#his time in the forbidden cities . . . how could that possibly be important

[the-way-astray]

on the bright side, this probably means shannon won't be able to pull a cliffhanger on us.

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 19

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 40K (yeah....i promise it doesn't feel like that much!)

warnings: cursing, lots of casual drinking, mature content, angst, mutual pining, a shit ton of sexual tension, slight jealousy, making out, kissing, mature language, dirty jokes, arguments, reference to depression, some self-blaming, whipped! hyunjin, a lot of fluff

a/n: this is definitely one of my favourite chapters, and ends with an arc I've been looking forward to for a while. it's a very hyunyn centric chapter, which is why i love it. i honestly could have worked on this chapter forever, because there's so much i wanted to include, and i hope you like the finished product. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read, and some light music to match. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

The snowflakes had settled on his coat, melting slowly in the warmth of the apartment, battling the cold from the outside where he’d left the door open. His eyes were filled with confusion, gaze moving from you to the duffel bag in your hands. The wheels clicked in his head, and oh, to know what went through Hyunjin’s mind when he put two and two together. You would kill to know how his mind worked, especially right now. His lips parted, but before he could say anything, you said, “What are you doing here, Hyunjin?”

His brows furrowed as some kind of epiphany sank in, “Are you going somewhere?”

It wasn’t an answer to your question, and you had no energy to justify yourself right now, “That doesn’t concern you.”

“What do you mean?” He took a step up tentatively like if he stepped too close, you’d run away. But you were, weren’t you? You were running away. You didn’t want to talk to him, not when all of your latest conversations with Hyunjin had ended in heartbreak. You had made up your mind, and you were going home. He obviously didn’t want you in your life, as he’d explicitly stated every time. So why the fuck was he at your doorstep?

You looked him in the eye, a bubbling anticipation rising within you at his possible reaction. He obviously wouldn’t care though, would he? He wanted you gone too. You swallowed, speaking clearly so he wouldn’t misunderstand, “I’m leaving, Hyunjin.”

“What?” A flash of confusion crippled his features. Just then, Jeongin’s voice carried through the stairwell, and you heard his footsteps as he ran up the stairs, yelling, “The taxi’s here! I already put your suitcases in the trunk.”

Hyunjin frowned, “Your suitcases? What is he talking about?”

Helpless, you stared at him. You had no clue how to explain this to him because it would mean admitting that you were wrong about everything. About moving here, about the classes, about Jieong… You weren’t going to be weak in front of him. His cheeks were red, courtesy of the quickly developing storm outside. It just meant you needed to get out of here as soon as possible, you couldn’t wait around for your train to get delayed because of the increment weather. It was fitting, because the snowstorm matched you. You tightened the grip on your bag, taking a step ahead, and your voice didn’t waver as you said, “It means that I’m going home, Hyunjin. To Daejon.”

“I’m sorry…what?” His eyes widened. You stepped closer, lugging your bag with you, “You heard me…” Finally, you came eye-to-eye with him in the middle of the staircase, “I never should have come here. It was my mistake. So you don’t have to worry about me being in your life anymore, and since you’re probably never coming back to Daejon then….” You swallowed, staring at him, and suddenly it was harder to speak the following few words, “Then… I guess this is goodbye, Hyunjin.”

He blinked at you, voice raising in his prolonged disbelief, “Wait…What are you talking about? What do you mean, you’re going home?”

You had no clue how to explain this to him, you suppose it was out of nowhere…but what did he expect? Right at that moment, Jeongin finally caught up to you on the sixth floor, and he stopped to catch his breath, hands on his knees, panting, “I have no idea why I just ran up all those stairs.” He straightened up, finally noticing Hyunjin, “How did you get into the building?”

Hyunjin looked back at him as if this was the last of his problems, stating bluntly, “I pushed open the door. It wasn’t locked.”

“That doesn’t mean you can just come into a stranger’s building, what the hell, dude” It should have been expected that Jeongin, obviously was unaware of and possibly didn’t give a fuck about idols. In any other circumstance, you might have found it funny. Hyunjin frowned at him, “I’m not a stranger. She knows me.”

You sighed, “Jeongin, I’ll be down in a minute. Thank you for getting the taxi.” Jeongin was still suspiciously glaring at him, then looked at you, face immediately relaxing, “Okay. The drivers really hate waiting, so I suggest you go soon, Y/N.”

Your decision was suddenly settling in and becoming more real. You gave him a nod, “Right. I’ll get going then.”

You stepped past Hyunjin, brushing his shoulder, and a part of you was satisfied that he didn’t have as big of an effect on you as he used to. You didn’t stop dead in your tracks because of him. You’d decided what you would do, and nothing Hyunjin could say would change your mind. It seemed like he was still catching up to this new information you’d dumped on him. His face was in disbelief as you passed him, and you hurriedly descended the stairwell. If you stopped to think about this decision, you might regret it, or you might cry, and you weren’t going to let either happen. The front door was in sight, and chills ran up your skin the closer you got. Your head was pounding with the weight of this hurried decision. You won’t regret this. You couldn’t. Daejon was your home, and you needed to be there.

Through the fog of your thoughts, you heard Hyunjin call your name. At first, your name sounded like a realization, and then it was more in desperation. The taxi waiting for you honked loudly, and you paused at the front door. Hyunjin’s footsteps were loud in the atrium, and he was running down the stairwell. He was running to catch up to you. It was a stupidly dangerous thing to do. He could fall or trip. That was the only reason you stopped, turning around in frustration, “What are you doing? You could get hurt.”

He gripped the rusty railing, and his coat flew behind him as he caught up to you, breathless, “What’s going on? Can you please just tell me?”

“It’s stupid to run down the stairs. What were you even thinking?” You frowned, heart calming down at seeing that he was okay.

“I’m not thinking.” His teeth grit together, and he was still breathing heavily, voice hoarse, “I don’t understand. Can you just please talk to me?”

“What part?” A sorry laugh escaped you, “I told you. I’m going back home. That’s it. There’s nothing more to tell. Goodbye, Hyunjin.”

He reached out, grabbing your arm to stop you, “No, but why?”

You weren’t going to tell him about what happened. Of course not. “I don’t know Hyunjin. There’s nothing in the city for me to stay for. Why are you even here? I thought you said you couldn’t be a part of my life.”

Hurt flashed across his face, which you couldn’t even comprehend. How could he be hurt right now after he’d pushed you out this whole time? You’d been in the same city as him for months, yet he never reached out to you, or apologized. He couldn’t just suddenly want something else when it was convenient for him. 

“But…what about the classes? What about Kim Jieong? He wouldn’t want you to leave.” He knew nothing about your time in the classes, he had no right to question you now. You squeezed your eyes shut, and all the emotions you suppressed came up. Just then, the taxi honked again, and the phone in your pocket started buzzing too. You looked at the caller ID. Felix was calling and you picked up, eyes on Hyunjin’s briefly, “Yes, Lix?”

“Have you left for the train station yet, love?” He was concerned, so full of care for you. Your heart softened, and your voice dropped as you held the phone tightly to your ear, “No, I’m on my way. I’ll keep you updated, okay?”

“It’s getting late. I’m worried about you.” He spoke. Hyunjin was staring at you as you took the phone call. Your gaze briefly flickered over him. Even now, after running down the stairs and walking through a freaking snowstorm, he looked like some kind of angel. There was snow all over his coat and his hair. His nose and cheeks were dark pink, and his lips were still bitten raw. “Don’t be worried. I’ll be home soon,” You mumbled, calming Felix’s tendency to worry about you. Felix had an unspoken excitement in his tone, “Okay. Love you. See you soon.”

You swallowed, highly aware of the man in front of you, “Love you too.” It’s as if those words changed the atmosphere. Hyunjin’s tense shoulders dropped as if resigning to a chosen fate. When you hung up, pushing the phone into your pocket, Hyunjin spoke, “So you’re just leaving? That’s it?”

“Yeah. What would you want me to do? Say goodbye? Maybe I would have, if I still had any way of contacting you,” You said. A taunt and petty jab, sure, but it was also the truth. Hyunjin wasn’t there when you needed him, so why was he here now?

He closed his eyes in regret. He couldn’t argue that. He knew it was the truth. After all, you two were practically strangers right now. You didn’t know what was going on in his life. You didn’t have any of his information. Yet he was here, in your apartment building. Curiosity tickled you, and you tilt your head, “Why did you even come here tonight, Hyunjin? Did something happen?”

His eyes pierced through yours, “I… wanted to talk to you. I would have come before, but… I’ve been traveling all month, I couldn’t help it”

“Right. Japan. Must have been nice.” 

You were aware you sounded like a bitch, but that was the only way you could distance yourself, so leaving him behind would hurt less. Except that would only work if he let you leave. He grabbed your arm again, pulling you close, “Y/N… what’s going on? Please…tell me what’s wrong.”

His eyes seemed so sincere. He seemed so sincere. And concerned for you. Your heart squeezed in worry. He must be so confused. If you really wanted to hurt him, you would leave right now with no explanation. It would show him how you felt, how it felt to be on the other side of things, to be cut off like this. But you weren’t him, so you’d at least try to offer an explanation.

“Hyunjin…” Before you could continue, the cab outside honked twice impatiently, and you realized all your suitcases were in the trunk. If the driver got pissed and drove off, your stuff would be gone too. Not that there was anything you still cared for in it. But you panicked, “Fuck…I would like to explain, but I don’t have the time. He’ll leave, and all my stuff’s with him. I’m sorry, you’re too late, Hyunjin.”

His face dropped into despair and that was all you had time to register before you turned away, walking out the door. The taxi was parked right outside with the engine running to preserve warmth. The apology was already on your lips, “I’m sorry sir. I got held up.”

The driver looked pissed as hell, and he glanced at you from his window, “You’re heading to the station? Because it seems like you’re wasting my time.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” 

He rolled his eyes, slurring words, “Either get in, or take your shit and get out”

“Don’t talk to her like that.” 

Oh god. 

Hyunjin had followed you out, obviously having overheard this. You turned to him, “I got this, okay? You don’t need to—”

“Dude, I have other customers too!” The guy yelled at him, clearly pissed by how Hyunjin talked back, “I don’t have time for this bullshit.”

Hyunjin was staring at him, eyes narrowed in annoyance. You didn’t know how he’d react. You’d never seen this side of him, and you reached out to him, “Hyunjin, whatever you’re thinking of doing, please don’t”

He bypassed you, stepping up to the guy, leaning in to rest on the driver’s side window, “How much?”

“What?” The guy spat back.

“How much does she owe you?” Hyunjin repeated in a calm tone. The taxi driver was eyeing him back, “For this nonsense, three hundred thousand won”

You almost laughed, “What?”

“Okay,” Hyunjin replied, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, he reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He took out his credit card, and handed it to him calmly, “Please open the trunk”

The guy also didn’t seem to believe it, and he was wide-eyed, grabbing Hyunjin’s credit card to swipe it. And then with ease, Hyunjin grabbed your suitcases, pulling them out and settling them down on the curb.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir. I hope you have a good night,” Hyunjin said to him, still in a calm voice that contrasted with the drivers’. The guy looked up at him, “Yeah. Whatever, dude.”

And then he drove off in a plume of smoke and snow.

“What the fuck, Hyunjin?” 

You’d been too shocked to process the state of things. Hyunjin looked back at you, the ever-present image of calm, “Can we go inside?”

You stepped up to him, in disbelief, “No, no, we fucking can’t. That was my ride. Why did you just pay him off? And three hundred thousand won? Are you insane? He completely ripped you off! And why the hell are you making decisions for me?”

“If you really want to go, I’ll drive you to the train station, but I’m not letting you get into a car like that, he seemed wasted.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms, “You’ll drive me to the train station?”

“Yeah, I will, if it means you’ll be safe.”

“From how you’re acting right now, you seem pretty wasted too.”

“Look.” He suddenly said, “Kairi told me you haven’t responded to her texts in a week. She got worried—”

“And she sent you here to check up on me? Kairi should know better.”

Hyunjin ignored your jab and continued talking, “And clearly she was right to be worried, because you’re moving out in the middle of the night in a freaking snowstorm!”

“I don’t owe you an explanation. Not really.” You stared at him, hugging yourself tighter. The snow was coming down heavy, wind building up so you could barely even hear each other. He seemed unaffected by every attack of yours, “I know you don’t…but… she’s worried about you. The least you could do is tell her what’s going on.”

You glared at him, “So you’re only here for her, right? If I call her right now, you’ll leave?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, sighing, “No…I’m worried about you too. I…don’t understand.”

Of course, he was worried now, the only time it seemed to matter the least. You were freezing, and the time for leaving seemed to have come and gone. You could book another taxi, but the snow was only growing, and there was still time for your train, so it wouldn’t make any sense to stand outside in this terrible weather. So you said, “Yeah. Sucks not to know things, doesn’t it?”

Hyunjin ignored the taunt yet again, and picked your suitcase up, “Can we please just wait inside?”

So, you didn’t argue for once and let him follow you back inside. It was just a matter of time, but this meant you’d need to have an actual conversation with Hyunjin, and you were dreading that. 

“You live on the top floor?” He asked, looking up the atrium. You took your bag from his hands, “Yup. I’ll take that.”

“What, no” He didn’t let you, pulling it back, “You’re not carrying that up.”

It wasn't even heavy but you gave in, too tired to protest, letting him follow you up the stairs to your apartment. You were so annoyed that you only just realized that this meant he’d see where you live. You suddenly felt embarrassed. The stairwell was rickety and shabby. Your apartment was so small, it felt like a joke. And he’d see it. Maybe this was a bad decision, but it didn’t matter anymore what he thought. He probably already thought terrible things about you. He certainly wouldn’t have ignored you for months if he didn’t.

You pushed open your door, and he stepped in tentatively. There wasn’t really much for him to see, yet his eyes traveled across the entire space and all your furniture as he took it in. He’d never even seen your room in Daejon. So he must think you live like this all the time. Poorly and with no taste. It was laughable how different you two were.

“No art?” He questioned, staring at the empty, barren walls. A pang hit you as you realized, “I got rid of it.”

He glanced at you, eyes wide, “Oh.”

You sat on the armrest of your couch, facing him, and he still stood at the threshold, processing your apartment. He seemed weirdly fascinated with it and asked, “Can I come in?”

“You’re already like, halfway in, so yeah” You mumbled. He stepped inside, for real, shutting the door behind him. This all felt so insane. Hyunjin was in your fucking apartment. Why? You thought you’d got rid of all the anger in you, but you certainly hadn’t. Your conversation with Minnie and Jamie came back to you too. He used you, because you’re so fucking nice. They like the thrill of the chase, and when they actually get the girl, they’re bored of her. Is that why he was interested in you again? That’s probably why he was chasing you again.

“So…um, I know you don’t owe me an explanation, but what about your friends? Kairi…and the people from your classes. Do they know why you’re leaving in the middle of the night?”

You stared at him, observing his expressions. If you told him about Kim Jieong, you’d have no idea how he’d react. You mumbled, “No. They don’t. It doesn’t concern anybody but me.”

He nodded slowly, hurt flashing through him, “Okay. Can…we talk about something else then?”

You crossed your arms, unsure what he even meant, “Yeah. We can talk about how my train leaves in three hours, so I have to be at the station before then.”

He swallowed, “You’re…not going to show me around your place? This is the first time—”

“From where you’re standing, you already saw all of it,” You replied, feeling embarrassed despite not wanting to care. He nodded, “Oh. So…you sleep on the couch?”

You let out a dry laugh at that. Obviously, he was right to assume that based on what you said, but it was still funny because it could have actually been true. You’d been so stupidly fucking desperate for the city you’d have literally slept on a park bench if you had to. Hyunjin frowned at your laughter, “I…I was just asking. Sorry”

“No, I sleep in my bed, which is in my bedroom and I don’t really see why you’d care about that, so…can you cut to the chase and tell me why you came to my apartment in the middle of the night, in a snowstorm?”

He swallowed, resting his head against your front door, “It wasn’t snowing when I left…”

“Oh, right. That’s inconvenient for you. You wouldn’t have come if it was.”

“No, I still would’ve come.” His eyes narrowed, “Please…just…can you talk to me normally?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I understand that you’re pissed at me, but I just want to have a conversation. I came here because I was worried about you. I would have come sooner if I could, but with my work it’s impossible. So please…can we just talk?”

No, you couldn’t because if you 'just talked’ to him, you’d remember how crazy in love with him you still were, after all his repeated rejections and ghosting, and not wanting you. You changed the topic, “You know that cab driver ripped you off, right? That ride isn’t worth that money.”

Hyunjin swallowed, “I know. But…he was drunk, and it’s not safe for him to drive anyone. With that amount, he wouldn’t have to take any more customers for the night. It’d be enough for the week.”

So he was still kind to everyone except you. Even to your wasted taxi driver. Good to know.

“There. I answered your question. Are you going to be answering mine?” He spoke, for once matching your fervor and energy. You stared at him, “Which question? You asked me, like ten.”

He sighed, stepping away from the door, and closer to you. He was so tall, he really did make your apartment seem small. He was almost as tall as your couch. You gripped the sides of the armrest, looking up at him. His face traversed many expressions like he was struggling with the right thing to say, and then he spoke, “Are you okay?”

You chose to be honest, chewing on your lower lip as you admitted, “I will be when I get home.”

His face fell, like he’d been expecting something else, and his whole body seemed tense. You suppose it was a valid reaction because this had been your dream, so he couldn’t possibly understand why you were running away. “But…”

“But what?” You asked, looking up at him, not wanting to leave any breathing room for emotions because now was not the time. If you went down that spiral, you’d never come back out, “It’s your turn to answer now. I still can’t understand why you’re here, after our conversation in the car.”

He contemplated for a second, looking away, and then back at you, saying, “I came here to make sure you were okay… that’s why I got on the first flight back home.”

You stood up, staring at him, “Flight back from where?”

“Bangkok.” He stated, a tinge of embarrassment in his features, “We had a schedule there…a show, but Kairi told me that you hadn’t responded to her texts, she was really worried…I had to come back.”

You stilled, and he surprised you for the first time that night. “What about the others?”

“The rest of the band is still there.” He spoke, “I just… couldn’t wait”

“You…took a flight for this?” You were having trouble processing this. He nodded, resignation and disappointment in his voice, “But clearly I should’ve come sooner.”

For a second, you allowed yourself the luxury to wonder if things would be different, had he come sooner. If things had been different, had he never left you at all. You couldn’t even imagine the other side of things — a reality where he stayed with you all this, and maybe all those bad things wouldn’t have happened to you. You couldn’t blame Hyunjin for everything that went wrong in your life after he left, but it sure seemed convenient to blame him. A myriad of thoughts overwhelmed you. He was confusing you too much. You needed to get out of this city, far away from here, and it felt like you were suddenly leaving with no good memories. Hyunijn was looking at you so deeply, so you swallowed your pride, “Can you do me a favour, Hyunjin?”

“Anything. What is it?”

“Can we just…stop by the Atelier before you take me to the station?” You asked, hoping he would oblige you in this last request since he seemed far too eager anyway, “Please.”

“Oh. Okay.” Defeat sank into his shoulders as he realised you had indeed made up your mind. Maybe he expected to hear something else from you. He didn’t protest though, because he had already agreed. In deafening silence, he led you to his car, which was parked around the block. When he opened the trunk, you saw his own suitcase. A simple black suitcase. He really had just come from the airport. It shocked your heart in a way you’d craved for all this time. When Yeonjun had come home to make up with Hana, you’d wished that someone would love you that much, to fly across the country for you. And Hyunjin did even more than that. He flew from another country… Yet you didn’t know what to make of it. He only came because Kairi was worried for you.

He carefully placed your bags next to his, as if anything was fragile in them but your clothes. He was uncannily quiet as he drove you, and you had nothing left to say. You watched the passing skyscrapers, and craved for the quiet of the mountainside back home. The Atelier wasn’t too far from your place, and he already seemed to know the way.

“So why are we here, Y/N?” He asked, as you both stared up at the towering glass building that was home to your classes. Seeing it now in the dark, it was one of the prettiest buildings you’d seen, built like art, for artists. You remember seeing it on the front page of the brochure you’d found years ago, and it had decided the trajectory of your life. It was still snowing, flakes falling on the two of you, and it was so cold in the parking lot. You owed him an explanation so you spoke, “This last week, I was working on a painting. It was becoming something really special, but… I forgot it in the classroom. I’d like to take it with me when I go.”

“Oh.” He simply nodded like it made all the sense in the world, not questioning this stupid request, and followed you to the front door. Obviously, nobody was here. It was after hours, and no security guards were in sight. You stared at the revolving doors, trying to figure out a plan. “Is it locked?” Hyunjin asked you, sounding impatient in this weather, “You don’t have the access card?”

If you entered the building with your keycard, it’d send a notification straight to Kim Jieong. That’s how he’d known you were here the last time. The memory sent you a shudder, and the last thing you wanted was to bump into him. You bit your lip, “Wait. I’m thinking.”

The cold was making you do stupid things, like shifting closer to him, so your shoulder would brush his. Simple body heat. Even through your thick coat, and his, the touch sent a flutter to your stomach. Hyunjin glanced at you as you did that, and his lips were becoming icy cold, “Well… it’d be nice if you could think faster. I wouldn’t want to die of hypothermia before you figure it out.”

You looked at him, surprised by the sudden sass in his tone, “Are you done?”

“Give me your keycard, let’s just go in.” He let out a breath, fog leaving his mouth. You frowned, not wanting to explain the whole story, “I don’t have one. It’s deactivated.”

“Okay…” He sighed, looking around the facade, “Is there another entrance we can use?”

You thought over his words. You had an idea. It was a stupid idea. You shrugged, hands deep in your coat pockets, “The back door.”

“Well, why don’t we just use that?” He asked. You shot him a tight smile, “It’s technically off-limits.” It was the emergency stairwell. You’d heard enough lectures about it, but you didn’t care right now. That was the only way to get into the building. You’d just have to suck it up. “I’m going to have to…technically break in.” You stepped ahead. His eyes widened, and he reached out to stop you, “What?”

“Only technically. You should probably go back to the car, because if someone comes here, I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble. It could hurt your…reputation.”

“No, it could put us in jail.” He stated matter-of-factly, and the cold must make him more sassy or annoyed or something. You didn’t have time for this. You sighed, crossing your arms, “That’s exactly why you should wait in the car. I promise I’ll be quick. I’ll grab my stuff and come.”

He let out a forced laugh, and there was a shiver in his voice, “What are you talking about?”

“I’ll be quick,” You reassured him. He stared at you, deadpan, “You’re not going in there by yourself.”

You frowned at his displaced concern, “It’s just an art school, Hyunjin, nothing’s going to harm me in there”

He glanced up at the towering building that did look kind of ominous right now, “You don’t know that. I’m not taking any chances.”

You felt frustrated because he was only protesting and not offering any solutions, “Well, you’re not stopping me, Hyunjin.”

“No, I’m coming with you.” 

“What?” You scoffed, “I’m breaking in. If somebody finds out, you’re going to get into trouble—” 

“I don’t care.” He interrupted you harshly and then took a breath, repeating, “I don’t care if I get into trouble. I’m not letting you go in there by yourself.” 

Your eyes widened, watching him. Did he really not think of the consequences? He spent all his life protecting his public image, and now he was willing to risk it for you? His words sent an unpleasant feeling down your spine. He cared. He cared about you to the point that he was okay with being caught. That was a new kind of feeling you couldn’t process. All this while, you’d prioritised Hyunjin’s needs and the consequences in his life because he was so much more important than you. This was new.

“Are you sure?” You asked. He glanced at the building and then around the abandoned parking lot as if he was seriously reconsidering this absurd request. You saw the hesitation in his posture, his lips parting as if to say no he was only joking, and he would never do something as stupid as this. Then his eyes landed on yours. They flickered over your face, the cold in his gaze melting into strange tenderness, “Of course I’m sure. I can’t let you go alone.”

“Fine.” You nodded, breath coming out in a cold puff, “We should be quick.” He followed you to the back of the building, the big glowing EXIT sign, and the notice that read, ‘This is not an entrance. Please use front door access’

You sucked in a breath for good measure, pushing the door open, and when no immediate alarms rang, you stepped in. Hyunjin followed you into the darkness, and you switched on your phone's flashlight to guide you. You were still shivering. There was no heating in here, and he asked, “Now what, Y/N?”

“My class is on the top floor,” You whispered, just in case someone was in the stairwell.

“I’m guessing we can’t use the elevator?” He deadpanned. You gripped the handrail, “Yeah. Using the elevator’s too risky. If someone’s still in the building, they’d realise.”

“This painting must be really important to you.” He spoke, following you up the stairs into complete darkness. The Atelier was fancy, but this stairwell…was not. It was industrially exposed, the sound of a loud generator buzzing and a flickering light above you. There was a constant banging sound that you guessed was from the pipes in the wall. You tried not to overthink this situation, where Hyunjin was breaking and entering with you in your dream academy. Each little sound was putting you on edge. You heard him mutter, “This is really creepy.”

Over your shoulder, you peeked at him. He had his flashlight turned on too, and it shone into his face, dark shadows over his jaw and lips. “Are you afraid?” You asked. He shook his head, “Let’s just get this over with, Y/N.”

You climbed the rest of the floors in silence, preserving your voice and breath. It was still freezing in here, and you did feel bad that you’d dragged him along for this. But out of everything, this was the least he could do. Even though you wouldn’t admit it, you probably wouldn’t have had the courage to come here alone, not after what happened the other night with Jieong. You were glad he insisted to come with you, even if you never would have expected him to in a million years. Finally, you reached the landing for the highest floor and stopped to catch your breath. There was a door marked ‘Rooftop Access’, that led to the greenhouse-studio. 

“Do we exit here?” He asked, reaching out to the knob. As he pulled the door open, light flooded the stairwell from outside. The lights in the studio were usually always turned off, but if they were on.… The cogwheels in your brain clicked just in time.

“Stop!” You whisper-yelled, grabbing him by the coat and pulling him back towards you. He stumbled, losing his balance in the dark and you steadied him. He braced himself against the wall, unintentionally pressing you to it.

“What are you doing?” He whispered, eyes wide.

“The lights were still turned on. That means someone’s in there.” You breathed, heart racing fast. You could have easily been caught. You weren’t really worried for yourself because you had nothing to lose, but Hyunjin…you really didn’t want to get him into trouble, even if he was completely okay with the consequences. He squeezed his eyes shut, “Oh. Okay”

He stepped away from you, and you could hear his heartbeat. “You scared me” He mumbled, after a while. He reached up to fix his messy hair, moving it out of his eyes. “I didn’t know you were scared of the dark, Hyunjin.” You mumbled. He narrowed his eyes at you, “I’m not. I’m…scared of people yanking my arm suddenly in confined spaces.”

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” You touched his arm, brushing over the coat, wondering if you’d grabbed him too hard. Had you bruised him? He didn’t stop you, as if he enjoyed being fawned over and then spoke, “So what is our plan? Are we going to stand in the stairwell forever? I thought you were in a hurry to get to the station.”

“We’re waiting for them to leave, whoever it is” You mumbled, crossing your arms as you leaned against the wall to rest, “I don’t want to run into anybody.”

“What if they decide to stay here the entire night?”

“They won’t. It must be a janitor. They’ll leave soon. Nobody even comes in after hours. The other night when I was—” You cut yourself short, not wanting to tell Hyunjin about the events of that night. He picked up on it though, tilting his head, “When you were what?”

You cleared your throat, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

His lips pursed, but he didn’t question further. Suddenly, you heard footsteps. Hyunjin’s head whipped to the door, then to you, “Are they coming in here?”

Clearly he was still scared of being caught, despite all the talk of not giving a shit about the consequences. In panic, you pressed your finger to his lips, “Can you please be quiet?”

He instantly shut up, not that he had a choice with you shushing him like this anyway. His lips were soft to your fingertips, and you stared at each other in the low light of your flashlight. The footsteps sounded again, and you heard the elevator ding. Whoever was in the studio had just left. You were in the clear. 

You retracted your hand, his saliva sticking to your fingers, and if it had been anybody else, you would have wiped it off immediately because that was gross. But with him…you didn’t care. You’d lick your own fingers to taste him, if he wasn’t standing right here. The thought crossing your mind was insane and you felt annoyed at yourself for trudging into that territory again. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with you the last time you met, and the time before that, and before that. Why were you so fucking weak around him? All your frustrations with him couldn’t seem to damper the attraction you felt. “They’re gone now” You mumbled, hoping to sound as emotionless and detached as you aspired to be, wiping your hand on your coat, and Hyunjin noticed that, his cheeks tinging pink.

“Let’s go” He slowly followed behind you into the elevator lobby, where the massive glass doors led to your studio. He looked confused, “I thought we were going to a classroom”

“Yeah. We are.” You replied curtly, pushing open the doors and walking onto the metal walkway. Plants drowned you on both sides, and your company's only telltale sound was his winter boots loud on the metal grate. Hyunjin was looking around in awe, he didn’t say anything, but his eyes would always give him away. He was awestruck. A small part of you was satisfied. You’d been dreaming of this reaction ever since you’d joined these classes. At least you got to see it before you left. He reached out, touching the petals of a dozen different flowers as you passed them, until you entered the studio space. You used to feel so much joy stepping in here. But it had always been coupled with sadness too —you’d been moving on from Hyunjin in this very space, and here he was, none the wiser. 

“Shit. This is your classroom?” He stepped into the centre, doing a full circle, head tilted up to the glass ceilings. The view was so pretty at night, revealing the beauty of the lit-up skyscrapers. The famous city lights that Hyunjin loved. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, walking over to the storage cupboards. You tried not to think of Kim Jieong and what had happened the last time you were here. You had a mission, a singular focus, and you ripped open the cabinets, rifting through them to look for your painting. It was a massive canvas, but maybe somebody had rolled it up and put them here. There was no way they’d throw it away, right? You’d been working on it so deliberately. They’d have to know it wasn’t trash. Kim Jieong wouldn’t do that to you either. But after looking through every cupboard, your heart sank. There was nowhere else it could be. Maybe he did throw out your artwork, because none of the paintings you’d made in the last few months were here. Shockingly, it seemed you knew nothing of him. 

In defeat, you leaned against the desk, staring into the empty cupboard. You…had just wanted your unfinished canvas, as a stupid souvenir or something to take home with you so your time here didn’t feel wasted. You’d poured so much energy, hours of research and experience behind it. It was the first art piece in the city you’d genuinely been excited about, and now it was just…gone. Like it never existed in the first place, and you’d only been gone a week but it felt like you were already being erased.

A short laugh interrupted you. You turned to see Hyunijn bent over a telescope that looked out into the city, “This…is a dream. Holy shit.”

“I’m glad you like it” You mumbled, fiddling with your coat as you stayed in place. At least someone was having a good time. He glanced at you, cheeks red, and stood up straight, “This…is the coolest art studio I’ve ever been in.”

“Yeah. It is pretty cool”

“The range of this thing…is insane. I actually think I can see a planet from here” He spoke, focusing on the telescope again. It was cute, his tall frame bent over the telescope that was meant for much shorter people. He was so easily excited about things, like he had forgotten you’d broken into this building, and that you’d been arguing with each other less than an hour ago. It reminded you of how fixated he would get on the things he loved. 

“A planet? Wow…” You mumbled.

“Do you ever use it in class?” He asked, excitement in his tone.

“No…I never got the chance to.” Your voice dropped, trailing off at the what-ifs and your missed opportunities. You were running away from the place you’d dreamed of for so long. All because of a stupid man. It wasn’t fair to you. Nothing about this was fair. Why had you worked so hard for it to be thrown away? He blinked at you, as if he noticed the sadness in your voice, “Do you want to?”

“I don’t really know how it works.” You swallowed, staring at the empty cabinets, and your heart felt so heavy, like a huge weight was pressing down on it, and you couldn’t breathe right. All of the anxiety bubbled up in your throat, filling your lungs with it too. Your lip quivered, a tremble traveling through your spine, and the heaviness in your chest was only getting worse as reality set in. You were never going to be in here again. So much for chasing that dream.

“Come here.” Hyunjin’s soft voice broke your avalanche of despair. You sucked in a breath, hoping any tears would disappear and glanced at him. He stood against the large floor-to-ceiling window, hands around the telescope, the city as his majestic backdrop. You didn’t want to protest. This was your last night in the city, you might as well indulge in it. You walked over to him, and each step felt like so much effort, your boots loud in the quiet room.

“Stand over here” He said, his voice low but filled with excitement. “Did you forget we’re in the middle of committing a crime right now?” You couldn’t help but say, wondering if it’d snap him back to reality, if he would stop being such a romantic. His lip curled up into a smile, and Hyunjin was so pretty in the moonlight, voice dropping into a secret, “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

God. His words sent chills down your body, momentarily displacing that heaviness. A secret night with him. The temptation was screaming. You stepped up to the telescope, bending down to the eyepiece. Hyunjin grabbed your hands without hesitation, placing them in the proper position on the metal tube. His voice was tender as he explained, “Now, put your hands here, and try to look through the eyepiece in that direction.”

Had you completely derailed from the plot? Your train home was in a few hours. Each second being here was literally a crime. Still, you indulged him, squinting to see where he’d pointed it. You could only see black and perhaps you weren’t special enough to see magnificent things such as celestial planets. You felt frustrated, trying really hard to see, but it was a big blob of nothing.

“Do you see it?” He asked, voice a whisper. You saw nothing of significance. 

“No…never mind.” You breathed, standing up straight with disappointment. “Wait…” He spoke, quick to want to fix it, “Can I…?”

You shrugged, not understanding what he was asking. He grabbed you by the waist, adjusting you slightly. His hand curled around your thick coat, and you wished he was touching your skin. He was so close to your body. Your breath was stuck in your throat, and then he said, “Can you try now? Bend down again.”

You followed his instructions like they were the words of god. You tried not to fog up with the eyepiece with your breath and to focus on the view, but Hyunjin was touching you and standing behind your body, so how could you possibly focus? You mumbled, “I just see…a big white spot.”

“That’s it” He whispered, leaning down, his mouth brushing against your ear, “That’s Jupiter, Y/N.”

Your eyes widened in surprise, and you gripped the tube tighter for a better hold, “But it’s just a speck of light…”

He chuckled, breath warm on your ice-cold skin, “I know, we’re so far away from it, but it’s bigger than we can ever imagine. You see those two circles in the centre? Those are the cloud belts.”

“I see them.” You spoke, suddenly feeling so small. It was so huge, a real-life planet, and from here it was just a speck in the sky. Your place in the world felt even more trivial. It was so majestic. You tried to imagine all the pictures of Jupiter you’d seen, placing them into this context. Hyunjin’s hand was still on your waist, not that you could feel it much through the clothes, only a ghost of a touch. You straightened up, and he left his grip on you as you asked, “How do you know so much about this?”

He shrugged, like it was no big deal, “I’ve been doing some reading. We’re lucky the snow stopped. Usually, nothing is visible. The lights and cloud cover are too much.”

You stepped away from the telescope, wondering where he found the time to read up about this between his very busy life, “I see.”

He had a hint of a smile, “What did you think? It’s surreal, right?” 

It was. It was so beautiful.... 

You suddenly felt sick to your stomach, “My painting isn’t here. We should go.”

The smile on his face dropped, and he nodded, voice returning to a normal octave, “Right. Where do you think it could be?”

“I don’t know” You sighed, and the weight on your chest was back, and you couldn’t look at him right now, “I checked everywhere. They probably threw it out. I should just go to the station, it’s getting late.”

“Oh. Right.” His voice sounded hollow. You didn’t want to leave him. But he wasn’t even here, was he? He was just…doing you a favour, and then he’d go back to not wanting you in his life. 

“I can…help you look for the painting” He suggested, “Couldn’t it be in other places? We can check the rest of the building.”

“No, it’s gone. We came here for nothing. Please, let’s just leave.”

His shoulders dropped in disappointment, “This studio is beautiful. I’d…actually do anything to have a space like this to paint in, feels like I’d never run out of inspiration.” 

You stared at him, wondering what point he was trying to make now. Then he said, “Why do you want to leave this, Y/N?” 

You didn’t answer him, a horrible twisting in your gut, and glanced at the exact spot you’d been standing when Kim Jieong cornered you against the table, making all kinds of suggestions to you. You felt sick to your core again.

“It’s not because of me, right?”

You looked at him, feeling overwhelmed, and suddenly, the weight wasn’t pushing down but pulling you instead. You felt like you were drowning, lungs crushing with the force of being dragged down and you had tunnel vision, overwhelmed with everything, “What?”

“You’re leaving. Is it…because of me?” His voice was low, and his words were not helping. You couldn’t tell if Hyunjin was drowning you, or savi you right now.

A lump formed in your throat, forbidding you from speaking as you processed those words. Were you leaving the city behind because of him? Maybe. He was a big part of it, but you’d never run away from Hyunjin. You’d chase him forever if you could. How could he even think that it was cause of him? You bit your lip, “If it was because of you, I’d be gone a long time ago, Hyunjin.”

You turned to leave, and Hyunjin’s next words echoed through the large room, “Please don’t go.”

Your eyes widened at his…blatant, crude request. He’d done nothing but push you away. How could he ask you to stay?

“I know… I’m the last person who has the right to ask you to stay, but… there’s so much for you here. I know you would love it.”

You turned to face him, “Like…what?”

It’s like he didn’t expect you to actually humor him, and he blurted, tripping over his words, “You can’t leave without having seen Christmas. Everything’s…a blanket of snow, and it’s lit up, and the city lights…are so beautiful, Y/N. You can’t miss that. You can’t not see them.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, and you wanted to cry at this. What kind of reasoning was this? Hyunjin was asking you to stay, and you must be dreaming, right? 

“Christmas is really far away, Hyunjin…”

He took another step closer, more confident like he'd found his reasoning now, “I know, but it’ll be so worth it. It’s my favorite time of the year. You’ll fall in love with it too. It seems like you hate this place, and it feels like my fault, but there is so much for you here. I’ve only been back a few months and I’ve already seen a hundred things you would love. You would appreciate them more than anybody, and I’ve thought of you every time. You belong here, not…in that town back home.”

It was so tempting, especially when he said it like that. “I can’t stay, Hyunjin”

He stepped even closer, “Why?” He asked, a desperation slipping through. He cared so much. You wish he had shown it before. It didn’t matter now. Things had immeasurably changed, in this very room. You had been trying so hard to not feel the weight of everything, but it was impossible. Not when he was looking at you like that.

The dam broke.

A single tear at first.

Then a sob. “Hyun…”

Immediately, without any question or hesitation, he closed the distance between you and pulled you into his arms. 

His touch brought on a wave of tears. You wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in his chest, pitiful sobs bubbling to the top. For the longest time, he just held you in his embrace and you cried. All you could register was his hold on you, and his heart racing against your ear. He squeezed you tightly, hugging you to him to pull you even closer to his body, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“He…he tried to—” You sniffled, unable to form the words.

“What?” He tensed in your grip. He clearly hadn’t expected to hear anything of that sort, but his hand still ran circles over your back, “Who did what?”

“Kim…Jieong.” You mumbled, eyes squeezed shut in his chest, not wanting to burden him with this knowledge but your throat felt clogged with emotion that you couldn’t contain within yourself anymore, “He…said I could convince him”

You were aware that you made no sense, but it was enough for him to understand. Hyunjin pulled back, hands holding your shoulders as he looked at you, and his eyes were wide, “What? Did he touch you?”

“No…” You sniffled, lip trembling, “He…just…”

Hyunjin’s hand came up to your face, holding your chin unbeknownst that your professor had tried the same. You were only filled with terror when Kim Jieong did that, but right now…you felt the safest in the world. Your face was hot, his hand was warm on you. His thumb wiped your tears, the other hand holding your face tight, “What did he do?”

You shook your head, vision blurry from the tears in your lash line, and you had no idea how to explain this, “Hyunjin. I… don’t even know how to deal with this.”

“You don’t have to. That’s what I’m here for.” He said. You looked up at him, eyes blown wide, “What do you mean?”

He took in a breath, still holding you strongly, as his thumbs gently wiped the tears streaking down your face, and his soft gesture was a stark contrast to his next words, “Tell me what he did. I’m going to talk to that piece of shit.”

“No, you can’t. I…I don’t have any proof, Hyunjin and I don’t even know if he was trying something—” You trailed off, struggling with your words but he wasn’t even listening. He was staring into the distance, “I have to go talk to him.”

“What?”

He started walking out. What the fuck was he doing? You ran after him, tugging at his arm, “What are you talking about? It’s the middle of the night.”

He turned to you, his eyes were dark, and his jaw was clenched. and there was more emotion in his face than you’d seen in the past hour as he said, “He…he fucking touched you. He can’t… do that.”

