#his voice is shart

[a-passing-storm]

just mistyped “his voice is sharp, curt” as “his voice is shart.” will give up writing now.

[tea-time221]

sekaaiiii de ichiban ohime samaaaaaa

soooo tango gameworks...... miku 808 skin when?

[astarionposting]

I made shadowheart a man and I can't decide which hair I want him to have...

male shadowheart mod

[coralchoral]

kids at the zoo carousel always wanting to ride the Tire or the Sock like are we in strong badia-land or what

[broskiblogs]

got too silly during d&d and now I feel like shit

[unsoundedcomic]

Whumptober 2024 - 07 - "Only For Emergencies"

New Tawhoque was a dangerous place for Ssaelit, but if a woman knew just what crooked street to turn down and upon which unmarked door to knock, she might find a sanctuary or two open to those of the Way.

This one was a public house (semi-private house, really, they did not allow Gefendur) called Arbert's. A woman slipped its heavy front door closed behind her and pretended she didn't notice the wall of eyes move to sweep across her from the bar. Finding the newcomer hidden beneath a dumpy rain slicker and a waterproof bonnet, the collective gaze rolled back towards their whispered conversations and their glasses of imported beer. She chose a hightop in the corner, asked for a cheap pour of Trieste, and unwrapped her hand to see if the bleeding had stopped.

"They cut your finger off," a male voice observed behind her. She jumped a foot in the air, then collapsed forward over the injury to hide it from him.

"It is nothing!" she said.

"It is nothing now," he agreed, "But until recently I think it was your right index finger."

"Oh, why do you care? Did you want it?"

She turned. Her shoulders hunched even higher to discover an unreasonably tall man looking down at her, his face half a void of shadow. "Perhaps," he admitted at length. The words sounded strange. Artificial. Pymaric? What a strange thing to say, and in what a strange voice to say it! "Which of the gangs have you crossed?"

"I did not 'cross' any of them!" Her head lashed back and forth in pain, then anger. "I am a good and honest woman! I went to the constabulary! I went to report all my hens dead!"

"O-oh!" He seemed to suddenly lose a foot of height, shocked. Perhaps he loved animals too?

She continued: "I think my neighbour's hounds had at them in the night. One of the constables said it would cost thirty sem for them to go and investigate the scene. I pointed my finger in his face and called him a villain. Then he said he would have that finger, and before I knew it he had nipped it free with a spell! Have you ever heard of such a thing? That is not how policing works!"

"Naught works in the expected manner here," the stranger whispered. For all his prior forwardness, he suddenly seemed to be avoiding the sight of her gory hand. "I… am afraid I can be of no help confronting the local lawmen, but I would happily pay for your drink and direct you towards a more honest physician than the twin-eating sawbones you will find on the high street."

His voice was unnervingly tinny, but there was warmth there. In spite of her anxiety and her throbbing hand, she tried to wind down. She hadn't been in town very long but even the Ssaelit she had tried to befriend were standoffish. She was beginning to understand why. Sharteshane was a land of traps and predators; everyone was waiting to see what you had, and if you were strong enough to protect it. Why she had supposed the law would be different, now seemed beyond her. A final illusion shattered.

"Is it still raining?" he prompted when she took too long to decide on an answer. "It is forever raining here. It is as though the city must be kept wet, or its amphibian skin will crack open."

"And out will pour the bloody flies," she agreed, removing her coat. It had done little good. The clothing beneath was sodden, draping, and she coloured to realise how prominently her bosom rose. Oh, dear, her nipples were visible too. These cheap Sharteshanian weaves simply did not reflect her patterns correctly-

Now it was the stranger's turn to give a start! He shuddered and stumbled away as though burnt. Had it been the fly remark that had disturbed him? He was surely scandalized to hear such language from an Aldishwoman. Of course he would be! Soon she would be a ribald Sharte, all cusses and swears-

Ach, no, no. He was trying not to look at her chest. A gentleman! Of course.

"You must forgive me, sir! I dove into the rain after the attack without first buttoning my slicker and… and…" Her good hand fumbled at her bonnet, slipped it free of her head so he could see her earnest green eyes. Oh, a mistake! Now he would see she was a Soud, and hate her-

He stumbled again, struck, and grabbed at his midsection! Then from her eyes to her hair his attention alighted once more upon her missing digit.

"What is it?" she demanded, "Are you ill? What is wrong with you!"

"D-did you keep your finger?" he sputtered, almost wailed, "Or did the constable take it?"

"What a question! You monster! Bartender!"

"Bartender!" he echoed, "Aye, please bring to me my emergency order! I require my emergency order!"

A moment's pause, and a broad-shouldered Bronze suddenly jumped the bar. He was nearly seven feet tall, with a touch of the Glut about him. A steaming hot bar towel was in his grasp. The stranger grabbed it, two-fisted it with all the alacrity of a drowning man reaching for a watertight coffin. Then she swore she heard a hiss as his impossibly perfect white teeth bit down upon it hard. When he started gnawing it like the hounds last night had surely gnawed at her poor hens, she flew from the pub, never gathering the courage to ask if he'd been the one to leave nothing in that coop but two beaks and a pile of bloody feathers.

[meglet1]

So, I started YET another play through, this time with Origin Gale. Initially thought I’d romance Shart, because their angst just kinda seemed compatible.

And then, of course, Gale gets jumped by Lae’zel immediately in Act 1. No strings attached at this point, just went with it. Will go after Shart later, I thought.

And Gale!Lae’zel? This is the most fucking adorable thing I’ve ever seen. The dialogue between them is hilarious, she is so uncomfortable with PDA (which he is not letting her get away with), she grumbles at him and he just grins like an idiot. She’s gonna protect that wizard because obvs he can’t do it himself.

And then Gale went down during a nasty fight (tactician) and the FEAR in her voice when she screamed his name was just……heartbreaking. I literally had goosebumps. And I wasn’t expecting this kind of compatibility from those two (Shadowheart who?)……

These voice actors are all AMAZING. And the Larian writers gave them so much good material, damn.

My poor husband is never gonna get to play this game. 😈

[letters-from-dekarios]

a blind date with a wizard

summary: you’ve been lonely, your friends noticed, and decided to drag you to a tavern in waterdeep to go on a blind date with their wizard friend who you’ve never met. what in all of faerún could happen?

or: you go on a blind date with gale of waterdeep

word count: 4k

tags: gale x implied f!reader/afab!reader, fluff, mildly medium burn, alcohol usage, astarion and shart are also there, and also wyll is your ex

Okay, you had to admit it. You were lonely. You hadn’t had a date with someone in months and your vibe was seriously bringing down the mood of your brunches with your friend Astarion. The vampire had threatened to bite you if you wouldn’t stop droning on about how sad and lonely you were.

It’s not that you were unhappy with being single. You didn’t mind it! Singleness meant late-night tavern dives and staying out until the sun rose over the hills again. Singleness was freedom, and freedom was.. well, it’s in the name: freeing. You liked being single, for a while. And then you’d become all too aware of how cold your bed was by yourself, how quiet your house was during the day, how you missed having someone— anyone there for you.

You had that with Wyll Ravengard. He was your first love in a long time. He was sweet, and caring, he listened to all your worries and anxieties whenever you became troubled. You often found yourself longing for him whenever he was away, wishing upon the stars that he’d come home safely.

And then he broke up with you. It was messy. Maybe it was the luskan wine he’d had too much of. Maybe it was his father’s cold words getting to his head. Maybe it was the stress of being connected to that family name. Whatever it was, when it went down, it wasn’t pretty. You resented him for all he said and did that night, and somehow, some part of you still longed for him.

“I’m setting you up with someone,” Astarion told you sternly one afternoon.

“What?” You couldn’t believe your pointed ears. He had no right over your love life! How dare he!

“I am so over you droning on and on, every day about Wyll. He found someplace else to sheathe his dagger, it’s about time you do the same.” Astarion replied pointedly, his sharp eyes glaring at you. He was done hearing about your ex.

“Ast-“

“No, I positively do not want to hear it. I could drain your blood to the point of death and somehow you’d find a way to make it about Wyll. You were too good for him and you should start proving that.” You weren’t going down without a fight on this, and Astarion would first rather go back to Cazador than lose to you if it came down to it. The case was open and shut, almost immediately.

A few weeks went by with little being brought up on the subject. You had hoped he’d forgotten about it and the world could move on, but you were sorely mistaken. All of a sudden you were seated in front of Astarion and Shadowheart; clothes were laid out all around you, and makeup and hair accessories were next being dumped on any table they could find.

“It really is such a pity you have to go around with this face every day,” Astarion clicked his tongue softly, crossing his arms over his chest. You had the right of mind to kick him had Shadowheart not jumped into the situation.

“Let’s not be so harsh. It’s definitely workable.” Shadowheart, though essentially equally as harsh, had a kinder inflection to her voice that comforted you. Somewhat.

Three hours and seventeen outfit changes later, you were finally (gods you hoped) done. Astarion and Shadowheart had to step back to admire their work. Your hair was done in intricate braids, flowing down your back and around your head. They put you in a form-fitting dress that came just to your knees, it was a deep, royal blue color that emphasized your features perfectly. The dress was embroidered along the sides and the deep v-neck collar in gold, twisting vines and flowers adding to your magnificence. They added simple, yet effective, gold earrings and a necklace that brought the entire thing together. And, of course, they couldn’t forget the heels.

You were an entirely different person. Visually, at least.

“Not too bad of a job, I’d say,” Shadowheart noted, confident in her and Astarion’s work.

“It’s an upgrade.” Astarion nodded in agreement.

“You guys are just downright mean, you know that?” You cocked an eyebrow at them, crossing your arms with a look of annoyance on your face.

“And yet you love us all the same,” Astarion gave a faux-sweet smile towards you, widening his eyes like a little puppy.

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t,” You retorted, rolling your eyes at the two of them and their smug expressions.

About a half hour later, they were leaving you behind to go get wasted at another tavern “nearby”. Though you knew that wasn’t true, and they’d be far gone by the time you’d leave this ‘blind date’, you placed a false hope in them regardless. Besides, all you had to do was show up, talk a little, escape to the bathroom, and then shimmy your way out the window! You’d be fine. Right?

Right?

You tugged at the hem of your dress, pulling it down more, which only showed off your cleavage more so you had to pull down your dress again. It was a horrid cycle of feeling way too exposed out in the open, yet you also felt… bold. Was that right? In this skimpy outfit, so out of your own body, you felt bold. It’s crazy what the energy of a popular tavern does to a person.

“Um.. hello?” You walked up to the bartender, trying to remember the name of the man you were looking for. Gale Dekarios. Such an… interesting name, you thought to yourself. The only thing Astarion told you about him was that he was a wizard. You wondered if he meant that literally or sexually— well, you’d find out soon enough!

“What can I get for you, lady?” The bartender asked, and you became mesmerized by his flaming eyes for a moment. Gods, you were desperate to do anything other than go on this date.

