#his trauma is so important to me i need yall to understand this

[fablexdreams]

"That's your prize, that's your prize," and its just eternal youth and a lifetimes worth of loneliness, nightmares, and regret.

Hey, so...y'all remember when this song was trending everywhere on TikTok a hot minute ago and everyone knew it? ...yeah, haha...I made this then. Why am I posting it now, and on here, you ask? Cause I leave things in my drafts and get so busy with work and writing that I forget about them until weeks, or even sometimes months, later, and I missed my opportunity to make Fable famous on tt again, so i figured you guys could enjoy the rotten fruits of my expired labour. Anyway, like I said, this is outdated asf, but I was genuinely proud of it and think it ended up looking pretty cool, and I still think of Reaver every time I hear the song, so hopefully yall will forgive me for my appalling transgressions and enjoy my first real exploit into digital collages lmaoo.

[moldy-flowers]

The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...

[asbestos-boy-68]

we need to talk about how yall are treating mephone after ii15.

some of you clearly don’t understand his character and it’s driving me INSANE.

“i hate mephone after ii15!! he’s a heartless monster!!! he doesn’t care about anyone!!!”

so. did we watch the same show orrrr..?

because one of the BIGGEST, most IMPORTANT parts of mephone’s character is that he SUPPRESSES EVERYTHING and AVOIDS HIS PROBLEMS AT ALL COSTS.

it’s almost like there was a whole episode dedicated to mephone’s repressed trauma! it’s almost like the second half of iii literally spelt this out for us! did yall just not watch the show orrrrr?

“but what about him just not caring when mepad quit the show!??!!?!” reread what i just wrote real quick.

mephone AVOIDS HIS PROBLEMS.

if anything, the fact that he didn’t even dwell on mepad quitting for a SECOND just tells us that this hurt him DEEPLY. he couldn’t even stand to process it for even a second without losing it, he had to move right on to be able to avoid the problem. that’s what he does. he avoids and deflects and suppresses.

not to mention that it’s canon that mephone DOES care about the contestants and others on the show, he just has a hard time expressing it.

this screenshot is taken directly from fan’s blog, in a post where he interviews mephone. mephone cares about everyone. he’s mean to everyone because he cares about them and it’s easier for him to express that by being an asshole than to be honest and vulnerable.

mephone doesn’t want to appear weak or vulnerable.

he wants to appear as some well put together, mentally sound, confident, host. he’s not. anyone who’s actually looked at his character will see this SO obviously, the way he acts most of the time is a FRONT.

yeah, sure, mephone has done some shitty things, but a LOT of people in ii have and i don’t see yall saying you hate them as much as i see people hating on mephone. im sick of it tbh

you guys just don’t understand mephone’s character and i think you need to reevaluate your opinion on him. mephone is a very emotional person. he just suppresses those emotions and avoids them at all costs and replaces them with assholery.

thanks for reading

[mal3vol3nt]

Hi. You’re probably tired of seeing me dump stuff like this. (I’ll try to make this the last time). But I have to vent to someone. Because I see this one guy, claim to not hate Aang, only to villainize him to a ridiculous extent, acting like he’s unempathetic, forcing Katara to tend to his emotional needs and this user completely downplays Aang’s genocidal trauma. Not to be rude, but how much of a heartless prick do you have to be to invalidate genocide and the trauma it can cause. These fake fans should honestly keep their mouths shut about this show, they clearly don’t understand it.

the southern raiders episode needs to be freed from the zutara fandom i swear. i’m fully convinced they never actually watched that episode cause it literally ends with katara saying she still didn’t forgive yon rha and aang accepting that. he literally says “im proud of you”. it was never her anger at the man that aang disagreed with, it was the action she planned on doing—murder—that he wanted to talk her down from. not for yon rha’s sake, but for her’s. so even though she didn’t forgive him, aang respected that and was able to recognize the strength and validity in her decision. i’m so tired of repeating this rebuttal to this stupid as fuck argument

aang doesn’t force her to do anything in the entire series. katara has her own agency and free will to do as she pleases and not a single character has ever taken that away from her, and the one time where her freedom was threatened (by pakku), she fought for it and ensured she got her way. when yall say aang takes her agency away from her, you’re also ignoring the core traits of katara: her fierceness, her determination, her ability to recognize what’s right for herself, and her sense of justice

she never blindly follows or takes direction from anyone. when aang tried telling her and sokka to stay put while he made the trip to see roku in the fire nation, katara (and sokka) put her foot down and refused to listen. she demanded that they go with him, and he accepted them making that choice for themselves. when sokka tried convincing her to leave after she met up with haru and they had the chance to escape from the fire nation ship, she refused and said she wasn’t abandoning the rest of the earthbenders. her decision was respected by both aang and sokka. in fact, there are so many instances of her making her own decisions regardless of what anyone else says that it would be impossible for me to list them all. she never succumbs to what aang or anyone else wants, and she always makes her genuine thoughts on an important decision known. katara does not need anyone to tell her what to do nor does she allow anyone to tell her what to do. this is the same girl who single handedly changed the “no girls allowed” rule in the northern water tribe after having been told “you can’t do that”. yall think she would let aang walk all over her??? please put some respect on her name

now this may be a controversial take but i don’t care it’s the truth: comparing sokka and katara losing their mom to aang losing his entire culture and people is actually insane and insensitive but not for the reason zutaras think. its because absolutely nothing any other character went through can compare to what aang did, and to diminish his tragedy by saying katara’s trauma surrounding her mom’s death is somehow worse is actual insanity and i need yall to go to prison LMAO

katara did not witness her mom get murdered. that only happened in natla and i refuse to acknowledge that. she ran out of the tent to go tell her dad that a fire nation soldier was with their mom and when she came back, the man was gone and kya was dead. still insanely traumatic, but she was not literally standing there watching as kya burned to death

that’s literally what happened with aang. from his perspective, he had just seen gyatso only a few hours ago. gyatso was alive literally moments ago in his mind and then he was greeted with his decayed skeleton among the bodies of unwelcome fire nation soldiers. just like katara experienced insane whiplash from that heartbreaking change, to see someone alive only to come back to them gone, aang went through roughly the same thing

the only difference is aang didn’t just lose gyatso, he lost all his friends and mentors as well. and he didn’t just lose all his friends and mentors, he lost every single person who looked like him. and he didn’t just lose every single person who looked like him, he lost everyone he had grown close to and seen from the other nations. and he didn’t just lose everyone he had grown close to and seen from the other nations, he lost the animals native to the airbending temples. and he didn’t just lose the animals native to the airbending temples, he lost the native plants as well. and he didn’t just lose the native plants, he lost the structural beauty and integrity of the air temples. and he didn’t just lose the structural beauty and integrity of the air temples, he lost the ability to practice his cultural customs with others. and he didn’t just lose the ability to practice his cultural customs with others, he lost the ability to bend his native element with others. and he didn’t just lose the ability to bend his native element with others, he lost the time to mourn for all that he lost

i’m sorry to those of you who wanna believe your favs have suffered more than anyone else in the series, but none of their tragedies compare to aang’s. and i don’t believe in downplaying what the others went through to support a fandom narrative, but this is literally just me acknowledging the severity of aang’s story. to suggest any one else has gone through more is to be ignorant and nothing anyone can say will ever convince me otherwise

only reason yall think zuko or katara or sokka or toph or azula or whoever the fuck else is more tragic than aang is because all of their traumas are more relatable to the everyday person whereas aang’s is something that most people can’t even comprehend

[caitlynnrosespn]

Need Help With Jack?

I AM NOT SAYING YA'LL ARE DOING IT WRONG I AM JUST HERE TO HELP WITH SOME OF THE TRICKIER PARTS OF HIM OKI

Before we begin I just wanna say that I have CPTSD (what he would reasonably have from his childhood) and I am have been doing theater and performances for a very long time, so while I don't have a perfect understanding of Jack there are some things I can help with (by the way @the-l-is-silent-yall did a great post about writing Mihaly which encouraged me to post this so check that out)

This is going to be long, so here we go:)

First off. His makeup.

I've seen some people say he is wearing makeup to seem more feminine, but that's not really the purpose of this kind of makeup. This is a type of makeup that is formerly known as contemporary makeup. In traditional western theater, it is used on performers (usually actors or dancers) to highlight their features so they don't fade in the bright stage lights. Without it, performers would look washed out or blank to the audience. It is composed of powder, foundation, rouge, lipstick, and eyeliner. Female or feminine presenting performers will also wear mascara, and some actors will apply highlighter and bronzer to accentuate or create features depending on the character they play, but actors of all gender orientation will have to wear some sort of makeup. The most telling mark of Jack wearing this type of makeup is the eyeliner and lipstick, which helps you more clearly see his features when the camera zooms out. It also helps the performer's features stand out, since he is covered in white paint. Now up close this makeup looks like it's too much makeup or it makes his features look weird, but that's the point. I have had directors tell me "if you look in the mirror and see a clown, you are doing it right." Theater makeup of any kind looks over exaggerated up close on purpose, so it reads to the audience who is far away.

Next let's talk about how to write a very important part of his story: his trauma.

Now I've seen a lot of fics talk about Jack's relationship with The Traveler, and how there is mutual distrust, and how basically Jack is afraid of The Traveler in the same way Jack fears Nightswan. While I'm not saying this is necessarily wrong, (although I would love to see The Traveler be a good father just this once) it would make more sense if Jack was afraid of someone else:

Si'ha Nova.

In Jack's life, most of his trauma and insecurity came from his mother. He was raised to believe that Nightswan's treatment of him was normal among all families. Because that trauma came from Nightswan, he has a bigger chance of struggling with women in parental roles rather than men in father roles. Because most of my trauma was from my dad and other men, I had a hard time trusting older men. PLEASE don't take this the wrong way and think "oh, see he hates women." NO! What I'm saying is that Jack would have a hard time trusting and opening up with anyone he perceives as motherly. He might have more trauma responses when around Si'ha, such as flinching more around her or seeming more closed off. This can of course be helped, and I'm sure Si'ha won't have a hard time building trust with Jack. Now of course he might still have his trust issues and reservations about The Traveler, but it would be a lot less worse than those he would have with Si'ha. (i'm saying this in a mean way, this is just what I've learned about childhood trauma)

Now let's take about the inevitability of a trigger for Jack.

Triggers are the weirdest thing in the world. Sometimes they are obvious things. As an abuse survivor, I don't like people jump-scaring me and I feel uncomfortable when people start handling belts (i even rarely wear one) which is all pretty self explanatory and stuff and you would think that's the same for the rest of my triggers, right? Nope! No I can't watch Victorious, I freeze up when the Arizona Storm alarms play, and I will have a literal breakdown whenever I see one of those plagiarism warning screens. Also can't watch horror movies. Do they make sense to me? Not at all. But the reason they trigger my CPTSD is because somewhere in my brain, in my suppressed memory, my brain is reminded of my trauma and is launched into flight or fight mode.

Jack's triggers might be something that makes sense, like being in the mirror room or seeing something about the Swan Soldiers. But, he would also have more explainable or random triggers. A specific color could remind him of his mom. A melody could remind him of a song that was playing during a rehearsal gone wrong. A certain smell could remind him of a room that he wasn't particularly fond of in Nightswan tower.

So what exactly would be the best way to write Jack having a breakdown? Glad you never asked!!! I shall still answer!!

Jack having a breakdown could go down one of two ways. One, he could get really combative, aka fight. Not like throwing hands combative, but like suddenly being overly defensive and irritated over little things. Assuming someone notices this change of behavior, it would take a few moments until his brain finally perceives that there is no actual threat, and then celebrate by gifting Jack with an intense breakdown complete with tears and a panic attack that will literally leave him breathless. Option two, the flight option, will see Jack suddenly feeling the need to escape. Maybe he'll need to leave a room, or need to get off the street and into a building, or he might not even be able to be in the same room as someone. When his brain finally decides the danger is no longer in the room with us he will have a similar breakdown as he did in option one. But of course, there is a third, more fun, more secret option. Option three, freeze.

I'm a freeze person, and freeze is ten times worse than option one and two combined. When someone freezes, they will escape to a space devoid of people or possible threats. They will then find a place where they can observe all sides of the room without needing to turn, preferably a corner, make themselves smaller via holding their chest to their knees, and then have that extra special breakdown. The problem with freeze is your brain never has the opportunity the decide if the threat is actually gone, so instead of moving on you are stuck in this feeling of being in danger even if obviously you are not.

The best way you can write someone (most likely Wanderlust, knowing you guys) helping out is:

-No touching until he calms down. Touching always makes things worse. Not until he can voice that he is calming down.

-Trying to communicate breathing/grounding exercises. It will take a minute before he responds and partakes. @apexious wrote a really good example of this, just with reversed roles.

-Weighted blankets weighted blankets weighted blankets weighted blankets

-Have them try to voice what he is feeling/what he perceives the danger to be. Usually helps reduce trigger responses if they are encountered again.

And the last thing I want to note about Jack is that traumatic memories will most likely fade with time. Not the actual trauma or the memories behind them, but specific details will be hard to recall such as his specific age when it happened, where it happened, or other specific details. The brain likes to do that to protect you from specifically traumatizing or harmful memories.

Sorry for the essay, but I hope this helps!!! If you have any other questions regarding this, feel free to message me/drop it into my dropbox!!! Happy writing!!!

