#hope something okay was said in there
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it's okay to make mistakes
#this is an apology post from the character design thing i said i hope you guys forgive me#also kinda a vent art cus something else happened#danny phantom#dp fanart#danny phantom fanart#danny phantom art#maddie fenton#jazz fenton#fenton#danny fenton#fanart#acesjacket#aces-jacket#hugs#hug#hugging#family#its okay
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Small indie artists in need of support for moving out by September!
💜 These lovely folks [@QuinsCurse (they/them) & @sswitchblade03 (xe/xem and he/him)] are part of a small queer-owned Youtube community I'm in. 💖
💖 If you could lend a helping hand by reblogging & queueing this post up until the start of September, I'd greatly appreciate it & I'm sure these fine folks would too! 💜
⚠️ Do not tag as d*nations or anything like that! ⚠️
"Hi everyone! Requests are officially closed as I am opening emergency commissions! Please consider supporting me as we are getting kicked out and have managed to find a place that’s affordable but need to save up 5k by the end of the month! Anything helps! I also have a dontations page if you are willing to help do that! All the money received from commissions will be going to the deposit! https://ko-fi.com/quinscurse/commissions https://ko-fi.com/quinscurse/goal?g=32"
⚠️ Do not tag as d*nations or anything like that! ⚠️
"https://ko-fi.com/sswitchblade03/commissions https://ko-fi.com/sswitchblade03/goal?g=0 EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS!! My roommate @QuinsCurseand I are needing about $5000CAD for a down payment on a new place as we need to be out of our current place by September! Every bit counts! My goal is to be set to $3000CAD. I will draw anything (coloured and rendered) for $5 CAD each! If you are willing to give more it will be appreciated. Examples of my work below!"
⚠️ Do not tag as d*nations or anything like that! ⚠️
#I tried to replicate the youtube posts to the best of my ability#text is in alt descriptions as well as the post itself because idk how to navigate tumblr in this way for these uses#couldn't get the images from yt itself without it messing up the formatting so hope this is good enough <3#I just went to one of the pages itself to find the closest possible images I could that looked like the ones on the original post#highlighted the links on the 2nd part though to make it easier to find the links in the post#the pronouns listed are accurate as of time of posting for those who see this post in the future; just so you're aware; go check if you wan#I have on idea what mutual aid tags are okay in our increasingly worsening internet of 2024 so I'm just gonna not tag it & queue a bunch#I just said I would post it; idk currency conversion or anything of that sort; this is my first time doing something like this so apologies#if it's not up to par with expectations#mine#op#indie artist#yknow what for the sake of not having people block my post tags; ill add a unique tag for this sort of thing#roses campaigns#FILTER THIS PREVIOUS TAG IF YOU FEEL IT NECESSARY; ill try to remember to use it when stuff like this comes up
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Whumptober Day 11: seeing double
Totally not what this prompt meant, but I don’t care lol. I do care that I keep making Wild cry though, sorry buddy 😬
No clue if anyone cares anymore, but this has some brief age of calamity spoilers in it. Just a heads up.
Warnings: broken bone, discussed past character death
Ao3 link
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Wild had two thoughts as he went plunging through the portal, the others’ frantic cries in his ears:
One, that hopefully Legend wouldn’t give him too smug of an ‘I told you so’ the next time he saw him, since Wild had entirely forgone his advice to stay away from Dark Link and was now plunging rapidly through the air. And two, well, at least I’m going to fall into the water down there.
Which he promptly did with an explosive splash.
It wasn’t so high up that he was badly hurt, but Wild was still thrown for a loop, and found himself crashing down a river with little sense of which way was up.
Water got in his mouth and he spluttered, trying to spit it out and also get his head above the surface so he could breathe. The current was fast here though, and Wild couldn’t do much except flail around like a drunk Zora.
Wait, could Zora get drunk?
He actually had no clue.
The current got suddenly faster, and Wild breathed in some water as he got smacked against the rocks, coughing and hacking as he struggled to get any air. He managed a wet gasp when his head briefly poked up, but then he was pulled under again.
Air wasn’t the only thing Wild had gotten when he went up though— he’d also gotten a sight of the river up ahead. And at the sight of the waterfall rapidly approaching, his struggles grew even more frantic.
I need to reach shore, he thought as he continued to cough and claw his way to the river’s edge in a panic. I need to reach shore now, I need air I need—
The angle of the water shifted, and Wild was shot out of the waterfall, the rapid change in direction making his head spin.
He found himself in open air, water still in his lungs, and he clumsily grabbed for his paraglider as the lake below rapidly approached. Wild managed to snap it open just in time, but he didn’t manage a good grip on the handle.
His arm slipped, and Wild slammed into the sand near the shore, a choked yell escaping him as pain blazed up his shoulder.
All he could do was cough up water for a minute and catch his breath, trying not to wrench his shoulder more. Something was broken in there; he wasn’t sure if it was his shoulder itself or his arm or collarbone, but it hurt. He could barely move without his whole arm lighting up in agony, and hoped blearily that none of the others had suffered the same fate as him.
Then he heard a splash behind him, and his stomach sank.
Had one of the others fallen in the portal already? Or was it something else? That hadn’t sounded big enough to be a splash from something falling from the waterfall, but then again, he could be wrong.
“There, look!”
The voice sounded familiar, but Wild couldn’t place it over the sound of the water behind him and the blood rushing in his ears. He tried to raise himself up, and pain tore across his senses, and for a minute all he could focus on was the fire ripping through his shoulder.
“—know who he is? He looks just like—”
“—in the water, don’t—”
Two voices floated around his head as the fire eased, and Wild took a deep breath, opening his eyes again. His hair had fallen in his face, and between that and his blurry vision he couldn’t see much, especially through the damp strands. Unless he moved again, but that seemed like a bad idea.
Wild groaned, blinking to try and get the hair away from his eyes, but he barely succeeded. His wet hair slipped to the side, but all he could make out were two blobs, silhouetted by the sun shining behind them.