“Oh, uh, nothing right now! I’m looking for a guy.. his name’s Gale? I was supposed to meet him here tonight..” You smiled awkwardly, rubbing your left thumb against your right palm to alleviate the anxiety you felt. The boldness you had walking in had quickly faded away as soon as you realized you’d actually have to interact with this man. Can you pray to all of Faerún to make you disappear? Please?

“I might’ve seen a guy come in with that name. Said he was looking for someone named y/n, that you?” The bartender asked, looking over you carefully. Was he checking you out? No… Ugh! Focus on the blind date for Faerún’s sake!

“Yes! Yes. That’s me. Can you point me in his direction?” You requested, smiling sweetly at him. Maybe you could say he didn’t show up! Then go home now! That would work, right?

“He’s over in the back corner booth. You’ll know him when you see him,” he pointed in the direction Gale was in, sending you off towards the blind date you did not want to be on.

Halfway through, your walk to the booth turned to a stride, and then soon you found yourself sauntering over, swaying your hips as the music from the band infused you with confidence. By the time you spotted the gentleman who, as the bartender said, looked like a Gale, you were fully into the swing of your old dating self. Kind of. The dating self that told people no, at least. Look, all you had to do was let him down easy, convincing him you were just too good for him. Easy!

“Gale Dekarios?” You asked, sliding into the seat across from the man.

“Y/n?” He replied, raising an eyebrow at you as you entered into his space. You studied his face, the short beard he had, the way his hair was neatly parted down the center. You listened closely to his voice, the accent, and the inflection he had in his words. You wanted to memorize him in case Astarion asked you questions later.

“It’s my pleasure,” Gale grinned at you and you could see why Astarion picked him of all people. Maybe he’d make a nice rebound.

“Look…” You began, but Gale cut you off with a raise of his hand. He shook his head slightly, a knowing smile on his face.

“Please, spare me the condolences. I don’t want to be here as much as I’m sure you don’t. But, that pale creature of a man somehow convinced me, I’m sure not by my own means, to go on what he called a date. For my own sake, and yours, I think we can keep this rather simple, can’t we?” He inquired of you, sympathetic to both of your situations.

And, despite the fact you had wanted to up and leave only moments prior, you now felt attached to him. You cursed Astarion for putting you with him.

“Oh my gods, you read my mind!” You breathed out a sigh of relief, shifting your expression to match your words. “I’m sure you’re a lovely man, but I just ended a relationship pretty roughly and I’m not sure I’m ready to do.. all of this, you know? Astarion is lovely for thinking of me to do this but I mean… really.” You trailed off, gesturing with your hands to what Gale already expected.

“Believe me, I know. Astarion can’t shut up about you. I do feel bad for your situation, but I don’t think I’m the best… fit for you,” he smiled, that sympathetic smile, and something inside you twitched. Was this a blind date only for you? What did he mean that Astarion talked about you? To him?

“Wait.. what?” You laughed awkwardly, a smile coming across your face and fading immediately. “What did Astarion tell you about me? He told you about my ex? This was supposed to be a blind date, right?” Your eyebrows furrowed together, confused and embarrassed.

“A blind date?” Gale chuckled softly, shaking his head as he took a sip from a glass you’d only just realized was there. Maybe you should’ve ordered something from that bartender. Maybe your face wouldn’t be as red as it was, and maybe you wouldn’t be visibly angry with your only friend since your breakup.

“I’m sorry, I was under the impression Astarion had given you a once-over about myself, as well?” He noticed your expression change and pursed his lips, nodding in understanding. “I see..” he sucked in a breath through his teeth, running a hand through his hair. How was he to approach this situation now?

“You mean to tell me Astarion told you all about me, my ex, and my recent situation… and then tried to set me up with you as if this was a blind date?” Annoyance laced your words, resentment creeping over them like a thief trying to steal your peace. Was this part of his plan? To trick you? You felt stupid for believing him.

“I was not informed this was a—“

“No, obviously you weren’t informed. What the hells did Astarion tell you?” You demanded to know. It wasn’t a question, you needed to save your image from Astarion’s grimy hold.

“Well, you see-“

You cut him off again, only to raise a hand to get a waiter’s attention. You ordered a drink, something strong, and then let him continue. You crossed your arms over your chest defiantly, eyebrows furrowed together with frustration. Gale paused for a moment, made sure he could continue, and then spoke once more.

“You see… Astarion spoke of a friend of.. sorts that might be to my liking. I, of course, asked some questions and he was more than willing to answer them. He spoke only good of you, I swear on my mother’s grave- which I never do, by the way. He happened to bring up exes and, well, the discussion got rolling and I asked about your case.”

Your nose turned up as you thought about being perceived in such a way that your friends would talk about you. Good or bad, it flipped your stomach to know that you were a topic of conversation for someone.

“He told me how you had just gotten out of a relationship with Wyll Ravengard. That it was rough, to say the least. There weren’t many details, but the picture was painted quite clearly.” Gale clarified, trying to soothe your mind about what Astarion spoke about you.

You could only dream of what you’d do when you saw him again… he was certainly in for it once you caught up together.

“That’s it?” You questioned, thanking the waiter who dropped your drink off.

“That’s it.”

Oh. Maybe what Astarion discussed wasn’t so alarming after all. That didn’t mean you weren’t still irate, though. He had lied to you about going on a blind date. Here you were, sat in front of a man you knew nothing about, while he practically had your whole life story! How unfair was that?

“I’m still mad at him.”

“I can tell.”

The smirk on Gale’s face was enough to break your outrage, even momentarily. You sighed heavily, pushed some hair out of your face, and took a long drink from your cup.

“I reckon we should get our stories straightened out so that we can answer any queries he’ll ask us, yes?” Gale proposed, tilting his glass to you.

“I suppose,” you replied, clinking the rim of your glass against his. You hesitated, though, once again feeling exposed- but in a different manner.

“I think it’s only fair you tell me how you ended up here on this not-so-blind date, considering how much you know about me already,” you added on, leaning back more comfortably in the booth.

Gale thought for a moment, before raising his hands in surrender. He thought the same as you, and he was willing to provide the information you pursued to feel level with you.

He went on to tell you about his life, becoming a wizard and dedicating himself to the Mother of the Weave- Mystra. Mystra sounded lovely, at first, until things went south and Gale was left, much like you, alone in the grand scheme of the world. You felt bad for him, your breakup with Wyll feeling a lot less dramatic now that it was in comparison to his. Who breaks up with a literal Goddess? Gale Dekarios, apparently. Maybe you could get along better than you thought.

“Wait wait wait-“ you paused him halfway through a sentence, waving your hand to shush him. You were three drinks in now and you could feel yourself becoming more relaxed by the moment. Time had flown by, it felt, the moon fully over the bar and shining in from any open windows.

“You’re telling me you can project yourself into the Weave and have sex with someone? But, like, not actual sex?” You asked, laughing your little head off at what the wizard was telling you. Honest to the gods, you never could quite understand wizards. You had your magic passed down to you, sure, but wizards? They were their own breed of people.

“It’s an intertwining of souls, not sex. Not entirely, that is,” he answered, laughing along with you. His smile was gorgeous, and the way he chuckled at your comments made you feel all warm inside. Or maybe it was the wine talking, you didn’t know.

“Do you want to get out of here?” You invited abruptly, pushing some hair out of your face.

“I’m sorry?” The look of confusion on his face was almost priceless, causing you to giggle softly.

“Not like that! Gods no. I’m just getting tired of sitting here,” you responded, moving away your final empty glass. If you had any more than that you might not make it home at all.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt. There’s a beautiful spot by a lake not too distant from here, would you like to go there?” He asked, sliding out of the booth and offering you his hand.

You took his hand, nodding at the question. Soon enough, you were sat on the edge of a clear lake, watching the water rush around the stones and the occasional fish swim past. Now in a quiet, secluded area, you had more room to think. What was Astarion’s purpose in setting you both up like this? It made no sense to you that he’d tell Gale one thing, and you another.

Yes, you were getting along just fine. Telling each other stories about yourselves, Astarion, your adventures. But that didn't stop you from feeling some sense of unease, not knowing Astarion’s true intentions behind this.

“I have to ask..” You looked over at Gale, leaning back on your hands in the grass. The moonlight crossed your faces here and there as a gentle breeze swayed the trees encircling you. It was soothing, almost, even if the night hadn’t gone nearly how you had anticipated it. To be next to someone you had some common ground with, and sharing a moment like this was.. nice. Nonsexual, you’d tell yourself, but nice.

“Go on,” Gale encouraged, meeting your gaze with soft recognition of your ease with him.

“You could’ve told Astarion no to meeting with me, considering all you knew. So why didn’t you?”

Gale paused, realizing the predicament he had placed himself in. He was so worried and so frightened of being hurt again that despite the fact he had agreed to meet with you, he turned you down. Astarion spoke so highly of you all the time, he had become terrified that, if anything worked out, he would do something to have it all come crashing back down. Again.

“I guess some part of me wanted to see how this would all play out in the end,” he confessed, allowing himself to be truthful with you. You could feel the anxiety, the tension in his words. He was afraid of being this vulnerable, it was clear, but he was choosing to be anyway. It was admirable in a way.

“I guess that’s why I came here, too,” You replied, nodding your head slightly as you looked up at the stars. You were glad you had been forced into it, even though you would’ve much rather stayed home and cried your heart out. “I contemplated jumping out the bathroom window at one point,” you laughed.

“Do you think he planned this all out?” Gale asked, chuckling to himself at the thought. Astarion was oftentimes wiser than he gave him credit for. He could have very well planned this out so well that you’d end up bonding over your irritation with him.

“Absolutely. I’m also definitely still mad at him, but I can’t say it didn’t work.” You laughed with Gale, moving ever so slightly closer to him. With the gentle breeze passing through, you could simply blame it on being cold.

“I didn’t anticipate it working,” Gale added, moving closer to you, too.

He smelled like a library. Earthy, woody tones stirred around you, inviting you into him. You accepted the invitation, making note of the hints of vanilla- sweet, but not overwhelming. The closer you got, the more attributes you acknowledged about him. It was more than just surface-level distinction, now, but a desire to know him- for all that he was.

He had been a gentleman the whole evening, not overlooking your frustrations or feeding into the embarrassment. He worked with you, not against you, and exchanged in meaningful conversation that wasn’t entirely about him. He already knew of you, and yet he still got to know you.

You vowed to never let Astarion know he was right.

“Y/n,” Gale called, breaking you from your thoughts about him. You realized you’d been staring at him, a stupid partial smile on your face while you indulged in the fantasy of him.

“I’d like to get to know you better before you start throwing the ‘kiss me’ eyes at me,” he joked, noting your expression that you quickly changed as you looked away.

“Oh shush, you,” You nudged him in the arm gently, your face becoming hot with his words.

“While I would love to, ‘shushing’ is not exactly my finest quality.”

“It makes more and more sense you’re a wizard with everything you say.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“You’ll find out.”

