#honestly a fever dream to see them on the same stage

[thosesillylittlegayghosts]

NIALL HORAN AND SHAWN MENDES??? WHAT IN THE 2016?!

[thespectatingcrow]

Indigo Park rant

Okay, so Game Theory came out with a theory of Indigo Park and honestly I was a little underwhelmed. The visual storytelling is SUPER important to understand the things going on, and there were a couple of things that they didn't point out.

First off, this statue of Lloyd behind his Mane Stage.

This statue clearly went together with the statue of the founder at the entrance, or at least that's how I see it, and this (along with other things I'll point out) shows that Rambley has an issue against Lloyd for other reasons than simple jealousy.

This statue and the idea that Lloyd used to be much more used is supported with the description of Lloyd's plush.

This plush ^ gets a reply of "ew, Lloyd..." from Rambley, something I think is there partially for a laugh- same with the "*sigh*.. hey there, Lloyd." and "great show, Lloyd." comments on the Rambley Railroad ride- but I can't help but think Lloyd was originally the main face of Indigo Park. The charismatic look of Lloydford L. Lion's design strikes me as something that Isaac Indigo would have used to bring people in. As time passed, they tried to make some money with a retro plush version of Lloyd when their popularity died down. Lloyd wasn't as popular with the younger generation anymore, so they made Rambley!!

Rambley and Lloyd were shown to be buddies through a drawn photo on Rambley's Railroad:

But personally I don't think this shows us that they were friends. Rambley came in and suddenly everyone at Indigo Park needed to get used to people asking why there's less Lloyd items, why the Lloyd rides were being changed, etc etc. This image is a way for Isaac Indigo to be like "hey guys!! Rambley is the new face, and Lloyd is totally okay with this so you should be too! it's a new era!!"

I'm sure Rambley had his reasons for disliking Lloyd, and I can't say what those were since we haven't gotten much content between them, but Rambley clearly has feelings about the others so I'm sure he can somehow have complex memories and emotion for the other mascots.

I like the idea that the people at Game Theory had with the people at Indigo Park using animals to try and make the mascots come to life, that's something I'll admit here, but I also dislike that they're making Rambley out to be a super big bad AI and that he's gonna try and manipulate us into helping him become real.

I don't have as much evidence right now for that ^ but I doubt that Rambley is attempting to be evil or malicious. The player, the ONE PERSON who has been to the park in over 2000 days, is the only chance Rambley has to help his friends get back to normal. The player is the single chance he has to restore things, even if it's a fever dream Rambley and the player both have a strong connection to the park so I don't see why people can't accept that the player would just want to help Rambley get the park back up again.

Anyway, that's the *ramble* I wanted to do. I love Lloydford L. Lion so much and I can't wait to see more of the world the people behind the project build :)

[blackraged]

MORTAL KOMBAT 1 Thoughts Pt1.

[❌❌contains SPOILERS❌❌]

I've been waiting for this for such a long time and we finally got it. Now with MK1 being practically a full reboot, A LOT of changes are to follow. So here are my current thoughts in order how the story went:

Chapter 1

Kung Lao and Raiden being practically brothers is my fave thing in the world.

Half of the MK1 boys are full on babygirl and honestly? I love that for them. Except for Shang Tsung because that feels very much illegal.

That last scene with Madam Bo felt like a fcking fever dream.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN KUAI LIANG IS SCORPION? WHAT THE FCK DO YOU MEAN?? WHERE IS HANZO?? That feels very wrong. Only Hanzo is allowed to say "gET OVER HERE" that is HIS iconic line. I'm not sure if I like this change.

I KNEW the boys were pulling their punches. I KNEW IT. The entire fight felt so awkward and staged. For a short moment I legit thought NRS pushed down on their fighting animation.

Chapter 2

Sooo...Johnny is a failed Actor now? What happened to the glamour? That's not very Cage behavior.

Okay but I love love LOVED Liu Kang literally showing up in front at Johnny's Door all serious, and Johnny being Johnny.

What made NRS choose to paint Kenshi as a former Yakuza?? I mean the idea isn't too bad, because it would make sense for him to be searching for Sento to free his family. But I still prefer his revenge timeline more. Hell, even him being a cocky arse warrior trying to fight anyone and everyone made more sense.

Chapter 3

Idk why but I half expected Kano to show up in this chapter. The trailers made it look like he was at the Wu Shi academy

Liu Kang practically pathed the way for human Raiden to be champion and it shows. I'd like to think it's out of respect for former God Raiden from before, who practically raised Liu Kang and was a father figure to him.

General Shao is so fine, I can't. He was hot before, but now he's so....so..... y'know?

Liu Kang really wanted to give Kitana the loving Fam she deserved qwq

Everyone is so mean to Li Mei :(( I feel so bad for her

Reiko tho😳😳😳

Raiden has a cruuush~ Raiden has a cruuush~ unexpected but cute. I wonder what Liu Kang thinks about this.

Chapter 4

Johnny and Sonya are forever iconic...but Johnny and Kenshi? I didn't know I needed it until I had it. Their bickering is GOLD. They're so married.

Wealthy merchant Baraka???

Props to Quan Chis new look. He looks like a clown escaped asylum. Very uncanny.

Are they...are they trying to redeem Shang Tsung? No,that would be way too obvious. Plus that intro scene with Krusty Kronika makes it super sus.

Called it.

Chapter 5

KENSHIS BLINDFOLD WAS PART OF JOHNNYS ARMOR. Y'all NRS knew what they were doing. I am eating this up

I adore Reptiles human form. Very baby girl, very cute.

So if Tarkat is transmitted via physical contact, wouldn't that mean that the guys would have it too when they fought the prisoners in this chapter? You even see Johnny react in Chapter 4 to that fact when Baraka told them. Could it be that it's not infectious since they're clones/experiments?

So help me out here... Baraka is strong enough to rip the cages open that seem to be made of the same metal as their cell door, but failed to open that? Plot, I know, but c'mon.

REPTILE IS EVEN MORE BABY OMGGGGG. Pls let me hold him,, poor baby boy,, his sadness is literally tugging at my heart strings.

I love how honorable Baraka is. This is great character improvement. For a beast (visually) to be showing mercy. It's like he accepts who he is now but still holds onto that human (edenian) side of him.

Stopping here for tonight, but will continue tomorrow. So far it's going great but I have a hard time remembering which of some stories in this timeline are kept the same as from the previous timeline.

I'm still pleasantly overwhelmed by the amount if babygirls.

[theschlaepfer]

🍿 The Boy and the Heron, 2023 - ★★★★★

First of all, what a time to be alive. This is my second Miyazaki film watched in theaters in its initial release. It's an awesome experience. The Wind Rises played fairly straightforward, with some surprises but mostly just a very enjoyable, masterfully crafted movie. The Boy and the Heron, while set in the same time period, couldn't be more different in pacing and tone and almost every other aspect. It's a film so unconventional that there's truly no way to know where things will turn next, and each twist and turn in Miyazaki's fabulous dreamscape delights and disgusts in ways only he can.

The first time I saw My Neighbor Totoro I had a high fever, it was late at night and I was in a foreign country. My sister and I watched it to keep my spirits up. Totoro is so dreamlike ("I thought it was a dream!" "But it wasn't a dream!" 🌱), that the next day I remember wondering which parts of that movie were real and which parts were a result of my fever. Miyazaki's worlds are so beautiful and rooted in traditions of our world, but governed by rules of another world entirely. Like a dream, they inherit characters and motifs, but then bend them in ways you'd never expect. In the end you wake up realizing that it didn't make a whole lot of sense, and yet somehow, in a more elemental way, of course it did.

I have a lot of thoughts on the specifics of this movie, but I want to avoid spoilers as much as possible, so here are some bullet points:

• So many parts reference past Miyazaki worlds and themes, which is fun as a fan. • There were so many really laugh-out-loud funny moments, and a few seriously gruesome moments. • There are some creatures in this that I imagine will be merchandised the heck out of and I will buy every bit of it. • The ending I thought was a bit odd in the moment, but has grown on me a lot while thinking about it, and right now I don't feel like it's worth a mark against the film. • We watched the dub and I have to say everyone did a fantastic job. Robert Pattinson especially deserves a lot of praise for his role. I honestly forgot it was him until the credits rolled. Florence Pugh also really knocked it out of the park. And Willem Dafoe's role is very short but the gravitas of his voice lends itself so well to the scene.

Still picking up the pieces of it but I'm coming away from this just so grateful that this man and this studio is still making movies (and apparently are in the early stages of another!). If you are on the fence, definitely see this, and see it in theaters while you still can!

View on Letterboxd →

[redemptioninterlude]

This is the thing about young love - it makes you all too hopeful and blinded to what reality might be. Like, how he might have been a little overconfident in saying that his father was out of the picture, and Rue, maybe, had believed that things might be looking up and up. That she's slowly leaving things and finding herself at his place more than her own, that her HEART HAS MADE ROOM for him, the same way he does within his home. Everyone always done to excess with him, which she kind of loves because Rue's never lived like that, East Highland more of a fever dream of a nest then it was a place to grow up, and she thought that things were fine, even if they didn't live in grand means as others might have...

She's learning in BEING WITH HIM what it means to take care and be taken care of. Thinking that through this, she's really growing up, isn't she? And that everyone looks at her with a sense of pride, because Rue so rarely takes chances like this anymore, and they see the difference. How good it was to see her happy, so much so that she doesn't really anticipate what it might mean should there be an interruption... and frankly, not being sure if she could even handle it at this point, already so used to and so comfortable in the habits that they've set, the way that they do too much of everything in excess. Which is why they're so flippant about the fact that there is a distinct danger about what's happening on campus, with friends grabbed and returned, professors murdered and hurt. It still felt like a problem that belonged to someone else, in another time. Surely not something for their love story... which is why it comes as such a shock when Ling is left frozen in place, Rue left trying to measure what the hell could be wrong.

There's no mistaking that voice. The drawl, the seriousness and the rattle that comes with both age and grace, Rue's head left to turn as her height gave her enough of a VANTAGE POINT to see just who it was there on stage. Wu Yao, who doesn't even meet their gaze, as if he hadn't seen them at all, a grave line set within the line of his mouth, feeling Ling's limbs unstick themselves from around her, which would have hurt her otherwise if she herself wasn't so surprised. And of course there are immediate questions. That Ling tells her that he isn't a problem anymore, that he was gone, and she'd of course assumed dead... and from the look on his face, she imagines he felt that he meant that too, though there's a degree of hurt that sits unsettled within her chest, jaw left to wire up even tighter, her heart pounding hummingbird quick, in part thanks to the feeding she'd done on his son only the hour before this.

And she finds herself so surprised she almost misses it, that raw stated rule made that there was a curfew in effect and that expulsion was on the table, startled as her gaze jittered back to Ling and for what that might mean for them. But she knows it's a rather SELFISH THOUGHT given the circumstance, and the feeling she has that this is a rather unwelcome guest within his life, that there was headcount and sign in sheets, and she suspects, measures made to keep people like her inside these walls which... honestly meant less time for the two of them and that pang hits her in the chest in a way that she doesn't anticipate, feeling quieted and small as her hand reached for his own to squeeze and to hold, trying to ignore the rush of blood to the head that this gives her. "... do you need to get out of here?" her voice is soft spoken, her dark eyes flickering to find Ling's own.

"A... we can talk about the rest of this when there isn't an audience." and when it didn't feel like his dad was fucking raking her over the coals with his stare, feeling a cool chill shoot down her spine. A smaller tug, there, at the wrist of his uniform button down sleeve. He never really talks much about his father but she knows what he has hasn't been filled with any sense of warmth. So best to stage their own FORM OF ESCAPE before things blew up any bigger.

- @sunxsin

everything is good– and that’s something that ling yao hadn’t thought he would have. beneath all the casual indifference, the jokes, and the uplifting attitude, ling always had a kind of inkling that something would always go wrong– that there was a fear he was going to fuck this up again, do something that may make this go away entirely. but with rue, he didn’t have to think about any of that. with rue, it all felt so… effortless, and he could see himself falling into this and never wanting to get out. he didn’t care about the jabbings, how their mutual friends would tease and tease on them, because they were *so much* more open about what they were now, after years of not calling and not showing up. he would never go back to that. 

and it’s true– rue is spending a lot more time at his place. with her own key, she didn’t even need to ask permission to come over. she no longer has to let him know when she shows up, but she does anyways– and ling, he’s made a place for her in his drawers, made room for her things in the bathroom. and slowly, rue is embedding her presence into ALL PARTS OF HIM, and he doesn’t feel so alone anymore. and maybe he’s over-excited about the whole thing, telling rue about things they could do outside the school, outside the town. because… they were going to be around for a long, long time, weren’t they? and now, with nothing holding them back– what could possibly stop them? 

nothing, except… 

assemblies were never his thing. even at the academy, ling always managed to sneak off, doing something he probably shouldn’t have. and there wasn’t much for that when he left with his father. but, really– with the current events that were unfolding at the school, and rue distracting him enough, ling didn’t mind attending. even if they were twenty minutes late, getting lost in each other behind closed doors, fumbling their way through the hallways, the campus grounds. and really, they’re *trying* not to be disruptive, barging into the assembly. he’s kissing rue again, because he can’t really help himself, could he? he hears something that stabs through him, though– and he hadn’t felt that sensation in a really, really long time. 

AND HE SEES HIM– he sees that steel-ice gaze, so indifferent. and he hadn’t changed a bit. all the warmth drained from ling, his eyes even flickering in tone, no longer from excitement. and he really did look like he had seen a ghost, because the last time he saw wu yao, his heart was pulsing in his hand. 

and wu sees them, gaze level as they settle on rue first, then towards his son’s direction. but he didn’t acknowledge him, didn’t say their names or anything or the like. “…as i was saying, the mandatory curfew will be in effect starting tonight. for the safety of everyone on campus, all students must be in their dorms no later than 9 pm. no outside visitors will be allowed. your dorm prefect will have a sign-in sheet to keep headcount. failure to comply can mean expulsion for you, so i’d think twice about following through with your weekend plans.”

[asweetprologue]

Nili’s Benchmark Geraskier Fic Rec List

hey yall! I officially hit 750 followers (a few days ago, I blew past the benchmark without even realizing!), which is... insane. I truly can’t believe that so many people over the last year have enjoyed my presence in this fandom enough to continue to follow my work. you guys are so great and I love you all so much, so I decided to put together a gift for you!

this is a list of my favorite geraskier fics from the fandom, which I have been putting together over the last year or so. a few of these are big in the fandom, but a lot of them are smaller pieces that I feel deserve more attention! I have provided ao3 and tumblr links where I could find them, as well as ratings and summaries. Most of these are canon!verse because I’m not personally a big fan of modern au’s, but there will be a few of those scattered throughout as well. I’ve divided the fics into two sections: oneshots and multichapter. See the list below the cut!

Being in this fandom truly has gotten me through the pandemic in a big way and I have made so many good friends while here. thank you all for validating my weird obsession with these characters and enabling me in these trying times <3

Oneshots

all that was good, all that was fair (all that was me is gone) | M | 7517 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions Of Violence | @xdandelionxbloomx

Somewhere, deep in a forest, a man drags himself from his grave by sheer power of will. He lies gasping on the forest floor and does not know who or what he is. The world is wide and wonderful, though, and there is so much to see.

Or, Jaskier is so stubborn that he literally comes back from the dead.

Another fascinating addition to the mythology of the Witcher. Jaskier’s slow rediscovery of himself is so well done here. One I’ve come back to again and again. 

As Fast As Love Can Go | T | 9628 | @bygodstillam

There are Faeries in the Wood.

That's what everyone said, at least, not that there was any solid proof. Jaskier had tried, more than once, to find some. Just a hint somewhere, of a real story, of real magic. But all anyone seemed to have was stories.

Jaskier was determined to find proof. He wasn't expecting to find a witcher in the process.

Fascinating fic with some really interesting worldbuilding, and a fresh new take on True Love’s Kiss. Also with some great art by @hehearse!

beautiful, he stirs up still things | T | 2575 | @alittlebitmaybe

“You’re not asking me to dance,” says Geralt.

Jaskier turns his palm up on his knee, offering it. “I think you’ll find I am.”

Just them dancing. This is a lovely sort of pre-relationship dynamic. So soft.

Dialogue Prompt | NR | 2932 | @reinvent-and-believe

Dialogue Prompt 48: “You make me want things I can’t have.” Wordless I-love-you 50: buying them a special treat when you go out shopping

Geralt gets Jaskier a gift, which prompts some confessions.

Even a small love | E | 22,272 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con 

“Well,” Jaskier replies distractedly. “Lots of things want to strangle you.”

“You don’t.”

It isn’t a particularly troublesome accusation, or even necessarily an accusation at all.

This is one I read early on in the fandom, and it really stuck with me. The dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt is perfect, and the misunderstandings between them feel so realistic. The non-con is not extreme, but do mind the warnings. 

For the Space of a Heartbeat | T | 2021 | @drowningbydegrees

As it turns out, falling into bed with your very best friend who you are privately very much in love with isn't nearly so nerve wracking as waking up with them the morning after.

Just sweet, morning after discussions. I love to see them talking for once.

Greensleeves | T | 10,414 | @rebrandedbard

When Geralt crosses paths with Jaskier in the spring, the world is dressed in green. Quite literally. Everyone everywhere is wearing green, and it all comes down to a song Jaskier has written that, to his mortification, has become popular throughout the Continent. It's torment, being forced to preform the song over and over again and have his heart broken anew. But who is this Lady Greensleeves the people say Jaskier is so maddeningly, heartbrokenly in love with? At the baron's wedding party, Geralt is determined to find out.

This is one of my personal faves - there’s just something about Jaskier’s feelings being put on blast while Geralt remains totally oblivious that I think is so very them. And the resolution at the end is delightful.

I Don’t Wanna Fall (If It’s Not In Love) | E | 13,902 | @writinglizards

The first time it's out of desperation. Things get rapidly out of hand from there.

OR the building of a relationship through mutual wank sessions.

I love everything Ashley writes, but this one was the first fic I read by her and it still has a warm place in my heart. I also highly recommend It’s Been A While (makes me cry every time) and Tell Me Honestly

Like a Storm, Like a Flood | T | 1065 | @valdomarx

Jaskier is leaving for the winter, and Geralt can't bear the thought of not seeing him for months.

It was soooo hard to pick only one fic by George, but this one is so soft and sweet and yearning I just had to go with it. This is really just about Geralt finally hitting a breaking point and saying enough is enough.

one flesh | E | 10,763 | WARNING: MCD 

“Well, then. I’m a ghost.” Jaskier spread his arms grandly. Geralt held his gaze for a moment, then dropped his head and laughed. Jaskier put his hands on his hips. “Do fill me in on what’s so funny.” It wasn’t funny. It was just so - ridiculous, the things Geralt’s fucked up brain would invent. This had to be the last nail in the sanity coffin, it just had to be.

Or: Jaskier is a ghost, and Geralt is a mess.

Jaskier dies and comes back as a ghost to haunt Geralt into taking care of himself. Geralt does not handle this gracefully. This fic is so sad and heartbreaking, but the ending is so sweet.

to render it transparent | E | 23,901

Geralt wakes up warm, peaceful, and utterly content, which is how he knows that something is severely wrong.

Sigh. This fic. This is a time travel fic - Geralt ends up in the future living with Jaskier on the coast, just after the mountain. It’s slow and beautiful and extremely bittersweet, all about how we choose to love people despite how much it can hurt us.

With All the Continent A Stage | M | 4745 | @greyduckgreygoose

Later, Geralt learned that the play was four hours long. Four hours long. It didn’t feel like it. Most of it passed by in a fever dream of ominous music, dance-fighting and dryads in gossamer leaves, swinging from hoops attached to the ceiling. Yennefer made an appearance, played by Priscilla in a glittering negligee. She sang a song to Geralt about putting him “Under Her Spell”, and they had a sensual dance number which was made a little strange by a sickened Jaskier (played by Jaskier) coughing loudly in the background.

