#hitting him with hammers

[time-for-crows]

What I’m getting from all this and what’s really pissing me off is that dream is making claims and not backing it up. He claims that Tommy supported the usmp and was stirring the pot but doesn’t show screenshots. Claims that tubbo and aimsey had talks with him accusing of banning and again no screenshots supporting his side of the story. He’s not against showing private messages clearly with what he’s shown already and being very selective with what he shows and acting like he has soooo much evidence is REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING. SHUT UP.

[sidecast-text]

hero of hyrule sketchdump

[gay-caesar-truther]

OUUUUGHHFHD Thinking about Brutus being pathetic again.

Hes got one of those "I destroy everything I touch" mindsets.

If he fell in love with someone he'd be like-

"I have killed you by simply being around you. I need you to forgive me for loving you. I'm not strong enough to stay away, I'm too weak. I'm sorry"

[sicc-nasti]

I love your silly mqm

THIS MAN?? He steals credit card info and eats ur snacks, he's the worst but eeeee im so glad aaaaaaa ;w;

[mothgenes]

i need to psychoanalyze him fr .

[weirdglassthing]

Don’t give a mouse a cookie but it’s don’t give an artist a canon detail about a character anyways torbeks favorite movie!!

Sorry for inactivity but I’ve got some FIRE things coming up 🫡

[starsetinsomnia]

[hydrus101]

Larson and his weird dog

[cuntylestat]

cursing louis and armand out is not enough I NEED A GUN

[metanarrates]

the 0th regression turn is the perfect execution of something kim dokja has been trying to create all along for yoo joonghyuk - here is a world where you don't have to suffer, where you don't have to lose anyone, where everyone you love is still alive. I'm asking you to continue the monumental task of living, and to make you believe in that terrible task, I'm clearing as easy a path as possible for you. here it is, your perfect world, where i can ask you to stay alive and you might just listen to me.

and it is a world where kim dokja asks all of those things of yoo joonghyuk... but still doesn't exist there with him. his vision of a good world for yoo joonghyuk requires kim dokja to exit the story.

[fatuismooches]

Every time recruits were assigned to a Harbinger, they were required to give a speech to the new agents. It was simply the way the Fatui worked - everyone must be made aware and dedicate themselves to the Tsaritsa's will through working for the Harbingers. The experience varied from Harbinger to Harbinger - if one were lucky enough to be with the Captain, they'd be filled with a sense of pride and bravery, if they had the misfortune of working for the Balladeer, well... one could guess how that goes.

Dottore's orientations were also anxiety-inducing, no doubt, considering the kind of reputation he had. Most recruits prayed day and night not to be selected to work for him. It was a very popular rumor about how easy it was to end up as a test subject of Dottore's. However, what many recruits quickly realized was that... working for Dottore was not as bad as many claimed.

Sure, some segments were definitely more difficult to work with than others, but it was actually preferable to working for certain other Harbingers. Just continue to produce results, and you'll be fine. Surprisingly, there were a sizeable amount of agents who adored Dottore. They would rave about him at any given opportunity to anyone who was willing to listen, and that didn't even include their signature handbook. It was also said that if you truly impressed him, he wasn't picky about rewarding you. Unfortunately for new recruits, they were still unaware of this and were left to shiver with their hearts in their throats, awaiting their impending doom.

Even worse for those poor souls, was that a habit of the segments was that they were notoriously late to these meetings, diving deep into their research and discarding it until the last minute. You learned this through idle conversation with one such segment, Beta, who especially despised this baptism.

"So... you just stood there and gave a speech to them?" You couldn't help but find the idea very funny, considering the kind of man he was. "What are your speeches like? Are you motivational, Beta?" He scowled at your teasing and focused his frustration on his latest creation.

"I don't have the time to waste on foolish things."

"Isn't it a good thing to encourage your employees?"

"This is the Fatui. They know what's expected of them," Beta scoffed as if he hadn't turned certain agents into flying robots in the past.

