#homophobia implied
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The Case of the Devlin House (Reverse Verse!) as commissioned by @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are everyone thank Haunted!
The father of the Devlin family murdered his wife and children one night, and no one knows why. While investigating the case, Edwin finds a letter from the eldest daughter, in which she expressed her desire to go to college to get away from her father... and closer to the girl she loved. The family has been stuck in a loop since that awful night, and now Edwin is too.
Bonus:
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#the devlin loop#introducing: the gurls#niko has lost her memories of course but she subconsciously picks clothes that remind her of the attire she wore as a priestess#crystal doesn't necessarily think she can stab a ghost but she can try#charles and edwin are straight up not having a good time#which reminds me#cw homophobia#charles resents Niko and is now forced to work with her#he's also very scary and angry#and yes he is implying he's the bad man edwin is usually stuck with#edwin suddenly having to confront that this girl#even if she loved another girl#perhaps did not deserve to be murdered with an axe. shocking#and what does that mean for him?#well it means angst for us that's for sure
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hummingbirds
Steveâs crying on the porch of his parents' house, with a duffel bag and baseball bat, when Eddie pulls into the driveway.
âJesus, Steve, what happened?â Eddie crouches down to get eye level with Steve. Despite being dark out, the sun set long ago, and the outdoor lights werenât on. Steve turns to look at his parents' car in the driveway and thinks back to when the lock had distinctly turned shut on the front door. They were around to switch the lights on; they just didnât care anymore to do so.
Steve is grateful for the moonlight, as he can see the pretty lines on Eddieâs face. Even if they currently curve into a frown.
âHey Eds.â Steveâs voice cracks.
âStevieâŚwhat happened?â Eddie asks again, this time itâs gently. It cradles Steve and holds him softly. He wishes Eddieâs hands would do the same.
âDid you know hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backward?â Steve sniffles.
Eddieâs face scrunches in confusion, âWhat? Birds? You lost me.â
Steve pushes past Eddieâs confused face. âThey are the only birds to fly backward. Surprisingly, it wasnât Dustin to teach me that out of the munchkins. It was actually El. Sheâs apparently going through a bird phase. And I donât think the others are very interested. So I try to pay attention when she talks about it. And she taught me about hummingbirds.â
Eddie settles on his knees, âThatâs great, man and those little shits should listen to her more, but Iâm not sure what that has to do with whatâs wrong. You called me to come pick you up and hung up before I could even answer.â
Steve bites his lip, âSorry, my dad clicked the phone off.â Eddieâs face shows surprise, but Steve keeps talking before he can interrupt. âAnd well, I guess hummingbirds have nothing to do with anything. Itâs stupid, really.â
âNo, no. Itâs not stupid. Tell me about the birds, Stevie.â Eddieâs hand finally reaches out to Steve. He brushes the fallen hair out of his face, and something in Steve just sets him off.
âYou see, they can fly backward. And well, no, Iâm getting ahead of myself. You see, my cousin Tucker is here to visit. And let me tell you, he is the worst. Like Eddie, you would hate him. Conservative, capitalist enthusiast, real bootlicker kind of guy.â
âSounds like the worst. Especially if he made you use the big words.â Eddieâs hand falls away, and Steve mourns the loss. Normally, when people make jokes about his intelligence, it stings. It makes him feel small. But when Eddie does it, it isnât mean or a poke at how stupid Steve is. With Eddie, itâs almost like heâs reminding Steve that he is smart. That maybe Steve is the one making himself small.
He is.
âAnyway, heâs visiting, right? So my parents come home. And I havenât seen them in months, since before spring break. Itâs nearly October, and I havenât seen them, and I canât tell if Iâm excited or dreading their arrival. Itâs always a fight when they are around, how Iâm not good enough, how I should be more. Their visits always end up being cut short, and me feeling like shit. But this stupid, stupid part of me was hoping it would be different this time. They havenât seen me since the âearthquakes.â Surely theyâll be happy to see Iâm okay, right?â
Eddie stays silent, his face revealing nothing.
âOf course, itâs not. They only came home because my cousin Tucker was in town. All the way from Indy cause itâs so far. And my mom âmadeâ dinner, as in she ordered it and pretended she made it. It wasnât even that good, but we all pretended it was the best thing ever made. Cause thatâs what they do, pretend. And the dinner is fine, boring. Most of it is just me staying silent while my dad and Tucker talk about the business. Tucker runs the Indy office while my dad is in New York. Ya see, Tucker has been gunning to take over for my dad when he retires, which is another word for diesââ Steve letâs put a bitter laugh; he wonders if his parents are listening. He doubts it.
ââand they are going on for the whole meal, and Iâm almost through the home stretch when my dad brings up me, coming to work for him.â
Eddie reacts finally, âYouâre going to New York?â His voice is strained, like he is trying very hard not to yell, not at Steve, but at anyone who will listen. Steve is quick to correct.
âNo, no, Iâm not. This was news to me to Eds. I have no interest in my dad's business, and as far as I was concerned, he didnât want me a part of it either. Guess that has changed. Has? Had? I donât knowâŚâ Steve trails off.
âHarrington.â
âDonât call me that. It makes me think youâre mad at me. Besides, it doesnât fit me anymore.â Steve bites.
âSorry, Steve. Iâm not mad. I promise. Just, what do you mean?â Eddieâs head tilts to the side, his curls cascading down his shoulder. It reminds Steve of a river, dark water rippling in the moonlight.
âI was so shocked, Eds. When he said that. That I was quiet, I should have corrected him, maybe. Maybe I could have fixed it. But Tucker was so quick to act. He was pissed. He knows my working for my dad means me being set up to take over. And Tucker, heâs worked too hard to make sure he does get the business. But instead of yelling, he just gets this concerned look on his face. And heâŚâ
âHe what?â
Steve wrenches his eyes shut as he recalls the rest. As he recalls the way Tuckerâs face faked worry as he struck. Like he has been waiting for the right moment to ruin Steve. He manages to open his eyes eventually, only to see Eddieâs face once again. The honest look on his face is enough to push Steve on.
âIn the summer, Robin was feeling sad. This was before you guys knew about each other, and I was the only one who knew about her. And she was sad cause nothing had happened with Vicky and she felt so alone. And I hated seeing her like that. And so, so I took her to Indy. And, andââ Steve starts to hyperventilate.
Eddie takes him by the shoulders. âBreathe for me, Steve. Come on, baby, match my breaths. Itâs okay. Itâs okay.â
Steve matches Eddieâs breath. Ignores how the word baby calms him down instantly. âTucker told my dad that he saw me in Indy. That he saw me come out of a gay club, Eddie. And he went on about how they should focus more on getting me help, than putting me in a power position, again Eds, which I donât even want! And how I would be a bad look for the company. How would it look if a company whose whole image is family values, only successor, turned out to be gay.â
Eddie flinches a bit, but doesnât let go of him. Steve feels instant regret. âThat isnât what I meant, Eddie.â
Eddie shushes him, âI know, sweetheart. Youâre just upset. I know. Did you tell him that you werenât there for you? Or maybe that Rick was mistaken; it was a regular club?â
Steve rubs a hand down his face, âAnd what? Tell him that my two best friends in the entire world are gay? So that I can be shipped off to New York and never see them again? Yeah right. Iâd rather face the bats again than be removed from you two. And Iâm not going to out you guys like that.â
Something warm crosses Eddieâs face, âSo, you lied then?â
âBefore I could say anything my dad reacted.â
Eddie freezes, a darkness swims in his eyes. âHe put his hands on you?â
âNo, no!â Steve panics, and he purposely leaves out the ânot this time.â Eddie isnât necessarily a violent person. But he does have a protective streak. As admirable as it is, Steve doesnât want him to get hurt.
Eddie relaxes but only slightly.
âHe was actually pretty calm, which is even more terrifying. I expected him to yell, throw things. But instead he just turns and says, âIs this true, Steven?â. And what gets me is they didnât even question why my cousin was anywhere near that club in the first place. Why did he see me there? Instead, he just asks me if itâs true. And itâs the first time in a long time, if ever, that my dad asks me this. He always just assumes Iâve fucked up. And this time, he really asked me about the truth. And I couldnât, I couldnât lie. I donât know why, but it felt wrong to. So I didnât. I just told him, âYes. Itâs true.ââ
âStevieâŚâ
Steve throws out a bitter laugh, âAnd you know what? He still doesnât freak out. He just tells me I have five minutes to get my shit and get out. That I needed to call a ride because the car was under the name Steve Harrington, and I was no longer a Harrington. And he was so calm. And my mom just sat there, and I just listened. I didnât fight. I am so tired of fighting.â
âSteve, why not just tell them the truth? Tell them you were there for a friend?â Eddieâs tone isnât scolding, only curious.
âSee, thatâs because I started thinking about hummingbirds, Eddie. I started thinking about how they fly forwards and backward and how they are the only ones that can do that. Isnât that fascinating? These small birds are so strong and interesting, and can do something no one else can do. But no other birds understand; the rest of them just fly forwards Eds. And IâI feel like that sometimes. That Iâm not flying in one direction, ya know?â
Steve feels like he isnât making much sense, but then Eddie nods and looks at Steve. Like really looks at Steve, and sees him. And Steve feels raw, stripped of his skin, exposed, and it should hurt, but it feels so fucking good. And Eddie stares deep into Steveâs eyes and says, âYea, I know.â
âI didnât want to lie. Because even though Tucker was wrong, he was also right. I wasnât there for me, but I think I needed to be there. To get it. And I think that Iâm flying backward, Eds. And Iâm worried itâs wrong of me, that it shouldnât be allowed. And that there is no purpose to me flying backward if I can just go forwards. If I can just fly with the rest of them. But I donât think, I donât think Iâve ever really taken flight before. Not before I understood I could also go backward.â
Itâs in this moment, where Steve is covered in tears and snot that Eddie finally takes his hands and cradles Steveâs face. Steveâs never felt safer.
âListen to me, sweetheart; there is nothing wrong with you. Okay? Nothing wrong with you. Just because you can fly forwards doesnât mean you have to, doesnât mean you should. Sometimes youâre going to have to fly backward; youâre not going to have a choice. Itâs just the direction youâre fast, huge, hummingbird heart takes you. And it might take you a bit to learn that. To understand that, but I will make sure that you do. Because you, Steve Harrington, are fucking fearless and fucking beautiful, and I am so goddamn proud of you.â
Steve finally reaches his breaking point and collapses in Eddieâs arms. Full body, ugly sobs wreck Steve. He is sure that he is soaking Eddieâs favorite Black Sabbath t-shirt to the bone, but he canât find it himself to care. His fingers dig into Eddieâs back as he clutches tighter as his breathing picks up.