(Jaskier invites Geralt to a musical production inspired by his own life.)

Jaskier basically writes Geralt a love letter in the form of a four hour long play. Geralt is an idiot about it.

Multi-Chapter Fics

A Lover’s Lament | M | 25,364 | @somedrunkpirate

So,” Jaskier begins, as casually as he can, “you are telling me, that in theory, if I were to be in love with someone — anyone — that person could well be in terrible danger?”

Of all terrible and ridiculous things that have threatened Geralt’s safety, Jaskier’d never thought that loving him might be what will get him killed.

I honestly can’t count the number of times I’ve read this fic. The monster is so interesting, and the mythos of it fits seamlessly into the world of the Witcher in my mind. Jaskier being so afraid that his feelings are going to put Geralt at risk, clearly unable to see that Geralt is going through the exact same thing. I think about the scene with them looking at each other almost daily. 

A Pair of Gloves, the Scent of Roses | M | 24,134 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence

In the bustling days before the Midsummer festival, Geralt is sent into the countryside to deal with a monster - with Jaskier once again by his side. But the bard has not forgiven him, and while he's not hiding his contempt for the Witcher, he is recalcitrant about revealing his true motives for joining him. As the hunt turns into a desperate mission to save an innocent man and the monster is not what is seems to be, Geralt learns a few new things about his old friend and decides to finally attempt to mend the rift between them...

This is one of my favorite’s in the fandom - it feels so believable, the world is so rich and the oc’s are convincing and charming. Geralt and Jaskier feel so honest here, stumbling around each other but still drawn together. Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Bearing the will of the flower | NR | 11,449 

The way Jaskier sees it, his hobby of following a witcher around was always pretty likely to get him killed.

The fact that it's happening now because the witcher in question doesn't love him, he thinks as he coughs up crumpled flowers, hardly makes a difference.

My favorite hanahaki fic in the fandom. I’m such a sucker for these, and these two idiots being so incapable of talking about their feelings really makes them prime candidates. 

Food of Love | T | 22,488 | @wallatile-qvibbler

I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

(or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)

This is a Jaskier and Renfri centric fic, which wasn’t something I knew I wanted until I read this. Jaskier is a bard which in this AU comes with magical powers, but it feels so well integrated into the universe that I wish it was just... how the Witcher is. Renfri is so good here, and even though Jaskier and Geralt barely even interact you can feel the tension and love between them. Cannot recommend highly enough.

friends and allies of the witcher | T | 10,312 | @theamazingbard

Yennefer crawls over to her newest cellmate. They’re curled up on their side. Breathing, but only just. She’s not sure what she’s hoping for when she turns them over. Still isn’t when she sees that it is indeed Jaskier.

“Shit."

Yennefer and Jaskier each suffer in more ways than one at the hands of Nilfgaard.

Yennefer and Jaskier get capture by Nilfgaard and tossed into a cell together. Exactly what I want out of season 2 honestly. Their interactions are gold.

I’d Be the Choiceless Hope | E | 45,188 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con | @lesdemonium

As a baby, Jaskier was visited by a fae, who gifted Jaskier's mother with Jaskier's obedience. As Jaskier grew older, the "gift" became more of a curse.

You know I’m not gonna make a rec list without listing Zoe’s Ella Enchanted au. Need I say more?

Silver and Copper | M | 56,139 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence | @kaer-cuan

Geralt is just supposed to pass through the quiet Lettenhove area. He's not anticipating being begged by its people to help save their viscount from a curse that keeps him from daylight. Lord Jaskier, they call him, and he's likely dying.

As Geralt struggles to untangle the ugly web of history that has lead to the increasingly complicated curse, he finds himself spending more and more time with the strange young viscount and wondering just what he might have been before the curse, and who he might be after. But things are not always as they seem, and as the curse tightens its grip on Jaskier, Geralt is forced to face the fear of failing yet another person whose choices were stolen from them.

Or-

Jaskier is kept from becoming a bard. Geralt finds him anyway.

This is a fic that haunts me. It’s very scary in parts, and mind the tags - there are some very heavy themes here. But it’s beautiful and touching, and Jaskier feels very true to himself even though his origin is so different.

we could be married (and then we'd be happy) | E | 50,222 | @a-kind-of-merry-war

Jaskier reached into his pocket, fingers grasping around the little box. He pulled it out with what he hoped was a romantic flourish, flipping it open to reveal the simple gold band inside. “Geralt,” he said, confidently, cooly, like this wasn’t terrifying, “Will you marry me?”

Geralt and Jaskier fake marriage proposals to get free deserts and shit but it goes tits up when Vesemir catches them in the act. Not knowing how to fess up, they go along with it for a while, which is hell because they’re both pining like mad. As I said, I don’t love modern au’s, but it’s merry so of course this one had to end up on my list.

~

And that’s it! 20 fics for you, and hopefully you can all find one or two you haven’t read before. There are a lot of people and fics that I didn’t include in this list only because I was trying to not put a million down (which I could). I highly recommend anything by @wherethewordsare, @julek, @contemplativepancakes, @witcher-and-his-bard, and @inber, as well as those linked to fics above, and I’m sure there are others I forgot to mention. Yall have truly made being in this fandom worthwhile <3

[onewingedluci]

my chemical morb-mance

honestly i’d just like to make a rundown of how CURSED the mcr glasgow show was because i constantly think about it

1. i set my alarm for like half 2 to get up and get ready, i woke up an hour before the bus and i live 45 ish minutes away from the bus depot so had to half get ready and do the rest of my makeup in my mums car

2. the bus heating wasn’t working so i was freezing my tits off by the time i got to glasgow

3. four corners mcdonald’s was shut for renovations

4. when i got to the venue, i met @crvptidcore and honestly from there on out it’s a weird day, we got numbers and red made sure they got 69, i think i was 66

5. the nearest bathroom to the hydro venue is the secc, and i think there was some kind of conference going on so anytime you went to the toilet there was people in suits and shit staring at the big emo crowd

6. the amount of deliveries people got, i was constantly debating getting some buckfast delivered for the banter

7. someone had a binley mega chippy sign

8. we kept referencing morbius ( if you go on the MCRGLASGOW tag on twitter you’ll see the tweets) and ended up making a morbin’ time sign to hold up during the gig

9. we ended up using posca pen to write stuff on our hands and knuckles, and then painted our nails with it, red had ween on one hand and i think i had shit cunt because why not

10. i can’t remember his name but there was a guy from rocksound there who came up and interviewed us and i’m pretty sure i said the music ‘really speaks to me emotionally’ because i had been in the sun for hours and my brain was starting to melt

11. the line for the merch was long at, and red got a whole like pile of merch, i got two shirts even tho i was like broke ahahaha

12. we ended up getting minecraft trading cards and minion stickers which i still have on my power bank

13. i learned about unholyverse in the queue from red and honestly i don’t know if i’m thankful or not because they made me cry at like 2am reading them

14. one of the door guys actually looked terrified as we were starting to pile in the doors

15. someone in the queue was double barrelling elf bars which i would have done but i was like rationing mine

16. i ended up on frank and mikey’s side of the stage and it was just full of crackhead energy, i’m pretty sure i had a full blown conversation with someone about roller derby but everything that happened that day feels like a fever dream

17. during the gig, frank fell on his arse which was great

18. gerard said ‘do you want to hear my emo batman’ and then proceeded to say ‘joker it’s time to drink my piss’ and i think half of the crowd were dying laughing and the other half were like ???

19. someone threw their shirt at gerard and he started screaming fuck yeah you’re the man now

20. the iconic ‘LOOK AT THIS’ rat clip

21. obv motor oil gerard in general was wild, plus he kept mentioning he was 👹 STICKY 👹

22. i think someone near me just started screaming as soon as they saw mikey and honestly same

23. ray just looked majestic, his hair was everywhere and he looked just happy to be there

24. frank wrung his sweat after the show into a cup and i’m pretty sure i saw people arguing over the clip on twitter thinking it was green tea

25. i got COVID from the show lol it was covid central , thankfully i was okay but i did feel rough lol

all in all, it was the best show i’ve ever been to and i want to commentate the day with a morbin time tattoo

[chemistink]

Happy New Year

This year [and last year honestly] have been weird for me. I remember being so hyped about my 2019. I accomplished a huge milestone by attending 19 concerts in the year. I got to see one of my favorite bands that next January. And then 2020 turned into this fever dream that I never thought I would wake up from. We managed though. The spouse bought his dream car, I got him a specialty plate for it... That's all I remember. 2021 had been about the same until one fateful day in the summer when I decided to finally bite the bullet and watch an anime from the early 2000s. I think I made it all the way through Second Stage of Initial D before I decided to rabbit hole on AO3 and Tumblr. But what a wonderful place to be, finding the fandom here and just... finding all of you. I consumed every bit of IniD fics out there, I even got into writing some [current count of drafts is 94 but they're not all exclusively IniD] and I found myself again. I wish this were like discord, where I could @ everyone and let you all know that I'm thinking about you guys.

But truthfully, @steakrogers @loonatic-moon @twilighthomunculus @dentixvoxel @fadefromthelight @bellygunnr @akaashiscupofwater @haikyuuublog @indigolily117 @gaysuke-takahashi @marferino-fd @fangcyclonelunaheat @toffiendfee @koushisawamura09 @aliens-took-my-iwa-chan

Seeing your names come across my notifs on my phone on the regular and getting to go through them when I'm at work makes the day better. I get to laugh, I get to show my coworkers, I even quote little things throughout the day [even though no one else gets it but it makes me laugh]

You guys have made the entire year of 2021 worth it by just being there for these last three months. You brought me back to myself, back to my writing, back to what I enjoy the most. I even gave up all the other social media to come back to the hellscape of Tumblr because why bother trudging through the nonsense of facebook when I could be here, having fun with you. I'm endlessly grateful for you and I hope that the new year finds you with the same wonderful gifts you guys have blessed me with. [But I've seen your art, your writings, your talent. You guys are absolutely phenomenal so I just hope the new year provides you with the strength and energy to continue doing what you do! That way I get to enjoy all of the wonderful content you create.]

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

[storyconjuringtricksterblog]

Kinktober: Almost getting Caught

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Trickster X Female Y/N

Kofi Request

It had been a very long day for the young idol, still suffering from a tad of jet lag from the flight to Brazil. Regardless he performed with elegance, the fans including yourself couldn't get enough. Security even had to block one crazed fan who ran on stage. As things began to call down you followed the fellow v.i.p ticket holders to the back so you could take turns meeting in person. The meetings lasted about thirty minutes, and luckily you were last in line. Sometimes the person last in line got something a little special as rumored on his fan websites.

His producer was busy talking to paparazzi, and personal body guards seemed to be stationed at every corner, maybe the rumor he was getting death threats was true afterall. It might explain why it was so difficult and, expensive to get the vip tickets. You wait impatiently holding your drink in hand. Everyone who left the room was ecstatic, and Ji-Woon always gave them a charming smile to see before they left completely.

Finally it was your turn, the person before you leaves excited that she got all her CDs signed by him, you honestly worried she was going to pass out for a second. A body guard called your name, and you presented your VIP pass. The guard double checks the front, and back handing the pass back to you and, opening the door.

"You get thirty minutes, enjoy!" The guard says shutting the door behind you. That's when a beautiful laugh caught your attention.

"Welcome~ only my biggest fans ever get this close to me, come have a seat I would offer you a drink but, it seems you brought your own?" He says patting the spot next to him as he pulls his golden mask off setting it on the counter. You take a deep breath trying not to be a rabid fan, but it was difficult. The man you followed country, to country attending all his shows. The man you fantasized about in the dark, was right here before you.

"Starstruck? I don't bite at least hard~" he says with a wink snapping you back to reality. You give a smile and sit next to him as he puts his arm over the top of the couch crossing one leg over the other.

"it's a pleasure to finally meet you in person! I've been to all your shows I even became a fan of No Spin because of you!" You say showing him the horde of tickets everywhere from his New York appearances, even to Australia. His eyes widened and a smirk cross his face.

"My, and this is only your first VIP badge? I must say your dedication is astounding, not even I kept my old show tickets this tidy."

"I'm sorry I had so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to ask, but just being in the same room with you is a fever dream." You say in all honesty. He shakes his head putting a hand on your shoulder for a moment.

"Don't worry you should relax, what is your name if you don't mind me asking?"

"Y/N!"

"Y/N?" A beautiful name for such a beautiful young lady. You felt your face heat up, no way he actually ment that part of his job was to play the part of a charmer right?

"Tell you what Y/N, since you're such a dedicated fan it's only fair I show my love, and appreciation for you. Can you stay longer with me?" He asks his eyes going soft. Your heart races, how could you say no to him?

"I'll take that as a yes," he says standing up for a second to open the door to talk to the guard.

"I want to give this fan a little tour~ can you do a little favor for me?" He asks the guard. The two converse for a moment, and he slips him something before returning into the room. "All clear, we just have to be a little sneaky. Yun Jin might cut my head off if we get caught." He says offering his hand for you to stand in which you take without hesitation.

"Where are we going exactly?" You ask under curiosity as he leads you through a few back rooms.

"My private practice booth, it's much more comfortable plus I'd love to spend some.. quality time with my biggest fan." He says unlocking the room to let the both of you inside.

You take a drink of your iced tea looking around the room, recording equipment along with a makeup area, and a big black leather couch with a blanket on it. "Do you take naps here? It seems really cozy."

"Just when I'm here, I don't sleep well on tours so I need to take power maps when I can. Say, that drink smells pretty good mind if I try it?"

"It's a green tea lemonade with blackberry, if you like this you might like the mango to," you say holding it out to him. He looks between you, and the drink taking and setting it on the wooden table. You look at him confused, but the second you looked back at him you felt his warm, welcoming lips press to your own.

You couldn't move, your heart had stopped you must have died right then. Was this really happening? It couldn't be it had to be a dream, one you didn't want to wake up from. You relax against him opening your mouth to grant him full access. Ji Woon chuckles pulling away, only a little saliva connecting the two of you for a moment after.

"I like it, it's a very sweet flavor. It makes me thirsty for more~" he says pulling you along with him. He sits on the couch, and you sit in his lap facing him. A clear hard on dying to escape from his tight pants.

"How about it? I'm pretty pent up from such a long trip, and I can see the desire for me in your eyes the moment you walked in. Want a backstage experience you will never forget?" He says nipping at your lips.

"Please, you can do whatever you want." You moan out as he sucks on your neck, and his fingers trainup, and down your sides. You could barely stop yourself from pouncing him.

"We don't have a lot of time, let's not waste a second." He says sitting up to unbuckle his pants pulling them down along with his boxers about midway down his legs. "This way we can redress quickly just in case." He says sitting back down with his erection at attention. It was a beautiful glistening sight with a delicious girth. This made you glad you wore a skirt today.

You slip your underwear off getting back into his lap to join your mouth with his. Your swollen wet lips below on top of, and massaging his cock as you grinded your hips on him. Maybe it was sultry, but you wanted him. You would be crazy not to do this. So many nights of fantasizing to his pictures, his voice, it was a raging fire that nothing ever fully could tame.

"Naughty girl~ tell me how long you've been wanting me for? We're you soaking wet in line to see me?" He asks quietly letting you take the lead, throwing his head back enjoying you grinding on him.

"I'd, touch myself to photos of you, listening to your music, even dream about you." You say with a cracked voice sitting up a bit desperately trying to position his cock under you just right. Ji Woon watches in amusement. Getting impatient you use your fingers to spread yourself open, and lower yourself enough to feel the head pressing against you. Time was short, you needed to get going. Much to his surprise, you move your hips down taking him all in one go, Ji Woon quickly kisses you to keep you quiet as the head makes its way in spreading your insides. It hurt, you've never taken anything his size but the fire inside you urged you to keep going.

Ji Woon placed his hands on your hips, and kept his tongue in your mouth to keep the moans down. You began to ride him as if your life depended on it. His moans happily indicating he was enjoying it to as he pulled your hips down on him to get deep inside you. No matter how fast you moved, it wasn't enough you needed more. You could finally feel a orgasm approaching, but you didn't want this to end so soon. Your legs tighten around him, your arms wrap around him and you cling to him for life as you ride him through your first orgasm.

Ji Woon bites his lip trying to stay quiet, his hungry eyes watching as you don't stop, not even for a second as you pick the pace back up riding him again. The couch was definitely going to need cleaned after the two of you finished here tonight. The rumors never mentioned getting to spend a lustful evening with the idol, if this was the usual VIP treatment you would spend your life savings to do this again. Ji Woon grabs your hips to steady himself, and begins to thrust upwards quickly making the sound of skin against skin echo in the room.

"I'm getting close I'll cum on you~" he says through heavy panting. That wasn't something you wanted, you wanted all of him inside you. You try to match his pace looking into those yellow eyes.

"No need,

[crystalirises]

The First Correspondence (The Walls of Illusion Part 3)

I finally wrote the third part ;-;

I’m so sorry it took so long, I’m just really not good with long stories. But I will try to add more to this story as well as Safe and Sound. Anyway, hope you guys like this! It has a bit of the third one-shot, but I changed it around so that the original ending is different.

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30512157/chapters/83057647

“Well, it seems you’ve gotten a fever. Not surprising since you oh so insisted on going on a nightly swim while you were out.” Fundy pressed his aching head into the soft pillow, holding back an exasperated groan as his dad paced at the foot of his bed. He did not need to be lectured when his body was threatening to kill him. “Honestly, Fundy, if you would just listen to me一”

“Dad…” His eyes fluttered shut, exhaustion clinging to his aching bones as he tried to calm his breathing. Why was his room so fucking hot? Fundy knows he sleeps in it but he can’t be that devastatingly hot, right? He chuckled at his joke, his laughter caused his dad to stop pacing. His dad probably thought he was bordering on delusional now. He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping that his clammy hands would be enough to cool his burning skin. Fuck Dre. It’s his fault that Fundy was sick and suffering. “Can you murder me with your words later… please… dad?”

“You worry me, Fundy. You’ll kill your old man with all this worry.” He heard the creak of footsteps move closer, the bed dipping as a hand settled at the top of his head, soothing his frazzled hair. Fundy leaned into the touch, sniffing as tried to move towards his dad. There was a soft chuckle from beside him, a low hum from his dad as the hand in his hair disappeared. He whined at the loss before a pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a comforting embrace. He nearly yipped as he sluggishly threw his arms around his dad, pressing his face into his dad’s chest. “I was worried sick last night. If anything happened to my precious son, I一”

“Shhhhhhh…” His hand landed against his dad’s shoulder with a thump, his body too numb to really cause much of an impact. Fundy wished his dad stopped talking. He’d rather not have his dad’s droning voice in his head by the time he’s fallen asleep. Fundy burrowed his face into the crook of his dad’s neck, sleep seeping into his hazy mind. “Dad… song… please?”

---

Wilbur chuckled at his son’s request, honestly content to forget the events of last night as he began to hum the lullaby he’d composed when Fundy was but a kid. Fundy curled closer in his arm, a soft smile on his son’s face as he tried to hum along, stuttering off into silence as Wilbur changed to the next song. Fundy hadn’t heard this one yet. Wilbur glanced out the window, recalling a familiar river and remembering his first and only love. It was a song meant for her, to the woman he’d loved so dearly. Wilbur had never told Fundy about Sally, frightened that it would only lead his son to the same fate that had befallen the mother. Wilbur held Fundy closer, quelling the rising panic in his heart. His son was in his arms, safe even if he was sick. Wilbur shook his head, amused yet worried by his son’s constant need for adventure in a cruel world.

