#his team: its a trap! nobody agree

[aaronsguccitie]

And another!!

hotch playing tea time with his daughter and he’s forced to wear tiaras, sit in a small chair, and drink his imaginary tea with his pinky up and mom!reader is just laughing and sneaks a picture to send to the team

- 💗

💗 anon, you shall get a hundred kisses <3

Tea time

Cw: fem!mom!reader, fluff, girl dad Aaron, no use of yn, Aaron being a complete pushover

Word count: 1.2k

----

His knees ache.

Come to think of it, so does his back. Sitting cramped in a plastic pink chair, folded nearly in half will do that to him, Aaron thinks. 

His stuffed companions don’t seem to suffer from the same fate. They’re happily drinking their tea and enjoying their biscuits, much like Aaron is supposed to be doing. He almost envies the way their furry legs rest comfortably on their matching pink chairs.

“Purple or pink?” Olivia asks him, holding out two tiaras. 

Aaron eyes the sharp combs at the end of them with mild terror. He opens his mouth to decline—he almost does, really—but Olivia’s eyes are wide and impatient, exactly like yours. 

The protest gets trapped in his throat. 

“Uhh, don’t you have a blue one?” He asks, mentally kicking himself. “I seem to remember buying you a blue tiara.”

“Nope! Purple or pink?” Olivia asks again. Her own tiara rests lopsidedly on her head, its purple jewels catching the sunlight streaming in through her bedroom window. The color matches with her Princess Rapunzel dress he’d gotten her at Disney World.

Well, at least nobody else is gonna see him in it.

“Purple,” Aaron decides. “So I can match with you, won’t that be nice?”

“But you won’t be the princess, too,” his daughter says. A small frown pulls her brows together, exactly the same as his—and way too stern for a four-year-old. Aaron gently touches the scrunch until it fades. “I’m the only princess.”

“Of course,” Aaron agrees softly. He adjusts her lopsided crown. “I’ll be the prince, is that okay?”

“No.” Olivia giggles, two of his dimples appearing in her cheeks. “Silly Daddy. You’ll be the king!” She says as she grabs the purple tiara and rises on her tiptoes, trying to reach the top of his head.

Aaron bends his neck down, a hand going to her waist to steady her until her heels touch the ground again. “How could I have forgotten,” he murmurs, his small smile turning into a wince when the combs of the tiara dig against his scalp. He bites down on his tongue to trap the hiss in his throat, forcibly stretching his lips into another smile as he looks up at Olivia with mildly watering eyes.

“How do I look?”

“Kingly.” His daughter giggles. Aaron blinks back the blurriness in his vision, smiling as Olivia picks up her purple fairy wand and waves it around theatrically before she clears her throat, “And now I dec—del…delcare—”

“Declare.”

“—declare it’s time for teatime!”

She sets down her wand and pours the very strong concoction of tap water into Aaron’s teacup, her tongue peeking out as she holds the lid of the teapot to keep it steady. Some of the faux tea spills over the rim and splashes onto his sweatpants, turning the fabric into a darker gray as Olivia hands him a plate of plastic cake when she’s done.

Aaron accepts it graciously. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He places the plate next to his tea and fumbles for the teacup, struggling to hook his finger through the handle.

“Y’welcome,” Olivia mumbles, too busy with pouring the rest of her guests’ tea.

Did they poke the hole with a needle? Aaron resigns himself to picking up the teacup from its sides. It gets swallowed up by his hands, his fingers overlapping around its circumference.��

“Being a hostess is hard work, isn’t it?” He asks as he watches her hand out cake slices to their stuffed companions.

“Mommy does it an’ she’s good at it.”

“She is,” Aaron chuckles, “guess you got that from her, huh?”

“Mhm.” Olivia finally plops down onto her chair, tilting her crown again as she reaches for her own teacup with a deep sigh.

“So how have you been ruling over your subjects?” Aaron asks seriously. He turns to the stuffed animals lining the table; her teddy and Jack’s orca and a battered unicorn from Penelope, “Are you all satisfied with the way Princess Livvy is treating you?”

“Princess Olivia, Daddy.” She corrects, frowning a little and continuing again before Aaron can remedy his mistake. “They say we go t’bed too early,” Olivia pouts.

“Do they? Well,” he brings the teacup to his lips again, pretending to take a sip, “I say—”

“Daddy, y’have to do this,” Olivia interrupts, picking up her own teacup and sticking out her pinky. She looks at Aaron expectantly.

“Oh, forgive me.” Aaron says and sticks his out, too. “Is that better?”

A muffled laugh catches his attention. That in itself makes him smile, but when he hears the not so subtle click of a camera, his eyes flick to you.

Caught.

You bite your lip and throw him a wink, disappearing behind the door frame with your phone held in your hand.

Aaron turns back to Olivia as he sets down his teacup. “I’m so sorry, your highness, may I be excused for a moment?”

“You’ll come back?” She frowns, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. Aaron stifles a laugh; his daughter through and through.

“Yes, baby.” He promises.

Her frown clears. “Okay.”

Aaron eagerly gets up from the cramped chair, his knees cracking when he straightens. He stifles a wince and leaves Olivia’s bedroom, immediately finding you in the hallway just outside. There’s a grin on your face as you look down at your phone, thumbs flying over the screen.

You hear him and look up, your smile turning sheepish as you click your phone shut and slide it into your back pocket.

He crosses over to you, his arms wrapping around your body, hands dipping into your pockets to search for your phone.

“Delete that.” Aaron murmurs.

You slap his hands away. “Delete what?”

“The picture.” He lifts his brow. Your mouth drops open, no doubt to deny it, and he cuts across you, “I know you took one, honey, don’t play dumb.”

The corner of your lip pinches as you try to hold back a wider smile. “That’s a cute crown. But sorry, your majesty,” you bow, “it’s already been sent to the group chat.”

“Jesus Christ.” Aaron groans, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

A grin splits your face in half. You pull his hands away from his eyes, gently holding them in your own. “So does that make me queen now?” 

“It makes you a traitor. I’ll call Garcia about this.”

You blow a raspberry in his face. “Please. She’s the first one to back it up on all her devices. You’re too late, bossman,” you straighten his tiara.

Aaron winces as the combs dig in deeper. He gently holds your wrist, his scalp just shy of weeping blood.

Your eyes shine as you press your lips together, the corners of them turning up as you try in vain to hold back a smile. “You look very kingly, your majesty.” The edges of your voice quiver with a laugh.

Aaron sighs. “Your daughter said the same.” He drones flatly.

You can no longer hold back your laughter.

[ultra-raging-ghost]

I reached post limit so im gonna write this and save it for midnight to post later 🥰

-10:30 EST

Richas made a reference/mentioned outliving forever and bad started screaming and sobbing for a solid 2 minutes and then started talking about how no no forevers probably fine cucuruchos probably taking care of him, richas asked if thats what bad tells himself to sleep at night, if he just lies to himself and bad said yes! if all else fails, simply lie to yourself and push your true feelings down to make it through this meaningless existence :D and richas said "so if we said the sky is pink at all times a day and just lie to ourselves its ok?" and bad said yes, we already lie to ourselves all the time we just need to think about how much lying we accept :3

richas thinks dappers colorblind

bad said his chats british 😭

time to read books!

-10:40 EST

bad is making fun of us for being sad because of angst(/lh/j) and sang a brief song about us being sad and mentioned "the sun is gone" just to torment us over forever being gone. He also went f5 said something like “if you think it’s sad now… anyway..... spoilers!!" implying it will get even sadder!! (terrified)

oh theres a letter for bbh and forever :((( this might be sad now that forevers. in his place. chats crying

-10:50 EST

Bad is screaming and crying because forever will never be able to read his letter, hes literally head in hands screaming and crying and hes letting the TTS read it out

one of the qsmp purgatory programmers wrote bad a letter saying he was supposed to die more and bad said hes a bug tester at heart and richas is bullying bad because of how many bugs he found and exploited LMAO bad said he'll fudging do it again

-11:00 EST

bad found ANOTHER wall bug to glitch thru, hes insane

-11:10 EST

someone said the word forever and bad is reduced to shambles on the floor, hes crying and whining forevers name in tears and agony and he made the dying "bleh" sound like 4 times

also bad mentioned that as soon as its confirmed to the characters like in-character that max is dead theyre having a funeral for him, like bad as the grim reaper knows but he hasnt told anyone, nobodys aware of him being gone, >>>>also he was ominous and said he needed to shoot max a message oorp and refused to elaborate. what the fuck was that about badboyhalo? <<<<<

-11:30 EST

Bad and richas and pomme wanna make an elevator death trap and then call foolish over to trap/murder him <3 chat is advocating for this idea. chat also wants to see the museum, bad said yes!!! Museum time!

before that, bad is being ominously silent again and is texting off screen. that max comment earlier + this makes me worried. MOVING ON THO BC HES SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RICHAS AND POMME GOT HIM A PRESENT FOR HIS BDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHAS!!!!! (in brazil time) The present is Honey cookies! because richas got covered in honey and used as bait while they were away LMAO

Bad was talking about the 1k snow golems prank and was wondering if the cleanup team would be upset or love that, and richas said "lets say im part of that tio" and bad is now saying richas will take 100% accountability for that and will clean all of it up by himself LMAOOOO richas placed down signs saying "NO TIO I NEVER SAID THAT!! I DIDNT" and bad read them out loud as "Yes tio i agree i did say that ill do it!"

oh god bads spamming richas signs everywhere this is gonna fucking lag everything LMAOOOO richas crashed and bad kept placing until he got bored and said "yessssss richas will get in so much trouble hahaha! messing with the server!!!! bad then said "Richas always comes back" in the FNAF voice, didnt need to know you were an even bigger nerd BBH but okay /aff

-11:40 EST

Pomme is dragging bbh around on a lasso and is trapping him somewhere <3333 theyre climbing up the big ben and bad is taking SO MUCH DAMAGE he has his auto eat on

he accidentally said the word "forever" again and started crying again, his chat is in shambles.

MUSEUM TIME!!!!!!

HELP THE FUCKING ADMINS INCLUDED A DRAWING OF BAD LITERALLY STUCK IN A PADDED ROOM BASED ON HIS TIME IN JAIL, RICHAS SAID "natural habitat"

>>>>>>bad's crying again, and being horny because of how "cute" forever looks in the fanart, but mostly crying<<<<<

pomme started bullying bad because he called forever cute LMAO

tinas on!!!!!

-11:50 EST

Bad's crying again over art of him and forever in the pool he made in forevers base, the admins want to hurt him specifically/j

"treasure the wholesome moments chat, for they are just dust in the wind" -BBH 2023

bad took his totems out of his offhand again :)

Bad's crying again over another image of him and forever!!

[gamebird]

Murderathin Rec List

As compiled by the denizens of the New Tideland MB/G channel! The greatest hits of TMBD's most popular frenemy ship - the fics that got us into it, and the fics we made because of it. "PR" are quotes from us as we talked back and forth about what was awesome about the fic, or from AO3 comments. All works are complete except Enemies, Closer.

The Long Emergency by murderbot Words: 56,866 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Trapped on the survey planet when the last emergency beacon fails, Murderbot and the PreservationAux team scramble to survive deadly fauna, cruel weather, scarce resources, and GrayCris's armed hunting parties. In a grueling ordeal spanning two planetary years, Murderbot becomes closer to its humans than it ever thought possible. PR: “the absolute ur-Murderathin fic”, “an absolute stunner”, “that’s the one that got me into the ship”, "This fic is amazing! Murderbot's voice and everyone's characterizations were so on-point, and all of the details of their survival on this planet and the action scenes were so well-fleshed out.", "The first MB/G fic on AO3!"

Recollection by murderbot Words: 30,753 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: SecUnit and Gurathin agree to be married, temporarily, for ease of travel during an assignment. After a violent encounter and a bad wormhole jump, they crash land on a habitable planet and discover their entire ship is suffering from amnesia. Nobody remembers anything from their past. The ship's records are badly scrambled. The planet is too far for anyone to reach safely. When Gurathin and SecUnit find the record that indicates they are married, they build a life together as marital partners, not knowing their union is based on a lie. PR: “I love pain”, “It absolutely broke me”, “still haunts me”, “wonderful”, " I'm so full of bittersweet emotions", "I was this close to crying for a few chapters, and the ending was perfect."

Enemies, Closer by Abacura, Gamebird, IHopedTheredBeStars, opalescent_potato, Rosewind2007, theAsh0 Words: 104,478 (WIP) Rating: Teen and Up Summary: When a Combat SecUnit with identical genetics to Murderbot is sent to Preservation Station to commit a massacre, the delicate balance between Murderbot, ART, and Dr. Gurathin shifts, putting all four of them on a collision course. PR: “a wonder and a delight”, “my favorite one”, "Rock-Paper-Scissors dom dynamics in which ART is the secret fourth option, Dynamite", "Can't wait for more!", "A monumental collaboration!"

Boots by opalescent_potato Words: 5,762 Rating: General Audiences Summary: Murderbot learns a little more than it wanted to about Gurathin's mysterious past. PR: “such a great, quiet study in emotional intimacy and shared trauma. Also has an absolutely amazing Oh. Oh no moment.”, "this feels like the realest depiction of poverty trauma I've ever seen in fanfic", "Info dumping as a love language. Learning self care from the most particular human."

Boots by gnomeskillet Words: 2,797 Rating: General Audiences Summary: "I'm going to fix your boots," he explained, talking to me like I was a small human child that didn't know anything. At least he kept his eyes on the floor while he did it. "They're a mess and if you want them to last longer, then you need to take care of them." PR: “this entire fic got me", "Omg who knew shoe shines could be so full of tension??", "This was sort of in kink no man's land, in between the barbed wire embankments of desire and fulfillment."

No Peace/No Rest by IHopedTheredBeStars Words: 4,363 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Though Dr Gurathin eventually accepts the addition of SecUnit a.k.a. Murderbot to PreservationAux, and even assists in its recovery & rehabilitation after the corporate gunship debacle, he never warms up to it like the others do—at least according to our unreliable narrator, Murderbot itself! Let’s assume Murderbot is right this time. So what’s up with that?? This story takes place (chronologically) after Fugitive Telemetry and just before Network Effect. PR: “an excellent MB&G fic”, "So many fantastic ideas in here", "This is such a great look at grappling with the guilt of having taken a life, and being stripped of that comforting denial that it wasn't a person."

Mutually Trusted Network Affiliates by Gamebird Words: 16,517 Rating: Explicit Summary: Murderbot finds itself in a dilemma. It has discovered Gurathin likes it and decides it has to do something about this. This one's for the shippers. PR: “a cornerstone Murderathin fic, but it low-key requires reading pretty much the entirety of the Gamebird cinematic universe”, "MB a chapter ago: Ew, no! We didn't have sex! MB now, gazing derisively at Gurathin's sex toy suggestions: What is this shit? Are we fucking or are we fucking?", "using these characters to explore alternate modes of sexuality and explore what intimacy means, as itself, when divorced from the usual biological drives and cultural frameworks is brilliant"

Gurathin’s Side of the Story by Gamebird Words: 51,849 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: A retelling of The Murderbot Diaries from Gurathin's point of view. PR: “An incredible character study that adds so much depth to Gurathin. The reader falls in love with him every step of the way (and Murderbot does too)”, "There are so many moments where this story just drop-kicks me with how real it is.", "a lovely view into Gurathin‘s CR background, augments, and his soft belly under that armadillo shell."

It Was Only A Kiss by Gnomeskillet Words: 2,102 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Frustrated and desperate, Murderbot hauls Gurathin into an alleyway and makes out with him in order to avoid Station Security. Hey, it has a 100% success rate in media! PR: “excellent”, “Incredibly sexy and very sweet.”, "Dom Murderbot absolutely wrecking Gurathin while not really knowing what the hell it's doing is my favorite flavor"

Pressing Down On Me, Pressing Down On You by Gnomeskillet Words: 1,061 Rating: Not Rated Summary: I was just thinking about MB pressing down on Gurathin's augments like how ART presses down on MB in the feed, and I like thinking about MB being tsundere about taking care of its least favorite augmented human. It doesn't LIKE Gurathin, he's just less annoying this way. PR: “ahhh yes this one was absolutely one of the ones that made me go OHHHH. It made me so invested in their relationship”, "Poor Gurathin doesn't know what he's getting into, good thing Murderbot is so nice XD", "I love the idea of cuddling in the feed."

Just to Suffer the Pressure by Chyoatas Words: 2,113 Rating: Explicit Summary: He was already out of breath when he let his hand press to his throat. (That hadn’t been in the original plan. This was already too close- too fraught. It was already embarrassing enough (and hotter for it, but he wouldn’t admit it.)) PR: “Okay we were all thinking it. There are not nearly enough fics where Murderbot erotically asphyxiates Gurathin.”, "this is insanely good holy shit", "unhinged screaming I can't form words, this is everything I want it to be"

Murderathin NSFW Zine Comic by Chyoatas Words: 1,069 Rating: Explicit Summary: My NSFW comic from the Murderbot Diaries NSFW Zine! Alternative text description of the comic is embedded in the images. PR: "So hot!", "sweet, naughty, and snarky", "So much thought went into this. The closer I look, the more details pop out at me!"

Purr by Rosewind2007 Words: 3,448 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: I saw a post by someone saying: “Wouldn’t it be nice if humans could just purr, like cats. You could let people know you were happy without talking about your feelings or anything...” And I thought: it’d be nice if Murderbot could purr. So, here you are. PR: “Ah yes, my favorite trope. Murderbot purring when it's happy!”, "MB your friends care about you!", "This was adorable and I loved it"

Sex Pollen by Rosewind2007 Words: 7,240 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Atypical human and para-human courtship behaviors and coitus triggered by xeno-floral microgameteophytes Abstract: Twenty four (24) subjects were exposed to xeno-floral microgameteophytes (XFM). Atypical behaviors were recorded by all but two (2). PR: “the yearning”, “I love watching Murderbot and Gurathin dance around each other in this. Both trying so hard to be normal and just internally yearning to be close to each other. The longing is so palpable!”