“Oh my god, you can’t go after him” 

“Why?” He asked, eyes searching yours. You weren’t equipped to deal with whatever anger he held in him. It seemed like Hyunjin had quickly forgotten who he was in this world. A world-famous celebrity who definitely couldn’t go after a renowned artist, especially not at this time of night. As much as you appreciated the gesture, it wasn’t thought out at all, and it pissed you off, “You don’t even know what happened, Hyunjin!”

“It doesn’t matter. I know enough.”

“Can you please just…calm down?” Your eyes widened, regret soaring through you, “I…I knew I shouldn’t have told you. It was a mistake.”

He frowned, stepping closer to you, “Fuck. Don’t… don’t say that. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to react. I just wanted you to listen.” You said. He let in a deep breath, like he was physically calming himself down, running his hands over his face, “Okay. I am listening. I just…need a second.”

You could see the anger surging through him, and you mumbled, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, I’m…not thinking straight. I’m sorry, I just…”

“I should never have brought you here. I could have been on the train home already. You were right, okay? I am running away.” You admitted, lip trembling, “I’m sorry.”

His voice softened at your state, “What are you apologizing for? Stop. You didn’t do anything wrong”

“Yeah.” You mumbled, staring at the floor, and you realised you’d have to tell him the whole truth now, because you’d stupidly brought it up. You wiped at your face with your sleeve, but he reached into his coat pocket, handing you a tissue, “Let me…”

“You…carry tissues with you?” You vaguely registered through your clouded judgement, wiping your face. He was quiet for a minute, and you tried to collect yourself. You were embarrassed, and your face was burning hot from crying, and from the shame, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry…I ruined your coat.”

“Come here…” He led you to the nearest table, pulling you to sit next to him. He hesitated before reaching out, hand on your back as he spoke, “I’m sorry for reacting. I…I didn’t expect to hear that, but you can’t understand how this makes me feel. I know you don’t want to talk about it but I’m going to drive myself crazy if you don’t tell me what happened.”

He was right, and you probably would have reacted worse if someone had hurt Hyunjin. You would have lost your mind. You had thrust this information upon him unwillingly, and he did deserve to know the truth of it. Now that you tried to recall it, most of it felt like blanks in your mind and you muttered, “There’s an art scholarship that we were told about. It was a big one. If we won, it would pay for the rest of our year, and we could present our work in this gallery. It was supposed to be a huge honor. I was working on a painting for it the other night. I was here by myself…and…Jieong saw me working. I don’t…know how it led to that. I don’t remember most of it, but he said he liked that I was… desperate.”

“What?” Hyunjin interrupted you. You swallowed, “He said that I was desperate to be liked and respected and that I could go a lot of places in the world, if I…convinced him somehow. That all I had to do was ask him…and my dreams could come true.”

He scoffed, “By sleeping with him?”

“I don’t know. I left after that.” You mumbled, staring at the floor, “I was really confused.”

“He hurt you?”

You shrugged, a fresh wave of tears springing up, “No…at least not physically”

His hand reached out to yours, “I’m…really sorry that happened, Y/N.”

You pulled your hand back before he could touch it. You weren’t here tonight to seek Hyunjin’s comfort. You were just offering him an explanation so he wouldn’t be left in the dark after you were gone. You said, “But nothing even happened, Hyunjin. Nothing I can prove anyway. Except that he’s cancelled my scholarship.”

“He can’t do that” He said. You mumbled, “I missed out on an entire week of classes. He…has valid reason now.”

“Did you tell anyone?” He asked, “Any of your friends from class?”

As if having this conversation once wasn't embarrassing enough. You didn't plan to tell anybody else about it. It would be a secret you'd take to the grave. If you told people, all they'd question was your obsession to come here in the first place. After all, why would a married man come on to you at all, risking his career? You must have come on to him -- at least that's what everyone would think. You shook your head, “Nope…Just…you.”

“I’m…sorry that this happened. I wish I could…do something to help.” He spoke. You looked at him, unable to comprehend that he was being kind to you again. He was so tender and caring right now, but how long could this really last? The last time he was this tender was in the storage closet, and he’d kissed you so passionately and then immediately cut you off. Wasn’t this compassion just temporary? You stepped away from him, running a hand over your face to wipe away the dried tears, “Yeah. No biggie.”

He noticed the change in your demeanor, dropping his hands to his lap, but said nothing of it. You stared at the place where Jieong had tried to make a move, and where your canvas had been. You wish you hadn't come here that night at all, then you could have been blissfully unaware of his behaviour and stayed happy. The longer you stayed here, the sicker you felt. 

“We should talk about this in my car.” Hyunjin said, offering his hand to you again. You stared at his soft palm and inviting touch, but you didn’t take it. If the rejection hurt him, he didn’t show it. You just hugged yourself, “Okay”

You followed him into the elevator lobby, about to head for the stairwell again, but he pressed the button for the elevator. You frowned, “We can’t go out the front door. If they see you—”

“I really don’t give a shit about that right now” He spoke, pushing a hand through his hair, and you noticed how tense he was, “If they catch me, I’d have a lot to talk to them about anyway.”

“But… this is not worth it.” You spoke, as the elevator doors opened. He took in a breath, facing away, running another hand through his hair, you realised he always did that when he was nervous, “I just… can’t believe they let an artist like that work with them.”

You steadied yourself against the elevator wall, as the floors went by. The doors opened into the lobby. You prayed that nobody was in there. No matter how much Hyunjin didn’t care, you didn’t want to cause a scene and you definitely couldn’t handle jeopardizing his job. If anybody saw you two… they could call the cops and he couldn’t afford to be put under scrutiny. It would risk his career and everything else that mattered. Uncaring of this, he stepped into the lobby, footsteps loud as he walked towards the front door. You followed, looking around and thankfully, the front desk was empty. The odds were in your favor, perhaps. He almost looked disappointed that there was nobody to confront as you exited the building. He was walking so fast, and you struggled to keep up as you made your way to the parking lot. Once you were sitting inside his car, you asked him, “You’re not going to do anything stupid, right?”

“I don’t know. He…needs to be fired. He can’t just get away with what he did to you. Once he gets fired, they’ll put in a new teacher, and…you can continue the classes. And for what they’ve put you through, they should grant you a new scholarship anyway, no questions asked. He should be the one to leave, not you.”

Before you could think about his words, your phone on the console buzzed, and you both glanced at it. He read it the same time as you. There was a text from Felix. have you made it to the train station yet, baby?

Hyunjin looked up at you, eyes that were suddenly devoid of anger, but…a new desperation, “Do you…still want me to take you?”

You swallowed, suddenly feeling the weight of everything on your shoulders again. Your suitcases were packed and waiting in the trunk. Your train was booked. You’d made your decision. You stared at the window, “Your…plan sounds fine Hyunjin, but… I’m not important enough for them to fire their biggest artist ever. Nothing good can come out of me staying here with that false hope.”

His eyes flickered over your features before turning away. He started the engine, and said nothing, pulling out of the driveway. You tried to gather your emotions, watching the snow piled up by the sides of the street. Your first and last snow here. You imagined being home already. It would help so much. Felix, Minho and all your friends. You'd go back to working at the art shop. Maybe you could pay a grand and enroll in the classes at the Chateau, and practice art under Seungmin. Nothing would come out of it but at least you’d be occupied. Some people weren’t built for greatness, and you could be okay with that, unlike the boy next to you. Hyunjin suddenly spoke, hands gripping the wheel tightly, “It’s not false hope. Something like this can have serious repercussions. You should’ve told me the second he did that. He would already be out of his job by now.”

He was redirecting the conversation to him, when it was about you. Your head hurt at this faux chivalry. Did he really even care about Jieong or did he just want someone to pin his anger on? You stared at him, “I don’t even have your fucking phone number, Hyunjin.”

He stopped the car, bringing it to the side of the road. You hadn’t reached your destination yet, and you were in the middle of a random neighbourhood. You stared at him, unsure of what was going through his mind, “What are you doing?”

He reached into his coat pocket, took out two identical phones and handed one to you, “I was going to give you this tonight.”

You grabbed it from him, “What is this?”

“It’s…a phone with my number on it” He said, looking right ahead, “I bought it for you.”

Your brows raised, “You…bought me a phone?”

“And this one…” He lifted his own identical phone, which also seemed brand-new, “This is mine. The only thing on it… is your number.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s so we can talk to each other” He turned to face you, “And nobody can trace it back to us, The phone isn’t connected to anything else, except…to each other.”

You blinked, trying to process this, “Oh”

He looked frustrated as he spoke, “I know what I said to you last time. I know that I said we can’t be in each other's life, but… I’m trying my real hardest to find a fucking way around it. What I did and said was uncalled for. I realize that…it hurt you, but you have to cut me some slack, Y/N. I’m…really trying to figure it out.”

“I’ve cut you more slack than I ever would with somebody who’s made it absolutely clear they don’t want me around them” You blinked. He sighed, “I’m sorry. I understand that what I said hurt you, and…I really didn’t mean to. You know me, Y/N, better than anyone in my life and…I would never want to hurt you like that.”

“Then why did you say all those things…?”

He let out a sigh, turning to look at you, “I was only thinking about myself. I guess… I was running away too.”

You stared at him, the irony of tonight striking you. You were blaming him for what he’d done, when you were now doing the exact same thing.

All the fight died down in you.

“We’re more alike than I thought.” He mumbled. Maybe now you could finally understand where he came from. The urge to shut down and cut everybody out had felt far too tempting. You glanced at him, holding the phone tight in your hands. This could be the last time you saw him. He’d never come to Daejon, and you couldn’t afford to come back here. Was this really it? The last time you ever saw Hyunjin. A new emotion overwhelmed you, and you weren’t ready to say goodbye so soon. “Can you please just tell me something before I go?”

His hands rest on the steering wheel, and it seemed like he’d already given up on convincing you to stay. His question came out defeated, “What do you want to know?”

You stared at his side profile, “How did you get the pictures? The ones from the booth.”

“I…went back.” He responded, not questioning the randomness of what you’d just said. You were confused, “What? Went back here?”

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, “Later that night, I went back to the summer carnival. After you’d already left. When we were in the booth, I deleted our pictures before they could be printed, but…they were still saved to the database. The machines have a backup server, they keep the data for a few hours before it’s overwritten.”

“How was that even allowed?”

“The guy that works there, I…asked him for a favor…and he obliged because well, it’s stupid…”

“Tell me.” You breathed, itching to know the story you’d been wondering for so long. His lip curled up into a reminiscent smile, “I promised to sign this album for his little sister. She really liked our band. Anyway, the guy, he let me access the backup, and…I printed them out.”

Your heart jumped at all of this effort, “Why did you do all of that after deleting them?”

He swallowed, “I changed my mind. I told you, Y/N…I wanted to remember that moment. I needed to.”

You looked away into your lap, “Oh…well…thank you for putting them in my sketchbook, but I’m sorry… I lost the pictures.”

“You what?” He looked at you. You breathed, feeling guilty, “They got ruined…so you did all of that for nothing.”

“Oh.”

There was no way for you to get them back. The summer carnival was long over, and the pictures were erased. It was strange how you two talked about them, clinging to a memory that was long gone, and he never questioned you and why you wanted them. He didn’t question why you were so fixated on them or what they could possibly mean to you. Hyunjin nodded, eyes glazing over you as if he lost deep in thought, “How did they get ruined?”

“They got wet in the rain.” You swallowed. He still seemed shocked at your previous statement, “So…you had them with you? I thought that you would throw them away, after we stopped talking…I thought you hated me.”

“You know me. I hold on to things stupidly, even if I was mad at you. Anyway, not that it matters now…” You shrugged. He nodded, like he was still in his head, and then he reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He opened it, pulling out a strip. Your eyes widened. 

He had them. In his wallet.

“You made a copy?” You couldn’t believe it. He let out a laugh, saying, “I went to a lot of effort for these, Y/N. Do you really think I wouldn’t have made a copy?”

“And… they’re in your wallet.” You realised. He swallowed, “Yeah”

“Have they been in your wallet this whole time?”

He blinked, “Yeah. In hindsight, it was a really stupid decision because if I ever lost it, anybody could have seen these. Guess I haven’t been thinking straight, but…you can have my copy”

You delicately grabbed it from him, and it was only worth a few coins but you handled it like it was worth millions. It was a treasured memory. A moment when you’d given in to each other completely, and you had been so happy then. You'd give anything to have those secret moments again, even if they stayed a secret forever. Nothing had felt as rewarding as his lips on yours, making you feel like he wanted you just as bad.

His copy was wrinkled, like he’d taken it in and out of his wallet a million times to look at it. Your copy used to be pristine, it stayed in your sketchbook but his…it was tattered with use. There were folds after every image, and you slowly moved your fingers over them. Your voice was soft, “Have you really changed your mind?”

“About what?” He asked, curiously. You looked at him, “You showed up at my doorstep. It must have been…for something.”

“I changed my mind about a lot of things…” He spoke, the dim streetlights reflecting in his eyes. Curiosity overwhelming you, your voice was a whisper, “You said you were running away too. What made you stop?”

In the darkness of the car, the shadows on his face were intense, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he said, “That night in the car. You said that… all this time you haven't been okay, and that you still aren’t and I couldn’t stop thinking about that. You said you didn’t know the real me, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Who I was in Daejon, that’s…the best version of me, and it took me a really long fucking time to realize that. It was an asshole move that I did. I know I apologized to you, but I wanted to do it again tonight. I’m…really fucking sorry for pushing you away, Y/N. I should have just explained what was going on.” He paused, “But…I guess I’m too late since you’re leaving anyway, right?”

You looked away from him to the snow on his windshield, “Yeah, what will I do in Seoul anyway?”

“He should be the one that’s scared of you, not the other way around”

“Why would he be scared of me?”

“Because you can literally ruin him, and his career. Who knows if you’re the first person he did this to?”

“Well, clearly nobody spoke up against him yet. He’s a legend. Nothing I say will change that, and I…really don’t want to deal with the repercussions of this. I just…want to stay away from it and pretend it never happened.”

He sighed, “I have to tell you about Karina”

“What?” You looked at him.

“She’s…a friend, I guess. A couple of months ago, I asked her if she could get me in touch with Jieong. I wanted to talk to him for you, but she said she isn’t on good terms with him. Something about the way she said it makes me think that she’s been through something similar, like you, and that’s not fair. He doesn’t just get to do that and still have a fucking platform where people worship him.”

Frustration crawled from your chest, “What am I supposed to do about that, Hyunjin?”

He squeezed the steering wheel, “I don’t know, but I’ll help you figure it out. You’ve wanted to come to the city your entire life, you even hid it from your friends, you worked every summer for it. You can’t just give that up so easily. You have to stay.”

“Stay and do what, Hyunjin?”

He turned to face you, shifting closer in the little space, and his voice was quaking with nervousness, staring right into your eyes, “I don’t know. We’ll figure that out too, but…I know you, and this isn’t you. What you did, coming here all by yourself, getting into the program, that wasn’t easy. You did something most people can only dream of, and I know I didn’t express myself well, and that I should have told you sooner but I’m… I’m so fucking proud of you. My first few years here, the only reason I could survive was the members but you…you did that all by yourself. But… you’re not alone, not anymore. If you want to report Jieong, I’m going to help you. If you don’t want to do that, I’ll respect your choice.” He swallowed to breathe, lip trembling, “If you want to stay away from that drama, I’ll understand, but please…please don’t stay away from me.”

Your eyes widened, hearing his plea, and your heart was beating so loud you feared it’d burst out of your chest. Your gaze searched his, and all you saw was honesty and…fear. 

For the first time ever, you recognized the look on his face. 

He was scared of losing you. 

He had flown all the way here just to say this to you, and despite how horrible everything seemed…he was here with you. Your heart was shaking, unable to comprehend this side of Hyunjin, and you found yourself saying, “Tell me about the Christmas lights.” 

His eyes lit up, “They… they’re beautiful. They cover the whole city with them, it looks like a dream and…you have to see it. If not for long, at least stay till then, and…you can make your decision after that.”

Your eyes flickered over his form, and the desperation in his face that made your heart beat faster than it had in a while, “Okay.”

He let out a breath like he couldn’t believe your words, “Okay?”

“The lights better be worth it, Hyunjin.” You spoke, and he laughed, at your words in slight disbelief and relief. You felt a strange sense of relief too, as he drove you back.

»»————-

Hyunjin was in your apartment again. He helped you bring the suitcases up, and he was breathing heavy as he shut the door. The snow had stopped, but the temperatures had dropped more. He rubbed his hands together, blowing on them. Your apartment wasn’t much warmer, but it was still a relief to be indoors, after the long night you’d had. You looked at him from across the room, standing in your little kitchen, “Do you…want tea?”

He stood out so much in this little space. He looked at you, “I can make it for us.”

“No, that’s fine…” You declined his offer, turning to your cupboard to bring out the little box of specialty tea you’d procured from a nearby market. In your peripheral, he simply nodded, looking around the living room. You’d unknowingly put as much distance between the two of you. Him being in your space made you so nervous. Earlier, you were in such a rush, but now…he could actually see things for what they were. You’d ripped your art from the walls, but other traces of you were still here. Your little tray of knick-knacks on your coffee table, the fluffy pink blanket on your couch, and the little plants that decorated the space. You hadn’t bothered packing them up, and now you were glad you hadn’t because you wouldn’t want to redecorate all over again. He stood still near the door, taking everything in. 

“You can take your coat off.” You realised belatedly. He seemed uncomfortable in it, and it was wet from the snow. He looked at you, “Right. Okay.”

You’d taken yours off, and you stood in your white sweater. He slipped his coat off, and he wore a black turtleneck inside. He seemed so awkward. You were too. You knew that things wouldn’t just go back to normal, you couldn’t just pick up where you’d left off. Instead you watched the water in the pot boil, bubbles coming to the surface. 

“Have you been to Myeondong yet?” He suddenly asked. You looked at him, stirring the water, “Uh, not yet. What is it?”

“You haven’t? It’s a popular street here. They have a lot of shops, boutiques and food. They have really good street food. I think you’d like it.”

“Do you go often?” You asked, and stopped yourself from suggesting that perhaps he could take you. He replied, “No, it’s…too crowded. I can go but the company doesn’t recommend it.”

You nodded, turning back to the pot, glad you hadn’t asked only to be shut down by him. It was stupid to think otherwise, “Right. You need their permission. Do they know you’re here?”

You heard a soft sigh, and perhaps you’d offended him, “No… I know it doesn’t seem like that but we can still do whatever we want. It’s not like we’re under constant supervision…it just feels like that because they’re not the only ones watching us, we also have to worry about the media, about…anybody with a camera who might see me.”

“I saw Baekhyun at a club once.” You blurted. His eyebrows shot up, “You did?”

“Mmh. He was making out with two girls at the bar, and nobody really seemed to care” You elaborated. He nodded, “Yeah. He’s famous enough to get away with it.”

You bit back a scoff, “Get away with what…? Kissing? You make it sound like a crime, Hyunjin.” 

You were clearly more honest with him than you had been in the past, ridiculing all the crazy stupid standards of the industry he was a part of. Since when did people like him let a commercial, capitalist corporation decide how they live their lives? It irked you that Hyunjin gave into it so easily. Why didn’t he challenge it? Why was he just settling for it?

He seemed to have no response to your accusation, and instead said, “I thought you understood why things are the way they are.”

You did understand, at a point. When he kissed you for the first time, he had very kindly explained to you that he couldn’t let this become anything more. Yet it had. The phone he’d given you lay on the countertop, and you eyed it, “It seems like you really thought things through when getting me this phone. So what exactly happened…?”

“My managers found out about you.” He stated. You glanced at him, surprised how he said it so calmly when it had been his biggest fear, “What? How?”

“Yeah, they…overheard me and the boys at a party.” He said. You blinked, “You were talking about me at a party?”

“Be careful, the water’s going to boil over.” He stepped closer. You looked back at the pot, realizing this, and turned the stove off. He continued, “And yes. It was at the album release party. I called you that night”

“Oh” You recalled, and he had been drunk on the phone that night and you had wished to be next to him, “I remember…”

“So, anyway…they found out about you that night. It was my mistake…and they gave me a bunch of documents, and I don’t know I guess I kind of freaked out.” He came to stand opposite you, crossing his arms against his chest. His sweater was so tight on him and his arms bulged when he crossed them. You couldn’t help but notice.  It was tucked into his pants, a thick belt holding them up. You leaned against your kitchen counter, facing him, “What kind of documents?”

“A…press release statement, and an NDA.” He cleared his throat, “I guess they thought we were dating.”

“Oh. So is that what happened then? Why you acted the way you did?”

“Some of it. I didn’t want to involve you in any of that legal stuff, and they didn’t believe me when I said we were just friends. Things were spiraling with Chan and the others, not that it’s their fault, but I…I guess cutting you out felt like the easiest choice to make at the moment.”

You looked away from him, a pang resonating in your chest at those words, and bitterness filled you. Maybe it was a mistake calling him here. Maybe he should leave. He noticed the drop in your expression, “Did I say something wrong?”

“It was easy?” Your voice was hollow in the little apartment, heart-shattering at his admittance.

“What?”

You glanced at him, “Cutting me out was easy for you?”

He gulped, staring at you and his eyes burned through you, as his lips parted to say, “No, it was…the hardest thing I ever did.”

For some reason beyond your understanding, you believed him. Everything in you wanted to believe him. It was a genuine response.

“The tea,” You said, realizing you’d forgotten it. You wanted to ask him a lot more about how the past months had been in your absence, but you’d take it slow. This was a lot for one night. 

He stood up straighter, “Yeah.”

You turned around, reaching into your cabinet to take out two little mugs. You didn’t have much crockery, you hardly had people over much, and Hyunjin stepped up to help you. “Is everything you own pink?” He asked, taking the little mug from you.

You looked at him, embarrassed, “Just the mugs…”

“And the blanket…” He pointed out, looking at you. A little, teasing smile tugged at his lips. You fought your own smile, “Just drink the tea, okay Hyunjin?”

He nodded, smiling still, and poured the water into yours and his, levelling them the same. He dropped the tea bags in it, and handed it to you. You grabbed it from him, loving the warmth on your hands, “Oh. This is hot.”

He agreed, testing out a sip, “It’s nice. It was freezing outside”

You nodded, “You can sit, if you want.”

“No, that’s okay.” He shook his head and walked over to your kitchen window, bending down to peer out, “Do you keep it open always?”

“Yeah. I…like the sounds,” You told him, taking another sip, but you ended up burning your tongue, and you sighed, putting your mug away, “I heard you were in Japan. How was it?”

He had his hand out the window now, tracing the melted snowflakes that lay on the ledge, and he spoke, “Tiring, but…beautiful.”

“Kairi told me you were there for an award show?”

He turned to you again, snowflakes disintegrating in his palm, “We were”

“Did you win?”

He laughed, smiling at you, “Yeah. We won…a few. Album of the year.”

“That’s really nice.” You said, warmth blooming in your chest, “You deserved it, I’m sure.”

He laughed again, “You don’t even know who we were up against.”

“Well…” You traced a circle on the kitchen slab, “I don’t, but I heard your album. The day it came out. It was…really nice, Hyunjin.”

“Thank you. I didn’t know you listened to it.” He had a little smile as he spoke. His hair fell into his face, but some of it was tied up behind his head. Him standing with the tea in his hands, in the dim lighting of your kitchen, made him look like a dream.

Your phone buzzed, dragging both your attention to it. Felix was calling. 

“Uh, I should take this.” You told him. Hyunjin’s smile fell, giving way to another neutral expression and he just nodded, “I can head out, if you want me to.”

You looked at him. You wanted him to stay but…for what? Things were awkward, and you were so overwhelmed. Plus, it’d probably be a long call explaining to Felix that you’d actually decided to stay, and that you’d only panicked beforehand. You didn’t look forward to that conversation. Hyunjin was ready to go now though, and you wished he would stay. You wished he would once again ask you to stay. All of his passion from earlier had settled into…awkwardness, like he didn’t know what to do with himself after such a heavy confession, after begging you to stay. 

You spoke, “You haven’t finished your tea.”

He looked down at his mug, and he’d been drinking extra slow or maybe he’d poured more tea for himself just so he could stay here longer and find an excuse to talk to you, “But…Yongbok…”

Your phone kept buzzing, vibrating on the counter. You didn’t know what to say. He cleared his throat, “You should talk to him, he must be worried. I… think it’s best if I go, and I should be back at the dorm before morning. I don’t want to raise any suspicion. When I took the early flight here, I told the company it was because I was sick, so…they’d be expecting me to be at home.”

Your heart deflated, and you agreed, “That makes sense.”

There was such a strange bond. You could be angry at him all you wanted, but he was the only person you could be yourself around. The only one who brought you comfort, just by his mere presence, even if he said nothing. You had no idea what the two of you were right now, but you were warming up to him again, and things could almost be okay if this continued.

“But if you want me to stay here with you tonight, I can.” He added, “I don’t…want you to feel alone, not tonight.”

But what about every other night? You would always feel alone without him. Your eyebrows shot up at his suggestion, “I don’t know, Hyunjin. I…I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

He nodded, “You’re right. I should go. That’s probably the right thing to do.”

“Okay.” You swallowed. He put his mug away, unfinished tea, and then approached you, “If you…need something, my number is on that phone. You can call me, anytime. Don’t worry about disturbing me or anything.”

“Yeah. Okay”

He exhaled a breath, “I’ll see you soon, then. Goodnight.”

He was so close to you that you could smell the cologne, and you could smell him. His shampoo, or whatever it was. It smelled so good. You forced a smile at him, “Goodnight, Hyunjin.”

He walked to your living room, grabbed his coat, and slipped it on. 

You stood where you were, not wanting to be that close again, not trusting yourself with what you might do and regret. He looked at you from the door, “I’m…really sorry about what happened, with…Jieong, again. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does, but…yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s…not your fault.” You told him, the constantly buzzing phone not letting you think straight. 

“I know, but…I should have been there for you. I’m sorry about that too, but…call me if you need me, please.”

Your heart was crumbling, not being able to comprehend this. After all these months of sadness, was he really in your life again? None of this felt real. It was like a dream you’d conjured up to stop yourself from being so sad, but he was here, right now in your apartment. He turned the knob, and you blurted, “Wait—”

He looked back at you immediately, eyebrows raising in hope, “Yes?”

You stepped up, eliminating the distance between you, looking up at him, “Do you really mean it?”

His eyes searched yours, “Yeah.”

“You won’t get in trouble? If I contact you? What if…your managers find out about the other phone? Will you have to block me again?”

Hyunjin stared at you, and there was a determination in his eyes that you’d never seen, and a confidence, “They won’t find out.”

“If they do?”

He swallowed, gaze falling to your mouth briefly, “I’m willing to take that risk.”

“Oh.”

Your phone kept buzzing. He spoke, “You should really take that call. He would be worried.”

“You’re right.”

He glanced at you one last time, before leaving. 

You picked up your phone, voice shaky. You told Yongbok you’d decided to stay and when he asked you why, you didn’t know what to say. All your reasoning had blended into a mush of emotions and longing. Hyunjin must have said something really convincing back in the car, but you couldn’t remember what any of it was. You just knew that it had worked. You talked to him for the rest of the night. It was chilly and you should have gotten into bed, but you lingered in the kitchen for hours. It still smelt like him.

»»————-

You were woken up by a ringtone you didn’t recognise. Sitting up in bed, a heavy feeling settled in your chest. This had been happening for the past week. Each morning was compounded by sadness. As soon as you were conscious, you’d remember what happened with Jieong. Today, disorientation overtook the sadness. 

A phone was ringing. 

The ringtone…was a stupid silly love song that you were obsessed with back in Daejon. You reached for your laptop, pausing a rerun of The Vampire Diaries. You must have fallen asleep watching it, and you couldn’t comprehend what episode you were on now, having missed most of it in your asleep. Grabbing the blanket around your shoulders, you trudged to your living room, and sure enough, your new phone was buzzing. There was only one person who had this number. It was still baffling how Hyunjin bought you a flip fucking phone just so you could talk to him.

hyunjin hey, i just wanted to make sure it was working so i guess this is a test message you yea. its working. hyunjin oh im sorry. did i wake you up? you yup  hyunjin sorry…i hope you got enough rest. how did yongbok take it? you he was disappointed. he really wanted me to come home.

hyunjin i can imagine. did he ask why you changed your mind? you why? you want me to tell him that it was because of you? hyunjin it was? you i don’t know hyunjin. im still trying to figure it out. im kind of all over the place. hyunjin i understand

You stared at his texts, and this must have been the millionth time he had said sorry, but did he even know what he was sorry for? So much had happened in his absence, and it seemed like he had no idea what his loss had meant to you. Every conversation still felt like walking on eggshells, you didn’t know what he wanted from you now. Did he still have feelings for you? The night in the Atelier, he had said everything to get you to stay, yet nothing at the same time. All of his words were so carefully constructed for you, and you wish he’d been clear about what he wanted. Your heart was so fucking torn and confused. A part of you was still pushing Hyunjin away, and perhaps your anger was still lingering. But oh, you missed him so much.

He wanted you to see Christmas. You found yourself searching through search engines for pictures of Seoul during that festive time, and it sure looked beautiful and pretty, but it didn’t seem like a big enough deal. He must really love Christmas or something. You glanced over at your suitcases that lay at the edge of your bed, second-guessing everything when your phone began ringing, and you didn’t have the heart to ignore him. You crawled over to where it lay on the nightstand, and put the phone to your ear, listening quietly.

“Hey.” He spoke, a relief in his tone, “You picked up.”

You lied back down, pulling your covers over yourself, “I did.”

“What are you doing right now?” He asked. You stared at your ceiling, “I was watching a show…” You hadn’t been the most responsive tonight or this past few days. You were having trouble figuring out what this new relationship between you and Hyunjin meant. “You…haven’t unpacked?” He asked. You shrugged, “No. I’d prefer having it ready to go if I change my mind.”

There was a pause on the other end, “Right. Well, if you do plan on leaving, I hope you don’t do it in the middle of the night again. It’s not very practical.”

He was joking about it, but for some reason it made you smile, “Yup. I’ll be sure to wait until dawn next time.”

“Back when I was at the academy, I always had my suitcase packed up under my dorm bed, and I hid it there, just in case I needed to leave one night.”

“Why would you need to leave?” You frowned. He chuckled, harshly, “Um, training was hard. I almost quit…a lot of times.”

“Why was it hidden?” You sat up. It felt weird that you’d known him all this time but never known this. He laughed, “I was too nervous to admit I was scared. If I thought of quitting, it would make the other trainees think I was weak. I couldn’t let them see that. That’s the fastest way to be targeted.”

You heart hurt at the thought of a younger Hyunjin being scared, “You never told me that…”

“Yeah, it’s…something I don’t really like to talk about.”

“I’m sorry for making you think about it.” You bit your lip, feeling guilty for reminding you of a worse time. His tone was light to reassure you, “It’s not your fault. I guess seeing you the other night reminded me…of me.”

“Yeah. Why are you up at this time though?” You glanced at your bedside clock. He spoke, “I’m waiting for the guys to get home. They’re coming back from Bangkok tonight, and they have a late flight. I hope you’ve been getting enough sleep though.”

It was a strange feeling, knowing you and him were in the same city, unable to fall asleep. This was a first. You wish you could call him over, and maybe you could help each other fall asleep. Holding him would definitely help all your worries, and you could imagine how warm his body would be to cuddle. Would he even fit in your bed and on your cheap mattress, or would you have to be on top of each other? The thought made your heart squeeze. You were so tired of holding back all these thoughts, you wanted to be able to say them out loud. There was no point keeping these feelings to yourself, but for now, it didn’t seem appropriate for this new friendship you two were discovering. You swallowed your desires, saying, “I have to go to the Atelier this week to withdraw my application.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“What?” Yes. Yes. You wanted him with you all the time.

“I just thought that you might feel anxious, and…I can wait for you. If you ever feel uncomfortable, you can let me know and I’ll take you home.”

It was funny how he always knew the right thing to say, pushing all the right buttons that made your dopamine go batshit insane. It was funny that he was perfect for you, yet you still weren’t together.

“But you can’t even be seen in public with me.” You responded, and you hated thinking with your head and not your heart. He was quick to offer a solution, “I’ll…be in my car. It’ll be fine. Nobody will know I’m there.”

You chewed on your lip, considering your options, “You don’t have to go through all of that effort. It just sounds like an inconvenience for you to be there.”

There was silence on the other end, and Hyunjin spoke, “I don’t want you to be around Kim Jieong by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine.” The idea of Hyunjin accompanying you sounded tempting, but you couldn’t take responsibility for something like that. You’d caused him enough trouble in his life as is.

»»————-

Later that week, the receptionist of the Atelier was staring at you, a disapproving look on her face, “Are you sure? Once you input this request, you can’t change your mind.”  

“Yeah. I’m sure. I’m…positive” You spoke, hands flat on the front desk. She frowned, “You’re… positive that you want to withdraw your admission?”

The words sent a pang through your chest, a cruel reminder to your predicament, but you nodded, “Yeah.”

A familiar, comforting voice suddenly rang through the lobby, and you turned to see Jeonghan run up to you, a huge portfolio bag in hand. He was a sight for sore eyes. He looked so relaxed in his bucket hat and an oversized mint-green cardigan, with a smile on his face, “Y/N! Are you feeling any better?” …Right. He thought you were sick. He thought that’s the reason you hadn’t shown up to any classes. You smiled up at him. You hadn’t seen him in a while, “Yeah. Can you just give me a second? I’ll finish up here.”

“Sure. I'm just waiting for my friend anyway.” He nodded, slinging an arm around you, pulling you close. The receptionist blinked at you, unfazed by Jeonghan’s affectionate arrival, “And you’ve spoke to Mr. Jieong about this?”

“Yes, I’m sure he knows” You spoke, “Spoken to him about what?” Jeonghan asked, looking at you. You bit your lip, glancing up at him, “I… it’s not important”

He frowned, a sassy look on his face, “That’s not suspicious at all.”

“I can’t withdraw your admission unless you get your professor's signature" The receptionist said, handing you back your documents.

“I’m sorry, what?” Jeonghan laughed. You sighed, stepping away from the front desk and he tagged along, “I’m fucking tripping, right? Or did she just say you’re withdrawing your admission?”

You shrugged, staring at the documents in your hand, “I don’t know, I can’t afford it anymore. I have to talk to Jieong. Do you know where he is?”

“Probably in his office.” He said, “But are you not going to explain what’s going on?”

“I can’t get into it right now. Will you please come with me? I don’t want to be by myself.” You asked. He spoke without hesitation, “Of course I’ll come with you.”

You felt a different kind of terror and disappointment when you entered Jieong’s office. Jeonghan was right next to you, holding your hand and he didn’t even know what was happening but you were glad to have his support. Kim Jieong was hunched over his desk, looking through what seemed like portfolios, until he noticed the two of you walk in. He smiled brightly at you as if nothing had ever happened, “What brings the two of you in?”

You stared at him, figuring out what you could possibly say. Jeonghan’s hand was on the small of your back, and he squeezed you lightly as if encouraging you, and he said, “Just accompanying a friend.”

You looked at Jieong, and the way he sat like a king in his chair, and spoke, “I…needed your signature on something.”

“Nate. Do you mind if I speak to Y/N alone?” He asked, sending him a sweet smile. Jeonghan nodded, “Sure, of course.”

You could say nothing as he left you two alone. Jieong took off his glasses, staring at you, “This is ridiculous, Y/N.”

“I can’t do the classes anymore” You told him. His eyebrows shot up, “After everything you did to get in, you’re giving up like that? I know it’s hard, but don’t be so temperamental.”

“I’m not giving up. I’ll…still paint” You mumbled. He tilt his head, “For yourself? Where is that going to get you? I just think you’re making a big mistake.”

You swallowed, “So what, I come just back to classes and pretend nothing happened?”

“Well, what did happen, Y/N?” He chuckled, “I came to check in on you. As a concerned adult, I am responsible for my student, and you just ran away. And then you decided to skip classes for some reason. Now you’ve lost the chance for the scholarship, but you can still continue in the program.”

You stared at him, not even realising that of course he’d deny everything. You wondered if you should address it, but maybe now was the only time you could. “You…you said I should convince you.”

He leaned forward on his desk, “By making your greatest painting yet, of course. How…else? You are an artist at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“Can you please just sign my document so I can leave?” You spoke, more venom in your tone than you intended. He was pretending it didn’t happen. He frowned, clicking at his pen, “You’ve already paid for the next few months classes. You’re just going to let that go to waste?”

Were you making a big mistake? You were acting too much on emotion. Yet you couldn’t imagine being in the same room as him again, and feeling comfortable. He had ruined this for you.

“You used to be my favourite artist...” You said, almost accusatory. He stood up, the sound of his chair dragging against the wood was loud, “Used to be? Does someone else have your heart now?”

Your phone started buzzing in your pocket, Hyunjin must be calling you, and Jieong stepped around his table, walking closer to you. You hated this. You hated looking at him, and feeling this fear and anxiety when you should only feel admiration. “Please. I just need your signature and I’ll be gone. I haven’t said anything to anybody and I’m probably moving back home anyway, so please just do this for me.”

He crossed his arms, talking so nonchalantly as if this were a casual conversation, “No. If I let you withdraw, that’d be wasting your talent and potential.”

“So you want me to stay in the program?”

“That’s all I’ve wanted since day one.” He laughed, “You’re one of my most talented.”

Your head was beginning to hurt, “Then why did you cancel my scholarship…and why are you being like this?”

“I’m not being like anything. I’m just asking you to consider staying in the program. I don't know why you're so insistent on running away.” He stepped closer, and a month ago, his tone would could comforted you but not anymore. You made sure you were near the door so you could leave if you needed to, and you tried to find the least offensive way to say what you felt, “What do you mean? You made me uncomfortable the other night.”

“What did I do? Am I not allowed to check up on my students anymore?” He was acting clueless, and it pissed you off.. You felt insane like you were speaking to a child who couldn’t comprehend anything, “I don’t know…you tried to grab me.”

“No offence, Y/N, but you’re not exactly my type. In case you forgot, I’m a married man.” He held up his hand, showing you his wedding band, “If anything, you’re the one who’s been coming on to me.”

“What? No, I haven’t.”

“Really?” He didn’t seem like he believed you, and you didn’t have to justify yourself anyway. You felt frustrated by the way he was addressing this situation, making you feel crazy. “I’ve …never come on to you. That’s…insane. I have a boyfriend. I would be crazy to do that, not to mention how…inappropriate that is. Do you think I’d risk my—”

“You have a boyfriend? What you told me the other night was different.” He tilt his head. You were only going in circles and not going anywhere, as you said, “I try to keep my professional and personal life separate.”

“What’s his name?” He asked, clicking the pen in his hand, the noise driving you mad. You almost ended up saying Hyunjin’s name, until you realised you obviously couldn’t fucking do that. Hyunjin couldn’t be the convenience in this case, you don’t know what Jieong could do with that information, especially if he found out who Hyunjin really was. You swallowed, “Nate. Obviously.”

Jieong’s expression shifted, “I see.”

You weren’t sure if he believed you or not, but you wouldn’t stick around to find out, “I don’t even know why I’m talking about this with you. I just need you to give me my documents, so I can leave.”

“I’ll think about it.” He spoke. Your eyes widened, “What?”

“You can come collect them later, in case I change my mind.” He said, returning to his desk and sat down nonchalantly. You stared at him in disbelief, not wanting to start an argument or make him mad. This was pointless. You left his office, feeling worse than before, informing the receptionist that you couldn’t even fucking resign right now. Everything felt harder than it should be. A hurdle for everything. Getting into this program had been impossible, and it seemed like getting out of it was just as tough. 

The phone in your bag kept buzzing, and you stepped into the bathroom, picking up his call, “What?”

“Y/N…” Hyunjin seemed surprised at your tone, “I…was trying to reach you. What happened?”

Your eyes brimmed with tears of frustration, “Nothing. I’ve had a bad day. Why were you calling me so much?”

“I was going to come to the Academy. Are you still there?”

“You’re what?” Your voice shot up. His voice was calm on the other end, “I can’t let you speak to Jieong alone.”

“Where are you right now? You can’t come. They keep a record of every visitor and… you can in trouble with your company for being here. And I already talked to him so there isn’t any point.” You spoke. It was also frustrating how you wanted Hyunjin to be there for you, but you had to think of his life and his job always first, before yourself. It had always been the case though. He was quiet for a minute and then said, “You were alone with him? Where are you right now?”

“Nate was with me.” You said, staring at yourself in the mirror, and you looked like shit, in a hoodie you had worn for three days straight, “He’s…waiting for me outside.”

