#his talent is unreal. it would be at any age but he was a kid when he showed up! he still is. he just turned 20

[doux-amer]

Thank you, Gavi, for making the transition to a new #6 easier by having a name that’s one letter different from Xavi’s (yes, I’m aware we had other #6s since Xavi’s departure. Yes, I’m aware that “Gavi” is a nickname). Imagine the hilarity if that was the case with Pedri and Iniesta too. 

[howdy-cowpoke]

TIMING: Early December LOCATION: Monty’s Farmhouse PARTIES: Monty & Gael SUMMARY: Considering what is going to be their last hangout for a while, Gael goes over to Monty’s where he can get everything off his chest and erase any secrets he might’ve been keeping from him, intentional or otherwise. CONTENT WARNINGS: none.

—

Even after all this time, all these months, and everything that had happened between the first interaction and now, Gael still felt bittersweet every time he pulled up in the dusty driveway of the dairy farm in his little ice-blue convertible. The road was dark, the air chilled and the sky overcast as it tended to be in the colder months as he removed himself from the car, his breath from a heightened body temperature puffing out as his brown eyes looking almost wistfully up at the building. It was so familiar, yet he always felt like he wasn’t quite as welcome as Monty had emphasized. That was far from his first trip out there - indeed, he tried to visit at least once a month just to catch up and hang out with the cowboy - but melancholy– no, it was sorrow.

Sorrow hung onto his thinned frame; he never quite recovered his physique from his stint out in the woods, not to mention he wasn’t really hiking, working out, going anywhere or doing anything. And after the most recent set of full moons, the final driving force that cemented the idea in his mind that he wasn’t welcome anywhere anymore, Gael looked up at the cozy house for what seemed like it would be the last time for a long time. The weight of leaving still felt somewhat unreal and more than once he reconsidered. He had friends there, even if he felt like he’d failed all of them. He had people that he liked and that liked him. He had semblances of a pack, with Alan and Alex more than willing to help. He knew he had a unique friendship in Felix and their similarities with shifting. There were the college-aged kids that he’d gotten to know, who made him laugh and all had aspirations, dreams, talents. And yet, here he was, reaching the front door as his breath danced in front of him, reaffirming to Monty, arguably his oldest and closest friend in Wicked’s Rest, that he was leaving because of his inability to tackle the problems that suddenly found themselves staring him in the face. Tentatively, with a shuddering exhale though one couldn’t have been sure if it was from the cold air or the emotions that tugged on his lungs, Gael rang the doorbell. 

—

It seemed that no matter what Monty did or said to try and convince his friend that he was wanted and seen, the man was determined to pull back and figure things out his own way. It wasn’t wrong, and Monty couldn’t fault him for wanting to disengage, considering that was all he’d done for decades. Still, he was sad to know that his friend would be going away for a while, but tried not to let that show when they were together. No reason to make it any harder than it surely already was. Gael had to do what he had to do, and it would be wrong of Monty to not support his friend in his decisions to better himself. 

So as he opened the front door, knowing who waited on the other side, he wore a warm smile. Mirabel, Señor, and their mother all lifted their heads from where they were napping, the two young cats jumping down from the couch to pad curiously over to the front door. Monty ushered Gael inside, glancing down at the felines as they recognized their real owner, meowing and rubbing up against his legs.

With the door safely shut, Monty permitted himself the melancholy that came with knowing this would likely be their final interaction for a while, and before Gael could become distracted by the cats (because who wouldn’t), he pulled his friend into a tight hug. It was an action that had once made him desperately uncomfortable, but over the months of knowing Gael, had instead become a source of genuine comfort. His friend felt smaller in his arms now than he ever had, and it only inspired the cowboy to worry about him more than he already was. In spite of this, he kept the smile on as he pulled back again, leaving one hand on the professor’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said to the other in Spanish, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Is, ah, there anything that I can get for you?” 

—

He knew the cowboy was going to have that same gentle, warm smile on his face that he did every time Gael showed up so the werewolf reciprocated; it was tired and made the hollow quality of his cheeks more noticeable but it wasn’t by any means empty. On the contrary; regardless of how he felt, regardless of what was weighing on his mind or making him want to pull away because he had never grown accustomed to sharing the burdens he carried with others, Monty’s general presence always had such a welcoming warmth to him, which he supposed was ironic considering he was a zombie. And the thoughts that he was a zombie certainly crossed his mind when he was told - he pictured a slack-jawed, drooling, unthinking creature with milky white eyes and a shambling gait. Monty wasn’t any of those, though. At least, he did everything in his power to prevent that. His eyes were dark and sparkled. His heart was still but it was so much more full of life and love than seemed possible sometimes, whether literally or rhetorically. And as Monty opened the door, greeting the professor with that warm smile, immediately pulling him into a hug, for just a moment Gael completely forgot why he was there. The thoughts that he was going to leave fled from his mind, similarly to how they’d done when he told Alan. Every person he told, every person who told him that he didn’t have to, gave him pause. Time had come to a standstill with each of those moments, feeling like he was thrust into a game show where the camera had paused on him while he made a decision, only he never knew if it was the right one. That was how Gael felt now as he, in turn, wrapped his arms around Monty. He felt his cats mewling up at him for attention but there would be time to focus on them. At that moment, as the thoughts of leaving disappeared, he felt Monty. His room temperature skin. His non-beating heart. The complex musculature of a working man and how… full it was despite being a walking corpse. It was like a puzzle had been solved, just slightly too late. Gael welcomed the embrace though, only pulling away once Monty had - how far the cowboy had come since their first interaction. How similar they really were, how foolish the professor had been all those months. “Thank you for having me over; sorry it’s such short notice.” He replied in Spanish before he snapped his fingers, trying to keep an overall light tone to this initial interaction, at least, before having the inevitable breakdown as the gravity of what he was doing crashed down on his withered frame. “Y’know, I should’ve brought some alcohol. Like, super spicy stuff for you.” He laughed. “Water. Water would be good.” He offered instead, placing a hand atop Monty’s and supplying it with some of his excess body heat before looking down at the cats. “Hello my kittens! Give me just a moment to settle then you’ll get pets, too.”

—

“It's no problem, my friend,” Monty responded in turn, laughing at the suggestion that he should've brought booze. “Perhaps next time, ah?” If there was a next time. The somber thought nearly brought a frown to his face but he fought it off, instead giving Gael's shoulder a squeeze. “Come.” He led the way to the familiar kitchen, the remnants of whatever Daisy had been doing in there that morning strewn about. She was something of a whirlwind, sometimes, but Monty didn’t mind it. He actually preferred it because without her (and now Kaden), the house had never felt very lived in. 

Moving a spool of twine from the kitchen table to a nearby basket, rewinding it as he went, Monty cleared away a couple more things before getting a glass from the cabinet and filling it with water for his guest. Passing it off, he nodded his head at the porch through the window. “Let’s sit outside, it’s nice right now.” It was a warm afternoon for the time of year, and as the cowboy led Gael out to the chairs that faced out toward the yard and distant barns and pastures, he grabbed a thick, short branch that was clearly being carved into something. 

Taking a seat, the zombie removed the knife from its sheath on his belt and started to chip away at the piece of wood. He glanced up from it to look at Gael, giving him a soft smile. 

“Do you know where you will be going?” 

—

“Next time, for sure.” Though he couldn’t have been sure if there would be a next time. Gael cursed the rate at which information had been ignored and subsequently forced upon him; would it have been easier if he had come to terms with everything sooner? Should he have been more open and accepting of others, despite trying his best to be when he was told about them? So, with these thoughts in his head and no certainty on which ones to consider further - he could speculate all he wanted, but everything up until this point was in the past - Gael followed his oldest friend in town through the nostalgic house. He wished the positive memories of the quaint, warm farmhouse weren't spiked with the distressing ones; the first meeting, the mornings he showed up after. …Now. And even then, it was different than before. He caught Kaden’s scent on occasion, flitting in and out of the air like a wisp. Denver, Dallas, everyone else, they all carried unique traces about them. It was almost a shame that Gael was so slow to realize what he was, so insistent that he wasn’t a monstrous animal that murdered things without provocation. Through the kitchen they went, pausing as dark eyes found the sun that came through the window if only to have something to look at that wasn’t following Monty’s figure as he absently cleared some space. A glass of water, requested so he had something to hold, was given to Gael and as though he and the zombie had the same thought, the latter suggested they sit outside. That worked - the reluctant werewolf’s body temperature, always seeming to run just slightly higher than average on a relaxing day, felt like it was threatening to singe him as his emotions ran rampant through his mind. He sat in the seat parallel to Monty, his brow twitching as he could feel the mottled scar on his lower back being pressed against the wooden slats. The cowboy had taken to carving, and Gael kept his gaze looking out to the rest of the ranch, leaning forward and holding the glass in both hands as he placed his elbows on his knees. “Nope.” He replied first to Monty’s inquiry, trying his best to keep his tone from getting too… emotional, he supposed. “No idea. Thinking about visiting the family down in Arizona.” He paused. “Told my kid that I’d help her find some answers for what’s been going on in her life.” He ultimately decided to share this with Monty - the two didn’t have many secrets between them anymore, and the werewolf had reached a point where Ren wasn’t something he felt like he should’ve had to hide.

—

Nodding as Gael answered, Monty looked contemplative. “Arizona will be good… you should see family.” And it sounded like there was some family he was taking with him. That was good. Monty didn’t like the idea of Gael being alone, so he was glad that there was someone close to him that would be by his side. 

He chipped a few more pieces away before speaking again, his tone and the way he held himself with a calm confidence conveying how genuinely pleased he was to hear about this development, and how he didn’t doubt for a moment that Gael would make an excellent father figure for anyone who needed it. “This kid, she is lucky to have you,” he responded thoughtfully. Obviously Gael would have been worried about putting her in danger, so he felt it was safe to assume she knew — about him, and also how to protect herself. There seemed no shortage of those types in this town, anyway.  He wouldn’t prod for details though, instead leaving the door open for Gael to pass through if he so chose. It was enough that he told the cowboy about her, and about his plans to leave and figure himself out. Monty didn’t need or want much more than that. As long as Gael was happy, he was happy. 

He leaned back in his chair, gaze on the horizon for a few beats. There was something he wanted to say, but he worried that it was too selfish. This journey didn’t involve him, and he shouldn’t play any part in how it was to unravel, but… 

“I hope… that you discover what you need to… quickly,” he offered with a breathy chuckle, knowing how it sounded. “I will miss you, Gael. But I am proud of you.”

—

“I’m lucky to have her, if anything.” Gael laughed, the smile lingering on his face longer than the laugh did in the crisp air. He could function on his own, despite how often he didn’t want to. All the times he tried not to think of them as wasted because something fell through, all the ambitions that he had that he’d never see come to fruition. He could function on his own, he told himself until he thought about how close he was to dying out in the middle of the woods. He thought about the look on Alan’s face. He thought about the conversations he had with just about everyone who mattered that didn’t… pretend he didn’t exist. He supposed Regan wouldn’t be there when he got back. It didn’t matter. Right now mattered. And the werewolf leaned back from how he was sitting in the chair himself, keeping his dark gaze looking out as it had been, feeling rather like a cowboy himself at that moment as he heard the rhythmic shaving from Monty, holding his glass of water. He inhaled the scent of the farm, Monty’s smell mingling in with it. The whole place smelled of him, whether that was psychosomatic or not. “I hope so, too.” The same gentle smile easily found itself back on Gael’s face, though he resisted the urge to look over at the zombie. “I’ve gotten rather fond of everyone here. I just…” He faltered, his brow twitching as a pang of guilt involuntarily prodded at him despite how hard he tried not to let it. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t a choice that he made lightly. He had killed a woman. And instead of accepting it and working with Alan and Alex, he was… chasing an idea, a fantasy. Or was he just running for the first time in his life? “I’ll miss you, too.” Of course he would. He’d probably miss Monty the most; a quiet, unrequited crush that dissolved under the weight of eternally owing the cowboy for the support, the trust, the secrets that he knew the zombie held longer than Gael himself was willing to acknowledge them. “Wait ‘til I come back before you be proud of me.” He scoffed, a light, playful sound that accompanied his smile turning sheepish. “I just hope to find something. You get it. You know how it feels to suddenly… not be what you were before. What you were so used to being.” Gael blinked, lowering his gaze and pinching the bridge of his nose. “It feels… so strange. Like I don’t know who I am anymore.” 

—

Monty could understand Gael’s hesitation, his uncertainty that this would accomplish anything. He could understand it better than most. “I know it is scary. I know it might not feel like the right thing to do, or it might feel like the only thing to do… there is no right answer, Gael. And so there are no wrong answers, either. You will find your way, of this I am certain. How that happens… it may take a few tries, yes? A few stumbles along the way. That is okay.” He set his project down in his lap to reach across the small space between them and put a hand on Gael’s arm, coaxing his hand away from his face. He offered his friend a sympathetic smile and nod, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. 

“You are still you,” he assured him. “This new part of you… it does not subtract. It just adds. You are still you, you are just now more complicated than before.” He thought of Alan—someone he’d not known before the realtor was a werewolf, but who he imagined was not all that different from what he was now. 

“Your new family, she will help make this easier. Not because she knows anything you do not, but because she knows your deepest truths. This… this is what Alan and Daisy offered to me. This is what helped me become a person again. What helped me feel something like myself again.” Better than before, if he really thought about it. Someone with a desire to do good and be a positive impact on the world. The fact that it was driven by guilt for the wrongs in his past seemed irrelevant to this conversation, since he didn’t want to add to whatever guilt Gael was already carrying over the accident. “And no, I will not wait! I am proud of you for taking this step, my friend. I will always be proud of you, because you are always trying to act in ways that benefit others, that lift them up. That is something you should be proud of, too. This journey is just about how to keep doing that and figuring out how to manage the things you cannot control. You will find a way. I know you will.”

—

No right answers meant there were no wrong answers. Gael had mentioned that Monty knew how he felt, but sometimes, in that painfully human way, he had temporarily forgotten how well Monty knew how he felt. He’d only been dealing with it for a hundred more years. He felt the zombie’s cool hand on his arm and the gentle guide to lower his hand with the purpose of looking at Monty this time. The zombie’s warm expression, betraying the logic that he was undead, meeting the werewolf’s own that always seemed welling with tears, a brow that was consistently knitted in the middle with an unspoken concern. As Monty spoke, Gael was reminded of how the things he said could’ve been reflected back at the people he spoke about these matters to. It was so easy for him to discredit everything he’d done up until that point because he was convinced that whoever he was before that night in the woods had died. Yet, when he applied that to Monty, or Alan, or Daisy or Alex, the thought didn’t make sense to him. Of course they were still them, it seemed obtuse to think otherwise. But Alan had been a werewolf for over a decade. Zombies were essentially frozen in time when it came to age. ‘More complicated’ felt like an apt description, though he still felt the pull of thinking less of himself. The Wolf didn’t add anything of value to him. It decreased his self-worth. It felt like it should’ve been so easy to just remove. It was so easy to remember before he had to worry about it. The werewolf wiped his eyes with the heel of a hand and he managed another scoff with a laugh at his own emotional vulnerability. He supposed that didn’t change, at least. “You’re right. You’re right a lot.” He replied. “But hey! I finally got you to admit that you’re a person, which is much better than a decorative houseplant.” Gael added playfully, placing one of his hands over the zombie’s gently. “Her name’s Ren.” The shifter said after a moment of silence. “I don’t know if you met her. She’s small and has wild red hair. She, uh… saved me from this monster that was living in a really deep puddle.” It sounded utterly ridiculous now that he was saying it aloud. “And that’s not a metaphor. …Entirely. There really was this puddle that was like… abyssal. And it housed like a mutated alligator-looking thing.” He moved his arms in an attempt to mimic what the thing looked like and about what size it was, which he was sure wasn’t actually helping. Another pause. “...Isn’t that all any of us can do at the end of the day.” There was a soft sigh as Gael calmed back down. “Just figure out how to manage the things we can’t control. For some of us it’s a dependency. For others it’s a monster. Some of us are born with it. But isn’t it so human, trying to find out how to control it?” His other hand subconsciously found the necklace that Emilio had gifted him, gently pressing a thumb against one of the points of the nails that formed the cross. “Can you promise me just one thing?” He asked, turning his gaze to Monty once more.

—

Monty sucked in a short breath, taken aback by his friend’s astute observation—he had upgraded himself to personhood at some point over the last few months, hadn’t he? His lips parted to protest but then he thought better of it, instead just chuckling and shaking his head. “Ah. So I did,” he conceded, offering Gael a shrug. Sometimes he was so busy worrying about other people’s trials and tribulations that he forgot to recognize his own strides in improving himself and his life. He would be remiss if he didn’t at least let Gael know that he played a part in that. “You inspire me to be better. To… appreciate what I have. I am grateful for that.” 

He hadn’t met Ren, but he hoped he might get the chance some day. If not, at least he knew she had Gael. “A puddle?” he parroted the other, looking as surprised as he felt. Still, he couldn’t discredit what his friend was saying, laughing when the werewolf spread his arms to try and suggest the size of the beast—after all, Kaden had gotten dosed with hallucinogenics by a frog, of all things. Frankly it sounded entirely plausible. “Gosh, I’m glad she was there, then! That does not sound like it was a fun time.”

He nodded along at Gael’s observation of humanity, finding it to be very true. His gaze fell to the necklace as his friend fiddled with it, then back up to his face when he felt the other’s gaze on him. “Of course, anything,” he responded without hesitation, straightening up in his chair as he waited to hear what Gael had to ask of him.

—

“Psht, we’re all grateful that you’re here; if you weren’t, I probably wouldn’t be, either.” It really was so much easier for Gael to focus on others, even if it wasn’t what the other person wanted. He wasn’t the only one who had grown over the past few months; Monty had maintained his kind, gentle demeanor while being able to find love, let himself accept physical affection, make decisions based on what he wanted to do, stand up to someone like Emilio. It warmed Gael’s heart to see anyone grow, no matter how minute it was. And he was thankful that Monty had so many people in this second life, that he had those chances to be who he wanted to be, to be a person who could love, do the things that made him happy. But then he thought about what he wanted to ask and the context that Monty was a zombie, and for a moment, he fell silent. His eyes didn’t swell with tears this time as he thought about how he wanted to word his request and he contemplated abandoning it altogether, but the contemplation was evident on his sunken face. “On the off-chance that, I dunno, something happens to me and I can’t come back, can you take the memories of me with you?” The words came out, possibly not making sense but Gael was sure to explain a little further just in case. “I know, it’s selfish, but… There’s something a little… tragically comforting in knowing that even when you die, someone will be there to carry your memory.” He explained, fiddling with the cross to give his hands something to do. He felt childish, as though he were actually asking for something as silly as a dollar for some frozen ice. “Like I said, it’s selfish. That’s not fair to you; you didn’t ask to be effectively immortal.” He exhaled. “And, I mean, I do plan on coming back! It’s just… I thought, when I was out in the woods for a couple of weeks, I thought…” The words were getting caught in his throat on occasion. “I thought, when I died, that…” He couldn’t finish the thought, as it turned out. The thought that that was it, that he was just another thing there and gone, to be lost to time. That no one would know he was gone, that no one would think he deserved to be mourned or searched for. He realized how foolish he sounded, maybe, or how selfish it was. In any case, the rest of the sentence died in his mouth and he gave Monty a look, sad but not teary-eyed. Regretful and almost as though he knew the answer but there was some selfish part of him that needed to hear it come from the zombie.