"Aww, but it sounds fun! I would wanna talk to them like that," you sighed. Most of the time the agents would bow, stutter, and quickly make themselves scarce when they saw you. Certain ones would just stare at you in awe silently as if they couldn't believe their eyes, and then scribble something in their notepad. You were unsure of their motives.

"There's a reason why Prime has never attended one himself ever since he created his first segment. All of us fill up our schedules to avoid it," the segment grumbled. He was the one stuck with the duty today. You only hummed in amusement.

"So when is the next screening of new recruits?"

"Tomorrow morning. Hmm, Omega's turn this time too. He's best at these things, anyway." You smiled as you had a very good idea.

"I'm going to go!"

"Are you now? Have fun." Beta responded dryly. Now that he thought about it, if you were so eager, perhaps he should have brought you to do most of the speaking.

"I will. I'll get them to be the most motivated Fatui agents there is!"

—

For a small group of people, they were starting their mornings with possibly one of the most frightening experiences of their lives. It was only natural for them to whisper to each other, all huddled up.

"I wonder if the rumors about Lord Dottore are true. Is he going to dissect us if-"

"You know what I wonder? What segment of Lord Dottore we'll get assigned to. I heard-"

"He has segments???"

"Apparently, he cloned himself at different stages of his life, so we'll deal with numerous versions of him."

"... As soon as the time comes, I'm putting in a request to transfer out of here."

"And that will be your biggest mistake. Lord Dottore is far more generous than you lot make him out to be."

"Pardon?"

"Lord Dottore is quite frequently praised by many agents around here. You just haven't heard them yet. Furthermore, he'll always appreciate results, regardless of your actions." The Dottore defender passionately gripped his chest. The group looked unconvinced.

"Are you sure they weren't under duress or something...?"

"Well, I've met his spouse once too! And [Name] was as kind as-" The poor agent was interrupted by laughter.

"Spouse? The sun would sooner shine bright in Snezhnaya than Lord Dottore ever being married."

"Is he even capable of love?"

"It's not a lie. Many agents who work for our Lord know them! In fact, they-"

"Ahem! Attention everyone!" A voice sounded in front of the room, that was... definitely not Dottore's. There stood a person who was... definitely not Dottore either. The room went completely silent as they gazed upon your rather proud form.

"You all were expecting Dottore, but I, [Name], will start this thing off first!" The glint of your wedding ring became all too noticeable for the new recruits as your eyes scanned the crowd. "Oh, hey! You're that guy I gave directions to a while back! You really did transfer over, huh!" You gleefully waved to him as he scratched his head, in both embarrassment and honor, and the agents suddenly had a feeling that the man was not lying about Dottore's marital status.

"Anyway, I'm gonna ask you all the question I know you're all thinking about. You're absolutely terrified of Dottore, aren't you?!" You pointed at them while their throats were dry from the situation. After a few seconds, they glanced at each other before nodding awkwardly. You only chuckled as you puffed out your chest.

"Well, I'm going to erase all those fears right here, right now. As the person who knows him better than anyone, I can assure you he's a great Harbinger to work under! And to do that... I'm going to give you all a crash course on Dottore's segments! So go on, ask me anything and I shall deliver!" Your resounding confidence was met with blank stares, save for the new inductee into the fan club.

"Are they really Lord Dottore's lover?"

"Well, they have to be... no one can just walk around casually claiming to be married to him."

"I mean... if someone like Lord Dottore is able to fall in love, then he can't be too bad, right...? We should listen to them."

One by one the nervous agents asked you a variety of questions - how to deal with them, how to tell them apart, what to do if they were annoyed, a few quirks to look out for, the kind of work efficiency he valued, the kind of sweets they most favored when it came time to pacify them- the more you spoke, the more engaged the new recruits got. You were rather proud of your skills.

"And if that wasn't enough motivation for you, do it for him!" In the end, you pulled out your one and only pet, the strange blue fox creature who blinked at the crowd who was loudly clapping for some reason.

"You know, I feel a lot more confident about working here!"

