get ice cream." You said into the pillow the words muffled by all the feather and foam.

You weren't expecting the harsh smack on your ass. Making you jump before rolling around to glare at the now smiling Harry. His tongue coming out to lick his bottom lip before biting it with those perfect teeth.

"What the fuck?" You glared harder. The smug smile on him growing bigger by the second.

"Thought y'liked being spanked, darlin'." He shrugged, looking oh so innocent. You reached behind you gripping onto the pillow behind your head and chucking it at his stupid face.

"Gonna show you like being spanked." You mumbled getting out of the bed with a huff. Walking over to Harry who was now holding onto the pillow you threw at him. Smiling down at you, holding in his laughter at your annoyed face.

You started to reach around to get him back but he blocked your hand with his pillow. His lips rolling in mouth when you looked back up at him.

"Ya didn't think I was going to let you get me, did ya?"

"You have to turn around at some point, Harold." You narrowed your eyes at him before turning around to go get clothes out of the closet. His hand smacking your bum again.

"Harry!" You shrieked turning around, slapping away his hand.

"Y'make it too easy, love." He said through laughs.

By the time you and Harry made it out of your hotel room you both were walking sideways facing each other. Not trusting the other one even for a second.

You had to pick out your outfit facing away from the closet. The shirt you eventually pulled out definitely wasn't your first choice but it would have to work since Harry refused to leave the room to let you turn around to actually face the closet to see what you were grabbing at. He smiled the whole time, taunting you to turn around, telling you he wouldn't do it again but you weren't falling for his tricks.

So now you two looked like a bunch of idiots, stumbling through the hotel hallways. Your asses pressed against opposite walls. Your eyes narrowing at him when you approached Mitch and Sarah's door.

"Go ahead and knock." You smiled brightly at him, waiting anxiously for him to turn around.

"Not fallin' fo' that." He shook his head making you huff.

"Well, I'm not knocking."

"Guess we're waitin' 'ere then." He shrugged, smug smile firmly in place as he leaned against the wall. His eyes studying the hallway ceiling, hands tapping on the wall.

You sighed, shaking your head, moving towards the door but quickly going back to the safety of your wall when he pushed off his own wall.

Luckily, the door to Mitch and Sarah's room swung open. Sarah standing there giving you both a weird look. Her eyebrows raised as she judged you two for being so weird.

"Is this a weird sex thing?" She asked, making you both laugh.

"No way." You shook your head but Harry looked at you, raising his one eyebrow, that annoying knowing look on his face.

Thea ran from inside Mitch and Sarah's room out to the hallway. Hugging your waist tightly. Your hand running through her hair as you hugged her back.

"Missed you." She said before running over to give Harry his own hug. He smiled softly bending down to hug her back. Picking her up when he stood back up.

"Wanna get ice cream?" He asked and she immediately shook her head yes. Her addiction to sugar was a little too out of control, you could see the excitement in her eyes at being able to have a treat you hardly ever gave her.

The three of you walked down the street toward the ice cream shop that was around the corner from your hotel. Thea in the middle of you two holding onto both your hands.

"Can we do the swing?" She asked, shaking both your guys hands back and forth.

Harry nodded before counting down. You both lifting her up on the count of three and her jumping in the air to swing by her hands in between you two. Her smiling, laughing giggle made your own smile come across your face as you looked to Harry. He always looked so happy around you two that it seemed unreal. His smile was always wide and his eyes were always the brightest you'd ever seen.

He fit so perfectly into both of your lives. Made you both so happy.

You and Thea both got a very unhealthy amount of ice cream. Her's plain chocolate and your's strawberry. Harry decided to be a party pooper and get shaved ice which looked disappointing and gross but you didn't judge him too harshly.

The three of you sitting out in the sun as you ate your food. The sun warming your skin as you basically inhaled your ice cream. Harry smiling at you and Thea each taking a taste of the other flavors.

"Harry?" Thea got his attention once you had gotten all the ice cream off her face with a napkin.

"Yes sunshine?" He smiled, looking over towards her but you could tell whatever she was going to ask made her slightly uncomfortable. She shifted around in her seat looking like she was debating if she should ask what she wanted to or not.

"Can you be my new daddy?" Her question made your breath catch in your throat. Your eyes wide at the fact she had actually asked that. His face falling before looking over to you to answer her, swallowing thickly, not knowing at all what to say as his response.

"Baby, you have a daddy." You said from beside her. Your hand reaching out and resting overtop of her but she pushed it away. Her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the table.

"But he's mean." She sighed out. Breaking your heart. You knew she had probably caught on to more than she ever let on. Most kids usually did but you tried your hardest to save all the fighting until she was in bed.

Now you were wondering how many nights she was awake listening to the screaming matches going on in your living room while she was too scared to come out of her room.

"Sweetheart." Harry finally breaking the silence taking Thea's small hands in his, grabbing both your attentions. He smiled softly at her, brushing her hair out of her face.

"I can't be yer daddy 'cause y'already have one but I can be yer Harry and I promise that's better."

Thea contemplated what he said while you tried your best to not cry from how sweet he was being. You bit your lip as you looked at them both. Your heart swelling with so many feelings but mostly just one.

How much you loved him.

"Okay. You can be my Harry." Thea said, finally, making him smile as she went back to eating her ice cream so happily like she didn't just ask a huge question.

His eyes finally moving back across the table to yours. His hand reaching across the table to take yours, squeezing it lightly as you tried to pull yourself together.

You squeezed his hand back as you looked at him. Maybe you couldn't say the words yet but you knew he could tell how you felt when his soft smile came across his face at your actions.

[missnxthingg]

may coming into peters room to ask what he wants for dinner or something and finds reader straddling his lap sleeping on his chest while he’s at his desk doing his homework.. like her reaction + maybe she comes in and asks him a bunch of cute questions about you?🥰

She’s just tired

A/N: Your request was sooooo cute I almost died with the diabetes I got with all of this sugar. Really loved it sooooo much! And I loved writing it. So enjoy as much as I did.

Words: 1,6K

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female Reader

Warnings: If you consider cute a warning.

masterlist

Just please pretend he’s not sad in this gif! I’m going for May’s top of the head kiss only.

Getting May Parker to be home this early wasn’t a very easy task, specially when it was still sundowning. She drove home to open her front door and start to listen a very low and calm song coming from Peter’s bedroom. She smiled, knowing he was probably focused on his studies. The music was a sign that he was too deep in his own stuff. 

He talked about something like having tons of homework this week, and if May really knew her nephew, is that sometimes he forgets to eat just because he’s full of things to do. So she decided to knock on his door to see what he wanted to eat, probably to order it because she was a terrible chef.

“Hey Peter, what do you want for dinner?” May asked, freezing right after she saw her nephew pressing his index finger against his lips, shushing her up. Her eyes went down to Peter. A girl, straddled on his lap, face resting on his chest, eyes shut and arms involving him in a hug. His left hand was stroking her hair, while his right hand was writing something down on his notebook. “What happened to her?”

“She’s just tired May. Her parents were fighting and she didn’t know where to go. And she just fell asleep right here.” He whispered and May nodded, leaning to the door and smiled.

“So this is the famous (Y/N)?” She asked and he nodded with a smirk on his face. “She’s really pretty.”

“She’s so beautiful, inside and out.” May approached him, standing behind him and stroked his hair. He inhaled the good smell of her shampoo on her hair and kissed the top of her head. “My beautiful girl.”

“Do you like her?”

“I think I love her May.” He giggled and dropped his pen over the book. “She makes me feel like no one has ever made me feel before. Happy, special, loved, but in a very singular way.”

“That’s cute.” She smiled, sitting on the edge of his bed. His eyes were locked on her and his other hand met her back. He softly rocked her, and she snored, deep into her sleep.

“She takes care of me, like… she always texts to see if I already got home safely from patrol, and if I have a problem, she’s always there to help me.” He squeezed her and she relaxed even more in his arms. She sighed, making his smile go widder. “Sometimes she does this thing where she draws constellations on my freckles with her fingers, and I kept staring at her thinking how lucky I am to have such a special girl in my life.”

“You know Pete, the last time I saw someone like this, head over heels about a girl, his name was Ben Parker. And well, I married him.” She caressed her nephews cheek, squinting her eyes. “Sometimes I think that you look so much like your uncle, more than your dad.”

“Really?” His eyes shined when he glanced back to his aunt, watching she nodding her head yes.

“Maybe not in appearance, but the way you act…” She sighed, remember her old love. “ He used to hold me like that too, when we were younger. And if I was ever sad, he simply knew how to make me feel better.”

“I really miss him.” Peter felt down for a while, but he usually loves to hear stories about his uncle.

“I miss him too. So much Peter.” She let a tear fall from her face, but she wiped it right away. 

“I’m sorry aunt May.”

“It’s okay sweetie.” She smiled, trying to comfort him. “If she is really that special, you better hold onto her and never let her go. You know that old phrase, ‘If you love her, let her go?’ ” He nodded. “That’s bullshit.”

“Great advice May.” He giggled, shaking his head.

“Now tell me about this girl.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head again.

“Oh, I’ve never told you? We met at the decathlon. And she’s like really, incredibly smart. Still, she asked me to study with her, for physics.”

“Maybe she was just making up with an excuse to spend some more time with you. Like Cady Heron in Mean Girls.”

“It’s so weird to see your own aunt mentioning Mean Girls.” She rolled her eyes. “So I took her to a coffee shop and we spent the day there, and I found out that she’s extremely nice and kind, also very funny. And of course, beautiful. I always thought she was gorgeous, but everything about her makes her beautiful. We became friends since that day.”

“And in what moment did you realise you liked her? Like really liked her.”

“When I asked her out on a date. She blushed so hard, I found it pretty cute, and when she said yes, I think I lost it. But of course I realised that when I kissed her. I took her to the pizza place, and even though it tasted like pepperoni, it was amazing.”

“Gross, but cute.”

“I gave her a necklace when I asked her to be my girlfriend. I’m pretty sure she’s wearing it right now. It’s a key, and I have the locker on my keys.” He pointed the keys over his desk with his head, and May glanced at it, smiling when she saw his keys over the table.

“That’s beautiful Peter.” 

“Today when she came, all sad and red eyes, my heart broke. She looked so tired, and she simply slept right here in like… seconds. She said she hasn’t slept in two days, because her parents keep shouting at each other.” He squeezed her tighter. “I needed to do my homework, but she needed me more. I couldn’t let her go. I love her so much May.”

“I love you too.” She said, almost in a whisper. She looked up and left a peck on his lips.

“I’m sorry to wake you up baby.”

“It wasn’t so bad to wake up to such beautiful words.” She looked like trash, puffy eyes and tired face, but still, she sat straight and face May, giving her the biggest smile she could. “Hi, I’m (Y/N), it’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m May, and it’s really nice to meet you too (Y/N).”

“I’m so sorry to meet you in this situation, wish I looked more presentable to meet the famous aunt May.“ 

“Oh, it’s okay honey. Everytime you need to escape, the doors are always opened for you.”

“Yeah, you’re part of the family now.” She hugged Peter and he pulled May to join the hug.

“Thank you, it means so much to me. Especially in these times that family seems something so distance to me.”

“If there’s one thing I learned after my parents death, is that we make our own family.” He caressed her back and kissed her temple.

“He’s right, you know? I didn’t have kids of my own, but Peter’s my boy.” May smiled and rolled her fingers around his curls. “And you’re my kid too, from this moment beyond.”

“Thank you.” She smiled tenderly and May walked away, stopping at the door.

“So, what do you guys want for dinner?”

“Anything is fine, really.”

“(Y/N) wants chinese. She told me earlier.”

“Peter!”

“Chinese it is!” May winked and (Y/N) blushed.

“Really, there’s no need…”

“I’ve been dying for some spring rolls.” Peter interrupted and May nodded.

“Noted. I’m gonna order right now.” May left the room, and Peter started to laugh at (Y/N)’s face.

“Stop it!”

“You look so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“I was trying to cause a good impression to your aunt.”

“She already loves you.” He kissed her cheek, pressing a long kiss against it. “You know, what she said, it’s very true.”

“What?”

“You’re part of the family now.” He entwined their pinkies and she gave him an eskimo kiss.

“You just don’t know how grateful I am for that.”

“Oh I know. I’m grateful for having you. And I meant what I said before.”

“What?”

“That I love you.” She smiled and caressed his cheek.

“I love you too, very much Peter.” She kissed his, a long and sweet kiss, full of love. “Come on, let’s help May set the table.”

“And you were thinking you’re not causing a good first impression.” He giggled and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re an idiot.”

“You love this idiot.”

“I know.” She entwined their finger and pulled him to the living room.

They helped May set the table, and they spent the whole night talking about every subject there ever was. (Y/N) felt as if she had been part of the family for years now and she was so grateful and relieved for that. She loved Peter and wanted it all to work out just fine. By the end of the night, her dad came to take her home, even though she was avoiding going home.

“I don’t really wanna go, but my daddy calls.” She said and May nodded.

“But you’re welcome to stay anytime.”

“Thank you May, for everything.”

“I want you here having dinner with us every week, okay? I demand you!”

“I swear she won’t cook.” Peter made everyone laugh and May nodded.

“I will be here. Thank you again.”

Peter followed her to outside, and before he opened the building’s front door, he gave her a good night kiss. 

“I wanted to stay. I don’t wanna hear those screams.”

“Call me and I can get you to calm down, okay?” She nodded and he gave a small peck on her lips. “Good night, I love you.”

“Night, I love you too.”

He opened the door and took her to the car, having a brief conversation with her dad before they drove off. She kept looking at the streets with a big smile on her face. For the first time after a long time feeling like she didn’t belong anywhere, she finally felt as if she was part of a family. And right in that moment, that’s was all she needed.

…………………

PART TWO/PREQUEL

…………………

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[latestageyouth]

When you walk away (Nothing more to say)

chapter 11 - Knock Knock Get The Door It’s Depression

trigger warnings: cussing, coffee, a quick mentions of death, mentions of running away from home, mentions of injury (pieces of glass in a hand), some negative self talk, please let me know if i forgot something

summary: Remus finally decides to do something right...kinda

author’s note: Sorry it took so long the planets just weren't aligned right. No, but seriously, I'm really sorry haha, shit was just going on in my life and I got really stressed. Hope people haven't forgotten about this yet :|

Remus knocked on the wooden door again, frustration apparent in the sharp, loud pattern. C'mon answer. He knocked again, his knuckled started to ache. C'mon. C'mon. Come on.

