#his whole thing is that he has an almost detrimental need to save people

[resizura]

a classic

[descendant-of-truth]

Y'know, it occurs to me - Movie!Sonic has a lot more in common Shadow than any other version of Sonic that I know of, and that creates a unique storytelling opportunity that wouldn't have been possible before.

Because originally, Shadow having a dark and traumatic backstory was what separated him from Sonic. Their similarities came out more in their confidence, their playful attitude, and even their withdrawn demeanor (though Shadow's is more extreme). Sonic's genuine ability to be carefree and optimistic was his biggest difference from Shadow.

In the movies, Sonic is... not nearly as put-together. Just like Shadow, his personality is shaped almost entirely from the result of tragedy. Both of them had to watch their closest family member get shot trying to save them from raiders (who were specifically targeting them for their powers) by sending them to Earth. The difference here is that, for Shadow, this event is fresh in his mind, while Sonic's had ten years (give or take) to accept what happened and move on.

Except, there's more, because losing Longclaw is itself not the main thing informing Sonic's character - it's the fact that he spent those next ten years in near-total isolation. Also similarly to Shadow, he took the last words his family said to him very seriously, and she told him to stay hidden no matter what. Combine that with the natural fear of what being found did to Longclaw, and the majority of Sonic's life has been spent hidden away, looking out at the world but unable to participate in it.

Remind you of anyone?

(I swear if the movie doesn't make a point about this parallel specifically I'm gonna lose it)

Normally, Sonic is a silly and upbeat character because that's just how he is by nature, and the feelings he keeps to himself are rarely detrimental to his health. In the movie universe, Sonic is silly and upbeat because he needed to be that way in order for his life to be bearable.

His constant chatter isn't quirky for the sake of it, it's a habit he developed out of necessity because there was no one else to talk to. He compulsively needs to fill the silence because not doing that would only reinforce how alone he was, and it's something he can't shake off even when he's not by himself anymore. His primary method of handling his feelings is to ignore them until they literally explode out of him with lightning firing everywhere.

All of this to say, a Shadow meant to be a foil to this Sonic is going to look very different from the Shadow we're used to. From what little about the movie's events have been described as of writing this, I'm inferring that Shadow's actually going to be a lot more open about his motivations for revenge than he was in the game, and that puts Sonic in the very interesting position of being more closed-off than Shadow.

Because sure, he might try to connect with Shadow's pain like he did with Knuckles. But because Sonic and Knuckles's history was so directly connected, they didn't really have to... talk that much about it. Sonic could acknowledge that they both lost their families a long time ago without having to go into detail about it or the aftermath. And because it had been so long since it happened, it was a lot easier for them to put it behind them and move on.

Shadow can't do that, because for him, Maria was lost very recently. He's not going to accept "you can move on and find new people to care about" as an option, and Sonic can't very well tell him to just ignore it like he did, either. Shadow isn't going to do the whole repression shtick.

For the first time, getting through to Shadow may just depend on Sonic being able to acknowledge his own pain, first. After all, how's Shadow supposed to interpret Sonic, if not as some random guy with a perfectly happy family and an obnoxiously happy attitude telling him that he needs to just, get over what happened to him? How can that come across as anything but naive and shallow without understanding how much Sonic suffered to get to this point?

(It's still a little naive and shallow even with that in mind, but the reason for that isn't because he has no perspective on what experiencing a violent tragedy is like - it's because his only known way of handling it is to leave it in the past and Not Think About It)

Though I do wonder if there's room for Sonic to initially clam up on his emotions even more after meeting Shadow for a bit? Like, he learns to some extent what happened, and is like "aw jeez if this is what could happen if I let myself be more upset about my lot in life then I REALLY need to reign it in" which is the exact opposite lesson he needs to learn but would be really interesting to watch

Point being, I think Sonic and Shadow are being set up as even more like mirrors to each other than usual, and I can't wait to see what they do with that potential

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 9

Propaganda:

Shinpei -

"Has a tendency to ignore his emotions in high stress situations in favor of looking at everything logically, even when it is detrimental for him to take that approach. Keeps meticulous track of everything that happens around him."

Sunny -

"Sunny has been told that his face is not expressive. He doesn't talk a lot and he often gets lost into his imagination. He is a great listener and recalls a lot of information being told he has a great memory (he is able to remember a whole speech about flower symbolism that his friend told him) He is compared to a cat."

Yuki -

"He has difficulty communicating with other people and suffers from extreme social anxiety, feeling like he's drowning when placed in uncomfortable social situations or scenarios where she doesn't know how to respond. This also causes him to go red in the face and clench his jaw, which other characters wrongfully interpret as him becoming angry. Through meeting Haru (and getting pulled into his plan to save the world), he becomes friends with him and Natsuki and develops his own strong interest in fishing."

Meursault -

"not only is he based on the character from camus' l'étranger who has actual scholarly debate on him being autistic, meursault is just… so autism. hes this stoic, terse guy with resting bitch face who doesnt really seem to fully process that he isnt showing any emotions and that that offputs people, and hes very blunt and literal with things. once another character asked if he had metal for brains as an insult and he responded by telling him the exact chemical composition of his brain to show that it is not metal. once the other characters made food so bad that when he tasted it he went on a minute straight long monologue about how much it sucked. he then proceeded to cook his own food which the giant evil chicken monster man that was judging the food tasted and said was so intensely done to the letter of the recipe that it was too boring. hes like if autism was a guy and that guy was french."

Zack -

"does things based almost solely on whether or not he wants to, at one point in the series, he doesn't tell the rest of the cast that he can fly a spaceship because he doesn't feel like it. he also take everything everyone else tells him seriously, such as when another character he knew as a kid said they were going to get married one day, he took it very seriously and was confused when said character tried to confess her feelings again and he said he thought their promise from when they were kids was still on."

Joujirou -

"This boy is autism incarnate. No social skills, no normal pain perception, complete weirdo. He even has a special interest which becomes a mild issue when he joins the main cast lol."

Alus the Star Runner -

"He’s a three-armed wyvern gunslinger with cool goggles and a lightsaber. Need I say more? …Okay then. Alus was born as a mutant cripple and rejected by his kind but managed to overcome this and rise up to become Flying Reptile Indiana Jones. He’s famed as the greatest adventurer in the land, but also struggles to keep up a conversation and prefers to remain on his own (which is especially unusual for wyverns, who usually gather in giant flocks). He has exactly one (1) friend, whom he completely fails to understand as a person but still values and respects immensely. Despite his difficulties with social interaction, he’s repeatedly shown to be incredibly resourceful and intelligent, with a single-minded drive and persistence unmatched by anyone else in the series. (Also canonically asexual, because who needs a family when you can fight dragons perfectly well on your own?)"

Mamoru -

"the ORIGINAL autistic magical boy."

Shizuka -

"he's the most emotionally intelligent & mentally stable member of the cast & he's in love with the least emotionally intelligent & most emotionally volatile character ever. he's constantly got the vibe of looking into the camera like he's in the office while he's dealing with everyone else's bullshit. he's so steadfast & loyal that it makes me want to cry. he's so bad at expressing himself in a way that other people understand that for the longest time the boy he's in love with thinks that Doumeki doesn't even like him."

Idia -

"He’s a shut-in weirdo with long messy hair, a sleep deprived look in his eyes, and one of the few students to have a hoodie as part of his school uniform. He’s a prodigal tech genius with the vibes of burn out and depression. He’s usually quite meek around people, but when he clicks with a conversation topic, he gets all energetic and fired up and sometimes a bit haughty too. To avoid going out of his room and interacting with people face to face, he invented a mobile tablet with text to speech. He stays up all night playing video games and while he has trouble with IRL relationships, he’s made a genuine friend out of one of his gaming buddies (who he doesn’t realize is actually one of his classmates). He stans an idol group and once got into a hacking war against some dorm mates over it. He rebuilt his dead brother as a robot who has become somewhat of a therapist to him. The only reason he went out on a holiday vacation with school acquaintances is due to the location being featured in an anime, then bonded with the one guy’s grandma when he realized his favorite girl was based on her. For the Halloween celebration, he convinced his dorm to theme themselves after his favorite B horror movie, constantly infodumping to people about it and going all out in recreating the special effects. In Book 5, he has a minor background arc of being forced to do public speaking. In another Halloween event, he was forced to be a back-up singer and managed to pull through despite the social anxiety. He’s the most autistic student in all of Night Raven College and possibly in all of Twisted Wonderland too."

[twitteringnerdsneverfly]

Am I the only one that hates when this fandom tries to make doumeki the bad guy every chance they get? Like some people blame him for every single bad thing that has happened to yashiro since he entered his life and as someone that is really emotionally attached to doumeki I can't help but feel sad anytime I see them slandering him.

People are saying that he should stop pretending not to care that it's damaging yashiro's mental health more but what about his? I don't think people are being realistic about what's happening like imagine getting shot at and abandoned by confessing your feelings in the first place, even if you do manage to forgive that person you would never wanna do that again especially knowing how sensitive they get to that, yes I admit I hate what's happening between them and I wish they just talk it out but that's not happening anytime soon.

I honestly just want doumeki's pov I want to know what his thinking, how his feeling, is he still angry, what his next move is, how he really feels about the whole fuck buddy thing.....people are saying his caging yashiro but is he really? They are caging themselves, yashiro not willing to let go of doumeki again that's why he willingly gives himself to him and doumeki just wanting to be near the man he loves even if it means just sex it's sad.

Sorry for the long text😭 What do you think about this? I may be just sensitive because I really feel for doumeki

Hi Anonymous! 👋🏼 I wonder if you're the same Anonymous who asks me questions or if you're a different Anonymous every time? Either way, I'm happy to be asked questions, thank you for asking me for my opinion 🤗

So I also really feel for Doumeki. I fortunately have not come across the posts you've referenced. I will say however that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. So if people don't like Doumeki that's their choice and that's OK.

So people saying every bad thing has happened to Yashiro since Doumeki entered his life: I mean tbh a shit tonne of bad things have already happened to Yashiro without Doumeki. And that whole arc with Hirata wanting to take Yashiro out, had nothing to do with Doumeki. People targeting Yashiro is part of the Yakuza life, Doumeki or not.

Re: Yashiro's mental health - this is already fucked tbh. Doumeki or not, Yashiro has convinced himself he loves his trauma and almost died post timeskip in how brutal and messed up his sex has become. Yashiro is not OK. He never has been. I see no evidence for Doumeki in just coming to Y for sex having any detriment to Yashiro's mental health.

The only thing this is going to do, is make Yashiro question what he wants and this is a good thing.

I personally think Doumeki is a fucking genius. He has completely understood how fucked up Yashiro is, that any indication of sentiment of love, spoken or expressed in any way other than sex, will repulse Yashiro (in fact the tender sex already repulses him). Yashiro hates and wants the tenderness. Yashiro wants to be loved but can't let himself be loved because what is love? Doumeki has found the sweet spot: a way of being together without being together.

Doumeki is in love with Yashiro but any hint of this or pressure from Doumeki's side, as you rightly said, could lead to Yashiro shooting him or doing something reckless.

At the very least, Doumeki knows now that Yashiro's body reacts to him and only him. Y's body knows love and tenderness and now craves to taste more, though he isn't used to this new sweet taste when he's had such bitter experiences.

I can't see at all how Doumeki is caging Yashiro; in fact the opposite is true - Doumeki is on the cusp of setting Yashiro free. But Doumeki can only open the birdcage. Yashiro needs to choose to fly. Yashiro needs to choose to accept this tenderness, this devotion, this love and accept the rough punishing sex isn't actually what he wants.

Doumeki is the necessary catalyst to make Yashiro question. But at the end of the day, the only person who can save Yashiro is Yashiro.

I'm fortunately unbothered by others' negative opinions of Doumeki. If people don't like him that's OK.

I trust my own opinion here and I love both Doumeki and Yashiro. I want both to receive the love that each other can give more than just the sex.

Yashiro needs to accept that he is in love with Doumeki and right now, Doumeki has accepted that for now, Yashiro can't love him.

But in the unspoken plains of sex, both can love and hide their true feelings at the exact same time.

[anulithots]

Ooh...So excited when I know that you are now a fan of Link Click, too.... Can I ask something from Link Click? What do you think are Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....

P.s

Also, can I ask your top fav characters and fav moments from the series (Link Click), if you don't mind me asking (again)....? Thanks so much....

KLDKJfdskj THANK YOU FOR THE ASK! I had answered it, wanted to save it for further thoughts... then tumblr wiped the post.

THENNN THIS SAT IN MY DRAFTS FOR WAY TOO LONG

I cry. Sorry this took so long!

BUT I Did handwrite some stuff down, so here we go!

(Just a note that while I proabably will analyze link click - how could I not - I won't try to do as much analysis as I did with Jujutsu Kaisen... because... well I did too much. Maybe burnt myself out? I hyper analyzed that to the point where it became another school subject... and LInk Click actually SHOWS backstory, so I don't' have to connect as many dots. )

CHeng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang's strengths and weaknesses.

Cheng Xiaoshi: he's empathetic, but so much so that it turns into impulsive decisions. Other than that, when he does have space and time to process his emotions, he's INCREDIBLY good at strategizing based on the factors of the environment + the emotions of those involved (Lu Guang will follow rules without being as adaptive)

Overall, I'd describe the Cheng Xiaoshi emotion pipeline to be this:

gets overwhelmed with strong emotions, especially when possessing someone or in a high stakes situation. In this state, he'll do reckless, impulsive decisions, oftentimes for the good of others... but he usually regrets it later

CXS has more time to sit with and process his emotions. He usually withdraws from the world at this time. (Post episode five, or after diving into the photo on his own, when he thought Lu Guang was dead)

He does his whole 'I have a plan thing' and it's ridiculously smart. He just needs time (and lots of it) to process his emotions.

