#holy shit i found a post on which i used many tags

[alendis]

what happened to good personality quizzes

its all just colors and song lyrics again

I cant talk to people or read something real when my head hurty this bad but I need to do something or I'll start chewing onthe door frame

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

This took way too fucking long- Everyone, gaze upon the Megatron/Galvatron height chart I made. If someone could get me a cold drink, I would love one, I have been working on this for the better part of a month. 26 separate designs, for one character, across 40 years of history. And I had to exclude a couple, the grand total is like 30 different ones. I left those four out because they were just pallet swaps of a design I already had; It felt redundant to include them.

This guy just can not decide if he's named Megatron or Galvatron sometimes, he just switches between the two names at random. I think in Unicron Trilogy, he switches to Galvatron multiple times, and yes, he does switch back to Megatron before every one.

My brain is kinda broken after finishing this. I worked on this one and the Optimus one at the same time (the optimus one is so much bigger holy shit-) and I've lost the ability to feel pain at this point.

Quick Disclaimer, if any of the images look weird, it's because I had to stitch a few separate images together to create a full body shot of the character.

Links to my Bumblebee Chart and my Optimus Chart. !!NEW!! -> Shockwave, Soundwave, Ratchet, and Ironhide. For future reference, all these charts will be filed under my "Transformers Height Charts" tag and my "aka the adventures of a..." tag. Hopefully, my bumblebee post is acting up and idk if the same issue will happen here.

Master Post

Explanations below the cut, I have to justify myself for a few of these.

G1 Beast Wars V1 - ~9 Feet (PMeg. TFWiki, he's so small. Dinosaur Man is so small)

G1 Beast Wars V2 - ~10 Feet (PMeg. TFWiki, This fucker has roller blades. I'm not fucking with you, they gave the T-Rex Roller Blades and he uses them)

G1 Beast Machines V1 - ~12 Feet (PMEG. The Wiki doesn't have any numbers for Beast machines, sadly, but I found an old forum post comparing the heights to the Beast Wars designs, so I win)

G1 Beast Wars V3/Machines V2 - ~13 Feet (PMEG. The TFWiki says this bitch is like 11.5 meters tall, but no, I've done the math, he is not. If he was, Rattrap, a character who is consistently stated to be 1.8 meters tall across multiple sources in multiple languages is actually not that tall. So no, he's about 2 and a bit Rattraps tall, and that translates to about 13 feet. And I'm pretty sure he reverts into this at some point in Beast machines, though correct me if I'm wrong)

G1 Beast Machines V3 - ~16 Feet (PMeg. This design is identical to the Optimal Optimus design so I'm gonna be lazy and use that number. Not like I have many other options.)

Beast Wars 2 - ~16 Feet (Galv. Idk, the wiki had the number and his name is Galvatron, was I supposed to ignore this? Never gonna watch it, but here it is)

Earth Spark - ~16 Feet 2 Inches (Mega. There are no actual numbers for Earth Spark (yet), but I was able to find Bumblebee's height, which I then compared to Optimus's height, and now I can compare Optimus and Megatron.

Yay!- he's so short it's so fucking funny tiny short man universe)

One V1 - ~17 Feet (Mega. I am aware, of the supposed "Canon Heights" listed on the wiki. 32.462 feet, allegedly. But, have you considered A: These numbers are sourced from the Walmart Promotional AR Experience that came out before the movie. B: There are three decimal points, and that number does not convert into a whole number in meters (which is originally what I thought was weird about it). C: The director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon. AND ALSO Meg is taller than Optimus the entire movie but his height is listed as shorter than him on the wiki. They are the same height by the end of the movie, I call BULLSHIT Walmart; these are not actual numbers I will ignore them POST HASTE! Sadly, Megatron has yet to appear in the KCV live-action movies as I make this, but we know Meg and OP are the same height by the end of TFOne, so knock a couple of feet off this one, and we get pre-cog height)

Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~18 Feet (PMeg. Slightly confusing, but there are two Megatrons in this universe, but they are two completely separate characters. This is Predacon Megatron, design-wise identical to his V1 Beast Wars counterpart, but he is much taller in this universe. So I did some admittedly deranged comparisons to other characters and I got this height. It's a similar ratio to Prime & Primal's height difference so I'm running with it)

Gen 1 V2 - ~ 18 Feet 6 inches (Galv. So the Wiki failed me on this one, but- and maybe this is backwards thinking, the WFCT Galvatron is this height, at least comparing him to WFCT Megatron, who I've decided is the same height as Gen 1 Megatron, who we actually have a number for- I am aware it's convoluted but it's all I got)

Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~18 Feet 6 inches (Galv. Okay so, Galvatron and Megatron are entirely separate beings in this universe, which is a large departure from Gen 1 where they're effectively the same guy, which means I could compare their heights, and this is about the height Galvatron is. And I have decided that the WFCT Megatron is the same height as Gen 1 Megatron because they're nearly identical otherwise, making the assumption that the Galvatrons are the same easy. The amount of hoops I have to jump through sometimes...)

Gen 1 V1 - ~19 Feet (Mega. TFWiki. Hey look, it's the guy that's the foundation of like 5 other character's calculations)

Prime Wars - ~19 Feet (Mega. As I've said before, I have decided that this design is the same height as the Gen 1 design, because they're identical, yes one is 2d, and the other is 3d but I don't care)

Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~19 Feet (Mega. You already know what I'm going to say; it's identical to Gen 1. Just try and stop me)

Unicron Trilogy V2&3/ENG&CYB - ~19 Feet (Mega/Galv. He flip-flops so much in this universe, I think Megatron becomes Galvatron 3 separate times. For the uneducated, the Unicron Trilogy has given each of its 3 seasons separate names and 3 separate art styles. These are the designs used in Energon (S2) and Cybertron (S3). The Wiki had Cybertron's numbers but not Energon's, so for my own sanity, I decided the two were the same height. I could have done something in between Cybertron's and Armada's (S1) numbers, but there was a lot of float between the two)

One V2 - 19 Feet 10 Inches (Mega. As I have stated in the previous One entry: I don't trust Walmart, Meg and OP are the same height by the end of the movie, and the KCV LA and One are kinda one universe. Optimus is this height by the end of the movie, therefore so is Megatron. How many times do I have to explain this)

Cyberverse - 21 Feet (Oh sweet, sweet "I don't have to justify or explain my numbers, I have a source". This comes from a screen-shot of this video which has the Cyberverse height chart everyone uses, though the quality of the screen shot is iffy. If anyone has a better one, I would love to see it)

RID 2001 - ~22 Feet (Mega/Galv. TFWiki. Why are there so many Megatrons who become Galvtron at random and look functionally identical to each other why does this keep happening. Also this guy transforms into a hand)

Unicron Trilogy V1 - ~23 Feet (Mega/Galv. TFWiki. I am very tired, we have another functionally identical Megatron Galvatron conversion and I am in pain)

Bayverse V2 - 30 Feet (Mega/Galv. TFWiki, Movies 4 & 5. This time, they're actually identical, and Mr. Bay has once again blessed me with numbers from all of his movies)

Aligned Cont. WF/FOC - ~30 Feet (Mega. TFWiki. Look man, I don't know how he grows nearly five feet between the games and the shows, it's just what the video game info screen said)

Animated - ~31 Feet (Mega. Animated has no actual numbers, but the lovely @phoenix-inanis has provided a frankly astounding resource with their own calculations for the heights of all the TFA characters. Go look at it, it's wonderful -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4)

Aligned Cont. TFP V1 - 34 Feet 5 Inches (Mega. Yes, this is from Fandom. But, and I will continue to say this until my lungs give out, this entire universe is just fucking enormous. Look, I believe Bayverse is the most consistent tf universe when it comes to the transformers' models and designs, and if we do some comparisons between characters with similar listed heights (I did it at the end of this post), it's way too close for me not to believe it)

Bayverse V1 - 35 Feet (Mega. TFWiki, Movies 1-3. Look at this bitch, getting his secrets exposed by Mr. Bay. Look at him, he's going to shrink down in the forth movie, gonna get dumped down to 6th place on the podium. Get Shrunk, Idiot)

Aligned Cont. TFP PR V2 - 42 Feet 7 Inches (Mega. Look at this enormous bitch, look at the freak standing there, fuckin enormous n' shit. Wack ass Unicron- Did you know that this is probably the TALLEST base form transformer ever? Excluding any super modes or upgrades or a transforming Cybertronian Base/Spaceship, just default general body size, I'm pretty sure this Megatron is the tallest Regular transformer ever)

Not Pictured: RID 2001 Galvatron Pallet - ~22 Feet (the only thing that was different between the two designs was the colours, if felt redundant to include it), Unicron Trilogy Galvatron Pallet(s) - Armada: ~23 Feet, Energon/Cybertron: ~19 Feet (Again, just the colours changed, otherwise everything else was the same)

I have done it. I have conquered my Everest. I have finished the big two charts. If anyone has any suggestions for which transformer I should aggressively analyze next please tell me I don't know which ones to do next

Here are the different layers separated out into their own pictures, I know it's kinda hard to tell everyone apart when they're all on top of each other.

[listentoace]

Hey, I wanted to address a couple of things.

I have been receiving several asks regarding some of my recent posts. I admit they are darker than the usual stuff. That was a decision I consciously made, because I do tend to have darker fantasies and wanted to see how they would be received. I consider most of the criticism I received to be valid points. Here are a few of them:

The whole idea of "ruining yourself"/"ruining your body" as you're gaining weight can be found fatphobic

Connecting feederism to habitual behavior, addiction, loss of control, and even brain damage can be found scary or even disturbing

Encouraging people to embrace health issues (both physical and mental) because of feederism can be found toxic

Constantly connecting feederism and weight gain with the negative side effects (sluggishness and laziness, health issues, societal judgement, etc.) can lead to the conclusion that feederism, obesity, indulgence, etc. are generally bad things

I won't try to defend myself. In fact, I completely agree with (most) criticism I received. The only kind of "criticism" I don't recognize are attacks toward me personally, but that's just reflected in a minority of the asks I receive. To all people who have sent me asks: it's great that you're sharing your opinion and thoughts, and I encourage you to keep doing so!

I think it is necessary to mention again that I don't mean anyone any harm. I am not fatphobic, and I do not mean to force any kinks upon anyone. This is just me writing and recording some horny ideas I occasionally have for those people who are into the same stuff. It is also very important to mention that in many cases, the fantasy of something can be very hot, while the reality of it could be very stressful and traumatizing. This is especially the case with more intense fantasies and kinks, e.g., being kidnapped and fattened. Everything I write takes place in "fantasy land". Nothing I post is meant as a threat, actual encouragement for dangerous behavior or self harm, or other harmful behavior. Pleae keep this in mind!

Getting back to the criticism: Yes, I like the dark stuff. I am very intrigued by the idea of feedees getting fatter for pleasure, despite all the negative consequences that can come with weight gain and obesity. I also enjoy calling people out for it, both with mild teasing and with very direct "you're damaging yourself" claims. I know that this is not everybody's cup of tea, which is why I already tag all posts with darker topics related to self-destruction, severe health issues, permanent damage and even death with "#death feederism" and "#death feedist". This is also mentioned in my pinned info post under "My Content", encouraging people to hide these tags who are not into certain content I post. However, it is quite clear that this isn't a great solution – otherwise I would not be receiving these asks.

I am very open to solving this issue together. After all, it always has been my personal ambition to write and record content for your enjoyment and pleasure. I want to make you – the readers and listeners – feel good and excited. I don't mean to scare or disturb you with my darker fantasies and kinks that don't appeal to you. Nonetheless, I do enjoy causing "holy shit, this is really bad, but it just feels so good!" pleasure and horniness.

In the past, I occasionally made use of trigger warnings at the top of my posts. If I recall correctly, I did hide the main content behind the "Keep reading" button. This was not consistent, but I am open to generally implementing this for all future posts that include sensitive subjects, such as death feederism, consensual non-consent, heavy conditioning and brain damage, or severe degradation and objectification.

However, before I do that, I first wanted to recognize the asks I received and open the conversation by addressing these issues. I encourage you to share your thoughts on this with me in the comments, asks, or my dms. Please let me know whether you think the combination of a trigger warning and a "Keep reading" button is sufficient and reasonable. I will still be tagging my posts accordingly, like I've done in the past, so filtering through hiding certain hashtags will remain an option either way.

I'm looking forward to your feedback and ideas, thank you for the criticism! :)

[dreamwatch]

October Writing Stats

October total: 10,899 | YTD: 102,284

Holy shit! I broke 100k!

Managed to get a bit of my mojo back, commiting to an event will do that I guess. All those words are for @corrodedcoffinfest, check it out because there are some wonderful stories and art work to be found. If you want to see my weird shit (I'm not even joking about that) you can find my masterlist here, and the event masterlist is here.

Ok, it's November which means NaNoWri-- oh, wait. Last year was my first and I got 52k words done on the Prison fic so it was so worth it for me, but obviously stuff has gone south with the organisers in the last few months so I won't be doing official NaNo. But it's still November Writing Month and there are so many events across Tumblr if you want to join one. I'm just going to do this myself this year, no badges (I fucking love badges, man, that was the best bit*), and I'm tagging my posts #NaNoDreamMo (thanks @hbyrde36 !) for ease so feel free to block that one.

