#his silly little characters have infested my brain

[evolutiononthebrain]

Alabama, Indiana, Kentucky Trio Incorrect Quotes!

I just love them <3 these three deserve more love (so do, like, half of the states tbh lmao)

I don’t BELIEVE there are any triggering topics, but some of these are Indiana/Alabama; nothing too shippy but if you don’t like the ship,, sorry ig

— — — —

Indiana: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Kentucky: Thank you for your sacrifice, Alabama.

***

Kentucky: Alabama gave me a get better soon card.

Indiana: That's sweet!

Kentucky: I wasn't sick, they just think I can do better.

***

Alabama/Indiana Ship!

Kentucky: That shirt looks great, Alabama.

Alabama: Thanks.

Kentucky: But I bet it would look even better on Indiana's floor.

Indiana: Are you hitting on Alabama... for me?

***

*Something crashes*

Indiana: Shoot-

Alabama: *running into the room in a panic* WHAT FELL?!

Kentucky: *walking by the room calmly* What died?

***

Kentucky: Regular soda is too sweet!

Alabama: Diet soda has a weird after taste!

Kentucky: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY!

Alabama: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda!

Kentucky: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink!

Alabama: I'm going to physically attack you.

Kentucky: Which is better, Indiana?

Indiana: Oh, I usually drink water!

Alabama: Wha- NO!

Kentucky: DISGUSTING!

***

Fun Fact: Indiana’s state drink is water, Alabama’s is Conecuh Ridge Whiskey, and Kentucky’s is milk!

***

Kentucky, to Indiana: You know, Alabama can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

Kentucky: *blows airhorn at Alabama* GET FUCKED!

***

Alabama/Indiana Ship!

Indiana: Come on, Kentucky. Nobody actually believes that Alabama is in love with me.

Kentucky, to the South: Raise your hand if you think that Alabama is helplessly in love with Indiana.

*Everyone raises their hand*

Indiana: Alabama, put your hand down.

***

Indiana: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Alabama: Indiana, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Indiana: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Kentucky: ...It was a bug.

Indiana: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Alabama: ...

Kentucky: ...

Indiana: Stop looking at me like that!

***

Fun Fact: Indiana’s state fruit is lychee, Alabama’s is peaches, and Kentucky’s is blackberries!

***

Alabama/Indiana Ship!

Indiana: Why doesn’t Alabama find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Kentucky: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Indiana: *bites lip*

Kentucky: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

***

Kentucky: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?

Indiana: Okay.

*later*

Gov: Indiana! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.

Kentucky, whispering: Deny everything.

Indiana, loudly: That isn't a chair.

***

Alabama: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Indiana.

Kentucky: You just said it again.

Indiana:

Alabama: I am not a role model.

***

Indiana: Are you drunk?

Alabama: Only on the spirit of Christmas!

Kentucky: And the spirit of whiskey.

***

Alabama & Indiana: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Alabama: We need an adult!

Indiana: Alabama, we are adults!

Alabama: We need an adultier adult! Get Kentucky!

***

*Kentucky dies in a game with ships*

Indiana: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.

Indiana: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.

Alabama: Legend has it that Kentucky still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.

Kentucky: Of course I do.

***

Kentucky: Alabama, I know you love Indiana. I mean, we all do, they’re a very nice person and I respect them immensely.

Kentucky: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.

***

Alabama: Hey, Kentucky you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.

Kentucky: Have you ever been to a mortuary?

Alabama: Yea, my grandma lives there.

Indiana: That is the worst response to that question.

***

Kentucky: I'm not doing to well.

Indiana: What's wrong?

Kentucky: I have this headache that comes and goes.

*Alabama enters the room*

Kentucky: There it is again.

***

*Alabama is laying on the floor with their eyes closed*

Indiana: Hey, are they sleeping or dead?

Kentucky: Hopefully dead, I hated them.

Indiana: Yeah, me too.

Alabama, sitting up: First of all, fuck you guys.

***

Alabama: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.

Indiana: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.

Alabama: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?

Kentucky: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

***

Indiana: So, are you two friends?

Kentucky: Yes.

Alabama: No.

***

Indiana: I’m afraid of clowns. There, I said it.

Kentucky: Indiana, if you don't like clowns, why are you hanging with Alabama?

***

Indiana: It smells like henway in here.

Kentucky:

Alabama: Kentucky.

Alabama, forcefully: Doesn't it smell like henway in here?

Kentucky: *sigh*

Kentucky: What's a henway?

Indiana: OH ABOUT TEN POUNDS!

[siyaazu]

Imagine getting invested in an au (calling it that for the sake of convenience) because of a sexyman poll.

Anyway, for shits and giggles I scribbled something about Doc and his supposed gang/support system(that I totally didn’t make up of all of my favorite characters. Tori is also there but I realized she's missing way too late into the drawing) before he set a goal for himself to help other Sanses.

The gang in question:

Fun fact:

Papyrus flips a coin every morning to decide whether to wear a silly tie or a silly shirt. The kids seem to love it.

The kid in Pap's arms and Doc were supposed to be having a conversation but the lord(me) said no

Muffet and Grillby have some basic level of expertise in each other's fields, which is why they are able to easily fill in for one another on days when one of them cannot show up.

If Doc were to ever come back to his timeline, he would have a loooot of explaining to do and it would probably end with him missing a couple of limbs/j

Last but not least, none of this is canon to Doc's story, but he infested my brain like a parasite and I had to get it out of my system

Shenanigans:

(A little clarification on what happened to Grillby’s bar : he let Sans use it however he wanted on the off-days, and one of these off-days just so happened to be the day his bar was turned into a mini omega timenline. Needless to say nobody’s seen that building since.)

Our multiverse-oriented king gets reminded that his timeline did not in fact forget about him/j

Doc belongs to @tehrogueva feat. Ganz(doing his best) by golzybladedee

[just-a-floofy-catt]

@agent-darkfest Hey i was your Secret Santa!!! :D

Your art and style are literally gorgeous and i had such a good time doing my research and browsing through your stuff! ^^

All your designs for your AUs are so cool too!!!

I tried to get something done for both of your AUs :)

I really hope its okay that its not 100% accurate to the AU!

I just got this idea because of all of his connections to crows and literally could not get it out of my head TwT

It

✨️Infested✨️

My brain

I also actually had alot of fun rendering this ^^

I did also consider an alternate piece just incase this one was a little too far off, but as seen by my last minute posting, i may have tried to bite off a bit more than i could chew and not gotten to do everything i wanted to complete 😅

I did have a list of sketch/doodle ideas like some more Christmasy things, stuff to do with your Metal au yn and some Farm shenanigans that i was going to compile and add but ended up not having time

But ill probably still do them because i dont think my brain would let me go on without doing so XD

So those will probably get posted soon as extra little bits, too! ^^

And for the Metal au i did this silly little comic!

