#so ig it worked. anyways find it very funny that the second hes not hanging out w guy he badmouths him. like his initiation is complete | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

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Quarantine with Matthew Gray Gubler (MGG / Reader)

(Not my gif, thank you to whoever made it! )

Requested: Yes :)

Vivir en cuarentena con Matthew, y él hace en vivos por Instagram con y/n respondiendo preguntas de fans

Category: Fluff

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler / Reader

Summary: Matthew loves making people happy, and in quarantine, he finds the best way to keep in touch with his fans and do what he loves the most: spend time with (Y/N) 💜

Warnings: Nope

Word count: 2,2K

Masterlist

A/N: I am so sorry this request took me forever!! Hello guys!! thank you for all your comments, and love 💖 You are awesome!! hope you have a great week!!

Living in quarantine isn't as bad as many people think. It all depends on who you are spending your time locked in with. (Y/N) knew it pretty well, 'cos she had been locked with her husband, Matthew Gray Gubler, in their shared house for the last month.

And even when most people were sick and tired of being home, (Y/N)and Matthew managed to keep themselves busy and mentally sane. In fact, you could feel more stressed considering there was a pandemic and no one could see their loved ones and friends. But being with Matthew made it all so much bearable.

Considering Gubler's job kept him busy most of the time during a normal year and that he didn't have many chances to be home the way he was now, he enjoyed it.

Sleeping in was heaven. And the fact he could stay in, wearing pajama and kimonos, just enjoying his wife's company, was what he needed.

He didn't realize he needed to take a break after years of hard work until he was forced to do it. And god, it felt good.

(Y/N) would keep herself busy writing and reading while Matthew painted and draw by her side.

Their daily activities included: trying new recipes at least three times each week. Gubler would always come with some random exotic dish he always wanted to recreate. And six of eight times, he nailed it.

They would also spend a day in their pajamas doing nothing. Usually, it was Sundays. That was their official cuddles day. Just movies, ice cream, and cuddles.

Matthew also started teaching (Y/N) some magic tricks. She had insisted a few times, but he was very reluctant to do it at first.

- "A magician never shares his tricks, Bunny"- he argued for days.

- "Ok, but what if I am a magician too? Then it would be ok?"

(Y/N) was sitting on his lap, playing with some curls of his hair between her fingers. They were in their backyard, having a picnic. They had set a blanket and had some cookies (Y/N) had baked, along with two tall ice coffee Matthew had prepared, with an obscene amount of whipped cream.

- "And how are you planning to be a magician if you don't know any trick?"- he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

- "Just because you haven't taught me any trick doesn't mean I don't know any!"- she answered, pretending to be insulted.

- "My wife can do magic, and she never told me?"

- "There are a lot of things about your wife you still don't know"- (Y/N) teased and smiled at him.

- "Bunny, we are locked in this house until further notice. I think I have enough time to find out all those things I haven't seen in the last years."

(Y/N) had finally convinced him when she showed him a simple card trick her father had taught her when she was a kid. Gubler got so excited he even presided a ceremony to name her an official magician and invited their friends to be part of it via zoom. Everybody enjoyed their magic tricks and shared a good hour of fun and laughter with them, just like they would do live.

It felt good to be with their loved ones, even if it was just online.

That gave Matthew an idea.

- "Hey, Bunny!"- he walked into the kitchen holding his phone, scrolling down his Instagram feed.

- "What is it, honey?"- (Y/N) asked him as she kept chopping vegetables for dinner.

- "I was thinking maybe I should start doing Instagram live streamings with the fans. Maybe do some magic tricks, tell jokes. I don't know."- (Y/N) raised his eyes from the food and smiled.

- "Sounds awesome! when do you wanna start?"

- "Now?"- he answered a little hesitant

- "And what do you have in mind?"

- "Maybe answering questions and asking them if hanging out via Instagram is something they'd like to do."

(Y/N) chuckled and walked to her husband, pinching his cheeks, making him giggle.

- "You are so adorable, Gub. Like anyone wouldn't love to hang out with you."- he blushed and shook his head.

- "Ok, I'm gonna do it here anyway."

- "While I'm cooking?"- (Y/N) looked confused

- "Yes, I want you near so you can stop me when I start rambling"- (Y/N) laughed and kissed her husband's lips sweetly.

- "I can't stop your rambling, Gubler. But I can mute the video"- she teased, and he pecked her lips, chuckling.

- "Just stop me when I start saying anything embarrassing."

- "Deal."

No one could say Matthew Gray Gubler didn't care about his fans. He was committed to being always nice to anyone who would ask for a picture or an autograph. Why? Because nothing made him happier than making people happy. And if his job gave people joy, he honestly felt his life had a purpose.

That's why he enjoyed his improvised IG stream so much. He just sat on a couch nearby the kitchen and started talking with fans, answering questions.

- "Where am I spending my quarantine? Here is my hunted treehouse. I don't think I had ever been home this much, and it's been awesome."- Gubler stood up and started walking around the room.

- "Who am I spending it with? my gorgeous wife, of course,"- he said and pointed the phone at (Y/N), who was still cooking dinner. She simply waved and smiled

- "She is making sure I eat proper food now... Bunny, people are asking what you are cooking."

- "Pad thai"- she answered with a huge grin- "Gubler's request for tonight's dinner."

- "Maybe we could make a cooking class one day,"- Matthew suggested, and the screen started filling with "YES!!" immediately- "I could teach people how to burn every pan in the house, and you can cook."

(Y/N) nodded, laughing.

- "You can teach everybody how to make the best hotcakes."- (Y/N) answered and walked away from the phone.

It wasn't that she didn't like being part of her husband's activities, but she figured she wasn't really that important. Fans were there to see him, not her.

But Matthew followed her.

- "Yeah! I'll make my famous chocolate chip hotcakes, and you will have to top them!"- (Y/N) laughed and looked at her husband, raising an eyebrow.

- "Battle of the hotcakes?"

- "Yes!"

- "Set a time and a place, and I'll be there"- (Y/N) put her hands in her waist and raised an eyebrow, looking as serious as she could fake it.

- "Tomorrow, noon, here in our kitchen, because we can't leave the house,"- Gubler answered and mimicked his wife's attitude, still streaming everything.

- "Bring it, Gub."

And just like that, another livestream was scheduled.

The next day, at noon, Matthew streamed the funniest hotcake competition there had ever been seen by humankind. At least that's what he described.

- "Let's say it's a tie"- Gubbler decided and finished the last piece of hotcake in his dish- "I'll leave a poll in my stories so you can decide what you wanna see in tomorrow's live."

- "Really?"- (Y/N) asked, surprised- "Which are the options?"

- "Magic tricks or... I don't know. I didn't think this through"- he answered, making his wife giggle.

- "Maybe you could make a Rumple reading"- and Gubler's eye brightened at the idea

- "With my Rumple costume?"

- "I don't see why not"- Gubler looked at the screen and grinned like a kid.

- "Ok, you'll decide, magic classes or Rumple reading."

It was a draw. That's why Gubler did a Rumple reading the next day and decided to prepare a magic class with his wife for later that week.

His followers were having a blast with each one of their streams. Matthew would always try to take a step back and let his wife shine in front of everybody. He thought she was so funny the world needed to see more of her.

And (Y/N) always tried to be the best sidekick for her husband. Helping him make his streamings as fun as possible.

For the Rumple reading, Matthew sat in an armchair by the fireplace, dressed like Rumple, and read the whole book, impersonating voices and everything. Then, (Y/N) read the questions from the fans, and Matthew answered everything.

Gubler dressed like a classic magician for their magic streaming, and his wife was his assistant, helping him with each trick.

And by the end of the week, the people picked Q&A streaming with the two of them. It was the Friday "Chilling with the Gubs special."

- "Your girl is about to steal the whole show"- Shemar called Matthew that week and made him laugh- "She's the best part of the whole stream."

- "Don't flirt with my wife!"- he answered and chuckled.

- "I'm just saying she has a lot of potentials. She should try to do some stand-up comedy."

Gubler loved that comment, though. He knew his wife was awesome, and he wanted the world to know. As simple as that.

- "Ok, Bunny, ready to answer some questions?"- Gubler set the phone in front of them as they sat in their backyard. One more time, they had set a blanket in their favorite spot. And they had cookies and coffee.

- "Hit it!"

It was fun to do those things together. (Y/N) had never been one to be in the spotlight, but she loved being with Matthew. And if he was happy, so was she.

And it took only a second to see how happy Matthew was. He beamed each time he looked at his wife by his side.

- "Ok, this is a good one. What did we have for breakfast today?"- (Y/N) read and chuckled.

- "Good question. Waffles. (Y/N) made waffles, and I ate five, with ice cream. I'm gonna get so fat in quarantine"- the actor answered and felt his wife's hand in his hair.

- "What's your next project"- (Y/N) read- "Oh! that's a good one!"

- "But I won't say anything about it,"- Gubler answered and chuckled- "You'll have to stay tuned."

- "But I can assure you, it's amazing,"- (Y/N) added smiling- "How did you two meet"- the couple looked at each other and giggled.

- "At a party in my best friend's house"- she answered- "She was dating one of Matthew's friends, and they had a huge celebration when they moved in together."

- "And when I saw her, I knew I had to talk to her, but her friends didn't leave her alone."

- "Why didn't you just walked over and talked to me anyway?"- (Y/N) asked and crossed her arms on her chest

- "Because they were intimidating! and I am a shy guy!"- he explained- "I had to wait until you walked away to get yourself a drink to talk to you finally!"

- "You literally appeared by my side as soon as I walked away from them"- (Y/N) laughed, remembering the moment- "It was so funny!"

- "Hey! it might have been my only chance! I needed to take it!"- Matthew held her hand and played with her fingers, thinking he was glad non of that was in the camera angle.

- "And it worked"- (Y/N) answered and smiled at her husband, thinking as soon as that livestream was over, she was going to have a serious make out session with him

- "I'm glad it did. Quarantine would suck without you."

Gubler answered and smiled, thinking as soon as that stream was over, he was going to jump on her and kiss every inch of her body, just because she looked so beautiful that day.

- "Are you guys planning on having kids?"- (Y/N) read and turned all kinds of pink. There was a silence between the couple as they just looked at each other and shrugged.

- "We'd make cute babies"- Matthew answered- "And we could clearly keep them entertained."

(Y/N) laughed and shook her head.

- "We are not streaming that!!"

- "What?"

- "The baby-making part!"- she joked, and Gubler blushed, laughing and falling back on the blanket.

- "That idea never crossed my mind!"

- "I had to say it! Just in case"- (Y/N) argued and chuckled.

She had thought about having babies in the last few months. But getting pregnant during a pandemic didn't sound like a good idea.

Or was it?

- "Ok, everybody. We are signing out for today"- Gubler announced and waved at the camera- "Take care, stay in your house this weekend, and we'll come back maybe next week."

- "Maybe people can suggest what they'd like to see"- (Y/N) said and looked at Gubler, smiling back at her.

- "I'll leave the option in one of my stories so that you can leave your suggestions. See you!!"

The livestream was over. Gubler left his phone aside and looked at his wife. She was sipping her coffee and fidgeting with her fingers on the fabric of her jeans.

- "We would make cute babies, though,"- Matthew whispered and watched her beam at those words. That was all he needed to know.

- "You would spoil them so much"- (Y/N) replied, giggling.

- "Only because they will be just like you, and I love to spoil you so much"- he opened his arms, and (Y/N) leaned in, resting her body against his.

- "So... do you wanna have a baby Gub?"- she whispered against his chest- her voice was muffled, but he heard her clearly.

- "I think I do. You?"- Gubler answered, feeling his heart beating faster.

- "Me too."

(Y/N) muttered and giggled. Matthew looked at her and leaned in a little closer, kissing her lips sweetly.

It was a massive step for them, and they were very excited to do it.

- "Do you wanna start now?"- Matthew suggested, and (Y/N) blushed immediately- "I mean... I was going to suggest sex before, but now..."

- "The sooner, the better, Gubler,"- (Y/N) replied and bit her lips- "After all, we are gonna have to do a lot of practice before we succeed."

#spencer reid #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #fluff #mgg #mgg fanfic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #mgg x reader #criminal minds fanfic #babymetaldoll writes

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thedetectivessay · 4 years ago

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Highlights from the Fan Meeting

(took longer than planned. sorry..)

So, there were definitely A LOT of people watching during the event. At one point, it reached 26k viewers - but it could have been higher than that. They were also broadcasting through VLive so there were more.

There was an earlier interview thing that was reposted later on on Instagram. I’m not sure if that was something exclusive to SK viewers or if it really was just a private interview (saw a news outlet’s watermark somewhere; Yonhap News’, I think).

Either way, in that interview, Cho PD participated. He wasn’t there for the international fan meet, though.

Anyway, here are the highlights in a (mostly) chronological order:

• During the opening, the cast were introduced. Jaesuk or the MC did mention straight off the bat that this will be the final season.

• Sejeong roasted Kwangsoo because of his hair 😂 It’s currently very long because he and Sehun had been filming for Pirates 2; Sehun’s hair was long-ish as well. But yeah - he got the most teasing because his hair is as long as Sejeong’s now lol

• Okay, I gotta mention this: Jongmin was DRESSED TO THE T. He looked so nice, but it was so cute! He was just so determined to impress the international fans present. It just showed how much he cared about us and about how we felt about him.

So yes: if you haven’t yet, give Jongmin some love.

He was also asked at one point who he felt the closest to among the cast members, and y’all - he hesitated 😭😭 It was obvious he wanted to say he felt the closest to Sejeong, but he got scared because he thought the fans who were there might get mad at him 😭

But Sejeong, being the sweetheart that she is, kept encouraging him to pick her anyway by throwing hearts at him 🥰

Y’all, what are we gonna do once this show is over? This brOTP is the best when it came to roasting people! And they act like fr siblings 😭😭

• On the same question, after Jongmin did pick Sejeong, Kwangsoo made a remark, saying that he thought Jongmin was going to choose him. He looked hurt 😂

Side note: are we finally getting more Jongmin and Kwangsoo scenes this season?? 😃

• Not that long after, they played a game. Three of the cast members were chosen prior to the meet to draw a picture summarizing an episode. The rest had to guess where it was from.

Kwangsoo was the first to go, and his clue - drawn nicely - pointed to S1EP5, The Last Vampire. Jaesuk was the first one to solve it, mentioning that it was the episode Park Hae-jin was in.

Seunggi was next, and it took the cast a while to figure out which episode it is. Can’t remember who solved it or if Seunggi just gave them the answer, but it was depicting one of the final scenes in S2EP10, The Flower of Death. It was that part where they were in Flower Killer’s hideout, when he finally told them who he really was while standing over Minjae.

Kwangsoo afterwards said he was surprised by how terrible(?) Seunggi’s drawing skills were. Seunggi just laughed.

Sejeong was next. She drew the detective team (beautifully, btw), and underneath the picture were the words versus + seven silhouettes with question marks on their faces.

Kwangsoo praised Sejeong for her great drawing skills, and the cast agreed.

The cast eventually figured out which episode, but they were hesitant to really speak of it.

It was then revealed that it’s an episode/case where the detective team faces off with a copycat team. We will see this and find out who the copycat seven are in S3.

• Afterwards, they did this thing where a roulette chooses one of the members, the MC reads the messages written to them by fellow cast members, and they guess who they think it’s from.

I’ll probably make another post later for this if you guys want since I can’t remember everything that was said, but basically...

> Jaesuk received messages from Sehun and Seunggi. Can’t remember what Seunggi said, but Sehun pretty much just thanked Jaesuk for teaching him 10% of what he needed to know about variety (he said the other 90% he learned himself lol)

> Seunggi received messages from Sehun and Minyoung.

> Kwangsoo received messages from Jaesuk and Sejeong. Jaesuk said in his message that he highly valued him and Jongmin - and he asked them to stay with him forever (😭)

Meanwhile, Sejeong said that she’s thankful and sorry to Kwangsoo. When asked what she was sorry about, she said it was because she knew there were moments when it needed to be funny, and Kwangsoo would make a fool of himself to make that happen.

(Side note: she interacted a lot with Kwangsoo this fan meet, too, so I have hope that I will also get the Kwangsoo and Sejeong brOTP scenes I’ve been asking for 🙌🏼)

> Minyoung received messages from Jaesuk and Jongmin.

> Jongmin received messages from Kwangsoo and Sejeong (my other brOT3 😭❤️)

> Sehun received messages from Jongmin and Minyoung. Jongmin said in his message that he was sorry to Sehun because he didn’t (couldn’t?) take care of him better.

> Sejeong received messages from Jaesuk and Minyoung. Minyoung asked somewhere in her message for them to have a drink together some time, while Jaesuk asked Sejeong if she could help Kwangsoo land a role in her current drama 😂

Kwangsoo then revealed that Jaesuk always does that: whenever he meets with his friends and other celebrities, he always asks them to cast Kwangsoo in their drama or movie. The cast laughed.

Seunggi then mentioned afterwards that he’s currently working on a new drama or movie (not sure which one), and he offered Kwangsoo the role of a mouse lol

• That was then followed by the Thank You messages from the fans. Some of you may be aware of this, but about a week and a half ago, on IG, the Busted Netflix official account asked fans to submit a 10 second video of themselves saying “Thank you, Team Busted!” in their native language.

It was so cute, you guys! It just showed how much the cast and crew were loved by many all over the world.