[softevnstan]

³.⍭ 𝐈𝐭 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞

pairing. bucky barnes x gender netural!reader

summary. you couldn't believe the name that graced the file on your desk for your new patient. james 'bucky' barnes. you'd heard of him - even studied some of his history during college for psychology classes. never would you have imagined he'd be sent to your office, looking for help.

a.n. yeahhh i couldn't do this as just a one time thing. this is going to be a multi-part i write to update every now and again. so for today you have crumbs of what your first session is like. as someone who's been diagnosed with c-ptsd and has a butt-load of trauma, i'm writing bucky's experience in therapy based on my own. that being said i do not condone patient/therapist irl or any of that power balance outside of fiction. gross. that's the only disclaimer for this series tho going forward, i'm not gonna tag that everytime.

edit. part two is here yall

“So, Mr. Barnes, from what I’m understanding, you'd like to make me your primary therapist and discontinue working with Doctor Raynor?” Perhaps if you knew you’d be in this situation, you would’ve mentally prepared yourself a little better for the day when you got up out of bed that morning.

Being a therapist certainly wasn’t without its obstacles, no – It’s a lot to listen to someone else’s problems and just how many callus and evil things happen in the world. It also has its moments where it reminds you just how vile people can be, too. From children all the way to elderly, you’ve seen countless patients. They come back because you’re passionate about your job; Not looking at these people as paychecks but as living, breathing people. And sometimes people just need someone to talk to; there’s no shame in that.

You just never anticipated you’d have a war hero on your office couch, though. That was not on the radar when you were working towards your Master’s Degree. 

James “Bucky” Buchanan Barnes sat across from your beige and brown striped armchair on the couch. He looked lonely in the middle; For a man so broad, it would be impressive how small he could make himself if not for the fact it was simultaneously heart wrenching. Cobalt eyes struggled to meet your gaze from the moment he walked into the office to begin the session. His body looked awfully stiff, and his eyes dark like he hadn’t had a good night’s rest in weeks. Perhaps months.

“Yes.” He answers stiffly, “Please.” At least he’s sure to mind his manners despite the clear discomfort radiating from the soldier across from you. But his quiet and taut demeanor is discouraging: “It’s important that you are comfortable here, Mr. Barnes. Therapy is something that works best when it doesn’t feel forced…” “I am comfortable,” Bucky jumps to correct, earning a slight raise of a brow from you before schooling your expression once more. “Comfortable enough. I’m just new to… this.” The man makes a vague gesture with his hands between the both of you; Aching eyes speaking more than words ever will when Bucky briefly raises them to look at you.

The first step is wanting to heal. Bucky’s already showing initiative by being present - by putting his foot forward to try to find a therapist better suited to him rather than just throwing his hands up after the first dead end. That’s good. You can work with that. 

Your lips curl into a soft, welcoming smile. “Change can be scary, especially when we don’t understand what all is changing or what could come from it. With us working together, though, I can only do as much as you let me. It’s going to be intimidating, and you may not like it, but I want to help you feel better, Mr. Barnes. You deserve to feel better.” Positive reinforcements are always a good thing so long as they’re not condescending or passive aggressive. It’s all in the delivery, you’ve learned. It’s important patients feel comfortable when they’re with you – how else are they expected to be honest, then?

Bucky looks quizzically for a few moments before once more averting his anxious gaze. It made your heart hurt to see a man so beaten down and on edge; it felt so obvious to you, but then again, you were educated on how to find the tells. You could read him like a book right then. Feel everything radiating off of him, almost.

“What kind of things will you do..?” Bucky inquires after a beat.

“Well, I’d like you to start keeping a journal that we could use for our sessions. It’ll help you keep a record of what you’re feeling and we could use it like a workbook – there’d be homework involved, but there’d be nothing I know you can’t handle.”

“Homework?”

You smile, a nod of your head: “Work sheets, sometimes I’ll ask you to read something for me or answer a few questions, sometimes I’ll give you a worksheet you can use when necessary – then the next time I see you, we’ll go over what you’ve brought back and assess together so I can help you understand.”

He’s tentative to the idea, you can see it. It’s clear Bucky is very selective and reserved. You can only imagine how much strife this poor man has been through. But you see the light in him. You do. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to get better.

“...I don’t want to be unhappy anymore,” Bucky says, almost not catching the words if not for the fact the room is silent except for the two of you. “I can help you, Bucky,” you assure him, voice sincere. “We just need to work together and let me give you the tools to be happy. Do you think you can do that for me, Mr. Barnes?”

It’s clear your words seem to rock Bucky in some way, because he looks at you with something that almost resembles shock. As if he’s never heard anyone say something like that to him, has never wanted to help him become himself again. And if his experiences with Raynor is anything to base off of, Bucky needs a proper support system and someone who’s there with his best interest in mind. You can be that for him - even if it is your job irregardless. 

He’s silent, eyes darting away and breaking the brief moment of eye contact between the both of you. Then, a nod.

“I can try.” it might as well be a promise.

“That’s all I’ll ever ask of you.”

[faggot-dot-jpg]

talk to me about ur ocs u seem silly (sory for showing up unannounced i opt to not control the urge to hear ppl ramble about their self-made lil guys)

WIDENS EYES SO SO BIG OMG

OKAY OKAY OKAY

SO I HAVE THESE TWO LITTLE GUYS

MILO AND AND JAX (no relation to tadc) (I will now stop yelling)

Milo is an angel and Jax is a demon (giggles)

they are both 20 yrs old, Milo is transmasc (he/him) and "straight" (he is actually so bisexual), Jax is gay (he/it)

(runs to my notes app) (lil warning, quite a bit of their story is Jax helping Milo through his fear of his own sexuality, so yea you can guess there gonna be certain themes)

Okay so Milo is like low-key famous up in heaven (he's the son of the king of heavens "manager" I forgor the word) (ITS ADVISOR, THE KINGS TOP ADVISOR TAHTS THE WORD OMG)

so he's constantly trying to keep his public image intact..

but that starts to get harder after he's sent on a mission to deliver a message to the king of hell

down there he sees the king's son (spoiler: it's Jax) and is like " Oh shoot oh no he's hot wth why do I like this guy I'm straight wait what"

OH YEA SILLY HEAVEN LORE DROP: Being queer is totally fine up there, Milo has been out and transitioned for years, but from a young age all angel's are taught that engaging in sexual activity or having sexual thoughts is a big no no

lore drop over, back to the other lore drop :3

so for the next month or so Milo is having progressively more risqué thoughts and even dreams (woagh that's crazy) and he's getting real stressed out because I LIED MORE HEAVEN LORE: when angels start losing their "purity", small parts of their body start changing to red, ie some of the hair, eyes, any markings. SO HES ALL STRESSED CAUSE HES STRUGGLING TO HIDE THE CHANGES :((

ANYWAYS- He gets sent on another mission to hell, this time to ask if preparations for Jax's coronation have started, and gets suckered into helping. The two start getting closer~..

ONTO JAX LORE!!!!!! YIPPEE

Jax is the Prince of Hell, and has been conditioned by its asshole of a father to eventually become king since he was very young. His father would often push Jax past its limits both physically and emotionally. When he couldn't deal with this, his father decided to start just straight up abusing him. (I wanna kill, him. YES I KNOW IM IN CONTROL BUT HES IMPORTANT TO THE STORY FOR NOW 😭)

Because his mother was an incubus (she's uh- out of the picture... also incubi and succubi can be any gender so fun fact!!!) it decides to deal with his issues by whoring around (he's so silly!! <- the poor guy needs severe therapy and to get away from his dad)

One day, an angel comes to deliver a message to his father (WOAGH I WONDER WHO THAT IS!?!??! 🧐🧐) and he becomes absolutely infatuated after seeing him once (bro is down bad frfr)

as it nears time for his coronation, the same angel comes to visit to help with preparations. once again, the two start getting closer~..

NOW GENERAL STORY STUFF!!!!! I cannot thank you enough for the chance to be so soso abnormal abt my silly little guys btw

Before they get closer, Milo is like "nuh uh being friends with a demon is wrong HECK NO" (he doesn't swear :3) but eventually they start talking, Jax opens up about his daddy issues (trauma is the first conversation topic as always with these DAMN QUEERS-) <- I AM A DAMN QUEER YALL

and Jax learns what life in heaven is like (and is absolutely horrified to learn that sexuality is frowned upon)

it now has a goal to help Milo understand that his teachings were incorrect

to directly quote my notes app: One night, Milo comes back to his guest room to see it destroyed.. (While they were working, one of Jax's old boy toys wrecked it in a fit of rage over Milo getting close to Jax) As they don't have any other rooms available, Jax offers to let Milo stay in his for now. Milo accepts, then panics once he learns that Jax only has one bed. Jax doesn't see an issue, and they sleep in the same bed with a little persuasion. (THAT SOUNDS WEIRD, I PROMISE JAX ISNT A CREEP OR NOTHIN)

uhhh umm the next part is kinda- uhmmmmmmm 😳 I don't think I'm gonna say it here

just know some of Milo's dreams come true :3c

SADLY I HAVENT WRITTEN THE STORY PAST THIS PART SO THATS IT FOR NOW :((

TY FOR ASKING

[sunflowersoldat]

All is Fair~ Peace & Parallels

Chapter 21: Peace & Parallels

Previous Chapter

Main Master List

Series Master List

Series Summary: Family is important, but so is the Family business. Everyone has secrets, some are deadly. Your the best in the business, but no one knows who you are. Tensions are high, will you raise the stakes or fold under the pressure?

Series Warning: 18+! Mentions of blood and violence, bad language words, smut, manipulation, gaslighting, death, trauma, please follow the warnings for each chapter.

Chapter warnings: 18+ Only! Emotional trauma, Bad language words, SMUT!

Pairing: Mob!Steve x Assassin!Stark!reader

Word count: 2.8K

A/N: I am fuckinnnnnn tired, but the chapter is finished and it makes me happy to make yall happy sooo here ya go! The Holiday season really fucks me up... as always, likes, comments and reblogs are always welcome! Anyhow, enjoy!💕

Your phone woke you from your dreams, you groaned as you silenced the shrill ringing. You brought the small bright screen to your face, your eyes straining to adjust in the darkness. Several messages littered your screen, some from Zemo, a couple from Loki, but the newest one was from Wade:

‘Need 2 move on targets 2nite b4 its too l8’

You rolled your eyes, you hated when he used shorthand. He was right though, you still needed to meet with him to go over the intel he had found, and make your move before you missed your window of opportunity. 

You respond, letting him know you will meet with him soon, first you need to shower and get dressed. Locking your phone you place it back on your nightstand before turning over to see Steve sleeping peacefully next to you. A content sigh leaves your lips as your fingertips trace lightly along the smooth plains of his face. Rolling over you begin to rise from the bed, but his strong arm wraps around your waist, pulling you back against him, then under him, forearms caging you. His chiseled torso looming above yours.

“Going somewhere, sweetheart?” His voice is rough from sleep, a playful glint shining in his eyes.

Rolling your eyes, you lean up to peck his lips, “Yes… I have business to attend to and I am in need of a shower–”

His lips seal over yours, cutting you off, your eyes flutter shut, hands slipping to caress his face. You pull away gently, a smile splitting your lips.

Groaning he places his head in the crook of your neck, his beard tickling the sensitive skin as he kisses down your shoulder, then back up your neck. Sighing you stop his ascent, holding his face above yours, “The city is in flames.”

He breaks from your hold, nuzzling your neck, breathing against your skin, “Mmm. Let it burn.”

“Steve…” You warn.

When he pulls away again, his eyes are clouded in thought, his gaze far away. You place your hands on both sides of his face, your forehead pressed against his, “Hey. Come back to me…” he blinks, the fogginess fades. A sad smile lifts your lips,  “there you are… Listen, I have to do this, it's important.”

He shakes his head lightly.

“Please, let me handle this…” you swallow hard, “Let me fix this.” Your eyes meet his, pleading him to understand.

He nods slowly, “The moment this is all over, you are mine.”

A smile plays on your lips, if only it was that easy, you don’t have the heart to break his hope, so you nod in agreement, “After I finish this, I’m all yours.”

His eyes slip shut, his jaw clenching, “Promise me, Angel.”

Your heart feels like lead in your chest, but you agree, “I Promise.”

Rising from the bed, he offers you his hand, pulling you toward your bathroom he begins to shed what little clothing he still wears. His navy sweats hang low on his hips, he pulls you against him. His chest is bare and warm, your fingers splay against the taught muscles as his hands find the hem of your night-shirt, lifting it off your body. The cool air kissing your skin as his eyes rake over you.

Walking the two of you towards your shower, he flicks on the water before hooking his thumbs into your underwear, kneeling as he slips them off you.

Your brows scrunch, “Steve, what are you doing?” 

He stands again, peppering your lips with his, his whispers meeting your ears between kisses, “You said we needed a shower.”

You pull away, raising a brow, “No, I said I need a shower.”