—

He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d been expecting, but this wasn’t it. Monty frowned in a concerned sort of way, but just listened quietly while the other explained his thought process. He could understand it, the sentiment in Gael’s heart and why he felt the need to ask for such a thing, having had the same thought himself. Before he was doomed to walk this earth forever, of course. He set aside the knife and the thing he was carving, getting to his feet only to crouch again in front of the chair Gael sat in. He stole the glass of water from Gael and then took both of his friend’s hands in his own, looking up at him with a determined expression.

“The ones that matter stay with me. The man whose cruelty started me on the path of being a kinder and more compassionate person, even though the last time I saw him was in 1904, he remains a part of me. And you…” He huffed out a sigh, shifting his weight almost anxiously, giving Gael’s hands a squeeze. “I was going to carry you with me whether or not you asked me to. It is not selfish to want to know that you had an impact.” It was hitting him harder now—the knowledge that his friend was leaving for some indeterminate amount of time. It didn’t matter how much Gael insisted he would be coming back, because neither of them knew when, and there was still always that possibility that he wouldn’t. Monty would never voice this fear aloud, he wouldn’t want to give it any kind of credence, but it was there in the back of his mind. Crouched like a predator, making him fearful and upset. 

“You have, Gael. More than you can know.” His calm, even tone had become somewhat constricted, like it was becoming more difficult to speak. And it was, because it broke his heart to think that there was any possibility that Gael felt like this might not have been true. “You mean so much to me, you…” Frustrated and feeling like the words weren’t doing a good enough job of saying what needed saying, Monty rose to his feet and pulled Gael up out of the chair, grasping him in an even fiercer hug than before, his composure shot to shit in one fell swoop. His eyes stung with tears as he stared at nothing in particular beyond Gael’s shoulder, and he just held on like the next time he let go, that would be it.

—

Just as it was easier for him to focus on others, it was also easier not to get emotional as his studious, contemplative expression was effortlessly shifted into one of… he wasn’t sure as Monty crouched in front of him with a steadfast expression. It didn’t feel right, it never felt right. Gael was the one to match others in height, change himself to match them; not the other way around. It never felt right. Just like it never felt like he was making the right decision whenever he left. There was always someone or something worth staying for and by making the choice to leave, he was leaving those people or things. Monty was in front of him, assuring him that he wouldn’t be forgotten, in that childish way he needed to be assured - the lack of permanence that when someone left the room, they left reality. Of course Monty would remember him, it was so dumb of Gael not to think that. Or was it haughty? Was it more selfish to ask someone to carry that weight or to assume it would be? He didn’t know as the cowboy’s words faltered, standing, pulling him to stand and taking him in another embrace. This one was tighter, yet less restricted. Exposed, shining through the facade of politeness, emotional restraint. Gael knew that Monty would be okay - he’d been okay for a century. The man was much hardier than the werewolf himself would’ve ever thought months ago, and that thought itself just went to show how Gael really hadn’t been there that long. Still though, despite the negative thoughts tugging on his mind, the shifter easily reciprocated the hug, closing his own eyes as he once more felt the nuances in Monty’s body and how alive he felt despite knowing better now. “I’ll miss you, brother.” The words were muffled into the cowboy’s shirt but he made sure they were audible nonetheless. He’d never had a brother before. He’d had friends that he felt filled the role, of course, but they either left him or he left them. Just as he was doing now, with Monty, with Alan. Gael loved quickly and easily, sometimes too easily, and that got him in trouble. But he never regretted it. He never regretted loving deeply, broadly, he never felt pulled thin by it as he thought about everyone in his life, everyone he took with him despite his own limited time on earth. Did he love Montaña? Yes. He did, even if he didn’t feel it appropriate to say so. Brothers, with aches and troubles and things inside them that turned them into monsters. Things that tested them, things that made them realize what was important. He was so glad that Monty had those people in his life. But letting go, even if for a little while, felt so insurmountably difficult sometimes.

—

“I’ll miss you too, mi hermano,” Monty reciprocated softly. He knew that what he was feeling was mostly pity for himself, for having to let the other go. Since opening himself up to a wider circle of friends, this was the first one he’d had to say goodbye to. He hadn't realized it would be so difficult, even with the promise of a reunion on the horizon. The friends and family he'd lost over a century ago had been so abrupt and confusing and traumatizing that he'd not really had the time or clarity to process it, but here? Now? He was all too aware of the ache this was causing and he wished, desperately, that he could provide whatever answers or solutions or experiences that Gael needed to feel comfortable staying. But he couldn't. He knew that. This was not his fight and he had to let his friend make this choice, even if he didn't like it. He supported Gael, but that didn't mean he had to be thrilled by it.

Dried leaves pinwheeled across the yard as the wind kicked up for a few seconds, rustling the branches of the nearby trees and coaxing Monty to lessen his iron grip on his friend. “You come back to me,” he began softly, still not fully pulling away, “and I promise I will always be here for you.” He was immortal, frozen in time. Gael was not. Gael would grow older, he would enter stages of his life that Monty would never be able to experience, and eventually, he would be taken from the zombie. They all would, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do whatever he could for as long as he could to make sure they were looked after. “When you and Alan and all of my friends are… are discovering the joys of bingo night, I will be here.” He couldn’t imagine moving on from them, that just wasn’t who he was. “So come back.” Now he straightened himself up, moving so he could see Gael’s face. “I really need to know how much taller than you I will be once you start shrinking.” A grin lit up his face in spite of the way he felt, or perhaps because of it. 

—

The werewolf wasn’t aware that his own grip seemed to tighten slightly, that same childish feeling like it was the last time he was going to be able to do this even though that was defeatist. Then again, maybe part of him felt like maybe Monty would be able to feel it then. “I will.” Gael assured, finally opening his eyes that glistened in the soft morning sun. They were unfocused, but present as he returned from the moment, even managing a smile as they talked about the prospect of Gael growing old. It was humbling, in a way. Gael had never thought about death in such abstract concepts before; ghosts were in religious text but zombies sure weren’t. Before, it was considered a natural part of life - to live, grow old with the people you love, then move on to whatever came after but… would Monty have an after? Was this Monty’s after? It made the shifter realize just how limited his own time was - over forty years old, having been turned into a werewolf a little more than a year ago. Turning his life on his head, his one life, his one shot. It was difficult to think that that was all he got, and he was relegated to being forced to deal with this parasite inside of him. “Of course I’ll come back.” He reassured, leaning back so he could see Monty’s face in turn. “Even though I’ll probably still be around your height.” With that, Gael gave the cowboy a gentle, playful push. “And you’re older than me! You’ll always be older than me, don’t give me this shit about bingo!” He laughed, wiping his eyes though his face was still red from the emotions he was determined not to let overwhelm him. “As you sit in your chair and carve your wood looking out over the prairie.”

—

Monty withdrew as he was pushed, crossing an arm over his chest to grasp at his own shoulder and letting out a breathy laugh. “¡Oye! Who knows, maybe I will be discovering the joys of bingo with you!” he offered, still grinning. His arm moved to swipe at the tears with his sleeve and he found himself thankful for this intermission from the uncomfortable disquiet that was knowing this would be the last time he saw Gael for a while. And that being the case, he didn’t want it to be all doom and gloom. 

He dropped his arm and reached his hand out to Gael instead, giving his friend a warm smile. “Come on. You’d better say hello to Manzanita while you are here, I think she misses you,” he encouraged. They could walk and talk—he had a feeling that movement would help alleviate some of the unavoidable anxiety, at least in his case. 

—

“Good, maybe bingo would be less boring with you there to wake us up every once in a while.” Gael joked back, internally thankful that he wasn’t the only one who got teary-eyed during this exchange. Not that he was embarrassed, but there was something… he felt bad thinking it but there was something human about knowing that zombies could still cry, or at least show some semblance of crying. The scientist did always desperately grab at those connections, feeling like any that were severed as a failure on his part. He wouldn’t fail this time. He wasn’t running away. This was another challenge, something else for him to overcome. He had Ren by his side, he had Alan and Monty, Felix and Alex, Cass, Elias, all the people in that weird little town that he’d gotten to know. Gael wasn’t sure what he would find but he was determined to find it. He could feel his resolve, cliche as it sounded, hardening inside of him, reinforced by the conversations he had. Monty had been dealing with being a zombie for over a century, Ren was learning to be a human after spending her 20 years as a weapon. Alan had been a werewolf for ten years. Gael could learn. None of the people he cared about gave up, he wouldn’t either. The werewolf took Monty’s hand, nodding with a gentle smile of his own. It was melancholy, but in no way hollow or even tired, not this time. “I’d love to see ‘Nita; I’ve missed her, too.” He knew their conversations would ebb and flow, wax and wane as the emotions wove themselves around the words exchanged between the two but they could handle them. And Gael would remember them and his promise to come back. 

[felixbowery]

STATS

name: felix bowery age: twenty-four occupation: creator, founder & CEO of BlueStar position: bottom // switch (slight dominant / bossy lean, but doesn't mind "playing submissive") top kinks: pain play, choking, bondage, rimming, cum facials, power play, daddy kink face claim: brandon flynn

BIOGRAPHY

Being different was never easy, especially growing up that way, and Felix knew he was different in multiple ways, for however long he could even remember. Whenever the other kids would invite him to play house, he wasn't interested unless he could be married to the Dad. During Spin the Bottle, he'd get excited when it would land on the cute boy from down the street, and ignore the confused and freaked out looks when he french kissed him. After gym class, he wasn't able to hide how he checked out the other guys, and getting to suck several of them off later was absolutely worth being punched and called a fag by them the next day. Overall though, being gay wasn't what made Felix truly feel different. What separated him from others more than anything was the way he'd get straight As with no effort. How he'd easily debate his teachers and be miles ahead of all his fellow students. How he sent in one of the first programs he'D coded under a false name and was promised a full scholarship at one of the country's top tech universities - at age fourteen.

Being gifted with a way-above-average IQ and a talent for programming that he'd honed from the day he first got hands on a computer, Felix struggled to find people to bond with for most of his adolescence. He couldn't find much common ground with kids his age, most of whom were intellectually not nearly as developed as himself - yet it also seemed difficult to be respected by those older than him, especially within the field he was most interested in. The tech scene had seen plenty of teenage wannabes, nerds and amateur hackers claiming to be the next big thing on the horizon, and nobody was all too impressed with Felix's plans at first. He was ambitious, even a bit cocky at times as he never seemed to agree with any of the many voices who doubted he could do what he set out to do. Realistically, he possibly should not have been so sure he was going to be successful; Felix knew, however, that his skills were outstanding, and the quality of his code unmatched by anything out there that could've rivaled the app he was planning to launch.

The summer after his high school graduation, Felix began launching BlueStar - at first, an app targeted at gay men who could easily trade and rate each other's pictures. A simple idea on paper, though the quality of the application and its features soon skyrocketed the app to one of the most successful in its field. The chat functionalities, the AI that made for matching algorithms with a near-zero failure rate, and a frequent addition of more experimental (and increasingly adult-rated) features helped the app's popularity and market value explode, all while most people were quite unaware of the creator's identity at this point. Despite his start-up's market share starkly increasing, Felix found that most in the scene still struggled to take him seriously once he revealed himself as the face behind BlueStar; not only were people expecting an entire company to be behind an app of this quality, but a barely-legal teenage kid developing what soon was one of the lead gay social apps felt unreal to many.

Over time, Felix indeed turned his one-man operation into a full-on business, hiring a team of marketing experts, financial advisors, graphic designers - even other developers, though he was highly critical of their work from day one. After a while, even his most skeptical competitors had to admit the young startup was a legit force in the market, and despite his young age, Felix Bowery was starting to be recognized as the tech prodigy he'd proven himself to be. Still, there would always be gossip, he realized; some even had a kernel of truth to it. His most bitter rivals would claim that Felix's way to success had been enabled by wealthy men who acted as benefactors - sugar daddies, in essence. It wasn't a rumor he ever felt a need to address or deny - and in fact, there had been several investors who he'd engaged in sexual relations with in exchange for their money. He saw no issue in using his assets to his advantage; why limit that approach to just his intelligence, when he had youth and beauty on his side? Felix knew that 'sex sells' was not just a phrase, and the app embraced that more and more as well, adding features to explicitly trade and rate other users' nudes, or offer escort services via the application.

It was a duplicity that some might not have expected from him, but two sides of his personality that Felix both embraced. Yes, he was highly intelligent, his mind very structured and analytical - in some ways, he probably was a bit of a nerd. But that didn't mean he wasn't intrigued by sex. Getting kinky and letting go of all inhibition was his favorite pastime, and he'd always been an avid user of his own app. However, his curiosity was peaked one day despite having seen and witnessed quite a bit already. Unexpectedly, he received an invitation to visit the Haus of Perses - an island paradise that felt somewhat like his own app had broken out of the digital space and manifested in the analog world. A place full of hot men, full of sin and indulgence. Clearly he wasn't going to miss out on that.

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Go Go Karasuno: An Old Rival (Pt 2 )

THIS FIC IS 18+

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 7,000+

A few days had passed since the practice match. You hated to admit it, but you thought about Keishin often. 

He looked good.

Really REALLY good.

Like better than high school good.  He always looked nice but it was overshadowed by his complete desire to be an utter ass.

You sighed as you finished up a few emails to send off before you took your grandma to the hospital to visit your grandfather.

He was set to be discharged in a few days and then you would start the process of moving them to the elderly community. You had taken your grandmother to visit him daily as she would often have make him meals. He hated the hospital food. He said the flavor was lacking.

You had to laugh. The man had only ever eaten your grandmother's cooking since they married at a young age. He often complained or refused to eat any other food because it was never was good as his wife’s cooking. 

You had to agree. Your grandma was an amazing cook.

You arrive at the hospital with your grandma in toe. She says her hellos to the staff as they all reciprocate the greetings. Your grandma was a complete sweetheart. She was loved and adored by everyone. She always helped when and where she could, volunteering wherever she was needed. You're actually surprised your grandfather managed to charm his way in to her life.

Your grandfather was a rowdy old man. Literally the opposite of your grandmother. He could be bitter and always liked a good argument. He was never outright mean to people, just very outspoken and upfront. He was a lot to handle.

You exit the elevator carrying the box of food your grandma had prepared. She told you she was preparing a meal for your grandfather's roommate as well. She said the man was just as insatiable as your grandfather. You imagined they were quite the duo.

As you round the corner you start the head arguing. You eyes widen as you realize it's coming from your grandfather's room. 

 Your grandma just smiles as she shakes her head knocking lightly at the door.

"Yeah yeah" a voice shouts. 

 You both enter as you begin to observe the sight before you eyes.

Your grandfather and his roommate are watching volleyball on the small TV in their hospital room. Shouting at the apparent bad plays.

"Anyone could have hit that set with their eyes closed" your grandfather shouted "what is that spiker doing?"

"He's just a weakling like all the others" the other man shouted "that wouldn't be happening under my coaching."

You roll your eyes and smile. Man these two were made for each other.

Your grandma slowly starts to unpack and plate the food she made for both the men. They continue to watch the game as your grandma hands them the food.

"Dont worry dear I packed enough for everyone" she smiled as you observed all the food. The box was heavy that you carried in but you didn't think there was an entire week's worth of food there.

"By everyone did you mean the entire hospital gran" you giggle as she laughs.

"Oh Y/N" your grandfather says as he looks up from his meal for a second "this is my roommate. You might know his grandson. I think he went to school with him."

The other man grumbled "I apologize if you do know him, the weakling."

You smile as you chuckle "Well sir its nice to meet you, I'm Y/N"

The older man turns to you smiling "oh I know who you are sweetheart, I'm Ikkei Ukai"

WHAT DID HE SAY?

You were about to speak when a knock sounded.

"Yeah yeah, what is this grand central in Tokyo?" your grandfather huffed as the door opened.

"Just came to check on my fav-" Keishin spoke as he entered, shutting the door and turning around.

His eyes were met with yours. He gulped as the two older men and older lady looked at you both.

"Y/N, I didn't know you would be here" Keishin says as he lifts his head to the back of his head.

"I told you last week my roommate had a granddaughter your age" Ikkei spoke sharped tongue.

"Well you didn't mention here name!" Keishin glared at his grandfather.

“You didn’t ask” Ikkei huffed as he turned his attention back to the game as Keishin placed his hand over his face.

You giggle at the circumstances. 

This all had to be a joke right? No way this was coincidence!

"Ah Keishin it's so good to see you again" your grandmother says breaking the awkward silence "here have a plate"

"Oh you as well ma'am" he said bowing "thank you ma'am but I'll have to pass I’m just stopping by quick"

"Sit down you idiot the women made great food" your grandfather shouts at Keishin as you chuckle.

Your grandmother makes him a plate as he settles in by you at the spare table in the corner. Your grandmother sits beside your grandfather as he kisses her forehead. You smile as you watch them, all while Keishin watches you.

"Your grandfather and mine are one in the same" he says trying to break the silence.

"Ha ha yeah you can say that again" you say smiling as you eat.

"I honestly didn't know your grandfather was his roommate" he says.

"Well you probably wouldn't. They are my mothers parents so we don't share the same last name" you say looking down at your plate.

"You know, it was really great to see you play again Y/N" Keishin smiles at you.

You look up smiling back "Thank you. It was a lot of fun. You really have some great kids."

"Kageyama and Hinata couldn't stop talking about your sets. Kageyama said they were almost perfect" he said taking another bite

"Well I wouldn't say perfect. They can always use improvement" you say pushing your food around the plate.

"Give yourself more credit Y/N. You really are a great setter. I always thought so" Keishin says as he stares at you.