âBreathe, baby, breathe. Remember that. I got you. I got you.â Eddie whispers into Steveâs ear.
Steve picks his head up when he finally calms down, and looks at Eddie. âYou.â
âWhatâs that?â Eddie says softly, rubbing circles through Steveâs polo.
âI called you. Because, I thinkâno, I know, that Iâve been flying backward, to you. For a while now. And I knew that, even if you werenât too, youâd still show up. And I justâjust need you to know that. I am so grateful you showed up.â
Steve knows he should feel nervous telling Eddie all this, but he isnât. He strangely feels like his dad at this moment, calm and unmoving. Steve doesnât understand many things in this world, but he understands that even if Eddie doesnât love him like that, Eddie still loves Steve in plenty of other ways.
Itâs still nice, though, when Eddie leans forward and kisses Steveâs forehead. Steve closes his eyes and releases a breath.
Eddie slides his head down slightly so their foreheads are pushed together affectionately. âStevie, Iâll always fly backward to you.â
Although itâs awful how they got here, Steve canât help but feel happy at this moment. He also canât help the silly giggle that comes out of him, âI think we have just lost all meaning to this metaphor at this point.â
Eddie snorts, âOh, have we? And here I thought we were having a nice moment, a poetic one at that, telling each other âI love you.ââ
Steve blinks at him, âYou love me?â
Eddie frown lines finally turn upwards, âYea baby, I love you.â
âIââ
Eddie cuts Steve off. âTell me in the morning. When your tears have dried, and Iâve woken up with you in my arms. I want to hear it in the daylight. Okay? Letâs go home.â Eddie stands, offering a hand to Steve.
âHome?â
âYea home, got to fly back to our nest.â
Steve canât help the snort he releases, âDork.â
Eddie just smiles, âThought I told you to save the âI love youâ til the morning.â
Steve smiles back as he takes Eddieâs hand, âI didnâtâŚâ
Eddie squeezes Steveâs fingers, âYea, ya did.â
****
Iâm back, not dead, and in my feelings. Thinking about expanding on this one. I hope you guys like it. đ§Ąđ§Ą
#steddie#stranger things#Steve eventually gets a hummingbird tattoo#everything I write is soft#they deserve to be soft#bisexual steve harrington#gay eddie munson#cw: implied homophobia#cw: internalized homophobia#my writing#steve harrington#eddie munson#ficlet#robin buckley#steve x eddie#soft boys#post s4#bisexuality awareness
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Thereâs perks to working a summer job where thereâs seemingly no manager. Steve got an at most five minute interview with an overly smiley dude who said, âAn independent workforce is very important to us,â and didnât even check his references before telling Steve that he was hired.
So itâs down to him and Robin alone to open and close Scoops Ahoy. And the lack of any bossânot even a supervisorâis mostly great, means that no-oneâs hovering over their shoulders droning on about âcompany policyâ, means they can take their breaks as and when, and no-oneâs tapping their foot with an eye on the clock.
But then thereâs the times where itâs absolutely swamped with customers, and the statistical likelihood of having to serve an asshole skyrockets; and most assholes donât tend to think of teenagers slinging ice-cream as being worthy of even the tiniest shred of respect.
âAre you wilfully this stupid, missy?â a douchebag snaps at Robin during the lunchtime rush, after she added chocolate sauce on his sundae instead of raspberry.
She remakes the order with a look that, if there was any justice in the world, would make him drop down dead on the spot. But instead, he just scoffs when she passes him the new sundae.
âHave a spectacular day,â Robin says acerbically, and if it was any other time, Steve would be ducking down behind the counter, pretending to check on stock levels so he can hide his laughter.
Except Robinâs also doing that thing where she blinks a lot, and Steve knows sheâs fighting tears of frustration because he privately does something remarkably similar.
Thereâs a sinking feeling in his chest coupled with whatâs becoming a steadily frequent flare of protectiveness. That one usually comes with the kids and The Upside Downâexcept Robin is a girl whoâs round about his age, so he half-heartedly assumes it must be because he has a crush on her.
But heâs not even thinking about said crush at all when he gently bumps her towards the break room with his hip and says, âTake yours first, Iâve got this.â
For half a second, Robinâs eyes seem to shine in gratitude before she puts a hand over her heart and declares, dripping in sarcasm, âYouâre a god among men, Harrington, I never believed what anyone said about you.â
âYouâre welâhey, what did they say about me?â
The door to the break room shuts, but not before he hears Robin let out a genuine snort of laughter. He smiles and pivots back to the register.
The lineâs calmed down; Steve recognises a substitute teacher waiting to be served: Mrs Greeves, whoâs been at Hawkins High since the sixties, at least. Thereâs no other adult in the shop, so itâs presumably her little granddaughter whoâs running about the place, without so much as a glancing eye on her.
But Steve doesnât have to worry about a potential lost child scenario, because a guy suddenly slips out of the booth heâd been sitting in, bending down to the kidâs eye level and subtly ensuring that she doesnât hightail it out of there.
It takes a few seconds for Steve to recognise him; heâs still getting used to the whole phenomenon of seeing people without the high school setting behind them. Like, Robin used to be just a name from a class he canât even recall, and now he knows her for her dry wit and love of cryptic crosswords.
And this Eddie Munson is sort of a different beast from the guy Steve saw stomping around the cafeteria tables.
Heâs dressed pretty much the same, (Hellfire shirt sans the leather jacket must be the âsummer lookâ, Steve reckons), but heâs quieter as he chats with the little girl, letting her try on one of his skull rings to distract from her obvious boredom. His grin is softer, too.
Mrs Greeves clears her throat, and Steve promptly puts on his vacant âdelightful customer serviceâ smile.
âAfternoon, Mrs Greeves, what can I do you for?â
She orders a simple strawberry cone for the kid, Abigail, and two scoops of lemon and vanilla in a cup for herselfâappropriate, Steve thinks, because her face looks like sheâs sucking on a lemon half the time.
As he prepares the ice-cream, heâs quickly remembering why sheâs on the list of substitute teachers that students dread, even if heâs only had the âpleasureâ of being in a class supervised by her once. He has vague memories of how sheâd talk with other teachers in a scandalised stage whisper about students from âbroken homesââheâs pretty sure sheâs still an austere teacher at the Sunday School, too.
âAbigail,â she says sharply, when Steve finishes the cone, and she finally seems to realise her granddaughter isnât by her side, âwhat have I told you aboutââ
âOh, itâs okay,â Eddie says hurriedly. Abigail hands him the ring back, very carefully dropping it into his palm, and he gives her a gentle smile. âI donât mindââ
âânot talking to strangers?â Mrs Greeves finishes, as if Eddie hadnât spoken.
âBut,â Eddie says with tiny frown, âyou know me, maâam, Iâmââ
âLet me be plain then, Mr Munson.â She finally turns to favour Eddie with a scathing look. âI meant that I donât want my granddaughter around a corrupting influence.â
Thereâs an awful silence while Abigail collects the cone.
âOh,â Eddie says, still crouched down by the booth. He sounds very small.
And Steveâs view of Mrs Greeves quickly turns from a general dislike to an icy hatred.
âAnd hereâs yours,â he says, sliding the cup over.
She looks down. Her mouth goes all pinched in displeasure.
âWhatâs the meaning of this?â
âItâs your ice-cream,â Steve says, playing up a confused blink. âIsâis this not what you ordered? Iâm terribly sorry for theââ
âDonât be obtuse, Mr Harrington. These scoops are tiny; they barely fill the cup!â
Yup, Steve thinks with a savage satisfaction. Theyâre the size of a melon ball, and even thatâs being generous.
âMrs Greeves, Iâm afraid itâs store policy. Nothing to do withââ
âWhat kind of policy could possibly justifyââ
âRudeness,â Steve says smoothly.
Eddieâs head jerks up at that, his mouth slightly agape.
âMr Harrington,â Mrs Greeves says, her face turning puce, âI would like to see your manager.â
âThe manager,â Steve says flatly. âOkay, sure. Iâll go get him.â
What he does next, compared to everything else thatâs happened in his life thus far, isnât all that stupid.
Well. Maybe a little.
Itâs worth it though, to see the way Eddie Munsonâs eyes widen at the sight.
Making sure to have zero expression throughout, Steve mimes walking downstairs, throws off his hat while crouched behind the counter, then re-emerges with a quick ruffle of his hair.
âHow can I help you?â he asks, like theyâve only just met.
The cup of minuscule ice-cream is soon up-ended as Mrs Greeves storms out, barking over her shoulder, âAbigail, come here!â
Eddie stands to let the kid out of the way, who seems blissfully ignorant with her cone. Steveâs sure he hears him mutter under his breath, âJesus, sheâs not a dog.â
âIâll be reporting you, Steve Harrington, make no mistake!â
Yeah, good fucking luck. I sure as hell donât know who really runs this place.
âUh-huh,â Steve says. âLooking forward to it. Harrington with two ârâs one ânâ, maâam.â
âShit, Harrington,â Eddie drawls. Heâs leaning next to the booth, hip cocked, and if it werenât for the fact that heâd seen it himself, Steve mightâve been convinced that the Eddie from a moment ago was a different person. âThat was not worth getting fired over.â
âIâm not getting fired,â Steve saysâalthough honestly, if that had been a real threat, he thinks his actions would probably have been the same. Huh. âI meant it, dude, thereâs no manager here.â
Eddie nods slightly, looks up at the Scoops Ahoy sign and grins. âSo you and Buckley are the skeleton crew on this ship.â
âUh, I guess?â
Come on, man, Steve thinks, as Eddie keeps up the wide grin like itâs a shield. This isnât the high school cafeteria; Iâm not about to hit your lunch tray or whatever.
Out loud, he calls into the back, âHey, Robin, the chocolateâs low. Iâm just gonna put in a new batch if you want some of the old stuff.â
The sliding doors open.
Robin sighs as if sheâs just had a very relaxing facial, but sheâs actually holding a folded newspaper with the cryptic crossword all finished.
âI am so chilled out,â she says, with a delivery that could rival Eddie Munsonâs trademark dramatics.
âYouâre so weird,â Steve says mildly while making up a cup with the leftover chocolate ice-cream.