“I see…” Hyunjin responded, “I’m sorry. I wanted to be there for you.”

You sighed, “Don’t beat yourself up over it, Hyunjin. I’m fine. Jieong was absolutely useless though. He didn’t even let me withdraw! He was…being cryptic, and frustrating. I had to tell him Nate’s my boyfriend just to get him off my back.”

Hyunjin’s response was dry, “Oh. Okay.”

“I mean… I was lying.” You were stupidly justifying yourself, and he mumbled, “Yeah. Makes sense…I haven’t been able to focus on anything else but you since I woke up, so I just thought it’d be better if I came over there.”

“You don’t have to leave work for me, Hyunjin." You suddenly felt guilty, "I’m sorry we haven’t talked much. I just haven’t been in the best state of mind.”

“I just…want you to know that I’m here, if you ever want to talk about it. I’m sorry that you’re having a bad day.”

“Don’t worry about it, it's not your fault or anything.” You mumbled. He said, “I’ve been thinking and…I want to take you somewhere. I think it’ll take your mind off things.”

The request excited you, but coming from Hyunjin’s mouth, you couldn’t really believe it, “Somewhere in the city?”

“Yeah.”

“But is that allowed? For you to be seen with me in public?” It was the only question you had. You didn’t mean for it to sound so cold. It came out harsher than intended. Allowed as if Hyunjin was a child who needed permission to do anything he desired. He was quiet, and you feared you’d crossed the line, but then he suddenly said, “I…asked my manager for permission.”

At those words, your eyes widened. That was certainly something you hadn’t expected. “And what did you say?”

He let out a nervous chuckle, “I may have lied and told him my cousin was visiting from America and that it was my… responsibility to show them around the city. He obviously can’t stop me from hanging out with family, even if it’s in a crowded place.”

“So…I have to pretend to be your cousin?”

He laughed, “No. God, no. You don’t have to pretend to be anything. You can…be yourself. It’s just gonna be me and you.”

“Really?” You didn’t know what this was. Hyunjin was…definitely opening up to you in a way he hadn’t in months. You had no idea what to make of it. Perhaps this meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe he was only being friendly to make up for his behavior.

“Yeah. Is that okay with you? If it’s just…us?”

Just you and him. You’d craved for him this whole time. He seemed nervous since you hadn’t answered, “Y/N?”

“I’m here,” You said. He must have expected that you hung up. “Oh,” He replied, his tone relieved at hearing your voice. 

“So where did you want to take me?”

“You said that you haven’t been to Myeon-dong, and… that’s a crime. I was hoping to show you around.” He added, “But I… don’t know. I would understand if you were still pissed about… what I did, and if you don’t want to go.”

“I’m not pissed…” You thought about his words, “I’m just kind of confused, Hyunjin.”

“About me?”

“No, actually, let’s not discuss this over the phone…things get misinterpreted and… I’m really tired right now,” You mumbled. Hyunjin suddenly wanted to hang out with you again and this was a lot to unpack and shouldn’t be done now. He agreed, “You’re right. I'm sorry again that I couldn’t see you. I really didn’t want you to feel like you had to do that alone. Because I’m here, for you. I know I haven’t been but…yeah.”

When he said stuff like that, your stomach twisted. You’d been trying to maintain a line between you and him, a boundary based on all of the recent events, yet it felt futile. Your voice dropped, “Yeah, thank you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

You nodded, and a part of you already felt lighter at this proposition, “See you then, Hyunjin.”

You stepped out, making your way to the entrance and Nate spotted you. He ran up to you, pulling you into a half-hug, “How’d it go with Jieong? I can’t believe he kicked me out of his office.”

You shrugged, squinting under the sun, “I may have told him you were my boyfriend…”

He laughed, a smirk on his face, “What? Is that your way of asking me out?”

It was kind of nice that he had no idea what was going on. You could still pretend that things were normal. You felt embarrassed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “Jeonghan…no.”

“I know. I know. I’m kidding” He smiled, then took off his bucket hat, placing it on your head to protect you from the sun, “You need to get yourself a pair of sunglasses.”

“Thanks” You smiled. It was nice to be distracted from your disastrous exchange with Jieong. He looked around at all of the art students walking to classes, then back to you, “So are you coming back to class on Monday? You know it sucks without you, right?”

“Really? I take it you guys miss me a lot then.” You smiled. He rolled his eyes, “Of course I do. Honestly, you were my favorite thing about it, especially this last semester. Jieong’s got a stick up his ass for some reason. Anyway, me and Minnie miss you. Well, me more than her. I don’t have anybody to teach me your crazy ass techniques anymore. I mean, you’re the only one who can make me get my hands willingly dirty and paint with them.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, “They weren’t crazy. I thought you enjoyed painting with your hands. You’re a dick.”

He grinned, tapping your hat, “Only for you.”

You then noticed the black and gold bags at his feet, “So, what’s in the bags?”

“Unfortunately, nothing for you.” He sighed. “I was shopping for a tuxedo. Actually, now that you're here, I did have a crazy favor to ask you.”

You looked up at him, in anticipation, “Yeah? What’s the favour?”

“My sister, she lives in Busan, I told you, right? Well anyway, she’s getting married next Saturday, which is crazy in itself but…long story short, you’re coming with me. There’s no way I’m surviving that alone.”

“You want me to be your plus-one?” You asked. He shrugged, “I mean, you already told Jieong you’re my girlfriend…so it doesn’t hurt to keep up appearances does it?”

“I mean, I have to think about it. Do I have to dress up fancy and all?” You asked. He nodded, “Yeah, a formal dress preferably, but if anyone can pull that off, it would be you. You being by my side would actually make it bearable. Will you think about it and let me know? If you absolutely can’t go, that’s okay, I’ll take Minnie along, but… I’d…really prefer if it was you. After all, I can’t make out with Minnie when I’m drunk.”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s almost like you’re trying to convince me not to go.”

He smiled, “Please let me know about it. I gotta go meet my friend now. I’ll hopefully see you next Saturday?”

Maybe going to a fancy wedding would take your mind off things, and you smiled as he kissed your cheek goodbye, “No promises.”

»»————-

This was the Seoul you’d seen in the movies. It’s as if you’d stepped into a full spread of a magazine that you’d fawn over in your school library as you stared at Myeon-dong street. A seemingly endless alley of shops, food, and anything a person could want for. It was the afternoon, and it seemed to be the busiest time as throngs of people filtered in and out through the streets. Your gaze fell upon families, couples, and teenagers filling the streets still in their school uniforms.

There was a newspaper stand set up next to you, selling magazines and papers of all kinds, it even had some pop merchandise, random objects with pictures of idols on them, ranging from socks to mugs to paper fans. It was bizarre. The lady at the shop smiled at you, “Looking for something in particular?”

“Um, no, I was just looking.” You shook your head. She was dressed really well, and she smiled at you, “What’s your favorite group, sweetie?”

Your eyes meandered over the merchandise, and for a moment you considered saying the name of Hyunjin’s band but quickly decided against it, “Uh, I don’t listen to…” Just then, a teenage girl and her friend came behind you, filming a vlog of some kind, and the lady asked them the same question, her attention switching in a millisecond away from you, “Looking for something?”

To your surprise, the girl enthusiastically nodded, “Yes, please! Could we get a Hwang Hyunjin and Changbin necklace?”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped away from the stall to hide your reaction. You could see the lady reach into her supplies, pulling out several decorative items, along with t-shirts and necklaces. Hyunjin was on half of them, and a strange sense of pride and wonder filled you. That must be so fucking weird for him, but you suppose it also must be satisfying to be this famous. The teenage girl immediately reached for the Hyunjin necklace, a pendant with his name carved out in silver, and it was actually pretty, and not tacky, and a part of you wanted to get one for yourself but he’d think you were crazy if you did. She immediately put it around her neck, a big smile on her face. You stepped away, a strange jealousy building in your stomach.

It was almost the time he said he’d meet you here, so you walked to the junction, hands pushed into your deep coat pockets, looking around for the familiar face.

In the midst of the crowd, he was waiting for you.

He stood tall in a suede trench coat, a turtleneck, and a bag slung around him. He wore a black mask, obscuring his face from the onlookers, but people were still looking at him. Of course they were. He didn’t need to show his face to be the most beautiful man in the room.

He was looking around too, and you waited for him to notice you. Would you stand out to him too, like he did to you? Could he pick you out of a crowd of hundreds?

You pulled your phone out of your pocket, wondering if he would call and ask where you were. But then he noticed you. Even in this distance, you saw his eyes light up in recognition, and immediately, he stepped ahead, pushing through the moving crowd to get to you. You waited where you were, as he got closer and closer. Your heart pound to a different beat now. You had no idea what today would be about or what any of this meant to him, and one of the reasons you’d agreed to meet was to find out. He finally approached you, and his eyes crinkled as you imagined the hidden smile under his mask, “You’re here…”

You nodded, looking up at him, “Have you been waiting long?”

He shook his head, voice muffled, “No, don’t worry about it.”

You wish you could see him without the mask, but too many people here could recognise him. “There’s a couple of places I wanna show you.” He said, gesturing you to move. You walked next to him, and the tight space pushed you two together, arms brushing mistakenly. You looked around, “There’s a lot of people here”

“Mmh. It’s one of the busiest times of the day.”

“Why did you pick this time then?” You glanced up at him. He looked at you, “Well…Right now, we can just blend into the crowd. If there’s less people, we’re more likely to be noticed, and draw attention.”

So he had thought of that, and he was right. You weren’t really looking at other people because there were just far too many to keep track of, so they likely wouldn’t be looking at you too. To them, you just seemed like a normal couple on a day out. Your arms brushed against each other the whole time, and his hand hovered over your back. You kept sneaking glances at him, and it was harder because you were moving so fast, and he was taller and there was only so much of him you could see. Every time there was a change in the crowd, he’d quickly switch sides, grabbing your arm to keep you close. When you looked at him, his eyes crinkled as he tried to justify, “Just making sure I don’t lose you.”

The words sent a flutter through you, and you asked him, trying to be heard over the cacophony of sounds, “Did you know shops here sell merchandise with you?”

He looked back at you, distracted. He was seemingly too focused on finding his way through the crowd, “Um, yes, I’ve seen a few. Wait… this place has the best fried chicken, you need to try it. If we come later in the evening, there will be a really long wait for it. Changbin once made me wait two hours for it.”

“Oh, wow. Was it worth it?” You asked, stopping at what looked like an inconspicuous stall. He laughed, “I don’t know about that, but I’d do anything for Changbin, so I definitely wasn’t complaining. Anyway, the last time I was here, I could’t help but wonder what you’d think of it.” He then ordered a plate for the two of you, and you watched the vendor prepare it. It already smelled amazing, and you eagerly waited, hands in your pockets, “So do you come here with the guys often?”

He shook his head, “No, we haven’t gone out in a while. We’ve been so busy with promotions….and the album, haven’t really found time to relax.”

“I’m sorry. That sounds stressful. Do you not get any vacations?”

The vendor had finished preparing the chicken and was now seasoning it, sprinkling all kinds of spices over it. Hyunjin shrugged, “I think I used up my lifetime of vacations in Daejon.”

“Right.” You recalled all of his months there, “I hope you still got paid for it.”

He shook his head, face buried in the front of his coat, “It was still worth it though. I got to meet you.”

You blinked, wondering how and why he said such soul-changing stuff so casually. Like at a fucking chicken stall on the sidewalk. How did these things come so easily to him, but love so difficulty? You shrugged, “Right. I guess that’s why you didn’t need me anymore when you came back home.”

It was a joke, obviously, but Hyunjin’s eyebrows crinkled, “Y/N…”

“Oh, look, our food is ready.” You changed the topic, suddenly feeling guilty for bringing it up, and not wanting this to be awkward. He didn’t protest at your lack of subtlety, “Yeah. Come on, we can go into this alley so we’re not in everyone’s way.”

You followed him into a nearby alleyway. It was less crowded, so Hyunjin seemed more at ease at not being recognized yet you could see he was still a bit on edge as he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact with any passerby. He leaned against a brick wall, and you stood opposite him, savoring some of the chicken. He asked you, “You like it?”

To be honest, you couldn’t even process what you were eating. It was kind of hard to focus on other things when he was here, and this could have been the best chicken in the world but your internal monologue ran on a loop of Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. It was annoying, and you wish you could focus on the environment you were in, on the other people around you, on the street food. But you nodded, your crazy urge to be a people-pleaser and said, “Yeah, this is so fucking good. Are you gonna have some?” 

He shook his head, laughing, “I’m good. I’m just glad you like it.” You hummed, “Thank you for making me try it…”

You hated that the mask obscured his face. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and it made you anxious. He didn’t say anything for a while as you ate, like he was building up the courage to ask, until he finally did say, “So…how are you feeling, really? And please…don’t just say you’re fine. I want to know how you’re really doing. And how you’ve been the past few months. I’ve been wondering that for a while.”

Your eyes searched his, and that certainly didn’t seem like street side conversation but it was all you had, “That’s a pretty loaded question, Hyunjin, but I guess it’s good to be out of my apartment. Thanks for bringing me out here. I was kind of getting sick of my routine.”

He nodded, “I can imagine. You hate routines.”

You laughed, surprised that he knew that about you even though at this point, he probably knew you better than any human in the world, “Yeah.”

“Did you tell Nate that you’re thinking of withdrawing? I hope he convinced you to not do that.” He asked, hope in his tone. You shook your head, “No, he was in a really good mood, I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“He seems like a really good friend, and I know I didn’t really have the chance to talk to him, but he seems cool.”

“Yeah. He definitely helped. Seeing him had definitely put me at ease.” You reached for another piece of fried chicken, “When I was about to go back home, he didn’t really even cross my mind…but I realized, yeah, it would have been unfair to him if I just left without a word. I would definitely miss him. He was…such a big part of my last few months. I wouldn’t have adjusted to living in the city without him.”

Hyunjin was quiet, and then he spoke, “What do you mean?”

“Well,” You laughed, feeling embarrassed at the memory, but Hyunjin was the one who wanted to know all about your life the past few months, “I was so lost when I moved here. Everything seemed so…scary, but he made it easier for me.” Hyunjin was still staring at you so you elaborated, finding the need to explain, “He…made me meet his friends, he took me out to some really cool bars, and going to class was scary but he’s probably the reason I didn’t go back home sooner… now that I think of it.”

“Oh.” He pushed off the wall, choosing to walk along the alley, and you followed him, trying to keep up with his footsteps. Little hair salons and souvenir shops surrounded you. As you walked, you observed how your feet fit in the cobblestones just so you wouldn’t feel so nervous around him as you replayed the last few months in your head, “Yeah. Wow, I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until you asked. I mean…he had no reason to be so nice to me, especially because…this is embarrassing to talk about—”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, looking at you. It felt weird to think of all those months, but you were only talking about this because he asked. You’d been crying almost every day, because of…well, him. Everything had seemed so hopeless without him in your life, and now…you had bigger problems. Such as your dreams of a lifetime being absolutely fucked and burnt into the dust. So perhaps you had made your peace with what Hyunjin had done. Nothing could have made him change his mind, and there was…no point crying about it. 

You snapped back to reality, realising he was waiting for you to answer and you wonder how honest you should be. Something about how detached he’d been the past few months made it easier for you to open up, “It’s embarrassing because I was really all over the place. I was kind of…depressed? I don’t even know, but…Nate didn’t mind. He was so nice about it.” You then laughed, suddenly remembering the blind date Minnie had set you up on, “Oh, and I had this horrible fucking date, man it was so bad. Some people can be such assholes.”

“You were…depressed?”

You looked up at him, realizing how serious that could sound, “Um, I mean…that’s a big word…I guess.”

“Why…?” He looked at you, confused, eyebrows knitted together in sadness, “You weren’t happy about the apprenticeship?”

The happiness of that could never have compared to the sadness of losing him. You’d really dug yourself into a hole. You wondered how to say this without making it all about him. How could you tell him that he was your favourite thing in the world? You swallowed, “Uh…I…I was kind of lonely, I guess.”

Hyunjin stared at you, something flashing through his eyes, and it looked like…regret, or guilt. You immediately felt bad, gut sinking. He looked away from you, and cleared his throat, blinking, “So…you had a date? With Nate?”

“No, this other guy,” You explained, “A date with Nate would have been a million times better, but no, it was with this total ass. He…just wanted to get into my pants, I guess, and on top of that he also had horrible taste in beer. Nate did rescue me from it.”

“So…then what happened between you and him? At the party, you were…” He trailed off, staring at the ground as he walked, “You guys looked close.”

“I don’t know. We were just…fucking around. It doesn’t mean anything. He kissed me, and I guess that’s how it started.” 

Hyunjin glanced at you, “He kissed you?”

Why did it even matter right now? You clarified, “Technically, I kissed him…after my terrible date. And he returned it. Then, I guess we just…were casual friends who kissed.”

“Oh…Okay” 

“Yeah. You missed a huge chunk of my life.” You chuckled, and you’d finished all the chicken, so he threw the plate away in a trashcan. He then asked, “So…what else did you do in the city ever since you’ve been here?”

“I…uh…not much.” 

“What were your favourite moments?” He asked, “You must have had some good ones, right?”

You drifted off, trying to remember the times you’d been happy, and it was weird how you couldn’t think of many, “Well, when I got accepted. I was the happiest then. Then…when Jieong told me that I was talented, and when my paintings got complimented on in class. I was happy when I discovered a thrift store near my house, and…they had the cutest skirt in my size. It looked really cute on me.”

Hyunjin must be smiling, because you could see his eyes crinkle over the mask, “And?” 

“And…I was happy when I was with Kairi. We found this cute cafe we would go to. They had these really, really good sandwiches. I was happy when…” You stopped.

“When?”

You looked up at him, pushing your hands in your pockets, “When…I saw you, in the storage closet.”

He was quiet, processing your words, and then he said, “We’re almost here. Come on.”

You thought you’d just been walking aimlessly, but it seemed like Hyunjin had a destination in mind this whole time. There was a brick building hidden between K-marts and department shops. It looked abandoned. “Can we even go in?” You asked. He laughed, “Of course.” There was an incognito entrance, hidden from the public as you stepped in through the doors, “Are you sure? It feels like we’ll get murdered in there, Hyunjin.”

He glanced at you, “That’s a funny way of saying you don’t trust me.” 

You shrugged, playing along because it felt nice to pretend that things were normal again, “So, if there was a serial killer in there, you would fight him for me?”

He let out another laugh, looking at you, “I obviously would, and no there isn’t anybody in there, but maybe I should be asking if you would do that for me?”

“Nah, I think I’d sacrifice you so I could get away.” You smiled at him, and he laughed as you entered a fancy corridor. There was a huge map on the wall with different levels marked on it, and far too much detail than you’d expect. You still had no idea where you were. You tried to read it but Hyunjin walked ahead, and you caught up to him asking, “So…where are we?”

“It’s this…really cool concept store, for mainly streetwear. It’s one of a kind, all their clothes are inspired from the 90s and the coolest part is nobody really knows who the designer is. People speculate and such, but it’s anonymous and because their identity is hidden from the world, they can pretty much get away with anything, controversial designs and stuff. Ever since my stylist told me about, I knew I had to bring you here. It’s like…if Banksy made fashion, you know?”

The thoughtfulness of that didn’t miss you. He’d been thinking of you for a while, it seemed, and it looked like he was right. The first room you stepped in was already breathtaking. Cool technology surrounded the open floor plan, a suspended spaceship hung from the center, and clothes of vivid colors were displayed on racks amongst art installations and paintings. It seemed more like a museum than a fashion store. “Holy shit. You weren’t kidding.” You spoke, taking in all the futuristic displays,  “How much are these clothes even worth?”

Hyunjin laughed, “Just the same as any other high-fashion store.”

“So… insanely expensive,” You mumbled, running your hand through the variety of jackets hung up. They were the coolest designs you’d seen, and the precision that must have gone into designing them was obvious. Each had something that made it unique: different fabric patches, pockets of uncanny shapes, and neon colors that you couldn’t imagine pulling off. But in Seoul, there was an outfit for everybody, and these definitely weren’t for you. Each of them felt expensive to the touch, and you probably shouldn’t be touching them like so. 

“I wore something like this for a stage performance last month, and I was so stressed about ruining the sequins the entire time. Do you like any?” Hyunjin asked you, browsing through them too. You laughed, “Um yes, I love them, but I shouldn’t.”

“This one is really cool,” He spoke, eyeing a purple jacket, with lavendar fur on the neckline and sleeve loops. It looked like something aristocrats or royals would wear in Buckingham palace or something, so you laughed when Hyunjin asked, “Do you want to try it on?”

“If I get a speck of dirt on it, would I have to sell my soul?” You raised an eyebrow. Hyunjin scoffed, “You’re allowed to try them on. Come on. There’s a mirror somewhere here.” He grabbed the jacket off the shelf so casually, walking through the maze of displays until you reached a huge floor-to-ceiling mirror. He held the jacket up to you, and you couldn’t take this seriously, “That is so not me. It would look good on like Gigi Hadid or something.”

He rolled his eyes, “Just try it on.”

“Sure. I’ll humour you this once, but after this, I get to pick something ridiculous for you to wear.” You took off your winter coat. Hyunjin grabbed it for you, and you slipped on the purple jacket. Immediately, it felt like you were wearing millions of dollars, rich and thick fabric. It hugged your body perfectly. You turned to the mirror, running your hands over the fur, it was so soft. Wearing this would definitely make anybody feel confident.

Hyunjin hadn't said anything yet. Your eyes darted to his, and he was staring at your reflection. His eyebrows were raised, eyes wide, but you couldn’t see the rest of his face and that bothered you. You held your arms up, turning to the side to observe it, “It’s like a work of art.”

“Yeah. You make it look like one.” Hyunjin spoke. You glanced at him, feeling shy suddenly. He was so observant, so fixated on you.

“Well. Anyway. It’s my turn.” You walked to another section of the store. Hyunjin followed you through all the abstract installations. There must be a narrative behind it, but you were just happy appreciating the visuals. Silver water fountains, clothing displays that moved on their own... everything about this place screamed future. It was inspiring just to be in here. Hyunjin was sifting through a rack of streetwear. A sunglasses case rest next to it, and you stared at them, grabbing a design off the rack.

“You should try this,” You told him, offering him the glasses. His eyebrows shot up and he laughed, “Really? You don’t think they’re tacky? The gold borders?”

“I think they’d look good on you” You mumbled, but kept them back based on his reaction, “But fine, you don’t have to try them if you don’t want to—” 

“I’ll try them, Jesus” He interrupted you with a laugh and put them on. There were mirrors everywhere and he looked at himself. You wonder if he fell in love with himself too each time he saw his reflection. He pushed his hair back, a smirk playing at his lips, “Huh. I actually kind of like that. Makes me feel like a rockstar.”

He sparkled under the store lights. You’d only wanted him to wear it as a joke, but he actually made them look so good. He looked expensive, and... so out of your league. He was absolutely beautiful, and you mumbled, “You are kind of a rockstar. You should get them.” 

He glanced at you, eyebrow raised as if it was even a question. Those glasses seemed to be made for his perfect face. He pulled them off, observing the frame, “You think?”

You just nodded, not trusting what you might blurt. Probably something embarrassing along the lines of how hot he made them look, even though they were just fucking glasses, but him in them was doing something unnatural to your body.

“I can’t remember the last time I bought something for myself” He stated, pushing the glasses up over his head. You leaned against the mirror, looking up at him, “Is it because you always have to wear sponsorships and stuff?”

He nodded, “Yeah. It’s easier in a way because I don’t have to pick out much of my clothes.”

“That’s such a first-world, rich person problem, Hyunjin. I can’t believe you just said that.” You rolled your eyes. He laughed, “Hey, I’m just being honest with you, sorry.”

“You’re pretty lucky. I wish someone would buy my clothes for me” You sighed, “Unfortunately, I don’t have a stylist, and a make-up artist, and a personal shopper and a manager—”

“Stop” Hyunjin laughed, interrupting you, “I think what you pick out for yourself is pretty fantastic.”

“Yeah, I know it is.” You smiled, “So, is there any other cool stuff in this store?”

He nodded, stepping back from the mirror, and his hand fell to your lower back again as he guided you, “Yup. There’s a cafe. That’s where I was initially going to take you until you got distracted by all the jackets.”

The cafe was a beautiful rooftop establishment, looking out at the views of Seoul. You had to hold back your gasp when you walked in. There were hardly any people in, just a few men that looked like CEOs seated at far tables. Your eyes fell to the menu that hung over the counter, where every bakery item was easily more than 30,000 won. Everything was so expensive, and probably explained why this place wasn’t buzzing with people. Not everyone could afford this taste. “You should try the Pain au Chocolat. It’s one of the best in the city.” Hyunjin nudged you. You looked at him, “That statement indicates that you’ve somehow tried all the chocolate croissants in the city.”

He laughed, “Not nearly. I come here with Changbin and Jisung often though. A few weeks ago, I tried it and I just…kept imagining how much you’d like it.” 

You looked back at the menu, feeling giddy at the thought of being on his mind so often, in your absence. You stepped up to the counter, ordering two coffees and croissants. You’d come all this way after all.

“Hey, I got this.” Hyunjin said, stopping you before you could pay. But if he paid for your coffee, it would increasingly make this feel more like a date, which this wasn’t. You couldn’t make yourself feel delusional by thinking it was. 

“Don’t worry about it.” You dismissed him, handing your card to the cashier. He frowned, clearly not happy with the outcome, but you wouldn’t let him buy it for you. The cashier also seemed expensively dressed, with good taste, and she input your order and then said, “Unfortunately ma’am, you can’t wear the store merchandise around.”

You realised you were still wearing the lavendar fur jacket, loving the feel of it on you just like Hyunjin had loved it on you. Gosh, you wish you could never take it off just to see the look in his eyes again. Except you weren’t just playing dress-up. This was probably worth hundreds of thousands. You felt so embarrassed, and you immediately reached to unbutton it, “Shit. I’m so sorry…I can go put it back now.”

Were they going to charge you a lot for this mistake?

“Oh. It’s not merchandise, ma’am. We’re taking it home.” Hyunjin interrupted, and then looked at you, “You can keep it on.”

The cashier just smiled, “Oh, of course. My mistake then. Your order will be out in a few minutes. Have a nice day!”

You gaped at Hyunjin, “What?”

He laughed, tugging your arm to pull you away from the counter.

“Are you insane?”

“Oh, don’t hurt my feelings, Y/N” He joked, leading you to a table in the corner. He sat down, comfortably stretching his legs. You were still processing it, “This cost a fortune, you can’t just do that on a whim. I’m not okay with that.”

He sighed, gesturing at you to sit opposite him, “Come on. It’s not a big deal”

You crossed your arms, “Is this a way to get back at me because I paid for our coffees?”

He laughed, “Only you’d think someone’s getting back at you if they buy you a gift.”

You frowned, sitting down, “Well, I don’t like feeling like I owe someone something. This is far too expensive and I did nothing to earn that”

“Hey. You don’t owe me anything” He leaned forward, “I wanted to buy that for you. You can’t stop me.”

“Why?”

“Because…you look beautiful in it. It’d be a shame for anybody else in the world to wear it, and…” He looked embarrassed, “Because I saw that a few weeks ago and imagined it on you."

His compliment made your heart jump, and you wish you weren't so weak and crumbling over a boy of all things, but you didn’t want to feel ungrateful, “Oh….Thank you…Hyun.”

“So… you’re not mad at me then? You haven't called me that in a while.” He laughed. Your voice fell, touching the expensive material of the jacket, “No…I really love it. It’s beautiful.”

His smile grew, eyes crinkling, “I know. You look great in it.”

You eyed his mask, and that certainly could't be comfortable and you felt brave enough to finally say, “Are you going to wear that thing all day? I can’t even see you...but I guess I understand if you need to.” 

He looked around the cafe. He must have deemed it safe, because there weren’t many people on this floor, so he reached up, slipping his mask out finally. And god, he looked so fucking perfect under it. His nose was red from the cold. His lips were just as plush as you remembered, and they curled up into a beautiful smile for you, “Is that better for you?”

“I hate that you have to hide yourself.” 

His eyes widened just a tad, and perhaps he hadn’t expected you to be so candid, but you just nodded, “Don’t make a big deal out of it or something. Everybody in this country is in love with your face.”

The waitress then brought a tray of your coffees, and croissants, placing them between you. The view of Seoul from here was beautiful. Your heart soared, watching the sun fall on him, and he slipped on his brand-new sunglasses. They really did make him look like a rockstar, with the reflection of the glass buildings in them. He pushed his hair back, but it was a useless gesture because the strands fell back into place, bangs covering his forehead, and his hair had grown out much more. You looked around at the few businessmen in the cafe and asked, “So your managers really don’t mind that you’re out with a girl…on a random weekday?”

He nodded, cutting into the croissant with his knife, “Yeah of course. They don’t have to know.”

You sipped your coffee and then realized what he’d said, “Wait, what? They don’t know you’re here?”

Hyunjin glanced up at you, mid-bite into the croissant, chocolate creaming his lips, “What?”

“You told me you asked him for permission, so you wouldn’t get into trouble.” You stated. Realization sank into his features, and he nodded, “Um, yeah. I did”

Clearly, he was lying…and the fact that Hyunjin lied to his company about today put you on edge. He clearly noticed that. A sigh left his mouth, “Please don’t worry about it, Y/N…I thought everything through. I wanted you to have a good day.”

You couldn’t understand. A few months ago, Hyunjin let go of everything just so it wouldn’t risk his job, and now he was willingly doing this? What changed? Was it that he noticed your desperation to leave and thought he was at fault? Was he doing this all out of guilt, because he asked you to stay? You wouldn’t get any answers out of him right now, so you just decided to enjoy the chocolate croissant. 

“I am having a good day, don’t worry.” You remembered, “By the way I saw some shops out front. They had a lot of merchandise with familiar faces on them…”

“Oh no. What did you see?” He laughed, covering his face in his hands. He was so cute. You smiled, trying not to get distracted by how adorable he looked, “It was cool but I just… couldn’t wrap my head around it. How does it feel having your face literally everywhere?”

He took a long sip of his cappuccino, “Well…it takes some getting used to, but after a point you do.”

“I don’t think I could get used to my face being plastered everywhere, and people having it in their homes and stuff? It makes me anxious just thinking about it” You shuddered at just the thought, “You’re very brave.”

“Well, yeah you’d have your artwork in people’s homes instead.” He shrugged. You looked up at him, surprised, “That’s so far in the future, I can’t comprehend that”

“Maybe I could be your first buyer” He leaned back in his chair, “Would youu sell me one of your paintings for…a half a million won?”

“If you spend that much money on my shitty paintings, people would definitely think you’re sleeping with the artist.” You mumbled. He lift the mug to his mouth, eyes on yours over the rim, as he drank, “I suppose.”

If you could record your heartbeat in the moment, it’d cross inhumane levels surely. You stared at him, fighting the urge to smile, “Unfortunately, you’re fresh out of luck. All my paintings are in the trash as of last week…including the one I was actually proud of…the one I was working on for the prize.”

He grimaced, “Can I ask you what that painting was about?”

“Um. It was just based off this scientific theory… it’s silly.” You felt shy explaining the concept — it was completely inspired by the things Hyunjin had told you in the comfort of the night skies of Daejon. He frowned, putting away his food, “Tell me”

“I remember you telling me that there weren’t any stars in the city, and I was wondering…what would happen if there weren’t any for real. At all. In the world.”

He seemed intrigued, “And what did you find?”

“Just a bunch of theories, but… it’d make the universe a pretty bleak place. Most life would cease to exist…and I was trying to paint the ruins of the universe, or what would be left when everything was gone. I was trying out this new watercolour technique, for it to be abstract enough that it was up for interpretation but also concrete enough that…people felt despair when they looked at it.”

“That’s…depressing.” He blinked. You laughed, “I guess. You inspired me, I suppose.”

“Well, it seems like that painting would have been really beautiful. I’m sorry you lost it, but…I don’t understand why you threw the others away. I thought…you liked keeping all your old paintings, and holding onto those memories…”

For some reason you found yourself being so truthful with him, digging deep into your psyche to how you felt, “Man, I don’t know…everything in my life kind of feels stupid and meaningless right now. I wasted years of my life trying to get into that apprenticeship, only to basically be kicked out one semester in… it’s funny. And now I’m sitting in my apartment in my dream city with nothing to do. I guess holding onto things just feels stupid now. There’s no point. I don’t even feel like painting anymore.”

“You… shouldn’t feel that way, Y/N.” He suddenly sounded so sad, looking at you. You couldn’t find it in yourself to be sad anymore, you’d already lost everything. You shrugged, “It’s fine honestly… I’m sure I’ll eventually find some new dream to die over. I’m obsessive like that. I know there’s something out there…that’s meant for me. Probably.” The conversation seemed to have changed the mind though so you apologised, “Sorry for killing the mood.”

“You didn’t.” He responded instantly, and there was a deep emotion in his eyes that you couldn’t place. You’d seen glimpses of it before, in moments when he’d kissed you, when you’d talk to him back in Daejon, but you’d never seen it like this. It was ever-present now, and prominent, like he wasn’t trying to hide it anymore. Your eyes traveled over his face, and he was gazing at you in a way that made you want to curl up into yourself. It was too much.  

You bit into the croissant, aware of the messy chocolate on your lips, and glanced in the window hoping to catch a bit of your reflection. You wanted to make sure you looked fine, especially sitting across someone who looked perfect, croissant crumbs on his lips. No wonder his face was in every shop here. You were seriously sitting across Hyunjin on a rooftop cafe in Seoul, for real. It felt like a dream. This wasn’t a date. Yet everything about it felt like one. It was hard to wrap your head around this reality. Hyunjin was draped in sunset light and casually sipped his coffee, looking at you like that — like he was simultaneously trying to figure you out, and like you also held all the answers to the universe.The sky was a beautiful hue of pink and orange, casting a bright glow over the entire top floor. He looked out the window, and you observed him, and then he swiftly reached into his little book bag, taking out a camera. He must want to capture the beauty of the sunset, but instead he surprised you, “Can I please take a picture of you?”

You stiffened up, “Right now..?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, pushing his sunglasses up so he could look through the camera viewfinder. You glanced at your reflection again, and you looked fine but your lipgloss was smudged. You felt conscious, “Do you mind if I fix my lip—”

“No” He immediately interrupted, sitting up, “I mean… Don’t fix it, please. I like it the way it is.”

You frowned, “But it’s all messy…”

“I know.” 

His gaze pierced yours, sending shivers down your spine. And hell, you were supposed to be mad at him for a million things but you don’t think anybody had ever made you feel this beautiful before and he hadn’t even said anything. It was just the way he looked at you, the depth of his gaze, the intensity in his expression and his eagerness to capture you like this.

“Oh…okay” You nodded, and his lips spread into a satisfied smile. He lift the camera up, snapping a few and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You wish you were capturing the way Hyunjin looked at you instead. You could be a hundred years old and never get tired of that expression. His smile had given way to concentration, and he continued taking pictures of you. You wonder if you would ever get used to how he made you feel. 

You think all of this had to mean something. You weren’t stupid. He’d been flirting with you the entire day, and you hadn’t stopped him, or questioned it. After all, his way of talking didn’t feel like anything new. It was just how he used to be with you. Every compliment spoken so… easily and tenderly. After being away from his adoration for months, it felt like being plunged into an ice-cold bath. He had no qualms about being too direct or straightforward. He wasn’t sugarcoating anything. Had he finally given up on the charade of not wanting you in his life? Because right now, you were very much in his life. He put the camera down as if he’d heard your private thoughts, “Thank you for today. I was worried before that I had somehow ruined everything…” He paused, as if he was struggling with his thoughts, “With you. I know I dug myself into that hole…but…it feels good to be here with you. Feels like nothing changed since summer.”

Your heart constricted at those words, making you feel uneasy, but you smiled, because he seemed so happy in the moment. Except you didn’t want it to be like summer anymore though. Summer was beautiful, but it wasn’t enough. You desired and wanted more. You needed more of him with you, on you, in you, and now…after everything that had happened, after today, you somehow felt brave enough to not shy away from it.

»»————-

Your little evening with Hyunjin had already ruined you. You’d been home for just a few hours, and you’d already started reliving the events in your mind. You hadn’t even taken off the jacket he bought you, even though it would get crumpled the longer you wore it. You tried to distract yourself by cooking dinner so the scent of food could fill your apartment instead, but it still couldn’t rival the lingering fragrance of his cologne that clung to the jacket draped over your chair. 

Only an hour had passed and you gave up trying to distract yourself and sat on your bed, staring at the ceiling. You knew you shouldn’t be thinking about him, and you should probably try to protect your heart. You knew you should probably take off this jacket that cost hundreds. You’d worked so hard to try to move on but now that he was fighting to be in your life, it was like all your efforts had been for nothing. You ended up pulling up his videos, watching all of his performances from years and years ago, seeing the way he grew over time into the performer he was. All of the comments were in love with him. Millions, just like you, watching him in their bedrooms. You knew for sure, that you couldn’t let things go back to what they were: just fleeting moments of passion, and waiting on the edge of your seat for the next kiss. You knew now, that you needed something real from him.  You’d changed and pretending that your feelings hadn’t deepened in his absence would only be a useless task. 

»»————-

There was a voicemail in your inbox from Kairi. It had been a few days since you’d gone out with Hyunjin, and he’d unwittingly inspired you to step the fuck out of your apartment. You’d been walking through the market, browsing the collections of knick-knacks and shops, trying to find something Felix and Minho would really like. You wanted to mail stuff home that reminded you of them. You pressed your phone to your ear, trying to hear Kairi’s voicemail over the noise of the streets. She started out saying, “Hey, Y/N. I tried calling you, but I think you were busy so I just thought I’d leave you a message, and you can get back to me whenever. I know a lot is going on with you, and I haven’t exactly been the best friend I could have. I’m sorry, I guess I was still trying to readjust to having Chris back in my life.”

The electronics store you stepped into was huge, spanning almost five different floors, featuring tech that you hadn’t even heard of. The aisles were full of inventions and gadgets that Daejon could only even dream of. Kairi’s voicemail continued, “So what I was getting at is that there’s a…dinner party at my apartment. It’s…sort of an annual thing, I do it every year. My parents used to host them, but I've been doing them ever since they moved out. It’s fancy for no reason at all, but I love doing it because it’s a tradition? It’s not a lot of people, usually just me, the boys, and some of Chan’s friends. I’m going to make a six-course meal, and that sounds crazy. I guess it is, but I like doing it. Anyway, I guess this is just a long-winded way of me saying that…I would really like if you were there.”

You stopped in the middle of the aisle, listening to her continue, “I know that probably sounds like a lot for you, and… I’ve had these parties each year and I never really invite anybody, because it’s just…a really small gathering. The boys have been overworked too, so this would be perfect for them. I completely understand if you don’t want to come, but please consider it. I really want you there, and…you can bring Nate. I know that might put you at ease. Just think about it and let me know.”

Despite how warm her invitation made you feel, it was this Saturday. The same night you were going out with Nate. You had already long promised him you’d be his plus-one to the wedding reception. He was your friend and you couldn’t bail on him, no matter how much you craved to see Hyunjin and Kairi, and the others. Meeting him would just have to wait.

»»————-

Jeonghan’s arm fit perfectly on your waist, and he was all smiles as he introduced you to the rest of his family. Surprisingly, you weren’t nervous about tonight at all. His presence brought you ease. You’d bought a new dress, the color of cherries, a bow decorating the back, hoping it would match the vibe of everybody else at the reception. It made you feel confident enough to tackle tonight. It was a cold night, and the dress fell to your thighs, but nobody else seemed to care about the weather as they danced in strappy tops, and short skirts. Jeonghan, on the other hand, made you feel confident too. He’d proudly introduced you to everyone, and for a while there, it almost felt like you were going out together. He leaned into your ear, breath warm on your neck, “So, how are we feeling?”

You spoke through a smile, watching the guests on the dance floor, “Well. I’ve certainly never been to a wedding reception this fancy…people here really spend money on everything.”

He shook his head, “Nope. They just like to show that they can.” You glanced at him, “You know you are talking about your own family, right?” You had known Jeonghan was well-off, but truthfully, you never knew he was this wealthy. The wedding reception had been grand, and ice sculptures decorated each table setting. It was all a bit much, you could appreciate the grandeur though. He rolled his eyes, “Mum and dad have been planning this day their whole lives. I’m surprised they didn’t fly us all out to an island in the Bahamas.”

“Well, I would’ve loved to be your plus-one for that.” You laughed. He shrugged, “Who knows? Maybe for my wedding."