Bundling by Rosewind2007 Words: 18,348 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: It was a stupid accident. We’d identified the presence of space debris in this sector, including pieces large enough to deflect the course of a small transport; but my Risk Assessment Module was happily burbling in the low teens (it really needs replacing, but I’m quite fond of its optimism now) and ART had calculated the risk of an actual collision as approximately 1 in 159,753. But of course we were that one. And of course the client I was with would be that one.  PR: "And thereby, Murderbot, SecUnit, discovered it loved itself.", " A wonderful story", "That last line is just so perfect"

The Corporate and the Construct by beeayy Words: 87,919 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Bots and constructs have taken over the Corporate Rim. When PreservationAux is captured sneaking into AI-controlled space, someone must stay behind with the sophisticated bot-pilot that remembers a lot less than it thinks it does, and the rogue SecUnit with more anxiety and depression than anyone knows. PR: “my favorite AU”, “fantastic”, “An amazing AU. Great marriage of Fairy Tale elements with Robot Overlords.”, "This fic was such an amazing ride", "I had emotions and cried at the last chapter. Good job!"

I Hate The Way I Don’t Hate You by beeayy Words: 53,345 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Murderbot hates Gurathin, though the reason changes on a daily basis. PR: "I love this whole thing", "These two ridiculous assholes *always* end up meeting in the middle", "I love fake marriage fics  especially when it's enemies to lovers."

Maintenance Protocol by Abacura Words: 5,762 Rating: Explicit Summary: I’m worried about SecUnit. This isn’t the first time I’ve caught it making a face that looks like it's in pain. I worry that it isn’t taking care of itself, that without a cubicle, it needs maintenance that it isn’t telling us about. I wish it would tell me. I wish it would let me take care of it. I could take such good care of it. PR: “smoking hot, I wholeheartedly recommend”, "The maintenance was so perfect and then it was done and I figured so was the fic but holy fuck (literally)", "This is the good stuff. This is perfect."

Fuckboy Strategy by The_Onion Words: 6,203 Rating: Not Rated Summary: 'Can you know you don’t like something without trying it?' I'd texted Ratthi. He responded, 'Sure! But trying things out is always a good idea :D' which I am sure he would not have said if he’d known what I was talking about. // Murderbot explores idioms, the ethics of ghosting, and its own sexuality. PR: “Ah yes, my favorite trope. Murderbot being an absolute bull in the china shop of Gurathin’s heart.”, "so good and so funny i am beside myself", "made me laugh out loud"

Construct, Social by kiwisson Words: 1,852 Rating: General Audiences Summary: Late-night human behavior discussions with your favorite deadly weapon. PR: “the vibes are really good”, “Perfect tag is perfect: You Jerks Talk A Lot For People Who Hate Each Other”, “a fascinating example of the first tagged MB&G which shows many themes already emerging!”

Imperfect Reactions by xianvar Words: 1,324 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: It’s a normal evening with friends – easy laughter, Bharadwaj stopping by to chat, Gurathin and Murderbot sniping at each other, Murderbot letting Gurathin tease it… wait, what? PR: “exterior POVs are always SO good”, "there's so many little characterizations in this fic and its really delightful!", "Adorable!"

[sarcasticassian]

Robin, Chrissy, Vickie and Nancy are in a rock band, Robin sings, Chrissy and Vickie on guitar and bass and Nancy drums, Steve is their manager and Dustin, Steve’s little brother is their number one fan and tags along to gigs all the time, Mike is more reluctant but even he can admit his sister is kinda cool for being in an all girl rock band that slaps, Lucas is their best friend and so he comes along for the ride, holding back Dustin when he gets too enthusiastic and underfoot until he also gets too excited and they cause a small amount of chaos and Erica is an admirer of the band so she squeezes her way into events as well

Corroded Coffin are currently the world’s biggest new metal band, Jonathan is their actual manager but Max, Eddie’s little sister, likes to follow him around and tell him what she’d do instead, Will and El encourage her much to Jonathan’s dismay and Eddie’s delight, they’ve just dropped a killer album (Satanic Panic) and they’re organising a tour, Max suggests the rock band she’s always listening to and after checking out the discography Corroded Coffin agree it would be a good fit

Steve switches off his hearing aid before he tells the girls about CC reaching out because they’re all big fans and CC is a small influence on their work, Robin and Eddie share the same raspy vocal quality, and he was thankful he did because they all scream, he snarks that he’s assuming they’re up to be CC’s opener and he’ll get back to Jonathan

Max and Dustin connect on social media before the band’s get together and it’s the meeting of two of the most chaotic minds and they’re already causing trouble, I just want them to cause shenanigans and that leads to them deciding to parent trap several members of the bands and teams because then they’re forever intertwined and Dustin and Max can keep going to both of their concerts for free, Lucas thinks its a little manipulative, Mike and Will think it’s genius and El would just like to go to concerts and learn about girl power and fucking the patriarchy and Erica knows a lot about that

the adults don’t know they’re being moved around like chess pieces until it’s too late and then one day Steve sits up in bed, accidentally elbowing Eddie on his way up from where they were spooning, and he’s like those little shits they did this on purpose, it’s 3AM but he’s calling Dustin and making Eddie call Max so he has them both on the phone because he knows they did this only for the two fuckers to laugh and say they really only meant to get Vickie and Jeff together because the two of them had openly stated that they thought the other was cute, everybody else just fell into place after that so they can’t be punished but they’ll take the credit

Gareth and Argyle, who are both still happily single, neither ready to settle down, will take it to the grave that they helped the kids by passing on info about any crushes or hook ups with in the adult group, they just sip on their drinks that the kids money bought them because the information came at a price as well as their silence and enjoy the peace and quiet now that nobody is moaning about being in unrequited love or never getting laid

it went something like Vickie and Jeff started to date which made Chrissy realise Robin wasn’t in a secret relationship or pining after Vickie and Robin realised Chrissy was interested so they make a move on each other, Steve gives Robin some space to date Chrissy without him hanging around and ends up ferrying his brother to hangouts with Max who just happens to be getting dropped off by Eddie despite the fact that both of them can drive but Steve and Eddie make plans to hang out and they make it complicated because it’s them but eventually they get together properly and while all this was happening Nancy and Jonathan were slotting into place quietly but sweetly and it works and now the kids have four couples for the price of one and their favourite bends are gonna be able to collab forever

[lightandheatao3]

The Bunker - Criminal Minds

Chapter 2: The Inevitable

Summary: Spencer Reid wakes up in a locked bunker to find half the current BAU and two of its departed members unconscious on the floor. The old team is back together but the reunion is not what any of them would have wished for. An Unsub from their past has decided it's time they all stop keeping secrets, even if it means exposing them by force.

Hotch and Derek have been pulled back into a world they tried to escape. Emily, Rossi, and JJ are doing their best to keep it together. Spencer is falling apart.

AKA a found family is reunited and forced to go through the most nightmarish version of family therapy imaginable.

Set months after the end of Criminal Minds: Evolution. Evolution referenced, but not necessary to understand the story.

Chapter Summary: Spencer knows what's about to happen. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean he's prepared to deal with it

Read chapter 2 on AO3 or under the cut. All comments and reblogs are so appreciated <3

Chapter 1 link

There was no sunlight. No clocks on the wall. They had been stripped of their watches and phones. They had no way of being certain how long they’d been trapped.

Spencer had a pretty good idea, though. Cool air flowed in from the small vent in the roof but sweat beaded on his brow.

They were all sat leaned against various sections of wall. The room was big enough that they had to raise their voices slightly to ensure they were heard from the opposite wall.

“Are you doing alright, Spence?” asked JJ, then rolled her eyes at herself for the asinine question, given their current situation. “I mean, relatively speaking, obviously. You look a little pale.”

“Just exhausted,” he said.

Please please please someone break the door down and let them out.

They had spent a long time analyzing the note and had come to the conclusion that whoever wrote and delivered the note was a woman. The hand size, the passive language, the fixation on teaching them a lesson. The apparent belief that she was helping them, justifying her cruelty with compassion. All of it added up to a female Unsub.

They had debated heavily if she might have an accomplice. It would have taken a significant degree of physical strength to subdue them all. Even intravenous drugs don’t knock someone out instantaneously. In addition, the site of injection was incredibly precise and nearly identical on each of them. This would only be possible by holding them very still, likely with a headlock from behind.

An accomplice certainly seemed possible, but at this stage they had no hard evidence to support it.

Everyone looked to Spencer to compile a mental list of all female Unsubs they dealt with while the team was in this particular configuration. Nobody quite fit the profile.

Antonia Slade was intelligent enough and had a history of taking her victims in to care for them before she killed them, but she wouldn’t hide behind a door. She would gloat. He wouldn’t put it past Lindsey Vaughn. She was resourceful. It’s not her MO, but she’d been known to be adaptable when a good opportunity to fuck with them presented itself. But that didn’t explain why she’d gone after them but not Luke and Tara, who she’d also dealt with.

Spencer pointed out to the team he kept tabs on Vaughn in prison, given everything that happened in Mexico. She could theoretically operate via proxy, but he was pretty confident she wasn’t their Unsub.

Truthfully, there were no good candidates. Whoever was doing this was going to need to give them something more to go off if they wanted a chance of piecing it together.

The fluorescent lights buzzed.

Once again he was living under the looming threat of violence and death but all he could think about was how terrified he was to be seen by the people he loved.

There were too many people in too small a space. He had his arms crossed tightly over his midriff to hide the fact his hands were shaking.

Everyone agreed there was no merit to speculating on what secrets she was referencing. For all they knew that was her plan. Get them to reveal information she could use against them, or get them fighting amongst themselves.

There was an invisible ticking clock. Spencer could hear it like it was real. Each second that ticked by was one closer to the moment where his most pressing secret revealed itself anyway thanks to his uncooperative body.

Nobody had spoken for a long time when Rossi piped up, “When do you think dinner is?”

They all stared at him. Hotch raised an eyebrow. “Feeling peckish?”

“If she wants to keep us imprisoned for the duration, surely she plans to feed us.” He looked up at the camera on the roof and raised his voice. “If you’re taking orders, I would love osso buco and a glass of the ’95 Chateaux Latour!”

JJ laughed. “Could you throw in a carbonara for me?”

“And a carbonara!” he demanded from the camera. “Real egg, none of that cream shit.” He looked around the room. “Any other orders? I hear the food here is excellent.”

“Ribeye on the bone, medium rare, a side of fries with a Bearnaise sauce,” said Derek, closing his eyes and giving a satisfied sigh.

“Oh, that’s a good one,” said JJ.

“Yeah, I’ll have what he’s having,” said Emily. “Throw in a pinot for me.”

“What vintage?” asked Rossi.

“Whatever one tastes best chugged straight from the bottle.”

Spencer smiled at them. Truthfully the thought of food was making his stomach turn violently, but he played anyway. “I’ll take a cheeseburger from Bernard's Burgers,” he said simply.

The others hummed in approval. They all cast their eyes to Hotch. He hesitated. Eventually, he said, “There’s a seafood restaurant a couple of blocks from where I live that has the best lobster you’ll ever try. You wouldn’t expect it from a landlocked state, but there’s nothing like it.”

Everyone nodded, satisfied with their imaginary feast.

“Not to keep bugging you, kid, but are you sure you’re alright?” asked Derek. “You’re not looking so hot.”

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’ve been kind of off the last couple of days. I might be coming down with something. Sorry if you all catch it,” he said with his best impression of sincerity.

Derek made an ‘oof’ noise. “How’s that for timing?” he asked lightheartedly, though his eyes lingered longer than was entirely comfortable.

After another moment Rossi spoke again. “How long do you think we’ve been in here?”

“14 hours since we woke up,” said Spencer without missing a beat.

They all stared at him. “How the hell do you do that?” said Rossi, impressed.

He shrugged. Truthfully, he didn’t have the best internal clock. It was very easy for him to get lost in thought and lose track of time. The piercing headache and rising nausea were making him acutely aware of every passing minute.

That was how it went with this sort of thing. You had to develop a routine, especially if you wanted to function. He knew exactly how long he could go before he started getting sick. He scheduled his entire life around it.

The Unsub had clearly figured out their routines. Even if she hadn’t, the evidence of Spencer’s habits were strew across the bedside table in the room he was taken from.

He dug his nails into his arms through his sleeves. Time was running out. It was all getting away from him.

As if the Unsub had been reading his mind, the chamber on the door opened.

Derek was faster this time, managing to get his face right up to the chamber while the external hatch was still wide open.

“Talk to us!” he yelled. “We know you’re trying to teach us a lesson,” he said, an empathetic lilt pasted onto his voice. “We just want to know more. We want you to help us understand.”

A gloved hand deposited an unmarked brown paper shopping bag. The external hatch closed. The internal one released. Derek bowed his head as their captor left with no response. “She must be positioning herself to the side of the door. I still couldn’t see anything more than a hand. She’s careful, but we knew that already.”

Derek took the bag out and they all crowded around it cautiously.

It was packed full of fruit. Emily picked up an apple, turning it over in her hand.

With all eyes focused on her, she carefully took a bite.

She chewed, then swallowed.

“It tastes normal,” she assured them. “Give it half an hour to an hour to see if it has any effects on me, but I don’t think poisoning the food fits this woman’s MO.”

“I agree,” said Hotch, taking a pear. He followed Emily’s lead and cautiously bit into it. He nodded at the others.

The first rule of being held captive was to always take your food and water where you could get it. You never knew when your supply could be cut off.

They all reached in and took a piece of fruit, including Spencer. He had no desire to eat, but he knew he had to keep his strength up and get what he could down while it was still possible.

As he took his orange, he uncovered a note at the bottom of the bag. JJ saw it too, reaching in and grabbing it before he could.

They all watched her expectantly.

“Your room must always be clean. After you eat, put the food scraps in the bag and the bag in the chamber. There are consequences for breaking rules. Now, as a reward for good behavior, I will take away the burden of lies that weighs one of you down. If Dr Reid-”

She paused, reading further down the note, furrowing her brow.

They all stared at him. He tugged at his sleeves nervously.

“Keep going,” said Emily to JJ, though her eyes were fixed firmly on him.

JJ looked at him apologetically. He looked at the floor. She continued, “If Dr Reid is sick, it is only because he is missing his medicine. I gave you all a taste of it to get you here. I hope you don’t catch his disease.”

She dropped the note like it was radioactive. She mouthed the word 'sorry' at him, knowing as well as he did the shit show that was about to errupt. Derek immediately picked the note up. He looked over it himself like he didn’t want to believe JJ had read it accurately.

He looked back at Spencer.

They were all staring at him.

Instinct told him to run, but there was nowhere for him to go. Instead he stood and waited for the concrete beneath his feet to turn to liquid and encase him.

They were waiting for him to talk first.

He couldn’t.

“What’s she talking about, pretty boy?” asked Derek, finally taking pity on him and breaking the silence.

He took a few steps back, suddenly acutely aware of how close they were after gathering around the bag of fruit. “I have no idea,” he said petulantly, cringing at himself for it.

“It’s alright, kid,” said Rossi sympathetically. “Nobody is upset, just talk to us.”

Spencer’s brain sprinted in circles. Why did the lights have to be so bright?

He tried desperately to think of some clever way to talk himself out of it even though he’d figured out hours ago that this was going to happen. This Unsub’s plan was technically impressive, but it wasn’t exactly psychologically sophisticated. She wanted to out their secrets. This one was going to out itself pretty soon anyway, so of course she'd want to get to it first.

“Spencer,” said Emily, “How sick are you going to get?”

No is it true? Or does this mean what I think it means? Straight to believing it. They didn’t even look surprised. They looked like this was only confirming what they already knew. They looked sad.

Horribly, infuriatingly sad.

He ran a hand through his hair.

“The others are going to find us,” he insisted. “It doesn’t matter.”

He wished he could believe it, but he wished they could believe it even more.

“This is why you woke up before the rest of us,” said JJ softly. “Why you weren’t as affected. It’s because your tolerance is up.”

“You guys can see what she’s doing. She’s trying to pit us against each other,” he accused, wrapping his arms tighter around himself and taking another step back. "We're just playing into her fantasy."

“Don’t think about her right now,” said Emily. “If you’re going into withdrawal then we need to know exactly what to expect. Mind games can’t take precedence over your physical safety.”

“I’ll be fine. Opioid withdrawal has a statistically low mortality rate, with only 2% of the-”

“So it is opioid withdrawal?” She tilted her head. “Look at you, Spencer. You’re shaking, your skin is clammy. You said yourself, we’ve only been in here 14 hours! If it’s this bad already, how much worse is it going to get?”

“I don’t know!” he snapped. “Yes, fine, I’m going to get sick! What do you want me to say?”

“Easy, pretty boy,” said Derek gently. “This isn't an attack. The fact is, we’re all locked in here together and this is happening whether we like it or not. We just need you to tell us exactly how bad this is going to get.”

“I don’t know,” he said shortly.

“Yes, you do,” countered Emily. “You cold give us a detailed breakdown of the symptoms, timeline, and risk factors of an opioid detox based on frequency and duration of usage. You just don’t want to admit how much and for how long you’ve been using because it’s bad, right?” she said. Typical Emily, so pragmatic. There would be plenty of time for sentiment once she had a plan, but no sooner. “This isn’t just a slip, is it? You’re shooting up again and have been for a while.”

Spencer flinched. So did everyone else.

All eyes were on him, but for some reason it was Hotch’s gaze he caught. The man hadn’t said anything the entire exchange. Just stood at the back of the group and watched carefully.

When their eyes met, Hotch gave him a tight, sympathetic smile.

Spencer looked at a spot just behind Emily’s head and spoke quietly. “I… I’ll be fine, Emily. I’ll get sick but I’ll get better. It’s not the first time. I don’t need your help.”

“Roll up your sleeves,” she demanded.

He sputtered, “What? No!”

“Emily,” said Rossi placatingly. “Take a beat.”

She ignored him. “If you won’t tell us what to expect then show us. Spencer, I know this is fucking awful and believe me this is not the way I would like to have this conversation,” she said, gesturing to the oppressive room. “I am so sorry for not seeing what was happening and helping you sooner,” she said sincerely. “The least I can do is make sure you get through this safely.”

Even as he said it, he could feel himself regretting it, but before he could stop himself, “Fuck off Emily,” had slipped out his mouth.