âYouâve just got no taste, Harrington.â She waggles the crossword at him. âYou should give âem a try.â
Steve wrinkles his nose. âIâm no good at that code-breaking stuff.â He passes her the cup, goes to start assembling his own and pauses. âHey, Munson, you want some?â
âOh, uh, Iâm good,â Eddie says, sounding suddenly wrong-footed. âSorry, Iâm just, uh, killing time before my movie starts. The other stores said if I wasnât buying anything I should get out, soâŚâ
âSo youâve come to our oceanic sanctum,â Robin deadpans.
Steve rolls his eyes. âYou know, just âcause you do crosswords doesnât mean you have to turn into a dictionary. Ow.â He doesnât quite duck in time to avoid the newspaper smacking him in the face. He turns to address Eddie again, who appears to be fighting back laughter. âWhatâre you gonna see, Munson?â
Eddieâs eyes glance away for a second. âSomething very scary and befitting of my stature, Harrington.â
Robin, whoâs made a habit of memorising the mallâs movie schedules, checks her watch and narrows her eyes. âReturn to Oz?â
Eddieâs cheeks start to glow. âFuck off, Buckley, Iâve never liked you.â
âYouâre such a liar, Iâve heard your applause at band practiceââ
âOkay, but,â Steve cuts in, jumping up onto the counter with one hand. âI thought the whole point was Oz was a dream. How can she return toâ?â
âChrist, I donât know, Harrington,â Eddie says. âI didnât pick it for critical analysis; the poster had a dude with a pumpkin head on it, and I thought it looked cool.â
âOh, I saw that,â Robin says. âMade me think of when all those pumpkins went bad. Like, imagine if they had faces.â
Unthinkingly, Steve says around his ice-cream spoon, âNo way, Iâm not dealing with that, too.â
âExcusez-moi?â Robin says.
âHmm?â Steve says innocently.
âHey, you missed quite a show earlier on, Buckley,â Eddie says. âReckon Harrington deserves a tally in the âyou ruleâ column.â
Steve glares at Robin. âI told you to keep that outta view of the customers.â
âAh, but Iâm not buying anything,â Eddie points out, âergo, not a customer.â
âErgo,â Steve mimics.
âThat board is strictly for romantic successes,â Robin says.
Eddie snorts. âAw, thatâs hardly fair. I think it should have more⌠rounded criteria.â
Robinâs eyes narrow again. âEddie Munson, youâve never complimented a jock in your life, donât start now.â
âHey,â Steve says, overselling a âwoundedâ expression. âIâm more than that, yâknow. I contain multitudes.â
âSure,â Eddie says, smiling. âFolks, weâve got Hawkinsâs own Whitman right here.â
Steve flips him off and, on a whim, decides to channel his inner Dustin.
âMaybe I just see the world more clearly than you two âcause Iâm free of societal constraints.â
âYouâre working in a mall,â Robin says.
âHigh school societal contraints. I am unshackled and ergo, free.â
âDamn,â Eddie says, patting down his pockets for an imaginary pen, âI should use that.â
âStop inflating Harringtonâs ego and go catch your totally scary movie,â Robin says.
Eddie checks his own watch. âOh, shit. Um.â And Steve thinks that it almost looks like heâs reluctant to leave. âTime flies, I guess. Better go ashore.â He catches Steveâs eye, gives a tiny little salute as he leaves. âMay your summer continue to be mundane and manager-less.â
âYouâre a poet, Munson,â Steve says, even though Eddieâs already out the door.
âSo what was the show I missed?â Robin says. âI couldnât hear anything back there.â
âNothing that exciting.â
Steve tells her, and even though a smile tugs at her mouth as he re-enacts his mime, for some reason her eyes are kinda sad for most of it.
âGood job, Popeye,â she says thoughtfullyâand though it directly contradicts her own words, she marks up a singular âyou ruleâ tally for the rest of her shift before wiping it off.
Eddie doesnât re-appear after the movieânot that Steveâs keeping track of time, or anythingâbut at least they donât have anymore nightmares for customers. As Steve mops, he thinks about how Dustinâs return from Camp Something Something is approachingâand the fact that heâs circled the date with a goofy smiley face is between him and his bedroom calendar.
He smiles to himself while clocking out of the now ghostly mall, recalling Eddieâs parting words.
The thought of a mundane, manager-less summer stretching before him sounds pretty damn good.
#i think this is my first scoops fic! had fun putting in some silly foreshadowing â¤ď¸#steve and robin#pre steddie#steddie#steddie ficlet#steddie fic#eddie and robin#steve x eddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#briefly implied homophobia
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Ever since he can remember, everyone has always said Steve looked like his Mama.
He acts like her tooâthat persistent kindness and protectiveness for the people they love, the ability to talk to people with relative ease, even the propensity for having a bit of an attitude. Even his soft brown eyes and the texture of his hair, all of it was Maggie Harrington.
Maggie always said that Steve was her greatest accomplishment, one of her best friends. She was so proud of her son, first for being Hawkins High's first All-State Champ in swimming and then for being a good role model in town. She'd missed the moment when he began to distance from her, from his parents, until she hardly knew anything about his life. She thinks it might've been because of Robert.
Steve Harrington could only have the best in store for him, which is why she'd allowed Robert to be tough with him. He knew what it meant to build a good future, what it would take to find happiness and stability. So she'd let Robert yell at him for throwing a party at their house and allowing a poor girl to go missing there. And she'd thought it had worked, based on the way Steve started bringing around sweet Nancy Wheeler and stopped hanging out with the Hagan boy. She thought it had worked.
When the Harringtons came home from their last business trip to Chicago, Steve was being dropped off by Police Chief Hopper. It looked like he'd been in a fight, and as much was confirmed when the Chief told him to stay out of trouble. Robert had been furious, ready to lay into Steve about the Harrington name and respectability, but then a group of kids Maggie didn't recognize tumbled out of the car, too, all hugging Steve and thanking him. He was their hero, they'd told the Harringtons, Steve was the best babysitter ever. Steve had never showed interest in babysitting before, but the way all of those kids so clearly looked up to him had Maggie in near tears.
Maggie had a feeling the mall job was a mistake. She'd felt it the moment Robert made the decision, loudly proclaiming that their son would learn what it was like to work a tough job, that he'd realize how lucky he had it that there was a family business he could be hired in. Maggie hated the humiliated look their Steven had given the first time he set out for the mall in that sailor's uniform, but her husband knew what it was like to be a teen boy, surely he had Steve's best interests at heart.
But then she'd gotten the call that there had been a fire, that Steve was involved and they needed to get down to the hospital. If she thought the fight in '84 looked bad, then nothing could have prepared her for the sight of her son in that hospital bed, vomiting profusely into a container and wincing through the obvious pain in his head. The morning after, that same group of kids fought the hospital staff to visit Steve, demanded it. The one with curly hair and the youngest girl loudly proclaimed that Steve had saved their lives, that he'd risked himself to make sure they were safe. Her baby was an actual goddamn town hero and she'd almost missed it, she almost never knew because she was too busy worrying about his future.
Maggie stopped worrying about family names and legacies, after that. She was the first to ask how his shifts at the movie store were and never minded when his talkative friend came over for dinner. Maggie kept waiting for the moment Steve would admit the two of them were dating, but he kept insisting they were friends, best friends.
She never saw Eddie Munson coming.
After the fourth tragedy to befall Steve, Maggie was convinced he needed to get out of Hawkins before it destroyed him. No one could find Steve in the immediate aftermath of the earthquake. He wasn't at the shelter, or the hospital, or with any other search parties. She'd worried briefly that the serial killer had gotten him, too, that they'd have to see what was so horrific about the method of killing that had left the town sparking a witch hunt for the guy.
He was found later at the Munson trailer, wearing military-style gear and bleeding out from his abdomen and neck. Maggie would never understand how an earthquake could cause that level of damage, nor the kind that was found on Eddie Munson just beside him. When Steve had woken up in the hospital, he'd simply told her that he couldn't talk about it, that it was better if she didn't know. She thinks that might be true.
Once Steve recovered, he stayed by the Munson boy's bedside every day. He'd bring a book, or a hacky sack, anything to keep himself busy while Eddie slept off his injuries. And when he came home, Steve was with him constantly. They were volunteering, he'd told her.
Then one day, months after the earthquake, Steve came home looking nervous.
"Mom." Maggie ached for the days when he'd come waddling into the living room screaming Mama, missed when he felt like he could tell her everything. When had that disappeared? "I need to tell you something."
"Of course, Stevie. You can tell me anything." Steve winced in the way she figured he would: they both know that hadn't been true in years.
Steve shuffled on his feet, wrung his hands together and worried them through his hair. Finally he stood ramrod straight, eyes focused directly on hers as he blurted the truth out. "Mom, I like guys. And girls. It's called being bisexual and I'm not sorry for it. I can pack a bag tonight if I have to, but I won't pretend anymore. I won't."
It was supposed to be scary. Maggie knows the version of her four years ago would have been terrified by the statement, angry or upset. Maybe she still is a little scared, only because she knows what the world is like for people who are different. She used to be upset by people who were different. In '83, she might've kicked Steve out for the fear of it all. But looking at him now, she saw the kid who drove those middle schoolers to the arcade because he could, and who saved peoples' lives in the mall at the near expense of his own, the guy who believed Eddie Munson was innocent even when the entire town had turned on him out of fear of the Other. She saw Steve Harrington, her darling son who'd grown up before she even realized it, becoming far greater a man than she could have ever hoped for.
"How long have you two been dating? You and Eddie Munson?" Maggie asked gently, a smile working its way on her face. She'd wondered why he hadn't dated anyone after Nancy, but maybe it was simply that he wasn't telling her about that part of his life anymore.
Steve's eyes widened, lips parting like he was surprised by the response. He floundered a little, looking around for an explanation. "Um. Since last summer, we met at the mall. How did you...?"
Maggie laughed then, far brighter than it ever had been in years. "I know when my son's in love. I just didn't know where to look, didn't notice the answer was right there."
"You're not...mad? Disappointed?"
"Honey," Maggie sighed, taking a few steps forward so she could grab onto his arms. "Steven Robert Harrington, you are my son. I will always love you, no matter what. I'm so sorry I ever ever made you feel otherwise. All I've ever wanted for you is happiness, and if that's with Eddie Munson then that's that."
"Mom," Steve croaked, voice cracking around the word as he pulled her in for a hug. She could feel him shake in her arms, sniffling like he was trying to hide the tears. "Do you want to meet him? Eddie, I mean, do you want to...?"
"He's outside?"
"He came over to support me, in case we needed to, well." In case his parents were kicking him out. God, where had they gone so wrong? "Do you want to?"
