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dayscapism · 2 months ago

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My Thoughts on the Percy Jackson TV Show (was not a fan):

Months have passed but, I guess I like to throw wood to embers to make fires again. Honestly, I would have abandoned it after episode 3 if it weren't one of my favourite book series ever and I wanted so bad to be hopeful and pleasantly surprised.

I don't think it's a terrible adaptation, but I think it's boring, badly edited, with character inconsistencies, has first-draft-level writing and just missed potential. I'm happy it's been working for so many others, but I've also seen a lot of people being so reluctant to negatively criticise anything about it. Which is weird, it makes me feel like we're watching two different shows and I'm the problem (am I the drama? perhaps. I don't care.)

It's not been an easy time to watch for me; it's a sustained, painful, physical effort to pay attention to this show, especially during dialogue scenes. Like how do you make a show about a bunch of ADHD kids and make it so NOT ADHD-friendly to watch?? (The writers and editors should watch EEAAO, that's how an ADHD brain approaches visual media). The pacing, the terrible exposition, it's the static and uninteresting camera work, the lack of a campy hyping music/soundtrack, the lack of stylization, the lazy editing, the actors stopping to chat in a static shot every other minute, no running during urgent situations, etc. Nothing is engaging! It's such a boring show! There's always exactly 1 thing happening on screen and nothing else around it, no hidden meanings, no mystery, nothing that could be layered storytelling, which is such an important thing in a TV show where you only have 8 episodes to tell your story! Spekaing of, ADHD and dyslexia don't seem to be shown or discussed again after it's mentioned that Percy has has it in episodes 1-2. I was hoping for bolder representation with that. (Why didn't they include the little dialogue where neither Percy of Annabeth can't figure out the sign at the emporium because of dyslexia, and Grover has to tell them! These little moments count so much for representation of this kind.)

The dialogue paired with the pacing/humour is not landing. It truly feels unpolished, like a first draft. Like technically it serves its purpose, but it's an ineffective, unengaging manner to write a tv script. They should have done more flashbacks too, to give context and exposition. But instead, everything is given to us like you would in a book. (And this is coming from someone who read the books years ago so I NEED this exposition because I don't remember a lot of details, but the exposition isn't even helpful and the writing doesn't keep me engaged enough for me to even pay attention to the exposition!) The actors are doing the best with the material they have, they're all really precious, but this writing and directing is hurting their acting so bad. The dialogue and scenes are so awkward, which hurts the chemistry between the characters too (I expand on my issues with the characters later).

A lot of the tone and pacing issues could just be a book-to-tv adaptation thing because we're no longer in Percy's head with his funny sarcastic remarks and long paragraphs that can give us context. But then why didn't they include narration? Why didn't they keep it up after the intro in episode 1?? Why did they even include that bit if they weren't going to keep it up?? We have 4th-wall narration in lots of things these days (from the top of my head, Fleabag and Deadpool), usually done for comedic and style effect. This would help so much with the pacing and tone! the lost potential is so frustrating. Many movies/shows don't need narration; this one could have benefitted so much from it.

The show is not funny whatsoever when the books are hilarious. At no point did I laugh out loud here. Such a crime. I hate to be one of THOSE but the movies at least got the unserious and funny beats right. Like why is the music in this show just an epic forgettable MCU-like soundtrack but with a serious tone? Why didn't they include modern or campy songs? They should have taken clues from the Umbrella Academy's first seasons. And they could have included Greek music in it too! How could would that have been? It's not a bad soundtrack by any means, but if nothing else is used in a very strange manner in some scenes because it sometimes cuts the action or doesn't match the energy or vibe of the scenes. The visuals and settings are pretty good, I admit, but these are underserviced by the entire production's lack of style and music and tone are a big part of that.

Some people have said the action scenes are bad, but I feel the problem is there's no sense of urgency, of danger (no layered storytelling here either). The fights with the monsters are okay, great even, the problem is this lack of excitement. The problem is the setups to the action: the lack of tension and then rushed resolutions. For example, they dragged the scenes with Medusa and Equidna talking that it lost all suspense. Equidna literally says instead of just jumping to it, showing what she would do to them kids. (Ok the chimera is cool tho, looks really cool. I want it as a pet 😊 And the editing when Percy falls from the arch is pretty cool too, rare exception.)

But most feels so underwhelming. These kids should also be running everywhere, not calmy walking (bad directing!) This makes the monsters not feel as menacing, because they always have time for a calm exposition break long conversations in the middle of what are supposed to be life-or-death encounters with ancient Greek monsters. And mind you, these pauses for conversation aren't even layered, they're often shot with a static camera, with dull dialogue no 12 yo would speak. They could be having these conversations while running, while hiding, while doing something else! Mix dialogue and action! Layered storytelling, it's about themes and characters but also about how you present the scenes themselves.

An adjacent problem is also the actualization of the myths for a modern audience is a bit surface-level (like with Medusa). They could have done so much more here.

Now, issues with characterization:

Characters can really make or break a story. Here we have a lot of character inconsistencies, or rather, a lack of definition of the characters. It's not about the show being exactly accurate to the book here, it's the show wasting perfectly good character and plot moments from the show, while not being true to tone and to the core of the characters. Change in adaptations can be good, to consolidate or make things clearer and work for the new medium, but they character work here was very ineffective and inefficient.

Percy is supposed to be cunning, smart but not knowledgeable about the Greek world. The show has this being reversed many times. Grover is perceptive and has more life experience but he is reduced to nothing. Like I'm wondering why is he even here? Also, Annabeth and Percy get sincere with each other really quickly after like 1 day of knowing each other, no layered storytelling or emotional reactions to them baring their deepest fears and darkest backstories either. (Poor kids are doing their best with mediocre adaptation, though Walker is carrying the show at this point, tbh.)

And Annabeth... Oh. Annabeth is a hard character to portray and write, tbh, it's easy to make her unlikable and straightforward, can very easily come off as annoying, pedantic perhaps, though I am all for unlikeable female heroines. But this is such a baffling iteration of her character. She comes off as a stalker in the first episodes, then she's bossy yet she doesn't seem to actually plan or have good strategies (all is deferred to Percy really), then she sort of uses "the power of friendship" to resolve things but never her growing wisdom in too. Yes, she could be weird and caring and smart but they didn't nailed any of those traits. But my biggest gripe is that they didn't make Annabeth nerdy enough! Annabeth recalls a lot of facts during the show to look smart I suppose, but she rarely gets to problem solve or truly nerd out neurodivergent kid style, which I think is a huge missed opportunity.

An example, which might be very niche but it shows mu issue with her characterization and I have to talk about it cause I'm a physics nerd (literally, it's my major), the part in the ST Louis Arch in episode 4 where she tells Percy and Grover stuff about the construction is so... basic. Like she just read it out of a tourist pamphlet or something. She just says how tall and wide the arch is and that it's symmetrical. That's it. Right...

Why didn't she mention what type of arch it is?? (A catenary arch, more specifically one that follows a weighted catenary curve. It isn't just held by "symmetry" it's tension! It's cool math!) Maybe she even mentions that it's a hyperbolic function and Percy and Grover can be like omg what are you even talking about, and she keeps going on and on about calculus and architecture, like a neurodivergent kid would about their interests. I mean, sure she's like 12, but she's supposed to be like a gifted kid, daughter of Athena, right? She probably knows some of the science and engineering behind the arch. Missed opportunity. Or maybe it's just that I see so much of myself in Annabeth and it hits too close when they can't make her justice. Idk. Like having a true nerdy, brilliant, neurodivergent, bossy but caring, black Annabeth would have been amazing. I guess the world wasn't ready for that.

This was episode 4 and the episodes are getting better...

Annabeth and Luke's relationship also suffers a lot from telling and no showing. Why don't we have flashbacks?? Such a missed opportunity for a show. As a rule, showing isn't superior to telling, but these two techniques need to be balanced in the writing, they can be combined too to serve the story during a specific scene or passage. In this case, telling was the wrong way.

For Luke, if they want his arc to have the emotional hit it has in the book, they really needed to build his character more and give him more screen time! Which could have been done with flashbacks. Because with Annabeth's stoic acting, too, we don't really get the emotional reactions appropriate to the events she recounts. So how are we going to feel with the betrayal since the relationship hasn't been built strongly so far? Nothing. We'll feel nothing.

