#home @lone

[ummmmmrio]

ughhh i cnt stop posting myslff,,,

nywys its too hot to sleep w the windows closed 🩷

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 18! They're so oblivious its paining me, and I'm the one writing it!

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[occudo]

Long time no see, Peter

Redraw of this from last year

[cyanbeetle]

Trinity thesis

[mipexch]

been thinking about something wicked a little too much lately. no harm in romanticizing the ominous dreadful unstoppable force

[shorthaltsjester]

the mighty nein - critical role

this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

There's something to be said about Nine and Twelve as parallels, about them being these seeming grumps with hearts of gold who must relearn optimism while being fundamentally kind at the end of the day, and Eleven and Thirteen as parallels, as these lonely tinkerers who travel with multiple companions at the same time but push people away before they get too close because they are creatures built on grief, and Ten alone, as something that is all and none of the above, who starts out as a creature born of love but who loses said love and is willing to die and must find grounding but loses said grounding and declares himself the Time Lord Victorious because if he cannot have love he has to have something, anything, he can call his own, and about how all five of them are shaped, fundamentally, by their grief and their guilt over the Time War and being the last of their kind and how every companion leaves them and they will always, always be the last one in the TARDIS, always be the last one surviving, no matter what, and yet all of them, at the end of the day, die to save someone. Die to be kind, just one more time. Because that is what ties them all together. That is what makes them the Doctor.

[fairsweetlonging]

have been in a qijiu/qiyuan mood lately, and i was thinking about an au where shen yuan, upon transmigrating, actually loses his memories. he wakes up and has no idea who he is, where he is, who the man at his bedside is. not a clue. the only thing he has is his muscle memory, his sharp recognition senses (he's experiencing a lot of déjà-vu), and blurry fractions of memories that he can't quite make out.

thing is, the memories of both shen yuan and shen jiu aren't actually gone, they start to intermingle, to mix up, a little sister in princess pajamas beside an older brother wearing dirty rags, a bright screen that displays mountain peaks and glittering caves. he's kind and generous the way someone who has never had to worry about food or money is, but he gets vicious and defensive when someone gets too close. sometimes he says cruel things and doesn't even understand why himself.

neither identity fits anymore, both names right and wrong at the same time. it's just... shen qingqiu.

and while everyone else might adjust to this just fine, yue qingyuan does not. because that is shen jiu, but it isn't, but it has to be, but not always. he gets flashes of his childhood friend when shen qingqiu gets viciously defensive over nothing, when he scowls and scoffs and rolls his eyes when he thinks people can't see, but then he smiles, and laughs, and tilts his head in a way that is completely foreign. he likes beasts. shen jiu never liked beasts. but he loves tanghulu, like shen jiu. sweet sugary things. the first time xiao jiu cuddles up into his hug, he cries.

the way he sometimes clings to yue qingyuan when he has a bad day can't be him, but then he says "qi-ge" exactly like shen jiu would and damn near snarls at anyone who gets too close, and he's aggressively possessive the way he was when they were kids. but then he pulls away and apologizes, like shen jiu would never do.

and he never demands anything, scrubbed clean from roughness and filth and selfish want, will act perfect and smiling and pleasant, never burdensome. like he's completely forgotten where he came from, what he was. like the pampered nobleman's son who could afford to be kind. the only time his old self comes fully back up is when he feels threatened or scared or angry, like a trauma response that kicks in to protect himself. and then yue qingyuan starts to wonder if maybe it is. maybe the shen jiu he knows was only ever fear and self-preservation, and the one he is now is a shen jiu without the chains and shackles and scars.

yue qingyuan doesn't know if he's happy for him, if it's for better or for worse. he does know that he feels protective and responsible for this new version xiao jiu has become.

meanwhile shen qingqiu, even when he regains enough of his memories to realize he was once a different person, doesn't know who he is anymore. both, maybe. or neither. he feels bad for taking away yue qingyuan's friend, but in his heart he can't help but think qi-ge is his brother, and no one else's. when he manages the peak he feels like he's taking credit for another's accomplishments, but he remembers suffering for it, he remembers what it took to get there.

[rheya28]

See you tomorrow

[lonestardust]

"Home."

[civetside]

me and my endless lesbian yearning

[guardian-angle22]

I can see TK being the typical sports dad if Jonah ever does sports as he grows up. He'll be so supportive and passionate to the point, he's embarrassing Jonah.

Jonah better buckle up.

Not only would he have a passionate whistle-loving TK...

He'd also have Carlos.

Just imagine the amount of loud, rambunctious, wonderful love and support these two would absolutely shower Jonah with from the stands. They would be The Most Embarrassing by miles and that kid would be so lucky.

[unstatedmartini]

i really appreciated the delicacy with which addiction as a theme was woven through this episode, because it will always be a defining aspect of tk's life and his work and the way he understands the world and the way he worries about and cares for his loved ones. and we see him recognizing signs of it in carlos

and we see tommy discussing staying out late and coming home drunk - and would she have called it addiction then? would she now? maybe not but it was something. something that let her hide, that kept her from the future she wanted and deserved

and we see the sisters and the way addiction was a thing that had plainly been overcome! right? it had been years! .... right? and it was more complicated but it didn't affect the love or the grief. it didn't justify the time stolen from them by people targeting the desperate and the sick

and carlos doesn't get a scene where he says "WAIT i think i'm ADDICTED. to JUSTICE." because that's not the point and that's not something he would ever think. he doesn't see himself as an addict, but.

he sees himself as someone who has a best friend. a best friend he was lucky enough to fall in love with and marry. a best friend who he trusts above and beyond anyone else in the world, and who knows about stolen time and the lure of hiding from difficult conversations, and carlos doesn't know exactly where he fits in the kaleidoscope of hurt and obsession and grief and love and loneliness and the catharsis that stays just out of reach while the rest of your life disintegrates,

but he knows that the person who knows and loves him best says he has to come home. and he does.

[introspectivememories]

[girlevanbuckley]

me and the bad bitch i pulled by getting into two comas

[yashley]

Did she keep you trapped?