#honestly did not mean for this to be as depressing as it is

[trothplighted]

I was going through some of Rowling’s old interviews and came across one in 2004 where she spoke of Sirius:

“I am so proud of the fact that a character, whom I always liked very much, though he never appeared as much more than a brooding presence in the books, has gained a passionate fan-club.”

This wasn’t the only time she expressed surprise that Sirius became a fan favourite, and it’s honestly baffling to me??? He had an entire book named after and primarily revolving around him, and is canonically the closest thing to a parent that Harry, the protagonist of the series, ever had. Even if we disregard everything else we know about Sirius and his storyline, there’s no way in hell he wasn’t going to be popular. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said that a character like that was specifically designed for fan service (I mean...he's hot, has a flying motorbike, and is literally named after a star, lol). It’s bizarre that Rowling seems to have had no idea, and that she believed he was / intended him to be nothing more than a “brooding presence” in the series – which is at any rate an appalling and deeply unsympathetic way to describe his trauma and depression.

It made me think of how there's such a major disconnect between authorial intent and authorial execution when it comes to his character as well, especially in Order of the Phoenix. Characters like Molly or Hermione call him irresponsible/reckless/immature, claim he confused Harry and James, that he treated Harry like a friend rather than a godson, that he was biased against Snape, etc. Rowling’s interviews confirm that she intended to characterize Sirius in such a way and that Hermione and Molly are meant to be viewed as her mouthpieces. But Sirius’s actual behavior and relationship with Harry does not correspond with any of this and his actions + dialogue are for the most part very reasonable and sympathetic. (There’s also Kreacher’s storyline, which made me dislike Sirius a lot when I was younger, but upon my reread comes across as almost entirely nonsensical, contradictory, and seems specifically designed to paint Sirius in a bad light to the point where he’s compared to VOLDEMORT of all people by Hermione - who, in the process of criticizing Sirius, dehumanizes house elves entirely by claiming that none of them are capable of individual morality or have any ethical agency of their own. It's frustrating because she's 100% right that house elves should be freed but the way she infantalizes them is...pretty shitty and not the way to go about it. But I digress.)

Rowling seems to have done a complete 180 degree turn on how Sirius is presented by the narrative between Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix, and I can’t really understand why.

I get the sense that the creation of Sirius’s character in particular was, at the very least, partly accidental on Rowling’s part. She didn’t expect him to blow up the way he did, and I get the sense that she doesn’t seem to have been thrilled by how much the early HP fandom liked/valorized him. There was an interview where she was asked if she liked him, and she said that she did, only to immediately list down all his alleged flaws and emphasize that “I do not think he was wholly wonderful” (which character in the series is wholly wonderful, lol? Sirius came across as a great deal better than most to me). There have been so many other interviews where she’s done the same thing despite the fact that Sirius's faults or perceived faults had absolutely nothing to do with the questions at hand. It’s such a startling contrast how she talks about pretty much everyone else from his generation, all of whom she seems considerably warmer and more sympathetic towards in varying degrees.

As I haven’t been back in the fandom for very long, this is the first time I’ve come across her interviews - I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into them or not. I wondered if you agree/disagree, as you’ve been in the fandom for much longer and I love all your metas about the series. Thanks :)

You’ve hit upon my personal Rage Point for the entire series, anon.

I want to start by pointing something out about Sirius and Kreacher, which is that in GoF Sirius tells Ron and Harry (and Hermione, though he brings it up to compliment her observational skills) that Crouch Sr.’s mistreatment of Winky is an indicator of his character. (“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”) This is, somehow, the same man who one book later is egregiously dismissive of and abusive toward his family’s house-elf, to the point that this dismissal causes his death (oh, and Albus blames him for dying, too.) Despite Sirius expressing two wildly different viewpoints from book to book, we’re intended to take that as his true self, as the authentic expression of his beliefs and position.