Annabeth's actress is doing her best with what she's given she portrays her like she's in a Disney Channel kids sitcom from the 90s, deadpan but snarky, which is not a flavour of acting that helps this adaptation. This might be a larger directing issue, though, because Percy barely reacts when he sees his mother "die" in front of him.

Anyway, Flashbacks and narration could have saved this series alone, tbh. We don't even know how Thalia looks like! How are we gonna know it's her at the end of the book with the fleece reveal??

Ok, disclaimer, I didn't finish the show. I got distracted and bored and couldn't be bothered. I think I stopped after the Underworld episode (episode 7 I think.) I couldn't be bothered to watch the finale even with Toby Stephens in it. That's how enthusiastic I am about this.

Also a bit of a nitpick but why isn't it explained why are Percy and Sally are stuck with Gabe in the first place? About his scent? Why is the abuse so... sanitized too? Like yeah, we could have a more psychological and verbal form of abuse situation, of course, but we also didn't get that? Gabe was just unpleasant and a bit of a jerk, pathetic, but that was basically all. Also, no explanation for the blue food?? When it's such insight into Percy's relationship with his mom?? So much EXPOSITION in this series yet they missed many of the important parts!

Disney watered down Sally too. They really did. Her makeup is nice though.

So... yeah, they could be doing so much more with all the characters.

Concluding thoughts:

I don't hate the show (the visuals are great and Walker Scobell's acting is amazing, such a young talent!), but every time I finish watching an episode, I'm just bored and underwhelmed and wished I had done something else with my time.

I know it's frustrating that in previous decades usually had 20+ episodes, plus season 1 and 2 being shot side by side so we didn't even have to wait and fear of cancellation after so little; shows really don't have to be perfect from season 1, they need room to grow, but they have to have SOMETHING to pull the viewer in from the beginning, to make them stay. Anything! This show is giving me nothing to work with. I do hope the show gets better in season 2, and I understand that the 8-episode-season model is a constraint for writers, but I still think it could have done much better with the resources it did have.

For example, Black Sails had an infamous first season, but then it grew to be what imo is the best show ever put to TV. And yes, it took a while for it to find its perfect footing, but it was like a delicious cake that maybe has some bad frosting but the foundation is there, it just needs polishing and a few changes. But this PJO show doesn't live up to its potential and it's just so frustrating because I wanted to love this show so much but I'm finding it difficult to think of anything that I truly loved about it other than Walker Scobell's acting and course Toby Stephens (but I already love him from his previous work so it hardly counts).

Honestly, I'm a little bit tired of discourse going around saying that critiquing a show from season 1 is not acceptable because the show hasn't finished growing and we want a second season, we don't want the criticism to affect a season 2. But this is irrelevant and that's not how media criticism works. People can get very on board with good shoes from 1 season alone. That's no excuse. There are genuinely good book adaptations out there that make changes for the better and get a good foothold from the get-go! Look at Lockwood & Co, OPLA or Anne with an E. It can totally be done. The criticisms we have are precisely because we love the books, because we wanted this adaptation to succeed, because we wanted to love it, but it disappointed us. And we are allowed to voice that, as long as is done in good faith.

I'm happy this show got renewed because of the fans who enjoyed it, love the Percy Jackson series, it is truly dear to my heart, but would I be sad if the show was cancelled? Honestly, no. I couldn't care less what happens to this show at this point. Why should I? I was given no reason to care, aside from my already existing love for the books. I'm not intrigued about how they're going to adapt book 2, I didn't connect with the characters, I wasn't having fun. Nothing. And sure, I want young kids to be introduced to Percy Jackson, great if it's through this show, I want younger generations to love this series too, but I don't know any gen alpha who would enjoy such a show. (Hell, I really wanted my audience-age-appropriate niece to love it, but she couldn't care less about it and jeez, I wonder why...) Kids deserve better shows than this.

Will I watch season 2? Idk. Maybe? I can put it in the background while doing something else perhaps. I do hope they improve stuff but I don't have my hopes up. Will I watch episode 8? No. Life's too short. I already read the books so why bother (hehe)

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onlycosmere · 11 months ago

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What book sequel are you STILL waiting for?

marsh642: It's been weeks since Brandon Sanderson released a book. I hope he's doing ok /s

PattableGreeb: One day I hope to be like that guy output-wise. Not necessarily in terms of volume, but like, the sheer ability to just get into it and commit without much fuss.

erossthescienceboss: I’m a writer, and deeply envy his ability to work within a schedule and use his time. Has he ever experienced writers’ block? At all? Like, I’m in nonfiction — I don’t even do creative writing! Yet so often, it’s like pulling teeth.

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott is a great book for those of us prone to writers’ block and procrastination (I related to Anne’s writing struggles deeply, and often wonder if she has undiagnosed ADHD) but I’d love to read a Sanderson guide to Actually Writing and Getting Shit Done.

Brandon Sanderson: I'd say that what you do, in nonfiction, is a different beast than what I do. I find nonfiction like pulling teeth too, sometimes!

Of course, fiction can be like that too. I do experience writer's block, but I am fortunate in several ways. One is that I managed to build a very good work ethic during my unpublished years, one I was mostly able to maintain after going professional. I also found a multitude of strategies for dealing with writer's block that have been helpful.

Once in a while, a book just doesn't work, though, and I DO abandon it and get into a funk for a while.

Simple guide for me is:

1) Make manageable goals.

2) Write consistently, and develop habits. Long hours are not as good as consistent hours. Crunching on a book burns you out. Instead, I follow the Stephen King method of shooting for around 2k words a day.

3) If I get into a funk, write anyway, planning to throw those words away. Then re-read them the next day and see if they are actually terrible, or if I was in a funk. Most common result if the words are bad is this: writing them gives my brain something to fix, and it does, giving me a new scene to try. But if I just stop, and don't write the bad words, I get stuck.

4) In emergencies, having something fun and different to work on can give a breather. This is where the Secret Projects came from.

Good luck! Don't know if that helps, but I hope it's at least interesting.

xXCoffeeCreamerXx: Step 2 is where I get caught up. I know I need to build good habits, but I simply can’t get started/stay consistent enough to form those habits. So is there a tip 1.25, 1.5, 1.75?

Brandon Sanderson: There is, but it's unfortunately not going to be quite as useful. That's the step that is most likely to be the tough one, but diagnosing what is causing it is a little like trying to diagnose a disease from a headache. Basically anything can cause you to have trouble building the habits, and so general advice is tougher to give. The solution will really depend on your personal psychology.

How have you built other habits? What motivates you? (Loaded question, I know.) An easy trick is to put your writing time just before or after something you do every week already, and don't have trouble remembering to do. Have a weekly raid with the WoW team? Add writing in before it for two hours. Go to the gym on a Saturday? Build a playlist of mood music for your story, imagine it while there, then stop at a library/cafe always on the way home and write for a few hours as part of the weekly routine.

Involving others in your life can help. Telling them your goals, and getting their buy-in to make you responsible. Starting/joining a writing group (which isn't for everyone, mind you, but works for some of us) so you have a responsibility to submit can work too, depending on if you're the type who will fill bad not having something to share each week after you promised to do so.

Like the cafe suggestion above, a lot of people have more success building a habit if it's something they go out and do--rather than something they do at home, particularly if you're trying to write in a space where you ordinarily relax.

But really, there's a WHOLE lot going on inside of us in regards to motivation, and the individual brain brew is unique to us all. I am helped by keeping a spreadsheet of work done, so I can watch the numbers count up and see my progress. Others I know need a stick or a carrot. Others work on a yearly habit (writing during the summers as a teacher, for example) rather than a weekly one.

And all of that is assuming you're not avoiding writing for other reasons, such as performance anxiety, fear of the blank page, or a sense that something's wrong with your story you don't know how to fix.

Best of luck. Like I said, the advice here might not be as good/relevant as either of us would like. But maybe there's something in it you can take away.

#writing advice #long post #brandon sanderson #cfsbf #root #branderson

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marabarl-and-marlbara · 5 months ago

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Hi Mara,

Do you have any advice for those struggling with desire (or lack thereof, rather), getting things done and enjoying it?