“Same thing.” he shrugs, his eyes softening when they meet yours, they are so vibrant and alive, like the first time you ever met him in the casino elevator. You want to get lost in them, dive beneath the surface, and drown in him. He smirks, tucking your hair behind your ear, his fingers gently grazing the spade tattoo, you shiver. “Besides, you better get used to this, we have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

Damn right you do, but a sinking feeling gnaws at your heart, how much time did you truly have to try and make it up? Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you chuckle as he fumbles to strip himself of his pants, whisking you into the shower, the warm water trickling down your skin. He allows you the time to properly clean your hair and body, but he is oddly quiet. When you finish, you turn to him, your head tilting at his lost expression, stepping closer your hand softly caresses his cheek. 

“Stevie?”

His eyes slowly rake over your body before locking with yours. 

“Forget this city.” there is a resolve in his voice as it meets your ears, a fire in his eyes, your heart squeezing in your chest, your brows knit together.

One of his hands covers yours against his cheek, the other pulling you against him, “I mean it. We can run, right now.” His eyes frantically searched yours, “No one needs to know, we can disappear, just me and you, never look back.” There under his resolve, you hear the brokenness he is fighting to hide. With each passing moment that you don’t agree, you can see the hope fading from his eyes.

Swallowing hard, you shake your head, “I can’t.” you drop his gaze, “I’m sorry, I have to fix this, to ensure you are safe.” you feel the tears prick your eyes, as they settle over his still healing wound, your hand grazes it softly. Guilt slicing through you at the sight, “I’m so sorry...”

He lifts your chin so your eyes meet his again, “Don’t be,” his lips tilt upward, but there is still a great sadness haunting his eyes. “I’m a big target, kinda hard to miss…” his thumb swipes the tears that tumble down your cheeks. 

Biting your lip you shake your head again, “It's my fault… I–”

He silences you, crushing his lips over yours in a kiss that’s all teeth and tongue, it's all consuming, as if you were the oxygen he needed to survive. His hands fall from your face to slip across your skin, causing goosebumps to break out across your body, one snakes around your thigh, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his waist, the other on your lower back, pressing you impossibly closer. He spins you, caging you against the wall, the sensation of the icy tile against your back, and his warm chest causes a shudder to ripple through you, a moan slipping past your lips. 

A growl rumbles in his chest as his hardened length slips against your center, your breath catching in your throat. His hand on your thigh slips up into your hair, pulling your head back, so he can watch your face contort in pleasure as he spears into you slowly. Your eyes slip shut as he starts his agonizingly slow pace, you can feel all of him, each little roll of his hips, the way his head rubs just where you need him. He is taking his time with you, being so gentle it’s almost painful, he has you writhing against the wall. Your nails digging into his arms and back, his thrusts hard and slow, like he is learning you all over again. Burning you into his memory, his lips pepper onto your skin, kissing and nipping at the slick flesh of your neck and chest. 

Both of you are slowly descending into madness, he knows what you need as he slips one hand between your bodies, expertly applying pressure as he circles your bud. A particularly harsh thrust has you careening over the edge, vision bursting with white spots as you clench around him, your back arching off the wall. His lips seal around one breast, his thrusts now faster, the rhythm failing as he chases his high. He releases your breast, truly pornographic sounds echo off the tiles as he buries his head in your neck. Both his hands wrap around your waist to steady you as he shoves deeper one last time before he finally stills, warmth spreading inside you, the two of you breathing heavily, he presses his forehead to yours.

“Swear to me, you’ll come back. That we will be together.”

“Yes.” you breathe against his lips.

“Swear it.” His grip on your hips tightens almost painfully, the broken plea leaving his lips.

“I swear.”

—

Wade walked into the downstairs office where you were lounging in the desk chair your feet propped up on the desk. Your gaze locked on Steve in the training area, the sound of punches landing on vinyl echoes as the office door opens. 

Wade’s eyes follow yours as Steve stops his assault on the bag. Wade turns in time to watch Steve’s eyes meet yours. There is a light in his eyes, a happiness that seems out of place given the current circumstances.

The door clicks shut, Wade leans against it, waiting for you to acknowledge him, when you don’t he sighs loudly. Only then do you pull your attention to him, a distant look in your eyes.

He clicks his tongue, “Let me guess. You made a promise you can’t keep.” 

The look you give him tells him all he needs to know, you don’t even try to deny it.

Your brows knit together, “Is it bad to give him hope?”

Wade walks closer, sitting next to your feet on the desk, “False hope can do more damage than an honest truth, no matter how painful.”

Your mouth quirks to the side as you chew your bottom lip, “Who says it’s false?”

Wade shoots you an apathetic look, your name leaving his lips softly, “You know the dead cannot mix with the living.”

Your gaze falls, fingers idly fidgeting as you lift your gaze back out to Steve, “Don’t tell him.”

His heart aches for you, nothing has gone right for you, out of everyone here, you’ve lost the most. As your friend it pains him to watch the sadness roll into your eyes, he nods slowly, “It’s not my place, kid.”

You swallow, and as if he had imagined the past five minutes, you stand from your seat, your normal, terrifying persona is back in place. Calm and collected, as if the man you would die for and life you deserve isn’t just out of reach.

Your eyes slide to his, “You wanted to talk about the intel?”

The change in demeanor gave Wade whiplash, but he would never call attention to it, “Yeah, let’s go upstairs, Zemo has more he wants to inform us on.”

—

The three of you enter Zemo’s office, Steve’s hand rests on your lower back as he ushers you through the doors. Zemo is sitting at his desk, a deep frown creasing his brow as he stares at his phone. In the corner, by the bookshelves sits Loki, his head propped on his hand, deep in thought, he doesn't even acknowledge you as you walk in.

Zemo greets the three of you without looking up, his hand raised, offering a new phone, “Mr. Rogers, I assume your men would like to be informed of your current state.” 

Steve lingers for a moment, his hand sliding to grasp your waist briefly as he moves to accept the phone, thanking him. Steve nods to you and Wade, “I'll only be a moment.”

You give him a soft smile as he heads back out onto the main casino floor, you can already hear one of his men pickup as the door shuts. You turn your attention back to Zemo, who is now leaning back in his chair, loosening his tie, before steepling his hands on the desk in front of him. He sighs heavily, his eyes weary as he takes you and Wade in.

“I have set up a meeting between Steve and your brother at the ‘Lumerian’, a private room has been reserved. I want you there Wraith, we need both of these men to settle this, otherwise none of us will survive what's to come.”

“Yessir.”

“Sweep the building, ensure your brother hasn’t set any traps or brought backup. As of right now your only order is to ensure Rogers stays alive at all costs. Is that understood?”

You exhale, “Yessir.” 

“Good. Желать, (zhelat, obsession.) you are with Laufeyson, his personal security for the time being.”

Wade eyes Loki, whose attention is finally on the three of you. Wade looks to you, then to Zemo, “Sir, permission to brief her?”

Zemo gestures to you, nodding, “You have the floor.”

Wade straightens, “The phone you gave me a few months back happened to be quite fruitful. As it turns out, Francis happens to be half of the four horsemen–”

You scowl, “The four horsemen?” your eyes flicker to Zemo, “They were exiled for their brutality, their methods are downright barbaric! How the hell have they been operating here, under our noses?!”

Zemo nods in agreement, “It would seem they have had help. Laufeyson knows their whereabouts, he will find out where they will be tonight. Then you and Желать (Zhelat) will take care of them.”

Wade clears his throat, “They also happen to be the ones responsible for your museum, and for beating up Steve’s kid. There have been murmurs of one of them being responsible for your parents’ accident…”

Anger flares within you, no wonder Peter had been so brutalized, the Four Horsemen were downright cruel in their punishments, fucking sadists. If they were responsible for your parents death, you were going to rip them apart when you got your hands on them.

Wade places his hand on your shoulder, giving you a knowing look, “Loki and I will contact you with the address, the minute we locate them.”

“It will just be the two of you. Заря and Удача (Zarya/Dawn, Udacha/fortune) are out of town, you won't have any backup.” Zemo gives the two of you a pointed look, “I don’t care how it's done, I want them gone. Then we will make our final move on our mutual friend.” 

You give Wade a vicious grin, “Don’t start without me.”

He gives a grin that matches yours, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Keep him alive Желат (zhelat), you are dismissed.”

Wade nods as he and Loki head for the doors. Loki walks towards you first, the door to the office opens as Steve walks in. Loki grasps your gloved hand, placing a kiss to your knuckles, “Goodluck darling. Give ‘em hell.” He turns toward the door, stopping and turning to you one last time, his eyes meeting yours as Steve stops beside you, you can feel Steve watching the two of you. Loki gives you a camera worthy smile, “Goodbye Death Darling, it was a pleasure doing business with you.”

You couldn’t help but feel like his parting words held a stifling amount of finality—

“Wraith…”

Zemo pulled your attention back to him, “Did you ever receive blood from Steve or Barnes?”

Your brows rose then furrowed, what kind of question was that, “I’m sorry sir? I don't–”

Zemo’s eyes met yours, pursing his lips before letting go of a long breath, “Your blood work came back from the night we pulled you out of the bay.” he paused, you could see him trying to find the right words for what he was about to say. Your stomach dropped, you didn’t like where this was going.

—

When Steve arrives at the Lemurian Star, he arrives alone. You had convinced him to drop you off a block away so you could ensure it was safe for him to arrive. He sat in the driver’s seat in front of the restaurant, he didn’t know what to expect from this meeting. The last time he had seen your brother, he had tried his damndest to kill him, Steve’s hand lightly grazed the wound under his shirt, and Tony damn near succeeded.

Taking a deep breath he centered himself, there were obviously bigger fish, he and Tony would need to set aside their differences, if not for your sake, for the sake of surviving. 

Steve didn’t know who to trust, Loki and his brother felt slimy, he didn’t know if he could trust his own men, Bucky had proven he couldn't. And he didn’t necessarily trust Zemo or the other Aces, but he trusted you. After everything, you had saved his life, risking yours in the process, betraying your own brother, for him. 

He knew Bucky thought he was insane for even considering trusting you, but at this point, if you were to truly be his demise, he would gladly die at your hands… 

No.

Neither of you were going to die, this was going to blow over and then the two of you would leave this damn city behind for good. He would give you the life you deserved, maybe settle down have a few—

Ding

His phone vibrated in his hand, the little notification lighting up his screen:

Angel: Clear. It’s just Tony. Third floor.

Steve leaned his head back against the headrest, taking another deep breath.

Let's get this over with.

—

@dontbescaredtosingalong @texan-tazzy @tianamontag @daiseychaindisaster @silently-killing-you @buckyfan12 @leyannrae @justlovelifeblog @austynparksandpizza @captainson-of-coul @betareader7 @vicmc624 @bigphattygyal @calwitch @buckysteveloki-me @curlyladylazarus111 @talesofadragon

[therealslimshakespeare]

https://www.tumblr.com/precious-little-scoundrel/757804202511712257/its-not-a-throwaway-at-all-two-things-drive-it

Omg yes I agree with this so much

I see so much criticism of her character’s flaws (which is understandable - to an extent!) and little to no sympathy for what has happened to cause this behaviour. Like give the girl a break, if growing up her boundaries have been consistently disregarded how will she have learnt the importance of respecting other’s boundaries.

AND she’s a young woman in a pow camp! Just bc others have gone through what could be deemed ‘worse’ trauma and are coping better doesn’t mean her trauma should be overlooked and she should be expected to never mess up. At the end of the day you can’t expect everyone to have their shit together at every moment in these types of situations, Bucky certainly has his moments but people move on from that and have sympathy for him, I really think this same sympathy should be given to everyone regardless of any minor previous faults.

I do understand why people criticise Maureen and thats fine, everyone has a right to their own opinions - but! Maybe also have a bit more understanding and sympathy for the characters backstory and trauma.

Anyways so sorry for the rant lol

Nooo, don’t be sorry. Love that I called and y’all came a’runnin. ☺️

Like I said in a previous one, I think it was just risky to have an under construction character going. And then along with my non linear writing style, even more so. But we are all still having fun with it, it seems.

Interestingly I found MotA a bit curious with its lack of gray protagonists. Not that every piece of media needs one, but that was half of what felt rushed about the series to me. Where was your SNAFU? Your Wild Bill? of pacific and BoB? You’d have had them in the Air Force, we just didn’t have time to showcase more than fucker Crosby face planted into breakfast or Egan’s lapses of sanity and decorum as an officer. Which tbh, was a far bigger deal imo than most people seem to agree.

And that’s coming from someone who’d advocate for a silver star from that man and lick his feet clean.

Those dear anons who’ve answered regarding the other point of view have expressed themselves well. And I appreciate it, all this seems to be a genuine desire to understand her, rationalize her, etc. which I appreciate. Loads.

My little cry for help was that yeah, cool that yall are taking it into consideration but, how was I to know? Only thing coming into my inbox was a repeat of her bad behaviors. Which are intentionally alarming, so I get it but.

Yet I was beginning to wonder if anyone actually noticed some of the other stuff. Not as a complete pass to Maureen, nope not at all, just for the sake of this contextualization we all supposedly want with any person or character. But now I know it’s being taken into account.

Which is a relief.

But I just don’t know that because id not heard a peep of it before. So, it was helpful to clear that up a bit.

[purrincess-chat]

I think I know now why the writers decided in favor of pre-reveal Adrienette. Adrien desperately needs someone to be there for him in his civilian life and inspire him to solve his problems. Unfortunately, Ladybug can't do it without one or both of them revealing their identities, and I guess now isn't the time for an identity reveal yet. What do you think?