Although: there was one fan from Sweden or Norway who had a whole PROJECT D MARK HANGING ON HIS WALL. THE SAME ONE HANGING OUTSIDE THE MAZE IN C’S LAIR IN THE SERIES PREMIERE.

Where did he get that?? I want one, I’m so jealous!! ☹️

• The fan meeting closed with messages from the cast. Most of them seemed so tired at this point, but Jaesuk proved to be the best leader the cast/team could ask for even in the end.

I mentioned this on the first update, but he said he felt sad that the series was coming to an end especially since the cast had such great chemistry. It was heartwarming to hear because it personally gave me a sense of closure.

To hear a cast member address the feelings a number of us feel is comforting, you know?

• The fan meet ended with bouquets of flowers (non-threatening kind 😏😉) and gift bags for the cast! They were all so pleasantly surprised, and it was so cute.

Netflix seemed to be aware that the awards season just finished in SK, so they gave each of the members their own trophies bearing personalized awards! It was a weighty trophy, too; the cast commented on it.

I don’t know what the other members received, but Sejeong, I think, got the Bright Future Award.

Myuk PD later posted on his IG pictures of this big gift bag that Netflix apparently gave him and the other PDs. One of the gifts they received contained a pair of wine glasses with an electric bottle opener in the middle. It was so classy and nice.

Bro - no one can say that Netflix didn’t love the detective team and the creators of the show. They threw all kind of love and attention on them, and they didn’t skimp on the gifts and ads either.

There are other points from that earlier interview I was talking about, but I’ll put that on a separate post if you’re interested :)

Detective Fam! There’s literally only two days before the final season drops! For those of you who live on the Eastern hemisphere, it’s just one day and some change!

Season 3!! Are you guys excited??!

#update #Busted Netflix fan meet #Yoo Jae Suk #Kim Jong Min #Lee Kwang Soo #Lee Seung Gi #Park Min Young #Oh Sehun #Kim Sejeong #Busted Netflix

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worldwidemochiguy · 5 years ago

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100 days (soft yandere! Taehyung)

Summary: You and Taehyung celebrate your 100th day anniversary... again. (it’s really 274 days, but who’s counting?)

Word Count: 3.7K

Authors note: This was in response to an anon requesting a part 4 for made for each other, so thank u to them :))))) and also ig enjoy

Made For Each Other Masterlist

General Masterlist

You hummed, turning the bukkimi over again to see the bottom had turned a pleasant golden brown. You swiftly took it from the frying pan and placed it on the plate next to all the others you had just pan-fried, forming two rows of neat white pouches decorated with edible flower petals. You knew you had, perhaps, gone a bit overboard for your 100 day anniversary, but you wanted to make it special.

On your first 100 day anniversary — a little over three months after he had taken you — Taehyung had been so sweet, even if you weren’t quite ready to accept him yet, still clinging onto the childish notion of independence. You had woken up to a beautiful dress set out for you to wear, one that you had no other choice but to don sullenly since he had anticipated you wanting to disobey him and had taken all of your other clothes and hidden them.

He had made you breakfast in bed — your favourite breakfast, actually — and served it along with a single rose. You had taken the food and sequestered yourself in your room. At lunch, he had asked if you wanted to eat a meal with him on the couch and watch TV — something he had not let you do since he took you. That was probably the first time you were voluntarily enjoying yourself in his company, eating the pizza he ordered and sat as far away from him on the couch as was physically possible. In the evening, he had taken you to a restaurant that he had completely booked out. It was just the two of you, and the moonlight, and the terrified chef who you were pretty sure Taehyung had threatened to kill if he didn’t stay and make the two of you the best meals you’d ever had in your lives. You didn’t realise it then, but you looking back you realised how romantic Taehyung was, even though you had been unpleasant and ungrateful the entire day.

Now, you had a chance to finally make it up to him. It was the 9th of October, 100 days after your first kiss and you were determined to celebrate this with him since you had ruined the first 100 day anniversary. Taehyung always went above and beyond to demonstrate his love for you; constantly buying you gifts, treating you with kindness and patience even when you disobeyed him, and protecting you from anything and anyone that would try to hurt you. You were so lucky to have him.

When he left for work in the morning, you had persuaded him to let you stay behind, complaining that you had a stomach ache. He was fully prepared to stay with you and take care of you in bed — an offer that had been very difficult to refuse — but you assured him that you would be fine at home alone. He had made you promise to text him at least once every twenty minutes, a promise you were glad to make, and left after a prolonged make-out session, “to make up for all the kisses I’ll be missing at work today” Taehyung had argued.

“I’d hope so!” You shot back, “I won’t be very happy if I decide to come in and see you fucking Jimin over a desk.” You had intended to make him laugh, but instead he pulled you into his chest, crushing you there as he whispered into your hair.

“Never,” his voice was hushed, but almost scarily fervent, “I’d never betray you, baby, never. I’d rather die.” Slightly shocked by his reaction, but touched to your core at the sentiment he was expressing, you had burrowed into his arms, reaching up slightly to place a kiss on his jaw. He leaned down return a chaste kiss before pulling back with a deadly serious expression you seldom saw him wearing directed at you.

“I don’t ever want to hear you doubt me again, baby. You have to trust me, always.”

“No, I-I know,” you had stuttered in the face of his controlled anger, “I was making a joke, but it wasn’t funny, and I shouldn’t have done it.” His shoulders loosened slightly. “I’m sorry Tae.” He sighed and pulled you back into his chest.

“It’s ok, baby.”

“Will I be punished?” He stilled for a second, chewing his lip contemplatively. You held your breath.

“No.” You exhaled. “I wouldn’t punish my baby when she feels poorly. Besides, you’ve learnt your lesson, haven’t you?” You nodded eagerly and he tapped your nose with a smile, before kissing you goodbye.

You had fought with yourself over whether or not to call him and ask him to come back to the apartment for almost forty minutes after he left. You hated lying to him, and every second without him felt like a moment wasted, but you knew you should make this day perfect for him. Your suffering would simply be a demonstration of your love, after all, it wasn’t like you had never suffered for him in order to prove your love before.

You started off by doing an intense clean of the apartment. After spending the better part of two hours — admittedly, about half an hour of that was spent giggling on the phone texting Taehyung while he should’ve been in a meeting — on your knees scrubbing every surface until it shined, you dotted scented candles around various points in the apartment. You didn’t light them, partly because it would be a waste since they wouldn’t be properly appreciated until much later in the day and also because you knew Tae would never be ok with you doing anything that dangerous, especially on your own.

You gathered up flowers Tae had bought for you and placed them in vases in strategic well-lit areas, the sunlight from the window bleeding through translucent petals and tinting the light a soft pink. You had even printed selcas Tae and you had taken together and pegged them on strings hanging from the walls, as well as a few of his favourite photos of you that he had taken while he was still first getting to know you from afar. He really was a skilled photographer. He had managed to take such beautiful shots, all while you remained unaware of his existence. You draped a white tablecloth over the smaller dining table, the one that would allow you to sit directly across from each other as if you were on a real date in a restaurant, and placed a small note on top of it.

100 days since our first kiss ♡

i can’t wait for countless hundreds more (of both days and kisses xxx)

i am so grateful every day that you saw me and for some reason thought i was worthy of you,

i love you tae and i can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together !!!

- your girlfriend ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Now, you had just finished what you planned to bring out for dessert in what you had internally dubbed The Ultimate 100-Day Date for Tae My Amazing Wonderful Perfect Boyfriend (you were thinking of maybe shortening the name a bit). You were just about to get out the sweet potatoes to slice up for the Japchae main course when the door swung open with a bang.

You screamed as a man ran into the apartment. He turned to you - Oh my God, I’m going to die - and dropped his suitcase- suitcase? Why does he have a-

Oh, it’s Tae.

Guess I won’t die after all. Or I will, since he seems determined to squeeze me to death.

Taehyung was crushing you to his chest, gripping you tight enough to bruise, as he muttered something unintelligible into your hairline. His body was shaking, with relief or hysteria, or both, you just didn’t know.

“Tae- hey, Tae-” He shoved himself off you abruptly and you gasped in a relieving breath, too focused on getting oxygen in to worry about the expression on his face.

“Baby…” his tone was dark, dangerous — he may have called you something affectionate but there was nothing on his face that expressed anything remotely related to love. It was chilling.

“Tae… you’re back early.” He was back early, way too early, two hours early, this basically ruined your plan to surprise him. Though, he didn’t seem to have noticed the changed decor of the apartment so who knows, maybe he wouldn’t realise.

“Well, I had to leave work early and come back after someone forgot to text me for over an hour.”

Ah. Fuck.

You had felt guilty for texting him for so long earlier in the day. This meant that when the alarm you had set chimed, reminding you to text him again, you had ignored it thinking that you would be able to text in five minutes. You had not remembered to text him after five minutes, or ten, or thirty, or sixty. And now he was pissed.

“I come home expecting to find you collapsed, unconscious because of your stomach pains that had caused you to feel so ill that you absolutely had to stay at home today, alone, on your own insistence.” You gulped. You could feel the anger rolling off him in waves and it wanted you to whimper in submission. You think you did, and if anything it made only made him more incensed.

“And instead I find you miraculously cured from the pain you ensured me would cause you to stay in bed all day, within reaching distance from your phone, making fucking bukkimi.”

As he spoke, he stalked closer to you like a lion circling its helpless prey, cunningly manoeuvring himself around until your back was pressed against the wall with nowhere else to run and he was in front of you, eyes practically sparking fire.

“Who the fuck are you making this for anyway? Who is he? Tell me his name, baby, I want to hear you scream it as you watch the life drain out of his eyes. As you watch him die for touching you. I’ll kill him for touching you, baby. I’ll kill every motherfucker on the planet that touches you, and I’ll make you watch, I swear to God. I can’t hurt you like that but I’ll make you regret it.”

“T-Tae,” you stuttered, lips quivering, and his lips twisted into a cruel smirk,

“Wrong name, baby. I said I wanted his name, and I know you weren’t making these for me. You said so yourself, you weren’t expecting me. I’m home early.” He mocked your words cruelly, and you felt the floodgates break, finally allowing the sobs to punch their way out of your throat. You couldn’t believe Tae thought that you- that you would- you couldn’t even think the repulsive thought you were sure his head was full of.

You were going to be sick. All you wanted to do was make this 100 day anniversary special since you had ruined the last one, but you ended up ruining this one too.

Tae simply watched as you released your tears, seemingly unaffected, but you could see his hands clenching into tight fists, white-knuckled in the attempt not to touch you, to comfort you. This little fact gave you some hope, and you let yourself have five seconds to control your sobs before straightening up again, looking him in the eye and praying he could see the sincerity in them.

“I’m sorry. You’re right; I lied to you.” He took this like a physical blow, and reared back, undoubtedly preparing to shout at you some more, so you continued on, not letting him misinterpret. “I am preparing this food for you. Not anyone else, just you, I swear it.” Your voice broke slightly, but you tried to carry on in a calm and even tone of voice. “I just- I shouldn’t have lied to you in the morning about my stomach, I’m so sorry and I knew it was wrong even then, but I just wanted to surprise you.”

“I prepared this… date? For us. It’s our 100 day anniversary, and I wanted to… I don’t know, I spent the day preparing food for us so that we could sit down and have dinner together. I’ve got your favourite dress of mine hung up in our room and ready to put on. I even cleaned and decorated the apartment to make it more… romantic. But I ruined it. I lied. I’m sorry.” As soon as you had finished talking, you let yourself cry again. Silent tears ran down your cheeks in rivulets as you waited for Tae to leave and brood in his room for a while, like he always did when he was deciding on the best punishment. But that’s not what he did this time.

He stood there, completely still, but then he suddenly looked around him, noticing the decorations you had painstakingly placed around the space you had come to call yours, rather than just his. He then looked to the kitchen counter, where the evidence of your hours of hard work lay.

“But… It’s not our 100 day anniversary. It’s not even close. That was like 5 months ago, we celebrated it together.” His voice came out as quiet and scratchy, a huge contrast to the enraged yell he used to eviscerate your heart only moments earlier.

“No, I-I know. I remember how sweet you were that day, and I ruined it by being rude and ungrateful. I wanted to fix that, to do something nice for you, instead of just letting you do all the nice things like always. This is the 100 day anniversary of our first kiss, the day I told you I loved you for the first time. I thought it would be nice to celebrate it… together.” You finished lamely, feeling more and more embarrassed with every word.

“You… you remembered the 100 day anniversary of our first kiss?”

“Of course I did.”

You were certain that he would now — upon realising how pathetically, uselessly attached to him you were — dump you and your shit on the curb and call someone to pick you up and take you far away. But, for the second time in roughly two minutes, he didn’t do what you expected.

Instead of withdrawing, he got even closer. His arms came up to wrap around you as his head dipped down so that he could press his forehead against yours.

“No, baby… I’m sorry.” You stilled in unadulterated shock. He was sorry? For what? “You certainly shouldn’t have lied to me, but I understand why you thought that was best. And I’m happy you wanted to celebrate this anniversary with me — that is, if you still want-”

“Of course I do!” You bit your lip, you shouldn’t interrupt him, but you couldn’t bear to just let him believe you were anything other than desperate to spend time with him.

“You still want to?” He asked, incredulous.

“Of course I do!” You repeated, hoping this time he would actually listen to you. “I just don’t get why you would want to be with me, right now. You were… so angry at me, Tae.” He sighed, curling his arm around your waist and pulling you flush to his chest. That was something he always did when he felt extra possessive over you. He did it a lot.

“I know I got mad, baby, I just- the thought of you with another man makes me see red-”

“I’d never cheat on you, Tae. Never. I’d rather die.” You interjected without control, and he shushed you softly.

“I know you wouldn’t, baby. And I shouldn’t have thought that you would, especially considering how angry I was this morning when you joked about me doing the same thing.” His fingers came up to comb through your hair and you dropped your head back, finally relaxing again. He laughed softly.

“I’m sorry I ruined your surprise for me.”

“No, it’s alright.” You replied, voice softer and slurred slightly as his fingers massaged your temples, “You can keep me company while I slice the japchae.”

You made him stand far away from where you were preparing the meal, a cute pout on his face that made you relent several times and walk over to kiss him. If you let him close to the food he would just take the knife from you — aish, this is too dangerous for a precious princess like you to touch — and do all the work. You were determined that, even though he didn’t get the surprise dinner, he would at least get a nice meal where he didn’t have to lift a finger to do any work.

This plan was foiled slightly when he distracted you were you were slicing the potato into thin strips. His newest scheme to get you to let him do what he wanted was to just constantly look at you with bedroom eyes. It was, understandably, very distracting, so you were not too angry at yourself when your wrist loosened slightly and, instead of drawing the knife over the noodle, you ran it against your skin. You stopped as soon as you felt the lancing pain and looked down with a quiet whimper, watching as your blood spilled over all of the perfectly sliced soon-to-be japchae.

“That took me so long~” you whined softly,

“Babe?” Taehyung’s panicked voice broke through your mourning of the wasted dinner and you glanced up in time to see him practically vault over thin air in order to get to you faster. “You’re hurt! I told you that you shouldn’t hold the knife!” He yelled, even as he took your index finger into his grip so tenderly that it barely hurt. It was a narrow, clean cut — the knife was very sharp, after all — but it was deep, and you weren’t sure how long it would take for the wound to stop bleeding. He held it tightly to staunch the cut as well as he could, gently leading you into the bathroom where the first aid kit was.

He hushed you when you fussed about getting blood on his fancy suit, and responded each time you apologised for ruining dinner with a plea to stop being ridiculous and a kiss. He even kissed your banged finger to make it ‘heal faster’. You promptly said that kissing you on the lips would heal your finger twice as fast, and his laugh, loud and deep and clear, was the best thing you had heard all evening.

Tae decided to order takeout since the japcahe was off the table, pizza please, you requested and his expression mirrored your cheesy smile, both of you remembering that first 100 day anniversary where you had refused to even look at him while you ate the pizza as fast as you could to avoid talking to him. Oh, how things have changed. When the pizza arrived, both of you moved to sit together on the couch, curled up as close as could be and surrounded by the candles Tae had lit for you.

He happened to straighten up slightly and look around, his eye caught by a letter left on the table you had set for the original meal.

“What’s that over there?” He questioned.

“That’s a table, Tae.”

“Aish,” he jogged your body slightly, even as you both laughed, and then asked again with a cute pout that you were helpless to resist.

“It’s just a little note I wrote for you, I don’t know.” Instead of letting his curiosity be satisfied by that as you had hoped, his eyes lit up with interest and he immediately rose from the couch.

“Are you… you’re going to read it now?” Your cheeks heated up as you remembered what you had wrote, and the many, many hearts you had scribbled down next to his name.

“Of course I am. Did you write it expecting I’d never read it?” His tone was teasing, and only made you more flustered.

“No I just… didn’t think you’d read it… literally right in front of me.” You heard his laugh from across the room, though you didn’t look up to see it since your eyes were firmly planted on the ground, as was your stomach — it had lurched uncomfortably downwards as soon as it became clear he wasn’t going to read it somewhere when he was far away from you.

“I’m not literally right in front of you,” he called from the other side of the apartment, and then you heard his footsteps making their way back to you until his house slippers were directly in your downcast line of vision.

He reached down and tilted your chin up with one hand, in the other hand of course, he was holding the note.

“Now I am, though.” His smile was triumphant, and it didn’t dim even as he pulled back to stand up straight and read the short note. If anything, the smile grew bigger and brighter until it outshone all the strategic, ambience-creating candles in the room.

