#honestly funnier in my head

[pillxw-prince]

if you're cold, he's cold. warm him up by putting your cock in his hole 😌

[robotsafari]

rescue operation going real smoothly

bonus under the cut:

aqua will never be ballin—

OH MY GOD SHES BALLIN ‼️‼️‼️

[angarchive]

woke up thinking about apollos one sided beef with patroclus

[aurrsky]

Stan and his special back pillow that Ford insisted on getting after the first time they fucked.

You know, when Ford ducked Stan so hard he threw his back out and had to be in bed rest for a week

Anon, I was laughing the first time I read this (maybe it’s just funny in my head)! I feel like this is something that would likely happen!

I can literally imagine Ford not knowing his strength as he fucked into Stan, he was moaning so prettily, and then suddenly at a rough thrust from Ford, Stan was screaming his lungs out! Ford frantically pulled out of him while apologies ran from his mouth, and he rushed to clean both of them up before recklessly driving them to the hospital – almost hitting the pedestrians – to get his brother checked out immediately.

Ford was still apologizing to him even when he was all healed up!🥲 Stan kept assuring him that he was fine. Still, Ford couldn’t stop looking like a kicked puppy. But after Stan kissed him on the cheek and reminded him once more that he was okay, Ford smiled softly at him, his guilt slowly fading. Two days later he got him the back pillow and insisted on Stan using it every time they have sex. Stan complained of course! Grumbling at Ford that he wasn’t a fragile glass and he could just fucked him like he mean it without it, but no Ford wanted him to use it. So he did, until eventually he didn’t need it anymore.

(They’re so silly.♡)

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Could I possibly request a headcannon for the RDV Bachelors/Bachelorettes finding out the farmer that they’ve been dating for a while is a werewolf that’s been hiding it since they came to the valley?

To be honest, dear anon, I spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out what RDV was. Did you mean SDV (vanilla bachelors/ettes) or RSV (Ridgeside Village, the sdv mod)? So I decided to make vanilla candidates, hope I'm not wrong (if I am, feel free to ask again!). Thank you, and have a lovely day 💕

_________________________________________

SDV bachelors/ettes discover that their s/o!Farmer is a werewolf

SDV bachelors:

Shane:

Shane was in complete shock at what he saw, but his defence mechanism kicked in and outwardly he remained calm.

"Heh, so that's why you smelled like wet dog all the time." Now it was Farmer's turn to be surprised.

Not only is his lover not surprised (as they seem to be) at all, but he's also calling them names!

"???? And you always smelled like beer!" "Touché..."

Well, unravelling the truth went a lot easier than Farmer had anticipated.

The chicken man naturally had a ton of questions and a pattern-breaking experience from realising the existence of werewolves, but he endured it relatively calmly.

"Horror? Have you ever walked into a Joja Mart warehouse with their 'super' products? That's the real horror."

Sam:

Farmer: *Literally transforms into werewolf form in front of their boyfriend Sam*

Sam's mind: "A giant doggo, heck yeah!"

Is there anyone sane in this town who would react to the Farmer with horror?

Don't get me wrong, Sam was actually surprised and jumped up on the spot from Farmer.

But apparently the human desire to pet absolutely everything was stronger than the instinct for self-preservation. Sam was no different.

Especially since his partner wasn't crazy in wolf form. It was still the same kind and lovely Farmer.

Only now as a big doggo!

"So fluffy!" "Sam, I'm a monster." "You're still the same Farmer, only cooler. And fluffier!"

Heh... Well, better that than disgust.

Elliott:

After witnessing Farmer's transformation, Elliott's face was as pale as death. "Merciful Yoba..."

Frightened and not knowing what to do, he took a couple of steps back and pressed himself against the nearest wall.

"Has my end come? Will I really meet death from my beloved Farmer who has taken the form of a beast? Will I be torn into a thousand pieces by their razor-sharp claws?"