I think what a lot of people in the fandom forget is that seasons 4 and 5 were written together, so this whole arc over the last couple of seasons was planned at the same time. It wasn't a random occurrence or the writers just up and deciding to throw something in for shits and giggles. It was deliberate, and likely important for whatever plans they have moving forward.

As a writer, I understand the importance of having the whole picture, which is why I often just tell people to wait and see what happens. Additionally, because I am accustomed to view storytelling from a writing lens, I can say that pre reveal Adrinette wasn't that surprising to me. I saw the hints and signs of it since s1, and especially after what happened in s4, I can see why Adrinette is happening over the other sides. There were certain key developments throughout season 4 that lead to where we are now.

I think the other factor goes along with what you're saying in that we don't fully know the extent of the Agreste plotline yet. We have a lot of speculation, but we don't know it as well as the writers do. I definitely think there is something to what you're saying. Adrien can't go to Ladybug about his home life, which is a very huge problem for his character. His home life has been at the center of this show just as much as the love square. His home life has been the main plot since s1 because everything in the show is linked to it. And one of the main reasons I've appreciated this season so much is it's finally allowing Adrien to speak up and realize that something in his life is very wrong, and he needs help. He needs someone to support him and help him stand up for himself because he can't (either because he's a sentibeing and literally cannot bc he is being controlled or bc the psychological abuse is so bad. Possibly both). And you could argue that they should just reveal their identities already, but the thing is, canon only gets 1 shot to do the permanent reveal. It's not like fanfic where we can write as many reveals as we want. Canon gets 1. And idk about yall, but as someone who has been in this fandom for years, I want that 1 moment to be the biggest one in the show because it has been the whole shtick of this show since it premiered. I want it to be good, ya know?

The way I see it, this season had a two fold problem as it relates to Adrinette. The first one is the situation with Adrien and his homelife, and they set Marinette up to be his person for that at the end of s4 (I mean honestly she kind of has been for a while, but Risk really drove that point home). The second is Marinette's trauma surrounding love. Because of everything, she convinced herself that she was not worthy of love and could not have love because it leads her to making big mistakes. It's clearly an issue the writers wanted to resolve before the reveal. Why? We will have to find out, but my best guess is they have other plans for post reveal that require them to be past this point and go through all of the development they're going through. Everything I've seen and read has told me this season is wrapping up the Agreste plotline we've been following since s1, and we are seeing evidence of that with how things have been progressing. I'm not gonna spoil later episodes for those who haven't watched, but it's clear that something final is going to happen on that front this season. And with how fucked up that whole situation is, yeah, I can see why they gave Adrien a cute gf to hold his hand and help him through it just like I can see why they gave Marinette a cute and patient bf to hold her hand and help her through her shit. Narratively, with everything we've been given, it makes sense to me.

So, yeah, I can see where you're coming from. I think there is more to it, but I think that is one of the reasons we're seeing pre reveal Adrinette this season. I think we also forget that the writers like the love square too. I'm sure they've been waiting for this moment just as long, if not longer, than we have. But they have to be purposeful with how they do things in order to tell the story they're trying to tell. I think this season as well as s4 will make a lot more sense once we have all of it, and we can go back and watch everything in context and see where all the threads were leading. MLs biggest struggle has always been the broadcasting schedule and leaks. People get spoiled to things they don't have context for yet and then run with wild assumptions and bad faith interpretations. It's unfortunately been this way since s1, so I don't see it getting better. 🤷‍♀️ Either way, I think you're definitely on the right track, and I'm curious to see how the rest of their relationship unfolds and bridges the gap we have between episode 11 and episode 20. I think the missing episodes will provide a lot of context that we are missing.

[rigginsstreet]

People who view Billy's character in such a negative one-dimensional way come across as so sheltered to me. He really reminds me of my dad in a lot of ways, and when we watched S2 and 3 together we revisited convos about what it was like for my dad to grow up with a father like Neil, a mother who let him down, step-siblings he had toxic relationships with, and what it was like to have to let go of the ways he learned to survive it all. People really undestimate just how hard it is to break the cycle of violence when you're all on your own. If you're young and by yourself, with very little money or access to resources about abuse, then you just have to blindly stumble into the life lessons you need.

At the same time people also undestimate how capable of change people can be when they actually have a chance. Once my dad was out of his father's house during his 20s he had room to breathe and actually grow up. He put all his anger and fear into learning a trade instead of taking it out on others, put effort into learning about the people and cultures he was taught to be racist against, and eventually found a career working with young people so he could be the supportive figure he needed when he was their age.

Lots of folks who grow up to be good people were like Billy or like my dad when they were younger. Billy's story gets cut short before we get to see that though. It's still important to know that even if a victim of abuse is an asshole and a product of their shitty environment that doesn't mean they aren't worthy of help. You don't have to like them but that doesn't make them irredeemable. If people's support abuse victims is conditional on their moral purity then they are not the allies they think they are.

(also love the idea of Billy working with young people in his future one of my fave personal headcanons)

billy antis to me fall into the camp of either 1. being incredibly sheltered and having no idea what the fuck theyre talking about or 2. they say billy reminds them of whatever abuser they personally had in their life, so automatically theyre unable to separate that bias and generally its fuck whoever talks positively about billy (ive seen a FEW people able to see reason but....) 

and like thats a whole separate issue coming from the riverdale fandom and preferring the parents over the kids, all the damn time i had to hear people coming into mine or my friends inboxes/posts trauma dumping because x parent remind them of their parent etc etc and like girl... what does that got to do with me. like sorry you went through that but whats that got to do with me.

people need to learn how to separate fiction from reality. thats the first problem that needs to be addressed

but like if yall WANT to make it this deep and talk about the real world and shit, its so counterproductive to talk about abusive victims who are literal children and deciding theyre beyond redemption. its also very convenient how people pick and choose when someones a child. if you did x thing at age 17 youre a child but if you do z thing youre an adult. make it make sense. 

i feel like these people just... dont exist in reality? like i have to imagine theyre only interactions with other people are their echo chambers online because SURELY you cannot be interacting with real life human beings day to day in the real world and coming to these conclusions. people are incredibly nuanced. everyones got skeletons in their closet. everyones got things in their past they are not proud of. its what theyve made of themselves since their darkest moments that matters. its what people choose to do with themselves once they identify their problems and issues that matters. billy LITERALLY GAVE UP HIS LIFE. and its not enough for people. which is... insane to me. and heinously cruel minded. especially paired with how they go on to treat REAL PEOPLE for understanding his character. “i hate this character because theyre mean and bigoted so to show this i will go on and be mean and bigoted to other people”. like yall need some windex for your mirrors cuz clearly somethings not getting through when you look into it every day.

my brother and i had a notoriously toxic relationship when we lived together. we’re still not particularly close probably because of that (also theres a 7 year age difference so that was never gonna help) but like literally last time we were together a week or two ago to put up the christmas tree we were getting along, he even volunteered for all things to put our initial ornaments next to each other on the tree. we snuck upstairs before dinner to hang out in my room and smoke lmfao like... amazing what distance can do for a relationship i have full faith that all billy and max needed was for billy to move out and get away from neil and they would be maybe not besties but surely a hell of a lot closer than they could be under current circumstances.

people just dont want to put in the brainpower to think long term. they dont want to face the facts of billys situation because then they would have to realize how fucking shitty they are to people like him. and no one wants to do that. no one wants to realize theyve been the villain this whole time lmao

i had another thought but i lost it which is probably for the best cuz this response is already long as hell. 

[stormblessed95]

Hi!!! It’s me again. I hope your having a great day. As our resident BTSpedia I’m hoping you can tell me where to look cause I’ve been on YouTube and it didn’t help. Also this isn’t Jikook related.

I became army after the HYYH period. Everyone is extremely excited and I’m happy to be able to see it for myself. My confusion is why do they say it’s gay and they hope Yoonkook have a happy ending? I’ve watched what I can on YouTube to try and tie the moments and videos together, but I may be missing some things.

Do you happen to know why they call it this and where I may be able to get a full picture? Thank you!!!!

This is, in part, asking the impossible. Because you will likely get a different interpretation of the story with every person you ask. Plus there is so much and it's confusing no matter what. Lol So like everything else, it's best to dive into it all and draw your own conclusions. So I'll do a general overview of it all and then I'll get into why a lot of people, but especially the queer community, thinks it's gay. This is going to be an incredibly long post probably, so I apologize in advance lol. But I know I have a lot of baby armys on this blog too, so if yall are interested, hopefully this helps!

To start, it's always important to remind people that this is fictional. None of their relationships within this storyline or the things that they've gone through/did is an accurate portrayal of their real lives. Even if some things link up (like them all loving each other lots etc) they are playing characters, characters with their own names, but characters still. If we want to relate it to real life at all, the only thing we could do is possibly have an interesting discussion over the homoromantic themes BH included in this storyline full of trauma, angst, love and friendship and why they did that. Lol the general overall theme of this storyline though seems to be that SeokJin time travels in his efforts to save the other members, from outside forces and/or from themselves. As well as the overarching themes of the importance of friendships, etc.

So basically I'm going to go ahead and start this post off with a list of the videos, notes, webtoons, etc included in the hyyh BU storyline that you would need to watch/read in to get the best understanding of the story. As well as go ahead and tell you that the pairings are worth paying attention to. Which would be yoonkook, taejoon, jihope and then Jin is our main character basically. So yes, if you were just watching the videos, you definitely missed major chunks of the storyline. Also worth noting, the storyline can contain trigger warnings for violence, mental and physical abuse, suicide, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, homicide, and parental neglect. So just make sure you are good with all that before really digging into it.

The list, including links, in order of release:

BTS Begins Concert VCR

I Need U (original 19+ MV)

HYYH On Stage Prologue Video

Run MV

I Need U Japan MV

Run Japan MV

Epilogue Young Forever MV

Short Films 1 - 7 (Begin, Lie, Stigma, First Love, Reflection, Mama, Awake)

Blood Sweat and Tears MV

Blood Sweat and Tears Japan MV

The Wings Concept Book

Testesso "Smeraldo" Flower Shop Blog

Love Yourself Poster Translations

HYYH the Notes: Seokjin Translation

Highlight Reel: '起承轉結'

HYYH the Notes: Her

Euphoria: Theme of LY Wonder

HYYH the Notes: Jungkook Translation

Fake Love Teaser 1

Fake Love Extended Edition MV

HYYH the Notes: Tear

HYYH the Notes: Seokjin Translation

Comeback Trailer: Epiphany

HYYH the Notes: Answer

Smeraldo Books Twitter Account

Save Me Webtoon (15 episodes)

HYYH the Notes Book 1

HYYH the Notes: Persona

Game Concept Trailer

HYYH the Notes: 7

HYYH the Notes Book 2

BTS Universe Story Game

Some extra context, for the Testesso Smeraldo flower shop blog, this was started and found by ARMY after Seokjin tweeted out a photo with Smeraldo Flowers a couple days before the Love Yourself Era was introduced in 2017. It's a naver blog that is run by the owner of the fictional smeraldo flower shop that Jin encounters in the storyline. The blog basically describes the history of the flower leading up to the shops opening. None of the BU characters are named in the blog, but there are lots of hints pointing towards Seokjin being the customer that is described in multiple posts. The blog also has only been active and updating recently whenever BTS is having a comeback and starting a new era. The mentioned dates of the flower shop alleged openings have always been at the same time as BTS ends up announcing for their comeback. And the Smeraldo Books Twitter account was first opened with the introduction of the Save Me Webtoon Tweet. And has since posted notes for books 1 and 2, which contained all previous notes as well as unseen and updated ones too. And something to keep in mind as you read the notes too, each album seems to be a new timeline taking place and time leaps happening. So pay attention to the dates at the top of each of the notes.

There are many many many theories out there over wtf is even happening in this storyline. But there are a few key plot points that are "canon" and the theories are built around those. Basically the story starts with the boys all meeting and becoming friends in high-school, in the fictional world year 19. We see them meet in BTS Begins VCR, they got in trouble for being late and punished by needing to clean up an old storage classroom. They ended up becoming friends and using this classroom as a hideout and that is the start of the story. They fall apart a bit as adults.

A really good general story overview and theory of the storyline is done by Xceleste, which you can watch here if you want too

So since Celeste does a good job at talking about overall story plots and theories as well as pointing out things that are confirmed facts, etc. I'll just assume we all understand what's happening in the story and just talk about what things made some people think it's gay. In particular with yoonkook. Yoongi in the BU has some pretty severe attachment issues stemming from trauma. He does not want to be emotionally attached to anyone again. We see this in the notes when he is watching JK cry while playing the paino. JK himself having issues with fear of abandonment, self harm and suicide attempts (or successes depending on what timeline you are in). JK wanted someone to love him throughout his life while Yoongi was afraid of loving someone. He thought he wouldn't be able to protect Jungkook.

"I didn't want to be important for someone. I wasn't sure I could protect that someone till the end. I wasn't confident I could stand by that someone till the end. I didn't want to hurt that someone. I didn't want to get hurt" - Yoongi, The Notes, after finding JK playing the piano.