The door opened, revealing a tired man who was clearly perplexed by the sudden visit, partly because he just woke up "Rem? Dude, it's, like..." Nate trailed off and looked at the clock on the wall, "Shit, it's gonna be midnight. What the hell happened to you, kid?"

Remus looked at Nate's baffled face, the concern apparent on his features enough for both of them. He rolled his tired eyes, still slightly puffy from the tears "It's whatever. Will you let me in or not?"

Nate was...unsettled, to say at least. He didn't care what Remus did, for the most part, it's not like he was a big part of his life, but this...this doesn't feel good. Remus wasn't joking now, which meant something seriously bad has happened. Nate learned that the hard way. Besides, Remus' attempts at running away stopped long ago, so it wasn't that, which...actually made it worse now that he thought about it. Nate stepped out of the door frame, a few raindrops falling onto the floor as Remus made his way inside.

The house was significantly warmer than outside, Remus noticed. Still cold, though, maybe that was because he spent an hour or two wandering outside in rain, his clothes felt heavy, probably everything including him was soaked with water. He could hear Nate walk up to him even though the violent beating of the rain, "So, I am assuming you're not here for a slumber party," the older man looked him up and down, making a mental note to ask about Remus' clenched fist later.

Remus scoffed, "Yeah, no shit."

Nate furrowed his eyebrows...no joke? He's not even trying to be sarcastic? Something...someone seriously messed up. He walked over to the kitchen, turning the kettle on, they will both need something to drink, "You want some coffee? Y'know, since otherwise you're probably gonna freeze to death," he tried to lighten the mood, Nate never did that, he was the cool guy, Remus always clowned around. He even made a morbid joke, hoping to at least hear Remus chuckle. Not even a proper response came back, just a hum of what Nate assumed was agreement. He took a jar of coffee from the cupboard. Remus was surprisingly quiet...too quiet. He was never good with serious stuff, no matter how much he tried to be, he thought Remus knew that. Hoped, Remus knew that.

He glanced into the living room where Remus was seated on the couch, a wet spot from all the dripping water forming around him, some from his hair even fell to the ground as he ducked his head further down, "What happened, dude? Was it Elise again?"

Remus tilted his head back, "No," he said with a groan, "You know she died when I was like fifteen," he looked at Nate, "Right?" Nate was never the type to pay attention but damn it, even he should remember that.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, you know how I am with memory."

Remus hummed in response. The same monotone tone he was humming in all the times before. Nate really didn't want to nag Remus about it for the fear of only making whatever was happening worse. Still, he needed to know what was wrong, otherwise he couldn't help him "You still didn't answer my question," Remus looked at him with a sour look on his face, Nate doesn't think he saw that ever since...shivers shot down his spine as he shook his head, that was a long time ago, Nate was reaching, "What happened?" he pressed on, a little uncertain if that was a right thing to do. For fuck's sake, didn't his school have a counselor or something?

Remus looked away, eyes overflowing of doubt. Nate sighed and poured the finished coffee into two mugs. A little spilled on the ground as he made his way to the couch to sit with Remus, though both of them paid no mind to it.

"Have you ever..." Remus started and didn't finish, as if he swallowed his tongue. Nate was sure Remus could come up with a more creative and gross metaphor if he wasn't a shivering cold mess, which Remus never was, until, well, now. Nate started at Remus, finally putting his acting skills to use and making himself look serious and worried. Not that he wasn't, but his default face was more of a resting-bitch face, as Remus always put it. He never was good at expressing himself.

"Did you ever...fuck up? Like, big time? Something that you couldn't fix?" Remus's voice cracked a little bit at the end. He tried to scratch his arms but his overly-bitten nails didn't allow it. Nate made another mental note to ask about that, maybe talk to Natalie about this, suggest getting the kid a therapist.

"I mean, duh. All people fuck up sometimes" he took a sip of his coffee, unsure of what to say. It was painfully obvious he was trying to play it cool while having to idea what to do.

Remus tsked as his body jolted from the cold, then continued, "No, I mean like," he hesitated for a second and thought over the words racing around his mind, "Majorly fuck up. L-like, something really important."

Nate honestly didn't know how to respond to that, but he tried, for once in his life, "Yeah, of course. Everyone has things that they regret, there's no shame in that."

No response. Nate waited a bit longer, hoping the silence would urge Remus to speak up, before sighing heavily - finally something he was good at - and pushing the now lukewarm coffee towards Remus, "C'mon, drink, it'll warm you up."

Remus didn't drink the coffee, instead talking again, which was a relief but it did nothing to ease the knots in Nate's chest, "Let's pretend you fucked up with a really important person. And ruined years of building a friendship. Do you...do you think there would be a chance to save something?"

"Huh, I never really..." he hesitated, "Fucked up that much with a person, I don't..." Nate put down his cup with a huff, trying a more assertive approach, "Look, Rem, you're like 14-"

"17."

"Doesn't matter. Listen. If the friend that you're talking about really is your friend, they will forgive you, people have arguments all the time."

"It wasn't an argument," Remus rolled his eyes, "It's my fault that this happened anyways, and even though I've known him for so long it feels like I don't know him at all and it's weird and I want things to go back to the way they used to be," his vision got blurry, but he didn't let himself cry, he had enough of that. He wasn't sure if the uncomfortable tightness in his chest was from the melancholy heartbreak or the fact that he was running out of breath.

Nate took a sip of his coffee again, it was apparent by now that this was a nervous gesture, but it shouldn't be, he should be confident and reassure Remus, but hell, this was a new level of teenage drama. He took a deep breath, "Sometimes things can't go back. Sometimes it's for the worse, sometimes for the best, but right now you can only focus on what will be and if you'll let this one thing break you."

Once again, uncomfortable silence filled the room. But not for Remus. He felt better, knowing that he wasn't bottling it up inside anymore. At least not all of it. He reached for the surely cold coffee.

A piercing pain surged through him, still clinging in his hand even as the mind-numbing, quick sensation came to an end. Fuck. He forgot. How could he forget? Stupid. Stupid Remus.

"Woah there, the hell is that?" Nate reached towards his arm as soon as he could process what was happening, at which Remus promptly moved further away from him and stood up, backing away from the couch slightly. Nate hesitated, "Remus," a troubled tone sounded the room, "Show me your hand, Remus."

Reluctantly, almost like half of him protested, he did. What good was it gonna do keeping it from him anyway? Nate knotted his eyebrows, "Oh, you clumsy idiot," he huffed at the sight of the tiny pieces of glass scattered around inside the palm, "I am not a fucking doctor, why didn't you just go- y'know what? Fine, stay here, I'll bring the first aid kit, it's gotta be here somewhere..." he walked down the hallway to what Remus assumed was his bedroom, not that he was familiar with Nate's house. And Remus was left in silence once again. Left to wonder how exactly he found himself here, and why he found himself here? Remus found himself thinking about the butterfly effect, that one small misstep on his side which caused his life to change in an instant.

It wan not often that Remus thought about his future, but the heartwrenching scenarios that could - and will, Remus was certain - happen couldn't help but slowly creep their way into his head, slowly eating him up from the inside like maggots, Remus could practically feel the dopamine and serotonin leaving his body, leaving an empty shell of the jokester he once was. Maybe he was exaggerating, Dee always told him he was a drama queen, so did Roman. It hurt to even think those names, has Remus really become that sensitive?

The tiny drops of rain drummed against the window as Remus heard a distant, quiet rumble of thunder. Huh, he's probably gonna stay here overnight, he wasn't sure Nate would even let him leave, considering what state he came to him in. Speaking of Nate...

Remus got up, looking at the wet spot left behind him on the couch before he walked further into the house, his ears picking up on a hushed tone behind one of the doors.  He carefully put his ear to it, trying to pick up on the sentences being spoken.

"Yeah, he's here, no need to worry."

Remus' breath hitched in this throat.

He barely heard Nate sigh, "Natalie, it's past midnight, just let him sleep here."

Oh, was it really that late? Remus didn't notice...

"Yeah, yeah, I will, don't worry, g'night," Remus presumed that Nate hung up, because the next thing that came out of his mouth was, "Worrywart bitch..."

Remus knew he and ma weren't on good terms, the reason was there, so that wasn't much of a surprise. Still kind of angered Remus. He could hear footsteps coming closer, and stepped away from the door as it opened.

"Oh, Rem," Nate startled.

Remus groaned, "You took too long, I was tempted to just pull the glass out myself," he added a playful tone to the end to make Nate less worried.

Nate scoffed and walked back to the small living room where Remus followed him, "Yeah, like I'd let you do that."

Remus wanted to complain but shut his mouth instead, sitting back down onto the couch. He silently wondered...what was everyone doing right now. How they were...

He was getting sentimental.

[rosesfromcth]

let’s talk about mornings with bestfriend/roommate cal! both of you sitting on the couch half awake with bed head and puffy eyes and you’re watching cartoons and drinking coffee and like ugh just being soft with him and being best friends ?? and I DONT KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS

Picturing soft, messy haired Cal. Super cuddly, super puppy dog eyed, just melt my heart. I want a lazy morning with Calum. I had originally planned that this wasn’t going anywhere romantic,,, but uh,,, it did. I ain;t even mad about it. I hope you like it.I am sorry it took me so long get this done because I aint shit. really though I wrote like half of it, steppe away and then when I came back I couldn’t remember where I was going or how I was gonna get there and It took so long to get my mojo back so uh. anywhore

 “Y/N!” You’re woken by your best friend’s loud voice which you ignore. He is standing over you, blocking all sunlight from your window. You open one eyelid, halfway and look at him before turning on your other side.

“G’away,” You mumble. That is when he chose to start poking you. Not an unusual occurrence in your two bedroom apartment you share with the dark haired boy. It was enough to let you know it would be one of those mornings for Calum.

‘C’mon, Y/N! It’s 9am! Get up, get up, get up!” The tall boy flops down on the bed next to you which forces you to move so there’s room for his large body.

Maybe it wasn’t one of those mornings. His poking had stopped. You jinxed it, though, by thinking that. When you didn’t make anymoves to get up out of your nice, warm and loving bed, Calum tackled you. He literally flipped from his back to his stomach, landing on top of your sleepy body.

“Get off, fatty.” You tell him. His hands found the sides of your stomach and did the tasering thing that all ten year olds do. You let out an involuntary squeal. The squeal turns into fits of laughter. It isn’t that you aren’t annoyed. Because you are, all you want is to sleep in past ten on a Saturday. You don’t think that’s too much to ask. But it’s hard to resist laughing as he tickled your stomach. You tried to push him off, but one, he’s too heavy and three, he is a lot stronger than you especially when you’re so ticklish.

Finally, he grew tired of the game, but instead of rolling off of you, he just settles himself down on your body, letting his weight sink down on you.

“Lazy morning routine?” He asks as he picks at a few strands of your hair and attempts to braid it. He quickly grows tired of this, too.

Lazy morning routine was something the two of you had developed when you were growing up over many sleepovers. You would also eat themost sugary cereal you could find and watch cartoons. Of course, this had been adapted through the years to fit you as you grew.

He jumps out of your bed before you even get the chance to respond.

“I’ll get the coffee and cereal if you grab all the blanketsand pillows. Meet you at the couch in ten! Don’t forget the newspaper.” He commands. When you were little you would make forts and read the comics, too.Now that was too much work for a lazy morning, so you made a nest on the floor instead now. Along with comics you would take turns finding headlines and making up ridiculous stories behind them.

You force yourself out of bed and stand up. Slowly, you pull the sheets of your bed up so they lie neatly on top of the mattress. After fluffing the pillows, you walk to the closet where you grab a pair of sweatpants and slip them on over your bare legs. You take your time grabbing the spare blankets off of the top shelf of your closet. Really, you guys should keep them in Calum’s closet and make him get them down. Every time you have to grab them you have to grab a step stool, it’s a whole production.  But you finally get them down and walk to the living room with them stacked nicely in a laundry basket. You set them down and then head back to your room where you grab a bunch of pillows to cuddle on.

It takes Calum a little bit longer to get breakfast ready than usual. But by the time you’ve finished setting up the tent, he has it sitting on a tray in front of you. You laugh and grab your bowl of cocoa puffs. before looking at his bowl. He has concocted a mixture of lucky charms, rice krispies and reese’s puffs. You feel yourself throw up in your mouth a little. He always makes the weirdest combinations. But the weirdest part of his breakfast this morning is that he poured strawberry milk over his cereal. Blech.

“I can’t believe you eat that.” You state as you dig into your bowl of chocolatey goodness.

“At least I’m not sticking with the same old boring thing.” Calum teases you.

The morning passes and soon its late afternoon. The two of you have yet to move from your spots in your fort.  Both of you are seated on opposite sides of the couch, with your feet laying on each other’s chest.

You love days like this, they were something you craved when he was gone. It is your favorite part of your friendship with Calum.

Your day has been filled with giggles and sillyconversations about nothing and everything. You love just sitting around with your favorite boys and doing nothing.  Duke is curled up between you on the couch, every once and a while he’ll move up towards your chest and give a little jump before barking for attention Once he feels satisfied, he’ll go back and lay byyour legs and Calum’s waist.

“What are you thinking about?” Calum asks you as you guys lay there in silence watching Tom and Jerry.

You don’t respond at first. Really, you’re just thinking about how much you love days like this. It’s three pm and you guys are still inpajamas and you haven’t left your apartment all day. You were also a bit sad because soon, he would be leaving for tur and you’d be alone in this large apartment. It would feel lonely and empty, even though you still had duke and you knew you’d get to fly out once to visit the boys. But instead of telling him how this all made you sad, you looked over at him, shifting your body so you were able to get a better view of him.

“Nothing much, squish. How about you?” you respond finally.