The two of you laughed softly at the banter, letting yourselves bask in the silence of the cool night. You wondered where this string would take you if you pulled on it— would it lead to him? Or would it end in a fiery disaster like both of your lasts? You almost didn’t want to try it, but this little voice inside you urged you on. It convinced you that, maybe- just maybe, there was something promising to find here. Maybe something even better than that.

“Gale…” you started, breaking the short silence you were enjoying.

“I know.” He answered softly, feeling the same as you. How could he let you go now that he had you? Astarion was right, you were everything. You were the light he had been searching for for so long, and now that he had you there was no chance in all the realms that he was going to shut it off. Why would he? He despised Astarion’s trickery but had to give him credit for leading you both to the sanctuary you each needed.

“Not tonight, of course, but…”

“I know.”

He always knew. You read each other like the back of your hands even though you had just met. You matched each other’s energy in a way nobody else had. It was like fate led you to one another- and who can argue with fate?

“It’s getting late— and if you say ‘I know’ one more time I’m kicking you,” you joked, beginning to stand, “I enjoyed this. Even though I didn’t want to.”

Gale stood after you, extending his arm towards you to take. You did, and he began leading you both out of the area and back to the city. “I enjoyed this as well, y/n. And, perhaps, if you’d let me…”

He trailed off, and you squeezed his arm in recognition of what he meant. He wanted to do this again. You wanted to do this again.

“I’d love to,” you answered the question he hadn’t even asked, smiling up at him.

The rest of the walk back was quiet but in a comforting kind of way. Not awkward, not weird, just a nice.. nice quiet, knowing you would see each other again soon and would have many more things to discuss.

Gale walked you all the way home, like the gentleman he was, and wished you a good night and sweet dreams.

“Ah, I must not forget..” Gale paused, extending his hand towards you. You placed one of yours in his, and he bowed his head to place a kiss against the back of it. Your face flushed, and you nearly wanted him to stay the rest of the night with you.

“I’ll be seeing you again soon, yes?” He asked, letting your hand go as he stood straight once more. His eyes had little reservation in what he meant about that, and your answer fueled the fire behind them.

“Yes.” It was a simple answer, but one he looked forward to hearing. “Thank you, by the way. For tonight,” you added on.

“It was my pleasure,” Gale replied before he was finally off for his own home.

You returned into your own, giddy from the high and excitement this new chapter brought you. That was quickly replaced with anger as you saw Astarion, smugly waiting for you by a fire he had curated.

“Astarion!”

You had a lot to discuss with him.

[ominous-auburn-orbs]

Gay people real?!?

Can i get a burger extra cheese

Or if you dont have that

A kingleader fic about Caine just,,, wearing kingers robe (assuming he has more than one) and kinger catching him red-handed ——> fluff ensues

I have shart block so i’ll prolly draw it too (if it’s okay wit u tho)

Thamk you 🫶

I do not have a burger, no, but I do have some gays.

Anyone making art about anything I write ever makes me the world's happiest guy so if you wanna draw it then fuck yeah draw it

Caine quietly opened the door to Kinger's room. He knew the chess piece was in his smaller, separate fortress near the stage, so he decided to use this opportunity to his advantage.

Moving further in, Caine scanned the room for anything resembling a closet, but found only the large pillow fort that took up near the entire room. Maybe it was in there, along with likely everything Kinger owned. He really could've just had a room made of pillows in the first place, all he had to do was ask...

Pushing some of the pillows aside, Caine went inside and found a lot more than what he expected to. The place was larger than what it had looked like and had an abundance of furniture and decorations. It was rather nice. He couldn't help but run his hands along most of it, lingering on the bed specifically for probably longer than what would be considered normal.

Remembering why he was there to begin with, he floated over to the closet and pulled open the doors. Inside were about five identical purple robes. Perfect.

It was at this point where he hesitated. Would this be wrong? He was in a relationship with Kinger at this point, and he wasn't doing anything inherently weird. He just wanted to try on one of the robes, then he'd put it right back.

He pulled one of the robes off of its hanger. Caine examined it as he held it in his hands. It was soft. He opened the robe and placed it on his shoulders, feeling himself being weighed down by it. From where he was floating, the bottom of it brushed against the floor.

As he pulled it closer to himself, he felt a pleasant warmth rise in his face. The robe felt comforting and nice. It felt like Kinger. So absorbed was Caine in the robe's feel and the thoughts of Kinger it provoked, he didn't hear the door creak open further nor the shuffling of pillows being moved aside.

"Caine, what are you doing?" The ringmaster startled, both of them yelling in surprise. His blush worsened exponentially. He had forgotten to close the door, and now he had to face the consequences.

"W-well, uh, you see, I've always wanted to- to try on one of your robes. They've always looked-" His eyes wandered along the robe Kinger wore now, "felt, so soft."

"Couldn't you have just spawned one in instead of trying to sneak in here?"

"I suppose, but..." He faltered, attempting to find the words that would make his feelings make sense. "It just isn't the same! That would just be another robe, these are your robes, y-you wore them, they, um, smell like... you."

"...Caine, you don't have a nose." Kinger was touched by the sentiment regardless, despite how little sense it made.

"I know I don't, let me be romantic!" The chess piece chuckled, putting a hand on Caine's face which he immediately leaned into.

"Alright, then. You know you really could've just asked for one of my robes, I would've given it to you. You look cute in it anyway." Kinger caressed the ringmaster's gums, his voice lowering somewhat. "I like seeing you in my clothes."

He felt Caine's face start to burn up against his palm along with hearing a quiet dial-up sound. "A-ah- I didn't know you'd- uh-"

Kinger pressed his face to Caine's teeth and smiled. "You don't need to be so sneaky with this. Feel free to steal from me whenever you want."

Caine took his word for it, which resulted in multiple morning greetings starting with the ringmaster being weighed further down to the ground by a large purple robe. Jax would snicker and nudge Kinger, but the chess piece would never be listening, his eyes trained solely on the main thing that made his digital life worth living.

[thefloatingstone]

Things are very weird this run and I barely started

1: Shadowheart, for SOME reason, is a BIG bitch this time around. Which is funny because when my friend played her first run before me she said she hated Shart and I couldn't figure out why?? Because Shadowheart was actually REALLY nice to me? She was secretive and suspicious of everyone but was genuinely nice and pleasant. Welp... this run she is a BITCH and I'm like "ah... I see how this as a first impression would not go over well."

2: Astarion is nicer to me than he was in my first run. I haven't had much opportunities to raise his affinity yet (and hopefully won't fuck it up this time) but he's weirdly less hostile to me.

3: Shadowheart hasn't even told me about the artifact yet and I have 0 idea about it but the Emperor wants me to eat an evil space slug so badly he yelled "A SPECIMEN. GRAB IT. IT MIGHT BE USEFUL" when Shart wasn't even in my party. I guess my Tav (Moonstone) is like "huh... I guess we hearing voices now..."

[that-basic-simp]

Found You

Karlach x Fem! Reader CW: N/A WC: 1.0k+ Summary: Hide and Seek with the companions.

"This is the most serious game of hide and go seek I will ever play," Karlach said as she was pushing around bushes and other leaf like nature. "It also doesn't help that I don't particularly have a knack for this sort of thing."

"Wonder why we made you the seeker," Shadowheart's voice came from nowhere.

"You would think Halsin would make for an easy target."

"At least Halsin can use his powers," Lae'zel said.

"Which is cheating! Sort of," Karlach said.

"Just focus on the game, Karlach," Wyll said.

"Easy for you to say," Karlach jutted her chin at him. "I found you within seconds."

"Actually, that was me," Gale raised his hand.

"Ah, yes. How could I forget ticking time bomb 2.0 over there? That glowing thing in your chest and your heaving can give you away for at least 20 miles."

"At least you don't have to eat the group's magical items," Gale tried to argue.

"No, but if mine goes off, I disintegrate."

"Neither of us are in a good position with these things in our chests."

"Shadowheart I see you."

"Do you really?"

"Yes. Your thing on the top of your head is poking out from the bush."

"You have to come and make sure it's me."

Karlach walked over to the bush and grabbed the item, only to find no Shadowheart.

"Clever," Karlach said and put it on her broken horn. "It's mine now."

"No! That's not how it works."

"Finders keepers."

"You're giving that back."

"Or what, Shart? You'll try to fight me like you tried to fight Lae'zel and Y/N had to step in?"

"I could have taken her down easily."

"Chk. Like it would be so easy to take me down."

"I may have more brute strength than you, Shart, but I wouldn't even dare try to fight Lae'zel."

"Whatever. You're giving that back to me once this is over. And stop calling me Shart! It sounds obscene."

"Just like you," Karlach said and pushed aside some branches, revealing Shadowheart.

"There. You found me," Shadowheart said and grabbed the thing from Karlach's horn.

"Ow. Ow! Hey, watch it before you just go yanking something off of me."

"Please. It's not like your horns are so easy to pull off," Shadowheart grabbed the other horn and yanked it, pulling Karlach's head towards her.

"Besides, how did the other horn become broken?"

"What do you expect? I was a soldier in a war."

"I was expecting you to say you ran face first into a tree because of a dare."

"Look," Karlach shoved Shadowheart away. "I may be a barbarian, but that doesn't mean I think like one all the time."

"Sure," Shadowheart said.

"Anyway, three down, four to go."

"I'd like for you to get it done by sun down. It's Y/N's turn for making dinner."

"Speaking of Y/N, I haven't heard anything from her, Astarion, or Halsin."

"They're better at playing hide and seek. I'm surprised Astarion agreed to do this," Shadowheart said.

"Maybe it was because we all kind of bullied him into it," Karlach snickered. "That man has to have some fun."

"His idea of fun is sucking the blood out of everything," Shadowheart sighed.

"I beg your pardon!" Astarion's head poked out from behind his tent.

"You were hiding there the entire time?!" Karlach laughed.

"Yes, I have. Seems like you need some glasses."

"I honestly wasn't looking that hard," she admitted.

"Seems like you're the one who needs to have more fun," Astarion walked out from behind his tent and he sat down on his bedroll.

"Now it's just Lae'zel, Halsin, and Y/N," Karlach muttered to herself.

"You're not finding Y/N," Astarion said.

"Why's that?"

"If you can't find me, in the most obvious places, you're not finding Y/N."

"Why? Is it that obvious?"

"Yes," everyone said, even Halsin.

"What makes you say that?"

"It's very obvious," Shadowheart looked in my direction.

Karlach followed her gaze, but it appeared she couldn't see me. Or she didn't recognize it was me. Unlike Halsin, who could have easily changed into an animal, I did. I was sitting right next to Scratch. And she still couldn't see me. Instead of searching the area for me, she went on to find Halsin and Lae'zel.

"You look like a frog in there," Karlach titled her head to the side, finding Lae'zel's head above water.

"And yet you didn't even bother looking over here when I spoke."

"Well, I found you. Which means I need to find Y/N and Halsin. More like Halsin."

