#honestly I think naming who might spoil things this point but I will say: trans man protagonist

[sugarcoatednightshade]

EVERYONE! IF YOU HAVENT SEEN KAOS (netflix 2024) I STRONGLY RECCOMEND YOU DO SO NOW!!! I REALLY THINK TUMBLR WOULD LOVE THIS ONE!

[the-ghost-king]

You know how everyone has at least one minor rrverse character with no significance but they're you're favorite? Okay Mitchell from the Aphrodite Cabin is one of mine...

Make him Italian, probably Southern Italian I like to imagine his family immigrated from the Florentine area

Trans masc

At first he thinks he's just a gnc trans guy but after he starts medical transition he realizes he's nonbinary

Uses he/they pronouns generally

But when people he's close to talk about or to him and they're using nouns to describe him they use female gendered nouns (ex: daughter, lady, girl, etc), and yes these are a part of his gender expression

Also the type of person to hyphenate their deadname with their original middle name as their new middle name

They definitely are the type of person too who just invites invasive and awkward questions (as long as they're being asked in good faith) for educational purposes, and he'll give you the most derailed answer if that's what you want

Also he might be femme but he's not weak and he will beat you up if you're just being unnecessarily transphobic

His dad is a high quality fashion designer and because of this Mitchell is kind of spoiled (okay very spoiled) about clothes, always having high thread count clothes and also personally tailored pieces

They've got some casual plans to take over their dad's business but he thinks that he wants to expand it out into a more affordable fashion market for the average person (they like affordable and sustainable fashion too! The artistic pieces are nice but it's not a long-term sustainable business model!)

He personally dresses very camp, even the cishets look at him and go "oh he's you know... _/‾"

They love a good suit, very gender to him

Him, Nico, and Chiara all getting together to talk in Italian; and have culturefests or something

Watching Italian films, and TV shows, updating Nico on modern Italian culture, etc

Bi or Pan, but doesn't really feel the need to label himself, usually just says multisexual or mspec unless someone doesn't know what that means

His attraction to women is gay, his attraction to nonbinary people is gay, his attraction to men is gay... If you can't handle that you're not their target audience

Idk how old they are but Rick's timeline is fake and so are ages then, so him and Austin are dating

Very cute couple, very casual dynamic, probably have won "cutest couple award" or something at some point

Definitely went to all their high school dances together

Their favorite color... Probably green or pink... Yellow is also a good option

Mitchell probably wears glasses for the "aesthetic" but has worse vision with them on

Would not put it past him to be a social media influencer but have a secret Twitter account for BL

He definitely reads GL too

Very into anime, jdrama, and manga, likes manhwa and kdrama and any other variation of those things

Yeah probably kpop too

They probably like stuff like "My First First Love" and "Cherry Magic!" etc

First anime was probably one of the ones everyone seems to start with so maybe "Your Lie in April" or "Ouran High school Host Club"... His all time favorite is probably "Given"

First Manga... Probably "Orange" or something unexpected like "Black Butler"

He's definitely the person who introduces Nico to anime and such... The whole thing just sort of confuses Nico but he likes a couple of them, "Death Note" and some other psychological or horror type stuff

Definitely has some talent when it comes to hair styling, lots of people at camp are always going to him for haircuts and styles so he starts charging $2 or something for it and basically has a summer job at camp

He lives in the New York area year round (honestly, he probably goes home on the weekends sometimes from summer camp and goes to camp for the weekends sometimes in the school year)

Because of how close he is to camp other people in the area will often call him to do their hair and makeup for homecoming/prom/etc and he always agrees unless he's visiting family in Italy or he's touring with his dad

Likes to chill with Austin at the infirmary, partially to hang out but also probably because that's one of the few places in camp that has air conditioning

Will is always getting after him for sitting on the counters, something about it being unsanitary but they don't think it should matter as long as they're not in any of the operating rooms

Austin likes him too much to tell him no but yeah it's not sanitary, but to Austin the choice is a sanitary counter or a happy and comfortable boyfriend... He's picking happy boyfriend

Also Mitchell is very supportive of Austin's music career and always trying to convince Austin to let them use tracks of his music on the runways at their dad's shows

But Austin always says no because he wants to "make it big on his own" which Mitchell thinks is a bit silly but if it's what Austin wants he'll support it

Mitchell is super into camp's drama, they don't do anything with the information or all the secrets they just like knowing all of it

If you ask them to keep a secret they absolutely will

But that embarrassing story about you that went around camp five years ago that you lowkey wish everyone would just stop talking about, he's the one that keeps restarting the cycle

He babbles to Nico all the time about all the ongoings of camp because Nico is also good at keeping his mouth shut, but Nico doesn't care about the drama for the same reasons though (Nico: "Hold on, back up, you said Drew knows Sadie Kane? Interesting..." Mitchell:"okay Mr. Ominous, and also yeah, I did say that, so anyhow... ")

Very artistic person in general, he can probably play the piano okay, he's no professional and no Apollo kid but he can play some songs, and they have enough practice to learn new songs on their own!!

Definitely was voted by camp to have the worst taste in music though

Says his favorite movie is probably "Bring It On" or "Heathers" of something similar, but his actual favorite film is one of those cliche silent black and white ones that's only available in French

They definitely did dance for a few years growing up, has a ballet, tap, and hip hope background to work with but he left it behind when we was 13 or so but eventually they start to get back into hip hop and keep up with various types and lessons and places through their 20s

He's always the person to start groupchats

They think they're fun but they rarely take off without prompting from him

Also often times plays matchmaker for people ("they would be a cute couple wouldn't they? I don't know though, does she like girls? I think so?")

Those are just some ideas off the top of my head, hopefully you enjoy!

[malewife-darkling]

Evil Father Darkling headcanons?

So, this is assuming that Alina still grows up thinking she's an orphan as per callstolike's post

The fact that he is both Her Dad tm and Hundreds of years older than her is definitely used against Alina.

Like, "little girl", "young lady", "*miss* Alina" - all his favorite names to call her.

I feel like any Dad Darkling's attempt at parenting is him trying to heal the inner child that was hurt by Baghra. Especially Show Darkling, who when we meet him in canon obviously despises her. I like to think that he would train Alina to use her powers personally. And like, he would definitely push her to her limits, but he would also give her lots of praise. And he definitely would NOT hit her. (If he got her when she was a younger child he would probably ruin her by spoiling her rotten. Just turn her into an absolute bratty monster)

There is definitely a turf war over Alina between Baghra and Aleksander, but the Darkling has the upper hand bc he'd actually be nice yknow? I could see Baghra being nice to try and manipulate Alina to her side but honestly i think she would be worse at it than him.

The Darkling definitely tries to make her hang out with David, bc David is his Son tm and it's only right for his daughter and son to interact. I could even see him trying to encourage a relationship between David and Alina, just for getting David both as like, an Official Son, and getting that much more power over Alina by having her be with someone who is very much in the Darkling's kefta pocket. (Literally everyone but the Darkling thinks this is a bad idea, for the record. David is still clearly in love w Genya)

Zoya would deeply despise Alina like in canon, bc what is this New Girl that is taking all of Darkling's attention (no it doesn't matter that she's literally his daughter), and she'd be dropped by him in a heartbeat. Ivan would try to be nicer than he is in canon, but I imagine Alina still kind of hates him. She also doesn't understand why he's being nice to her until someone (Genya) points out "Alina he's literally dating your dad"

Alina and Fedyor adore each other. He definitely takes on a more Dad role than in canon, and I could see her being almost as close to him, or maybe even closer to him, than she is to the Darkling.

There is no way Alina would call Darkling "Dad" right away and this fact crushes him.

Alina: I mean, Mr Kirigan. Mr General Kirigan sir. Isn't there something else I could call you than... Dad? Like for now?

Darkling, holding back tears: How about P-Papa?

Alina:

Darkling, sobbing into his soup: They took you from me before you could even call me Papa, Alina

Now, the thing about Mal:

On the one hand, he fucking hates him. He is non-Grisha, he’s like dust to them, and also Mal hates Grisha and I cannot imagine him standing for his Little Girl having to deal w that 

And yet, Darkling knows the pain of having a parent push away and forbid a love interest. 

So on the one hand, he might outright forbid her from seeing Mal... but on the other hand,  I could see him allowing her to see him, but assuming they will fail bc Mal hates Grisha, and Mal is a mayfly compared to Alina. And she’ll love her Dearest Papa all the more for allowing her this choice 

So, w the way this au is structured, it would work best w Cis Darkling, just so the pregnancy would be able to be an accidental one off thing, so Alina would be able to grow up thinking she's an orphan when her mom dies

But if this was trans Dad Darkling, there are a few spicy possibilities:

I can't see him ever willingly carrying a baby to term himself, bc it would leave him way too vulnerable. Like, I could possible see him willing to as part of some Grand Design for Grisha Good (a Noble Sacrifice, if u will) but not until Grisha are safer

So, this would have to be a very planned pregnancy. Im thinking he could do something with merzost to create the equivalent of a magical bone marrow pregnancy. He either Loves This Person Very Much or this Mom is a Very Powerful Grisha)

But during her pregnancy, two things could happen: either the mom is kidnapped... or the mom runs away. Im leaning towards runs away, for the drama of it all. Maybe something like in canon, where Baghra gives the mom cold feet (reveals the darkling's past, reveals his plans for her child), and so Mom flees to the middle of nowhere (maybe she stays in Ravka bc she figures Darkling will think she fled him for Shu Han?)

Trans Darkling would also use the fact that Baghra is transphobic towards him to his favor. "You know that she likes to lie about me, to spread such nasty rumors about me Alina. You have to take what she says with a grain of salt"

"Baghra humiliated me in front of everyone at the last winter fete, do you really think she's above using her own granddaughter to hurt her son?"

Dad Darkling would still want to use the stag on her, but I can see him bringing up the idea early on. Especially since in this au he’s her mentor-dad, so having a strong, capable Grisha guiding her power would make a lot of sense to her. He could even have her think she was agreeing to it of her own volition.

