#hope I dont lose my mind now
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#house of leaves#literature#bookblr#books#horror#the abyss has looked into me#i kissed the abyss#and I didn't like it#hope I dont lose my mind now#what the fuck was that
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dragon meat, you, and me
#marcille donato#falin touden#farcille#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#tw blood#tw body horror#tw gore#as a normal farcille fan this revival has been on my mind since i first read it and getting to watch it is like yippee!!#like messy revivals are everything - the consequences that will haunt u for the rest of the time they are alive#the initial hopeful moments where it all seemed well but quickly descend to That not being the case - losing not only the bit of evidence#evidence that your dream may work out but also someone you deeply care about in the process… marcille my Beloved#ofc wholly thruout the journey - at the forefront of it - getting falin back was the most crucial point but so wuickly :(( it was lost#on the other end its crazy to think about the compoments of falin now - human - dragon (dungeon) - marcille’s magic and desperation#the food the crew cooked (digested) - she is made of many parts!!#also i did not realize how medical it feels to draw smth like this. i dont usually explore the inner parts or use a lot of blood#in my work so rendering everything and looking up refs it felt quite magical (?)#ruporas art
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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Happy Fathers Day, I'm finally on time for something!!! I don't have that much flavor this time though folks. just sweetness. that's it. hope that's cool, never too bad.
if you think this is anything but platonic then no, plz. away
#maybe no one gets this but thankfully I like looking at it so that should be enough#sorry if I'm just lathering your eyes in fluff and you weren't prepared#anyway i have some work + projects to wrap up before the end of the month + a whole outfit i had to make in a week#so unfortunately i haven't been able to pop out all of my fanart WIPs now like I had hoped#(and ill lose my photoshop account soon so I really gotta finish those)#soon. soon#fingers crossed#craziness my dudes. life is big#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#fanart#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#o!ciel#dadbastian#digital art#happy fathers day#fathers day#dont mind demon dude he's just trying out some new things.....
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World's most frustrating feeling: having multiple ideas and character designs but despite working on the thing for nearly 5 YEARS still being nowhere close to having a coherent plot 💀
#yeah ok this is UBER specific lmaoooo but u get me#idk man i think im really proud of my character designs (finally) especially the prsonas ive been designing lately#and i have a character i adore so much and i KNOW many things about him#but apparently cant come up with a decent plotline. like alirght#cool cool brain#sorry to be bitching ill probably delete this in the morning#but i was thinking about this as i was playing royal and thinking about how he would react to the situations#even thinking out dialogues and how id change small lil things now that hes there#but i cant realy go in depth if i dont have a plot to introduce him huh#yeah basically back to the drawing board again. for the like. 7th time idk i lost count#realistically these things take time i know but at some point i have GOT to resist the urge to just scrap all the stuff ive done#and start over going this time itll be different!#look in the grand scheme of things this really doesnt matter i just wanted to get this off my mind LMAOOOO#sorry friends <3 hope you dont mind me losing my mind over a fictional au i created for FUN again 💀#i will now be going to sleep because lets face it thats whats really wrong with me
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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"Who are you?" - Green Lanterns: Rebirth
#“its me.” WILD... the passive aggression..... im actually losing my mind here#“SOMEONE DIE” LIKE- SHSJSHAH#also the i hope it was guy gardner is funny to me. also such a parallel bc barry literally said that EXACT SAME THING when simon met the jl#the parallels are making me crazy.......#also simon saying that abt guy is SO funny to me actually. bc guy is literally one of his best superhero friends. probably number 2 after#b'dg tbh#like simon broke him out of prison they had a little trip together they hung out AGAIN during godhead and then a little more (but as a#group) during edge of oblivion like agduashwh#simon basically told him he should get therapy like twice#he was all like noooooo guy dont be suicidal in godhead and then all noooo dont blame yourself to guy in oblivions edge#(and them ofc kilowog was all like shut up simon guy i hope you DO blame yourself you useless asshole) and somehow that translated to a win#so ig it worked. anyways find it very funny that the second hes not hanging out w guy he badmouths him. like his initiation is complete#hes a real GL now. hes just got to do it in front of the entire corps and then his rookie status will disappear#anyways what was i saying#oh!#simonjess#simon baz#jessica cruz#swishy liveblogs#blah#panelposting
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Ever wanted to ask questions to an oc and it be bugsnax related? WELL NOW YOU CAN!!! go ahead and ask him stuff! And here’s my main blog too! @sugar-on-fries
#i don't really have a clue if this is gonna get asks or not but I hope!#bugsnax#grumpus oc#ask blog#do what you want#i dont have any thing i don't want asked YET so send them now!#Linc Rockbark#im losing my mind
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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;･∀･)
#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE#it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it#and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl#but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum#I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked#alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray#i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not#im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired#i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on#i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well#im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps#i do not have high hopes fjfkdl#MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl#i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit#augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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Wow, 8+ messages in the past 12 hours; is this what it feels to have fans?
