#honestly tho i do like math
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so when IS your birthday? :0
I know right??? math is such a fun subject!!!
Open the tags if you dare
#i promise im not avoiding the question this is just funny#asks#honestly tho i do like math#english is one of my worst subjects because numbers make more sense to me#it funny that people look at me as an artist and are like “so you're majoring in art right?'”#nope lol im going into accounting#im decent at resource management and organization#i even got an award for most organized in my stage craft class#incase you dontnknow what stage craft is its basically the construction crew for the drama kids to do their thing#props costumes backgrounds lighting sound#all of that is stage craft stuff#do some math silly ✨#and basically i got that award by organizing the entirety of the stagecraft room#everything was stored in there and it was a mess#ended up spending a few weeks just organizing the nails screws and bolts#was supposed to only take a few days but no one was helping#also had to organize them by length too#but in the end it was a lit of fun and not i have a cool poster up on my wall with my chosen name#so not all a loss#yes i am rambling on purpose#and i shall keep doing it now#but honestly its so nice that people are being more considerate of my pronouns and chosen name#i actually feel like im being respected as a person and not just a student#its like they didn't trust me to know myself before which is annoying#but hey i guess it could be worse#im living with my aunt now so thays a huge improvement#my parents may have tried but uhhh#they didn't always do the right thing#ok i think thats enough rambling for people to have stopped read at this point#i got to get ready for school now
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uncle nina, were u a directioner becuz i feel like thats what inspired rm mayb
*sigh*
...no.
unfortunately, i liked 5sos.
which i think explains...
Everything. :/
#mY GIRLFRIENDS BITCHING CAUSE I ALWAYS SLEEP IN#SHES ALWAYS SCREAMIN#WHEN SHES CALLIN HER FRIENDS#SHES KINDA HOT THOOO#YEAH SHES KINDA HOT THOOOOO#honestly extremely ravesey coded i fear#but dhflhdslkflhdsf HEEEELP CRINGE NINA LORE DROP#i was also a luke girl which i also unfortunately think#explains everything i do hate my life you guys i'm sorry#i know almost next to nothing about one direction#i was a Hmmfph! I'm Not Like Those Other Girls! girl in mid/hs#and literally refused to get into them#i want does SLAAAAAAAAAP tho#holy shit that song is gas#also DRAG ME DOWN????#ALSO PURE FUCKING GAAAAAAS BROTHER#the girl in my 10th grade math class writing 1d fanfiction#in her math notebook shamelessly in front of me walked#so i that i could fucking marathon SPRINT on ao3 baby!#thank u to that queen i love u thank u for living ur truth <3 :*#it was filth by way oh my god go to CHURCH girl!
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that hurts ngl
#i texted my irl bestie in all caps and all she said was …#literally three fucking periods#and i was telling her abt this cute earlier and she said that#idk what the fuck is going on honestly#we haven’t been texting a lot lately and i understand bc she literally has summer school volleyball practice and gym like everyday#and god it makes me feel terrible bc whaat if she doesn’t mean that and i was just overthinking shit#maybe i am not worth anyone’s time#idk i just feel terrible and guilty of eveything even tho i didn’t do anything#god i should’ve fucking signed up for that math program so i could do summer school with her#idk guys
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Actually it is SO weird to me to remember that I was an engineering student and that later on I had been pursuing a minor in statistics
I may be a IT & com person in the end, but I do have the foundations of engineering and statistics in my brain too. Wild !
#speculation nation#if i hadnt liked coding so much i probably wouldve still been an engineer.#like my school does a first year engineering track where u learn the basics and then explore different engineering options#so by ur second year u choose your official track and that decides the rest of your schooling.#and id been thinking about computer & electrical engineering. often goes hand in hand.#guys i couldve been an electrical engineer. honestly that wouldve been so cool. wasnt meant to be tho 👍#i took a coding class my 2nd semester. first experience with coding. it was in C. i LOVED it.#and it got me comparing computer engineering and computer science and i decided that i wanted to do computer science#but well the intro course for that fucking sucked. didnt wanna go back to engineering either bc i hated engineering lol#im smart enough but it's fuckin soul sucking man.#eventually tho i found my way to my current home. im a techie :3 and im happy with that.#anyways do i seem like the kind of person who was into engineering and statistics? sometimes it's weird for me to remember.#but i did spent Years assuming id end up as an engineer. my grandpa was one. my dad was studying to be one b4 he dropped out#and my sister is one. just kinda runs in the family i guess. & so i was So Sure that was where i was going.#took. an engineering class in high school and everything. taught me some good foundational skills in modeling#also was the class that let me develop my signature. bc we had a notebook we had to sign the top of every day#so me doing my signature over and over again. i decided to use it as an opportunity to make it My Own. rather than just my name in cursive.#so yeah im a techie that talks good but i do have that math brain. engineering basis. statistics knowledge.#kinda feel like a jack of all trades (master of none) with it all. but see thats a good thing for companies (i hope)#ive got foundational knowledge of many things. and i am Adaptable. they can teach me the in depth shit i need to know themselves.#and i Also have my work experience in management... which i hope will help my case when applying to companies too.#aaaahhh!!! so many things to think about!!! but at the end of the day i am smart & educated and i will be a good asset to any company i join#i just need to convince them of that 😂 but i can probably figure something out. something !!!#i will graduate college and get some kind of IT job that pays decently & work my way up to maybe someday being an IT manager or smth#i can finally start. truly growing up. instead of being stuck in forever college unable to drive myself anywhere.#have my IT job and a car and the ability to do Whatever i want.... god i want it so bad.#im just daydreaming by this point. god im so excited to finally graduate college.
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who was going to tell me it's not standard to pronounce the natural log (ln) like "line" i've been going around saying "line e" "line two" "five line three x" for YEARS!! nobody corrected me!!! FUCK
#i must've thought i'd heard people say it like that.... bc i read it as 'lin' which gets wordified into 'line' like i know it's natural log#but it was always 'line e'#tho. coming from the kid who read street signs 'dr' as 'doctor' instead of drive and honestly still does. i guess i should've expected this#you know what? fuck all you guys i'm gonna keep saying line#FUCKING!!!! DAMN IT!!#toasty talks#im doing math. sorry for the rant#it's fun! graphing to check answers is always fun#math
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My mom got a refurbished laptop recently and I was the one who had to set it up
Upon opening, it became abundantly clear why the laptop was returned. It was fine, only the set up REQUIRED an internet connection and yet.... it did not detect the wifi card. Could not connect. Thus the laptop could not be set up at all
I had to go and do shit in the command line to let me have the OPTION to not have internet while setting up and like -- why the fuck do I need internet to set up the fucking laptop, unless you're trying to harvest data EVEN DURING SETUP.
Once that was done though, the computer detected the wireless card and all was good.
I figured 90% of people would've been stumped by that set up process alone and then maybe another 5% would've found the solution online but were too scared to try it.
I *hate* how tech has gotten to this point.
Me: oh yeah, if you think school photography is hard now, try imagining doing this with film.
The new girl: what’s film?
Me: … film. Like… film that goes in a film camera.
New girl: what’s that mean?
Me: … before cameras were digital.
New girl: how did you do it before digital?