He looks at you for moment and you can tell he’s trying to break down what’s actually going on in your mind so you shoot him a smile. His stare on you lingers for a few minutes and your eyes lock with his. His pretty brown eyes. You’ve always liked his eyes, you found them comforting. They were often times stormy and hard for other people to read but you always noticed a softness to them. One that only came out when he was with you, the boys or hisfamily. Your gaze shifts over his face, his squishy little cheeks, and his thick eyebrows but in the end your eyes settle on his mouth. The smile you love and is surprisingly plump lips. You find yourself wondering, what it would be like to kiss them. Would they be soft and warm? Or would it be gross? You’d been friends with him for so long and never really thought about him in that way. But now as it popped into your head, you couldn’t remove the thoughts that wandered in and out.

Calum Hood was attractive. He had always been, but puberty had hit him like an MF truck and now, he was beautiful.  You couldn’t deny you’d always found him to be rather good looking, but never once had you thought about what it would be like to kiss him or to touch him.  People always asked when the two of you were going to get together but that was the extent of your thoughts on the matter.

“Seriously bub, what’s the matter.” His forehead creased in worry and your thoughts went wild. You went from wondering what it would belike to touch him to wanting to kiss his worries away and smooth his worry lines away.

Did you, did you like Calum? You were blown away by the thoughts that kept entering your mind. The only way to put them to rest though would be to test it out. AS quickly as it came on, you knew it was the only option you had for putting it behind you. Besides if it didn’t go well the worst that could happen was it was an awkward thing that you left in the past.

“Honestly. This is going to sound weird.” You start. “I’m wondering what it would be like to kiss you.”

“Oh.” You can tell he’s startled. You worry as you sit there waiting for a response. Maybe you didn’t think this through as much as you should’ve. You have always had the tendency to dive in head first without thinking it through.

“So kiss me then.” He spoke up.

“Wait, really?’ Shock was evident in your tone.

“Only one way to find out.” He said as he sat up. You matched his actions. All of a sudden you’re nervous.How do you do this? How do you kiss your best friend?

Calum sat there waiting for you to do something. Truth is, he has always wanted to kiss you. He has MEGA feelings for you. But he never thought you liked him that way. Maybe you don’t but he wasn’t passing up the opportunity, especially if it might never come around again. He could feel his palms start to sweat. He was getting scared you had changed your mind. The air surrounding you was thick, and he couldn’t handle the tension. Everythingbetween the two of you had always been easy.

Fuck it. He closes the gap between the two of you, placing one hand under your chin to tilt your head up to his and placing the other behind your head, wrapping his fingers instrands of your soft hair. He hesitate for the briefest moment, less than half a second, before taking the plunge and placing his lips on yours.

It’s soft. Your lips are warm against his. Your lips play against his, neither of you really taking the lead. You work in motion with him to create something so familiar and kind, loving and warm. It feels natural to be kissing each other and like something you’d been doing your whole life. It also felt new and exciting, there was, as cheesy as it sounds, a sort of sparkto it that you’d never felt before. You loved the way his lips felt on yours.

Neither of you wants to be the one to pull away, so it’s very slow when whoever pulls away does so. Your foreheads rest against each other’s and your noses are touching. You can tell by the look in Calum’s eyes that he is feeling what you feel as well.

Shit, you’re in love with your best friend.

[snezbabe]

Klaus shows up to Diego’s apartment after being mugged and he’s hurt and sick and Diego has to clean him up/take care of him and Klaus feels awful but he didn’t know where else he could go

Klaus has some sort of injury that puts him in more and more pain each time he sneezes/coughs but he can’t stop

ok so this is like a combo maybe of both these prompts!!! anyways enjoy i don’t hate this too much??

-

The blood soaking through Klaus’ skinny jeans wasn’t the only sign that Number Four wasn’t alright when he appeared at Diego’s door. The only sign of color in his face was the red tinging the corners of his glossy eyes and his glistening nostrils. 

“Jesus Dude!” Diego lunged forward as Klaus stumbled forward into the entrance of Diego’s apartment. Klaus let a strangled cry as the bloodier spot on his thigh made contact with his brother. “What hurts Klaus? What hurts!” Number Two was starting to panic as Klaus’ moaning grew increasingly louder. 

Klaus slid down onto the floor, breathing hard. Sweat beaded at his brow and he looked quite out of it. 

“Who did this?” Diego muttered, hands shaking with adrenaline as he started to inspect the wound. A four to five inch long gash hung open diagonally across Klaus’ left thigh. Diego flinched as it pulsed. The bleeding looked like it had died down a lot. “Klaus, how did this happen?” 

Klaus sniffled feebly and looked at Diego with a faraway, feverish gaze. Diego was about to ask again when Klaus snapped forward. “hh’IHSzxchh’UH! Shit… h-hhurts h’IJSZCcshh’IEw!.. Fuck..” Klaus wheezed, holding onto his side and panting. God, he must’ve gotten his ribs kicked in too. 

“C-Can I lift you?” Diego begged, panic seeping into his voice once again as he realized he didn’t know the extent of Klaus’ injuries. “I want you on the couch, Klaus.” He said a bit firmer, trying to maintain his hard exterior, but his voice still gave way. Number Four’s head lolled with a tired nod as he let Diego softly wrap his arm around his shoulder and hoist him up. 

It may have taken a minute or two, but they eventually shuffled their way to the couch. Klaus gingerly lowered his body onto the couch, with the help of Diego of course, and let out a shaky sigh. 

“I’m sorry, Diego. I didn’t know where else to go,” Klaus smiled sheepishly and rubbed his nose with a bruised knuckle absentmindedly. 

“No, no. Don’t be sorry. I just..” Diego stopped, trying to pick his words carefully, because last time he saw his brother he was quite upset. “I haven’t seen you in awhile, Klaus.” Diego said quickly, pulling his brother’s shirt up to see if he was bruising. Sure enough, a faint blue and green were already washed over his ribs. 

“Yeah… yeah.. I’m sorry. You know me.” Klaus rasped with a sad smile. “There was guy with my dealer and he was weird and suddenly I was being kicked and I was trying to fight back, but he pulled out his knife…and you know.” Klaus gestured to his leg while his lips began to quiver. “Could I just stay here for tonight? I can find somewhere else as soon as I wake up tomorrow I promise I-” Klaus started to ramble nervously. Diego could see the tears spring into his green-glossy eyes. 

“Stay as long as you need.” Diego laid a hand on Klaus shoulder and stood up. “I need to get my kit. I’m gonna have to give you stitches, you know?” 

Klaus nodded and strained a grin. “That’s fine with me. You know I love needles.” He chuckled, but a dry, wheezing cough interrupted. Diego scoured before ordering Klaus to stay still while he got the supplies. 

Diego was okay with needles as long as he knew he wasn’t going to be the one being poked. Klaus on the other hand poked himself on purpose. It was something Diego had never understood. The thought made him sick to his stomach. When Number Two made it back into the living room Klaus was in the same spot, fighting to keep his eyelids from closing. His lips were parted and you could hear his stuffy breathing from across the room. Of course he’d caught himself another cold. 

“Klaus, c’mon you can’t sleep yet, okay?” Diego softened his usually firm voice as he rubbed his brother’s bony knee. Klaus mumbled but blinked open his fever-bright eyes. 

“M’ready Diego..” Klaus slurred, trying to give Diego what looked to be a reassuring smile as his brother began to rip the hole in his jeans bigger so he could begin his stitches. 

Klaus was basically passed out by the end of Diego tending to his injuries. He seemed to have gone numb to the small stab from the needle after the third stitch. Or he was too exhausted to express his pain. 

Diego dabbed away the rest of the blood that stuck to the puffy skin around the cut and bandaged it. Klaus snuffled, his tired eyes opening again. 

“Done already?” He breathed out and wiped the back of his hand against his nose. He sniffed again and cursed under his breath, pulling his elbow up to his face sharply. “hh’GSZXCH’uh! H’ISZjjsch’iew! … h’isZJSCh’uhh.. fuck me!” Klaus squirmed after the small fit, clutching his side and dabbing at his reddened nose with the neckline of his shirt. 

“Gross. I’ll get tissues.” Diego sighed, getting up and grabbing the box from the counter. “I honestly have no idea how you pick up all these colds.” Diego muttered, taking a seat next to Klaus’ shaking, hunched over frame. Klaus carefully tented a couple tissues over his nose, blowing softly. 

“Me neither.” Klaus whispered, looking down at the ground dolefully. Gloominess didn’t suit Number Four very well. 

“What’s wrong, dude?” Diego leaned into his brother and asked seriously. Klaus shrugged and smiled quickly, eyes flitting around the room. 

“I just am tired of running away, Diego.” Klaus’ voice cracked, serving as punctuation and he swiftly wiped the tear falling down his ashen face. “I am so tired of illness and injury.” Klaus collected himself and went on. “I know I’m supposed to always be that carefree guy, but… that hasn’t been me for quite awhile.” He shrugged and choked out a laugh. “Any who! Thanks for patching me up.” His voice shook with the strain to keep it even as he switched back to his nonchalant persona. 

“You don’t have to do any of this… you know.” Diego struggled to find words. He had no idea what Klaus was going through. Klaus nodded shortly and kept his eyes on the ground. After not getting a verbal response, Diego looked at the time. 11:47pm. “Hey, how about we both go to bed, and in the morning we can have breakfast. Maybe talk more?” Diego ruffled his brothers mop of hair and got up. 

“Yeah… yeah.. that’d be good” Klaus said in his normal, airy tone and beamed. Diego felt victorious in a break through to his brother. 

“Alright. Goodnight, Klaus.” Diego began to shut the lights off, throwing a couple of extra blankets onto the couch. Just in case he got cold. 

“Goodnight, Diego.” Klaus hummed, burying himself carefully under a wool blanket. 

To Diego’s dismay, in the morning, Klaus was already gone. 

[starlightsoulwriting]

Time By Heartbeats

Chapter Two: Tantrums and Time Travel Texts

A/N: Here's the next update guys! I'm working surprisingly fast on these, but school starts in less than a month and I am so not looking forward to that. But at least my birthday is in a few weeks!

Enjoy the chapter, R&R!

Hiraeth

(orig.) Welsh

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you may not return, a home which maybe never was; the notalgia, the grief, the yearning for the lost places of our past.

Mora sat there in her room for hours, staring at the ceiling. What was the point of doing anything? She was in a strange place with strange people, and had no path forward. The stark white of the room was burning her retinas and making her eyes water, but there wasn’t a whole lot she could do about it - she had looked for a light switch, but there wasn’t one. It was just… bright for no discernable reason, despite the pitch night outside.

She just wished she could talk to someone. Her dad, or brother, or even one of the interns. Anyone familiar.

She rifled through the notes on her desk, a deep unease building in her stomach as she read them. Every single one was in her handwriting and used the same words she would have. None of them, however, were helpful. They were all technical notes on weird animals and unfamiliar machines. And what was all this talk about Hearts? Was she suddenly a biologist in the future? She scoffed at the thought. Yeah, cause now’s the perfect time for a career change. Who needs all that schooling when you can talk about organs! Euch.

Her breath caught when she caught a page of frantic writing in a language she did not understand - it was messy and didn’t follow any sort of lines, the paragraphs scattering the page like fallen index cards.

But it was still her handwriting.

She suddenly felt like puking again, but there was nothing for her to throw up but water.

She sat down on the stiff desk chair and ran her hands through her hair. Deep breath. You’re okay. You’re fine. She stuffed the page into the deepest recess of the desk and closed the drawer on it harder than necessary.

Honestly, a thought struck her, if only future me had left a goddamn note.

...but what if she did.

Mora stood up and began searching the room again - this time looking for hidden compartments. If it was for her eyes only, it probably wouldn’t be out in the open. She pulled on the drawers on the desk, but they were all sealed firmly shut - which was odd, considering there were no locks. She frowned whacking them petulantly. Maybe underneath? Or in her nightstand?

Looking underneath the desk yielded nothing but a banged head.  When she sourly yanked the drawer on her nightstand open, all it had was a disappointment - stationery and charms.

Damnit.

She lifted up her mattress, looking through every layer of sheets and under the baseboards - still nothing. She threw it down with a huff, reveling in the shrieks of rusty springs as it hit the bed frame. This is stupid! What was she even doing here?

That’s right, she was an arrogant dumbass!

And she is losing it.

She ran her hands through her dark hair roughly, tugging on the ends and letting out a clenched-teeth whine.  Damnit! Fuck! She should be home! She was so stupid! Why did she have to be such an egotistical prick?! She would be at the lab right now, probably repairing the machine instead of throwing a tantrum in an empty white box!

Damnit!

Hot tears bubbled from her eyes, and she covered her face with her hands. Stupid, stupid, stupid! She shouldn’t be here! She punted the frame of the bed, almost growling now, but recoiled with a sharp hiss as throbbing pain jolted through her bare foot, pissing her off beyond measure.

In that moment, something snapped.

She turned to the nightstand and jerked the drawer all the way out of the nightstand and hurled it at the wall; it gave a satisfying crash and splintered to pieces at the seams. Jewelry and paper littered the floor where it fell.

Next went her pillow, and then three separate notebooks, a paperweight, and some sailor-moon looking wand junk. Huffing, and out of items to throw, she resorted to kicking her desk. And it hurt like hell, but it felt good and the tightness in her chest felt so much worse. It was burning a clawing and it felt like sticky goo was eating her from the inside god damnit

And she cried, and she cried, and she fell to the floor and cried some more.

Eventually, the screams turned into sobs, and the sobs turned into hiccups, and slowly yet suddenly she was very, very tired. She plucked a napkin from the mess and wiped her face off, wincing at the rough texture on her puffy, inflamed skin. But she was gross and snotty, so she did it anyway.

Then she hit her head on the nightstand on her way up. She turned to flip it off, but something caught her eye instead.

A lone piece of parchment, neatly folded and covered in dust, hidden in the space where the drawer used to be. She took it with trembling hands and gingerly broke the wax seal.

The note was in her own handwriting, in rich black ink. The page was stained with… something. Not blood, and not ink - just a dark-purple something. An unsettled feeling crawled into her throat and made its home there.

She steeled herself, and read.

“Mora,

I know things are confusing and awful right now, but what you need to do right now is listen. There are things you need to know. One wrong step and you could easily end up dead or worse.