Cheng Xiaoshi is also almost.. too trusting. He trusts others, empathizes with them, so easily feels and assimilates himself with others that he'll... probably get taken advantage of. (See season two)

He also clings to the people he has. This is neither a strength nor a weakness... it's both, it's a trait, and it will become either beneficial or a detriment depending on the situation, as is the case with a lot of character traits. The plot tests the flaws and benefits of a character. (Sorry small tangent)

CXS tries to prevent the same pain of loss from befalling anyone else/ people he possesses. He fears being alone (probably also feeds into his 'too trusting' + relies on Lu Guang thing. Neither are inherently flaws) and perhaps part of the reason he is so impulsive is because his parents left him so suddenly. He gets so stressed because he has to help them/save them, and he must do so immediately, before they leave him forever.

(See I'm analyzing but I'm having trouble with fitting CXS into the overall themes... hmmm.. I'll figure it out.)

EDIT: I HAVE THOUGHTS, I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT... MAYBE I SHALL LET THE THOUGHTS MARINATE MORE!!

Lu Guang:

I'm not sure if he restrains his emotions, has subdued ones, or if whenever he's around CXS he can act more 'low energy' because CXS is... a lot. /aff

(See Lu Guang sitting on the couch differences from when CXS is there versus when CXS is in a dive

Versus when he's alone:

*feet on the table*

*bouncing his foot*)

He acts like he's the level headed one, but he's far from it. Even in season one, especially in episode five (when he took a risk and it ended up backfiring on CXS) he can and will freak out the moment something doesn't go according to plan. And who often doesn't go according to plan?

Cheng Xiaoshi.

Lu Guang does his very best to... prevent against this. He means well. Pretty much every moment he's on screen is him trying to protect CXS.

He does keep secrets, but overall, I think he isss pretty open about what he thinks and feels (except for when it comes to CXS to his face... he'll gladly talk about it to Qiao Ling). In... I think it was episode six, he openly told Cheng Xiaoshi his reasoning for going back in time to deliver the messages in episode four... to alleviate the client (and prove to himself that it is possible) of regret.

As far as the 'strengths and weaknesses' go, for all the issues and benefits that happen because of him, it's really caused by his personality, his traits, that will be either useful or detrimental depending on the situation. LInk Click is wonderous at using the plot to fully explore the nuances of the characters, so none of their traits are 'black and white'. Very 'trolley problem esque' and up to the viewer to decide. *buzzes and explodes* /pos

In essence: Both CXS and Lu Guang are emotional idiots in their own ways (CXS's just louder about it /pos /aff) and QIao LIng is actually the only levelheaded one here.

... I need some more time and rewatches before I can fully analyze them well so that's that for now!

What I love about their dynamic

They both trust each other, and will break all of time and space (or not break all of time and space) for the sake of the other.

MOST OF ALL HOW'LL THEY'LL BREAK THEIR USUAL CHARACTER IF IT MEANS PROTECTING THE OTHER.

Like Lu Guang, for all the times he says that CXS cannot change the past, that he shouldn't interfere, caves if it means giving Cheng Xiaoshi solace. (Episode five when tried to help Cheng Xiaoshi save his mom, and in season two when he let Cheng Xiaoshi dive to allow police assistant guy - I forget his name - to give a flower ring to his wife)

For Cheng Xiaoshi, he'll resist his impulses and emotions, even if it causes him immense pain, to comply with what Lu Guang would've wanted. Epppiisooddee fivvee is a good example of this. (And of course... I think it was episode two of season two where Cheng Xiaoshi decided not to go back in time for the sake of Lu Guang's wishes). Cheng Xiaoshi 'gave up' on trying to save everyone in the town because of Lu Guang's urging, and even throughout all the dives he does, as early as episode one, he trusts Lu Guang.

Also, in a less dramatic sense, ... alll the little things they constantly do for eachhh other aklsjfkaslfklasjd fSCREAMSSS

Lu Guang checking on Cheng Xiaoshi during his nightmares, comforting CHeng Xiaoshi after the trauma that was episode five, the both of them constantly teasing each other, how comfortable they are in each other's presence. IT'S SO QUEER PLATONIC CODED I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

Fav characters and moments.

(in the prev version of this ask I started listing out EVERY SINGE scene in season one and started going to season two... I love them all. I love them all so much I'm going to rewatch it again.)

But as of now I'll list them out and include some of my screenshot collection (it is growing heheheh)

In episode one where Lu Guang slurps his noodles to tease CXS after he couldn't eat his spring rolls

The moment in episode two where Lu Guang proclaims that the mission is hopeless and CHeng Xiaoshi says 'Just because you don't see hope doesn't mean there is none'

AND LU GUANG SMILESSSSS:

Also Lu Guang smiling when CHeng Xiaoshi says how he wishes Lu Guang could've tasted the noodles too. There's Lu Guang smiling at things Cheng Xiaoshi says, what more does one need in the world?

ANY MOMENT QIAO LING IS ON SCREEN IS IMMEDIATELY PEAK FICTION AND I SHALL PERISH ON THIS HILL

Like in season two where Cheng Xiaoshi is restrained and QIao LIng slaps the lawyer guy in the face (I'm slow with names and need to rewatch season two)

Honestly episode five is a masterclass in good writing. The moment where Cheng Xiaoshi's mom is singing to him, then it cuts to Cheng Xiao's mother dying is just... *sobs*

WHEN QIAO LING CANNONICALLY CALLS CXS HER BROTHER AND IT FLASHBACKS TO HER AND YOUNGER CXS AND lakjfalksfjasklfjaslkfjaslkdfj

Cheng Xiaoshi's backstory in general... it was either in episode ten or eleven... or nine??? I still have to rewatch up to there. Epsically because CXS's backstory was explored in really nuanced and explorative ways before the whole thing was revealed, which makes any rewatches 1000x sadder. It's such good writing holy herbs.

In episode... seven I think it was.... when CXS as Doudou punched the human trafficker and Lu Guang had a surprised pikachu face... peak fiction. How this donghua manages to make me smile and laugh then ugly cry and stare at a wall for the next few hours is beyond me /pos /sooo impreeessive the wriittttnggg.

Lesbian Noodle ladies were amazing. 100/10. Bring them back the trio needs happiness

Lu Guang wanting to go the funeral in season two with an IV and half formal clothes, half hospital gown. He's smart but in the 'I've memorized an entire Library but can't navigate a practical/social thing to save my life' sort of way. Love him for that.

Wang Juan. She has an Ivan (alien stage) haircut and she was great and yes I have another aesthetic crush shhhh

When the trio dressed up as the cartoon characters to reunite Doudou with his dad.

Cheng Xiaoshi arguing and bickering with Xu Shanshan. Then when he dives as her, he immediately makes her look bad and it's hilarious

In the 5.5 extra where Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang play video games against Qiao Ling and both of them lose.

Qiao Ling and CXS both beating up a bunch of people. Peak siblings

CXS and Lu Guang beating up Qian Jin (I looked up the wiki and it has character namess yessssss). Peak queer platonic partners.

Moments like these? IDK I just like the idea of them spending time together without necessarily needing to talk to each other, comfortable in the silence.

SCREENSHOT COLLECTION:

.... I reached my image limit *cries*

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!

(and sorry it took me so long to answer it)

... now I want dumplings

[lets-try-some-writing]

You got any hurt/comfort Headcanons for the bots or cons? I'm kinda down in the dumps right now.

I am so sorry it took me so long to get to this! I will try to make it up to you with my writing! I hope this makes you feel somewhat better! (also sorry that this is all about Optimus, he was just on my mind when I thought about angst and comfort... also semi sentient Matrix has been living in my head rent free for a while soooo)

Shifts and Changes

The Matrix is a mysterious relic, one which very little is known about save what the previous Primes have revealed. It was always strange to Orion that each and every one of the Primes to take up the mantle seemed to fall into madness after a time. Orion also never understood this or why the Primes kept knowledge of the Matrix and its secrets to themselves. But after coming to bear the Matrix himself, Optimus understood. Sometimes he wished he didn't.

The Matrix is more than a container for ancient knowledge, it is an artifact infused with part of the sparks and wills of all who have wielded it. Because of this, it is in a sense... alive. It has a will, an animalistic desire to see Cybertron and its people protected, by any means necessary. As such it has no issues changing its chosen champion to better suit its needs. It doesn't just remake their frame, it latches onto their spark and slowly but surely begins to connect to it, gaining a greater influence over the Prime with time. It molds their mind, giving it's Prime the same drive and desire, and it whispers to them, changing their very code, making the Prime become something... other.

Optimus is no exception to this.

In the beginning, the effects were minimal, in fact, he felt better than ever. His frame was powerful, his spark was enlightened, and he had all the knowledge and wisdom of his ancestors to guide him. However as time passed and the Matrix's bond with him grew stronger, he started to change. At first, it was small things, like feeling disconnected from the world around him in a way he couldn't explain and feeling the urge to nurture and protect the few remaining sparklings. It was off-putting but not detrimental, so Optimus chalked it up to the stress of the war and overactive parental protocols.

After a few vorns, he found himself seeing the world differently, from a more apathetic point of view. Things that seemed so important, so urgent, felt less relevant, instead, his thoughts started to drift away from his personal connections and toward the health of Cybertron and its people as a whole. He began to pull away from others, cutting himself off in a way that was not noticeable to his friends and companions. He still comforted, listened, and connected to others, at least on the surface. But he found himself looking at it as a duty, a function, and an instinctual part of his being, not his own desire.

His acquisition of Bumblebee both improved his mental state and simultaneously increased the Matrix's hold over him. For a time he stopped drifting away from others and his slowly growing apathy screeched to a halt. He devoted himself entirely to teaching and nurturing Bumblebee, almost to an obsessive degree. However once Bumblebee grew to be somewhat independent, the agreement between Optimus and the Matrix ended, the latter of which quickly renewed its efforts to change Optimus to better suit its purposes.

By the time Optimus arrived on earth he was practically a dead mech walking. His only desire, his only purpose is to fight and die for his people, nothing else matters. Any cost is acceptable if it means possibly defeating the enemy and protecting his people. In his mind he is only one part of a greater whole, a singular piece in a grand eternal plan. He is one part of the Matrix, an incarnation of Primus's will and one voice in the grand chorus. His own belief is that he as an individual does not matter, he is but a vessel and the Matrix's latest attempt to make things right. He could care less about his own wellbeing, only his people matter.

The team can see this, and while they don't understand his self sacrificial tendencies or why he refers to himself as 'we' on occasion and talks as though he were present in some ancient era, they still try to help him.

Ratchet tries his best to draw out bits of Orion, mainly by discussing old times in an attempt to pull Optimus out of his own head. It works sometimes and for a little while Optimus is just Optimus, not the Prime and not the newest attempt to fix Cybertron by the Matrix. Ratchet knows it is the Matrix screwing with his oldest friend and he hates the fragging thing even if he knows it has goodish intentions. He does everything in his power to give Optimus what little reprieve he can get from his primely duties. He tries, he really does, but he can't do it all alone.

Bulkhead, Arcee, and Wheeljack are not anywhere near as close to Optimus as Ratchet, but boy do they try and help their Prime anyway. Random acts of affection, pulling him into games with them, or simply doing their best to engage in conversation are their best attempts. Movie nights are also a good way for them to get Optimus out of his own head as the Prime tends to get distracted by a good story.

Ultra Magnus also does what he can by emulating Optimus's own methods for dealing with others. He will sit with his commander and talk, not about anything serious, but trivial things. It forces Optimus to think outside of his duties, at least partially, and engage with others. This in turn leads him to be more expressive, to separate himself from the conjoined mind that is the Matrix in order to respond appropriately.

Smokescreen doesn't even know he is doing it, but by being his fanboy self he forces Optimus to act like more of a living being. He reminds Optimus of Bumblebee when he was young and brings up emotions that are usually well hidden. The Prime becomes concerned for and affectionate towards the rambunctious elite guardsman rather quickly after his arrival. Optimus got attached and now he is physically incapable of being stoic and mystical when Smokescreen is trying to do something stupid.

Bumblebee does what Bumblebee does and gives his caretaker love. This in turn wakes Optimus from his state of resigned duty and gives him a chance to be himself. Sometimes Bumblebee will act younger than he is on purpose when he can sense Optimus has fallen deep into his trance. On those days Optimus can't help but want to be expressive and interested. He wants to watch his sparkling grow and change, and the Matrix is equally interested in the events. And so for a brief time every now and then Optimus is completely unburdened and allowed to simply be himself when Bumblebee gets involved.

The human children also help Optimus return to awareness and often don't even realize it. They are just so unpredictable and alien to both Optimus and the Matrix that both can't help but focus on the children. Optimus wants to express himself and the Matrix wants new information to feed to its future wielders, and so the Prime is capable of being emotional, compassionate, and inquisitive around the kids. The Matrix even purposefully pushes forward more of Orion's traits when around the children so that it can gain more data.

And lastly, weather Megatron knows it or not, he keeps Optimus from fully succumbing to the Matrix. His taunts, his behavior, and his constant callback's to his and Optimus's shared past make the Prime feel. He forces Optimus to feel. Not even the Matrix can stop Optimus from feeling rage, sorrow, and regret in overwhelming quantities when battling Megatron. It is the most awakening activity for the Prime and usually leaves him expressive and open for weeks afterwards before falling back into the Matrix's grip yet again.

-

(So not really hurt comfort but this is what I have right now... sorry if you don't like it)

[wipverse]

random facts edition #2

what is their relationship like?

Star Sanses Edition

Ink+Dream

Ink and Dream met shortly after Dream is freed from his stone-y prison. They're allies first, united in their shared goal to protect the multiverse, and over time they become friends.

While they love each other, their relationship is not perfect, and there are still secrets and sore spots they struggle with.

Dream feels like Ink wouldn't understand the more somber, self-destructive angst-y parts of himself, choosing to hide them. While deep down he knows Ink is not the type to judge him for it, he can't make himself share his struggles after a lifetime of keeping up the Forever Steadfast and True Guardian of Positivity mask.