Me:… with film? I haven’t had enough coffee for this conversation
#also we need to let kids just do dumb shit on a proper pc again#this is how ppl learned and it was fun#additionally i think a lot of ppl need to stop with the learned helplessness#they look at computers and go welp not my thing and refuse to even google their questions#tho admittedly google is worse now#but still its just... gods. wtf#and there's like govt software running on old ass proto coding languages only current 60-70yr olds know#and we gotta drag those ppl out of retirement when crises happen#like thats. so bad#and then ceos keep devaluing the field#and never update shit that needs updating and then make ppl dump effort into monetisation shit#like the dumbass fiasco with southwest airlines rn#shskrkspanckskaka#god the current state of tech pisses me off so much#you could not pay me enough to work in that environment#honestly flunking out of super theoretical computer math was a blessing in disguise#i can do all the practical things but when it comes to theory im lost
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IIIIIIII give up
#i am NOT reasoning well at all and honestly could care less#ill just leave my maths notebook @ home and say that i forgot it#in like less than thirty mins im going to my phsycologist and do u expect me to do maths when i get home???#i will repeat the theorical things tho just in case#rurutalks
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Who in seventeen -condom Or no condom? 🫣
(It's not about babies tho)
seungcheol: no condom. likes to fill u up mostly of the times, but is the king of “pull out before cumming” also, he’s that guy who’s always clean and careful, so he’s confident.
jeonghan: depends on his mood, honestly. he’d do a quick mental math on how risky it is and ur preference, then throw you a “are we feeling wild today?” smirk.
joshua: condom, 100%. it’s not even up for debate in his mind. he’s the “safety first, babe” type, with that angelic smile to back it up.
jun: not condom. he’d straight-up admit he prefers the “feel” and would say it with zero shame, something like “it’s just better that way, we know it.” but of course, he respects what you want primarily.
hoshi: both. he’d probably just say “whatever you want,” completely open and happy either way, and he’d be equally hyped regardless! but he’s definitely the one fumbling with it for five minutes trying to open the packet and going “hold on, almost got it…”
wonwoo: condom, and he’s bringing extra. probably has them stashed all over just in case because he’s too low-key organized for any slip-ups.
woozi: no condom. doesn’t want anything between him and feeling every single thing. he’s picky, probably thinks “nicer this way” but he’s respectful and will always check if you’re cool with it. when its “yes condom” day, he would buy those “feel everything” condoms.
minghao: not condom. “if we’re serious, we’re serious,” he’d say with a cool shrug, seeing it as a natural sign of trust between you two.
mingyu: hesitates for a second, then condom. he’d be like, “i mean... unless...?” but he’d end up using it, muttering about how it’s the smart move.
seokmin: condom. would have options like he’s running a variety pack sale, giving you choices and making it fun. (would have neon ones that shine in the dark???)
seungkwan: condom. the cautious type, he’d make it super smooth, though, like it’s no big deal—like he should.
vernon: surprisingly no condom, because he’s got the “i mean, are we worried?” vibe—only if u are fully on board, though, otherwise he’s switching up real fast.
chan: condom, because it's a habit for him, but there’s a hint of “unless we’re feeling risky today?” sometimes, that’ll make u laugh.
#seventeen reactions#seventeen imagines#seventeen headcanons#seventeen scenarios#seventeen#svt imagines#seventeen smut#seventeen x reader#svt smut#seungcheol smut#jeonghan smut#joshua smut#junhui smut#hoshi smut#wonwoo smut#woozi smut#minghao smut#mingyu smut#seokmin smut#seungkwan smut#vernon smut#chan smut#dino smut#soonyoung smut#jihoon smut#scoups smut#the8 smut#dokyeom smut
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doing the review sessions at 2x speed but it all cancels out and i dont actually save time lmfao
#me going on instagram and tumblr and ao3 every 2 seconds 💀#sigh i was gonna study for a bit w friend on zoom but she cancelled#which is fine she was sick a few days ago so still kinda bleh but now im like struggling to get back to it XD#bc i was waiting for her for a lil bit#ajfnjdbkjsbdjkghkadhfgdgiqurhguifnjdkngfdabgk i gotta finish this fucking review session and then igotta at least start on this cheat sheet#cheat sheets always take me forever 💀 rip#up til 3 tonight lets gooo lets do it#jeanne talks#honestly. bro why was this course so fucking good#like the content was like math like fine and it was hard but#the way this shit was organized and all the ppl they had to help and all the resources and shit SERIOUSLYYYYY#CAN THE MATH DEPARTMENT STEP UP AND BE LIKE THE CS DEPT LMFAO PLS#apparently the math dept sucks bc they want to filter out ppl who arent passionate about math 💀#like it's probably a joke but on some levelllllllll :[ they do suckkkkkkk lol#but like what if im not Passionate about math i just want to take math courses for my fucking degreeeee XD#but i mean i guess it works bc theres too many ppl in our cs courses LMAO#anyway yeah honestly wouldnt be surprised if i take longer to go thru the review sessions than the 3 hours they were live#even tho im doing 2x speed bc im doing shit like this 💀
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classmate au | sim jake
❝ i’m sorry we only got 26/30 on this worksheet ❞
heeseung | jay | JAKE | sunghoon | sunoo | jungwon | ni-ki
jake…
oh jake.
student athlete and math genius jake
you’re in the same class but he feels so far because he hangs out with his rly pretty friends
u can only look from afar
he’s always a tiny bit late to class
always drawing attention to his pretty boy face 😞
at 7:30, the bell rings and classes start
at 7:31, jake walks into class late
but the teachers always give him a pass bc how could they not when he smiles at them like that and apologizes like that
even ur teachers are down bad
he probably becomes your class representative for that one strict teacher’s class bc they always have a soft spot for jake
u want the deadline of the homework extended? ask jake to message them
he sits in the middle seats
not too prim and punctual to be at the front
but still likes school enough not to completely goof around at the back
sometimes your math teacher lets you do quizzes and worksheets by pair
(it’s the only way some of you can get a passing grade)
by statistics and some type of sampling, you end up getting partnered up with jake
“hi, good morning,” he’d greet with his infamous smile
now you get why all the teachers swoon for him
he’s so cute. this is going to be a problem
this is going to be a BIG problem
you were already bad at math, and now there’s a big pretty distraction sitting next to you
though, tbh, you were also relieved when you heard your name with his bc he’s ltrly known as a math genius
he’s one of the students that teachers excuse for their math contests
and wait 😭 did he just say something to u? did he ask about a formula bc u honestly have no clue
“(name)?” he’d shake your shoulder gently and it’s enough to bring you back on earth
“sorry, did you ask something?”
“oh, i’m done … if u wanted to compare answers? or if u trust me enough?”
you trust him enough
he’s ltrly THE carry
jake will speedrun differential calculus like he’s writing the alphabet
uh oh.
why does he look so HOT with his pencil and the way he writes numbers
you’re going insane
you should never be paired with jake ever again
but by some twist of fate, you always end up as jake’s partner in numerous activities
lab work and experiments and communication reports?