She found Halsin within minutes after Lae'zel, as he was hiding behind some rocks with a family of ducks. The others were settling back into their tents while Karlach was still looking for me. Guess it was time to let the cat out of the bag. Literally. I walked out from behind Scratch and towards Karlach. I let out a loud meow before rubbing up in between her legs.

"Well aren't you a darling thing?" she smiled, picking me up. She cradled me in her arms and pet my head, a low purr coming from me.

"Maybe you've seen Y/N. Tell me where she went."

I hissed slightly before going to claw at her hand. She pulled it back and lightly batted me on the forehead.

"Hey! No!"

I hissed once more before I changed back. Karlach almost dropped me because of the sudden change. Her eyes widened and her head jerked backwards.

"Y-Y/N? You were the cat?"

"Yes! I made it very obvious I was the cat."

"You were next to Scratch."

"Yes."

"I thought you had gotten His Majesty to follow you back to the camp."

"He's hairless!"

Karlach gave me a nervous smile, "I-I'm really sorry, Y/N."

I jumped from her arms and walked towards my tent.

"Y/N, can we talk about this?" she rushed towards me, but I lowered the flap on my tent, only for her to fly through it.

"Y/N, please. I-I didn't mean for you to get upset."

I let out a sigh, shaking my head. A small smile formed as I turned to face her. How could I stay mad at her? Especially when her pout was the cutest of them all. I reached up and placed my hands on her cheeks, pulling her towards me. Our foreheads met one another's and I caressed the skin of her cheek with my thumb.

"I could never stay mad at you for long. Unless you really fucked up."

"Did I, darling?"

I giggled. I loved it when she used that pet name.

"No, Karlach. I just got too serious with this silly little game."

She snickered, pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

"Since you won hide and seek, you should get rewarded."

"Oh? And how will the great Karlach reward me?"

"You'll know soon enough," she said, pressing her lips against mine firmly.

[munchymuchy]

Elevator-Bukkake

(TW: this story contains facesitting, face-farting,rimming, musk-kink, sharting, soiling, scat in general)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Loud annoying beeps filled Blu's room causing her to put her pillow over her head in desperation to try and not listen to it. Her alarm read 6:20.She knew she had to get up for her 7 a.m. mathematics class. She hated math with a passion and wasn't good with it. Honestly she had no idea how she was still passing but she needed it to be a photographer. She grogalu got up, turned off her phone and got ready for the day.

She grabbed an orange kirby top and some white pants for today. Blu didn't really care how she dressed for her morning classes. She just wanted to get up, do some work and come back to her cozy apartment. She made sure to grab her camera too and put it in her backpack. Her campus was a good walking distance so she didn't need to drive. As she arrived on campus heads started to turn and voices started coming her way.

"Good Morning Blu!"

"Morning Blue"

"Love the shirt"

Blu spoke back with a smile to her fellow classmates and counited into the building to her class. As she went into the room she saw someone she's never seen before. A rather large man wearing a jacket was sitting in a seat next to hers. The way to describe this room would be that there are 8 long desks in the room in total with three chairs behind them. Normally no one sits in her area of the desk but this might be someone new in this class so she just sits in the middle where she usually is. As she unpacks her stuff she takes quick glances at the man. He had his head down but she could definitely see his body shape. She could see how big his ass was and how it hung off the side of the chair a bit. She could feel herself staring at his butt, even spotting his crack expose itself from his pants. As she continued to stare she saw the big mans hand reach over and pull his jacket over his crack.

This shocked Blu causing her to look away and do an awkward small cough. She then did a small eye side to see if he was staring and sure enough the big man was. His dull black eyes were piercing the side of her head like darts and blu kept nervously looking forward not trying to make eye contact with him. What seemed like minutes he put his head back down but blu didn't look back over for the rest of the hours of class.

When class ended blu started to pack up her stuff with her camera in her hand ready to snap pictures of the football players. The football players would do their stretches and exercises at this time, 9:00 a.m. to be exact. At around this time it would get kinda hot, not smoldering, just hot enough to see sweat drip from their bodies. The field was near a place with a bunch of flowers with insects, mainly butterflies or bees, so it didn't seem to suspicion to see anybody taking pictures in that area. Blu used this as opportunity each time to take photos of the players.

She was smart enough to take her pictures at angles that made anybody think she was taking pictures of something else so she knew she would never get in trouble. During this time some of players had their shirts off. She didn't pay attention to that..she wanted all the "bigger" guys. She took some snaps of some of the big players with some with their shirts off, sweat marks appearing under their arms, or sweat in the middle of their ass. Blu was snapping pictures one by one but didn't want to fill her camera up like that..she was waiting for her main two players to step on screen and those players were Eddie Fatialofa and Kofi Samuelu, the biggest players on the team. They were like chunky clydesdales with asses that sat out like 40 inch countertops. "我的天啊...did their asses get bigger?" Blu said, her breathing shaking with her cheeks getting rosey. Eddie was wearing a tank top and some long purple joggers while Kofi was wearing nothing but some shorts..very tight grey shorts. Both of them seemed to be doing some toe touch stretches. Kofi was in a position where his back was turned and blu noticed a huge sweat stain that took over the back of his pants. Blu had her camera ready for him to behind over to see his ass in all its swampish glory until she heard a voice coming from behind her.

"Eexxccusse me!"

Blu almost had a heart and her camera was almost gonna drop out of her hand. She turned around and is face to face with Kenny..Kenny Erickson. The campus asshole who makes everyone around him annoyed by him. He looked at blu and her camera with a look of confusion. Blu held her camera tight and started to sweat bullets knowing she got caught by this jerkwad.

"Whatcha doin with that um...camera there. You out there taking pics of the players?" Kenny said with a grin on his face.

"W-well um, actually I was its for the um...PAPER! yes paper" Blu said hoping this prick would buy it but he just kept asking more questions.

"Hmmm, ya sure? looks like your taking pictures like a peeping tom. are you one of those perverts?"

Blu could feel her face getting hot and her palms sweating. She knew she was caught, Blu couldn't even muster up anything but a stutter. Then she tried one more lie to defend herself.

"L-look I swear it's just for paper. People love sports you know?" Blu gave a slight chuckle to try and throw him off.

"If that's true..lemme see the shots you took"

Blu started at him not being able to move or speak. Her camera wasn't cleared out yet with the pictures she took into her computer. She didn't want the people to know..she didn't want anyone to know. so she stood there. As she was standing there staring she felt a tug at her camera. As a reflex she pushes kenny full force onto the ground. Kenny landed on his butt into a mud puddle. Blu released what she had just done and there were people starting to come around the corner so she started to run away.

"THESE PANTS COSTS MORE THAN YOUR CAMERA YOU WEIRD BITCH!! GET BACK HERE!!!"

Blu kept running and didn't look back and before she knew it she was at her apartment. Thank goodness she only had one class today or else she would've had to miss the other ones. Numerous thoughts went through her head as she just stood in her apartment."Did he really see me take those pictures?" "Is he gonna tell anyone?" "Will I be kicked out?"

"Kicked out....dammit I hope I don't get kicked out. 该死该死该死该死.." Blu kept murmuring to herself in her native language stressing herself out until she remembered she had her camera in her hand still with the pictures on it. She turned it on to flip through the pictures she took. The pictures came out semi-great, a few were blurry and a couple were perfect. She got into her comfy clothes and started her work on trying to clear the blurry ones up so she can use them for "later things."

THE NEXT DAY

It was a free day for Blu she didn't have any classes she could stay in bed all day if she wanted too but she knew she had to go to the library to study so she wore a pink top and pants and put her hair up in a bun and went on her way. As she was making her way into the library she saw a familiar face near one of the bookcases..it was kenny and he was talking to that dude blu saw in her math class.

Kenny spotted blu and turned back to the big man leaning over to whisper to him something. Blu tried her best to ignore the stares they were giving her but she just couldn't just let that scare her away. She plopped down in a seat, pulled out her notes for one of her classes and started studying. Not even a few moments passed and she felt two people behind her, she knew who it was but kept her composure until a large hand grabbed the book making blu jump a little in her seat.

"Well well, look who's back. Taken any pictures lately?...Oh i forgot the players already left this morning."

Blu sat there red faced, she hoped this guy would've left her alone but i'm guessing he didn't want to and he brought that other dude with him. She started to keep an eye on the other dude not knowing what he was gonna do. Kenny took notice of that and chuckled to himself.

"Ooh it seems that you're staring at my jakey boy here, but I think you already know him. He says you were staring at him one day, is that true sweetheart?" Kenny said smugly waiting on blu to answer.

Blu couldn't think in that second, she knew she had been caught. Kenny noticed the fear in the girls eyes and felt bad until he remembered she ruined his pants yesterday.

"Ok ok, I'm not that heartless i'm not gonna tell anybody about your um..hobby but you do need to pay me for the pants."

"YES- i mean yes..i'll give you the money for your pants just don't tell anyone please..please I don't need this getting out"

Blu was desperate she didn't care how she would get the money for this jack-offs pants. Both males looked at each other then kenny laughed quietly. "Ok ok we have a deal but let's discuss this outside first." Both men headed outside and blu quickly followed. The men turned to a corner and blu continued to follow until they turned around to face her.

"Here's the deal,my pants cost $98.75 in exact change. You can make that easy money by ,drum roll please, eating my buddies ass right here."

Blu couldn't believe what she heard..she was gonna get this twats money back by eating his friends ass? really?

"H-huh?! what? how does that even work?"

"Oh my apologies lemme explain, you're gonna eat his ass the best you can, he gives you money, I get the money. Is this simple enough you mutt?"

Blu was stunned to speak..was this pimpin? was she being pimped out right now? She would always fantasize about eating a fat dude's ass but not in this way. She didn't even know the dude!

"Don't worry he's clean, might smell a little sour down there though. Big guy's been walking around campus with me since this morning so its probably like a swamp down there."

Jake started to put his hands on the wall in a pat-down position causing blu to look in his direction. She gulped nervous and looked back at Kenny giving him a worried and angry look.

"Oh dont worry I'll give you all some privacy. Have fun you too"

Kenny said leaving the area to chill on the other side leaving the two there in silence. Blu started to sneak away until she heard jake say something. "Oi, where you going?" The man spoke to blu shocking her because she had no idea that he could speak. When he spoke he had a little accent to his words and stared at blu waiting for her response.

"Look...you don't even have to eat it all the way...you can eat it through the underwear"

"Eat it through...your underwear? O-ok"

"See...making progress"

Blu started to walk behind him and crouched down now at butt height. Blu put her thumbs to the hims of the pants and pulled them down revealing sweaty yellow boxers. She could feel the heat coming off his butt and started to smell the scent of his butt. It wasn't horrible but it really smelt..musky with a hint of cologne. She got her face closer to his ass and started to smell it more, pushing her nose more between his ass cheeks. Jake looked down watching the small girl's head almost disappearing in his butt. She started to drown in his butt smell...it started making her..hungry.