I’ve spoken before more than once about other drastic character shifts that happened as a result of the Three Year Summer, both as a writing break and as a paradigm shift in the notoriety of and ubiquity of the series thanks to the movies being released starting in 2001. I was in elementary and middle school while the books were being published, and OotP was the first book I remember seeing large-scale advertisement for in my school outside of a book fair - there was a big larger-than-life poster teasing the book cover with a release date during the summer to get us all hyped up for it. I’d obviously heard of Harry Potter before that, but that was the moment when the books went from “famous book series” to “cultural phenomenon,” at least in my mind. And I think that we can trace this shift in opinion on Sirius Black back to the Three Year Summer, too.

In my opinion it’s obvious that Joanne really liked Sirius, when she first developed him. I don’t think she’s telling the truth when she says she doesn’t think he’s wholly wonderful - when she first came up with him she absolutely did. He’s got pride of place as a Cool Character in all the ways she loves to lavish attention on someone. He’s set up with a phenomenal entrance in PS chapter one and then he spends all of PoA in the spotlight. He has a dramatic reveal of his true allegiances and his innocence, and he’s Harry’s best and most supportive parental figure throughout GoF who consistently gives good advice and who risks his own life and liberty to make sure his godson is safe. He considers coming back to England and living in a cave and eating rats to be his duty as a godfather, and while Harry feels responsible for his circumstances he’s always really clear that he (1. doesn’t care about the risks to his health and safety (2. will gladly sacrifice comfort and stability if it means being able to protect this boy (3. will not let Harry feel guilty.

These aren’t the actions of a man who confuses Harry with James - throughout GoF he continues to insist that his decisions are his own, made as an adult trying to parent and support a kid who desperately needs a stable presence in his life. Harry’s used to taking the blame for the actions of adults (my heart is still rent asunder by his expectation that Lupin is going to gaslight him about denying him the chance to face the boggart in their first DADA lesson) and he’s also used to feeling like he has to manage the emotional state of a household (see: all the times he plans out what to say or not to say to the Dursleys to get them to do what he wants), and Sirius doesn’t let him sink into either of those pits. He also prevents Harry from bottling up his feelings or concealing his distress, and never lies or twists the truth. He’s being very deliberately written as someone who serves as a positive role model and positive mentor figure for Harry, and then suddenly come OotP he’s moody and immature and subject to a number of very strange smear campaigns from characters the author confirms are intended to reflect her real opinions.

So��� what happened, over the course of the Three Year Summer, to make her change her mind? We can’t ever know for sure, obviously, because Joanne hasn’t ever bothered to lay out how her feelings on each member of her cast changed and evolved, and she’s unlikely to do so at any point in the future because now when people talk to her they mostly talk to her about transphobia. But I have a theory.

See, between 1998 and 2003, the HMS Wolfstar set sail. While most of the seminal meta came out after OotP (see “The Case for R/S” as probably the one I and others my age are most familiar with as an introduction to the ship) and most of the really famous fanfics started trickling out around that time (The Shoebox Project started in 2004), there were fanfics before that point, a growing fan community, and a number of pieces of fanart and fancomics (check out the list of doujinshi in the linked Fanlore article, some of those date back to 2001). Edit: here is an archived humorous/gently snarky list of Wolfstar fanfic tropes created in 2002 - while I can’t personally remember the names of fics from before 2004 or so I want to point to this as evidence that there was an established fan community, even using the “WolfStar” name, prior to the publication of OotP.

Normally, I wouldn’t think that fanfic from prior to 2010 or so had much of anything to do with the author’s opinions on their work, because norms and fan culture around fanfic were much more focused around keeping these stories private and away from the prying eyes of The Powers That Be/TPTB.

I say normally, because Joanne was aware of fanfiction, and aware of fanfiction remarkably early in her career as a public figure.

Younger fans are almost certainly not going to know this, but one of the first real fandom divides in HP had to do with fanfiction, and specifically the question of how to treat fanfiction written by and for adults that featured sex scenes or other mature content. Since the books were children’s books (though there was an adult fandom since the start, especially online - the Harry Potter For Grown-Ups/HP4GU mailing list and its descendant communities still loom large in fan history as some of the early pillars of today’s digital scene) a lot of people didn’t know what to do or how to treat fanfic. This was also compounded by fanfic being a lot more subject to legal action or takedown notices - Anne Rice, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, and Anne McCaffrey all became infamous either for pursuing individual authors and archives until they took down their stories or instituting guidelines about what kinds of transformative works were acceptable, or both in McCaffrey’s case.