You need to familiarize yourself with the sequence of history, who lives when, and what threats may appear each jump. Knowing your enemy and how to fight - or run from - them is the best thing you can do to keep yourself alive. You need to learn how to fight. This place you’ve landed in is dangerous as all hell and if you don't learn to fight you’ll be eaten by monsters. And no, I’m not kidding.

If you make a journal, secrecy is the number one concern you have. You can’t write in just anything - if the wrong person reads it, it could end in disaster. Journaling in normal books would be a good way to tell everyone in exact detail everything that happens ever. Don’t do that.

Don't tell anyone about their futures, even if you desperately want to. Hello, paradox anyone? We already fucked this up enough without potentially unraveling the fabric of space-time, thank you.

And don’t take a single thing for granted. Don’t assume you will live because someone mentioned something you haven’t done yet. Don’t assume someone else will live because you’ve met them later in the timeline. The nature of time is chaos - if you don’t fight for your life and fear death then you are going to be killed because you got cocky and assumed everything is set in stone because ~I’ve been to the future, I know I’ll live so I don’t need to worry~ Because you could die, and then you won’t be here to write this letter, and, look, we ripped another hole in space-time. Congrats.

Just... be careful, okay?

May your Heart be your guiding Key

-MW”

She stiffly folded the parchment and tried to sort through her thoughts, but honestly, Mora just sat there on the floor, stunned, mind empty but for the steady stream of “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what th-” that ran through her mind.

She didn’t quite know what to do with herself after that.

Logically, she knew that all of this should be impossible and that she might be dead or in a coma.

Realistically, she knew those thoughts didn’t help her stay alive on the off chance that she wasn’t comatose. And what was up with the “May your heart be your guiding key” shit? She’d never said that before in her life. Feckin weird.

She took a moment to compose herself, then got to work, pushing herself to her feet with a grunt, and searched the room for a lighter. If spy movies told her anything, it was that you burned letters with sensitive information (even if they made no sense). She huffed and crossed her arms when she found nothing and settled for tearing up the letter into itty little pieces instead. Hopefully, no one would care about the new confetti.

Now to clean up. She gathered the pens and paper around the room and set them back on her desk now that they had no drawer to rest in, and gathered the splintered wood into the bin. It oddly soothing, cleaning the aftermath of her rampage. Like going outside after a thunderstorm. Maybe one day she could audition for Godzilla.

She remade the bed, straightened the desk, and put the oddly soft clothes back where they should be.

She should take a shower.

And so she did, finding the small full bathroom next to her room already had towels. She took some deep breaths as she wrung the shampoo through her short hair. She would be fine. She could do this. She didn’t have her mothers notes, but she had her wits. She just hoped that it would be enough for her to get home.

As she stepped into the cold air and shivered, her mind sped through different theories of what went wrong with the machine. Obviously, the explosion had caused the targeting system to fail and send her somewhere and somewhen decidedly not eight A.M. the next morning, like it should have. The big question was what had caused the explosion?

She sat down at her desk, minding the bruises forming on her right foot, feeling lighter than she had since she woke up. She brushed all the papers away, stacked them neatly in the corner, and grabbed a blank sheet of paper before filling it in solid with a yellow highlighter. She lost herself, letting her hands focus on a piece she’d made thousands of times since she was young, while her mind wandered. The folds came together almost by themselves as she worked through the events of the test. Maybe there was tachyon radiation from the lab next door? No, that had never caused interference in any of the trials, it wouldn’t make sense for that to make a difference while the lab was running, let alone during off-hours. A mistake in her calculations? Her mothers work? A snake in the electrical box? Sabotage?

By the time she had run her mind in circles, she was done with her origami. A yellow paper duckling. She smiled sadly. At least wasn’t totally useless.

[minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong]

Dissonance Chapter Eleven

Description: After spending a year studying abroad in America, Y/N returns to Seoul hoping to greet the familiar city as a new girl. But what will she do when she’s met with old friends she’d rather forget? It seems the strings of fate are determined to test her resolve…and her willpower.

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Pairing: Taehyung x (f) Reader

Word Count: 8.3k

Tags: Badboy!Taehyung, Non-Idol!Au, Rockband BTS!Au, Bassist Taehyung!Au

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of alcohol, although infrequently

A/N: Ahhhh, back to a more manageable word count. While I would love to write long chapters all the time, this one just worked better this way! Lucky for my fingers haha. Anyway, thank you guys for being so supportive of the story! I can’t wait to write more. ALSO I know I promised more Joon and Jin in this chapter, but unfortunately I couldn’t squeeze it in. NEXT CHAPTER THOUGH I PROMISE THEY WILL APPEAR! As always please feel free to send me an ask if you want to chat! I’ll respond to all my asks within a day of receiving them. And feel free to send me feedback, critique, concerns, or questions as well so I can address them. I hope you guys are having a peaceful day and I wish you luck if you’re coming up on your finals like I am haha. 

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

“Y/N,” said Haewon slowly as the first rays of daylight began dancing across the sky outside. She and I were curled up, side-by-side on the couch, staring into the dim living room. There wasn’t much more to say. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t tell anyone,” I said. “Not even Yuna.”

She sighed. “Why?”

I shrugged and nestled further back into the couch. “I guess…I guess because I scared her too bad that night. I don’t wanna scare her again.”

“You’re not scaring me.”

“That’s good.”

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and rested her cheek atop my head. “I’m gonna kill him, you know.”

I nodded and shut my eyes. “That’s good too.”

She chuckled then straightened up and gave my shoulder a shake. “Don’t make me laugh right now.”

“What’s the point of any of it if we can’t laugh a little?” I asked, then shook my head. “What was the point of loving him? What was the point of growing apart, coming together, hurting each other?” I rubbed my puffy eyes. “If I don’t laugh then I’ll cry.”

“Y/N, is that…is that why you’re always being so weird?” she asked. “No, that came out wrong. I mean…I guess I mean…is that why you’re always joking around?”

I nodded. “Yeah. It’s stupid isn’t it?”

“It’s sad.”

I laughed. “Hey,” I said, turning my head to face her. “I wanna hear a story of yours. I’m sick of talking about myself.”

She grinned. “What kind of story?”

“One that’ll make me laugh.”

She chuckled and nodded, smoothing my hair as I rested my head once again against her shoulder. “Well, if you want a good laugh, I’ll tell you about the night Taehyung and I hooked up.”

“That’s funny?”

“Oh yeah.”

I smiled. “Lay it on me.”

She cleared her throat. “Well,” she began, “it started with me touching his thigh at the restaurant.”

“Ew,” I interjected. “Sorry, knee-jerk reaction.”

Haewon laughed again. “No it was gross. I was drunk,” she said with a sigh. “Anyway, he got the hint pretty quick and suggested we go to the bathroom. Of course, being drunk and dying of thirst, I followed. We…well, you know what we did in there,” she paused to laugh. “You walked in after all.”

“Don’t remind me,” I said. “I’ll vomit.”

“Yeah, well it was equally traumatizing for me,” she said, chuckling. “Once you guys left, he and I…you know, continued. And,” she sighed, unable to continue. “God, it’s so embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” I said.

She scoffed. “Not embarrassing for me. Embarrassing for him.”

I sat up straight and looked at her with wide eyes. “What?” 

She smirked. “Oh yeah.”

The bitter part of me wanted to hear more and I edged closer, watching her face. “Tell me.”

“So we’re in the bathroom, right? And he’s, you know…sucking on my neck or whatever. As one does-,”

“Gross,” I said, shaking my head. “Sorry, it slipped out.”

She smacked my arm and furrowed her brow at me. “You’re gonna miss the best part!”

“Okay! Okay, tell me.”

“So he’s kissing on me and in the middle of it…he kinda just…whispers a name that definitely wasn’t mine,” she said, laughing.

I joined her. “Ew! Whose name?”

She kept laughing for a while before flitting her hand and shaking her head. “Don’t remember. But it was not Haewon, I can tell you that much for sure.”

We laughed for a long, long moment before each of us paused and sat smiling, facing one another. “Hey…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything sooner. Especially since you liked him so much.”

She shrugged and smiled at her lap. “No. I don’t blame you,” she said, taking my hand gently in hers and rubbing circles onto my skin. “It must have been hard. Seeing me pining after him.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that,” I said. “I…I guess I was more worried about you.”

She nodded. “I have a tendency to like guys that are bad for me.” Her voice was so solemn, so somber. I felt a tinge of concern just from hearing such a tone.

“Wanna talk about it?” I asked softly.

She shook her head. “I don’t know. It hurts a little and I don’t think I can laugh about it yet.”

“You liked him a lot didn’t you?” I asked.

She sighed and glanced towards the ceiling, that same sad smile on her lips. She nodded. “I guess…seeing him on stage performing and then talking to him…he seemed so kind. I thought be might be someone I could fix.”

“Oh,” I said, then nodded. “I thought that too for a while.”

“Some people are beyond fixing.”

I was quiet a moment. “I don’t want to think that,” I said. “I think…I think if you love someone enough it can be done.”

She stared at me seriously, her fingers still tracing the top of my hand. “But it didn’t work with Taehyung.”

“Maybe I didn’t love him enough,” I said, then sighed. “Maybe he felt like nobody did.”

She nodded. “I never told you guys, but I had a fling last year while you were away,” she said.

I met her eyes. “You did?”

“With a married guy,” she said, then laughed and shook her head.

I flushed and stared at her. It wasn’t something I would have assumed, nor was it something I thought she would do. “How did you meet?”

“It was on University Street actually. It was right after class and we were both watching a street performer. The crowd got bigger so he kind of had to press against me and then we got talking and…,” she began, but trailed off with a shrug. “I was infatuated with him. He asked me out. We spent so much good time together. He was so kind and loving to me and I felt like…you know, like it was the real deal.”

“But…,” I said, taking in the way her face fell.

She nodded. “But about a month into seeing each other I found out he was married. I was over at his apartment in the middle of the night. He was showering and his phone started to ring. I looked at it and…I really didn’t wanna answer, Y/N, but I saw the contact name and I had to,” she said. “She was saved as My Love.”

I shook my head. “Oh, Haewon,” I said, gently guiding her hair behind her ears.

She laughed and nodded. “Yeah. I answered and I didn’t say anything, but she started talking and talking about the groceries she was getting the next day and the new linens being too scratchy and it was so domestic and I kind of…put two and two together,” she said. “So then I was this dumb college student, sitting naked in a married man’s bed.”

“Did he admit it?”

“Mhm,” she said. “After I confronted him. He admitted it all. He said he’d never cheated before. He said he only had the apartment so he wouldn’t have to commute to work since he lived in Bucheon with his wife.”

“That’s horrible,” I said, shaking my head. 

“Tell me about it,” she sighed. “I felt…disgusting. Like, this nasty used-up thing. And what was worse was that I didn’t stop for another few weeks.”

“What made you stop?” I asked.

She smiled. “He said he’d leave her, but the more I thought about it the less I wanted that. She sounded so sweet on the phone. Gentle. And I knew she deserved to know the truth, but I didn’t want to ruin a marriage. I didn’t want to ruin someone’s life,” she said with a dismal shake of her head. “He was upset, but eventually he moved on. I considered writing a letter to his wife, but I don’t know her address and I don’t think I have the guts.”

“I’m so sorry, Haewon,” I said, placing a hand on her shoulder and rubbing softly.

She nodded. “So when I met Taehyung and I kind of…had those feelings again…ah, I don’t know. I kind of got carried away,” she said.

“And you got hurt,” I said slowly.

She laughed. “Again.”

“Why do we love the people who hurt us?” I asked into the darkness, leaning back into the couch as the heaviness in the air settled onto my chest.

She joined me, each of us staring at nothing in particular. “Because that’s what love is. Because loving someone means loving all of them,” she said slowly.

I breathed slowly, growing tired. “Isn’t that too masochistic?”

I could her Haewon’s own breath coming and going rhythmically, and in my peripheral I could see her chest rising and falling slowly. “Love is masochism.”

My Hope: Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Everything okay? Y/N: Yeah! Everything’s peachy. Just been working a lot. My Hope: Today too? Y/N: Aha, yeah. Too bad, huh? My Hope: Yeah…

I slid my phone into my back pocket with a heavy sigh and slipped behind my Yuna to grab the cup of coffee that she’d been brewing. I filled a porcelain cup and stepped around her again as she chatted with a patron. Quickly I found my way to the table by the window and set the cup down in front of a young man, probably in college, poring over a textbook with a furrowed brow.

I smiled and cleared my throat. “Excuse me,” I said quietly.

He startled and looked up at me with wide eyes. “Ah, uh…yeah?”

“Your coffee…,” I said, turning the handle towards him.

He nodded. “Thanks,” he said. “Ah, here’s a tip,” he said, rifling through his pants pocket before handing me a bill.

I smiled my thanks and turned on my heel towards the register. I placed the bill inside our tip jar and sighed as I realized how much it was. “That’s his fifth cup of coffee today,” I said, shooting him a glare. “And he can only give a dollar for a tip.”

“Stingy,” mumbled Yuna, leaning against the counter as patrons filtered in and out. “Probably since it’s a Wednesday.”

I stretched my body this way and that before sliding my gaze towards the front of the building. “Who have you been texting?” asked Yuna as she nudged my side.

I glanced at her and chuckled. “Who do you think?” I asked. “Hoseok, of course.”

She shimmied towards me and shook my shoulders. “Y/N in love is cute.”

I smiled back at her and laughed a beat too long. “Yeah.”

“I hope he makes you happy,” she said, still holding me in a tight embrace. She smiled at me softly. “You deserve to be happy.”

I blinked at her. Did she know what happened at the party? Haewon and I had agreed to keep things to ourselves, mostly so we wouldn’t have to relive it. “Thanks, Yuna,” I said, nodding.

“You seem a little quiet these days,” she said with a pout. “Don’t feel down, okay?”

I nodded. “I’ll try.”

I exited the cafe and stretched as I made my way to the bus stop. Quietly, I wandered down the street as people strolled in the afternoon sunlight. I wanted to stroll with them, but Yuna was right. I’d been quiet these days. I’d let a crucial part of me out that night, a part of me that I’d been trying to repair for a year. But that broken part was jagged and stubborn, and she demanded I either face her and heal her or ignore her and suffer. I’d been choosing the latter option since that night.