“jake and (name),” the teacher would announce
ofc… typical of friends, they HAVE to push you around as you walk to your seat beside jake’s
while you’re of great help with anything else, you’re starting to feel bad about his literal carry in math tho
“are you sure it’s ok? i’m just rly horrible i’m sorry,” you’d apologize
he would just laugh and dismiss your concerns
“nooo, it’s okay. i’m fine! i can tell you didn’t get enough sleep last night”
(you spent the night binging a new show that came out)
your stomach doesn’t feel so good after that one.
who gave him the right to NOTICE things now???
when your teacher returns your paired worksheets, he has the GALL to apologize
a big fat 29/30 will be written on top and he’d say “oh i’m sorry we had one mistake 😕” like BOY SHUT UP !!!!
after your partner shenanigans, you’d start talking more in the classroom
he’d give u a fist bump if u bumped into each other in the hallways while walking with ur respective friend groups
sometimes even shout your name to get your attention only to wave at you
“why are you smiling like that?,” sunghoon would ask accusingly
and you know what? jake has no shame
“(name). she’s pretty cute, no?”
BYE absolutely no shame
so now, when he speedruns an activity, you’ll find him hovering around you until he starts to make conversation
if the teacher leaves early ?? suddenly he’s transported to the seat next to yours and flirting
being friends with jake is chaotic…. bc that would automatically mean being friends with HIS loud ass friends
pretty friends have upgraded to pretty LOUD friends
they’re so annoying too
“jake and (name), can you buy us water?”, heeseung would ask
WHY R U BUYING WATER FOR HEESEUNG
but jake’s already taking your hand and dragging you away bc he will take every opportunity to hang out with you alone
BTW computer science god idk i just got the vibes
during valentines that year, he codes you a little website please end me
mind you, you aren’t even together yet
he just codes for you as a friend 😂😂😂 as if anyone’s believing that
oh and he also avails those anonymous services so you’ll just be receiving flowers from the student council throughout the day
“oooooh, who are those from,” he would be smiling like it’d be so painfully obvious it’s from him
“do you like them?” NOOOOOOO he just wants to know ok!!! tell him you love them please
OK back to normal no more valentines
when class dismisses, you’d find him lounging around the basketball court with heeseung
sweaty….. wet hair…. oh dear
jake is a sight to see when he’s playing basketball
u usually sit at the bleachers anyway bc ur friends enjoyed watching
he is SOOOOO annoying esp now that you’ve grown closer over the months
he’d make stupid plays and draw attention to you 100%
“if i get this shot in, will you go on a date with me?”
cue the screams and the teasing and the fake vomiting as you’re pushed around
OFC he makes the shot
he’s sim jake, math genius AND student athlete
“so, tomorrow after class?”
“huh?? i thought you were joking??”
“what? no! have i not been obvious? i ltrly flirt with you evry chance i get??”
“well… idk! maybe you do that with everyone!”
“only you”
OK WISH I WERE YOU THEN 😒😒😒😒😒
note. credits to user @.luvknow for the layout of this post! let me know what you think! please discuss these with me i’m crazy
#k-labels#enhypen x reader#fluff#jake sim#enhypen jake#jake x y/n#sim jake x reader#sim jake x you#jake x reader#sim jaeyun#sim jaeyun x reader#enhypen jake x reader#jake imagines#enhypen imagines#enhypen reactions#enhypen blurbs#enhypen drabbles#enhypen scenarios#classmate au#enhypen fanfic#enhypen x you#enhypen headcanons#enhypen headcanon#sim jake imagines#sim jake#jake headcanons#sim jake headcanons#enhypen jake headcanons
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Americanisms that annoy the crap out of me in writing
By Writerthreads
Welcome back to another post! Today is a little rant/PSA for all of you who use American English and terminology.
When I read books that are meant to portray British characters, I get so annoyed when I read jarring Americanisms. Here’s a list of them that are especially annoying (I’m sorry):
“Pants”
Pants = underwear. Every time I read something on Ao3 along the lines of “Harry spilled a cup of tea on his pants” I immediately think of him drinking said tea in his undies which is absolutely hilarious.
Somebody who can’t afford to go to the GP/hospital??
Hello, we have the NHS which is free at the point delivery!!! #rare uk w
I had to fully stop reading a fic when a British character couldn’t afford medical care and that was a whole plot-line.
As a medical student, this scenario is fully bizarre for me to comprehend. The only situation in which someone wouldn’t seem medical attention from my pov is if they don’t want to wait for hours at the A&E
Chips/crisps/fries omfg
Chips= the fatter ones you get with fish and chips
Crisps: potato chips
Fries: the thinner ones from Maccies
Cookies vs biscuits
To this day, I still don’t fully get the cookie/biscuit thing but according to my British friends who get annoyed when I mix them up, biscuits are meant to be crunchier (eg. Chocolate digestives & jammie joggers), while cookies are softer, eg. chocolate chip cookies
Biscuits covered in gravy????
What is that. That is not a thing. The UK equivalent would be a scone (sweet, eaten with jam and clotted cream or smth like that and which one goes first is a whole debacle) or a Yorkshire pudding.
Accent/slang
Different people from different areas in the UK speak differently & have different vernacular. When who’s meant to be posh speaks in roadman talk, it’s the funniest thing ever, so please do research carefully!
Takeout
Unfortunately I do say this quite a bit, but people are saying this more in the UK now imo. Takeaway is the preferred term.
Fall
“It’s fall because the leaves fall form the treeeeees” no bro it’s autumn. I grimace every time I read this in a book set in the UK.
I could care less
Ok, then care less? It’s I couldn’t care less, which makes more sense anyways.
Fanny pack
Fannies mean something else in the UK lol. It’s a bum bag, but this term is used more now maybe?
Freshman year? College? Frats? Spring break?
We have a different education system :) uni is three years usually, colleges are halls at uni or sixth form colleges
Little annoyances:
Math: It’s maths. Mathematics.
Vacation: holiday (more interchangeable now tho)
“Line up”: “QUEUE up”
On accident: by accident
Trunk/hood: boot/bonnet (I do a weird mix and say boot/hood, my bad lol)
I drive stick vs I drive manual (learnt this from my ex). Most people in the UK (and Europe) drive manual because it’s supposedly superior
Movie: film (more interchangeable now)
Principal: headmaster/mistress
There’s probably a longer list somewhere…
Thank you for bearing with me. My friends are now subject to me saying ‘trousers’ every time they say ‘pants’, I can’t help it (help I’m getting colonised)
Also look up slang (esp slang from certain parts of London, or roadman slang), they’re hilarious and I can’t help but say some of them now (I blame my friends but honestly calling a meal a scran is so funny)
Anyways goodbye
#writing#writing tips#writers on tumblr#writing advice#creative writing#teen writer#writers block#writeblr#writers#british things#english#i’m sorry for this#but I do get annoyed sometimes and I have to go on reddit to get validated by proper British people getting proper annoyed
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YOU I LIKE YOU @faislittlewhiteraven These questions are a little hard to answer with doodles but I tried my best- Nil generally has a pretty heroic and brave personality overall. She's loud and brash and ready to jump into things super quickly.