Rowling, however, was different. Rowling said that noncommercial fanfic was completely fine, that she wasn’t going to pursue any kind of legal action against fanfic authors, and that as long as adult-oriented fanfic was appropriately warned for and not shown to or targeted to children, she didn’t care if it existed.

This laid the groundwork for the founding of Fanfiction.net, for fanfic communities on LiveJournal, and eventually for Archive of our Own and the Organization for Transformative Works. In an era where legal disclaimers were common on fanfics as a mostly-useless attempt to prevent being shut down by IP holders, Rowling threw the doors open and democratized her stories in a way she - I would argue - ultimately came to regret.

I can’t prove that her sudden slander of Sirius was a result of latent unexamined homophobia and a desire for revenge against the fandom for daring to claim one of her favorite characters as a gay man. I can’t prove that his backstory of being kicked out of his house (for unspoken Family Drama reasons centering around him being filthy and disgraceful) only to be shoved back into it, or Trustworthy Adults suddenly painting him as dangerous to children and inherently irresponsible and reckless, or all of his trauma being ignored and painted over, or every scrap of his heroism being erased, has to do with Joanne deciding that if we’ve made him gay he shouldn’t get to be a character anymore.

I can’t prove it.

But I do believe it. I believe it because when you ask yourself “is this queercoded character being subjected to authorial homophobia”, suddenly everything about Sirius’s arc in OotP makes complete and total sense in the worst way possible. This is also why I think Tonks and Remus were paired off, why Tonks suddenly becomes more gender-conforming, and why Bill Weasley transforms into Normal Settled-Down Hetero William. It feels like her desperate attempts to take her characters and shove them back into a box that she controls. I don’t think she was at that point consciously and virulently homophobic, but I think her clear and evident discomfort with fans interpreting these characters who she wanted to be straight comes through in her writing.

I also believe it because she does the same thing to Albus, after his death. Someone who’s been uncomplicatedly heroic and praised by all parties and even used as her mouthpiece to pass judgment on Sirius suddenly becomes morally suspect and untrustworthy and shady and secretive, with enemies lining up as soon as he’s dead to slander him - and again, just like with Sirius, we’re meant to accept this as the correct version of events. He even confirms all of this to Harry himself in the King’s Cross afterlife. The old Albus can’t come to the phone right now, he’s dead, and only his critics remain. Coincidentally, Albus is of course the only confirmed gay character in the entire story. Funny how that works out, isn’t it?

I’ve been angry at her for 20 years for killing Sirius, and angrier still at her straightwashing efforts. I wouldn’t believe her if she said she wasn’t doing that, at this point.

It’s not as if I expected her to be a perfect ally as a center-left moderate cishet white woman in the late 90s/early 2000s, and I do think that Dumbledore being gay was revolutionary in a way that most modern audiences seriously fail to appreciate, but I wish she wasn’t so damned insistent that no one else could be queer in any way at any point. She’s also really evidently uncomfortable about any displays of affection between confirmed same-sex pairings - she was absolutely neurotic about the amount of physical contact between Mads Mikkelsen and Jude Law during FB3, to the point that she fought with David Yates about it. And her behavior contributed to the intense homophobia I and others experienced in our formative early years in fandom - no-slash mailing lists and archives, the immediate classification of all queer fanfic as inherently more mature or more sexual simply by virtue of having queer people in it, Wizards For Bush, etc. As a result, boycott or no boycott, I hope that Wolfstar is canon in the new series, I hope Mundungus stays the crossdressing icon that they are, I hope Tonks is canonically nonbinary, and I hope Joanne loses sleep over it.

[skyrages]

Hi.

So I took an online NPD test out of curiosity. I don't usually do this, but I caved recently. It was a clinical based assessment, not a Buzzfeed quiz or anything. I scored high on the regular NPD and extremely high on covert NPD. I know that's not a recognized diagnosis, but whatever.

