#homophobia hurts everyone

[gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun]

some ways homophobia hurts all men feat. Max Jägerman as a case study

Maxwell Jägerman, the senior football star of Hatchetfield High School, is the ultimate bully. But why? How can someone so deeply embrace the “high school has-been waiting to happen” as Veronica Sawyer once put it? Maybe the problem is cultural and societal views on male friendships. Maybe those cheesy, awful, anti-homo ads from the 50’s are paying off in the worst way: creating such a strong sense of internalized homophobia in straight and gay men alike that they police their behavior and suffer from their own rigid “no homo” rules.

Now, for the Nerdy Prudes Must Die connection~

Evidence of Max’s internalized homophobia:

He clearly banned butt slaps in the locker room, even consensual ones

He was touch-starved and needed a cuddle, but didn’t dare ask his bros for one, only requesting physical affection from Grace after having sex with her because that made it Straight Enough

He refused to rely on his teammates because needing other men is Gay, which left football feeling like a one man game - lonely for Max, no doubt

His dad would degrade him if he knew Max showed any emotion aside from anger, since Feelings Are Gay (I’m so tempted to use my f slur privilege to make that an acronym…)

Ways this harmed him:

His only avenue to support and intimacy was through a romantic relationship

His friendships were based in violence and aggression instead of vulnerability and acceptance

No one really knew him because he kept his personality so locked down and basic

He blamed other people for his pain when it was a system that made him feel worthless outside of the “high school football star.” If he had been allowed to hurt and been comforted when he felt like he had no future, he wouldn’t have committed to the “literal monster” bit

Ways this harmed everyone around him:

Grace verbally rejected him, but he felt like he had to keep pursuing her because she was his only chance to treat someone gently and be treated gently in return, so he very easily could have steamrolled over her boundaries and hurt her

There was no trust between his peers - any show of feeling or closeness would set off Max’s homophobia-fueled rage, so they had to be just as fake as he was

Girls were never allowed to see the boys around Max be caring and soft and emotional, which meant they couldn’t tell which were dangerous and which were merely hiding their humanity

He could only let himself feel anger, and the only thing he knew to do with his anger was unleash it on his classmates

As much as I’d like Max to be into boys (for purely selfish reasons), it doesn’t really matter if he’s straight or not. The issue is that he’s paranoid about being perceived as anything but straight, and it wrecks how he interacts with the world. Homophobia guts the ideal of what men should be and the support they deserve whether or not they are gay.

(Note: while I’ve felt this for some time, I saw a Dr K video a while back that helped me put it into words. Max, much as I love him, is just an example of how many, many men are ripped apart by the standards they unwillingly create. Fuck the patriarchy, fuck homophobia, save men)

[darkfrog24]

Maybe now that we have gay marriage anyway, people won't be as adverse to formal palimony-type agreements like these b/c oh no the gays might use it. I'm picturing siblings heavily involved in alloparenting.

we need civil partnerships for siblings and I’m not joking

the desire to file taxes jointly =/= the desire to screw each other

a pair of identical twins who live in the same house should be allowed to share social security benefits and they shouldn’t have to pay inheritance taxes

i think it’s reasonable to want to extend your health insurance to your own flesh-and-blood that lives in your home. I mean, hypothetically, I could just marry a random person I met last week and get all of those sweet, sweet legal and financial benefits, but as of now, in the US, the law makes it impossible for a pair of siblings to contribute to each other’s IRAs, and I think that’s a travesty

just my wacky, controversial opinion

[vintage-bentley]

Found this on r/ao3 👀

It’s interesting that this is coming from a trans identified person! I guess that they’d probably argue something about “fetishisation of trans men” instead of getting to the root of the issue, which is homophobia* and misogyny**, but it’s nice to see that they’re even pointing out the trend in the first place.

(*homophobia because it’s almost always a way of making a gay ship straight

**misogyny because it’s often a case of the author wanting their character to be sexually degraded, and feel the need to make them female to do so.)

[lady-lessobian]

With pride month coming up, I'd like to remind people to pay attention to when the lesbian flag is excluded from designs or posts or merch drops or whatever. I personally don't reblog pride sets that don't include it, and while you're free to do whatever, please just pay attention.

We have our own flag and we have the right to not just be bunched under the rainbow flag as any other identity with their own flag does. The community flag is trans, nonbinary, and gnc inclusive and was personally voted on by. Well. The community. It's also so pretty? Don't ignore her.