"Please," Maggie answered quietly, knowing this wouldn't be enough to make up for the years of wrong they'd done. She wanted to know her son, wanted to know the people who made him happiest. She wanted to hear about his day and know that if something ever went wrong that he would call his parents himself, not wait for the hospital or the police to do so. "Please."
Then Steve was bringing in Eddie Munson, who stood out in the pristine, polished Harrington home but who made Maggie's son's eyes light up in a way she'd never seen them. He was smiling, holding his hand out for a handshake.
"Mama, this is Eddie," Steve was saying, and Maggie could cry because it felt like she'd done something right, because she could see how deeply in love Steve was with Eddie because it was a mirror of her own expression when she looked at Robert. This was her son, and her future son-in-law, and Maggie couldn't be prouder.
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#mrs harrington#implied homophobia#but like the harringtons are cool#stranger things#steddie ficlet#steddie headcanon#jay writes in theory
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The thing is, Steve has learned, that becoming untouchable isn't all he wants it to be.
People were too quick to try and reach out for him, ask for more than he was willing to give. He hadn't wanted to give up his first kiss to some random girl at some random boy's twelfth birthday party because of spin the bottle. He hadn't wanted to play Seven Minutes in Heaven with Jenny Jackson or Linda Simons at Tommy's birthday party the following year. He did want to take Mary Linscott to Snow Ball, but she just wanted to make out behind the bleachers instead of dance with him. He didn't want to do that but then Brian called him stupid for not wanting to, and asked if he was queer. So, Steve had turned right back around and dragged Mary back under the bleachers, kissing her until it was time to go to prove Brian wrong.
(Even though Steve knows Brian isn't wrong. That Steve had wanted to ask Brian to the dance as much as he'd wanted to ask Mary but knew better than to do that. He saw how they treated Eddie Munson last year for the suspicion of liking other boys and Steve wasn't going to let that happen to himself.)
Brian had congratulated him after and asked what base he got to. Steve didn't want to get to any bases, but he couldn't say that, so he just punched Brian in the arm and said 'more bases than you' which was true because Brian's date didn't kiss him even once.
Then Carol Perkins approached him at lunch, shortly after Snow Ball, and asked if Steve would be her first kiss. Not because she wanted to kiss Steve, but because she wanted to kiss Tommy H, but didn't want to be bad at kissing. Steve agreed because he liked Carol. Not in the way she liked Tommy, but mostly because she'd asked.
No one had done that yet.
She came over to his house on a Saturday because she didn't want Tommy to catch them and think she didn't like him. They made out in his room because, despite his parents being home, they didn't really care who was in his room with him or if the door was open or shut. Probably didn't even notice he had someone over. She leaves an hour later.
By Tuesday Tommy and Carol are an item and by Friday they were Steve's best friends.
However, for reasons Steve doesn't understand, more girls keep asking him to be their first kiss. And maybe it's because he's already got a reputation, or maybe Carol let slip he'd said yes when she asked, but Steve finds himself kissing a lot of girls he doesn't want to. He doesn't know how to say no. Can't find a reason too. Brian's words play in the back of his mind every time he thinks about saying no.
(Are you stupid? Are you queer? He doesn't want to be either of those things, and given his grade in biology and pre-algebra, he's really only got a hope of avoiding the queer label. His father would tolerate a stupid son. He doesn't think he'd survive if his father had a queer one.)
There are a few girls he's been crushing on that ask him and that was nice. One, Alice Baker, even becomes his girlfriend for a month. His first relationship.
Soon eighth grade gives way to being a freshman and Steve, who has always been handsome and cute, catches the eye of upperclassmen now.
And Steve's not sure how it happens, but he ends up moving past first base with another girl whose name he can't remember, or possibly never knew. He doesn't remember asking her for hers when she led him into one of the bedrooms at the house this party was at while he was way too tipsy.
And then it just grows. The reputation and what people expect from him, and he doesn't want it, but he's never said no before so can he start now? Doesn't he need a reason to say no? If he doesn't have a reason, does that make him queer? He should be wanting this. What boy doesn't want this?
And maybe he does want it. But not like this.
He doesn't want to be slightly drunk at yet another party, following the first girl that grabs his wrist and pulls him after her into whatever secluded area they can find. He doesn't want to keep saying yes when he wants to say no.
The summer between freshman and sophomore year he confides in Carol. It's a risk. Carol can be cruel, quick with her words to tear you down, to spread the rumor that will ruin your life. But she's also fiercely loyal.
He tells her he's tired of kissing people he doesn't want to.
Carol is quiet for a long time, and Steve almost thinks he's made a mistake. But then she speaks.
"Okay. Let's make a plan."
And they do. Then suddenly Steve is untouchable. Carol teaches him how to see the weakness in people and call it out. How to wield his facial expressions as a weapon and a shield. How to put on the air of being the most important person everywhere you go so well that everyone else begins to believe it. How to fall back on the fact his parents are rich, gone often, and, almost most importantly, well known in the community. It gives Steve's name a weight to throw around.
More importantly, all of that culminates in people no longer asking things of him. Instead, they look to him to take the lead, they wait to be asked. It makes Steve feel in charge of his life for once.
But now.
Now, years later, having survived a spring break from Hell and averted the apocalypse, Steve watches Eddie hang off Argyle with ease, fling an arm over Jonathan's shoulder while laughing at a joke, easily pull Dustin into a headlock or wrestling match.
Easy touches that Steve should be able to do, too. A jealousy wells inside him almost as much as the unease he feels in his stomach at the mere thought of letting them know they're allowed to reach out and touch him, too. That Eddie's allowed to reach out and touch.
But then he remembers what happened when he let people have that power over him and he can't bring himself to do it.
It settles in Steve, then, the realization. When you become untouchable, you're unable to touch.
-
@nburkhardt @i-less-than-three-you adding my own lil bit of angst into the mix now (:
#pre steddie#my fic#cw dubious consent#internalized homophobia#steve kisses a lot of people he doesnt want to because of peer pressure and his own fear of not fitting in#it is also implied steve has sex with people when he didnt really want to#steve harrington has bad parents#touch-starved steve#also if you know the song that last line is from i am smooching the top of your head softly
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Wait. Wait. Kinda part 2 to this post. For the angst of it all. Cw: implied and assumed homophobia
Because sure, after that dinner Joyce relents in not being, y'know, openly confused or frustrated with Steve being around. El obviously adores him and Jim is always glad when he comes around. Joyce can put up with Steve for them. But she's a stubborn woman, and somewhere in her mind, Steve is a Bad Egg. So she's still not 100% on board.
All this rears its head one night after a lot of their world saving group has had a movie night and ended up in a puddle on the floor. Steve is squished between Robin and Eddie, snuggled up all cozy. Joyce sees this when she quietly pads out of her bedroom to just. Check on the kids.
Eddie and Steve are sat up, Robin's face pressed against his hip. They're whispering something, heads leaned close. And they lean in further, silhouetted by the moonlight filtering in, and kiss. It's pretty chaste, though not a peck.
Joyce's blood boils. Steve has a girlfriend, he should not be going around kissing his friends like that, stringing them all along. She feels strangely vindicated, that her assumptions about Steve were right, that he wasn't actually a good guy or had changed at all. She almost yells at him then and there, but holds off. No need to wake everyone up. She can lecture him in the morning.
Once everyone is fed and lounging in the late morning, she pulls Steve out onto the porch.
"I saw you kiss Eddie last night" she says, without preamble. "And I cannot believe you would think behaviour like that is acceptable in my house."
Steve blinks, clenches his jaw. "Jo--Mrs Byers. I--"
"I don't want any of your excuses! It's despicable what you're doing, and I won't have it. For whatever reason, those kids look up to you. What kind of example are you setting for them? For El?" Steve's eyes widen, and if Joyce hadn't been so caught up with her anger she probably would have seen that instead of being ashamed or embarrassed, Steve is scared. "She looks up to you so much, though I can't imagine why. You need to clean yourself up, Steve. For real this time. You can't go around doing whatever you want. It's disgusting and disrespectful. Did you even consider the people you'd hurt? How doing shit like that would affect the lives of people who care about you? They deserve better than that." She shakes her head. Arms crossed. Steve is tense in front of her, but he doesn't say anything. To her, that's as good as confession. "Everyone talks about how you've worked hard to improve yourself, become a better person. But after last night? I just don't believe it. No one who's really changed, really a good person, would do what you did." She sighs. "You should probably leave now."
Steve nods stiffly. "Right. I'll. Uh, I leave. Can you...please, don't tell anyone, ma'am. I'll Grab my bag and I'll get outta your hair, but don't tell. I'm so sorry. Please." She purses her lips. His girlfriend deserves to know, but Joyce has no clue who that is (it might be the Robin girl attached to his hip, but she has no way of knowing). She nods once. Steve's shoulders slump.
Stepping back into the house, Steve quickly and jerkily snags his backpack from the corner it was shoved into before leaning over to whisper something in Robin's ear. The girl nods, looking worried.
He doesn't look at Eddie.
For a while, her house is Steve-free. Joyce breathes easy, hoping their talk was a wake-up call for steve. He is painfully polite when they bump into each other, Robin usually by his side with a strained customer service smile. Small talk is non-existent.
But then Will starts getting quieter. Maybe avoiding her. Certainly does his best to be small and doesn't look in her eyes. She has no idea what's going on, and she's worried.
What if the Upside Down came back? What if there's something wrong with her boy? What if everything they've fought for and sacrificed didn't mean anything and it's never actually over?
She tries to talk to him, but he shrugs her off, says he's fine and not to worry about it. Assures her it is definitely not the Upside Down.
Finally, after two weeks of Will looking absolutely miserable when he talks to her, she gets Jonathan to try. Tension around the house is high, Steve is barely around and always skitters away when he sees her, and in combination with will, it's out everyone on edge.
She doesn't mean to eavesdrop. But she doesn't not mean to either. It's just that they're on the porch, and she was in the kitchen and heard something, and when she went to see, she heard them talking.
"it's not--i want to tell you but it's not my secret to tell."
Jonathan sighs. "Will. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. Please. Talk to me. I'll love you no matter what, you know that."
Will heaves a breath. "I had a talk with Steve --" and oh, the rage in Joyce's chest when she hears that. What did he say to her boy?? "And...uhg. fuck. Okay, you have to swear, swear! You're not going to tell anyone what I'm going to tell you. If you figure it out, because I don't. It's not mine to tell."
"okay. I swear. I won't go spilling Steve's secrets."
"you have to mean it, Jonathan. It's dangerous!"