Then he heard a soft gasp, and the sound of a weapon being drawn.
“How is this—”
“This has trap written all over it,” a different voice than the first interrupted, soft, but sharp. Cold steel nudged Wild’s chin, and he stiffened. “Don’t go near him.”
The other voice made a worried noise as Wild weakly coughed. “I don’t think he would have fallen down a waterfall on purpose and hurt himself like this if that were true.”
“It could still be a trick.”
“I know... but we won’t get any answers if he’s too dazed to speak.”
Wild heard a huff, then the sound of footsteps padding towards him in a familiar way. A hand settled over his shoulder, and Wild groaned again, a soothing noise coming from the voice.
“Hold on just a moment.”
Then a feeling like that of a gentle stream swept over his shoulder, quiet and small, but carrying the mighty power of water along with it. Wild automatically relaxed, sinking into the bubbly feeling. A blue light flickered in his vision, healing his shoulder in a familiar way, and Wild relaxed even further before he abruptly stiffened again.
Wait...
The smooth magic trickled into his middle, down to where his lungs were still burning from the water he’d inhaled. It soothed the ache, and though Wild still felt exhausted, he could tell his shoulder had been completely fixed as well. Even the various scrapes and bruises from the fight before the river had been healed.
Which meant...
The bubbly rush of magic faded away, Wild’s vision fully cleared, and his stomach dropped out.
Red scales. Yellow eyes. A petite figure covered in scales that were smooth and shiny in the sunlight, and healing magic that was fading from slender hands.
“M... Mipha?” Wild choked out.
The Zora woman (it couldn’t be Mipha, it couldn’t—) gave him a concerned look, but before Wild could do or say anything further, the steel was back at his neck.
Wild stilled, and followed the blade resting at his neck up to the person holding it. His already fast heartbeat tripled, and he choked for a second time.
The person holding a blade at his throat was himself.
His double’s hair was much shorter, pulled back into a neat ponytail, and instead of the champion’s tunic he was wearing the Zora armor Wild had received. His eyes were steely as he watched Wild, but the most shocking thing about him was the fact that the right side of his face was entirely smooth.
He didn’t have a single one of the scars that had killed Wild.
I’m unconscious. I’m dreaming. I hit my head on a rock and I’m hallucinating—
“Explain yourself. Who are you?” his double demanded, not appearing to notice how Wild’s world was caving in on itself. Wild stared, and coughed once, still feeling tired from his fight with the river, and just... unable to process this. What could he even say?
What was going on?
“I asked you a question, who are you? What are you doing in Zora’s Domain?” his double repeated, voice even sharper.
Mipha sucked in a worried breath as she stared at Wild, and touched the double’s arm. “Oh no, did... did a little guardian bring you?” she asked, and Wild stared at her, her words jumbling in his head as he stared.
Mipha.
Mipha.
Mipha was alive here. Wild was alive here, and missing his scars, and wearing the Zora armor that Mipha had crafted to give to him as a—
“Wh... who are you?” Wild whispered, throat suddenly dry as bone. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it was just a mistake, a strange coincidence, but he— he had to know. He had to know.
“We asked you first,” Link’s double replied suspiciously, and Mipha set a hand on his shoulder.
“Link, he was just injured and half-drowned, I believe he’s confused. If he were here to kill us, he already would have tried,” she said pointedly, studying Wild with an intent look. “I think he looks too much like you to be a coincidence.”
“It could still be a trick. A Yiga or something,” his double said suspiciously. Wild didn’t blame him. That did sound like something the Yiga would do.
“But why add the scars and long hair?” Mipha countered, and the double looked frustrated.
“To confuse us, I’m sure there’s a motive. He’s probably here for you, you know you’re—”
“If you say “at risk” again Link, I will set Sidon on you,” Mipha said with a little huff, and turned back towards Wild with a kind-if-cautious look. “My apologies. I am Princess Mipha of the Zora, and this is my husband, Link.”
The words were like a slap, even though Wild knew they were coming.
Husband. Mipha. Zora armor.
Husband.
Link.
Wild would have fallen over backwards if he’d been upright in any way, and he stared between Mipha and his double, wondering if he was about to be sick.
They all knew the portals were transporting them through time. Wild had been a part of Time and Wind’s discussion on fractured timelines, and they all knew that there were splits and sections where the history of Hyrule didn’t make sense.
But this...
Was this a timeline where Wild hadn’t failed?
Mipha’s face grew more worried the longer Wild stared at them without speaking, and even his double started to look a little concerned.
“Did I miss an injury?” Mipha asked, scooting closer again, and Wild froze as she approached.
“No, no you got— you got everything,” Wild choked out. He felt perfectly healthy apart from being tired and his falling-apart mental state, just like if he’d used Mipha’s grace. Even though he hadn’t used it in nearly a year because the champions were finally at rest and they’d passed on and Mipha—
Wild lurched to his feet, using a rock for support, and immediately the other Link’s blade was raised again.
“Stay where you are,” he said sharply, and Wild stumbled backwards towards the water. His double’s face grew fierce and he leapt around him and blocked him off from the river. “I said stay where you are! We’ve told you who we are, now tell us your identity or I will treat you as a threat.”
Wild stilled, and swallowed. He might as well explain.
“I’m... well, Link,” he began, and the other Link didn’t move. “You... probably figured that out. I... I don’t know how I got here— I mean, I do, but it wasn’t on purpose, I-I... I don’t know what you mean about a guardian, but one didn’t bring me here.”
Wild looked at Mipha again, and swallowed thickly, his eyes stinging.
“This isn’t a trap. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not here to hurt you,” he croaked, and the other Link pulled his sword back just a hair. “I— my companions and I are traveling through time, but... I think something went wrong,” he finished in a whisper.
We’ve never had anything like this happen with the portals before.
Did the Shadow do this?
“Time travel...” Mipha said thoughtfully, and exchanged a loaded look with the other Link.
His face had creased further, but in a different way, and he finally pulled the sword away from Wild’s neck. He kept it at the ready though, and watched Wild intensely.