I settled into the bus stop bench and shut my eyes slowly, letting my head lull to the side as I took a rest. Things were getting a bit too heavy again. I felt that familiar urge to run, run, run. 

“Care for a sandwich?”

I stiffened and opened my eyes to find Hoseok sitting at my side, smiling softly with a hand extended, offering a cling-wrapped sandwich with no crusts. I blinked at him as he scanned my face and his smile faltered the longer he looked down at me. I wasn’t sure what that meant.

“Hey,” I said slowly.

He frowned and took my hand, flipping it palm up and placing the sandwich atop my fingers. “Y/N, you look sick,” he said.

My eyes went wide and I smoothed my free hand over my cold cheek. “I’m not wearing makeup,” I mumbled.

He shook his head. “It’s not that. You look like you’re not sleeping,” he said.

I glanced at him. I looked like I wasn’t sleeping precisely because I wasn’t sleeping. “Hoseok-,”

“Hang out with me,” he said, that gentle smile returning. “No pressure, no expectations. Just us. Hanging out.”

I couldn’t fight the chuckle that bubbled forth from inside my chest as his words tumbled awkwardly through the air. I smiled down at the sandwich and nodded. “Okay. I’ve got time.”

He grinned and began unwrapping the food for me, scents of childhood wafting upwards towards my nose. I recognized this particular sandwich. I hadn’t had it since I was young: grilled cheese with tomato. I ran a finger over the clean, crustless edge and took a hearty bite. The nostalgia made me smile. I remembered a time that felt distant and near all at once.

“Is it good?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded. “It’s great,” I said, turning to him and, with my right hand, lacing our fingers atop his knee. “Thank you.”

His face went pink before he breathed a chuckle and nodded, rubbing his hair a little. “It’s no big deal,” he said. “Let’s go have fun. I have some things planned.”

“Hoseok!” I cried as he caused my bowling ball to misfire, shooting down the lane and barreling into the gutter. I glared at him as he continued tickling my sides and he backed away, still laughing. “If you invited me to hang out just so you could cheat then I’m leaving!” 

“You’re the one who cheated last time!” he accused with a pointed look.

I cracked a smile before regaining my composure. “That was different!”

He laughed once more before handing me a new ball. “Give it another go, babe,” he said, and I paused mid-turn. 

I glanced back at him to find that, like me, the boy had gone immobile. Both of us simply stared wide-eyed at one another, unable to move. The nickname must have slipped out unintentionally. It must have simply bypassed his social filters on accident like a rogue water molecule in a cell membrane. It couldn’t have meant anything…

He cleared his throat and turned around, hiding his flushed face as he revealed his back to me instead. I followed suit and spun around, ready to let the bowling ball sail down the lane. But I was too distracted and instead of sailing, the heavy thing only trudged along down the center of the lane before careening lazily to the right and sliding into the gutter once more. I stared at all the pins still standing erect, unaffected by my efforts, and shuffled back to my seat beside Hoseok. He was sipping on a soda, gazing down into the cup like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. The way I was looking at it too, you would have thought it really was. 

“Uh…I missed,” I said quietly from beside him.

His eyes went wide and he turned to me. “O-Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t watching. I should have been,” he mumbled.

I blinked at him as he returned his focus to his cup. “It’s your turn,” I said, still scanning his face.

He fumbled a little as he quickly lurched to his feet and placed his cup back on the table. “I’ll…uh, I’m gonna…make this one,” he said, but his voice wavered and lacked confidence and he could scarcely look me in the eye.

Seeing this confident boy reduced to a nervous mess made something in my heart ache a little for him. The more I knew him, the more endearing he became. Every word, every action, every concerning shift in his mood made me care for him more and more. I wondered if it was okay, however, to care so much for someone but still feel like…perhaps something was missing.

He launched the ball down the lane and it slid confidently along the center line before toppling all of the pins down in one fell swoop. He shouted, causing the a group of teens in the lane beside us to chuckle at him. I chuckled too and, all awkwardness forgotten, he rushed back to me and pulled me to my feet by my wrists, quickly wrapping me up in a bouncing hug. I laughed as he continued to jump, unable to contain his excitement.

“Did you see that? That was a damn strike, Y/N!” he shouted once he’d released me, staring at me with a big grin.

I nodded and patted his shoulder. “Good job, big guy.”

He laughed, still beaming with pride, and exhaled slowly. “Sorry about…you know, before. Calling you babe,” he said with a laugh. “I said no expectations and here I am. Expecting you to be okay with that.”

I shook my head. “Did it make you happy?” I asked carefully, watching his reaction.

His face lightened a little and he nodded. “It’s been a while since I’ve called someone that,” he said, chuckling. “It made me happy.”

“Then do it,” I said. “If it makes you happy, then do it.”

His eyes went wide. “You don’t mind?”

I’d decided a while ago to be what he needed. It was my penance and my privilege. I hadn’t been what Taehyung needed. I hadn’t been what Hyerim needed. And now…

“Not at all,” I said with a smile.

Hoseok yawned like a kitten as we sat side-by-side in the dim movie theater. The film playing wasn’t particularly interesting and seemed to drone on and on, but Hoseok’s constant commentary in my ear had me in stitches as we struggled to keep our voices down. 

As the movie wore on into the early evening, however, Hoseok had begun to lose steam. I wondered how much of his energetic persona was a front, especially as I turned to look at him resting his head back against the cushion, eyes half-shut and lips parted as if he were already asleep. Was he always so tired? Or was it only when he’d been wearing the mask too long?

Slowly his eyes began to flutter, his lashes dusting against the high apples of his cheeks. His head tilted back against the seat, but each time he leaned back his mouth would open too wide and a snore would rouse him from his near-slumber and his eyes would flash open once again. For a while this pattern continued until finally, having seen it enough times to have it memorized, I simply guided his head to my shoulder and smoothed down his hair as his breath escaped in even, measured beats. I watched him from above, watched the micro movements in his face, the twitches, the furrowing and relaxation of his brow. He seemed more peaceful this way. He no longer seemed to be performing.

“I can’t believe you let me drool on you,” murmured Hoseok as we walked down the street together. Sunset was fast-ending and twilight was slowly being ushered in by the shifting sky overhead. This time of day always felt melancholy. Now more than ever.

I simply smiled his way on the near-empty street and shrugged. “You must have been tired,” I remarked.

“No excuse to ruin your shirt,” he said, thumbing the material of my shirt at the shoulder with a sigh. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

I rolled my eyes and swatted his hand away. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s fine. And besides, I owe you for hanging out with me today. I think…it was a good thing I wasn’t alone.”

Our pace slowed as we came upon a viewpoint overlooking the western part of the city. I could vaguely make out the Han River in the distance. Hoseok sat down on an empty bench atop the viewpoint and patted the space beside him. I could feel the air going serious, just as the sky turned darker as the sunset died. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for such an atmosphere. But the look on his face, vaguely vulnerable and accompanied with a soft smile, spurred me forward. I sat beside him, close enough that our thighs brushed but not so close that our arms touched, and we both stared out at the city sprawled out below us.

“It’s best not to be alone when you feel like this,” he said.

I stiffened and glanced at him. “Are you feeling sad lately?” I asked, struck by his question.

His eyes went wide and, like before, he seemed surprised by his own words. “No, no. It’s not that. Not at all,” he said, shaking his head. He gave me a bright smile.

I took a deep breath and, still watching the cityscape, composed my thoughts. “Hoseok…I’ve been thinking this for a while now, but…,” I began, then sighed and glanced at my lap. “You don’t have to put up a front with me.”

He was quiet and I heard him swallow. “Huh?”

“You don’t have to pretend.”

I took a peek at him out the corner of my eye and saw that his posture had slumped slightly and his expression went dull as he stared out over the city. Gone was the goofy boy who shouted at the bowling alley, and in his wake was a hollow boy sitting poorly on a bench, skin slightly sallow in the dying light and eyes distant. It was such a dramatic shift that I was left unsure of how to proceed.

He inhaled sharply and exhaled. “Are you sure?”

I nodded without a second’s pause. “Yes.”

He slumped some more, now resting with his head facing the heavens and his legs splayed out in front of him, halfway sliding off the bench. “God it feels good to let it go.”

“Let what go?” I asked.

He glanced at me and I expected a cheeky grin. None came. “The fucking act.” I’d never heard him speak this way before. Cold. Slow. Almost lackadaisical.

“Can I ask why you do it?” I asked.

He nodded. “It’s a lot of things,” he said. “I went to therapy for it a while ago. But after a while I stopped.”

“Why?”

“My mom needed me at home,” he said. “I couldn’t afford to spend an hour every day with a therapist when real people needed me.”

I blinked at him. The endearment I’d felt before was stronger now, but it had morphed into something slightly different. Deep concern. “Why did she need you?”

He shut his eyes once again and the wind tousled his dark hair. “My mom raised me on her own.”

“Like Jimin,” I interjected after it was clear he would say no more until I spoke too.

He nodded. “Yeah. But my mom…she took on a few jobs to keep us afloat. She was really busy and really tired,” he said. “I have a little sister. Someone had to keep an eye on her.”

“So you did.”

“I did.”

“And did you resent it?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Hard not to when you’re a bratty teenager who just wants to go out and have fun. But…I guess deep down I just felt responsible,” he said, sitting upright at last and sighing. “She always told me I look like him.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I don’t know. I…I don’t really wanna look like him.”

I nodded slowly. “You felt like you had to step into the role he left empty?”

A small smile played with the edges of his lips as he nodded once. “You get it.”

“I do,” I said. “But I want to hear more.”

Finally he met my eyes and I was startled to find his gaze pale as he took me in. “Things were really quiet in the house. Kinda sad,” he said. “Yeri didn’t deserve to grow up thinking the world was that dark.”

“So you…became bright for her?” I asked.

He nodded again, this time smiling slightly. “I had to. I was the person she looked to when she felt like everything was shitty. If I wasn’t consistent…nothing else in her life would have been.”

“That’s a lot of responsibility,” I commented, gauging his reaction.

He shrugged. “For a while I was happy to do it. But after a few years, it started to become harder to drop the act. People outside my family started to expect me to be that way all the time.”

“And that’s not all there is to you,” I said.

“No.”

“You’re more complex than just that.”

He smiled slightly. “Yeah.”

“I wonder…if you allow people close enough to realize that,” I said slowly, my words measured.

He glanced at me. “I…I don’t know about that.”

I nodded. “I wasn’t expecting an answer,” I said, smiling gently. 

His gaze slid back towards the view. “I think people started to take advantage of me, thinking I was too nice to notice,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m not as nice as I seem though.”

I furrowed my brow at him. “You’re not?”

“No,” he said. “There was one person though who saw the me I keep tucked away and didn’t hate me for it,” he said with a chuckle. “But only because the person she kept hidden away was just as ugly as mine.”

“Hoseok,” I said slowly. 

He shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“It doesn’t sound fine.”

He turned to me and smiled softly. “Thank you for caring about me,” he said. “But I’m okay.”

I furrowed my brow and, without thinking, grabbed once again for his hand. I laced our fingers and nodded my head. “Tell me more.”

His skin flushed a little before he cleared his throat and nodded. “Only if you want,” he said. “Her name was Soomi. She was so dynamic and beautiful and smart. You looked at her and you wanted to be her friend so you could hopefully become better just by being around her. She was amazing.”

“But she kept something ugly too,” I said slowly, stitching together the pieces Hoseok left up to me to interpret.

He sighed. “Yeah. We got together in the beginning of high school and at first things were really great. Everyone expected us to get together anyway. The two sunshines. Our relationship started out that way. Positive.”

“Because you were both still hiding.”

“Exactly.”

I played with my thumbs, letting them work over one another. “But the mask has to come off when you get that close to someone,” I said.

He exhaled slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “As things got deeper between us, she started showing me this side of her that was…dark. Like, really dark.”

“What did she show you?” 

He glanced at me. “She was cruel. She liked to rile people up. At one point she told me she only started dating me because she knew the girls in our class would be jealous,” he said with a sigh. “She just wanted attention, however she could get it.”

“And you? What was your ugly part?” I asked.

His eyes flitted towards me, uncertain, almost pure. “I wanted to be loved,” he said with a chuckle. “Even if the person people loved wasn’t really me.”

“Who are you then?”

He pursed his lips. “Gloomy, tired, standoffish,” he said. “Competitive and spiteful.”

I nodded. “Everyone has flaws.”

“Not everyone hides them so well,” he said with a laugh. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but…you don’t hide them. I like that.”

My eyes widened and I glanced at him. “I don’t?”

“You try to but you’re too earnest,” he said. “You’re soft on people who hurt you and you’re too naive.”

“You’re right,” I said, remembering the party at Hyerim’s house with a scowl.

“And you’re an escapist. You run away when things are hard,” he said, then sat up straight and looked at me, surprised. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to criticize you.”

I laughed. “If you can pinpoint all of your flaws, then it’s fair to point out mine too,” I said.

He shook his head and exhaled slowly. “This is why I like you so much. You’re the opposite of her,” he said.

His words settled inside me uneasily. Something was off about his mindset. I’d glimpsed it so many times before, but I was beginning to understand what exactly it was that struck me as wrong. “You think in dichotomies,” I said.

His brow furrowed as he watched the sky. “What?”

“You think things are either this or they’re that,” I said. “Someone is either good or they’re bad. Life is either pretty or it’s ugly.”

“And?”

“And it’s not true. Nothing is black and white. Everything is grey,” I said.

He turned to me, puzzled, and shook his head. “Some things are just bad, Y/N. Some people just suck.”

“No they don’t,” I said. “People are the way they are for a reason. Just like you being so upbeat and optimistic because you felt like you had to be.”

“Doesn’t mean they aren’t responsible for their actions,” he said.

“No,” I said. “But it doesn’t make them bad.”

He sat back against the bench and shrugged. “I want to believe you’re right.”

“But you don’t. Just like that night when you found me at the venue.”

“Yeah.”

“How did it end? With you and Soomi?”

He pulled his lips into a line, revealing small dimples, and tossed his head this way and that. “We started to get toxic. I found that because I was spending so much time with her I couldn’t keep up the act at home anymore. I loved her too much. I started lashing out at Yeri and my mom,” he said. “And a few years back I decided to move to Seoul so it was the perfect excuse to stop seeing her. It went on too long though.”