Or he could even float his idea of using the fold as a weapon to her, and get her in on his plan. He would spin some lie about his wife being kidnapped by Fjerdans or Shu (or maybe he himself thinks she was kidnapped and didn’t leave of her own volition) 

------------------

Anyways thats my thoughts on this au for now. I probably have more. Thank u anon this was so much fun to answer 

[luuxxart]

THIS IS ME ASKING FOR YOUR FERDITHEABERT HEADCANONS I didn't even know how badly I needed this ot3!!

THABK YOU FOR ENABLIGN ME

SO MUCH under the cut

I’m gonna go with individual ships first and then branch into ferditheabert that way it’s easier to sort of chronicle ???

Also someone remind me to write a fic one day im literally going to go through an entire plotline over here sndmdkdkdkd

Pre-Timeskip Ferdithea

I think this one would be the one that would happen first

I’m a whore for canon so everything definitely happens according to the supports imo

Ferdinand sort of just goes with the flow and is nice to everyone but anyone with eyes can see he’s madly in love with Dorothea

Just absolutely head over heels like

“If you asked me to jump off a bridge right now I would go do it” kind of head over heels madly in love

Dorothea is aware but is trying very hard not to be

She doesn’t really get it because she’s still under the impression he was gawking at her in the fountain and suddenly feels guilty about it now that they’re pretty much on the same pedestal

And as Dorothea navigates how she feels about Ferdinand and his adoration of her, she turns to Hubert’s relationship with Edelgard

Pre-Timeskip Huberthea

Dorothea pesters Hubert endlessly about his feelings for Edelgard

Knowing that his feelings for her aren’t romantic is relieving, but she’s not sure why

Especially because this now makes Ferdinand’s doting on her even more confusing

So she hangs around Hubert, much to his annoyance, to see what fuels his drive for Edelgard

She ends up doing a few tasks with him like buying some Bergamot, polishing axes, and eventually uh

They touch hands

While harvesting some Noa Fruit

And the ensuing weekend dinner with the Professor becomes all the more awkward because of course the Professor is playing matchmaker after noticing the time they’ve been spending together

Then one day Dorothea notices Hubert drinking coffee and is like

Holy shit that stuff we used to drink to stay up for five fucking acts of an opera how do you drink that

But he makes a bombass brew and suddenly the caffeine addiction is back

They don’t really talk about the almost-touches and the wistful talks about romance that don’t really go anywhere

But Dorothea manages to convince Hubert to do some things for himself (like planting coffee beans in the greenhouse and like vent)

And Hubert’s errands for Edelgard takes Dorothea’s mind off the stress of finding a suitor

Because devotion to someone or something is ,,, honestly a lot more important than money

And holy shit maybe there’s something to Ferdinand’s actions?????

Oh well better ignore it for now

Pre-Timeskip Ferdibert

But this is where it gets cOMPLICATED folks

Hubert is VERY aware that what he has with Dorothea is bordering romantic but he’s trying to push that down a because he feels like he doesn’t deserve someone who could be as devoted to him as he is to them

He’s ALSO trying to push down his feelings for Ferdinand mostly because he knows that Ferdinand is currently pursuing Dorothea

So Hubert is caught in the middle between the two

If at all, he tries to focus a little more on his attraction to Ferdinand because he understands that Dorothea is currently not interested in either one of them

(or else she would’ve said something, right????)

Also, due to Ferdinand being heir apparent to the prime ministry, Hubert has an excuse to keep watch over him

I mean

What can I say except Hubert is morosexual

He wants someone to fix/take care of and currently Dorothea is not exhibiting that need

Ferdinand tho? dude would literally lose his head if it weren’t attached to his neck

Eventually Hubert draws up a proposal to have a double prime ministry so that he can overlook Ferdinand’s actions in the future

He ends up tucking the draft into a drawer, but the idea tends to sit at the tip of his tongue every time he sees Ferdinand

He’s afraid Ferdinand will see it for what it is

A proposal proposal

And that’s exactly what it is

And he (no thoughts) talks to Dorothea about it and she (head empty) encourages him to propose it at the dance

Pre-Timeskip Goddess Tower

so after presumably edelethy actions have happened and the goddess tower becomes unoccupied,

Hubert asks Ferdinand to accompany him up to the tower for the government proposal™️

Ferdinand doesn’t suspect anything

But then they get up there and Dorothea is there, waiting to pour her heart out to Hubert because she realizes if she doesn’t nip it in the bud, she’ll never have a devoted suitor (and also she still doesn’t realize that this is a proposal proposal)

So then it basically becomes that spiderman meme with all the spidermen pointing at each other because they all have dumb stupid crushes on each other

Problem is they’re all young and dumb and they don’t know how to sort it out so they just don’t and leave

Post-Timeskip Ferdithea

So war happens and everyone’s pretty distant from each other

Then the Professor comes back and is extremely upset to see all the rifts between everyone

So everyone kind of tries

But that’s hard because it’s been five years and the rifts are now pretty much ravines

Ferdinand finally gets the nerve up to talk to Dorothea again because he’s at his breaking point

He can’t stand not talking to either of them and Dorothea’s more open to talking

Their A support happens and Dorothea finally understands why Ferdinand did the things he did

ONLY PROBLEM IS

NOW HUBERT/EDELGARD IS VERY CONFUSING AGAIN

Post-Timeskip Huberthea

So Dorothea finally confronts Hubert again and asks him again if he truly loves Edelgard

He decidedly does not

He also decidedly does not want to speak to Dorothea after the Goddess Tower Incident

Dorothea begs him to at least speak to Ferdinand

Hubert considers this

Post-Timeskip Ferdibert

Meanwhile, Ferdinand is mending the bridge between himself and Hubert

They have their A+ Support

They start doing missions together

And after Hubert protects Ferdinand from a close call with a Faerghus fusillade, Ferdinand starts to see what Dorothea saw in Hubert

Uh the devotion that is

Now Ferdiberthea :)

So have i said devotion enough yet? Because that’s the name of the game

And Dorothea fuckiNg misses Hubert

and Ferdinand is pretty much spending all his time with Hubert so Dorothea ends up missing him a lot too

(Also at this point both Ferdithea/ferdibert have become an unspoken thing around Garreg Mach and everyone is VERY confused)

(Except the Professor who is watching their matchmaking attempts come to fruition)

So anyway Dorothea has Edelgard arrange for her to go on the next mission with Hubert and Ferdinand

And OOPS ITS WINTER AND THEY ALL GET STRANDED IN A SMALL TOWN WITH ONLY A ONE BED ROOM OPEN AT AN INN

it’s a king size don’t worry

They just have to get used to each other’s company for a long Pegasus Moon

Ferdinand catches onto the coldness between Hubert and Dorothea so he tries to find situations to get them alone together

So after a couple of those moments, Hubert and Dorothea have a colder version of their A support out in the small town market

There’s some crying, some consoling, and a passionate makeout back at the inn followed by Ferdinand reaping the spoils by joining in

When they get back to Garreg Mach, they become an impervious wall of magic and equestrian fighting

They also become an impervious wall of love and devotion

Miscellaneous headcanons

Ferdinand always sleeps in the middle just because Hubert and Dorothea can be all over each other one minute, and suddenly need space the next

It’s not that they don’t like each other, they’re just both A LOT sometimes

Dorothea and Hubert often stay up longer than Ferdinand because they are very avid coffee drinkers

They double team carrying him back to the bedroom if he ends up nodding off at a late night war meeting

One thing to keep in mind is that I also headcanon Hubert as trans

And so he has met Dorothea at an opera in person before Garreg Mach, she just doesn’t recognize him, and he’s gonna let it stay that way

But it was with her that he was introduced to coffee, which sort of helped him through Edelgard’s disappearance (if you count staying up until the crack of dawn to plan ways to rescue her as “help”)

Hubert will never admit that he’s sick because he is devoted to his royal duties

so Dorothea and Ferdinand take turns staying with him to make sure he doesn’t move and fulfilling his duties in his absence

Ferdinand is still very fuCking reckless and hes even more reckless in war so it takes both dark knight!Hubert and gremory!Dorothea (riding on Hubert’s horse usually) to keep great knight!Ferdinand in check

Were you also disappointed that Dorothea wasn’t a theater/opera kid meme? Me too.

Anyway she is. And so is Ferdinand. So they convert Hubert into operakidism and then proceed to annoy the rest of the black eagles endlessly with opera songs and dance numbers

Listen, if u haven’t seen the Manuela/Ferdinand supports,,, like

Manuela is an enabler of the opera kids just saying

also it is no secret that Ferdinand is a horse girl and he ends up turning the other two into horse girls as well and eventually the rest of the black eagles have to ban horses from conversation entirely

Pegasi were already banned from conversation because of Hubert

Eventually the three get married and have a couple kids by mage

They take an annual winter vacation in a small town to rekindle any sparks they might lose in the stress of governance

[the-shadow-master]

                           TWO PARTS OF THE SAME SOUL

A very Jily fanfiction

*

"Padfoot, this is honestly such a terrible idea," James said, with a slight hint of a smile of affection towards his best friend.

"Oh, you noticed?" Remus impatiently asked, rolling his eyes. "I should be working on my Transfiguration homework instead of doing... Well, this."

"I should be working on my anything instead of doing this," James sighed, feeling exhausted and too sleepy to even exist. The only positive thing about Padfoot's idea that James could see at this moment, was the following: Lily Evans on the other side of the room, the most beautiful girl James has ever seen, with her hair tied up in a messy bun, and almond-shaped, bright green eyes that narrowed due to concentration and strong determination. The left corner of her lips twisted into a smile, and James felt his heart skipping a beat. She is so beautiful, he thought desperately. How am I even supposed to focus, when she's standing right there, bewitching me, enchanting me, making me fall in love with her, over and over again?

"For the sake of Merlin's shiny and gorgeous beard, Marauders, stop being such party breakers, that is not what you are made for! This is fun! Come on, look at me again!" Sirius snapped, then pulled out his own wand. He thought about hugging Remus, James, and Peter, he remembered their laugh. Sirius thought about the enthralling, gawky smile of his younger brother. Then he smiled, and exclaimed: Expecto Patronum!

There it was: playful, enormous, magnificent, shiny - a dog. Everyone in the room stopped doing what they were doing, in order to see his Patronus running across the Common Room. Sirius felt as if he was going to cry, he was so touched. I might still possess emotions, regardless of what my mother says, he thought, feeling a lump in his throat.