She's not the best with words, but she is very reliable overall
More art and writing under cut, it's just a long post man-
In terms of helping about during travels, she likes doing a lot of heavy labor jobs- She's the type to fix broken fences, gather supplies for folks, carry stuff around, tend to crops or lend a help wrangling animals. Nil wouldn't be great at things like sorting and organizing tho- Just tell her what you need and where to put it and she will! I mentioned she's not really the best with words (she is very emotionally intelligent just sometimes struggles to communicate stuff), HOWEVER, With folks that have been frozen she connects with a lot. How it's scary that you've been frozen for so long when your entire belief is to change and evolve, how (if Mal Du Pays is anything to go by) they had to fight their own demons in there, how everything can change so easily without you even noticing- It's terrifying to think about.
Actually- a while ago I made battle sprites with Nil- I wasn't happy with them so I never shared them BUT
Specifically I wanted to contrast her frozen sprite with everyone else's- Cause if she were to SOMEHOW be frozen again, knowing what it feels like, what could happen while she's out- It would TERRIFY her instantly. Not just a mild shock or surprise, it would stick with her for a while-
Speaking of battles tho-
Nil is super brash and lively as a whole. She puts up a brave face for a LOT of things, including fighting. She jumps in without really thinking, and as long as it goes their way, she'd have a smile on her face doing it.
However, while brave, it does come from both a place of coping and naivety. She's not used to genuine fighting, in fight or flight situations she actually tends to flee. (Which is why honestly, if she had to fight the King I don't think she could do it-)
If a battle were to start going south, she'd actually start to panic more then anyone else- Physical wounds and seeing the people she loves hurt would lower her accuracy and general capabilities, despite the brave face she puts on.
And due to her lack of experience, especially in bigger groups- Nil tends to... miscalculate sometimes
She had to learn the hard way not to just jump at any opportunity she sees. The party can see where Bonnie got it from (also after the battle Nille proceeded to heal Sif, profusely apologizing, I forgot to doodle that whoops-) (Also gameplay wise, imagine every second turn she does an action of her own without your command)
Also just the Sif image by itself cause I liked it :]
As for chores and stuff-
She does foraging and stuff! Honestly I don't think the other 5 would have done so before they traveled together.
Mira would have most DEFINITELY learned about it but didn't feel confident in her abilities. Bonnie will grab stuff they think is edible from what they remember Nille telling them and they'd grab a stick to cook. Odile would not be interested and would prefer buying the ingredients rather then wild scavenging. Isa doesn't read to me as a biology student, I see him more of a math history type of guy, so either he doesn't know, or him and Mira did it occasionally together, but only as a last resort type of deal (maybe when it was just the two of them and they had to manage alone) And Sif in my mind is an accident prone goober who'd forget which ones are edible and which ones aren't so I wouldn't trust him personally.
SO! LONG STORY SHORT! I don't think any of them are really experienced with foraging. And as a means to make money management easier- I imagine Nil (nature being a passion of sorts to her) took up the mantle! Probably taught the rest how to do it too!
That's it when it comes to stuff specific to her- Other then that she's kind of ready to help out with anything! She can help set up tends, do odd jobs for money, help cook if for WHATEVER reason Bonnie wanted her to or wanted to do something else in that time, bring water, wood, fish, help with weapons- She's not the best at those things, but if anyone needs a hand to be lent- she is there!
I'll be entirely honest, I don't think I understand your last question- But I do wanna say that Nil and Isa become like. Best buds real quick. He is the first one she instantly trusts, since she rivals with Mira, is prickly with Odile and Sif is someone she wants to help rather then ask for help. So if she needs someone to turn to, or needs a partner in crime- Nil would turn to Isa And now I just imagined Mira and Nil bonding over how to grow plants. Cause Mira tried REALLY REALLY HARD and couldn't do it, so Nille would actually love to give some tips- Imagine Mira genuinely walking up to her with a little alive plant with a proud glint in her eyes and have Nil fully support her- Honestly I could keep going for forever, I have so many thoughts on her and her dynamic with everyone- Bro I even have nicknames, you don't even know-
BUT I'M GONNA CUT IT HERE, HAVE FUN, I'VE BROUGHT SOME FOOD FOR NOW-
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#only cause of mal du pays tho honestly#in stars and time#isat nille#isat sif#isat mira#isat petronille#in stars and time nille#in stars and time petronille#lord give me strenght (its 5am I am not awake-)
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Enemies (With Benefits) PT3
Pairing: Cold!Chris x Reader
Word count: 3.9k +
Summary: Chris and reader have always been enemies ever since they’ve known each other. neither knew why they had this burning feeling in their gut. So one day they decide to fuck it out. Until, eventually doing it regularly
Warnings: language, smut, mentions of weed, (implied) RichKid!Reader, jealous!Chris, pet names (cherry), choking, humiliation, heavy degradation, sub!Chris, dom!Reader, I think that’s all.
(A/N: I got this idea from this request. Tysm for the idea & inspiration. Hope this is good.)
PT1 PT2 PT3 PT4 FINAL
I haven’t talked to Chris ever since that party.
wich wouldn’t be too shocking, since we hate each other. but I’ve been ignoring him fully. I wasn’t even responding to his mocking or arguing with him.. just…
The entire situation of us, two people who hate each other so much, and have for so long, hooking up, is extremely toxic.
And I’m self aware, I know that.
It just never bothered me before... But he was treating me like shit. And I’m done with it.
It’s been a week now, and I don’t think he cares that much honestly. At first he went on like normal making witty remarks trying to start arguments and disagreements, but since I didn’t respond he started to do it less and less.
It feels so refreshing not to have a headache everyday.
Only con is, that we share most classes. So i have to see his face all the time. Tho I just ignore him.
At first I saw him walking a round with charlotte, and honestly I don’t know why she is still talking to him after almost hooking up.
I don’t know what he was trying to achieve with that. But if the point was to make me jealous he is so bad at it.
I’ve been talking to Ethan a lot though.
And like I thought, he’s a nice guy, and he always shares his weed.
Even though I have enough friends, most of them are ‘lunchbox friends’. Well except for Matt and Nick, but I can’t really talk to them often considering I’m trying to avoid their brother.
I feel like most of my friends are fake. Wich they are.
We’ll talk and have fun in school, but if I walk past them at the mall they will act like they’ve never seen me in their entire life.
Ethan though. Ethan is nice. His skater friends not so much. Well I guess they’re just critical. After all I’m not any type of alternative at all, and I frankly, don’t know how to skate.
But at least they respect me. Probably because I’m wealthy but ih well.
Ethan and I haven’t done anything.
Other than kiss.
I walk out of history class, a class I share with Ethan. We walk down the hallway side to side.
When we get to my locker- wich is only two away from Chris’ -I unlock it to put my books in it.
All this time Ethan had been complaining about how his next class would be math and whatnot. I had noticed that Ethan was skipping less and less classes now. I never realized how many classes we shared because he was always skipping. But now he wasn’t. And the lack of tobacco in his system was making him itchy and I could tell.
Once you got to know him he actually got quite talkative.
I look over my shoulder to look at Ethan but see Chris in the corner of my eye.
Chris…
Chris.
Without thinking I grab the collar of Ethan’s sweatshirt roughly crashing my lips onto his.
Ethan, having not expected it, doesn’t do anything for a moment, before he kisses back.
Pushing me against the lockers behind me roughly. His tongue finds its way into my mouth as we start to make out.
In the middle of the hall.
My arms wrap around his neck holding him close.
He was kissing me like i was the only source of oxygen. And it felt good. I could tell he liked kissing me, and he wasn’t bad at it.