“How did she react?”

“Take a guess,” he said with a bitter laugh. “She hated me for it. She was so upset I think her hair turned red.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Have you spoken to her since?”

“Nope. And I don’t plan to,” he said. “She liked me because we were the same. But I don’t want to be the person I was with her.”

“It’s okay to want to be better,” I said. “Even if it feels fake at first.”

He peeked at me. “You think so?”

I nodded. “Yeah. And for the record, I believe in you,” I said, but as the words came out they tasted acrid. Those simple words conjured too many thoughts that sent me spiraling. “Everything is grey. You’re not just good or bad.”

He smiled softly and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, leaning the both of us back against the bench. “I hope you’re right.”

I hoped so too…

The rest of the week crawled along. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell Jimin about Hyerim and Taehyung, and the thought of seeing him on Saturday after dodging his texts for a week made me nervous. I didn’t want to cause waves and I certainly didn’t want to distance the boys from each other. I didn’t want to see our group separated into camps again. Even if that meant I had to carry the burden of what I saw with only Haewon to help.

Nonetheless, Saturday rolled around and after having a weekend off from working with the band, I welcomed the early night’s sleep. However, bright and early on Saturday morning there was a knock at my bedroom door. The knocking continued and as I returned to consciousness I realized it was more of a pound than anything.

I groggily slipped out of bed, grabbing a blanket from atop my dresser and slipping it over my shoulders. Eyes half-shut, I opened my door and saw the outline of an angry Jimin in the doorway, Yuna standing behind him brushing her teeth with a shrug. 

“I knew it!” he shouted, grabbing my blanketed elbow and leading me out into the living room. “I texted you about this, like, yesterday!” 

“Texted me about what?” I mumbled as he shook my arm, attempting to fully rouse me from sleep.

“About my mom! She wants us to go to my grandma’s house to help make kimchi instead of coming home. She’s already there,” he said.

“Doesn’t she usually make kimchi after Chuseok?” I asked, furrowing my brow at him.

He sighed and crossed his arms. “Yes. Which was last week.”

I blinked at him. Having avoided my parents for so long, I’d forgotten about family holidays like Chuseok. I scratched my head and nodded. “Okay. So?”

“So you know they live out in Busan and we’ve got a train to catch,” he said.

I rubbed my eyes and stared at him. “What?”

“Jesus Christ, wake up!” he said, waving his hands in my face. “We’re going to Busan to help my grandparents with kimchi,” he said, then thought a moment. “And some small house renovations.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal,” I whined.

He shrugged. “I don’t make the rules. Now lets get going, sister,” he said.

I groaned as he shoved me by the back into the bathroom where Haewon was applying makeup quietly. “Oh! What’s going on?” she asked.

“Kimchi,” I mumbled.

“This early?”

Jimin sighed behind me. “We’re going to Busan to visit my grandparents.”

“Oh! Well have fun,” said Haewon as she slid from the bathroom, casting me a worried glance over Jimin’s shoulder.

At least someone worried about me. Although, to be fair, I was a bit relieved that my parents no longer had the excuse of proximity to demand I come home. I mouthed the words help me before Jimin shut the door, rolling his eyes and leaving me to get ready. Although with his shouting at me through the door like a drill sergeant, he never really left me at all.

“Can’t you smell the ocean?” called Jimin as we hopped off the bus. He grinned at me over his shoulder. The bus had deposited us downtown amidst a sea of tall buildings touching the perfect blue sky. If I squinted, I could see a dot of ocean through the gaps.

I laughed. “We’re in the city, Jimin. The ocean isn’t here.”

“It’s closer than we were before,” he said with a pout, turning on his heel to give me a wide smile. He tightened his scarf and nodded his head towards the parking lot. “Mom’s waiting over there.”

I smiled and followed behind him as we approached a familiar white sedan. Inside, his mother was seated, smiling gently. As always, she was happy and as always her hair was restrained in a loose braid. My mother used to make comments about her seeming ‘sloppy,’ but as I looked at her in the car I saw nothing but joy. Perhaps my parents ought to be a little more sloppy like her��

“Hello Mrs. Park,” I said as she exited the car to give me a sweeping hug.

She laughed and released me to take a good look. “My,” she said, touching her cheek. “You’ve grown!”

I nodded. “It’s been over a year,” I said. “I’ve missed you.”

She pouted, much like her son, and pulled me into a hug once again. “Well, come visit more than once a year and you won’t have to,” she said.

I laughed. “I promise I will.”

She grinned and opened the passenger door for me, forcing Jimin into the back seat. We began our short drive to Jimin’s grandparents’ house. I’d visited once or twice before, but Jimin had begun a campaign at the end of high school to teach his grandparents how to use Skype and often times I would sit with him and chat after school. Much like Jimin himself, his grandparents were gentle and kind.

We arrived at their home in the midmorning. I’d forgotten how traditional the place was, with exposed wood and beds you had to pull from closets and set out on the floor and sliding paper-thin doors. Outside on the deck his grandparents sat hunched over a plastic pool full of kimchi paste, swirling it around with gloved hands as they awaited our arrival. Sitting in several tubs beside the many potted plants on the deck were heads and heads of napa cabbage, withered from having been soaked in salt water for hours.

His grandparents stood and smiled, waving us over. They spared no time in saying hello, simply handing me a head of cabbage and sitting beside me at the edge of the plastic pool.

“Oh, Jimin!” complained his grandmother. “You’re too thin. You look like you’ll fall over soon.”

Jimin’s grandfather huffed and nodded as his mother settled on my left side. “Seoul is making you skinny,” he said gruffly.

Jimin sighed and shook his head, rolling up the sleeves of his grey sweater. “I’m fine! I eat plenty. Right, Y/N?” asked Jimin from my right side, widening his eyes and attempting to communicate with me.

I hummed. “Huh? Oh, well I remember you saying last week that you only ate a bowl of rice and a pice of kale all day,” I teased, pursing my lips in thought.

“She’s lying!” called Jimin, turning to his grandparents who were by then were casting him concerned glances, lingering on his forearms as they laid exposed. Served him right for barging in so early.

He shoved my arm as Mrs. Park chuckled. “He’s eating fine, Mom,” she said softly.

His grandmother smiled at me as we all began painting each cabbage leaf with kimchi paste. “Y/N, you’re growing into such a pretty young lady,” she commented.

I flushed and shook my head. “Oh, no,” I said with a laugh. “Thank you.”

“Jimin, why haven’t you been dating?” scolded his grandmother with a tsk. “You’ll only be young and handsome for a little while.”

“Soon you’ll look like me,” joked his grandfather with a gravelly laugh.

Jimin looked at me and sighed. “Y/N scares all the girls away,” he said woefully. “Every time I start to date, she gets jealous. She just wants to keep me all to her-,”

I interrupted him by shoving a marinated leaf in his mouth. “Good right?” I asked with a smile as he bean chewing. He nodded eagerly.

“Oh, but Y/N don’t you have a boyfriend? I would figure you would,” said his grandmother, still focused on the kimchi.

I shook my head. “Not at all,” I said. “Although I am seeing someone right now.”

“Oh!” called his grandmother with a smile. “See, Jiminie? Why don’t you find a nice girl to date.”

Jimin sighed, tilting his head to the side. I was sure he’d been nagged to death about dating. I felt bad for him whenever the subject came up around his family. It seemed his preferences were hard to put to words, especially to his grandparents: the fact that it wasn’t just a nice girl he was looking for, but rather simply a nice person. I knew he’d never tried to explain it to them before as he had explained it to me many times. I watched his posture go slightly hunched, recoiling into himself just so.

I smiled at his grandparents. “Your home is just as beautiful as I remember,” I commented, slathering a leaf with paste.

His grandfather laughed and shook his head. “It’s falling apart, you know,” he said with a sigh. “I’m glad you kids are here today to help out. The old furniture is just too heavy to move on my own anymore.”

I nodded. “I’m just glad to be able to help,” I said with a smile.

He returned it. “Oh, Dad you missed the backside of that one,” said Mrs. Park, grabbing for her father’s head of cabbage across the plastic pool. “Ah, you missed here and here too,” she mumbled.

He shrugged. “It’s too much work for me,” he said lowly.

His grandmother sighed at him and gave his chest a firm hit. “You’re lazy! Aren’t you the one always complaining that I’m not meticulous enough?” she asked, and the two commenced bickering.

Conversation followed the lead of the grandparents as they seized their nagging of Jimin in lieu of nagging one another. Jimin peeked at me out the corner of his eye and smiled softly, tilting his head downwards in a nod. I nodded back and focused again on the kimchi.

“Ah, aren’t you cold dear?” asked Jimin’s grandmother as I rested inside the house, taking large sips of water in the kitchen.

I glanced down at my attire. In my haste, I’d only grabbed a long-sleeved shirt and some tight, cozy jeans. I’d worn a heavy jacket, but kimchi-making made it nearly impossible to keep the thing on. 

I shook my head. “Oh no,” I said with a smile. “I’m fine.”

“Nonsense,” said the small, grey-haired woman with a frown. “Let me get you a sweater to wear.”

“No, it’s really okay! I’m comfortable,” I called after her as she left the kitchen, but as my words left her back had already disappeared down the hallway. I sighed in her wake.

Jimin came inside from the deck and wiped his forehead carefully, his hands still gloved and spicy. “Oh, hey,” he said, smiling. “Can I have some?”

I nodded and tilted the glass against his lips, letting him have a sip. I held a hand beneath the lip of the glass so any drips wouldn’t land on the ground, and as I guided the water down his throat his grandmother returned with a big, baggy knit sweatshirt. She paused as she glanced at us, wide-eyed, before placing the sweater down on the kitchen table with a smile and a nod. I stared wide-eyed after her as she walked back outside into the afternoon sun and gaped at Jimin who, similar to me, wore an expression of utter shock.

“She’s gonna think-,” he began.

“She already does,” I said, shaking my head.

He groaned. “Why do they always do this?”

I let my expression soften as I set the glass of water on the counter with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Jimin.”

He shrugged. “Its not a big deal,” he said, glancing at me with a soft smile. “I could be paired with someone worse. Like Hyerim.”

I laughed and nodded. “That’s a good attitude,” I said, then felt my smile slip as I remembered what had happened a week prior. 

He leaned back against the counter, pulling his rubber gloves off and tossing them into the sink. “Hey,” he said. “You’ve got something on your mind.”

I joined him and shook my head. “Not really.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yeah.”

“So?”

I turned to him, saw the way his eyes beseeched me, and my resolve crumbled. “Taehyung and Hyerim hooked up at the party last weekend,” I blurted before I could stop myself. I didn’t want to polarize the group. I didn’t want to make things more complicated.

But I couldn’t keep it in forever. Not from Jimin.

His jaw dropped slightly as he stared down at me, eyes round and face slack. “He…what?”

I chuckled and nodded. “Mhm,” I said. “I guess even when I’m over him I’m not over him.”

He shook his head. “Excuse me, he what?”

“He did what he always does,” I said. “Something careless.”

Jimin set his eyes hard and looked at me, suddenly serious. “Y/N, that’s extremely fucked up.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t get so mad at him in high school because I figured it was just a fling and he was going through a hard time, but now is different,” he said. 

I nodded. “I know.”

“Your relationship is really fragile,” he said, then scoffed. “This isn’t just a mistake, Y/N. This is a monumental fuck-up.”

I nodded once more. “I know.”

“I mean-,” he began, raking his fingers through his hair with a disbelieving laugh. “I mean really! Really, how could he do that? And you caught him?” he asked, shaking his head at me.

“Yeah. Out on the balcony of all places,” I said with a laugh.

He rolled his eyes. “If he doesn’t make this right he’s dead to me.”

“Jimin,” I said, warning in my tone. “You know he’s got a lot going on. If everyone he cares about abandons him when he messes up then it’s validating all the shitty things he thinks about himself.”

“Well maybe he’s right then!” he shouted, then settled down as he glanced around his grandparents’ empty kitchen. “Maybe he really is all of those shitty things.”

I shook my head. “Jimin,” I said. “He’s not.”

He groaned and continued running his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “He’s unbelievable. Like, this whole thing is unbelievable.”

“Yup,” I said with a shrug. “I’m trying to get over it.”

“It’s clearly not working,” he said. “God, is this why you’ve been avoiding my texts and calls? Because you didn’t wanna tattle on him?”

“Tattle is a bit-,”

“Jesus,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m gonna kill him. I’m really gonna wring his neck.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder and he turned quick to me, eyes wild. “Jimin, please calm down,” I said.

He stared at me for a long moment, scanning my face, before he sighed and nodded. “Fine,” he said. “But for you. Not for him.”

“He’s your best friend,” I said. “Don’t make this into a battle. It’s not me versus him.”

“It should be,” he said. 

“No it shouldn’t. I don’t want you to choose between your friends,” I said. “I never wanted that. That’s why I never told you about my feelings before. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you now.”

He rolled his eyes. “You know I’m all talk, Y/N,” he said. “As much as I hate him right now, he’s still my best friend. You two were there for me during the hardest times in my life. That doesn’t just go away.”

“But…?” I hedged, sensing that his speech wasn’t finished.

“But,” he began. “I’m really disappointed in him. Like, more than ever before.”

“I know,” I said softly, glancing towards the lightwood floor.

He gave my head a pat. “Explains why he’s been so gloomy around the apartment lately.”

“He has?”

“Like a dead person honestly,” he said with a sigh. “Which is why I invited him to come to Busan too.”

I stiffened and looked at him. “Excuse me?”

Jimin winced away from me. “I’m sorry!” he called, raising his hands in prayer and bending at the waist to stand shorter than me. “You guys were doing really well and I thought it would be a good bonding time! Since the three of us haven’t gotten together like this in forever!”

I stared down at him, face and neck hot from the very idea of seeing him. Sure, I could talk big about forgiveness and dichotomies, but I sure as hell wasn’t ready to be around him yet. “Jimin…”

“I’m sorry!” he shouted again, bowing to me. “I really didn’t know! I’m so sorry!”

“Wait…why didn’t he come with us then?” I asked, hope swelling in my chest that perhaps he couldn’t make it.