I’ve been in a bit of a rut, I was persuaded that the issue was with brain chemicals, as usual, and that I’ve been indulging in way too many ‘cheap pleasures’ that I had to cut out of my life in order to actually be able to live and enjoy life. It didn’t work, and now I find it harder than ever to do things which, I think, used to give me pleasure: playing video games, watching anime, reading, net surfing. It feels as though the only things I find more or less easy to start and continue doing are obligations forced on me from the outside, by people or otherwise, and to get out of work, buying groceries, eating, empty pleasantries, conforming—means certain death, and so I have no other choice.

I wonder if there’s a way to live without having to have a guillotine blade always hanging above my head, swish-swoosh.

Love your art and writing. Hope you have a good day today. Peace!

my notes from church this morning;

well anonymous, i think you are the second person in the past several months to ask me this specific thing and mostly i:m bewildered here as: "nothing in life gives me much joy" has been my stated 'thing to whine about' as a general theme--and if i can:t help myself, surely i can:t help you or another, either;

though that:s not necessarily true, and i think mostly how you view your issue shapes the root of your pains; if you view it as something dearly in need of fixing: my sincere advice is to start shedding all the dumb pride you have surrounding your problem (half saying this vaguely, but also half sincerely gesturing at how you frame yourself as 'having a guillotine' weighed against you like the worst thing in life is to have obligations and conformity) and bite the therapeutic bullet and be open to treating your little psychiatric demon--may-be you have ADHD and starting medication could bleed some passion back in-to you: surely they'd know better than you or i.

how i deal with it, or how i have dealt with it, is mostly to just recognize this 'lacking' as part of my person and material, and the consequence of becoming a penance for me to live with; in recognizing the issue as a penance with which i venerate these pocks inside me and the relationship with the goodly material i find some purpose, and some purpose in-turn makes the "lack of joy" feel less consuming and whole: as there is goodly material around the pocks, sure enough; and sure enough: though i whine about art being uninteresting, and writing being boring, and tricking myself with exercise/work/chores as an excuse to listen to audiobooks and anime: i still find some precious slants of joy slipping through blinds i had thought shut; food has gone mostly tasteless but sometimes i:m surprised; games have gone dull but i love watching grubby wc3 videos and catching a warm little spark of child-me's fascination with blizzard games; obligations of work and chores can feel like my body is slowly being ground away in monotony, but gosh do i love listening to stephen king audiobooks (i:m on The Dead Zone right now, finished Mr Mercedes two nights ago); and sometimes the sun even rises: i:ve been excited to read in quiet hours again, and i:ve been forcing myself to write a few paragraphs for my isekai-fiction in the mornings.

if little whispers from the heart, in turn whispered to it by these little nibbling voices everywhere, make it such that you think the icon with which you are sculpting is infested and ruined, and that your tools in turn you hold are both infested and ruined, then the whole world itself will become ruinous and infested--but never is it that way completely, unfortunately, and its both of our burdens to bear always having hope.

the guillotine is imaginary, anonymous, even if death is guaranteed eventually. take care!

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keyboardandquill · 11 months ago

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I keep getting writer's block in every. single. scene.

so, a while back I wrote a post about writing badly on purpose as a motivation for myself and others to push through when we feel our writing isn't good enough.

while I still stand by what I wrote in that post, I've still been struggling with achieving and keeping forward momentum. I keep getting bored with what I'm writing, and this happens on every single scene.

eventually I figure out where the block is, fix it, and move on. but it inevitably happens again.

recently, I read a post I read about undercutting tension by @septembercfawkes.

in the post, September talks about writing tension threads through to their conclusion while balancing additional threads of tension in the background so the scene doesn't take a nose dive once that conclusion is reached.

I realized, hey! that's what's been happening to me!

so...... how do I overcome that? it's not as easy as simply Doing. I have to figure out why I keep copping out on my tension.

For me, I think it's a combination of things.

first, I have ADHD and find it difficult to finish stuff (including scenes!) because I'm already thinking of the next scene or project.

second, I'm a pantser (for the most part), so I don't often know how a scene is going to end. that often translates to summarizing what happens next in only a paragraph or two so I can get on to the next scene.

third, and I think this is the big one: I get tunnel vision. In my focus on getting from point A to point B, I simply forget about every other thread of tension I have going.

there isn't much I can do about the ADHD, but the pantsing + tunnel vision combo? I can work with that.

I don't "Plot" in general because, in telling the whole story like that, my brain says I'm done and tries to move on to another project. However, I think I'll personally benefit from some limited planning. Micro-plotting the scene I'm about to write, and ONLY that scene.

the funny thing is, I've known for a while that I find it helpful to note what needs to happen in the current scene. I think I still struggled despite that because I wasn't consciously aware of the need to pay attention to my tension. (pay at...tension? eh? eh? anyone?)

anyway, I think I'll come up with a list of generic questions to ask myself before I move on to the next scene or chapter to help keep myself focused on the big picture.

(this is a reminder to myself not to consider these questions set in stone, and not to worry too much about answering them if I'm in a flow state with my writing during a given session. this is also a reminder to you as a writer, if you're still reading after that atrocious pun I made two paragraphs back. <3)

the questions will include:

do the characters need to react to something major that happened last scene?

did the characters learn something they have to follow up on/debate about?

what threads of tension were resolved last scene?

what threads of tension are still on-going as of the end of the last scene?

what new threads of tension might start in this upcoming scene?

I might make the questions their own post, now that I think about it. I'm also going to write them on a sticky note and put them above my monitor so they're close at hand. otherwise they're out of sight, out of mind. (which is another problem I have related to the tunnel vision. because I'm so focused on the Point of what I'm writing in a given moment, I'll forget to look at scene structure, which is an important part of Not Getting Writer's Block. so it goes.)

anyway, thanks for following along with my rambling, and I hope I said something that helps you in your own process! happy writing! <3

#rambling #this is basically an entry in my Writing Journal because i'm talking myself through this lol #writeblr #writing advice #writing community #writer's block #tension #scene structure #writing tips

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notafragileegg · 8 months ago

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Ever felt extremely tired / straight up fell asleep due to boredom? Congratulations! You might have experienced this weird thing called "intrusive sleep".

(I am gonna link a few sources, it's a really fascinating thing) Intrusive sleep is such a weird thing. It happens particularly often in people with ADHD.

Our nervous systems apparently just disengage out of SHEER BOREDOM! It might lead to drowsiness or collapse on the spot due to abrupt tiredness.

Apparently, it happens because our brains see no point in "wasting energy" on the current task

Article 1 | Article 2

My personal experience with this is something I'd like to share. I luckily don't have the variant where I just suddenly drop to the floor and sleep. I occasionally get extremely tired and drowsy when I don't know what to do / get overwhelmed with a boring task. It's like an INTENSE feeling of tiredness that takes over my entire body and sensory processing. Things start moving slower, my thoughts start forming into dreams and I fall asleep within 1-2 minutes for a couple of minutes to an hour.

This is extremely difficult to handle when I have to listen to a monotone teacher, watch a documentary, or even read a book. My brain just goes "oh... well, fuck this" and just sends me to sleep.

The part that annoys me most is when I tell people about this problem I have, that's actually impacting my ability to live like I want to, some have told me that I should be thankful for being able to fall asleep on command. The thing is, this is not a restful sleep, nor is it like a nap, it's almost like I just lose all motor ability, skip a bit of time, and wake up like nothing happened. Maybe my hand is sore because I fell asleep on top of it, but that's pretty much the only change besides a bit of left-over drowsiness. + IT HAPPENS WHEN I DON'T WANT IT TO

I have only recently tried to do something against it after realizing it's most likely an ADHD thing - so I took the approach of pumping myself with AS MUCH GOOD STIMULATION AS I CAN HANDLE until I am awake; I put on some music, get some easy snacks, fill my water bottle with cold water and just hope, that that's enough to basically stop my brain from deactivating me temporarily.

Intrusive sleep is definitely something I want to learn more about and might make a follow-up post about. I just had this intense urge to write a post at 2am (this definitely doesn't help with my other sleep issues lmao). I just hope it's legible and hopefully somewhat interesting to read.

#neurodiversity #adhd #actual adhd #actually adhd #intrusive sleep #adhd problems #adhd things #adhd brain #adhd experience

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bg-brainrot · 7 months ago

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Sooooo curious as to your writing process. What is it like ? How do you come up with plot points ? Or how do you decide one idea is better than another ? Where do you find inspiration ? Sorry for so many questions !