“Gonna suck face in the hallways now too?”
I pull away slightly. My breath was coming out in short and harsh pants.
I ignore the voice. Chris’ voice.
…Chris
Instead I stare back into Ethan’s eyes. I try to focus on the way his hands feel on my waist as he holds me against the lockers.
His grip isn’t too tight, but it was firm. His forehead pressed against mine as I stare back into his dark eyes.
“Disgusting.”
I look over at him at the disgusted tone. I scoff. My eyes lock onto Chris’ and it feels like electricity shoots up my spine.
Ethan looks a lot like Chris, but he doesn’t have the blue eyes.
The blue eyes that I-
I pause all the thoughts leaving my brain as I hear Chris let out an irritated huff.
And suddenly the feeling of Ethan’s hands on my clothed skin feels too hot. Even tho he unironically resembles Chris a lot, he isn’t Chris.
And god when did my standard become: Chris.
I tare my eyes away from Chris’ gaze. My eyes locking back onto Ethan’s dark eyes.
While Chris’ seem cold and icy, Ethan’s are warm and welcoming. But I don’t want to be welcome and the warmth seems too hot.
It feels like going out in a hoodie on the hottest summer day.
-suffocating
“Fuck off Chris. You’re not any better”
I say to Chris, while staring back at Ethan. But before I can hear Chris reply the bell rings.
I let out a breath. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Chris slam his locker harshly and leave. And once he does I leave a peck on Ethan’s lips.
I slide out of his grip chuckling.
“Imma go now pretty boy, I’ll see you later” I smile at Ethan.
I quickly take out my stuff for my English class and speed walk past him.
★ ★
I’m late to my class but I can’t help but not care.
I share this class with none of them.
Not Ethan, not Chris, not charlotte.
Wich was a relief. Because I don’t know what that was. Ethan has never done anything to make me feel uncomfortable.
Chris had.
So why am I comparing them.
Why do I feel like the lack of just simple bickering with Chris is giving me withdrawal? Why does his glare burn through my soul? Why does it feel wrong being near Ethan when Chris was there? And why the tell did it feel like Ethan’s touch burned?
Why did I want Ethan to be Chris?
Well no let me rephrase that.
Why did I want Chris to be nice to me.
He’s always been rude and mean. I knew what I was getting into. And I liked it, and it felt great. So why am I missing the attitude.
Am I that much of an attention whore?
My eyes trail around the room. I take in the whiteboard none of the words written on it register in my head. I look over the students, mostly only seeing the back of their heads, since I sat all the way in the back
I’ve never felt so loved, alone and hated at the same time.
I know Ethen likes me, and it feels like I’m using him for escapism. To distract myself. I’m leading him on..
I feel so alone. Literally the only people I would usually tell, are the brothers of the problem.
And I’ve felt hatred so intense from Chris. And I know he hates me, and I know that’ll never change
★ ★
He days seem to pass so fast, yet so slow. And at this point I don’t know what I’m doing.
I stick to Ethan. Sometimes I’ll make out with him other times I’ll just stay close to him. Especially when Chris is around.
And I can see that he is getting more and more pissed off.
I’ve been wearing more revealing clothes. Atleast as revealing as it can get with the dress code and all. Mocking the fact that Chris can’t do anything about it.
I was hanging out at home. Alone since my siblings were once again at a sleepover. It wasn’t like they were always at one. And I feel like they’re too young to party and I trust them.
I trust that they aren’t lying to me.
Anyway, since they’re only one year apart they share some friends. So they both went to a sleepover birthday party from one of them.
I’m sitting on the couch, for once enjoying the pice and quiet. I have a movie playing, but I’m drowning more in my own thoughts than watching the movie.
I pause when I suddenly hear the doorbell ring.
I think that maybe it could be my siblings? No neither can drive yet.
Maybe it’s a package. Did I order something? But no it’s midnight they wouldn’t still be delivering orders at midnight..
I get up anyway trading over to the door.
I mean if it’s a killer and I go out this way…. Oh well.
My eyes meet Chris’ as soon as I open the door.
I go to slam the door in his face, but he catches it roughly throwing it open.
“Cherry, please” he huffs. He walks in his sharp eyes trained on me. Chris closes the front door behind him.
“Chris get out” I sigh. I purse my lips glaring right back at him.
If he stays i don’t know for how much longer I can control myself. I feel like I’m having withdrawal symptoms. I miss the way he hates me.
“Cherry, listen” he snaps slightly. I raise an eye cockily. I shift on my feet and cross my arms. My glare doesn’t let up.
But Chris is looking at me different. He doesn’t glare, he looks at me with… desperation?
“What?” I snap back harshly.
“Cherry, please? Literally give me anything?”
Oh, so he is as desperate as he looks.
“Give you what?” I play dumb. My arms stay crossed. I keep looking back at him, his pathetic state only serving to piss me off more.
He can’t even drive, how the fuck did he get here. Nobody knows were fucking so he probably didn’t ask Matt. But Ubers are expensive at this time.
“You know what I mean. Cherry, I’ll literally get on my knees right now and beg.” He says that slightly jokingly. He doesn’t actually think he’ll have to go that far, but if he needs to he will.
“So, get on your knees than, Chris” I mock back, thinking that he wouldn’t actually do it.
But before I can blink he’s going down on his knees right in front of me.
I raise my eyebrow staring down at him.
He dramatically puts his hands together making a begging motion. “Please, please, please cherry??”
I look down at him. He looks so cute when his eyes don’t look like they want to bore through me.
He actually looks desperate and needy right now.
I know I said I wouldn’t hook up with him, and I’ve been doing good at ignoring him for almost a whole month. But god he looks so cute, so… god
I thread my fingers through his messy long hair. His wavy brown hair. And I suddenly pull him up. He winces at the harsh treatment, but he lowkey deserves it for being an ass.
I hate how he stands just a little bit taller next to me.
I crash my lips on his and it feels like fire works go off. I’ve kissed Ethan so many times these past few weeks but it never felt this good.
My arms wrap around his neck. My fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. Chris’ hands instinctively go to my waist. He holds me flush against him and I feel so comfortable under his touch.
I pull off of the kiss scoffing. My hand wraps around his neck harshly. I pull him down to my eye level while slightly choking him, and he just lets me.
“Hm? Did you not get your dick sucked by someone else?” I mock him, my tone is harsh and condescending.
“Did she not do it as good as I did?”
“Don’t flatter yourself” he grumbles under his breath. He has the audacity to roll his eyes at me.
My grip on his neck tightens and he lets out a sharp breath, one that almost sounds like a moan.
“And yet you still came to my house, got on your knees and begged for me?”
He falls silent at the harsh words. He purses his lip staring back at me with what looks like shame in his eyes.
I move him harshly, changing the place where we stand so I’m close to the door. I harshly squeeze his neck before letting go.
“Go to the living room, I’ll be right there” I nod to the living room behind him. Chris eagerly nods before going to the living room.
I sprint up the stairs and with in a minute I’m back again.
“You’re so fucking pathetic you know that?” I glare at him while towering over his sitting figure.
I go to slowly straddle his lap. His back is pressed against the back of the couch. He looks up at me with ever so pleading eyes. Looking at me like he was desperate, wich he was.