They often ended up meeting in this storage room to play piano and create music. Yoongi sharing that part of himself with JK. Despite him not wanting to care, it's clear he does when he steps in to protect JK from a teacher when they get caught in the storage room. Yoongi ends up expelled from the school and disappears. Yoonkook don't see each other again for like another 2 years. When I say this is angsty and traumatic 😭 its giving first love you never get over vibes

Begin short film had many things burning (which is a Yoongi connection), it starts off with JK calling Hyung and has him holding a painted portrait of Yoongi as well. In Yoongis First Love short film, we see him break into a shop to play the piano again for the first time in a long time, since giving up music after he got expelled. The piano ends up burning.. In the notes, Yoongi hears his song and runs finding JK who had broken into the shop to play the piano. Them meeting again for the first time in 2 years. We see the car speed past Yoongi in First Love, and in the notes we know that it's JK playing the piano he heard before the car almost hits him in an alternate timeline.

From the Save Me Webtoon, we can assume that this meeting again after he finds JK at the piano didn't go well. Yoongi rejects JK, telling him to just go. Which ended up with Yoongi in bed alone, horribly sad and running his hand over the empty spot in bed next to him. Missing someone. Missing JK? JKs shirt is also left with Yoongi in the motel room. And in making films, Yoongi talks about how for acting in this scene, he is sad from a break up.

In other timelines both yoonkook have attempted (and in the failed timelines, they succeed) suicides. Yoongi tries to commit suicide by fire, similar to his mother. After multiple attempts to save him, Seokjin realizes that just like Yoongi was the only one who could save Jungkook from jumping off the roof, JK is the only one who can save Yoongi.

"My last sight of this world was this dirty, isolated room, the red-hot flames and rolling heat, and JK's twisted face." - Yoongi, the notes, after he sets fire to his room and JK saves him

In the highlight reels after JKs car accident, he seems to make a friend to help him through his recovery in another girl at the hospital, but thinks of Yoongi often. Yoongi seems to have tried moving on, but not very well. He is either in a relationship with or good friends with another girl, but never seems super happy there. His breaking point being when he got a text about JK being in an accident but couldn't bring himself to go into his hospital room. Hoesok even bringing up that he should go see JK, "don't you know what you mean to him?" Being the exact quote he used that we see in the notes. Yoongi struggling to go see him because he felt that anyone close to him was bound to be hurt. When the girl Yoongi was with ends up playing at the hospital, JK recognized the music as the song he used to play with Yoongi in the storage room, and his lighter with Yoongi's initials hanging on her guitar. All his flashbacks were the softest scenes, honestly. And JK seemed to think of them so fondly. And in the behind the scenes that was filmed for those flashbacks, they were very awkward talking about the scenes they filmed and kept reiterating that it's not them in real life. Lmao which really lends to the theory they were playing boyfriends and knew the romantic undertones in these scenes playing out and what it looked like. "Complaining that they had to act like good friends" yes editors, "good friends." 🤣😅 The clip here:

Essentially with yoonkook, it was a lot of moments interlaced within their story and the way they talked to each other/about each other that really made it clear they were VERY important to each other, more so than the relationships they had within the group setting, which those were clearly important enough to time travel for. Lol the way their story interconnects in so many little ways with romantic undertones through all the interactions. A lot of people theorized that the piano in some ways represented JK in this storyline for Yoongi, making JK his first love as well along with music. The piano played when JK is around and stopped when he got into his accident. Yoongi getting up early with JK at the sea before everyone else to sit with arms around each other, smiling and gazing out to sea. JK giving Yoongi flowers in the Euphoria timeline video. They fight in Run over Yoongi breaking a promise to JK, theorized that the promise was to live. Resulting in Yoongi smashing a mirror with Blue Roses in its reflection, which is a flower that symbolizes unattainable love.

This is already insanely long, the main or most obvious "couple" in the BU was clearly yoonkook, but I think that there is a good argument to be made that Jihope and TaeJoon were also or had the potential to be more than just friends. Yoonkook is canon though, argue with the wall 😂

In high-school, Hoseok would walk Jimin home all the time, even though it was a really long way out of his way. They would dance together. We see videos of Jimin filming Hobi with the fondest smile on his face while he dances. He filmed Hobis dance partner too, which we learn is because Jimin wanted to be the perfect dance partner for Hoseok one day. Hoseok was also the one who took Jimin to the hospital the first time after his seizure before they didn't see each other again for 2 years. When they were both in the hospital, Hoseok slipped on the stairs and Jimin saves him. In both their short story films (Lie and Mama) we see similar situations and connections between the hospitals. We see Jimin continually look to the bed next to him, where Hoseok used to be, missing him. We see in Euphoria how Hoseok brings everyone together to help encourage Jimin to leave with them, to save Jimin from himself. Taking Jimin back home to stay at his house too. We even get in the behind the scenes for some of this footage of them in the hospital, when pretending to be in character during the scene where Jimin saves Jhope on the stairs, he calls Jhope "honey."

Plus we are getting quotes like during Hoseoks efforts to help Jimin in the hospital and help him escape.

"He reached for my hand..."

"Jimin, I'll come back for you"

"Hoseok said he would carry you on his back if he could"

And while Hoseok was watching Jimin dancing, he said "mistakes I saw during the practice approached me differently now. The small mistakes and amateurishness actually gave a unique wave. Jimin was different from me but he had his own timing, his own style of expressing. Jimin was shining and dancing in a way that moves people's hearts."

I'm just saying, they were very "I love you, let's live for each other" type of vibes.

Hyyh TaeJoon were basically the "be gay do crime" definition. Lol the tension in that loaded look between them as they got arrested. Like WOW okay. Plus, when Tae needed help, Namjoon was the first and only person he called. And always continues to think to call him first whenever he is in trouble. Literally placing all his faith and trust into Namjoon for a lot of things. Tae seemed to be one of the first to split off on his own. He found a new criminal friend, Namjoon seemed to have an interest in another girl for a while, but a lot seemed to stem from finding similarities of himself in her. They reconnected again in jail or in regards to being arrested (be gay do crime) later in the various timelines and quickly seem to be close again. We see similarities in their short Films as well, with the phone connections. Things or places or themselves being locked up/unreachable. We also see a lot of mirrored images through the MVs of moments that Taejoon were in together, to Tae being in alone. Alluding to feelings of lose and loneliness as well. Always again, saving each other. Looking out for each other, spending time together.

And we get quotes like this from Namjoon about Tae:

"And I asked myself: Do I believe Taehyung? And the answer was always the same."

"I feel like I'm losing my mind whenever I see him smile like that"

And from Tae about Namjoon:

"Can I stay here with you?"

"He held out his hand. I just kept looking up at him. His hand was warm."

Plus then we have the behinds where they say the scene they are filming is romantic and they are on a date, with Joon laying on Tae's arm 😅😂 idk what else to say about that. Lmfao

Basically HYYH BU is angsty trauma filled depression, queer youth found family with pillow fights, all the elements, and lots of flannel. And trauma. Trauma should be in this list 8 times. So much yearning and angst and hurt and trauma 😭 and now with Yet to Come being tagged "the most beautiful moment in life" aka HYYH, people are speculating that maybe we will finally get a conclusion to the BU storyline and everyone just wants a happy ending please. Lol there is honestly a lot more we could dig into to talk about symbolism and different motifs used. And all the potential queer coding happening, intentional or accidental. I know I definitely focused mostly on yoonkook here, but they really had the most going on. Like for real and the most angsty yearning codependency while being avoidant tendencies. Lol

Again, this is ALL FICTIONAL. THEY ARE ACTING AND PLAYING CHARACTERS. Lol please don't take any of this and translate it into real life relationships or scenarios. And again, this is mostly all theory too. So you can also go through and read all the stories (the notes books are still available for purchase on weverse) and decide for yourself what you think is happening. And it's okay to be confused. I'm still a little confused honestly too. Lol thanks for the ask. Sorry this is a whole ass essay and it took me so long! 💜

[mohluskiepedard]

Rating ATLA Characters literally only from what I’ve seen in fandom

or: posts that probably shouldn’t be on my writeblr except I don’t have a sideblog

the context here is it’s half midnight and I have never seen ATLA except I have opinions now apparently so here we go whoop de do- 

I’m also not actually rating them like numerically that’s too much work i’m just stating opinions I know I’m a fraud

AANG

- A child?  - A son?  - he is Baby. but also. he has had It Rough  - would make the updog joke - has unspeakable power or smth and everyone says he’s better than the Korra girl who comes after him but honestly tastes like sexism to me - doesn’t kill people because he’s like twelve, right? he’s like twelve so he refuses to kill people - I stan honestly - less twelve year olds should kill people - Some people say his name WRONG and they are BAD but i don’t actually know what the right way or the wrong way is so. have fun w that yall - lived in peace unTIL THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED 

KATARA

- She is also like twelve???  - Is everyone here twelve - Cortana?? Katana?? Catbug??  - She has good hair, - Her mother is dead??? her mother is dead n she has a brother but she cares about her mother being dead WAY more than him (or apparently the entire fandom??) - Badass - She seems soft. good. sweet - she’s a water breather or whatever??? her brother is NOT but he is a meme - I love her 

SOKKA

- NGL looks like a fuckboy  - The meme brother! does not do the water things, but he has an aXe???  - dates BAMF lady - ngl until I talked to my ATLA watching friend I thought he canonically dated Zuko  - kinda mad he doesn’t - I haven’t actually seen anything about him except like. in zuko ship posts and also Suki appreciation posts - joined the white lotus not-a-cult by accident???  - dark ATLA tumblr show me more Sokka posts - is his name prounounced the same way as Soccer or isn’t it I need to know - HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TURNED INTO THE MOON - (AND THAT’S ROUGH, BUDDY) - He and Suki are a good ship, but also, Sokka Has Two Hands

SUKI

- the BAMF herself - she says STOP in that photo but also to sexism - Rlly all I see of her in fanon is abt her teaching Sokka to drink his respect women juice and I appreciate her doing that but also it’s sad she never gets talked about outside of what she did for a man - I hope she has other badass moments w/o him it would suck if she didn’t - she is NOT the girlfriend who turned into the moon, she is the one who didn’t - I don’t know much else about her ATLA Fandom y’all should appreciate her more

ZUKO

- Look at him... my son... - He has a good redemption arc - he and his sister are evil lesbian and redeemed gay guy??? - has a straight canon ship but should’ve been with Sokka this boy is gay - I Want To Protect Him - That’s literally it - he has a cool uncle and his dad sucks  - people ship him with Katara and I Do Not Get It that’s his sister in law except not really - “We don’t trust Zuko’s change of heart” [the next day] “so Zuko is my closest friend now,”  - His dad was like “fuck up the avatar to prove your worth to me” and Aang was like “counter argument you already have worth and we should fuck up your dad” and I think that’s beautiful - he becomes the fire man and he’s very good at it - Zuko for President 2020 - in the words of myself, half an hour ago: “ I was like "that kid with the burn on his face seems like a sad but then happy mlm who needs found family" and I was RIGHT” - took too long to find a happy picture of him :( Zuko rights NOW please - His mother’s story got compared to an OC of mine and all I can say is oh no and they deserve better based on that alone - I have had Zuko for five minutes but if anything else happens to him I will kill everyone in this throne room and then myself

TOPH

- She is badass but like also will murder you while laughing maniacally? - for some reason reminds me of Nott from Critical Role, another show I Have Not Seen - Is blind but gets more out of making jokes abt being blind than she would from being able to see - “Sight is just a cheap tactic to make weak benders stronger!!!” - Literally the opposite of Aang and has killed many people?? - She Can Tell When You’re Lying. But I do not know how and Am simply mildly threatened by this - Therapist: Toph’s ability to know if you’re lying isn’t real and can’t hurt you. Toph’s ability to know if I’m lying:  - She and Zuko.... buddies???  - if not they should be - tiny sad boy needs friends like toph

AZULA

- Evil Lesbian Culture - [BDG Voice] You committed a war crime! Oopsie! - took be gay do crime too literally - her and Zuko have accurate sibling writin except instead of “you ever want to murder your sibling for breathing in the same space as you,” being a Joke Azula took it seriously - okay but with a name like azula she should be the blue bender this ANNOYS me she should NOT be red bender - AZULa  - AZUL - IT MEANS BLUE - She was half of y’alls gay awakenings and it SHOWS - Should have maybe been redeemed too??? Jury is out no one knows - Was she gay for Ty Lee or wasn’t she I can’t tell how much of that Audio is a joke - IS SHE ALSO TWELVE??? IS EVERYONE HERE TWELVE?? IS THIS TWELVE YEAR OLD COMITTING ATROCITIES? 