“Baby…” he started, his voice sultry and low, causing you to shiver involuntarily. He noted this with a smug eyebrow quirk. “I quite look forward to giving you those ‘hundreds of kisses’,” the smirk in his voice became evident as he quoted your note, and you wondered if you could burrow into the sofa and make your new home there, “But I’m afraid this letter is actually incorrect.”

“W-what?” You were so distracted by his offer of a hundred kisses that you didn’t truly register what he said, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, the part where you called yourself my girlfriend.”

“Huh?”

“It’s wrong — or at least it will be after tonight.”

“What- Tae, why-” you floundered, feeling slightly hurt but mostly confused, “-why is it wrong? Why… should I not call myself your girlfriend?”

Taehyung answered promptly, “Because you’ll be my wife.” And then he dropped to one knee.

#yandere bts #yandere bangtan #yandere taehyung #yandere taehyung x reader #yandere bts x reader #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts fanfiction #bts imagines #bts v #bts taehyung #bts tae tae #bts tae x reader

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antigenius · 4 years ago

Text

Negativity... Begone. [Second Chance]

A/n: Here we are! I almost forgot to post it :”)) I’m also sorry that the lengths of these chapters are sporadic, I’m itching to post everything I’ve done already, but I’m holding back because I know it’d be bad to make myself be worried about this. Please message me if you’d like to be apart of the taglist!

Warnings: A very sad Sugawara, and some shock ig?

Taglist: @bakugou-jpg , @nyxdelanuit , @animefandomally , @icythotsenpai , @fallingintoimagination , @heyybrittannia

So the story continues...

“I swear the colour changed!”

The walk home was filled with concerned glances from the people around the three, but Suga didn’t care enough to lower his voice. Daichi watched his friend in curiosity. Sugawara was cheeky yes, but he would never lie about something as precious as his soulmate, especially knowing his situation. He taps his chin in thought.

“Maybe you could ask the doctors?”

The boy sighed, twirling the string around his finger subconsciously whilst Asahi made sure he didn’t walk into a pole. “Mom would think I’d gone insane or something.” His eyes fall to the ground, downcast. “She already worried so much when I told her…”

He trails off, stopping in his tracks. His eyes brim with tears, but he swallows down his urge to bawl.

The two stop with him, watching. It wasn’t a normal sight to see; their most resilient friend, their most caring friend, the one that would hit them and shout “Negativity, BEGONE!”, crumbling out of desperation for a chance at true love. They couldn’t relate to him, their strings were red, as they should be.

Daichi places his hand upon his friend’s shoulder tentatively, knowing that Suga could and would break at any given moment. He was not only Suga’s friend, he was a captain. There was no time like the present to perform the role he was so proud of being.

“Don’t mind.”

The words tumbled out before he could really think about them. Asahi looked at him quizzically; the statement sounded insensitive, almost offending in a sense. Daichi continues.

“White string, red string, whatever colour string,” he rolls his eyes, “you have a chance, just like we had a chance.” He shrugs. “We could’ve never played volleyball again, we could’ve given up and forgot about being a powerhouse school, like we used to be.”

He sets himself in front of Suga, piercing gaze locking with sad brown eyes. “But we had a chance to win and we took it. You have a chance to find them, him, her, them, whoever, wherever. Fact is, there’s still hope, however small that may be.”

He finishes with a smile. “So when has a slim chance ever stopped us? Or you, for that matter?”

Honestly, he surprised himself at that point. He didn’t expect to sound so… Cheesy and inspiring. That was more Takeda-sensei’s job, or Asahi’s even. Sugawara himself would be a better choice in this sort of scenario. It seemed to work however, Sugawara had rubbed his tears away and puffed his chest, mimicking Nishinoya.

“Right, right.” He sniffles a bit, but grins. “Sorry, about, well…”

Daichi claps him on the back, knocking the wind out of his lungs. “Yeah, yeah, just stop crying. Negativity begone my ass.”

Suga smirks. “Oh? Shall I do it for you two then? You know, to disperse the negativity?~”

The so called ‘Captain’ tenses up, backing away from his friend in fear. “I-I think I’m good-“

“NEGATIVITY… BEGONE!”

He jabs both of the boys in their sides, causing them to double over in pain. They groan loudly, Asahi whimpering something along the lines of ‘I didn’t even do anything…’.