I'm not commiting to one piece of work this year, instead using it to get 4 (!) fics to various points of completion. Those projects:

Eddie gets Vecna'd - One shot, currently at 9k, about 3k words to add. Easy done.

Seasons (Grunge Eddie) - currently at 23k, about another 6 or 7k to go I think.

Like a Stone (Depressy/Haunted Eddie) - currently at 41k, probably anouther 15k there.

Fell On Black Days (Eddie in Prison) - currently at 70k words, pffft... who knows with this one??

Last year I shared snippets from my daily writing sessions, I think it helped to keep me motivated so I wil try to keep doing that. Like I say, block the tag now if you don't want to see my bullshit. 😆

*I might try and make some badges.

[all-the-things-2020]

Stalker - A Late Night Talking Story

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x OFC (Emily)

Rating: PG

Warnings: description of online stalker behavior, gun violence

Summary: Not long after their wedding, Dieter and Emily realize they have an online stalker … who wants to replace Emily.

Word count: 4400

Tag list: @rhoorl @avastrasposts @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @gwendibleywrites @weho2kcmo

Wedding photos started popping up on the internet right away. First were the ones our family and friends posted on their social media accounts, which were copied and posted elsewhere by fans. Dieter had posted a few photos of me on his Instagram with the caption “My beautiful wife” and those had gotten quite a reaction. Then the ones People had bought from our photographer hit their website and all hell broke loose on Tumblr.

I was on the couch, scrolling on my phone, laughing at some of the comments and tearing up at others, when I came across something rather disturbing.

“Hey, have you seen this?” I asked Dieter. He was on his iPad, reading a script that his agent had emailed him.

“Hmm?”

“This comment on your Insta post,” I said, showing him my phone. He put down his tablet and took my phone.

“Holy shit,” he said.

“That was my reaction, too,” I said. Most of the comments were congratulations or a series of heart emojis or other positive messages. This one was … not.

“Fuck that whore bitch to hell! Stealing my man. She’ll pay.”

Dieter logged into Instagram on his tablet, deleted the comment and blocked the user. “Sorry about that, babe, I should have gone through all the comments and caught that.”

“No worries, there were thousands,” I replied. I used to go through all my comments but after getting so many followers, I couldn’t keep up anymore.

Out of curiosity, I checked my list of followers and sure enough, the same username was on my list.

“Mrsbravoforreal ,” I read. I clicked on the account and scrolled through her photos. They were all pictures of Dieter, some of them photoshopped poorly to include a woman who I assumed was the account owner. She was in her twenties, wore way too much makeup, had badly dyed blonde hair and tight clothes that did nothing to flatter her.

“Should we be concerned about this?” I asked.

Dieter scrolled through her photos and nodded. “I’ll talk to my manager in the morning,” he said. “I wouldn’t bother except for that comment. There are always wacko fans out there, but something about this doesn’t seem quite right.”

I shuddered. Not quite right was an understatement. I poked around on Tumblr until I found a blog with some of those same photos. “Oh, shit,” I said. This account was called “oneandonlymrsbravo” and included not just photos but some rather detailed and graphic fan fiction written about Dieter himself, not his characters.

“Now what?” Dieter said, and I showed him a post that described in excruciating (and badly written) detail how the narrator gave him a blow job in the back of a limousine on the way to a movie premiere.

“That … that was …,” he just shook his head.

“I know,” I said. “It’s got to be the same person. The photos are the same.”

“Write down that username,” he said. “And get some screenshots just in case she takes it down later.”

“You should have taken a screenshot of that comment before you deleted it,” I said.

“Shit, yeah,” he said. “Did she post anything on your account?”

I scrolled back through my posts, checking the comments carefully. Sure enough, I found several:

“Die bitch,” on a photo of me and Dieter at a friend’s birthday party.

“Fat old cow,” on a photo of me in a bathing suit and a floppy sun hat reading a book by the pool.

“Fuck you, he’s mine,” on a selfie of me and Dieter at the park eating ice cream cones.

“I’ll kill you, bitch,” on a picture of me in my wedding dress getting ready for the pre-wedding photo shoot.

“Maybe we should call the police instead of your manager,” I said, as another shiver ran down my spine.

************************************

We reported mrsbravoforreal AKA oneandonlymrsbravo to the police, who sent us the forms to file a complaint but said they couldn’t do much. They would try to find out her real name from Instagram and Tumblr but their privacy policies might not allow them to release that information. Unless they did, we would have no idea who this woman was or where she lived.

“Honestly, until she actually tries to do something, we can’t do anything,” the officer told us. “If she shows up on your property, we can charge her with trespassing, or if she tries to physically harm either of you, we can charge her with assault. Otherwise, our hands are tied.”

Dieter hung up the phone, which we’d had on speaker. “Well, they weren’t much help,” he said.

“I just hope she’s not local,” I said. “I don’t like knowing she’s out there.”

He opened his arms and pulled me into a tight embrace. “Neither do I,” he admitted. “Maybe we should hire some security and upgrade the alarm system on the house.”

I hated the idea of having to hire security guards but with the police admitting their hands were tied, it did make sense. “That might be a good idea,” I said quietly.

“It’ll be okay, sweetie,” he said. “She’s not going to hurt us. I promise.”

****************************

The alarm company came out the next day to upgrade our system, installing about a million motion sensitive cameras around the perimeter of the property and putting in a control panel that made the dashboard of the Millenium Falcon look like a pocket calculator.

“I think I need to get a degree in electrical engineering to operate this thing,” I said, flipping through the instruction manual.

“There’s a video on the website,” the technician said. “It’s not as complicated as it looks.”

“You don’t know my husband,” I told him. “I just barely taught him how to delete voicemails off his phone.”

“Hey,” Dieter said, swatting at my arm. The technician laughed.

Later that afternoon, the private security company that Dieter had contacted sent out a pair of security guards. They were large, heavily muscled men with military style haircuts. Charles was African American, soft spoken and very serious. Leandro was Latino, boisterous and joking.

“Can you show us what information you have on this woman?” Charles asked. I showed him her social media accounts and the screenshots of her comments on our posts.

“Bat shit crazy,” he said after a few minutes. “We’ll take care of you, ma’am, don’t worry.”

The two of them sat down with their phones out and started asking us our schedule for the next week. I didn’t have much going on, but Dieter had some commitments and Charles and Leandro quickly set up a schedule. When Dieter was out and about, one of them would follow him, while the other stayed with me; if we were both at home, one of them would be on call while the other kept an eye on our house. We all exchanged cell phone numbers, so we could quickly get hold of them in an emergency. We also gave them access to our alarm system app.

“Okay, I’m on tonight,” Leandro said. “I’ll be outside in my car for the most part, but I might do a perimeter patrol once or twice. I can watch the camera feed on the app, but I’ll turn off the alert function if I do a patrol so it doesn’t go off and scare you.” He laughed. “Forgot to do that one time and the family’s abuela came at me with a chancla. You do not want to piss off a Mexican grandmother, I’ll tell you.”

When we went to bed that night, I couldn’t settle down. We’d set the alarm on “STAY” mode, which meant we could walk around the house without setting it off, but I was still worried it would accidentally go off.

“Go to sleep,” Dieter said, snuggling close. “The alarm is on and Leandro’s outside. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“I know,” I said. “I just feel like we’re being held captive in our own home. I mean, she’s the crazy one and we have to be locked up like prisoners.”

He smoothed my hair and pressed a kiss against my forehead. “I know, it sucks,” he said. “Hopefully, she’ll get bored and move on and we can forget about the bodyguards.”

I murmured my agreement and kissed him back, but I wasn’t so sure this woman was going to give up so easily.

****************************

I had blocked Wacko Lady (as we’d taken to calling her) on all my social media accounts, but after a week or two I noticed some familiar comments on my posts. This time, the username was thereallyrealmrsbravo and while the first few comments were relatively mild, they soon turned extremely nasty. I took a screenshot of every one before finally blocking her again. A week later, I started getting comments from iamtherealmrsbravo and I got really scared.

“You’re going to die, bitch. Watch your back.”

“Nice house. I’m gonna like living there.”

“You’ll look nice in that dress in your coffin.”

I took screenshots and forwarded them to Charles and Leandro, as well as blocking her and reporting her to Instagram yet again, then called Dieter. He was in New York for a few days doing some promotional stuff for a theater company he’d worked with in the past.

“I’m getting really scared,” I told him. “She’s nuts.”

“I know, she’s posted some shit on my account, too,” he said. “I was talking to some of the folks here, and one of them suggested you create a tumblr profile and start asking around about her, see if anyone knows who she really is. Maybe send messages to some of the people who react to her posts.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I said. “The police certainly aren’t doing shit.” Every time she posted another threat, I emailed it to the LAPD officer who was assigned to our case, but didn’t get much feedback from him.

“Or we could hire a private detective,” Dieter suggested. I liked that idea.

“Even better,” I told him. “I’ll look into that.” I sighed. “Sorry to dump all this on you, babe.”

“I’m sorry I’m not there to help you deal with it,” he replied. “Hang in there, sweetie, I’ll be home the day after tomorrow.”

“I know,” I said. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” he said. We hung up and I started searching the internet for private detectives in Los Angeles.

**************************************

Charles walked discreetly a few feet behind me, close enough that it was clear he was my bodyguard, but far enough away not to invade my personal space. I was starting to get used to being escorted this way, mostly because both Charles and Leandro were so good at their jobs.

We went into the high rise building on Wilshire where the private investigator I was thinking of hiring had her office. She was an expert at cyber crimes, which was why I wanted to talk to her. If anyone could figure out who Wacko Lady was, it was Miranda Cortez.

As we walked through the lobby, I caught a glimpse of peroxide blonde hair heading out the other door, but whoever it was was gone by the time I could turn my head. I got startled every time I saw a fake blonde in my peripheral vision, and there were plenty of bottle blondes in L.A. so it happened a lot. I dismissed the incident from my mind as Charles and I got on the elevator and rode silently to the 22nd floor.

Ms. Cortez’ office had a sleek, modern waiting area, where I left Charles. I was ushered into her private office, which was much homier, with dark wooden bookshelves and comfy leather armchairs. Cortez herself was polished and professional, in a grey suit and red stiletto heels.

“So you have a stalker,” she said once I was settled into the chair across from her.

“Yes,” I said. “Have you had a chance to look over the screenshots I sent you?”

She nodded. “I took a glance. With my connections, I should be able to help you find out who she is. After that, you still have to rely on the police, but at least you’ll know who you’re dealing with.”

She slid a piece of paper across the desk with an obscenely large figure written on it. “I know my fee is high,” she said apologetically, “but high tech is expensive and so is this office.”

“I understand,” I said. I was still getting used to being what most of my friends and family would call “rich.” I had full access to both Dieter’s personal bank account and the corporate one. We could afford Ms. Cortez’ fee.

“Let’s do this,” I said.

“Okay, Mrs. Bravo,” she said. “Let’s find out who this crazy bitch is.” She laughed and pulled out a contract for me to sign.

I signed the contract, giving her permission to access all my social media accounts, and gave her my passwords and other login information. “I may need to create some new accounts in your name or under fake names,” she said. “If I need any photos or other information, I’ll let you know.”

We said goodbye and I collected Charles. “How’d it go?,” he asked.

“Pretty good,” I said. For the first time in a while, I felt like we were getting somewhere. “Want to stop for a smoothie or something on the way home? My treat.”

Charles shook his head. “I’m working,” he said.

“Okay,” I said, shrugging. I’d tried to get Charles to relax a bit but he was always one hundred percent on task when he was working. Leandro on the other hand … he would have tried to talk me into getting a beer instead.

We retrieved my car from the parking garage and I sat back in the passenger seat as Charles drove back to the house. I’d seen another flash of blonde hair as we were paying the parking fee, but I didn’t think anything of it. Miranda Cortez was on the case, and I let myself relax.

************************

I got very detailed daily updates from Ms. Cortez, as well as a phone call every afternoon. She opened a tumblr account under the username mrsbravoforreallyreal and gave me the login information.

“Post some photos,” she told me. “Make sure they’re things that haven’t been posted anywhere else, so it’s clear that you’ve got original content. I want to try to bait her into responding to the account. The more she posts, the more data my team will have to work with.”

She also asked me to take and post some specific photos on Instagram and Twitter, basically different content on all my social media platforms. Since she could also log in, she could see every comment. It wasn’t long before there were some responses.

About a week after I’d hired her, I got an email from her with the subject line “Bingo!”

“Deet!” I called, summoning him from the backyard where he was messing around with the pool filter. I’d told him just to call the pool guy but like a typical man, he’d insisted on “looking at it” first.

I showed him the email. “Cortez knows her shit,” he said approvingly.

Wacko Lady was Samantha Bixby, a 23 year old dental technician school student from Fountain Valley who worked part time at a Jamba Juice. Cortez’ team had found her Facebook account and, as she said, “if you have the cash, Facebook will sell you anything you need.”

I felt a bit of relief at finally having a name, but knowing she was local was very unsettling. She could have been any of those glimpses of blonde hair I’d seen over the past few weeks.

I forwarded the email to Charles, Leandro, and the police officer, then replied to Ms. Cortez, thanking her profusely.

“Now what?” Dieter asked.