Jimin shook his head and stood upright, brows knit pitifully as he pouted. “He had to work on some lyrics with Namjoon this morning so he was gonna grab the bus then catch a cab so he could come by in the afternoon.”

“Jimin,” I said slowly, eyes finding the window which looked out onto the serene deck where his family worked. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s afternoon.”

“Yeah…”

I sighed and walked past him, out onto the back deck that overlooked the mountains as the sun colored them gold. It was so beautiful out here, so quiet. But my heart was thundering louder than ever as I stepped out onto the deck to find Jimin’s grandparents still huddled before the plastic pool, but Mrs. Park was suspiciously absent. I rubbed my face as stress settled in and turned towards the gate leading out to the street. I saw Mrs. Park’s back as she spoke to someone exiting a stout cab.

I saw his dark hair first, and then his dark eyes, and then the dark circled beneath his dark eyes. His skin was sallow and his smile was faint as he gave Mrs. Park a quick hug. He was dressed in all blacks and greys, his sweater falling off one slim shoulder. Had he lost weight? He grabbed his luggage from the back of the cab and walked through the gate beside Mrs. Park. Slowly, he came closer and closer until finally-

He looked up. 

We locked eyes and I felt myself spinning. I saw so many things in those eyes, so many innumerable memories. I saw the boy who blotted out the sun on a trampoline when we were kids. I saw the kid who splashed chlorinated water into my eyes, causing them to sting for hours, at the public pool. I saw the boy who looked so handsome in a suit at our middle school graduation. I saw the young man who held my hand on the top of a hill in the middle of the night as we gazed at Saturn. I saw the guy at a party on a breezy balcony, pleading with me not to leave.

Standing in front of me for the first time in a week was Kim Taehyung.

[moonie-here]

Shaken to the Core-Chapter 1

Fandom: Thomas Sanders/Sander Sides

Summery: Logan and Roman make a mistake with deadly consequences. Can Patton right their wrong before Virgil is gone forever?

Warnings: Angst. Crying. Non-descriptive body horror. General sad feeling. Slight physical fighting.

Pairings: Platonic Moxiety

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874427

{°°°}

The cracks first appeared he was alone.

Virgil was sitting on his bed drawing and listening to My Chemical Romance when he felt it.

It was as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to his ribs and mercilessly beating him with it. A scream of pain wracked it’s way up his throat, but was muffled by the sleeve of his hoodie as he threw his hand over his mouth.

Oh god oh god ohgodohgodohgod.

He crawled off of his bed over to the mirror on his wall, small sobs coming from his lips  even with his hand over his mouth as he worked his way over slowly to the mirror.

He took a minute to gain focus and work past the pain before yanking his hoodie off and lifting up his shirt.

When he saw what was there a much louder sob pushed from between his lips.

Cracks.

Starting at his left hip slowly working their way up his abdomen and onto his chest. Something that looked like oil and blood dripped slowly from the newly formed crevices in his skin. Bruises were forming around the edges in shades of black, blue and yellow.

He let his shirt slip from his fingers and sat back on his knees. He finally caught his own reflections eye in the mirror. His makeup was smeared down his red puffy cheeks and exposed the heavy, purple bags under his eyes. His hair was messy from where he had grabbed his head in a state of panic. He looked like shit. He felt like it too.

“So this is how I go huh?” He whispered to the empty room.

...

“Not surprised.”

{°°°}

He figured out pretty quickly what was happening. Patton would avoid eye contact, Roman didn't talk to him and Logan would freeze every time he entered the room.

They didn't tell him. He didn't expect them to. It was supposed to be a secret between the three of them anyway. Why make it awkward?

Oh hey, by the way, I totally know you got Thomas is to take anxiety medication. Yeah, also it's totally gonna kill me. Anyway how's your day been?

Not happening.

Whenever he felt the cracks worsen he simply shut himself in his bathroom for as long as it took for it to stop and to clean himself up. The blood-oil stuff was a mess to clean up so he stopped trying to clean the bathroom after every “attack”. It was gross but at this point he didn't care. He was dying after all.

This happened consistently for a week before it really got worse. The cracks spread rapidly and Virgil spent most of his time in his bathroom, which was now covered in a layer of black sludge. He left only if he knew nothing was going to happen, which was almost never at this point. And despite the fact that Pat had tried to talk to him consistently over the last two weeks he felt...so alone.

{°°°}

Patton missed Virgil. Ever since Logan came to him and Roman with the idea of medication he felt...iky. Roman had been on board right away but Patton wanted to ask Virgil about it and the others wouldn't let him.

He felt wrong. Virgil was his best friend and he hated lying. He had rarely seen Virgil since this entire thing started and when he did Virgil looked on the brink of death. It had been two weeks since they had they had a proper conversation and oh, he just wanted to hug his son right now. He wanted to help Virge with whatever was going on and see if the pills had done anything bad.

Patton was curled up in his bed debating on going to tell Virgil what was going on. He’d tried to check on the other side before but Virge had always turned him away saying “I’m fine,” or “I’m just tired.”

In fact Patton was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he only snapped out when a violent, hysterical scream pierced through the tense air of the mind scape.

He shot straight up, throwing his quilt and several stuffed animals off of his bed. He swung his door open and rushed into the hall looking around widely until another scream pierced it's way into his brain.

His stomach sank.

The scream came from Virgil’s room.

{°°°}

Virgil felt it coming. After about two weeks he could feel it before it hit, like someone would just start slowly squeezing his kidney until pain took over his entire body. The cracks almost covered his body now. Up to his collarbone, forearms and ankles.

This one was different though. He could tell. His stomach twisted differently and his hands shook more than usual. The throbbing all over his body was more intense as well.

This was gonna be the last one.He felt tears gather in the corner of his eyes as he walked shakily from the bathroom to the desk in his room. He didn't want to sit down but his legs were giving out.

He slumped into the chair and pulled out a new sheet of lined paper and his favorite pen. He couldn't figure out what to write to the others. He wanted to say goodbye but he wasn't good at all this mushy stuff.

Fuck it.

He poured out everything he was thinking onto the paper until he had to flip it over for more room. Halfway down the second side the pain hit full force.

He tried to push up to make it to the bathroom but ended up falling onto the the floor, chair toppling right alongside him.

The pain was so much at once. It tore through him. Literally. He couldn't breath, he could barely think. He wanted it to end.

Make it stop oh god oh god please helpme helpme helpme i should have told them i dont wanna die please stop it it hurts

Tears ran down his face as he curled into a ball. He clenched his jacket’s sleeves looking for some release but all he felt was his fingers cracking and slipping on the weird sludge that was now soaking the fabric. He felt a scream claw its way up his throat.

…

Hands.

Hands were on him. Pulling his own fingers from where he clenched the hoodie till it tore. Someone was crying and holding him. Pushing his bangs from his forehead, as he felt tears land on his face. The person was singing to him with shuddering breaths. He wish he knew who it was. He couldn't sort out any real thought and his body was thrashing out of his control, jerking violently in every direction.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear how much i’ll love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

Patton?

Virgil open his mouth to talk, only to start hacking up black sludge. The taste of mud and iron worked its way up his throat and passed his lips. I can't breathe!

The coughing, pain and cracking went on for what felt like hours. The presence of two others appeared by his side only to be pushed back by what he assumed was Patton. It took all of his strength but he managed to pull his eyelids apart. He locked eyes with Pat.

“V-virgil? Kiddo-o you with-th me?”

“Virgil, what caused this?” Virgil’s eyes flickered towards the voice even when his body jerked away, curling further into Patton’s arms.

“Not now Logan.” He looked back at Patton who was glaring at who he gathered was the logical side. Patton looked…. Scary. His eyes were red and watery but looked as if they were shooting daggers to kill someone. His entire face a bright pink in the non-blushy way. Sadness? Anger? This wasn't Pat.

He coughed again and all attention was back on him. He whimpered “P-patn?”

“Im here kiddo. Im right here…”

“Hurts...make it stop?”

He felt fingers run through his hair. “Yeah I know kiddo. I’m not sure I can make it stop, but i'm damn well gonna try.”

“I-I think ima die?”

The hand froze and three people sucked in at the same time.

“No. You're not gonna die Virgil. You're my best friend and im not letting you die.”

“I can feel it… I don't wanna die Pat.” His fists worked their way into his polo. “Don't let me die.”

Tears. Everything was blurry as tears ushered down his cheeks making tracks through the black goop that strained his face. He let loose a few strangled gasps as he felt himself crumble.

“NO! COME ON VIRGIL PLEASE! I-I cant l-loose you…”

“M’sorry Pat….”

{°°°}

Patton’s arms were empty now. They had been for an hour. At least what he thought was an hour. He didn't know anymore. He didn't care. His best friend died in his arms and he did nothing but cry.

When Virgil passed it was messy. A mix of dust and black sludge were pooled around him staining everything it touched. The only thing left was Virgil’s hoodie, which Patton had clutched in his closed fists. Logan and Roman were still standing in the doorway where Patton had kept them. He still didn't let them close. When Patton finally moved from his kneeling position, two hours and thirty-seven minutes later, he fell onto the edge of Virgil’s bed smearing black onto the mussed up sheets.

Logan spoke, breaking the silence. “Patton. We... we should clean this up.”

Pat looked up at him from the hoodie in his grip. Mouth opening and closing a few times before he found his voice. “No.”

“Pat this is hard for all if us but surely we cant-” Roman was cut of when a fist connected with the side of his face.

“Patton!” Logan yelled as Princey fell to the floor with a thud.

“NO LOGAN…” He yelled spinning to face the logical trait, and grabbing by his collar. “MY BEST FRIEND JUST DIED IN MY ARMS AND YOU BOTH ACT LIKE IT’S NOTHING!” He spat it out as if it was the most disgusting thing ever to touch his tongue.

Tears threatened to spill from Patton's eyes as he stared Logan down.

“He’s gone…

And it’s because of his own family….”

Pat let go of his shirt, arms swinging to his sides. A sob broke through his lips as he sank to the floor once more, curling up into a tight ball. His whole body shook as he cried loudly into Virgil’s hoodie.

Roman looked on in disbelief. Patton hadn't cried like this ever...not even when Thomas got dumped.

Bile rose in his own throat as he looked over the moral side. He threw his hand over his mouth in order to keep it down. Tears spilled down his own cheeks as he looked up at Logan.

His eyes widened when he saw red blotchy cheeks and shaking shoulders.

“What did we do?” He heard Logan whisper.

“Oh god what did we do…?”

@pattson @anxious-ball-of-sunshine @my-happy-little-bean @ironwoman359 @mirror2thespirit @shadow-walker-1201 @thecrimsoncodex (suffer with me)

[in-love-and-jeph]

💫 and uhhhhh playride and/or ned/conor

this was a bit longer than I wanted it to be also whoops it’s more friendship than actually shippy

Conor/Ned: Handsome Devil (2016)Buying Time: Great Big Sea

ao3 link

Ned woke up in the wee hours of the morning, pissed that he was going to be shuffling through the day like a zombie, when his internal train of complaints were stopped. Conor’s bed was empty. Now, if Ned had woken at a normal time, this wouldn’t be too concerning. Rugby practices often started before Ned got up. But, it was 5:30 in the morning. Conor was never gone this early. A small flash a panic hit him, but he pushed it down, choosing to look around for Conor before immediately turning to the dean. He might’ve just gone to the bathroom! Yeah. The bathroom. Ned’s thoughts slowed down to just a steady stream, and he sat down at his desk, sitting in the chair sideways so he was facing the door. He looked over at Conor’s desk, and noticed a note taped to the blank wall above the desk. He got up and ripped it off the wall. It read, “Couldn’t sleep. Didn’t run off. Don’t worry.” Ned let himself breathe for a minute, before deciding to go look for his friend. Tugging on his boots, he threw on a jacket and checked that his phone was in his back pocket, then left the room. For a minute, he contemplated just calling Conor, but he noticed Conor’s phone was still plugged in on his desk, so it would be fruitless.

It was a chilly morning. Dew was forming on the tips of the deep green grass, and the chill of the winter was only just leaving the air. The rising sun cast a pink and yellow glow on everything it touch, and the birds were only just starting to titter. Ned found Conor on the very edge of the school property, facing the rickety wooden fence and watching the cows on the other side graze. Ned sat down next to him, shelving the thought that his pants would be disgusting by the end of this in the depths of his mind for later. He leaned over and put his head on Conor’s shoulder and they stayed like that for a few minutes, watching the cows and feeling the rising sun beat down gently on their backs. After a while, Ned asked, “You okay?”

Conor took a deep breath in before responding. “I’m… I don’t know. My head is all mixed up. Nothing feels quite right.”

Ned sat upright and looked at Conor. He looked like a bloody disaster, his hair was a mess, limp and everywhere, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, like he’d been crying, and his jaw was set in the way that Ned could tell meant something was bothering him. “Whatever it is, d’ya wanna talk about it?” Ned asked. Alarm bells went off in his head. He had no idea what to do, it’s not like you’re taught how to deal with emotional turmoil, especially someone else’s, but it wasn’t like he could just leave Conor to deal with it. He was stuck at a weird crossroads, where he wanted to run away as fast as he could, but something inexplicable was keeping him there.

“ Inexplicable? ” The voice in his head jeered. “ Inexplicable, my ass. You know exactly what’s keeping you there. ” But Ned shut it down fast before it could get him to do anything stupid.

Lucky for Ned, Conor just sighed. “No, not right now. I… I think I just want to go back to our room.”

At the words ‘our room’, shivers ran down Ned’s spine. But he ignored it, just chalking it up to the chill in the air. “Good,” he replied, “‘Cause it’s fuckin’ freezin’ out here.”

In the next few days, Ned watched from afar as Conor seemed to disintegrate. But when Conor stopped going to class and practice, Ned took it upon himself to drag the issue out of him so they could at least deal with it. Watching Conor suffer silently like this hurt him more than he liked to admit.

So the next morning, Ned woke up to his alarm blaring at 7 am, and instead of turning it off, he let it scream on. He got up and made sure to be as loud as possible, and yanked open the blinds. Conor woke up, blinking, and obviously upset. “Ned, what the fuck?” He asked incredulously. “Well, Conny-boy, you’ve been sulking for the past week and-” Ned bent down in a squat next to Conor’s bed so they were at eye level. “We need to fix that.”