It was a beautiful location anyway, even if it wasn’t the Bahamas. An outdoor garden setting, hundreds of twinkling lights lit up the trees, and a dance floor where all the guests were letting loose, clearly very tipsy. You looked up at the canopy of trees, which were decorated with lush wildflowers, “Those alone must have cost you millions of won.”

“Much like your company tonight” He mumbled. You laughed, looking at him, “Whatever do you mean?”

He turned to face you, both hands grabbing you by the waist, “You know I really thought you’d ditch me tonight. Don’t you have your friend’s dinner party tonight?”

“Well…you asked me first. I made you a promise. I happen to be a good friend.”

Jeonghan smiled prettily, and he looked handsome today in the tuxedo, his hair swept back. He pulled you closer, hands on your bare back, “Thank you. Tonight would have sucked without you.”

“It’s your sister’s wedding. That’s not very nice to say” You frowned, teasing him. He chuckled, “Precisely. It’s her wedding, and I had no say on the guest list. You’re the only one I picked to be here tonight.”

You smiled, uncaring of the fact that you were in a very public space with almost all his relatives watching your intimate exchange, “I’m honored to be there for you.”

His eyes drifted over you, cheeks darkening, “You really do look pretty tonight. The other guy is definitely missing out.”

You rolled your eyes, the mention of Hyunjin stinging you a little bit, but all the wine you’d consumed tonight made it more bearable. 

“Nate, honey, can you come here a second?” An older woman interrupted, stepping over to you. One of the guests, who he’d introduced to you as his aunt, smiled at the two of you, “I’m sorry to interrupt. I need your help with something, sweetie.”

Unwillingly, Jeonghan let go of you, fingers brushing the bow on your back as he did. “I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.” He spoke. You laughed, “Don’t worry. Take your time.”

He leaned in, pressing a cheek to your kiss before following his aunt through the crowd. You smiled as he left whilst complaining about whatever task she put him up to. Being here with Jeonghan felt intimate, but it was never uncomfortable. You felt relaxed around him and his family, and he never pushed your boundaries. The reception had also been beautiful, and even though you didn’t know the wedding couple, the hopeless romantic in you craved for the kind of love they held. They’d been high school sweethearts, and the idea of that itself felt crazy to you. How must it feel to be so sure of your choice, and to have been in love for so long? You held your purse tightly, watching the couples on the dance floor. It was sweet. It was only ten minutes until Jeonghan was running back to you, “I’m sorry that took me so long. She wanted me to take pictures of her. Again!”

You laughed, “She must think you’re a real good photographer.” He rolled his eyes, “She just wants a new Facebook profile picture. I think I need more tequila.”

“That doesn’t sound like a smart idea.” You mumbled. He tugged at your hand, pulling you to the open bar, “Just one more wouldn’t hurt.”

You gave in since this was his party after all and you were only a guest, letting him lead you as he ordered you both a round of shots. He leaned against the bar, rolling his sleeves up and admittedly that made him look hot. You glanced at your phone, noticing a few messages from Kairi. You don’t know why you expected a text from Hyunjin, but in your hurry, you’d stupidly left your other phone at home. The one he bought you, where he’d text and call you. After all, keeping track of two phones was hard.

After a quick round of shots, you settled on the bar stools, watching all his drunk relatives, laughing about the stories he told you about them. The hours passed, and you were both tipsy, sitting so close at the bar. You could have easily kissed him. But you couldn’t stop thinking about Hyunjin. It’s like Jeonghan knew that too. He was holding your face, thumb brushing against your mouth as he mumbled in a drunk-haze, “You know what I think?"

"Hmm?"

"I think you should really get to that dinner, Y/N. I’ll be fine here.”

“I can’t leave you alone. I promised you.” You spoke. He laughed, “And I’m glad you came, but…wouldn’t your friend feel bad if you don’t show up?”

“She knows I have…prior obligations. They wouldn’t miss me.” You frowned, and suddenly the anxiety was back in your stomach. You were a little tired, and the thought of showing up at the dinner, where Hyunjin would definitely be, paralyzed you. Yet you also told Kairi you’d try your best to make it, even if only for a little while to grab dessert and you had to be a good friend to her too. Jeonghan nodded, “Just show up for her. I’m sure she would want you there. Plus, you look…really hot tonight. It’d be a waste to only wear that dress in front of my traditional old relatives. I’ll call you a taxi, okay?”

He was right. The formalities of the reception was over and now it was probably just going to be a never-ending party until dawn. It would be nice to see Kairi and the others tonight, even if you weren’t mentally prepared for it at all. You hadn’t thought you’d get a chance to get there at all. You cracked a smile at his consideration, looking up at him, “I guess I should get going now, if I want to make it in time for dessert. Only because you’re forcing me.”

Jeonghan nodded, helping you jump off the bar stool, and you looked back at the reception party. Everybody was having so much fun, you wish you could stay the entire night. You let Jeonghan lead you to the street, where the taxi waited for you. He thanked you for showing up and kissed you a short goodbye. When you sat in the taxi, you sent Kairi a simple text that you were on your way, and you hope that you were still welcome there.

»»————-

Of course things weren't going to go your way. The cab driver dropped you off on the wrong street, and after a long struggle in your kitten-heels you finally made it to Kairi’s doorstep. The cold had definitely sobered you up a bit, bringing back your nervousness about being here, but Kairi had clearly felt comfortable enough to have you over so you’d suck it up. Her place was inside a lavish apartment complex, and you rang the doorbell, waiting impatiently. Your stomach was already twisting at the prospect of meeting everyone, and at seeing him again. It was Chan who answered the door, and for a second it felt like you had no idea what to say, until he grinned, “You’re here!” He stepped forward and pulled you into a half-hug, on his doorstep. You were taken aback, definitely not expecting the physical contact. After all this was only your second time meeting him, but you bought your arm up, hugging him back briefly. His hair was curly, and he smelled nice. It was all you registered before he stepped back, inviting you in. 

“I’m sorry I’m so late. I was at a wedding…” You began to explain, and he shook his head, curls bouncing, “Don’t apologise! Kairi told me you had plans already so no hard feelings. We’re just glad you could make it in time…let me take your coat.”

He grabbed it from you, hooking it on a coat hanger as you looked around. It was a decently sized place, far bigger than your apartment. A set of stairs led to another floor. Dinner must have been really good, because you could still smell the aromas. Chan said, “And…I’ve been wanting to say this for a while, but sorry for my behaviour the last time we met, at Kairi’s birthday. I was really drunk and emotional, I’m not usually like that.”

“No, you were just really fucking desperate.” Kairi’s voice interrupted, and she ran over to you, pulling you into a tight hug. Relief surged through you at seeing her here. She looked beautiful, in a midnight blue corset, and high-waisted black pants to match and you smiled at her, “You look so good. Thank you for having me over. ”

“Me?” She laughed, raising an eyebrow, “Look at you. You’re all dolled up, like a fairy.”

“I’m really sorry I missed dinner. It smells amazing.” You frowned. She sighed dramatically, “I missed you to death, but I’ll live. This just means we need to do another one of these soon. Come on, everybody’s in there!”

Before you could mentally prepare, she’d pulled you into another room, Chan following behind. You tried to register everything. It was a cosy living room, ambient purple and orange lighting cast over everything. A popular pop song was playing at a low volume in the background. There was a lot of seating, a couch, and a bunch of unique, colourful chairs surrounded the coffee table. There seemed to be a lot of people in the room, and maybe that last round of shots had been a bad idea as you tried to register all of their faces. They were all busy in conversation, wine glasses in hand, not having noticed you yet, and you hoped it stayed like so. That way, you could just slip into conversation with no embarrassing announcement of your arrival. This was the first time you’d be meeting the band. There were two other people here that you didn’t recognise. They were both dressed casually, in cargo pants and a white beanie, and you felt a bit overdressed. “They’re some of Chan’s friends, and they work with the band. That’s Hanbin and that’s Sunmi.” Kairi leaned in to whisper. Somebody in the corner was playing the piano, a beautiful low melody, and Kairi tapped him on the shoulder, saying, “Hey. She’s here.”

Immediately, he stopped playing. Jisung — the one on the piano — burst into a smile and stood up, “Shit. You’re actually like, here!” He pulled you into a hug, just like Chan had, and they must all be touchy or very drunk. As he stepped back, he continued smiling, extending a hand, “Han Jisung, by the way.”

“We’ve met before…kind of.” You said, meeting his hand with yours. Realisation sank into his face, and all his expressions were exaggerated as he nodded, “Right, right, we have. In the company building when I dropped all your coins at the vending machine…I was an idiot.”

“When are you not?” Somebody joined you, slinging a strong arm around Jisung. You recognized him from the pictures, “Hey, Y/N…You must know who I am, right?” Changbin had a coy smile on his face, dressed in a navy button-up that only he could probably make look this good. You smiled at him, “Yeah, I do. It’s nice to meet you in person.”

He smiled, gesturing to someone, “I don’t think you’ve met Hanbin.” At those words, the boy you didn’t know stood from the couch, and you regretted pulling them out of their comfortable conversation circle, “Oh, you don’t need to get up for me.”

In the midst of the chaos and onslaught of introductions, your eyes finally found Hyunjin. He was standing by the couch, a drink in his hand, at the far end of the room, laughing about something with a girl — who was probably Sunmi. Your stomach jumped, goosebumps rippling up your entire body. He looked absolutely fucking insane. In a good way, in the best way. His hair was tied up into a low ponytail, but strands of hair fell into his face, framing it perfectly. The purple light cast rhythmic shadows on his face. He stood in a black sweater, and tight denim-wash jeans, one hand tucked into his pocket. He was only standing in a living room, but he could just as easily have been posing for a Vogue photoshoot, by his perfect stance. He hadn’t realized you were here yet, or maybe he was pretending to not notice. You didn’t have time to think about it before Hanbin stepped ahead, blocking him from your view, “Kairi would not stop talking about you the past three hours.”

You flushed, “Oh… I wish I could have been here for the entire dinner. Knowing her, it must have been great.”

“We did save you some.” Chan added. You murmured a thank you, feeling dizzy from all the attention. They were almost all talking over each other, and you were already so overwhelmed. Jisung gestured to you, “Grab a drink and sit with me.”

“No, let her eat first. Baby, you mind heating up the leftovers for Y/N?” Kairi asked Chan. You shook your head, “Please, there’s no need for that. I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

Kairi rolled her eyes, “Girl, you’re my guest of honor.” Chan smiled at you, “You can follow me.” 

So, you went with him into the hallway, passing by a doorway. A door was left ajar, a glimpse into a room. It was only half a second, but you saw a wooden bed frame and a sliver of a wall of art, “Is that Kairi’s room?”

Chan shook his head, “It used to be, but she made it into a guest bedroom. Hyunjin mostly sleeps in there now. Come on. The kitchen’s through here.” He said, his strong voice guiding you through the corridor. “Right, sorry,” you said, turning away from the door and following him to the kitchen. The kitchen was big too, and set up beautifully, with marble countertops and a small kitchen island. Chan reached into the sink, rummaging through some dirty dishes, “Sorry. We’ve been meaning to run the dishwasher. Kairi kind of goes crazy at these dinners.”

You leaned against the counter, “That’s fine. No judgement.”

“Thank you.” He laughed, looking over his shoulder at you, “We’re usually much more organized than this, I promise.”

“You have a lot on your plate already, Chan. I completely understand.” You told him, with a smile. He laughed, “You’re sweet. I’m just heating up some of the chicken and fondant potatoes for you. That good?”

“Could I actually have some water? If… that’s okay” You asked. He smiled, “Of course it is. Make yourself at home. There are some clean mugs in the cabinet. You can just grab one and help yourself.” You walked around the island, opening up the cabinet. Mugs of different shapes and sizes were arranged precisely in there, and Kairi’s unique taste was definitely recognisable. A cerulean blue mug made of porcelain rested in the very back. You rather get a mug they sparsely used, so you reached for it, pulling it out. Pushing it under the tap, you began filling it with water. Chan glanced at you and your selection, “Oh. That’s Hyunjin’s favorite.”

You stilled, “Oh. Sorry. Should I pick another?”

Of course it fucking was. Why did you have to pick that one amongst all of them? “No, no, go ahead. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Chan smiled, pushing a button to start the dishwasher and then crossed his arms towards you, “I’ll just go see if the guys need any more drinks.”

“Sure.” You responded, taking a slow sip from the mug, and the knowledge that it was his favourite mug made you feel jittery. Doing all those shots before coming to see Hyunjin had been a terrible idea. You grabbed your water and held it tight, returning to the living room, where you could hear loud laughter from. They were all back in conversation, and Changbin was imitating a silly dance, making Hyunjin laugh. You stood under the archway, watching them. A few seconds went by, and Hyunjin was still laughing, crinkled eyes, and he reached up to tuck his hair back absentmindedly, and that’s when he saw you.

You don’t know what you were expecting. He stilled, eyes widening, trailing off in the middle of his conversation. He really hadn’t known you had arrived. His lips formed a small smile, and that was so fucking attractive, and from across the room, he mouthed, “Hey.”

The tension within you dissipated. You had to fight your smile, feeling lovestruck and lovesick by a smile word. All he said was hi. Then why did your knees already feel weak? Why did it feel like the first time you had seen him, unable to comprehend anything except his absolutely, insane beauty? You shot him a soft smile, mouthing back, “Hey.”

He sidestepped his friends, walking over to you, and you felt shy under his intense gaze. His stance was casual and so confident, and in another universe you could imagine meeting him at a college party like this. “You came.” He spoke, and you tilt your head up to look him in the eyes, “Yeah. I did.”

His eyes fell to the mug in your hands, and you realised there was a lipstick stain on it. Your lipstick stain. On his stuff. You apologised, “Um, sorry, Chan said I can—”

“Don’t worry” He interrupted too quick, eyes flickering over your form, “How are you?”

You’d already decided this was your time to be brave, and you weren’t going to hold back tonight, “I’m okay. I’ve been wanting to reach out to you and I—” 

“So, what took you so long tonight?” Hanbin asked, stepping up to the two of you. You glanced at him, wishing he hadn’t interrupted you but he was being polite so you spoke, “Oh, I was at a wedding reception. I promised my friend I’d be his date.”

“Ahh. That’s why you’re dressed up so pretty. Was it a good reception?” He asked. You smiled at his compliment, “Yeah. I…had a great time actually. It was definitely a fancy event.”

“Can I see the pictures? Please tell me you took some!” Kairi asked, overhearing the conversation. She was perched on Chan’s lap, and you shot Hyunjin an apologetic smile, you’d just have to speak to him later and you handed your phone over to her, “Yeah, actually I did. Jeonghan is kind of obsessed with taking pictures, so we took a lot.”

She scrolled through your gallery, and Jisung leaned in over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the pictures too, “Wow. That shit looks…expensive.Your friend’s loaded.”

You laughed, “I guess his family is pretty rich.”

“He took a lot of pictures of just you.” Kairi teased, scrolling through, “I mean, I don’t blame him. You look like you stepped out of a fairytale.”

“Um. You should have seen the bride.” You laughed. Jisung was still nosily peeking into your phone, “So, who’s Jeonghan?”

“He’s a…friend.” You explained, while Chan handed you a drink. It seemed like one of his famous cocktails Hyunjin had told you about, but nothing could beat the drink he had made you on his last night in Daejon. Despite how much you wanted to try this, you really didn’t want to be drunk tonight, “Um…I shouldn’t. I already drank more than I should have tonight.”

“I mean, objectively, the best thing about weddings is the open bars,” Changbin pointed out. You laughed, “You’re right and Jeonghan used that same excuse to force me through five rounds of tequila.”

Jisung’s eyes widened, “You’re fucking kidding me. You must have a high tolerance if you’re so sober after five shots.”

“I think the walk in the cold definitely contributed to that” You joked, and then explained due to his perplexed look, “I must have put in the wrong location because the cab driver dropped me off a few blocks away.”

“In those shoes? I would have given up.” Changbin asked.

“So you took a cab alone?” Hyunjin suddenly asked. Your gaze darted to him, surprised he’d spoken up and you hadn’t realised how much you’d insanely missed his delicate voice. You nodded, “Um, yeah.”

“Your… friend sent you here in a cab when you were drunk and by yourself?”

“I mean…yeah. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Nate couldn’t have dropped you here?” He asked. You frowned, “It’s not like I was gonna ask him to bring me here, it was his family’s party.” His eyebrows shot up, “Isn’t he rich? I’m sure he could have figured out a way.”

“These pictures are beautiful,” Kairi spoke, cutting the tension in the room as she handed you your phone back. You were staring at Hyunjin, and at his misplaced concern. Changbin had also clearly picked up on it, because he nudged him in the stomach, “If you were so worried about her, you should have offered to pick her up.”

Hyunjin took a sip of his drink, nonchalant face, “I did.”

Your eyes widened. When did he offer that? You showed your honest surprise, “I… didn’t know.”

The room was quiet, and Jisung chuckled, “Must be the first girl in history to ignore your texts, Jinnie”. 

The others laughed, but Hyunjin genuinely looked hurt that you hadn’t taken him up on his offer. In all truth, you never saw that text. If you did, you would have said yes. You’d forgotten the phone he gave you at your bedside table, and you couldn’t be blamed for not being able to keep track of it when so much was going on. You shook your head, “No, I just…had a lot on my mind, I was with Jeonghan the whole day, I must have missed it.”

Your response satisfied the room, but seemed to be the wrong answer for Hyunjin by the slight hurt in his eyes that only you noticed. It sucked because the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel like that tonight.

“So how do you know Kairi?” Hanbin asked, smiling attentively at you. You couldn’t focus, hoping Hyunjin wasn’t genuinely hurt and spoke, “Oh…it was just a coincidence. I met her in a bar.” Kairi nodded along, “And she offered to give me her jacket! Some fucking loser had thrown his drink on me.”

Hanbin laughed, adjusting his beanie, “I see. I see...So I take it you’re not a fan then?”

“Sorry?”

“You ain’t heard these guys’ music before?” He gestured towards the boys. You nodded, realising he was asking if you liked the band “Oh, some of it, yeah.”

“Oh, you’re hurting my feelings, Y/N.” Changbin pouted. Sunmi rolled her eyes, “No, it’s a breath of fresh air to see you not fawning over them. I like you already.”

Oh, if only she knew how much you did obsess over one of them. She would be concerned for you, if she could read your mind around him. You forced a smile, “I just honestly… hadn’t heard of it until a few months ago.”

Her eyes widened, “You’re kidding. How do you live in Seoul and not hear of them?” Then Chan leaned forward, adding to explain to you, “Sunmi’s one of our producers, by the way. She’s been with us since our second album. One of the best.”

“And Y/N isn’t a local.” Kairi added, “She moved here a while ago.”

“Yeah the music scene back home is….not the biggest.” You said briefly, not wanting to talk about yourself too much. You had been hoping to blend in, not be the centre of attention tonight and Sunmi asked, “And where is… back home?”

“Okay! A pause on the questions. I need Y/N for something.” Kairi interrupted, coming over to you and leaned in to whisper, “Wanna come with me to the kitchen? I’m getting another drink.”

You nodded, relieved she could pick up on your body language. As soon as you were out of earshot of the living room, she mumbled, “I’m sorry. They ask you a lot of questions. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being interrogated.”

“No, I don’t mind, I’m just kind of tired and feel like I may not be at my best social energy right now.” You apologised, leaning against the counter, as she made a cocktail for herself. Her eyes wandered over you, “You really do look beautiful. I love the glitter eyeshadow.”

“You like my bow?” You smiled, twirling to show her. She laughed, “It’s the cherry on top. So, how was it tonight with Nate? As far as I remember…. he has the biggest crush on you, or he’s just a very sincere… fuckboy.”

“Regardless…I had a really good time with him.” You said, running your finger along the marble slab. You could hear Jisung and Changbin’s loud laughter from the other room. They seemed like a lot of fun, and you definitely wanted to relax for the rest of the night. You wanted them to like you too, so perhaps you could do with a little liquid courage. As if she read your mind, Kairi finished mixing her drink then tilt her head, “You suuure you don’t want one?”

But every other time you’d gotten tipsy around Hyunjin, you’d ended up doing something stupid. “No, I…think I’ll stick with water.” You decided. She let out a sigh, taking a sip of her vodka, “Did you two kiss tonight?”

“Me and Jeonghan…?” You were surprised at the question. She hummed, “Yeah, sorry if that was weird to ask. I just know…things between you and Hyunjin…aren’t the best.”

“Did you hear us? The other night in the car?” You ended up asking, even though it was embarrassing for you to bring up that argument. She looked up at you, “Bits and pieces.”

“And what’d you think?” You bit your lip. She sighed, “I think you both…have a lot of pent-up feelings. It’s good you got them out.”

“It felt…immature to fight him. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I’m usually not…that vocal”

“There was nothing wrong with what you said. I mean, trust me, I’ve had a hell of a lot more aggressive fights with Chris. We end up saying a lot of stuff we don’t mean.”

“Well, that’s the thing. I meant everything. I don’t really regret any of it.”

“Then he needed to hear that.” Kairi agreed, “I didn’t know he cut you off like that completely. I would have been devastated if I was you. I’d say you handled it pretty well… Hyunjin doesn’t really talk to me about you, and I wish I could be more helpful. How do you feel now?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know if I mentioned it to you, but he took me shopping last week… I don’t know how I feel about it. It felt a lot like a date, but it wasn’t. I just…wish I had some surety from him, you know?”

Her hand landed on yours comfortingly, “Well, you don’t have to decide right now. I’m just glad you chose to come tonight.”

“Are you girls gonna spend the entire night gossiping without us?” Jisung interrupted. You turned and saw him in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed. You hope he didn’t overhear anything. Kairi laughed, “What do you need?”

Jisung grinned widely, “Well, actually. I was gonna go get ice from the fridge upstairs, if any of you want to accompany me for that? Make you feel helpful.”

“I could come with.” You offered, smiling at him. He did a small fist pump, “Exactly the outcome I was hoping for. No offence, Kair”

As you followed him up the stairs to the storage room, he reminded you, “Be careful, your heels. I’ve fallen face-first on these steps more times than I’d admit.” 

Your heart warmed at his concern, and you grabbed the bannister to keep your balance.“Cool place though, right?” He asked, looking back at you as you observed the framed pictures on the wall and he continued, “Me and the boys used to spend a lot of our weekends here.”

“Oh? That must have been nice….” You walked into a storage room, of sorts. A mini-fridge stood in the corner and Jisung pulled it open, grabbing the ice box as he looked back at you, “Yeah. Kairi got so sick of having us over, she ended up turning her study into another guest room.”

“Of course she did.” You laughed, “Do you still come here often?”

He shook his head, reaching for more ice, “After Chan and Kairi broke up, we obviously stopped for a while, but… I’m hoping to get back to normal. Couldn’t be more thrilled that they’re back together.”

“Me too. They seem pretty…perfect for each other.” You smiled. He stood up straight, his ribbed top riding up, and you looked away. All of them were so attractive it was hard to comprehend such a pretty friend group existed. He grinned at you, “I should thank you for that.”

“Me? I… didn’t do anything” 

“Do you mind holding this?” He handed you the ice box momentarily, “Well, Hyunjin told me that you helped them meet up at her birthday.”

“Oh. Right.” You nodded, gripping it within your hands and it was freezing, condensation making it slip in your palms, “I…guess I did.” You had the urge to ask him what else he talked about with him, but this was your first time meeting Jisung, and that would be weird to ask. “Sure sounded like a fun party. Hyunjin told me you organise those a lot.” Jisung continued, taking back the ice box from you, “And tell me about it downstairs. I would love to talk to you in this storage room all night, but… let’s get this ice to them before all of it melts, and before Changbin threatens to kill me again.”

Back in the living room, the music seemed louder when you returned, and Hyunjin was engaged in an intense conversation with Sunmi and Changbin. Kairi was showing Chan something on her phone. You settled on a seat, and Jisung naturally pulled up a chair to be closer to you. He clinked his drink with yours, before he took a big mouthful, cheeks full of the liquid before swallowing. “So…what was I saying?” Jisung asked, dropping his voice so only you could hear him. You took a sip of your water, already feeling more at ease around him, “About how I’m a really great party planner.”

He smiled, “Right. That. Have you ever thought of doing that professionally?”

You laughed, “Honestly, I don’t know what Hyunjin was talking about. I’ve only organised two parties in my life…my best friend's and Kairi’s…they both ended in a disaster.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, I’m sure.” Jisung rolled his eyes, “So… he also happened to mention you’re real good at art. Can I see some of it or are you going to be shrouded in mystery forever?”

You giggled, reaching for your phone, “There is absolutely nothing mysterious about that, Jisung. You can see it, but… it’s not the best.”

He peeked into your phone gallery as you showed him a few paintings you’d made over the past few years, and Jisung probably wasn’t interested in art, but he still smiled, reacting overtly to each of them and even pointing out which ones he liked. He reminded you a lot of Yeonjun in that sense, where he took interest in something just because of his friends. He was playful, and it was nice to see the physical manifestation of all the stories Hyunjin told you about. You glanced up and Hyunjin was looking at you, probably curious about why you and Jisung were peeking into your phone, so you explained, “I was just showing him some of my paintings.”

He nodded, making brief eye contact with Jisung before he said, “Ah. I’m uh…going to check on the dessert.”

“Do you want my help?” You asked, already moving to stand up. He shook his head, “No, don’t worry. I wouldn’t wanna pull you away from the conversation.”

Disappointed, you settled back down, and Jisung spoke, “Can I ask you something, honestly though?”

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you leave your fancy wedding date to come here?”

“I…promised Kairi I’d try to make it here.” You replied, staring at the liquid in your glass. Jisung hummed, “Right, right. I see.” You were glad he didn’t push you further, seeing as how he was Hyunjin’s best friend and any answer you could come up with would be embarrassing. Before you could say anything further anyway, Changbin started talking about an incident on their trip to Japan, and you let yourself be swept up into the conversation. He was a great storyteller, and so charismatic. It wasn’t too hard to imagine why they were so famous. You’d only been here an hour or so, and you could listen to them talk for hours. Almost mesmerised by their dynamic, you watched the boys talk, losing track of time… and of how long Hyunjin had been gone. Your mug lay empty on the coffee table, and you stood up to refill it, when Changbin asked, “Where the fuck is Jinnie?”

“Probably hyper-fixating in the kitchen. Y/N, do you think you could call him out?” Jisung replied, looking at you expectantly. You blanked, feeling taken aback by the question. Kairi noticed, moving to stand, “Um, I can get—”

“No, that’s fine.” You spoke. You were braver than that and it would finally give you the chance to talk to him by yourself, “I can just get him.”

“Okay…” She settled back down, shooting you a comforting smile. You walked over to the kitchen, and your heels were so loud on the tiled floor that he’d definitely hear you coming. The door was closed, and you knocked lightly, not wanting to interrupt him. 

“Come in.” His voice carried to you. You pushed the door open, eyes falling on him. He was leaning against the counter, drinking from his glass, staring into nothing. Well. He was staring at the oven, but why was he alone in here? He looked over his shoulder, eyes flickering over your form, “Oh. Hey.”

You stood awkwardly by the door, hand holding it open, “Hi. Um. The guys were…asking for you. I thought you were getting dessert.” He looked around, at the mess of things, “I was. It’s still not ready, so I decided to wait for it. You can let them know I’ll be there soon.”

“Oh.” You spoke, wondering if you should leave… but you were curious, “You’ve been in here by yourself for really long.”

“Yeah. Just wanted to be by myself for a bit.”

A tinge of hurt hit you, “Oh…do you want me to leave?”

He let out a sigh, putting his glass on the counter, and turned to face you, “No…you don’t have to do that.”

“But…you just said you want to be by yourself.”

“Yeah.” He glanced at you, amused look on his face, “That…obviously doesn’t include you.”

You’d been standing on the threshold the entire time, but at those words, you stepped in, letting the door shut behind you. You looked around the little kitchen, “Sorry I used your mug.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair, “That’s fine. I’m surprised you ended up picking mine. Guess we like the same things.”

“You could say that.” You breathed, hands behind your back. His gaze felt so strong on you, and it was so quiet in here compared to the chaos of the outside. He smiled lightly, when you asked him, “So…what dessert are we having tonight?” 

He glanced at the oven, “A…strawberry tart. You like those?”

You thought about it, “I don’t know. I haven’t had one since I was a kid anyway.”

Hyunjin put his hands on the counter, tilting his head, “Really? Felix never baked one for you?”

“He was kind of obsessed with chocolate…I had too much of that.” You recalled. Hyunjin smiled, nodding, “Right. I remember trying out the treats he made us…when we went to the Creek for the swim.”

“Wow…that feels like it was ages ago.” You remembered. Hyunjin nodded, “It was. I guess. Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“Do you miss it?” You ended up asking. His expression softened, “I…do. Your friends were fun to hang out with.”

“Aren’t they your friends too?” You laughed. He shrugged cutely, “Right, but I don’t think I would’ve talked to anybody in town if it wasn’t for you.”

You smiled, “I think you’re giving me too much credit. That was all Hana. She’s the one who…introduced you to us.”

“You miss them? Your friends?” He asked. You sighed, leaning against the door, crossing your arms to keep warm as you thought about it, “Yeah. Recently I’ve missing home so much and my friends, well at this point they’re…like my family. It sucks being separated from them. Kind of like…how you felt when you were away from the boys.”

“I’m sorry if I forced you to stay.” He suddenly said, “I realize that…it may have been my emotionally clouded judgment, and I feel like… I guilted you into staying here. Maybe it was selfish of me.”

Your eyes narrowed, a realisation sinking in as to why he seemed a little distant, “Is that why you’re in here by yourself?”

He nodded, “Yeah. Just needed to take my mind off things. I guess honestly, I just…miss spending time with you, like we did back home. The other night, I was learning a new routine and realised you’ve never even seen me dance. Not in person, at least. I mean, isn’t that crazy? We’ve known each other so long, but there’s so much of me you don’t know. The thought freaked me out, and then…”

“And then?”

“Then I started thinking that it goes the other way too. There’s so much of you I still haven’t seen.” He said, “Like the other day, when you wore the jacket, I realised…I only know you in the summer. I haven’t seen you in winter."

Your heart squeezed at his confusing but thoughtful words, and you smiled, “I’m the same in all the seasons, Hyunjin.”

He was looking at you from across the room, “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Did you know I was coming here tonight?” 

He shook his head, “I didn’t think you would. Kairi told me you had a wedding date with Jeonghan…”

“Yeah, I did. He understands though…this was just as important.”

He nodded, “Right.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I would love to see you dance…if you feel comfortable.”

He looked at you at that, smiling slightly, before a short embarrassed laugh, “Yeah."

The oven let out a ding, interrupting whatever you might say. He smiled wide, and his demeanour already seemed lighter, “It’s done. Do you wanna do the honor?”

“Oh. Sure”. You stepped over to him,, and he pulled open the oven door. He was standing so close now that you could see the perspiration slide down his jaw, droplets cascading down neck, and he must have been nervous this whole time. You bent down to see into the oven, and it smelled amazing, but before you could grab the handle of the hot pan, you felt a firm grip on your arm stopping you, “Wait—”. 

Startled, you looked up at Hyunjin, his hand circling your wrist tightly, “What?”

His eyes searched yours, “It’s burning hot. Y/N. You’ll hurt yourself.”

You then realised you weren’t wearing any mitts, and you were just gonna grab the baking dish like so, with bare hands. How stupid. Your hair fell into your eyes, making it harder to see Hyunjin, but you mumbled a pathetic, “Oh.”

He reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear, then let out a chuckle, voice soft, “What were you thinking?” 

You swallowed, staring at his lips, “I wasn’t.”

He smiled, standing up tall, “I got this.”

Your face felt hot, and you were only a little mortified. Carefully, Hyunjin placed the baking dish on the kitchen counter, taking off his oven mitts; they were red and matched your dress. He nudged you, elbow against yours, “You wanna be the first one to try it? I’ll let you have an extra piece and if you end up liking it and want the whole thing, I can just tell the others I burnt the dish.”

You laughed, looking up at him, “You’d lie to your friends so I could have more pastry?”

A knock on the door pulled your attention to Chan. He peeked in, “Hey guys. Sorry, I don’t want to interrupt…but Hanbin’s leaving, so he wanted to say goodbye.”

“Oh. Of course” Hyunjin said, and you followed them out into the foyer, where Hanbin and Sumni stood in their winter coats already and everybody was gathered around them. Kairi was hugging them, when Hyunjin spoke, “You’re not staying for dessert? Come onn.”

Hanbin smiled apologetically, “Dude, it’s gonna snow again, and the traffic’s terrible. If we don’t leave now, we won’t make it home until morning.”

“Oh, you should still take some of the strawberry tart some with you” Kairi said, running back into the kitchen, “I have a few takeout containers.”

You looked at Sunmi, “You said traffic’s going to be bad?” She nodded, “Yeah, Seoul basically shuts down in bad weather. We don’t wanna risk it. It’ll only get worse, but …it was really nice meeting you tonight, Y/N.”

You glanced at Chan, realising they were probably right, and your stomach sank, “Oh. I guess I should probably get going too then.”

“What?” Jisung complained loudly, “You just got here.”

“We can drop you off.” Hanbin suggested, “Our car’s parked out front.”

Jisung let out a dramatic sigh. You didn’t really want to leave, you were just getting to warm up to Hyunjin, but you didn’t have a choice. If you didn’t leave, you could be stuck until tomorrow. You reached for your coat, “That sounds good Hanbin, as long as it’s not an inconvenience.”

Kairi walked back in with takeout boxes in hand, and her eyes narrowed, “What’s going on? Y/N’s leaving too?”

You slipped your coat on, tossing your hair out of it, “They said they could take me home. The snow’s piling up....” Kairi shook her head, “Nope. You’re not leaving.”

You laughed, stepping closer to grab her hand, “What do you mean? I don't want to leave but I I don’t exactly have a choice.”

She squeezed your hands, “Babe, you just got a few hours ago. Stay a while, and if things are still bad when you want to leave, you can just sleep in my guest bedroom. I mean, that’s what it’s for.”

You considered it, and then Changbin spoke, “See? You have no excuses. So if you still decide to leave now, that just means you hate us.”

You laughed, “Okay, I guess I can stay a little.”

Kairi squealed, pulling you into a hug. Your heart warmed at the idea that they all wanted to spend more time with you. It was only the first time you were meeting most of them, but they still reacted like that. It made you feel wanted. You’d only been craving that all this while. From the corner of your eye, you caught Hyunijn’s reaction. He wasn’t dramatically expressive, unlike Changbin or Jisung, who wore their emotions on their sleeve. Hyunjin was watching this exchange quietly from the corner, arms across his chest, leaning against a pillar. He seemed calm, like he was okay with whatever you ended up doing, but he was gazing at you so intently it made you want to stay just so he’d look at you like that the rest of the night.

»»————-

In a matter of an hour, the strawberry tart had been cut up and shared, and remnants lay on porcelain plates decorating the coffee table. Kairi had beautiful crockery. She had a beautiful home. She had beautiful friends. Changbin was funnier than you expected — Hyunjin had never talked about his humour before, and you were glad you were discovering it on your own now. He was also touchy, he’d find excuses to touch Hyunjin and Jisung every now and then, a giggle on his face when they unwittingly pushed him away. You’d only been here a few hours, but watching their dynamic unfolding was wonderful.

After Hanbin and Seonmi had left, you’d moved over to the couch, which was much more comfortable than your earlier seat, and Hyunjin had surprisingly stayed where he was…which happened to be right next to you. He was manspreading, leaning against the couch arm, a drink in his hand. The music playing was much softer now, so it was easier to have the conversations and listen to them, and Jisung was playing the piano again quietly. Kairi animatedly explained something to him, and Chan was just listening with a smile on his face, while he stroked her back. They were so cute it made you want to die. You snuck glances at Hyunjin to your right, every now and then. He was still calm as ever, but his cheeks were red from all the drinking. His hair was messier too, and it made him look hotter than you could ever imagine. It was hard to look him in the eye, when he looked this good, so you focused on everything else. You were so engaged in another one of Changbin’s crazy stories, you didn’t realize when you reached to pull your dress down, you accidentally put your hand on Hyunjin’s thigh.

You don’t know what you were thinking. You’d severely miscalculated the distance between you. It was only for a second, but he noticed. Of course he fucking noticed. Instantly, he tensed up, pausing in the middle of his sip. You wondered if he’d push it away. If he’d tell you to stop, or ask what you were doing. Instead, he lift the drink to his mouth like nothing happened. You pulled your hand back before anybody else noticed. It was only an accident after all.

Changbin’s attention was all on you; he’d been telling you about his favorite records and artists in the music industry. He was enjoying the strawberry tart Hyunjin baked, leaving crumbs behind, and paused to ask you, “So now that you’ve been here a while, what’s your favorite place in the city?” You tilt your head, mulling over it, “I’ll have to think about that…I haven’t seen all of it yet.”

“Nobody’s seen all of it, Y/N” Jisung rolled his eyes, punctuating it with a laugh, “Even though some of us have been here our whole lives.”

That was hard for you to comprehend. You knew every inch of Daejon, every rock, every tree, each house. You’d eaten at every restaurant, shopped in every boutique, and knew everybody. “This might be a stupid question but do you never feel like exploring more of it?” You asked. Changbin shrugged, “It’s not really possible. Nobody has the time or the energy, or the money.”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin spoke, surprising you. You glanced at him, and he paused from drinking to address you, “I feel that…people here get stuck in their little convenient routines and never feel a want for more.”

Your eyes searched his, “What do you mean?”

He swirled the drink in his glass, “So many people here…get so comfortable. Not that there’s anything wrong with comfort, but when you live in a city like this…I don’t understand. They only go to the same coffee shop for fifty years, the same restaurants, not really trying anything new.”

“I hate that.” You spoke up, before he’d even finished speaking. You hated the idea of that, of an endless routine, and an unchanging life. It was one of the few things in life you were sure about. Hyunjin was looking at you and only you, as he spoke, “I know. So many people here…build their life around a few places, and those places become their life. Even though the city is so much bigger than that, and I guess I hate…the idea of settling for whatever there is.” 

Changbin cleared his throat, “Well. I think I’m too drunk for this conversation.”

A tissue box lay on the end table next to Hyunjin. Turning back to the room, you asked, “Is it okay if I have the last piece of the pastry?” It was a unanimous yes, and when you bit into the tart, little crumbs fell to your thighs, and between your thighs. It was a mess so naturally, you said, “Sorry, could you pass me that, Hyunjin?”

He looked around, noticing the only thing next to him, the box of tissues. He nodded, “Yeah, of course” and reached in for a few, passing them to you. You took them from him, fingers brushing against his. Your stomach flipped at the sensation. His hand was so warm, and your fingers lingered on his a while longer — as long as you could without making it weird. Then, you simply wiped away the crumbs from your thighs, drawing Hyunjin’s brief attention to them. After all, you’d only been this messy with the pastry so you’d have an excuse to talk to him.

You wonder if he picked up on that. You hadn't been too subtle about it, being as messy as you could possibly be just so he'd have an excuse to give you the tissues. Hyunjin was so close to you, after being so out of reach. Being in the same room as him wasn’t enough, sitting on the same couch as him wasn’t enough. You wanted to touch him, be on him, and for him to be on you. You did feel kind of insane, but this was so much more than how crushes or boyfriends had ever made you feel. The desire you felt...you never even knew that was humanely possible. You were so lost in him, and his warm body sitting next to yours that you wouldn’t notice even if the room around you disappeared completely. Still, you owed something to the rest so you asked, “Um, what about you Changbin? What’s your favorite place?” 

He lift his glass up, a wide grin on his face, “That’s easy. The recording studio.” Chan laughed, picking up on your conversation, “I second that answer.”

They really loved what they did. You wonder why your favorite place wasn’t automatically the painting studio. Shouldn’t it be that, seeing as to how that was your biggest purpose in life? But ever since the past few weeks, you dreaded returning to a studio. The thought made your stomach sink. If you weren’t an artist, what even were you? It sent you into a spiral, and you were dissociating from this party, just thinking about it.

“You okay?”

You could drown in the softness of that voice. A gentle touch to your shoulder, and you looked at Hyunjin as he lowered his voice, asking again, “You feel fine?”

You nodded, gripping your dress tightly, “Yeah, I was just…thinking about something.”

“Good, or bad?” He whispered, not wanting to interrupt all of the conversations in the room. You stared at him, “I don’t know. Bad.”

“Do you want to step out of here?” He asked. He was so attentive. Maybe he could be the solution for your predicament too. You shook your head, “I want to ask you something but it’s kind of…random.”