“How did you get here?” he asked again, a little less accusatory and a little more curious.
Wild exhaled. “It’s a long story... but it was through a portal,” he said, deciding he would just... ignore what was going on for now. It was that or completely freak out, and he wanted to know more before passing out due to shock. “My group is hunting a Shadow, one ripping holes in time. We’re trying to stop him.”
“So no Terrako then?” Link questioned, and Wild shook his head in confusion.
“No? No... Terrako. Just portals that sometimes spew powerful monsters.”
Link and Mipha both stiffened.
“These monsters, do they have darkened blood?” Mipha asked, and Wild nodded. “Oh my. We’ve seen some up in the highlands, remember that moblin, Link?”
Link grimaced. “Yes. What a disaster. We assumed it was just leftover magic from Astor or something of that nature, not... time travel related. Bazz is still recovering.” He paused for a second, then his eyes went wide and he whipped his head back towards Link. “You said you came through a portal that expels these monsters?”
“Yeah, from upriver somewhere,” Wild nodded. “But it’s not sending out monsters right now. I fell through it, then fell right in the river.”
Link frowned. “So no monsters were coming out when you went through?”
“No, they were all on the other side, my group was fighting their leader. But I don’t know—”
“Papa?”
Link froze, and Mipha looked worried as Wild turned around towards where the voice had come from.
A young, orangey colored Zora was poking his head up from the water, and he looked between Wild and Link, a wide look on his face.
“Papa?” he repeated in a curious voice, and Wild stared, studying the little Zora’s features.
“Stay in the water, Ty,” Link said seriously, and the Zora hesitated, eyes darting between Mipha and Link and Wild. Then he hopped out and scurried over to stand next to Mipha. He hid behind her leg and watched Wild with large blue eyes, and Wild began to shake, recognizing them as his own.
Oh Hylia, haven’t you put me through enough?
Mipha put a hand on Ty’s arm, and he continued to watch Wild, his expression concerned as he studied his face.
“Papa... hurt?” he said worriedly, and Link shifted around so he was standing beside him, and placed a hand on his head.
“No, I’m not hurt,” Link reassured, and Ty switched to clinging to his leg instead, still staring at Wild. His orange scales shone brightly in the sunshine, like the last rays of light before the sun set.
“Wh... who is...?” Wild choked out, and Mipha gave him a look that was as conflicted as he felt.
“This is our son. Tyde,” she explained gently, like she knew the words would hurt.
They did, hitting Wild like a laser, and he felt a mixture of longing and wonder and grief so intense he was nearly sick.
Tyde was small, and as he shifted around the other Link’s leg, Wild saw that his left arm was shorter than it should be, the fins the wrong size. He had Wild— Link’s eyes, and his frame was proportioned more like a Hylian, but he had golden-orange and white scales all along his body, and had the Zora tail on the back of his head.
All in all, he was exactly what Wild would expect a child of his and Mipha’s to look like.
A tear fell down Wild’s cheek without his permission, and he sank back down to his knees, overwhelmed. He was married here. He had a child here.
This was what would have happened if he hadn’t failed?
This was how much Mipha had loved him?
Wild began to shake, and barely even noticed as Mipha approached and knelt beside him, so lost was he in his own mind.
“You’re from the world the older Sidon came from, aren’t you,” Mipha said quietly, and Wild shakily raised his head to look at her. “I... doubt he remembered in order to tell you. Zelda theorized they all wouldn’t recall anything from their time here.”
Wild gave a small shake of his head, and Mipha sighed.
“It’s complicated I’m afraid, but we’ve dealt with time travel before,” she explained. “And me and Sidon, we... we talked a little, about things. He said that in his time the champions were slain, and that you nearly were along with us. But you were placed in a sleep for one hundred years in order to heal, and then you saved the princess.”
Wild nodded mutely, and Mipha’s face turned further grieved. She carefully reached forward, and Link couldn’t help his flinch as her cool palm rested on his cheek, right over his scars.
The other Link behind Mipha had gone white, his sword finally lowered. Tyde tugged at his pant leg, and Link wordlessly picked him up, holding him tightly to his chest as he locked gazes with Wild.
Wild could only imagine what was going through his head.
Mipha wiped the tear off Wild’s cheek then withdrew her hand, giving him the same smile that he barely remembered from a hundred years ago. It almost made Wild fully break down, but he choked back his tears. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to comfort him.
“I’ll h-have to hear about this adventure Sidon had,” he said, managing not to make his voice sound too watery. “Sounds like it w-was something.”
“It was,” Mipha said quietly. “He always spoke so highly of you.”
She looked like she wanted to say more, but Wild’s double spoke up then, Tyde still nestled up to his chest.
“In your world, we... lost?” he asked in a quiet voice, and Wild swallowed thickly.
“We... did. I failed,” he whispered, not looking at Mipha. “The champions... our weapons turned against us. Overwhelmed us. I only survived because of a Sheikah invention that took a hundred years to work so I could fix my failure. So many died...”
He took in a shuddering breath, and looked at Mipha and his double again, their child still watching him intently.
“But you won here. You did it, you won—”
Wild’s voice choked off, and he barely noticed Tyde tug on his father’s sleeve, trying to get his attention. He did notice when Tyde pointed at Wild though, his brow scrunched up.
“Hurt,” he said with another tug, and for some reason that one small word made Wild lose the rest of his composure.
Suddenly it was too much, the sight of himself holding his and Mipha’s child, Mipha herself sitting beside him, her hand on her husband’s arm. It was a family Wild never had, never would have, and the fact that there was a timeline somewhere where Wild hadn’t failed them, where they had the opportunity to exist, it was just—
A small sob escaped him, and he pulled back, his shaking starting up again. Before he could bolt though, Tyde suddenly squirmed out of his father’s arms and padded over to Wild. Wild froze as he put a tiny hand on his arm, and when Wild looked down at him, he ran his hand up and down for a moment before nodding.
“Better,” he declared, then scampered back to Wild’s double.