“I promise. I didn’t build the walls to cage you. I have my reasons, son. I will not lose you too." Fundy’s eyes fluttered open, despite the fever-haze in their gaze, he could see the doubt dancing in those golden flecks that reminded him so much of Sally. Wilbur ran a hand through his son’s hair, wincing at the way the strands stuck to his fingers. Fundy needed a bath, but they’d have to wait until the fever died down. Wilbur didn’t want Fundy to get even worse. He held his son closer, the memory of last night still fresh on his mind. He knew he was unreasonable. He knew anyone would call him a bit mad for being so protective. But they didn’t know his history, didn’t know the dangers that lurked. “Until L’Manburg is free, not a single one of us is safe out there.”

It pained him to be so strict, knowing that Fundy missed the man who’d willingly give in to his little son’s demands. Wilbur couldn’t help it. He loved his son, enough to give him some peace and a piece of the world. L’Manberg will be safe, safer than any country that dared to exist in Dream’s realm. It will be a nation for the free and for those sickened by tyranny. A nation for all.

Fundy was too young to remember when the walls were built so he’d always assumed that they’d been there ever since he was a baby. His son thought that Wilbur built the walls, and in a way, he did. It was his idea, in the end. It was his order that was followed. But he wasn’t the hand who built those walls. Wilbur could never tell Fundy the truth, lest Fundy gain any rebellious ideas about them. Wilbur couldn’t. How could he ever tell Fundy the truth of their creation? Wilbur placed his head on his son’s hair, the fox hybrid whining as Wilbur pressed a soft kiss against his head. Fundy was still conscious enough to be embarrassed by Wilbur’s affection. He chuckled, pressing another kiss to Fundy’s forehead. Sometimes he forgot how old Fundy was. His little champion was growing up, but to Wilbur, Fundy would always be his and Sally’s little fox kit.

Wilbur knew he’d have to leave Fundy alone by the time he’d fallen asleep. War was not merciful to a father who only wished to care for his son. He had a plan for the day, half of which he’d have to move for the next day since he’d spent half of the morning taking care of Fundy. Wilbur laughed, a mirthless noise that caused Fundy’s eyes to flicker open. He quickly shushed his poor son, lulling him back to the edge of sleep. As Fundy snuggled closer to him, he pressed the back of his hand against Fundy’s forehead. Shit. This wasn’t going to be a normal fever.

“Don’t fall asleep yet, baby. Don’t sleep yet, Fundy. You should drink a healing potion first一”

“No.” Wilbur sighed through his nose. Too late. Fundy had fallen into what they both called ‘The No Stage’, which was one small step away from ‘The Clingy Stage’. He frowned, pulling the potion from his inventory. Fundy needed to drink it or else he’d never get better. He held the back of Fundy’s head, tilting it up a bit as he pressed the potion to Fundy’s lips. “No! Gross!”

“Fundy… This is for the fever. You don’t want to be sick forever, do you?” Fundy groaned underneath his breath, sticking out his tongue before finally drinking the potion. Wilbur sighed in relief. He couldn’t really bear to see Fundy so sick. “There. That was pretty easy, huh champ?”

“I… don’t like you anymore. Your potions suck, all I ever taste is melon.” Wilbur pouted at the comment. He’ll have his son know, he was a master at potion making. His father and mother had always said he was born with a talent for it despite… Wilbur sighed, pressing a soft kiss to Fundy’s forehead as he slowly lowered Fundy back onto the warm bed. He reached for the thin quilted blanket that Tommy had created when Fundy was just a kit, draping it over Fundy who then promptly kicked it away. Wilbur chuckled, shaking his head at his son’s antics. As much as he wanted to spend the rest of his day caring for his sick son, they had a war to win, he couldn’t stay for long. Wilbur turned to leave, “Don’t leave, dad…! I-I was lying! I didn’t mean it…”

“I know, my little champion, but dad has to make sure L’Manburg doesn’t lose the war.” He placed a hand on his son’s ginger curls, a discontented groan rumbling through his son’s prone form as Fundy tried to bury his face beneath the pillows. If Wilbur didn’t leave before the fever progressed, he’d never be able to. Fundy wouldn’t let him leave, his poor baby... Wilbur didn’t mind the clinginess, but Fundy had to understand that he couldn’t stay. “I’ll be back by lunchtime, alright? Besides, we wouldn’t want to leave Tommy in charge, now, would we?”

“No…” Fundy let out what sounded like a choked laugh, settling underneath the warm covers as Wilbur finally pulled away. A small frown climbed its way to his face. Fundy had barely eaten at breakfast, how could Wilbur just leave his poor son to suffer? A sigh slipped past his lips, he’d have to ask Eret to watch over Fundy. As much as the thought sent a bitter taste down his throat, Wilbur could trust no one else in the army to watch over his son. With one last look at his son, Wilbur turned to leave the room, pausing at the doorway when he realized one other agenda on his list for the day. He threw a short glance towards Fundy, hesitating before realizing that Fundy hadn’t fallen asleep just yet. He should have been asleep already though. “I’ll be sending a letter to your Grandza later this afternoon. Would you want me to relay anything for you? A ‘hello’?”

“Mmm… Tell them I said hi… or something…” Fundy groaned, placing a pillow on the top of his head. Wilbur took that as his cue to leave. Fundy may be insistent on sleeping now, but that won’t last soon the moment Fundy decides he’d rather have someone to cuddle. It was times like that where Wilbur asked the gods why his son had been blessed with fox traits. He loved Fundy, he really did, but the fox instincts were worse when he was sick. Wilbur chuckled to himself, slowing down as he went down the stairs. It was nearing lunch, and he could only hope that Eret, Jack, Tommy, and Tubbo had been training in his absence. He headed towards his small office underneath the stairs, a cozy spot that looked more like a lounging area than an actual office.

He and Tommy had tried to make it look more professional, but by the end, it turned into a space where anyone could lay down and rest. A safe place to pretend that the war wasn’t at their door.

Today, he wasn’t alone. The crow cawed at him impatiently, jumping here and there at the little coffee table that served as Wilbur’s desk. He didn’t bother to sit on the couch, choosing the carpeted floor instead. The crow, in its eagerness to return to its master, had already placed a bottle of ink and a few letter papers on the table. It tapped its beak on the wood, cawing again.

“Impatient! What? Is the old man going to keel over at any moment now?” Wilbur petted the top of the crow’s head, nearly losing a finger in the process. He huffed. On business then, or perhaps this crow wasn’t too particularly fond of him. The crow was new, he could tell. All of Phil’s crows absolutely adored him, well, what was there not to like? He picked up the quill. Still, if Phil sent a more serious crow as his messenger, it meant Wilbur that Phil wasn’t asking for news on the rest of his family’s well-being. His father wanted a report. “Trouble in the Antarctic?”

The crow cawed, its feathers ruffling.

“I am not being nosy, I am simply asking a question.” Wilbur rolled his eyes, though a smile played on his lips. The crow’s rude behavior didn’t upset him one bit. It probably wanted to return home as soon as it could. Wilbur couldn’t blame it for that. He missed home sometimes too, and he could only hope that one day Fundy would be able to see the Antarctic, their home.

Wilbur reflected on any significant occurrence in the past month. Dream and his closest allies - George and Sapnap - had nearly burned down the forest near L’Manburg a few weeks prior. He didn’t need to be a strategic genius to realize that it was Sapnap who had instigated that attack.

He pressed the tip of the quill to the parchment:

‘To His Majesty, the King of the Antarctic Empire…’

---

He awoke to the sound of scratching. Fundy groaned, burying his head deeper under the covers. His fever had gotten better, but his head was still killing him. He wasn’t going to move from the bed, not even if the house decided to spontaneously combust. The scratching grew louder, more insistent, more demanding. He scowled, pressing a pillow to his ear. If it was Tommy and Tubbo pulling a stupid prank on him, well he’d have to get even with them later. So long as his head didn’t decide to kill him right then and there. After a moment, he started to fall asleep again…

Until he heard the screech, the glass shattering against impact. He shrieked, rolling off the bed in fear that they were under attack. It was cowardly, but he remained on the floor, barely moving.

He wondered where his dad was. If he was alone in the house. If another had broken out. If his dad was dead in a room somewhere nearby. He shuddered, pausing once he realized that there was scratching coming from the bottom of his head. After a moment, a familiar face popped up from beneath his bed. He blinked. The fox from last night sniffed at his clothes, sneezing and pawing at its nose after taking just one whiff. Fundy rolled his eyes, it could smell his sickness.

“You little shit.” He took the fox into his hands, pausing once he realized there was a letter tied to its leg. He gently took it off, the fox curling into his chest despite initially showing disgust at the faint sickness that rolled off Fundy’s entire being. Fundy petted the fox, its tail hitting him on the face. He laughed, adjusting the fox so that it wouldn’t keep hitting him. It was clearly very excited, squeaking as it urged Fundy to open the letter. Fundy took his sweet time to do so.

He thought back on the events of the night, his face heating up at the remembrance of his brief night of freedom. Of course, it would be the night he’d meet someone other than his dad, his uncles, his pseudo-parent, and Jack. Someone from outside L’Manburg. He should tell his dad about the encounter. But it was his secret. Eret once said that it wasn’t wrong to have secrets, so long as it wasn’t really harming anyone. He took a deep breath, finally opening the letter.

‘Dearest, acquaintance of mine,

I apologize for where this letter may find you, though I hope it finds you well. The previous night is quite different from the life I’ve grown accustomed to, though whether that bodes well or not depends on fate. You’re an interesting individual, and if the gods allow it, I’d like to know you even more. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship… or a trainwreck waiting to happen. I don’t know which one it will be, but I do want to try. I know not of your residence, so perhaps we may meet again at the lake. If you wish to. Though, perhaps not tonight or the next night as I do have other business to attend to, and I assume that you do as well. So, on another night then.

There is a large rock by the lake. You could leave your letters there if you ever wish to meet up. I go to the lake most nights when I wish to unwind from the troubles of the day. I hope to meet you again near the lake, though that may take weeks. Otherwise, Zigzag - that is the fox’s name, he was previously named Zagreus but a friend of mine changed his name to Zigzag - would be our little messenger. He likes berries. If you could, do give him a treat for being a very good boy.

Until our next correspondence. I will remember the night we met with fondness, or perhaps regret depending on the future outcome of this relationship. Do promise me, though, that you refrain from telling anyone of our encounter. I… I prefer to remain mysterious and enigmatic :).

Sincerely,

Your M.F.C. (Aka Masked Forest Creep, Aka Dre) :)’

He blinked, his laughter escaping him. Zigzag sniffed at his wrist, little eyes stared up at him in interest. Fundy would read it out loud, but it would be just his luck if Wilbur were to pass by and hear him. He’d think Fundy has some… creeper (not the monster, and that would not be very preferable since they were terrible at conversation) after him. He couldn’t believe that Dre remembered the nickname - playful insult - that Fundy had given him during their goodbye.

He climbed back onto the bed, his bones arguing against his mind, but eventually he was able to get back under the covers. Ziggy licked his cheek, curling up beside him. He held onto the fox, glad that he wasn’t alone. Fundy looked over at the broken window, his mind racing to come up with an excuse. His dad would freak if he thought Fundy had been attacked. If he was lucky, maybe he could convince Eret to help him fix it before his dad ever found out. If he was lucky.

Fundy sighed, slowly shaking his head, the letter was still in his hand.

Somehow, reading the letter made him feel somewhat better.

Though his aching head still wanted him dead.

He petted the back of his Ziggy’s ears.

He’d have to get Ziggy a few berries, and write a letter.

He looked at Dream’s letter again.

And tried to ignore the misplaced comma.

---

“Awwww, Dreamy has got a little cwush.” He scowled, sliding the letter back into the envelope before tossing it into an open book. Sapnap had snuck behind him, much to the masked man’s chagrin. He didn’t know how long his friend’s been there, glancing over his shoulder as he read the words Fundy had written. It was very short, nothing all too damning, but Sapnap must have assumed another meaning since he was mocking Dream with kissy noises. He playfully pushed his friend away, standing up from his seat. He blinked in surprise, it seemed like Sapnap wasn’t the only one who had entered his room undetected. George was by his bed, reading one of the draft letters he’d made. “Dude, what’s with the secrecy? Scared I’d steal them from you?”

“You’re not their type.” Dream snatched the letter from George’s hands, his friend sticking his tongue out. Dream found it to be quite childish, which is why he returned the gesture. He picked up the rest of the draft letters, intending on burning them on a pyre that afternoon so that Sapnap wouldn’t get his grubby little hands on them. “We’re… acquaintances. Possible friends, Sap.”

“You don’t give acquaintances letters.” George spoke up, a passive look on his face. Dream could never tell what his friend was thinking, though it was the same for him. Sometimes he wondered how Sapnap dealt with the two of them, his best friends who hid behind their masks. George laid further on the bed, resting a hand against his head, his other hand splayed against his cheek in thought. Sapnap - ever the man who could never stand still - suddenly jumped onto the bed, breaking George out of whatever thought he had. George scowled, shaking his head, but there was an amused smile playing on the edge of his lips. “You were out last night, weren’t you? On patrol. I read a bit of the letter… you met them in the middle of the forest? So… a hermit?”

“Didn’t know you liked the feral, haven’t-taken-a-shower-in-years type, Dream. But I guess you wanted someone like you—” Sapnap shrieked (like a girl, might Dream add) the moment Dream threw a pillow at him. George sighed, ignoring both their antics. “But seriously, who are they?”

“No one of concern.” George raised a brow at that, lips pursed. He wanted to ask, wanted Dream to elaborate, but he kept silent. Dream took a deep breath, “You don’t need to know. It’s…”

“Dude at least tell us if they’re… smoking hot! Great personality? Something, dude! How the hell am I supposed to figure out who they are!” He refrained from throwing another pillow at Sapnap’s face, though it was quite tempting. He sat at the edge of the bed, one foot on the bed and the other on the floor. He rested his arm on his knee, his head leaned against the wooden frame. He couldn’t tell his best friends. Because they’d either do something stupid, or… tell him that he was stupid for picking the one person who fate would never let him be friends with. And that’s all it was! They were friends, no, acquaintances. Just… acquaintances… An acquaintance he’d invited over to the lake. A hand landed on his shoulder, a look of genuine concern dancing in Sapnap’s gaze. “Dream. I’m just joking, man. But… we never keep secrets from each other.”

“Yeah, man. I get it.” He patted Sapnap’s hand, waiting for the blaze hybrid to pull away from him. His friend hesitated but eventually moved his hand away. Dream stood up, wiping his pants despite the lack of dirt on them. George said it was a force of habit, and Sapnap jokingly teased him about it whenever he could. Sapnap kept quiet this time. George followed after him. Sapnap stayed on the bed. He and George gave him a pointed look. Sapnap groaned, rolling off the bed before collapsing on the ground. Dream watched as George pulled Sapnap up by the arm, barely even breaking a sweat despite Sapnap’s heavier stature. “They’re just a potential friend, dude.”

“Whatever, man.” Sapnap shrugged, leaning against George who looked extremely eager to let him faceplant on the carpet. Dream wheezed, placing a hand on both his friends’ backs. They had to train for the coming days. They still had a war to win, after all. He led them to the door. George didn’t complain, exiting the room without even a single glance back. Sapnap paused, furrowing his brows at Dream. “If it doesn’t work out… Tell them that I’m always available—”

“Out! What the hell, Sapnap!” He slammed the door, Sapnap’s laughter bouncing off the walls of his room. He shook his head, relishing in the silent aftermath. Dream still needed to meet them at the training grounds in an hour, but until then, he had a few minutes to himself. He made his way to the pile of drafted letters, feeling a rush of heat climb to his cheeks. It wasn’t his fault! He kept accidentally writing Fundy’s name, and he couldn’t let anyone know of their correspondence. Dre wasn’t… the best cover name. He is a bit surprised that Fundy didn’t connect the dots… or maybe he did. He groaned, running a hand through his hair. He unclasped the mask, letting it drop to his hand before tossing it onto the bed. Dream made his way back to the desk, reaching down to pet Zigzag who had fallen asleep after a few berry treats. His good little messenger fox.

He grabbed the letter again: 

Dear “acquaintance” (we’re friends now, lol don’t call me acquaintance),

Thanks for the letter and I would like to meet you again. The lake is nice, but bring Zigzag, I’ll only meet you if you bring Zigzag with you. I will also, hereby, call him Ziggy because Zigzag is stupid and so was Zagreus :p 

 Sincerely,

Your S.F. (Aka Strange Fox, Aka Fundy)

P.S. Thanks, also, for getting me wet. Now I’m sick! >:(‘

Dream groaned, putting his head in his hands.

WHY DID FUNDY HAVE TO PHRASE IT LIKE THAT?!

[waywardnewcomer]

We’ll Always Be More Than a Cast

A/N: I was watching Lemonade Mouth earlier while I was coughing my lungs out with corona and this was born. It’s cheesy but I honestly don’t care. There’s a lot of ideas in my fever dream head that I’m writing down, but I would also love some requests for marvel fics or supernatural. Both RPF and characters, an update of BIBF will be coming soon. Marvel tags anyone?

Summary: Y/N is struggling, and the cast sing her a song at karaoke to cheer her up.

Warnings: Mentions of death, some sadness and a whole lot of fluff.

Pairings: Reader x Platonic!Marvel Cast

Song: We’ll Always Be More Than a Band by Lemonade Mouth.

Word Count: 1.7k

Masterlist

You had only been in one MCU movie so far, and it was such a minor role you were extremely surprised when they asked you back for Civil War and that they wanted it to be a bigger role. You felt a bit intimidated being around people like Robert Downey Jr and Jeremy Renner who you looked up to immensely. It took you 2 months to get used to your castmates on The Winter Soldier, and during the press tour, you became fast friends with them all.

Being back on set and having everyone talking about how they missed their family really bummed you out. Your parents had died almost 3 years ago, and you had no other family. You were alone in the world and it was hard. You often excused yourself from conversations, went back to your trailer and cried. Being around your parent’s death anniversary things were always hard but it wasn’t something you talked about, you kept it all bottled up.

It wasn’t until Chris mentioned his nephew and Scarlett mentioned her daughter and Sebastian mentioned his parents and how they had spent their Christmas and New Year that you got upset. It made you remember your sad lonely Christmas in your apartment eating frozen pizza for dinner and drinking a lot of wine, singing carols to yourself. New years didn’t go much different. Everyone was in their own homes with their own family and friends. You kept yourself to yourself and didn’t have many friends as you had moved to New York recently.

“Sorry I left something in my trailer, I’ll meet you guys on set.” You gave a small smile and ducked from the conversation and headed to your trailer.

As soon as the door shut behind you, you let the tears flow and flopped on the couch looking at the picture of your parents on the side table. Fuck, you needed to get a hold on yourself if you were going to get through this movie.

“Well that was weird,” Scarlett commented as you left them stood outside of the craft tent, making Chris nod with a concerned look on his face.

“I’ll go speak to her, maybe something happened over Christmas?” Seb suggested quietly.

“No, you two have a fight scene to prepare for, I’ll go, I’ll text you if I need you,” Scarlett smiled at them softly and headed over to your trailer.

When she reached for your door to knock, she heard soft whimpering coming from inside your trailer. It shocked her, you’d always seemed so happy go lucky and none of them had ever seen you cry. Fuck it she thought as she grabbed your door handle and opened it, rushing into your trailer without warning.

“Oh hon,” Scarlett whispered to you as she saw your red, puffy face looking up at her in shock. “I’m here now, try to calm down.”

Scarlett took you in her arms and rubbed her hand up and down your back as you hiccupped through your sobs. You were completely embarrassed she had to see you this way.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a burden for you. Please leave if you’re uncomfortable.” You mumbled to her, looking at her through your eyelashes apologetically.