I've been going to therapy for almost a year now for my OCD, so I brought that up to my therapist. She basically told me that because I thought I had NPD I didn't have it, and didn't believe me when I told her that I do not feel empathy. I told her about how I don't attach to people and how I subconsciously surround myself with human disasters so I can 'fix" them, and she told me that was normal. She also told me that people with personality disorders were just bad people. I really think she is great and I was really stunned when she said this. I would love some advice.

Thank you!

There are some valid tests online and some fake ones. In particular, idrlabs are very popular and have the style of a clinical test and claim to have experts but actually avoid using actual researched tests (tbf, they do seem to actually look at research) and mostly make their own knockoff versions and also they spread weird right wing propaganda. You can also just find the actual ones by looking at studies. However, an issue with narcissism is researchers have like 100 different ideas about it that they made up and the meaning of types depend on the author.

I have OCD as well, which actually made me doubt my ASPD when i first started questioning it, bc i kinda dismissed it as a stupid OCD idea lmao.

I don’t believe in bad people, i think people’s worth has nothing to do with how they happen to act. Also i have paid many therapists to help me and none of them had any idea about these disorders, honestly i think they’re overrated, the whole treatment-effectiveness therapy wise in psychology is actually controversial. I did read that adhd meds helped with aspd even though psychologists willingly ignore any treatment research for npd and aspd bc they already think it’s impossible despite never trying, and actually adhd meds helped me. But i only saw that related to aspd and npd is pretty different. Though some people have told me that narcissism is related to dopamine so worth a shot. Even with my depression honestly I had a better time fixing my own life and getting meds than anything they did. Actually, i have also seen a research thing about how people with traits of npd and aspd get less symptoms after basically practicing acting prosocially routinely, like if you commit to acting like it it can reduce symptoms in general. Some people have said therapy helps them so maybe it’s a matter of trying to find someone else or someone open to learning.

The misconception about narcissists not being self aware is debunked by actual research saying that narcissists understand how they are viewed and view themselves as narcissistic (also, not having more abusive behaviours if you have NPD on its own is also backed up by research, although its more complicated with some other disorders). Honestly i kind of hate the psychology trend of I’ll assume I know more about you than you do.

This is kinda directionless but whatever i wanted to ramble about this lol

[beechersnope]

I don’t care how niche it is I need more milf seb/mick 😫😫😫

ask and ye shall receive!!!

warning for mentions of underage masturbation, fucked up relationship dynamics, blink-and-you'll-miss-it michael/seb, objectively bad sex, and angst!

1877 words

***

Mick knows better than to enter Seb’s room unannounced. That’s why he does it.

Usually, it doesn’t amount to much. Most often: a quirked brow over the top of whatever book Seb is reading that day as she lounges in bed, steadfastly ignoring the kids shrieking their heads off outside her window as they chase each other around the garden. Sometimes, she’s asleep, just the knit blanket pulled over her to keep cool during the summer afternoons, pale skin peeking through the fabric like a promise.

Mick always lingers too long in the doorway, whether she knows he’s there or not.

Seb’s been coming to the summer house so long that the spare bedroom has become firmly and undeniably hers, but Mick can’t remember when he stopped knocking. Maybe when he was sixteen, and he’d caught a glimpse of her through a gap in the curtains, her back naked and gleaming from the shower. He remembers that summer vividly, despite the fact that he’d spent most of it under the covers in his bedroom wanking himself raw to the memory of that brief flash of skin.

Seb isn’t his. He can’t have her. But he wants.

It’s a shock to his system when he opens the door this time to find Seb naked and sprawled out in a mess of tangled sheets. Mick’s mouth goes dry. He stops short in the doorway, like he always does, but Seb makes no move to cover herself with the blanket lying in a crumpled ball near her hip.

“You’d better close the door,” is all she says in a calm, level voice.

Mick takes another step inside. He closes the door. Then he stares.

Seb lifts her eyebrows but doesn’t tell him to leave. She doesn’t get up either, still lying there in the same position Mick had found her in.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Mick finally manages to tell her.

“Don’t think I’m up for it tonight,” Seb replies.

Mick finally takes in the whole scene as he stands there; the way Seb is holding her right arm at an awkward angle to her body, the slight tightness in her expression, the tube of some sort of medicated ointment sitting with the cap off at her feet.