Conor just glared at him, so he muttered, “Fine,” and tried to pull Conor out of bed. He landed flat on his ass, and Conor was still lying comfortably in bed, although now he was smiling.

“Nice try,” Conor said. “You want to have another go?”

“Aw, fuck you,” was all Ned had to say in response. He glared at Conor, before remembering why he was doing this and softening his stare. “Please, Con. To be quite honest, I’m really worried about you.” He nearly wanted to gag at the words that had just come out of his mouth. That was so sappy! This was really weird. He never acted like this before. The part of his mind he liked to ignore wondered if it was all because of Conor.

Conor shot him an angry glare and rolled over so he was facing the wall.

“Dammit, Conor!” Ned exclaimed. “I’m just tryin’ to help you.”

“Fuck off,” came the mumbled reply.

Ned felt like slamming his head into the wall. He stood up and flung his hands up to his face. “Conor, you’re not making this easy,” he said in a warning tone, “What, is it O’Keefe? That fucker is a dick. Is Weasel acting up again? ‘Cause you can easily put him in his place. You know that, you’ve done it before. Oh—or is it your dad?” Ned knew he was right when Conor buried himself further into his sheets. “Come on, what did he do this time? Whatever it is, you still have to function, you can’t let him get to you, he doesn’t deserve even that-”

“Ned.” Conor cut him off mid-sentence. “Please… just go. I know all this already and I just have to… I just have to think.”

He sounded so defeated that Ned just stalled. “Uh.” he stuttered. “Yeah. Okay.” He turned to leave for breakfast, before remembering something. “One thing—Please remember to eat. Don’t think I haven’t noticed, you haven’t left the dorm at all. This isn’t healthy.”

Conor waiting for the door to shut before flopping onto his back again. Ned was right, and he knew it. He’d been telling himself all the same things since he’d gotten the call but it was like something was broken. He just couldn’t do, well, anything. He felt like shit, he smelled like shit, and he knew he looked like shit. He was putting himself through a hell of his own making, and it felt like there was nothing he could do about it, though he knew logically that he had all the power. “Fuck!” he mumbled, and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop hot, angry tears from falling. His stomach hurt and his mouth was bone dry, and he felt disgusting all around, but he just couldn’t bring himself to get up. He stayed there for about a half hour longer, his pillow damp from the tears, and after the half hour he had made up his mind. He won’t stand for this bullshit. Not his own, not his parents’, not the school’s. And, he was going to take a goddamned shower if it killed him. After about 5 minutes, he had made it to the showers, which were (thankfully) empty since all the students were in class. He took one of the longest showers of his life, standing under the spray until it turned cold and he felt like his legs were going to give out under him. But he did it, he brushed his teeth, and he put on a new set of clothes. He got back to his dorm and he felt triumphant, like he had actually accomplished him. He sat down at his desk, and suddenly felt utterly exhausted, more tired than he had ever been before. His feelings of accomplishment were quickly washed away by the return of the feeling of utter uselessness. Conor felt like he could cry again. He grabbed his phone off the desk and sent a quick text to Ned.

could u bring me like toast or smth

im finally out of bed ud be proud

God, why did everything have to fucking drain him? He just wanted to be back to normal. His phone dinged, as Ned replied.

congrats

welcome back to the land of the living

Conor could vividly see the smirk Ned must be wearing. What an arse. Conor smiled softly to himself. Ned might be an arse, but Conor may or may not love it.

Ned returned an hour later, with a muffin and a bottle of water. In the time in between, Conor had stripped his bed for the first time that month.

“Wow, you’re even gonna do laundry?” Ned commented.

“Yeah, it’s gross at this point.”

“No fucking kidding!” Ned leaned over and sniffed Conor’s hair. “Oh, shit, you showered too?”

“Yes,” Conor snapped back, grabbing the muffin and water from Ned’s outstretched hand. “Fuck off, I’m still human.”

“You weren’t acting like it,” Ned mumbled under his breath.

Conor shot Ned an incredulous look. “Did you really think I couldn’t hear that?”

Ned only cocked an eyebrow in a skeptical look as a response. Yeah, Ned was definitely an arse. But for some reason, talking and joking with him like this made Conor feel better than he had in the past few weeks.

“Feelin’ better?” Ned asked in a soft tone, nodding towards the muffin that had a few bites taken out of it.

Conor’s eyes met Ned’s, and he couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. Yeah, a lot better.”

[amillionsmiles]

like we’re made of starlight (Peter/Lara Jean)

Summary: “Lara Jean, you’re a person before anything else.  I stopped having a perfect image of you in my head a long time ago.” / Peter and Lara Jean go camping in December to catch the Geminids.  Oneshot. A/N: squeaking by and getting this in before the new year, whoo!  belated bday fic for @adribug .  I’m a little rusty writing for these two but I hope you enjoy some couple fluff >.<

[Read and review here] or continue under the cut.

I have this theory about love.

It involves layers—so that a relationship might have its gooey childhood phase, and then its teenage years, and if you're lucky you eventually get to the sweet, solid outer coating of an adult kind of love.

"Like an onion," Peter says, the first time I bring this up.

I frown. "I was thinking more like… candy. Like a tootsie pop. Or…" I look out the window, to where the dense green forest blurs by, a solid backdrop behind the other cars whizzing down the highway. "Or tree rings. So if you sliced a relationship, you'd be able to see its stages of growth. And the deeper the feelings, the wider the ring. Or maybe width should be determined by the length of time…" I'm puzzling through the specifics of my metaphor now, wondering what my relationship with Peter would look like, if it were documented in tree rings.

"Like that lab we did in environmental science," Peter says, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

I feel a bit bad that he's driving, especially since he already drove four hours to pick me up from school. "Y'all are gross," my friend Marcie said when we found him waiting at the Old Well. Marcie's like that. I introduced her to Peter the first time he came to visit, back in early October; she gave him a hard time then, but I could tell it was because she was testing him. By the end of the day, he'd definitely passed.

Today, we spent some time walking around so Peter could stretch his legs and eat a late lunch, and then it was back in the car. There's supposed to be a big meteor shower tonight—the Geminids—and Peter and I thought it'd be fun to actually camp out to see them, in the woods with a tent and everything. We made reservations at Jones Lake State Park, which is about two hours away. I couldn't have planned it more perfectly; our schedules are both wide open because of Reading Day, though I still have two finals coming up later this week, and Peter has one.

I offered to drive, but Peter had to take the van in order to fit our camping gear, and I'm not as good at handling bigger cars. I make up for it by feeding Peter bites of the special sandwiches I prepared: muffaleta with an olive-oregano-onion mix, pepperoni, prosciutto, and provolone. As Peter pulls away, chewing, several crumbs stick to the corner of his mouth.

"So where are we in all of this?" he asks.

"What?"

"You said there was teenage love and then there was 'adult love.' Which one are we?"

I consider. We're both technically adults, in the barest sense of the word, and I can see how a semester at college has already changed us. College Peter has gotten more muscular from all his lacrosse practice. He moves with less swagger—not in a bad way, but as if he doesn't have as much to compensate for. It's a quieter kind of confidence, which I like.

But then, of course, there are all the ways that College Peter is exactly the same. He still calls me at night, right before either of us falls asleep. He still smells like Dove soap, the soft, clean boy-scent I've come to associate with comfort, and he still makes my heart beat fast when he looks over with that crooked smile of his, the light from the dying sun catching in his eyes.

I tap a finger against my lips and smile back, considering.

"I'm still figuring out," I say.

*.*.*.*

We get to the park an hour before closing.

Loose sticks and gravel crunch under our tires as we pull into our campsite. I'm out of the car as soon as Peter parks, marveling at our view.

"Peter, look, isn't it gorgeous?" We're right by the shore of the lake; in front of me stretch the placid waters, like a mirror of the sky. The surface is so still it looks like glass—I feel like if I throw a pebble at it, I'll shatter something.

Peter grunts as he starts to unload our equipment. I hurry to help him. The food takes some time to get organized. Even though it's just the two of us, I wanted the full experience, so I bought all the ingredients for s'mores. Then there are the sandwiches I made for us to eat for dinner, with plenty of extras because I know Peter will get hungry. Finally, the burritos I prepared for breakfast tomorrow, wrapped neatly in foil so that we can just heat them over the fire.

The tent takes a little more work, but we get it finished in time to watch the sunset. The meteors aren't expected to become visible until 7:30 PM, and they probably won't be at their peak until well past that, so Peter and I entertain ourselves with a puzzle and a deck of cards. I've recently started watching magic tricks on YouTube and figure that Peter's a good a person to try them out on, mostly because I know how to distract him.

All in all, things are going well, up until I need to use the restroom and remember that we're in the middle of nowhere.

When I bring this up, Peter looks unconcerned. "Just go in the woods, Lara Jean, haven't you ever been camping before?"

"Of course I have!" Twice. "But it's all dark and cold outside, and the trees are too far apart. I'll feel exposed."

"There's nobody around. And you'll be out in the open for five minutes, tops."

"Easy for you to say, you're a boy. You can just—" I pantomime the motion with my hands, which makes Peter redden slightly. His eyes dart around the tent, looking anywhere but at my face. After a beat, he heaves a sigh and gets to his feet, grabbing his fleecy orange and blue Cavaliers blanket.

"What are you doing?" I stare at him blankly.

Peter stares right back. "Coming with you. I'll hold up the blanket as a screen so you can do your…" he gestures aimlessly, "…business."

"Oh." My voice goes small. "Well, that's okay—"

Too late. Peter has a hand on the small of my back now and uses it to usher me out of the tent. I barely manage to grab the bag of wet wipes before we're both out in the cold, tucking our chins against our necks and hunching over to keep warm. Peter sets the pace; meanwhile, I stumble after him with the flashlight, casting a wobbly yellow beam on the ground in front of us.

Camping out in a cozy tent under the stars in order to catch a meteor shower? Romantic. Having your boyfriend accompany you into the woods so that you don't have to pee alone in the dark? Admittedly less so.

"Is this good?" Peter stops and looks back at me, gesturing toward a copse of trees. If I squint, I can make out the light of our campfire in the distance, but we're far enough away that if I shut off the flashlight we'll be plunged into relative darkness. I do that now, handing over the flashlight to Peter and fumbling blindly with all my layers. Margot taught me that it helps to find a thin tree trunk to hold onto for balance—then you can sit back just like you'd do at home.

Behind me, there's a rustle: Peter holding up his makeshift blanket-screen.

"Don't look!" I hiss.

"I can't see anything to begin with," Peter argues, but I know he probably has his eyes squeezed shut anyways. The air is biting cold against my skin, the woods eerily quiet, and I'm suddenly self-conscious. It's a weird feeling, to be made vulnerable by something so—mundane, as Margot would call it.

"Can you also, like—cover your ears?"

"Lara Jean," Peter says, and it's in his I'm trying very hard to be patient voice. "Look, you're a person before anything else. I stopped having a perfect image of you in my head a long time ago. Just pee."

I pause. "That's… actually really sweet, Peter."

"Always the tone of surprise," Peter grumbles, but I can tell he's pleased.

We know each other well, that way.

*.*.*.*

"Remember the poem you gave me junior year, for Valentine's Day?"

I say this with my ear pressed against Peter's chest, trying to hear his heartbeat through the puffy jacket he's wearing. From this angle, it's easy to pretend we're in a snowglobe—the sky seems to curve over us like a dome, the stars suspended like tiny flakes of glitter. Peter shifts to put his hand behind his head.

"The moon never beams without bringing me dreams / Of beautiful Lara Jean. / And stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes / of beautiful Lara Jean," he recites. "I'm still flattered that you thought I could come up with that, even for a second."

"It's not too late to start trying now," I say, batting my eyelashes at him.

Peter laughs. I like that I can feel the rumble of it right against my cheek, all warm and chocolatey. He's been fiddling with my hair—one of his fingers gets caught in a snag and he untangles it gently, the way Kitty taught him how. I file that gesture away. When I have a daughter, I'll tell her: it's important to be with someone who has careful hands.

"Maybe I'll take a creative writing class next semester," muses Peter. "And then I really will write you an actual poem."

"I'll keep it framed in my room if you do," I tell him seriously.

"Speaking of rooms, you never ended up helping me decorate mine, by the way. It needs some of your…" His hand flails. "Pizzazz."

I giggle. "Say that again."

"Pizzazz?"

"Cute." I pinch his cheek, which makes Peter roll his eyes. "What kind of vibe were you thinking?"

"I don't know." Peter's brow furrows. "Some string lights might be cool, for starters. I like the ones you have. Maybe not in pink, though."

"We can look through Pinterest together," I promise. "And then we'll go—oh, Peter, did you see that?"

"Yeah," Peter says, and then we're both pushing ourselves up on our elbows, craning our necks. More silver flashes streak across the sky, like the briefest glimpse of fish scales. A parade of meteors, of falling stars.

On the blanket, Peter's hand covers mine. He squeezes.

"Make a wish."

*.*.*.*

We go back inside the tent at around 2 AM. Cheeks numb from the cold, I immediately kick off my shoes and pull on an extra pair of socks before wriggling into my sleeping bag. Peter is close behind, already yawning, and as I turn to watch him, I realize that this is the first full night we're spending together, all by ourselves. No curfews, no one waiting for us to come home. I don't even know if Peter snores, which is a strange thing to think about, a piece of information you wouldn't expect to be missing after dating someone for almost three years—after knowing them for even longer.

And what if he does snore? What if it's so loud it keeps me awake all night so that I'm cranky and can't stand to look at his pretty-boy face in the morning? And what might he learn about me, up close?

"Go to sleep, Lara Jean." Peter grumbles, his eyes shut. "I can feel you looking at me."

Scoffing, I retort, "You like being looked at." And then I roll closer, so that we're almost nose to nose, our knees bumping gently against each other, swaddled in our sleeping bags.

Maybe this is the difference between teenage love and adult love. Shedding the mystery and the allure of nighttime for the promise of morning, when we'll be at our barest. The bad breath and the messy hair and the little annoyances; the wanting to be close in spite of it all. Or maybe it's all the same in the end, night bleeding into day, and I don't need any more theories when I have the real deal right here, sleeping soft and slow. Waiting for me when I wake up.

I close my eyes.