You laugh ironically "is that why you were always such an ass to me then?"

Keishin sighs "yeah I was an ass but it wasn't because you weren't good. I was stupid high school kid"

You sighed as you look to his smiling "I guess we've both changed a lot"

Keishin smiled softly at you as you take both plates and disguarded them in the bin.

"I'm going to step outside for a minute" you speak, kissing your grandma on the forehead.

"I'll come with you" Kishin says as you begin to walk outside

The silence is awkward. Neither of you know what to say to each other. It's like your years of high school rivalry has been reduced to this weird state of unknown.

"Look Y/N" keishin starts.

"Keishin" you interject "we both changed. It's ok. I'm not mad at you anymore."

That wasn't completely factual nor completely a lie.

You didn't hate Keishin.  In fact, thinking about it, you never really did. You admired the man but he annoyed you to no end. He was always better than you and you were jealous.

Keishin threw his cigarette as he walked towards you "Y/N I want to apologize."

You look at him with narrowed eyes "for what?"

"Well one for being a complete jerk back in high school" he proceeds.

"Jerk is an understatement but continue" you say smiling.

He laughs awkwardly "Listen Y/N can I at least make it up to you?"

You fold your arms "ok and how Keishin? It's not like we can go back in time and you can not mess up my serves" you spit as he looks towards the ground.

"Y/N please" Keishin says "my grandfather was right, I was a weakling back then. I was jealous of you. You had such talent and well, I enjoyed getting a rile from you. I know it was immature but it was the only way you'd talk to me."

“Wait what” you think as you try to process what he was saying

"I always admired you Y/N. You were a great captain and a fantastic setter. You worked so well all the players on your team. I honestly was a bit jealous" he continues as you state at him confused.

Keishin was jealous? Of you?

You say the only thing you can properly formulate "Well Keishin you sure had a hell of a way of showing it! You pissed me off, annoyed me to no end and now you tell me you were jealous?"

Keishin stares at your outburst.

"Keishin I apologize for yelling but it just seems unreal to me. I spent all of high school trying be as good as you and now your telling me you looked up to me? It just seems unreal" you say as you sit on the bench.

"Y/N" Keishin sits down in the other side of the bench "I know I was a complete jerk. I honestly didn't know it bothered you so much. I was a punk ass kid who was just trying to be someone. But I now realize I hurt someone who really meant a lot of me."

You look up from your hands to see Keishin with a soft smile on his face.

"Well this is awkward" you say as you stand up. You were never great with upfront feelings and awkward silences.

"Y/N please" Keishin says as you start to walk back to the room "Please just let me make it up to you. Let's have dinner. I promise. Just hear me out"

You sigh knowing the conversation was unavoidable. It wasn't that you didn't want to have dinner with Keishin, it's just that you still reeled from your past.

Maybe you were being petty and it seemed like Keishin had changed but were you really ready to admit that? Were you really ready to move on from a grudge you held for almost 10 years?

"Where" you sigh in defeat.

"Huh?" Keishin looks to you with question.

"Where and when" you look back at him with a less than eager face.

"How about Friday night? My families store?" Keishin shouts a little too enthusiastic.

You chuckle at his response "ok but I swear of you start shit I'm going to pelt a volleyball right at your forehead"

He laughs "there's the Y/N I remember"

You push him playfully as you both walk back into the hospital heading to your grandfather's room.

You enter the floor as you both hear loud shouting. You look at each other and take off running towards your grandfather's room. You bust open the door with Keishin on your heals as you see your grandfather on the floor and your grandmother holding her mouth.

"I'm fine I'm fine just got a bit worked up" he says.

Keishin moves to help your grandfather as you console your grandmother.

"Grandpa really? Getting worked up over volleyball?" You spit at him.

He glares at you "you're one to talk Y/N!"

Keishin’s eyes widen as you glare holes on your grandfather's head. He chuckles at your response.

"Oh Y/N it's about time you forgive the boy, it's been almost 10 years" your grandfather says

"Dont forgive him so easily Y/N" Ikkei interjects "make him work for it"

Keishin glares at his grandfather as he chuckles with your grandfather and they continue watching the game.

You and Keishin both sigh as you smile softly towards one another. 

You're night out with Keishin approaches faster than you hoped. Honestly you were really indifferent about the whole situation. You had to admit, Keishin had probably changed since high school. I mean the Keishin you knew would never coach a high school volleyball team.

Right?

[skulljackxiii]

Total Dangan Island

Contestant No. 1.5: Izuru Kamukura

History: He came from an unremarkable home with unremarkable parents with a lifestyle that wasn’t either tragic or rewarding, therefore of course a child of this background would be nothing special. Early in his childhood the boy knew this, he knew what he could do and what other people saw him as, so he felt why bother striving for things higher if he was already expected to be average. Despite the boy's content with his life, his parents were quite the opposite, they wanted more from him. This goes beyond just parents wanting their child to have a better future out of love, rather there was more of an underlying sense of greed and envy behind their motive.

Just like their son, they were unremarkable people that came from an ordinary background, but rather accepting who they were, they wanted more. Both of them despised losing, and others even more that were gifted that could achieve things that they couldn’t. They craved acknowledgement and valor more than anything that would make them stand out and could be used to exploit their superiority onto others. But they were not deluded from reality, they knew that they didn't have the capabilities to be rewarded anything. So their next big plan was to have a child, by raising a special child that could accomplish their dreams and more, that would ultimately lead them achieving the biggest reward that any parent would want. In their minds, every parent wanted to have a child that was special or had a unique talent to them that could be used for their own benefits and almost as a desired object that most others could only ever dream of having. But their grand scheme was demolished as soon as their son was born which was just like them, unremarkable.

Years later, both parents refused to accept the truth and persistently forced the boy  to practice, study, and train until they discovered what he was talented at. This was all the boy knew in his home; his face in books, exercising with various weights, and most noticeable of all was the disappointed faces of his parents who consistently berated him with lectures and complaints about him and all his flaws. This routine became so consistent that the boy became numb to it all and just saw it as part of his everyday life.

The boy always questioned why his parents were so desperate and acted the way they did, but he held no resentment towards them or anyone else. Though that didn’t mean that he wanted to uphold what they wanted or held himself in higher regards either. However, that was until he discovered this autobiography by an author that soon became this boy’s idol.

In the book it talks about how the author came from an ordinary and mundane household who was consistently underestimated and belittled by others due to his status and upbringings, but later became someone that could accomplish so much that most men could only dream of. It went onto further details that through his determination, hard work, and wit he was able to pass and overcome all challenges and diversities that came his way, thus discovering that he had innate talents that excelled in many categories. Then finally, it states that in his final moments he wanted to build an institution for young talents and give them opportunities that he was never given when he was younger. After finishing the book, the boy became infatuated with the author and adopted principles that reflected the author’s values. He soon treated the autobiography as his bible and uses it at times to help remind him of the tales of his hero that he wishes to be…”Izuru Kamukaura”.

With a fire lit in him and motivation driven to be like his idol, the boy sat down and seriously studied and trained in order to be the best. With days, weeks, and months pass by, the boy’s effort was unwavering and continued onward without stopping. His parents took notice of his change and their demeanor lightened after taking credit for their son’s sudden growth and change in attitude.

After his nonstop assault with his hard work, he finally saw results and was placed first in every academic category in his grade. Once he saw that, he felt completely different and was overwhelmed with joy after all his hard work paid off, but those feelings were nothing compared to the ones he felt once his parents found out about his results.

Despite knowing them his entire life and seeing them everyday, on that day the boy saw his parents as complete strangers to him once they knew of his achievements. Their mannerism and demeanor changed, and they showered him with praise and love for the first time in that boy’s life. The feeling was unreal to him, it was a warmth inside the boy’s chest that he never felt before in his whole life. As he continued watching his parents continue to embrace him with big bright smiles on their faces, the boy cried tears of joy and let it run down his face like a waterfall. That marked the moment when the boy knew that he wanted to preserve this feeling and maintain his parent’s affections.

As time moved forward and the boy continued his pace, his results remained in the top with no change in its order. Soon not only his parents, but teachers, relatives, and even other parents started showering the boy with praise like, “You’re amazing”, “Other kids should be like you”, “I wish my kid was like you”, and “You’re a role model”. But the praises that the boy would hear often and would stick by him the longest were “You’re so talented” and “You’re such a genius”. Those words struck the boy’s mind and filled him with such pride and confidence since those were the exact same lines used by others to describe his hero. Also the boy’s parents would often brag about their child towards everyone and explained that the boy’s exploits were only possible due to their superior parenting methods. Obviously, arrogant bragging like this would cause strain with other parents and relatives, but they had no room to interject since what they said wasn't entirely wrong. The boy had mixed feelings about what his parents were doing, but in the end he was still happy to see them so energetic and loving towards him.

Though his effort won him the affection of the adults, most of his young peers felt differently. It is because he tries so hard for results and the adults would often compare him to them, other children would feel irritated by his presence alone and start alienating him, even small acts of bullying would occur. But despite all that it didn’t affect the boy that much because he still had some friends left to play with, and his parents explained that those children were acting out due to how jealous they were since they weren’t “talented” or “special” like he was. The boy took all those words he received to heart and used them to help elevate his efforts in achieving his goal of becoming the next “Izuru Kamukura”.

But that wasn't meant to be as the phrase “all good things must come to an end”, rang in the boy’s head once he entered middle school. As soon as the boy set foot in that new school, all his previous achievements and efforts were meaningless once the boy met with real “geniuses” and “talent”, the true elites. His grades and performance kept on falling and falling until he was placed in remedial classes to help him from flunking all his subjects. Just as the boy’s performance dropped, so did everyone’s expectations of him as well. From stares of admiration to glares of disappointment, more and more people started mocking the boy for his wasted effort and even more so towards the parents after years of them bragging of how superior they were for raising such a “talented” son. Once the mockery occurred, the boy’s parents reverted immediately back to the state when the boy was small and younger; cold, disappointed, and full of dismissive complaints. Shocked by the setback, the boy refused to give up and sacrificed any means to get back what he lost. The boy discarded his remaining friends, destroyed his social life, and got rid of any meaningless free-time, all in order to use those remaining times to better himself. Alas nothing changed, the boy’s effort was wasted and not a thing has improved.

Now the boy is back where he started...no, he was in a much worse state than he was before. It’s true that his parents and everyone else around are back to thinking very little of him, but now he was completely alone and he even thinks very little of himself now. After experiencing that warmth from his parents and others, and following the footsteps of someone he admired, the boy can’t help but to feel empty and hatred for himself for not being special or talented. He would start questioning his own worth and see very little value in his own existence. There were times when the boy even thought of ending it all, but he would stop every time when he got these sudden flashes of “Izuru Kamukura” and thought about all the hardships he went through before he could achieve anything. He thanked “Izuru” every time for saving him from himself and giving him the strength to keep it together, but there was this other thought in the back of his mind if it was really right to compare himself to someone like “Izuru Kamukura”. Though he did have to overcome many difficulties, in the end he was actually talented, whereas the boy was not and was just ordinary.

A few years have passed and the boy is now of high school age, he was just another face in the background that had no one by his side. Though the boy didn’t stand out or got in anyone’s way, disdain and mockery still lingered towards him as his old peers still retells the stories about him and his past. With not much to do, all the boy did was get through it all and head straight home. At the end of the day, to no surprise there was no one there, the boy just bolted to his room and got started with his homework. His mind constantly wandered off and dreaded memories of his past, thinking up scenarios of his life where he stood out as “talented” and how content he would be with his life.

One day when the boy was reliving his past, he stumbled upon an online ad that advertised recruitment tryouts for a spinoff show of the infamous series “Total Drama” called “Total Dangan Island”. At first the boy wasn’t interested in the show or the prize since he knew of the show’s predecessor and its dangerous reputation, but there was something that caught the boy’s interest. In the ad it stated that only the top 16 most talented and capable youths of the World would be selected to participate in the contest. At that moment the boy had a sudden flash of realization, if he were to enter and win then everyone in the World, and especially to himself, would have to acknowledge that he truly is talented and special enough in order to beat the best of the best.

Once he finished recording and sending his tape audition, he went on and explained his plan to his parents. Despite the resolve he had for entering the show before, in his mind he was still scared since this show’s predecessor is known to be life threatening and is willing to endanger its participants for ratings by any means. So a part of him was hoping his parents would stop him or warn him that it was too dangerous to go out of concern for him. However they were ecstatic and were ready to pack all his things up, even though he was yet to be even nominated. The chances of him being accepted was between nonexistent to miniscule, the boy begged all his might to be let in.

After months passed by, the boy noticed a strange black and white envelope in his mailbox and tore it open. Upon reading the letter, the boy jumped in celebration as it was a congratulation letter from the show for being a following contestant. After telling the news, the boy’s parents quickly got his things together and was at the door ready to send him off. The boy was overwhelmed with various emotions clashing with one another; from joy, excitement, nervousness, terror, etc., and right before he took another step forward out the door his parents stopped him to say some final words. In the boy’s mind he was hoping to hear the words “We’re so proud of you”, “We love you so much”, or even a “Stay safe”, but all he got was “Make sure you win and get the prize.” After hearing those words, the boy’s emotions calmed down and silently nodded back at his parents in response. The boy then turned forward and walked away, at that point the boy was determined to win at any cost so he could finally put to rest all his fears and doubts and prove to everyone, especially himself, that he is worth at least something.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bio/Extra Info: (Read Previous Bio) Early on in the competition during one of the first Challenges, Hajime and the rest of his team lost one of its members. They all agreed to scatter to go look for her, but there was no luck. It became hopeless until Hajime finally spotted her in the deepest parts of the island. As he went after and finally caught up to her, he noticed that they were at a strange location that was like a gravesite for dangerous and decaying machinery.

It was the Dump Pit, a junkyard area where all Monokuma's prototypes and rejected ideas were all discarded to rot away (obviously this was all done without Monomi's knowing). As he was about to reach out to her, the ledge that they both stood on crumbled. Once they fell and got closer to the site, they landed on this strangely-colored puddle that was leaking from something that looked like a large battery, some in particular landed on Hajime’s eye, and they were covered by this terrible chemical smell that almost seemed like it devoured any clean air surrounding the area. In a panic, both team members quickly got out of the site and escaped from the forest together without any visible harm done to them. After thoroughly inspecting themselves they found nothing that was wrong, at first.

After a course of a few weeks, Hajime’s eye continuously got worse as it became more bloodshot red and throbbing profusely, in which he could receive massive headaches that would cause him to collapse onto the ground. In that state, all his fears and doubts would loop in his head constantly, then during that he would hear a faint voice telling him something. He could never make out what the voice said and at times when he was about to decipher it, the headaches would stop and so would the voice alongside it.

Then one morning when he woke up, he noticed that all the pain was gone though was surprised when he got to a mirror to check his eye. He saw that the pupil of his left eye had completely turned red, upon the mirror he saw a figure standing behind him in the mirror. In a scared panic, he quickly turned around and asked who the stranger was, but as the stranger answered Hajime instantly recognized the voice as the same one in his head from his headaches. The stranger answered that he was Izuru Kamukura, but Hajime had a hard time believing that since Izuru was long dead and that he looked nothing like him. In fact the stranger actually resembled Hajime who dressed up ruggedly as Izuru Kamukura.

Hajime cautiously reached out to this Izuru, but he phased through him and immediately jumped back away from him. When Hajime asked what he was, Izuru took a pause and thought deeply about that question. After a couple seconds, after analyzing all the clues and data from Hajime’s memories, he concluded that he was a separate persona that was conjured by his psyche. As Hajime was dumbstruck to the possibility, Izuru continued theorizing that after being exposed to all that chemical waste has created this strainful chemical imbalance in his brain. The area that was mostly affected was amygdala, which controls fear and anxieties, thus causing all those serious headaches he had up until now.

In order to answer and compensate for all his doubts and anxiety, his psyche has created a whole new personality that embodied all his desires and wishes, thus creating this Izuru Kamukura that stood in front of him. After the explanation, Hajime was taken aback and shocked by what he heard. After that’s been done and over, now all that’s left is for Hajime to decide what he’s going to do with his whole new roommate in his head.

(Hajime’s) Goal: (Read Previous Goal) Same as before.

(Izuru’s) Goal: He is indifferent, he doesn’t care about the game, prize, or anything of that matter. He only acts or takes control over the body only when Hajime requests his help or allows it. Izuru could process images in an instant, has access to 100 percent of his brain, and was in complete control of every single strand of tissue that composed his body. Until Hajime calls for him, he’ll just stand on the side and watch him go through huddles and other challenges. Since Izuru views himself as a perfect being that could do no wrong, which makes his existence boring and meaningless, he finds watching others struggle to achieve their goals, despite their flaws and imperfections, a bit intriguing and entertaining.

[nintendodad1978]

A Father, a Son, and a Video Game

As a lifelong player and lover of video games, I was overcome with joy to see that love be passed down to my son who is now 13 years old.   Like most kids of his generation, it started with things like Minecraft, Roblox and eventually Five Nights at Freddy’s and Cuphead.  But the day came not too long ago, when he discovered the Danganronpa franchise of RPGs, anime, and manga. And it was love at first sight.  Being a huge fan of JRPGs myself, it tickled me to see him discover his own flavor of game like I did with Final Fantasy and Persona.  But something happened with Dylan. He decided to take things a little further than his father.

Dylan has always been a very good artist, even at a very young age. I dabble, but his level of talent far exceeds anything I will ever hope to accomplish. So he took his love of Danganronpa and his love of drawing and decided to combine them. First with fan art, but then he decided to redesign various characters and their costumes. This was impressive enough, but Dyl didn’t stop there. He then began making his own original Danganronpa characters. Giving them backstories, alternate costumes, etc.  He was doing some very high level world-building, even though he wasn’t aware of it at the time. And I just sat back watching everything unfold with the biggest smile on my face. He would periodically show me what he was working on, and I would always be very careful to show him lots of support, but never to push him. Encouragement is always needed, but pushing him to do it would be the death knell of this little project that was taking shape. This past Christmas I finally caved in and purchased an iPad Pro for him to use for art. He had been asking for one for years at this point, and I felt like he had finally reached a point that this was going to be something that he would actually use instead of playing around with it for a few weeks and discard like so many other toys.  And this is where things took a surprising, yet looking back, logical turn.