UNCLE IROH

- A Good Man - Finally, Some Good Fucking [Adult Figures]  - he has the tea. literally and figuratively - Ozai is like “and I will permanently disfigure my son and throw him out” and Iroh is like “What The Fuck, Ozai,” thus voicing the entire audience’s thoughts - Literally the only adult in this that I trust - I? I love him. this is all I have to say. my love for him is unending. Some1 protect this man from all harm   - he’s Zuko’s uncle (and also Azula ig) but he does not seem related to Ozai. is it just a theme in this family that one sibling is chill and one sibling commits horrendous atrocities against your fellow human beings or  - something happened to his son???? :((((( I Don’t Want Him To Have Suffered Like This

OZAI

- A BAD MAN - Uh Oh (stinky)  - THE WORST OF THE MEN  - I do not like him - Bastard man. nasty. committed war crimes and then went “but what if - get this - i also abused my son,”  - I would like him to Not Be Like This - by Like This I mean present and alive  - :/ 

TY LEE

- She’s NOT the There Is No War In Ba Sing Se lady and I don’t know why i thought she WAS but until I looked up her photo I thought that was her  - She looks like a sweetheart tho - I hope nothing bad happens to her????  - talks about auras??? or smth??? let her vibe - She would talk animatedly to me about warrior cats if she was in my year seven class and I was sat alone and I would understand none of it but appreciate her anyway - if azula bullies her I’ll be :( at Azula and Azula will not care because she has Mommy Issues and therefore is slightly unhinged - She seems like that one kid with no trauma vibing at the edge of [every other kid having trauma] and not really getting it but trying her best - Is she also twelve?????? She maybe looks twelve

CABBAGE MAN 

- HIS CABBAGES - fulfills my favourite trope: ordinary person repeatedly has life disrupted by the inconveniences of relying on actual children to save the world - probably has a campaign post canon for letting trained adults fix the worlds’ problems in the future - or sets up the Very First Cabbage Insurance Company - look at him. he loves his cabbages so much. you go you funky lil cabbage man

ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES MOMO

- LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO GOOD - small. fluffy. big ears - Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty: his Momoness - a Good Boy...

APPA

- he looks so soft... - he can fly but he just does it by??? vibing through the air?? motionless??? iconic - I saw that one post about mishearing it as Abba and thinking he was Aang’s dad and he looks like he would be a good stand in dad ngl - he’s so LORGE - a chonky boy - love him

that is everyone I have heard of it and if I left someone out it’s a sign that y’all should talk about em more bc I have no clue they exist put more ATLA On my Dash ig I’ll do Legend of Korra ig maybe apparently that one has canon wlw and i love me some canon wlw

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

my chase! lore under the cut: 

33-37, cis male (he him), gay (important to his character development), 6’1”

ah yes, chase. the community’s favorite quote-unquote sad dad. the protagonist of the canon jacksepticeye ego lore. and here he is, last but not least on my list. chase is probably the most complex out of all my versions of the egos. theres…a lot to this guy. i wont talk too extensively about him, but still, hang in there with me yall. major tw’s for like, abuse, suicide, addiction, age regression and trauma responses

so lets start off with backstory. its very upsetting, lets just say that, and im just straight up gonna say his life before the egos fucking sucks. he had a miserable, abusive childhood, he dropped out of school and ran away to live with his sister who then died of a drug overdose, he met stacy in college and just when he thought he had stability in his life, all the stuff he went through seemed to come crashing down on him and he became an alcoholic, depressed disaster. stacy couldnt take care of him anymore as he got worse and worse, refusing to see anyone for his issues, which led to a messy divorce and chase’s 5th suicide attempt. which is where we leave off when chase is brought into the world by jack.

now when an ego is created, they dont automatically have all their memories, and barely know who they are. so it takes a few weeks to get acclimated and “remember” their past life, if they had one. chase, well, he kept getting hit with traumatic memory after memory, especially at night, waking up the other egos with his literally terrified sobbing. even as the memories of his hard life kept seeping in, he was going back to old habits, getting blackout drunk behind jackie and henrik’s backs, getting in bar fights that henrik had to bail him out of jail for. there were panic attacks and screaming at the other egos, and he did this thing where he hid under his bed for hours that jackie and henrik began to realize was involuntary age regression. chase didnt want to deal with being alive anymore, if im being honest. jack wanted nothing to do with him, and jackie was scared jack was going to get rid of him like he did marvin.

and thats where jackie really shines in chase’s story. he was, in his mind, a fuckup that nobody wanted, and he assumed jackie and henrik would give up on him like everyone else. but the thing is, they didnt. jackie, despite his own issues and his own frustrations, never gave up on chase. even when chase kept drinking, even when he screamed in jackie’s face that he hated him, jackie stayed with chase, loving on him even in his worst moments. and really, it sounds cheesey, but all chase needed was someone to love him unconditionally. someone who wouldn’t leave him like everyone else. someone who gave him actual support through his ptsd and his addiction.

and yeah, it took time, but chase put down the bottle and started getting himself back in order. he started going to therapy for his issues (we’ll discuss that in a moment) and actually started putting in effort to be better, because he didnt want to keep hurting henrik or jackie, because he loved them, really he did. he started up a twitch channel, which gave him something to do at first, but eventually gave him a source of income. and he got a dog. very important. chase got an emotional support golden retriever named sunshine. and that dog brings him so much joy every day, just having something to care for and something to get out of the house to go on walks with. he loves that dog a lot.

but with the eventual improvement in chases life theres something else. his therapist. was anti. remember how i mentioned anti was a psychiatrist? yeah that really comes into play here. now ok, in some ways, dr. angus jackson quote unquote helped him. he talked about his trauma, he learned to understand his age regression, he was able to really work through his issues. but that doesn’t mean anti was messing with his head, or getting information about the other egos because he wanted to, or even forcing chase to cry about his past or age regress for antis own amusement, which is obviously very fucked up. chase eventually saw past anti’s manipulation and was able to recognize who he was, which was a terrifying revelation. and after anti…he had a hard time trusting a new therapist.

so in general, chase doesn’t have a lot to offer for the “plot” if you want to call it that to be honest. but i think hes still important, especially to the other egos. he’s constantly battling his mental illness throughout the story, but he has lots of support. he and jackie are best friends, and he loves his dog and his job.

personality wise for chase, hes a big ole softy. he used to be super mean and nasty when he was first born, but he was able to let down his walls and let himself be soft around the other egos. hes real sweet and chill. he likes hugs and is a guy you can hang out with and talk to.

[sunflowersoldat]

All is Fair~ In Love & Luck

Chapter 5: All is Fair in Love & Luck

Previous Chapter

Main Master List

Series Master List

Series Summary: Family is important, but so is the Family business. Everyone has secrets, some are deadly. Your the best in the business, but no one knows who you are. Tensions are high, will you raise the stakes or fold under pressure?

Series Warnings: 18+! Mentions of blood and violence, bad language words, smut, manipulation, gaslighting, death, trauma, please follow the warnings for each chapter.

Chapter warnings: 18+ Only! Bad language words, angst, plans of assassination, blood, light smut (on top of the clothes stuff).

Pairing: Mob!Steve x Assassin!Stark!reader

Word count: approx. 5.8K (sorry this one is a doozy)

A/N: This took me way too long to write lol. I really hope yall enjoy it! feedback is always welcome, let me know your favorite part. Things are about to get really dicey really quickly, so enjoy the semi-calm we have.

You formally met the rest of his ragtag family at dinner, it was odd to see how everyone interacted. They were genuinely a big family, unlike how your father and brother ran their business. Only Nat, Pepper and Happy were considered anything more than foot soldiers, or even allowed at the family table.

After dinner you and Steve went out on a small walk around the estate, hand-in-hand as the sun was setting over the forest, its light casting a peachy glow over the sky, giving way to the deep navy of the night sky flecked with glistening stars. 

The two of you walked in a comfortable silence, as he led you around the front of the mansion, the circle-drive came into view, sitting in the glow of the sunset was a beautiful black motorcycle. As the two of you approached, Steve released your hand, “Have you ever ridden?”

Glancing up at him, you smiled wickedly, “A motorcycle? Yes.” getting closer, you admired the old bike, tracing your hand over the genuine leather seat and the gleaming body. “A 1942 Harley-Davidson liberator? She’s beautiful.” you looked up at him again, his sapphire eyes sparkling as they watched your every move. “Is she yours?”

He nodded slowly, “She is. She was a gift from my mother when the mantle was handed down to me. She and my father collected vintage cars, most of which I didn’t keep after they passed. I didn’t really have a need for them, but this one…” he took a deep breath, “It’s special.”

Walking closer, he swung one leg over, settling on the leather seat, offering you his hand, “Care for a ride?”

You placed your hand in his, gently straddling the seat behind him, he gazed back at you, as the engine rumbled to life. The low grumble sending vibrations through your body, he pulled your hand around his waist, settling it there he tapped it, “Hold on tight Angel.”

The ride was peaceful, with the brisk Autumn breeze nipping at your skin and through your hair. Burying your face into his neck, arms tightening around his waist as he drifted around a curve a little too fast, before pulling into a quiet lakeside grove. “What do you think?” his soft, timbre voice cut through your thoughts, 

“It’s beautiful.” Your eyes are glued to the serene landscape around you. A small dock leading out over the lake, a small secluded cabin on the other side.

He chuckled, swinging off the seat, “I was talking about the chaos at the mansion.”

“Oh, right…” you felt your cheeks heat, “They’re great! They treat me as if I've always been here. I see why you are so protective of them. They truly love you. It’s not just respect, you’re their family.” 

He sighed, “They’d follow me to hell and back, shit a couple of them have…” he stepped closer to you, lifting your chin with his knuckle, “If any of them make you feel bad or–”

You shook your head, “Steve. You are their family, they are just as protective over you as you are of them. Anything they do is just to keep you safe…” you sigh, grabbing his hand, “Trust me I more than understand.”

He brushed his nose against yours, “They love you, if they don’t already, they will. I have no doubt about it.”

You weren't too sure about that, Bucky seemed to have a vendetta against you, and you weren't sure how to fix it. Your stomach churned, a slow realization dawning on you. After the mission was over, it wasn’t just killing Steve, or creating chaos. You were destroying a family. They would surely attempt to seek revenge… What a waste of potential. 

You looked at him curiously, you couldn’t quite figure him out, this man who was supposed to be terrifying, was anything but. He was soft, kind hearted, you couldn't imagine him hurting even a fly, but there was something there. Lying just beneath the surface, it set your instincts on fire. The alarms in your mind told you not to trust him, not to push him, yet you wanted to. Something about this man made you feel calm, but at the same time made fire erupt under your skin. 

He turned to you as he rummaged through the saddle bag, pulling out a bottle of wine with two glasses, and a small container of strawberries. He lifted them, “Courtesy of Wanda.” giving you a small smile, he began to walk towards a nearby tree. 

Rolling your eyes you followed, he wasn’t the spontaneous type, every part of his day meticulously planned, “Do you always plan everything?”

Giving you a lopsided smile, he shook his head, “Not everything. Some things are spontaneous.” he lifted the full glass of wine to you, taking it you raised a brow, “Oh, so you didn’t plan on coming out here?” you teased, settling down on the grass next to him.

He chuckled, “Okay tonight was planned. But I have made spontaneous decisions.”

You lifted your wine, taking a sip, “Like what?” You challenged, not believing him.

He looked out over the calm water, thinking, “You.”

You scrunch your brows, “Me?”

He pursed his lips, eyes glued to the glassy lake, “When I saw you at the casino and jumped into the elevator, I didn't have a plan. I just hoped.” he placed his empty glass onto the grass, his calm eyes finding yours, you took a long drink of your wine, “I saw you, and all logical thought left my mind.” a sad smile pulled at his lips, “I’m a very strategic man, Angel, there isn't much I do without a reason, much like your brother…” your eyes snapped to him, “But, you.” he grabbed your wrist, guiding you to straddle his hips, placing a soft kiss to your wrist, before plucking the almost empty glass from your hands.

Cradling your face in his hand, he lightly traced his thumb over your cheek, “You… You were the wildcard, I wasn't expecting anyone to play. You materialized out of thin air…” his forehead met yours, “You’re heaven sent, Angel. Something I’ve been searching for…” his thumb softly traced your wrist, “for a long time.” 

Your heart raced in your chest, squeezing your eyes shut before gently pulling away, you took in the scenery around you. The sun was gone now, the soft light from the moon above illuminated the silent grove, the occasional twinkle of fireflies flickered around you. 

This. This is what you had wanted, the whole reason you wanted out of the business. You had given your resignation, you were ready to find your place in the world, to settle down. That was before the accident, before the gala, before the new assignment, and before him. 

He was the wrench thrown into all your plans. The real wildcard, a card that wasn't meant to be played. Family heads were off limits, placing a bounty on their head was against the rules. For the dealer to accept one was unheard of, the offered amount must have been ludicrous. Something wasn't right, and you knew it, but it wasn’t your business, your assignment was to gain intel, and kill him when the word was given. Nothing more, nothing less. You had to finish your mission.

He pulled you back down to him, lips capturing yours, the kiss building, the passion implying he wanted so much more from this, not just this date. He wanted more than you were able to give him. And it hurt deep inside, beneath it all, beneath your pride and insistence this was only a mission.

You could feel him holding back, the corded muscle under his skin, taught, ready to snap. You smirked to yourself, the beast within, the one you’d heard so much about. you'd like to see it, this calm, composed man, to lose control in front of you, to see what he was hiding, what he was capable of. It would make a good distraction to the swirl of thoughts fogging up your brain.

You needed it. 

You ground against him, causing a feral growl to erupt from him as he pulled away, breaking the kiss, the two of you breathless, his pupils lust blown. “Steve…” his name leaving your mouth in a breathy whine as his hands slipped under the fabric of your shirt. Burying his head in your neck, his lips leaving soft kisses against your raging pulse. “Not here, Angel.”