“Such a pathetic bitch. Going to your enemies house and begging to be fucked” I say harshly. My grip goes back to his neck as I choke him slightly. Not enough to actually choke him, but enough to make him lightheaded.
“Sorry, sorry” he closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again.
His eyes meet mine and he looks purely submissive now. It’s funny to me how he is so needy. Maybe I need to ignore him and make him submissive more often, because I like this sight.
I pull him closer by his neck kissing him again. His hands ghost over my sides not daring to actually touch.
I pull away abruptly, listening to his whine.
“Undress.” I says simply standing in front of him.
While I watch him undress I turn off the TV fully. The movie had been paused, but I hadn’t paid attention to it anyway.
He does as I say. He slips off all of his clothing. He’s left fully nude in front of me for me to look at.
He squirms under my harsh gaze. But he is turned on. It’s obvious by his rock hard dick. It’s already red and swollen, leaking pre cum, looking for some release.
I pull out the vibrator from my pj pants pockets. I had gotten it from upstairs. Chris never let me use it on him, unless he was being really submissive.
And since he was, I might as well have fun.
I press it to his tip gently, not turning it on anything yet. I look back at him. I capture his mouth in a kiss. And then turn the vibrator on. He actually flinches at the sudden stimulation.
The kiss is messy, mainly because Chris can’t focus. But The vibrator is literally on the lowest level.
I pull away from the kiss listening to Chris whines and moans. He keeps his hands at his sides. He knows better than to try to get it away. But he looks like he’s itching to just push it away, overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure.
“You look so stupid right now” I chuckle.
I put the vibrator on the secound lowest level. But that alone is high enough for Chris to physically hold himself back from flinching. His moans and whines turn into breathless whimpers.
“Answer.” I scoff. And before I knew it I slap him across the face harshly. The clap echos through the room.
I was letting my pent up enger out, but Chris was enjoying it. As soon as I slap him, his mouth falls open in a silent moan.
Chris didn’t seem like the type. But he had a raging degradation kink.
The sting of the slap traveled right to his dick. His length was twitching in my hand. He was sinking further and further into the couch. He was enjoying this.
“I know-“ he breathes out. But I cut him off by turning the vibrator on higher.
His body practically jolts forward in pleasure. He tries not to come right then and there.
His hand grabs my wrist, the one that was holding the vibrator. “I’m close-“
“I don’t care Chris. If you come now you’ll have to go through the rest overstimulated.” I shrug. Then I abruptly turn the vibrator to its highest setting
He tries to curl his body in on himself but I push him back. And within seconds hes coming all over himself.
I keep the vibrator situated on his tip. I watch how he stays rock hard. His dick starts twitching as his whines get louder and needier.
He weekly pushes my hand off. But after A moment I take it off fully.
While he heaves for breath, I start to undress. I straddle him. When he feels me sink down on his tip his hands go to my waist out of instinct.
I sigh at the feeling. We haven’t fucked in what feels like ages. The stretch hurts. But still I purposefully clench around him to make it even tighter.
His eyes are clenched shut. He’s a moaning mess.
“Chris open your fucking eyes” I slap him again. His eyes flutter open.
“You look so cute all submissive” I taunt. I’m only half way down and I’m struggling. But he doesn’t need to know.
Before he can whine in answer I ram myself down. I wince at the feeling. But Chris’ moans are louder.
I start to gently bounce on him. But he is growing overstimulated quick.
I keep on doing that, my glare focused on Chris. Chris’ eyes shut tightly for a moment. He breaths harshly.
His eye meet mine again. He looks purely submissive. His head tilted down slightly, mouth slightly agape.
“Handsome boy, all needy to get fucked like this hm?” I wait for him to answer but he just whines and moans in response to my movements.
“Can you talk baby?” I ask, huffing. I grab his face, slightly squishing his cheek together with one hand. “Hm? You like getting fucked like this?”
He gasps when I speed up the pace. He blinks a few times, halfheartedly throwing back his head.
Another slap echos through the living room. His head is turned to the side his eyes wide. His mouth is agape as he tries to hold it together. “I told you to fucking talk Chris”
One of his hands goes to his cheek. He grits his teeth trying to formulate words.
But before he can, my hand goes to his neck gently squeezing as I start to ride him harder.
“So good- fuck-“ he breaths out harshly.
His eyes are half lidded. The rough treatment only serves to turn him on even more.
“Yeah, you like that?” I scoff. My hand snakes from his throat to his neck. I pull him in for a sloppy kiss. He can barely focus on anything, every sense in him overwhelmed.
I pull away from the kiss. My hands both move to his shoulders, To use as leverage to ride him harder.
Chris throws back his head, his eyes shutting. He only gets increasingly louder. My movements get harsher and more relentless.
I take one of his hands from my waits and position it at my clit. “Rub it” I demand. And as soon as I do he starts to rub it vigorously.
I clench around him, feeling my release wash over me. Chris’ hand on my hip gets harsher and harsher. I keep moving though, until I feel him twitch.
I quickly pull off an hover over him.
I sit down on his thighs, then start to jerk him off harshly. I put the vibrator back to his tip and turn it on.
Chris’ body harshly jerks forward. I put a hand on his chest and push him back.
And within a few seconds Chris is coming all over himself again.
We both pant as I stare at him. I keep sitting on his thighs as I watch him for a moment.
I lean down and leave a peck on his forehead. I pull him into me. My arms wrap around his neck, putting his face into the crook of my neck.
I pull away from him and slowly get up off of him. I pull on my panties, and pj pants again. As well as my top. Quickly getting dressed again.
I really don’t want to, but he needs to go. As much as I missed him, I made it a point to not hook up with him.
And now that I have, I might as well treat him like he treats me.
“You have to leave.”
He pause looking at me questioningly, It’s like he hadn’t expected me to tell him that. Like he expected us to just hang out and cuddle or something.
Which is not going to happen.
“What?” He questions, his tone sounding blunt, almost harsh.
“Christopher, I want you to leave” I say more sternly. I overpronounce every word to make sure his stupid brain understands it.
“Why” he scoffs frustrated. He stares at me like I’m crazy. Like I’m crazy for telling him to leave when leaving is literally all he ever does.
“Christoper.” I grit out my tone more harsh and serious.
I can’t help the loud scoff that I let out. I walk to the nearest bathroom. I grab a towel halfheartedly dampening it.
I walk back to the living room, where Chris sits mildly stunned. I throw the damp towel on him watching as he awkwardly cleans himself.
“What’s up with you” he sasses me. His gaze is judging.
“I hate you, Chris. I always will.” My words are harsh. And the more I talk the more I can see him narrow his eyes at me in anger, growing more upset by the second.
“Just because we fuck, doesn’t mean I like you. You’re a shitty person.” I take in a deep breath. I feel like I could say worse than that.
“I hate you, and you should leave.” I purse my lips. I watch his expression shift. His jaw clenches, and I can see that he looks like he is about to blow up on me.
The withdrawal symptoms of not fucking me were too much, but now he feels the rage. He remembers why he hated me so much. I can literally feel the hatred and anger radiating off of him.
His already sharp jawline only seems accentuated by the way he clenches it. He swallows his Adam’s apple bobbing.
Chris’ eyes narrow at me, but he just gets up and puts his clothes back on. He looked furious.