“I’m listening.” He spoke, an amused smile on his features. You swallowed, fiddling with the glass in your lap, and it was easy to filter out every noise in the room when he was next to you, “We always talked about painting together. Would you still be up for something like that? Or…are you too busy with your schedule?”

“If that’s something you want to do, we can do it together.” He replied, “I have a personal studio…you could come to my place, or…I could come to yours.”

“Maybe I should come to yours. I…wanna see your room too.” You spoke. He cracked a smile, “We can make that happen.”

In the midst of all this, you shifted, absentmindedly inching closer to Hyunjin on the couch, until your leg was completely touching his. You felt like a school girl finding excuses to touch her crush, and even just this little touch sent fireworks in your belly. He didn’t move away this time either, and that was a triumph in your book. He just sent you a comforting smile. Of course, the bubble popped, and Jisung said something, pulling your attention back to him, “You should really visit our recording studio, Y/N. I think you’d appreciate the…precision and organisation of everything.” 

“How do you know that’s something I like?” You laughed. He shrugged, “I’ve only known you for a few hours, but you definitely give off that vibe.”

“Well, that’s pretty accurate, I’d say,” Kairi laughed, then looked to you, “I think you’d appreciate the way Chan organized my record collection.”

“You have a record collection?” You were surprised. She rolled her eyes, “Of course I do. I’m pretentious like that.”

“I can show you. They’re right by the TV.” Chan proposed, standing up. You didn’t want to leave Hyunjin’s side and warmth, but you didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity, so you stood up, “I’d love that.” It was in the same room, so at least you wouldn’t be too far from Hyunjin, and Chan began showing you the TV cabinet and how he’d arranged all the records in order of release and by band. He was giggling, explaining something, and you told him how much this reminded you of Yeonjun - he also had a similar collection of DVDs. Chan’s eyes lit up at that. He was surprised that people still bought DVDs, and you mentioned that he should meet Yeonjun. It was a crazy thing to suggest, but you didn’t think too much of it. Your two worlds colliding. You think they’d like each other. Thinking of it, Chan would probably like Felix, too. As he sifted through the records, you glanced back over to the couch where Hyunjin and Jisung were having an animated conversation. He seemed so happy, laughing loudly, eyes crinkling. You’d missed seeing him like that. You’d been getting used to meeting the tense version of him, and this was a welcome change. Around the people he loved, he seemed like the truest version of himself.

You wanted to catch a subtle glance at him for another split-second. But you caught so much more. He was staring at you. He was speaking to someone but his gaze kept flickering back to you, and he wasn’t even subtle about it. At least you had tried to not be so obvious, but he was blatantly checking you out. His gaze would flicker from his friends, to you, to your dress, to your legs. It made you feel dizzy, and you tried to not react.

You couldn’t still be upset at him for what happened all those weeks ago. He’d apologized, and he already said it was the hardest thing he had done. He had more than made up for it, hadn’t he? He had convinced you to stay. You’d tried so hard to move on, to force feelings for others, you’d kissed another boy, but it was impossible. Ever since he left Daejon…you’d tried to not think about him, but he was everywhere and in everything you saw. In your good moments, and in your bad. Even after he broke your heart, he was all around you.

Chan started telling you about his favorite records, and you got lost in the conversation until Kairi called him back, whining cutely from the empty armchair. So with a few top-tier record recommendations by Chan, you made your way back to the couch, and Hyunjin was still laughing over a silly joke. He shifted so you could sit, and as soon as you did, he asked you, “Find anything you liked?”

“Quite a few. I’m excited to hear them.”

And just like that, with a small smile and a nod, Hyunjin’s hand moved to your bare thigh. Your dress had ridden up as soon as you’d sat back down, and he had jumped at the opportunity with no hesitation. Your heart raced at the realisation. Anybody could see this, but he didn’t seem to care. He inched upwards, settling comfortably on your upper thigh, right where the hem of your dress ended. It sent a wave of arousal though you. Jisung began speaking again. Trying to be nonchalant was hard, when your heart was jumping up and down at this little development. A part of you was so happy he’d forgotten any and all unsaid boundaries that he had set himself months ago. Things had changed with him, and you wanted to dig into his brain to find out what led to this behaviour. What happened to not wanting you, to not taking risks, to not wanting a relationship or love? 

The others didn’t seem to care that Hyunjin was touching you so openly, or that he’d completely checked out of the conversation. He was too preoccupied with touching you. His thumb drew circles on your bare skin, and it was comforting, it wasn’t meant to be sexual, but how could it also not be? You’d been starved for this, so you couldn’t help the sensations through you at his simple touch. Chan spoke to you again, “You should really come to the building. We can show you around. Eunwoo would probably be okay with it.”

You guessed that Eunwoo was their manager’s name, and you supposed that Chan was directing that to Hyunjin, but Hyunjin had completely stopped participating in this discussion, forgetting that he held a purpose to this gathering other than touching you like this. But no purpose could be greater than that, could it? 

Each circle he traced sent a shiver down your spine, strokes of lightning down your thigh, between your legs. Jisung started talking about something else, and you couldn’t keep track. You were lightheaded. You were dying. Each second that Hyunjin’s thumb brushed against your thigh, you screamed a bit inside. He was so nonchalant with it, holding your leg at a party like you were his. You were his. Despite everything. His metallic rings were cold on your skin, and Hyunjin's hands slipped between your thighs. All of his friends were here, but nobody was looking at that. Hyunjin was talking to Chan, smiling occasionally, and groping your thigh at the same time. You wish he'd never stop. It was so fucking hot. Your head was spinning, and your heart felt like it might collapse from beating too fast. It couldn’t be normal for it to pound so loudly in your chest. Could everyone in this room hear you? Could they hear the insanity within you for him? Why couldn’t he should just drop this charade, take you away and fuck you right now?

A drink. You needed a drink. You interrupted the conversation, perhaps speaking far too loudly, “Han, could you please pass me the bottle of wine?”

Han nodded, reaching over with the bottle clumsily, and it was fine until it wasn’t. He was too drunk and preoccupied as he handed it to you. The wine spilled over, landing right on your lap and soaking your dress. “Fuck!” Jisung exclaimed, standing up, “I’m so sorry!”

Hyunjin pulled his hand back from your thigh, at the sudden sensation. It was like a cold shower, snapping you out of your daze. The liquid ruined your dress, and it was an expensive one, but it wasn’t Jisung’s fault. You wouldn’t blame him when it was entirely your fault. You didn’t want to disrupt the party, so you quickly stood up, “Don’t worry about it.” You glanced at Kairi, who’d vaguely registered that this had happened, “Could I use your bathroom?”

“Of course. Do you need me to bring you a change of clothes?”

“No, it should be fine. Excuse me…” You made your way out of the living room. You went up the stairwell, the music fading in the background. Your heels were muffled on the carpeted staircase, and your legs felt shaky. Jisung had informed you the bathroom was to the right. You stepped in, catching a glimpse of yourself in the reflection. Your hair was messier than it should be, but it was still fine. You hadn’t drank anything in the past few hours, but you definitely felt drunk. Opening the faucet, you splashed droplets of water onto your dress. The wine had completely spread out, staining the skirt, and your only respite was that it was red wine on a red dress. You braced yourself against the countertop, letting out a sigh, wondering if this had been a stupid idea.

A soft knock pulled you out of your despair.

“Come in.” You unlocked the door to Hyunjin standing there. He was leaning against the doorway, hands tucked in his pockets, “Hey…you okay?” His concerned gaze fell to your dress, “What’s the verdict? Will the dress survive?”

“You tell me.” You laughed, lifting it up to show him the wine stain. He grimaced, “Shit. You need help?” You didn’t. After all, what could he do that you couldn’t? But you nodded, “Yeah”

He stepped in. The bathroom was tiny. It was cute, with a marble countertop and Kairi clearly had a flair for decoration. Hyunjin pushed his sleeves up, wetting his hands in the sink and grabbed the hem of your dress, fingers rubbing at the stain. He was bent over, eyebrows furrowed and concentrated. He must be trying a new cologne. His scent was so strong, infiltrating your brain, your body, your being. It was sexy, and it was so him. It didn’t help how dizzy you felt.

“I don’t think it's going to come out.” You said truthfully, so he wouldn’t engage in a losing battle. He seemed determined though, “I’m sorry. Jisung can be…such a klutz sometimes.”

“It wasn’t his fault.” You said, as Hyunjin suggested, “There must be something in the cabinet that would help, like a wine stain remover or something.”

“I doubt it.” You laughed, leaning against the counter and Hyunjin dejectedly let go of your skirt. He was frowning, a stupid pout on his pretty face, “It’s a shame… That’s a beautiful dress.”

You smiled, accepting this loss and crossed your arms, “Don’t worry too much. It’s only temporary. I’m sure it can be fixed.”

“Maybe I can step into Kairi’s closet, and grab you another dress?” He suggested. You shook your head before he could finish, “You don’t need to do that for me.”

Yet he was about to leave, determined to get you out of this sticky situation. A surge of panic rose through you. You grabbed the front of his sweater, pulling him back in, “Wait, Hyunjin.”

He stumbled back to you, confused, “Yeah?”

Your voice fell to a lower tone, a little embarrassed at your urgency, “Don’t go just yet.”

His eyes met yours, an intense look in them, “Why?”

Your eyes closed, and you were still gripping onto his sweater, “My head is spinning.”

“You drank too much?” He realised. You opened your eyes to look at him, and he was much closer than you’d anticipated, “I guess I was trying to deal with being in the same room as you.” You joked, with a dry chuckle. He seemed amused, “You really can’t stand me that much?”

You bit your lip, glancing up at him, wondering if he missed all the obvious signs tonight, “You know that’s not true.”

“And I know that your head’s not really spinning.” He said without pause. You frowned, straightening up, “How could you possibly know that?”

His lips curled up, and he could probably hear your pounding heart, “You didn’t even have a single sip tonight. I was looking at you the entire night.”

So he noticed that all you drank was water tonight, but you had to keep up appearances, “You’re accusing me of lying?”

“Maybe you’re just trying to keep me in here with you.”

Your voice dropped, “Why would I do that, Hyunjin?”

His eyes crinkled, an amused expression on his face which was so cocky that it pissed you off and turned you on at the same time. He said, “I don’t claim to know your secret agenda.”

“I don’t have an agenda.”

He shrugged, a smile playing at his lips, “Spilling wine on yourself on purpose sure makes it seem like you have one.”

“What are you talking about?” You gasped, laughing in disbelief at his accusation, “Why would I do something so stupid?”

“Because you knew I’d follow you.” He gripped the marble counter behind you, caging you between his arms. You lost your words, heat rising to your cheeks, and suddenly reality was settling in. He was closer to you every second, and you could see every detail on his face - you could see yourself in his eyes, and his lips were so close to to being on yours. The situation seemed all too familiar, and you had to think straight. You couldn’t let yourself be driven by lust again, you couldn’t just be conveniently kissing him, no matter how much you wanted it, without knowing what it meant to him. You mumbled, hands reaching up to his chest, like a physical barrier between your bodies, and it took you strength to do and say so, “Hyunjin…you can’t kiss me if you’re just going to leave again.”

His voice was soft, “I think for me to leave you tonight, someone would have to kill me."

Something in you shifted, and your body was buzzing and tingly all over. He never had trouble leaving you before so you couldn't understand, “What... changed?”

He paused, as if finding the right words, “Even when you were gone…you were everywhere.”

His gaze fixated on yours, like he could see right through you, into your soul, and maybe he could this entire time. Maybe that’s why everything he spoke was thoughts you’d kept hidden, and every touch felt like coming home. When he was gone, he was everywhere too. If you ever needed more of a sign...then this was it. There were so much you could say to him in that moment, but you just settled for saying, “You were right.” 

He was incapable of looking in your eyes, gaze fixated on your lips, “About what—?” And in the same second, you pulled him to you, unable to keep any of this charade up longer, fists knotted in his shirt, crushing his lips to yours. 

A surprised noise left his mouth at your urgency but Hyunjin was a lover before he was anything else and so he recovered within seconds, grabbing your face to kiss you back. His grip was tight, and desperate, and you pushed him until he was against the door. His lips tasted of a strange combination of red wine and of strawberry tart, and he pressed his mouth to yours so hard it could bruise, one hand around your neck, the other gripping your jaw, and it wasn't enough. He only pulled back to breathe, and let out a breathless chuckle, “I was right about what?”

“I did drop the wine on purpose.” You admitted, wondering his reaction, but he just immediately grabbed you again, crushing your mouths together again. It was stupid but you just needed to be alone with him, and it was the only way you could think of. He laughed in between the kiss, “That’s so stupid.” He pressed you to the counter, hands tight on your waist, knocking over whatever Kairi had so perfectly curated on the countertop. Your head spun with desire, and he pushed his tongue into your mouth, tasting you. He accommodated you so easily, tilting his head to kiss you better, falling back into this rhythm like it was natural to your body. You let go of his shirt, leaving it crinkled, so you could tug at his hair. His hands were everywhere. Around your neck, in your hair, at your waist. He groaned, pulling away for a second to mumble, “I missed you so much. You could have just asked me... And I thought I did stupid things to get your attention.”

“I missed you too.” You breathed, hands resting at the nape of his neck, sifting through his hair as you looked up at him, doe eyes, and since he wanted you to ask him, you would, “Please kiss me again.”

He didn’t hesitate, pressing his lips to yours and grinning into the kiss. Your hands dropped to the waistband of his jeans, and you tugged at them, trying to unbutton it. He must have sensed your urgency, a whine mixed in between your pecks, so he grabbed your thighs, lifting you onto the marble countertop. He didn’t stop kissing you for a second, fingers skimming your skin, sending a rush through your body, and his tongue slipped into your mouth again, and you wish you could swallow each other whole.

You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer, so reminiscent of the first time you’d kissed him. It had been on a night like tonight, and the longing had built up so much it was pouring out of you. All of this pining certainly couldn’t be good for the two of you by the roughness of your touches, like you were both afraid to be pulled away from each other. You tugged at his sweater, pushing it up to his chest, so you could touch his skin. Your hands were cold, and he shivered at the touch, but he didn’t stop you, kissing your jaw at the same time you felt him up. Your head tilted to the ceiling as he trailed kisses down your neck, you let your hands explore his body, feeling the muscles in his abdomen and tightening your hold on him. He was so compliant. He was so desperate. You felt him undo your bow, unzipping the dress. A fire burned within you, and his name was a familiar moan on your lips, “Hyun…”

“Yes, baby?” His voice was hoarse, and his mouth and his face was covered in your red lipstick. It was the hottest thing you’d ever seen. A giggle escaped you, and you brushed your thumb against his lips, “You have some of me on you.”

He shook his head, unbothered, leaning in to kiss you again, “I have all of you in me.”

It meant something deeper than red lipstick. It meant so much that you could probably wonder about it for days, but you just grabbed his face in your hands, cupping his soft cheeks. All of him was in you too. He was a part of who you were, and you couldn’t recall a time before Hyunjin in your life. He kissed your cheek, trailing kisses down your neck. It was hard to think straight when his mouth was sucking on you, and the bulge in his pants was pressing against you. You're sure Kairi kept a condom in here somewhere. You would let him fuck you. Right here. Right now. But a familiar worry festered within you, and it was physically impossible to pull back from the kiss as you whispered, “Wait.. you’re sure about doing this?”

He opened his eyes to look at you, and he looked so lovesick, eyes-half lidded, breathing heavy, hair messy and your spit and lipstick coating his lips, “About what?”

You touched his face, tracing your fingers over his cheeks and his pretty mouth, tracing it all to memory again after it had been ripped away from you for all this time. Perhaps you were ruining the passion of the moment, but you couldn’t let yourself go through that heartbreak again, “I don't want you to regret this. You said you didn’t want to start something that could put you…or the band at risk. So are you sure about…what we’re doing?”

It seemed to be Hyunjin’s biggest fear — a relationship, falling in love, somebody finding out about you. His company. His managers. His fans. The press. The rest of the world. 

“I was sure the minute I asked you to stay, Y/N.” He whispered, kissing you again, “You’re…everything to me.”

The confession seemed drastic from the Hyunjin who had pushed you away countless times, from the Hyunjin who kissed you only to tell you he could never want a relationship. Yet you still didn’t know what he actually wanted. Would he wake up and regret this? He kissed the corner of your mouth, like he couldn’t get enough of you, squeezing you in his grip, and said, “I’ve been doomed for you ever since I saw you. Nothing changed. I just…decided to stop fighting it.”

His words implied a sense of… inevitability and fate. You were doomed for him too. No matter what pulled you apart, something pushed you together always. It felt like an endless cycle…a trajectory you two were on that neither of you could control. Your eyes widened, and you'd never been this happy, “You’re…not just saying this because you’re drunk?”

He smiled at your words, cupping your face, “I’m not drunk, Y/N. If you really want to know what changed…the past month, I’ve just been feeling so fucking stupid. Seeing you with somebody else. I think I wanted to die when I saw you kiss Nate…and not being able to talk to you about everything, god, for the past few months, I couldn’t get you out of my head and I would have so much to say and no one to say it to…and then on the other hand, I see Chan the happiest he’s ever been, and I feel…so fucking stupid.”

His eyes seemed so sincere, so genuine and you whispered, “So…what are we doing to do now?”

“I guess... now we have to go back downstairs, because our friends are waiting for us…and you’re still soaked in wine.” His thumb brushed against your lower lip, and he pulled you closer, like he didn't want to let you go.

“Right…” You trailed off, tightening your grip on him, “That’s probably what we should do.”

“Yeah. That’s the right thing to do.” He mumbled, but he was already eating up his own words, swallowing your breath, and pressing you to the mirror. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer in a starved, hungry kiss and it didn’t feel humanely possible to be closer than this. He let out a moan, pressing kisses to your lips, “Fuck, I missed you so fucking much.”

You nodded, matching his every frenzied kiss, “Me too. I want you so bad.”

This rush. It seemed to always consume you, and Hyunjin squeezed your tits through your dress, pushing the skirt up and you were both losing control again. He pulled back, restraining himself, “I…we shouldn’t do this here.”

He said that, but he still kept kissing you, and this was a vicious cycle you would always find yourself in. You had wanted him for so long that you didn’t care where you were, but surely…this wasn’t the place. Your first time being that intimate with him shouldn’t be on top of a marble bathroom countertop, with so much opportunity to be interrupted by your friends. You’d just be setting yourself up for failure if you continued. You pulled back from the kiss too, “I think somebody needs to physically separate us for that to work.”

He laughed, and his voice was hoarse from all the kissing, and his lips were swollen. You were capable of waiting a while, instead of jumping each others bones right now. You were both adults, and you could restrain yourself. It was hard to take him seriously with imprints of your lipstick on his mouth. It made him look romantic. It made him look like yours. You wish you covered all of him in it, lip prints over his whole body, leaving no spot un-kissed. You’d missed him so much, it just felt dumb to stop now, but you did. He breathed in, calming himself, “You’re right. We…don’t have to rush.”

“Yeah.” You nodded, “I want to rush though.”

He laughed, fingers caressing your jaw so softly, “I just…I have to ask you something, before we go back downstairs—”

“Yes?”

“I know that I’ve acted stupidly about this in the past, but when I told you all those things, when I said that it’s a risk, that’s still true, Y/N. It’s still dangerous. You don’t know how wild it can get, if…anybody finds out about you. People are just looking for an opportunity to hurt us, me, the other guys, and…if you’re around me, then that includes you too. I can’t let anything happen to you, or hurt you. I would never forgive myself.” Hearing him talk made you afraid again. This was where it had always ended. This would be the last thing Hyunjin would always say to you, after kissing you. It always ended here, like a dead-end to your perfect dream, and you dreaded his next words, heart pounding like you'd pass out. You expected it.

But instead he said, “I want you. So much. I know that now, that nothing can replace the feeling of you.”

Your eyes were wide, and this was already a different direction than it. had ever gone last time, “What are you saying, Hyunjin?”

“I’m saying that…if we…really do this, there’s going to be a lot of…discretion. It’s probably going to be difficult and frustrating as fuck, and we’re both going to have to be really careful. Is that… really okay with you?”

You understood what Hyunjin was asking you. If you and him were to be together, it could only be a thing of secrecy. 

It wouldn’t be a relationship you dreamed of. Nothing about it would be normal, or usual. It would only exist behind closed doors, and in storage closets, and in the privacy of your bedrooms. If you and him were to continue this…it would always have to stay a secret. 

It would be hard to restrain your love for him, but in all honesty… you had done nothing else since you were fifteen and saw him in the art shop. You had loved him since then, and you could love him in any circumstance, even if it was in secret. Going back to not having him in your life was impossible. You leaned in to kiss him, to remind yourself of how real this was, and how much he was worth to you. An excitement bloomed in your chest from what was to come as you whispered against his lips, “I guess it’s a good thing then that I’m good at keeping secrets.”

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :) 

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Written for @steddieangstyaugust day 4: angst with a happy ending.

Once upon a time, when the world almost ended and didn't, Eddie Munson used to think that surviving the near apocalypse would be the most difficult thing he'd ever have to do in his life. Surely being bitten to death, then resurrected by the big bad, then breaking away from his influence and helping save the world, that must have counted for something, right? He'd earn a happy end through all that suffering.

Well, no. Not really. That's what he learned the second the portal to the Upside Down closed. The lovely people of Hawkins still hated him, he and Wayne had nowhere to live because their trailer split open, and he barely escaped another group of government scientists very much interested in the whole "came back to life" thing.

It was only natural Eddie ran. Why wouldn't he? He brought Wayne only bad luck, even worse reputation, and a bunch of extra expenses. His friends from the Corroded Coffin? Tortured by Jason to find his location. The freshmen he dragged into Hellfire? Also targeted. Eddie's name was a target on the back on everyone he loved and he wouldn't stay long enough for it to put the others in danger. Not Wayne, Dustin…Steve. Steve who confused him as much as enticed him. But Hawkins wasn't the place to explore this forbidden space in Eddie's head.

Indy sounded like a good destination and so that's where he went. He wrote a bunch of goodbye letters, trying to explain, but mostly to ease the pain. I will be in touch once I settle in, he said in them. He was never a good liar, not even on paper.

The whole Upside Down affair had robbed him of everything. His baby, his guitar. His closest relationships. His only proper home. The future he saw with himself and the Corroded Coffin. But he still had his life, so that was something.

He made friends, but not really. How do you make a real connection with someone when you can't tell them anything about the most important event in your life? How do you explain staring at every girl with golden blond ponytail on the street, dreading the moment they turn around because it won't be her?

He would send letters to Wayne sometimes. They would be long, talking about this and that, he would sometimes call too. But he noticed that for how much he talked, the content was empty. He wondered if Wayne noticed too. He must have - his uncle was the most perceptive man he'd ever met. He sent a bunch of short messages to Dustin via Wayne, just to keep him from going all Sherlock Holmes on Eddie. He swore to visit them both one day. Just not today. Or tomorrow.

The only good thing about his life in Indy was the anonymity of a large city and with that, the possibility to explore who he really was. He saved as much as he could and bought a new guitar. It would never be like his first love, but he could get back to music and drive his roommates insane with how out of practice he was. He'd play here and there, become very slightly famous in the local queer community. Sometimes his performances would earn him a free drink, sometimes a kiss. Or if he was really good, company for the night.

Five years in, it was going fairly well, he thought. He wasn't completely broke, he could kiss who he wanted - boys, how long it took him to admit that!, his songs got more genuine. He even wrote a bunch about Hawkins, never naming the place or people, of course, but it helped him work through some stuff. And on some days, he didn't even think much about what and who he'd left behind.

Until that fateful evening when he was scheduled to perform in his frequented gay bar. He sat on his usual stool on the podium with his acoustic guitar, greeted the regulars, and said his usual spiel: "This one is about a very special boy. He wore a yellow sweater, saved my life a bunch of times. Was really badass too. I think he made me realize who I really am, even if he never knew how I feel about him."

He never gave the song a name. He considered "His vest over my bleeding heart", or maybe something like "Keep me like you kept the vest", something with sunflowers, nail bats, perfect hair. Everyone in the bar knew he hated naming his songs anyway, so he took a deep breath and got ready to play.

Only then did he notice a familiar shade of yellow near the bar. And a surprised, but still a smile.

Eddie didn't run that evening. He finished the set, thanked his supporters and fans, and then he found himself sitting next to Steve Harrington, the man from his songs and dreams.

"Everyone misses you like crazy. They still hope you'll stop by, but I get it. I just feel lucky as hell. I didn't think I'd see you again," said Steve and it sounded sad. Like he actually missed Eddie too.

"I didn't think I'd find you in a place like this," responded Eddie. He wanted it to sound more rough, defensive, but his heart betrayed him and it was more of a question. Of a plea.

Steve smiled at him again, and maybe it was Eddie's imagination, but did he shift closer to him? "You haven't seen me in a long time, Eddie. This is exactly the place you'd find me these days. And now…I don't even need to drag Robin with me as an excuse."

Oh. Okay. Eddie could work with that. Licking his lips, he prodded even more. "So…uh. I take it you still haven't found what you're looking for?"

Steve turned to him fully, reaching out for Eddie's hand, and Eddie realized that he might have been wrong. This might be his happy ending after all.

Especially when Steve's lips parted and he said: "I have now."

Eddie would visit Wayne. He'd call Dustin, catch up with Gareth and others. Because he no longer felt like a bad omen. The morning he woke up next to Steve Harrington, with a careful promise of much more than one night, with pancakes for breakfast and talking, so much real talking with no secrets and no lies, he decided that he was ready to stop running. For good this time.

[aishangotome]

[Darius Vogel] I Can't Return to a Time Before You Part 1

Crown, Her Majesty's direct assassination organization.

From the night I learned their forbidden secrets, I became a Fairytale Keeper for a limited engagement of one month.

About a week has passed since then, and I've gotten a little used to them and the darkness of England they live in --.

A cruel angel descended upon Crown Castle.

Darius: "Nice to meet you, dear members of the Crown."

Darius: I'm Darius Vogel, chief of 'Vogel,' an organization directly under the German Emperor.

Next to him were twin brothers, Nica Schwartz and Ring Schwartz, who came to stay at the palace with their chief, Darius.

Their identities and purpose are--...?

The opportunity to know a glimpse of it came soon.

In an unexpected way.

-

Darius: Thank you for accompanying me today, Fairytale Keeper.

Kate: Don't worry about it. I was just thinking of going into town for a change of pace.

When I casually replied, a sweet voice admonished me.

Darius: No, let's do that again. We're lovers today.

Darius: Did you forget about the "condition"?

(Oh, that's right...)

*earlier*

Last night, I was summoned by Victor and went to his room, where I found Victor himself and the Vogel members gathered.

Kate: A tour of the city, with me?

Darius: Ah, I would definitely like to ask you to do that.

Ring: I... don't really need a guide.

Nica: I'd like to ask you since we're here. If possible, I'd prefer it to be just the two of us, little Robin.

Darius: Just the two of us, huh? I like that idea. Let's go with that.

Nica: Huh?

While everyone except Darius blinked, only he narrowed his eyes as if his heart was dancing with exciting delusions.

Darius: But it's not very stylish to just follow the Fairytale Keeper around town in a group, like a bunch of country bumpkins.

Darius: I don't like that kind of thing.

Darius: So, I'd like you to choose one of us, Fairytale Keeper, and spend the day as their lover.

Victor: Darius, that's quite a funny joke, isn't it?

Darius: Is it difficult to write about in a report like that? Then I'll rephrase it.

Darius: The reason for requesting to be alone with each member of Vogel is to deepen your understanding of us by facing each of us individually.

Darius: No complaints about that, right?

(That reason would make it look good on the surface.)

But Victor seemed hesitant to answer.

To Crown, the Vogel members are important guests who have come for a goodwill visit.

And I am, after all, an exclusive Fairytale Keeper for Crown.

It's beyond the scope of my original job to entertain the Vogel members––but...

Victor: I'm afraid that would...put a strain on Kate, wouldn't it?

(I'm glad Victor is trying to protect me, but...)

Kate: It's all right. I'll be happy to show you around if you'd like.

(I don't want to cause friction between Crown and Vogel right away.)

(It's definitely better for both sides to build a good relationship from now on.)

Darius: Wow, you're so kind, Fairytale Keeper.

Darius: Including myself, we're all well-behaved. You don't have to worry about us biting you. Hehe, nice to meet you.

Kate: Nice to meet you too.

-

––So that's how I ended up walking around town with Darius.

(I completely forgot about the "as lovers" condition...)

Darius: Hey, hey, are you always so formal with your lovers, Fairytale Keeper?

Darius: Or could it be that this is your first time on a date with a man alone?

Darius: I'm curious about a lot of things. Can I ask you all about it?

Darius: It's okay, right? You're my lover now.

(Aside from showing him around town, the "as lovers" condition is more of a challenge than I thought...)

But there's no denying that I was the one who agreed to it, including the conditions.

(I'll do my best to get through today.)

I pulled myself together and smiled at Darius, who was staring at me with interest.

Kate: I'm sorry if I seemed distant. I'm a little nervous... After all, it's a date with my "lover."

Kate: But I'm happy to be out with you, Darius.

Darius: Well, I guess it's okay. It sounded a little rehearsed, though.

Darius: By the way, why did you choose me instead of Nica or Ring?

At that time, what was proposed was to choose one person from Vogel and spend time with them as their lover.

(The reason I chose Darius is...)

Kate: Because I wanted to know more about you.

(When you first greeted us...)

*flashback*

Darius: "A better society through the power of the cursed." That's our motto.

Darius: Even though the cursed now live in the shadows, I believe there's a more wonderful way for us to interact with society!

Darius: A future where humans and the cursed join hands... Doesn't just imagining it give you chills?

*back to present*

Every now and then, I recall those words Darius said.

(What kind of world is Darius aiming for?)

Kate: I want to know what kind of world "a future where humans and the cursed join hands" or "a new order" would be.

Darius: ………… Hmm...

Was it just the light that made his gaze seem to change?

I felt as if a darkness I didn't know had been reflected in his honey-colored eyes, which had been sweetly swaying until a moment ago.

.

.

.

Part 2

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[accio-victuuri]

follow up clowning related to gg’s weibo post from here. a reminder first that i don’t think everything has to mean something and most of the time what they post is just plain and simple. we are clowns, so we will speculate but that doesn’t mean we have to find some candy for every content they post before we can enjoy & appreciate it. for example, we also think that the reason GG is doing these solar terms right now, while he is filming LoZ is in the synopsis of the drama, his character is the son of the “director of the Imperial Observatory of the Great Yong Kingdom” , that’s the english translation. but the key here in the original text is this word: 钦天监 [qīn tiān jiàn].

what is it? thank you to good old baidu for always having the answer:

Qin Tianjian is the signature of an official whose function is to observe celestial phenomena, calculate solar terms, and formulate calendars.

calculating solar terms. so that could be the connection he is hinting at that is somehow significant to the character he is playing. makes sense right?

this is not me washing anyone’s candy. i’m only laying out alternative explanations cause that’s how i do things. lol. the addition i have seen going around is kadian related and i’m not a kadian girlie so i was blocking it out when i first saw it. 😅😅😅

okay, now let’s go to the cpn. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

the post he made is his 1085th on weibo. oh what a good number, like a mashup between their birthdays. and the kadian that was used 191919. which means still still still. or you can concentrate on the repeated use of the number 999 ( In Chinese, nine is pronounced jiu, which also means “long lasting.” As the highest single digit, it represents the maximum level of mortal happiness, longevity, and good luck. A perfect ten is reserved for the gods. Case in point: in respect to the Heavens, the Forbidden City in Beijing has 9999.5 rooms, just short of a flawless 10,000. )

who is saying still too? forever with who? wang yibo. based on my first post about it, his use of that word 谷雨 that also came up in LTS lyrics.

another coincidence is that in the song itself, the word comes up in the 0:19 mark. 👀

commemorating the anniversary of when he followed yibo on weibo, 4/20/2018 so he posted on the eve of that day. maybe he is celebrating something else that only the two of them know and it’s not necessarily something as mundane as following a person on weibo. who knows. however, it’s on the bxg calendar so we are marking that down as a possible reason. 📝

i love this explanation tho, that goes back to that actual day years ago and what happened. it was the 5th day of filming CQL and they did not have scenes together, so why did he pay attention and followed him? he was filming the scene in the burial mounds, WWX was drunk and reminiscing about when he first met LWJ. WWX misses LWJ cause he is not there. Was XZ also missing WYB that time? to the point that he went to his weibo account and followed him?

it’s not a secret that XZ prefers it when WYB is there, not only to act with, but just there for him. plus this level of attachment on the 5th day of filming is not surprising when it comes to them.

finally, the imagery of the rain when it comes to them is one that holds some meaning. much like how we fixate on the stars and moon. photos below to show some of those relations to the rain. ☔️

and that lrlg conversation they had that went:

XZ: "I'm waiting for you"

WYB: "I'll come and have dinner with you when it rains”

XZ: "Tomorrow's meal"

WYB: "Then tomorrow"

before we end, i’ll add this quote that seems to fit the whole subject of rain:

"Because it rains so often, many important things in life seem to have happened in the rain. Those memories are now uncovered and still feel wet. Even if they dry, they are like a book soaked in water, with ripples on the paper that are difficult to calm down."

sources aside from the ones directly linked: one / two / three / four 💛

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕝𝕖 𝕞𝕪 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕒𝕤 𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕝 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ not a request

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ I know there's a lot of bots with this au and probably fics too BUT

I just has to write it 😔 The au, prompt and everything is just too great!!

Also, this time I wrote in a bit different form! Hopefully it's still alright ^^ because oh my, I definitely enjoyed writing this!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

✧ Heizou heard about you even before he got your case, he simply never got too into it since you're u didn't do anything to pique his interest

✧ but when he got your case, he was at first bored to do it, but when he saw you in action, it all changed!

You just robbed another shop because of private reason, maybe it was on order! Well it's up to you! But on your way back you bumped into a detective who happened to have your case.

"Well well, who do we have here? Stealing from innocent shop owner?"

Because of your inattention, he got your wrists so now, you had to lean on your charisma skills to escape this situations...

"Maybe I just wanted to meet you~? I mean look at you! You're so handsome... every girl would squirm at my place already!!"

Of course Heizou expected the thief to try getting out but somehow... he couldn't find a lie in your sentence... the adoring look in your eyes made him blush, his mouth with gaping...

"I- well... ehem, it's not- Hey! Uh, I should've known!"

And you got him! The moment he cleared his throat, you escaped! And he quickly realized that. And that was the moment, the chase began~

✧ soon, the case began VERY interesting for him! So interesting he refused any other long cases because he wanted to prioritize yours

✧ was he falling during the case? Yes. Was he about to admit it? No. Were you the same? Yes, but you weren't afraid to admit it~

✧ now he knows, to not get distract by your words! And you knew you'll be done for the next time he catches you...

✧ but somehow, the chases always made both of you smile...

✧ you were smiling because of the adrenaline and how much he tried to catch you

✧ he on the other hand, enjoyed how creative you were with your escapes and because you weren't like any other thief, he actually wanted to catch you for some other reasons than the law~

✧ it's easy to say, calm talks are almost impossible between you two... so unless you let him catch you just to talk with him for a bit, or climb a really high building so he has no choice but indulge in conversation with you, you'll only be seeing each other while chasing...

✧ but you could also lure him into a little trap! Just to make him listen to you and that's probably how you could finally have hert to heart conversation with him and confess~

"You should be more aware of your surroundings, detective~ Well, I can't say I'm complaining! We can finally talk a bit."

"Talk? Heh, you mean talk on how much you'll try selling me back to Tenryou Comission for? Classic thi-"

"No. I mean talk. I'll let you go the moment you feel uncomfortable! I planned this mechanism well enough to have a chance to explain after that so no worries~"

"Hm... well this is new. So be it... if this is so important you had to tie me to a tree, I might as well listen your point."

✧ it's really kind of a forbidden love... BUT not impossible to go around! Maybe HE won't change but he could agree on few adjustmens~ especially if you already had the hard confession!

✧ if you agree, he'd be happy to take you to interrogation and fill in the documents so you could get out without jail, maybe with "punishment" of being detective's assistant for a little while~?

✧ but if that doesn't suit you, there's also possibility of little play pretend! If you stop stealing in the Inazuma City, he'll be able to mark your case as forgotten and he wouldn't have any bigger obstacles to secretly meet with you

✧ all of that wouldn't happen soon tho... he'd first need to develop actual strong feelings for you that he finally admits and both of you would need to trust each other and have few sly calmer meetings here and there

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot - come get your flirty detective~

[sweetcarrotsandroses97]

Summer | JJK

Hello Darlings!!!

Pairing: royal guard!Jungkook x princess!Reader, prince!Jimin x princess!Reader (ft. Yoongi & Hoseok)

Summary: In which you, princess of the Gyeongdong Dynasty, were in the middle of wedding plans. An arranged marriage that would guarantee your father's bloodline to stay on the throne.

Or in which you are assigned a new royal guard that swore to protect you with his life. Jeon Jungkook. That's his name. A name you could never forget. A name that, slowly but surely got engraved not only on your memories but also in your heart.

Love, politics, betrayal and desire. All in ancient history. A love that never should have happened, two souls that wouldn't be allowed to be together.

Warnings: angst, fluff, talks of arranged marriage, eating, love, historical au, forbidden love, betrayal, royal au, more angst (prepare yourself for it), ancient traditions. (I think that's all, if I forgot to mention something and you consider I should put it here, please let me know!)

Word Count: 9.4k

*A/N Hello everyone, thank you for giving this story a chance. This is my first time posting for Jungkook in here so I really hope you'll like this first chapter of my four-chaptered series. If you liked this, please let me know in the comments!! I'd also like to know your thoughts for the next part :)

*Banner made by me.

The sun was shining outside the big halls of the palace, the golden rays kissed the freshly cut grass and illuminated the place beautifully. How you wished you could go out there and sit under a tree, enjoy the warmth of the season and live without a care in the world.

However, you found yourself only wishing to do those things as your eyes stared out of one of the many opened windows of the palace, watching how the guards paced from place to place while the maids carried important things.

"Your highness, which silk would you like for your wedding dress?"

That brought you out of your thoughts, turning your gaze down to where one of the maids was presenting you with different kinds of silk but to you, they all looked the same. It was getting tiring having to decide so many things for a wedding that would be celebrated up until winter.

There was so much to do in such little time. And it was stressing you out not only because of the time but you weren't enjoying the preparations at all. This wasn't what you wanted, you didn't even know who your husband was going to be and that just wasn't right. If your father arranged your marriage the least he could offer was to know who your soon-to-be husband was going to be and get to know him as best as possible.

"I can't decide. I'll leave it to your professional opinion."

You said to the royal seamstress, she bowed at you and said, her eyes glued on the floor as you stood up from where you were sitting.

"I'm honoured, your highness."

A small smile graced your lips before you made your way out of the room, your dress trailing behind you as you left the place without another word.

A sigh escaped your lips once you were outside of your room, the sun kissed your skin delicately as you kept your gaze forward, admiring the beautiful gardens of the palace.

You still couldn't grasp the fact that you were going to get married in a couple of months. It was just way too sudden that your brain hadn't processed the information yet.

Every week, you were allowed to leave the palace for a day followed by guards and only able to walk around certain parts of the city. The people welcomed you with smiles and open arms each and every time you visited the city. You, the princess of Gyeongdong, were loved by the people and they couldn't wait for you to be their queen.

But since your engagement was announced, you leaving the palace was out of the map now. Your father couldn't risk something happening to you when the wedding was so close, furthermore, you were his only daughter after your mother passed away after giving birth to you, your father's princess as well as the kingdom's next ruler.

"Princess!"

You turned around at the sound of the voice of one of your closest people in the palace. The royal counsellor's son and a dear friend of yours, Jung Hoseok.

When he arrived next to you a smile was painted over his lips, he bowed down at you making you frown a bit.

"Stop it, I've told you many times before that you don't have to bow in front of me."

He chuckled, his hands behind his back as he straightened back up.

"Yes, I have. There are so many guards and court ladies that could see and that wouldn't be good for me, princess."

You sighed at his answer. He had said it time and time again but you just wanted to have a normal friendship, was that too much to ask? Maybe it was. At least for now.

"I'm sorry, you are right. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble because me."

Hoseok smiled and that made a small smile paint over your own lips. That was a power only he had, he would smile and it would make you smile too.

"It's alright, I can be sneaky when I want. Especially to the kitchen. They never know when I was there."

That made you let out a snort before laughing completely. Forgetting about proper manners or who could be watching you at the moment, you just lived that fragment of time. Enjoy it how it should be enjoyed.