Rising to his feet, he loaded you and the wine with the berries onto the bike, bringing it roaring to life. You looped your arms around his waist, casually slipping your hands under his shirt, dipping lower, past the waistband of his pants and boxers. Brushing against his hardened member, his body tensed, your name leaving his lips in a low voice, a strained warning, that had you smiling wickedly. 

—

You arrived back at the mansion in record timing. He stepped off the bike first, you moved to follow, but were hastily scooped into his arms. He wrapped your legs around his waist, lips crashing with yours, so consumed by you he didn’t notice the black vehicle parked farther up the drive.

His hands roamed your body burning you into his mind, your hands in his hair and clutching to his back. Shutting off the alarms blaring in your mind. His hand left your body only momentarily to open the front door, toeing it the rest of the way open.

Only to kick it shut behind him, the sound echoing through the foyer. The two of you were heading for what you assumed was his room, but a throat cleared behind you. Steve broke the kiss, a brow raised, irritation ignited in his eyes as he glanced around you. “Evening Rogers, and Little Stark.” You recognized the gravely disembodied voice, a sneer splitting your lips as you watched Steve’s jaw clench. The man you had come to recognize disappearing before your eyes.

You turned your head to see both Thor and Loki standing there, waiting, watching. You glared back, as Steve released you, another door opening then slamming shut. Bucky emerged, fuming, his weapon holsters strapped to his chest, Peter following close behind attempting to soothe him.

Bucky turned from Peter, his eyes landing on you and Steve, “Where the hell have you been!? Phone turned off, what if something-“ 

“Barnes.” Steve’s voice cut through Bucky’s worried scolding. 

You turned your gaze back to Steve, his eyes cold, body tensed, power rolled off him. A shiver ran up your spine as Bucky cleared his throat, the headstrong man almost submitting, but you could feel the apology in the air. 

“Odinson, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this evening.” Steve’s tone was cold, cordial, but cold. 

Your gaze met Loki’s, his green eyes followed the conversation, until they locked with yours they softened, calm, but his body language telling a different story. He was next to his brother, yes, but just out of reach. His arms folded securely across his chest. Face void of any expression aside from boredom. 

“Business Rogers, it’s always businesses.” A small smirk lifted one side of Thor’s mouth.

“Regular business hours are over Thor. Make an appointment with Wanda or one of the men and we can talk then.” Steve moved towards the staircase, hand grasping your wrist to follow.

Something flashed across Thor's eyes, his jaw clenching, “This really shouldn’t wait. Rogers.”

Steve stopped, turning to Peter, “Queens, accompany Angel to my room or wherever she would like you to take her.” He then turned to Thor, “My office is upstairs.” 

Peter joined you at the bottom of the stairs as Steve caressed your face, his eyes softening, “This won’t take long. I promise.” 

You nodded, giving him a small smile as he ascended the stairs, Thor, Loki and Bucky following behind. Thor gave you a knowing smile, “Shouldn’t take long young Stark then he will be yours again.” He winked as he passed by.

The continuous use of your brother’s link to you began to grate on your nerves as you stared daggers into Thor’s back, both Loki and Bucky turned to give you an apologetic look before disappearing along with Steve and Thor upstairs.

Peter cleared his throat next to you, “What would you like to do, Ms. Carbonell?”

You sighed leaning against the baister, “Honestly? A bowl of ice cream and a bath sound amazing.”

You turn your gaze to Peter, a smile breaking onto his face and his eyes light up at the mention of the sweet snack, “Ice cream? Yeah, I can get you some, follow me.” quietly he leads you into the kitchen, he motions for you to take a seat at the bar. Alpine hopping onto the counter in front of you, making her way under your hand, encouraging you to scratch her back as Peter rummages through the freezer and cabinets.

You watch as he places two bowls onto the counter and begins making you and him a bowl. “Steve calls you Queens, why?” you ask casually, Alpine taking up most of your attention.

His head pops up from the ice cream, “Oh, that's just where I’m from, my Aunt lives there… It’s nothing special.”

You nodded slowly as he placed your bowl in front of you, before moving to the seat next to you, softly scratching Alpine’s head as he passed, getting comfortable on the bar stool. 

“Don’t you have a nickname? Like from your brother or any friends?” he asks around a spoonful of ice cream.

You take a bite of your own, contemplating a good answer. You couldn't really tell him most people call you death, or some other form of the word in whatever language they speak. Jake gave you the nickname first, as the Ace of Spades, you were usually dealt as the last resort. Or by request of the client, you were never requested by name of course, only by title. “Well, no, but Tony calls me Squirt…” 

—

Steve led Thor and Loki to his office, Bucky following close behind, as he opened the door to allow everyone in, Thor stopped him.

“I’d like to speak with you alone Steve.”

Steve glanced at Thor, then nodded to both Bucky and Loki before closing the door and leaving them in the hall. Steve walked to his desk, taking a seat, clasping his hands in front of his face, “You have my undivided attention Thor, what can I do for you?”

Thor smiled faintly, “No, no, no, Steve, it's what I can do for you.” Thor leaned back in his chair, caressing his beard, “You see, the turmoil between the families has been brought to my attention.”

Steve’s eye narrowed at Thor’s words, “If you are speaking of my relationship with Stark’s sister, this conversation will be over before it begins-”

“No, I care little about who you keep between your legs and sheets, Rogers.” Steves jaw clenches, the not so subtle jab about his you being a mere fling doesn't escape him. “No, I am referring to the havoc Stark is wreaking on your businesses.” Thor continues, rising from his seat, “You see, it isn't just affecting you and your businesses, it's affecting all of us and it must end.”

Making his way to the bar cart, Thor pours himself a glass, taking a long swig before speaking again, “Stark is a lost mut, chomping at the bit since his parents died. He is looking for someone to blame, we all know that now you have his pretty little sister, his eyes are on you.” 

“I’m failing to see where you are going with this Odinson, and I'm losing my patience,” Steve ground out through grit teeth.

Swirling the glass, Thor sighed, “Your businesses need protection–”

“They have protection. Are you suggesting I can’t protect my own–”

A dark chuckle escaped Thor’s throat, “Not at all Steve, I am merely suggesting we crack the whip with Stark. My father, gods rest his soul, would never have let any of this get so far out of hand…” he poured himself another glass as Steve’s cold stare followed his movements, “We need a Don, Steve, someone who can keep the peace. I could help quell with useless squabble between the two of you. So you can continue to play with his sister, and we can get back to making money. Because we all make more money when we work together, all I ask is for your vote.” he moved towards the bar again, “help me, to help you.”

Throwing back the rest of his drink, he walked towards the door, turning back one last time he met Steves icy gaze, “I wonder how she would feel, knowing she is the reason your empire is crumbling.” he turned the knob, opening the door “Think about it Stevie.” he quipped as he disappeared outside the office door.

Standing from his desk, Steve took a deep breath, his blood boiling. If it would have been anyone else aside from Thor, he would have the men cleaning their brains off his bookshelves. He ran his hand through his hair, the door to his office opening again as he slammed his fist down on the desk, “Fuck!”

He looked up to find Bucky standing quietly, his weapons still buckled to his body, Steve cocked his head, maybe Thor was right, he had let Tony get away with too much, it was time to fight fire with fire. He had tried to stay neutral, let Tony have his tantrums, for your sake, but enough was enough. Now Steve’s leadership was being questioned, and he couldn't have that.

“Bucky, gather the men, meet me in the garage. We are going to hit a few of Stark’s warehouses, make sure we send a message. He fucks with us we fuck with him. I want him to hear it loud and clear.”

Bucky blinked at him, yesterday Steve had yelled at them and told them not to retaliate, and now he wanted them to send a message. “Steve–”

“Just do as you're told Buck and get outta my office.” Steve saw the hurt flash across Bucky’s face when the words reached his ears. He knew he was being an ass, but he just couldn’t deal with it right now. All the men knew better than to talk back, or raise their voices, especially in front of other families. Bucky had done both, on the same day. So when he straightened, nodding his head before leaving the room Steve ignored the pang in his stomach when he remembered you were waiting on him.

—

You were asleep in bed when Steve returned to the mansion and entered the room, your hair still damp from your bath he assumed you had taken. You were on top of the covers, no doubt waiting for him to come and join you. Placing a kiss to your forehead, he tucked you under the covers, whispering promises to make it up to you tomorrow. But for now, he needed a shower, to rinse the blood, and grime off himself. 

After showering, he lowered himself into bed, curling himself around you as you turned over, tucking your head between his neck and shoulder.

“Where did you go?” your sleepy voice rising in the darkness.

“I had some unexpected business, baby, it took longer than expected. I'm here now though. Just get some rest. We can talk about it in the morning.” he breathed into your hair, placing a gentle kiss upon your temple.

 He took a deep breath, inhaling your scent, a sense of calm washed over him, chasing away all the screams and horrific acts of violence from the past twelve hours. You were his peace. His lighthouse in a storm. And he would spend every day showing you what you meant to him.

—

You woke first, the early light of sunrise bleeding through the curtains. Steve lay asleep next to you, for the first time since the two of you have been together, you got a good long look at the tattoos that painted his skin. Most of the ink remained on his chest, across one pectoral, a medusa head, blindfolded, her snakes tangling around his shoulder and other pec, intertwining with a broken clock. You followed the inked details down one of his arms, lady justice stood on one forearm, her sword in one hand and scales in the other, balanced. On his other arm, a pair of wings. Not a stitch of color, just the stark black against his tanned skin. You wondered about the story they told, and made a mental note to ask him later. For now you need to get dressed and head into the city.

—

“I’m telling you, I can beat you with a rematch. Just you and I kid, I guarantee I can win.” Bucky pressed, sitting next to you in the vehicle, Scott and Sam in the front seats.

You squeezed Steve’s hand as you rolled your eyes, laughing lightly, “Listen Boinky, if you really want me to kick your ass, all you have to do is ask.”

He rolled his eyes as the car came to a stop in front of the small cafe you were set to have lunch in, Bucky exiting the vehicle first, offering you his hand as Steve exited on the other side. You took his hand, looking around on your own, unable to shut off your instincts. As your head cleared the door, you were able to see through the sea of people walking, a familiar blonde head catching your eye. The sun momentarily glinting off the gun in her hand as she raised it, hurrying out of the vehicle, you tried to shove Bucky out of the line of fire only to stumble on the curb, falling into Bucky. 

The gunshot rang in the air, the crowd swarming in panic, screaming as they tried to get to safety.

Bucky caught you as you fell, the two of you tumbling to the ground, his body cushioning your fall, only to flip you under him to shield you.

You heard Steve yelling, as well as Scott, the thunderous sounds of footsteps making it hard for you to focus. Your head pounding, Bucky pushed off you, reaching down to help you up, as his hand wrapped around your arm, a scream clawed its way out of your throat. Searing pain radiating on the left side of your chest and shoulder, reaching up, you could feel the blood seeping through your shirt. Steve rounded the back of the car as you lifted your crimson painted hand to your face, vision blurring as you watched Bucky’s face blanched. 

Steve’s muffled order to get you back in the car is the last thing you heard before losing consciousness. 

—

The sterile smell of medical supplies pulled you from your blackout, a dull pain throbbed right below your left collarbone. You tried to push yourself up, but the dull pain turned volatile. Groaning you dropped back down-

“Woah, easy Ace, easy.” 

Your eyes snapped open at the nickname, next to you sat Bucky, shirtless, pushing at the woman in the lab coat so he could reach for you, concern lacing his features.

“Oh, good morning Ms. Carbonell.” the woman turned to you, her ID tag reading Dr. Helen Cho. you met her eyes as she walked over to the side of your bed, moving a pillow behind you, helping you to sit up. You glanced around the room, in the chair to your right sat Steve, head propped on his hand, leaning towards you, asleep, the early morning light dancing through his blond hair painting it gold. 

You turned back to Bucky as Dr. Cho finished patching his wound, your brows scrunching had he called you Ace? Did he know? If so, you couldn't imagine you would still be breathing. “New nickname?” you asked quietly. He gave you a soft smile, thanking the doctor, “Yeah, it seems fitting. You happen to be really good at poker as well as almost anything you try, and you’re probably the luckiest person I've ever met.”

You shook your head, “I wouldn't consider being shot lucky…”

“Neither would most people, but you are lucky to be alive.” Dr. Cho pointed to your injury, “The bullet pierced right under your collar bone, yet right above your shoulder blade, a clean entry and exit wound.” she gestured to Bucky, “clean enough to graze it's more likely target.”

You nodded, giving Bucky an apologetic look, “Don’t give me that look, Ace, it’s me that should be sorry, you took a bullet for me, one that could have easily killed you–”

“Yeah but it didn't.”

“In all reality it should have–” Dr. Cho interrupted, giving you a serious look, before checking your IV and beginning to check your vitals, “If it would have been an inch lower, it would have punctured a lung, another inch maybe a little more, you wouldn't have made it off the pavement.”

In all your years, you had been beaten, stabbed, shot, but never this close to any damage being anything but superficial. “It is just a flesh wound now, it's been cleaned and dressed. You are also on heavy medication, I recommend bed rest for a few days. Other than that you should be fine.” she began to leave, “I’ll be back to check on you in a few hours, when everyone is awake. Rest.”

Once the door closed, you turned your gaze back to Bucky, you could feel his eyes burning into you, “Binky. I’m fine.”