Wild could only stare, tears dripping down his cheeks as Tyde climbed back into his father’s arms.
“He’s seen me heal before, he thinks he can too,” Mipha explained with a faint smile. “He does that whenever anyone cries, he thinks they’re hurt.”
A thick laugh burst from Wild’s throat, and he smiled shakily through the tears only running faster down his face. Tyde kept watching him, and Link swallowed back the gigantic lump in his throat in order to speak.
“Thanks,” he managed through his tears, and Tyde gave him a shy smile before hiding his face in Link’s chest.
Wild breathed out shakily, shuddering with a sob he tried not to let escape, and Mipha and his double stayed quiet as they let him cry, Tyde quietly watching them all. Mipha put her hand on his arm at one point, and Wild only cried harder, wishing he could remember her more, wishing she hadn’t died, wishing he didn’t even know what.
He merely cried, and Mipha let him, a different version of himself watching in pale-faced silence.
That was where Wolfie found them barely a quarter hour later, Wild’s eyes red as he quietly explained more about the infected monsters, Mipha and his double asking worried questions about what was going on, Tyde resting against his knee.
And nine Links became ten.
#I’ve never like actually written Mipha before I hope it turned out okay#linkeduniverse#linked universe#lu Wild#miphlink#...sort of#fic#whumptober#whumptober 2024#no.11#seeing double#tw injury#Tyde#writing from the floor#*holds Tyde up like the lion king* check out my little guy!!!!#surely somebody guessed this was coming lol I kept talking about him#also I had to look up stuff about age of calamity to make sure this made sense and uh. wow.#that game is insane actually#anyway I don’t know how good this turned out but it’s something#the ending wouldn’t end >:/#and i dont really like it >:/#but it’s something#oh yeah and I never said it but it’s implied Mipha is pregnant :3
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hehehehehhooo,, decided to draw some hermits as the mystery skulls animated gang!! why? uhhh mostly just 'cause.
special thanks to the ibaaf server for helping me pick the roles! gem is vivi,, false is arthur,, pearl is lewis,, and etho is mystery!!
better pic of pearl under the cut, where you can how lazy i am,,ms ksmsksjs
#my art#hermitcraft#mystery skulls animated#falsesymmetry#geminitay#ethoslab#pearlescentmoon#falsesymmetry fanart#geminitay fanart#ethoslab fanart#pearlecentmoon fanart#this wasn't supposed to have this much effort put into it. and then it took five hours.#chose etho's role first cuz i really like the kitsune etho headcanon#(yes his collar has a maple leaf on it)#and the lil deadbeats are a bunch of lil tillys!!#we also gave roles to some of the other characters. bdubs is shiromori and cub is reverb/???/possession guy#sorry guys; you're antagonists now 😔#actually i don't think cub would mind this#also i refuse to think any harder about what bdubs being shiromori means. they're both plants okay.#it was either this or joel#or that one sock monster guy from season six#joe and cleo are duet and chloe respectively. joe as duet fits. cleo as chloe does not but also no one else really fits chloe anyway so idc#no more wanting an undead boyfriend.... THEY are the undead boyfriend now.#i think we had uncle lance as iskall??? still not too sure#they both have beards tho. that's something#oh!! also rendog is galaham bc i said so.#anyway. please watch msa it's so so good.#(or watch hermitcraft if you haven't already. a new season started a while back it's the perfect time to join)#not sure if i'll draw more of this;; this is less an au and more just me being silly#but i hope y'all like it regardless!!
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Words of Regret
Jason Grace / Reader ! ❤︎ :¨ ·.· ¨:
" Hello, I saw your Jason Grace and Reader imagine and I LOVE IT, so can you do a request but this time Jason and Reader are facing some problems because he said something awful and Reader doesn’t know if she wants to get back with him but Jason just begs to come back? " requested ^.^ ++ thank u <33
In the heat of an argument, Jason's words sliced through the air like a knife, leaving you feeling raw and exposed. "I don't know why I even bother with you," he spat out, his frustration boiling over. "You always manage to mess things up."
His words hit you like a punch to the gut, stealing the breath from your lungs and leaving you speechless. How could he say something so cruel? The pain in his eyes mirrored your own, but it was too late to take back the hurt he had caused.
"I didn't mean that," he pleaded, his voice trembling with remorse. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
But the damage was done, the trust between you shattered by his thoughtless words. As he stood before you now, begging for another chance, you struggled to find the strength to forgive him, to believe that things could ever be the same again.
You clench your fists, "I can't believe you said that," you seethe, your voice sharp with anger. "You have no right to speak to me like that."
Jason's eyes widen in realization of the gravity of his words, his own frustration melting away in the face of your anger. "I know," he replies, his tone remorseful. "I messed up, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you..."
But your anger refuses to waver, the betrayal of his words still fresh in your mind. "Sorry isn't enough," you retort, your voice trembling with emotion. "You can't just say whatever you want and expect me to forgive you."
Jason's shoulders slump, the weight of his mistake heavy on his conscience. "I understand," he murmurs, his voice tinged with regret. "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, I promise."
As you stand there, the tension crackling between you, you can't help but feel the distance growing. The hurt of Jason's words lingers like a shadow.