“Did you hurt yourself?” he asks her. It almost feels like a normal conversation now, or it would if Seb wasn’t naked, what little remains of her modesty only preserved by the angle of her bent knee shadowing her groin. But Mick can still see her breasts, her nipples soft and malleable still in the warm air, and it’s about all he can do to keep his eyes locked on her own.

“My shoulder,” Seb replies with a taut smile. “Not as flexible as I used to be.”

Mick wants to ask what she was doing that requires flexibility, but that isn���t the sort of thing you ask a friend of the family, not even one he’s known for so long that they could practically be family—and that really isn’t the kind of thought he should have about someone he’s fantasized about every time he’s had a hand on his cock over the course of the last eight years of his life.

“Oh,” Mick says instead, still frozen just centimeters from the doorway. It’s all he can muster up in response. He should leave, he thinks, before he embarrasses himself any further. But he can’t seem to make himself turn around.

“Can you…?” Seb says with a vague hand gesture.

It takes Mick a second to realize she means for him to help her retrieve the ointment from the foot of the bed. Already, before he even takes a step forward, he has visions of slick hands against Seb’s skin dancing in his head.

He keeps his head down as he approaches the bed. He has to look at her at some point, he knows this, but it feels forbidden. Something he can’t come back from.

Mick carefully picks up the tube of ointment and squints down at the label. It isn’t any kind of muscle relaxant or pain reliever he’s ever used.

“You’ll need gloves,” Seb says in a soft voice. “You shouldn’t get it on your skin.”

Mick still doesn’t get it. He looks up at her from the foot of the bed, confused.

“It’s estradiol cream,” Seb explains. “For menopause.”

Mick scrunches his eyebrows together. His mother had just undergone menopause. Seb is almost twenty years younger. “You—” he starts to say, before realizing he has no idea how to finish that sentence. “I don’t have any gloves,” he says instead.

“That’s okay,” Seb replies simply. “There are condoms in my bag.”

Mick’s face goes hot, and he turns around immediately, though he knows there isn’t any hiding the blush that must be lighting up the back of his neck like a beacon. He finds her bag where it always is, open and still not unpacked, right next to the dresser that remains stubbornly empty year after year. It takes a bit of digging to find the condoms, and as he pulls them out in one big, long strip, he can’t help but wonder why she even has them at all.

Mick tears one off but doesn’t open it. He approaches the bed again, this time from the side, careful not to look at her as much as he wants.

“What do I…?” Mick has no idea how this works. “Do I just rub it on your back or something?” He assumes that’s what had done her shoulder in.

Seb stifles a laugh as she shakes her head. “It goes inside me,” she says, casual as anything.

The condom in Mick’s hand suddenly feels weightier than it should. “Oh.” He still doesn’t move to unwrap the condom. The tube of cream sits on the bed next to Seb, untouched. “You have to tell me,” Mick pleads in a small voice. “You have to tell me what I should do.”

Mick watches the gears turn in Seb’s head as he stares at her. He wonders if she never realized before that the way he panted after her every summer wasn’t out of childish admiration, but something else. Something hotter and darker.

“You can,” she says at last. “If you’re careful.”

“I want to,” Mick says, almost delirious with it. “I want to be careful.”

Seb smiles and says nothing. She opens her legs.

Mick has to close his eyes for a moment. It’s like a camera flash, the ruddy flush of her parted cunt imprinted on the backs of his eyelids.

When he opens them again, he’s already hard in his jeans, and he has to drop the condom onto the bedspread so he can rip them off, his shirt following shortly after in a flurry, tossed carelessly onto the floor. Something to worry about later.

The condom doesn’t go on easy, and Seb isn’t any help. Mick hasn’t had much practice, admittedly, and he burns with embarrassment from his head to his toes as he struggles to roll the condom over himself in a hurry. He somehow manages to snap the ring at the base against the underside of his cock at the very end, and the stinging pain radiates outwards from the point of contact with a strange heat that emerges from his mouth in the form of a low moan.

“You like a bit of pain?” Seb asks with a smirk.

Mick nods, though he isn’t even sure it’s true. He thinks maybe he’s just so overwhelmed by the imminent moment that he can’t process anything else, that all of him is so focused on the idea of being inside Seb that his brain is incapable of interpreting any other signals. They’re all getting turned away at the gate.