JJ gasped and Derek interjected with a stern “Hey! I know this sucks but do not speak to her that way.”

“It’s fine,” said Emily. “I’m not trying to be condescending, Spencer. I’m just scared. I want to help.”

She sounded excruciatingly sincere. It made his blood boil.

“No,” he snapped, stepping back again until he felt the wall hit him. “None of you were there the other times I had to do this, and now you want me to defer to your expertise? What the hell do you know? What do any of you actually know? If you wanted to do an intervention you should have done it after Tobias Hankle, but none of you said anything and I don’t need you like that anymore,” he spat.

Emily’s eyes were wide with shock.

Spencer's words surprised himself just as much as the rest of them.

“I’m sorry,” she said, taken aback. “You’re right. I should have said something back then.”

Guilt twisted its way through the panic and rage, settling into his chest.

They were all trapped down there together and here he was punishing Emily for caring. He tried his best to hold onto the anger. To wrap himself in it. He could feel it slipping away.

Hotch stepped forward. Spencer had almost forgotten he was there.

“I was team leader at the time of the Hankle case. I’m the one who decided not to intervene,” he said firmly. “Emily brought her concerns to me and I shut them down because I was afraid if word got out you would lose your job, making your situation worse. I trusted that you were strong enough to recover. And you were. But you never should have done so without proper support. I regret that, Reid, and I always will.”

Maybe it was the stark inevitability catching up with him that there was simply no way to avoid going through withdrawal in front of them. Maybe it was the way his eyes kept searching for an exit he knew didn't exist. Maybe it was thinking about Tobias Hankle. All these years and all the other traumas, and a part of him was still stuck in that cabin in Georgia. A part of him always would be. Whatever it was, the fight left him.

He was still pressed up against the wall, and he slid down it until he was sitting on the cold concrete floor. The others sat too.

“I don’t know why I said that. I’m not angry about it anymore. Or, at least… I’m not angry at any of you,” he said, chancing an apologetic glance at Emily. “Maybe at Gideon, still. But what’s the point in that?”

“When someone who hurt you is gone it doesn’t take away the scars,” said Rossi. “I loved Gideon, but he made mistakes. It’s okay to be pissed about it.”

“Do you guys really want to hear all this?” asked Spencer skeptically.

They might say that’s what they want, but the subject of his addiction had never felt particularly welcome. They had always flinched away from it, just as they had only a minute ago when Emily referenced him shooting up.

He certainly didn’t want their pity or concern.

“Of course we do,” said Emily, with the others nodding emphatically.

He hesitated. They already knew, he reminded himself. They were asking because they care about him and because the secret was already out. He couldn't put it back.

“2 years. Or 1 year, 11 months, and 3 days, to be precise.”

Silence. He wanted to say stunned silence? But it could have as easily been disgust. He couldn’t tell.

“How is that possible?” asked Derek, deceptively calm.

“We couldn’t miss the signs for that long,” said JJ disbelievingly.

“It’s been on and off,” he clarified. “I was only using in between cases when I was last working with the BAU.” Then, sheepishly, “Mostly." There were some cases... well. He'd done his best. "You would be surprised how easy it is to miss substance abuse in people close to you. One study showed that up to 60% of heroin users are what we call ‘functional addicts,’ meaning they can hold down fulltime employment, social lives, and sometimes even have their addiction go unnoticed by intimate partners for months or years at a time,” he rattled off, before catching the look in his friends’ eyes and stopping. “It isn’t your fault,” he said simply. “I’ve been avoiding you on purpose. Not to mention you base your warning signs on how I behaved when I first became addicted, expecting me to be volatile and disorganized. But I’m not 25 and in the immediate aftermath of a traumatic event anymore. I have more control. It’s not a problem like it was back then,” he assured them.

“Feels like a pretty big problem right now,” said Rossi.

“Functional addicts don’t stay functional forever, pretty boy,” said Derek. “I’m sure you know the other side of those statistics.”

“I don’t have a large enough dataset to offer credible statistics on the amount of opioid addicts who get kidnapped and forced to detox in bunkers. In retrospect, I should have realized that I am an outlier who should have expected something like this to happen,” he deadpanned.

“Well, we’re all outliers vis a vis kidnappings,” replied Emily dryly. "I'm sure that makes you feel better."

“I hate doing this while we’re being watched,” he said. “It feels like we’re encouraging her. This is exactly the outcome she was hoping for. It’s why she dosed you all with opioids instead of using pure sedatives. Just to taunt me.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” said Hotch. “What matters is that we get you through withdrawal. We need accurate information to ensure we know what to do.”

“I know,” he admitted reluctantly. He took a long, slow breath. “Ask me whatever you need to,” he said, directing it to Emily.

He wished he was high right now. He’d give anything for a hit.

Emily nodded; sentiment once again pushed down the line to when the job was done. “Dilaudid?”

“It’s whatever is easiest to get.”

“So, heroin,” she clarified.

He looked at his lap. “It doesn't make a difference to the withdrawal process. It’s all derivatives of the same compound.”

“It makes a difference to your risk of overdose,” she clarified, “but you’re right, that’s not an immediate concern,” she agreed. “Needles?”

He nodded, not looking at them.

“It’s okay, kid,” said Rossi. “We’re not judging.”

He didn’t really believe that, so he didn’t respond to it.

“Every day? If so, how many times a day?��� Emily asked.

“It was previously more intermittent, as I said, but for the past 8 months or so It has been twice a day at a minimum.” A beat. "Usually more."

“Okay. Thank you for telling us all that. I know this isn’t easy,” she said. “I just have one more question for now. Is there any risk that you have an infection?”

“All intravenously administered drugs come with a statistically significant risk of infection,” he said, ready to ramble about it before she threw up a hand to preemptively cut him off. “I always use sterile equipment and alcohol wipes. I’m fine.”

“You are anything but fine, pretty boy,” said Derek, shaking his head. “But we’ll get you through this.”

“That would be more comforting if we weren’t locked in a bunker by a serial killer.”

“Minor problem,” Derek joked. “Consider it a study on innovative approaches to running a rehabilitation facility.”

Spencer didn't laugh. Neither did anyone else. JJ placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

He caught Hotch's eye again, briefly.

Had any of them ever really had a shot at escaping their pasts or was this all inevitable? He wasn't getting clean by choice. Hotch wasn't there in the bunker to reconnect with them. Spencer was struck by the reality that proximity did not always mean closeness.

He was already thinking about the moment he could get out of here and get high again. Was Hotch just counting the seconds until he could disappear from their lives forever?

Assuming they didn't all just die, of course.

Maybe that's what he should be focusing on now. Just don't die. Figure out the rest later.

He leaned into JJ, letting her put an arm around him. The red light from the camera blinked down at them.

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 43: Voltron Frees the Slaves Season 1, Episode 44: Voltron vs. Voltron

Episode 43: Voltron Frees the Slaves Do I recognize this episode name? I think so

Allura - tries to be positive, Hunk - immediately pessimistic Like I fully agree with hunk here don't get me wrong but cmon man enjoy the peace for a bit like Keith said

"Lotor you are my son, may I be forgiven, and some day you will be king, may the evil gods help the planet. I have a special assignment to see if you could prove worthy of the throne" LMAO ZARKON ISN'T EVEN HIDING HIS DISDAIN FOR HIS OWN SON ANYMORE, I LOVE HIM FOR THAT

Idk why zarkon keeps trusting Lotor with destroying Voltron, like dude do you not remember the last 42 episodes lmao

oh I don't recognize this episode, was I wrong? I kind of know the looks of these characters, weird also a girl died in front of her lover by missile strike and ofc that was censored, but it was a funny one because we get no context as to why the guy just starts sobbing

Have other planets been named after Zarkon after being taken over? Why is this one just now being called Zarkonia

DID HAGGARS CAT JUST PUSH A GUY OFF A CLIFF?? WILD

is Voltron a universe wide legend then? I know that's probably obvious by now, but it's still wild to hear, and believable honestly since our cultures share the same stories in the same ways

well these kids are stupid if they think they can take lotor hostage, like itll probably work because its dotu and everything goes in their favor but still

I definitely recognize this episode now, I just don't know the plot like I thought I did

"this is a man's work!" kill die maim I know that was them trying to be brave and then setting up the only girl there to fight them on it to help to show she's strong but ugh

aand immediately the plan gets fucked because haggar's cat spies on them, if one of those kids doesn't die ill be disappointed

even better they're used as hostages, though that's gonna go south for lotor real fast

im sorry no launch sequence for the team? i guess they were saving money this episode at least the team knows it's a trap and is prepared for it

animation error, the little girl's dress is the same blue as her brother's, but it goes back to an off-white when it zooms out

"That mighty robot will be desTROYED" Lotor has no patience for kids confirmed

"Voltron doesn't know the gravity of the situation, but I do!" Lotor stop using good puns to trick people into thinking actually funny, you may be a clown, but you sure aren't the kind that makes people laugh

DID THEY NUKE THE KIDS WHEN THE TEAM CAME BY? THAT IS SUCH A WILD TURN FROM "CHANGING GRAVITY TO SLOW DOWN VOLTRON FOR THE ROBEAST TO GET HIM" they're all alive though fucking somehow because everyone merged into this weird orb thing

nobody remembers a goddamn thing about how it happened

WHY IS PIDGE SUDDENLY THE SMART GUY NOW, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE HAS A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION BRING ME BACK FERAL REGULAR SMART PIDGE

sorry hold on, were the kids trapped on a whole different planet? This is why we need context good god now that they're saved the team is going to actually free the real planet

this robeast just looks like a regular mech again, what happened to the monster designs I liked those a lot

was that dodge a jojo reference

voltron has been automatically calibrating their weapon fire this whole time?? I feel like the team should be rusty after that because it's been a while since they became a team

does voltron have a retractable mace as a weapon, what the actual fuck why don't we see these cool weapons more often

oh a classic scene, one strike from each opponent where one gets hurt but one truly loses of course voltron wins because he pulled out blazing sword

the fight scenes this time around for voltron v robeast was actually pretty cool, I was more invested in it than I thought I'd be

these kids wanna be part of the vf huh? Inch resting ideas are coming to me the planet name is Bravura by the by

/episode end

Episode 44: Voltron vs Voltron Now this one I know FOR SURE

i love when episodes open with zarkon complaining, he's such a mood

Haggar's cat is just a full-time nark isn't he

"I provided a glamorous touch by darkening the circles under his eyes!" Haggar turned Voltron emo by giving him black eyeliner

Pidge I know fighting in a giant robot is cool, but I don't think it's good to WANT to fight lotor every time you visit a new planet the implications are implicating

honestly I totally forgot they came to planet Yadyl already, but it's nice to see SOME consistency in the show for once

why is it always children who recognize something is wrong, like I get that nobody would see that the robeast this time is a voltron dupe but why is it only the kid who's like "hmmm why does voltron have an escort with him??"

i think my gif this time around will be of the kid weirdly digging in the sand to leave voltron an early warning LMAO

I know the team is forming voltron to go to yadyl and properly celebrate with them, but it's still wild to see that voltron comes out even when there's no emergency

this other kid KNOWS it should be the governor who's answering the transmission from voltron, did he assume that someone else answered for him or is lotors impression of the guy just THAT good

team - sees people staring at voltron in fear keith: no people- HEY THERE'S AN ARMED ROBOT, THE SOS WAS RIGHT, EYE BEAM AND THEN HE PROCEEDS TO BLOW UP THE ENTIRE TOWN WHEN THERE LITERALLY WERE CIVILIANS how is the team not getting more bad will from some other planets like how hard is it to have a planet go rogue on them for not thinking their actions through

lotor why are you running INTO THE EXPLODING TURRETS I'm on zarkon's side here, you should be dead dude

animation error, dupetrons leg went from blue to yellow after sand blew on it but then went back to blue in the next cut

the chest on dupetron just turned into the drule skull symbol, haggar really did make him goth LMAO

oh man this thing really is getting to voltron, we haven't seen the blazing sword formation get interrupted before

Keith how did you know the signals were getting picked up, i can't just feed into the belief that this man is some tactical genius without some SUBSTANCE

its just some dude in dupetron,, also which they'd say that beforehand so i wouldnt assume it's a robeast and when it's really an overly complicated mech

WHY DO THEY KEEP SAYING RED LION IS HUNK, LANCE PILOTS RED LION ASSHOLES KNOW YOUR GODDAMN BASICS MY GOODNESS also who knew that voltron could detach his arms and then the arms can act as their own units WHILE STILL BEING ABLE TO FORM BLAZING SWORD, insanity

i changed my mind i know what i want to be the cover gif for this episode sidnvois

/episode end

[cliffburton]

i'm watching simpsons season 35, and so far:

homer's crossing: 7? 8? solid, somewhat of a callback to other times homer's been in an authority position and it gets to his head, i thought it was funny to have otto start and end an episode, that he-man, conan type of fantasy was good, if you're gonna have him be an addict at LEAST explore his trips. the B&W american flag with an orange stripe instead of a blue isn't lost on me

a mid-childhood night's dream: 10, 11. absolutely. very emotional, i will definitely come back to it since it touches on my current emotions about my cat frankie, about letting go and treasuring the precious moments. i liked the exploration of marge's psyche, it parallels homer's voyage in season 8 but i couldn't exactly compare it, i just think it's neat to have a dive into both homer and marge's mind, granted, homer's more to the psychedelic and marge's to the psychological. i love marge getting the spotlight :') animation and scenery were great, that's how colored outlines are meant to be used! it's marge's mind, it can let the style loosen up a little

mcmansion and wife: 6? 7? a bit meh, but not that bad, the b-plot about lisa cyberbullying nelson to help bart was interesting, not sure if i agree with that role for lisa but it's ok, i guess it's under the "nobody bullies my brother besides me" philosophy. her friendliness/flirtiness with nelson makes it even harder for me to decide... is it in spite of that? or is it under the context that they're familiar enough, and it's not like she's lying about him, she's just posting things that did happen... whatever. gotta love the "nerdo! nerda!" bit. oh yeah and the main plot, very american to me because here people will just build over your property without asking and they're not even neighboring house... anyway

thrist trap, a corporate love story: 8, i don't have much to say because overall i enjoyed it and i would come back to it. i could only nitpick on not having more of burns' perspective, he's not exactly defenseless but i think we needed a bit more of him, give him a monologue excusing his wife's actions with archaic words and far-off connections... and also i think lisa supporting persephone is kinda like the nelson thing, i suppose a passionate 8 yro could is still a bit naive and could buy into that, she's been more skeptic for less but well, perks of having a show go on for so long i suppose...

treehouse of horror XXXV: i'm giving it a 9 mainly for the ei8ht segment, the opening segment about NFTs had its fun, and the homer infection last segment was mostly for the laughs, but Oh My GOD... clever use of the kid characters, and it gave enough intrigue, and remember, bob too is the first... unnecessary to have maggie use the pacifier, it's just eyerolling. besides that, i don't think i've seen this kind of gore in the segments... which is great! when they do lean towards horror horror they get great results, that's why nightmare cafeteria is my favorite classic segment. worth watching just for that.

iron marge: 8, you can tell when they put effort into animating the expressions, unlike some other times where they look sooooooo blanddddddd, i loved how agnes was animated, and the final scene. i love seeing bart and lisa as a team, and i love seeing them with their mom.

i've also watched e14 and e15 but i'm gonna do this chronologically.

[rock-and-compass]

Precursor - I wrote about the fifth season of Angel many years ago - probably around the time that the season 8 comics were first being published. I originally published these meta essays over on LiveJournal and I've decided to re-post them (as written), mostly for archival reasons. I love season 5 of Angel. It's such a shame it got axed before it could get the envisioned 6th and 7th series

Angel 5.5 - Life of the Party

After four powerful episodes that situated the series in its new context, showed us where our characters were ‘at’ within themselves and introduced themes of particular importance to the series in its entirety, we get a breather with the stand-alone episode Life of the Party.

The story is quite simple. Lorne, as the head of the entertainment division of Wolfram and Hart is in charge of organising a huge Halloween party for staff and clients. Trouble is, no one seems very enthusiastic. Angel, Fred and Wes would all rather avoid it entirely and the invited guests aren’t much better. The clients of Wolfram and Hart aren’t all that big with the trust of the new regime and suspect that the party is a trap that will allow Angel to have them all killed. Bottom line, nobody’s coming, well no one that matters.  Lorne convinces Angel to accompany him on a visit to The Archduke Sebassis in order to issue a personal invitation to the shindig. Sebassis is highly esteemed in the demon world and will assure a good turnout. Angel does his duty, begrudgingly and only because of his loyalty to Lorne. Sebassis reluctantly agrees to attend.

Once the party starts, weird things begin happening. Fred and Wes are drunk despite not drinking anything, Gunn is urinating all over the place, Spike is suddenly extremely positive about everything, and Angel is having sex with Eve. Wes concludes that they must be under a spell of some description. Turns out that Lorne has had a little procedure done, he’s had his sleep removed so that he can use the time usually spent sleeping to meet all his work and social commitments. Trouble is:

Wesley: "The effects of long-term sleeplessness on the subconscious mind of an empath can be catastrophic." 

Fred: Catastrophic sounds not good. 

Wesley: Under normal conditions, Lorne has the ability to read people's destinies. But now I think he's writing them. 

Fred: So, what, instead of receiving, he's transmitting? 

Wesley: And that's just phase one. "If you sever the empath from his subconscious for too long, that subconscious can — it can manifest. 

Fred: What do you mean, manifest? 

So, in a nutshell, everybody is acting out of character because Lorne told them to. Innocent comments like; “stake out your territory”, “be positive”, “get a room” and “you two should be three sheets to the wind” have all been taken literally resulting in very strange behaviour from all. And yes, that manifest has made an appearance too. A big, bulked up version of Lorne has offended Sebassis by killing one of his posse and increasing the likelihood of the party degenerating into a bloodbath. Luckily, Fred and Wes locate Lorne’s sleep and are able to reinsert it before the manifest can do much more damage.

 In amongst the fun and frivolity there are a few interesting things to note:

Team Angel, for the most part, are not party people. They see themselves as outsiders in the company and in society in general. Fred, Wes and Angel all allude to the fact that they don’t like parties and are not very good with small talk. It also suggests that those who don’t want to have any fun are the ones who are not really happy at Wolfram and Hart, Lorne and Gunn being the only exceptions. 