“Y/N, you would never be a burden to any of us. What’s wrong? Did something happen over Christmas? Was it your family?”

“I don’t have a family,” You mumbled, more tears running down your cheeks as you looked at her shocked face.

“What do you mean? Where did you go for Christmas? New Years?” She asked almost frightened of the answer.

“My parents died almost 3 years ago, and I have no other family. Only children, their parents are dead. I’m alone. I spent it in my apartment,” You smiled sadly at her sad face.

“Y/N you should have said something, you could have come to any of our houses! You’re always welcome,” Scarlett muttered hugging you once more. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You’re all big famous actors and I’m a nobody. I’m new to the whole business, I needed to navigate it myself. I’m always going to be alone in this world I need to get used to it.” You mumbled, tearing your eyes away from hers and looking at the picture of your parents.

“Y/N were still humans, and most importantly we’re still your friends, and now we’re a big family. You’re never going to be alone again I promise.”

“You don’t have to do that for me,” You mumbled softly.

“I know, but I want to. We care about you, obviously I can’t speak for the whole cast, but I can definitely speak for Evans, Stan and Mackie. Everyone else will be the exact same once you get to know them, we’re all a big happy dysfunctional family.” Scarlett smiled at you.

“Thank you, you’ll never know how much it means to me.” You whispered softly.

“Now we need to get you cheered up girly,” Scarlett smiled at you, changing the conversation which you were glad for. “Get changed, we’re having a night on the town.”

“But we have scenes to film, it’s meant to be a late one.” You said confused, knowing your call sheet ended at 2am and it was only 7:30pm.

“I’ll take care of that one. Like you said I’m a big famous actress, I can easily manipulate producers.” She smirked at you and winked making you laugh. “Get ready, I’ll be back for you in an hour.”

Once you’d had a shower, put some makeup on and into a party dress and heels you felt a lot more like yourself. You needed a night out to let loose, spend time with some friends and get to know your cast members and new friends.

“You ready?” You heard Scarlett call from around your trailer door.

You grabbed your bag and went to meet her, seeing Chris, Seb and Anthony stood at the bottom of your trailer steps.

“What are you doing here?” You asked softly smiling.

“We heard you needed cheering up, and Mackie is one of the funniest guys we know.” Chris laughed and pulled you into a hug.

“You guys didn’t have to do this you know.” You smiled as you hugged Seb and Anthony.

“But we wanted to, we all need a night out. The Russo’s can worry about scenes and that shit later,” Mackie laughed and squeezed your shoulder.

“Where are we going?” You asked them as they all smirked at you. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Karaoke time baby!” Seb shouted making you laugh as you were dragged into the car.

“I hope you all know I will not be singing until I get very very drunk.” You laughed softly, taking a sip of your cocktail you had been handed by Scarlett when you got in.

“That’s fine we have a song prepared first.” Chris smirked and smiled at you making you cock an eyebrow.

“You mean you’re having a band performance without me? Leaving me to sit here all alone?” You asked feigning shock.

“Well not all alone.” You heard a voice say behind you making you turn to face Jeremy Renner, RDJ and Paul Rudd.

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked hugging them all, clearly partly tipsy.

“We heard one of our family members needed us. It’s about time we got to know you properly.” Robert smiled at you, making you gush.

“That’s our queue,” You heard Seb say as the music changed and jumped up with Chris, Anthony and Scarlett onto the stage next to your table.

“This one’s for Y/N to prove to her she’ll always have a family with us.” Scarlett smiled at you making you tear up as you realised what song it was.

----------------- Scarlett, One of the boys, All of them, Y/N.----------------------

“I can’t pretend to know you feel, but know that I’m here and know that I’m real

Say what you want or don’t talk at all

I’m not gonna let you fall.” Scarlett and Sebastian sang.

“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.

Everything changes but one thing is true, understand

We’ll always be more than a cast.” Scarlett and Chris sang with the others joining in for the last line of the chorus.

“You used to brave the world all on your own

Now we won’t let you go, go it alone

Be who you wanna be, always stand tall. I’m not gonna let you fall.” Mackie started the verse, the others joined in and Scarlett lead it into the chorus making you tear up.

“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.

Everything changes but one thing is true, understand

We’ll always be more than a cast.” They sang once again, pointing at you and Chris reached his hand out for you to take.

“I never knew you could take me so far. I’ve always wanted the home that you are. The ones I need.” You sang taking Chris’ outstretched hand and stepping onto the stage, the other men behind you following suit as you all sang the last chorus with tears in your eyes.

“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.

Everything changes but one thing is true, understand

We’ll always be more than a cast.” You all sang together.

“Reach for my hand ‘cause it’s held out for you. My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too.

Everything changes but one thing is true, understand

We’ll always be more than a cast.” Scarlett sang softly, taking you into a side hug and swaying with you. She looked into your eyes during the last line and at the tears dripping down your face, wiping them softly.

You hugged all of your cast mates in a group hug as people cheered around you in the club.

“I’m so lucky to have all of you,” You mumbled into the circle, embracing the warmth it gave you. You finally had a family once more.

Marvel Tags????

Forever Tags (people who have asked, let me know if you want adding) @creativedogs​  @a-magey  @natashacamillaus @platonic-plots  @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @sleepylunarwolf @claitynroberts @theshortegg @casiskween @robfangirl @fanficwithasideofcanon @jaremish @mlovesstories @lauren-novak @hi-my-name-is-riley @spn-tw-37 @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @spnrelatedurl @phonegalhelp @springholland @the-hufflepuff-hunter @chonisberonica @coralphantomninja @therealmrshale

[gingwrites]

And they were soulmates - taegi soulmate au

Soulmate au where once you meet your soulmate, you get sick if you’re too far away from your soulmate for too long. Soulmates Yoongi and Taehyung meet, but don’t realize it, and Yoongi, who is part of the group Bangtan, leave for a worldwide tour. The two start to feel sick, but don’t realize the cause. It’s then up to their friends to find out that they’re soulmates!

A/N: this was supposed to be a short one shot, but here we are 10k later. not sorry. I will also be posting this on ao3, so if you’d rather read it there, my ao3 is linked on my masterlist.

Yoongi sometimes wondered if fate hated him. He was 27 and still hadn’t found his soulmate. The one person who fate had created just for him. But then again, neither had the other two members of Bangtan, so he wasn’t exactly alone.

He didn’t know if being world famous was a curse or not. On one hand, he traveled the world and got to meet all kinds of people. People who could potentially be his soulmate. On the other hand, since Bangtan was so famous, he had trouble meeting new people that weren’t work-related or weren’t just after him for his fame and money.

When a person met their soulmate, it was said that they would feel unconditional love for the other person. And if that wasn’t enough proof for people, then if you were separated from your soulmate for a long period of time, both soulmates would get physically ill. Of course, the distance and time had to be great. Soulmates wouldn’t get sick by going to the store, or even a business trip.

Soulmate sickness, as it was so eloquently dubbed by scientists, wasn’t the same for everyone, but there was an estimate on distance and time for most people. For the most part, if soulmates didn’t see each other for around a month and were not within a couple hundred miles, soulmate sickness would set in. Soulmates would start to grow physically weak, their appetite would slowly vanish, they would be tired all the time. On top of that, they would usually have fevers, throw up, and sometimes be delirious. 

If soulmates were sick for a long enough period, they would fall into a coma. If the soulmates couldn’t be reunited, they would die.

Luckily, soulmate sickness was pretty rare. Soulmates usually tested and knew their distance and time restrictions and didn’t travel outside their bounds. Soulmate sickness was usually caused by accident, or by unforeseen circumstances, like natural disasters.

Yoongi wondered if he would ever meet his soulmate. It would be hard enough since he was an idol and people would lie all the time, claiming to be his soulmate. The thought that maybe he didn’t even have a soulmate crossed his mind too many times for him to care for.

“Time to go, Yoongi!” Hoseok yelled from the door, forcing Yoongi to finally look up from his phone and pull his slumped form off the couch. “Fans are waiting! Let’s go, let’s go.”

“You have too much energy for this early in the morning,” Yoongi grumbled, though still following Hoseok’s direction’s and trailing behind the other rapper into the hallway where Namjoon and other staff members were waiting.

Bangtan was about to head to the stage for their latest fan meet. Yoongi loved fan meets. If it weren’t for their fans, Bangtan wouldn’t be where they were today, and they would never be able to give enough thanks to the small amount of fans they got to know during each fan meet.

“Are you ready to meet Bangtan?” a muffled voice came from the behind the door to the stage. A roar of cheers was heard, which brought a small smile to Yoongi’s face. “Well here they are! Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, and Jung Hoseok!”

A staff member then opened the door and the cheers became much more clearer and louder. The three members then made their way onto the stage, ready to meet some of their devoted fans.

-

“If you make me late, I will delete your Overwatch account,” Taehyung yelled up the stairs.

He then heard a squawk and running footsteps.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Jungkook cried, hand over his chest in disbelief.

“Try me.”

Jungkook huffed while slumping down the stairs. Taehyung swore he heard the other man huffing about how he was just about ready anyways.

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy! You want to see Bangtan just as much as I do!” Taehyung said on the way out of their shared apartment. “I know you’ve been dying to meet Namjoon. Don’t deny it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook muttered, heat rising to his cheeks. “Let’s just get this show on the road so you can go meet the man who you have a shrine in your bedroom to.”

This time, it was Taehyung who let out a squawk.

“Excuse you!” Taehyung argued. “It is not a shrine! I just happen to have a lot of posters and pictures of the love of my life, Min Yoongi.” Taehyung let out a love-struck sigh.

Jungkook smiled and just shook his head. His best friend really was a piece of work.

The two friends made their way to the bus, thrumming with excitement at the chance to finally meet their favorite idols.

Arriving at the theater 30 minutes later, Taehyung could barely contain his excitement. In a few short minutes, he’d be in the same building as Min Yoongi. And not long after that, the same room, and entirely not soon enough, they’d be face to face.

Ever since Taehyung had stumbled upon Bangan’s pre-debut Soundcloud, he’d been in love. He’d loved everything from the beat of their songs to the flow of their raps to the meaning behind the lyrics. And when he’d first heard the low, gravely voice of one Min Yoongi, Taehyung knew that that rapper would be his bias and nothing could change his mind.

Jungkook and Taehyung made their way in the small theater, along with all the other lucky fans who had tickets to the fan meet, and found their seats. The pair were in the back, which meant they’d have to wait longer to meet their idols, but it meant they got to watch them interacting with fans and the other members, which was always a sight to see. Taehyung loved watching videos of fan meets because the members of Bangtan always showed such love to their fans. And of course it helped that sometimes they acted like idiots while on stage, always bringing a smile to Taehyung’s face.

Taehyung’s leg was bouncing with excitement and nervousness. While waiting for the meet to start, Taehyung and Jungkook talked with each other and made small talk with the fans around them, leaning that one girl had been to every single fan meet that Bangtan had (which Taehyung thought was a bit excessive, but he guessed if that’s how she wanted to spend her money, that was on her). 

The girl sitting on Jungkook’s side hadn’t been to a fan meet before like the two boys and was gushing about how she couldn’t wait to meet Namjoon. 

The small room, now packed to the brim with fans, had slowly gotten louder as the clock ticked closer to the start of the event.

A screech from the microphone rang out across the room, causing Taehyung to flinch. The room got eerily silent.

“Are you ready to meet Bantan?” a voice sounded from the speakers.

Taehyung and Jungkook, along with every other person in the room, screamed with excitement.

It’s finally happening! Taehyung thought. He felt like his heart might beat out of his chest. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. The members of Bangtan were just normal people, just like him. Yeah, except they’re insanely talented, and they’re super famous and super rich, Taehyung thought.

“Well here they are! Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, and Jung Hoseok!” the voice spoke again.

Before Taehyung could even think, the entire room was on their feet, cheering for the three men entering the stage, Taehyung right there with them, screaming his lungs out.

The first on stage was Kim Namjoon, leader of Bangtan. Taehyung knew pictures wouldn’t do the man justice, but still, he wasn’t prepared for how Namjoon looked in real life. The rapper smiled out at the crowd, and Taehyung just about swooned. Even though Namjoon wasn’t his bias, he could still write poems about the dimples that graced Namjoon’s face.

The next to enter the stage was Jung Hoseok, dance captain of Bangtan. Again, Taehyung was struck with how pretty the man was in real life. How had BigHit managed to find such attractive men to be in the same group? Hoseok looked at the crowd and waved, causing quite a few people in the crowd to squeal.

Finally, Min Yoongi entered the stage. The moment Taehyung’s eyes landed on the man, he felt his heart grow 10 sizes and burst. If he were in a cartoon, Taehyung knew he would have heart eyes. He couldn’t believe he was finally in the same room as Yoongi and actually looking at the rapper with his own eyes. Taehyung’s whole chest felt warm, and he felt the need to kiss Yoongi all over his face (but honestly, Taehyung always wanted to do that).

Just like the other members, nothing could have prepared Taehyung for what Yoongi looked like in real life. He was both hard lines and soft curves. Yoongi had on what Taehyung thought looked like the softest pastel sweater on the face of the earth. Yoongi had a serious look on his face, but once he looked out into the audience, his signature gummy smile took over his face. He looked like the softest boy on the planet and Taehyung just wanted to squish his cheeks. But, he knew if Yoongi was handed a mic, he would be throwing out hard raps that no one else could ever dream to perform.

“Thank you for coming to our fan meet!” Namjoon spoke into his microphone as he and the other two members took their seats at the table. The crowd cheered again. “We can’t wait to meet you all!”

The MC then took over and called the first row up to get in line.

The next hour passed way too quick and way too slow for Taehyung. He watched Namjoon listen intently to fans as they talked about how Namjoon’s lyrics help them get through tough times in their lives. He watched Hoseok get the brightest smile on his face when a fan told him she had named a star after him. He watched how Yoongi put on all the flower crowns and headbands that fans gave him and let them take pictures before moving on. He watched the three talk about a goof that happened during their last performance. And he watched them act crazy and silly, sometimes throwing things, like stuffed animals they were given, at each other, all with the biggest smiles on their faces.

Finally, the last row was called to get in line. Taehyung bounced on his toes, unable to believe he was finally here. Jungkook, who Taehyung almost forgot was here with him in all the excitement, squeezed his shoulder, looking just as excited.

Taehyung and Jungkook happened to be at the end of the line, so they had to wait a bit more. The line moved at a very slow but steady pace. Before Taehyung knew it, he was at the front of the line.

“Hi! What’s your name?” Namjoon asked, a smile taking over his face.

“Taehyung.”

“Well, Taehyung, it’s so nice to meet you!” Namjoon replied. “Did you have anything you wanted me to sign?”

“Oh, yes! Of course!” Taehyung quickly pulled his copy of Bangtan’s latest album out of his bag and handed it over. He was still in shock at being this close. He thought seeing Namjoon’s dimples from across the room was bad, but seeing them this close made him want to just reach over and poke them.

Namjoon quickly signed the album and handed it back.

“I just wanted to say, thank you so much for all you do,” Taehyung started while taking back the album. “I’ve been following Bangtan since before debut, and y’all’s music has helped me through so much. You all are really such amazing songwriters. You really know how to write lyrics that make a person think and feel.”

Namjoon’s cheeks were now dusted with pink.

“Thank you, but we really should be thanking you!” Namjoon replied. “Without fans like you, we wouldn’t get to do any of this, so thank you. We really appreciate it.”

Now it was Taehyung’s turn to blush. He looked down at his feet, trying and failing to keep the massive smile off his face.

“Next!” a voice called. Taehyung looked up, realizing it was time to move on.

“It was great meeting you, Taehyung!” Namjoon called while he moved on. “I hope we can meet again!”

Taehyung nodded and stopped in front of Hoseok.

“Hello!” Hoseok smiled cheerily, immediately putting Taehyung’s nerves at ease.

“Hi, I’m Taehyung!” he replied, shyly handing over his album.

“How are you doing today, Taehyung?” Hoseok asked while signing the album. “Are you having a fun time?”

“Oh, yes! It’s been great!” Taehyung nodded.

“Is it your first fan meet?”

“Yes! I’ve been a fan since before Bangtan debuted, but this was the first time I’ve been able to get tickets for a fan meet,” Taehyung replied.

Hoseok nodded and handed the album back over. 

“Well, I’m glad you could finally make it!” Hoseok smiled. “We really appreciate your support! I can’t believe you’ve been following us since before debut! That’s a long time!”

“It’s not that hard to support when y’all put out such amazing music,” Taehyung said.

“Well, I’m happy we got to meet!” Hoseok replied as the voice came back over the speaker and called for the line to continue moving.

Taehyung shyly waved bye and moved down the table. He didn’t dare look up yet. Yoongi was the last and most important and Taehyung felt like he might have a heart attack at seeing Min Yoongi this close.

Taehyung stopped in front of Yoongi’s spot and unzipped his bag, pulling out the gift he bought specifically for the other man.

“This is for you,” Taehyung said while shoving the gift forward, still afraid of looking up. He was afraid Yoongi wouldn’t like the gift.

“Aw, Yoongi got a Kumamon plushie!” Namjoon spoke, surprising Taehyung into looking up. The older man was draped over Yoongi’s shoulders. Taehyung quickly glanced down the line and realized that the line had ended, so Namjoon didn’t have a fan to talk with.

Taehyung finally looked at Yoongi, who had pink cheeks. Namjoon turned his head and realized the other man was blushing and reached to pinch his cheeks.

“Aw, look what you did, Taehyung! You made Min Yoongi blush!” Namjoon cried dramatically. 

Yoongi quickly pushed the younger man off his shoulders while grumbling about going back to his own seat and Taehyung swore he heard something about knowing where Namjoon slept.

Once Namjoon had made his way back to his own spot, Yoongi finally spoke.

“Thank you. I love it.”

“Really? I was nervous that maybe you already had enough Kumamon plushies from fans or that maybe you already had this one or maybe you wouldn’t like it,” Taehyung rambled.

Yoongi laughed and Taehyung felt his heart stop at hearing it in person. His laugh sounded so comforting, as odd as that sounded. The laugh sounded very loving and Taehyung would love to make him laugh again.

“Yes, I really love it,” Yoongi smiled. “I actually don’t think I have this specific one, so it’s perfect.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Taehyung smiled back, pink still dusting his cheeks from his earlier rambling. “Oh! I have my album for you to sign!” 

Taehyung quickly handed it over.

“I’m glad you got to come today, Taehyung,” Yoongi said while signing the album. “Meeting our fans is always so much fun, though it was probably more fun for you because you got to watch us act like idiots with each other up here on stage.”

Taehyung giggled, nodding along.

“Well, I’m glad I got to meet you, Taehyung. Maybe we’ll get to meet each other again some time!” Yoongi continued, handing Taehyung his album back.

“I really hope so,” the younger replied.

“Next!” the voice that Taehyung was starting to dread called. He stuck the album back into his bag and waved to Yoongi before turning toward the door. Taehyung’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much, but it was so worth it to finally meet Bangtan.

Taehyung made it out into the hallway and sat on one of the benches that lined the wall, waiting for Jungkook to join him. Since they were basically last in line, there weren’t too many people left hanging around, which Taehyung was glad for because he was still sure his face was pink from talking with Yoongi.

“We just met Bangtan!” Jungkook cried as he threw open the auditorium doors. “I can’t believe we just did that! And I talked with Namjoon! And you talked with Yoongi!” 

Taehyung stood up from the bench, a smile still stretching over his cheeks. The two made their way outside to the bus stop, catching each other up on what they talked about with each member.

By the time they reached their apartment, the two had shared their stories and were walking in comfortable silence as they made their way inside. Taehyung felt the happiest he had ever been. He had been stressed lately because of work, but he forgot all about those worries now. He felt like his life was complete now and his heart was full.