"He is beautiful, Padfoot," Remus said, with a gentle, calming touch in his voice. And oh boy, how much Sirius needed to hear these exact words! 

"Bloody show-off, that's what you are," James muttered to himself.

Sirius smiled even brighter. "Thank you, Moony. And shut up Prongs! Let's see yours now. Let's see everyone's! If I can do it, so can all of you! I promise."

That was easier said than done. They were all trying so hard. A whole bunch of them spent several hours after midnight, right there in warm and cozy Common Room, in an effort to make Sirius proud of them. Just a group of fifteen-year-olds, attempting to produce magic far beyond their ability. Sirius always had ideas that couldn't come true easily.

James looked around the Common Room. Marlene McKinnon was staring daggers into Sirius, far too angry to cast any Charm, let alone to produce a Patronus, while Mary Macdonald's face became tomato red. Alice Fortescue and Frank Longbottom stopped pretending they were participating an hour ago, and they just sat in one armchair, holding hands and talking casually. Peter and Remus were cheering for each other, but James suddenly forgot what he was even doing.

Lily Evans turned around, like she managed to feel his eyes on her. "What's the matter, Potter?” she arched an eyebrow. “Too afraid to try?"

"No.", James replied sharply. She raised both of her eyebrows, and James blushed. "Are you?"

"Of course not," Lily answered, suddenly looking angry. She is so beautiful when she was angry, James thought. And when she is happy. And sad. And sleepy...

"Why don't you do it, then?" James asked, with a smile on his face. Lily frowned. And she is also beautiful when she is frowning, James added.

"Very well, then," Lily finally said. "But I'm warning you - I think I got the hang of this."

"Consider me warned," James winked, and she sighed conciliatory. Then she bit her lip, trying to focus. James felt his heart skipping a beat yet again. He couldn't help it. She wasn't just beautiful, she was also funny, and kind, and smart. She was amazing! And James? He was absolutely in love with her. He was in love with her from the moment he figured out what being in love means. Maybe even longer - he just wasn't aware of that fact before.

Lily seemed as if she wasn't there with all of them. And in her mind, she wasn't. A very pleasant memory came across her mind and managed to surprise her. Remembering it, Lily felt as if she was flying, far, far away. The thing that crossed her mind happened during the summer. It was an extremely warm, sunny day, and she inexplicably ran into James Potter himself. She was shocked, and all she wanted to do is to run away, but what he was doing was so odd that she couldn't help but come closer. He was on his knees, holding a handful of hazelnuts. As she was approaching, she noticed that they are the same color as his eyes. She swallowed hard and painfully because her tongue proved to be useless. She felt mesmerized. James Potter has incredible eyes, she suddenly thought. Who knew?

Before she ran away as far as possible from there, she gathered all her courage and cleared her throat. "Hello, Potter. What are you doing?"

The effect was momentary. James winced, and then he pointed dazed look straight into her. He seemed overwhelmed with shock. Lily glanced at him, struggling with feelings she didn't even know she was capable of feeling, let alone capable of recognizing them. Really amazing eyes, indeed, she thought.

"Evans!" he shouted. "Wow! I mean... It's so good to see y... How are you?"

"I'm good, thank you.", Lily kindly said. "And you?"

"Nice. Good. Yeah.", James seemed as confused as Lily felt. For several moments, the silence was awkward, and they just stood there, looking at each other as if they were seeing each other for the first time in their lives.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," Lily said.

"Frighten? Me? No. I'm not frightened," he replied. His voice was thin and squeaky. It was so awkward.

"You didn't tell me what you were doing," Lily finally said.

"Oh!" James shouted once more. "Well, Evans, I'm trying to lure a squirrel."

"Why?" Lily demanded to know. Really, why? Of all the things James Potter could possibly be doing... Like, what the heck?

"Have you ever touched a squirrel?" James answered her question with a question.

"Well... No," Lily gave him a puzzled reply. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"That's why you're asking. Squirrels are amazing! They are so cute and tiny and..." he suddenly stopped talking. She was looking at him with a smile, and she was sure that's what confused him. But she couldn't help it. It was her first time seeing him so excited over small things, and he was too adorable! She didn't even know he could ever be like that. All she ever knew about him was that he was a spoiled brat and an extremely arrogant and selfish young man. But, as it turned out, James Potter was also capable of being adorable and cute. Adorable cutie with amazing eyes, Lily thought. Who knew?

"Anyways..." James shyly said. "This little fella who is hiding in the bushes came straight into my palm in order to take some hazelnuts. Then he scared himself away, or I scared him off, I have no idea. I'm trying to make him come back."

"Oh," Lily said. James Potter and a squirrel. And exactly when she thought this day couldn't become any more weirder. "That's actually... Kind of adorable."

"You think?" he said absently: "Am I adorable, or the squirrel?"

"Both of you," she heard herself saying before she could stop the words to come out of her mouth.

"Really?" James seemed shocked. So was she. Lily couldn't believe she had said that! She felt extreme heat in her cheeks, filled with shame. She really managed to make a fool of herself! But then, James added: "People were calling me all sorts of names, but never have they called me adorable. I feel flattered, Lily, thank you."

Lily smiled. "Well... You're welcome."

"Do you want to try?", James asked suddenly.

"What? To feed the squirrel?" Lily nervously asked. "Why would I want to try?"

"Because it's fun. Wait a minute... Are you afraid of squirrels?", James seemed astonished.

"No!" Lily exclaimed, too little too fast. "I just... I don't know. I've never been close to one."

"They say there's a first time for everything," James winked at her.

"Who says that?", Lily derisively replied.

"I have no idea. But come here."

James lay down on his stomach, and Lily caught herself doing the exact same thing as he was doing. His shoulder was touching hers. She turned her face towards him. His face was so close, and she moved her sight across it, absorbing every detail: his hazelnut eyes, lips that seemed to be very soft, his messy hair... He looked at her as if he could peek right into her soul. She couldn't even describe to herself how he made her feel. But she had to admit one thing: James Potter was really handsome.

He blinked, just like he was waking up from some kind of trans, and then he gently took her hand, placed one hazelnut onto her palm, withdrew her hand forward, and whispered: "Try not to move. Be very, very still."

It seemed like they were waiting for hours, but it was very pleasant waiting in silence with James Potter. It was surprisingly pleasant just being here with him, and quiet. Then, their patience paid off. Little squirrel carefully came to them. The little one was really careful and worried, but in the end, it jumped onto her palm, grabbed the hazelnut, and then run away, back into the bushes. Lily was stunned. Her eyes were wide open, and she suddenly realized she was biting her lip. What she didn't realize, was that James Potter didn't even take a look at the squirrel. He looked straight into her, completely hypnotized.

"That...Was... Amazing!" Lily exclaimed, and rolled herself onto her back. She was laughing so much. "It's too adorable to even exist!"

"Told you so," James shrugged. "Hey, Evans?"

"Yes?", she replied cautiously. Now what?

James reached out for his backpack and opened it. "I picked up this one for my mother. Surprisingly, she absolutely adores lilies. I wanted to give this to her, but... Here, I want you to have it."

He took out a lily flower out of his backpack and gave it to her. She instinctively took it, too surprised to even think about it. The flower was so beautiful. It was big, red and with a white rim.

"It's beautiful. Thank you," Lily said.

"My mother always says all lilies are beautiful.", James replied, then cautiously added. "And I agree."

Lily smirked. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

They both giggled.

*

And that's what came onto Lily's mind when she pointed her wand in an imaginary spot and  said with strong determination: Expecto Patronum!

Her lips separated in surprise when a graceful and beautiful doe jumped from the top of her wand and started galloping across the Common Room. Lily was extremely touched and looked at her Patronus with a lot of gentle affection. Everyone gathered to look at it. Even Alice and Frank stopped doing what they were doing in order to admire Lily's Patronus. She smiled proudly. And then, out of the blue, James said, looking agitated: "You think that was awesome? I can do it as well."

"Then do it," Lily impatiently replied, feeling annoyed because he interrupted her. "Don't just stand there talking about it."

"I will do it, Evans," James said. He stood there beside her, frowned at her, and then decided to focus. James gathered every atom of his strength and determination. He let his mind wander, and the same memory came to him. He held onto the same event as Lily, only he remembered it differently. He caught himself thinking about her green eyes, looking into him as if they are capable of seeing his very soul. He remembered her laugh, gentle touch of her shoulder, and the way her hair spread across the grass when she rolled herself onto her back. He remembered her gaze, as she reached to take a lily flower from him, while rays of sunshine gently caressed her face. All he could remember is her. And he smiled. Expecto Patronum!

And there it was. Shiny and enormous, looking strong, wild and proud – a deer!

The whole Common Room went silent. It seemed like no one even breathed or blinked. A doe... And a deer.

Lily and James looked at each other, and a deer caught up with a doe way above all of them. At that moment, no one existed in this world, no one but the two of them. They both seemed shocked more than ever. But there was something else they finally realized. There was something more.

"James," she mumbled, confused, at the same time when he whispered: "Lily."

"Oh, wow.", Sirius suddenly said. "This became awkward."

"Shut it, Black," Marlene suddenly said: "This is adorable!"

"Adorable, for sure," Sirius confirmed. "And still awkward. But you all have one thing to admit."

“Now what?" Remus asked, staring into two Patronuses with a smirk on his face.

"I. AM. A. BLOODY. GENIUS!" Sirius enthusiastically exclaimed.

Lily and James didn't hear a thing. They were ignorant of their surroundings. The only thing they were doing was staring into each other's eyes, too fascinated to look away. And the world was silent and empty. Nothing was really present, besides one thing. In Lily's mind, the only existing and real thing in this world was James Potter. And in his mind... The only existing and real thing in this world was Lily Evans.

[radioromantic-moved]

i lied i’ve got thoughts again. these are always long but this one’s Long long since i infodumped for a couple of paragraphs in the middle because i deal with emotions through lengthy rants.

-LOVED fern creature. easily one of my favorite parts of the ep. i especially love that we launched into that right off the bat with no preamble.

-hartro’s good with disguises huh? good with costumes? good with...acting?