Lorne by contrast is brilliant at schmoozing but also sees this as his contribution to the team: 

LORNE: Yeah. You know, Angel, I— I don't have superhuman strength, and I'm not a fighter. Quantum physics makes me nauseous, and I barely made a passing grade at mystical studies, but I'm on your team. This is something I can do. I believe it has a purpose that can help you, even if you don't. 

Lorne has apparently lost his true purpose amongst all the Wolfram and Hart work commitments. He is no longer playing the role of the spiritual guide, which surely is his ‘power’ and the strength he brings to Angel Investigations.

There is a very strange scene between Eve and Angel in which she asks how he’s going, and he replies: 

“I don't know how to answer that question. I—I don't know. Good? Bad? Look, I spent years doing everything I could to bring this company down. Now I'm the CEO, and I have to question every move I make because any one of them could be exactly what the Senior Partners want, so, no, I have no idea how it's going.

This conversation seems very out of place as we know that Angel doesn’t trust Eve and would be hardly likely to confide in her. Lorne, at this stage has not given any ‘instructions’ to Angel so it cannot be explained away by the ‘transmitting futures’ that happens later in the episode. 

From the conversation with Eve, it also seems that Angel is not only running Wolfram and Hart but also going out at night to undertake traditional ‘helping of the helpless’. Angel is, in essence trying to hang on to the past and be what he’s always been – ‘Champion of the People’ as well as 'Chairman of the board'

Fred and Knox are very cosy, and this does not make Wesley happy.

Excellent continuity with Spike being scathing about Halloween celebrations. See Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes Halloween and All the Way for other examples. 

The party is symbolic of the ‘ethical tightrope’ that they are being asked to walk at Wolfram and Hart and as individuals. They must associate with evil in order to fight evil and are routinely called upon to pass judgement in ‘grey' areas.

The Archduke Sebassis returns with significance later in the season and the fact that he drinks the blue blood from his minion's arm is very important.

The Sleep removal is termed as a ‘procedure’ highlighting connotations to plastic surgery. This is L.A after all.

It is Spike’s positiveness that succeeds in convincing them that they are under a spell. Well, Spike saying that dance music is the ‘greatest’ song ever written is highly suspicious. That music is hardly The Ramones’, the Dead Kennedy’s, Sex Pistols or even Nirvana, the kind of music we have become accustomed to Spike preferring.

Morale really must be a problem at Wolfram and Hart if people are having their ennui (boredom or tedium) removed.

Angel observes: We've been so focused on the dangers outside that we didn't see the ones within. This place is trying to change us, Gunn. We can't ever forget that.  Well duh...

Angel is resistant to what he sees as imposed change, but really, he needs to realise that they can’t be the same as they were and be at Wolfram and Hart. The circumstances engender change that can’t be resisted.

Life of the party pays homage to The Forbidden Planet, which in itself is a re-telling of Shakespeare’s The Tempest.

An interesting observation was made at (the now defunct) Tea at the Ford discussion of this episode that questioned the long-term motives of Lorne. They point out that by looking at their enforced behaviours, Spike, Wes, Fred and Angel want connection while Gunn and - surprisingly Lorne - turn out to want power. Considering Lorne’s relationship with Sebassis, doubt was thrown over the events of "Spin the Bottle" as something much more sinister: “Where did he get that stuff? Is he REALLY 'just observing', or has he been making things happen, spinning the bottle for some time? A lot of his actions can be read both ways, right back to sending Angel to the false T'ish Magev. He also sent Angel and Darla to A2.09 The Trial, which you might say resulted in the birth of Connor (viewed as the life Angel won and couldn't give Darla). Interesting stuff. 

If the hulk-Lorne is his subconscious attacking then it makes sense that he would attack Artode, Sebassis and Angel. Artode boasted about killing a Pylean while wearing a jacket of green demon skin, Sebassis made him grovel to come to the party, despite their apparent long association and Angel, well, there must be all kinds of subconscious resentment there, bringing them to W&H and perhaps, even subconscious recognition of the memories robbed.

All actors do a wonderful job of their out of character behaviour. The plot is a little silly but the high calibre performances from all save the episode from being simply absurd.

Next up: Angel 5.6 – The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

[webbedphantom]

One More Day? [I vaguely know about this one, due to Linkara, and that it's contreversial]

Adapting the Archive

So when I originally wrote that post, I completely forgot that I did, in fact, have an idea for this one... to an extent. It's moreso adapting No Way Home, but considering it does take some elements from that story and its sequel "One Moment in Time," I think it counts.

To start, let's give a brief summary of One More Day-

So, Peter was on Iron Man's side during Civil War, and Tony had him reveal his identity to the public on live TV. But then he realized that Cap was right, and joined his side, making him a public fugitive.

A bunch of other stuff happens, his Aunt gets shot by a bullet that was meant for him, he goes around the world begging all his superhero friends, even some of his villains and a few heroes that hate his guts after Civil War, but none of them can save her. (which makes absolutely no sense considering one of those people is Dr Strange, but whatever)

So he's at his wits end, it all seems hopeless... until the literal Devil shows up and asks him to make a deal. Sell his marriage to him, and he'll make it so that not only would Aunt May live, but his identity would never be revealed. He takes the deal, and then everything reality is reset to a world where Peter and MJ never get married.

If that doesn't sound too bad to you, even though the deal as a whole is basically character assassination for him and MJ, trust me, I left a lot of the worst parts out.

There's a lot going on here, and I'm not touching most of it with a 10 foot pole, but there is one idea I think I can work with here.

Making a deal with the devil.

Yeah, I know I just criticized that, but hear me out-

In this case, the devil would be Yaldabaoth, who does survive the ending of the AU, and the deal wouldn't be to sell his marriage or anything like that, but rather to lend his body.

See, in my AU, Yaldabaoth and his loyal shadows are kinda trapped in the Metaverse, and the only way for them to escape is to get more people to awaken to their Personas from the serum that gives Aaron and his teammates their powers. Doing so creates a link between the two realities, and the more Persona users there are, the stronger the link, and the bigger and badder things that can slip through.

And throughout the storyline, Yaldy is constantly trying to awaken enough people so that he can come over and fuse the two worlds like he does in canon, but while he makes some progress, he never gets enough.

But there is a way he could expedite the process; Possession.

In this AU, shadows and other Metaversal entities can possess people through their dreams, but the connection is broken if they're ever awakened. But another way is if the person is possessed willingly. And because Aaron has such a strong connection to the Metaverse, if Yaldy possessed him, he'd have a much easier time achieving his goals.

So why would Aaron agree to this? Simple. His identity is revealed.

Obviously that would be bad enough, putting all of his friends and loved ones in the crosshairs of all of his enemies, but because his team is so closely tied together, once his identity got out, it wouldn't be long before all of theirs got figured out too.

But he's not an idiot, he wouldn't just agree to this off the bat. He'd be sure to set some rules, as well as give himself a bit of time to actually enjoy having his secret back. What those rules are? Well, I kinda already talked about this idea in this post here-

Last thing I'll say is the aftermath of it, where the team is able to take him down and get Aaron his body back, is something that's a bit of a spoiler for No Way Home, so I'll just put that tidbit right under here.

The idea is that there would be a cost. Nobody makes a deal with the devil, and gets off scot free. So, I think that once Yaldabaoth is defeated, he would use his power one last time, to make everyone forget that Aaron Amamiya even exists.

Yes, I stole this idea straight from NWH, but its so good that I just have to!

Now, I do think that his teammates would be able to remember him eventually, given that they were able to do something similar in the Third Semester. But everyone else would have a much harder time pushing through it. In fact, I'm tempted to say that no one else would be able to remember him... ever. That he'd basically have to start from scratch.

But that does seem a bit cruel, especially when it comes to Sojiro and his Aunt, so maybe not.

Even still, the idea of him having to lose everyone he cares about like that just- MAN, there's so much potential there.

[weyrwolfen]

Eidola: Chapter 05 - CT-11-9621 Wisp

Rating: T

Characters: Gen, Clone Trooper OCs, Captain Rex, Ahsoka Tano, and other canon members of the 501st/332nd

Warnings: canon-typical violence; references to self-harm, injuries, and substance abuse; PTSD; it’s post-Order 66 and nobody is having a good time (but they’re all working on it)

Summary: The mission was never to bring down the Empire. Not really. The mission was to save every single one of their chipped brothers. But if doing do helped break the Empire’s stranglehold on the galaxy? Well, that was just a bonus.

“Well, they’re definitely not Zygerrians,” Trip commented over the open comm lines. “Does anybody recognize those uniforms?”

Something about the oddly tapered helmets the five soldiers were wearing struck Wisp as familiar, but he couldn’t quite place them. He switched his scope out of thermal view to get a better look. White, gray, and black fabric trimmed with a little blue, one blaster slung at each of their hips, and barely any armor to speak of except for the teardrop-shaped helmets. Hardly what Wisp would want to wear into battle. Then again, these were allegedly peaceful times. None of that helped him better identify the soldiers, though. There were so many planetary security forces, private honor guards, and high-end personal security outfits scattered throughout the galaxy, it was difficult to keep them all straight.

Apparently Eidan was having similar thoughts, because he chimed in with, “My credits are on some single-system planetary defense force.”

“Agreed,” Ripple added from further down the rocky slope.

Trip was too much of a professional to broadcast his frustration and disappointment out over the comms, but Wisp was lying right next to him on the rocky ledge, overlooking the clearing where their visitors had landed, and he knew his batchmate better than any of their other brothers. The slight slump in Trip’s teal-striped pauldrons and the barest dip of his visor needed no verbal translation.

It was looking like some actual, no-kidding do-gooders had fallen into their trap, instead of the scum they’d hoped for. Wisp supposed he should be grateful for the reminder that not every single sentient in the galaxy was a dead-eyed, opportunistic monster. But right now, what they needed more than a heartwarming boost in warm feelings was fuel, food, and credits.

“Cut the distress call,” Trip said, lifting his binocs again. “And keep your eyes peeled.”

“– cargo ship Kaasana’s Dawn, requesting –” Suu Lawquane’s voice cut out mid-sentence, her Ryl accent more pronounced than any of them had ever heard her use in normal, day-to-day conversation. They’d all been convinced that Flint was going to get himself shot for asking her to make that recording, either by Suu herself, or maybe even Cut. But the Twi’lek’s acceptance had been quick and grim enough to convince the Raiders that 1) there was a history that they didn’t know and 2) asking about it really was likely to get them all shot.

But kark if the recording hadn’t improved their team’s pull rate. Slavers could be obscenely predictable sometimes.

The soldiers stopped walking almost immediately after the fake distress signal was cut. That pretty much killed any doubts about this encounter being pure happenstance.

“Wisp, are you picking up anyone still on the ship in thermals?” Trip asked, focusing his binocs on the group of helmeted men, who had drawn closer together and were clearly talking amongst themselves. It was too far for any of the Raiders to pick up what the soldiers were saying, even with their helmets’ settings dialed up as high as they would go.

Wisp switched his scope back over to its thermal setting, the bright colors of the heatmap taking over the right half of his HUD. The soldiers burned in bright reds and oranges, body temperatures far higher than the surrounding forest, which was represented in a spectrum of blues and greens. Wisp swung his sniper rifle towards their guests’ courier ship, which had landed in the only nearby clearing in the dense forest. The ship’s shielding made assessing its interior problematic, but he could see a few things of interest. “They’ve left a pilot in the cockpit, and the engines are still running,” he said over the open comms. That was pretty standard military protocol. So, these soldiers – or whatever they were – weren’t complete amateurs.

“Welcome party, continue to hold positions, stay under cover, and do not engage,” Trip said in an urgent tone. “Everyone just sit tight until we can confirm. We’ll make absolutely sure, but it looks like these guys aren’t a viable target.”

‘Not a viable target’ was a very pretty way of saying ‘not the kind of people we can kill and rob with a clear conscience.’

Wisp flipped back to optical view and brought the group of soldiers back into his sights, just in case he was needed, but none of them seemed to be close enough to notice the brown and green draped figures tucked away in their hiding places along the heavily wooded slope. If not for the thermal settings on his scope, even Wisp wouldn’t have been able to easily spot them, and he’d watched them get into position ahead of the ambush. The mystery soldiers in the landing zone certainly wouldn’t be able to make them out with the naked eye.  However, after a few moments, one of the men stepped in front of the rest of the group and lifted something to his mouth. Wisp followed him with the crosshairs of his scope.

“Crew of Kaasana’s Dawn, we are a detachment of Alderaanian guards,” the man’s amplified voice rang through the forest, sending more than a few birds launching from the trees in alarm. “We received your distress call and are available to render aid if required.”

“Alderaanian guards?” Wisp asked, just for Trip’s ears. “What are they doing this far away from the Core?”

Trip was quiet for a few seconds, and when he answered, he had also closed his comms. “No idea, but something about this feels off.”

Wisp couldn’t agree more.

Apparently, neither could the Alderaanian guard.

“Alternatively, we are also looking for a detachment of stormtroopers, who have been fighting slavers in the Outer Rim at the behest of the Alderaanian government,” the man said in a tone that suddenly sounded vaguely amused. “We are empowered to render such a group aid as well.”

Oh kark. This was bad.

On previous missions, they’d claimed just such a cover if any of the slaves they’d freed became too inquisitive about what a small group of clones was doing waging a quiet, private war against the Zygerrians. Sometimes the Raiders claimed to be based on Alderaan, sometimes Chandrila. Both planets had been chosen for their relative distance from the Raider teams’ hunting grounds, as well as their long history of aid missions and relief efforts beyond the Core worlds. But they hadn’t expected word of their exploits to actually reach those Core worlds. The galaxy was a big place, and the plight of Outer Rim slaves had never seemed to interest the wealthier planets of the Inner Core much. The success of their missions largely hinged on their ability to remain hidden beneath the Empire’s notice. Now, it seemed, they had failed in that one, critical task.

“I’ve got crosshairs on the speaker,” Wisp breathed, comms still closed to the rest of the group, knowing Trip could still hear him.

“Everybody hold,” Trip’s voice cracked out across the comms, freezing the small amount of movement Wisp had spotted in his peripheral vision from down slope. “Overwatch, I want video footage of this. Faces, rank insignia, the karking serial numbers on their engines, if you can zoom in that close. Anything identifiable, get it recorded.”

Little green dots popped up next to the designations of each trooper stationed along the ridgeline: Ripple, Gris, Eidan, and Wisp himself. Between the four of them, that should give the brass back at the Draboon VIII enough video footage to review later.

Wisp panned across the Alderaanian ground team, the feed in his HUD still split between his helmet’s regular view and the scope’s greatly magnified input. After lingering over each soldier in the group, he swept his blaster rifle back to the ship. Given everyone else’s position, he was at the best vantage to look into the ship’s cockpit, where the pilot was pressing buttons on the ship’s console and talking, no doubt over their own private comm lines. Chances were good there’d be something identifiable in there as well, at least for someone with enough time and the capability to pause and enlarge the video footage.

“Talon, we’re going to be taking the scenic route back, in case they try painting us with thermals too,” Trip said. “Not sure yet if we’re going to need to lay low or bug out.”

“Good to go either way, sir,” came the quick reply from their pilot.

“We traced your distress call. We know someone is here,” the Alderaanian guard was saying. “Please, we just want to talk.”

Kark that! That absolutely was not going to happen.

“We’re blown.” Trip said with a grunt as he began to crawl backwards from his vantage point. “Everybody, time to go.” Wisp was a second behind him, video recorder still running. He lifted his blaster rifle and scope to continue to pan down the length of the courier ship, trying to pick up as many details as he could, but also prepared to fire on the soldiers below if the situation took an even more severe turn for the worse.

They had a lot of practice fading away when the wrong kind of prey stumbled into their traps. It was standard operating procedure for the Raider teams. They’d left a lot of well-meaning attempted rescuers confused and emptyhanded in their wake. With a little luck, maybe this time would be no different.

Wisp doubted it, though. He was pretty certain they’d used up every drop of Force-granted luck they’d been decanted with when the Reapers had found and rescued each of them.

Trip took off at a sprint as the first members of the Raider team scrambled over the rocky slope and loped towards their position, coordinating their intentionally circuitous retreat over his comms. Wisp held his position until the last of them passed and then took up the rear guard, as he always did. No one seemed to be following them. Yet.

The tree where Wisp was perched swayed lightly in the wind. He let his weight shift with the change, watching the neighboring ridge line for any sign of movement.

A small rockslide had cleared a swath of the slope behind him years ago, clearing trees out of a recessed patch of ground that was just big enough for their transport ship. Their landing gear hadn’t been terribly happy with the uneven ground, but at least the surrounding trees and rocky outcrops provided them with a little visual cover. Automated geothermal energy stations lining the surrounding valleys for miles around them provided another kind of camouflage for any sensors seeking energy sources in the area. They were the whole reason why the Raiders had selected this isolated stretch of forest on Esla Prime. Well, the power stations and the heightened Zygerrian activity in the system.

Wisp had positioned himself in the branches so that he could easily see both the ship and the most likely direction from which the Alderaanian guardsmen, or whoever they were, might approach.

His brothers, Trip included, were inside the ship, watching their scanners and otherwise laying low. It had been four hours since they’d retreated into the semi-powered down craft and Wisp had taken to the trees to keep watch. Four hours of whispering wind, the chatter of nearby birds and insects, and occasionally Trip’s voice, in Wisp’s ear. If it wasn’t for the threat of potential discovery by the mystery guests, it would have been a rather relaxing way to spend the afternoon.

Wisp wasn’t terribly concerned about being spotted. He was well outside of standard thermal range, and as a scout, his armor had always been painted in irregular blotches of greens and browns to hamper any visual detection. He’d added a narrow stripe of teal along the shaded inner lip of his visor years ago, a small touch of solidarity with his old unit in the least likely part of his armor to attract inconvenient attention. The chances of someone spotting it, or him, from a distance were vanishingly small, and besides, the guardsmen had seemingly abandoned their search of the Raider team’s previous position along the neighboring ridgeline a little over an hour ago. He hadn’t seen a single other sentient since then.