#꒰ ঌ 🪧 ໒ ꒱#i would kms if my boyfr said something like that 2 me 🥰#anyways i hope thats okay!!#jason grace fluff#jason comfort#jason grace angst#jason angst#percy jackson comfort#percy jackson fluff#percy jackson x reader#percy x reader#pjo#pjo x reader#percy fluff#idk what im doing#hoo x reader#hoo fluff#hoo angst#jason grace x reader#jason grace#jason grace comfort
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insane how people act like charles is ‘the jealous one’ like edwin didnt spend the whole first episode screaming crying throwing up every time charles looked at crystal and not him
#obv its deeper than that#like after 30 years of almost always taking edwins side on everything#he suddenly leaves WITH SOME RANDOM GIRL while saying he has a poor attitude and hes like? do i? yeah bc the living suck right? right?#and he decides to stay annoyed when they come back bc he LEFT him ugh. for a GIRL. like they’re actually still teens in school#so he really really hopes this is a passing fancy. like a pet or something. a wounded bird that we CANNOT KEEP#and when charles points out that it is in fact jealousy (which by charles time is not at all couple exclusive) it literally takes him aback.#bro said ‘jealous?’ so breathlessly like cmon. but b4 he could let that sink in crystal wakes up so he lets it go#probably had a whole internal convo where he reconciled being able to be friend-jealous and then kicked it up. like really up#‘maybe its your outfit’ and ‘also we are punishing you’ and ‘are you ready to talk to her shoes’#‘you spoke to a demon in this friendly malt shop’ and ‘oh you love this dont you’ and ‘saved you one time and now you wont leave either’#like yes he IS jealous and yes he WILL make it everyone’s problem on purpose#do i even have to pull out ‘of course you fell for a living girl’ (looks at him through his lashes) help him#90 percent of these are from the FIRST EPISODE okay#episode 1 edwin is THE cattiest bitch so it tracks that the cat king wants him#point is they are both insanely jealous ok#dbda#dead boy detectives#payneland#paineland#bumblysdumbly
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I think what really gets to me with the finale is that Merlin was so close to getting Arthur to the lake. Yet, there was no plan beyond that. It's like even if they did get there, who knows if anything would have happened.
The idea that there was still more tragedy awaiting even if they made it, that yeah despite all of Merlin’s magic, he couldn't save Arthur's life.
It was always the possibility of the Sidhe, but there was no guarantee. It was all hope from the start, endless hope that failed them in the end.
Because well, it was always supposed to happen like this anyway... Arthur was meant to die so he could rise again, there was no alternative
#bbc merlin#merlin#merthur#some little festive angst for you all on the angstiest day of the year for this fandom ;)#i just feel for Merlin so much all that hope to save his loved one and yet and yettttt#like genuinely what would have happened like Merlin has gone around murdering Sidhe left and right djdjdjd#It was always meant to be this way is something that we all must come to accept with the canon#As Julian Murphy said in the infamous commentary they had to deliver on Arthur's death because they had been building up to it for so long!#anyway i love it watching Arthur's death is kinda like a strange catharsis for me these days#like it's I look at it like it's okay there's still hope it's okay to watch him die and feel sad it's not over forever
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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hi! can i please get a moodboard themed around an ox? gender neutral leaning slightly masc (but gender neutral in a pinch) and yes please to the paci and unstudded please! my petre name is clover if that helps with figuring things out :)) please lmk if i’ve missed anything and have a great day!!
Sure!!
#ox#!!!#okay listen#when someone sends me a second ask i add a note to the original request to remind me what they said and then delete the second one#i have since developed a better method of just putting a screenshot in the first request#but i started this one before that system#and all i wrote was “4”#i don't know what that means anymore#so if something you asked for was messed up my apologies!!#anyway i really like how this turned out#so i hope you enjoy#sfw interaction only#sfw agere#agere#moodboard#age regression#sfw littlespace#agere moodboard#age dreaming#babyre#baby regression#no pacifier
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(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
#I've had the cutest interaction today#So like yesterday? There was this post I saw on my dash that was like “you want to know extra info about museums? Just befriend a–#guide! That way you can also unlock the Secret Backscene” and I was like. Lmao. Who could ever befriend a museum guide I've never–#even personally met anyone who works at museums?#... Well. Guess what happened today#I was following this guided museum tour with a friend and when the tour came to an end I was happily chatting with her when the guide.#Shyly chimed in and was like “is that an Atsushi keychain?” And I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#And I was like‚‚ omg‚‚‚ Do you happen to know‚‚‚ This one series‚‚‚‚‚‚#And they unsheathed their phone like a fbi distinctive in American movies to show me their fyo/zai background amjdsgawsjda it was SO cute.#They were adorable. And I got so embarassed but trying to keep my cool while internally I was like‚‚‚#Omg the Cool Museum Guide™ is talking with me about my hyperfixation‚‚‚‚‚‚ What is happening#We talked a bit about the manga it was such a nice and sweet exchange. They said they like Dostoyevsky and I was like yeah he's so cool!!!#They said they're sorry about Bram it was REALLY cute (´;ω;`)#I didn't want to hamper them too much so I took my leave shortly after but I'd actually really like to pay visit again–#when the new chapter is out??#Hhhhhhh I don't want to look stalkery and like go look for them on their job. But also like‚ they looked genuinely happy and as excited as–#I was when we were chatting and I believe in the power of human connections through shared hyperfixations#The possibly funnier part is that then my friend went “Wait you're into b/ungo stray dogs??” and like alright. This is less surprising.#I already knew she likes manga.#What actually left me quite baffled was that... She really didn't know I was into b/sd. When it's literally what I think about 24/7#Something very similar happened just a week ago. My friend gifted me a manga volume of a series she really likes for my birthday#But when she was giving it to me she awkwardly went “oh‚ just‚ it features romance between two guys. I hope that's okay with you...”#And I internally had to pause and realize that no.#In fact most of the people I hang out with don't know I spend half my time curating a bl focused blog.#It's just funny in a way? I got so used to concealing my hyperfixations I didn't even realize I actually got quite good at passing–#for someone who is normal about stuff.#random rambles
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i will never understand how or why the httyd movies did the books such an injustice.
the movies aren't even an adaptation - they stole the name of the series, the name of some of the characters and places, and the general idea that there are dragons. honestly, i would be fine with the movies and maybe even like them if they didn't capitalize off of cressida cowell's incredible books that never get any credit.
the books are an amazing story about the cycle of violence and how vengeance and revenge is dangerous. hiccup says that the past is a ghost story, one we need to learn from to better ourselves. the books are about how everyone deserves freedom, how every creature, every being on the earth deserves to be free. we see that in the slavemark, with the dragons.