His escapes from obligation come in the form on cigarettes, people who don't know(or care) who he is and indulging in the only piece of his real brother he has left: his books(or, more accurately, what Dream remembers him reading)

Zero's apparent betrayal is another heavy hit on his conscience, and following it he throws himself into helping Core with building the Omega timeline and finding quicker ways to intercept Nightmare and Error's attacks.

Ink feels that his job, besides being the Protector of the Multiverse, is being the comic relief, along with downplaying his genuine fear at being so forgetful at times as just being quirky and somewhat of a klutz.

His coping mechanisms include, besides clowning himself, painting his favorite things, moments and people, helping Core build what needs to be built for the Omega Timeline(most often to his own detriment) and seeking out adrenaline inducing experiences(strong emotional reactions help vivid memories take root).

He struggles a lot with his memory, and how awful forgetting makes him feel, attempting to hide his emotions from Dream by only drinking positive paints, unless the situation calls for him not to, but it ultimately doesn't help his anxiety.

Ink+Blue

Ink meets Blue while fighting (alongside Dream) against Nightmare, Killer and Dust. Blue insists on defending his home and takes on Dust, freeing Ink from the barrage of attacks. Ink, Dream and Blue win the battle, and Blue expresses his desire to be part of their team and save others.

Ink accepts Blue into the team readily, but Dream is far more reticent to. Ink helps Blue argue his case to the Guardian, and he relents at last.

Ink and Blue's friendship is immediate, and Ink shows his new friend the Center just a few weeks later(which Dream disapproves of).

Blue is able to see underneath the layer of masks Ink wears and help him open up, and in turn the Protector offers Blue support in his journey to emancipate from his limited role in his au and expand his magic ability to include multiversal travel

Blue is the one to come up with the name "Star Sanses", inspired from an au occupant they saved, claiming that the group was " a little light in all the darkness surrounding us".

Dream+Blue

When Blue first asked to join him and Ink, Dream almost said yes on instinct. He'd been so tired, he hadn't slept the night before and he'd known they needed a new teammate for some time.

But this was a mortal. Moreover, a mortal from a perfectly whole au. He had everything to lose and nothing to gain. He couldn't let the pressure build on the shoulders of someone whose light didn't NEED to be dimmed.

Eventually, he relented. It's a choice he regrets every time Blue gets hurt.

But he does like Blue. He has a vibe to him, as if he just Knows things... and he does.

A few months into being proper friends, Blue manages to get the Guardian talking about it. The pressure, the expectations... the ways he forgets about it.

Blue reciprocates. He tells Dream about his childhood, taking care of Papyrus alone, feeling the weight of the world and faking a smile until it didn't have to feel fake anymore.

They often have "team dates", where they go lay on the soft grass of the Center while playing board games, or, after particularly hard days, just sit in silence, cuddled up under the tree.

[dangermousie]

I really really love Mo Xi. He is just so freaking righteous. But also, I like how  (and that is realistic), for Mo Xi like most people, everything is seen through a personal lens - he fell in love with Gu Mang, a slave (and then former slave) and so saw the humanity of his societal lessers - because Gu Mang was one and because Gu Mang cared about the other members of the slave caste. He would have never been an unhinged person gratuitously inflicting pain just because he can - that is not in his nature - but I don’t think he’d have ever been considerate and viewed “lessers” as humans if it wasn’t for Gu Mang. His very personal feelings led him to rejecting societal beliefs, as a gateway, and isn’t that always the case?

The way Mo Xi got up from his almost-deathbed, literally still bleeding from the wound inflicted by Gu Mang, and gave away a decade of his life to protect the lives and rights of strangers, and not just strangers but those their entire society sees as subhuman - because they mattered to Gu Mang, because they were all they had left of Gu Mang. I have no words.

The rest is spoilery so behind readmore, @aysekira stay away :)

And on reread, I hate the emperor even more, with a burning undying passion. Because he never meant to execute the army or yank the slaves’ right to cultivate as he needed that as goad and leash on Gu Mang, but he saw the opportunity to extract something else for the same thing, he sold the same thing twice - to both Gu Mang and Mo Xi’s extreme detriment; Mo Xi will never get a decade (!) back, Gu Mang will never get his own years of horror and torture back. And it was all for nothing, all for power cravings of a psychopath. 

It is all so much in keeping with Meatbun’s themes of seeming not being truth. Mo Xi IS cold and reserved and awkward. He has also done more for these men than anyone but Gu Mang. (It’s another side of the coin with JYX who is loved because he comes across as warm and humble but he is a monster.)

I loved this!

I love this confirmation that no, Gu Mang was never raped in that brothel or really not even abused as badly as he could have been due to the array. It’s a small bit of mercy in the whole thing.

I love the whole “they save each other’s lives but also souls” trope so much, over and over and over this happens. 

You know, that wild party in Murong Lian’s house reads SO differently on reread, it’s crazy.

Perhaps my favorite “aha!” moment is when Murong Lian looks at Gu Mang and loudly proclaims that slaves can only ever be slaves, their blood is always filthy - reading this while knowing that (a) both ML and GM know they are half-brothers and same blood flows through their veins and Gu Mang is actually blue-blooded by their societal standards is a TRIP! (b) at the end of the novel, Murong Lian’s ending is to run a school where anyone, slave or noble, can be taught for free to reach their potential, and to run it with Gu Mang is even more of a TRIP! Murong Lian’s masks have masks, but also, the school thing isn’t just a repudiation of their societal norms or his mother’s poison, it’s also (though I don’t think he ever thinks of it this way) in a way an atonement for his treatment and dehumanization of Gu Mang as a slave who should have no rights when they were children and teens. I think the reason I find ML so endlessly fascinating (he is probably my favorite supporting character in all of Meatbun) is because a lot of her characters are consistently good or bad (and the reveal or change is you thought they were bad/good but it turns out it’s the other way) but with ML it’s that, a bit, yes - he’s trying to save Gu Mang and get rid of monster emperor etc, but also Murong Lian was not ALWAYS good, he was a monster child and a twisted teen who actually grew up into a fucked up but heroic person and it’s basically a pretty rare arc.

Also, I was screaming at the throw-away line that Murong Lian was there when Mo Xi vowed ten years off his life to protect Gu Mang’s remnants and slave rights. He KNOWS how hardcore Mo Xi is for Gu Mang, he’s known for years.

[unclejackworthing]

[I'm honestly so pleased with Jack's character arc in my storyline with @illsuiteddowner . Unfortunately, part of it is on discord, part of it isn't written yet, and I wouldn't expect you all to read every thread I write anyway.

But, Jack is serial killing because he's convinced that it's his calling to bring justice to Wellington Wells. He's punishing the townspeople for having a hand in sending all the children away decades ago and for actively trying to forget all about their actions ever since.

It's satisfying at first. But, not forever. Eventually doing the same thing over and over again loses its thrill; each kill is just the same as the last and, no matter how many guilty people he kills, there's always so many more. It never makes a dent, it never has any real effect on anything. As time goes on, as the plague keeps spreading and the food keeps running scarce, it becomes clear that it truly doesn't even matter- everyone is going to die in a few weeks or months, with or without Jack's hand in the matter.

Then he comes across Arthur. He almost becomes the next victim, but then Jack realizes who he is. One of only two children who didn't make it onto the train. One of only two people in town who aren't guilty of their shared sin. (Though, he has opinions on Sally and how her pharmaceuticals have aided everyone in forgetting what they've done. (Opinions that I do not share, please know that I'm not the type of fandom person to vilify female characters, I'd die for her.)) He's figured out a way to break the cycle. He doesn't need to kill the whole town; it won't bring the children back. He needs to make sure that the only innocent they didn't betray makes it out of Wellington Wells alive.

So, he takes it upon himself to essentially be Arthur's bodyguard (in addition to finding him food and safe places to sleep) during his last week or so in Wellington Wells as he tries to cross the bridges and find a way out.

Jack’s intention is for this to be the end of his story. To finally right the decades old wrong by saving Arthur and sending him on his way to a better life, and then to finally rest. He's not planning to live past his last day with Arthur; he'd rather die on his own terms and with a sense of satisfaction for his one good deed than to starve to death with everyone else. But, he did have a hand in the tragedy. He does think he deserves death just like all the others.

But, he lets a bit too much slip to Arthur about his plans, sending Arthur away with all his worldly belongings just in case they may come in handy for him, since Jack won't be needing them anymore. He talks about the future like it's not going to come and Arthur, with safety finally in sight, no longer so wrapped up in the adrenaline of survival, realizes he's never asked Jack what his own plans are. Doesn't he want to escape too? Arthur’s beginning to realize that he doesn't. So, Arthur, being Arthur, offers him an out. He's not going to beg. Jack is dangerous, a killer- but he's been doing kind things for Arthur at his own detriment ever since they met. He's not beyond redemption. He gives Jack the option of leaving with him. Jack is convinced.]

[seldomscilence16]

Whumptober day 11:

"All the lights going dark, and my hopes destroyed"

Animal trap | captivity | "no one will find you."

Fandom: Ducktales

Prompts used: All

Soooo this combines things with Donald in it, meaning small things were changed here and there. Including the whole Webby being April and May and June being clones etc. If you don't know my military headcanons for Donald, I have a chapter explaining it in the 'Dime a Dozen au'. Brief recap is basically he and his team (including Josés older sister) were held captive on their last mission and experimented on. Donald loses feeling in like half his body, and two members on his team. Any questions, don't be afraid to ask!

…

Donald really needed to just, stop trying to do things. Obviously he just wasn't good at it, wasn't made for this world of doers, was cursed to never be able to complete anything. He thinks the only people that were ever able to work with his bad luck without his detriment, were the Caballeros and co. It feels like every other thing he can think of ended badly for him more often than not. And yeah, sometimes that was okay, 'cause it was saving others, but he's so tired.

He had gone on this little trip, by himself, because it was rumored to have exactly what he wanted. When you have a family like his, it was hard to get them gifts. Donald always hated that he couldn't spoil the boys like he wanted to, but he could do better now. And this time, all he needed was the mineral he could supposedly find here. To make a compass for Huey, a boomerang for Dewey, a shield for Louie-and maybe a piece for him to sell, a dagger for Webby, a new leg piece for Della, a handle for José's cane, a new piece for Panchitos guns, and new glasses frames for Uncle Scrooge.

He had a whole plan, was even hoping he'd find excess for a couple extra gifts for one, but of course, why would anything go his way? 

He feels numb, flat on his back staring up at the sky, one leg is bleeding profusely where iron has punctured skin, something he should definitely take care of, but he can't seem to get the gumstion to rise. He wonders what creatures out here would warrant such a trap, and why it was on a path instead of off it, or he wonders until a shadow falls over him and a face comes into view. 

How many times will he almost die before he does? Especially for being a part of his family, or for the friends he has, he should have kept his emo stage and stayed indoors. 

"Hello Mr. Duck." 

John D. Rockerduck had disappeared after the whole FOWL thing went down, along with several other nemesis' of Scrooge. So why wouldn't Donald find him on his first trip alone? He would have preferred Glomgold, he did not typically use traps such as these- though Donald supposed the hired muscle might of- but as it was, he's got a leg clamped in a foothold trap, an old arm injury acting up, and zero quacks to give. 

"Finally I can hit McDuck where it hurts!" 

"Oh? Is your money bin bigger than his?" Donald knows that he's almost never understood, but he'd burst if he kept all his comments to himself.

"Had to be the noisey one though, no matter. Jeeves!" The lumbering half dead butler muscle comes into view, bending down and slinging Donald under his arm with ease. "It's gonna be over for you, and with Scrooge at his weakest, I will finally show the world who's better!" 

Laughable really. But Rockerduck can think what he wants, Donald can at least envision his face when he realizes he's failed once again at Scrooge's hands, even if he doesnt get to actually see it. 

Panch and Zé had worried about him going alone, worried about his mindset and all that. He can see why now, laying limp in an enemy's arm, leg useless, feeling less than spectacular. He should be angry, fighting, screaming nonsensical barbs… wow, it's a rare state to find him feeling meh without the anger. 

"Say hello to your new home!"

 

Before he can even look up and make a snip about free real estate, he's airborne with an undignified squawk. He sees smooth dirt on all sides for several long moments before he lands with a thump- only years of falling that keeps him from braining himself, though his body would still bite back with a 'hurts like heck'. 

"If you try and get out, I'd keep an eye out for the night beast the locals are all chatting about. Oh and don't worry, no one will find you. Bye Bye!" Donald can hardly make out his silhouette above him, hole so deep the light barely creeps all the way down.

With both his legs, it probably wouldn't be too hard, Donald has gotten out of worse, but with his leg as it is itd take awhile, and he would rather not take his chances if there is a night beast. One could argue it's not laziness if he's avoiding a larger problem. 

Ah, is that where Louie's brain goes? 

Well, if he dies here, his family will surely kill him again for dying so soon after his last almost death with the whole FOWL thing. Maybe Duckworth would let him stay with him? 

Deciding to be semi productive in the meantime, Donald grasps at the two springs on the trap and pushes down as hard as he's able, moving his leg diagonally and hissing as it pulls free. Casually ripping his sleeve off he binds his leg as best he can, grateful it didn't get to the bone breaking part. This is certainly not nearly as bad as his time in the Navy. 

He leans back against the compact dirt wall, cool and damp as the heat of the day fades. But with the fading heat goes the sunlight, and his hole is slowly filling with shadows. He and the moon may not be on the best of terms, but he wouldn't mind its light right about now. 

He jinxed himself, he should know better by now really. Shaking his head, curling closer to himself to keep warm, All the lights going dark, and his hopes destroyed once again. He'd just wanted to make his family some gifts. It was just supposed to be a nice easy trip. 

How long would he wait this time? Would they look for him? Was the effort of getting out even worth it? He scratches absently at the wall, only to catch on something solid. Curiosity piqued and reaching through the bars of his mind, he put more effort into his scratching, revealing exactly what he'd come here for. 