"Speaking of..."

He continued, bringing his hands in front of him only for you to notice the small package covered with white fabric. You smiled widely at him.

"...I managed to sneak out some fish-shaped pastries."

You let out a squeal while Hoseok unwrapped the package and opened the lid for you to see he had bought your favourite dessert.

"Thank you, Hobi! I've been craving this since last week!"

With that, you took one and immediately began eating it, savouring the sweet flavour inside your mouth as you closed your eyes for a moment.

"Why didn't you just order for the maids to bring some pastries to your room, your highness?"

You sighed, swallowing the sweet treat only for then to say, your joyous face turning slightly sombre when the bubble of happiness was suddenly popped with reality.

"I am not allowed to eat anything like this, at least not until my wedding day. King's orders."

Hoseok's eyes widened in surprise at your words. Panic flared through his features as he came to the sudden realisation that he was disobeying the king's direct order. He looked around frantically, searching for people nearby that had witnessed him giving you the pastries while you continued to munch on another bite of the sweet treat.

The next thing he did, however, made your eyes widen as the remainder of the fish-shaped sweet was taken from your hand rather abruptly only for Hoseok to throw it in his mouth at the end. It all happened too fast you were left staring at your best with a dumbfounded face.

"Yah! Why did you d-"

You cut your sentence when you spotted one of the court ladies followed by a group of maids appearing in your peripheral vision. You quickly straightened your back while Hoseok hid the package he was holding behind his back, swallowing the remains of the pastry he took from your hands.

The court lady bowed when she stood in front of you, the other maids mirroring her actions. When she stood back up, she said, her voice cold and her attitude as strict as always.

"My Lady, His Majesty; The King, has requested your presence at the main hall."

You curtsided softly, a soft smile on your face.

"Thank you, I shall go there immediately."

And with that, you turned around and began walking along the large gardens with Hobi following you at a proper distance. When you rounded a corner and were out of the court lady's sight, you sighed. Hoseok caught up to you and you smiled at him.

"Thanks, Hobi."

Those whispered words made him smile, he looked back before saying.

"I should probably go back, I'll see you later, princess."

You nodded at him with a soft smile over your beautiful features and he bowed slightly at you only for then to fast-walk to the opposite direction from where you stood. You were left alone again and took a deep breath before you continued on your way to the throne room where your presence was requested.

"Her highness, princess Lee (y/n), has entered the main hall!"

The eunuch announced, you walked towards the throne with your hands clasped in front of you, your head low as you made your way across the place.

"You wished to see me, Your Majesty?"

You said, you gaze glued to the floor after you bowed at your father. He chuckled a bit, before saying.

"Princess (y/n), your fiancé, Prince of the Park family will be visiting us this autumn, the wedding will be held here, in the royal palace. I expect you to behave accordingly, dearest."

You bowed to him, not surprised at all with the news as you were already aware that the man you were going to marry was coming to stay at the palace, thanks to one of the maids who eavesdropped a conversation between two of the court ladies.

"I will do as you wish, Your Majesty."

He nodded, allowing you to retreat back to your room. The moment you were out of the main hall you let out a deep sigh. This was it. You were really getting married by the end of the year. You just hoped that the Prince of the Park family would be a nice person and would treat you right. Perhaps there would be no love in that marriage, you didn't expect it at all but the least you could get was the rightful place as his wife and Queen of Gyeongdong.

It was unfair, yes. Had you hoped to meet your only true love while being a child, of course but that wasn't your story anymore. You weren't a princess that needed to be rescued by a charming man only for then to fall in love. You had a duty with the kingdom, with your father and with yourself.

This marriage had to happen, even if you didn't totally approve of it. It was something that had to be done and there was no turning back.

"The Princess is getting married this winter."

The announcement made the royal guards look towards their superior as he stood at the doorway of the place they were having dinner.

"Her Highness is so lucky."

"She is marrying a Prince."

"Obviously, she is really beautiful."

"I wish I could get someone as beautiful as the Princess."

These and more murmurs could be heard in the room where all the guards enjoyed their warm food. But then, their superior, Captain Min Yoongi said, his voice back to its commanding tone.

"Yah! I didn't tell you all this for you to fantasise about your non-existent love life. This is important, the Princess needs to be guarded with more attention now that the wedding is close to the agreed date. Now, finish all your dinner and we will begin with the night's patrol in a couple of minutes."

With that, the captain left the place. Going back to his own personal quarters until it was time for the patrolling.

Meanwhile, at the guard's dinner table, the murmurs and comments didn't stop.

"They say Her Highness is marrying the Prince of the Park family."

"No, no, no, you heard it wrong. She is marrying the Kim's family first born. I heard they are the wealthiest family after the royal family in all of Gyeongdong."

You paced back and forth in your room. Tomorrow was the day that you usually went down to the city and left the confinement of the palace. But now, you were prohibited from leaving the royal grounds. The hot summer air entered through the opened windows and you stopped pacing. It would be of no use if you tried to convince the head court lady to let you go out.

She would immediately tell your father and that wouldn't do any good. Right now, you don't need any more prohibitions, what you needed was to get out of the place, just for a day. Clear your head from all the wedding plans and stuff that was forced into you.

You sat down with a huff, your skirts puffing out with your action. There was no-one that would take you out of the place tomorrow as they'd all fear the consequences if they got caught.

Perhaps I can beg father one last time. I'll beg on my knees if I have to.

With that thought in mind, you stood up from your crouching position and grabbed one of the lanterns in your room before you left the comfortable place and walked along the gardens, the lantern illuminating your path as you made your way to the King's palace.

-

"Your Majesty, Princess (y/n) has requested an audience with you. She said it was urgent."

Said the king's personal royal guard. He then told him after taking a sip from his cup of tea.

"Let her in."

The guard bowed and walked towards the closed doors, he opened the entrance way and you entered your father's room. Your head hung low. When you found yourself standing in front of him with the table with his dinner being the only thing between you both, you commented in a soft voice.

"Your Majesty, forgive me for coming here late at night but I have a request to make you."

The king sighed, putting his small cup on the table and giving you his complete attention.

"Go on."

You gulped, preparing the words you were about to say. It was now or never.

"I... I wish to go down to the city tomorrow."

You heard him take a deep breath and you screwed your eyes shut. Had you been, perhaps, too direct with your petition?

"We have already discussed this. I will not let you leave this place until you are married. Go back to your room."

His words made you feel hopeless, trapped in a cage. A golden cage. A lump began forming in your throat due to his harsh tone but you wouldn't back away that easily. Your father's eyes widened when you sank down on your knees, your eyes leaving the ground only to lock them with the man who raised you.

"Please. I beg you. I'm not asking you this as the Princess and future Queen of Gyeongdong but as your daughter. I feel trapped here, it's suffocating. I promise I'll behave completely when the Prince and his family come to the palace but I plead to you to let me enjoy the little time I have as an unmarried woman.

I promise I won't disappoint you, father. Please, don't keep me here like a trophy. Please just let me go out once a week. That's all I'm asking."

There was silence after you finished, a silence that was beginning to feel asphyxiating. There was no noise that could be heard, not even the rustling of the wind outside and you could swear that you'd be able to hear a drop of ink landing on the ground with how silent the atmosphere had suddenly gone.

"Go back to your room, (y/n). I don't want to discuss this any further."

You let out a defeated sigh, blinking back the tears that had gathered in your (e/c) eyes. Standing up, you bowed at your father and said before leaving the room.

"Goodnight, Your Majesty."

When you found yourself back in your room was when you finally let your tears go. The lantern you were carrying was left abandoned near the entrance way as you made your way to your bed setting. You didn't even bother to change from your dress and laid down over the soft covers.

You already knew that once you got married you wouldn't be able to leave the palace unless it was some kind of political matter that would require your presence otherwise you'd stay in the palace grounds forever.

And now, when you had the chance of enjoying the last remains of your time alone, your father prohibited it. The tears rolled down your cheeks as you curled yourself under the blankets, the tears were a reflection of your anger and sadness but mostly a feeling of hopelessness that had settled in your heart since the news of your engagement was announced.

You didn't know when exactly you fell asleep but when you opened your eyes again, you were met with your room illuminated by the early sun rays. You sat up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, when you stood up you heard one of your personal damsels say from the outside of your room.

"Your Highness, your new clothes are ready."

Walking towards the entrance way, you opened the door and let the maid as well as two more women who always assisted her in dressing you inside the place you had slept last night.

One of the three women inside began arranging your bed setting while another one displayed your clothes for the day. You had to admit it was a beautiful dress with a deep blue purple and puffy skirt and a white top which had details in light blue. The silk of the dress seemed soft at the touch and you could swear it was as all your dresses were made with the best fabrics of Gyeongdong.

"My Lady, can we assist you in getting ready for today?"

The maid who had spoken not even five minutes ago outside of your room asked, her voice was gentle and she kept her gaze lowered. Her words triggered something inside you. What was the point in getting ready if no-one was going to see such fine clothes? No-one, other than the people at the palace saw you walk around the gardens so, was it really worth it using these clothes when all you did was stay inside all day?

No.

That was what you answered to yourself. It wasn't fair, it wasn't needed. It wasn't worth it. You were deep in thought as you let the three maids dress you up with the beautiful dress that was, indeed, very soft to the touch.

When you came out of your thoughts, you were sitting on the floor as delicate fingers ran through your hair, combining it and styling it properly. Just as the maid was about to put a couple of pins in your hair, another one of the damsels suddenly said, making you look up from your lap.

"Princess, His Majesty is coming here!"

You stood up, dusting off your skirts only for then to go to the door. The three maids followed you. When you opened the entrance way and found yourself in the doorway of your own palace you saw how your father stood in the garden in front of your door. Captain Min stood at his right as four other guards stayed behind the King.

You bowed, your damsels mirroring your action until you spoke in a clear yet emotionless voice.

"Good morning, Your Majesty. What can I do for you this early in the morning?"

The king let out a deep breath, you lifted your head and looked at your father, your hands clasped together in front of you.

"I am assigning you a personal royal guard,"

That instantly caught your attention, the look in your eyes changing to one of hope upon hearing that sentence.

"only with him by your side are you allowed to leave the palace grounds."

You had to bite down on your bottom lip to suppress the smile that threatened to grow on your face.

"First Officer Jeon,"

Your father named out and one of the four guards stepped at the front, kneeling in front of his king. From your perspective, you could tell he was tall and well built, you stood in the doorway without moving, expecting your father's next words.

"you are to keep the princess safe until the day you die. Her safety is in your hands. You must accompany her to wherever she wishes to go and never let her out of your sight. That is your duty as the princess' personal royal guard."

The man you came to know his name was Officer Jeon then said, his voice low and certain of his next words.

"I swear no harm will ever fall upon Her Highness as long as my heart is beating. I'll protect her with my life."

You swallowed at his words, the severity of his vow downing on you.

"Very well, stand up Officer Jeon. Princess (y/n), you are now free to leave the palace just remember the rules, I don't want you going out everyday or staying out until late at night."

You bowed once more, a wide smile over your lips.

"I appreciate your generosity, Your Majesty. I promise to follow the rules to the fullest."

The king chuckled and you straightened up, a gleam of happiness in your eyes.

"Very well then, I shall take my leave."

You all bowed as the king left, Captain Min Yoongi and the other three guard following him as they began discussing some plans of safety for Gyeongdong but your mind couldn't care about their strategies at the moment as the happiness of going out once more clouded any other thought that could cross your mind.

First Officer Jeon turned around, facing you. You smiled at him before looking at one of the maids that were smiling among themselves.

"Bring me my outer robe and small handbag, please."

"Right away, Your Highness."

The damsel quickly went inside your room to fetch the items you just requested, in the meantime you turned towards the man whose duty was to protect you at all costs. He was looking across the garden, perhaps he hadn't been this much in this part of the palace. You thought to yourself.

The summer outer robe in white silk was placed over your shoulders and you grabbed the bag from the maid's hand. You thanked her before skipping along the small steps until your feet landed on the green grass that covered the outside territory of your palace.

"Shall we go, Officer Jeon?"

You walked down the first steps of the palace, the main gate opened and you felt like you could suddenly breathe again. A sigh escaped your lips as you ventured through the gate and out of the palace, a golden prison.

Your personal guard was trailing behind you, keeping a proper distance between you both. You watched him from the corner of your eyes, approaching the city as you two walked towards it.

"You can walk next to me, you know?"

First Officer Jeon looked at the back of your head upon hearing those words.

"That wouldn't be proper of me, Princess."

You pouted slightly before you turned to face him while still walking backwards to the city. His eyes widened a bit at your action and took in how care-free you looked.

"But what if someone attacks me and you are standing behind me? You should always walk by my side."

A soft smile was plastered over your features while still facing him. However, he ignored what you said and commented, his voice a bit more distant than before.

"You will trip if you walk like that."

It was a statement rather than a possibility and that had you frowning up at him. If he was going to be like this then your little trips to the city and nearby villages were going to be a bit dull, at least until you got to your desired destination.

"I won't! I don't lik-"

But your sentence got cut off when, just as he predicted, you tripped with a small rock. You gasped when you felt your body being pulled down to the ground by gravity, the heavy skirts of your dress not allowing you to gain back your footing.

It was only when you felt a firm hand grasping yours and a pull over your body when you were back on your feet.

"I told you you would trip over."

Officer Jeon said, his voice cold and distant but you were able to catch a tinge of humour behind his words. A soft blush painted your cheeks when you realised he was still holding your hand in his surprisingly warm one.

Out of a sudden you felt shy, retrieving your hand from his grasp and taking a couple of steps away from him as you hadn't noticed just how close the two of you were a mere second ago.

"That... that was- it wouldn't... aish. I don't like for people to walk behind me, I feel like I'm being followed. Just... just do me the favour, could you? Just walk next to me, I promise you won't get in trouble."

He sighed, looking around before agreeing with a silent nod.

"And, thanks by the way. For not letting me fall down."

He bowed slightly, the both of you continuing your path down to the city.

"I was just doing my work, Princess."

You had to bite down on your lip to keep the smile from shining all over your face. He indeed took that vow to heart. You thought. Looking up at him, you noticed just how handsome your personal guard was and a warm sensation spread all over your body.

"So... tell me. What's your name? How would you like me to call you?"

Your question made him look down at you for a split second but you continued to watch him with curiosity. If he was going to always be with you, at least you could be friends?

"I am the First Officer of the Royal Guards, Jeon Jungkook. You can call me as you please, My Lady."

Jeon Jungkook.

You had to admit the name suited him. You blinked at him and said with a smile, more of asked him though.

"Is it okay if I call you just by your first name?"

Jungkook kept his gaze straight forward as he answered your question.

"As I told you, Princess, you may call me as you please."

You smiled at him, some silence falling between you both. It was a comfortable one and you just knew that you and Jungkook would get along pretty well. You could feel it.

"It's the Princess!"

A villager exclaimed when he caught sight of you with your royal guard walking by your side.

"She's back!"

"Her Highness has arrived!"

This and more exclamations were heard among the people that were suddenly surrounding you and Jungkook. You gave a sweet smile to all the people who greeted you and bowed respectfully at you, their Princess.

Jungkook was alert, keeping an eye on you while checking the place. The crowd began getting bigger and bigger and to him, that only meant the risk of something happening that could put your safety on the line was increasing.

He had never seen the people from the city so enthusiastic about someone, however he could tell you were really loved by Gyeongdong's citizens.

With a smile, you received the little gifts from the people all while Jungkookk never left your side. You could feel how tense he was when there were too many people around you but, even if you had only met him that same morning, you felt safe with him.

You knew that as long as he was next to you, no harm would come over you. It was strange but for some reason, he radiated that sense of protection.

Later that day, you sat under a wide tree located in the middle of the village, Jungkook was standing at your left side, his eyes scanning the area like a hawk. You opened one of the bags you were gifted that a kind, older woman had given you. A smile was painted over your face when your eyes landed on the fish-shaped pastries you loved so much.

Jungkook looked down at you as you giggled softly and began eating the sweet treat.

"You can sit down, you know?"

You voiced out after having swallowed the pastry. When you looked up you found him already looking at you.

"And don't say "it's not proper" you can sit down and still keep me safe."

Jungkook sighed, of course it was not proper for him to sit next to you however, your care-free spirit slowly but surely got to him and he was about to crouch down on the floor next to you. But how could he? He was just your royal guard, people could misunderstand his actions for wanting something from you which wasn't true. He had one duty and that was to protect you at all costs but it seemed you were making it difficult with your soft aura and kind spirit and it was just the first day with this new job.

"No, Princess. I must stay here, I have a place next to you and that is as your royal guard."

Now it was your time to sigh, you knew he was right but was it really that harmful to just try to be friends with him? Perhaps he viewed it that way but you couldn't help it, you had been so alone your entire life that it was only natural for you to try and establish some kind of relationship in terms of friendship.

"I'm sorry. You are right."

With that, you stood up, not feeling in the mood to stay there any longer.

"You don't have to apologise, Princess. It is, after all, my job."

Another sigh escaped your lips as you began walking along the path that led to the palace. Jungkook following you from behind and he couldn't help but think how his action ruined the enthusiastic mood you were in some hours ago however, he knew it was necessary to set the boundaries since the very beginning otherwise something harmful could happen between him and you, the lonely princess who was destined to be queen and possessed a big heart.

When you were back at the palace, Jungkook made sure to escort you to your room but as you were about to enter the place, you turned to him and said, a soft smile over your lips though not as wide as when the both of you had parted from the royal grounds.

"Thank you for coming with me to the city."

He bowed down at you, not saying a word. When he straightened back up he was met with the sight of you holding a small bag towards him.

"You can have them, you looked like you wanted some of them. I won't be able to finish them all anyway."

Jungkook took the bag from your hand hesitantly, his fingers brushing yours for a split second before the contact was broken.

"I appreciate your generosity, Princess. Rest well."

You smiled a little wider at him, your hands clasping in front of you.

"You rest as well, Jungkook."

With that being said you entered your room, sliding the door shut. Only when Jungkook saw that you had closed the door did he begin walking back to his own room.

He let out a deep breath as he sat on the floor, the little bag you had given him before going back to your room was still in his hand and he couldn't help but open the small package. Surprised struck Jungkook when he saw the fish-shaped pastries inside. Had he been too obvious when he looked at you while you ate them? Maybe he was.

A soft smile adorned his handsome face as he took one out and began eating it. He had never before met you in person, he had never before been in your presence and certainly not that close as today but he couldn't deny that the Princess of Gyeongdong was a kind-hearted woman, blessed with her mother's beauty and her father's intelligence.

As he finished the pastry, he couldn't help but think that his words were a little harsh to you. You were only being friendly with him but he was afraid he could get you in trouble for such indecencies. But if you didn't mind him being that close to you, was it really a problem?

He recalled all the times he had seen you. From afar. And you always looked to be quite lonely for the future queen of Gyeongdong. You were always immersed in yourself and, even in those countable memories he had of you before he became your personal guard, your eyes seemed to sparkle when someone talked to you, when someone, anyone, brought you out of your little bubble of loneliness.

You had been extremely happy that morning when you got to know he was going to be accompanying you to the city and Jungkook couldn't describe the way your eyes had lit up when you found out he was going to be around you until you got married, maybe even after that.

Perhaps there was still time to change your perspective of him, maybe he could get you to open a bit to him. Yes, he was supposed to protect you but that didn't mean only physical harm but emotional pain too. If what you needed was some company afterall, he was more than capable of giving you that.

He would try, he had to. Jungkook couldn't picture you, the sweet Princess, not smiling at all. It was one of your many beautiful qualities. And maybe, he could be the person you needed to bring you out of your self-absorbed world.

Besides, he didn't intend to be involved with you, not even in friendship. So, was there a problem at all?

One Month Later

It was early in the morning when Jungkook found himself walking towards your room. His own bedroom was close to yours in case anything happened. Well, as close as it was proper for it to be. He made his way through a path he now knew by memory as every day, for the past month, he had waited for you outside of your room only to never leave your side throughout the day up until it was nighttime and the both of you had to part ways.

Jungkook could tell that you were now more relaxed in his presence than the beginning, even if you had seemed okay at first when he practically was glued to you, now it was so normal to you that you even felt strange in those rare moments when he wasn’t with you. 

He also kept his own promise, he set the boundaries with you and the pair of you existed as just that, employer and employee. He was meant to protect, you were the one he needed to protect. That was it. Or at least that was what Jungkook told himself every night before going to sleep.

When he stopped by your room, he got surprised, nearly alarmed as you weren’t there and the door was opened. He cursed under his breath and turned around, already with some places in mind to search for you until he spotted one of the maids.

As he approached her, he noticed it was the woman who always helped you get dressed in the mornings, she also did your hair and makeup for the day.

"Excuse me, is Her Highness in the royal grounds? I just came here but she isn't in her room."

The damsel put down her basket that had in it clean, white sheets and replayed almost immediately as she could sense Jungkook's panic laced voice.

"She is in the practice grounds. Or at least that's what she commented this morning."

Jungkook thanked the kind maid before jogging off to the practice grounds of the palace.

The moment he arrived, he was met with a swishing sound across the air followed by a muttered curse. Peaking over through some bushes, Jungkook sighted you standing in the middle of the place, a bow in your left hand while the other held an arrow.

You were wearing a fine and beautiful dress with a white skirt and light pink top all made in expensive silk. Jungkook watched you shoot another arrow to the target mark, your eyes focused and you breathing even. Your posture could be improved but you had gotten the hang of it. He watched as you took a deep breath before letting go of the arrow and he couldn't help but watch not your actions but you.

He admired how beautiful you looked dressed in such fine clothes, with your hair styled to perfection and how you carried yourself. He watched how your left hand gripped the bow tightly up until your knuckles turned white, such delicate hands that he had seen holding unharmful items like a paintbrush or a book, were now holding a dangerous and powerful weapon, if used correctly.

As the arrow travelled through the air, time seemed to go in slow motion as he watched a couple of rebellious strands of hair fly slightly with the movement. But his trance was broken when the arrow landed a couple of feet away from the target mark, on the ground.

A frustrated sigh escaped your lips as you walked towards where other arrows rested. Ignoring the quantity of how many arrows you had already fired and now rested on the floor, you positioned the arrow in your bow and prepared yourself to fire it.

"You need to relax, Princess."

The sudden voice said from behind you startled you causing the arrow to fall on the ground before you even had the chance to fire it. A gasp escaped your lips as you turned around only to be met with Jungkook who approached your figure with calculated steps.

He was wearing his usual uniform in a deep shade of blue, a sword attached to a belt that hugged his waist but something about his presence that morning intrigued you.

"You scared me."

Was your statement once he stood at arms length. He looked down at you and you held his strong gaze.

"I apologise, Your Highness. I didn't mean to."

You relaxed and let out a defeated sigh.

"You have good skills but your posture can be improved."

At Jungkook's words you lifted your gaze, meeting his dark brown eyes with your own once more. He gestured towards your bow with his chin and asked, his voice gentle like a summer breeze.

"May I?"

You nodded, handing him your bow. The warmth of his fingers brushed yours and you had to bite back a smile. He crouched down and picked up the arrow that had fallen from your grasp a moment ago.

Jungkook positioned himself and you watched his every move.

"You are too tense while holding the bow, if your hold is firm but at the same time gentle it will give you stability."

You listened carefully to his explanations as your eyes were glued to him and for the first time since he became your personal guard were you able to admire him. Properly admire him.

Your gaze landed on his focused face, on how his eyes were put on the target mark and nothing else. Then, you travelled to his lips and marvelled on the way he was pulling back the arrow until it touched the corner of his lips softly. His jawline was defined as if it had been sculpted by the gods.

His broad shoulders carried years of training and you could see how his muscles could be traced even with more than one layer of clothing. His veiny hands held the bow and the arrow with expertise and you found yourself trapped in a trance in which only Jungkook existed.

He fired the arrow, hitting the target in its centre. You looked amazed at the clean shot he did and he commented, giving you back your bow.

"Would you like to try again, Princess?"

You nodded and took the bow. Jungkook walked where the rest of the arrows were and picked one up. He handed it to you and you took it softly from his grasp. You positioned the arrow and prepared yourself to shoot.

You silently gasped when you felt a large hand over your left one, the one holding the bow and it took you less than a second to realise it was Jungkook who was guiding you. You smelled his scent from behind you and felt the light pressure of his body at your back but it wasn't uncomfortable, on the contrary, you felt safe being this close to him. It was... Soothing, to say the least.

"You need to relax your hand a bit more."

Following his instructions, he smiled.

"Good, now take a deep breath. Straighten up a bit more and concentrate."

You did as you were told, closing your eyes and relishing in the comfort Jungkook provided. The warm feeling of his hand over yours was nearly overwhelming. The moment you opened your eyes again, the only thing you could focus on was on the target. Letting go of the arrow, it travelled through the air with a mute noise and landed directly on the mark.

A gasp left your lips and Jungkook let go of your hand just as you turned around and looked up at him. Your smile showed pure happiness, a happiness he was responsible for and for some reason, that settled a spark of proudness in his chest.

"I wasn't aware that you knew archery."

He lifted an eyebrow, almost in a teasing way.

"I am a royal guard, Princess. Of course I know how to shoot an arrow."

You laughed at his words. Stupid, of course he would know that. You scolded yourself inwardly, thoughts masked by a soft smile.

"Do you have any plans for today, My Lady?"

His question brought you out of your embarrassing state and you let out a sigh upon remembering what you had to do today.

"Not much really. I don't think I'll be able to visit the city today. The King ordered a seamstress to make a new dress for me, for my birthday ceremony."

Jungkook nodded, walking to a nearby bench only for then to sit down, all while keeping an eye on you as you practised your archery skills for a little more time.

"Isn't your birthday in autumn, Princess?"

You looked up at Jungkook while he kept his gaze glued to the front.

"Yes but the King prepares everything with so much anticipation as you may already know, the day I was born was when other events occurred at the same time like the Queen's passing and Gyeongdong's victory against the Jejin kingdom in the north."

He looked down at you only to lock his eyes with you and he was able to read the sadness behind your explanation. Jungkook couldn't imagine just how lonely your life had been, with your mother dying in childbirth and formally meeting your father when you were three when he returned from the war.

He knew you suffered as a child even when you were the Princess and had access to whatever you wanted at any time of the day. A lonely girl with a planned future. He knew you were to become Queen in winter, the ceremony occurring the same day as your wedding day was scheduled.

"Have you ever met him?"

His question made you blink, parting your gaze from his penetrating brown orbs.

"No. I've never met the Prince I was promised in marriage. But I guess that's how arranged marriages work, don't they?"

A humourless chuckle followed your words and Jungkook could easily tell that you didn't want to get married, at least not in this way.

When the both of you arrived to where the seamstress was waiting for you, Jungkook stood in the farthest corner of the room making himself invisible as the kind lady began taking your measurements and explained to you what kind of fabrics you were allowed to wear for your wedding day.

You picked everything with a dull expression, already tired of all the wedding preparations. Your eyes drifted here and there toward Jungkook, secretly hoping that he would also look at you but his gaze was lost in the place. He kept his head low and never did he make it for you both to lock eyes, even when he felt your gaze over him from time to time.

-ambience-

"Hobi, are you alright? I haven't seen you for nearly two weeks!"

You whispered-shouted at your best friend. It was early in the morning, so early that the sun wasn't out yet, the sky was still dark and silence drowned the palace. You stood outside of your room still wearing your sleeping clothes, your bare feet touching the fresh grass as Hoseok had woken you at such an hour saying that there was something important he needed to tell you.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me, Princess. There's something you need to know,"

Even in the darkness, with the only source of light being a small paper lantern he carried in his left hand, you could see the seriousness behind Hoseok's words, whatever he was about to tell you was, indeed, important.

You signalled him to continue and he said, his tone low, words carried with the hot summer breeze of the early hours.

"I've been away for sometime because I travelled with my father to the North. As you may know, the news of your wedding with the Prince of the Park family had reached every town of the country but suspicious activity was reported to His Majesty a month ago."

Now that was definitely urgent for you to know. There was someone that was organising something. Something bad.

"That's where Jejin was situated before my father conquered it, isn't it?"

Hobi nodded, his usually cheerful eyes now filled with worry. Worry for you, his best friend. For Gyeongdong and for his family. The possibility of war had increased and if the problem didn't get solved not only the royal family would be in danger but all the innocent citizens of Gyeongdong.

"His Majesty suspects that a rebellious group is taking Jejin's place, trying to take the throne which also means stopping your wedding, Princess. The King also believes that the group is being controlled by one of the Ministers."

Your eyes went wide when you heard the last sentence. Was truly a traitor sitting in front of the King in his own palace? You looked around you, suddenly feeling insecure about being in your own room. You realised then that Hobi had spoken of such secret information outside of your room, in the gardens. What if someone heard?

"Let's go inside, it's dangerous for you to be telling me this in the gardens."

Hoseok shook his head, his worried eyes never leaving your figure.

"No, Princess. That would look suspicious if anyone had their eyes on us right now. I only came here tonight to give you fish-shaped pastries."

His words were whispered, even when in the silence you feared they could be heard. The next thing you knew was that he was giving you a package covered by soft fabric, just like every other time he had given you sweets. A forced smile was latched onto his face, trying to make this look as normal as possible.

You eyes the package and slowly took it from his grasp.

"Smile, Princess. I just gave you your favourite treat. Smile and go back to your room and keep smiling until you close the door."

His instructions were said between clenched teeth and airy words, all while keeping the gentle look on his face. You did as instructed though Hobi could tell you were scared, it was reflected in your eyes.

"Thank you for the pastries, you know how much I like them."

With that said, you turned around and walked to your room, your smile never leaving your face. Once in the privacy of your quarters, you sat down on the floor while processing everything Hoseok just said to you.

A traitor.

A traitor in the court.

Marriage.

Jejin.

Traitor.

Danger.

Possibility of war

A traitor.

Your mind kept swirling around those words, not grasping the fact that there was someone who didn't want you to become Queen, who didn't want your father's bloodline to stay on the throne.

You looked at the package Hobi gave you, something inside you telling you that what was inside it were not fish-shaped pastries. You untied the fabric and pulled out the box only to find a letter there. Without giving it much thought, you unfolded it and quickly recognised Hoseok's handwriting.

Princess, there wasn't enough time for me to tell you this but you need to be careful. Captain Yoongi informed me that you now have a personal royal guard to keep you safe, that's good. You can trust him, he is a good man.

You need to stay alert, don't trust anyone other than His Majesty, Captain Yoongi, my father, me and of course Jungkook. He'll keep you safe.

I wish I could tell you everything's going to be alright but I can't be sure, at least not now. You cannot be alone now, please. Stay close to Jungkook, it's for your own safety.

Hobi.

That letter was the last piece of information you needed for realisation to fall upon you. Whatever was happening was dangerous and it threatened your safety.

You felt a sudden urge to go to Jungkook, be near him. He made you feel safe and now, when things could get difficult, for some reason he grounded you from your own thoughts and fears. You could trust him, you knew that since day one. He was going to protect you and that night, you slept with the vow he made to your father about keeping you safe. You were aware that no harm would ever fall over you as long as he was with you.

However, little did you know someone had seen your entire interaction with Hoseok in the gardens. Someone hiding behind the bushes in the darkness of the early morning.

Jungkook rowed the small boat to cross the lake. You sat opposite him, your expression bored as you leaned over one of the edges, your arm supporting your head while your eyes were glued to the crystalline water.

You had barely talked since he went to your room that morning, the usual spark in your eyes was gone, leaving empty yet still beautiful (e/c) orbs behind. You didn't smile as brightly as before, your smile carried a sadness with it, a sorrow.

He wanted to ask you what was wrong, he wanted to know. A part of him needed to know. Jungkook didn't know why he was having such strong needs, such emotions. He was only meant to protect you, to keep you away from harm and that included any type of harm.

Suddenly, he stopped rowing but that didn't make you look up from your lost gaze in the waters.

"Princess,"

You hummed when you heard Jungkook speak to you though you didn't look at him, your eyes continuing to gaze down at the waters below.

"may I ask you a question?"

"You already did."

Was your response. It was dull, something in it ached in between the words. It wasn't normal of you, for as long as Jungkook himself could tell. He sighed, before speaking again.

"Are you alright?"

You blinked when he asked that as you rose yourself from your leaning position over the edge to finally look at your personal guard. Your eyes carried something he had never seen before.

Worry.

It was crystal clear, at least to Jungkook. You were worried about something and, for some strange reason, a reason he didn't know, it worried him too to see you like this. It physically pained him to see you, the care-free and sweet Princess in such a sour mood. Carrying such heavy weights over your shoulders.

You didn't say anything, you couldn't. You were scared, you were worried for the kingdom, for your father, for Hobi, for yourself, for your life. It was too much. Too much to process in a single morning. Too much information that it overwhelmed you to the point of tears watering your eyes.

"Is it something about what the counsellor's son told you this morning?"

You gasped at his statement. Jungkook wasn't going to deny it. Yes, he had seen your interaction with Hoseok that very morning, he had seen the way you smiled when he gave you a small package, even when the gardens were drowning in the darkness of the early hours of the day, he could tell you were smiling thanks to the small source of light that was Hoseok's lantern.

"You didn't have the right to do that. You are my royal guard but you can't invade my privacy like that!"

The way you raised your voice at the end made him mentally curse himself. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that.

"I'm sorry, Princess. It was an accident. I didn't mean to spy on you."

You narrowed your eyes at him, somehow deep within you, you knew he was telling the truth but you didn't want to believe him, you didn't want to slide it off. He had invaded your privacy and that was out of the line.

"He went there to give me my pastries. You know I'm not allowed to eat them until my wedding day. Hoseok is my best friend but of course I don't have to give you any explanation of my decisions. You are meant to do a job so just... just do it. Stop trying to always make me happy, life is not like that! Stop it, just... stop it. Please."

Your words crushed his heart, not because of what you said to him but because they only proved his beliefs, something had happened, something that was hurting you.

"You only have to do what you were told to do. You don´t have to care for me, not in this way. You are asking if I'm alright and as you can see, I'm not physically hurt so stop caring so much, you don't have to do it."

The look he gave you the next second was enough for you to know that your words, even though they were cruel, had gotten to him. Tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes and you did your utmost to blink them back. Jungkook stared at you, his jaw clenched and you felt like he wanted to say so many things to you but he was refraining himself.

His eyes bored themselves into yours and in that moment you wished the water would swallow you completely so that you wouldn't face him.

That's good. You have to stay away. You have to stay away from me so that you can't get hurt. Please, Jungkook. Just back off.

You thought to yourself as you continued to watch each other. The atmosphere tensing.

"But... what if I care?"

A tear rolled down your cheek slowly. No, please don't say that. Please... He ran a hand through his hair and looked back at you.

"I care for you, Princess."

You closed your eyes, letting the tears freely fall down your cheeks.

"You can't."

Whispered words reached his ears. Making his heart shake with the need to hold you, promise you that it was going to be alright.

"But I do."

You opened your eyes, looking at Jungkook through blurry vision. His eyes were filled with tears and you felt an ache in your heart at the sight of his tears.

"You weren't supposed to. You were only meant to protect me, Jungkook. That's it, nothing else."

He sighed, his eyes lowering to your trembling hands resting on your lap. He had a sudden urge to hold them. To hold you. To comfort you.

"I know. Love is blind, Princess. No-one gets to choose."

You took a shaky breath, calming yourself a bit only for him to continue.

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I'll... I'll accept the punishment for my actions, Your Highness."

He lowered his head, ready to accept whatever consequences there were for his actions. In that moment, Jungkook realised you were untouchable, the forbidden fruit he had come to desire, an expensive and beautiful jewel he could never have.

"No."

At that, he lifted his gaze and looked at you who gazed at him with such hurt in your eyes it forced him to swallow the lump in his throat.

"You are not getting punished for this. No-one should. It... It just happened and I couldn't... I wouldn't be able to see you go."

A tear left his eye, rolling down his cheek while leaving a wet trail over his honey skin.

"I care for you too, Jungkook."

That was the moment the seasons changed. The warm days were over and both you and Jungkook knew that. It was forbidden, it was socially unacceptable, a disgrace.

You were engaged, the Princess who was going to become Queen while he was only your personal guard. Meant to protect you of any harm. But he was just that, a royal guard. A handsome middle-class man caring way more than needed for you, King Lee's only daughter.

He, as well as you, were aware that colder days were to come soon. And just like that, with simple words that revealed each other's heart, the summer days were over.

Four Seasons Taglist: @seokout

May 28/2023

Likes, Reblogs & Comments are really appreciated!!!

~Masterpost

[starsreminisce]

Hiya happy 2024! Hope it’s an incredibly magic-filled year for you!

Your post on Lucien having an emotional connection to Elain vice versa and their bond being a primarily emotional bond just appeared on my page and what a great observation! I loved it

One part towards the end of that post especially stood out to me where you said if sjm wanted to go a rejected mating bond for them, then she would write all the characters reactions differently and I couldn’t agree more.

When I see posts about Elain and Azriel who are forbidden I’m very confused. In most books where I’ve read that trope the other characters hanging with the grumpy / sunshine / forbidden pair are constantly talking about how they’re rooting for the two, wishing they wud confess to one another (bcuz it’s so noticeable). Or their differing personalities might prevent them from confessing their feelings bcuz of reservations (like grumpy/sunshine). But either way there are others around them who are cheering the two on.

I don’t think we’ve everr been given a line or even a tiny morsel from the other characters like feyre, mor, etc, that Azriel and Elain are torturing themselves with want or that they wish those two would just give it up already and confess and so on and so forth

I hope that you had a wonderful new year and an equally magical year in store for you!

The whole issue I have with the forbidden love trope between Elain and Azriel is that there's absolutely no reason for it if all Elain needs to do is reject the bond. I often feel like people who are pushing for this don’t have an understanding of Lucien’s character. Lucien already said in ACOWAR that he’ll learn to let Elain go if that’s what she wants. Honestly, all of Elriel’s moments happened because Lucien isn’t being an alphahole. Sometimes, I still feel like Lucien allows this to happen because he knows he isn’t the best person for Elain to be around in order to heal; that’s how in tune I believe he is to her.

Who else would they have to hide from? Rhys? Rhys tells us that Lucien being alive is important to the peace they currently have - nothing about their mating bond at all. Rhys specifically used the word defend because that’s how the worst possible situation is going to play out. Azriel is coming in to challenge Lucien. Rhys knows Lucien well enough that Lucien doesn’t back down because Lucien did not from him or Amarantha. We know that Lucien has challenged Tamlin to get Feyre to learn her powers. We still don’t know how the whipping scene played out for Lucien to receive as many as he did for shouting out the wrym’s direction to Feyre.

I’ve seen people say that Elain ought to be included in the conversation, and it’s like, how is that going to play out? Hey Elain, I know you want to kiss Azriel but here’s the thing - Lucien is connected to three of our most volatile alliances, and he is also the secret son of our biggest ally. Wouldn’t that be manipulating her into accepting it, if she wants to do what it takes to be part of the court? Wouldn't that be forcing her to choose right then and there?

There were four scenarios in ACOSF that could have proven Azriel is a better match for Elain: Azriel could have told Nesta that Elain is extremely hurt that she was so far gone with her alcoholism, Azriel could have offered to help Elain regain her powers, Azriel could have danced or been around Elain during the Hewn City Solstice, and lastly, Azriel was a source of comfort for Elain during Feyre’s labor.

Four extremely important moments for Elain that Lucien was not there but Azriel was.

We have two highly observant characters' POVs: Cassian spent most of his time bewildered why Lucien and Elain are separated as they are, and Nesta observing the charged look but still called Elain a wretch for not paying any attention to her mate.

We have two characters who respect the reverence of the mating bond: Feyre and Amren.

We have two characters who do not approve of this: Rhys and Mor. Mor especially when she tensed up at Azriel giving Elain attention during the ACOSAF solstice.

If there were two characters who would give Elriels that morsel to hope for, it would have been Nesta and Feyre. Nesta is camp Gwyn, and Feyre still invited Lucien to their inner circle solstice, knowing that they aren’t interacting.

And I hate to point this out, but Feyre saw no wrongdoing from Rhys when he hid the pregnancy risk from her. Lucien also spent most of their journey back to the Night Court challenging Feyre’s hypocrisy between her mating bond with Rhys and his with Elain. Feyre also experienced Rhys's death, so she knows how it feels to be without her mate.

Feyre is not going to be on Elriel's side for those reasons. She'll support Elain's choice, but Elain has two sisters who couldn't resist the pull of the mating bond that was not revealed to them until it came time. I am sure that they will argue if this is something Elain truly wants, and we don't have anything in the books to suggest that.