There's ruffling fabric. Jonathan's voice is softer. "I promise."
"Steve said he was telling me because he thought we might be...similar. In some ways. And he talked about who he's dating. And that Hopper and El and Robin and Eddie know. And that they're all safe. Y'know? Like you are."
"okay..."
"and I said you were, and he said that was really good, and then emphasized that if I ever wanted like, and actual grown up to talk to, not just another teenager, Hopper was safe. But. The way he said it made it seem like...I don't know, but something was off? And I asked him." There's a pause. "I asked him if Mom knew. And he said yes. But he hadn't... Before that, he hadn't said she was safe. Jonathan..."
Something...wasn't adding up. Joyce was trying to puzzle what she wouldn't be safe to talk to about. She'd been in the tunnels and Upside Down and through it all. Her children, and by extension the children that had helped save them, were always safe in her house. To come to her if they felt unsafe. Why Steve would tell her own son she wasn't --
Will continued. "Steve said that it'd probably be different because I'm her kid, y'know? She--she did all this stuff to get me back and to keep me safe and loves me. So she could. So she'd maybe change her mind. For me."
"Will..." Jonathan's voice sounds pained.
"but what if she's not? What if that's where it ends? Shell save me from a demogorgon but not love me for this. Steve's saved my friends half a dozen times, Jonathan! He got--he got tortured" that is not something Joyce knew. When the hell did that happen? "with Robin to protect Dustin and Erica, Billy beat him half to death when he stepped in to protect Lucas and Max! He's good! I'm not as close to him as the others but he still told me. He trusted me enough with a secret that I can't even say outloud about myself yet! And Mom still-" will hiccups, and Joyce wishes she knew what he was talking about. Wishes he was saying these things to her, so she could comfort him.
Heaving a breath, Will is quieter. "Steve's the reason no one's died. He's El's first brother. And she still called him disgusting for-- for kissing someone he loves."
Ice fills Joyce's veins, a heavy pit balls in her stomach. Because that's not--she didn't--it wasn't like that.
But Steve had begged her not to tell anyone. Had stood still and not tried to justify anything and called her ma'am when he asked her not to tell. Held himself still when she was around and bolted at the first possible opportunity, leaving disappointed people in his wake. Oh, shit. Oh, she's fucked up so badly. Hurt some kid because she was suspicious of him from over three years ago and assumed the worst. Instead of realizing that maybe the reason he and his girlfriend were keeping it quiet was because he didn't have a girlfriend at all, and that the boy he kissed that night was his boyfriend, she had just assumed he was cheating. And then she'd told him he was disappointing and disgusting and a bad influence on the kids. Even after, he still made sure Will knew there were safe people around, that he'd have someone to talk to. And all she'd done was make him scared of her.
"oh, buddy."
Will's voice is muffled, and Jonathan has probably pulled him into a hug. It cracks when he speaks. "how can she say that about Steve but still love me? When so much of this shit's been my fault?"
"none of this is your fault. Don't believe that, will. No one blames you or El for any of it. You know that, right?"
"okay..."
"it's true. And as for mom...I don't know." Jonathan huffs "I'm not sure. I'm sorry, buddy."
Joyce turns then, feeling sick. She shouldn't have eavesdropped on her children, but now she had she was going to make things right. Hopefully.
Ensure everyone, including Steve, knew she was safe.
Part 3
#joyce byers#will byers#steve Harrington#jonathan byers#steddie#stranger things#steve and el#is implied its more in the first bit#finda writes stuff#finda's rambles#misunderstanding#implied homophobia#joyce doesn't like steve au#add the part 3/part 2.5 link two days later sorry pals
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CW: Homophobia Interviewer: "So, Ladybug, Chat Noir, with pride month starting, do you have anything you'd like to say on the topic?" Ladybug, taking the microphone: "I just want all my queer siblings out there to know I see you and I love each and every one of you! I myself, am actually bi and a demigirl. I use she/they pronouns." Random heckler: "Burn in hell, fruit!" Ladybug turning to them like the fucking Terminator: "I WILL FUCKING DROP YOU OVER MY KNEE AND SNAP YOU LIKE THE USELESS, UNWANTED, STALE PRETZEL STICK YOU ARE! DON'T FUCKING TEST ME YOU LIMP-DICK-SON-OF-A-BITCH, COME HERE!" Chat Noir taking the microphone from LB before she runs off: "I have a really amazing boyfriend and I just wanna say how much I love him~"
#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#chat noir#adrien agreste#demigirl marinette#gender queer marinette#miraculous incorrect quotes#ml incorrect quotes#adrino#implied adrino#lukadrien#implied lukadrien#homophobia#queerphobia#pride month#bi marinette#bisexual#pan adrien#pansexual#demigirl
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Itâs not my fault! Iâm not to blame. It is that wretched girl, the witch who sent this flame!
Inspired by @sharkscene âs tags
#to be clear itâs not her going to hell itâs her being terrified of it#heaven isnât threatening her either sheâs just breaking down from fear#vaggies the one ending up in hell after this#this was supposed to be a shitty sketch. again. I need self control I need restraint#ten productive and healthy ways to deal with your severe internalized homophobia! one: Kill Her#[my art]#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel spoilers#(vaguely)#lute#vaggie x lute#lute x vaggie#fallenwings#âŚ..#luggie#itâs only implied but that Is what it is#Ik what the songs about but itâs real funny to imagine that she had (1) romantic thought about her sparring partner#and immediately freaked out like this#not the cover I initially had in mind but itâs the only fem one I can find that doesnât. slur#(use a slur. I mean)
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Jin Ling: Master Sleuth
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin ling#When you're so good at acting gay that you manage to fool even *this* fruity kid#Jin Ling's internalized homophobia once again saves the day#What a world we live in.#Jin Ling really said âSorry my uncle's gaydar is so bad. Go out and frolic in the forest or whatever.â#Sure MXY's reputation helps out *and* the fact wwx was playing into that reputation#but at this point wwx has not caught feelings. This might imply that JL might actually have a good gaydar#The power is stored in his antenna. It's actually magnetized and repelled by magnetic forces similar to its own.#I ended up cutting it from the script but I really love the convo that follows this moment.#the 'two phrases' scene means so much to me. Its about realizing that there are times you *need* to put your pride aside#It doesn't matter if you feel its 'cringe' or makes you look bad. You can't connect with others up high on your self-made pedestal#I could go on but I'll leave it there for now B*)
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-đ
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical âboyâ clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Angsty Ghostsoap Idea of the day: 'Johnny, I'm on my way'
Soap calls Ghost at 2am during their leave after days of silence, a sobbing mess. Soap loved his family to bits, they were all very close and affectionate.
Then he came out to them.
Ghost can hear his broken heart as he drunkenly tells him through the tears how they reacted. What they called him. How his father's fist felt. How his mother's sweet eyes looked full of fury and betrayal. What the priest sounded like trying to cast the demon out of him. How the rain tasted when he left at their demand. How suffocating the cheap motel room felt, his phone still pining with texts from his brother calling him a selfish disgrace. A disappointment. Filthy.
A beat of silence, Soap is about to apologize for bothering his Lt at 2am for a drunken selfish call, making himself a burden to others once again. Then Soap heard the rushed shuffle of clothes and the clink of keys on the line.
"Stay where you are, Johnny. I'm on my way."
#johnny soap mactavish#cod mwii#soapghost#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#cod mw2#john soap mactavish#implied homophobia#soap's catholic family
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favourite fics featuring halloween? (thank you guys for all your work!)
Here are some spooktacular fics for you! You may notice we often point out where a fic has been recced before. If you like the theme or mood of a fic, chances are you will find more like it in the ask where it was featured. -A
previous recs:
Staff Recs Oct 2020 Halloween/Spookiness here
Staff Recs Oct 2021 - Halloween here
Staff Recs Oct 2021 - More Halloween: Costumes, Fluff & Crack here
foxes in a haunted house here
supernatural compilation here
autumnal/spooky fics here
Flavors of Fall by NikNak22 [Rated E, 146194 Words, Complete, 2022]
Previously recced here
âŚNeilâs not the only one with secrets in this town. Everyone seems to have something theyâve kept hidden in the dark. And as soon as one thread gets pulled, they all seem to come unraveled⌠Featuring second chances, making mistakes, budding relationships, and as many fall shenanigans as possible â welcome to the smalltown world of Palmetto!
tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: panic attacks, tw: homophobia, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: self harm, tw: animal abuse
Fang and Stake by darkbluebox [Rated T, 2658 Words, Complete, 2020]
Previously recced here
For most hunters, it would have been a wet dream: his quarry beaten, bleeding, trapped and prone before him. He might as well have been holding a stake on a silver platter. If it had been any other vampire in the world, Andrew wouldnât have hesitated to drive the splintering chunk of wood through his chest and be done with it. Unfortunately, Neil wasnât any other vampire.
tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced abuse
swing me your bones by sundowne [Rated T, 3447 Words, Complete, 2022]
Ditched parties, neglected movies, cold cocoa.
Sugar & Spice (and everything... nice?) by Willow_bird [Rated T, 7468 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Fall 2020]
Previously recced here
âIâm not going as Tombo.â Heâd end up looking like Whereâs Waldo if heâd been a short angry bodybuilder and no one wanted that. Reneeâs little smile hinted at her having a similar visual. âI think I may have something that would require few changes to what youâre wearing now and would be minimal hassle altogether.â Andrew accompanies Renee to a Halloween party, allowing his best friend to dictate his costume because he really couldnât be paid to care. Then he gets there, and yeah, his crush is wearing the exact same costume. Feelings happen.
deadly encounters by jeanyvesmoreau [Rated T, 4012 Words, Complete, AFTG Halloween Zine 2022, Locked]
Neil, trying to avoid Halloween celebrations once again, finds his way into the dark corner of a bar. There, he meets Andrew. Or, how Neil Josten discovers vampires are real after hundreds of years he's been alive.
tw: violence, tw: blood
Cryptid Serial Killer Witch Man by attfna [Rated M, 17008 Words, Complete, 2020]
Previously recced here
Just a story about your typical, spooky cryptic and his curious gardener.
tw: scars, tw: explicit sexual content
open season by nomadicdeer (someonestolemycoffee) [Rated G, 2287 Words, Complete, 2017]
Previously recced here
Dan declares open season just before Halloween. Featuring andreil kisses, misuse of brussel sprouts, Matt in lingerie, and more.