The next few weeks passed by with nothing special. Taehyung went to work everyday and came home and hung out with Jungkook. Now that he had met Yoongi and the rest of Bangtan, Taehyung felt like something in his life was missing. 

It’s probably all just in my head, Taehyung though. This isn’t some Y/N fanfiction. It’s not like I was going to attend the fan meet and have one of the members fall in love with me by just looking at me. Plus, they have soulmates out there somewhere. And so do I. Who knows when I’ll finally meet them, but they’re out there somewhere.

Taehyung had never really thought much about his soulmate. He knew he had one because everyone did, but he didn’t really think much past that. He figured when the time was right, the universe would put that person in his life and he would know exactly when it happened and he would be in love.

Growing up, it was impossible to go through life without hearing soulmate stories. People would talk about the moment they laid eyes on their significant other, the moment they knew they were in love. Most people said it was hard to explain what it felt like to find their soulmate, but that you would know when it happened to you. You would get this overwhelming love for this other person and you’d never want to let them go.

Taehyung couldn’t wait until that moment, but until then, he was content with going through life not worrying about it.

“Hey!” Jungkook called when he came home one night after work, a pizza box in tow. “Did you see that they finally published the pictures from when Bangtan left for their tour last week? I’m pretty sure Hoseok had to do a punishment based on the outfit he was wearing at the airport.”

“Oo! I wanna see!” Taehyung quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up Twitter to look at the pictures. “Oh my god, I can’t believe he wore that to the airport. I would never be able to do that.”

“This is why we love them.”

“Because they’re huge dorks?” Taehyung raised his eyebrows. 

“No,” Jungkook laughed. “Okay, maybe. But also because they’re confident enough to do things like this. And they’re okay with looking like idiots sometimes if it makes their fans happy. And it made me happy.”

Taehyung just shook his head before grabbing a slice of pizza. The two spent their night watching crappy dramas on TV while finishing their pizza.

The next morning, Taehyung woke up feeling like he didn’t get any sleep, which he thought was odd because he had gone to bed at a decent time. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and stretched his arms out. Today was going to be a long day if he felt this exhausted already. Maybe he could squeeze a nap in during his lunch break.

“Morning!” Jungkook chirped as he entered the kitchen. “Have a hard night?” 

Taehyung just grumbled into his large coffee cup. He was in no mood for Jungkook’s cheeriness this early in the morning. Taehyung despised morning people.

Jungkook shuffled around the kitchen, grabbing a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal.

“Seriously, are you okay?” Jungkook asked once he plopped down in the chair across from Taehyung and finally got a good look at the other man. “You look like death. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Did you stay up playing Overwatch without me last night or something?”

Taehyung shook his head.

“I don’t know what the problem is,” Taehyung started. “I went to bed at a decent time last night, but I woke up feeling like I didn’t get any sleep. Today is going to be hell. I have a presentation to give to the museum curator today, and I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I passed out during it.”

Taehyung brought the coffee cup back up and drank half the cup in one go. Maybe if he downed another cup of coffee before he left, he’d feel better by the time he got to work.

“Well, don’t push yourself too hard. Maybe you picked up a bug somewhere,” Jungkook reasoned. “Take it easy today and go to bed early tonight and maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Taehyung just nodded, focused on drowning himself in coffee.

The day went just as Taehyung had predicted. Crappy. Taehyung had filled a thermos with coffee before he left for work and downed it on the bus ride to the museum. He had felt a little more awake by the time he made it in, but his head was starting to hurt. Taehyung worked all morning finalizing his presentation for that afternoon, but by the time that rolled around, he had a massive headache and couldn’t concentrate on his computer.

While giving the presentation, the curator actually stopped him to ask him if he was okay. Taehyung of course said he was fine and continued with the presentation. Luckily, after it was done, it was almost time to head home. On the bus ride home, Taehyung’s headache got worse, which he didn’t think was possible, and by the time he got off at his stop, his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

Okay, early bedtime it is.

Taehyung quickly made his way home and headed straight to the bathroom, where he quickly swallowed a few painkillers. Hopefully that would help with the stuffiness.

The rest of the night was spent lying around the apartment, and Taehyung kept true to his word and went to bed early.

Hopefully this will all go away and I’ll feel fine in the morning, Taehyung thought as he drifted off.

-

Yoongi’s alarm went off way too early for his liking. Touring was great and all, but dealing with time changes and constant traveling was hell on his body.

“Ugh,” Yoongi groaned, rolling over to slap at his phone to turn the constant blaring off.

As soon as the alarm was turned off, a knock sounded at the door. Of course. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

Yoongi slowly made his way out of the hotel bed, grabbing a blanket to wrap around his shoulders before heading to the door.

“What?” Yoongi grumbled, throwing the door open.

“Good morning to you, too, sunshine,” grinned Hoseok. “I just came to wake you up before they started putting breakfast away. I know you like your sleep, but I know how grumpy you get when you miss out on a meal. And based off how you opened the door, I would say I was right on time, Mr. Grumpy Pants.”

“I hate you,” Yoongi replied with no real heat behind his words. “I’ll be down soon, just give me a minute to get changed.”

Hoseok nodded and turned on his heel, heading back down the hallway. Yoongi shut the door behind him, feeling a little more awake than he was when he opened the door. Hoseok really was like his portal battery.

Ten minutes later, Yoongi made his way into their private dining room at the hotel where breakfast was being served for the group and their staff. Making his way through the buffet line quickly, Yoongi spotted Namjoon and Hoseok easily as the room was almost empty because it was so late in the morning.

“Are you ready for the concert tonight, hyung?” Namjoon questioned once Yoongi sat down.

“Of course. Are you?” Yoongi shot back. Namjoon laughed and nodded the affirmative. Namjoon then turned to Hoseok and started up the conversation they were having before Yoongi arrived, and Yoongi turned toward his food. 

After taking the first bite, Yoongi suddenly felt nauseous. He quickly put his chopsticks down and grabbed a drink of water.

“Hyung? Is everything okay?” Hoseok asked, glancing over at the older man.

“Yeah,” Yoongi said, nodding his head. “I don’t know what happened. I thought I was hungry, but I just suddenly felt really nauseous. I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat anything. At least not right now.”

Namjoon leaned over and felt his forehead.

“You don’t feel warm. Are you feeling sick other than feeling nauseous?” Namjoon questioned, looking Yoongi over quickly to make sure there weren’t any noticeable signs that the other man wasn’t feeling well.

“I feel fine, other than that. I don’t know what the issue is. Maybe it’s the jet lag. Or just eating too close to waking up. I’ll be fine in a little bit,” Yoongi reassured. He didn’t know what the problem was, but he knew that he was going to do everything in his power to make sure he was better for their soundcheck and concert later. He couldn’t let their fans down. “I think I’m just going to go lay down for a bit. I’ll eat something before we head to the venue. Come get me before it’s time to leave?”

Namjoon and Hoseok just nodded, concerned for their friend, but unable to do anything for the other man. Letting him rest was their best option for now. Unfortunately, feeling sick on tour because of jet lag and exhaustion was common. Sleep and eating healthy were the only ways they had ever found to help combat them.

Yoongi quickly made his way back up to his room, falling asleep almost the second his head hit his pillow.

-

A week later and Taehyung woke up feeling like he had been hit by a bus. His body ached from head to toe, his head felt completely stopped up, and no matter how early he went to bed, he was always yawning.

Dragging himself to work had become a chore. The barista at the coffee shop a block from the museum had become his new best friend, already having his order prepared by the time he made it to the front of the line. After work, Taehyung used to play games or watch TV with Jungkook. Now, Taehyung felt like going straight to bed as soon as he walked in the door.

“Taehyung, I really think you need to go to the doctor,” Jungkook finally broke on Friday night. “I can’t just sit here and watch you like this. I know you’ve been getting enough sleep, so there has to be some other issue. I hate seeing you like this.”

The two roommates had been sitting on the couch, eating takeout and watching a crappy reality show on TV, like their normal Friday night. During a commercial break, Jungkook had finally broken the silence with his plea.

“I’m fine, Kookie,” Taehyung reassured. “It’s just a bug or something. Maybe a cold. I’ll be fine in a few days.”

“You are not fine!” Jungkook argued. “You’re tired all the time, even after you chug two cups of coffee, which is not healthy at all. You’ve complained about headaches every day this week, and it doesn’t seem like the painkillers are helping. You haven’t been eating as much, either, and I know it’s only been a week, but it looks like you’ve lost weight, and your complexion has become super pale.

“I just- I can’t sit here while it looks like you’re wasting away. I’m your best friend, Taehyung. I love you, and I don’t like watching you like this.”

Taehyung sighed, finally setting his plate on the coffee table and turning toward the other man.

“Go to the doctor, please,” Jungkook cut Taehyung off before he could say a word. “If it’s just the flu, then it’s the flu and we’ll know. I’d rather overreact about the flu than find out it’s something worse later on when you become more sick. Please, Taehyung, for me.”

Taehyung sighed. He knew there was no way he was getting out of this. Truth be told, he wouldn’t mind going to the doctor. He had actually been thinking about it before Jungkook had said anything. He really didn’t think it was the flu. He’s had the flu before and it didn’t feel anything like this. Taehyung felt like he was wasting away, like something big was missing in his life, and if he didn’t get it back, he’d turn to dust and blow away with the wind.

“Alright. I’ll make an appointment on Monday,” Taehyung agreed.

“Thank you,” Jungkook sighed in relief. “Now that we’ve covered that, can we please turn off this crappy show and talk about Bangtan? They’ve been on tour for over a week, and we haven’t discussed any of the photos or videos from the concerts!”

Taehyung’s heart skipped. He’d talk about Bangtan any day.

“Do you even have to ask?” Taehyung scoffed. “Get your laptop! We need to watch all the videos!”

Jungkook leapt off the couch and ran to his room to grab his laptop. 

“Here are some pictures from last night from someone I follow on Twitter,” Jungkook said, pulling up the photos.

The two spent the next twenty minutes scrolling through the photos and gushing over their favorites. 

“Does Yoongi look tired to you in these photos?” Taehyung pointed out after a couple of Yoongi pictures in a row. “It looks like he’s got bags under his eyes. It doesn’t look like even makeup can cover them up.”

“Maybe it’s just the lighting? Or maybe it’s just jet lag from traveling,” Jungkook reasoned.

Taehyung just shrugged, still a little worried about Yoongi. He may only be a fan to the rapper, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t care about his health.

The two then moved on to videos from the latest concert, which was the night before.

“Wait, go back a second,” Taehyung interjected a few videos in. Jungkook quickly complied. “Do you see that? He looks… I don’t know, but he doesn’t look okay. He looks like he’s going to be sick or something.”

Jungkook scrutinized the screen, playing the short clip over and over again.

“Yeah, I guess he does look kind of like that,” Jungkook said after a moment. “Like I said though, maybe it’s just jet lag. Or the lighting. Who knows? No use speculating though.”

Taehyung hummed in agreement, though he wasn’t so sure.

After another hour of scouring Twitter for photos and videos, Taehyung decided to finally head to bed. He still felt terrible, but hopefully he’d figure out what was wrong next week. As he drifted off to sleep, the video clip of Yoongi looking unwell played on repeat behind his eyes.

-

“Come on, Yoongi. We’re here,” Namjoon shook Yoongi’s shoulder, waking the older man up from his short nap. The group had just arrived at the venue for their concert. Yoongi didn’t really have any idea where they were, he just went where he was told. The past week, or he thinks it’s been a week, of touring had been crazy. From performing a show every night, traveling to different countries, visiting different TV shows to promote their album and concerts, and adding jet lag on top of that, Yoongi hadn’t been feeling the best.

The group headed inside the venue, making their way to the dressing room. Once inside, Yoongi plopped himself down on one of the couches, planning on making himself sink into the couch until he was required to be somewhere for soundcheck.

“How’re you feeling?” Hoseok sat down next to Yoongi, disrupting his plans of falling back asleep. “I know you like your sleep, but you’ve definitely been sleeping more than you normally do on tour. Maybe you should talk with our doctor. We’re worried about you.”

Yoongi groaned. He did not want to do this right now. Hoseok was right. Of course he was right. There was no denying that something besides jet lag was wrong with Yoongi, but he hoped if he put it off long enough, it’d go away on its own. But, if it was enough for his friends to actually say something to him about it, maybe it was serious.

“I’m okay, Hoseok,” Yoongi finally answered. “Maybe I’m just not as in shape or healthy as I normally am on tour. And there’s nothing wrong with sleep! Sleep is good for you!”

Hoseok just raised his eyebrows.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll talk with the doctor.” Hoseok’s eyes lit up. “After the concert.”

His smile dimmed slightly, but he would take what he could get. Yoongi was a stubborn man, and getting him to agree to talk with their physician on his own must really mean the older man wasn’t feeling the greatest.

“Good. We love you, Yoongi. We only want the best for you. Plus, it’s no fun calling you a cat if you're not around to hear it and complain," Hoseok teased. 

"I am not a cat," Yoongi grumbled. 

"See, there's my best friend," Hoseok smiled. 

"Alright, boys. Time for soundcheck!" a manager called, as he stuck his head in the room. 

The three members of Bangtan followed the man to the stage, grabbing their mics from a stagehand along the way. 

"We only need to go through a couple songs to get everything set, but you will need to do choreography so the techs can get an idea of how it sounds while moving around the stage," the manager instructed. 

Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon all nodded, stepping up to their places for the first song. 

The moment the first beats flowed through Yoongi's in-ear pieces, he fell into what Hoseok called his "stage mode." It didn't matter that it was only soundcheck, Yoongi would give it his all. 

The three moved through the song flawlessly, hours of practice and other performances paying off. 

The second the song ended, Yoongi started gasping for breath. He leaned over and put his hands on his knees, trying to suck in as much air as possible to steady his racing heart. He knew he had been feeling like crap lately, but he didn't think one song would make him feel this bad. Maybe it was a good idea Hoseok had convinced him to see their physician. 

"Hey, you good?" Namjoon asked, placing a hand on Yoongi's back. 

Yoongi only nodded, still trying to catch his breath. A water bottle was suddenly thrust into his line of vision, which he gladly grabbed and chugged. 

"Maybe you should take it easy," Hoseok, who was now on his other side, suggested. "This is only soundcheck, after all. I know you'll want to go all out for the concert tonight, and you can't do that if you tire yourself out now." 

Namjoon hummed in agreement, rubbing his hand up and down Yoongi's back in comfort. He hated seeing his members and best friends sick. He was the leader and would fight for them to the ends of the earth, but there was only so much he could do about physical illnesses. 

"I'll be okay," Yoongi tried to reassure after finally catching his breath. "We've only got one more song to run through, and then I can sleep until the concert. And then I'll talk with our doctor after. I'll be okay." 

Hoseok and Namjoon looked like they wanted to argue, but the manager was calling for them to get set for the second song. Plus, they knew Yoongi was stubborn and that they wouldn't be able to change his mind. 

Yoongi stood up, threw the empty water bottle to the side, and went to his starting position, the other two following. 

The song started, and Yoongi still gave it his all. He was moving through the motions, albeit a little wobbly, but he was making it through.

See, I told them I was okay. 

As soon as that thought passed through his head, Yoongi stumbled, but luckily he caught himself before he fell completely. He continued the choreography, but quickly glanced around to see if anyone had noticed, which it didn't seem like they did. 

Yoongi's verse came up, and he moved to the center of the stage, glad that he could stop dancing for a moment while he rapped. He would never admit it, but spots had started dancing around his vision, which probably had been the cause of him stumbling.

By the time his verse was over, the spots had cleared, and Yoongi was grateful. He quickly moved back into the choreography, letting Hoseok take over the song. 

Of course, as soon as he thought he was in the clear, the spots returned. Yoongi chose to ignore them. The song was almost over and then he could go and sleep it off. That's all it was, right? He just needed a little more sleep and everything would be okay in time for the concert tonight. 

Famous last words, Yoongi thought as his vision turned darker and he stumbled again, this time making it all the way to the knees before catching himself. 

He barely registered the music stopping. He thought he heard someone call out his name, but he couldn't be too sure. He was too focused on trying to get his vision back to normal and keeping himself upright. It all became too much, and Yoongi finally gave in. 

Maybe Hoseok was right and I do need to get help sooner, was Yoongi’s last thought before giving in to the darkness.

-

"Bangan's Min Yoongi has collapsed during soundcheck before a show in England." 

" Taehyung! Get in here!" Jungkook called from the couch. He had been switching through channels and happened to land on the news when he saw a picture of Bangtan. 

"What? I was just about to go to bed," Taehyung grumbled, trudging into the living room, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. It was now Saturday night, and even though he had spent most of the day in bed, Taehyung was ready to get more sleep. 

"Look!" Jungkook pointed to the TV, where a picture of Yoongi was on the screen. 

Taehyung felt his heart lurch. 

"They said he collapsed at a soundcheck!" Jungkook recapped. "You were right when you said he looked tired." 

Taehyung then felt his heart fall to his stomach. 

Is Yoongi going to be okay? He has to okay! I can't live without him! Wait, what am I saying? I'm just a fan. We've met once. I'm not a crazed fan. He has his life, and I have mine. I'll be okay. He'll be okay. It'll all be okay. 

Sitting down on the couch next to his roommate, Taehyung stared at the TV, waiting for the news anchor to give more updates. 

"An ambulance was seen leaving the venue by fans, which prompted an outcry from fans online, demanding to know if the members of Bangtan were okay. 

"BigHit released a statement shortly after, stating Min Yoongi, the oldest in the group, had collapsed during soundcheck and that he was being treated at a nearby hospital. They did not give any indication as to his current status or what caused him to collapse. The concert for tonight has also been canceled.

"Fans from all over the world are now sending in messages of support for Yoongi, hoping the rapper recovers soon.

"This is a breaking news story; we'll keep you updated as we receive more information."

The room was silent as Jungkook muted the TV. Taehyung knew he shouldn't feel this upset about his favorite idol being sick, but he couldn't help it. He felt the need to hop on a plane and go and take care of the man himself. Which was obviously out of the question, and only something that an obsessed fan would do. 

"Hey, he's going to be okay," Jungkook tried to reassure. 

Taehyung just nodded, curling himself further into his blanket. 

"It's probably just exhaustion. You know he likes to work, and with them being on tour, it probably didn't help," Jungkook reasoned. "Hey, maybe it's a sympathy sickness. He knew his biggest fan wasn't feeling so great, so now he's feeling a little under the weather, too" 

Taehyung didn't laugh at Jungkook's attempt at a joke, but his lip did twitch. 

"I'm going to head to bed," Taehyung finally spoke up a few minutes later. 

Slowly dragging himself off the couch, Taehyung made his way toward his room, all but collapsing on his bed. 

The next morning, Jungkook woke up early and decided to make breakfast for him and Taehyung. He hoped he could cheer the other man up. First, he'd had a crappy week at work and had been feeling sick, and now Yoongi getting sick. It was just not Taehyung's week. 

"Taehyung, I made breakfast," Jungkook lightly knocked on the older man's door. 

Silence. 

"Tae Tae? Are you up?" Jungkook tried again. 

More silence. 

"I made your favorite! You can't stay in bed all day!"

Silence again. Now Jungkook was starting to get worried. Taehyung wasn't a super heavy sleeper, and usually knocking on his door would wake him up. 

"I'm coming in, so I hope you're decent," Jungkook tried one last time before slowly opening the door. 

All the lights were off, and the blinds were still closed. Jungkook could still make out a Taehyung-sized lump on the bed, covered in a mound of blankets. 

"Taehyung?" 

No answer. 

Jungkook walked to the bed and carefully put a hand on what he thought would be Taehyung's shoulder under all the blankets. He shook the man slightly, hoping to get a response now.

"Taehyung, it's time to wake up. I made breakfast."