"Elliott, I'm actually sane, and I'm not going to tear you apart."

What a relief! His beloved Farmer is still a Farmer!

"And how did you know what I was thinking? Are werewolves really capable of reading the minds of mere humans?" "Nah, you just said it all out loud."

Oh, well... that's was awkward.

Give the writer a week and he'll get used to Farmer, no problem.

Sebastian:

Who would have thought that a man could feel fear and awe at the same time. Sebastian didn't think so, not until Farmer revealed the truth about their origins.

Sebby's whole body screams that he should run and hide. But in his head he thinks it's the coolest thing he's ever seen in his life. If he told Abigail or Sam, they wouldn't believe him.

And as he stood there thinking, Farmer leaned over to Sebby and looked at him with their wolf eyes.

Strangely, Sebastian didn't see any rage. Still the same Farmer he'd known for a long time.

And the fur on their muzzle is so nice. Soft... What's he talking about? Ah, yeah, a werewolf...

Sebastian's verdict: Farmer is cool, not a monster, he won't leave them and he'll keep the secret.

Harvey:

Right, Harvey's come to visit a Farmer, the time is perfect...

*Transforms into a werewolf* There, now Farmer will explain- *Harvey fainted* *Sigh...* Farmer reckoned the doctor would stay conscious longer.

Well, Harvey's awake again, now- *Harvey fainted again* Not again... Harvey, c'mon!

It took a few hours and a lot of sedation (wine) before they could explain everything to their beloved spouse.

Despite the not-so-good start, Harvey took the news quite well. Well, as normal as possible.

And life got back on track. Although there were a couple of awkward moments:

"I'm gonna eat you~" *Harvey startled* "Not literally! I was just flirting with you!"

Alex:

After Farmer's transformation, Alex's "fight or flight" response was immediately triggered.

Our athlete chose to fight. And immediately punched Farmer in their sensitive wolf nose. It hurt....

"Ouch! Why?!" "And who the heck turns into a monster without warning beforehand?!" "....."

You can't argue with Alex's words, Farmer, so this is your mistake.

Basically, Alex asked only a few questions that interested him: whether the Farmer would bite him, whether they would chew the furniture in their werewolf form, whether their would mark the territory...

"For Yoba's sake, Alex, I'm a werewolf, not a dumb puppy!" "Just checking, you know."

Don't worry, these two will be fine.

SDV bachelorettes:

Abigail:

Farmer: *took their beast form in front of Abigail* "Abby, I know you're scared, but listen to me please-" "Would."

......

"....Abby, what the actual fuck?"

As you can see, Abigail has no problem with her lover being a werewolf.

On the contrary, in her eyes, Farmer is the coolest person on the entire planet! A real werewolf! That's brutal!

"Do you know other werewolves? Are you a member of a pack? Oh, oh, you've fought vampires, haven't you?!"

Help.

But Farmer is glad that the amethyst lover didn't turn on them after they uncovered the truth.

So basically, her attitude won't change.

Well, maybe a liiiittle bit.... ("Can I scratch your fluffy ear? Pretty please?" "Abby!").

Penny:

Farmer must give Penny credit: their dear girlfriend was able to stay conscious for a full ten seconds before fainting from horror after what she had seen.

They thought she'd only last five seconds.

Good thing Farmer had prepared earlier and caught the young teacher before she hit the floor.

The conversation was very, very long.

And yet, Penny didn't turn her back on them. Even as a werewolf, it's still the same Farmer. Just a little more fur everywhere, no big deal.

She feels protected with them (she did before Farmer confessed, but even more so now) and, most importantly, just as loved.

But it's a pain to clean the fur off her blouse all the time....

Emily:

Emily began whispering a prayer to keep herself safe from... wait, Farmer!?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was afraid you'd reject me-" Before Farmer could finish speaking, Emily rushed over to them and hugged them as hard as she could.

They told everything and the blue-haired girl had convinced them that she loved them and would not leave them.