5 times realisation struck Neil & 1 time he acted on it by alex_wh0 [Rated T, 7503 Words, Complete, AFTG Fall Exchange 2020]
Previously recced here
"Neil looked across the room at Andrew and felt a surge of affection so intense that it stuck in his throat. He wondered how someone who had rolled out of bed barely an hour ago could have the audacity to make him feel like this." or Five times Neil Josten had a realisation and one time he did something about it.
if you're just tuning in walk into the light by orphan_account [Rated T, 8824 Words, Complete, 2020]
Previously recced here
Andrew runs a small shop in Palmetto with his brother. It's monotonous. He takes care of his plants, makes tinctures, provides minimal customer service, and teases Kevin for his heart eyes over Aaron. It's boring, but it's good. And then Wymack hires someone new, and some things change.
The endless mental math required to simply survive. by melbopo [Rated T, 17400 Words, Complete, 2021]
Free booze and candy at Seth's expense for his frat's Halloween party on Friday? Say no more, Andrew will be there, mandatory costume and all. Perhaps Matt's new Exy loving stray will even occupy Kevin for the whole night so he doesn't give Andrew inane lectures about wasting talent and potential on intramural teams, leaving him to drink his free alcohol in blissful peace. Really, the simple mental math checks out in his favor on this one. ~~~~ (alternative title: Andrew Minyard and his acquaintances [that are actually his friends])
tw: homophobia
aaron's lament by nanatsuyu [Rated T, 9061 Words, Complete, AFTG Fall Exchange 2021, Locked]
Previously recced here
It's the first holiday Katelyn and Aaron have hosted in their own apartment. Katelyn thinks it'll be fun. Aaron thinks there are far too many people in his home.
An Unpleasant Surprise by justdk [Rated T, 3689 Words, Complete, 2018]
Previously recced here
Neil's visit to the haunted house is not fun. At all.
tw: panic attacks
best thing by exactly13percent_OLD (hymbeaux) [Rated M, 4117 Words, Complete, 2019]
Previously recced here
Aaron has 48 hours off. Kevin has a party to attend. They both have unanswered questions.
firsts by exactly13percent_OLD (hymbeaux) [Rated G, 6270 Words, Complete, 2019]
Previously recced here
Andrew and Neil have fostered Clara and Riley for a little over a year. It's their first Halloween. It's taken a while for both kids to become comfortable, and tonight is for them.
Say something, say yes by DeyaAmaya [Rated T, 2851 Words, Complete, 2018]
Previously recced here
'I can't leave. I need to say goodbye to your son. I can't leave like this.' Mary smiles. Andrew feels a shiver down his spine. Her lips don't move, but he can hear her voice clear as a bell. 'You're not saying goodbye to him.'
tw: major character injury
House To Haunt by moonix [Rated M, 65356 Words, Complete, 2023, Locked]
This fic is a choose your own adventure game! Follow Kevin as he explores an abandoned mansion with a Fox companion of your choice. You can discover different parts of the mansion, learn about its previous owners' history, romance Kevin's companion, collect interesting items, solve puzzles, rescue Kevin and his friends from a variety of sticky situations... and then do it all over again! !!Please make sure to read the instructions at the beginning before you start playing!!
Something Out of Nothing by Aquared46 [Rated E, 20831 Words, Complete, AFTG Fall Exchange 2024]
Foxâs Hollow had attracted tourists for decades with its haunted history and Halloween festivals. A resident for many years, Andrew doesn't believe in ghosts or hauntings, but when his workplace is being investigated by ghosthunters, he spends his early hours with a man far more intriguing and haunted than a ghost could ever be.
tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced torture
it's almost halloween by reaching_my_summit [Rated T, 2677 Words, Complete, 2017]
Part 3 of this is something, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 5 here, part 6 here
the Foxes celebrate halloween together at Eden's. someone flirts with Andrew. Neil is not about that.
do you like scary movies? by Ominous, Stjosten [Rated T, 22519 Words, Complete, 2020]
Previously recced here
To say Andrew has never seen the benefit in the make-believe would be a lie. However, he finds less and less use for it as he grows older. He especially fails to see the benefits of anything from the horror genre; heâs made plenty of his own mistakes, has seen more than enough to terrify him in his life. He doesnât need to rely on jump scares and idiotic protagonists. But when he meets Neil, self-proclaimed horror archivist, he finds that maybe he never gave the genre the credit it was due, and he ends up thanking the dull movies eventually⌠They lead him to Neil, the realest thing he��s ever known.
pumpkin heads by moonix [Rated T, 4278 Words, Complete, 2023, Locked]
Tonight is the night. Halloween, Andrew and Neil's last night working at the pumpkin patch, and the night Andrew is finally going to ask Kevin out. If only they could find Kevin... (Based on the graphic novel Pumpkin Heads, but you don't need to have read it to understand the fic.)
Andrew Minyard Loves Fall (and will fight anyone who doesnât) by mareofthesky [Rated G, 11074 Words, Complete, 2022]
Andrew is trying to enjoy his favorite season in peace, but a certain Mystery Man keeps popping up out of nowhere. With a long string of aliases, an infuriating mouth, and striking features, he's managed to catch Andrew's attention in a way that not many can. Andrew can't seem to get the menace out of his head, but he's beginning to think he doesn't want to.
NB: authorâs fall spotify playlist here
skylight by djhedy [Rated T, 5560 words, Complete, AFTG Fall Exchange 2020]
Previously recced here
neil moves to a pro team, a new apartment, in a new city, and is held up by his friends. and by a series of mysterious gifts left on his doormat.
What if We Held Hands in our Pyjama Pants by transjorts [Rated T, 9301 Words, Complete, 2021]
A very soft, autumn-themed high school au in which Andrew, Aaron and Nicky are the new kids and Neil accidentally catches feelings.
tw: dysphoria, tw: transphobia, tw: implied/referenced child abuse
Art
aftghalloweenzine cosplay by @foxy-exy
your favorite emotional support sapphics art by @kashjsnsndnan
Renison as Witch and vampire art by @pria-png
adoptive!Bee halloween and happy halloween! art by @deklo
andreil halloween costumes art by @manekkii-art
andreil halloween costumes art by @lunapiq
All family together art by @kurra
the foxes in their costumes art by @jojen-hewitt
Neil and Andrew in Edenâs outfits + Halloween art by @fabulousmisfits
happy halloween, foxes art by @jeannemaybedarc
Put âem up and Neil costume comic art by @emry-stars-art
Halloween party⌠art by @stiigex
Halloween andreil makeup meme art by @jesperandwylansittinginnatree
AngelJean and DevilJeremy art by @blablablabel
#staff fave#neil josten/andrew minyard#kevin day/aaron minyard#katelyn/aaron minyard#andrew minyard & the foxes#au: high school#au: no exy#au: vampires#au: roommates#au: bakery#au: magic#au: choose your own adventure#universe: post canon#theme: halloween#theme: haunted house#theme: costume party#theme: mutual pining#theme: cats#aftg exchange#zine#tw: homophobia#tw: transphobia#tw: dysphoria#tw: self harm#tw: animal abuse#tw: panic attacks#tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon#tw: implied/referenced torture#tw: violence#tw: implied/referenced child abuse
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The Championship Game of 1985 is only a quarter of the way done, and Eddie is already certain that itâs not going to be a Hawkins victory.
It kinda blows, honestly. Itâs boring, like correctly guessing the ending of a movie five minutes in.
And yeah, sue him, maybe high school basketball is a legitimate source of entertainmentâhe can admit that in the safety of his own head, at least.
Take, for example, the first game of the â83 tournament, when a timeout was called with only seconds remaining: the Tigersâ last hope of winning was to miraculously sink a shot with the fraction of time they had left. The tension in the air was palpable as the team formed a huddleâEddie couldnât hear anything apart from students chanting, but he stood on his tiptoes and found a gap in the crowd, just in time to read Steve Harringtonâs lips: âIâll make it.â
And he hadâwith a goddamn stunning full-court jump shot, too, the ball falling through the net just before the buzzer sounded.
Like, come on. Eddie would only admit it under pain of death, but that definitely rivals the intensity of any worthy campaign.
But he can see none of that excitement now. The Tigers have had few opportunities to even get the ball, and whenever they do, Billy Hargrove seems to have taken it upon himself to hog the damn thing, like itâs a symbol of his masculinity.
Of course, he loses the ballâagainâand his nostrils flare with anger.
Maybe thatâs why Eddie notices it. Heâs checked out of paying attention to the game itself, instead focusing on the jaded expressions of Hargroveâs teammates.
As the ball makes its way down center court, Eddieâs eyes are instead drawn to Steve Harrington. He looks pissed, wiping sweat off his forehead and shouting what looks like some pretty choice words at Hargroveâs back.
Hargrove doesnât seem to acknowledge it, but for just a moment he goes completely still, and all Eddie can think is danger.
Itâs covert, the way itâs all done. Hargroveâs move is quick and calculated; he steps far enough away afterwards that it looks like the whole thing is the fault of a rival player.
But Eddie sees the subtle shove. Sees Steve lose his footing.
He goes down hard.
Winces ripple through the audience. Eddie hears Robin Buckley from band suck air through her teeth, then ramble, âShit, do you think itâs really bad? Beth Wildfire, on my soccer team, her bone, like, came out of her whole knee, you could see it, mustâve been six inchesââ
It doesnât look like anything as gory as that has happened; Steve is already up, and from the redness of his face, it initially seems as if the only thing thatâs been hurt is his pride.
But as Eddie sidles to the end of the front row, within earshot of the bench, he sees that Steve canât put his weight on one ankle, sees the telling way he grits his teeth while speaking.
âI can keep going,â he says, even as Jason Carverâs getting pulled up to replace him.
The coach barely spares Steve a glance, clapping Carver on the shoulder as he jogs onto the court.
âGet someone to take you over to the nurse.â
Steveâs spine goes rigid. âBut I canââ
âLook, I donât have time for this.â The coach finally looks at Steve directly, pointing a stern finger at his chest. âYouâre benched, Harrington.â
Steve visibly deflates. He opens his mouth, but no words come out, and then he glances to the side, as if suddenly aware that heâs drawing attention to himself.
This time, when his teeth clench, Eddie thinks that itâs more from embarrassment than pain.
âWhatever,â Steve mutters, and he limps out of the hallâclose enough that he clips Eddie by the shoulder as he goes.
Eddie doesnât know that heâs made a decision until heâs already moving, stepping to the side.
He turns and heads for the exit.
Thereâs a jeering call from the bench: Mark Lewinsky.
âAw, what are you gonna do, Munson? Nurse him back to health?â
Obscene moaning noises, punctuated with laughter.