The system’s yellow-orange sun was starting to dip closer to the horizon, casting long shadows down the mountains’ western slopes. Wisp was just starting to consider the pros and cons of popping the seal on his helmet to sneak a quick ration bar when Trip’s designation number appeared in his HUD.

“The energy signal from their ship is spiking,” Trip said, picking up their conversation from exactly where they’d left off, maybe half an hour ago. “We think they might be taking off soon. Let me know as soon as you see anything.”

“Will do,” Wisp breathed, scanning the distant tree line.

If the other ship started sweeping the area from the air, he’d need to book it down the slope so they could make a run for it. The current plan was to hold tight, at least until nightfall if they could manage it, in an attempt to minimize the chances that their ship would be identified. Sensor data alone would be ambiguous at best, given the craft’s numerous alterations, but there just wasn’t any mistaking a heavily-modded Republic warship in direct sunlight. Directly provoking an Imperial planetary government was about the only way this mission could go any worse, but if all else failed and it came down to fighting or dying, the Alderaanian courier ship was only minimally armed, while the clones’ transport had just enough shielding and firepower to get them safely out of the atmosphere and into jumping distance from the planet.

The bright burn of the courier ship’s thrusters cleared the neighboring ridge a few minutes later. “The ship is taking off now,” he reported across Trip’s direct comm line.

“Straight up?” Trip asked tensely.

“Straight up,” Wisp confirmed, as the ship continued to rise beyond the elevation that would make the most sense to stop ascending and start sweeping the neighboring valleys. “You should be able to get a visual on them any second now.”

The courier ship wasn’t in any hurry, but it wasn’t deviating from its course either. Why they’d seemingly given up searching for the Raiders was anyone’s guess. Maybe they thought they’d have a better chance tracking launches from orbit? Or maybe they’d been ordered to leave, pulled away on some other task? There were any number of potential explanations, and Wisp had no way to meaningfully sift through them.

“We’ve got them,” Trip finally said. “Fall back to the ship.”

“On my way,” Wisp said before cutting the comm link. Then he slung his blaster rifle across his back and started climbing back down out of the swaying conifer, quick and quiet, even in full armor.

The shadows were getting long on this side of the ridge, and some of the rocks were slick with mossy overgrowth, but Wisp had trained to move in even more treacherous terrain than this. The rubble of the old rock fall barely slowed him down.

Wisp took the steps leading up into the ship two at a time. He stopped just long enough to press the button to seal the hatch. The stairwell pivoted up, closing behind him with a soft whine of magnetics and machinery.

He could hear voices coming from the main hallway ahead that ran down the spine of the ship.

“So, exactly how screwed are we here?” Frag was asking.

“No kriffing idea,” Lighter said. “Trip’s up front, reporting back to base. Maybe they’ll know something.”

“Their uniforms check out,” Gris chimed in. “And their ship’s definitely Alderaanian too.”

“Like nobody in the Outer Rim has ever killed a crew of planetary guards and stolen their gear before,” Corban grumbled.

Wisp hesitated before stepping around the corner and into his brothers’ line of sight. He wasn’t trying to listen in on them, he just knew that his presence sometimes had the same effect as a wet blanket on the group. He would never be anything other than grateful that he and Trip had managed to stick together this long, through everything, but the rest of their Raider team did tend to view Wisp as something like an extension of their squad leader. In practice, that meant that Wisp got all of the isolation of command with none of the accompanying swagger.

Standing there wasn’t going to change any of that though, so Wisp just took a deep breath and plunged ahead.

Sure enough, the conversation dropped into awkward silence as soon as Wisp appeared. He pretended not to notice and just mumbled a vaguely distracted greeting before turning and walking up the ship’s central hallway, away from the group and in the direction of the cockpit.

Voices quickly picked up again as he put a little distance between himself and the bulk of the squad, both ahead of and behind him. “… hours before they gave up,” Trip was saying as Wisp reached the ladder up to the cockpit. “… if they have given up. Our passive scanners lost them once they left atmosphere.”

Wisp paused just long enough to plug his blaster rifle into the charging stations that lined the open area aft of the cockpit. Then he grabbed a rung and started up the ladder, instinctively softening his footfalls as he made the ascent. Once he pulled himself up and over the lip of the deck by the handrails, he spotted the miniature hologram of Captain Rex standing on the holoprojector between Trip and Talon’s chairs. The blue projection was grainy and distorted by distance, but none of that could obscure the Captain’s scowl. He was obviously deep in thought.

Talon hadn’t noticed Wisp’s arrival yet, but Trip looked over his shoulder and nodded briefly in welcome before turning his attention back to the holoprojector.

“We can’t risk drawing the attention of the Empire,” the Captain finally said, sounding resolved. “I’m afraid we’re going to have to pull the Raider teams off of their current missions until we get a better handle on this situation.”

Wisp ghosted up behind Talon, a cold, sinking sensation filling his chest. The Draboon VIII base was far from self-sufficient, and the Raiders were still their main source of food and fuel. They were all stretched thin as it was, and even a slight interruption could tip them into a real crisis. Grounding all of the Raider teams was much more than a slight interruption.

Captain Rex must have noticed the equally dismayed expression on Trip’s face, because he squared his shoulders and said, “This might actually shake out to our advantage. How is your fuel situation? Sufficient to get you to the Wadj system and back here on more than fumes?”

“One second, Sir,” Trip said with a quick glance at Wisp that clearly conveyed that he’d never heard of the Wadj system either. “Talon, run the numbers in the nav system and give me an estimate.”

Their pilot nodded, swung his chair around to face the astrogation panel, finally caught sight of Wisp standing only a few inches behind him, and almost leaped out of his own skin. Talon let out a mangled exclamation that might have had the potential to contain an expletive, if only his brain could have settled on a single language.

Wisp smothered a tiny smirk and instead pulled his helmet off and gave the pilot his most wide-eyed look of innocent confusion. The cockpit smelled sharply of metal and astringent cleaners after so many hours breathing filtered air through a respirator.

“I swear, I’m going to hang a karking bell on you!” Talon finally snarled.

Trip tried to discretely cover his mouth with a hand to hide his grin. He wasn’t entirely successful.

“I take it that Wisp has joined us?” the Captain’s hologram asked.

“He’s actually been here for the last minute or so, sir,” Trip admitted, and Talon shot him a rude hand gesture below the level that would be visible to Captain Rex.

Wisp stepped out of arm’s reach from Talon, just in case, and took up a new position next to Trip’s chair, within the sensors’ transmission radius. “Good evening, sir,” he said smoothly, utterly unrepentant.

The Captain just shook his head, doing as poor of a job as Trip at hiding his amusement.

“Assuming our fuel situation isn’t a problem,” Trip said while Talon continued to type into his terminal, muttering imprecations under his breath about Wisp, “What’s the mission?”

“Scouting, primarily.”

“And secondarily?” Trip asked wryly.

“Avoiding the attention of the local Imperial base.”

Trip’s expression was suddenly cautious. “That sounds more like a Reaper mission, sir.”

Captain Rex nodded, “Which is why I’m sending Jesse and his team to surveil the base. You’ll be on the other side of the planet, as far away from any population centers as we can manage.” He leaned forward, obviously entering something into the holotable on his end of the transmission. “I’m sending you all of our intelligence on the planet now. On your end of things, you should pay particular attention to the environmental surveys and geologic maps the Republic commissioned a few decades back. As best we can tell, the islands you’ll be exploring should be… idyllic.”

There was something in his intonation of that last word, idyllic, that sent a trickle of suspicion down Wisp’s spine.

Trip picked up on it too. “So, what’s the catch?” he asked, one eyebrow raised in dark humor. “You wouldn’t send us on a mission this cushy unless there was a catch.”

The Captain nodded with a resigned expression that was as good as an admission that Trip was correct. “Like I said, we haven’t found anything obvious in any of the reports, but the reason the islands aren’t inhabited is because the locals all believe they’re…” he hesitated, sounding almost embarrassed.

“Sir?” Trip prompted, when the Captain didn’t immediately continue.

A look of annoyed resignation flashed across Captain Rex’s face. “They believe the islands are haunted.”

The sharp sizzle of Wisp’s blaster shot cut through the ambient sounds of the jungle, abruptly silencing the chatter of birds and insects.

The emerald green and dark purple bird dropped like a stone, dead before it even hit the mossy bank of the spring.

Wisp lowered the blaster rifle, feeling inordinately pleased with the shot. It was hard to explain; he’d killed so many droids during the war, so many sentients too, both Separatists and slavers. But hunting wild game felt different. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he was providing food for his brothers. Maybe it was the serenity if his surroundings. Either way, it felt right.

They’d been on Wadj for a week, taking shifts sleeping on their ship and moving it each evening to different regions of the island. So far, everything aligned with the Republic’s old environmental survey. The climate was pleasantly mild, given its location in the planet’s tropics. The few potentially dangerous predators were semi-aquatic and tended to congregate in the saltwater groves that encircled the island. There were numerous edible plants that grew wild in the island’s interior, as well as several animals the original survey teams had described as, “Non-sentient and safe for consumption by oxygen and carbon-based metabolisms.”

When the third day came and went and they had yet to find anything more dangerous than a low-hanging branch, Wisp suggested he start supplementing their rations. The team was still on edge about the unexpected encounter on Esla Prime, the Captain’s strange warning about the island, and the distant threat of the planet’s Imperial base, but no one had seen a single hint that any sentient had been near the island since the Republic survey seventy years ago. The prospect of fresh fruits and vegetables had perked them up enough that Trip had reluctantly agreed, after extracting a promise that Wisp would remain in his helmet and available for comm contact with the rest of the team in the event they needed to stage a rescue.

Rescue from what? Wisp still wasn’t sure. A twisted ankle, maybe? He couldn’t remember ever being anywhere that was so utterly unthreatening.

Maybe he was just getting complacent, but every report in their mission brief had agreed on one thing: the Imps seemed to have no interest in Wadj, beyond the main continent, and the locals rarely ventured beyond the main landmass’s barrier islands.

Out here, with just the local fauna and his blaster rifle for company, Wisp felt truly, completely alone. He had seen a lot of planets since he had been first deployed off of Kamino. Wadj, he’d pretty well decided, ranked up there with the nicest of them, along with the extra, added bonus that no one was actively attempting to kill him. It was a fairly novel experience for a clone trooper, to know on a visceral level that he did not need to expect an attack.

The temptation to lie down in the moss and let himself simply rest was strong, but he still had a mission to complete. His brothers needed food, and as it turned out, Wisp was proving to be an expert at foraging. The team had started crating up some of the excess fruits, vegetables, and tubers he’d found and putting them in stasis, mindful that their ship’s storage remained largely empty after their previous, unsuccessful salvage mission. Wisp also found himself to be quite adept at hunting. So far, he managed to return from each of his excursions with a few fresh kills in tote. Although, that might have less to do with his wilderness survival training and more to do with the fact that the animals mostly seemed to view him as a curiosity rather than a threat. When he posted up near a fresh water source, like this spring, it seemed like he never had to wait long before something edible wandered by.

Two maroon lizards, neatly gutted, already hung from his belt. Those, plus the bird, would be more than enough to feed the entire squad this evening, with extra to spare for the next morning.

One of the island’s carnivorous amphibians, reddish-brown and about the length of a clone’s arm, was edging closer to the dead bird when Wisp neared. It wriggled back into the water at his approach, retreating with a splash into the pond. Apparently thinking itself safely concealed, it remained there, watching this new, strange competition which had invaded its domain. Luckily for it, Wisp had also seen a picture of its species in the environmental report, right next to the words, “Tissues contain mild alkaloid neurotoxins, only safe for consumption by ammonia-based metabolisms.” Wisp kept an eye on it as he crouched next to the bird, in case it decided to try anything stupid, but otherwise, he left the animal alone.

The bird was large, easily a third of Wisp’s own weight, with bright emerald green and rich purple plumage. He tugged it onto its back, drew his vibroblade, and bent to cut open the animal’s belly. With practice, he was sure he’d get faster and neater at this process. Just then, he was making enough of a mess that he was glad he had a water source nearby to clean up afterwards.

The amphibian was still watching him when Wisp finished cleaning the worst of the gore from his gauntlets, beady little black eyes tracking his every move. He had no illusions about what was going to happen to the pile of guts he’d just left piled on the ground, but at least somebody would get some use out of it.

The bird was heavy and bulky enough to be awkward to carry, but Wisp was accustomed to training with even heavier rucksacks. He ended up tying its long legs together with a length of cord he’d commandeered from the ship and flopping its body over the opposite shoulder from his blaster rifle, its plasma-scorched head hanging down his back. He was going to be cleaning feathers and less pleasant things out of his armor for a week. Still, this would stretch their non-perishable rations even further, and varying up the team’s food was doing wonders for morale.

The hike back to the ship was pleasant enough. The low-growing foliage and leaf litter was thick and springy under Wisp’s boots. The canopy overhead filtered out much of the sunlight through the overhanging leaves, bathing the world in muted, dappled shades of green and red. If he hadn’t promised Trip he’d stay in constant comm connection during these outings, he would have pulled his helmet off to simply enjoy the feel of the breeze on his face.

The trees started to thin as Wisp continued his uphill trek. Eventually, he was able to spot the ship looming above him on the ancient remnants of a lava flow. The path up to the camp site was narrow and treacherous, no doubt made by some of the long-legged reptavians they’d spotted roaming the slopes of the volcano.

Reef and Eidan had apparently drawn guard duty. They were lounging in the shade under one wing of their ship, but despite their relaxed poses, both noticed Wisp’s approach as soon as he crested the rocky rise.

“What’s on the menu?” Eidan called out by way of a greeting.

“Unnamed, omnivorous bird,” Wisp answered, quoting some of the unhelpfully vague passages from the environmental survey. “And two unnamed, arboreal lizards.”

Reef snorted. Very few of the plants and animals in the survey had actual names recorded, so the squad had been coming up with their own. The aquatic reptile Wisp had brought back their fourth day on the island had been dubbed, “Tastes Like Fishy Nuna.” The squatty reptavians from day five were called “Better with the Skinny Peppers” and the thin avian waders from day six had unanimously earned the dubious epithet “Never Again.”

The names, like the clones’ cooking skills, were still works in progress.

“Here,” Wisp said, untying the lizards from his belt one-handed and tossing them with an underhanded swing by the tails to Eidan.

His brother caught them awkwardly, eyeing them both critically before unknotting the cord Wisp had tied around their back legs. “Looks like the 21st‘s colors,” he said, handing one of the lizards to Reef and keeping the other for himself. “Maybe Shells will want the leather.”

Wisp had a sneaking suspicion that curing leather was a bit more complicated than rolling up fresh skins and stashing them in a stasis chamber, but if worse came to worst, they could always just feed them to those voracious feathered menaces the Reapers had brought back from Hadros, for some Force-forsaken reason.

While Eidan and Reef set to work on the lizards, Wisp hung the bird from the mounting hardware of one of the ship’s laser cannons, assuming that if it could stand up to entering and exiting planetary atmosphere, it could support a little extra weight.

Both lizards and the bird were trussed up with an experimental selection of allegedly edible herbs and vegetables, and they were roasting over a low fire when Trip returned to camp, the rest of the Raider team trailing behind him. The last time Wisp had checked in, they had been exploring further up the slopes of the island’s dormant volcano, poking around in the expansive network of lava tubes.

Wisp walked out to greet them, but the lighthearted report he’d meant to make regarding the evening’s questionable feast died on his lips when he took in the expression on his brother’s face.

Trip was clearly deep in thought, but he didn’t seem particularly alarmed or upset. Just grave. No one behind him seemed to be injured, but there was definitely an odd agitation about the group as a whole that set Wisp on edge. “What happened?” he asked in a low undertone when Trip neared.

Trip stepped aside to let the rest of the team pass them. “We found something,” he said quietly, forgoing any other kind of greeting. Wisp waited in silence for some kind of elaboration, but Trip just shook his head. “Grab Eidan and Reef. It’s easier to just show all of you.”

The rocks on the southern side of the dormant volcano had an odd, ropey texture, where lava had flowed over the landscape and hardened into cords of braided stone. Plants filled the fissures in the rocks, especially in the most shaded nooks and crannies where rainfall collected into small pools.

Trip wouldn’t answer any of their questions. “I want your first impressions, then we can talk,” he’d said more than once. Reef, in particular, was about to burst from frustration. Wisp, while obviously curious, was content to wait and see what all the fuss was about.

They’d been walking for about twenty minutes when Wisp noticed something sticking out of the dark volcanic rocks. It was still stone, but it was lighter gray in color and too perfectly pyramidal to be natural. He slowed to a stop to take a longer look.

Eidan and Reef must have spotted it too, because neither one questioned Wisp’s abrupt stop, and Reef even asked, “What the kriff is that?”

Trip half turned to look back at them. “You can see it better once you get around the bend up ahead,” he said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder in the direction they had been walking.

The trail skirted around a steep drop-off, where the black rocks formed into something resembling a frozen waterfall. Sure enough, once they reached the base of the structure, the path they were following curved around, circling back on the… building.

Wisp had read the mission briefing top to bottom, and nowhere in it had there been any mention of prior inhabitants of the area. In fact, the planet itself was recorded as only having been discovered a couple hundred years ago. That was one reason, along with its distance from the Core and any of the major hyperspace lanes, why it was still so sparsely populated.

But this building was old. Old enough that it had clearly pre-dated the series of eruptions that had half-engulfed it, and the Republic survey had noted that this chain of volcanic island seemed to have been dormant for thousands of years.

There was no telling how large the building was or how far it extended back into the mountainside, under the ancient lava flows, but it had survived the eruptions and however many intervening years surprisingly well. Sheets of black rock draped over the roof and down over the left side of the exposed façade. There were a few pieces of rubble which had broken away from the stone roof, scattering the narrow strip of remaining courtyard in front of the entranceway, but the visible walls and the centrally positioned door looked sound if a bit weather-beaten. The pyramid they had seen earlier was just the tip of a tall spire or obelisk, centered over that arching door, and in between, elaborate reliefs of figures and symbols had been carved into the gray-white rock.