and like... hiccup is so different. they did him a severe injustice. he's scrawny and intelligent and learned to talk to dragons simply by observing them! he chooses kindness first above all else; instead of yelling at toothless to train him, he is kind. and in the end, that kindness is why toothless chose to save him. bc even toothless himself says that dragons are inherently selfish creatures who care only for their survival. hiccup is brave - his beliefs differ drastically from both the vikings and the world.
hiccup is a child who chose to do the right thing even at the expense of himself. he agreed to free the slaves on nobert's ship, and in return, they gave him the slavemark which is easy to give but cannot be removed. he was like twelve. and having the slavemark means he cannot be with his tribe or his family, it means he isn't considered a human being anymore. and he keeps it a secret for awhile until it's revealed and when it is everyone turns their backs on hiccup. his family, his tribe, his mentor, people he TRUSTED. everyone except fishlegs, and, once she got over the shock, camicazi. he was thirteen. and even when he lost his memories and was really injured, he persisted. he was told to go to tomorrow and to save the dragons and he did bc in his heart he knew it was right even though he didn't know who he was or how he got there.
and fishlegs,,, oh my god FISHLEGS!!! the did him SO DIRTY!!! fishlegs is hiccup's best friend, one of the main motivators for hiccup. he steals norbert's potato for the sake of fishlegs, he gives fishlegs his dragon and goes to retrieve another, he takes the blame for fishlegs. and fishlegs does the same for him. he takes the slavemark with pride. he refuses to turn. he gives hiccup his lobster claw necklace which is his most prized possession. he is brave for hiccup, he believes hiccup is alive. he fights for hiccup harder than anyone else ever has. he does not turn. his is loyal, has allergies, has asthma, has a squint and a limp, has glasses bc he's blind without them... and he's still a hero despite being a runt, despite everyone even the adults telling him he's hopeless, telling hiccup to leave him behind.
and they cut camicazi! i'm sorry, but astr*d is nothing compared to camicazi. camicazi is a tiny, feral child who can easily best hiccup, fishlegs, and pretty much anyone in a sword fight. she can bring a grown man to tears with her rudery and smack talk. she is recklessly brave and craves adventure and follows hiccup blindly bc she trusts him that much. she isn't in love with hiccup - in fact she doesn't care about romance and love. she gives up everything to help hiccup bc she has a strong sense of justice. she is the motivator, the cheerleader, she finds a positive in everything. she never gives up. literally never gives up. and that's one of the most inspiring things about her: she always has hope.
and toothless! god!!! toothless is *thought to be* a common or garden dragon. he is horrifically tiny, he is literally toothless, and is the biggest brat in the world. he will cause problems on purpose. he has a stutter, he's the most selfless selfish dragon around. he and hiccup can talk to each other. he masks his fear with singing and being annoying. his growth is remarkable. he starts off refusing to obey hiccup, doing the opposite of what he says, making life harder for literally everyone around him, and he's still somewhat like that. but he's also braver, more caring, more willing to make sacrifices for the sake of others. he's clever, which he needs to be to make up for his size and aggression. he protects hiccup with everything he has, therefore, he protects what hiccup cares about just as hard. he was the only dragon that didn't abandon the vikings in the first book bc he cared about hiccup.
and snotlout,,, god,,, i will never forgive the movies for butchering snotlout. hiccup's cousin, the bully character, the one who is horrifically jealous that hiccup's dad was born before his. the one who desperately wants to prove himself, to be worthy, to make people proud. and you hate him, you despise him. he betrays everyone many times bc of the nothing promised to him by alvin and his mom. he loses himself, turns his back on himself, all bc he wants to prove himself. all bc he wants to be better than hiccup. and hiccup still forgives him and gives him chances, sometimes out of pity, but also bc snotlout is his cousin. he can't just turn his back on him no matter how miserable snotlout made his life. and in the end, snotlout sacrifices himself for hiccup. he gives up his life for hiccup in one last attempt to set things right. his death and the events preceding it are one of my absolute favorite moments in the book. gives me chills. makes me cry.
that's the thing with the books - they're so realistic. there is no inherently happy ending where everything works out. the first book begins with "there were dragons when i was a boy", implying that they're gone now. the books show there are consequences to our actions. they enslaved the dragons, they fought against them during the dragon rebellion all bc alvin and his mom said to, and now they're gone bc a simple apology doesn't fix hundreds of years of enslavement. and the only way for the world to move forward was for the dragons to leave and heal on their own. and now they have to learn to live without them. and yeah i've heard the third movie ends like that but. it doesn't have the build up. it doesn't have "there were dragons when i was a boy". it doesn't have eleven books of development to back it up, to make it feel meaningful.
i know that the movies are really special to a lot of people. i know that, on their own, they're genuinely good movies. i can acknowledge that the soundtrack is amazing and the animation is beautiful. i just can't see past the way they butchered the world that i love, the world that i grew up with. i can't see past the way people yelled at me for saying i liked the books better, the way that people gave me weird looks when i showed them a picture of the original toothless, when i tell them that nightfuries aren't even a type of dragon. cressida cowell created hundreds of different dragons, and the movies couldn't even pick from that. i can't forgive the way that barely anyone knows there are books bc the movie barely gives credit to them. i cannot forgive the way they capitalized off the books and then shoved them aside. i know cressida thinks they're good movies and i know a lot of httyd book fans also like them. but i just... i cannot get over how much they changed and how they missed so much and ignored the books. also they got rid of camicazi so hiccup could have a love interest and that is unforgivable to me.
if you disagree, that is a-okay. we're all entitled to our own opinions. i just ask that you, perhaps, try the books out. give them a chance. bc they're amazing works of art and also just like. don't yell at people who don't like the movies? whether it's bc they prefer the books or just aren't into that kind of movie. and just remember that dreamworks didn't come up with the story; cressida cowell did.