They both also discussed some details so that there wouldn't be any surprises later, like not being able to return to human form during the full moon, or fur all over the house.

"Fur?" "Well, yeah, we moult about twice a year."

After saying that, they'll have a bunch of fancy clothes made from their own wool that Emily embroidered for them. She's a handy girl, what can I say.

Maru:

Terrified, Maru threw the first thing she could find at Farmer. The first thing that came to hand was a spanner.

Ouch! That hurts!

"...Farmer?" "Well, who else!? Ouch..."

Actually, after Farmer's whining, Maru completely forgot about the fear and approached them to check if she had hurt them badly.

"There'll definitely be a bump, but it's no big deal. We werewolves can survive more than that."

Werewolves... The young inventor's mind boggles... A real transformation before her eyes, that's... It's phenomenal!

She has so many questions for Farmer! Oh, wait a second... She completely forgot to ask about their feelings. "Are you alright, dear?"

Don't let Farmer worry: she'll keep their secret and not abandon them.

Leah:

"Holy shi-" Leah got into a fighting stance and held the sculpting tools in her hands. A self-defence tool of sorts, but it was sharp, so it would do.

Fortunately, the tools weren't needed.

"Leah, darling, put this back please." "Prove you're a Farmer I know." *Sigh* "I punched your ex when we had a picnic in the woods and then we went somewhere more secluded to..." "Okay, okay, I believe you."

Farmer told her everything: about the werewolves, how long they'd been hiding it, etc.

"Why didn't you tell earlier?" "Well, at the very least, because I was just expecting a reaction like yours." "Hmm, fair enough."

Well, werewolf, so what? The artist doesn't bother with it.

Especially after Farmer had scared her ex, Kel, in their wolf form when Kel came to the Valley again with another attempt to get Leah back. Bye, loser!

Haley:

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" It's a wonder how the glass of the windows didn't crack from such a high-pitched sound, because you can see that Haley is trying.

Really, her goal isn't to break the glass of the windows, but to scare away the huge wolf-like man.

"Haley, it's me..." "Aaaaaaaaaaah!" This goes on like this for about five minutes.

Luckily for Farmer, their eloquence was enough to finally calm their girlfriend down and explain that they're still the same Farmer and won't hurt her.

"Ewww, your fur is now on my new skirt..." Heh, if she's complaining a little, she's not afraid anymore. Progress.

Though it's a little hard for her to get used to, Haley has concluded that it's still the same Farmer she loves.

And to be frank already - she loves their cuddles in werewolf form - will even tolerate fur everywhere.

[forgetful-nerd]

Donnie: *whispering as he sprays whip cream onto a sleeping Raph’s hand* we really shouldn’t be doing this.

Mikey: *whispering while holding a feather in his hand* No guts, no glory.

Donnie: *still whispering* are you afraid of anything?

Mikey: *whispering as he tickles Raph’s snout with the feather* yeah. Dying alone. That’s why you’re here.

[agotia-t]

🚬 🔥 🚬

[ruvviks]

Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.

by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays

[liliacult]

[backpackingspace]

Young odysseus convincing everyone Ithaca is nothing but a poor island with rocks and goats to avoid any raids/conquerors/so he doesn't get murdered for talking to Helen bc "it's not like he's a real choice"

Young odysseus falling in love with Penelope at the same event: wait. Wait shit I fucked up hold on just hear me out

[shibirudon]

[yogorlhilanne]

Please laugh at my joke 😔

[satsumadraws]

so I heard there's a new way to play with the blorbos

[frnkiebby]

me~🎃

[weedle-testaburger]

GENMA ANSWERING THE PHONE BC HE FORGOT HE'S A PANDA FUCKING KILLED ME USYHKDAIGDSFGSD

[stanfordpinesenbyhusband]

*sigh* I miss my f/o tails I miss them a lot

I'll be back

Pro.ship/com.ship/neutral dni