I hope its not out of character for the au or anything 😅

But after seeing the little comic of where they first started i couldnt help but imagine mischief like this ^^

Honestly, im actually quite nervous about showing this

After spending so long thinking of ideas and getting excited about drawing them, i will admit im still a little worried that i misinterpreted something or did something incorrectly TwT

But i guess i just really hope that you like it in the end! ^w^

[dri-willowtree]

I see why people like the idea of Labru. I think it’s kinda fun like I love mashing silly little characters together like Barbie dolls. HOWEVER canon Kabru was a dick to Laois. He made Laois think he was interested in monsters just to gain his trust but then secretly resents him.

Kabru fucks him over multiple times on the basis of petty things that are mostly misunderstandings of Laois’ intentions and personality instead of being direct and open with him.

From a character standpoint it’s interesting because it shows us how Kabru interacts with the world though social manipulation motivated by his own trauma and goals. From the perspective of his relationship with Laios though it’s very hurtful and we don’t see him really atone for that completely in the main series after coming clean to Laios (I haven’t read all the extras though so idk).

Laios already struggles with reading people, he couldn’t pick up on how Shuro felt about him, but Shuro was not deliberately manipulating him like Kabru. Esp from the neurodivergent representation standpoint to have yet another person be nice to your face but secretly can’t stand you like damn let him [laios] get upppp.

Even if the text points to Kabru also being neurodivergent it doesn’t negate how he treated Laios and in a relationship idk how you get over that.

Just some thoughts from my worm infested brain

Edited addition: just bc in the end Kabru supports laios and his ruling does not negate his treatment of him. And a lot of it is only motivated by him being the only viable alternative to the elves to avoid what happens to Utaya. And laios works so hard to be good intentioned to everyone around him even though they don’t get him ugh. laios has resentment towards people but generally he’s just so kind. You can see it from the very beginning in how he pays attention to and motivates the party to how he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt at first.

[ghostclowning]

anyway this post exists just to let out some things(and also for me to archive things) bc my brain been rotting(help) for quite some time (svsss au long post)

an AU where zzl survives(jk lmao as we all know, he never died<3) but bc of severe wounds he lost some power...tlj's power also was not enough to disguise him as human well enough, but they found a solution - to keep him in a compact "energy-efficient" smaller form. Yes, the obligatory "my demon turned into a child" arc.

But tlj also sees this as a great opportunity to give zzl a new start bc he himself wants to just chill and absolutely doesn't need a second in command for that(besides, he's still young, why waste his life away near this rotting old man? get a life, boy). And so he hands the baby-lang to sqq, cause, naturally, who even would make a better shizun.

Sqq really hesitates but zzl seems to be in despair. as if he doesn't quite understand why his uncle is so eager on giving him away. and he just looks so cute and pettable. and sqq gives in. it's ok if it's just a kid right???sure lbh will get jealous anyway but at least sqq can slap him with a fan for being unreasonable.

His house is now infested with snakes but hey, at least all the other beasts and pests keep away now. His new disciple is...awful with swords(why would he ever learn to hold one when he could turn into a giant snake?? I wouldn't), but is quite helpful around the house(when lbh isn't looking). And has money.

He also looks human most of time when he's not using his demonic powers. When he does, some of his snake traits or demon mark begin to show up, but he and sqq are thoroughly trying to keep his true identity a secret. Sqq actually feels a little bitter about being his "shizun" bc, frankly spoken, it's more like zzl could teach him a thing or two, like some demonic tricks. So sqq just sticks to trying to teach him sword mastery so it would be believable that it's just his disciple.

Over time i even made some concept sketches bc i am so normal about this(his hairstyle was given to him by sqq who once got a little carried away and forgot that zzl is not actually a child...still, if master shen did this, then this is good). Sqq called him Zhu-er and oddly enough, no one suspected a thing...perhaps bc to everyone else he was just a secret character<#

anyway they're having a blast and silly little time(non romantic and never will be)(i just find it wholesome)<-delusional

If you actually read this till the end, I'm impressed(and thank you)

[hobgobknowsbest]

So gremlins, huh? I'm noticing a rise of gremlins lately, which has inspired me to continue my extremely limited series of brain vomit posts.

Let me preface this by admitting that, unlike goblins, I did not systematically devour anything related to them when I was a child, so I'm playing catch-up in the here and now. However! I insist on including them into my extremely biased worldview.

Gremlin (n.)

20thc., "an imaginary mischievous sprite regarded as responsible for an unexplained problem or fault, esp. a mechanical or electronic one".

So, while the term goblin is extremely vague, the term gremlin is much less so. It's essentially a specialization. To put it quite simply: all gremlins are goblins, but not all goblins are gremlins.

"The earliest reference to the aerial mischief makers that would come to to be known as gremlins may have been in The Spectator, a British magazine, which noted just after World War I that “the old Royal Naval Air Service in 1917 and the newly constituted Royal Air Force in 1918 have detected the existence of a horde of mysterious and malicious spirits whose purpose in life was…to bring about as many as possible of the inexplicable mishaps which, in those days as now, trouble an airman’s life.”

"It is one of the most storied of aviation legends: the idea that flying machines are sometimes infested with nefarious gremlins—“little people” who tinker wantonly with various aircraft components. Endlessly creative in their antics and completely devoid of scruples, their devilment seems to know no limits. Physical descriptions of gremlins vary widely, though oddly enough, few airmen have claimed to have actually seen one. Gremlins are usually said to be about a foot tall, with long noses and brightly colored skin, most often hues of green or blue. Especially large feet with suction grips allow for walking in and outside the plane. The gremlins’ overall features are cartoon-like. They wear parts of vintage flight gear and bug-eyed goggles, although, as with other cartoon characters, clothing can be optional. They invariably sport wild and devious expressions when on their appointed rounds. All have magical powers."

The gremlin specialization is obviously a mechanical one. Or, more specifically, the destruction thereof. Their motivations for such mayhem have been the target of much speculation over the years; some have said they match a pilot's mood (i.e. if a pilot's mood is dark, so shall his flight be, or if it is good, then all will be well, etc.). Some have theorized that it is simple pride, and if they feel as if they are insulted or laughed at, their chosen method of retaliation is the tampering or annihilation of property.

The etymology of the word “gremlin” is murky. Some say it derives from the Old English greme or gremian, meaning to vex or annoy, which was then coupled with goblin. But there are other plausible explanations. In Irish Gaelic gruaimin can mean “ill-tempered little fellow.” The German gramlein can be rendered into something like “a small bit of grief.”

Honestly, gremlins are quite the fascinating cousin to all goblin-kind, and I find myself regretting skipping over them when I was younger. The meagre research I've done over the past few days has actually resulted in much, much more than I could hope to squeeze into a single post.

I apologize, cousins. I never gave you the credit you deserved.