Still no response. Not even a slight movement from under the blankets. 

"Taehyung, this isn't funny. Come on, wake up." 

Jungkook shook the man a little harder. There was no way he could still be asleep after all that. Jungkook's heart started racing. Something had to be wrong. Quickly, Jungkook started grabbing blankets and throwing them over his shoulder, not caring where they landed. 

Finally, Jungkook saw a fluffy head of hair peeking out from the final blanket. 

"Taehyung," Jungkook tried one last time, shaking his shoulder again. Still no response. 

Jungkook quickly pulled the last blanket down. Taehyung laid on his bed, eyes closed, unmoving. Looking over him, Jungkook didn't see any physical injuries that would cause him to be in this state. Luckily, he did see Taehyung’s chest moving up and down. 

Trying one last time, hoping that this was all some stupid prank or that he was still sleeping, Jungkook called his name and shook his shoulders, even tapping the older man's cheeks lightly to see if it would cause the man to stir. 

No response.

"Oh God, Taehyung. No, no, no. Please be okay. Please be okay." 

Jungkook quickly ran out of the room to grab his phone to call an ambulance. 

He has to be okay. He has to be okay. 

-

“What do you mean soulmate sickness? He’s never met his soulmate!” Namjoon argued with the doctor. 

After Yoongi collapsed on stage, he hadn’t woken up, so an ambulance was called. Namjoon, Hoseok, and one of their managers had been waiting at the hospital all night for the doctors to tell them what was happening with Yoongi. They hadn’t been told anything all night, not even if he had woken up.

“All the signs and symptoms point to soulmate sickness, I’m afraid,” the doctor repeated. “If he doesn’t know who his soulmate is, it will make it that much harder for him to get better, I’m afraid.”

“How long do we have to find his soulmate?” the manager spoke up. Namjoon’s vision blurred from tears he refused to let fall. How could he forget? If two soulmates weren’t reunited within a certain time period, then both would die.

“I’m afraid he’s probably only got about a week, based on his condition. Unfortunately, since soulmate sickness is different in everyone, we can’t be completely certain how long it will take,” the doctor replied. 

Namjoon fell into the cheap chair he’d been sitting in for the past eight hours. He heard a loud sob from the chair next to him.

Hoseok.

Namjoon quickly wrapped his arms around the other man, trying to hold his own tears back. He needed to keep it together for the both of them. At least long enough to finish hearing what the doctor had to say.

“What can we do?” the manager kept the conversation going, even though he looked like he was ready to be sick or cry or both.

“You need to find his soulmate. The closer they are together, the more time you’ll give him. I’d say it’s been a little over a month since he met his soulmate, so if that helps you by knowing where he was then. Once you’re able to find his soulmate, we can move either Yoongi or his soulmate, who is probably also in the same condition, to be with each other. Once they’re in close proximity, like the same room, they should start healing,” the doctor explained.

“Thank you, doctor,” the manager replied.

The next few moments passed in silence, barr Hoseok sobbing into Namjoon’s chest, while the manager pulled out his phone to look at Bangtan’s schedule. 

“The fan meeting!” the manager called out in surprise.

“What?” Namjoon asked, shocked.

Hoseok, curious, pulled himself away from Namjoon’s chest, wiping away his tears.

“The fan meeting!” the manager repeated. “It was a little over a month ago! That had to be where he met his soulmate. I don’t know how he didn’t realize it, but that had to have been it. You all weren’t really doing much around then, just a few interviews here and there. I can reach out to the people from the interviews to be sure, but I’m positive it had to have been from the fan meeting.”

Hope bloomed in Namjoon’s chest. They could do this. They would be able to find Yoongi’s soulmate, and he would be okay. He had to be.

-

“This has to be a prank. He hasn’t met his soulmate. There’s no way it could be soulmate sickness,” Jungkook argued.

“That’s what all the signs are pointing to, I’m afraid. Taehyung must have met his soulmate and not realized it,” the doctor replied. “If you can’t find his soulmate soon, there’s not much we can do. Based on the level of his symptoms, he’s probably got about a week left, give or take.”

A sob wracked it’s way out of Jungkook. No. There was no way he was going to let his best friend die.

“Based on that information, I would say that he met his soulmate a little over a month ago, if that helps you find his soulmate. Please let me know if I can help in any way,” the doctor tried to reassure. 

Jungkook kept his scoff inside as the doctor walked out of the room. Sitting down next to the bed where Taehyung laid lifeless, Jungkook felt a tear slide down his cheek.

“You can’t leave me, Taehyung. I won’t let you,” Jungkook said, grabbing the other man’s hand. “I’m going to find your soulmate. I don’t know how, but I promise you, I’m going to find them. I won’t let you die on me. You’re not allowed. You have to get better for your soulmate. And for me. And Min Yoongi. You have to live to see him in person again.”

Jungkook laughed dryly. 

Wait.

Min Yoongi.

The fan meet was a little over a month ago.

Yoongi also collapsed recently and the band had not said what was going on with him.

Bangtan had been on tour and had been far enough away from Taehyung that it would cause soulmate sickness.

Oh.

My.

God.

Taehyung’s soulmate was Min Yoongi.

It had to be. There was no other option.

“I hate you, you know that? You lucky bastard. You get Min Yoongi as your soulmate,” Jungkook spoke into the quiet hospital room. “Now how the hell am I going to get you two together?”

-

The next 24 hours passed in a blur for Namjoon and Hoseok. Yoongi was transferred to a hospital in Seoul, since that had to be where Yoongi’s soulmate was. They were reassured that once the two soulmates were in the same city, they would have a little more time to find each other, but it still wouldn’t be forever. 

Once they arrived back in Seoul, their tour on hold indefinitely for the time being, Namjoon and Hoseok quickly got to work. They obtained a list of everyone who bought tickets for the fan meet, along with any contact information they had given. Their manager also set to work reaching out to the few interviewers they had made contact with that week, but hadn’t had any luck.

“How are we supposed to know who his soulmate is? It could be anyone! And, if they’re in the same position as Yoongi, how would we even get ahold of them anyways?” Hoseok questioned, trying to not give up, but it was hard when there was such a bleak outlook.

“It’ll be okay,” Namjoon reassured the other man. “We’ll find his soulmate, and it’ll all be okay. We can do this.” 

Namjoon didn’t know if he was trying to reassure Hoseok or himself. He didn’t want to give up, he had to keep going for Yoongi, but it was hard like Hoseok said. They didn’t know everyone that had attended the fan meet, and plus, his soulmate would also be sick, so if they had collapsed like Yoongi, it would be that much harder to find them. And on top of that, they weren’t even sure if Yoongi’s soulmate was at the fan meet. For all they knew, he had passed by them on the street or on the subway. Seoul was a big city, afterall.

Namjoon and Hoseok got to work calling all the numbers they had available. They only stayed on the line for a few moments, mainly just to confirm the identity of the person and see if they were able to pick up the phone. They didn’t say who they were or who they were with, they not only didn’t have the time, they didn’t want any word getting out around why they were calling people.

Two hours and fifty phone calls later, no progress had been made.

“Ugh, this isn’t working,” Namjoon slammed his phone down on the table. So far, everyone had picked up the call and had sounded fine.

The rest of the afternoon was spent making phone calls, but Hoseok and Namjoon didn’t have any luck. They made a list of about ten people who hadn’t picked up with the intent to call them another time, but there was no guarantee that Yoongi’s soulmate was one of those people.

Realizing there was nothing further they could do at the moment, Namjoon and Hoseok went to the hospital, wanting to keep an eye on Yoongi. 

They both spent the night on the small chairs in the room, wanting to be there in case something happened. Namjoon woke with a crick in his neck, but he didn’t care.

That day was spent the same as before, Namjoon and Hoseok searching for Yoongi’s soulmate with no luck. At the end of the day, the two made their way back to the hospital. Yoongi’s complexion was slowly getting paler, and he was getting noticeably thinner. Namjoon didn’t like it.

The next morning, Namjoon decided he’d spend the day at the hospital, searching for Yoongi’s soulmate from there. 

Namjoon left the hospital, intent on grabbing his laptop and the fan meet attendee list from his studio and heading right back. He didn’t want to leave Yoongi for long.

Walking through the front doors of the building, a commotion at the reception desk caught his attention.

“Please, you have to help me,” a man pleaded. “My friend, he’s sick. He’s Min Yoongi’s soulmate. He’ll die if I don’t get him help. Please.” 

Could it be? 

Namjoon froze. This had to be it. No other explanation was possible (besides maybe a crazed fan), but based on the look on the man’s face, Namjoon believed he was telling the truth.

Running over before security could throw him out, Namjoon called out to the reception desk.

“He’s okay, let him be.”

The man looked over, and Namjoon could see tears running down his cheeks. He had dark purple bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in a week. Namjoon now fully believed the man was telling the truth. He couldn’t believe it.

“Follow me,” Namjoon waved him over, turning and heading toward his studio.

The man quickly followed.

“I’m Namjoon, but you probably already knew that,” Namjoon said, turning toward the other man after closing the door behind them in his studio.

“I’m Jungkook,” Jungkook said, nodding. “Please, you have to help me. My best friend is Yoongi’s soulmate, and he’s dying. I can’t watch him die.”

Namjoon gestured for the two to sit on the couch.

“Can you tell me why you think so?” Namjoon questioned, wanting to hear his story before making any rash decisions.

“Taehyung, my friend, and I attended Bangtan’s fan meet last month,” Jungkook started. “When y’all left for tour, Taehyung started to feel exhausted all the time and like he had a cold or flu or something. I didn’t put all this together until a few days ago, when I found him unresponsive in his bed.

“When the doctor at the hospital told me it was soulmate sickness, I happened to think about the fact that Yoongi had also collapsed, and when the doctor said Taehyung likely met his soulmate about a month ago, I realized the two must be soulmates. Everything matched up, including the distance and when y’all left.

“You all sure are hard to get ahold of,” Jungkook laughed wryly. “I’ve been trying for days, but everyone just thinks I’m a crazed fan or something. I promise, I’m telling the truth. God, you probably think I’m crazy or something. But I have to do something. Taehyung probably only has a few more days left. He’s started declining, and I couldn’t just sit there and watch.”

Jungkook rubbed his hands over his face, attempting to gather his thoughts. It had been a long few days, and finally, he had gotten ahold of someone at BigHit. And it was Kim Namjoon of all people.

“I believe you,” Namjoon spoke a moment later.

Jungkook’s head snapped up.

“You do?”

“Yes,” Namjoon reassured. “Yoongi also has soulmate sickness. We haven’t released that to the public, so unless you made a really, really lucky guess, you’re telling the truth. I believe you.”

Jungkook sagged into the couch, feeling like he could finally breathe for the first time all week.

“Okay, so what do we do now?” Jungkook asked. 

“Now, we get Taehyung and Yoongi to the same hospital and to the same room, and then hopefully, they get better.”

Moving Yoongi and Taehyung to the same hospital turned out to be an easy job. The hospital quickly moved Taehyung via ambulance to the hospital Yoongi was in. Not even two hours after Namjoon made the first call, Taehyung’s hospital bed was rolled into Yoongi’s room.

“This is him?” Hoseok asked, quickly standing up where he had been sitting vigil beside Yoongi’s bed. 

Namjoon and Jungkook followed behind the hospital staff pushing the bed.

“Yes, this is Yoongi’s soulmate, Kim Taehyung,” Namjoon replied. “Hoseok, meet Taehyung’s best friend, Jeon Jungkook.” 

The two bowed to each other, but quickly focused back on the hospital staff. Nurses were running around the room, getting Taehyung hooked up to the new machines, keeping the two hospital beds as close together as possible.

A few moments later, Yoongi’s doctor walked in.

“Hello, everyone. You must be Jungkook, Kim Taehyung’s friend? I’m Dr. Choi,” she said, turning to introduce herself to the Jungkook. “I’ve been treating Yoongi since he’s been here this week, and I will be taking over Taehyung’s treatment as well.

“Today is a good day, and to be frank, really good timing. If you hadn’t found each other within the next 24 hours, it might have been too late for either of them. But, none of that matters now because they’re both here.

“Treatment from here on out shouldn’t be too medical. Their bodies will recognize that their soulmate is near and start healing on their own. It shouldn’t take more than a few hours for them to wake up, and no more than 24 hours for them to fully recover. We’ll leave you all alone, but once they wake up, please let us know,” Dr. Choi finished.

She bowed and left the room, the nurses following behind.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook sighed in relief, plopping down in the chair next to Taehyung’s bed. “I can’t believe he’s going to be okay.”

“You can say that again,” Hoseok said, moving to the chair next to Yoongi’s bed.

The next few hours passed rather quickly for Jungkook, Hoseok, and Namjoon. The three spent the time getting to know each other, learning about each other’s lives, Jungkook talking about his job as a graphic designer, and Namjoon and Hoseok telling Jungkook about what being part of Bangtan was really like without all the cameras.

Jungkook hadn’t let go of Taehyung’s hand since he’d sat down, so when a finger moved, Jungkook felt it right away.

“Taehyung?” Jungkook squeezed the other man’s hand, cutting off Namjoon’s story about the time when he ruined his studio computer by tripping and spilling his coffee all over the desk. “Can you hear me?”

This time, a couple of Taehyung’s fingers moved, causing Jungkook to scoot his chair closer to the bed. 

“Come on, Taehyung, you can do it,” Jungkook urged.

Taehyung’s eyes started to slowly flutter open as he let out a small groan. Jungkook squeezed his hand again, afraid that what he was seeing wasn’t real. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions the last couple of days, and Jungkook never wanted to go through this again.

“What’s going on?” Taehyung slurred out. Luckily, Jungkook had heard enough of Taehyung’s just-woke-up voice to understand him easily.

“You’re in the hospital, Taehyung,” Jungkook replied.

Taehyung’s eyes slowly wided, finally looking around the room. When they landed on Namjoon and Hoseok sitting across from him, looking on earnestly, his eyes widened even more, which Jungkook didn’t think was possible.

“What?” Taehyung mumbled.

“You had soulmate sickness, Taehyung,” Jungkook explained. “You met your soulmate, and I found you passed out in your bed. You’ve been here ever since.”

“Soulmate sickness?” Taehyung asked, finally seeming to fully wake up. “But, I didn’t-”

“You did,” Jungkook interrupted, pointing to the other bed.

Taehyung turned, finally looking at the man in the other bed.

“That’s Min Yoongi. Oh my god, that’s Min Yoongi,” Taehyung whispered. “My soulmate is Min Yoongi?”

Taehyung turned back to his best friend, shock written all over his face. Jungkook grinned and nodded.

“You lucky bastard,” he replied, laughing. “You get Min fucking Yoongi as your soulmate. Which, maybe you don’t deserve because you didn’t even know you’d met him! And, if you ever do this to me again, I’m going to kill you myself!” 

Jungkook tried to keep his tone light, but the last few days had been weighing heavily on him. He’d had to watch his best friend almost die.

Taehyung opened his arms for a hug and Jungkook threw himself on the bed.

“It’s too early, why is it so loud in here?” a grumbly voice came from the other bed.

“Oh my god, Yoongi!” Hoseok screeched, jumping out of his chair. 

Jungkook pulled himself off Taehyung slightly, still holding on to his best friend, but helped him sit up so he could see Yoongi waking up.

“Hoseok? Why are you here? Wait, where is here?” Yoongi asked, finally opening his eyes and looking around the room.

“You had soulmate sickness,” Namjoon explained, then going on to explain how Taehyung was Yoongi’s soulmate and how they found each other.

“So, you’re my soulmate, huh?” Yoongi asked, looking over at the other bed.

Taehyung blushed and nodded. He really couldn’t believe it. Maybe his life really was a Y/N fanfiction.

“So, how exactly did this happen? I thought it was easy to tell when you met your soulmate?” Yoongi questioned. 

“I actually have a theory for that,” Jungkook spoke up, still attached to Taehyung on his bed. “Since Taehyung was already a big fan of Bangtan and of you, Yoongi, when you two met, it didn’t really change much for him.”

“Way to make me sound like a crazed fan, Jungkook,” Taehyung interrupted. 

“I think it’s cute,” Yoongi said. 

Taehyung felt himself blush again. If this is what it was going to be like when he was around Yoongi, his face was going to be permanently red for the rest of his life. But, maybe he was okay with that.

“But what about Yoongi?” Namjoon asked.

“I actually had some trouble with that,” Jungkook replied. “Once I realized it was probably Yoongi, I went back and looked at videos from the fan meet. When Yoongi first saw Taehyung, Namjoon came up behind him and said something, so I guess in all the excitement of the day and whatever was said, you must not have registered the feeling, Yoongi.”

“So this is all your fault, Namjoon,” Hoseok teased, lightly slapping the other boy on the shoulder. Namjoon looked at his hands sheepishly.

“It’s okay, Joonie,” Yoongi reassured. “It’s all okay now, and I have my soulmate, and we’re all going to be okay now.”

Yoongi reached across the bed for Taehyung’s hand, which he gratefully took.

“I’m going to go get the doctor,” Namjoon said, standing up. “She said to let her know when you both woke up. Jungkook, Hoseok, why don’t you come with me?”

Jungkook seemed reluctant to leave Taehyung, but he knew Namjoon was trying to give the two new soulmates a few minutes alone to get to know each other. The three made their way out of the room, the door clicking softly shut behind them.

“So, soulmates, huh?” Yoongi spoke first. 

“Looks like it,” Taehyung replied. “I feel really weird since I was a fan before.”

Yoongi hummed in acknowledgment.

“How about we start over?” Yoongi suggested. “I obviously know nothing about you yet, and what you might know about me as a fan doesn’t even scratch the surface of who I am.” 

“How do we do that?” Taehyung asked, confused.

“Hi, my name is Min Yoongi, and it looks like you’re my soulmate,” Yoongi said, pulling his hand away from Taehyung’s, just to lift it, ready to shake the other’s hand.

Taehyung giggled, but shook Yoongi’s hand.

“I’m Kim Taehyung, and you’re my soulmate,” Taehyung replied.

“Nice to meet you, Taehyung,” Yoongi grinned. “Tell me about yourself, soulmate. My life is boring. I’m just a songwriter and rapper, nothing too interesting. I want to hear all about your life.”

Taehyung laughed, heart swooping at the word soulmate. He started telling the other man about his job at the museum and his life, Yoongi listening intently.

Neither knew what would happen once they left the hospital, but they were content to know they had found each other. They survived soulmate sickness; whatever life decided to throw at them next, they knew they could handle it since they had each other.

I had to make the end super cheesy. No other option, sorry. Let me know what you all think!! I spent way too long on this fic, but I’m really happy with it! Also, if you have a prompt for a fic or social media au, let me know! I now have no works in progress, so I’d love to work on something else! :)

[the-starless-sky]

BAE x The Cat’s Whiskers / “PRIDE” voice drama track 1

Mob A: Ahh, that was sooo great! So this is the legendary CLUB paradox's live...!

Mob B: The music was good, but the phantom was amazing, wasn't it!? Aah~ it feels like I'm still in a dream!

Mob C: Hey, which one did you vote for?

Mob D: Honestly, I was so lost! Hey, let's come again next time!

Mob C: For sure! We're not heads if we miss this!

_

Yohei: Seriously! I can't accept this. What's so good about that nothing but loud bunch?

Saimon: A loss is a loss. We have to accept it with our mind and body.

Yohei: Hah. You don't even think so yourself.

Ryuu: Don't fight, Boss, Master!

Yohei: It ain't a fight!

Ryuu: Master~ your face’s scary!

Yohei: Shut up.

Ryuu: And Shiki, too! Don’t be sad and gloomy [1]!

Shiki: S-sorry...

Ryuu: Muu... no helping it. At times like this... that’s right! Calisthenics, Shiki!

Shiki: Eh!?