“Cortez said we have two choices,” I said. “We can just sit on the information and see what she does, or we can have a lawyer draft a letter to her letting her know that we know who she is and that we’ll take legal action if she doesn’t cease and desist.” I ran my hand through my hair, a nervous habit I’d picked up from Dieter. “That might scare her enough to make her back off, or it might tip her over the edge, depending on how unstable she is.”

“What do you want to do?,” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just don’t know.”

************************************

In the end, we decided to let Samantha Bixby know we were on to her. If the lawyer’s letter scared her off, the problem would be solved. If it provoked her to step up her harassment, then maybe we’d finally have some reason for the police to get involved. It was risky, but with the alarm system as well as Charles and Leandro, we felt pretty safe.

Two weeks after the letter went out (delivered by registered mail, so we knew she’d received it), there hadn’t been any comments from any of her accounts, even though Dieter and I had both posted several photos. I was starting to relax for the first time in months. Then the power went out.

It was a windy night, one of those Santa Ana winds that just keep blowing and blowing, grinding away at everyone’s nerves, fanning wildfires and knocking out power poles right and left. As soon as the lights went out, my cell phone rang. It was Charles, who was on duty that night.

“Looks like power’s out on the whole block,” he said. “Your alarm should switch to backup battery but I don’t think the cameras will work, so I’ll walk the perimeter every so often until the power’s back on. If you need anything, call me.”

“Okay, be careful out there,” I replied. I knew how crazy the winds could be, sending flying debris everywhere.

Dieter found some candles and our battery operated lantern. “Charles?,” he asked when he came back into the room.

“Yeah, he’s going to do perimeter checks until the power comes back on, since the cameras won’t work, but he said the alarm itself should switch to backup.”

Dieter shook his head. “No, it won’t,” he said. “They called yesterday to say there’s been a recall on those batteries and they’ll be out next week to replace it.”

“Shit,” I said, texting the information to Charles. Even though Samantha had been quiet lately, the power outage and the wind had me nervous again.

“It’ll be okay,” Dieter said, wrapping his arms around me. “Charles is out there. Let’s just call it a night and everything will be fine in the morning.”

He blew out the candles and let me into the bedroom, holding the lantern ahead of him. I started giggling, because it reminded me of Phantom of the Opera, when the Phantom is leading Christine into the catacombs on the way to his lair.

“‘What’s so funny?” Dieter asked.

“All you need is a mask and a cape, and you’d be a perfect Phantom,” I said.

“Aw, shit,” he said, shaking his head. “Just don’t expect me to sing, okay?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I said. “But maybe I’ll sing for you.” I started humming “Phantom of the Opera” but he turned to face me and pressed his finger against my lips.

“No, we are not going down that road,” he said. “You get started on musicals and that’s all I hear for the rest of the week.”

“Spoilsport,” I said, but I stopped humming. We undressed and crawled into bed. The tree outside our bedroom window was tapping at the glass as the wind gusted, and I knew it was going to take me a long time to fall asleep. Dieter drifted off after about twenty minutes, but I was still staring at the ceiling an hour later.

I was just about to get my phone off the nightstand and check the SCE website for an update on the outage when I heard a noise. It was probably the wind, but something didn’t feel quite right. I palmed my phone and slipped out of bed.

As I reached the bedroom door, I saw a shadow move in the hallway, and then suddenly I was on the floor.

“Got you now, bitch,” a voice hissed in my ear.

She switched on a flashlight, blinding me for a second. As I turned away from the light, I thumbed open the Phone app and pressed “call” on the last incoming call, then shoved the phone behind the door so she couldn’t see it. I only hoped that Charles didn’t start talking too much when he didn’t hear me on the line.

“Let me go,” I said loudly, hoping to both clue Charles in on what was happening and wake up Dieter.

Samantha laughed. “Oh, I’ll let you go,” she said. “Go to hell!”

Dieter sat up, switching on the lantern, which he’d left on the bedside table on his side of the bed. “What the hell …,” he said, cutting off as he saw Samantha crouched in front of me, a flashlight in one hand and a gun in the other.

“Hi, honey,” she said with a demented giggle. “Stay in bed, baby, I’ll be there in a minute. Just got to take out the trash first.” She dropped the flashlight and pointed the gun at my head.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dieter said. “Don’t hurt her. Just … just tell me what you want and you’ve got it. Just don’t hurt her.”

“He’s right,” I said. She looked at me and I shuddered at the hatred in her eyes. “If you hurt me, he’ll never forgive you.”

She narrowed her eyes. “But if I don’t kill you, how can I take your place?”

“Think about it,” I said. “If I leave, if I go away and never come back, you can have him. But if you kill me … do you honestly think he could be with the woman who killed his wife?”

She cocked her head to one side, but kept the gun pointed at my head. “But … but how do I know you’d stay away? How do I know he wouldn’t still want you?” She started laughing. “Oh, how stupid I am … why would he want you after he had me?” She sat back on her heels and smirked. “I’m young, I’m skinny, I’m blonde, I’ve got perfect boobs, I can give him babies,” she said. She was actually preening, even as she kept the gun trained on me. “I’m everything you’re not, you fat old cow,” she spat.

I heard a noise behind her and I started sobbing to cover it up. Please be Charles, I thought. “You’re right,” I cried. “You’re right. He deserves better than me. Just … just don’t hurt me and I’ll leave. I’ll go away and never come back. You win. You win.”

She smiled at me, and then her face hardened. “No, I think I’ll still kill you,” she said.

As she leaned forward to press the barrel of the gun against my forehead, I saw Charles creeping up behind her.

“Samantha!” Dieter shouted. It distracted her just enough that her attention wavered. “Please, don’t do it. I’m yours. I’m yours, baby. But not if you kill her.”

She started to pull the gun away from me and that was enough for Charles. He lunged through the doorway, slamming her to the ground. She pulled the trigger and the gun went off, sending a bullet into the wall behind me. Charles quickly disarmed her and pulled out some zip ties from his back pocket.

Dieter was already on the phone with 911. “Yes, she tried to kill my wife. Our security guard has her subdued but we need an officer out here now.”

Samantha was squirming beneath Charles’ bulk, screaming obscenities and practically foaming at the mouth. I leaned against the wall, trying to breathe and trying not to look at the bullet hole two feet to my left. Then Dieter was at my side, and I buried my face in his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me.

“If I hadn’t had the phone in my hand,” I gasped. “If Charles hadn’t known what was going on …” I dissolved into sobs for real this time. Dieter rubbed my back, choking back his own tears, trying to be strong for me while I had a mini breakdown.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said over and over. “It’s okay.”

Leandro burst into the house a few minutes later, having been alerted by Charles, and soon after the police arrived. They dragged Samantha out of the room, then the officers took our statements. Charles went first, calmly telling them everything that had happened from his point of view, the power outage, his perimeter patrol, getting the phone call from me and overhearing Samantha’s threats. When the officer turned to me and Dieter, I was more composed, but still shaking.

I tried to tell everything in order, but the events were already starting to get jumbled in my mind. Dieter kept rubbing my shoulder and back, reassuring me without words that I was doing fine. When I finished, he kissed my temple before giving his own statement to the officer. After what seemed like hours, the police left and we were alone with Charles and Leandro.

“We’ll both be outside if you need anything,” Leandro said. “Just try to relax now. Everything is fine.”

They left and Dieter and I were alone on the couch in the living room. We sat in silence for several minutes, then I crawled into his lap, leaning my head on his shoulder and slipping my arm around his neck so I could press a kiss to his throat.

“I have never been more scared in my life,” he said quietly. “When she pointed that gun at your head ….” He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight. “I thought I was going to lose you,” he said, his voice ragged with emotion. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” He buried his face in my hair, kissing my neck and shoulder while his tears smeared across my skin.

“Me, too, sweetie ,” I said. “Me, too.”

We stayed on the couch, curled tightly together, until the sun came up and we finally felt safe enough to fall asleep. The nightmare was over, but it would take us a while to recover.

[klugenjoyer]

thjoughts on clive. love from clive

Long post inkoming

Omd guys it's my twin?!? Anyways oh boy I h-h-HATE that guy... He's so 🤢🤢🤢UGGLY and B-BAD😡😡😡

Okay but in all seriousness bro I adore him more then y'all could know. Well uh ppl who follow this hmmm mysterious anon who I definitely don't know now know what the degree of Clive brain rot I have (can't mention it here but if you know you know). But like

I knew Clive would get me as soon as I found out who he was. So for context, Luke is the reason I started playing the PL series. Anyone who knows me personally would know how me bait Luke is, I am VERY predictable. So when I learned there was this guy who had the grand plan of pretending to be Luke from the future to infiltrate Layton's life I was like oooo boy (also yes I unfortunately didn't get to go into UF blind) . What rlly marked my Clive journey's real start was definitely learning his name. Clive Dove. I got the spoiler of bruvs name from when my dear mutual reblogged q picture of him with the Clive Dove tag on it and I was like "bro... HIS NAME IS CLIVE?!?!?!?". Then the devolvation into madness really started. Uh insert discord screenshots

When it comes to head cannons though I will definitely say we all know Clive is trans fr. When it comes to my specific trans HCs for them I really enjoy transfem Clive (its a comfort hc 4 me) but when I'm doing stuff like officially like my official HCs that I stick closer too transmasc Clive. Why? Layton parallels. My whole life is fighting to make as many parallels between the two as I can mate it's a problem. It's just too interesting to me.

Other HC wise uhhh CLIVE HAS FRECKLES FIGHT ME I love planting subtle inconsistencies between him and Luke sm.

When it comes to drawing Clive I will definitely say I do enjoy drawing him more than Luke namely due to him having a tie😱😱.

My biggest struggle in drawing him prolly uhhh the freckles I curse myself with along with just his color palette ig. I can never decide how dark I want his hair to be. But tbf I do just have inconsistent coloring in my art sooo what can you do.

Other stuff to talk about with this awful man.... OH RIGHT! I'm STILL not over him being British Yuri Lowenthal like bro💀. It's so bad randall is also British Yuri Lowenthal like stawppp💀. Anyone who knows about me and my interests knows that I have a trying relationship with Yuri Lowenthal. Clive atp is prolly my fav Yuri Lowenthal character but I don't think he can take up the og for my fave yuri lowenthal voice performance (I LOVE YOSUKE!!!!)

If I'd have to pick like my favorite Clive thing... Probably still Sallufix's 'This Hurts' animation holy shit that thing is so good. The fact that tumblr user sallufix is my mutual still baffles me I am so in love with and enchanted by their work like hold shit they are like... The Clive drawer of all time to me. Also uh he made Envicto and I am obsessed with that man to no end no one even knows.

Anyways funny pictures to leave this post off with

This first one is my fave, it's my banner on my alt I still haven't used yet 🤎

Secondly we have this screen shot of someone saying "why would Goro Akechi lie" which I replaced with Clive dove (the I get in ubers and start lying one was also originally Akechi). May I note I'm surprised but also glad that I don't see many Clive Akechi parallel truthers

And finally the picture that I made to match with my friend the other night because we thought it was funny idk

[skinks]

how do you keep finding these incredibly niche and incredibly awesome aesthetics

omg WELL, I will try to be concise here!!

basically it started because I got really into vaporwave relatively early in its existence, I think I discovered it in around 2013. Now, something about there being an entire online named Artistic Movement with clear design principles was extremely cool to me, and 2013 is also the earliest I can find a use of the term “junglepunk” on my blog, because this is the term I was using as a personal placeholder for the type of stuff that I have since discovered is being called utopian scholastic. I figured, if there wasn’t a “vaporwave” equivalent for the art/media niche I remembered so vividly, I would just call it something of my own.

So, I came to this newer discovery because in the decade since getting into vaporwave I’ve followed just… so many aesthetic blogs. One of my absolute favourites is @newwavearch90 but I love going on an adventure down various tumblr rabbit holes of related blogs and posts. I also watch a lot of design history videos on youtube, as well as having an interest in lost media, old web stuff, analog horror ARGs, stuff like that. For example, this guy’s video about clip art is very interesting:

And so, a few months ago youtube recommended me THIS video and as soon as I saw the thumbnail I was like oh holy shit, I know exactly what style of design this is talking about. Anyone who used Windows XP would recognise this:

And once again, like the vaporwave discovery, the realisation that there are ongoing efforts being made to classify design movements of which I have vivid living memory was like… mindblowing to me. For some reason, lol. My appreciation for vaporwave has always been through a reflective filter of the media produced during that time, my response to it is really my response to the media, as opposed to having any real emotional connection to the actual time period and places the media is portraying.

And so after discovering Frutiger Aero I googled it, and came across the CARI (Consumer Aesthetics Research Institute) site. They work to catalogue and index this exact stuff, the aesthetics and reasoning behind all these different movements. It’s also co-founded by the same guy who runs @newwavearch90. Finding the actual names of the aesthetics I have the most emotional connection/nostalgia for has been less of a stroke of luck, but more because I’ve been snooping around the types of blogs and websites where I just happened to see certain posts tagged either Global Village Coffeehouse or Utopian Scholastic, then the giant lightbulb goes off. The relief of putting a name to a sound, an image, a feeling that was so important and exciting and comforting to you in the past, that has shaped so much of your taste and interests in the years since.