Dylan would also receive a brand new laptop from his grandparents along with the Danganronpa collection for the Nintendo Switch. And the combination of those three gifts set off the gears in Dylan’s brain. He began to work on a “secret” project that evening. It started with some researching on the internet, then watching a ton of Youtube videos along with immersing himself in his new game collection. He then started drawing sketch after sketch. Finally after a few days, he showed me what it was that he was working on so diligently. He had decided to make his own Danganronpa fan game. Yes. That’s right. My 13 year old self-taught artist of a son was now teaching himself how to use the Unreal Engine, along with other programs and was in the process of developing an actual videogame. I was gobsmacked, to say the least.

It’s now been a few months since that fateful week and progress has been slow, but steady. Dylan would experience a couple of false starts, just like any other new developer, but he hit upon exactly how he wants his game to go, and hasn’t looked back since He has also refined the look of his characters and the storyline is like nothing I have ever experienced. I sit on the couch watching him work on various aspects of this fan game and I’m in complete awe of him. He’ll sit there drawing away on his iPad, or working on his laptop with such an earnest expression of concentration I begin to worry that he is no longer having fun, and then he looks up, catching me watching him, and smiles and excitedly tells me about a new aspect of his game that he just came up with. And I realize that my worrying was for nothing.

What impresses me the most is the fact that it has never struck Dylan that this is something he shouldn’t or couldn’t accomplish.  So many times I have dreamed of doing this thing or that. But it never went further than just a dream, because there was always a little voice in the back of my head stopping me. Me, “It’s a waste of time. The odds are too great. You’ll never be able to do it.”

I know it’s my job to teach Dylan, being his father and all. But that gifted 13 year old boy has taught this 42 year old nerd a VERY valuable life lesson that I have taken to heart. If you want to do something. Just do it. Don’t worry about whether or not something is possible. Because no matter what, it is. Nothing is impossible. Nothing is too hard. And nothing is out of your reach.

[sunnys-rewatch-blog]

S1, E6

"There's No Place Like Homecoming"

Before I react to the contents of this episode, I want to point out that Sasha Pieterse brought some massive talent. She is kicking it effortlessly with actors twice her age.

I also want to talk some about how Alison has been portrayed in the first five episodes. This first season has her treading the line between friend and foe. There's enough characterization that I can see both how destructive and toxic she was to everyone around her but also I can believe she really did try when it came to her friends. She wasn't a complete monster. I remember her being worse than this, but maybe the later episodes will have me eating my words.

Something to think about is that a neighborhood like this wouldn't have trouble churning out bullies left and right. Kids are usually parroting back the messages they extrapolate from society, and a neighborhood with this many unspoken social rules dictated by this many stuck-up, hypocritical snobs would (passively) validate the behavior. The adults in this town are the unspoken villains. Alison is a natural consequence of the soulless adults who are supposed to be in charge.

I think Alison is probably a huge reason why the fandom stuck it out for so long with this story, myself included. The first few seasons constructed a fascinating character; I wanted to know what was going to happen with her. And the quality of the show's writing went way down after they brought her back, so she never felt like she was fully explained. I will almost definitely talk about this later.

Why are they so desperate to make Toby look culpable? Friends, her body was found in her own back yard! When was he at Alison's house?! No one has mentioned any sign that the body was dragged.

I wish I could relate more to how hard it hits these kids in TV shows when their parents go through marital problems or get divorced. My parents' divorce didn't bother me all that much, but it had been a long time in coming.

Why does Spencer's short-term S1 boyfriend have the same name as her sister?

You can not convince me the writers took no inspiration from "It" to write this script. I know it doesn't actually end up mattering in the long run but this makes me wonder where the fortunes in these cookies get printed up. There are so many variables to this gag. The build-up they gave "A" was unreal. I remember suspecting that Alison actually was behind some of this on my first watch, but I can't see it now. The person sending these messages has more power when no one can see them; Alison has more power when she's visible.

Is this "RLW" a real thing in high schools? I've never heard of it. It sounds like a church function. But Hanna attending this meeting, disinterested as she is, might be enough to substantiate character growth. A group like this would come off as stupid and cheesey to anyone who isn't balls-deep in religion, and I don't blame her for her resistance to forced participation. Is the main point of this group that they stand around and roleplay sexual advances for what I can only assume is an entire class period?

Maya checking out Emily's ass/legs as she walks away.

If Mona was feeling neglected by Hanna, I feel like trying to shit-talk Hanna's other friend- who is going through a very heavy loss right now- is...not it. I like this scene because it shows that Mona is still, socially, extremely clumsy. She seems to have a limited capacity to understand social situations. She is also a fascinating character the show may not have succeeded without.

Ugh would they stop fussing over Toby already? I followed this so eagerly my first watch. They play him up as a creep way too much for him to be 'A' or the culprit. The only reason they suspect him is the house fire. I get that he has a motive, but what access would he have to find out their secrets? Are they imagining that Alison just started screaming out things like "Aria's dad is fucking one of his university students!" while he was (allegedly) beating her to death?? Granted, I'm not even sure how the actual early seasons 'A' knew, and I don't think the writers did either because it all gets swept under the rug with the sci-fi diagnosis. PLL somehow created a mental health diagnosis that lets you in on peoples' personal lives but does not allow you to filter a normal conversation with them. Hm, now that I think about it, maybe I have that too.

Okay, what the fuck did I miss?? First Martha, now this door behind which people are doing construction. What the hell is Hanna doing? Maybe I shouldn't have watched like four episodes under the influence.

Why the fuck is Spencer's university-aged sister at her high school homecoming dance? And why does she look like a fucking werewolf? Was that hair a trend, or something? (*this question was partially answered, but I'm posting it anyways)

The subtitles have spelled "Melissa" four different ways in a span of ten seconds.

Lucas is actually kinda cute. "Lucas is 'A'" is still my theory and I will die on this hill.

I want to know what it was that got Lucas branded by Alison (*opting to minimize my use of the term as it may be considered a slur). Was he literally born intersex? Is he a trans man? The explanation they give us doesn't make sense.

This dramatic blue lighting makes all of their makeup super visible, and I normally can't tell when someone's wearing makeup unless it's either extremely obvious (ie, glitter eyeshadow) or I have seen them without.

Will I get branded as something unpleasant if I admit I don't know who this band is, or any of these songs?

It really took them all this time to figure out 9/01 is a date? What do they think they're gonna do?

Damn, Hanna really doesn't sound like a good girlfriend.

I would give anything to see this Emily/Toby scene without all the "creep" edits. It really looks like she's just having an episode in the middle of a heavy discussion. He has no idea they think he killed Alison.

What I don't understand, for this whole thing, is how our protagonists can find room in their minds and energy and time to give a fuck about having a love life in all of this. There is so much emphasis on that, I can't imagine trying to date at a time like this.

[honeyjaez]

A solo stan who is thinking about checking other groups out?

There is nothing wrong with being a solo stan (as in only liking 1 group) as long as you are kind and courteous to other groups.

Also this post might not be for you.

But if you are a solo stan (usually starting with BTS) or just in need of finding new groups and thinking about spreading your wings here are some suggestions. 🙂

When I first got into kpop way back in the 2010 years I had no clue what I had stumbled on and I only liked 2 groups max for the longest time because I didnt know about any other groups. Since then I’ve come to love so many groups that I wish I knew about sooner.

Now mind you. I am primarily a boy group stan so there are not a lot of girl groups on her so please forgive me. -*edit I’ve decided to do a part 2 of just girl groups so stay tuned

This is also under the impression you already know BTS and their brother group TXT.

also if your fav is not on this list I dearly apologize. I picked groups that might be a good intro to like multiple groups.

Groups down below ˅˅˅˅

SEVENTEEN:

-13 Member group under Pledis Entertainment.

- Debuted May 26, 2015

-Popular in Korea and slowly gaining popularity internationally.

-AMAZING dancers.

-Like the synchronization is unreal for 13 people.

- Divided into 3 sub-units; Performance Unit, Hip-Hop Unit, and Vocal Unit

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Don’t Wanna Cry. Hit, Clap

iKON:

-Currently a 6 Member group under YG Entertainment

-Debuted September 15th, 2015

-Addicting Chorus’s and bad ass rapping

-Their Leader B.I recently left the group early this year, but fans are hopeful for a reunion. But that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate OT7 right now.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Bling Bling, Love Scenario, B-Day

ONEUS:

-6 Member group under RBW Entertainment

-Debuted January 9th, 2019.

-They are a crazy good for a rookie group and have a lot of bangers.

-Their choreography is no joke

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Valkyrie (Debut song), Twilight, Lit

(Seriously they have no bad songs)

NCT 127:

(NCT is actually a massive group divided up into sub-units)

-10 Member group under SM Entertainment.

-Debuted July 10th, 2016

-Crazy Powerful dance moves.

-Look mean, but are actually sweethearts.

-Gaining popularity in the west.

-Some songs to introduce you to them:Cherry Bomb, Touch, Highway to Heaven

NCT Dream:

-Currently a 6 member group under SM Entertainment

-Debuted August 24th, 2016

-Cute Charm and Powerful stage presence. 

-NCT Dream is as this moment not a fixed unit and based on idols age.

-When they get old enough the members “graduate” and join other NCT sub-units

-Mark of NCT 127 was once the leader but he reached the age limit and “Graduated” and thus no longer apart of the group.

-Many fans detest this concept and wish SM to make them a fixed unit but that doens’t mean you can’t love OT6 or OT7 at the moment.

-Some songs to introduce you to them:  Boom, We Go Up, Go

Stray Kids:

-8  member group under JYP Entertainment

-Debuted March 25th, 2018

-Gained a lot of popularity through their survival show of the same name

-Strong and Meaningful songs that deal a lot with self struggle and depression. 

-All songs are produced by members Bang Chan, Changbin and Han who make up the sub-unit 3racha.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Hellavator Levanter, Voices, My Pace, Double Knot, God’s Menu, Back Door (I mean this list can go on and on)

GOT7:

-7 Member group under JYP Entertainment

-Debuted January 16th, 2014

-Another amazing dancing group

-Strong Charisma on stage.

-Variety Kings

-Goofballs

-Some songs to introduce you to them:Hard Carry, Eclipse, You Are 

VAV:

-7 Member group under A Team Entertainment

-Debuted October 31st, 2015.

-Severely underrated 

-Has lost some members and gains some as well.

-They work super hard year round with hardly and rest.

-Please stan VAV.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: She’s Mine, Poison, Spotlight. 

ASTRO:

-6 Member group under Fantagio Entertainment

-Debuted February 23rd, 2016.

-Cute, Charming group.

-The boys are actual angels.

-The group is a breath of fresh air.

-Super Talented.

-Addicting songs that just make you smile

-Can have the same concept as literally any other group but still make it their own.

-Vocals are beyond this world.

-Also just overall very pretty.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: All Night, Blue Flame, Baby, Always You. 

The Boyz:

-11 Member group under Cre.Ker Entertainment

-Debuted December 6th, 2017

-A really fun and charming group.

-Their song’s are very addicting

-Dance like songs

-Sweet sweet boys who deserve love.

-Member Hwall left in October of 2019 due to health reasons 

-Some songs to introduce you to them: D.D.D, No Air, Giddy Up 

Day6:

-5 Member group under JYP Entertainment

-Debuted September 7th, 2015

-An actual band so they don’t dance on stage

-but crazy talented

-Their songs are known to make people feel happier.

-I don’t think it is possible to have a bad Day6 song.

-Jae’s twitter is quite possible my favorite place on this earth.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: I smile. Time of our lives. Colors, I need Somebody. Dance Dance. Literally any of them.

PENTAGON:

-Currently a 9 Member group under Cube Entertainment.

-Debuted October 10th, 2016.

-Also Underrated.

-Such amazing discography.

-UNIQUE VOICES 

-Strong vocals and major crackheads

-Went through their survival show “Pentagon Maker” and debuted as 10 members.

-Former Member E’Dawn was basically kicked out of Cube and Pentagon after revealing he was dating label mate HyunA. Fans are still hopeful for an OT10 reunion.

-But we can support OT9 now.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Sha La La, Shine, Like This, Cosmo (Japanese song).

SF9:

-9 Member group under FNC Entertainment

-Debuted October 5th, 2016

-FNC’s first dance boy group.

-SEVERELY UNDERRATED.

-If you want any songs to put on your workout playlist, or just get you hyped then their are your boys.

-AMAZING Dancers.

-They are almost all actors as well. If you watch K-Drama’s you might recognize Chani (their maknae) from widely popular Sky Castle and Rowoon from new K-Drama “Extraordinary You”

-Stan SF9. Stream RPM

-Some songs to introduce you to them: O Sole Mio, RPM, Now or Never, Easy Love

Monsta X

-A SEVEN Member group under Starship Entertainment

-Literally the definition of hard-working.

-Powerful Choreography, crazy stage presence, intense charisma...must I go on.

-Literally deserve the world.

-Were formed through the survival program No Mercy and have not stopped since.

-Their songs are so addicting and on top of that are actual sweethearts.

-Only want to make people smile and feel loved through their music.

-Would possibly die for their fans.

-Okay I’m talking too much.

-Gaining popularity in the Western regions.

-In October of 2019, member Wonho (the orange hair in the gif) left the group due to rumors and lies being spread about him. He didn’t want to hurt Monsta X’s reputation so he left the group but fans have strongly opposed this, fighting for starship to help clear his name and have him return. The protest continues on even after almost a month.

(Trust me, if you knew this group and Wonho, you would understand why fans are opposing this.)

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Follow, Shoot Out, Beautiful, Dramarama, All In, Alligator.

NU’EST:

-5 Member group under Pledis Entertainment

-Debuted March 15th, 2012

-Very unique style and concept with their albums.  Sticks to their own specific style.

-Addicting chorus.

-Honey Sweet vocals. 

-Had a sub-united called NU’EST W while Minhyun was promoting as a member of Wanna One. (The W stood for ‘Waiting’ which should tell you the type of guys they are).

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Bet Bet, Love Me, Face (Debut  Song), Help Me (Nu’est W song).

BTOB:

-7 Member group under Cube Entertainment

-Debuted March 21st, 2012.

-Ballads anyone?

-Are primarily a vocal focus group

-But understandably because BTOB has one of the strongest vocals in Kpop.

-But can also dance.

-Honest to good crack heads

-Variety Kings #2

-Currently 3 members are serving their military service but you can still support them in their quiet time.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: I’ll be your man, Only one for me, Beautiful Pain, Missing You.

ATEEZ:

-8 Member group under KQ Entertainment

-Debuted October 24th, 2018.

-ROOKIE KINGS.

-In their one year so far since debut they have shown the world that they are not a group to underestimate. 

-Strong Dancers, powerful choreography. 

-Their stage presence is no joke.

-Songs are super addicting and go hard so if you need a workout playlist Ateez is your group.

THE DUALITY OF EACH MEMBER. 

-San is Satan in disguise.

-Prepared for debut for a really REALLY long time. 

-Already signed up with a US record label.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Wonderland, Pirate King, Treasure, Say My name, Wave. literally any of them.

EXO:

-9 Member group under SM Entertainment

-Debuted April 8th, 2012.

-If you know BTS, you probably know about them.

-But EXO are worth all the hype.

-Korea’s chosen representative (Whether you agree with it or not, it’s true) 

-Deadly Stage Presence and Charisma

-Their songs are always iconic.

-Leader Suho just might be god I haven’t figured it out yet.

-As of November 2019, 3 of their members are not promoting with the group. Lay is off promoting solo stuff and stuff in china and america (because SM doesn’t want EXOLS happy) and the other 2 members, Xiumin and D.O are currently serving in the military.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Monster, Love Shot, Lotto, Tempo.

Golden Child

-10 Member group under Woollim Entertainment.

-Debuted August 28th, 2017.

-Underrated group x 10.

-Dancing is on point.

-Stage presence on point

-Hardworking

-cute songs

-They are just charming boys who smile more than the sun i swear.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Wannabe, DamDaDi, Genie, Let Me

A.C.E:

-5 Member group under Beat Interactive

-Debuted May 23rd, 2017

-I literally don’t understand why they are so underrated.

-They have created their own unique style in kpop with a rock vibe that is hardly used in the community. 

-POWERFUL dancers.

-Rude as fuck but thats besides the point.

-Another great group if you need workout songs.

-Some songs to introduce you to them: Undercover, Savage, Callin, Take Me Higher.

Other groups that I did not talk about but I think should be mentioned:

-AB6IX

-CIX

-VICTON

-VIXX

-Great Guys 

-Infinite

-JBJ95

-Kim Donghan(solo)

N.Flying!

-Noir!!!!!

-Spectrum

[ayoda]

Ten years later

I don’t remember exactly what I was doing, but I received an alert on my desktop that a major earthquake had hit Japan. I immediately logged into the website of NHK (the CNN / PBS of Japan). I watched a live feed from a helicopter just as the tsunami had crashed onshore.

(This is a picture of the wall that was supposed to protect the village below. I took this pic as well as the others posted in this entry.)

It was unreal to see a massive wave destroy everything in its path. The wave kept traveling further and further inland. The reporter remained professional but his shock was obvious. 

I’ve told some of this story before, please forgive me for being redundant. 

We started hearing numbers. 12,000 dead (later revised to 17,000+). 2,500 missing. 6,000+ injured. 150,000+ residents displaced. Tommy Dyo, then director of Cru’s Epic Movement ministry, asked me to help train student teams being sent to Japan. Glad to be of service. 

Then in April, Tommy was heading to Japan for a first-hand look. He said “dude, you’re coming with me.” Say what? How? “Send out a support letter.” Could I raise the support in a month? I received over $4,000 more than I needed (applied to future visits). Then my wife ruptures her Achilles (this time, the other leg). I thought that ended my plans. But she said “I’m not going to deprive you of this opportunity.”

I admittedly went to Japan skeptical as to what I’d see and questioning God as to why this had happened. I wasn’t prepared for what was ahead. The photo above is Rikuzentakata. A complete neighborhood, gone. When I shared later about my visit, I was asked if there were any photos I couldn’t take. There was one in particular, some kids’ toys that had been scattered. Even now, it’s admittedly difficult to think what may have happened to those children.

Some cleanup had already taken place, though there was still a lot to do. There were lots full of recovered vehicles lined up so survivors could either see if they could salvage something from the vehicle, or to identify victims who were swept up in the wave.

The government primarily provided cleanup for the damaged buildings (mostly condemned), we helped clean out houses and churches while also packaging meals and goods for those in evacuation centers.

While in Kamaishii, we saw buildings where an “X” was spray painted. An “X” indicated bodies had been found, an “X” with a circle meant the bodies had been recovered.

Most people have heard of the Fukushima nuclear reactor that’s still not shut down. We went to the Palette Center, a convention center where 10,000 people were housed, evacuated from neighborhoods surrounding the reactor. Most of the evacuees lived on different level of the arena, primarily within cardboard partitions.