Ryuu: Let’s go~! 1, 2, 3, 4... Come now, Shiki, you have to twist it more!

Shiki: Ouch, ouch, ouch! I can’t do more than this, Ryuu-kun!

Ryuu: Hmm...~ That’s weird... Hmm... If this joint bent here, then...!

Shiki: Stop it, Ryuu-kun! That’s...!

(Shiki bends one of Ryuu’s joints.)

Shiki: Ahh!

Yohei: Oi, oi, don’t break Shiki!

Saimon: Ryuu, it’s not good to force Shiki. Stop it right there.

Ryuu: Eeh~!? Even though it’d feel good after this...!

(Someone knocks the door.)

Saimon: Who is it? Please come in.

(Door opens.)

Anne: Good day, Saimon-sensei! Tonight, too, you’re extremely cool! You were wonderful~

Saimon: Faulkner-kun! And Sugasano-kun, and Yeon-kun. You guys came.

Allen: Yes. Today, we came as B.A.E. Well... it’s something like a courtesy call...

Hajun: Inspecting enemy movements, you can say.

Yohei: Hah! You said it. And? How was our stage?

Hajun: Fufu. Behind the times, it was.

Yohei: Ha? Oi, say that once again.

Hajun: Sigh... don’t make me say it numerous times. I said that it was behind the times, you guys’ music.

Allen: Wha－Hajun!

Anne: You don’t say that when you come to greet someone.

Hajun: I’ll say it clearly, Saimon-sensei... no, Kotonoha and God summer-san. I heard that Quadra-X [2] was a team that even got invited by an overseas fest, but... that was just a story of the past, after all, huh. How unfortunate.

Yohei: Bastard...! Just ‘cause I let a brat like you talk...

Saimon: Yohei. Indeed, that was in the past. In reality, Quadra-X has broken up, after all. However, now that we’ve reunited, there’s also Ryuu and Shiki. Our will and style towards music haven’t changed, but please understand that we’re already a different team.

Ryuu: Yeah, yeah! After all, there’s Sparkly Ryuu-kun and Gloomy Shiki now!

Shiki: I’m... gloomy...?

Yohei: And? Dissin’ us being stale, what about you guys? Just jumping at trends and thinking of yourselves as cutting-edge... ain’t that just child’s play?

Allen: Huh!? What’s with that!?

Anne: Wh－ Allen, not you too! Stop it.

Yohei: Hah! Not even having your own figure and style... there’s no meaning in doing rootless hip hop. Well-bred young masters and ladies should just sing ballads and get spoiled by others.

Allen: You said ‘style’, but isn’t saying ‘fuck off’ to bothersome stuff like customs, standards, and common sense’s what hip hop is!? We’re just spinning the sound we think is cool. The vibes that exists here and now... if you can express it, no matter how it is, we don’t care. We’ll just swallow it, drain it, and make it our sound!

Hajun: You say good things sometimes too, don’t you, Allen. If you only adhere to your own style, losing sight of discourses [3] and fear change and evolution, that’s just fossil music. It’s better to put it in a museum, is it not?

Saimon: Good grief... this is pretty harsh. They’ve got us there, didn’t they, Yohei?

Yohei: Tch.

Anne: Jeez... Both Allen and Hajun is so immature.

Ryuu: Sniff, sniff, sniff!

Anne: Ah.

Ryuu: Hmm~? Mm~? Sniff, sniff.

Anne: Whー what!?

Shiki: R-Ryuu-kun! It’s impolite to suddenly smell people like that!

Ryuu: Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff! You with long hair, and you with spiky red hair...

Allen: Wh-what?

Ryuu: You guys have the same smell.

Allen: Ahh, that’s Anne’s perfume. He always uses so much it’sー

Anne: Grr!

(Anne punches Allen.)

Allen: It hurts!!! Suddenly punching me like that...! I’m against violence!

Anne: It’s because you’re saying rude stuff.

Ryuu: Sniff, sniff... But, you with mushroom head...

Hajun: Hm? What is it?

Ryuu: You’re being left out, aren’t you.

Hajun: Ha?

Ryuu: Ahh, but it’s not like you’re being bullied or anything. The one who left you out... is yourself, after all.

Hajun: What are you sayingー

Ryuu: Sniffsniffsniffsniffsniff!

Hajun: Oof! Could you please get away from me? You’re a bit close...

Ryuu: Sniff, sniff, sniff... That’s weird... I can’t smell ‘true scent’ coming from you.

Hajun: True scent...?

Ryuu: That’s right. You’re always inside a transparent box... Ah! I see! You don’t want to show anyone anything but your ‘clean self’, do you!

Hajun: ...!

Ryuu: Aha! You’re like a mushroom stuffed in packaging! Ahahaha, ehehehe!

Shiki: Sorry!! Ryuu-kun’s a somewhat peculiar child, so...

Hajun: Ah, no...

Shiki: Come on, Ryuu-kun. Get away from him...!

Ryuu: I wonder why~? But, if you don’t come out of there yourself... one day, you’ll rot... and become an unneeded child.

Hajun: ...Stop screwing around...

Ryuu: Hmm?

Hajun: Stop screwing around!

Ryuu: Uwooah!?

Yohei: Bastard, what are you doing suddenly!?

Ryuu: Ou-ou-ouch, ouch, ouch...!

Shiki: Are you okay, Ryuu-kun...?

Hajun: You... take back your words just now. [4]

Shiki: Words...? What do you mean?

Hajun: Don’t play dumb!! You said it, didn’t you!? That I’m a... ugh...

Allen: Stop it, Hajun! What are youー

Hajun: Shut up!!!

Allen: Ha... jun...?

Hajun: Damn it!*

Anne: Hajun!

(Hajun walks out, smashes the door close.)

Allen: He’s...

Anne: Yeah... he was seriously angry just now, wasn’t he?

Saimon: I’m sorry. Even though you guys took the time to come, somehow it turned into something serious.

Anne: Saimon-sensei...

Saimon: Don’t worry about us, go and run after him quickly.

Anne: Yes. We’re going, Allen.

Allen: Yeah...

(Allen and Anne leaves.)

(Ryuu’s stomach growls.)

Ryuu: Aa~aah, Ryuu-kun’s hungry! Heey, let’s eat Raimen-tei’s char siu ramen without the noodles and go home!

Yohei: This one’s carefree, huh? Oi, Ryuu.

Ryuu: Huh?

Yohei: What did you say to him just then?

_

(Tinging sound of ice in a glass.)

Saimon: Sigh. “Behind the times”... we just received quite a severe preemptive punch, didn’t we.

Yohei: Shit... ‘cause of that, I can’t get drunk at all.

(Yohei pours more drink into his glass.)

Saimon: It’s better to stop there. Trap reactions get more intense if you drink heavily, after all.

Yohei: I know.

Saimon: Shiki... has started, hasn’t he.

Yohei: Yeah. I laid him on the bed at the second floor. Ryuu’s more or less looking after him, but... Honestly, I can’t stand seeing Shiki’s ‘that’.

Saimon: Trap reaction... I wonder, just what is it that Shiki’s fighting?

Yohei: That kinda thing... nobody would want to let anyone touch the wounds in the deepest part of themselves.

Saimon: Yeah... but...

Yohei: Even so, Shiki chose the path to do it [5] with us. It’s his own resolution.

Saimon: Yeah.

Yohei: All of us is like that. If we use our metals, one day we might lose everything and die. Even so, if we don’t do it, we’ll die. Haha, jeez, what unfortunate livin’ beings. [6]

_

Shiki: Ah, ah...!! Ahh!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry...!! Aah...!! AAAH...!!!

Ryuu: Shiki, today too you seem in max pain...~ ‘Til how many hours left will this continue?

Shiki: Ah... it’s my fault, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...!!

(Shiki clutches Ryuu’s hand.)

Ryuu: O-o-ouch!! If you grip Ryuu-kun’s hand with such monstrous strength, it’ll fall off!!!

Shiki: Ah...! Ryuu-kun...?

Ryuu: Oh!! You noticed!

Shiki: Ah... I-I’m sorry... I, again... When I saw the nightmare... did you keep holding my hand?

Ryuu: Yeah~! If not, Shiki’ll scream out ‘waah, waah!’ after all~

Shiki: Sorry... I’m always troubling you, don’t I?

Ryuu: It’s okay, ‘cause it’s interesting!

Shiki: Huh? Interesting?

Ryuu: After all, no matter how much Ryuu-kun uses his medal, he’s never had trap reaction, right?

Shiki: You have special constitution, after all. Honestly, I’m a bit jealous...

Ryuu: It’s boring.

Shiki: Eh?

Ryuu: After all, Ryuu-kun’s the only one left out.

Shiki: Ah... that’s not...

Ryuu: Sometimes, Ryuu-kun thinks... not having a trap reaction definitely means I couldn’t build a connection with anyone.

Shiki: Ryuu-kun...

Ryuu: Ah! You still have a fever? You do, right!?

Shiki: Ah, yeah...

Ryuu: Then, here!

Shiki: Ah!! What is it!?

Ryuu: A live octopus! If you put it on your forehead, it’s cold and feels good, right!?

Shiki: W-woah... it felt like it moved just now...!?

Ryuu: Yeah, it’s still alive, after all.

Shiki: Alive...!? Gross, take it off me quickly...!! A-ah, it hurts!

Ryuu: That’s no good, no good! You have to put it on your forehead, or your fever won’t go down~! Even though I bought it for you...

Shiki: But...!! It smells fishy... and it’s slimy... it’s gross...!!

Ryuu: Do your best, Octopus!! Such out Shiki’s fever!! If you can’t do it, I’ll eat you~!! Oh, I’ll still eat you even if you could, though, ahahaha!!

Shiki: Uhh... sobs...

_

(Yohei plays “Faith” intro on the piano.)

Saimon: That song... in the past, Tsubaki used to play it there a lot, didn’t she?

Yohei: Yeah... for some reason, I wanted to play it in a while.

Saimon: What do you think of B.A.E?

Yohei: They’re cheeky brats.

Saimon: Haha. But when I see them, somehow I’m reminded of the past.

Yohei: Pft.

Saimon: Yohei, Tsubaki, and I... that time when we were young, fearless, and just rushed towards our ideal music.

Yohei: Well, that young lady’s a nice woman. 

(Yohei plays “Faith” intro again.)

Yohei: She’s kinda similar to Tsubaki-san, isn’t she? Their appearance’s entirely different, but like... the atmosphere, you know.

Saimon: That’s... true. But, Faulkner-kun’s not a woman, you know?

(Yohei stops playing the piano.)

Yohei: Eh...? He’s... a man?

Saimon: Fufu. Did I disappoint you?

Yohei: No way. As long as I have hip hop, it’s enough.

Saimon: Connecting people with music... do you think we can do that?

Yohei: We have no other choice, for that person who fell midway in chasing after her dream... [7] that’s the only atonement we, the people left behind, could ever do.

Saimon: Atonement... huh. I’m glad you’re here, Yohei.

Yohei: Huh?

Saimon: After I lost Tsubaki and ran to university, Yohei, you stayed in this shop and played the piano whilst waiting for me.

Yohei: It’s just that unlike you, I don’t have anywhere else to go to.

Saimon: Thank you, for doing music with me.

Yohei: W-what are you saying, after such a long time!? Disgusting!

Saimon: That’s my true feelings, though.

Yohei: Plus, there’s Ryuu and Shiki now. Quadra-X’s broke up already. The Cat’s Whiskers are us nowー

Ryuu: Hey, hey!!! Do we have a takoyaki maker!?

Yohei: Are you stupid? We’re a jazz bar! There’s no way we have that in hereー

Saimon: We do.

Yohei: We do!?

Ryuu: Yaaaaay!!! Well then, after Shiki’s fever go down and Boss and Master’s trap reaction ends, let’s have a takoyaki party!! Takoyaki party!!

Yohei: Pft. So bothersome.

Saimon: Haha.

Ryuu: Delicious takoyaki made together with everyone ♪ Run after it ‘till the ends of the takoyaki galaxy, with an aftertaste  ♪ Crunchy outside, and fluffy inside, and steam coming out of your mouth  ♪ Yeah, it’s done! ♪

Notes

[1] Jimejime also means damp and humid.

[2] クアドラエックス (kuadora ekkusu) - Quadra-X seems to be Yohei and Saimon (and probably also Tsubaki’s) unit in the past. I don’t know the stylization though, so I just go by what I think it is.

[3] Honestly not so sure what he meant, but probably it’s like not wanting to question tradition and stuff like that?

[4] Hajun’s always using the proper and formal ‘anata’, but here he uses the informal and pretty rude ‘omae’!!

[5] ‘Do it’, as in form a unit and perform with a phantometal.

[6] Inga na ikimon - as in living creatures with unfortunate fate/destiny.

[7] Yohei actually didn’t specify who (he just said ‘that person’ and ‘in the middle of dream’), but from the flow of the conversation, feels like it can’t be anyone else but Tsubaki...

*Thank you @spooderhearts22 for the input! 

[1800-love-me]

athena's K-pop rants- continued

⚠️⚠️ WARNING: Long ass rants ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Its Sunday and Athena sees no point in not taking the time out of their day to address shit that either concerns or pisses her off 🙏

domestic fans: have you not had enough?

its hilarious, to a degree, how easy it is to piss off even a portion of Korean fans. obviously this has nothing to do with GENUINE cultural difference (between Korea and the rest of the world ofc) or idols  (any celeb included) fucking up massively. drugs and bullying are two issues that are taken very seriously in Korea as compared to the west.

now, putting aside genuine shit that idols need to stop doing knowing their target audience, comes the silly bs. 

dating??? since the beginning of K-pop these idols are viewed as pieces of meat and that they always have to be single, for their fans. honestly thinking (as an i-fan) i do find it a bit hard to get accustomed to a very famous idol dating. its not that i want to date an idol or find it easier to support someone who is publicly single, but K-pop has definitely changed the way I see very public figures dating. its not something that is anywhere near normalized or even considered decent by some companies, let alone fans. the way some fans treat idols that date or even so much so as go drinking with their female friends somewhere really makes me question how people still even want to become idols.

dating allegations? honestly as long as these two people are in a healthy, legal, and happy relationship, should we care? especially when it comes to senior idols, i can’t help but not give a flying fuck. i can’t even pin it on fans of a certain age range because there are older people who should know better and do better in terms of how they associate themselves with their idols. 75% of international fans really don’t care (maybe it is because we are truly international and they feel unreachable LMFAO), but I’m not very sure that even a quarter of that amount of k-fans feel the same. maybe these genuine fans are just off the grid and aren’t as loud as these toxic ones. its truly disheartening that AYNONE feels they need to give an apology or break up because they’re in love????

especially lately i see so many k-nctzens hating on nct in any way they can. suddenly y’all wanna exist and make your presence known?? is it not enough that you hate on the foreign neos and leave wayv out of the equation. (honestly I’m starting to think leaving them out must be better than dealing with the bs the others have to deal with). hating on hyuck because of a “dating allegation”??? do we really trust all kpop out of anyone?? LIKE PLS OVER FOLLOWING THEIR VLIVE, SUPPOSEDLY HAVING MATCHING ITEMS....are we fr? dragging in most of dream, must be fun too, right? its unlikely that he would date rn, but if he is are you going to avoid him and stop supporting him? was he only your idol because he was single and it made it easier to stan him?

disclaimer of whatever: obv not every k-fan is like this. a shit load of i-fans do similar shit and aren’t innocent. but i can still speak on what i choose to, so lol fuck these mfs who do this shit regardless of where they live or are from.

Itzy’s (Mafia) In the Morning controversy??

this is much lighter than the last section LMFAO, but still I went /?&&7t5^*? when some people found a problem with the song or the MV. I’m not Italian or from wherever mafias exist, so I’m not familiar with these criminals aside from stereotypes/media/history. In the Morning, if you are unaware, is JYPE’s female rookie group Itzy’s latest comeback. Some people saw the mention of mafia and immediately found a problem with it. Mafias are very strangely romanticized which is just very 🤨.

The funniest thing is that this comeback is based on the popular Korean game, Mafia. You sit/stand in a group, some are selected to be citizens/mafia/doctor/cop, you get the gist. Mafia chooses who to k word, doctors are supposed to heal who is k worded, cops are supposed to catch the mafias, and citizens are innocent. 

The twist in their song is that instead of k wording people violently they k word people when they fall in love w them?? (it feels insane explaining this PLS) 

Anyways, mafias are not a new theme in entertainment. Like, at all. Some people really hated on them for this which made me feel like I was in a fever (by Enhypen) dream. 

☆- Anyways on to the most important bullet point: some people really disliked this song which is so weird. To each their own, but if you dress them up so beautifully and give Yuna and Lia such bomb ass lines HOW CAN I HATE IT?? Plus, they NEVER disappoint with choreo and stage presence.

[randomoranges]

good god almighty. here is part 4. somehow longer than the other parts. somehow with more Emotions. i decided to not be vague and call the spades spades. this one is more nsfw because of things étienne mentions. 

again, minor character death and lots of introspection ha ha .

ive been working on the beast for like almost a month now. part 5 aint even done. im so glad i hacked it up in the end. 

PART IV

“The 60s were good with that – for forgetting and moving on. There was – or seemed to be this renewed sense of freedom, as if the people were finding their true purpose in the city. A great big curtain was being pulled back and we were given the opportunity to redefine ourselves. It felt like hope, in a way and with the distance put with the church, I felt I could breathe a little more and I was able to find myself. By the time Expo rolled around, it gave me purpose – something to do. The energy in the city was astounding. The projects people were coming up with – the possibilities they were unveiling – I had never felt something like that. I thought for sure this energy would see us through the next one hundred years; we’d be feeding off of it and returning to it for years to come. It would be our source of creation. Everyone seemed to be excited; the world was literally in our backyard and it felt good to bask in the attention.”

 It made sense for Étienne to have Expo, considering how good he was at catering to others – at giving them the good time they wanted. He thrived in giant crowds and lived for the attention. Plus, at the time, Montreal really did feel as though it was the center of Canada. It still felt like an other-worldly experience and there were still times when Edward wasn’t convinced Expo hadn’t been one massive hallucination. And he’d only been a small part of it, unlike Étienne who had lived every stage of it.

 “With the change of decade, going into the 70s, I expected much of the same – moving forward, the endless possibilities of the future and such. For the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to having more time – to being immortal and being able to experience every change. To make new connections. Expand and broaden the horizons and such.”

 “And then it all went to shit, starting with the October crisis. There was a lot that happened in the 70’s and not everything was bad, but for me, personally, it was a series of euphoric highs and devastating lows. In the same breath of the Crisis there would be a Cup win, then there was the Exodus, the language debacles and it never seemed to end. Up and down and up and down. One giant roller coaster that never gave me a chance to catch my breath. It was hard to feel anything let alone make it constant. It took a toll – added up and left me reeling in ways I had never thought possible. I couldn’t finish celebrating the Cup that I would get notified that something terrible had just happened. I would be relishing in disco and there’d be a murder. It was too fucking much. I couldn’t take it anymore. Everything I had worked so hard to build was slowly being torn from my hands and what was left didn’t seem to matter enough. The proverbial carpet had been yanked from under my feet and no matter how many times I tried to get up, I just kept falling and falling and falling... there was no end in sight.”

 Their correspondence at that time had petered off, somewhat. They’d both ended up in unpleasant situations and the last thing Edward had wanted to do was to take a pen and write to his friend to let him know how miserable he was. There’d been times when he’d wondered if his friend hadn’t found out about his fate and had left him for dead as well and it had only been later – much later – that he’d found out through Étienne exactly why he hadn’t written as often, if at all, for a few years.