I think the base concept of “aesthetics” in general has gotten a bad rap in recent years. I know it can be grating to see teenagers try to categorise their whole identities into the easily consumed “aesthetic”, but we can’t ignore how much ageism and specifically misogyny is wrapped up in that assessment. Like, yes, where once there were just preps and goths it can be depressing to see teenagers (especially teen girls) ask themselves whether they are “old money east coast quiet luxury aesthetic girlies” or “mallpunk y2k whimsigoth aesthetic girlies” - but the problem isn’t in teens trying to find their identity, it’s that social media pushes the search for identity specifically through consumerism.

Teens liking aesthetics on tiktok just isn’t my concern. I’m far more interested in how art and design aesthetics relate to consumerism, to technological advances, to socio-political cultural context, to societal values. Why did these aesthetics arise at the time they did, and why were they popular, why did they fall out of the zeitgeist etc.

So yeah, to be not at all concise in any way; it’s because this stuff fascinates me and I love researching it 🥳

[uphirs-cringiest-worshipper]

hiiiiii tumblr people

been forever since ive actually used this hellsite but i thought id make myself a little personal blog so im not uh. lonely

my name’s marron, pronouns they/them. yknow. im a worshipper and student of Lord Uphir as you could have guessed from my url, ill interact with angel worshippers as long as you dont try to exorcise me or call angels to my home and shit. should be obvious but demon hunters and holy beings of boundless light DNI. also i think my posts might end up in a parallel dimension sometimes but feel free to interact if you’re not from my world!

more info under the funny cut [blog rules + OOC info]

In a world where the sun never rises, the demons of the moon descend.

Mankind is granted an ancient gift, and told to pray to the sky.

The surgeon’s disciple calls forth beasts with claws and teeth that rend,

And the moon illuminates a town where time passes peacefully by.

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

Welcome to Unmoor, a small midwestern town in a world that is not our own. A world where working mothers summon demons to babysit their kids, teens play pranks using ancient blood magic, and everyone knows the catchy jingle for the local exorcism van. In this alternate dimension, “modern gothic” is taken to its extreme, and yet the horrors are seen as something completely normal. They’ve lived with it all their lives, anyway.

It is said that Earth used to exist under the glow of The Sun, the ever-watching eye of the Angels. However, after a primordial celestial war, the eye was closed and The Moon, the cold and desolate home of the Demons, took its throne in the sky. In the modern day, no one living knows how The Sun’s rays felt, and they’ve adjusted to a dark world filled with horrific beasts and magical forces beyond human comprehension.

Most humans practice at least a little bit of the dark arts, which manifests much more visibly in this world. Whether their power lies in blood, primordial tongues, alchemy, or a pact with a Demon, magic can be found in all walks of life and can be applied in many facets of daily life. Marron, the in-universe owner of the blog, specializes in demonic summoning and communing with dark entities, though their powers are enhanced by their devotion to the Demon Lord, Uphir.

Other than that, life on this darker Earth isn’t too different from our world, especially in the mundanities. As dark a reflection it may be, there is still social media and gas stations and taxes. Taxes are the darkest force of all.

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

You don’t have to exist on the darker Earth to interact, but if you want to make your own character in this world, there aren’t too many rules. All powerful Demons and Angels, like Demon Lords or rulers (including Uphir himself who is reserved for me) aren’t allowed without permission to keep lore consistent. Lower demonic entities, angel drones, humans and semi-humans are allowed. If you have lore questions you can ask me, but I’ve left the lore kinda vague so people can expand on it organically! You don’t even have to live in Unmoor if you don’t want, you can invent another town or even country based on where you live. Please tag any posts from this world with “posts from moonlit earth”, and feel free to include “posts from unmoor/(where your character is from)”, and PLEASE accurately trigger warning your posts!!

Please do not interact if you’re homophobic, transphobic, queerphobic, ableist, racist, a sexual-focused blog, or you support any global genocide efforts. I won’t hesitate to use the report button.

[bewitched-forest]

20 questions for writers, tagged by @gremlin-bot

How many works do you have on AO3? I have 17 total works posted! And I believe, like, two or three WIPs I haven't? I dunno, I'd have to double check.

What's your total AO3 word count? 260,118. I- I don't even know how to react to that. Holy shit.

What Fandoms do you write for? I write for mostly DC, Danny Phantom, and Artemis Fowl. I have done a Spiritfarer au and a FNAF crossover over fic though. Just one of each. No, they're not the same fic.

What are your top 5 fics by Kudos? Danny & Billy: Brothers in Too Much Power The Rebirth of Tim Drake Ancient Deals Phantom Feathers Danny & Billy: Brothers in Too Much Power The Rehash

Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not? I actually try to respond to all my comments! I really enjoy all of them and I want them to know! (Yes, even the person who insists on leaving over 2000 hearts on every chapter) For certain fics, *cough* Rebirth *cough*, I also just enjoy torturing some of them by not actually answering their questions.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? None of my completed fics really have angsty endings, I guess. Once I finish Now We're Stuck Here to Decay or How to Fowl A Bat, maybe? But even then, both of those fic are suppose to get more solemn but hopeful endings than just a straight angsty one. I just like hopeful endings I guess.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I can firmly say a fic that I finished for the recent DPxDC WIP Swap, which is What Once Was Lost Must Now Be Found. Eldritch homeless boy Danny gets himself a family in the Bats. ^-^

Do you get hate on fics? Not hate, really. Some unnecessary criticism, sure, but not what I'd call hate.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I haven't actually really written smut. I mean I did roleplays with ocs before, but never like straight written it soooo. Yeah.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one? I do write crossovers! Exclusively crossovers. XD I'd have to say Formula For a Crime Scene, which a three-way crossover with Danny Phantom, DC (Specifially BatFam), and Artemis Fowl.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I have not had one translated, no. I would not be opposed to it however, as long as I was asked and somehow tagged in it.

Have you ever co-written a fic? Yes, I have done multiple actually! All mine actually come from events. Weltschmerz is a fic I am actively co-writing as a results of Patrol Partners with @spite-sapphic-starlight, @gremlin-bot, and @half-dead-ham. Ham and Gremlin are my partners and Kate is the... stubborn QPP that got us together. XD What Once Was Lost, which I mentioned earlier, is from a WIP Swap. Gunebug started that fic, and I finished it. And then Of Clones and Time Bullshittery is a fic I started for the same WIP Swap, but Itallcomesbacktoandriel finished! I frankly adore how Andriel finished it too. ^-^

What's your all-time favorite ship? Ooh. That's a tough one. I'd have to say either Artemis FowlxTim Drake or Dead!Tired, which is Tim x Danny Fenton.

What's a WIP you want to finish but you doubt you will? So. I haven't actually posted this fic. I started in like the middle. But its a Danny Phantom, BatFam, and Scooby Doo crossover fic that I've called Danny Phantom & Batman in: The Mystery of the Mystery Kids. I'd be okay talking more about it in a separate post if people are interested.

What are your writing strengths? You see. I asked my friends about this because I don't usually get specifics, just get told I'm a good writer. Gremlin's exact quote when I asked was "I don't know I just like it." I did get complimented quite a bit on my charactizations of Artemis Fowl, so I'll take that win.

Writing weaknesses? I've been told I can make dialogue drag. Someone actually told me this in a comment telling me I should go back in fic despite me tagging the fic as "No Beta We Die Like Jason Todd".

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I don't think I've done it before, but once I'm further in my duolingo lessons, I'd love to incorporate Spanish or Japanese. Especially since I adore the Hispanic!Jason Todd headcanons.

First fandom you wrote for? It's technically two cause my first ever fic was a crossover with BatFam and Artemis Fowl.

Fav fic you have ever written? I- That's just cruel. I can't pick one. I really can't. They all hit my sweet spots in different ways.

Tag List: (Gremlin stole most of my list. XD) @precarious-hermit @the-stove-is-on-fire @tourettesdog @halfagone

[prismatoxic]

I just finished your fic promises to keep (absolutely adore it btw- found it on baraag I think..?) and I wondered if you had any chilaois fic recs? I'm absolutely starved for content 💔

Ps: I have literally never used tumblr before so please forgive me if this isn't how this works (@_@;)

i'm so glad you liked it!! i haven't been reading a lot of chilaios fics lately (or any fics really), so my recs are mostly older ones.

my partner and i are working on imposter syndrome together, which is a canon divergence fic that diverges right near the very end. it's only got 2 chapters and the chilaios is mild so far, but extremely planned for

my partner himself has written obedience (petplay, trans chilchuck), the adventurer's guide to chilchuck tims (ongoing, not many chapters yet), sleeplessness (short cute drabble), and tiger lilies (post-canon smutfic with so many emotions involved)

i can absolutely highly recommend psiroller's break the lock series, any of the fics in curiosity anon's catalog, uhhh... let me think...

honestly i have many friends in this fandom but i feel like listing out all their ao3 accounts would take a while... there are lots of good fics in the tag though, i'd comb through looking for tags you like and compelling summaries and see where that takes you! there's also probably plenty of people who read more than i do these days who could compile a good rec list

we've got 199 fics right now (holy shit), so i promise there's a lot to find!

[ambersky0319]

Alright I need to destress AND kickstart my memory of nnt so! Gonna do a rewatch and write out some thoughts (inspired by @spacehostilityy and their rewatch posts, go check 'em out! 💜)

Gonna be using the tag #amber rewatches nnt btw ^^

Also might talk about Eternal a bit idk yet but keep in mind the rewatch is also to help me write that 😅 also also doing each post by episode because I ramble far too much at every little thing.

Enjoy the rambles!

Masterpost

Episode 1

Honest to god forgot about those flying sting ray things, and especially forgot they're one of the first things we see in the show!

The art? For the opening sequence?? Is so cool????

Like those things that can shapeshift in the forest Diane hides in are in there? And MAYBE Gerheade? Idk about her but one of the fairies look a LOT like her/has a dress very similar to the one we see her wear AND she's bigger than the other fairies

And are there any demons with feathered wings besides the blue bird like things? Because if not there's an armored character with wings like the goddesses (who only have 1 pair of wings in the art) on the DEMON side. Probably just digging into this too deep, but it'd be REALLY cool if that was foreshadowing Estarossa/Mael

I really wish Elizabeth had muscles and wasn't CONSTANTLY portrayed as being physically pretty weak (at least that's how it comes across to me - in fights she's constantly told to run/is never given any chance TO fight physically). Because she literally can't be?

Like Elizabeth has been walking REAL FAR in that armor and it is DEFINITELY not light. Do you know the strength she'd have to have to move that? She also slumps in it and her footsteps are slow/small so it IS weighing her down but the fact that she can move in it as far as she has - and probably up and down hills too without falling - is impressive

Anyway reminder to myself to show Elizabeth being physically strong in my fics from now on. This is canon now and no one can fight me.

Also the shot of Elizabeth on the hill in the armor with the sun glaring through?? It's such a gorgeous shot??????

Meliodas may be a shit cook but damn is he a pretty good server

Like mans got the entire tavern full and he's serving it basically alone cause Hawk cleans the scraps doesn't serve people booze and every customer is pretty happy and having fun (until they have the food lol)

I FORGOT HAWKS TAG SAID STAR BOAR AAAAASJDJFJDHF

Wonder at which point in time the whole telling your children "if you keep misbehaving one of the seven deadly sins will come for you in armor that's rusty from blood" because it HAD to be in the past 10 years, right? Unless people were saying that while they were still respected holy knights in which case,,,, ooof

But I'd assume a little after Zaratras was first killed

But also I wouldn't put it past this dude maybe coming up with it to scare his children lol he seems like a tired dad type

And here comes all the parts I hate

The groping and sexualization

Elizabeth is like. Fucking 16. And Meliodas DEFINITELY knows that. And just. Ugh

I do like Elizabeth in this color tho- the dark blue really suits her! It's why her uniform post-Meliodas' death is my favorite of all her outfits

How many talking pigs are there in Britannia??? Because Hawk's from purgatory and I figured THAT was why he could talk

And many other people get super confused/shocked by Hawk talking so it can't be common

When Elizabeth said with the most dejected face "no" after he asked if her father got her a talking pig Meliodas looked momentarily like "that bitch."

Let's be real he would've totally gotten her a talking pig somehow

Then he instant switches the conversation to try making her feel better 💜💜💜💜

I'm sorry, the order of WHAT?

"the Order of the Beard of the Mountain Cat"

Is this a translation error? Because if not... I have found my new favorite order and I am no longer worried about naming things in my own stories with ridiculous things

(also btw I watch in Japanese with English subs)

Wonder how the Boar Hat got so popular in this town in a matter of days. Like the booze is good sure but how tf did people find that out and who was the first person courageous enough to go poking around

Yknow. I'm surprised they didn't believe Hawk was the rust knight. I mean, the people who reported it had to be drunk right? Who's to say they weren't so drunk they mistook a pig in armor as the rust knight?

Damn Elizabeth is pretty agile! She's running across roots and jumping over things pretty efficiently!

Like as clumsy as she is, she still got some skills that they NEVER UTILIZE!

Also YOU CAN SEE THE FRAME MELIODAS GRABS HER AND JUMPS WITH HER I- HOW DID I NEVER CATCH THAT???!!

THAT SONG IN THE BG UUGGHHGHGHG

THIS ONE. I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. MY HEART.