#corey talks:)#this has been in my drafts forever but i saw something that made me have feelings and so i finished it and here take this iuygfcvghuij#i justgod the books are SO GOOD and barely anyone knows theyexist#and i think that's what makes me the kost upset#or some [people chose to ignore they exist or don't give them a chance bc... i don't even know why. ppl are just so quick to dismiss them#the books are so important to me (literally got a httyd book tattoo) and i get most book fans also like the movies#but it sucks bc i can't go through the httyd tag without being bombarded with movie stuff#i'll even look up 'httyd books' and half of it is still about the movies.#i'll look up snotface snotlout and only finds movie stuff even tho ig they changed his last name in the movies???#i'll look up camicazi and find it filled with astr*d. WHAT.#i'll look u toothless and only see the freaking nightfury. not the original.#like god movie enjoyers at least tag correctly. i get you want ppl to see your posts but the more i see movie stuff in the book tag the mor#i hate the movies lol like the movies are so much more popular than the books let us have our tags okay#sorry if any of this sounds bitter also i hope it doesn't sound like i want to argue or fight#this is just my opinion and i have feelings and i just want ppl to know there are books#also i am not shaming anyone who likes the movies like i already said you do you boo just don't come at me for doing me#bc yes that has happened to me multiple times :) which is one reason why i get so upset :)#i just personally cannot separate the two. i know some ppl can and i'm glad! but i can't and that's okay too#httyd#httyd books
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Having some fun in Thavnair!
ft @eriyu 's Ehryu Raav
#ffxiv#miqo'te#ffxiv gpose#thank you for letting me pose your girl! I hope I did okay!#I know you said her singing voice claim was from baby metal so I went with something kinda idol like for the posing#its a little hard to capture that kind of hectic metal idol energy in a still shot haha#shed be bouncing and twirling before going into a full head-banging section#Ehryu Raav#WOL posting#Arsay Nun
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Lady Bone Demon: "Do not lament your fate child, you can rest knowing you served your purpose—destiny has found you."
(2x10 This is the End!)
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Lady Bone Demon: "A reminder: it seems you can not be trusted to willingly follow the path of destiny. But know this: If you betray me again—one misstep, one failure in any way—I will erase the very memory of you."
(3x04 The Winning Side)
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Tang: "You're wrong. I know I'm not a strong as they are. I may still be searching for my purpose—but what I do know, is that doing it alone is not the path I'm destined to take. Deep in my heart, I know my place is alongside my friends."
(3x08 Benched)
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Lady Bone Demon: "I sent you a task—you were to retrieve the Monkie King and his protégé, yet you refused the path of destiny and so there will be pain."
(3x08 Benched)
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Tang: "STOP! It was me! I mean, yeah, Macaque forced me to do it and I am definitely starting to have second thoughts on the whole thing now but- I don't know how and I don't know why, I just felt like I had to. Like it was...destiny!" Lady Bone Demon Voice Over: "Destiny can not be undone Sun Wukong."
(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)
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Lady Bone Demon: "No matter what you do, you cannot change the path of destiny." MK: "I don't know if this all happened because it was destined to, but I have to believe that I found the staff so I could use it for good." [...] "If you really believed that destiny can't be changed, you wouldn't be using every ounce of power you have to keep him contained!"
(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)
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Lady Bone Demon: “Know this, monkey, you and I are not so different. We both fight for what we think is right—that pursuit only leads to one thing." MK: "Hmmhm. To destiny, right?" Lady Bone Demon: "No. To pain."
(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)
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MK: "I can't believe that worked!" Tang: "Eh, if that was destined to go wrong, then it would have!"
(4x03 The Great Tang Man)
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Tang: "If your bonds of friendships our strong, then you will always find your way back to one another!"
(4x04 Pig Napped!)
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Macaque: "Wukong was on a path of self-destruction, we all were. But when he met the monk, it set him on a different path." MK: "Ah! The path of the good guy! Making those good life choices?"
(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)
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Purpose, Pain, and the Path of Destiny
#originally this started as like ''huh Tang said the thing LBD said'' and then it turned into a 3 way thing between Tang LBD and MK#Like 2 sides of the destiny coin and the guy who undoes/changes destiny#''Destiny has found you'' ''You will always find your way back to one another!''#I FEEL FUCKING CRAZY#THE JOURNEY. THE PATH THERE. FINDING THE SCRIPTURES. YOUR FRIENDS. YOUR PURPOSE. DESTINY. IDK#lmk really was like ''Everyone's destiny is pain. Cope with that fact'' and I've been losing my mind for a year#Like whatever#''No matter what I do it's going to lead to pain''#LIKE THAT'S. THE PATH OF DESTINY (''path of self-destruction''). Okay. Okay#Not even that relevant to the post I'm just in so deep rn#''All doomed to play a role in tearing this world apart'' and then s5 being the world literally tearing itself apart. Like jesus#They really just wanted to completely decimate MK's little positive growth from the special like. Immediately.#''At least we fixed something for a change- instead of destroying it'' AND THEN THEY DIDN'T FIX ANYTHING#WHICH I'VE BEEN SAYING WAS HOW IT WOULD GO FOR A WHILE. BUT ON GOD TO BE PROVEN SO RIGHT#You know I hope Mei also has a terrible time next season I really feel like she was going through it in s4. But like subtly#Not MK's monkie mental breakdown way#*cough* tag rant over#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk parallels#lmk Tang#lmk LBD#lmk MK#lmk theme: destiny#to pain
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It's home. He's home and its late and its dark. he knows he should have been home hours ago, wishes he could have been but work finished late and then one deal ran into another and before he knew it he was an hour and a half from home at 1 in the morning. After the last deal was done Eddie made his way back in his van, eyes red and itchy with the overhwleming desire to close but painfully aware of the distance he had to drive. After a lot of cut corners and questionable driving he was finally pulling up to the trailer.
All he wants to do is sleep but even in his tired state he clocks the light on in the window. Knowing that lights don't just get 'left on' when there are bills to pay and mouths to feed Eddie enters the trailer quietly, hoping that its not an ominous sign. Hoping as well that this isn't the precursor to getting yelled at for being out late and not telling anyone…again.