He has to move back up the length of her body once the condom is on, teeth gritted as she applies the cream to the very tip of his cock, careful not to let any spill onto the sheets.

“It’ll melt,” she tells him. “You’ll have to be quick.”

Mick doesn’t need any further encouragement.

He feels like a virgin again when he pushes inside her, nothing but the slickness of the cream guiding the way. She’s hot inside, which shouldn’t be a surprise, but it takes Mick’s breath away, nevertheless. He doesn’t think he’ll last long, and he doesn’t think he can make her come, but Seb doesn’t ask for anything. She lies there, seemingly content as Mick fucks in and out of her, almost frustratingly nonreactive.

"Did you—” Mick stops himself short again, slowing down the pace of his thrusts instead. This time, he knows what he wants to ask, but he doesn’t know if he wants to hear the answer. He thinks it might hurt too much.

“Keep going,” Seb says. The look on her face says, ‘this is enough’, but it doesn’t feel like it for Mick.

This is everything he’s ever wanted, but it isn’t the way he wants it. He can’t have her the way he wants. He knows that. It’s already too late.

They barely touch as Mick fucks her, his hands pressed against the mattress on either side of her pillow. He’s careful not to press down on her. He doesn’t want to hurt her, he tells himself. (A lie.) She’s tight inside, and Mick thinks that without the condom or the cream, it would hurt them both. Like this, it’s just enough friction, just enough pressure that the condom almost doesn’t seem to matter. He can feel every part of her cunt around his cock; he thinks he could memorize her, just from this, that he’d be able to tell it was her even with his eyes closed.

He comes disappointingly soon, with a too-loud cry that he’s afraid to muffle against the inviting skin of her throat. As soon as it’s over, he pulls out and rolls over onto his back, already trying not to cry.

“You weren’t a virgin, were you?” Seb asks.

Mick doesn’t think she means it unkindly, but it still stings. He shakes his head.

“You should let me take the condom off,” she adds as he continues to lay there without moving, his dick finally starting to soften against his belly. “And make sure you wash up, too, before you go to dinner.”

Mick doesn’t say a word as he kneels next to Seb on the bed and waits for her to peel the condom off with an almost agonizing slowness. When she’s finished, she gestures to the adjoining bathroom.

Mick takes a long time, careful to wash any part of himself that had touched her. He scrubs his dick raw with the damp cloth, until it hurts so bad that that he has to bite his fist to keep from crying out loud enough for Seb to hear him beyond the bathroom door.

After he emerges a few minutes later, his soft, red cock cradled protectively in one hand, Seb is asleep on her left side, her back turned to him. Mick redresses quietly at the foot of her bed, watching the gentle ebb and flow of her sleep-breathing.

When Mick opens the door again to leave, he doesn’t linger.

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I am once again begging Ed stans to understand that it's possible to love Ed and believe he deserves love AND also admit that he mistreated and tormented the crew during the Kraken era. Not only is this possible, this is the position the show wants you to have. You think Izzy deserved everything he got? Fine, whatever, forget about him for a minute. There's a whole crew in there you're supposed to empathise with and feel sympathy for, too. The six of them that Ed actively tried to kill or left for dead, for starters. Pay attention to the crew's experiences and reactions. They're shown to be traumatised, grieving, clinging to disassociation (Frenchie) and nihilism (Archie) as coping mechanisms and suffering from PTSD flashbacks. And, since this type of fans constantly go on about how it's racist to think Ed did anything wrong... what about the fact that a lot of the crew are PoC too? What then?

If you've watched the first 3 episodes of S2 and there was only one person on that ship you felt sorry for, then you're not a fan of OFMD, you're just a fan of Ed in isolation. And if the only way you can love Ed is by denying that he ever did anything wrong, then you're completely missing the point of the show. OFMD never said that people only deserve to be loved if they're morally perfect and flawless. The show doesn't subscribe to the dichotomy of Good vs Bad. Good people can do bad things. They can hurt the ones they love. Even if they didn't mean to, even if they themselves were suffering at the time, it doesn't mean they don't need to take responsibility for their actions or avoid the consequences. Stede didn't mean to hurt Mary and his kids when he left, but he still did. He had legitimate reasons for leaving, he didn't just do it for the lolz, but it was still wrong and Mary was right to be angry at him. And Stede needed to face up to this - not just for their sake but his too. Even though it turned out their lives were better off without him, reconciling with Mary was still crucial for his character development.