-s3 ending leaked. the main cast forms their own traveling theater production. i am speaking that into reality the way i did with enola’s return and hartro’s redemption. merediths if you can give me one thing let it be this

-i badly want to make a joke about helen’s “it’s very tasteful. there’s ferns.”

-me when someone asks me if stellar firma season 3 is any good. is that anything

-something something trexel spiral avatar something something they like ferns

-HARTRO’S RED LINE CONSPIRACY BOARD...you iconic little fucking gayperson i adore you. mwah. 

-okay i am thinking so much about trexel’s protagonist complex both on a meta level and a canon level. i mean on the canon level it’s just kinda sad the way most trexel stuff is. feels very emblematic of how he genuinely really needs people to pay attention to him whether it’s good or bad and it’s just now sinking in that part of that might be because of the parental neglect shit shit shit

-but on a meta level it’s even better. i was actually thinking about this in regards to tma the other day when i was reading the summary of it on the rq website. and so as not to spoil anything it obv just talks about jon trying to get the archives in order and having paranormal experiences, which is so much funnier in context when you know that. from the standpoint we’re at now it feels like that was an entirely different show. which is where we’re going with sf too i think, but the craziest part of that is that going in most people (me included) didn’t even expect david to be the main character. in the summary you’ve got “trexel geistman and his assistant.” if you count the teaser as canon content, he’s technically the first character we hear speak. not even touching on the aerith and bob situation (sidenote he’s definitely trans because only trexel would name himself trexel). then there’s the plot itself, which david and hartro lampshade point blank, and even call it “the plot.” this started as goofy planet-designing adventures and now it’s a socialist clone uprising, with briefs and submissions as the comic relief. and trexel’s not good at consultancy, and i’m pretty sure he knows that at some level, but he knows where he stands with it, and as long as he keeps doing what he’s doing at least he’s not gonna be the one getting hurt. but he’s terrible with change, and would rather stick where he is even if it’s worse for him (david’s place...f). he doesn’t have ideas for this, people keep leaving him out, and he’s becoming -gasp- a deuteragonist. maybe it’s giving him too much credit to say he knows that something big’s going on and he’s not at the center of it, but i just know that learning to be sidelined (or even, wonder of wonders, finding a way to Help?) could be good for him if he wasn’t such a FUCKING ASSHOLE.

-honestly though i really love the trope of “person who’s tried their entire life to be special is wholly unremarkable” paired with “chosen one who would do anything to not be the chosen one.” wait a second that’s oren and dario in scream all night huh.

-TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE.

-they/he david rights!!! but also :( because david is having to put himself down again. fuck you trexel!! be nicer to your only friend!!

-imogen snark is music to my ears. i love her i love her i love her

-wait we get a SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION for SWOLE CLONES??? THAT’S what we’re choosing to delve into? this sounds like i’m criticizing it which i’m not, i actually think that’s hilarious and i LOVE ridiculous scientific explanations of things so actually this might be my favorite part of the episode.

-no this episode’s genuinely given me a lot to think about but i think i’m gonna relisten to it in a little while when my emotions aren’t all fucked up. everyone is such DORKS and i love them (i love david and hartro and imogen. trexel’s on thin ice. i still haven’t forgiven him for threatening to leak everyone’s secrets because of his existential crisis.)

[the-bjd-community-confess]

DoA megapost (22 confessions)

Mod: So https://true-bjd-confessions.tumblr.com/post/189300138511/mod-due-to-excessive-offtopic-arguing-in-the

All you guys’ pending DoA confessions presented in no specific order, before we move into the hold, as announced above.

To be clear: I think this is a feature DoA should have yesterday. It’s completely inappropriate to force people to use deadnames and names which are related to traumatic life experiences, or be banned. 

However, *weary sigh, gesturing at the multiple 70+ reply confessions on this topic* people told me they were finding the rapidly escalating discussion to be upsetting and offputting, and that’s not my goal for this blog. ❤️

1.

I am exceptionally weary of all the DoA hate over the person who got banned over making a new account after not being allowed to change their user name. DoA isn’t the only doll forum out there. If you don’t like their rules, don’t join. I for one find their rules about on- and off-topic dolls to be unfair and arbitrary as hell, but in the end it comes down to their house, their rules. Move on.

~Anonymous

2.

Us: Sure would be nice to maybe be able to change your name on DOA.

Some of y’all: Are you asking for anarchy?? If we allow this, what’s next?? A reasonable review of outdated rules??? The rules are there for a reason!!1! The reason may be antiqued because technology has updated and changed since then, meaning there are better solutions available, but it’s still a reason so we DEFINITELY should NEVER change!! Change is too scary for me. :( You’re bullies who want to be special :((( Stop that :(

~Anonymous

3.

I love seeing people get so offended at anon saying “bigots”. How do you know it was about you ? Guilty conscience? DOA could allow name changes if they really wanted to. There are other hobbies where they forbid certain people from entering forums while still allowing name changes. It’s not hard if you really care.      

~Anonymous      

4.

Honestly the way people fall all over themselves to defend DoA against any sort of criticism (regardless of how you personally feel about the validity of said criticism, reader) makes me glad I never got into the community aspect of this hobby. It's just... stressful.          

~Anonymous  

5.

The transphobia in the comments on this blog in particular are so gross. Being a bigot makes your dolls instantly hideous. And no, I’m not saying everyone who is defending DOAs decision is transphobic. I’m talking about the one who thinks trans people transitioning is wrong and their friends. You’re gross and so are your dolls.

~Anonymous  

6.

scammers can & will get around DOA's no name change policy, it's really not that safe. also, DOA isn't the only website which allows the sale of high-value items.

~Anonymous  

7.

First it's "if you want name changes coded in DoA, offer to do it yourself!", then it's "why tf would DoA accept some rando to help code their site?" make up your goddamn mind, your argument is falling apart. 

Also when did this issue become "DoA vs trans people"? Like, I like DoA yet I also recognize it should be more accessible and updated for the modern userbase. I want it to become as good as it can be because I like the community and would hate to see it die out like so many other forum sites do. Yes, it has flaws- and believe me, the folks who get extremely upset about the idea of admitting that embarrass me- but I liked the format since I was new to the hobby. I just wish it was more inclusive!    

~Anonymous    

8.     

girlisav3rb: "this isn't about exclusion or leaving anyone out". Also girlisav3rb: "I'm just kicking your punk ass off [obvious metaphor for DoA]" yyyyiiiiikkkees      

~Anonymous    

9. 

The DOA username debate is really starting to feel like 4 people's personal beefs against each other. It isn't really about dolls and I wish it wasn't dominating all the confessions here. I don't really care about watching pomoaples, pupkinspce, aigisthewlve and tellmeifthursday make fools of themselves daily.        

~Anonymous      

10.

Say it louder for the people in the back: IF YOU INSIST ON NAME CHANGES FOR DOA, THEN VOLUNTEER YOUR CODING EXPERTISE. Don't know how to code and are just squawking about something you can't directly contribute towards? Then shut up or offer up money so the mods can hire a computer programmer to make the changes you're DEMANDING from a FREE service.        

~Anonymous

11.

God it's so painfully obvious to see how many of the people defending DoA on the grounds that name changes would destroy the integrity of the website have never ever worked on or even been part of a forum or really any website of any kind in their lives. Seriously arguing that "the database" would break if you changed a name like?? No??? Have you ever seen a server backend before? You can automate this shit, you know, keep a log of former names, just... it's not some big huge challenge??? 

~Anonymous 

12.           

I don't have a horse in the trans name change race but calling DoA one of the friendlies communities around is abject bullshit lmao. There's not a more elitist, paranoid, abusive community this side of comic books -- but that kind of goes for this hobby as a whole, let's be honest.           

~Anonymous     

13. 

THE RULES ARE IMPORTANT WE CAN't cHANGE THE RULES IT WILL LEAD TO CHAOS IF WE CHANGE ONE RULE WHERE WILL IT END THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!! In my town it used to be THE RULES that POC have to go to separate schools and use separate bathrooms, but sure, the rules are the most important thing, not the people. And before anyone says cOmPaRiNg DoLlS tO rAciSm, 1) shitting on trans people IS a form of prejudice you smoothbrains, and 2) my ass is POC and I call it like I see it. Check yourselves.            

~Anonymous   

14.   

I personally think DOA should just.. go away? It’s been around for years, most people use it as reference rather than a community anymore. Everything is on FaceBook and Instagram now, DOA is pretty much just a glorified Dolly Dictionary at this point. Besides, if they aren’t going to change an Incredibly simple, easy thing to change just to accommodate transitioning people, it’s not the best place to be.

~Anonymous  

15.

I mean about the whole rules is rules is rules thing about doa: the thing is, some rules are there for a reason and obviously do need to be respected whether you agree with them or not, like don’t block fire exits, murder is bad, etc. but some rules eventually become outdated and need to be changed to keep up with society, and that doesn’t make the people pointing out that they need to be changed evil or entitled or spoiled. Imagine if we all still had to drive 10 mph everywhere because when someone pointed out that car technology had improved since 1915 and the speed limit should be increased accordingly everyone had just shouted them down with “BUT TEH RUUULLLEESS!!!” You’d be pretty interested in getting some of this “special treatment” yourself so you could get to work on time, huh?

~Anonymous  

16.

Honestly the easiest solution would be let people change their names only once and have it trackable.. as a trans dude its NOT that deep.     

~Anonymous        

17.

I notice that the unrelenting attacks on DoA are now even using the same phraseology along with the name-calling and implications of sinister motives. These are textbook bullying tactics. Next is the boycott, except that most of these people already say they don’t use the forum because they are just too “21st Century” for it.

Luckily this is just a confession board and no matter how many folks you manage to rile up here, it’s not going to affect DoA. Now, this is why I love DoA–you can’t go on their own site and spew this nonsense. They have Rules. They are Strict. They attempt to avoid drama, especially off-topic drama, and they don’t allow meanness, vulgarity or obscenity. If you’re looking for a pleasant, safe space, it’s your best bet.

~Anonymous

18.

Easy to lay bigotry, laziness, stupidity and worse on DoA mods for not just accepting tales of trauma and pasts to erase.  But the internet has always been full of lies by people trying to get their own way or escape consequences. Not just pro scammers. People who cry things like illness, trauma, disaster, family or pet problems over and over to get sympathy for demands or as all-purpose excuses. Recast ownership lies. People who never got a no before, and don't like being turned down no-how.