 “I’m not exactly proud of what I ended up doing, but it seemed like the right solution at the time. I was a mess. I needed help but I didn’t realise it and I wasn’t sure there even was such help for such a lost cause. Working the streets and the clubs were as much self-punishment as they were the only place I felt I could succeed. It was easy to spread my legs to let some random guy fuck me in an alley. It was easy to pretend to be someone else. It was easy to get down on my knees and suck them off. It was easy to let others use me as they wanted and write it off as being unworthy of anything else. This was where I belonged – with the outcasts and the has beens.”

 There’s a shuddering breath that’s released and Edward has no idea if it’s his or Étienne’s. He’s astounded his boyfriend is willingly talking of this chapter of his life. It had taken years for Étienne to even speak of it to him and the confession had been a quiet halting thing that had taken him a while to piece together.

 Yet, despite finding out, it hadn’t changed Edward’s opinion of him. If anything, he had found Étienne brave and courageous for telling him about it and his heart had ached for him even more. Étienne was worthy. Étienne wasn’t a failure and he succeeded at so many other wonderful things. In his opinion, he was still as relevant as before and had never been an outcast or a has been. He was still a leader and trail blazer in his own right, even if Étienne himself didn’t always realise it.

 “When they gave me the Olympics,” Étienne goes on, once more showing that he is brave and more than the terrible things that he had gone through, “I hoped this would be the shot I needed – that it would be as wonderful as Expo had. If anything, it would be on a smaller scale than Expo. It would be a piece of cake, I figured. At least, they’d given me the Olympics in a timely way and not last minute. Therefore, there would be no excuses to fail. but for as much as Expo felt like a fever dream doused with magic, the Olympics were harder to get going. There were so many things that went wrong. So many strikes. So much corruption. The magic was gone. It was the opposite of what I needed and it just drove me further down my own spiral.

 “So I went for the drugs and the sex. One made me feel when I was numb, one numbed everything when I felt too much. And the sex was as much a means to an end as what seemed to be the only thing I could properly deliver. So I stuck to it. Went in and out of these phases. Went on the biggest of benders, woke up in places I had no recollection of going to and such. Drove Élyse nuts. But it didn’t matter to me; I’d still be alive, so who cared what I put myself through?”

 Edward wants to say that there were many who cared, but he knows that it would fall on deaf ears. He gets what Étienne means by it, but it still hurts him that his boyfriend had had to go through all of this. He gives his hand another squeeze and if anything, Étienne offers him a small smile, acknowledging the gesture.

 “I was all over the place and when I finally met Koffey, shortly after the Olympics, it was quite by accident and he took me by surprise.”

 “Everything about our relationship was different than the others I’d been in up until then. For starters, it didn’t happen the way the others had. It wasn’t the usual meet, sex and eventually develop feelings. He’d been living in the city for a few years when we met. He’d immigrated here, in search for a new adventure – ahead of the wave that would come later on. He’d decided to open up a restaurant, bringing us the local flavors of his own country. I stumbled there, quite by accident and I was most likely high and not even fully coherent. To be honest, I can’t even say I remember that day; he’s the one who told me later on.”

 “I ended up returning. Later. On a better day.  I think I was convinced it was my first time here, but Koffey was a little wary of seeing me again. Apparently, I had been a little rowdy on my first visit... Yet, he still gave me a chance and was still very polite while he served me, if a little guarded. I felt bad, so I returned and the more I went back, the more I was drawn – by him, his cuisine, and his quiet sense of humour and intelligence.”

 “He eventually realised I wasn’t a complete asshole and he’d start coming to talk to me when the restaurant was quiet. He was – a breath of fresh air, really and at the time the one good thing I had going on. It felt like being thrown a lifeboat – something to hang on to while I tried not to drown – by my thoughts, my life, the shit-show burning around me. A beacon of hope and light I clung to desperately.”

 “I honestly didn’t even think Koffey was interested in men. It surprised me, when one day, I hung around until the restaurant closed. I waited for him out in the back, not wanting to go home just yet. I also didn’t think going home just yet would be wise. I was still all over the place and I knew that if I went home I’d end up using or doing something even stupider. Having a friend helped keeping my thoughts on track. Koffey, without knowing what was going on in my head, helped keep my mind quiet. I wanted to know more about him and his life, so I focused on that. Anyways, it’d been a quiet night and we’d been having a grand old time chatting. I thought maybe we could walk around and bum out in a park. Summer was starting to settle in for good and it was a perfect night out. Warm and this side of humid, with a gentle breeze to make it pleasant.”

 Edward has his own thoughts and ideas about the description of the weather, but he schools his face in a neutral expression and listens on.

 “He was surprised to see me out back, but pleased and we picked up our conversation from where we’d left off. We ended up taking the long way back to his. I didn’t mind having to walk back to mine after and the extra detour would do me some good. However, he invited me in for a beer and I obviously said yes. He was my friend, after all and the thought of a cold beer to end the night sounded great.”

 “We must have spent a few more hours drinking beer and talking and somewhere along the line, he leaned in and kissed me. Completely unprompted. I was shocked and surprised and at first he thought I wasn’t interested, since I hadn’t kissed him back. He must have apologised at least a dozen times. It was quite funny, really. I’d keep trying to tell him that it was fine, but he wouldn’t listen. And the more he went on, the more afraid he was that I’d do something to him – which was quite sobering, let me tell you. I finally took matters in my own hands and kissed him myself. We’d been hanging around together for months, by then and had I known, I would have put a move on him sooner, maybe. The kiss finally got him to stop apologising and for a moment after that all we did was make-out on his couch like all the terrible clichés in movies.” He laughs at that, fond, as he twiddles with an unlit cigarette. “It was so different, though – soft and tender. Nicholas had been very forward with his kissing that first time. I knew we would end up in his bed the moment he kissed me, whereas with Koffey – it almost felt hesitant and cautious and I thought that was lovely.”

 “He still asked afterwards if I was that way, which I thought was both endearing and silly – considering I had just kissed him and wouldn’t have minded him kissing him some more. I assured him that I was and to prove my point, I kissed him again. I recall teasing him about it later, asking him if he needed another kiss to be sure I was into men. He thought I was being ridiculous, which was saying something.”

 There’s a gentle, soft smile that graces Étienne’s features, not for the first time during their talk, and Edward wonders what memories his boyfriend is reliving – what images his brain has conjured for him to revisit. He’s glad, though, that despite the heartache that Étienne still has fond memories of Koffey to go back to.

 “I wasn’t in love with him – not at that point, but I was certainly drawn to him. He was – beautiful. On the outside as much as on the inside; a gentle soul, really. I would have willingly gone to bed with him that night, but he insisted we wait a little and take things slow. This had never really happened and even though I was a little annoyed, I didn’t push the issue and floated back home after one last kiss.”

 “He actually – I swear, the next time I went to see him, he actually asked me out on a proper date. He was too much! And I couldn’t believe that a man like Koffey, sweet and gentle and kind, would want to date me who felt broken and used and soiled in so many ways. But he saw beyond that and insisted we go on a proper date before we went to bed together and so I said yes; because I did really want him and I loved his company.”

 “Our first date was nothing extraordinary, but it was nice – to be taken out – to feel as though I was worthy of someone’s attention and affection again. It was almost as good as a high. He took me out to dinner and then insisted we go to a movie and he was so gallant about the whole thing. He paid for the meal and for the ticket and don’t ask me how the movie ended, because halfway through we started making-out in the back and before the movie ended we left to go back to his.”

 “Koffey was – so very sweet to me. Our first time together felt like something out of a romance movie. There was no frenetic urgency to it. It wasn’t just sex because he wanted a fast way to get to his release. He made love to me. Me! It boggled my mind. He kissed and caressed every bit of me that felt broken and used. It was – wonderful and too much and I tried changing the pace to something that felt less consuming ‘cause I couldn’t handle so much love being given to me, but he kept on finding ways to make it less about the sex and more about us and I couldn’t take it. I eventually broke down in tears.”

 “And get this – he thought he, of all people, had done something wrong to me – that he’d hurt me in some way. I came clean to him. Told him everything. As much as I could. The drugs, the streets – the fall from grace. Every last ugly truth came out as he held me in his arms and made sure I understood I was someone worthy of love again. I felt stupid for breaking down and felt even worse for needing him to comfort me. And despite that, there were still things I couldn’t tell him. He tried asking about what was bothering me – because he could tell. Even when I lied – he could always tell when there was more – when everything in my head was too loud, but it was hard to explain. I couldn’t just say oh by the way, I’m semi-immortal and I represent a city. Yeah, fucked up I know, but I swear that’s not the acid talking.”

 “It wasn’t stupid,” Edward breaks. He knows Étienne is in a better place now, but he also knows his boyfriend is still prone to great bouts of self-doubt that do more harm than good to him. He’d hate to think that Étienne still feels that way.

 “I know,” Étienne responds quickly. Edward wonders if he isn’t deflecting, but he figures Étienne’s heart has been scorched raw enough for the day that he can let it slide for this time.

 “You’ve always been worthy of love,” He adds softly and Étienne stills for a moment.

 “I know.” He says again, but it sounds different this time around; a little more vulnerable and fragile. Edward wants to gather him in his own arms and hold him tightly, but instead he keeps hold of his hand and lets Étienne carry on with his story.

 “I made it up to him, later, once the storm had passed. I didn’t want him to think that I would be some emotional weight to him. He’d wanted sex so I made sure to deliver. He was still very sweet and loving with me and I tried to ignore it. I focused on making it good for him so that he wouldn’t toss me to the side and in my mind it worked. Yet, thinking back, there were still times when I felt like he was onto me. Like he knew when I was faking it for both our benefits, but he let me be.”

 “Still, for as much as Koffey was good for me and to me, he wasn’t a cure to all my problems. It would’ve been too easy. He helped – more than he probably ever realised, but I was still reckless and I still fluctuated. Bad days and worse days. On those, he’d simply hold me in his arms and let me cry in them.

Sometimes there’d be an okay day. He made it tolerable. To be alive. Made the sharp edges rounder. Made me feel like I could hang on another day. And there were those times when I felt like I genuinely wanted to be around – for him. I wanted to take him somewhere or kiss him again. I wanted to tell him some funny story I had heard or simply go to bed with him one more time. So I stuck it out and tried to survive.”

 “He was so kind and patient with me. He loved me, despite what I was and how I was. He loved me even when I couldn’t love myself. God, I never deserved him. He was too good for me and to me. And somehow, I repaid his kindness by making him sick and killing him!”

 “You don’t know that for sure.” Edward replies quickly, without thinking.

 He remembers the visit. Remembers finding out about the real significance of Koffey. Of going over to visit Étienne and finding him distraught and broken hearted. Of Étienne bringing him to the cemetery. The breakdown and the tears. The trembling murmured admissions of guilt. The dawning connection he’d made.

 Edward had been in his own headspace at the time and their correspondence had petered out, hence his grasp of Koffey’s role in Étienne’s life had been lacking in some regards. But standing by that grave, with his friend opening up about him and telling him what had happened had marked Edward.

 “I may as well have, Edward.” Étienne snaps. He lights up the cigarette he’d been previously playing with and takes a long drag from it. “He died and it was all my fault. I couldn’t even – I wasn’t even there when he died. I was too afraid. And ashamed. I was a coward. He’d chosen me and I may as well have tossed him out.” He flicks the ash with more force than necessary and when Edward spares him a glance, he sees the storm of hate and shame fight in Étienne’s eyes through his unshed tears. “He deserved better – after everything he did for me and I repaid his kindness by being a coward.”

 Edward knows that there’s no sense in telling Étienne that it’s not his fault. His boyfriend will keep berating himself until he runs out of steam and he supposes that it’s best to let him be and wait it out. Yet, it doesn’t sit well with him to have Étienne react this way. Sure, he could have been responsible for Koffey getting sick, but at the same time, there was no actual proof. He hates that it still eats Étienne alive and part of him wants to take him by the shoulders, shake him, and tell him to convince himself otherwise. Especially if it’ll help him move on. But – he’s known Étienne for too long and knows that such actions will do him no good.

 Instead, he waits and starts to itch for a cigarette of his own. He settles instead for a deep breath and then another. He thinks back to his own response to the crises. To the way he’d taken action. The misery and heartache he’d seen and lived. The friends he’d lost. The ones he’d buried. He thinks of running to Montreal to get away from it all and leaning on Étienne for a chance to forget and leave it all behind. There’s an irony here he still hasn’t fully grasped but it’s a reflection for a different day. There’s already enough that’s been looked over for one day.

 “I don’t think he would have wanted you to beat yourself over it,” He offers instead. Étienne sniffs loudly and doesn’t give him an answer. Instead, he remains quiet, fighting with his own demons.

 “You never did tell me why you called him Koffey,” Edward tries again, minutes later, when he feels that the mood has shifted once more and that Étienne has calmed down some. Perhaps this approach will work better, he thinks.

 Étienne sniffles and rubs at his eyes, “Oh,” He starts and a small smile deigns to make an appearance on his face, which Edward is thankful for. “Apparently, his regular customers used to call him that. He thought it was hysterical and he never really liked his own name. I never questioned it beyond that and it stuck.”

 Étienne grows silent after that and turns reflective. Even Mercury seems to sense the shift in mood and nuzzles her way up to his arms for cuddles. The distraction serves its purpose and Étienne focuses on her for a while, caressing her fur and scratching her behind the ears, which she seems to enjoy, if Edward is to judge by the wagging of her tail. He watches and lets them be for a while, glad the dog can help where he can’t.

 “You would’ve liked him,” Étienne quietly says after a while. He’s not looking at him, hands still buried deep in Mercury’s dark coat, but Edward doesn’t mind.

 “I’m sure I would have – he sounds like a great guy.”

 “The greatest.”

 Not for the first time, Edward wonders if Étienne’s feelings hadn’t become tainted with guilt over the years. He doesn’t question Étienne’s love for Koffey, but he wonders if the circumstances of his death haven’t left a lasting grip on him that wouldn’t have otherwise been there if the man had died of natural causes at a ripe old age. The wounds are still too raw and fresh to ask, so he lets the matter rest and figures that there will be other occasions to ask.

 They fall silent after that, both lost again in their own thoughts. He hears the occasional snuffle from Mercury and sends out a silent prayer of thanks to whatever higher power there might be out there for her presence in Étienne’s life. In the few years Étienne has had her, he already sees the difference and impact she’s made in his life.

 Eventually, Mercury settles back on Étienne’s side and his friend leaves a hand around her neck, absent-mindedly stroking her dark coat, while he reaches out for Edward’s own hand with his other. Edward is a little surprised, but he doesn’t mind and let’s Étienne play with his fingers. He traces the lines on his hand with the edge of a nail and draws loops with it afterwards. Edward watches the movement carefully with his eyes and finds it oddly grounding in a way. He hadn’t realised he’d felt a little unmoored by these tales and he wonders, not for the first time, just how attuned to him Étienne really is.

 They settle around each other, the breeze gently ruffling their hair and Edward takes a deep breath to process some of what he’s just heard.

 “And shortly after Koffey died, while I was still mourning him and hating myself for everything I had done, you came along at both the best and worst moment of my life.”

--

Part III Part V

[prettyoddfever]

Ryan Ross & Adam Duritz

“I look up to people like Adam Duritz and Stephan Jenkins, people who write stories. I think that’s a lot more fascinating.” – Ryan Ross to The Daily Telegraph in 2006. 

“We’d love to work with Adam Duritz from Counting Crows.” – Brendon to Entertainment Weekly in 2006

“Adam Duritz  from the Counting Crows is a great songwriter. I don’t have the illusion I can compare with [him] ever.” – Ryan Ross to a Dutch magazine in 2008

One of the first covers Panic! at the Disco incorporated into their early 2006 shows was Round Here by the Counting Crows. Spencer, Brendon, & Ryan all talked about how much they loved Adam Duritz and were inspired in various ways by his work, but Ryan was the one who formed a connection with him through songwriting.

In spring 2007 Adam Duritz (the lead singer & songwriter for Counting Crows) started a webzine to talk about his favorite books, movies, music, etc. In the very first issue/post he got on a tangent that involved a whole lot of Panic! at the Disco appreciation... and it was amazing because he actually understood them. So many other bands & journalists at the time were hating on P!ATD or not really getting the band even if their comments were positive. Here are some highlights from one of Adam’s posts:

...I don’t know why I didn’t mention this before but, if you’re not a fanatic Panic! At The Disco fan, you could also just go buy yourself a regular old copy of A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out. It really is a very good album, I love it. My friend Omar raved about the band to me so I went out and bought the album. Sometimes I have no patience with “styles” of music. I get really annoyed by “scenes”.

Music is much more involved with our lifestyle choices than movies or books or other art forms. We define ourselves by the music we listen to. We feel cool (and I include myself in this as much as anyone else) because we listen to music that other cool people, or simply people we respect, listen to. The problem with that is that it makes music “scenes” very untrustworthy and often filled with bands who write songs at about the same quality level as a good functional pile of shit, They generally happen because one brilliant band comes along and does something amazing (see The Police-Outlandos D’Amour (stay tuned next issue for my thoughts on all The Police digipak remastered re-issues), Miles Davis-Bitches Brew, Nirvana-Nevermind) and then a million other bands come along and produce rack after rack of record store space filled with what is basically expensive disc-shaped fertilizer and, in some cases, a huge up swell in the sale of flannel shirts and Doc Martens (see 90% of the rest of reggae rock, jazz fusion, and grunge). I love great songwriters. I love great records. I just don’t trust “scenes”.

... I bought the album with a lot of skepticism. But... I dig it. You will never be able to able to convince me that Ryan Ross doesn’t mean the words he writes deeply and, in Brendon Urie, he’s found a perfect voice to express those feelings. On top of that, the band can flat out play. A lot of bands today can barely manage to properly adjust their guitar straps, but I’ve seen Panic! play live and they either have the most creative background tapes and are the best lip synchers in history or they are simply a very very good live band ( I was a little turned off by the stage show when it first started. It’s a bit of a circus, after all, but all I realized after a few songs was that if “Moulin Rouge” had starred and been directed by Panic! At The Disco, I probably would have liked the movie and I wouldn’t have walked out in the middle like I did. Plus, I just love the lines: “We’re just a wet dream for the webzines, Make us hit make us hip make a scene, Or shrug us off your shoulders, Don’t approve a single word that we wrote.”  It both recognizes the existence AND makes fun of the whole idea of their “scene” while also honestly admitting to the desperate desire all of us have to “make it”. It’s also simultaneously a plea for recognition AND a giant “fuck you!” to the idea of the need for critic’s validation AT THE SAME TIME! That’s quite a bit of writing and they make it sound like the joyous celebration of their situation that it damn well should be. And then the next time the chorus comes around, it’s proceeded by this middle 8: “Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of a) indifference or b) disinterest in what the critics say.” Which is really fucking funny, especially when that sunny chorus breaks through the clouds of that middle 8 forecast about 7 seconds later. Of course, none of this even takes into account the fact that this is all taking place in a song entitled “London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines”. Now that is fucking funny. Between that one and other songs like “Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off”, “The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage”, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”, and “There’s a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought of It Yet”, this may be the best and funniest collection of song titles ever. I’ve had people tell me that annoys them. I can’t see why. I ask them and they inevitably say something stupid like “I don’t know, it’s just a little too clever for me” which makes me really want to look at them and say “Yes. It certainly is.”

Way too many reviews totally failed to recognize any of the brilliant layers of inspiration & insight in P!ATD’s songs. So the fact that one of Ryan’s idols totally got what he was doing was really fun to see. Adam even said in a separate post that he considered Ryan a peer. And then later on Adam thanked Ryan in the liner notes for the Counting Crows album that was released on the same day as Pretty. Odd. by saying “and Ryan Ross for...well, just a lot."

update: it makes more sense to stick this info here than in another post: Adam went backstage to the band’s dressing room after a NYC show in 2006 to say hi :)

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