Well, at least Suga felt better.

~~~~

“Sugawara.”

The setter blinks, coming back down to earth. “Sorry sensei.”

Despite the pep-talk, Suga still felt desperate. A bit less than before, yes, but still utterly desperate. Hell, he’s always felt desperate, but it felt like the universe was mocking him. It felt like it was dangling hope right in front of his eyes, just to tease him.

Instead of dwelling on it further, he gets back into position, receiving the ball that was served to him.

‘Just focus. Focus, focus, focus.’

He really couldn’t, but he tried his best to. The elderly man grit his teeth in annoyance after watching him miss the nth ball this session.

“Take a break. You’ll get a penalty later.” He grunts. “Azumane!”

Suga hangs his head in shame, walking himself to the side and cleaning up any balls that came across his path. Hot tears prick at the sides of his eyes, and he clenches his fists. God, he just wanted to punch himself. He was so damn pathetic. Even after being cheered up, after so many years of knowing the inevitable answer, his heart ached to think something different. Why? Why was he so stuck on it?

“Hey!”

Suga quickly wipes away his baby tears, a smile forcing its way onto his face. The smile freezes half-way as he realises who had called out to him.

Forehead damp with sweat, face red from running, (Y/n) heaved a breathless greeting to the silver-haired mess.

“S-sorry,” they wheeze, “I’m not as much as an athlete as you all, but I was scared I was going to miss seeing you guys!”

Sugawara cocked his head to the side like a lost puppy. “Miss seeing us?”

“Yeah! It’s pretty cool watching you guys play!” Their bottom lip juts out in a pout. “Though, I don’t exactly get what you guys do sometimes.”

Heat flushes into Sugawara’s cheeks. It flattered him that people other than the players enjoyed the game, or watching him fail, more like it.

“Thank you,” he rubs the back of his neck, an embarrassed chuckle leaving his lips, “if you don’t get something, you can always ask; we’re happy to help.”

They giggle along with him, not quite boasting the same bashful expression, but it was something along the line. “The thing I need help with is studies rather than understanding volleyball, but I appreciate it.”

The setter looks at him in curiosity. “Studies? I could help you, if you like.”

Upon hearing Suga’s request, (Y/n)’s eyes brighten in an instant. Their exhaustion is replaced with hyperactivity, lips weaving into a beaming smile.

“Really?!” They ask, almost bouncing up and down. “You would?”

Despite their loud, childish outburst in an adolescent’s body, Sugawara could feel his heart melt. His former misery trails behind him, grumbling as his signature cheery persona shows face.

“Sure! Whatcha having trouble with?”

They might’ve been sitting on the gym floor for a mere half-an-hour, but that half-an-hour felt so cleansing. They were funny, witty, charming, not to mention, a breath of fresh air, especially in the gymnasium reeking of sweat. For once, volleyball wasn’t on his mind in the gym. It felt a little freeing, not to just escape into the thrill of his favourite sport.

During their talk, Sugawara manages to glance at their hand. A light blue string connected from his hand to theirs, but the lilac string seemed to lead to nowhere. It went in the direction of their hand, but it continued after that. Internally, he sighs. Maybe he was getting so desperate he hallucinated. It was too good to be true anyway.

Time flies by, Sugawara had finished his penalty of five flying laps (a merciful day) with (Y/n) cheering him on. The two continue talking immediately as he finishes, and they stay behind to clean up.

“So, when are we gonna do it?”

Suga blinks. “Do what?”

“The study date!”

“A…” Suga screws his eyebrows together. “Study date?”

Realising how it sounded, they fluster around in a panic.

“It’s not what you think it means! I just always called things dates because it happens on a date, ya know?” They ramble, hands wringing together. “It’s like saying you have a girl or boyfriend! A girl that’s your friend! A boy that’s your friend! You know?”

Watching them go into a bumble about how words didn’t make sense, Suga lets himself smile in amusement.

“I mean, you’re not wrong.” He grins. “I just was confused is all. You don’t have to worry.”

Their blabbering stops. “R-right!”

They then place their hand in front of him, pinkie held out for a promise.

“You finish at five tomorrow right?” Their pinkie waggles in front of him. “We can go study at that new café and grab those gorgeous coffee shakes I’ve been craving for once you’re done.”

He stares at their pinkie. It looked normal, a lot smaller than his, but normal otherwise. No white string, no red string either, but he wouldn’t be able to see it either way. The only string he could see was the one that connected them together. A light blue string of friendship. He intertwines his pinkie with theirs, and his white string moves. It ties a knot between the two fingers.

They scream in shock.

#sugawara #sugawara koushi #koushi #sugawara x reader #gender netural reader #sugawara koushi x reader #haikyuu!#haikyu!!#red string au #red string of fate #sugawara angst #soulmate au #sugawara soulmate #karasuno #x reader #multichapter

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #340

“wash the poison from off my skin / show me how to be whole again”

What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have this oddly specific memory of bringing my little Snorlax plushie for one in pre-k. I remember thinking everyone thought I was weird for liking Pokemon as a girl. Do you remember losing your first tooth? I don't. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I think I was addicted to World of Warcraft at a point, but it's honestly hard to tell. My depression was just so abysmal that it was the one thing I got even a smidge of not even joy, but active distraction out of because the options of what you can do in the game are essentially limitless. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it does make me jump because I don't like loud noises. Name one person you’d like to see this month. Bitch we fighting Covid, stay away from me. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? They're nearly tied, honestly, but I prefer the original. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I KNOW my maternal grandmother didn't, and I don't believe any other grandparent did, either. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? You mean like, a gas station or dollar store? Something small like that? In that case, I'll usually look for a Mountain Dew Voltage sometimes along with something Reese's-related. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, absofuckinglutely. He so obviously loves me. I know my snake doesn't though, considering reptilian brains just physically aren't capable of creating that emotion. She does, however, obviously trust me and definitely seems to enjoy coming out of her terrarium and thus hanging out by me. Bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I loved drawing with chalk, but I like bubbles more. I just love how they catch light and have such beautiful colors to share. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. I wish I still was, goddammit. I used to be so fit, and it's funny, because even back then at like, 118 lbs at 5'4'', I thought I was kinda chubby. Like bitch shut the fuck up. Watermelon or cherries? I honestly don't like either, but I'll definitely pick watermelon over cherries. They're disgusting. What is your all-time favourite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Biiiiiitch guess lmao. I think everyone has, though. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? Definitely 3TEETH. Love 'em. Favourite brand of cookies? Hm, good question. They've gotta be good at making SOFT chocolate chip cookies, though. I don't enjoy crunchy cookies nearly as much. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I don't really know. Oh, y'know, chatting with Edgar Allan Poe would probably be cool. Do you pay for your own things? I literally can't. It's embarrassing. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain sexual things I've done, probably. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Of course. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I felt that way in my friendship with Colleen, but no romantic relationships. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. Like no, go to hell. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Pre-Covid, yeah. What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Probably how heavily judged women are for having ANYTHING "wrong" with their appearance. You could be five pounds over what is "normal" for your height and you're seen as fat. One strand of body hair, and you're disgusting. Bushy eyebrows, you're now manly. I could go on and on. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? Yes. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 10. Do you enjoy tanning? Ugh, no. Just sitting there doing nothing but sweating. Have you ever written anybody an anonymous note? I have not. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah; we used to have one. It was the best when we lived in the woods. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it air dry. Candles or incense? I prefer incense. Can you juggle? No. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like terrifying wildlife. I'd much rather just take pictures of the little guys and let them go about their business. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? YouTube, haha. It's more unique and personal entertainment than television, imo. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I want a new piercinggggg. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? I'm *trying* to get back into regularly making art, along with reading. I'm also really trying to implement drinking more water into my day. What was the last thing you gave up doing? *shrug* What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? It really, really helped to hear my PHP group enjoy my poem about gay rights so much. I was so terrified and did NOT want my therapist to share it, but it turned out being very beneficial. To answer the second question, it's pretty much stuff like I just mentioned: positive reactions to things I create. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? Definitely softer. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? Hm. Depends on the day, ig. What is something small that you take extremely personally? I'm blanking. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? I just... couldn't sleep. That's not rare for me. Have you drawn anything recently? I recently drew a picture of a still from Rammstein's "Mutter" music video, and I'm now working on Sara's 'kat Alucard. If you're going somewhere close by, do you walk? No. One simply does not walk in this town and not fear being shot. Do you prefer colorful notebooks over plain ones? I like colorful ones, particularly those with a nice pattern or something on it. What's your most ambitious goal? I'd consider wanting to be a successful freelance photographer to be rather ambitious. Do you know anyone named Alex? Well, knew, by this point. One of my closest online friends that just got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the planet when we used to talk every day. I'm still hurt about it, honestly. What's your favorite kind of pie? I don't like pie because of the crust being so, well... crusty and crumbly. Have you ever chatted someone up and scored a date? No. How far would you go with someone you just met? Not very far at all. All you're getting is a hug, if even that. What's your favorite meal to have for dinner? I mean, it depends on what I feel like having. I don't have a set favorite meal. What do you daydream about? The future, mostly. People I miss. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. <3 We met via YouTube back when it had much more social connection. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, a good number of times. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I don't believe I've been ill in any sort of way since I had that ungodly ear infection a few years ago. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, Colleen's house. Mom once tried kicking me out of the car one night otw home, but I didn't listen. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and I think one sister, and Dad has one sister. Who last held your hand? My niece or nephew, dragging me somewhere, haha. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, not interested. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I'm watching John Wolfe's playthrough of Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It's so funny how like... every let's player I watch doesn't enjoy the game, like they miss the incredible symbolism and shy away from the advanced language, and sometimes it's just frustrating to watch them; I only do because I enjoy the game and want to see more people experience it and relive it vicariously. It's very high on my list of favorite games. What sport do you find yourself best at? I wouldn't know; I haven't played any sports in years. I was pretty good at softball as a kid, though. Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? My opinion shouldn't matter; a man can wear makeup whenever he damn well pleases without worrying what others think. But anyway, I tend to find it attractive, especially if it's goth makeup. Have you ever been accused of a crime you did not commit? No. Do you like pickles? I love dill pickles. What was the craziest moment of your life? Probably just lying in that hospital bed following my OD, my mom and two best friends just sitting there with me. It was such a weird, weird feeling. Like I was just so done, frustrated beyond what I can say. I remember thinking it was almost funny, just how it all built up and went wrong. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. What is your favorite muffin? Chocolate chip. Would you ever get a boob job? I already know when/if I lose the weight I want to, it will be kind of a big deal to me and my atrocious body image to get a breast lift. Being overweight ~does things~ you know, and god knows I want every trace of it that can be erased gone. Would you ever go on a reality TV dating show? That's a massive "no" from me, buddy. Would you rather be inside or outside? It depends on where I am and the temperature outside, but generally, inside. Do you like the current president? Well, I voted for him, so I can't shit-talk much. I don't know the true depths of him as a person and all he stands for, though; when I decided I needed to vote, I just did some research on his core values. I don't have any complaints yet, from what I've seen at least, which isn't a lot. Do you whiten your teeth? I've used whitening strips before, but I don't now because they're not that effective. If it's financially plausible at some point in my life, teeth whitening is another thing I want to have medically done because of my previous horrible self-care. My teeth have a clear yellow tint and I hate it. Do you get cold easily? No; it's actually the opposite: I get hot easily. What was the worst sickness you ever had? Probably this one stomach bug I had where I just threw up relentlessly. Like eventually barely even bile would come up; it was just dry heaving. My stomach muscles were in agony. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, thankfully. Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? A normal person. The idea of having such a sudden death stresses me out for multiple reasons; I mostly don't want my family to just be suddenly devastated, and I honestly want to come to peace with the fact I was dying. Like, find my life's own closure instead of just having it ripped away. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Jesus, I sure hope not. Do you have a gag reflex? A very strong one. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I've wondered before what the effects of weed would be like for me, but "fantasize" is definitely the wrong word. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? It'd be up to my partner, honestly, because I'm fine with either. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never did dares because I thought they were stupid. Like I'm not gonna do dumb shit just to show you I can. Do you know anyone who has been raped? I think I might? Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones are just big and clunky and in the way when you use a laptop in bed, plus they irritate my skin. I like how earbuds actually go in your ears for more direct hearing. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted children, no, because I don't think I'm capable to give a child like that adequate care, being so mentally ill myself. I wouldn't want to risk worsening their condition. Favorite thing to do with a significant other? Play games together, particularly cute multiplayer ones that are more about the experience of playing together versus getting past difficult obstacles and such. Like for example, one of my favorite memories with Jason is simply playing Little Big Planet together. Favorite ice cream topping? I don't like many toppings on my ice cream, but I do love melted hot fudge. First boyfriend/girlfriend’s name? Aaron. Do you support PETA? Considering they are incredibly self-righteous extremists, no. Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory? Well, I believe in some sort of "god" figure that created the universe, so I don't think so. A condensed ball of nothing exploding to create something so extravagant? It sounds pretty far-fetched to me. But then again, maybe that semblance of a "god" I believe in created the universe through that, idk. It doesn't really matter now, though, does it. What happened happened, I'm not very concerned with it. What insect can you not stand the site of? It's more so larvae that I can't stand the sight of, like maggots and stuff. They make me squirm. Do you like Doctor Who? I've only seen one or two episodes, so I can't say. Do you approve of gay marriage? Of course I do. I'm bisexual and would like to get married, so I might marry a woman. Are you into politics? I'm really not. Do you think the world is ending soon? Nah, even though it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ever been to a mosh pit? No, they don't seem very fun at all. Do you like to debate? NO. NO NO NO. Do you like the band System of a Down? Yeah, I do. Are you German? It's a big part of my heritage. Do your parents like your best friend? Yes. Who’s someone you can act your complete self around? Sara, 100%. She's the only person I feel entirely comfortable around when it comes to being myself. Do you believe in Friday the 13th? I don't believe in there being any supernatural power to it, no. Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem. What age is your youngest aunt? Uhhhh I have no idea. Do you like bowling? Sure, it's fun. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I do. What shows or characters scared you as a child? Ghostface from the Scream series was my worst fucking nightmare. I couldn't even see pictures of him without crying. The King Ramses guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog also gave me a number of nightmares. Something about the way he was animated was very unnatural and unnerving to me.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''castle of glass'' by linkin park

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yikeswtfmate · 5 years ago

Text

I’ll hold you to that

Summary: There’s a new message from a stranger in her DMs, but what does he want from her and why exactly is he so freaking cute?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (College AU)

Warnings: swearing; that should be it, I think?

A/N: This is the second fic in two days, who even am I? What am I even doing? What is happening?! My only excuse is that I’ve started this like 2 months ago and only now got round to finishing it so...enjoy?

This might need a second part though, I feel like I need some college dorkiness in my life rn

Also, do some text and ig messages count as making this a social media au? Probably not, since I was too lazy to do that format with the apps and all that?

masterlist // Watermelon Sugar - another part

Natasha is lying on her friend’s bed, furiously typing away at her phone. The chime of incoming messages is constant and it is starting to drive Y/N up the wall.

“You could do this in your room as well, you know.” Turning in her desk chair, ready to start going off on the redhead, Y/N is cut short by a long suffering sigh. “What’s wrong now?” She knows that if she ignores Nat now, she would only get more annoying, which in turn would leave her no chance of finishing studying for the night.

“I’m talking with the people in my group, trying to prepare for the mock trial next month and there’s this guy who is completely infuriating!” Nat spats and lets out another groan, as her fingers fly across the screen. “He says that we should stop defending the CFO and try and get a settlement because it’s obvious he actually did indeed commit fraud. How are we supposed to make a case and win when he’s completely disregarding everything we’ve studied this semester? Of course the prick committed fraud, but we still have to make the case for him, this is the fucking assignment, you pompous asshole.”

“Yeah, babe, I have no idea what you’re saying there, but go you! Down with Wall Street or whatever, but I still need to study for this management exam, so it would be great if you could kindly fuck off to your room?” Y/N smiles at Nat, who finally looks up at her and sighs.

“Fine. I’ll let you study for your stupid exam, but you still need to reply to that cute guy like you promised.”

“Remind me again, why am I supposed to do that?”

“Because you promised, you ass! And your sex life is shit so Wands and I reckon if you get laid, you’ll stop being so stuck up about school.” It’s Nat’s turn to smile sweetly at Y/N, who throws a pen at her retreating form.

“Why are you guys like this?!”

“We both have unresolved daddy issues, now get on with it or I’ll send Wanda in here.”

Y/N sighs heavily and slumps in her chair. She glances at her charging phone on the desk and tentatively picks it up. She unlocks it, a picture of her and her roommates popping up on the screen and the notification is still there. Still taunting her, still adding fuel to her friends’ pestering.

They have looked through his page, of course. They have looked at all the pictures with his friends, some of them recognisable from the halls of college, all the pictures of him in various cafes, restaurants, bars, gyms, but the picture she still comes back to is the one with him at the beach. Wayfarers perched on the bridge of his nose, ruffled hair in the wind, and that tan that stretches from the set shoulders to the prominent six pack (although the bottle of beer in his hand makes those abs so unfair to believe exist) to the firm thighs. She has looked through all of his pictures, analysing every detail and description, still wondering how in the hell she managed to catch his attention enough to grant her a message from him. And then she would go on her profile, filled with pictures from the dance studio, her coffee filled all-nighters in the library, and fair enough, there is that picture of her at the pool where her bum looks just right and she could get why in a sense, but what the hell, look at that guy!

Her fingers still hover over the notification indecisively, when the group chat pops up on her screen.

Wands: do it, bitch

Y/N: I was just getting myself ready!!!!

Wands: u’re a clown

Wands: JUST DO IT

Y/N: why must you attack me like this

Nat: I’m interrupting my fight with that idiot to send you this very important message

Nat: do it, bitch

Y/N: I hate you both

Y/N finally taps on the notification and there - in all its glory there is one simple message that has been giving her a headache since the previous night. Granted, she was a bit drunk on wine, and the shriek she let out when she saw the blinking notification made her toss her phone to the other side of the couch. Wanda picked it up and looked at it confused, while Natasha slumped on the couch in order to see over her shoulder. They both whistled at the same time, which was disturbing in and of itself, thinking how alike all of their mannerisms have become since they became roommates two years prior.

She takes a big breath that does nothing to relieve her nerves, and biting her lip, she finally opens the app to her messages.

JamesBBarnes: Hey

Huh. Funny how such a little greeting makes her tap her leg unconsciously to the point that their downstairs neighbours will be complaining at their door soon. She closes her eyes for a second, shakes her head and mutters a 'what the hell.'

Y/Nwhatthehell: Hi

Now that this obstacle is over, Y/N idly wonders what made her so flustered. He's just a guy who happened to send her a message after following her on Instagram. There's nothing weird about it, is it? They're both attending the same university, she's fairly sure one of his friends is actually the guy Natasha is currently fighting with on that project of theirs. Maybe he just wants to be friendly, maybe he needs some management information for one of his mock trials. Who even knows, so what is she so stressed about? With a huff, she throws her phone away, determined to finish the chapter opened in front of her and relax for the rest of the evening.