I hate him, so why would I let him stay, why would I forgive him. He got the Sex he wanted, so why was he so pissy about leaving?
Now fully dressed he walks closer to me, not touching me.
“What’s wrong with you?” He scoffs. His mood was now definitely sour.
“That’s how you always treat me Chris. Now leave” I snap back at him, getting just as angry as him.
“Okay cherry, have it that way” he gives me a halfhearted sarcastic nod. He then brushes past me to the door, opening it, before a loud slam echoes through the house.
I had sworn to not hook up with him anymore. And if I did that I’d treat him like he treats me. But why do I feel so shitty now?
Can’t a girl have sex and then he all giddy and want to cuddle?
Yes but Chris’ presence irks me. It’s disgusting. He is disgusting.
Masterlist
A/N: requests are always open. pls give me ideas on how to continue this <3 comment if u wanna be on the taglist
‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️
Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos
#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x y/n#chris sturniolo x you#chris x reader#christopher sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#christopher sturniolo smut#sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#christopher sturniolo x reader smut#Spotify
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Yo , can you do the famous reader one but with characters ¿? Sorry if I was not clear :p
my bad, it's not ur fault I was being dumb. I'm also writing this at 3:00 am, after procrastinating for a week, so sorry for any typos in advance. enjoy!
Finney
Will probably keep his distance from u.
Will admire u from afar, kinda like how he was with Donna, just a bit more extreme since ur famous.
This boy will just stare at you from across the room. No shame whatsoever. Can't hold eye contact for shit tho, and easily flustered.
Since ur famous, I'd imagine you'd be like a child act or actress, so Finney would go to the movie theatre every Friday with Robin or Gwen to see ur movies.
(just remembered how Robin is 6 feet under rn, I'm imagining Finney carrying a pile of bones in a bucket labeled "Robin" to the movies, LMAO, anyways...)
Since he's short on cash (I headcanon he's broke af, I mean he's 13) he'll hideout in the bathroom once ur movies over, then wait for the next audience to come and watch it, then sneak into that booth so he can watch it again. Like, mf u could just go home? But he's committed to u.
When yall got together, the whole school was SHOOK, the people were pondering over yall for days.
You'd have to reassure him a lot. He gets insecure a lot by ur status and what people say.
But Robin will beat the haters up!😁
Robin
will def beat up all ur haters, whether yall are dating or not.
He'll try to act non-chalant and tough around you when he's literally freaking out the moment u walk into the room.
Imagine him just locking eyes with u while he's beating up some kid, just holding eye contact mid punch cause he thinks it makes him look cool.
And ur just like "😐".
Like I said with Finney, he'll go to the movie theatre EVERYDAY to watch ur movies instead of studying.
He just ignores doing it cause homework's for losers.
Like aren't u failing math?
U get scary dog privileges once yall start dating. He's always staring people down when they look at you for too long, he's super protective.
Yall would def be a power couple.
Bruce
He fangirls over u.
Thats it, that's all I have to say.
He ain't a stalker, but is 100% ur biggest fan.
Will flirt with u, get u small gifts, and invite u to his baseball games.
Will definitely serenade u with a guitar in the middle of the hallway, then laugh when u get embarrassed.
He brags to his friends about u all the time.
Nobody's surprised when yall start dating.
The popular boy and the movie star, it was a match made in heaven.
Like with Robin, yall would be a power couple.
Vance
He's literally ur biggest hater, polar opposite of Bruce.
He doesn't really hate u, he's just trying to deny his feelings for u by becoming ur mortal enemy.
He's trying to convince himself he doesn't like you, even tho he thinks about u (and pinball) all day.
Teases u, calls u names, goes out of his way to ruin ur day, he's honestly a menace.
"Vance! Did you see y/n's new movie? It's so cool!" "She looks like a seahorse be fr." "😟"
Vance is just insecure, with his dirty reputation, it's hard for him to believe someone like you would want someone like him.
He's unsure of how to process his emotions correctly, so he just bottles them up. Then imagine yall get into an argument, then all his pent-up feelings come pouring out in an aggressive confession, then yall get together.
The world was SHOOK, again.
Nobody could connect the dots, the goofy "bad boy" dating the movie star? Nobody predicted it.
He keeps his affection under the radar, wouldn't want to ruin his reputation.
He claims ur turning him into a "softie", but he's totally whipped for u.
Scary dog privileges, too.
#the black phone x reader#the black phone#finney blake#robin arellano#vance hopper#bruce yamada#robin arellano x reader#finney blake x reader#bruce yamada x reader#vance hopper x reader
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NSFW Jason Dean head cannons
I spent too long on this. SMUT a head fellas
Oh lord this man
He’s horny 24/7. It would be concerning if he wasn’t so hot.
King of public sex right here, when he wants it he wants it and doesn’t care if you skip the entirety of your math class that day, he’ll do it again, don't test him.
1000% obsessed with you, you don’t even have to do anything to get him going; if you just exist around him for 2 minutes he has a raging boner.
He is a hard dom for sure, no questions about it. He has no chill at all.
His pace is rough and fast most of the time, unless you request otherwise.
He’s a panty snatcher, you’ll wonder where your underwear are going most of the time and why you can’t find a pair after he comes over.
And he LOVES buying you new underwear (that he can steal back) this mf prob has some kind of rewards program for Victoria's secret. (no shame)
Has bondage gear, it’s hidden somewhere under his bed.
That strip crockett scene? Imagine that but almost every night and everywhere in your house he knows y’all won’t get caught.
It’s a miracle that if you have the parts, you aren’t pregnant. So many scares tho.
He loves cumming inside, no condom. If you aren’t comfortable with that he’ll cum on your face.
I honestly think he likes giving oral, he’s so obsessed with you that he loves the feeling that he can give you.
Don’t get me wrong, he loves blowjobs. He loves them so much that you better hope you have a good gag reflex.
He’ll get pouty if he doesn’t get attention, he gets over it pretty quickly tho and materbates very loudly where you can hear him.
He has no shame about sex, like at all. He doesn’t care who hears or sees. (he’ll kill them later)
He loves your ass, no matter how big or small. Fucks you doggystyle to see it jiggle.
He just likes your body in general; your god/goddess in his eyes and he honestly feels that you were made for him.
He may be a perv, but he’s respectful. No means no and he knows and respects that.
Jason Dean is the horniest bastard (and proud perv) but you love each other and that’s all that matters.
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OK OK OK OK OK people talk about sniper, or pyro, or medic being autistic right?
B u t
What if I told you all of them are?
Every single one.
Engineer? He's autistic. Soldier? Autistic. Frickin Spy?? Omgsh he's so autistic
So because my brain won't stop itching about this I'm going to write up a collection of all the evidence I have for why the TF2 mercenaries possess within their beings the big tism. By the time this is over y'all are going to be very sick of the word autism.