So! In closing:

Gremlins are

Proud

Extremely colourful

Enemies to machines of all types

Comfortable in, and protective of the sky

Incredibly sneaky

Incessantly talkative

Pack animals

Vicious

No friend to humans

As a bit of a silly afterthought, I feel the need to bring up a conversation I had with someone recently about gremlins, and how they were compared to a beaver's innate compulsion to stop flowing water. Except with them, it's machines and technology.

[friedfriedchicken]

I finally finished watching TF:EarthSpark S1 (please give me like 2+ seasons) and I have gathered all my thoughts into one silly list

Love how Alex Malto is very Filipino honestly. Like- it's so small but he's very there and he's the only fictional Filipino I've ever seen in anything live-action or animated that didn't originate from the Philipines. My dad was immediately activated when he heard/saw Alex say 'nanay' (my TV was quiet compared to the movie he was watching in the other room) and it makes me insanely happy. Also he's a lot like my dad scarily enough.

Originally I had TF:Cyberverse in my brain as the 'divorced Transformers show' but EarthSpark has much more divorced-exes vibes oml. Megatron with Soundwave and Shockwave, Bumblebee with Breakdown, Tarantulas in general, especially Megan and Sounders

I'm not a fan of humans in TF stories but the Maltos were great- they were woven into the story very well and were also very entertaining! Alex could infodump and had a fun arc with Bumblebee, Dottie and her backstory were great lore-fillers and her mom abilities were silly (there were a lot of dads but only one mom), Robbie and Mo felt like their own characters without overshadowing the Transformers, and the other background humans were generally enjoyable.

On the other hand- Mandroid didn't really stick with me, especially after he came back after his thingy blew up. Dude is practically a zombie- let him die 😭 BUT I'm excited to see what he'll do next season regardless of how little I enjoyed him as the big baddie

This show has so many dads oml. Alex Malto, Optimus Prime, Megatron, Bumblebee, Wheeljack, Tarantulas, Soundwave, where are all these dads coming from?! It's so fun, you get dads in different fonts like silly, casual war vet, PTSD war vet, not-paid enough war vet, new dad war vet, give him another chance war vet, and angry ex!

Starsceam's eyes are blue! It's so random and small but it activates my brain! Is it a design choice or something more?!

We've seen multiple stunticons but never all together in one place. I wonder if we'll get Menasor or not but, regardless, I love this version of Breakdown so much. Dude is so chill and spawned a new ship in my brain QwQ Bumbledown? Breakbee? Those two had very complicated vibes but my non-TF fan sibling agrees with me they have friendly exes energy

TERRANS- I LOVE THEM- ALL OF THEM- THEY'RE SO COOL

The fight scenes were so 💋 smooth and beautiful and I'd marry the fight scenes if they were people

I thought Bumblebee's friend he was chasing down was going to be Blurr because hee hoo I grew up watching TF:Animated and TF:Cyberverse plus Blurr is one of my favorite Transformers

Actually, my brain is infested with Bumblebee × Breakdown because seriously- this show didn't use slowmo scenes until BREAKDOWN SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO LET BUMBLEBEE ESCAPE. WHAT IS THAT?! IT TICKLES ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHIPPING TROPES OF ALL TIME (friends to enemies to lovers) BECAUSE THEY RACED TOGETHER, GOT SEPARATED, BY THE WAR, AND STILL RETURNED TO RACING WITH EACHOTHER HELP ME

Arcee with her classic car-inspired look omg 🛐 she's so cool and pretty besides for her black eye-liner thing. It looks really weird when her eyes are closed but she's very pretty regardless

Addicted to the found-family vibes of this show (It's not a TF series unless there's found family) but the especially traumatic energy of Tarantulas and Nightshade fuels my 4:47 AM mind. Tarantulas literally doesn't care about anything other than keeping this kid safe and can't tell what actually is safe or not and SACRIFICES HIMSELF SO NIGHTSHADE AND THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY CAN ESCAPE. PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM HE JUST WANTS TO LIVE IN PEACE WITH THE COOL KID HE FOUND IN HIS HOUSE ONE DAY

The size differences in this show are immaculate.

After getting kidnapped by Mandroid and cut, Megatron keeps the slice in his shoulder for later episodes and it's so cool that the continuity is there but sir, please patch yourself up! I don't hate it, it looks cool, but your armor is broken!

Please where did Mandroid get the funds to make who knows how many Arachnamechs?! The government/GHOST sure wasn't paying him while he was in his corrupted Howl's Moving Castle evil lab or sitting in his illegal fight ring.

I know the captions call Hashtag 'Hashtag' but she said she didn't have a word for it therefore her name in my brain is actually gonna be #. Just that. #. She deserves it because she's so silly. She has a fake ponytail and headset as part of her head design- it's amazing.

ALSO # MADE A REFERENCE TO "All your base are belong to use" AND I LOVE HER FOR THAT- POP OFF QUEEN

On the topic of design, Nightshade's protoform look was a little uncomfy for me with the helmet leaving their head very exposed and the random 'ear' discs. It felt weird but after they got their alt-mode they've been nothing but beautiful.

Jawbreaker my boy- you don't need an alt-mode to be so silly <3

Reoccurring Fluffy Ears is amazing

Honestly a lot of designs are either hits or misses. Megatron looked perfect to me but Optimus was off with his very flat head and weird faceplate. Like he was missing a forehead and the faceplate itself looked wonky. Soundwave was super pretty, even if his face is one solid color he absolutely rocked that look. I miss the smiley face Cyberverse Bee had on his pelvis area but at least my eyes aren't drawn to EarthSpark Bee's hips lol. Also Wheeljack. They brought back the mustache face but made it white and it feels incredibly silly and cool and scary and weird at the same time.

I think I'm done rambling for now but this might come back later hee hoo

[concernedbrownbread]

I just realized Azula is determined to always be in control of everything while Zuko constantly aims to have as little autonomy of his own as possible.

Azula commands her ship-the tides don't, Azula (almost) always keeps her heartbeat steadily beating, she accounts for everything in her domain, down to tha tea bags. She remembers everything vividly. She wants to control whether Aang meets Ozai, or at least what Aang thinks of him.

Zuko dissociates whenever possible, letting "the Creature" handle things. He'd rather not remember or think about his past, his memories are fickle. He'd rather Ozai plan everything. The only thing he controls willingly is his fire, always keeping its precise white colour. He feels Ozai controlling him and minimizes his own autonomy; à la June, backing himself further into the corner.

And they get in the way of the others wish. Because of Zuko, Azula no longer has a domain to control and her heartbeat is unsynced enough for Toph to notice. Because of Azula, Zuko has to take matters into his own hands and things on his own in the colonies, he has to do things on his own instead of simply obeying Ozai.

Idk my brain is infested with LWPR fire sibling worms

YOU! YOU GET IT!