Wisp caught himself stepping forward again and stopped, suddenly cautious, because the building felt inexplicably peaceful. Something deep in his gut was telling him this place was safe, but he couldn’t explain it, he couldn’t rationalize the tug of his own instincts, and so he didn’t particularly trust it.

The carvings were interesting though, when viewed from a reasonable distance. The symbols were orderly and organized in such a way as to suggest they might be letters and words, but they weren’t from any language Wisp recognized. Between the lines of mysterious text were carvings of people, long-limbed and stylized enough to call into question what species they might represent. They were kneeling or standing in rows, backs straight, heads high. In their hands, each held a long rod or some other elongate device in front of their faces in seeming salute. Wisp looked more closely, tilting his head in thought. Given the length of the rod-like structures and the shape of their grips, weathered as they all were by time and the elements, Wisp could have sworn they looked like…

“So, do we all agree that we found a karking Jedi temple on our never-before-inhabited island?” Eidan asked.

…Lightsabers. The carved figures were holding lightsabers.

“Yeah,” Wisp said quietly, more than half to himself. “I’d say that’s exactly what we’ve found.”

AN: Other chapters are available here.

Dividers made by @freesia-writes using helmet illustrations by @lornaka. More designs available here.

[fightwing]

this is dickard grayson when he’s in his anti bruce arcs 

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 1 - Decoy [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Here we go my loves, the first chapter! ❤ I hope you like it, and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

As always, I don’t own anything.

Word Count: 2200

Warnings: Mentions of blood, violence, death, manipulation, language.

Summary: Trouble has a way of following certain people.

Sometimes you wondered whether you would run away screaming when you were a child if you knew what kind of a person you would turn into.

It wasn’t exactly your fault though. For years and years, several people had put the blame on several different things. Eventually they would reach the same conclusion though; the psychiatrists, your superiors, the very few people you could call your family, they all agreed on one thing.

It wasn’t you, it was the abandonment.

The abandonment you went through when you were a teenager had somehow started this domino, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop this constant fall, not even you.

But as you would figure out soon, you were lucky. Instead of being consumed by your anger, you could direct it somewhere else. You were recruited and trained from a very young age, and somewhere along the way, you realized that if you wanted to survive you were going to have to sacrifice certain things.

Forgiveness was the first one to disappear. Guilt was another.

Then fear.

Then, love.

Ah well. Worse things happen in the world every day.

If anything it made your job easier.

You cracked your neck and opened the door to your apartment, the key sticking to your fingers because of the blood on your hands for a moment and you made a face as you shut the door, leaning back.

A very long shower and a bottle of wine sounded like a good idea.

You placed your gun on the table, took the dagger strapped to your thigh out of its holster and got the knives out of the heels of your shoes before flinging yourself onto your couch and turning the TV on.

“Also called Sokovia Accords 2.0 by the critics—“

“What the superheroes think about this remains a mystery—“

“The first time caused a huge rift between Captain America and Iron Man but nobody knows the new Captain America Sam Wilson’s comment on it—“

You didn’t get to change the channel again when your phone started vibrating in your pocket, making you sit up straight. You muted the TV, and checked the caller I.D before you answered.

“Hey there.”

“Hi, how’s Paris?” the cheerful voice of your best friend reached you, “Had enough croissants yet?”

A small smile pulled at your lips. After your only parental figure had left you to go God knew where, General had decided to adopt you and raise you like a daughter. His actual daughter Chloe had welcomed you with open arms, and you had been best friends since then.

Her being the top analyst of the division didn’t hurt either.

“Mm hm, because that’s all I’m doing. Eating croissants, visiting museums—”

“Killing and maiming targets...” she mused, finishing your sentence for you and you heaved a sigh.

“Somehow that last one isn’t included in the city guide,” you pointed out. “Chloe, you know this is a line for—“

“Official contact from General, yeah yeah,” she said, “In my defense, you didn’t pick up the phone an hour ago when I called you from my phone.”

“Do you know how hard it is to use touch screen when your hands are covered in blood?”

“What happened to your sniper rifle, did it fall into Seine?”

“It required close combat,” you said, “And the target swallowed the chip before I could get it, so I had to perform a spontaneous autopsy.”

“Just so you know, whenever you talk about your job I have to watch like a hundred cute videos after I hang up.”

“Happens.” you said, “How’s everything?”

“You missed us already?”

You grinned, “Maybe.”

“Good, because dad wants you back. He’ll contact you any day now.”

Your head snapped up and you stood up from the couch, “Really?”

“Duh. Have you seen how negotiations for these new Accords are going? It’s going to be a mess and we need you here.”

“The second one hasn’t passed officially.”

“Well no, but you know how my father thinks.” she said and you tilted your head.

“Are we sure it’s General who wants me there and not you?”

“Okay, that was one prank ages ago and I didn’t hear the end of it!” she protested, “Don’t you trust me at all?”

“Nope.”

“You know, I’m being the perfect friend and calling you to give you some good news but if you’re going to be like this, my news can wait until you get here.”

You pulled your brows together, “What news?”

“What do I get in return?”

“My endless gratitude,” you deadpanned, “Come on. What news?”

“You can’t tell anyone yet but I think you’re getting a promotion.”

Your breath got caught in your throat, “You’re joking.”

“Don’t forget about me when you become a handler, you hear me?” She let out a laugh, I need friends in high places.”

“Your dad runs the division Chloe. It doesn’t get any higher than that.”

“That doesn’t count!”  

You pressed a hand over your chest, “Just— what kind of a promotion are we talking about?”

“I mean I snooped around his files and casually committed treason.” she said, “But even I don’t know yet. They must be still making the adjustments.”

You opened your mouth to reply but then your phone vibrated again and you lowered it to check the message on the screen.

It was simple but again, all his texts were simple and to the point.

From: General

Time to come back. Jet leaves in 2 hours.

Here goes my shower and wine night.

“Chloe?” you said, walking to the sink to wash your hands so that you could start packing, “You want anything from here? I’m coming home.”

                                              ***

The best thing about being on the move all the time was that you could pack in minutes and the division would take care of the things you had left behind.

Apartments, belongings-

Not that you carried any belongings with you, or bought any more than necessary. It would’ve made you form a bond, which was less than ideal for any spy.

You suppressed the yawn splitting your face and made your way to General’s office. This jet-lag was going to make your life pretty difficult in the following 24 hours, and you were painfully aware of it, but it wasn’t like you could just ask for some time to rest.

That could wait. Your job was more important.

“General?” you knocked on the half open door and he raised his head to look at you before motioning you to enter the room.

“Y/N,” he said, “Close the door please. It’s good to have you back.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Take a seat,” he said and you cleared your throat, then perched on the edge of the chair.

“I’ve heard you eliminated the threat and got rid of our target quite fast,” he said, “And we have the chip now.”

You nodded silently, pushing your hair behind your ear.

“Well, that shows me you’re ready for the next step,” he said “No reason to beat around the bush, you’re getting a promotion.”

Pride burst through your system but you tried to control your expression to stop the grin threatening to pull at your lips.

“Thank you sir.”

“Here are the details for your next mission,” he said, handing you a file that was stamped as Top Secret and you flipped the page to find information about your next identity.

Alias: Shrike

“Shrike,” you murmured to yourself, turning the pages, “Like the bird?”

“Mm hm. I assume you’ve heard about the Accords issue?”

You looked up, “Only a little,” you said, “The first one was a disaster and the government had to drop it after The Blip due to the public’s reaction, resurrected people insisted that the superheroes were the ones who saved them, not the government. Then the government said they would go over the details and change it in a way that would benefit both the public and the superheroes, but I haven’t seen the new version.”

“There were some adjustments but to be honest with you, it’s the same deal. We can’t have superheroes running wild with no orders,” he said, “I need you on both fronts, one with terminating specific targets, and one with….well, you’ll see.”

You flipped the page and blinked a couple of times, your stomach dropping.

You were good, but you weren’t that good.

“You- you’re sending me after Captain America, sir?”

“Ah no,” he said, “Don’t worry. Wilson doesn’t have a past we can use against him, and trust me, we checked. The guy is an actual hero but we need a bad guy.”

You turned the page and shut your eyes for a moment.

Bucky Barnes.

Right. You should’ve known.

The government wanted and needed Captain America on their side, but Bucky Barnes could fall for all they cared.

“Sir I appreciate your trust in my abilities but not even an army could take down the Winter Soldier the last time—” you started but General shook his head.

“Y/N, you’re not going to kill him,” he said, “That’s the second front I was talking about. We need you to get close to him, to form a personal bond and gather intel we can use in the future.”

You gawked at him, “I’m sorry?”

“Barnes is the perfect candidate. He can help us with necessary information to prove to the public that superheroes need to answer to someone; us. Besides if it all goes bad, we can just say he was a threat. With that kind of past no one would think he was innocent to begin with.”

Your head was spinning. Scratch that, the whole room was spinning.

You were good at finding and terminating targets, not forming personal bonds or playing this

“When you say get close to him….” You trailed off, your voice way too weak and he smiled slightly.

“You’re an attractive woman, I’m sure you’ll have no problem with that.”

That. That was your promotion.

Not an operations officer, not a handler, but a lover who also happened to kill people.

They were going to use you as a honey trap for him.

“Sir, I don’t think-“ you started, but he held up a hand.

“Before you say no,” he said, “Let me remind you that this will benefit your career greatly, and you will have your own team. Show us you can handle it, and the position you want will be within your reach, you have my word. You want to be a handler, don’t you?”

You dragged your fingernails on the file, deep in thought.

“Barnes is one of the many dangerous people we may need to stop one day, and the only way to do it is to keep him under control and learn everything he knows until we’re ready to take him in.”

“But if these new Accords don’t pass—“ you started but he shook his head.

“Even if they don’t, and that’s a big if,” he said, “He’s still a valuable asset to have. We all have to perform certain missions, Y/N. Even if we don’t particularly like them. You will thank me in the future, when your career flourishes.”

Your blinked a couple of times, a bitterness appearing in your mouth.

“Of course,” you managed to say, “You’re— you’re right sir. It’s a good plan. I accept the position.”

“Great!” he clapped his hands together, “We have a target for you for tomorrow night, there’s this gallery opening. He needs to be eliminated, I think you can handle that? Start planning how it will go with Barnes as well, we can’t lose any time.”

You pursed your lips together and closed the file, “Of course.”

“Congratulations.” he leaned in slightly, “Your dad would be so proud of you if he could see you now.”

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it felt like it was getting bigger and bigger.

“I don’t need his approval,” you rasped out and walked to the door, but stopped when you heard him speak.

“Shrike,” he used your alias for the first time and you looked over your shoulder.

“Yes?”

“I don’t have to remind you that this mission is top secret. If he figures out who you are, or what you’re up to…” he clicked his tongue, “Kill him.”

You paused for a moment, then tilted your head and smiled at him.

“As you wish, sir.” you managed to say, then walked out of his office as if someone was chasing you. You made your way straight to the bathroom and slammed the file on the marble counter, then pulled out the small picture sticking out from the corner. It was an old black and white picture of him with Steve Rogers, probably taken in the 40s, both of them smiling. 

When you lowered the picture to attach it back to the paper, your eyes caught the tiny print under his aliases.

Confirmed Kills: Exact number unknown (Credited with 100+ assassinations)

You were in way, way over your head now.

“Oh, fuck.”

                                  Chapter 2

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Crocoduel

When you stop and think about it, this episode is really just the world's most intense custody battle.

Let's get into the thirteenth (chronologically the twelfth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Crocoduel

We start off with the band Kitty Section (composed of Luka, his timid sister Juleka, her “best friend” Rose, and Ivan) performing a concert for the super amazing Zoe and all the peons beneath her greatness (Alya, Alix, Nino, and Mylene). Luka notes its been a while since Marinette came to the Liberty. Because I guess even the show wants to forget the events of “Sole Crusher”.

Luka is still upset that Marinette hasn't wanted to be around him since their breakup, so after he walks away, the others scheme to force them to spend time together.

Yep, even though they promised to back off in “Gang of Secrets”, Marinette's friends are once again trying to meddle in Marinette's personal life as well as Luka's this time. Because it's not like they can understand how hard it is for two exes to remain friends after a breakup and give them their space, right? They plan to invite Marinette to Luka and Juleka's birthday party while reminding the audience that they're twins.

YES. THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TWINS. ASTRUC HAS NEVER SAID OTHERWISE OR CONTRADICTED THIS STATEMENT IN THE PAST.

LUKA WAS NEVER TWO YEARS OLDER THAN JULEKA, JUST LIKE THERE WAS NEVER A WAR IN BA SING SE.

In all seriousness, I do feel like I was a little hard on Astruc for this. Compared to other things he's made canon on Twitter, this is fairly minor, and we only knew Luka was the older brother at first through a tweet. And considering the other retcon we'll see in the very next scene, this isn't as big of a deal as I made it initially.

Alya invites Marinette to the party, but she easily deduces that it's a trap. Alya then tries to convince Marinette to talk to Luka.

Uh... since when? When did Marinette lose all romantic feelings for Luka? The whole point of the breakup in “Truth” was to show that she couldn't pursue a romantic relationship with Luka because of her duties as Ladybug. She never showed any signs of not loving him, which made the breakup all the more tragic. Yeah, “Mr. Pigeon 72” was an excuse for her to go back to loving Adrien because the writers don't know how to write anything else, but it didn't mean she stopped loving Luka. You know, it's almost like the writers want to make sure the audience knows Lukanette will never happen and the sacred Love Square is the only way Marinette will ever feel love for someone else.

Alya still forces Marinette to go, making her ask Juleka if Luka won't be there. Some people have gone down on Marinette for this, but she does later acknowledge how wrong this was to ask, and apologizes to Juleka for trying to force her to do something she didn't want to do. If only Marinette's friends learned the same lesson.

Juleka goes to tell Luka about the party, but hesitates to tell Luka he can't go there. While he knows Juleka is hiding something, Luka is distracted by the sudden arrival of his father who he loves despite abandoning him for his entire life, Jagged Stone. However, Luka and Juleka's mother, the anarchy-loving Anarka isn't happy that much like his sperm when the condom broke, Jagged came in without her permission.

At the day of the party, Marinette panics as soon as she sees Luka, who in turn realizes she didn't want to see him. Rather than comfort Juleka who just ran away crying, the others comfort Luka, preventing him from being akumatized by Shadowmoth, though he still keeps his Akuma around just to be safe. Marinette apologizes to Juleka before Shadowmoth can akumatize her too (even though she got a Magical Charm in “Guiltrip” so it wouldn't work either way). Then Shadowmoth tries to akumatize one of the guests as they find out Jagged (who just arrived) is Luka's father, but since they're dumb teenagers who don't know Jagged was winning awards and being celebrated as a rock icon while Anarka was working two jobs and struggling to make enough money for rent, they think it's awesome. Very confusing day for Shadowmoth, isn't it?

Marinette also finds out Jagged is Juleka's father and finds out Juleka worries Jagged loves Luka more since they share more interests, which she thinks is true when Jagged gives Luka a guitar case and instructs her to not tell his sister. Marinette tries to call out Jagged for neglecting Juleka over Luka even though Jagged was more of a father to his pet crocodile than either of his biological children, but it's obviously a gift for Juleka, the first bass guitar Jagged ever owned, which calms her down. Funny how nobody acknowledges how Jagged practically abandoned his family, isn't it? Sure, it looks like he's trying to make up for it, but he just acts like he's always been Luka and Juleka's dad and they don't have any problems with their father literally never being in their lives until now.

Jagged's gift to Luka is a record of the first record he made in his band with Anarka before they broke up, Crododuel, but Anarka is naturally pissed he wants to give that to Luka. Jagged and Anarka argue over which one was the Yoko Ono in their relationship while they both grab the record, which Shadowmoth uses to akumatize the two as it breaks, turning them back into Guitar Villain and Captain Hardrock respectively, Shadowmoth labeling them as Crocoduel.

Unlike the other team Akumas like the Punishers or the Gang of Secrets, Guitar Villain and Captain Hardrock care more about fighting each other than working together, and they see getting Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous as a competition to help prove who was right in their argument. It's a pretty interesting gimmick, though I don't get how Shadowmoth thinks this will help him and not ignore Ladybug and Cat Noir while they fight.

Alya provides a distraction to help Marinette transform, and after we get Adrien's single scene to remind the audience he's still a main character, he transforms into Cat Noir. The two heroes give chase, but then Guitar Villain and Captain Hardrock decide to take their fight to above the clouds.

Yeah, it's not like you have a form that specifically allows you two to fly, right?

All they had to say was that Marinette was still making more potions for that form, and it would have been better than ignoring the fact that they can fly.

Much like the hotel room during the night Luka and Juleka were conceived, the crossfire from Guitar Villain and Captain Hardrock's fight starts to damage the area around them. Ladybug and Cat Noir get Luka and Juleka to safety, and Luka tells them about what's happening, while Ladybug spouts the lesson about people needing to talk even though they don't love each other anymore, reflecting the situation the writers retconned her into learning.

Ladybug summons her Lucky Charm, a roll of scotch tape, and comes up with an idea that involves Juleka. She takes her away into an alleyway and gives her the Tiger Miraculous. The tiger Kwami, Roarr, demands Juleka show some courage, so Juleka yells in her face. Unfortunately, as much as I want to show this scene, the subs I got don't really match up, so I can't really give some screenshots of it. So I guess you can watch this scene from Full Metal Jacket instead to get the gist of things.

So Juleka takes the Tiger Miraculous and transforms into Purple Tigress.

I think the suit has a pretty good design. I like the striped pattern with the gold highlights around the black stripes, and think the color scheme is visually pleasing, especially the hair. I wouldn't call it one of my favorite hero suits, but I still like the way it looks.

Cat Noir launches Ladybug and Purple Tigress into the air where they split up to steal both halves of the record, but when they break them, no Akuma comes out. It turns out that since the record was broken while Jagged and Anarka were akumatized, they need to put it together again before breaking it in order to free the Akuma.

Purple Tigresse goes to distract Guitar Villain and Captain Hardrock with her power, Collision, which she uses to KNOCK CAPTAIN HARDROCK'S SHIP ABOVE THE CLOUDS, TAKING GUITAR VILLAIN WITH HER.