Eddie rolls his eyes.
He finds Steve in the corridor, bracing himself with a hand against the wall. Thereâs a couple of pictures on the floor, class photos taken for the yearbook that had been pinned up; Steve must have inadvertently torn them down as he grappled for balance.
âGo away, Munson,â he says without looking. âGo back to the game.â
âIâve kinda lost interest,â Eddie says lightly. He manages to watch Steve take one painful step before he simply canât do it anymoreâstepping forward, he says, âChrist, Harrington, here.â
Steve jolts away from his hand. âFuck off, I donât needââ
âWell, fuck you too, then,â Eddie snaps. Somethingâs burning in his chest, a sudden and fierce hurt. âJesus Christ. You know what I am isnât fucking catching, right?â
He shocks himself by saying it.
In the silence that follows all he can think is that, for once, his dad was right: he never did learn how to shut his damn mouth.
Steveâs staring at him, pressing his back against the wall like itâs the one thing keeping him upright.
âThatâsâthatâs not whyââ He breaks off, looks completely lost.
Somewhere within Eddieâs own mortification, he takes pity on him.
He sniffs, tries to act nonchalant. âDonât hurt yourself, man.â
âNo, IâI didnât meanâŚâ Steve sighs. âIâm sorry. Thatâs notâI just meantââ He pushes off from the wall again, wobbles until his hand finds purchase. âJust meant I can do it myself.â
Eddie feels his heart rate slow. He tilts his head. Re-examines Steveâs posture: the set to his jaw, the pained determination.
Years ago, Eddie broke his wrist at the fair, thanks to an awkward crash while on the bumper cars. It was the first summer that staying at Wayneâs had become a permanent thing, and Eddie had hidden his wrist beneath the folds of his too-large leather jacket, but Wayne met him off the ride and immediately noticed (âChrissake, Ed. Iâm not mad, kid. Just⌠lemme help you?â).
Eddie tried to stay silent as he got wrapped into a splint, because anything else felt like admitting to something.
Felt shameful.
âYeah, you can,â Eddie says, shrugging. He pauses. Takes a chance. âDoesnât mean you have to, though.â
He moves forward againâslower this time. Offers his hand.
Steve takes it.
âFor the record,â he says, grunting as he shifts his weight, âI couldâve kept playing. Like, Iâve had worse.â
Yeah, Eddie thinks, you sure have.
Steve clearly hasnât sensed that Eddieâs thoughts have gone to how messed up his face was last winter, because he keeps talking.
âAnyway. My own damn fault.â A rueful grin. âDidnât plant my feet.â
âDonât,â Eddie says. âYou donât have to⌠I saw. I saw Hargrove, man.â
Steve scoffs quietly. âYeah, of course you did.â
âShit, Harrington, way to make me sound like a stalker.â
âNo, itâs justââ Steve shakes his head. âJust typical, thatâs all. Remember when the fire alarm went off, last spring? You were the only one who noticed Debbie Lyons was missing.â
âUh, so?â
Steve smiles. âSo⌠you notice things.â
Eddie doesnât know what to say.
But he gives it a try as they round another corner.
âWhat the fuck is Hargroveâs problem with you, dude?â
Steve chuckles wryly. âIâm really annoying.â
âYeah, fair enough,â Eddie says, grinning when Steve manages to elbow him in the ribs. âBut not, like, âintentionally injureâ levels of annoying. He threw the game, too.â
âHuh?â
Eddie fixes Steve with a pointed look. âTook out one of our best players.â
Steve rolls his eyes, but still looks undeniably pleased. âShuddup.â He sobers in the space of taking another step and says, âWith Hargrove, itâs⌠thereâs bigger things than basketball, yâknow?â
Eddie hears the just drop it underneath whatâs spoken. He nods.
Theyâre almost at the nurseâs office when Steve sighs. âSânot exactly how I pictured it.â
âHmm?â
âMy last game.â Steve winces slightly as they inch closer to the door; Eddie tries to take more of his weight. âHad it in my head that Iâd win, go out on a high.â
Eddieâs staring down the prospect of repeating senior year againâhe knows all about having ideas in your head that donât quite pan out.
âLife isnât like a movie, Harrington,â he says.
It comes out perhaps more fond than he intended.
For some reason, Steve starts laughing like heâs heard something downright hilarious. âYeah, gonna have to agree to disagree on that one, Munson.â
In the nurseâs office, they find out Steveâs probably got a bad sprain rather than a fracture (âSee? I totally couldâve kept playing,â Steve insists), but that he should get it checked out at the hospital, just in case.
Ice pack in one hand, Steve makes a call on the office phone, with what sounds like a morbidly curious teen on the other end: âNo, dude, thereâs no bloodâcan you be normal for, like, two seconds and put your mom on? Thank you.â
As Steve hangs up, Eddie is very aware that the right time to leave was probably five minutes ago.
He stays put.
âThis was supposed to be my last game, too,â he says.
âWas?â
Eddie clicks his tongue. âWell. Sânot confirmed yet, havenât had my last test results back. But uh, itâs kinda like the game.â He nods in the direction that they came, towards the basketball court. âI already know which way itâs gonna go.â
Thereâs no judgement in Steveâs eyes. âSorry. Mustâve been boring to watch.â
Eddie smiles. âNah, youâre good.â
He doesnât say that, in his eyes, Steveâs single-handedly given the school almost all of its memorable basketball moments. That his secret favourite one isnât even a Tigers victory: there was a game when Steve was poised to take the winning shot, and a kid from Connersville fainted.
In the few seconds of confusion, Steve couldâve still taken the shot. He couldâve won.
But as soon as he realised what was going on, he refused to.
To Eddie, that says more about him than any triumph ever could.
The phone rings again; the nurse is letting a Mrs Henderson in at the front of the school to pick up Steve.
âGuess thatâs my cue,â Eddie says, because thereâs only so many people allowed in the office at one time.
âSee you, Munson. Um, thanks, by the way. Hope next yearâs championship is, uh, better.â
Thereâs something in the way he says it, like even while still in the building, heâs drifting away, high school in his rear view mirror.
Oh, Eddie thinks wistfully, youâre already halfway outta here, arenât you?
Goddamnit. I might actually miss you, Steve Harrington. You and your stupid hair.
âHmm, canât see myself going to watch next year.â
âOh, yeah? How come?â
Eddie lingers in the doorway. Maybe itâs the fact that in a few weeks theyâre never gonna see each other again. Maybe that helps him say it. Makes him a little braver.
Heâs never learned to shut his damn mouth.
âMy favourite playerâs leaving,â he says.
And sure, he leaves barely a second later; heâs not that brave.
But he stays just long enough to catch Steveâs smile: startled, pleased, and perhaps just a little shyâlike heâs made the winning shot after all.
#i just love the thought that Eddie used to secretly enjoy basketball âfor some reasonâ â¤ď¸#pre steddie#steddie#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve x eddie#implied homophobia
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Uncle Mullet whoâs not from my universe how the FUCK did you fumble THAT bad. Youâre probably bisexual who the hell cares, man.
-@formerquestionmarkmp
I DONT KNOW, ALSO WHO ARE YOU
AND NO I AINT-!! I CANT BE- I JUST CANT
#ask blog#âmista mystery â#stanley pines#gravity falls#fiddlestan#tw implied homophobia#tw internalized homophobia#Tw internalized toxic masculinity
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berry sweet on your lips
TW: Period-typical homophobia, Some Internalized homophobia, Implied abuse (Steve's dad is a pos)
When Steve was seven, his Mama caught him in her makeup.
He was sitting up on the bathroom counter, sloppily drawn eyeliner over his eyelids and trying to apply bright cherry red lipstick to his lips without smearing. The application process required so much focus he hadn't realized when the front door opened downstairs, or when his mom called repeatedly for him to come down to dinner. He did hear the surprised little yelp from her though, and the sigh once she realized which eyeliner he'd accidentally broken.
"Honey, those aren't toys to play with." His Mama's voice was tight like she was barely containing her frustration at the lost products. Dad always made her upset, and Steve didn't want to add to it. So it didn't seem like a good time to correct her, that no, he wasn't trying to play. He'd seen how pretty makeup could make people, and he wanted it. He wanted to be pretty.
Instead, he sighed and nodded, hopping down from the counter. "Sorry, Mama."
"It's okay, baby, that stuff just isn't for kids to play with. C'mon, let's get you washed up and we can get some dinner."
It wasn't the last time he'd thought about makeup, though it took years until Steve found the courage to try again.
--
It happened when he was fourteen in Carol Perkins's basement. He, Tommy, and Carol spent most nights together anymore. The Perkins' always volunteered to babysit Steve when he was younger and his Mama started going on business trips with his dad, and they always let Tommy come over so he wouldn't be left out. That basement with its bright tie-dyed blankets scattered around and posters of every attractive celebrity you could imagine felt more like home than his own house.
Maybe that was why he felt so comfortable suggesting it in the first place.
"Ugh, I need more girl friends, honestly," Carol groaned, flopping back onto the pile of pillows and blankets she'd acquired.
"What now? We're not entertaining enough?" Tommy teased from where he and Steve were playing air hockey. Steve's knuckles were sure to bruise tomorrow from the speed with which they were knocking the puck at each other but they hadn't stopped laughing yet. "Need to go braid Tina's hair and talk about boys?"
"You're not boring," Carol clarified, "but it'd be nice to do someone's makeup and talk about boys every once in awhile. A girl needs some gossip."
Tommy laughed, so Steve laughed too because it seemed the right thing to do. But really...it didn't sound so bad, did it? So when the laughter died down, he spoke up. "You could put makeup on me, I don't care," Steve shrugged.
He did. He did care so much. Even the thought of it made his heart flutter, threatening to fly away at any second.
"Really?" Carol raise one eyebrow, sitting all the way up and twisting around to face him. "You'd let me put makeup on you? The whole thing, I don't do boring makeup."
"C'mon, man, don't let her do that to you," Tommy groaned, but Steve just shrugged again and abandoned the air hockey table, coming over to sit down on the floor with Carol.
"It washes off, right?" As if he hadn't known how easy it was to swipe off red lipstick, though it would always leave a deep tint to his lips like he'd been eating berries. "It can't hurt."
It at least made Carol happy, and seeing her smile as she rushed off to retrieve her makeup bag made Tommy's grumbles about ditching the game worth it.