The only person who does have the power to change this is Elain, and her silence is pretty damning to me. Especially when Nesta could have easily observed Elain giving Azriel glances when Nesta asked him why he won’t sit by the fire.

[bubbleteycosplay]

What if Sigyn's stories

Part 24

So many different universes, so many different possibilities. And in some loves Sigyn and their different stories. Pictures and brief information have been written about some of these possibilities.But what is her full story, we don't know. But we can spin them further in our thoughts ^^

The whole project here serves to show the possibilities and potential that Sigyn would have had within the Marvel Universe. How she could have been reintroduced, her story made new and more exciting. #JusticeForSigyn stands for creating Sigyn content because Marvel doesn't give us any.

Inspired by @fauna-and-mythos @dailylogyn @dank-art @jonquilclegane @sigynthevictorious @thewitchysystem @shenanigans-and-imagines @sigynoffidelity @timeladyjamie @therese-lokidottir @puckwritesstuff @sigynappreciation @sigyn-obsessed @ellecaterina @roruna @sigyndottir @marvelentertainment @mistress-of-words

Queen of destiny

After the blood magic has destroyed Sigyn's entire life, she too sits on the throne as Queen of Vanaheim while Jotunheim declares war on her. She is determined to save her people and stop Jotunheim from taking the cities of Atlantia and Solis. But the fight against Jotunheim is just the beginning: Ancient powers have awakened in the shadows, bringing with them the horrors of times long past. Now the hour has come when Sigyn must accept her destiny and fulfill the prophecy. And she has to use her blood magic, but with that her secret is no longer safe either.

The witch's curse story by @roruna

Sigyn sat alone in her chambers. She hadn't left in days. At first, she was despondent, racking her brain for a way to get him back. But the sadness gradually reshaped itself into rage. Now she daydreamed of revenge, to get him back.

She arranged candles in a circle on her floor and sat down in the center of the circle. All the candles lit themselves at once by magic. Her heart was pounding hard and her whole body was shaking. Fresh tears grew in her eyes. She wiped them away with her index finger.

"Essence of fire, burn his skin and melt his form. Essence of air, spin him round so he loses his way, abandon him when he needs to breathe. Essence of earth, break his bones, bury him deep. Essence of water, become his tears," she said, writing the name on the floor with her wet finger.

Loki.

It wasn't a proper curse. Freya, the Vanir goddess of magic and Sigyn's mother, had taught her dozens of spells and curses. This wasn't in any of the spell books she'd read. The candles were just ordinary wax things with essential oils added so they'd fill the room with a pleasant fragrance when they burned. The air smelled of roses, vanilla, lavender and honeysuckle.

She didn't draw any runes. She didn't use any of her reserves of magic energy. She didn't even use any seidr to make his name glow dramatically on the floor. But she was crying when she lit the candles. She was crying as she spoke the words. And she was crying as she wrote his name in the circle with her tears. Intent and focus are what's important when casting spells.

Her body felt drained when put the candles out and stepped out of the circle. She wiped her face and she dropped into a dreamless sleep when her head touched the pillow. Just outside her chambers, servants were bustling about preparing Asgard's palace for Thor's coronation.

The child of a thousand wonders

Sigyn returns to Asgard from Nidavellir. She is to study and live in a school for magic until her mother returns from Feuerrisen Krigen and has clarified all matters there. Meanwhile, Sara's father dies under tragic circumstances.

He dies and leaves behind her, her sisters and mother. Sigyn only survives the difficult times because she has so much imagination and imagines what it will be like when her life is back on track. What she doesn't know is that she has an unknown friend who will help her and stand by her to make her happy again.

Sigyn goddess of forbidden love by @jonquilclegane

Once upon a time in the realm of Asgard, Sigyn was not just an ordinary maiden, but a valiant Valkyrie. She possessed grace, strength, and a heart filled with compassion. Sigyn had dedicated her life to the honorable duty of guiding fallen warriors to their rightful place in Valhalla.

However, fate had a different plan for Sigyn. Unbeknownst to her fellow Valkyries, she had fallen deeply in love with Loki, the mischievous god of trickery. Their hearts intertwined in secrecy, for such love was forbidden, as Loki's actions had often caused chaos and strife among the realms.

Sigyn's love for Loki was a bittersweet torment, for she was torn between her devotion to her duty as a Valkyrie and the longing in her heart. She would watch him from a distance, her heart aching, as he played his tricks and schemes, always keeping her true feelings hidden away.

One day, as Sigyn ventured through the realms, she came across a group of fallen warriors who had perished in a battle. Her duty compelled her to gather them and lead them to Valhalla. As she approached the fallen, she noticed among them a wounded warrior, his armor tarnished and his spirit weakened. To her surprise, it was Loki himself, wounded and vulnerable.

The conflict within Sigyn reached its zenith. Her love for Loki and her duty as a Valkyrie clashed with equal force. Her fellow Valkyries watched as she stood there, torn between her heart's desire and her responsibility.

In that moment, Sigyn made a decision that would change her fate and the fate of Loki forever. She dropped her spear, a symbol of her duty, and knelt beside Loki. She cradled his battered form in her arms, ignoring the gasps of her fellow Valkyries. With each touch, her love for him grew stronger, and a wave of compassion washed over her.

Sigyn looked into Loki's weary eyes and spoke words that resonated with love and determination. "No longer will I deny my heart, Loki. I am ready to face the consequences of our forbidden love. For love knows no boundaries and can transform even the most mischievous soul."

As the Valkyries watched in astonishment, Sigyn, the Valkyrie who had forsaken her duty, rose with Loki in her arms and vanished into the unknown. The realm of Asgard fell into a state of bewilderment, for a Valkyrie had chosen love over her sacred oath.

In the realms beyond, Sigyn and Loki created a life of their own, where their love blossomed, unfettered by the laws of the gods. Their journey was not without challenges, but together they faced them with unwavering devotion.

Though Sigyn had forsaken her position as a Valkyrie, her heart remained filled with compassion. She used her newfound freedom to bring solace to those in need, offering aid and redemption to lost souls who had strayed from the path of righteousness.

The gods of Asgard, witnessing the purity and strength of Sigyn's love, reconsidered their judgments. Slowly, they began to understand that love could heal even the most broken of spirits. The forbidden love between Sigyn and Loki became a tale whispered among the gods, a reminder that the power of love could transcend all boundaries.

And so, Sigyn, once a Valkyrie bound by duty, became a symbol of love's triumph over adversity. Her story would echo through the ages, inspiring others to follow their hearts, even in the face of the greatest challenges.

Don't forget love

Young Loki, an adopted son of Odin, of unknown origin and the highest magic in Asgard, receives a dangerous assignment: he and his brother Thor are to free prisoners of war from captivity on Midgard in Garda. While fleeing, he falls in love with the women of Sigyn the freed, but she is already married. Nevertheless, over the years he becomes the confidant of the young woman and wins victories over victories with Tho. And the blemish of his birth is finally revealed. Whereupon Loki leaves Asgard. But Sigyn has to realize with horror that her most dangerous enemy is far from defeated, and when she and her husband leave for Asgard for Thor's coronation, both are attacked and her husband is murdered, but that's not all, this fate will have fruitful consequences...

All good and bad things come in threes

There are days that turn your entire life upside down. Do you know days like that? Even those days when you lose your job in the morning and own a magical bookshop in Ireland at night?

No?

Well, I didn't know that either.

What I learned today:

1. I am not a human, I am a goddess and no one knows what else I am.

2.I have magic, but I have no idea how it works.

3.I'm in danger, have a husband I never knew about and only the bookshop in Ireland can protect me.

This is Rose's (Sigyn) new life and this Odinson who's supposed to be her husband doesn't make it any easier for her either.

TVA File 775

The TVA is in a state of emergency and a group of Agents and Hunters are tasked with reopening an old case, TVA File 775 codenamed "Ferguson". You set to work with mixed feelings and even return to the scene of the action, the island whose rugged beauty still amazes you, but where Hunter S-16 spent a difficult childhood. Which she doesn't remember, she doesn't remember her life before the TVA at all. And the game begins and nobody's life is safe anymore!

The broken promise

Loki: You give every one of your belongings to even the lowest scum or upstart

Sigyn: Everyone should be heard and understood

Loki: Understood, these are Sigyn low beings. They should not be understood but mastered

Sigyn: That's exactly why many fear you, because the way you think about them makes you unpredictable

Loki: You're talking about everyone should have a say

Sigyn: What's so bad about showing them is so bad about showing them respect for your opinions and ideas?

Loki: Enough of this discussion, you are my wife and you have to stand behind me in the first place behind all my decisions!

Sigyn: I stand behind you, but I'm not your puppet

The girl at the end of time by @jonquilclegane

In the wake of Ragnarok, the cataclysmic event that brought an end to the known universe, Sigyn found herself standing alone amidst the vast emptiness of the void. As the girl at the end of time, she witnessed the devastation that had consumed everything she had ever known. Her heart was heavy with grief and the weight of her solitude.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and Sigyn wandered through the desolate remains, searching for signs of life. But the universe seemed devoid of hope, with no trace of any other survivors. She felt the weight of the loss, mourning the fallen gods and mortals who had once inhabited the vibrant realms.

As Sigyn reached the point of despair, contemplating her existence as the solitary being at the edge of nothingness, a glimmer of light caught her attention. In the darkest corner of the void, she discovered a group of individuals huddled together, clinging to the remnants of their shattered existence.

Hope ignited within Sigyn's heart as she approached the survivors. They were a diverse group, representing different species and civilizations from across the cosmos. Their eyes held a mix of relief, wonder, and exhaustion as they saw Sigyn, the girl who had emerged unscathed from the ruins of Ragnarok.

Among the survivors, Sigyn discovered a wise elder who held the knowledge of an ancient prophecy—one that spoke of a way to restart the universe, a chance to restore life and begin anew. Though the task seemed daunting, Sigyn knew that she had been chosen for a purpose beyond her comprehension.

Gathering the remaining survivors, Sigyn shared the prophecy with them, filling their hearts with renewed hope. Together, they embarked on a perilous journey, traversing the remnants of the shattered cosmos, seeking the pieces required to restart creation.

Through trials and tribulations, the group faced countless obstacles, but their determination was unwavering. Sigyn's love for the fallen gods and mortals fueled her resolve, and she became a guiding light for the survivors, encouraging them to press onward.

At the culmination of their quest, they assembled the shattered fragments, a mosaic of cosmic energy. Sigyn stepped forward, the catalyst of their endeavor, and with a single touch, she ignited the dormant energy, sending ripples of life through the void.

A burst of vibrant light enveloped the cosmos, spreading like a celestial wave, awakening the slumbering universe from its lifeless state. Stars ignited, galaxies spiraled into motion, and planets began to form. Life bloomed once more, breathing fresh energy into the tapestry of existence.

The survivors, awestruck and filled with gratitude, witnessed the rebirth of a universe they had believed lost forever. They celebrated their triumph, vowing to honor the fallen by cherishing the newfound life granted to them.

Sigyn, once the girl at the end of time, had become the harbinger of renewal. With her unwavering love and the strength of the survivors by her side, she had rewritten destiny, restoring hope and the promise of a brighter future.

Together, they set forth to build a universe where love, compassion, and harmony thrived. And as they shaped their new reality, the echoes of the fallen reverberated within their hearts, a reminder of the resilience of life and the enduring power of unity.

A relative conquest (AU)

The free-spirited Sigyn is on fire. Finally women are admitted to the university, she could study! Her parents, on the other hand, want to marry her off to young Theoric. Theoric loves the world of fragrances. He experiments with flavors and scents. He dreams of making perfumes in his own factory. Sigyn is enthusiastic and supports him against all odds. Energetically and skilfully she drives the founding of the company forward. But what about their own goals? Are her feelings strong enough for marriage? Because there's Loki, Theoric's friend. He threatens to drive a wedge between the couple. And that too, because if there's one thing Loki doesn't need in his life at all, it's a second wife.

Part 25 is in progress ^^

Here you can find the last part

[rolloollor]

Can you tell us more about their life with Mallenette

Sure!

For Malleus, I think it was important to him that Mallenette have her parents raise her. Ultimately, this falls on Rollo's lap more often than not, but he's generally a good parent and he enjoys parenting, anyway.

She doesn't have any personal attendants yet, but I was kinda planning on having the clairvoyant pig from The Black Cauldron and some Sleeping Beauty inspired character (maybe the spinning wheel?) serve her in the future. I wanted to add the pig to From the Ashes, but there wasn't really room for her. Pig fae who can see the future could be an interesting character, though... A lady spinning wheel could be neat, too. The wheel itself isn't evil, right, but it's a tool that was used to do harm.

Mallenette is definitely a little princess and is spoiled. Part of this is kind of inevitable due to her position, but I think Rollo would want to get her around other children because socializing is hugely important for development. Malleus would be like, "Why? I'm fine," but we all know he's not fine. They may arrange for a group of fae children to play with her and, once Malleus gets more comfortable with the idea, maybe she'll hang out in parks in Fleur City. But... bullying. She'll be bullied. Both sides will do it, though the fae children will be more subtle about it. Or maybe it would even be unintentional, something like, "You're five years old???? Your dad is THAT YOUNG??" The human children will be mean about her appearance. Boy is she going to scare them when she spews fire into the air.

In the end, it might be better that she understands that her being half-fae is going to cause problems for her early on. As an adult, I could see her being pretty intense and ruthless.

Malleus tries to spend as much time as possible with his little family. Since they do need their own time to bond, Rollo will sometimes leave Mallenette to Malleus. I feel like a half-fae wouldn't be able to turn into a dragon, but Malleus would bring her outside, take on his dragon form, and play with her as one. If I'm wrong and they can, then he would teach her how to fly and stuff. Rollo could watch them from a window in the castle~

Rollo's strict about bedtime, what she eats, etc. Oh and I bet he voraciously read parenting books before she was born. He definitely has a whole other journal where he took notes. I could see him chronicling his experiences as she grows up, too. It could be something lovely to remember him by when his human lifespan fails him...

But Malleus and Rollo will have at least three other children. I'd say three girls and one boy just because. Rollo would be worried that she would take a younger sibling badly (she might think, "I'm being replaced!"), but she would like it since there would be more half-fae around. Sebek is her favorite of the servants and Malleus sometimes invites the Zigvolts to the castle so she can see another fae/human family.

She has no idea what the internet is, will not have a phone, etc. Rollo may take her to a children's film, but it'd be a reshowing of an old one if it happens. It's more likely that he'd bring her to a play. Human kids she talks to who have phones of her own may show her forbidden technology/media and they would blow her mind.

[princessroyal95]

This is love (Charlotte Katakuri x Hirawashi Len) [English version]

Summary

Who can love a monster like Charlotte Katakuri? He is the son of Charlotte Linlin, known as Big Mom, and the question of the second eldest child in the family is who could love someone like him.

The idea of him falls apart when he meets a somewhat tsundere girl, but with a heart of gold that will make the commander fall in love.

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Chapter I

Whole Cake. The paradise of sweets. Who would have thought that something like this would exist? Many thought that it would only be an urban legend; however, when they hear the name of a certain person, the fear goes deep into their hearts. That person was a real monster, some thought. And she was the queen of that kingdom in the New World.

Charlotte Linlin, also known as Big Mom, was ruthless. And not only with her subordinates but also with her children. If you think she has two or three, you're wrong. She has more than eighty children, men and women willing to obey the orders of their supposed mother. Few have known their respective fathers, as Linlin married different men every year to get his children.

One, twins, triplets... It's an outrage, isn't it? This woman began to do this routine at the age of 18 and now she is around 68. A very powerful and at the same time dangerous woman having her children in her possession, some of whom are real monsters and others are little angels who wouldn't hurt a fly.

You might wonder how old the oldest one is. He is 50. And the youngest of all is only 8 years old. That is why all the citizens of that queen respect her and do everything possible to obey the great queen and the Younko. And of course, her children.

The people feared that Big Mom would have a famine attack because she did not eat sweets. She had a great obsession with sugar that would attack anyone who did not give her such candy or would eat the person. That's why everyone worked together to keep the queen happy and content with her children.

However, the one they had to respect was the three commanders of Sweet City. Three characters who were true monsters in themselves. And their reward is so high that they surpass even Monkey D. Luffy. If at any time you meet them, you'd better run away because they'd show you no mercy.

Charlotte Smoothie, the only woman in that group was a very dangerous woman. She was a beautiful girl of a human mix and long legs. A rather dangerous combination for those who face her. And she was Big Mom's fourteenth child.

Charlotte Cracker, also known as "Cracker the Thousand Arms", Big Mom's tenth child. Do not confront him because he will play with you and then finish his enemy once and for all.

And finally, the most important of all the brothers, the second son of Big Mom and the eldest of the triplets, the man who perfectly dominated the three types of Haki and that all the people fear. Charlotte Katakuri, the right hand of the queen of Totto Land and the most serious and calm of all her brothers.

And speaking of the King of Rome, Katakuri was in the training camp together with her twin brothers Daifuku and Oven. He was simply watching his two brothers who were striving to be better than him. The latter made him laugh. No human being could beat him. No one could defeat him. He was almost like a God, a perfect Big Mom creation. Those words echoed in his head and more so if they came from his little sister Brûlée. A knock on the floor woke up the oldest of the three watching as Oven was knocked down by the genius of Daifuku.

"That's no good," shouted Oven furiously as he rose from the floor. "You've used your Devil's Fruit!"

"Oh, was that forbidden?"

"Yes, you idiot!"

Why did those two come out so stupid and so proud of their strength? Katakuri was, on the contrary. He never underestimated an enemy for his strength or his intelligence.

"What did you cheat, Katakuri?!" Oven looked at his brother with a serious look on his face.

"If you don't improve your skills Oven, you will be at a disadvantage with your enemy," he commented, leaving his back to the wall and then walking to his brothers, "Devil's Fruit or no Devil's Fruit, we will all be at a disadvantage."

"He's right about our big brother.

"I don't care!"

Being the youngest of the three, he had a warrior's spirit, something Katakuri admired in his brother. He sighed a little, not wanting to talk anymore. He felt somewhat exhausted after seeing the fight of these two who were still arguing about who was the stronger of the two. Not to mention his brother Katakuri who was special.

There was no more discussion when they heard a light bell alerting them and not only them, but the other brothers who were scattered all over the city. That sound was familiar to them and they knew what it meant - lunchtime!

Katakuri put on his scarf trying to tempt his mouth when it came to food. He, like his brothers and his mother, food was the main thing. And if they were sweet, better than better.

"Come on, brothers! Before the others get ahead of us!" Oven started walking followed by his other brothers. It seemed as if he was the leader of the ringleader and he wasn't really like that.

"Mamamamamama! How nice it looks!"

That characteristic laugh came from Big Mom who was proudly watching the sweets prepared by his special chef. And she wasn't the only one. All her children were with their mouths open, already looking forward to eating those sweets. Some were impatient, others were calm and serene, not showing any emotion.

"You can start eating!" The mother of all of them gave the order and they did not hesitate to devour the food.

The men, the children and some women did not stop devouring this exquisite food. That touch of sugar that the chef gave to make it so amazing. However, there are ladies within the family who preferred to eat with some peace of mind and without choking. Charlotte Pudding was one of them; she was so nice to her brothers, but she was bipolar. It was as if she had the devil himself inside her that made her want to control her and kill anyone who got in her way.

The one who has not yet tasted a bite is Charlotte Flampe. She only looked at her plate while listening to the sighs of her brothers tasting the food. Her mind was elsewhere. Something that caught the girl's attention and that she was completely unaware of. She looked from time to time at her mother, wondering if it was worth mentioning to her mother. He did not know what she would think if he told her.

The one who noticed such behaviour was Charlotte Perospero who came a little closer to her little sister, gently patting her head and making her wake up from her sleep.

"Flampe, little sister, you haven't had a bite. Are you sick?" Whenhe said that, everyone stopped including his mother who watched her daughter closely.

"I..."

"Is it something related to Oni-chan?" asked Brûlée knowing perfectly well the admiration the girl has for Katakuri.

"Mom, what is a circus?"

The youngest looked credulously at Flampe, finding out that it was that word that came out of his sister's mouth. The older ones said nothing, they just looked at their mother who was serious at one point, but little by little a smile spread and she began to laugh.

"Mamamamama! A circus is a place where there is fun. Children and adults enjoy watching those pathetic idiots throw knives at people to see if they get hit or not. They think they are extremely powerful, but they are not. They're just idiots who use people like us to give them more satisfaction and to make people laugh".

Silence. That's what we got in the big dining room. All the children said nothing because they were all really monsters in the eyes of any normal human. And not only because of their sizes, but also because of the imperfections each one of them had. Big Mom cared a little about that, they are his children, after all, but he mistreats them when he can.

"Why do you ask such a stupid question, Flampe?"

"It's just that in Sweet City I saw a big sign that a circus was coming to town."

"Really?" The youngsters' eyes lit up.

"Yes."

"Can we go, Mom?!"

"Why? So those idiots can see you and kidnap you to do whatever you want?" Big Mom had a great hatred for circuses.

"Oh mum, you're exaggerating," said Smoothie drinking from his cup, "give the kids a chance to have fun, it's a special occasion for them.

"Please, Mom!"

Linlin took a large piece of cake from his mouth as he felt gastric juices coming out of his mouth, causing the whole table to burn with the juices. The children knew what it meant. She was getting angry, that's why they kept their heads down without saying anything.

For Smoothie it was something normal in his mother, and for the older ones even. Katakuri watched the little ones, disappointed in knowing that they would not go to see the circus they wanted to see so badly. He wished he could say something to his mother, but it was better to be quiet knowing the situation Big Mom was in.

"And I wanted to see the strongest woman in the whole Grand Line."

Big Mom's eyes went to Flampe when he said that. Woman? Stronger? Of all the Grand Line? Is that possible? What does she look like? Is she a warrior? A warrior who could be the future wife of one of his sons. Many things were going through her mind. She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them and hit the table hard, alerting everyone.

"If they are kind enough to invite us, maybe we can go to the circus." The children's faces went to one of happiness. "However, if they don't invite us," with her own hand she broke a glass demonstrating her fury, "they will be devoured by me! Mamamamama!"

Let us only hope that those people, who organized the circus, will be able to invite the great queen of Totto Land.

Not far from the kingdom, a ship was sailing in the direction of her destination. The wind was blowing the sails of the ship hard, showing its great innate beauty. The crew watched the kingdom from afar and knew perfectly what would await them. But they were sure that they would satisfy Big Mom with their cooking skills. They became rigid when they heard the footsteps of their captain who watched the pirates, or rather his large family, or nakamas, closely.

"Listen to me well! We are approaching Whole Cake and we all know very well that the Younkou is there with her 85 children," said the captain looking at each of his crew who were tense, "we are the biggest circus in history and we have to make them enjoy it to the fullest! We are Funtime Circus! Be proud to be in this crew!"

"Yes, my captain!" they all shouted, posing as a marine, respecting their captain's words.

"Each of you go to your posts, we are very close to boarding!"

His words resounded throughout the ship and the entire crew went to their posts ready to board. The captain returned to the helm and steered it towards Whole Cake. He looked out of the corner of his eye at a young girl who was admiring the ocean and the candy kingdom. She never imagined she would arrive at such a splendid place. Her fringes, which decorate her forehead, matched the wind as did her coat, which reached her knees. Her black skirt also danced, making her most intimate clothes a little more visible.

A drop of sweat slipped down the captain's temple wondering how that girl is not ashamed to wear those clothes. Maybe it didn't bother her at all or that's what he wants to think.

"Have you ever been to Whole Cake?" asked the captain, drawing the young woman's attention.

"No, really," she answered, looking at her captain, "and you?"

"When my father was a baker at Big Mom, but when he died I left. That place is too corrupt because of that woman. No one is happy there because they have to put up with the Youkou."

"Or is it because you don't like sweets, Captain Lurke?" Low blow.

"Look who's talking! When you see the chocolate, you can't even stand it!"

"That's what you get when you're a girl who loves chocolate and food above all." The young woman licked her lips trying to imagine the dishes she will taste when she gets there.

"You know you can't eat meat, right?"

"Does everyone eat candy there?!"

"Yes, they do. And I don't think any of them have got cavities."

The young woman's eyes lit up completely, she was going to be in bloody heaven! She ran to the centre where the vast majority of the crew were and shouted:

"Come on, you lazybones! Don't waste your time! The sweets are waiting for me!"

"Len! I remind you that I'm the captain!"

"And I remind you that I am 'The Bearded Vulture'!"

"As if I care! Have respect for your captain!"

The pirates laugh uncontrollably at such behaviour by both. It wasn't that they got along badly, they were like brothers taking care of each other. But when they argued, they were like children. Young Len was a girl who was always happy and would do anything to protect her friends. Although the crew knew perfectly well that, if they made her angry, she would throw them overboard herself to be devoured by sea monsters.

The young woman with the brown hair went overboard admiring the great city that was present. These houses made of candy encouraged the young woman to try them out one by one. But she had to control herself, as it was a city, but a sweet one. This idea was so tempting for her. This would be a great adventure for young Len.

The people of the city watched as that great ship arrived at the dock, where the sailors helped them to board. They dropped anchor and threw the ropes that were tied by the citizens. The children shouted loudly when they saw the big banner. It was them! Funtime Circus! The young people ran home in a hurry to tell their parents that they were already here. That they wanted to see them because it was the first time they had seen them.

Each member of the crew went down, taking the things they needed to set up the circus. But it was not going to be inside a tent but rather it was outdoors where everyone could enjoy the show from their homes or seats. The young people applauded loudly as they watched people perform amazing acrobatics to impress them. Even a fairly young girl made sweets appear and threw them at them.

A large, burly man appeared with a large box where he left it on the floor. The children wondered who would come next. And it was Captain Lurke himself who was going to give a great talk in front of everyone present.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Children of all ages! I am Captain Lurke and this is my crew!" Everybody applauds loudly. "We are Funtime Circus and we have come for you all to enjoy the great show! You are all invited!" Everyone shouts happily knowing that the entrance is free. "That's if the food and drink won't be free." Laughter could be heard everywhere. "And besides, I invite the Charlotte family to have a great time because our circus is unique and exclusive! The food is free for them! Tomorrow will be a great day!"

Flampe and her younger brothers heard the invitation and could not resist running to the castle and telling their mother. The 15 year old was very happy to hear that. It was the first time that she was going to a circus together with her younger brothers.

However, a doubt arose in her head: what will this girl be like? Will she be as strong as her brother Katakuri? Or is she simply a sham? She didn't know for sure, that's why she wants to go and check if there is someone stronger than her older brother or like Smoothie.

The little ones arrived at the castle by opening the doors in a hurry and running to their mother who was at a meeting with the commanders and their children Oven, Daifuku, Perospero and Compote.

"Mommy! Mommy!" The children shouted loudly for Big Mom's attention, who was only looking furiously at those tadpoles.

"Can't you see your mother is at an important meeting?!"

"Mommy's here!" shouted Flampe with emotion.

"Who are they?"

"The people from the circus!" spoke Dragée hugging his brother Dolce.

"And the captain has said that the Charlotte family is invited to his show!"

"And the food is free for us!"

A big smile spread on Big Mom's lips as she stood up to hear the news. Her huge laugh spread throughout the room alerting those present and the soldiers of the great mother.

"Wow, I see you remembered me." She pointed to Flampe. "When?"

"Tomorrow, Mama."

"Oh, Mother, are you going to that stupid circus?" complained Oven, receiving a murderous look from his own mother.

"I promised them a ride if they invited us." The eight-metre woman approached the youngsters, stroking their heads with her own fingers.

"So does that include us?" spoke Cracker in shock.

"We've all been invited!" shouted Linlin, raising her arms. "I want to see their ridiculous tricks and have a good laugh! Mamamamama!"

The only one who didn't like the idea was Katakuri. How many hours did they have to be there? He knew perfectly well that he couldn't skip snack time. Oh, he remembered. He looked at his watch and it was about ten minutes to three. He walked to the exit door, not without hearing the words of his little sister Flampe:

"I want to see the strongest girl in the whole Grand Line!

A doubt reared its head in the commander's mind, what will that girl be like?

The big day arrived. The day when everyone will see the great Circus Funtime show. Everyone will see the wonders these characters will perform. Even the children were so excited that they threw their parents out to get the best seats and see them up close. The show was going to be held in Sweet City, the biggest and most important city in Whole Cake.

Behind the curtains was a somewhat nervous captain with so many people. He was already in worse situations, but doing a great show for the Charlotte family was one of his biggest fears. He was afraid of failing his crew by not doing their job properly. More importantly, where the hell was that family? That hurt Lurke in an abysmal way that he kept walking back and forth, making him even more nervous.

"Captain stop, you're making us all nervous" spoke a young woman as she ate a small piece of candy.

"I just don't see them!" Lurke peeped out to see if they were already there, but they weren't.

"Maybe they don't like the circus," said the burly man as he stroked his velvety moustache.

"Don't give me false hope, Makok!"

The one who was calm, at that very moment, was Len. Since she joined Lurke's crew, she could perfectly hold the gaze of all those people who were amazed by her show. Maybe she was not ashamed to show how she really was. Both in her personality and in her clothes. Every minute that passed, she was fixing her hair undoing and making again her chignon. She did not like to leave it loose as, for her, it was a mere distraction for any man.

She would move her arms and legs, taking away all the tension in her body, wanting to be as relaxed as possible. It was just an act, what is there to fear? It was true that she had heard horrible stories about the Charlotte family, like, for example, that Big Mom was a man-eater. Or that their children were real monsters. A small laugh escaped her lips. Monsters? They don't really know what the word monster means.

She heard some small steps coming and it was another young girl who arrived a little tired. She approached her captain to announce something:

"Captain, the Charlotte family is already here."

"What?!" Lurke peeked out again and, indeed, there they were. It was as if they were waiting for someone to tell them where their seat was. "Bring me the Den Den Mushi immediately! Hurry!"

Len was amused to see him a little nervous about the situation. Although it had to be admitted that it had to be understood. She was going to show that family what a crew like them would be capable of.

Meanwhile, outside the curtains, the young people of the family were excited that they could not move around. They wanted to sit already in their respective seats or wanted to be close to the theatre; however, there were many children already in front.

"Big Mom?"

The Youkou heard someone calling her and he was a handsome man in any woman's eyes. Almost all of Youkou's daughters fainted because of the beauty in front of her eyes. Linlin only smiled with pleasure that someone so handsome was talking to her in that way.

"It's me."

"We have a great seat and a great view for you and your children," the young man spoke and then looked at the little ones, "and your children will be in the front row to see our show.

"Mamamamamama! All right, lead the way."

"As you wish."

"As I would like to be beautiful for that boy," said Brûlée almost crying inside.

"Oh, sister, don't say that." Pudding encouraged her sister not to have a little fit of anguish.

The younger members of the Charlotte family followed the young man when he left the older ones in a VIP room for them. Or was it VIP because they were surrounded by sweets, something Linlin loved. It seems that this circus took him very seriously when it came to someone important like the Youkou.

The children were in the first row with their respective seats. Chairs decorated with cushioned pillows, but not high enough for the other children to see the show perfectly.

Everything was ready for the show to start. Lurke counted countless times before leaving. His heart started pumping strongly as he left, being watched by all of them. The silence was present. Only a few small steps by the captain were present at the site. He approached the large microphone already ready to announce his words. "I hope everything will be all right", he thought again and again.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Children of all ages! Welcome to the great show of Funtime Circus!"

The show was about to begin.

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Introduction.

Chapter II.

[wretcheddthing]

tell me abt ur tav!!! for the questions meme u can do uhhh all the prime numbers?

!!!!!!!! easiest task done in the world I'm doing this for Venali who is the light of my life

edit: Under the cut bc i didn't realize how long i made it oops

alos just realized this said prime numbers and not just. all the odd ones. oops a Second time. i stand by it tho

Where in the Faerûn is your Tav from? Rivington! But her father lived in Baldur's Gate (Lower City) and she would stay with him for about a week every month

3. Race and subclass? Human wild magic sorcerer :)

5. Dark Urge or no? Not this one but given her backstory it sure would be fun! If not just the worst possible follow up thing that could happen to her.

7. Romantically close with? Gale :) I have a character for romancing each of the romance options and I thought it would be funny for Gale to fall in love with someone who can just Do magic naturally because wizard ego or whatever. But then her backstory and development just kind of. Took over itself before I even had a good sense of Gale's character and they ended up complimenting each other very well.

9. Is your Tav from Baldur's Gate? Why are they traveling there? She Is but her whole thing is she (and 3 friends) became a sorcerer after running into a real shithead of an unknowable entity (sorta like a warlock deal without any actual deal - magic is still something that happened to her, not something she sought). Tried getting help from any magic-user she could find in getting information on What did this to her and her friends but they were always like "Ew no that knowledge is super forbidden you can't know it you're not a wizard only cool wizards can access the forbidden wizard tomes bc only wizards are good at magic. Which you are not."

So she started lying. Figured out a grift, crafted a new identity, started presenting herself as someone who formerly had no interest in magic and has "no innate ability" just deciding to teach herself something new and discovering she's super good at wizardry. A late blooming prodigy, if you will (didn't know Gale was a prodigy when I decided this was a core aspect of Ven's character but that makes it more fun 2 me). So now wizards super like her and something important to this whole thing is she has heightened memory, especially good at recalling symbols and long passages of text. But she got really good at just lying to and charming people and they'd be like "Hey your skill and research is so good wanna come check out my private collection?" and she'd be like "Yes I was hoping you'd say that." bc wizard collections have forbidden knowledge sometimes and that's what she needs! to! see!

Anyway to ansewr the actual question. Probably was going to go to a wizard party or something.

11. Weapon of choice? Quarterstaff!

13. What are their thoughts on killing? Is it a necessary evil or do they enjoy it? Definitely no enjoyment in it, but she's done a fair bit of exploring following whatever leads she has on The Thing. That often led her into some dangerous situations where she's had to protect herself. This deal with the tadpole is no different.

15. What NPC's do they like? Which one's do they dislike? She honestly loves everyone in camp and a few of the people who come hang out. She actively despises The Emperor and will antagonize him as much as she can while still toeing the line of keeping his protection. She hates the guy, that doesn't mean he's not useful. Also, y'know, like. All of the villains (she Is good-aligned)

17. Do they enjoy life as an adventurer? Not even a little bit! But she's convinced herself it's something she has to do to either get rid of her magic entirely or at the VERY VERY least get a handle on the wild magic surges. The whole thing really fucked up her plans of just studying history and having a relatively quiet life. And she's nothing if not resolute!

19. How do you think they'll meet their end? I haven't considered this even one time before and the mere thought of it is enough to drive me Mad. I will b thinking about it for the rest of the night that is a promise

21. What is your Tav's favorite spell? WALL OF FIRE. Wall of fire has been the easiest way out of Anything Ever and by the time she's a high enough level to make seriously effective use of it Gale has mostly convinced her of the beauty and utility of magic (that's right we're seeing Active Character Development of her In!! Game!!)

23. What do they do after the absolute crisis? First thing's first she's getting married and taking a Break for a bit. And after she's had time to gather her thoughts, she'll revisit if she wants to continue her personal mission or accept how she's changed. It could go either way, but there is reason to continue and that is her friends are still affected and she promised to help them. It might start with finding them after the whole Absolute thing and touching base.

25. What arcana major best represents your Tav? I go back on forth on like. Some. But mostly between Death and The Tower. Not necessarily a bad thing for either.

27. What was their life like before the events of BG3? I think I've covered most of it already, actually. Wanted to be a historian, was doing a project to help get accepted to a scholarly program, brought eight friends into a ruin she was studying, left with 4 and wild magic she didn't want, couldn't get info, started lying about being really good at wizardry, used this persona to get into exclusive archives and collections to find info on what gave her magic bc it's "forbidden", became an adventurer as a side effect to her personal mission, hell yeah.

29. Does your Tav want to utilize the tadpole powers or not? She doesn't even want the magic she uses daily. She bullies The Emperor for even Suggesting it.

[useless-catalanfacts]

Alexia and Barca participated in a flower laying ceremony today. I was reaching out to see if you could explain what the ceremony is for please? I don’t know much about Catalonia and it’s history but I’m trying to better educate myself after visiting Barcelona

(Sorry for the late answer.)

Yes! That was the annual flower offering to the statue of Rafael Casanova in homage of the defenders of Barcelona.

1. The history: 1714

Rafael Casanova was a general who led the defence of Barcelona during the siege in the end of the War of the Spanish Succession (to sum up very quickly, the war in which Spain invaded the Catalan Countries and Aragon because they were arguing about the dynasty that should be in the monarchy), in the year 1714. The Siege of Barcelona was at the very end of the war, when almost all the country had been occupied by the Spanish and French troops (France was allied with Spain), but Barcelona being the capital city, it was important that it resisted. The siege was very cruel for the population: they were being bombed and they had run out of food months before it ended, people were left homeless and had to eat rats and even eat the corpses of people who died in the bombs.

Still, the population of Barcelona resisted until the very last minute it was possible. On the 11th of September of 1714, the Spanish and French troops attacked the baluards and entered the city, and conquered it. This had horrible results for the population. On the political side, Spain militarily occupied Catalonia and considered it theirs by right of conquest, so they made the "Nueva Planta decrees" which abolished the Catalan institutions and laws and imposed the Spanish institutions and absolute monarchy "appointed by God" (Catalonia didn't have an absolute monarchy before this), imposed Spanish governors as the rulers, prohibited the use of Catalan language in official documents (only Spanish or Latin was allowed), Catalan people were forced to pay very high taxes to pay for their own occupation and were forced to host the Spanish troops in their homes, Catalans were forced to give a big part of their harvest to be food for the Spanish army's horses, Catalans were forbidden for having weapons (even kitchen knives had to be chained to the table), and a long etc.

When it comes to the population, the Spanish occupation made sure to punish as many as possible. For example, dozens of villages and cities were burned down after the had already been occupied, not as part of the war but as part of the punishment.

This map shows the places that were burned down -when it says “crema”-, whose inhabitants were massacred -when it says “massacre”-, and when it says “delme de forca” it means a kind of repression that the Spanish king Philip V used only against Catalans in which one tenth of the prisoners were chosen randomly to be executed.

The local leaders of the resistance were executed, and often through humiliating ways. One of the most famous examples is the general Josep Moragues i Mas, who was captured and put on trial and tortured, and was sentenced to death. He was executed in 1715, and nowadays maybe we would think that the bad thing is to be killed and not so much how you’re killed, but in the 18th century respecting honour was very important, even with your enemies, and he was humiliated because of that. He was forced to wear a penitent’s shirt and be barefoot and was dragged alive through the floors of Barcelona, tied to the horse that was taking him to the gallows. There, on top of what he had been put through, he was executed publicly with no recognition of his rank nor military honours, which is a huge punishment in the culture of the time. Then, he was beheaded and his body was then cut into pieces. His head was put inside a cage and displayed above one of the main entrance gates to Barcelona (Portal de Mar) with an inscription in Latin that said “Josep Moragues, for having committed the crime of a repeated rebellion, having abused twice of royal clemency, finally, the third time he was imprisoned and executed by justice” in reference to him resisting until the end of the war. His widowed wife spent years asking for mercy so that the authorities would take his head out of that public exhibition place. In the end, they agreed to take down his head in 1727, after 12 years of being exposed.

This is just to give an image of how the defeat affected the Catalan people. For this reason, the events of 1714 are highly symbolic to us, because they represent the moment that our independence was lost and the beginning of the repression of our culture, language and identity. For this same reason, the 11th of September (the day that Barcelona lost the siege, in that same 1714) is Catalonia’s national day, in commemoration of the fight that isn’t over.

2. The statue: made, lost, and found

In the 1880s, the Barcelona city hall was preparing to host the 1888 Universal Exposition. For this event, cities build avenues and buildings to hold the exposition that somehow represent their history. Barcelona made an avenue and commissioned statues of important men of Catalonia’s history: intellectuals, artists, statesmen, etc. One of them was this statue to Rafael Casanova, which represented a homage to all the Catalans who fought to defend the city and country in the War of Spanish Succession.

Ever since it was set up, people went to bring flowers to the statue. Then, in 1897, left-wing pro-Catalan organizations established the annual tradition of bringing flower offerings every 11th of September.

People gather around Rafael Casanova’s statue and cover it in flower crowns. 11th of September, 1914.

It wasn’t always easy. In 1901, the offering had become important enough that the police arrested people with the only accusation of having laid flowers to the statue. And it only got worse with Primo de Rivera’s dictatorship of Spain (1923-1930), a proto-fascist dictatorship with Catalanophobia as one of its pilars. The dictatorship prohibited the use of the Catalan language, prohibited exhibiting the Catalan flag, and any public display of Catalan identity. Any disobeying was harshly repressed, so for this reason, the flower offering was stopped.