Why the hell did it take four seasons to break this Miraculous out if it gives the user the ability to go Super Saiyan on the enemy? I think Cat Noir's expression after seeing the power in action says it all.

Cat Noir Cataclysms the record (because a record is just so hard to break without using the power of destruction, isn't it?), Ladybug de-evilizes the Akuma, uses Miraculous Ladybug to fix everything, Jagged and Anarka somehow weren't killed by their own daughter, the three heroes pound it, and Ladybug gives two Magical Charms to Jagged and Anarka.

Back at the Liberty, Juleka tells the two to forget what caused them to break up and just apologize while they ignore the past, proving the writers really don't get how hard it is to move on from tough events in life. And despite building it up for the entire episode, Marinette and Luka talk in the final thirty seconds of the episode and just agree to be friends, meaning once again, Luka was sidelined in what should have been a focus episode for him.

Aside from the way Jagged and Anarka's relationship was portrayed coupled with the retcons surrounding Luka, this episode was alright in my opinion. Guitar Villain and Captain Hardrock are some of my favorite Akumas, so I thought it was nice to see them again, even if we didn't get to see their powers at full potential. I also thought this was a really good episode for Juleka, as I felt like the hero debut really helped her grow as a person and didn't just feel like she was given a Miraculous because the plot said so. She wanted to help her parents, and using the Tiger gave her the courage to symbolically speak out while potentially launching them into the stratosphere.

But the biggest problem to me has to be the way Jagged is portrayed in the episode. Just like with “Truth”, the idea of Jagged being a terrible parent is just swept under the rug and everyone just accepts the fact that Jagged is Luka and Juleka's dad very well. Despite the idea leading to some interesting drama in a show that's no stranger to family drama, they don't really do much with the whole “Jagged abandoning Anarka” thing. Aside from a brief interaction between Luka and Jagged while the former was akumatized into Truth, nobody is really angry at Jagged. Nobody really feels angry at Jagged for what he did, despite the drama being the main focus behind the episode that also had the Lukanette breakup. You would think this would at least lead to some tension between his family, but nothing really comes from it other than an argument that was pretty much played for laughs. But considering this show has a history of teaching kids to love their parents no matter how cruel they are to them, I'm not entirely surprised.

Overall, it's just a decent, albeit forgettable episode. If the writing with Jagged was different, it could have been a lot better in my opinion.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #8: A Bird in the Hand!

May, 1986

Oh, hey! A good ol’ fashioned superhero brawl with the two teams lined up on opposite sides of a vague area! A vague area with a gradient!

Noooooow, I’m not super familiar with the Rangers but it looks like two of them have the superpower of ‘owns guns’ and one has the superpower of ‘looks good without a shirt.’ One of them is t-posing. And one is a good wuff, yes he is, yes he is.

Anyway, point being, not knowing a lot about the Rangers, I feel like Ben Grimm could probably solo them with grumpiness. Are Wonder Man and Iron Man not on the cover because that would make it way too unfair?

Okay, I’ll stop making fun of the Rangers now. I’m sure they’re a fine collection of Southwest heroes. And its funny that the Rangers work just like how Marvel makes superheroes for foreign countries. Its the Southwest so there’s a couple of cowboys! There’s a Cheyenne guy and he has a pet wolf! Tornadoes! SOUTHWEST!

It’s like how an anime would introduce an American superhero group.

Anyway again.

Last times: the West Coast Avengers go to the cat world to talk to some cats about how Tigra is so horny and angry all the time. And also about how her human and cat souls are in conflict. The king of the cats promises to remove one of her souls, y’know whichever one, if Tigra does him a solid and kills Master Pandemonium.

I never expected guy whose limbs turn into demons guy to be the West Coast Avengers’ archnemesis. He keeps coming up.

Tigra agrees to the grim task of doing a murder but claims to the West Coast Avengers that the king promised to help with no strings attached.

In another plot, Hank Pym bonded with the least shitty Ultron, Ultron “Mark” 12, as the son he never had. Or did have but kept trying to kill him. Mark the Ultron promised he was done killing Hank and was going to give up his life of evil. And since Hank can’t have nice things, another Ultron popped up and tore off Mark’s head and tried to kill Hank. He was saved by Wonder Man, whose life is going great.

And now the West Coast Avengers return from cat world to people world.

Despite Hawkeye’s doubts on the overall competence of cat people (wow, rude, there’s a cat people right on your team, dick) the West Coast Avengers have returned to the haunted house they started at.

Tigra loudly insists, unprompted, that the cat people are going to fix her soul issue with no strings attached. Which makes Hawkeye immediately suspect that she’s not telling the truth about something.

But what really makes Tigra feel guilty is Ben Thing Grimm asking for a neck massage.

His neck is rocks. Is this even doing anything for him?

Anyway, Firebird starts hallucinating cowboy times.

Or projecting herself into the past?

Look, I don’t know.

She’s suddenly some woman called Carlotta riding a mission trail to San Luis Abispo and the group she’s with gets attacked by the native Bear People?

This is all very confusing. It will probably make sense later.

Anyway, she’s shot in the back by some traitor and snaps out of the hallucination, dream, or vision...

Dangit, Clint.

Nobody really knows what to make of Firebird suddenly screaming about having a vision about a traitor shoot her in the back. So they just ignore it.

When they return to the West Coast Avengers Compound, Simon Wonder Williams is waiting for them and he has good news!

He killed Ultron!

Not the one that tried to trap them in a death trap and was working for Grim Reaper. A different Ultron. But the important thing is that he, Wonder Man, killed an Ultron.

Hawkeye gets super excited because he’s going to rub it in the East Coast Avengers’ face.

Hawkeye: “This’ll blow their minds! This is somethin’ the West Coast Avengers did that they never could!”

Wonder Man: “Well -- me as a part of the West Coast Avengers -- !”

I don’t know what’s better. Hawkeye’s reaction to this being petty gloating. Or that he’s naive enough to think Ultron is Really Gone For Real This Time. Yeah, Wonder Man says Ultron is dead for keeps but do you know how many times someone has said that? Almost every time.

Hank blew his mind with ‘thou shalt not kill’ once!

Speaking of Hank, Simon fills the team in on the second most important news. That Hank had been bonding with Mark 12 the Ultron and that he’s taking it pretty badly.

Iron Man is having a talk with him since they were original Avengers together going way back.

Wonder Man brings the conversation back over to himself, although he claims its because he wants to put a positive spin on things.

Wonder Man: I fought my first major battle since I confessed my guilt to the nation and started rebuilding myself -- and I was dynamite! Ultron-11 had vast power, and I shook him apart like he was an egg carton!”

Simon... this is just the first piece of news again but more aggressively centered around how awesome you are. Geez guy.

The Thing suggests that he and Simon should wrassle sometime, test how strong he really is. And Hawkeye, of course, interprets that as Ben offering to join the team, which Hawkeye, of course, accepts.

Ben is frustrated but not as explosively as he has been and just claims that the West Coast Avengers don’t need him if they’ve got an Ultron-beater like Wonder Man already.

Hawkeye: “Wrong, pumpkin-breath! You and Simon together could really set L.A. on its ear! Two fabulous Avengers, who are media stars to boot! Six months tops and people’d say ‘the Thing was in the FF? Really? Who were they?’”

The Thing: “Humph!”

But he’s seeming more and more talked into it.

Perhaps because of the FF bashing. Ben is still mad at Reed and Johnny, I reckon.

Firebird walks off dejected. Mockingbird notices and insists that she (Mockingbird) and Hawkeye speak in private.

Whereupon she immediately starts kicking his ass and yelling at him.

This is their love language.

Mockingbird: “Mister, I’m so mad I could spit! Get your dukes up!”

Hawkeye: “Pardon me? Have I missed a chapter somewhere?”

Mockingbird: “You’ve missed the whole Encyclopedia Britannica, Grape-face! And either I work out my frustrations this way or we’re on our way to divorce court!”

Anyway. Mockingbird accuses Hawkeye of ignoring Firebird while she pines for the Avengers and sends intense wistful energy at him. Instead focusing his energy on trying to wear down Ben Grimm. Hawkeye admits that he knows Firebird wants to join but that the Thing got there first and is a known quantity.

Mockingbird: “We know [Firebird]’s done well in every fight she’s joined us in! And how many people knew what I could do when I became an Avenger! She wants to join -- anybody with any sensitivity can see that! So why don’t you ask her?”

Hawkeye: “Because I want the Thing!”

Avengers by-laws state he only gets one more person on the roster and dangit, HE REALLY WANTS THE THING ON HIS TEAM!

I wasn’t joking about this being their love language.

At some point the fight stops being Mockingbird so fed up with him she can’t take it anymore and starts being sexy fighting.

So they reach a compromise on the Firebird situation where Hawkeye will ask the Thing just one more time and if he still says no, he’ll asks Firebird instead.

And then they start making out because nothing sexier than compromise.

It’s what drives a healthy relationship and also this one.

Meanwhile, Firebird has wandered off to another cliff overlooking the ocean part of the West Coast Avengers Compound. Its very big. It has a lot of places you can have a dramatic, private think.

Firebird: “Perhaps I’m going mad -- ! Before the fire fell from the heavens and changed me, I never had visions -- or any of the strange feelings that surge through me now when I encounter evil! I’m a good girl! I never missed mass any Sunday of my life, or failed to confess my sins -- so why have you given me this power, without the understanding to use it wisely and well in your service? I want to do good, but the opportunity isn’t here! The Avengers will not take me -- ! Oh most Holy Father, please tell me what to do -- !”

Rude to not share your epiphany with the invisible audience you don’t know you have, Firebird.

Elsewhere, Wonder Man is flying around thinking about how great he is.

Wonder Man: “I never understood! I never know what it meant -- ! Wonder Man! The man of wonders! The ionic energy nearly killed me! Combined with my festering guilt for turning criminal, the near-death fixated me -- made me afraid! But the ionic energy changed me, too -- and finally, I can turn to that!”

Hmmm, look. I’ll cut him some slack.

This confidence is new to him, he can enjoy it a little.

Anyway, while he’s flying around someone shoots him.

The bullet harmlessly poks off his pecs, of course, but it attracts his attention to a bank robbery.

One of the robbers even yells at the guy who shot at a superhero who may have otherwise flown right past.

Yeah, that’s pretty dumb.

The robbers try shooting Wonder Man some more but he’s doing his Superman impression again and just lets the bullets bounce off.

A bazooka blast blows him off his feet but doesn’t even sting.

And then, amazingly, he flies and hits all of the robbers in one punch, man.

Wonder Man is loving his life right now.

I think this scene just exists to get Wonder Man out of the plot so that the West Coast Avengers don’t totally stomp the Rangers. Who, again, have two people on their team whose superpower seems to be ‘owns at least one gun.’

But its also good to see some actual superheroics in this book? It feels like since the start of the ongoing book, the West Coast Avengers have only dealt with things directly affecting them.

Grim Reaper’s little group came at them, to kidnap Wonder Man and also Hank. So that Simon could be put into a blender to form The Perfect Brother.

Then they started dealing with Tigra stuff. Or Master Pandemonium attacking them.

The limited series had them helping out after the wild weather wackiness of the war against Surtr. They went after a superpowered robber. They knocked down Graviton’s organized crime group before it could finish organizing.

I just think that the West Coast Avengers book could stand to be somewhat less about the drama in their lives and more of them being superheroes?

I don’t know if I’m explaining it right but that’s how I’m feeling.

ANYWAY.

Back to superhero drama.

Tigra and the Thing are lounging by the pool and Ben pops a question to Tigra, as she is an old, trusted friend.

The Thing: “Well, see, you hung out with the FF -- with me an’ Johnny, an’ Reed ‘n’ Sue! You saw us together, kinda -- a family, like --”

Tigra: “Yessss -- ?”

The Thing: “Well, did you ever think the Torch might -- do me some real dirt? What I mean is -- well, you wackos -- West Coast Avengers -- you guys seem pretty tight! You ain’t no family, but the others went ta Catland for ya! You Avengers don’t do stuff behind people’s backs, do ya?”

Tigra: “Uh... well...”

Ha, the Thing is inadvertently (?) poking Tigra right in the guilt about agreeing to kill Master Pandemonium.

But he’s really just trying to talk himself into joining the West Coast Avengers out of continuing hurt feelings about Johnny and Alicia getting together.

EXCEPT. They didn’t do that behind his back. He decided to stay on Battleworld and basically ghosted Alicia. And when he returned from Battleworld, he was going to break up with her before even learning that Johnny and Alicia had gotten together.

His hurt feelings are that she moved on even though so had he.

And its not like they could have contacted him for his blessing. He was IN SPACE.

So get over yourself, the Thing.

Anyway, Tigra doesn’t have a chance to answer Ben’s inadvertent guilt poking. Because Firebird shows up and says she has something to tell them.

And what she has to tell them is that she invited her cool, old friends the Rangers to hang out.

Showing up uninvited sets off the intruder alarm so Hawkeye and Mockingbird show up, Hawkeye quickly establishing that Wonder Man, Iron Man, and Hank Pym will not be participating.

But their alarm fades as they recognize some of the Rangers.

Hawkeye recognizes Red Wolf and his pet wolf Lobo from back in Avengers #80.

Mockingbird recognizes the Texas Twister since he was one of the SHIELD super-agents.

The cowboy in white reminds Hawkeye of the Night Rider he met in Avengers #142-3. Red Wolf explains that this present day cowboy is maybe the ghost of that past times cowboy so therefore he’s taken the name Ghost Rider.

... I know that the motorcycle version existed by this point. Was he off in limbo so they gave away his codename? Well, I’m going to call him Ghost Rider. It’ll be funny.

Red Wolf also explains that the lady with the guns is Shooting Star.

Tigra also knows Red Wolf and is confused that he’s with a group, since he told her he was a loner. But he explains that the former Rangers received a phone call from Firebird proposing that the Rangers reform into a permanent team.

Not mentioned is that god gave her this idea.

Hawkeye: “Bonita! You’re leaving -- ?”

Firebird: “Yes, Hawkeye! I feel that its best!”

Hawkeye: “But -- I hope we didn’t do anything to -- uh --”

Mockingbird: “That’s just it, sport -- you didn’t do anything!”

Ha, oof.

Firebird says she understands that the (West Coast) Avengers have their own priorities and that any dreams she had were only dreams. Which I feel isn’t actually doesn’t convey ‘don’t worry about it!’ so much as ‘so you killed my dreams, its probably fiiiiine.’

Mockingbird tries to convince Firebird to stay, saying that they can work things out. Probably meaning more sexy wrestling until Hawkeye agrees to have Firebird join the team.

Shooting Star says that Firebird doesn’t want to join the Avengers, she wants to join the cool Rangers.

But her finger accidentally touches Firebird, who recoils from it and declares Shooting Star is POSSESSED!!

Shooting Star scoffs and asks whether Firebird is on drugs.

Firebird asks Hawkeye to back her up but Hawkeye tells her that she can’t just accuse people of being possessed by demons, geez! But just when he’s saying how much he trusts Red Wolf, he sees Red Wolf getting ready to cave his head in.

Which just leaves fight fight fight

And Rangers Rumba?

Since Iron Man and Wonder Man are not around to participate, the numbers of the two teams line up perfectly. Because they’re counting Lobo the wolf as a separate combatant.

Hm.

Anyway, despite Tigra immediately going to wrestle the wolf in the above panel, when the fight starts, Red Wolf breaks her grapple so he can fight her himself.

And he does a dynamax on Lobo, making him a giant doggo, and sending him after Firebird.

Tigra: “Now come on, Red Wolf -- you were my best friend after I became TIgra! Don’t be like this!”

But he’s gonna be like this.

Hawkeye goes to help Firebird with the giant wolf, now believing her obviously, but Shooting Star tries to shoot him in the back. But she gets interrupted by Mockingbird who sets herself up in the designated girl fight.

“Ghost Rider” thus squares up against Hawkeye.

And Texas Twister attacks the Thing as some kind of what could have been grudge match.

Texas Twister: “An’ as fer yew, Thang -- it’s tahm ya learn what the Texas Twister coulda done as part of the Frightful Four! Nobody can stand up to mah tornados!”

The Thing: “Phooey! Ya call this windy? You should hear Hawkeye’s membership pitches!”

Haha, zing!

Also, these phonetic accents are killing me.

But, yeah. An editor’s caption informs me that the Texas Twister almost joined the Frightful Four. Why, when he’s supposed to be an ex-SHIELD agent? I dunno. Sometimes you just want to pick a fight with some superheroes, I guess.

So they fight fight fight.

Firebird has trouble fighting the giant wolf. Not moral trouble. Just... she tries shooting flame at it and the wolf just smacks her.

But while fighting, her evil senses are tingling and while all the Rangers have a tinge of evil, Firebird feels the most evil from Shooting Star.

But because of the wolf trying to eat her, she can’t really act on her observation.

The Thing manages to show the Texas Twister how attacking the Fantastic Four might have gone.

The man’s tornado pushes Ben into the pool. So Ben splashes some water into the tornado, which turns it into a water spout, and then the Texas Twister starts drowning in the middle of a tornado like an idiot.

Red Wolf tries to pull some food chain stuff on Tigra, claiming that the wolf spirit is burning brighter in him than ever and that a cat has no chance against him.

Which Tigra counters by boasting that she just learned that she’s a legendary warrior in cat culture.

So, take that.

Also, apparently cowboy Ghost Rider has a flying horse and can go intangible so I guesssssss he’s not just ‘have gun will superhero.’

Fair enough, fair enough.

Anyway, Hawkeye shoots a gas arrow at him and then punches him in the head with a head punch arrow once Ghost Rider retangibles outside the gas to breathe.

Firebird bemoans that the Avengers are all doing good against their opponents while she’s having trouble with a dynamaxed wolf. She decides its because she’s distracted by all the evil and tells Mockingbird they’re switching opponents.

Firebird flips Lobo right in front of a confused Mockingbird (who nevertheless immediately hits the giant wolf in the throat). Then Firebird flares up a firebird aura, blinding everyone but Shooting Star.

PROVING THAT SHE’S A DEMON!

Then she grabs Shooting Star’s wrists and demands she stop possessing everyone or else she’ll burn Shooting Star’s “demon-spirit.”