Blu pulled back and spread his ass apart with the underwear still , opened her mouth and dove back in making the man jump a little. Though it was bare butt she was tasting she could still somewhat with the cloth making a barrier. It was like a salty taste, salty like vinegar and a little bitter. Jake was taken aback with how this girl was chowing down on his ass but it felt kinda nice to him. Having a warm tongue against his hole felt like a weird soggy massage. The slickness relaxed his butt so much that he felt a small fart slip out.

"Oh whoops...sorry about that"

Blu pulled back and coughed, even though the fart was small it stunk. Blu couldn't believe it, she was really eating some dudes ass for money but oh boy...she just wanted to keep going that fart just got her hot all over. Diving back in, blu seemed more animalistic and almost was motorboating this man's ass. All the licking and movement made more gas slip out smelling worse. Blu could feel her panties getting soaked and her mouth dribbling spit devouring his ass. Jake didn't really feel aroused from the anal pleasure, like before it just feels like a massage. Blu started to use a free hand and started to rub herself through her pants. Her pants started to look really damp and Jake looked back to see it too. Jake could see there was a huge wet patch on her pants and a crazy doe expression in her eyes.

Jake decided to have a little fun with this and pushed more farts onto the girl making her rub her crotch faster, seemed like she was close to cumming. Jake took it upon himself to make her cum a little faster and took his hand shoving her a bit further into his crack. His stomach grumbled and he let out a 5 second fart onto her nose causing blu to moan and the wet spot on her pants to spread. Blu pulled back, falling on her back with the same doe-expression.

Jake pulled up his pants, reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled $7.00 and laid it on her chest gently before walking away. Kenny seen jake come from the corner and started to smirk at the man.

"Soooooo, you let that bitch have. you shit on her" Kenny was hoping jake made her suffer a little but knowing jake kenny knew he still went a little easier on her.

"Naw...almost did though..if she kept going a little longer I definitely would've."

"Aww you suck, why are you so fuckin soft? she ruined my good pants remember?"

"Yea but aren't those pants like only $20.00"

"Yea yea I know, but she had ruined my good ass pants though. And with the money goal I set for her ass, I could buy more than one pair of these pants, You know they have different colors and a one with a chain-"

Before Kenny could continue on and on about some pants jake had already walked off leaving kenny looking like a madman.

The Next Day

Blu sat on her bed thinking to herself how was she gonna get the rest of this dudes money. She already had $7.00 from eating that big dudes ass and just needed a few more bucks. Blu promised herself that she wasn't gonna do something like that again and was probably gonna just sell some photos she took before online. Right now she had to put her head in the game and go to class. Like any other day she walks to campus praying that nothing was gonna happen until she stepped into the building to see Eddie speaking with a girl.

Eddie was wearing blue shorts and a white top with the college mascot on it. The girl and Eddie seemed to be flirting with one another but that didn't really matter to Blu all that much so she just kept going until she felt a hand on her shoulder. Blu quickly turned around to see Eddie smiling at her and the other girl walking away. Blu was confused on what he wanted and then he started talking.

"Hi there! you apart you uh a photography right? you apart of that class"

"Oh! um yea I am"

"Well I have one question for ya, were you taking pictures of the football field the other day? my buddy kofi says he seen you up at that little garden area with ya camera pointed to the field"

Blu could feel her heart drop into her stomach. She's used that spot dozens of times before and nothing came of it. She clears her throat and tries to respond cordially.

"No! oh no! you see I just pictures of the plants and other small wild life. I'm so sorry if I-it look like I was doing something else"

The big man gave a chuckle to blu and blu nervously smiled back hoping that this wouldn't spread into a rumor. She was about to turn to until she heard him speak again

"Oh another thing, my buddy also said he says you get into some little pull battle with kenny, you ok?"

"Oh yea! I'm fine just uh..er misunderstanding! yea a misunderstanding."

"Oh well i'm glad you're ok, I know kenny he can be a bit of a..dick sometimes."

Blu gave a nervous chuckle to Eddie, she's never been this close to him before. Hell she hasn't even spoken to this dude before all she's ever done is take pictures of his ass in various poses but now she's holding a conversation with him. Speaking of ass blu wanted to get a glimpse of it before she went to class.

So she started to tilt her head to the side slightly and could see it. She could barely see it but she could tell it was there and moving. Blu started to drift off until she realized she was still in front of him. Before she knew it eddie stopped talking and started at her back. Eddie behind himself and chuckled at blu knowing what she was trying to look at.

"Oh haha, you lookin at my butt?"

Blu stood there shocked and started to stammer causing an almost belly laugh from eddie

"Dude, its cool alot people stare at my ass, some people even think its fake haha. You can touch it if you want"

Saying that he turned around offering his butt to blu. This surprised blu..she's never been offenders anyone butt. Blu nervous backed away and gave a half smile.

"Oh i-I think i'm late for class, see ya" Blu said quickly walking the other way leaving eddie hanging and confused. Blu went straight into the bathroom and locked herself in a stall..she could feel herself getting wet. She wanted to try and calm herself down before class. She lowered her pants just a little and stuck her hands in her pants to give herself some relief.

Blu could feel her pussy throb in her hand. It was slick and warm, her clit even felt twice as sensitive while thinking about eddie's huge ass..wiggling..sweaty..musky. Blu could cum right in this stall at this rate until she heard the door swing open. She peeped through the crack of the door to see a giant figure hunched over one of the sinks. Blu fixed her pants, flushed the toilet and opened the door to see Eddie's friend,kofi, in the bathroom. It was shocking to see him in, not because he was man the school had unisex bathroom, but because he was just as big as Eddie upclose. Kofi looked at Blu with an annoyed look but that didn't last because he grabbed his gut and started to whimper.

"Are you...oka-"

"Get out"

Blu started at the big man holding his stomach and...told her to 'get out'. Blu was taken back by the words he said. She wanted to be sure she heard what he just said.

"Excuse me?!"

"Look I said get ou-, hgghh" Kofi couldn't even finish his sentence and grunted.

ppPPHHRRtttt...

A pitiful sounding fart filled the bathroom. Blu looked at the big man and kofi looked back at her with anger. Before he could open his mouth his stomach roared again and he held his cheeks together. He shoves Blu out of the way with his body accidentally letting some small fart fly out in the process.

Blu landed on her back causing her phone to fly out. Thankfully she caught it before it could land on the ground.

"FFFFLLuuurrrRRRRRPppppp..PLOOP"

More fart noises came from the stall Kofi ran in. Seems like he might've eaten something that didn't agree with him. The smell of sour shit started to go into Blu's nose. Blu was surprised at the smell but was more surprised at what it was doing to her. She could feel herself getting wet again listening to the man shitting bricks in the toilet. She reached in her pants again but was AGAIN interrupted but...by Kofi instead.

"Jesus christ, lady are you still fucking in here?!"

Blu panicked and got up quickly fixing her pants on the way to class. Her days were just getting worse and worse.

Couple Days Later

It's been quiet for a few days and Blu has gotten a few bucks since then. she's up to $34.67 now even though she needs 55.33 more dollars to get the complete total. Her selling pictures really did help her and she didn't run into the asshole kenny. She gleefully walked into the building with her camera ready to turn to take some pictures. Those couple days before she didn't take any pictures out of fear she'll get caught but she felt like it was safe enough to start doing it again. She could finally get new jerk-off material because the old ones didn't work anymore, which left her with only edging herself to old photos.

Blu walked out to the garden area to see if the football players were doing anything work out related and sure enough they were. She could feel herself excited for when Eddie and Kofi come out. Though she had kind of a bad experience with Kofi in the bathroom she can still look at him from a distance. Blu pointed her camera readily to the field waiting on them to walk by but only saw Eddie.

"Huh? where's kofi?" Blu said to herself. As she continually pointed to the field trying to find out where Kofi was a strong hand snatched her camera away causing blu to literally jump out of her skin. She didn't have any reaction time and the only reaction she did have was turning around to see who snatched her camera. Blu's blood ran cold when she saw Kofi was the one who snatched it with a laughing kenny on the side of him.

"So you're the one that's been watching us out on the fucking field. You fucking weirdo I knew someone was watching us."

"See I knew you weren't wrong Kofi, she's been the one that's been acting like a perving out raking picture and the one that ruined my pants!"

"Motherfucker I dont care about your dumbass pants, I care that some creep been using us as jerkoff materia-....wait I think I know you"

Blu was shaking when Kofi started to realize who she was. First she fucked up someone pants when she got caught and had to eat ass to get her started with some money and now she got caught again but someone that could easily whoop her ass.

"Yeeaaaaa...I fucking know you who you are..your that weird girl that decided you wanted to stay a little bit longer in the bathroom while I was shittin right?"

Blu felt like her organs were shutting down when some people started noticing the commotion. The whispers and stares were like daggers, it felt like the whole campus had figured her out..the true her is getting found out now. Blu just turned and ran away , far away from campus and all the way to her apartment. She didn't care that she left her camera or school bag she just wanted to be at home.

Her reputation was down the drain, she wanted to drop out right now. Dropping out seemed like a better option but she knew she couldn't so for the time being she just made up an excuse that she had caught a servera stomach bug.

Two Days Later

It's been two days since Blu went to school, she hasn't even been outside at all. Around this time it was a week before her period..she was craving something spicy. Everyone knows when your craving something days or a week before you period its a strong craving. Blu decided to go out to the local mall and try some of those spicy garlic wings.

So she put on a hat, mask and shades to head on out to the mall. Since the mall was pretty far away she drove there. Before she drove off she sat in her car to pray hoping that today was gonna be a great day. To her it didn't have to be great it could just be ok as long as she doesn't run into certain people.

After a few minutes of driving she finally made it to the mall. The mall seemed pretty busy like it always was. The mall was huge having at least 4 floors with different stores on each one it was a popular mall to go to. Blu made sure her disguise made her look hidden enough before going out. She decided to take her shades off but kept her hat and mask on.

Blu missed being outside so much and missed going to the mall so much more. Entering the mall that mall-smell instantly hit Blu with relaxation. Everything from the food court smell, to the indoor fountain and to the chattering of people made Blu's stress go away. Her mouth was ready for some spicy wings but to her surprise it wasn't around the corner like it usually was. Turns out they moved 2 floors up and this area was gonna be for some dumb perfume shop.

"好吧 狗屎...guess I gotta up these floors"

Blu would've taken the escalator but they were under repair so the only option was the elevator. Nothing really bad happens on a elevator right?

As Blu was walking towards the area that held the elevator she saw 4 familiar faces come into her view. It was Kenny, Eddie, Jake and Kofi. They didn't seem to notice blu which gave blu hope that they might not notice her. She put her mask up and pulled her hat down and quickly walked to the elevator doors. She practically pressed the button a thousand times to hurry it up. When the doors opened she jumped in as the group of men walked past.

As the doors were closing Blu felt her relaxation come back to her.....until she saw a giant hand grab the elevator door to make it open again. Kofi appeared to be coming through the elevator along with Eddie and Jake.Kenny stayed on the ground floor for whatever reason which was okay for blu. Blu backed into the corner of the elevator to hide herself more and it sort of worked. though it was big enough to fit at least 12 people, these men would count as a crowd of people. The men seemed not to pay her any mind, blu felt like she could stay hidden.