Hello Anon! No need to apologize, these are all awesome questions ✨✨ thanks for asking them!

This is going to be a long one, so a quick read more...

I'm actually going to answer them out of order, so I hope you don't mind!

A quick disclaimer: this is just how my brain approaches it, but everyone is different! Also I'm a fanfic writer doing this in my free time, none of this is professional advice or anything so take it with a grain of salt.

Where do you find inspiration?

I am one of those people who cannot stop reading, writing, watching, listening, etc. because if I'm left alone with my thoughts for too long nothing good will come of it lol. So I am constantly, constantly doing something, usually two things if I can (writing and listening to music, working out and reading webtoons, playing games and listening to audio books, playing D&D and doodling, embroidery and watching TV, the list goes on). So, to answer your question: everywhere!

Every thing I do, even if I ended up hated it, is such great inspiration to draw from. If I were to give a few things extra props, I would say D&D is phenomenal experience in putting yourself in various characters shoes and learning how to react, and webtoons are great for tropes/subverting them as well as pacing (both good and bad hah). Edit to add: Anime. I've mentioned I based my fic's arcs on anime arcs and completely forgot to list it-- very key to my inspiration!

Also lots and lots of hobbies and I will always try anything once. I've rock climbed, I've crocheted, I've done pottery, I've lockpicked (for real), I've danced, I've metal worked, I've done martial arts, etc. ADHD helps with this one 😅

Real life experiences are super helpful, but it's kind of harder to pinpoint how those are inspirational, they just kind of are.

How do you come up with plot points?

I think I once vaguely mentioned that writing BG3 fanfic feels like playing solo D&D. And that's basically how I approach plot points!

So rather than like, this happens then this happens, I look at it as if I have a framework of what I would like to happen, with certain beats that need to be met, but then I just kind of let the characters roleplay that out. Sometimes it leads to things I wasn't expecting, sometimes I need to pivot like a DM with an unruly party lol. But, since I'm working with a framework, it's usually really easy to write around the characters' choices.

For the framework itself, I usually just have a vague idea that I try to poke holes into until it turns into something bigger. So like, "reincarnation story" -> how long are they dead? Is that long enough to be impactful? Why do they care about their previous life? In what ways can they pick up from where they left off and in what ways can't they?

I do the same with one-shots to be honest: "proposing to Astarion" -> who would be involved and how? How would Tav's behavior change? How would Astarion interpret that? How would Tav react to him and pivot?

It's just a lot of questions 😂

How do you decide one idea is better than another?

This is kind of tough to do, and not always a conscious choice I'd say, but roughly two factors:

1. Is this true to the character? Which idea am I more likely to go 'oh yes, he would absolutely do that'? And if they both seem equally likely, which idea would lead to the character experiencing more growth or more actual challenge?

2. Do I like it? Honestly, the most important one for someone like me with ADHD. Because if I don't like it, it won't get written lol. If I like two ideas, but one of them is pulling me toward it with half written dialogue and full on scenes playing in my head, I know which one I'll pick every time.

What is your writing process like?

With all of the above said, my writing process is kind of all over the place. But a very, very rough outline, using one of the one-shots rotting in my drafts as an example...

First comes the idea. Ex: 'Tav and Astarion sparring early game'

Then comes a rough framework. Ex: you're sparring with a party member -> Astarion is watching, amused -> you convince him to spar you somehow -> sparring happens -> Astarion is impressed, intrigued

Then usually comes dialogue (though admittedly sometimes this comes first hah), because I like to build around the decisions they make. Ex: "Oh my dear, surely you can do better than that!" -> first thing I wrote for the fic. Kind of sets the mood, the tone.

Then I kind of write whichever scenes either need to be added to help me understand where the story is going or I add the scenes I want to write (knowing that's a dangerous game, since I might lose interest if all the fun is done upfront).

Once I'm done writing, I reread it once for typos, flow issues, inconsistencies and the like. If I read it too many times I start to overanalyze it, so I try to just release it into the world before that happens lol.

A few added steps that don't always happen:

If I get stuck on a scene: I read the sections leading up to it out loud, hoping my mouth will just fill in the rest (works out a lot of the time 😂)

If I don't like the way the dialogue sounds: I put on my best Astarion and Tav accents and act it out. Usually helps me figure it out or at least catch where it's snagging.

If I think something a character does just isn't making sense: 'ugh, that's ridiculous, why would you do that?' -> usually it means I either didn't set the scene up right, didn't give it enough background or context, or I'm not understanding the motivations enough-- all of which I need to go back and flesh out more.

If I don't like what I'm writing anymore: deadly for a brain like mine, really, but I've found ways around it pretty well. First, reread the fic! I usually want to know what happens next and my brain will kick back into high gear. Then listen to a song that evokes the feel I want from the fic. Sometimes I'll listen to it on repeat as I'm driving, doing dishes, playing a game. Like it's infusing into me lol. And if neither of those work, I try to give myself a challenge. Like, write a sentence and see if I can make it fit into the fic -- it doesn't actually need to go into the final version, but the challenge is what gets me up and going.

Anyway! That was a whole lot. I hope some of it was helpful, and most of it made sense hah. Again, thanks so much for the question anon! I love answering these ❤️

#anon #ask #writing process #fic writing #writing advice #sort of? i dont know if my process makes sense for everyone haha

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novelcain · 2 years ago

Note

I have a small head cannon now with my version of reader that I wanted to share with you:

She has a lotus pin in her hair due to her association with Quanyin and it has the added bonus of extra protection (like a protection seal)

Just wanted to share, now I’m going back into my hole to finally finish a fic that’s been giving me writers block for two months now.

*gets slapped with writers block in the face*

Gosh darn it….

(By the way any tips on how to overcome writers block?)

That's a pretty interesting idea. Like a lil fashionable talisman~

And good luck with your writing hope you can get through the writers block

As far as tips go, I unfortunately can't help much in the writer's/artist's block since I don't really get it.😬 If anything I just get bursts of laziness where I don't wanna pick up my laptop cause that's too much effort and so end up curled up in my nest scrolling through tiktok all day. But to remedy that, I just force myself to pick up my laptop or @lovesick-ritz will kindly hand it to me so I can get things done.

So here's the tips that I could think of:

Set a designated area or method for writing (ex. I only write on my laptop bc I've assigned it mentally as my preferred place to write)

Make it as easy as possible for you to write (ie. leave the writing tabs open. I personally never have word closed there's always at least my notes tab open but I usually have at least 3 word tabs don't ask me why I'm addicted to keeping tabs open)

Try to get rid of as many distractions as you can like unneeded social media (having a tumblr tab open is always my down fall cause I get distracted by asks)

Since I have adhd and autism complete silence honestly distracts me more than anything so I like to play this 10 hour thunder storm video on YouTube (this also helps with my tinnitus in case anyone else got that)

Another thing I've been told that help is just start writing little notes or just anything at all and maybe that'll spur you into what you want to be writing

Also some random tips if found useful when it comes to writing/drawing:

If you hyperfixate on writing and drawing for long periods of time like I do (like I'm talking about 8 hour sit down don't move sessions) get water and a couple snacks before you start and be sure to stretch at least once an hour

Remember to specifically do full hand stretches to avoid carpal tunnel and writer's/artist's arthritis

Try to get up and walk around as much as possible (if you can as someone with walking issues I know that isn't always easy or even possible)

One thing I like to do to rest my eyes and brain is after a few hours I'll go to Spotify and play a few songs (or in my case one song on repeat I've been particularly obsessed with the Epic sagas since they've come out and have been constant listening to Survive in the Cyclops saga) with your eyes closed. Staring at a screen all day can be harmful to your eyes and brain.

And for drawing with adhd, if you're working on a long piece it can get frustrating to work on one part for long periods of time so keep in mind that if you're start to feel bored or tired with the part that you're working on it's ok to move to a different part. (ie. you've been working on the hair for a while and start to feel understimulated to move to the face or even a completely different area so get that stimulation) It's not like a story where you gotta remember plot points and continuity the whole thing is right there so just work on whatever part catches your fancy. Or hell if you get bored just draw lil scribbles for a second in a corner somewhere until you feel up to going back to the piece.