~Anonymous

19.

I just realized that no one understands the people saying DOA can allow name changes are the people who have actually modded forums before, most forums unless they’re running a totally outdated system use user id numbers that are linked to display names, which can be changed, and you can write a simple string of simple-baby-code to show old display names on a profile, to explain it in simple terms.   

~Anonymous                    

20.

Honestly I think that the anti-name change people are mostly just shilling for DoA because they can't believe that their precious forum with its volunteer mods could be anything but flawless. Or something like that, given how indignantly these people have *always* reacted to confessions criticizing DoA, even before the trans controversy was a thing. There have definitely been some obvious transphobes as well though, whose bile is really more suited to conservative FB pages or something. Go away!          

~Anonymous

21.   

the DOA mods can obviously change people's usernames because it's 2019 and basically every other site in existence can do it. they might have to change the site slightly to accomplish this. maybe there are reasons for them to choose not to do that, but let's stop pretending it's some technological impossibility.

~Anonymous

22.

How about this: Implement a system on DoA that indentifies users by a unique code and allow users to have a changeable display name. Changing the display name could become a paid feature to pay for the technical changes. Think of a system like discord has. It's a win-win situation. Thoughts?            

~Anonymous

[karnsteinreview]

The Tiger’s Daughter by K. Arsenault Rivera

The Tiger’s Daughter on Goodreads

Release Year: 2017

Format I Read: audiobook

Length: 14h 57m (507 pages)

Genres: High fantasy (east Asian inspired)

LGBT Rep: Lesbian main characters, queer side characters including wlw and at least one trans woman

Spoiler-Free Review: 

If you go into this book, you should definitely go into it expecting a romance rather than a fantasy story with a romance in it. The romance is the focus, the climax, the overall point of the story, and that seems to have taken some of the other people I saw reviewing it by surprise.

The plot and framing device weren’t my favorite and were both somewhat confusing at times, but I didn’t think it bad or uninteresting. Overall, I liked the book, queer representation or otherwise. The fact that the focus was a lesbian relationship definitely elevated it for me in a way that it might not have if it were a heterosexual romance. I probably would have been bored if this wasn’t about lesbians.

Also, I’ve noticed that there is a lot of discussion on goodreads specifically about how the author portrayed East Asian cultures, or rather how she made up cultures heavily based on East Asian cultures. Namely, that she didn’t do a good job of it. I’m white, I can’t really say how the Asian representation is handled and I honestly didn’t notice anything until I saw people pointing it out, so I would suggest reading some of the goodreads reviews from East Asian reviewers. There are a few on the first page of reviews so they shouldn’t be hard to find.

Synopsis: The story is about two women, Shefali and Shizuka. Shefali is from a nomadic horse archer-like society, while Shizuka is the heir to an East Asian inspired empire. The two of them where basically destined to be together since they were born and who the hell are they to defy destiny or whatever you want to call it? The framing device is that they are currently separated for some reason that isn’t initially clear, and Shefali wrote what is essentially a book for Shizuka detailing their entire lives together, starting from when they were kids and up until the present.

Age is something I actually want to note here, because it does start off with them being kids, then teens, then barely adults. There are also stretches of time when they are raised together, but they’re never made out to be “Like Sisters” or described in a familial way by themselves or others, so it didn’t feel weird to me that their relationship eventually became romantic. I also want to note that when their relationship turns sexual, they’re both 16. Just, be aware of that. It’s kind of weird reading that as an adult.

There’s a fair amount of angst throughout the book, and while their relationship never really seems in trouble of falling apart (especially given the framing narrative basically spoiling that they’re both ok and alive in the end) it does have quite a few bumps. Most of them involve actual physical danger to one or both of them. There’s also demons and some soft magic, which is really the only way the fantasy element factors in, other than the fact that it’s a secondary world.

Because the book focuses so heavily on Shefali and Shizuka, the other queer characters don’t get much attention, but there are a handful of others, including a woman who appears to be trans. I thought that all of them were handled well.  

I should also note that this is the first book in a series (I believe a trilogy). The second book is out but the third isn’t yet.

The Good: The relationship never had any kind of internalized homophobia that I could remember. Any outward homophobia was sparse and always came from the Bad Guys. The book never made it feel wrong in any way, and though it felt like there would be some homophobic moralizing from other characters, there really wasn’t. How the book ended was also pretty cute to me, and I can’t really say more than that without spoilers.

What Might Hinder You from Reading It: Though it isn’t the threat of homophobia, there is pretty much constant danger from their relationship. I’d need to spoil the book to explain more, but there’s points where one of them is constantly in fear of physically harming the other, and there’s lot’s a threats and close calls throughout. I can see people not liking that about the relationship, and also that the characters’ flaws aren’t really hidden.  

Would I Recommend It?: Probably… If you specifically asked for a sapphic relationship, I’d probably put this among my recommendations, but if someone just asked for queer fantasy book recommendations, this wouldn’t be one of the first that I mentioned. That’s mostly to do with the plot though, and not because of the queer representation. Also I probably would recommend reading it rather than listening to the audiobook, as I think I might have enjoyed it more that way.

Now for the Spoilers: 

I’m going to talk about the main spoiler that I like and that’s the ending. So there is an honest to god, real actual recognized gay wedding, which I super loved. I should clarify that is WAS a secret wedding, but was then almost immediately revealed in a very public way, so it didn’t remain secret for long. I thought it was adorable, to be honest.

Now the other major spoiler I want to discuss: about halfway through the book Shefali becomes a demon and that’s…a thing. All of the danger that I mentioned before comes from that, and the fact that first they think she’s going to die from demon sickness, then they think she’s going to just start killing everyone, then there are a few points where she does seem to lose control and pose a threat and she’s real angsty about being afraid to hurt Shizuka. I can see a lot of people not liking that.

Also, once Shefali and Shizuka recognize that they’re in love and want to be together, they immediately decide that they have to hide it, that it won’t be acceptable. So you get the impression that there’s going to be a whole lot of homophobia when it gets exposed, but when their marriage gets revealed at the end of the book, the only one that doesn’t accept it is the Bad Guy. I’m not complaining that there isn’t more homophobia, it just felt weird that they felt the need to hide it, but were then immediately accepted by literally everyone. If the plot required their relationship be secret for most of the book, they could have come up with a different reason other than “they’re both girls” if that wasn’t actually an issue. Unnecessary angst over homophobia is unnecessary.

[long-live-the-power---rangers]

First Fight

Hello I am two days late for Power Rangers day but here: have a fic of the first team of my Canon rewrite celebrating their first battle.

(This vaguely adapts Dairanger in that those are more or less the suits they wear.)

Rating: G

Word Count: 925

Read on Ao3: here

Tylon’s laugh is the most beautiful thing Zordon has ever heard, and it almost makes up for his doubts, as the beautiful fatol takes off xir helmet to reveal a bright smile and hair frizzing slightly from its tightly braided wreath around xir head but still beautiful and bright, like the rest of them…

(Okay, he admits it. Zordon might have actually developed a crush on xir. But he can’t just ruin their friendship for this!)

“We just fought off five hundred lorunozet,” xe says. “And I’m not even tired.”

“This is incredible,” Zia adds, green helmet in one hand and magical sword in the other, her face thoughtful but excited. “More than any of our tests.”

“I’ve never felt so sure, in a battle,” Reikan says, helmet off and hugging Zpektar in her excitement, making him drop his red helmet in surprise. Somehow, unlike the rest of them, her hair remains impeccable in a complex series of loops. “Right, Zpektar-u?”

Zpektar nods.

“I’ve never felt so in control,” he says, with that smirk that would look evil on anyone else’s face, but it’s in Zpektar’s golden eyes and on his black-blue face, and Zordon can’t help but smile back, when Zpektar turns to him. “So what do you think, Zordon?”

“Amazing,” he admits. “Pure Power… and pure good.”

“Which is why the stone must have chosen us!” Tylon says. “Because we’re so good.”

Zordon nods, raising his right wrist and reforming his metamorphosis device over the glove.

“Power down,” he says. “And yes. I can’t name better people than the four of you.”

“Hey, don’t forget you’re our leader,” Zpektar says, voice on edge, which Zordon tries to ignore. He knows his friend is ambitious, but he was more than that. “You even have the golden transformation device.”

“We really need to pick a shortened name for these, already,” Zia points out, in true Zia fashion.

“I think Power Braces work,” Reikan says. “But…”

“It doesn’t sound right,” Tylon immediately replies. “Neither does metamorphosis device, transformation device, transformer, trans brace, or any other phrase we’ve found.”

“I guess the words will come,” Zordon says. “Like they always do.”

“But from where?” Zpektar asks, same edge of worry in his tone as Zordon’s own thoughts. Zordon sighs.

“That, I don’t know,” he says, sharing a pointed glance with his best friend. “And it worries me.”

Reikan blinks, twitching her head from side to side and pulling away from Zpektar to shout her own “Power Down” with a dramatic flip and landing, lavender mini-dress lined with Pink replacing her at-the-time silver Ranger suit.

“Are we really worrying on the day of our first victory?” She asks. “Come on! The ship’s got a nice crappy food replicator and I want my shitty and sugarless celebratory cake!”

And she’s off, with Zia not far behind her, the Green Ranger rambling about the readings that the ship had hopefully taken from the battle.

Zordon honestly can’t wait to join her. But he’s not stupid, and he can see Zpektar’s smile slipping from more than just questions about their new Power.

Tylon, obviously also noticing this, walks up to Zordon. Xe whispers a quiet “talk to him, Zordon-u” before following after the others.

The atmosphere drops, in seconds.

“This was the real reason you wanted to fight, isn’t it?” Zordon asks. Zpektar flinches and then sighs.

“I can’t fool you, can I?” He says. “Never could.”

Zordon scoffs.

“No one who knows you could really believe you did this, for power,” he says. “But for this Power…”

“We don’t know what it is,” Zpektar says. “Not even you or Zia-i could figure it out. The only thing left is to tempt whatever gave it to us into revealing themself.”

“And help in the war, while we’re at it,” Zordon says. Zpektar blinks, twitching his head sharply to each side.