#*regina george voice* why are you so obsessed with me?#checking hourly my blog for everything i post?? neat#in all seriousness this is actually harrasment#its kinda funny seeing someone losing their minds over me celebrating my favorite actors#but the insults are not fun buddy#and doing it on anon of course because you know you're being a homophobe and a coward#why dont you tell everyone loud and clear what you think about an actor none of us know to judge?#flashnews sweetie just because you insult him that doesnt make you a hero/not a racist#it just makes you hateful and nasty and nobody wants you here#okay so im blocking you now and stopping this bc i thought you would but you clearly can't stop being insane#and i came here to celebrate my favorite book/movie and up until now everyone has been wonderful in this fandom#so im keeping it that way#hope you find some general love in you heart#it must be awful to live with the ugly feelings you keep spewing in my inbox..#stuff
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it is 6:35 pm and i. am still at school. my carpool is. not here. help
#doesnt help that my phone is almost dead too#AAAAAAAAAGHHHHH IM WORRIEDDDDD IM WOOOORRRIIIIIED#mind you im still running on 3 and a half hours of sleep#i intended to take a nap after class but then the school suddenly suspended classes#so now i have to go home#which would be good if not for the fact that my driver was busy swapping out the seats in the van when it got announced#so really its a lose-lose all around#its getting dark and i dont like getting home late#i hope my carpool gets here soon cause if not i. idk i might just set up camp here and start hunting rats in the schoolyard
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all my old fav youtubers coming back this fall has gotten me into a mood where I've been diving back into old bands I used to listen to religiously. and i gotta say ... they all still slap
#[static]#not that i ever stopped listening to them much but ive been playing the entire album instead of just listening to favorites#so many memories tied to certain albums fkjghdf#i dont miss being a teen/in my early 20s at all life was so much harder and confusing and it was the height of my worst mental health years#but the world did feel simpler#the punk and emo scene fucked HARD in the early 2000s and 2010s#i hope we see a revival (and i feel like ive been seeing some new artists that hit that nostalgia in the right way)#i have been genuinely feeling Older recently and not in a bad way. its just funny to be in an age bracket that is a minority where i work#ppl are either way to old to know what im talking about or where literal babies when i was in school#i had to explain what camp was at work the other day and also they had no idea what rocky horror picture show was and me and the -#other gay millennial at work were losing our minds that people in their 20s hadnt heard of rocky horror#politely losing our minds of course like ... who cares if people dont know or do the things we did as young queers but also it -#- definitely made us feel older!#theyve also been playing a station that has all the music from my middle school and high school years ....#you know you're getting old when theres now a store radio station for it LOL they never play anything current
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.