She's in the middle of writing the last note on employee engagement, when a ping from her bed startles her into dropping her pen. She turns cautiously, as if sudden movements would force Aragog crawling out of the device, but decides she's being stupid again so she stands up and nearly lunges on the sheets.

As confusion is written all over her face after reading the first line in the notifications bar, she opens the app and stares at the screen.

JamesBBarnes: Listen, I know this might sound weird, but could you ask your friend to stop fighting with Steve? I'm trying to study over here and he's been throwing stuff around since yesterday saying something about a redhead girl who's hijacking his trial just bc she wants to prove a point

She doesn't know what she was expecting, but it's definitely not this. Is that disappointment she feels for hyping herself up just so he can ask this type of nonsense of her? Maybe, but maybe she just feels a little silly for having thought this guy would hit on her on Instagram. She sighs and replies to him, now annoyed with herself more than anything.

Y/Nwhatthehell: why didn't you just send her a message?

JamesBBarnes: From what I've heard about this Natasha, you seemed like the more reasonable one

The reply is swift, and makes her smile. Nat can be a bit too much if not handled with care, especially when it comes to group work. However, Y/N now has what seems like a million questions, and she’s even more confused than a few minutes ago.

Y/Nwhatthehell: how did you even find my IG anyway?

JamesBBarnes: oh Steve has a huge crush on Natasha and we were all forced to go through her every single photo and hear about how amazing she is every single day since the beginning of the year

JamesBBarnes: but maybe don't tell her that

JamesBBarnes: you know what, screw that. You can even show her that msg, the punk will never be man enough to tell her himself, might as well get my revenge for all the days I've been forced to listen to him go on and on abt her

She takes a second to read the messages again, when a howl of laughter bursts out of her chest. She had an inkling this was the case, from the way Steve has suspiciously been assigned to every single group project Nat had since September. And Y/N could bet his feelings weren't unrequited, for all the hissy fits Natasha has been throwing about him lately.

Y/Nwhatthehell: what if i tell you he might get what he wants if i tell her that?

Y/Nwhathehell: would you be able to put up with him when he's in a relationship with her? He's probs gonna be 10x worse

JamesBBarnes: oh shit u're right

JamesBBarnes: fuck it, might as well get it over with. At least he'll stop moping every time she calls him an idiot

Y/Nwhatthehell: you make a very compelling case, James. Studying law must have its benefits...you know, like having strong well rounded arguments

JamesBBarnes: my arguments would make more sense if i would be allowed to study ya know

JamesBBarnes: and it's Bucky

Y/Nwhatthehell: ?

JamesBBarnes: my friends call me Bucky

Y/Nwhathehell: so we're friends now, are we?

Y/N can't stop the feeling of giddiness that starts to inflate through her chest. She might not have gotten the flirtatious messages she was expecting, but this seems somehow better. More real.

JamesBBarnes: if we're playing matchmakers for our friends, might as well be, don't you think?

Y/Nwhatthehell: i think i'll need a stronger argument than that in order to help you

JamesBBarnes: tell you what. I'll buy you a coffee and a pizza if you help me with those two

Y/Nwhatthehell: coffee and pizza? A man after my own heart

She wonders for a second if that comment will freak him out, but hangs her head with a grin that splits her face when she sees his reply.

JamesBBarnes: only for you babe

Bucky stares at the screen, unable to process what he just sent. He likes this girl, likes how his first impression after seeing her profile hasn't changed after starting to talk to her. He knows how easy it is to lie away your life on social media, and he can admit he's more than excited that she seems as wholesome and funny through text, and not only through pictures. Following her and sending her that message yesterday was his genuine desperation at trying to do something, anything really to make Steve stop, but he didn't expect to actually want to keep talking to her. He really hopes he hasn't messed up anything, when 'Typing...' keeps appearing and disappearing.

Y/Nwhatthehell: i'll hold you to that, babe

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #college!bucky barnes x reader #uni!bucky barnes x reader #college au #bucky barnes college au #social media au #bucky barnes social media au

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naturaldisasterfanfiction · 4 years ago

Text

31.

Placing Fenty in her crib in our bedroom, it’s easier for us that she is in the bedroom rather then travelling around to her room. I am honestly at a stage where I think this is all so unreal for us, I can’t believe that I am a mother to a beautiful girl, I am a mother. Something I gave up on a while ago, I thought it wouldn’t have ever happened for me and it did, I am married on top of that to the love of my life and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I am finally thinking of me and I love it, I am entering a new year being a mother and wife, it’s so surreal when just last year I was crying to Mel that I am lonely and I have nobody, it was the perfect mistake to us. Fenty is very on time with her feeding, like her night feed is on time, she will wake up and then play up a little and then just want to feed to then go to sleep, the girl can sleep. If anything she is not like Chris, she sleeps well, and I am thankful she does sleep and doesn’t cry all of the time. Dennis and my mother have parted ways for the New Year, they have gone home, so that leaves just Chris and I with our daughter, it’s been a weird feeling to feel. It’s quiet and I don’t think Chris is dealing well with it, things are settled. But I give him his space, since Dennis went two days ago, he spent the first day on my hip, I mean like he was following me and I tried to do things with him, but I fall asleep, I am tired. My body is still healing, the day after I couldn’t find him and he was alone for the most of it but he’s not sleeping either now, which that has started again. When Fenty was crying and I didn’t feel the bed move I knew he wasn’t in the bed. Chris doesn’t like silence; he doesn’t like to be in silence and then also he has so much going on in his mind. I have never asked him if he takes his medication, I totally don’t do that with him. I have so much on my mind, I know things are quiet, but it will get better for him, like the home will start to get busy when the team is back.

It’s so hard, it’s so fucking hard to know where Chris is in this house and it’s bugging me. I have to wait it out until he comes to me, I am going to have to put some sort of tag on him to locate him because I can’t find him. I stifled out a yawn, I am trying to watch Real housewives, but I am failing at this, I have my daughter swaddled up next to me as I laid out on the couch, I am falling asleep again. I jerked at the sound of my phone blaring out ringing “Jesus” grabbing my phone from the side, Tina is calling me on New Year’s Eve too, surprised she isn’t drunk somewhere “hello bitch” answering the call “I can’t wait to see you! I miss you so much. I wish we knew you would be pregnant, then we could have had one last drink blowout” I chuckled at Tina “miss me huh, well I am going to be a reserved woman now thank you. I am married and a mother, my daughter don’t need to see her mother’ ass hanging now” I missed Tina “I will give it a year but anyways, erm what is Chris doing?” she didn’t even call for me “honestly, I wish I knew, he is somewhere in this house. I should have got an apartment; I can’t locate him or have the energy to find him” I need to start actually figuring out his spots in this home “I didn’t really ask what is he doing but like what is he doing on Instagram?” I breathed out “I don’t know, I don’t look at that shit Tina. Please don’t tell me it’s stupid shit” I hope he isn’t being dumb “there is whole battle going on with him and Drake, Chris did start it by commenting on a post and it was a old picture of you and Drake, he said that you all think I am the bad guy when Drake wrote a diss song on Rihanna. Drake wish he had a black child; his child is albino. And now like it’s kicking off, Jen text me and I called you” what is he playing at “god, why. Oh my god, Jen knows so someone as personally contacted her because she doesn’t check for it, what is being said? I don’t need this shit” I am just so fucking annoyed now.

I am going to not snap on him, but I want to know why, leave fucking Drake alone “sorry I am back, so Chris started with the albino thing, he commented on that post of you and Drake, then the IG gossip blogs saw it. Then Drake responded back but he posted a picture of your matching tattoos and said it was a great night. Then Chris went on his page and commented saying you, wait a minute just getting it now. So yes he put, you are old news nigga, how you saved pictures of a woman that don’t want you. Then Drake commented back saying you seem unsecure, is there some issues at home which Chris went on a full blown rant on how he is going to beat Drake for posting that, the thing is Chris is looking like the bad guy in this even though he made some valid points. He quoted a line from the diss track, but Drake denied it now, he is making out that never happened, Chris is losing his mind. He is currently doing it now; Chris is going back and forth with him. Jen didn’t mention who contacted her. She just said that Robyn should have had him under control” shaking my head sighing out “I am not controlling him Tina; he is free to do what he likes. I would never control him, I don’t know what idea you all have got thinking I control Chris, that I need to put a gag on him because it is not that and never will be” I kind of snapped on Tina “Robyn, I didn’t say that. Jen said it, but I think someone else has mentioned it” that annoyed me “he is my husband, he is not a dog. I am not his carer either, yes Chris shouldn’t have started but he is defending himself now he is making him sound crazy. Tina, just tell Jen that I want to know who said control him, but anyways. I have an appointment to go too, talk soon” disconnecting the call.

Zeus laid his head on my foot, I was supposed to go and see to Chris, but he will find me. My stomach hurts a little “you are so hairy, Chris needs to sort that out” Zeus looks fed up, I would move him away, but he doesn’t seem happy and he is also on my couch “where is Chris Zeus, you know where he is?” I asked him, this dog knows what I am saying. I have an appointment in an hour so he better hurry up “I literally came into this room but didn’t see you, I went all the way upstairs” Chris walked around the couch “where have you been all day Chris!? Seriously, and all night” Chris sat down but at a distance “in the office area thing, next to the garage. I been spray painting it” my eyes widened “what!? You’re joking right?” he shook his head without a care, he is being serious “not this house Chris, I didn’t want you to do that. What if we don’t stay here forever then what!? Is that what you been doing all that time” he nodded his head and clasped his hands together “smoke a blunt, paint. Just do what I want, then repaint it” staring at Chris in annoyance “so you decided to make a mess in this home, I am not having this home like the shit in your house!” I spat “it’s not, it’s one place, nobody will see. What do you want me to do all day, stare at you?” getting up from the couch as Zeus jumped off “well you could tell me, just tell me you are doing that instead of just doing what you like” I hissed out sitting up “well I went out in the morning, got them and came back” I didn’t even know he did that “why wasn’t I told?” Chris laughed, he finds it funny, but I don’t “you were asleep, man. I didn’t come to argue, I know you got an appointment” Chris got back up from the couch “walk off, we still have so much to speak on. Go on” waving him off, I swear to god.

Chris decided to come into the bedroom, I mean he has to eventually see me “have you stopped doing all that shit on Instagram?” zipping up the baby bag “I can’t take a shit without you knowing” I laughed shaking my head “what is wrong with you? You know what, just take the baby bag and go outside. We need to go; I don’t have the time to be just stood here hearing shit from you. Has the driver put the car seat in?” Chris shrugged, his lack of care disappeared, I mean where the fuck did it go “thank you Chris, really I mean it” picking up Fenty from the bed “the bag Chris” walking around the bed, I know Chris is struggling he probably feels like he has no freedom but it’s not that, he is fighting me on this now, I can tell he is. The fact he is going out without me knowing, I like to know what he does. I mean first of all I am his wife, and second of all he can easily go off the rails and end up taking drugs. I can’t let Chris slip, I can’t have this because then it will be I told you so, I know it’s not going to be plain sailing, I know for a fact it takes work and I am here for that but he needs to just try and help a long the way. Just tell me so I can make it right, try and make it better for him to be here. I understand he is struggling; I really do.

It’s been a while since I have been out of the house, but all I can think of is Chris and his behaviour “Robyn” looking way from the car window “mhmm, yeah?” I am not impressed of course “I just don’t feel like doing shit, my mood is low, and I am irritated. I just want to be zoned out and be alone, I am trying to break this mood by thinking of the good, but I can’t. Even now I just feel like I am not here, I feel like I am battling two parts of my mind, one part is wanting me to jump on a flight and go back to Cali and go back to normality and the other part is wanting to just cry and bang my head against a wall because my mind is racing. It’s really racing, and I can’t stop it, I need too” he spoke to me without being an ass “what made you feel that way Chris? I need you to tell me where I go wrong to help you” I asked “I just feel like I am not in control and in my mind I feel like it is a bad thing, it’s like mind games. I want you to take control but then there is another half where I want to be in control” shaking my head “you are in control Chris; I am only guiding you. Who said about this control shit!?” I have heard it a few times now “Ant messaged me, Jay Brown emailed him saying that he is not my manager no more, that Rihanna is. If I am to be married to you then I have to be under Roc Nation. Ant said it’s all games and control, she is controlling you and I said it isn’t and that plays on my mind” Jay Brown is a fucking liar “I didn’t even say that he mentioned about wanting you! That bastard” they want to play games “I am no good for you, like you love me, but you deserved a man to guide you” frowning at him “no, this is your mind talking. It’s not that Chris, too much is happening, and you can’t process it. I wanted a man which I have got, they are lying to you, I am not controlling you” they want Chris to seem like a little bitch and it’s not even that, they are playing on his mind “do you think that I am?” I have to ask Chris “no I don’t but shit just plays on my mind Robyn, it’s hard fighting your own demons on your own” reaching over touching his arm “you’re not on your own Chris, you got me. I am here for you, even if I am tired I am here for you. I see the change Chris, I do” this is what has been irritating Chris.

I filled out all of the paperwork while Chris sat with Fenty in the waiting room, I though there is no reason to just make them wait around while I did it. I had to fill out Chris’ part too which was funny to me because I knew everything, I had to even mention the Bipolar, but I did it while they waited in the room “is she awake?” Chris is getting her out of the car seat “yeah, she just woke up now” nodding my head “it’s ok, get out there” Chris has become a little shy with doing it now I am here “I am not judging you Chris. I want you to be comfortable” too late now, Chris is not doing it “why did you do that? It’s ok you know, I am not judging you” Chris is so deflated about things, I hate that for him. Reaching into the car seat “my little angel is awake, awww” kissing her little cheek before resting her over my shoulder, Chris placed the blanket over her “when we get back home we will talk, because you caused some shit on Instagram too” lightly rubbing Fenty’ back “they tagged me in some shit Robyn, the caption stated that you loved him and that I don’t deserve you. I am sick of seeing that fucking shit so I said it, they playing in my face I hate it” rolling my eyes.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #fanficiton

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deacied · 6 years ago

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evening sun . // one .

summary: messaging stupid things to your celebrity crush on instagram has no repercussions because it’s not like they’re going to read it anyway! obviously this doesn’t entail sexual harassment or general creepiness, but sending a meme they’d like or a picture or maybe something actually stupid like your phone number seems irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

or the one where you dm joe on instagram and your life actually changes

warnings: none other than like fluff

word count: 1.7k

she sends the stupidest message she has possibly ever typed in her entire life (eighth grade, angsty teen posts on myspace included) to him in the second week of march. the chances were low that he would open her dm, but he had been known to ever so often answer a handful at a time, and what did she have to lose if he did answer the message? she had sent him other things before as if he were her best friend, memes that reminded her of him or funny t-shirt ads, whatever it had been that she thought might have him grinning to himself--- however, clearly the response never-received wasn’t with this particular “friend”. she didn’t really know him, and he, blissfully unaware of her existence, yet she tried weakly to get the attention of him while he received thousands of others flooding his messages doing just the same. it was just a bit of fun really. a shirt that showed a t-rex wearing mickey ears, “wrong park!“ written across it had her laughing manically to herself before sending the post over to joe. she hoped she would see him in that shirt soon.

it was a hopeless cause that, well, wouldn’t crush her if the odds weren’t in her favor. nearly a month after she had sent the stupidest message, a notification of a new text pings through her phone. a glance over to it only to be met with an unknown number loses her attention as quick as it held it. she yawns. the action comes of mainly boredom though sleepiness threatens to claw its way into dominance as the summer rain continues to pummel unto the roof, warm florida air shifting through the porch, and the novel in her hand losing focus. a nap would be good-- perfect actually.

the crackle of lightning followed by a gargle of thunder shook her out of her sleep only an hour later and back into reality. every afternoon without fail, the casual shower of rain would pass over her family home just after three as if mother nature were taking her time with her garden. florida often promised hurricanes so the thunderstorms weren’t uncommon, but this particular one wasn’t supposed to hit until thursday, and with it being only tuesday, she knew this storm would last forever now: the earlier they came, the longer and harder they reined apparently. notifications sound off at a quick rate, though she easily dismisses it as something extraordinary going on in the group chat. trekking back into the house with book and phone in hand, her free fingers pass over her dogs’ heads as she passes them to head to her room. the thought of a shower to wash away the dampness from outside was the most ideal option she possessed, however, the implied doom her mother promised of a shower during a thunderstorm was the least. more notifications go off in time before she turns off the ringer entirely and plugs it into the charger. sixty-four (jesus) messages in the group chat on discord, another twenty-one from the same group on instagram, and god knows how many more on snapchat, but the one, singular cluster of notifications tucked at the bottom that held her interest had her pausing with head tipping in interest: another message from the unknown number.

lower lip curls between teeth as brows furrow an inch together. finally clicking on the messages, she feels like she might throw up as her eyes follow the pixels. holy. fucking. shit.

FROM unknown 11:18 am: It’s super dangerous giving your phone number to strangers on the internet you know? FROM unknown 11:20 am: I tried to call and kind of chickened out. I got nervous and I’m sorry. FROM unknown 11:43 am: Oh my god, did you really shoot your shot and just leave the court?

she has to read the messages at least eight times, take a screenshot, send it to her brother, and have him confirm she’s not having a stroke before she can go back to the originals with an intent to reply. thumbs hover over keys making absentminded shapes as she breathes deeply, loudly, anxiously trying not to have a whole mental breakdown. the message directly referenced her messages to none other than the boy from jurassic park, the bassist of bohemian rhapsody, the very angry baseball player of undrafted. there was absolutely no way that this was actually, truly, literally joseph francis mazzello iii. couldn’t be. nope. not happening. she doesn’t know what to reply back with for a good long moment, taking a second to collect herself and open up instagram to confirm for the hundredth time now that this is who she thinks it is.

the dm’s screen welcomes her, exhale escaping lowly as she clicks on joe_mazzello’s chat. he hadn’t replied -clearly, she most definitely would have received a notification for that or else instagram would have a very angry woman on their hands- but he had opened it. the time read 3:56am two weeks ago when he read them. her head falls backwards as the mental math floods hurriedly through her brain, trying to understand: so he had called a week after reading them apparently, and then waited another week before engaging contact again. he... he had been thinking about this for a while; it wasn’t just a spur-of-the-moment ploy to entertain a fan. god, she might throw up actually this time. thumbs navigate to open the texts from the unknown number again just to make sure they hadn’t magically dissolved into thin air. a slow exhale. one more final time she moves over the keys.

TO unknown 12:56 pm: who is this? TO unknown 12:57 pm: if this is who i think it is i’m gonna Lose My McFreakin Mind

she nods to herself as they send--- vague enough that whomever was on the other side wouldn’t think something strange was going on no matter what the outcome turned out to be. it had happened once where a friend texted the wrong number instead of her, asking if “mc fuckhead” was there. (that was an incredibly fun inside joke to explain.) head tips to the side slightly, hopping her train of thought from joe mazzello and him genuinely thinking of you to how strange every inside joke must sound to people outside of the inside. another vibration of the device jerks her back to the matter at hand, unable to help her heart thumping uneasily.

FROM unknown 1:26 pm: Hi, I’m Joe Mazzello from Jurassic- I mean, Bohemian Rhapsody and you’re watching Disney Channel! FROM unknown 1:26 pm: Thank God you’re a multiple text person too FROM unknown 1:27 pm: Please don’t Lose Your McFreakin Mind! FROM unknown 1:27 pm: Wait. FROM unknown 1:27 pm: .....Is this (@ y/ig)? Did I just fuck everything up with an actual wrong number?

suspicions couldn’t get more confirmed than that. her next set of texts goes out rapidly and without much second thought, a stupidly huge smile graced on her face that probably made her look like a maniac--- but really, if any person’s celebrity crush had texted them wouldn’t they have the exact same reaction? actually, now that y/n thinks about it, she’s being really, really calm. the internal screaming stays internal -thank the lord- though her cheeks already ache from the face-splitting grin she currently wears.

TO unknown 1:33pm: if i’m (@ y/ig) then wouldn’t you be @joe_mazzello? no? just me? ok TO unknown 1:33 pm: but hi yes i’m y/n ??? holy shit ??? what the fuck ??? TO unknown 1:34 pm: definitely losing my mind rn TO unknown 1:34 pm: but also 👀 real talk i was 👀 actually asking you 👀 out TO unknown 1:34 pm: like if you wanted to hang out 👀 haha