And you know, it was fun. Carol was actually gentle, and seemed to know what she was doing. Steve had his eyes closed most of the time while she brushed powder and liner on them, as she swiped mascara on and tried to perfect whatever glamorous look she'd seen in her latest magazine. She did talk about boys too, all about which girl had crushes on each boy that they knew, and why Eric Thompson was the most crushed on boy in Hawkins Middle.
"Eric Thompson? Get a grip, Perkins, you can do so much better than him," Steve told her, laughing at her indignant shout.
"Seriously. The guy's a total meathead," Tommy called from where he was sprawled out across one of the couches, idly watching whatever movie the Perkins' decided to rent for the night.
"You're a total meathead," Carol shot back in return. "Not Stevie here, though. No, I think after I tell all the girls about what a good guy you are, you'll be the new king of Hawkins Middle."
"Screw Hawkins Middle, I better be king of Hawkins High for this," Steve laughed, only because he had no idea how to thank her for it. By the time he'd left the Perkins' house the next morning, the bright eyeshadow and tacky lip gloss had been washed away but the feeling of pure peace it had brought him persisted.
--
Steve hadn't dared try again, not until he was sixteen and saw a guy wearing nail polish. It was one of the Seniors, the one who wore all black and who the whole basketball team called The Freak. And maybe he was a freak, Steve didn't really ever have a reason to talk to him and find out, but the sight of the swath of black over his nails left Steve breathless.
"You taking photography this semester, Harrington?" The guyâsomething Munson, Steve thinksâasked when Steve hadn't stopped staring in the hallway.
"Huh?" Steve startled, looking down both sides of the hallway as if to check if any of his friends were seeing who he was talking to. "No?"
"Shame," Munson let out a little 'tsk' noise, the way Steve's dad always did when he was disappointed. "You could've taken a picture and made it last longer."
Oh, oh. Steve's face flushed red, and the second he saw a flash of another green and orange letterman he panicked. They would know, oh God they'd see him with The Freak and it would all be over, they would figure out that he wanted to paint his nails too andâ
Steve wasn't proud of the words spoken after that. They lingered far after he'd said them, swirling in his head until it sounded a little more like his dad was repeating them over and over again, reminding Steve of just what kind of person he was to stay clear away from.
It was that guilt that finally convinced him to go to Melvald's, where the kind woman at the counter didn't question why he was buying the cheapest makeup products he could find. He didn't even know if any of it would look good together, he just knew he needed it. He needed a way to see himself like this before he messed up again where someone could see, where someone could figure him out.
And so began the careful ritual. Every night he'd rush home from practice, lock his bedroom door even though he knew his parents were away on another trip, and swipe the makeup over his eyes, cheeks, lips. He got better at it with every attempt, until the liner wasn't shaky and his lipstick didn't look like it had already been kissed off (and now, wasn't that a thought).
--
Except that was the trouble with secrets, wasn't it? They couldn't stay buried for long, not when Hawkins was so small and this felt so much larger than the town, than the state, than anything Steve had ever been apart of.
It was only a matter of time until his dad found out.
That night he'd been sloppy, unprepared for his parents to come home early. The light in the upstairs bathroom had gone out and instead of changing it he'd moved downstairs, where the lights had already been switched out to a cooler white that made it easier to see what colors he was painting his skin with.
Steve Harrington was pretty sure he would die that night, all over deep red lipstick and perfectly-drawn eyeliner.
He didn't know where he was running to, all he knew was that he couldn't stay in Loch Nora. He ran until he was near the edge of town, nothing but trees and the one road leading out surrounded him. Steve hadn't had his car keys on him, and there was no way he could go back for them without facing his dad's righteous anger. Steve let out a painful cry, finding nothing left to do but lay down on the pavement and stare at the stars. He was barely eighteen, no car, no money except whatever bills were stuffed in his pocket, no plan. Just himself and that damned red lipstick still lingering like berry-stained evidence on his lips.
He didn't move for anything. Not when the night grew chilly enough to freeze his joints and prick up goosebumps on his arms. Not when the rumble of an old car engine came roaring in the distance, or for the subsequent squeal of brakes and a loud horn.
"Shit, Harrington, I know you have air for a brain but what the fuck are you doâ" The person cut themselves off, like from seeing the state of him. They'd probably hit him too, kick at him while he was down because why the fuck did he think he could get away with this shit in the middle of nowhere Indiana?
"Shit, Harrington," the voice hissed again, sounding as pained as Steve thought he should feel.
"Get on with it," Steve voiced, voice rough with tears and the violent yells his dad had hit out of him.
"Get on with what?"
Steve rolled his eyes, turning his head to meet Eddie Munson's gaze. He wondered if he still painted his nails. He wondered if it even mattered, because even Eddie Munson didn't do what Steve did. "I'm tired, man. If you're gonna get your revenge on me make it quick."
That startled Eddie, reminding Steve of just how expressive the guy was. It was almost humorous, the way his head reeled back and his eyes widened impossibly far.
"Get in the van, Harrington."
Right, if Eddie was gonna murder him he couldn't do it out in the open, not where anyone could be driving by.
So Steve picked himself up from the ground, not bothering to brush off his jeans before sliding into the passenger seat. They didn't talk the whole drive. No music played. They just sat in complete and total silence, punctuated only by the nervous taps of Eddie's hand on the steering wheel.
Eddie Munson must be stupider than he was. Most murderers wouldn't drive their victim to their own trailer before finishing the job. Though, Steve supposed all Eddie had to say was that he saw Steve Harrington wearing lipstick and it'd all be waved away. Upstanding citizen, that Eddie Munson was.
"Shower's back there, there's a first aid kit on the shelf," Eddie spoke, unable to stand still once they got inside the trailer.
And that, well that was just downright weird. Steve tilted his head to the side, eyeing the little hallway Eddie waved his hand at like it might jump at him. "What's happening?"
"What do you mean?" Eddie sounded tired, like he hadn't slept in weeks. Steve felt like he'd never slept at all, like he might never again.
"You...aren't you gonna...?"
"I mean, I could if you think you're gonna fall," Eddie said nervously, eyes also watching the hallway. "Just tryin' to protect your modesty, man."
"What?" Nothing was making sense, and Steve was beginning to wonder if maybe his head had hit the tile floor one too many times because this was supposed to be simple, cut and dry.
"Can you just go clean up, Harrington?"
"Why?"
"Because I hate seeing all that damn blood on you, okay?" Eddie snapped out, voice raising in pitch the more worked up he got. "I don't know what the hell happened, but I hate it."
Oh.
"You're not...you're not gonna...?" Steve repeated, including a lackluster air punch.
That seemed to make everything click in place for Eddie. He sucked in a breath and both hands flew to the top of his head, scraping through his unruly curls. "Shit, you think? Nah, man, I'm not a piece of shit like whoever did that to you. C'mon."
Eddie started walking down the hallway, and honestly this all felt so vaguely dreamlike Steve couldn't do anything but follow, wordlessly sitting on the toilet lid where Eddie waved for him to be. The other man was knelt between his legs, wiping off his face with a wet washcloth. His touch was gentle, experienced as he wiped away the blood and set to work rubbing antibiotic onto each open cut.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Steve whispered out, eyes focused on the barest hint of eyeliner on Eddie's eyes. The other man clearly wasn't wearing it to be pretty though. No, this was drawn on with intentional haste, and made Eddie look so fucking badass that Steve didn't know what to do about it. "I sucked in school. I was awful to you."
Eddie's hands didn't stop, brown eyes focused on Steve's lips as he wiped at the split in the lower one. He could see the breath hitch in the other man's chest though, a quick collapse of Eddie's chest before his breath restarted at a normal rhythm. "You did suck, but that doesn't mean you deserve this."
Steve didn't say anything else, couldn't really. Not when the lump in his throat grew until he was sure he would never be able to breathe again, and the tears began to spill without inhibition. And Eddie, well Eddie let him. He just kept patching him up, never saying anything, never berating him or looking disgusted by the tears. He just sat with Steve while he let it out, eyes looking to Steve's every so often as if to check he was okay.
"I think something's wrong with me." The whisper sounded so loud in the tiny bathroom, echoing around and around and smacking into Steve's chest repeatedly.
"No." It was the first time Eddie seemed bothered by anything Steve said all night, fingers gripping tightly around the corner of the counter he was holding to keep himself steady. "There's nothing wrong with you."
Steve opened his mouth to say something, but Eddie cut him off. He looked Steve right in the eyes, a kind of fire lighting up in those dark brown eyes of his. "Steve Harrington, there is nothing wrong or broken or shameful about you. So you like to wear makeup, lots of guys do."
"I've never met anyone who does."
"Because you're in Bumfuck, Indiana," Eddie continued on, never sounding more passionate than he did now. It was intense, sure, but Steve had longed for someone, anyone, to say what Eddie was now. And of course it was the guy with the painted nails he'd been enraptured by years before. "Just you wait, pretty boy, there's a whole world out there with people like us."
Like us. Like us.
"C'mon, you need some sleep. We can figure out the details in the morning."
"Wait...what?"
Eddie laughed a little, shattering the heavy moment with a burst of pure warmth. He stood up and offered a ringed hand out to help Steve up despite him not needing it. Eddie's hand was cold in his own, but it felt right there.
"Try to keep up, Harrington," he teased. "If you don't mind sharing a bed, you can stay here. Us freaks have to stick together, right?"
"I mean...your uncle won't...?"
"Nah, Wayne'll love pissin' Robert Harrington off," Eddie answered coolly, "And he's cool with...everything."
And despite Steve's skepticism, he was. Wayne Munson was pretty much the greatest support anyone could ever have. His face had flashed dangerously when Steve admitted what happened, saying the world had no place for men who hit their boys (Steve wondered only briefly why the topic seemed to pain Wayne so much). And living with Eddie Munson, well, it was great. The trailer was small and Eddie kicked in his sleep, but Eddie also smiled from the second he was awake and the no place had ever quite felt like home in the way the Munson trailer did.
And the next time Steve found the courage to sit and do his makeup, it came with bright smiles instead of that old, lingering fear.
#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie#kinda#they'll get there#stranger things#steve x eddie#canon divergence#au no upside down#tw homophobia#tw implied abuse#jay writes in theory#this is totally unedited sorry you get it as is#steddie headcanon#steddie ficlet
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The prettiest sinner đź
#devilboycomic#art#comics#digital art#web comic#digital illustration#devil boy#devilboy#comicart#devilboyangelboy#cw sex work#cw ptsd#cw implied abuse#comic creator#webtoon#webcomic#cw weed#cw cigarettes#cw smoking#cw drugs#cw homophobia#cw self loathing#cw alcohol#cw alcohol abuse
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