This ship washed ashore at least 2 km inland. After debating whether or not to preserve the ship as a memorial, the decision was made to remove the ship to help rebuild the city. It had to be taken apart piece-by-piece, there was no crane or anything else that could move the ship. That provides some perspective on the power of the tsunami.

Worth noting: The shaking was incredibly severe, but Japan is very conscious about structural integrity in earthquakes. But there’s really no defense to a tsunami that reached as high as 40 meters (about 133 feet). That was the source of the major destruction and loss.

I’d already mentioned I was trying to understand the age-old philosophical question as to why would God allow this kind of suffering. I was blessed to have many help me find answers.

A group shot of the 2011 team, outside of the CRASH Japan (Christian Relief, Assistance, Support and Hope) headquarters: 

Tommy, who I’ve already credited / blamed for getting me involved.

Shannon, a wonderfully talented friend who I’ll see on TV in the future (Tommy and I serve as her Stateside Uncles).

Pastor Jonathan, then President of CRASH Japan, our relief agency, now heading OpSAFE Int’l helping kids after disasters and trauma. I still work with him and his organization.

Urs, the son of missionaries, now happily married and living in Germany (?).

Some guy who once had more hair and darker hair.

Dr. Gary, formerly a Southern Baptist missionary based in Tokyo and our guide through the disaster areas, we damaged his van driving through areas where the roads were heavily damaged. Now back home in Chicago.

Pastor Levi and Diane Velasco, head of GLINTS (Global Intercultural Services), with whom we now serve as volunteers. They also head CRASH Midwest. They’ll be back in Japan sooner than later.

This photo features Jill, a nurse who joined us for much of our journey through the Sendai area, along with Tommy and Gary.

Ten years later, I’m still a small part of the volunteer effort. We’ve expanded to serving also in Kumamoto, which was hit with a major quake in 2016. I continue to work with OpSAFE Int’l and Pastor Jonathan, GLINTS with the Velascos, CRASH Japan under the direction of Nagai-Sensei, and we’ve been able to be part of the Kyushu Christ Disaster Relief Center based in Kumamoto. We try to go every summer, unfortunately the pandemic has interrupted our visits for the time being. I hope to post some more memories soon.

And what did I learn? Disasters don’t discriminate. We have to plan ahead. Maybe I can be helpful, even in a small way.

As for the “big question.” I still don’t have an answer for the question as to why this happened. Perhaps I was asking the wrong question. God will answer the question “why” in his time, but when asked He will answer “what’s next>” 

I worked with so many incredible people over the past decade, from all over the world, all ages, all denominations, as well as all faith backgrounds. Their work taught me the importance of how to respond to the question “what’s next.” I’m hoping I’m doing my best to answer that question.

We found this mural (that’s my boys and super volunteer Emily) outside of a building in Kobuchihama. Translated: “Volunteers, thank you! Look at how strong Kobuchihama has become.”

どいたしまして。You’re welcome.

[cardencs]

“ one had to die so the other could live “ DFJGHDKGHDFJHFKGJH idk where i got that from but RELEVANT , sorta . . .  ANYWAYS , hello , it me , everyone’s favorite demon 😇 bringing you a second muse that i hope will stay WELP . I know froy has a lack of resources , so for a couple of more days ky’s gonna be MIA, hence the coma , so i can get cris settled and make some gifs :] fun fact tho : my grandma’s last name is gutierrez 🥺

chicago’s very own cristian cardenas has been spotted on madison avenue driving a 2020 Maserati Ghibli view 9 trims , welcome ! your resemblance to froy  gutierrez is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty second birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re indecisive , but being sincere might help you . i think being a Leo explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be grass stains, summer nights and blank pages of a notebook .

ANNDDDDD , idk , read under the cut for more , but like this and imma get plotting with everyone . 😈

Full Name: criatian javier cardenas-castillo 

Nickname(s): cris, c , cj , 

Age: 22

Height: 6ft

Date of Birth: July 25th 1997

Zodiac sign: leo

Ethnicity: mexican

Nationality: mexican/colombian/american

Gender: cismale

Pronouns: he/him

Tattoos: none

Language(s) Spoken: english + spanish

BIO

first of all , cristian was born in mexico , to two parents who were high school sweethearts and had him way too young ( his dad was 18 and his mom was 16 ) , but luckily enough his dad’s family ran a few popular pharmacies in Mexico City, so they were well off . cristian had a normal enough childhood , his parents were both pharmacists . his paternal grandparents paying for their education and livelihood . so it all worked out .

when cristian turned 8 , both his parents noticed he had a natural skill for soccer . which is funny because that came from his maternal side and they never bothered to introduce him to the sport . it was just something cris played on the streets with his friends.

immediately after that realization , his parents got him into the best training programs , camps , teams , etc - - - even sending him off to colombia to play in their leagues . therefore cristian bounced between mexico and colombia until he was 16 . 

cris played soccer at an international level, being the nephew of alejandro castillo definitely opened many doors for him , especially when cristian got invited to play for american leagues . 

from mexico to colombia , to finally landing in the united states , cristian played in minor leagues in chicago and LA . at 18 he started playing for Chicago Fire FC , just for a couple of years until having to move to LA to be closer to his paternal grandmother . she was living on her own and wanted family closer , and cris honestly missed just being normal a little bit so he ran for that opportunity , playing for LA Galaxy . 

Up until recently , cristian actually resided in LA , living with his grandmother , going to practices and living a pretty simple life since he never saw himself as famous . he has famous family , and he left the spotlight to them , and they all knew he liked his privacy. 

truth be told , cristian doesn’t like playing soccer , but he’s a talented midfielder , so much that he’s usually given captain . for some reason he’s really good at handling a team of people , which is funny because he’s pretty quiet until you say a word to him. 

the only reason he continues to play the sport is because it’s something his parents are proud of, the only time they will really give him any attention for. his parents are . . . not so great . they worked all the time , and care more about earning any sort of income rather than spend actual time with their kid , and cris . . . is the only child . he’s their only child yet they jumped at the chance to ship him off everywhere . 

cris really only like the family he has in the states considering that’s the only sense of true family he has , but his parents are his parents . . . so he tries to appease them in any way possible . even if he hates what he does . 

cristian would actually rather be off writing in the middle of nowhere as for a hobby . he’s got a lot of little notebooks filled with short stories and poems . bc behind this little shit act he pulls , he’s actually pretty soft .

if he had to choose what he could do for the rest of his life , it’d be to put together a recipe book because this man surprisingly loves to cook ??? he picked it up easily snd quickly when living with his grandmother . at this point he’s put together a whole recipe book and his insta is literally soccer/food porn , it’s funny DKJGHJDK

because kylie got into an accident , cris ended up moving away from LA to NYC , even switching teams in order to help out around with his family there . he’s currently playing for New York City FC , earning his spot  on the team - - - not really aiming for captain but who knows. so he’s fresh meat to the scene unless meeting anyone prior in LA or Chicago . 

PERSONALITY 

cris didn’t grow up with a normal childhood when he started training . therefore he didn’t party that much . so  he’s literally currently living his best life when moving to the states , he got a lot of freedom and just like his cousin , he’s pretty much the life of the party .

he’s that guy that gets drunk enough they will drunk sing the song with a bottle in hand . though he’s not much of a smoker , so with that he’s a little #boring . but then again he’s pretty stupid without the weed and alcohol . 

cris is usually seen as the guy with a lot of girls for friends . . . but he’s probably hooked up with all of them too . he doesn’t really see labels , and doesn’t like labels on relationships . so . . . he hasn’t had a serious relationship , he’s indecisive af and flies away from stuff like that . his excuse is he has to focus on soccer over personal things like relationships . 

he’s honest af ( it’s a family thing ok ) but he’s not an angry thing , cris is pretty chill , laid back and cheeky . making the dumb commentary no one thinks is funny , but he probably thinks is hilarious af . 

he really likes working with the community and is currently putting together soccer programs for kids who wouldn’t normally be able to afford things like equipment and training . cris goes as far as coaching teams from community center . . . not for clout , because he genuinely likes it , even if he hates playing it , he likes to teach and likes giving back .

a big charity man , ok this man is just bABY .

you know , a big stupid baby that can party JKDFGHDKGJH

CONNECTIONS ?

gimme all the plots !!! just like this and im sure we can figure something out , or i can bc sometimes depending on the connectiion we cook up im all 😈😈😈😈

YOU ALREADYY KNOWWWW DKGJHDJKGHD

[mismerccray]

Met His Match

DAMIAN FIC IS HERE!!! So, I aged him up a bit and didn’t include a lot of dialogue. Hope you guys like it!

y/n= your name

y/s/n= your superhero name

word count (1626)

Damian Wayne was a lot of things at age 16. He was strong, fast, and just as talented as his elder brothers. He was beginning his last growth spurt, finally catching up to his brother Dick. He had a mind like his father and a mouth like his mother. For these reasons, he never quite met anyone he deemed to be on his level.

Then he met her.

(Y/S/N) was the protege of Selina Kyle before she branched out at age 15. She had all the acrobatic prowess of both Selina and Dick, but the ruthlessness of Jason and the detective mind of Tim and Babs. He never even saw her coming.

They first met while he was out on patrol with his father and brothers. He was still new to the rank of Robin at age 10, but he was making progress in controlling his venomous mouth and easily triggered temper. Bruce said they were waiting for someone to show up, at the top of the Wayne Enterprises building. Damian quickly got distracted by what he considers to be his fools of brothers playing with a NERF foam football. Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder. He looked back and no one was there. He looked down and the ball was gone. He looked around confused for a while as his brothers laughed. 

A shadow passed him suddenly and he leaped into action with a punch, only for his fist to be caught in the softest gloved hands he’d ever experienced. He finally caught sight of her, and he brow furrowed in annoyance. But his heart skipped a beat when he got a really good look at her standing beside Selina and his father. Skin like rich cherrywood, curls that managed to escape from under her hood in almost unreal spirals, and the fullest lips he’d ever seen. Lips that were pulled into a cocky smirk.

That was the first time he’d seen that smirk, but not the last. 

She quickly became a damn near permanent part of his life. She transferred schools, was in his homeroom class, would waltz around the manor like she owned it, and bothered him during patrol. He saw her more than he saw his own father. Then she had the audacity to sleep in his bed. There are over 30 bedrooms in the manor and she picked his. Well, he refused to be put out of his own room. So at age 11, they shared a room whenever she was around.

At first, it was pure venom in his words when he spoke to her. He could admit to himself that she was beautiful, but he refused to see her as his equal in any way. Not after she embarrassed him in front of his family, not when she kept up with him on patrol (When she wasn’t thieving with Selina), not when she was his equal academically, and not when she was able to return his jabs with the calmest, damn near amused demeanor.

Damian Wayne had never met a girl like her. He’d never met anyone like her. As the years went by, they stayed by each others sides. His words only softening with her. His sarcasm not having it’s usual punch with her. Hell, his insults and jabs felt almost like something else when said to her. And she just rolled with the punches. And just like he grew, so did she, and he found her more beautiful every day.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off her curves. No matter how much training and fighting she did, her hips and thighs truly completed the hourglass figured she’d been developing all along. She had what he considered an “acceptable” amount of softness to her skin. It complimented her sweet yet fierce nature perfectly. If there were ever any gaps between situations in Gotham, he almost forgot about it. Almost.

Last night, they were on patrol with just Batman and Nightwing. Somehow when investigating an abandoned warehouse on the docks, they were separated and surrounded by Two-Face’s goons. They were supposed to be fighting back to back, like they always would. Today, Damian went rogue. He began fighting every goon in sight, not caring that he had just abandoned his partner. Moments after kicking one of them in the face, he heard a scream that made his blood run cold. He turned his head and saw a mountain of men manhandling (Y/S/N). When he tried to run over to help, he was caught and hauled away.

It was a bad situation. Thankfully Batman and Nightwing came to their rescue after taking out Two-Face. The original dynamic duo brought the kids back to the cave to be looked at by Alfred. It was the quietest ride Damian could remember. He could tell without looking at anyone that not only was his father and brother mad at him, but she was furious. 

As he expected, when back in the cave, he got a real lecture on having your partner’s back from Batman and Nightwing. They ripped him a new one while Alfred stitched up a gash on his arm. Jason and Tim had gone out to take over patrol for the Robin and (Y/S/N). Alfred sat in silence, diligently caring for the boy, with a look of disappointment evident on his stoic face. Damian came out of the situation with a few scrapes, bruises, and a nasty gash on his forearm where one man had pulled a knife on him. (Y/S/N) wasn’t as lucky.

She came away from the encounter with a broken wrist, black eye, some broken ribs, and a broken arm. She was beaten like a grown man by a group of grown men. And her partner didn’t have her back. She was silently fuming while Dr. Thompkins reset her broken limbs and treated her. Her nails gripped the side of the table as much as she could to prevent her screaming. Both in pain, and at the person she once considered her friend. 

After Batman and Nightwing returned to patrol, Babs took over the computer so Alfred could take the injured teens upstairs. On the way up the stairs in the manor, (Y/N) refused to speak a word. Not a glance was spare in his direction. Before they could get to the floor Damian’s room was located on, she made a sharp turn into an empty bedroom and shut the door. Damian turned and stared at the door as he felt the guilt truly begin to suffocate him. 

He later found out that she had asked Alfred to prepare the room for her.  

It took Damian a month of his apologising and her silence before she even reacted to his existence. That reaction truly reminded him of her ferocity, but he’d never been on the receiving end of it. Until now. As soon as he approached her in the kitchen, she put her head down and began to count her breathing. Bruce was sitting next to her and watched this from over the Wall Street Journal and his cup of coffee. It seemed that Damian was so desperate for forgiveness, that he completely overlooked her apparent rage. 

Until she threw her bowl of cereal at his head. Bruce’s eyes widened, but he knew better than to stop her. When that girl got mad, she became damn near godly. Instead, he shifted himself in between the two teens to make sure she didn’t aggravate her injuries... and to make sure she didn’t kill his son.

Damian easily dodged the bowl and watched in shock as she commenced a full screaming rage rant at him. 

“You were my best friend, you self absorbed, sheltered, rich, asshole! You were supposed to have my back! I have had enough of this shit, I am done with people who won’t look out for me! I fucking ditched Selina’s “You’re a better hero miserable” ass for it. I refuse to give your bratty self entitled ass any special treatment! I.... I just fucking can’t with you.” She walked around Bruce and Damian. Marching her way to her room to pack her things. She already had a key to Jason’s safe house in Downtown Gotham. Now to figure out how to get there.

As she’s planning her exodus from the manor, a knock came at her door. She stopped moving and watched as her door slowly creaked open. Damian slowly walked in as if he were entering a lion’s cage. And he was. He had a look on his face that she couldn’t quite understand. But he finally understood.

He finally understood the feelings he had for her since they’d met all those years ago. He finally understood why he had been watching her the way he had for years. Finally understood why he kept her close to him. Finally understood why he had acted the way he did one month ago. Now might be his last opportunity to tell her. For the first time in his life, he can put his pride aside. Only with her.

She heard him out. They talked, they cried, and they came together in fully realized feelings.... But only after she slapped him across the face. Her exact words were that she wanted to “Slap the last bit of stupid boy” out of him. It was then that Damian knew, he Met his match.

“This has been a story read by Stephanie Brown and dictated by Dick.” Stephanie smiled as she ended the story she had been telling her Titan team mates. Wally looked at her with a somewhat amused and confused expression.

“Steph, we asked what time it was, not how the Demon Spawn got a girlfriend.”

[mattyfm]

new york’s very own matthew oliver was spotted on broadway street in converse . your resemblance to luke hemmings is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being temperamental , but also benevolent . i guess being a gemini explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be bubbly laughter, the smell of fresh coffee, & long drives to watch the sunset  .  ( cis male & he/him  )  +  ( monique , 20 , she/her , pst . )

my name is monique i’m both the baddest and saddest bitch you’ll ever meet and i have NEVER written a concise intro in my life, so be prepared for a lot of jumping around, incomplete thoughts, and information you didn’t ask for. without further ado let me introduce you to my angel boy matthew oliver.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬

full name. samuel matthew oliver.

nicknames. sam, sammy, matt, & matty (preferred name and most commonly refereed to as).

age. twenty-four.

date of birth. june 17th.

occupation. actor. (i might give him another job eventually but don’t hold me to that)

sexual / romantic orientation. bisexual & biromantic.

birthplace. asbury park, new jersey.

zodiac. gemini.

spoken languages. english.

𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

samuel mattew oliver was born to two extremely loving parents jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver, arguably one of the most influential celebrity couples known to man, at least that’s what it felt like growing up in the household, everyone was talking about the oliver’s and when they weren’t...well that never happened

as a middle child, preceded by his older brother mason, and succeeded by his younger sister cassandra, naturally he was born with a crave for validation, anything that separated him for his siblings

but naturally in his need to be different he found his closest allies, more so mason than cassie, but eventually she grew on him, and was most certainly not forced upon the dynamic duo of brother by their parents, but believe me he grew to adore her!

childhood was seemingly normal minus the bombarding questions from nosy students who wanted to know what it was like to have celebrity parents or be rich or live in a house with more bedrooms than necessary 

unlike his siblings however matty reveled in the attention way more than he let on, it was nice to be noticed for something, even if it wasn’t quite what he’d been hoping to be noticed for

but by no means was he stupid! he wouldn’t allow anyone to take advantage of him and had an unusual talent for knowing when people only wanted to use his friendship as some sort of gain for himself, and extended this talent to his sister cass, because boy oh boy did she need it

their dad who i forgot to mention was a professor at juiliard, his alma matter, caused a constant bouncing back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york

both places felt like home to the trio! they made so many good memories, however matty was extremely preferential to the coast, and to this day maintains a beach boy vibe, swears everything is just better by the beach

going back to his upbringing for a minute high school rolled around for him and mason and he just became even more extremely protective of cassie, he went through things extremely unknown to his family

on the outside he was the model person and student, honor roll, a long glowing list of extracurriculars including sports, even holding down a normal job like everyone else at his high school, and not a single blemish in his criminal record, the squeaky clean olivers remained squeaky cleans

HOWEVER there was some shady stuff going on behind the scenes my guy, nothing too terrible, just the usual teenager with loving parents who raise a troubled teen, not because of any past trauma but a need to feel seen

DRUGS & ALCOHOL TW got into a lot of fight but always told them they had to fight after school, he got into drugs, nothing too hardcore, just weed (is that a weed i’m calling the police vibes).....at first.....but that’s a different story so moving on! he of course drank with his buddies at high school parties, honestly just vibing my guys, just straight vibes always

secret!!!!