GuuRRgglrree....

A stomach growl made Blu's head jerk up. "Is that what I think it is?..." Blu thought to herself, it couldn't be what she thought it was.

"Joder… esto realmente me revuelve el estómago…" Jake said holding his stomach catching the attention of kofi.

"Yo man, if you need to shit hold that in. Don't nobody need to smell that" Kofi said with annoyance. He was somewhat right with that statement expect for Blu, she was kinda curious on what it smelled like. She already smelled Jake's sweaty ass one time and even ate from it. Thinking about that got Blu hot and bothered again. Let's not forget she's a week away from her period which means the horniness she was feeling was coming 10x harder.

As kofi was chewing his buddy out on him for holding in he started to notice Blu in the corner. Kofi stared at the girl trying to figure out why she felt so familiar. Blu backed into the corner again trying to hide herself but she couldn't back any further into the corner. Eddie started to notice Kofi approaching the woman in the corner not knowing it was Blu.

"Dude, get back a little bit. Do you even know this girl"

"Ed man listen I feel like I know this chick, she feel really famili-"

PPprrrtTTtt!

A loud squeaky fart erupted from the corner that jake was standing at causing everyone to look that way. Jake looked like he was sweating bullets and was breathing like he was gonna give birth. Eddie and Kofi coughed while holding their noses. It smelled like watered down spoiled milk.

"Christ man! what I just tell you about that"

"Lo siento amigo...just couldn't hold it"

Both Eddie and Kofi were still coughing and pulling their shirts over their noses. Kofi started to take notice of Blu's reaction, she didn't cough or hold her nose she looked to be enjoying it. Like she was really enjoying it even taking some huffs in on purpose. Before Kofi could say anything a sharp pain hit him in the stomach, like a lot of air pressure. Blu took notice of the noises coming from Kofi, and tried to scooch over to the other side of the elevator but felt a hand rip off her mask.

"I knew it! I knew you were that weirdo from the other! Have you been stalking us you sick fuck?! See Ed I told you I kne- HnngH?!"

"BbBbrrpPLLlprrrTTt...PpRootT?!"

Kofi was surprised that something like that came from his ass. He knew his farts stunk sometimes but not this bad and that pressure in his stomach wasn't really letting up.

"Y-you like this don't you fucking weird bitch huh?" Kofi said with an angry look at Blu while she was panicking and felt a little horny. Her hormones were so out of whack that she could probably cum without even touching herself. Eddie was worried for both of his friends, he had no idea what was going on and what got their stomach upset. Then he remembered..before they got into the elevator they ran into Kenny and he brought them some lunch. Some tacos and burritos but they tasted a little funny but kenny reassured them it was just some new sauce they were trying out.

Just then Eddie stomach started to act up and it even almost brought him to his knees until his phone rang. It looked like kenny was calling him, finally he could probably get some answers.

"Sooo hows that 'new sauce' treating yall up in there?" Kenny said practically laughing through the phone.

"So I wasn't crazy, you did put something in our food. Your bitch ass wasn't trying to be nice hnnggh oh god...why man?"

"Well since you asked so nicely, you see that girl in there? that one that looks like a cruddy inspector gadget?"

Eddie looks at the girl that kofi was still angrily yelling face turning beet red. He remembers that girl, he ran into her on campus one day discussing with her about kenny and what he did but didn't really know the full story. Let's get this straight, the three buds aren't exactly friends but they dealt with him from time to time. They never believed what he said most of the time but this time Eddie wanted hear him out.

"Yea? why? look man just leave us out of your plan"

Just then the elevator shook and stopped. Shockingly, the elevator stopped between floors.

"Oh fuck- Please don't tell me what I think happened??"

"Well I won't tell you yall are stuck in that elevator with some pervert who was taking pictures of yall. I'll just hang out here finding some shirts that match. Oh and by the way..kinda sort of knew that elevator was gonna do that just didn't wanna tell yall buh bye~"

Kenny hung up on Eddie with not a care in the world knowing he didn't have to deal with smelling like shit. Blu started to get really nervous now so she just faced the corner. This is a fantasy she always wanted but she was also scared that she might suffocate in this elevator.

"H-hey! you fucking pervert why you trying to hide now. Th-this is your dream right?" Kofi said grabbing Blu by the arm to make her face him. Blu started to struggle out of his grip mushed him in his face to make him back up.

"LISTEN!!-...Im not a perv ok..I just..like taking pictures"

“Don’t f-forget hnng..you ate my ass too” Jake said letting off some small farts out while trying to keep a smirk on his face. Eddie was shocked to hear this from his friend. He didn’t seem like he was the freaky type nor Blu.

“So…Kofi was right?!”

“Ofcourse I was jackass!! Hnng why would I lie??”

Eddie was really shocked, he thought Kofi was having one of those hunches. He realizes now that he was right about this but he couldn’t understand how a pretty girl like Blu would be so nasty.

Blu felt like she was gonna loose her mind but was scared to death that Kofi would probably kill her and not in a fetishy way either. She watched as the big men groaned and yelped with ever fart that came out. Blu could almost feel her pussy drip and Kofi started to take notice again of her reaction so he wanted to give in and see her reaction.

“You must really be enjoying yourself huh?? You sick fucking hgnn bitch.” Kofi said trying to maintain eye contact with Blu. The smell was starting to suffocate Blu a bit that she started to cover her nose a bit.

“Hey now��don’t you dare cover your nose..this is your fantasies right?? You’re gonna smell this you weird bitch.” Kofi grabbed her face to make her face him and started to grunt.

“PpppRrrrRRbbbRRrrrrtttttTT!?”

“BrrbBrbrBRRRrrrrrrtttTtttt..PrrTt!”

“BrRroOoOott..ssSRPPTt”

That last fart sounded a little wet causing Kofi to let go of Blu’s face and grabbed his butt to not let anymore gas out, he didn’t want to ruin his pants. It smelt like rotten eggs and sulfur, causing everyone to gag and cough. Blu herself knew the smell was awful but it awful in a good way. She could start to feel her pussy throbbing and her knees buckling.

Kofi grabbed on her face again and looked over at Jake wallowing in the corner of the elevator holding his stomach.

“Hey amigo! Turn around, search style I think this little freak right here has the munchies again”

Jake stared at Kofi but did as he said. Kofi started to dragging Blu over to Jake so she gets a face full of his ass. Blu started to tell him wait but in the back of her mind she wanted her face up his ass again. Eddie got inbetween Kofi and Jake trying to stop whatever he was doing.

“Eddie move”

“No”

“Eddie stop trying to save this perv”

“Hold that thought”

Kofi gave a confused look to Eddie. Eddie usually is the good guy or desolator and it seemed like he wanted to do something else.

“She’s already been up Jake’s ass, so put her in mine”

“What?? Really?” Kofi was shocked by Eddies answer but he could tell by the smirk on Ed’s face that he wanted to punish Blu for taking pictures of them or anybody else for that matter. Eddie switched place Jake and Blu started to get a little scared, she had no idea how Eddies ass smelt like or taste like. Blu tried to pull Kofi’s hand off but he was stronger than her.

"W-wait! I thought you were one of the n-nicer ones??!"

"Oh, I am...but I can also be pretty mean too when I encounter liars. Don't worry though it'll be quick and easy...just relax"

Ed gave Blu a smile but not just any smile a more villainous smile..like a snake watching their prey walk dumbly towards them. Kofi took his foot and lightly, not very lightly, kicked the backs of Blu's knees to bring her down to Ed's butt height. It was a lot bigger up close, and even gave off a little heat.

"Oh! just before you put your head in there lemme just.." Eddie proceeded to pull his pants down, he was wearing underwear but it looked like the bikini kind. It looked like his butt was practically eating his underwear, hungry for something more. Blu felt intimidated from his ass until Kofi grabbed the back of her head and shoved her face in his butt. His butt scent filled her nose quickly, it smelt like cheese and a bog. Blu let out a muffled yelp and tried to pull back but Kofi kept her head in place, he wanted her to huff all the fumes that settled In his friend's crack.

"PpppPprrttt!.."

"Mmph!?"

"PPpPPrrrBbbrrttt...BBbrrTTTt?!"

"MMpph..cough..Mph!"

Blu's lungs felt like they burned, her eyes were watering with all the gasses passing through her system. Her pussy started to throb again, since only her head was held by Kofi her hands were basically free. Blu started to slide one of her hands down her pants. She could feel her pussy was so flooded with her juices on her fingers.

"Wow..you're seriously touching yourself to this? you are some sick freak" Kofi said putting her head a little further up Eddie's farting ass. Ed's stomach made a deep dropping sound signaling there were more farts. Eddie looked down at Blu's face, she looked too high off his ass to care what was coming out next.

"BBbbrrRRRPPpttttTTTtt...SLRrppt-"

A rancid shit smell went into Blu's nose and caught her off guard. It had a strong scent and was really squishy against her nose but she kept fingering herself faster..she was close. However she was pulled back from his butt. Seems like he didn't mean to push that hard because as soon she left his ass he grabbed the back of his ass, groaning in disgust and semi-relief.

"Damn dude..did you just shit yourself? cough cough"

"Querido dios, hombre..that smells worse than mine"

Both Jake and Kofi were overwhelmed by the smell until their stomachs made the same deep dropping sound that eddie's did earlier. Kofi looks down at a Blu who was still looking like a deer in the headlights and then got an idea.

"Hey guys..I got an idea but first lemme just-" Kofi dragged Blu to the middle of the elevator. Jake and Eddie realized what they were gonna do to this girl now. Blu was starting to get off some of her high and started to see how all three men were now standing above her really close...then they started to turn around. She was now surrounded by three huge asses she's taken pictures for half of the semester. Her face was engulfed by Kofi's ass, Jake's ass was on the side of her head and Eddie's ass was on the other side of her head. Another bubbly stomach growl filled the space again and then..

"FRRrrrRRRRSSSSTTtttt"

"PPBbBBRRRTTTTTTT?!"

"PPSSsssSSSHHHHHHRRRrrrtt"

"BRrroooOOTT!"

"SspprRRRTTT..PRRRRTTTttttt!"

Blu's senses were overrun by the sound and smell of farts. They were a lot wetter than before, especially Eddie's butt. She could feel his shit spread on the the side of heard a lot more as he continued to fart more, thankfully he still had on underwear. It seemed like Eddie wasn't gonna be the only one with shitty pants though. Blu started to a small squishy pudge on her nose and it started to grow.

"HnnGg..oh fuck~ you like that don'tcha Mgghn..you like me shitting your face?~" Kofi said pushing out more farts along with shit into his pants on Blu's face. Blu's hand was still in her pants, somehow she completely forgot and started to get back to business. Blu pulled out her fingers, slapped her clit and squirted into her pants and fingers. She started to hear warmth and hear crackling on the other side of her head, seemingly Jake shat himself too. His shit felt like a liquid more than a solid.