as soon as the last one sends, her heart drops with fear. fuck, what if the actor just wanted to do a fan a favor and answer her dm just for shits and giggles, or, best (worst?) case scenario he wanted to online-befriend her. she can very easily lose the one single chance she’s gotten and--- god, yes, definitely going to throw up. she sends another message in a haste, praying to whomever was up above that her last text actually saved her ass. he responds in actual record time, the girl tucked up on her bed unable to help the excited and very, very, very ugly squeal she let out as she starts reading the messages.

FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: Interesting.... I’ll have to accept your proposal. We meet at dawn! FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: But you’re in Florida right? I think I read that on your account, I hope I didn’t just pull that out of my ass. FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: I haven’t been to Universal down there in God knows how long and I was planning to go at the end of the month funnily enough FROM joe omg 1:36 pm: If dinosaurs and King Kong and Harry Potter and whateva are your thaaaang

an anxious groan soon follows-- of course this was the alternating year she had gotten a disney annual pass instead of a universal one like last year, and upon further inspection of prices, her bills due, and her bank account, it was a couple hundred dollars she definitely didn’t have to spend. she sets her phone down to calm her now raging anxiety, skin heating up and palms sweating profusely until she fists her comforter in hopes to dry them. asking an actual rich and famous person for financial help just to hang out with them was forcing her eyes to prick with tears-- she had to find something else, right? they could work something else out and she was just overreacting. it takes her verbally saying “you’re crying over universal, chill the heck out” before she comprehends and truly relaxes, tension melting out of her back as a slow breath falls from anxiety ridden lungs.

TO joe omg 1:42 pm: i actually love universal but i have a disney pass right now if maybe that was something you wanted to do TO joe omg 1:43 pm: idk if you’ve ever been to disney world but its so much better than disneyland if i’m honest lmao i’ve gone to california once and i went and i wasn’t super impressed TO joe omg 1:43 pm: i mean it was really cool cause it was the original disney but rides and attractions wise you know what i mean??? anyway im rambling wtf

the conversation rolls with no further lulls in topics to talk about, one in the afternoon soon turning to one in the morning and her eyes threatening to droop closed. with a final goodnight text the pair decide to resume conversation in the morning, and lord, did she have something to excitedly scream about then.

#okay uhhhh heres the actual first chapter #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello #joe mazzello fanfic #john deacon x reader

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years ago

Text

Salt and vinegar

First of all, thanks to everyone who read my first attempt at the first person writing, I always struggled with that.

I must say I didn't plan to write a second part to Cakes and accidents because I am a sucker for one shots with open endings, but I actually had a clear idea in my head about how it should continue, and I found a spark of inspiration so here is the part II.

And thanks to @tholland96 @jillanaholland for commenting.

Also part of the inspiration came from this interview in case you want to check it out.

Tom Holland x reader

One shot

Warnings: Fluff, cursing, poor table manners.

The message was bright and clear in your cellphone screen, but still you had to look at ti three more times to make sure what it says, and once the idea had sink in your head you tossed the device away in the laundry basket you were supposed to do that night as if it had somehow offended you. That wasn't real, it was a cruel joke of destiny that Tom Holland, actually Stanley, said the voice in your head, invited you to have dinner with him.

And of course you didn't want to read much into it, you have been talking in an amicable way for the last three days and he was probably trying to be friendly with you. But if you had to sit next to that charming smile and those breathtaking eyes that make you smile like an idiot just by thinking about them, for more than 20 minutes you will end up making an awkward mess of yourself and he would probably feel uncomfortable and would run away scared.

You pick up the phone and ignore the text to call your sister, she may be younger but the list of broken hearts in her past made her the perfect person to give advice, and since it was almost 8 at night she may be free in her new home all those mile away.

"Well he clearly enjoys your company" The voice of your sister told you in the phone after you briefly summarize how you meet him "Y/N why are you doing this? This Holland guy is clearly interested in you, what the hell if he said is name is Stanley or Lucas or Wenceslaus" She made a pause to let you laugh, she always did that, even when she was angry, making jokes was a second nature for Y/S/N "If anything it only means he wants to have a more normal discret experience as a young adult, and trust me it that is hard to find, you should see the blokes out here, they feel like just because they have a couple thousands followers in IG I should be kissing the floor they walk on"

"I suppose you are right, but I haven't done this in so long what if I mess it up?" You said with a voice a little more desperate than you hoped for.

"Then at least you have had dinner with a handsome lad, and you will move on. Look you are not sure if this is a date right? Then take it that way just two friends eating, a normal conversation, maybe a beer and please big sister put on a bloody dress" she said before you start lecturing her on how little you cared for gender specific clothes and she talked some more about her new school. By the time you hung up it was 9:00 and you sent the answer to his text.

Sorry, busy doing laundry. Sure mate! 6 works for you?

"Oh Y/N why did you say mate?" You asked yourself outloud, you really were bad at this.

And here I am, being useless. You are such an adult. 6 works perfect, I'll pick you. Sweet dreams mate! 😉

His text came in within minutes and you let go a relief sigh, before start thinking about what you should wear, but Y/S/N was right, you had to take it as calm as you could, and he was in fact a charming friend, worst case scenario you still were going to have dinner with Tom Holland, that couldn't be bad, and with that in mind you finally went downstairs to do the bloody laundry.

"Looking good Bristol" he said once you open the door at exactly 6:00 pm the next day. "Good thing Tessa is not coming today, will be a shame to get grass and dirt on that dress" he add pointing down to the skirt of the flowy summer dress you finally picked, looking at you for one second to long. So maybe it is a date your mind said happy.

"Oh that's too bad, I actually got her something" You said picking out something from your purse "So she won't be out there chasing innocent british pastries" You said giving him a chocolate cake plush toy. And following him out to his car.

"This is adorable" He said again smiling with his whole body, and you wonder again how does he do that? "Sorry I forgot to tell you to don't posh up, I'm actually just coming out of the gym" Actually never mind. Your mind told you since he was wearing again a simple black tshirt and dark blue jeans, and then you could notice his hair was wet, he probably had just taken a shower ... don't go there. "And I'm actually starving, chips sound good?"

"Sure, I actually didn't like the ones in Bristol so it would be nice to eat them here." Yo said trying to shake your thoughts away from the danger zone and putting on the seatbelt "Isn't it late for being at the gym? I hope you are not an excercise addict"

"I don't think I am" he said with a little laugh "But what do you think is this too much" He said with an obvious pretend innocence flexing up his arms making the tshirt rise on his abs. That's obscene sir, sorry girl you are on your own. Said your inner voice shutting down all logical thinking

"No, you look quite... healthy" You said finally looking to the left, never finding a review mirror so interesting.

"Good I would hate to be too big" he said and you could hear the amusement in his voice, and somehow the fact that he was aware of your obvious crush on him make you confident enough to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

"Obviously, period pieces never look good on beefcakes and you can't be spiderman forever" you said casually and he turn at you a bit astonished.

"When did you knew?" He said and thankfully his tone was not anger nor embarrassment just genuine curiosity "And I would love to do a period piece, what about Heathcliff ?"

"Well I don't believe there is many Staffordshire bull terriers around named Tessa" You started "But I actually recognized you when I saw you" You finally confess, feeling the pressure lifting off your shoulders "But I thought since you were not comfortable giving out your own name it wasn't my place to say anything. And Heathcliff is overrated Linton on the other hand is more of a challenge"

"Oh don't be so harsh on yourself, I didn't mind giving my name or not, it just seemed something funny to do at the time, and Tom or Stanley I actually enjoyed talking to you" He said while he found a place to park. "Do you mind walking from here? Is a nice place but doesn't have and actual car park".

"Not at all, as long is not more than 5 blocks, I am getting hungry" you said with a smile while he maneuver to park his Audi.

"O'Neill's Kingston upon Thames" He said once you were both on the ground and he once again offered you his arm "Have you ever been there? Great food"

"I actually never been there, but sounds fine, let's go" you said gladly taking his arm and walking by his side and a couple blocks later you were finally at the Irish Pub.

"A pint of Guinness and cod and chips" He said returning the menu to the waiter.

"And the lady?" He asked while you struggle to not take forever to decide what you wanted, an old bad habit that your mother have tried to change constantly.

"The Bacon cheese chips and a pint for me as well" you said finally putting the menu away.

"My kind of girl" He said and winked at you, clearly not realizing that your legs will stop working because of it "So when do you go back to bristol?" He asked and that honest interest encouraged you to speak.

"By mid September, my mother is actually about to toss my train ticket in the trash since I didn't came back for spring vacations, but I had so much work that I couldn't."

"I totally get it, whenever I'm away my dad makes such a big deal about it" he said letting go a little laugh "I mean is not the same since I didn't go to college but is sweet"

"Oh but you cross the Atlantic, they have reasons to be worried. I'm just one train away" you said and a small spark of pride shine in his eyes, was he self conscious about you being in college? No that was ridiculous. "Anyway I actually needed this, my friends from uni are in their houses and my friends from high school are too happy with their boyfriends and girlfriends to hang out with me." There I'm a loser now we are even.

"And your sister is gone, been there. I have the feeling Harry is going to break up with me when he gets a real girlfriend" he said and make you laugh, a bit louder and more nasal than you wanted.

"That's some laugh" he said laughing too but instead of making you shut up or get embarrassed you laughed louder causing the waiter to look at both of you like you were crazy while holding your food.

"Yours is no better sunshine" Yo said finally and giving a I'm so sorry look at the guy that kept looking at you and he finally put your food on the table. "This looks delicious" You said taking out one of the chips making a cheese string to extend from the hot plate.

"That's like too much cheese" He said making a funny disgusted face, and then proceeded to add more vinegar and salt to his chips.

"And that's like too much vinegar" You teased back at him, and then taking a big sip of the Guinness.

"No darling, this is too much vinegar" He said taking one of the complementary pickled eggs on de table and giving it a big bite.

"That's actually fucking disgusting..." you started but ironically and unplanned you were betrayed mid sentence by the beer and a loud and horrifying burp came out of your mouth, and the shame and the look on other people faces made you want to be swollen by the floor "Oh shit, I'm so sorry, that was so awful, I'm so gross..." The apologies start bubbling in your mouth while your face turned red and you dare to look at him, and the serious look on his face could have broken your heart in the very moment because you could almost hearing him say how you should end the dinner for once.

"Oh you wanna get tough" He said instead and took a sip of his beer and let go an even bigger burp and then looked at you with the brightest smile yet and add "Beat that baby" and he raised his opened arms as if he had won. You only smiled and nodded and you kept talking about other nonsenses until two beers and a order of onion rings later he was waiting at the door for you to came out of the bathroom to walk back to his car.

"Sorry I take forever, I went back to give a bigger tip to the waiter, we were so awful" You said at him.

"You were awful, I was being completely charming" He said and this time he didn't offer his arm to you instead simply took your hand without saying a word and before you noticed you were already walking holding it tightly.

"Of course you were, the guy put two more picked eggs at the table for you and kept looking drooling" You said and he laughed.

"Sorry sweetheart I can't turn off this pretty face" He said pointing at him when you reached the car, you couldn't agree more.

"Well he must be in love, that's a lot of vinegar to want to kiss someone" You said, again before you could think better and stop your tongue, he stood still and you questioned yourself if you had offended him, since he didn't say anything you let go of his hand and try to walk to open the door, but before you could do it he grab you by the wrist, and you froze immediately.

"That's actually quite disappointing you know?" He started no smile, but no anger either, just an honest tone, he let go of your wrist but you remained in your place "But I have never think it's okay to try and kiss someone in the first date so I figured it would be okay"

Your feet were still on the ground but for a moment your head was miles and miles away in the sky screaming of happiness and incredulity, it was a simple four letter word yet it felt like the most beautiful poem in his lips, and at the same time your logical thinking brought you back to the ground in a millisecond, you needed to be certain of what he had said.

"Well I was not aware this was a date, otherwise I wouldn't have ordered the extra onion rings" you said and give him a timid smile.

"Then I must be terrible at this" he said opening the car door for you "Although I wouldn't mind, but as I said it's a first date so I just want to take you home safely.

"Well that's really sweet of you" you started and he start the car to get back to your home "And since apparently I'm incapable of behaving like a decent person in public when I'm with you next time you should come to my place".

"I like your indecency" He said "And I would love too, are you going to tell me that you can cook too? Because in that case you are officially annoyingly adult"

"Of course, my speciality is reheated pizza in the microwave" You said and he laughed, there was a narcissistic pleasure about being able to make him laugh.

As a perfect gentleman he walked you at your door, there was so much that you wanted to tell him, but the idea of going out with him again soon was so powerful that you almost didn't mind watching him leave.

"That was the funniest and more amazing date I ever have"

"Oh stop it" You said blushing again "I'm going to start believing you and it would get to my head"

"Believe me, I almost run to the drugstore to buy a toothbrush" He said and give you a devilish wink that make you thank your door for being behind you holding you still.

"You know how unfair this is when you look like that?" You said desperately looking at your feet "And for what is worth I have an amazing evening too, and if I'm honest I wouldn't have mind at all too" You said and dare to touch his arm softly before turning your back at him to get inside.

He suddenly grabbed you by your waist and turned back to him, planting a quick soft kiss on your cheek, and you could see the fun grin on his face, he was not being considered he was torturing you with anticipation, and you love it.

"Goodbye then" He said and with one last wink he walk away and got in his car.

You stood ther for solid five minutes touching your face where he had just kissed you and watching the street, then you finally get inside thinking about how happy and uneasy this force of nature of a man made you feel, he would be the end of you, but you wouldn't change it for the world.

#tom holland is adorable #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #first date #funny #fluff #tom holland fluff #London #fish and chips #beer #Guinness #tom holland interview #part two #romance #fanfiction

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linkeai · 6 years ago

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jealous

mu ziyang ( oner )

summary: a little prank on your boyfriend courtesy of both you and his friends goes very wrong.

genre: fluff, kinda angsty ig

word count: 1,406

Ziyang had never been the jealous type.

Really, he wasn’t. He never got mad at you hanging out with other boys, people complimenting you and wasn’t really bothered by men looking at you so long as you weren’t uncomfortable. He knew you loved him and him only, so there was no need for jealousy. That was what he had told you, anyway.

So you had always thought that Ziyang simply wasn’t the jealous type; which made it all the more confusing when his friends tried to convince you otherwise.

Ziyang had invited you to spend a day out with him and the boys because they wanted to see you since it had been a while. You’d all gone out for lunch and the second Ziyang had excused himself to the bathroom, the boys had jumped down your throat asking questions about the relationship that Ziyang was fairly private about.

This conversation quickly led to the question of “how do you deal with him being jealous all the time?”

You were confused, to say the least. “Jealous? Ziyang doesn’t really get jealous.”

They all stared at you for a long moment before laughing like you’d said something funny. You were about to ask what they meant when Ziyang started approaching the table again and Bu Fan said, “just watch, Y/N.”

Ziyang sat down beside you and glanced around at the group, suspicious of your silence. “What are you guys talking about?”

You started to respond before Yue Yue cut you off and easily replied, “we were just talking about how perfect Y/N looks today.”

Your eyes widened in surprise at the sudden compliment, cheeks burning. Yue Yue shot you a winning smile and Ziyang breathed a laugh, drumming his fingers on your knee below the table and responding, “they do, don’t they?”

You smiled, averting your gaze to the boys as if to say ‘i told you so,’ but they didn’t look phased. You sank back in your chair, preparing yourself for the very long day ahead of you.

It got worse from there. Throughout your lunch, the boys had not missed a single opportunity to compliment you or flirt with you. At first, Ziyang just breezily agreed with the boy's compliments or shrugged it off, but you could see he was starting to get irritated by the constant stream of attention toward you. Things took a turn for the worst, however, when you decided to play along. You knew it was mean, but you were curious to see what would happen and if Ziyang really was the jealous type, even with his own friends.

“Y/N, your eyes are so pretty!” Ling Chao said sweetly, resting his chin on his palms. You took a nervous sip of your water, glancing sideways at Ziyang and growing slightly frustrated by his lack of reaction. “Thank you,” you said. “Your eyes are really pretty too.”

Ling Chao’s eyes widened in surprise and Bu Fan coughed, choking slightly on his water. You were all silent for a second as Ziyang shifted slightly in his seat. You glanced sideways at him, seeing the disgruntled look on his face before quickly looking away and seeing the sinister smile on Bu Fan’s face.

“Mine are prettier though, right, Y/N?” He teased, batting his eyelashes. Suppressing the urge to smack him, you smiled sweetly and responded, “of course. You’re both very pretty.”

“What about me?” Yue Yue said, a whiny edge to his tone. Clenching your jaw and trying to ignore the rising heat emanating from your boyfriend, you said; “you’re the most handsome, Yue Yue.”

The second the words had left your mouth, all eyes nervously moved to look at Ziyang, who was quietly seething beside you. Maybe he was the jealous type after all.

After a moment of horribly uncomfortable silence, Ziyang cleared his throat and his chair scraped against the floor, startling all of you. “Everybody done?” He said as though nothing was wrong. His actions stated otherwise, as he grabbed his jacket and your own off the backs of your chairs and jerked his head back impatiently. “Come, Y/N, let’s go home.”

You quickly got up, shooting a glance at the other boys who looked as frightened as you felt. Not really frightened of Ziyang, he was harmless himself, but his temper wasn’t something to be trifled with.

He took your hand and as he pulled you away, shouted over his shoulder “Yue Yue, you pay!”

You swallowed thickly, throwing one last glance back at the boys, those damn boys as you were lead all the way from the restaurant, through the parking lot and into the passenger seat of the car without a word from Ziyang.

And he didn’t say a word as he started the car and drove away, not bothering to turn the radio on and leaving the car in heavy, awkward silence.

About ten minutes later, you finally broke. “Ziyang,” you started.

“Don’t,” he said quickly. His voice was cold. “Don’t talk to me right now.”

You bit down on your bottom lip, slumping in your seat and staring at the rearview mirror. You had messed up. You knew it had been a bad idea in the first place, but it seems Ziyang either hadn’t gotten the joke or wasn’t finding it funny at all. You didn’t speak for the remainder of the drive, listening tensely to Ziyang’s fingers drumming a quick beat on the steering wheel.

You arrived home and got out of the car, almost running to keep up with Ziyang’s quick pace to the front door. You fiddled with your fingers behind his back, eyeing him nervously as he calmly looked for the right key. When he unlocked the door and waited for you to step inside, you were half expecting him to push you against the wall like you were in a movie or something. No such luck.

He gave you an angry, narrow-eyed look as you stepped inside that made you gulp, closing the door behind you with a soft click. He kicked off his shoes and stalked inside, not looking back at you or saying a word.

“Ziyang,” you called for the second time. You hadn’t meant to sound so exasperated. Again, you practically jogged to keep up with him as he made his way to the bedroom. “Ziyang!”

“What!” He turned so quickly and answered so loudly you almost slipped and fell over, staring at him in surprise. He took a deep breath, crossing his arms. “What do you want?” He bit, calmer in comparison.

You took a step toward him. “It was just a joke,” you laughed nervously. “The boys said you were the jealous type and I didn’t believe them. I thought it would be funny.” You explained, ashamed that you’d made Ziyang so upset just for a stupid joke.

“Funny,” he repeated stonily. “You thought it would be funny.”

“I…” You scratched the back of your neck, looking at his shoulders instead of his angry gaze. He scoffed, turning on his heel and disappearing into the bedroom. “Ziyang, I’m sorry!” You called out. “It was a stupid joke, I didn’t think you’d get mad.”

You followed him into the bedroom, where he was already waiting for you in the middle of the room like an angry stone statue. “Didn’t think I’d get mad?” He repeated. “You didn’t think I’d get mad at you flirting with my friends?”

“It was a joke!” You protested, not understanding why he wasn’t getting it. “I don’t actually want to flirt with them.” He blew air from his mouth, sitting on the corner of the bed and seeming to deflate slightly. “So why would you? The joke wasn’t funny, Y/N.”

You huffed, moving to sight beside him on the bed. He didn’t move away.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to see you get jealous.” You admitted. He chuckled, still sounding slightly irritated. “Well, it worked. Congratulations.”

You breathed a laugh, leaning to the side to rest your head on his shoulder. He hesitated a moment before sighing and throwing an arm around you, kissing your head.

“Are you still mad at me?” You asked in a small voice. “A little,” he responded just as softly. “I can’t stay mad at you.”

You smiled. “You don’t have to be jealous. You’re the only one I like.”

Ziyang didn’t respond, but his red cheeks said enough as he tilted your face up and pressed a kiss to your lips.