Warning, this will be a bit of a ramble:

You are abosolutely right, Azula has started to lose control thanks to Zuko, (but also due to the Gaang). In canon, Azula losing control led up to the Last Agni Kai: her hair was out of place, and she innitiated the Agni Kai (in an attempt to regain control). I knew my control-freak baby wouldn't change -- she still wants to be in control desperately. She ruled her domain with an Iron Fist, according to Maru. She has been controlling the narrative of having the Avatar on her side since the first chapter. But also like in canon, the situations the Gaang is put into is unpredictable and impossible to control. Especially thanks to Zuko. She's out of her depth, and she's panicking.

Arc 3 (this current arc) will try to explore Azula's relationship with control using Sokka my booyyyyy.

And then there's Zuko. Oh, Zuko. He sees himself as Ozai's tool, something for Ozai to control, but you are right: Zuko controls his fire. Completely unconciously, mind you, but Zuko's fire is his and his alone. I love his fire. His fire literally gets character development in this fic I swear.

But Zuko is losing control too. Zuko's sense of control WAS to let the Creature take over, to just not. think. To let Ozai take control. That was his own way of taking control, of making a concious choice to disengage, if that makes sense. But Zuko's fire, which I am trying to potray as his "true self" knows this: "In the moments he spent awake and aware, his chest hurt. Under his ribcage, between his lungs. // A steady rhythm, out of sync." (since fire comes from within etc etc.) His flame is out of sync with himself: he is losing control as well.

So Arc 3 is about both Azula and Zuko losing control in different ways. Arc 4 is about them regaining it in, in, uh, well. I'll leave that for Arc 4.

I put WAY too much thought into this silly fic, thank you SO MUCH for noticing. I'm so honoured someone is thinking on this!!!! Genuinely you made my day.

Keep 'em asks coming, I'm getting the worms too!

(Also idk why I did the colours I felt quirky~)

[maciek-jozefowicz]

Superheroes & Supervillains

[This is another outtake from my puzzle book “My Silly Puzzles”. And it is another Truth Tellers and Liars logic puzzle set (with six puzzles). It includes the characters of Superman, Batman, the Joker and my own creation—Madeline the Mad Welder. The intro is a spoof of hard-boiled detective fiction written in rhyming prose, a brew of Frank Miller and Shel Silverstein.]

Madeline,

The Mad Welder—

Her weld felled

The Man of Steel

And Batman in his Batmobile.

A touch past midnight. The moon silently stares down, possibly with a dejected frown and pity, upon the filthy streets of the rat infested Gotham City, an urban colossus of concrete and rust, toxic sweat and disgust, where criminals grow like weeds and each criminal feeds on the weak, the wealthy, and the barely healthy. (Only those with the strongest constitution can survive Gotham’s air pollution. Its acid rain can drive one insane!)

Four muscley silhouettes stood in the sinister dark, and glared. Even Superman’s vision has been temporarily impaired with Kryptonite Lite, and affected his supersight.

But, HARK—the Joker always lies; the Mad Welder and Superman always tell the truth; and Batman does both. He might even lie under oath. Or tell the truth. That’s his prerogative as the supersleuth.

 So now, furrow your brow—which Super Silhouette belongs to which Super? (Shake off your stupor and be alert, or the wrong Supers may end up getting hurt!)

Issue 1 of 6

One: “I am Superman.”

Two: “I am not Superman.”

Three: “One is the Mad Welder! The poor little trooper is having a brain blooper.”

Four: “I am the Joker.”

[bonefall]

lost stars and/or twilight plspls

🌌Twilight - Favourite ship and least favourite ship

I wish I had better canonical answers, I have a big brain for character dynamics and I love to FIX ships and examine what they have to say as characters, but I don't have very many canon ships.

It's hard to pick favorites because I have so few, and it's hard to pick least favorites because I have so many.

Favorites

Mothpool! Mmm Mothpool. Them... I like Them. These two spark joy. I rotate them in my head. I just roll in it like catnip. No thoughts head empty. Best part about revisiting TNP is the them.

And Graystripe and Silverstream. Listen; Gray is a pretty horrible friend to Fire... but man does this guy have chemistry with his mean wife. I forgot how much I liked them until I went through TPB again a few months ago.

OH, but can I cheat and use my rewrite? Because in that case I care immensely about Queerplatonic FirexSand. I also really love Sparkpelt x Hollylark, I care them immensely. Honor-bound, confident, serious descendant of Tigerstar and her silly little GNC boyfriend whose Spotify wrap was probably 50% Will Wood.

I'm also thinking about Redtail x Runningwind a LOT, I think I'm breaking my own heart by imagining how Runningwind wants to literally run away from how badly he misses his husband, how he can't open up to talk to his kids about it, the pressure that ends up putting on Longtail who needs someone he can talk to. Messy families with emotional problems MY BELOVED

There's also DEFINITELY something happening over with Dark!Runningnose and Brokenstar in my rewrite... childhood best friends, and they made an acorn necklace that meant so much to the vengeful nature spirit that it can channel his ghost, doing evil schemes and planning war crimes together. Runningnose adopting his kid (Littlecloud) after his death. Something is not normal about those two.

Least favorite

I REMEMBERED IT AS SOON AS I GOT TO THE END

THORNCLAW X ANYBODY

STOP PUTTING THORNCLAW WITH ANYBODY

This man PAYS TAXES and plays WORLD OF WARCRAFT. He does not need romance. Step AWAY from the Thornclaw. Non-Romanceable NPC.

The only love Thornclaw has ever known is going on patrols, I REFUSE to accept that he had children with Blossomfall, one of the FEW genetically clean cats in the entire Clan, infesting ThunderClan with even MORE little Frostfur termites

No NO no NO NO

Thornclaw x Real Living Person is my NOTP

[vulcanhello]

DISCOVERY SEASON TWO THOUGHTS!!

i’m gonna try and hit the major season wide stuff and then the finale bc HOLY SHIT. it was good

overall i think this season was a lot better than the first, mostly because of my personal interest in these kinds of stories. time travel, time loops, that singular moment of understanding always always hits me. that, and the strong visuals in relation to the red angel and the time travel were sooooo good to me it’s a ten course meal for my brain.

some stuff i liked this season was more interactions with the bridge crew- although i think it could have been better, with them in the future for season three i think it’ll be really good based on the foundations of season two. i especially liked that scene with airiam going over her memories with the other officers so more of that would be good

i also liked the background aliens! the lizard guy, the guy with the huge head, po, and that one lady on the enterprise were super cool!