I forget if we go over how Hawk and Meliodas met/how far we go into their backstory

Like is he in on Meliodas being a Sin/previous Holy Knight or does he really just not know? (because there's no way Meliodas isn't at least a little wary of Holy Knights himself, hiding for 10 years no matter how in plain sight he is)

I mean. Elizabeth. Sweetheart. Your dad IS laid up in bed sick. It just so happens that the holy knights ALSO arrested the rest of your family and refuse to get your dad help (I think? Cause Merlin has to magically treat the king for his illness later and I assume the holy knights would be wary of letting a doctor treat him. Maybe Vivian was treating him?)

Unless Elizabeth didn't know her father was sick. In which case. Oooooooof. What a reunion later if that's true

Meliodas 🤝 Zuko : "That's rough buddy"

I forget what crime Merlin committed, because Elizabeth says the Sins are "composed of seven terrible criminals" unless she's not actually a criminal when they formed at least

Ahhh that's right, Elizabeth probably wouldn't remember the sins well because they had to leave when she was 6-

Although I wonder if Meliodas also tried to make himself scarce around her once she got to the age where she would retain memories better to avoid the curse activating somehow? Because I have a shit memory but most people do tend to remember things, even vaguely, from the ages 3-6 (my friends and I all have our earliest memory around 2-3)

Meliodas stiff as a board falling when Twigo attacked lmao-

It does make me happy to see some knights in Britannia, even if they're not Holy Knights, try to confront Holy Knights. Sure they backtrack but like, who wouldn't in the face of that power?

Twigo got awesome eyesight to see Elizabeth's earring from that far, nevermind it's DESIGN. Like damn I got 20/20 vision but I doubt I'd ever SPOT that

I was gonna say how tf did Allioni realize it was Meliodas/how would he see Meliodas' tattoo but going back his shirt was already ripped in that general area so! Continuity win!

He be shitting his pants too lol man was holding the most dangerous Sin up and yelling in his face, and he's SEEN what the sins can do

Wonder if he retired after this. I wouldn't blame him

PERFECT TIME KICKING IN WOOOOOOO

Also Twigo recognizes his face? And says "how can you look exactly the same as you did that day" Was he the old guard that showed Allioni the Sins' carnage? Or was he a Holy Knight that survived that attack?

I guess he also could've just been an apprentice Holy Knight too that recognized him but asking that question to me hints that Twigo tried fighting the Sins with everyone else

Netsujou no Spectrum is such a great song too. The NNT soundtrack is amazing

Is the tavern a recent development for Meliodas??? What was he up to before getting the tavern but after going into hiding?

This also brings up how I really don't remember what time in his backstory he meets Hawk. I just remember they met in jail

This town is in the boonies Twigo how long do you expect this trio to wait until you can not only get a message to the capital, but receive reinforcements??

Mama Hawk best murderer

Oh nvm she missed :/

"Was our meeting chance or Providence?" man I wish I could say for sure it was chance and she got damn lucky (it'd be cool imo to explore how things would've gone if she'd found one of the others first) but. With the curse and all... There's a VERY good chance it was Providence

"I hope it's a real one this time" - Gilthunder

Okay so... When does he get in contact with King then? I'm pretty sure we SEE them interact around Ban escaping Baste but like. Gilthunder would have to know that's where King was before that. When do the Holy Knights find and make a deal with King?

And that's my thoughts going through Episode One!

Don't know how often I'm gonna do these, maybe after Wednesday I'll do a lot more? Idk we'll see

If you made it this far, you're awesome! Lmk who your favorite character is and I'll do a quick drawing of them for you if you want 💜

[bambirex]

It's A Game We Play: Chapter 7

Pairings: Geraskier, Yennskier, Radskier

Characters: Jaskier, Geralt of Rivia, Yennefer of Vengerberg, Radovid, original female characters, Essi Daven, Priscilla, Ciri of Cintra, Valdo Marx

Additional tags: inspired by Mamma Mia! (movies), crack, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, omega Jaskier, alpha Geralt, Alpha Yennefer, Beta Radovid, awkwardness, Jaskier is a good parent, protective Jaskier, weddings, found family, post mpreg, fluff and humor, alternate universe-modern setting, Jaskier is having the worst time of his life, Valdo is here to make everything worse, confusion, banter, insecure Jaskier, internalized slut shaming, light angst, family drama, there was only one bed, sharing a bed, Valdo Marx being an asshole, Valdo Marx and his ukulele from hell, drunk Jaskier

Rating: teen and up audiences

Full word count: 21,228 words

Chapter word count: 4,557 words

Chapters: 7/?

Summary: Jaskier's daughter is about to marry the love of her life, and she decides she wants both her parents at her wedding. Only problem is that Jaskier has slept with a little too many people in his youth, so the identity of the other parent is a mystery. That does not stop the bride-to-be from inviting three potential daddy candidates and unleashing absolute chaos in the process.

*

Otherwise known as Jaskier's terrible horrible no good past decisions leading to terrible horrible no good outcomes. Also known as the Mamma Mia! AU nobody asked for, but I wrote it anyway.

Chapter summary: Radovid, Geralt and Yennefer receive some more hysterical outbursts from Jaskier, some vague motivation from Amaryllis, a not very ideal sleeping arrangement, an offensive serenade, and some extremely confusing feelings.

Author's notes: It seems like whenever I'm putting these poor idiots through the shredder, my word count reaches insane levels. Half of this chapter is filled with screaming to convey everybody's emotions.

Read on Ao3

*

Radovid has experienced many awkward scenarios in his life, but nothing could compare to the tragicomedy of traipsing up to the inn his ex owned, with his maybe-daughter leading the way, as two other miserable people dragged their own baggage (emotional and physical alike) forward next to him. No one said a word since Amaryllis told them what they’ve already heard from Jaskier. What was there to say, other than holy fucking shit?

Right after Amaryllis finished her last sentence, she got a text from Jaskier, telling her to bring Radovid, Yennefer and Geralt to the inn, where they would stay until they managed to sort everything out. How they were going to find out the truth, Radovid had no idea. Amaryllis looked at least ninety-five percent like Jaskier, so it wasn’t easy to guess whose DNA was also in there. But well, they still had a bit of time to go until Amaryllis’s wedding, and apparently, they were going to spend those upcoming days trying to play a weird guessing game. Radovid’s head already hurt just imagining what was awaiting them.

Jaskier stood on the porch of the inn, his arms crossed over his chest. His lips were pressed together in a small pout as he watched the surreal gang approaching him. He was still wearing those distractingly short shorts as well. Not that Radovid looked at his thighs, or anything.

“Hi,” he said quietly once they reached him. He looked a lot less hysterical than he did in the goat shed, which was a much better look on him. “How long are you planning to stay… wait. Amaryllis? Present the plan.”

Amaryllis blushed in embarrassment. Her nose twitched nervously as she sent each of them a glance.

“Well…”

It was so painfully obvious she had no idea what she was doing. It was equal amounts annoying and endearing.

Jaskier sighed and waved a dismissive hand. “Okay, whatever. I still have three more rooms left, so…”

“Thank you, for letting us stay here,” Geralt said. He gave Jaskier a small smile. “I wouldn’t have been surprised if you made us sleep out in the goat shed.”

Radovid and Yennefer made a sound of protest at the idea. Jaskier snorted.

“Yeah, I’m not that evil. Come inside, we’re gonna get you all sorted out.”

“He’s still angry, isn’t he?” Radovid whispered to Amaryllis. She looked up at him with a sigh.

“Murderous.”

“Our time here is looking out to be very peachy, then,” Yennefer muttered. “Amaryllis, I really hope we’ll get to sort this out very soon.”

“I’ll do my best,” she promised with a little smile. As weird and chaotic this girl was, Radovid had to admit she was also very sweet. He was Jaskier’s daughter, after all, it made sense that she took after him.

Once they were inside the lobby, they ran into Ciri. She looked absolutely amused by the sight of them.

“You all look awful,” she told them with a bright grin. Geralt groaned.

“Thanks, Ciri. How kind of you to remind us.”

“Jaskier knows about me,” she said casually. Amaryllis made a confused noise. Ciri looked up at her, her teasing grin easing into a small, sympathetic smile.

“We didn’t really talk,” she told her softly. “So, you don’t really know who I am.”

“Yeah, sorry for just dropping you off here,” Amaryllis said. “I had to act quickly.”

“That’s okay, uhm…I’m here with these folks because I’m Geralt’s daughter.”

Amaryllis blinked. Her lips parted slightly in surprise. Jaskier turned around from where he was leaning against the reception desk, carefully checking his daughter’s reaction.

“Oh,” Amaryllis breathed. She swallowed audibly. She glanced at Geralt, who watched her with an unreadable expression.

“Thank you, for telling me,” Amaryllis concluded. She smiled at Ciri, but Radovid could see uncertainty in her eyes. It seemed like that after shocking everyone with the news she delivered, it was her turn to be shocked by the realization that she may had a little sister.

“This day is just full of revelations, isn’t it?” Yennefer whispered, as if she read his thoughts. Radovid nodded. He was truly wishing for at least one minute of peace.

Apparently, wishes didn’t come true.

“What do you mean they’re all taken!?” Jaskier suddenly yelled, making each of them jump. The kind-faced elderly lady behind the desk just smiled up at him.

“Ciri took one of them.”

“You took what?” Geralt asked in confusion, turning to his daughter. Ciri shrugged.

“A room.”

“Alone?”

“Yes. I need my beauty sleep, and you snore too loud.”

“Okay, Ciri,” Jaskier chimed in, “it would be much better if you stayed in the same room with your dad.”

“No, I’m not a baby,” Ciri scoffed. “I have my own room at home, I’m having my own room here.”

“She already signed,” the receptionist lady said, showing Jaskier the form. Jaskier groaned.

“Angela, this isn’t a legal sign, she’s not eighteen!”

“It’s just a room, Papa,” Amaryllis said, laying a gentle hand on her father’s shoulder. “She didn’t sign a mortgage.”

“Whose side are you on,” Jaskier whined. He rubbed at his temples. “How am I supposed to give three people two rooms?”

“One,” Angela clarified. A cacophony of Yennefer’s swearing, Geralt’s grumbling, Radovid’s stuttering and Jaskier’s overdramatic gasping filled the lobby. Some guests even turned their way to see what the fuss was about.

“What do you mean, one room!?” Jaskier’s voice went high-pitched. “Who took the rest?”

“I did.”

The sound that left Jaskier’s mouth was nothing like Radovid had ever heard from a human. They all turned around in confusion to see a guy with a mustache sitting next to a houseplant in the corner. He grinned brightly at Jaskier.

“Very lovely inn,” the guy said, lounging on his seat comfortably. “Especially that wallpaper. Did a toddler make it?”

Jaskier growled and made a move to lunge himself at him. Geralt caught him around the waist just in time before he majorly embarrassed himself, or landed himself in jail.

“Let me at him,” Jaskier snarled, flailing in Geralt’s grasp, “I’m going to kill him!”

“Oh, no,” Amaryllis groaned, realization settling in her eyes. “That’s a joke.”

“Who is this?” Yennefer asked in utter confusion. The guy stood from the seat and sauntered over to them, ignoring Jaskier’s struggle.

“I’m Valdo Marx, pleasure to meet you,” he crooned. He grinned at Amaryllis. “Ah, the younger Pankratz!”

He grabbed Amaryllis’s hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. She made a gagging sound.

“Don’t touch my daughter, you toad,” Jaskier growled. “What are you doing in my inn? Angela! Why did you let him in!?”

She didn’t reply, as she was too occupied with her magazine. Jaskier tried again, louder this time.

“Angela!!!”

“Yes dear? You know, my hearing…”

“Why did you give him a room?”

“Now, discrimination against your guests isn’t a good look,” Valdo tutted. “Do you want me to yell out in front of your guests that you would remove me forcibly, even though I didn’t do anything?”

Jaskier’s face was so red, it was a wonder his head didn’t explode. Radovid, Yennefer and Geralt looked at each other in total confusion. Amaryllis glared daggers at Valdo, while Ciri grinned in the background, once again very much delighted by the free show.

“I’ll double your price,” Jaskier threatened him. Valdo raised an eyebrow.

“That’s discrimination again. I think I should actually yell…”

“No, shut up!” Jaskier huffed. He released a long-suffering sigh. “I’m going to have a stroke. Is this what having a stroke feels like?”

“Okay, but who is this?” Geralt asked. He only dared let Jaskier go once Valdo finally retreated to the room he mercilessly took.

“The guy I’m going to kill one day,” Jaskier huffed. He put his hands on his hips. “Okay. So, apparently, this bastard has taken one of the free rooms, and Ciri doesn’t want to let her own father inside hers.”

“That’s right,” Ciri replied simply. Geralt shook his head at her.

“So, I guess that means you all need to take that one room left,” Amaryllis told them with an apologetic smile. “I would offer you to sleep at me and my fiancée’s place, but we wouldn’t fit.”

“And no one is coming into my house,” Jaskier told them flat-out. “There’s a camping bed in that room, you’ll be fine.”

“Oh, no, it’s actually that room with one bed,” Angela chimed in with a smile. Yennefer’s eyes widened.

“No,” she hissed. “No fucking way. I am not sleeping in the same bed with these two. I’d rather kill myself.”

“Ciri, please,” Geralt pleaded, “you can’t do this to me.”

“Sorry,” Ciri replied simply. “It’s time we subjected someone else to your snoring.”