CAR ACCIDENT TW & ALCOHOL TW & DEATH TW one day he’s vibing, it’s the summer they’re celebrating another school year complete, and by the end of the night nearly black out drunk at this point, he knows he can’t go home so he decides to get a ride home with a buddy he worked with, tell his parents that said buddy took him home after work, they worked on homework and fell asleep. and honestly had he had a little less to drink, he would’ve realized that his friend was just as drunk as he was, but they drove anyways. this lead to a drunken car accident, that ended in the death of a pedestrian. thankfully his friend’s dad was a lawyer, and they covered that shit up immediately.

after this whole ordeal choose an accelerated course of study to pursue his acting career, finally something people would talk about that would be solely his, like not really, but let him have his moment alright, he was desperate 

lowkey feels guilty about being a hypocrite towards cassie because he’s telling her not to do any of the thing 

ADDICTION TW he almost kicked his habit but getting back into acting and the guilt of having blood on his hands, was too much for matty, and he developed a drug / alcohol dependency, which he recognized was extremely harmful! he went to rehab! and has been very vocal about his struggle with addiction ever since

had an on set romance with a costar that crashed and burned, quite publicly, and was just not good for his mental health one bit! def didn’t help with his constantly teetering sobriety but he managed to get through it with the help of his family and his friends

acting wise he’s starred in a bunch of movies but his baby is the netflix show that he’s been working on, i would like to think it’s kind of a sitcom esque show mixed with the same comedic timing of the office, parks n rec, those kinda self-aware humor vibes

ADDICTION TW he plays one of the main character, and his dipped his toes into directing and writing a couple of episodes, the show truly gives me one day at a time vibes, just brings light to mental health, addiction, important issues you don’t normally see portrayed on tv, and he def plays schneider, the bumbling rich boy who does and says what he’s told, struggles with addiction, has a super childish nature, and just a hint of self-awareness but just a hint as a little treat

this is so ooc but i’m realizing he’s quite literally schneider from one day at a time

MENTAL HEALTH TW & ANXIETY TW has receded from that cool kid persona he once held back in what i refer to as his ‘glory days’ and is now extremely vulnerable to everything and everyone, will literally cry if you even look at him the wrong way. struggles with really bad anxiety, among other mental health issues (which is why his netflix show and he advocate so heavily for mental health!) but is quite literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, softness runs in the oliver family ig.

IS LITERALLY SO CHILDISH....where was once extremely mature for his age....he now copes with his trauma by just acting like a toddler, literally mixes chocolate milk IN HIS MOUTH like a heathen, but that still doesn’t stop him from being fiercely protective of cassie, and will fight anyone for her

currently vibing! filming, being his best(?) self, and making trips to the nj coast

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

positive traits. accommodating, adaptable, affable, affectionate, agreeable, altruistic, amiable, attentive, caring, cheerful, communicative, compassionate, considerate, courteous, creative, dependable, easy-going, empathetic, exuberant, friendly, fun-loving, generous, gentle, genuine, gregarious, helpful, honest, humane, humble, joyful, kind, lively, loyal, loving, optimistic, outgoing, passionate, playful, reliable, resilient, romantic, sincere, sociable, tender, trustworthy, thoughtful, understanding, and warm-hearted.

negative traits. anxious, amenable, avoidant, awkward, critical, defensive, disorganized, dogmatic, (over)emotional, evasive, foolish, forgetful, forgiving, gullible, headstrong, hopeless, idealistic, impatient, impulsive, irrational, messy, moody, oblivious, (over)protective, sensitive, shy, thoughtless, and weak-willed.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

here’s some basic plot ideas but we can always brainstorm smth! friends, frenemies, enemies, friends to lovers, childhood friends, ex best friend, costars, unrequited crush, bad influence, exes, one night stand, roommates! i have

[atlasfms]

                  ok   ok   my   lazy   ass   finaLLY   decided   to   be   productive   so   here’s   an   updated   atlas   intro   which   is   probably   mostly   the   same   except   a   few   lil   deets   &   an   fc   &   vc   change   !   (    😈   )   but   hennywa YS   hey   angels   ,   i’m   lina   &   this   is   atlas   !   i’ve   been   writing   this   pain   in   the   backside   for   almost   two   years   now   so   if   u   would   like   to   plot   w   him   pl s   like   this   &   i   will   come   to   u   ,   or   hit   up   my   discord   𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐚𝐧   𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝   𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫#0369   !

new   york’s   very   own   𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐬      𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐫𝐨   was   spotted   on   broadway   street   in   𝐚𝐢𝐫      𝐣𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐧      𝟏𝐬   .   your   resemblance   to   𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒐      𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒗𝒂𝒋𝒂𝒍   is   unreal   .   according   to   tmz   ,   you   just   had   your   𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲      -      𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝   birthday   bash   .   while   living   in   nyc   ,   you’ve   been   labeled   as   being   𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔   ,   but   also   𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈   .      i   guess   being   a   sagittarius   explains   that   .   3   things   that   would   paint   a   better   picture   of   you   would   be   𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝      𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐬      ,      𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫      𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬      ,      𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬   .      &   (   cismale   &   he   /   him   )     +   (   𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒂      ,      𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚      -      𝒐𝒏𝒆      ,      𝒔𝒉𝒆      /      𝒉𝒆𝒓      ,      𝒈𝒎𝒕   .   )

TRIGGERS   :   DRUG   OVERDOSE   ,   DEATH   &   CANCER   .

:   //    𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒      .

NAME   :   atlas      (      to   carry      )      nathaniel      (      gift   of   god      )      arthur      (      noble      ;      courageous      )      deniro      (      notably   people   with   dark   or   black   hair      )      .

NICKNAMES   :   ace   ,   atty   ,   pain   in   the   ass   .

AGE   :   twenty   -   three   .

BIRTHDAY   :   december   third   .

ZODIAC   :   sagittarius   .

GENDER   :   male   .

PRONOUNS   :   he      &      him   .

NATIONALITY   :   american   .

ETHNICITY   :   english   ,   italian   .

LABEL(S)   :   the   jocular   ,   the   libertine   ,   the   lothario   .

OCCUPATION   :   model   ,   singer   ,   socialite   .

NETWORTH   :   50   mill

PROS   ;   athletic   ,   challenging   ,   charming   ,   curious   ,   daring   ,   debonair   ,   faithful   ,   forthright   ,   fun   -   loving   ,   humourous   ,   invulnerable   ,   passionate   ,   perserverant   ,   playful   ,   protective   ,   sociable   ,   spontaneous   ,   witty   .

CONS   :   abrasive   ,   arrogant   ,   blunt   ,   careless   ,   clumsy   ,   compulsive   ,   conceited   ,   deceitful   ,   destructive   ,   devious   ,   disobedient   ,   egocentric   ,   greedy   ,   ignorant   ,   meddlesome   ,   narcissistic   ,   obnoxious   ,   provocative   ,   reckless   ,   troublesome   ,   unstable   ,   vindictive   .

:      //      𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘      .

                  aldo   nathaniel   arthur   deniro   was   destined   for   greatness   .   everyone   knew   it      ;      hell   ,   even   the   biggest   ceo’s   in   new   york   were   shaking   in   their   boots   at   the   thought   of   what   this   young   man   was   capable   of   .   he   was   a   dead   -   ringer   for   his   father   ,   with   his   light   hair      &      bright   blue   eyes   ,   he   had   looks   ,   charms   ,      &      a   good   head   on   his   shoulders   .      &      like   his   father   ,   he   knew   what   he   wanted                        the   family   business   .   but   first   ,   he   had   to   go   to   college   .      &      only   ivy   league   would   do   for   the   son   of   one   of   the   world’s   richest   ceo’s   .

                  columbia   university   was   highly   prestigious   ,   private   ,      &      the   fifth   chartered   institution   of   higher   learning   in   the   united   states   .   besides   ,   it’s   business   school   was   one   of   the   oldest   in   the   world   ,   so   what   more   could   the   future   owner   of   the   family   company   want      ?      in   this   instance   ,   a   girlfriend   ,   but   he   didn’t   know   it   yet   .   when   nathaniel   met   scarlett   baccouche   ,   daughter   of   two   british   politicians   ,   they   didn’t   exactly   get   off   with   the   best   start                        they   hated   each   other   ,   in   fact   .   but   what   was   once   hate   turned   into   an   epic   love   story      &      after   they   graduated   ,   they   got   married   .   not   long   after   that   ,   they   had   the   twins   .

                  the   twins   were   stunning   ,   born   five   minutes   apart      &   kept   in   an   incubator   for   a   matter   hours   .   everyone   celebrated      ;      the   family   ,   friends   ,   even   supporters   of   the   notorious   family   .   his   hair   was   fair      &      there   were   arguments   over   whether   his   eyes   were   his   mother’s   or   his   father’s   .   but   since   he   was   born   ,   the   main   question   was   whether   he’d   follow   in   his   father’s   footsteps   or   his   mother’s   .   would   he   give   the   family   company   a   modern   twist      ?      would   he   be   this   generation’s   brad   pitt      &      be   the   star   of   hit   blockbusters   in   upcoming   years      ?      people   were   excited   ,   even   more   so   when   they   had   another   baby   ,   but   atlas   wasn’t   .   he   was   nowhere   near   it   .

                  the   deniro   household   had   it’s   challenges   .   they   seemed   like   the   perfect   family   unit   ,      &      perhaps   they   were   ,   but   aldo      &      scarlett   had   other   ideas   .   they   were   quite   strict   in   raising   their   children   ,   teaching   them   to   never   slouch   ,   to   use   your   manners   ,   to   keep   up   a   perfect   reputation   .   it   wasn’t   the   family   name   that   was   at   stake   ,   but   also   their   future   ,   because   like   everyone   else   in   the   world   expected   ,   they   wanted   their   children   to   grow   up      &      take   over   one   of   their   careers   ,      &      they   groomed   them   to   do   just   that   .   atlas   hated   it   .

                  he   hated   the   daily   tutors   supplied   by   his   father   ,   lessons   in   business      &      the   history   of   the   family’s   .   he   despised   the   acting   classes   his   mother   forced   him   to   take   ,   ones   which   he’d   often   skip   out   on   but   then   would   get   into   trouble   once   his   parents   found   out   .   he   felt   trapped      ;      forced   to   do   things   he   grew   to   loathe   .   to   him   ,   it   was   obvious   that   he   could   do   neither   of   the   things   his   parents   wanted   him   to   do   .   so   the   more   they   pushed   ,   the   more   he   pulled   away   .   he   started   to   feel   less   like   their   son   but   a   puppet   whose   strings   they   kept   pulling   .

                  what   he   didn’t   hate   ,   though   ,   was   the   feeling   if   his   fingers   on   guitar   strings   ,   singing   in   the   shower   because   that   was   the   only   place   he   could   sing   without   his   parents   complaining   about   him   making   a   noise   .   diane   would   often   smile   at   him   after   they   chastise   him      &      quietly   compliment   him   on   his   voice   ,   telling   him   he’d   do   great   things   one   day   .   of   course   ,   he   already   knew   this   .   his   music   teacher   told   him   once   that   he   could   sing   the   birds   to   silence   .

                  school   was   enjoyable   ,   as   it   goes   .   all   deniro   children   were   educated   in   a   private   school   ,      &      although   he   was   close   to   his   sisters   ,   he   made   friends   easily   .   he   had   a   charming   smile      &      witt   that   only   few   would   understand   ,   he   was   the   sort   of   kid   who   got   along   with   anyone   ,   but   he   couldn’t   consider   any   of   them   to   be   close   friends   .   so   whereas   to   them   he   looked   happy   ,   he   was   quite   the   opposite      ;      atlas   eventually   got   tired   of   his   parents   controlling   his   life   so   instead   of   keeping   up   his   otherwise   impeccable   reputation   ,   he   started   to   rebel   .

                  he   didn’t   really   do   a   lot   at   first   .   snuck   out   to   a   few   parties   ,   stayed   out   later   than   his   curfew   allowed   him   to   .   did   the   opposite   of   everything   his   parents   wanted   him   to   do   ,   be   that   going   to   the   classes   they   arranged   for   him   or   behave   himself   in   general   .   he   just   wanted   to   live   his   own   life   ,   do   what   he   wanted   .   he   wanted   to   focus   on   his   music      &      follow   a   path   that   he   knew   he   would   enjoy   .   so   he   decided   he’d   do   just   that   ,      &      for   a   while   he   felt   a   little   glimpse   of   what   being   truly   happy   felt   like   .

                  however   in   high   school   ,   atlas   got   involved   with   the   wrong   crowd   .   they   introduced   him   to   a   world   he   had   yet   to   really   experience      ;      a   world   full   of   alcohol   ,   sex   ,   drugs   ,      &      general   trouble   .   he   knew   he   shouldn’t   have   stuck   around   it   ,   but   it   was   addicting   .   it   was   so   unlike   the   restrained   life   he   grew   up   with   ,   that   he   jumped   right   into   it      &      found   himself   unable   to   get   out   of   .   there   was   more   to   it   ,   though   .   the   more   he   rebelled   the   more   people   started   to   notice   him   .   how   structured   his   jawline   was   ,   how   illuminated   his   eyes   were   under   any   light   .

                  atlas   hadn’t   really   had   an   interest   in   social   media   before   .   of   course   ,   he   had   an   instagram   account   that   he   barely   used   ,      &      didn’t   really   start   using   until   someone   mentioned   he   should   start   modelling   .   sure   ,   they   were   joking   but   avery   actually   considered   it      &      started   posting   pictures   of   himself   .   his   following   plummeted   ,      &      in   the   november   of   his   sophomore   year   he   was   scouted   a   modeling   agency      &      became   one   of   vogue’s   most   promising   talents   .

                  his   career   exploded   from   then   on   ,      &      so   did   his   popularity   .   he   met   people   he   would   never   have   had   the   chance   to   meet   otherwise   ,   more   specifically   someone   called   jason   .   the   pair   quickly   became   good   friends   ,   they   went   to   the   same   school   so   it   was   convenient   .   jason   acted   as   a   good   influence   on   avery   but   atlas   acted   like   a   bad   influence   on   him   ,   dragging   him   into   the   world   he   found   himself   stuck   in   which   is   when   things   started   going   downhill   .   jason   grew   a   little   too   accustomed   to   narcotics   ,   but   at   first   atlas   didn’t   notice   .   he   wasn’t   really   one   to   talk   ,   anyway   .

                  one   night   the   boys   headed   to   los   angeles   to   celebrate   their   upcoming   graduation   ,      &      before   going   for   a   night   out   they   decided   to   have   pre   -   drinks   in   their   hotel   room      &      started   popping   pills   .   atlas   didn’t   really   see   how   many   jason   took   ,   but   before   he   could   warn   him   it   was   already   too   late   .   everything   else   from   that   night   was   a   blur   of   blue   flashing   lights      &      a   lot   of   strangers   shouting   out   medical   terms   he   didn’t   understand   .   the   only   thing   he   really   remembered   from   that   night   were   the   words   ‘   he’s   dead   ’   .      &      an   overwhelming   feeling   that   it   was   his   fault   .

                  the   tragedy   of   jason’s   death   left   atlas   in   a   state   of   seclusion   .   he   spent   three   solid   months   alone   in   his   room   ,   blaming   himself   for   what   happened   ,   but   he   didn’t   stop   the   drugs   .   if   anything   ,   he   used   them   as   an   escapism   ,      &      when   his   parents   gave   him   an   ultimatum      :      rehab   or   college   ,   he   chose   the   latter   .   he   enrolled   in   columbia      &      took   up   the   same   business   course   his   father   did   .   for   the   first   month   ,   he   was   bitter   ,   cold   to   everyone   ,   would   barely   talk   if   he   could   help   it   .

                  but   some   of   his   old   school   friends   went   to   the   same   college   as   him   ,      &      atlas   started   to   feel   more   like   himself   again      (      or   a   version   of   himself   that   felt   similar   to   what   he   was   before      )      &      tried   to   forget   jason      &      everything   that   happened   .   his   parents   has   covered   up   the   death   so   avery   wasn’t   related   to   it   ,   a   cleverly   articulated   plan   to   keep   it   out   of   the   papers   .   but   that   didn’t   stop   the   questions   ,   which   avery   would   quickly   divert   in   order   to   forget   .   he   had   to   forget   .

                  he   didn’t   .   jason   was   his   friend   ,      &      one   of   the   few   people   who   truly   understood   him   .   jason   always   believed   in   atlas’s   music   ,   so   it   only   felt   right   that   he   returned   to   him   .   if   not   for   himself   ,   then   for   the   memory   of   his   late   friend   .   so   he   dropped   out   of   college   ,   found   himself   a   management      &      started   writing   songs   ,   composing   music   .   at   first   it   was   difficult      ;      every   time   he   sang   a   song   or   played   a   tune   ,   he’d   remember   jason   .   but   after   time   he   eased   into   it   ,   dropped   out   of   college   ,      &      has   been   working   on   his   first   album   ever   since   .

                  atlas   became   an   all   together   different   person   .   he   became   manipulative   ,   deceitful   ,   partying   every   night   to   erase   the   memory   of   that   night   like   it   would   somehow   go   away   ,   but   it   didn’t   .   every   time   he’d   close   his   eyes   ,   he’d   see   his   lifeless   friend   ,   so   he’d   stop   closing   them   .   he’d   spend   nights   in   a   stranger’s   bed   ,   only   to   leave   in   the   middle   of   the   night   .   he’d   drink   away   the   pain      &      swallow   down   the   guilt   that   was   threatening   to   swallow   him   alive   .

                  what   atlas   doesn’t   know   ,   though   ,   is   a   secret   his   parents   are   keeping   from   him   .   in   early   january   this   year   ,   his   father   was   diagnosed   with   localised   prostate   .   after   the   loss   of   jason   ,   atlas   became   distant   from   his   parents      &      they   didn’t   want   to   burden   him   with   the   news   due   to   him   only   just   getting   back   to   his   normal   self   after   the   trauma   of   losing   his   best   friend   .