Please keep in mind while reading these that I by no means have healthy habits. As I stated I hyperfixate on projects and will often neglect my human needs for extremely long periods on accident; however, I am lucky enough to have a very attentive partner that reminds me and encourages me to take care of myself and helps me when I can't. (Love you Ritz. Literally couldn't live without you~ mwah💜)

HOWEVER! Because of this I am extremely used to living with unhealthy habits and have an OBSENE amount of tips for dealing/living with them so if anyone wants some autism/adhd/depression/anxiety (all of which I have kinda extreme forms of) life tips lemme know and I'll write a whole essay for you. Tho again I will say these tips are not cures. These conditions are permanent so these tips would just be ways to make living with them a little easier. (Honestly I might just make that post even if no one asks for it on the off chance that helps even one person)

#skittle answers #isekai'd to the west #isekai'd to the west headcanons #tips for writers #tips for artists #advice #writer's block

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rosalesbeausderholle · 1 year ago

Text

I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know if it's due to being too much on That Damn Phone TM or some type of ADHD or both or neither but I've been suffering for so many years. At first I thought it was just my depression which made it hard to keep focused (which coincided with my final years in highschool which were the only ones where I really had to spend any extended period of time studying, before that I had enough with half an hour of studying) but then I got better and I still couldn't pay attention to anything anymore.

I am unable to start studying for any subject until it was 10 pm the previous night. It takes two pages to lose my concentration. I am unable to finish a project until 6 a-fucking-m the day it is due. How did I make it through uni with relatively good grades? Who the fuck knows? I spend hours and hours and hours working but 80% of that time is lost because first I have to fight against myself to not let my mind wander. I end up in a panic whenever I have three tasks at the same time. I've tried everything under the sun, every app, every method, every reward system.

This year wasn't the first year I had a job, but it was the first year where I had a job AND studied AND had an internship thing at the same time. I feel like I haven't had a single moment of rest since October. I had to do extra hours to finish my work tasks because I couldn't concentrate on them during work hours, which took time from my university homework hours which took time from my internship hours on and on and on. The last two weeks of last semester I was sleeping 3 hours a night. Working on finishing my papers from 6 am to 3 am, only to barely write anything the whole day because again 80% of the battle is against my brain.

I thought this semester would be different, I only have two classes, my job and my thesis, how bad can it be? Well, here I am, 40 days to handing my thesis in. I still only have 10 pages out of 60 (aiming for 30 this weekend though because I'm delusional and my mom will pay me cash money for it).

And I've gone to different therapists and psychiatrists and they're all like "well it technically can't be ADHD because the difficulties started when you were 16" and yeah technically and I'm sure social media addiction did not help at all but like the only reason the difficulties started when I was 16 was because I never needed to actually study before. Like I could learn everything from one reading because it was easy to me. As for homework, if I could get away with it I did wait until the very last day to do it. The days in which I didn't do that was when I did my homework while my mom (who is a teacher) tutored my cousins so we did all our homework together. Even now I need her to help me stay focused by setting me challenges to finish on time.

I don't know, I hope desperately that with some medicine this would be better, but I'm tired I'm so tired of this being my life, I'm convinced I'll end up having a heart attack just from sheer stress. I don't know what to do anymore.

#liveblogging my life

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oleander-nin · 4 months ago

Note

I don't know if ☄️ started an odd uptick in your named anons (🍵 and 💤 for instance) but regardless I love them dearly hello Ollie's new anons >:D

Anyways I've been preoccupied with stuff but it's the weekend now so I thought,, hm. I'm bored I'm going to send Ollie things

✧─── ･｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

SURPRISE IT'S CHECKLIST TIME:

If it's later in the day, have you eaten yet?

(I think your time zone is 1 hour behind mine if I recorded that correctly-)

Did you sleep well? (If you didn't and you're tired, take it easy please)

Who am I kidding you're tired all the time anyways lmao I HOPE YOU CAN NAP OR SOMETHING <3

Take your meds if you have any!

Writing this reminded me to take mine-

Hows the hygiene? Brush your teeth or shower if you need it

I JUST NEED TO REMIND MYSELF TO BRUSH MY TEETH MORE SO I FIGURED MAYBE OTHERS DO TOO-

DRINK WATER

Drink water. Everyone needs to drink more water. If you think you've drank enough you're probably wrong drink more water-

This applies to anyone seeing this btw not just Ollie <3 hello Ollie's followers are you annoyed yet? >:)

✧─── ･｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

That concludes basic stuff so now I'm gonna give extra little things I need to remember for myself that I think might apply to you or others seeing this lmao

(I've been feeling kinda bad about not drawing as much as I wanted. so I figured this might apply to you too)

There's nothing wrong with not being productive for a bit. Whether it's writing or drawing or whatever thing you feel pressured to do.

There's nothing wrong with taking your time to do those things! There's a multitude of reasons but I can explain them another time

Something something about that comparison I made in an older ask about the human body/mind and a machine. You remember that one? (I can't get out of the ask thing to find it because it'll get rid of all this but Y'KNOW THE ONE)

DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO DO THE HOBBY IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT! BRO IT'S FINE YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE NOT RUNNING OUT OF TIME-

(This next one's just something I realized recently. Idk if it's true for everyone but I'll share it anyways) I think even things I LIKE to do are tiring. I don't know how. Drawing and even playing a video game is tiring. Talking to friends online is tiring. This only really becomes a problem if something else is leeching all my energy, because otherwise it's definitely ALL worth it. What I'm trying to say is that things might take effort even if you like doing them or if they're supposed to be a relaxing thing (like,, idk Minecraft. I still have to think and respond to things and reaction time and planning and blah blah blah these things take mental energy I often don't have) I'M JUST SAYING IT'S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT- YOU'RE NOT LAZY FOR NOT DOING A THING BECAUSE IT MIGHT ACTUALLY TAKE MORE ENERGY THAN YOU THINK- (writing especially, in my opinion. Idk how you do it-)

MAN these are always so much longer than I want them to be but,, yeah I hope this helps you (or anyone else reading)

Remember self care y'all! and don't pressure or force yourself to do things (looking directly at you Ollie /lh)

Oh yeah also Ollie you give me the feeling you have adhd (saying that as someone with horrible adhd) but I won't go into that-

OKAY BYEEE ILY <3

So proud of you 8-bit, you started a fad/lhj

I have eaten :D. My stomach did it's job and informed me I was hungry for once. Have you?🤨 Also I have no clue what your time zone is lmao

I slept pretty decent! Not as tired as I was yesterday, so that's good.

But I hate my meds they're grosssssssssssssssssss. Did take them but bleh.

I just ate, I should go brush my teeth thankies-

Does milk count?

"Imagine a machine that needs maintenance. If you don't make time to schedule the maintenance, it'll break when you're not expecting it. That's the same for a human. If you don't schedule time for breaks, your body or brain will do it for you." This machine analogy? I do remember it and your incredible wisdom. I'll try to abide by it more😔

Also completely agree w/ your last thing. I like to draw, I like to write, but it sucks sometimes. Heck, I can't even bring myself to watch my favorite shows just because I don't have the energy to actually watch it. Thank you for the list of affirmations(?), I needed it. I've been trying to write, but it's getting harder with my interests split lol.

Don'e worry about them being long! I really don't mind, it's fun to read them. Ily2, bye!/plat

#asks <3

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zenaidamacrouras1 · 2 years ago

Note

Heyo! For the wrapped ask, number 13? Stucky?

Also just wanted to say you’re one of my favourite fic authors I’ve found in a while ❤️ I often anticipate the smutty stuff the most but in your fics I enjoy the in-betweens so much! The way your write children is simultaneously the most warm yet hilarious prose and it always feels so much more lifelike than I often read? Having kids probably helps lol. Sorry I’m just rambling on but you’ve brought me a lot of comfort in the past few months and I appreciate you a lot

Hope you have a good one!!! :)

Thank you for the amazingly kind sweet words - so encouraging - flattery will get you everywhere, so here is a 2500 word smutty fic inspired by this wistful little love song, and yes, I wrote this whole fucking thing last night laying in bed and edited it today in between work calls because I have ADHD, we've talked about this, my brain is very good at doing exactly what it wants and sometimes our interests align and things like this happen.