He chewed his lip, furrowing his brow, “You can call me Bucky you know…” his icy eyes locking with yours.

You raised a brow, a smug smirk pulled at your lips, “Does this mean we are friends Barnes? I distinctly remember you telling me–” 

“You took a bullet for me kid, the least I can do is allow you to call me by my name.” he smiled sadly, standing from his seat, rummaging through the closet of the room you were in. Pulling a t-shirt from its hanger, he began putting it on.

The serious topic began making you uncomfortable, you needed to lighten the mood, “Well, looks like I’m not good at everything I try. I wouldn't exactly get high marks as a human shield–” you pointed to his bandaged wound.

He huffed a laugh, rolling his eyes, looking at the sleeping mob boss next to you, “Don’t let him hear you joke about it…”

Your head rolled to the side, giving you an unobstructed view of Steve, “how long was I out?”

“Not long, 24 hours give or take.”

“Has he moved?” you gently brushed the hair from his forehead, hovering there.

“No.”

You turned back to Bucky, eyebrows scrunched, “Why? What about business or–”

“You are all that matters.” Steve's husky voice cut you off, “The rest can wait.”

Your gaze snapping to him, you met his ocean eyes, red tinged, from the lack of sleep, the light bags under his eyes letting you know that the hours of sleep he got were few and far between. His hand coming up to intertwine with yours, he pressed the back of your hand to his cheek, “Hello Angel.”

You gave him a small smile, your tumb caressing his hand, as he placed a kiss to your knuckles—

“You can take your appointment and Shove it where the–” a familiar voice thundered down the hall.

Your head snapped toward the door, Bucky’s and Steve’s gazes following.

Bucky began walking towards the door, “Stay here, I’ll check it out.” As he reached the door, he was shoved backward as the door opened inward, nearly knocking him on his ass. Your brother stormed through the door, chest heaving, face a deep shade of red, you were surprised he didn't have smoke pouring from his ears. 

When his eyes met yours, you could swear his knees gave out, his features softening, shoulders slumping, he stumbled toward you, stopping just short of the bed, his gaze landing on Steve next to you. “Is this what you wanted, Rogers?”

Steve’s jaw clenched, but he remained silent, “First my warehouses, now my sister?! You almost got her killed!”

“Tony, that's not fair! You can't blame him for this, he had no control over the situation.” you argued, pulling yourself from Steve’s grip to face your brother fully.

“This. This isn’t staying out of the business. You were fine at the museum, before him. And now you're a target because of his recklessness!”

Steve rose from his seat, his voice raised, “My recklessness?! If you would just let your sister make her own decisions and not throw tantrums when she picks someone you don't agree with, we wouldn't be in this situation. I can’t control hired assassins Tony!”

Your head began to pound again.

“That’s the problem isn't it Rogers, control. You don't have much of it.” 

“What is that supposed to–” 

“Enough!” you interrupted, “that's enough, both of you.”

Steve’s head fell, but Tony just glared at him, “Look at me, Tony.” he slowly tore his gaze from Steve. You looked to Bucky who had stationed himself close to the door, then looked at Steve’s back, “Can the two of you give me a moment with my brother.”

Both the men nodded, heading for the door, as Steve left, he glanced back at you, he looked defeated, his eyes pleading you to understand. You didn't blame him, you stepped in front of that bullet. You weren't sure why, it was obviously meant for Bucky. You just hoped you had done a well enough job of pretending to fall into him, and not purposefully becoming his human shield.

“This is not the time nor the place for this conversation Tony.” you met his gaze, your eyes hard, you appreciated his concern, but all he was doing was making matters worse and making an ass out of himself. 

“Squirt, if you would have just listening to me from the beginning, we wouldn't be here, all I wanted was for you to be–”

“Tony, stop. I made my decision. I knew the risks of being seen with him. I accepted that.”

“Well I don't! You are leaving here with me, I am taking you home, Dr. Banner can help you recover…” he continued to ramble, making his way to the bed, he began unplugging monitors and cords attached to you, making his way to a duffle back, he began throwing your clothes in.

“Tony, Tony stop!”

He froze, swallowing.

“I am not going anywhere.” 

Turning he opened his mouth to retaliate.

“No. You don't talk, you listen. I am staying here with Steve. If you wish to have this discussion we can meet at a different time after I've recovered and we can talk.” 

His brown eyes glassy as he held your gaze, “I can't lose you too…” his voice breaking.

“You won't. I am fine, it is only a flesh wound. But Tony, you can't control my decisions. If you do, you will lose me by choice.”

He took a deep breath, swallowing hard, “You promise we can talk after?”

You nodded, gesturing for him to come to you, embracing him, “I promise, for now just trust me. Okay?”

You felt him hesitate, squeezing you, before nodding in agreement, “Okay.”

“Now go, stop making an ass out of yourself. I’ll see you soon.”

Releasing you he moved to the door, hesitating he looked back, “Pinky swear you’ll be alright?”

You lifted your little finger, “Pinky swear.”

He nodded, opening the door, allowing Steve to enter as he exited, “Rogers…” Steve turned back looking at Tony, “Keep her safe. Or you will take her place in that bed.” 

“With my life Tony.”

“I’m counting on it.”

Tony brushed past Bucky who in turn glared at him as he left. Bucky stepped in the door, but Steve turned to him, “Could you give us a few Buck?” nodding Bucky left the room, the soft click of the door filling the uncomfortable silence.

Steve knelt in front of you, his head resting in your lap momentarily, you gently run your hands through his hair. 

Lifting his head, his eyes met yours, your heart skipping a beat in your chest. His eyes were so full of emotion, it knocked the wind from your lungs,  “I thought I was going to lose you Angel.”

He rose, picking you up from the bed, placing you into his lap as he sat down. His forehead resting against yours, his breath fanned over you, his lips tantalizingly close, you allowed your eyes to slip shut, tilting your head so your lips met in a soft kiss. One of his hands cupped the back of your head, keeping you as close as he could. His hands never leave your body too afraid to leave you, as if you would disappear if they did. “You are the best thing that has happened to me, in a long long time.” he breathed against your lips, “You are my guardian angel, my everything.” the pit opened in your stomach again, an icy hand gripped your heart. 

He pulled away, just enough to look you in the eyes, the blue becoming glassy, “Can you make me a promise?”

The grip on your heart tightened, stomach flipping, “Anything.” you wanted to be sick.

His hand came to caress your face, thumb softly tracing your cheekbone, “Promise me you wont leave… I won't lose–” he broke off taking a deep shaky breath, “I can’t lose you. You mean more to me than anything. More than my entire empire, if you wanted me to leave it all behind all you would have to do is ask.”

“Promise me. Promise me I won’t lose you, please Angel.”

He kissed you again, filled with so much emotion, it felt like your heart was being squeezed into dust, you were breathless when he pulled away again, your name a faint whisper on his lips, “I love you.”

The grip on your heart tightened further, you shouldn’t have accepted this mission, an icy chill ran up your spine.

“I love you too.” 

Your chest physically constricted as the words left your mouth. The pain radiating through your body, you gasped, only for his mouth to close around yours. Tears stung at your eyes, but you shoved them down, this was just a mission.

Just a mission.

Except it wasn't.

@dontbescaredtosingalong @texan-tazzy@tianamontag@daiseychaindisaster@silently-killing-you@buckyfan12 @leyannrae @justlovelifeblog@austynparksandpizza @captainson-of-coul@betareader7@vicmc624

[baya-ni]

Renga Shouldn’t Be Canon (clickbait)

No but seriously, I hope that Renga doesn’t become canon, at least not in the way that I think a lot of people are hoping that it will. Personally, I’m not expecting anything close to a kiss and confession and that’s fine by me.

Queerbaiting is a problem in mainstream media, there’s no doubt about it, and many people both within and outside the queer community are right to feel wary about hoping for that kind of representation. Personally, I’m still caught by surprise every time a queer person or couple is depicted in a normalized and healthy way onscreen. And that just speaks to the appallingly poor representation queer people are so used to seeing.

But I think that fandom likes to throw the word “queerbaiting” around a bit haphazardly, much in the same way faux woke people throw around words like “gaslighting” and “cancel culture”. They’ve become buzz words to evoke immediate feelings of self-righteousness and to prey on person’s fear of appearing ignorant or bigoted.

Unfortunately, I worry that when the season inevitably ends without Renga’s “canonization”, people will unfairly label Sk8 as Queerbait. And I have many Feelings about this- mostly frustration.

But we’re only mid-season. I can only guess where the show is going to go and only make assumptions about fandom behavior based on personal experience, and there’s a high possibility I’ll be proven totally wrong so... take whatever I say with a grain of salt. But anyway, let’s get on with it.

Fundamentally, Sk8 isn’t shoujo, it’s not BL- it’s a sports anime. And while that doesn’t preclude a total absence of romance between its characters, ultimately those aren’t the kinds of relationships that sports anime concerns itself with. The most prominent relationships you’ll see will be more along the lines of Teammates and Rivals (there's also a third dynamic I'm calling Opponents which is Not the same as Rivals but the Opponents dynamic is less relevant to my point so I'll focus on just the first two).

However, it's not hard to see why romantic interpretations are so common among fans of sports anime. At their core, the basis of Teammate and Rival dynamics bear many similarities to that of a compelling romance. Both Teammate and Rival relationships are built upon two characters' mutual admiration and respect for one another, they involve characters learning from one another and being inspired to push themselves to be their best. There's a great deal of trust involved, as is vulnerability, communication, and empathy. In other words, all the essentials of any healthy relationship.

But context and genre are important. I think that a good romance is one that is unique to its characters specific personalities and needs, as well as is believable within the context of the setting and story. For an anime like Sk8, I would find an on-screen kiss strange and out of place (unless it was done for comedic effect which would be... bad).

I'm reminded of this quote from Portrait of a Lady on Fire, which is one of my all time favorite films:

"Do all lovers feel as though they are inventing something? I know the gestures. I imagined them all waiting for you."

And that basically sums up what I've described, albeit more poetically. Love is invention. Romantic gestures form a unique language between lovers. And if I may add, genre and narrative establish the basis for the emotional significance of these gestures.

In a genre like action/thriller, one of the most meaningful things a character can do is risk their safety or straight up sacrifice themselves for another, because bodily harm and physical risks drive the tension in these kinds of narratives. In the romance genre, confessions, physical intimacy, and grand romantic displays serve the same purpose. In something like sports anime, I argue that its gestures like physically accommodating for your teammate, supporting them when they feel dejected, and being motivated to train harder and be better for the sake of being allowed to stand beside them, that hold equivalent significance.

But this is all broadly speaking, and genre is just one element. Characters’ personalities, habits, insecurities, and trauma, as well as a story’s themes, further specify the kinds of gestures that hold the most meaning in a narrative.

Let’s look again at Portrait of a Lady on Fire, on my favorite scenes:

Portrait is interested in subverting the power imbalance inherent between the Artist and the Muse, the Voyeur and the Subject, the Looker and she who is Looked At. Heloise’s observations of Marianne hold great significance because of this theme; she disrupts the power imbalance by taking back agency as the Subject, demonstrating that she is just as capable of Looking at the Artist just as the Artist does at her. This is visually represented by the framing of the final shot. With the camera pulled back, we now see Marianne as Heloise has been seeing her, and she is now subject to being visually scrutinized in the same way that Heloise has been up to this point in the film.

This scene is so poignant because the romantic gesture it depicts ties heavily to the story’s themes, its characters’ personalities, and its existence is believable within its genre.

Now, let’s bring this all back to Sk8. In this show, what sort of gestures are given the most significance?

Skateboarding. Duh.

Basically, this line establishes that “basis for emotional significance” that I mentioned earlier, such that skating is the means by which characters and relationships are developed and the plot is driven forward, that any and everything related to skating potentially holds symbolic meaning.

And specifically, equating the act of skating to love then allows for more romantic interpretations of all kinds of scenes. Take for example, these parallel sets of shots from ep 1:

(I mean cmon look at his tiny blush, it’s fucking adorable) And:

In a show that equates skating to a “ritual of love”, these scenes can be realistically be interpreted as Langa and Reki falling in love with one another. Skating acts as both the catalyst for their relationship as well as later on being the means by which they express their feelings and develop their relationship.

Skating is their love language.

Ok, I’ll try to wrap this up since this post has gotten wayyy too long. But basically my point is that Renga is about as canon as this show could possibly make it within the confines of its genre and narrative. Romance in sports anime is different from romance in shoujo, but it’s romance all the same, in the same way that different people express love in different ways.

A kiss and confession is not the only means by which a ship can become canon. And I personally would much rather have this kind of carefully crafted symbolism than a kiss just randomly shoehorned in.

But I understand that in the face of centuries of censorship, cop-outs, and barely believable and forced heteronormativity, people want same-sex intimacy onscreen, unapologetic and normalized. I get that.

But in my opinion, Sk8 isn’t queerbait, and it shouldn’t be accused as such just because its characters won’t kiss onscreen. I think this show depicts a wonderful and loving relationship between two boys, that isn’t any less loving just because it doesn’t fit into conventional romantic tropes.

Edit: I did a followup post about Sk8 and its queer representation here, where I go more in depth into the ways that Sk8 represents queerness through beyond its implied homo-romantic relationships.

So yeah, I’d love to hear yalls thoughts :)