“I’ll pay you to let me sleep at your place,” Radovid turned to Jaskier. He shook his head vehemently.

“Nope. I can’t allow myself to go any more insane than I already am.”

Radovid sat down on his suitcase with a groan. This couldn’t be happening. The last thing he wanted was to sleep in the same bed with someone he didn’t take there himself. Especially with someone who apparently snored hard enough that his own daughter refused to stay in the same room with him, and with someone whose career he essentially ruined and who he was pretty sure would gladly murder him in the middle of the night.

“You know what, that’s the most I can offer you today,” Jaskier said, holding his hands up. “If you don’t like it, you can actually go and sleep in the goat shed. I’m tired of this. Bunch of whiny babies.”

“Alright,” Geralt gave in with a sigh. His tough exterior seemed to melt like chocolate over a stove whenever Jaskier was involved, and well, Radovid did not blame him. He also couldn’t make himself put up a fight against him, even though this whole idea sounded like a nightmare.

“God, I’m so sorry,” Amaryllis told them. She did look super guilty, at least. “This is all my fault.”

It kind of was, but none of them had the heart to say that to her. Instead, they all followed Jaskier to their room, defeated. The wheels of their suitcase creaking against the floor sounded like a sad, off-key fanfare at their funeral. At least Ciri looked happy rushing into her own little suite, the cheeky little witch.

“So,” Jaskier started as he opened the door to their room, “this would be it.”

It was indeed a small room with minimal décor, but it looked cozy enough. Radovid hoped Angela only joked about the one bed, but apparently not. Indeed, there was only one.

“No loud music after ten in the evening, though I doubt you would do that, don’t take forty-five minutes long showers because you’ll use up all the hot water and I will be very mad, breakfast, lunch and dinner is obviously in the dining room, you will find it easily because there’s a giant sign above the door, there’s some gluten and lactose-free options, not a lot because I have to pay the bills somehow, breakfast is from seven-to-ten, lunch is from noon-to two, dinner is from six-to eight. The Wi-Fi is free but lags a little, please don’t steal the towels, you can find them in that closet over there. Do you need anything else?”

“Another bed,” Yennefer groaned miserably. Jaskier snorted.

“Yeah, unfortunately, that’s all I have.”

“Thank you,” Radovid told him, forcing a smile onto his face to hide the fact he was screaming in agony inside. Jaskier nodded at him.

“Sure thing. If you need me, you know where to find me.”

With that, he turned around and left. Amaryllis leant against the doorframe, releasing a breath.

“Whew, this is a horror movie. I’m so sorry guys, seriously. You have no idea how much. When Papa said you can take rooms in the inn, I didn’t realize… this situation would happen.”

Geralt sat on the bed with a heavy sigh. “Who’s that Valdo guy? He has a very punchable face.”

Amaryllis chuckled. “He’s Papa’s archnemesis. They went to the same theater group in high school and competed with each other all the time. He’s an obnoxious Beta who ‘dresses like an Omega in heat, and thinks he’s like an Alpha in bed’, as described by my Papa. A painfully persistent over-compensator, whose favorite hobby is antagonizing my father. They even applied to the same college of performing arts, but only Valdo got in. So, you can imagine why Papa hates him so much.”

“How come Jaskier didn’t get in?” Radovid asked. “He said he won singing and poem-reciting competitions all the time.”

“He got pregnant,” Amaryllis replied quietly. She ducked her head down guiltily- the same guilt Radovid, Geralt and Yennefer also felt, if the way they all hunched in on themselves at the same time was any indication.

Yennefer broke the tense silence, eventually. “So, how are we planning this whole… ‘let’s figure out which one of us is your parent’ thing?”

“I was thinking I would spend some time getting to know you,” Amaryllis replied, “learn about your habits, your life… to see which one of you is the most like me? I don’t know. I think by the time my wedding comes, we will have an answer.”

Her phone pinged. She let out a gasp when she checked the message.

“Oh, shit, that’s Sara. My fiancée. She’s probably worried my Papa killed me.” She sent them all an apologetic smile. “I guess I should leave you now, a little bit. This day was a bit too much for everyone, so how about I come back tomorrow?”

They all agreed that was the best idea. Right now, another heavy conversation with their maybe-daughter didn’t sound like fun.

“Okay, well,” Radovid started once Amaryllis left the room, “I guess since we’re gonna spend quite some time together, maybe we should also get to know each other.”

“So much for leaving each other alone,” Yennefer groaned. She all but collapsed on a pouf. “Whatever. What do you wanna know?”

“How did you two meet Jaskier?”

Geralt quirked an eyebrow at him. “Why is this important?”

“Just curious.”

Geralt hummed. “Okay. Well, I was holidaying with my family, we camped in the woods for almost a month. My brothers, and my dad. We own a farm back home, with horses and a few cows.”

“I bet your horse’s name is still Roach,” Yennefer chuckled. She turned towards the confused Radovid. “He names all of his horses Roach. No matter their gender, color… though he has a thing for chestnut horses.”

“Wow,” Radovid chuckled, “and you gave me flack for naming my tarantula Franz Joseph.”

“That’s definitely worse,” Geralt argued. “Anyways, we were all here, and Jaskier’s car broke down. So, I helped him change the tire and the oil. He kept ogling me all the time. He even offered to pay in nature.”

“That’s so him,” Radovid laughed. “He didn’t, though, right?”

“No. But I suspiciously kept running into him afterwards. He was somehow always around. Always flirting, always seducing. And I eventually… I slept with him.”

He rubbed at his chin, a little embarrassed. “I wasn’t very smart back then. Didn’t really know what I wanted out of life. Definitely not a relationship, at the time. So, I… I left him. I loved him, but I couldn’t give him what he needed. Nothing steady or safe. And I needed to go home to finish college, and be a personal trainer, so… your turn, Radovid.”

“Okay,” Radovid swallowed. “Well, my father died, and I inherited one of his companies, the mango one. My brother got the other one. I was… celebrating, not that he died, of course. But that I got a whole firm so young. And I was in a bar, and I saw him, and he looked beautiful. And I bought him a drink, charmed him a little, and then… you know. We also didn’t play chess in bed.”

“And you left him for the company, I assume,” Yennefer said. Her voice seemed to have lost its ire. Radovid nodded.

“It’s a huge responsibility. You should see my schedule. I forget to eat like every second day. I couldn’t just leave it. So… yes. I did. I chose the company over him.”

“Well, it seems like none of us were the greatest back then,” Yennefer said with a bitter chuckle. “I was doing internship in the kitchen of this very inn. It was owned by Jaskier’s Aunt back then. He kept flirting with me, always sneaking into the kitchen to taste-test my food. He was so damn persistent. And well, there was a bit of a party, I had a bit to drink, and I said fuck it, and I slept with him. I was hoping to be a master chef, so I chased my dreams and I left him behind. Nothing came out of that dream, as you all know.”

“I’m sorry, Yennefer,” Radovid told her, feeling genuine guilt over it for the first time. Somehow, as they talked, all of them revealing something of their past selves, allowing themselves to be vulnerable around each other, he felt less and less irritated by them. Maybe they weren’t such douchebags, after all.

Yennefer waved a dismissive hand. “Whatever. I guess I would’ve failed on my own anyways.”

“And what do we think about the whole Amaryllis deal?” Geralt asked. “I, personally, didn’t want kids for decades. I thought they were not for me. Then I got older, and I changed my mind. So, I adopted Ciri. I’m adopted, too. All my brothers are. We don’t have the most conventional family, so… but I’m still shocked, of course, that she could be my child, too.”

“I never thought myself to be a family man, either,” Radovid admitted. “I mean, I killed Franz Joseph. I forgot to feed him. Do you know how frugal tarantulas are? They’re like, the cactuses of pets. And I still managed to kill him, because I practically forgot I had him. I am still consumed by guilt every time I think about him. All I do is work, sometimes have one-night stands, get drunk alone like a miserable idiot, and the alarm rings again. How would a child fit into this picture? If I got Jaskier pregnant…God.”

“I always wanted kids,” Yennefer said softly. “And I had serious relationships. With Geralt, as well,” she blushed softly as she stole a glance at him. “But our personalities kept clashing. And that happened with everyone. I got married, and divorced, and rinse and repeat. And I cook in that awful bistro, and I don’t really have anything going on in my life. Amaryllis… I guess I’m upset about it. If she’s mine, didn’t we already run out of time to bond?”

They sat in silence for a while. Geralt hummed, fiddling with a loose thread on the blanket.

“I guess maybe it’s not too late,” he concluded. He gave both of them a smile. “Hey, is there a chance we won’t kill each other, after all?”

“Not so fast,” Yennefer chuckled. “Ciri is right, you do snore awfully.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Well, you talk in your sleep.”

“Great night ahead,” Radovid sighed. “A guy once said I headbutted him in my sleep, so, be warned.”

They heard a soft sound from outside, like strings on a guitar. They all looked at each other in confusion. Before they could figure out what was going on, someone all but tore up their door.

“What the fuck…?” Geralt grumbled as they spotted Valdo with a ukulele, grinning at them.

“You know how long I’ve been waiting for some good inspiration,” he chuckled. He played a chord, never taking his eyes off the confused gang. “And my oh my, how lovely it is that my room is right next to yours, and the walls are so thin!”

“Dude, get out of here,” Yennefer snapped, “what do you want?”

“Just showing you a lovely song I just put together after hearing your beautiful stories,” Valdo said with a grin. Radovid groaned.

“Nobody cares…!”

His voice was drowned out by Valdo’s ukulele, and then his singing.

Let me tell you a story, Which did not come with glory, About an old friend of mine, Wouldn’t even have to be wined and dined, As he opened his legs anyway, anytime!

First, he met Geralt, the big buff introvert, Jaskier looked at him and begged, ‘please insert!’ Now, he’s a gorgeous hunk, don’t get me wrong, But maybe his pull-out game wasn’t so strong, He pumped that flat tire, and maybe something else, Now, tell me, does being a gymrat pay child support well?

Next was Radovid, the smooth-talking boss, Jaskier melted for him like a piece of candy floss, His beloved mangoes are not the only ones with seeds, There’s a chance he left behind his fancy genes, His schedule is crazy, always the grind, but it’s so lucky, That for knocking up Jaskier, he did make time!

Pretty Yennefer closed the line, Her skilled fingers made Jaskier whine, She stirs her herbs and spices in a pot, It made Jaskier’s belly grow quite a lot! But not because she was such a talented chef lady, Rather because she may have made him a baby.

Sweet Amaryllis cries, ‘Papa, who’s my daddy?’ Jaskier is clueless, oh, that’s not dandy! Does Geralt inseminate not only horses? Or did Radovid sign the sire clauses? Was it Yennefer, who put the bun in the oven? This is what you get, dear Jaskier, when your legs are always open!

“Gotta go find Jaskier to serenade him with it as well,” Valdo said. He was lucky he made a bow just in time, because he managed to duck away from the slipper that Yennefer threw at his head.

“Get out of here!” She shrieked. “God, no wonder Jaskier hates you so much!”

“This is so insensitive!” Radovid growled. “What is wrong with you, seriously!?”

“This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard,” Valdo all but cackled. “Oh, Jaskier. What a mess you got yourself in, you whore.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Geralt rumbled. When his impressive bulk moved towards the door, Valdo finally realized it was smarter to flee, so that was what he did. Geralt turned back to the other two in shock.

“Can you believe this?”

“I actually am gonna murder somebody,” Yennefer growled. Radovid nodded, his nostrils flaring with anger.

“I’ll aid you.”

--

Jaskier put his forehead on his crossed arms, all but collapsing over the table. Essi cooed and gently rubbed his back.

“It’s okay, dear,” she told him sweetly, “we’re here for you.”

“I wanna die,” Jaskier whimpered, “this is a fucking soap opera. I can’t do this. I can’t.”

“Sweet cheeks,” Priscilla said, squeezing his hand gently, “I know this is bad, but you’ll get through this, too. You’re the strongest person I know. If you managed to raise Amaryllis all alone, you can do this, too.”

“You don’t understand,” Jaskier sniffled. “They weren’t just one-night stands to me. I…I loved them. I did. I…and they’re here. In my fucking inn. And Amaryllis is one of theirs. Oh, and she also wants me to get back together with the one.”

Priscilla patted his arm before she poured him another glass of vodka, neat. She didn’t even try to convince him that drinking his feelings away was a bad idea, this time.

“And what do you want?” Essi asked him. Jaskier wiped his face with a groan.

“I told you, I wanna die.”

“Seriously.”

Jaskier stared at his glass miserably. He wished he knew what he wanted- he wanted his daughter happy, that was for sure. That was the only thing he had no doubts about. And if this mess was what made her happy, then… he probably should go along with the ride. Let her pick the most likely candidate. As for dating one of them again…?

“They’re still so hot,” Jaskier whimpered, already a little too drunk. He broke down sobbing. “Why are they still so hot?”

“Oh, no, don’t go there,” Priscilla warned him. “Unless… you want to, I guess.”

Essi snorted. “Very helpful, Priscilla.”

“I’m a miserable, sad, fat, old Omega, and they’re all so goddamn gorgeous,” Jaskier lamented. He downed the vodka in one go. “I hate them, and their stupid dicks.”

“Priscilla, stop pouring him more!”