It was the same for Ed, it just didn't get handled quite as well due to lack of screentime, but the idea was the same. When Ed realises he'd been cruel to Fang and apologises, he isn't sinking into self-hatred and despair. Quite the contrary, this is a moment of growth for him. Because the fact is, just because you as a human being are inherently worthy of love doesn't mean you can go around hurting everyone and expecting them to put up with you. That's just not how it works. You don't need to be perfect, but you do need to listen to people when they tell you that you hurt them and apologise genuinely and try to be better. The show is very sympathetic to Ed but it does NOT excuse his actions. The crew aren't portrayed as villains or antagonists for being scared and angry at Ed for what he did to them. Even Stede was on their side with this one. If even Stede is able to see things from the crew's POV and have sympathy for them, then you should too. Stede doesn't love Ed because he sees Ed as a pure uwu angel. He loves Ed... because he just does. He loves being around him. They really click together. They have so much in common. That doesn't mean he approves of literally everything Ed has ever done. It just means he loves Ed despite that.

[baxterstockmanisthecenterfold]

old follower from when you were Baxterstockmanismyson, why'd you delete your old blog? What made you come back?

I pretty much explained why here

But to some it up basically, I was just sick of the harassment & constant hateful responses my friends & I Myself would receive almost daily because of the most simple opinions.

Hell I actually remember this one time I was making a rant about 2012 Stockman's character mishandling & I brought up the Rise turtles for 2 seconds & even made a stupid joke about how I'm surprised no one accused the 2012 ones of racial profiling & this one user took it so seriously they harassed me & my followers the rest of the day

I also can't help but find this bit from them ironic considering they could have did the exact same thing with my post & followers.

This isn't even a one time thing too. As I just said. The fandom would just take EVERYTHING too seriously & attack anybody that disagreed with them in any shape or form & a lot of my best friends at the time were victims of cyberbullying because of them including me. Yes I could have ignored them, & most days I did tbh, but every once in a while there was always that one miserable person that just wanted to PERSONALIZE their attacks to me just because I said I didn't like Apriltello or something & they made their insults PERSONAL, to the point where I couldn't help but NOT ignore it. I already suffer from Anxiety and Depression & EXTREMELY low self esteem to the point where I second guess my talents. From my art to my appearance to even questioning why I still exist. If I should even STILL exist.. At that point in 2021 when I deactivated Baxterstockmanismyson I had already been going through enough stressful situations in my life, worrying about a ton of real life personal stresses in my life. And the unnecessary bullying from the fandom consisting of grown ass adults mind you was the last thing I needed. I had actually received yet another hateful message in my askbox because of one of my hot takes the day before I deactivated & it honestly fucked me up majorly so it was the last straw. I deactivated & I overall QUIT & Left the fandom entirely ever since, I just didn't see the point in staying anymore when there's little to zero good memories in it.

I would be lying if I didn't say I did miss some aspects. The one thing I missed the most being Baxter himself. Any version of him. Especially considering he's actually the entire reason I even got into TMNT in the first place (but a story for another time). He's beyond my favorite character, he's my comfort one, my boy ever since I was 12. Then Mutant Mayhem was announced along with the fact that Baxter was in it (& played by FUCKING Giancarlo Esposito) my interest was peaked to say the least. Especially after I found out he looked like this

I'd even say it was honestly the only reason why I saw the movie (even if he was only in it for 4 minutes) which I admit even outside of Baxter, I did end up enjoying it. It was also nice to talk about tmnt again to my Girlfriend & a once mutual friend at the time. Just making it our own personal bubble having zero contact with the fans, especially as I saw literally NOTHING changed just by people's reactions to Mutant Mayhem April smfh. So I assumed it was the right choice.