What irony, to be thrown in a hole where his objective was waiting. His laugh is on the edge of hysterics, as he finds his time occupied with digging. Filling a makeshift bag- his undershirt sacrificed for the duty- full of the material, he uses the gouges as hand and foot holds. 'Look at me being productive and stuff, ha!' 

Just as he reaches the ledge, thinking just maybe he could brush all this off and pretend it didn't happen, a growl echoes around him. He groans, dragging his leg over the ledge like the dead weight it is, and lays there for a moment. He ponders staying there vs running- or well hobbling- and ultimately his hard earned loot wins out. He rolls, momentums himself into a standing position, balancing on one foot. He glares at the nature around him and the dumb moon that still evades his vision and leaves his surroundings annoyingly shadowy. 

Before he can get his first embarrassing hop going, the growling is right behind him, echoed by a scottish accented response. He turns an unimpressed head to find Scrooge and Della on a bear of all things.

"Donald!" 

"That's a bear." Donald states it, hoping to remind them of their mortality- however vague it may be. 

"Bah, I speak bear lad, dinnae worry about it." 

"Uh, but maybe worry about your leg, or we'll be twinning from head to toe!" Dellas' flashlight aims right at him and he shields his eyes with a glare.

"Rockerduck is on his way to the mansion." 

"Oh good, Webby's been wanting to test the new defenses. Get on lad, we'll get ye home." 

"I was rescuing myself." Donald says, making his way around the bear cautiously, weird hop not even causing the animal to flinch. 

"We should have been here sooner, we'll do better, no more rescue worthy scenarios!" Della heaves him up, and Donald can see her worry up close. 

A strange thing, what ten years and several life or death scenarios can do to a relationship. Did they care before? Maybe.

He looks at them as they make their way towards the awaiting plane. 

Are they working on it now? 

Yeah… maybe they are.

[saltineofswing]

Here’s some old art of HAWKMOTH, a character I have played with a bunch but that never made it onto Tumblr. Hawkmoth is ‘prodigiously and perhaps even detrimentally clairvoyant’, to the point of spending most of his life literally just walking around and stumbling into food, shelter, and problems that need solving at exactly the most opportune time. Don’t ask him when you die. You’ll get a serious – and, probably, correct – answer.

Hawkmoth is a member of the clandestine Order of the Moth, an order of oracular servants of the Road’s native-born god of time Thysan Thaumeta – which is, literally, an enormous moth. If the moth dies, time ends. So, pretty important to have a small town’s worth of well-trained guardians to protect it. Their compound, high in the dense forests of the Green, is miles away from any outpost, town, or settlement. They are insular and weird, but not unfriendly or unhelpful. 

Hawkmoth is the most powerful clairvoyant of any of them, to the point of finishing people’s sentences, answering questions that haven’t been asked, or providing portents of future events to people out of nowhere. He sees a multitude of timelines, often simultaneously, meaning that he can aggregate the likelihood of a certain event happening relatively easily. Mostly, this power works in regards to his own day-to-day life, although he can extend it to others especially if their ‘path’ crosses his own in a meaningful way. He spent most of his life eschewing any kind of agency, and simply went along with whatever his powers told him would happen.

He usually doesn’t act on his premonitions because, usually, his premonitions also include what he is going to say or do. So for a long time, he was so reliant on his powers that he just assumed he would be in the ‘right’ place, at the ‘right’ time, to say the ‘right’ thing, for whatever outcome he predicted was most likely, in every situation he found himself in.

His powers also mean that he is an absolute fucking demon in combat – he knows every move you and he are going to make the second you unsheathe your blade, and he knows every opening in your guard, and he has the ability to play the fight in his head a hundred times before you even know you’re going to be fitting. Hawkmoth is still bound by the limits of his physical body, but as long as his opponent has an exploitable weakness, he can find it – all the trial and error he needs to do is already done, in a version of events that won’t happen because of Time Bullshit.

Hawkmoth befriended August En-Zaied during the events of the Wild Hunt (see: Godslaughter), after his time-based powers allowed him to overcome Ganzrig Khalgar’s luck-based powers and he defeated her. When the Home Team defeated Glory and their slain allies were brought back to life, Hawkmoth vowed to help August return Ganzrig’s ashes to her family back on their homeworld of Ismes. But when he left The Road and was separated from Thysan Thaumeta, he lost his clairvoyant powers almost entirely (basically giving him a brain aneurysm. He walked it off). Eventually, with the help of August and his family, Hawkmoth grew to develop his own agency and decision-making abilities. His powers of clairvoyance returned, and Hawkmoth was able to save the En-Zaieds from certain doom. Now, Hawkmoth is less like a robot operating on a script, and has been accepted whole-heartedly into August’s family.

[wixelt]

just went through the entire hermitphipia au and cannot stop thinking about the hermits driving Andrias absolutely insane

Zedaph seems to make contraptions with the sole purpose of them accomplishing a net zero or acting to detriment but with every contraption they get at least one discovery that revolutionizes their technology out of the principals so he ends up being too valuable an asset to not give unlimited funding and a tram do document everything he builds or any experiments he conducts

Andrias thinks Impulse is one of the more reasonable ones and possibly capable of keeping the others in line so he assigns some of the troublemakers under him not realizing that these are the exact people he is only responsible enough around to assure none of them die (we're talking either ZIT, Boatem, Soup Squad, or all of the above)

Keeping Grian occupied becomes a top priority quickly, and soon extends to nearly the entire 26

When Xisuma shows up, Andrias thinks he finally has someone who can handle the others' mischief. Upon learning that while Admin is short for administrator, Xisuma does not, in fact, administrate the hermits but instead the world they settle on, he is both disappointed and concerned on multiple accounts, one of which being this guy is apparently a God in certain realities and that is a problem for the plan.

Joe Hills

Andrias ties himself in mental knots trying to predict these strangers. Marcy & Mumbo were both easy to understand, even if the latter still regularly baffles him.

But add more than 20 other varied, chaotic humanoids to the mix & everything's on fire again as he & the Core try to work out not just Hermits' individual quirks, but also the unique chaos that stems from certain Hermit combos.

His saving grace should've been that he's introduced to them gradually as they reunite one by one, but he has the disadvantage of meeting Mumbo first, who on his own is chaotic but in a benign way Andrias has quickly adapted to & can manipulate, if only by nudging the spoon as needed.

But then Anne Boonchuy & the Plantars rock up to Newtopia with False & Grian (& maybe others, but definitely those 2 at minimum), & Andrias sees bumbling Mumbo become a nonsensical prankster with one braincell to share just by being in earshot of this force of chaos in red.

But friends bring out different sides to a person, so that's expected... right?

Zedaph's a whole other can of worms. I'm not sure when they meet, but Andrias has gotten so used to Mumbo's ingenuity & order that he expects the next Hermit engineer he meets to be of a similar ilk.

He almost retires to his chambers with a headache after he finds out Zed's built a perpetual motion engine from salvaged parts... & is using it to power the world's (deliberately) slowest elevator.

He actually retires when Zed's genuinely confused by the idea of using it for anything else.

The only thing calming the king's growing frustration with Zedaph is what he can achieve if he combines the engine & Zed's other breakthrough with Mumbo's advances.

So yes, Zed gets funding & test subjects a team.

At some point after comes his first meeting with Impulse & he thinks "Finally! One of them who's sane!" (False is, almost, but she's hard to control unless nudged via Anne).

He sneakily puts Impulse in a position of keeping an eye on Zed & maybe Tango as well by this time.

An all new brand of chaos breaks loose.

Andrias isnt sure what happened, but there's a hole burnt in his throne room ceiling & the ZIT trio are stood around acting innocent. Impulse is covered head to toe in soot.

It's taking all Andrias' mental effort to keep his composure.

Andrias lucks out with Grian. Though his interactions with Mumbo make it clear the waffle haired builder's a force of prankster chaos of godlike proportions that cannot be halted, he spends a lot of time focused on going on adventures with Anne or making secret plans for a revolution (it's an instinct for Grian, & he doesn't know the context nor which side he's on til True Colors).

That doesn't mean there aren't a few surprises Andrias has to curb, though. The city-wide game of Tag that pulls in every Hermit in Newtopia at the time, plus Anne, Marcy, the Plantars, Yunan & more than a few others is one incident that comes to mind.

Andrias is relieved when Grian's plans for whatever 'another Demise' or 'a new take on Life' might be are put on hold by him remembering the Hermits don't currently have lives to spare.

Thankfully for him, Andrias doesn't meet all 26 Hermits before True Colors. Given how chaotic the ones he has met are, though, that isn't saying much.

And then there's X.

Xisuma is a concern for Andrias as soon as they meet, but he's unable to tap into most of his admin powers nor ping the damaged Hermithius in far orbit. After meeting the suited man - he may be one of the Hermits with Anne when she arrives in Newtopia, but I haven't settled on that - keeping him depowered becomes a priority once its clear he's only the de facto leader of the Hermits by unanimous understanding & won't step in unless things get out of hand, but could absolutely shut down the Core's plans with admin access.

All X's attempts to track down Amphibia's 'admin' & work out a deal seem to fail, & it isn't til True Colors that he realises Andrias has been feeding him bad info.

By then its a bit late to do anything, though.

In the meantime, Andrias seems interested in X's anecdotes about Evil X. What could that be about...?

And yes. Joe Hills. Andrias' worst nightmare: The bard.

Because nothing's scarier than a man who can tear you a new one without lifting a finger.

(I have more ideas about Joe, but this is already too long & I'm tired. :P)

[raifenlf]

Why Loki’s Sylvie Is A Mary Sue

So I am firmly in the camp that Sylvie on the Loki series was/is a Mary Sue.  The last episode made me feel better and like maybe the show was doing a thing where they were faking you out that she was a Mary Sue only to show she was actually sort of a bad guy and I liked that.  But all the recent interviews make me think the show wants to go back to her being a Mary Sue.

But I feel like when I call her out for being a Mary Sue people tell me what are you talking about, she’s not a Mary Sue, bad things happen to her, etc.  But that doesn’t actually make her not a Mary Sue.  

Also, before we start, I know some people find Mary Sue sexist.  But I personally use the term for guys and girls. I don’t use the term to belittle women.  I use the term to criticize a poorly written character.

And I know Mary Sue is often used to describe fanfic characters.  But to me, this series is kind of like a fanfic because the writers took a character who had been in canon MCU material for ten years and then created characters around that character.  So, I kind of review it like I would a fanfic.  It’s very different than if the writers had created a brand new show with all of their own new characters.

Anyway, if you are not totally familiar with the Mary Sue term, then check this out:

I know the term Mary Sue probably means different things to different people.  But I have always used these guidelines when I write my own fanfic to make sure my characters never come off as a Mary Sue.

This article really gives you a full scale of what a Mary Sue is.  If you start reading it, you’ll immediately see why Sylvie is.  But I’m going to take out the parts that most fit Sylvie just to highlight why I believe she is a Mary Sue.  I apologize for this being so long.

Mary Sue Character Traits

Personality

Erm... what personality? The typical Mary Sue doesn't have one per se, because she isn't meant to be a character; rather, she's an entity by which the author makes cool stuff happen.

I feel like that is Sylvie in a nutshell.  She doesn’t have a personality.  I feel like even though she ate screentime, I still don’t really know her at all.  The writers love to say she’s badass.  That’s not a personality.  

Sometimes when I am writing stories for fun and creating new characters, I like to take surveys as my fictional characters.  Like the kind of surveys you’d see in a magazine, like personality types, what’s your dating style, etc.  I figure if I don’t know what my character would do in any of those situations, then I need to keep working on my character.  And if I was trying to fill out a survey pretending I was Sylvie I would have no idea what to answer because she doesn’t have a personality.  She’s just “cool”.

What little personality a Mary Sue has isn't as important as how other characters react to it. No matter how shy or socially awkward Mary Sue is supposed to be, other characters will be inexplicably drawn to her

This is so Sylvie.  Loki falls in love with her...why, exactly?  He falls in love with her in the big Nexus event moment...why?  Because she had a tough childhood?  Mobius spends like two seconds with her in a car and goes from hating her to saying she’s his favorite Loki.  For. No. Particular. Reason.

She's extremely persuasive; everyone finds her opinions to be better than their own

She enchants Hunter B-15 and then immediately Hunter B-15 makes it her whole entire life mission to back Sylvie up.  

And occasionally she'll be a complete asshole...This can manifest itself in several ways...The author wants to write a badass but doesn't know how. This leads to a character who mistreats everyone around her and is never called out on her abrasive, casually abusive behavior.

Sylvie talked down to Loki and treated him like garbage for all of episode three, but it was never portrayed as a bad thing and we never got any impression Sylvie later felt bad for the way she treated Loki

The author doesn't know how to hold back the character, meaning that she will succeed at practically everything. This means that when she encounters rules or authority figures who would otherwise prevent her from doing what she wants to do, she rolls right through them (and they praise her for her "boldness" in defying regulations). If a bad guy is violent and aggressive, she can beat him by being more violent and aggressive (with all that entails). It's impossible for her to go overboard because she's protected by Protagonist-Centered Morality.

Sylvie is shown as a kid to immediately be able to grab a Tempad and run away.  And she can kick ass way better than Loki, for no known reason.  She is always able to fight back against the TVA when they attack her.  And she can kill lots of innocent TVA agents but it’s okay because TVA bad, Sylvie good.

Skills

She will always be superior to the canon characters, regardless of what canon has established they can do or whether it makes any sense.

Whose skill was needed to defeat Alioth?  Sylvie’s.  Of course.  Sylvie needed to teach Loki her skills in order for him to succeed (!).  And again, she is literally called the superior Loki.