“I always forgot that damn pill!”

“Priscilla!”

“Essi, he needs it!”

“No, he really doesn’t!”

“I was a whore, and look at me now,” Jaskier sobbed, “I ruined everything! My mother was right, I’m a good-for-nothing, easy…”

“No, darling,” Essi cooed. She wrapped her arms around him, shushing him softly. Priscilla joined the hug, pressing a kiss onto the top of his head. “Don’t blame yourself for this.”

Jaskier sniffled, smearing his tears and eyeliner all over his friends. He hated this so much, and most of all, himself. He could hate Geralt, Radovid, Yennefer or whoever all he wanted, but if he wasn’t like that…it wouldn’t have happened at all.

“God, I’m sorry,” he pulled back, trying to wipe the mess off his face. “This is ridiculous.”

“It is.”

Jaskier cursed under his breath at that familiar voice again. He whipped around, and indeed, there was Valdo Marx and his fucking ukulele.

“You should go away before I do something I would regret,” Jaskier growled. Valdo chuckled.

“This drunk? You wouldn’t even be able to tell your legs apart from your arms. Speaking of legs apart…”

It took both Priscilla and Essi’s strength, as well as the vodka in his system confusing his senses for him to be tackled down on the ground after he heard Valdo’s song. Otherwise, he truly would have gone down in history as the person who brutally murdered his former rival with a vodka bottle.

--

As expected, the night was very awkward.

Yennefer looked murderous cramped between Radovid and Geralt, constantly muttering something about castration under her nose. She held something soft and fluffy under her blanket, keeping it out of sight. Radovid saw it fleetingly and realized it was a plush unicorn. He bit his lip trying not to laugh, because he was sure Yennefer would’ve truly taken his balls off otherwise.

He didn’t get a lot of sleep that night, constantly worrying about whether Yennefer would actually snap and kill him in his sleep, and listening to the absolutely terrifying, industrial washing machine sounds that Geralt made. Ciri wasn’t kidding, it was the worst snores Radovid has ever heard.

He also couldn’t stop thinking about Amaryllis and Jaskier, and strangely, his thoughts kept circling back to Geralt and Yennefer as well- and about Geralt saying that maybe it was never too late… but for what, exactly? Bonding with an adult child? Getting Jaskier back? Falling in love with someone…new? Or old? Learning some things about himself?

He glanced at Yennefer who held that unicorn against her chest, looking surprisingly peaceful in her sleep. Then, he looked at Geralt, who, despite the snoring, looked very handsome with his hair spread out on the pillow under his head.

Radovid stared at the ceiling and wondered if his company at home was still intact, if nothing else was.

[a-hell-of-a-time-archive]

Nathaniel Hawthorne (Hellaverse, and no I don't mean the actual author-)

An important note before I begin: Nathaniel, in BSD canon, is a religious muse and a Christian minister (formally) belonging to a conservative protestant denomination (I would like to think he's a flavour of Calvinist). As a result there will be talks of Christianity and theology, though mostly through a deconversion/deconstructionist lens), but I will tag such posts with 'Christianity tw' so people can block it! Nathaniel's canon is heavily tied to his faith and Christianity (namely because his character is derived from The Scarlet Letter, which is a book written by his namesake that is more or less a satire/criticism of puritanism among other things) and I will not be watering this down or shying away from it! I will, however, make shit/crack/meme posts about it, because it's fun.

Name: Nathaniel Hawthorne

Series: Bungou Stray Dogs

Age: 27

Birthday: July 4th

Star Sign: Cancer

Gender: Male

Orientation: Bisexual

Height: 188cm (6'2”)

Weight: 72kg

Blood Type: A

Likes: God, the Bible, faith, innocence, Margaret

Dislikes: Satan, heresy, sin, Fyodor

Affiliation: The Guild (Former), Rats in the House of the Dead (Formerly), Sinner (currently)

About: Nathaniel is, for the most part, a calm, smart, composed and calculating individual. He is rather cold and distant, and can be quite snarky and dismissive to others. He has a self righteous air to him, due to his belief that God chose him to dole out punishment and justice to those who he perceives are sinners and heretics. He can be quite zealous with his faith and belief, and he spends nearly every waking moment reading his bible or praying. He can also be quite ruthless when it comes to his enemies, especially with his zealous faith.

Despite this, he has shown to have a more patient, caring, and gentle side, though this is reserved for his partner, Margaret Mitchell. It’s implied that he has strong feelings for her, though he is hesitant to act on it (or, rather, he’s in denial) and will cover them up by bickering and bantering with her whenever possible. 

Ability: The Scarlet Letter.

Hawthorne’s ability allows him to convert his own blood into holy words, which he can weaponize and use offensively (Ex. Bullets, restraints, whips, and so on ), as well as defensively (the words can be used to form a shield). By making an incision with the cross around his neck, he can use his blood in this manner.

His ability can be used indefinitely, as long as his blood isn’t diluted. Said ability can also be activated remotely as long as his blood is present in the area. He can also use a pool of his blood to make it seem like he is walking on air, giving him a sort of pseudo levitation. 

Basically, anywhere his blood is, he can use it to attack, defend, and travel swiftly.

Hellaverse: (All of this is post canon and pure speculation.) After being given over to the mafia to atone for the murders he committed while under Fyodor's control, Nathaniel was sentenced to death. Upon awakening, he found himself in the very place he was warned about since childhood, and which had given him many a nightmare: Hell.

Nathaniel didn't need to guess why he was here; he had committed many sins that God couldn't cleanse him from, and for which he could never atone. It was only logical that he would land among the condemned, and would spend the rest of his days among others. A rather ironic twist considering it wasn't that long ago he was condemning people for the very same sins he himself committed.

For now Nathaniel is just trying to survive in his new home, and taking whatever jobs he can get while avoiding others, and the gazes of the Overlords and other powerful beings of Hell.

Or so he thought...

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOO dw it’s just part of your character development that’s honestly really funny (the way that you always find crazy people around you is also kinda crazy LMAO not even kidding you really did get the “it’s for the plot/character development” treatment

So real it’s definitely not ALL animanga but you can tell there’s some that just let the art or style carry actually I think you bring up a really good test though!! Like if you can co very it into a light novel and have it still be good then you know there’s at least some substance beyond just the visual effects…omg the jjk discourse about the female cast fr irks me like guys even maki is NOT developed enough like she fr is always just alluded to as tojis copy so??? Bro angel/hana’s treatment was actually foul I’m ngl I barely even remembered her until I saw her in the second to last chapter and immediately face palmed like bro why…..but yeah jjk is definitely not AWFUL awful but not as peak as everyone screams about

Oh definitely orv cast is developed and actually relevant also yess i love the platonic relationships and dynamics!!! Kdj and hsy are so funny LMAO I love seeing that kinda found family/platonic connection with kdj and co.

LMAOO so real like there’s chronically online but then there’s an even more extreme where it’s really “do you ever see the sun” but speaking of that post you reblogged made me giggle “are you pro or anti ship” “I have a life” LMAOOOOOOOO so real like it’s really not that deep guys

DDHSHS people on wattpad fr cannot handle reader not being the Mary Sue ultimate it girl with a reverse harem also to the people saying it’s perfect except the OCs bro it wouldn’t be the same without the ocs like let’s be real please and yeah like ESPECIALLY since it’s not even a commission of any sorts maybe you were just posting for the sake of being able to read it all through wp formatting and platform too, why people have the audacity to actually spew shit like that is beyond me like ok it’s not your story though??? And you really took the effort of writing out a comment to say this it’s much faster to just click the close tab button?? It’s like they comment thinking that you’ll go back and edit out all instances of your ocs??? Honestly disappearing off wp is such a mood

LMAO yeah I’ll definitely casually watch the anime because at least the animation usually has some cool scenes too but nothing all too serious after knowing what happens (actually I’m excited for the memes to come when the Yuta and cockroach curse get animated HAHA)

SHSGSHSHS it’s ok if you end up converting there’s a good chance that at some point I’d follow suit knowing us but the opposite sides of a war trope is actually so interesting I haven’t read anything with that in awhile?? Just generally not even on tumblr so many possibilities for adding in complexities and depth…wc Kunigami esp with the angst and the whole transformation of wc

REAL when kaneshiro fails yk Mira’s got you….still baffles me how yukis been sidelined (literally) sm WAIT AHAHAHAH im crying if it were otoya instead of yuki fwtkac i can imagine it where instead of reading looking at yukis account during that lunch scene she’s looking at otoyas profile and karasus like “bruh his hair looks like a fucking leek you like this one???” And then he enters the room where they play tag and he’s like “HOLY SHIT ITS THE LEEK DUDE YOU MF” while otoyas trying to think which of the fifty dates he went on karasus referring to

Ok good LMAO ik sometimes when people type on a keyboard they’re wrists get tired which is why the buy wristpads so jic that was you I didn’t wanna be making you type a whole essay response like normal LOL WAIT GAHAHAH the recent one where sae goes “this goal is still lukewarm” and literally has the whole genie looking trail this is too good

LMAO I’m gonna be honest most of the media I consume usually isn’t for the romance factor anyways like I usually watch kdramas after seeing like a cliffhanger betrayal/dramatic moment so I don’t even mind that it’s not super romantic LOL I agree having some crack shenanigans content is good it balances out the angst and romance

LMAOOOO noted I will take this calibration into account in the future o7 but YEAHHHH PURSUIT very hype

- Karasu anon

PLEASEEE i have made so many opps in my life and honestly i know there’s a saying that if you make enemies out of a lot of people you’re the problem but i really don’t think i am?? like i always try to self reflect and i definitely have been villainous in the past as has everyone but there’s a startling amount of people that dislike me for dumb reasons JHSFSD omg it’s so bad

whenever i think of dropping someone i’m like oh was i the bad person in this situation but being objective i hardly am 😭 this girl i think was just really jealous of me and so took the opportunity to put me down at any opportunity (she was also lowkey islamophobic and as almost half of my family is muslim i did not find her jokes terribly funny) and she was also one of the ones that like if i liked a guy she was suddenly OBSESSED with him meanwhile they wouldn’t even know who she was?? like she’d go up and talk to whatever guy i idly said was cute and they’d literally be like “who are you lol” 😰 there’s a lot of weird stuff w her she’s also HUGE into jjk and jjk x readers so i’ve always been terrified she’ll find my account hence why i don’t ever do face reveals or post pictures of things she might recognize (like my dogs…we had already stopped being friends by the time i started riding cloudie so i’m not scared of posting him) she only ever read on ao3 and didn’t try to figure out tumblr + she liked gojo choso and nanami none of whom i’ve written for so i probably would be safe but it’s still a thought in the back of my mind…anyways…

RIGHT like can you make a light novel out of this?? then it’s probably good…i think blue lock is a good counterexample actually where the story is very much so enhanced by the visuals because it’s a sport animanga but i think the sports genre is a little exempt from that test because who wants to read about sports KFHSD idk if that makes sense ANYWAYS everyone always says that jjk’s female cast is good as if not sexualized automatically equals well written…like yes gege did more for them in the sense that they were at least mostly covered up but that’s about where he began and ended 😭 BRO HANA GET BEHIND ME the way everyone hates her too i honestly just wish she got better treatment back when i was into jjk i LOVED her i honestly could write an entire essay about how i would’ve preferred she be written (like i did w kuni and yuki) but tbh the story started going downhill shortly after her introduction so idek where i’d start…suffice to say i would’ve had her be alluded to much earlier, not had her be obsessed with megumi (i think a romance between them could’ve been thematically and visually very lovely but NOT how it was handled and not given the fanbase jjk has), and expanded on the angel vs sukuna beef especially how that might’ve impacted the hana and yuji dynamic 😩 i think gege had the same problem as kaneshiro where there’s just too many characters but unlike bllk, there’s a much more expansive world in jjk too and that would’ve allowed for in depth exploration of more characters without slowing the story terribly if only that was a consideration yk

i don’t think jjk is horrible either!! there are a lot of things i enjoyed about it and i wouldn’t say it’s the worst thing to come out ever — it also suffers from having such a large fanbase that people are going to be disappointed no matter what direction gege goes in, so i have to give him that; however, agree, it’s not as peak as everyone says it is, and i think it’s fanbase would do well to recognize it for what it is (a normal shounen with slightly more gore but also with the regular pitfalls of the genre) sometimes i think the ending wouldn’t have been as disappointing if it hadn’t been hyped into smth beyond what it actually is yk 🤔 and honestly i don’t think it’s a failure of jjk to be that LMAO blue lock is very much so in that category and i still love that!! mostly because it is self aware and doesn’t try to do more than it has the capability for…instead it takes genre conventions and works inside them/expands on them (ego vs teamwork, the backstories of characters like snuffy) to maximize its impact?? idk if that makes sense HAHA like at the end of the day kaneshiro included anri’s hip waist bust measurements in the egoist bible and she’s also the only somewhat main female character so he’s not trying to beat the bad female cast allegations whatsoever he fr just threw chigiri in and called it a day but it works?? because he didn’t sit and say “hm how can we defy everyone’s expectations and astound the world” he was just like “ok soccer manga time”