“Just because you’re a pacifist doesn’t change the existence of the war, Mister Ka-Zerenon,” he says. “And I asked to be leader to cover you.”

“It’s just easier to play into what people expect of a Black,” Zordon says, repeating their conversation, from a week ago. Zpektar smirks.

“Exactly.”

Zordon smiles.

“You know, it really was amazing,” he says. “This is different than when we trained together.”

Zpektar laughs.

“Spoiled Quokal hasn’t been to war,” he teases. Zordon shrugs.

“Not since we were kids,” he says. “I miss orange.”

“Nobody misses orphanage orange,” Zpektar says, immediately. “Especially not you.”

Zordon smirks.

“It grew on me,” he says.

“Like Tylon-o did?” Zpektar teases.

“Yes,” Zordon says and immediately regrets, as Zpektar laughs and laughs. “I mean, as a friend.”

Zpektar just keeps laughing.

“You are so fucking in love with that fatolo that it hurts,” he says. Zordon glares, without any real malice.

“You’re luck you don’t like people like that,” he says. Zpektar shrugs. “Just makes me more loyal to my friends.”

Loyal to his friends, even when they…

Zordon sighs.

“Zpektar,” he begins. “I want you to know that I’ll always trust you, so please, tell me… do you really want to be leader?”

“No,” Zpektar says immediately, voice and face perfectly sincere.

(Well, to anyone who didn’t know him. Because this is the same face he made when Zordon was given his white clothing, four hundred years ago.)

Zordon smiles.

“Okay,” he says. “Now, let’s go catch up with the others!”

Zpektar laughs and races past him, still in morph.

“Race you!” He says.

Not fair!

Smiling, Zordon chases after him.

He’s the last one there.

(Of course he is.)

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope your day is going well so far!  Congrats on the new sofa, and on getting it up the stairs (did you at any point develop the urge to start shouting “Pivot!  Pivot!” ? XD [Sorry, can’t help myself, it’s where my brain immediately went.])  My home reno I’m currently avoiding is getting my Christmas tree up.  I have managed to get the boxes out of my storage unit to my apartment, and managed to clear a (hopefully) big enough space, but I can only seem to do things in fits and spurts today before either my spoons or my focus give out for a while.

Because I have terrible impulse control, I looked at the family tree despite knowing I’d get spoiled.  (But I mean, knowing where it’ll end up doesn’t mean I know how it’ll get there, so.)  Since I did that on a break at work yesterday, it meant I got to spend a large chunk of my shift alternating between internally ferally screaming over the continuing SPN saga, and internally ferally screaming over the things I’d managed to guess correctly about future chapters and the things I didn’t see coming at all.  Gotta say, it at least helped keep me distracted during a very long, short-staffed shift.  Not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out the letter code in people’s names.  At first I was like, “oh, a middle initial”, then I realized it was the same few letters, and who had what, and felt like an idiot. XD  I noticed there wasn’t a (T) in Isaac’s name, and now I’m curious if he stays human, or you just haven’t added that detail yet.  (Also, Jesus, I both can’t imagine what Chris and Noah might do to Mr. Lahey, and kinda really want to see some epic smackdown at the same time.)  And holy shit, do the boys know the truth about Scott’s parentage?  Because if not that is a massive angst bomb about to drop on the three of them (because of everything that happened with Claudia).  I feel the need for a drink just thinking about it.

Also, that SPN shit is getting wilder by the day.  I think Misha may have put out some sort of video earlier about the reactions and theories, but I haven’t actually watched it to see if it’s shade or towing the party line.  I feel very “I don’t really go here, but I did do a semester abroad here and enjoyed it immensely so now I feel unwillingly invested in the outcome” about the whole thing.  I also really, REALLY want to scream at my friend who also watches about all of it, but she didn’t see the last few episodes, and is militantly anti-spoiler, so I just have to sit here and quietly vibrate with impatience until she some day sees the ending.  (Or someone else spoils it and I don’t have to take the blame. XD )

And I’m really glad you liked the story!  I was kinda worried about that one, so I’m glad its gotten so much love.  Although it’s also kinda funny to me, because it’s the one that’s most likely to cause thoughts like “oh, I could have phrased that better” or “jesus, I’ve got to stop using that word so often” when I read through it.  

So I’ve seen that Doctor Who post you shared, but never that version of it, and I love it because it is completely right about Torchwood, and also leaves out my least favorite character from the summary, who is very much like an older, female version of Scott.  Same tendency towards narcissistic arrogance, and irritating self-righteousness.  I could rant for days about it (don’t worry, I won’t. XD )  Anyway, I was very amused by the whole thing.

I feel like there were other things (there usually are), but I’ve also just remembered that I had dishes sitting in a sink full of water, and I should really probably check on those.  ’>.>  Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better, and I look forward to whatever creative outlet you eventually decide on, because it’ll be great either way.  (And if my brain lets me focus that long I’ll try to come up with some Noah headcanons for your post!)  Take care!  *Hugs to you both!*

Sup B? My day went alright I guess? Said new sofa arrived at 9 am and was big enough to completely block the doorway. And bulky enough and the stairs small enough that getting it up the stairs was a matter of trying to wrestle an object of 86 pounds up an area that is smaller than said object, on my own, while I don’t have the strength to lift it above my head. And having a turn in the stairs meant that at some point I had to slip under the couch, got stuck between the couch and the wall and couldn’t get out. Almost called 112 (911 for Dutch people) because I got so stuck it was crushing my ribs but then my phone dropped out of my pocket and I couldn’t reach it.

It was then that I remembered a trick from my days as a tree climber (from when I was a kid and climbed a lot of trees and other places), which was, arms up, tummy in. Though my goddamn boobs got in the way (I seriously want these off and I can’t wait for surgery.) And I slipped free enough to end up on the other end where I proceeded to somewhat lift the couch up enough to eventually get it on the plateau of the hallway. Where I put it on one end and scooted it into my apartment. 

But yeah that was an adventure, the couch got lightly damaged in the process and I am hurting all over. But, I succeeded. I was out of commission for the rest of the day though. Didn’t do much beside that. And I didn’t have a pivot! pivot! moment. Mostly because 1. I never really watched friends, and whenever it is on tv I quickly zap to another channel. 2. There was no room to pivot or turn it. This is a small ass stairs in a small ass house in a small ass country XD.

And hey, those are good accomplishments! You got your boxes, check 1, you cleared your space, check 2, you can be proud of that! I’m proud of you. And I’m very curious as to what your Christmas tree is going to look like ^^.

Because I have terrible impulse control, I looked at the family tree despite knowing I’d get spoiled.  (But I mean, knowing where it’ll end up doesn’t mean I know how it’ll get there, so.)  Since I did that on a break at work yesterday, it meant I got to spend a large chunk of my shift alternating between internally ferally screaming over the continuing SPN saga, and internally ferally screaming over the things I’d managed to guess correctly about future chapters and the things I didn’t see coming at all.  Gotta say, it at least helped keep me distracted during a very long, short-staffed shift.  Not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out the letter code in people’s names.  At first I was like, “oh, a middle initial”, then I realized it was the same few letters, and who had what, and felt like an idiot. XD  I noticed there wasn’t a (T) in Isaac’s name, and now I’m curious if he stays human, or you just haven’t added that detail yet.  (Also, Jesus, I both can’t imagine what Chris and Noah might do to Mr. Lahey, and kinda really want to see some epic smackdown at the same time.)  And holy shit, do the boys know the truth about Scott’s parentage?  Because if not that is a massive angst bomb about to drop on the three of them (because of everything that happened with Claudia).  I feel the need for a drink just thinking about it.

This is making me smile in one of those, hehehehehe gleeful ways only an author can smile in. Making my day here. And I’m glad I could provide that distraction for you. And the letter coding is (H (human), T (turned), W (Werewolf), K (Kitsune), Ban (Banshee), B (Beta, since that is basically the ‘trans’ coding), HH (Hellhound), D (druid) ) And I think that’s all of the coding I’m using right now. I didn’t fully update it yet, I generally do bits and pieces when writing something is not working but I do want to work on OUAT. So Isaac will be turned in the story, I just hadn’t added the T yet. Also not sure what I’ll keep on Chris just yet. Still debating on that one.) Some of the names might also still change. (as in baby boom #2 to keep it easy) 

And Mr. Lahey, oh he’s gonna get it. Isaac is just gonna be unofficially adopted into the family even before he ends up with the person he ends up with. (hopefully that’s vague enough for tumblr XD)

Everybody loves Isaac, Kyra, and Lydia. Scott though, well, he needs to grow and convince the people around him, especially the person he ends up with. That’s gonna be something of a road trip too. 

And no, neither the young generation or our boys know about Scott’s parentage. Peter has always suspected, but Mel never wanted to confirm it. When Noah learns, when Stiles, Malia and Scott learn.. Shit’s gonna hit the fan again. I already bought an extra bottle of wine to write it.

Yeah man, I can barely keep up with the rollercoaster that is SPN right now. But it’s SO compelling! Omg! I haven’t cared about this show in three years and suddenly it’s all back in my life and I don’t know how to feel. I honestly stopped watching again after they killed off Gabriel for the second time, and never got back into it. Until now. jfc.

I honestly loved it and despite it being 3 am when I read it I can still very clearly recall what happened and still smile. Which is a very good thing! I actually have your first fic open in a tab rn and once my brain wants to cooperate again, I’ll read that too because I honestly just really love your writing. You’re really good at it! Also remind me to rec all of your fics, I think I forgot that last night but I meant to. And sorry for the rambling, despite my day it is once again 2 am XD.

Hope your day has been going well too! I’ve almost finished recording all the needed episodes from Season 1 to start giffing for OUAT and will let you know when I can start posting. Hope your dishes went well too, and let me know if you have any headcanons, would love to hear them <3.