Relatedly, there's no effort to her skills. She never actually trains or learns anything to become more powerful; she just wins the Super Power Lottery, or is a freakish natural learner, or is just Inexplicably Awesome

We’re told Sylvie literally taught herself magic.  She literally taught herself to enchant people.  That. Makes. No. Sense.  Like, I have so many questions.  Like, why would it even occur to her to teach herself that?  And how????????????  This is really lazy writing.

Canon Character Relationships

Mary Sue is often designed to hook up with another character, often as a form of Wish Fulfillment. This isn't that bad in and of itself (okay, it is kinda weird), but Mary Sue accomplishes this without any sense of realism. She just grabs her lover's attention straight away, and their relationship will never face any obstacles or tension; it's true love from the start and nothing else. The biggest giveaway is if the love interest is explicitly the author's favorite character, and she essentially "cures" him of all the angst that ails him (at the expense of his characterization).

Yeah, so...this one should be pretty obvious to anyone who watched the show.  Loki literally falls in love with Sylvie immediately, and then he suddenly turns from “villain” to “hero” just because of loving her.  And this was definitely at the expense of his characterization.  And Loki just knows he falls in love with her.  There’s not even any moments of hmm what do I feel for this person?  It’s just true love, immediately.

She will be related to a canon character in some way. This (marginally) helps explain such phenomena as her being a Copy Cat Sue and other characters accepting her so easily.

Sylvie is a Loki variant.  They use this to help explain why Loki is drawn to her and why their falling in love immediately “makes sense”.

Most characters give her more heed than they normally would. The good guys never stop praising her

Seriously, it was so over the top and OOC for Loki to gush over her.  He literally tells her she’s amazing.  They don’t even make it subtle.

Characters' previously established personalities change in reaction to her. Proud, arrogant gimps suddenly acknowledge her superiority in everything. Reckless youths will listen to all her advice. Responsible leaders will defer to her instead. Villains will obsess with her to the detriment of all else. Extremely competent characters will become stumbling buffoons who require her help to do anything. Sweet, mild-mannered characters whom the author doesn't like turn evil and insult her. They all become unnaturally focused on her in some way.

Again, Loki’s whole personality changed in reaction to her.  He became a buffoon who needed her help to enchant the Alioth because of course he couldn’t do anything without her!  Hunter B-15 goes from doing whatever the TVA said to fighting the TVA just because of Sylvie.

Story Elements

Mary Sue is without exception a single-person Spotlight-Stealing Squad. The entire story hinges on her existence; if you removed her, there would be no story. 

Sylvie undoubtedly drove the whole story this season.  It all became about HER meeting the TVA heads because of HER trauma.  Loki’s life was only saved at the beginning because the TVA was trying to capture HER.  And SHE was the one who started the whole multiverse (!).

Mary Sue is The Chosen One, even if the setting already has one. There are many ways she can accomplish this: she can be a Sailor Earth type who "shares" the position with the canon hero; she may be vaguely "destined to help the destined one fulfill their destiny" (i.e. do all the work except the final blow so that the prophecy is still technically correct); or the canon hero may be revealed to be a Fake Ultimate Hero all along. Being the Chosen One doesn't necessarily involve her being a God-Mode Sue, especially as authors become aware of the phenomenon and try to avoid it, but it does make her critically important to the world and allows her to continue stealing the spotlight without the "god mode" label.

HWR wanted Sylvie to come with Loki in the end, like she was chosen all along right alongside Loki.  Like one of the most important characters in the entire MCU is now this character who we only met a few episodes ago.

Most Sues have an unusually Dark and Troubled Past. It's often used to create a Sympathetic Sue, but any type of Sue can have one

They tell us, over and over, how hard Sylvie’s life was because she was kidnapped by the TVA in order to create sympathy for her.

She almost never does anything wrong. In the rare instance that she does, it's usually; (a) a way for the author to disclaim her being a Mary Sue by introducing a single imperfection (that has no bearing on anything anyway), and (b) designed to show her smarts by making her feel instant remorse, and she'll be Easily Forgiven anyway:

So this one hopefully will not come true, as a lot can change between now and when the show is taped. But if the show goes on the way the behind the scenes team is talking, Sylvie immediately felt remorse for betraying Loki, and Loki has already forgiven her and is desperately looking for her.  Ugh.

Alternatively, she is more than capable of doing something wrong, be it in general moral terms or something that goes against whatever code she abides by, and she maybe even frequently does so, but don't expect the other characters or the narrative to ever acknowledge or comment on it in any real capacity. If the other characters do call her out, expect them to be treated like they're the problem for daring to criticize her at all.

Mobius calls her out for killing people, but Sylvie immediately says he’s a bad person and then Mobius agrees, because, of course.

She will often suffer from Special Snowflake Syndrome; i.e., she has a trait or backstory that sets her apart from her group or race.

She is the only female Loki, thus making her the special one among all the Lokis in episode five.

Presentation

In visual media, the camera just can't stop staring at her.

The camera would follow her in fight scenes rather than Loki.

Mary Sue Tropes

Okay, so there are specific Mary Sue tropes that Sylvie is.  One of those is Copy Cat Sue, which I think was referenced before.

Copy Cat Sue

A lot of fanfic writers...start to write something because of their passion for this character, but they find something about the character that doesn't mesh well. Maybe they're the wrong gender or are otherwise not close enough to the author's expectations...In any case, rather than put them through the Possession Sue process, they just get a Clone-O-Matic™ and out pops a Copy Cat Sue...the character might be intended as a replacement for the canon character, but without whatever icky traits the author hates. They'll then rob the spotlight, prove the canon character to be unworthy of his/her position, and either relegate the character to obsolescence or, perhaps, even remove them entirely.

Sylvie is basically a clone of Loki, she is a variant.  But she absolutely robbed the spotlight of Loki’s, and they literally call her the superior Loki.  I mean, they are literally not even being subtle about this.  And there was a feeling by myself (and a lot of other viewers) that Sylvie might ultimately replace Loki in the MCU. 

Black Hole Sue

Much like a black hole, this is a Mary Sue who "sucks in" the plot and characters to her. Characters will behave outside their personalities, logic will be defied, and rules will be broken for her sake.

Sylvie really does suck up all the plot and Loki definitely behaves outside of his personality just to fit the Sylvie show.

Jerk Sue

A Mary Sue who is mean or maybe even cruel, but are still treated as an ideal person.

Once again, Sylvie is basically a jerk all of episode three, but you’ve got Loki falling over himself to call her amazing in just the next episode.

Relationship Sue

A Mary Sue who exists to be the perfect mate for a specific character...this character has everything in the plot conspiring to enforce this One True Pairing...in Fanfiction, they are the perfect beloved of a canon character.

They literally have Mobius speculate that Loki falling in love with Sylvie is so extraordinary that it causes an entire Nexus event, that’s how huge this One True Pairing is (!).  And Sylvie is the love interest of Loki, the only character who had been around before the beginning of the series

TLDR: Sylvie has all the tropes of a classic Mary Sue character.  So calling Sylvie a Mary Sue isn’t being sexist or just randomly hating on the character.  If you use common Mary Sue characteristics to examine the character, she just has too many of these characteristics to ignore.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Bonus Scene Two (Gwynriel)

Masterlist

a/n: this picks up right after nesta leaves gwyn’s apartment in Part 24. warning for discussions of sex, obviously.

***

As soon as the apartment door shuts after Nesta, Gwyn releases a breath and turns to Azriel with a wide gaze. “Do I really have to teach you guitar?” she says.

“Of course not.” He rolls his eyes. It was a throwaway line meant to get Nesta off his back, and even she didn’t entirely believe it. He moves toward the kitchen to get a glass of water, still shaken from Nesta storming into Gwyn’s bedroom like that. Not that she interrupted much. Gwyn still has a long way to go before she can handle anyone touching her between her legs, Azriel thinks.

He never asked Gwyn what a twenty-seven year old woman was so afraid of sex for when she first suggested her proposal to him. She looked so scared that he would question her that he couldn’t bring himself to poke even a little bit. Not that he needs to poke. He’s not a fucking idiot, and Gwyn’s thighs had been trembling in involuntary fear under his hands earlier. She’s been hurt.

For her sake, he pretends to remain ignorant and incurious, but right now his grip on the glass in his hand is so tight it might shatter. His face remains cool as he pours himself water.

“Why didn’t you tell her the truth?” Gwyn hops up onto the kitchen counter and swings her freakishly long legs. “About what you get out of our deal?”

“I don’t expect you to teach me sex for free, obviously,” Gwyn blabbered the day after they got back from the ski lodge. “You can ask for something from me, too. Even money, if that’s your thing.”

Prostitution was not Azriel’s thing, though he wouldn’t knock it. The truth was that his brain had started turning as soon as Gwyn told him about her idea, and now it couldn’t stop. Oddly enough, this opportunity was perfect.

“Tell Nesta that I’m using you as a rebound?” Azriel nearly snorts on his water. “Did you miss the part where she almost cut my dick off and choked me with it?”

Gwyn hums noncommittally. “Being a distraction from your ex is better for me than it is for you. It’s insurance that you won’t get any funny ideas.” She narrows her teal eyes at him. “If you find yourself moving on from Nesta’s hot sister, you better tell me right away. I’ll end this whole thing quickly and cleanly.”

“Why?” He thought moving on from Elain was the goal, one he was unlikely to achieve.

“You know.” She crosses her arms in an X over her chest like she’s warding him off. “You might catch—feelings for me.”

This time Azriel really does snort on his water, hard. His laughter turns into coughing when it slips down the wrong pipe, and liquid dribbles onto his shirt. Gwyn just sits there and stares at him in vague disgust.

When he’s done choking, he wipes his mouth with the hem of his tee and gasps, “Even without Elain, you wouldn’t need to worry about that. Trust me.”

Gwyn wrinkles her freckled nose in distaste. “I would be offended if I wasn’t so relieved.”

He’s still chuckling when Gwyn says cautiously, “By the way…” She chews on the inside of her cheek. “Did you really ghost Elain?”

Azriel is no longer amused.

“When you said you broke up with her, I thought you actually broke up with her,” Gwyn continues. “I didn’t know you were one of those guys.”

Shame tinged with embarrassment floods Azriel, and he doesn’t have the slightest idea why. Why does it matter what Gwyn of all people thinks of him, especially when she doesn’t have all the details?

He thought he was making things easier for Elain by leaving without a word. He thought she would let him slip out of her mind after a couple of weeks just like he slipped out of her life, and that it would be better than having to hear him dump his insecurities on her.

He knows now that he was only making things easier for himself. Knows that if he had stayed and talked things out with Elain, she would have convinced him to stay. If he had called her at all in the past two months, he would have gone running back to Velaris like a sailor answering a siren’s song.

She’s always been a siren—which is why he can’t regret doing what would have happened eventually anyway. Even without that Vanserra bastard or some other man, Elain could never have been a permanent fixture in Azriel’s life. Little details sprinkled throughout their time together confirm that for him now.

That doesn’t mean Elain deserved it, or deserves it now. Azriel knows that.

But all he can think of to say to Gwyn is, “Yeah, maybe I am one of those guys.” He puts his glass in the sink. “You still want me as your teacher?”

Gwyn shrugs, looking away. “It’s not like I’ve got any other choice.”

Azriel would disagree. He says what he’s been thinking since they got back from Cassian’s birthday trip. “Wouldn’t you rather do this with someone you love and trust?”

“God no,” Gwyn snorts, providing no further explanation.

Azriel can understand being hesitant to admit sexual inexperience to a crush, but it doesn’t stop him from judging Gwyn’s new man. If this coworker of hers is so great, wouldn’t she be able to trust him unabashedly with her insecurities? Wouldn’t he readily accept her for all that she is?

Ugh, he’s been dipping into Nesta’s reading collection too much lately. “Alright, then.” He leans against the counter opposite Gwyn. “Let’s talk about learning. You clammed up in bed back there after ignoring my suggestions and shoving my head between your legs.”

“I clammed up because of my best friend barging into my room and catching us together,” Gwyn defends.

“Your pussy was dry as bread before that,” he retorts. Ooh, now he wants toast.

Gwyn turns a furious shade of red while Azriel starts looking around for bread. He finds it sitting by the toaster. “Can you not say that?” she hisses at him.

“What?” He looks up from dropping bread into the toaster.

“You know…” She glances around cautiously as if someone might overhear. “Pussy.”

“Pussy,” he says again, just to be annoying. Gwyn’s shoulders turn inward in embarrassment, and he has to hold back a grin. Yeah, she’s definitely not ready for oral.

He finds a butter knife and some peanut butter. “I told you to start easy and you ignored me. You tried jumping into the deep end without learning how to tread water.”

Gwyn scoffs. “And what does ‘treading water’ entail again?”

Azriel shrugs, plucking up his finished toast. “Making out, heavy petting, freshman-year-of-high-school kind of stuff.”

“I’ve done that before,” she mutters indignantly. “Maybe not in my freshman year, but I’ve done it.”

He wonders how long ago that was, or if it was before she was—hurt.

“Besides,” Gwyn goes on before he can push the matter further, “I’m not budging on kissing. I want to save that for the man I actually like.”

“You don’t like me?” Azriel raises a brow, slathering peanut butter over his toast. “You definitely don’t act the same with me as you do with other men.” Or at least that’s what he assumes. Up until a short while ago, he never would’ve been able to imagine timid Gwyn having the guts to ask anyone for sex ed. That’s got to make him special, right?

But then Gwyn waves him off and says, “That’s ‘cause you’re not a real man. I knew you before puberty.”

Azriel nearly drops his toast. “Wow, the nerve of this woman,” he mutters with wide eyes. If she keeps this up, he’s going to start regretting ever going to the same school as her. “That’s not what you said when you were going on about how attracted you are to me.”

“I said you were attractive, not that I was attracted.” Gwyn’s blush is more from irritation than shyness now. “You do the job, but you’re no Max.” She giggles at saying his name. Actually giggles. “I’ll only kiss Max.”

“What kind of stupid ass name is Max?” Azriel grumbles through a mouthful of peanut butter.