As soon as that dictatorship ended, people went to make the flower offering again, with more participants than ever. But that only lasted until 1938, because in 1939 another Catalanophobic fascist dictatorship started: Franco’s (1939-1978). This dictatorship took down all the monuments that had to do with Catalan history or identity, as well as all leftist symbols. They took away the statue and destroyed the gardens where it was placed, but that night people filled the (now empty) place with flowers and someone left a sign that said “ja creixeràs”, which in Catalan means “your time to grow will come”. To avoid this action to repeat, the police watched the monument the following night.

Many statues around the city (and country) were destroyed by the dictatorship, only 5 bronze statues were saved in all of Barcelona, one of which was this, thanks to some city hall officials who argued that these ones were property of the city hall (unlike others that were property of unions, parties or organizations), and so the statue was kept away in a storehouse. Fearing that the fascists would destroy the statue even if it was not in a public space, they built a brick wall to hide the statue, and the statue was “lost” until after the dictatorship had ended.

In 1976, right after the dictator’s death, a committee from Catalonia’s Art Museum went to this storehouse and took the statues that were hidden there. But they realised that what the building looked like outside and inside didn’t match, and eventually found out the secret hiding place.

In 1977, they placed the statue back on the streets, in the place where Rafael Casanova had gotten shot in the battle of the Siege of Barcelona.

11th of September, 1977. A massive demonstration in favour of Catalonia’s sovereignty was held in Barcelona.

Since then, pro-Catalan unions, associations, parties, sports clubs, and many other kinds of civic associations bring a flower offering every 11th of September.

Barça football club takes part in the flower offering since the year 1919.

[triscribeaucollection]

We Can Be Miracles

aka the “Soulmarks are exchanged upon first touch with someone who is or will become very important to you” Star Wars AU I’ve got simmering

---

It took a while for Jango to realize the greater implications.

When he first picked up Boba out of the infant’s drained growth tank, his hands were gloved. He dried the boy off with a couple of soft towels, wiping away lingering fluid, listened with pride when little lungs got their first deep breath and wailed. Yeah, it grated on human ears a bit, but that noise? That noise was strong and healthy.

Jango got his son situated on a molded tray, to swaddle him up properly before the walk back to his- to their, quarters. But first- first he did the same as Jaster once did for him, the same as any Mandalorian parent did for a child in their care, be it by birth or adoption.

(He’d left so much of being a Mandalorian behind, after Galidraan. What little remained deserved to be done right.)

One glove came off. The other remained on, to gently catch Boba’s pudgy little wrist, holding it in place so Jango’s bare thumb could come down and press against the back of his son’s hand. And when he lifted it away-

When it came away...

They shared flesh and blood. Identical down to the DNA. All the other clones would undergo modifications, besides Boba and another baseline model one of the scientists asked permission to create. Genetically the same, and yet- on the back of Boba’s hand, a shimmering blue oval remained behind, shot through with hard silver lines. Jango’s soulmark. And he, too, gained a vivid runi’aliik: nearly an identical pattern, though with dark green, and the lines more grey than silver.

“We’ll get some paint in the same shade,” Jango promised his son, as he carried the drowsing infant through the sterile white halls of Tipoca City. “For your armor. Going to be a while, until then, but that just gives me more time to find the perfect mixture.”

Elsewhere in the cloning levels, more infants were being decanted, too far away for him to hear their own first deep breaths and wails of life.

And Jango didn’t realize. Not for three whole years.

---

“Bu-bu!”

Automatically smiling, Jango set his helmet aside and knelt, barely far enough past the threshold for the door to slide shut behind him. Boba immediately crashed into his outstretched arms, giggling when Jango scooped him up and blew a muja-kiss against the side of his face. “What are you doing here, you little rascal? Ducking lessons?”

“Noooo,” Boba protested, voice still filled with laughter. “Had’ta show One-one!”

“What?”

A slight scuff yanked Jango’s attention to one side, towards the bedroom doors. He kicked himself for not noticing the intruder sooner, but- well. It wasn’t as if the clone, barely any larger than Boba, could possibly be a threat. For that matter, it shrank away when Jango rose to his full height, eyes wide with alarm and clearly aware of being in a forbidden area.

“Boba,” Jango said darkly. “What is this?”

“One-one,” his son answered, as unconcerned as if he’d just brought a tooka kitten into their home. “Gotta show him, Bu-bu! The runi!”

That drew Jango up short.

Evidently aware that its well-being hung in the balance, the clone stuck out an arm for display. The tunic sleeve rode up past the wrist, just enough for Jango to see the clear shape of a little hand, filled in with the same green and grey colors as his own soulmark. Then Boba lifted up his hand, and the whole thing, from palm to fingertip, had been covered over by layers of vibrant red and purple, rippled like pond water when one skipped a pebble across the surface.

Jango couldn’t say how, exactly, he ended up on his knees. He found he couldn’t say much of anything, to be honest. No outstanding emotions presented themselves either, nothing to conveniently focus on - just a low, thrumming roar in his ears, and a far distant voice: what have you done, son?

---

It had just been business. Creating soldiers, creating droids, in effect. Capable of thought and higher learning, with the ability to adapt as needed, not hindered by the need of a control ship hovering in orbit.

They weren’t supposed to have souls.

[mari-lair]

do you have any lore behind the designs you did for Aoi and Akane in the demon and angel au because you said Aoi was a bug type demon?

(the designs: Here)

I do! :D

Aoi is a monster that rarely leaves her lair, which is a huge underground labyrinth, she is blind in bright places, so her home is total darkness. Isolated from it all. She knows almost everything, what her bugs see above, she too can see. She is not lonely exactly, but she can get bored quickly, so she occasionally lures people in to play with them.

At first, she hoarded tons of gold and gems to use as lure, but nowadays her mere existence seems to be enough to make people want to find her, intrigued by this supposedly breathtakingly beautiful creature that resides in complete darkness.

She is very strange but kind, in her own way. She has a soft spot for humans, can help them even, but only if she likes the individual, if she doesn't, she’ll turn her visitor into food for her favorite bugs. She's usually very helpful, and mysterious, so many humans created legends about her, worshiping her. She was a creature as feared as she was loved.

Teru is the head of a very important church, an angel chosen to look after this city until it died. Every city gets assigned a guardian angel that chose a human to become its leader, protecting the city while the chosen human improves themselves.

Akane is who Teru chose to train, they have grown closer with time. Too close. There has been an increase in tension over time because Teru fell in love, which is forbidden for an angel, so he has been more distant, trying to keep it professional, and put himself on a figurative leash.

Akane thinks the tension is his fault. He likes teru, have for a while, and it isn’t the devotion he sees in his fellow priest's eyes, it isn't sweet: He knows Teru will go away soon, and he can't let that happen. He wants to keep the angel to himself even after his training is done, clip his wings so Teru can't get back to heaven, which is an act of heresy.

Akane doesn't want to hurt Teru though, so he toys with the idea every time the angel let him touch his wings, itching to break his halo when he hears Teru talk about how much he'll miss this place when he's gone, but he always fight down this destructive urge. He still has time, after all, no need to take Teru's wings away so soon.

Teru has never been the purest of angels, many of his actions falling on the 'bad' spectrum,  but he wasn't tainted because he didn't sin. Greed? He had no goals, he follows his duties. Sloth? Never, he works hard. Gluttony?Wrath? No. Lust? Angels don't feel any sexual attraction to anything, that's never a problem. Envy? Yes, but he have learned to control it, so it wasn't a problem. Pride? It was his big weakness, but he drank a bottle of holy water every night to keep himself 'clean'.

After he fell in love he started to be greedy too, very very greedy. That's two great sins, more than a creature as holy as an angel is capable of bearing. Teru can't wash it away with holy water anymore, if he tries, his throat will burn, it's extremely painful.

When Teru notice one of his wings was turning grey he panicked, knowing he had to do his duty quickly if he don’t want to be caught, but wanting to linger around for as much as possible. His greed (which was a relatively new feeling, so he wasn't used to it) won in the end, and he tried to find a way to be healthy again and continue his mission without a hitch.

He eventually resorted to black magic to heal himself, arrogant enough to think he could do it with enough preparations and protection. It doesn't work, he drastically accelerates his corruption and nearly knocks himself out, both from physical pain and feeling overwhelmed by new, less pure, feelings and thoughts. He is ashamed of himself, even if he trusts Akane to try to help him, demoniac and all, he doesn't want to be seen, not like this, so he runs away and hides.

Akane had noticed the occasional grey feather, he pays more attention to Teru than anyone, but he never expected Teru to disappear overnight. He can’t find him anywhere and he doesn’t know what to do. He assumes he went back to heaven, which leaves a bad taste in his mouth, and he feels a mix of horrified and selfishly relieved to learn he has fallen, he is still on earth. So Akane goes on a mad hunt for him.

Without any concrete leads, Akane follows the rumor of an underground queen that sees all. He prepares himself with holy water and a lantern to guide him in the pitch darkness, not that hopeful (Akane utterly despises demons, he doesn’t trust that this one will be ‘nice’) but desperate enough to accept any help he could.

Aoi thinks he is too aggressive with her cute bugs, impatient, rude, and very arrogant. She would have destroyed him, if she wasn't interested in his story, having rarely seen angels be corrupted or priest venture down her lair.

She can't deny there was something nice about how honest Akane is. It was fun to see him try to be respectful and try not to curse her for being a demon since he need her help, but fail spectacularly. She stays out of his view, giving him purposely vague advice, promising she'll help him if he can keep her entertained for 1 day.

He agrees, only realizing later it's impossible to tell when it's day or night in her underground cave, hating the "you'll just have to trust me~" she gives him.

His lantern goes out after 4 hours and he becomes completely blind, which is when Aoi gets comfortable enough to approach and properly talk to and study him. She does start to like him quickly enough, and decides to help him, but she doesn’t tells him that, taking full advantage of this deal of theirs. She doesn't even try to hide that she's studying him like he's a peculiar toy, giving him riddles and philosophic questions with no clear answers, and freaking him out by inviting him to dance when she knows he can't see shit, much less keep up with her four arms. She finds it endearing how much he panics when she steals his glasses, even though they are useless in here.

Aoi rarely sleep, so she did not let Akane sleep through the night, wanting him to keep her entertained. It's hard but surprisingly... Not dangerous. For a demon, she was entertained by very mundane, if a bit annoying, things. And when a day passed, the bug demon did her part of the deal and let him out, giving him a moth she swore would guide him to Teru and personally guiding him to the edges of her tunnel, but not enough for sunlight to sneak in and make her visible.

Aoi respected their deal, so Akane respects her wish to remain hidden in the shadows, promising to himself to get her a gift if her moth actually leads him to teru

(Part 2)

[erwinscrybaby]

𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.

@seychellse, HI!! I'M YOUR CUPID! And i hope you like what i wrote, even though it's just the first part! too much plot, too much reader development STILL i hope you appreciate it!!! smut comes on the next part and it's gonna be YUMMY cause aizawa is YUMMY! happy valentine's day again and thanks for your patience with me!!

aizawa shouta x reader. too much plot, slight angst, parents divorcing, but also fluff, reader is kinda naïve and silly, aizawa probably ooc, forbidden relationship (student x professor).

6.826 words.

Mom and dad are getting divorced. After almost two years of homemade hell, not even you were able to be the glue keeping them together, at least, until you find your way out of this room as an independent woman.

The big serious conversation happened yesterday. Right after a fucking tiring class at the college, you got home only to find out that your efforts were in vain. Useless, thrown aside with no hesitation.

Years of wearing the mask of happiness and flawless child just to discover it changes nothing in the way your parents are not meant to be with each other.

You’ve never been as happy as people say around. Despite the light, carefree smile always on your shining lips, good grades, social interactions and nice days and night having fun with your friends, you’re not as content as the gossips say. You do look like having a perfect life; never complaining and never letting your real feeling to come up beneath the thick layer of good manners and behavior, even inside your own home.

It wasn’t like you had any other option, anyway.

You used to wonder what could possibly happen if you stopped being the perfect, wonderful, amazing daughter your parents talked about every chance they got. Not long ago, on your eighteenth birthday, their marriage started to fall apart and, not wanting to accept what your eyes were showing, you tried hard to be the best girl in order to keep them together.

You graduated from the high school with a rain of compliments coming of your teachers, pleased to have had you as their student. Entered the best university of the State to study what your father always said would be a good idea. Built a network, met important people and brought pride to your mother, so interested in what the contacts can bring to one. Got a part time job as the assistant of a great specialist in the area you wanted to research about. You even dated a guy your parents liked for a few months, wanting to make them happy.

But none of this was enough. Years after making yourself the question “what if they divorce one day?”, you’re feeling it on your skin, every cell of your body aching, fingers trembling, eyes squeezing—how can one handle such pain?

They weren’t joking about mother leaving the house in the same night. You’ve seen the bags with her clothes, a truck outside to help her carry all of her stuff to her new house, on the other side of the city. She had kissed your face with a guilty expression, but reassured she’d always be right there if you ever needed help, of even if you wanted to move in with her.

Though she was talking like a stranger; she possibly doesn’t want you to go with her to live with her new prettier, richer man. Her words were pity, manners only. It broke your heart; you’ve spent the night awake and trying to convince yourself it wasn’t happening.

However, when your clock alarm announced that it was time to go study, you went to the bathroom and stared your own face on the mirror, your red eyes said everything. She’s gone; she’s leaving you and her husband because of a man she have known for less than six months. Your orbs also ask God, the universe, even yourself what did you do to deserve this. Or, even better, what haven’t you done? Were you supposed to be even more perfect? If you haven’t failed that exam—receiving a B instead of an A—, would the universe agree with keeping your parent together for a few more years? You’d never know the answer.

So, instead of dwell into it, you decided to keep your act. Perhaps your life is going to be fixed if you don’t lose your mind; if you keep playing your familiar role. Makeup could do little for your reddish eyes, but your skin won’t show the cruel pattern your never-ending tears made on your face if you cover it well enough. Although you know how fast the gossips run, and your phone already is full of messages of friends asking what happened, going to your classes won’t make you sadder. It doesn’t work anymore; since the day you decided you’d be the happy student, content daughter and unwavering friend, little has you upset.

Having your heart broken doesn’t hurt as it used to do when you were sixteen; hearing comments about your appearance also doesn’t have you sad. What is this bullshit in comparison to the hell you used to see at least once a week—parents trying hard not to scream and report they’ve been fighting for hours, but then saying, whispers of regret, that they shouldn’t have had trusted themselves to raise a child.

Oh, the weight of hearing your mother saying it would be better if they never had you.

After this, what else can make you cry like a newborn, wanting to be dead instead of hearing those things?

The curious, unsubtle gazes people throw at you also don’t bother you at first. You meet your classmates, talk to them about silly, light subjects; pretend you’re not broken inside, and it goes very well the whole day. Like the role of flawless student always does, you’ve almost forgotten about what waits for you at home. But then the classes are done.

You sure can hear the whispers as you walk to the exit of the place, this time alone, but none of them hurt you as much as when you notice a guy staring at you. He’s blonde, his eyes are creepy, the devilish smirk on his lips is enough to have you disgusted and annoyed. His mouth is moving, he doesn’t bother to hide he’s talking about you to his much less interested friend.

“Said her mother’s a whore,” he laughs, shamelessly pointing at you. “Woman’s moving in to my house, bet it won’t take long ‘til I can fuck her, like my father did.”

You try to ignore, but suddenly you’ve lost the skill of walking. Your legs shake a little as you pass in front of him, now his words hitting your ears with a cruel remind of your family’s situation. It hurts. You wanted to talk back, tell whoever listened to his words that he’s just a fucking liar, a stupid weirdo, yet your tongue froze and you couldn’t do much more than feel them again. Warm tears, a sob leaving your lips as you looked at him with the most pitiful of the gazes.

The last time you’ve cried in public happened when you were fifteen, after a guy affirming he’d rather die instead of even holding hands with you. However the feeling is still familiar, the humiliation lump in your throat feeling bitter, like you’re about to puke the little you ate during the day. Your body burns in shame, so conscious about the way people stop on the hall just to see your crying face—not only the students, with their pity expressions, but also the professors, complacent but not surprised faces seemingly used to the young adults drama.

You finally manage to move your feet, walking towards the door, but the blonde guy opens his fucking mouth again. His voice is gross and, even without looking back, you know his smirk is also sick.

“Are you like this, too?” He inquires, but he answers himself with a creepy chuckle. “Of course you are; it must be genetic, mother’s a slut, daughter also is.”

Insults are nothing. It doesn’t matter if he’s calling you a slut. He’s an unknown, a guy you’ve never noticed before and probably will never see after finishing your studies. Although it still uncomfortable to hear a motherfucker like him talking about your mother. Not even your father, who was cheated on, didn’t call her names, why the little crap of this boy has to do it?

You know he wants you to answer. The usual behavior of a man trying to make himself a little fame. You’re tired, you’re sad, you’re feeling humiliated by the way your body betrayed you after so many years pretending to be the unshakeable girl—you don’t even have words in your mind other than fuck you, what you probably make him laugh. Still you turn around to face him and his red-haired friend.

“Quit it,” you hear your own voice, shaky and breathy, but also harsh. You feel anger, you feel sadness, you feel the urge to get closer to the guy and punch him, you feel the urge to cry an ocean and tell him to fuck off. Instead, you start walking again, this time decided to reach the exit. “If you’re so annoyed about my mother go cry for your father.”

“I won’t, unlike you, fucking crybaby. Just get over the fact your family is screwed now because of her,” he replies quickly, never stopping to smile, but it’s the last thing you pay attention to.

“Enough, Katsuki,” says a professor, approaching the both of you.

You recognize it is Yagi, but only because your friends can’t shut up about him. He’s not a professor on your department, so you barely know more than his name and the assumptions of him being rich and spoiling sugar babies around. You can also remember about your father saying they used to be close, back on master’s degree days, but that’s all. He’s never shown up on the reunions dad used to do to meet his friends, so you could only assume they don’t talk anymore.

You shake your head, bowing as you murmur apologies—not for the boy, but for the rest of the curious surrounding the high school-like scene. Your irises are shining, wet, tears threatening to fall again. Instead of waiting a minute more, you finally leave.

The heavy stares follow you until you’re inside your car, head on the driving wheel as you try not to let out a desperate scream and confirm you’re mentally unbalanced because of your parents’ divorce.

—

You don’t drive home. The Havana themed café inside the shopping mall is a place you’ve thinking about visiting for so long and, after a stressful moment, you think you can do this. Sit down, ask for your favorite beverage while the knot in your throat threats to untie in the warm, painful, familiar tears. At least in this part of the city the chances of any stupid guy seeing you are low, and you don’t have to struggle fighting against your feelings. On your own, yet in public, you can be a little more like yourself.

It’s small, really small, behind the glass door that rings a bell when you pull it. Only one of the six little yellow tables, each with two blue chairs, is taken. Because of the AC, the space smells like coffee, puff pastry and a man’s perfume, which you assume is fault of the one sitting down, sipping his cup and reading something on his tablet. You can only see the back of his head still, somehow stopping to think about the awful state of your life, you wonder if he’s pretty. He might be.

You shake your head. As you pull a chair and sit down, the waitress approach and gives you the also yellow menu and you analyze it briefly before asking for something different, this time. Life’s changing, isn’t it? It’s not the same as last week. Something catches your attention and you ask for one—strawberry frappe. Vanilla, milk, ice and strawberry jelly. You hope it tastes sweet.

Other than the workers of the place starting a conversation with each other once in a while, during the time you wait, the café is silent. You observe the details with an attention that makes no sense, so focused on trying to discover what the scenes on the wallpaper might be. Are scenarios of the Havana city, you know, but you let your brain go further. The more you think about bullshit, the less you think about your cell phone ringing on your bag, probably your father wanting to know if you’re coming to the afternoon tea.

It’s almost five, anyway.

The images are pretty. Behind the man writing on the tablet, the wallpaper shows colorful houses, an old car in front of them. Quite inconvenient, however your mind doesn’t fail to remind of the time your parents talked about their dreams of visiting a cliché scenario like Havana seem to be—you imagine a couple in front of the street, sharing a Cuba Libre as they flirt, the sensual air of the city involving both. Your eyes burn, a sob stuck in your throat, just when the man turns around to check something—maybe the clock on the wall behind you?

A single tear rolls down your cheek as you recognize a professor of your University. Aizawa. He’s pretty, you think, hiding a humorless smile. Also just saw you about to drown in tears whilst your frappe is being done, all because of a stupid thought that you shouldn’t have.

It’s ridiculous enough that you’ve been living your life for your parents, to keep them together, but this? You’re about to cry thinking about a love scene where you wouldn’t be the protagonist?

Epiphany hits you hard when you receive your pink-colored strawberry frappe and taste it. Sweet. Luckily. When had you stopped to be the protagonist of your own life? Your eyes widen, fill up with tears that you can’t control. In a matter of seconds, professor Aizawa sees you falling apart with a frown; the waitress comes closer to ask if you’re feeling good, if is there something wrong with the beverage.

Pathetic mumbles of sorry leaves your mouth. Along with them, the urge to stand up and go face your mother, ask her why? If it wasn’t for her and her stupid decisions, you wouldn’t be crying in public, suddenly finding out your life hasn’t been yours. You were, until the day they said they were getting a divorce, living your parents’ life.

“Sorry,” you manage to say, finally. Your eyes travel from the girl close to you to the man in front of you, who hasn’t stopped staring you. “I’m good, don’t worry about it.”

Exhaling, he stands up, nodding, and holds his stuff. Is he getting out sooner because of you? Guilt and shame hits you, fingers shaking awkwardly yet they’re still holding the mug tight. Too much humiliation for five minutes, you think.

Then he pulls the chair in front of you and places his coffee by your frappe’s side.

For you, his eyes are bored, like he’s doing something because he has to and it’s a pain in the ass. The tablet is the next to be on the table. Mr. Aizawa seems to keep there for a while, and you don’t understand why. You clean your eyes with your thumbs, careful not to smudge the eyeliner, and open up your prettiest smile, the happiest.

As if he hasn’t seen you sobbing a minute ago.

You’re a good pretender, aren’t you? Instead of giving up, you try to put yourself back together again, so no one has to worry about the pitiful state you are right now. You’re fucked up, you can’t say it softly—since your own experiences were standing by for more than half of your life, when it falls on your lap again it’s scary and probably keeping with the same attitudes as ever isn’t the best to deal with the unknown, still you can’t help. It’s like a part of you, already. Put on a fake smile and pretend you’re good.

You’ve been doing this for so long. Why would you hesitate?

Of course, your smile doesn’t last. Your lies don’t stand a chance against Aizawa’s attentive eyes. You’re too obvious. Too weak. When the professor keeps staring at you, lips in a rigid line like ever, arms crossed, you feel a little intimidated. No, not just a little. You instantly let your mask fall; your always so straight column curls forwards as you face the table, eyes down. Like you’re a joke, Havana’s cute streets laugh at you.

You take a long sip of your pink frappe, eyes locked on the beautiful city, waiting for him to say something. You wouldn’t say anything, if he doesn’t first. Childish, but you are not sure of the reasons he decided to sit close to you. Perhaps it’s pity, a small gesture for you not to feel that alone.

However, little could do to make you feel less like you’re this—alone. Absolutely alone.

“You’ve been crying too much for a tough girl,” Aizawa states, his sudden voice making you jump in your chair, as you look him in the eyes. Lazy eyes, still nice ones, though. “What’s going on?”

You’re surprised, to say the least. You don’t usually let your drama bother you at school. How does he know about this? Yes, you might have cried a little in the corners of the campus, but you’d make sure no one’s close. And, why does he pay attention to you? Many students cry around the corners, too overwhelmed by the awful feeling of being alive, you’re not special. Why had you caught his attention? Did he see you instead of the daughter of those rich ass parents? You try to start talking, but words don’t come, your voice doesn’t sound and the man takes it as a sign, sighing.

“Listen,” he tries once more. “It must be weird. But if you want to talk, we can pretend we’re just strangers.”

It’s an implied suggestion and you take it, nodding slowly after a quick “okay”. Yet it doesn’t work as easy, you need to talk. Having little to none friends has a great impact in the way you feel, and right now you need to vent, tell your worries. If he stays in front of you for time enough, you can even tell him about your stupid late epiphany. Maybe he has a good answer for what has your heart beating faster when you think you have been wasting your life for so long.

“You might have heard around the campus,” you start, but a detail has you shaking your head to begin all over again. “Why did you say I am crying too much?”

“I always drink coffee here,” he speaks as he points to the place you are. “Saw you passing by a couple times these days. Now I look like a stalker, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you shrug, not sure of what else to say. “It’s true, I’ve been crying a lot. You might have heard around the campus, people have no manners to—”

Aizawa cuts you before you can proceed, “I’m the stranger, remember?”

“Oh,” you murmur, face heating up. “Oh. So, my parents are getting divorced. My mom has already left home and… I’m kind of lost. Don’t want to hear advices of how to handle this,” you continue, after a sip on your frappe. “I just want to feel I’m not broken into pieces.”

That’s how you’re feeling since the day your mother said she was leaving. Leaving her daughter to live a luxury life with that rich man. Leaving her home, built with so much efforts of her and your father, her husband, for a teenager dream. She went and took away with her a part of you; the part you were gladly showing, the part of being the child every mom want to have. Left you with nothing but the little girl hidden deep inside, the one who hasn’t been in the real world since the day you found out what are the consequences of being the flawless kid.

And that little girl is also in pieces. Like a puzzle, you have to discover how to put yourself together, how to be the woman the years has taught you to be.

All the nights awake, insomnia making you think of many terrible things happening; the mornings spent in front of the mirror, putting on the makeup to pretend, once more, everything’s fine, you’re not drowning in your own suppressed feelings. It has to be useful, right? You did not suffer, you are not suffering it all for nothing. Where’s the maturity experiences were supposed to bring to you?

“I feel like I’m lost, too,” you conclude, your voice tone so hopeless that makes you cringe a tiny bit.

“And what are you doing to end up with this feeling?” The man asks, hands going to his hair, putting the locks in a messy bun. You feel your face hot again and look away. “Did you try to help this pain out in any way?”

You pout slightly, unconscious, nails hitting the wood of the table. You’ve been doing nothing more than pretending your life still the same. You’re living like the past months, changing the fact you don’t drink tea in family at five anymore. And that’s all. It must be the phase of negation. You let out a breathy chuckle, yet not happy at all. Everyone can see it.

“I don’t drink tea anymore,” you say, joking.

He doesn’t smile. Instead, harsh eyes meet yours once you’re looking up again.

“I bet you know this isn’t the answer I was expecting,” Aizawa sighs. “You understand what you’ve got to do, don’t you?”

“No,” you spill without missing a beat. “I don’t know the fuck I’m supposed to do now, that’s why I said I’m lost.”

You could have been softer on him, but it slipped out of your lips without a second warning. It’s the truth, after all, and the rare times people get to hear it from you it’s because you’ve given in to the primitive urge of saying whatever is inside your mind. You haven’t done this for so long, too much worried about what’s the correct to say, what’s the most nice to say, ignoring all of your feelings in the process.

“Sorry,” you apologize, feeling embarrassed. That’s why you don’t like those feelings; they cause you to be tough on others, just like yesterday, when you yelled at your father for a silly reason, hurt by the way he suggested that you should use mom’s jewels as yours. “Didn’t mean to be rude. But I still have to say that I don’t know what I should do.”

“Neither do I,” Aizawa finally shows you a hint of a smile that reaches his eyes. “However… Go home now, google something about self-knowledge. Find out who you are when you’re not being your parents’ daughter. It might help.”

Crappy advice. Everybody could have told you that. Somehow, you still take it like an order. And it hadn’t bothered you. You nod, drinking the last of your sweet frappe, and stand up. A trial of a smile creeps on your face. It might not be the prettiest, but at least is an honest one. The first one in days. You hope the professor can see it, too. You’re smiling because of the “stranger’s” words.

Self-knowledge. Sounds awful. You don’t even know how to start.

“Thank you, Sir,” you tell him, offering another smile, receiving one, way smaller than yours, back. Suddenly feeling brave, you reach out for him. “I hope we can see each other another day, stranger.”

A subtle flirt. You’ve never been that good with it, so it was a clumsy trial. Yet he accepts your hand, standing up to shake it. As he does, his eyes never leaves your orbs, and you feel proud of yourself of how you manage to stand until he blinks, glancing at your body.

Of course you’re going to meet again. Next semester, probably, inside a classroom, in a position of student-teacher that can’t be broken. Still he nods.

“Perhaps. Good luck, girl.”

You give him a last gaze. Havana behind him, Aizawa’s dark hair in a casual bun you’ve never seen; he looks like a man you could dream about drinking Cuba Libres with. When you leave the thematic café, your smile is wider, and your sadness has grown smaller.

This time, after buying your father a new record he’d like, you drive home, satisfied with your brief interaction with a man that hasn’t been introduced by your mother or a jerk trying to get into your panties. Better—you talked to him and felt like yourself, not the perfect-kid-role you’ve been for years. Your heart feels so light, so happy. You can’t wait to go home, tell your father it’s getting better! It’s getting better, father, you’d say. I can be myself for a couple minutes, if I need to!

You feel silly, so many good things coming from a weird meet with a man years older that has nothing to do with your life. You feel like you’re sixteen again, talking to a guy with flirty tones for the first time, on your own. But what can you do about it? Despite the lazy expression on his face, you felt like he was looking at you.

You, you, really you. He looked at your body and the creepy shining of perverts hasn’t shown up on his orbs; he seemed to be interested in what you were saying, not in what your flesh can do or anything else.

The felt was too good to be real. What a pity it wouldn’t happen ever again, because it’s against the rules and you have no reason to flirt even more with Aizawa Shouta, although it’s all you can think about when your enter your go downstairs hours later and see your father’s friends fraternizing.

And, amongst the men you’re used to see, your eyes fall onhis black hair, black shirt, low voice again.

Him.

Aizawa is quite sure the reason he decided to join a few friends and ex-colleagues is because one of them—your father—is going through a terrible time. It’s absolutely this. He might not be the most affective person, but he’d never decline a request made with so much pain in the voice. The way that ex-professor said “I need to have a pastime” as the excuse for a late planned dinner at his place was too painful for one not to notice it wasn’t the only intention. By inviting his old coworkers, Shouta bet he wanted to hide something deep inside his chest, too.

Yet the both men hadn’t talked for a few months, losing touch after a few months, Aizawa used to think about how he is doing from time to time. A year ago, your father decided to leave his job at the University and make himself comfortable by doing what he always said was his dream: writing a book, he could both enjoy the pleasure of writing and the companion of his lovely family. At least, he said this to the professors he used to work with, in his last day.

Now, after talking to you on the café, Aizawa couldn’t understand what was the real motivation to make your father, enthusiast literature teacher, leave his happy job. He knows divorces doesn’t happen out of nowhere—even if the end begins in one’s head, the other totally unaware, it is never quick. Starts with some flirt here and there, if one of them is leaned to cheating; or it can start with the unpleasure of being even by the partner’s side. Minimum details start to annoy; love doesn’t seem to be enough.

It's slow burn, but one day the relationship ends and leave girls like you lost like puppies, unsure of what else to do.

If Aizawa knew about this situation before seeing you falling apart in a corner, trying to put yourself together before a class, he would have found a way of talking to you, or make the psychologist talk to you, to find out what is happening. It isn’t like he has any special interest in messing with students’ business, yet he couldn’t stop noticing the way you’ve been growing sadder beneath the mask of happiness.

He also knows it happens to every single person in the world. Sometimes things just don’t get together, just don’t work. And it’s okay, he thinks, nothing stays like this forever. However, he started to hear from his colleagues that you, the bright, always so joyful, student of theirs, was looking down, unfocused, not even joining your friends after class to the casual dates they usually have. They didn’t know whether it was unconscious or not, but you were isolating yourself and, for such a popular person, it was strange, to say the least.

Took all of his self-control not to call your father like you were a kindergarten child and say you were acting strange, not like yourself. He’d ask “Is something happening at home?” and would also suggest “Have you ever offered her therapy?”

Of course, he couldn’t do this. Otherwise, he’d have to do it for the other hundred students that he noticed becoming even sadder during the semester. Wouldn’t be fair with the other people.

Anyway, Aizawa did the stupid thing of sitting in front of you in public, acting like he was an advisor for a young girl instead of your professor, explicitly forbidden of having any kind of extra-scholar relationship with any student. Yet he put his tablet, coffee and hands on your table and listened to your vent, pretending to be a stranger as if it would absolve him from the guilt.

Unfortunately for him, he’d do everything again—would even talk more, try to be of any real help. The man would honestly like to help you.

During the days your father were a professor with Shouta, he wouldn’t shut up to talk about his prodigious, perfect daughter. Proud filled up his eyes as he spoke about how you were going to study in this University too; praising you with no shame, so glad to have a chance to talk about his little girl, that was becoming a woman so gorgeous as her mother. In work fraternizations, he’d talk with his colleagues, especially the ones who had children, about how was it wonderful to have such a great kid as his successor.

At first, Aizawa didn’t want even to hear about you. Your father showing you off everywhere, endlessly commenting about your qualities and how he loved you and your mother. It was kind of annoying, mainly because he didn’t want to hear proud fathers early in the morning, and he thought to himself that all his talking must be bullshit.

Who talks too much, does too little. And the parents’ perspective over their own kid isn’t fair, most of the times.

So, when Shouta heard the gossips between Yagi and Hizashi—the girl’s finally coming—he thought with himself that it was the time (or the year) of the truth. You’d show who you truly are to the professors and they’d come to the conclusion that your father was being exaggerate.

Except he wasn’t.

Dedicated, smart, kind girl. Easy to captivated your classmates; interested in finding what you could do in the university to help the others, to enjoy the maximum you could about the college experience. Though, one thing Aizawa found out was better than what your father said.

Gorgeous wouldn’t be enough to describe the deity you are.

Oh, he felt so guilty when he discovered this. You’re so much prettier than the other girls around that he almost got down to his knees to be grateful he wouldn’t be your teacher this semester. You are too pretty for his own good and he hated having amazing students on his classes—they’d never keep still, the entire class wanting to spend some time around you, wanting to have a word with you despite no subject or no need at all to do this.

Aizawa would feel jealous of how it is good to be a classmate instead of a professor. If he wasn’t fifteen, sixteen years older than you, he’d himself find a way of ignoring his embarrassment to invite you to a café. In a perfect scenario, you’d meet in the Havana one, in a much less suspicious situation.

That being said, the reason of why he joined the reunion besides not being a big fan of meetings, became both the worry about his old colleague, for who he cares, and the idea of entering your house and seeing you.

Luckily, when he entered, the living room was free, as the kitchen. Except for the host, no one else of the family were there by the time all of his guests arrived. So the night started, snacks, talks about children as usual, conversations about jobs, commentaries about woman. Until your father decided to fill some glasses with honey whisky—at the same time, like a mocking move, the music player started to play any Lana del Rey melancholic song that he justified being from your playlist—and said what everybody already knew.

“I’m a divorced man, now,” he said, a joking tone that matched nothing in the way his eyes were sad, tired, dark bags under them. But his expression became even more sadder as he continued, saying now what Aizawa already knew. “And my daughter is devastated. I don’t know what to do, she goes study and comes back hours after the end of the classes, never tells me where she’s going or with who. And, fuck, she cries the whole night. Breaks my heart to see her like this, but…”

His voice died as he heard steps coming from the stairs. In a weird synchrony, the men drank of their glasses and started talking about lighter, happier stuff. Although it was clear the host needed to vent, none of them wanted to keep the conversation knowing his daughter was right behind, in the living room.

Aizawa looks away when you sneak into the kitchen after greeting your father and his friends. Just like when you flirtedwith him in the cafeteria, you smiled at him shortly, a smirk carried with an inside meaning, before opening the fridge to get yourself a snack before coming back to your room, just as fast as you’ve showed up.

Unlike the expected—seeing a student in her casual clothes, since she’s at home—, Shouta watches you with the same t-shirt you were wearing when the both of you met, now matched with thick fabric pants. Better than the expected, to be honest. Yet inside his brain he can think whatever he wants about you (nobody’s there to judge him other than his own conscious), it wouldn’t be quite nice to see you jumping the steps in pajamas, usually with a thin fabric that leave little to the imagination of those who watch.

Your father did raise you like a good girl, hm? No showing off in front of dad’s friends; always dressing composed clothing to go downstairs during his meetings.

It doesn’t stop Aizawa from wondering about what did you think when you first saw him. What did you think when you showed him your smile, the one your father used to show off, shaking your hands at him?

Are you going to think of him in your room too, just like he’s thinking of you—despite his trials to avoid it—whilst your father keeps talking about how it is hard to understand what’s going on inside your mind?

Glasses of whisky and many hours later, the men start to go home. One by one, they ask for their wives to come pick them, find and Uber to drive them home, the one who didn’t drink goes straight alone. Then Aizawa and your father remains, eating the last pizzas slices and listening to Swedish songs as they try hard to find any subject to talk about before leaving.

“See,” the man talks to Shouta, pointing at the big portrait of his family enjoying the last happy vacations on the clear waters of a paradisiacal beach. In it, your swimsuit had a flowered print, and your arms were up, face seeming genuinely happy. “I wish I could live forever to take care of her. Of her smile. She’s not smiling these days, after her mother left, not even talking to me properly. Man, you can bet I’d do anything for her to stop crying at night and saying in the morning she’s okay, she’s feeling better than yesterday.”

He stops, perhaps noticing he was talking too much, and sigh, sipping the last whisky of his glass.

“I know she isn’t,” he continues, and Aizawa nods, silent. “Because I’m getting worse every day. Anyway, if you ever see her down at school, of even if something happens, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“You’re too worried about her,” Aizawa states, softly, placing a hand on your father’s shoulder, who shakes his head. Sounds strange to say it after listening to you, knowing you’re feeling lost, unsure of what to do to ease the pain and scary feeling of being thrown into the world without any knowledge, but he doesn’t stop himself. “She can handle this. Let her be for a while, she’ll be fine.”

Your eyes shined when you gave him that kind of rude answer, apologizing after. Yet you’re still a little girl trying to find your way, you’ll be able to do it in a couple days. His crappy advice should work for something, and maybe, just maybe, if you show up to drink another strawberry frappe at the Havana café he’d say better things to help you.

“I suppose so,” the host finally accepts, opening a smile, after a couple minutes in silence, a comfortable one. “She’s tough. But still, keep an eye on her to me.”

“Don’t worry,” he affirms and stands up, walking towards the door. “I’m going now, Sir. Take care and have a good night.”

Shouta enters the Uber he called after a couple minutes—those spent staring at the window covered by the curtains, a silhouette passing by every now and then—and heads home, thinking about how the innocent request of your father could be the excuse for him to do awful things to you. Things he wants to do, to be honest, but aren’t that important for him to feel the crazy urge of creating plans. He can’t risk losing his job because you’re pretty even when you’re crying; he can’t risk losing his career for something like that flirt that might just have happened because of your current state of loneliness, clinginess, neediness.

Still, the alcohol on his brain making it hard to deny, he thinks of you when he’s taking a shower, dick hardening against his will, wondering why the hell the bittersweet taste of the risqué and forbidden things is always tastier than the sweet of the things did according to morals and rules.

His cock remains untouched during his shower, but only because he thinks you don’t deserve it. Him fucking his hand to the thought of your crying, the memory of your eyes getting slightly happier when you notice he has paid attention to you during your conversation, really trying to help you.

You want to be seen, to be heard, to be liked for ones not because your father said you’re amazing and not because your mother said you’ll be heading overseas in a couple years to study more and become a great professional. You want someone to forget you’re their daughter, their flawless kid, predicted to be the greatest woman of the family. Instead, you want to take off the mask and still have someone praising you, saying you’re a good girl because you are! You’re the best girl when you don’t need to play your constant role, too. You need to hear the praises, but this time for the person you’re really are.

Aizawa knows it. Your irises are clear, can be read like a book, and he noticed all of this is a couple minutes. A hurt girl finding out the life isn’t what parents want to be—after all, the one who stays with you until the day of your death is you, only you—, expecting to discover what else you should do to live the dream hidden deep inside your heart.

He understands you. And, unlike a gentleman, he’s not going to help you with that. You need to understand it by yourself. Then, when you’re ready to say what you need to him—a poor, pathetic dream, because he knows you can choose any other guy, especially younger ones—, Aizawa Shouta will give you whatever you want, and take away from you whatever he needs.

Right now, the sun rising on the still dark sky, he decides he needs you.

continues on part ii.