Now I am turning in though, I’m starting to fall asleep. Take care and lots of hugs from me and Mo. <3

[transssexualheart]

All

flower crown- when did you last sing to yourself?earlier today bc i was trying to learn the song on guitar

fairy lights- if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?do my friends actually love me

daisies- what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?honestly? not ending it lmao

1975- what is the first happy memory that comes to your mind, recent or otherwise?this is weirdly specific and not even particularly happy but i remember this one time when i was little it was late at night and my dad had been reading alice in wonderland to me beforehand and he had an apple that he was cutting into thin slices and eating it as he went and he would give me the slices because i was sitting next to him i don’t know why i even consider it a happy memory

matte- if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?i’m not sure. i think i might just kill myself before it happened lmao because the ideal would be “do things that make me happy and be happy before i go”, but doing certain things aren’t going to make me happy, what will make me happy is years of work towards that happiness so what would be the point of still living if i knew that i only had a year to be happy because i will not make it to happiness in time

black nail polish- do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?i don’t have one

pantone- describe a person close in your life in detail.wow this made me realize i’m not really that close to many people. anyway no

moodboard- do you feel you had a happy childhood?lol no my parents divorced when i was too young to remember them originally deciding to get divorced, they were fighting for custody for at least a year, my dad died when i was eight, a lot of shit went down

stars- when did you last cry in front of another person?does crying in the same room as someone else but it being dark count? because if so that was just last month

plants- pick a person to stargaze with and explain why you picked them.whomst the fuck do yall think and why lmao

converse- would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?only if we probably would never see each other again

lace- when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?i can’t remember when but sometime this summer and probably with you 

handwriting- if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?not to be a cheesy motherfucker but “i love you” and probably to u bc like, i would be dying

cactus- what is your opinion on brown eyes?i have them and i used to hate them, but after seeing a lot of love for them i hate mine less

sunrise- pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.shit i can’t think of one

oil paints- what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?An Absolute Shit Show

overalls- what would you do with a billion dollars? in the future use it to pay for meds and therapy and a nice college and constantly spoil my friends and spoil myself kinda bc honestly anyone that says you’ll donate it ALL is a big liar don’t act like you aren’t gonna buy some nice sweaters beforehand, and donate to ppl who need money like u kno those posts that are like “help a trans disabled woman leave her abusive home” i would throw my money around at those and other such good causes that i believe in

combat boots- are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?i’m not sure? i mean if someone fucks me over and never apologizes then no i won’t forgive them but if someone makes a mistake that they recognize as a mistake and apologizes for it then i will forgive them 

winged eyeliner- write a hundred letter word to your twelve year old self.hey. i would really like to say to you that things have gotten so much better but they haven’t really. but here’s the thing. you have a therapist now and you don’t fight with your mom and stepdad as much because you figured out how to stay out of it. you have a friend that supports you and loves you and will do her best for you, which is exactly the friend that you’re probably being a dick to right now so cut that shit out. my point is, you’ll get worse. but you’ll start to get better. it’s okay.

pastel- would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?fashion wise? probably pastel

tattoos- how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.i have two tattoos and i want more, i would love piercings but i’ll probably get them infected.

piercings- do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?i do, because it makes me feel more confident and it’s fun

bands- talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.i don’t think i really have one 

messy bun- the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.“i’m gay”

cry baby- list the concerts you have been to and how they made you feel.i’ve only been to two and neither were life changing or any of that, i saw twenty one pilots and the 1975 and both were fun 

grunge- who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?idk man

space- do you have a desk/work space and how is it organized/not organized?i have a desk for my computer and it’s covered in random shit like dead batteries and candy wrappers

white bed sheets- what is your nighttime routine?get in bed, turn off lights, don’t fall asleep for another three hours due to my depression keeping me up at night

old books- what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?everything

beaches- if you had to dye your hair, how would you dye/style it and why?dye it pink bc i wanna and i can’t really style my hair its too short

eyes- pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?what the FUCK is that

11:11- name three wishes and why you wish for them.to be happy, to be loved, and to not be made out to be a freak by cis ppl for obvious reasons

painting- what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. idk i guess last years bc i styled a wig with hairspray and everything

lighting- what’s the worst thing you have ever done while drunk or high?ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX TEXTS SENT TO SARAH FROM ONE TO TWO AM, A LOT OF SHIT ABOUT HER BEING PRETTY AND NOTHING BEING REAL

thunder- what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?become a racist shit bag

storms- you can only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?oooh man hard choice. i would have to go with one person bc if i can only listen to one song how will i play piano or guitar but if i can only not see the person i can still have other friends by calling or texting

love- have you ever fallen in love? describe what it’s like to realize you’re in love.i have, here we goit feels like being hit by something hard and fast. because what the fuck? suddenly you miss this person too much. more than you used to and more than you know you should and it makes sense because you’ve been thinking about them all day but it still doesn’t make sense because why is this happening why did things just change like this. and it feels weird and new but in a good way, and you like that breathless feeling and the way your chest feels like it’s going to explode and you can’t stop smiling even though you know you’re so fucked because you feel alive and in love and it’s everything and suddenly all the music you listen to makes you feel like you’re in a movie and everything seems so perfectly fucked up and you like it whether you want to or not

clouds- if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?i’m a boy and i would rock that nail polish i’ve done it before and i’ll do it again

coffee- what’s your starbucks order and who would you trust to order it for you, if anyone? i’ve never had starbucks

marble- what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?whomst the fuck do u think

i can always rely on u to ask me shit thank u

[league-of-light]

Rank & Furious 6

Howdy everybody. We’ve got quite possibly the most heartfelt, thought out, and artistic content for you this week.  Dylan wrote a ton, and for me to have written anymore would have left us with far too much reading to do this week.  Instead, I’ll pop in/piggyback wherever I feel necessary with this italicized text.  For those who don’t know, around these parts we have some big Fast and Furious fans.  If you haven’t seen the movies, fix that.  But also if you haven’t seen them, you may find yourself scratching your head at this week’s rankings.  That’s ok, just know they are content. I’ll do my best to provide a normie version of content for you people. If you have seen the movies, please enjoy a Fast and Furiousified version of the Week 6 Power Rankings. ___________________________________________________ For those who haven't heard, Tyrese, The Rock, and Jason Statham have been involved in a squabble that should have broken my heart. But then I realized I was happy that the series had fallen apart. My apathy for the situation confused me, and I decided to examine why this was the case. Maybe Bowers was right, and I was really just a feudster at heart and liked seeing the feud. But I would never have wanted to hear about Paul Walker and Sung Kang feuding, so it couldn’t be that. Maybe I’ve just gotten tired of the Rock, with his bad movies and bad politics. But no, because honestly, I’m still excited when I watch him in Fast Five. Then it hit me. I’m just happy because really, the series is already over. Fate of the Furious started a new series of movies (one that frankly doesn’t seem to be very good). And with the problems the previously tightknit cast now appears to be having, it just makes it easier to move on. With that being said, these power rankings are in honor of the greatest movie franchise of all time, now fracturing in front of the world. Think of them like one of those Buzzfeed quizzes where you see which character you are, but instead, it’s about your teams, and we just give you the answer. Fate of the Furious will be included, because it’s the only way for me to convey how bad some of our lower ranked teams are. Contains spoilers for all 8 movies. Keep fighting the good fight Tyrese! 5 > 1 = 7 > 6 > 3 > 4 > 2.*

*Editor’s note - this is a god damn lie.  Ranking 2 Fast 2 Furious below Tokyo Drift is actually a war crime, and you should be tried/hung for your crimes.  Except Dylan is already hung, if you know what I’m sayin ;) ;) 8==D But seriously, Tokyo Drift is horrible. It’s the worst Fast and Furious movie.  It might be a fine movie on in a vacuum, but it carries the Fast and Furious title, and it’s a horrible Fast and Furious movie.  Except for the Teriyaki Boyz (work warning: that link plays some dank music). That’s some good shit.

Honorable Mentions

Matt Barry – The FBI agent in 2 Fast 2 Furious played by Dexter’s dad from Dexter

JTG – The black FBI agent in in The Fast and the Furious and 2 Fast 2 Furious

Smoochie – Johnny Tran, looking for fights over slights both real and perceived

Danny – Dom, if he was obsessed with jury duty, spoiled movies, and was never broken out of prison after Fast and Furious (note: This is my bad excuse for not calling anyone Dom because I couldn’t pick anyone)**

**Even with the ridiculous qualifiers/modifications/whatever you wanna call them, this is literally the hottest take I have ever read in my life.  

Tom – Vince (I 100% stand by this and will not be convinced otherwise)

Nobody – Tej, which just shows how ridiculous he is. He goes from pretty good mechanic who organizes races to elite hacker who can also create incredible gadgets out of nowhere with 0 training. It’s so ridiculous that I can’t even compare it to anyone in the league.

The Fucking Losers (managed by Everett Sobel)

Fast and Furious Character – Leon

Most people forget Leon exists. But he was part of the original crew. Dom’s crew in the first movie wasn’t just Dom, Vince, Letty, and Jesse; Leon was out there with them, robbing trucks and presumably doing other stuff while not robbing trucks. What happened to him? Who knows. He probably got arrested after the whole thing happened, or is in hiding. But wherever Leon is, and wherever Everett is, I hope he’s happy and I miss him. It’s been a long league without you my friend.***

***Dylan says “wherever Everett is” but we know where Everett is, he’s inside all of our hearts. 

12.  The Memes of Production (1-4, last week #11)

Fast and Furious Character – Deckard Shaw

When I first saw Jason Statham in mid-credits scene in Fast & Furious 6, I wasn’t happy. The 6th movie was already a bit underwhelming coming on the heels of Fast Five, and when I saw him, I thought he was just going to ruin the franchise. Then Furious 7 came out, and it was terrific. In my opinion, it was either the 2nd or 3rd best movie in the series. Then, Fate of the Furious came out, and he was part of the reason that it wasn’t good. And now the spinoff with The Rock is happening, and it’s confirmed, he did ruin the series.

Andy’s team looked terrible in Week 1, the worst in the league. Then they looked terrific in week 2, and I thought they could move up towards the top 4. Ever since, they’ve looked terrible again, and it looks like my initial thought there was unfortunately the right one.

If I don’t type text here, there will be a weird gap between Andy and Arielle, so just ignore this. There’s already probably a weird gap between this text and Andy’s gif.  Tumblr is a pain in the ass.