also i think michael is great. she’s the best character of all time really. her relationships with saru and ash and tilly were so so good and i wished we had more time with them. and spock! i think if you’re gonna add spock to a show it’s necessey to make him the annoying little brother he truly is. the most badass thing discovery did was bring aboard the world’s most beloved little alien and make sure we all knew he would never be as cool as his older sister. absolutely amazing. fr tho i thought their relationship was really well done and their last conversation absolutely has my heart. they mean everything to me

some things i wasn’t liking as much was having pike be the captain. i don’t really think it was necessary to the show honestly. i don’t think michael needed to be captain but saru would have done just fine- them not being able to pick up a new captain would have forced him into the chair and i think that would have been more interesting than a lot of pike’s scenes. i think pike’s cool and all but he took up a lot of time i wasn’t interested in personally. also, airiam’s death made sense for the story, but they really should have built on her character throughout the season, not just in the 30 minutes before her death. i’m also glad the klingons took a backseat, but i will be honest i was excited to see them in the final battle. speaking of final battles…

i think final battles are lame, and not exciting, and visually it looks like cgi vomit. HOWEVER. because the finale ALSO gave me the most beautiful heartstopping spectacular stunning amazing scene of all time during it i am forced to excuse it. michael using the red angel suit really was awesome.

i think i just really really liked it. and while i hope there’s a lot more effort put into the characters interpersonal relationships next season, i think this one makes for a solid foundation for that. maybe lower the stakes and have a bit of fun! i think we need a wacky episode. something silly. they need a break! michael needs a break to hang out with her friends and worry about nothing more than a minor tribble infestation or something. fingers crossed for season three 🤞

[andro-dino]

Slightly abandoned character focus… characters lol

Hyoma, Yu, Julien, Sophie

I am so sorry this is random

tumblr user rainnotliam I don’t think you realize how much I fucking adore these characters

ENTONCES

as you can see. i have many thoughts on Hyoma. This man lives in my brain like an infestation and he will not get out. He’s. He’s just. He’s the guy ever. He’s literally the silliest of guys I don’t know what you want from me he’s so good. I absolutely love him and it makes me SO UPSET that he barely appears at all after fusion because he is SUCH a good character. He’s so well written and there’s so much depth to him if you really look and I just love him so much and I so badly wish he got more screen time. He’s also like, SUPER FUCKING SAD IF YOU THINK ABOUT HIM FOR TOO LONG. the amount of angsty ideas I’ve come with about him good lordddddd. He’s also a very relatable character and one that I very heavily project onto bcoz it’s my brain and I’ll do what I want

GOOD GOD YU FUCKING TENDO. EL SOL DE MI VIDA I LOVE HIM MORE THAN WORDS CAN DESCRIBE. HE’S JUST SUCH A FUN AND GOOFY CHARACTER. HES SO COOL AND SILLY AND LIKABLE AND JUST REALLY WELL FLESHED OUT AND EXECUTED AND GHERES JUST SO MANY THOUGHTS THAT HE MAKES ME THINK I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. yk what’s really interesting to me. For a very long time I really hated angst. especially if it’s for very sweet characters who deserve the world. And yet yu is probably the character I’ve made the most angst for and honestly I am really proud of a lot of it. He’s just such a complex character and I really like analyzing him and picking apart all those aspects of his character that are really sad once you think abt them and expanding upon them. One of my favorite fics I’ve ever written was an angsty Yu fic. He’s just such an interesting character to write and I love him a whole lot.

continuing on the trend of characters who’ve occupied too much of my brain space, JULIAN KONZERN WOOOOOO. He’s a bastard and I hate him but I love him he is one of my favorite characters I will defend him until I die but I wholeheartedly believe he deserves all the bullying he gets but also I wish more people liked him but also it’s completely justified why they don’t but also-

Yeah he’s one of the characters I’m the most mentally ill over. I’ve said it before but The Fallen Emperor is my favorite episode of the entirety of MFB it makes me cry several times every time I watch it. I just love how well Julian is written and developed and I love how him and Daxiang are built up as foils to each other and I love that Daxiang is the one to bring him back to his senses and it’s just really well executed. His bond with Sophie and wales makes me sob I love them so much I just I just I just <33333

AND SOPHIE BELOVED. MY WIFE. I LOVE HER. she’s just such a cool character. I love all the little tidbits of character and personality that are thrown in and I just love her. I think they definitely could’ve done a ton more with her but for what there is, she’s lovely. I love all the little complexities of her personality, all the little details and stuff about her gahhhh I just adore her she’s great <3

[lucianalight]

I'm reading an article on why the person doesn't like JoJo Rabbit and WOW does the ending quote sound familiar:

"Waititi—a talented, well-intentioned director—makes the mistake of thinking that by not taking Hitler seriously, we somehow diminish his power. That by rendering him into a dopey, insecure crybaby, we can expose the emptiness of his beliefs. That we can just… write it all off, and come up with a new ending. Jews, Nazis—we’re all human, right?"

And even a much older Jewish person reviewed it as well and had this to say:

"So when the opening credits of Jojo Rabbit played over archival footage of wide-eyed Nazis shouting with ecstasy in the streets to the tune of The Beatles' I Wanna Hold Your Hand (in German of course) I felt a bit sick."

"Footage of real Nazi rallies without any of the shouting was uncanny, to say the least, and nauseating. What Waititi wanted to accomplish, he accomplished. You want to sing along, you want to tap your feet to the familiar tune but to do so equates you with the countless people who followed Hitler's final solution and the murder of millions of Jews, LGBTQ+ people, disabled people, Romani and others.

The screen version of Hitler, played by Waititi himself in terrible blue contact lenses as the imaginary friend of young Jojo, is exactly as a ten-year-old might imagine him: petulant and fickle. Not the man who inspired The Beatlemania-like fervour on crowded German streets.

We're meant to laugh at all the other Nazis, as we laugh at Charlie Chaplin, but they are a much bigger part of the Nazi machine than Waititi gives them credit for. I found myself chuckling out loud with the other 29 likely-gentile movie-goers at Sam Rockwell's expertly performed, drink-sodden commander.

But looking back on it, that rests uneasily in my stomach, especially given the character's arc and the ringing in my ears of the recent death-knell statement from one of the highest authorities in the US that 'there are very fine people on both sides' of white supremacy."

What I'm trying to point out is that tonka COULD be a great director, as long as there isn't source material. As long as he creates the world and characters, it would be fine but he keeps going after already made characters (Marvel, What We Do In The Shadows, JoJo Rabbit) and it just doesn't work.

Fine if he wants to take serious stuff and make them silly but there needs to be a line drawn

"Despite its nominal message about turning hate into love, Jojo Rabbit is a work that normalizes Nazis, and thus Nazism, and thus intolerance in general, by alternately saying that it either doesn’t exist, or is cute and amusing and powerless in the face of aw-shucks kiddie compassion. That makes it astoundingly wrong about WWII, about humanity, and also, of course, about today’s alt-right-infested climate upon which the film has been designed to comment. Putting it in the same company as the rest of this year’s Best Picture candidates—especially the epic The Irishman, the revealing Marriage Story, and the vivacious Little Women—is absurd"

This was such an interesting read. Thanks for sharing it with me. I haven’t seen the movie and therefore I can’t have an opinion about it. But as someone living under totalitarianism that is promoting a certain ideology, this is not the way I would want a movie to represent the hate and cruelty my people are experiencing. The brain washing, the propaganda, the othering, the sheer viciousness people are experiencing is much more complicated and serious than a bunch of idiots doing funny and nonsensical stuff. Their idiocy sometimes is laughable, but a laugh born out of helplessness to do anything else. Not the way you find Charlie Chaplin funny. Yes there needs to be a line drawn. The more I read about TW’s movies and humor, the more I get certain that they are really not for me.