:      //      𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘      .

                  outwardly   ,   atlas   appears   to   be   quite   content   .   he   can   start   a   conversation   with   anyone   ,   act   like   he’s   interested   but   then   three   minutes   later   he’ll   get   bored      &      move   onto   the   next   thing   that   interests   him   .   he   likes   staying   busy         &      preoccupied   ,   thinking   that   if   he   keeps   his   mind   busy   ,   he   won’t   think   about   the   past   .   it’s   for   that   reason   that   it’s   hard   to   tell   what   he’s   actually   thinking   ,   unless   you   know   him   really   well   or   are   good   at   reading   people   .

                  he   can   be   very   cynical   ,   a   trait   that   he’s   carried   since   he   was   young   but   he   was   better   at   hiding   it   then   ,   now   he   really   does   not   care   .   at   first   it   mattered   to   him   what   people   thought   ,   now   he   couldn’t   care   less   .   he   does   what   he   wants   when   he   wants   ,   often   not   thinking   about   the   consequences   of   his   actions      &      then   dealing   with   them   later   .   it’s   for   this   reason   that   he   can   be   quite   manipulative   ,   using   his   charms   to   get   what   he   wants      (      or   who   he   wants      )      to   serve   as   a   distraction   .

                  he   can   be   quite   brutal   about   his   opinions   ,   learning   a   long   time   ago   that   holding   your   tongue   won’t   benefit   you   at   all   so   he   basically   just   says   what   he   wants   .   but   ,   he   doesn’t   really   answer   questions   directly   ,   especially   if   they’re   personal   .   he’ll   more   likely   change   the   subject   or   divert   the   question   to   someone   else      &      act   like   he   was   the   one   who   asked   the   question   in   the   first   place   .

            atlas   is   very   reckless      &      will   literally   do   anything   for   a   good   time   ,   be   that   getting   so   drunk   his   face   hits   the   floor   ,   or   so   high   he   forgets   his   own   name   ,   or   to   even   cliff   diving   so   he   can   get   some   form   a   thrill   .   if   someone   tells   him   he   can’t   do   something   ,   he’ll   go   out   of   his   way   to   prove   them   wrong   .   he’s   incredibly   stubborn      &      has   a   tendency   to   let   people’s   words   go   through   one   ear      &      out   of   the   other   .

:      //      𝐅𝐔𝐍      𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒      .

he’s   honestly   such   a   lil   shit   tbh      ??      idk   how   else   to   describe   him

he’s   a   vegetarian      &      has   been   since   he   was   eight   bc   he   watched   this   documentary   once      &      was   Distraught

his   vc   is   lauv      (   ily   bazzi   pls   forgive   me   )

he   has   a   dog   called   bloomer      &      he’s   his   literal   son   ,   like   his   actual   child

he   still   lives   in   his   huge   ass   penthouse   so   if   anyone   wants   2   be   his   roommate   that’s   a   plot   for   u

atlas   is   literally      ??      such   a   fuckboy      ??      but   he   denies   it      &      says   he’s   just   charming   ,   when   rly   he’s   a   lil   bitch

a   dramatic   hoe   who   lives   for   drama   but   is   100%   the   sort   who   will   run   away   if   it   gets   too   much   bc   he’s   a   mess

when   he’s   dedicated   to   something   ,   be   it   a   subject   or   a   relationship   ,   he’s   completely   faithful   which   is   v   surprising

adores   his   fans      &      will   actually   do   anything   for   them   ,   has   been   known   to   punch   out   a   security   guard   or   two   so   he   can   get   to   them

fun   fact   once   he   got   arrested   for   racing   on   private   property

another   fun   fact   is   he   loves   cars   so   pls   do   not   touch   his   bbies   thank   u

he   might   seem   all   fine      &      dandy   but   he’s   on   the   verge   of   a   mental   breakdown   but   won’t   admit   it

gets   drunk   ,   high   ,      &      hooks   up   with   strangers   on   the   regular

he’s   fluent   in   italian      &      has   a   HUGE   italian   family

atlas   can   come   across   as   being   ignorant      &         self   -   absorbed   ,   but   he’s   actually   really   observant      &      notices   everything

is   100%   the   sort   of   ‘   fall   in   love   with   the   moment      &      think   you’re   in   love   with   the   girl   ’   type   of   guy   but   it   lasts   for   like   2   seconds   bc   he’s   fickle

speaking   of   fickle   ,   he’s   had   many   relationships   that   haven’t   lasted   that   long   bc   he   can’t   decide   what   he   wants   from   one   minute   to   the   next

:      //      𝐓𝐇𝐄      𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐒      .

                  last   time   i   didn’t   do   a   summary   of   the   deniros   but   honestly   they’re   apart   of   me   just   like   atlas   himself   ,   so   i   wanted   to   do   a   few   quick   bullet   points   bc   who   doesn’t   love   a   huge   ass   italian   family      !

obviously   ,   the   deniros   come   from   an   italian   decent      &      let’s   put   it   this   way   ...   there’s      a   lot      of   them   .

the   deniros   originate   from   florence   ,   italy      &      although   there’s   an   ever   growing   list   of   little   additions      &      the   fact   that   they   ,   for   the   most   part   live   in   different   parts   of   the   world   ,   they’re   an   incredibly   tight   -   kint   family   .

the   deniros   are   also   very   ,   very   rich   ,   like   multi   -   billionaire   rich   which   collectively   brings   the   family’s   net   worth   to   obviously   extortionate   amounts   .

there   are   multiple   businesses   which   certain   members   of   the   family   is   responsible   for   ,   but   atlas’s   father   has   by   far   the   most   profited      &      therefore   most   stressful   one   .   the   company   that   literally   brands   the   family   is   called   ‘   allora   ’   ,      &      they’re   a   parent   company   for   some   very   expensive      &      luxurious   brands      (      i.e.   victoria’s   secret   ,   gucci   ,   there’s   more   but   like   the   failure   i   am   i   have   Forgotten      )

the   deniros   are   a   very   proud      &      highly   anticipated   family   ,   success   meaning   more   to   them   than   it   does   the   average   person

despite   this   however   ,   they’re   incredibly   traditional      &      spend   nearly   every   holiday   together   ,   as   organised   by   nonno   arnaldo      &      nonna   corina   .

atlas’s   favourite   uncle   is   by   far   his   uncle   toni      (      i   see   u   vi   hitting   up   his   ims      )

there’s   a   long   line   of   twins   in   the   family   ,   including   atlas      &      his   twin   as   well   as   their   father   ,   who   is   twins   with   their   aunt   camilla

they   have   kind   of   .....   a   pattern   w   names   sufjgjji   they   all   match   alphabetically   in   some   way   because   their   grandparents   are   obsessed   with   aesthetics

they   have   their   own   tv   show   coming   up      !      stay   tuned   for   more

uhhh   there’s   probs   more   so   i’ll   come   back   to   this

:      //      𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄   :   𝐀𝐒   𝐎𝐅   𝟏𝟑/   𝟎𝟒/   𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗   .

                  good   god   so   much   has   happened   since   i   first   brought   atlas   to   life   agfkgjo   so   here’s   a   little   update   since   i’m   too   lazy   to   write   that   huge   ass   biography   all   over   again      !

ok   so   he’s   still   a   little   bitch   ...   but   it’s   more   now   with   the   intention   of   being   a   little   bitch   than   it   is   accidental

he’s   released   his   first   album      !      it’s   titled   ‘   damage   control   ’      &      has   reached   amazing   success   .   his   world   tour   starts   in   august      &      he’s   incredibly   excited      !

he’s   also   had   the   opportunity   to   work   with   some   incredible   brands   ,      &      is   very   soon   going   to   be   the   face   of   an   incredibly   successful   brand   that   u’ll   learn   more   about   later   probably

as   for   his   modeling   work   ,   he’s   the   male   ambassador   of   paco   rabanne’s   fragrance   ‘   1   million   ’   ,   he   has   his   own   personalised   clothing   line   collaboration   with   calvin   klein   ,   has   been   working   with   prada   A   LOT   recently   as   well   as   some   other   brands   i’m   too   lazy   to   think   of

last   year   he   won   the   fashion   awards’   model   of   the   year      !      look   at   him   popping      !

it’s   not   all   sunshine      &      rainbows   though      (      is   it   ever   avdhgj      )      because   after   a   recent   questioning   at   the   police   station      (      there’s   a   self   -   para   somewhere      )      he’s   been   getting   flashbacks   of   memories   he’s   been   pushing   back   ever   since   jason   died   ,   but   now   they’re   all   coming   back   so   he’s   been   resorting   to   drinking   excessively      &      abusing   drugs   more   than   usual   just   to   forget

in   the   same   light   ,   he’s   also   started   racing   again      &      starting   fights   with   people   for   the   heck   of   it

so   basically   ......   he’s   a   huge   ass   mess   like   a   bigger   mess   than   usual

BUT   HE’LL   GET   BETTER      !!!      it   just   might   take   some   time      &      some   help   to   get   there   but   he’ll   be   better

:      //      𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄   :   𝐀𝐒   𝐎𝐅   𝟎𝟗/𝟏𝟎/   𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟗   .

atlas   has   had      .   .   .      a   little   bit   of   a   wild   ride   the   past   few   months   fjdkgng

on   the   anniversary   of   jace’s   passing   ,   he   was   in   a   dark   place      &      ended   up   overdosing   ,   landing   him   in   a   three   day   coma

after   That   drama   ,   he   was   slammed   into   therapy   sessions      &      had   to   cancel   his   debut   tour   which   he   was   not   happy   abt   but   🤷🏼‍♀️   that’s   what   happens   when   u   do   stupid   shit   atlas

so   yeah   ,   he’s   been   going   through   it   the   past   few   months   ,   facing   his   worst   fears   etc   but   eventually   he’s   getting   BETTER

he   was   well   enough   to   take   part   in   fashion   month   so   i’d   say   he’s   doing   good      !

his   relationship   with   his   dad   is   improving      ??      not   Improved   but   after   his   overdose   his   dad   stop   being   pushy      &      atlas   realised   that   he’s   been   a   dick   to   him   too   so   they’re   on   the   mend

they   even   struck   a   deal   that   i’ll   tell   y’all   abt   later

um      ??      is   that   it      ??      i   think   SFGKJDG   WE’LL   SEE

:      //      𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒      .

𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁   𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱(𝘀)   :   the   people   except   from   his   sisters   who   understand   him   perhaps   better   than   he   even   understands   himself   .   they’re   like   two   peas   in   a   pod   ,   where   one   goes   the   other   is   soon   to   follow      &      there   isn’t   a   lot   that   they   wouldn’t   do   for   each   other   .      (      giovanni   narciso   ,   zion   kang   ,   open   to   more   .      )

𝗲𝘅𝗲𝘀   :   ok   so   atlas   has   a   lot   of   exes   ,   either   on   good   or   bad   terms   ,   for   a   short   period   of   time   or   a   long   period   of   time   .   this   can   either   be   angsty   or   where   they   broke   up      &      are   now   friends      !      (      open   .      )

𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱   𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀   :   basically   his   first   girlfriend      !      their   parents   are   friends      &      basically   set   this   up   like   parents   sometimes   do   ,   thinking   they   know   best      &      they   dated   for   a   good   portion   of   their   life      (      think   nate      &      blair      )      but   in   high   school   ,   when   atlas   had   a   change   of   heart   he   wasn’t   sure   what   he   felt   for   her   was   real   so   he   broke   it   off   without   any   explanation   like   the   dumbass   he   is   .      (   antonella   cosmatos   .    )

𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀   :   atlas’s   penthouse   is   huge   ,   too   big   for   just   one   person   to   live   in   so   it’s   highly   possible   that   he   has   a   roommate   or   two      !      (      alanna   deniro   .    )

𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗲𝘀   :   sometimes   they   like   each   other   ,   sometimes   they’re   bickering   like   there’s   no   tomorrow   .      (      camilla   benvenuto   .      )

𝗲𝘅   -   𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴   :   he   doesn’t   really   do   these   anymore   bc   he’s   🥰   but   he   definitely   has   had   a   few   of   these   in   the   past      !      they   never   really   put   a   label   on   anything   ,   it   was   a   bit   of   fun   but   then   they   decided   to   end   it   for   whatever   reason      !      (   open   .    )

𝗲𝘅   -   𝖿𝗐𝖻   :   before   this   bitch   went     &     got   himself   a   gf   ,   he   was   the   biggest   hoe     &    probably   had   a   few   booty   calls   when   he   got   a   little   too   bored   .      (     open   .    )

𝘀𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗱   :   i   forgot   what   i   was   gonna   type   here   djgkgjg   but   yes      !      please      !      (      open   .      )

𝗲𝘅   𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁   𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀   :   there   was   a   time   where   the   pair   were   inseparable   .   they’d   go   everywhere   together   ,   do   everything   together      &      were   as   close   as   family   .   until   one   day   one   of   them   did   something   to   hurt   the   other   ,      &      now   they   can’t   stand   each   other   .      (      stellan   alto   ,   taylor   perry   .      )

𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹   𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿   :   they’re   always   bumping   into   each   other   .   no   matter   the   place   ,   time   ,   or   reason   why   they’re   there   ,   these   two   are   always   finding   company   in   each   other   in   the   strangest   of   places      &      now   they   have   a   strange   friendship   .      (      kylie   castillo   .      )

𝗼𝗻𝗲   𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁   𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱   :   they   got   drunk   one   night      &      ended   it   hooking   up   .   it   would’ve   been   fine   ,   if   atlas   hadn’t   left   their   apartment   in   the   middle   of   the   night   without   saying   a   word   ,   so   now   it’s   just   awkward   .      (      donna   marchesi   .      )

𝗯𝗮𝗱   𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲   𝗼𝗻   :   they   work   together   on   campaigns   which   often   lead   to   long   days   ,      &      atlas   being   atlas   ,   is   constantly   trying   to   think   of   reasons   to   get   drunk      &      this   poor   person   is   always   being   dragged   into   his   bad   habits   .      (      open   .      )

𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱   𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲   :   atlas   is   the   sort   of   person   who’s   always   making   bad   decisions      &      as   a   result   can   be   quite   pessimistic   .   despite   him   constantly   trying   to   antagonize   them   ,   this   person   serves   as   a   good   influence   on   him   so   their   friendship   ,   however   strangely   surprising   is   something   of   a   miracle   .      (      open   .      )

𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲   𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽   :   although   atlas   taking   things   seriously   is   sometimes   a   task   in   itself   ,   when   it   comes   to   his   friends   he’ll   go   to   the   ends   of   the   earth   for   them   ,   especially   for   this   person   .   he   won’t   see   anything   bad   happen   to   them      &      will   always   have   their   back   no   matter   what   .      (      vera   bantini   .      )

𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹   𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆   /   𝘄𝗼𝗻’𝘁   𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆   :   she   knew   his   sisters   first   ,      &      when   they   met   for   the   first   time   at   atlas’s   parents   yacht   party   in   2015   they   developed   some   sort   of   flirtationship   .   over   the   years   ,   what   was   once   harmless   flirting   became   something   much   more   than   that      &      it’s   now   at   the   point   where   they’re   on   the   verge   of   dating   but   haven’t   made   it   official   yet   .      (      violet   lennox   .      )

𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲   𝗼𝗿   𝗱𝗶𝗲   :   be   it   racing   or   anything   sporadically   reckless   ,   these   pair   do   it   together      &      have   earned   quite   a   name   for   themselves   .   whether   they   get   caught   or   not   ,   they’re   in   it   for   a   good   time   not   a   long   time      &      at   the   times   that   they   find   themselves   behind   jail   cells   ,   at   least   they   have   millions   of   dollars   to   bail   them   out   .      (      ellie   flynn   .      )

𝘁𝗵𝗲   𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘂𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿   :   this   person   dragged   atlas   into   a   world   that   he’s   been   stuck   in   since   high   school   .   he   joined   their   group   of   friends   in   sophomore   year      &      it   was   here   where   his   reputation   started   to   build   .   although   he   knows   he   shouldn’t   ,   he   feels   grateful   for   them   because   it   was   at   this   time   that   he   realised   he   should   do   what   he   wants      &      not   give   a   damn   about   what   anyone   thinks   .      (      open   .      )

[viclents]

me  :  comes  up  w  a  witty  intro  tagline

u  :  is  intrigued

u  :  wants  to  plot  w  me  and  my   ~ 𝖟 ó 𝖓  ~

me  :  😏😏😏

               *        chicago’s very own     ( zion kang )      has been spotted on madison avenue driving a     ( triumph bonneville t120 motorcycle )     , welcome ! your resemblance to     ( charles melton )      is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your      ( twenty-fifth ) birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re      ( tempestuous )    , but being     ( formidable )      might help you . i think being a     ( leo ) explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be        ( the insomniac’s giveaway of dark bags beneath tired eyes ,  violently bared teeth to keep the world at a distance , all black everything . )     ( i grew up a victim and eventual perpetrator of gang violence and it was only through my sobriety and a plea arrangement that i’m staying out of prison . )       &       ( cismale  + he / him  ) +  ( toby , 18+ , she / they , pst )

                *   𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉  

001 :  this  is  zion  !  his  mom  had  him  at  an  undetermined  young  age  and  his  dad  was  some  good  for  nothing  gang  banger  so  he  was  already  not  dealt  the  best  of  cards  :/

002 : his  maternal  grandparents  took  him  in  to  give  him  some  shot  at  having  a  normal  life  !  his  grandpa  was  ex  military  and  his  grandma  was  a  religious  fanatic  so  this  was  maybe  the  opposite  of  what  he  would  have  ended  up  w  ,  is  it  possible  to  have  TOO  structured  of  an  upbringing  ?

003 :  his  mom  would  stop  by  to  see  him  every  few  months  ,  bringing  little  treats  and  murmuring  questions  like  ‘  where  does  grandma  keep  the  jewlery  ,  z  ?  ’  in  her  sickly  sweet  voice

004 :  zion  ,  young  and  starved  for  the  affection  his  grandparents  witheld  from  him  ,  was  v  easily  manipulated  by  his  mom  :/  poor  bby

005 :   he  ended  up  having  a  LOT  of  behavioral  issues  w  his  childhood  being  kinda  shitty  n  acted  out  a  lot  in  school  !  it  got  to  a  point  where  the  school  psychiatrist  was  like  dear  god  lemme  look  @  this  kid  fr  and  diagnosed  zion  w  bipolar  disorder  and  oppositional  defiance  disorder  aka  he  was  NOT  fond  of  bein  told  what  to  do  !