11. Team Calm Down Will (2-3, last week 10)

Fast and Furious Character – Elena

Elena is awesome, but she just can’t catch a break. When she was a bit younger, she was married to a police officer who got killed in the line of duty (David Johnson). She tries to arrest Dom and his crew, but instead, falls in love with him, and all is well. Nothing can ruin her happiness… except for Dom’s ex-wife still being alive, Dom leaving to be with her, and all this while she’s apparently pregnant (RIP Greg Olsen in a 53.5 point Week 2). Things start looking up again, as Hobbs gives her a recommendation for a promotion and she gets used to being a single mom, but ultimately, just because she is associated with the wrong people (looking at you Blake Bortles), she meets a shocking, horrifying end.

Sorry Arielle, I really wanted to make a better gif for you.  Your team is abysmal so the least I could’ve done was given you the joy of a cool gif.  Unfortunately, Elena doesn’t have many good gifs online, so you’ll have to settle for this

10. Freaky Frogadier (1-4, last week #9)

Fast and Furious Character – Jesse

This team just tries to do too much. Swapping picks before the draft, then the first trade, then the second trade, then the third trade, and now rumor has it they’re looking for a 4th trade? They’re going a mile a minute, and their GM should probably be going to MIT or something, but they seem to have ADD. This week, with another loss and with Ben Roethlisberger admitting he can’t play anymore, they pretty much just got shot on their lawn by two guys in motorcycles. At least they’ll get to see Everett’s team in heaven.

Dylan I know you meant Fast and Furious Jesse, but you picked a character from an era before gifs even existed, so instead you have your face on top of Aaron Paul test driving a car.  Jesse Pinkman, Need for Speed, close enough.  Next time pick a better character for yourself and you’ll get a good gif

9. Chicken Winnigish (2-3, last week #7)

Fast and Furious Character – Sean Boswell

Team Evan has had a bunch of issues with injuries and lineups, but to be honest, most of them are self-inflected. He decided that he had to find Geoffrey, and because he focused on that instead of making a good team, he got kicked out of high school and sent to Tokyo. Things were looking a bit better when he won last week, but what was he left with? A not great looking girlfriend who is cool with dating people in the Yakuza, nowhere to live because he was kicked out of the house (FORESHADOWING???), and his friend still dead. The rest of this season will be like the rest of movies 4-8 were for Sean; maybe a small appearance in the win column, but mostly just nothing.

Before the haters come in and criticize my autistic artistic decision to make Evan Twinkie and not actually Sean Boswell, take a moment and just enjoy looking at Evan in that outfit.  You’re welcome. 

8. Caddyshack Name Incoming (1-4, last week #12)

Fast and Furious Character – Cipher

You hear that Charlize Theron is going to be in the new fast movie, and you think damn, she’s good looking and a great actor, she’s going to be great. Then you see the hair and… holy shit it’s terrible. And then her first couple of scenes are just god awful. Then she does have that scene where she kills Elena****, and it’s so ridiculous that you almost kind of think she’s an interesting character in an it’s so bad it’s good kind of way? This team’s Week 5 performance was that scene, as they won not because of Zeke, Evans, and Murray, but instead largely thanks to the Bengals D, Torrey Smith, and Justin Tucker. We’ll see if they go back to cratering like she did or if they can actually keep up the performance. Jason Witten at Flex might be their dreads.

****WOOOOOOOOOOOW, SOME OF US (me) HAVEN’T SEEN FAST8 YET.  This guy out here going full Danny.  Next you’re gonna tell us Laura Kinney is Logan’s daughter, and that they cloned his DNA. You’re a monster, Dylan.  

7. Confused Pandas (2-3, last week #7)

Fast and Furious Character – Gisele

Ok, the two women in the league both being female (ha, female, that’s funny) characters is not a great look. But it’s not my fault that they like to have their female characters get killed and both teams died with injuries to their 1st round picks. I started off not particularly liking this team and even saying it was mediocre, which I think is a fair way to describe Gisele in Fast and Furious. But then, Gisele throws up a 130.5 point performance in week 2, establishing herself as an awesome member of the team who you want to see succeed. And then, on the 2387 mile runway that is the Giants season, Gisele and Odell (IT EVEN RHYMES) both died, and people were too busy talking about other things (JJ Watt, the Giants 0-5 record, Dom surviving and walking through fire, where the fuck that runway even is) to really appreciate them like they should. This team is number 7, but also number 1.

Pew pew, bang bang, skeet skeet.

6. Phil Awoke My Sexuality (2-3, last week #4)

Fast and Furious Character - Han

And now the Asian is Han? Get your shit together Dylan. Han doesn’t have a great start in Tokyo Drift, considering he dies. But at least he’s intriguing. And then in Fast Five, you realize he’s really awesome. And then in Fast 6, he’s even awesomer. He might be my 4th favorite character (probably actually 5th, but you can talk me into it). Same with this team, which started off 0-2 with an impressive record and then had 2 big victories. But was this week the equivalent of Han mid-credits after Fast 6? This team had a chance for a big win against their division rival and lost. They have 2 QB’s, but if you have 2 QB’s you don’t really have one. I still really like this team, and I don’t think they’re dead, but they’ll need to figure something out to avoid Han’s fate.

Harnsowl I don’t need to explain this one for you, but I will happily testify as a witness if you want to prosecute Dylan for the racial profiling.

5. The Mayor of California (4-1, last week #6)

Fast and Furious Character – Hobbs

The good news: The Rock is the perfect non-leading guy for these movies. Brian and Dom do the emotional heavy lifting, Dom is usually battling the main guy, that leaves Rock “The Dwayne” Johnson to look really, really muscly, beat people up, and say thing varying from cool to corny while beating people up.

The bad news: He’s too good in this role for it to have continued forever, and Paul Walker dying significantly hastened the inevitable. He wasn’t good enough to be the de facto team leader in Fate of the Furious (it should have been Letty), and he won’t be good enough to have a spinoff.

This team is good. They’re 4-1, they’ve had some quality wins, and they have a decent amount of talent across the board.

Jason I don’t know if you’ve seen these movies, and it’s kind of hard to tell from this gif, but in case you haven’t seen it allow me to explain. In this scene, The Rock is literally flexing out of a cast.  I figured it was appropriate, especially when you consider Davante Adams’ recovery.

4. Walsh Me Nae Nae (3-2, last week #8)

Fast and Furious Character – Mr. Nobody

Walsh’s presence looms over the league even though we almost never see him. He was #2 in the league last year, and he looks good this year too. Nobody has jumped around more in my rankings, and we don’t really know anything about Mr. Nobody. And still, you feel like there’s something more to this team, and to Walsh. Whenever he says anything, people go nuts, and he just always seems to be around, influencing things more than we could even realize.

Walsh, there’s a solid chance this gif won’t load. I’ve already tried 3 or 4 times to make it work. It’s a 5.7 MB gif, which is beyond massive.  If not, I’ll post it in the group.  It’s way too many frames, and there’s a lot going on, just know I put some work into this one for you.

3. Watch Me Not TV (4-1)

Fast and Furious Character – Roman Pierce

First, let me say that teams 1-3 could realistically be in any order. Will is undefeated, Phil is the top scorer, and Nico is between the two in both. As for Nico, sure, there have been some questionable moments. He’s started Buck Allen a couple of times, he’s started multiple negative defenses, and there was the whole “Ejecto Dezzo Cuz” incident where he tried to trade Dez Bryant for one of those parallelepiped pink pencil erasers and the bottom part of a muffin. That and the fact that he’s one of our quieter chat members have made him fall under the radar a bit. But make no mistake, this team is a powerhouse that should not be underestimated. Kareem Hunt in the 5th was the best pick in the draft, Duke Johnson Jr is looking good again, and somehow, they just put up incredible performance after incredible performance. You don’t even realize they’re always winning and always coming out ahead, until they’re laughing at you and driving away your shit after you underestimated them. They ain’t hungry no more either.

If you enjoyed your gif this week, thank Dylan and Nico.  The second Dylan told me he was giving Nico Roman, I had to make the gif.  And then I couldn’t just give Nico a gif and nobody else, so the gifs were born.  

2. Primo Content (3-2)

Fast and Furious Character – DK

This team should dominate. But it’s not the first time we’ve thought that about Phil’s team. It looked like he was going to start running away with things in week 3, but he opened his mouth too soon, and then his team ended up losing. He looked like a lock for the playoffs last year, but again, he couldn’t shut then he ended up losing. Karma just kept coming back to kill him after premature bragging. There’s no way DK should lose to Sean, but then it happens. Is this the time that Phil finally gets past this and finds a way not to lose money on this league? Or will karma send him careening down a cliff while he loses to some random hick whose only living friend is named Twinkie? Only time will tell.

I wanted to give him Dom because Dom has become the worst character in the movies and screeches "family” like Phil screeches “content”.  I made the gif before Dylan told me DK, but that’s ok. DK sucks, Tokyo Drift sucks, this is an appropriate character for Phil.  

1. Blastoise Brigade (5-0)

Fast and Furious Character - Brian

This one’s a no brainer. As the undefeated team, they’re the heart and soul of this league. And they appeared ready to dominate it all year. And then, bam, out of nowhere, Dalvin Cook went off to raise his second kid and couldn’t be called back in even when his brother in law, the uncle and probably godfather to his children, became arguably the most wanted man in the world. I still have this team #1, but I don’t know how long that will last, as the early returns on Diggs without him are not promising. Good bye Dalvin. I’m watching this Monday Night Football game, and it’s going to be a long day without you my friend.

So why is this team ranked #1? Because like Brian, they understand Dom’s lesson. Ask any fantasy football player. Any real fantasy football player. It don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning’s winning.

Whoops, this gif is super fast.  It’s called the Fast and Furious, and I’m furious this gif is so fast. Well, I’ve already closed Photoshop and don’t feel like remaking it, oh well.  RIP Paul Walker Dalvin Cook.

The League of Shadows (Season 2, last year Season 1)

Fast and Furious Character: Letty

We started with the League of Light, which was so far separated from its successors that it really is essentially a different league. Then we thought that the League was dead. It was even confirmed to be dead by Danny. But then, it came back, without its memory and basically as a new character. But then, oh no, it appeared to be a bad guy who is a bully and has always been a bully.; But then, it remembered who it was, and it’s back again! And now, even though football is awful, and even though fantasy football is awful, the League of Shadows still lives on being downright tolerable when everything around it is miserable, just like Letty.