“It’s short for Maximillian.”

He chokes. “Jesus, that’s even worse.” He’s doing all this work for some guy named Maximillian. Maybe he should just go home and let Nesta give him the beating he deserves.

Except thinking about Nesta only reminds Azriel of what a coward he is, because he fears facing her again almost as much as he fears facing Elain. “By the way, could I…” he starts hesitantly.

Gwyn gives him a judgmental sneer. “You don’t want to go back to the cabin, do you?”

He shakes his head.

“You can’t stay here,” she responds, crushing his hopes. “I have plans tonight, but even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t let you be such a wimp.” She hops off the counter and comes over to him, surprising him by grabbing both of his shoulders. “Azriel,” she says somberly.

He swallows his toast roughly.

“You have to grow some balls,” she continues. “Not just for your sake, but for the sake of every poor woman in your life. Also, all this drama is personally a turn-off for me, which is detrimental to my sex education.” She wrinkles her nose. “Do better and all that, you know?”

Damn, okay.

Instead of standing there like an idiot, Azriel manages to say, “Fine, I’ll go.” He shoves the rest of his toast into his mouth and dusts off his hands, heading for the living room.

“Wait, you don’t have to leave right now—” Gwyn follows after him. Azriel is already on the couch, pulling a stray notepad and pen on the coffee table closer to himself.

He clicks the pen. “When’s that library guy planning to take you out?” he asks, starting to write.

Gwyn hovers near him, watching the notepad over his shoulder in confusion. “Um, this Saturday. Just a casual coffee shop thing.”

“Then I’ll see you on Friday.” He scribbles down some bullet points and labels the page LESSON PLAN. “Until then, think about a way to enjoy foreplay without kissing. Here are some suggestions so you can practice.” He tears the lined paper out of the notepad and hands it to Gwyn.

Her eyes skim over the page, brows rising with each point she reads. “Is all this really necessary?”

Azriel remembers how he barely brushed his lips against Gwyn’s core before having to pull away and kiss her quivering thigh instead. He can’t have sex with an unaroused woman, and he definitely can’t do it with a terrified woman. “Foreplay is absolutely necessary,” he says, getting up from the couch and stretching to his full height. Where Elain used to only reach his chest, Gwyn’s head almost reaches his nose. It amuses him for some reason.

“Do you like movies?” he adds. “I’ll take you to the movies on Friday.” Preferably something boring and played out, so the theater will be empty and she won’t be paying attention.

Gwyn’s eyes widen. “Is going on dates also part of foreplay?”

“It can be,” Azriel shrugs. It will be when he does it. He drops a hand onto Gwyn’s head and ruffles her hair. “I’d love to stay and help you study, but I have to go and grow some balls.” He mock-frowns at her as he heads for his shoes and keys. “See you later, Gwyneth.”

***

a/n: wait why do i wanna write the movie theater scene now… pls help me im just trying to finish this damn fic im getting too old for this

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook a favor: @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea @teagoddess99

[duino]

“WAITING FOR THE SAME TRAIN, PART TWO” Read Part One Here. Pairing: Atsumu x Fem!Reader

Rating/Warnings: 18+ because I can’t promise it’ll stay wholesome for the whole series

Word Count: 7.2k

Summary: New girl, new city, new life. You’re just trying to get it together, build something real for yourself while you navigate the loneliness and heartbreak of leaving your small-town home behind. Then Atsumu walks into your life and the road diverges. How can it not? You both change something in the other. Whether it’s good or bad remains to be seen.

Note: Not-quite-enemies to lovers. Slower burn; a simmer, if you will. Multi-chaptered (I wish I could tell you how many, but alas). FINALLY. AN UPDATE. I love you all and I'm sorry this took so long (life, life, life, etc.)

Atsumu doesn’t consider himself a complicated man. He has his routines (usually tied to his training schedule and game calendar). He has the people that he loves (and love him in return, despite it all and because of it all). And he has his simple desire, the same desire he’s had for almost all his life: to play his sport and play it well. Wherever that desire leads him he follows, to his own detriments and successes. The detriments have usually –regretfully—been broken hearts.

But he has always been honest about the sacrifices he has to make, to himself and to others.

(He would never admit his secret, lonely nights). This is how it is, sometimes, when a passion has chosen you. Of all the things he’s been called in his life, distracted isn’t one of them.

So it disturbs him that he’s distracted now.

He fumbles his set, volleyball bouncing crooked off his fingers. It’s too far from the net, he knows this even before the ball leaves his hands, and Hinata has to shift his entire approach just to get it over to the other side. It grazes the top of the net, killing momentum. Sakusa, on the other side, doesn’t even bother diving for it, opting instead to give his teammate a look of faint concern. The ball bounces and rolls without ceremony. Atsumu scrubs a hand over his face, cursing.

“Shit! Sorry, Hinata.”

Hinata, with all his perpetual enthusiasm, slaps Atsumu on the back. “We’ll get the next one, Atsumu-san!”

The best Atsumu can offer is a half-hearted smile. He can feel frustration and impatience start to needle him; he has always been a sore loser, bad at doing badly.

Sakusa approaches them from the other side of the net, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his track shorts. “Maybe you should take a break,” he says. “This is the fifth set you’ve missed.” It’s said with care, but Atsumu bristles anyway. He’s been quicker to irritate lately, full of restless nights and strange dreams.

“I don’t need a break,” he snips. Sakusa remains expressionless, save for the slightest raise of his brows. Him and Hinata share a look. Atsumu crosses his arms childishly. “I don’t!” He insists, and then winces at how pouty he sounds.

Their captain, Meian, looks over from the benches where he had been wrapping his fingers. All he does is place a hand on his hip and Atsumu slouches, dragging his feet towards the edge of the court with a sigh. He pretends not to hear Sakusa huff with amusement from behind him as his teammates pick up their practice again.

Meian hands Atsumu a water bottle when he reaches him. He takes it glumly.

“Where’s your head at, Miya?” The captain asks, gesturing towards the bench for him to sit. Atsumu hesitates but Meian repeats his gesture, firmer this time. Gingerly, Atsumu slumps himself down.

“Are you benchin’ me from practice?” He asks. Meian rolls his eyes and sits next to him, handing the blond a towel.

“No, so don’t start getting dramatic on me.”

“I wouldn’t—”

Meian holds up a hand and Atsumu falls silent immediately. “I just want to know what’s been going on.”

Atsumu shifts in his seat, trying to fight the feeling of childish defiance. It’s a bad habit of his, one that’s gotten him in trouble all his life. He’ll be damned if it means he loses play time now. “Nothin’.”

“Atsumu,” Meian begins, letting out a careful breath. “You’ve been off the last three practices. Which is fine,” he says quickly, before Atsumu can argue. “We all know you’re a great player. Just…if you need a day or two to sort something out, better tell coach now rather than later. We’ve only got a couple practice matches left before prelims.”

Atsumu hates feeling chastised. He runs a hand through his damp, clinging hair. “I know, I know.” He gives Meian a steady look. “I’ll double down. I’ll work harder.”

“That’s not—” Meian breaks off with a breathy laugh. “Miya, that’s not what I’m saying.”

Astumu clenches his teeth. The idea of missing even a day of practice seemed impossible. “I’ll come earlier, if I have to.”

The other man frowns, regarding him. “You’ve been on edge, lately.” His voice is careful. “You know, sometimes the solution isn’t to push yourself more.”

Atsumu doesn’t protest this, he knows he can’t argue here, but he does slouch in his seat. Meian gives him a look somewhere between kind and annoyed. It reminds him of his brother. “You really do have a one-track mind, don’t you?” Meian places a warm hand on his shoulder and squeezes. “Take care of yourself, Atsumu.”

“I am." Atsumu feels like a teenager again, being told to put a coat on before hopping into the snow. He’s embarrassed and indignant all at once. “I’ve been joggin’ every mornin’, I’ve been stretchin’, been followin’ those fucking meal plans…” He trails off, seeing Meian shake his head slightly. The hand that’s still on his shoulder squeezes again.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” the captain starts, taking a long drink from his bottle. “But Atsumu,” he levels his gaze, determined to make the blond understand. “It doesn’t all have to be for volleyball.”

Atsumu blinks, stubborn. His leg starts bouncing, itching to get back on the court, to prove himself. “I don’t understand.”

Meian smiles like he expected that and stands up, stretching his arms over his head. “You will,” he says, rolling his ankles and wrists, shaking his shoulders out. “And you’ll be better for it. Trust me.”

____

Atsumu leaves the evening practice early, and in a sour mood. He had spent the rest of the time overthinking his every move, trying to be better, trying to focus harder. Meian’s words had bounced around in his head, they had affected him more than he cared to admit. All he had heard was “You’ve been fumbling these last three practices” and all of a sudden he needed to do more, more, more. It had worked against him.

In the cool evening air, showered and changed, Atsumu realizes that maybe he does have a one-track mind. It had just never been a bad thing before, not with volleyball anyway.

He remembers his last girlfriend, what she had said to him when she had been ending it. You don’t see anything outside of yourself and this game. She hadn’t said it to be cruel, she was not a cruel woman, but it had been honest. Which was worse, of course. It was years ago, Atsumu almost never thinks about her. But he does think about those words, whenever he’s mulling or feeling particularly piteous of himself.

He’s thinking about those words now, and Meian’s words; different and the same. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to make of them.

The walk home is long, but Atsumu needs it. Body tired, mind restless, he tries to direct his thoughts away from his poor performance in practice and towards something productive. Some new strategy, or play.

It takes all of two minutes before, in his mind’s newfound pattern, he starts to think about you.

Which is the problem, here.

All those missteps, sloppy sets, wrong calls. He was distracted. You were distracting him, and he doesn’t even know why. He doesn’t know you, not really; he can’t read you for the life of him. Atsumu used to spend most of his time outside of practice thinking about the next practice, and now he’s spending his time in practice thinking about you. He’s almost annoyed at you for it. It has been like this since that first day. You, this near stranger. Him, this thrumming in his chest, this invisible energy that propels and attracts in equal measure.

He wants to make you laugh, wants to make you scowl. He wants your playful anger, to see you flushed with it. He wants you to snap back at him, keep him alert, keep him on dangerous ground. He wants, he wants. For what? To what end? Atsumu doesn’t know. Perhaps he doesn’t have a one-track mind, after all.

But this line of thinking is only going to make him more restless, bring more sleepless nights. He has to shake it. He can’t let flights of fancy distract him from his goal, his one goal. It did today, and it has been for the past few practices, and he’ll be damned if it means letting the rest of his team down during the upcoming matches. He picks up the pace of his step, determined, slinging his gym bag higher up his shoulder.

And yet. Atsumu glances at the cracked screen of his phone for the time. Onigiri Miya is still open. He doesn’t know if you’re working or not, but he still has to eat, right? It’s his brother’s business, anyway. He’s been going there far longer than you’ve been working there. And it’s on his way home! It doesn’t have to have anything to do with you.

Which is what he keeps telling himself, over and over again. He really does almost believe it.

____

Atsumu hears your voice before he sees you: he doesn’t recognize your tone. To be fair, he doesn’t know you well enough to have a catalogue of all your subtleties. He knows when you’re biting, when you’re teasing, when you reluctantly smile…But he doesn’t know your softness and softly is how you’re speaking now. You’re on the phone, and he’s paused around the shadowed corner, just outside Onigiri Miya.

“I just got off…Yeah…I—I feel the same, but...” You’re hushed and some words Atsumu can’t make out, though he cranes his ear to listen. He isn’t entirely sure why he’s lingering here. He should be giving you your privacy. It feels like a private conversation and It’s the decent thing to do. He wants to be decent.

But this is a secret facet of you and Atsumu is curious despite himself. It’s a new kind of curiosity, one he’s not used to. He’s pursued women, wanted them, loved them, but he’s never felt…well…what does he feel?

He doesn’t have the word for it, but laughter is always threatening at the edges of him, when he's with you. So, curious. He’s curious.

“We talked about this already,” you murmur, and there’s tenseness, maybe anger. But then you sigh, listening to whoever it is on the other end, and it’s so mournful it makes him stiffen.

“Tenchi,” you say –you whisper, you breathe. Everything he needs to know about the other person is in the way you say that name. It’s wistful, or remembering, or regretful. All three. It’s laden with history. It makes his hands grip awkwardly with the intimacy of it.

A dull pang rings through him and Atsumu has to move. He shouldn’t be listening to this. He really shouldn’t be invested in you at all, loitering around the corner. This is your own internal world that he has no party to. Tenchi. The name is a bitterness and it shouldn’t be. He shouldn’t feel bitter about it. He should turn the corner, give you a brief nod, grab dinner, and then focus on not fucking up practice. He shoves his hands into his pockets and shoves the bitterness back down his throat.

It’s the decent thing to do.

So he pushes off the wall, ducking his head slightly, and turns.

Your phone drops to the pavement as you collide into him. For a moment, it’s a mess of limbs and shaky footing as you try not to topple over. You instinctually grab onto the strap of his gym bag to steady yourself, which only pulls Atsumu towards you, making him stumble. His mind is quick though, and his legs balance themselves. He holds your shoulders, keeping you upright, huffing a surprised laugh.

“Woah,” Atsumu says. His voice is low, amused. He regains his balance and then loses it all over again when you peer up at him with your blinking surprise. He swallows. His brows lift. “Careful.”

You hand is still gripping the strap of his bag. He watches several emotions pass over your face –shock, apology, confusion. And then jumping realization that it’s his bag you’re holding onto. You retract your hand with a snap. “What are you—” you break off when you see your phone face down on the sidewalk, a couple feet away. “Oh, shit,” you sigh, “my phone.”

Atsumu’s hands fall from your shoulders as you bend to pick it up. He can still feel the creases of your top pressed into the fate lines of his palm. He flexes his hand, dispelling the shape of you from them.