I listened to this album (So Jealous) on repeat when writing the sad chapters of my fic Tension and Tonic, so not surprised this song ended up in my top songs nor in the direction this story took.

Tegan and Sarah - Take Me Anywhere

Warning this is smutty with graphic sexytimes.

“Stop making me laugh. I'm trying to be sexy," Steve laughs.

"If you can't laugh and be sexy what are you even doing, sweetheart," Bucky drawls back and that's probably when Steve fell in love with Bucky. Unfortunately it was also during their first hook up. It was decent enough - mutual blow jobs. Bucky clearly knew what he was doing. On the surface nothing too different than Steve’s normal routine of finding a guy and blowing off some steam, but there were a lot of subtle red flags that should have warned Steve to run like hell.

Like how entranced Steve was when it was his turn to make Bucky feel good. Bucky, with his dancer's grace, with the asymmetry of his missing arm making the lines of him more perfect somehow, his long hair falling loose into his face, framing his perfect jawline, the pink O of his mouth, the dark smudge of his eyelashes. The way his elegant fingers fluttered so tenderly along Steve's cheek when he sucked in. It was. Lovely. Bucky is lovely. Lovable. It's a problem.

That first time Bucky had sort of folded Steve into his body after, pulling him up onto the couch and burying his face in Steve's hair in a way that normally would have made Steve bristle because he is small but he's not a fucking stuffed animal. But Bucky hummed and sighed in this contented way. Bucky is all bones and muscular and yet fluid and it feels powerful to be held so desperately by someone like that.

"Sorry I’m a cuddler, just shove me off when you get sick of me," Bucky hums, and laughs after a minute, and lets Steve go. "Don't make fun of me, I can't have sex with out snuggling, I should have warned you in the Grindr chat," and Bucky is easy and lax and happy and Steve could have maybe stayed longer without it being weird, but by then, he kind of wanted to stay forever so he definitely needed to go right away.

Bucky is a former ballet dancer. Well, he still dances actually, but he was a principal with the New York City Ballet till he lost his arm, a story he shrugs off easily. "My ma always said I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached and turns out it's the same for my arm? I called the Coney Island lost and found, but it wasn't there? Just kidding, it was a car accident, just glad I'm alive." He's the assistant director of fundraising for the ballet now, and does some choreography too, Steve's not sure how it all works, but Bucky is happy and charming and Steve would definitely hand over all his money to fund the ballet if Bucky had asked him. But. Bucky's never asked him to donate to the ballet. They don't talk about work stuff beyond the minimum. Steve’s just happy they talk at all.

The next week Steve's phone pings and it's Bucky on Grindr again, and apparently Bucky had a shit day and wants to get fucked, and he likes Steve's dick so, well, does Steve top? Steve saves his work, stops his time tracker, and that's all the graphics that are getting designed for today. He changes out of his work from home sweats and puts on his date jeans, and heads over to Bucky's place to take them back off again. Bucky's wearing a suit, his hair slicked back, and the arm of the suit neatly tailored up. He looks amazing, his tie just a little loose around his neck, his eyes lazy and suggestive, moving right into Steve's space and dipping his head down for a kiss before Steve can even say hello.

Steve can work with that, he pushes Bucky into the wall and spreads Bucky’s legs enough so that they're the same height and untucks Bucky's shirt so he can feel up his slim frame. Steve moves Bucky through his apartment and into his bed, and climbs on top of Bucky, and Bucky reaches into the bedtime table for lube and condoms and it's good, it's so good, and Steve can't recommend fucking a ballerina or whatever a guy ballet dancer is any higher, especially when Bucky bites hard into Steve's shoulder and keens desperately and more and more until Steve's ready to last forever if Bucky needs him to, except then Bucky's shaking apart with his one hand in Steve's hair and kissing him messily all teeth and heaving breath and that's fine. Steve loves Bucky's teeth.

After, Steve's forcibly cuddled by Bucky again, which is fine because Steve's legs are kind of rubbery because he's not as athletic as Bucky - then again, who is.

Steve cuddles with Bucky and listens to him ramble on about nothing in particular before sliding back into his date jeans and letting himself out. In his head tells himself this is a business transaction more or less. Steve is a consultant who knows how to do authentic and meaningful work for his clients and move on. A skillshare of sorts.

It sort of becomes a Friday night thing. Most Friday nights Bucky seems to have some kind of high end fundraiser related to his work at the ballet. It makes sense that Bucky can’t be hunting for a hookup while representing his work, so it’s perfectly logical that he’d touch base with Steve after for a bit of no strings attached fun. Steve doesn’t see any need to tell Bucky that he’s not seeing anyone else and also that he’d love to be Bucky’s boyfriend because, haha, what? Why would he say that?

Honestly, they barely know each other beyond Steve having every inch of Bucky’s flexible, lovely body memorized. Steve’s favorite parts are the imperfections, the freckles, the scars, the cowlick that makes his hair stick up funny if he doesn’t slather product in it. He doesn’t mention it, because what kind of asshole would mention it, but he’s transfixed by the way Bucky adapts to having one arm, because it’s just so fucking beautiful. It draws the eye, the way his liquid grace casually defies gravity. It often seems his momentum should go one way, but it seamlessly flows another, and Steve wants to draw Bucky or at least take a picture of him. But they don’t do that.

"I looked up your art," Bucky murmurs into Steve's hair one evening during their post coital cling session that maybe gets a little longer every week. Steve kind of freezes because what? He didn’t realize Bucky even knew his last name? "It's good. You're pretty badass. It's impressive. I can't draw for shit, so I was curious what kind of art you do. Maybe we could commission you at the ballet, you like drawing ballet shoes and legs and shit?"

"Oh," Steve says because, like, seriously, Bucky, do you not know what a hookup is? Steve should be getting dressed right now, not letting Bucky lazily slide his hand up and down Steve's back while talking about his art.

"It's dynamic, lots of movement, reminded me of dancing. Maybe I have a dancing brain. Everything reminds me of dancing," Bucky laughs, and his breath is hot into Steve's hair, and Steve laughs too, because laughter is the appropriate response and also dear oh dear. Yeah. Bucky Barnes is lovable.

"You had heart surgery?" Bucky asks in a sudden subject change. And Steve wonders for a minute how Bucky knows that. In his defense, he's drunk on sex endorphins and being stroked like a kitten and practically purring.

"Yeah, couple of em," Steve says. It's such an enormous scar. Obviously Bucky noticed the damn thing, they’ve been naked together close to a dozen times.

"It's all ticking away alright now though?" Bucky says softly, and Steve huffs a yes and pulls back before he falls asleep. "Should I not have asked? I feel like I have no filter about scars and shit since I got de-armed. It's like, I dunno. My injury is the first thing everyone sees. You're probably as bored as I am of talking about it."

"Did you ever have a filter?" Steve teases, and Bucky laughs hard, his head thrown back with joy, and that feels good. "Yeah, Buck, I'm pretty healthy these days."

Steve manages to escape a little while later. He looks up videos of Bucky dancing. It's only fair if Bucky's been looking up Steve's art. What he does next in the privacy of his own home when he sees Bucky's thighs in those ballet tights is his own business. All of the videos are from before the car accident. Bucky looks strange with two arms, off balance and overloaded, which makes absolutely no sense, but Steve’s just so used to Bucky’s body how it is now.

They meet up the next week, and Bucky’s freshly showered from a dance performance, which, Steve didn’t realize Bucky was performing anymore, let alone today. Bucky’s full of adrenaline and way pushier than normal, taking Steve’s mouth and getting Steve up against the wall. Usually Steve doesn’t like to be pushed around, but he trusts Bucky by now. He’s really a super nice guy. Steve couldn’t be luckier in having such a convenient sex arrangement with such a beautiful, kind, sexually compatible person. This is a thought he has briefly before Bucky grabs him by the crotch and presses their shoulders together hard, slamming Steve into the wall, and Steve’s mind kind of whites out.

After they’re laying on the floor in the hallway of Bucky’s apartment, huffing and limp and half dressed. Steve reaches into his jacket pocket, (how convenient they are still right there by the door) and takes a puff of his inhaler.