The rest of the Rangers immediately snap out of their aggro wondering what’s happening.

Texas Twister: “Ah dreamed ah lost a fight with the Thang -- !”

The Thang: “That wuz no dream -- that wuz yer life!”

Zing!

Demon Shooting Star reveals her real form. AND STILL SPEAKS IN THE PHONETIC ACCENT MY GOD.

So the wildest thing is revealed by the demon. APPARENTLY SHOOTING STAR NEVER EXISTED!

This demon just liked to go around looking like a hot lady cowboy. And y’know what, good for you, demon. Live your bliss.

But then when her cool cowlady life got complicated by a bunch of heroes banding together into some kind of Southwest themed super team, it threatened Shooting Star’s cool cowlady life because she knew that Firebird’s Detect Evil would eventually detect Shooting Star.

So she sabotaged the team so that it never formed.

Easy peasy.

But when Firebird did a take two on trying to make the Rangers happen, Shooting Star got desperate and figured she had to kill Firebird. So she possessed the other Rangers and uh I’m not sure what the step 2 to that plan was. Lure her away somewhere?

The demon claims she couldn’t just possess Firebird because of that incinerating soul thing, which Firebird doesn’t even remember saying!

The Thing doesn’t care about this demon’s cool cowlady larping life and just tells her to reveal why she was skulking about on Earth WHICH SHOOTING STAR WILL NEVER REVEAL.

Tigra: “Then let me take a guess! If we’re talking demons, it’s got something to do with our old pal Master Pandemonium -- right?”

Shooting Star: “How did yew know that? And what do yew know of that man?”

Ha. Tigra made a guess that having two different demon things happening at the same time would be ridiculous.

Also, how convenient that they needed a lead on Master Pandemonium and Firebird prayed to god about something unrelated and it brought them a lead on Master Pandemonium.

The Jack Kirby Above All works in mysterious ways.

(Okay so even though this issue makes the frankly hilariously bonkers claim that Shooting Star never existed, there’s this whole thing about Texas Twister selling his soul to enhance his powers but Shooting Star winding up possessed instead. So this is the real Shooting Star after all, except possessed. That’s far less interesting than demon that just wants to be a cowgirl but I guess frees up Shooting Star to be an ongoing concept. Shrug.)

Follow @essential-avengers​ because of reasons. Good reasons? Yes. Like and reblog maybe?

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching The Magnificent Seven

Welcome to “This Episode Coulda Used a Mister Yuck Sticker: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

 Up today, s3e1: The Magnificent Seven

  The boys and Bobby start their search for all those demons Azazel let out of hell and discover that the first ones they bump into are the embodiment of the Seven Deadly Sins. They kinda-almost team up with a couple of other hunters, who claim they work better alone. Spoiler: they don't, and one ends up drinking Drano. Sam, Dean, and Bobby capture one of the Sins and get some info from him before the surviving hunter of the couple exorcises him back to hell, but not before the other Six come to get him. There's a Big Fight and the boys win, but nobody's super happy in the morning. Dean's starting to realize the consequences of his demon deal, as are Sammy and Bobby, plus they feel pretty hopeless about sorting out the demon mess unleashed at the end of last season. So, just another week in the life of a Winchester, really. Oh, and Ruby shows up for the first time. Gross. We hates her, precious.

 Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

  Lor:

mmmm I have missed our boys

 Mace:

YAS

Mace:

 nice placement of Hells Bells

 Lor:

YES

 Mace:

oh wait. this isn’t hells bells, is it?

 Mace:

god, all their songs sound exactly the same

 Mace:

 ope it IS hells bells

 Lor:

I dunno. I like the use of it whichever one it is

 Lor:

HAAAAAHAHAHAHA

 Lor:

(Dean is having a little fit off in the corner)

 Mace:

 HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA sorry DeanDean

 Lor:

dammit dude stop trapping raccoons in your trash bins

 Mace:

SNORK!

 I was just about to yell at him for not running the hell away from the bins

 Lor:

also put your car in its god-given garage

 Lor:

haaaaahahahaha

 Lor:

I mean, yes that too

 Mace:

 his garage is full of his taxidermy supplies, Lor. cripes.

 Lor:

HAAAAAHAHAHAHA

 silly of me, really

 Mace:

 don’t judge until you know all the facts.

 Lor:

SNORK

 Mace:

 OMG DEAN

 Lor:

aw Sammeh, doing research

 Mace:

 sammy doing sadness research i love him

 Lor:

he's having a nice time

 Lor:

YES

 Mace:

YES

 Mace:

“oh god"

 Mace:

 so what did Sam just see?

 Lor:

haaaahahahah Sam

 Lor:

he saw his brother having a menage with a man and a woman

 I will not be convinced otherwise

 Mace:

 well Dean didn’t specify what kind of twins…

 Lor:

EXACTLY

 Lor:

(in seriousness, something slightly unusual had to be happening there. otherwise his reaction seems OTT)

 Lor:

when did you ever sweat the cholesteral, baby?

 Mace:

(YEP)

 Mace:

 HAHAHA

 Lor:

LORD they are pretty

 Mace:

YES THEY ARE

 Mace:

 (you didn’t mean the corpses, I assume)

 Lor:

(haaaaaahahahahahaha I did not)

 Mace:

 I also need to know what movie that is

 Lor:

agreed

 Lor:

his face should be illegal. the symmetry is NONSENSE

 Mace:

 YES

 Lor:

OMG DEAN

 Lor:

the hand

 Mace:

 YES

 Lor:

Sam Winchester. Ain't no one got a small talk answer to that question

 Mace:

 right? should have known better - all hunters start with a death in the family

 Lor:

yep

 Lor:

"this ain't Scooby Doo" and Dean's face

 Mace:

 YAS

 Lor:

he's cute, y'all, but he WILL go off on you

 Mace:

SNORK

 Mace:

 oh UGH

 Lor:

oh LAUREL

 Lor:

goddamn I always forget about Ruby 1.0

 Mace:

 you misspelled UGH there

 Lor:

HA!

 Mace:

 omg the hand twitch EW

 Lor:

see I wouldn't GET killed by a demon cause I would have been like "Oh, okay. you take them."

 Mace:

HAHAHA YEP

 Mace:

 and then go home and cry

 Lor:

YEP

 Lor:

DEAN WINCHESTER, you stop milking it and face your feelings, boy

 Mace:

 ooof, we’ve got most of a season before that happens

 Lor:

yeah

 Lor:

"see? I'm working"

 Mace:

“see? I’m working"

 Mace:

 HAHAHA

 Lor:

he is so ANNOYINGLY adorable

 Mace:

 HE IS

 Lor:

HAAAAAAHAHAHAHA omg Sam

 Mace:

 YAS

 Lor:

the shadows of the raindrops on their faces is pretty cool

 Mace:

YES

 Mace:

 poor Bobby. surrounded by idjits all the time

 Lor:

yep

 Mace:

 oh god this is one of THE WORST deaths in the show

 Lor:

yeeeeeeep

 Lor:

If I remember rightly this is what made [friend] quit watching

 Lor:

they never even GOT to Cas

 Mace:

 aw, that sucks

 Lor:

yeah

 Lor:

but, man it IS awful

 Mace:

 YEP

 Lor:

"I'm dead already" THERE it is

 Mace:

YEP

 Mace:

 “WHAT’S IN THE BOX” HAHAHAHA

 Lor:

DEAN

 Lor:

"Brad Pitt? Seven? No?" I luff him

 Mace:

 YES

 Lor:

Bobby mad is a very different kind of "yes, sir, whatever you say" than Dean and Cas and Sam mad

 Mace:

snork

 agreed

 Lor:

I mean, it's really more thanks to Azazel

 Mace:

 true

 Lor:

but that was last season, so never mind

 Mace:

SNORK

 Mace:

 HEY. BACK OFF THE DEANDEAN.

 Lor:

RIGHT?

 Lor:

He's never done anything wrong in his pretty, symmetrical life

 Mace:

SNORK

 Mace:

 that’s one of my mom’s favorite hymns

 Lor:

it's kind of lovely

 Mace:

 it’s okay

 Lor:

it would probably make Pride really mad to know no one's paying attention to him because everyone's distracted by Sam's lovely face

 Mace:

 HAHAHA YAS

 Lor:

She's the most annoying thing about S3, Sam

 Mace:

 YES SHE IS

 Lor:

"think she's gonna be all right?" "no, definitely not"

 Mace:

 oh Dean

 Lor:

yeah

 Mace:

 BOYS

 Lor:

aw, Dean, knowing he's gonna die makes him a little brat, apparently

 Lor:

we don't ever see her again, do we?

 Mace:

 i don’t think so

 Lor:

cool Black hunter, one-off. her husband, dead in act ii

 Mace:

 YEP

 Lor:

Yes, Dean, you're about as far away from Mardi Gras as you can get

 Mace:

 Bobby’s car makes me thing that Baby isn’t the only car that reflects… things… about the show. Hunters don’t drive ‘normal’ cars; it’s another reflection of their outsider status

 Lor:

oooo YES

 Lor:

"so what now I live and you die?" "that's the general idea"

 Mace:

 YEP. FUCK YOU 873

 Lor:

YES

 Lor:

kicks 327

 Mace:

 OH! I got 2 numbers right!

 Lor:

you do not feel good, Dean. you're tore up inside. and it's gonna come out eventually

 Lor:

HAAAAAHAHAHAH you DID

[dystopia-fantasy]

Always read the job description -Part 1

Max was a fit, well built man. He had been body building since he was 14 and now In his early 40s he has the body of a god, but is slowly getting to the age when he needs to find another way to make money. He knows he can't take part in his competitions anymore, and needs to take it easy. He got great grades in school and college, proving people wrong that you can't be a nerd in a jock body.

Max had some money saved and was able to keep up on bills for a few months but needed a job to keep his large house, in the rich area of the city. He got a call from a business he applied to a couple of days ago, telling him to go in for an interview tomorrow, and if it goes well he will be sent straight on a trip for the company. He gets his new blue suit ready to be worn the next day.

The morning arrives, it's 5am, and Max wakes. He does his normal morning routine, making breakfast, working out, taking a shower, then gets his suit on ready for his early morning interview. Driving to the office building in the middle of New York, it's at least 50 stories high, and is made of mostly glass, and is one of the newest modern builds in the city.

On arrival a large man in his late 60s wearing a suit greets him, "hello sir, you must be max, Sir Mammon is on his way down to collect you, may I say what an amazing suit you have on today".

Max looks the man up and down, seeing the man's huge belly flowing out from under his dress shirt, showing a massive W shape, "thanks mate, you might want a bigger shirt" then points to his belly.

"sorry if I offended you sir, but all clothing has been chosen by Sir Mammon himself" Mammon is the big boss of the business "if you would like to make a complaint I can print you a form".

Max laughs, "No thanks, I'm gonna sit over there, tell Mammon im there".

"will do sir, have a great day" the man says while max walks away paying no more attention to him.

About 15 minutes later a young handsome slender man walks over. "Max is it?" He says behind Max.

"yes.." max says confused.

"I'm Mammon, nice to meet you" he smiles holding his hand out for a shake.

"oh hello Mammon, is wasn't expecting someone so young, no offence of course" max shaking his hand.

Mammon let's out a little laugh, with a little grin "it's ok max, people don't expect someone like me to own such a remarkable company like this one would you like to follow me, we can go up to my office, this is Mark by the way, he's my Butler". Mark is another large man aged around 50, he has a massive belly stuffed into his suit, hes huffing and puffing, like he ran a marithon, "don't mind him, most of my staff are..."

Max cuts him off "fat?"

They both laugh, "you could say that Max" the elevator arrives and they all walk in, "now max, you did read the whole advertisement correct?".

Max didn't, it's was 48 pages long, who would read it all? He just looked at the wage he would get, it started at $100,000 per month. "Yes, I did".

"that's good, most guys are more keen to keep their body's but I guess if your struggling you'll do anything."

Max now confused just nod's and watches though the glass elevator as they fly up to the top floor.

"where here sir" Mark the butler says peacefully in his British accent.

They walk into the room, and Mammon sits at his desk pouring himself a glass of wisky, and Max one too. Max looks around in aww, the room was covered in art work, with the walls painted in golds and whites and had its own bar. "How do you have all this money?" Max asked.

"a mix of many things, this company, and a few investments paid for this whole building, I have many other ways but we're not here for that." Mammon points at the seat," take a seat max" Max sits the chair is made from leather and is very comfy. "So, max, I've gone through your file, I think you're perfect for the job."

"so, does that mean I have the job?" Max replies confused, expecting to be asked a question.

"well yes, if you agree to the terms"

"terms?" Max still confused.

"well yes, you expect to be paid 10times the amount the normal person for this job without any terms or conditions?"

"well I didn't know.." Max gets cut off.

"Max let me simplify them for you. You sacrifice your body to the company, and in trade you get, $100k X the amount you weigh paid into your account per month, So if you weigh 450lbs, you get $450k a month."

"what the fuck? That's sick, I'm not doing that, I'm leaving" and with that Max got up from the chair and stood face to face with Mammon, with the desk all that is separating them. "Your sick, you fa**ot".

With that Mammon's eyes glow a bright red. "I'm a what?" Max got through back against the chair by an invisible force. "Max you could have just left with your freedom, but now look what you've gotten yourself into".

"Let me go, What the fuck?" Max says while traped against that chair, it chreeking with the force of his muscle.

"I'm a fucking demon max, I'm never going to 'let you go'" he took a second break to mock max, "now, what did you say? Fa**ot, was it?".

"fuck, I didn't mean it" the force pins him down harder, trapping his arms against the leather chair arms, and pushing his legs against the underboard. "Please let me go home, I won't do it again."

"shut up max, the process is already starting".

Max looks down to see his body deflating, his pecs turning from mountain peaks to a flat surface, his giant powerful arms turning weak and light. And then looking up he sees a whole new man infront of him.

"Not as big as I thought I would get, but boy I'm big" he took a break to admire his new giant arms and pecs.

"what the?" Max looks in confusion, "how did you do that? Give me them back".

"what are you gonna do max? I'm an infinitely powerful being and you, your an old man, or at least your going to be."

"I'm only 42, what do you mean, going to be?"

"you see I don't have my infinite life span on earth, so to stay alive and in this fit body, I absorb anything a guy has and I want. In your case, these massive muscles, but then I need to absorb their life force as well, in order to make sure I don't age."

"what do you mean life force?"

"well, you have roughly 50 years, worth of life left, I'll drain about 20 years leaving you in your future crippled body at around age 60, force you to work for the company for another 20 years, then when your 80 drain the rest of your life, which after you get fat won't be much, then you got to hell."

"man your sick, let me go, LET ME GO!".

A bright red light shoots from Peters hand enveloping Max's whole body, and he starts to age, his face wrinkling, skin dropping, eye sight worsening, hearing getting muffled, and mind changing a little. "Max, you ok old man?".

"yes sir" max was confused in his mind, why did he say sir?

"max, you ready for your Cruise? You can have tones of food for the next 6 months."

"Yes sir, I'm ready" max lifts his head, opening his eyes to see a new blurry room from his new old eyes.

"you're gonna need these from now on" Peters eyes glow and a new pair of glasses appear on Max's face he can now see clear.

"thank you... Sir", max blinks seeing Peter infront of him, "what have you, done to me".

"Max, I've turned you into the perfect office worker, old, brainiac, who is soon going to get fat and live the rest of his life, in an office chair for me, don't worry for accomodation you live here now, we have apartments on floor 30 to 40, all workers live here, it's policy, we have also sent a team to your house to, well, blow it up, that way nobody is going to be looking for you, becuase we can plant a body"

"give me... My.... Body back, give me... My.. life back."

"Max we both know that will never happen, now enjoy a life of gluttony, and prepare yourself for hell, that's gonna be worse then anything I can do to you." Peter snaped his fingers and a red glow enveloped max.

Recovering from the glow max sees two men infront of him with a trolly of sorts between them. "Is he awake" one says,

"I don't know" said the other.

"im- awake" max said in a much older raspy voice.

"good we can now start the feeding" the man on the left said, his body as muscled as a god, ripped from head to toe, and we can see everything.

Max rubs his eyes under his glasses and opens them again, "Fucking hell, put some clothes on both of you".

Both men where nude, one a ripped god, another muscled up but with a big gut. "Clothes are banned here mate" the beefy man said in a type of Australia accent, "you cant say much fella, look at that tiny pecker".

The men laughed pointing at Max's shriveled up old cock and low hanging balls, "what the fuck"max tries to move his arm to cover him but his arm doesn't move, he looks down to see him stuck in a chair, with a cut out hole under his ass, and straps tying him down, trapping him. "What... Are you gonna do to me?" Max asked sceared.

The men laughed at him again, "no need to act to sceared, we're here to feed you for the next 6 months".

"but... Sir said..." Max get cut off.

"he said you'd be going on a cruise? Fucking hell are you dumb? He's a demon, you shouldn't trust a demon" The muscled guy says.

"bro let's start the feeding we have 50 other guys to see and I wanna watch football Tonight." The beefy guys says, and in unison both their eyes glowed a bright red, showing they where demons too.

The trolly between them had several items on top, one long tube, which floated in the air for a few moments before shoving itself down maxes nostril and deep into his stomach, his head flipped back trying to wriggle it out, but it was stuck. Another item moved into his frame, a IV bag holder, holding a giant barrel type object made of glass, and two large bags floated of the table again and started to drain into the barrel, and the tube connected itself to it, starting a flow of the liquid into maxes stomach.

"done" the beffy guy said. "Now we'll be back tomorrow to refill your barrel, and clean you up if you make a mess, but youll basically be unconscious for the next 6 months, due to the drugs were feeding you."

"so enjoy your sleep mate, you'll litterally wake up a different man." The two men laughed and walked out, max tried fighting the restraints but in his crippled form could do nothing. The door slammed and locked, and the room fell dark, max screamed begging into the darkness to be let free, and to have his life back, which he had only an hour before, but nothing happened, nobody came. He felt the drugs taking effect, but tried to fight back, but it was useless, his body slumped and loosened. His mind fell blank as he drifted of into his 6 month hibernation.