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frivolity2015 · 6 years ago

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A Look Back at 24, the Men I dated, What I Learned, and Why 25 was a Great Year

I have been meaning to write an entry about what a mess 24 was, how 25 was amazing, and how I hope being 26 this year will enable more growth and be filled with more awesomeness.

A Heart that Loves

I entered the dating game somewhat late in life. I never dated while I was in high school or college, or even pursued dating in general. My first relationship didn’t occur until I was at the ripe old age of 23 and so it goes without saying that I was pretty naive when I entered into it. I was so naive that I expected it to be like a teen romance movie and it didn’t take long before I realized real life is nothing like that.

My first relationship was with Antonio, a classmate and (former) friend from medical school. I had only known him for a few months but we were fast friends and became attached at the hip. When I returned to St. Kitts for my 4th semester, the landscape changed since two of my closest friends were gone and I began to invest more and in my friendship with him. Although I wasn’t initially attracted to him, there was this weird phenomenon where the more I saw him, the more attractive he became. One day in March, halfway through the semester, Antonio led me away from a party to talk and within seconds, we fumbled through a confession that we had mutual feelings for one another.

Things were a bit confusing at first because it was my first time developing genuine feelings for a person, and even more confusing was that that person was a guy. Surprisingly, it didn’t take too long before I felt comfortable telling him how cute I thought he was and how I enjoyed holding his hand under our backpacks while we road the bus home to conceal our intimacy. We even went to our Med 4 Banquet together and coordinated our outfits. That night, I quietly snook out of my apartment to sleep at his place for the first time. I’ll never forget how he looked as he stood over the balcony waiting for me and how he led me to his bed. I felt my head fit perfectly on his neck as we lay there, and so with almost no hesitation, I asked if I could kiss him. He said “yes”, and that was my first kiss. I was in relationship bliss. St. Kitts really was a paradise.

A Heart’s a Heavy Burden

Going to Portland, Maine, was like realizing that the clock had struck past midnight; the fairy tale was over.

I don’t want to get into specifics but it was like the Antonio I knew on the island was replaced but an unrecognizable person. The person who made me feel special only made me feel unwanted. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: there is absolutely no worse feeling than having to convince yourself that someone loves you.

Our breakup occurred almost intermittently over the course of the summer. At first he said he needed a break with very defined boundaries that became less strict. I would occasionally see glimmers of the old Antonio but it wasn’t enough. Because I was so in love with him, I sacrificed so much of myself hoping to be loved by him in return. I over enthusiastically jumped at the chance to visit him in California when he invited me to stay with him and his family. I even thought my arrival there signified that we were a couple again since he planned a photoshoot for us at his favorite beach spot.

However, he put his walls back up as soon as I returned to NJ. He became dismissive and distant again. And then, days after my 24th birthday, he broke up with me through a Facebook message, that I never really recovered from.

When rejected by the person you love most, when betrayed by the person closest to you—that’s when self-abasement begins. You hide in a space that’s all your own, and close your heart.

I’m not a fan of who I became after my first relationship. My self esteem was shot. I was upset. I was angry. I had no one to talk to because I wasn’t out yet.

I like to celebrate my birthday surrounded by love because I really believe that it only invites more love into your year. Unfortunately, I felt unloved heading into my 24th year. Looking back, what I regret the most is how bitter I let myself become. No one likes that taste in their mouth but I couldn’t get rid of it.

It didn’t help that the Jantonio saga took up the majority of the year. I kept going back and forth trying to be his friend and trying to reconcile with him; I kept looking for a closure that didn’t exist. I kept holding onto the hope of us getting back together and that he would wake up and realize how much he loved me. That never happened.

Ultimately, I ended up self sabotaging myself in August 2013, nearly a year after our break up. After a well meaning g chat conversation that he initiated, our friendship was officially over. I even removed him from every social media account. I felt horrible about losing a friend and experiencing something where there couldn't be any absolution but I knew it was what I needed to do. The out of sight and out of mind method worked until a friend told me that he was heading to Chicago. I felt so guilty about the way things ended that I reached out to him and asked to meet up with him but he never replied. I can’t even begin to describe how it felt knowing he was in the same city as me for the first time in over a year and that I couldn’t see him, or reconcile.

Sex in the Windy City

I have to backtrack a little bit here because my saga with Antonio overlapped with my misadventures in Chicago. I moved to Chicago in June 2013 and I was determined to find love, enter a relationship, and finally move on! I decided to try online dating since my friend, Caryn, was so successful on it (and now she’s getting married to someone she met on OKC!).

Online dating is definitely a really interesting experience. I’m glad I did it but I would never want to go through the world of online dating ever again. Online dating felt like I was playing some online game instead of finding a match. It makes you feel shallow, it can boost your confidence, and genuinely creep you out.

I’d like to call the next part of this the “What I Learned” section, full of anecdotes, funny stories, and what I really learned from each guy.

JR was one of the first people that I messaged on OKC. He had a really well thought out profile and he was really good looking. He was a graphic designer, he was Filipino, and he was also a recent transplant to Chicago so I thought we had a lot in common. He was also the first person I asked to meet up so I was beyond thrilled when he said he wanted to hang out. His initial idea of a hang out was to go see a movie (LAME!) but we ended up deciding we would just go out to eat. Since we were both new to the city, we didn’t really know where to go but he lived downtown and figured there would be many options. I drove up to his place to meet him and he made me wait over an hour for him because he was busy getting a haircut (and later I saw that he was taking selfies of himself to later put up on his profile; how uncool!). That should have been the first sign that we were incompatible but I waited for him anyway. He didn’t even apologize for being late! Even thinking about how rude he was gets me annoyed. Dinner was okay and the conversation was actually pretty decent. In the end, he paid for our meal as a means to apologize for making me wait and so I agreed to meet up with him again. I wish that I was strong enough to decline because he ended up being a waste of time. Looking back, I should have seen the signs! He used the same cologne as Antonio and he was also from CA. If he was anything like Antonio, I should have seen that he was trouble.

For our second meet up, we decided to be tourists and go see all the city guide spots. Again, he was late and didn’t even apologize for making me wait for him at his place. He didn’t even help me navigate around the city. Also, he was REALLY boring. Although I found him somewhat eager to talk about himself, he had absolutely no interest in actually making conversation. By the time we made it to dinner, I was miserably bored. He kept talking about how his friends were inviting him to go out that night but he never invited me to join him. I felt dissed and decided it was time to go and he acted surprised when I wanted to leave early.

I learned from JR that I didn’t want to date a guy that was way too into himself. He bragged about how much money he makes, how he was too good for an audi, and how essential he was to his company. He was a true narcissist. If you check out his IG account, it’s full of selfies and his purchases. Yuck. I’ve bumped into him twice since those events. Once at a mall where I was trying to avoid him but he followed me into a store and waited for me to notice him and acted like he wasn’t following me. The second time was after matching. I went out to boystown to celebrate and since I knew I couldn’t avoid bumping into him, I went up to greet him. His first instinct was to mention how Antonio had visited him. Yup! It turns out that Antonio and him had a history. Antonio flew all the way out here to visit him right after out heated break up in August 2012.

Kekoa was one on the reasons why I was excited to move to Chicago. Don’t judge me here, but I actually screened all the cities where I could do my clerkship for which had the most attractive guys. Kekoa's profile was one of the first ones listed in Chicago, and I had an instant crush on him. I wanted to meet him, but I decided I needed to practice talking to other guys online first to not blow my chance with him. His profile included a story about playing a game of Taboo that was so wild that the police were called due to a noise complaint. Luckily I had plenty of experience playing Taboo in medical school because it was one of the only games we had on the island (thanks, Nick’s mom!) and I was able to send a message with more substance than “Hey, what’s up?”. Needless to say, I was ecstatic when he messaged me back and agreed to meet up. Our first “meet up”, as he likes to call it, started at a cocktail lounge, where I got carded and became self conscious since he told the bartender that I looked like a baby. Luckily, our dinner went well, and conversation felt seamless; I even had to excuse myself to put more money into my parking meter. I thought it was a perfect date, but there was some radio silence afterward that made me think otherwise.

Luckily, I’ve learned that persistence is key. Since he wasn’t getting back to me about another date, I made made a trip up to his campus to make it too convenient to see me. I was told that a second date is the true test to see if it’s worth pursuing the person, and this date did just that. I ended up staying the night at his place, and when I awoke the next day, I was worried that I’d have a Bridesmaids moment and be kicked out, but he invited me to get breakfast and taught me how to parallel park instead.

I saw Kekoa once more afterward, and then didn’t hear from him again. I remember reciting a prayer before sending him my third text in a row without a response asking God to inspire him to message me back. I was at work when I received a text from him basically saying that right now wasn’t the right time for him to be in a relationship. Although I accepted his answer, I timidly asked him to message me when he got back if he wanted to reconnect, but I knew that was a long shot and his track record only didn’t make me believe otherwise.

Juan was a nice Mexican guy that I met on OKC. We met up at the mall near me, which was really sweet since he was the first person that didn’t have me drive out to them instead. The first date went well and afterward, he told me he had a good feeling about us and wanted to see where things could go. I was curious too, so I eagerly agreed to another date. For our second date, he picked me up to take me to his favorite spots, which included a late night restaurant in Chinatown and Hollywood Ave Beach. I really appreciated that he wanted to give me insight into his world and that he wanted to share it with me. In the end, I didn’t really have any romantic feelings for him; I didn’t even feel inclined to kiss him or invite him up to my room after second date. I kind of loss interest since I had decided that I wanted to fully focus on Kekoa. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere when he asked if he could call me and I was completely uninterested in the conversation.

I learned that it’s important to be with someone who has more in common with you. Although Juan was nice, his idea of fun was watching drag shows and he worked as a store manager for Party City, so it made it hard for me to relate to him or empathize with him if he had a busy work day.

I bumped into him almost a year later at Scarlet and we both excitedly introduced each other to our boyfriends. I could tell that we were both mutually happy for each other and I really am happy that he’s able to make someone else happy.

Genesis was the first person I reached out to after Kekoa up and left me. I was so desperate to meet someone who could fill the void I felt that I met up with him after a short exchange of messages. I feel horribly shallow about this, but I could tell that I was not attracted to him from the moment I saw him. That non-attraction definitely put a damper on the rest of the date even though he was a genuinely nice guy. For once, I felt like he was trying to drive the conversation more than I was. To be honest he could probably tell that I wasn’t invested.

I learned that I was becoming desperate and that desperation is not pretty. Feeling desperate was even worse than being alone.

Ramil was a Filipino guy almost 10 years older than me. I wasn’t too excited to meet up with him because nothing in our conversations pulled me toward him. Regardless, I was so desperate to meet someone that I said I agreed to meeting up with him. There really isn’t much of a story here but I can’t help but laugh a little when I think back to how taken aback I was when he first opened his mouth and spoke to me. I was so surprised by how (Micky) mousey his voice sounded that I had to have him repeat his hello. Our lunch date was boring and I couldn’t even pretend to be interested.

I learned that I am just as shallow as every other guy out there. I couldn’t get passed the sound of his voice and judged him way too harshly.

Alan(?) was someone I met when I downloaded Grindr in an act of absolute desperation. Clearly, the theme of August was “desperation”. I was pretty optimistic about online dating and didn’t think it would take too long to match with someone. I felt pretty successful with the attention I was receiving from people on OKC and even more lucky when I had found a match in Kekoa up until he vaguely ended things. So I went on a date with someone from Grindr, a hook-up app, who didn’t have a very clear profile picture and it didn’t show his whole face. Big mistake. He must have used an old photo because it didn’t look too much like him. In addition, he was kind of bitchy and I wasn’t into his vibe at all. Obviously, he didn’t make much of an impression on me since I can’t even remember his name.

I learned to never go on a date with someone with just one profile picture. It’s almost a giveaway sign that they’re not going to look like it in person.

Bryan was someone who I was intimidated by on OKC. His profile was highlighted in red because it meant that he didn’t respond often to people’s messages. I figured he could be selective because he must have had a lot of interest thanks to the many shirtless photos he posted (in addition some really good answers in his profile). Surprisingly, he messaged me back! It was an instant ego boost that someone that OKC had labelled “very selective” responded to me.

I picked him up from his work and was happy to see that he looked like his profile picture but I felt tricked as soon as he opened his mouth because it turned out he was a Vietnamese fob with a very strong accent. So in that instant, I became a self hating Asian. Horrible.

Our first date was pretty horrible too. He didn’t know where to go around his work so we ended up at the mall’s food court. The silence was awkward and palpable. I felt like he was just watching me eat and it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk. He finally opened up when we made it to a Starbucks. He was actually pretty interesting even though he was obviously shy. He was born and raised in Vietnam, moved to Singapore for school, continued education in Texas and then moved to Chicagoland because of a job that needed someone who was multilingual.

After a quiet date, he messaged me asking if I would be willing to go on another date with him. I agreed as long as he promised to not be less shy the second time around.

I will use this opportunity to take a break, recap, and try to tie in all these loose ends together

The darkest days in my story of heartbreak culminated during Labor Day Weekend. Kekoa had just ended things with me. I went on several “fail dates” that left me feeling empty, desperate, and ashamed. Needless to say, my self esteem was at all time low, and that’s a considerable thing to say since I had always been very secure in who I am. Things got worse when I received news that Antonio was coming to town. I still remember being at work and feeling my heart race to the point of exhaustion. I was shocked to hear he was coming here. Janet Jackson’s “Again” started magically playing in the background of that moment. I thought I had come to peace that he was no longer in my life since I had a few weeks to heal but I reached out to him trying to make peace. He never replied and I had to accept that I wasn’t going to see him although it left me devastated. This was the same weekend that Bryan asked me out and I was glad to have a distraction.

Bryan brought me to Boystown, the gay neighborhood in Chicago that I had never been to but wish I had discovered earlier. We grabbed dinner and then headed out dancing. I was actually having fun! I forgot about being down and out and just moved my body to the beat of the music. We went to another bar and he brought me to the third floor in a secluded area and attempted to kiss me. I cock blocked him and said, “maybe we should get a drink first.” However, he was really persistent. He made his second attempt at a kiss and I gave in. He was not a good kisser. I felt like he pursed his lips so tightly together that I could feel every wrinkle and my tongue had nowhere to go. Things got a little bit creepy when he tried to feel up my shirt. He said, “I can tell you have a nice body.” Honestly, he had a nice one too. Fully chiseled pecs and a tight 6 pack. He stood taller than me at 5′ 10″. We continued making out until he pulled back and said “I could fuck you.”

That should have been my sign to run away, but I didn’t. I agreed. I kept thinking about how Antonio was so displeased with me for never going all the way with him. I was at my lowest point and genuinely believed that maybe it was time to give up on losing my virginity to someone who I loved and loved me in return. I loved Antonio but knew that it was one sided, which is why I never let things go that far. After experiencing so much heartache and going on so many fail dates, I started to believe that I was meant to be alone for the rest of my life. I am not proud of that night and I get upset with myself when I think about all the opportunities I had to walk away from it all.

I felt gross the next day. I couldn’t even look at him without feeling sick. But there he was in front of me, representing all the things I had desired the whole summer--a boyfriend, a relationship, someone that was into me--and suddenly, I didn’t want it, any of it, anymore. That was the last time I saw Bryan.

I learned that no act of desperation should make you do something out of character.

When I was 13, a priest said that the purpose of saving sex for marriage was because we give up half of ourselves when we become one with someone in intercourse. If you go around having sex with multiple partners, you’ll only be able to give a small fraction of yourself to your spouse. If you wait until marriage, you can give all of yourself to the person you make a vow before God with. As soon as I heard that, I promised myself I would wait. I even prided myself in my determination. Yet at 24, at my lowest, I gave that all up and gave a part of myself to someone I didn’t even know.

When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.

I drove home feeling disgusted with myself, with my actions, what I gave up and what I had let myself become. I turned into a senseless person desperate for love. I became someone who’s self esteem was suddenly rooted in whether or not I was in a relationship. Believe me when I saw that prior to Antonio, I had never desired having a significant other because I never saw the point in having one. I was fully content in myself and the relationships I had with my family and friends.

I got home and declared to the heavens above that I was done with dating. I was done with being upset. I uninvited myself from my own pity party. I was focused on rebuilding myself and allowing God to heal me and make me whole again. “Shake it out” by Florence and the Machine became my anthem and every time I sang the chorus, I felt like I was gaining myself back.

It felt like the moment I that I was finally at peace with myself and my situation, the universe threw a few unexpected and surprising pieces into place and I accepted them with open arms.

After waiting what felt like an eternity, I finally sent Kekoa another text message. I knew that Septemeber 6 was his birthday, so as early as August, I planned on messaging him just to greet him. Unfortunately, OKC lied to me and tricked me into believing that his birthday was a day early. PRAISE THE HEAVENS ABOVE because Kekoa actually messaged me back! I wanted to be chatty but I had to control myself and keep it short, simple, and make every attempt to not sound like a stage 5 clinger. My plan worked because he messaged me several days later, the day before my birthday, asking when my birthday was.

When it rains, it pours.

Manny was someone I met on OKC after my crazy Labor Day Weekend in hopes of just making a friend. He didn’t live too far from the suburb I was in so we met up for bubble tea. He was actually REALLY good lucking, tall, and Latino. I was instantly attracted so I was disappointed when I learned that he suffered from Yellow Fever. I only hung out with him twice. My second hang out with him was at his place where we watched a Korean Drama (”Who Are You”). His room was covered in anime and K-POP posters. I was definitely taken aback by it but thought it was kind of endearing. However, I soon began to think he had an Asian fetish because he would send me photos of hot Asian guys on my phone and say “Happy Humpday!”. I never met up with him again but he was definitely one of the people that contributed to the upswing I was feeling as I turned 25.

I learned to NEVER date a guy with Yellow Fever! It’s super flattering at first but then it gets creepy real fast.

Smith was someone I messaged on POF (yeah, yeah, another dating app). He was Laotian, blond, and was only 2 years younger than me. My only intention was to make a friend and stated that from the beginning. I was surprised he wanted to meet up since most of his messages to me online were one lined and I felt like he wasn’t interested in meeting me when he could be going on dates. He was really quiet the first time we met. We were supposed to watch a movie but then all 4 of his roommates came home unannounced. I was really nervous to be meeting all of these people all at once and I could tell that Smith hadn’t told them he was about to have company over. I’m pretty sure he felt awkward introducing me to them when he had just met me moments ago. Regardless, I ended up having a pretty decent time watching “Insidious” with them.

Several days later, Smith invited me to his birthday dinner with his roommates and it was really fun. We went back to his place and he insisted we took shots for his birthday. We ended up not going out that night but he insisted that I slept over instead of driving home. I did. And it was so nice just sleeping next to someone and being held. It was purely innocent; we didn’t even share a kiss but I really appreciated that. I was leaving for home by the end of the week but he made me promise that we’d celebrate my birthday when I got back.

Everything changed when I turned 25.

One reason why my 25th birthday is so memorable for me is because my relatives from the Philippines were there to celebrate it with me for the first time! The other reason was that I felt like I had two prospects waiting for me in Chicago.

I started seeing Smith pretty regularly, but it was pretty casual, and I started wondering if we were just meant to be friends. That changed the night of his birthday party. A few of his friends I was meeting for the first time implied that they’d break my neck if I broke his heart, which definitely caught me off guard but gave me a bit of courage to be more flirtatious. When I tried ordering a drink for him at the bar, he placed his hand in front of mine to stop me from speaking, and I kissed his hand (I’m actually blushing as I type this). We went outside, made out, and I ended up staying the night with him.