"I told you all, you just didn't believe me," the one fan said, still over the moon. But even amidst the commotion, a pair of shoes neatly echoed throughout the room, causing everyone to nearly fall silent at his presence.

"Oh... that's Lord Omega, right? His mask is black." Said agent got elbowed by another for speaking, as they all bowed lowly in respect. The segment was more interested in what you were doing here.

"... [Name], what exactly is the meaning of this?" The segment studied you carefully - despite your sweet smile, he didn't exactly have the best feeling about this.

"I gave them a speech of course! You need to motivate them more, you know? For the results you love so much! I just decided to do your job for you." Your lover stared at you and then turned his attention to the group who were standing stiffly.

"Is that so?"

"Y-Yes, Lord Dottore."

"Then you are all dismissed." The group blinked before quickly shuffling out of the room, mostly in awe at how casually you spoke to the Harbinger. You really were married...

"Just trust me Omega, those guys will be some of your most hardworking agents!" Omega looked at you thoughtfully - their demeanor did seem much better than when he spoke. But he still had a lingering thought that bothered him.

"[Name], you didn't tell them anything potentially... inappropriate, did you?"

"Inappropriate? O-Oh, of course not, Omega. I merely boosted their spirits into working for you!" You smiled, ignoring how his gaze was boring into you.

"That's all?"

"Yes, that's all!"

"..."

"..."

"Well, actually, I-I may have told them about the sweets thing again- hey- don't get closer!"

[hyakunana]

POV: Even with advantage and buffs, your local folk hero just rolled 1 in Intimidation

[hawkesque]

world's saddest, wettest cat

[fallingdownthestaurs]

Can you read my handrlwriting? I know I can’t

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Oscar: Should we give it legs? Ivan: Why the fuck wouldn’t we give it legs? [Oscar pulled a face and jabbed Ivan in the ribs; he’d been in a mood all day] Ivan: Ugh-.. the fuck, bud? Oscar: What’s the matter with you? Ivan: Nothin’. Oscar: I can’t be arsed guessing. [Ivan sighed morosely, shaking his head] Oscar: Don’t make me nick that hammer. Ivan: Christ, fine-.. I think I might have a lil’ thing for Frankie. Oscar: So? Ask her out. Ivan: I don’t wanna-.. well, I do, but I’m not gonna. It’s just a brief crush. Oscar: Is it the tits? She’s-… Ivan: No! Well-.. I dunno, I feel like she’s got another side to her, like she’s secretly a bit spunky. Oscar: Alright, you’re banned from using that word. Ivan: It’s true! Oscar: [snickers] Go on then, why don’t you wanna ask her out? Ivan: ‘Cause she’s friends with Courtney. Oscar: And that’s bad because..? Ivan: It’d make things weird n’ she’d probably be pissed I chased a new-ish friend o’ hers away. Oscar: [sighs] She would not. Ivan: If shit went south she would. Oscar: Why do you always assume everything’s gonna go to shit? Ivan: ‘Cause it usually does. Oscar: No, it doesn’t, you just focus on all the all the negatives. Ivan: Bah. Oscar: Don’t bah me just ‘cause I’m right…

[guillotine-drop]

I love Benny fuckers because any time I see a post being horny for that checker suited freak it’s almost always either

A. Something tender and longing. You want to feel his hands on yours. You want to cup his face in your hands and tell him “It’s okay. You don’t have to fight alone anymore. I’ll be by your side.” You want to feel him relax in your grip, want to feel and see the breath he’s been holding in for so long leave his lungs. You want to make him feel safe, make him feel as though he’s actually going to make it this time. That he’s finally going to know peace. The boot riders, the chairmen, it was all for this moment; it was all for the sanctity of having someone he can trust, fully and openly, with his life.

Or B. You wanna grab him by the leg and swing him around over your head and throw him at the walls like a milk soaked ragdoll and hit him with a stick and just generally treat him like a chew toy (he is buck naked save for his suit jacket and enjoying all of this a little too much)