“Shit, you ok?” Bucky asks in surprise.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’m cat-sitting for a friend, got my allergies up, and you know, I know that wasn’t enough exertion to get your heart rate up, but some of us mere mortals have physical limits.”

Bucky laughs dryly. “My heart rate was up Steve. Before the physical exertion started, actually though,” he adds softly. And what is that supposed to mean?

Steve lays in bed awake half the night trying to decide if he should go to Bucky’s dance performance the next night. It’s in a massive hall, there’s no way Bucky would know. Is it too intimate? Is it too stalkery? Does he mention it after if he goes? Is it weirder if he goes and doesn’t mention it? That would be weird if he doesn’t mention it, so okay he has to mention it but does he mention it before or after he goes? The tickets are expensive too, so then it’s weird like, does he seem like he’s trying to score free tickets if he mentions it before? But then Bucky seems like the type to be annoyed if Steve pays when Bucky has free tickets on offer. Ugh.

In the end, Steve goes, and he buys the ticket and doesn’t tell Bucky, and he cries because Bucky’s dancing is amazing, and breathtaking, and every adjective, and Steve could draw only Bucky for the rest of his life and not have captured the lines, the strength of him, the defiance. He wants to explain to the person next to him that he’s not crying because he’s like inspired that Bucky is disabled, but because he’s in love with Bucky, and it’s one thing to suspect the guy you’ve been fucking with no strings attached every Friday night for months is perfect, but it’s another thing to have it proven.

Steve doesn’t mention to Bucky that he went to his performance, but he tries to put it into the way he touches Bucky the next week. Reverent. He spends close to an hour opening Bucky up with his mouth and fingers, and the sounds Bucky makes when Steve finally enters him, kissing him gently down his neck, the way Bucky’s out of athletic moves to try and wow Steve with, but just transcendently arching up, helpless with pleasure, that’s how Steve lets Bucky know he saw him dance, and he loved it, and he loves Bucky.

That night, Bucky asks him to stay the night, and Steve actually has an early Saturday meeting with a client, he’s not making it up, he even shows Bucky the calendar note, and Bucky laughs happily, and says it isn’t a big deal. But. It seems like a big deal. Steve makes sure not to schedule anything the next Saturday, in case Bucky asks again, but Bucky doesn’t ask again. Which is fine.

Then something strange happens. Steve’s locking up Wanda’s apartment from checking on her cat, and his phone pings, and it’s Bucky via Grindr, asking for Steve’s phone number. It’s actually super weird they haven’t done the phone number thing yet, honestly, Steve doesn’t even use Grindr except to confirm his weekly dates with Bucky. Steve sends his number over as he’s walking to the subway to head back home, it’s only one stop, but it’s cold.

Bucky texts him right away, asking him what he’s doing Friday. Steve says he’s open, because, duh? At this point, Steve would turn down the presidential medal of freedom if the ceremony was on a Friday night between 10 pm and midnight.

Bucky asks him what he’s doing at 6 pm on Friday, and that’s new. They almost never hang out before 10 pm, or whenever Bucky’s fundraising events wrap up. Steve’s not doing anything in particular, and says as much. Bucky asks if he’d hate wearing a suit and getting free wine? And Steve does not, in fact, hate free wine. He also has a decent suit, he thinks it’s pretty stylish still, he had it tailored a few years ago, but men’s styles don’t change as fast as women’s, which is a relief when you are not a standard human male size and have to have all your clothes custom fit to make sure you don’t look like a child wearing their dad’s dress up clothes.

Bucky asks if Steve would want to meet up with him at his fundraiser on Friday, it’s at an art gallery, and the art reminded him of Steve. Steve feels his heart pound.

S: I like free wine, wearing suits, and art galleries. Sure.

B: Another question.

S: I also like answering questions

B: Do you like holding hands?

S: Depends on the hand.

B: I mean, I only have the one.

Steve feels dizzy.

S: Yes, I would like holding your hand. One is sufficient for my needs.

B: And you would like holding my hand and going somewhere with me on a date?

S: You could take me anywhere.

#spotify wrapped writing challenge #spotify wrapped ficlet #spotify wrapped fic #this is 2500 words #it's a damn fic #I'll clean it up and post it to ao3 at some point too #stucky au #stucky fanfic #ballet Bucky #Catching feelings #is my weakness.#smut

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leorawright · 1 year ago

Note

oh my gosh how did i miss that u have overwatch matchups available???(it's a very easy answer. i am never on tumblr)

If you would be so kind as to do romantic one for me:

I am a genderfluid afab person and the only thing shorter than me is my patience. I am demisexual/demiromantic, poly, and like all genders.

I get angry really easily but hate showing it so i just end up going around in a bad mood acting like everything is ok

i have pretty bad anxiety and appreciate having someone confident enough around to help me with simple tasks(ex ordering food or speaking on the phone) but who won't make fun of me. I can also send myself into a spiral by thinking of things that stress me out. So someone who is a steady presence i always appreciate.

I enjoy all things creative. I mostly write and draw but am willing to try new things all the time.

I look at things in a very logical way. I don't like using my emotions to make decisions and i enjoy learning new things all the time. I am a naturally curious person who is always looking to expand my knowledge.

I have a mix of so many things wrong with my brain. ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression. I work really hard on them but sometimes i have days where i just struggle.

Mixed and can speak a lil bit of spanish. It isn't perfect but i can struggle my way thru most conversations.

I really like someone who is open with what i do wrong. Just tell me what i need to fix and don't make it into a whole thing. Open communication is very important to me. I don't want to feel like im walking on eggshells around them if they are too sensitive

I am a VERY determined person, once i set my mind on something i won't give up easily. I can almost be stubborn in my pursuit of goals.

I enjoy gaming, reading, watching anime/cartoons(i don't rlly like live action shows), drawing, and learning new things.

I LOVE cooking. Giving food to others and sharing a meal/snacks is a way of showing love to me. I honestly take it a bit like an insult if someone i care about isn't willing to give me a bite of food off their plate. I know it's silly so i never say anything about it or hold it against them. But to me sharing food and wanting others to experience the same good food as you is the same as saying "i love you" a million times.

I like toys and stuffed animals and cartoons and other stereotypically "childish" things. I'm not ashamed of it.. (well... usually...)

I love joking around and a good pun can get me wheezing from laughter.

I'm not much of a social person, and prefer to spend my time indoors and alone with only one or two other people. I enjoy parallel play and comfortable silences.

I hope this wasn't too much... i just can be really wordy and ramble a lot.. sorry!

I've picked out....

Zenyatta!

Definitely the calm presence you need and never ever considers making fun of you for your social anxiety.

He enjoys seeing the things you write and draw and offers genuine compliments about everything

He also encourages having direct conversations and if he ever needs to talk to you he'll get straight to the point

He thinks your determination is admirable. Just make sure you eat and drink and take breaks or else he'll get super concerned

He can't really eat any of the food you make but he wishes he could (if only to see you smile)

Expect to receive a couple stuffed animals that he saw and got because he thought of you

If you enjoy a bit of sarcastic or sassy humor then Zenyatta will definitely make you laugh (he still doesn't really understand normal jokes tho...)