You grab your phone with animated trepidation before glancing at the screen and smiling in relief. “See?” You say triumphantly, tilting it toward him. “This is why you get a nice case. No cracks.” You’re sardonic and teasing. There’s no trace of that delicate emotion from just moment before. Atsumu doesn’t know if he’s relieved or disappointed.

He matches your tone carefully. “I think if you’d just watch where you’re goin’, you’d just never drop it.”

You scoff, you smile, you fall into the playful petulance you always have with him. He thinks of the way you said that name. Tenchi. It could have belonged to a different woman altogether. “I need to watch where I’m going?”

He crosses his arms and then you cross your own to mimic him. He snorts a laugh. “I’m not the one on my phone bein’ distracted.” Except he is. He is very much distracted. His gaze casts over your face and ruffled hair. There’s a strand over your eye that he imagines pushing back –the image of that is so sudden and gentle it jolts him. This is the opposite of what he’s supposed to be thinking about. Disconcerted, Atsumu looks way from you.

You don’t notice, or if you do, you say nothing that would give it away. “Whatever, Miya,” he can hear the smirk in your voice. “Have a good night.” You start to move past him.

“Hey,” he says, before he can stop himself, “that was almost polite.”

You pause on the street, turning back to him. Your phone starts to ring in your hand, but you slip it into your pocket, ignoring it. He grins when you speak. “You must be wearing me down.”

He laughs. “Finally,” he says, with feeling. And then, unable to help himself, he blurts out, “Am I really?” Which is stupid and just inviting a snarky remark. He doesn’t know why he said it.

And you’re about to say no, he can see it all over your face. You want to be flippant, brush him off. It seems to be nature to run these circles with him. But you don’t. You surprise him. Your phone starts ringing again and you reach to click it on silent. Half in shadows, your eyes are dark as a moonless night. “We’ll see,” you say lightly, turning again. You zip your jacket up against the cold and throw a wave over your shoulders.

Atsumu grins to himself, shaking his head slightly, and turns the corner to Onigiri Miya.

Which is a shame, really, because he misses you turning back, just once, just enough to see the darkened shape of him disappear.

____

You’ve been telling yourself things are finished with Tenchi for the past week –ever since that night, his voice on the other end of your phone. It’s become your mantra, your daily affirmation: things are over, things are over, things are over. It protects you in some way, or at least so you’re hoping.

It doesn’t stop you from picking up every time he calls, though.

And it definitely doesn’t stop Aki from filling in the role as disappointed, older friend.

It’s another morning shift and you walk into Onigiri Miya only to be met with Aki’s crossed arms. “We need to talk.”

You press your lips together, but a smile breaks through. “You’re so dramatic,” you say.

She refuses to relent. “Uta told me that you told him that you were talking to your ex again.” She’s so stern and serious you actually feel a prickle of reprimand.

Deciding to play coy, you move past her to the back, hanging your coat and bag up. Osamu’s already in to prep, early as ever. You give him an exasperated look as Aki follows you and he chuckles lightly to himself as he wipes down all his counters.

“Tell me you are not thinking of getting back together with him,” she pleads as you tie your black apron on.

“Uta is such a gossip,” you murmur. “And I thought you were bad, Aki.”

Osamu snorts, shaking his head. “They’re both the worst, believe me.”

Aki grins cheshire-wide, like her boss had just paid her a compliment. “You’re absolutely right. I am the worst. You know who else is the worst?” She raises her brows but you refuse to bite. This doesn’t slow Aki down. “Your ex. Your ex is the worst.”

Your smile falters as strange defensiveness fills you. “He’s not the worst. We’re…on friendly terms.”

“We have not spent every morning these past few weeks talking about how he did you wrong for you to turn around and say he’s not the worst.”

You’re battling between indignation and being deeply flattered she cares enough in the first place to banter with you about it. You glance at Osamu, begging with your eyes for him to save you from this conversation, but he holds up his hands as if to say I’m not getting involved. You turn back to Aki, who’s looking at you expectantly. There’s only one way to redirect this conversation. “I don’t want to talk about my ex. You know what I want to talk about?”

“Atsumu?”

The name flusters you immediately. “What? No.” You try to hide your reaction from the two of them, but the damage has been done. Aki’s grin, if possible, is even wider than before –the devil’s own glint in her eyes. Osamu has almost no expression at all, which is full of meaning in itself. You don’t know if you’re more disconcerted by their responses to you or the fact that a name, one name, is all it takes to fill you with electricity. If your hair could stand on end, it would. You grit your teeth, annoyed at yourself, at them, at Atsumu. Then, you take a careful breath. “What I want to talk about,” you start primly. “Is your art show coming up this weekend, Aki.”

That does the trick. Aki stutters, a rare blush colouring her face. Osamu shoots her a wide-eyed look. You cross your arms triumphantly.

“You have ‘n art show?” Osamu asks. He sounds so surprised and impressed, Aki starts blushing further. “I had no idea.”

“Uta told me,” you explain when she turns her saucer-wide eyes to you.

Aki groans. “He is the worst.”

“Aki,” you say, grabbing onto her nervous arm. “You weren’t going to tell us? This is huge! I didn’t even know you were painting professionally! The way you talk about it makes it seem like a little hobby.”

She waves a hand dismissively. You’ve never seen Aki so nervous. “I’m not a professional. It’s just some dumb showcase with my other classmates…”

“It’s not dumb,” Osamu says. “We’re goin’, of course.” He looks at you and you nod resolutely.

Aki’s waving her hand flippantly again. You’re incredulous at how timid your coworker is being. If she could shed out of her skin, she would. “No, no, no. You guys don’t have to. It’s small and we’re just students and—”

“Aki,” you say. She’s gone skittish under your hand, and you make your voice soothing as possible, squeezing her shoulder. “We want to.”

She falters, shy. “You do?”

“Duh,” you say, and then you take one from Atusmu’s book and tap the edge of her ballcap, making her crinkle her nose.

Osamu comes to her other side, clasping down securely onto her free shoulder. “’Course, Aki. What’re friends for?”

She looks between the both of you, absorbing your encouraging smiles, and hesitantly, her own smile unfurls. She eases under your touches and reaches up to place her hands over both of yours on her shoulders. “Okay,” she says, offering a small smile in return. “Be there at seven sharp if you want the good champagne and finger food.” And then, returning to herself a little, she reaches up and taps the rim of your hat in return. “And don’t think you’re escaping the ex talk that easily.”

You try to scowl, but fondness fills you regardless. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

____

It seems you can’t escape talking about Tenchi anywhere you go. Chiyo is decidedly less opinionated than Aki over the phone, but you know her well enough to know she’s holding back. “Okay, say it,” you sigh when you hear your best friend make another noncommittal hum.

Her voice is wistful, dramatically forlorn. “There’s nothing to say. You’re a big girl, allowed to make her own mistakes.”

“Chiyo—”

“I’m kidding!” She chuckles on the other end. “You know I like Tenchi. Do I think he deserves you? Obviously not. But he’s not a bad guy. I just…”

“What?”

She lets out a breath that crackles over your receiver. “I just feel like you left here, you know? You left to become someone bigger than who you were. And you’re doing that—”

“Barely.”

“You are.” Fierceness enters her voice. “You’re doing it and I think…” You hear Chiyo struggle for the words. “I think, in a lot of ways, revisiting things with Tenchi would hold you back.”

A swell of emotions wash over you. Indignation, a brief flash of anger, guilt. “I’m not revisiting anything.”

“You certainly aren’t letting him go, either.” The words are gently said, but you can sense the firmness behind them. You set your jaw. Unexpected emotion fills you and you curse yourself for it.

“It’s not that easy, Chiyo.” Your hands are shoved into your sweater pocket, fisting the fabric of it.

“Well, you aren’t making it easier.”

A sound that’s half laughter, half tears leaves you. “He’s my first love. Nothing would make this easier.”

This stops Chiyo. She is silent for a beat before she lets out a regretful sigh. When she speaks you know she’s trying to be tactful. “But do you love him because you think there’s a future? Or are you hanging on because you’re scared, and he reminds you of the past?”

____

Later, your phone buzzes. It’s a text from Tenchi.

I miss you.

Your heart leaps into your throat and you’re not sure if it’s excitement or anxiousness. You’re barely able to finish reading it when another one comes in.

Can I call? I feel like we still have to talk about things

You don’t know what to say. You type out a sure, and then erase it. Your thumb lingers over the call button. You click your phone off. You reread the texts. You think about Chiyo, about the day you left your small town, one foot on the platform, one foot on the train.

Sometimes you think you’re still there. Sometimes you think you never lifted the other foot off.

You text back,

I don’t think this is the kind of thing we talk about over the phone

And then you put your phone on silent. It buzzes, but you don’t have the heart to read it.

____

No foxes that night in your dreams. Instead, you’re five again, clutching at your mother’s apron, clutching, clutching, begging her to stay. You can’t see her face, but you know her laughter. You also know she’s leaving and you don’t know why. Maybe you’re the one leaving. Someone is always leaving. You pull harder, and suddenly it’s Chiyo and she’s prying your fingers. You desperately fight against it, but you can’t feel your hands. They’re cold, cold as sleet. The apron is slipping, slipping, it slips.

You wake up in a tangle of your sheets.

____

The rain comes slow and then all at once. You’re halfway to Aki’s art show, without an umbrella, in uncomfortable new shoes, when the first few drops tap across your face. You try to pay the grey skies no mind.

A block later, you’re trying not to get soaked, standing under a storefront awning and cursing your luck and footwear. You’re too far from home to go back and just far enough from the gallery to know you aren’t getting out of this dry. You sigh, leaning against the cool concreate wall, and shoot Aki a text saying you’d be late.

You weigh your options: you could run to the next block and use the metro, but the very thought of trying to detangle the subway system so that you don’t get lost fills you with anxious needles. With your job and home and school all within walking and bus distance, it’s one of the few things you have yet to conquer in the city.

You could buy an umbrella, but the idea of trudging through sloshing rain in open-toed heels seems like a terrible start to the night.

So, the best you can do is wait for a lit cab to drive by. You sigh again, scrolling blindly through your phone, thinking about all the nights out back home. You knew every street like the veins on your wrist. Back home. The phrase seems distant now, more distant with every day.

“Hey,” a voice calls. It couldn’t be…

You look up from your phone, eyes squinting through the downpour.

“Hey,” it calls again, and this time you see him –Atsumu, his whole head leaning out of a sleek, black car, waving at you. He grins at your confounded expression. “Ya headed to Aki’s show?”

You bundle up in your jacket tighter. “Uh, yeah,” you say. He’s done a terrible job pulling over to the side of the road and a car behind him honks as it passes him. “Or at least, until the rain ruined my plans.”

He tilts his head. “What, you were walkin’? Just take the metro.” But he sees your unamused expression, your shivering form, and takes delighted pity. “Or I could give you a ride,” he says, beaming.

“What’re you so smug for?” You call back, but another car honks as it approaches him and he looks at you with raised brows. You curse, abandoning your pride, and hold your bag over your head as you bolt towards his car. He leans and pushes the door open for you and you slump down into the leather seat with a huff.

“Thanks,” you say. “It’s so clean in here.”

Atsumu snorts, signaling and pulling back onto the road. “Don’t be so surprised.”

“I used to babysit, so my car back home was a mess.” You aren’t sure why you’re offering him any part of your personal life, except for the fact that’s it’s strange seeing him outside of Onigiri Miya, doing something so normal as driving. His hair is dripping from sticking it out of the window and he shoves it back impatiently. He could almost be a different person. You tear your eyes away from him.

“I keep it clean just in case any pretty girls need a ride in the rain.” His eyes are intent on the road, but he quirks a smile that’s meant for you. “Or, y’know, any disgruntled waitresses with a poorly planned outfit.”

“This is a great outfit, for you information.”

“Didn’t say it wasn’t.” He gives you a placating smile. “You look nice. Very fashion over function.”

“Gee, thanks.” You lean against the window, feeling the low hum of the engine, the tapping of the rain. You steal a glance at him, noting his dress pants and shirt. “Are you wearing a suit?”

“It’s Aki’s art show. ‘Course I’m wearing a suit.”

The earnestness in his voice disarms you. He looks at you when your silence drags on and, hesitantly, you offer him an earnest smile. That’s how it always is, between the two of you. Barb for barb, snark for snark, tit for tat. Smile for smile.

His car squeals to an abrupt stop, just barely making it for the red light. You gasp, hand on your chest, the other bracing on the door. You look at him, alarmed.

“Sorry,” he says, in a voice you don’t recognize.

“Holy shit, eyes on the road, Miya,” you say, but then laugh, breathless and awkward.

He purses his lips. “Tryin’,” he says.

You want to tell him to try harder, but there’s two splotches of red dotting his cheeks, and both his hands are gripping the steering wheel with renewed focus. You lean back into your seat. He’s flustered. The realization of this makes you fall silent. Atumu’s eyes are trained on the road, like he’s afraid to make another mistake.

It’s only as he’s pulling up to the gallery, running over to your side of the car to open the door for you, do you realize that he wasn’t teasing you or trying to get a rise out of you for once.

He was flirting with you.

____

There are a few different reactions when you and Atsumu enter the building together. Uta opens his mouth to say something and then thinks better of it, hiding a smile behind a champagne flute. Aki is perfectly stoic (which is, of course, more obvious of a reaction than if she had bounded across the squealing), but her eyes glint with the promise of a later conversation.

Osamu doesn’t seem surprised, not at all. He hands you both drinks, giving you a warm smile and his brother an expectant look that makes Atsumu stiffen on the spot.

You turn away from the twins. “Aki, you even look like an artist,” you say by way of greeting and distraction. It works. Your friend beams at the compliment, twirling around to let you see very angle of her outfit. It’s rare you ever see her out of her work clothes. She’s got on large, turquoise earring, a long dress of multi-coloured stripes. Beneath the hem, you see the toes of her yellow vinyl boots peaking out. She’s a walking paint pallet.