As silently as he can Eddie pulls the door open and steps in side. So far so good, nobody has started shouting yet but as he turns he sees the lamp glowing beside the couch and can hear the radio on low. Comforting sounds of Eddie's younger years playing Credence Clearwater Revival. It is at this point Eddie catches the figures waiting in the dim light. Wayne at the end of the couch, hot mug of something in his hand. His expression is one Eddie is well used to, concentrated and contemplative, measuring the words he says and actions he takes. He's in his pyjammas but far from sleep. He's angled towards the figure on the couch next to him. The person, only translated into Eddie's head as 'human' after he deciphered half of the mass as blankets and hair, sits hunched over themselves and hugs their own mug in close.
Eddie takes a step forward, makes to sit down as Wayne talks slow and gentle 'Your boy had a bit of a fright son. Thought I'd break out the big guns and show him what we used to do when you first came home'
He doesn't say the rest, doesn't need to. When Eddie came to stay with Wayne the nights were endless. He'd wake himself up in tears, too scared to go find comfort incase he got pushed away but somehow Wayne always knew. Eddie would never be alone in the dark long before the hall light went on and Wayne was knocking at his door, offering hot milk and a distraction. Eventually the routine turned into going over old photo albums of Wayne's 'glory days' and then, the new additions after Eddie's arrival. It quickly became a fail safe for the both of them when the dark nights and silence were too much.
Which is how Eddie ends up here, sat close to the mass, Steve, a hand crept under the blanket that was quickly latched on to. A photo album is sat across Steve's lap and Wayne talks him through the story of his own high school band and then quickly moves on to the photo of Eddie knee deep in mud and arms out stretched ready to pull the photo taker into the mess with him, devious smile on his 10 year old face, a hint of the dungeon master yet to come.
The stories continue, ranging from photos of a young Eddie in rubber boots and a sun dress to Wayne in denim shorts and an awful sunburn as he points a spatula at the camera in a rustic looking kitchen. This ritual calms them all between the quiet laughter and tired gasps of surprise, eventually Steve's shoulders relax and Wayne's voice becomes somehow even more subdued. Eddie is fully leaning into Steve's space and the warmth between the three of them somehow heats the whole trailer.
They are all close to sleep when Eddie takes the album off Steve's lap and manages to force himself to stand, pulling Steve up with him and still swaddled in his blanket. Eddie makes to guide Steveto their bedroom when he's met with resistance. Steve pulls the blanket tighter to himself but shifts his shoulders back, almost as if to brace for a fight when he tilts his head towards Wayne ' Thank you. I- I've never...Just thank you' he's got his back to Eddie but Eddie can hear the crack in his voice, the battle to keep the emotion down, can see the slight tremour in the blanket as Steve works to keep himself together. Its all for nothing when Wayne stands and places a hand on his shoulder before bringing him into a forceful hug 'Son, you never have to thank me'.
Its a moment that Eddie knows will be seared into his heart until the day it stops beating. The two men holding on, however briefly, to each other, both understanding the other person that little bit more and sharing more of their soul in the process.
There's a pause as they separate and Eddie takes Steve's hand tugs him forward and lets him lead the way to the bedroom. Before he turns to follow Eddie catches Wayne's eye and they share a somber smile. Eddie's heart feels like its going to collapse on itself when he thinks about how Wayne doesn't understand the traumas these boys have been through but how that hasn't stopped him from being there for them.
It doesn't go unspoken, this feeling between Eddie and his Uncle. They find time, they always do, where they put their music on and talk in that unhurried way about what they've been doing, catching each other up on their lives and knowing the love is there.
For now, Wayne tilts his head up 'that's a good one you've got there son.' All the endorsement Eddie could ever want, caught in a few words 'now go to him and let me get my bed' its a grumbled statement that has more meaning than can be explained. Eddie gives a mock salute, knowing that the nightmares and stories will be re-hashed when the time is right. But for now the urgency has been tamed and the fire burns low in their hearts.
Before he gets to the kitchen there's a final 'and I need my sleep boy so don't get any ideas' from the couch. 'wouldn't dream of it old man'
#what Wayne doesn’t mention is that Wayne eddie first saw the photo of younger wayne in his band#he gasped so quietly it’s a wonder anyone heard it and said ‘I wanna be like that. I wanna be like /you/‘#Eddie climbs into bed next to Steve and holds on tight as Steve tells him that he looked good in a dress and boots#Eddie just laughs and pulls him close ‘pretty sure it’s look better on you sweetheart’#stranger things#eddie munson#steddie#steve harrington#wayne munson#HELLO I needed to soothe myself after getting very stressed so I tried to write something I hope it’s okay idk I just have#a need to write but nothing to write about
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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violently forcing myself to have better days
#everyone’s different and this isn’t true for everybody of course:#but a lot of the time we have more control over things than we can see in a difficult moment#like for example#a negative thought is inevitable and not something you can just stop. however you CAN decide from there how you let it effect you#it’s way easier said than done but you genuinely can be like hey I’m going to have a good day today#I like to set my intentions for the day and not allow my trauma nightmares to dictate how my whole day goes#but in order to do that I have to consciously decide that I deserve better and then create that for myself#does this make sense?#do things you know you enjoy/ things that make you feel better. take care of yourself. create little healthy routines to do each day#even if it’s just for 5 or 10 minutes#you have to act to make a genuine positive change in your life and circumstances#tried to say this as well as I could but I struggle w articulating exactly what I mean#like my thoughts are too complex to translate into words#anyways though I just wanted to add this- this post is not to make anybody feel bad whatsoever.#if you struggle with certain disorders and such it genuinely might be close to impossible for you to actually be able to have that control#and that’s okay. it doesn’t make you any less of a person and it is not your fault that you experience those difficulties#I just wanted to remind people that it is possible to control certain aspects of your life and it is possible to snap yourself out of it#I know I need to remember this as often as I can#that’s why I shared it#I hope this makes sense I do not know if it does lmao#(the tags)#my thoughts are so jumbled up. idk what other word to use lmao
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