But IDC
So without further ado, let's go through each of these silly mercs one at a time:
Scout:
Alright, first up we got Scout. Scout I would consider to be AuDHD for multiple reasons
The ADHD is more obvious but like dude trust me he's autistic too
He's hyperactive, forgetful, gets distracted easily, kind of the basic stereotypical ADHD stuff you would notice immediately. He stims, he fidgets, he struggles in social situations, he's seen as over the top and a bit annoying, he talks a lot
Now a lot of these traits are things that are common for both autistics and adhders. But I wanna point out some things I notice about him that are autism specific
He has a special interest: It's Tom Jones. Honestly he probably has a special interest about baseball too
But I mean c'mon he's literally has a Tom Jones tattoo
You could argue this is just a hyperfixation but I bet it's been going on for a while
He also has "spikey" skills. Really good at stuff like drawing, dancing, sports, but he sucks at things like reading, math, etc
Mostly what makes me see him as autistic it's how he struggles in social situations. Bro doesn't know how to flirt unless he's got a bucket of chicken on hand
Soldier:
Honestly if anyone's autistic coded it's soldier
Special interest is all things American, especially if it relates to the military
Lots of autistic people wear certain items that remind them of something they like, usually disregarding things like how it looks or even whether or not it's comfortable. Soldier's helmet is way too big for him but he's almost always wearing it anyway
In meet the spy he does "hut hut hut" when he's doing down the stairs and it makes me so happy
He has no filter, he takes things really literally, he often sees suggestions as orders (teleporting bread anyone?)
Also when he says he's been doing nothing but teleport bread for 3 days it makes me think he must've been hyperfocused on that
I don't think he knows anything about volume control since he's yelling everything
What kind of neurotypical fights bears in Siberia while naked and covered in honey
He speaks his mind rather than beating around the bush
His helmet could also double as helping him avoid eye contact
Pyro:
Tell me they don't have aversion to like every texture besides their suit you can't
A lot of their animations are super stimmy
Pretty much nonspeaking
Has childish interests
Could also have schizophrenia? (I'm relatively uninformed about it tho so I might not be a good person to judge)
I bet half of their little mmph mmmph noises are audio stims
Special interest is fire
their stim is ARSON
Demo:
I headcanon him as AuDHD too
I mean tbf a lot of how he is is more related to alcoholism but shhh let me have this
But I mean he made friends with Soldier
Special interest in medieval weapons which would explain why he's crazy about swords?
Drinking could be an unhealthy coping mechanism/safe food
Probably also depressed with how he can never live up to his family's expectations
Infodumping about bombs in his introduction video
Honestly most of my "evidence" for him is just fanon but idc I like autistic Demoman
Heavy:
Whether or not him having a PhD in Russian literature is canon, some of his in game lines show him to be very poetic and thoughtful
The fact that he only has a few food items but always seems super happy to be eating them gives me safe food vibes
He sings and hums a lot, probably as a stim
He has the Resting Autism Face™
Special interest in his gun
A lot of his voice lines also just feel really stimmy to me, especially when he's doing the "YATATATATATA" thing
Not sure he has any volume control either
Seems to genuinely enjoy Medic's morbid stories, at least to a point
He really really really really really likes the song of the Volga boatmen in particular
He's the prettiest princess it's canon, you can't be a pretty princess without being autistic /j
He has a tiny bed for Sasha. HE HAS A TINY BED FOR SASHA
Heavy is often criticized as a class because guess gameplay is relatively simple and can become a little stale for a lot of people. Yet Heavy seems to have some of the most excited voice lines in the game. I feel like this emphasizes how much he thrives in routine, since he seemingly never gets bored of just doing his thing
Engie:
He has 11 phds
A lot of his voice lines also sound really stimmy to me. Either he's going YEEHAWW GIDDY UP or he's yelling DAMNIT DAGNABIT DANGIT DAGGIT NABBIT
Probably a lot of echolalia with that too
He humanizes his buildings and cares for them like a mother bird
Just listen to his genuinely heartbroken when his sentry gets taken down!
When playing Engie sometimes I find myself smacking stuff with my wrench even though I KNOW it's already level 3 and maxed and whatnot, or I KNOW I'm out of metal, just because I wanna hear the clang noise. So this point is just me projecting but I love the mental image of Engie giving his things a few extra whacks too
He sawed off his arm for his special interest
His whole monologue in meet the engineer is so autistic sounding to me
His dancing taunt also feels stimmy
He's always hunched over, implying irregular posture
He's a NERD—
Man of many talents including playing the guitar
Never takes those goggles off
How does he turn a stressful TF2 match into a (not so) relaxing tower defense game?
Medic:
I headcanon him as AuDHD too because he seems really scatterbrained and it feels like he's working on several things at once and always
He talks a LOT. definitely an infodumper
Either he's super stern or really giggly, there is no in between
He wears gloves in battle but not while doing surgery??? Does he just like organ textures??? Wacko
Special interest is obviously whatever the heck kinda of mad science he does
Here's a heavy medic headcanon I have: medic likes deep pressure hugs
Another special interest could be his birds
He's very spontaneous which makes me think AuDHD even more
Look how excited he gets when taking about the tumors in expiration date!
He got the organ stealing autism
Is it just me or does he fixate on baboon organs in particular???
Sniper:
I'm pretty sure all of you know why this man is autistic but I'm going to list some reasons here anyway
My main evidence tho are his Halloween voice lines: https://youtu.be/2WDljNAslys?si=JP25VOGGDWwwoCI7
Exhibit a, look how much he enjoys having an owl head
Exhibit b, lots of those voice lines make him sound really freakin' overstimulated
He probably wears the hat and shades for sensory reasons as well as because they look cool
Obviously the most socially reclusive of the mercs
I love his backstory where he learns he never felt like the other kids because he wasn't actually Australian, but what if he also didn't fit in with the other kids because he's autistic?
Also throwing rocks at people as a kid screams autism to me
No neurotypical would ever throw jars of his own piss at you either
I think he just wants to live in the woods somewhere and never come back to society and honestly that's based
I feel like he would be the type to bite his own arm when stressed (just like me fr 😭)
Extremely meticulous in following his own life rules (ie being professional and having standards, driving safely with the turn signal and everything)
Spy:
Ok just hear me out for this one
Smoking because stim reasons
He's literally and figuratively masking
He's very suave and probably really good with social things, but I feel like it looks like he's just practiced really hard, again MASKING
Who knows he might not even actually be French
Who collects photographic evidence for a ur mom joke
I see him as either being hypersensitive or hyper insensitive to pain depending on the day (his screams + "I do believe I'm on fire.")
Mad butterfly knife tricks as a stim? (Notice he couldn't help but fiddle with them even disguised as scout in meet the spy)
He sucks at dealing with relationships and that's one of the reasons he's a bad dad
He actually really cares about his team and you can see it especially in expiration date but he's not very good at expressing it
Do you think he wears the ski mask for sensory reasons too?
Probably has his suits tailored to not give him any sensory issues, which could be another reason he likes them so much
Believe me I could go on but I think this is enough to get my point across
THEY ARE ALL AUTISTIC >:00
#tf2#autistic headcanon#adhd headcanon#audhd headcanon#tf2 all mercs are autistic#we need to talk about this#guys they're so silly#they are definitely autistic you can't say they're not#i will die on this hill#medic tf2#tf2 sniper#tf2 heavy#tf2 scout#tf2 spy#tf2 soldier#tf2 demoman#tf2 engineer#tf2 pyro#tf2 headcanons#long post#congrats you're stuck here in this rabbit hole with me#autism#team fortress 2#all of them are so autistic it's not even funny#actually it's hilarious
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