“You can hang your coat up over there, and my paintings take up that corner over there.” She gestures airily, and you smile, catching both her hands.

“I’m so proud of you, Aki,” you say.

She speaks through grinning teeth. You’ve never seen her smile so wide, and your heart widens with it. “I’m really glad you’re here, you know?”

You pull her into a hug, forgetting about the boy who drove you here and the boy sending you texts back home. You think of how you rarely have homesick nights now, and so much of that has been because of Aki. You squeeze her tighter and hear her laugh. “Me, too,” you say.

____

Aki had been right about coming early for the good champagne and food. An hour later and the gallery has filled up with students, teachers, family, friends. You feel a rush of pride every time you overhear a stranger complimenting one of Aki’s pieces.

Uta’s stolen an open bottle from behind the counter and the two of you share it until both your faces are flushed and snickering.

“What do you mean you haven’t gone on the metro yet?” He exclaims. You’re both trying to interpret the art piece in front of you as best as you can. “I think it’s two people having sex.”

You giggle. “It’s literally two blobs of colour, Uta.” You wave him off. “I mean I’ve gone on it a couple of times. Just, y’know…never alone.”

He turns from the piece. “Alright, this is what we’re going to do,” he says, a matter of fact. “We’re gonna go one day together, after a close, and ride one of the lines to the very end. And then, we’re gonna do the next line. And then,” he says, taking a sip. “You’re buying me dinner.”

“Okay, okay,” you put a hand on his arm. “We don’t have to do every line.”

“We do. Until you get over your fears. We’re doing it.”

You link an arm through his, feeling warm and bursting, the bubble of the champagne blurring in your fingertips. “You’re my hero.”

He pats your hand. “You’re not a small-town girl anymore.”

You lean a head on your friend’s shoulder. You wish Chiyo were here. “Yeah. I guess I’m not.”

____

Atsumu finds you again after your fourth glass of champagne. He’s just a shadow in your corner eye, approaching from behind, but you know it’s him immediately. Taking a sip from your glass, you pretend not to notice. He notices you trying not to notice and strikes a similar, thoughtful pose beside you, taking a drink and pondering the piece.

“I’m not gonna pretend to understand abstract art, but I think I like it,” he says conversationally.

You don’t look at him, but you can feel his eyes tracing your profile. “It’s about passion,” you start, trying your best to sound every bit like a curator you might see on TV. “The long streak of red, the sensual gold curved in the back…the towering black mountains as a counterpoint…” You do look at him now, and his eyes have widened slightly, impressed. You give him an impish smile. “Or at least, that’s what Aki told me.” You grin. “I can’t pretend to understand it either.”

“You were pretty convincin’ there for a moment.” He stuffs both his hands into his trouser pockets. “Think I should buy it?”

You can’t contain your genuine surprise. “You want to buy it?”

“Or one of her other pieces, sure. Why not?”

You peer at him from above your glass. “Didn’t take you as a patron of the arts.”

Atsumu grins, easy and light. “I’m a patron of my friends. And she’s good,” he adds, and then leans in towards you, conspiratorial. “Even if I don’t get it.”

You blink at his closeness, feeling all your edges for him soften with the blurring of alcohol. You don’t know why you haven’t let yourself realize it until now, but he’s handsome. The suit is slick and simple, his hair is askew from the earlier rain. He’s tall and smiling and there’s something about him. There always has been.

You hum, glancing back at the painting. “You don’t have to get it,” you say. “It just has to make you feel something when you look at it.” You offer a smile without pretense, the same one you gave him in the car.

Atsumu swallows, you can hear it. He runs a hand through his hair, once and then again. It fluffs and sticks in every direction, and an overwhelming sensation to reach out and pat it down comes over you. You look away from him again. You have to keep looking away. (You have to keep looking back).

“What if I feel confused?” He asks. He’s not amused, but not serious either. Maybe wry.

You try to read him and fail. “By the painting?”

His voice is faint. “Yeah.”

You turn towards him. He’s lit up under the perfect white glare of the room. His eyes are a glass of brandy, held to the light, appraising you. You scramble for purchase, for something clever to say, but your mouth opens and shuts with not a sound. Unexpectedly flustered, you look away from him, laughing to yourself in gentle disbelief.

Atsumu is still looking at you. “Do you,” He starts and then stops. The silence draws and suspends.

“What?” You say.

His face in conflicted, a line of determination or frustration between his brows. “Maybe wanna get some air, or—”

A loud, obnoxious ring startles the both of you. “Oh, hold on.” It’s your phone blaring and you fish through your too-large bag for it. Glancing at the screen, you shoot him an apologetic look. “Sorry, Miya. I have to take this, it’s my—” You break off, teeth snapping together. “Uh, I have to take this.”

For a flicker of a moment, you think he’s disappointed. His eyes cast down, he blinks, his furrowed brow deepens. But then he looks at you and he’s amused again. You think it must have been a trick of the light. This must all be a trick of the light. “’Course. Do your thing, sunshine.”

“You know I hate that, right?” you ask, but a smile breaks through.

He catches your smile and returns it to you, “Oh, I know.” But you’re already glancing back down at your phone, swiping the call button, walking towards the nearest exit. He doesn’t let himself watch you go.

____

“You’re an idiot,” Osamu says, appearing beside him.

“What?” Atsumu sputters, wheeling on his twin. “I didn’t even do anythin’!”

Osamu gives him a tepid look. “That’s what I’m sayin’.”

Atsumu scowls. “You’re not makin’ any sense.”

His brother only smiles.

____

“Tenchi?” You answer the phone, hushed without knowing why.

“Hey,” he says, and you can tell he’s smiling. “Hey, where are you?”

“Uhm.” You glance in through the window, seeing your friends milling around inside, amongst the growing crowd. You smile when you think of the turn out for Aki’s exhibit. “Just with friends. My friend Aki has an art showcase at a gallery.”

“Oh!” He’s pleasantly surprised. “A showcase?”

“Yeah. Champagne and everything.”

He hums a smile. “That’s great. You sound so fancy right now, like a real city girl.”

You have to laugh lightly, looking in again, seeing Aki talk to some people you didn’t recognize. She might look completely different out of her work clothes, but her same animated gestures are the same. “Yeah, I guess I do. Who would’ve thought?”

You can sense his fondness down the line. “Me.” He’s proud, he’s happy. You purse your lips, remembering his voice when you first left, those hard conversations leading up to your big move. You think of Chiyo’s words, again and again.

“What’s up?” You ask. Your tone turns formal.

“Uh, well,” there’s a nervous laugh on his end, breathless, blurred in with traffic. “Well, I guess, uh, I’m outside your place?”

Your brow furrows. “Like…my parent’s place? Did they invite you over for dinner?” Your mom always did like Tenchi. You couldn’t possibly blame her for it.

“No, no. I mean,” you hear a huff, an awkward click of his tongue. Your furrow deepens. “I mean, your place. In the city.”

“In the—” You break off, head spinning. “In the city? You mean, you’re at my apartment here?” You voice rises, incredulous.

A breathy laugh again. “Yeah. Uh, surprise?”

“Wait, wait,” you shake your head in disbelief. “Why? Don’t you have class?”

His voice changes, softens in the way you can’t resist. “I told you. I miss you.” You shake your head again, a dubious laugh escaping you. “And besides,” he adds, after you don’t say anything. “You told me you didn’t want to have any kind of talk over the phone, so…”

A fierce rush of warm, flattered joy washes over you. Your mind is buzzing with champagne and small impossibilities: Tenchi, here, to see you. To chase after you. Your heart thuds hard, you can hear it in your ears. You look around the quiet street, as though to find someone else to hold witness to this. It feels like a film, a story, something just shy of a miracle. You think of the nights you cried when you both broke up, that heartbreak that was so insurmountable. You had dreamed of this, on your loneliest nights. You had been hopeful for so long. “Oh,” you whisper. “I can’t…I’m sorry, I just can’t believe this. I’m in shock.”

“Is it okay? That I’m here?”

“Of course!” You blurt out, in instinct. But you don’t know, not really. Is it? You peer into the window again and see Uta saying something to Aki. They glance out at you through the window and all you can do is lift your shoulders in a helpless shrug. “Of course.”

Tenchi breathes a sigh of relief. “Good. Okay, good. Uh, maybe you can tell me where you are? And I’ll come meet you?”

“No,” you say quickly. The idea of your past and your current life meeting sends a prick of anxiety through you. Maybe it’s the fact that you had talked about Tenchi to your coworkers for so long, about the breakup, about your heartbreak. You had opened up to them in your time at Onigiri Miya, and their friendship had been such a balm to the hurt. Or maybe it’s Chiyo’s words, again, again, the loop of them in the back of your mind. Are you just holding on? It didn’t feel like just holding on.

Or maybe, maybe, maybe—

The building door swishes open and Atsumu steps out. At first, you think he’s leaving the showcase. He’s got his coat on, hair ruffled by the gust of night air. But then he scans the street, and his eyes meet yours, and you understand. He’s looking for you. He’s looking for you. Your eyes widen, seeing him, and his eyes widen, seeing you. That unnamable surprise, again and again, with him.

Then the strangest thing happens to you. Your mind has never held both Tenchi and Atsumu at the same time before. When you thought of Tenchi, you thought of your past, of the heartache, and it took over. He was your first love. Your first of so much. There was a time it seemed impossible to consider anybody else.

But when you thought of Atsumu (or rather, in truth, when your mind spun to him, against all your desires, like instinct, like nature) well…Well.

And now Atsumu is in front of you for reasons you don’t understand and Tenchi is on the phone, saying your name. “Hello?” You hear him try. “Sweatheart? Did I lose you?”

Am I losing you? You had said those words when you both broke up. You had come to terms with the fact that you had. And now. Atsumu reads your face and takes a step forward, like he wants to comfort you. “No,” you say, and he stops, staggering back. “No, I’m right here,” you say. “I’ll come to you. I’ll be right there, give me fifteen,” you’re saying the words mindlessly. Atsumu is looking off into the city light horizon, shadows of the evening concealing his eyes. You feel a stab of something. Guilt? What is there to be guilty for? “Let me just say goodbye to my friends.”

You hang up your phone, staring at the screen before slipping it back into your bag.

“You’re leavin’?” Atsumu’s voice is casual, his stance is not.

You adjust your bag on your shoulder, fighting a chill in the night. He’s still looking away. You don’t know why he’s in front of you in the first place. Or maybe you do. You think of his eyes under the gallery lights. You try to give him a smile. “Yeah, something just came up.”

[bisexualalienblast]

Okay yes!!! To your commentary on Michael!!! Through the seasons we’ve seen Max, Isobel, Alex, and Maria all make comments about Michael not caring about anyone, being a screw up, having no drive or motivation, throwing his life away, etc., but there’s never been any proof of that in the show! Everything we’ve ever learned about Michael is how much he has given up for the people he loves, and how much he shows up for them, and how much trauma he has experienced in his life.

With Maria and Alex I think it’s totally understandable that they make those comments because they don’t know the full story. To them, he threw away his brilliance and works at a junkyard for no reason, but once they learned why he stayed and what the true stakes are they’ve stopped making them, mostly. But Max and Isobel… how they can say those things after Michael took the blame for killing the girls and then gave up his whole future to protect Isobel is truly mind boggling to me. It makes NO sense. Like I guess it’s just… blame the writers? But if they want us to believe that’s who Michael is, why have they gone the extra mile with the way they’ve written him to show he’s the opposite? It’s totally disconnected and weird and frustrating.

*inhuman screeching* yes, this. And I’m about to word vomit so here we go.

Alex’s line in season 2 about “oh liz said you were at the library. Is that a new dive bar?” REALLY bothered me for a long time, as did Maria’s “smells like a river” comment BUT exactly as you said — at those points they only knew a little bit of information and he does have a rough exterior (hello defense mechanism!!!) so I get it. We moved past that and I think they BOTH saw his redeeming characteristics (“I don’t doubt your capacity for love” is still just *chefs kiss*) — which is why Maria’s line this season about him sitting on a barstool is so OOC? She LITERALLY said last season she can see how much he loves and how deeply he loves but all of a sudden now he doesnt care about others? That’s a wild transformation that’s just bad writing tbh. I know we said “throw the whole season 2 out” but goddamn. You’re so right — it’s disconnected.

Max and Isobel’s characterization (mostly Max I think only because I can’t off the top of my head think of an Isobel line, but I’m sure there’s plenty) of Michael makes the least amount of sense. They KNOW he grew up in abusive households (the exorcism for gods sake!!!) and maybe he never told them about Jesse at the time and for years after but come ON — clearly something was going on and coincidentally Michael’s personality changes right when he and Alex have a thing AND he has a horrible injury? Let’s use those alien brains!!!

And when have we actually seen Michael do the things they keep saying? Never. Because here’s what we’ve seen of Michael: 1) he helped cover up the murder of the dude who attacked Isobel 2) he helped cover for Isobel after Rosa (not saying it was the right thing, not by a long shot, but look what he did for his sister as fucking misguided as it was) 3) he LITERALLY told Alex that his history of abusive foster homes was fine because Max and Isobel were safe and that’s what mattered 4) he has helped Liz how many times to save Max? To his own detriment mind you 5) almost got himself killed in Caulfield to save aliens 7) his “spiral” last season meant that he beat the shit out of a racist?? Ok wheres the actual issue 6) the whole helping Kyle storyline this season — the list goes on and on and on.

Michael Guerin is a good person with a shit past who does literally everything in his power to help the people he loves. We have seen ZERO evidence that he’s some fuck up drunk who doesn’t give two fucks about other people. Ever. If they wanted us to believe that about Michael then they have done an absolute shit job at that characterization — I would argue (very intensely) that Michael loves deeper than anyone on this show. And the real tragedy is his wasted potential — potential that was taken away from him by other, actually terrible people. He doesn’t need to be “less Michael-like” because he’s a good fucking person. Full stop, end of.