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE SO PRESSED ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S SHIPS like i literally do NOT care i ship zero characters it absolutely does not matter to me…only ships that are important are nagimira, miraeita, and tabimira otherwise idgaf /j fr though like how hard is it to just scroll and ignore when you don’t like smth 😰 also the entire school of thought (mostly from 15> year olds) that you should just stop engaging in fandom or liking characters or whatever after the ripe elderly age of 20 is SO FUNNY but also insane like who do you think is writing the fics you enjoy?? i have many thoughts on it that would get me cancelled but to me the line is like “okay if the mangaka/anime studio drew the exact same character and said they were 20 would i believe them?? if so it’s whatever if not that’s a little weird” for example when i was a kid watching indigo league i liked gary oak LMAOOO but now i wouldn’t like him because he very obviously looks like a kid yk?? but there is functionally no difference in the way that megumi, inumaki, and ino from jjk are drawn despite them all being wildly different ages it’s truly just arbitrary and in my experience a lot of shounen is just adults writing stories about other adults and then making them be “in high school” to appeal to their target audience and make their characters be more relatable to high school boys aka the main readers 😭 anyways at the end of the day people like to police stuff like that a lot so i don’t really share my thoughts on it but it really is just live and let live i promise you whatever character you’re defending does NOT care that people are writing fics about them they are literally just lines on a page…

PEOPLE ON WATTPAD ARE INSANEEEE bro (related to the earlier point) it’s the same people that complain about adults liking characters that start spamming the most insanely foul sexual things at the age of thirteen like how do you even know what any of those words mean?? forget about saving yuta okkotsu from anne at accounting who likes to read fics about him after work SAVE HIM FROM THE TWEEN FANGIRLS THAT WOULD GET HIS ASS ARRESTED ‼️ since we’re applying irl morals to fiction and all it very much so is illegal the other way too 😭 anyways yeah they always have smth to complain about like if y/n isn’t a reverse harem lead with every single guy at her feet, every power in the world, cringy “cold” personality where she’s uber strong and tells people to commit, and isn’t lame asf they go insane?? people complain in the early chapters of pomegranate ink that it’s “embarrassing” how reliant the reader is on noritoshi and how she’s always sucking up to him…like hmm…let’s apply some critical thinking here…why would she (who’s been told her entire life that she’s good for nothing but bearing heirs, has been essentially locked in her room for her whole childhood, is considered “worthless” because she didn’t inherit her family’s powers, and was almost married off to NAOYA ZENIN) be grateful to the one man who allowed her to have her own agency and treated her like an equal??? why would she be unsure in herself?? why would she ask for help constantly and think she’s weak??? also when they complain about her being weak omg please this story is 200k words i’m sorry she doesn’t start off strong but that would literally be so boringgggg it’s all about the slow development!! by the end of the story she’s brought someone back to life, is a grade sorcerer, defeats a special grade curse (because lbr she could’ve gone all of the way and killed jogo if it weren’t for plot needing him to be around longer), takes control of her ENTIRE CLAN, talks shit to sukuna’s face and then is instrumental in his defeat COME ONNNN SHE’S NOT WEAK FOREVER GIVE HER TIME she’s been abused for years it’ll take her a sec!! and speaking of abuse don’t get me started on the way they talk about reader’s mother LFKJHSDLKFJ they fr act like she’s the true villain when she’s in no better of a situation than reader 😭 actually things are worse for her because she has no one but her daughter left and her relationship with reader only just starts healing in pomegranate…god forbid we have complex female characters though!!

HELP if i convert to itoshism i’m dragging you down with me i can’t do it alone!! and i think opposite sides of a war necessitates writing a conflict that isn’t black and white (or else one of the characters would be evil and that’s usually looked down upon) hence why most authors steer clear as that can be difficult to do without making any one side into a villain HAHAHA maybe one day i’ll tackle the challenge again!! believe it or not i have done so previously in ship in the harbor and ig i did it well enough people seemed to like it…who knows LMAO

PLEASE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING like fwtkac reader posts a picture of herself and otoya on a date and karasu swipes up on the story with an entire paragraph about how her new boyfriend is ugly horrendous hideous nasty fresh out of the swamp and whatever other insults fwtkac bestie came up with meanwhile reader is just like ?? your hair can be measured with a protractor ?? LSKFHSDKFJH omg there would fr be no tabieita it would be tabiken and then otoya would just be there because karasu will never forgive the “shrek lookalike” that almost stole his girl…wait that reminds me that according to hiori fwtkac reader is the only girl karasu follows on social media??? idk but that’s making me laugh rn because i think i wrote that he’s friends with all of reader’s friend group but he’s just so loyal to this girl who absolutely despises him that he won’t follow any other females but her 😭 honestly for all of her academic genius looking back fwtkac reader is so dumb because how did she not read between the lines there…

HAHA DW i’m all good!! i’ve recently begun responding to your asks on my ipad instead of my iphone which is why my responses have gotten exponentially longer and less emoji riddled LMAOO so it’s been chill!! responding on my ipad also means no random glitching out since i’m doing it on the website which auto saves drafts iirc so double win fr

LMAOO if you do end up watching it lmk how it goes!! and yeahhh if i’m ever going to go on a long hiatus i’ll make it explicitly clear like you will be able to tell without question that i’m gone otherwise it’s probably just me being silly HAHAH anyways this ended up being a bunch of random unrelated rants i’m sorry 😭

[realcowboysdrinkjuice]

hello Alexander i hope this message reaches you in good health. in the tags of a recent post you described being able to find roleplay partners when you wanted to even with social anxiety. pray tell how did you do this. thank you for your assistance. warmly, anon y mouse

Hi!!!! first off disclaimer- i haven’t done any roleplay in agessss so hopefully all of this still applies in this age of the internet!

but when i was a lot younger i first started out by roleplaying a ton on my own minecraft server (my dad works with computers so he set one up for me and my sister in like 2011/2012) and i played with a lot of people from school from me or my sisters classes which was nice because we both had a degree of control over it since it was Our server and it was a small group of people. to be fair i was also a child so even though i wasn’t medicated yet i probably had a lot less learned anxiety at the time even if i still had the shit i was born with lmao cause there’s definitely some things i struggle with now that i didn’t as a young kid since i just didn’t think about them as much then.

after that a ton of people moved to skype and we roleplayed a TON there and that was when i was a bit older so it was fandoms and things i was actually interested in whereas in minecraft it was random stuff or our own storylines or someone’s cousin was really into assassins creed and i didn’t (and still don’t) know a single thing about the game but really wanted to roleplay anyway lmao.

honestly after skype i didn’t really roleplay very much after that even though i did it daily as a kid/early teen BUT i was still finding some ways to make friends which can be transferable to this if they also like roleplay :)!! i don’t have many friends currently idk if covid fucked me up that bad or if i’ve just gotten worse at it over time so this feels a slight bit hypocritical since i’m not following my own advice super well at the moment lol but discord is HUGE. obviously you have to be super careful but ive made a lot of online friends by joining discords servers. even when i had to lurk for a day or two before i got comfortable (and i had people encouraging me when i admitted to that) even though i would still be an anxious wreck for a while if i met online folks irl they are still so so important to me and helped me so much, especially since i have an easier time talking online. smaller discords can be good if large groups of people are intimidating but bigger ones are good if you’re worried about being singled out and want to hide in the crowd. irl i feel like the ideal group of people is three cause if i stop talking it’s not awkward since there’s still two other people, but online i don’t really mind how many people there are since it’s a lot easier of a disconnect since im just looking at words on a screen. discord is also where i played dnd for the first time! i was 15 and i barely knew anyone there but i was obsessed w the adventure zone in early high school and really wanted to try it so i pushed through that anxiety. tbh now i think i might prefer just watching (definitely cause of the social anxiety but oh well i think that’s still a valid as hell way to enjoy the game) but im so glad i found an environment where i felt safe enough to try it even though tbh i barely remember the experience so i must have been so nervous holy shit.

i’ve never used them so i can’t attest to how great they are but tons of people roleplay on online forums! i used to use a website called chicken smoothie where you collect pets and trade and shit but they had a HUUUUGGGEEE forum where tons of people were roleplaying there, and since it’s a forum it feels like it would be slower paced even though i was personally a bit nervous about the formality of the ones i saw.

honestly just tl;dr it’s still so scary but i promise you there’s people out there who are also nervous and i think creating a story with real people is just so much rewarding then anything character ai sites can do. and i think making online friends is an invaluable resource for stuff like that, especially since it’s a lot easier to hit the bricks if you get scared, especially since for me personally im selectively mute and that’s not really an issue over text so that’s one less worry i have to deal with. but i really hope you can find those people because i have so many find memories of roleplaying with my friends growing up since that was most of my social experiences (not sure how to phrase that) came from since i was so anxious at school and literally didn’t talk to barely anyone like kids in my class straight up learned to talk to teachers for me cause they knew i wasn’t going to do it so hanging out with people online was so important.

hopefully at least some of this is helpful- i don’t have a ton of experience since im still only 21 and i also spent all the covid years being stagnant so honestly i don’t even feel 21 so i definitely don’t have all the answers but that’s what i found worked for me growing up. a lot of it is just pretending you aren’t as scared as you are and just being honest with people because in my experience they’re usually really understanding about you being nervous cause everyone has been there even if it’s not to the same degree. ALSO second disclaimer- im not in therapy (tried several times but i’ve never been able to talk to the therapist which is kind of an important part of therapy) so take all of this with a grain of salt because i have no clue if any of my coping mechanisms are healthy but i haven’t died yet so i guess im doing something right?

sorry this is so long lmao and i have no clue how helpful it is

[godstrain]

Rex’s Gardening Service here.

Loamy Soil:

Your passions outside of role play seep through in your writing; you bring an intellectual edge to your words, and it’s very satisfying to see. You’re also a very sweet person, and I hope you get to know you better.

Sunlight:

I’m just so impressed with your portrayal of Albert Wesker. This is a character I’ve loved for well over a decade, and yet I find myself loving him more and more through your muse. You don’t pull any punches, but you also don’t— hesitate to get down and dirty with his trauma and his struggles. Don’t ever change.

Drizzle from the watering can:

Tell us a self-indulgent headcanon that you have about your muse.

th,,, h

holy shit rex im going to fuckn cry???? what the fuck this is so sweet of you!!!!

but im going to get super real here.

honestly, when i first jumped into the RE rabbit hole, i was worried that i wouldn't be able to do wesker justice- and you know my track record of muses well enough from seeing me in the pokemon fandom lmao- and it's not like i haven't written characters that are sorta wesker-adjacent before, because i have, and still there was this lingering doubt which i will guess is due to the fact i had also never really been in a horror franchise because i had so much that i was afraid of. fear, i have found, really does hold people back, and i basically had to supreme exposure therapy myself and even then i was having a time.

that was ... may 5th, 2023. the day i decided to bite the bullet and make wesker a blog and write a character from a franchise i literally knew NOTHING about. and that's not often my style. i am a perfectionist at heart- proud and rather critical of my work, wanting to always put out my best and show that i know exactly what the hell i'm talking about. i'm a researcher and scholar just as much as i am an artist and writer- i accept nothing but 100%, and in the past, i would spend countless hours doing research before writing a goddamn thing, i'd comb through my rp partner's blogs for metas so i could make something unique for their portrayal (and that is something i still do and will always do), and then when everything was in place, i'd post a goddamn reply. i usually read at least 5 scholarly articles about a topic that i want to tie into a muse before writing a meta. i put my professional resources to use to bring life to my fiction.

but with wesker, i just went headfirst in. i didn't master the lore. i skimmed a wiki page and watched a few clips from various iterations of his character. i took a look at his tag on tumblr and twitter (and promptly was like mkay can't handle this right now). i read the wiki page a little more closely, and then i took the leap of faith, hoping that all the things i had learned from past characters and all the knowledge i had accumulated and all the experiences i've had working in the inpatient psych unit would be enough. i am not the type to leave anything unattended. this was wildly unlike me.

and i am so glad i did this, and more than that i am so, so honored that you have found more things to love about wesker through my portrayal. the portrayal that didn't get the same perfectionist treatment before it even saw the light of day. wesker, whose lore i have explored rather extensively in the ... what uh. 3 months i have been writing him- there's so much i still have to learn, and so much i want to explore. i see art as it should be: a mirror of life and society. the truth is, albert wesker could be anyone. that pain and suffering and horrible upbringing is a thing that happens. he's so painfully alive in that way. it's hard to look at the truth like that, but i also sure hate ignorance, in myself and in others. we cannot learn if we do not see. so i don't hold my punches, and i don't hide the aspects of him that i know sometimes would be cut out. there's so much i have learned from writing wesker- about how i write, what i expect of myself, and how i can better myself in so many ways, and i never expected to learn through this.

so thank you. thank you so much for this, it means more than i could possibly put into words.

on the note of self-indulgent meta analysis, i want you to know that i picked "wilde" for wesker's original surname because of my love for oscar wilde. it's a common theme in my metas where i will throw in something as a treat for myself like that. i picked cambridge, ma, for his birthplace because i live nearby, and there's something about having a character you love "nearby" that is??? sorta serotonin inducing. you know, in the style of tolkien's desire of dragons- "I desired dragons with a profound desire. Of course, I in my timid body did not wish to have them in the neighborhood. But the world that contained even the imagination of Fáfnir was richer and more beautiful, at whatever the cost of peril." and for me, i guess it's something like that. i keep the things i find the most interesting close in some form, yeah?