I really, really liked being with Smith. He was young and fun, and more importantly, he made me feel young and fun. I loved going out dancing with him, fooling around with him, and just being around him. If I could talk to him now, I’d thank him for pulling me out of my rut and making me feel loved and special again. However, I knew it wasn’t meant to be. I honestly couldn’t see myself fitting into his world, no matter how fun he was or how sweet he was. It broke my heart to end things, but I learned that you shouldn’t be with someone if you can’t see how you would fit into their world.

Kekoa, again!

I was seeing Kekoa around the same time I was seeing Smith. We made plans to celebrate each others birthdays in early October. I was so excited to see him, but I was actually really offended when he made fun of my outfit and I actually thought he was trying to really hard to impress me. At one point during dinner, I even thought about how this would definitely be the last time I’d see him. However, we ended up going out dancing and drinking and I ended up at his place. I’m embarrassed to say that I drunkenly basically confessed that I had a huge crush on him and thought that he was marriage material. YIKES! I woke up the next say saying “I should go”, and left in a rush. But surprisingly, Kekoa messaged me again the next day and asked when he’d see me again.

Things got a little bit messy as I’d spend a Saturday with Smith and then have plans set for Sunday with Kekoa. But once I realized that I didn't fit into Smith’s world, it made it easy for me to end things with him to be with Kekoa. I formally made the decision to end things with Smith when Kekoa tried to nonchalantly call me “babe” and asked me to be exclusive (on November 1).

I wanted to start our relationship on an honest foot, so I told Kekoa that I was seeing someone the same time I was seeing him. Kekoa was hurt when he found out that our story wasn’t exactly how he perceived it, and I thought he’d never want to see me again based off of how he reacted. But the next day, he called me and asked to come over. He basically told me that he didn’t care about my past (cue “As Long as You Love Me” by the BSB) and that he loved me. He said it so easily and without hesitation. It warmed my soul in a way I can’t describe. It made me feel secure in us.

Needless to say, the rest is history and we’re still together, and still very much in love. I entered a relationship where everything was an adventure, where communication was mandatory, where every day felt important, and everyday with him felt like home.

What did I learn? I learned that:

Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps, hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.

Also important: I learned what I don’t want in a relationship. My relationship with Antonio was toxic and I allowed myself to be belittled into an empty shell of a person. I learned that it’s SO important to be with someone who values you, someone who loves you, and someone who won’t push you away or keep you at an arm’s length. It’s important to be with someone whose whole being is one that you want to emulate. And somewhat oddly, and I’m learning this in pediatrics, it’s important to be with someone who you’d want your child to grow up to be like and that’s what I have with Kekoa. If my offspring could be kind, intelligent, selfless, patient, adventurous, and have a healthy appetite, I know I would be bringing more good into this world.

I didn’t mention this earlier, but Antonio actually reached out to me with this message prior to my birthday:

“Jan - I know this is out of the blue and I’m probably the last person you want to hear from. I just want to apologize for not responding to your texts when I was in Chicago. In all honestly, I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know what to say because the last time we talked it seemed as if we weren’t going to talk/chat/see each other for a while. Things between us have been a little too emotionally heavy for me (and I’m sure for you too) and I really just wanted some space from that. I’m sorry for everything that has happened but despite all of that I still truly value your friendship even if we agreed to take a break from it for a while. I hope all is well with you and thank you for everything. Ps. Advance happy birthday”

I was tempted to respond and try to reconnect. But I knew I couldn’t. I know I couldn’t let someone so toxic reenter my life. And I’m proud of myself for severing that relationship with him and blocking him out of my mind and achieving peace.

I pretty much spent my whole 24th year being heartbroken, but that’s okay. I learned so much about myself in that year of self loathing and true desperation. I am a naturally optimistic, happy-go-lucky, and cheerful guy, so I am thankful that I was able to experience emotions I had never felt before. If anything, it makes better able to appreciate all of the happiness I have now and have an understanding of who I am at my worst and best.

I think what I learned is best said by my spirit animal, Dr. Christina Yang:

“Burke, Burke was…he took something from me. Little pieces over time, so small I didn’t notice. He wanted me to be something I wasn’t, and I made myself into what he wanted. One day I was me, Christina Yang, and suddenly I was lying for him and jeopardizing my career and agreeing to be married and wearing a ring and being a bride until i was standing there in a wedding dress with no eyebrows and I wasn’t Christina Yang anymore. And even then I would have married him. I would have. I…I lost myself for a long time, and now…that I’m finally me again…I can’t…I love you. I love you more than I love Burke. I love you, and that scares the crap out of me. I let him take pieces of me. And that will never happen again.”

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norman-reedus-gossip-mod · 8 years ago

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--mod-- you know the deal

Anon: anon people don' like her cos she cheated on 1st husband and cheated on JJ twice. She sneaked around with NR all year. She set him up last week. She told stories to the papers (this was proven actually if you look). She is rude to people and even stalked his ex girlfriends social media and liked posts to make him to be a liar. She lies herself and sets up pap shots for herself all the time. She is a fake and the reason she doesn't get much work is cos people dontlike working with her.

Anon: There is indeed a girl on twitter who says NR was with his girlfriend. Someone asked if he was alone and she answered "con su novia" (with his girlfriend).

Anon: Just my theory , norman's peeps wouldnt lie and def not sayingg " just friends" if norm knew he would dating her 2 weeks after they denied it , i think she is in love with norman and tries to get his attention as much as she can (and yes incl media) , norm know for sure she likes him so he might invited her AS A FRIEND to hangout in Spain or Barcelona (wherever they are)OR talk about stuff and thaangzzz , which i hope so he can make her mouth shut to call the media or her worthless attention. 😊

Anon: Mod what do you make of the pics with fans? Why would he take pics with fans if DK were right there? Maybe it's not even her. Maybe it was someone from the gallery. --mod-- I just assumed he was alone.

Anon: So you still think norman and diane are not dating? --mod-- Basically

Anon: sorry for English. I am so sad . Is he lie? How to trust anything from him? --mod-- Nothing's confirmed. Just suspicion and speculation

Anon: And i was about to say " i finally live happy in my Normie fantasy , hopefully that one person wont ruined it" , apparently i would say it too soon 😂 --mod-- So you're the jinx ehh anon

Anon: norman as a fuck buddy that is willing to travel to the other side of the ocean for sloppy seconds?! lol of course he denied...he doesnt have anything serious with her...what is he going to say now? oh this is my friend that i fuck now and again??like he comes like a major dishonest person regardless of their status. actually have nothing to do with that is the way he dealt with it. --mod-- Whys it gotta be sloppy tho.

Pinyah: This mean JDM agree with Norman and dk thing? --mod-- I couldn't guess

Anon: I personally didn't see the comment so maybe you can dig it up but someone on IG said the girl who took the picture of Norman and the unknown woman on his bike said it's his curator "Laurie". Again not sure if true because I didn't see her comment by myself. If she said it we could easily put the upcoming shitstorm to rest already. I sure hope it's right.

Anon: Yep Mod, look at normanreedustea. One of the girls who posted her pics with Norman was asked on Twitter if he was alone and she answered "con su novia" which means "with his gf". And why would she say this if it wasn't obvious it's his gf. Deeply disappointed and disgusted of him. No longer going to support him. Official lying is such a shame. Hope his reps and AMC are going to kick his ass for this debacle

Anon: Well ok I was in grammar school when HC(who can I just take a moment to say how cool and beautiful she is, goals people) and N were a thing, but I I highly doubt this is the same thing. Tbh up until Sky came out, I thought January Jones and DK were the same person lol All jokes aside, if this were his gf, or shit someone he bangs on the reg, wouldn't he I dunno see her more than occasionally hanging out? Like if I remember correctly didn't his child bride (CS) used to visit in GA? lmao. Mod?

Anon: To the anon that says DK stalks his exes, is this true? Cause that's a lifetime movie in the making I can totally get behind. Where's PRwife when we need her? She seems to know her shit.

Anon: I don't know who NR and DK think they're fooling at this point 😂 does anyone still believe they're not a couple?! --mod-- Me

Anon:   

Wow, a lot of people think Norman "owes" his fans the truth about his romantic life. He really, really doesn't. If you want to think he's a liar because his rep said he & DK are friends, OK. But maybe think about, if he did lie, are there reasons he might, including possibly the way fans react? Why would he put DK through that if they aren't even sure themselves if they're a couple? There are lots of reasons that he might "lie" that don't have anything to do with disrespecting fans.   Anon:  Hi mod, i just came to say goodbye and thank you for this blog <3 i think i'm done with the dk thing and i need a break from this blogs and stuff. I'm sad not because he's with her, but because he denied the rumors and, even if they are just friend (which i don't believe), he's not taking care of his reputation right now. At least he could stay away from her a pair of weeks of something, to shut the rumors, but he didn't. He deserves to be happy, i know, but i'm just done with him. Love you mod! --mod-- Well come by and say hi sometime I'll be here  

Anon:   I find it funny that Norman's people had that video removed. Shows how much we can trust him and his people. 

--mod-- Who said he had his people remove it. You do realize that it had something on it the was supposed to be a surprise feature in the show right  Anon:  I don't get all the hate. He's a grown man and can be together with whom he wants. I don't like DK, but it's his private business. And he doesn't have to render an account of his private life. And if he says to the public that they aren't together to have at least some kind of privacy, that's totally fine bye me.    

Anon:  

Maybe I was wrong, maybe it's DK that has a magic 🐱, cause it sounds like he's risking his reputation and career on her. I just think he needs to either come clean, or she can pull the stick out of her ass and say something. I still don't think they're in a serious rs, but regardless, it's kind of shady. I mean if I had a bf and he was going to basketball games with other women and walking around acting single, I'd cut his dick off and feed it to him lol    Anon:  I don't want to shit on anybody's parade but have you guys seen the the accounts that has commented on the IG user's that posted those pic? Except maybe one or two EVERYONE shares the same things, saying the same things. It seems to be one person but with different accounts. This takes the credibility down a lot. Someone seems out to just spread gossip and ruin lives       

Anon:  

Mod is it 100% confirmed that it's her? Maybe it's me but I don't think Norman would be taking selfies with Fans on the street while DK was standing beside him...? 

--mod-- Nothing's been confirmed   

Anon:  

look, i always side eyed him for even being friends w her. having followed her career a bit before i even got in to TWD (after the QT movie), she just seems like a nasty piece of work, & I don't know what NR sees in her. that said, if he actually fucks someone on the DL, while getting his rep to officially deny even casually dating, then that would be as scummy a move as any desperate game she has played. possibly worse. i really hope NR is such a fucking lowlife  and thats not to say NR can't fuck people casually, but to me, its one thing to have a fuck buddy or hook up w one nighters, its an entirely different thing to constantly have someone fly around to meet you, spend time together, fuck them on a very regular basis, and then deny that you even casually date. there is nothing wrong w saying "they go out but its not serious". its really gross to hide a woman, shuffle her around, fuck her, then say "we're just friend" while having her meet 2 fuck   

Anon: Do people need their eyes checked those purses are not the same and neither are the boots go take a good look at them I swear as soon as people think it's DK they believe everything I'm giving norman the benefit of the doubt until I see her actual face

 Anon: *Also to be fair, I can put on Twitter right now I saw Norman blowing dudes behind an Arby's, it doesn't make it true. Although he seems to be classier than Arby's, maybe In N Out?

 --mod-- Dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣  

Anon:

DK posted a picture of her and Fabienne yesterday, and they were both at his Paris art show, so they're probably both just there supporting him for his Barcelona show  

Anon: Mod I have a theory: I think Norman has INVITED DK to the 2nd art show this time because of all the hate she was getting over the garage pics (even though it's obvious she *did* set them up) I think he's trying to show that he's still FRIENDS with her to the public. And maybe he thinks because he officially denied it that everything would be fine on his side. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. So he has to do something to clear the air AGAIN imo because this is only hurting him Anon: Ok, you can so tell that DK & NR are dating! N wants to keep it a low profile cuz he knows his fans tend to get a lil craycray and he feels bad for all the threats towards his gfs. Plus those pics from Spain... that's definitely her purse & shoes. Common. But honestly, N has gotta live his life and be happy; his true fans would support him. I may not like DK, and I doubt their relationship would last that long anyway 😂 ..but whatever. Don't let it bother ya'll too much. ✌🏻 Anon:  

Have to vent about ppl saying it's none of our business-True we have no say in what he does& he doesn't owe us explanation, but when we're spending our money buying into an image he puts forth on a regular basis & repeats in all his interviews only to find out that he isn't any of the things he claims to be, I think there's a right to be upset about who we thought we were supporting. It's not that he COULD be with someone, it's that he would have lied about it after preaching honesty. :(

    normanreedusdaryldixon32 : 

I just want to say over the DK thing.  I’ve been a fan of Norman since the boondock saints and now. I always supported him and I loved how cute, sweet, honest to his fans which he still is to his fans. In my opinion since he done the film ‘Sky’ he has changed. He says that he hates “dishonest people” but his acting like one. I do believe he deserves a woman who loves, respects, cares, supports him now matter what. But DK is not that type a girl as we all know. I hate the fact he lied to his fan or whatever. I also don’t understand 'if’ they are “friends” what kind of friend goes over to Spain to see them It doesn’t make any sense to me. I think Norman should get his head out of his ass and just think for once. Like a said before I do believe he deserve a woman that loves, cares, respects, ect. But DK is disrespectful, rude, mean, treats her fans like shit. I don’t want Norman turning into that person. Maybe he won’t turn into that person. But I just don’t get what does he see in her? DK must be so desperate. But now I’m so disappointed in you Norman. 😔    

Anon:  

mod I saw on ig that norman's make up artist says she was with him today? is that true? because why would he have been riding around with dk, met with the curator and gone to a make up artist all in a day? maybe it's not dk?   

Anon:  

DK's style, behavior, and interests "suddenly changed" since she's been gunning for NR. She's seeking to trap him and she's just about there. She's as manipulative and inauthentic as they come. Hope NR thinks it's worth it, that and all the money he's going to lose to this scheming woman. Now is when he needs a true friend to give it to him straight, but everyone is afraid tip-toeing around the glaring issue.  

normanreedusdaryldixon32 :  

This is not a question: Seeing Norman on that bike with DK makes me so angry. Let me explain why because I've been a fan of Norman since the boondock saints. I loved how cute and honest to his fans. But now since he done 'Sky' he has been very disappointing lately. He says he hates people are dishonest but he acting like one. But do believe he deserves a woman who truly loves him and not just for his work or fame. But Dk is not that kind of girl she's so dishonest ect. It's disappointing Norman    

Anon:  

To the ones grasping at straws saying he didn't lie, you're leaving out the part where the denial said JUST friends. JUST meaning ONLY friends as in no romance. They also denied a romantic trip which the implications of that are a romance. But they denied the trip thereby also denying a romance. Sorry guys. He lied.  

--mod-- Question, does having say a friend with benefits, not saying that's what's going on, considered romantic?

 Anon:  

So mod I respect your opinin the most. What do you make of all of that stuff with the biker girl? Do you think it's DK? And if you do, then what do think of the denial? It's very confusing if he issued a denial only to be caught redhanded with her again two weeks later. I can't figure out what he would be thinking. I also saw some fanselfies he was taking which is odd if she were with him. What do you think? --mod-- I'll be perfectly honest. I really just don't care. It doesn't matter if it's her or it's not. I think the denial still stands, I'm mean I've travel half way around the world to visit a guy friend, and no we weren't playing flesh Tetris. But again I super unbothered and don't really care who's beast he's smothering   Anon:  This guy is just an ass. He is letting DK play people and he doing it as well. People hate cheaters and liars. You have both right here. Surely you don't deny the dishonesty?   

Anon:  Mod, did you find out who it was on the bike? Was it her? --mod-- Nope   

Anon:

 I'm telling you folks, if that video was taken down it was because it was bought by Reedus' folks. What a damn fool he is to risk so much on such a classless woman. Do you believe it was purchased before gossip rags got to it?

   Anon:  

I can't stop crying. It just changes everything about him. He's not the same guy. he was so special and down to earth to me and now he is no better than anyone else in showbiz. He sells fans an image for money and he doesn't care about any of us. not really or he wouldn't have lied. He tried to trick us into thinking he wasn't with her and even released a pr statement saying they were just friends? I am so depressed i can't stop crying  

--mod-- You shouldn't cry anon. Just because he's made a few mistakes and maybe has tried to hide something, doesn't change him completely, we all do shady things in life but that doesn't change us completely. Sure he may have lied and avoided telling the truth but that doesn't negate the time and effort he gives fans. But I do understand why you feel the way you do

 Anon:  

i'm sorry to be rude but this man is ignorant as hell playing this game and clearly he doesn't realize just how this is going to back fire. He's risking it all for a tramp. DK has what she wants, attention. She is sacrificing NR in the process and he's just stupid. Hate he is such a liar and now proven to have no character at all. He made a lot of professionals look like idiots. What an asshole. What's your position Mod? --mod-- I don't have one. I'm not bothered by it.   

Anon:  

Norman is a huge disappointment. Not only is he a LIAR but also a COWARD & a SNEAK. Not to mention a CHEATER!!! I lost all respect for him. He just lost a long time fan.    

Anon:  

Mod I can't even watch TWD anymore bc I hate Norman for LYING to his fans & sneaking around like we wouldn't find out. He thinks we're all stupid & doesn't give a shit about us. He disrespects his fans therefore I cannot continue to be his fan bc I need to admire & look up to someone I spend time following on IG, watching his shows, spending money on his movies, photo ops, merchandise, etc. He doesn't respect his fans so I don't respect HIM anymore. I'm done. Goodbye Mod & the nice ladies here --mod-- Farewell Dear Anon until we meet again  

Anon:  

Hey Mod, I was looking at the pics and I don't think it's the same shoes as DK. If you look at the ones in the NYC pic there don't seem to be a distinct heel. The chick on the bike, her shoes have a heel you can see. Also, that's not the same backpack she has in the NYC pic. DK has a purple backpack on. The purse is the only thing that's fishy imo.    

Anon:  

It doesn't prove anything mod but I just noticed that DK's knapsack in the NYC pics are purple. The girl on the bike has a black knapsack.    Anon:  I kind of hope after this if he isn't giving DK the hot beef injection, he's fucking someone, cause this is crazy. If i were him I'd be putting in everyone --mod-- 🤣🤣🤣🤣

   Anon:  

Is traveling across the ocean to visit him a gf thing to do? Hell yeah. But its also a wealthy person with a freelance/travel heavy career thing to do. Are they dating. I don't know but its obvious they're friends. With all that hate she gets from being connected to him this visit is a surprising choice to make but she's older than me so I guess she gives less of a crap about what bullies think. That's something to look forward to! lol

Anon: NR's reps denied the kiss rumor and the weekend rumor. This is the only official comment. There was no one saying they'd see each other ever again.   rebellacycle:  Hey mod been reading all the posts on here on dk and norm . Do you think she will be at the art show if so that will be interesting.  

 Anon:  

It seemed like there were quite a few fans around NR posting on twitter. If they all saw DK with him I'm surprised literally no one recognized her. Isn't she considered a famous actress and supposedly even more than NR * Anon:  

I want to cry. I believed him. I believed his denial and defended him against everything. How could he just lie like that? I know I don't know him but I never thought he of all people would do something like that to his fans. If he's really with her, I can't be his fan anymore. I don't want to watch Ride or TWD now   

Anon:  

I've always wanted Caryl to happen. I don't nos because I don't won't the beautiful MMB to have those disgusting, lying Norman lips on hers.    

Anon:

 Oh look in that video there are two blonde ladies in black jackets. How's that for a fucking coincidence lol    

Anon:  

i hope this whole thing don't affect TWD, which ratings are already low :(   

Anon:  

Mod are we sure it's not the curator with her hair up? She has a black leather looking coat on from the vid. I know the purse and the shoes are a little bit suspicious but the hair may be just tied back and you can't see it in the pic.   

Anon:  

Uh, the NYC garage pics didn't "just happen". Diane paid Daily Mail and TMZ and tipped them off, seemingly without NR's knowledge. The accompanying articles were filed with misinformation yet somehow they know about his place upstate? So its pretty clear she wants to go public with whatever they do or don't have. IF he's sneaking around with her, he's doing it for himself because he doesn't want to even publicly acknowledge it. She clearly wants him to. That makes me kinda sad for her.   

Anon:  

Hello Mod, thank you for all you do. I always see eye to eye with you and appreciate your level head. I have never commented, but I want to say that no matter what NR & DK "relationship " is, was, whatever, or if she's in Spain or not,when his opening roles around everyone please be prepared, don't be naive, she WILL be there, taking pics, with fb and her "posse". This is about publicity for herself. I am not passing judgment, just stating what I think will occur and why. Take Care Mod.  

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