006 :   he  was  p  much  NOT  abt  to  graduate  high  school  after  getting  involved  in  a  bunch  of  bad  shit  ,  drugs  ,  alcohol  ,  vandalizing  shit  ,  fights  ,  gang  activity  ,  the  whole  nine  yards  when  his  grandpa  passes  away  of  a  heart  attack  v  suddenly  .  his  gma  ,  heartbroken  and  hurt  ,  snaps  at  zion  and  tells  him  its  bc  of  all  the  shit  he  put  their  family  thru  and  that  hits  z  ,  hard

007 :  he  finds  rap  music  as  his  comfort  ,  since  his  gma  all  but  ignores  him  in  the  house  now  ,  and  starts  turning  to  art  and  music  as  his  new  outlet  for  his  energy  .  finally  APPAEARS  to  get  his  shit  together  when  he  joins  a  group  and  shoots  to  stardom  w  his  rap  group  (  vc  BROCKHAMPTON  )

 008 :  his  music  gets  him  out  of  the  slums  and  barely  through  graduation  but  he’s  still  got  a  lot  of  pent  up  anger  and  hostility  !  moves  out  of  his  grandparents  house  but  gets  sucked  into  some  gang  nonsense  from  his  past  and  nearly  ends  up  in  prison  if  it  werent  for  a  plea  deal  and  a  V  discreet  lawyer  that  kept  his  business  out  of  the  tabloids  !  

009 :  he  wants  to  keep  it  that  way  so  he  doesn’t  risk  his  past  comin  back  to  bite  him  in  the  ass  now  that  he’s  in  a  decent  place  in  his  life  ,  living  w  money  finally  and  being  in  control  of  what  he  wants  and  how  he  wants  it  !

010 :  now  is  rlly  famous  from  his  rapping  (  i’m  debating  between  a  matt  champion  or  a  joba  vc  so  cast  ur  votes  to  help  a  girl  out  pls  😤  )  and  also  has  dabbled  successfully  in  music  production  ,  which  is  his  main  focus  at  the  moment  !

               *    𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙

001 :   personality  wise  ,  y’all  know  how  this  eboy  movement  is  kinda  taking  over  ?  

002 :  imagine  an  e-boy  that  ur  actually  AFRAID  of  n  that’s  zion  !

003 :  FORREAL  THO  the  mans  is  like  6’1  of  pure  untamed  aggression  ,  he  has  absolutely  0  filter  and  will  not  hesitate  to  make  an  enemy  of  someone  just  bc  they  looked  at  him  wrong  .  he’s  naturally  hostile  and  has  a  resting  bitch  face  but  that’s  just  to  warn  u  of  the  broody  angry  boy  that  the  face  belongs  to  !

004 :  he  gives  ZERO  shits  abt  how  he’s  perceived  bc  he  knows  he’s  talented  and  has  worked  for  the  fame  he  has  and  cherishes  now  .  he  doesn’t  take  critiques  well  n  has  a  naturally  aggressive  /  sarcastic  disposition  that  makes  him  ,  quite  frankly  ,  an  asshole  !  

005 :   unpredictable  temper  ,  seriously  effin  volatile  n  ready  to  SWING  when  needed  ,  honestly  probably  only  has  a  circle  of  like  2  ppl  bc  most  ppl  don’t  tolerate  his  broody  aggressive  antics  long  enough  to  get  to  his  slightly  softer  side  

006 :    if  u  can  brave  the  aggression  and  the  temper  ,  u  see  a  deeply  creative  and  considerate  individual  who  would  give  the  clothes  off  his  back  for  the  ppl  he  cares  abt  .  nobody  would  believe  he  has  something  even  RESEMBLING  a  soft  side  bc  he’s  so  gd  ANGRY  most  of  the  time  but  any  of  his  exes  or  best  friends  can  attest  to  the  big  bad  wolf  having  a  gentle  caring  side  !

007 :  he’s  intense  n  deeply  passionate  and  as  long  as  u  stay  in  ur  lane  he’ll  stay  in  his  ,  he’s  p  professional  and  has  a  v  composed  aesthetic  bc  he’s  v  particular  about  himself  n  his   #Brand

00?  :    quick  hc’s  :  he’s  left  handed  ,  if  he  wasnt  a  musician  he’d  be  a  tattoo  artist  ,  u  will  NEVER  catch  him  wearing  any  shade  of  not-black  in  his  official  public  appearances  ,  has  a  lowkey  stupid  sense  of  humor  despite  being  so  gd  SERIOUS  all  the  time  ,  n  he’s  living  straight  edge  besides  the  constant  cigarettes  he’s  puffin  on  even  tho  he  still  raps  abt  drugs  n  shit  !

[x-useobwa-x]

༄ are you mad? | 너 화났어?

Jungkook x Reader

➺ Word count: + 1k

╰Due to his PC being broken, Jungkook finds himself visiting the internet cafe daily for hours to play Overwatch. He's an outstanding player, by far better than many of his teammates and he carries his games, but there's one player he always encounters over and over again.

a/n: yooo! I've been itching to write this short thing for a while already! It's nothing special or anything, but I really enjoyed it! It was a nice change from my usual stuff! 🤧👌🏼

Start reading!

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Jesus fucking christ.

„Fuck!“ he curses under his breath.

This is the seventh time he got sniped down out of the blue and everytime he peeks at the kill-feed, he's burning with rage.

It's the same name. All over again, he's getting killed by the same goddamn player. This has been going on since the day his PC broke.

How it broke in the first place? Well, in his opinion it was because of said player. Even while he was playing at home, he already got hunted down by that one person behind the screen somewhere in the world, making him question all the talent he actually has. At some point he got so angry that he lost his control and kept kicking his computer, loaded with rage.

This is now two weeks ago, and he can't get over the fact that this guy is better than him. Usually he would look up to these better than him, but with this goddamn little shit he just can't get any clear thoughts.

He's so fixated on finding the enemies' Widowmaker that he got too careless and- shoot.

„What the FUCK,“ he yells into his headset, having the majority of the internet cafe turning around and giving him looks.

This damn guy.

Venom. Once again, it was Venom that shot him down.

‚I'm so sick and tired of this dude. Jesus fucking christ.‘

Jungkook is far beyond reaching his limit. This has to be settled, once and for good. He's furiously typing something down in the game-chat.

[Seagull: yo venom, after this game, let's go 1vs1 and lets put an end to this. Its been weeks and you can't seem to fucking stop.]

[Venom: lol what you so triggered for. its just a game bro.]

‚It's just a game? Jesus christ. This... this dude really is something.‘

[Seagull: are you scared?]

[Venom: nope. just not serious about this game. but if you insist, lol sure.]

Jungkook is evily grinning to himself.

This will be the last time he'll get his ass whooped by Venom. That dude might be good with 5 other players on his team that distract Jungkook, but on a 1vs1 battle he definitely will have the upper hand.

„Kook are you sure you want to do that?“ Seokjin calls out to him through the voice chat.

„Yeah I am. I am so sick of getting my ass beaten by that kid, I have to.“

„Well, good luck, because the game's ending now.“

Jungkook doesn't fucking care. He just wants to settle this. He has to show off that he's better, he has to-

‚What the actual fuck?‘

Now he's really pissed. As soon as the game finishes and the ‚Play of the game‘ comes up, he has to fight the urge to throw away the keyboard.

The recap shows one of the many times Venom has shot him down, and it wasn't even a good one in Jungkooks opinion.

[Seagull: wow kinda sad that you got the POTG with that.]

[Venom: you butthurt or smth?]

„B-butthurt??“ he scoffs. „This little...“

„Well. See you, Kook. Good luck with Venom.“ Seokjin says and leaves the group.

He's waiting. He's waiting for Venom to invite him into a private game so he can restore his pride. He is butthurt, but that doesn't mean that he has to admit that to everyone.

[GROUP INVITATION FROM VENOM]

,Finally. Took him long enough.‘ is all he thinks as he clicks ,accept‘.

[Venom: widowmaker 1vs1?]

[Seagull: yes ofc]

[Venom: lol aight]

As both of them enter the game, Jungkooks fingers are itching to turn this around.

‚5...4...3...2...1...go!‘ the game counts down and both of them rush out of their bases to hide.

Jungkook is concentrating with all he has while he zooms into his scope as he tries to track down Venom.

„There you are,“ he whispers as he finds the hated enemy and slowly moves his cursor to steady his aim on Venoms head.

‚Gotcha!‘

Jungkook immediately takes the lead. He's feeling so content right now- they're roughly 20 seconds in and he already shot him down. Using the time until Venom respawns, he repositions himself and hides, scope fixated in the direction of the enemy's base.

‚Come out, come on, show yourself.‘

Just as he finished his thought, he gets shot, and Jungkook can‘t help but stare in disbelief. Where the fuck did he hide? Why didn't he see him? He hates to admit it, but that was a very good play.

[Seagull: yo wtf. that was actually sick,,,]

[Venom: thx broski]

[Seagull: nah we aint bros man. but still, that was dope as fuck.]

The game keeps going like this; both are pretty much equally good, and Jungkook hates that he realizes that. Well, at least he isn't worse. But what actually is worse, is that he starts enjoying playing with Venom. It has been ages that Jungkook met someone that could keep up with his skill.

It stands 29-29 right now, the game limit being 30 kills. This is now going to decide things.

[Venom: this is actually pretty fun. i mean, i have my cursor on your head for the past 2 minutes but i don't want to shoot, i'on want this to be over yet]

[Seagull: ikr, tbh i even feel bad for all the hate and the tons of reports i sent in because of you lmao]

[Venom: EXCUSE ME WHAT CNXND YOU REPORTED ME??? YOU ASSHAT I GOT EXP PENALTY BECAUSE OF YOU I—]

[Seagull: ,,,sOrry??? idk man you really pissed me off ajfksk i hated that you were better its not even that you were better its just that you were always so cOckY OOF i hated it but ur actually?? pretty fun??]

[Venom: lol i'm sorry but your reactions always were gold kfkdls]

[Seagull: yea i,,, i can see that LOL i got pretty worked up. I even crushed my computer in anger oops]

[Venom: you did wHat]

[Seagull: HFKDKDL LET ME BE]

Jungkook is smiling to himself. This guy isn't all too bad after all. Not even half as cocky as he thought. Maybe he'd even end up teaming up with him some time. That thought is immediately cancelled again, though.

Suddenly, his character falls, shot down by the person he just praised for not being as bad as he initially thought. Fuck that.

[Seagull: WHAT THE FUCK BRUH??]

[Venom: lol i thought i'm not your bro]

[Seagull: yEah NOT ANYMORE NOW,,,]

[Venom: are you mad?]

[Seagull: uhh y e s ?? I thought we didn't want to finish this fkdkls]

[Venom: IM SORRY BUT YOUR REACTIONS REALLY JUST ARE SO GOOD I CANT HELP IT-]

Jungkook sighs. He wants to be pissed, but he can't really. He knows it was just meant as a joke, but still, that means the game is over now, and he's kind of feeling sad.

[Seagull: yo... you maybe wanna stay in the group and keep talking a bit? y'know, just being on the title screen and ,,, t a l k]

[Venom: u mean voice chat?]

[Seagull: yea i mean if you want to,,,]

[Venom: uhh sure why not]

Jungkook enables the voice chat and waits for Venom to do the same.

As soon as he gets the notification that his new mate joined the voice chat, there's some sort of awkward silence; it seems like neither of them wants to go first, but then they happen to start talking at the same time.

„Uhh hello?“

„Uhm, hi?“

Silence. Jungkooks eyes widen an unreal amount and his mouth slightly falls open.

There are two things that he would like to point out. First, the voice belongs to a girl, which he didn't expect at all. But the second thing is, that the voice came from nowhere else than the booth right next to him.

He jumps out of his chair and watches as you do the exact same- and there you both are, looking at each other like two idiots.

„You- you're Venom??“

„You are Seagull? Dude we've been both coming here everyday sitting in the same damn places??“

„As if I didn't figure that yet. What the- so you are the person that keeps hunting me down?“ he says as if he's just figured out all the mysteries of the world.

„What do you mean ‚hunting you down‘? YOU are hunting me down!“

The both of you stare at each other, pouts on your faces before you burst into laughter.

What the actual fuck is happening right now? An hour ago he wished to rip the gamer that goes by the name Venom into pieces, and now he's standing infront of you and your smile and the melody of your laughter is sending his stomach tingling. Is this what people call ‚love at the first sight‘? Because if so, that's definitely what's happening right now. A girl? Not to mention a very beautiful one? Playing his favorite game almost better than he himself does? And on top of that she's funny and seems nice so far? He'd be damned if he'd let this opportunity slide. He could be living the dream of many, many men and he's not one to pass a chance he'd like to take.

„You know, what do you think about us just logging out for now and grab a coffee together? Getting to know each other and continuing our talk offline?“ he smirks, eyes big and full of hope.

„Hmm, I guess that does sound fair, I mean, I owe you one for all the teasing and for your broken computer, huh?“

„You totally do,“ he says as a wide smile starts spreading across his lips.

[vgregss]

Dear Kobe.

I have to let this out somehow.

The death of Kobe has me real down. It’s crazy because I personally don’t know him, never met him. Seen him at a couple of games and taken pictures of him from a far. I have never had a conversation with him. Nothing of the sort to say we were ever even acquaintances. This man was a professional athlete, a celebrity, a legend. Someone I admired from afar. 

I became a fan as soon as I moved to California at 11/12 years old. I noticed his fight and dominance in basketball at a young age. He was incredibly fun to watch. I instantly became someone who looked up to him. My first hero in sports. Living in southern California and still mooching off the cable of my parents, I was able to watch almost every single game. I witnessed him winning championships and watched games with my friends, or just flat out watched by myself in the living room yelling and screaming at the tv. I can still hear my mom from the other room, “Vanessa! That’s not lady-like.” I’d get so upset sometimes as if I were a Laker. My parents, though, would always ask after I watched a game, whether it be home or out with friends, “did the Lakers win?!?” They knew my love for the Lakers and Kobe at a young age. One of my, if not first, jersey’s was Kobe’s gold 8. I still have it. It’s in my closet and I plan on wearing it this week. I wrote one of my college papers on Kobe. I grew up with him. I watched him become more of a man over the years, a fierce and loyal competitor of the game, and an icon. One of the GOATs and THE GOAT of my generation. I didn’t grow up watching Michael, I grew watching Kobe. Just as he had struggled and became frustrated when father time came knocking and the Lakers weren’t building around him any longer, we as fans were right there with him struggling and getting frustrated. We felt his pain. We were so used to seeing him succeed, we wanted more for him, more OF him. I have gotten into heated altercations with friends and even strangers about Kobe. Debating about whether or not he’s the greatest to ever do it. I could go on all day sometimes. It would bring me joy to defend this man and his talents that I so believed in. Then the time came. He retired. I will never forget watching that game at a bar screaming “Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!” as if the whole bar was suddenly the Staples Center.  I cried a little that night after he walked off the court, in somewhat disbelief that this was his last game. That I will never see a fade-away jumper from him or crazy under the basket dunk ever again; unless I youtube it or ESPN decides to show highlights. The Kobe I grew up with, grew up, too. He had to move on from the game, he had to live the next chapter of his life. And I as a fan, had to respect that. We want to keep them there in those wonderful moments forever because the memories bring us such joy. We don’t want to believe he isn’t bringing us new stories or “did you watch that game last night when Kobe did this...?!” moments. We had to move on too. So, we did. Kobe went on to create a short animated story of his love for basketball, win an Oscar, have 2 more baby girls, did Detail, Muse, become a coach for his daughter and so many other kids. He was happy, we were happy for him. The game must go on and so must our lives. But yesterday, January 26th everything stopped. Nothing went on. It’s probably silly to some, probably most, to get heartbroken over a “celebrity” passing, but this was different. It’s indescribable. 

I was at brunch with my boyfriend celebrating our 2 years of dating at the restaurant we had our first date at. We were pretty much finished with our meal, paid already, so we were just drinking the last of our mimosa flights. I didn’t want to be on my phone much, for obvious reasons, but my phone kept vibrating. I looked at it and a I had 3 or 4 texts all asking about Kobe with sad emojis. I was confused, wondering what it was they were talking about, because I had yet to receive anything from my ESPN or Yahoo Sports apps. I was like hm, they’re probably trippin on something stupid. But the fact that both my mom and dad texted me, was weird. So, I went to Twitter. I go to Twitter for most of my news and know it’s always pretty live. I see devastation. Lots of denial type messages. I see fellow athletes in disbelief, many saying “No, not Kobe.” Not Kobe, what?! -- I said to myself. Then I saw it. Kobe killed in helicopter accident along with 8 others. Nah, this is fake. Someone is playing a sick joke. I kept scrolling and scrolling and I started to shake and began to believe everything I was consuming in the palm of my hand. I put my hand up to my mouth in shock and denial, and started to cry. I was shaking and had chills. I have never felt that for someone whom I had never met. The impact he has had on my life since I kid was powerful in that moment. A shock of childhood memories flooded me. I could not fathom that my athlete hero is dead. I couldn’t believe it. I was in complete shock. He isn’t supposed to die, right? I had to keep reading everything that was coming in about it and then I read that his daughter, GiGi, was also with him and had died. Just weeks ago, we watched her and Kobe court side at a game. My heart broke even more. I was angry. I wanted to scream! I seriously could not process it.

I didn’t know Kobe, I didn’t know his family. I was truly just a fan, like so many. I knew the love and joy he brought to my life. He reached and touched so many lives. He taught me to be resilient, to fight through anything. The Mamba Mentality is a thing that transcends sports. It is something I have admired about him since I was that 12 year old kid. As I got older, I realized that mentality isn’t just about a game. It’s about life. He taught the world that, he inspired so many and it is unreal that he is no longer on this earth with us. He was a legend, IS a legend. He was a god to so many of us kids who grew up watching him and who wore his jersey 82 days out of the year. He can’t die. There is no way. But he is human. A human who reached millions of people, who made people believe in pushing through any obstacle that was in your way. There is just no way that this man is no longer breathing. 

In the last 24+ hours or so, I’ve found myself constantly scrolling through social media, to hear another story about him. I think it’s to keep him alive somehow. To help me remember that he was incredible to everyone and that everyone is also feeling how I am feeling. But he is gone. All we have left now are the stories the highlights, and the fond memories he brought us. Whether it be in our own living rooms, a bar or at a game itself. He brought more than basketball and that could not be more clear after learning this tragic news. 

If we are feeling this heart broken and saddened, it is only imaginable what his wife and other daughters must be feeling. It truly breaks me to think about what they are going through. I pray that God lifts them and comforts them during this difficult time. I pray they take their time in grieving and that they don’t feel the need to share what they are going through with the world until they are absolutely ready to share it, if at all. His family meant more than anything in this world to him and we must support and send love from a far. 

The sports world will never be the same. The world itself will never be the same. Kobe Bean Bryant can never be duplicated. I am grateful and honored to have watched him over the years. I am a proud fan. I will truly miss him.

I love you, Kobe and I will never forget you. Thank you.