Blu took her hand out of her and groped at kofi's butt while diving deeper into his ass sniffing it. The amount of gas and shit filled the elevator could kill an elephant, hell it was starting to even get the men sick a little. She turned her head to sniff in Eddie's butt now while still groping at Kofi's butt. Blu's brain started to go overboard and her body couldn't handle it anymore. She wanted more and she didn't care that she was on the brim of blacking out. Just then the elevator kicked back on surprising the men while Blu was in the mists of blacking out.

"Aw fuck I forgot we were in this elevator"

"Mierda, what are we gonna do now. Our pants are ruined now"

The elevator doors opened and all three of them practically ran out from the scene leaving the girl to lay face down on the elevator floor. Thankfully there weren't a lot of people on that particular floor but the people that were there could smell something so awful in the air that they had to turn around. As people were turning around and leaving the area here came the master mind behind this all..it was kenny.

Kenny came prepared because he was wearing a gas mask. He walks into the elevator to see poor Blu on the floor, pants wet with a lobotomized look in her eyes. Trust, blu was still conscious but not fully there. She could still move her eyes, she spotted kenny standing over her and even with the gas mask on she could tell he had a smirk on his face.

"Sooo....how'd you like it? didn't know they'd all shit themselves so that was an extra surprise for ya." Kenny said snickering as he lightly kicked the girl to see if she'll answer. All blu could do was breathe and watch him stand over her until he started to crouch closer to the girl

"Just so you know....I don't need your cash anymore kinnndddaaa lied about the pants price but like at least you could experience your favorite fantasy but you can still give me the cash if you want."

All blu could do was still lay there looking at the man wanting to kick him but she didn't have the energy. Kenny figured he couldn't really just leave her there so he grabbed both of her ankles to drag her out and sat her up on a bench to look like she was just resting. Before he could leave though, he pulled out some cologne from his pocket to spray her with. She did smell like death so this was his way of doing a half-assessed sorry to her.

With a couple of sprays she smelled...okay? she didn't smell as bad anymore so kenny just left without a care in the world while leaving Blu halfway awake on the bench, safe but still semi-blacking out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok whew! this seems like one of the longest stories I've written. this has been in the works for maybe days or like a week. I genuinely hope you all like it 😭, if I see mistakes I might make some changes. Thanks everyone. Also if you can't tell I have put onomatopoeias, I'm currently trying to do something new.

[meanbossart]

After seeing your shart/star/drow drawing from a while ago, I was wondering what your interpretation of Drow and Astarion's views on monogamy are? For Astarion, it seems that fandom views vary from "he's completely okay with open relationships" to "he's lying about being okay with it because he's scared you'll leave him" so I'm curious what your thoughts are!

My immediate reaction to seeing the dialogue about Halsin was, definitely, "Oh, he's full of shit", and hence that's what stuck for my personal interpretation of Astarion. Hopefully it goes without saying that other folks can do whatever they want though, and the day you see me complain about Tav/Halsin/Astarion content shoot me dead because I have most certainly been body-snatched. Or just become a massive party pooper. Either way I will be living a miserable existence and you should put me out of my misery.

I do love my little pointy-eared parade, and think their friendship is very intimate - alas, Shadowheart is definitely just a friend and never a third party in the romance. The Astarion I write is definitely one who, given his history, just wants someone to be exclusive to and vice-versa. He isn't particularly jealous or possessive but, at least in ANE he would be at a point where if the subject ever came up he would voice his discontent about it.

Luckily, DU Drow is, for all his flaws, an extremely devoted person and borderline wired to "mate for life" lol so he has no interest in pursuing sex or romance with anyone else and likely never will.

It's not entirely out of the question that they would pull a third into the mix for one night or something at some point, just for fun, but that's very much outside both their levels of comfort in ANE and likely for the foreseeable future.

[astarionfreak]

10 w shart and astarion. Uncommon pairing but it could be interesting??????

Immediately yes. Big yes. Thank you !! This was supposed to be way shorter and way smuttier but it spiraled out of control. Oops. 🖤🩸

10. "You don't have to stay the night. Just fuck me."

Snippet for the smut ask game. | Other answers here

One foolish move in the heat of battle and everyone knew the truth. That Astarion was a vampire.

They took it . . . surprisingly well, actually. Gale warned him not to bite (as if), Lae'zel threatened his life -- but Shadowheart, well. The cleric had been kind -- or stupid -- enough to offer her blood. What kind of vampire would Astarion be if he turned down a free meal?

Besides, even though her attacks seemed to miss more often than not, her healing spells had proven to be quite the asset. If she'd allow him a taste from her delicate veins, perhaps she would also be willing to remain at his side when he faced Cazador. This little exchange could be well worth his time. If he played his cards right.

Astarion waited until the others were asleep before he made his way through camp to Shadowheart's tent. He had been so sure of himself just moments ago, but now he hesitated as he reached for the flap. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

There was still time to turn around -- hunting in these woods was miserable, but he usually had some level of success. He'd eaten worse things than boar. He'd been hungrier for longer too.

Astarion shuffled his feet as he started to turn around, making more noise than intended. Shadowheart must have heard him. Her heartbeat quickened. Astarion's mouth began to water at theb mere thought of the promise she'd made.

Shit. He really was going to do this wasn't he? He put on his best smile and ducked into her tent.

Shadowheart sat up on her forearms. Perfect body laid out in front of him. For him.

His eyes went to her neck, the gentle movement of her pulse just beneath her tender flesh. Then his gaze dragged along her body, slowly drinking her in. Her camp clothes hugged her figure in all the right places.

"I was beginning to think you'd found a better offer," Shadowheart whispered.

"Ah. No." Astarion laughed quietly as he gracefully dropped to his knees in front of her. "Lae'zel already threatened my life twice today. I don't fancy my chances with Karlach at her current . . . temperature. And there is something distinctly wrong with Gale's blood. I got an unpleasant whiff during that fight with the spiders."

"Wyll, then?" Shadowheart sat up completely and pressed closer to Astarion. She smelled faintly of incense.

Astarion swallowed thickly. Trying to ignore the desire to forgo niceties and just sink his teeth into her throat. "As charming as I'm sure he finds me, I do believe I would be wasting my time trying to convince the Blade of Frontiers to offer himself up to a vampire."

"And here I was, believing I was special when all the while I was merely a last resort," Shadowheart said.

Astarion found it difficult to tell how much of what she said was her searching for the truth and how much was just meant to tease.

"Darling," he purred. "You are anything but a last resort. Surely you're well aware of your allure." Astarion placed a hand on her shoulder, when she didn't flinch or pull away, he pushed her onto her back and settled himself on top of her.

Shadowheart's heart was positively racing. Her eyes blew wide with desire. Her breath caught in her throat when she spoke. "I'm only joking, Astarion. You don't need to use that voice on me."

"What voice?" Astarion asked playfully, slotting a leg between her thighs. This was almost too easy, really. For a woman with so many secrets, she'd truly given herself away to him.

"You know precisely which voice I'm talking about." Shadowheart licked her lips, eyes searching his face.

Astarion pouted, staring down at her with a sly smile. "I can't say I do," he purred. "This is the only voice I have."

"Then just shut up and feed." Shadowheart rolled her eyes.

Astarion nestled his face in the curve he her neck, lips brushing over her throat as he spoke. "Are you comfortable? This may . . . hurt a little."

"I can handle pain. Do it, Astarion."

Astarion wasted no more time. His teeth sank into her neck with a faint pop. Blood rushed into his mouth.

He hardly had time to register the sound of her moan before the rest of the world faded away. Only her blood, her breath, her life remained. And she had chosen to share it with him. A precious gift.

Astarion had never tasted anything as perfect as this. As her. He drank in desperate, needy gulps. His hand instinctively cradeling her head as she writhed beneath him. Even through his blood-drunk gaze Astarion could taste her arousal.

Shadowheart grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his skin as he drank. Her hips jerked up, seeking contact with his thigh. He allowed her that much, let her rut against his body like a bitch in heat as he drank.

"Astarion." Shadowheart's grip on his arm tightened. She was struggling to catch her breath. "Astarion, that's enough."

Her words managed to reach him despite his euphoria. "Shit -- sorry, I -- I got carried away," Astarion said.

"Shut up and kiss me." Shadowheart grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down into a bruising kiss.

The blood on his lips and chin smeared on her face. Astarion only broke the kiss to lick at the mess on her lips.

"That was . . . unexpected," Astarion whispered, nipping at her lower lip.

"You're not really surprised, are you?" Shadowheart asked.

"I suppose not completely surprised. Though this isn't exactly what I pictured when you offered your blood." Astarion leaned back to study her face.

Is this what she wanted? Clearly. Is this what he wanted? Why not?

"How unfortunate. Your imagination must be severely lacking," Shadowheart teased.

"I promise I can be quite imaginative when it counts." Astarion ground his hips down, pressing his half-hard length against her thigh.

"Prove it," Shadowheart said.

They kissed again. Another bruising, needy kiss shared between two people who knew their futures were uncertain.

"And if the others wake to find me in your tent? I'm sure they'd have a lot to say on the topic," Astarion whispered against her lips.

Shadowheart huffed out an annoyed sigh. "You don't have to stay the night. It's best for both of us if you just fuck me and leave."

"Ah, when you put it like that it does sound like a rather good offer," Astarion purred. "Do try not to keep it down though. Let's give them something to gossip about tomorrow."

[martyana-summers-official]

SICK COMF0RT FIC WITH ME x MORT 😍😍😍😍

@nerflufser @cardinalcoureblog

Here ya go ya babies. Google Docs link for anyone who prefers that format!

Court dry heaved, his limp body slung lazily over the bathtub. The bathroom reeked of hurl and dollar store shampoo as Court grabbed the bottle and squeezed it down into the disgusting pile on the bathtubs floor.

“I can’t believe this…” he muttered as he gagged and threw up again, his shampoo bottle clattering loudly on the cold tile below. 

As Court remained on the bathtubs edge, the door creaked open, and a deep, british accented voice spoke softly. 

“Love- are you okay?” 

Court turned around slowly to see his tall, built, british poet boyfriend of a man- Mort, standing in the doorway. 

Mort was unlike any man Court has ever seen. And he’s seen his fair share of submissive rizzlers and dominant alphas. But Mort- Mort was different. He was tall. Six whole feet of pure Mort. His skin was a bright shade of yellow that Sunflowers wilted their petals out of jealousy. He had the physique of a stereotypical History teacher that worked out each week and had the voice of a British poet so angelic people’s attempts at speaking crumbled into incohesive sentences and drool in the matter of seconds. He smelled of parchment and bread, and had the talent to create the most captivating and inspiring Haiku’s in eight seconds or less. 

He walked over and knelt behind Court as he held his shoulders.

“No…” Court muttered as he dry heaved into the tub. Mort grabbed his waist to steady him. “Shhh~” He calmed. He ran his rough and warfm hands over Courts back.