Another year went by. Things are different once again, that mutual friend I mentioned earlier is...no longer our friend.. and it was back to radio silence in terms of anything turtle related. I had started collecting figures at this point in time & with the release of Human 1987 Baxter & Mirage on the way, I figured it wouldn't hurt to FINALLY add Baxter to my shelf like I always wanted to years ago. Even finally start making custom figures for him that don't exist & it was a fun, exhausting but also therapeutic experience in a way. Especially getting the chance to finally look back at the mad scientist all the way from day one. From schulpting, to talking about him & even looking up other perspectives on him. Even if it was mostly misconceptions like always when it comes to him. And it got to the point where I wanted to let out an outlet to just really let out Stockman talk & facts about the guy that no one knew or already did but with a story behind it. Even taking inspiration from AskSpideypool's @ sciderman & their blog being the most dedicated blog to really get & understand Wade Wilson & Peter Parker with pages worth of history to back up the knowledge. It's honestly how I feel with Baxter Stockman if I'm being legit with you. So about maybe 3 months later or so, I decided to create this new blog, a new start. A blog to just really share & show all I know about Baxter & even find other people that feel the same way. Just a little Baxter bubble that I can have & feel safe in. It's also why you noticed I haven't shared NON Baxter stuff on here yet. To put it short. I'm not really back in the TMNT fandom. Sure I'll post about Baxter Stockman. But that's the ONLY thing I'll go as far as posting. I wasn't too far off when I said I only watched MM for Stockman & the fact that the fandom hasn't changed their ways based on MM April's reception.

I want absolutely nothing to do with the fandom's drama or possible drama the second I step into current TMNT events & I share my thoughts on them even if I had thoughts anyway, I honestly don't really care anymore aside from Baxter.

To sum it up: Unless it involves Baxter, I genuinely don't give a shit. So a heads up if I'm ever asked about something non Stock related like my thoughts on this video game or this ship ect I'm gonna ignore it. I just don't have the mental strength for the drama anymore. And it's not like the fandom itself even cares about Baxter let alone care enough to get mad over a hot take about him which I've yet to see (aside from some 30/40 something year old idiots on Instagram & Twitter that genuinely believed he was always a white guy & him being black is new) so I feel safe in my Stockbubble.

Anyway, hope that clears things up. Both why I left & how this new blog works.

[sysig]

Let me chew you out a little, since we have a couple minutes (Patreon)

[Panel 1] Prismo: *mumble* *mumble*

[Panel 2] Prismo: *mumble*

[Panel 3] Simon: Hmph. “Just because it’s in your head-”

[Panel 4] Simon: “-Doesn’t mean it’s yours,” huh?

[Panel 5] Simon: Give me all the responsibility with none of the privileges?

[Panel 6] Simon: And then you get mad at me for trying to pick up your slack? Prismo: Hey...

[Panel 7] Simon: Clearly you already expect that much from me!

[Panel 8] Prismo: Hey, hey! I did the best with what I had! I didn’t expect any of this!

[Panel 9] Simon: And yet you didn’t even consider telling me, so we could’ve avoided this?

[Panel 10] Prismo: It’s not like I could’ve just- taken it out! I was locked out!

[Panel 11] Simon: You could’ve done something!

[Panel 12] Simon: Instead you let my life spiral around this thing, kept me tethered to Ice King’s Madness-

[Panel 13] Prismo: Fionna and Cake are real thou- Simon: NOW you tell me! After I find out for myself!

[sophiethewitch1]

kinda wanna write a fic where the dog is literally the deus ex machina

[meowmedusa]

looking at the clock and going "oh. i didn't. even realize it was past 8pm." and its not funny or cool its just unbelievably concerning

[fingertipsmp3]

My 2025 resolutions:

Don’t die unless it’s unavoidable

No fucking impulse buying! No! Fucking! Impulse buying!!!

Travel more (which means travel at all)

Read more and be on my phone less

[sevenseasaurus]

so do the rest of you guys just simplify your dreams when explaining them to people or do I just remember a significantly weirder degree of depth than the average bear

[ailius-suffers-through-art]

time loop polycule.........

after having literally just finished writing a time loop story, i am. slightly terrified!

The first three words you see will manifest in 2025.

[teethbomb]

hhhhhhnnngh