Lesbophobia on this site has been. Atrocious lately and lesbians need all the outside support we can get, even if it's small things like ignoring those who ignore us! Please support lesbians this pride month!!! 🧡💛🤍🩷❤️

[adelle-ein]

saw some old stuff i wrote about 3h and man. i really used to love that game huh

[decomposingpoet]

religion!! scary!!!!!

[terryfuckingturniptruck]

So I'm seeing my grandma next month and I'm freaking out bc I know she's gonna be disappointed in me and my appearance.

[waskojey]

sometimes I hate being asexual :(

[colorisbyshe]

the destruction and running into the ground of the term “toxic masculinity” will always piss me off because the people who were the loudest about it being a ~bad term are the ones who understood it the least

[mejomonster]

i have, somehow, finally returned to writing the Original the blank files story that spawned the absolute plethora of other stories. and i 

i realize it is absolutely critical this story takes place in the 2000s

[dark-siren]

Would love to know which of my colleagues is homophobic enough to accuse me, the only out queer person in the office, of trying coerce people into doing a voluntary social media activity for Purple Friday, but. Alas a-fucking-lack.

[discourse-floofy-cat]

Yo, too true

I’ve been confused for a gay man or a woman too many times! I’m over 6 foot, but I have breasts (very underdeveloped, but still!)

“trans men don’t experience misogyny because they’re men thus cannot experience women’s oppression”

I hate to tell you this but even cis men experience misogyny if they step a toe over the line of what our incredibly sexist society sees as “proper” for a man. You really don’t think that a man with interests or expression the world sees as “female” aren’t treated with violence?

[sonofwhales]

Me when as soon as I even mention wanting to dye my hair (and not even some funky colour. Red. I wanted to paint my hair with a reddish fade) my parents bash me down for "wanting to look like those freaks with rianbow hair"

Thank you for at the same time stripping my bodily autonomy away and threatening me with your fucking homophobia and bigotry. Makes me feel very welcome and supported in your family

[martinmynster]

Trying to make a post that doesn't sound like ''shut your ass tf up you heartless witless useless pos go sit in the corner and reflect'' but.. i turn mean every two sentences so maybe i'll try to make it in meme form.

[justaboymadeofhoneyandglass]

Yeah absolutely agree baby

Lust is evil and a sin until someone is asexual and then not lusting after anyone is a sin because being queer is evil… You would think christians would look at asexuality as being holy or some shit. But noooo, bigotry disguised as religious belief is never that fucking simple is it…

[tr1ppykay]

something i rarely see addressed on here in discussions of transmasculine bathroom issues is the difference between men's and women's rooms, and the way it excludes transmascs with vulvas.

I am a trans man pre-surgery of any kind. ideally i would like meta with UL, but for euphoria reasons primarily- STPs are expensive and a hassle, so i have no issue sitting to pee. i am 11 months on T and do not pass. using the women's room bothers me, but i live in the southern US so it's safer. i have no issue dealing with it to quickly piss and leave. what i do have an issue with, is when someplace claims to be trans inclusive, but in practice, is not.

i had a pretty awful night. my boyfriend and i had been planning to try out a local goth nightclub for weeks, and we finally got the chance to go. when walking in, there was a sign on the door that said "no racism, no homophobia, no transphobia..." etc. i was excited, thinking that i may actually be able to use the men's restroom for once! a few drinks in and the urge hit- i was feeling anxious, so i asked a staff member if it would be safe for me to use the men's room. "yes of course, we are very inclusive, there are plenty of trans people here." in i went and....

5 urinals, and one single stall- which was out of order.

i turned around and used the women's room. i had no choice. of course, there were 6 stalls in there.

this is not the first time i have experienced issues with men's rooms having a single stall- at a gay strip club, i ran into a similar problem, where the single stall in the men's room was not out of order, but instead, had a line of 20+ people. i, and a few other guys, opted to use the women's room instead of waiting (clearly this design flaw hurts cisgender men as well!)

men's rooms being built only with people with penises in mind, and often all but excluding anyone who needs a stall, is an issue that needs to be addressed far more often.

edit: ive seen a few people in the notes adding their own experiences outside of transmasculinity, saying that they don't want to derail- i want to make clear that nobody is derailing. this issue absolutely intersects with transmisogyny, ableism, and general androphobia (which i define as the way patriarchal expectations hurt all men, not any group systemically oppressing men.) keep adding on your own experiences. this issue affects everyone who has ever needed to use the men's bathroom.