[riotatthemovies]

aan

SLUGS (1988)

American/Spanish produced small town horror flick. A prime example of 80s horror where it displays itself as almost family friendly (not much swearing, light characters, cheesy bantar) but then cuts to shockingly gruesome kills with unnecessarily epic gore effects. Obligatory boobs (but only in one scene, yet sex and sleazy moments are constantly alluded to with plenty of sleazy people and plenty of 80s lingerie and the boob scene also has balls ). Characters with awful morals guised as wholesome “appearing” small town American personas.  On the surface it’s your paint my numbers “infestation” “man vs nature” horror as mutant man eating slugs start to take over the town. But the effect these slimey chubby slugs have when they kill a person is soooooo over the top that it will, shock you, gross you out and make you laugh in disbelief. Most cases it is real slugs so they are not really doing anything but some how people bleed everywhere , eyeballs fall out and things literally explode in huge, again I say, unnecessary balls of flames. Unnecessary but epic enough to make this stand out in a hugely over saturated genre of generic movies. It feels like its mocking and exploiting the stereotypes of these repetitive types of schlock. Even when the movie stalls into scenes set to explain the tinfoil thin plot and the ridiculously explanatory science to explain the creatures and how they will stop them is so silly that it feels on purpose... but is done so honest you won’t be sure if they are serious or not. Which for me makes for great bad movie laughs, if not necessarily on purpose.  

It does slow done in the cliche scenes, that have existed forever, where the towns health officer asks the mayor to help stop the infestation but of course the mayor can’t because that would ruin a building development plans financial deal... it wasn’t new in Jaws and it no more polished now.... BUUUT unlike movies like Squirm and Frogs that never had enough killer little critters, SLUGS pays off! Plenty of gross slimey blood covered slugs. If you have not seen it I won’t spoil it buuuuut wait till you see the scene where a man finds out he has slugs spawning in his brain... yep... gross. I approve.

Many movies like this make you ask how something so small is so dangerous?Now you will ask how something so slow can destroy so much shit?

Oh yeah from the director of Pieces, Don’t Panic and Pod People.. let that sink in.

[i-am-an-accidental-hipster]

Anime and Animation Recommendations (Includes shows I would never recommend, please read the accompanying text)

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: I feel like this is what would happen if the album Clockwork Angels by Rush was turned into anime, but the main character was replaced by two brothers who actually have a personality and an interesting backstory. Essentially, it is a mix of a compelling take on western philosophy from an eastern perspective, good character writing, and FANTASTIC art direction. Characters undergo meaningful development, it has no filler, and it avoids the problem of power creep fairly well. Adding to that its heavy use of Sakuga an minimalist animation, and it is one of my favorite anime of all time.

Mob Psycho 100: Criminally underrated. With a plot borrowed from a japanese web-comic maker who is surprisingly good at making comedy and relatable themes meld seamlessly, and animated by Studio Bones which is basically my favorite studio, this show is absolutely fantastic, to the point at which it competes with ol’ Fullmetal for my favorite anime. Like its sister anime One Punch Man, this show uses VERY heavy use of both Sakuga and minimalist styles of animation, switching between them in a way that is hardly noticeable but also really captures the feel of the situation; it even switches art styles regularly, and the animators are not afraid to try new things, making the show an absolute blast to watch. Despite its comedy focus, the main characters undergo extensive development, sometimes in the span of a single episode, and the combat sections are mesmerizing to look at.

One Punch Man: Really good show, slightly overrated, but mostly deserving of the attention it gets. As someone who was unemployed for a long time, this show really captures the difficulties of someone in that situation. The plot, such as it is, is pretty repetitive by it’s very nature, but it’s animated by Mad House studios, and is basically composed entirely of Sakuga with short spurts of minimalist animation to remind one of the original web comic (you may notice a theme in the anime I like), making it a blast to watch. Would recommend.

Hero Academia: The Naruto of our generation, and it’s easy to see why it’s so popular. The character designs and personalities are all memorable (such that you can actually remember all their names), and basically all of the main cast gets at least some screen time; as a result, it is really easy to remember basically everyone’s names. Because of the memorable character designs, it is no surprise that the fandom is bursting at the seams with shippers, but for the most part it’s non-toxic and results in a lot of pretty good fan art. And of course, as you guessed, it has Sakuga, and makes good use of it. Finally, as an aside, it has one of the best portrayals of a paragon archetype character I have seen in a long time, in the form of All Might. Would recommend, but I really don’t have to because it’s all over the place.

Guerren Lagann: Good animation, good character designs, stupid nonsensical plot. A really fun anime if you turn your brain completely off and just watch the GIANT ROBOT FIGHTS.

Kill la Kill: Good animation, but I can’t stand the character designs and the plot is so physically painful I couldn’t watch past the fourth episode (I only watched in the first place because some idiot on youtube said it had interesting themes, which it does not). Do not recommend.

Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team: Good anime, but the fanservice is too much for me. Just as I was getting invested in the plot (a treatment of the Gundam war from the perspective of the grunts on the surface), BOOM NAKED BOOBS HERE. No seriously, it came out out of nowhere so suddenly it gave me a heart attack. Mixed feelings on this anime.

Death Note: Good anime. A little melodramatic. I love L, ‘cause he’s basically me but smarter. Would recommend.

Bleach: SO MUCH POTENTIAL WASTED. Season 1 was GREAT, season 2 was ok, and then I couldn’t get past the Bount arc. Would recommend for the sake of the first two seasons.

Attack on Titan: two words: CRIMINALLY OVERRATED. It’s basically edgy trash with little depth or nuance, and a plot that seems ripped from Starship Troopers.

Assassination Classroom: Really good, actually. Well animated, decent character designs, a little weak on character development. Korosensei is my spirit animal (I’m a teacher). Goodness gracious, he embodies everything I want to be in terms of being a teacher, except perhaps his obsession with big boobs. Would recommend.

Psycho-Pass: Very cerebral, very interesting, very mesmerizing, has complex themes. Only downsides are that it’s basically a torture porn during the entire first half of the first season, which means you don’t want to eat before you watch it, and really only the main two protagonists and the main villain have good character designs. Would recommend for those who don’t mind seeing a lot of mutilated bodies and who like complex themes.