#i go about my day as normal. but then moments from this week will come into my head and im a blushing mess NFNDNDNXMXMX#if this turns into something More. oh i am going to..... lose my mind NFNFDXX#idk i just... i can picture everything but its like#i dont wanna be presumptuous JFJFJFJJFJF#but at the same time i just..... i feel like this is all heading somewhere. like slowly... but theres a Destination..... its hard to explain#JDJDJDJJDJDJ#honestly ive never got this far b4 and its not even far NDJDJDJJD#like ok yes ive been on dates or like briefly dated guys but ive never really... truly... liked any of them#like now that ive seen what i can feel.... ya every other guy just seems..... !!!!! like tiny baby crushes based on like superficial things#like this time 1. im attracted 2. we're friends 3. i wanna see him all the time#those 3 things have never been present before LMAO.#like my default is liking guys from afar so they cant hurt me#but man...... the circumstances this time just lined the fuck up#same classes... same friends.... truly it was inevitable JFJDJDDDKDDK#n e way#just me talking about this Again#im just in disbelief that it might be mutual....#i just hope im not jinxing it by talking about it so mych NFNFNDND#i'll go crazy if i dont talk about it tho JFJFNNFNFNFNF#personal
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"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(
#repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns#im not unsafe btw just. :^) scared :^)#tired.#starting to stop walking on eggshells kind of. in a cowardly way. like responding some of my real thoughts but at 4am#i want to scream. im not like that but i want to yell and tell her to leave me alone forever and i just want to be able to rest !#and to not be afraid. i want to move. i want to drop off the face of the earth. i want to go to bed. i want to stay awake and on guard.#idk. im tired. im so tired and i want it to stop. it's not even a big deal.#the thinly veiled insults bother me more than anything else. insult sandwich on compliment bread.#im so pretty im so stupid im so funny. im smart im too insecure im beautiful. im the most interesting person she knows im evil im talented#it's not even the worst thing it just pisses me off so much. do you think this is helpful to say? do you think this is normal?#do you think you'll get what you want insulting and belittling me as long as you tell me you think im attractive?#it's always how pretty i am. like some superficial bullshit is going to make up for an insult or make the insult disappear#and everyone else gets to leave but if i leave she'll die and it'll be all my fault and this is just like x y or z#and didnt i know she almost experienced trauma as a child but didnt? and how that effects her?#fuck. i hope she sees this tbh. how fucking insulting to see something someone's experienced and say that couldve maybe happened to me#but the person who couldve done it lives in another country and never came here.#what the fuck. what the fuck.#so it didnt happen to you? you cant lay claim to it at all? yet you think you understand me or that even if it did happen it's all the same#im going to lose my mind. im so. fucking. over it. but im a coward and i dont want her to die so ill grin and bear it.#and she'll tear out all my skin and ask if it's a little too much and ill say it's fine and she'll say im so gorgeous but i'm disgusting#but at least im kind. and ill say okay. because if i say anything else it's a threat on her fucking life.#tbh im only posting this now bc i know no one will likely read it. perpetual coward when it comes to this shit#because if i tell someone the full extent they'll ask why i didn't leave sooner. but i did!#i left and i got bombarded and overwhelmed and i was so tired of being scared of running into her everywhere#and i just. eased back in. and said it would be less this time. and it is so much more. it is so much worse.#ive lived in that fear before and i was so tired of it. it was a big reason i moved so far for college. and i cant just run away#so this seemed better. but it's so much worse. id rather hide every day of my life. keep an eye out everywhere and run away.#it wasnt so bad really. it was tedious and nauseating and i only ever explained it to one person. but it wasnt impossible.#this is much closer to impossible. this is soul crushing every day. and the things she does arent even as bad i dont think#it just doesnt stop. at least in high school i eventually got it to stop. i just had to be avoidant. this. wont stop.
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Chat I swear I'm not dead, I was just too deep into genshin trying to win a character I really wanted
BUT I GOT HIM, SO 🗣️☝️🗣️☝️
LOOK AT HIM, HES REALLY LOW LEVEL RN CUZ I LITERALLY JUST GOT HIM BUT YEAH
But I swear I'll draw stuff, I'm fixating on my spidersona again so I might info dump about that ☝️☝️☝️
(also can we just appreciate how desperate I was for this character?)
#i got#rosaria#then a 4 star bow#then noelle#then a 4 star sword#I WAS LOSING MY MIND#and hope#i thought#if i dont get gaming in the next 10 shots ill lose hope#and i like#threw the 9th just expecting smth 3 stars#AND THERE HE WAS#I LOVE HIM SM ALREADY#HE'S SO SILLY I LOVE HIM#whenever i go to his character thingie to level him up he just starts messing around 😭😭#i love him#anywoos thats my rant for now 😁😁#im in too deep
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oh jesus christ. please. i can't do more things. i just finished two months of things.
#the guy who's renting the room i wanted to move in called me and said i can come this week or the next week and shit is confusing now#but i think i'll call him next week and go check it out but that makes me nervous mostly because i dont wanna do that...#i wanted to chill out and destress... god i hope my mom will drive me because if i have to do it myself i will lose my entire mind
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