“Did you eat something?” 

Court shook his head no as he rested his head on the cold ceramic bathtub edge. “God I feel like shit though…” He groaned.

Mort sighed in Courts ear as he got up slowly. Court whined quietly to himself as he felt Morts warmth leave.

After a few seconds, he returned with a glass of water. “Sip slowly.” He said as he handed it to Court. 

Court grabbed the cup, the glass cold to the touch. He brought the rim to his lips and let the cool liquid run down his burning throat.

Mort dragged his hands lovingly over Courts back and sighed.

“You’re so warm- do you have a fever?”  

“Probably” Court coughed out, the taste of phlem and snot slipped up the back of his throat, forcing him to uncomfortably hack. 

Without warning Mort scooped Court up into his arms. His unnaturally Popeye built muscles cradled Courts fragile and ill-stricken body with the grace of one thousand ballet dancers taught under the skill of Marsh. 

Court didn’t complain- he couldn’t. He was overtaken with the blissful remembrance of a lovers warmth and the sweet feeling of protection washed over him like a pollution-enduced heatwave. Court kept his eyes closed as he attempted to rest, despite the churning of his stomach and the pitiful cough from his lungs. 

Soon he was placed into the silk sheets of a large and felt the mattress dip under his weight. 

“Get some rest, songbird.” Mort mumbled as he left a small kiss on Courts burning forehead and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. “Soups on the way.” The lights shut off in the room and the loud thud of heavy feet soon turned into a calming peck in their kitchen as the clanking of metal and the smell of chicken broth lulled our sick Court to sleep. 

This was such a fun shitwrite, hope you two shart sniffers enjoy >:)

[linaselandbasil]

HAHA, nerds! (Working title)

CHAPTER 2

(Bloodweave University au)

AO3 link, link to chapter 1

...

"Ugh, my nail broke! How does that even happen!" Astarion complained to Shadowheart literally immediately as she got into his car.

"I have no clue. I have never seen you work. Ever." She threw her backpack on the backseat and buckled up. "So, your place?"

"Yeah." He pulled out of the parking lot of the comic parlor and drove towards the nearest Wc Deepalds. "What do we order?"

"Fries, bunches. And a milkshake. And ice cream."

"We have ice cream at home."

"It's not the same, I assure you!" Shart said, crossing her arms. "Whatever, It's not like papa Caz is letting you eat any of it."

"Yeah, it's for guests, and you are a guest, so eat the fucking ice cream at home!" Astarion drove a little faster, unintentionally of course, he's a lawyer by trade, he's not a fan of being sued. Not a good look.

"You're unbearable!"

"So are you. But we're friends, so I'll forgive you." Astarion said with no hint of theatrics in his voice. A rare occurrence.

"Likewise."

After a bit of silence they arrived at the drive through and Astarion rolled his window down.

"Welcome to Wc Deepalds, what can I get you?"

"Can I get a ummmmmmm iced coffee and two large fries, annddddd ummmm... Shart what do you want?"

"Ice cream with caramel sauce, an oreo shake and garlic sauce... For the fries." She, of course, crawled into Astarions lap to lean out the window, even though she really didn't need to.

"Alright, is that all?"

"Yes, thank you." The pale elf said, shoving his worstie back into the passanger seat and driving to the next window where they spent a few minutes waiting. "Of course a little goblin like you would know the menu of this... mistakenly popular establishment. I congratulate you on your VIP ticket to heart failure."

"Thank you, I appreciate it." The window opened and Astarion was handed a warm, delicious smelling paper bag of fatty liver disease. He paid with his papa Cazador money and drove away.

Shadowheart said "Gimme that." And took the bag of fast food. She dug right into her ice cream.

"Bon appetit, my friend."

"Thanks."

"Youre very welcome." He took a sip of his coffee.

"Hey what's up with that bearded guy you asked out? D'he text you yet?"

"Yes. About 30 minutes after I left the store. Eager." Astarions apartment is not far from them by now, they can see it in the distance. A sad beige building with several floors full of annoying neighbors.

"You like them when they're enthusiastic, don't you."

"I do, and what about it? I prefer to know that my partners enjoy themselves!"

Shart sighed. "Such a politically correct gentleman you are."

He nearly choked on his coffee trying to speak his next words. "I AM! And beautiful! Not enough people mention that." He parked his car, got out and began marching to the enterance without waiting for his esteemed guest.

She managed, carrying her gym bag and the Wc Deepalds goodies in her hands of holding. Astarion climbed the stairs with her following not far behind, he took out his keychain, which had about a dozen charms and was attached to one of those things that let you put it around your neck.

"Make yourself at home, darling."

"I will." She took her shoes off at the entrance before the pale elf put her head on a stick for it. "So, I was thinking dark makeu-"

"SAVE. IT. FOR. THE. CAMERA." He put his coffee down on the counter.

"Sheesh, okay." She plopped down on the couch. "Ugh, I don't know how long I can take working at that place."

"What was it this time."

"Just the usual neckbeard business. If we banned the customers that 'flirted' with me we'd be going out of business unfortunately. Can I have a drink?"

"But of course, dear." He opened the fridge and poured her a tall glass of delicious orange juice. Yummy.

"I was thinking of a more age restricted substance."

"We can drink after filming."

"Good... You know what, I'm taking a nap, you go ahead and do the camera things."

"Yeah, good idea. Sweet dreams!" She curled up on the couch and began lightly snoring in about 6 minutes. Astarion could never, he has horrible things to remember and he only finds a gap in his schedule for them right before bedtime.

He quietly went to his bedroom to get started setting everything up.

...

"Do you think this one's better?" Asked Gale, showing a picture on his phone to Wyll. "Or this one." He swiped left.

"I'm not sure, they're both very elegant. Is there a specific dress code? Like, a color scheme?" Wyll was not the best person to ask about this sort of thing, but he is the only person Gale was willing to talk to about it.

"I'm not sure, I can ask him tho."

"Do that, but don't tell him about what your outfit will be, trust me he'll love a surprise!" He tried to reassure the wizard with a smile but it went unnoticed, since the man in question was ferociously typing a message to his future husband and possibly father to their children.

The cafeteria was not busy, people are cooped up in their dorms studying and eating takeout. A shame, honestly, they're serving pizza today.

"Oh my weave he texted back!"

"What did he say?"

"Dark colors, preferably, but I won't get kicked out unless I look underdressed."

"Good thing you have no shortage of wizardly robes."

"True that.... I think I'll wear the purple one."

"Robe of summer? Good choice." He said, glass of water in hand. "I'm almost jealous, I do miss balls, but I don't miss the kids of people who attend them."

"Right, I forgot you were once a well coiffed little noblemanlet! You blend right in with the rest of us common folk!" He put his phone in his pocket but right as he was about to forget about it, he received another message. "It's him...."

"What is it about?" Gale read it, and turned a little red.

'It matters to me very little what wrappings are on a gift, all I care about is what's underneath.'

"Well, it could be interpreted in two different ways, I'm not sure what he really meant.." Gale showed his friend the text.

"I think... If you were to take offense to his boldness, he'd say he didn't mean it like that to not make you uncomfortable, but he definitely meant it like that!" He took a bite of his pizza, it's growing cold.

"That's smart." Gale took a deep breath and started typing. He then changed his mind and deleted all the letters, he could do better. He then literally typed out the exact same sentence.

'Well, it's quite impolite to give a gift without wrapping isn't it? Unwrapping is part of the fun!'

"Wyll my heart is pounding, I don't know how people do this whole dating thing casually..."

"I believe in you, you will persevere!"

"I hope you're correct." He got another notification.

"ITS A P-" He realized he was yelling and stopped, he calmly began anew. "He sent me a picture..."

"Open it." Wyll was very invested in this love story that he was merely an observer of. Gale opened the message, it was a picture of a camera setup.

"I was worried it would be a more anatomical image." Said Wyll.

"I doubt he'd do that. He seems more refined." Gale remembered he had pizza so he took a big bite as he thought of something to write. Another message came in the meantime.

'I neglected to mention but I do have an adorable side hustle of doing makeup on youtube~'

'No need, I recognized you.'

'That's cute. But I am going to be quite busy for the next few hours, you go ahead and enjoy your night darling'

'I will, thank you!'

Gale put his phone down. "Dear gods..." He breathed deep. "Wyll I think he put a spell on me!"

"I thought an evocation major would have noticed by now." Wylls pizza was long devoured, so he took to eating the suspiciously healthy looking salad they gave him.

"Or maybe I- He's just- hmmgh..." He bit into his slice of pizza once again. "I don't know, but he did something to me for certain!"

"You know, I think maybe you should worry less about it. He asked you out so he's clearly interested!"

"Stellar advice... I'm going back to dorm. Bye!" He took his tray to the tray receptacle (whatever it may be I hadn't been in a school cafeteria in a while) and dramatically went back to his building.

...

"Shart..." Poke. "Shaaart." Poke. Poke. "Jenevelle Hallowleaf, you wake up immediately or face my fury!"

"It's been at most 3 minutes, stop it!" He kept poking her. "Cease!" She sat up and grabbed Astarion.

"AGH! UNHAND ME YOU BASTARD!" She gave him the full sibling experience and slapped him with his own hand. "Stop hitting me!"

"Stop hitting yourself!" She chuckled and let go of him. He immediately stood up and smoothed his clothes out. "You changed?"

"Surely you didn't think I'd be recording the video in pajamas."

"You're right, going to the street in them was nowhere near as embarrassing." She said, stretching. "Let's get this done, I want to drink already."

"Yes, let's."

...

Gale tried on every fancy wizardly robe he has, the blue one, the yellow one, the other blue one, the purple one, he can't decide. He never even wears these, he's been living in sweats ever since he moved out of his mom's magic tower!

"I think you look quite dashing in this one Mr. Dekarios!"

"I don't feel very dashing." He admitted, looking at himself in the mirror he hexed to float.

"Maybe shaving would help."

"I'm certain it wouldn't. Maybe I ought to brush my hair." He held his hand out and a comb flew to him. He ran it through his glorious mane.

"Wash it." Tara jumped on the desk to see better. "You live like you're invisible, I'm surprised that this Asterion noticed you!"

"Ah-STAR-ion."

"Yes him, he has an eye for fixer uppers." She laid down on his laptop, sprawling out like it was the nicest pillow she ever touched. "Put your earring on too. And cologne!"

"Great idea... When Mystra-"

"I don't want to hear her name from your mouth." She headbutted him. "When is he picking you up?"

"Tomorrow at 8 i think, ill have to check."

"Then you have time until tomorrow to get yourself into shape, you will be fine. OH, why don't you put your hat on?"

"You said it would ruin my hair." He snapped his fingers and it appeared in the air above him.

"Well, I changed my mind, I think it goes very nicely with these robes!"

"Very well." The hat floated down to his head, crowning him the king of rizzards. "It does look good, thank you for the suggestion."

"Great, now that the outfit is decided on, go rest! Tomorrow is a big day."