Now for shows that look like anime:

Avatar the Last Airbender: No surprise, this is a really good show. Minimal filler, and what filler there is doesn’t feel like filler. Good action, excellent handling of complex themes, good magic system. The plot starts out okay and then ramps up significantly after the season one finale. Where this show really shines, though, is it’s characters, who are almost all memorable and have great voice acting. Better yet, almost all of them get character development. Also a good exploration of eastern philosophy. Would recommend to those three people who haven’t seen it yet.

Legend of Korra: Good action, good art direction, really good animation. Not sure I like most of the characters, though. to be honest, Varrick, Zhu Li, Bumi, and Bo Lin are the only protagonists who I like in this show, besides of course the returning caste from the previous show. Season two was pretty bad, but the plot was very strong for seasons 1, 3, and 4. Some things felt very shoehorned. Almost all the villains were so incredibly compelling that they almost made up for the bland protagonists, and each one represented an individual theme, which was a very nice touch. Kinda screwed up some of the lore and the magic system, though. Mixed feelings on this one.

Dragon Prince: Season 1 was good, introduced a really cool magic system, nice complex themes, and a diverse and likable cast. The down side was that it suffered from some... questionable choices in animation style. Season 2, on the other hand, is... just really, really, really good. It has a good chance of becoming the next Avatar the Last Airbender if it keeps this up. It explores the magic system in fascinating detail, the themes are developed with a depth that rivals that of Korra, the plot has thickened, and the characters have developed significantly in likability and relatability. I highly recommend this one.

Voltron Legedary Defender: Starts out really good with Sakuga all around, kick-ass action scenes, and a decent plot. Unfortunately the shippers infested the fandom to the point where they were actually influencing the direction of the show, and the plot suffered as a result. Over the course of eight season, the show slowly decayed into a hollow shell. Mixed feelings on this one.

Ben 10: Kinda overrated, but still good. A nice watch on day you just want to relax and watch well-animated fights, but don’t expect it to make much sense.

Generator Rex: Criminally underrated. I love all the characters, all the action is great (even if it doesn’t make sense sometimes), animation is pretty good throughout, and it actually has really good technobabble. Honestly, it is my favorite show out of all of the ones on the list, despite its problems, just because of the really cool aesthetic. The main character starts as an obnoxious stereotypical Cartoon Network Protagonist, and develops into my second-favorite depiction of a paragon archetype. All the villains are memorable (even the silly ones). The first season has the best stand-alones (with some absolutely hilarious comedy episodes, dark edgy episodes, and fascinating pieces of science fiction); the second season has a season finale so good it made me cry, and the third season has by far the most interesting plot. I have a recommended watch order if you want to watch it.

Samurai Jack: Minimalist, very stylized, has some kick-ass fight sequences. Each episode has it’s own plot with not much in terms of overlap, but even the minor characters are memorable. My favorite is the Scotsman, but that is really no surprise if you watch the show. The Yin Yang dynamic between Jack and Aku is really interesting in its own right. Would highly recommend.

Teen Titans: Starts out mediocre, quickly gets good by the end of the first season, then ramps up to amazing by whichever season had the Trigon arc. Characters are almost as instantly recognizable as those in Hero Academia, and each one gets character development. It also has some standalone episodes that are almost as good as the standalones in Generator Rex. YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS SHOW.

Young Justice: Very similar to Generator Rex in many way. Memorable characters with good character development, good sci-fi, good action, and a similar season structure. It’s having a new third season right now which, despite the drop in animation quality due to limited funds, still manages to be engaging (especially the Vandal Savage origin episode and the three-episode arc devoted to Cyborg’s origin). Would recommend.

Transformers Animated: Criminally underrated, largely because of its... different animation style which is more like the animation for Teen Titans than the original G1 series, and the fact that they changed a lot of the lore. It has surprisingly complex themes, the voice acting is spot-on, and they do a good job of handling power creep. Though many of the protagonists start out kind of unlikable, they get really good development as the series goes on. By season 3, every single character has become so likable that it becomes legitimately distressing when they get hurt, and they play it to good effect. To give you an idea, when my sister saw the season finale of this show, she had an enormous melt-down at the end when her favorite character died (not telling who). It took three days to calm her down (the only way to do so was to introduce her to the idea of fan-fiction. I HIGHLY recommend this show.

[lamptracker]

FIC: Win-Win (part 1/?)

I know, I know. Eight million other series and things I’m supposed to be doing HOWEVER

FIC: Win-Win (part 1/?)

Characters: Tom Holland/Female Reader

Overall Summary: Temporarily homeless, the reader needs a place to stay. Her friend Tom, who has a reputation for being a womanizer, has an extra room... and an idea.

Very loosely based on the How I Met Your Mother episode “World’s Greatest Couple,” where Lily posed as Barney’s wife to help him get rid of his one-night stands.

Part summary: The reader needs a place to stay after her apartment is overrun with pests. Tom reluctantly lets her stay with him for one week, but after a one-night stand threatens to stick around longer than he’d like, the arrangement is rewritten.

It’s a bit long but I need to set up the story, so.

Tagged: @lemirabitur   @gravity-jade21   @ocaptainmycaptainrogers   @hollandfieldblurbs   @unicorn-princess-1999   @peter-holland-parker1996  

If you want on the tag list, let me know!

(y/n) sighed as she entered her apartment. To call it “small” would have been being generous. This thing was a very tiny studio apartment. But it was right in the heart of the city, which is what she had always dreamed of, so she was willing to deal with tiny if it meant the gorgeous view.

She hung her purse on the hook and sat down on her loveseat, idly scrolling through her phone. She thought that maybe she saw something scurrying towards the bathroom area out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn’t be sure. Chalking it up to stress after a long day at work as a teacher, she shrugged and relaxed into the couch cushions.

(y/n)’s mindless scrolling was interrupted with a frantic knock on the door. Sighing again, she opened the door to see her landlord on the other side.

“You gotta go,” he said shortly.

“What?”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. Um, the old landlord didn’t do such a good job with pest control, y’know? And now… this place is infested. Rats. Maybe bedbugs too. I don’t know. Anyway, we’re going to be doing a total… we’re exterminating this place, top to bottom. Um… I know it’s inconvenient for you, but… do you have a place to stay for the next month or so? We can’t put you up in a hotel or anything but we can give you a break on this month’s rent.”

So she wasn’t seeing things.

“I… I can think of something, sure. How long do I have?”

He shrugged. “End of the day?”

“Oh, great. Um, thank you.” she closed the door after him and started gathering things into a suitcase.

Who could she stay with?

She couldn’t stay with her friend Zendaya - she had cats, and she was allergic.

And she couldn’t stay with Jacob, either - his roommate was Tony, her ex-boyfriend, who she just broke up with about a month ago.

There was one possibility...Tom Holland.