Zenyatta also enjoys comfortable silence especially if he's meditating you're just doing your usual things

#overwatch x reader #zenyatta x reader #matchups

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rottytops · 1 year ago

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i definitely think the adhd medication (successfully) rewired my brain and made me seek out long term goals over short term pleasure like i have been literally my entire life so now my current goals are to unfuck my credit to move away from my shitty roomies, get my new car and actually get into an ltr lmao

SUPRISINGLY ENOUGH 2 of these 3 goals are either in progress or very obtainable ive been saving a tunna cash and i can get a new car next month after i get my license renewed and ive found this cute little studio that i can maybe move into if i get help co-signing it, then ill just camp out there until my loans are paid off in 50000 years

the last one though.,,,,its so weird. the like. burning fervor to date someone long term kinda slugged me in the back of the head! ive always WANTED a nice relationship but it was never a PRIORITY to me bc i had video games or whatever. these new feelings made me realize ive been living my life like. entirely for myself which is FINE but my standards for myself (combined with how ADHD made me content with literally anything as long as it was easy) make me like. gutter trash tier as a partner, i think. essentially as i am now, unless the other person is equal parts deranged and shitty, im utterly unlovable which is like. tough tits i guess. but if im honest about it i can at least try to change it. part of me is conflicted; if i have to change myself to become more datable, is the person really dating me, or am i just creating a false persona to get conditional love. its a scary thought but at the same time im not really changing MYSELF past getting in shape and taking care of my skin, its more im giving up on being a dopamine addicted manchild and getting my own apartment. with my own car and stuff...these are actually just completely normal goals to have and i already wanted them i just kinda have new motivation for it lmao!

you cant just force a relationship and theres no way im attracting the hoes to me in my shitty room, so i think i need to??? go??? outside??? and hang out with ppl??? utterly mortifying but when i get my car next month i think i can actually do that. id like to make more irl friends as well, i had a bunch of friends in college so. i guess ill go to more smash locals or something but outside of that sigh sigh i have no idea.

these major revelations have all hit me in like the past 2 weeks, since i started my medication and the dosage was upped, i have a lot of work to do and not that much time to do it, really!!!! i hope i can become someone like. worth keeping around in a few months time...!!! the pieces are there i just need to like, put them together....

i could write a whole thing on how mad i am that it took me so long to get medicated and how fast i became a Normal Person after being on meds but like idk that line of thinking doesnt help anybody...!! i accomplished so much even with my debilitating ADHD and now i can do so much more with a mindset that can actually handle the shit neurotypical people expect me to be able to do, considering how im literally good at everything, combined with how ive managed to survive this long with almost no real help from irl people (seriously ive gotten more assistance from my online friends than literally anybody in my family both financially and emotionally) means that me WITH medication is gonna go absolutely insane. im going to be like ultra rich this time next year, probably LMAO....or at least have a boyfriend AURHUFG

anyway if u read this for some reason i love u and also give me ideas on going out and meeting people, i think i can hold a conversation just fine but where do people even GO. do you guys think ppl at bars or whatever know about disgaea. hmmm.

#ultra long post talking abt me and my new goals since starting medication #you can also read this as me moaning about being single but. shut up.

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expressionbean · 1 year ago

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updates updates! all great things. i just want to get it out buuut nobody irl is currently available to listen to theo scream time. buckle up friends

first, i'm trying to clean up all my blogs. very excited because i'm getting more time to write now than i have the past month or so.

back to school rush is over at work. that means i don't get scheduled for shifts every single day! i will get scheduled a lot during home football games because i work in a college town in the south USA. football is a big deal here. however, i have days off now, which is really nice.

as for academics: i'm talking with one of my professors later this week about possibly seeking a master's degree in actuarial science or pursuing actuarial science in general - i like the risk management side of my degree program a lot more than i thought and a job that combines risk management with statistics and data analytics... exciting. making grabby hands right now for real.

i'm doing a bunch of stuff with WSIA (wholesale & specialty insurance association) this year as usual, including traveling to conferences if all goes well. i very well may also be traveling (on a scholarship!) to london next year, so now i'm trying to go through passport obtaining hell. it's quite the process to get one these days, but it's really exciting and feels more real than it did last year.

studying for my upcoming exams is going pretty good so far. for the non-risk management/insurance/actuarial science people, i'm trying to get a lot of certificates by january 2024 and then a few more in may 2024. for anyone who does want specifics or is just curious, the next paragraphs go over what i'm actually up to with those! feel free to skip over it lol. i'll put it under a cut so it's not too long!

i have a few exams for the cpcu (chartered property/casualty underwriter designation, very very hard to obtain and holds a LOT of weight in the industry - some companies treat it like a master's degree and those who hold it do indeed sign off with it much like lawyers sign off with JD) coming up. i won't be able to get the full designation by the end of my bachelor's degree, but i will be able to get a couple!

i found out recently that i may not have to take section 520 of it at all because i attend one of a few accredited schools in the country, and my insurance ops class lets me have a waiver for it if i pass with an 80 or higher. i don't think they'll let me have a waiver for 500 since the associated class i made literally a 79, but i'll apply anyway. the ethics portion should be easy and i can schedule that for... whenever. i just have to find a block of time where i can sit and do it.

as for the exam i'm really worried about, i'm taking the alabama department of insurance's property and casualty license exam in december. and normally, i wouldn't be worried because i love p&c, but the studying materials are so awful. they're dense and have no graphs, section breaks, spacing, pictures, nothing!

it's just hundreds of pages of text in small black serif font. i'm going to break out my dinosaur sticky tabs. and my highlighters. and i will hope my ADHD brain gets excited enough about the dinosaurs to let me read the prep manual. my professor for my p&c class is letting me quiz one of the sections on thursday and i've barely opened the book. LMAO.

anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far! i hope y'all have a lovely week.

#update post

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syneilesis · 1 year ago

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Things I've learned and realized writing the fics for Inky's one-week challenge:

I'm a very slow writer; I genuinely struggle writing at least 500 words in one sitting. On good days, I can do 200 words. Inspired, maybe more. Ficlets like ekphrasis and others take me an entire day to finish. It's probably because I start writing with only a vague idea of how to go about it, or I only know the mood but not the details. I'm self-aware enough to be cognizant of my strengths and weaknesses, and I tend to stick to what works for me.

I've always wanted to write lengthy fics! But I never was the kind of writer who could hit more than 10k-word one-shots. My style doesn't lend to that kind of length. When I saw Inky's challenge and read that the max word count per entry is 500 words, I thought to myself, Ooh, I think I can do that. Regardless of the prompts -- though they help too; dialogue and AUs lend to a broadness that appeal to my rigid brain. A 500-word fic means in most cases a one-scene fic. Which frees my mind of context necessary to establish a setting. I don't have to come up with an elaborate backstory and/or explanation why this detail is like this, that detail is like that -- AUs as a trope can fill in the missing pieces to make your fic coherent.

My first fic entry was something that I plan on writing in the future, so it's easy to write it, but it still took me longer (but still within the range of my speed). My second, third, and fourth, I tried something a bit different: I used StimuWrite, an app that helps you focus on writing -- it's also known as a writing tool useful for people with ADHD.

It has a simple UI, with a word count goal and emojis that appear whenever you type words. I chose these settings: darker background (it doesn't hurt the eyes) and typewriter sfx for that legit typing feel. I may put in a bgm from youtube or something, but sometimes I just want to listen only to the sounds of typewriter keys.

I tried StimuWrite before, but it didn't work for me. I gave it another chance this time, and oh lord it's very effective???!???!!!!! I finished 3 fics in under a day. So last Sunday I wrote give or take 2,000 words, which truly blew my mind. As an aside, I recommend you try StimuWrite; it might be effective for you too.

Because of that surprising writing streak, I continued using the app for the rest of the fics. And that writing streak persists! I feel relieved, I feel elated, I feel like I can do this. It's as if my brain loosened up enough to let me do what I want. I'll definitely use StimuWrite in my other fics too --

-- with some conditions, of course. All I know right now is that it works for me if I have a target word count in mind (under 600) and that it's only concentrated on a single scene. So I could focus on one scene whenever I open up the app. But that means that I have an outline of my fic, which isn't a problem for me because I like the mental exercise of outlining. I hope that this would help me come November, as I'll participate in Nanowrimo with my original story project.

Another point I've realized is that limiting yourself with a word count improves your editing skills. I do edit and revise my fics -- but they're mostly in the sort of 'i'll delete this passage because it no longer fits' and 'i'll rephrase this because it sounds awkward'. But in the cases of my sixth and seventh event fics, I had to pare them down because I exceeded the word count requirement. Initially I was reluctant to remove passages but I had to. So I did. I removed some bits and details of the story but rephrased others to still fit them in. I have to shorten some scenes -- and this is revelatory to me somewhat -- which is actually effective for fast-paced action scenes that needed fewer words but with the largest possible impact. Sometimes, shorter is better. It made me productive, for one.

Anyway, this got long wtf? I don't even know if I was coherent about it. There are still a lot of things I'd like to improve on -- such as relying less on my crutch words and metaphors. I haven't the opportunity to read a lot lately, so I need to try at least one page a day. The book I'm currently reading has been sitting on my desk for months. Back then, when I said I wouldn't make a list of read books per year to stop pressuring myself, I didn't mean not to read books at all lmao.

I don't know how to end this post so here's a gif of a puppy on a bowl:

#archi posts #personal reflections on writing #incoherent ramblings #long post

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