He hung out with her friend group and was a pretty nice guy, for the most part. She didn’t know a ton about him. She knew he was a bit of a playboy, a partier; he had a different girl on his arm every night. She knew he worked in an office, but he was vague about exactly what it was he did. She knew had a very nice two-bedroom apartment just up the street from hers, and that the second bedroom was unoccupied.

He kept his personal life very close to the vest. But he’d do anything for any one of his friends, which he’s proven on several occasions.

(y/n) knew he would probably not want her to be homeless. Right?

So, she gathered up the last of her things and walked up the street to his apartment.

Tom was just getting ready to walk out the door for his latest date when there was a soft knock.

“I thought I was picking her up,” he muttered to himself as he opened the door.

“Hi, Tom,” (y/n) said sheepishly.

Tom looked at her, then at the large duffel bag at her feet. “Oh, hi, (y/n). You, um… you going out of town or something?”

“I’ll just cut right to it, Tom. I need a place to stay for a few weeks. My building is apparently overrun with rats and they need a few weeks to get it cleared up, and…”

Tom winced slightly. “Can’t you stay with Zendaya?”

“Allergic to her cats.”

“Oh, right. And Jacob lives with your ex-boyfriend, you’re probably more allergic to that…” He rubbed his chin in thought. “I know you don’t approve of my, ah, extra-curricular activities.”

“I used to think that way. But I’ve come to realize that, you know, you should live your best life! Do what you want, who you want! You only live once!”

Tom raised an eyebrow at you. “You’re desperate, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

He laughed. “Fine. One week. You stay out of my way, I stay out of yours. Don’t mess up my dates, yeah?”

“Deal.” She reached out her hand for him to shake; he grasped it and shook it firmly.

But little did either of them know, their one-week-only arrangement would work out much differently than they thought.

Tom Holland had a two-pronged approach for getting a girl to leave in the mornings:

Phase 1 was to push her out of bed. Sometimes a gentle shove was all it took. Sometimes he had to push a little harder. Either way, this usually set the mood and triggered a state of annoyance in the girl. Sometimes, Phase 1 was all it took.

Occasionally, he would have to employ Phase 2: Extra-long shower. No shorter than 45 minutes, just long enough for the girl to get fed up and leave. Sometimes she’d leave a note or a text, but she would leave. Phase 2, so far, had proven 100% effective.

Tom groaned as he woke up, sunlight peering in through his curtains. He rolled over, and directly into a warm body; phase 1 had been successfully implemented.

But this girl? Did. Not. Move.

Which was unfortunate, because this one in particular annoyed him. The sex was… well, it wasn’t good. But it wasn’t bad. It was… passable. She was pretty, sure, but her personality grated on his nerves. He knew he had to get rid of this one quickly.

Tom shoved her with all his might, but she remained rooted to the spot.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “I’m quite uncoordinated in the mornings, you know.”

The girl - redhead, brown eyes - giggled. “Oh, it’s alright. Me too.”

“Um… I have to go to work soon. Need to take a shower and all that, I’ll call you, though-”

“Don’t be silly!” she exclaimed. “I don’t have anywhere to go. I’d be glad to wait for you. I’ll even shower with you, if you’d like.”

“I don’t like!” Tom exclaimed in surprise. “Um, I mean… I like my privacy. But… okay.”

So, forty-five minutes later, when Tom came out wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist, he was floored to see this girl still sitting on his bed.

“Thought I’d have to send a search party after you, baby,” she said, standing up to greet him; her hand slid over his still-damp stomach. “I missed you.”

“Yeah, sure.” Tom instinctively pulled the towel a little tighter. Phase 1 didn’t work. Phase 2 didn’t work either. It was time for Phase 3.

Except? There was no Phase 3. He’d never gotten this far before.

Tom’s eyes widened in slight panic as the girl pressed her lips to his cheek.

“I, uh…” He carefully extracted himself from her grasp. “I really have to get ready for work, you know, I… very important day today, lots of meetings. I may not get home until late. But I promise I will call you.”

She giggled again. “Oh, Tommy. I feel like you’re trying to get rid of me. You can’t, not that easily. I’m not going anywhere.”

Oh, GOD, Tom thought to himself as she once again wrapped her arms around his waist. Is this girl a serial killer? Am I about to get serial killed? Why won’t she LEAVE?!

“Yeah, um… I’m going to go get a cup of coffee.”

“I’ll join you.”

“Of course you will,” he grumbled as he grabbed a pair of boxers and his gray sweatpants, hastily throwing them on (and throwing his towel over the girl’s face) before heading to the kitchen. His date followed closely behind.

“This is a really nice kitchen!” The girl said as Tom fumbled nervously with the coffee pot. “I can’t wait to make you breakfast in it every day.”

“Every day?!” Tom exclaimed, nearly dropping the glass carafe.

“Well, yeah. Once I move in, you know. I’ve already got ideas on how to redecorate, I mean. I love the couch, but that life-sized Spider-Man statue has to go, and…”

“Hey, I’m back!” (Y/n) called as she walked in the door. “I just ran to the grocery store to get some bacon, and… whoa.”

Tom’s date gasped loudly. “Oh, my God! Tom! Is this… is this your wife?”

The proverbial light bulb immediately went off over Tom’s head, flooding his brain with the light of a good idea. Could this be the thing that FINALLY gets this girl to leave?

(y/n) laughed and started to answer when Tom raised a hand. “Yeah. You’ve caught me. This is my wife. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I-”

(y/n) shot him a confused look; Tom gave her a look of his own - this one said please play along.

“I… er, uh, you’re goddamn right I’m his wife!” (y/n) shouted. “I can’t believe you, I’m gone twenty minutes and you bring this… this slut into my house! Daddy was right about you, you’re just a weasel who’s after my family’s money!”

“Darling, it isn’t like that, I-”

“I cannot believe this!” The girl shouted. “I can’t believe I slept with you, you asshole! Ma’am, I am really sorry, I honestly didn’t know… I’ll just… I hope you two can work this out.” She grabbed her purse off the side table and headed for the door, stopping just before she opened it. “Tom? Don’t call me.”

“Oh, no, please don’t leave…” Tom said, deadpan, as he finished preparing the coffee and (y/n) tried to stifle a giggle. As soon as the door shut behind the girl, Tom and (y/n) burst into laughter.

“That was brilliant!” Tom exclaimed. “Forget one week, you can stay as long as you like. You just… you have to pretend to be my wife once in awhile.”

“I get a place to stay rent-free, and you get help getting rid of your random hookups? Sounds like a win-win situation to me.” (y/n) smiled at him.

Tom laughed. “Great thinking on your feet back there, by the way.”

“Thanks! I took an improv class in college,” (y/n) said, grinning widely.

“That’ll come in handy. Okay, I’d like to propose a toast.” To  quickly poured two cups of steaming coffee, handing one to (y/n). “To Mr. and Mrs. Holland!”

“To Mr. and Mrs. Holland!” She laughed as she and Tom clinked their mugs together.